The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 86

Episode Date: April 15, 2023

Short Attention Spans, Stock Market Morons, Google Doodle Dummies, Cover Charges

Sounds good to me. Yeah, sounds good. Sounds good to me. Sounds good! Did Dick promote the biggest problem on PKA? I don't remember. I think I did. I promoted us on Drug and Peasants, but that's not as big.

Oh, you know what I said? I said on PKA, I called them all out. I said, yeah, you guys are really super selective about who you bring on because you won't even bring Vito Giswaldi on, because you guys think he's a pedophile. That's not why. Is that why? You didn't say that.

I don't care. I just make stuff up. None of it was related to reality at all. That's the best part. Did they say anything about me? They said, we want to get him on. No, we do want to get him on. We want to get him on.

No, no, no. It's good. It's good that they've waited to get me on, because then my Kickstarter will be live. But your Twitter won't be Yeah, what do you have to say something My Twitter's been banned. Oh, no. Still not cute enough. Oh, no.

Hold on. Hold on. S, drop. Oh, no. This thing's fucked too? Drop. Is the whole thing broke? Why do you keep changing the folder path?

I don't know, man. Why does anyone do anything? Oh! Veto's Twitter. Veto's Twitter. Oh, do anything? Oh! Veto's Twitter. Veto's Twitter. Veto being Veto on Twitter. It's the end of that song. Can't do this bit anymore.

Veto's Twitter. Veto's Twitter. Veto's Twitter. Veto being Veto on Twitter. Oh! It's all over for me, folks. Veto on Twitter. Veto on Twitter.

Veto being Veto on Twitter. Say goodbye to Think about this song Think about this bit Think about all of it It's all over I got me again I got God They got me What do you mean? The lollicons got me, dick

They baited me Oh, they did? They're so good at it What did they do? They called me a pedophile for an hour until I called them a pedophile, and then I was the one who got banned. Isn't that ironic? Don't you think?

That you of all people. Yeah. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? Called a pedophile when everyone thinks you're a pedophile. They called me a pedophile on the internet. And now I'm banned from my Twitter account. How angry were you when you posted this?

I thought it would just kind of get their goat. You know, I know these lolly types. It's funny. Everybody pedophiles. Why would it get there? All of them coming at me are literally all their fucking usernames are like based lolly enjoyer like I fuck Lollies and I was like cool Yeah, real cool cool guys though, and I told them to go fuck

I'm saying on here. Yeah. Well, it's not Twitter Voices yet, so and they all reported me because they said i was encouraging them to abuse children why do you have no one needs encouragement to abuse you no one in history has ever needed look ceo of lolly slaying 7 000 views i have no idea how all right let's uh let's see this endlessly let's see this uh ceo of lolly ceo lollyolly slang Oh they're all celebrating That they The Lollies won Oh no They got

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Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey A pedo-pyric victory A pyric victory Alright We both went down So they got the CEO of Lolly slaying Yeah, I guess they took them down Wow I mean, I've sent a thing to Twitter

And I said, listen A bunch of What are you guys, pedophiles? Well, I said First of all, they've banned the term Lolly From the search on Twitter I don't think they like these Lolly guys And I'm like

Lolly likes them I'm like, I was arguing with them. And first of all, I don't, I don't care if you're in the lolly really, but when all of you come at me and you go,

fuck you, you fucking pedo. And I'm like, you guys are the pedophiles. So, whatever. As Dick has pointed out, I will now no longer

be able to promote my comic on Twitter, which means the show. Or this show. I could promote it on this show. That's not part of it. No, no, no. You can't promote this show on your Twitter.

So now everything is on me. No, I could promote the show on YouTube or whatever else. How often do you do that? All the time. A lot of times. How do you do that? When do you do that? I have some videos that in the corner, there's a little ad that says go listen to The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

It needs to be bigger. It needs to be bigger and it needs to be said out loud. Every time I go on a show, I say listen to this show. You go on shows, you listen to the dick show. It's the only show I do and I don't do any other shows. Alright? I said it on PKA. I was in a

big fight with Harley Morgenstein. Yeah. or whatever his last name is point is now my comic book campaign is going to fail and i'm going to jump off a bridge now you have like a legit excuse for why it failed though that's true i can go before it was just nobody liked me on twitter anyway though so and i think i think it's gonna be okay i think anybody following me on twitter was probably hate following me. Okay. Anyone who really follows me, follows me here, or follows me on YouTube. Yeah.

So hopefully it's all going to be okay. I had Evito's Twitter queued up. That's a good one. That's a good joke. Come on. This is what you said before, which was, nothing gets my knob a cranking like some lolly. That guy Chris That's from Chris. Yeah Chris that woman the non-binary person. Non-binary

Mr. Beast. And you said he's just like he just like me for real. So you're making fun of black people too. And I'm making fun of there's no jokes on the internet anymore. What's the punchline of that? The punchline of that is that he was joking. Nothing gets my knob a cranking like Somali

Well your knob, first of all Typical woman Your knob doesn't a crank You crank your knob Nothing gets me cranking my knob I think it's funny to say nothing gets my knob a cranking I think that's a funny twist of the phrase Because he's a woman now

Or is he a woman or is he not binary? He's not binary So he's still a man he could be anything he's just like me for real come on that's funny that's a good joke anyway no more good jokes from me on twitter unless you maybe find some other account why do you always have to joke about pedophiles and stuff though not always

what else do you joke about lots of stuff I post all the fucking time it's just anytime I make a pedophile joke which is like once a month maybe Not always. What else do you joke about? Lots of stuff. I post all the fucking time. Oh. It's just any time I make a pedophile joke, which is like once a month maybe, at most, everybody goes, oh, I can't believe. It's like your period that you have. I can't believe Vito would say that. But look, man, I'm never going to stop making pedophile jokes.

They're always going to be funny. Well, then you're always going to be banned. That's fine. I don't care. Oh, don't you want to promote your comic and stuff? I can't exist Don't you want to like promote your comic and stuff I can't exist In this world anymore I can't

I can't figure out how to do it I don't belong here I don't belong in like the old west I was born too late to explore And be a gold pioneer And too young to explore the galaxy Something like that I think I would be a good like French aristocrat Gold pioneer And too young To explore the galaxy Yeah something like that Something like that

I think I would be a good Like uh French aristocrat Hanging out with all Is that where Getting my head cut off You Are very bad at etiquette

You would not last A second In French court I'd be a good I'd be a good I'd be a good Pedophile jester In the medieval times

I don't belong anywhere I never I never will I Am just so sick Of everything I hate all the lying I hate all the deception From liberals? From everyone

And then I call it out and then people get mad At me because they're like We're just lying what's wrong with lying Can't we just lie and I'm like No you can lie too You can lie too. Stop. You also can lie too. Come on, man. Why don't you also lie?

And I'm like, what kind of lying are you talking about right now? I think one of your problems is going to dip into it, but all sorts of shit. The whole anti-woke, woke,

whatever the fuck. I like when you're so depressed that you can't even pretend like the show business part just like vanishes. No, the show business comes back. It always comes back. I don't like this. I mean the show business comes back. It always comes back.

I don't like this. I mean, I don't care. I like both sides. I'm just saying. Why don't we start the show? I'm banned! Kyle 2. Big E.

I'm Scott Kyle. Problem in the Universe. Welcome to Big Eves Problem in the Universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From easy mode hacks to civil rights for the blacks. That was by Bunch Bob. Bunch Bob. Bunch Spob Pairsquants

Bunch Spob Pairsquants I'm Dick Masterson, your host joining me is always World famous Twitter comedian Why don't you go fuck a kid, pedo? Is that what you said, the guy you banned? Pretty much Oh yeah? Oh yeah? I had sex with your wife.

What if they had said that on Seinfeld? If George said, oh, yeah? Why don't you go fuck a kid, you pedophile? You think that would have been a good ratings for them? I don't know. I don't get the rules. The rules don't make any sense to me. And you're right.

I can say it on here. Why can't I say it on Twitter? Because the machine learning, bro. They can't machine learn podcasts yet. They machine learn it on here. Why can't I say it on Twitter? Because the machine learning, bro. They can't machine learn podcasts yet. They machine learn everything on Twitter, and they won't. They gave away the Twitter algorithm. That was a fake. They gave away the algorithm, but they didn't give away the machine learning weights.

So you have no idea what they penalize and promote. And I got a feeling. I just got a weird feeling they crammed it full of. I'll say this. I mean, people can still find the tweet threads and if any of you want to go through and report all the lolly bastards who did this to me,

get them all banned. The pedophiles, you mean. Yeah, the pedophiles. Don't mince words. Have fun. Go nuts with that. Because they all work together. A little fucking enclave of anime child fuckers Conspired to ruin my day

It's gonna be fine Everything's gonna be fine Ow you're totally fucked My YouTube views are in the toilet You're totally fucked you have no promotion I have other places to promote Okay You need a big win

I'm never gonna get one I'm not getting one Now you need a big win Man at this point in one I'm not getting one Now you need a big win Man at this point In your career In your life It's all downhill from here You need

This is like life aquatic for you Steve Zizou You need one big win Out of this I'm gonna have to sell Everything I own And move to the woods It would take you

The rest of your life To sell all those computers And fucking toys And stuff Or whatever I'll sell it all at once I'm gonna sell everything I own I'm gonna move to the woods.

I'm going to live in a trailer. And no one will ever hear from me again. And when I die, my cats will eat my corpse. You're bringing your cats to the woods? Where else am I going to bring them? Well, they're not going to last long out there. They're not going to live in the woods. We're going to live in a trailer.

An RV is what I've explained. You're not going to let them outside? I'll let them walk around a little bit.'s it all right owls coyotes coyotes yeah look i get that there's dangers out there then fine they're not allowed to leave the trailer cool i've seen i've seen my future dick it's not good yeah you're five out of five mickeys you said on the bonus episode of depressed is mickey uh uh what is a mickey well you could rank things out of five mickeys why why do you rank them this way you could have well you know mickey mouse right you could have one mickey that's

that's poor two mickeys is good why did you choose Mickey Mouse as the Standard of measurement Well what do you want it to be Little Stars Like raped Lolly things You want it to be Five lolly raped things I'm actually gonna have to

Figure out this AI technology And just Generate I'm gonna have to Catfish people I'm gonna Virtually catfish men

To make money Like Andrew Tate did Yeah I think I'd be good at it No one talks about how he pretended to be the cam whore Is that he was keeping prisoners in his house To defraud men out of money That's based, right? That's Islamic

Taking pictures with his nose Talking to guys and being like, I wanna see your big dick That's cool Yeah, he was doing that For money What a badass No one even mentions it Kind of drives me nuts How does

He's probably talking to underage guys too Maybe he was This is like a nightmare society we live in Where it's like how do you make money And it's like oh I go online and I trick men Into thinking I want to suck their dick And that I play chess Yeah

Or I make a podcast on the internet And I hope to God Podcast the internet And I hope to God Podcast is good though I hope to God The audience doesn't discover That uh None of this matters They don't know

I don't know what's going on They're trying They need us to keep them alive For a week That's what I've learned Of eight years Of doing the dick show It's literally

How much longer How much longer What? Just this All this this human experience I could do it forever Yeah I could be the last one

I bet you didn't see that one Episode 100 You're gonna cut to me In a brown paper bag As I slowly pull out The Budweiser revolver And go Vito no

No no no You got some Hold on hold on Hold on hold on Hold on Hold on And then Episode 100.

108. That'll be episode 108. The live show is going to be next weekend. Shawnees are coming out on 420. More Shawnees. I know you're excited about that. Everyone be nice to me at the live show. I don't need another dick show

where a guy comes up to me and goes, you know, you ruined the dick show. Why am I even fucking here? Why do I do any of this? Thankfully, the people who listen to this show, they must like something about what I'm doing. Do the Carl fans like you?

I don't know. After you flicked on them? Did you go back on? Well, unfortunately for WATP, I think the first time I went on I thought it was good Okay, second time was like a little weird. We just couldn't that format is hard for you Well, it's hard if you don't find a good podcast to rip on cuz I picked a pot I was like, oh this would be a fun podcast and I went through it. I'm like shit. I can't find any like good clips Yeah, I always can though. Yeah Carl saves it.. Actually, the second time it went on was good.

We did some guy that he had found, and that was fun. Oh, okay. Well, that's good. Are you ready for the winner? Yes. Easy mode in video games is the winner. That's you. And then the Civil Rights Act was number two.

Right, because all my problems are dog shit. I contribute nothing of value. Nazis are too cool. That's a good problem. It's very true. Yeah, but it requires you to be, like, anti-Semitic if you're voting for it. It doesn't require you to be anti-Semitic. Nothing of value Nazis are too cool That's a good problem And it's very true See Yeah but It requires you to be like Anti-Semitic

If you're voting for it It doesn't require you to be anti-Semitic You can say Nazis are cool I didn't say the Jew killing was cool See Now it's conflicting Yeah Alright

What do you got Seatbelt laws was last Yeah People thought that I Was bringing that problem in to try And appeal to the libertarians in the Audience. Guys, I just Genuinely think there's not that

Somebody thought they're like, Vito thought he could get He like understood Dick's audience of like But he doesn't understand that we fucking love Seatbelts. Like we love freedom But we also love seatbelts I don't love seatbelts. I'm like man I was trying to metagamebelts. I don't love seatbelts. What do you mean, we? I was trying to metagame it, man. I don't think that hard about this shit. I was just like, yeah,

seatbelt laws are dumb. I don't want to wear my fucking seatbelt. Other people had another theory of why you brought it in. Maybe we'll find something. Okay. Benjamin Swearingen says, Dick's punishment for missing it, to be fair, is Vito gets to write a tweet on Dick's account and he can't delete it.

That'd be pretty good. Now, especially now that you have no other thing and I'll use it for promoting the comic, which you should retweet anyway, but I can't read, I would retweet it, but I can't. Right. Just don't say any pedophile stuff. I won't say, I don't, don't tell anyone to fuck kids. Even if it's like funny meta joke, fucking Twitter. If I get that Twitter account back, what I should have done has been like, this account has the most followers, so I'm not going to use it.

I don't know. Just stop telling people to fuck kids. Stop talking about pedophiles. They always get me into it. Just stop talking about it. I don't know why you can't do it. I don't know. They always bait me Who the kids

Cause they go like You're that fucking pedophile And I go You're that fucking pedophile And they go I'm not a pedophile And I'm like You can't say stuff like

Go shoot up a school Like you can't say crimes I never said go shoot up a school Did I But would you ever Yeah I would probably That sounds like something I would say You cannot do Like you can't say crimes I never said go shoot up a school did I But would you ever You cannot do that Look you're being graded By computers

You're not being graded by real people You're being judged By a computer algorithm Exactly like chat GPT So just think like that Okay so I'm fucked There's no don't stand the things in my head. I can't not say these things You're like a black guy that gets shot by the cops like what do you mean?

Like just fucking stop put your hands up and say why I don't because I was speeding officer like oh Sometimes I have that self-control And sometimes I look at the cop And I go well just fucking shoot me then Just fucking shoot me then Alright I identify with the black guys in those videos I'm sure John can you

Can you people strop Wasting your time trying to get Vito to lose weight I'm sick of hearing your comments and voicemails Of her to go to Go to get Vito to lose weight. I'm sick of hearing your comments and voicemails of her to go to gym, Vito. Eat healthy, Vito. You're wasting valuable time, which could be used on more hilarious bits. I just ordered some of that semi-glutide. Oh, you did?

Yeah. Apparently you can get it from... Mexico. Yeah, Mexico. I don't know if it's from Mexico or not, but... India. But now I'm all worried because some people are saying like, oh, no, it's just like wastes away your muscles or some shit. You got to work out.

Yeah, I'm going to do all of it. It's all going to be great. Just, yeah, okay. You going to take it, though? Yeah, I'm going to inject it right into my fucking eyeballs. It's amazing. You're going to lose like 40 pounds. We'll see.

Probably. Apparently, it just makes you not want to eat yeah that's weird like a normal person well it makes it makes food travel slower through your digestive tract i believe it never comes out i heard i don't want that it gets closer to your asshole from the inside and it never you take the pill and it's like you eat one meal and it spends all day inside you so you don't feel like You have to eat anymore So Yeah

Look I'll take shortcuts all day I don't care Stop drinking that Mountain Dew too It's not a Mountain Dew It's a Sprite I don't know why I ordered that for you either I could have said

I could have changed it On the order of Diet Sprite Do they have Diet Sprite? I'm not drinking a lot of it I'm drinking a little bit Look I need like Water I don't want water I need like a little bit Look I need like Water I don't want water

I need like a little sugar To help pick me up From the fact that my life Has been destroyed And I've lost my By you By your decisions Not by me

By fucking lolly Degenerate assholes Who think it's based To want to rape A bunch of anime kids Okay And the irony is That I don't even care

That they do that but they're turning it around on me um lambertar says i was gonna buy veto's comic but then he started trying to manipulate me by saying he's gonna kill himself if i don't not trying to manipulate you i am telling you the actual situation i'm a man at the edge Of the fucking cliff Are you gonna do Falling down Like Michael Douglas If you're not I don't know

Maybe I did download that movie In the last week or so Yeah You go to Burger King Yeah I got that tiny little burger You guys have any more

Of those Pokemon toys In the kids meals How come I go to Why does McDonald's Not have Mario toys right now? There's a Mario movie going on. I ran out of license. I want some Mario toys Look I'm not trying to manipulate you gay guys running the market. I'll say this I'm poke

I'm not going to kill myself probably but It is one of those things where I'm like, I don't know what to do anymore YouTube's fucked nobody watches YouTube videos unless I lie to them. If I made a video, you know, we're going to talk all about that later, but all people want us to be lied to. And I don't do that. So I can't get any views. You've been a lifelong liberal. You never, never lie. Okay. I don't know what to talk about. Trump is a racist. I just want to talk about movies, but if I make a video that's like, hey, a cool movie's coming out, no one clicks it. What's a cool movie that's coming out?

Like, I heard, what do you call it? I mean, like, I'm excited. I still haven't gotten to see it. The fucking Dungeons and Dragons movie is doing really well. Yeah, it looks cool. They just announced some cool stuff. I forget. Sounds like an exciting catalog of movies that are coming out. But if I make a video that says

Wolf Hollywood is going to make your kid gay and this Star Wars is going to rape your mom, then everybody would click on it and I just can't bring myself to do it, so I don't know what to do. And then people go, why don't you make comedy videos again? I'm like, oh, you mean like all the comedy videos I make that are

demonetized and that I can't make any money off of and that video will probably get demonetized because it'll actually be funny. Well, Elon Musk's rolling out like a video platform. Oh. Every cool video I made, like the bathwater thing with Belle Delphine, demonetized. Yeah. The Pepsi, Berkeley thing, demonetized. Oh, you're talking about drinking a whore's bathwater.

Yeah, it's funny. Who do you want to advertise on that? I don't know, man. All I know is that if this comic fails, I'm out of options in terms of... So how much do you want it to hit? I know you said if it gets below 1,000'll kill yourself But what's like a Good amount of sales If it hit like 40 50 thousand I would be very happy

I mean all these other grifters managed to hit like 80 thousand 100 thousand Yeah okay They probably won't I don't know I have no idea They only get But they get to like 80,000 They only have like

They have like less than A thousand backers Oh they do The numbers are weird Yeah like 800 people Will get them there So you want A thousand backers

Yeah Okay Not a thousand dollars Oh I thought it was a thousand No no I thought it was A thousand copies Okay so you're saying A thousand copies So you want a thousand No, no, I thought it was a thousand copies Okay, so you're saying

A thousand copies So you want a thousand backers So the average copy is 25 bucks But then like I'm hoping people will want to buy like some of the other stuff That was available Get yourself a little plushie or something I have all that stuff, yeah All that stuff's there

Get yourself a pin, right? There's pins, there's all sorts of things Honestly, it's going to fail and I'm fail And I don't know what I'm gonna do I have no idea what I'm gonna do I'm freaking out It's gonna be like the ultimate Definition of my failure Is that just like I couldn't even do this

It's a pretty big thing though I've put so much Effort into it And I'm just like terrified What if you apologize to Eric July? It doesn't matter Fido What am I going to apologize to him for?

I really think Being white I think it's great that you Being a liberal Hate gay people and furries And whatever all this shit you rant about I think it's really cool and based That you're on here every day Talking about how the liberals want to mutilate our kids Like I get it's really cool and based That you're on here every day

Talking about how the liberals want to mutilate our kids Like I get it Yeah That's so cool Why don't you talk to Hasan Piker? Put him in it I just, I don't know I have no

Come on, you gotta go one way or the other I can't go That's the problem I don't Both sides hate me No Yeah Hasan would hate me

I think both sides kind of like you. I think that's true. Hassan wouldn't be threatened by you, though. Like, he's threatened by Sam Hyde. Yeah. If you kind of got in there. I'm going to end up like, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know where I'm going to end up. You're not going to see me. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to end up. You're not going to see me. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to be gone. I'm going to disappear and I'm just going to be that guy alone in a van going, what could have been? And that's it. Yeah. And that's it for me.

It's like, oh, I screwed it up. I should have just played the game. I should have just lied to people's faces. I should have just grifted harder. I should've just lied to people's faces. I should've just grifted harder. I should've said, yeah, I fucking hate those fucking liberals and all those trans pieces of shit and blah. You know, just went along with it and been like way more racist because that's cool and like whatever else. That is cool.

You are racist. You brought in a ton of black problems. If I'm racist in a good way. That's Italian of you. It's all fall. Have you ever heard of like a charm offensive? I'm not charming. I'm not likable. I'm a bad person.

I am a unlikable. No, that's not true. My girlfriend loves you. And then she's like, I see why everyone hates him because I go online, but that's not what he's like. More fun on this show, I think. Yeah. I think I'm fun.

Yeah. Maybe it's good. Maybe I should just. Here's the thing. I want to get off Twitter because I do come off terribly on Twitter. Yeah. But the fucking technological masterminds have said, oh, you don't want to be on Twitter? Well, then you literally have no way to connect with other people

or tell them what you're doing. They just will not see you. No one's going to go to your personal website. No one's going to fucking email you to find out what's going on. You're locked into participating. Go on Mastodon now. All these dumb liberals are on that. Like Matt Taliby and Taylor, that lady.

What are they, just all jerking each other off with like two followers apiece? I don't know. I don't go on Mastodon. There's too much child porn. I should have voted for Trump. I should have got a MAGA hat. And I should have been out here just going like fucking drain the swamp. Absolutely.

I hate the fucking swamp. Yeah, but I did that. Yeah, and it worked out very well for you. You gonna tell me that you did not reap the benefits of such? No, I don't think so. Bro, you have a podcast that is very popular. They have

a fan base that doesn't hate your guts and want you to kill yourself. So, I'm gonna be boogie.'m going to be boogie. I'm going to be, I'm going to be boogie. It's happening. You're seeing it in real time.

Blood cancer though. I probably have blood cancer. You could be the new boogie. Maybe I could have a better blood cancer. I should ask boogie for a blood transfusion. I want blood cancer. Maybe that'll be a fun. You're going to be a bug chaser?

I'm going to be a bug chaser for boogie. Why don't you do a podcast with boogie? He just started one. Because I was, because I'm trying to get the comic finished. for Boogie. Why don't you do a podcast with Boogie? He just started one. Because I'm trying to get the comic finished. I told him after I finished the comic, maybe in time we could do a thing. He's doing some wellness podcast. I don't know. Wellness?

Yeah. I mean, I told you he's like. I'm going to do a podcast about sobriety. Did I tell you he did a bunch of acid and he's decided his life is better now? He's got a shaman plying in the throbs. And he sent me his life is better now He's got like a shaman Like plying into drugs And he sent me like a bunch of texts Is it Frank Castle? I don't know who it is

You have a shaman? Which is, you know what If he's happy, it's great But he's like, you know No, it's not Being happy is the worst reason to do anything He's telling me I gotta take more acid And then I'm like

We could take acid right now Is that what you think that'll help you? That might make it worse, I don't know Yeah He's telling me I gotta take more acid And then I'm like We could take acid right now Maybe You think that'll help you That might make it worse I don't know Yeah Yeah it's probably not a good idea right now You can't use your phone though

When you're high on acid Because his buttons are dancing around Wiggling around I'm gonna end up like Boogie And they're gonna make those videos Where they go What happened to that guy Justin Wang's gonna make a video on you

You should be so lucky I'm gonna be Maddox. No. There's nothing I can do. I can't stop this from happening. I'm just, like, everything I do turns to shit, and it's all my fault. I should have just bought the MAGA hat and just had fun with it. You think you could have been a Trump supporter?

I think I would have been a great Trump guy. Yeah? Yeah. What's your three favorite parts about, what's your favorite part about Trump? What do you call it? That thing where he told all the Mexicans are rapists? See, that's not, we don't accept that. But he didn't really say it.

He was unfairly maligned by the media. Yeah, you already said. He said, he said, some of them I think are good people. And that's he said he said he said some of them i think are good people and that's great that means he likes some of them you know mexicans like some mexicans what else did trump do that was fun it's a trick question it's impossible to pick the best part about him could be his love of christ him ripping on jeb bush was like probably the highlights for me. Low energy Jeb Bush, right? Yeah. That was really good.

Okay. You're awesome. I'm sorry. What a show. Arkham patient says, Vito's refusal to wear a seatbelt is crazy, considering he would go into a blubbering fit every time someone so much as questioned

the official narrative about COVID. No, don't get vaccinated, guys. That's not what Trump would want. He would want that. Well, he would want that. That's true. Teach me to be based. Maybe then I can redeem myself. Vaccines are gay. And they make your kids gay.

Which is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. Your kids being gay, right? They all say, like, Oh, yeah, being gay, right? They all say like, oh yeah, I love and respect gay people, but also the worst thing that would ever happen to me is if my kids were gay. That would be the worst possible thing.

It's gonna happen to one of you. You know that, right? Look to your left and right. If you have daughters, all of them are gonna be gay, but if you have sons, a fucking lot of them are going to be gay. I just wish these degenerates would leave our kids alone. All these Satanists. You mean your kids?

Yeah. They're the gay ones. They're already gay, man. What are you? You know which ones they are. I think the liberals are in league with Satan to make our kids gay. Guy says Final Fantasy VII has to be the greatest storyline ever I don't know why he said that

I do like Final Fantasy 7 though It's okay It came out of nowhere though Was that in the response to last episode? Yeah Take the Snake Roberts says My 10 year old nephew told me he's beating all the Mario games He said he beat the first three Mario's already

Turns out on the Switch Old Mario games have infinite rewind do-overs. Yeah Save States. Yeah, there's a lot of kids dog's days with stolen valor is what I'm gonna call that Yeah, important stolen valor. Yeah, they should it should if you beat Mario correctly It should give you like a certificate to print out with like unique code Yeah, cuz I know you'd be alright show me the certificate then. Oh, it's Billy Mitchell shit. Yeah. Because then you'd be like, all right, show me the certificate then. None of this Billy Mitchell shit. Yeah, they're all cheating.

Um, let's see here. Username 557 says, some new models of GMC and Chevy require you to buckle up just to shift into drive, eliminating the ability to buckle up

while idling out of your parking spot. Bunch of people send me links to the, you just plug it into the seatbelt thing and then you have a bottle opener instead of a seatbelt. Yeah, those are cool. I'm gonna get one.

You're gonna get one? I put on my seatbelt this week. I mean, I'll put it on sometimes. That's how I know you're depressed. Everybody wants me to wear a seatbelt. Alright, well, I'm gonna load up the stinging section.

I love stinging. Yeah. That's my favorite. Now I'm going to flip my piece of paper to something. Okay. Wait, are these all old? Oh, there it is. Oh, wait a minute.

Let me try to find one. I don't know why that didn't download. No, it didn't download. Well, guys, I'll tell you wait wait stall stall i am stalling johnny uh don't forget we have a new bonus episode the biggest problem 420 we just recorded today uh you can hear me being even more depressed than i am right now that'll be available soon on patreon.com slash biggest problem and back top by slash biggest problem i'm hoping on monday i will be able to launch the

kickstarter or indiegogo it will be on indiegogo for super killer so this weekend i'll be working on that maybe tuesday maybe wednesday but it's very close i'm just like figuring a few things out but uh please consider buying my comic book so i don't so i don't feel like such a loser It would just be nice It's not going to be bad It's going to be good I know Oh I had it in the folder the whole time Sorry okay ready

No problem You got to intro it though It's our favorite segment Load it up Oh baby our favorite segment, Voted Up. Oh, baby. Wow. That's a good stinger already. I guess you heard to vote it up.

Cause if you don't, then you're a cuck. Cuckold. I came back to let you know. Gotta vote it up. Biggest problem that I've shown. Oh! My friends wonder what is wrong with me.

If you don't vote it up, I'll kill your family. Perfect. I came back to let you know. Gotta vote it up. Biggest crime that shows. Vote it up. Vote it up. Gotta vote it up.

Reverend Scott sent that in Thank you Reverend Scott He has Twitter it's awesome Well maybe I'll get one Guys it's Voted Up The segment where we revisit past problems Normally I bring in a number of past problems But I feel like we really

Gotta get back into one In particular and that is of course The ongoing Boycott of the Week. Oh, wow. Which I need to create another stinger for. I feel like we need to talk about that. Guys, as we discussed, I believe, last week, the Bud Light boycott due to their controversial ad campaign

with transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney. Yeah. Continues strong. Now we have seen every right wing commentator from across the landscape weighing in and they all seem to be united in demanding Anheuser-Busch apologize for daring to have a March Madness promotional Instagram post On Dylan Mulvaney's Instagram account Just something for the ladies Yeah, I mean

Hey, let's Some guy was like, you know Vito, you don't understand They keep cramming this stuff down our throats I'm like, oh really? Were you forced to go to Dylan Mulvaney's Instagram account? Or did you only see it because guys like Tim Pool and Matt Walsh are tweeting it every fucking day of your life? Every day, yeah.

They're the ones cramming it down your throat. It's Dylan Mulvaney's Instagram. You don't have to go there. Hey, look at this can they sent me of a drawing of me on it. Why are they cramming this down my throat? Why are they cramming this down my throat? Why are they cramming this down my throat? Why are they cramming this down my throat? Why are they cramming this down my throat? Why are they cramming this down my throat?

Oh my God, we're choking on it. It really is insane. I honestly hope all their kids are gay. I hope Matt Walsh's kids go gay. Whatever it takes to make them. What would he do if that happened? I don't even know. He would freak out

Matt Walsh is constantly talking about I homeschool my kids I don't let them go on the internet Blah blah blah And I'm like man There were gay kids before the internet man Like one of your kids might just end up gay Guys can like get each other off

Like it's not like a It's not like a magical spell We don't know Dylan Mulvaney They just don't because they'll get made fun of And feel bad Well today Dick Anheuser-Busch did issue what some are calling an apology. Yeah. It doesn't really read like an apology. Do you have it? I have it here. Okay. Why don't I read it for you? This is from Brendan. Kind of a big league apology. It is kind of big leaguing. It should be.

I mean, it's kind of telling them listen man we make beer but it is from brendan whitworth the ceo of anheuser-busch who says as the ceo of a company founded in america's heartland more than 165 years ago i am responsible for ensuring every consumer feels proud of the beer we brew i'm honored to be part of the fabric of this country anheuser-busch employs more than 18,000 people, and our independent distributors employ an additional 47,000 valued colleagues. We have thousands of partners, millions of fans, a proud history of supporting our communities, military, first responders,

sports fans, and hardworking Americans everywhere. We never intended to be part of a discussion that divides people. We're in the business of bringing people together over a beer. My time serving this country, bringing in the military aspect, smart, taught me the importance of accountability

and the values upon which America was founded. Freedom, hard work, and respect for one another. As CEO, I am focused on building and protecting our remarkable history

and heritage. I care deeply about this country, this company, our brands, and our partners. I am listening to and learning from our customers. Moving forward, I will continue to work tirelessly to bring great beers to consumers across our nation. So not really an apology. It's really kind of a bullet-pointed list of why—

Are you guys serious? Yeah. Well, there's a lot of— Who's the trans in this? No, that's what he's saying. Who takesicks up their ass i was i'm a veteran what are you guys doing we help first responders we help uh you know again he says we have here's well my yeah go ahead sorry i mean like 65 000 people that are going to be impacted by this boycott all because you hate one trans lady is that like super duper fair?

I mean, if you really feel that strongly about it, I don't know. If you really feel like that strongly about it, you should kill yourself. Yeah. You are a retarded piece of shit. I can because I say it in creative ways because I know machines are watching what I say and I know how to trick machines. You're good at tricking the machines. I don't think, again, this wasn't even like, it's not like it was an ad campaign.

It wasn't like. It was a can with a drawing on it. It was a one-time Instagram post. A gigantic queer. Yeah. And Bud Light has had queer, like, they had a beer can that had the GLAAD logo on it, and they donated money to GLAAD That seems like if you're opposed to like

LGBTQ or whatever You should have been way more mad about that Than they're just really You know what it is They're mad that they're not on the can They're mad I guess They're mad that they're not on the can

Of a beer that they don't like That they don't That they shouldn't admit to drinking To begin with They spent all week saying how it's piss Which it's not. I mean, first of all, none of these losers parties or has partied

as hard as I have. I fucking guarantee you that. And you can make fun of that, but I promise you none of these guys have done coke off of anyone's ass who they don't remember the name of. They have not gotten blowjobs in public in full view of other people.

I'm sure they are uncomfortable with nudity from women, I mean. Yeah. Nobody, I have drank more than these guys, I've drank more Bud Light. Yes. Than these guys have drank beer put together. Okay? Yes.

So let's start there. I know what the Bud Light consumer wants. This? Yes. So let's start there. I know what the Bud Light consumer wants. This is fine. You've met the Bud Light consumer. Some guy wearing a dress in a bath making fun of Audrey Hepburn and women. Yeah, that's what we want. I was gonna say, like, yeah,

when did Bud Light become like the ultimate heartland beer? I'm like, it's just they made, when Bud Light came out, the Bud guys were like, this is, what is this, gay beer? It was kind of like beer for women. 1982. It was like, it's just they made, when Bud Light came out, the Bud guys were like, this is, what is this, gay beer? It was kind of like beer for women. 1982, it was like, what is this? You making Bud Light? What does that mean? It's like, well, no, it's for young people because they're not like,

they don't want to be big fat losers. They don't define themselves by having been close to World War II. Fucking relax, okay? Close to. We're doing it. It wasn't like, Bud Light didn't come out and was, oh, yeah, you guys like regular Budweiser? Here is a light beer. Here it is.

You guys like that, right? Less calories for you. It is very bizarre what is going on. Again, it's just people who don't drink beer pretending that they drink beer. Okay, but I'm just watching. Again, this is one of these reasons I don't feel any connection to humanity anymore. Because I just see so many people mad at this trans lady. And I'm like, I think it's stupid too, but I don't care.

Because it's Bud Light. It's Bud Light. Why do you have an emotional attachment to Bud Light? You're going to really hate that. I'm like, yeah, it's silly and stupid. And like, I guess if I was a woman, I don't know. Whatever. I'm so confused.

I don't even know how to parse it. I just go, okay. Like I can understand being like, well, that's dumb. They're gay. That's how you parse it. Matt Walsh is gay. And he's afraid of there being too much gay. I don't understand why this Of all the things

And then like there's just so much other stuff going I hate to do the what about shit And I'm like It's just so weird to think about like every day It's like 20 people got shot today at a bank 50 people got shot today at a Walmart 20 bankers got shot Whatever

Not people And then it's like You know the only thing we can really come together on I just fucking hate this trans lady Beer can that's something I can get behind this gay guy on their own beer can upset by that well you don't have to so here's your my problem is stock what did I say it is stock Misunderstanders no no no at first I wanted to call it stock market Svengali's, but maybe that's better. Stock market illiteracy.

Yeah. Because the whole thing, this whole boycott is- Market morons. Stock market morons. Yeah, that's a good one. I love alliteration. Yeah. Yeah, everyone does. Stock market morons.

Here's the boycott. Yeah, the boycott's going strong. As we've been told, the boycott is going incredibly, guys. So this is Matt Walsh. The Dylan Mulvaney endorsement cost Anheuser-Busch $4 billion so far. Oh, my God. $4 billion. That's a lot of money.

What do you mean cost them? They don't own all the stocks of their own company. That's not lot of money. What do you mean cost them? They don't own all the stocks of their own company. That's not how stocks work. No, Dick. They lost $4 billion. That's a big number. You know that. I hope he doesn't.

You know, you're working for Jews. I know that you know how stocks work. You know something about the stock market. You know how the stock market works. You know that you know how stocks work. You know something about the stock market. You know how the stock market works. You know that Anheuser, like, it's people who own the stock collectively because of the market, because the price of the stock when you started complaining has dropped by so much that you times it by the amount of stocks out there. And that's how you arrived at that figure which is like it's like the conservative

version of global warming it's like well they lost four billion dollars like well no i mean that's not investors lost four billion in unrealized losses yeah and they can just not sell the stock and it can go back up yeah and if they bought it like more than a month ago they're still up anyway yeah they bought it more than a year ago then they're still up. Anyway, yeah. If they bought it more than a year ago, then they're up a lot. On the six-month chart, Anheuser-Busch is up 36%. Okay, so

losing a percent. I think this week, overall, aren't they down now like a half a percent? Yeah, and that's after hours trading, so it's not real because the volume isn't there. So if you're up 36% and I say, guys, this boycott has brought us down half a percent, how panicked are you?

Not at all. Not at all. It's not the idea that they're gauging their dickless boycotts on a stock price, which is like not. Okay. It's not connected to some airline companies were dragging customers out of planes by their hair and kicking the shit out of them. And their stock price dropped a point and a half. Right. You're saying that your nationwide boycott couldn't even do as good as Beating the shit out of a passenger

Now I'll say this That's not how stocks work Okay here's also What people need to Know though Because here's the problem With doing a problem like this Or even talking about this

Is that Six months from now The stock may have Actually gone down Yeah And then they're gonna Come back at you and go See

So they did that with Gillette They're like Well look at Gillette Like Do you think that Gillette's stupid ad Had anything to do with like Harry's getting into Costco Like global Like cost of

Dollar shave Cost of clubs Becoming huge Like the actual dollar becoming stronger Compared to foreign currencies Which drove down like foreign sales Yeah Just do you have Do you have any

fucking idea? You're talking about the weather. The two forecasts that are never valid are stocks and weather. Why is that? Because it's so fucking complicated that anything could have... Why did something happen? I mean, I don't

know. Anything could have caused anything. If you're so sure about it, short it. Yeah, you can just short it right now. Matt Walsh, Quartering, whoever else, Tim Pool. If you're so sure about your little conservative book burning, short it. Short the shit out of it. Become a millionaire. Short it 100.

Put 100 grand into a short. Yeah. It's right where it was when you started. I put a hundred grand into a short. Yeah. It's right where it was when you started. So, I mean, I know your Leviathan of losers is going to wake up and like not buy beer that they hate. Right.

I know this is going to be just so fucking damaging. The big part of the question is how many of you guys were actually drinking Bud Light? Like there's some anecdotal stuff of like. How much of you were drinking? How many of you were drinking? None of you. Enough to move the needle? I don't know But I'll say

Yeah look I'll say the reason they're not going to short it Is because they know their audience is dumb And they know their audience has the attention span Of a fucking hummingbird And they're like Of a woman I can't short this thing

Because there's been so many other short bets Like Nike When they're like We've got Colin Kaepernick and he's taking a stand. They were going to, yeah. We're going to destroy it. And they've seen it every single time. And then they post like a, they post like a two second interval of the stock market going, boom, got them. Got them.

You've got these bastards. I was, when I had a Twitter account, I was like, here's the six month chart. They're up 36%. And people are like, show us the last week, I was like, here's the six-month chart. They're up 36%. And people were like, show us the last week, bro. Why don't you show us the last week? I'm like, it's in the 36. It's in the six-month chart. Just look at that tiny little dip.

Why would you think it would flip? So, okay, I brought some stats in for this. Yes. Because I want to make people feel bad. I want to make the people who post pictures of the stock price feel so bad that they kill themselves. That's my goal. Okay. Because they are a drain on us. Yes. post pictures of the stock price feel so bad that they kill themselves that's my goal because they are a drain yes on us yeah they're kept alive by various subsidies and technologies they're too

stupid to live uh here's who owns stocks first of all 80 percent of trades are done by computers makes sense so you think you're convincing A computer That you hate This gay guy You think someone's Feeding in You think someone has

That quantized On a billion dollar Fucking auto trading machine Homophobia reaches This level Oh shit Sell There it goes

Shorting the shit Out of this Budweiser stock Is my fucking criteria Of gay endorsements 150 American About 150 million Americans own stocks. 58% own stocks. 1% have 50% of the stocks worth $16 trillion. So did you guys convince the 1% to dump billions of dollars? Billions of dollars?

You did that? Or did you convince the 1% to go, hey, there's a little bit of a tiny drop due to stupid outrage. I'm going to buy it. I'm going to buy it. Should I buy this and make a quick 4% or should I just buy bonds?

The bottom 50% of American adults, which is all of you people who are upset by this, own 0.6% of stocks. Dump it, America. Put a hole in that bucket. $19 billion. Again, I have to reiterate, it's possible that a boycott could work if you dumb morons can make it last for more than a week, but you can't boycott something for three days and then go, we fucking did it, folks.

We fucking did it. You have no, you have to sustain it. What is with this instant gratification? You don't just get to go outside and yell, I'm boycotting Budweiser in the stock. We did it. Just like, no, you actually have to boycott it. You drank a lot of Bud?

No. Yeah. It has to go for more than like a month. It's like a complicated process of consumer choice. And I think that the people posting these stock things should just, the worst thing that's legally allowed to happen. Like they should be mocked. Well, the people who are posting it, they know that their audience is stupid.

So they always do. I mean, they do this with Facebook. Whenever Facebook like stock drops, they go, Facebook just lost $500 billion. Yeah. Well, not really, though. Elon. They always do with with Elon Musk Elon Musk Elon Musk just lost

200 billion dollars I'm like You never report When the stock goes back up And Elon Just made Makes 500 billion Like

They kind of do though Because they say He's the richest man in the world This is the quartering I was disappointed in this one Because I really like the quartering But he says Bud Light

Bless I'll say this about the quartering He's figured out Where his audience Lies on this one That's sad though because I really like the quartering. But he says Bud Light and Blass. I'll say this about the quartering. He's figured out where his audience lies on this one. That's sad, though. I think he's too smart for this, but he... He is a smart guy. This is dumb, though. I think he just knows that this is low-hanging fruit,

and that's why he's doing it. It's not worth the money. I have too much money. I have too much money to act like this, and he has more money than me. Like I said early on in the show, I wish I had just become the corner. I wish I had just sold out.

He says Bud Light blasts Dylan Mulvaney and hire and claim they never approved massive losses reaching $6 billion. Massive losses. And see, that's why they report it that way, because idiots go, oh, my God. They lost $6 billion. They lost $6 billion. Well, I literally saw a guy go, well, they're never going to get that back. And I go, they'll get it back by the end of the week.

There's nothing to get back. Other people own this stock. It's not their money either. The market cap has dropped. The stock price has dropped, so other people's value of the stock has lost. Probably hedge funds, actually. Because who the fuck has time to buy Birdweiser? 36% across

a six-month period. Like, the people that defraud us, the American people, for like trillions every time there's a catastrophe, they're out a potential $4 billion. Oh, no. How horrible.

Yeah. I mean, look at this It's just retard After retard Happy about it It's just so funny That they And then finally

Somebody posts the actual Stock prices They're celebrating This imaginary number It has been So Fucking Stupid

It has been fascinating Though the number Of right wing figures Who have been Coming out and saying Guys we have to stop saying Go get woke go broke. It's not true. Yeah, that wall said it. I saw Cernovich said it You have to stop saying it. Yeah, they're like guys like They're mad with their audience. They're like you guys don't do

I would almost respect you guys if you can tank Bud Light. I would be like, wow, you guys actually did boycott a thing. But like we said, we have Boycott of the Week for a reason. You guys want a three-day return. They are just a bunch of freaks online. People don't care. Like a guy drinking a Bud Light in a bar or a bar manager is like, oh, they gave that gay guy a can?

Like, that's funny. I don't care. Yeah, the only way to always do gay shit on. But they do, like, so this is another thing that annoyed me about it. Here's another one. Oh, shit. I don't know. Say what you were going to say.

I was going to say, yeah, I mean, I do think, I don't know what people, yeah, maybe there are, like, some dumb redneck bars. Really? Does the average person, like don't know what people, yeah, maybe there are like some dumb redneck bars or really, how, does the average person like buy into this shit or is it just people on Twitter? No, the average person thinks this is gay. I think, I would hope so. You don't care about a guy in taking a bath and acting like an asshole on Instagram? Oh, they have a gay beer?

Okay, whatever. So here is another, another quartering. I feel so bad saying that. He says you talk, He's saying to. He's replying to Bud Light. He's replying to this beautiful apology. You talk so much about accountability and you take none. You talk about caring so much about our first responders in the military.

When was the last time an EMT dedicated Bud Light can you made? How about a military one? Just Dylan Mulvaney, right? Boycott's still on. Budweiser does military cans all the time. Oh, shit, really? Is that it?

Vito, does America's Beer do military cans? Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yes. Constantly. Do you have to be in the military to buy them? No, they sell full-on production lines honoring our veterans. Yeah, maybe like a limited edition run or something. Yeah, they know how to advertise to fucking people.

They also only made 12 Dylan Mulvaney cans to send to her. Like, that's way different. Here is a first. They made, Budweiser made water. Yeah. Like, safe drinking water cans and sent it to firefighters who were battling. I know because I'm in California and they sent it here. They were battling the wildfires. They just sent it to firemen.

Yeah, they canned a bunch of drinking water, which was a nice thing of them to do. Conservatives don't care about that. They're not going to research this. All they care about is a gay guy who has a lady, straight lady, whatever, with her fucking face. It's just it's despicable. Fucking despicable able fucking despicable how many emts

like gay guys will buy a gay beer how many emts are going to the beer store where's the emt beer man how do i how come i can't get no emt beer it's like i don't think they identify that i don't think emts would want their own beer like maybe a little bit i don't know beer yeah what is that them actual water. Like, oh, you guys are fighting the fire? Yeah, that's way better. Here's water to keep you alive while you're fighting. I mean, to me, it's shameless, but it's like, well, what do you want them to do?

They're firemen. They're giving them water. They need that to do their job. I keep thinking of, I mean, you never watched The Office. Were you an Office guy? The British one. Yeah, well, watched The Office. Were you an Office guy? The British one. Yeah, well, the American one.

Michael famously is having money troubles, and he comes out of his office, and he faces the office, and he goes, I declare bankruptcy! And that's basically how these guys think boycotts work, is you just yell it, and it happens. Boycott! And then the stock immediately goes, boop! Everybody keep an eye on it! Keep an eye on it! Keep an eye on it! It's like, guys, you're not going to get, there are no sales figures to report. There's like some

anecdotal... And that's like your neighbors that own that stock that are losing money. It's not the company. That's not how companies work. Exactly. It's actual investors. So, and again, I don't... Stock market I don't If anyone comes back In six months And goes

See the boycott Did succeed Okay That wasn't based On the last three You can't Figure that out Based on the stock data

Right now You guys just don't know How to read You don't get it You don't know What you're talking about I find this all fascinating I've drank more Bud Light

Than all of you combined And again Of all the things Like Don't the conservatives I know what you're talking about. I find this all fascinating. I drank more Bud Light than all of you combined. And again, of all the things, like, don't the conservatives have, like, government problems they want to deal with? Or, like, the government arresting their guys? Yeah, shouldn't they be more upset about that? Like, shouldn't they be trying to get all those gay, sick guys out?

No, because they're gay. Because they're secretly gay. I don't know what's going on. It's all very interesting. Well, Dick, I'm bored of your problem. And you know why? Why? Because I have a diminished attention span, which is my problem this week.

The biggest problem in the universe is diminished attention spans. All right. Dick, have you found it hard to focus these days? Almost the way these conservatives can't figure out which company to boycott and just swip, swat, swippity-swap. Maybe this one, maybe next week we'll be bad at this. Can't focus. You got to focus on one thing at a time, but you can't.

I have found that to be a problem, yeah. It is a problem. Well, we have some stats that prove that the average person is suffering from a diminished attention span due to the proliferation of technology and certain types of media. Researchers in Canada surveyed 2,000 participants and found that since the year 2000, the average attention span has dropped from 12 seconds down to 8 seconds.

That's a big drop. 12 seconds isn't very long. No, 12 seconds wasn't long enough to begin with. No, no, eight. When did that start? That started in 2000. We had 12 seconds on the clock. How are we feeling?

I feel like in the 2000s, I was like. That was like the Matrix time, right? I could play on my Game Boy for a while. I could watch a movie. Three, four. And slowly, they've been assailing. Well, they say what it's coinciding with Right around the time the mobile phones

Started showing up May have contributed To a lesser attention span This also goes for Twitter trends You don't have to worry about those though I didn't do this problem did I You did this one already

I think I might have done this problem Which is fucking hilarious Cause I'm reading this and now I'm going do this problem did i you did this one already i think i might have done this problem which is fucking hilarious because i'm reading this and now i'm going wait did i do this problem already you don't search the lists before every show okay it's kind of funny if i already did the diminished attention span problem and then brought it in go Go to the problems button. Oh, fuck. Oh, wow. Wow.

I'm retarded. You know what it is? As I was putting. I know what it is. As I was writing this down, I'm like, I literally went, how have I not done this one before? It's such a good one. Well, I'll come up with another one. Oh, that's pathetic. Jesus Christ, I'm retarded.

You did this on, you won too. And I won. I should have just went for it. Well, let's put it on twice. Go ahead. What other stats do you have? Well, maybe I can switch it up because there is another. No, it's going on as shorter.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cause I don't know if I talked about this. Did I talk about the fact That it's the quick cuts That the cutting Of the media now The way that it snaps Between the jump cuts And whatever else

Yeah I don't know if I got Into that last time Cause that's really Let me make that my problem Jump cuts Jump cuts Dick Well

Cause as part of the study There are these Of shorter attention spans On shorter attention spans On shorter attention spans, shut up Call it a spin-off problem Alright, you know Fat brain, vote it up You can also vote up fat brain

Okay I'm having a bad week, guys What do you call it? You remember as a kid you'd watch cartoons And there was like scenes and they played in order And like, cause the animation wasn't that good They kind of like made them draw out, you know The character would have to be on screen talking for a while

Well now, you can make something like Spongebob Where it just cuts every two seconds Spongebob's doing a thing And Squidward's doing a thing And fucking Mr. Krabs and shit's falling from the fucking sky You're not gonna shit on Spongebob Well, unfortunately SpongebBob has contributed

To this lack of Ability to attention Find Not the exact same problem It kind of is In a study The 64 year old kids were assigned To do one of three activities

Shut the fuck up Either draw Watch SpongeBob Or watch a slower paced cartoon Like Caillou assigned to do one of three activities shut the fuck up either draw watch uh spongebob or watch a slower paced cartoon like caillou spongebob caillou fuck caillou sucks well they they had the kids do an activity and then afterwards gave them a problem solving test 70 of the kids who participated in drawing passed the test easily kids who watch caillou 35 of drawing passed the test easily. Kids who watched Caillou, 35% of them passed the test. SpongeBob kids,

only 15% of them were able to finish out these tasks. They're warping the minds of these kids. Why the fuck am I doing these tests? Why don't I just watch SpongeBob? SpongeBob teaches you to shuck the yolk of the system

and be your own person. These kids have no... Not be a slave. Look, they all have ADD, ADHD. Let's talk about that problem, okay? Is that on there? Is that on the board? You could bring that in.

This is all part of it. Well, yeah, let's do that. They gave afterwards, they did the same thing. They left the room. They said you used the jump cut stats for attention span. Well, then I have fucking nothing. God damn it And Mint remembers and she has autism Doesn't she?

She's got you pegged About 6.1 million children in the United States Between the ages of 2 to 17 Are estimated to have ADHD How did you not think that you did something so obvious already? I don't know You have another problem that you want to use? I have another problem.

Just use shorter attention spans. On there twice. I mean, it is kind of funny that it's on there twice. It's kind of perfect. It's like I couldn't even pay attention to the fucking show is how much of a lesson. It's only 30 episodes, too. Like, that's less than a year since the last time you did it. I don't know, man.

My brain's fried. It's been a long week. I fried. It's been a long week. I guess. It's been a long week. Why? Because I'm just working on the comic. I'm trying to get that fucking Indiegogo up. I sent you a link.

Bring up the link. I got another problem for you. Don't worry about it. Link for show. All right. This was a tweet that came across my screen from Millennial Woes. I like that guy. He's on Backby.

Oh, really? Is he? Yeah. Okay. Well, I won't talk shit about what an idiot he is. I mean, I don't talk about whatever you want. He says, well, it's Easter. You know, just for once, it would be nice to be surprised by these fucking communists.

And he shows the Google,000 views on that Google home screen Yeah My problem dick is Google doodle Gripers Noticers Guys who are obsessed with the fucking Google doodle Go over to Google

Is there a doodle today? When was their last doodle? They probably have a history of doodles, right? Google doodles Yeah Let's take a look As we know if you use google occasionally they will uh change the google logo to show us something and everyone just loves it

they think it's so cool whatever i mean google makes a picture well some people think it's cool yeah some people are very upset at the Google Doodles and have been for quite some time. There's all sorts of reasons why people get mad at the Google Doodles. Obviously, Millennial Woes was upset that the godless communists at Google did not respect

the Easter holiday. It's odd that they don't put even some eggs up there. Well, Google has said that we do not do any explicitly religious holidays. That's horseshit, though. Is it? It's retarded. Well, it's there.

I mean, they don't want to offend anybody. I mean, they do. They want to offend everybody anyway. Well, no, they don't want to do that. This has been going on forever. Fox News reported on this all the way back in like 2012, saying Google has snubbed Easter with no doodle for the 18th year in a row. As actor James Wood chimed in saying they loathe Christians.

They do. Why? Because they're a bunch of like Silicon Valley. No, a lot of them are from India. They're a bunch of like Silicon Valley godless pedophiles. Yeah. Like homosexual gangsters. Sure.

Because they're a bunch of like, they're in like a little cult. Okay, but it's the Google doodle. Who cares? Why does it matter? I don't care, but I'm just saying that they're a bunch of fucking shitbags. As WorldNetDaily.com wrote. Because they're evil. Sorry.

That's what I think. Because they're evil. In 2006, for the eighth year in a row, Google has made no effort to commemorate U.S. veterans or war dead. No tributes to Veterans Day or Memorial Day. So Google, let's see, hates Christians. They hate veterans. They have Qatar Day. So Google, let's see, hates Christians. They hate veterans. They have Qatar Day. Look at that.

So that's not like offensive at all. Is that what it is? Was it Guitar Day? It's Qatar. Oh, Qatar. Qatar Day, whatever. There's a lot more women on there, which is interesting because the spark movement. They've never done anything.

It is interesting. Well, women have complained based on doodles from 2010 to 2013. Sorry, these are all old stats. The internet giant created 445 doodles, but of those, 357 were men-slash-male-centric, and only 73 were based around women. Of those 73, only 19 featured women of color. Clearly, now they are overcompensating with the women of color. They have Mother's Day. Mother's Day.

So they don't have Easter, but they could have Mother's Day? Mother's Day is not a religious holiday. Well, what is it? A day? It's just a day. It's just a holiday. It's Easter. Many conservatives were upset over a 2007 doodle

commemorating the 50th anniversary of the launch of the first human satellite, saying it was a celebration of russian communism uh the time people said a totalitarian regime they were our cold war enemy but yet again you have never commemorated u.s military personnel uh you only love the veterans day right here well yeah i think finally they had to do it because everybody kept complaining about it. I was going to say, I'm pretty sure they do do Veterans Day now, but then people still fucking complain because they don't do Easter. You can't do every

single fucking thing. You could do Easter. Why? Why Easter? Just put Jesus Christ on a cross and then have his abs as the oogle. Yeah. Oogle. I don't think people want that. Put two guys blowing him. Do you want to know The most controversial

Easter That happened to Google Was that on 2013 In 2013 The holiday happened to fall On the birthday Of labor organizer

Cesar Chavez I remember that I remember that And everyone You gave that Fucking Commune Instead of

God damn Jesus He was based on Caesar Chavez? Yeah he coined the term Wetback I could say it He was all about those grapes He made a literal Cesar Chavez made a literal

Wall out of human beings To stop illegal immigration Okay? How? When? Because he got all the United... All the U.S. farm workers? He got them all down there? No, he said, alright, we're all chaining our arms together

so that the illegals can't come across into the country. Like, in a wall of people. How long did he do that for? A couple minutes. Short attention span. Look at these doodles. Day of day the dead, is that not a religious holiday? No dead people. I'm trying to say what's that one? Oh, Israeli elections. So that one's going to offend some people. I'm not saying

it. They probably only put that in Israel. They don't put that in America. Do you think they have different stuff for Israel? I think so. You think they like filter out all the anti-Israel stuff on the internet in Israel? I don't think they could filter it all out. I don't think that would be possible. That's every website in existence. All I'm saying, Dick, is there's so many of these guys out here hating on the Google Doodle. I think that ultimately, ultimately guys they're not gonna

do easter they don't want to do easter they don't do any religious holidays they don't do fucking ramadan you know they don't do kwanzaa yeah but fuck uh those holidays but easter's good yeah because all their customers under your pillow most of their customers are christians i don't think that's true where do America? It's a Christian nation It's not all Christians There's a lot There's a lot more people who are celebrating Easter Than there is Mother's Day or Father's Day

What did you do for Easter? Nothing Most people do nothing for Easter Flavored cocaine that I showed But can't they like just do it And and just shut up and fucking do the doodle? Just bake the fucking cake. Just wear the jersey, you fucking hockey piece of shit. Why do you want to piss people off so much?

Why does it piss you off? What do you care? You shouldn't care. It's for fun. Because they put a bunch of crap on here. Teacher Appreciation Day. Israeli Election Day.. It's for fun. Because they put a bunch of crap on here. Teacher Appreciation Day. Israeli Election Day. Teachers Appreciation Day. It's like every

holiday they make this like Fiverr doodle for and I mean it's dumb anyway but then like Easter it's just nothing. Like okay man. Fuck me I guess. Whatever. Like what's the point of that?

Do you need any other website on the internet to be Easter themed for you to be happy? Yeah, but they're doing themes all the time. Should Twitter be like, oh, change the send button to a little Easter bunny or some shit? Like, what do you care? Make it an egg? Because they're making a choice not to do it. Then we can't have this at all. It's like they did a nice little thing. You go to your homepage that you have to go to every day, and you're like, oh not to do it. Then we can't have this at all. It's like they did a nice little thing.

You go to your homepage that you have to go to every day, and you're like, oh, a little thing. Like no Christmas? So do their employees get Christmas time off? I think they do Christmas. I haven't seen one. Well, I don't know if you went back far enough. But Christmas is kind of like a world holiday now.

It's not even really a religious Thing oh wow they have Five and frank day Shut up shut up And frank did a lot This is the one this is the and frank day this is The doodle honoring when her dad Wrote crossed out all the stuff about

Puberty I will have no Anne Frank slaughter. That's slander on this show. Look, these are all fun, and you want to take away the fun from me. My Christian feelings are hurt. I didn't get a Google doodle. Put the fucking doodle on. It's a big deal.

How about you guys are just so, you know, sure of your faith. Well, then you shouldn't care. But I think all the Christians, how about just go enjoy your holiday. What a great holiday. Okay? You don't need a little fucking drawing. You can go buy a picture of the Easter Bunny and look at it yourself. Okay?

Okay, well, you don't need a beer can then. How about that? I mean, what do you mean I don't need a beer can? Well, you don't get a drawing. You don't get a fucking beer can. I don't get a dial-on Mulvaney beer can. You't get a fucking beer can We don't get a dial on Mulvaney beer can We'll throw a big fit It's their option

Everything in the world would be fucking dumb And complainy Because we can't get a fucking picture of eggs I want my picture of eggs If we made an Easter beer can Do you think they'd stop Yeah actually If they made a Bud Light like a jesus can it just

had jesus on it people would love it our lord and savior yeah people would just you know what that would have been the passion of the christ was a fucking huge blockbuster i think the better way to address all the angry conservatives would be to just put out like a beer that's just like i don't know what's the most like homophobic but not exactly homophobic thing Tim Pool because he's gay yeah you can put out some Tim Pool cans honestly they should have they should have given them to both they should be like okay Dylan you get one and Matt Walsh you get one and then it's like bye bye whoever is the biggest gay that you think and then Matt Walsh would be like I'm so fucking I'm getting the vapors that I can't believe Bud Light would honor me in such a way.

My problem is Google doodle haters, guys. Just have fun with it. Isn't it nice that the website is a little fun thing? Get vaccinated, wear a mask, save lives. That's what it says. Don't look at that one. Stop. Don't put it up.

I'm going to lose. How hard would it be to just say, happy Easter? Hey, shitheads. Happy Easter. You are our product, are you not? Don't the Christians get everything already? Like, what more do they need? Just a little respect.

You go to Target, they got a whole section of Easter bullshit. Is that so bad? No, it's not so bad. But I'm saying you get everything. You got it. It's in the stores. You can buy all your little baskets of fake grass. How many fucking Teacher's Day doodles do they have?

Look, man. Teachers need to be recognized. They're all like, what do you call it? They're all hippies over there, man. They love teachers. Cult. Cultists. All right.

Well, we'll make you an Easter doodle. Why don't they make a, you should make a browser plug-in. I should. I should make a browser plug-in. As should. I should make a browser plug-in. As on Easter makes a special Google... I will. I'll make it an AI. And charge it like five bucks.

Yeah, have an AI Google doodle. I'll have it an AI. My problem... Religious doodles on your homepage. My problem is cover charges. Yeah. The Oxford English Dictionary defines a cover charge as rape. Well, the Oxford Dictionary says it.

How can I- It's sexist. It's sexist. And discriminatory. Oh, okay. So it should be illegal. Because women get in for free. Because women get in for free.

Yeah. And people get in for free who are not me, get to skip the line for no reason. That's discrimination. Well discrimination well that's against the law in some in some states it is against the law uh it's like uh it's like a mystery box yeah where you have to pay 20 bucks to get into a bar which might suck inside and it will it probably will suck inside and then you're stuck in there so you're fucked coming in because you don't know what's there some stupid band that you don't even want to see right that you are getting dragged to and then you get inside and it's like oh i wonder if there'll be any uh not fat girls in here sure enough there's not i mean you're going to a bar in la

there's gonna be fat girls right right? Mostly, if not all. All the chicas are out prowling the night. This was, wait a minute. I brought some stats on this too, if you can believe it. Well, I know that there have been some famous court cases. Did you find any of those? No, I didn't know that. Well, maybe I'll look that up real quick.

Try and help you out. It started during Prohibition, where the host events within the saloon would charge customers for participating in the event and then provide free alcohol as a courtesy. So this is another thing that Prohibition caused.

In addition to the mob. Yeah. Was cover charges at bars. And they got rid of prohibition. They're like, well, let's just keep charging.

Why would we stop doing that? I mean, it's money. Money's money. What are you going to do? Prohibition went into effect. And then when it ended, the saloons were loathed to give up a source of income,

especially one that consisted of almost nothing but pure profits. Strip clubs do this too. 50 bucks to get in. And then you got to pay for the dances. That's fine. But then you're like, well, can you tell me like the...

Who's working? Can you tell me the combined, the number of girls and their combined weight before I buy? So you can do some math in your head. Yeah, we got over 30 girls here. Okay, but tell me the weight Is it over 7,000 pounds?

7,300 on the dot sir Guess the weight of the strip club That's the game I like If I can guess the weight Do I get in for free within 100 pounds? They should have that Yeah If you can guess the weight You get in for free within 100 pounds. They should have that. Yeah.

If you can guess the weight. The practice continues into the modern form in this day. Let me see here. The typical club charge is $16. Wow. That's six grand of pure profit. What? A week?

A night? Yeah, on a night night $6,000 Oh my god It's fucking bullshit Just to enter the establishment Cause then you got these people Who don't drink Yeah

And they're like Well we have to charge Cause these people are just This broad's just drinking water And you're like well I'm obviously I'm gonna drink Her friends are drinking

Yeah Her friends probably Aren't drinking either But I am gonna drink So why do I have to pay my cover charge too? See, this is why I don't go to bars, Dick. It's just too much money. Exactly.

And then no one goes out. And then bars suck. Yeah, now nobody goes to these things. What, are girls going to come out and pay 20 bucks just to be out? The whole point of bar culture and pubs, you look at pubs in England, it's like you're free to go in, you can hang out there all day. Yeah. You know, you're paying for your drinks.

They get a little something back and you just hang out, read the newspaper. We have nothing like that in America. America won't let you sit in a place. If you're sitting, you're paying. That's why everybody goes to fucking Starbucks. It's like the only refuge. You can just sit there and fuck around.

Buy a drink if you want one. Well, that's my problem. Do you know about the famous ladies' night rulings from the California Supreme Court? No, what's that? Because on ladies' night, women don't have to pay the cover, right, Dick? That's racist. Well, not racist. I would say it's more sexist, but sure.

The California Supreme Court ruled that ladies' days at a car wash and ladies' nights at a nightclub violate California's Unruh Civil Rights Act in core versus metro car wash and Angelouki versus Century Supper Club. So it is actually possible, depending on some states. In Illinois, ladies' nights in Illinois have been upheld under the anti-discrimination provision of the Dram Shop Act. So, it is legal in Illinois to discriminate against men. So, California, it's women have to pay so then nobody wants to go out. Right. Exactly.

You got to move to Illinois where the ladies get in for free. So, then you get a whole bar packed full of like Middle Eastern men. Yeah. I mean, that's. With erections. They love that stuff, man. Doing blue chew that they got with a promo code off their favorite podcast. There's a lot of interesting rulings on this that people should look up.

There was a New York Yankees Ladies Day promotion, which the New York State Human Rights Board said, no, don't give women a night of baseball. I like that. Yeah. Keep them out. I like that, but then get rid of the fees. Don't give women a night of baseball. I like that. Yeah, keep them out. I like that, but then get rid of the fees. Don't do them for anybody. All right. Okay, that's my problem.

What are our problems? Our problems are... What was your first problem? Stock market morons. Stock market morons. Mine is too much attention spans, again. Or too short of attention spans. Yeah.

Followed, of course, by Google Doodle haters. Haters? Google Doodle dummies. There you go. A little more alliteration for you. Okay. And whatever your last one was, cover charges. Cover charges. Yeah. Guys, don't forget, bonus

episode, Biggest Problem in 420 at patreon.com slash biggestproblem and backed up by slash biggestproblem. Okay, here you go. Vito. Get your super chats in now. I know you don't wear the seatbelt in your car because you're fat and it's uncomfortable. No. And I know this because I used to be fat and it was uncomfortable.

One, you should wear your seatbelt because like Dick said, you're going to die in a low speed car crash because of all that math moving forward and hitting your steering wheel and windshield. Two, because maybe it'll convince you To take that bike from Dick Go for a ride Lose some weight So the seatbelt actually sits along your hips Instead of across your giant stomach

Dick's bike Rusted I didn't wear my seatbelt when I was skinny So it's been a long It's been a long term journey Why would I wear it when I was skinny And not when I was fat Because it's been a long-term journey of not wearing my seat belt. You didn't wear it when you were skinny? Why would I wear it when I was skinny and not when I was fat? Because it's safe. It's safer.

Safety is gay. Safety third. It's gayer than Dylan Mulvaney. All right. Well, better luck next time. Here's another one. Something about your comic. Hey, call me in to weigh in on what might be keeping Vito up at night.

I mean, aside for the aforementioned. Cuffling depression. Oh, wait. When you guys were on Rikada, there was that guy Joe or something like that who released a comic, child's comic book or something like that. And man, I'm sure it just fucking crushes Vito's soul

to see like this fucking guy, this school teacher, could release a fucking comic successfully make 70 000 off the kickstarter and you know he's got a he's got a pretty comic book ready to go he's like yeah we're we're talking about it it's it's ready right now right now video when he when he talked about it it's fucking ready Alright Now Get some sleep buddy Thanks He's one of those

Geeks and gamers guys So he gets promoted over on You know To their Weird hate group And I can't do that I wouldn't call it a weird hate group That's probably why

It's a fun hate group I don't remember who he's talking about Drunk3PO is a guy He was on there with us? Yeah yeah He was the one talking about his comic I don't remember that he's talking about. Drunk 3PO is a guy. He was on there with us? Yeah, yeah. He was the one talking about his comic. I don't remember that. Do you know that guy?

Oh, I remember that kind of now. Yeah. Does he not like you? He's like the most... Does he not like either of us? Well, I think... No, he probably is fine with you. Me, I think he's...

That's good. That's a smart move. I think he's required to hate me because I fight with his dad, but... Who's his dad? That Jeremy guy from geeks and gamers the guy which one is he see the one that said like Cobra he's the one that said like Andor is

racist yes he's the one who said Andor is racist and then he said that Mario is like woke and then he's like Princess Peach yeah he said Princess Peach looks too confident and then he took it back uh yeah whatever uh yeah those guys have a good little promotion machine going And I've been banned from Twitter

So all my All my enemies are rewarded They're winning They're absolutely winning I'm losing I'm losing and I've possibly already lost And I just have to accept it Like it's over I picked

The path that I thought was true and right and i should have just lied to people about star wars and women ruining their comics and their movies women are ruining stuff though some stuff not all stuff princess peach was not a woke girl boss and i can't make videos but mario was good yeah but i can't the only things that are ruined were ruined they'll do a thing where like The trailer comes out And like I looked at the Mario trailer

And I went Oh man that looks fun I can't wait to see that And they go I don't know Princess Peach looks kind of like A feminine Nazi And I'm like

Yeah I just can't make that I can't I can't force myself To say those things Or believe those things Retarded though I thought so But people really want to hear it

No they haven't Yeah they want that People are retarded though Yes people really want to hear that Yeah Okay And I don so But people really want to hear it No they're Yeah they want People are retarded though Yes people really want to hear that Yeah Okay And I don't have it in me to say it

So I have to figure out Some other thing I can do Because I can't I can't talk about movies In a way that like You know engages an audience Just do like a thing Of making fun of them then

Like do a round up On your Sometimes I do On your Monday Night Groove Where you're like Whoa That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard

That's so fucking dumb And then like have sound effects I talk about some of that On your Monday night griffin, you're like, whoa, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's so fucking dumb. And then have sound effects. I talk about some of that. Dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum. People aren't that interested in that. They're way more interested in hearing about a big corporation forcing their kids to be gay. I don't know. You got to hit them harder.

I think I'm just going to find something else to do with my time. Okay. Like slowly take a knife and ease it between my ribs dick is exaggerating the piss phobe problem oh the problem with the piss phobes is not not that we have a problem with someone pissing next to us in the next stall. I work in an office with two people, two urinals next to each other. I piss next to people all the time. Wow, this guy was really offended.

Someone literally staring at you in the back while you're pissing. No wonder he's offended. Like looking at you, staring at you in the back while you're pissing. Or when the person next to you is looking at your face while you Pissing Or when the person next to you Is looking at your face while you're trying to piss I've never heard this happen I wouldn't remember it if it happened Piss does not come out of your dick

It just does It doesn't Your peeing glands don't work In those situations That's why people complain Are these guys like all afraid of They can't pee work in those situations. That's why people complain about people being around when you're pissing. So they can't piss

when somebody's next to them? If someone's distracting them, yeah. Staring at them. That they're doing nothing, probably. Not liking someone looking you directly in the face or in the back while you're pissing. No one's looking you in the back.

I need some comments on this video. Guys, have you ever been pissing While you're No one Well no one's looking at you in the back In those situations I need some comments On this video Guys Have you ever been pissing And someone comes up And just locks eyes With you silently

In the back Or starts to Or starts Did he say someone's staring at him From behind Yeah he said that at the end So like Someone's looking at your face

Or staring at you in the back I think you're just paranoid man Yes I don't think anyone's standing behind you Watching you piss And if they are They're probably waiting To use the urinal. Your dick just doesn't work in looking you directly in the face or in the back while you're pissing.

Your dick just doesn't work. So these guys can't physically piss because their anxiety is so high. Like a woman driving in the fast lane on the freeway. I can't. I can't piss. I'm going to say this sounds schizophrenic. He's like, before you go into the bathroom, you see two white cars parked outside, and we all know what that means.

Please let me in the comments. Do you ever feel like someone is staring at you while you're pissing at the urinal, and then you can't piss? Now they're not going to say it because they know it sounds dumb. No, I want to know. Maybe it's a thing. I don't know. I know, but you got to trick them into saying it.

And then you go to get orange soda. And of course the gang stalkers got there before you and they hid all the orange sodas. You can't buy it. All right. Here you go. Dick, you really fucked up by saying that you're a free speech absolutist. And that defamation should be legal, but you should get sued for it. You really should not think about that one.

And then 10 seconds later, you can see your face just realize, oh, I'm a fucking idiot. Is that one from Ireland trying to tell me about free speech? Well, as people have pointed out, you were famously involved in a lawsuit for defamation. Well, yeah, you could sue people. Yeah. Okay. Doesn't mean you're going to win. Well, as a free speech absolutist, I agree.

You can like, you can hit someone and get like a thousand dollar fine. But if you messed up their face, you can get sued for like $50 million because of the damages, the harm. So I'm sorry a Eurocuck wouldn't understand the concept of like like, tort law. As a free speech absolutist, I think it's all well and good.

I was one of the leading free speech advocates in America. You can sue for anything, you stupid shit. Whatever. That's the fucking point of this guy, not you. I know. All right. Let's look at the super chats. Just mad he's on my side. Hey, look at that.

475 viewers Yeah, apparently when I'm Mentally ill and People tune in to watch me fall off the cliff Of your own doing Tune in tomorrow We go to a gun store And see what they've got in stock All right

Okay Wow, that's a lot of super chats Gun store and see what they've got in stock. All right. Okay. Wow, that's a lot of super chats. Jesus Christ. At least when I turn into Maddox, he'll have enough fodder for a show. No, you can't turn into Maddox. Maddox would never kill himself. Never.

Because he'll die thinking, I really nailed it. He'll die thinking like I inspired the next I was a trailblazer And they just didn't understand my genius But people will read my Book of Harry Fire Engine Yeah someone's gonna read

Fuck Wales I'm gonna be back on top In the post-mortem I'm glad just some people got my Like you know My artistic statement of my life he would never kill himself and he should uh let's see dk dead cat for five dick did you see the film with nicholas cage and the mexican guy from last of us and have you seen his western film

and will you see his new she's christ three questions i'm not gonna answer any of them because you asked too many what was the name of that movie, though? Him and Pablo Picasso? The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. I saw it twice in like a week. I loved it so much. It's good? I still have to see it. Yes, it's one of the few movies that does acid correctly. That and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I should watch it. Riley for

220 says nothing. Hey, Riley, how you doing? David Gomez for five. You guys should air on BET with how late the show always is And the absence of Vito's father Well my father's absent for a different reason Not for that Carlisle P for $19.99

Says Giswoldi for PKA By the way Take that pride hat off It's not a pride hat It says Goku Isn't that Dragon Ball? It's Dragon Ball Z Yeah

Okay I don't know why they thought It was a pride hat What are you talking to me? I don't know Coup for two PKA is too afraid To have you on

No they'll have me on I just gotta actually ask them Coup for two Thank you all for not Killing yourselves Well thank you Coup Adam has two hands For $4.99

Time to cut Carl loose He's promoting A boomer morning show now Steel Toe Boring Show Oh no You're not a You're not a There's a new There's a new show in town A boomer morning show now. Steeltoe boring show. Oh, no. You're not a, you're not a, there's a new, there's a new show in town called the Steeltoe morning show. Oh.

And they do a morning show and then nobody likes onions is mad at them. But Carl is friends with them and Carl, Chad Zumach's all over the place. I can't keep track of anything. I saw that red guy, that red bar guy draw a picture of Anissa's OnlyFans. It was really funny. He really pissed her off. Yeah. It was accurate though. I mean, it looked

better than OnlyFans. Was it the drawing of her naked? Topless, yeah. Nice. Clay Kellinger for $1.99 says, screw the Federal Reserve. I agree. Rich for 499. I don't know why anyone's surprised Vito can sing. All rotund Italian women are natural opera singers.

Conte Marti. What is that? Conte Marti. Is it Conte Marti? Martito. Just rolling for five. Just rolling this year. Vito, no Twitter means you have time to write your comic and fix,

then ride the bike. It'll be fun. Needs a. Justin Rowland's here. Vito, no Twitter means you have time to write your comic and fix, then ride the bike. It'll be fun. Needs a new chain. That's it. Sound like someone's father. It's going to be fun. You're going to have fun. We're going to be miserable no matter what.

John Rebs for five. Speaking of PDF files, the PKA mod aptly named Antagonist banned me from the PKA Discord for sharing my AI videos and memes. Oh, that's who that guy is? He showed up in our Discord saying like, Hey, Jake, when you're on PKA, tell Woody I want to fight him. I'm like, man, when you tell me to tell people

things for you, I just hope that you get killed by a drunk driver or your whole family. First of all that, and secondly, you are some no-name rando. I don't know why you think someone like Woody would want to fight you. But I guess he's one of their mods.

Well, somebody should demod him. I'll tell Taylor that he needs to demod that. It's too much attention-seeking. Yeah, you shouldn't be bothering. It's way too much attention-seeking. Don't bother guests with your stupid shit. Andy Aldridge for Fives says, Thank you for not killing yourself, Vito.

Thank you, Andy. Britsman for two, Bob's or Vagine? Curry. Yeah. Kyle Baxter for 10. Hey, Vito, sounds like you should go

camping for a weekend. Reset, bro. I love camping. I've gone camping. Shut up. Did I love it? No, but... I thought about renting one of those Airbnb

like cabins though, just going there for like a month. Being alone with your thoughts, is that something that's good that you like doing? No, then I'll definitely end up doing it. Jesus Christ. I need to be surrounded by people. AAC presents, I'll keep helping you promote Super Calavito. Just don't die in the wilderness with or without your cats

from Mint Salad. Thank you Mint, My only supporter Carafro for 20 My only other supporter Don't be the man down by the river Vito It's too late for me I'm already dead Inside anyway

Procter's for 5 I gotta finish that Tim Pool rock song I've been working on Okay There's a lot of incel rage Piled up in there That sounds cool

That's kind of cool Procter's for five Vito you are great Please stick around I don't think about it You farmed a lot of super chats With your bogus I'm gonna kill myself

Yeah but now I'm just gonna get A bunch of comments going Vito's just saying He's gonna do it He's not actually gonna like Yeah that's the I mean that's true You are just saying it

I'm not trying to Emotionally manipulate you guys I'm trying to You're doing it Okay well I'm not trying to emotionally manipulate you guys. I'm trying to. You're doing it. Okay. Well, I'm not going to actually kill myself. I just feel like if I was dead, no one would care. I'm just fucking around.

That's a joke. That's a joke. No, I know. Look, some of you guys are nice. Thank you. Yeah. Riley and Ralph both ruined the dick show way before you did. We've all ruined the dick show for mint salad.

Yeah, yeah. DK, dead cat for 10. Vito gets banned on Twitter and Owen Benjamin isn't. Maybe instead of fighting anime creeps, Vito, you should have called people stupid for believing in the moon landing and not having kids and a wife. Yeah, you can say anything on Twitter unless you're me and then you get banned

Oh god I'm so fucking sick Of these fucking trad people Talking about how you gotta have kids and a wife Constantly It's all they care about Just fucking dude stop worrying about other people's kids You fucking pedophile They really are obsessed with other people's kids

Bro do you have a wife? Bro do you have a wife and kids? Bro, you gotta make kids. I don't know if you ever thought about it. You ever thought about having a wife and kids? Bro, I got a kiosk down at the mall. You come by. I'll talk to you about having a wife, having kids. Look, you can talk about my wife. You want to talk about my wife? Look at her. Isn't she beautiful?

Isn't she beautiful? Isn't my wife beautiful? Isn't my wife beautiful? Yeah, she's a good looking man. Yeah, mine is made. Who's my kids? Are my kids beautiful? Which one of you thinks is more beautiful? They're so smart. Bro, fuck off. I'm not going to tell you which one of your kids is beautiful.

That's horrifying. Just as early as for another five, the Nazis are too cool problem made me realize something. Every human being is something of value they brought to the table, especially Vito.

And then the Nazis brought us something we like. Huh. Great costumes. No. Shut costumes. No. Shut up. The gentleman sausage for five. The biggest problem is participation beer cans.

You can't give one person a beer can without everyone else crying. They didn't also get a beer can. It is true. It is true. I am 1202 for five. Vito has a lot of potential. Smart, funny, creative. He is a great foil for dick, says D Cups. Okay.

Thank you, sir. Shiny Quest for $19.99 Vito, if you want to lose weight By not doing anything Just eat sweet potatoes For two months Jesus Christ You'll lose like 40 pounds Also, why do liberals always say

I identify with blank Great show Thanks guys I don't know 40 pounds Park it is Eating only sweet potatoes Sweet potatoes I guess

I could not do that I don't get that Food is like the only good thing in my life That's the problem Is that I like food And I hate everything else Including myself Okay

Kaju Turtle for 279 Richard check the DM I sent you on Twitter. Oh, yeah. You said it as like a... You didn't send it as a link or something I could download, though, and I'm obviously not going to put my Twitter DMs on. What if you hit those three dots? Does that not let you download it?

No. No. Copy message? No, I don't think that helps. You got to send it to me like a file or... No, that's a whole thing. No, it literally copies out what he said. Yeah.

Play it next week. Sorry, man. Play it next week. Send him the actual file so we have it. Okay. Here we go. All right. We'll keep it in mind, Kaiju Turtle.

Thank you, though. Ryan for 550 Canadian. Hey, Vito veto here's an idea for you if your comic fails get a job like the rest of us i mean yeah that's that's that's gonna have to happen work at target and steal stuff oh my god if i had to work retail again i can't i couldn't do it i'd kill myself i wouldn't kill myself kill myself look if it all falls apart i will go back to the card game company and I'll go, well, guys, I did it.

I crashed and burned and I ruined my life. Can I make spaceship cards again? And they will hopefully say yes. Why don't you just do more stuff? I'm doing, well, I don't know. I have some other ideas for how to make some money. We'll see. This is good.

This is going good, right? Yeah. What was that? I mean, yeah. God, I'm so fucked. Plumbo for $5.50. I love the capsule core Goku pad. Thank you. I also like this hat. I bought this hat recently at the Frank and Sons

collectible show. Oh, yeah. I wasn't planning on buying it, but as a veto, i feel inclined to buy the comic so you don't kill yourself it's a pretty good pitch tbh yeah it is thank you send a sister five you know i'll buy your comic you're a funny guy thank you uh berserk 850 for five cover the neurotic guys podcast next time on who are these podcasts yes i don't know if Carl's going to want to do that. Why? I don't know. I don't know. Are you saying he's a pussy?

He, some, Chrissy Margo's on there, so he probably can't do it. Can't, Carl could do whatever he wants. Carl's not going to pick

a fight with Chrissy. It's not a fight, it's just reviewing. He reviewed my podcast, that's why we're friends. I turned into Chrissy Mar's birthday show and she had on

Carl, Kumia, Eric July. And I went Alright Well It's the end of that So now Carl and Eric July Are probably gonna be

Best friends And that's gonna be The whole thing Cynicist for five Already said that Berserk You're gonna see him In Philly

Is Chrissy gonna be there though? I don't know Probably not Yeah I don't think so No Carl I think Carl and me are Yeah I don't think so No Carl I think Carl and me are okay I would hope so I hope so too

It's gonna be an awkward show Yeah no me and Carl are good I've been on his show I think he probably is like You know Carl's a pretty right leaning guy I think he's like Oh that fucking liberal

Piece of shit or whatever But In like a fun way Okay yeah Yeah Nick Ricada I think hates me Why do you think that? I think again

It's one of these things Where like they feel like They have to tolerate me Because of you I don't know about that I don't know I want to go on Nick Rikada's show

To promote my comic You should tell him that Or maybe I'll Send him a message What am I? No you're right You're not going to say anything Secretary

I just went off on that guy For telling me to tell Somebody else something You're right I'm not gonna go on I mean I would go on But I don't think He wants me on there

I'll say Let me come on We'll argue about something And I'll be the I'll be the fall guy I'll be the liberal Okay I'll say well maybe

Kids are trans You don't know And then he can rip on me And it'll be a whole thing That's true yeah Pop quiz for 999 Vito you're so amazing and based way better than boogie yeah now you'll see i'm gonna it's gonna get worse and

worse 0.024 for euro 5.99 do acid i'm on acid now you will die one day veto i'll buy a copy of super killer if you do a flip well buy it before i do the flip and then you'll do it and then i'll do it wet banded for 10 how can you claim y Yu-Gi-Oh! is for PDF files? Not only is there no true in player base, there's also no female player base. Thus having a smaller gross PDF file population per game. Well, that's a good argument. The margins, though.

Looks weird. Yeah. It looks gay. Yeah, looks messed up. Magic definitely has more of a trans population playing it. I don't know. The margins are tight. Nice and clean.

CarlLP for $4.99. How much for Vito to drop acid next episode? I mean, you got to buy him a million dollars. What are you? Antagonist for $5. Hey, Vito, hey, Dick, tell Captain Insano to sign the contract for me. Oh, there's an antagonist. He's here.

Okay. Woody was too scared, and I realized fighting an old man would be sad. Yeah, Captain Insano also said he wanted to open up at the Philly show, but then he just disappeared. Oh, I thought, yeah, you said he was going to. He's not going to now? He didn't answer my emails. Nothing. I don't know.

All right. I don't know. I don't know why I try. Peter Hansman, 550 Canadian, looking forward to seeing you guys in Philly. If Sean can't come, Vito should dress up as him with a very low-cut v-neck. I don't know why I try. Peter Hansman, 550 Canadian. Looking forward to seeing you guys in Philly. If Sean can't come, Vito should dress up as him with a very low-cut V-neck. No one wants to see that. He should, though. It's all hairy down here.

Oh, wow. That's a lot of hair. And some beautiful boobs. Umpty Madu for five. For anyone considering a boycott, look at Rusty Cage's most recent videos. For a hint of what you have to do to affect change, stop being a coward. Oh, okay. I kind of see what's going on.

Didn't he build a guillotine, or is that a joke ricky for 666 veto maybe you should look into obese six men in florida stealing cats and keeping them in his section 8 apartment uh well maybe i'll look into that crumples for 550 veto should stop treating twitter like his car and start treating it like the sidewalk i don't know what that means. Treat it like his car. Because you avoid the sidewalk? I should walk more? Yeah. I should stop going so fast on Twitter.

Jefferson for $4.99 says nothing. Thank you, Jefferson. Me for $5. If we do hate a company and boycotting doesn't work, well, you'd consider fair game to build. You can boycott them. You just have to do it for more than a week. You can't claim victory after three days.

Well, you guys like. And pick a better company to boycott. What do you want to boycott? The concept of advertising? Yeah. What are you boycotting? What exactly do you want to happen? You want Bud Light to not exist anymore?

It's fucking retarded. If it was a company, if Bud Light came out and said, you know, for every $5, we're going to cut a kid's dick off. I'd go, I get it. I'm there with you. But instead, they're just like, we want to sell,

stop drinking. We want to sell our shitty beer to trans people. I go, yeah, of course they want to sell their shitty beer. Obviously. Yeah. Like we're making milk.

I mean, the military cans are more offensive to me than any kind of LGBT shit. I fucking hate the military more than anything in the world, but I'm still drinking the beer. Just get a... You're mad that a multinational corporation is like, hey, there's a bunch of people we can sell these beers to. So do you just not want people

to sell trans people beer or do you only want... You don't want to see the ads? Then turn off the television. And don't watch guys who just repost the ads over and over Red Veil For 10 Be careful in Philadelphia

The people there eat horse droppings And Kensington looks like Fallout New Vegas I keep seeing videos from Philly and they keep scaring me Yeah it's a rough city Someone tell me all the cool touristy Food places to go to in Philly Gino's Or fucking Roberto's across the street

We should make a video The biggest problem in cheesesteaks And we get one of each And then just throw up And then go And let's eat Let's get 18 inchers And then eat them fast

And throw up in the street And play the Always Sunny over it You've been to Philly before Or no? Yeah Apparently you can go to The Paddy's Pub exterior

Or maybe it's just The original Paddy's. I don't know. Justin Rowland for five. Bringing in short attention spans is a problem twice was pure genius. Really, really nailed it. I really should have played that one off. If I had like convinced you, no, I'm pretty sure I haven't. Maybe I would have

seemed like less of an idiot. David Gomez for two. Yeah, I know. I did the jump cuts thing twice. D. Dotson for five. If you can't come up with two new quality problems, Vito, it makes me wonder if you can come up with a quality comic. That's a good point. Bloodman for five. Came for Dick.

Stayed for Vito. Wow. Justin Kent for one. Thank you. David March for 550. I have been in Vito's car and he was wearing a seatbelt. Hypocrisy of the highest order. Oh, really?

If a passenger's in the car, I'm like ashamed of the dinging. You know, like they're going to judge me. That's good for you. What if it's by myself? They are going to judge you. James Garter for 1999 has his cult prayer for Vito. Cara adds 30. No, I don't need a cult.

Oh, this is the opposite of what I want. Oh, my God. Do not kill yourself, Vito. Do not kill yourself until you go to the Friday Night Magic Tournament. It's going on right now. And get yourself a promo card that you can hoard in your Palace of Treasures. Don't kill yourself Until you get every card

Of magic In the real world In the online world Every card you cannot kill yourself By Allah There are no magic cards in Allah Or heaven or whatever we have There's no magic cards in heaven?

In Islamic heaven? No, they're haram Only Pokemon cards? It's Pokemon There's no magic cards in heaven? In Islamic heaven? No, they're haram. That's bullshit. Only... Only Pokemon cards? Only Pokemon. No! Only Pokemon.

But every set, Pikachu, Illustrator, everyone has. And the Japanese version, it's still worth $10 million a piece. What do I do with money in heaven? Buy more Pokemon cards? Yes, buy more Pokemon cards in heaven, a la heaven different. You have 72 virgin wives. You need all the money you can get.

Everyone get Pikachu illustrator card. Everyone get promo music from the movie. From the Pokemon movie 2000. I still have promo music. Everyone get all Burger King toys from the set of Pokemon. That would be pretty cool. I would like all the Burger King toys. Everyone get all Burger King toys from the set of Pokemon. That would be pretty cool.

I would like all the Burger King toys. Everyone get a Bulbasaur, a Tamagotchi, the Tamagotchi themed Pokemon Bulbasaur. Okay. But there is no magic cards. I need a Pokemon mini. Do you know those? Yes. What is that?

It's like a little handheld Pokemon game. Video games for Pokemon? They made like a specific Pokemon console. Yes, of course there is Pokemon console with Pokemon mini games. Pokemon mini. But no magic. I don't know if I can look. No magic. Maybe I can use the Pokemon cards to approximate the magic.

No, you can't even pretend to play Magic Card with a Pokemon. No, I know. They will disappear. Does not sound like my version of heaven. Right away. Even if you think of Drudge Rats or Skeletons or Seraphim Angel, you say that's a Bulbasaur. I'm going to play it like a Bulbasaur. I would say Bulbasaur instead of Seraphim Angel.

Put energy cards at the bottom of your thing. Yeah. No, don't attach them to the Pokemon cards. You will be kicked out of heaven. That's it for you. You will be kicked out of heaven. I don't know why the Islam is so obsessed with Pokemon. I don't.

But I guess. Because piety is Allah. Piety is Allah. In the all of heaven and earth All the bets to get cancelled for This is the stupidest one to get cancelled for Well

I look forward to my time in Islamic heaven Where everyone has a Pikachu illustrator card To sell to Make money for their 72 virgin wives Can't go wrong with that. Go down a little more and a little more and a little more and a little more. There we go. All right.

Thank you to Cara Froh and whoever else. Scroll down one more to James. She says it in her comment. Call to prayer. You didn't need me to scroll down. Okay. Well, I'm an idiot. LP Dirty Tea for $1.99. Check out Rusty Cage's Lemonade Stand video. I will watch that. Okay. Well, I'm an idiot. LP dirty tea for one 99. Check out

rusty cages, lemonade stand video. I will watch. We will. Steve for 20 says tube steep mare to weeb fair to be care. Got to me. Pair lewd teeth. Nair, not poo to square cube piece piece dare lasso lee lair two bean bear cat feed dare tattoo beef oh no who beware eyes huck knee garbage ah damn it too too good damn it close damn it but i skipped over the bad part nice try buddy david gomez for. How much for a called prayer about the Federal Reserve? It's not the way it works. A hundred bucks. Stereo Pegasus for two. Listening live while working retail. Really? Well, congratulations, man.

Hopefully the boss man doesn't find out you're having so much fun. Jimbo for 20 says, enchilada, my brothers. We must rally against the Federal Reserve. That's pretty fun. Ride Dog for five for Vito's ticket to Greenland fun. Ooh. You're gonna need more than five to get there. Fund my

ticket to Istanbul or whatever the fuck it is. For your hair transplant? Yeah, maybe the hair will make me happy. Vahoma Gods for five. The only trad people you see on Twitter are posers. The real ones are too busy going outside to talk about it online. That's true. The ones who are really living a trad life, I talked to one of them

He goes, man, I hate my fucking wife So I know what the trad life is, man I know the guys with the wife and the kids Mr. Beast's friend is a trad wife Yeah Trad man He's the most trad Married a woman

Had a kid How'd that go? Well, you're fucking looking at it, man Now I'm the lady Now I'm the lady Because I was tired of her shit Sick of it Replacing her

Fuzznut for $2. Says Goku. Lance Becker for $10. Carafro for $2 for the two-pay fund. Thank you. Oh, thanks. Small Goals for $20. Says the biggest paradigm in the universe is some people can attack white women.

And Dick Masterson without prosecution, but nobody else can. Me for $2. Vito dropped a TBF on mine last week. I thought we got all of them last week. If not, then Dick owes me a tweet. And FuzzNot25 for $1.99. I'm drunk on Coors because it's less gay. We'll do one final refresh.

I mean, none of it's gay. It's just drinking alcohol. It's just shitty beer, guys. You just drink it to have fun with it. Oh, and real quick, PanalloTheDrivingApe for five wants to know, does anyone have any thoughts on the Milo vs. Destiny debate? to have fun with it. Oh, and real quick, Panolo, the driving ape for Fi, wants to know, does anyone have any thoughts

on the Milo vs. Destiny debate? I have not watched it. Dick, did you watch it? I heard Destiny will never debate Milo again because he went after his wife and children. Yeah, that was weird. I don't really get the point of debates. Milo was late and showed up drunk

and ruined the whole thing. He did show up very late. Destiny started by reading something. Yeah. And I was like, well, he just called you like a... He kind of said that you... I think he tried to get it back on track. And then he says Destiny regressed that he didn't go full holds barred.

But I don't really like debates. All this shit is stupid. I called into Ralph during that, and I just shit on Ralph's... Yeah. The Vickers. The dad of his baby mama. Oh, that's what's going on right now? Yeah, and the wife, because she's so fat.

They're both so grossly fat, and they have nothing to do all day but tweet about Ralph. I just want everyone to stop fighting. I want everyone to stop worrying about trans people on beer about i just want everyone to stop fighting i want everyone to stop worrying about trans people on beer cans i want everyone to be happy and i can't have that yeah everyone's just mad all the time yeah the only way to get through the day is to go to biggest problem that show and vote on all the problems don't forget the biggest problem in 420 now available at patreon.com slash biggest problem. And don't forget to check out back dot by slash biggest problem. If you would prefer to pay for the show with crypto points, we're going to put up the list

of our top supporters who we love. I messed it up. I can't. Well, we can't find it. We'll put it up next week. Okay. The other point is guys, super killer. Hopefully this week, go superkiller.org

To find the link to the campaign Or join the mailing list And I will try to not go to Greenland I love you all God bless you God bless this show And God bless America Bye

Bye