The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 94

Episode Date: June 17, 2023

Battery Corrosion, Artificial Scarcity, Night Pooping, George Soros District Attorneys, Nocturia

For what for me I should have a purse hole on some people just set it up sign in with your email Yeah, do the connector all right here. We go. Are you ready? Yes? We didn't get to hear any of that though I really want to hear it BOOM Kablammo Wow now we're on nailed it boom Wow Assume that was a very smooth transition. It was perfect nice Good you learned from last week what just say yeah, that was a very smooth transition It was perfect Nice Good, you learned from last week What? To just say, yeah, that was a good transition

Yeah, not to question it How you doing? You're right, I should stop opening every show with Oh God, what's broken? Is it working? Big announcement What are we at on Patreon? We are now making on Patreon We have $7,000 a month in backer revenues.

Non-woke support, supporting our anti-woke comedy. The most least anti-woke show on Patreon right now is the biggest problem in the universe. You are a fucking Groomer If you don't support our show That's true We're the most anti-grooming show on On the planet If you hate grooming

This is the place to be With two guys If you hate wokes We got it right here This is what you want Way to sell it If you hate wokes, we got it right here. This is what you want. Way to sell it. Does it sound like my heart's not in it?

You're really hammering it in, Vito. It always takes you about 30 minutes to warm up on this show. I told you I can't do that, Grift. It's too hard to do it. What, Grift? We are the most anti-woke show in the history of the universe. Yeah. The other day I saw a pedophile and I cut his fucking head off.

And I did that for you, the viewer at home. If our show was, if the amount of anti-woke our show was a, was a dick, it would be mine. No. Whoa.

Okay. It would be my dick. I just think that if- 7,000 anti-woke dollars. If you really care about stopping wokeness, this is the place to be. This is the place. So you ready to do the show? I hope this isn't somebody's first episode. Why don't you fucking perk up a little bit?

I am perked. I'm perked. You're like sleeping. I'm not sleeping. Are you thinking about the drag queen protest that's going on right now? Is that going on? What's happening? They're protesting the drag nuns at Dodger Stadium

right now. Oh. Bunch of parents are out there kicking their ass. That would've been fun. Yeah. Where do you fall on that, in that fight? The drag queen nuns? Well, at first I was like, uh, I get that, you know, catholics would be upset with that but then i remembered that like yeah but who cares what catholics want like whatever

i'm gonna go down there with a super soaker full of aids and just spray it all over everyone it really is like the ultimate i'm on your side i'm on your side and any anybody that comes over me i'm on your side And just spray them With my super soaker That says AIDS on it I mean if you really Want to break it down It's a group of pedophiles

Versus a group of pedophiles All pointing fingers At each other According to each other Wait what are you Who are the pedophiles You're saying Well that's for you

At home to decide That's the fun of it Alright are you ready Yes Got a bad start again on that one. Everything's great. In on the middle. Everything's great.

It's the biggest problem. I gotta fix that next one. The universe. What's up with the biggest problem in the universe? The only show that ranks every problem in the universe From... Shit Graduation speeches being too long To parents thinking they can't be wrong

That's by Juke I'm your host Dick Vast And joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi Hi Dick Nailed the intro fade on that one Yeah, you nailed it You knocked it out of the park How do you feel?

We got a big spike because of our fights with Eric July on Patreon Well, I don't know what the spikes are about on that one. Yeah, you nailed it. You knocked it out of the park. How do you feel? We got a big spike because of our fights with Eric July on Patreon. I don't know what the spikes are about. Maybe people are just excited for the new Spider-Man bonus episode. People are jizzing themselves that we're calling out

all the phonies in the griftosphere. We're calling out all the phonies who won't read Eric July's shitty comic book. We're calling out all the fucking phonies that won't read Eric Jalai's shitty comic book. We're calling out all the fucking phonies that make money criticizing media

but they won't even read their dumb friend's dumb shitty comic. They make money criticizing media but they won't even read his shitty best-selling indie comic of all time because they're fucking frauds. People love that we're calling them out.

They would... Yeah, go out. If the comic book was Harvey Weinstein raping women, they wouldn't call it out either because that's their mindset, Vito. Look, it's not about calling anything out. It's just about... I thought about it the other day. I'm like, I am genuinely... Get those super chats in if you hate phonies

and you love calling them out Call out the phonies in your super chats Alright Go save the children in the grain Here's what I've like realized Is that the most depressing aspect Of it Is that for like the last four years you've had all these guys

Going we just want to make Storytelling better This is all about making better stories. Phonies. And they were lying, like obviously. When everybody went to them and they went, well, I think you just don't like women and minorities and whatever. They're like, no, no, no, no, no.

It's just about making storytelling better. And then a really bad story shows up and they all go, this is the best one. We haven't read it. Because we haven't read it, but we know it doesn't have any political. Look at all the money it made. It's not political and it's not woke. And it's go, this is the best one. We haven't read it. Because we haven't read it, but we know it doesn't have any political. Look at all the money it made. It's not political and it's not woke. And it's like, oh. I'm on John Stossel's show talking about my Kamalik book and how much money I made in my warehouse.

Hi, John Stossel. I'm Shithead McGee. Hi, John Stossel. John Stossel I just genuinely worry That we're gonna enter A period of time Where There's just gonna be

All this media That is just Dog shit terrible Yeah Everyone's gonna go Yeah but at least There's no gay guys In it

Yeah We're calling it out Political shit We're calling it out That's what we need Is people who call it out No matter what Do you regret bringing

This all in here Cause No no I think it's well Cause I'm never gonna stop And I go way over the line. There are some times where I go, well, Dick's his own man. You know, I think the only thing that drives me nuts is when people go, well, look what Dick did yesterday. And I'm like, this is like, I'm doing worse now.

But then again, you had to deal with that with me forever with a million people coming to meet you and going like, hey, why is your co-host a pedophile? And you're like, I like that, though. Like, oh, yeah, go ahead. Let's go. You want to fight about something? Well, why is he? Yeah, I don't really. I guess I am.

We are each other's keeper. Apparently, people can come to me. They're like, oh, do you know what your co-host is doing? I'm like, my co-host. Like, I'm like, he's my kid yeah yeah exactly i don't care what co-host owes money all over town yeah i'm like oh that seems funny what he's doing yeah it is funny it is funny that's why we get the big money to prove it oh yes the winner of last week hold on i'm i'm messing with the audio a little bit yeah i don't know why i have to do this right now

no we got to make sure all the audio levels are perfect. That seems. Maybe I just fucked with it too much. That seems good. I don't care. Food going bad. Hey, big W for Vito. Oh, everybody hates food problems, but then I bring one in and you all go,

I do hate when my food goes bad. Yeah. You're not allowed to complain about food problems if you give me a W on them, you morons. Graduation speeches was next. Yeah, those are awful. Oh, the places you'll go. Right? I saw a news article today about a girl.

She was on stage, and they're like, you have to be completely silent and just go over and accept your graduation thing. She was kind of like, yay! And then literally on stage, they're like, you to be completely silent And just go over And accept your graduation thing She was kind of like Yay And then literally Literally on stage They're like You don't get your diploma And you're like Bro

Just do the ceremony Like stop it This is ridiculous There should be a contest Like greatest Graduation ejection Did we talk about that Last time

I don't know if we did You should try not to get Yeah The school should have to Hunt you down To give you It should be like a subpoena Right?

To give you your Graduation certificate Too many beginner tutorials I did a bad job on that one I should have just said online tutorials But then I guess they would be good too Parental wisdom Dead last

Well A lot of stupid parents in the audience Think they got something to say I know more about your kids than you Yeah And I am going to be their caretaker That's the bottom line Well that See A lot of stupid parents in the audience think they got something to say. I know more about your kids than you. Yeah. And I am going to be their caretaker. That's the bottom line.

Well, that, see, all the children in the world are my children. And I will educate and inform them. What if that was true, though? I want to start one of those. What if it was like Wise Last Man, but it was like Vito the Last Adult, and all the kids in the world were reliant on you? I do a really good job at it. I want to start one of those. I really want to do one of those YouTube channels.

Mad Max beyond the pedophile Adele. When he finds all the kids living in the... Oh, from the beyond beyond time. Yeah, I'd be good at that, I think. Yeah? Yeah. What makes you, what do you think you'd be good at? I think I have a natural charisma that children gravitate towards.

I've never seen you around kids. It's a problem because I'm so fun and charismatic. I remember I was in a store just like wearing like a Power Rangers t-shirt because I'm an adult man child. Yeah. And this kid just comes up and he's like, oh, yeah, Power Rangers. And he starts like pointing at my shirt, but he's like rubbing his hands all over me. His dad's looking at him like, this is your job to teach your kids to not touch.

Your kid is touching the stranger right now. I had no part in this. Yeah. I want to do one of those channels where I unbox stupid toys for kids and make a dumb voice. Where you unbox kids. Yeah. That'd be a good one. From Wayfair.

Yeah. I buy stuff from, I buy children from Wayfair. I was trying to get a bed frame and now I got Yolanda. Oh, this is terrible. I'd like to see you just around a bunch of kids. I think I would be like a good children's entertainer. I think I would be like a good, like a Mr. Rogers type, you know?

Yeah. Okay. No name says. Somebody send me your kids. Let's test it out and see how it goes. Let's do a kid-friendly show. Jesus Vito is a moron. I don't know Jesus Vito No one thinks you get smarter with kids Vito when you have kids you will care who other than you try to influence them Is he purposefully stupid?

They're figuring out the show dick they're becoming self-aware i mean people people with kids have been raising them for like wait a minute is veto saying purposefully inflammatory things for the purpose of comedy don't pretend like you're doing that don't say that no but I would be Better at educating Your children than yourself But you really think that And trust them Yeah I do Because I know I would be

Because I'm smarter Than most people I don't know if I Don't agree with that Or not I think if you On a curve I think on an average

Yeah I would do a better job Raising most kids Than the existing parents That they have Because most parents That you meet are dummies. Most people are dummies. I've got to think about that. That's why you vote the way you vote, though.

Yeah, because I'm like... Democrats, we're like the parents of the country, you know? And the Republicans are like, I just want to go kill everybody. Give all this money to all my favorite friends. All my favorite friends. All my favorite corporations.

Yeah, all my favorite... Yeah, exactly. Puke Krelborn says, I'm so glad I didn't graduate college because I would have to into graduation ceremonies. Yeah. Elizabeth Emoji says,

I don't care about Eric July. I bet most of the people who bought his comic bought it for the art. Even if the story sucks balls, at least the art has to be great. Well... The art is okay okay uh

dustin dark says veto no child has two dads or two moms that's not how children are made this is uh it's really trying oh i wasn't aware nailing nailed me there. Every person has one mother and father. Right. Having custody or guardianship or banging a kind's mom doesn't make them your child. What do you think about that? So, like, when you adopt a kid and the kid calls you their dad, it's just an elaborate lie. Like, that's really the take you want to go with? Elaborate lie Like that's

That's really the take You want to go with I would love to see this guy Like find some stepdad Who like married Who's raised her kids For like 13 years Hey like

Well no he's not Yeah You're not his dad You're not his dad Some like big rig Driving motherfucker Who's like there For years of you know

It's a really Shitty thing to say Well technically Yeah I, I get. I understand how childbirth works. Thank you. I think we're talking about the person in charge of raising the child through to adulthood and ensuring they don't, you know. You're talking about gay dads, though.

Gay dads. Just say, I hate gay dads. Don't do all this, like, no. Well, actually, here's my scientific diagram. Alex Adams says, I was progressively liking Vito in this reboot, but these last episodes, I'm starting to dislike him because of his insufferable liberal views. And, of course, he has liberal arts degree, comma, hey, fat. Liberal arts degree does not relate. That's what liberals, that's hey fat. A liberal arts degree does not relate.

That's what liberals, that's how you become a liberal. Yeah, by getting a liberal arts degree. Conservatives go to college and they get liberal arts degrees.

Liberal arts just means like, like all the basic like English, math, whatever, right? Vito, people don't have two dads.

Of course he has liberal arts degree. Hey fat, you don't have two dads Of course he has liberal arts degree Hey fat You don't need the schools to teach kids Respect they learn it from their Family and from life experiences From bad choices that they can Learn from

And stop publicing crying Wow that was Remarkable I think this you know you get into Yeah it's good if they can learn it from their families. Some kids aren't learning it from their families. Is there anything? As a statistic, in certain ethnic communities, the father is often absent, and therefore society must step in in some way.

Has to step in with more women. Hey, we noticed that you didn't have a dad, so we got a bunch of women over here to raise you properly. I know that's part of the problem as well. We do need more male role models, honestly, in society. Like us. That is a big problem. We're not terrible, you know. We're okay.

What's a better skill in life than calling people out? Yeah. Probably none. And I got great advice for kids, you know. Yeah. Like bring a gun to school so everyone knows not to mess with you. Yeah. Probably none. And I got great advice for kids, you know. Yeah. Like bring a gun to school so everyone knows not to mess with you. Exactly. Atticus says, quote, ask your family.

That's the answer every teacher should give when asked a question not about the subject they teach. Capital, all caps. It's very easy! So if they say like, oh, are you married? You say, ask your family. It's gotten to the point where, yeah, it's like this weird...

Why don't you tell us if you're married? Ask your family. It's like if I ask my teacher like, hey, what'd you eat for lunch? Do they have to go? Ask your family. I'm eating gay bars for lunch. I'm literally only allowed to talk about math. I noticed that you have a pin from this television show.

Are you a fan of that? Ask your family. Ask your family. I'm not allowed to discuss any of that. That would be very inappropriate. Yeah, why do people want their... If anything, I think you get a better education when you feel a slight personal connection to your teacher.

You know, I had certain teachers who were like my favorite teachers and I wanted to do well in their class, so I didn't think I was a screw up And if every time I went like Hey how was your weekend Mr. Moran

And he went I'm not allowed to talk About that I'd go well you know what Fuck this I'm not gonna pay attention To any of this I wish I could go back

And ask some teachers How big their tits were What size What cup size Cup size of yours Just so I can remember I'm trying to buy a bra For my mom

And she's kind of The same size as you. Yeah. Did you ever do stuff with another girl in college? Is that, or still? I'm doing a study for Pride Month. Yeah. What do you think about that?

What do you think about how some chicks will just make out with other chicks for attention? Do you? They don't have to say anything. I'll know right away just from their reaction. I think you'd get in trouble for that. I don't think it's easy. Why? I'm gay. Oh, if you're the gay kid, you get away their reaction. I think you'd get in trouble for that. Why? I'm gay.

Oh, if you're the gay kid, you get away with it. I'm very gay. I'm the gayest kid in this whole town. The gay kid is allowed to ask those questions. Speaking of teachers, we had that ISOM teacher review. A lot of people were very not happy about that. A lot of people are very mad.

Yeah. They don't understand that their anger is what makes it so funny. Oh, is it? Is it? Like, well, how does she even know anything about comics? Like, oh, man. Maybe it's not.

Yeah, somebody said that the teachers are all blue hairs and they want to teach sex to kids, so that's why it was a bad review. I think some teachers are great. And any teacher would take the time to review the most important indie comic of our lifetimes. Chris Muscle said, I've got an idea you can use for a new book. Straight men are better than balding twinks.

Am I the balding twink or are you the balding twink? Buddy, I don't think I... I'm already bald, so... I'd have to lose about 50 pounds to be considered a twink. Where do they get twink from? My God. I don't know. I think they can't say the F word.

Speaking of losing weight, we have VitoL loses.com, which is up right now. Here's the deal. Veto has to lose 30 pounds in six months, which a medical doctor told me is an appropriate amount of weight to lose. Yes. Anything more would be crazy. And that amount makes it so that it's shameful if you don't lose that amount of weight. And we're going to have a weigh-in every month. It's all in the blockchain.

So if you want to sweeten the pot for Vito to lose weight and to increase his humiliation if he does not lose the weight, you can put money in on the VitoLoses.com. You weigh in every month. If you're not on track, that's a strike. Three strikes and you're out. And then obviously if you don't lose 30 pounds by the every month. If you're not on track, that's a strike. Three strikes and you're out. And then obviously if you don't lose 30 pounds by the sixth month. Are we doing the first official weigh-in today? No, it was two weeks ago.

We're using that one. Oh, shit. Okay. And you were at 310. Okay. I'll post the video tonight. 310 I was at. Where I yell at my girlfriend for interfering with the weigh-in.

We'll see if I get a first strike right away. Because I haven't exactly. But now I know it's ongoing, so now I know. Well, if you strike, we'll reset. But you've got to lose the weight, man. Okay. Well, I don't have to. You're going to lose all this money.

Look. How much money is there? Let's give you a taste of this money that you're going to lose. What is there, like $10 in there? VitoLoses.com. Is there like a big bar Of money 233 dollars 233 dollars

Oh my god That's not bad What do you think About that Well let's see A guy's cradle Would be about 800 bucks

So You could buy That's a quarter Of a guy's cradle Fucking Video games Who maybe With this money

Yeah I gotta put it In terms of magic cards What can I get for 230 I could get a dual land For 230 dollars of a guy's cradle. Fucking video games. Who maybe... With this money. Yeah, I gotta put it in terms of magic cards. What can I get for $230? I could get a dual land for $230. Could you get that fat woman magic card that was on the last set

that they just put out? Wait, is there a fat lady magic card? Yeah, there's a fat lady magic card. I'd forgotten about that already. Look at Nymph.

I don't know what kind of nymph. Oh, they have a nymph from the wrong side of the tracks, I guess. Hood nymph. There's they have a nymph from the wrong side of the tracks, I guess. There's nothing wrong with a big lady. They did ban the card Earthbind. Why is that? Because it has a hot elf lady in bondage.

And for that alone, the card. Could they make her fat? Could they make her? They should just make it a fat lady who she's earthbound because she's, you know. Originally it was earthbound because the earth is binding her down. Yeah. Because it could just be she's so fat she can't get up. She's bound by.

Bound by gravity. The patriarchy expectations on her. Fascinating. Was there any other comments? No. Well, that's fine because, Dick, I've prepared a very exciting segment I like to call Vote It Up. Just sit right back and you'll hear a pod, a pod full of problems that started many years ago when a Mexican guy he slum.

Old Dick was a mighty chauvinist and Peter was a pedophile. Two problems each they bitch and moan for us to vote it up. For us to vote it up. Oh, his emotions got so rough. His topic book might flop. If not for the courage of Master Sim, biggest problem, what's a gas?

Biggest problem, what's a gas? If his comic eats a lot of shit, we still have to vote it up. For Dig and Vito's comic eats a lot of shit, we still have to vote it up for Dick and Vito too. The Nickler and his antics. Vote it up. Just vote it up. Vote it up.

Here are our biggest problems. Wow. Scotty cheated that one. Scotty Chee, thank you for that beautiful stinger. Guys, this is Voted Up, the segment where we revisit past problems to see if we can view them in a new light. Dick, from all the way back in episode 10, do you remember the issue

of Tattletales? Uh, kinda. That was you. Yeah, that was you. That's what started all this shit. Shut up. That is part. Yeah, that was you. That's what started all this shit. Oh, shut up. That is part of the problem. We've made the best of it. Well, in sad news, Daniel Ellsberg, the history-making whistleblower who leaked to the Pentagon Papers, has died of pancreatic cancer. Oh.

First published in the New York Times in June 1971, these classified papers documented that the U.S. had defied a 1954 settlement barring a foreign military presence in Vietnam, questioning whether South Vietnam had a viable government and was secretly expanding the war to neighboring countries. The papers also revealed that Johnson was preparing to send in American soldiers even while telling voters he would not. I wasn't really paying attention.

The Pentagon Papers, Vietnam. Did we get rid of the Pentagon after that? No. Who fucking cares then? Well, what do you think about whistleblowers who expose the government? You know, that's a good. You said tattletales was a problem. Yeah.

This guy. How many tattletales? I mean, how many more tattles do we need tailed what about Snowden guy Yeah I'd be a bigger fan If he had a rocket launcher I think if anything this might be a Voted down situation because right now

Tattletales is number eight Tattletales are a big problem I think they're helpful I think That they expose corruption And problems Tattletales on a big problem I think they're helpful I think that they expose corruption and problems Tattletales on the government though But not most of the tattling is being done on me And other people Well I don't know

The government actually their whole job is to tattletale on me to themselves So then they can come in and kick my ass I don't know if you saw that Mersh's channel got taken down by YouTube There might be a serial tattler out there right now taking down all these YouTube channels. You know, Rumble is so smart that they are paying people to use their platform who desperately need it. Right. We were discussing, it's like, why'd they give Steven Crowder $100 million? They could have just waited For him to get banned

From YouTube Yeah Probably like a year away And they could've got him At a fucking discount Would've been great Yeah Could've got all these guys

For nothing Yeah anyway Well Revenge of the Sith Cashed in at the right time Good Yeah Good for them Get some of that sweet

SPAC money Some of that scam money Yeah well you gotta stop Talking shit about Rumble Cause because how are we ever going to get a deal? Although then I talk shit about Rumble, so. We're never getting a fucking deal. Why? Everyone loves us. No.

No one likes us. Somebody likes us. No one likes me. Nobody. This show's got people. People like me in spite of me. Yeah. I think we're doing okay.

We could be doing. The people like us. Yeah, the people. We're like the rock. Can you I think we're doing okay. We could be doing the people like us. Yeah, the people were like the rock. Can you smell what we're cooking? I think the problem is that we have too intelligent an audience. We got to dumb things down. Actually, seeing our audience like clash with Eric Shalai's audience

is like, well, there's a big intelligence gap. Yeah, there is a genuinely big intelligence gap. I don't want to get too deep into it, but I'm like, how are you guys so dumb? This is weird. Dick, another problem. Maybe being woke makes you a little bit smarter. I don't know.

Or just like not treating it that seriously, you know? Like if you're really all day like, man, wokeness is destroying this country. It's like, well, there's a lot of things. Wokeness is not affecting the housing market man you know wokeness has nothing to do with inflation probably interest rates are doing what you guys are talking about worry about that banks maybe did you see trump gave a speech where he's like uh and we got to do something about this trans ideology in the schools and all these people jumped up or give him a giant standing ovation he's like you know it's weird i talk about lowering

taxes and no one gives a shit. He said that? Yeah, he said that. He said, but I talk about the trans stuff and look at the reaction I get. You fucking morons. Yeah, they don't. Why don't you just go? Why don't you all just suck each other off and get it over with? You fucking homophobic idiots.

I just wish they cared as much about like the economy as they do woke whatever the fuck bullshit. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I get that. Like, it's annoying and stupid. And maybe you're worried of your kids a little too much, but whatever. But like, mostly, don't you want to just have enough dollars in your pocket?

We can care about both. We can care about both. We just got to get rid of the gay people first. We just need to focus on. You said gay people or kids. Transurgers. Kids trans. I said kids trans. Transurgers. We got to get rid of the gay people first. We just need to focus on... Did you say gay people or kids? Trans surgery. Kids trans surgery. I said kids trans surgery.

We gotta get rid of kids trans surgery. Okay, because I thought you said gay people. I could have sworn you said... Also, if you can focus on both, why is the only thing you tweet about every day is like, I really hope Budweiser goes out of business! And it's like, why don't you tweet about anything other than that? That's the only... I haven't went ever.

I'm going nuts. And speaking of nuts, Dick, or maybe something a little above the nuts. Yeah. It's the problem of circumcision apologists from episode 59. Oh, God. So when are all these fucking homophobes banning circumcision? There's 200 kids every year cutting their dicks off. Yeah, well, how about the millions doing circumcision?

Well, what do you mean? I'm circumcised. There's nothing wrong with my dick. What exactly are you saying? There's nothing wrong with my dick. Yeah. Yeah, okay, man. They should ban circumcision at the same time.

Well, then how else is it? They don't care about that. Point is, Dick, well, maybe they're doing it for the following reason, because an analysis published in the Clinical Microbiology Journal has found that male circumcision may protect against HPV infection. Taking a look at previous studies, samples for HPV infection were collected from different sites in males, including the urethra, foreskin, glands, shaft, scrotum, and perennial area. You didn't need to describe all those parts of the penis

You just did that for fun That's fun to say those words Perennium, the underside of the perennium The starboard side of the perennium I want you to know what parts of the penis were studied The little ball, the bigger ball And they included the urethra, foreskin, glands, shaft, scrotum, perennial area According to estimates, circumcision significantly reduced the risk of HPV infections at both glands and shaft.

A review suggests that maybe we could use circumcisions in countries or regions where HPV-related cancers are prevalent, but vaccinations are not available. So cut off the head of your penis. Get less HPV. What do you think about that? So they're trying to cut the dicks off of little brown poor people who don't know anybody? Now they're going to take it to Ethiopia. Are you fucking serious, man?

They don't have any problems other than too much penis? I like that they're like, I mean, we could vaccinate them, but I think it's easier. Let's just cut their wieners off. Do they have any other problems? Well, there's lots of infant rape and stuff. And interest rates are still a problem there, too. Funny that you should say that. Well, how about their dicks?

What's going on with their dicks? Is that all normal? Oh, let's cut that shit off right away. Dude. It does sound like there's a sinister secret society. It's like, listen, we've got to come up with a reason why we can cut off, you know, the foreskin of all these black kids. Let's say it's for HPV. Why not?

Somebody will believe that. OJ Simpson is. After it again. There's all sorts of problems in the world. But you know what you got to do with those problems, fellas? You got to vote them up. Well, I fucking closed it. I know you did, because you're an idiot.

There it is. Just sit right back and you'll hear a pod, a pod full of problems that started many years ago when a Mexican guy used to love. Old Dicker was a mighty showman and his demeanor was a pedophile.

To all those seats they bitch and for us to vote it up. For us to vote it up. The number 67. I won. I got to go first. Yeah, that's kind of crazy. It feels like it's been forever. Dick's been knocking it out of the park with his dumb bullshit. I can't believe you started all this nonsense with Eric Geline. You made it a thing, though.

I was prepared to stop. And then for some reason you went on Nick Ricada and you're fighting with them. I don't even know what the hell's going on. Well, because Nina implied that I was racist. Well, yeah. She's racist, too. We're all racist. Come on, everybody.

Well, I'm glad that everything's been cleared up. I saw Nina actually bought a copy of I Assume. Two? I Assume 2 is now available. Now she has to. Now she has to. Look, I got it on me wall. Did you see that Spider-Man movie?

The new one? Yeah, I did. I liked it. What, you didn't like it? We got a Spider-Man bonus episode at patreon.com slash biggest problem. Yes. That's a great bonus episode at patreon.com slash biggest problem. Yes. That's a great bonus episode. I was going to say it was the greatest animated movie of all time until one thing happened.

What? They saved the Indian little girl, and that universe didn't just totally get deleted. Yeah. You thought it had to go full bore? Well, that's what they said. They're like, if we violate this shit, then universes get disappeared. Well, there was a hole. They said we could fix the hole, but it's kind of hard to do it.

Well, that implies that it's just difficult. Okay? That implies that they're lazy and evil. Well, maybe if they do it too much. So they're letting an infinite number of little girls die because they don't want to work? Is that? That's what that's. It just made it.

You do. That was the moment that it broke. You have a very good point. Yeah. All they had to do is say like, oh, yeah, everyone there fucking died. It's fucking horrible, man. Like, just like we said would happen. It happened.

I don't think they can do that. That would be too intense. It's Spider-Man. Well, then why did they post it? too intense It's Spider-Man They showed The Mexican guy By the way didn't you think it was funny That the Mexican and the black guys Basically ruined the whole universe

And a white guy had to come in and save it I didn't think you were reading too far into it They showed all the webs Evaporating That was a lot of people getting killed So then there's one And they're like well we're going to work on that. It's interesting.

I think I wonder if they got an advanced copy of my comic Super Killer. I was thinking that. Similar themes. And don't forget, only two weeks left to get yourself a copy. Head on over to Indiegogo. Don't you think that would have made it better? Well, yeah. The whole Indian universe got wiped out and then the Indian guys all,

Spider-Man's all pissed off with his yo-yos. I was like, well, you guys just removed the whole point of what you're doing. I mean, it would have kind of really created a dour mood to erase a universe, you know? Well, okay. What was Star Wars then? They blew up a whole fucking planet in Star Wars. And at the end of the first act, they blow up a person's entire fucking planet. And they express it with a fucking planet blowing up.

And I'm going, wow, it's like a whole bunch of people just cried out and then got killed. I think the idea is that some of these events can happen, but if too many of them happen, then things get out of control. It needs to be. Well, obviously. Yeah, you fucked up. That whole thing's getting evaporated. Yeah. Too many of them happen Then things get out of control No It needs to be Well obviously Yeah you fucked up That whole thing's getting evaporated Yeah

I guess they could have said We have to evacuate all the people From that planet To a different universe Then it wouldn't have been as down Sure yeah Something Really screwed things up

Talking about a different movie At that point though Dick Two lines Well I don't know What to tell you about that But I't know What to tell you about that But I do know What to tell you about this It's a little problem

That you might have Dealt with at home Let me give you a scenario I've got a long list Of those Well let me give you A scenario Dick Okay

You go hey I'm going to use This appliance of mine Oh this TV I've had sitting in storage Let me plug that guy in You know what I've always wanted a little TV in the kitchen or something

I'll put it in the kitchen whenever you know You really are Italian Do you have a TV in the bathtub too? I want to have it I've routinely looked up how much it is To get one of those shower TVs and it's way too much money Like the Truman Show where he's holding on to the The curtain Bathtub guy That guy was great It is to get one of those shower TVs and it's way too much. Like the Truman Show where he's holding on to the curtain.

Bathtub guy. Yeah. That guy was great. Whatever. Regardless, you plug it in an old appliance. And then you go, well, let me take out my remote and turn this thing on. Yeah. And you go, oh, something's wrong.

Remote's not working. Go to open the battery door and what do you see? Bunch of this blue, white gunk. Yeah. My problem, Dick, is battery corrosion What a pain in the ass this is Now, I deal with this a lot as a gamer Because I got a lot of these video game controllers with batteries in them

I got a lot of old Game Boys Okay And these things, if you forget to take the batteries out Next thing you know, you got all this stupid corrosion in there. And you can't just take out the batteries. You got to now clean out the corrosion to get it working again. You have a lot of Q-tips, though, you could use to clean it out. That's a good excuse for why you have those.

It is a good excuse. I already told you why I have the Q-tips. Did you talk about that on PKA when you went on? They asked me about the cat thing. Yeah, we talked about that. Which one of them described their levels of disgust from Apparently Kyle was really upset about it. Yes, that makes sense tracks some people Woody I would think he's hey he'd have done it

I think what he was like kind of like yeah, alright I see the it is it is funny that the cat thinks some people like genuinely are just mad They're like, yeah, you've literally raped a cat I'm like well not really Not really Yeah there's guys As I always say There's guys whose job it is To jerk off champion racehorses

We cut out their sex organs When they're like Babies Like it's not We're already not treating them As normal I did see an article The other day though

Of a Penn State professor Who got caught Fucking his dog Look up that article that's a big one I don't want to look up that article well the worst part of it Was that he was going to like the local Park to do it And like recording himself in the bathroom

And they caught him on a trail cam So he was taking her out On a date That's nice it's more than I do around here Well they saw this guy on a trail cam and they're like Well we have no way of identifying him Unless he comes back here to rape his dog again Which clearly no man would do

And of course a few months later I would think he would definitely do that If you're raping your dog I gotta say First of all don't do it second of all If you're gonna do it just do it at home buddy I'm gonna spice things up though If you've been like dogs live a long No relationship can last as long as dogs do well

You shouldn't know your dog and you do have to keep an eye on the batteries and your electronic appliances Have you ever got those swelling batteries or the battery starts to expand over time? Yeah, yeah, I have a bunch of the PSP batteries the Sony PSP Yeah, those are notorious because I'll had a bunch like sitting in storage And I'm like Wait why is Wait the flat ones Yeah Yeah And I'm like Why is the battery door

Like coming off And I open it up And the battery was like Three times the size Was it like backdraft Like Well that sucks Because the PSP batteries

They don't make them anymore So at a certain point Either somebody's gonna have To manufacture more of them The only ones you can get Are these Chinese batteries And they're garbage They're like a special

Type of battery Fucking Chinese Point is guys When batteries sit in unused devices for long periods hydrogen can build up in the battery cell until the pressure causes the battery's insulating seals to breach that gas is harmlessly released but the rupture provides an exit point for the battery cells chemical components can you believe it dick who gives a shit About corroded batteries? I do That sucks This is like

80s technology That you're whining about Not to mention That not only are these batteries Not safe to use But you have to dispose of them Hopefully seal them In a plastic bag

And drop them off At a recycling facility Otherwise They could be sent to a landfill Where some Child in Indonesia is digging through, getting his hands covered in battery acid. My God. You know what I found out recently?

What's that? I just throw everything in the garbage. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that. Like TVs, like old CRTs. I would just toss those in there. I knew that was wrong, so I would cover it up with stuff. Oh, that makes it okay. Well, then they're not gonna let go.

What the fuck? Right. I found out that people don't just throw away their batteries. Yeah, you're supposed to recycle your batteries. I throw them out. Who the fuck? What kind of sick person would not save double A batteries to take to... You gotta take them to Best Buy. They got a little battery recycling.

What are they protecting? When they look at the garbage truck and they think, well, where that disgusting thing is going needs my protection. I'm going to go way out of my way to put batteries in a special box like a fucking idiot. I'll say one thing about America is that I guess I kind of wish we took recycling

a little bit seriously, but at this point, it's so far gone that it's like, who's we? It's just Americans. You look at Japanapan they recycle you know great and there's no trash in the streets it's beautiful in america we're so far gone at this point it's like any any attempt to try recycling now would be so pointless that the landfills are already there it's somewhat only aluminum cans are worth recycling Yeah, the plastic recycling is apparently like a huge, what do you call that? Waste.

Hoodwink. Yeah. Meanwhile, you have like, there will be companies, there will be like industrial waste companies just running like an HVAC machine the size of the Titanic all day because they just didn't turn it off. Like the guy whose job it is to flick the switch to turn it off is sick for today so the guy'll be like well it's not my fucking job i'm saying all right so why am i doing anything i do i don't know i've had i forget what i had i had something where i was like i can't

just throw this in the dumpster i would feel bad about it you know yeah why i don't know because i'm like i'll just drive to the recycling place i forget what it was it was like some electronic thing and then we fly was like some electronic thing. And then we fly like some garbage man's going to be dealing with the garbage. And then my TV is going to break open and spill a bunch of acid all over him or whatever. I don't throw helium tanks away like propane tanks. I recycle those. You're right.

I don't know the point of. I don't understand how you can recycle when you're walking, watching like the government ship like the military to the Middle East every year. Like, oh, yeah, I don't care about what is this fucking can going to do? No, none of that was necessary. So... You ever hear about the problem of all the debris in space? We can't even ship it to space.

Yeah. Because like even if there's like one screw falls off the International Space Station, that just means that screw is endlessly rotating around the Earth. So every time we send a shuttle up It will burn up eventually At some point Well the Chinese don't care And India sure as shit doesn't care

Yeah we got it We heard it We heard We heard Yeah I know you guys You guys always say that you hear everything now We gotta keep our planet clean And part of the problem is when people allow their batteries to corrode

Inside of their electronic devices. So, guys, right now, I want you to go around your house. After you listen to this episode, check your remotes. Check your game devices, whatever you got. This problem is retarded. You don't want those batteries, you know, corroding up in there. Yeah. If they do, you can take a cotton swab or a toothbrush with a bit of vinegar and lemon juice and clean

out that corrosion but who wants to deal with that yeah make sure to let your device dry completely before inserting new batteries okay battery corrosion that's gonna be a number one problem i think no that's gonna be that's gonna be a top stupid problem. It's not even a problem. Nothing to get... If you have battery corrosion issues, you need to stop whatever you're doing.

I think sometimes... Buy new stuff. I think sometimes the simplest problems are the most profound. Right now, everyone is listening to this and they're going,

well, it's kind of a pain in the ass, you know? They're just like, I'll throw it away. Get other stuff. No, no. You gotta clean it out.

Okay, here's my problem George Soros, district attorneys Yeah Do you know who George Soros is? What the fucking show is this? Are you serious right now? You know, there's an arsonist Did you really just go, do you know who George Soros is?

Come on Do you or not? You heard of this guy? You heard of this guy? Do you or not? Yeah, I heard of him Doesn't it seem like there's a lot of crime though? There's like fucking crime all the time

What does that have to do with him? Did he get all these guys elected? Yeah He paid He dumped money in To get DA's elected all over the country Like 70 of them Yeah

In all the worst In all the cities where all the shit happens Including this one Why'd he do that, Dick? Why? Because he's evil, I guess. Alright, okay. I don't know. It's that show now. You know what, actually?

I was reading it, and I was gonna like, um... I'm waiting for you to bring up his early life. I really am. What does that mean? George Soros? Yeah. The famous conspiracy theories about how he was in Germany during a certain time period. Really?

Shut up! Stop it! I know you know all this shit. I don't care about that. Good. Because you shouldn't. Because it's fucked. Crime is up like...

I wrote it down. Crime is up. 11% here and like 30%. Okay, crime went up 30% From 2019 to 2020 That's a lot And every time I look into it You said 2019 to 2020 it went up 30%

Yeah the largest That was in that year in the US The largest increase What crime? All crime? Homicides increased 4.3% in 2021. I don't know. It's like a bunch of fucking stats.

How much did it go down? Is that because of COVID? Because everybody came out of their house to do crime again? That's because nobody's getting arrested anymore. Like, just look at what happened to us. Assault. No. Why not make the problem no one gets arrested anymore?

People just fucking walking out because the reason people don't get arrested is that he put these fucking dickheads into the prosecutor's office in every big city. So now nobody gets fucking arrested anymore except normal people who are defending themselves. You don't think that's weird or shitty? I'm just saying I don't think he's the reason. What did he do? He donated to their campaigns. He decided to, well, fuck Congress and the law and stuff

I'll just give money to the people running Who are prosecuting these guys So that they'll stop doing that And no one ever had thought of that before Like oh shit I don't know, I don't have time to I spent all day arguing about Trump online I don't have time to research the DA in my town

I do agree that We need to have a more tough on crime type situation. So here's why it sucks. This is the worst part. I'll give you some more stats for you. 75 prosecutors. He's got a 90% success rate.

He has a 90% success rate of donating to campaigns? Yeah. This is my guy. He's picking the winners ahead he knows who's gonna win and he just wants to be on the good side for some stupid reason okay why how much did he donate to him 40 million dollars not a lot right 90 guys 70 something guy well i guess it would be 80 okay um about half a million dollars each yeah portland da mike Schmidt, he got 300,000 announced. He'd refused to prosecute

rioters in the summer and instead defended them. Yeah. No rioting's a felony. Cocaine's a felony. Is anybody getting any of these guys getting off? Philly, uh, dropped the charges on 60% of shooting cases, 40% of illegal firearms in two years. Aye, aye, aye. Philly murder has gone up, I don't know. I can't do these numbers in my head. It's gone up a lot. Well, there's so many guys. Yeah, it's crazy that the cops know who all these guys are.

They just don't go after them because they're not going to get prosecuted. That fucking weird, that maybe pedophile that threw me into a concrete barrier. Did you see that? I saw it. The guy on Netflix who threw me into the concrete. He got arrested again. He got arrested again, and he had a child sex crime. That was dismissed for some reason. That was not prosecuted.

Not prosecuted. Oh, wow. Who's making that decision? I don't know who's making that decision. I don't know if it's George Soros necessarily. Here's why it's so annoying. All right. So when they're complaining about these DAs,

one of the complaints is they stopped pursuing theft under a thousand, okay? Yeah. Which is good because then I can shoplift Magic Earth. You should be in jail. You should get some.

Shoplifting is a... That's theft, right? Okay, but if everyone's doing it, I should get to do it. No. If they, if they stopped it, if this, if it wasn't this, you know, we have cops, we have enough time to go after you guys, but then they also hit you with, and they refuse to enforce laws against prostitution.

And I think, well, yeah, this is why it's happening. Cause you guys got a bunch of bullshit. Bunch of bullshit laws that should not be Enforced It's hard to say wow what a What a horrible evil guy When the people who you appointed are Also not prosecuting a bunch of fucking

Hookers right I think you know how they have that thing where it's like we're not Prosecuting shoplifters because it's under A certain amount I think like the cops should just like Okay go aftering shoplifters because it's under a certain amount. I think like the cops should just like, okay, go after the shoplifters. If it's under a certain amount, go, okay, we're not going to prosecute you this time. But you now have this strike on your record that if you do it again, that means they're like, okay, now you're like a serial fucking menace.

Wait, I have one. Go ahead. Well, it's all repeat crimes, right? They said it's like the same guys. But it's not cumulative. It doesn't. Well, yeah, they don't stack.? They said it's like the same guys. But it's not cumulative. It doesn't. Well, yeah, they don't stack. It's not like a high score.

Right. Last year, this guy, Troy McAllister, this is another California Soros DA, faced a life sentence because of this three strikes law, which I don't even agree with, but whatever. Multiple robberies, thefts, attempted carjacking. Like, these are actual crimes. Attempted carjacking Like these are actual crimes Attempted carjacking Bro

Jail You should get 10 years Yeah Yeah Immediately Instead of Taking him off the streets He went

They just let him out They made him watch Like a A video Yeah On how to not Commit crimes Why not to victimize

Your community So he went out Stole another car, and ran over two women. Well, at least it was women. It was homeless women, too, so it was kind of two birds in one. Oh, he killed homeless guys? Well, put him back out on the street and let him

rent as many as he wants. That's a joke! Here's the thing. Yeah? Is, uh, fuck, I had something I was going to say, and I lost it. Do you like this shit? Do you think we got too many crimes, at least? I think that we need to, uh, look, again, it's what I was saying is, like, if you catch

a kid shoplifting at Target, you know, give them a slap on the wrist, whatever. But yeah, when they're a menace to the community, and they're a repeat offender, you gotta do something about it. We're not doing anything. The big problem is that the most people committing crimes are like young people, you know? What do you mean? Well, it's like most people commit crimes in their 20s, right? Because it's like you're an impulsive young man.

Young. Yeah, like teenagers. Adult. Teenagers, young adults. Yeah. So you gotta grab them when they're young, lock them up for 10 years until they're like 30 and then they come out. They're a little too tired.

Slower. They've been raped a couple times. Yeah. They've had the crime raped right out of them. I agree. A little slower. Joints are aching a little more. Exactly.

Yeah. How about instead of, yeah, instead of putting them in jail, we just artificially give them osteoporosis, so their bones are constantly aching. We just artificially Give them osteoporosis So their bones Are constantly aching We just feed them yogurt Yeah For three years We deprive them

Their digestion is amazing You're not allowed To drink any milk Your bones are gonna be terrible And you're not gonna be able To commit crimes Here we go Before

Before all this shit Crime was The lowest The lowest amount Of incarceration Rates Peaked in 2008 Everything was great

Do you remember That time period Where we were thinking Like you know Maybe we should not have All these laws And stuff Yeah

Everybody's acting Pretty good to each other Yeah we should reform Some of this stuff And then somehow That got fucked up Yeah You remember that

You remember that. You remember we didn't have all this fucking crime everywhere at some point. And then something fucked up. Well, it's always really hard to talk about these crime topics. Why? I know there are criminals doing it. It just seems like there's a certain demographic that really... You think they like it? Well, I just think...

No, they're getting all their shit stolen first. I think there's a community that needs to address, you know, the ideology of that community. White women. White women need to address this because they're causing this shit. The teachers, maybe we need more teachers to teach these kids right. Because right now they're just running around in their hooded sweatshirts. George Zimmerman was the, what do you call it? Where everything went wrong.

Yeah. Yeah. He was the needle. He was the golden glowing beacon. We're in trouble, folks. You don't think this is bad? I think it's bad. And now his son is there saying,

I'm even more political? I guess the problem is that, like, you know, where does George Soros live? He lives in, like... Billionaire land. Who cares? Well, I'm saying America has very unique problems where maybe in, like, certain countries you kind of have a more light-on-cr crime type thing and, you know, get people.

What is that? What do you call it? What are those countries like the Netherlands and stuff where you get like a Sweden, the capital of rapes? Yeah. Rape capital. The guy said we need to send all the immigrants home. That guy.

That's a different set of problems. I'm just saying, America, we have a very unique Cultural makeup Arrest these motherfuckers And again, we're not We don't do a good job of We should arrest them, but there should also be Once we arrest them in the prisons

Some sort of system That helps tell these people, listen man, you don't gotta be a piece of shit We're gonna get you a job We're gonna make you happy No, we're not doing that shit. Well, no. We're going to load you up on estrogen, bro. Yeah, we're going to make you a woman.

We're going to make you a fucking woman. Oh, forced cisification prison. Until you have tits bigger than kettles. That'll work. That's what we're doing. If we told all the shoplifters we're going to make you into a woman and you can't do anything about it, then they would stop because they'd be like, man, I don't want to be.

Who cares? It will be stopped one way or the other. And you can't do anything about it Then they would stop Because they'd be like Man I don't want to be I don't want that It will be stopped One way or the other Then every time you see A trans guy You'd go Well are you like Did you on purpose

Or were you like One of the prison trans guys That's fine That's fine Alright It's a little complicated Then I see Oh they're not even going

After prostitutes I'm like well Hold on Yeah leave the prostitutes alone Leave the prostitutes This is the problem you guys The consensual crime I don't care about. And again, with everybody like, I don't care about people selling fentanyl to each other.

I care about guys on fentanyl robbing other people, you know? Yeah. That's the problem. Yeah. Make the fentanyl free and make it really deadly. And that'll solve a lot of problems. A lot of problems. Put a little free birdseed sign in it.

I saw it. I saw it. it. I saw a news report. Free bird seed. Did you see it was like recently where it's like, we just, San Francisco just intercepted enough fentanyl to kill 3 million people. I'm like, why would you do that? Just hand it out. Why would you do that? You assholes. The solution is right there.

Why? They want it. Just give it to them. The solution is right there. Ugh. They want it. Just give it to them. The guy traveled through time to get that in there. Are you kidding me? You fucked it up in the last second? Do you know how many problems you could have solved? Oh, this is a really dark show, guys.

No. We don't want that. It's good to hate crime. I don't want anyone to OD on anything. Of course not. I wish I would know that. That's the best way to leave this mortal coil is fucking euthanizing yourself. Yeah, at least you had fun.

It's so good it's illegal. You got to like slip the nurse at 20 to give you the code for the morphine machine. If you're worried about the homeless crisis, I'm just saying, you know, there are solutions. Yeah. And one of them is let them have fun let them do what they want let them play in traffic it's my problem great problem dick well dick my problem is one relating to the free market as we know it it's the problem of artificial scarcity are you aware of that concept dick like of pretzel buns yeah pretzel funds so

that's the artificial scarcity of pretzel buns would pretzel buns That's The artificial scarcity Of pretzel buns Would be a good problem Yeah Absolutely It's when When production You know

Exists for an item And you theoretically Can produce infinite quantities Or much greater Than what you are producing But intentionally Limit the production To try and build

Artificial demand For the product Like women in compliments Sure They can say nice things Every day But they don't They don't They keep it From you To try and build artificial demand for the product. Like women in compliments. Sure. They can say nice things every day, but they don't. They don't. They keep it from you. Yeah.

So that when they do give you a compliment, it stays with you for the rest of your life. Well, some economic actions that can create artificial scarcity would be monopolies, patents. Yeah. The act of hoarding. Okay. Paywalls. Here's one you won't like.fts nfts are cool they're artificial scarcity though well yeah well i'll say this not all unique though not all artificial scarcity is terrible it's fine to have a limited edition product that you only put out a

certain number of you know there's only going gonna be this many uh flirks or and what are the shawnees uh did mr girl shit on us in that documentary he made about flirks kind of what the fuck well they didn't shit on us it was just kind of like nfts are a scam was his operating theory not that they're a scam. That they are... They have no inerrant value? Well, half the thing, half the video is him talking to a guy who's like an expert on like Ponzi schemes and stuff like that. They're not a Ponzi scheme, though.

Not a Ponzi scheme, no. But they're like they're like the... Why do you single out Stone Toss, though? Like Stone Toss is a lot of people just want to give him money. Right. That was the majority of works majority which is what i said in the if you watch the video he i interviewed with him and he's like yeah well i just don't understand how he made like a million dollars in like half an hour because we love him and well that's part of it and then the other part

of it is that nfts do have a built-in thing of like there is a speculator market that is like maybe this will go up Exponentially same with all these like alt Coins and whatever else And as I pointed out to him you know Like I was like you could buy Every you could have If you had 10 of those bored apes

And sold them you could buy every single Flirk you know yeah So why not buy a if a flirk even has You know one 100th chance of being worth A monkey like yeah yeah You're gambling those were his scam Yeah So why not buy a If a flark even has You know One one hundredth chance Of being worth a monkey Like eh Yeah you're gambling a little bit Those were a scam

The apes? Yeah he should have gone after those I think yeah Those were a hundred percent Like astroturfed by celebrities That got him for free Well I think Stone Toss was more accessible to him

And he did interview Stone Toss And then it turned into a whole thing Where he's been fighting with Stone Toss Really He did an interview with Stone Toss and then Stone Toss was like don't release any of that interview And he's like well I'm gonna I'm gonna release some of it Man honestly if you listen

To it Stone Toss doesn't even come out that bad in the Interview you should listen it was a good video you should listen I don't have an hour to listen to it It's like a podcast Alright anyway Another so what I wanted To get down to is I think some artificial scarcity is fine. I think there are times when it gets a little out of hand.

For instance, as we've talked about in the new Magic the Gathering set, there's a one of one, the one ring from Lord of the Rings. It's cool, though. It's only one ring. That's stupid. Like, I don't want these to just become lottery tickets, where literally people are now buying You know way more boxes than they would have

Come on like the golden Like Willy Wonka Five golden tickets Yeah that's fun man Had a bonus value of getting to go to this factory Owning the one ring Is no different from owning a regular copy of the one ring This one just has like a special insignia on it

Right now, the- I don't even want to go to the factory. Do you know what the bounty- Will he ever count on that? I don't want to go to the factory. I don't want to go to the dump factory. Fuck you. Well, then you can sell your golden ticket.

No, I don't want that either. Do you know what the current bounty is? I want to fuck up his story. He's clearly got an agenda with five. It's not as good of a story with four kids. I know. Dick's going to burn the world. He's the ultimate rebel.

Very brave of you. I wouldn't even go to his fucking gay chocolate factory. What kind of jaded childhood did you have? Who watches Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and goes, I wouldn't want to go. Something's wrong with you. I listen to all these dumb songs. Fuck you.

Is this a musical? It's just a musical. It's just a musical. I could just paint a regular midget and have it sing. It's no different. I'm not going to cats. I'm not going to your fucking dumb factory. Fuck you.

Just give me the candy. The most jaded, unmagical childhood I imagine. The current bounty deck for the Lord of the Rings one-of-one card, right now one store, is offering 2 million euros, the equivalent value of 2.1 million U.S. dollars. For that one card? For that one card. Has someone found it yet? It has not yet been found.

Probably someone probably snagged it off the line, man. Well, I think they're probably, They don't release Every box at once It's possible That like the box Is still sitting in the warehouse Waiting to get sent out It would be stupid For them to send it out

In the first batch of boxes Because then someone finds it And the whole fucking FOMO Lottery ticket race Is immediately over You know I just don't buy it

Remember when the McDonald's used to do That Monopoly Yeah Someone was It turned out a guy Was stealing all the. All the pieces, yeah.

All the good ones, yeah. Yeah. Remember that? I do remember that. There's a documentary about it I haven't watched yet. Oh. Doesn't sound like that interesting a story, honestly. Yeah, not really.

It does kind of feel like, doesn't McDonald's owe us all if the. Yes. Contest was corrupt? Yeah. Don't they have to give us back All the money we spent on McDonald's No Well there is such a thing as natural scarcity Dick For instance in the world of comics

Natural scarcity would be for instance A copy of maybe Action Comics Number one The first appearance of Superman Where it was published as a normal item It was not produced As a special magic collectible And has become scarce

Due to its age and the amount that are Remaining out there and the condition Artificial scarcity would be If you have a anti-woke comic And you produce 5,000 copies of a Stupid foil cover and sell Them for $100 each

Oh So artificial scarcity would them for $100 each. So artificial scarcity would be a $100 foil comic book that you advertise as only 5,000 copies being available. How rare is that, Dick? There's only 5,000 copies and they're $100 each. copies and they're a hundred dollars each there are so many guys buying isom that are just getting raped like only fans simps like you can see it you can see how it's crafted so the guys who are like in the anti-woke cult who think they're owning the libs and they're really just owning me like it's turned into we're owning only Dick Masterson by buying this comic because no one cares. People don't even care enough about the comic to pirate it.

Yeah. And then those are like the buy-in simps, and then it's like every level of simpery above that, there's a price point for you to invest in. Signed, pre-graded, 100. Signed, pre-graded, double signed, double pre-graded 9.8 $300.

Is it $300 for a 9.8? It's like the most blatant monopoly pricing that I have ever fucking seen. Worse than like bottle service. It's OnlyFans. It's like the OnlyFans. You can send me a text for $5. You can send me a text and I'll send you like a Polaroid for a hundred bucks.

I really just want Eric Geli to sell shares in his company. I want him to do that because then all these guys who just want to throw money at him can just get it all done at once. Yeah. Just buy a portion of it. Instead, and what drives me nuts is it's like, well, the whole idea or what he keeps saying is like, we just respect the customer so much. We're not doing Black Voice anymore? That's what we're doing. It'll seep in here and there.

Look. Gotta let it happen naturally. Yeah. Marvel and DC doesn't respect the customer. We respect the customer. And our way of- That's why we're letting you make money off this by selling you foil variants signed by me. Buy a $100 foil comic.

Pre-graded. Pre-graded to $100 so you don't have to by me. Buy a $100 foil comic. Pre-graded. Pre-graded to $100 so you don't have to send it away for a $15 grade in. And as we've been having conversations with these people, they go, well, how is $100 a rip off if in a year it's going to be worth, as one guy said, up to 10 times the amount Two to 10 times. Why stop there? Why stop there? Two to 10 times. Why stop there? Why stop there? Two to 10. Why not two to a million?

I think it's going to be worth a million dollars next year. See, this is the problem with artificial scarcity when you have a time-limited product, which is priced at an exorbitant amount with a certain number available. Nobody other than Eric Jalai's audience is interested in this shit and he's like maximizing the amount of money he can extract by loading it up with special variant covers and like other spin-off books yeah written by people who don't fucking care like they're just cashing a check right you're right it is in our offense i'm sure they're great but who the fuck would want to write somebody else a moron's characters?

Nobody wants to, if you're, like, if you're writing a character, you at least want to write, like, an awesome character. You're like, oh, Superman, oh, I'm writing fucking Dread. Oh, yeah, like, oh, yeah, how'd you like to write my, uh. How would you like to write the adventures of that guy Isom crashed into in the first episode of Isom? I guess, man, it's a check's a check. first episode of isom i guess man it's a check's a check i'm gonna dump my heart and soul into writing this re this book that only appeals to fucking retards that leave it in a glass that leave it in a plastic case i just think respecting the customer would be if you're gonna charge them 100 bucks give them like a bunch of cool stuff for instance my comic for $100, you get a lunch box and some pens.

No, it's all cool. I think that stuff is cool. So that's the difference between me and Eric. I know Eric knows his $100 foil cover is a rip-off. I know he knows that. Whereas I go, my $100 tier, I'm like, yeah, it's all stupid stuff,

but it's cool, stupid stuff that I want. You got any pogs? Yeah, it has pogs has pogs Jesus and a slammer it comes with a metal metal yeah it's cool like a metal metal coin I forgot they make challenge coins out of I'll probably be like I made out of iron I think respecting the customer is to not get them into this weird Speculator scheme where again I see people going Well I bought three copies of that cover Because I'm going to flip two of them

And I'm like to who? Who else is going to buy this? To whom? To whom? Point is artificial scarcity is terrible And on an unrelated note Super Killer is only available for another two weeks guys and then it's gone forever

so you have to get it now no I mean you'll be able to buy it in other ways but you just get it for free with the digital copy right you won't get the trading cards those are gonna be those are cool but no you should get in before the end of the campaign because otherwise you're gonna have to wait

or have I told you about my unwoke comic that I'm making? What is that? It's just going to be all blank and it's going to just be only the most unwokest of people can read it. Yeah. You think that'd be too on the nose? I bet it's not on the nose enough, actually. I don't know.

I'm going to call it the emperor's new comic. I'm the emperor of unwokenness. The true anti-woke comic. The only anti-wokeness. I obviously The true anti-woke comic The only anti-wokeness I obviously Am very anti-woke And I made this I hate

All of the people That you guys are always Talking about And there's only one And it's 10 million dollars I walked out of the Second Spider-Man movie Cause there's so many blacks

In a There was a lot of As soon as the Mexican guy Showed up I said There goes the neighborhood There goes the neighborhood. There goes the multiverse.

Don't you think it's funny that it's like a black guy, a Mexican guy, and a woman. And they're like, well, we fucked up the whole multiverse. I think you're reading too much into it. And then the white guy shows up with a baby. The white guy did not necessarily save the day either. He was part of the problem. I think you're really Going out of your way Superkiller.org Guys

And Dick's Anti-woke comic book Masterpiece Will be coming soon That All blank though Yeah Right

Honestly I was thinking The other day If someone just made You know Rex Sexton Pedophile Hunter They would probably do Pretty well for themselves

All these guys Who want to watch these videos where they like confront a pedophile and like a Kmart or whatever. Yeah. What you really want is for like a punisher type guy to go, then show up from around the corner and go like a judge dread for pedophiles. Well, judge dread is already that. Judge ped.

We should do it. Oh man. It writes itself. You've been found. It's just lolly, man. It's just lolly. They're not real. Now you're not real.

Have you seen how the Ripiverse guys get upset if you do hashtag Ripiverse on comics that aren't theirs? Yes, I've started doing it. It's funny. They're saying, like, you should do a cease and desist on, like, a Japanese comic. Some guy put out a tweet. He's like, hey, check out my comic, hashtag Ripiverse. And a Ripiverse employee Showed up to go

You do not have the right To use that hashtag That is our hashtag They're very Chill bro It's not the n-word These guys are They're really out there man

They're like retarded At least they fixed The glaring spelling error On their campaign finally Oh did Mantel Mantel Yeah Howie Mantel

The paragraph itself Still written It's written by like A fifth grader I'm like guys Can't you just hire Oh, Mantel? Howie Mantel? The paragraph itself is still written. It's written by like a fifth grader. I'm like, guys, can't you just hire like a copy editor to write decent copy for you? Stop writing stuff. Plug it into ChatGP. ChatGP will write it for you. Put a buy button, bro.

You don't need to spend all this time writing anything. You got to get that animation, though. That's what matters. Pedophile Punisher. The pedophile? And he has to explain, no, I'm not a pedophile. Everyone's like, wow,'s what matters Pedophile Punisher The pedophile And he has to explain No I'm not a pedophile And everyone's like

Wow aren't you Pedophile Punisher Are you a pedophile No I'm the pedophile Punisher I'm pedophile Punisher Why aren't you The pedophile Punisher

Because I don't want I don't want the That makes it more That makes it too confusing Pedophile Punisher Cause then what are you gonna say I'm the the pedophile

I'm pedophile Punisher So you're the pedophile Punisher Cause then what are you gonna say I'm the the pedophile I'm pedophile Punisher So you're the pedophile Punisher Well but if you're talking to me You just call me pedophile Punisher That makes it sound like You're the pedophile Dammit I want a different name now

Alright so pedophile Punisher And Judge Ped Will be coming soon From uh Dick Masterson's Anti-woke comics Incorporated Oh yeah

It's the comics gonna be whatever you want. Again? Test one. There, there, there. Okay, it's back. I don't know why it's doing that lately. That was weird. I need to get a new computer.

Okay, my problem is needing to pee when you're in bed. I'm going to challenge this problem. What are you going to challenge? You left out half the equation What's that? Needing to poo when you're in bed No one has What?

No one needs to poop when they're I do I'm constantly having to get out of bed to take a shit It's awful I'm all comfy under the fucking thing And it's like, ah, man, you better go You better go dump it out Has this happened to you your whole life? I don't know and it's like ah man you better go you better go dump it out Is this happening your whole life? I don't know if it's me. Yeah, I think so. You just always had to take

Like splattering shit Italian way life. We love shitting And we hate it. Yeah, our curse. It's our blessing and our curse. Well for most people it's like pee Yeah, you have to pee When you get in bed like pee I'm more able to ignore. It's like the poo is like aggressive. So you're in bed and you snuggle in. Yeah, I'm all comfy under there. And you're like, oh, I got to take a shit.

And then I have some bowel urgency. Do you have regular like shit times or are they just all over the place? You can just grab a bottle from next to the bed. You don't do that though, right? No, I don't do that. All right. Over two thirds of men and women over 70 urinate.

I would hope 100% of all women over 70 men. Oh, sorry. At least once per night. Wait a minute. What'd you hit? 70? Did one thirds of people

stop urinating? That's fascinating. All right. And up to 60% go twice or more. Really? Go twice or more? 60% of people go pee? When they're older?

When you're old? Oh, over 70. Whoops, I didn't read that part. Okay. Well, that's not a very good stat then. Look at me guessing at your stats even better than you are. Yeah, old people have frequent bladder and bowel urgency. Thankfully, the adult undergarment industry continues to grow.

I need to look up a better stat then. How many people get up to pee at night? That's why we famously had chamber pots back in the day. Oh, here we go. One in three adults over the age of 30 experience nocturia. They had to name this. Nocturia. It's like Narnia.

Sounds cool, yeah. I want to go there. Nocturia. It's like Dreamland. Like Nemo's going to take me there. What if there was a movie? Just about pissing at night. You get sent to it.

You go into a secret. It's like Friday the 13th, but you have to go to sleep when you have to piss. Yeah. And then you go in like piss land. Yeah, you pee open a portal and you fall through your bed. 50 million people in the U.S. have nocturia. What do you mean have nocturia? Like have experienced nocturia?

They have nocturia. 50 million people. Has anyone in the world never needed to pee in the middle of the night? That's everyone. 100% of people have that. I guess two out of three adults do not ever have to pee at night. Bullshit. That's not true.

100% of all adults have to pee at night sometimes. Urologists are just liars. This is from the urology care. They're the same ones that go like, oh yeah, you get four hour erections with, um, uh, Viagra. Oh, four hours. Oh, how many have you seen? How many guys have you seen that do that?

Uh, none. But you could imagine. I do think that a lot of these, uh, I just bought a bunch of the, you know, those dentist scraping tools. Yeah. Cause I think it's bullshit. I'm like, I just bought a bunch of, you know, those dentist scraping tools. Yeah. Because I think it's bullshit. I'm like, I want to scrape my own plaque. I don't even think you need a dentist to do it.

Do you leave them out like lying around, your homemade swap meet dentist tools? They're not homemade. They're like stainless steel. Now I just like, you know, if I feel something weird in my teeth, I just start scraping. So you're doing your own dental work? Yeah. You want to get in? No.

I could do you. It comes with one of those little mirrors. Is there a lot of blood going around? Yeah, a ton. Look, I'm not like the best with them, but I'm getting there. Why do you want to get your plaque off so bad? I don't know. Because they say plaque is bad. And then like...

So yeah, maybe it is. I'm finding out. Do you get it in reverse? On the back of your teeth? Yeah, well it's got that hook. Are you serious? You're really doing your own dental cleanings? Yeah, I'm doing my own dental cleanings now. You know they're free with insurance. Well.

They'll bother you to come in. They say to come in too much. What they do is they go, oh, it's been a while, huh? You know what? Maybe I'll do like a quick cleaning and then I'll go in for the deep one. They'll go, well, you must have just seen the dentist recently. So little

to tackle. And I go, well, what can I say? I would love to hear a dentist react after you cleaned your teeth i'll probably go oh my god and what's wrong with your gums your gums are receiving like a fucking 80 year old man horrible scarring on all your gums did you know it was called nocturia no next time you have to neither did you at night just remember it was called nocturia? No. Next time you have to pee at night, just remember it's called nocturia. Oh, I got nocturia.

What is it called when you gotta poop at night? That's not, no one has a word for that because it doesn't happen. I bet there is. Nocturia? Nocturia. What is it called when you need to take a dump at night? You want some tips for relief?

Wouldn't it be to piss before you go to bed? No. Okay. Drink less. Excessive daytime sleepiness. That's what it can cause. So look, there's a huge problem it can cause. Accidents.

If you're driving around and you get too sleepy, you could drive right off the road. You could fuck up at work. You could accidentally look at pornography at work by forgetting where you are because you're so sleepy. You could cheat on your wife if you forget. Nocturnal diarrhea, but that's not what we're talking about. Kind of is. I think you should just go to whatever is close to your problem. Have you heard about tenesmus?

What's that? It's the feeling you need to pass stool, even though your bowels are already empty. Ooh, that's, Oh, that's a whole thing. It's called cocaine. Do you wake up to poop?

Here's what your body's trying to tell you. Uh, there may be some factor that overstimulates your, but you have an infection. Oh my God. Maybe it's your DIY. That you're making or you're, we have doctors, you know, it's more, Ozympic that you're making Or your We have doctors you know

You keep voting for them It is fun how much of my healthcare is just like I just can't be bothered To make a doctor's appointment and show up to it But you're doing it yourself Yeah so I got the Ozympic myself And I got the surgical tools myself And I got that little camera to go on my ears myself

Oh I got one of those Did you find a lot of gold in there? No there was like nothing in there I thought there would be something in there And I got the surgical tools myself And I got that little camera to go on my ears myself Oh I got one of those Yeah they're fun Did you find a lot of gold in there? No there was like nothing in there I thought there'd be some in there That's my girlfriend too She got it for herself There's nothing in there

But there was a shitload in mine I really You gotta watch those videos where guys have like a shit ton of wax in there It's awesome Okay I wish I was a wax doctor Alright getting up in the middle of the night to pee Yep

Nocturia But not to poo Nocturia So if you think that Pooing in the middle of the night is pee. Yep. Nocturia. But not to poo. Nocturia. So if you think that pooing in the middle of the night is a problem, you cannot use that. I'll put nighttime diarrhea up there, too. No, don't put nighttime. It's called nocturnal diarrhea. Nocturnal.

Nocturnal. No, but that's different. Because it's not always diarrhea. Well, then you can fucking vote on it, then. Just put getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. No. Mine is only for peeing. Okay.

I don't want a bunch of shitters. Make it a pee problem. Okay. Nocturia. Tell you what.. Okay. I don't want a bunch of shitters. Make it a pee problem. Okay, nocturia. Tell you what. Here's what I want to do. George Soros. Shut up. I want you to put up needing to get up in the middle of the bathroom to pee.

I want you to put up needing to get in the middle of the night to poo. That's what I was going to do. And mine is the poo one and yours is the pee one. Right. That's what I was going to do. That's why I said nocturia and nocturnal diarrhea. Don't call it nocturnal diarrhea because it's not the actual technical term. Well what do you want it to fucking be called then?

Call it noctur- call it... Night pooping? Yeah, night pooping. Okay, night pooping. That's way better. Night pooping. Night pooping is way more of a problem than night peeing, alright? Nocturia.

Nocturia might be'm not using your fucking crass slang. Nocturia might be more common, but night pooping is worse because you're like, oh God. No one has fucking night pooping, bro. And also when you night poop, sometimes it's just like it's harder to poop because you were so comfortable for so long. Because peeing is easy. It's so easy to pee.

Pooping is like involved. Oh, I got to get up to pee. It takes two seconds. You shouldn't be eating right before you go to bed. Night pooping, you're like, oh God, how long am I going to be here? I just want to get back to bed. You can't rush it, you know? Right. Night pooping is worse.

You're rushing when you're going into the bathroom. You're rushing when you're coming out. What are you when you're in the bathroom? American. European. European. All right. I fucked that joke up.

Okay. What were your joke up. Okay. What were your problems? Battery corrosion. Great problem for me. Should be number one. Battery corrosion. And artificial scarcity. Artificial scarcity.

And on an unrelated note, you can get four copies of Super Killer for the price of one foil ice arm cover. Can you believe it Did you see eric's allies people are Quoting how much Per page Isom is versus my comic They're like well by page Your comics actually eight cents more

Per page and i'm like yeah but that's like Not how you value i just can't believe they argue Anything like anything that anybody Says they just argue it to death. You'd think he would tell his employees, like, hey, just stop. You're making us look goofy. He's, like, retarded. Yes.

Somebody said we should look at his music. Backwards is the name of his band. With a Z. With a Z. It's apparently libertarian music To get your heart pumping Backwards Yo with a Z Yo check out my

Well it's also backwards So like You know like Words that you say No it's not Yeah so back Words Like with an O

With a Z Yeah with an O And then ending with a Z Is he a white woman in disguise? Is that Or a teenaged white White teenager Is he doing white woman in disguise? Is that Or a teenaged white teenager. Is he doing shoe polish

thing and a big fake beard like Abraham Lincoln beard? Maybe we'll have to listen to some Backwards at some point. Oh my God. Backward Backwards

Backwards I got lots of words. How many Z's? Only one sadly. Seems like a triple z situation would have really okay brought them to the heights some uh get your super chats in now hey dick hey veto the biggest problem in the universe is bluetooth low battery notifications oh you know when you have a bluetooth speaker or bluetooth headphone yeah um and when you start to get to your lower battery uh what

it does is it will every like fucking minute and a half like make a little noise yeah or be like low battery please charge low battery what the fuck is the point of that that just wastes my last 30 percent of battery because i'm not gonna fucking listen to music when every fucking minute i have to listen to it go brr brr or low battery please charge it's stupid it pisses me off so bad who thought of this why biggest problem in the universe 100 love the show keep doing what you're doing thank you that is it does like the whole low battery. Low battery. Low battery. I don't use too many Bluetooth devices, thankfully. How about a Bluetooth ear set? I need to actually use it.

What's an ear set? An earpiece. You know, when you're in the car. Yeah. Get AirPods. Oh, you have an Android, though. Yeah, because I don't buy that cheap. Get like shit pods or whatever.

Cheap pods or whatever the version of that for that is. Maybe. Green pods. I miss having a whatever the version of that for that is. Maybe. Green pods. I miss having a headphone jack, I'll tell you that. Phone it up. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito. Two minutes.

No. No. Why am I being good? It's two minutes. You know what I realize is one of the biggest problems? Why it might be good It's two minutes You know what I realize Is one of the biggest problems

Anytime I go to A new workplace Every now and then You know I've been switching jobs Here and there Oh my god Yeah

Just get to it Every now and then You know I've been switching jobs Here and there You guys I don't want a two minute voicemail I don't care about you

I don't care about your life I don't care about your family Just What care about your life I don't care about your family Just What is the problem And why Say it first at least To help you focus your thoughts Yes

Well the other day I was getting an apple Normally I would get a green apple But today I had a red apple For some reason And God Hey Dick

Hey Vito Hey So I fucking missed Last week's episode I went to go see that Spider-Man movie It was fucking awesome, it was a great movie But then I got home And I started watching the episode

And I gotta say, Vito really pissed me off Spider-Gwen was Fucking so fucking hot Like, are you kidding me? And then I get home and I get Vito telling me She's a dick the whole fucking time Like the only thing that kept me involved in the movies, how fucking hot this girl was. And, uh, then Vito's telling me she's a fucking penis.

Like, fuck him. Like, I agree with trans rights and shit, but let, let me have my moment, dude. Like you fucking ruined a movie for me. What are you talking about? I wish you guys, I'm happy you don't kill yourselves, but you know, peace, bye, fuck yourself. Dude, you're making out with Spider Gwen. You know, you're, you're making out With Spider Gwen You know You're rubbing up On that spider costume

When you reach down And her little spider chub Is poking out of the And you say What are these eggs What is this Your egg sack And she goes

Guess again The worst part is Apparently Spider Gwen is supposed To be 15 But cartoon rules Come on No no

I added it up Last night we were watching the first one. I thought she was 15 in the first one. Shouldn't she be older now? Well, Miles, I think, says he's 15 or 16 in the second one, but that's six months after the first movie, and she

says in the first movie, 15 months older than you, so I think she's 17, and she's also, it's hinted that she's sleeping with that black guy. But the age of consent is 16 in the UK, so I think she's 17. So I don't feel as bad. When he takes his mask off and he's a black guy, what was your first thought? I was like, well, I don't know

I forget exactly how I felt Okay me too I was a little like I was a little like Oh I thought it would be like a British guy 80s 80s punk Yeah

British I thought it would be like an 80s British punk Yeah It wasn't picturing Oh okay That's fine Yeah I was picturing like a Johnny Rotten type character Yeah

Okay You know what? It's fun that they caught me a little off guard People can be different Than what you expect Um There was black British punks in the 80s, weren't there? Yeah, we walked out of the movie

And I said, I can't believe they made the Mexican guy a bad guy It was like black people versus Mexicans again My girlfriend goes What do you mean the bad guy? I said, the Mexican guy, a bad guy. It was like black people versus Mexicans again. My girlfriend goes, what do you mean the bad guy? I said, the Mexican guy that's future Spider-Man was the bad guy. He goes, he was the bad guy? I said, well, he was trying to kill that kid the whole movie. And she goes, oh, I guess I just kind of got where he was coming from.

He was not the only bad guy, though. There was the spot as well. That guy was cool. That guy was cool That guy was cool I think they did Again it's Miller and Lord They do very good work Yeah but they fucked up that Indian thing man

Should've wiped out that whole Universe Alright alright We'll take it up with them Alright Alright Loaded up Losing shit

You ever have fucking days Where You feel Pants on head Retarded Yes Where You just lose Alright, loaded up, losing shit You ever have fucking days where You feel pants on head retarded Yes Where you just lose so much fucking time To losing shit I just had to run back To my buddy's place because I left my phone there

Then I had to run back to my Like the bar we were at Because we, I left my car there Sounds like you're making excuses To see your friend again I walked about two hours just today and fucking losing shit vote it up I'm dumb

bye vote it up I always lose my keys couldn't find my keys today where were they under a trash bag hmm fascinating story okay here we go hey boys if you think Eric Gioia's fucking comic books are bad Hmm. Fascinating story. Okay. Here we go. Hey, boys.

If you think Eric Giroir's fucking comic books are bad, you should check out his music. He has a band called Backwards. Yeah. Spelled B-A-C-K-W-R-D-Z. It's like metal. Wait, wait, wait. How is it spelled? It's the way I said.

Kind of good because they replaced him with a guy. He has a band called Backwards. Spelled B-A-C-K-W-R-D-Z. It's like metalcore and then he raps in it. It's also inspired from the gods. That band's actually kind of good because they replaced him with a guy who looks like him

but can actually sing. All right. He got replaced in his own band? Is that what he said? He said another band but he's also said it, spelled it differently than you. No, he spelled it. No, he spelled it. I think he said He said another band But he's also said it Spelled it differently than you There's no O

No he spelled it I think he said the O So quickly That you couldn't see I know how it's spelled Why Eric July Cause I know Eric

I know all of the Eric July lore man Backwards Oh you're right That guy was wrong And again All the songs are about like Are you serious

Like you know The government's coming To take away your roads or some shit Well, I'm more worried about what's happening with my bikes Who's taking those away Okay We'll have to find a good backwards track to play on the show Somebody go listen to all of Eric Jalai's music and let us know what the best track is Here's a track that I have

Let us know This is from Kendall and Hyde Okay It's Not Your Friend From the official Vitoverse Soundtrack You know that Kendall and Hyde is doing like

A special comic universe about you Yeah I don't know why he's doing that Because it's funny Because everyone sees this. Is everyone going to make a comic about everybody else at this point? Yeah, they all see how funny it is. All right. Here's a song.

It's like a big retard. Yeah. That can't take criticism even a little tiny bit. I do think there's a part of him that's really upset that there's's this little community that's like just making fun of him all the time. Well, you know what you can't buy? Like you can't buy respect. No. You can buy a car.

You can buy a warehouse and you can buy employees that kiss your ass. Yeah. But if your art isn't any good, no one will respect you. And when it became clear that that's what he thought he had he thought he had artistic respect no he thought that like everybody in his circle was like yeah you really are a great artist yeah as opposed to you're a guy that i can potentially make money from yeah and i want to be a part of the money that you've made bro how can i get some of your money you're so talented and incredible you like my how can i get some of your money? You're so talented and incredible.

How can I get some of that money? You respect my talent? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How can I get some more of that money that you have that I want? That's the best part of all of this. Well, like that one guy who keeps going at you still hasn't even read his comic. And I'm like, just read the comic, man. I'm okay with having a couple million dollars. I'm okay with like having a couple million dollars and like no one's making fun of my art all the time versus like having, you know, four times that.

And people are like, well, you're what you made sucks. Yeah. That's the scenario you would aim for. Yeah. I don't think that's worth it. If somebody said, well, you can have like, we'll give you like two times as much two or three times your money you can avoid the people telling you how much you suck all the time if you just weren't a big baby about it yeah yeah well you know you're allowed to have your criticism and that's fair probably good points if you aren't obsessed with monetizing your haters or whatever okay this is from ken dollenhyde called not your friend i'm excited from the

veto verse the veto verse soundtrack why am i worried about what's about to happen here Okay, this is from Ken Dahlenheid called Not Your Friend. I'm excited. From the Vitoverse. The Vitoverse soundtrack. Why am I worried about what's about to happen here? I love you guys, but I'm not your brother. I'm not your friend. I'm not your mother. I'm not your daddy, but call me that. If you're Eric Juley, because your comics whack. Now I'm fighting online with isomobs.

Twitter threads that start out nice and calm turn to threats on my life with knives and bombs. I want to slide right in like a cotton swab. Smooth. Read tweet retorts. You say, Vito's on my life with knives and bombs. When I slide right in like a cotton swab. Smooth. Read tweet retorts. You say, Fido's a pedo. Your last resort.

It's been done to death like a kidnapped kid. I'll demolish you. Star Wars cruise ship. Super killer's all I have fucking passion for. On my way to the bank so I'm laughing more. Just a little bit of cash all I'm asking for. COVID's over now, what am I masking for? Metaphorically.

I was hiding my emotions. But I'm deep like the ocean. Now I'm like a fish floating. Got my eyes wide open. My little things won't work. I'm paralyzed. Internal pressure still hooked on the thought that it might get better, but I kind of freak out when I read a fan letter like, that's kind of fucked.

Two hours sleep, that's kind of rough. Cry a bit, then freestyle off the cuff. Please forget all the feline vagina stuff. Arizona iced tea for my cotton mouth. 99 cents, that's what I'm talking about Time to hop on Twitter to whine about All the people on Twitter whining about other people Wait, I hate myself

My inception, my last supper might be now If you don't buy my book and vote it up I'll bring your family to Greenland, you bunch of cucks No messy ads, I don't have a wife So the art in my book is extra nice See, look what I bought for my centerfold A tight Asian twat, getting tentacles I'm a plush peddler and I can't stop ring-ringing.

It's the goddamn sweatshop. You whip us off, we stand toy. You charge back credit card. It's hard in the West getting by the hassle. Fast food ain't cheap. What the fuck, asshole? Hold your rickshaws, no need to shout. I had good reasons, hear me out.

My rent was due, bought the new Zelda. Also got a quite hella cute waifu, the plastic type. I keep this up in a jar to fill it up at night. Those not good weeds into the castle payment. Welcome to castle culture, baby. And your toys are defective. That's right. They don't work as intended.

No one buys. Don't love you guys, but I kind of do. Intended. No one buys. Don't love you guys, but I kind of do. You all make me sick, but I eat your poo. All it takes is like maybe a grand. That's a good recovery.

Magic cards ain't cheap. What's that mean? Good recovery. I can be your pal. I can be your pal. I can be your buddy. I can be your friend. Please give me money. I can be your daddy if you buy my book. It's called Super Killer. Please have a look. Oh, yeah.

Now you gotta do that same reaction again because I messed it up with the recording. That was an incredible rap song. We did not have any technical recordings. Is it still streaming correctly? Yeah, it's still streaming correctly, I think. Fantastic. Thank you, Kendall song. We did not have any technical recordings. No. Is it still streaming correctly? Yeah, it's still streaming correctly, I think. Fantastic.

Thank you, Kendall and I. There it is. I think the ultimate message that resonated with me from that rap song was, bye, super killer. You have two weeks, really? Yeah, there's two weeks left. What are you at right now? We were at 48K earlier.

I'm hoping that this PKA appearance Oh yeah Helps Oh yeah I was on PKA I'm gonna be going on Sitchin' Adam

Go to the top Click that thing Uh I might go on a couple other shows Oh hey we made a You're fucking better man Like a hundred bucks You better

I think at this Now's the time You gotta break Okay Alright You gotta break a million bucks I'm not gonna break a hundred bucks? You better. I think at this time you gotta break. Okay. Alright. You gotta break a million bucks. I'm not gonna break a million bucks. I think we're on track to hit probably maybe 60,000.

Again, I want to hit a thousand backers before the end of the campaign. That would be great. What's your catchphrase for your fundraising? Buy it or I'll kill myself. What do you mean? Oh yeah, that's a good one. I remember that. Oh, as opposed to we will win?

Yeah, we will win. Hashtag save Vito's life. I like that the marketing campaign has a catchphrase, but the comic doesn't. Like all the story elements are in the marketing and zero are in the actual comic. Dude, it's honestly depressing that we're entering an era like i'm like was this what it was always about like yeah but think about how

money i mean but this is the 90s comic speculation thing yeah or it wasn't like hey man have you read you know x-men number one it's how many copies of x-men number one did you buy to eventually flip and put your children through college yeah and that's it's like, well, is the book good? It's like none of that matters. How many copies of X-O Manowar, number one, did you buy from Valley? Actually, I wonder what a number one copy of X-O Manowar goes for. That's why I don't buy anything. I just pirate it.

That's probably the way to be. Anyway, guys, thanks for getting in. Don't forget, get in your super chats now because we're going to read them. If you enjoyed this episode, why not check out all our bonus episodes at patreon.com slash biggestproblem, as well as back.by slash biggestproblem. And don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. Riley Edwards for 220 Canadian. Tess Holliday weighs 308 pounds.

I'm guessing Vito is 309. Close. One pound more on Tess Holliday. What was I, like 311? Two pounds more. Yeah, you were like 311. I was like 311. Gun Ranger for 10.

Biggest problem in the universe, reinventing the chip bag. It used to be you just pulled it apart and had an opening at the top. You could even roll it up after. Now bags want you to tear one side like a shotgun wound. It sucks. Yeah, you got to like, have you seen those? No. It's like it has like a like, have you seen those? No. It's like,

it has like a little edge and you tear it, but then it tears in a triangle. It's like, well, how do I stick my, it used to be, boom, you open like that,

but then they reinforced it so much that now if you do that, it will rip them aside. Why are the bags so reinforced? I don't know. To keep more air in or something? Yeah, women. I don't know.

Do you remember when they had those sunship bags that were like slightly better for the environment but they literally, you could hear them from across a room? Yeah.

Those are fun. Koo for two. Thank you all for not killing yourselves. Thank you. Joke's on you. Vito is already dead. This episode was pre-recorded.

Jay for five. I eat poo. Good work, Jay. John Rips for five. The Dick Show has gone woke. They recast Maddox with a gay black guy. Is that true?

I don't think so. Okay. Well, I hope not. David Gomez for two. Hat sizes. I want to send you guys koofies. I don't know what my hat size is. Seven to five-eighths.

Do you know your hat size? Yeah. Well, you have a giant head, right? Yeah. I have a giant head. So whatever you send Dick. You're probably bigger than. Yeah, you're probably about my size.

Yeah. What size is the takeoff here? I have to have one snap. Oh, no. That's. You might be seven and a half. I'll have to measure it. We'll have to get a tape measure.

Okay. Aim big is what I say. ABQ Hasley for five. On the subject of independent comics, what are your opinions on the Canadian comics Cerebus the Artwork by Dave Sim? your opinion on the Canadian Comics Cerebus the artwork by Dave Sim you know I never read Cerebus Uh he's an interesting Guy and didn't he get cancelled because he was like

He's like very Christian so he's Obviously like normally homophobic Do you know anything about Cerebus no Cerebus one of the most interesting things Is that uh the dog No he's like an aardvark Wow you'd know him if you saw him but one of the early tmnt issues i think it was like issue six was the tmnt hanging out with cerebus

okay but dave sim had all the rights so they can't reprint tmnt six and dave sim just put it up himself he's like well it's the only way you can get it because I own it. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And you're like, hey, what a smart guy. Yeah, what a fucking great. Got the rights to one of the first TMNT comics. See, I should read more of that. Solid BM for five. Will Vito be a Mr. Rogers or a Jimmy Savile? I think I have the energy of a Jimmy Savile with less of the child molestation, thankfully.

Where do you get your energy then? That is probably what kept him so spry in those later days. Wouldn't you be excited? Yeah, exactly. Like, oh man, the only place I could rape kids is at work, and I really want to rape kids, so I'm here! What's up, everybody? All day long, he's exhausted,

and he just sees that audience full of smiling children. He's like, all right, time to turn it on. Time to turn on the charm. That would be me on like a scores cruise. Oh shit! Every day I get this? That's a good point. World renowned Geohound for $4.99.

Oh, oh, I hate phonies and love calling them out. So screw you, Josh. No, we love Josh. I'll be nice. Proud of you Vito and Dick. Chances on ISOM2 being good Zero I'm not gonna say zero I don't know

Cause he could've hired somebody else To like come in And tell him how to write it You can't save it though There's no reason for him To be in the story You can't repair How stupid the universe

Has started off But maybe It could go somewhere I mean look Eric July Like autistic Like At least he looks like he's there's no reason to have a warehouse

Except for this autistic Like need to Pretend to live in Like the 70s and 80s when Building a business meant like Handling every part of it That's so stupid The idea of him

Relinquishing control to like a ghost Writer is as preposterous as just not having like his website went down because i assume i assume he built it from scratch there's no reason an e-commerce site should go down for 10 000 orders right a day or whatever like whatever tiny amountount he's processing All he had to do was get like Like WP Engine and WooCommerce And just say, hey, what's your

Dedicated hosting package? $40,000 A month? Like $50,000? That's fine We can put, scaling out, but he just Has this weird obsession with controlling Every part of it, just like Maddox did Um, I don't, I don't think It will be good, I don't think there's any chance of it being good.

What about Blood Ruth? What's that? That's the new character, Dick. What's Blood Ruth? She's like a black lady but she's got like, I think she's got like magic powers. Blood Ruth? Is she a vampire? I assume she's a vampire. It's so dumb.

I mean, my ultimate thing is that I'm like, are there really people who are like, I want this basic bitch superhero universe again? Like, I thought we did all that. Aren't we done with that? Like, what if there was, like, everybody keeps saying, oh, well, I sometimes return to, like, street-level superheroes, like, solving crimes and fighting bad guys. i'm like that sounds pretty boring right because he's

retarded well it's not good writing that's the only problem i have with it is that it's written poorly by someone who is stupid and never took the time to learn how to fucking write i would pay money to see what his scripts look like because I somehow imagine just this chicken scratch of like, then Isam fights another security guard. Then he punches this security guard like this. I'd pay him money. I'd pay money to see him read a single paragraph in a book because I don't think he can fucking read

without a ball bouncing on every word. I also agree with that. Spider Eternal says, why were you crying? Go down a little bit. Spider Eternal says, why were you crying? Go down a little bit. Oh, sorry. Why were you crying before the show, Vito?

I don't think I was. I saw a couple comments in the chat. You weren't crying. No. Your glasses are just always foggy. Yeah, I don't know.

Because I have the air on in here. It's because you, whatever that air conditioner is always fogs up my glasses. Yeah. Sorry, guys. Doesn't mean I'm sobbing. Although I did spill a pizza

on the way over. Was there anything under that or are we caught up? Yeah, we're caught up. Okay. Patrick Wright for 10. This Riververse arc keeps on giving. Can't wait for the Super Killer X Isom crossover. I guess that means I actually have to pledge for Super Killer.

Please pledge. Please, people. Don't be one of these people you wait until the last minute and then, oh, I forgot to get it. It's like, ah, god damn it. Get in there. Riley Edwards for 550 Canadian, oh, I forgot to get it. It's like, ah, God damn it. Get in there. Riley Edwards for 550 Canadian. Ha ha. I was one pound off.

Vito wears two more pounds than the Tess Holliday. Tess Holliday is like five feet something. Okay. It's different. I'm a six foot gentleman. I'm allowed to have more pounds than Tess Holliday. All right. God, can you believe her husband fucks you basically?

No, she doesn't. He's like, oh yeah. Can you imagine that oh yeah somebody look up how tall tess holiday is because i am definitely taller than tess how much is a semi truck uh trailer tire way let me see hold on how much does a semi truck trailer tire way wait 110 pounds tires how about a bigger tire what's the biggest how much does a monster tire way probably 200 800 okay what is a three hundred people the pot tires how is it useful how to find a heavy tire for your hands like a tire it's got first of all it's got a giant hole in the middle and it's like okay right how about we just weigh as much as

three tires i think that's fine no workout tires for flipping okay let's check this out it's not gonna tell you how much they weigh It actually only tells me how much they weigh No it tells you how much PSI Tire weight No these are workout fucking tires Oh my god Fuck they are Tractor tire yeah okay how much does that weigh It's not gonna weigh 300 pounds

I don't know tractor tire Oh you fucking asshole what does that say It says max load capacity That's not how much the tire weighs You fucking retard Shit, alright Give me a 300 pound tire I think it can hold up to 300 pounds Not that it is 300 pounds

I don't think they make 300 pound tires All you're gonna find is They must They made an 800 pound tire They're all load capacity That's load capacity 300 pound tire Not weight That's not You can't look up not weight Not load capacity. That's load capacity. 300 pound tire, not weight.

That's not, you can't look up not weight. Not load capacity. It's not going to work. You don't know how Google works. You are the worst at Google, by the way. You are terrible. Tire load index. Oh no, come on.

This is unnecessary. This is not helping the show in any way. Fine, fine. Why don't you say I weigh as much as a 300 pound tire? That's the useless piece of information that you're giving people Because you know how big a monster truck tire is, right? I guess Huge

Yeah 900 pounds That's too big That's too big A tractor though Like a decent sized tractor Sure I weigh as much as a large tractor tire

Tess Holliday does Maybe Not you This isn't about you I weigh the same as Tess tractor tire. Tess Holliday does. Maybe. Tess Holliday. Not you. This isn't about you. I weigh the same as Tess Holliday. Poof. That's a big girl. I hate you guys.

Riley says, support Indie Comics at Clipaverse.com. That's C-L-I-P-P-A-verse.com. To get fresh new Clipaverse merch. We haven't made any comics yet, but that's because the fans haven't bought enough of our original merch yet from Clip-A-Verse Riley. Riley is engaging on his own quest against Eric July. I don't know if people have been following this. Riley says he's going to get in such good shape that he can sneak up on Eric July and shave him.

Shave his arms. Yeah, we're wishing Riley luck with that endeavor. On the John 550 Canadian I don't care about ISOM I just want to know about that warehouse don't we all Dominic for five they asked over

super chat so much I have so many different F words and slurs I want to call veto but I can't we might need to get an alternate super chat program one of the ones that lets you humble have to soon don't

worry about that what's for fan from you yeah One of the ones that lets you get wild. Well, we'll have to soon. Don't worry about that. Once we're banned from YouTube. Okay. Say Reef Eb Ot in Satan's voice to hear what your mother will say in hell. Reef Eb Ot. Reef Eb Ot. Oh, it's backwards. Oh.

I don't think it's going to work, though. You said two in Satan's voice. Oh, so you're going to reverse it later? He typed in. It won't be right. No, yeah right no yeah he said sound right you have to pronounce it tbf backwards yeah good try yeah well i look forward to reversing it and it's not gonna work uh young clipper riley says all clip averse merch sales go right back towards veto loses by the way. So be sure to use Ripiverse hashtag and hashtag Clipiverse to show off your merch illegally on Eric's personal hashtags. That's right, guys.

Every time you use hashtag Ripiverse, you are illegally using. Just dump porn all over it. Do Ripiverse with a bunch of fucking pornography. Make it guy pornography, too. Yeah, either way. Black guys. Darius Reinikovas for five and six months. Vito will be able to have any slightly less obese woman he wants.

Oh, baby. More awesomeness. 220 New Zealand. Phagocytes are okay. Phagocytosis is a big problem. Okay. I don't know if he was trying to just get me to say phagocytes, whatever those are. Probably. Stone Cold Flea for $9.99. Vito, I'm a big problem. Okay. I don't know if he was trying to just get me to say phagocytes, whatever those are.

Probably. Stone Cold Flea for $9.99. Vito, I'm a huge fan and I tend to side with you most than Dick on most issues. I honestly hope you lose weight and leave... All right, this is gay.

Coup for five. No, I'll finish it. I hope you lose weight and live a long, happy, healthy life. Dick, you're awesome. Thank you both for my favorite show.

Thank you, Stone Cold Flea You know we're allergic To uh I'm not You are Honesty on this show We hate it You are

That is not a mean thing Earnest Earnesty Is uh Disgusting to me Coup for five Chopped Vito

Circumcision Vito Always with the hottest Chop off your Cocktips Thank you for not Circumcision Vito Always with the hottest Chop off your cocktips Cocktips Thank you for not Circumcising yourselves Megan Mann For two

Baking soda and water Removes battery acid Easy peasy Oh Yes use a Use a cotton swab With a little vinegar Or lemon juice

To remove the initial corrosion If any remains A little baking soda And water I'm just gonna find Some fucking baking soda So I can You don't have baking soda

Fiddle around I mean I have a around I have a can of Barkeeper's friend or whatever it's called No How do you clean your pants? I don't clean anything Barkeeper's friend is like the ultimate Stainless steel

You put a little on, you let it sit A little water It's like ultra baking soda I think it's Barkeeper's friend Is what it's called More awesomeness For 369 New Zealand

Soon to be Not Fat Vito Not Tubby I mean I know What he's doing Not Tubby Fear of Cakes Tubby Fear

Is not the Does it count Maybe it counts In that accent Not Tubby Fear of Cakes Not Tubby Fear I'm not gonna try it Tubby Fear Not Tubby Fear of cakes. Not chubby fear. I'm not going to try it. Chubby fear.

Not chubby fear. Yeah, it does. Megan Mann for five. George Soros graped me in the World War II showers. Stop it. Everybody knock it off. That, yeah, anyway. Solid BM for five.

I don't want to talk about Soros anymore. Vito, why is no kiddo? One person gets a bunch of DAs elected. Seems like someone hungry for an evil amount of power. Didn't one guy donate? There's guys donating to everybody. Everybody donates to everybody, okay? That's how it works at those levels.

You think there's not a guy who donated to every Republican politician, you know? Why is that not sinister? No. Okay. Because they're not doing a bunch of crime. Disney gave money to DeSantis. DeSantis took money from Disney. From Disney?

He accepted it, yeah. Well, he's doing illegal stuff, too, with them. Ultra water for 550 Canadian. Did you see how DeSantis did that Twitter space and then the next day signed, like, well, SpaceX, if they fuck up, you can't sue them in Florida. Really? Yeah. If they have a rocket launch that fucks up, then you can't sue them all.

You can't sue them. There's a lot of crony politicians out uh politicians out there i hate desantis so much he seems he's such a fat gay moron well i really again i brought the whole thing of like man i really don't want to talk about wokeness and i don't want it to enter into politics for the love of god please don't choose your politician based on whether or not they're going to punish disney for having a gay buzz lightyear character that should not enter into your decision at all. It's so obvious who has been bought off to support DeSantis. It's painfully obvious.

Rumble. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah? He'd be a big change, would he? Oh, he helped Florida? Oh, yeah. Oh, gosh. In case COVID comes back,

I guess we really know who's going to fight for us after a little bit of time. Yeah. It's totally different things when someone fucking violates the Constitution, but then a couple months later stops doing it. Yeah, that's what I want, fighting for me in the White House. Is there anyone other than Trump you would vote for? Mike Pence. Ron Paul. Yeah, get him up there.

Fucking juice up the gays. Juice them up. Power up. Honestly, if that was his campaign, I will electrocute every trans child in America. Yeah. I think he could do pretty good with that. Ultra Water for 550 Canadian.

My home in Vancouver has the free part down. I hope the deadly part drops soon. And Arsler smashed up my favorite coffee shop. Fennie Arsler. Oh, a Fennie. Fentanyl. Yeah. Fennie.

Well, you got to give them more fentanyl. Give it away. LP Dirty Tea for $199. Starcraft, send these future doctors into space. Tiarni Jones for $5. Australian, Dick pretending he throws His batteries out We all know he pegs them At people from his car

Not anymore Yeah You gotta take him Not after I hurt my arm You gotta take him To a hockey game You know Throw decel batteries

At the goalie That's what my buddy Always used to do Oh yeah Darius Reinikovas for five I wonder if Dick's review Actually made Eric's addict fans Dig in their heels

and spend more money on Ice Empto. I think that they just... I don't think so. I think they would have just picked a different way to feel victimized. You know?

I don't think I'm that popular. Yeah, I also don't think most people know what we're doing. Again, like, our reviews aren't getting like hundreds of thousands of views.

No. There's some people, though. That is what they... Whenever I, like, say while their writing what they, whenever I, like, say, well, their writing is bad, they'll go like, thanks for reminding me that the campaign, like...

Oh, no. Oh, yeah, oh. I don't understand. Some guy I don't follow on the internet said it's bad? That means I have to buy it. All right. All right, man.

That's a weird way to live your life. Cynicist for five. I don't believe you, but... I don't care. All right, this is an important one weird way to live your life. CineSister 5. I don't believe you, but I don't care. All right, this is an important one. CineSister 5, can you N-bombs trim out the beginning please wait section of the most recent YouTube episodes? So here's the thing.

Oh. I need to hear from the audience. So if I trim anything out of an episode, the live chat archive goes away. YouTube cannot keep the live chats associated. No then leave it in there. Well that's why I am leaving it in there. I didn't know that. Because if I take it

out the live chat archive replay goes away. If enough of the audience said well we'd rather you got rid of the five minutes fuck the live chat but I think a lot of people. You can't trust that though because it could just be a bunch of people who are radicalized. I think there's enough people who want to. I would just leave them both in and I think a lot of people Can't trust that though because it could just be a bunch of I think most I think there's enough people Who want to I would just leave them both in

And uh I think doing the Intro is also good because it gives people time to Show up just skip five minutes ahead You can do it or listen to it on the MP3 feed or whatever just listen to the music Yeah the music is good alright fucking relax Yeah get in the mood get the Lotion out I'll tell you what I will add to

From now on I will add to the video description The exact time stamp Where the episode starts And then you can click on that It counts fucking down To where it is You can't do addition To find five minutes in

Maybe if they're on the mobile browser It's a little harder Anyway That's why I don't trim it out Because I don't want to lose live chat So now you know It's not laziness P90X for two

Y'all have to show the new Isom X Vito fan art I can't It's very against the T90X for two Y'all have to show The new ISOM X Vito fan art I can't It's very against The TOS I can't show it I mean we can show

I'll put it on the website But I'm not even gonna Kinda risk it I lost my channel Because of fat men Showing their nipples If people wanna see it They can go on Twitter

And they can find it Or head to the Discord Yeah You can get Exclusive access To the Biggest Problem Discord By joining, you get exclusive access to the biggest problem discord by joining us at patreon.com slash biggest problem. Sign up now.

Good boy for four 99. I don't mean TBF to Eric, but if I were black, I'd jump on the base black guy money train too. Yes, but you can still write a good story. Like this is the whole point. Can you imagine this is the,

like, this is the bigger point. Can you imagine? This is the, like, this is the bigger point. Yeah. Can you imagine if Eric July had this much support and this many people who are, like, rooting for him. Crazily throwing their entire body weight behind something they haven't even read? Can you imagine if he just ran it by somebody who knew even basics of good storytelling? Yeah. It would be a fucking blockbuster

like eric it would be very easy to just come up with a basic working plot that is like good enough it would be gigantic yeah um with the reason like he's he's gonna make six million whatever 10 million but all of these warehouse and employee expenses and paying other authors, like professional authors, to write his stupid side characters. It's a very, if you don't have a good story, it's a very dwindling return.

It's like a very diminished utility on what you're making. If it had been good, it could be gigantic. But it's just not any fucking good. I think he probably didn't think it would blow up as much as it did so he kind of went into it half-assed maybe i don't know but it's also at the point where again i look at his campaign now where i go okay you already have 3.4 million dollars why didn't you hire an editor to write your campaign you have spelling mistakes on the like glaringly obvious spelling

mistakes yeah because he's spending all his time making a fucking warehouse he has 10 employees none of them can read english and go oh by the way eric you spelled this wrong and all of these run-on sentences need to be revised because they're terrible his employees are retarded too they just argue on twitter like oh you're jealous like man you're are you, oh, you're jealous. Like, man, are you fucking dumb? Have you read it? It fucking sucks, dude. Why are you guys making a warehouse? Warehouses already exist. Well, the problem is they are actually just dumb. There are just dumb people.

It's fascinating. All the dumb people are throwing their money at the most popular black man in town. Yeah, you can be black and popular, but if you had made a good story, it would be world famous. This story is being pimped by John Stossel. Don't you want to get a John Stossel plug? Isn't he the most influential man in comics? Anyway, DM for 50 American dollars. John Stossel, come on out.

I'm going to talk about this black guy that made a comic. And when I was famous, I would call this gay and dumb. But now that I'm on the internet, I need to kind of gin up some kind of support. Yeah, John Stossel. John Stossel fell off pretty hard. Well, DM for 50 would love a call to prayer

for his uncle. His uncle's name is Toby, last name Fair. He loved Magic the Gathering and died of Ligma. Ligma! Poor Toby. God bless Ligma! Fuck, I don't know what's going on in Pokemon recently.

Maybe it doesn't always have to be Pokemon. Always, everything has to be either Allah or Pokemon. I feel like our religion of peace could expand out to accommodate things other than the pocket monsters. No. The religion of peace is only about pocket monsters. Only pocket monsters matter under Allah. Great. What do they call the religious people? What is your title?

It's not as good when you are doing a normal voice, because then it doesn't seem like we're doing anything. It's just you being too cool for a bit for some reason. Because you for some reason feel guilty now that we're making so much money doing a fucking Islam bit. I've noticed that you do this for the last couple times. You're like Mr. Cool of the bit that started with you being in on the bit.

I just forgot the name, okay, but I got it. Alright. The name of what? A mom. You're an a mom. A mom masterson! Perhaps our religion could accommodate other genres of monster battling games.

I don't even want to do it anymore. All right, well. I'm just trying to remember a term so I can get in on it. Thank you, DM. It's hard for me. You know more Pokemon stuff at this point. You don't know anything else, like magic or anything? Next time we do a call to prayer, I will enthusiastically participate.

I don't want to do it anymore. No, I do want to do it anymore. Don't stop donating for it. No, no. I'm done with it. Keep doing it. No, because now I feel guilty. It's a great bit.

It's not a good bit. It's a great bit. I'm tired of it. If you guys do, I'll do the next one. How's that? No. I'll do it. No.

Stop donating money for the bit are you serious stop this no i love the money i don't want to stop that all right all right all right all right cool for five just i need look i'm still figuring out the nuances of the bit is racist i was just trying to remember a certain Islamic term yeah yeah Cool for five a warehouse makes sense if you're a publisher With multiple IPs not when you're an indie comics Guy Eric wasted his fans

Money on this investment It never makes sense well the warehouse Is marketing I guess it's just look At our warehouse doesn't that get your your Dick hard all you guys who still Fantasize about this weird blue collar lifestyle that has been denied to you it's just so fucking dumb somebody having a somebody like at eric's level having a warehouse is so fucking stupid it's very unnecessary it's

like the metallica is like brown m&ms like they would say like well no brown m&ms right because they knew if they saw brown m&ms there was a whole bunch of other fuck-ups probably in there right eric is so stupid that nobody told him the warehouse is fucking dumb and he either didn't listen or he surrounds himself with people who are so dumb that they would let that happen. Like, so there's tons of other fuck-ups happening. There's

a lot going on. Just get a farm outside the city and you can keep all your comics there. Yeah, why buy the wood at the store? Why don't you grow a forest and fucking knock the wood down and build your own fucking warehouse, bro? Mix your own fucking cement. Why buy it from China? Well, MidSalad for $20 says, I just finished my weekly Ripaverse fan art.

This one's my favorite yet, and it's safe for work. Why don't we head on over? We have not seen this. Okay. Autistic boobs on Twitter. There we go. And we have a new piece of Isomp fan art. All right. Because our audience. There we go And we have a new piece Of iSomp fan art Alright

Cause our audience Is this it? That is it That's pretty good That's Add Window capture Window capture

Window capture I don't think that works Yes it does See it doesn't work It doesn't work on your computer Night fucking told There it is Okay

Alright There we go Alright And here is the Ripa Shopping Network Wow Eric's Wife's Jewelry Cavalcade With Eric

I saw him hat Mug Shirt 120 bucks? That's too cheap. That's too cheap. He would not. Yeah, he's going to charge

way more for all that. Look at him. He's selling it all on the Ripper Shopping Network. He's got all the hair on his arms. He doesn't really. Look, I don't care

these hairy arms. I don't know. Again, I'm not going to insult the man's appearance. Why? I guess you're just keeping it accurate. All right.

That's a beautiful one, Mint Salad. Thank you very much For that exciting Stuff Go up a little bit Up There you go

Terry Ferguson for five Sleep pooping is a known side effect of Wagovi Be vigilant Is it? Maybe that's why I'm a sleep pooper Pummy Yussi That's a weird name For ten

Hey Dick Hey Vito My boyfriend wants a fat ugly bastard To cuck him Can you please save our relationship And fulfill his fantasy Vito Thank you

I think they want you to find A fat ugly person To fuck her No I think he wants I think I'm the one Who's gonna cuck him I'm You sure

Yeah Oh okay I'm gonna be involved In the cucking situation Alright Yeah I'll cuck I'll engage in the cucking situation. All right. Yeah, I'll cuck. I'll engage in a cuck holding situation. That could be fun.

Is he going to watch from the corner and cry? Did you see all that Hunter Avalon? Yeah, what's the deal? Did Hunter Avalon make cuck porn or got cucked or? I don't know. His wife's like banging black guys or something. Is that what she was making? Was she making a bunch of porn?

I don't know. I don't know Bravo's porn or like He was trying to say like Oh for fun She only got gang banged By those black guys After we already broke up Or something Oh

Alright I don't know enough about Hunter Avalon but He seems to be taking it well I guess Too well Like Too much leaning into it

Yeah I don't know. Why do all these YouTube guys always end up in these weird sexual situations? Solid BM for two. Night Moves, like that old song. Night Poops. Night Poops. Mr. Cool Ice for 20. It's funny how the anti-woke prop Eric Juneteenth is the comic book savior

while setting lower standards for him and excuse his thuggish behavior as simple misunderstandings. Well, here's the funny thing about Eric July. Imagine if a white guy was doing all this. He'd be ridiculed. You'd go, well, this is ridiculous. White guys tell me to pull up because of his dumb comic book. This is all ridiculous, foolish behavior.

For some reason, when a black guy does it, it's like, yeah, that's cool. That's tough. Whatever, man. Your story sucks. I like that he can't write. That's badass because he's from the streets. Verico for $13.99 Canadian. Thank you for coming on.

PKA Vito. Y'all are always great on there. Well, that doesn't make any sense because it's the first time I've been on there. So what you should say is it was an excellent first appearance. However, Dick is always great on there. Yeah, you fucked it up, Mariko. Yeah, way to go with the money. We'll take the money, though.

Oh, yes, I am on the newest episode of PKA. Please go check that out. Painkiller already on the YouTube channel. Woody's Gamer Tag. Cash for $ US dollars. I tricked my true crime obsessed girlfriend into watching Based on a True Story. When it got to your scene, Dick, she was so upset

she just got up and left the room. Worth the six hours of waiting. Wait, was she mad because it was Dick? Yeah. She's like, he ruined the show for her. You fucking asshole. I hate this guy. That's awesome Tell her to keep walking She'll lose some weight

We gotta You gotta get more You gotta get more Cameo roles on these shows It's so exciting For the audience Who got you that role? Was it Randy?

What do you What do you mean got me? Well what How'd you I auditioned for it How'd you find the audition? Where? How'd you find the audition? Where did you go? I just sent a tape in to Hollywood.

You sent to Hollywood from Dick Masterson. Yeah. Fascinating. You know where to find me. Fascinating. Let's see. Keep going down. We got a lot of new ones.

There we go. Cara Froh, moderator of the stars for two American dollars. Great show. Thank you, Cara. Joey Jojo Jr. Shabadoo for $7.99 Australian. Talking to ISOM fans, I've come to realize that none of them can tell you why ISOM is any good and only bought it to get validation from Eric July. Yeah, remember that thing I said

about parasocial relationships? They've formed a very deep bond with this guy they watch on YouTube all day. Yeah. Which is fun. Look. And they're posting, like, receipts of how much money they spent, but then they're also saying, like, they had to budget for it.

I'm like, man, that's fucked up. No, well, dick, they're going to make a 10x return, so. Not all of them. Some of them just want, like, the NerdRoddix guy in them to notice them. It's very fucked up. It is true that, you know uh it's complicated because i'm obviously happy every time somebody buys my comic you know i like that something bad is happening to them yeah but i am morally high-roading the people who allow it to happen just obviously don't throw

your money away on somebody's comic book it's not a good idea. Budget. Budget appropriately. Let's see. Recon 1911 for $5,500 in CLP money, whatever the fuck that is. My biggest problem in the universe is people telling me to self-improve. Self-improve is lesbian cope I want no part of. You're a lesbian? I'm never getting a job, I'm not

going to stop doing drugs, and I'm never going to the gym. A fat lesbian? Not necessarily fat, maybe untoned. Maybe they need to tone. Well, it says never going to the gym. You don't got to go to the gym to lose weight. What are you, the expert of... I am the

expert. Not going to the gym now? Just get on some aglutine. Okay. The Ho God's for five says your crossover with Jarbo and Pesos was the wildest thing. What a timeline we live in. Guys, the most recent episode of The Dick Show, you get to hear Matt Jarbo review I Sum number one. Yeah.

And confront two of his biggest haters. What a fascinating situation. Oh, he's fun. I think this Eric July situation has created so many interesting new friendships and rivalries. Lemon Trashy for two European european dollars eric has two warehouses pull up your jealous hater i think he's getting rid of the first one specifically non-european dollars actually what is that just the euro that's british great british pound yeah there you go mmc feet for 4.99ruth sounds like a nickname for a woman's period.

Maybe she has period powers. That'd be cool. Is your aunt Bloodruth in town? Yeah. I think that's why you avoid giving women blood powers, is that everyone's just going to go, ah, I guess it's her time of the month, huh? Period lady.

Period lady. Huh. Solid BM for two. It says the John Deere 665R28. Tractor. $14.91. Tractor. Solid BM for two. It says the John Deere 665 R28. Tractor. 1491. Tractor.

Dick, I got to give the entire serial code of the tires so people can reference it later. It's the John Deere 600 slash 65 R28 1491 290 tire weight. 290 is the tire weight. Tractor tire. I knew it. 290 tire weights. 290 is the tire weight. Tractor tire. I knew it. 290 pounds. Somebody's going to look that up and it's still going to be the load-bearing weight and you're going to feel stupid. No, look at the size of a tractor.

Just look at the size of the tire. 200 pounds easy. Probably load-bearing weight. Tractor's like, will you stop pretending to fuck a tire? Is that you and Tess Holliday? Yeah. stop pretending To fuck a tire Tractor's like a thousand pounds Is that you You and Tess Holliday Wouldn't Yeah

Might as well fuck a tire Is that the whole joke Yeah Alright Solid BM for two Clarifies I meant to say It's 290 pounds for the tire

Thank you Solid BM Cody two For two dollars My buddy Nick Got me into your show Y'all are funny Thank you To Cody and Nick

Abe Wiltfon five So who do you support that is libertarian that is also great writer of comic books? I don't know. I have no fucking idea, man. You got to give us some. I don't know if there are any great libertarian comic book writers. BobDuato for five. The old biggest problem had Dick making fun of Maddox and Maddox couldn't tell. This one has Dick being nice to Vito and he can't tell.

No, you're not nice. You're my enemy. And if we meet in the next life, I will destroy you. That's it. I think that's the show. Put up Dick. Cause I finally made it again. There you go.

No, that's the old one. That's the new one. Look at the split. 50 Dick heads plus to 46 Vito plus i have 100 supporters no this is our time this is the pluses only oh how did you not get what this is i don't know i want to thank all our top supporters for helping us over at patreon.com slash biggest problem and backed up by slash biggest problem don't forget to check those out and get access to the newest bonus episode, Biggest Problem in Spider-Man, and exclusive Discord access.

Vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show, and please buy my fucking comic book so I don't kill myself at Indiegogo or superkiller.org. When does Isom 2 ship? I think he might be shipping it as soon as the campaign ends. Like he already printed the books or something. He's got the speed. No time for any corrections.

No time for any corrections or any editing, anyone to weigh in or anything. I better store up all my jealousy. Well, we'll see. Hopefully we'll get a copy somehow. Pirated. Somebody is going to buy us a copy. Don't pay for that shit. Don't buy any of that dog shit.

Somebody bought me that Ripperverse hat. That was nice of you guys. I wear that. You can't pirate a hat. Oh, wait, shit. Wait, I got these. Hold on. We have a thing.

Yeah, here. We got a present. It says, don't bend. So, don't bend it. Do not bend. Hello, my name is Vito Alright Why would I bend it? I don't know

Is it a metal? It's a metal I believe these are coming to us from Pop Sculpture Correct? Oh they are? Yes Who made my awesome Statue

You know he made something else And it got fucking lost by FedEx. I know. And he chose to ship with FedEx again, which is a weird decision. Stop using FedEx to ship things. Just use the U.S. Post Office. They never lost anything of mine. I think it's in here. Okay, this is a parasocial friendship upgrade certificate from PopSculpture.

Wow. Which means officially, where do we go? Okay, wait. Parasocial friendship upgrade certificate from PopSculpture. Wow. Which means officially, where do we go? Okay, wait. Wait, I got upgraded in our friendship? Yeah, because he's been sending you stuff. I don't think that's the way it works. He's upgrading it. I don't get upgraded.

You don't upgrade me. I upgrade you. No, he's decided. I don't think that's how that works. We're parasocial relationship, no, no, no Alright, well very beautiful This card certifies that Vito Gisualdi's achieved VIP status in our parasocial

Friendship New privileges include unfettered monologues About my favorite show Access to top secret dessert recipes Priority in replying to all social Media posts and comments Oh, we're going to get more comments from Popsculpture. If more fans from you. Not from

me. Yeah, well now they're saying they've decided they have embraced that they are our official parasocial friend and we now have a card to represent it. Thank you, Popsculpture. Thank you, Popsculpture, and I hope we find your statue that got lost in the mail. Guys, have fun. Bye. Take care of yourself.

Bye-bye.