The Bill Bert Podcast - The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 31

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

Bill and Bert prattle about what car Bert should buy, what people buy when they're single, and internet leak etiquette.

This show is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer. It is unquestionably good, and I'm going to share one. Yeah. Hey, what's going on, everybody? It is time for another wonderful episode of The Bill. Burt. Pod. Cast.

There we go. You know, everybody just has it on a split screen, so it doesn't matter. I have a, I have a, i get joy when i see a reporter when they're and we're gonna go throw to bill and he's just frozen thanks jane i love that i don't know why that makes me happy i don't well i mean it's oh you know it's good clean fun nobody gets hurt it's a little thing it What is going on? You got the tie dye shirt, man. Like where were you performing, man? Someplace where they're keeping

it weird, man. Austin, Portland. No, Georgia, my daughter, Georgia makes tie dyed shirts and she made this for me. And it's funny, you get rid of the yellow sweat stains on your white shirt. So you just, I have a bunch of tie dyed shirts now. now oh wow I didn't know that took me way back to the early 70s when tie-dye shirts first went mainstream and I remember being in um where the hell was I in like first grade and I was so psyched that they had purple and I just remember you tied up everything just was tied up in knots. Is that all you do? And you just dunk it?

Well, you can do it with rubber bands. Or you can just tie the shirt in like three knots and then dunk it. But the ones with the rubber bands, you'd grab this part. And then you'd pull it out. And then you'd rubber band, rubber band, rubber band. And then it would give you a spiral from the stomach or the shoulder. You'd do it out from the shoulder. I actually was really into that kind of shit as a kid i think my dad probably thought i was gay i mean that would do it

oh yeah the fact that he's in 80s if you were just really into tie-dying shirts for his generation he probably thought he had a little queen on his hands oh reupholstering i'm saying you're not burt reupholstering a couch i not Bert reupholstering a couch I used to reupholster couches in college and I would get fabric and I would do I would do the whole couch I'd pull the sides off and I I mean I was like really into it I don't know what part of my personality that like loves that shit but I love like the knickknackiness of it you know well I since I started watching people redo cars one of my favorite things is when they they take it over to the person to do i love when that when that

when the engine comes back and it's all painted and it's clean i love that and i love what the interior comes back and and just to see what they're going to do with like the colors and the seats and all that type of stuff i mean mean, I don't know, as a college student, there was forever some old ass couch sitting out on a sidewalk that you know had been fucked on, drooled on and all of this stuff. So if you knew how to rip that off and reupholster it and put some new cushions in there, that's a pretty viable skill there. I would do it for free. I loved it. You know what? I actually, I'm at a real, free. I loved it. You know what? I actually, I'm at a real, I'm at a real impasse right now because I need a car and I have, I'm having a really hard time finding a car that I want to drive that I feel like I'd look good in that isn't a hundred thousand dollars. Like I'm having a

really hard time going like, I'm not a pickup truck going like i'm not a pickup truck guy so i was a pickup truck guy i could just get a cool pickup truck and then rock that right we have an suv so all suvs are out of the thing you go to sedans and you look at sedans and it's like certain sedans like i feel like my body is bigger than you know like the cadillac i want man i'm having a really hard time honestly Cadillacs are not a hundred grand you can get plenty of nice things I'm not spending oh by the way I'm not spending a hundred grand I refuse to spend a hundred grand so so when you said redo a car I was actually talking to Snoop about this the other day I was like I know you got a car guy can you set me up with a car guy in LA who I wouldn't mind like a nice like you you have

your pickup truck and you enjoy driving that i love that could that be your only car would you let that be your only car yeah i could i would be a little concerned with parking it in certain areas because it's a clean truck and trucks since i bought my i bought my truck in 2011 they've really become popular they really really like there's a whole bunch of stuff that has become popular where, you know, and those Mecham auto shows, those auctions first came on. I mean, it was just Shelby, Mopar, GTO. It was the same stupid cars. Not stupid cars.

I love all those cars. But it was just this, we got a Superbird, you know. It's just like this, you know, won Daytona and was outlawed. It was the same damn stories. And I feel like since then, like a bunch of other cars have become, like, you know, popular. I can't literally not even remember what the fuck I was taught. What was your question? No, like, could that be your only car?

Because I want to get a nice convertible. Oh, yeah, I know. So then my truck got super popular when I bought it. Afterwards, then trucks got popular just because I think people got sick of the same old thing. Sorry, that's what I was trying to say. And so you're afraid that people would see your truck and realize that's a lot of money in parts. Let's steal it. Or just steal it because they like it. Oh, yeah. Here's the thing. For you, dude, I feel like there's a couple of really cool, like, I love an Oldsmobile Cutlass T-tops. You know, if you want to white trash it up, there's things to do with that. Because this is the deal.

I like those resto mods where, like, you can, you know, the whole underneath could be like 2020. Yeah. And then in the car can look like 1970, whatever you want. And they can hide in the console, a place to plug in for your phone and all the latest stuff. When you're driving it, it can look all original. But like what I found, like with my truck, when I go to take a turn I literally have to grab

underneath the seat so I don't slide into the door because of just you know it was a basic it was like a farm truck you know what I mean so it's not really like they were they were excited about independent suspension remember that when they would be driving over the rocks the railroad ties or whatever um so everybody why I asked you know if i can fix the suspension a little bit on it you know beyond a sway bar they're always saying dropping it down and it's like i just what i always liked about a truck was riding up a little bit higher i thought it looked better i don't mind when they're sitting down but they've taken them now now that you know they cut out inside the bed and the tires are sticking up those are cool cool. It's just not my style.

Dude, why don't you get a Grand National? Get a Buick Grand National because you couldn't drive it anywhere. Someone would steal it. That's how excited I am about cars. I'm asking you questions while answering them. Get one of those early 80s. Remember all those guys who sort of side deal weed? You know those cars?

The Monte Carlo, the Buick Regal. Oh, I remember the Monte Carlo. Yeah, those little two-door ones. Those early 80s ones to like 85. Right around 85, I think, or 86, they started having the aerodynamic headlights. It wasn't quite. It took me a while to get used to those. But, like, dude, one of those was some fucking old school,

like Crager rims with the white lettering on the tires. Yeah. Sort of looks like a stock car. That could be a bad-ass car. I have a real, I have a hard time looking at cars and going, I, okay. You know, every car I seem to like is like $1,500 a month. And I go, I can't pay that. Like, I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's one day I'll get comfortable paying it, but I just cannot pay that. I know that that's a mortgage. That's a mortgage in any reasonable state. Yeah. Yeah. And then I go, that's the cars. Those are

the cars I like that I go, Oh, I love the S class Mercedes is a cool car. Seven series BMW. That's a cool looking car. And I feel like it's a big bodied I want a big bodied car and then I go for 18 grand I can just get like a Cadillac convertible like 676 or 72 you could get such a sick fucking Cadillac I know a bunch of guys that could build that thing you could do like you could keep the thing looking like Nick Nolte's fucking caddy on the outside. Yeah. And then underneath,

but people, you know, people who know cars look underneath that they can, you can always see the shiny shit, you know, glowing underneath. But, um,

there's a lot of need to be dialed in and like have a place for my cell phone, everything like that, but have that, that Nick Nolte baby blue, like caddy body. I'll be honest with you i don't know why more people don't do that yeah it's also it's good for the environment you know you're recycling granted you are ripping a bunch of shit out and putting a bunch of new stuff in but it is a uh and then also you rescue one of those old cars dude there's some like a lot

of people get the ones from the 60s. There's some ones from the 70s before they shrunk them down that are really like sort of rare because I don't think that people necessarily liked after like there was a period in there where they had this new front end in the early 70s. I forget which one it was, but it kind of tanked. People didn't like it. And you can tell because they only had it for a couple of years before they went back to more of a traditional one like the 75, you know that front end? It's somewhere between like 71 and 74, they had this front end that I don't think did, I might be wrong here but I don't think it did that well. But now when I see them, because I don't see a

lot of those, I'm like, oh my God, I gotta look one up right now I fucking love those let me look like that's my thing but I go why don't more people do that your car should be enjoyable to drive now like I I just can't get into like a what I'd what I'd be comfortable paying for is like you know and I gotta be real honest with you like the Camrys and and Accords they're really expensive in my opinion I think they're overpriced for that car everything's overpriced to a point where I just go how did cars get so expensive and then you look and go why wouldn't I I would love to drive that car every time fucking top down light a cigar enjoy your ride over the hills exactly dude 71 72 73 they changed the front end three times if you look up the caddy so i kind of i'm kind of partial to that 72

because i want to say that when elvis got buried his funeral that was no but those was 77 you think i like the 72 personally. Yeah. Oh. I mean, it's a sled. Dude, a two-door? You get a two-door? Yeah. Two-door. White on white. Ooh.

White with a maroon interior. 72 Cadillac Eldorado convertible. That car is so you, it's ridiculous. It really is. Bill, Bill, Bill, $9,000.

That's it, $9,000. You could take another 30 grand if you really wanted to do it up. Another 30 grand just underneath dude, it would be fucking, it would be ridiculous.

Yeah. Maybe a little more than that, but if you just, but I mean, under 50, you could have this this sick that's half of of what you were talking about paying you could have this sick ass car nobody's got that i have not seen that car out here in la white with maroon which is why you might not want to talk about it here because you're gonna bunch of people go as you're driving down the street um but like yeah i'm telling you one of these days i'm gonna get uh i'm gonna get the 67 el dorado that's the one that i like because i am a i i'm not a speed guy i like cruising

i'm a i'm an old man i got i like i got this this irish sweater i bought a jumper whatever the hell they call them over in Ireland I got that and I smoke cigars I am a, I love the right lane, dude I feel the left lane, that's for the kids That's for the kids Let them do all that crazy shit I feel like I became older at a time where

Things weren't set up for older people It's like now it's Tesla's and this shit. I go, I wish I had been an older, I had been my age today in 2002 when the Cadillac DTS was out. That was such a great sedan. The Cadillac DTS. You can still get it. You can still get it.

It's 18 years old. The bodies of those cars are so small. They're really small and they're not, like they're, everything's compact. It's 18 years old. The bodies of those cars are so small. They're really small, and they're not – like, everything's compact. I get it. You want a big car. All right, well, there you go. Adam Sandler had a DTS.

MTV used to have a day in the life was a show, a documentary show. And they profiled adam sandler and adam sandler was 35 and in a cadillac dts it was like an old man's car my dad had one and i saw adam sandler a hollywood star in a dts and it looked like the coolest fucking thing and then i moved to la that was when I was in New York I moved to LA and I saw Kiefer Sutherland in a Cadillac DTS and I was like this car up now I'm not familiar with this it was and Bill I meet my wife and I'm like I'm gonna go buy a car right so I go and I test drive the DTS oh yeah i know that car yeah they had the tires with the with the yellow stripe around it yeah that's a sick car i love that car car and so i said to my

wife i test drove it and i go i'm getting a dts and she goes honey you are not that old you're like 29 and she's like this is an old man car she's like get something young like who you are so i ended up getting one of my favorite cars I've ever had, a Yukon Denali. That was a hot fucking car. Was that a big SUV? Big SUV,

and I got a great deal, $500 a month, nothing down. The dude kind of fucked it up, and then they tried to take it back from me. So like, I think we gave you

too much of a deal on that. And I was like, ah, I was like, I already had it 18 days, you can't take it back. And so, i think we gave you too much of a deal on that and i was like ah i was like i already had it 18 days you can't take it back and so uh that was the law is if you had it over 18 days they couldn't and they i would think once you drive away it's done i was told have they ever called up hey i think we fucked you too bad on that car said you come back down here they did and you know what they're you know what they're um they would they try to get the car back it was 500 550 a month nothing down and the dude was his first day and dave williamson

the guy i work with comic i work with now told me long after that you always want to call a car dealership up and go hey i was just uh in there the other day i was talking to the new guy what's his name and they go oh you mean bill and he, Bill, send me over to Bill. Cause he goes, the new guy, they always want to close deals for to get some sales under his belt. So there you can always work a deal with the new guy. They always will give you a better deal with the new guy. So this guy must've been brand new five 50 a month. And then they realized they fucked up and I was already on the road. The car was home and I couldn't get to the car I was on the road and they the the thing they used was and this is how long ago this this is

is that I didn't give them a landline all I had was a cell phone and they were like when you go yeah it sounds to me like you're reaching for shit so I'm done with this phone call I'll see you in court bye and so I'm gonna go back there to get I'll see you in court. Bye. I'm going to go back there. We didn't stick our dick far enough in your ass. Well, let me go back into the showroom. Get the fuck out of here. Dude, I can really see you in one of those.

You've got to get yourself a nice sled. Yeah. Furthermore, I think it's good know i furthermore i think it's good for your business i think it is too it's great for branding bill it is it's great for branding i've learned stuff being with you like that car that is you and people are gonna and this is another thing too you can't hate on somebody that has that fucking car you just can't like if you had like uh you know if you're the machine and oh i'm inner tubing and i'm blue and then you had like a s550 fucking amg it's like ah it's it's just a character it's just a character he's not the guy no like you look you i could

i could see you stepping out of that Boss Hog Mobile. Big time. Big time. I want to see it. I get so much joy out of my friends getting cool cars, old cars, new cars. I just, I love cars so much. I get like, you know, Dean was great because Dean would always be going through motorcycles and cars and shit.

It was always fun to see him. Rogan with all of his, you know, the ones that he does would always be going through motorcycles and cars and shit. It was always fun to see him. Rogan with all of his, you know, the ones that he does. He's got excellent taste in cars. Yeah. I don't know. I just, I always get like, I tell so many people that. It's like, why don't you just go get, go get a car from like the 80s and just redo underneath the thing. And then, you know, just have them, you know know touch up the upholstery a little bit

and throw something in there so you can charge your phone and listen to your to your music and you can park it anywhere nobody's gonna give a fuck because they're not gonna know what's up and uh the insurance will be lower right well i'm not i don't know when they say how much money you put into it but whatever i just think that that is the way to go as opposed to, you know, getting something new. I mean, I got two little kids, so I got to get a – right now I'm actually in the market to get something because we had sort of a sporty SUV for my wife. And once you get the two car seats in there and it has like a real sort of short hatchback, and then all of a sudden it's just – I mean, it's annoying to me that it's like,

I mean, we used to stick five kids in the back of a Chevette. We did. We had two kids in the hatchback and then there was three of us sitting across. Okay. But there was no kid seats back then. There was no child seats. Do you know what car they're coming out with that I'm really excited about? And I don't know if this car.

New Bronco? Yes. But they have redone the grand wagoneer oh the jeep do you remember the grand wagoneer with the paneling and the big i mean that was a big that's a car i could drive around in if i bought an old grand wagoneer and had them trick it out that's a fucking car i could get in. What is stopping you? Oh, Bill, I might get an old Grand Wagoneer, get it really done out, like really done out, and that be my car. I would be happy when I was – oh, my God, I'm so excited right now. When I was 14 years old, this kid, I forget his name,

he was the quarterback for our football team. He was a sophomore, and I was playing I was playing junior varsity I was in like seventh or sixth grade and I was playing on the JV team in high school because it was a it was a private school I know everyone was small and he said to me God I wish I remember this kid's name he goes hey man can you pull my car around and I was like yeah he thought I was like 15 and I went out and it was a grand wagoneer it's the first car i ever drove i was 14 years old and i was like oh i mean i'm just like stealing like this and i i never i never touched the gas it moved so quickly i put it in reverse took my father break and i went

hold on oh grand wagoneer i want a grand wagoneer god i was actually going wow. Grand Wagoneer. I want a Grand Wagoneer. God. I was actually going to say Grand Wagoneer when you guys started. That or El Camino, but I just kept my mouth shut. Should I say that? No. You would have had them. 66 El Camino.

Because if you only want a two-seater, if you want that, like, cool car, that's the way to ditch the back.o what a good-looking car the jeep grand wagoneer oh my god bill what a good look that's a fucking beast oh these have got to be expensive as shit you get you know what's hot right now is vans. Vans are finally making a comeback because they got labeled, you know, pedophile mobiles and all of that. And I remember when custom vans were in their heyday, sort of the end of the heyday. Our whole family went to the auto show.

We used to go every year. For real? We used to go to the boat show. We never bought anything. We would just go to all of this shit. So showed up and we showed up to the thing and that was when they had all like the velour captain's chairs yeah right and you could all spin around and like talk to each other and shit and we would we would tell him my dad come on dad you got to buy that van you got to buy it then he goes oh you know it'd be great he got like all amped up about it and he never bought the thing but even then i know my parents that if

we actually spun around to talk to each other they would tell us not to do it it's dangerous they had like a there was like a governor on fun you know which would end up being like 20 grand a 1989 jeep grand wagoneer oh man i'm looking it up now 20 grand. A 1989 Jeep Grand Wagoneer. Oh, man. I'm looking it up now. In the 80s, they called it the Goldilocks era of SUVs. What color do you like?

I mean, I kind of want white, but I feel like white looks like a mom's car. Navy blue would look pretty great. Navy blue with the wood panel. Yeah, the Grand Wagoneer is so better than just the Wagoneer. Yeah, Grand Wagoneer. Dude, I'm looking at one in like a black or a gray. That's sweet. See, this person redid this one.

Yeah. They took all the wood off the side. If you're into that, if you're not into it, you can do that. $24,000. And if you go in, Bill, and do what you said. So there's, and there are companies, you say, that, like, can really take the- The whole hot rod scene started out here, dude. There's some of the best builders in the country are right out here in Los Angeles. You know, one of the guys who did my truck he actually moved to Arizona he got sick of the taxes and shit out here but like he know he knows

everybody out here so if that's what you're looking to do or he's just right in Arizona so you could literally call him tell him what wanted. He'll go out and find it. He picks the whole thing up and then he just goes, all right, you know, I need this amount of money to get it started. And then I'll just send you pictures as it's going. And then you just know, dude, you know what? I almost bought a few years ago, which would have been so perfect right now. I've been giving my wife shit about it. In 2018, I was going to buy one of those GMC RVs, you know, the one from Stripes.

I was going to get that in like the Palm Desert one, the lime green. I was going to get that, have a humidor in there and a little bar. I was still drinking at the time. And I was just going to hire a driver and just go on the road. And I was saying to my wife now, you know, cause it's scary to fly and all this shit right now. I was like, cause the big thing that nixed it was where was I going to keep it? Yeah. You know what I mean? That was the big problem. I can't just park that out in front of my frigging house, be that person, you know, the person with the RV next to the house and the tall grass around

the wheels before they had weed whackers, that used to always happen. So she nixed the idea. And I was saying like, do you understand that I could have hopped in that thing right now, started a run in Bakersfield and just gone and just on a big loop going all the way out to Utah out to Grand Junction Colorado down to Santa Fe just loop my way all the way back making money the whole way yeah god damn it there's a guy Chase Leopard do you know who he is no but I love his name yeah name. Yeah, he's a really cool- Ace Leppard? That's his birth name? Yeah, and I'm certain he's a massive fan of yours.

He's a big fan of podcasts. He's like the ultimate great dude to have in your corner because he loves podcasts and he loves comedy, and he is really good with social media, and he can grab content, and he's really an amazing dude. An amazing guy, but what he did when the pandemic happened is bought a fucking rv redid it and just travels is now traveling all through the north northwest and it and i follow him on social media and it just looks so great he's out in the middle of a field in nowhere, like big lake next to him, family with

him. And he's like, you know, and you just go, yeah, like, why? I mean, that's why I love being on a tour bus. We should pivot and talk about your tour. Are you taking a tour bus? No, I'm flying to Oh, shoot, I gotta make a video to promote that. Fuck. I'm flying to Connecticut. And I'm doing this barn on a farm where they've been having live music and everything it's a great gig and you know my agent went there watched a band and looked at the crowd to make sure that they were really doing their due diligence to make sure people weren't you know being unsafe so I'm there and then I'm at that place in

Jersey whatever Kevin Hart just did I'm doing that and that's the one Gaffigan did I did it too I think yeah yeah it's that's a good one I will say this in your video or for you people listening based check out the laws in Jersey before you go because they're pretty strict with people not getting out of their cars. They were a little looser for me. They were really strict for Gaffigan. But if you have a pickup truck or an SUV or a van, make sure you bring whatever. They will not allow cars with big lifts in a lot of times. These are just rules that are really helpful for the fans going to the show. But it's great

if you have a pickup truck because they'll let you sit in the bed of your pickup truck and then you can kind of tailgate there. But they're going to not let you go and hang around and walk around.

But that's a fun, fun fucking show. There's a lot, man. It's interesting to see how people are doing it. So those are the two shows you're doing on this tour? Those are the two places

where I'm going to be. I'm just sort of doing like a residency at both places, like doing four or five days at one, four or five days at the other. Oh, are you doing, you're doing the smaller venue in Jersey? I don't know what they are.

Doing the Blue Grotto, but it's sold out. Yeah, you're doing, you're doing where they set up tables in an infield. Yeah, I'm not doing driving. I'm not doing the big rooms like you, Bert. Hey, listen. Oh, you're doing the smaller room. No, I wish I –

Isn't it enough that you got my quarterback? You got to rub it in? No, no. My point is those are – Lake Winnipesaukee? Those are great. I've heard – Berbiglia did a run there.

Kevin Hart did a run there. That's a great, great venue. And I think there's going to be more like that in the future. No, and it's going to happen out here on the West Coast. And if I had my fucking RV, I could have driven to all of them. Yeah, I think I'm doing some of those. I think there's one in Colorado and New new mexico that i'm doing and uh i'm doing it when do you when do you when your dates when do you go what are your dates you know

i think i start uh when what's today tuesday a week from wednesday so today's the 29th 15th 16th and 7 to 23rd i think i start Don't hold me to that. Okay. It's the 22nd. The shows at the Fairfield Comedy Club, they sold out about an hour ago. Nice. Wow. All right.

That's going to be fun, man. It's good to get back into stand-up mode where you start writing jokes again and your brain allows you to, to like focus on comedy again. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm up for it.

I'm actually looking right now to see what these, what these things goes for. GMC 76 in immaculate condition on eBay. What did they want for it for a total? Oh, that's gone. You fucking cocksuckers. Oh, the green machine. I was all about it, dude.

You know, and so much stuff happened since then that like me and my friends, we all kind of hit a wall and cleaned up and stopped going as hard. And, you know, all of my friends now,

I was like, yeah, dude, I can't smoke the way I used to. I can't drink the way I used to. I went to the doctor. I got this. I got that. So we're all sort of like chilling. So I got to like try to figure out. It's weird because so much of our friendship, this is crazy, but so much of our friendship was based on getting fucked up together that i know we still like each other but you got to try to think like so now what do we do yeah like cards like how do we get a like i'm used to when i see them i equate them with having a buzz or or some of rush, some sort of altered experience.

Your heart skips a beat. You're like, oh, we're day drinking today. Dude, I remember a long time ago, me and DeRosa. It's so hard. We were such fucking animals together. I remember one night I was sitting at the bar at Caroline's, and I really just wanted to take it easy. And I looked up and I said I hear

this oh the big queen's here and I turn around and it's DeRosa and I was like hey twinkle toes right the usual shit then he comes down there he's like so what are we doing I don't know what are we doing we're feeling each other out and dude we got fucking blasted to the point i didn't talk to him for like 48 hours and i called him up and i was like joe you know we gotta slow down man i i gotta be honest with you i love you to death but when i actually saw you on the stairs at caroline i got disappointed and thought fuck now i gotta drink he goes shut the fuck up and i said yeah he goes dude i thought the exact same thing when i saw you sitting at the bar through that whole

thing when we were standing at the bar going so what are we doing he's like what are we doing we were just waiting because we both wanted to but we're also kind of hoping somebody said don't do it so um i kind of got to that place with like, you know, all of my friends. Like, it's just one of those things, you know, you hit the 50 year marker, dude. It's like, you got to go easy. I have the same feeling with my family. Yeah. I go, we went to Hawaii one time and my wife said to me when we got there,

she goes, how about no booze this family trip and I went we're in Hawaii she was like how about no booze and you stay dialed in and you just no booze what do you say and I was like okay and I said to her I was like hell of a thing to drop on you with your toes in the sand it was it happened on the plane it happened on the plane and she goes let's just let's just try no booze on the flight and then I did no booze on the flight and I felt good and I got there and then we hung out and I didn't get a drink that night and she was like yeah let's see if you can go no booze for the trip she was just you know listen if you want to have a drink if it gets to that point that's fine but I remember we went to a luau at like a hotel. It wasn't even a nice luau.

It was like in like a ballroom, an outdoor ballroom. It was just horrible. And I was, they were doing the thing and they were passing drinks around and my wife had a drink and I was like, I'm doing no booze. And I remember just watching the guys twist the thing and it wasn't on fire.

And I just thought that's what life's like with no booze is they're doing the baton with no fire like there's no no fun the only grace the only saving grace is that same night a mom at our table and was all people we didn't know uh what had was on pills and was nodding out and we watched her family try to ignore it and try to get through their dinner and all my daughters did was just stare at her as this woman was like and i was like oh that's too much fire like you overdid your fire, honey. But I enjoy it. I have a lot of conflicting feelings about, you know, it sucks. But I also, though, like I lived like a frat boy for like fucking 30 years. And what kills me is it's still not enough. Like I swear to God,

dude, if I gave into what I want to do, if I just was totally selfish and said, but I don't think I would make 55. Oh, I, I look at it this way. I,

I am still, I didn't drink for like the first 15 days of this show that I'm doing. And then Snoop was like, Hey, Bert, why don't you come in my... You know, it's so funny. This is what a fucking... What are you supposed to do there? That's one of the great hangs of your life, right?

Yeah. But what's so funny, Bill, is this is what a pushover I am. And you'll get this. He did not understand this. He said from his trailer to my trailer, I'm about to get my trailer, and he goes,

Bert, come on here and do a shot. And I thought he said, "'Come on in here and shower.'" And I went over anyway. I walked in his trailer and I said, "'You want to take a shower?' And he was like, "'What?' I said, "'What did you say?' And he said, "'I said, let's do a shot.'"

And I went, "'Oh, okay.'" And then he looked at me and he goes, "'You thought I wanted you to shower and you still came and I'm here what you should have said was Snoop that's how great your music is and we took a couple shots and he gave me a couple blunts I was still working so I couldn't I couldn't smoke with him but uh he gave me a couple of blunts, and he was like, you know, this is for you later. And by the way, I mean, I know that if he ever heard this, he'd fucking be livid, but...

Don't say it. No, it's just... Don't say it, Bert. You gotta learn how to... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shut your face. Listen to me. It's not bad, Bill.

It's not bad. But, like, with his blunts, they're enjoyable like a cigar. Like, it's not... You're not, bad but like with his blunts they're enjoyable like a cigar like it's not you're not like you hit it and you take a hit but you can sit with it like i smoked one of his blunts i maybe inhaled like three times but i smoked the whole blunt just enjoying the smell and the flavor and the aroma like i'm saying he'd be living because he'd be like you just wasted an entire blunt but i was like you know i'm not gonna lie i'm getting upset with you yeah like i'm sure he was like and then uh dude have you seen these this is another thing that i would go out and go

buy a box of if they weren't a zillion dollars have you seen those weed cigars it's not a blunt oh my god it's cbd isn't it, no. It'd still get you fucked up. Marijuana cigar. What? That's why I treat weed or snoops blunt. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. You got to see these things. They're all green and they look like a cigar.

It's like a Kelly Green. Oh, it's Irish. Look it up right now. I'll tell you the name of it. Acme 420 Magars. M-A-G-A-R-S. It's like marijuana cigar. Dude, they got like the half-hour smoke.

They got the cannon. Oh, Bert, I'm telling you right now, dude. If I didn't have a wife and family, if I didn't have, you know have the reverse of a death wish because I don't want to die, I would buy a box of those. I'd have mushrooms. I would have bourbon. I would have steaks.

I mean, just everything that I – what I have to watch out for is everything that I love can kill you quickly. I love here. I'm going to show you. I love these. I might start with my own money, getting these blunts and just enjoying them like a cigar, like enjoy. And like, cause I felt bad the first time I did it, I felt bad cause I was like, there's a lot of weed. And here's like a fucking rich guy burning $100 bills. Yeah, but that's the same with a cigar.

A cigar, you're burning like $20, $10. I know, but it's not like you're – but the smoke, you know, you're still enjoying the smoke. I'm enjoying it. The thing about the weed, though, is that's precious smoke. Yeah, but it smells so much better than a cigar. It's so good that Cody... That's like the weed version of taking an extra long shower.

It's not good for the environment. You can do it every once in a while if you're sore. You get so high on Snoop's weed that you're like... high on snoop's weed that you're that i you're like the like when you're like and you're like i guess i'm just going to bed like i i i got done one night i had a glass of wine and i was like and he has these great they smell so fucking good and they have a glass tip so he has they're like this big and it's just a cannon i mean it is thick i want to grab one and show you i mean i took a picture and sent it to rogan and he goes it looks like it's filled with gum and i was like it's so good but um and he's

got his own brand so he's got i you know i don't want to know the brand name i don't want to i'm gonna go you know what fuck that do it for the listeners do it for the listeners i won't remember my ass hurts so fucking bad you are dressed like a midwestern housewife on a fucking saturday afternoon gonna go out there get in the pool all right google how much these cost. Okay. It's Louis the 13th. These are the ones he's been giving me. And they're so enjoyable.

Those are amazing. Yeah. And they're individually packaged. Yeah, they come exactly. They're closed in, so they're sealed. Louis the 13th blunts. They're unreal. I mean they're sealed. Louis XIII blunts. They're unreal. I mean, take a look at this, Bill.

Wait a second. I'm trying to... Hey, look up the price, Andrew. Let me see that when it's got a glass tip on it. Glass tip. Oh, wow. And the tobacco, it's not like a Swiss your sweet, but it tastes kind of sweet. You know, like. I hate that shit. It smells so good.

I walked into. Anybody tells me about like a cigar that tastes sweet. I still remember the first time I had one and the last time I had one. I was in Chicago and this guy had like this really light leaf. looked like whenever you they had like that Connecticut rap or something yeah dude it was like I felt like I just ate pancakes or something and decided to fucking smoke it was disgusting it was really gross I didn't like it yeah they're uh they're really really enjoyable and and you it's it's like i hope young people are getting something out of this because this is what happens when you get to our age is you sort of reminisce about the fun you have and the shit that you would be doing

he he really enjoys marijuana like it's it's all right let's not let's not talk it's locker room shit okay the man the man is a uh he's a mogul he's a legend in this business and how he chooses to unwind is his business there all right you ready so so bill the other night we have movie night out here in macon we have a big screen where we're doing the show and we have a great sound system, and we play Jurassic Park, and they were serving Bud Light Seltzer. I took a picture with Rosario Dawson, and I sent it to you. She had her first Bud Light Seltzer. Oh, I saw that.

And she loved it. She's like, this is amazing. I go, oh, I'm hitting up Bill. And I was like, Bill, I'm here with Rosario. And she had a Bud Light Seltzer. She had the cranberry. They've got three new flavors, grapefruit, pineapple, and cranberry, starting, I think, starting in September.

Basically, it's a Cape Codder. That's what we used to call cranberry. Cranberry and booze, right? Cape Codder. It's the beer version of a Cape Codder. 100 calories, 1 gram of sugar. Where was this when I was bruising? Yeah, back in the day.

Now they've got the five-step filtration process for a quality taste and a clean finish and what they it was great they have a bud light easy drinking name which is what rosario loved about it is she said that's so funny i i that's my go-to is always bud light you add the seltzer and there i am and right now bud light seltzer is looking for its first ever chief meme officer because they have delicious seltzer but their memes need some work. The job responsibilities include taste testing the product, making hilarious memes including verbal memes

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That website is thompson, T-H-O-M-P-S-O-N, cigar.com. And use the promo code BillBurt. Let's talk Tom Brady. Let's do it. How fucking great did he look? I sent a text out to everyone I knew, and I said,

Tom, the Bucs are going to win the Super Bowl. And then they fell apart towards the end. No, no, no. He's getting used to, you know, there's people breaking off their routes and shit. He threw the pick stick. Who gives a fuck? He did that with the Patriots. What I was impressed with, the zip on his ball still there. The competitive fire is still there. That's the deal. You know, and I was, you know, watching the Patriots. It was the same thing. Cam Newton's dealing with a new offense, a whole new team, new system and all that. And I watched what Bill Belichick was able

to do with Matt Castle, who Matt Castle does not have Cam's skill set. So I imagine that he's just going to, as we get through September, seeing, okay, this is in Cam's wheelhouse. This is a little too Tom. We need to make this more Cam. That's what he did with Matt Castle. Make this more Matt than blah, blah, blah. The guy is a fucking genius. The thing we need is, uh,

the other thing I, there's a couple of things that just scared me that, you know, our quarterback had head and shoulders, the most yards rest rushing. That scares me. Cause that, you know,

he's a big dude, but he's, you know, taking all those hits. And I, I just hope that guy, Harry or somebody steps up. So we have like a legit number two option.

I don't know why we didn't sign Danny and Madola is still killing. He's killing it for the fucking lions. He had a great game for them last Sunday. We need a guy like that. So it frees up Edelman to be single, uh, single coverage. I thought,

uh, you know what? This is silly. Our old line looked good, though. I don't like talking about the politics and stuff of it. I really enjoyed the protests that I think that the Falcons did on kickoff. I thought that was kind of

cool that they did the kickoff and then everyone just took a fucking knee. I thought that was like... i mean i don't understand people that have like i actually have friends of mine you know back home uh will still argue to me they'll argue you know trump isn't racist or anything it's just like so you're telling me all those millions and millions and millions and millions of black people are wrong but you as a white person understand their life experience more than they do yeah look i'm just saying the da da da da and all that type of shit so i mean i i don't know it's a it's a weird uh it's a really weird time and like the level of hostility um the level of racism that still

exists that you know they make it seem like it left in the 1960s it's just like it hasn't man it's like it's right I mean it's but it's also the news really it's so fucking news is just so fucking reprehensible where

they really like fan the flames of dividing people. And I was guilty last week because I talked about Trump saying, you know, troops are losers and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And right after I did the podcast, I looked it up because it was interesting to me. How is he going to get out of this? And then I looked, I was just like, oh, this is just somebody said that he said it. And then this whole thing was written by people, you know, super hardcore left. Oh, this is probably bullshit. Yeah. Or exaggerated and all of that.

And then I got fucking hammered. I just, you know, by people listening to my podcast, I was just like, you're right. So I mean, I've been guilty of doing that. And it's even stupid for me to bring it up because it's like, if they're into the guy, they're still going to vote for him. So I'm just kind of excited that all of this shit's going to be over in about a month. Yeah, it's going to restart. I hate to say this.

I definitely think Trump is getting reelected. No, no, no. But my thing is I'm sick of the, like, I really think, like, debates and all of that shit. I think there's a few really open-minded, amazingly smart people that haven't already made up their mind and are really listening to candidates or whatever and really want to hear the issues and are really impartial.

But the other 99.9% of us knew who the fuck we were voting for probably four years ago. Yeah, yeah. I feel like Trump people a month into his presidency is like, I can't wait to vote for this guy again. And a bunch of liberals are like, we got to get this guy out. I don't think that there's people going like, well, let's see Joe Biden and let's see Trump and let's sort of, they're so like polar opposite. They should just have the election now is what I'm saying. What do you think about Rogan hosting the debates? Is that going to happen? You see, yesterday Trump asked him to. I don't envy that position that he's in because you really gotta watch

as long as you have both both guys that are in there because if it's just one guy they can they they're just sort of using you and and joe's massive like influence but i but joe is smart enough to handle that stuff but like i would be like definitely and if there's one dude i know that would that and i'm saying if there's only one dude it is joe rogan who would be so over prepared for that debate like he would be so he is someone who would shut down who would shut down, throw his phone away, get on his computer,

close out the doors, and focus until that debate happens. I just would never, I mean, obviously, I would never want to be that person because I would just fuck it up and everyone would hate me. I would do the wrong thing. I'd laugh at the inappropriate joke.

I'd giggle at whatever. You know, I'd be, I'd Billy Bush the fuck out of that. But. Billy Bush. Billy Bush was just, Billy Bush the fuck out of that. But Billy Bush, Billy Bush, Billy Bush was babysitting a lunatic.

He's like, Hey, you know, after that interview, he's probably going like, that guy was out of his fucking mind. And he took the fucking hit. He did.

He took the hit. The other guy became president. Nothing. None of that made sense. He took the fucking hit. Like he's the Jimmy Fallon got shit for tousling Trump's hair. They wanted to cancel him. It's so funny because I am so Billy Bush.

Like I, you can say the most atrocious thing to me. I go, sure thing, Bill. I stopped short of that. But I would say that when you're just sitting there. And the thing about Trump too was he was a fucking cartoon character. He was just sort of like, I mean, I know he's a real guy, but he was just sort of this, he was this funny guy. You know, he's like going bankrupt, and then he has a book,

The Art of the Deal. He was just funny, and he put his name on everything, and he was always talking about how much money he had and all this shit he was doing while he's like running a fucking, he's doing a reality show. It's like, how do you have time to run all this shit and shoot a TV show? The whole thing was just funny. Like I,

I just felt like he was like, it was like watching a wrestler and I was a huge fan of the guy. So like, I think if you were like interviewing him and he's saying all this wild shit you know if you're billy bush your job is to get the fucking interview and just be like oh yeah yeah okay and it's just like and you don't know like half of the shit that he's saying is he it's like is this what this guy has to do to amp himself up you know i just walk up and grab pussies he sounded like he sounded like dave chappelle doing fucking uh rick james hold pussies. He sounded like he sounded like Dave Chappelle doing fucking Rick James.

Hold my drink, bitch. Like, I felt like he was in that mode. He was like gassing himself up. I don't know. But I did think it was weird. It's like, wait, so this guy. You know, dude, Hollywood is so fucking phony. And those fucking E! Entertainment people.

Hi, how are you doing? I'm Billy Bush. I mean, they don't is so fucking phony. And those fucking E! Entertainment people, hi, how you doing? I'm Billy Bush. I mean, they don't even look like real people. So his whole thing is just like acting like he's interested in these people who are obsessed with themselves. It's such a weird fucking job. So I think he was just in E! Entertainment.

You know, you got your own bowling alley. Ha ha, just. Yeah. And then you leave, you're just sitting there going like, what the fuck was that? That was a house of horrors in there. Whatever. Send me the check.

I got a mortgage too. Let's go get a taco. And you just fucking leave. But then they take the audio. He was, he was, he was co-signing on sexual assault. It was just like,

I mean, you know, that's the weird thing is that if they got, you know, say they wired your house, right? Say someone broke into your house, wired it, and heard you and Nia saying horrible shit about transgender people or whatever. You can just hear that on my podcast.

You can hear all kinds of horrible shit. America would never question the guy that wired your house they would attack you for saying that shit i know because i also hate when they fucking go uh if they get like a private cell phone conversation and everybody's talking i so want to be on a show when somebody asks about that i'd be like well i think that that's a private phone conversation and i think it says a lot about you that you listen to it yeah i don't want people listening to my phone calls or or repeating my text messages the way i joke and all of that shit so if i don't want that then i should extend that same courtesy to other people that's why i never

watch a sex tape. I never watch any of that. Any of that shit that gets put out of there and the person's like, I'm mortified. It's like, I 100% understand that. And I don't fucking watch it. It's none of my business. I watch it, but then I just don't give a fuck. Like Chris Evans tweeted,

texted out his picture of his junk recently. And I was like, oh, I'll click the link. And I saw it and I was like, okay, nice piece. I was like, whatever. I mean, I really care I'm not I'm not appalled I don't none of my opinion well you cared enough to click on it yeah I want to see his dick who is he uh he's a Captain America he's been he's a working guy I mean by the way he's a big dude I was like I'm kind of curious I don't know how I size up against Chris Evans. And I was like, I don't. Nice piece, Chris.

And then I just went on. I don't look. I don't like. I remember Brad Pitt. They had a picture of Brad Pitt's dick in Playgirl. I think when I was in New York, they had a picture of Brad Pitt naked in Playgirl. I actually went and bought the Playgirl just to see his dick. And I was like, that's a big dick.

I threw the magazine away, but not like I just do it. Just like, like, uh, it's funny because Kat Denning, uh, had pictures released to her naked.

And she was like, you know, I wish that Hollywood, I wish that the public would extend the same courtesy they do to Chris Evans and his privacy to us females when we got naked. And someone on set's like, Kat Denning got pictures of her naked? And another person's like, oh yeah, they leaked them.

And I just real quick went online, typed in Kat Denning nude. By the way, absolutely beautiful. Does not change. I have a question. If you send out a dick pic pic at what point are people laying off what do you mean i i didn't i didn't think that they they extend a courtesy to a naked male celebrity that's what she said that's fucking dude they just make up shit yeah i i literally friend it was all day for two days oh i, I'm not. No, no, no.

Meaning it definitely, they definitely didn't extend the courtesy. I'm agreeing with you. Oh, okay. They did not extend the courtesy. I know. It's just like, I just feel like that's an easy. Do you remember like for a while there, if you got caught saying something racist, you just, you somehow got to say I'm an alcoholic and I get to go to rehab now?

Like, I am singing We Are The World when I'm sober, bro. You get a couple of beers in me next thing you know, I'm in a Klan meeting. And I'm like, how did this happen? Like, that was like a legit excuse for a second. This bullshit that women just keep doing where they, it starts with that stupid thing that if a woman does it, she's a bitch. If a guy does it, was they respect him it's like it's like nobody likes getting treated like shit if your boss is a guy and he's a dick you want to you want to fucking kill him you want him to get fired you want his marriage to fall apart nobody's sitting there going like you know what he told me to go fuck him myself but god damn it i respect him you don't you hate the guy yeah i don't think

there's any courtesy i i don't this sounds silly but like i don't not that i don't extend the courtesy to someone if they're naked i'm curious but i'm not like retweeting it reposting it and starting a website to it i think maybe that's where they you know when women do it, dudes set up websites like the fappening, and they're like, these are cat, like I'm going to monetize cat denning naked. Right. Well, I mean, but there's two sides to that. There's also women like that go through their lives

without ever paying for a drink. So I don't care how good looking you are as a guy, you're paying for your own drink. So I don't care how good looking you are as a guy, you're paying for your own drink. So disadvantages to women beauty, it's not all disadvantages. Dude, I am just so fucking sick. People have to stop telling people what their experience is like when they're not them, especially if you're bitching about your own experience yeah and and one part of that is don't fucking talk for me while i talk for you it's like no it's like you have no idea what you you have as much idea of what it's like to be a guy as i have an idea what it's like to be

a woman yeah thank god you said yes yeah no no i i mean it's the truth i i think what's interesting is i was like if i was cat denning and i didn't want people to google me naked i wouldn't spoken up again when chris chris whatever his name is came out naked i would have been like oh yeah that sucks that happened to me i might i i show my dick i'm almost certain i show my dick in my new netflix series i'm i can't remember i haven't seen the final cut but i'm certain i'm naked a couple times in rough cuts that i saw and it is not an impressive dick and that's where kat denning is like i'm like please speak up for me please Please extend that courtesy to me. Do not screen grab and share a picture of that dick

because it does not look good. I really believe, I don't want to read somebody else's emails. I don't read their text messages. I don't need to hear their phone. I don't have that J. Edgar Hoover fucking weirdo curiosity thing about me. I really believe in people's privacy. I really

think that that it's their own thing. And if they say I'm mortified and blah, blah, blah, I just go, I understand that I would be mortified too. Why would I do that? Like as much as an, of an asshole that I am, Bert, I am not like mean or vindictive. Like I don't like want, I mean, I've obviously as a human being, I've said shit that's hurt people, but like, I never like deliberately go out and would be like, oh, if I do this, this is going to make you've expressed that this is going to make you feel bad. I'm going to do that. I mean, I did that when I was a kid. You know what I mean? I got bullied. I bullied some kids and it was part of growing up. It's like, all right, now it's my turn to pick on somebody smaller, but then you become become an adult and what just amazes me is how a bunch

of adults are acting like a bunch of bullies name calling okay chad okay brad okay karen okay boomer i mean twitter has just fucking jumped the shark with all of that shit uh you know it's funny there's a there's a video of a woman. I think they call her California Queen. Have you seen it, Andrew? I knew at this point you knew better than to ask me. Have you seen it, Andrew?

It is a video of a woman on Spirit Airlines, a black woman, kind of losing her shit a little bit and saying everything that is horrible is, that is horrible, but that she's ever wanted to say to white people on a plane as they're escorting her off. And I know that, I know that, uh, brand wise, everyone assumes that I will, I would, I should point out that she was a racist. She was, but, and that she was unfair, which she was uh racist she was but and that she was unfair which she was but for whatever reason

bill and i this is what i i this is why i made me giggle it reminded of me of you in philly is this woman starts i at one point i was like please turn the plane please turn them so they start cheering for you because i would have started cheering for her because she threw every fucking car money's worth did you ever see that movie sexy beast when they kick ben kingsley's character off the plane that's what i'm thinking of i hope this plane crashes that's my favorite one she is i mean she you know obviously people see it i think people are outraged or whatever i don't know but whatever reason, I noticed that the flight attendant did shove her. It wasn't unreal. She did kind of shove her.

And this woman snapped. And then this other white chick turned and said something to her. And she was like, no, this is 2020. Your white privilege is done. I'm a California queen. you got the recessive gene I got the dominant gene I can make white people you can't make black I mean it was I wanted her to win that airplane so bad if I had been there I would have started going preach like I would have just I wanted that so bad I wish I hope someone would take that video and

edit it so that it turns into that Bernie Mac set where I ain't scared of you motherfuckers yeah it's unfortunate dude the way the way people are it's just people I'm telling you man this whole social media thing 24-hour news, it's turned us all into Hatfields and McCoys. And like, I'm 50 years old, dude. I've never seen it like this. I've never seen it this fucking divided, but there also wasn't all of these ugly moments being videotaped back then so they were probably happening um but like uh yeah it's it's a uh i don't know i i think i i'm hoping we're gonna come out of it i just think that we're just sort of the guinea pigs i always equate it to when they lit off the atom bomb that one time and they just had the troops walk towards it just to see the effects and so you know of course they

all died but like i just feel like that's where we are with, that's where we are with social media and 24 hour news network and all of that type of shit. It's so funny that you're not- Good for her, man. Good for her. She went down swinging and- Went down swinging.

You got to see the video. And I'm sure there's a bunch of white people. What white people love to fucking do is act like it's a level playing field. Yeah. And be like, if I did that, I would lose my job. And it's like,

okay, great. Do you want her job opportunities? As a female and as a black person, the fuck out of here. Yeah. That whole, and that's like another thing too

where white, racist white people try to act like they don't understand what black athletes are protesting. You know, stand up and respect the flag.

It's like, no matter how they protest, they're going to find a fucking reason why they shouldn't be doing it. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny that you don't drink because every time I do a podcast with you, I want to have a cocktail after I get done. Like something about being around you makes me giggle.

And then I go, man, I want to get, I want to, I want to open a bottle of wine and just start Googling jeep grand cherokees or the grand wagoneers like i want now i want to smoke this blunt like a cigar sit in my room close the blinds and fucking googling uh google uh videos of of 1950s flyboys like i don't know what it is about you and rogan are interesting guys because you

guys have interests that are outside of like all my interests kind of revolve around the industry or the business or or like self-serving shit like running you know like you guys that's what's cool it's like joe's got joe's got one of those uh those badass fucking broncos the old school ones oh yeah i've seen it. That gray one. Yeah, it's beautiful. So beautiful. And that's what you're talking about.

Now I'm thinking, God damn it. I want to get – how am I 47 and I never even knew about this shit? Dude, I didn't know shit about cards. I always liked them, but I didn't know shit until I came out to California. I just would be walking down the street and I just – I saw so many just – like if you were talking about collecting football cards, like the unfamous ones are like called common cards. Like there's so many common car automobiles out here.

Like I saw a Chevy Citation. Those do not exist on the East Coast as far as where I was living. I saw the Pontiac T1000, Pontiac's version of the Chevy Chevette. I saw like, you'll see like a fucking Ford Escort GT, an 88 Ford Escort GT. How many of those did they make? And this thing still exists.

Those are the ones that like blow my mind where I'm like, oh my God, I remember that. I saw the Datsun B210, one of the ugliest fucking cars ever made. I saw one of those sitting out. It looks like a fucking doorstop with wheels on it. Do you know what Snoop and I were talking about the other night?

Which I wonder if you remember. Do you remember football pencils? Yeah. Oh. All of that shit was so huge. And if you had one yeah dude i remember we went to like uh herman's sporting goods or something and i got i got two football jerseys they were basically baseball shirts that were sort of jersey material one of

them said cowboys and was number 12 it was was Roger Starback. And then I had another one. I forget what the other one was. And kids used to be like, thought they were the coolest things ever. My older brother had the number 14, Steve Grogan, the red one with the white numbers. Who, by the way, Cam Newton, 75 yards rushing, is the most rushing by a Patriots quarterback since Steve Grogan in 1977. I remember Steve Grogan. I remember having to think about some of the guys we had other than Doug

Flutie and that dude Bishop. None of them could really run. Doug Williams. No, Doug, no, Doug Flutie. And then we had,

I'm saying, I always forget his first name. He was mobile, but like football wasn't ready. No. You know, for the black quarterback running style. Amazing too when you watch, what's his name, for the Ravens. So, did you see him yesterday?

No, but I was watching, what was that? I watched the Patriots and I watched the Buccaneers. God. All right, we should probably wrap this up. I'll talk to you next week before you go out on the road, right? Dude, I'm telling everybody, watch highlights of Denver Broncos had the first black quarterback, Marlon Briscoe. Look that guy up.

You'll see today's NFL in the mid, the late sixties. And he fucking crushed it and threw for 300 yards, ran all over the goddamn field was fucking great. And the next season, not only did they, did he, was he not the starting quarterback? Couldn't compete for it.

They drafted some white kid and he ended up getting shipped off to Buffalo and became a, a wide receiver. And forever I've had his football card. And I just thought he was just, you know, one of those players that, you know, played in the league for a few years and that was it. And then I found out just through looking at old AFL stuff that this guy was an incredible quarterback. He lives right down in Long Beach.

I think they tried to do that to Warren Moon. And I always look at like Warren Moon. Yeah, he had to go to the CFL and become a great CFL quarterback and then come down to the NFL and still do Hall of Fame numbers when he was like 30 years old and on. I remember Warren Moon, I watched something on Warren Moon and he talked about them moving him to wide receiver and he said, no, I'm a quarterback.

And I remember thinking, I never have had that. If they said – it's that Sylvester Stallone gene where you go, hey, we want to make Rocky, but we want to put Tom Selleck in that role. And he's like, this is my movie. And they're like, well, it's not going to get made with you in it. And he's like, this is my movie. And then I wonder how many of those guys just never got their movie made. Yeah, when you go all in, in dude you don't always win the pot

but like yeah i understand you really respect people like that so yeah um all right dude this is a fun podcast dude this is a really fun talking about shit that you want to get but you can't because you're married that's a whole podcast within the podcast. We should have people send in, married guys start sending in shit. The bit's called, If I Wasn't Married. Oh, that's a brilliant fucking segment. If I wasn't married, what I'd get. Yeah, and I just want to start seeing, because you know there's guys out there that would get like some fucking

literally like just completely different shit, like an industrial level, like restaurant level fucking smoker. And I'd invite my entire graduation class from my high school. Everybody hashtag, hashtag Bill Burtt if they're going to reply, if they're going to tweet out anything. I was working with, I want to say. I like that. Hashtag Bill Burtt.

If I wasn't married dot dot dot hashtag bill burt and then just send a picture tweet out a picture there was a comic i hope i'm getting this right i'm almost certain i am his name is mike merriweather and we were working in dayton together and no not in dayton in toledo together and he was going through a divorce right and we were having lunch and he was i think he was by the way i, right? And we were having lunch. And he was, I think he was, by the way, I apologize to Mike if I'm not getting this perfect. But I said to him, you know, man, you ever just think like, fuck, I'm a grownup. Like, I should have a four-wheeler. And his eyes lit up.

He's going through divorce. He goes, I've always wanted a four-wheeler. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, no, you know what? Fuck this. I'm not married anymore. I could just buy a four-wheeler if I want. And I said, yeah, you can buy a four-wheeler. And he goes, I'm getting a fucking four-wheeler, yeah. And he goes, no. You know what? Fuck this. I'm not married anymore. I could just buy a four-wheeler if I want. And I said, yeah, you can buy a four-wheeler.

And he goes, I'm getting a fucking four-wheeler, man. Like, I'm going to get a fucking four-wheeler. See that, though? That's that shit is women sit there and bitch. They don't see what they do to us. That guy is literally institutionalized. Like, he was outside of jail still feeling like he was in his cell. Yeah.

And it took you saying that to be like wait a minute i'm earning money this is my money i want to do this yeah now i'm not shitting on my wife because my wife lets me do a lot of stuff but like if you're in a bad marriage they always make it seem like you know it's a chick so he's in the burning bed situation like when did they ever made a fucking miniseries about a guy in a bad fucking marriage, and he gets out of it, rather than burning her to death, he just goes out and buys the four-wheeler he always wanted.

And it's called The Cunt. The Burning Cunt. The Burning Cunt. And it's just a guy who's just brow beaten by a fucking bitch. We should write, we got to change the name, but we should just, as a goof,

we should go in and pitch that. We should write a treatment. And it's about a guy in an abusive marriage. And all he wants to do is get out and buy a four wheeler just to look at their faces when we're fucking pitching. And we'll change the name of the title. It's just called the C word. And the poster of the name of the title. It's just called The C Word. And the poster of the movie has a woman's face that just looks like a gun.

And it's called The C Word. Well, let's start off. Listen, I know this is coming off harsh, but I really believe it's high time that your network address the fact that cunts exist. Yeah. We have this. Look at this script as a bridge towards some sort of male following

on your channel um all right dude i gotta get running here my kid's gonna be up here bill bill here's what we do we we pitch it like don draper where we make her a powerful cunt that like that's the bad guy like dexter and it's it's a cunt you love well that's that would be their industry note. Yeah. But isn't he like overbearing? And isn't he like not buying the four-wheeler because of his own insecurities and inferiority? They'd take the knees out of it.

They would. And then at the last second, they would turn the cunt to the guy. And then the chick would be, I don't know. They'd do something like that. All right. Anyways, we got to wrap it up here. All right, everybody. Thank you for listening to another wonderful episode of The Bill.

Bert. Pod. Cast. Thank you.