The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 82

Episode Date: March 18, 2023

Washing Your Hands With Long Sleeves, Reparation Retardation, Free Market Haters, Not Drinking on St. Patrick's Day  

We're gonna have to move the show pretty soon. Why I'll tell talk about what do you mean just kidding? Cuz Mike it's interfering with my quest for magic cards We have to go live on that Oh my heavens I'm just fucking with you Oh my heavens I know you're not fucking with me I know you're at least Partially serious

Are we live now? Do I have to actually click the fucking button to go live? I don't Let's see here Connect the streaming streamer-y-do. Connect the streamer pants. You got the current stream key, right? Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I got something. I put it in a box. I don't know if it's all real. Okay, I think... I don't know if it's all legit that I did. It's St. Patrick's Day after all. Stop reminding me. St....

Oh, you don't like the Irish because you're so Italian? They're like your mortal enemies What are the mortal enemies Of Italian people Irish Women I know you hate women

The Irish and the Italians Don't hate each other We identify The Irish You're the same You're the guys That are like brothers There's a lot of Irish

Italian families You know Like what All the immigrants Would get together And make little babies Ew Babies Yeah So go ahead All the immigrants would get together and make little babies. Ew.

Babies? Yeah. So go ahead and tell the class. Tell the class what you were just telling me, Mr. Juswaldi. I think we're going to have to move the show because pressing concerns have come up. I don't think we can do it on Fridays anymore. And why is that? What's the most pressing thing that's come up? Well, the Wizards of the Coast company has been issuing limited edition promo cards

that are only available playing at their Friday tournaments. And clearly... I'm going to fucking lose my mind, man. How could you support this fucking company after they blacked Aragorn? Aragon, whatever his name is. But then they go, okay, but here's a limited edition. They blacked Aragon and they Chinese Galadriel. Yeah, but they go, here's a limited edition T blacked Aragorn And they Chinese Galadriel Yeah But they go

Here's a limited edition Tarmogoy If you can only win it At this Friday tournament Tarmogoy? Tarmogoyf Tarmacoyf? One of the many goyfs In the

Stop supporting this shit Magic universe They would fuck you They would black you Hasbro would black you In a second If they could They would replace you

I've seen the people Who work at Wizards of the Coast They're all all pink haired Social justice people Blacky Armas They hate me And people like me Yeah

Then they release These limited edition Like Glenalendra Archmage In the retro frame treatment Oh no That I have to play In this Friday tournament Or I cannot obtain one

So you have to go play In this dumb magic tournament On Friday night So you can't do the show On Fridays anymore Because you have to go play in this dumb magic tournament on Friday night So you can't do the show on Fridays anymore Because you have to go play magic to get worthless cards And your problem in the Mario episode was what? Which one?

What one could possibly relate to a never-ending quest of acquiring worthless items Driven by a compulsion to do so The coin one? Yeah, the coin one You don't see that as the same? I just Just trash all that stuff I just really want a retro frame

Glendalender Archmage I mean, what is wrong with that? We can't move the whole show They're reprinting Tarmogoyf In the future site frame, Dick In foil treatment In Japanese And it's gonna be Japanese language

I might start a magic card channel. I might quit making, you know what, I'm going to quit this show. I'm going to quit my YouTube channel. Just bust packs open. And I'm just going to make Magic the Island content. Because it's the only thing that brings me any amount of happiness anymore. Me and Adam22 are going to do busting packs and busting nuts. It's a porno channel where we open packs of magic cards while

we're banging chicks. And then we gotta go, I'm gonna squirt! I'd enjoy that. And then we bust open, we come and bust the pack open and spray the cards and cum everywhere. What do you think about that? I think that's great. Do you think we're demonetized now? Is that in the rules for YouTube? In the first

30 seconds? Busting inside of women in the first 30 seconds? And it inside of women in the first 30 seconds? And it's not gay because we're doing two girls. It's just two guys being naked banging girls. Dick, the point is that I've realized this world has literally nothing left to offer me. And the only thing I find any enjoyment from is sorting my magic card collection.

So I have to ruin that. They're turning... They're giving the kids cartoons now dick this cartoon broke you this cartoon really broke me buffalo he's fred you don't even know the name of the fucking and he's a bison he's not a buffalo what's the difference fred the non-binary bison. This is the most greatest piece of art. This is better than the Sistine Chapel. This is better than our mutt. This is better than the impermanence of shark thing, whatever.

This is better than anything Picasso ever did. This is the greatest piece of art ever made. I mean that seriously. Ridley Jones, the transgender. How do I fucking play it? Go to my Twitter. I was on my Twitter at one point. Oh, it's on your Twitter? Because you're obsessed with this shit.

I'm not obsessed. The problem is they make you obsessed. Okay, so let me put on my Vito Twitter browsing music. Oh my god. Vito's Twitter. Vito being Vito on Twitter. Where is it? Click the media tab and you'll find it quicker. Vito's Twitter.

I'm not with hot girls. Vito's Twitter. Vito being Vito on Twitter. Okay, wait a minute. This also annoyed me on Vito's Twitter. Why? Look at this shit. This you post. Working at gamestop i used to hoard all the weird pre-order bonuses for instance this cute little plush pig from monster hunter on psp so you would fucking hoard all these cool

and cute toys so the fans of the game would come in and have zero chance of getting like this is something that a kid would want it's a cute little pig with a shirt you have no like it's just like it's so nihilistic to take this from a kid to just hoard it like a

fucking dragon dude do you not see that look as I explained if people pre-ordered the game, we would give them the little toy. We didn't, like, take extras. It was like if it was sitting in the bin for months and nobody had, like, claimed it, then I would take it. That's not what you said in this tweet, though.

Okay, but, like, I wasn't gonna steal. I can't think of anything. You said you'd hoard it and obviously buy it for yourself. You'd hoard all these fucking things so no one could get anything good. No, they were all just sitting around. Nobody wanted them anyway. Everyone wants that little pig.

Look at it. It's adorable. It was adorable. Keep in mind, I was like 16 at the time. I was a child myself, stealing toys for myself. You're not a fucking child. You're saying you don't think a 16-year-old girl could be hot? A little kid was not going to play Monster Hunter anyway.

I'm not going to be called a pedophile for thinking a 16 year old could oh my god where is it dude it's you fighting with this guy i think it's after i fight with this guy you said you hated andor and then he called you i don't want to talk about any of this bullshit it's past that i'm pretty sure wait before before thought it was after. I tweet a lot of things. Yeah, come on, man. You got to give me something better than that. Fred the Bison. Yeah, somebody old.

Fred Bison. All right, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. This is the cartoon that has broken me forever. That's why it's such a, that's what makes this piece so interesting. Is that if this shows you what your liberalness has finally led to

and it's a life of evil this video showed you that you are in fact the bad guy I have no I have nothing I have no defense anymore because it's always and it's always like yeah no matter what you did

somehow it led to a children's cartoon about a non binarybinary bison like the highlander i'm absorbing all your power okay you guys did your own shit too so it's not you guys y'all the right if we let you guys make cartoons they would all who is my guys that you're referencing the january 6th defendants those aren't my guys all right here we go uh this is a little this is a little my guys. Alright, here we go. This is a little cartoon for little children. Here we go.

I need to tell you. Really? But it's time to start. I know. I don't want the recorded with somebody's fucking cell phone. That one right up there was probably I think this one is good. No, it's not. I think it has good audio there. Alright. It's in fucking French, bro. Come on, God, you fucking

assholes. Okay, here we go. Well, my heart says that the way I feel most myself is to go by the name Fred. That's because I'm non-binary and Fred's the name that fits me best. And I also use they and them because

calling me a she or a he doesn't feel right to me. Oh. I didn't know that. I'm glad you can crack jokes about this. No wonder you've been struggling lately, she says. No wonder you've been struggling lately.

Thank you for showing me your heart. Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! You know that from Major Kong riding that bomb Right into the heart of liberals Major Kong Major Kong where'd it go I don't want to call this grooming Woohoo! Major Kong. Major Kong. Where'd it go? Woohoo! Woohoo!

No, I don't want to call this grooming. Woohoo! But I can understand. Vito. Vito, this is Sergeant Slaughter here. Are you a Fred or are you not a Fred, Vito? We only have, we can have G.I. Joes and G.I. Freds in this army, Vito.

Drop and give me 20 mastectomies, Vito. Get down there, Vito. I bet you thought you were, I bet you thought you could liberal your way into being a hero, didn't you, Vito? Well, that's not what it takes, Vito. I'm on the side of the bad people.

Vito, you're on the side of Cobra, Vito. I'm on the side of the bad people. Vito, you're on the side of Cobra, Vito. I'm on the side of Cobra. You know what Cobra does to kids. I'm working with Cobra the whole time. That's it. Drop it, give me 20 right now, Vito. We're poisoning. We're poisoning a generation. It's not poison. With complete nonsense.

Joe's gotta feel comfortable all the time. Whatever they've got below the waist. You've gotta have a comfortable Joe, Vito. This is what children should be talking about. This is the lessons that children should be learning. Is what fucking stupid pronouns their cartoon bison toy is. Where do you think you started? Where did you think that the fuck up started?

I don't... Where was it? Was it free healthcare? Is that where you Where was it? Was it free health care? Is that where you guys went wrong? That was probably before that. Was it giving women the right to vote? I think we got cocky. I think the liberals got cocky, and they also got scared.

Scared of what? Wieners? Of black people and gay people and not giving them every single thing they asked for. You know, there's plenty in America. There's plenty to go around, Vito. If black people or gay people want anything, I want you to drop and give me 20. Drop and give me 20, Vito. We got to this point where if a minority said they wanted something.

That's right. Good start. We just gave it to them. Sound off. Sound off like you got a pair. We never stopped to say, well, maybe you don't need that, or maybe that's not actually good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's wrong, Vito. They get whatever they want, Vito. Whatever they want. I flew here in a jet to train you for America. Are you trans now, Sergeant Slaughter? That's. Are you trans now, Sergeant Slaughter? That's none of your business, and yes.

Call me Sergeant Fred Slaughter. Sergeant Slotina. I'm a Fred. Are you a Fred through and through? And I'm non-binary, Vito. Neither male nor female, just Fred. Drop and give me 20 genders right now, Vito. Let's go.

Zim. Zir. Zim. Zer. Zee. Zai. She. She. Shim. Shazmataz.

I remember the DuckTales would like find treasure, like Alvin and the Chipmunks had to get to the big show. The greatest treasure of all is finding your true self, Vito, and coming out to your grandma, Vito. The greatest treasure on earth is having your grandma respect your gender pronouns, Vito. That's true. I guess... Now drop and give me 20. Drop and give me 20 reasons why we should have reparations

for black people, Vito. Drop right now. Max talks about cutting off his genitalia to become his truest self. I forgot about that one. Vito, drop and give me 20 reasons why the J6 people deserve to go to prison for four years. Right now, Vito. All right. Vito, drop and give me 20 reasons why we should be four years. Right now, Vito. All right. Vito, drop and give me 20 reasons why we should be in Ukraine. Tina, come on.

This is too much now. Sergeant Fred Slaughter. Let's go, Vito. Sergeant Fred Slaughter. I'm not giving you 20 anything. I just want off this rug. Drop and give me 20 bucks. Zelitsky needs.

You all know. Zelitsky needs some candy. Don't bring Ukraine into this. Zelitsky needs some candy, Vito. Zelitsky needs some action figures, Vito. Not you. He needs some magic cards. There's a sliver deck. A commander sliver deck coming out. Zalinski needs

that sliver deck, Vito. So drop and give me 20 bucks. This is the darkest timeline. Can children's entertainment just be fun? Does it have to teach an insane liberal lesson based on no science or reason whatsoever. Vito, give me 20 reasons why we should trust the science.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Move it. Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. Smash. Coronavirus. Vaccinations.

Let's hear it. Let's hear it, Vito. You guys win. You guys win. I give up. I lose. There's no winning anymore, Vito. There's no winning.

There's just dropping and giving me 20 jobs that a woman could do better than a man, Vito. 20 reasons why a woman president would be better than a man, Vito. Let's make a cartoon about the gender pay gap. Let's make a cartoon about the dis- I mean, did you see the Proud family

talking about why reparations are necessary? I, this is, I give up. I give up. I give up. Give me 20 more reasons why a white man should give up, Vito. I need them right now. I want you to. Here's a shovel.

You dig your own grave, Vito. I wish I could because I want to be in a grave. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Like, it's funny, but also I'm done. Those sound like cobra words Vito as long as you're moving there's still stuff for you to give G.I. Janes and all the transformers and all the squeeze the blood out of you non-binary ducks and whatever the fuck else do you even know What it's like To be a trans Black lesbian

In Hollywood I hope the rugrats Discover their true genders Let's do that next Let's You know Bring back the All real monsters

Deal pickles The real monster Was transphobia all along Deal pickles Wants to be known as Pussy pickles now Vito I bet that surprises you I bet you're giggling

Like a little girl Drop and give me 20 reasons Why deal pickles Should be called pussy pickles. I'm just really, I don't know how to process any of this. And stew pickles has to come to terms with that veto. The grandpa's dead. He died of COVID because you're too selfish to wear a mask.

I'm glad that you're able to comedian your way through this situation, you know? What situation? I'm glad that you're still able to laugh at the madness. I'm just broken. I just look at the next generation of kids and

all they're talking about is their neuro divergence and what gender they are each day and I go I don't want to be on a planet with these people and the people who are creating these people Monday, Slamasexual Tuesday, Dreamkin Thursday, Man But A Black One

Friday When are we going to have our first Saturday Jamie Lee Curtis' daughter How many years are we away? The most beautiful woman in the world. I want to drag Jamie Lee Curtis' daughter.

And Dylan, and Sunday, my gender is Dylan Mulvaney on Price is Right. What do you think of that, Vito? Are you going to buy her him chocolate? Are you going to join the proud men and shims and shams of the GI Joes? I just want to go back to when this was all so much simpler. Oh, you want to go back to 2005 with the rest of the turfs. Is that right, Vito? Yeah, I do.

I really do. I was much happier there. Exactly. I liked in 2005. I knew that I was a nice, good, progressive person. I bet when you think of a woman, you imagine an independent lawyer or something like that. And not, and not a fat man in diapers. Drawing furry porn, you bigot.

Yeah, that's, yeah. I don't know what's. I've got news for you, Vito. Times are a changing. Times are a changing. And it's up to a Joe to stay, it's up to a GI friend to stay tough. Okay, Sergeant Slaughter. Thank you. Drop and give me 20 of your favorite quotes

about trans, about trans, give me 20 reasons why trans people deserve to exist, Vito. Drop and give me 20. Did you like the 20 bit that was drop and give me 20 and then it was like a liberal thing? Yeah, I got it. Thank you. It fucking didn't start right again.

It's fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. We're all, it doesn't matter. Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from first trapping to post purchase tracking i'm your host dick masterson joining me as always you know just waldi's normal today everything is fucking great all my

every child's cartoon character is gay and the world is a rainbow that I will never be able to slide into a grave. You voted for it. I did vote for it. Enjoy it. You made it. Enjoy it. Roll around in it. It was going to happen regardless of me. I take no responsibility for this. Leave me alone. The world continues

to become a never-ending clown show and Someone needs to turn the music up louder to drown out the sound my heart Boy so sad I bet you thought you're gonna improve the world and here you are ruining. There's no way to improve the world We're just fucked Hey Winners drink is now an app on the Android store. Happy st. Patrick's Day We're just fucked Um Hey Uh Winner's Drink Is now an app

On the Android store Happy St. Patrick's Day So if you have an Android Go to Oh shit I should have put up A domain for it Go search for

Winner's Drink On the Android store Can't you get a dot app now Isn't that a thing I don't know Whoops I messed it up Whoops

Alright Uh We also had On the Android app store Winner's Drink Is that with an apostrophe? Oh, shit. I don't know.

The first printing I messed up. I know you did. Just go search for it. You'll find it. If you don't get it right, put in the fuck it. Spell it the other way. You'll find it. We also got 11,000 views on the last video, which I think is the first time we naturally

crossed over 10,000. Because the channel's growing. It's good. Must have done something wrong. crossed over 10. Because the channel's growing. It's good. Must have done something wrong. Oh, boy. Must have done something different. You know, at least you're not having Adam 22's problems. No, you know why we got the boost?

It's because we were on No Jumper. So people showed up. Tell everybody what happened with the Scott Adams thumbnail. Oh, so we went on No Jumper. And part of the discussion was to talk about Scott Adams. Look up No Jumper clips on YouTube. Okay. And the thumbnail, unfortunately, just says,

Adam 22 talks about Scott Adams saying black people are a hate group. Yeah. And then me and Destiny are in the thumbnail. So everyone, because the audience doesn't know who Scott Adams is, they think that me and Destiny are saying that black people are a hate group? Where is it?

Where is it? Two days ago. It would have been a couple days ago. Search for Scott Adams. You'll find it. And so all the comments are just saying, why did Adam 22

bring on all these bigots to talk about? Yeah, there you go. Scott Adams calls black people a hate group. But they think I'm Scott Adams because I'm the only

guy in the thumbnail. So it just says Scott Adams calls black people a hate group and they think that I'm Scott Adams and all the comments are black guys going

fuck this fat Nazi. I hope he kills himself. You got done dirtier i got done pretty dirty you got done dirty they didn't specify veto talks about scott adams this is scott adams not pictured yeah well there's a little there's a little head of his at the bottom but like you can barely see it it's like like I instantly go to the big fat guy. So it looks like Vito is calling black people a hate group and literally like

nobody watched the video every time. If you look at the top comments, click on it real quick. It's just like, why is Adam 22 bringing on these Nazis? Scroll down a little bit. I should have worn longer socks. Look, you can see my leg. I should have worn sweatpants So what are you gonna do?

Do you have any stains on your sweats? Probably Adam used our culture for a platform And now he's showing his true colors Adam bringing on his people Adam is just showing y'all what he actually thinks Neo-Nazi arc Read that one

Adam is entering his Neo-Nazi arc He went from looking like a neo-nazi To hanging with them And we were all Very much We were all making fun of Anti-Scott Adams We were all making fun of

What Scott Adams said I don't want you to Wee me into some kind of a jackpot Here So yeah Plenty of comments saying that I don't want you to Wee me Into some kind of A jackpot here Shut up Wee me So yeah Plenty of comments Saying that

Why is Adam Hanging out with These Nazis Like Vito That horrible bastard That being said We did have a ton of fun On No Jumper

That episode is now Available On the No Jumper Site On YouTube And if Adam has us in Any other time When he's getting

Surprised by a Pedophile hunter Adam put me in I will knock their ass out In the studio I will take that menorah And shove it up that guy's ass A pedo hunter did confront Adam 22 And that is the current no jumper drama Which we do not support

Pedophiles? Or pedophile hunting I don't know I don't support going into a guy's podcast And then saying he Bringing up weird texts From like 20 years ago I don't know what happened

Guy's got a He said the girl was 19 I don't know the specifics of it Just that it happened And that it's a curse that follows me around Yeah If I'm on your show, it's probably going to. But if you want what is essentially a beautiful bonus episode of this show featuring Adam

22 and Destiny, go to No Jumper on YouTube and check it out and leave a comment. Let them know you want to see us back on No Jumper. Yeah. Say, I can't get enough of these guys. I can't get enough of these neo-Nazis. I can't get enough of these guys. I can't get enough of these neon Nazis. I can't get enough of these white boys. They really denied your Hispanic heritage. Can you check the chat and make sure the audio is working, by the way?

I just want to make sure it's not one of those shows. I did it a little bit. I fucking clicked it a little bit. These guys. See, I did that at the beginning. No, no, no. I'm very paranoid. All right.

Should I also bring up one other thing from my Twitter? Well, not my Twitter. Okay. All you brought it up is that we have our first ever celebrity. What is the biggest problem in the universe? Oh, yeah. Okay. Where I have found, let me set this up.

There are these guys who have a YouTube channel. They have like less than 2,000 followers. I think they're the same kids who killed Tom Sizemore with meth. Oh, that was funny. Yeah. They're doing more stuff? Yeah. Well, they also, they just torment Andy Dick by trapping him on their yacht and forcing

him to live stream. They have a yacht? Yeah. Well, not a yacht. It's like a boat. Killing Tom Sons. I guarantee you, if you if we like wanted to hang out with these guys, they're like desperate because this was the worst stream ever. And they're talking about, we can't even take donations.

Why are we even fucking streaming this shit or whatever? Huh? And anyway, so I met, I sent a bunch of our guys over there because nobody was watching the stream and had like five people watching. So I sent a bunch of Biggs Prom guys over there. We were just spamming the chat. Cool. Saying, ask Andy, what is the biggest problem in the universe?

And this is what he said. And he finally answered the question. All right, let's hear it. This is a serious question. Oh, God. What is the biggest problem in the universe? I'm looking at him. In the universe.

Misunderstanding and disconnection. Let me think. Think about it. Don't just answer right away. That's a loaded question because you're basically saying the universe has a problem which I don't agree with.

Okay, well. I can always watch your question because I don't agree. Why Okay, well. I can always watch your question because I don't agree. Why are you doing all those drugs then? How about that for the fucking question then, Mr. fucking improv comedian? Hey, buddy, you're a funny guy. What do you think the biggest problem in the universe is? Well, I mean, that's a loaded question.

Andy Dick. Hold on, let me do more of this. Let me do more of these drugs. Actually, I don't think There are any problems Yeah Except this drink being low Wow Hilarious streams

From the great Andy Dick If you want more of that I don't even remember The name of the fucking channel What about that time You were climbing out Of an RV window To get away from

Someone who was Going to rape you Yeah well that's the other thing He currently has like Two rape charges We have talked about Getting Andy Dick To come on this show Which honestly I almost don't want him in my house i'm like worried

he would like break something or commit a crime because he's fucking nuts yeah but i don't know maybe if he had like a handler or if we had a you need a security guard like a security guard 22 has Need a big guy To spook him To what him? Spook him Regardless Our first ever celebrity answer What is the biggest problem In the universe? The answer is

That's a loaded question man Thanks Andy So what I'd like to remind You guys out there If you're watching a stream Or you're on the street And you see someone famous Or semi-famous If you're at a convention maybe, go to a convention booth, just take out your phone and go, hey, real quick, what is the biggest problem in the universe?

Yeah. I'm going to put out a bounty. Anyone who gets us a clip of somebody who's interesting, I'll give you 50 bucks. And then when they answer, call them a pedophile. $50 bounty. If we played the clip on the show, I will send you 50 bucks if you can get a good celebrity to answer that question. Okay.

Are you ready for the... Yes. Post-purchase surveys won last week. It's not a bad one. Thirst Traps was next. Okay. Dick with a twofer. And then somebody else brought in these duds. Demographic dummies. Which is a bad one. Thirst Traps was next. Okay, Dick with a twofer. Somebody else brought in these duds.

Demographic Dummies. Which is a great problem. Demographic Dummies is a fantastic problem. Right-wing alt-tech at the very bottom. People don't like when I shit on the right wing. Yeah, because we see the world you made with these little bisons. Okay, but you guys are just making rumble where you just endlessly complain about, I don't even fucking know.

Fucking, ooh, where are all these liberal women having abortions and shit? It's like both sides want to destroy the world. I just didn't realize how bad both sides would get. Like, I knew the left was bad. I knew the right was bad. And you're both going so extreme. We didn't do that.

Okay, yes, you're not making things. We didn't do Ukraine. We didn't do all this stuff. No, you're not making things. We didn't do Ukraine. We didn't do all this stuff. No, but you guys did all this QAnon bullshit and the election is stolen. We're going to storm the halls of government. So? See, this is the bullshit is that you guys go, we're not doing anything.

We're not doing anything. You're both fucking insufferable. I'm sick of it. Maybe, but we're not doing anything. Alright. Good. Great. As I was saying, Martin O'Keefe says, uh, expensive figurines and statues of pop culture characters are worthless,

Vito. You like them because you think they have value. You could just 3D print a model of a character and have the same effect as a licensed product. But you know that it has no value, and you can't lie to yourself about that. You've surrounded yourself with worthless plastic.

The only people that think any of that stuff has value are losers. Much love from a pub in Ireland. Wow. St. Patrick's Day, I wanted to respect that. St. Patrick's Day, the Irish are gone. I think I've revealed this on the show. I am part Irish. Oh, wow. I'm Irish-Italian. Okay. I am part Irish. Oh, wow. Irish-Italian.

Okay. And a little German. All right. That's probably why. It's always fascinating when white people tell you about their rich heritage. It's interesting. And a little French as well. A little French too.

Any English? I don't think so. Scandinavian? No. I don't know. My sister did one of those DNA tests. I should ask her for the results. Any black?

Any black in there? I don't think we're blank. Get any black in there, buddy? I should find... I think she was disappointed. I don't think we found nothing interesting. Find a bum to lick the tip with you? Get some in there.

I'll give a bone to the show's conspiracy theorists. I found out I'm 70% Azkenazi Jew. Go tell Kiwi Farms. You did? No! Oh. But that's what they always say on this show That you're Jewish? That I'm a secret crypto Jew

Trying to subvert something What's a crypto Jew? I mean I'm afraid to ask now Because I've heard it so much It's the idea that like You're Like encrypted?

Is it like a No it's like a Jewish guy He's got that big nose And he speaks like It's a Jewish guy who successfully infiltrates and passes as a Gentile in order to subvert society. Oh, that's what crypto means? Yeah, it's like secret Jew. So if you're a crypto-fascist, it means, like, you're just pretending to be into democracy?

Yeah. Oh. I think so. That makes sense to me. Well, I don't care. All these movie stars who changed their name from like Shlimey Steinowitz. That's the fake Jewish name I said on the bonus episode. Well, I stole it.

Shlimey Witz. Shlimewitz. And they changed it to, what do you call it? Dick Van Dyke or whatever it is. I don't actually know what Dick Van Dyke is. Spike McJabs. Clark Gable, I think, was Jewish. Oh, really?

No, I have no idea. Spike McJabs Clark Gable, I think, was Jewish Oh, really? No, I have no idea Hmm Uh, Spike McJabs says Lol Vito lights up as soon as he has pretty hair to play with He looks so damn happy when you had that mullet on I did enjoy having that hair We're gonna go to where? Dubai? We are?

Yeah, for hair transplants No, Turkey Was it Turkey? Yeah I don't care Do you really wanna do that? Yeah, let's do it for the show. I mean, let's.

I'll go. I'm not getting hair transplant. Why not? You could get like some extra. I got fucking hair. Yeah, but you could like push it forward a little bit. I don't want to fuck with what I got here. You get a little extra like hairline.

Like just one line. Apparently, I can go to Dubai or wherever. You think it's Turkey? I don't remember. It's not Dubai. But it's like six grand at the most. Well, let's find the cheapest one. And we could do it for the show.

Like, what if the fans will make a whole episode that Dick and Vito. What if I got it on my biceps and I had like hairy ass biceps. Hairy biceps. Like, bitches don't even fucking know about this. I would document the whole thing. I think it would be hilarious. Oh, it would be hilarious. They have like a nice little luxury resort you stay at where you wait for them to stick

Does that mean you want the show to pay for it? No, I want the fans to pay for it. Or not. I mean, whatever. All right. Whatever. Regardless, if I do it, I will film it and we'll monetize it. You have to finish Super Killer first.

I'm finishing it. It's happening. All right. Britsman says, the automobile in the suburbs are the reason there's no communities in the U.S. It's such a pain in the ass to congregate together. It's much easier to stay atomized in your McMansion. I don't think everyone has a McMansion.

I wish I had a McMansion. Alexander Lufnyov says, lol, I am a mortician. Remember that guy that wrote in? Yes. He was em that wrote in? Yes. He was embalming. Fifth generation. Nice. So five, like my-

Wow, your whole family. My father was a mortician. His father was a mortician. So you're all creeps. And his father and his father before. Also worked as a deputy coroner for a few years. That was rough. Went back to funeral service.

My general life is so insane, and I so commonly see things no human should ever see. Take pictures. Send them to this show. The Overton window in my mind

of what's completely normal is shifted. It takes a tragedy of... Oh, you found it. Thank you. Tragedy of epic proportions anymore to make me cry. And it takes humor

on your guy's level where I never know what's next to make me laugh anymore wow see there's hope after all veto we're helping dancing around mortality with his insane shooting fantasies and wanting to kill himself coupled with your own shows thanks for not killing yourself and both of them being a theater for the insane makes me able to crack a smile in the most insane places that being said if you if you do kill yourself, don't use a gun.

I have to reassemble your skull for your family, and the coroner will not bother to get your brain pieces, so I'll have to use cotton or wire. Well, thank you for listening, and thanks for the tip! If I kill myself, if he says, let's just say,

whatever the cops decide to fill me full of, It's on them It will be death by cop after I I don't know commit a mass shooting Or blow up an orphanage or whatever It'll just be like super killer You'll never get around You'll plan and plan and plan

I picked a perfect school I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna dorner it Dorner fucked up Yeah dorner fucked up I'm gonna not fuck up I'm gonna get the boat Ready to go Um I'm not gonna go To Big Bear Hiding a cabin

Like an idiot What are you Do you have anything For us I have some vetoes Twitter but honestly We've done so much Stuff on Twitter

Well I have an Exciting segment Dick And uh It's called Vote it up Alright Vote it up Vote it up, vote it up. You know it really isn't hard.

Vote it up, vote it up. Stop acting like a retard. You know where to go. Biggest problem dot show. go. Biggest problem died to show. Bo-do-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bo. I fucking hate this stupid song.

All right, I hate it. Vito, drop and give me 20 reasons why that was an empowering lesbian feminist fantasy that's not for the amusement of men, Vito. I really am. Drop and give me 20 more ideas for sequels to Frozen. Drop and give me 20 more ideas for sequels to Frozen. Drop and give me 20 reasons

why the plot to Frozen does not need to make sense for your male sensibilities, Vito, right now! Oh, God. I got like halfway through that stinger

and I went, man, I just hate this fucking song. I got halfway through that movie before I had to cum! It's an empowering lesbian adventure

for four-year-olds. I'm very proud of that. I'm going to suggest to the audience, guys, I'm running dry on stingers. How is that possible? I don't know, because I just don't care anymore. Just search for any song. Do you think hair is going to make you care? I guess the problem is that some of the stingers, I'm like, oh, this is a really good one.

Some of them I'm doing, I'm like, this sucks. It's all just, man just it's all just you pretending to make songs you gotta vote it vote it vote it up the audience can do that as well it's fucking easy I'm saying

vote it up I'm just opening if anyone in the audience feels like they want to try to make a voted up Voted up At the biggest Problem.show I'm opening up If anyone in the audience Feels like they want to Try to make a voted up Stinger Oh okay

I think it could be fun Okay And so You have that option You can head to the discord There's the voted up channel Posted in there Maybe we'll use it on the show

Vote bottom girls Yeah I know There's like a million Let the world go around Sometimes they're good Let me just say this Yeah If you are gonna make A stinger for the show,

do not add your own special variation of the stinger. Record parody lyrics for a song over the song that involves voted up and killing your family. Or something similar. Or something similar. Don't pause it in the middle. Don't do your own song for some fucking reason. Don't put a bunch of airplane and gun noises and say,

I thought it would be funny if it was like Ukraine. Don't do it over a fucking Biden speech. Just do exactly what the fucking parody is. Thank you. In advance. I look forward to seeing if anyone steps up to the task of helping us craft the Voted Up segment, where today we're looking at a problem from just two episodes ago. USB cables, Dick.

Oh, okay. Well, Apple may run afoul of European legislators due to their rumored plans to limit USB-C charging speeds for non-approved cables. According to rumors, only cables which are Apple certified will allow devices to charge at top speeds, while uncertified cables will be recognized by your Apple device and limit your charging

speeds as much as 50%. This is the problem! I just want to be able to buy a cord and know that it works, now I have to get a specific cord for a specific device? This is the problem I just want to be able To buy a cord And know that it works Now I have to get A specific cord For a specific device This is bullshit Yeah

They're still mad That it's happening to you They're mad that Europe Took away the lightning cord Yeah Yeah So they're trying to pull They're trying to pull

These little tricks That's USB cables Voted up folks I wish we could dig up If you had to pick One corpse To dig up And like drag around the

country would it be osama bin laden or steve jobs steve jobs steve jobs yeah that guy man what an asshole i was looking at pictures the new uh the imac pro it's like a like a tube for no reason yeah you buy it's like a tube computer and you lift up the tube and i'm like are you sure you're looking at a regular computer? Yeah, I know It looks like a giant flashlight, but it is actually an iMac Pro apparently Did you describe this to an AI what you're describing? It's a circular computer it looks stupid a circle computer. It's like a big. It's a big cylinder It's a big cylinder beer can yes

It looks like a big beer can like a big black beer actually actually it would be cool Someone skinned their iMac pro monitor and on the circle no no you gotta hook it into a monitor Oh, it's just a circular tower. Yeah the tower. Oh, that's cool, though Sure, I would like that. No if it was shaped like fucking Final Fantasy you would love it They have all these Evangelion computer parts I kind of want to get. They're more expensive than the regular ones, but they got Evangelion. How can you afford your hair? I don't know.

You're not going to be able to afford your hair, Vito. No, the audience will pay for my hair. They love me. Superkiller is going to pay for the hair. All right. I should make a... Anyway. YouTube role models From episode 5

All our favorite kids They love YouTubers Well Lavender Education Is just open enrollment For their new YouTube summer camp For kids aged 7 to 10 A YouTube camp

You'll learn the exciting process Of creating a successful vlog For YouTube Identify your audience Create your brand Brainstorm a your audience, create your brand, brainstorm a creative format, and create your own YouTube videos. Sample topics for these 7- to 10-year-olds

may be Minecraft tutorials, video game walkthroughs. And age of consent. No, no, no. Technology unboxing, product reviews, how-to videos, fashion videos, travel vlogs, lifestyle tips, and so much more. Unfortunately, children in the program will only be allowed to create game walkthroughs for Minecraft and Roblox. And children who wish to make unboxing videos must bring their items from home.

Tampons. Yeah. Check it out. No. Should people be sending their kids to YouTube camp this summer, Dick? Yeah, it's fun It's fun Yeah, I went to like tennis camp and Sailing camp

Did you go to But like doesn't tennis camp is like athleticism? Did you think like oh I'm gonna be a tennis star? Or were you like this is fun? No, it's just fun Okay, but these kids are going here specifically like I want to be the next Mr. Beast and give all my money away and save the world So what?

And I'm gonna unblind Every kid I know And fucking What do you want them to do? Go to like Fucking comic makers camp Where they're making comics I want them to watch The transgender bison

And find their true self These kids are fucked They're gonna have to Compete for attention It's like a camp Of being an attention whore I'm gonna make some kids I've decided

And um Make some Make them do what? Well I'm gonna I'm gonna craft Some children of my own And then I will have children Like them do what? Well, I'm going to craft some children of my own, and then I will have children. Like Pinocchio? Yes. I'm going to make a little wooden boy Pinocchio.

That's pretty good. That would be a good... Why did you create me, father? We'll get into discussing that in a minute. Drink this milk, buddy. Drink this milk, Pinocchio. Pinocchio. And you know what? I just want these children. Into discussing that In a minute Drink this milk Drink this milk Pedokio Pedokio And uh

You know what I just want these children They're gonna challenge The status quo Oh I'm gonna I wanna make a children's book I think

Okay dude Why Cause I'm gonna I wanna like I wanna challenge This rhetoric That's out there I was gonna make

A children's book And it's just called Johnny is a boy. And everybody keeps going to him and they go, well, you probably want to be a girl, right? He's like, no, I don't think so. Well, you're like 5% black. Do you want to identify as black? He's like, I think I'm just a... I don't think you should make a children's book.

Just a boy. I don't think I should do anything. I think it would be good. I think all these people online would have a problem with that. Honestly, all the people who have a problem with me doing that, I kind of wanted to start a kid's YouTube channel just because I know it would piss all those people off so hard. If I'm just like, hi, welcome to my grooming channel where we're going to talk about...

You should hire a kid actor and dress as Santa Claus or something and sit the kid on your lap and say all these jokes that the kid doesn't get. Right? I should make more content With children To really drive these people insane Yeah Uh Okay

I just love kids All of them Yeah I'm gonna be a children's entertainer That's it That's gonna That's You know what

I saw the fucking Transgender bison That's what I need to do Clearly the world of Children's entertainment Is where I belong Are you done I guess

Is that your I think I'm done Vote you done? I guess. Is that your... I think I'm done. Vote it up. No, I'll play it again. Vote it up. You know it really isn't hard. Vote it up. Vote it up.

Stop acting like a retard. You know where to go. Biggest problem that show Oh, I fucking hate this stupid song Very good That song doesn't even end, like, in a way Have you listened to that song? The ending just, like, drops off

It's terrible Have I listened to the song Let It Go? Is that a real question? Like, why did Kid latch on to that song? It's terrible. Have I listened to the song Let It Go? Is that a real question? Why did Kid latch on to that song? It's a bad song. Nah, it's a banger. No, it's not. Let it go! Let it go! Just like the high notes? Is that it?

I think it's a trash song. So you're a songwriter too now? I am a songwriter. I'm working with a guy. Okay, here's my first problem. It's called Not Drinking on St. Patrick's Day. It's this little thing that I do called Not Drinking on St's my first problem. It's called not drinking on St. Patrick's Day. It's this little thing that I do called not drinking on St. Patrick's Day. Why are you not drinking on St. Patrick's Day? On Friday night, you got to do bonus episodes on Friday night, and you can't get too drunk.

It's never stopped you for anything else before. It literally has. I always wait until the good show starts. Right. To even start looking. Maybe it's just not drinking beer on St. Patrick's Day because the whiskey is not the same. Okay. And this goes out to all of you out there who are working on St. Patrick's Day,

who have to deal with kids on St. Patrick's Day, or your wife on St. Patrick's Day, or who are sick on St. Patrick's Day and just can't set the alarm and wake up at 9 and start pounding beers like God intended and the Pope intended. Are you going to be pounding beers tonight? I don't know.

That's the problem with not drinking on St. Patrick's Day is when it becomes night it's kind of passed you by. The magic of St. Patrick's Day has passed it becomes night. It's kind of passed you by. The magic of St. Patrick's Day has passed you by, and now you're just drinking on a Friday night. St. Patrick's Day is a day to drink all day no matter what. Everyone ignores it and doesn't hassle you for it. And if you miss that day, you're just drinking at night.

And it's not the same. You missed out on the tide. You're fighting the tide of drunks that are already the momentum. Why don't you just get it all out of your system tomorrow? It's not the same. Nobody's out being St. Patrick's Day. You're not even wearing green. I know.

I fucked up. Do you want a pinch? Give me a pinch. I deserve one. Not your hand. You don't get to offer me. Hurt me plenty, daddy. Oh, God.

I regret saying the pinch thing. Pinch me. 36% of men admit to binge drinking on St. Patrick's Day. Oh, my God. So that's 60. This problem affects 64% of men. Well, maybe some of those people abstain. It's not because they couldn't manage to, you know, they made a choice.

Yeah, that's the problem. They're making it worse for everyone. Okay, so they should be drinking. People who are not drinking and making a big deal about it. I think St. Patrick's Day should last more than a day. No. Then we would be Ireland. Nobody wants to be Ireland.

You know, that would be called the purge. Beer sales are up only 174% during St. Patrick's Day. 104%. Over the weekend, 63% of car-related fatalities involve drunk drivers. That could be way higher. That should be way higher. Not enough people drinking on St. Patrick's Day. The Irish should have special privileges on St. Patrick's Day.

No, everyone's Irish on St. Patrick's Day. That's fair. 33% of pedestrians killed in car crashes over St. Patrick's Day were intoxicated. Were legally drunk. Then they kind of went out the way. That's crazy. Do they check your blood alcohol level if you get hit by a car? If you get killed by a car? If you get killed by a car?

Yeah Yeah, they do Just to see who's at fault more? I think it's like Well, let's ask the fucking Coroner guy Yeah, we should have him call in We should have him on speed dial

If you get hit by a car You just always check Blood alcohol level Well, probably because You ran out into the street Yeah, like a drunk moron It's estimated that A drunk driving death

Occurs every 30 minutes only during St. Patrick's Day. That's practically never. I have more stats. People should be drinking more. I do agree. It's so. It should be like, it should be really, and it should be one of these holidays that like, I don't even see anybody talking about it.

I don't see people posting on Twitter like, hey, you know, it's midday. I'm on my 12th. You know? That's the best part. Nobody's being online. They're all being in the moment of having to... But they're not. Drinking as much as possible. I don't think they are. Some of them are. What do you think they're doing then? Sitting around, dicking around,

watching the Mandalorian. I don't think people are celebrating the Irish as much as they should be. This is a day for you to not think about Star Wars. Wow. I don't know. The men of this country,

that's all they're thinking about. The men of this country do not need Star Wars today. They do not need... Can I think about the new Mario movie that's coming out? They definitely

don't need Mario. They don't need Matt Walsh and thinking about what's gay, who's gay is to suck a penis or trans anything. It's just going out. They shouldn't worry about Dylan Mulvaney today. Don't worry about Dylan Mulvaney today. Dylan

Mulvaney will be there tomorrow. What if she does a bunch of trans shit all of a sudden? Like shouldn't I comment on it? Not today. Okay. Today you should be drinking on St. Patrick's Day. Not drinking. What if Biden st you should be drinking on St. Patrick's Day. Not drinking. What if Biden stumbles while getting off a plane? That gif will be there tomorrow.

We're all very excited about Russell Brand's brand of a ganza or whatever it is. Launching on Rumble. I just love that literally every day has just bled into every other day. It's like, what happened this week? Something Star Wars sucked and Biden did something stupid and trans people did a thing. Oh, wow. What kind of thing? What about the kids?

Are the kids okay? Yeah, and a kid got groomed or somebody groomed something. There's a new pedophile. A new pedophile just dropped. You got to hear this story about this mother. She's shouting at the town council. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because their tits were bitten off by a surgeon.

A lady was racist and we caught it on camera. You're saying today's the one day that we put all that aside. Here's two black people in an elevator cage fighting. Save it for tomorrow. Tomorrow. Today is a day without. Today is just a day for drinking. And here I am at 645 in the afternoon with not even beer because I forgot to buy beer. And I was looking forward.

I had all day. I knew this was going to happen. You did have a lot of time, yeah. I was waiting for 6 o'clock so I could start drinking beer, and what do I have? Exactly one beer. The worst number of beer. Why don't you order some beer now? Because Saucy's takes an hour and a half to deliver every time.

I've been tricked by that before. Can't they get it from the 7-Eleven? Who's they? Like DoorDash or something. I don't know, Vito. It just doesn't work like that for me. I don't. Money is no object. You have liquor stores. I mean, you gotta drive down the mountain. I was too busy recording

that fucking bonus episode about Mario that we did. Yeah, it's true. We did talk about Mario. Another thing we should not have done on St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, it's true. We did talk about Mario. Another thing we should not have done on St. Patrick's Day. Oh, well. You see it in my eyes? You think you have problems about this buffalo thing? It's a bison.

The bison? It's a proud, non-binary binary bison. I went all day without drinking any beer. Yeah. Imagine that, if you can. You really laid it out on the line for us. Thank you, sir. That's my problem.

Not drinking on St. Patrick's Day. And I know even if you're sober, you know what I mean. You know that you missed out. Yes. On a great day. It's like being a kid. You come downstairs. No Christmas presents.

Like, wow, this sucks. That's exactly what it is. I mean, I feel bad that I completely spaced on it. That's the thing. I said nobody's talking about it because I didn't even know it was St. Patrick's Day. Good. Nobody's drinking. Nobody's having fun.

Wait, I have more stats. Okay. Let's see. 10% of Americans plan to go out to bars during COVID. Oh, yeah. After COVID. Before COVID, it was 27%. And now it's 10%. Oh, so our bars are

suffering because of COVID. Yeah. COVID killed the Irish. 15% of people now say they're going to attend private parties, which means they're going to flake on their fucking friends who bought all this stuff. Why don't you throw a party? That's what happens. Everyone just flakes on everything.

I come to all the fun things because I have nothing better to do. Alright, maybe I will throw one. Yeah. Just for you. When's your birthday? October. October what? 17. Mmm. Okay. You're not going to remember that. Yeah, I will.

Alright. Okay. I'm excited. What's your problem? My problem, Dick Is one I'm calling Reparation retardation I don't know if you've heard the news But reparations are hot on the minds of Americans everywhere The idea that slavery, that awful institution Yeah

That occurred during a certain dark period in our nation's history must now be rectified. What are you praying for? Is this what you mean? I don't know if this is necessarily... That's what I'm saying We've done them all Anyway San Francisco's Community

Whatever the hell To determine Reparation damages This is a proud committee Of several African Americans Actually if you head to my Twitter Real quick Why don't you I posted a picture of the people

on this committee. Okay. This is a committee that was, you'll see a group of African-American gentlemen. There you go, right there. So these are the people. Oh, there's ladies too. There's ladies too. This is the San Francisco Reparations Committee.

Well, they're talking about giving money away. They picked the right group. San Francisco Reparations Committee. Well, they're talking about giving money away. They picked the right group. These are the people who have brought forward their recommendations for how San Francisco, a state which never had slaves, should provide reparations to the descendants of the slaves that they did not have. Never had black slaves.

Did they have Chinese slaves? Who built the I mean railroads San Francisco Specifically Why is there Why is there Chinatown there I don't know if slavery

Is the right word Let's maybe indentured servitude Let's Let's Here's a couple of the things Now they have a large document Of all their All the things they want

Okay They want a lot of things Black people Or this reparations committee? This reparations committee has determined what they think black people should be given. Do they want new seasons of... Martin? Yeah.

Yeah, that was on there. We want three new seasons of Martin airing for... And we want free HBO Max for every black person in San Francisco. Drive a hard bargain. All right. Want a... Do you want Menthols back? Yeah, of course. I could get behind that. HBO Max for every black person in San Francisco. Drive a hard bargain. All right. One. I'll just go.

Do you want menthols back? Yeah, of course. I could get behind that. Biden needs to unban menthol. Free menthol cigarettes every month.

Do they want people to stop saying what Pontiac stands for? Probably. That's probably a big one. Poor old. Anyway.

It doesn't know. It doesn't work when you say more of the racist thing that I was saying. That's how you get into of the racist thing that I was saying. I just how do you get into trouble? All right. I'm going to go through these in no particular order, but I will save the most ridiculous for last.

Provide reparation, direct payments to black San Franciscans to alleviate the stress and anxiety caused by financial insecurity. So, OK, black people are pretty good, are uniquely stressed, of course, by financial burdens. I would be. Let's give them a little bit of money. Offer financial compensation to all black families whose children have suffered the education harms of the public school system. I'm for that. You're on that one.

That's good. I knew you would like that one. Yeah, I like that one. So you'd be on board with that. Yeah. Convert public housing units into condominiums with a $1 purchase price. $1, get yourself a condo. Oh, just give them the projects?

Yeah, basically. Yeah, that's fine. All right. There you go. Black people, projects for free. Black people will also have first choice of any- Do we get to buy them back for less when they ruin the- Shut up. Remember that show with the PJs? Black people will also have first choice of any Do we get to buy them back for less when they ruin them?

Shut up Remember that show with the PJs? That was a good show That guy looked like Mario too After they rip all the copper piping out of the walls We'll buy them back You did additional stuff and you made it racist That's it Poor white people would rip the copper pipes out as well

And they'd probably do it more efficiently Black people would rip the copper pipes out as well. And they'd probably do it more efficiently. Black people have first choice of any low-income rental units, and the city should cover any cost differentials. So if they cannot afford public housing, we will pay for it. Oh, they want, they have a favorite low-income housing? Yeah. Well, if we don't give them the $1 condos and we have to rely on the low-income housing. We will.

The city, yeah. The city will, of course, pay for that. Okay, that's fine. All right. Finance a comprehensive debt forgiveness program that clears all educational, personal, credit card, and payday loan debt. Credit cards? They want to wipe out all debt for all black Americans in the San Francisco area. So black people, run out and get yourself a car now.

Start charging it up now. Finance it as whatever crazy terms you want. Because if this goes through, that car is free. Black people buy me stuff. And then like we all do all the paperwork. You just buy me like some stuff. Yeah. I don't know. Buy me Bitcoin machines.

Black people are listening to this show, which at this point I highly doubt, but if there are. There are. I hope so. For the love of God. Please finance some car loans for me and Dick. Because once the reparations go through, it's all going to be free. Who cares?

Let's get together and work it out. Right? Yeah. Let's team up. Let's get something going here. Let's team up and take on whomever is orchestrating this bank bailout yeah whoever it may be well i think that they can help us out because if uh this goes through we will supplement african-american income of lower income households to reflect the area median income annually for the next 250 years that would be an annual income of $97,000 a year for every

black person so you'd be in the city yeah the matches the median it's just a medium it's only 97,000 per person for the next 250 years if it's 250 years yeah but let's 250 years. Yeah. But let's be clear. How long was 250 years ago? 1750. So before the country started. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So we're giving them a couple extra years. I like that one.

I'm okay with that one. All right. $97,000 a year. But let's be clear. I don't think black people should have to wait to get their 97,000. So probably the most important thing. Yeah. Well, we're going to give them in addition A one time lump sum payment

Of five million dollars To every eligible person Just five million to start you off I don't know how Menthols got left off Really we can use that money to lobby Congress to legalize menthols Again five million dollars

For each eligible person I should have got The stats but I believe someone calculated that As seventy bajillion menthols again. Five million dollars for each eligible person. I should have got the stats, but I believe someone calculated that as 70 bajillion dollars in payments. What about a black guy in Mario?

Can we get that? We could. I feel like that would be a fair... Yeah, I think we need a black toad. We've talked about this on the Mario bonus episode.

Yeah. I feel like that might be... Maybe we can't give you... We did an impression of him for like three minutes. Let's just say black Toad Is a colorful individual Who goes Hey Mario

You can't say You can't say that I said colorful Not color Whatever Point is Dick I think we can all recognize That these requests

Are perhaps A bit silly Perhaps there's not enough money To possibly pay for the ridiculous things that these brave individuals are asking for. Why? There's infinity money. Just give it to black people. No. Would you rather black people or Zelensky have the money? Black people. Easy. How much should we give to Zelensky? Because I don't even think it adds.

It's not infinity. Billions. Billions. Okay. By the time we're done, it'll be $5 trillion. I guarantee you. All right. Let's just get $5 million every black person, then. Yeah. How many black people are there in San Francisco?

I don't know. There was a... I should have brought up that. A hundred thousand? A million? Something like that. Yeah. We could do that.

Well, Dick, I mean... Finance. Finance it. Let's just compare it to another form of reparations. Welfare? No. Which, I mean, they're getting that. You can't deny that.

There are some programs. Yeah, we've been, Democrats have been. We've tried reparations in various forms. It exists. Democrats have been refinancing the black vote for like 60 years. They have to keep buying. They have to keep refinancing. They're like, well, we bought the black vote 60 years ago.

It's not working anymore. No, FDR. The first, when the black vote tipped, it was FDR's welfare. And then we hit the 60s and black people were like, well, actually, that didn't really help us. So LBJ said, additional welfare. He said, alright, you refinance, we'll kick it down.

And then Obama came and said, health care and education. They're like, it's kind of okay. We kind of want something that's just for us. Now Biden's coming in. Reparations. Reparations. It's the same thing. You got to keep buying those votes.

Well, I just don't understand why the black community is expecting $5 million a person. Because for comparison comparison there were the japanese americans who suffered in internment camps during world war ii yeah reagan famously did give reparations to dick do you know how much reagan gave to every person who uh was a prisoner of these internment camps like 20 dara pretty close 20 000 durer 20 000 which with inflation is about 50 000 durer which is not nearly five a million it's pretty good though 20 000 is not bad but let's be clear those are people who directly suffered in the camps who were in the camps these are people who suffering though it wasn't the best you know you'd probably prefer not to be there the people we're proposing

to give the money to are people whose ancestors hundreds of years ago didn't have a great time and i get it and it wasn't a great time but you're probably doing pretty okay now. You live in America, the greatest country on earth. You got free health care. You got welfare. You got, you know, it seems a little silly to go, I want $5 million. Now, do you know how- But why, though? Like, banks get infinity money.

So why not just give a bunch to black people? Well, I really don't understand it. Like, there's no chance that we're going to get- Well, why not give a bunch to black people. I really don't understand it. Like, there's no chance that we're going to get... Well, why not give a bunch to white people, then? Yeah, sure. Okay. Because white people just sit around watching football and talking about my wife. That's why.

Black people will go out and... Make music. Enact... No. They will go out and demand attention. We have grievances. We don't like the way we're being treated Give us five million bucks

And white people will sit around going What is a woman's penis? Buy my chocolate penis Or my chocolate woman's penis The most important thing in life is your wife And your relationship with Jesus Christ Like okay So you're good with nothing? Fine

So you're saying everyone deserves reparations If they ask for it No I'm saying black people will get it I don't think they're going to get it Okay, so you're good with nothing? Fine. So you're saying everyone deserves reparations. If they ask for it. No, I'm saying black people will get it. I don't think they're going to get it. I think this is a... Why do you not think they're going to get it? They might get a little something, but they're not going to get $5 million. Do you know how much welfare costs?

$5 million is nothing. What's the price tag on this? $5 million per person? Well, that's the thing They can't even figure it out Did you learn anything from your anchoring problem? They're anchoring at $5 million So what sounds fair now?

A million I think But as we discussed The anchoring effect If you anchor too high As I think think they have, at $5 million. I don't know. All those things sounded fine to me. Plus eliminate all our debts.

Plus give us money because our kids got free school, but it sucked. It did suck. All I know is that they asked them, how did you come to the number of $5 million? And Chairman Eric McDonald said, well, there wasn't a math formula, but it was a journey for the committee towards what could represent a significant enough investment in families

to put them on this path to economic well-being, growth, and fatality that chattel slavery and the policies that flowed from it destroyed. Chattel slavery. Yeah, I think they just kind of pulled a number out of their ass. No shit.

That's where we're at. Yeah, but like, shouldn't you calculate? Alright, it depends on how long that guy was in slavery and how many kids he had and what each kid gets. Why? The PPP loans didn't calculate shit. There's like, I don't know, two and a half months. Black people didn't get that shit. White people months. Black people didn't get that shit.

White people did. White people didn't get five million. I mean, some people did. The TARP bailouts were like, what, one and a half trillion? Black people didn't get that money. All right. You're right. A fucking other time.

White people didn't get it either. Asian people didn't get it. All I know is that- You got that money. If every black person gets- Where the fuck is my money? That's what I want to know. Where the fuck is my money? That's what I want to know. Where the fuck is my money?

I would rather black people have it than anybody else. Cause at least they're going to have fun with it. At least they'll have fun. I mean, yeah, I kind of want to see what the world looks like when every black person gets $5 million. Oh,

you can't imagine it. I'm not going to tell you what I... Wow, I can't believe that this is looking like this. I'm not going to talk about what I imagine. It's not that kind of show. Maybe you in the comments can tell us whatever you want. Not on YouTube comments.

Send us a voicemail. Do you really think... Are you really anti-reparations? I'm pro it. Give fucking black people the money before they figure out how to give it to Zelensky. Or whomever else. Banks are still going to get a cut.

They're going to get a good cut. They're paying back their credit cards. I think there are ways to elevate the plight of the black American without just handing them a bunch of money and letting them go wild. What's better than money? What do you want for Christmas? A fucking plight?

A lecture on getting a job? They should build more low-income housing. They should have more job opportunities and placement programs. What do you mean they should build more low-income housing? The white people. Oh, okay. Let me see if my wife will let me get on that.

The big game's coming up. I don't even know how to argue this one. Why are you anti-reparation? It's not costing you anything. I think in the long run, it will cost me something. Why? Because the math doesn't work out economically. You're going to bankrupt the city of San Francisco.

You're going to bankrupt every other city that tries to do this. And then you're going to print more money. And then the rampant inflation is going to destroy the value of San Francisco. You're going to bankrupt every other city that tries to do this. And then you're going to print more money and the rampant inflation is going to destroy the value of the dollar. And meanwhile, all the black people are going to be running around in their sky cars. So you're jealous. You're jealous that the black people are going to get something

and then something's going to be bankrupt, whatever that is. And then you won't have any free money. Is that it? I think it's unfair that black people get $5 million. I think the Irish and the Italians, we've suffered as well. Oh, I see. No Irish need apply. Just be black.

Honestly, if I could be black and get $5 million, I'd be into it. There's going to be a rise on Italian on black crime outside the reparations office. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me that money. I think you're going to see a rise in people just running in and marrying the first black woman they can find. It's going, baby, I love you so much. You're so beautiful.

Help me start a business. Help me start a business? Yeah, with your $5 million. It's not $5 million, though. It's the median wage. Well, no, you get a $5 million lump sum, and then you get $97,000 a year. Oh, you get a $5 million lump sum? Yes, a one-time lump sum payment of $5 million to every eligible person.

That's what we've been arguing about this whole time. Well, we do that with Dubai. Okay. They get like $90,000 a year, basically from us, for letting them have their shithole of oil that we should just take and murder them. We did it to black people. So why do we let them have their gay little country? Yeah, I heard it. Dick makes everything so simple.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, just give it to them. Also, I mean, why not just kill everyone at Dubai and take all their oil? Yeah. This tower. It would be a shame if someone would fly a big plane into it. Oh, shit.

Whoops. We put little guys on there going, USA, USA, USA. Sometimes I wish I could live in your world, Mr. Masterson, where everything just makes perfect sense. There's no sadness. Everything just makes perfect sense. There's no kind of existential, what did I do? How could I do this? I wanted to do good.

Everything makes sense from this side. Yeah, we just, you know, I just give the black people all the money and see what happens. It'll be funny. I think they should have it. Good. I hope they do. I hope. I'm sure.

I think five million is low. If I'd have known. What a bunch of suckers. The Democrats aren't giving them enough money. A hundred million dollars. I would have given them six million. If I was. I think every black person should get to be president for 10 minutes and pass as many

laws as they can. Now you're talking. There you go. You got to start thinking fourth dimensionally here, Vito. We're in a surrealist world. I feel like this is. Your antiquated ideas of right and wrong and governance and society, they don't hold up. Okay.

I feel like this is a, these are silly demands. I feel like the people making the demands are insane. And Mr. Masterson clearly disagrees and thinks. Okay, well, I hope you're real conflicted about it when it gets taken out of your taxes. Exactly. Reparation retardation is my problem. Dick, go ahead. Okay, my problem is washing your hands when you have long sleeves on.

Yeah. Or like a jacket. Right. Oh, man. Okay, my problem is washing your hands when you have long sleeves on yeah, or like a jacket right? What is this fucking show man? Yeah, go ahead. You know you know yeah, you gotta wash you can pull them up Yeah, right now you know you have long you have long sleeves on right now right now, but I know what you're talking about You know, you have long sleeves on right now? Not right now, but I know what you're talking about. Jacket or long sleeves or a sweatshirt, a hoodie. And you got to pull them up.

First of all, you're like, I've pulled these up and I'm going to stretch the arm holes all out. But I got to do this to wash my... What am I going to do? I wash my hands. I got pissed on my hands. I got to wash. I should wash my hands because of COVID. I got to wash my hands.

Pull them up. Oh, great. I don't want to pull them up too far because it will mess up the armholes right so now i get in there uh-oh one slipped well i already got my hands all wet oh you're gonna get a wet sleeve try to get it like you're gonna get a wet sleeve i can stretch one out but then the other one slips no fuck now i got two sleeves down i can do like this yeah like a kind of sissy hand wash here, but it doesn't matter because even if one, if a little drop gets on, it's the same as if they're all wet.

So you just say, fuck it. Wash my hands like normal. Get my fucking sleeves all wet. Now my sleeves are sticky. Our fucking water's sticky. And then they get hard. I can't dry them off. And then they get kind of like scratchy

Washing your hands Every time washing your hands with long sleeves Why don't you take your jacket off Before you do anything Because I don't get piss on my jacket you idiot Take it off before you piss But I don't plan on getting piss on my hands I thought you take your shirt off when you piss

I don't take my shirt off when I piss I take my shirt off when I get shit What's the difference? Between piss and shit yeah well like why well why does one require your shirt to be off because i don't want any encumbrances while i'm taking a shit i don't want my shirt to get piss on it i don't i don't want my shirt to get poop or splash up water on it so then you should take it off during pissing as well because i I'm pissing out in the fucking urinals, you idiot. What do you mean take my shirt off? You should stop a splash bag. It's piss. It will dry. I can

hike my shirt up out of the way. Well, if it'll dry, then why are you washing your hands? Because they have piss all over them. I don't want a bunch of dirty piss all over. I don't want to smell like piss wherever I go. Why would I take my shirt off when I take a piss? Why don't you get some wet naps and just wash your hands that way

You get some napkins or something You're saying Everyone should carry around wet wipes Isn't the mere act Of after you pissed pulling up your sleeve Getting piss on the sleeve anyway Yeah but you have to use Your other fingers that don't have piss

You know where the piss is you've identified it Uh oh These are the piss is. You've identified it. Uh-oh. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. These are the piss fingers. These are the piss fingers. So I'm going to pull it up, the sleeves like this. I hope that holds. I hope that holds.

There should be a little guy at the hand washing station to pull them up for you. Hmm. Bring back bathroom attendants. Maybe. Or wash your hands so you can hold your arms stretched out completely So the sleeves don't roll down What if you could put your hands in like a little chamber You know and it snaps around your wrist

And then it It will be broken It will be fucked up That would be cool what you're saying Like a thing that you put your hands in It locks It's hermetically sealed around your wrist And then jets Oh god

Water That's hot And nice And soap And then dries your hands Yeah And then you take your hands out And they're brand new

But some kid with a jackknife Would destroy it day one Some white guy who's angry about his reparations Would come in Give me your five million bucks Where's my Irish reparations? Alright, washing your hands is the problem. Washing your hands with long sleeves.

Washing your hands. Got it. With long sleeves on. You don't like to wash your hands. No, I do like it, actually. Oh, really? That's why. Because it's nice and warm.

Sometimes it's cold. What kind of soap do you use? Whatever is there. But in your home, do you have, like, a nice, like, a lot of soap? I have the Irish Spring. That's beautiful. And my girlfriend has soap that squirts out of it and not the kind that foams. She has like the goo and I really hate it.

You got to get that like buttercream whatever soap. It's all rich and buttery or whatever. What's that? I think you just put butter in your soap dispenser. Butter and heavy cream. Just put it in there and wash your hands with that, you dumb idiot. Oh, God. I didn't even get to the worst part.

What's the worst part? You squirt when it's jammed. I can't believe this is still going. Oh, the soap, yeah. And you squirt the soap on your sleeve. Oh, my God. All right, you squirt the soap on your sleeve. Oh, my God. All right, so Dick brought in another terrible fucking stupid problem. I might as well just go home and switch the shirt.

It's got soap all over it. And God forbid you're wiping your hands and you got finger pain or any of their fucking brilliant problems. Vito, that's a way better problem than black people reparations. Yeah, you're right. Good point. Well, Dick, I got one more problem for you. And I'll preface this one with a news story.

Okay. The Raspberry Rally Girl Scouts cookie, a limited edition raspberry flavored version of the beloved Thin Mint, has sold out in less than a day. The cookie proved to be more popular than anticipated, says the Girl Scouts. Quickly, this raspberry cookie has ended up on the resale market, listed for as much as $30,

where the typical box of Girl Scout cookies is about $5 or $6 a box. Resale? Yeah. They're normally $55 and people are reselling them for $30. Maybe even more. Wow. Get these raspberry cookies. Okay. My problem was dumb though

but expensive cookies. I haven't even gotten to my fucking problem retard and let me do this. Alright. The Girl Scouts issued a statement saying when cookies are purchased through a third party seller, girl scout troops are deprived of proceeds that fund crucial programming throughout the year.

Plus unauthorized sales can erode the girl scouts. Good cookie name. The girl scouts of the USA, your local girl scout council and your, our licensed cookie bakers cannot guarantee the freshness or integrity of cookies bought through unauthorized site and say customers should use the cookie finder on the scouts website uh my problem is uh free market haters free market haters fuck the girl scouts this is an important learning opportunity

yeah for these little bitches if you make thing, there's a certain thing called supply and a certain thing called demand. There was great demand for your cookie. You did not provide the supply necessary to fulfill that demand. Therefore, a secondary market has been created for your commodity. And you, as the seller, should go,

well, that's the free market at work. How beautiful is that? How beautiful that we created something that is so popular and we encourage everyone. Well, they can't say that. Why? Because they got to say like, hey, everybody, stop doing what you're doing. No. Just eat the cookies.

No. I get this shit all the time where people go, I'm so tired of scalpers doing this. And I can't believe. Yes. You yes you do it yes and you steal magic cards i'm not stealing magic cards that's a completely different fucking thing okay all right for instance when the analog pocket video game console was announced i said this is going to be a very popular item so i purchased two of, one for myself and one to resell. This was a smart thing I did. I correctly anticipated the supply and demand of the market,

and I capitalized upon it and made money. And I had a friend where I went, yeah, you know, I bought one for myself and one to sell. And he went, what is wrong with you? I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, I didn't know you were one of these filthy scalpers i went yeah buddy i'm the exact same as any other man participating in the market the market dictates the price is not i what everyone should buy according to their means and the only people allowed to make profit are the targets and Walmarts of the world. What is wrong with the small boutique seller flipping things for a profit?

Well, cause it's like cookies. So they should have made more cookies. You don't have to buy the cookies. Should not the people to be blamed, be the consumer creating a frenzy for a stupid raspberry fucking cookie. We can just go to the store and buy a raspberry cookie it probably tastes just the fucking same okay me taking advantage of people's

needless desire for a stupid consumer item that no one needs and is not crucial i will say this when they when they made it illegal to like re you know uh scalp like hand sanitizer When COVID was going on No that I kind of understand What the fuck Are you serious That's a crucial item though That's like something that people Actually needed for their health

You are such a piece of shit So you're buying as many video games As you can buy And then Pokemon cards and cookies But hand sanitizer is totally off limits for hoarding. It's totally off limits. But if there is a crucial short, like if somebody was hoarding diabetes medication, you would say this is a problem. Why didn't they make more diabetes medicine then?

Maybe there's just a problem with the spry chains and the pipeline. How is it different than fucking cookies? It's a little different because people's lives actually depend on it. Not good ones. Why not good ones? Because they didn't think ahead and buy their fucking diabetes medicine. So obviously their lives were not worth it. I think that there can be certain exceptions.

How can you have fucking price controls on, this is such a, this is exactly how you get Buffalo, Bison. Yeah. With the wrong gender. Because you start trying, you know what's right you know what's right right which is cookies buy and sell yeah go on ebay fuck you right but then as soon as somebody makes you feel bad in any way like oh well their lives are on the line then it's uh fasc. It's a little different. Take that guy's hand.

It's not different at all. It's the same market factors and dynamics at play. The difference is that no one's life is hinging on a cookie or a game system. How do you know? Crucial medical supplies. How do you know? Maybe you need $50.

If you could make the argument to me that you need... If I don't play Pac argument to me that you need i'm gonna die fine then i'll buy you one okay if you could make that argument but let's go i just did all right you could have my analog pocket point is that i'm not even talking about these very rare exceptions i'm saying that most of the things people complain about or oh this thing sold out It's not fair to the scalpers It's always the fault of the company Producing the item they could have made more They didn't

That's their fault for not correctly Recognizing demand for their product I can't fucking believe you said that shit about hand sanitizer Go get alcohol then If you're so worried about your About your hands being sanitized Sanitize them with some vodka Sanitize them with some vodka

Or you know what? Open up your pocketbook You got a car That could buy a lot of hands I mean, he has a price Suck his cock No He bought all the hand sanitizer in the world

Find one of your friends to blow him I mean, I agree It's not like the end of the world You can buy the hand sanitizer, you know I think you could even scalp those items within reason. Yeah. I think it was starting to get like kind of out of control and there was a public health crisis. God damn it.

Why did this become a COVID problem? Because you made it. You are picking on the Girl Scout people like you're better than them. But you're pro. I lose because this became a COVID problem. And I can't win one of those. All you have to say is hoarding's fine. Hoarding is fine.

No matter what. Well, what about medicine? That's hoarded. By whom? By drug companies. Yeah, well, that's a whole other fucking thing. They shouldn't do that either. I mean, that's a whole other pipeline.

Okay. Look, I think if an item is crucial to the survival of a human being, then scalp it. You can make the argument. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. You can make the argument that it is morally improper to try and make an obscene amount of profit off it,

which, yes, the drug companies do, and you know you disagree with that. Do you like when drug companies charge an arm and a leg for life-saving medication? I think they can only do that because the government protects their patents. Like, if patent law didn't exist,

everybody would just make whatever. Then you would make penicillin and I would go like, oh yeah, okay, I'm gonna do that. And you'd be like, oh yeah, but I worked all this, I spent all this time making this so I could make money. And I said, well, fuck you. It helps people. Right.

So why does patent law exist? It's complicated. Well, you have to fund the development of the drug. And why would you develop the drug if you can't recoup your investment in its development? It's complicated to do. The process of making it is so complicated. It takes a lot of capital to put in to make it. Yeah, but once it's been invented, you spent all the money developing it, and then Dick

and Harry just make their own generic version, and you see none of the money. So you're worried about pharmaceutical companies not making enough money? Pharmaceutical companies, I think, have the right to recoup whatever they invested in developing the drug. Why? Because they developing the drug. Why? Because they spent the money. If I spend all my money figuring out how to make a flying car and then Ford goes, cool, we're going to make the exact same thing.

Oh, you put a propeller on that car? Wow, what a fucking amazing invention. Do you just want every large company to take any small invention and then they can just have it? Yeah, because the process. This is the intellectual property argument again. No, it's this. The process of invention is random,

is totally by chance at this point. Like generating new molecules and seeing how they become drugs is just a computer doing it. And then going through endless bureaucracy to get it approved and like see how it interacts and what it interacts with.

There's no... There's no... There's no like spark of inspiration to it that would warrant this massive profit. Sure. Whatever. Anyway, the Girl Scout cookies are currently available on eBay for $30 a box.

Yeah. And the Girl Scouts would like you to purchase them from the Girl Scouts. What a show, Dick. All right. What a show. What are our problems? Our problems are. What are our problems?

My problems are. Reparation. Reparation retards. Retardation. Okay. You got to do the rhyme. Reparation retardation. Sorry. Boom. My the rhyme. Reparation retardation. Sorry.

Boom. My problems are washing your hands with long sleeves and not drinking on St. Patrick's Day which I obviously am. And my last problem

is free market haters. Free market haters. A problem which has nothing to do with COVID or drug companies or anything. Dick just hijacked it to force

a win for himself. Well, regardless, reparations should win. And Dick's argument that we should give black people $5 million apiece because it would be funny, which is his argument for everything. No, that I don't agree with you on. It wouldn't be funny? I think it would be funny, but I do think they deserve it. How much do they deserve exactly?

More than $5 million. Okay. Why? it how much do they deserve exactly more than five million okay um well because um they're black is that not what they do you think that the world will be like like if you put it on a timeline after giving every black person five million dollars do you think it's going to be a better world well no we'll have to refinance it again be a better world? Well, no, we'll have to refinance it again. Like, we'll have to do, in 40 years, we'll have to do... Another five million?

No, probably trillion by then. Okay. We'll have to be giving... Guys, what a show we've had here today. I do agree with you on the free market haters. Yeah. But I also think that hoarding is an effective method of price control. I think you can hoard within reason.

Yeah. Okay. I agree with you more than you do. I agree with your problem more than you. I know you are, you are arguing for even an extreme free market, no matter what. I can imagine if a woman had a pussy that everybody wanted.

I think there can be. I always believe there could be, you know, there's effective free market regulation that still contributes to a healthy free market. Like what? Like property? Like, I can't sell poison without labeling it poison. Well, it's called Adderall. Shut up. Shut up. What do you mean you can't? It's called McDonald's. It's literally fucking liquor.

It's all poison. You don't want us to have cocaine and fentanyl. I think if it was labeled, then that would be fine. You think if somebody was trying to sell poison, like they would what would be the outcome of that? They would go from town to town Like hey everybody

Have a delicious soft drink And then everyone Would drink it and be dead And they'd be like My plan's going This is exactly what I wanted Yeah maybe That's just a serial killer

Like they could still do that I've seen YouTube prank videos I'm pretty sure you would have A YouTube pranker out there If there was no repercussions To selling people poison You would absolutely have a guy on YouTube Who's like hey hey

Drink this dude And then a guy would die and he would go Oh another awesome prank from the prank master This one shit himself I hear that argument all the time That well we have to have regulation Or else you could sell poison And I'm like I don't really know anyone

Who's going around wanting to sell poison Because I'm like I don't really know anyone Who's going around wanting to sell poison Because of the regulations I don't think so I think if regulations didn't exist I would probably sell poison just for fun Like we don't have a law against shoving a baseball bat up your ass So if the government said Thank god we have a law

Against shoving baseball bats up your ass Or else everyone would be going around with baseball bats up their ass It's a little more complicated than that Alright We've got all our problems bats up your ass or else everyone will be going around with baseball bats up their ass. It's a little more complicated than that. Alright. We've got all our problems and if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to vote on the problems at biggestproblem.show and if you want more exciting problems, check

out our latest bonus episode, The Biggest Problem in Mario. Currently available at biggestproblem.show or at least it will be in the few days after you hear this. Okay, here we go. Patreon.com slash biggestproblem. Did you actually know that April O'Neil was originally going to be based on this guy's girlfriend?

Nobody gives a shit about the comics. Nobody cares. That's not true. They care about the cartoon. They care about the toys. They care about the video games People like the comics Nobody gives a fuck about the comics

Did they? If you pretend you give a shit about the comics You're being a disingenuous piece of shit I never saw them I only knew the cartoon I had the comics as a kid Are they good? Yeah

They're pretty cool Do they have like Baxter Stockman in them? Yeah he's in the like second issue Do they have Krang in them? Yeah Yes Oh okay Although I didn't know that It's funny Yeah he's in the like second issue Did they have Krang in them? Yeah yes Oh okay I didn't know that It's funny I was like reading

Like some of the correspondence Between those guys and the like Cartoon makers and they're like Yeah we just got back the stills of what Krang's robot body looks like and he looks like A big stupid fat guy Can you guys like change that? And they're like yeah yeah we'll change that He's like so they didn't change it and now Krang's stuck as a big stupid fat guy. Can you guys like change that? And they're like, yeah, yeah, we'll change that.

He's like, so they didn't change it. And now Crank stuck as a big stupid fat guy. He was a fat guy? No, Crank, because he's a brain. But the thing he's in, the thing that he walks around as. Oh, instead of that little thing that like with the arms? It's the big, the guy with the like visor. Yeah, the laser beams.

They didn't like that? No, I also hated that as a kid. I was like, this thing looks stupid as hell. Oh. What did you want him to be in? I don't know. Like a crazy, scary robot man. Is that what he is in the comics?

Not like a big doofus. I forget. I think in the comics, he's just always a brain. I don't know if he... He probably had a metal walker at one point. Did Shredder build him his body in the comics? Because that was dumb. Shredder was not a technological guy and he was always like

Get back to work on my body and the Comic shredder was just a japanese guy Who died in the first issue and then they're like Oh shit well i guess we got to bring it back Yeah oh And then they figured out a way to bring him back or whatever Thank god also you know The biggest difference between the cartoons and the

Comics yeah is uh In the cartoons Splinter comics is in the cartoons, Splinter used to be a human being, right? Yeah. He got turned into a rat. Yeah, that's kind of weird. No, that was actually, I think, better because in the comics, he was a rat who lived in Japan with a kung fu master,

and he would watch his kung fu master all day, and he was like a kung fu rat. That's what happened in the movies. In the movies, that happened, happened and everyone's like what the fuck And then he mutated But he already knew Kung Fu as a rat And you're like well that doesn't make any fucking sense Why would a rat know Kung Fu Yeah you're right the cartoon version is better

Yeah the cartoon version is better than it was like a guy Who knew Kung Fu and then he got mutated into a rat But it doesn't make sense with the mutagen To reverse like mutate Yeah that doesn't make sense Well it mutagen To reverse like mutate Yeah that doesn't make sense Well it's kind of weird if the turtles and Splinter mutated at the Exact same time and they're young

And he's like an old man I guess it's because he's an older rat That he's like their master Now but they only live like three years though Don't they turtles or rats That's true so he's probably only Three years old it doesn't really work Anyway and there's a new comic Right now that everybody loves called the last ronin Rats? That's true. So he's probably only three years old. It doesn't really work. Anyway, and there's a new comic right now that everybody loves called The Last Ronin,

where only one Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is left alive. Which one? I'm not going to spoil that. Is it Leonardo? I'm not going to spoil it. I just told you. Is it Donatello? It's one of the four.

You can keep guessing all four. Is it Leonardo? I'm not telling you, but it's a very popular comic right now People like the comics I need to read the rest of Last Ronin Huh Is uh It's Leonardo okay

Is that what you want to hear? Okay it's Leonardo I knew it It's not Leonardo Shit Hey Vito This is a bit of a nerdy problem But my problem this week is

Star Wars video games Not letting you Fucking cut off people's limbs Yes Oh sure You wanna cut off robots limbs You wanna slice and dice monsters and shit Have fun

Go Go nuts kid You wanna chop off a stormtrooper's head Fuck you You wanna cut a fucking stormtrooper in half? That sucks. Fuck you. Only robots, bitch.

Disney. Disney. Disney. Yeah. Fuck, man. I don't even like Star Wars like that. The fucking old games were just cool. There's some games you could decadentate.

I don't even like Star Wars like that. I like it as a friend. I think you do that now. I think there was an official decision from Disney. No more lightsaber decapitations across the entire franchise. That sucks. And no more merchandise of Slave Leia. You're not allowed to make Slave Leia action figures.

I didn't even think that was very hot. Leia in that slave outfit. It's like, whatever. She's mid at best. There was one Playboy photo shoot where she wore it and it was like pretty good I think Star Wars lightsabers got fucked up like in the first three Star Wars It's kind of not clear what they are

Okay, the original trilogy you're talking about yeah, okay, no three Yeah. And then it turned into like they're just like laser beams. Right. And going right? But it was in the first one because the special effects weren't all dialed in. So there was like the blade size was all weird. And then he hit him and he disappeared. It's like wow I don't know what kind of weapon

that is. It seems like really Does it make people disappear when you hit them? Yeah. But it was like wielding a chainsaw Yeah, the lightsaber doesn't really make any sense and now they're like And that's dumb that thing has you seen all the videos of the forbidden lightsaber technique Yeah, I've seen that Jeff where it's just like alright if two blades are stuck together Just turn yours off real quick go through his blade yeah turn it back on and black guys are good at uh they like they like making weird fight videos that's what i mean

they treat it they start treating it like a flashlight but a laser beam yeah that's dumb star wars sucks i agree i fucking hate star wars right now it's so shitty It's like When you have something that's good Just stop Just stop Yeah Don't make any more Yeah Or make so much

Or make a all black version of it Okay Like Lord of the Rings Like Blackula Yeah like Blackula But Star Wars Yeah Just do that

Death Star Dude if they made an all black Star Wars movie We would absolutely go see it It would be hilarious Yeah but they can't Because of these fucking laws Alright here we go

I thought it was good What's up, guys? I just watched that No Jumper interview. I don't think it was as bad as you guys made it out to be, to be honest with you. I thought it was good. I thought it was okay. I guess, though, it's just interesting how it's all developed so far. I thought it was okay. Just a quick question. What was up with that girl on the podcast you had that said nothing at all?

And then also, is Adam 22 now a pedophile? What did you do? What did you do? What did you do? What did you do to him? I didn't do anything to him Yeah I retroactively turned him Into a pedophile 20 years ago

Using the power of my doctor pedophile Strange So that girl who Destiny was with Is like some Instagram model. I think he's banging or something. I hope so. There'd be no other reason. Yeah.

Everybody was commenting. They're like, why is that bitch not saying anything? It's like, I don't know. Why are you at? Be careful. Don't fucking start asking that question. She'll start talking. We had an empty seat and it was literally like, well, we can have no one sit there.

We can have her sit there and say nothing. So we just put her in the seat. Yeah. It's kind of funny. Yeah. It was funny until funny Yeah it was funny Until Adam asked her What she thought about something

Yeah And I was like You're messing up the bit man Don't talk to her Yeah Oh what was I gonna say No jumper went very well Yeah I thought it was good

No one Oh but also that girl Who wasn't talking And made like a video Where she asked Destiny Like his thoughts on like Consent And then Destiny was like Well you know you know, sometimes a girl says no.

I hate it. But she really means yes or something. And now everyone's calling Destiny a rapist. So that girl kind of, like, edited the thing to, like, fuck with Destiny. Really? Yeah, it's, like, kind of edited in a way that makes it sound like he's, like, a really rapey guy. That girl annoyed me right away. I didn't.

I wasn't bothered. We were going like, I was like, oh, Destiny, shake hands. Like, oh yeah, what's your name? And she's like, did you say Forza? Forza. Forza? And she goes, no, Forza. Forza.

It's gonna be one of those days. Does she have like two million followers or something stupid like that? Yeah, she's a hot girl. She's a young, hot woman who says few things. We should have taken her to task. You can't. You can't make them feel like you're taking her.

Take your clones off. It'll be funny for the show. I'm going to throw a bunch of ones at her. You're a dumb bitch. All right. Well, everybody, I thought our No Jumper appearance, we got a lot of great reviews. Yeah, it was fun. I wish we would have done.

You've suggested that we do blackface. I thought that would have been fun. Don't tell them. We can still do blackface. If we walked into No Jumper, we're like, oh, Oh we just gotta go to the bathroom real quick And then we come out All minstreled up And saunter in

And there's a bunch of rappers That would have been a great Great appearance And then we have a fight Yeah then we have a fight So then when they Hey are you doing blackface You go

Oh you're doing blackface This fucking guy No then we fight We have to fight on each other This fucking guy Got me in the bathroom And put this shit all over me. No, he put this on me. I didn't even want to do this.

And we started having him rolling around fist fight and throwing chairs. I fucking told you I didn't want to do blackface. I fucking told you. This was your idea. You're the reason they're all mad at us. Adam, Adam, Adam. Adam, you have to believe me. That messes people up all the time.

The classic Star Trek Who Blackface Who scenario on no jumper. I fucking told you not to do this. You had this idea. You brought the makeup. That's pretty good. I really like that good cop, bad cop routine

you guys do with the YouTube TOS on stuff like the Great Reset. You know, obviously both of you guys agree with, but then Vito goes, oh no, you can't say that. You can't say that. We don't do that.

I thought that was another voicemail. We don't do that. We don't do that. I don't know why. I thought that was another voice mail. It's a good cop-back. We don't do that. We don't do that, sir. Okay, let's do... This show is a nightmare. 400 viewers.

Wow. Wow. Get your fucking wallets out. Get your fucking super chats ready. You guys wait until the last minute every time, and it fucks, and then we have to wait here like we're waiting for the bus to go to fucking school. Get your money out. Get your super chats out

Now Thanks for listening To the show everybody Don't forget to vote At biggestproblem.show Biggest problem In Mario available At patreon.com

Slash biggest problem And don't forget Back.buy Slash biggest problem For your crypto You crypto heads Out there Even if you're not

You can use your credit card If you go there If you don't want to give Patreon a cut I'm going to do weird NFT shit there too. That's pretty cool. I have some ideas. I want to do some ideas. Live show sold out, by the way, at live.dick.show

for the big, you know, big bonanza. You got to make a waiting list to see if anybody cancels their tickets. Yeah, if you didn't get a ticket, because you waited yet again, waiting too long. Yeah. Maybe I'll find a way to make... Maybe they were busy washing their hands but they didn't roll up their sleeves. Maybe I'll find a way to make they were busy washing their hands but then roll up their sleeves maybe I'll find

a way to make tickets available but you have to do a punishment you have to do stand up that would be good all right oh wait a minute wait a minute I got a surprise for you oh no um I got you no your own mouse oh really yeah wait wait wait oh good

let me see we so I can scroll to super chats okay so now we both Your own mouse. Oh, really? Yeah, wait, wait, wait. Oh, good. Let me see. Whee! So I can scroll the super chats. Okay, so now we both can scroll the mouse. Yeah, right. That's good. That's helpful.

All right. I'll try not to abuse this privilege. Well, I can't take it away. I don't think every time you're like, I have a present. I'm like, oh, good. Is it a fucking stupid wig? Wait, I do have a present. Oh, God damn it.

This is... Somebody sent this in. It's too small to be a wig, I think. It says this one's for Vito. Here, read the card first. This one's for Vito. Stop using... Oh, stop using shit gas station cables from Patrick. My USB problems have been giving me conniptions.

Oh, it's the Anker Series 5, the choice of 55 million happy users. Well, thank you, Patrick. Is that a good one? Yeah, I think so. I think this is the brand that people say to get, Anker. What'd you get? I hope... I don't know.

This one might be for you, too. I hope this cable works for you. If you're curious, Linus Tech Tips is working on testing all USB cables to filter out the shit ones in the meantime. Well, do you need any USB cables? I feel guilty taking all these USB cables for myself, but I need them. I mean, if you say it like that. What is it?

Just a nice USB cable. Let me see if I need this one first. Which one is yours? Is yours a USB to... I think I need a C to C. But I mean, I can use this one as well. God, this fucking tape. We can each get one.

Is it the same one? I think it's the same one. Yeah, it's C. Were they sent by two different people? No, that was the same guy sent them both. Well, then we each get one, I think it's the same one Yeah, it's C Were they sent by two different people? No, that was the same guy Sent them both Well, then we each get one, I guess Alright

Thank you, Patrick For the USB cables from the future Thanks, buddy You can always send me free stuff Anchor Alright Anchor I have a P.O. box

You can find the You have your own P.O. box? Yeah, I never check it, though And then I go And they're like you have a bunch of stupid crap here I gotta make Actually somebody like some people have sent me stuff Cause I was making videos like here's what showed up on my PO box And I just haven't made one in a while

I feel bad but I have been getting everyone's packages So thank you I know Man Alright guys here's the deal We get a lot of super chats these days So I'll just make you guys aware If it's a $2 super chat

I will try to bang through it a little quicker Than some of the other ones Doesn't mean I don't love you Raj Gandhi for two What happened to Chim Changs? Need him back Not enough money to get an answer to that question Clay Kellinger for $9.99. COVID got him. COVID got him. He's dead.

Clay Kellinger, $9.99. Says nothing. Best super chat in the world. Koof for $2. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Thank you, Koof! Clay Kellinger for $4.99. Says Vito looks like a hot pocket. I have no idea what that means. Like goo coming out the top? I don't know. Hot pocket?

Did you see that if you buy hot pockets right now, you get Magic the Gathering arena codes. God, dude. Fucking. Does a hot pocket have a card? Hot pocket. One. It will soon. Five.

One. Burn. Spend two mana. Sacrifice hot pocket to burn the top of your mouth. Along with those shitty Lord of the Rings cards. Hot pocket. God, those Lord of the Rings cards look like dog shit. I can't believe it.

Dude, En's black Eric Arn's black It's just fucking retarded I think Legolas is Asian You know what they should do They should reboot Sesame Street And Sesame Street And make Big Bird black

Well why don't they just make Everyone black in Lord of the Rings Like And the card's black So you can't even read it Just make it Just make all of them black At that point

Write it in Ebonics Why not Petty for 20 Is Fred the Nonberry Bison just a Buffalo Bill joke? No, I don't think they're going that deep. I don't even get that joke.

Drop it. Drop it. Give me. Drop and give me 20 reasons why Buffalo Bill is actually the hero in Silence of the Lambs.

Number one, just wanted to be himself. Number two, all cops are bastards. Number three, they wanted to be himself Number two, all cops are bastards Number three, they had no evidence They had no evidence to indict Buffalo Bill Number four, Buffalo Bill was denied Was denied gender affirming care

By the government, by his senator mother His mom was a senator His mom was a senator, right? Republican senator, probably. Buffalo Bill was a tragic victim. A tragic trans victim. A hero. A hero.

Actually, Honorary Joe. Buffalo Bill was an Honorary Joe. Buffalo Bill would be a good G.I. Joe name honestly It's kind of like that alliteration Buffalo Bill is now a Is now a Joe Go Joe He comes in hey kids

I'd fuck me the more you know I don't think that's a good episode I don't know if that's helpful Alright Uh Petty also wants My stupid little plush toy that I stole 20 years ago from a GameStop episode. I don't know if that's helpful. Alright. Patty also wants my stupid little plush toy that I stole 20 years ago from a GameStop. Manhunt Pookie? Monster Hunter.

Oh, that pig? Yeah, the pig. Yeah, it's a cool pig. It is. Some kid could have had it, I guess. Yeah, they would have had a nice... Whatever. Nobody cares. Riley Edwards for 220 Burn the buffalo No no

We're very proud of The gender non-binary bison Don't God damn it That's right We're all very proud Of Fred the bison Fred the non-binary bison

When you're getting killed By a drone At 30,000 feet You think you care If it's a non-binary bison. When you're getting killed by a drone at 30,000 feet, you think you care if it's a non-binary bison or a binary bison? Vito, you sure don't. You think when we're raining down hell on those rooskies, you think they care

if you chopped your dick off? Now drop and give me 20 reasons you hate having a dick, you white devil. You white devil, that's right. Buffalo Bill, the honorary Jew. I'm so lost in this world. Mike Hunt. Did you know there's an episode of Arthur where they discuss George Floyd?

Jesus fucking Christ. Christina Wade. Was Arthur black? He was an aardvark. Yeah. Was he black coated? He's kind of. Yeah. Was he black-coated? He's kind of black-coated. He is black, right?

He seems blank. I think he's black. Christina Wade for five. I love watching Vito struggle with the reality of the alphabet mafia grooming. Grooming. Okay. David Gomez. We need a sound effect for grooming.

Grooming. We don't need a sound effect. Can we get the Earthworm Jim guy to do it? Grooming Grooming Grooming David Gomez for five Richard making Vito laugh

At Sergeant Slaughter is like watching a parent Hypnotize a toddler with a toy He's trying to keep Vito from self-unaliving Yeah we'll see Petty for five parent hypnotize a toddler with a toy. He's trying to keep Vito from self-unliving. Yeah, we'll see. Petty for five. One must imagine Sergeant Slaughter happy. David Gomez for five. Perfect hold open.

Great rhyme. And Vito's extra sensual intro. This is going to be a good one. And it was. Tywin Lannister for 220. Vito Spadafore. What does that mean? I keep seeing that.

Spadafore? Is that the guy from The Sopranos? Was that his last name? Oh, the gay guy? And the gay one. I don't know. Mike Hunt for five. I got to say.

I don't watch anything gay. If it's gay, I turn it off. No matter what. Well, then you're not supporting our proud bison. Well, I was going to say brothers, but. I hate the military, actually. Mike Hunt says, I got to say, Dick's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles character voices were spot-on Especially Krang thanks people wanted us to animate that one. We got to get an animator 90 you hired a guide

Oh, no, you had a clip guy. Yeah I heard you I talked to a bunch of clip guys and then I didn't follow up with him Cuz I'm a piece of shit I'll get back to some of them. I don't know if we need clips. Do we need clips? Of course. Yeah. Yeah, but maybe we should just have, you know, how they have like separate clip channels that are just

like guys doing it. I don't know, actually. We'll figure it out. If we clip it, we can put it on Twitter and stuff. Yeah, that's true. Alright, we'll figure it out. 98 Skull for 5. Maddox is to 80s girl as Vito is To Magic the Gathering Episodes 82 is the new

Episode 77 RIP biggest Problem in the universe To at least Vito got red Pilled yeah magic's gonna Tear this show apart dick I Gotta go to those Tournaments vegetable spy 94 you don't call someone

Just works at a magic card Store and can just set the Promos aside. Are you still doing it? You're still fucking doing that shit. Vegetable spy for five. The biggest problem in the universe is working for a fed funded business and not being able to get high. Yeah, that's some bullshit.

Mike hunt for five. Hair grafting is taking the hair follicles from the back of your head and implanting in the bald spot. You don't need to go to Dubai to do it. No, but it's way cheaper in Dubai. It's not Dubai. It's but it's way cheaper in Dubai It's not Dubai It's like Turkey or something Whatever It's not fucking Dubai

Well Wherever it is In Mexico it was like 14 grand And wherever this person told me it is If it's Turkey It was like 6 grand Yeah Mike It's cheaper outside of America

It's called medical tourism That's also where I'm going to get them To carve out half my stomach John Rips for 10 Where are my crypto ho-teps? We will rise. I don't know. Well, we'll find them.

Pop quiz for 1999. I wish this was 20. Well, why don't you just donate 2099? And then it will be 20. Then it would be. Fucking cheap ass. Cheap bastard. Cheap fuck.

Thanks for the 1999. Benjamin for five Hey guys States start to implement Shutdowns around St. Paddy's 2020 What are your thoughts On the lockdown Three years later

I was a piece of shit And I hate it It was the worst Yeah Although honestly My life didn't change at all Because I'm already A disgusting shut in

So how can I really My life was ruined And all my friend circles Were destroyed And no one's the same and it's like living in a ghost it does feel like yes I have no friends left they either died or moved away the worst part of the people that hang out with a dick and make this alt-right podcast now the worst part I mean you know what's shocking Is how liberal I actually am I know Like pro gay

Yeah I know Whatever It's like you're all right Like oh which part The coke and the prostitution Yeah And the gay stuff The do whatever you want

Les Faraday Yeah go ahead Were you gonna say something Yeah The worst part about the COVID lockdowns Now are the people who think that somebody fought back. Like, yeah, we wouldn't take any more. It's like, well, yeah, because they already took all the money.

They took everything. What do you think? Do you guys remember what it was? You don't even remember what it was like before. We had small businesses and stuff. Now they're not even allowing small banks anymore. Anyway. Yeah, that's a whole rabbit hole.

I saw one of those banks was too into crypto, so they had to shut them down. Anyway. Yeah, that's a whole rabbit hole. I saw one of those banks was too into crypto, so they had to shut them down. Yeah. That's all. They bailed them out, didn't they, SVB? Yeah, but the other one,

I think. The other one they let go. Yeah. Wow, it's tiny. They weren't being D-I-E enough. D-I-N-F. Tamungo for 220 Canadian. I showed my girlfriend the show

and she loved Scott's cameo. We got to bring back Mr. Scott Adams on the show. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah. Oh. Oh, did she? Yeah.

Your girlfriend loved it. God damn it. I hate Scott Adams. Hi, Scott. How have you been? Oh, well, not as good as black people, Vito. Yeah, they're doing pretty good. I'm not getting any five million dollars.

Well, maybe if they get five million, you're still going to move away from them? Yeah, I'm going to dig a hole. Dig a hole to get away from the black community? Yeah, I'm going to dig it all the way to China. Well, then you're going to be surrounded by Chinese people. And then I'm going to fill the hole with jobs so they don't

follow me. Thanks, Scott. Thanks for chiming in, buddy. SV4550 says, please donate the Super Chat money to black people. I'm going to identify as black for the rest of this episode. They'll get it there. David March

for 11 Canadian. Here's a chat to support the world famous YouTuber Vito. When do I get the link to super killer? Again, I'm aiming for the end of the month to train this month Just to get the campaign running. Oh, yeah, April Fool's Day, right? I gotta make the pitch video. So I gotta figure out where I'm gonna film that Okay, and how I'm gonna film that ideal Mexican you film it at a gay bar. No Ideal Mexican.

Why don't you film it at a gay bar? No. I would like to film it somewhere other than my dirty apartment, but I don't know where the fuck I'm going to film it. Why don't you film it in front of the green screen or something? I could. No, green screens look shitty. I don't know. I'll figure something out.

You're saying Star Wars looks shitty? Everything looks shitty. Ideal Mexican for 20 American dollars. I know why you're no jumper episode. It took time to come out for fuck's sake. They bleeped out every other word. Also, I feel like a real dingus for buying two copies of Winter's Drink two days before the app came out. Well, the physical version's better.

I mean, I like physical things. The app is fun, though. They bleeped out our... They bleeped out that word? Destiny said some stuff that got bleeped out. I don't know what he said, though. Why? I don't know. They bleeped out our, they bleeped out that word? Destiny said some stuff that got bleeped out. I don't know what he said, though. Why?

I don't know. There's like some stuff that got said that definitely there were bleeps and people were commenting on it. But I didn't rewatch the whole episode because I was there. So I don't know exactly what got bleeped. I didn't even know how to act on that show because I'm like, man, like, I don't, I don't know what I can or can't say. Yeah, there's no topic. I think we made the best of it. Well, we didn't accuse Adam of being a pedophile. No, so we clearly did better than whoever that fucking guy was

who went on the show. Claptrap for 10. Vito, can you shoplift one-piece boosters for me? I'll buy them. Absolutely. Petty for 5. There's a particular 20th century German statesman who would... Okay.

The guy that was running against Hitler. Yeah, he would agree with me. He had an opponent that really messed up. His name was Jittler. Do you think the guy that was running against Hitler for Chancellor was like, oh man, I really wish I would have... I really wish I had tried a little harder.

I wish I would have changed my slogan. I should have spoke a little more forcefully. Do you think Jews are their... He had a reverse Hitler mustache. It was just on the left and right side. Nothing here. And there was a big gap in the middle. And he's like, I really thought that look was going to get him. Should have went the other way with it.

You're welcome for 20 American dollars. How likely would it be to get any of the Comptown Boys or Sam Hyde on the show as a guest? I'm going to say next to impossible. Oh, I don't know. Really? They'd probably come on. If the show grows. That's why I keep telling you guys Tell your friends about this show

The only way we can get good guests Yeah All these guys do Is when you go Hey do you want to be on my podcast Is they look at The numbers The Twitter and the Patreon

And the YouTube And they go No Cause you only have 10,000 subscribers Like that's it. That's the end of the game. If the show grows, we can get at fucking everybody. But you got to tell your friends about the show and keep super chatting.

Riley Edwards for 550. The amount Vito complains at shop lifts, he should be eligible for the 5 million you voted for this. Fuck you. Get it? Yeah, I get it. It was a racist assumption made about a certain community. Soul2X for 199. Libertarian Vito. Ayn Rand Vito. Yeah, I get it. It was a racist assumption made about a certain community. Sold two acts for $199. Libertarian veto.

Ayn Rand veto. Child mine veto. Put them in a mine, folks. That's what I always say. Put them in a mine. We got a couple other great super chats here. Turkey Tom. Turkey Tom is here for $20.

And he says, I'm gay, Tom. What a brave admission. What a weird thing to say, and I'm serious. Did you see that? And I'm serious. Did Sneeko have Turkey Tom in his compilation of soy faces? Oh, really? And then he took him out, I think. Why?

Because Sneeko's afraid of him. What do you mean? I don't even get what's going on with Sneeko. What did Sneeko do? I don't know, but's going on with Sneeko. What did Sneeko do? I don't know, but he's the most easily groomed man in the world. Yeah. So if you have an acoustic guitar, if you have a little bit of salt and pepper in your facial hair, you can pretty much make Sneeko do or believe in anything. Is he like one of those guys who keeps simping for Andrew Tate?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's like a who's screwing who move. Like, I don't know, because he's simping for Andrew Tate to get his fans. Right. Because I assume that Sneako assumes

he'll be in. A lot of people right now are trying to take all of Andrew Tate's fans. Someone's doing somebody, and I can't use the words, so I can't communicate what's happening. But Tate's doing it to Sneeko And Sneeko's doing it to Tate

Because they want to have the most retards Whoever has the most retards Gets to go to Islamic heaven As it turns out Well, I must clarify Turkey Tom did not say that he's gay We love Turkey Tom Yeah, he said I'm an F-slur

I'm an F-slur is what he said Carafro for 10 Another great episode Thank you Carefro, our beloved moderator On the John for 11 Canadian Did they charge Are Canadians getting charged an extra dollar now Because of the exchange rate?

I don't know All the Canadian dollar amounts are up a dollar From where they normally are But he says take my money You British cigarettes Wow, cool Top of the morning to you, F slur Mike Hunt for two.

Vito, did you read The Mighty Mutanimals? No. What's that? Just probably one of many. Let me look it up

with my mouse. One of many. Do you think it's cool that we both have mice? Dueling mouses. It's very, it's probably one of those. My keyboard died

because I spilled one too many beers on it. Yeah. So I had to buy a new one and then I got the new one and the mouse still worked It's like oh man Vito's gonna love this Double mice Mighty mutanimals

It's probably one of the millions of TMNT clones And it definitely is What was the one that was like tattooed Space no tattooed teenage Something from Beverly Hills Looks like shit Yeah, they all look like shit I remember that little stingray looking guy though

What about street sharks? You remember that? Street sharks were cool I was looking at Battletoads the other day I'm like, Battletoads could have been cool, but the plot was stupid The Battletoads were kids who got sucked Into the Battletoads universe I was like, no No, that's bad

It should have just been cool toads that were fighting guys. The chick needed to have bigger tits, too. She had pretty big tits. They weren't bad. Yeah, something was off with her. They had a lot going

for the Battletoads. They fucked it up. They made a bad pilot where it was kids getting sucked into the Battletoads universe when it should have just been cool toads

who fight guys in space. But Captain N was getting sucked in and that was a good show. Yeah, because he was a human who became himself in the game verse. He didn't turn into a different character. That's true. What about biker mice from Mars? That was good.

That was okay. Swat cats. Swat cats. That was a good show. The TMNT really inspired a lot of furries. Derivative furries. You know what? Okay, but there's a lot of furries, but there are no turtle furries. Oh, there are. No, but do you see people at the furry convention dressed as TMNT

guys? Yeah, kicking the shit out of all the... No, you don't. They're like, they're not... Look at that poop in the diaper. And they make the sounds like in the arcade game. Psh, psh, psh, psh. Wah! The furries do not gravitate towards the turtle characters. There's not a lot.

Guys don't have like a turtle's fetish, really. I'm sure there's some guys, but most of the furries gravitate towards, again, Lola Bunny and who else? Because they're not mammals. It's hard to have a, like, where's their wiener? The reptile aspect of the furry community seems very underrepresented. There are a few scalies, as they call them, but they're not too popular. If they are, they're like gay dragons.

We should go to a furry convention as Teenage Mutant Turtles and just do, like, black face paint and say it's supposed to be green. We got the wrong... We bought it. It said green on the thing And it ended up being black And do like a tie And then have like a A thing from Home Depot

A sled Or from Target On our backs You're like We're furries too Anyone have a diaper We could shit on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I don't know why The diapers are so Beloved by the furry community Our good friend Nick For 999 Says I hated how fat Dick looked On that no jumper thumbnail But Vito looked spot on

Because of course I looked like a big fat idiot as well I think this mouse of mine Might need charging It blinks out? No no it does that It pauses for a little bit It's bothered me for years I don't know why I didn't buy a new one.

I'll just refresh. We'll see if there's any more super chats, but we want to thank everybody who came by. All our fans, the show keeps growing and getting better and better. Don't forget, you can join us at patreon.com slash biggest problem. L J Cabrino for 10.

Dick and Vito, you two are hilarious. If you two were both a dictator of your own island, what rules would you enforce? Also, I would be honored to try and animate you both and be Vito's comic apprentice. Jesus Christ, that's a lot. Rules on my island?

No anti-Semitism. Five million dollars to every black person. That would be number one. Number one. Absolutely. This is the least anti-Semitic country in the world. My island is going to be only anti-Semitism. And we're going to...

Oh, we're going to war! Palestine, too! And that's the story of Palestine, Israel, in a nutshell. On the John for 11 Canadian dollars, are you guys excited for MDE World Peace II? I'm excited to see if Mr. Sam Hyde can prove what he's worth to the world. I hope he's proven that. I was glad that he made amends with Charles. It was nice to him.

Those guys were fighting for a while. They didn't realize it. Yeah, and Charles had like a drunken meltdown recorded. About what? Just saying Sam's a piece of shit? Just like general, you know, entertainment. Oh, so like how our show is going to fall apart. Well, neither of us Are writers

Thank god Writers have their own Kind of like Nihilistic Okay I'm writing A comic is a pamphlet Shut up

It's not a pamphlet Superkiller.org Sign up for the mailing list Biggestproblem.show Vote on the problems Patreon.com Slash biggest problem Show me our top supporters

For the month Also from Backed.by Slash biggest problem Sign up To listen to slash biggest problem Show me our top supporters for the month Also from backed.by Slash biggest problem Sign up to listen to the biggest problem in Malio And Please Happy St. Patrick's Day

Don't drink You better drink Even if you're sober Yes Goodbye Bye Boop I should have an outro song