The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 87

Episode Date: April 29, 2023

Hypocrisy, Inefficient Airplane Boarding, $1,000 Posters, Relying on Your Friends

Everybody's giving me guff in the chat. I go away, I go away for a week, and I come back to nothing but abuse. Something seems, oh, did you have an abusive week? I'm not touching that. Vito? I'm not touching that. Did you have a rough week? I'm not, you had a very loving house guest.

Back in my day, women would just leave a letter saying why they left and that they left. They wouldn't text you when you got to my house. By the way, I'm gone. I got your kid. Then setting you into a drunken spiral. I didn't say that. Spiral? What other shape should I use To describe drunkenness

A fucking cliff Not Spiraling Spiraling Inferred That we're still Going around the bowl Even a falling

Implies that there's A max There's a terminal velocity This is like a Accelerating into A black hole Half misery Seems like

He was having fun No Was there I didn't I didn't watch The shows Half misery Seems like he was having fun No? Was there I didn't I didn't watch the shows Those of you who are unaware Ethan Ralph's wife has Taken his child

It sounds funny when you say it And absconded to And texted him When he got to my house Saying what she'd done Yes so Instead of leaving a letter at home Called a dear John

Dear John letter That's what It's exciting. John letter. That's what it's called. Cause you were all prepared. Cause Ethan Ralph for one is court case. You were like, this is going to be like a fun celebratory period of triumph. We had a couple of good hours. One or two good hours before the,

the news hits. Well, we laughed, nodded Ethan Ralph's unfortunate situation, just the absurdity of society. I'm laughing at how much I suffer. Yeah, you suffer.

I get dicked over. Nobody thinks, oh, okay, I'm going to send this text. What about me? What about poor Dick? What are you doing? Did you guys get to have any fun? I was thinking about coming over,

but I kind of, from your tone, got the idea that maybe I should just stay away. You know, I'll talk about it on my show. And I'm sick, too, so I was sick the entire time. That's the only reason I was staying away. You got sick at the live show. Yeah, should we start the show? Yeah, let's do it.

We've got so much to talk about. So much is talk about. So much is going on on the biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from bars that aren't nice to doing the same problem twice. My host, Dick Masterson, and joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi. How are you, buddy? Do I have light in my eyes left? Do I have any remaining light left in my eyes?

They're a little duller than usual. They're a little duller than usual. Slowly the color is fading. Before and after the war. Got a bit of a thousand-yard stare. You've been through a lot in the last... Thousand pounds. No, that's a bad joke.

That's a good joke. Maybe not the timing is a little off. You've been through so much. You had the big live show, which we went to over the weekend. I love Ralph. I just want to say that. I love Ralph. I hope everything improves.

And then you come home sick, and of course your friend is suffering. Did you have a nice relaxing week after that grueling 72-hour show that we did? It kind of felt, it did feel a bit long, but you know what? No, I mean all the meeting and stuff. All the meeting, yes. There was a lot. It was a whole tour de force of so many fans coming up to me, their palms sweaty with some sickness,

trying to get me to take ketamine. I was like, no, I'm good, man. Maybe next time. There was a lot of drug dealers in that audience. There was a lot of drug guys. I had to put out a notice on my show. Like, guys, if it's my first time meeting, you don't offer me drugs. Well, that's kind of the problem.

First time, no. I don't want to take drugs from a guy. For all I know, you're like one of those guys going, I'm going to kill Vito, and then I'll be internet famous. I don't test for fentanyl. I don't think any of you do either. We all say it. This is good. I don't believe you.

Right. Yeah, no, he did make that. He said very clearly, definitely doesn't have fentanyl in it. And I go, well, now I think there is some because you're so sure of it. I don't believe you right yeah no he did make that he said very clearly definitely doesn't have fentanyl in it i go well now i think there is some because you're so sure of it i don't believe you all i know is i i saw how that weed cookie uh ruined tony on the last show and i didn't want to interfere with my performance uh during our live event plus there was plenty of alcohol to go around so i was manny did happy Do you like that? Manny did fantastic Hakuna Matata

Hakuna Matata What a wonderful phrase What does it mean? What does it mean? We can't say it on this platform No We can't say it and still get paid Well I'm looking forward to the entire live show recording

Which I'm sure everybody's going to end up putting up somewhere, right? Yeah. So it'll be on... Hey, Wald, at patreon.com slash biggest problem. We'll put it up there, too. Yeah. I'm sure it'll be on Carl's page as well. It was fun. It seemed like a lot of... Like, how many of the guys were Carl's guys? I mean, I don't know. I assume

everybody watches everything. Yeah, I guess, because they're all good content, so... I went, and I was like, ah, no one's going to... There's going to be, like, ten biggest problem guys. But then it was like, oh,. Yeah, I guess. Because they're all good content. I went and I was like, ah, there's going to be like 10 biggest problem guys. But then it was like, oh my God, I kept having people come up. A lot of people kept telling me not to kill myself. So that was nice of you guys. How about that one guy when you asked him, do you like the biggest problem? And he said, no.

Was that that Asian guy? There was one guy who tried to neg me and I don't know if he was doing a bit or not No, I think I wouldn't call him Asian Yeah I don't think he thought it was so funny what he was doing Yeah, he was just kind of like deadpan No, I don't listen to that show

Yeah, deadpan Yeah, no I don't know why he came up to talk to me then That was my funniest moment of the whole You're like, well, you know, do you like the biggest problem? No Cool alright Can I sign your thing fuck you I liked when Nick Ricado was like

This is my mod this weird long haired Kid and then uh Found him in the fetal position on the street puking His guts out cause I think he took some substances which I don't want to out him or anything But uh I don't know if you already have

He drank too much let's assume that He took too much of the substance of alcohol I go Nick have you seen your mod recently He's like oh he went home he texted me He said he had a great time I'm like oh cause he's on the street just literally Throwing up his brain Yeah well done

Leaking into the gutter Take that you fucking janny Clean that up Well wait Did you tell the story About the Maddox fan though Oh uh I don't think I did

You didn't This was great Yeah go ahead So we're outside It was the night before the show We did like a big meet up At like a bar And we're all hanging out

Drinking Which we always do And if you don't go to those Fuck you You're stupid That's the best part of it That's like the fun man The show's great but it's second to the show sure anyway we're all hanging out and some guys like what buying the merch is the best part yeah buying the merch

which we which we'll we'll get to we have a lot of merch related stories so we're all hanging out on the street this is not this sounds like i'm making it up this literally happened we're hanging out and some guy some random guy from, not, does not know the show, does not know anything. He's walking by and he goes, what is this? I see a lot of you guys or whatever. Yeah. Like, oh, we're all like fans.

It's like this internet community. It's like an internet show and we're all like fans of it. We're all racists. You know, uh, we're all fans of this guy, you know, Dick, it's like an old school, like internet thing. He's like, oh, old school internet, like Homestar Runner or Maddox. like internet thing. He's like,

Oh, old school internet, like Homestar Runner or Maddox. And we all went, well, you're both right and wrong. And like, yes, kind of like Maddox,

but in a very specific way, definitely not Maddox. And it was a really just fascinating. And as you commented, he's here, random people still remember who Maddox is. And he threw like people on the street. That's how much of an influence he had.

And we're here doing a giant live show for 300 people that if, if he could have been a part of all of this. Yeah. Like everybody kissing his ass all night and stuff. And like talking about, you know, I've, you got me through

Tough times Like 30 years ago We'd have been doing The show for 10 years I'm a huge piece of shit And people still come up to me And they go Oh your stuff's just so funny man

It's so great we're doing And I'm like wow This is a huge ego booster Yeah And he's sitting alone Playing Dragon Quest Beneath you know 3D sharks or whatever The fuck he's got on his wall Wait he can't play Dragon Quest Beneath you know 3D sharks or whatever the fuck

He's got on his wall. Wait he can't play Dragon Quest because We played that together so I have characters On his save of Dragon Quest With my jokes on them so He can't play that. Well hopefully he got The new one and he deleted all the dick related There's a new one with chicks with bigger tits They all have decently sized chicks

Tits I'd say Dragon Quest is pretty good at that. I think they make the ladies look pretty good. They always fuck with you, though. They always pretend they're going to let you shove boobs in your face, and then it's like a joke. What kind of joke is that? That's a fucked up one. Some kind of Japanese joke?

Nuke them again. There's a part where, like, your character gets brought, like, down into this area under the bar, and she's like, oh, I I'm gonna give you the puff puff And you're like oh the puff puff Put it right in my dick you bitch Well she just takes your blindfold And she takes two slimes and just rubs them on the back of your head And you're like ah

I'll take it I'll come to that that's great Your main character's having a good time with it Anyway we had a great time at the live show We're gonna put it up on the feeds It was an interesting Fucking mix of people Time with it anyway we had a great time At the live show we're gonna put it up on the feeds Well it was a Interesting fucking mix of people We'd have a show we'd have a show Somewhere yeah

Just imagine the other thing is that the trajectory Would not have been interrupted by all this Bullshit and lawsuits so it Actually would be better than what's happening Right now yeah you might be on Like TV or something no one likes me Right He really It really puts it in perspective Yeah. You might be on like TV or something. No one likes me. Right.

He really, it really puts it in perspective when a guy on the street goes, Oh, like Maddox. I love that guy. He's right inside. Yeah. We would have said, he's not there.

No, but he's not there and he never will be. That was great. Thank you, Carl, for planning it, putting it all together for everybody else. Vinnie, Nick, Madcox, putting it all together. Thank you, Carl. And for everybody else. Vinny, Nick, Madcox.

Who am I? Carl's wife. I don't know who else. Tony from Acta Movies. Tony from Acta Movies. Mint Salad Riley. Did you get Nick Riccata? Yeah.

Yeah. All new. He's a great Vinny. I don't know who you said, but. I thank the lawyers first. Yeah. That's good. We had a great show.

Ton of fun. Thanks to everybody who came out. It's even got us Talking about We gotta do more Live biggest problem shows Yeah we're thinking About doing one Locally in LA Like every other month

Yeah And having a couple Comedians and then Doing a little live show Just like a live taping Cause honestly it's great When we have people Sit in like on the show

Yeah Get a little laughter In the background So if you're in the LA No throwing up Or goofy shit Like Steven fucking Salvatore's backyard

Hecklers will be dealt with swiftly You're out of here Come on, you're gone Oh, I forgot to talk about the best part of the show on my show A heckler in the front row starts heckling And Vito just goes I'll skull fuck you and kill your family Shut your fucking mouth

Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Like, it was like you finally gave in to like, I'm gonna fuck, I'm gonna fuck up a heckler the way like no one's ever seen. And I was my jaw was dry. I was like, yes.

I was like Jack Nicholson in the back. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's pretty funny because my stand-up set was admittedly kind of mid because I only had like five minutes. I'm like, I don't know what I got. But everybody was like, uh, stand-up was okay. But you really fucked that heckler good. And I'm like, well.

You should have just fucked up the heckler for the rest of the time. Because Vinny didn't know what to do. Were they heckling Vinny as well? Because they're just drunk assholes. Yeah. Yeah, so as soon as he did it, shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up. I'll skull fuck you and kill your whole fucking family.

Fuck you. Fuck you. I did get a good laugh with that. And he shut up. He did, yeah. I think you really have to shock them into submission. It was great. Okay.

I almost felt a little bad because he looked at me like, what happened, bro? And I'm like, you're heckling. Stop heckling. You don't feel bad. No, they don't understand. They're like mentally. Anyway, whatever. They're drunk.

They're drunk out of their minds. It's hilarious. It was funny. Now it's a pastime. It is. Now they have to do it. No, don't heckle, guys. God damn it.

They gotta do it. All right. All right. Who won? We missed the show because we were doing the live show, but we have the results. Shockingly, short attention spans. Did you put it up as a separate problem, or is it like calibrating the votes twice? I don't know.

Is that adding to the votes from the previous? I don't know. That would mean I cheated significantly. Short attention spans. Yeah, that's on there twice. Okay. Alright. It would be funny if it just happened. No, it's one. Then I kind of cheated because didn't I save all the votes from the last time? Well, Vito, we'll let it

slide, okay? We'll let it slide. I do feel retarded. Stock market morons. Yes. They're still, they won that. They won their boycott. Is that? They won.

We'll get to it. We're going to get in all that, I'm sure. Cover charges, 192. That's pretty good. Google Doodle Dummies is way, way down. What is wrong with you people? You're worried that there's not a Christmas Google Doodle or an Easter Google Doodle? Yeah.

That's stupid. Put the lotion on its, put the doodle on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Okay. Give us the fucking, just draw it. Well, I would like to say I'm an idiot. I still can't believe I did the same problem twice. And I'm going to try and blame it on me being all Fluster headed Trying to get this stupid comic campaign going

I had about six things in my head I didn't say I don't want you to know that My plan now Because I said it would be ready now And it wasn't Because I had to get prepped for the live show Honestly it wouldn't have made sense for me to launch it And then be constantly obsessing over the live show as well

Yeah yeah yeah So I'm thinking It thinking my fault first of the month monday that's my plan monday i'm so close what about uh what mayday what when is that is it mayday i don't know mayday's a thing yeah may first you're saying first of the month or the second and then it'll probably slip a week after that look man everybody's fucking with me i keep sending it to people and they're like well you First of the month Or the second And then it'll probably Slip a week after that Cocktease Look man Everybody's fucking with me I keep sending it to people And they're like Well you gotta change this

You gotta change this Do like Star Wars Day And it'll get drowned out By everything else It'll get drowned out By Star Wars garbage That's a terrible plan Have him killing Yoda

And raping Yoda Okay And Leia I don't want that That's not part of it I will say It's looking great You know We've started lettering it.

I'm talking to the colorist. It's all coming together. Are you taking shit? I am taking shit constantly. You got to take no shit. That's what Larry would do. Yeah. Larry Blydener would take no shit.

It's hard when you literally can't draw it yourself, so you have to take all the shit from all the... Use AI. That's what these artists do, man. Use AI. No big deal. Someday that will be true. Right now, these little art kids have all the power, all the... That's what these artists do, man. No big deal. Someday that will be true. Right now, these little art kids

have all the power and they know it. I shouldn't talk about my artist that way. I love my artist. I love this guy. He's fantastic. Alright? The only thing is I live in constant fear of upsetting him

Because if like I piss him off It's a done You're like Crowder's wife Yeah exactly Even though we have a perfectly fine relationship I'm always like oh god if I fuck this up I'm fucked Is he happy I don't know Okay

Alexander says on behalf of all high people Sorry for being annoying That's okay John says dick cackling Sorry for driving drunk Andrew says, on behalf of all high people, sorry for being annoying. That's okay. No, you're fine. John says, Dick cackling, sorry for driving drunk. On behalf of all the drunk people. Yeah. Sorry.

Sorry. Get a new family. Dick cackling when Vito brought in attention spans again with the exact same stats really made me weak. I'm like actually mentally stupid. At least I figured it out. At least I didn't do the whole problem without realizing it. Well, that would be weird. Yeah.

I started saying some of the stats and I went, I have definitely said this before. It's weird that you didn't see that the link was clicked on when you went to do the stats. Right? Why is it purple? Maybe I cleared them. I don't remember. That's odd. That's peculiar as well.

Britsman says, Vito, I'll pay you for a hair tattoo. SMP if you come to Korea. I don't want a hair tattoo. I've seen those. Well, but he says they do it super realistic here. Really? And you have a nicely shaped dome. It makes you look like you got a buzz cut.

I just had mine done, and I think it would look quite handsome on you. Did he send a picture? No, I asked him to send me a picture, but he didn't send one. Look up Korean hair tattoo. I want to see this. Okay. Let's see if I got it. Korean hair.

I want the actual hair. From, like, your ass, though. So, for Tony, I went to his house. Yeah. So we could have sex But we also recorded I'm just kidding And we also recorded an episode of Hack the Movies Where we watched the movie Face Off

You remember that movie? This is just a way for you to comment It's not like I know you remember the movie But How did you want me to say it? I mean it's like I saw the movie Face Off I got a hand job

You ever get one of those? Anyway It's the turn of phrase This whole show is about Punishing me For using very common English phrases That's the entire theme Of the show

That's my Theme of my life dude What does Vito say TBF all the time What a fucking idiot Everyone says it We're just trying to Give you more power

Point is If you don't say those things You have more power Over people Stupid Look at these These look great What are you talking about? That's a tattoo Yeah Everyone says it. We're just trying to give you more power. Point is. If you don't say those things, you have more power over people. Stupid truth. Look at these. These look great. What are you talking about?

That's a tattoo? Yeah. That's fucking weird. Even his forehead is a tattoo. I don't like this. That's creepy to me. Korea is. It's great, man.

Look at that. That looks good. Semi-permanent makeup from Korea. All right. What were you saying, Sam? I was saying that uh i understand why travolta fought so hard to keep that hair because man he's got good looking hair in that face-off movie oh yeah is it real i think so well i mean it was probably a comb over

thing but i look good um let's see i want tra. Hey, Dick, I knocked this out in the last half hour. I want some of your Travolta wig. Go ahead. Oh, yeah. If you're going to do a Vito's Twitter set. Oh, yeah. Rob, Rob Cajoujo sent this in. We're going to have to cut the show down to like two problems because we got so much great pre-show now.

We're fine. I love all this stuff. Why? How long have we been going? 20 minutes? No. Oh, yeah. I forgot about this.

Okay. So this is Kaiju Turtle. all this stuff why how long have we been going 20 minutes no oh yeah i forgot about this okay so this is uh kaiju turtle he sent me a message saying he was very upset that i got reinstated but everyone is everyone wants me to suffer um from kaiju turtle vetoes twitter i hate you guys finally it's time for me to launch the Kickstarter for my original comic book, Super Killer. This is my shining achievement, and if it does not succeed, I will end my own life. Better go on Twitter.com and promote the hell out of it. Hey! Aren't you that guy who defended the Cuties movie?

I hate how accurate this is. You disgusting pedophile. Why don't you go fucking die? God damn it. This is it. It's all over for me. Yes. Never before has any man, woman, or child faced greater hardship or adversity than I.

In this moment, having been banned from a website, my time has passed. Perhaps I will shed the bonds of society and retreat into seclusion with naught but a feline companion. Even still, I can only imagine comfort in the harrowing mud of the eternal void, whisking whatever done for memorial. I'm trying to support this comic. This is good. Shut up. Once was Vito into nothingness.

I hate you guys so much. Do not pray for me. I am already dead. Yeah, all right. Okay. I'm Melda Dramatic. I get it. Because you cry so much and threaten to kill yourself so much.

Oh, they updated it? I'm on band. Vito's Twitter. Vito's Twitter. There you go. Vito being Vito on Twitter. I'm listening band. Vito's Twitter. There you go. Vito being Vito on Twitter. I'm listening to that song. Updated.

Yeah, good. Thanks. Kaiju Turtle. Thank you. I have to appreciate the craftsmanship. Look, when we did the show, it was literally like an hour after I got banned from Twitter. I had a little meltdown. Better now. I'm fine. It was so funny. I was I got banned from Twitter I had a little meltdown Better now, I'm fine It was so funny

I was on the way driving over here I'm like, why won't my Twitter refresh? It was like, you're banned, your life is shit You're never going to be able to promote anything And then you did it right away You said something about fucking kids And I was like, oh, he didn't learn And then I deleted it

I have one last one Barfius says, I have a crazy proposition for you, Vito. Remember when Kyle from PKA hosted Wings of Redemption at his place for a weight loss boot camp? No, I don't remember that. I'm aware of that. I realize that I'm in the perfect position to do that for you, Vito. My parents have a five-bedroom lake house, spring-fed private lake and subdivision in Missouri, just south of St. Louis. I'm willing to host Vito for two to three weeks for a weight loss boot camp.

He won't have access to a car or food from any sources other than a pre-regulated diet. He'll have unlimited access to private biking, walking roads, and a lake to swim in. Along with my dad's gym, I will pay for everything except his flight. Well, that's... What the fuck? What do you mean? Why? Vito and I could film all of it, and he could edit it for his channel. He could even do a PKA with Taylor, who also lives in Saint-Lazare in person.

I'm honestly sick of watching Vito waste his abilities, talents, and life because of his misery, depression from being obese. That is true. Realistically, I think he could lose 20 to 30 pounds in two weeks. If you think he would be interested, can you give him more details? What do you think about that? Sounds terrible. Sounds like a good, it's like misery, but.

So I'm trapped in a guy's cabin and he's forcing me to. Spring fed. Eat healthy food. Private lake. And work out. Yeah. What do you think? Wait, you're not going to lose a lot of weight in two, three weeks.

Well, he's going to control all your food. It's got to be like a six-month thing. Like Buffalo Bill. Yeah, so he's going to starve me. Starve. Okay. Is he like an accredited- You can't have Mountain Dews whenever you want.

I'm starving. Maybe if this guy was like a licensed nutritionist or something, but I'm just going to go- Okay, so if he's a licensed nutritionist, then maybe. Then I'll think about go. Okay, so if he's a licensed nutritionist, then maybe. Then I'll think about it. Okay, okay. When a guy just goes, I have a house and I cannot feed you. It's like, well, a lot of people have that option. Yeah, it's a private spring.

Okay, what do you got? I've got my favorite segment, of course. Everyone's favorite segment. Vote it up! This is... Oh, yeah. Did we do this one? This is good. I can't remember.

Everyone's tipping, but it's not enough. Tip more! Everyone's getting wet cuffs Oh Everyone's contouring So they don't look so fat Not so warm

Everyone's protein is stuck to the glass To the glass Everybody's got the biggest problem. Everybody's got to vote it up. Vote it up. Yes. Kelly Vanley. The biggest problem that shows is those websites.

That's the site. Kelly Vanley. Everyone else voted up. You put your vote in stuff. You're such a cuck. Oh. That's a classic. You want to not be so fat. You should stop fucking your cat. You want to share your views.

Just please don't mention the juice. Don't mention the juice. Here on the Vote It Up Folks It's everyone's favorite segment Where we revisit past problems

And put them in a new light Dick, you remember the problem of Dead name drama from episode 53 Yeah This is of course transgender people Not wanting you to use their birth name Considering it almost akin to a hate crime Yeah

Well Twitter has quietly removed their policy against the targeted misgendering or dead naming of transgender individuals, raising concerns that the Elon Musk owned platform is becoming less safe for marginalized groups. Their official policy against dead naming has been removed from their terms and service guidelines. against deadnaming has been removed from their terms and service guidelines. Sarah, Kate Ellis,

the president and CEO of glad says this decision to roll back LGBTQ safety pulls Twitter even more out of step with Tik TOK, Pinterest, and meta, which all maintain similar policies to protect their transgender users. Well, as anti-transgender rhetoric online Is leading to real world discrimination And violence Dick you can now dead name people on Twitter

Without getting banned You just can't call them pedophiles for some reason Well you told them to go fuck children That's the problem I told you you can't put those words together It's a metaphor It's like an allegory I don't get why.

You met a four-year-old and fucked them? Is that what you mean? No, that's not what I said. Point is, I know we have a lot of transgender listeners in the audience. Yeah. A lot of trans fans. We are worried for your safety on the Twitter platform. Someone may attempt to use your legal name.

Wow. Sorry. What can you do? That's currently problem number 105 with 396 votes. Don't forget to vote it up. Now, Dick, this is a problem I think you'll identify with. People say that I have a small dick, though, on Twitter. That's been fine.

That's body shaming. That's worse than what trans people are going through. I do think that we talk all about the body of smorphia of trans people. We don't talk about the body of smorphia of guys with small dicks, short guys. Again, I'm not. You're doing it right now. But I'm saying. My point was.

They should be protected. Saying you have a small dick should be death penalty. Yeah. Way more than, oh, you're actually a guy. Like, you give a small dig Guys let's go Let's kill him He's dead

We're gonna call Your dad or somebody We're gonna call the nearest guy With you And he's gonna come kill you For that I think we can all agree on that I think that's fair

But we can't That's the That's the sad part Well I think these Platforms really need to figure out What's the point In a way I think it's good That Twitter is saying, listen, we can't tell you not to say crazy things. Isn't that the whole point of this?

Yeah. But they keep adding these rules and regulations and poor innocent guys like me get caught up in the crossfire. Just trying to have a little bit of fun. Oh, man. What if Twitter didn't exist? What would we talk about? I don't know. I would have nothing. Dick, here's a problem you're really going to What would we talk about? I don't know. I would have nothing.

Dick, here's a problem you're really going to love. It's a problem I call not enough Shawnees. Oh, wow. From episode 39. Well, that problem, Dick, I think we're going to have to vote it down. Because Shawnees are now available once again at shawnees.art. Yeah, they're cool. How are they?

How's this round of Shawnees going? They're half gone. Can you tell us how many were made? 10,000. So there's 5,000 that are gone. Wow, that's a lot. There's some good ones. There's one really good one that no one's found yet. So you can buy it with your credit card or with like Maddox or whatever.

You don't have to sign up for a stupid wallet or something. You can just plug in your credit card. There's one that hasn't been found That's the real secret If anyone gets a real good super killer Or veto or mix Shawnee Trade me

There's a super killer and a veto one I have one that's like the veto beard And the super killer hat but it doesn't have glasses So I'm like oh it's so close Yeah exactly I'm using it as my avatar but I'm hoping someone gets the full set killer hat but it doesn't have glasses so i'm like oh you gotta get the glasses exactly i can't i'm using it as my avatar but i'm hoping someone gets the full set i bought about 40 shawnees thanks yeah corgan gets half of that the artist money yeah part of it i love corgan so i'm happy

to support and i figured i'd give some away it's a dollar somebody was saying like well you know this is this was only funny when nft's like bro bro, it's a dollar. It's a dollar. It's for fun. It supports the artists, supports the shows. It's a fun thing, man. And I'm going to give some away at some point. I don't know. Maybe as part of Super Killer, I'll give away some Shawnees. Well, Dick, this is a spinoff segment, our new exciting segment.

We're doing more segments? Yes, we are. I feel like I'm back in Carl's. Carl's. Land of segments. At some point. We got to do this one. We got to do the show at some point.

Look, this will be quick. Can we do it next week? No, this will be quick. We have to do it. You want to rush through it instead? Shut up. Go play the new song. I'm telling you, Steve. The new stinger.

You guys do this. For our new segment. You guys fucking do this. Boycott of the week. It do this boycott of the week it's the boycott of the week dick i can't we can't not do boycott do it next time or you could have skipped the voted okay go go go go go shut up this week dick the hashtag boycott fox news was briefly trending after news that famed political commentator Tucker Carlson has been fired. So we're now done with the woke beer.

That was the past Boycott of the Week. This Boycott of the Week is Fox News. Congresswoman Majority Taylor Greene said cable news is about to be taught a powerful lesson after Fox News caved to the woke mob and fired Tucker Carlson. An Act for America petition to reinstate Tucker Carlson in. De-woke-ify Fox News has already gotten 750,000 signatures. It's the Boycott of the Week, folks. Fox News, add them to the board. Boycott of the Week.

That was not a big enough boycott to demand that we do that bit. It's the Boycott of the week. It's pretty big. It's not. No, I didn't even hear about it. People are talking about it. They're saying we should do it. That's what the conservatives are focused on this week.

I don't think so. Bud Light. None of their boycotts get off the ground. That's the point of the segment. They go, we're going to boycott this thing. And then they do it for like a day. I just think to delay the show more time. That was a two second segment and you're delaying it more by negging my segment.

I'm just, this is a teaching moment. Leave a comment. Do you like boycott of the week? It was quick and simple. That's right. Boycott of the week. It's got a great stinger intro too. People are going to be pissed that it held up the show.

Two seconds. Two seconds. It wasn't even a good debut. It's got a great stinger intro too People are going to be pissed that it held up the show It took two seconds It wasn't even a good debut If it was like boycotting like chocolate or something Or boycotting like feet That would have been a good debut of the segment Boycotting Fox News I just don't think it was a good debut Of the bit

Well I think the fans will disagree And they love Boycott of the week Boycott Of the week Okay Go ahead Am I the winner?

I'm the winner Dick Fuck you Shut up No I just feel like my I feel like my fucking brain's You know what I'm saying It was a very traumatic week for me

I mean it's a very traumatic week I only know how to process things Through like comedy But it's very It was a very traumatic week for me. I mean, it's a very traumatic week. I only know how to process things through, like, comedy, but it was a very traumatic week. Well, I hear you, Dick. Well, speaking of trauma. Addiction, all these, these are big things, you know? Life-changing things, okay? Well, why don't I stay on the topic of the live show, then? Because I experienced my-

No, no, no, do that. Do whatever you want. Well, I'm going to do it this way. Okay, okay. I experienced my own trauma as part of the live show. Yeah. The problem I'm calling relying on your friends. What I've learned a valuable lesson.

I feel like I've learned this lesson before. I feel like I've learned this lesson before with this individual. We previously attempted to rely on and drop the ball. who we previously attempted to rely on and drop the ball. And we made jokes about it for like a year about all that ball dropping he did. And then I said, you know who I can trust? I can trust my good friend, Tony from Hack the Movies. Tony Ball Dropper Peluso.

Tony Ball Dropper Peluso. Someone who, a good guy, supposedly, He's got a great smile, great attitude. Would never steer you wrong. Except he would because it's almost like the trust you place in him. Yeah. It's like if he was an employee, he wouldn't fuck up, right? But because he's your friend, he's like, oh, I got it. Everything's going to be great.

All right. So we're doing the show. I don't get a cut of the door or anything, which is fine. I don't want one. I don't think I get a cut of the door or anything, which is fine. I don't want one. I don't think I get a cut of the door. We'll talk about that as well. I'm sure that's going to come up. But I go, no, I'm there for the fans, and I'm going to sell a little merch.

Helps me make a couple extra bucks. Hold on. I have a violin upstairs. Let me go grab that. There is no violin. I have very Jewish. I am not complaining. I'm happy with the situation because I can sell the merch. It's great. And I also understand it's a dick show. I am not complaining. I'm happy with the situation because I can sell the merch. It's great.

And I also understand it's a dick show. It's W-A-T-P. When we do the biggest problem thing, I get a cut of that. It's great. So I go, you know what will be great? I'll make a little extra money. I will ship Tony two boxes of my famous card game, Enemy Weapon, now available at enemyweapon.com. Okay.

And, you know, they're kind of heavy. So I had to send them like UPS. I went, well, you know, they're kind of heavy, so I had to send them, like, UPS. I went, well, you know, it's going to cut in. Two boxes? How many copies of Enemy Weapon did you send? Well, that would have been, I think it's 24 copies. I brought six copies of Winter's Drink. And you sold out.

I sold five. Oh, really? You didn't even sell the last one? 24 copies? Well, all right alright There's gonna be 300 whatever people there How many people were there Three

Three Three thirty If I was there Look we did the biggest problem show I sold a whole fucking box So Whatever I sent a couple extra

If there's any left over I was gonna throw them In my luggage Might as well air On the side of caution Well I guess Yeah so I sent them to Tony.

I sent him a message. First, I ask, is this okay? He goes, of course. Here's my address. Not specifying that this is a P.O. box. I assume it's his house address. I'm like, oh, well, it'll arrive at his house. So I don't need to like.

That's how that happens? Yeah. I'm like, I don't have to like be like, oh, don't forget to pick them up or like check on them. It'll literally just be at his front door. At no point does he tell me this is a PO box, which would have been very useful. A UPS store PO box. So you can use it on like forums and stuff.

Useful information to have. So I go, great. I'll pay the expedited shipping. It'll be there on Friday. The show is on Saturday. So I checked the UPS thing. It says be there on Friday. The show is on Saturday. So I checked the UPS thing. It says it arrives on Saturday.

Delivered on Saturday or on Friday. Sorry, Friday. So the whole, the day before the show, it gets there right on time. And I go, Tony did my package arrive. And he goes, oh bro, you know, I've been all sick all day. So I gotta, I gotta pick it up. He probably got me sick. Yeah, he might've.

He was, he missed our fun day on Friday. He goes I gotta pick it up. He probably got me sick. Yeah, he might've. He was, he missed our fun day on Friday. He goes, but don't worry. I'll pick it up from the PO box tomorrow. I'm like, Oh, it's at a PO box. I didn't even realize. I'm like, well, just make sure you get it. Then on Saturday I sent him another message. I go, so you got that stuff, right? And he goes, Oh, the way you're wording this makes it sound like it's a large package. I'm like, what do you, what do you mean? Yeah. I told you I was sending boxes of merch for the show. He's like, oh, I thought you were like sending me something.

I'm like, well, you thought I was sending you like a little gift for no reason? Classic Italian. When you go to stay with someone, you mail them a gift in advance. You don't bring it in your own luggage or anything. What am I going to carry? A gift over here?

I sent it to you in the mail. Hey, let me actually bring up the exact text message, Shane, here. Yeah, you know what I love about this? It's like why the mob exists. Because you need eight Italian guys to pick up a box. To get anything done? Yeah, pretty much. Two Italian guys.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's closed today? Oh, hey, go find who opens this place and say you're going to kill them to come open the fucking BO box. Oh, what was I supposed to do this yesterday? This does feel like the reason, the problem with the Italian mob was a lack of, you needed to- That's why it exists.

Well, that's why we had to kill so many guys because they would constantly fuck up. Like, I don't know what happened, Big Tony. And then we would kill one and get another Stupid Italian I'll fucking kill you It's the only way to motivate these fucking mooks Can I mail some merch to you and have you Bring it to the show yeah And then he just posts an address that is

Yeah in like quotes No he just said yeah And then he posted his address I said okay that's great Uh let's see. Then, hey, on Saturday, this is a, what do you call it? When was the show? Was the show on Saturday?

22nd. Yeah, of course. Okay. So this was, I sent it to him. At some point I told him, okay, okay, here we go. Friday, 4 p.m. Okay. Hey, buddy, did my two packages show up today? This is me assuming they would be delivered to his house. Right, right we go. Friday, 4 p.m. Okay. Hey, buddy, did my two packages show up today?

This is me assuming they would be delivered to his house. Right, right, right. So I didn't assume I had to tell him ahead of time or anything. He goes, I didn't go to the P.O. box to check. I'll do it tomorrow before the show. Uh-oh. I go, okay, well, that's fantastic. Saturday at 11.30 a.m., okay?

Yeah. Well, the post office is still open right now. 11.30am Okay The post office is still open right now 11.30am Hey can you remember To pick up those boxes Hey retar that's the unspoken Okay Then Tony

Goes calls me On the phone and he goes again What time? I don't know if I have the time stamp on here It was around 3 o'clock I want to say 3pm or so He calls me up and he goes oh hey were there going to be big boxes

Like I can't just get them out of the little locker And I'm like yeah no you're going to have to go and pick them up He's like did you know the post office closes Early on Saturdays And I'm like yes I did Well I think I did know that. I think that's why I texted you at 1130 and said, hey, you remembered to pick up those boxes, right? So the moral of the story is that I did not have my merch show up to the show because I trusted my friends.

And Tony goes, don't worry, we have a solution And shows up with bags of Shitty Hanes t-shirts I don't know if I'm happy about this or not They were a big hit They were a big hit Tony showed up with the official Vito's merch I have to tell you, there's a lot of politics Behind the scene on the Vito's merch scene

What do you mean? Because apparently this was Riley's idea And he's very upset that Tony's getting all the credit for it. Tony's not getting any credit for anything. That they showed up with two bags of like those, I hate to say it, but

those shitty like Hanes like 10 stack of shirts. Why would you hate to say it looks like dog shit? Hold on, let me find. I was at the booth screaming at people who were buying it not to buy it Because it was so crappy And it was a joke merch Do not buy this shitty joke merch

I'm looking for If you go to my page you might find it quicker Yeah but I want to see the comparison Yeah so I Tony and Mint Salad Scribbled on it Vito's merch I don't agree with this comparison

Yeah, this is Dick thinks it looks like a clan outfit Here's Vito's merch I kind of get what you're saying There's Vito's merch So it has Vito's merch written on the top Then Mint Salad did the Super Killer logo As shittily as possible

Which is great You didn't do it That looks great for riding on a shirt. Why is Mint getting shit on when you've done... I love it. I didn't do it. This is all Tony's fault. And I signed it off to the side. Okay, and this is what it looks

like. It's not looking like that. Doesn't it? No. A little bit? Maybe a little. I get the comparison you're making. Yeah, because it looks the same The meaning behind it is the same The meaning is not the same at all Vito's merch with a red like

Symbol of Christian Brotherhood And then here's a symbol of Christian Brotherhood I feel kind of bad Because I was like well I want to make I want to get some money here So I sold them for 25 bucks each And you guys were selling like the nice screen printed shirts for like 20. And I sold out of these shitty $20, like these shitty meme shirts.

I don't think you should feel bad there. Well, I don't feel bad that people are dumb enough to buy this crap. I want to tell people, can you take that? Oh, okay. It's not on the screen anymore. We're just looking now At Nazi garb As if it's mine KKK

KKK Not Nazis It's the same Wheelhouse Okay I would like to tell people Please don't try to wash these I'm pretty sure

That whatever We just drew on them In Sharpie marker I don't think They're going to last In the wash Why would they want Get them framed

Why would they want A So you can always remember the show just throw them in the garbage i now have i i've already gotten one email from someone going hey i was at the show but i didn't get one of those vetoes merch shirts you can make them yourself uh dude you just have to draw fucking you can't just make clan cross just make a white shirt i'm gonna make like a'm going to make like a print on demand. Ask Mintz, not Vito, if you want another shirt.

I signed it. I was going to make print on demand versions. So that's even stupider. It'll be like. All right. Is that it? Oh, yeah. Don't trust your friends.

Your friends are all idiots. Because they got this like weird thing where they're like, oh, because if I fuck up, he'll forgive me, which I guess I have to do Begrudgingly It's on you though It's on me cause I trusted him sure You could have shipped it to any UPS store In the area and you can pick it up

I should have shipped it to the Airbnb Although I might have waited outside Ship it to a packaging store I did not know you could ship it to a UPS store And they'll just hold it for you Yeah, yeah Yeah, I've done that Okay

Well, I've learned a lesson Now you're relying on me to give you good information I actually don't know if that's true Yeah, you're gonna fuck me They're gonna go You shipped it where? We don't have it Oh, interesting part to this story is

Tony is now shipping back my card game But in the picture Just throw him away, Tony But in the picture, he only had Tony But in the picture He only had one box And I haven't asked him I'm just waiting to see If he actually picked up Both boxes

Or if he fucked it up Yeah So That was a big waste Of everyone's shipping dollars Uh Okay Is it my turn

Thank you Tony From Act of Movies It is now Dick's turn Uh Hypocrisy Yeah Is my Is my,

is my problem. Hypocrisy. You know what that is? I'm making sure No, Dick, what is hypocrisy? Hold on, I gotta make sure this fucking thing

doesn't play in the middle of me talking. Uh, hypocrisy is, oh yeah, goddammit, as soon as I look away, the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs

to which one's own behavior does not conform. Well, surely no one in modern society would practice any of this. Never do that. Hypocrisy. No, no hypocrites exist in the modern age when all information is immediately available. So, Stephen Crowder, the... Savior of the Right. Admitted bisexual, closeted homosexual, decided

to go on his million plus subscriber program and announce his divorce and blame his wife for doing it. He's upset with her very much. Say Candace Owen is, I don't know, with his kids. Some dumb shit. A snake.

So his wife said, oh yeah? You're allowed to compare black people to snakes. Most animals, no. Okay, yeah. You're right. So his wife said, oh yeah? Oh yeah? Steven, here you go. And released a little hidden video of him acting

like a gigantic cocksucker. it's pretty bad It's pretty fucking bad It's like not full on like hitting Her bad but it is like wow I don't want to be In a relationship with this guy either It's like rich bad like why are you a Multi-millionaire and you have one car

Yeah that is so weird Why are you like saying Your pregnant Eight month pregnant wife with twins Can't drive to the store because she didn't put dog medicine on your dog, and you have to go see your friends or go to the gym? But this is all fine if she would show discipline and respect?

Like, bro, this is fucked. Why does Steven Crowder sound like one of my douchebag poor friends when I know he's a multi-millionaire Who could probably hire a private driver At this point Why do you sound like a gay man Quantum leaped inside of a marriage And is extremely bitter

Like four years ago And hates it But has to do it because he's serving like a penance in hell I don't know if we I don't know if we need to watch the video or if everyone's seen it. Maybe we could watch it. Watch a tiny bit of it. See if you can skip ahead maybe. It's very uncomfortable.

I do a boundary. No, no, you just did it. I do a boundary of abusive and cruel. You are not taking the car. Because if you refuse to do wifely things, like, what do you want? What do you, wifely things?

Like, what, bro? Okay. Then I will go pick up the groceries. Steaks, wood pellets, my grill. I know it's not a reasonable request, but I'll go do it. How about a huge purse? Hillary, how do you respect me? Yes, I don't even matter. It's like Tom Cruise and Magnolia But an audience of like one Very pregnant lady

Why does he not just But here's the thing everyone's saying he doesn't Buy her a car because like he wants to control Her in this insane Yeah obviously Peter Piper pumpkin eater had a wife couldn't keep her kept her in a pump that's genuinely insane i can't understand the concept of being like i'm a millionaire and we have one car he's gay and he doesn't want to be married like that's it's not more insane than being gay and marrying a woman and knocking her up like uh the reason I bring this up is because

these conservative demagogues, demagogues, demigorgons, demigorgons, for the last whatever years have been lecturing everybody on how harmful whatever you're doing is for quote unquote kids. Yeah. In general. I don't know. Traditional family unit dick must be enshrined and protected. Crowder wrote a whole fucking article about how he's such a,

he's figured it all out because they didn't fuck before they got married. And if that, if you're upset that you feel judged by that, fuck you. But on behalf of God, they didn't fuck after the marriage either. And now here you go. Yeah.

Being a obvious, obvious demonstrative, abusive asshole on. And this was, this isn't like scouring footage. This is like, oh yeah, you can tell that this is like a normal thing for them. Right.

So I guess my point is Maybe before Saying all the drag people And all the gay people And all the rock and roll music is hurting kids How about you worry about what you're doing To your kids By alienating your wife

Making her divorce you Which he said he only allowed Because it was quote unquote legal. Yeah. He did make a point of saying, you know, and she's allowed to fire her for divorce. I, you know, and you're like, well, yeah. Yeah.

That's, uh, do you not, would you want the government to step in and keep her from leaving? How about you worry about you harming your own kids before you go telling everybody else eight months pregnant with twins. Did you see that he got his like supposed heart surgery was like an elective thing to fix like, you know, a caved in chest, which is like. Because he's gay. Yeah. He's worried about how his chest looks. That's like a boob job for men. He probably didn't get her a car because he doesn't want her Following him to the bathhouse

While he's sucking cocks And then He missed the birth of his children Because he was getting elective cave Or whatever Chest surgery I just I just wanted to

I just wanted to sink in How bad the hypocrisy is On the right Their way Their justice I mean I don't know It was bad

I don't even fucking care It's the It's that they always take I don't even fucking care It's the It's that they always take One step forward Two steps back It's like somebody on the right Will say something That's like

You know we really gotta make it So that if you step on a college campus You can speak your mind To a crowd And I go Yeah yeah He's like And then uh

Gay people shouldn't be allowed To have opinions And you're like Well What National sample of American children found that

in the past year, 60% were exposed to violence, crime, or abuse in their homes. Yeah, that's this. 60% of kids are exposed to,

are exposed to this. How many kids are at drag shows getting this quasi, like, harmful, whatever, a woman twerking or something with dad at drag shows getting this 5, 10 quasi like harmful whatever a woman

twerking or something yes with dad berating mom and not buying her a fucking car and making her put toxic chemicals

on a dog well that's bad bro that's bad so why don't you take like this sick LARPing

Christian shit that you guys have been pretending to do to like gaslight women into thinking they're getting a good deal by hooking up with a bunch of quasi closeted gay guys and shove it up your ass. Yeah. Forever. The religious, what do you call it? The like smugness. Yeah. Steven Crowder. Like, well, the reason I'm in the position I am in is because I followed the tenets of God and that has led me to success in a successful marriage.

You're a shit bag. Yeah. You're a total shit bag though. It had nothing to do with it. You're a total asshole. The guy's saying like. Your devotion to God, if anything, has turned you into an insufferable asshole who thinks your wife has to perform some wifely duties to get access to a car.

Yeah. When she's literally like going to go pick up shit for both of you. And then the guys, it's so much worse than just this video too. Like I'm picking on Crowder just because I hope he gets, I hope his wife gets his car and runs him over with it. And I think he's a fucking asshole. Like I would, if he was gay, I'd be fine with it, but he's not. I wonder, I was admittedly gay

I keep thinking if Rumble Could have got a discount If they had just waited Like two or three weeks I'm shorting Rumble by the way Yeah I think I think I'm gonna short Rumble I almost bought

A short position today But I wasn't sure what to take I was on another show And they asked like Well why don't you do Like what Rumble does And I'm Like it got me really thinking

About their business model And I think their CEO Is full of shit I think he's like Dude they're just lying I think he's lying Constantly I don't think guys guys who have year-long deals at rumble i don't think they're gonna pay out those deals you don't think they're gonna pay at the end of the i don't think they will have the money you you have you guys have no idea how

expensive uh streaming and hosting is yeah it's and if you are a if you're a pathological like like fake it till you make it. Like, look at Elizabeth Holmes. Yeah. Right? I don't think they will have the money to pay off. They can talk a big game. It's a great idea on paper, but every idea is great on paper. Because conservatives are stupid.

Let's start there. If you say, if Rumble came to me and said, we're going to give you $100,000 to live in the street. I'm like, well, I mean, but I don't know if you guys could pay out for a year. Conservatives are going to go, yeah, sure. Yeah. I mean, the contract don't, I don't know if you guys could pay out for a year. Conservatives are going to go. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I mean, the contract says a year. This is the future of everything. So then three months later and like, oh, you guys don't have any money.

Oh, uh, well, but it says in the contract. It really seems like one of those things where like the second investors stop giving them money, it ends. No one will invest in Rumble after now. There's no reason to. They're doing YouTube's business model, and YouTube is not profitable. So how the fuck?

It's like competing with the government. What are you going to... You're going to compete with the government by giving money to, like, Dan Boingo? Fucking moron. Okay, anyway. The hypocrisy is the people lining up to say, well, you know, this is every relationship.

Like, well, okay know, this is every relationship. Like, well, okay. Then you guys should all focus on yourselves and not drag Queens. Right. If that's the case, it's always a shell game with conservatives as they go. The real problem in America is like these people.

Yeah. These guys dancing and like maybe a handful of families bring their kids. And you're like, I don't think that's going on like a lot. You guys are like, I understand being personally opposed to it, not wanting to bring your kids to it, but I don't think it is the corruption that is destroying America. This is the corruption that's destroying America. It's like psychopath guys. Most kids experience this and are permanently traumatized by it. And then they turn into guys like Andrew Tate telling stories about how they were abused as kids.

And it's like, yeah, this made me who I am. Like, no, it didn't. Yeah, maybe it did. And you're fucked. You're like, you have deep mental problems and you're just spilling it out all over the freeway. This has caused more kids to shoot up schools than any drag queen ever did. You know? Yeah.

How many kids went to a drag show and then went and shot up their school none oh those drag those drag queens really made me gay and angry like every school shooting is like oh yeah there's my dad there's my dad mom and they had a shitty relationship so i took it out on everybody like this is clearly leading to way more problems well the, he just needs more God. People are going to argue with this. They're going to say, well, he strayed from the path of Jesus. I mean, he should kill himself and go talk to God and figure out.

The guys who are stone silent because it's their, quote, friend, and then they're throwing tantrums about some Dylan Mulvaney on a beer can. They can't focus on any big issues because like. You guys are really like. They don't have the answers to any big issues. Hypocrisy has a level in the literal for you guys and the metaphorical for me, hell. And it's not a top level. It's not close to limbo.

It's all the way down. You can shout and they can't hear you in the hypocrisy level of hell for a very good reason. Because you're all, everybody not talking about this. Everybody, like that guy Bryson, he's like, I got to wait for all the evidence. You see the guys are like, oh, I don't comment on private matters. And I'm like, that's all you do all the time. What are you talking about? All you guys do is wait for like secret camera footage and then talk about it.

You're all really bad guys. All the guys who didn't talk about this are really sick and bad and God is judging you and you will burn in hell. At the very least, you can say it's probably bad to talk to your pregnant wife like that and be like a weird, controlling, manipulative psychopath when she really just wants to take the car and go for a drive. And also she's worried because, like, she read something on the dog medicine container that says, you know, pregnant women don't touch this. And she's like, well, I just don't feel comfortable touching it. Bro, you shouldn't have announced.

Put on some clubs. Why don't you just put on some clubs and give the dog his medicine? It's like, why don't you give the fucking dog his medicine? Why don't you go get fucked up your ass and maybe you'll calm down a little bit. She's pregnant with your children. Why did you announce the divorce on your dumb show? Well, that's the other thing, yeah.

This is fascinating. And it's also hilarious that Candace Owens, for some reason, is like the one breaking it. So is she the least hypocritical? I think she's just an opportunist. She doesn't give a shit. I mean, I don don't even care it's just the men doing this like all the guys circling the wagons i just i despise it i don't know how to i don't know how to like and it's weird that none of them can just say like oh it looks bad yeah that's bad yeah well that's bad what he's doing there they got to qualify it like well you know it looks it looks bad but i do that too so i think we gotta

we gotta take a i think but here's the thing it's worse than would you agree that it's worse than drag queens bro would you agree that that's more harmful than that driving your wife and your kids away so they have to have a stepdad who will who's 10 times more likely to rape them do you think that's worse than a fucking drag show You fucking shitwit I think the People are missing The greater picture Where it's

It's not just this clip It's what this clip reveals That Steven Crowder A man who probably has I don't know 20 million dollars In the bank Has one car

So he can Control his wife His pregnant wife And prevent her From going anywhere Without his explicit permission. That's so fucked. Well, I pray to God that he gets.

Are you praying to God for drag queens? Are you like saying that they're going to hell and stuff? How about this? You don't want to give your dog the medicine. Why don't you just hire a maid to like live in your house? You're literally like a multi-bajillionaire. Why don't you just put on a little dog suit and go down to the local fucking gay bar and put the lotion on your skin?

Oh, it's terrifying. It's so sickening that other conservatives are giving this a pass after they've spent years demonizing and judging literally everything. Well, I've always said the conservatives' biggest strength, which can also be a weakness,

is that they, for the most part, refuse to pick any fights with each other. They're all like, we're in the same tent. As long as we're all voting. Like, liberals were constantly like, you're not a good enough liberal. I hate Vosk. I hate Destiny. That guy did this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And it's like constant infighting and bickering. These guys are just like, hey, we're all a big party club. What's that? Crowder's an abusive asshole. No, he did this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like constant infighting and bickering. These guys are just like, Hey, we're all a big party club. What's that? Crowder's an abusive asshole. No, he's not. We're great. Everything's great.

You know, we're kind of all abusive assholes. Like, well, yeah, you're right. Yeah. This is horrible. It works sometimes, but I think here's one of the examples where it is a weakness. Cause it's like, nobody wants to step out of line and risk ruffling anybody else's feathers.

Yeah. If you don't get what's going on in this clip, then you are a retard. I guess I'll just add that. Liberals, if anybody does anything wrong, we go, yeah, I always knew that guy was a Nazi. Cancel him forever. That guy's a predator.

That guy preys on women. Like, yeah, that's probably true. There's no loyalty among the left. Well, Dick, what a great problem. Thanks. Hypocrisy is the problem. And I've brought in a great problem Thanks hypocrisy is a problem And I've brought in a great problem as well Okay

The problem of airplane boarding Can you believe it folks I'm doing the old comedian thing Where you end up at an airport Everyone knows what you're doing It is true though Dick The reason I was hesitant to go I mean I was going to go regardless

But I knew the part I would hate the most Was dealing with the airports Dealing with the flights Because it's just this like stupid Psychological game to make you Uncomfortable and miserable the whole way through And I think the worst part of it Is the boarding the aircraft

Okay so they give you A ticket And the ticket will say like Zone 3 Doesn't tell you what that means Like a zone 3 I mean I assume that's after 2 and 1 But what comes before there And you're just sitting there

Oh god first class No your business class pastors Military Children the disabled Then they start making shit up They're like And next we'll be welcoming Our Sky Priority members

Yeah And Alpha Class 7 Please proceed to the podium We of course have the Ultra Men From Zulu 5 Boarding now And you're just like

Oh my god How long does this fucking take? Yeah And you don't know I don't know what I'm supposed to do There's no way to game it either It would be one thing't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. There's no way to game it either. It would be one thing if you're like. I was going to say I'm military now.

From now on. I don't know if they can. Can they check? Do they have to check? No. The kind of military I was doing. I think I've been told. I was doing black ops.

I think I've been told as a big fat guy, I'm just supposed to pretend to be disabled. Oh yeah. Do that. I should. But I don't know like what I. If they'd be like, do you have a wheelchair or something? Look at me. How could you ask that? I think you can get a

wheelchair in the airport. I need to figure out how to game the system. Do that. I need to figure out how to game the system. I roll up there and I go, I'm just... I have used my fat... You gotta sound fatter, though. Yeah. I have used my fat status at the podium to get the seat I want, though. How'd you do that? Because I've gone up and I go, are there any window seats?

And they go, we don't really change people's seats around. And I go, listen, like, I'm a big fat guy. Nobody wants me, like, you know, tipping over onto them, spilling over the armrest. And they're like, yeah, all right. All right, buddy, I'll find you a window. So I have done that. Just put me in the aisle.

Yeah, well. Put me in the drink cart and wheel me in the drink cart wheel me up And down so I could get a good look at everybody Or give me the Fucking uh what do you call it the leg room The uh the exit row or whatever Oh yeah yeah yeah god there was like a little thing We uh that's the other thing there's no there's no

Like system to any of this at one point They're like well we have some uh Exit row seats available normally We charge extra for these cause they charge extra for every little fucking thing. The money entering into seating is a whole other thing I will get into. But then they're like, so those are just available. First come, first served. And immediately like me.

That's fat phobic. That's cis sized. It's like 20 of us jumped up and like ran to this podium 20 fat guys And the guy in front of me, she's like You need to have your photo ID, and this guy's like, shit And he looked at me, he's like, will you hold my space in line? I'm like, I have no control over this system

So we all had to fight over that Here's what drives me nuts though, Dick Is as you're boarding this aircraft You know it's not the most mathematically efficient way to do it. You know it. You know what Southwest is. Southwest is close. They order you by numbers.

Yeah, I don't know exactly what they use. What are you, 30? Are you 35? I'm like, no. 37. Yeah, they actually do make you line up like. That is the mathematically best way to do it. The problem is that people are stupid, as you say.

Well, it's the best. You have to be in the correct order. Right now, most planes use back-to-front boarding, where you load the back of the plane first, right? Yeah. Is that bad? It's a little better than chaos, but the problem is it's not perfect because of the bags people putting away and the shuffling of seats. The guys on the outside of you, oh, I'm actually in there.

Oh, I see. And you're creating a traffic jam. So it's still not perfect. They should just line you up by name, right? How would they line you up by name? Well, get all the window seats in the back and then get all the middle seats and then the middle fucking- Well, what you're referring to is the Wilma system, Dick.

Okay. That would be window, middle aisle, Wilma. So first you would board the window seats first, all the window seats, then the middle seats, then the aisle seats. Wilma? Wilma. All right. Window, W-I.

Oh. Wim? Well, actually, I don't know where the L comes from. Wimale? Wimale. I mean, know Where the alt comes from Wimale Wimales I mean it's WMA They just added some extra letters To make it seem fun

Okay That's odd Who cares The point is If you did that You would cut the time Right now the back to front system Tested with 170 passengers

Took about 25 minutes Doing the window middle to aisle system Would cut that down to 15 minutes. That's a 10-minute savings of boarding the aircraft. And you invented this system? No, this is a system that has been tested. They tested multiple scenarios. How come they're not doing that?

Well, the one problem there, I'll get into a couple problems. One of them is that people get separated if you're seating the windows. Then your buddy who's in the middle, he's like, but I'm with him, man. I'm with him. People get all flustered It's a big problem It really comes down to the stupidity of people Another possible system Which is even better time savings

Would be pyramid boarding This is where we board The back right and left of the aircraft And then slowly bring everyone together in a wedge shape. So the last people to board would be the tip of the spear. Okay. Alright. There's a lot of research on this problem. I did do a lot of research on this.

They should do it by like a riddle. Like if smartest. So they put a riddle up and the first person to answer it gets to go and then when you have the answer, then you get to board the plane Yeah You know

And you don't get the answer You miss your flight Yeah you don't get to go If I tip this glass over Yeah And then you come up And you're like Is this it

And she's like yeah get on It really comes down to Bags are a big problem If we got rid of bags We can't get rid of bags You don't let people Put their bag away No you can't

But then there's that one guy Who's holding the whole thing up Or you ever get that guy Who's like oh actually I gotta go to the front of the plane. You're like, well, what do you want me to do, buddy? There's this one lane. Kill yourself. But really, literally any other method other than the method that every national airline

except for Southwest is using would be faster. However, the current system allows them to charge money for priority boarding. And that is why We are now wasting Time at the gate so they can go well If you want to board earlier you can pay $49.99 You know what I think would help if The stewardesses

While the boarding's happening Would just wrap like a towel Around their head and run out And go And then everybody Who's not Boarding would run away Just to keep them back

So you'd know Cause otherwise It's like Oh yeah I'm in group nine Like Yeah I'm right up your ass Here

Basically get rid of all this Like if you're a Veteran bullshit It's like Who cares Why do the veterans Get on first I really hate that

Don't Haven't they Dealt with enough? If you got shot at, surely you can wait to sit on a plane. Shouldn't you be more battle-hardened? Yeah. Yeah. No wonder we lose so many wars.

Because you fucking fruits need to be first in line. Why does a child need to get on a plane early? The child has no idea what's going on. They should be last, if anything. Yeah, the child doesn't know what's happening at all. They're like, oh, we gotta get on.

What? Because you gotta like get their little cookie and juice out? Here you go. Here you go, buddy. Are you okay? Now we're gonna let

all these rascals in. Otherwise, people are gonna be grabbing them. The kid, trying to take them away. I think we need to get to the point where

there's like a little like passenger AI dolly that you stand on it and you scan your ticket and you stand perfectly still and it wheels you onto the plane and deposits you onto the seat in a perfect mathematical order. What kind of invention is this? Just let men board first. Yeah, well, that would probably save some time

Let them relax While all the women fuck up And worry about receipts Oh what's this garbage here Does this belong here Oh gosh It should be against the law to like go back to the overhead compartment And get something out of it

During the flight Just like at all Why Have that shit ready to go when you get on the plane. You have all this time when you're waiting to get on the plane, get your headphones ready. I'm the best. I got everything ready to go. It's in like a little bag. Yeah. I get it all set up. You have one of those neck pillows? No, I use it. I brought a blanket. I don't get one of those. I had a security. You brought your own blanket? I brought a security blanket on the plane. It was very comfortable. You have brought your own blanket? I brought a security blanket On the plane

It was very comfortable Do you have a problem with flying? I just find it uncomfortable So yes I'm a big fat guy And I always So what? Okay cause you've never

Gone on a flight And had the guy next to you go Had the guy next to you go I do that You're that guy Get a load of this Every time I get on the plane I have to balance out the plane back here

Stortus or what When you're walking down the aisle And everybody who's already seated is looking at you like No no no Keep going I think I'm in this aisle And they go Of course.

Worst day of my fucking life. I don't need this right now. How many armrests are you going to use here, fatso? Three, all three. You don't have to deal with that. I have to deal with that. They should let fatties board first so we don't have to deal with the plane shame. Or I look like Dennis Leary, Operation Dumbo Drop.

I'm going to petition that fatties get to board first. So we never have to deal with the walking down the aisle. Shame of everybody looking at you. Yeah. You guys should have your own curtain in the back. We should put all you guys in back and then put a curtain over it. Don't look. A plane is a terrible situation for a fat guy.

Why don't you go to the cabin? Smith was so fat. He had to buy two seats? No. Yeah, that was like a big story, I think. How do you feel about it? I've never gotten that fat. I don't know how I've never gotten to two seat fat. How close are you? I don't think I'm close. I felt like I was doing okay

this time around. Did Kevin Smith think he was close? I don't know. I want to know how much Kevin Smith was weighing when he had to pay for an extra fucking airline seat. Jesus Christ. Guess. He was like, I think he was like $ he had to pay for an extra fucking airline seat. Jesus Christ. Guess. He was like, I think he was like 450. How much do you think? 450.

450? Okay, let's see. Kevin Smith fattest. Well, Kevin Smith, two tickets, airplane. Why is my keyboard so sticky? I know the answer to that. Film director is thrown off US plane for being too big for seat. Okay. So he wasn't even allowed to fly

His size was a safety concern Wow Safety risk What a nightmare I know I'm fat But is he really justified in throwing me off a flight? Yeah, you're fucking fat, bro Was he flying first class?

Aren't those seats big? Not that big. He says he didn't even need a seatbelt extender. I've never needed a seatbelt extender, so I'm good there. It doesn't say. Well, they're not going to put his weight in the article. How would they have that? I'll get to the bottom of this.

How would they have his weight? 2010, Kevin Smith. Mr. Smith showed up. We clocked him at 500. Kevin Smith celebrates his 85-pound weight loss. Okay. Okay. We're closing in on it.

He was pretty big. 85 pounds. I shan't. But he's not saying how big he started off at. He looks like 450 pounds there. He's kicked off a flight. Okay, let's see see How about Kevin Smith Dude they don't track this

Wait You can figure it out though Aha He's now 198 pounds So That's in 2019 though So he lost

85 pounds No he was more than that at the time He was more than 300 A year later That he lost 65 pounds Yeah but that's from 2014. The one you found is from 2019. Well.

If anybody can figure it out, if anyone can deduce Kevin Smith's weight when he was kicked off the flight for being too fat. I think it's 85 and 65 plus 200. 85, 65 plus 200, which would be. Yeah, 450. Yes, 450. I'm not there yet Hopefully these stupid

Which way western man That's the Well He had to have like Two heart attacks Before he figured it out Right How many have you had

None So I'm due Alright here's my problem Yes A thousand dollar posters A thousand dollar posters A thousand dollar Oh my god Did you look up the cost

Yeah I got a quote Yeah Carl Carl bought posters For the We were talking about Expenses for the show Yeah

I said well okay Well how much How much did the posters cost Like 300 bucks 200 300 bucks He goes no

A thousand A thousand dollars Wait a. He does know a thousand What Thousand bucks I wanted to get good buzz a thousand bucks for good. That's like $11 a fucking poster a lot of them They were a lot Printed on gold Papyrus from ancient Egypt got a printer guy. Who dropped them off at the Airbnb. So I finally got a quote back. Here's the quote that I got for the same posters and poster stock.

Okay. $280 total. $3 for 100 posters? Instead of 1,000. About $3 a poster that would have been. Well, treasure those posters, guys. You got a poster. All have been Well treasure those posters guys Cause I think all the show revenues Went to those

If you were at the meet and greet Did you get a free poster? You were supposed to but I don't know if I think they were giving them out free at the meet and greet So you didn't even make money back on them No I know that's the fucking The fucking meet and greet with the upsell Was wiped out by $10, $11 posters.

You guys didn't really sell the post. I didn't see it. Did you check how many posters were sold? Two, no, you sold more than two posters. On Stripe it was two. On Stripe it was two and then maybe a couple with cash. Two posters sold out of a hundred. So you made back 20 bucks.

Oh wait, no, you sold for 20? So you made back 40 bucks on your thousand dollar poster investment. If you got a poster, cherish it. I'd like to remind everyone that Hanes t-shirts we drew on with Sharpie marker sold out.

The posters cost more than the shirts! They did, actually. Problems are... Let's see. Trust something of your friends. Relying on your friends. Relying on your friends. Hypocrisy. What was the other one of yours? Airplane boarding.

Inefficient airplane boarding. The thousand dollar posters. There you go, guys. Thanks for listening. Patreon.com. Are leftover posters available on the website or something? I don't know. You know how hard posters are to ship? You gotta roll it up into a fucking tube. Yeah, it probably costs more to ship them than you would even make on them.

Yeah. Probably paying to ship them. $1,000 on posters. I think I ended up making more money from this show than you guys. That's a total of $1,000 on posters I think I ended up making more money from this show than you guys Yes That's a quarrel of $1,000 Well, we're not doing this to make money

Well, we're not doing it to lose money either I made money I don't know what you fucking guys did Fucking idiots What a show Guys, don't forget Biggestproblem.show To vote on all the problems.

Patreon.com slash biggestproblem and back.by slash biggestproblem. We will be posting the complete live show as soon as it is finished being edited by our skillful team of editors. Actually, is Riley editing that? Someone's editing it. I don't know. So you're going to want to check out the live show on the thing. On our current bonus episode, The Biggest Problem in 420 is still available. Great show. Yeah. You can listen to me cry check out the live show on the thing on our current bonus episode. The biggest problem in 420 is still available. Great show.

Yeah. Listen to me cry about getting my Twitter deleted. Really? You will again. Yeah, I probably will. All right. Here you go. I'll play a couple of ways.

Give me some voice. You know, that guy that said that if you eat potatoes for two months, you'll lose weight. He's right. You will lose weight. But do not do this. months you'll lose weight he's right you will lose weight but do not do this that's how pen gillette lost weight and he turned into one of the most insufferable douches on the fucking planet i hate to see that happen to you you think the potatoes did it riding the fucking rusted bike i'll take the rusty bike seth rogan lost weight and turned into a fucking douchebag jonah hill

lost weight turned into a douchebag as well is it weird that i'm like doing the the weight loss injections and part of me is kind of like I feel like I never exploited my fat guy period As much as I could have, you know Like I'm gonna miss it Yeah I could have done like a funny buddy comedy Yeah

Oh wow Of what? I don't know, I gotta Cop Yeah, I could have done a cop Fat cop Yelling at the drive-thru Oh, you fucking cop bar.

Sauce. Coupons are on. I got two sausage patty muffins on the coupon. You only gave me one sausage patty. Okay, here's another one. Fat guys are funnier, man. We know it. This is Rex Sexton.

And my biggest problem, ironically, is road rage. I just get to Philly, check into into the hotel run a washcloth over my cross just in case call an uber to get to the venue we're barely out of the fucking parking lot when my driver honks at the car in front of him and three motherfuckers hop out and start walking over screaming my driver gets out and starts shouting and laying on the horn everybody's rubbing nipples in the middle of the street and i think to myself great after driving for eight hours with expired registration in the slow lane, beer in hand, doing no more than four miles over on these slow-ass New England speed limits,

I'm about to die in the back of a fucking Uber. It would be unceremonious to detail the races of the antagonists involved, but I will disclose that I am a white gentleman. Anyway, great show. It smelled exactly like I imagined it would in there Anticipation See you in 2030

Thank you And go fuck yourself I had fun Very good Thank you That's why I want to do These local live shows If you're LA native

Let us know I want to know How many people We could get To fill up events We don't want to do Like a huge show though What do you mean?

If we're doing Like a live taping, I would think like whoever's here. Yeah. But like 40, 50 people, some comedians. Well,

how many do we have in the last show? Like a hundred. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it would be fun. Yeah,

it would be fun. Oh, here's a juicy one. Oh God. Hey guys, I found the biggest problem in the universe and that's not being able to leave group text messages. I don't know if it's different for Apple, but on Samsung, I have not found a way to just leave an entire group.

You can't. Everybody in my family loves to just make group text messages and talk about gay shit like, hey, guys, I'm going to the park, and I just want to let you know i love you all like who fucking cares it's it's like reply when somebody hits reply all to a mass email fucking great there's no way to get out of this so now i just have to deal with all these stupid fucking notifications and everybody knows that i don't want to fucking be in there but yeah fuck dustin anyhow it's the biggest problem in the universe, and that's why there's all the gun violence.

Not Dustin. I've been on those family group texts. They all organized some big Christmas party that I wasn't at. So I'm like, can't wait to see y'all's Christmas party. I'm like, well, I'm not going to be there. Stop texting me about this. Just mute it, man. Yeah.

I guess you can mute it. Yeah, there you go. Okay, here you go. Hi, Dick and V man. Yeah. You gotta just mute it. I guess you can mute it. Yeah, there you go. Okay, here you go. Hi, Dick and Vito. Hi! So, everyone's favorite closeted Canadian Crowder, his bitch is leaving him. Yes, that's true. And to me, that's funny, because I hate Crowder.

Yeah, that's funny. But I post about that online, like, ha-ha fuck you, Crowder, ha ha, blah, blah. But like conservatives are like responding to it with like, oh, wouldn't Crowder do smoke, crack and molest kids? No, that was Hunter Biden. And I don't understand why they bring him up. Yeah, it's odd that they bring him up. You can be as cringe as you want as long as Hunter Biden exists. Private?

Except Hunter Biden's laptop. It's annoying. Anyway, bye. Months. Can you believe what's on Hunter Biden's laptop? Oh, what was Crowder doing? I don't talk about personal gossip and stuff. You got to respect his family.

What's the guy who got hacked? Matt Walsh? Yeah. He goes, I can't believe people would disseminate my hacked materials. Like, bitch, haven't you been talking about Hunter Biden forever? Show me that camera. How am I looking? You look fantastic. Yeah, I fucked that up good.

Well, you kind of, like, combed it to the side, I guess. I don't know what happened. I don't know why. Well, guys, I want to thank everybody who came out. It was a good show. Yeah, it was a good show. I want to thank Carl for putting it together. If you got a poster, man, you're sitting on gold.

You are sitting on gold. If you got a Vito's merch shirt, you're rich. Dog shit. People are already trying. I want a black market Vito's merch thing going on. People are trying to scalp them. Oh, they are? Yeah.

I will say I was disappointed that I was expecting one of Carl's famous dinners, the Night Under the Stars. He didn't do his hula dancer and he was fire magic. There was no liquor there. There was no liquor at the meet and greet Which if I bought a ticket I'd be kind of pissed off But I heard plenty of complaints Is anyone like Hey man what's the deal

I didn't eat before the show Because I was told there would be hors d'oeuvres At the mythical meet and greet I was like ooh hors d'oeuvres I really thought we were going to You could eat the poster I really thought we were going to be... You can eat the poster. I really thought we were going to be wine to dine. You guys are the talent, you know? We got little plates of things

and champagne. There was some sausage in the green room and crackers. Yeah, one of those fucking Hormel deli platters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I expected to be lavished. Well, sorry. Well, what are you gonna do Coup for 10

Thank you both for the great show And Philly Love seeing you all again in person I can't believe Vito ordered pho At the bar Why is everyone giving me shit For ordering pho

At a Vietnamese restaurant I had nachos and wings And they're the worst They were terrible right Nachos and wings I ever had in my life And I got pho Because it's an Asian place And it was great

Yeah you were right And everybody else should have got it It's so weird that everybody's I literally see a bunch of comments like Can you believe Vito ordered like soup And I got pho because it's an Asian place and it was great. Yeah, you were right. And everybody else should have got it. It's so weird that everybody's... I literally see a bunch of comments like, can you believe Vito ordered soup? And I'm like, yeah, because it was a Vietnamese restaurant. I wanted to... Also, it was really good. It goes good with beer. Anyway, thank you all for not killing yourselves. Thank you, Koof.

I think they're just jealous they didn't think to get pho. That's probably it. Mic on for 10. Bicep tendon problems are called by jerking moments and movements and momentum. Slow controlled repetitions due to failure in the concentric movement are ideal. Most injuries are caused by too frequent of training. Well, now you know.

He doesn't have, is it just a jerk off joke? I didn't see a to be fair in that. No, I was looking for one the whole time. Failure in the, most injuries are caused by two. It's a jack off joke. I think he's just telling you to worry about your bicep tendon. No, I was looking for one the whole time. Done to failure in the most injuries I caused by two. It's a jack-off, Joe. I think he's just telling you to worry about your bicep tendon. Well, okay. Mike Hot for 10 says, bodybuilder genetics with on-gear can recover and build new tissue

in five days, but normal people, it can take about two, two, three weeks. Don't work the same muscle too often. More training is better is a myth. Were we talking about this? I have no idea. I don't think so. Maybe somebody in the chat was talking about it. Yeah. David Gomez for five says, is it all right if I start

a clips channel? I listen all day at work and I'm on my third round of listening to all the shows. Yes, everyone has permission to make a clips channel. Send them to us. Yeah, honestly maybe. I have a bunch of clips from our guy that I need to put up. What's the point of the guy if we don't put the clips up Beto? I'm gonna get them up. What's the point of the guy if we don't put the clips up, Vito?

I'm going to get them up. We got to figure out the thumbnail situation. Ryan for 220 says, I hope Vito doesn't super kill himself. I like that. David Gomez for two says, thank you. Yes, make a clip channel.

There's a couple clip channels right now. We need a lot more clips. So please, take advantage of us. Oh shit, sorry, sorry. I don't know, my mouse is all fucked up. I think I'm sitting on the other mouse. Use the arrow keys.

I don't even want to get into what you're saying right now. I don't even want to dignify what you're saying with your response. Hey, why did Ralph dye his hair?

Because it looks cool. Cool. Mike Hunt for two. Fear of a black He-Man's grandfather voted up. Is that happening a black He-Man's grandfather Voted up Is that happening? Is He-Man's grandfather black?

I think I might have Saw something about that Yeah that was like That's old though Yeah it's from like The new Kevin Smith cartoon Yeah It was dumb

What are you gonna do? Mike Hunt for five The first law A thermodynamic state What is going on? What are these? I don't know Mike I'm not reading this

This is stupid Thank you Ryan for 550 It's a good thing The biggest problem pays well Because there's no way Vito's incompetent ass Can flip a burger What are these? I don't know. Mike, I'm not reading this. This is stupid. Thank you. Ride for $5.50. It's a good thing the biggest problem pays well because there's no way Vito's incompetent ass can flip a burger if he's like, I can flip a burger, okay? I have worked retail. I have worked Domino's Pizza famously. That's not a burger.

I can flip a pizza. I can flip a pizza. If you can flip a pizza, you can flip a burger. I make great burgers. I make great burgers I make great burgers I believe you Remember I ran the grill At one of your parties Yeah

And you were all trying to neg me And then I made perfect burgers Because of my inspiration No It did not help at all You were making it run Justin Rowland for two Says muted

Thanks for the lie Justin For another two He says muted again Good goof I swear to god This is so I Did you as it to need batteries? Did you charge it? I don't know. I don't even know if I have batteries in it Look at it. I think going fucking bonkers is the dog I don't know Vito

Dicks ruining the show that shitty mouse. It's gotta be Why don't you buy a nice mouse? I bought a fucking nice mouse It's worked fine until today It looks like shit Somebody has spilled something on it I think other podcasters Borrowing this studio May have fucked up all your equipment

If the whole gods were to be fair Fuck I suck That was such a classic one. Such a classic one. And you weren't even going to catch it. If I hadn't decided anything, you wouldn't have even got it,

but you did be fair to Crowder. He's too busy being a homo sex. What if he had another one right there? That would have been fucking great. If you got two in a row, that would have been the first double. I want to see somebody nail. The first person to nail a double goes up on the board.

Eric Wong for five. Unironically, a cool hat veto. My Dr. Wiley hat. Despite being a tubby guy, you do your best to maintain a tubby style and a tubby flair. Well, thank you. I have lots of flair. The Niggler is here for five. Niggle me this veto.

So fat. Pay attention closely before you Q-tip a cat. Yeah. To solve this niggle will involve some math. What accounts for 13% but also half. Wow. 13% of bakers create 50% of all pies

in the country and we all know that. Bakers. Riley Edwards for 220 Hakuna Matata guys. You are not going to want to miss the live show. That's all I can say. Cool. For two. Thanks you for not killing yourselves. Of course, PW project for five biggest problem. Shut up. This is stupid. You read this one. That was the worst attempt. Speaker 1 and the two B fairies use the announced used to announce the message. Cosplayers have gone too far. That's horrible. And for four, that was the

worst one for two for Brits man. Whose PP is bigger bastions or vetoes. I don't know. We haven't compared about something gay like that for 1999. It says it's a tube of beef hair. Wow, that's cool. Thank you, Carlisle. Justin Rowland for two says somehow managed to get the N-slur into the... How did you do that? How did you make Old English font? Yeah, I don't know.

Apparently if you use Old... How did you do that? What is this? What is this? He's got it. He's got it right there. A very delightful script font has posted the unslur. I applaud your ingenuity. Ride Dog for five. What's up, Vito and Kevin A. Landau? Yes.

Great live show. It was cool hanging out with you guys. Hey, Kevin. Great show. It was cool hanging out with us. Thank you. Ryan for $5.50. Canadian, when can I financially support Superkiller? I want to make sure Vito makes enough money to not go to Greenland so I can keep shitting on him I love that people want to keep me alive so they can make me miserable Yeah

I like that that's the thing Yeah I really want to get it up on Monday I think I can do it Okay Unless I decide to change the entire marketing plan because now I'm second guessing myself It's very complicated by the seams Gotta hit it while it's hot

It's never gonna be hot You gotta have a build up to it though You can't just go like Well maybe Monday I'm just gonna drop it on Monday And no one's gonna I'll tweet it I'll put out a video on YouTube You gotta have like a big build up

I already fucked it up It's already fucked Alright I've already ruined it Blumbo for 550 Dick your hair looks good green Have you thought about dying it? I did that when I was younger.

I'm not doing that now. I have never dyed my hair, thankfully. You could get a green wig. I guess I could. Like the Joker. Like the Niggler. Like the Lady Joker. The Lady Joker.

Lady Gaga. Why is everybody coming down on that new? We liked the last Joker movie. Maybe this one will be good too. The next one is going to be total dog shit. Why? Because there's a lady in it? Yeah.

And because it's Lady Gaga. She's fine. She's fat and sucks. I don't know. I don't want a woman's perspective of literally anything. Maybe he kills her. Wouldn't that be cool? Nah. Yeah, no.

It's probably going to be gay. David Gomez for two. Richard's rant about where's our money made me stiff. Yeah. Where is it? Top autist trying to get us banned from YouTube by donating $14.88. However, with a positive message, downvote Mr. Adolf. Yes, downvote him. No, that's bad.

Well, what? You'd want Hitler to be a big problem. Oh, down. Yeah, you're right. It's not an approval system. It's a problem system. He didn't mess up his Nazi message. Damn it.

You fucking Nazi. Peter Hansman for 550 Canadian. Great time meeting you guys down in Philly. To the veto doubters, his stand-up killed despite lame, unfunny hecklers. The heckling was the best part. Thank you to the heckler. No, no. Don't thank the hecklers.

Then they'll do more of it. Ryan, 550 Canadian. I have to the heckler that. No, no. Don't thank the hecklers and then we'll do more of it. Ryan, 550 Canadian. I have body dysmorphia. I identify as a taller man with a bigger dick. Can the government use my tax dollars to fix this? Yeah. You guys got socialized healthcare. Figure it out.

Mike Hunt for five Australian. I mix my protein shake in my dick show pint glass. No clumps. American protein shakes must have more sugar. You know, Somebody gave me A mixer thing And it works great Oh really?

Yeah it solved that problem Is it like a special shaker? No It just like has a button Where you go And this thing spins around And it mixes it up Oh man

I use that every other day Okay so you fixed your problem Yeah Like I was I'm glad I brought it in Did I say Like just get a mixer Or a blender?

Yeah but there's so many You never know Which one is a good one Alright I told him If this doesn't work I'm glad I brought it in. Did I say just get a mixer or a blender? Yeah, but there's so many. You never know which one is a good one. All right. I told him if this doesn't work, I'll kill you. That's how you get someone to send you good stuff. And he says, I promise it works. Username 522745 says, more segments. I agree.

Okay. Next show is going to be nothing but segments. You asked for it. Gentlemen, Sausage45. Richard griping about veto segments. The Richard griping about veto segment segment is longer and more onerous than the segment about which he's griping. Well,

it was not a good segment. It was a great segment. Clark is source for five more bits. I want this show to be four hours long. Bad start to the boycott bit though. See now look, he's trying to get me. I gotta be F Lee

honest. More bits. Yeah. Nice try. Hack the movies for 10 says you guys are still complaining about this. I solved the problem. If you create a problem and you kind of, I guess you solved it, solve it. Yeah. You made it different. Yeah. Yeah. Solving it would have been breaking into the post office. Everyone distracted everyone from the problem. And according to Riley, he fixed the problem. You just paid for it. Yeah. So Riley fixed the problem.

Usually UPS stores that you can get in after they close too. Well, I think this went to the U. I don't, I think he sent it to the U.S. post office. So then it would have had a P.O. box on it then. Yeah, but then you open the P.O. box and it says this box is too big. Come to the front counter to pick it up. So you knew it was a P.O. box on it then. Yeah, but then you open the P.O. box and it says this box is too big. Come to the front counter to pick it up. So you knew it was a P.O. box. I didn't.

Well, then it wasn't a U.S. post office. It was a U.P.S. store. Right? Why? Whatever address he gave me is where it went. Okay. I shipped it to him with U.P.S., but it went to whatever address he gave me.

Okay. Post office has P.O. box, though. They have P.O. boxes, though. They have P.O. Boxes, but you can, like, my P.O. Box has room for, like, two letters in it. But it says P.O. Box on the thing. That's what I, yes, you're right. It should have said P.O. Box if it wasn't P.O. Box. So I don't know what the fuck it was.

Point is, Tony from Ag the Movies fucked me. Yeah. And he doesn't get an attaboy because he ran to Walmart and bought some white shirts. Okay. He gets like a, okay, good. Tony fucked over the fans by tricking them into buying this garbage merch.

They should be mad now that they've gotten home and the joke has worn off. And they're like, what the fuck am I going to do with this piece of shit? So thanks for helping us rip off our fans, Tony. Mike Hunt for five. Ralph gets no credit. YouTube boxing started with Warski vs. Tonka on the kill stream even before Asterios vs. Mod from the Donald, I think. Yeah, probably.

That was a great match. Or it would have been. We gotta get a fight going. Yeah. Tony wants to box me still. It'd be terrible. No one wants to see that shit. Peter Hansman for 220 says I loved Tony's veto merch. Don't give Tony an attaboy. That piece of shit. Peter for another Speaker 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 3 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker

4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07, Speaker 4 07 You man Cara Fro for five Asks the important question did it not say P.O. box the address is on you it did not say P.O. box you forgot Tony's Oh hack the movies for five you left out the part where

You sent me a voicemail saying I should kill myself The night before I think I did that No well yeah you I just called you up to Call you a piece of shit I said to kill you No and Dick you said no I would never say that You were doing like a weird meta Commentary everybody at the bar Wanted you to kill yourself

Because you didn't even show up to the bar to meet your fans Yeah You're truly a terrible entertainer, Tony from Hack the Movies David Gomez for two What happened to Vito's song and Yes More Bits? What Vito's song? I don't know Because we use the fans now

The fans give us songs We love them Oh yeah, wait, that was by Shit Did they put their name on it this time? Yeah, they did Hold on Remember to label the shit. Did they put their name on it this time? Yeah, they did. Hold on. Remember to label the file with your name or else we will lose it.

I think it was Lyle, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Lyle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lyle. Thanks, man. Thank you, Lyle. Lyle WFTW.

WFTW. What does that stand for? Uh. What? What. Fun. Fun. Fun. Wanted. Yeah, sure. What does that stand for? What Fun Wanted Plumbo for $5.50 says

I'd buy that instantly, no joke I will make Vito's merch shirts Print on demand, come on and get one Fucking sell a million of them Sell more than Super Killer Fucking posters I didn't even get a poster, I should have took one I should have bought one

Hack the movies for two Says by the way Vito you owe me money For the shipping I have to pay you To ship my own shit back After you fucked it up You said

You said I'll pay for the shipping But now you're seeing That the shirt sold out And you're like Oh well Now you know He could probably cover that

How much do you pay for shit? It's a wash for everybody. Yeah, it's a wash for everybody. You probably shipped it the worst way possible. I would have told you how to ship it to save money, but I figured since you were shipping it, I would just gouge you. You're making money on active movies. Consider it your donation to the front.

Yeah. Oh, now that you made money from the shirts, you can give me money to pay for my fuck up. Oh, that's the mafia coming in. I just thought that I could fucking make money on the shirts over there. I can't get a cut of that door on the Dickinson job, but I think I deserve a 5% cut. You little fucking money grubbing piece of shit uh anyway David Gomez for two dollars wants to know when we will have biggest problem t-shirts shut the fuck up not today

John Ripshirtown Fresh and Fits live show tonight was breaking down the Crowder video they take his side but even some of their Tate worshiping fans super chatted that it's abuse how can you take his side I mean they're abusive then. Jay Thompson for two

wants to know if we have any gotcha videos coming on the main channel. I got some videos coming. I don't think any of them have a gotcha segment. Sorry. Drunken Atheist Studio

for 666. That's our clip guy who I've been sadly ignoring because I've been busy. Dick and Vito provide the balance the internet lacks but desperately needs. I'm going to message you, buddy. I've been fucking up.

This trip took a lot out of me. Also, I'm focused on getting that stupid Kickstarter up. Danny Fist for five. Super Killer should team up with the White Power Ranger to match the new merch. That would be pretty cool. Cool. No. Very cool.

Ryan for 550. How much do I have to pay to get a self-insert into Superkiller as his gay love interest? How much? How much? $1,000? $2,000? He does not have a gay love interest. So he wouldn't fuck a guy up the ass to save a universe and keep his job and stuff?

As I've already explained, the sexuality of the character has a unique twist that I'm sure fans will love when it is revealed. He's gay or not gay? He's not gay. He could be. I don't know. He could be gay if he goes to prison, space prison or something. Yeah. I'll have an episode where he goes to space prison and he gets brutally raped. So that's what people want. He's doing the raping. Yeah. He's super rapist. Really? The first issue is just setting up for a super rapist. That's the book I really want to make. I'm going to kickstart that. You should.

Super Rapist. That's the book I really want to make. I'm going to kickstart that. You should. Super. You should be, honestly. You should be making a comment. Super Raper, but it's spelled with a K. No. Super.

The K is silent. Okay. Looks the same now. Fair enough. Cara Fro for 20s. How you doing, Cara? 20s are S to R's backwards. Okay.

We'll put the K. Thank you Kara Thanks Kara Ride Dog 5 The audience from The Guardian Says that it is heaviest Kevin Smith weighed 23 stone 8 pounds

150 Hey thanks for Not any useful Fucking Measurements Ride Dog You fucking asshole Thanks a lot Oh 23 stone

How many fucking carrots Is that You stupid asshole You fucking idiot Thanks a lot How many metric How many fucking carrots is that You stupid asshole You fucking idiot Thanks a lot How many metric Jesus Christ How many metric tons do you weigh

Well 23 stone 8 pounds He wears He weighs a point Oh oh oh oh oh oh One atomic Solar units He weighs 12 witches dick

12 witches would balance him out He weighs half a cord Thank you Half a cord Berserker Bauer for five. Your crowd who takes surprise me. I really expected you guys of all people. Shut up. To be F2Hand.

Good one. Good one. Mid Salad here for two. Kevin lost the weight. Vito, you can too. Thank you, Mid Salad. You're a fucking rail. Not all of us can have autistic anorexia like you. Nice returning of the compliment.

Jesus Christ. You only donated $2 this time. Steven Crowder's the jerk, huh? Hack the Movies for Two. You're welcome for making money at the show, Vito, which I now apparently have to pay back in shipping costs. You realize I'm already out $60 in shipping the first run through. Oh, God. So I got to pay another $60 to ship it back.

So I'm out $120. Matthew dead for 10. Loved the show in Philly last week. Also, where can I get the criminalized sobriety shirts? Those are gone. Yeah, those are gone, man. They're gone. Thanks for not killing yourself.

Hope to see another live show. We'll do another one, baby. Mike on for five. Kevin Smith also sucks since losing weight. He-Man revelations. I'd rather watch Jersey Girl. Nice. That's my life. That's my life. Oh, shit. We got to go see that. What time is it? Like eight. Well, I'm not going to that. Why? Maybe I'll go to it. All right. All right. Riley for five. I don't know. ASC presents for five. Posters are on me next time, boys. Thank you, Metzell, who drew the posters, of which two were sold. So there's more were sold in cash. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got to check that. Nobody wants to get a poster because you got to, like, get it home. And everybody flew in. They're trying to get a poster on a plane. And you didn't have poster tubes there. Like, hey, you guys are going to get on a plane. So here's a way to protect your poster. You got to have tubes if you're going to sell them at like a show where people fly in.

Just hammer me in the head, please. It's going to get crushed otherwise. Yes. Claptrap to Destroyer for $9.99. Dick, when are you getting Pani on Biggest Problem? I don't know. She's like all over the world now. Yeah, we'll get her.

I think she got like married or something. Oh, did she get famous? Cody Blair for two. Do a live show in Phoenix. Okay. Okay. Maybe. Maybe do it. We're going to refresh real quick.

Guys, don't forget to vote on the problems at biggestproblem.show. Don't forget to go to the Super Killer site again. All right. And it will hopefully be up on Monday. Fingers crossed. Where is all... Jesus Christ. There's a lot of super chats.

People like Crowder because people like Hunter. I don't know what that means. With an AK for $5.55. Slow boarding is not a problem. Refueling staff setup, safety checks, belt extensions.

You board quicker, but your plane's not going anywhere. Yeah, but I'm fucking sitting down, jackass. Don't tell me that slow boarding is not a fucking problem. I don't care about sitting Smack dab for five. Thank you

PW project for five Quentin reviews Vito is about to go on a rant in the middle Of a cartoon review saying how much he Hates the orange man Quentin Reviews is doing that fascinating Ride for 221 will dick dye his hair blue I'm done with that Phase of tool chest for 10 Vito

Merch is analog NFTs. That's correct. Yes, yes. Mycon for 2 says, I'm just concerned about your tendons, Dick. That's why I've been giving you all this advice. Oh, it sounds like you're just making jack-off jokes. Cool for 5 says, combining a ton of fizzy liquids with fatty fluid sounds like a great way to spend the night.

At least I can drink more beer with shitty wings. Cool for 5 says the same thing he just said. Peter R for five says, hey, Dick, it was great to meet you. Thanks for signing Bronca's book for me. I hope I wasn't too autistic. You're welcome. Based on everyone else at the show, I am sure you were definitely too autistic.

Cut for five. Love you, fellas. Thank you. Thank you for not offering me fucking Kratom or cocaine or whatever if you didn't. Andrew Amy for five wants to know when do we get another Colin show next time dick sick I'll do it We'll make it happen next time Royland for 10 I doubt you upstanding

Host need to get in a certain word But I used this text generator Don't expect it to last forever Okay there is a workaround Justin Rowland sent the word shit Then the word fuck with fancy letters Fuck fuck fuck So you can make fuck in a lot of creative fonts

Very cool Ryan for 550 Vito I'll let you beat the shit out of me at the live show for the hell of it Okay Justin Rowland for 2 Justin Rowland for 5 Do you guys own the rights to the original biggest problem in the universe merch since you own the trademark Yeah

Sure why not Rod Tadouki says can you you show my coloring book? Just send you pictures to you guys. I have your coloring book. I will show it on the show. I just gotta remember to do it. Cara Fro for 50 wants to call the prayer. God damn it, Cara. No! No!

No! We didn't call the prayer at the fucking live show. We had a live call to prayer. It was great. Yeah, was it? What a show. $1,000 for posters, Dick.

$1,000? Poster? Poster? For a poster? For a poster. Too much. Too much. Too much.

Premium. I'll give you a poster. $0.. Too much. Too much. Too much. I'll give you a poster. Three. 99 cents. 99 cents. No. 99 cents. But you know what you cannot cut corners on? What is that?

The Pokemon card. All right. Then you'll be like, Hashbro, Magic the Gathering, warping issues. Warping issues on the cards. Bending on the cards for cheap manufacturing. Never in Pokemon Card. Not even... No.

They said Pikachu, Illustrator, Detective, no warping at all. 20 years, 1999, last forever. Last until the glory of Allah come down on Magic Burrito. Come down to people. Rip everyone. Pokemon Card still withstand apocalypse. They're very resilient. Magic card, not resilient.

Can you stop talking shit about magic cards? Yu-Gi-Oh cards. You mess with magic, they send a detective to your house. They do send a detective to your house. Coffee skate cards. Fuck you over. Not with Pokemon. Nintendo tried to interfere.

Allah come down and bless Allah. Allah come defend you from Pinkerton. Detective squad to protect you from Hasbro magic. You have Pokemon card. No, you say no, I do not have magic card. I have only Pokemon. Only Pokemon. Only Pokemon.

You have misheard. Bad information. Bad information. They'll come for you. No warping at all. Well. No warping at all. No warping at all. Perfect line alignment.

Yu-Gi-Oh! warp like this. Magic warp like this. They get a little scuffed. Because you treat them poorly. You hit the women. You hit the child. You don't hit the Pokemon card. You treat your Pokemon cards good?

Yes. Is that why your Charizard was a six? Is that why you got a six? A demon was gotten to that Pokemon card. A demon scuffed your Charizard? Yes,. Is that why you got a six? A demon was got into that fucking a demon. A demon got into a demon. A six.

All that hype for a six. Get out of here. Fuck you. Thanks for watching that show. Vote it up, folks. Thanks for coming by. We love you. And I

am going to take off this dumb wig.