The Bill Bert Podcast - The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 34

Episode Date: October 15, 2020

Bill and Bert prattle about SNL, NYC, and Greg Giraldo.

Hey guys, my new series, The Cabin, is streaming right now on Netflix. It's got Tom Segura, Joey Diaz, Fortune Feimster, Miss Pat, Anthony Anderson, Caitlyn Jenner, Kaley Cuoco, Joel McHale, Big Jay Oakerson, Dion Cole. Who am I forgetting? Nikki Glaser. Who am I forgetting? I know I'm forgetting someone. They're going to be so mad.

It's streaming right now on Netflix. Go enjoy it and chill. The Cabin. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for another episode of the wonderful Bill Burr Podcast. What's going on, dude? I am so proud to have a podcast with you. Because I've never enjoyed television more in my entire life than sitting on the bus and watching your opening monologue for SNL.

I'm so proud of you, man. I'm so excited. It was so great. It was so great. It was so awesome. It was fucking everything I love about you, Bill. I can't say enough about it. I really honestly It was amazing, man. I'm fucking so

in awe of you because you went out in front of America and did exactly what you do. I didn't though. There was like 60 people there and that's all you do is just I and did exactly what you do. I didn't know there was like 60 people there. And that's all you do is just, I'm making these 60 people laugh. I never once thought, I never once even thought about it going out there.

What do you mean? Like, I mean, so tell me, and I know you, Bill, and I know you're going to downplay everything and I know you're going to fucking push it off to the, Hey man, I, you you, Bill, and I know you're going to downplay everything, and I know you're going to fucking push it off to the – hey, man.

You know, I – I feel 100 feet tall, and I couldn't sleep for two nights. I was so thrilled that it went the way I wanted it to go. So, I mean, I didn't downplay – dude, I had a total meltdown the Sunday before the week started thinking, like like I don't want to do this forget about what if I mess it up it was just like I don't want this level of being known I don't deserve to be here you know Alec Baldwin Jim Carrey I don't see me in that world I just want to move to the middle of nowhere just do my fucking jokes fuck podcasts and fuck everything

I wanted to I reverted back to who I was before I started doing this which was a I was a wallflower I would just stand in the corner and just fucking try to avoid conversations and just get shit faced but it's so great because it is who you are

as the guy at the loading dock who says the thing where everyone's waiting for the shipment in, says the thing to catch everyone off guard to make them giggle. Man, the joke about Rick Moranis was so fucking funny. I literally...

I mean, we watched it in the bus, and as comics watching you on SNL, we were like, that, not being on SNL, but what you did is our goal. Like, to go up and just be fucking hilarious. That Rick Moranis joke was probably, I mean, look, one of the best late night sets I've ever seen in my entire life. SNL, Letterman, Kimmel, any of that shit. Fuck that.

One of the best sets I've seen, Netflix. I mean, one of my favorite things I've ever seen. All right, Bert. Jesus Christ. But the fucking Rick Moranis. The solar system. I appreciate that. It was funny.

The Rick Moranis thing was, I thought that that was the one that was going to get me in trouble. Really? People love him. I love that. It was funny. The Rick Moranis thing was I thought that that was the one that was going to get me in trouble. Really? People love him. I love him. I thought they, oh, not Rick. Because I did it during dress and somebody in the band went, oh. For real?

Yeah, it was like, because I expect groans from the crowd. When I hear it from the band, I'm like going, oh, maybe I am saying something fucked up uh but it wasn't about that I was making fun of New York not him yeah yeah so and I know that I know you and I know that you're you're pretty to the vest but like so how does an SNL monologue work out do you run it in front of Laura Michaels do you run the material you're going to show do you put it in front of the cast? Do you run the material you're going to show? Do you put it in front of the cast? You just do it. Whatever you want to do. But then there is the point where somebody watches it. It's kind of cool. You just do it in front of the crew, standing on that stage. It makes you comfortable. I just kept standing on that stage so I could become part of the room because I kept looking at the stage and seeing that iconic background

and Sean Pelton's drums and everything and every time I looked at it I got butterflies and it's like I and they weren't the good butterflies that was the I think I got to go take a shit butterflies I was like I don't I can't be having that so I just kept in between sketches, you know, that we were rehearsing, just going up there and standing there and looking around the room, breathing it in and just doing everything I could to just make me feel like, you know, walking up the steps, coming back down, just trying to get my stink on it a little bit. And, you know, so then invariably you you

i forget maybe friday i think i ran the set and then saturday then you have to deal with if there's any standards and practice stuff because it comes on at like 8 30 so there was one um one word that they made me change and i was like oh fucking letty bruce and then and they were like we come on at eight on the west coast and i was just like all right you're right i get it there's kids watching i shouldn't say that so what was word rape word? Rape. For some dumb reason, I thought I could say that. It so made sense to me. And now saying it to you now, it's just like, yeah, what was I? Yeah. How was that guys? That sounded all right to you all right let's let's sell some donuts tonight during the show it was really um yeah it was dumb that I

thought that but um I remember when I ran the set and I said I remember some woman I don't know what she did on the show but she had the clear face shield. Yeah. And she just, I just heard muffled. I heard her just go, whoa. And in my egotistical head, I'm like, yeah, man, huh? That's going to crush. Yeah. So, but they were totally cool. But they didn't.

And then Lauren came in after dress when it didn't go so well on during dress. It went like, it was sort of clunky during dress rehearsal, which they bring a crowd and you just basically do the show and all the sketches. And then they decide which ones they're going to keep, which ones they're going to lose. And it's full dress, you know, the wigs and all that stuff. And I wasn't happy with it. And I wasn't happy with it. And I was like, oh, man, not this fucking goddamn New York fucking overly woke vibe.

Please don't let it be this. And then it wasn't that. It wasn't. I sat and Lauren was just like, make sure you take the time to say hello. People don't know who you are. Your fans do. But a lot of people watch the show don't know you so make sure you say who you are been doing stand-up for a while thank you that whole beginning was his idea and it's so got everybody locked in with me and then my first joke worked and I think I told like six jokes before I was like, oh shit, this is going.

That was great that you did come in. We analyzed it. Four comics on a bus. We analyzed the set. We watched it a few times. Then we watched it with my bus driver, Ron.

Don't overanalyze it because i be honest with you i said it different every time and i left off i left off part of the white woman joke i left off the second half of the john wayne bit i just didn't have time because i had to condense it down were you doing that on the fly? Yes. God dang. It's so funny. Someone who isn't, one of my buddies who is not a comic said he's not reading off prompter or he's not looking off cue cards. And all the comics looked at each other and were like, he's a fucking comic, bro. Like this is, he's run this set.

Like he knows this set. He can pivot on this set super quick. This is his set. This is what we do. I'm curious. What was the, what, like, what was, was there any pushback from the, from the, from the cast on what you were doing material wise? No, no, they, they were everybody like, dude, all you have to do when you go there is just be humble and be happy to be there, which is exactly what you should be. And then once I felt like once they know, because

every week they get a new diva coming in and it's just like, oh God, what is this person going to be like? And the second you come in and you're like, dude, whatever you guys write, I'm going to give it a hundred percent. I feel like they're like, all right, good. Okay, you're going to help us out? We'll help you out. You know, so I just thought everything that they wrote was totally in my wheelhouse. And like I said, once you do the sketches,

the sketches are easy because it's like you're – if you sit next to Kate McKinnon, it's going to crush. She is the, all you got to do is just, she is the most talented person. I mean, no, no disrespect to anyone on that show.

Kate McKinnon is the funniest human being I've ever seen in front of a fucking camera. She makes me giggle so much. I mean, Bill, I was more jealous that you got to hang out with kate mckinnon than you were for you doing i'm not gonna lie i was i was really happy that i was getting to do a sketch with her fuck yes dude and that was the funniest book and also i wanted to do one with keenan

because i loved keenan for all these keenan's great too man and pete and then all the then And Pete. And then everybody else, you know, other than the comics like Punky and Melissa. Oh, fucking hats off to Punky. She was great, man. Yeah, I already knew them. But everybody else was sort of like, you know, Chris Redd had done the Patrice thing. But it was just Michael Chan. I guess I knew a lot of people over there, but it was like the other the new people that I got to meet. You know, Mikey Day, Beck Bennett and those guys, Alex Moffitt and like.

Alex Moffitt. Ego, they were just. Heidi was hilarious. She wrote two really funny sketches and. I don't know. It was just it was fun like I I didn't I wasn't nervous about the sketches I I and I just it was the monologue I was like all I gotta do is have fun yeah go out there so I think I just had anxiety about doing it so during the dress I just came out like hey how's it going oh what's up with her I just kind of went right into it and then I made adjustments but I had to kind of like catch up after screwing up so the

monologue kind of did one of these and you know I don't know yeah like Lauren just sat down with me and did that Lauren thing. And I was sitting down there. I'm like, all right, the next one's for real. Here's Lauren. What's he going to say? Yeah. And he just gave me this great advice. And then he's funny as hell.

Super deadpan, too. And deadpan, I always get the deadpan joke 10 minutes later. Yeah. So I think he was having fun messing with me a little bit but um no and then Jack White signs on the whole thing oh hold on hold on don't even talk about Jack White yet don't talk we're not done with the Bill Burr experience so do you get to say to them when they when at the very beginning of the week and they start pitching sketches I know for a fact I would be like whatever you want me to do with Kate McKinnon I'm doing that however with Kate McKinnon, I'm doing that.

However, that Kate McKinnon sketch that you guys did was fucking awesome. Was really awesome. That killed from table read on. God. Yeah, but just that she makes like these really unique, hilarious choices that like... But then because it's so unique you have

i feel like the whole for what you're going to do to complement what she's doing is still available to you because she's pulling from a room you don't even know exists i mean dude it sounds crazy but like me and my daughters have watched her do sketches on, like on YouTube, on the TV. She's that fucking good. The alien sketches where she got abducted by aliens. Have you ever seen those?

I am ashamed how little SNL I'm always working. I miss it all the time. The, um, so, so when you roll in, do you do you feel a pressure to bring it in the monologue did you feel like a pressure working on the set to do bring them bring it

on the monologue to do a set where it's memorable as opposed to just passable because because i think arguably anyone would say your monologue set for SNL is probably one of the hottest monologue sets anyone's done since Chappelle said, since Chappelle, honestly. I mean, you, I, Bill, I thought over and over as I jogged around a fucking broken down racetrack, I thought he did these sets at a fucking,

at drive-in movie, at outdoor venues. If you were running these sets, this is a COVID set. This isn't material you had beforehand, right? Well, the Rick Moranis thing, I came up with that. Obviously it happened that week. So, and, but the way I was saying it

wasn't as funny as the way I did it that night. And that was, uh, I was just riffing my monologue in the hotel room, getting ready to go over there. And I was riffing about, you know, um, the whole COVID thing. And at this point, if you catch it now, it's, you're an idiot. Cause you're not listening to scientists that whole thing oh it's a dream come true and then as a joke i just went speaking of dream come true rick moranis and then my wife bursted out laughing and i was just like because i was just trying to make her laugh i was like should i say that she goes that's funny, that's funny. I go, that's not too fucked up. She goes, that's funny. God bless, Nia.

That is the fun. Like, man, sit down and take your talking to is fucking brilliant. It's brilliant. Every, there are lots of it. And, you know, and I get, maybe I get close to your sex. I'm your friend. And I get really excited about it. But fucking, that Rick Moranis joke caught everyone. It's the perfect joke because everyone loves Rick Moranis.

No one was happy about him getting punched. But you see Ricky catching one in the chops for fucking crying, crying. It's almost like you did stand-up for stand-ups because we were sitting in the bus going like, like pumping our fucking fists because it's the perfect joke it's the point of when you talk about cancer culture it's that that point is it's a joke no one doesn't love rick moranis no one doesn't see what happened to him is absolutely fucking horrible or think if that happened to me god damn it i would fucking lose my shit

however you pointing it at me you painting painting it as in New York's back was fucking great. God bless your wife, Phil. That was one of my favorite jokes. Well, yeah, I appreciate that. But like, you know, in all seriousness, I mean,

the only thing you do is actually punch the real Santa Claus is the only thing that could top punching Rick Moranis. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, at that point you knew he was okay. It was, like I said, it was making fun of New York.

So before we talk about Jack White, so you get done, you get done the monologue. Is there any conversation in between the show of how the monologue went? Or are you worried that news outlets are going to pick it up and be like, um, uh, Bill Burr attacks. Never in a million years. Never.

I didn't, wasn't like, I thought if anybody, like the, I thought the groaner in the set, I wasn't really thinking about that other stuff. So after you do the monologue, you literally go under the bleachers and they're just,

there's like five people just taking off everything you wore as you're putting something else on, as you're going, as you're putting it on, you're just like, did that go good? I think it went good.

They're gluing a wig on. All right. Just wheel you out. By the way, you with the wig, all of a sudden, everyone's like, Bill Burr's cute with hair.

Holy shit. I love the wigs. Yeah. I'm a huge fan. My head is a blank slate. It's one of the most fun things about acting is dressing up

as somebody different. You put that thing on and just look in the mirror and you're like, oh, who the fuck is... I know this guy. I remember this guy used to be able

to hit a baseball. Yeah, I know. I don't mean like younger me. I just mean like you just, you know, you're dressing like the sports guy. And, you know, I was obviously doing a little bit. I was sort of trying to do the guy from who did the show with Shannon Sharp. Oh, God, that was a great. That was a great guy.

And the Salisbury guy I always liked his energy was always kind of funny to me too so I was trying to do like just like guys like that I don't know dude I don't want to get too inside of this so people start watching the show thinking about what the fuck I was doing

but it's like it's such a fun show to do and there's no was doing, but it's, it's, it's like, it's such a fun show to do. And there's no reason to stress out about it because it's literally everybody around you is working their ass off. And then they're just waltzing you around. Um, they, they write the whole thing for you. All you have to do is just go out and do your monologue. And then you're going to go there. Wardrobe's going to dress you, hair and makeup's going to do your thing. And then you're going to go out there and work with some of the best sketch actors out there. And you're going to go there. Wardrobe's going to dress you. Hair and makeup's going to do your thing. And then you're going to go out there and work with some of the best sketch actors out there. And you're going to be in scenes with two, three, four of the people.

And they got you. They're not going to let you fall down on the ground. So you can actually just have fun. And then if you get like a killer musical guest, you get to stand like, that's why I was cheesing. Oh, dude. I was cheesing oh dude i was cheesing because i saw what he was doing in rehearsal and i was just like it was like it reminded me of like when i would go up and bomb at a comedy club and all the comics were bombing and then i knew david tell was next and he could feel the crowd being cocky like they had control of the show and i would

always hang around like these guys have no fucking idea what they're in for. And that's what I felt like when I was introducing Jack and his band. That like, I know you guys know Jack is good, but you have no idea. Because I think he had the, like, psyched I get to perform. Because like, all performers were like going nuts just as much as fans want to see performances people who perform want to perform and then also the whole you know we got to send Eddie off right that he had and he and it just so happened he had bought that the Wolfgang guitar off of Eddie and Eddie set it up so he was playing that and then he did

the little subtle, like just for a few minutes, you know, 10 seconds, little tap on little tip of the cap to Eddie. They had the tribute to Eddie. I was, I had the Van Halen show. It was, it was, from my experience, it was like a perfect show as far as I had so much fun. The musical guest killed it. And then I got to say goodbye to such a legend

like Eddie was such a good guitarist like I learned how to be a better comedian watching him watching him having this power and knowing how to I was just talking to Steve Byrne about that how to then just not do it the whole time. How to pull it back and then get you in the face with it and then bring it down and then come back up. It's all the same. It's all the same shit. They're just using instruments to do it.

So I don't know. All right. Jack Black. Real quick. Jack White. Real quick. Did you get to hang out with Jack White at all? Did he say hi and chill?

Yes. Like the dressing room's right across the hall. And he put out a record of mine. Oh, from his studio in Nashville. Yeah, one of my, yeah, the Carnegie Hall one. So it was weird. Like we did the whole deal and put it out we never met and then um i met him at uh vince vaughn's wild west um comedy show and and i think i met him on that one or there

was a time we did an f is for family from third man records He's got this amazing basically where he makes records. I've been there. We did a record for Ari Shaffir there. You can do like live performance there. It's the coolest little thing. Like that guy, he's literally, like I was joking on my podcast, it's like

he's like a time traveler. He's like from now, but if he also said, yeah, I was this age in 1935, he'd be like, yeah, I see that. I definitely see that. And in the best possible way. So, you know, we would just. Did you geek out on music at all with them?

I know you did. No, I try not to, you know, bore them with too much shit. Because I'd be like, so how do you come up with the joke, bro? Do you like? No, no, no. But I know you. If someone brings up helicopters or drums, you are fucking engaged. Yes.

Whoa. I can't imagine you were like fucking a little geeked out I'll tell you what I did my first two solos right before I went back to go do the show my first two solos in like two and a half years I always get my confidence up

and then I go on the road for a while I'm just like really cautious I'm not doing this unless I do the flight twice with an instructor and then I do like fucking you know 10 auto rotations and my instructor's saying like good you know nice nice when they're doing that as you're coming into the flare then i'm like okay um so i had done that two days in a row i felt really good that. I did my sets out on the farms and behind motels and, you know, racetracks and shit. And it was fun. And then I got to New York. I went to, uh,

the, um, I went to Chris rocks when, when he did it the week before, cause I got there Thursday. Oh, nice. Just let me come down because he's the coolest dude ever. And I went in there. It was just great to go in there to feel the nervous energy and then also be like, I can't believe how small this place is. I mean, it's big, but like the enormity of the show

that it has all happened here since 1975. And yeah, I saw all that stuff. I saw, you know, where we were standing, Megan Thee Stallion and her backup dancers went all, went out, did their thing, and then came back out. And I'm watching, like, Chris running around. So it really was good to kind of, like,

just be sort of sitting there on a bench and watch a baseball game before you played it so um i was more nervous during his show which was weird really well because i'd never been there before so and then i also knew that like you know it's a comic i'm rooting for him so i would add like the butterflies when he was coming out and then he got the first two laughs i'm like all right he's chris rock he's good now um so yeah i don't know i don't know i don't remember half the shit i can't imagine what's it like the next morning you wake up no post party no i'm guessing right no post party what's it like the next morning when you wake up are you do you get on your phone to look at twitter do you look at the news or

they off social media you did off social media for three days really yes you were you were trending the night of snl the next morning of snL and fucking Monday morning of SNL you were trending like Dax Prescott Bill Burr like fucking trending and it was amazing to me who had your back the people that had your back

it was the reason you do comedy it was the people number one black twitter fucking loved you loved you like it was the reason you do comedy. It was the people. Number one, black Twitter fucking loved you, loved you, loved you.

Like, you know what's funny about that? Is I did like three BETs. I did the Apollo. I did Chappelle's show. Cause I always, I wanted to have a mixed following. Cause I always loved the crowds in New York. Cause if everybody's there,

then it opens up what you can joke about, you know, because everybody's there so they know you're joking, you know? And who would have thought you do one of the historically whitest shows ever and that's what ends up getting you to kind of be able to hop over or something. It was funny because the critiques really were from children,

in my opinion. So I looked at a couple of the critiques, and it was like, you know, my daughters say tired sayings that they've learned on the internet. Like, this is the content I showed up for. Or, oh, I'm so over this person if they say these like like literally tired sayings and then I get angry because they're not being original like say what you want to say but use your own words don't use someone else's word I call that twitter speak and the people

that got upset were using twitter speak and being destroyed by adults. Destroyed. I mean, it was so enjoyable to see some child jump in and think, I'll say what I think the crowd's going to say. And then see a 44-year-old black woman from Atlanta who's a hairstylist go, nah, go fuck yourself, child. Like, it was awesome, it was awesome i i could see what okay when i got off stage i got the nod from the comics that i respected my wife said it was funny i could tell the people at the show were perhaps so I knew because the bottom line is dude like there's people out there they don't like good fellas they're like yeah I'm not really

in a mom mood it's like if if there's people out there that if you're gonna shit on good fellas if good fellas can get a bad review from somebody you know what am I above it and I get it and it doesn't bother me and I don't think it's wrong that people didn't like what I did. That's fine. That's fine. I just when you take it to the point of I'm now going to try and destroy your career or that's where it just kind of goes off the rails and there's that and then also i i do i really have a hard time understanding fellow comedians trashing other comedians sets yeah like it's i mean i i mean i'm not going to get into that but like that lets me know who you are as a person because all of those people would easily get my number if they don't have it if you're a comedian you can get my number

and if you really have a fucking issue which is dm'd me or whatever by the way no by the way i just searched my inbox like piggyback on this stupid nonsense and try to like i don't know i'm just like oh so you're one of those you're one of those all right cool that's in the i i got that in in the in the file cabinet there shut that drawer never to be opened that is the thing that blows my mind is comedians that would get outraged at another comic taking shots on a big show and really putting themselves out there and really like you i mean you did you did it try and help you try and help these other people who don't know shit take you out and it's just that the the cannibalism of that is is um that's like i don't know you know what i find with those types of people is that you then run into them,

is they'll literally go like, hey, great job on SNL. And it's just like you realize you put that out on Twitter, right? Yeah. Dude, I mean, I'm sure I've had that experience. I've had that experience a couple of times. And, yeah, it's sort of the game within the game. And then you got to be like, oh, yeah, hey, thanks. Yeah. It's so nice that someone like you enjoyed it,

even though you said you didn't. Whatever. That's crazy to me. All of that's nuts to me. It's nuts to me that people jump in on shit, serious accusations when they weren't there and haven't they they're just getting the information as soon as i am and they just go all in like they're they're the da of the state and they've they've they have like these these big cardboard boxes of of of um you know

evidence that they've just poured through over the months, putting to this case together. And it's like, no, this shit just started trending and you're going this hard. They're like that guy who used to scream about the stocks. Not saying he didn't do research, but they're coming with that energy. That blows my mind. Yeah. That somebody my mind. Yeah. That somebody would do that to anybody.

You know, it's just like, wow, like how can you're really sure that like that something in that fucking 36 letter tweet really just, I guess, that's all you need. Why are trials so long, Bert? We could just wrap this up in a tweet or two. Why don't we just deliberate with a gun reaction? What do you guys think? You take a look at him.

Is he guilty? I was riffing about that, joking about that. I was doing something called, it's almost like a sketch, Twitter lawyer and it's just like Twitter lawyer can we hear your opening statement yes I have no fucks left I just love that somebody's trial is gonna start with that opening statement it's like you're literally okay now you're gonna be a part of, I hope you're right, you know, because I'm not sticking up or defending anybody here. It's just, I'm just sort of, I'm just observing it like a comic. Like, that's amazing to me that you can go in that hard or whatever, you know, I don't know. Okay, everybody, it's time for the ad reads where you get to watch me and Bert try to read out loud.

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and it's going to change your life for the better. Get 20% off plus free shipping at manscaped.com slash bill Burt. Add some swag to your saggy bag. Love it. So, so a lifelong dream. Been in comedy now, what?

28 years, 30 years. How long have've been doing stand-up be 29 in march 29 years been doing stand-up lifelong dream to do snl what's it like to achieve your dream is it better than you thought it was going to be or worse well it's definitely not worth it was It was, it was, um, no kind of exactly what it was. Really? Total elation, total satisfaction. I didn't feel bad the next day. I wasn't, there was, there was no, there hasn't been a letdown. So it's none of those guys who win the Superbowl and wake up the next day and

they're like, now what? No, no, I don't have that. I, the first time I bought a house, right. I bought a house and I was just like, you know, it was a little house or whatever, but it was mine. And I bought it off of telling jokes. And, you know, at that point I was just like, you know, selling an Opie and Anthony markets, which was hardcore East coast, Chicago, San Francisco, not on San Francisco, but on the West coast,

they seem to have the oceans and a little bit of the rust belt. So that was, I was, that was my gravy train working for that great show and that's, I was a comedian who was, you know, Jim Norton got in on the Opie and Anthony show. That's where I was a comedian who was, you know, Jim Norton got in on the Opie and Anthony show. That's where I was at. And I said to my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, I was just like, I know I'm not supposed to say this, but I feel like I made it.

You know, because I wasn't going to be doing that thing of like, you know, that you can't be happy or, you know, always keep grinding and never be satisfied with yourself that dumb though that that you see on instagram though that that you know um heart attack way heart attack at 35 of you know um all of that shit that they talk about, like none of that's going to bring you happiness. Yeah. If, you know, I don't, well, I shouldn't say it. It doesn't work for me. I just look at that and some of that stuff is just, it's the dumbest thing. There's a lot of that guru advice.

That's one of my, it's. Oh, it's a pet peeve there's a comedian there's a comedian out there where our little game is we we find those things

and just send them to each other and then talk about them like we're getting something out of them it's like do you know that thing

where like someone's trying to inspire you to work out but they really just want to show you their abs yeah you know that thing where like someone's trying to inspire you to work out, but they really just want to show you their abs? Yeah. Do you know that shit?

Oh, yeah. I'm obsessed with it. Part of the private jet with a Lamborghini and a handful of cash. What are you looking at down there? Look right into the camera. We know the camera's there. Like all of that stuff, like comed comedically i live for that shit on uh um i mean it's what it basically is is that kid um from the office who started the humblebrag who unfortunately passed

away uh harris harris twiddle is that his name yeah he was he's got one of my favorite jokes about uh mishearing people. It's such a great joke. He said he was talking to a guy, and the guy said, I'm a – oh, fuck. Fuck. Harris – do you know his name, Andrew? Yes, you had it. It's Harris Whittle.

Harris Twittle. What's his joke? What's his joke that I'm talking about? Harris Whittle? Harris Whittle. He wasiddle. What's his joke? What's his joke that I'm talking about? Harris Whittle? Harris Whittle. He was funny as shit, Bill. I got to tell you this joke because it's that good. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, someone said I'm an infomaniac.

Look, hang on. Let me get this joke. It's a good joke. I'm going to read it and you're going to be like, God. Infomaniac. I already liked it. I already liked the beginning. It's such a good joke.

God damn it. Let's see if I can find it. Someone tweeted it right when he passed. It's horrible to hear that a guy like that can get it. That's what freaks me out about drugs is that, okay, here you go. All right. One time he said to a guy, I love learning new things. I was like, I'm a little bit of an infomaniac.

And he thought I said, nymphomaniac. So he fucked me. And I said, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, I like info. And he goes, well, here's some info for you. You just got fucked.

Clean yourself up. Oh, that's a great joke. That's a great joke. Oh, I'm sorry. You were saying, what were you saying about Harris? Oh, you's a great joke. That's a great joke. I'm sorry. What were you saying about Harris? You were saying something else. Why do guys like that always die?

I don't know, man. No one said anything bad about the poor guy. Because when bad comics die and nobody notices, it just always seems like the funniest people die. Yeah. I think unfunny people die all the time. No one just gives a shit and they're just like yeah man he's passed

and then that guy passed and everyone everyone was heartbroken and I wonder if he I wonder I wonder how you get into heroin you know like seems like I don't I don't want that at all

I mean is it is it accessible to everyone that way or is there a is i can't imagine getting addicted to heroin however i can i can imagine all that that's why i never fucked with any of that stuff because i i knew uh mitch i just knew myself well enough it's just like i i can't there's a certain level of mind-altering shit I can't go into because of just, I don't know, the way I am, the shit that's happened to me. I just know I can't. Did you ever party with Geraldo? Like have drinks and stuff?

No, I didn't party with him. I had beers with him is when you partied with him was there i only remember him very passingly the very sweet guy always said hi always give me a little bit of advice with like a joke to kind of move himself forward past me a little bit you know i talked to him once pretty seriously about uh about what he was going through randomly. But was there something different about the way he partied that you saw visibly? Or was that just a little bit of a hidden secret with him? Yeah, no.

When I first found out that he was going as hard as he was going, when he started having those, you know, benders, I guess. Yeah. I was definitely, I remember like Greg? Yeah. Like Greg Giraldo. remember like Greg yeah Greg Giraldo and um so I was like wow okay uh but I I wasn't concerned because he so had his act together and he was such a smart guy and everything and he when he died he was he was the guy that made me realize that um

addiction was a disease to see someone that smart get out out get out done by the the the drug or whatever or the whatever it is i mean i i don't feel right i feel like an addict should be talking about this i don't feel right yeah i mean i an addict should be talking about this. I don't feel right. I mean, I got issues. I'm not like a fucking addict, but, um, or maybe I was just smart enough not to go down that trail, but, um, I, uh, yeah, that was the one. Cause I, I think just knowing a few addicts and I lived with one and I was just like, are these guys, are they addicts or are they just some of the most selfish fucking people I ever met in my life?

Everything was about them and all of that shit. And then, yeah, then that happened and I was like, And then, yeah, then that happened. And I was like, it's like, well, he obviously didn't want that to happen. He obviously wanted to stop. And he had all of this stuff to live for. And I feel like I'm talking bad about him. No, no, no, no. Because I wonder sometimes.

He had a beautiful wife, three beautiful kids. He was one of the best comics in the country. He had it all ahead of him and was taken out by addiction. And like, that was, yeah, that was one that, yeah, I just, I'll never forget the shock of that. It was, it was like, you know, I've had, I unfortunately had a lot of friends die and there's always the, there's that initial, like, did I just hear what you just said? And then there's, then there's like the tears.

did I just hear what you just said? And then there's, then there's like the tears. But with him, it was like, it was just, I was in shock. Yeah. I was in shock. Well, yeah, because then he hung on for a little bit and yeah, that, that's what that was. That was just utter shock and then he was gone and I remember I was angry I kind of didn't go to tears with that one I went to anger because I had a real bond with him as far as we were having very similar careers where we were road dogging and everywhere we went, you know, we would just do that. New York. I was from Boston. We just did that thing. You bring the lumber, you kick the shit out of them.

You come back two years later, same club, brand brand new act and me and him were doing it and uh and we were saying but we weren't getting anywhere it's interesting every two years we would come back and there'd be the same fucking 70 80 people maybe a little bit more and maybe had a couple more credits and both of you had sitcoms early on and then did The Road. Like that's the one interesting thing is when I forgot my Will Smith deal when I was like six months into comedy.

The two people to pull me aside and talk to me about stand-up were you and Geraldo. The two people who said anything to me about what I was going through about getting early success were you and Geraldo. And then the two people that did the road that I would be like, they're at the Hartford funny bone also were you and Geraldo. And I kind of like looked at your careers and I went,

I know both of them are funny as fuck and they're not going to be on the wrong path. So if I follow where they're going, I'll find my way somehow. And you're right. both of you had both of you call it we used to call it killing in obscurity because you go to these these these comedy clubs they were great clubs but they weren't like a chain you know if you weren't doing like you know you started with the local person then you try to move up to the funny bones and the improvs you started with the local person then you try to move up to the funny bones and the improvs or whatever and then then there was the you know there was like the punch lines and zanies that were up to me you know right there if not better than the improvs

and just because of their history how long they had been there so um, we were both and our minds kind of work the same. And what's funny, I think I've told this story before is when MTV Cribs came out, we both did a bit on it and it was ridiculous how similar it was. I think we both even said Britney Spears. I think we both said helicopter. Really? it was I think we both even said Britney Spears I think we both said helicopter really yeah I don't know what it was and I remember I was at the cellar and I did it and he was standing there you know Greg was a cool fucking dude man yeah he was a tough dude too he grew up in New York when New York was like warriors and he was like I used to fight all the time on subways coming home from

school. And what I loved about him was he was a real sweetheart, but he hated bullies. And I used to see when someone was bullying somebody, you'd see the bull, like the flame coming in his eyes and like he'd become this subway Greg. So I always respected that about him and um but anyway uh so we I he can't I get off stage and then Greg says to me he goes uh he goes oh man he goes I hate to do this and I knew he's gonna say I go what I go which joke he goes the MTV C cribs thing i'm like fuck he goes it's almost verbatim i'm like god damn it so then we'll both stand in there and we had both just i made like a cd and he just did it i don't know i don't know he done we both done stuff and we needed the joke at that moment yeah so we so we made a pact we go all right's the deal. We'll just do it on the road. Deal? Deal.

So neither one of us do it in the city. Of course, time goes on. There's a million things happening. We both forget. Yeah. So I get my half hour on Comedy Central and so does he. And we both do the bit. Shut the fuck up so then the funny thing was was mine came out first

oh and then his came out and he called me up and we were laughing our asses off because it's the early days of the internet and they were just going in on greg you thieving piece of shit you took it from that that that uh that Brian Berg I nobody knew me I was so early in my career you took it from that red-headed fucking guy and we I remember we would just we would just die and laughing and um I did a um I did a tour with him. I did this great tour that nobody went to. Just for Laughs is huge in Canada. Like if you're on the Just for Laughs tour in Canada, I mean, you're playing, you know, amphitheaters.

So they were trying to expand their brand and they crossed the Mason Dixon line of US going into the US and nobody knew Just for Laughs, nor do they crossed the Mason Dixon line of U.S. going into the U.S. and nobody knew Jesper Laffs nor do they know the comics which worked for them because Jesper Laffs was the brand up there we went there dude they've got a tour bus and dude we were playing in front of no we did the egg in Albany and I remember being so excited to do the egg i just remember like um uh um oh who was it that i saw was there uh fuck brian uh um um robert schimmel rest his soul one of my favorite comics he was i was like wow man he goes on stage he wears the suit he plays the egg like sympathies play there

you know your dreams are so little you know when you're going when you're starting out so we were playing there dude and oh my god it looked like it looked like when we played there it looked like the meeting before the show was going to happen like the staff was sitting there and you're out there okay so there's going to be a lot of people here tonight just make sure you you know but it was the crowd so but we hung out a lot and but we just he was just drinking beers then and like I I think like it wasn't like something as far as I know it wasn't something that he did for a long time and it just spun out of control really quickly.

Like he had like whatever that thing is, it just grew a head and a tail. And he kept trying to wrestle it down to the ground. I remember he had a sponsor and he got that tattoo to say that he was going to be sober and everything. And yeah, to watch a guy like that lose that fight, I remember that I had to totally, you know, I was doing, you know, I was an asshole back then too. Like 10 years ago I was really walled off. So I was just like, addiction, just stop doing it.

Stop being fucking, like I didn't know. And then that was the one, you know, so I'll tell you what, the mistake I made was I didn't go to the funeral because I had enough friends die. And then my last vision,

you know, stupid fucking Catholic church. They had the goddamn wake. So now all of my dead friends, I also, my one of my i think that the happy thought and then i picture him laying in the coffin i'm like why the fuck did they do that to me it's like i don't want to think of greg like that i'm done going to these fucking things so i didn't go and you i learned that you need to go because you have to have that closure and go through that pain. You need to do it. Because for years, I just felt I knew he was gone.

But it also felt like he was just on the road. We just kept missing each other. So I was like, all right, well, that's a life lesson I've learned a zillion times where it's just like, this is painful. I'm going to avoid it. And it's going to go away. No, it's just going to be sitting right over there fucking with your life. So, but I still miss that guy terribly. Like he, like, I think we really were good for each other, like pushed each other. It was weird because we didn't hang out that much. We hung out a lot at the cellar, but we, we had sort of this thing. I had that with Gaffigan too.

Gaffigan came to New York the same time I did. And we did this fucking improv when, when Bud Freeman's wife had it and she owned the name and it was like, it was in the back of a restaurant. She had like this pen light. When I clicked the pen light, it was just like, and it was like, yeah, me, Greg, and Jim Gaffigan had this thing where everyone was saying like, man, you guys got really great jokes. You guys are really, man, you're one of the funniest guys I've seen.

You've done this and blah, blah, blah. But we weren't seeing results. And then there was all these like, I'm the guy who wears this silly hat all the time and I say you know I say my catchphrase they were just blowing past us so I you know we talked a lot through the years to keep us on the road of like no no no this is gonna pay off and then I had that classic thing where Dave Chappelle, you know, I didn't know he was watching my set, thank God I would have bombed him

at that point in my career. And he got off stage and he said that thing, I never forgot it. He said, he goes like, man, he goes, your angle is so fucking dope. I'll never forget that. Then he goes, he said,

it's gonna, but it's gonna take you longer to get there, but when you do, you're gonna hit really hard. And dude, I fucking hung on to that. I hung on to that. God.

Where were you? Were you at the cellar? Yep, he was on the cellar and he was sitting on the stairs. And it was like 03, 04 maybe. No, maybe I think it was before that. It was before that.

It was before that because I hadn't even done the Chappelle show, which is where I really got to know him. And that was 2004 was when you did Chappelle. It was before that. It was like 03. Georgia, my oldest, three Georgia, Georgia. My oldest was born in 2004. And I remember watching Chappelle show when she was a baby.

Chappelle show and tough crowd was what I did every. Okay. But we taped, we taped it in oh three. So it was probably, it was probably like, oh one world. You know what?

I just weird. I have this weird thing where I can just remember like world Trade Centers were still up because it wasn't that New York. There's pre-Giuliani, there's Giuliani New York. And then post-9-11. There's post-9-11, and then there's woke New York, as far as my experience being my time in New York, as far as my experience being, you know, my time in New York. I mean, I wasn't there pre Giuliani, but like I got there. Giuliani got in in 94 and I got there in 95.

I think that's how it went. And then like a couple of years in, I'll never forget when they brought that giant Winnebago police truck and just parked it in washington square park and they were just there yeah harassing and annoying all of those people that used to harass and annoy us all the drug dealers and the shifty people and all of that and smoke smoke pushed them all out and then years later, Rick Moranis gets sucker punched. That's what happens. Perfect full circle, Bill. Perfect full circle.

Perfect full circle. Well, did I have to – Leanne's been texting me nonstop while I've been in this podcast. Did you get her gift basket? No, I'm going to get it today. Okay. I'm going to get it today okay i'm going to get it today she came up with gift bags for everyone and uh they're pretty fucking great you're gonna love the snacks in there and uh oh dude by the way i saw um i saw your uh your uh uh the the that great billboard. It's on the La Brea and Hollywood Boulevard. I was driving by.

I just saw you shirtless with a cigar. Oh, yeah, in the hot tub. As I was turning, I'm like, Bert! Oh, yeah, that's right. Andrew, we should probably do a read at the very beginning of this podcast and let everyone know my series, The Cabin, is streaming right now on Netflix. It's got a good buzz, dude.

I keep hearing about it. Yeah, it's good. I think people like it. I think the one thing that's positive about it is it is just comics on there being fucking hilarious. It's Donnell, Joey Diaz, Bobby Lee, Tom Segura.

Fortune's on there, right? Fortune's on there. It's just comics. Nikki Glaser, Anthony Anderson, Dion Cole, Big Jay Oakerson. And it's just comics being fucking, Miss Pat being fucking hilarious. That's all it is. And so I think people love it or like it. Let me rephrase that.

I think people like it because it's just like the same way they like podcasts. It's just comics being themselves. So, yeah, it's been – I'm really happy Netflix – I'm happy Netflix is happy, I think. And, you know, that's it. Good deal. Yeah. Good deal.

I think you're in it. I think you're in it. Yeah. Yeah, you're in it. I was trying to remember. I did something in that. I know I did. Yeah, you and Gabe kind of helped me clean it up at the end

if we're doing Secret Time. We had some loose ends post-COVID, and we needed some people to kind of connect tissue. So we got you, Gabe, my daughters, my wife. I mean, everyone. My dad, Caitlyn Jenner. Caitlyn Jenner came on? Caitlyn Jenner's in the show, yeah.

Wow. Yeah, it was pretty uh so it's i'm really glad you never know you know i'm sure you feel like this with the f is for family but you you put a lot of work in it but you don't put as much work as you do into your stand-up but you notice that everyone else is putting as much work in their jobs as you would your stand-up. And so in a weird way, you're like, God damn it, man, I hope this goes well so that everyone feels good about it.

But clearly you're not like, I'm sure you would say this, but when you do F is for Family, it's not just you that's doing it. So for you to take credit for F is for Family being great, you're like, well, there's a lot of people that go into it yeah there's a zillion people over there yeah but i work my ass off on that thing for the first like three seasons to get it going yeah and then like last season you know at that point i was a dad and now i got two kids and it's just like my time I have to compartmentalize it so we sort of

developed a new way of me working with the scripts and the sports and then you got COVID and all that stuff so yeah um I feel that way about this is that I put I put and it's my entire January this this year was spent just going to this cabin every day, going to this cabin and shooting. And I think that there were weird hiccups that happened that made me put a lot of energy into it. So I want it to do well and I want people to like it. And I want it to be received well.

I want everyone to enjoy it. But at the same time i feel like you know i see the post from the fucking stylist to the hairdresser hairstylist and the stylist like i see like the people that worked on it on instagram i see them posting and they're really proud of it you're like oh fuck yeah you forget they busted their ass just as hard as i busted my ass like so i don't know i want everyone. No, their job is harder because they don't get, they don't get, you get the applause, you get the billboard.

Yeah. All that stuff. So that's why, that's why you can, you can't be a jerk on these things. I don't understand why people do that. All right. Well, it's a good place to wrap up. So happy for you with The Cabin.

Thank you. Streaming now on Netflix. Congrats, Bill. An amazing, amazing weekend. It was. I enjoyed the hell out of it and hearing that comedians liked it and that it was...

I don't know. I still can't believe it happened. My head is still spinning. I'm psyched and now I just feel like I can just kind of cruise right season five or punch up season five the writers are doing it and then uh you know then it's Christmas I got a pumpkin today I'm gonna make some pumpkin pie a pumpkin bread something for Halloween oh well I am back out on the road I taped a bunch of football I'm halfway through uh the Chargers Saints I know what happens football. I'm halfway through the Chargers-Saints.

I know what happens, but like I watched the Buffalo Bill game yesterday. What I do is on Sunday, I watch like two games as much as I can and then I tape like another four because then I got the Monday night game

and then I got Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I can watch an NFL game. Saturday, I have college football and then it starts over again. It's fucking great. God. Well, I head back on the road tomorrow.

I'm going back out to Texas. And then through St. Louis, Cleveland, Illinois. Texas, you don't say. You don't say. I was talking to somebody about doing some more dates. Texas, you don't say. You don't say. I was talking to somebody about doing some more dates, and that state may or may not have come up. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, they got some great venues, man. Well, I just burned a bunch of material. Even as much as it was seven minutes, those were some big chunks. Yeah. It's funny because that white woman thing went on way longer, and I said a lot more crazier shit, but it had way more impact than if I did it. If I did it on a special, people that knew me would have saw it, would have liked it, but I don't think that I would have got all that other stuff.

So I'm kind of good with it. So let's wrap this up because I got the kiddos here. All right. That's it, everybody. Thank you for enjoying another wonderful episode of the Bill. Bert. Podcast. Sorry, pod.

Cast, cast, cast. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Watch the cabin. you