The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 83

Episode Date: March 25, 2023

Loud Music at Bars, Whiny Waiters, Compelled Speech, Transphobia

Alright, let's see if it's working. We're not live, are we? No. I've been recording, though. I usually put extra spicy stuff on the MP3 download. That's fine, that's fine. You just don't want the video, so you can say it's a deepfake. It fucking superimposed me, man.

It's a deepfake. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on there. Alright, let's see if it's working. I should have tested it before I hit go live, huh? Nah, it's fine. That would have been the easy way to do it Test one, one, two Test the volume

Sounds good to me It works Good job, Penny David says, I thought Vito couldn't do the show Because he had to go to a Magic the Othering tournament He's right Pulled him out of it Why am I here?

Why are you here? I could be playing Magic cards With my boys Is that what you guys call each other? At the Magic? Big Duncan and Who were you guys call each other at the Magic? Big Duncan and Marty the Hood. Who were you shitting on right before we started? Wait, who?

Marty the Hood. You have a guy at your... Marty the Hood. I'm making... Yeah, because... Why is he the Hood? Because he wears a big hooded cloak, you know, because he's the Dungeon Master. Oh.

Yeah. You disrespect your Dungeon Master like that? Call him Marty the Hood? Make fun of him like like that call Marty the hood make fun of him like That to make fun of him it's that it's It's it's a one of his prominent Features you give people nicknames based On their prominent features like I Remember in the magic community calls me

Big dick Chiswoldy you know because You're an asshole every time I win a Game I whip out my huge penis and I just Slap it down on the table and I go, that's what happens when you mess. Eat up, boys. Eat up. Eat hearty, boys. Me boys.

Eat up, me hearties. Let's walk this, you idiots. You did that in Magic the Gathering? Magic the Gathering, yeah. Wow, you played penis magic like in South Park? Mm-hmm. Cock magic. Some fucking idiot said that my Sergeant Slaughter was just a ripoff of PC Principal.

Oh, no. Why don't you just kill yourself, man? So you didn't like PC Principal or what? Is that what you're saying? Oh, such a derivative bit. What other show is doing? All right, man. Yeah, it's a Conan O'Brien bit, you shithead.

Actually, that's where I ripped it off. Conan O'Brien, not South Park, you fucking Philistine. Although there was one person who left a comment. I don't know if they're a normal listener, if they just somehow stumbled upon it. Yeah. We put it up as a clip. Yeah. And their comment was basically like, I don't get what the joke is.

Children, non-binary children exist, and they just want to be in them like. That's the joke Right there You nailed it I need a rhyme I need a rhyme Wet sleeves And some of these

Pet peeves Pet peeves What was it What were last week's problems Wet sleeves Free market haters Horrible problem Shut up

What was the Wet sleeves And hoarding these Okay that's There you go That's terrible Good rhyme I did the fucking rhyme What was the wet sleeves and hoarding these? Okay, there you go. That's terrible. Good rhyme. I did the fucking rhyme. All right.

So I'll do the crime. The biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. Get out of the first! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe! The only show that makes every problem in the universe from one sleeve to hoarding D's. Nuts. I'm your host, Nick Mattson.

Joining us, joining me as always, is Vito Giswaldi. Hi, Dave. It's a good rhyme. Hoarding D's. Nuts. Yeah, you nailed it. Hoarding D's. Nuts. Nailed it

Alright Will you come up with a rhyme then That quickly Green beer and Too many queers Yeah exactly Cancel Cancel

Great satirical rhyme That we would never say You have the list of problems in front of you I don't remember them You don't remember? Reparations? Rhyme that one Okay

Blacks having money. Blacks with cash and green on your ass. Washing your ass. Washing your ass. Yeah, okay. Whatever. Terrible rhyme. Ready?

Yes. Bro. Oh, big upset last week in the problem. Fuck you. Washing your hands with long sleeves, Vito. I'm quitting the show. This is it. I'm done.

I go, I research an entire, you know, topical news story. I get all the facts and figures. Always topical, washing your hands with sleeves. He goes, you ever get like wet hands, the hands are wet And then you get down On your sleeves Do it Everyone in your audience Bunch of fucking Gibbering monkeys

Everyone in my audience Every one time I wash Yeah your audience The veto files did not vote for that That was all dickheads They don't vote They don't do anything They just sit around complaining

And getting stumped They probably just banged On their keyboard And accidentally hit The fucking vote button For the stupid wet sleeves problem Veto files love Thinking of arguments That are only one step In front of them accidentally hit the fucking vote button for the stupid wet sleeves veto files love thinking of

arguments that are only one step in front of them and they can't see further than they think free market haters great problem hoarding is good like is good and capitalism and then you say what about hand sanitizer and their heads explode i hate you so much. This fucking show is so stupid. Washing your hands with long sleeves. Number one. Because it's a big problem. Yeah. It's really knocking them down. I hope that goes to number one on the list. Reparation retardation. Should have been number one.

No, because everyone in this audience loves black people and wants them to have more money so they can buy cornstarch And eat it For some reason I forgot about that whole Yeah there's been a whole week Of black people

Culinary techniques Has been The topic of discussion Wow you guys really shouldn't Have fucked up that White lady's spice thing Huh Cause she kind of

Wrecked your whole world Huh Now we know about The cornstarch shit Uh oh For those of you Who aren't aware There's a video of a white lady who made some chicken. Yeah. And the black community, black Twitter or whatever, was like, ooh, look at this.

White woman don't use no spices. That is, I definitely disavow that, what you're doing right now. What? That is, that is a- That's how they sounded in the video I watched. That's what she sounded like. That does not matter. She's going,

look at this white bitch and he's using old goddamn spices and I was like- I saw the same video and I'm like, actually, we,

this lady's not using any spices at all. Oh, that's true. There was that video. Yeah. Actually, in the black community- Oh, my name is Idris Albert.

In the black community, we use spices like this. Spices are so- Spices are so, spices are so important to the cooking of poultry in the African American. Oh man, they really fucking stumped themselves.

Big win for white ladies this week. There's a big argument over who cooks better, white people or black people, and it's become a very contentious, slightly racist fight. White people aren't eating bricks of cornstarch. I know that. Okay, what is that?

I didn't watch those. I saw a thumbnail of a black woman about to eat a spoonful of cornstarch. Why? Just for fun? I need to be on Rumble to answer that question. I can't answer that. Can I be our new go-to? Be like, I'd have to be on Rumble

To talk about that Unfortunately Maybe I'll be on Nick's Ricada show tonight Maybe I'll explain it there You can explain I'm not gonna explain I'm fucking YouTube

Washing their chicken With tissue That's normal That's not normal See You're Hispanic That's what Hispanic and you Are saying

That's normal Well Hispanics Yeah we throw it in the dryer. Yeah. It's a washing machine. I dump all my chicken in there, throw a couple Tide Pods in, put it on the heat cycle. Got to really get that chicken clean. All right.

So number one was washing your hands. Reparations. Number two. Yeah. Free market haters. Another great problem that I researched. You should have just said yes. The hand sanitizer is a big, it was okay.

All you have to do to win is go, yes, my problem is actually yes. Hand sanitizer, hoard away. I am a, as a leftist, I believe you can have a system and the system can have checks and balances. That's retarded. There can be regulations and the system will still function with common sense exceptions to the rule. When has that ever worked,

where a system has had checks and balances and it worked out? No system works. We're all fucked. It doesn't matter. And last place. Not drinking on St. Patrick's Day. Not drinking on St. Patrick's Day.

So at least you came in dead lives with one prong, because that was a terrible prong. It doesn't cancel each other out. Because it's kind of your fault for not buying beer Lambertar Says the problem with Mario 2 Is that this is about our bonus episode The biggest problem in Mario

Yeah the problem with Mario 2 is that Japan made it Specifically for North American people Because they thought we sucked too much to play the real Mario 2 Same thing with You know what did I say in the bonus episode That somebody was going to try and give you the history of Mario 2. And he fucked it up. He did fuck it up.

And guess what? I'm not going to correct it because I hate hearing the true story of Mario 2. I don't know, man. I'm getting like that little like thing. Roger Rabbit. No, that feeling when somebody won't correct the information. I'm like, oh, but you got to say something. Da, da, da, da, da.

Two bits, right? Yeah, I know what you're saying. Rev, go to patreon.com slash biggest problem to get the bonus episode. And back.by slash biggest problem. I don't know why I'm the one more promoting your stupid little thing than you. Unseemly when I do it. Okay. Rev said you could visually see the expression of Vito

accepting defeat for his Girl Scout cookie problem when he was asked about the hand sanitizer hoarders. Shut up. I did not accept defeat. I think the free market can have regulations and still be a free market. Odd. It's not odd. It's literally

fine. If we had a complete, we're not going down. There's a whole other problem. There's a whole other... Let's just sell poison. Let's sell poison to children, and the free market will correct it. We do sell poison and sell it to children. Good.

You're right. Let's give every kid a Tide Pod and a knife. Well, a kid can go to the store and buy Tide Pods. I don't know if you don't know that, but children can go to a lot of places and buy poison. Sure. They can buy bleach. I don't know why you think that's impossible. They can't buy, and that's good. I'm glad that a kid can't buy a gun

because that would be weird. Why are you glad about that? Because if a six-year-old... Where's your kid going to get $600? I don't know. Maybe he finds it on Daddy's night table and he walks into the gun store. You think Daddy's not going to have a gun on's night table And he walks into the gun store You think daddy's not gonna have A gun on that night table I just

I just think If a kid walks into your gun store And wants to buy a gun You have a way to say No I'm not gonna sell a gun To a six year old You had that already Yeah but

Just saying no Eh well You can also just Do it Illegally I'm okay with some Free market regulations But they don't work

They work. They're working now. They're helping keep the entire system from collapsing. Name one that works. Not the gun one, because I just disproved that and debunked it. False advertising is against the law. That's good. Like what?

Like Gatorade having those big fat broads and yoga outfits? Look, I'm not saying that there aren't ways around certain regulations, but clearly the regulations should be strengthened rather than weakened. Oh, Jesus. I can't go on eBay and— Alan Smith. Forget it. Adam Smith.

Just get to— You can't go on eBay and what, sell anything? Because they can just say— Go, oh, this is working fine, and then sell it, and it turns out it's a big broken box of pieces, and I go, oh, buyer beware. I can say whatever I want And that's the free market

Well no You have to You know Properly label your goods And you have to have A list of ingredients On the back So nobody

Gets you know Oh yeah Everybody's real Nobody with allergies Look at these fucking ingredients People with allergies Need that To make sure

They don't have a Fucking epileptic attack Or fucking Eat a peanut by accident Oh peanuts Are in this beer. Oh, man. I better not drink that.

Well, maybe there are peanuts in that beer and people would know if it's on the label. Okay. Ryan Gay says, Vito should set up a Kickstarter for hair plugs. I know I'd donate money. Well, I mean, it would be funny. It's not Dubai. I figured it was Turkey. Turkey. Yeah, that's what I said. That's not what you said. Yes, it would be funny. It's not Dubai. I figured it was Turkey. Turkey.

Yeah, that's what I said. That's not what you said. Yes, it is. Play the tape. Well, maybe it's not Turkey. I gotta look it up. It's fucking Turkey. I gotta look it up right now.

Why do you think I don't remember it? I read that whole dumb article you sent and looked up like a bunch of guys that were doing before and after. I need this. I need this part. Hair plugs right here in my head just like three square inches of hair plugs right there let me see take it from this side maybe because i got too much over there okay he does istanbul not turkey where's istanbul well it's not constance

and opal i'll tell you that uh on the John says The who black-faced who bit Was hilarious, I could see It getting you out of so many different Situations Like what? Like awkward dinners Business meetings Or Thanksgiving

You're in a business meeting and it's not going that good And you go, I gotta go to the bathroom real quick Come in here with me. No, no, no. You gotta bring two guys in. Yeah, it's always two guys because you fight over who did it. This guy put blackface on me. It's better if you get a guy that isn't in on it

because then you blackface him and blackface yourself and then you can run out and play it up and he's telling the truth, but it's like, who's the imposter, right? He fucking blackfaced me. He grabbed me and took me in there and put blackface in. He's like, no, that's not what happened. That happened. That guy did that to me.

Oh, that's what he would say. He's fucking stealing my story about the blackface. I knew he would do it. I knew he would do it. I even wrote it down on a piece of paper before I went to the bathroom that he would do this. Flip over the piece of paper. Like it does say this on the piece of paper. He goes, what?

That's because it's his plan. He's like, that's not what the paper said. Look at his backpack. And there's a bunch of pictures of black guys, you know, to test makeup on. It's like, why would he have that if he wasn't testing his makeup skills? Alright. It's a perfect bit that we invented.

I don't know if it's a perfect bit. Kids, do it at graduation. Graduation, come out on stage. Do it at graduation. graduation the principal blackface you you have to start fighting though in earnest like you have to fight for a little bit before someone grabs you and then you start spinning yeah it's just one of those classic bits that everyone knows uh i think it happened in castello did the who blackface too right yeah that's the only blackface who well who's the one that did the blackface well did the who blackface too, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's an old Abedin Costello. Who blackface who?

Well, who's the one that did the blackface? Well, who did he blackface? Tyrone's on first. Exactly. Reggie's on second. Tyrone's playing point. Guard. I don't know any basketball terms.

Neither do I. Young said, I don't know if you've been told. Oh, I think he's doing Sarge and Slaughter. Hold on. Let me see. Do I have one? I don't know if you've been told. Oh, I don't want to doge and Slaughter. Hold on. Let me see. Do I have one? I don't know if you've been told. Oh, I don't want to do that one.

This one. Here we go. Studio mode. Wait, who? I don't know. I don't. Wait a minute. I don't know if you've been told.

Vaccination helps the old. Sound off. Sound off for all your vaccinations, Vito. No. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. I don't have that many vaccinations.

I have two vaccinations. That's it. Leave me alone. All right. I should get triple vaxxed. Thanks for reminding me. This is from Mr. Magic Al. Here's a vote it down. You can mention to Vito about demographic dummies, trends and demographics. It's not vote it down. You can mention to Vito about demographic dummies, trends in demographics. It's not just snapshot data.

65 years ago, the USA was 90% European. Get it? In the bathroom? Today, it's 60%. What do you think about that? For demographic dummies? White erasure? Is that what's happening?

I don't know what kind of erasure. 98% in British was European, and today it's less than 70. Well, we're all interbreeding, so it's still... Oh, that's pretty fast. French, 95%. Today it's 60%. That's a lot of breeding. That's an upside.

Get that French blood out of this country. That's a lot. That's a big change. That is a big change. How are there so many French... Well, a lot of different groups have come here for good reasons, you know? Good reasons for whom? Well, a lot of Germans were escaping the war in the 40s, so that's good.

No, not Nazis. Oh, Jews. I would say mostly Jews, probably. You know, some other Germans came over, though. Check that foreskin. I was reading an interesting Article you know That we used to actually

Have a lot of like Proud German identities In this country You know You'd be like Oh there's the German District of town And then World War II hit

And everyone's like I don't know I'm not German I'm just Tom Sackowitz And I like to have fun And drink a beer Oh

So we lost our We lost our German communities Thanks to World War II That's a bummer I'll just address Drink a beer Oh So we lost our We lost our German communities Thanks to World War II Uh That's a bummer Uh I'll just address I'm looking for the

I'm looking for the drop box Go ahead Yeah go ahead I'll address something I heard On the Dick Show Which uh We had Chrissy Marr on As a guest

On the show Yeah Thought it went fine I think some people Wanted us to like I don't know Get into like a fight Or something

Vote it up Sorry sorry But I was like I was like I was like I don't know, get into like a fight or something. Vote it up. Sorry, sorry, sorry. But I was like, I was like, I was like, I don't know if she's going to be a guest on the show. Yeah. Good. Yeah.

You know, uh, anyway, so afterwards. What happened? Are you fighting now? No, we're not. I don't know. Maybe we are. Cause what do you call it? She had a standup show and she said to us, yeah, it's going to be at an Elks club, right?

Elks Lodge. Elks Lodge. And I was like, oh, it's going to be at an Elks Club, right? Elks Lodge. Elks Lodge. And I was like, oh, that's cool. I love going to an Elks Lodge, like a nice little whatever you want to call it. Nice. Nice little area. Yeah, something that's been there for a while, like a cool hangout for old guys or whatever. Nice community stuff happens there.

So she's like, so come to my cool show at the Elks Lodge. And then the night of the show, I'm like, all right, well, let me see where this place is. And I go, well, that can't be right. Because I brought it up on Google. And it's just some dude's shitty house in the middle of nowhere that has been dressed up as a bar and has like a stupid sign in front that says it's a fucking the Sunset Lodge or whatever. Right. And I was like, I don't know. Should I go?

And then I looked at more pictures and there was like five seats at the bar. I assumed it was going to be all like fucking plastic lawn chair seating or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, I got it. Was it? Was it plastic lawn chairs? Yeah. Okay. I was like, you know what?

I got some work I got to do. Oh, okay. Oh, you had to do work at home? I did. What were you working on? I was working on Super Killer, to be honest. Okay. Not to be anything else And decided

I don't know I felt bad But then you said You were at the bar with her And I tried to rush over there But you guys left too early Or whatever I didn't get

I didn't get your text in time Anyway the narrative What's the point of this You didn't come The point is yes I flaked Because I'm a piece of shit But also it was a shitty venue

And then Chrissy Mayer I guess And what was this She went on Who are these podcasts And she said That I'm afraid of her Maybe you are

And I think Carl suggested I'm afraid of women I am Because I didn't want to go To a shitty stand up Show In the middle of Fucking

The ghetto Of Pasadena I mean Pasadena's alright But They were washing chicken At that place How sanitary was that It looked like the ghetto of Pasadena. I mean, Pasadena's alright, but... Oh, they were washing chicken at that place. How sanitary was that? It looked like the shittiest shithole venue. What do you mean?

It's just a box. You go to a party there. What are you talking about? Yeah, it was like a shitty, scuzzy house party. It wasn't a house party. She told me it was like an elk's lodge, and I was like excited. Well, it wasn't, but why do you...

You need like this nice, like, you need like the Titanic rolled out for you to go and see a comedy show? Okay. Also though, like I hate most, like, like, I don't know who was on, how good was the comedy? Come on. Don't say something like that. That's crazy.

How good was the standup really? Chrissy was fantastic. I'm sure Chrissy was great. Chrissy was fantastic I'm sure Chrissy was great Chrissy was great But I was gonna have to sit through four or five like It's Monkey Monroe here to bring the laughs And he's got like That's the worst thing that ever happened to you

It's all like 50 year old dudes Doing like terrible fucking stand up There was no 50 year old dudes Was it young guys doing the comedy? I think it was mostly women It was a lot of women comedians. I really missed out. I just was like, you know what?

It's going to be a shitty show. As I said to you, I was like. Why would you say this? Why would you say it's going to be a shitty show? I'm sure Chrissy was fine. I'm sure the rest of the show. How was she? She was fantastic.

How was everybody else? They were also there Yeah, they were also there Alright So They were great What do you want me to say? The theory that

It's a comedy show Okay It's not all It's a comedy show People are doing real things in real life There are friends that you know there That you can interact with And build this gay community

That you were complaining about not having the very prior week or next week. I get it. Okay, look. Maybe I should have went, but. Why didn't you go? I didn't go because it looked like a shitty venue and it was going to be shitty, like, local stand-up. I don't believe you. When she said it was like, I thought it was like a cool show with like a bunch of like, you know, her buddies or something.

It was like, no, it was a shitty bringer show in a shack full of like a bar with five seats selling $50 cocktails. But why wouldn't you go? Like you've never gone to something you just don't. You want to go to Friday Night Magic, but you wouldn't go to Chrissy Mayer's show? I would much rather go to Friday Night Magic than, and again, not because it's a Chrissy Mayer show. I will see Chrissy Mayer.

I should have went to like see her at like the fucking comedy store or something. That would have been nice But it was just some fucking shack in the woods It's funny It would look terrible Anyway I don't think that's why though You think I didn't go because I'm intimidated

Well because you just didn't want to like You know Be in that bad blood Like I don't know if you are mad at me And it's uncomfortable Like that I think that Had something to do

With it I talked about that I don't know if I talked About it on the show Where I was like I don't know if she Actually wants me to come Or if it's just like

A polite nicety Or whatever Of course she wants you To come See that's the weird That's the thing You have to get over That's the thing

I don't think You have gotten over Maybe you didn't go Because the venue Wasn't up to your standard That was I would have went If it was a cool venue

Like that's the thing I was like well Even if Chrissy Mayer Hates my guts At least I'm drinking At the fucking Elks Club Or whatever And instead it's

No just some Sunset lodge The sunset lodge Yeah the sun set there A long time ago But our show Was at some kid's backyard And that kid was throwing up

Yeah but that's our show And we're scumbags, so that's fine. But what if Chrissy- And our show sucked. No. See, now you're just being negative to cover your ass. Yeah. You should have come.

Carl Spitali was there. Was Carl there? Star Wars girl was there. Wait, Star Wars girl was there? Yeah. Well, then that's good. I didn't go, because I don't think she definitely doesn't like me. I don't think she likes me now either.

Oh, wait. What'd you say to her? Well, I walked. She's hot, right? Yeah. So I was like, who the fuck is this hot bitch woman at the bar all night? And then I walked over to say, oh, good job to, I don't know, Lila Hart or something, I think.

And she said, you're Nick Rikita's friend, aren't you? Yeah. That annoyed me a little bit. Nick Rikita's my friend, bitch. I made him. I said, yeah, who are you? And she goes, I'm Star Wars girl. I said, oh my God,

you're so much hotter in person. I mean, you're hot online, don't get me wrong. You're hot online, but in person. Hotter. I said something like that And then I was like

I'm gonna quit While I'm ahead Okay so I should've Shown up to be awkward Around women And make them hate us more That would've been good They love that shit

She's probably Fucking finger blasting it out Even as me Retelling this story You're right I guess the moral of the story is I'm afraid of women And confrontation Yeah I think you are I'm not I tried to go to the story is I'm afraid of Benjamin and confrontation

Yeah I think you are I'm not I tried to go to the bar afterwards when he texted me You guys left after like 40 minutes Because it sucked Yeah well the venue probably sucked and the bar probably sucked more It sucked but it was fun Was it fun? Yes I don't believe you

Why would a show not be fun in a shitty venue Because I've been to so many shitty stand up shows And you just gotta listen to these terrible jokes It's the venue You keep saying Shitty show But the venue is fun If the venue sucks

The comics at the venue Usually also suck Usually yeah But Because they can't get This is Chrissy from out of town They have to get D-rate guys

Or cancelled losers Like Chrissy And I'm just fucking around That was a joke That's a joke I'm just fucking around Anyway I'm not afraid of Chrissy I like Chrissy And I'm just fucking around That was a joke That's a joke I'm just fucking around Anyway

I'm not afraid of Chrissy I like Chrissy more She should come to Philadelphia Well the venue's nice At least She'll have that to go She can

Carl's there Her actual friend Carl Spitali And No Carl Who are these podcasts Yeah Well they're like

Yeah they're all Friends of Kumia And, you know. All right, was this your big, like, setting the record straight? I don't know. Do you think you set it straight? When I hear people on a podcast going, Vito is just intimidated by strong, powerful women, I go, I just didn't want to go to a shitty stand-up.

Yeah, but that's why you have to, so they don't get that narrative out there. Next time I will Torture myself By going to one of these That's why I said that To Star Wars girl Because I don't want to Getting out there

That I'm intimidated Next time she's in town I'll go to I gotta get the dates I'll go to the comedy store Or whatever I'll go to like a nice Club or something

I don't want to go to The Sunset fucking lodge It looks like shit And I had shit to do. Oh, yeah. I did. I did shit. So many reasons.

Fuck you, whatever. All right. Point is, Dick, you know what you got. Does that mean it's time for- Yes, it's time to vote it up. Okay. Okay. Wow.

Cool. Because you're not voting at all. We like when Vito is bald. Well, what would you expect with a penis so small? What? I'm on Twitter. I like big days. Waiting.

Swatting and no-knock rain. And I know you're just like Andrew Tate and want to be manly. So vote it up before I go and kill your whole family. We got to see who wins. Vito or Master Sin. Go do it or I'll chop off kill your whole family. We gotta see who wins. Veto or Master Sin. Go do it or I'll chop off all your limbs. What you going for? Oh, yeah.

Before you make me get off, I'm gonna go kill your mom. Vote it up. Before you make me get real sad and I shoot your dad. BiggestFonten.show. Oh, my God. That's great Wow

The bar has been set very high by the audience Fat Lip I think that was That was Fat Lip and uh God I should have Crumpled up my page though Gonna have to look up who sent us that one again Fat Lip Yeah but who sent it in to the show

Oh that's not his name? No his name's not Fat Lip It's the name of the song I'll bring it up Another mess up again Another screw up Malort to the show. Oh, that's not his name? No, his name's not Fallon. It's the name of the song. I'll bring it up. Another mess up. Another screw up. Malort. Malort sent it in. Malort sent it in. Well, thank you, Malort. Wait, I think. Yeah, Malort.

Alright. Oh, man. I have Vita's Twitter, too. Fuck. God damn it. This show's got too many bits. Well, Dick, here on Voted Up, we talk about past problems which need to be addressed. Of course, you remember the problem of the gas stove ban. Yeah. Which is currently taking place across our nation.

Well, now New York is getting in on it as New York state lawmakers are poised to enact the nation's first legislative ban on gas and fossil fuel appliances in most new buildings, including single family homes. in most new buildings, including single-family homes. Now, what's interesting is New York will be the first to take the step through legislative action, where California and Washington have done so through building codes. These proposals face opposition from fossil fuel companies, business groups, and home builders. At least we're getting fucked in the mouth in New York instead of up the ass, right? Yeah, at least it's like- At least it's a law.

They got to make a lawns that are just creeping it up on you. Yeah, well, it's in the building codes. We updated the building are just like Creeping it up on you Yeah Oh for the building codes We updated We can't have weed in your house We updated the building codes Yeah Okay So New York's climate law

Has mandated steep emission reductions In the coming years With a goal of achieving Net zero emissions by 2050 So they're not just gonna Take away your gas stoves They're gonna chop off Your fucking hands buddy

You're not gonna You're not to be able to make any emissions. I know. I remember a lot of people telling me how crazy and dumb I was for thinking they were coming for your gas stoves. Who told you that? When was this? Liberals. Well.

It's like, all right, well, I mean, I know that they're coming for the gas stoves, so. They're making exceptions for restaurants, though. That's at least a step forward. That's nice. If the power's out, I can always walk down to the

bodega and eat their cat. Throw it on the stove. Stop ripping on bodegas. Don't vote

up bodegas. Vote up the gas stove ban. We did play this between every voted up that you

have. Do you have the other ones? I'm saving those Alright I'm not gonna do that I'm saving those For what a future show? Because everyone gets excited and then they pump them out

And then you play them all and you're like oh shit now I got none Well don't forget you can send in your stingers To biggestproblemshow At gmail.com Another great problem Probably one more pertinent to talking about this one recently, is celebrity bands from episode 55. Well, interestingly, journalist and musician Tim Pool announced earlier this month his band Timcast has had their entire music library removed from band camp.

The singer says he believes he was targeted for his political views, but it's more likely his music was pulled because it sucks balls. Thankfully, Timcast has brought us a new single, which dropped, I believe... That's right, Vito. I've been persecuted against. I've been persecuted against because of my talking about

the financial issues and the divorce. Tim, come on. Vito, Vito, Vito, Vito. There's nothing that brings my, there's nothing that brings the right more together than my music. There's nothing that brings

the right more together than my music. I don't think. Are you ready for the Civil War? Vito, are you ready for the Civil War? The Civil War. It's always the Civil War

with you. Use promo code TimCast to get five bucks off your beanie, your apocalypse beanie, and your coffee. And your quartering coffee is five bucks off

the $50 price tag for the Civil War. Okay. $50 price tag For the Civil War Okay Alright I know the Civil War is coming And the liberals And whatever else And the

Whatever Are you ready for the Trans-Civil War? You know they're going after our kids Yeah I know I know I know I know But

Hey Vito Do you want me to play my music? Do you want me to play my music right now Vito? Do you really have to play the music? Do you understand where we're at? I'm a disaffected liberal Vito You know okay I know how it works on both sides Okay I know how it works on both sides you understand where we're at? I'm a disaffected liberal, Vito. Yeah. I know how it works on both sides, okay?

I know how it works on both sides. And I know we're ready for a civil war. I know there's a total systemic collapse, so get your credit card out and give me $5. Okay? Now get ready to hear my song. Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? What's the name of your song, Tim?

Bright Eyes. Bright Eyes. That's ironic, Vito. Do you even know what that is, Armin? Bright Eyes. It's about the loss of bright is it's about that It's about the loss of innocence It's about my personal loss of innocence that I had while writing this music because I was writing this music and halfway through I realized

This music fucking sucks Anyway, yeah anyway, what am I gonna play? What am I gonna play guitar for my chickens for the rest of my life? No, I gotta get it out there. I gotta get out there The Civil War get out there. I gotta I gotta jack this music off and I gotta come all over the audience. Okay? Okay, listen to this what? Oh, yeah, all right. Let's fucking play it then there. I gotta jack this music off and I gotta come all over the audience, okay? Are you ready to listen to this or what? Let's go Friday night. Let's go Friday night. Let's go Friday night. Let's fucking play it then. God. Well, hold on. Goddammit, Tim. Are you ready?

Yes, I'm ready. Okay, okay, okay. Jeez, God, I got you. I'll have a Civil War right now with you. Okay. I'll have a Civil War with you right now, Vito, if you don't let me play my music. You can play it. No one isoring you just play the music okay okay don't get all yay on me you know don't get all yeah can you believe oh my god okay okay it's called bright eyes i know what it's called just fucking this is you always do this you just talk forever

just play the song stop stretching it out to try and make your youtube video long enough to fit a million ad breaks on it oh you, you're onto that, huh? Yes! Okay, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Ready? Ready? Yes! Don't think about good music. Now just think about the way society is, okay? Don't think about music. Don't think about music for entertainment or connecting with other people.

Think about how bad society is. Think about how bad society is, okay? Think about me, a guy. Think about Shane Cashman. Think about Eliza Blue. Okay, ready? Ready? Ready? Here we go. What were Eliza blue. Okay ready ready ready here. We go here. We go Where you what were you thinking about? What were you thinking about? What were you thinking about? I'm gonna kill myself. You don't play this stupid song. I swear to God

Okay, here you go. It's nice like a nice warm beanie. Okay, okay? It's gonna wrap around your heart a nice warm beanie wrapped right around your heart, okay? I'm so glad they banned you from- Okay, how was that? A little bit more. A little bit more. Now, what I was thinking about when I wrote that part of the song was the Civil War. Yeah, the Civil War.

The coming Civil War. Are you ready for the Civil War, Vino? Are you ready for- I guess. I don't know. I thought I was, but now I don't know. I don't know. Now you don't know.

You got to stock up. You got to stock up on beanies. You got to stock up on food. You got to stock up on munitions. Is this the music I'm going to get during the Civil War? Because if so, I'll just kill myself to start it off. Good. I don't wanna...

Good, I wrote this so liberals' heads would explode like in Mars Attacks. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That was the point. For guys like you, pedophiles like you, for your heads to explode like in Mars Attacks. Fuck you. Like in Mars Attacks. Remember that movie? I remember Mars Attacks, yes.

That was when I was first inspired to write music. Oh my god, the fucking culture war is the most insufferable thing. That was the first culture war. That was when I was first inspired to write music. Oh, my God. The fucking culture war is the most insufferable thing. That was the first culture war. Just play the song. That was the first culture war between us and Mars Attacks. We judge your music objectively, okay? If the song is good. Not possible.

Not possible, it's good. All right, we're going to see if you can win the culture war. How many followers do you have? Not as many as your fucking idiot. Exactly. Okay, it's all about winning the follower war. Exactly. Okay, let's all about winning the follower war. Exactly. Okay, let's hear bright eyes.

You might want to push on the sides of your head so your liberal head doesn't explode, Vito. Here we go. Yeah, did you hear that? Did you hear that? Did you hear that lead in? Did you hear that lead in? Look at this. Look at what's on the screen right now, Vito.

Just look at it. Okay, here. Light up to the moon. In spite of everything they threw. They threw in spite of everything they threw at me, Vito. I triumphed. I triumphed. You're a fighter.

I triumphed. I triumphed. You're a fighter. You're a fighter. Vito, in spite of everything you knew, in spite of everything you knew, I'm still standing. Okay? Congratulations, Tim. I'm still standing. Okay? I'm still standing Okay Congratulations Tim I'm still standing Okay I'm still standing Yeah

So This is This is your answer To the You were always on my mind Vito Choke point of music The Civil War was always on my mind You think this

Fucking shitty Emo Throwback Trash Is gonna revolutionize The Conglomerized Music industry

And shatter the barriers that are holding back dangerous, dissident voices like yourself. What barriers? Oh, I mean, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have tons of barriers. Keeping me down. Keeping me between your money.

That's why you're not a huge success is the barriers. Yeah, the barriers. There's barriers between like your wallet. That's a barrier between me and your money. And your mom is a barrier between me and getting her money. Sure. So many barriers. There's barriers between your wallet. That's a barrier between me and your money. And your mom is a barrier between me and getting her money. So many barriers. This song's gonna tear it all down. Here, listen, listen, listen. You hear that?

You hear that? That's gonna tear it all down. You hear that? You hear that? I hear it. This is not the way out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good stuff. That's good stuff.

It's not time for you to go, Vito It's not time for you to go, Vito For me For me to go What did you think? It could be worse Let's just do the show Yeah, let's just do the show Yeah let's just do the show

Thanks Tim for Letting us hear your new single Bright Eyes Now available Not on Bandcamp I got a lot more on the way Vito If you think I'm done I got a lot a lot a lot

More on the way I'm gonna be like Prince I got them lined up I got I got years with the songs Coming out After I'm dead too About the Civil War And about how the liberals Are taking over And making us gay I got years with the songs coming out after I'm dead, too, about the Civil War and about how the liberals are taking over and making us gay.

I got about probably 50 years of that shit lined up, all right? Get ready for that. You do seem to have a lot of similar themes for these songs. In the news. They're holding you down. Okay. They're holding you down. Well, I believe you're the winner, Mr. Masterson.

Transphobia. That's our show, folks. Thanks for coming by. What are you fucking... What? Dito. What? Do you know what transphobia is? No, tell me

It refers to I have no I have no possible inkling It refers to women No Who want to take us back Do you remember Let me tell you a story

It was 1999 And the women's The women's world cup was playing On all TVs And no one Cared Who was in the finals Was America in the finals

America was in the finals Thank you for asking Thank you And then This lady Kicked a goal Or something Wow

And America won And she Tore her shirt off In a way that was Obviously staged And focus tested And I saw that Happening on TV and I said

this is the worst moment of my life. It only gets down from here. Was she wearing anything under the shirt? Sports bra. Nike sports bra. That was on sale at Target. Wherever these women shop at and I said this is, that's

going to be the end of it. That's the end. Go on. That's the end of what exactly us us. That's the end of us and now here we are 24 years later And we finally learned how to fight back against the machines And then what happens Vito, I don't know I don't think I want to know transphobia happen And then what happens, Vito? I don't know. I don't think I want to know.

Transphobia happens. Look at this. This unhinged Anna Kasparian, who is an unhinged Marxist semen demon. Have you heard of her? I'm aware of Anna Kasparian, of the Young Turks. Here's what she says about trans. Here's what she says. I'm a woman.

Sure. Trans here's what she says. I'm a woman sure please don't ever refer to me as a person with a uterus birthing person or a person who menstruates How do people not realize how degrading this is? How indeed? You can support the transgender community without doing this shit Actually, no well I can't you can't. You can't, actually. I can't, actually, because trans women are women. And that's a

valid identity. Therefore, ergo, and trans men are men. No one cares about trans men. Well, this kind of feeds into that part of it. No. Okay. Here's another clip that I have. Part of it. No. Okay. Okay.

Go ahead. Here's another clip that I have from the other side. This is from Sydney Watson. Do you know about her? Do I know of Sydney Watson? Yeah. Do you know about her?

Yes. She says, This has to stop. Females are women. Nobody else. No more opportunities will be ripped from women To accommodate a population of people

Very Very disparaging Of people appropriating our sex No more of this And what's she complaining about? You think it's something huge? Something outrageous? No

That she's complaining about? It's USA Today Released a Women of the Year award. Yes. Woman of the Year. Sure. Do you know how many acceptances into college and law school were given to women who had lower scores than men for the last-

No, I didn't know that. Since that 1999 Actually going back to 1980 Is that title 9 When did title 9 happen Uh I think it's just

Title simping Brian For women So you have some stats here Or something You better believe it Buckaroo Buckle up buckaroos

Um Let's see here Here I have a quote. Do you know when alimony was said that women actually have to pay this shit too? Do you know what year that was in? No, what year? I guess. 1997.

1979. Very close. You know what women had to say about it? You know what women had to say about it when the Supreme Court said this is prejudice against men that you guys have been perpetrating for like hundreds of years, actually. This is what what women had to say about it when the Supreme Court said this is prejudice against men that you guys have been perpetrating for like hundreds of years actually. This is what famous woman had to say about it. It's bad for women.

Who said that specifically? Phyllis Schaafly. Oh, not Phyllis. She's doing an equal rights thing. I don't know. I didn't really read very much about it. Who said that? A famous woman. Let's just keep our eyes on the prize. Okay.

This is why do women, this is from the Federal Reserve. I feel like we're going down a rabbit hole. I feel like we've gotten very far. Yes, we are, because the transphobia is an epidemic. It all comes from this. And it has to be stopped. These women cannot go online and spread their hateful rhetoric. There we go.

About, and their transphobia. Sure. About women, trans women, who are women. Sure. Okay? I'm not going to sit here. Sometimes you do these meta problems, I feel. This is not a meta problem.

Look at this. Look at this. Look at this stat. Where the real problem seems to be something other than the problem you brought in. Transphobia. Transphobia is the problem. Look at this. Female to male ratio in undergraduate college, going on vacation, basically. Look at this.

This is what I call the death cross right here. See this? Right there is the death cross. This is the end of civilization. 1975, about. 1975 about. 1975. This is when the ratio of women to men in college crossed over one. And it never returned.

Do you see this? Okay. Stealing and ruining education for decades. Yeah, okay. Into the future. So women Okay so you're gonna have to Get real specific here So more women are going to college

Than men right Yes Now we figured out a way to reverse that By turning men into women No they've always been women That just Are learning that and identifying that it's rectifying

a point in their life and it's fixing the free market capitalism that you know so much. If you think they've always been women, there's still a problem. It's still more women than men going to college. There are women who can park somehow.

Somehow. I don't know why. Somehow they women who can park. Somehow. Somehow. I don't know why. Somehow they're able to park their cars. They're able to think and not speak at the same time. A glass of water tilting at a 45 degree angle. Somehow. Who knows?

It's hateful bigotry what women like Anna Kasparian and Sidney Watson both on both sides are saying. Right. And it's got to be stopped. Well, it's interesting this tweet from Anna Kasparian that this is the Young Turks are a organization which has spoken out against trans so-called transphobic speech on many occasions. Yeah. Figures like J.K. Rowling.

Yes, that's another transphobe. Yeah. She's got to be. Iling Yes that's another transphobe Yeah She's gotta be I will play the video game Cause she doesn't benefit from it But She does benefit a little bit The books all have to be burned

And I'm never going to that dumb theme park Because of transphobia You haven't been to What do you call it I will never set foot in that The wizarding world of Harry Potter No You can buy a little wand

and wave it around and stuff and the stuff moves. What, like it shoots up? No, there's like little mechanical things that sense the IR sensor in your wand.

Sounds like computers. Computer world. There's no actual magic. Computering world of computer Potter. You pay $15 for butter beer which is just like this horrible sugary drink well I find this

interesting because zanacarsperian has fallen in the classic trap of believing there's an end to any of this there you go well surely they won't force me to refer to women as people with uteruses yes we will

well of course I have several alternative terms but you guys ruin them I can no longer say them now I have to say if you would like

to go back I know that you ladies have a hard time and you want to go back to when women won the soccer world cup but it's just not you just can't go back to 1999, okay? I mean, women are still going to win the Soccer World Cup.

They're all just going to have 5 o'clock shadows. Maybe. It's going to be a great game. Tower a full foot over the rest of the competitors. Between us and Australia, a lot of amazing female athletes coming out of both places these days. See, this is what I said when I'm saying it's kind of a meta problem, I feel. I feel like maybe

the problem is not transphobia. We'll send women to Mars alright. Yeah. I think the message I wanted to say to Anna Kasparian is, well, then you don't actually, if this is what you think, if you think there's at any point an end point to go... Shut your uterus hole, you

bitch. That's the message I want to... Well, it means that you don't truly believe that trans women are women because if you did. Because you're a bigot. You would naturally go, well, of course we can't just say women because some women do not have uteruses. Some men have uteruses.

Not all women have uteruses, actually. You can have a hysterectomy. Not all men don't have uteruses. Sure, whatever. I didn't understand that because I Well, if a man is, you can have a hysterectomy. Not all men don't have uteruses. Sure, whatever. I didn't understand that because I... Well, if a man is, you know, whatever you want to believe, then surely the term person with uterus would be more anatomically correct. And I think that's where the Young Turks fall in a hole. Either you agree with that or you don't.

There's no, you can't stop it. You can't choose an arbitrary limit to the logic. Either they're, either trans women are women or they are not women. If women can be doctors, men can be women. Just we

all, we've been tolerating the term businesswoman for like 40 years. And we all know what a lie that is is So I guess Okay I didn't do it I love that this problem goes up on the board with no context Transphobia is

Someone who's new to the show Shows up and they go Transphobia Oh that is a problem They vote it out There's transphobes And you listen to the actual episode And maybe there's a little more context there

Vito these transphobes Can't keep their mouths shut Yeah And they deserve to be locked up. Sure. Anna Kasparian, the other ones. Sydney, whatever the hell. Yeah, lock her up.

Lock her up. JK. JK, put her in a box. Lock her up. Make her a little tiny prison. A more small prison. Put her in Azkaban. Feed them extra pizza so they get fat and then make fun of them all day.

They make fun of trans people. Always making fun of trans women. Always. It's transphobia and it's bigoted. It does seem like the left is currently going through an interesting reckoning where even the young Turks are beginning to grapple with the extent of transgender rhetoric

and what it means for the future of discourse. It means they're bigots. Sure. They're all bigots. Thankfully, we have this show where me and you are the most friendly, beloved. Yeah, you got no hate in your heart for anybody. I love trans women.

And they have a right to exist, actually. And if you don't like them in the bathroom, why don't you hurry the fuck up in there? And get off your fucking cell phone, you pig how about that do you think america deserves a woman president uh as long as it's uh yes yeah okay uh-huh what would be your ideal female president big penis yeah all right there it is folks anything else you got to add to this problem no indeed transphobia transphobia what a problem what a horrible horrible problem well as long as we're on the topic of the lgbt community okay here's a topic that is not necessarily just that, but it does factor into it with a recent news story.

You may have seen, if you're a big hockey fan, the NHL's Hockey for Everyone initiative. It's, of course, an initiative to promote LGBTQ pride within the NHL hockey organization. Okay. As part of that initiative, the San Jose Sharks decided to wear pride jerseys in support of the LGBTQIA plus community. I didn't actually, real quick, could you look these up? The San Jose Sharks pride jerseys. I'd like to see what these look like.

San Jose gay jerseys. I didn't say gay jerseys. I said pride jerseys. Well, like to see what these look like. San Jose gay jerseys. I didn't say gay jerseys. I said pride jerseys. Well, I know how to use Google. Gay jerseys. Wow! What? Let's take a look at that.

What the fuck? For those of you who listen. He has love written on the shark Has love written on the hockey sticks Why'd they make it look like the shark's holding two hockey sticks Let's describe this Hey guys, wanna play some fucking hockey with me For audio listeners, there is a blue shark

Holding two sharks No, it's a gayer color of shark too It's like multi-colors of teal and pink It's a tree It is a pink shading on the shark. Yeah, that's a gay shark. That's subtle. Inside of a heart.

It's not subtle. Not for me. The shark is holding two hockey sticks. Oh, no. Look at the flag. Look at this. Yes, and then it has the- Oh, no.

Oh, no. All the colors of the pride flag. Of course, we know red, orange, yellow, green, purple. Normal. Black. No, black's not supposed to be there. That's black, and then light blue, light pink, white, and then I think yellow, I think that's for intersex on the hockey sticks there.

So that is the San Jose Sharks pride jersey, not the San Jose Sharks gay jersey, as Mr. Masterson has put it. It's a little different. Nope. Anyway. Figurated. Unfortunately, not everybody is a fan of the new pride jersey, including goaltender James Reamer, who put out this statement.

For all 13 years of my NHL career, I have been a Christian, not just in title, but in how I choose to live my life daily. I have a personal faith in Jesus Christ who died on the cross for, okay, whatever, a bunch of God stuff. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. What was his quote? What was his quote? He died on the cross for my sins and in response asked me to love everyone and follow him.

I have no hate in my heart for anyone and I have always strived to treat everyone that I encounter with respect and kindness. Liar. In this specific instance, I am choosing not to endorse something that is counter to my personal convictions, which are based on the Bible, the highest authority in my life. I believe every person has value and worth

in the LGBTQIA plus community, like all others should be welcomed in all aspects of the game of hockey, says goaltender James Reamer. Oh, fuck you. Just put the shirt on. playing hockey playing fucking games for millions of dollars where the fucking jersey you paint yourself i'm gonna disagree with you dick because this is the problem of compelled speech the idea that the government or your employer or anyone those are be able to force you to practice speech with which you disagree.

Now, this is a very interesting topic because it goes back to the history of our country. Obviously, some people are saying Are saying yes Just wear the jersey Yeah But is this not unlike The famous Baking of the gay cake You must make a cake In support of gay marriage

No It's not the same I think it's a little There's some similarities What are you getting paid for To be a hockey player And wear whatever Yeah but like

Why should you Just cause you're a hockey player If they come out And they're like We want you to wear a jersey That says praise Allah Couldn't you be like Well well, I'm a little uncomfortable with that. Shut the fuck up and put it on. That's what we're doing.

So what do you have, like, you get hired at Disneyland to wear the Mickey Mouse suit, and you're like, well, actually, the fucking Mickey Mouse suit doesn't, it doesn't fit with my religious sensibilities. So I'm just going to walk around with no head. Is that cool? I understand the argument that you're making. That maybe as part of an organization. You have to follow. The beliefs and spirit of that organization. No you just have to put it on. Put the fucking jersey on.

Say whatever you want. I would say that I think it is. An infringement of your free speech right. I don't think employers should be forcing people. To a blank lives pin or a pride flag or any of it. What kind of employers? I mean, I can understand. What do you think? You go to Applebee's and everyone's wearing sweatpants?

Because it's like, well, you know, the slacks wear. That's a professionality thing. That's a unit. This is not a professionality. You can be a professional and not wear a gay shirt on your fucking. Gay shit sells. What do you mean? It sells.

If you go into a lawyer's office and he's wearing sweatpants, you're like, I don't trust you. You go to a hockey game and they got gay shit all over everything. You're like, yeah, I'm fucking. Yeah, honey. My wife loves all the gay shit. I will say if anyone in the audience wants to find a way to get us these pride jerseys, I would wear that every day. No, hockey jerseys are expensive.

They are. They're like $100, $200. Well, I wanted to bring up some other famous compelled speech cases. Okay. In fact, the Supreme Court's decision in West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnett from 1943 is a classic example of the compelled speech doctrine at work. In that case, the court ruled that a state cannot force students to stand, salute the flag, or recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

That's one of my classic problems. Another example of compelled speech. It is the government. You're right. So there are some tricky business there. The court also ruled in woolly verse maynard in 1977 that state officials cannot punish a man for covering up the motto live free or die on his license plate so that's also very interesting yeah because they're forcing you to

agree with this uh government now i hate that shit all over license plates. Yeah. Oh, look, it's a flag. Save the children. Get the save the children license plate. Yeah, put like kill, you know, people that I can't say on. That's a good license plate. Well, there's been the reverse where certain groups have said we want a Confederate flag license plate on behalf of the daughters

of the Confederacy, and they said no. Whatever, sure. Well, they wouldn't let him have it. I will say one of the more interesting ones I found out about was Johan's vs. Livestock Marketing Association from 2005, in which the court ruled that the government could force beef producers to fund beef advertisements. So you ever see those ads on TV where it's like beef, it's what's for dinner?

Yeah. If you have, you know, a cattle ranch or you're a beef farmer, you are forced to subsidize the government's promotion of beef in the marketplace. Which to me sounds... Beef is fucked. Beef is really fucked. How so? They stop like local farmers From producing beef To sell directly

They just want There's so many Like they make it so expensive For them to just With regulations or something? Yeah And they just don't allow it Cause what?

They want to keep the price of beef high? Cause they just get money From these fucking criminals The beef producers? Yeah They all pile their money in Dick, dick, dick, dick We've gone after a lot of people on this show

Yeah Don't go after the beef council We can't take that fight We don't got the money for that fight Okay Alright They'll break our fucking knees So what, you think Kaepernick

Like kneeling at the national anthem You think that's fine? And he couldn't just be fired? You have to think about that think about it i think it's stupid yeah i think i think honestly the worst thing which part is stupid about it's stupid all of it yes like kneeling the worst thing that ever happened to sports was when the government said uh we're gonna give you a bunch of money to do all these patriotic displays to try and get people hyped for the military yeah I think started around like

2000 because originally the Pledge of Allegiance Teams were not on the field for that Yeah now they have to sit there and then they had to Come out yeah those the troops Man the fucking troops man They did that during the halftime show For what's that guy who got killed by friendly fire

And I if I get too drunk oh Pat Tillman yeah Pat Tillman. Yeah, Pat Tillman. Oh, God. I wish I could meet him in hell and kick him in the balls. And then I wish I could meet the guy that shot Pat Tillman in hell. Is he still alive? The guy who shot Pat Tillman? Yeah.

Was he still alive? He's probably still alive. I would love to find him and suck his cock and swallow his cum. If I could find the guy who killed Pat Tillman. Hold on. Hold on. What? This is another thing that we're going to get in trouble.

What do you mean? Because I'm gay? No, because why do you want to celebrate the guy who killed Pat? Stop it. Pat Tillman? This is worse than what I... Because Pat Tillman was like a... A traitor?

He was like a poster boy for... Yeah, but he didn't want to be he no he quit voluntarily voluntarily but then he didn't get there and he said this sucks okay yes but that's no no no no saying it's saying it sucks when you're already in is not that doesn't wash away the sin for me he was people got sold a bill of goods on during that whole iraq thing man yeah making mistakes making wrong thinking should be punished by death it doesn't matter if you if you think you're wrong you're just a more emboldened i don't know dumb person i don't know if i'm on i don't know if no one is on board with

what i'm saying because everyone is afraid of being wrong and they just want to be whatever all the time and they think everyone has this agreement, like, well, if you're wrong, you can just say it and you're fine. No. Wrong. I think you can fairly say Pat Tillman, you know, allowed himself to be propaganda for the war effort. Yeah, death.

And maybe realized too late that that happened. Yes. I don't think you should say, and I want to blow the guy who killed him. I don't care. I'll do it. By accident on the battlefield. How do we know it's by accident? Maybe he was just annoying.

Maybe he got paid by the government to do it. Oh, this problem has gone off the rails. Jesus fucking Christ. Well, for those of you out there who maybe think that you working for an organization, you should not be forced to go along with every initiative that your employer decides upon. They're selling seats, though. Like, the Christ shit is more annoying than the jersey shit. Can everybody, can you guys all wear this gay jersey stuff?

Like, we're selling. I think I can say that the justification of my God makes me hate gay people. I'm like, yeah, well that's stupid, but I'm also, I personally object to that Jersey because it's got the shitty pride flag on it, which I've discussed on many times is a fucking crime against graphic design. And the fact that we keep fucking adding triangles to it,

like it's going to get better. Funny. It's not funny. It's horrendous. It's like literally it's the problem I talked about the last week where I'm like, minorities just keep asking for stuff Man it's transphobic

That you're saying this shit And nobody can just say I think we got a pretty good Pride flag already I don't think we gotta Add more shit to it Dude that's transphobic You're right

Put a thousand more triangles on it Do you watch a lot of hockey? No I like hockey So you just like Don't You just want this hockey guy To be able to not wear a jersey

I can empathize With the desire What about Kylie Irving that didn't want to get vaccinated What do you think about that It's not speech Oh fuck Stop it Stop with this

Linking to that anti-semitic Black Israelite thing That's more interesting That is worth discussing Are you pro or against Jews? Well I'm pro Jews For the most part I don't Again yeah

He got suspended for that shit Yes the punishment was obscene For what he did What do you think the punishment should have been? Nothing Nothing Yeah What about the vaccine thing?

The vaccine Look they can say we have data that we need to keep a healthy league and we don't want other people to get sick and if you're on it, there's health regulations for anything. If a boxer doesn't make the weight class, they don't let him box for fun. It's a safety issue.

It's not a safety issue. It's because no one wants to see a 500-pound guy box a girl It's a safety issue Sports have regulations for safety There's certain things the athletes have to adhere to That's not a matter of That's not a matter of free speech

So compelled speech is bad But compelled injecting shit into your body is fine It's not compelled You cannot do it But then you're unemployed You're still employed once the health crisis is over You get to come back Injecting shit into your body is fine. It's not compelled. You cannot do it. But then you're unemployed. You're still employed once the health crisis is over. You get to come back.

Well, once the gay crisis is over. Well, that's never going to be over, buddy. So that's when you better make a decision quick. My problem, Dick, is compelled speech. Vote it up. Okay. Get the vaccine Still Get a thousand of them

I don't care Here's my problem Loud music in bars I identify with this problem How loud was that stupid Shit hole fucking comedy club No that was fine Because there was no music

Yeah fair enough It's the music Fair enough They pack live bands And live bands bands are somehow worse than the music they pump through. Well, the acoustics in these places are terrible. They make your fucking ears bleed. And everybody who's in there working has earplugs. Even some girls.

Who bring earplugs to the bar? Who's a girl, yeah. And she's bringing, she's like, oh, I brought earplugs because Even some girls. Who bring earplugs to the bar? Who's a girl, yeah. And she's bringing, she's like, oh, I brought earplugs. Because it gets loud in there. That's so. Like, okay, so. So don't go to that bar. So guys are competing with the phone, first of all.

And now you've fucked them with the music. Because they can't fuck, you can't hear anything. You cannot hear, you cannot hear anything. That anybody's saying. And then it's so bad that girls are having earplugs in. So how are you going to play any games? So what are you even there for? You're listening to like a muted.

You can show her a picture of your penis on the cell phone and hope she reacts positively. You just show her like flashcards, like download like Caillou's fucking learning. Okay. What do you think about this? Yeah. Pretty good. Thumbs up. Thumbs down.

You gotta learn sign language, I guess. Respond with one of these. Click one of these buttons to see if you. Yeah. Get the scale, the happy face scale. How you feeling about tonight? Give her a knob. I looked it up and everything I saw was some kind of like egg council's cope post.

I would not be surprised if the volume of bar music has gone up over time as the IQ of the population has depleted. You really think it's the IQ? Stupid people like loud music because they don't have to try and make conversation, which they're bad at. I think they just don't remember anything different. like oh yeah go to a bar yeah it's like so deafening that you can't hear anybody or anything uh that's normal my favorite social situation is the uh the exciting sing song of human language of having a discussion banter with my friends and yeah discussing the topics of the day, making each other laugh.

And I think dumb people are bad at that. So they go to a place where they can crank the music as loud as they possibly can and go, yeah, this place is cool. Do you think they have a choice? No, because they're stupid. They're stupid. I hadn't considered that. That it's stupid people who like loud music? Yeah, because everywhere I go, it's like, this is just intolerable. And it's not because cause everywhere I go It's like this is just intolerable

And it's not because I'm old It's like this is There's girls there with fucking earplugs in So I know it's not me Somehow you've been crafted To show up at this place With earplugs You're a high functioning alcoholic

Thank you Most people are low functioningfunctioning alcoholics. Alcohol makes them stupid and slow. So they're not there. Alcohol does not make me slow. No, but them, they go, they got a bunch of drinks in them. If somebody comes up to them, they go, well, how do you feel about the current humanitarian crisis in Uganda? They go.

So instead, they just want, you know, to crank the jukebox up and go, oh yeah, I like the song. I like music. It's the live band. Play that new Tim Pool song. Play Bright Eyes for me. Bright Eyes. Here's some stats.

Hit them with them. Bar owners, when they went from between 72 decibels to 88 decibels. 90 decibels is the sound of a leaf blower, by the way. So that's what you have at a bar at all times. I wonder if people order more alcohol because there's nothing else they can do. Yes. So this is the survey that is causing all of this. So they did this thing

70 decibels to 88 decibels and then they measured people who left the bar after each Participant left the bar sound levels were again manipulated in another random trigger When the bar was loud They ordered an average of three and a half drinks and took 11 minutes to finish compared to an average of two and a half drinks and 15 minutes. Ah, see, because by destroying- So they're squeezing out, you're just sitting there fucking pounding. They're destroying human conversation.

See, if I'm talking to you, I'm not focused on my drink. I'm not guzzling it down because there's nothing else I can do. Can't get distracted. Yeah. If anything, if the bar bans cell phones, then there's only Kendrick. I bet with cell phone usage, bar revenues have gone down because now people are like, ooh, I can play on my fucking phone. Instead of drinking?

Instead of drinking. Hmm. I don't know about that. I would be interested to see that, but it does feel- It's a big jump, though, man. I don't know about that. I would be interested to see that, but it does feel... It's a big jump, though, man. That's one entire drink with less than 10 decibels.

That's like double the volume. Yeah. So normal volume to leaf blower volume. This is why I don't go to bars a lot, because a lot of them are just too loud. There should be a law stopping it. They should have to post outside what decibel each bar should be ranked according to what decibel level they play the music at and then we're gonna look it up on yelp and i can go i don't want bars with a under 70 decibel limit yeah those are the bars i will go to and then

we're gonna have to explain to women that more is worse. Right. That'll be the hardest part. I'm only going to go to bands that have a ban on Tim Pool related songs. I'm tired of them getting played. Everywhere I go, they're playing those new Tim Pool hits. They won't let them play them. They won't let bars play them. That's why they have to take them off band camp. Yeah, they took it off. Such heavy rotation.

And nobody drinks because they're transfixed by his angelic Singing voice and Political messaging Civil war Oh man I feel bad I was telling Dick I'm like Can we rip on Tim Fool's music because We had Phil Labonte come on And he's awful though

He literally features on the new track he's on That bright eyes track I don't know what he's doing I mean he's a singer Though I didn. I don't know what he's doing. He's a singer, though. I didn't hear him singing. I think he comes in at the end. Jeffrey Johns was in Ferris Bueller, and he's a pedophile. So what are you going to do? Anybody could be in anything.

We're not calling Phil Labonte a pedophile. Let's be clear. Just saying. Morgan Freeman was in Cuties. No, he wasn't. How do you know? I don't know. You don't know.

He might be. He might be. He's their coach. We should spread that rumor and see how many people believe it know? I don't know. You don't know. He might be. He might be. He's their coach. We should spread that rumor and see how many people believe it, because I bet they would. Let's just edit the IMDB. So then somebody says, no, he wasn't. How do you know? Did you watch it?

He's uncredited. Did you watch it? He comes in at the end and teaches them to twerk. You girls danced so well tonight. I wish I could say. I wish I could say. The girls danced a good dance, but they got dirty.

The sisters took it to them. I will say, what's his... Get busy twerking or get busy dying. Carl Spitali does a great fucking Morgan Freeman. He could have done it for you

if you went to Chrissy Mayer's show and you weren't so afraid of her. Well, I wasn't Josh Denny there joshed anyway. Don't try to... I fucking do not believe you that it was at the venue.

That is such a dumb reason. Nobody believes that. It was the venue. Bring up pictures of the venue. Look up the Sunset Lodge. You can't even find pictures of the fucking place. I was at the venue. I know what the venue was. I don't think it's a legal venue. It's not on Yelp. It's not anywhere. Who the venue was I don't think it's a legal venue It's not on Yelp It's not anywhere

Who fucking cares? What do you want to go to some shit shack In the middle of nowhere And get stabbed To listen to Chrissy Mayer Tell a joke about how the homos Are grooming kids Or whatever the fuck

Look at this guy He's got some good stuff over there Maybe she can tell some old Kumi's classics Like what? Like something about all the black people Or whatever the fuck's going on with his Twitter Kumia's off the rails I gotta say

Why? Go to his Twitter He's nuts Well what are the reparations for then? If we're not doing You can say whatever you want I support reparations Cause

I'm gonna say a lot of stuff I just see the stuff Kumia's tweeting And I keep thinking I'm like oh Carl You're gonna Talk to your boy. What is he saying that's so bad? Let's just put it this way.

Go on Twitter, type in compound boss in the search engine, and then put F slash N. Hold on, hold on. Don't actually. What do you mean compound boss in the search bar? Just compound boss, one word, one word. And then space. Space?

F slash N. F slash N? Yeah. What do you mean slash? What's that? Well, you'll see pretty quick. Just walking through. Oh, my.

I'm like, I'm like, Kumia, what are you doing, buddy? There's like, there's a lot of these tweets. Like, like one or two would maybe be okay, but holy lord.

What was happening on March? You can't read any of these. This will be on the Rumble edition of the show, guys. We'll read Anthony Kouya's tweets. This is way before the cornstarch stuff. He has some tweets that are just F slash N. Don't forget that Anthony Acumia, Gavin McGinnis, and Josh Denny will be doing their live comedy show coming to L.A. April, first week of April, I believe.

So I should be there. Are you going to do should be there Is the venue nice enough for you? Yeah, I think we're both going, you gonna come? Well, so So if those guys were at the Sunset Lodge, you wouldn't go, right? No, if they were at the Sunset Lodge, come on It's Gavin and Kumi

That's like, oh, I just saw Chrissy Mayer She came into the show Yeah You know What Gavin You think Gavin is like Gavin's like a bigger You know

And Kumi's a bigger thing That would be a bigger draw Anyway Kumi's really not happy On Twitter I'll tell you that Why would he be? I don't know

I really don't know He's got a lot of problems With F slash N Let's put it that way. Well, Dick, I got a final problem for you. Get your super chats in now. Do not make us wait at the end

while you're fumbling with your credit card. Get them in now. Dick, I had a tweet. Actually, do you want to look up a Twitter account real quick? Do you have a tweet or is it... you want to look up a Twitter account real quick? You had a tweet or is it? No, it was just a Twitter thing. All right. I think it's Weigels.

Okay. You can't even spell Twitter correctly. Jesus Christ, Grandpa. How did I spell it? He spelled it T-I-twit-skicker. Weigels. Yeah, I think that's it.R. Way G-L's. Yeah, I think that's it.

Okay. This is a Twitter account. These tweets are protected. Well, never mind. I don't actually know what it was. The point is, Dirk. I know. I feel. I'm trying to bring your tweets in.

I know. Well, the problem was the original person who tweeted this deleted it out of shame. This was a waitress who said, we need to europeans from traveling here until they learn how to act and she posted a picture of a receipt from the restaurant in which she works now looking at it the total of the bill was 694 dollars and 62 cents for which she was given a $70 tip Like 11% Wait a minute $70? It was $600?

No it was about $700 Oh and she got a $70 tip About 10% That's fine okay And says LMAO I fucking hate Europeans Sometimes on God This table just left $70

On a $700 check after chilling for hours. My manager even asked about their service, and they were over the moon about my service, so he explained the customary tip is 20%, and they said okay and left. Oh, yeah. My problem is whiny waitresses. Bitch, you got paid $70 to do what? Nothing. Bring some plates to a table

oh it's so hard oh oh my god this sandwich weighs a million pounds how am i possibly gonna that's fine there's two hours of work 70 bucks that's 35 an hour i doubt they were there for eight fucking hours taking up your whole whatever uh you just, I always hear, every waitress I've ever known has complained about their tips. It's the only thing they have to talk about. They pretend to. Yeah, they get tons of money. They go, I had an eight top today and I brought him extra halibut and then he didn't even give me a blah, blah, blah. Yeah, because you're not, what you're doing is not that hard.

Yeah. At all. But they will tell you it's the hardest profession. People don't understand how hard it is. Because I said on Twitter, I said, well, I don't know. It's not a great, it's not, you know, going to break your bank account. It's not going to make you the richest woman on earth. But I think $35 an hour or about.

I'm sure you had other tables. You probably balanced it out. Who cares? Well, Twitter user Langston. Do you have enough money to buy a rope? Because that's all you need. Do you have enough money to invest in a real career

that isn't just carrying food around? They make tons of money. They make a good amount of money and all they do is complain. They're all complaining. You always got to bring up teachers. They make tons of money. They make a good amount of money and all they do is complain. They're all complaining. You always got to bring up teachers. They make tons of money and they're always complaining about it. They make way more than they deserve.

Some of the teachers, they do make a lot. I had one fellow respond to me and say, when I was a waiter in fine dining, I had something to the tune of 21 steps of service I had to follow. Oh my God, 21 steps of service. Let's think about that. Wow.

Identify the food. Lift the food up. Read the food. Don't forget the fork. Bring a guy a napkin. That's impossible. Give a guy a... Oh, my God.

All these steps. When they're done with the food, I got to pick the plate back up. Oh, no. A busboy does that. Oh, you're right. You're right. The waiter doesn't do that. That's true. You don right. He doesn't do that.

That's true. You don't want to get contaminated food. No, you might have to calculate the bill for them. Yeah. Might have to refill their glass of water. 21 steps of service. And he had to tip out bussers, bartenders, and hosts slash hostesses. So you had to give him like five bucks out of your tip.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I had another guy tell me, you don't understand. I had to memorize dozens of wine pairings. Oh, my God. Can you imagine how hard it is to recommend a beverage to a person? I can't. I don't even care.

That's incredible. Think about any other waiter. Think about trying to make that argument at any other. I'm having the cheeseburger. What do you think? Well, that would go great with a Sprite. I'll take an extra $20 for that expertise. It's part of your job.

Which wipers work with my car? Those ones. Those ones. Not the OE. Okay, thanks. Hello? Can I get a little something? Every job requires you to have some expertise.

I hate waiters. A little bit of knowledge in what you're doing. It's like black people. No one says anything because they're afraid of waiters and waitresses. It's like black people. Like no one says anything because they're afraid of like waiters and waitresses spitting in your food. Yeah. You know, you can't say it to their face. Yeah. I can't even say it on the show because you'll get noticed in a restaurant. Maybe, you know, I don't really care about eating the spit either. I just don't want it in there. Right. I don't want it to be like a game. Yeah. Who gets the most spit in my food?

It really just, I remember all these waitresses that I've known or girlfriends who have been waitresses. And I go, people just don't respect how hard it is. And I go, bitch, this is like literally the simplest job I could think of. Yeah. I delivered, I had a tipped wage. I delivered pizza. Oh, you did? Yeah, same thing.

How many of the pizzas made it to the... If anything, that was harder. Well, I already told you, we do the classic thing where you cut out a strip from the middle

and then push the pizza together. Oh, yeah, yeah. A couple chicken wings might go missing now and again. But that, I would say, is harder than being a waitress. Now I gotta figure out

how to get, like, where the people live and half the time they don't open the door. And now I'm becoming The entitled waitress Cause you know what It wasn't that hard either

Just driving around Just driving around Dicking around Bringing a pizza to a guy Yes occasionally There'll be a thing Where the guy doesn't Pick up the fucking phone

Or the guy doesn't tip But the way these people go on Like they're the most Underappreciated slave laborers In the history of America. I hope they get replaced by dogs or monkeys or something. Robots, please. Please.

I hate being in a restaurant and I finish my drink and I'm just sitting there just like, when's that bitch going to come back and refill my drink? Well, that's the worst. You could just get up and get your stuff. Yes! Just put a fucking soda fountain. Every restaurant that has like a self-serve beverage

thing, how is that not the standard? I don't know. Just let people get up and get a fucking drink. No, I ain't gonna fill it up. And then if you like want to, you know, sometimes they'll be like, hey, can I get like an Arnold Palmer? And then they make it terribly and they don't mix, you know. It's like all iced tea, no lemonade.

What am I doing here? I could have just made it myself. Would have been better. If I want the Tabasco, just put the Tabasco in an area where I can locate the Tabasco instead of sitting there for 10 minutes waiting for you to bring me Cholula Iced Tabasco. What are we doing here, people? Come on You know Seinfeld dated that 17 year old

When he was 38 But we gotta cancel Justin Roiland That was awesome For some fucking reason Seinfeld gets to have a fucking B movie Nah it's just gonna Yeah Justin Roiland

It's cause he kicked his wife's ass Good She probably did something wrong Doesn't matter Doesn't matter cause he got tossed out And everybody's mad at me Cause that's what I said No it doesn't matter what she did It doesn't matter what she matter Because it got tossed out And everybody's mad at me Because that's what I said No it doesn't matter What she did

It doesn't matter What she did Because she's a woman So you guys gotta come out Hard right away Yeah It's not Oh he's innocent

It's well she deserved it She's the reason that I had so many people mad That I defended Justin Roiland They were furious Yeah They went this man Is a woman beater

Yeah Now they're calling him A pedophile, of course. Pedo jacketing voted up. This is the society we live in where we got to tip these whiny bitches and a man who makes a funny cartoon gets thrown under the bus. They're bigots. I don't like it, sir. It's these women.

Transphobes. They're going after, they're going after, it's because he's a man. Mm-hmm. If he's a woman, no one would care that he's texting a 16-year-old girl. No. And saying the N-word and stuff. They'd think that was cool. Beating all, most, most if not all lesbians are beating each other.

Right. Mindy Kaling, if Mindy Kaling was doing all this stuff, no one would care. Mindy Kaling got a award from the president. For what? For being a outstanding voice in comedy or something. The president's

giving that award? Yeah, or the vice president. I don't know. It was probably a vice presidential thing. Who is the, oh, Kamala Harris. She got a cop award.

She got to be a cop for a day. Mindy Kaling got to drive around the city and shoot at people. She got to drive around shooting black guys. That's cool guys kneeling on them and shit yeah these waitresses are pain in the ass the waiters are as bad as the waitresses it's really I hate the whole

conversation around dominated profession I think those are always bad nurses waitresses because women will get together And convince each other They're the victims Thank you Yes I just really I hate hearing about Like the

The guys Will say like Well actually you know What you pay for Is the good service It's like Can you just like shut up Like you just do it

Because you feel Like you have to. Cernovic was talking about how he ordered a $700 bottle of wine, and the waitress was like, well, as a percentage of the bottle of wine, he's like, bitch, you opened a bottle of wine and poured some whatever. I gave you $50. I saw that tweet, though, and I didn't want to be a reply guy, but you're not supposed to tip on liquor.

At all? No. I don't. Do you tip at the bar like a dollar? I'll be like a reply guy, but you're not supposed to tip on liquor. At all? No. I don't. Do you tip at the bar like a dollar? I'll tip like a dollar. A dollar. Only one dollar for every drink. One dollar for whatever the drink is.

And that's, I need the liquor. The food, I don't need like over and over. I need it once. Right. But you're not supposed to tip on the liquor. I don't know how. And I don't because my liquor part will pay $200 to the bill. I was going to say, your liquor bills are much more than mine,

and I'm definitely never going to drop $700 on a bottle of wine. So that is not a situation I will ever encounter. Yeah. In fact, if I order a $700 bottle of wine by accident, I will smack that bitch in the mouth and run away because I'm not paying $700. You never had a $700? No! Who gives a shit? Give me that Charles Schwab shit. It all tastes the fucking same.

Charles Schwab? Not Charles Schwab. What's the cheap wine? Two-buck check. Let me get a bottle of Charles Schwab, please. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll take a bottle of... What is two-buck check? What was it? It's Charles... Fuck, I can't remember. Two-buck... Let me see. I'll take a bottle of... What is two-buck check? What was it? It's Charles... Fuck, I can't remember.

Two-buck... Let me see. I'll take a bottle of H&R Block, please. Charles Shaw. Charles Shaw. You know, that stuff was like stems and antifreeze. That's not... It's all the same.

No, it's not all the same. I'll take a big old bottle of Charles Swab to go, please. I'm a classy gentleman. Give me some CDs. Give me some 5% CDs. Give me some paper, too.'m a classy gentleman. Give me some CDs. Give me some 5% CDs. Give me some paper, too. I want some paper. Give me some paper.

I'll take some of that Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac. Well, whiny waitresses is, of course, my problem. Our problems tonight have been- Somebody's got to fucking smack one of those waitresses. I think they will, and they should. Transphobia. It's a zero tip, and it's this box. If you're upset about the tip, there's a box that you can open.

I'm going to go to, here's what I'm going to do. Every time I go to a restaurant, I want to be that guy, you know, all these TikToks. It's always like, do you want $5? Do you want the mystery box? I'm going to do that. And the mystery box will always be empty. And I go to the waitress and she thinks it's like a fun tiktok and i'm like okay now do you want a 20 tip or do you want what's in the mystery box she's a mystery box there's nothing

in there and i go well you chose the mystery box what do you want me to tell you you had you could have had 20 i'd like it you decided to go for it and you lost something in the mystery box that just sprays here yeah it's got like acid in there some shit yeah right is that a regular is that a tiktok thing what you're describing there's a lot of tiktoks like guys who like will go around and be like do you want five dollars or this you know? I don't want to pull it away, but always the mystery box is like something cool, like a hoverboard or AirPods or whatever. I don't want the mystery box to literally

just be empty, and I go, well, I guess I'm not tipping. I feel like a stick, like a pack of gum. I go, I guess you picked wrong. Sorry. Put your dick in it. Just a pack of gum. I go, I guess you picked wrong. Sorry. Put your dick in it. Just cut the bottom out. This is a really bad,

like you would really piss people off if you did that, but that would be fucking hilarious. Anyway, guys, our problems have been transphobia from dick. Yeah. Uh, compelled speech from me.

Your second problem was? Loud. Loud music in bars. Loud music in bars. And, of course, whiny waitresses. Don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. And check out the bonus episode, Biggest Problem in Super Mario. Now available at patreon.com slash biggestproblem.

And back by. Back by slash biggest problem and back to bye slash biggest problem okay here we go let's play a couple of great bonus episodes this is a problem more for the veto side of the show great it always is but my problem is friends who cannot afford a $20

video game let's say a new game comes out goes on sale on steam xbox store whatever the fuck it's called on ps who cares you go hey this game is really fun and it's multiplayer yeah you should get this game it's on sale for $19.99 can you afford that other adult friend with an adult paying job i'd really love to get it you know It's on my wish list and stuff But um You know

This game being on sale And only going for $20 Like that's not big enough For the sale You know like I think I'm gonna wait Until it goes on sale For the

The price of a sandwich In four to five years It is a big sandwich Yeah Yeah thanks bro Let me just play this game By myself Well just buy it for him

If you wanna play it with him You fucking On the weekend And you can't afford To spend 20 bucks You should buy the game For him If you want to have

The multiplayer experience Buy him a little gift I think he doesn't Want to play with you Maybe he just wants To like relax Maybe he's got a Backlog of games

That he's already I think if you want To be the guy Who gets a multiplayer Experience going You gotta buy the game For all your buddies I think that's the social contract yeah Vito bought me those magic cards that we played you oh we did play with them once Keon won yeah well yeah that was awesome you got fucking trounced me and Keon whooped you and Randy well Well, I might have slow played a little bit

You know, try to let you guys get back into it Well, that's a mistake That's a mistake that you made You did surprisingly overwhelm our counterspell I was not expecting that Because I wasn't paying attention And I had that card that I hadn't played I don't even remember what it did

I can't remember it all But it was a fantastic game we had And I'm so glad I bought you the cards because then after you win you go you fucking suck at this and I'm like bitch you beat me with cards I bought for you as a gift you didn't make the cards why don't you graciously go wow that was

a lot of fun Vito I'm so glad you fucking blew it I'm so glad that you brought us this fun instead you just shit all over me and I don't want to play magic cards with you anymore You will though because you're addicted I am addicted we gotta play commander Hey Vito I couldn't wait till next week

I just have another thing You were talking about like you need a clips guy Vito just sit down on like premiere For like 90 minutes you edit You're like oh I'm an editor you know Just sit down He's not going to be a clips guy that knows What's going to be the funny part.

Fito, just sit down for like an hour and a half. Just sit down. Just do the thing. You have endless time. You just do it. I have been doing it. I have pulled clips. Nah, you haven't. Make a article for TikTok, you know? I edit videos all fucking day on my computer.

I know how long this takes, Fito. I know it doesn't take fucking long. I'll tell him. Shut up. Fuck you. Here's the difference is I don't want to re-listen to the show again. Because somebody has to listen to the show from front to back and go, that part was genuinely funny.

Okay. I don't want to listen to my own fucking podcast twice, you know? Twice. Well, whatever. Because I have to listen to you this first time. This is already torture. To my own fucking podcast twice You know Twice Well whatever Cause I have to listen to you this first time This is already torture I'm gonna sip through this It's me that makes it bad

Transphobia argument again Somebody's gotta sip Women aren't Women would never lift a finger for you I think it's better Imagine yourself bleeding in the street Bleeding out cause you got stabbed And there's a woman With a cell phone

You think she's calling the cops No I think She's texting a guy She's texting a Chad That's gonna fuck her And dump her I don't know what you're

Going on about While you're bleeding out In the street The point I'm trying to make Is I think it's better To have a third party Who can objectively Figure out what is funny

Because otherwise I'm just gonna clip myself Because clearly my jokes Are the better jokes And second of all I don't want to listen to the show again. And third of all, every week or every month, I put out the bonus episode. I make a little teaser video for that. Oh, yeah.

I just put out a teaser for Mario. I put that everywhere. It's not like I don't do anything for the fucking show. You got to make stingers, which now I don't have to do because the audience is going to do them. I don't think you need to defend yourself this much I put up clips Uh Okay

But we do have one guy helping us out And we'll see If he ends up being the Maybe this guy's Final contender Hi Jake Hi Vito Well

We're not listening to this one I don't know where that came from What the fuck was that? I don't know It wasn't like that when I listened to it. Are you sure? Go to the end. Does it sound like it the whole way through?

And then it's just not playing at all. Maybe you downloaded it wrong. How the fuck? Yeah, I put on the fucking quasars when I was downloading it. Yeah, maybe the quasars were fucking it up. All right. Well, man, you fucked up your voicemail i don't know how you did it but you did it send it back in drive-thru guy and uh somehow it's fucked sounded fine in

google aren't there other ones you can play while you look for it i don't care i don't want to hear anymore from these guys well this has been the biggest problem in the universe we're going to read your super chats don't forget to super chat the show right now You should have done it already Oh you should have done it right You should have been getting them in We're going to read through all your comments Because we love you guys so much

Thanks to our community We are currently on track to become a top 200 podcast On Patreon Please We're currently Number 227 Out of Podcasts Whose numbers

Are publicly available Obviously some podcasts Hide how much money They're making Bitches Ashamed of the free market But here we are happy To remain public

We gotta Super chats aren't on there What are you looking Out there for We gotta beat Carl We gotta beat Who's Carl at Is that like

He's like 140, uh, he's like 140-something. How much money is he at? Thankfully, the dick show keeps slipping, so we'll catch up to that pretty soon. Our tickets sold out at live.dick.show. What happened? Yeah, they're sold out. Tickets are sold out, but we will see you in Philadelphia. Is there a

waiting list in case anybody cancels? I don't know. Well, who's running the fucking tickets? Just some guys. I don't even know if they really exist. Well, if you want to scalp your tickets, now's the time to do it. Just email me. If you have one to sell, email me. We'll try to get people sorted out.

I'll find another person to buy it from you. You have a mouse right there. I do have a mouse. Geez, wow. So aggressive today. Me? Coof for two. Thank you all for not killing yourselves of course Koof Thank you David Gomez for five Remember Vito said he'd vote for Trump when Patreon hit 5k

That's right 5k for each Of us meaning the Patreon needs to hit 10k come on Get us there White Bandit for five Biggest problem in the universe is being poor It's actually I actually agree with that White Bandit for another five Masterson will the universe Is being poor It's actually I actually agree with that White Bandit for another five Masters and will you join Vito

In his cardio mukbang live stream We've been talking about this What I'll do You're doing a mukbang You're like just eating a bunch So I'll just eat a shit ton And then immediately after I get on an exercise bike

Why would you do that? And I throw up all over my Cause it's entertaining Have you seen this Nikado Avocado Kid He makes like a billion dollars Yeah he's like a gay Like he's disgusting i know you want to be nikado avocado i don't want to be on this earth at all but hey oh well at least that's step one capitalism he figured it

out yeah but you actually have to record every day if you're nikado avocado yeah you don't have that in you to be that guy oh oh no i don't have that in you to be that guy. Oh, no. I don't have it in me to eat like a monster and throw up in front of people. JJ for five. My contribution to the first ever Black Honesty Week was an educational video on Stovetop Fabuloso. Fabuloso, I believe, is the, it's like detergent. That's how they're cleaning their chicken.

Black Honesty Week. They're washing it with soap. Some people are saying it's a joke. It's like detergent That's how they're That's how they're cleaning their chicken Black honesty week Jesus Christ They're washing it with soap Some people are saying it's a joke I think some black people genuinely There's one lady who's like Oh you just put a little bit of bleach in there And I think that lady was like genuinely

Bleaching her chicken Oh you think it's a joke That all those videos Of people putting chicken in the sink And putting a bunch of Soap all over it Some black people And not just black

Like Caribbeans I don't know Like semi-black They'll wash their chicken with vinegar And limes and lemons Which is still stupid And does nothing And you will never be able to taste the difference

And it does not actually clean the chicken at all But at least that is a little more Like an old folky Whatever stupid thing to do Than literally taking Dawn dish soap Clean the chicken at all but at Least that is a little more like An old folky whatever stupid Thing to do then literally taking Dawn dish soap dumping it Why would they be joking about Dish soap though well because people post

Like tiktoks that's like here's how I Make my pizza poppers first I piss All over the pizza and you're like okay You're just trying to piss me off Pissing all over a pizza I've seen a lot of chicken There's a lot of like fake cooking Videos that are just trying to piss me off. I have never seen him pissing all over a pizza. They make these like. I've seen a lot of chicken and dish soap. There's a lot of like fake cooking videos that are just there to get you to comment on TikTok. Go, you're not supposed to do that.

You're doing it wrong. Because engagement makes it go up in the thing. So some of those are fake. Some of them are real though. All right. We got to ask Scott Adams. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Let's ask an actual black person. My mouse is dead again because this thing is trash. Justin Martinez for five. Vito, I listened. Who's coming out? Who is this? No, Scott. Scott, no. Vito, I agree with you though. What? Well, black people don't wash their chicken with dish soap. Okay. Because that would be actual work. All right, stop it. Stop it. Scott, it's not funny.

Go back to making Dilbert. Stop it. Fucking idiot. Get out of here. I can't believe he said that. I can't believe he said that either. Can you show me the super chats, please? You have a mouse.

I told you the mouse doesn't work. You got to like charge it up or something. No, it just goes dead for a second. You don't need to bang it. Well, it's not working, literally. Give me that mouse. No. Okay.

Justin Martinez from 5Vito. I listened to KK Carl talk and Chrissy too, and your points were my exact thoughts. But of course, KK Carl doesn't bring in those clips. Are you talking about the clips of her going to a shitty venue? Because, yeah. What venue have you got? I had, what is it, Stephen Torres' house. Wrigley's Comedy Chew?

Wrigley's Comedy Chew. Hey, Wrigley's Comedy Chew is a storied institution. There's this guy, this kid that threw up in the backyard. Stephen Torres, of course. The owner and proprietor of Wrigley's Comedy Chew. Petty for five. It's a cookie, Vito.

A lot of people are afraid of women these days. Yeah, you should be. Transphobia. Voting up. Riley Edwards for 220. Vito had a DoorDash date during Chrissy's show.

Well. JJ for two. Give this to Mallort for that stinger. No. Going to me. Clark Assaurus for two. Biggest problem in the universe

Is not enough podcast bits Oh you got some bits tonight folks You got bits for days You got Tim Kool You got a lot of bits You got Sergeant Slaughter Scott Adams Oh yeah

Antoids for two Gee who would host stand up At some guy's house Fuck you Again Wrigley's Comedy Chew Is a fantastic venue A big ol' mint salad Or should I say big old mint salad.

Or should I say tiny little mint salad. We love her, but she put a big number on the board. 100 American dollars for mint salad. I'll support real artists like Vito and Justin Roiland, regardless of what the rest of society says about them. Don't forget to support mint salad at fansly.com slash tits. Oh, really? Tits mint salad. T slash tits. Oh, really? Yeah. Tits mint salad.

Tits mint salad. Okay. Mallort and Savior are voted up stinger saviors for the night. 11 bucks, good. 11 bucks. So he didn't get $9.99. Exactly. Good job.

The voted up stinger was made by Chicago-based trash band Mallort and Savior, not Mallort. Well, there you go, guys. Mallort and Savior. Haveort well there you go guys Malort and Savior have you ever had Malort I don't is that a beer what is it have you ever had Malort I have never had Malort oh yeah yeah yeah you've never had Malort it's a type of liquor have you ever had it

I have told you no it's probably the best it's probably the best tasting liquor ever made I feel like you're lying to me Would I lie? If it was the best tasting liquor ever made It wouldn't be sitting on that shelf

That you never touch I'm saving it I'm saving it For what? A special occasion For someone You're only tricking me into drinking it No

For someone who's never had Malort before Because I've had it I had a bottle I immediately drank the whole thing because it was so good. All right. Well. Do you want a shot of it? Not right now.

Good. I don't want you to have any of it. But if you ever do want it. I'll consider it. It's right over there. Well, Malort and Savior, I'm sure people can Google them, find their music. Maybe we'll put a link in the description. Yeah.

And don't forget, if you have a voted up stinger, to send it to biggestproblemshow at gmail.com. I know a couple others have sent in their stingers, and we may play them on future episodes. We're going to keep them in the pocket. MintSalad with another five says, I have at autistic boobs on Twitter now. By the way, boys, follow MintSalad at autistic boobs.

Yeah. I like MintSalad at Autistic Boobs. Yeah. I like Mint Salad. She's fun. Me too. John Riffs for five. Vito, if Tim Pool ever puts you in a self-defense situation or tries to play his music, just grab his beanie. That's his Achilles heel.

Did you know that? I think there's like a little alien. It's got like his brain stems under that hat. Like Men in Black? Yeah. You take it off, it's got like a little, yeah, little guys Are controlling him I'm talking to some people

On Twitter We're gonna make An emo core Pop punk anthem To rival Tim Pool For real though Cause I wrote that script

Of the thing Of the sketch That we came up with And now it's like Oh no It's not good enough We're gonna do that too There's all these things

That you're gonna do But nothing ever gets done When is this going to happen? I'm right now Finishing up the Indiegogo page For Super Killer Okay I'm going to launch the campaign

Okay Next The next week or two On April Fool's Day Not on April Fool's Day Maybe a couple days after We should do the blackface thing At Josh Denny's show

We're not going to do The blackface thing Anytime soon Well that's exactly Exactly Keep going with that Keep going with that. Keep going with that. I am not.

If I'm going to do blackface, it's not going to be a Gavin McGinnis, Anthony Cumia show. This guy. That's the last place that I'm going to do blackface. I said I would never do it. I said I would never do blackface at this show because Andy Cumia's here and then Vito comes in with shoe polish fucking smashes it all over my face.

I was just excited to go on No Jumper. And right before the show, Dick Madison corners me in the bathroom and forces blackface makeup all over me. Adam, I'm so sorry that this has happened. I knew you would say that. That's why I wrote it down. I have a recording of Dick saying that he was going to do blackface. I have a recording of Dick saying that he was going to be blackface. I have a recording of me saying that I was going to trick Vito into being blackface. I have a legal document saying, all right, this is a bit in the hell.

It's like the greatest bit. We'll figure it out. Superkiller.org, get on the mailing list. The campaign is coming in the next week or two. Britsman for two. How much money in Superchats to mail me a crossword? No way. Not happening.

I don't even have any. Get out of here. You do have Winner's Drink, though, now available on the Android App Store. Oh, yeah, yeah. How's that selling? Number one. Number one in what? Casual games.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's number one in casual games? It seems like a pretty big category. Well, it is. All right. Number one, Winner's Drink. Apostrophe or no? Did games. It seems like a pretty big category. Well, it is. All right. Number one, winner's drink. Apostrophe or no?

Did you ever figure it out? No. Good. Andy Aldridge for five. Don't read my name. Justin Roiland is innocent. Sorry, Andy. P90.

You'll get over it. P90X plus DVD rip. Hindu subs English for five. Says the faint background laughter brings me back to the old days of BPI to you. Candy Randy. No, it's not Randy. It's not Randy. No.

Coup for five. Dick of a stunning and beautiful woman who can park his elected president. You got to be fair. Oh, wait. I didn't get the R. No, the R didn't come out. I said you got be No you were Did those wrists break the plane

You fucking got it I'm gonna need an instant replay on that one I'm gonna go back Bullshit go up fuck you Koof Here here It's gonna be way behind I didn't get the R I didn't get the R How I didn't get the arc.

It was right there. It was right there. For Stu, how much money in Super Chats to mail me a crossword? Use the arrow key on the keyboard. God, he's... Like left or right. I didn't come out. Go left.

Mark is elected president. You got to be fa... See? That counts. No, that doesn't count. You got to be fa... I didn't say it. Give me a doesn't count. You gotta be flat. I didn't say it. Give me a reversal.

Scott. Scott. Thank you. Almost. But no cigar. What? Really? So close.

Wait. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.. Listen. Listen. I think you can say to be fair... I think you can't stop a fair I think to be fair I think to be fair I think to be fair I think to be fair I think to be fair I think to be fair on the cusp Cause I think you can say To be fair Like you can't stop A fair without saying R I think

To be fair Like once you get the Ah sound out You're in That's it I'm giving you I'll give you half credit You don't give me shit

I'll say I'll say I suck I'll bring a linguist in here But I No no Saying

I suck To be But you're not getting... Fine. To be... That's fine. To be fa... You're done.

That's it. If I get to be... I can't say it now. That's fine. But to be fa... Once you get the A out, it's done. I think the audience should decide. Let us know in the comments.

Was that a true TBF? Yeah. Or was that a fake out? I'm going to say it's a fake out. Let's ask the guy who paid. See if he feels good. If he feels good, then it's... I think if he could feel good, he got me pretty good.

He got you. No, he didn't get me. It's Koof, too. I know it was Koof. He got close, but no cigar. You know, swung out at the plate. Clap trap to destroyer for 10. Dick, where'd you get your shirt

I need it Um Oh I don't These are like an old Kiwi farm Yeah that's gonna be an ancient one That's an old Kiwi farm shirt Petty for 20

Price per head of cattle Has been fairly This is gonna be a trick Has been Did I already get screwed Has been fairly constant Despite the cost of feed Increasing significantly

Most of the inflation and price. Okay. This is a trick. I got it. Thank you, Patty. Something needs TBF decided. It is 20 bucks, but you already got a TBF out of me. How about that one goes to that one. Riley Edwards for five 50 veto still promotes the vaccine after you can't say that on the show. This is why we get the monetized. we say that. Bob Saget did die. Bob Saget died. Bob Saget was vaccinated. Those are two statements.

Did he die suddenly? There was a sudden death. And you kind of caused it. I'm not saying that. It's not what I'm saying. Pop quiz for $19.99. I should have donated an extra dollar, but I'll accept it. The national anthem is not straight.

Yeah, I agree. Very true. Pete Oxenham for $19.99. I love you, Vito. Heart, heart, heart. Heart eyes, stupid emoji, something, something. What is that one right before the syringe? Okay.

Probably. That's for the vaccine. Me, 04120 for five-2-0 for five. I carry earplugs everywhere I go ever since Tim Pool started making music. You got TBF to this lady at the bar. Petty for two. Uganda did nothing wrong. Oh!

Why are you gay? You are gay. I was going to bring in Uganda as a problem, but there's just too much to cover. Why? I need a list. They got a lot of problems in Uganda. Not anymore, they don't. They just criminalized homosexuality.

Shut up. They just made homosexuality illegal in a million different ways. That's not good. Lemon Trash E for GBP2. Jordan Peterson sobbed listening to a live band. That's true. I can't wait. I'm going to listen to that on my show.

I got to watch that clip. Oh, it's so bad. DKDeadCat for five. The man who killed Pat Tillman's name is Stephen Elliott. You should get him on the show since he does interviews and knows Jack Murphy. Stephen Elliott. Okay. Yeah.

I gotta blow him. Jesus Christ. Stephen Elliott. Fuck Pat Tillman. Stop that. What? He died. He's a hero.

They're all heroes. I'm glad he got shot. I'm glad he died With friendly fire This is worse than Ashley Babbitt Why? Pat Tillman

If he would have If the US government Would have told Pat Tillman To rape kids He would have done it 100% He would have shot them Shot their mom

And raped the kids I don't think that's true I think that's A wild assumption He's in the military You're supposed to do whatever they say. Sure. And he had a small dick.

Jesus fucking Christ. I heard that. I did not know you felt this strongly about Pat Tillman. I wish I could have killed him myself. If I could quantum leap. Sure. People say they want to kill Hitler. I would travel back in time and kill Pat Tillman, even though he was killed.

Now I know how you feel when I talk about Ashley Babbitt. Now I get it. I finally get it. Um, yeah. Wait, why? You like pro Pat Tillman? I just, you know, he died unfortunately. I don't think he was. Why?

Because he got shot. He was in fucking Iraq. A lot of guys were in Iraq and too many of them came home Jesus fucking Christ LP Dirty T for $1.99 watch out for the seasoning police

Kara Froh moderator of the stars for $15 great show thank you Kara Bloodman 98 for $5 can't wait to see my favorite alt-right podcast in Philly Next month coming to Philly The April 22nd Gonna be great Is anything else going on before the show

I don't know What are you doing Drinking I'm saying Do like a meet up You and Carl The fans want to see everybody God damn it for 5 like, I don't know, whatever. Do like a meetup, you know? You and Carl. You need to get together. The fans want to see everybody.

God damn it for five. Question for Vito. Did you call the cat over to you or did you hunt her down like a Q-tip in your hand like some kind of creepy Steve Irwin? Yeah. I think the cat came to me. Did you put the Q-tip like this? No, I didn't Wolverine Q-tip my cat. I just held it. It's more like X-22, actually.

What's Wolverine's clown daughter? X-23? Two. Only two. See, I have two things in my hand. X-23 does have three claws. No. Do you know where the third claw is?

Right in her pussy. Incorrect. She has two claws in each hand and one in each foot so she can climb walls. Hey, did you know

in that movie Everything Everywhere all at the same time? Yes. They call, they say a, they point out a Jewish woman

and they say the one with the big nose and that won an Oscar. Can you believe that? Amazing. I did not know that. There's an African-American gentleman on YouTube who was upset about my comments on April O'Neil. Why?

Because I said she should be hot. She shouldn't be eating so much cornstarch. Right. Well. They got April O'Neil down in the sewer. I should have. Give me that strong. I'll have to bring it in next week.

But he goes, I'm not going to listen to what April O'Neil should be like from two white guys who have a podcast about Black History Month. And then he showed our show. Well, you know what? Maybe I'm anti-reparations now. He should watch the Black History Month. We were very pro-Black History Month in that bonus episode. It's a good bonus episode.

I guess. Whatever. We love the black community. We want you all to get reparations. Princess Dolly, 550. Looking handsome as well. 550. Now that's a total, Canadians.

Stop with this $4.99. Looking handsome as always, Mr. Masterson. Great show as always, you two. Thanks for the laughs. Thank you. Is that a real lady? Princess Dolly. No, it's a trans lady, I'm sure.

Why do you say it like that? Because women aren't going to watch this show. Come on. I don't know. This Uzumaki Uchiha. Looks like a woman. I don't know. What's she got on her playlist?

Let's see. J-Rock. J-Rock. Is that a workout? What kind of workouts? It's a workout mix. I don't know if I can play this because we'll get. Yeah, because of the music.

It might have N-words or something in it. All right. I have no idea Asian lady Maybe it's a real lady Thanks I'm always surprised when actual women listen to this horribly misogynist filth that spills out of your mouth What's misogynist about what I said? You're right, you love women

Riley Edwards for 220 Vito looking good with his sharp jawline Thank you, Riley Aaron Wentworth for 550. Vito thinking wine plateaus and quality compared to value remembers reminds me of someone from a very old episode. They have done studies that wine tasters

have been presented wines of various qualities and price points and can barely tell them apart. Two Buck Chuck is full of fucking chemicals, bro. It's just like Charles Schwab would not do that to their valuable customers It's like stems That's all wine is to begin with

It's all garbage It's grapes Anybody can grow a grape they've been doing it for a million years You grow some fucking grapes you step on them with your Dirty french feet and you pour it into A bottle like an animal and people Pretend it's fancy. Wine is grape juice.

Children drink wine. You drink as a treat for yourself every day. A Mountain Dew amp. A 40-ounce of Mountain Dew amp. Is it a 40? I don't know if it's 40. It's a pint. Sorry. It's not a regular can.

It's like a 32. I saw a mystery box video Where a woman shaved her head For a quarter Says the gentleman sausage That's We gotta do the mystery box shit If we just make Let's do mystery box videos

But they're just like The mystery box just has Something fucking terrible in them Like an abortion Like a picture of Right I just go Oh we were gonna donate

A hundred dollars To like a dying kid But now we're going to donate $100 to a dying kid, but now we're just going to spend it on a skateboard because you picked the mystery bags. David Gomez for two. The guy laughing in the back made stuff even funnier. Let's bring him back. Yeah, I agree.

David March is here. The great David March for $22 Canadian dollars. Vito once told me the best thing about electronic blackjacks is you can swear at the dealer as much as you want, but security won't throw you out somehow I feel like Dick would see that as a challenge yeah if you go to Vegas you ever play the electronic blackjack with a fake like virtual dealer

yeah you can just call her anything you want yeah you can go wild at slots yeah um me and David March sat down and I just kept going no see you get better cards if you call her a cunt and it worked and we did really good yeah I was like you call her a cunt And it worked And we did really good Cunt Yeah, I was like, you fucking slut, you cunt, you bitch And then she was giving us, like, fucking great cards

That's how you break It's a little uncomfortable for me It's a cheat code Oh, okay, too much The C word Monkey Bros for 10 went from crappy retail to a quiet solo baking job I never looked back And now I can watch the show live

Go Sharks! Pride for the Sharks Gay Sh for the Sharks Gay Sharks Gay Sharks Who's gay? We are Gay Sharks Ladies and gentlemen You're San Jose Trans Sharks

And gay and black people Scroll down a little bit Dun dun dun dun There we go, alright Let me see what we got here. Dun, dun, dun, dun. There we go. All right. Let me see if my mouse is working now. It was always working.

You're just impatient. No, it's not. It's not working. Yes, it is. It was lighting up other things. See? It's right there. I can't. I'm using the scroll wheel and nothing's happening.

I don't know about that. I can't speak to the scroll wheel. Well, I need the scroll wheel if I'm going to scroll, buddy. You just got to fucking calm down. Look, it works. Eventually. Well, the scroll wheel's broken and it's slow as hell. You just got to fucking calm down. Look, it works. Eventually. Well, the scroll wheel's broken, and it's slow as hell. Okay, well, you don't get a mouse then.

I don't get a mouse. Clive chapter destroyer for 10. Vito coming undone last episode was hilarious. Glad you're seeing higher spirits today. Yeah, can you guys stop reporting my tweets to Twitter? Because I always get the, hey, we heard you might kill yourself fucking warning. And I'm like, just. You think you're going to kill yourself?

Well, yeah, because I post about killing myself All the time on Twitter Just let me do that Just a little attention seeking That's what you get See If you keep saying that I'm gonna kill myself And then it won't be

Attention seeking anymore I'll make money off that I'll buy the t-shirt Let's see People washing their chicken With vinegar and lemon Says David Gomez For five

It's probably from when Chicken was going bad In poor times And they needed to eat it Yeah but that doesn't what does that even mean what do you mean it doesn't make it go less bad to rub a vinegar on it i'll try to make sense out of it credo fail for 10 can we have a call to prayer done by scott adams not for 10 bucks not for 10 bucks but we appreciate it uh we'll add it to uh add it to the pile david gomez for five i got Vito to say TBF on his stream This is the other half point for the Unfinished fair oh

I can say it on my stream that's not Against the rules Yeah it is no it's not if you send me David if you send me that clip Then that I will play that's Not true I'll do it I don't know I'll do it Bro they're not gonna start hunting me down on

Other streams guess what V Bro they're not gonna start hunting me down on other streams Guess what Vito You're not safe nowhere We'll hunt you down wherever you are Even if there's no Recordings happening We'll find you If you're trying to shoplift at Target again

And you're saying to be fair While you're shoplifting we'll get you Well I think that's gonna to become quite a predicament. I still enjoy saying it. I've got to be able to say it somewhere. Nope. Anime hole rapist. What a username for 1999 says money.

That's the best super chat of all. Thank you. Thank you. And David Gomez for two. Ashley Babbitt shooting noises. Pat Tillman. Ashley Babbitt Shooting noises Pat Tillman Ashley Babbitt George Floyd

Jimmy Carter I bet I could arm wrestle Pat Tillman and beat him Especially now Those skeletons Are pretty powerful I'd pay I'd probably pay

5,000 bucks for his skeleton. Princess Dolly for $5.50 says, I'm not a trans woman, Vito. Sorry to disappoint. I'm just a woman who enjoys your guy's style of horrible misogyny. Lol, keep it up. That's a transphobic joke. I don't believe you. You're probably a guy.

No guy would say that. No sane woman would listen to this show. She's not sane. That's true. What say that. No sane woman would listen to this show. She's not sane. That's true. What do you mean a sane woman? You're touching the head like every other woman who listens to this nonsense. Guys, show me. No sane woman would suck this cock and swallow all this cum.

Shut up. They're all crazy. Look, give me my list of my top supporters for the month. Guys, don't forget to support the show at biggestproblem.show. You can vote on all the problems. Join the Patreon at patreon.com slash biggestproblem and get access to the newest bonus episode, The Biggest Problem in Mario.

Great bonus episode from both of us. And support the show at back.by slash biggestproblem. Dick, anything else people need to know? I can't believe that David Gomez guy opened up, to be fair, to everything that you're doing. Yeah, that's bullshit. And it's not, I don't even. You're going to get like 100 clips. It's stupid. It's just going to be that you're doing. Yeah, that's bullshit. And it's not, I don't even, you're going to get like a hundred clips.

It's stupid. It's just going to be like a million clips. What are you going to do? Have a montage at the beginning of every show? I think you know that. Yeah, I will. Okay, good. You're going to spend all this time editing the other montage and then you're going to

change your mind. Play it again. Superkiller.org. Sign up for the mailing list now. We'll see you in Philadelphia. And take care of yourself. Thank you for not killing yourself. Bye. Bye.