The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 80

Episode Date: March 4, 2023

No Flying Cars, The Homeless, Community Detachment, USB Cables

Oh, oh, well. Hi. Thank you for joining us. I'm so excited to be here on Scott Adams Coffee, whatever the fuck podcast. It's called KK Coffee. No. Thank you for, thank you for, it's mostly milk, actually. Yeah.

There's no black, I do not, I like my coffee. I like my hate groups, Vito. All blacks. I mean all black, not all blacks. Scott, come on. You can't. You can't be saying these things. Just a little four-dimensional chess for you, Vito.

Vito, do you play games, Vito? How many dimensions do you play in your games? Normally two or three. You know, I play chess. Yeah with all white pieces Just a little 4d humor for you Vito 4d humor It's Scott out plays chess and Andrew Tate won't shut up about chess. That's right. What appeals about that in your mind? Why are the stupidest people obsessed with chess?

That's what we want you to think. We want you to think, what is this guy a stupid moron? He's playing chess, but actually we're all very intelligent. Very, very intelligent. My ancestors came here on the pilgrims. Okay. On the pilgrims. Not on the...

No, not on... We rode the pilgrims on the ship to get here. I just think you could, like, devote your time to making a fun, stupid office comic as opposed to chastising black people on the internet for some weird poll you read. Can you put that in the form of a memo? Or in the form of a Dilbert? Can you do that, please? In the form of a Dilbert cartoon for you?

What are you saying? I shouldn't be chastising black people? No, I don't think so. Have you ever met a black person, Vito? Yes, I've met many black people. Well, I haven't. And I plan to keep it that way. Just a little four-dimensional chess for you, Vito. Just a little four-dimensional chess for you, Vito.

Just a little four-dimensional jokes for you, Vito. Am I joking? Am I kidding? I don't know. I don't. Couldn't tell you. Couldn't tell you. Are you black, by the way?

Do you have any in you? Well. Do you want some? Scott. All this racial humor. Let me check my wallet. Oh, you're not black. Okay.

I see. It's now. Is your wallet still there? Oh, see, that's you making the racist joke in your mind. I'm not. That's just a little 4D joke for you, Vito. It isn't 4D. Just a little 4D joke for you, Vito.

I just think that, you know, if you're just stuck to making little fun little comics, why do you think that you are going to change race relations in America? You see my smile? Mostly white. That's how I like my smile. That's how I like my neighborhoods. What do you? I don't.

If a black person moves into your neighborhood, how do you react? There's no fixing this. That's what I say. There's no fixing this. You say that right to them? You say that right to them? Oh, my God. There's no fixing this. That's what I say. There's no fixing this. Yeah, you say that right to them? You say that right to them? Oh, my God. Stop laughing. It's terrible. You hear that? That's the laugh of a white man.

Scott, shouldn't you celebrate the diversity of America, that there's so many beautiful colors of people, and we all get to work together to make this country better? Have you ever seen Blackula? Yes, I've seen Blackula. You know how many black people love Blackula? Okay. All of them. Blood-sucking parasite. Oh, no, that's terrible, Scott.

Oh, my God. I just think that what you said was very insensitive. And, you know, is there anything further you'd want to say to the black community to maybe clarify your comments uh i i'm gonna have to yell it pretty loudly if i want to say something to black people why is that i'll yell it all the way down to the ghetto if i wanted to say something to black people i'd ride it on a bicycle and leave it outside. Scott, that's horrible. That's horrible. Just a little four-dimensional jokes for you, Vito.

Just a little four-dimensional jokes. All right, let's do the actual show. Oh, Scott, what are you doing to me? I bet you didn't think I could keep that under control. Pretty good. Yeah, you mastered it. I only got a little bit racist in one or two parts. I'm a little bit worried at how good you were at being racist.

I'm a little concerned. That's four-dimensional jump. Speed out. My God. Scott Adams, ladies and gentlemen, here on The Biggest Problem in the Universe. Welcome to The Biggest Problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only problem, the only show that ranks every problem in the universe from negotiating strategies to horny personalities.

That's my Mr. Magic AL. I'm your host, Dick Madison. Joining me as always is Vito Giswoldi. Hi, Dick. Great. How you doing? Scott's out here solving race relations in America. Wow, can you believe that he came by and told some of his four-dimensional comedies to us? I'm so glad to have had Scott make an appearance on our fantastic podcast.

He blocked me on Twitter. Really? That was a four-dimensional block, though, because he wanted to come on the show. I didn't know that. You really got under his skin. He's out there solving problems. He doesn't know if I'm black or not. The creator of Dilbert letting America know.

I posted that gif of me dancing. He's like, that's a little black to me. Get out of here. He's got a problem with the black community. I don't know. He thinks they're bad. He thinks they're a hate group. Let's be clear. He thinks they're a hate group Let's be clear

He thinks they're a hate group Oh right right right Which is good There's good hate groups Of course I don't He must love black people I have no idea what's going on anymore

Can you imagine if like Charles Schulz from Peanuts one day just shows up And he's just like Oh by the way Charlie Brown hates black people And it's like oh okay Ethan Franklin? Yeah he tolerates Franklin. Franklin's one of the good ones, as Charles Schulz would put it. Newspaper comics, huh?

And Andrew Tate has cancer. I was going to say Andrew Tate has cancer. Oh, no, maybe later. Smoking all those cigars. It's not good. You shouldn't be smoking too many cigars. I was joking that he's smoking that cigar in the Greta video, and maybe that's the one that gave him cancer.

And all these guys are, in my mentions, going, yeah, as if he would inhale that cigar. Yeah, Dick, I guess he doesn't know not to inhale cigars. I'm like, wait a minute. Do you guys think that smoking cigars does not cause lung cancer? Do you think that no amount of smoke from the cigar gets anywhere near your lung? A little. little does. Yeah, obviously.

It's in the middle. It's not as bad as cigarettes, but it's not smoking. It does cause cancer. Clearly. All the smoke that's in your mouth, it doesn't all magically. It'll trace amounts of the tar and the crap go down your freaking thing. You guys have never tasted pussy for a while after you ate it? It's not kind of.

Right. Yeah, no, it will cause cancer dick we have an exciting announcement oh we do drum roll yes it was connected 10 000 youtube subscribers can you believe it wow it's incredible and only half of them are bots that call us racist and sexist. Oh. No, no, no. They're all beautiful subscribers. Thank you for supporting the show.

On YouTube. We'll be going on YouTube. Yeah. Not to mention all the other platforms where we have additional listeners. We'll be going for, what, like a year and a half? Well, no, almost two years. Wow. How many do you think we'll get up to before I get the account canceled?

Yeah, well, we've been a little worried. I saw that Revenge of, no, not them. Legion of Skanks got their YouTube taken down recently. Hopefully they get it back. But it kind of seems like they're getting more strict. Yeah, it does. Yeah. So I'm a little worried about how long we'll last.

I'm not worried. Oh, yeah. Because you love getting canceled. It's like fun and funny for you. Well, you know, so we were on that No Jumper show last week. Yes. With Destiny. Hopefully we'll post by the time people listen to this.

I feel like we should have come out harder on that show. And danced around. I don't know. Blackface. Like something. Something that nobody would ever see. Wait, let me tell the best part of No Jumper. Okay. It's like a hip hop show, right? I guess. Yeah. I don't know, Blackface, like something that nobody would ever see. Wait, let me tell the best part of No Jumper.

It's like a hip-hop show, right? I guess, yeah. Well, you can see a basketball from every part of the office. It's, yeah, like a hip-hop urban energy. Even with your eyes closed, you can see basketball. That's the nicest way to put it. So we get up there. Turned by a white guy, though. Well, I don't know.

I don't know who's in charge. You know what I'm saying, Vito. Right. So we start the show with Adam, 22, right? Yes, Adam, 22. In Destiny. And for some reason, Disney comes up, Pinocchio comes up, and Vito goes, yeah, and they made the fairy black.

And I was like I hope they glossed Over that one Pretty quickly The whole time I'm sitting there Just saying Okay don't say anything Don't say anything black

Don't say anything black Don't say anything black Yeah and they made Tinkerbell black Which I hate that Because those people No I didn't say that It's a little It's a I don't know how no, I didn't say that.

It's a little, it's a, I don't know how to, honestly, I don't care if Tinkerbell is blank. You said it. Well, it's interesting that Disney does. It's, I'm more offended that the Lost Boys now have girls in the Lost Boys. Sure. Like, what's the fuck is the point of the Lost Boys then? Yeah. Doesn't make any sense.

I love, I make every character black. That's what I say Black it up Darken America's You should have said that You should have said that At the time I didn't say anything racist On the show

Were there even black people In that room Who was behind the camera I don't see color Oh Oh Vito Scott no Oh Vito

No no no I'm not on your side I didn't say anything racist Shut up Scott No Just looking at math I'm just looking at side. I didn't say anything nice. Shut up, Scott. Shut up, Vito. No. Just looking at math. I'm just looking at math. No, me and you are different.

Scott, stop it. Math over coffee. No. I don't want there to be a black fairy either, Vito. Even in RuPaul's Drag Race, I don't want there to be a black fairy. I hate you so much, Scott. Get out of here. I'm not on your side.

We're not the same at all. We will, yes. No jumper appearance Us and Destiny People love when you and Destiny get together You guys are Yeah You guys are good buddies

I love Destiny I loved when he said I made you guys stop sucking each other off though Cause at the beginning he's like So how do you guys know each other And you're like you know We've kind of like been You know around

Blah blah blah On the internet I'm like you used to hate each other You guys are like fucking trying to tiptoe around it. You guys used to be mortal enemies. Yeah. Anyway. And then you realize you could grift off each other, and now you got to pretend to be friends,

and I get it. I should bring grifting in. Yeah. As like the concept of it. It's a complicated concept. Yeah. Because a lot of things which are honest and real are not grifting, and a lot of things which appear to be are grifting. Like sarcastic grifting And a lot of things which Appear to be are are grifting

Like sarcastic grifting And anyway that's not this time Let's see who won Yes Indescribably Yes The anchoring effect We are the champions

My friend Anchoring effect Number one a problem which you We are the champions, my friend. Anchoring effect number one, a problem which you and the great Chrissy Marr, one of the funniest women of her generation, have tried to nag me on, and the audience has spoken. Because it's not even, it's not a problem. It's just a thing that happens. Everyone can do it. So how is it a problem?

It's a problem because it's a portion of the human psychology which must be identified and overcome. Right. It's like our urge to murder each other. You know, that's a problem. Use another example of me, please. Our urge to molest the people around us. You're going to have to. You know, it's interesting.

I have some comments on that problem, Dick. Okay. From Darkloaf. Vito, fuck the haters. Do more autistic problems. I fucking love science. Rolling Thunder 3 said, Anchor pricing was a great problem.

I'm glad I got to learn something instead of just listening to two guys riff on whatever was in the news this week. And Zach Attack 34 said, Dick had no business talking shit on Vito's problem after his string of absolute dog shit problems recently. What the fuck? So the audience has spoken. Everyone loves Vito's smart, insightful problems.

Yeah. Bring real scientific things to the forefront. And you and Chrissy got dunked on. Fuck you. Okay. insightful problems, which bring real scientific things to the forefront. And you and Chrissy got dunked on. Fuck you. Okay. Well. What were the places of the other two dog shit problems?

Contouring was next. At least you eked out a second. I don't know how. I think guys didn't understand that what I was saying was really happening. They don't understand the degree. Imagine someone sculpting a piece of marble. They're like, I don't know what you're talking about. Of course you need to contour. Because their wives are probably the ones doing it.

Well, that's not... I mean, I don't want to... Another absolute dog shit problem from Dick. And then kink personalities. Kink personalities. Too much kink. Which I agreed with that problem. Calix64 says, despite finally bringing

a woman in, Dick and Vito still managed to make this the gayest episode yet. Hmm, okay. That's, yeah, that's my intention. Bevan Duker says, man, Vito's gonna be

jacked in 2024. I'm worried, though, his bulking phase won't ever end. I'm almost done with the bulking. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I've got, I've packed on enough protein that I'm ready to start really converting it. Oh. Do you have a date? Like a drop-dead date? Yeah, like? Yeah. I've got packed on enough protein that I'm ready to start really converting it. Oh. Do you have a date? Like a drop-dead date?

Yeah, like 2027. Okay. And I'll be properly bulked up. You're not worried about, like, the PS something coming out? The PS6 or something coming out? Oh, that might interfere. Spoiling us. That's true.

Good point. Jack Rockstar says, honestly, the anchor problem is solid. I didn't know that the person who said the first number Has the advantage I always thought like dick I also I would always Avoid naming a number now I'm like shit I guess I just Gotta get in there go high Go high or if you're trying to low ball

Go low free Hit him with one of those I want it for Free yeah well see you gotta Be within reason Not according to the science that you brought in. You want to anchor them where you want to. If you go too low, you're going to scare them off. You pay me to take it away.

I came all the way out here to pay for some gas. Karandas' fun biggest problem episode. Make sure Vito knows he brought in the art of the deal as a solution. I got no problem with that. I never said Trump wasn't a great deal maker. Okay, good. Biden's just a better one because he made a deal with whatever cartel

stuffed all the ballot boxes. That's a joke. The DNC is that cartel. Martin O'Keefe says, I want to know what worthless plastic trash Vito was tricked into buying because of the anchoring effect. That's a good question.

Is that, did you buy anything? That's not why the anchoring effect came up. The anchoring effect that's a good question is that did you buy anything that's not why the anchoring effect came up the anchoring effect came up because i you know i've been hiring guys to do stuff oh yeah comic related problems and whatever else it's a fucking nightmare hiring it is yeah it makes you feel so bad for like steve jobs who was bullied for being such a tyrant dude anytime i hear about yeah anytime i hear about, yeah, anytime I hear about, Michael Bay was so mean on the set of this movie and he yelled at people. I'm like, because all these artists and actors and whatever the fuck

are like unmotivated jackasses. Yeah. You kind of need a guy in charge who's just an asshole. Yeah. I agree. Assholes get results. Which, that's why I'm a terrible boss, is I'm too nice to people. Lambertar.

This guy's talking about gay stuff. Cool. Petty. Vito, 58 grams of sugar is like four scoops of ice cream. Stop drinking that shit. Are you drinking that? It's calories. Okay.

It's 58 grams of sugar. Four scoops of ice cream. It's not four scoops of ice cream. It's not four scoops of ice cream. It's calories. Calories in, calories out. I only drink one a day. That's four scoops of ice cream a day. That's not on the fucking food pyramid.

I need it. What did you do today that you deserve it? I woke up and came into the studio for this stupid podcast. All right. Woke up and came into the studio for this stupid podcast. All right. And I was up last night preparing for my favorite segment. Oh, okay.

Hold on. Perfect cue. Perfect cue. Well, I also moved off the screen because of the Scott Adams thing. Here we go. It's your favorite podcast, but this show can't last. If you don't go and vote on the problems, vote it up.

Go to the site. It's not hard. Vote it up. Go to the side. It's not hard. Vote it up. Stop acting like a retard. Vote it up. If you don't vote, I must say, you're probably gay. Vote it up, folks. The exciting segment where we revisit past problems and add a little bit of context.

Dick, do you remember the problem of Funko Pops from back in episode 18? Yeah. I hate those little plastic toys. And today I've received some exciting news that the Funko Toy Company has just released their most recent financial report, revealing they incurred a $50 million loss for the year 2022. The company says that much of the loss is related to their overflowing warehouse, with the company producing so much stupid plastic crap that they've been forced to rent shipping containers to hold their excess inventory.

The company now plans to eliminate as much as $36 million worth of inventory. So look forward to crates of Funko Pops coming soon to a landfill near you. They're going to be dumping $36 million worth of Funkos in the garbage. You happy about this? It's hilarious. They deserve it. But does that mean like all of your other plastic shit, like less people will be buying it too?

No, it means my stuff goes up because the market is no longer flooded by those soulless little fucking plastic demons. It seems to me like there's just less money to spend on crap. So everything goes down. We're entering a period of weird inflation and scarcity or whatever. They're calling it Bidenflation. Did you hear that one? Wow, that's so clever. You guys are the little things.

Point is, people have less money to spend on stupid little tchotchkes and garbage. Yeah. And companies that produce the lowest quality garbage are going to be the first to suffer the effects. Oh, I see. Because they've been pumping this stuff out in the factories and it's just filling up their warehouses, spilling it into shipping containers. Why do you make so many of these fucking things?

Have you seen how many of these things they make? Every character with every variant. Chewbacca, but he's red and he glows in the dark. You're like, who needs this? I don't know. I don't know why you need to own those dumb little things. I don't know why you need to own any of it. It's plastic shit.

Some plastic toys are great. What do you do with it? You look't know why you need to own any of it. Exactly. Plastic shit. Some plastic toys are great. What do you do with it? You look at them and you admire them and you're inspired to create. Do you touch it? Can you just touch a picture of it? Like print out a picture of it? What is the difference?

It's nice that it's in 3D and you can examine it from different angles. Yeah. Look, I'm a designer. I'm an artist. I need good. Anyway, guys, that's currently problem number 113 with 374 upvotes. Don't forget to vote it up. Another great problem, Dick, from bonus episode number seven was the fear of drag.

Oh, yeah. Well, Tennessee Governor Bill Lee. Everyone's favorite topic. Everyone's favorite topic. Fucking drag queens. We can't stop talking about it. But now they're taking legal action we can i love this one well we can we can care about more than one thing whenever i go like

why do you give a shit about this like the debt is this and yeah fucking war in ukraine you're paying this much taxes we can care about more than one thing like you guys can't even care about one thing because you're too fucking dumb look at you look at your lives they're trashed you can't care about anything it does feel like there are more pressing issues point is dick that tennessee governor bill lee has signed legislation that would severely limit where drag shows can take place under the tennessee bill the words drag show are not explicitly stated but the legislation will change the definition of adult cabaret to mean adult-oriented performances harmful to minors,

and that male or female impersonators are now considered adult cabaret along with topless dancers, go-go dancers, exotic dancers, and strippers. Even to 17-year-olds can't go to a drag show? No. It's if you put on a dress, you are a stripper, according to... Harmful to minors. You're in the same category as strippers and topless dancers. Wow, that's sure.

That's amazing. This proposal will ban adult cabaret from taking place on public property or any place where minors might be present. It is a misdemeanor charge, but a felony if it is a repeat offense. So if you put on a dress and make fun of women too often, you might catch a felony charge. Seems a little extreme.

You think? It would be one thing if they narrowed it down. I mean, you already have obscenity laws, as people are arguing. They're like, look, you can't just say, yeah, you can't be naked in front of kids, or you can't do, like, a sexual performance in front of kids. But to ban, to say that just dressing up in drag is inherently sexual in the same category. To minors, not kids. Yeah.

Minors. Can 17-year-olds do it with themselves? No, they're not allowed. They're not allowed to do it. They can't put on a little cabaret, whatever the fuck show in drag. Great. So can I shut down a school? If I was, instead of calling in a bomb threat, if I have like a test in high school, could

I show up in drag and just start going? And all the teachers are like, oh, we're all going to fucking prison. We got to get out of here. Get out of here. He's doing it again. And me and all my Like bros From the fucking Baseball team

Are all in drag Dressed as women You're dancing Doing like Spice Girls shit Fake tits Bouncing around You stuff your bra Yeah

When two become one Get the fuck out of here No you're not allowed To do that Kick in doors That's inherently An adult performance Hey Mr. Armstrong

What do you think of these Pedophile Get him out of here Sexual drag performance Kick in doors? That's inherently an adult performance. Hey Mr. Armstrong, what do you think of these? Pedophile! Get him out of here! Sexual drag performance! It does feel like this law was not very well thought out. If you're a teenager, you can do whatever you want. That's what I learned growing up. You can do anything.

Just don't kill yourself. Whatever it is. Yeah, they're nothing they can do. Just don't kill yourself. Whatever it is. Yeah, they're really worried about that. Guys, the fear of drag is currently problem number 340 with 228 down votes. Guys, this is a free speech issue. If you want to ban sexual whatever, okay, I would understand. But you're saying, dressing up as a woman and going, Oh, I'm so sexy.

Look at how pretty I am. You're going to put a guy in jail for that? That's funny. That's stupid. You know, you got to be more specific with these laws. It really feels like they're coming after some free speech there. I don't like it. The fear of drag.

It's very retarded. The people you're protecting are retarded. Guys, vote it up. That's the segment. Everybody loves it. The people you're protecting are retarded. Guys, vote it up. That's the segment.

Everybody loves it. It's your favorite podcast, but this show can't last. I thought you were going to use different words in this song. I'll tell you where. Yeah, I'll sing where. Vote on the problems. Vote it up. Go to the side. It's not hard. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not there.

I'll kill your family. That's what I thought. I was waiting for that the whole thing. I was worried that I've been doing too many threats to your family. I've been waiting for it, though. I never know. You don't usually do gay stuff. That's what I was wondering.

Okay, here it comes. I'll kill your family would have worked as well. It's set up perfectly. It is pretty well set up. I figured I'd catch people off guard and let them know that they are homosexual if they do not vote. Subverting expectations. I'm subverting expectations. I'm also subverting expectations for being the three-time winner, I believe.

I'm on a streak. Dick's got to start picking it up. But as the winner, I've brought in a problem, Dick, which we'll probably do terribly because it's a serious problem. My problem, Dick, is one I'm calling community detachment. It's dumb. Sounds dumb already. It does sound dumb. And I feel dumb about it.

While I'm doing it. I'm doing it regardless. Well, here's the thing. Community detachment? Yeah. Well, because there's this certain part of all of us, of this kind of internet space or whatever, where you're just jaded and nihilistic and you go, fuck everybody, I'm out for myself.

Everybody's an idiot. I'm the greatest. The only thing that matters is me. My entire community is built on that. What do you mean? The community's built on that. What do you mean? But I think that beyond our jaded exteriors, within all of us, there is a certain desire to belong. Kill people.

No, no. All right. No, no. Excuse me. To belong to a community. And what better community to belong to than your local community, to be involved locally with the people you see on the street, your neighbors, your loved ones, your family, everybody. The people that made me get vaccinated and masks and all that? Not all of them.

Not necessarily. I like to think that there was a period in time in this country where people felt connected to their communities and, you know, wanted to make them a better place. You didn't just go, oh, I'll just like leave my garbage everywhere and shit in the street because it doesn't matter and I don't care about anyone else. Someone else will pick it up. Fuck that. Yeah, exactly. There's no sense of pride in your community anymore because you're not connected to it.

It's like, it doesn't matter. Is this like a Coke? Are you getting this from like an ad from the 50s? Like that's what, look what they took from us. And it's like it doesn't matter it's like a coke as are you getting this from like an ad from the 50s like that's what they look what they took from us when it's me and vito and his community what i'm getting this from is i'm running for mayor i'm mayor vito nice to meet you i mean kind of like isn't that the ideal it's beautiful you would see that on like tv and the neighbors whatever i know it's i know it's an illusion, you know, and we kept, there's a whole lot there, but I've been watching these videos recently of all these, these horrible shoplifting incidents, right? Wherever it be, these guys just go into the store and

they're just pulling shit off the fucking shelf and putting it in their cart and pushing it out the door. And what does everybody, what do all the bystanders do? They just go if at most they'll go at most they'll go at most they'll go, oh, you really shouldn't be doing that. Yeah. You really shouldn't be doing that. Yeah. But if anything, you just watch and go, you're taking the side of you should get involved in a fucking shoplifting?

I never thought I would see this day. Ew. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I understand why they don't get involved because they have no attachment to any of this because these stores are not, all our stores have been replaced by these big corporate entities where I don't know the name of the guy who owns my local Target. It's probably owned by the corporate office.

I don't know if they're a franchise. If I gave you two names, would you pick the one that might? All right. What if I told you his name ends in Steen? Okay, I know. Fine, look up who owns Target. I'll tell you who it's not, Vito. Who's the one doing all the shoplifting?

Stop it, Scott. Scott, get out of here. Stop it. Yeah, I know who's doing the shoplifting. Regardless. I'm also doing the shoplifting, as we've discussed on the bonus episode oh do you want to tell that story that you i don't know if i'm allowed to i have part of it are you allowed to hint at it that was there exists there exists footage of me being shoplifting at target

let's just say somebody found the footage of me shoplifting and sent it to me. And I'm like, well, that's fucking hilarious. Buddy, you should have sent it to me. No, don't send it to Dick. Please, for the love of God, I'm so glad he didn't send it to anybody else. But the point is that we don't feel like I would never steal from like a local. I don't shoplift. But if I was a shoplifter, I wouldn't shoplift from like a local store because, you know,

you feel connected to. Mr. Hooper. I wouldn't steal from Mr. Hooper. Yeah. But we now live in a society where everything is just this big, stupid corporate conglomerate. So you see a guy stealing a bunch of shit and you go. Awesome. Yeah.

Go nuts. Yeah. What can I do? Dick, a recent survey found that nearly two out of three millennials said they don't feel like they belong in the communities they lived in. Their physical location? Because everybody belongs to, I mean, the M'lady community is one of the most amazing, vibrant, accepting, fun communities

I've ever been involved in. That is spread out over the whole world. There is a sense of community. Do you just want it to be a local community? Yeah, well, 43% of millennials say they feel more attached to online communities than any offline community. So it's kind of like, well, yeah, but that's weird. Like, shouldn't you be able, you live in a place for your whole, you know, life, hopefully, or at least a decent portion of it.

Yeah. And I realized I don't know really any of my neighbors. Do you want to? I don't know any of my local business. Yes, I would like. I don't know any of these fuckers. I want to go online and fucking say N-words with furries. Is this how we become radicalized psychopaths?

Yes. Is that instead of being forced to integrate? You have to be your full, your potential I think it would be nice Is, you know, again And then you watch, okay, you can do that But then you go outside and you look And the neighborhood's crumbling

And there's broken windows Oh, we're not going to talk about broken windows But, you know, there's Everything's crumbling all around you There's crime, everybody's an asshole Toumbling all around you. There's crime. Everybody's an asshole to everybody else. The crime is because it's a Democrat state. No, that's not why.

They have crime in Republican states as well. You fucking idiot. No, they're not like this. They don't. Yeah, well, because we just happen to take care of the homeless people rather than sending them to die in a desert. That's why we have more crime. Sorry that we allow them to live their lives instead of busing them somewhere. I'll tell you why we have more crime. Sorry that we allow them to live their lives instead of busing them somewhere. I'll tell you why we have more crime.

God damn it. The answer might actually surprise you. Stop it. You're getting banned from YouTube. Scott, get out of here. Oh no, he talks all slow. Actually, the reason we have so much crime is it's not socioeconomics. A survey of a thousand millennials

found that 64% of them felt disconnected from their community. Now, here's the reason that they give. The most popular response is that they don't have time to invest in their community. That millennials are so busy working and trying to make a life for themselves and struggling to stay afloat that they don't have time to, you know, coach a youth softball league or volunteer at the YMCA or whatever the fuck. I don't know. This is like 50 shit that you want us to go back to.

I don't have time for this dumb shit. Softball leagues. Hey, kids. Good job. Way to be sportsmanship. Now we have to put the girl, the one girl on the team in for an inning Everyone fucking knows that we could fucking lose I think it would be nice

To be able to give back Again this is why I'm a big proponent Give back? Yeah give back Fuck that I am still in discernment of some stuff You're the example of why people are so detached From their communities They're so jaded

And completely out for themselves, completely selfish. I can't even tell you you're wrong. I mean, you are wrong, but I understand why you feel that way. Me, as someone who cares about my fellow man and the betterment of the world around me, and not to mention that by elevating my

community, I elevate the community in which I live and I benefit directly from it. Sadly. Where's my fucking money? That's what I want to know. If I drop my guard for one second, if I can get to know one of these motherfuckers, all of a sudden it's, oh, my dog has cancer. Do you have any money lying around there so I could get some cancer treatment for my dog?

Well, it's interesting you bring up economic concerns because that does seem to be the root of much of this discontent about, you know, why people can't get involved in their communities because they're too busy scrambling to make a dollar. Yeah. And it's sad. It's sad that this coming generation can't find community at home and has to go online. And then, you know, next thing you know, they're in a community of guys who jerk off pigeons. And then that's where they're trapped. And they think that's normal.

Pigeons jerking off pigeons are bad. Any other type of animal. That's fine. That's a medical procedure. So in your mind, you know it's wrong. In your mind, that's called a Freudian slip. Shut up. In your mind, you know it's wrong to jerk off animals.

If the pigeon was in heat, it would be fine. Look, the point is. Eggs shooting all over. Do you think... Like Pac-Man. Do you think that the online communities these kids are getting involved in are more healthy than, you know, getting involved in your local community? Do you think it's good that they go online and they become, I don't know, addicted to

snuff porn and fucking calling each other the N-word and everything else? Yeah. We're just... Everyone's becoming a radicalized psychopath because they have no other place to go. and fucking calling each other the N-word and everything else. Yeah. Everyone's becoming a radicalized psychopath because they have no other place to go. Why do you think people are going to Jordan Peterson looking for a sense of community? You know that's a problem. You know that's why they're going to that fucking guy and they're going to Tim Pool. Jerry Falwell and shit. And they've had religious idiots all the way back to the beginning of time.

Not the way it is now. Now that they're searching for their dad, nobody thought Jerry Falwell was their surrogate father. They thought he was their god. It's way worse now than it ever was. These kids are desperate for a sense of community. Yeah, I see what's going on.

I'm not shit-talking Miladys on the show. I'm not going to allow you to sit there and shit talk Miladies or Remelios Or Oikakis Look some of them are I have no idea what half of these fucking things are But You need a community

Maybe that's the problem Maybe I do need a community Okay so who's going Who went to Chrissy Mayer's comedy show last week? You did And where were you? I was at home working So Vito you have to leave and go to your local comedian's comedy show if you want to

have a fucking real community. I understand that. Okay. And look, I just assumed Chrissy Mayer didn't actually want me there. That was my assumption. Why? I don't know. I assumed that, like, you know, our relationship is now one of these like, yeah, I'll come

on your show. You know, I assume she still hates me. This you're causing this community disconnect because your insecurities are like overwhelming your natural compulsion to go out and be social with people. Honestly, I looked up the venue and I went, that place looks like a shithole. I don't want to go. You went to that venue. That venue is a shithole. I don't want to go. You went to that venue. That venue is a shithole, is it not?

Probably the worst venue I've ever seen. It looked terrible. The bar has seating for like three people. They had a bunch of trophies up in the corner and I said, what are those trophies for? And the guy said, rape. For the number one rape club in the Southern California area

She said Elks Lodge Yeah And I was like And I assumed like an Elks Lodge Which I have been to I assumed the Elks Lodge in Pasadena Which I've been to Yeah

Very nice Yeah So we went to the Elks Lodge Like you know Oh you went there And then you realized It was the wrong place And there was nobody there

And we walked around Knocking on doors And I'm like man This is like Showtime's in like wrong place And there was nobody there And we walked around Knocking on doors I'm like man this is like A showtime's in like five minutes And there's nobody here And then you Before that you had said It looks like a shithole

And I'm like all Like all lodges look like that No they all look like that And I'm like really? Cause that place looks like Somebody's house Like I thought you were just making excuses

No I literally was like Oh my god that looks like It's gonna be terrible So then When we realized that this was the wrong place I was like well my god that looks like It's gonna be terrible So Then When we realized That this was the wrong place I was like well let's look up The actual venue

And we pulled it up Her website And it was like Oh it doesn't say Elks Lodge It just has an address And I punched the address in And it's in like It was on like North Lake

North Pasadena Yeah And our friend goes Oh what does that mean And I said well they have A Roscoe's up there If that I just looked at it

I'm like, the bar had three seats They had like a bunch of folding chairs Stop it, Scott Stop making assumptions about communities And it was a cinder block igloo Yeah It's funny because she was literally saying I shouldn't talk shit

She did great, though I'm sure she did. I was just like, when she said I'm doing comedy in Elks Lodge, I was excited. I'm like, oh, I like Elks Lodge. You go, you get a beer, you hang out, whatever. It was called the Sunset Lodge. Yeah, and then I looked at it. I'm like, this just looks like the ghetto.

Which I love the ghetto, but. All right. Anyway, look, yes. Maybe I should have. You did great. You should have come. I should have come. Carl was there. Spitali. Oh, Carl Sp yes, maybe I should have. You did great. You should have come. I should have come. Carl was there.

Spitali. Oh, Carl Spitali showed up. Interesting. Not Josh. Josh didn't know. Not getting into that. Okay. What?

Nothing. There's nothing going on. I'm so bad at just keeping my mouth shut. And you're wondering why you don't have a social disconnect? You are the reason. You're the reason we don't have them anymore. I ruin every community I'm in. Anytime it's like, hey, we could get a guy on the show.

I go, that guy sucks. Fuck that guy. No, I get guests. Point is, guys, I think we all want to belong to something. Right now, kids are running to the Jordan Petersons of the world because they feel disconnected from their community. They don't have enough time to get involved with their local

4-H club or whatever the fuck else. I think all that stuff is interesting. Wouldn't you like to belong to one of the famous clubs, the March of Dimes or whatever the fuck? Or is that a charity?

I don't want to get involved in all this dumb shit if you have to stand out in the club and listen to boomers talk about their fucking opinions have a place you feel like you belong real life is just real people is just like having to listen to 70 different podcasts that you don't want to listen to all week does that sound fun to you like oh well here comes this asshole's podcast let's hear it shithead i want to start a church do you want to start a church with me no i think we need to start a church and bring community back to people's lives like a molesting church no like a good church like uh i have a whole theory Well, with whatever you think God is. Me. Sure.

I just want, honestly, like a tax-free hangout spot. And you just make it a religion, because then they can't do anything about it. Okay. And it would just be like a place for cool guys to go and play games and hang out and drink beers. An arcade. That's what you want. An arcade, but I want it to be classified as a church. As a church. Okay.

I think we could do it. All right. Vito's Game Church. Point is, guys, community detachment. It's a real problem. We could fundraise off it, sell NFTs as permanent memberships, something like that, like a golf course. I got a whole thing in mind.

And then we'd have one room for each major religious, you know, we'd have like a priest, rabbi can there be whores no why what do you mean what's the point of all this socializing how would you have whores in the i feel like you're gonna get in trouble would you have whores he says very easily you're gonna fucks with our tax status If we go here's our rabbi here's our priest And here's our whores For our congregation to have Horrible horrific sex with

Alright Dick What do you got for me The homeless Scott Adams give you this one Not homelessness Actually Vito it's a myth that Oh wait, it's not a myth that it impacts. African-American minority communities. I went to a website that had all the myths about homelessness, and that was number one.

It affects minorities. Clicked on it. Not a myth. It's not a good myth page that you guys put together here. Yeah. Did you see that homeless guy that was lit on fire? And the guy threw a bicycle at him. Was that a homeless guy? I mean, I assume it was a homeless guy.

Who else is getting lit on fire? Did he light himself on fire? Are we allowed to show this? Oh, no, I got a strike for showing that 17-year-old kid beat that lady that stole his Nintendo. I know, that's crazy. Okay, well, I'm not showing it then. I'm not showing any of these clips.

I got a strike. I can't do shit for like a week and a half Or whatever it is That's crazy Guy got lit on fire, other guy throws a bike at him And when he's doing it I'm thinking You can nail that son of a bitch All the bikes he's fucking ripped off Not homeless, the problem is not homelessness

It's the homeless I think he was trying to knock him into the ground So the guy would stop, drop, and roll Because the guy was just walking around on fire Going, I think he was trying to knock him into the ground so the guy would stop, drop, and roll because the guy was just walking around and going on fire going, I don't know what to do. That's the thing about being on fire. You could throw whatever you want at them and everyone will just excuse

it. You could throw a soda can at him. You could throw a garbage can at him. You could throw a chair. If you grab a folding chair, you could just throw it at him. If he's on fire and people go like, well, yeah, that's probably. Okay, so your excitement about people being on fire is

you can do whatever you want to them. Yes, unless they're running around pinwheeling their arms like this. This is why I don't leave the chat up because you read it. I'm just making sure the audio is fine. If you run around, if you catch on fire and you run around with

your arms pinwheeling, I'll let you slide and just watch it. But if you're standing there like a mummy, I'm throwing something at you. I feel like this problem is no longer about the homeless. I think the problem is Dick is disappointed he didn't have a guy on fire to throw stuff at.

Prime data released by the DA reveals that homeless individuals... What percent of them cause what percent of the... He didn't have a guy on fire Homeless individuals yeah, that's what percent of them. It's supposed to be individuals experiencing homelessness Yeah, 500 times more likely to commit crimes 500 times more likely that's 50,000 percent. That's crazy Five times would be five That means they're constantly committing crimes Their existence of crime is that the point? No, no, but I'm saying, you know, what crimes exactly? You know thievery setting up fucking setting up a tent in the wrong place

You ever try to be at my trying to enjoy a warm fire on a winter's night. They're just fucking everywhere. They're always in your shit. They're always... Even if they're not being, like, harmful and menacing, they're doing cute little routines that are wasting your fucking time. Cute little routines. Almost people are like a pop-up ad in real life.

Yeah. Like, I can't find the X, bro. This is like a mobile pop-up ad in real life. I just wish it was fucking gone. I don't care how. Just get it the fuck out of my face. So your problem with homeless? No, I don't have any change, dude.

It's the fucking tooth. It's 2023. I haven't touched any change in like five years. Why don't you get a fucking clue, you dumb homeless idiot? Why don't they get square readers all the homeless that'd be pretty funny fucking dumb that's why hold on some of these people are just down on their luck they might be experiencing mental illness you know there's there's a lot of reasons some might end up homeless not just they're evil criminals formerly incarcerated people

formerly incarcerated are almost 10 times more likely to be homeless Than the general public How about that? Well, that's sad for them That seems like a society failure It's worse for me, though Why is it worse for you? Because I gotta fucking deal with it

They have to live on the street Yeah, but that's the Their All day is that's the worst thing that will ever happen to them I have a worst thing that could happen to me, which is encountering them. So my normal, like there could be like a space alien

and the worst part of his day would be running into me, right? And I would say, I'm literally sorry for existing and inconveniencing you your great life. So why don't they fucking understand that? So a homeless guy coming up to you and asking you for a nickel is worse to you than having to live

on the street. Yeah. Okay. Because it gets, this is a bad part of my day. The problem is worse in large urban areas. Oh yeah, New York City, 54% of people released from prison move straight into the city's

shelter system, which is basically homeless. Yeah. All criminals, basically. Well, shouldn't we have more shelters, maybe? No, because they'll ruin them. That's the funniest part about the homeless, right? Look, there's all kinds of people who want to act like they're fucking Mother Teresa. They're like, oh, we've got to do something about these fucking homeless, you know?

Why are we doing all this stuff? We really need to be worried about the homeless. But the real reason is because fuck the homeless. There's millions of apartments available right now. Yeah. But we can't even let them in there because they'll mess them all up. Take all the copper out of the walls. Or whatever they're doing, put extra copper in.

Yeah. Who knows what they'd do. Why don't we just like find like an island I'm listening And you know build like some not great You know like a bunch of places And just go homeless guys we'll make you a deal At any point you can go to homeless island

You know you get one cheeseburger a day All the liquor you can drink You just gotta go through those doors It's right on the other side There's a boat over there waiting to take you to home. What's on the other side of your door, Dick? Why do I have the feeling there's no boat over there? Just go check.

I want an actual island. You want a trick island that sends them into a meat grinder. I just want to save everybody some money. We sent all the criminals to Australia and that worked. Why don't we send all the homeless to new Australia? Yeah. Why don't you send them to regular Australia? Send? Yeah. Or just send them to regular Australia. Why don't we put our-

Send them to the fucking moon, man. I'm so fucking tired of them sitting there next to your car door. You want me to open your door? Oh, man. Where are you going in LA that they try to open your car door for you? They do that to my girlfriend all the fucking time. Really? Yeah. She's going to Pilates in the morning. I've gotten the-

They stand there outside like zombies. I've gotten the guy with the water bottle and the dirty rag wants to clean my window. That's fine. I got no problem. I'll give him a dollar for that. Don't even look at my car. I don't have a nice car anyway.

Shouldn't we care about our more destitute among us dick? No, because they're all doing crimes and rapes. Well, what do you want to do with them? Just have Scott Adams say it, then you're okay. That's your shield. I'll tell you what Scott Adams wants to do with them. I can tell you that right now.

Well, actually, the thing we could do is grind them up in a meatloaf for our more discerning culinary citizens. 18% of women homeless will be raped during their lifetime. And 1% of men. Why are you laughing at that stat? I don't know. What, so the other 80% of women weren't rapeable? Probably got nothing to do down there. The rapists go like

I'm done raping for today I'm all raped out I've raped about 20% of you And I'm coming back for the same 20% As of 2020 women account for 40% Of those individuals experiencing homelessness So That's a lot

I never know why they give me that stat What am I supposed to do with the knowledge Because you're supposed to care more That means most of them are men well yeah but you're supposed to go like oh man i wish i could like adopt a stray woman off the street and like clean her up you can just put some fentanyl in a bag and on the end of a fishing rod and lure her into your house this is how bad the homeless are all these women no one would clean them up and fuck them Like how bad do you have to be As a woman

All the meth sores and everything That shit washes up Meth sores do not wash up sir It takes some time 20-40% of homeless Have a substance abuse issue So actually So 60% of them are just women

Okay so wait you said 40% of them have substance 20 to 40 I don't know why that number is I don't know why they ever don't just say the middle one yeah 30% so that means of these 40% women 60% of them do not have meth sores that's a pretty good number of women to yeah go go get yourself a wife trad trad guys. Go find a crazy homeless lady and put her in a fucking 1950s dress and tell her to make you, I don't know, fucking mayo pie or whatever the fuck you're excited about. Hmm.

Let me see if I have any more stats. Tell her to raise your 3.5 children in your perfect ranch-style home. Yeah. I think, Dick, that the homeless, you know, it's tragic what's going on, but there's not really an easy solution because so many of them suffer from mental illness. We just got to make a deal with them.

Like, we'll make houses for half of you, but the other half got to go. Or we'll set up a Battle Royale-style situation where you have to fight for just one homeless. Yeah, exactly. situation where you have to fight for and there's one homeless left yeah exactly we build for each hundred homeless people we build one house yeah with a big arena around it oh and we go whoever is left standing gets this plot of land and a donkey and yeah you can subsistence farm yeah i just think they i think i just came up with a great premise for a movie. I feel like this is a legit good science fiction horror thriller. America solved the housing problem with The Homeless Wars. Welcome to Homeless City, USA.

And there's 100 of them? There's 100 homes and 10,000 homeless people. 10,000 homeless? We have 10,000 homeless people, and they've got to live together in one house. Meet Aaron. Yeah, there's got to be a marker. Anthony. Albert.

Yeah. Right? Because it's A. The only real solution to the homeless problem is to ship them to a state with a cold climate and let them freeze to death. I'm tired of even trying to think about homeless solution problems. Yeah. You know?

Because then you got to go, oh, well, actually, it's the government that's putting a stop to all the low housing. Like, oh, well, actually, I'm so fucking tired of this shit. I don't care with what we have right now. I don't know. I'm okay with the tents. I don't care. You don't go outside, though.

I don't go to fucking Skid Row. They're digging through your trash. They climb all the way up the hill and dig through your stuff. Yeah, you got to push them down the hill. I get that. I mean, you need rollers on all the cattle guards. All homeless people have to wear roller skates, so they're easier to push away from us. Yeah, I got this solution on my show.

What? That they should all wear rollers. They all have to wear roller skates. Legally. Because then they can disperse a little bit. Did you really come up with that? Yeah. Because I swear to God

I just came up with that. No, you know like those, remember those roller slides on the playground as a kid where it's like a long flat side and it's a bunch of rollers and you can't run up it? Right.

That's what we just have to put, we have to dig a big pit and throw all the homeless in there so they can't run up. And just pave over it. Yeah, and then you can just push them away.

The women listening to the show know what I'm talking about Fair enough Alright that's my problem Homeless not homelessness Dick I got a problem it's short but sweet Broken USB cables How do USB cables I don't get it

I keep buying them they never work I don't know if I'm buying the wrong ones And I look online I'm like well how do I get a good USB cable never work. I don't know if I'm buying the wrong ones. And I look online. I'm like, well, how do I get a good USB cable? And they're like, well, it's all about the wire gauge. You want a lower gauge because it's a thicker cable. And then I go on Amazon and I'm like, well, what's the gauge of this fucking one?

They're like, I don't know, man. He's got to buy it and find out. Some of them are flimsy. I don't know if it's going to tell right away. This one's not going to last. Why do they not sell a thing that I can plug my USB cord in And it tells me if it's a good one or not You know Well they have those little like springs

That you can put on the plug Where the wire plugs into the Where the cord plugs into the plug That junction They have like a spring you can put there That will save the flexing Because the flexing is what kills you The little end of the cord Because the flexing is what kills you. If the cord, the little end of the

cord, because the wire gets a little detached. It yanks back and forth like you're pulling a tooth out. Okay, because I'll get new USB cords, and I'm all excited. They show up, and I go, finally. For some reason I'm always convinced. I'll buy a four-pack, and I'm like, these are nice. These are braided. They've got colors.

These are going to be good ones. These are your lifetime cords. First I plug them in, and it goes, your phone is fast-charging. They've got, like, colors, you know? Like, these are going to be good ones. These are your lifetime cords. And then, like, first I plug them in, and it goes, your phone is fast charging. And I'm like, oh, I love it. Look at all the charge it's getting. And then, like, a month later, I go to plug it in, and it's like, I'm not getting anything, man. Yeah. I'm not getting anything.

I don't even know why you put this in me. It does nothing. I'm in my car. I got a little car charger. It's been great. And now I go to plug it in. It goes, there's nothing in me, man. I don't even think you plugged a cord in. And if you did, I refuse

to acknowledge it. There's no... I just want a good one. I will pay more for a good one, but I can't figure out what a good one is because nobody like... I go on Amazon and there's like 5,000 reviews and everyone just goes, yeah, that's a good USB cord. I tell you what.

I'm like, no. Well, why? What makes this one good? Which is the better one? You want a lifetime guarantee. That's what you need. Yeah. You should be able to when your USB cord sucks. They just ship it to you every couple months.

They ship you another one because they know it's going to break. And it's one of those things where I can't just be like, oh, my USB cord sucks. I'll just go to the store and buy one because then the store, they're like, oh, you want a USB cord? Yeah. It's going to be 40 bucks. Yeah. 30, $ the store they're like, oh you want a USB cord? Yeah, it's gonna be 40 bucks $40 40 you're like what are you fucking retarded? I'm not paying them for USB cord. Why do they do that? Why do they do why why why can I not just go to the store and buy a USB cord for? $5 if I can get it online for the same because they know I need it right then that's so why I

Need these things They run my life. Okay? And then I'm constantly juggling them around trying to be like, okay, this cord's kind of a little bit better than this cord, but I think if I use this charger with that cord, it's not as good. So I have to use this charger, and it's this constant fucking swap around game, and I don't know which charger and which cord is the ideal

situation. And then you go, well, just use the one that came with your phone, and you go, I don't remember which one came with my phone. That's the best one. Yeah but why? And if that's the best one why can't I just buy more of those? I don't even think they sell them separately. No they don't sell them separately. They know it too. I'm gonna fucking kill myself. I just want to charge my

devices. They refuse to stay charged and everything I plug. You know what I got in here? Yeah what do you got? A magnet. So you got a little charging mat for it? Yeah I just put it on there. No kind of wiggling around. Well, I need to charge stuff other than my phone. I get it.

Maybe I'll get one of those from Samsung or whatever. But I got all sorts of devices. Yeah. I got that Steam Deck. That thing sucks power. And that thing needs its own separate charger because it's like a fucking beast battery. And then sometimes you ever plug in a charger and then you realize it's been smoldering and turning brown slowly then sometimes you ever like plug in like a charger and then you realize it's been like smoldering and turning brown slowly and you're like what the

fuck's that about yeah or you touch your the power box thing and it's like that's way too hot something's clearly wrong but it's been working for two years and then it works for three more years like i don't know man that's fucking not good I don't know if it's getting in here or what. There needs to be like a USB console that every USB cord goes to them and rank them on a fucking list or whatever. Oh, this is the best one. Yeah, this is the best one. Maybe your church could be that. Fine. We've come back and found that this is the best one.

Yeah. Or like this one is a trick. Do you think China's like their quality control like hoards all the good ones? I don't know. Oh, that's the good one. Like they make a million and they're like, these are good 10 and they keep them in the country and then ship us all the crummy ones. It should be illegal. It should be punishable by death to sell these trick ones.

You know, you go to like the gas station or whatever. Yeah. You know, when you're really truly desperate And buy the charger At the thing and then it's complete Dog shit and it's rated for I don't know one amp or whatever the fuck You don't even know it should be illegal To sell those I got I bought

A car charger in desperation Because I left mine and the guy goes like oh well That has a lifetime guarantee on it this The one you just bought I'm like wow I know that Means it's worse Yeah that means it's worse. Yeah, that means it's going to break. That means it's going to break immediately. And he goes, yeah, you take it to any Chevron.

And I'm like, I take it to any Chevron and just what? Come in here with a mangled thing and say, oh, you know, you got to have the receipt. I'm like, I'm not fucking keeping the receipt for a $40 charger forever. I bought Randy, you know, Randy. I was riding around his car. I'm like, dude, this is, he had a, he. I was riding around his car. I'm like, dude, this is, he had a, he had a USB connector for his phone that didn't even

have any cord on it anymore. It was just like wires, wires. Like what the fuck is this? So I bought him one. I'm like, I can't hear it. You have to use this. Yeah. But the thing is, once, Once you find a USB cord that works

You go That's it I can't touch it Yeah Because the next one I get Might be a fucking trap And it might break for no reason At least we're finally past the USB 2.0 connectors

You remember those? Wait I thought that's what you're talking about No 3.0 is what we got now No the rectangle is 1.0 Is the 3.0 the oval? Yeah The 3 is the oval? Yeah

The 3 is the oval? 2 is the one that was Kind of like a trapezoid I got all excited For that oval one So I bought Wait the trape No that's the mini

No that's the 2 No 2 is that rectangle That always goes In the wrong way And then you flip it over And you gotta flip it over again That's 1? Yeah

No That's 2 2 is. No. That's two. Two is like the little mini kind of trapezoidal thing. No, that's mini. And then micro is a small version of that. Hold on, I'm bringing it up. All right, maybe you're right. USB connectors types.

There, look at that one. Which one? Oh, here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any? Yeah. There, look at that one Which one? Oh, here A Yeah, 2 Oh, 1.122 A, B So these are all USB

Mini A, but Okay, so it's mini A, but like 2 No, micro So none of them are 1 Micro B, 2 But that's a 2 It's still a 2, though That's not what it says

It says 1.122. So twos can be. And none of them are one. You were wrong. No, because I said it was two. That means you were wrong. I didn't say it was one. I said all of this was two.

I said the trapezoid was two, and you said no. No. You said two is the. Two is this one. They're all two. We're both right. That's the said two is the. Two is this one. They're all two. We're both right. That's the worst way to be. Okay.

I was thinking of micro B. I got all excited when three came out. So I bought a bunch of them. Yeah. And then like nothing takes it. Like it all needs its own special. Yeah. And there's no like.

This fucking sucks. I just want a site That I can go to And they go What are you trying to charge? Here's the charger You should buy for that The best one

It'll never break That's all I want Basically Like charliecharge.com Yeah Come to me I'll get you Come to Charlie Charge

Somebody register Charlie Charge right now This is actually a great idea That we just had The website that you go And you go, I'm using this device, and it goes, get this cord and this charger, and it's perfectly amp-rated and the cord won't

break or whatever the fuck. Is there an American made charger that you can buy? No, they're all Korean dog shit. Is Jeremy Boring and Daily Wire making a non- woke USB cable that I can buy? That's the worst part is I go on Amazon and I'm like, well, what's a trusted brand? They're like, well, we got Akinar

and Sclop-a-Plof and Plank and Jang and I'm like, Sobe, Chrome Jump, Sony with two Ys, Samsung and Soomsing and I'm like, I just want a fucking card that works. Okay. USB

cables slash chargers. I don don't know it's all a mess that's your problem yes okay uh charging cables here's my last problem uh it's no flying cars let me pull up i've got a so like regular cars uh is that there are no flying cars okay i was just messing with you no flying cars well yeah like a regular car Speaker 2, Speaker 3, Speaker 4, Speaker 5, Speaker 6, Speaker 7, Speaker 8, Speaker 9, Speaker 10, Speaker 11, Speaker 12, Speaker 13, Speaker 14, Speaker 15, Speaker 16, Speaker 17, Speaker 18, Speaker 19, Speaker 20, Speaker 21, Speaker 22, Speaker 23, Speaker 24, Speaker They took it away from us at the last moment. I can't believe. Here we go, Vito. Trump proposes a bold national. Wait, is this real?

When did he put this out? Just before the show. Charter up to 10 to the best proposals for development. Here we go. Get ready. In other words, we'll actually build new cities in our country again. These freedom cities will reopen. This is what his campaign is, alright?

Freedom cities! Freedom cities. Now here comes an even better thing for America. Reignite American imagination. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the hundreds of thousands of young people and other people, all hard-working families, a new shot at home ownership,

and in fact, the American dream. Another big opportunity is in transportation. Dozens of major companies in the United States and China are racing to develop vertical takeoff and landing vehicles for families and individuals.

I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Vito. What? Trump is bringing in,

is inventing, this is so stupid, flying cars. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this a deep fake video? Who put this out? This is fake. Trump did.

Scroll up. Why would this be fake? Scroll up. This guy, he has a check mark. This must be a deep fake. Trump did. Scroll up. Why would this be fake? Scroll up. This guy, he has a check mark. This must be a deep fake. What was fake about that Chinese and American companies are making vertical lifting off cars for families and individuals that we've wanted for so long? So long we've wanted them and big car companies and big government has been holding them back from us.

We wanted flying cars. Genuinely. I mean, like Trump was always a joke, but this is genuinely. What is a joke about a car that flies around? So far that he goes, all right, how do I win this thing? What does everybody want? A flying car and a hooker in every pocket. I didn't even know.

I can't do the second one, but I can get a flying car. I didn't even know I could dream of it because I was so wrapped up in how dumb self-driving cars are. Hey, I'll tell you this. It's a better pitch than DeSantis' I'm going to destroy the woke Disney Corporation. Flying car. Do you know how much woke stuff you could destroy if you were flying around above cities, shitting all over everyone? I think just as the United States led the automotive revolution in the last century, I want to ensure that America, not China, leads this revolution in air mobility.

In the flying car industry, Vito. He just said the Chinese are making the cars. We've got to get on top of this. And then in the same breath he's saying that we need to invent the first. If we make flying cars, they're going to come from China. We've got to invent them first. They're absolutely coming from China. They're not going to come from America.

They've got to be American made. Flying cars. It's very important. We're not going to open a bunch of flying car factories. Yes, we've got to get on top of this now. I'm going to kill myself. If we don't, if we don't, what did Biden say? He's going to cure cancer? I don't give a shit about cancer.

I want a flying car now. So the Trump, so would you rather have a flying car or no cancer? Flying car or cure for cancer? I would rather. You know the answer. That's why you don't want to look me in the eyes.

Would I rather have a flying car or no? Or cure cancer? Honestly, cure cancer. I would rather cure cancer. No, you're lying or not un-American. That's such a dumb answer. It would be kind of cool to have a flying car or no- Or cure cancer. Honestly, cure cancer. I would rather cure cancer. No, you're lying or not un-American. That's such a dumb answer. It would be kind of cool to have a flying car. You would take it in a second.

It's not your cancer. You're just saying cancer in general. I just think one of those is more feasible than flying cars. What do you know? You're not a fucking scientist. Trump's talked to scientists that are building this stuff in China. Is this all? Okay, so I remember when Trump just would say stuff like,

I'm going to build a wall. I'm going to drain the swamp. You don't think walls exist either? Yay. And now he goes, I'm going to build you a flying car. I'm going to give you a blow job. And you guys go, yay. Yay.

How much better would your life be if you had a flying car? Infinitely better. Infinitely. You don't have to deal with homeless people harassing you at the stoplight. You don't have to. Homeless guy can't roll up to your window and ask for change if you're flying. Unless he has some kind of a liberal jetpack paid for by. Well, don't our most destitute deserve to fly alongside us?

Flying cars. No. Flying cars get rid of traffic. How did you ever support this guy? How? What? This is crazy. This is

insanity. Who would you rather support as politician that is going to invent flying cars and not invent them by dominating? I'm gonna give unlimited candy to every school child like, what are you gonna do to me? He's magical. He's just, this is ridiculous. He just says anything

to get votes and you guys go, yeah, free healthcare, that's gonna happen. That happened. It's happening. Because I want, at least I want a lie that's not gay. What else do you want Daddy Trump to give you? No traffic accidents in a flying car. How?

Why? Because you've got all this air to go around in. Yeah, no one's ever crashed into anything in the air. It's impossible. No, they actually, except for 9-11, no one has ever got into an accident. Sure. And I'm sure adding, you know, half a million aircraft to the sky will be the safest thing that we've ever done. It scales vertically.

You could drive all kinds of places. Women could hug down by the ground where they belong. And you're going to get caught in a flash storm and you're going to crash into a building and kill a bunch of children. You can't get caught. You could do all kinds of drugs. You could smoke a bong, do a bunch of lines all over. Pilots could do all kinds of stuff. What are we going to power these things with?

Gasoline? Yeah, sure. Electricity. Electricity. Electricity. Why not? Apparently, everything's going electric anyway, so why not flying cars? Yeah, let's run

on solar power. You can get close to the sun. Yeah, we're doing solar power and windmills. That's how we're doing the flying cars. No more road rage with flying cars. I can't believe that Trump is promising you a flying car. Yeah. And that you've come in. He's gonna deliver.

And instead of going, well, that's stupid. You're going, yep, that's what we need. Do you think it's a problem or not that we don't have flying cars? I don't think it's a problem, though. I have never felt that we needed a flying car. I guess we'll see then. If the audience agrees with you that you're lonely. Explain.

Why do we need a flying car? Why? I just told you. No traffic accidents. So to solve traffic. No. Why no pollution? You can't just say no pollution. Because you're not sitting there in traffic shooting a bunch of pollution out. You don't think planes pollute?

No, because it goes up higher. If you're on the ground shitting pollution out, it stays on the ground. If you're way up high, the pollution stays up there. That's not how that works. The pollution. It makes more ozone layer, actually. Oh, it makes more ozone. Yeah.

Need less? Why don't you just bring it? It frees up the roads. Yeah. So you could run around on the roads. That's not a problem either. I've never said I need to run around on the roads right now. Really?

I don't look at the road and go, how come I'm not running down the middle of the highway? This is a big problem I've got here. No more waiting for these other guys to finish with their soccer. You know what? You can just play soccer right on the freeway. To make the point that we could free up, you know, demolish some of the highways and free up space for homeless cities. Low income housing.

Yeah, get those fuckers to work. Put them out on the freeway. Guys, go stay up there. Get out of this. Get away from this bookstore. That seems like a benefit of the flying car. See? I just think the benefits of the flying car are outweighed by the fact that it is the pipe dream of a lunatic who is desperate to...

Did you see, did you listen to his january 6th song no uh trump released a single uh of him reciting the pledge of allegiance while the january 6th choir which is a bunch of prisoners who are arrested because of their participation in an insurrection uh saying like the star spangled banner or some shit yeah Trump's really taken a beating over that January 6th lack of pardons But luckily Yeah, he did He fucked that up big time Well, that's why he's now got them singing songs for him

You know, so he's like That's pretty good And they're going to donate the proceeds to the families To themselves? Yeah, basically Okay, so You know, take care of your family You could do like NFTs for them too

In jail for punching cops for no good reason. What do you care about cops? I just think that if a madman tells you, I'm actually the president, go punch a bunch of cops for me. That's not the best reason to punch cops. If someone says punch a cop, I don't need to hear the reason. Someone says, oh, why'd you go to jail? Punch the cop and say, I don't need to know why. What if that cop was arresting a homeless guy?

And then the homeless guy gets away because you punched him. He couldn't get up and still arrest the homeless guy? Pussy. You're interfering with cleaning up our streets. Well, I'm glad you and Team Trump have your big campaign issue. Better than a flying car. The answer is no because Not having flying cars is the biggest problem in the universe

And Trump is even trying He's trying Maybe he won't Did he really say this? I don't know Because I'm going to feel stupid if this is fake But it does seem like him But it's still no flying cars is the problem

Not having flying cars is the problem Okay having flying cars. Yeah problem. Okay yet yet Now maybe he won't make flying cars, but it's still a problem. But at least he's trying at least he's trying What can you say about you trying to make flying cars dick? So if Biden said he was gonna make flying cars too late. He's just obviously copy Obviously copy what if he's working on cancer? teleportation? Nah, I don't want that. Then he wins. I don't want that, because that's just dying.

Yeah. Whatever comes out the other side is not me. It's not you. No. I'm not stepping in that fucking booth. What if they sent your atoms through a fucking wormhole? It's the same atoms. No, I don't think there's any theoretical wormhole that would not...

Once you're disassembled, you cannot be reassembled. Yeah, it's not me. Fair enough. Flying car. Not for me. No flying cars. Is teleportation stuff veto? Not for me. Not for me. Pass.

Not a fan. Pass. Okay, what if- Do I need to see a bunch of drag queens on fucking Alpha Centauri? What if- No, I'll see a bunch of morons here, thank you. Okay, what if I- Women here don't want to sleep with me either. I don't need to

go see it over there. How about I send your consciousness to a robot in another city, you pilot the robot around, and then it downloads its memories back into you. Like an entangled robot that you sent off now, and then put me in a, like a black hole time accelerator, and I wake up and

you'd be in like a 10,000 years here. Sure. Okay, that I'm up for. That's in like a thousand years here. Sure. Okay. That's that I'm up for. That's the biggest problem though. We don't have that. What a show guys. Don't forget. Vote on all the problems at biggest problem.

That show. Check out the bonus episodes at patreon.com slash biggest problem as well as backed dot by biggest problem. All right, let's do these. Thanks to all our supporters for getting us to 10,000 subscribers. Please tell your friends about this show. Okay. Let's see. Here we go.

Hey, Dick and Vito. I just wanted to point out that Dick is a complete fucking idiot about the protein thing. Dick, you've clearly never used a protein bottle shaker, blender bottle. I believe there is a brand. I work out regularly and don't have a problem with my protein shakes. I put the protein in the cup and I make sure the bottle is in there.

And then I put in whatever liquid I choose to put in there. Water, usually. Other guys come. And yeah, it's a big bottle and I close the lid and make sure it's closed tight and then I just shake it like a motherfucker for about 30 seconds or so

and then I drink the liquid and at the bottom there is no tennis ball, as you said. It's hollow. It's like lumps. It's like lumps It's lumps Bottle brush Boom Told you about that bottle brush, bro I told you about the bottle brush

Cause I actually work out So I'm tired Yeah me too My arms are tired I have to lay down I don't have time to go Do woman stuff Like washing dishes

I just use my protein shaker Brushing After I work out strenuously I grab my protein shaker dick As we all do And if there's any residue I use my bottle brush Bad problem

Vote it down Protein clumps. Fucking stupid problem. It's me, guys. It's Dick Masters here. Oh, man. I can't believe how fucking stupid and gay Vito's problem was. Anchor bias.

It is a dumb problem. No, it's not because it bias. It is a dumb problem. No, it's not, because it won. It is stupid. If it wins, I'm going to give up half my fucking Patreon for the month of Vito because it's so dumb. And it'll never win in a million

years. Also, if I forgot I did this Message it's cause I hit my Head and if I protest This it's because I'm either lying or

I thank myself And you said you were going to give up half the Patreon Oh I see And you forgot about it cause you're retarded Thanks Dick Well that's legally binding I'm pretty sure you're retarded. See you at the show, Vito. Thanks, Dick. Well, that's legally binding, I'm pretty sure. You got to give me half the Patreon because you left that message.

All right, next month. Okay. A lot of people love that problem. Your dumb, like, anchor thing. Don't pretend like you don't know what it is. You know exactly what it is. Okay. Man, I got to tell you, Vito's anchor problem is such a good fucking problem.

Boom. I mean, they're always on, you know, four times a day, lying to our boomer parents, getting them all riled up with their polyester suits and their cheap smiles, reading a fucking script from Sinclair Media. Fucking anchors. I'm telling you, Vito's on the money with this anchor problem. Thank you. Huge fucking problem. Thank you.

News anchors. All anchors are a problem today. They all have an effect? You ever try to dock a ship? It's an anchoring problem you got there. Do you go to docking school in Clouster? My dad had a boat. We never really used it.

Oh, it's this kind of docking? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That's the worst kind of docking. All right. This one might be good. Hey, guys. So I was listening to Tim Kass because I fucking hate myself.

Yeah. And I subject myself to that kind of content on a daily basis. And I realized something. One of their guests showed up and was like, yeah, I'm here. I'm fighting on the front of the culture war. And it's like something fucking clicked. And it was this weird feeling that I had like,

I don't know, like 10 years ago when people were like, hey change your picture to the thing to show you have solidarity for the thing and you're fighting against the thing you're for a thing

the thing, and it's just like I'm realizing people saying that they're fighting on the front of the culture war is pretty much the same thing as you know black to this on Facebook I'm here on this podcast talking yeah I'm fighting the culture war I'm from Gregory you the beard. The worst part about the culture war thing is they go, well, I'm making a difference because I'm inspiring young people. You're inspiring them to do what you do.

Just make endless YouTube videos complaining about culture war. Yeah, you're not voting. You're not getting people elected. You're not changing policy. And you're not making any culture. Yeah, you know, you're just encouraging more young people. I love what Destiny said on our No Jumper appearance where he goes, I don't understand

how conservatives complain about why aren't we represented in the arts and media after they spent decades telling every kid who like was a little bit artistic, like you're gay. Art is gay. Who said that? Well, I think I was agreeing with him. He brought it up. Yeah. He didn't say that you're gay part.

Well, that's basically what they did. That was funnier when you said it, though. I like when Destiny said- And then all the gay kids went to art school and then became directors and, you know, animators or whatever and took over the culture because the conservatives, you know, told them they were fairies. Conservatives don't understand that, like, they're making art to make art and the morality happens to be liberal-leaning

because it's a fantasy. Conservatives make art in service of their politics, and it's just all crap and trash because they won't let any kind of natural storytelling that we like to hear because it's the opposite of life. The reason fantasy liberal stories are good is because they're not based in reality.

That's not the way it works. No, we would have a much different structure if magic and dragons and whatever the fuck existed. Yeah. And conservatives are, you know, sitting there going,

like, yeah, but, like, you still got to have basic capitalist principles. And you're like, no, you got to give that up in a world where you can transmute gold. Like, stop worrying about... You just can't in a world where you can transmute gold. Like stop worrying about,

Oh, you just can't make endless Westerns. At a certain point, you can't. Yeah. At a certain point, the good man with the gun has solved enough problems. Especially not a Western with a fucking woman.

What are you talking about? You talking about Gina Carana? Yeah. Or I've met a Dr. Quinn, any sort of woman. There's terror on the prairie. And if anyone's going stop it it's gina

uh do the last one real quick because i think that was a big contentious point on our last okay all right hey dick hey veto uh i just wanted to weigh in on he sounds gay what do you think he's got a he's got a feminine i'm just saying for purposes of this discussion it sounds like he's a gay guy i don't know if he's gay i just want to call it early he's got a feminine. I'm just saying, for purposes of this discussion, it sounds like he's a gay guy to call it. Maybe he'll identify as a gay guy. I don't know if he's gay. I just want to call it early. He's got a nice way of speaking.

The which is gayer conversation from last week. I can see where both people are coming from. You know, like, I totally understand the logic of dick in the butt is gayer. Which it is. totally understand the logic of dick in the butt is gayer uh but i feel very strongly that sucking a dick is gayer for all the reasons you guys have listed uh and i am like flexible in the same way veto is i don't think he's in denial but just factually it's like no it is fully gayer to suck a dick because you're being submissive right there's pleasure receptors in the ass you can be straight and like fingers in the butt or get pegged i mean it's kind of gay but you know it's whatever but there's no pleasure

receptors in the mouth you are you're just it's right for you you're like getting some kind of a masochistic actually i don't know if that's right would you use that but it's like you you're just getting off on being submissive you don't physically get anything from it you're you're getting horny from making someone i don't you know i think you guys get it you know you're gay all guys get it We get arrested for playing this in Florida now I just walk around the street I don't know I fuck chicks. Yeah boners Still maintain Okay, if you put a popsicle in your mouth, it's normal if you're gonna put a popsicle in your ass, it's gay therefore

Shit in your ass. It's gay. Therefore, putting shit in your ass. What shit? Like shit you're shitting. Is that gay? How would I put shit in my ass? What are you talking about? Like you're taking a shit. You're going out. You're going to the bathroom. Exiting your ass. It's not shit. No, it was. Shut up. What's the difference? It's an exit performance. Sometimes it

sucks back in a little bit. It's gay to put a dick in your ass. It's not gay to take a dick out of your ass That's really a brain buster Jerry You know there's logic to that When you put it Putting the dick in That's the gay thing If you go

Hey take that dick out of me That's you being not gay. Maybe. So the exiting is always. What if you're saying it sarcastically? I'm not saying it sarcastically. Hmm. Well.

Putting stuff in your mouth is normal. The world may never know. Putting stuff in your ass is queer. And we know this. And we get this. Yeah. It's unnatural. It was not meant to happen in nature.

It was not meant to happen? nature it was not meant to happen i don't think god or whatever i don't think evolutionary process ever accounted for butt sex it's just kind of i could be wrong i'd love to see some studies why do do animals practice butt sex on accident probably on accident yeah it's damaging it's dangerous it's unnatural do gay guys get like colon cancer and stuff From having so much Butt sex that they do have? I think they

I think they actually do Do they really? Thankfully Biden's Gonna solve that Instead of wasting our time With these fucking Flying cars Or gay guys

Yeah he's helping gay guys Good Fly around with a little Miata Stop it Have sex over your Panty's house We're gonna read

Some super chats guys thanks for coming by the greatest podcast in the universe please tell your friends to listen to the show we gotta get these numbers up holy shit there's a lot of people yeah tell all your friends wait go bug any celebrity and tell them to listen which one find us some guests we've had some suggestions go bug one. One specifically. Yeah. I don't know. I can't think of one.

We might have some exciting guests coming up. I mean, I don't know. I don't know who we got to get, but we got to get somebody. Mike Hunt is here for five. In spite of all the data collection, porn sites still insist on recommending the old and fat women porn. I will last 30 seconds with these suggestions. Hmm.

Wait, but so you're. That's 80. Nobody's saying I will last 30 seconds with these suggestions wait but so you're that's 80 nobody's saying i will last 30 seconds with these suggestions so doesn't that mean you want fat old lady porn if you're busting so quickly that you can't last 30 seconds i think the ads say five seconds see if you can let no one can come no one could last the world's first 3d sex game i'm'm like, oh boy, the first one. John Riffs for 10. What artists are you thinking of having help on Super Killer? I heard Scott Adams is interested. He and Super Killer have similar, Jesus Christ, similar opinions on certain people.

Dilbert and Super Killer versus Isom and MLK. Okay. I don't like that suggestion. I don't think Scott Adams will be contributing. What if he would want to draw a cover of dilbert and super killer i really have to think about it i feel like now is not the time to embrace dilbert creator scott adams as a creative force for getting the world okay i will say this there's any uh artists you know or artists in the uh community who might be interested in helping make some trading cards

no you can't draw him kneeling on ice um okay but i i kind of need some art you got all this like trading cards and stuff when's the comic gonna be done when the trading cards are ready okay it's the longest comic how long have you been working on this like like over a year all right that's not so bad. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Why don't I want to do it good? And I'm going to do it good.

I'm going to put the polish on it. King N6. I hope that's. Oh, N64 in 1994. I saw King N and I was a little worried. Yeah, I think you spelled it out with the numbers there. King N64, a little bit more sensitive to veto than these types of things for $50. Thank you for the 50 from King and 64. Inshallah. You can get wings of redemption on the podcast. It's just, it might be a good get just to stick it to Boogie Before they start their own podcast

I'm sure he would love to converse Scott Adams Also, Vito, I loved your toupee last show Hope you get more wigs from fans Me too More wigs We do have a present Oh yeah? So he said stick to Boogie 2 before they start their

2B4 That's not it That No, it's not It's not no. Yeah, I was looking at that coo for two. Thank you all for not killing yourselves. Thank you I'm getting too close, but I keep backing away at the last moment Gun goes in gun comes out gun goes in was it gay for the gun to come out of your mouth? Has anyone ever killed themselves by? So is it gay for the gun to come out of your mouth? Has anyone ever killed themselves by shooting themselves up the ass?

The most recent South Park, actually, they do that. You got to watch the new season. You're behind the times. They also, South Park, talks about my favorite problem, fear of bidets. Really? Their newest recent episode is about why we should all have Japanese toilets and how the toilet paper industry is costing devastating rainforests around the world. Toothless Ninja for 10. Vito is definitely the type to read Garfield and laugh.

Depends on the Garfield. Garfield's great. Some Garfields are good. I had all those books when I was a kid. I saw a picture. It was like an infographic of the richest people by richest uh people by like industry as like comics like jim davis sure i think he has like more money than the south park guys like garfield yeah was a fucking everyone knows garfield yeah the calendar is not around that's what other people

don't realize about scott adams he's throwing away like uh probably 20 million dollar a year enterprise of all the stupid little, you know, everybody in the working in their cubicle goes, hey, check out this Dilbert comic a day calendar I got. I rip it off and what's the deal with these reports on the data chip or whatever. File a memo. What an idiot. Why the fuck would you throw that away?

Rich for five. Looking forward to seeing you boys at Philly Road Rage Part 2 Electric Boogaloo. Vito, you could do better. What the fuck would you throw that away? Rich for five. Looking forward to seeing you boys at Philly Road Rage Part 2 Electric Boogaloo. Vito, you could do better. What the fuck does that mean? Entertainment for five. Methane and cow farts changes climate too. That's pretty funny. It's pretty good.

You read that one. To be fair. To be fair. It turns them to beef release. Cooper Billups for two. Caffeine and nicotine are the best meal replacers. Sure. Riley Edwards for two.

Good stinger, Vito. You're my favorite female comedian. Thank you. Mitchell Kraszewski for two. All the coolest things are found in landfills. Yeah, like pops. Fuck you. Sol 2XL for two.

Vito is legit making the same argument as Scott Adams. No, I'm not. Well, the survey was the issue with Scott Adams. I don't care if he says that stuff, but to say it's because of this survey is just. Do you think it would be okay to say black Americans are a hate group as long as it wasn't based on a stupid poll? Yeah, people wouldn't care as much then because it would just be like a racist thing. Yeah. Like he tried to connect that to the survey Which was dumb

I'm really tired of his smug like Well now that I've started the conversation As I planned And I'm like shut the fuck up Vito What? Vito, of course you wouldn't understand my 4D chess You just wanted to start a conversation?

Why didn't you just post the n-word on Twitter If you want to start a conversation Anybody can start a conversation That's the stupidest thing in the world It takes no effort to start a conversation, Scott You can't say you're playing 4D chess Initiating the conversation is half the battle No, it's not You didn't initiate a conversation

I can initiate Anyone can initiate a conversation It doesn't matter Oh, didn't I? Yeah, okay. So you said something stupid and racist on Twitter, and now, ooh, everybody's talking about it. I really started a conversation by throwing my fucking career away for no reason. Stop it.

Stop with the smug laugh. Stop being so fucking smug about all this, you fucking idiots. It's the stupidest point in the world. Vito. Yeah, what? Can I ask you something sure? Do you think it's okay to be white? The fuck is that mean it is

Oh my god, exactly exactly my point not exactly my point now you get it I'm gonna fuck it. I hate you. I hate you so much now you get it That's the conversation you wanted to have? Maybe. You'll never know. Yeah, I don't know. I'll never tell. Fuck your 4D chess, Scott. Get out of here. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the 4D chess. Just play regular chess. I'll never tell.

I'll never tell. Fuck you. God damn it. This is so stupid. Isn't 4D chess just regular chess played through time? Isn't all chess 4D chess? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Stop playing any games.

Don't play 3D, 4D, Tiddlywinks, Connect Four. Whatever game you're playing is just terrible. This is terrible what you're doing. Stop being so smug about it. We'll just wait till I lay into the Italians, Vito. No, you leave the Italians out of this. I don't want any of your hate speech touching my pizza loving brothers. You stop this.

Stop it. Christopher Columbus, they'll say. Fuck you, Scott, you bastard. Have you seen my ex-wife? No, she left you because you found out you're fucking insane. That's probably why your stepson killed himself. Oh, I'm glad about that. I know she found out you're fucking insane. That's probably why your stepson killed himself. Oh, I'm glad about that. I know you are because you're a psychopath.

Because some people can't be fixed. Yeah, I know, Scott. I heard it all before. I tried to jigsaw him and cure him of his addiction. I put him in a room full of Dilberts. Scott, will you just go meet one black person and talk to him?

Oh! What do you want Vito do you want me to ask them a question shut up god damn it no 4d jokes everyone that's a 4d put that in your next comic strip whatever comes after your failed Dilbert shenanigans. This is ridiculous. Scott, you piece of shit. I'm making a new comic. I don't want to know, but what is it? You almost asked! You almost asked me, though! I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.

What's the new comic? Dilberthany? Dilberthany. Dilberthany. Yeah. Where does he live? Oh! What part of town does Dilberthany. Dilberthany. Yeah. Yeah. Where does he live? What part of town does Dilberthany hail from? You don't want to know, Vito. Yeah.

You don't even want to hear about it. No, I really don't. I really don't. And his friend is Enbert. All right, Scott. Get out of here, you fucking psychopath. Jesus Christ. Scott Adams solving race relations in America by starting conversations.

The most important thing in the world. Mike Hunt for two. Remember Mission Hill? That was a good show. I did like that show. Yeah, it was okay. I saw a little piece of trivia from the creator. Same guy who worked on the Simpsons

Forever Bill Oakley or whatever it was I never really got that show Like was the kid Did the parents kick him out Or Why was he living With his brother

I think he was Starting college In Boston Oh He was in college I thought he was like In high school I think he was

Finishing high school I don't know i really wanted someone to go like oh this kid is like 17 or 19 because it mattered a lot of those episodes i don't know i forget if he was in high school and i think he was in high school actually so i don't know i think maybe he just wanted to go to school in the city he probably got accepted to one of those like charter schools i don't like when Shows are named after Like a specific Geological Like Like place

That everyone knows And it's so cool Oh look It's the valley It's the OC It's Mission Hill Well that was the Interesting thing I learned

Was originally the show Was gonna be called The Downtowners Okay But then MTV Had that cartoon Do you remember Downtown?

Was that on BET? Scott, get out of here! No, it wasn't on BET. Fucking asshole. You know, you'd even go downtown, Scott. When it was on BET, it started about, oh, 9-10, 9-15. Alright, Scott, you piece of shit.

No, I don't remember that. Anyway, because of Downtown, they had to rename the Downtowners to Mission Hill. Cara puts $5 in there. Hey, because of downtown, they had to rename the downtowners to Mission Hill. Cara puts $5 in there. Hey, Cara. The moderator of the stars. Horny for serotonin at 10. Vito, what's going on with your face this episode?

You look different. Yes. And I see you tried to sneak a TBF in there. I could not find my normal glasses, and I have these stupid glasses I bought as a joke for doing dumb characters. But I can't see, I can't find my... You think doing dumb characters is like good comedy?

Yeah. I like characters. What the fuck is that? What's that judgment? I'm just doing those dumb, Scott. P90X plus DVD rip Hindi subs English for five Vito I think you need a toupee

Just to make your hat fit better You might be right Jack Rockstar for $4.99 Vito is literally describing the Our cry guys planned utopia And it's just as pathetic When he describes a place When guys can cry and play ping pong

You don't have to cry I just want like a meeting place for guys To you know get out there And girls can come too I think we're talking about my church ping pong. You don't have to cry. I just want like a meeting place for guys to, you know, get out there and girls can come to, I think we're talking about my church. Are they going to play ping pong there? What happens if a guy,

if a guy cries there, is he kicked out? No, he's not kicked out. Is he told to go in the closet or something or the bathroom? No, we go, Hey man,

we got Mario cart. It's eight players. He's like, my wife fucked eight guys named Mario. bathroom? No, we go, hey man, we got Mario Kart. It's eight players. He's like, my wife fucked eight guys named Mario. We won't play as Mario. We'll just have Yoshi's to make you feel better, buddy.

Yeah. Yeah, game church. She ate everything too, just like Yoshi. Can't fix all problems, but community would help him through his affliction. I just think you could open a game store and call it a church. Nobody can stop you. Mike Hunt for five. The biggest problem in the universe Can't fix all problems, but community would help him through his affliction. I just think you could open a game store and call it a church. Nobody can stop you.

Mike Hunt for five. The biggest problem in the universe is bathrooms that don't have the light and exhaust fan on separate switches. That's a good one. Yeah. So you're wasting the light bulb just to air out your poo stink. Warren for two. The term for homeless people is no homos. No homos.

Because they got no homes. That's pretty good. Riley editors for two, send the homeless to Ukraine instead of tax dollars. Yeah. I'm sure that'll help. Mike Hunt for 10. What? It's cheaper. Yeah. Mike Hunt says modern games suck. Why play Harry Potter? And when we have rage shadow legends, the biggest mobile RPG, almost 10 million users have joined raidid. Don't read a Raid ad. Raid has almost a perfect score. They tried to hit me with a TBF. You're right.

I got to get paid to do those Raid ads. Don't play Raid until they give us money. Bobster. Uninstall Raid. Uninstall Raid. Everyone uninstall Raid and tell them why because you're not giving us money. Exactly. I'll do a five.

I've done Raid ad reads. New boss, the Hydra with four different heads. You're fucking doing it again. And it's terrible unless they support the show. Bobster for nine 99 USB cables are the same as any other tech product. If you don't buy the more expensive version from a well-known brand, you have TBF and not be upset when it stops working or ruins your battery. David Gomez. Thank you. Bob Street tried to get me Bob's a Bob's edited stuff He's a good guy

Oh He's one of my bros I think he just got married Big mistake Yeah Big mistake Dumb Your life was fine before that

Congratulations Bob You did good No reason to do it Whatever David Gomez for five My house backs up to train tracks And it's hard to plow the wife. 32C.

Fit 130 pounds with our dogs barking every half an hour. Soylent Green the homeless. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wait, it backs up to train tracks. You're saying you're in an area with a bunch of homeless? Like hobos. Yeah.

Dogs barking at them. Watch the videos of them stealing Amazon packages off the back of the trains now. Yeah. It's pretty funny. David Gomez for five. Also, I got screamed at by a homeless yesterday with a sign about peace and love because I looked at him and continued to ignore him at a stoplight. Well, you gotta really engage with these people.

So, Ho God's for five. What's your favorite card in Star Realms, Vito? I find Stealth Needle and Cutter. Both TBF strong cards. Good try. That was a very good try because you roughly got you talking about your own thing. I mean, Cutter is clearly the best

opening buy if you got $2. Pop quiz for 20 gives us a sticker of a bird with a magnifying glass next to a brick wall. Cool. Or whatever the fuck that is. Thank you for the 20 pop quiz. Riley, other words for five. Vito, don't lose weight. You're starting to sound like Maddox. You don't need to look like him too.

Thanks for another great show. You're welcome, Riley. Don't lose weight. Wow. Thanks a lot, Riley. I would go through a portal but never teleport. Suicide. What's the difference? Spider Eternal for five. Vito is mad that Trump is going to bring us back to the future too. Guys, you Trump is going to bring us back to the future too

Guys you're not going to get me this episode To BF Biden can't run trains A 200 year old tech Maddox would vote for flying cars Carafro for 20 says Dick how was Vegas we haven't heard much from anyone who was there It was exhausting

I woke up and started drinking and doing drugs Every day like 10. Rikada hasn't even posted. I guess there's going to be a video of the event. Oh, yeah. The event was fun. Yeah. I was hammered by it.

Afterwards, I just went to sleep. They were going out, and I was like, I can't. How many people do you think were at Rikada's thing? Probably like 200. That's pretty good. Yeah. Well, hopefully we beat that in Philly. We got two shows.

Yeah, it's past. Live.dick.show for Philly tickets. Tickets are still available. Yeah. Get them because they're selling out. JJ for five. This is the money that Boogie doesn't have to put towards curing his cancer or a flying car. Oh, can you imagine if they got that fuck up in a flying car?

Tilting down on one side. I think Boogie's doing a little better. He sounds less suicidal these days. But that's the best thing he could do. Stop it. Stop it. Evan G from Five, I have to agree with the guy who called in to TDS.

Dick gets off on being a contrarian to popular opinion because he thinks it makes him sound smart. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. So smart. Well, Mike Hunt for five. I figured out your protein shake problem. Put the water in the glass before the protein, then stir it.

I already tried that. It doesn't work. Get the shaky bottle. Cougar Hughes for five. Anchoring effect part two next week. These problems didn't come close. I'll bring in more anchoring effect problems. I'll tell you what.

Mike Hunt for five. I see Dick dancing, Giff. You had no silly pants skating routine. You promised it over five years ago. Yeah, but five. I see Dick dancing, Giff. You had no silly pants skating routine. You promised it over five years ago. Yeah, but my Patreon went down under 20,000, so I don't have to do it. Yeah, I was going to do it. Evan G for two says, wait, Vito doesn't get

half the Patreon for this. No, I do. I just want an additional half. I want three quarters. Clark Azores for ten. Blender balls still leave clumps and even get caught in the ball, which is even harder to clean. Also, if you don't clean protein instantly, your cup will smell of protein forever. You've got TBF to dick. I know.

I know what happens to the protein. Every one of these guys talks about cleaning. They're like, oh yeah. And then you just go into the dishwasher and wash it out and clean the ball out with a brush and then put it in the fucking dishwasher. Like, I don't do any of that. I'm just done. Don't they leave it out?

Don't they make ready-made ones? I still think that is your solution. It's more expensive to buy ready-made protein drinks than just a giant jug of mix. The jug's like 80 bucks. How much do you spend on liquor every fucking week? Yeah, but I need that. Protein's just good for you. Fair enough.

Alex for 10. USB 1.0 is original rectangle. USB 2.0 and 3.0 are faster plus variants you're talking about. So USB 2.0 is a is square with, okay. You're trying to do another two. Look, that is a clever one. USB 2.0 fair. That's not the same 2.0 when you said it, yeah. You had to get rid of the O. Yeah, right. A hundred bucks? Oh, my God.

Well, we got to go in order. Warren for two. Get Nate Higgins on the show. Is that actually his name? I don't know. N Higgins? It sounds like a thing. Send assist for $4.99.

Vito, why did you delete your peek of me tweet? I thought you were correct, and it could have been an example of the problem with women's tears. I deleted that tweet because all the anime kids started quote-tweeting it and calling me an F-sler and I was like, well, I don't want to deal with this. Carrefour for 5. Please share Dick's P.O. Box. How do people find your P.O. Box? It's dick.show slash who. It's on there. And then you

can send in your toupees. Fadix for 2. Agreed. You could definitely do better Vito. Shame. Better than what? KingN64 for five. Did someone send you a guy a video of wings calling Vito ugly yet? Yeah, they did, but he wasn't really doing it that hard. He was just saying, like, I look better than that guy.

Wait, why? Did somebody say I look like Wings of Redemption? Yeah. He's like, I look better than that. Who looks better, me or Wings of Redemption? He said that he looked better than me. I think I look better than that guy. Well, obviously.

God damn it. I hope I do. Plumbo for five. Dicks are not the same as popsicles. Basically the same thing. Andrew Aimee. Wow. With 100 American dollars on the board.

We got to make a leaderboard. Oh, okay. I think Andrew make a leaderboard. Okay. I think Andrew's at the top of it. After listening to all of this podcast and the original biggest problem, this is the far superior version by a landslide. The reboot is actually funny compared to the original. Yeah, that's true. Hey, Andrew.

Thanks, Andrew. One thing you got to do when you're determining the two shows, you gotta be fair. And admit that this is the superior show. There you go. He got it for donating a hundred bucks. All you idiots trying to sneak it in there. Yeah, you could just give a hundred bucks.

You could just give a hundred bucks and there you go. There you go. Well, thank you so much. I love this show and we're gonna keep it going strong In 2023 Mike Hunt for five Kevin and Mission Hero Was in high school And went to live

With his brother Andy Because his parents Wanted to retire to Florida He thought Andy was cool Oh okay That seemed like the pilot That makes sense Mint Salad is here

Bestest podcast in the universe Thank you for your service Thought your service She says Thought your service Well check out Mint Salad At fansly.com

Slash Tits Mint Salad Mike Hunt for five The guy who did the voice Of the roommate in Mission Hill Also did the voice Of the roommate in

Dick's cartoon The Hard Way Yeah I didn't know that Yeah What's his name Jason something The red haired roommate

In Mission Hill I don't know Fuck I forgot his name DK Deadcat for five How about a super killer Team up with the OG super killer OJ Simpson? Where they both team up to avenge the ultimate cop Christopher Donner.

You have to get... You have to get... We have to get OJ Simpson to plug super killer. Okay, that would be pretty good. We have to get OJ Simpson to tell everyone to read... To go to super killer and support the comic. Oh my fucking god, we have to. That would be pretty good.

We have to. How am I gonna achieve that? Does he do cameos? Maybe. I don't know. He talks about stuff that catches his eye. He talks about that Murtaugh thing. He's like, everyone wants me to comment on this. And I don't know why. He'll say it if it's a joke about getting away with murder.

He does the perfect amount of leaning into it. Okay, everybody He'll say it if it's a joke about getting away with murder He's He won't He does a perfect amount of leaning into it I'm trying to get the campaign up My plan was to get it up April 1st We'll see if I can actually do it But once the campaign is live You can all tweet at OJ Simpson and be like We need you to give your opinion on this comic

You don't think maybe April 2nd is a better day for launching a It doesn't matter Nobody cares The day where everybody's competing to get attention and everyone ever doesn't believe anything that day. Nobody does anything for April 1st anymore. Okay. What's the last

April... What was the last big April 1st thing that you remember? I don't know. Yeah, because nobody cares. I don't remember any of them. It's a fucking waste of everybody's time. Bobster for $4.99. My favorite TBF moment has to be when dick hit everything on the soundboard while veto screamed over it i've been chasing that high ever since oh no okay that was the one time i got truly tbf blasted uh this is uh somebody sent this in

i should have let you open this before the super chats actually why don't you refresh the super chats while i open my gift thanks for the super chats everyone it. Why don't you refresh the super chats while I open my gift? Thanks for the super chats, everyone. This better not be another cheap fucking comedy wig. I don't know. You'll have to see. Oh, this looks like a nice one. It has a card, by the way. He didn't read that.

Fucking no manners. I don't know how this shit works. The trash guys are messing with me. They've now started sending too many bins back, says Captain Blackbeard. It says to pay for veto. I hope this works because I don't know what I'm doing from Ryda. Ah, so you wrote what

the gift is on the card. That's what else? I guess you did it right then. Your fucking backwards way of doing it was right. What was it going to be? Wow. Look at this. This is a real wig right now. Oh, yes.

This is good. Yes. All right, hold on. Go off me for a second because I got to get situated. All right, all right, all right. I want the reveal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Oh, this is a nice one. Go ahead, put it on. All right. See if there's any more Super Chats. You can read them. It was just that one about... Shut up Hold on

It looks great Does it look great? It looks great already Alright, you gotta show me I think you gotta Now make sure it fits, like, right on your scalp Is it, like, pulled up correctly with your hairline? I think it needs to be tilted back a little bit

Use your selfie cam on your phone. All right, hold on. Where's my phone? So Vito's got a toupee. I don't even know. How would you describe that? It's a... Like a MacGyver?

It's kind of like a MacGyver. All right, here. I'm going to put it up because people can see the back already. Put it up, yeah. It's very... It's kind of mullet-y Where are the sides? I gotta make sure it's on straight

Oh god It's not bad It looks great Wow Yeah Do I tuck behind the ears is the question. It's got like ponytail length back here. Oh, wow. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Like Joe dirt's big's Big brother I'm not gonna lie It's not a bad

It's not a bad look Dick What a show we've had You gotta have a new Kind of character To go with that Like some kind of Truck stop video

We had a good old Biggest problem here tonight How's the hell the show Had a good time Laughing along With all you guys I don't know about this Scott Adams

Keeps talking about all What the black folk are up to. Something about that just jiggers me the wrong way. I said jigger, sir. I did not say. Hey, don't you try to catch me. You said what? Hey, Scott, no. No, Scott.

What did you say? No, Scott. It's not what we're talking about here today. Trying to have a real talk about real Americans. And frankly, frankly, that's Scott Adams. I don't like the way he talks about people. I care about people. You care about Americans?

Hey, all I know is if you can eat a plate of pork ribs and you're my homeboy. That's all I know. Homeboy, home, home sis. What is it? Yeah. Whatever you want to be. Is it like a melting pot? Are you like one of those liberal, tough, conservative guys that they have on TV?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, a lot of people have been saying Biden's been doing wrong, but a lot of my boys down at the sawmills, they're happy to be getting a pension plan and getting a health insurance. What do they think about Ukraine? Well, you know, those boys in Ukraine are fighting for their lives. Freedoms and stuff. They're fighting for their freedom. What's more American than freedom?

Yeah. Those are really American boys in spirit, and we've got to support them. That's true. Whatever amount of money we can send there, frankly, I think we can spare it. I think we can spare it. I think America, we're a land of plenty. We can help our boys and bros. What do you think about drag shows and kids and stuff? Well, you know,

I don't, you know, seeing a man dress up in a frilly dress, I don't know. I don't necessarily It ain't for me. It ain't for me, but the thing about America is you know, it's all about freedom. So if that's what you want to do and you want to bring your child there and have a trans lady shake her tit-a-mids in his mouth, I can't tell you not to, you know? What can I say? That makes sense.

What do you think about Jeffrey Epstein? Mr. Epstein clearly. You think he killed himself? I can't, you know, I can't seek to comment on, you know, what might happen. There's a lot of dirty dealings in the world, but ultimately a bad man was brought down by the system and just tells you that the Justice Department is doing what they can. Oh, yeah. And they care about Americans and our freedoms.

That makes sense, too. Yeah. What do you think about... Yeah, all right. Can't go up from Epstein. How many more questions do I have to answer as this silly royal character? I don't know.

There's everybody. Oh, there are our top guys. We'll have a new round coming around, but thank you. Get on the board now by signing up at patreon.com slash biggest problem as well as backed.by slash biggest problem. Next week I think

we'll have a new bonus episode coming to you. So sign up now. Is it Women's History Month? I don't know what it is. Please give us your suggestions in the comments. What would be a good theme for our next bonus episode? Okay. Thanks for coming by. Thanks for the wig, RyeDog. Thanks to everybody who contributed to

Super Chats. And tell your friends about this show. That's a great wig. It's pretty good. I'm going to wear this all the time. All right. Bye, everyone. Goodbye.