The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 91

Episode Date: May 27, 2023

Very special episodes, losing shit, mispricing nostalgia, making decisions.

Good? We got everything? Yes, yes, yes. Watch, I'm gonna fade it in. I'm excited. La la la la la la la la la la la la. 2-1! Show's starting! Deedee deet. Loading livestream. Oh, that's pretty good, it just sits like that.

Oh, wait, well, it ends like that. Oh, you needed to make it longer. I didn't make it! Somebody else did. Did it transition at all? Are we live? Yeah, it transitioned Buddy, it's like a Bud Light Did it transition?

Let me tell you something It's running track in high school In the girls division, if you know what I mean Hey, did it transition? It seems like every show It's tucking at Target I have some terrible anxiety About the audio or something

Can you just bring up the window Just in case So I can see the chat and they can tell us If something's wrong with the microphone Or something stupid See look that's good that's all you need to know Hey My wife she says did you

Rodney did you transition Right Shit I don't have a third joke for that one Hey, did you? My wife, she says, Rodney, did you transition? Right? Yeah. Shit, I don't have a third joke for that one. I wonder what Rodney would do with all this trans stuff. He'd have a good time with it, I think. Yeah?

You think so? I hope so. Is that what you think, Vito? Is that what you think? That's what I think. This is my first beer I've had all week. Really? It's getting right on top This is my first beer I've had all week. Really? It's getting right on top of me. Mojombo.

What, are you going to cry again already? Don't tempt me. I thought about it. I thought about it. It was a bad time. I thought about how positive everyone's been about last episode. What if I did it again? Everyone would be like, well, I mean, it was like, the first time it was like, okay, but

now this is just weird. Do you think that they switched up your semaglutide with estrogen at the factory and there was some kind of a mix-up or a recall? I hadn't even been taking that stuff, so. Why not? No, I took it again. You started again? I remembered, yeah.

Okay. Because it's a miracle. It is a miracle. I think it does something. Bro, have you not seen the clinical results of it? Yeah, I just don't know if I mixed it right. Because I got it off, you know know like wicked super cool drugs dot you know there's a little fucking holographic trans girl on the bottle that goes take it and get skinny

for me senpai and I gotta like mix this fucking powder with this water how would it shouldn't keffels just start selling like semi-glutide for teenagers also? Yeah, absolutely. What about the fat stuff? They'd be pretty positive about that. They're not being their best selves and such. Everybody wants fat kids to transition. Nobody wants skinny kids.

Or two kids. What if they got so fat they split? Yeah. That's a common thing that happens. You never know. You never know with how fat these kids are getting. So, yeah, I mixed it up. I don't know if I mixed it right.

I'm, like, constantly worried I screwed something up. So, we'll see. Bro, I don't think, I know a doctor who. It costs a lot of money. I don't think you're supposed to be mixing your own semaglutide, though. That's how it comes. It comes as peptides, whatever the fuck that is. Yeah.

Okay, and then I got to inject water into that. I got to, like, shake it up. But then I read, like. You got to inject something into that I gotta like Shake it up but then I read like you gotta Inject something into your injections like Exhibit yeah yeah and then but then I read Like a website bro It's all confusing and then one website's like well you Can't just put the water in there you have to leak

It down the side of the bottle or else the peptides Won't activate and I'm like you didn't say that in the Fucking instructions how come doing crack Is easier than it's way easier They're giving fat people more than one instruction? Yeah, and then it doesn't even have instructions. Your whole body is an ass, basically. I had to find other

instructions elsewhere, and then the needles I have don't match the needles in the picture, so I gotta, like, recalculate how much I'm taking. Oh, yeah! It's just like you guys are cooking, right? And then you get halfway through, you're like, you know, I'm just gonna bake a cake. Fuck this. So I get two cups of semaglutide.

I might be underdosing. I might be overdosing. I don't know. How come you couldn't get this from a doctor? Because I don't want to go to the doctor. And also, I don't think I could get this from a doctor. Because I have, like, cheapo health insurance. And I don't want to give you.

Like what? I still have Medi-Cal. Isn't that for old people? No, that's for poor people. But I got it before COVID when I had no money. And all those people were making fun of you for being poor. Remember that? Yeah, exactly.

That was when I got free healthcare. And because of COVID, they called a public health crisis and they said, we're not going to check anyone's income until COVID's over. So if you got Medi-Cal. Now I see why COVID was such a big deal to some people. Yeah. I've been getting free health care.

Yeah. Please don't report me to the state, I guess. I don't even know if they care though. Again, they just like put a moratorium on it. Yeah. No, they don't care. No, they don't care. So, but I assume, I don't think the state pays for this shit.

This shit's like a little, you know? You're supposed to have like diabetes or something. My wife said, do you transition? I said, yeah, I got to tuck all the time. And she goes, tuck what? Right? That's a good, right? No, I don't get it.

You don't get that? What are you going to tuck? She said, Rodney, are you transitioning or what? And I said, yeah, I got to tuck now. And she goes, tuck what? Oh, because he has such a tiny wing. I got it. Look at that face, though.

Right? Don't you think that's funny? I think with AI, we could do transgender Rodney and have a good time with it. Don't make AI do it for me. Yeah, but like, you want the face. You want the... Yeah, your Rodney is not as good as you seem to think it is. What do you mean?

What's bad? What's wrong with it? All right. I mean, it's kind of there. I see it. We're going to be giving some notes today. I see both of us are going to have notes today. Yeah, we are going to have some notes.

All right, here we go. Let's do the show. You got a rhyme for me? Yeah. Good. Good. Big A's. You got a rhyme for me? Yeah. Good. The biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to The Biggest Problem in the Universe,

the only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From American gun fears to Vito's tears. I'm James Gardner. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. Joining me as always is the big crybaby, the big crybaby. He does his wall, V.

What a show we had. You get some sleep this time? I got a little bit of sleep this time. I'm feeling much, I'm feeling very refreshed. Okay. Not just from sleep, but from everyone's annoyingly

positive comments. Which are going to drag this show down a hole. That osteoporosis, just looking at those comments. Oh my god. I didn't know we had so many women. I didn't know we had so many

menopausal women following this show. I don't know what's going on. I don't know we had so many menopausal women Following this show I don't know what's going on I don't know why I'm like just call me an F slur and let's move on I'm not I'm gonna kill you with kindness I guess but people have been coming out of the woodwork Enemies

Long time enemies Have come to me and said You know I was really touched And I'm like what the fuck Alright sure man I'm sure Alright are you ready Yeah sure

The myth of American Gun violence Number one Number one wow Parasocial relationships That was number two Which makes no sense Because I didn't even finish that problem

I think you did Yeah I really I really made a strong case there Makes no sense because I didn't even finish that problem. I think you did. Yeah, I really made a strong case there. Did you have anything you wanted to add to it? I just really liked the idea that I was like, listen, I just really don't want to emotionally manipulate an audience into liking me. Yeah. I think I covered that already. Did you get it?

That's exactly what I did. Did you move that already. Did you get it? And then I admit that's exactly what I did. And, uh, well. Did you move the needle? Did you set up? Did you sell any more comics after that meltdown? I did, actually. I sold a lot. I got a lot of comments from people going, I thought your comic was gay. And, uh, you definitely confirmed it with that crying act. But, I guess I can spare an extra dollar for you to never do that

again. Thanks, everybody. Is that how much it is? Yeah it's one No it's 25 American dollars Get yourself a copy Super killer number one I don't get the feeling That like the crying Is back in the box

Usually with people crying I get the feeling Like okay we're past it But I kind of feel like The box is just open now I feel like You know As long as

I make sure to get rest Before the show As long as no horrible nonsense to get rest before the show, as long as no horrible nonsense. It was an emotional week. You lost your YouTube. That's no good. That was emotional for you, yeah. Yeah. And all the stuff with your pipes and all the horrible things happening to you,

specifically. Uh-huh. And then I... I got a second quote on that, on my pipes, by the way. He He said don't do anything I fucking knew it I fucking knew this would happen Did the guy really just say whatever run with it It's probably fine

He said let's the next guy worry about it I said alright I'll leave you a good review for that He goes no don't use that shit Alright Well like cause I mean you just gotta clear up whatever the clog was Right and as long as it keeps feeding into a pit What do you care

Exactly I would just run with it man That's what I'm doing Not spending 80 grand or however much Yeah fuck that Were they able to get the clog out at least The clog is the pipe Can you just replace the pipe though?

Yeah that's what I'm going to try to do Yeah just fucking do that Clearly whoever built this house it was an acceptable solution When it was built Well it was cast iron Well I'm saying the feeding into an endless abyss beneath your house Yeah everybody did it Called the cesspool

Sure Fell the pool Let the kids in And then Arizona tea inflation was last SS pool. Sure. Fell the pool. Let the kids in. Okay. And then Arizona tea inflation was last. Yeah, that should have been higher. Well, it was negative too, I think. I think, I don't know.

Are people not living in areas where this is happening? I don't think they are. The customer should not be gouged. I don't think they really care about their tea inflation. Some people cared. Some people left comments. Take the Snake says, best episode yet. I give it a HH for hilarious and heartfelt.

God damn it. Patty says, Vito brings in peach tea. It says it's his favorite. Later mentions how his whack-off lotion is peach flavored. What could this mean? I didn't really think about that. I had never tried the peach tea before, and now I tried it, and I liked it. It's still in here?

You didn't take any trash out of my house? No, I was weeping like a baby. I forgot to clean up my Arizona. Carrie Grove says, please tell Vito, can you tell Vito I bought his comic and the hat because he cried? Great marketing strategy. I cry all the time, too, to get things I want. Great marketing strategy. I cry all the time, too, to get things I want. Love you guys.

It is good marketing. I didn't plan this. Ninja Gene. The worst part was I was like, what if I had planned it? That would be so insidious. You couldn't plan. I guess. Yeah, but everybody's all positive and buying my stuff and telling me hey go get it

I don't like wouldn't it be funny if it was like I got those morons that Weepy act yeah, I'm gonna take never heard that take about what transpired last week Probably wouldn't hear it from anyone else Suppose it would be hilarious. I'm just a real masterstroke Trolling I don't know. I don't know. I don't think I could plan that far ahead. Ninja Jean or Jean perhaps said the exchange after Vito came back from crying was truly podcasting artwork.

You gotta, you gotta do the show. The show must go on. How to stuff says Vito fat nerd. I don't want to set you off. No, that's fine. Hedgepig says, I can't tell if Dick said get a beer as his alcoholic advice for the crying or if he wanted Vito to grab him a beer. I think he wanted me to have a beer.

Either way, if the beer gets in here, it's good. If I had found you a beer. I would have taken it. You would have taken it. I was already drinking though. Yeah. Zach says, this morning I was thinking about that time Jordan Peterson started crying about some guy playing guitar at a bar, and I was thinking, wow, what an unhinged asshole.

Then I watched this episode. In all seriousness, though, great episode, and Vito makes the show. Well, I'll accept that Okay but Jordan Peterson Cried cause he's a weirdo Who like Had never been to a bar before And saw a guy play music

I don't know what that was about Yeah I'm like Okay you never saw Live music happen before What do you do Yeah Yeah

At least I cried Cause I felt like My friends Were having their livelihoods Ripped away from them Matt C says Vito's breakdown Imposter syndrome He's got him from them. Matt C says, Vito's breakdown, imposter syndrome. He's got him.

If you have any theories about why Vito's crying, please email them and make them as long as possible. Any clinical psychologists in our audience that want to diagnose me with whatever form of depression and anxiety. It's pretty clear it's imposter syndrome. He threw out the campaign expecting it to fail then got overwhelming support and he feels like he's not deserving of it part of him wanted it to fail to lift the weight of coming through with something that will meet everyone's expectations i mean that

whole speech about killing himself if it doesn't take off seems like he was banking on everyone not supporting it as a meme to push him. When Biggest Problem in the Universe started back up, he was ripped on each week for being the co-host, but now a lot of people, me included, love him on the show. I felt the same way when I... Oh, okay. Oh, he identifies with me. When I went from a part-time contractor in IT

to being offered the IT manager position. Same situation. For an entire... It's exactly the same. We're the same person. See, he was a part-time IT guy. Now full-time. It's the sudden, oh fuck, do I

even know what I'm doing? Someone's gonna notice I'm not up to the task feeling. It's a tough one to break. Can take a long time, but I hope he gets there. No. Wow, that's a button up. No, I already accept that I'm going to fuck this all up,

so I'm already there. Okay. It's not even a question of if, it's a question of when. Speaking of fuck ups, if you're tuning in for my ISOM notes, which I do have, after my argument with Nina Infinity on Rick Nikita's podcast last Friday about Isom.

Yeah, how did that? I didn't watch the argument. Well. I don't want to watch people argue about me, first of all, which apparently that's what it was. And Nina Infinity obviously hates me. Well. Which is fine. It's just because she hates pedophiles. Yeah. I mean, I can that's what it was. And Nina Affinity obviously hates me. Well. Which is fine.

It's just because she hates pedophiles. Yeah. I mean, I can't fault her for that. I get it. Yeah. I don't know. But everybody on that show, I don't know.

I'll get to it later in case you don't want to listen to that part. You can just turn off the show. We have a star-studied review of ISOM number one coming. Look, because... later in the episode. Because everyone was ripping on you for saying that you don't like it because you're jealous. Right. And I said, no, I think he doesn't like it because it sucks.

Right. And then they said, well, have you read it? I said, no, I can just tell, you know, I just kind of think that based on what people have said. Based on information you have which yeah as i pointed out most of these guys are like youtubers who like talk about movies that are coming out look at trailers and can analyze yeah here's here's how i know because when something is good people will say oh yeah it's like this in this like oh it's like a uh king arthur in space like oh it's how how is how is? It's like Die Hard on a bus.

It's awesome. How is Die Hard? It's like a Western, but in modern days. Fucking yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. It's fucking awesome. Like, there's all these comparisons. People can tell you why it's good. Your brain is like a sociological sponge. Right.

And you need narratives to relate to other people and through, like, history. Right. So you associate it with things that exist. And when that doesn't happen, I figure that it just doesn't, that it's just nothing. That's a good point. I've never heard anyone really compare it to anything. Yeah, right.

Yeah, that's a big problem. Which I'm sure they'll say, well, it's a visionary work that stands alone. What's Star Wars? Oh, it's like a samurai story, but in space. Oh, wow, that sounds dope.

Yeah. That's two things I love. What's I-Song? I can't wait for the next one. Okay. What an idiot I am. So I read it. I read it and made notes. I read it and made fucking notes, and we'll see. What an idiot I am So I read it I read it and got

And made notes I read it and made fucking notes And we'll see We'll see We'll see I have also read it But I will not be Officially reviewing it

I guess I'll just be Asking questions Following along Well what annoyed me Was that after I said that On Nick's show Yeah The fans all

Are calling me names Mmm How dare they So you want to steal it And say it's what an absolute clown They say They were really mad that you asked someone to send you like a PDF of it And it's like well yeah I don't want to

I don't want to own it They made a meme of me looking like I'm crying I don't look like that I don't look like that while I'm crying And it says I know Wagyu steak is dog shit. Everyone knows it's dog shit, but we're all pretending it might be good. No. Yeah, it's definitely not the Wagyu steak of

the comic book world. It's a play for attention. I don't really enjoy my fucking credibility being questioned. It's a play for attention. I think you get more than enough attention that you don't need to I think you just don't You're not inspired

Complete and utter bellend Okay Okay so I read it I read it then Yeah they told you to read it Let's see who's the fucking bellend now They're mad that you got a pirated copy of it But again it's 35 bucks

I don't want What are you going to do with it after you read it So much jealousy Oh I'll show you jealousy I'll show you fuckers jealousy. You tell me where I'm wrong. Prove me wrong, kids. Well, the people who accuse me...

I don't think Masterson believes anything he says. He likes to say inflammatory things to get attention. I have six pages of notes here on the entire fucking comic. I think you do believe in what you say i mean that's proof right there i'm a bit disappointed in the members of the panel for not stating simple fact claims that contradict matters masterson is lying most of the readers gave very good reviews to the comic okay i'm just another guy giving a review then i mean you're supposed to love that right how many fucking reviews have i got in Star Wars? I've gone through the reviews.

I have not found... I mean, there's a couple guys who will be like, this is, you know, great, and everything he's doing is great. But, like, most of the guys are like... Who is this chump? I'll fucking... I'll chomp you. This dude is a troll loser.

Okay, I guess we'll see who the fucking loser is now. All right, do you want to do the... Do you want to... All right, so I'm going to lead us in here. Yeah. What do we have? Oh, okay. Yeah.

We have our favorite segment. Yeah. Do the second one. Not that one. Okay. That one. Vote it up. Before Super Killer was a comic book.

was a comic book You used to say you voted out You know you did You know you did But in this ever racist world in which we live in Makes you give up and cry So vote it up or die

Vote it up, folks. Vote it up or die. And you wanted me to play the short version, right? And the other one is longer. It's good. Oh, yeah. Vote it up, yeah. Voted up, folks. The exciting segment where we revisit past problems and put them in a new light.

Dick from episode 85, just a few short episodes ago, I brought up the important problem of seatbelt laws. Yeah, okay. Well, seatbelt usage in Ohio seems to be proving me right that people do not like these seatbelts as it has now dropped to its lowest level in nearly two decades. The statewide seatbelt compliance rate has dropped from just over 84% in 2021 to less than 81% in 2022. We're winning them over. That's according to a study. So you want people to not wear seatbelts? Absolutely.

Okay. Now, there were 527 people killed in crashes in Ohio where a seatbelt was not in use, but I'm going to say they died happy, and that's what's important. Trucks had the lowest compliance rates of any vehicle. That's 76% for heavy trucks and over 77% for light trucks. The national seatbelt use rate currently stands at 91.6%. So 91.6% of people are cuckolds seat belted cucks have you used the extender that they sent i did use the extender do you feel more comfortable i mean i i doesn't make the beep now when i'm driving around without the seat belt on so it's

yes or i feel equally comfortable with less distracting warnings trying to inhibit my freedom. Okay. Good for you. And, of course, our favorite voted up segment, which has its own unique stinger, Boycott of the Week. Boycott of the Week is back in force, and this is a real one, folks. Conservative commentators are calling for- See this?

You should have waited for this to do the first Boycott of the Week. of the week okay well you blew it on i know whatever shut up we got it now boycott of the week and who made that stinger reverend scott reverend scott thank you conservative commentators are calling for a boycott of target stores over their yearly pride collection featuring LGBTQ friendly clothing and merchandise. Yeah. After critics posted videos attacking store displays and confronting employees, the company held an emergency meeting and decided to remove or relocate some pride merchandise. Take that. To make it less visible in stores.

Among the controversial items were a series of items by trans designer Ab Prowlin, which many have accused of being a satanist name the designer prallen denies these claims dick what do you think about this satanic pedophile merchandise infiltrating target stores worldwide oh man uh so women are not shopping at target now is that what we're pretending is happening? That's what we're... We're not shopping at Target. I mean, we have to put in context,

I think we said we were skeptical of the Bud Light boycott, but I always said I think they could make it happen if they stick with it, and they did kind of stick with it. I don't think they're going to stick with it long enough. The Bud Light one is retarded too I think Well it's like Kid Rock shot a bunch of beer

Oh yeah well that's gonna Yeah people If a major celebrity Shoots your beer Yeah that's gonna happen It's not You guys aren't like Desecrating this into power

I'm willing to say though That they all committed To stop buying Bud Light For a period of time Will the brand bounce back When they all forget about it? I don't know. I mean, who gives a shit?

Well, yeah, but that's the thing is like, I think it's much easier to boycott Bud Light because you can just drink a different beer. Modelo. Sure. Any other brand of piss water. I think Target, though, it's like, it's your local. Who cares?

Who gives a shit? Who fucking cares if target gets bought out by kmart or like who fucking cares if there's no more gay beer do you morons not do you morons not fucking realize like who the bad guy is in this scenario it's not that god the companies don't give a shit they're like well you know yeah if we make this as gay as possible that's good right yeah i mean that seems to be what people want. Oh, they don't want that. All right, well, we're not doing any more gay shit. Like, that's not like a big win for you, you fucking retards.

You're getting wrung dry like a stone. Your blood is being squeezed out. Your children are being buried in fucking debt because you're worried about a couple hundred kids getting mutilated. Who fucking cares? Who fucking cares? Who fucking cares? And the response to everyone is, are you guys fucking retarded that you think that Target not having gay shirts is a big win for you? Why aren't you ever worried about taxes? Well, we can't do anything about that.

Yes, you fucking can. You just can't do anything about it from Twitter. I really do wish They had bigger priorities Than just Like getting voter ID Just get all of you just get up Go protest for any of this shit In real life

Stop what you're doing You're such pieces of shit You're such worthless pieces of shit For what you do We did it man look at this fucking chart Bro bro bro look at this fucking chart Bro bro bro Look at this fucking chart Look it's sink right here

What about that What about that dip right there Don't worry about that dip Don't worry about that dip There's a dip right here There's a dip right here That's us bro That's us

High five High five High five But if you can't buy A gay swimsuit at Target Isn't that a huge win For something You know

You can tuck your dick up my ass If I could pay less taxes We gotta get rid of these tux swimsuits Cause it's making the kids perverted I think I did a cut out but I don't think it's funny now You wanna see it? Sure

Who was it? What's up Satan? Wait let me get in You really gotta move that picture I gotta move this down a little bit. Hold on. Oh, shit, I don't have any room on the top. Why don't you scale it up?

Scale it up. Scale it up. Yeah, make it bigger. Scale these nuts, Vito. Okay. Scale these. There, that's good. Okay.

Scale these nuts, Vito. Satan, what do you think about them removing your merchandise from Target? Oh, good. Oh, you're good. I don't see a dime from that shit. You're not getting royalties on your pedophilic pride merchandise at the Targets? Nah, fuck that. Well, a lot of people are really worried.

Well, now women can go back to Target in peace? No. No. I hate gays, actually. That's a misconception. Right. So you're anti-gay. I'm anti-gay.

Why do you think I made women? So this is a win for some Gays are getting away with it Gays are living their lives in happiness I think it's A lot of people are really upset with what you say And they're really worried that you're taking over Yeah That you're out there

That's right I am Taking over That's what I do for this guy. I don't know, Satan. It seems like you're a lot of talk, but what do you really do? What are you actually doing? I'm going to take all your fucking toys in your house and burn them. I might burn them.

Vito, think about that. Just think about all your toys. I don't want that to happen. There's an electrical fire in your house because the cockroaches in your PlayStation and all your toys. No, no, no. Don't start an electrical fire. That's right.

That's what I'm doing right now. I would rather you trans all the kids than do that. I am going to trans the kids. Okay. Well, just stick with that. Leave my stuff alone. Maybe I won't, actually. Well.

You don't know what I'm going to do, Vito. You're a very sneaky individual, Mr. Satan. I want to titillate all the pedophiles. That's my goal. That's my goal, but I don't want them to get off That would be You can imagine how horrible that would be for me What is it?

You don't want them to be happy Right Yeah Right You're a complicated man, Satan I am very complicated Have you thought about You got that right, Vito

Doesn't even really make sense, do I? No, you're Not at all, do I? Doesn't even make sense a little bit, Vito No, it's very logical God controlling everything and me pretending like I'm controlling everything. Wouldn't that make more sense? There's not a lot of,

uh, it's hard to follow or is it? I don't know. I think it's not. I think it is. Uh, are there any other retailers you've thought about infiltrating with your, uh,

I got Ford. Did you see that? Yeah. Ford made a big gay Ford. I saw the, Ford. I made a big gay Ford. I saw the gay Ford. Yeah, the big gay truck they're selling. You a Ford man or you a Chevy man? Do you want Calvin pissing on a Ford or getting a dick up his ass, Vito?

I don't want it either. I don't think Satan. I don't want to be Satan anymore. Okay. Well, that was Satan, everybody. All right. Joining us for Voted Up. No, we're good. We're good. You don't got to. I need another beer. Do you want to play the other one Up. No, we're good.

I need another beer. Do you want to play the other one now? No, save that for some other time. Save it. You ordered a beer. You ordered a beer. Fucking UPS store charged me a dollar for tape today. To tape a package?

Yeah. Why don't you just get me free tape? Why don't you just buy a roll of tape? I'm out four bucks. Then you got a whole roll of tape. It's a principle. What were you mailing? Curtain rod. Why were you mailing a curtain roll of tape. The principle. What were you mailing? Curtain rod.

Why are you mailing a curtain rod? I don't know. Vote it up, folks. All right. Vote up tape. All right. So am I going first? Yeah, you're going first.

Well, Dick, my problem, not to harp on something in particular particular but my problem is very special episodes these are episodes of your favorite shows yes where a comedy ties was fucking horrible with this well i have that no i don't have that one written down this is where your favorite comedy show goes off the rails and gets all weird and emotional. Yeah. Therefore ruining the show

probably forever. Thankfully, MASH really saved it. I mean, they did a lot of very special episodes, but kind of saved the worst of it

for the end when Hawkeye, you know, said a lady strangled her. Well, spoiler alert. I thought the last episode was good of MASH. Was it not? Where the lady strangled her. Well, spoiler alert. I thought the last episode was good of MASH.

Was it not? Where the lady strangled a baby. Oh, what? Yeah. Do you remember that? I didn't see that show. You never saw the finale of MASH? It is like a famous episode, but there was nowhere to go.

You couldn't have any more episodes after that. He strangled a baby? Yeah. Do you want to know what happens in the last episode of MASH? You have more to tell than that? Hawkeye's in a psychiatric hospital And they're like, what's wrong, Hawkeye? And he's like, I was on this bus

And there was a Korean patrol And this lady was holding a chicken And I kept telling her, you gotta shut up that chicken If you don't shut up that chicken, the patrol's gonna find us And they're gonna kill all of us And she snapped the neck of the chicken And then they go, Hawkeye, what really happened? And he goes, it wasn't

a chicken. It was a baby. She killed a baby. And you're like, this show's fun. What a fun show this is. Okay. And of course, remember the different strokes episode where Arnold's friend Dudley gets raped by the friendly

neighborhood bicycle man. And how do you watch that show? I don't know if we talked about it on here, but I'm like, I couldn't have Arnold get raped because I need to be watching the show every episode. And that kid get raped. That's all we talk about anymore from Different Strokes. Like,

it had a lasting effect because it was so funny. Is that what's good? Is it just being lasting? Yeah, I think so. Again, I think the comedy of the show, it's hard to go back to and go, oh, I love this fun show, knowing that in the background of this comedy universe, there's a rapist. It gets funnier, though. Over time, the rape gets funnier.

Does it? Yeah. I mean, it is pretty funny. It's funny now. It's funny now. Yeah, I think it does. I don't know if it should be funny. What about the quantum leap where Sam's retarded?

See, that's a very special That's funny now That is funny now Look at it Look I'm not gonna say That 20 years later 30 years later But we're laughing

At how bad it was That's the point It's bad We know it's bad No Yeah The Saved by the Bell episode Where what's her name

Jesse gets addicted To caffeine Jesse gets addicted To caffeine pills Cause he couldn't do Actual drugs The point is you're enjoying Your favorite comedy show

And all of a sudden everyone is crying And there's all these emotions And it ruins the show forever Imagine if there was like a Three Stooges episode Where they poked one of the stooges in the eye And he started crying You could never enjoy the stooges again Because it would be too real

And I have a feeling that this happens to certain shows yeah and they're fucking ruined now yeah um because uh you have characters who exist to poke fun at right and rip on okay and it's funny and now the audience feels bad for them and starts sending them notes about how bad they feel not me it's nothing to do with me so the notes made you feel bad more bad are you saying the point is that when the dynamic of the show relies so heavily on the audience having an antagonistic relationship with the characters. And one of the characters accidentally reveals their humanity and weakness. Oh, I see what the problem is.

The entire premise of the show is now gone. It's destroyed. And it's only downhill from there. Right. So your idea of yourself is like this guy that would never cry. And the entire audience does not agree with you. That's not what I don't think that's true. You think you like jump into the deep end and that's what happened.

But what actually happened is you just like took a step further into the, the quicksand that is your life. That's what I think the point is. Gradual spectrum. There was always, there was always that like, well, at least he's not, you know,

he talks about killing himself and he's miserable and everything. But at least he's not fucking crying. And then it's like, I jumped the shark. I broke the fourth wall. It's destroyed now. Yeah. I've shattered the illusion. And now we're going to get a bunch of voicemails.

Like last week, there was that voicemail. I was like, hey, Vito, you're a pretty good guy. And it's fucked. It's just that from here on out. I don't think you're going to get that many voicemails about that. I hope not. Because all I've been getting is these messages. Now do you feel like you can't live up to those messages of niceness?

Like you couldn't live up to the support of your project? I feel like it was a lot easier when everyone just called me a pedophile. Said I voted for every horrible thing in the world. You behave like this to build up a wall around you so people can't get close? Behave like what? In what way? Like you do on Twitter? Like antagonistically?

No, I genuinely hate a lot of things and people. Well, yeah, but. And I complain about them loudly. And people should give me shit about that. And that's fair. Okay. So what do you want? Like people calling you gay because you're crying?

I just want to reset the clock. We're going to retcon a certain episode. Pretend that it doesn't exist. This is all sounding very familiar. Maybe keep the rapping. The rapping was cool. Maybe I could go in and edit out portions of episodes where I feel I become too...

I think it would be confusing for me if I had to constantly deal with one person publicly. Editing the show? Well, just like the perception of one person and then a totally Different person Right You're saying

It would be very difficult For me to maintain that Relationship Is that a relationship That has not led To a successful Podcast dynamic Before

I just don't think It's a good idea So what kind of What examples do you have Of very special episodes I remember when Family Ties started doing That every other

Show Yeah And they were talking About like their parents Funeral Going through their Parents funeral very special episodes. I remember when Family Ties started doing that every other show. Yeah. And they were talking about their parents' funeral. Going through their parents' funeral and having real conversation. The parents were talking about going to their parents' funeral.

Yeah. Like, this is fucked, guys. I remember when we had to learn how Hey Arnold's parents died. I was like, this is too much. Sometimes these shows just get like a little, I mean mean I guess

You gotta do that At some point Yeah I don't know Yeah I mean There's like Every show does it Remember when they had

To put Dot down In Animaniacs No they didn't They couldn't afford Her stomach got twisted That's not a thing Is that a thing No

Her stomach got twisted Yeah I got it in a knot That episode of Animaniacs Yeah I'm trying to think. I mean, I feel like there are shows that it's been like wildly inappropriate. God, but it's been a while. Yeah. I wrote down like three examples.

I don't know. Which one of your three examples? Was there a last one? The MASH one with the final one. Saved by the bell. MASH. Different strokes with the rape. Okay.

Did Family Matters do one? Did Urkel ever... Oh, Carl shot a... Ironically, a white guy. Carl shot a white guy? No. Yeah, Carl shot a white guy. I now remember the Save by the Bell where

Will's... Was it his father or his mother didn't want him? Why didn't he love me, man? Yeah, that one. Was it his dad left or the mom't want him? Why didn't he love me, man? Yeah, that one. Was it his dad that left or the mom? Yeah, it was his dad. Or the one where Carlton had the gun. That was so stupid, but we're still talking about it. Because that was real.

No, no, you're wrong. That episode, these episodes that you're talking about are the creators trying to be real. They're trying to tell a. They're putting their real, they're trying to tell a real powerful story to us. And it's basically their version of

shitting and crying all over the episode. And you're like, wow, this is like, the actors are all invested in it. Like,

they're drawing from like, like Will Smith's really was, has a huge abandonment complex, right? And he's drawing on that for his acting and it's so

Gross and revealing And raw And despicable you're like oh god I hate that so much I hate what it reminds me of myself And I hate you for doing this to me It's perfect I think they're memorable

I don't know if they're memorable For the right reasons Like I don't know if they're memorable for the right reasons. Like, I don't know, but there will be people who go, what a powerful moment on Fresh Prince. And then he went back to dancing and rapping. What about that episode of Smurfs when Jokey roofied Smurfette and didn't do anything? And he's like, what?

I didn't do anything. And they're like, yeah, that's pretty fucking Smurf though, man. What about that episode of Gummy Bears? One of the Gummy Bears got its fucking head cut off, and they all had to deal with it. No, that's not the same as my examples that I'm doing. Was there ever like a kid's cartoon and one of the characters just fucking dies?

Oh, God, did you ever see Halloween Tree? No, what's that? That's the one. Was it Halloween Tree? It was like a Halloween special. This was not a series. But it's like they have like a dead friend. Yeah.

And then at the end of it, they all agree to give him five years of their life so their dying friend can live. I remember watching that and being like, I'm not giving anybody any years of my life. That was a weird spooky TV thing. Are conservatives, are they against that? I think so. I think they're against it. It was, yeah, it was kind of static.

Sharing their life? No, no, think about it. Sharing your life force. Okay. Very special episodes. Ruins the shows forever. It is only downhill from there. And I apologize to everyone.

Oh, here we go. Performing an illicit parasocial bond. Having to listen to their fucking apology Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I get it I bet you spent a long time on this apology It's more of that emotional manipulation I've been talking about And you know We shouldn't stand for it Okay

And I deeply apologize For the Hunger do it more Alright I got nothing else What do you got what's your problem Um losing shit Losing shit Yeah I uh I've been looking for these track pants

For like probably three years Yeah These blue track pants I have You didn't just give up on it you thought you could find them You can't give up on it Cause you know that you have it I have the blue Tracksuit jacket

And I don't have the pants anywhere And they're sold out I looked today and they're sold out everywhere I fucking know Adidas of course Now that Kanye is back with Adidas I can wear proudly Adidas Wait is he actually officially back with Adidas

He's gotta be They can't survive without him. It seems like a thing where like they could just bring him back. I really think they should. Yeah, they should. Yeah. They have to. He said he loved 21 Jump Street.

Yeah. He's fine. That's the most Jewish movie I can think of. If you want to judge if a guy hates Jews, you show him 21 Jump Street. All right? That's it. That's the test. Not the sequel.

Not the sequel, no. Not the sequel. I've looked all over for these goddamn track pants, which I've never even worn. Right. Why would I just wear a blue, you know? Yeah. I want to wear the whole thing. It's a suit.

Track suit. It's a track suit. It's not a track. You can't wear a suit jacket without the pants. Track jackets this looks like a some stumble bum idiot they just slap this thing on so I go down to the finally go down after years of searching this go down to the dry cleaners I know that I left it here I'm a hundred percent sure that I left it here look up all the all the numbers you got nothing nothing nothing nothing but nothing will find this fucking thing mmm this is it's

like a it's like a Sliver in your mind. Yeah, do you understand what I'm saying? I've lost items important things. Yeah, like I lost a great magic deck And I could I remember the last time I saw it and then gone yeah nothing Yeah, and there's nothing I can do To get it To get it back I brought some stats in for you

Uh Losing shit Costs Americans Five hundred Uh Five thousand five hundred dollars Over a lifetime I'm trying to remember the last thing I lost

That I did not find again You and your house of That's the thing If it's gone I it's just gone. Doesn't bug you forever? Well, I mean, I just assume I'm going to find it somewhere in the cavern at some point. It's not. You need it now.

Or I go like, did I sell it and I didn't know about it? I just assume some kids stole it. 600, though. Here's one. This will get you on board. 600,000 missing people every year how about that wow you lose a whole person how does that how's that work there's a lot of people they find them after like a couple days though that's how many reports 100,000 active missing persons records it's a lot it's a lot of people It's like all Mexicans though right

Come again Well like cause it goes like I can't find this guy And then it's like Yeah you went back to Mexico I don't know if that's Is that like half of them I have no idea

Why would you think Why would you think Going back to Mexico Is a I think some Mexicans Just come over and they go Eh And then they go home?

And they just ghost. Who's looking for them over here then? Like their family, because I don't tell them. They're like, I don't want to... Or they trick them into bringing them over and then they leave? I think they like show up in America and they're like, oh, this isn't that good. And then it's kind of like you just leave a party early and your family's like, where'd Jose go? Mm-hmm.

Jose, I get it. He's just going to go back to Mexico. Oh, whatever a Mexican day. And then he goes and lives like the high life without his wife and kids in Mexico. Yeah, why not? Like a fake coyote. He just pays to take his family over. I don't know what all the missing cases are.

A lot of it's probably people just drowning their autistic kids. And you're like, oh, where'd he go? I don't know. You know? They don't look in the creek. There's like an unspoken agreement with the cops. If an autistic kid goes missing, the cops know like, all right, we're going to look for him.

But like. We're going to look. And I'll throw some puzzle pieces out. They don't look that hard. The average person will lose 3,000 items in their life and spend a year looking for them. Wow. Can you believe that? 3,000 things.

You ever lose your car keys? Pretty much every day. Yeah. I got to deal with that situation. Yeah. I hate that. Chicago taxis say 120,000 lost phones every year. You ever find anything in a taxi?

Mm-mm. One time I was digging around in the seats, I found a diamond ring. Really? And my dad took it from me. Did he give it back? No, he said, I'm going to get it checked out. And then he said, no, it was fake. And I'm like, I know it wasn't fake.

I know you. I mean, like, he paid for the trip. So if he really wants to take the diamond ring and pawn it on a kid's ship. That's not a good rule. What if you lost a diamond and you were lying about it? I guess you just replace it with a fake diamond. If my dad wanted to run a little scam on me, I'll let him have it. You know what?

Sure. The average American spends two and a half days looking for the shit they lost. Wow. For a year, I guess. That's a lot of lost shit. That's a lot of missing stuff, yeah. If you ever lost anything, there you go. Vote it up.

I think that's a common problem that people can identify with. I think they're going to vote that one up. Okay, go ahead. What's your problem? Well, my problem, Dick, is probably stupid. I don't know why I keep fighting on Twitter about it. What's up? But this week, there was a viral video where a man was trading in items at a video game store.

Did you see this video? Yeah, I did. And he traded in a number of items in order to get a Nintendo Switch. Yeah. And everybody's been freaking out. Uh-huh. Because they're like, he traded in an original Nintendo. Do you know what an original Nintendo's worth?

Four thousand dollars. They're like, he traded in a Pikachu Edition N64. Yeah. That's worth a thousand dollars. Yeah. That's worth $1,000. Yeah. My problem, Dick, is mispricing. Mispricing.

Yeah. In general. Mispricing nostalgia. Mispricing nostalgia is a good one. My parents are always hitting me up with video, with baseball cards. Everybody thinks their old shit is worth something. Yeah. You got to get these baseball.

I look some of these. Your dad and I look some of these up. It's $500. Okay. What in there is worth $500? So we had Antiques Roadshow. That was like the first thing that made people go, huh, some old stuff is worth money. And then you got to like Pawn Stars and American Pickers and all these fucking shows.

And they've all convinced Americans that all this old shit they have is Worth a fortune yeah and there's Been this gold rush to Buy up all this shit who's paying for This shit I don't know Who's paying for any of it The Pikachu Nintendo's I don't Know I mean I'm

Buying some of it but not nearly as much As what other people are buying yeah those hutches Those vases that they have on like where is the unlimited cards they're not a furry art i don't understand because they're autistic weirdos in aerospace so we'll pay anything to see their little furry guy yeah they have lots of money to buy weird i follow some guys just because they have a lot of money and they're insane furries there's one guy who just spends like thousands on these like custom inflatable dragons for him to fuck oh i know that guy and i'm like yeah i've been trying to get him to call in dude he has so many of them

i'm like bro how many inflated and then every once in a while there was a guy there was a guy that we were trying to get uh there was a guy in my discord Who would make Grover sex dolls Non-stop And eventually his wife Left and took his kids Because he would not stop making Grover sex dolls They're not for the whole family

No they're for him He would just make Grover after Grover He wouldn't call in, though. It was just a guy he knew. It was just a guy this guy knew. That's great. I love, see, that's the one great thing about the internet is getting able to see what these crazy people are up to.

Yeah. I follow one guy who has a really nice, like, full-size Mega Man costume, and all he does is like, hey, do you want to watch me hump this pillow? And I'm like, no, Mega Man, I'm okay. No, man do you want to watch me hump this pillow and I'm like no Mega Man I'm okay no man I want to hear you go like yeah I want to do Mega Man shit I don't want to see anything back on topic however an AI could just give that guy a fucking AI who's like I would love to see it he probably I mean that's all it's gonna be check it out let me see that honestly i have a buddy who's working on like ai dominatrix c's or whatever because i think that is going to be the future yeah people will just pay money to have a computer

tell them to jerk off that's hard to make an ai do though they're very passive yeah that's true yeah i want to get into it i think i would be good at telling it what to do. Telling the computer what to do? If user is horny, then maybe I wouldn't be good at it. Point is that all the items in this video that everyone's freaking out about were not worth. I mean, regular Nintendo is not worth. See, this affects me as a game collector because I know the price of these. Everyone's going, that was $5,000 worth of items. That man was ripped off.

And I go, nah, all that shit's worth like a fraction of this. It affects you, you're saying? Well, it's just I feel connected as a collector, as a person who knows. As a guy who wants to argue with people. Well, I want to wheel and deal. When I go to the fucking, I go to the thrift store and they got like an original PlayStation for $100. And I go, that's worth like $20. Because the laser thing wilts and then it doesn't work anymore.

And it's the first PlayStation. So it only plays PS1 games. Yeah. Dog shit. Uh, what happens is, and this is the most common thing is people think you can just go on eBay, type in the thing and go, Oh, Nintendo, $4,000. That's what my parents do. Right.

What they don't understand is that. Cal Ripken Jr. Right there. Five grand. It's on the Amazon marketplace for five grand. It's what my parents do. Right. What they don't understand is that- Cal Ripken Jr. right there, five grand. It's on the Amazon Marketplace for five grand. It's not even the same fucking card, actually. And it hasn't sold. It hasn't sold. Until it sells, that's just the price people are asking for it.

You have to look at the sold listings on eBay, and it will tell you what the item sold for. For instance, I looked up, you ever hear people talking about the Black Diamond Disney VHS tapes? No. This was a weird series of article that used to come out back when BuzzFeed first showed up. Okay. It would be like, items you have that are actually worth thousands. And it's like, do you have the Black Diamond Disney VHS copy of Beauty and the Beast? It's just like those thick clamshell VHS things.

There's got to be a Unabomber for the buyers of these things. There are no buyers. No one's buying them at these prices. Why is there completed auctions for any of this shit? Is everyone buying it to sell to some mythical retard? Sometimes. Why are people buying and selling Pikachu Nintendo 64s? I got to get my hands on this.

Why? Why? What are you doing with it? Well, first of all, shut up, because somebody at the live show said they were going to give me a Pikachu N64. Give it to me. No, give it to me. Give it to me, and if Vito loses weight, I'll give it to him.

I am going to lose weight. I'm using my glutides. Some guy wrote a smart contract for you to lose weight. I don't want to bring crypto into this. Are you interested in a, it's very elaborate, in a contest where people can fund it with money, and if you get, if you lose enough weight, you get all that money. Okay, that's it. And if I don't do it, nothing happens? You get killed. Well, that sounds like an important thing to bring up as part of the contract you just get shamed i will take a look at the smart contract what do you you don't know anything

about i think i'm explaining to you the concept okay well if i get money for doing nothing i'm not going to say no you have to lose weight but if i don't lose weight i still nothing bad happens well you a lot of people would consider the shame of not having lost weight for money something bad. I see your point, but still, it's not really. Are you interested in this? I'm obviously interested in free money. That means I get to weigh you.

That's fine. Or next week. Do you have a scale? Yes. Okay. I haven't weighed myself in a while. I'm probably going to be disappointed by the results. What number are you shooting for?

What number? What do you think? What do you guess? I think I'm over 300 at this point. How far over? Because 700 is over 300. 310? If I'm at 310, that's...

That's good? That's what I think I'm at, but that's not good. That's really bad. I mean, that would be good for your estimation. That would be a good estimation. What about if you're 340? Then I'm really fucked up. Okay, 340 is bad. The last time I weighed myself...

Okay. I was, like, 288. Oof. In your bra. And that was, like, six months ago or something. Okay, 282.88 Yeah What would be

What would be an acceptable amount? $3.25? That's horrible If I'm over $3.10 Then like something's gonna Then that's bad Then that's bad Okay, $3.10 is your magic number

Okay $3.10, right? Are you interested in a Smart contract type betting apparatus where you get weighed and if you lose that much weight for under the amount, you get all the money in the smart contract? Yes. Okay.

Can we save the weigh-in for next week? Why are you going to fucking- I haven't signed the contract yet. No, I'm not going to carbo load. Why wouldn't you? You should. You should eat fishing yet. No, I'm not gonna carbo load. Why wouldn't you you should Fishing weights all week Coming in with a stomach Cheated I don't want to be fucking have to be naked on every way in two

I don't want to get naked in front of you. Can I be naked quiet? That's a smart contract It's requires that you are naked. No, no, no, no, I'm not getting naked. Okay, you can weigh in next week All right, I'm not getting naked in front of you. I'll get naked in the room. I have cameras everywhere. I know you do. So I'm going to leave my shirt on and my underwear on. You don't have to get naked at all.

Good. I'm not getting. You just so quickly agreed. Okay. All right. All right, we'll get to work on that. The point I was making was Your Disney VHS Is not worth $10,000

Yeah And you go to like a flea market You go to like a tag sale And people want crazy prices for shit Cause everybody's convinced them What they have is worth a fortune Yeah And most of it is not worth anything sadly

Some of it is But in very rare instances It's just crap Most of it's crap Yeah You know Yeah I'll tell you what your stuff's worth man But very rare instances. It's just crap. Most of it's crap. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

I'll tell you what your stuff's worth, man. I'm a pretty fair wheeler dealer. Everybody's like mad at me. I'm like, yeah, that Pikachu N64 ain't worth $900. It's like a $300 thing. And they're like, no! eBay says! And they're like, this Nintendo's $4,000.

I'm like, that's a brand new one. No one ever played it. This one's like a shitty one. Why do you want that Nintendo to be is $4,000 I'm like that's a brand new one no one ever played it This one's like a shitty one Why do you want that Nintendo to be worth $4,000 Well there's a weird collector's market Yeah for all this The guys who are buying sealed video games To keep them sealed It's weird

Well I say that but then I'm like I've bought a couple of them so I don't know Like something's wrong with me You always buy a bunch of this shit Cause I was like well it'll probably go up uh my I bought a sealed Final Fantasy 8 I think I paid 250 bucks which one was that Final Fantasy 8 was the one with the pretty kid and what the what the big scar across his face you said pretty yeah he's a pretty he's a pretty like he's got like a punk kid he's got a punk kid. He's got, like, a scar on his face and, like, a puffed collar. Squall Leonhart.

Oh, was there any girls you want to fuck in that one? Yeah, there was a bunch of them. Rinoa, she had long black hair. I remember that one. Yeah. I think you went into space in that one, didn't you? Not space, but you had a flying high school. Maybe you went to space at some point.

I'm pretty sure you went to space. I'm pretty sure you went to space in the Ragnarok ship actually And there was a thing where you had to move through space And then if you fucked it up In Final Fantasy VIII? I'm pretty sure Wow, that was ahead of its time Okay, so What else you got?

Mispricing nostalgia is the problem There you go I remember when I was a kid My dad dad was all into collecting baseball cards, but threw me. So we would go and be like, yeah, this is a good one. You must want to buy all those, huh, son? Yeah, and then he would always talk about how his mom threw away all his baseball cards, and he'd be like a millionaire. Yeah.

And it would just be like that was a running thing. I have a garage. Yeah And it would just be like That was a running thing I have a garage I went to a I went to a thrift store And they just had a

Giant pile of sports cards Like For like a hundred bucks Yeah And I said Let's roll those dice And I bought them all And now I'm like

I have no idea what I don't want to go through these I don't You have to like Scan them like One by one Yeah they have like This app have to like scan them like one by one. Yeah. They have like this app.

You can like scan the card. But then I'll be like, that card's worth a hundred bucks. I'm like, really? And then I like look closer and it's like, if it was a super refractor with a fucking and I'm like, all right, this is useless. This is a waste of my time. Somebody wants to come to my house. We need like a processing center in India where we can send all of our old shit, beanie

babies, baseball cards. Just go rip it off. Like a processing center in India Where we can send All of our old shit Beanie babies Baseball cards Just go rip it off No we need to have We'll have other Indians Looking at them To make sure They don't steal

They all have to be naked Yeah They all have to be naked They can't We put latex suits on them So they can't smudge anything up With their grease And they have like

Surgical things That they just sort through Our American trash To like look for valuable It to that for to no one. Yeah. That other Americans will buy for inexplicably to sell to other Americans. It is really sick when you think about. We're talking about the Chinese people in living in cages making 12 cents a day.

And we're like, I wonder if this Barry Bonds fucking cardboard triangle is worth. I don't feel bad for the Chinese ones, though. Yeah, they're not really people. Indian ones, I do. Did you see the picture from some guy who worked at the Pokemon warehouse? No. Was stealing all the Pokemon cards, all the good ones. So everybody was opening packs, and they're like, how come there's no good cards in these packs?

All the good ones So everybody was opening packs And they're like How come there's no good cards In these packs And this guy just showed up At a card shop And he's like What can I get for

10,000 Charizards And they're like Hold on one second New York City They're like It is like The amount of money You would have spent

To acquire A thousand Charizards Is astronomical What a fucker. And it was like a retarded plan. He could have just sold them like one at a time and probably made bank. He literally brought them all to one store. You have

20 million in cash in here, right? Get a load of these babies like he's Marcellus Wallace. Get a load of this. There's a picture of all the cards and you're like, bro, how did you think you were going to get away with that? But yeah, now all these people are like, dude, I bought a bunch of that set. I didn't get shit. It's like,

yeah, because that one guy working at the factory took every Charizard. What a fucking asshole. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. That is a fucked up. I hate it even though it's cardboard. He could have stole like a hundred. That would have been fine. I would have been like, yeah. That would have been fine. Yeah, that would have been fine. Get a couple off the table.

Yeah, don't take them all. You would have got away with it too if it was a hundred. Just sell a couple on eBay here and there. Anyway. Dick, what is your final problem? My final problem is making choices. Have you ever had to make a choice before? I believe I have, yeah.

Sucks. It sucks. It's the worst part. It's honestly the worst part of life. I agree with Satan. Free will is really the worst. That was the problem, right? That's why Satan got kicked out of heaven

and buried in a river of fire, flaming excrement for all eternity because he said, you know what, God? I think maybe No that's Dante What's yours? I think God Oh fuck

I forget Paradise Lost Yeah I think we shouldn't Give these guys Free will Yeah Because it's like

A huge burden Sounds horrible Like you just Imagining every decision You make is like A constant decision tree. Yeah. And you know,

you fucked up and you, you did no matter what. It sounds awful. And they're like, take this guy, get him straight to hell. Cast him out. Cast him down.

Lucifer son of the morning. Transos. And I'm going to cast you out of earth. Okay, guys. Um, we have to make a 35,000 choices a day. That's horrible.

I can't believe it. You had to choose to even listen to that sentence. Could have tuned it out. It's like, this is boring. It's a real esoteric problem. It's a real thinker. Is it esoteric? 122 informed choices. Wow. That's like really

thinking about it. Oh, man. That's how many thinking about it. Like, oh, man. That's how many choices you're going to make every day? Every fucking day, man. Should I watch TV? Should I watch TV? I got to figure out what to watch on TV. Should I work out today?

What are you going to work on? We spend three hours a day deciding what to have to eat, what time to go to bed, and what to wear and watch. That's fascinating. That's a lot of time. Well, today, what did I eat? What didn't you eat, right? Yeah, exactly.

I got some Dunkin' Donuts, actually. No, you did? I did. I like Dunkos. Did you take that semaglutide today? Not today. I took it like a couple days ago Are you supposed to take it Every other day?

Once a week Once a week Once a week You know I think I honestly think that They're gonna find that like Obesity Is like a

Lacking Of a Of a protein That this That Simaglutide Like has It's literally just like Your brain is just like

Hey motherfucker Eat And you're like I don't know I don't I don't wanna eat I don't I don't wanna eat

Eat Yeah the whole point Is that it's just like They're finding it helps With all forms of addiction Also So like Don't rope me into this

Alcoholics Gambling addicts All of them Yeah It's just kinda like The fat one though The brain stops screaming At you all day to do a thing. Won't we all feel dumb if it turns out in like 50 years,

it was like, oh yeah. If there's like no fat people left, we're going to feel so dumb because we spent all this time being like mean to them. Oh, well you're just like lazy. And it's like, no, like they literally just like needed their brain to like calm down. Like lithium. Yeah. Like before lithium, it was like, well, you're just a fucking schizophrenic.

Beat him. Beat him until he stops acting like this. Yeah, he's clearly choosing to act up. Yeah, imagine if we just get rid of all the fat. I'm feeling like, you know, I feel bad for like all the fat people who their whole lives was like struggling with it. It's like, ah, I just, now you just get a pill. Yeah.

That's bullshit. Yeah. All the guys who put in the work, changed their lifestyle. The guys. Not the women. I don't want to... Well, as I was discussing with Andy Signoria, there's now a lot of celebrities like Mindy Kaling got skinny. Did you see that?

Ugh, no. But now everybody, she's like, no, I really did. I ran around and I like ate right. And everyone's like, nah, you probably just took a fucking pill. So even if you do it the right way, everyone's just nah you probably just took a fucking pill. So even if you do it the right way everyone's just gonna assume you're a fucking liar. Yeah. So there's literally no

benefit. Did her head get smaller? Yeah. Her head got smaller too? Yes. Her head got way smaller. Wow. I wonder if I could do that. That's why everybody thinks she's on the pill cause it like sucks away your cheeks. Oh wow. If I stay on it like you should get it with your big old head as uh my fucking cheeks are gonna sink in like that

is that that bufalis busalis surgery where they suck all the cheek fat out of your face i don't know that's a whole other thing a lot of ladies women being women are still going to be retarded in the future where people aren't fat. It's going to be weird when they grow up and they're going to go, can you inject the fat

back in my face because now I'm Skeletor. Yeah. When it comes to exercise, here you go. 66% of people agreed that they struggle to decide whether or not to exercise it.

More decisions. Wow. That's why you got to keep a schedule, which I don't do. I'm an idiot. A quarter admitted they make choices

they regret. Have you ever made a choice you regretted? No. No, really? Other than crying on my favorite podcast. I wouldn't call that a choice. I've ever made in life. Everything else I've ever said or done here and or on Twitter, I stand by 100%. 227 choices daily are made on just food, according to Cornell.

Wow. That's fascinating. You know what else is tough about making choices? What's tough, Dick? If you're making a superhero comic, you should choose What powers This whole This whole thing is gonna be Making choices

Anybody can tell a story about anything Sorry anyone can tell a story about everything. But making choices about the story and the characters and the universe that they're in is what makes it a story. You could have a watch a story about everything. See, I'm making a choice.

Who's in it? Everybody. You could imagine. Well, I can't imagine, but I have a whole day of making choices about where I'm sleeping and what I'm wearing So I'd like you to make a choice I would like you to make an entertainment product to choose what I'm reading on this page But it's not just a widget factory sure fighting globs

Just prevent the globes From getting snogged you're saying you're saying some fiction, you feel the author failed to make meaningful choices. Choices. Choices. Interesting. Are imperative. Some would say the most important choices in a narrative. See, I'm making a choice because a certain group of comic professionals were like, hey,

Vito, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop. Stop picking on Eric July. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Okay, well, Vito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop picking on Eric July. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Okay, well, I don't care about comics. I don't care about comics.

I don't fucking care about how... No, I'll tell you about comics. You've read comics. Yeah, I love good ones. Yeah, there's lots of great comics. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm a guy. I like them. You have comparative material.

I don't care. I don't care about comics. I don't want to ever make a comic. If someone gave me $3 million to make a comic, I would go like, no. Don't say that. You might. You might. No, I don't want to make a fucking comic about, oh, it's the Incredibly Stupid Woman.

Here's the first spectacular issue where she gets in a fucking car accident. How many pages is it? She gets in a hundred car accidents in our first issue of The Incredibly Stupid Woman. And Superman's jumping over the car and she's crashing the car into something. I was going to say, you know, the action comics where he's like holding the car. She could just be in the car just crashing it into a rock. Fuck! And he's like, fucking stop getting in car accidents, you dumb bitch!

See, that's a choice that I made. That her power is wrecking cars. See, once you know what the powers are, when you see them making decisions in the story, you can go, wow, that's either a risky decision, that's a dumb decision, that's a decision based on pride, that's a decision that I dumb decision. That's a decision based on pride. That's a decision that I would make. That's a decision I might not make. That's a decision that somebody makes when they're angry.

That's a decision somebody makes out of protection. You can make fucking assumptions about what the character is doing. When you don't know his fucking powers, it's kind of hard. That's why superhero comics start with their powers. Spider-Man walks around like a fucking spider. Superman's more powerful than a locomotive. Well, it's pretty fucking powerful. If somebody's shooting at him, you know that it's not going to be a big deal for him.

It informs the narrative. It's like it shoots a fucking locomotive and it's no fucking problem. It's important to establish the rules of your superhero universe, I think is what you're saying. To establish the rules of your superhero universe, I think is what you're saying. Because then the story kind of builds around what the hero is capable of or what his weaknesses might be. Decide what kind of story you're telling. Sure. Telling a story about good versus evil?

Yeah. Let us know. Set that up with acts of great evil and acts of good. Sometimes called a save the cat moment. Oh, well now we're really digging into screenwriting 101 here. Well, we're making a parallel Hollywood, are we not? So why don't we have some... You know what the problem is with all this parallel economy shit? What is that?

They got all the ass-kissing and the glad-handing right. They have figured out that part. They figured out that part. How's that comic? It's amazing. It's the greatest fucking... You go down to Hollywood. Hey, how... Oh, you were in part. How's that comic? It's amazing. It's the greatest fucking... You got out of Hollywood? How's that script you're working on?

I read it. It's amazing. It's the greatest thing. Fucking amazing. Did you see... What's the worst movie that ever came out? You just produced Santa Inc., right? Yeah.

Yeah, I saw it. Amazing. It was great. It was great. It was fantastic. Your reviews are fucking crazy. And then, when you actually make what you're making, you get notes. Right.

Which is 10,000 things that's wrong with what you did. Yeah. They're missing that part in the parallel economy. The editor process. So I went ahead and did it. Well. Okay? I don't know if this will be entertaining.

Well, maybe this could inform future- inform It's not gonna be a little late Because you guys need to fucking do this You guys need to fucking do this You've got thousands of people Telling you that what you did is great And it's fucking not And it did not go through 40,000 copies got sold right

It did not go through this process Look The entire I'm gonna paraphrase you you tell me if i'm wrong okay your issue is eric july people are saying we're gonna topple hollywood with our independence right we're gonna make our own thing make our own art yes topple hollywood yes okay that's great love it I love the marketing campaign, right? Great marketing. I've always said I love the marketing campaign. I've contributed to that. I think I have similar marketing, and I think the mainstream needs a wake-up call from the independent sphere. Yes.

You got all this money. Wow. Awesome. And then what did you do? You took your idea, and you got people to help you chisel it down and whittle it down and perfect it into like the perfect three million dollar idea so you would make like a billion dollar idea right no you just kind of did whatever and everybody's saying it's great because they have to because they want to shill their shit yeah yeah this is not a this is not a three isom is not a three million dollar comic it's not a ten thousand dollar comic. It's not a $10,000 comic. Because the story was not fucking edited. And I have it all.

Go ahead. What were you going to say? I just know that if I don't fact check certain things, everyone's going to complain. So I will say that it was written and completed before he raised any money. So you can say that the money was raised afterwards And therefore you couldn't pay For editors or whatever Was it already manufactured? No it wasn't at the printer yet

But it was like This was like a pre-order campaign And then that will tell them how many they need to print Okay well This is missing either way Which you don't have to do That's part of why crowdfunding exists Is you can crowdfund it ahead of time And then if you get a bunch of money like oh wow well now i can make it way better than

it was going to be i can pay someone to edit this yeah so what's wrong with the story which i will do now i mean you should have done that regardless of how much money you raised which maybe you did and maybe you just didn't get a great editor okay dick take it away um it starts i'll give you uh the page by page notes and then i'll give you The page by page notes And then I'll give you My summaries Alright Cause I don't wanna fucking

I don't wanna talk about This shit anymore And defend myself To a bunch of retards About About I'm fucking jealous About I don't wanna make comics

I fucking don't I don't fucking care I'm living over A literal shithole Alright I'm done with fucking Com Starts with

Two weeks earlier Two weeks earlier Starts with Two weeks earlier Two weeks earlier The comic starts two weeks earlier Is that what it says? There's like a little note Yeah a little note in the thing Two weeks earlier Don't do that

Just start Start where it starts Stars should start where they start Start where Yeah start If you have to go two weeks back Don't go Just start two weeks ago

Yeah No need to tell us it was two weeks ago. Good point. No point to that. That's a classic note, too. I think most people will tell you that.

Is it? We meet a character called Mrs. Newman. We meet a sister who's saying to Isom, if you don't do it for your sister, she says this line,

if you don't do this for your sister, do it for Mrs. Newman. Who the fuck is Mrs. Newman? See, as a reader, I know who my family is. Right. Like, I understand the difference. Like, I understand that family is important and that if anybody's doing something for anybody, it's going to be for a family member.

Right. Not for Newman from Seinfeld. I don't. If my sister ever called me up and said, don't do it for me, do it for Newman from Seinfeld. I don't. If my sister ever called me up and said, don't do it for me. Do it for Newman from Seinfeld. I'd go like, well, I mean, I know you. Yeah. I love you.

Right. Was Mrs. Newman revealed in the script, in the plot? It's been a while. Funny enough, no. Really? No. Mrs. Newman is a, Newman is, there is no hello Jerry moment. We meet, I saw him, and that's when the internal monologue starts.

Now me, if we're going two weeks ago in the beginning of the book, I just start the monologue there. Why not? If we're seeing things from the point of view of a hero who's going to be talking to himself the whole time, which doesn't always happen or need to happen, but it's fine. Go ahead and start it at the beginning. Ease us in. Yeah. Right? Go ahead and start at the beginning. Yeah. Ease us in.

Yeah. Right? There's a lot of names after that. We come into, we meet Alpha Corps. Well, Isom's been tasked with finding this girl, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So he goes to find Jasmine.

He's called in from a farm somewhere. I think it's a farm. I don't know. He has a farm. He has his farm. in From a farm Somewhere I think it's a farm I don't know He has a farm He has his farm He has a farm He hates the city And his sister calls him

And says come Come find Jasmine To find Jasmine For Mrs. Newman Jasmine is a friend Of the family Then we meet something Called an Alpha Corps

Which is just the Super police Yeah Who are back And they seem To be bad guys, but we don't know why they're cops. So I don't like them,

but they're like super cops. They're super cops. It seems like there's some kind of a super antagonism being said in this universe. But at the very beginning, two weeks earlier, they said we don't need alpha core anymore. Yeah.

That was the, what the mayor saying that or that? I guess it was the mayor. I don't know because none of this is ever written in a fucking comic. Well, what if I told you there's going to be an AlphaCore spinoff series? How do you feel about that? I have no way to feel about it because I don't know

if they're good guys or bad. There's a million ways to be gray morally and none of them are decided on in this book. There's a lot of exposition. Now we meet the main bad guy called Darren. Darren. And I only know he's the bad guy because he looks like the bad guy.

Right? Well, he talks tough. Darren must know about this. Yeah, he's like a gang girl. I'm going to go see what's up. And I saw Darren have some sort of history. Well, isn't that kind of intriguing? Yeah.

It's weird, their exchange. They used to be friends, it seems. Yeah, usually. So when he meets Darren, Darren tells him who he is, which you would think would be the other way. If you're going to introduce characters, Isom should identify Darren. The guy that's brand new.

Yeah. And that when the sister was talking to Isom, she should tell him who he is. You always said you would, like, all these things you can easily do to introduce characters, right? Yeah. This is your sister. You always said you would do anything for me.

You'd do anything for me, your sister. Yeah, you've always been the kind of guy who blank this is like simple stuff right yeah then when he meets darren he goes you've always said you would do bad stuff to be rich right and you can change it a little bit but instead it's the other fucking way around and then we have what's the end of the book in my opinion is isom murders a security guard when he gets kicked out of the nightclub that darren runs darren says get this guy out of here he's he's asking me about a girl i don't know anything about this fucking girl get him out of here get out of my club grabs him and punches through his stomach that That's the big guy, right? No, that's just an old black guy. Oh, that guy?

He punches and kills. I say, well, that's a bad guy. Yeah. That's a bad guy now. I know what a bad guy does. That's bad guy stuff. When you get kicked out of a place. Well, it's the evil guys, security guards, right?

So that makes them evil. No, that's not how it works. When the stormtroopers are shooting at Luke and Leia, they're shooting at them, and then they're shooting back and trying to get away. You're not in a guy's house and goes, get this fucking guy out of here. All right, we're going to have to ask you to leave. Murder. That's murder, bro.

Yeah. It's the opposite. So Isom's not so much of a good guy. Well, maybe that makes him kind of an anti-hero Right Maybe if the guy All the guy had to do was say some shit to a woman Yeah

All the security guard had to do was say Hey whore And then if he hit her he'd be like well okay It's the lady and then there's the justification Yeah something little tiny things Yeah So then a big guy called an except Shows up It's the lady, and then there's a justification. Yeah, something. Little tiny things. Yeah. Okay.

So then a big guy called an except shows up. Right. A bigger black guy. Excepts are the super-powered people of this universe. Yes. And Isam says he trained his body so he can handle him. Again, we don't know if he's a superhero or if he's like a Batman, but he knows. What's annoying is that he knows

it works in Spawn because Spawn has no idea what his powers are, so we're learning with him, but Isom already knows what his powers are. Yeah, there's no... It is true in Spawn. It's like, oh, we're learning along with him, and that's fun. Yeah, this one... With Isom, we're kind of... It's a Spawn It's like oh we're learning along With him And that's fun

Yeah this one I saw him work out Just a trick It's like a weird little puzzle box Of like Watching a guy do stuff I kind of think of A character a lot of people

Complain about Like a Rey Skywalker Where you go Why is she capable Of all of these things But he knows Yeah Rey doesn't know

Why she has those powers He knows He knows Yeah He knows. Yeah. Which was infuriating for the audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it goes back to his farm where they don't even say what they're making. They just say resources. Yeah. You can have some mystery.

They're selling widgets on the farm. Yeah. What were you saying? I was gonna say, you can have some mystery around a guy's powers, like he does a cool thing, and then you're like, we'll get to it later, maybe. But, yeah. That's kinda like like the that's like the main hook that's really honestly that's the whole hook of the book is like watch this guy do stuff and try to figure out why and i'm not really gonna tell you it's not a story you gotta wait till the next issue to find out what's going on and i'm like it's not good i think if you get 100 pages to tell the origin story tell me around page 30 yeah i mean if not earlier maybe right

away maybe right well right away is one way to do it but if you really want to be like sneaky about it sure but yeah the fact that you get to the end 100 pages and it's like and maybe next issue i'm going to tell you what all that was about and you're like no you need to tell you need to tell us now well especially if it's like the debut or you need to have like story elements like saying no and like like being at a low moment and then finally agreeing like you need to have like a story in here it's not just like random play it's not just a list of errands that I ran that day to connect the dots. This comic book really edges you for a hundred pages. It doesn't though. Because

some woman is lost and there's no reason to need to get her back. It's just a woman. They don't really explain. Nothing will happen if he doesn't. If he chooses not to do these things. And then he says he's endangering his family by not forget her he eventually

comes back to his sister and says well forget jasmine i'm worried about you now like well then why didn't you wear a mask or a costume or something that superheroes usually will sometimes do because they don't want to affect their family right right it's a very complicated uh well and maybe that's part of the mystery Then he escapes from the hospital No idea why After getting beaten Yes

Right? So he knows why He escaped from the hospital Yeah We don't know why It's a lot of that A lot of that Yeah

Then there's a whole Club There's a whole club. There's a club scene where. It's like Club Merc. Club Merc. Yeah. Where he meets the girl and she doesn't say anything. Like, please leave or you're going to ruin the whole thing.

Right. Or, oh, it's you. Like, you came to save me, but I'm a fine on my own. She says absolutely nothing. He just comes Harasses her He comes and harasses her And then security grabs him And he beats them

For no reason This is the girl He was tasked with saving But he doesn't know If she's actually in danger Yeah And she doesn't say She's in danger

Right She just walks away from him Like he's a stalker Right And then they Security guards grab him At that point you would go Okay bitch

Well you're on your own. And then you would walk away. I guess so. But because of Mrs. Merkin. Blowing her cover. Mrs. Newman from Seinfeld. Mrs. Newman. Yeah.

He's got to do, he's got to find out what's going on. Then he beats the two guys doing their job and runs away from the police. This is a thrilling narrative. Then when he gets into the club and tells all the women that they need to leave or else he'll beat them. Yeah. And a woman says, who is this jackass?

And I thought the same thing. He's kind of an asshole. Yeah. Hey, all you women need to get out of here Or I'll beat you And they seem to be just enjoying a club The people outside are enjoying a night out It's less dangerous than Hollywood Where I used to live at night

Well if this was a typical Hollywood story The drug would be pushing like fentanyl Or something horrible People would be ODing It would be like people junkies in the corner Right right right right Yeah and then It would make sense

And he goes All you fucking degenerates Clear out of here Get out of here I'm gonna kick your ass Right But instead it's just like A club

That he's annoying everyone For having a good time And then he gets in a He gets into a fight With that That big black guy From the beginning again Yeah

And then beats him For no reason Yeah Usually you would like Um if someone would demonstrate, like Rocky trains really hard and then beats the second fight and then wins the second fight. Right, there's a reason that he has the upper hand the second time around. There's always a reason, right? That's important to know about him.

Oh, he's learned his fighting style. Like Picard, oh, there are five lights, right? Like his resolve, he digs deep and is like, oh, I'm going to fucking say it no matter what, even if I don't see it, right? Yeah. None of that. Instead, it's just he got lucky the second time around. He just jumps off a wall.

Well, maybe if he has a wall available to him, that's his power. He's a good wall jumper. Then he has a conversation with his sister about his sister's daughter's dad dying right in front of the little girl. And I thought, well, that's odd. He couldn't wait until she goes to bed or something. And then the little girl says, I miss you so much. And he goes, I'll be here more often. But he already said that he hates the city, and he hasn't been there.

So that's a lie. I don't think lying to a little girl. He doesn't even say even say like well you know the reason i can't come back is blank it's like yeah sure i'll do it well i think now isn't that the whole thing is that he's back he's back you know he went away but why he never and then he goes to a black edna mode from the incredibles who makes all the super suits yeah who doesn't explain why he left being a superhero if he has any powers at all why the edna mode guy has so much money and resources who he's connected to if any if it's even risky for him to be operating with this fucker yeah is this guy on the police radar or something uh as somebody I was talking with, they said, you know what would have made this book great

is if periodically there were like flashbacks to when he was like- No, no, no, don't say flashbacks. That would be bad. Well, if there was like some like occasional snippets or like maybe like old newspaper clippings or something, just like, here's what I saw him used to be. So you think it's a detective story too?

Because I have it written here like Eddie Valiant. We know everything about Eddie Valiant in two fucking montages at the beginning of Roger Rabbit. Right. We know exactly what kind of guy he was. He lost his brother. He's an alcoholic. And I think Eric's trying to write a detective story, it's there's no History or like story At all to it like that's a very

Specific story yeah and if you Want I there's an appeal to the Down on their luck character who got forced Out of what they loved and You know had to retire early or whatever Else yeah but like just Show that that would be people would say it People would connect to the character like much

Quicker I haven't been to the city Since my wife was killed Yeah Oh wow that sucks Even if You don't even have to say Since your wife was killed You can just be like

I haven't been to the city Since that day And she goes like I know what you're talking about And you go Oh there is a pivotal moment Somewhere in this character's history And that's why

They had to quit We're gonna get to it At some point It's obviously What's gonna happen If we don't rescue this girl The whole city's gonna blow up Oh shit Well you do need a cat And a What why they had to quit. We're going to get to it at some point. It's obviously. What's going to happen if we don't rescue this girl? The whole city is going to blow up. Oh, shit.

Well, you do need a cat in a, what do they call it? Cat in the box? Cat in the hat? Something. Anything. There's absolutely nothing here. Nothing. Well, it's all.

You need to say it right away. What's going to happen if we don't do this? Total catastrophe. The trans people are going to take over. Everyone's getting their dicks cut off women's getting the dicks sewn back on them you need what is called a story hook yeah why am i here what am i watching and if the hook is and what i think it is is retired superhero forced out of retirement kind of kind of not of. Not really. Not really. Just kind of. I already blew that.

Yeah, it's more come back and look at this. Retired superhero gets a call from his sister. I swore I would never do this again. Hey, can you come do this again? Damn it.

I never thought you would come and ask me to do this job that the police should be doing. And then nothing even, nothing happens to his family either.

Even though he, even though he threatens this guy who is clearly, clearly the bad guy and we don't know why He seems to be just doing normal stuff Nothing bad happens to Woman sister

Woman niece Their dad could have been killed right there Well I want to give an example Of a great hook Taken a guy Who's retired he has a great amount Of skills it's all built on the fucking hook the hook is simple

he's pulled back in for a very obvious reason he says it right there I have a very particular set of skills oh wow of fucking up people yeah and I can't wait to find out what those skills are and there's a very obvious reason why you've been pulled back in literally your daughter's been kidnapped

and I saw him it's like I'm never going back you know I've been pulled back in. Literally, your daughter's been kidnapped. And I saw him. It's like, I'm never going back. You know, I've turned my back on that shit. Hey, can you go look for this girl? Yeah, I guess so. I'm going to leave this farm. I'm going to leave this farm where we make stuff, resources, where we make resources for people. You have to

make choices. What kind of fucking farm is it? It's not a good hook. You needed a strong Again why not have This sister of his Why not have her go missing That would have been A very strong emotional hook

If hey Isom Your sister has gone missing We think she's with Darren Or something Not Some girl That you kind of know

Newman's daughter Can you check up on her For fuckers Yeah I mean I guess It's supposed to be like Realistic and grounded It's like

I don't know I guess we'll go take a look But you're right Why not just That's not realistic My sister could not Get me to pick her up From the airport

If she If my sister called me And said Can you go check up On this other girl On this friend of our mom's Daughter I would say

Why don't you go Fuck yourself Give her a fucking call Yeah Um Check up on this friend of our mom's daughter I would say Why don't you go fuck yourself Give her a fucking call Let me see if I have anything else here You need a strong hook Did he like being a superhero? What did you think about Yira? I mean nothing

I think about everything in the book is just nothing It's like She's the blonde lady who can fly That's it. They have a little fight. Kind of. And then he gets thrown into a car like a skyscraper off of a building. So I know he has superpowers.

Yes. The little girl says he has superpowers, but he just continues keeping up this fake mystery that he doesn't. Fake mystery that he doesn't Again if this comic Was like 25 Pages long I'd say Okay I assume you're gonna get to it But 100 pages is really long To not give the audience

Anything It doesn't matter there's no story There's no dark knight There's no false Savior there's no sense of like Oh we finally beat that guy Here we go there's no fun and like, savior. There's no sense of, like, oh, we finally beat that guy. Here we go. There's no fun and games to his character.

It's fucking nothing. You guys need to really step up your game if you're going to take on Hollywood. That's it. That's it. That's my fucking review. It needed a second draft. That's it. It did need a second draft.

Don't make the same mistakes in the second one And I guess, you know, part of what drives me nuts And I think it drives you nuts as well Is that there's a lot of these YouTube people Who all day will say This is great, and Hollywood is scared They say Marvel is scared, DC is scared Isom's gonna change the game

And you go, oh, what did you think of the plot And the characters And some of them will go, well, I haven't read it yet. I haven't read it yet. You know, they go, okay. And then some of them have read it, and they go, it's a really solid first try. And you go, well, how are you going to take over Hollywood

with a really solid first try? You're not. Yeah. I would have no problem with this if everybody just said, you know, oh, I really appreciate what he's doing, and, you know, I'm excited to see if he grows as a creator It's the constant hype machine Yeah

Telling me this is the future of independent comics Where I go, well, if that's true, you guys are fucked We're all fucked Yeah And I don't want, again, as a guy who's making independent comics I don't like these guys going out and going like Hey, man, have you seen how great independent comics are getting? You gotta read Ice Sommon.

Someone's gonna read it and they're gonna go, you guys are all nuts. This is the best you have. Sucks. And then all the independent guys are gonna get fucked because we're lying about the quality of what we're putting out, you know? Yeah, Spawn was like, Good!

Oh wow, the guy that killed me is gonna fuck my wife? Wow, that's pretty shitty. Right? The guy that killed me is going to fuck my wife? Wow. That's pretty shitty. Right? God, I better kill Satan really fast before the guy that killed me fucks my wife and becomes the dad to my daughter. Well, that's also what is infuriating. A girl became a whore for some reason. When people compare what Eric's doing to like image comics i go image comics was a bunch of guys who knew how to write and draw like yeah most of them pretty were pretty good at it

yeah this is like a guy's you know celebrity vanity project which is cool and fun it's not cool you're doing it well it's fun for his fans and i'm sure his fans are having fun with it but just like don't lie about like this is changing the game because maybe it will, but it isn't now. They're like, why would the mainstream is going to take notice? I'm like, not of this.

This is trash. This is, uh, if you handed this in at a, at any kind of like, um, Hollywood setting, they would,

it's complete rewrite. They would throw it. They would throw it in the bin immediately And when people are saying like well Marvel and DC Needs to take notice I'm like If you submitted this to Marvel or DC they would go Yeah we can't What are we going to do with this

Like if we put it out and it says buy Eric July We could sell it on that basis alone But if we just put it out as a book no one's going to buy it No You wrote a you tried to write a detective story so you need to like read detective stories i look forward to seeing if eric's creative journey maybe he'll take maybe he'll hire some writer he's hired writers he's hiring chuck dixon so maybe if he just hires other guys to write it it could get there but if he's the ultimate architect

of this uh universe he's created uh he's gotta like sit down and come up with some other ideas Cause everything I'm seeing I'm just like What is exciting about this? No Eric you have to read like basic storytelling You gotta read some books on script writing All of the basic elements of storytelling Were missing from your book All of them

And you have to make choices With these characters Like you can't be. You can't be coy. About. Well you know. He's got some kind of an ankle. Or you know.

Even the doctor in the book. Is explaining to a nurse. Like well you know. You don't. The doctor says. You don't even know. Who's a superhero or not. I'm like.

Well yeah. Well they know. The superheroes know. So. What is it? You never saw the uh the trading cards he put out or even the trading cards they're supposed to reveal like what the character's powers are are so vague and weird yeah where there's like there's this guy dakuman did you see dakuman at the end of the book is it the north the norfolk i liked norfolk i thought it was clever. Okay. It's the same kind of thing.

Like, oh, we need to go to the thing. Yeah, what's going to happen? Basically, there's a guy who's like the watcher of this universe, and he knows what everyone's powers are. But even he, on the card for Isam, it's like, I don't really know what his powers are. I'm like, the watcher of your universe can't figure out what the powers are of your character spider-man does whatever a spider can batman world's greatest detective that's what he is it's a bunch of it's like a detective but what if he had billions of dollars do you see the he's like this but this that's how we Built a millennia of

Storytelling up to this point from Gilgamesh to Howard the Duck that's how we got here I think a lot of novice writers Really get hung up on like yeah mysteries are Exciting but they're they're more Exciting to you because you know the answers The audience doesn't know

Yeah so you have to give them something No you have to give them everything You should give them Give them everything Way more than your Yeah Yeah You can have some stuff

Like Super Killer I'm not giving you everything There's a couple things That I gotta save for the second issue Because otherwise it's all Expository dialogue Sam Beckett Bounces around in time

He's a genius Wow alright You need something. Never deviated from that. Especially if you got 100 pages. You had plenty of time to give something. Oh, man. I couldn't get over the women get out of here or I'll kill you.

Okay. I got a big lecture from some of the independent comic guys saying I need to be nicer to Eric July. Which I don't know why it matters. He has $4 million. Nothing I say matters. I guess they're saying it for my sake they're like oh Vito it's really gonna help you out if you just I mean I don't care call him a genius you need to read like basic storytelling shit like I'll be the one to say it I don't fucking care it's not people are buying people are buying the comic to have like to support like the culture war whatever that's fine but you gotta you have fucking no one will tell you this, except for me, I guess.

You've gotta read this. You have got to read basic movie structure, storytelling shit. I think people have told him this. I think he knows that he fucked up and he can't say it. Yeah. I think he knows that he put out, like, not a great thing. Hopefully, you know, hopefully he's like, all right, I learned something. What is that? Is he breaking into our thing? My phone keeps trying to update some fucking voice thing. Hopefully, you know, hopefully he's like, all right, I learned something. What is that?

Is he breaking into her? My phone keeps trying to update some fucking voice thing. Are you fucking kidding me? Wow. I have my phone on. Dude. Okay. Somehow it's activating Bixby voice.

I don't know what the fuck. All right. Um, anyway, those, those same, uh, comic pros who told me I need to be nicer to Eric July, then went and fuck Alright Anyway Those same comic pros

Who told me I need to be nicer to Eric Then went and called A bunch of other comic pros Pedophiles And I was like Well You do

If you're allowed To call everyone pedophiles You do need to be nicer to Eric I am being nice I'm not I'm I don't I'm not

You don't I don't fucking care about comics I like that And you're not trying to make comics Sure No Yeah You gotta know this shit man care about comics. I like that he... And you're not trying to make comics. Sure. No. Yeah.

You gotta know this shit, man. I am... I think I am... I mean, look, I have my own personal feuds with Eric, and they're completely unrelated to comics. Yeah.

So, let me hate the guy on that level, and then also, his comic sucks, but, I support everybody making stuff.

I really do I just don't want, again There's other guys making stuff that's better And I just want them to get the same amount of recognition And I'm not talking about me Nobody needs to read my shitty comic Leave me alone It better be good

It better be better than that You better have basic elements down Well, you're allowed to read the script, I've told you I don't want to read the script You're going to wait for it Tonyony from hack the movies likes the script okay i think it's good all right maybe i will read it it would be cool finished one let me let me i've changed a couple things there we fucking go all right we have making choices uh i've got notes that are a hundred times more mean well there's a you know we were trying to be uh objective because everyone's gonna accuse us of Choices. I've got notes that are a hundred times more mean than this.

Well, there's a, you know, we were trying to be objective because everyone's going to accuse us of being biased. I already know I'm going to get so much grief for this, even though it's your review. But whatever. Very special episodes. Overpriced or mispriced nostalgia. And whatever your first one was. Very special.

Mispriced nostalgia. Losing shit. Losing shit. Losing shit and making choices. I saw a great indie comic called The Little Merc Maid. It's like The Little Mermaid, but she's got like a gun. Okay. And Sebastian has a knife hand

Oh that sounds cool That looks cool Alright let's play this one Vito It's okay for men to cry No it's not In the bathroom With the door closed

Yes And the door locked Not on a podcast Thank you Fucking communist Thank you That's a good See that's a good Voicemail

Cause they're not Letting me get away With it Yeah They're not letting me Get away with Emotionally manipulating The audience

You don't wanna have A real connection With people That's why you're Saying that I have a I You know what

I love when the fans You know Say hi to me But then I feel guilty I feel guilty Cause I'm like You know I'm trying to say hi

And whatever Yeah And then I'm like I'm like I don't you know I wish I could talk to you all day I honestly wish I could talk To everybody all day expressing Gratitude is like someone Coming to you with a cup that just says fill it

Yeah Schopenhauer Said that I think it's true You know listen Let's just face facts I gotta Say I think Vito might be the greatest Biggest problem haver in the Vito might be the greatest biggest problem haver in the universe he might be the ultimate champion of

gaming the biggest problem system I mean who would have thought crying would have like would basically get you to the number one slot for the week I didn't even win for the week because Dick fucking manipulated it at the end every other week or so with his problems. I mean,

Dick brings in some very good problems. I like the one about the myth of gun violence specifically. Yeah, thank you. I have to give it to Vito on this one here. I was waiting until Dick tweeted out, don't forget to vote. Tough to watch. I had to buy some Super Killer

and then fucking donate to his Kickstarter campaign and upload his problems. How could you not? Other than that, they're all seriousness, man. I hope people don't get too stressed out. Sounds like this topic's a lot more work than all seriousness. No serious voicemail. That's what you should say instead of all seriousness.

Thanks. Goodbye. Thank you. All gayness veto, though. I hope you don't get too stressed out. That's what you should say Instead of all In all seriousness Thanks Goodbye Thank you In all gayness veto though I hope you don't get too stressed out Well guys I'm very excited to be putting out Super Killer I hope Eric reads it

Maybe it'll pick up some tips And uh Don't forget we're almost at 40 I'm not doing this in a mean way I'm telling you why Why it's bad You were put on the spot You know

You were kind of You were kind of goaded into it I mean I don't care Fair enough That's why it's I'm telling you what's wrong with it You gotta make these choices

Ahead of time And you gotta make them I mean I started out from a mean place With it I'm not I like If you remember I started out from

Like yeah why What's your fucking problem Sounds great You were kind of on his side I just I just I was very skeptical Yeah

It's like anybody Who's never written Something before They go It would be one thing If he's like I'm gonna make a comic I would be like

Alright cool But when he goes I'm gonna make a whole Superhero universe And I started thinking About all the guys Who have done that Who have known

How to do that And still failed spectacularly I go well this is A really bad idea yeah Uh just focus on learning How to write one book it's also that what annoys Me is how all these people are like trained to Call me gay because I'm like saying

Well Vito's got I mean this is his argument Like he's saying that you're not gonna topple Marvel with like shitty stories And you're also not gonna set topple Marvel With like shitty stories And you're also not going to set up a parallel Marvel with shitty stories Spawn was a great story And it still didn't topple shit It got on HBO

It was a fucking phenomenon I bought the toys It was fucking great But it still fizzled out Eventually You, madam, are no spawn You're not getting the spawn. I mean, I don't know.

I'm trying to help. Yeah, hire Dick as a ghost writer. No. You can write comics. Honestly? Yeah, you should definitely do that. What? Well, he is hiring writers now, so maybe he is taking the advice.

Man, you can't. I mean, he's hiring Chuck Dixon Who everybody says they like But he's also making It's funny Because everybody So you're all ass blasted about his Q shit Who cares? Q's good story Q is a good story

Bro Trump is gonna mobilize the military And take back the fucking White House That is fucking dope storytelling Maybe Chuck Dixon can still write I don't know I haven't read any of his recent stuff But when I see that a guy is making like

The Clintons are evil comic Book I go the Clintons are evil But like if that's what you're putting out I go I think this guy's kind of like That's awesome though he's kind of fallen off Well yes but that's Yes maybe he can come back Maybe maybe he's still got it in him

The story is still there like Mel Gibson made Apocalypto It's fucking brilliant did you See Like Mel Gibson made Apocalypto It's fucking brilliant Did you see that? Did you see Apocalypto? Sure but Mel Gibson keeps And then the Christian ships come in at the end You're like you gotta be fucking kidding me Right?

The ultimate deus exo One of the funniest things about the old show Was the ad reads It would be a little bit different Because Vito is actually self aware Enough to do something was the ad reads. It would be a little bit different because Vito's actually self-aware enough to do something funny with ad reads rather than thinking that he's like the brand ambassador who needs to

sell you on a fucking Casper mattress. Yeah, yeah, that's true. But yeah, you should do ad reads for sure. It would be really funny. And I like it When you make money Because then you're funnier Let's do ad reads

Well Dick Has your mattress Been treating you right Because right now From Boland Branch You're going to get Boland Branch sheets Use promo code

Biggest problem And you're going to Sleep like a baby On Boland Branch That's B-O-L-L A dead baby I only remember That was always the Howard Stern

ad reads. He was always doing Bowling Branch. Alright, here you go. Holy fucking shit. Episode 90 is the greatest fucking thing I've ever seen. No. We laughed, we cried, and Vito dropped some fucking fire. Jesus fucking Christ, Vito.

That was fucking dope as shit. I should not have rapped. Eggie respond. That pussy. Check your email. I told someone to clip it if they could. Jesus fucking Christ That was fucking dope as shit Can you respond? That pussy Check your email I told someone to clip it if they could I remembered why I don't rap Is because for the rest of the week Everybody's like that rap was incredible

And I'm like I literally can't watch it Because I'm worried that I like fucked up or I flubbed the line How do you fuck up a rap? I think at one point I said Uh What was I saying? I think I was saying I was trying to say dropping

Lines or dropping Rhymes But it sounds like dropping limes And now I'm just like I said dropping limes In the South Pacific dropping limes It's like close enough that I got away with it But I'm just like, dropping lines. I said, dropping lines in the South Pacific, dropping lines. It's like close enough that I got away with it, but I'm like,

I did hear that dropping limes. You fucking piece of shit. What is wrong with you? Do you have a weird fucking thing in your head? The whole audience is going to say, Oh, you're going to drop your limes. You dumb piece of shit.

How are you so neurotic? I don't know. Like anyone fucking cares. The whole audience right now. You're going to be like, I'm Vito. I'm here to say I'm Vito. Stay in school, kids. And I'm here to say.

Don't be gay. What do you call it? Yeah. I'm like, the whole audience right now is laughing because I said dropping limes. At you. At me. At you because you said dropping lines. I flubbed it.

That was pretty good. Actually, I did think it was pretty good when I listened to it again. It was great. If only Eggie would respond, that pussy. I kind of want to do some rap stuff. I have a rap. I have some rap stuff that I might do. Parasocial relationships, vote them down because you guys

are the only reliable thing in my week, so fuck you Vito. And instead of saying, hey, this podcast I listen to, the guy was telling me about this story. I just gave this guy I know told me this crazy thing about this thing that happened to him.

Because it saves a lot Of fucking time In a conversation My buddy Vito Was saying the other day I know I talked to him And I didn't meet Any of my friends anyway So fuck you Vito Cry more you sad

Sack of shit Because I'm Parasitingly Social off of you I was hanging out With my friends You guys can say slurs And then I'll go

Whoa Whoa I can't believe that Right Yeah I think that's how it works What a show we got huh We got a dedicated audience What were you saying about your friend

My friend Dick No you were saying My friend And then something I was saying Where is his friend Cause when he brings us up

In conversation Yeah That guy's my friend Yeah say That's my best friend And then get busted for it Wasn't that on that podcast? Wait a minute. Isn't this the guy you were talking about was your friend

and you're like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. All you have to do is send me one direct message on Facebook or Twitter and that means the friendship is real. Yeah, then say, yes, those are my friends. Yeah, those are my friends. If anybody calls me or DMs me, I'll say, yeah, I know that guy. I'm gonna make, you know what, I'm gonna lean into the parasocial relationship and I'm gonna make Vito Gisualdi

friendship cards. And if I send you one You're legally allowed to tell people you're my best friend And it's $19.99 For a Vito Gisualdi friendship pass And they come free with Super Killer So if you buy Super Killer You get a free friendship pass Holy shit

What? You're running the show all right okay i know people that come to your show are there because they want to be a part of your show sure i mean the biggest problem i mean your comic your life whatever it is you're doing and again don't think that you're manipulating people you're running a show and it's totally voluntary. Anyone that wants to be there are people that... I gotta go to the bathroom. You want to give me the mouse?

As long as you're being honest about... Alright, alright. This is way too... Thank you. Indiegogo support. Let me hear this one. The biggest problem in the universe is when you support a project at Indiegogo And already buy the product

And they email you That you need their support Well they need your support anyway To buy the fucking product Vito Okay what do you want me to do I have a mailing list for the comic It tells me when I send an email

It says 30% of the people read the first email So then I send a mailing list for the comic It tells me when I send an email It says 30% of the people read the first email So then I send a second email I don't think I have a way to feed it The emails of people who have already bought the comic If you're on the mailing list You're going to get a couple more emails Telling you to buy the comic Why don't you just use that moment

To go tell other people to buy the comic Let's see New no no now friends hey veto just calling to let you know because i spent 25 on a comic book that doesn't exist yes we are now best friends that's how it works anything goes wrong like your youtube channel gets deleted you will have ruined my life. So don't fuck up, buddy. Bye. I'll try my best.

I'll try my best. Thank you, sir. One more. Tip included. I don't know what to call this. I've never seen this shit before. Just went to to some, like, four-star-ish restaurant. Got some lamb shank, some au gratin potatoes. Bill comes back.

And the bill comes, and it's $60-some. I'm like, yeah, that seems reasonable. And then I'm going through the itemized bit of the bill. They included a 20% tip. They'll do that. Included. Okay, whatever. 20% tip. Cool'll do that. Included. Okay, whatever. 20% tip.

Cool, I don't have to tip you. I get this fucking receipt back, and there's a place on there for additional fucking tip. What in the fuck is this? This is like a weird scam. They just assume people are going to give you that $60.

Yeah, the additional tip when they've already tipped you. Or they've tipped themselves. Well, yeah, because maybe you want to give more. It's like a fucking un... Well, they, yeah, because maybe you want to give more. Well, they shouldn't have done the mandatory tip to begin with. I saw a tip. It is self-service checkout.

Really? Yeah, just give a tip to Whole Foods or whatever. Well, just give your money away. I mean, that's all we do now. The only way to make money is to beg for it. Go to Indiegogo where you can purchase Super Killer. How about this for a note?

Big black guy, the superpower black guy. Give him laser eyes. I've wanted to kick your ass since grade school. Dude, like the handshake from Predator. You son of a bitch. Boom! That says... You know a lot there. Alright. Give us a

newspaper clipping. Something. Local Give us a newspaper clipping. Something. Local man wins superhero diving competition. With a cigarette. All right, guys. We're going to do. You can fix every page of that story. You can't do it now. Just redo it.

Just move on. Re-release it. Honestly, maybe. Yeah. Don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. And don't forget to check out the bonus episodes available at patreon.com slash biggestproblem and back.by slash biggestproblem. Yeah, back.by slash biggestproblem.

Do it. Some people tell me that I do a radio voice. I'm like, I only do it as a goof sometimes. Like that. That was like a fun voice. What do you mean? Do your radio voice. Hey, you're listening to The Biggest Problem in the Universe on KRX 9.5.

We got Dave Matthews tickets coming up on the hour. Call 695-959. You're going to be backstage with Dave Matthews sucking his dick. Fucking his shit. His bandmates are going to shit in your mouth. You're going to shit in his mouth. Now do your regular voice. I'm going to kill myself. Shit and his band mates are gonna shit in your mouth. You're gonna shit in his mouth now do the Do your regular voice? I'm gonna kill myself

Now I see why you do if you don't buy my car I see why you do Fake when you're not gonna kill yourself, that's weird people think well Yeah, when I'm energetic or something That I'm putting on Sometimes I put on Like a fun affectation Yeah but what do they want Like just a guy Talking about getting coffee Is that a bad thing

I don't know I don't know I understand People don't want Like there are like podcasts I guess where like You know the guys are fake The whole way through

Yeah But you know That's not this show We're like pretty real I cried I broke the illusion whole way through. Yeah. But you know, that's not this show. We're like pretty real. I cried. I broke the illusion. There's no subterfuge left in me.

Cool for five. Dick and Vito, I'm glad you guys have stuck around with utmost sincerity. Thank you both. Thank you audience for not killing yourselves.

I got a lot of debt. Don't worry about it. Gun Ranger for 50. Dick, now that Vito has gotten you into comics, you should check out Why the Last Man.

It's a satire about one man surviving. I've read that. I've read it. In a post-apocalyptic world where only women survived. Yeah, it's great. He wants your take on it, and you say it's great. Vito, thank you for not doing you know what. Thank you, Gun Ranger.

Yeah. I've read some of it. I didn't finish it. I didn't like it. You didn't like it? Why? I don't know. I couldn't get into it for some reason. It's been a while since I read it. Why didn't like it. You didn't like it? Why? I don't know. I couldn't get into it

for some reason. It's been a while since I read it. Why? That's interesting. Why didn't you like it? Why did I not get into it? Why did you not get into it? Because it's definitely not what I would see as a world with just one man.

They're still driving around and stuff still works. It was like an ultimate beta I felt like it had its moments but like ultimately the character was not interesting to me and there was a lot of his sister who was not interesting to me okay and also the idea of the one guy who survived his mom was the president United States I'm like well that's kind of coincidental in a stupid way ah whatever it just felt at least it's a choice it wasn't my it was a choice it's got a

it's got a hook he doesn't know who I work for like well who do you fucking work for when someone asks me what why the last man is about I can say it's like planet of the apes but all the apes are women nailed it there you go.

Reagan for $27.99 Canadian. Money for the call to prayer or beer or Q-tips. Let's put it towards Q-tips. Proctress for $20.52. I really enjoyed last week's episode. This is money counted against a call to prayer. Oh, okay. It's going backwards now.

Okay, good, good, good. But here comes James Gardner with a big $49.99 on the board for the banned man and God's favorite son, Vito, a call to prayer. Yes, yes, yes. What have we not talked about in Pokemon? This man stole the Charizard! He stole them!

How dare you! Lower! Lower than all other forms of evil! To steal the short print out of the box like you get to heaven and Allah bless you with 72 virgins, but they're gone. No blessing. No blessing for you.

Not haram. Stealing the blessing of the Charizard. The shiny Charizard was for all of Allah's children having audacity to go into shop trying to sell booklet of shiny Charizard as if no one knows where they came from. You're as dumb as the dumbest camel in the desert. This is as bad as magic

sending Pinkerton to your house to take back card they accidentally sent to you. Is this man. Is not Haram. You will not pass through Mecca. What's next? Take second, this card. Second, this card unravels entire

concept of collectibles. Those cards are for all of our last children. The shiny challenge on EXGX VMAX was for all of the children. I got nothing left. There you go. Low note for five.

Dick, I had plumbing problems here this week. 50 cents and 30 minutes later, it's all fixed up. Just had to let you know. Smoochies. He got it fixed for 50 cents. Mike Hunt for five Australian dollars. Three minute workout overhead press. Supplementated palm pull down leg press.

One set to momentary muscular failure each exercise. Do them slow once a week. I'm on it. Cougar Hughes for five. Just got a new job. Here's all the money I made this week. Wow. Gobble, gobble, Cougar.

Hand it over. What are you, working at the cock-sucking factory? Whoa. Wow. That is a hard-hitting diss, I tell you what. Pop quiz for $9.99. It says, wow. Wow.

Antagonist for five. Awesome intro today. Hopefully, Vito cries again so you get more Super Chat money to put into the show. Great to see the production value going up. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Did we get more money last week when you were crying? Yes, we got a lot of Super Chats last week. Let's hope that this week, guys yeah if you do not super chat intensely

you're gonna get more we will not cry i will not cry which is what you apparently want yeah more crying preston s for two not having autism is my superpower big smoke for 9.99 yo veto can we get another freestyle the last one was a banger if you could work tbf into it that would be pretty cool not for 9.99 red Red Veil for $5. Ethan Schmidt chokes other guys' chickens. What does a freestyle cost on this show, Dick? You're the one fucking freestyling. It's got to be like $100 fucking bucks.

Jesus Christ, those are humiliating. I don't know. Umpty Madoo for $2. Semi-glutide is just rebranded. Diabetes meds, LMAO. It works. A lot of drugs start off as other drugs. I mean, rebranded, like off-label

Like not What are you Showing us that you Know of it before What are you talking about Oh, it's actually just off-label used for that Yeah, I mean, great Wikipedia looking up Bro

Yeah, I don't know what that information is useful for Why are you laughing your ass off about that? A lot of drugs are used for their not intended purpose. Yes. And that's the FDA. Because they make you do all this shit to get a drug to use. You're like, oh shit, that works for this? Well, let's use it for that.

Yeah. There's a lot of that. That's like the whole pharmaceutical industry. Brits man for two, would you rather get banned for saying the F or N slur? I don't think I want to get banned for either. I don't see a use there. I don't care. I say them both all the time.

King N64 1994 for five. Who had it worse the last week? Vito's breakdown or the Lolliesburg graph getting hacked, showing everyone the dangers of unencrypted DMs. I got to see what they were saying about me over on post. I want to know. You want to look? I can get my.

Yeah, bring it up. You don't have to show me now. You can show me some other time. I can show you next week. Yeah, next week I want to see all the stupid. I look for me. There's a lot. Apparently there's one guy who's sickly obsessed with you and DMing everybody about it.

Yeah. These people live sad, weird lives. And he's like sending, he sent everybody he talks to a picture, like pictures of his tattoos, new tattoos, like the same pictures going like, check it out. Don't you think that's cool? Oh, man. These guys got to like, just go live your lives, man. Stop obsessing over internet people.

Mike Hunt for two. Australian wants a clutch cargo Rodney Dangerfield. Not a bad idea. Not bad. Yeah, but I can do the face just as good. So why do you need a Why do you need a Yeah, you're really nailing it.

Me 04120 for two. Says Vito, don't Q-tip the dog. No! Maddie's fine. I won't Q-tip her. Steve for two. Vito tears Wally. She knows how to defend herself against that. No, I could.

No, she gets, the dogs try to rape her all the time, so she knows. Yeah, but I'm very coercive. I have a way. I have a way. I don't know. Mike on for two. Nice hat, Vito. Thank you.

Warren for two. Vito jizz whaling. Fuck you. Pop quiz for 199. Does Super Killer cry? Does he? I have not written any crying scenes for Super Killer He's gotta cry He doesn't

Not like tears He gets like a Why? No, eventually Why? Issue 50 He's gotta cry He'll cry at some point

We all cry David Gomez for five Even in the wake of a wave of support Vito can find something wrong with it Love you F slurs Yeah Stop it Yeah you did complain about

Too much support Well cause it's gonna fuck up the show You can't Okay Look if we have a little Fucking Vito hug box every week It's gonna become weird Alright

So I have to say something stupid To piss everybody off again Okay Let me say something like to piss everybody off again. Okay. Let me say something like pedophilic or, you know, something. No one believes it now. Now you've messed up the pedophile thing. Ragging for 220 Canadian.

Vito Tierswalde. Okay. Nailed it. Vito the wig for 1999. TBF. Most people don't understand the difference between ask and sell. Only Vito and he will die on that rock. Yeah. People are trying me with these prices Mike hunt for five Australian I'm a clinical psychologist Vito cried because he has Munchausen like a youtuber lying about having blood cancer for pity boogie I thought about it. I thought about faking a cancer

Oh, yeah, but I got all the sympathy for doing the normal thing. So I don't have to do it. I cry Yeah, geez, it's a little way too easy Yeah, I don't get the go fund me money, you know when you get the cancer and the sympathy for doing the normal thing, so I don't have to do it now. All you have to do is cry. Yeah, geez, it's a little way too easy. Yeah. Although I don't get the GoFundMe money, you know, when you get the cancer and the GoFundMe money. Yeah. Enchiladas unbreaded for 10. Y'all laughs are the best. Thanks.

I agree. What's your laugh? Ha! Look at him. Mine is. Why? That's what your laugh sounds like. My laugh sounds like Neil Hamburger going, why?

It's the same tone. What a horrible super chat you did, enchiladas and breaded. D for $50 Australian dollars. Call for prayer for the downfall of post and the Muppets that run it. We're going to, oh, we're getting a double? Oh! It reminds me of the great time lapse when Arsah fighting with Moshiva over the time warp device. Yes, brother. the power stars,

combined together, this struggle across 30 years, 40 years of Magic the Gathering, is nothing compared to Ash Ketchum, taking his six Pokemon, through to the... For the... Glory Road, Victory Road!

It is like a... Pulse is like a Getty. Pulse is like a Getty. Gareth is like a... Pulse is like a Gary. Pulse is like a Gary. Gary is like a Gary, except also a pedophile, but a worse sort of pedophile than Mohammed. Mohammed pedophile. Mohammed pedophile, obviously. Mohammed pedophile. Mohammed pedophile.

But Gary, most... Gary's bad pedophile. ...most worse pedophile who could not secure a web server. That's Mohammed. Zero web server hacked. Gary from Pokemon rival of ash Gary zero web server One so much worse

Leave tiny anime girl alone gruff Okay, gear tooth cartoons for $4.99. Thank you for your service in acknowledging that ISOM is garbage. Is it ISOM or ESOM? Whatever. P.S.

90% of the positive reviews are about the culture war not the book's quality. I agree. Jim Satala for $1.99. I read ISOM. It's Shaft goes to a pride parade. Shaft had more character development.

Shaft had more going on. There's no character arc at all. He comes in and he has no suit for no reason. Right. And then he gets his suit back up for no fucking reason. Like, that's when you go, oh, man, they killed my sister. They kidnapped my sister's fucking daughter. I have to get this suit back on no matter what.

You don't just go, hey, what's up, man? Yeah, you're the only one that ever returned anything. Oh, yeah, you still have my fucking suit back? Yeah, you want like a, you got any fucking things you want to do on this time? Yeah, man, make it like the Impervious of fucking Falls, man. Well, maybe he knows he's going to be doing more fighting, so he needs that big suit back. Trash.

Endless trash. Jefferson for 999, I love you guys. We love you, Jefferson. You're my son. John Riffs for five, super killers should fight isot, isotronic exercises,

or Jesus with the help of Black Joker and maybe the self-kill squad or Greenland group. I am fighting every urge in my body to put Eric Geline getting his head blown open in my comic. And I'm not going to do it. So don't worry about it. Or ISOM or whatever else. I think it would be cheap and beneath me.

I mean, yes, it would be. Way too stupid. It's too obvious. I'm just explaining why it's bad. Okay? That's all. And I don't want to blow Eric Geline's head open. We can't just celebrate I don't want to blow Eric July's head open We can't just celebrate this

Like middling Uh It's the same as the Gina Carano cowboy movie Trash Like every All the reviewers are like Yeah this is like

Complete It's like oh you can set up The Daily Wire Plus Cause you want to show Disney We're gonna dethrone Disney Cause we hired Gina Carano Who already can't act And put her in a fucking

Cowboy movie And it's like no I don't want to fucking see that This is terrible Yeah Like if people told me Like no it's actually really good i would watch it but don't be saying that the only thing they're saying is like oh it's you know the culture war we got to build our own hollywood okay you guys got the glad handing and the ass kissing right

but then when you actually make something you have to tear it apart behind the scenes that's why that's why you glad hand an ass kiss. Yes. Because that part's so brutalizing. I don't think they, I don't, and I also think, you know, you're kind of right. They're like, conservatives, I think, have a problem with being critical. Is that weird? Is that a weird thought? No, that's true. I think liberals are like way more like, yeah, you fucked up and here's why.

Where current conservatives are like, no, dude, we're going to gonna win this is like a great fucking idea 100 yeah yeah liberals are like like i don't feel very good about that that's probably there's also a lot of self-doubt from liberals where we go this is probably shit please tell me what i did wrong yeah because conservatives are like i'm gonna fucking dominate the culture war this is better if jesus could have written a comic i'm gonna put put Jesus' symbol right on my dick. There's a lot of... Yeah. The hell was that?

I still don't know why he has a cross on his dick. I assume he's like Christian or Catholic or something. Eric is a... I forget what he calls himself. A radical Catholic or a... Some sort of Catholic. Catholic anarchist I like Nicolas Cage

I'm not getting a tattoo of him On my penis Big smoke for $9.99 Vito my parents died in a car wreck Not wearing their seatbelt I get that it rubs on your teeth Don't laugh at that I get that it rubs on your

He said it as a joke Teeth or whatever But if you die We don't have a show Yeah but like Wouldn't If I died like tragically Wouldn't that be the best ending to the show? No.

Like, isn't the best part of the original biggest problem that it just ended without warning? It literally didn't just end. It's been going for me. It's been going for seven years after it ended. Right, but like, how awesome is the drama of just like, Dick couldn't be here this week. The show's over. You mean because you died? Yeah.

Or you died. It'd be interesting. I'd have a funeral stream every week. At Friday at six, right? Just dressing all black. Yeah. I wish Vito had worn his seatbelt. I'd have a Vito puppet.

You should have a Vito puppet Aaron Wentworth 550 Canadian You need a new sound effect For everyone starts a rebuttal With I mean Dick mentioned it before And I can't unnotice it now Please stop

Yeah sorry Jim Satala For 499 What are LBGT friendly clothes Aren't they all designed by the gays I thought all designers Since Hugo Boss Were gay To prevent Nazism rising again. It's true.

All your clothes are already gay and probably satanic. So just, like, get over it. The satanic thing is so fucking dumb. Dude, we can't even get into it because it's just driving me up a wall. Maybe next week. Private for $220. I love you, too, and I wish you both well. Thank you.

Thanks. Mike Hunt for 5, Australian. The AIDS episode of Captain Planet was pretty good. Vermilious scum was ruining a kid's reputation by telling everyone he had AIDS, which he did. Remember when they fought Hitler? Remember when Captain Planet couldn't fight Hitler because Hitler was too evil? Yeah. And evil is more powerful than pollution.

It's the worst kind of pollution. Mind pollution. Yeah. Pop quiz for $4.99. The only thing that makes its special episodes worse is when it's two parts. Yeah. Flip and dip for $10. Vito, I had no illusions that you were saying you were going to kill yourself as a character.

I always believed you were three bent magic cards from jumping off a bridge. Man, I'm pretty close. King N64 for five. If Vito is going to edit episodes, will Dick release the uncucked version again? No, I'm not going to leave the files around. They're just going to get cucked. You'll never know. Umptimidoo for two. Dick,

that was the Animaniacs movie, Wacko's Wish. That's the one where Dot was dying. Oh, it was? I have no idea. I don't know. Wacko's Wish. I don't think that was Is that what he said In the last comment? Umpti Madu? Yeah Dick

That was the Animaniacs movie Let's see Umpti Madu Oh you just passed it Up It's in blue Semi-glutide He said something about

Oh he did? Yeah Did I pass it again? No you already What are you doing? Where am I? Go up What button? What are you doing? Where am I? Go up. What button?

What are you trying to find? I'm trying to find Umpty Madoo's last comment. It was on the screen and I was reading it and then you scrolled away from it. Go up more. Okay. It's in blue. There's no need to yell. Well, if we had to...

Dick, that was the... That's what I just fucking saw. I was trying to find his first comment. His first comment was you talking about Animaniacs and dot getting her fucking stomach twisted It was I think he's responding to that. Okay. Hold on. Let's get to the bottom of this He didn't bring up animaniacs any other time. No, that's what he said semi-glutide is just rebranded diabetes meds That has nothing to do with

I'm so confused. Can we just move on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Move on. Private. Umpteen Badoo, two bucks is not worth this fucking giant waste of time. Got a new job and I'm on a new adventure, says Private. I'm eager to be...

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. You almost got me, but no. That was close. He's eager to be... That was close. Vito the wig for $4. Nope. You almost got me, but no. That was close. He's eager to be asked.

That was close. Vito the wig for $4.99. Vito's weight gain is pent-up water weight waiting to burst from his oculus region. Crying. It's true. Manny Muskets for two. All of Vito's problems are just him hating himself. It's not all my problems.

It's not all of them. Isn't that all problems, though? That's all problems. That's all problems. That's all problems. Ride Dogs for five Family Matters had the episode Where someone spray painted

The N word on Laura's locker Oh yeah It's been a while Since I saw that one They had some good ones back then Vito the wig for five The store was just trying TBF to the customer

Yeah Nice try Koof for two Vito is the hedgehog's dilemma Epitomized Thank you for not killing yourselves I'm not looking that up For two bucks Koof I'll tell Vito, is the hedgehog's dilemma epitomized? Thank you for not killing yourselves. I'm not looking that up for two bucks, Koof. I'll tell you what it is.

What is it? Hedgehogs have spikes. So the closer they get to each other, the more they hurt each other. It's kind of like people. Hedgehogs have spikes? I thought that was porcupines. Hedgehogs also have spikes. But do they come out and kill you?

No. I mean, like they hurt. I mean, hedgehogs also have spikes but do they come out and kill you no i mean like they hurt i mean hedgehogs can cuddle me and tony have been arguing about this it's a major theme in evangelion all right and he goes well hedgehogs don't actually hurt each other if they get close it's a whole thing aaron wentworth for 550 canadian says vito you cried so hard i upped my super killer pledge from 35 to 75. Wow! Why not go to 150, buddy? Keep going. Nitro for a big $20 says, cry again, please. It was funny.

No. Jake Hesburgh for $9.99. Hi, Vito. Last episode left a big impact on me. I'm glad that with this $10 super chat, I can call you my dad. I plan to follow in your footsteps in trying to accomplish my dreams until I die at 40. Thank you so much.

Yeah, there's nothing good after 40. Hopefully I last a little longer than that. Riley Edwards for 550 Canadian. Weigh Vito today. I want to see him cry again. Fuck you. Nick P for five. Vito versus Wings when?

I'm not doing any of that stupid celebrity boxing shit. It's all gay. Eric M for Sek Kroner 20 $2 don't worry Vito I will always be rude to you Thank you Mark Jackson for 20 Hey Vito

Sorry to bring up the last episode again but you melting Down is pretty relatable a close Friend of mine killed himself recently So it's been rough okay Take my money and thank you guys for not super killing yourselves. See, this is what I meant about ruining the show. Nobody, look,

I'm, this, and it's, I'm, thank you for sharing. This is like Life of Brian stuff. Like, you're like, you're rejecting the, like, you're following storytelling. We're doing a comedy show, okay? This is the refusal to call. I don't.

If you want to come to me about your friend killing yourself, do it in private. It's fine. It's great that you did it, and it's on theme. Moving forward. Why are you policing the way they're sharing their grief? Because I'm worried it's going to become a thing. You non-consensually shared your grief with everyone. I think it fits this episode. I think here it's going to become a thing. You non-consensually shared your grief with everyone. I think it fits this episode.

I think here it fits. In the future, if I get super chats that are like, hey, my dad took a shotgun and blew his head off. Thank God I have your show. Come up with the saddest story you can to see if we believe it or not. I destroyed the show because now everybody thinks. What, that you're a human being? What do you want?

It's perfect What would you prefer? Honestly, Mark, look Lots going on in the world, I tell you what Uh-oh Thanks for sharing with us And we deeply appreciate it And I have ruined the show by emotionally revealing myself to you guys

I get this in the same room You see how valuable this is for me? Like, these guys, they love it. They're so far away listening like remotely. I get it like right into the vein. Yeah, you're getting all sorts of parasocial. You guys would love to be me right now. In the last week, like, oh, yeah.

We should offer the parasocial fan experience. You get to sit over there. They would mess it up. I'll look you in the eyes. Because you'd be all weird and different. You aren't allowed to talk. The Apprentice 007 for five. You go into space in Final Fantasy VIII.

Yep. The location is the lunar base on disc three. Yep. Vito is a fake fan. I knew it. That is like the emotional climax. I never beat Final Fantasy VIII because it gets really hard at the end. So maybe I didn't get to that part.

It does get hard. Well, every time I try to beat it, my save gets corrupted. So maybe I'll try it again. Okay, so it went from being hard to your fucking technology not working. Yeah, I would try to emulate it. And there's a known bug where when you're in the fucking Minotaur maze, which I think is an optional dungeon, you can't progress past a certain point. I beat it on the PS1.

Well, I got to the last boss on the PS1, and then I couldn't beat it, and I gave up in disgust because I'm a failure. Because you were a child. Yeah. I was a 16-year-old boy. You had time to grind. I didn't have time to grind. All right. Ultra Water for 550 Canadian.

F-Q hat people. I don't know what that means. I love when they fall over or cry on airplanes. Did you mean fat people? I think so. Okay. Fantastic. Rakita Law, what the fuck are you doing here? Vito is the biggest problem by

circumference, not gonna lie, with $50 on the board. $50. Am I allowed on Nick's show? I don't know anymore. I don't know. All his guests fucking hate me, so it's like, I don't want to cause trouble. Yeah, but if anyone offers you love, you just reject it and shit on them.

So what do you expect? It's funny to do that. Thank you, Nick. Nitro for 10. Lol, that dude's friend killed himself. That's the kind of show that we're putting on here, folks. How did he do it? Oh, that's horrible. ASE presents for $50 American dollars. Thanks for demystifying Indie Comics, boys. That we're putting on here folks How did he do it? Oh that's horrible ASC presents

For 50 American dollars Thanks for demystifying Indie comics boys Great media analysis Thank you Ryan Long for 9.99 Oh sorry Ryan Young

Last episode was amazing Like 8 mile But better There was a whole There was a whole There was a whole Three arc That's the end of that

You won the rap contest, sir. And all the black people were like, oh, man. All the black guys were just watching him cry. Oh, shit, dog. Chief Bingus for 999, choked on my food watching you all rip the Isom comic. Funny stuff. Please push the beef further. Well, Eric will tell you there is no beef, that any beef is in our eric will tell you there is no beef that

any beef is in our minds i assure you there's no beef i'm telling you why the comic is not good yeah uh i just want to make that clear i'm i like eric i like what eric has done but if you have so much money you need to make a better comic and this is how you do it you have to make choices you have to to determine the theme of your book is it good versus evil is it a mystery if it's a detective move it's a if it's a detective book which i think it is then you have to look at like like sherlock holmes everybody who goes to sherlock holmes knows that they're going to the greatest detective that there is who does anything. Like, Sherlock Holmes, everyone's fucked me around.

You can solve this, right? He's like, well, you know, maybe I fucking will. It would be interesting if, like, we didn't know who he was or why they were going to him. No, no, it wouldn't be then. It wouldn't be then. You've got a detective story that's being run by the Punisher who thinks he has powers, but he doesn't. Or who doesn't. No, no, no.

You have a detective story and the main character is acting like the Punisher who believes he doesn't have superpowers, but he does. It's like Don Quixote mixed with Super Grover. I think that's right. Okay. You figured out what it is? Yeah, that's what it's like. It's like Don Quixote who's pretending like he's in a delusional reality. But he also thinks that he's there to fix problems that don't exist.

That's what the comic is. I just wanted to say that for me, I'm taking a big risk making a comic because my brand is shitting on movies and TV shows that are bad and explaining why I think they're bad. So if my comic is bad, it calls into question

all the videos I've made on that topic. I disagree. You think what? Criticism and criticism? Because Roger Ebert made a shitty movie and his reviews. There's still, yeah, but that's still, the movie was a mistake. And it did call it. The Red Letter Media made a shitty movie and their.

True. Their reviews are still good. I'm just saying, I look at Eric as a guy who does the same and it does make you go, well, you're criticizing all these guys for sucking, but then, like, you sucked, so. It's fine. Just do better. Yes. Do better than the next one.

Do better. Like, retcon it. He's not going to retcon it. Well, he's going to make, he's got a whole. Blackcon it. Whatever you got to do. I wouldn't make a whole universe until you nail the issues with your main hero, but, you know, whatever.

Explain without looking it up what the hero's journey is. Just look at it, read it, until you can explain the whole thing without looking it up. It has a hero's journey. No, it does not. I want to find out what happened to this girl

because my sister's worried about her. I'm the master of both worlds. I'm wearing my thing. Spider Eternal for two. How much do we donate to make Vito cry again? How much you got? Yeah, we'll figure it out. Ray J for $4.99.

Vito, I heard you made up with P-Awful. That guy seems to be... Oh, he almost TBF'd me. Oh, he almost got it. Koo for five. This ISOM review is giving me flashbacks to Dick and Randy's review of Denzel's hangover ripoff screenplay. Are we going to get weekly Dick reviews? I think I remember you guys talking about that.

Was that screenplay not solid? Well, no. It was just the guy that wrote The Hangover again. And then I wanted to make a movie called Blackout that was The Hangover, but with black guys. That sounds pretty good. Blackout? That's a great title. Yeah, Blackout, right?

Fuck, that's a really good title. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, well. Let's ride it. Well, we can't ride it. We gotta get a black guy. We can be black.

We know enough about those guys. Yeah, I know. We can kickstart it We could drink Hennessy You know And rap any chilling You can rap I can drink

Whatever I know the black experience Between your drinking And my rapping I'm gonna say We have about 90% Of the black experience covered I'll go to any black club in town

I'll drink Kvasie Until I fucking I'll drink Kvasie Of any one of out drink Kavassia of any one of you motherfuckers. We can just find one guy who knows how to play basketball and another guy who knows how to not tip at restaurants. We have an entire writing staff. Let's get it

together. Mike Hunt for two. I don't work for tunes. Yeah. David Gomez for five. Eric made a black superhero that runs from the police and threatens women. TBF, maybe he's dipping into nonfiction. Well, I mean, that was a little when he came in and said, even women, I'll kick your ass, too. I'm like, man, this is not like. There's a lot going on.

You're not a good guy at this point. He's a complicated antihero. Claptrap to Destroyer for 20. That Paris social relationship problem hit hard. I've been a longtime supporter of Dick and wienered out of saying what's up to him at the Long Beach show since I didn't feel cool enough. Guys, you can say hi and we love you. No, no, no.

That's good. Like, think about it's like a boss for you. Like you can bulk up. Well, the weird part is that I'm now developing a montage. You can have pictures of me in your house. Like, hi, what's up? Hi, what's up? Like, I need a montage Right promise the pair social relationship goes both ways because now all these fans are messaging me and I'm going I fucking love these

guys man It's it's toxic and it's something's wrong with I don't know. I love all you guys Yeah, see Nick says he'll do it Nick says what that he'll be our black guy good. We need him. Oh Wait go up. Where are the new ones? Maddie, like How'd these all get screwed up? They didn't get screwed up Okay, Maddie

Mike Hunt 2 says Maddie, like Maddox C. Villa No, my dog's name is Maddie Ross From True Grit Fair enough C. Villa for 10 Let me get this straight, Vito

Your Kickstarter is only for one issue for the entire comic not the entire comic and eventually you need a Kickstarter for the next part seems sustainable well everybody else is fucking doing it and I don't necessarily have to do it I mean don't think of it as a Kickstarter think of it as a pre-order for the future ones like the future ones book should be a story it the future ones Your book should be A story It is a story The book should be it's own story With additionally

The next one's another story The book needs to have All the parts It needs to have a climax It needs to have a falling action It needs to have a denouement It needs to have all these things in it That's what you're paying for My book has all that Falling action. It needs to have a denouement. Like, it needs to have all these things in it.

That's what you're paying for. My book has all that. It is a complete story that has a great little cliffhanger. Where do we go next, folks? So, yeah, enjoy it. TV for $1.64 New Zealand dollars puts, what is that, french fries? Popcorn. Ooh, popcorn. Puts, what is that, french fries?

Popcorn Ooh, popcorn TV for $5.50 New Zealand dollars Puts a tiny Gorilla, man Gorilla attacking a city Sure Painful Buggery for $5 says Hey, Vito Arnold's parents are alive

They rescued them in a new movie released a few years back Wow, that's cool What the fuck is the point of that? Lacambra for $2 Australian says I'm gay LP30T Lacambra is gay. I know, I know that guy. He sends me pictures of his dick all the time. That's awesome. That's the kind of parasocial relationship I want. LP dirty T for four 99 RIP to Willow, the TV series,

the LGBTQ are crying. The show is canceled and the writer is angry at Forbes. More entertainment than the TV show. I'm actually friends with that Forbes writer, Eric Kane, and he wrote an article, don't forget to watch the horrible Willow show before it disappears in a week. And the head writer of the show went, hey Forbes, fuck you! And I'm like, ah, that's pretty funny.

Eric Kane from Forbes also wrote a great article about Superkiller. So A great article about Superkiller So you can read about Superkiller Over on Forbes Why would Forbes want to write about Superkiller? Invest man, invest in comics Pineapple man for five

ESG Vito What if Superkiller smoked weed? Haha, that would be hilarious Exclamation point, lol Exclamation point, that would be epic exclamation point lol exclamation point that would be epic i think how about yeah okay uh tv for 220 new zealand dollars how much for veto to cry more ricada law back for 10 no movie reviewer has ever made a good movie

that's a challenge that's a question that's true, most of them don't. Well, most people don't make a good movie. Yeah. It's like someone who's famous making a band. Like, well, just because you're famous doesn't mean you're like... Like, bands are called out of like a million of them. Well, hold on. What? I've listened to TimCast, and clearly, if a celebrity makes a band, occasionally it can blow your mind away.

So, that's not a hard and firm rule Timcast Timcast not the podcast Nick do you want to make my comic book The Incredibly Stupid Woman The Incredibly Stupid Woman Oh how did she get in a car wreck Her keys were at home I don't know she's just so incredibly stupid

Nick has a million dollar book idea He told it to. I don't know. She's just so incredibly stupid. Nick has a million dollar book idea. He told it to me. I don't know if I can tell it. I don't want to give away his secrets. What, really? He told it to me at the live show. What is it about? It's a cookbook. I'll tell you that.

He's got a very good idea for a cookbook. And if you put it out, he would probably clear the $100,000. If he did anything, out, he would probably clear the $100K. If he did anything, it would clear the $100K. Well, yeah, obviously. What's the cookbook? Like semen and stuff? Yeah, it's all how to cook with semen featuring Nick Riccato.

That's a real thing. Semen holiday. Nick, do you have a cookbook that you want to talk about? He told me the idea, and I said immediately, well, if you made that, you would instantly make a giant pile of money. What about my book, The Incredibly Stupid Woman? Tell me, do you like Dick's idea for The Incredibly Stupid Woman? And The Incredibly Stupid Woman!

Go down, we got a bunch of... The Vagvengers! It's The Incredibly Stupid Woman! Alright. Can you scroll down a little bit? Yeah. More. More. Okay, right there. TV for $ down a little bit? Yeah. More. More.

Okay. Right there. TV for 550 New Zealand dollars. Seeing Vito so emotional last show made him far more sexy. XOXO. P.S. Eric sucks. That comes from the super chats.

We didn't say that. Rekata Law for 10. You need a black guy. I'm your Buckleberry. Nice. for 10 you need a black guy i'm your buckled buckleberry nice as he presents for 10 reminds us that famous movie reviewer tony from hack the movies made hack the living dead oh yeah it's the best movie review movie movie reviewer movie by far because dick and tab you're in it dick and tab yeah he hacked the movie yeah i remember he took the movie and he added stuff to it he hacked

it and then he quit his Fucking job to make movies And I'm like What are you an idiot Guy who fucking cries online Has a bunch of advice Hey man I got fucking funded

What do you call it Tony Tony's like What are you Someone's gonna fund Tony's stupid movie Maybe well I'll throw him a couple bucks

It's me Tony What if I made a horror movie No one's ever fucking done that before That's not a good Tony impression Hey guys It's better It's me Tony from Hack the Movies Anyway

Drunken Atheist Studio for five Everybody should watch the EVS clip from last week It's good Don't forget to watch all the hot clips being uploaded to our channel Weekly We got some great clips there James Gardner for $4.99 That's going to Blackout

For Blackout, yeah That's a good idea And I could hire all black people to do it I mean, I would hope so It's like a hangover, but it's black Oh, I got the premise You don't Are you sure?

And then they spend the whole movie going, what happened to us? I don't know. I don't know what happened to us. They never say we blacked out. Yeah. Me, 04120 for five. You know what? Eric have no real reason to beef.

I know what you're doing. He then continues to say, air out your issues on a joint stream Yeah Nice try Nobody got me this week Manny Muskets for two You guys get my Matata pass for the movie Manny

Thanks I'm not taking any Matata pass I'll take it I don't need it I don't believe Yeah okay As he presents for another 20 Comics aren't modern TV shows

They have to be Episodic and serialized Conservative YouTubers only seem to watch Disney Plus shows. I don't know. That's it. Dick, why don't you take us out with that other voted up song? Look what else I have.

Did you do the thing? Oh, I gotta add a new one. Okay, well, I mean, thanks. Good job. Thanks everybody for supporting the show. Thanks to me for setting that up before. I want to thank my good friend Coffin McCune for providing us with this week's Stingers. Here comes the other one. I want to vote it up.

This one? No, the other one. This one? I want to vote it up. This one? Yes. Just play it. What a great show we've had folks Wait this is a different song

Yeah Why would you play Why would you have two different songs Too long To be the fucking whatever stinger No no no I fucking knew you would do this I thought it was a

It was the longest outro song Outro We've had 40 minutes of super chats for an outro I thought it was a- it was the longer outro song. Outro. We've had 40 minutes of super chats for an outro. Now, he should- he deserved to have this played in the middle of the episode. They could put it on the next one. Well, guys, don't forget. If you don't, I'm coming to your home. Vote on all the problems at BiggestProblem.show

What a show we've had, folks. You better vote it up or I'll kill your dad. Murder your mom with a hat, Chad. Got to vote it up. You fucked this guy over. Both of these songs deserve their own episode. And you made me play this at the end because it was too long. Even though you're...

It's two minutes and forty seconds! So what? It's funny. It's funny that it's so long and it's good. The whole thing is good. Your songs are like fucking greed. Yeah, but it should be played at the beginning of the fucking show. You fucked over your own friend by saying let's play both of your songs in the same fucking episode.

It talks about a bunch of stuff from the show. We don't need a good fucking outro. An outro is like an ad. It's a universal message for the show. It doesn't justify that bit. People should vote it up as well. It should have been played on a song. We'll put it up on the website.

We're going to add that on the website. I have to do that. Well, let's add a page and then people can download the songs. Oh, fuck off. Why is it fading out for 30 seconds? I don't know. Thanks, everybody. Why is it 30 seconds of fading out?

That's why I didn't want to play it for the fucking thing, because it's an outro, it sounds like. Wait, wait. Shh, shh. This is the fade out. Shh, shh. Fucking. What a show. What was that? I don't know. Well, yeah, this fucking thing. Fucking What a show

What the hell was that? I don't know Will you end this fucking thing? Goodbye Vote Vote