The Bill Bert Podcast - The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 35 w. Nate Bargatze

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

Bill and Bert prattle with Nate Bargatze about drive-in gigs, the middle of the country, and golf.

Hey, what's up, everybody? It's time for another wonderful episode of The Bill. Bert. Pod. Cast. What's going on? We have an amazing guest here today, one of the best comics I've seen come along in a long time,

and I already can tell the boy is shifting. He doesn't like compliments. He's just an amazing joke writer, performer. He has a podcast called Nateland. And also, I believe, a live date coming up. Please welcome to the podcast, Nate Bargatze, everybody. Thank you. Thank you.

You know, it's funny. I remember being with you at, do you remember that bar that was right a little bit, a couple blocks up from Broadway Comedy Club? They would always do crazy shots where you put, they put fire and shots. a little bit, a couple blocks up from Broadway Comedy Club, that they would always do crazy shots where you put, they put fire in shots. It was known for all the shots that they had.

I must have been hammered. It was me, you, and Rosa, and a bartender Oh, there you go. Yeah, that would do it. There goes the brain cells on that. The bartender's like, oh, we're such big fans of you, my boyfriends. And you're like, all right, you like that.

You're like, oh, I appreciate it. And she's like, all right, well, you don't have to be rude about it. You're like, I would rather you tell me I'm the worst. I at least have something to go with. Just being told how great I am. Now I feel bad. I fucking ruined. I killed herself. She did. It's all my fault. Hope I feel bad. I fucking ruined. I don't know. I ruined those moments. She killed herself.

She did. It's all my fault. Hope you enjoy it. Well, thank you, Nate. I thought you were going to bring up, me and Nate have gone to a number of NASCAR events, Daytona 500, Talladega. I just went to Kansas City this weekend. Oh, you did.

Yeah, we had a great time. NASCAR's in like this weird place because their fan base got decimated in 2008 by those fucking banker cunts that never went to jail. And that really, really hurt the sport where people – it was a combination of that and then I think they didn't have the Dale Earnhardt person that everybody loved and then the Jeff Gordon guy they hate. They kind of ran out. It's like wrestling. You got to have your heroes and your villains like any sport.

Wait, what do you mean they got decimated by bankers? Well, Bert, in 2008, I don't know if you realize, our entire economy collapsed. But how did that affect NASCAR? Because it's working class people and everybody ended up upside down in their house and you had a house that was overvalued deliberately by these fucking assholes and who then also made a bunch of people who shouldn't have been qualified qualified to bid on the house which drove up the prices i know i know but how did that affect NASCAR? Well, they're fans, Bert.

I mean, hold on. That's like saying the 2008 crisis affected the NFL. It didn't affect NASCAR, did it? They're fans, I think, being that. That's the most broad fucking statement I've ever heard, Bill. Hang on.

That's like saying the lingerie... No, Bill. Hang on, that's like saying the lingerie... The economy collapsed, Bert. No, no, I know, but I heard... I'm sorry, I misheard that. I thought you said NASCAR was affected specifically

by the collapse of the economy. I mean, I was thinking everything was... The guy from NASCAR told me that it really killed them. Oh, for real? Yes. So I'm just the messenger here, bro. Geez, you're on your fucking toes this week.

I think if you were on like the bubble, living paycheck to paycheck, you know, you're fucked. And NASCAR is also mostly in the southern states. And I don't think they ever recovered in a lot of ways after losing the war, how bad the North was mad and fucked them over and all that type of shit. Like, I mean, I'm going back a while, but, you know, my family, we moved down there for a minute and we were all getting like C's in school. And we went down there and all of a sudden everyone was getting A's and B's.

I mean, they were like 18 months behind. My brother was a sophomore in high school. He was like adding fractions. So, I mean, it's a really dumb thing that the country did to itself. And they sort of kept that divide. And they, you know know so i feel like those people if somebody's going to get hurt kind of get hurt first whereas a lot of the nfl cities philly new york boston san francisco their money's in like sort of different areas where you can sort of survive i see what you're saying that type of stuff jaws 2 just came out on theaters down here in the South. Oh, for real?

Yeah. I don't know if y'all knew there was a second one. We didn't see it coming. They considered it a comedy. They considered it a comedy down there because no one had a gun on the boat to just shoot the fucking shark. Yeah. By the way, 2008 was one of my biggest years of comedy so always it was a

special place in my heart uh there's no money that's like the first year i did conan was 2008 uh but it was you mentioned what nascar race when i just went so i was there last uh or sunday kansas city speedway uh everybody wearing masks i'm tired uh yes because i'm tired of everybody yelling at the middle of the country that no one's wearing their mask everybody had their mask off everybody in that race had their mask now it was 38 degrees so that helped but it did also you had the president had to fucking catch it yeah well i don't know maybe maybe i'm immune that's my favorite thing ever doing this with his hands you know that thing i just caught maybe i am immune to it dude i stick up for red states all the fucking time but i i don't do it to a fault i don't do it to a fault

if you're fucking riding around you know like in the middle of nowhere you don't have a mask on that's one thing but these these gatherings you know we saw it out here with like the black lives matter those marches there would be like a spike you just there's nothing you just gotta wear it kind of seems really hard to catch it you just have a fucking mask on and stand six feet away from people and stand on the thing they painted on the floor for you. People just can't do it. They got it under their, my favorite guy's the guy who like, when he goes to talk to you, where are you going to be? And he leans in. No, dude, like the scientists are the only way we're getting out of this. It doesn't make a difference,

Democrat or Republican. People are too fucking stupid or too between their own ears or just too arrogant and just have no empathy. You can't get everybody on the same fucking page. It's going to take a vaccine. That's what it is.

That's my call. That's my prediction. I'm sticking with it. I was in Prescott, Arizona, and I was making a joke about going back to normal. i something where i was like it's so crazy i got to do this and it was like i was going back to normal and someone in the crowd goes we've been acting like it's normal the whole time the virus isn't real and i was like oh you guys don't believe in the virus

and the place went fucking bananas and And I was like, wow. No, and just not to shit on red sticks, I was out here in California, big blue state, right? I did a show on Seal Beach, tried to do one. And the lady showed up running the thing, had no mask on. Bless her heart, as you guys say. And she goes, oh, do you live – I go, where's your mask? She goes, oh, you're from L.A.? mask she goes oh you from la she goes no we're

down by the beach we have the breeze you'll see it's different like i guess the virus chills out down there and just sort of surfs on the breeze um and that's literally you know no traffic i can get to that place in 12 minutes from my house so i, I mean, you know, I don't know. It is what it is. Is your daughter back in school, Nate? Yeah, we never stopped. This is the first I'm hearing about COVID. So, this is – no, she had two weeks where they did virtual learning. And then – because you have to be under a certain percentage.

But then they so they two weeks were just like some people dude this little girl came to uh because they they would do different pods there's five little girls because you kind of quarantine with like some girls in the neighborhood my daughter's eight so all these little third graders and they come to different houses so the one girl comes to our house and it was tough because they're all some of them got different teachers so the moms it's kind of hard to keep them all paid attention i get home and just i golfed like during the day and so i get home and this little girl that's there i don't even know this girl why would i get home she goes where have you been all day i was like who

are you where have you been all day that this little girl're like, whoever this lady marries, I mean, that guy is in for it. I just want to see it. She asked me, I'm 41. She's eight. To walk out of my house and go, where have you been all day? It's insanity. Do you think she's repeating what she hears her mom say to her dad? I mean, possibly. I've met both the parents. I don't want to get you in trouble here. I just realized you're talking about people who could actually watch this.

And I'm suggesting that they're raising a little nag. No, no. Yeah. Yeah, well, yes, it could be. Maybe she does see this. Look, she's not being crazy. I think they know. She just speaks her mind. I think when you have a kid that does that, you could be. Maybe she does see this. Look, she's not being crazy. I think they know. She just speaks her mind.

I think when you have a kid that does that, you know her. Have you noticed people who have, like, cunty children, they try to say they're precocious? Yeah, I'm not even sure. That person's so precocious. It's like, no, your kid's an asshole because you just keep gassing the thing up that everything they do is so interesting. It's annoying the shit out of me. Get it away from me.

We hung out with a guy, a family, who had a very highly autistic daughter, and she would say exactly what she saw, and we're sitting out by the pool, and she goes, he drinks a lot of beers. And I was like, oh, fuck fuck this is going to be a rough one he's got a big belly why is he so fat

and they're like you know it's her whatever it is she's very candid she's very candid and the whole time she just decimated me didn't pick out anyone it wasn't like well your wife looks a little older than she should look. Huh, Bert?

You know, none of that. Just going after me. Just going after me. You know, well, Bert, you got that star power, man. The wattage drew her there. You know, after that description, I feel like Patrice might have been highly autistic. Patrice was definitely autistic.

You think that girl went to bed that night and was like, that was a long night. That was a big, like she went on you so long that she's like, she put herself to bed that night. She goes, I got to, that was too much. So two nights ago on the bus, we're in St. Louis right now, and we're on the bus. It's me, Jesus, Shane Jesus Shane Dave Williamson my cousin Andrew

and uh and my guy my another cameraman John Manns and this guy John Manns that we tour with cannot let shit go like he like we have an opportunity to go on kayaks and he's like early in the morning you guys want to go on kayaks no one's going kayaks and he brings up so much that I said man I think you might be autistic so he goes he goes I so much that I said, man, I think you might be autistic. So he goes, he goes, I don't think I am. And we're like, no, no, no. And so we get drunk and we go, you know what? Let's take an autism test online, right? So we all take this test.

It's like a 50 question test to find out if we're autistic. And we all get our numbers. Anything over a 22 is autistic, right? I'm at like an 18 dave williams is a four he's like he's the least on the spectrum and like if we go through and jesus goes i got a 42 and we're like holy shit he's like wait am i autistic and we're like uh this backfired we didn't mean for you because i know i'm a little different, but wait, I'm autistic. Dude, you know what that reminded me of? One time I had a listener write in and he wrote like,

how does it feel to have mild Asperger's? It was like, it was the epitome of the arrogance of the internet. Like this guy had no medical background whatsoever. And the fact that I couldn't remember yesterday, but remember like football players from the 1970s. I forget if he diagnosed me as having Asperger or, or, or,

um, whatever the fuck you did. I lost autism. It's just like, I don't know. I, I kind of would like through this whole fucking year and everything that's been going on,

I have just sort of pulled away from the news and social media. Like I probably should get a little more in touch with what's going on out there, but I just kind of watching this virus get politicized. That if you wear a mask, you're a snowflake. If you don't wear a mask, then, you know, you're a dumb Trumpster. Like just like, Oh, sorry. No,ster. It's just like, oh, sorry. No, no, not, you know. I'm sorry.

I'm just saying, just watch how a virus, how it went down that fucking road when we're screaming at each other. Andrew, that guy who wrote in really pissed me off only because I knew he was right. He's like, why do you guys listen to all your government's propaganda? Why are you guys all sitting there screaming,

yelling at you? And I just got all defensive, like, what, as opposed to your country that he wrote in like last week and you read it on sunday when you recorded and then on the news yesterday was they were talking about the failed coup in bolivia and how they reinstituted morales yeah it it was actually very timely oh was he from bolivia you know know, that was my guess was South America. That just seems to be the reason. I thought it was a Russian bot when I got halfway through, which I don't even know what that is.

But anyway, Nate, so you're a good old boy, right? You're from the Black Hills of Kentucky. No, you're from Tennessee? Mm-hmm. Tennessee. Nashville. What was it like going to New York as a Southern man with a high intellect

like yourself and then having to listen to so many mouth-breathing morons that live in New York who basically think that they are somehow amazing just simply because they were born

there. And then meanwhile, guys like you, who are supposed to be these hicks, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you come to their city and with ease get in with the clubs and just destroy. Yeah. It's, you know, at the beginning when I first moved, at the beginning I was so new. I mean, the beginning was, I would say, I saw you.

I was at Boston Comedy Club, and your first letterman, I was barking on a corner when you did your first letterman. Because I barked to you, and I felt terrible. And I go, I'm sorry, man. And you're like, all right, it's fine. That still happens to me. Yeah. That still happens to me.

I know, didn't you? You told the story with LOL, which is my favorite. I went to the LOL comedy club and they had no idea who I was. And I was trying to do a spot. It was last year when I was doing Pete's movie. I was trying to do a spot and I

literally had to start saying my credits. And I'd like to get some time and they were just like all right well i bet they use your name in time square i think that people go just say bill burr's on the show because they would always lie about seinfeld dang cook they say all these names so now they're going to say they're in time square going bill we got bill burr on the show and everybody's like oh wow and they go up there and bill burr never comes and now bill burr actually does come to the show yeah and they go ah you know they go no

oh oh i barked i barked i barked george carlin oh really yeah george carlin was walking down the street and i knew it was him he was with uh i think jimmy miller maybe like one of the millers and i didn't know the miller but I knew it was George Carlin. And he was coming to see Karen Berggrin. He was a big fan of Karen Berggrin's. And he was walking down the street and I said, hey man, we got a great comedy show. You like comedy?

And he started laughing. He goes, I love comedy. I said, what kind of comedy you into? And he said, I like Karen Berggrin. And I went, she's going to be on the show tonight. I said, I can get you a discount. And he said, yeah. And I said, hey, have you ever thought about trying stand-up?

And then he just started laughing. And I was like, it's a pleasure to meet you or whatever. And he hung outside the Boston and shot the ship for a while. That kills me. I never met him. Yeah. I never met him or Pryor. Never met Pryor.

I never met Pryor. I watched a documentary on Pryor. I could have met Pryor, but I was hanging with Patrice. He's like, I don't want to go in there and see him like that. And I was such a tagline. I was like, I guess I don't either. So I didn't. I'm like, no, I would have.

I wouldn't have looked at him any differently. I would feel bad that he was like that, but I would have talked to him because his mind was still there. My worst bark, Nate, my worst bark, you'll appreciate this. Because I barked at the Boston Comedy Club too. Puerto Rican couple. Hey, you guys want to come see comedy? And they're like, yeah, how was it in?

And I said, well, actually, you know what? Ma'am, you may not, it may not be good for you. I'm sorry, I apologize. She said, why not? And I said, well well they're smoking in there she goes and and i said well you're pregnant and the puerto rican guy goes oh shit bro you stepped in it today she goes i'm not pregnant and i was like oh fuck oh no yeah so you started barking at the Boston, Nate? Keep going. I started barking at the Boston.

Baby at the zoo. The babies. When's the baby due? Yeah, the panda. That's all I'm really trying to say. Sorry. I started barking at, yeah, at Boston. I saw, Chappelle used to always come there. So it was like, I moved to New York in 2004. And I was, I barked there at the end of 04 and 05. Chappelle's show was on. And he would always come up and, you know, pop in. And there'd be eight people in the crowd at Boston. I performed for one guy once at the Boston.

It was just brutal. And it ran all night. And I remember trying to get someone to go see Chappelle. I said, hey, Dave, Chappelle's on stage. Y'all can just go watch for free. And they go, we. And I remember trying to get someone to go see Chappelle. I said, hey, Dave Chappelle's on stage. Y'all can just go watch for free. And they go, we don't believe you. And I remember I was like, why would I be making this up? You know, Boston had those three steps.

And you could look in the door, the window. They go, just go look. If he's not there, then leave. And they go, no. And then they left. And they kind of wanted to watch it. It wasn't like they're like i don't care about comedy they would have loved to seen dave chappelle but they just i

guess thought i was tricking them uh so but my big thing when i barked nate was uh i ended up getting a timeout new york article written about me because of it i would grab nyu kids and i'd be like hey we got comedy up there and they're like uh and i go and we don't id and they're like okay so i just shovel in all these underage kids in there they'd fucking get liquored up and then they'd sneak them bound through the back into the baguette i'd walk them down the back stairs into the baguette and they'd we'd party there all night they're all like fucking 1920 they were like, this guy's great. So they word spread at the dorms that they could drink at the Boston comedy club. So my first probably six months of work in the door, I am loading the fucking place up, loading it up and timeout New York's like, what's the story on this

party animal kid? He's, he's like, they want they'd come and see the show and i basically he goes write an article about me and he's like i mean these kids love you and he thought i was hilarious i was like oh no no i just don't id them and he was like what i was like yeah they're they're not like fans of mine i just don't id anybody at that point you just gotta go with i don't know man i just think know, I got this relatable thing. I remind them of their uncle that they can trust. Yeah. Do you know that the Boston Comedy Club now is a wine bar?

Yeah. And I went in there one day. For some reason, I was down there during the day. And the village looks, that whole block looks so weird to me during the day. Yeah. At night, it was this big, ominous, like magical place. And then during At night, it's just was this big on ominous, like magical place. And then during the day, it's just like, whatever, right? So I was just having to be walking by. I was like, you know what, I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna pop in here to see

what this place looks like. It's still the same shaped room. And I walked in, the person asked if I wanted to be sat down. And I was like, no, no, I used to work here a long time ago. This was a comedy club. And the kid was like, really? I go, yeah. I go, the stage is right there. He goes, anybody famous ever go? I'm like, Dave Chappelle probably did 9,000 hours of comedy.

Right. I named all the names. And he had no fucking idea. And I was just like, wow, I am old, man. I'm literally the old guy going, ah, when I was a kid, you could go.

You know what I almost did though? Oh, so my last Netflix special, they said, um, where do you want to shoot it? And then, and they said,

they said, dream scenario, dream scenario. And I said, you know what I want? I want to go back and I want to find the last stop in Houston. It's just a restaurant now. The space is still the same.

I want to rent it out and I want to recreate the last stop. I want to rebuild the last stop stage, set it up like it was and do a series of specials there. Like bring in comics who would love to do a lot, like everyone, like a tell

all the people that work there. I was like, that would be bad-ass, but it's way more expensive than I thought it would be. Yeah. That's the one that Hicks and Finneason and all those guys came out of. Right. Yeah.

It was a great fucking room. Do you like specials in comedy clubs though? I was, I mean, I get the idea of like doing that, but I like a special that looks like a special. I like a special in a theater i and joe coy told me um he was joe coy was like very adamant that i did my last special he's like

you should be doing a big fucking theater like big big big theater and i was like no i like the thousand seats i think that's the perfect size theater for a special. Then I did it, and I was like, yeah, I'm glad I did it because I ended up doing, I think, four shows. I recorded four shows instead of just two, which is I'll never do anything different. Yeah. Bill, where did you do yours in London, right? Yeah.

Where? Royal Albert Hall. Oh, that's right. Fuck. Wait, where did you do yours, Nate? I did mine in Atlanta. I'm doing one next week. What?

No, we did it outside. It's the arena. There's an arena and a theater next to each other. It's like 30 minutes outside of Atlanta. I don't know why I'm blanking on the name. Ron White did his special there too. And it's, but I forgot my shoes the night we taped and had to get a cab to just bring

shoes out there. Like 30 minutes. I told you someday when we hang out, I'll tell you all the wardrobe shit about all of my specials. Wait, why not tell it now? Cause I don't need people then fucking acting like they didn't listen to it

and then they noticed this, I noticed that, and da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Dude, I just, yeah. There's always... Because I fucking hate shopping for clothes. Oh. I don't give a fuck what I look like. And then there's my wife who wants

no you should do this x y and z and then there's always that and then somehow something I forget something or I add something or I wear the wrong thing I'm trying to think of a special where I actually wore what I thought I was going to wear I can't think of one

I'll tell you what in the last special I did I'm very specific to saying, please watch that my necklace is in the center of my chest, not like up stuck on my shoulder, that my belt is in the center, and that's all that really matters, right? Because for a special, that's all I really care about. We go to look at the taping.

The first show was horrible. I had a horrible first show. Second show was phenomenal. Huge mustard stain on my jeans. to look at the taping the first show is was horrible i had a horrible first show second show was phenomenal huge mustard stain on my jeans like i must have had a hot dog and just spilled mustard on my jeans and no one fucking caught it huge mustard stain couldn't use the second show we can use it doesn't that that's i mean who's you you're out there without a shirt on. Of course you've got mustard on your pants. Did you see T.J. Miller's? T.J. Miller pours water on himself,

and it keeps going from not much water to a lot of water on his shirt. And then it's like back to not much water, and then it's like his whole thing, his whole body's wet. His continuity was insane. I was tracking that going like going like oh they definitely shot two shows and I don't think that outfit they brought one outfit yeah yeah so wait you're shooting a special next week I am yeah well let me tell you my Comedy Central special I have a my hair they didn't have a hair person like I've learned like so they had a makeup person so I go

is there something to do with my hair and they didn't and so And so the makeup girl's like, I'll just do it. And we had to get like a can of hairspray from, I think, someone in the audience. And so the first half or one set, like my hair was like kind of down to the left. Like there's just a spot that goes to the left. And then the next one, there's no spot. And some people have noticed, but you can definitely, it's something that if you watch, you can be like, oh, this was the first show and then the second show,

and it just goes back and forth. My Comedy Central. I'll tell you something then. I'll tell you something. Oh, yeah, go, go, go. The one in Nashville, I never got my pants hemmed because my wife was like frigging nine months pregnant, and she would have caught it, and I never noticed.

I wore the exact same pants two specials in a row. We had one where the AC was busted. So we had to pay to get it fixed, meaning me. And then the guy was so afraid it was going to break again that he barely turned it on. It had like HD makeup on. The whole first one we couldn't use. Really? Because I was like

glistening and I didn't want to. I had a white towel and if I went like that all that makeup was going to be on it. So that one we only used. It ended up being fine. We just used the second show. My last special I wore the wrong black pants. They were more fitted, and these were more baggy from like 10 years ago.

And I just, you know, black pants are like black pants. I didn't even notice until we were editing. I was like, oh, those are the wrong ones. Because every single special. I don't think I ever went out. My first Comedy Central special, I had a gray shirt, and I started sweating. And you can see a little spot, and it just grows throughout the special.

There's a sweat, and then it's soaking, and then I'm drenched. That's the weirdest thing about koi you don't want to see a comedian sweating but a rock star can be like angus young with it's just raining off his forearm and everybody's just like he's giving it his all man no one's going look at angus he must be really nervous no black comics can sweat black comic Pryor, soaking wet on the Sunset Strip, right? Soaking wet. Red outfit. Cat Williams, soaking fucking wet.

Soaking wet. Cat Williams so wet, his hair turns different styles. I haven't seen it. Cat Williams murders. I do remember one time Martin Lawrence wore like this leather poncho that I think ended up being way hotter. I mean,

that's just not going to breathe. And he was just covered in that thing. And I do remember, but he also did like 90 minutes that he was like, he was pretty glistening by the end of it. I don't know. So where are you doing your special next week, Nate?

LA. I'm coming out. So I'm going to – I was in St. Louis. You're at the same place I was just at, Belleville or something like that. I have no idea. My opener left is Windbreaker Jacket in Indianapolis. If you haven't been there, see if you see a Windbreaker Jacket. I told them I would ask you.

I go, ah, it's Bert. You might have already been to Indy. I've been to Indy. Oh, never mind. So we're going to go. This weekend I do Dallas, Austin, and Houston. I was just there. I was just at all those.

What city did you start out in? Comedy? I moved to Chicago first. So I was in Chicago with Pete Holmes and Hannibal and Kumail Nanjiani. You didn't work at Zany's, that great Zany's downtown? First club I ever hosted was that Zany's. They had a piano on stage. Jim David, is that his name?

He headlined and I hosted. And he played the piano. I remember that. Is that place still around with colin okay because i you know dangerfield's just closed yeah well yes so day i mean dangerfield's i i never i've never seen dangerfield's packed every time i've gone in there it's it's been a small it's been a small they've been social distinctions for quite a while and they when we when we were coming up Norton was the first guy from our class to go in there and everybody was making fun of him I remember Patrice said where'd you come from he goes Dangerfield he goes there who'd you go

on after Ruth who'd you have to follow? Ruth Buzzy? By the way, this is my memory. One of Bill's worst tackles happened at Dangerous Fields. Huh? One of Bill Burr's worst tackles happened at Dangerous Fields. Oh, yeah. If it's red and it's – what did he say? Oh, these super angry guys.

Just like – you could tell if you looked at them, there was going to be a fight. And they were just like, they were super, like I was actually afraid on stage, going, what the fuck? And they just wouldn't stop talking. They're interrupting the show. My brain is going,

don't say anything to them. Please don't. And I finally looked over and I finally was just like, hey guys, what's going on stage know what's going on over there what's trying to do a show up here on stage what's going on with you guys and this guy just goes he goes anything reddened on stage is a faggot and which is like what do we what do we in second grade yeah like anybody with a blue shirt has the cooties that's literally was and he said it was such anger that I knew if there was a follow-up

question they were going to be up on the stage and I had already been chased around the stage by a woman one time I remember picking up the mic stand and holding it in front of me going lady you can't do this you can't do this and and i'm doing i tell you it was like a 25 30 second thing and nobody moved she finally just i think got tired of chasing me and she sat she sat down right so i he said that and then I couldn't say anything because I didn't want to escalate it. And I just went right back to my shit, and I had to walk past. I think I had to walk within the back. It all sort of blurred together.

It was such an amazing club, though, because you could do a half hour during the week. And there was so many New York comics that I thought made that mistake of I'm just staying in the city until I get a fucking deal. So they all had 20 minutes of material. And then if they had to go do a road gig, they were struggling. So I wanted to make sure that I was at least doing a half hour of my act. But when I had to go out back in the old days, you had to do 45 minutes to close. I wanted to make sure that that half hour I was going to get him. And I could also switch out the half hour that I did. So I could essentially do

my whole act during the week. So I hit the ground running on the weekend. And it was an incredible club for that. And once Norton went in, then I went in, Pete Correale went in, then Sherrod. And then for a moment there in the 2000s, they really had this young sort of group. Rob Magnotti was going in there and in the place was, was really filled. It was always a little rough during the week, but on the weekends it was fucking packed. And, um, you know, Nancy Redmond hosting and stuff. I was really super, super sad when that thing, my dad saw me in that club, eat my fucking balls on a weekend. I felt bad for him

because that's the first time he ever really saw me legit bomb. And I had to tell him, I was just like, I had to make, I was like, listen, don't feel bad for me. Like dad, that's happened to me thousands of times.

That club is fucked up. And I was a little bit off. But, you know, this is just part. I remember he was like, was sort of fascinated with the fact that that is, not only is that a part of the job, but you can stand in front of a room full of people, feel them not like you for 20 straight minutes, and leave the club and still be in a fairly decent mood. You go do another show.

Huh? You go do another show where it's just like, you know, I'm in at that club. They know I can kill. It just wasn't, oh man, I saw some of the great ones. The great fucking heckles. The Frank Santarelli one. Frank santarelli played the bartender in the butter bing on the sopranos yeah there was this fucking club this crowd one night and when i tell you they were just laying there just sitting there it was so it was a hot summer day they weren't moving weren't engaging. They weren't looking at you. They

weren't looking away. They were just there. And I went up and fucking ate my balls or whatever. I think I was waiting to go. I bombed too, but Frank went up there. He's like 10 years older than me at the time. It was a super young, super young crowd. I was like 35. So he must've been 45 and he's just bombing, bombing, bombing. Then his last ditch effort to try and get people to listen to him.

He goes, hey, you guys like the Sopranos? Huh? You watch the Sopranos? People sort of, and he goes, you know, I play so-and-so.

He goes, I'm at the Butter Bing. He goes, he goes, Tony, Tony Soprano beats the shit out of me every week. This guy in the back goes,

he should have killed you. And it was the timing was perfect. His level, how quiet he could say it. You could still hear it because of this dead ass crowd. I remember Frank got off stage. He's one of the funniest guys I've ever met. Just walked by, never even looked at me, just walked by going like, wow. And I wanted to laugh, but I had to go on after him, dude. And I think I aided even more than that. But I don't want to make it out to be that, but that's also the club. The first time I saw Sam Kinison, the first time I saw Andrew Dice Clay.

I mean, that place made stars. And Dice Clay, The Day the Laughter Died, one of the most underrated double comedy albums ever. Johnny Carson used to go there and drink when The Tonight Show was in New York City. And Tony, who ran the place. You saw Sam Kinison, like, there? Huh? You saw Sam Kinison there?

You were there enough? No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying that stuff happened. That stuff all happened, you know, mid-'80s before I even started. But Tony, who ran the place, told this amazing story of Johnny just being a mean drunk one night. So they got his limo out front on First Avenue, and he lived like down First Avenue. So First Avenue runs uptown.

He lived downtown. So he was hammered, and he was in a surly mood and didn't want to get in his car, and he was just going down the street. Yeah, I know. It's the shit you could do. It's famous as him, and there was no video of it back in the day. Just pushing people going down the street. Yeah, no way. Just the shit you could do. As famous as him, and there was no video of it back in the day.

Just pushing people out of the way as they were slowly backing his limo down the street with the door open. Come on, Johnny. Mr. Carson, why don't you get out? And I fuck away. Just pushing people out of the way like a crazy homeless guy.

So they had like a million stories of all of these people who were not comedians that were up on that stage, because it was also kind of like a supper club, like musicians and personalities and all kinds of stuff. And he'd be like, yeah, sat right there and played that piano, piano, you lean on everything was sort of a working museum. So I think they're going to open it up again someplace else. I just I'm not sure how much of So I think they're going to open it up again someplace else. I just, I'm not sure how much of the decor that they're going to keep, but like, I don't know.

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like free money on top of their deposit? That's promo code BillBert to claim your bonus at MyBookie. Quote Bill Bart to claim your bonus at my bookie. Nate, Nate, I told a joke the other night on stage, and Shane Torres goes, that's a Nate Bargatze joke. And I went, what do you mean? And he goes, if Nate had that joke, he'd kill with it. And I had a rough time with the joke. So tell me how to tell it, okay? I hope it's so dumb.

I hope you're like, all right i i hold keys up and i said something real simple you're like all right burn out what do you think my comedy is so i'm fucking this child right oh no no i wouldn't say the f word but i'd still keep the rest the same. Go ahead. No, so our yard guy cut down a tree in our backyard that was dead, and now you can see a Jack in the Box sign if you're standing in our backyard, or more importantly, if you're in our pool. I said to him, I go, why did you cut the tree down? He goes, it was dead.

I was like, yeah, but now I can see the Jack in the Box sign, and the tree blocked it. And he's like, you don't like Jack in the box. And I'm like, I love Jack in the box. He's like, well, then what's the problem with seeing the sign? And I was like, I don't want to see a Jack in the box sign in my backyard. And he looks, he goes, I can't see it. I said, well, no, when I'm in my pool, I definitely see the Jack in the box sign. And he's like, well, I've never been in your pool I was like none of this matters right like and I it was a funny conversation we had on the bus I tried it on stage and Shane goes nah that's a

Nate Bargatze joke you can't do that like that and I went what is that it's like when you write a joke how do you go about how do you go about writing a joke do you like where do you see your strong suit in writing a joke like when you you go oh this was right into me uh yeah that one's a tough one uh for the record i wanted to laugh that guy

is funny the way i thought you would let him get in your pool like i would have i would have put it's like the idea of his perspective of like what if he does get your point you go well then get in the pool and you're saying then he's like i do get it it's like the idea of his perspective of, like, what if he does get your report? You go, well, then get in the pool. And then he's like, I do get it. He's like, all right. Oh, man, I should have left that tree. You know what? That was a mistake.

And he's fully clothed. Yeah. You are both standing in the pool with your clothes on. And you go, ah, you know what? You can't see it. And the shell sign. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you had a margarita, go get a couple of margaritas and we'll see if we, it bothers us.

And that's how you meet and met Shane Torres. That's how he was the guy that cut your tree down. And now he's on the road with me. So I don't, I don't know. I, you know, this, this, this, this, this special we're going to do next week. So I had to take this, you know, I had this big long break. And so I've really been trying to get, make sure I'm ready for this special, you know,

so it's not garbage. And so I've been working on sets and looking at, I do, I got a whole chunk on this being, I was born in 1979, which I'm a generation gap. And so I kind of talk about that. Like I was born between Gen Xers and Millennials.

I kind of grew up in two different worlds. Well, that's interesting. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. There's only, it's like basically 79, maybe 78, maybe 80. If you're in that gap, you don't really identify with either. You kind of got characters from both sides. So it's like really setting that up to explain it. And that was the most I've ever done writing-wise.

You know, I never wrote anything word for word. Big reason, because I heard Burr and Patrice talk about it, where it was, you would sound too, it sounds too scripted. And so you want to stay conversational. So you never, you never memorize it. Because if you don't do that, then you're always going to say something a little different. You're not saying the main part of the joke,

but you're saying a little word here and the ands and the these and that stuff gets told different. And that makes it, I think, the audience feel like it's more of a conversation. You know, it's funny. I relate to that as far as being between generations because cusper i'm supposed to be generation x but generation x to me was grunge seattle the 90s and i was i was an 80s guy i hated all of those bands when they first came or i was confused by them like

what happened to all of my bands how come nobody's doing tap on solos anymore with their hair teased up and uh i was really offended when kurt cobain sort of mocked the tap on solo and teen spirit i was like this guy's a douche and i as I got into him, he ended up killing himself. I don't know if I take the blame on that. I never... People in this whole thing that you've killed, that bartender and Dr. Cobain.

That whole slacker, my own private Idaho fucking feeling Minnesota shit when they tried to commercialize it, I didn't relate to any of that. I related to the 80s party on Spuds McKenzie, giant parachute pants, people on fucking blow. I mean, that was, you know, by the time, you know what it is, I turned 22 in 1990.

And that's like 21 is the last exciting birthday as far as like, hey, now I can now I can go out, I can drink, I can go to a titty bar. And then you do it. And you're like, well, I'm not getting away with anything. Now I'm just spending money. And then 22 happens. And you're like, fuck, I'm going to be 30 someday. That's how I felt it. And it was just like, I should have graduated college. I haven't yet. And I'm still slugging my way through this, figuring out what the fuck I want to do. And that's when advertising all sort of latched onto that Gen X thing.

And I just felt like, I felt like Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused, where I was still hanging around the high school kids. If I said, like, I was into like Smashing Pumpkins, which I ended up liking all of those bands, but way after I should have, I sort of hung on to, you know, Dr. Feelgood, Motley Crue, 1989. I hung on to that to about maybe Dave Grohl, Foo Fighters, 95. There's a five-year gap other than Jane's addiction that I kind of let go of all of pop culture, so I never related.

I was straight up Gen X. Straight up. I read Douglas Coupland's book, Generation X. I fucking wore all the clothes. I loved it. I loved it. I'm a Gen Xer what year were you born 72 72 so you were 18

so yeah right your college years yeah man your freshman year in college never mind comes out it's over freshman year college never mind comes out and I remember hearing that and being like holy shit Pearl Jam fell in love with Pearl Jam grew my hair out used to do an Eddie Vedder impression where I go here I was I was I was so you know Joe List has uh been to like 40 Pearl Jam concerts wow He's in like the fan club. Sober too. All right. My freshman year of what should have been my freshman year, if I didn't stay back, was Slippery When Wet, Bon Jovi came up. So that's how much of a difference being born five years later was.

That's crazy. I remember being torn because my freshman year of college grunges out right and we hate like motley crew all that is is is like not what we're listening to it's it's don't tease your hair let it be natural uh big combat boots shorts and and motley crew writes one of the possibly best songs i've ever heard and i used to listen to it in secret um don't go away mad just go away oh that was 89 off of uh that's the dr feelgood album album. I thought it was a John Karabi. The guy who came in when, when Vince wasn't in the band and they put out this, they put out this killer fucking album just called Motley Crue.

They wanted to call themselves something else, but the record company's like, no, you got to stay with Motley Crue. They wanted to like rebrand themselves like a different name, you know, almost like a, you know, Duff and Slash and Velvet Revolver.

I think they wanted to do something like that. And he was just a beast of a singer. It's a fucking killer album, but it got buried because of all of that. It was just like if you weren't from Seattle almost at that point, you couldn't get your album played. Hey, Nate, what golfers, what professional golfers are you friends with? Jason Day

and Tony Finau and Webb Simpson. I mean, Jason, me and Jason are probably the closest. Can I just say something? This is the third time on this podcast I've told you a long story. And then you guys, neither one of you addressed it. I've never felt so old in my

life. I'm sorry. I kind of forgot. I went on for 25 minutes about Dangerfield and you guys are just like, yeah, Nate, so is it the Ohio River that forms the border of Tennessee? It was just, so how

do you write, Nate? Sorry. So how do you write, Nate? Yeah. Sorry. Bird just wandered off in the quasi. Probably over 50 people, man. Holding it down. I just went out and played with

Michael Collins. You know the caddy Michael Collins, Nate? Yeah, I know him. I played with him, actually. What's that? I saw Brooks Kempka commented on something. Yeah. Florida know him. I've played with him, actually. What's that? I've played with him. I saw Brooks Kempka commented on something. Yeah, Florida State cry. That's pretty exciting. I was very excited. I got a bunch of golfers now that follow me,

and then I've been texting back and forth with. But we played out at the Bad Little Nine. Have you heard of that? I've played it, yeah. You played it? Yeah. That's a fucking – so, Bill bill this is a par three put together by a guy named bob parsons who owns bxg and started parsons he's he's uh he started go daddy he's an old navy guy or a marine corps guy who legit is a brilliant thinker the way way his brain works. I think he's doing studies on MDMA and post-traumatic stress syndrome.

And so this par three – He's spare time. He designs golf courses. This guy's like a renaissance man. He sells golf – he actually golf clubs. If you're a PFC, it's a – I have a full set, yeah. Yeah, I do too.

I did a – did you do a fitting? It's going to make you guys good? I have three sets of. Yeah. Yeah, I do too. Did you do a fitting? Is this the set of clubs that's going to make you guys good? I have three sets of them. Sweet, sweet. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no. I love teasing golfers. Is this the set of clubs where you're actually going to be good?

Well, let me tell you, Bill. I'm hitting my 7-iron about 185. It's because they had to get scientists to redesign it every fucking year. Dude, golf, there's no other sport. And I'm not talking about you two guys. There is no other sport in the world where so many non-fucking athletes play it because their doctor told them they were going to have a fucking heart attack unless they started walking.

So then they just take this sport up and they suck so bad and they tie up the good players that every fucking, how much bigger can the head of a driver be before these fucking nerds can keep it in the middle of a football field? I've never seen like, I'm not disrespecting golf in that the people that shoot par can break 80. Those are athletes and the mental that you have to have it but there is a whole pile of shit out there on the links that is dragging it down and creating

this fucking of like golf is just the hardest it's not that fucking hard i see disagree. It's very – It isn't. To keep a ball in that fairway is pretty – you can just by inches go the other way. I can do it. No, you can't. I suck. Not for 18 holes. You can't do it for 18 holes. I know, but I don't play. I play once every three fucking years. I do half a swing, and I can basically keep it there. But if you're not keeping the score, I could hit one baseball.

If you throw a baseball, I could hit one. First of all, I'm not keeping score. Breakfast ball and all that bullshit you guys have, I count every fucking one of them. Just to shame the other people in my fucking foursome is that, that's a mulligan, that's a breakfastulligan that's a breakfast ball that's a gimme the fuck kind of sport is it that's a gimme pulling out pulling out this fucking driver the size of half a jet ski have you ever just done callaway have you tried this fucking thing yet

the fucking ball is this big it's like it's like a fucking two-year-old when you get that big red bat to hit a fucking beach ball with it. Keeps swinging. He would have hated a fitting. After their doctor tells them they need to go walk around, they go out and they get a fucking golf cart

smoking a stogie with their fucking varicose vein leg hanging out the side of it. Driving around, dude. It's a jerk-off. Generally speaking, it is a jerk-off sport. It's a jerk-off. No, dude. Because you haven't played it.

You go to the garage. The way you fucking dress with your dumb preppy clothes. Bill, you dress like a fucking golfer for the record. You're in a fucking Three Stooges sketch? You wear a Nike golf hat all the time, Bill. Jerk-off sport. The average guy that's out

there is a fucking jerk-off. Top golf is fucking amazing. Top golf is amazing. Amazing athletes. If you can break 80 and you're shooting par you are a fucking amazing athlete the rest of them the rest of that waffle house grand slam breakfast fat fucks out there with their stupid eyes on shirts and that sweaty man tips trying to find a club big enough to keep the fucking ball in the court. Can all go fuck themselves.

This is going to make you so frustrated, Bill. There's nobody out there that you would pick to go play flag football with. The average fat fuck. Bill, this is going to make you ten times angrier. So then both Nate and I have been fitted for clubs. What that means is they go in, they watch your swing, they see you hit the ball to the right, and then they just basically pick the club that will make you hit it straight.

Like they bend it a little bit. They give you a stiffer shaft, a bigger head, until you're hitting it dead straight. You're like, all right, that's your set of clubs. We're not going to fix your swing. We're just going to fix your club. How many times have they redesigned the football in your lifetime so you could throw a tight spiral?

A football is a football. You can either throw it or you can't. I'm banging these clubs. I'm banging these clubs. What do you choose, Bert? Do you keep score? No. Have you tried the graph IT?

It kind of tees it up a little bit more i got you know i got these new tees they got a little fan behind it that already starts the ball moving before you even hit it so you get an extra five yards on your fucking swing oh i like that where'd you uh where'd you get those tees at can you send them yeah exactly i was hitting i was at a seven iron 185 with those uh pgxs and i was like what do you it's pxg's what did you uh uh what do you shoot you even keep score when you play like okay i mean i i can break i break 80 but burt uh no no Hold on. Don't you fucking put this on me, Bart. No, he's talking about you, dude.

No, he's not talking about me. He's talking about you. No, he's not. Golf, I don't think it's that hard. Rich Voss is good at it. Yeah. Rich Voss is actually pretty good at golf. He is actually really good at golf.

You ever seen Rich play basketball? I have. Dude, I... I played with Ben Bailey, I think, basketball with Ben Bailey. He's like a triathlete. I played golf with Ben Bailey, too. Ben's a really good hockey player, too. Hey,

I grew up playing. Bailey too. That's a really good hockey player too. Hey, um, the, uh, I, I, I grew up playing. I, if I play the first time out, we played with Michael Collins on that bad little nine.

I hit a fucking sandwich one 30 and flew the green. Michael Collins dotted the fucking pin. Just, and I had called a hole in one. He hits the pin. Go. Hey, you guys heard of the new space shuttle grips

they're putting on the golf clubs? It's literally the same stuff that's underneath the space shuttle so it doesn't burn up during reentry. You got that on your putter. It keeps it. I love the line on the putter, too, so you make sure you hit it straight. Because if you're barely you hit it straight. I mean, one of the things.

Because if you're barely off, it completely matters. Because if you're just a tiny bit off on a 10-foot putt, that becomes a much bigger problem. Here's my question. No, no, no. Nate, I think Bill's right. How dumb sports are. I have never seen so much time and effort put into that, as Carlin says,

that fucking waste of real estate that is a golf course. It's like you're standing up there. Nobody's guarding you. Everybody has to shut up when you're trying to... He's going to hit the ball. You're fucking going to hit an NBA foul shot. There's some guy with his

dick out swinging it around. You got to block that out. Get the fuck out of here. Nate, he he's right you should put down golf and pick up drums don't start a band just pick up drums so you can play by yourself in a garage not with a guitarist just by yourself in a garage and you know what that's you're 100 right that's absolutely ridiculous so now maybe you could admit to how many i am the first to admit i am a dad drummer i stink and what i do is a tremendous waste of time but it makes me makes me happy okay i know golf does that to you too but stop talking you fucking jerk offs with your fucking clubs and your grips and your fucking, you know, have you seen the new flags that they got?

It makes so much less noise when you're trying to tee off. Bryson DeChambeau gained some weight for the Masters, Nate. Did you hear? Dude, it's super exciting. Bryson's driving the ball 400 yards. No one's ever seen that. Yeah. Where he's playing.

If you could, if you could ever go play with a pro ball. John Daly could do that after a 12 pack. Yeah. I'm not saying he can't. I used to play the game shit faced and would win tournaments. We, John Daly would park his bus at the old club. I used to be a member at. He would just park and just be there for two weeks and then just live in that parking lot.

And he still does now. But I'm not saying John Daly – He's one of the most amazing human beings. Yes. I know the story with him and Tyler Woods. I wish people would just let him live his fucking life. My favorite thing – two favorite things of John Daly. One was when he got kicked or when he left the tournament,

he kept hitting balls in the water and he kept just trying it. And he did like 10 cup and just kept dropping them, hitting them, and then just leaves. And he leaves with his girlfriend and her kid, which is my favorite because that's – he just would be with someone that has like this chick on his kid. And then they have to walk out together, and they just leave and go to their car. His kid's actually really good at golf right now. But then Tiger Woods at a PGA championship – or a PGA major,

and John Daly's, after the first round, he's drinking beers at the bar, and he tells Tiger. Tiger walks by, and he goes, come have a beer with me. And Tiger's like, nah, I'm going to go putt. He's like, why are you always practicing? And then Tiger Woods goes, well, if I was as talented as you are, I wouldn't have to, and then left. Because he would say, that's how talented John Daly was.

John Daly was amazing. He was so good that Tiger was like, if I was like you, I wouldn't have to. But I have to. So he had to go practice. I'm a huge Tiger and John Daly fan. I like the pros. Yeah. You'd like Bryson DeCampo, Bill.

Bill, you'd really like Bryson. Don't you think? He's like Brooks Koepka. Brooks Koepka? I like Bubba Watson. I love that one. The first time I ever watched the Masters wire to wire was the year Kenny Perry. That was one of the worst things I ever watched.

His family was there on the 18th. I just heard, like, he didn't even say goodbye to him. He just got in his car and started driving afterwards. Like, the level of collapse that That's why golf's so good, is, like, you see that, I think golf's a great That level, Nate, at that level.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I get it. Dude, I watched the majors. I am a fan of professional golf. What I'm not a fan of is non-athletes sitting around talking about this fucking game that they're playing so they don't have a heart attack yeah there's a lot of bad golfers like that do that that's why public courses are tough to go to they have fights there's a course here in uh nashville i grew up playing Riverside where the greens are right next to the next tee box so there's just fights all day long because these guys are not good enough to hit the

greens and that tee box is right there so just everybody is getting hit by a ball and I mean it is just straight up people just hitting a ball and then just running and having to fight a guy before they play and then they got to having to fight a guy before they played. And then they got to follow that guy the rest of the round. You're just behind the guy that you fall for the, for four hours. You got to just follow. I was a kid.

I used to play winter golf with a buddy of mine. We'd go to private courses and we would just play. We would jump the fence. It'd be like frost on the fairways and shit. And we played it. We would jump the fence. It would be like frost on the fairways and shit. And we played it. First one in the hole would win. And then in the end, you'd get to the industrial park and try to break a window.

Yeah. So y'all played the real rules of golf? First one in the hole wins. Wait. I love that you two reinvented the wheel. So the first one in the hole wins. No, let's not keep scoring. First one in the hole wins. We only had like two clubs and it was, the only times I've gone golfing,

like by the third hole, I am so fucking bored. And then by then somebody's always in a bad mood because they're not playing well and they're over there muttering to themselves and then you can't talk to them don't talk to me i'm in a bad fucking mood and i mean i don't know i don't know i'm gonna go play uh if you play i mean that's why to be a member at a course somewhere, which is not crazy. If someone's obsessed with golf, you can be members at courses for $300 a month or something. Whatever your thing would be, they're not all this crazy, stuffy kind of –

some are, but then a lot aren't. Is it $300 and then you have to pay for a round, or is it just – No, I mean, it differs. Some are $600, some are – you can find some that are $300. My dad joined somewhere that, I mean, it was nothing because they were trying to get members. And it's not the best course. But I want to say he paid – it's like under $100.

But you wouldn't pay for a round then. You might pay for a cart. There's like bobcats and shit on the course. It's – I mean, yeah. You've got to move your ball around a lot because you're like – you're just in a dirt pile and you're in the fairway and you're like, all right, let's move it. The ones I always thought were the scariest courses

were the ones in Florida where there's like alligators in the water. Oh, that's where I grew up playing. Yeah, fuck that. Alligators, rattlesnakes, water moccasins. When you lost your ball in the woods, sometimes you'd be like, nah, I think I'm just going to let it go. Now let me ask you this. Has anybody died, of course in Florida,

in Florida going to try and retrieve a ball, lost their leg to an alligator? There was a guy down in San Diego, the San Diego area, an older guy. They were on this hole, and there was like some sort of cliff or something that led down to the fucking street, and the golf cart was in reverse. And I think he was in the passenger seat, and he was leaning over doing one of those, went right off the back and killed himself. It's a brutal sport, man.

It's a tough sport. You guys- My dad had the- I just realized we all have beards. Joe Theismann, my dad broke his leg like Joe Theismann golfing. He was standing in the back of his bag at a cart and an older guy was with him. And this old man went to try to drive the car with just his feet, and so he just pressed the gas, though, and just snapped into my dad's leg.

And it was like the Joe Theismann break. If you search that on Google, if you type in death by alligator on the golf course,, immediately follows it up. There have been several. Headline from 2018 was it dragged her in the water. Golfer called 911 to report. Oh, my God. Dude, what's worse, Bill?

Two of the scariest fucking things ever, eaten by an alligator, Komodo dragon. Oh, fucking Komodo dragon. Komodo dragons. Like, I don't even know. I don't understand how those things are legal. They bite you, and then they track you because they know you're going to die. They just follow you. Or if you're so small, there's enough of them, they all just hold on to you,

and still they just fucking start ripping you apart while you're alive. Big necks on them. When we were kids in Tampa, we'd go down to a lake by a green and just get in the water and feel with our feet and get balls. And you were just – no fear of alligators, just fucking dumb kids. Get a bunch of balls and then sell them to golfers. What did you sell them for, a quarter? I barely remember i remember i remember getting a nasty sinus infection from being in those lakes

nasty sinus infection yeah so wait nate i want to go back to the special you're taping where how where are you taping it uh it's universal they're doing a lot of stuff up there. So where the universal studios is, and I guess in the, like, I get, you know what, like, I think they're doing America's got talent,

American idol, wherever they're taping that kind of stuff. And so a hundred people and I think I can talk. Yeah. And all that. So you have an audience and everything. Yeah. A hundred people,

they got to get tested and I think they're all wearing masks. So we'll see if that's all that. So you have an audience and everything. Yeah. A hundred people, they got to get tested and I think they're all wearing masks. Uh, so we'll see if that's all right. And I mean, luckily I've been doing these drive-ins. So I, you know, I've actually kind of really not minded the drive-ins.

I love them. I think they're fucking great. If you just do your show and you do your act and don't like, I think anybody that's having trouble with them goes with the negative attitude. And then they, instead of just going, do your stupid act and tell your jokes and then put on a show and go back

to your bus. Like that's what it is, but you can hear the people up front. So at least I'm kind of used to the weird timing. No, you're you're I'm telling you right now, because I've done some amphitheaters. Now I did say,

are you doing San Antonio? I'm not. San Antonio, they sell picnic tables. So there's like 1,000 people in the courtyard, and they sell picnic tables. But it's really close to you, I mean, meaning as opposed to a drive-in. And, man, I will tell you, Nate, when you go into this Universal, you'll feel like you've been swimming with fucking overalls on.

When you get up and close to an audience, having worked at these drive-ins, you are going to be murdering. I mean, you're going to be like, what the fuck? Is that how funny I am? Because you're right. I'm getting a new driver, Nate. A brand-new driver? A brand-new driver.

I'm about to get a new driver, Nate? A brand new driver? A brand new driver. I'm about to get a new driver. Hey, what is the protocol if a friend of yours gets snagged by an alligator? You got a club in your hand. I mean, call the 911. It's fucking over. No, I'm going in after him.

Is there a way... Because I know alligators, if they're straight at you, they got to turn to the side to get you. Yeah, I think that's so – They want to bite you. I think the turn to the side is super fast. Huh?

I think that when they turn to the side and get you, I think, if they're right here in front of you, I don't think you can sit there going, well, they can't – you've got to wait until they get to the side. I think their side moves happen all at once, well, they can't. You got to wait till they get to the side. I think there's side moves happen all at once. Yeah, they come in like that. I was watching one of those fucking guys who probably ended up getting killed by one. But like if you took like a club, a driver, I don't know which guys you guys would use, you know, with your new grip on it.

And you just started. I wouldn't use a driver. That's the fucking thing. I'm going to tell you, B I'm out of the fucking thing. I'm going to take work. There is no fucking way. If that thing grabs you, I'm calling 911. If I got a club in my hand, I mean, I might, no pun intended, alligator arm a couple of swings. Yeah.

But I'm not going to be like, yes, it just dragged him under. I mean, it's fucking old. But I would also think, like, when a wild animal grabs a human being, like, I always get, it always blows my mind that we somehow survived long enough to have houses and clothes and shit. Like, just everything is so much faster, so much stronger. Like, if an alligator of a certain size just grabs your leg and goes like that, you're just going into the fucking water. It's taking you down and you're done, right? I would try to...

Going in after my buddy. I would try to act like I'm with the alligator on his side. So then I'm like, yeah. I'm staying on the shore grabbing the longest club I can. I'm not going in the fucking water. I am. Oh, are you, Bert? Yeah, because the

working part of the alligator is already taken let me tell you i fucking hey roll up the old let me tell you something you're not getting see here's where you're misconceived you think you're gonna see like a fucking kobe beef fucking stomach and they would drop whatever he was eating he'd be all over you mean enough barbecue in your life I bet you're delicious I would be a good treat for an alligator if an alligator's got you

it's not going to be a 13 foot it'll be a 6 foot and I can take it I had an alligator when I was 20 what? I had a caiman alligator me and my buddy

John Paul we lived together and we bought you could buy a cayman alligator me and my buddy john paul we lived together and we bought you could buy a cayman alligator at this like critter store and so we we bought one just out of curiosity what else were they selling at critters just other alligators rattlesnakes and shit uh they it was all reptiles it's a reptile place i just went to a reptile place in uh wilkes-barre pennsylvania wilkes-barre or my show i did before covid and i go into uh you know i've had a whole big story about going to this cape fear serpentarium and so i like going to these weird reptile places and i see a handwritten sign that says reptiles and it's just in an office building and I'm like well we got to go see what this guy is up to and he had

a two-headed turtle you could buy an alligator there a bunch of snakes and he had a gun in his waistband of his pants and uh so it was like that kind of place where's the place that you go I bet the guy who's he's renting this from doesn't know what he's actually doing in here. That sounds like a Netflix series. Oh, it's the start of one. I mean, it can't – I mean, he – yeah, I remember he had – the gun was in – you know, not a holster.

Like a holster, you're like, all right, this guy bought a holster. It's in his pants like they do in the movies. Can I back down on golf for half a second? Every time I've gone, I've had a great time hanging out with people, but they just take it so fucking seriously. Somebody's always in a pissed-off mood like they just blew the U.S. open. You're going with the wrong guys. You're going with the wrong people.

I'm smelling a Bill Burtt segment. Nate's out here. Me, Bill, and Nate go golfing. What do you say? Golfing's the best sport for pandemics. COVID's been – I think tennis is better. Then you've got to hit a ball that you're connecting back and forth to each other.

Yeah, but you don't touch it. I mean, you don't touch. A golf ball, you're never – your world is your clubs and your ball, and then you're never sharing it. Yeah, golf is a great pandemic. You guys all hanging up at the fucking tee-off place waiting for something. Well, you don't do that. You don't have to do that, so you don't do that.

But you're smacking covet back and forth just hoping you know all back and forth just covet cove you know hoping everybody on the ball nate there's a good chance we don't know that there's a breeze in the ocean there's a breeze in the ocean that keeps it off the tennis ball yeah i think we do know that you can't yeah you can't get it that way hey nate you guys hug at the net at the end and say good match then i think we do know that you can't yeah you can't get it that way hey nate guys hug at the net at the end and say good match then i think you could get it nate two shows tonight in a drive-in 40 degree temperature look at my stage set up dude how did you get those uh spaces i just did kansas city where are you at oh st louis i I just did Kansas City and it was 39 degrees and I learned

that I hold my hand I hold the mic with my left hand a lot because my pinky was numb yeah oh you know what I don't move my I'm just left-handed I never thought of it my pinky started hurting because it was so cold that I would go, oh. Do you know, I know some comic was trying to tell me that stand-up's going to be over at the end of this. It's just like, dude, people are coming out in 39 degree weather to sit on grass outside to go see it. It's not going to be. Yeah.

It's going to be bigger than ever. It's not going to be over. But I do think I'm borderline wanting a separation of stand-up comedians i think we got a lot of people that are gonna call themselves comedians now and i think there's a lot of tricks being used out there like see you should you have to be able to do an hour act an hour show to be called a stand-up comedian and then the rest of them can be you're an entertainer if you go this other route i smell a purist i love it i'm getting furious dude you're making about like i mean i mean i've been alone too long i'm like let me tell you something you know what i always loved

i loved when they uh like an ex-porn star would try stand up and some comics would get mad. It's like, well, aren't you watching free porn? You kind of drove him or her into this. Didn't you? I'm fine with that. I don't, I don't care about the, that's like golf. There's a lot of amateur golfers. There's a lot of, I get the idea of people if you can sell tickets, like I'm not against. A lot of fat people trying not to have a heart attack or another one of that. And they can, they get to talk to us as if what the hardest thing to do is create a one-hour act. You know what?

It's so hard to create jokes that work all over the world. That's the toughest thing to do. So quit doing tricks that you get to go like, well, this thing is by trick that I get to use in my act instead of, and I get to package it like I'm a stand-up comedian. Would I love to watch stand-up specials with you, Nate? You know, back in the day, me and DeRosa, when Netflix first came out, and if you just sent them a special, it was like they would put it on. They had some really bad ones and and we used to have one night a week we would watch them and just sit there dying laughing at like how bad they were I think everybody does that

in like uh oh yeah just to be random like welders if welders see somebody who sucks at welding I mean they'll be on the ground dying laughing like they're watching Richard Pryor. So I don't feel too bad doing stuff like that. But that's essentially how I ended up in this business is I would watch stand-up comedy with a buddy of mine and he'd be like, these guys aren't funny. We're funnier than they are.

We got to try this shit. So I don't know. I do think it's going to be better though. Like it's getting, I think stand-up is becoming a little more mainstream of an there's a, I do, I do think it's going to be better though. Like it's getting, I think standups becoming a little more mainstream of an art form or, you know, not that we call ourselves art form, but like as an entertainment thing to go do stand up is way more out there

than it ever has been. People can go look for it and do it and go to shows. People come to these drive-ins. I mean, I think it's getting, I think it's the real deal. You know, I think stand is the real deal and i think we're gonna we're gonna get a lot more people coming in to say they're comedians that are just videos on instagram you know yeah like i'm definitely of the school that stand-up comedy evolves but to say that it's over it's like people

don't want to laugh anymore is that yannis that says that? That's Giannis, who's the maniac. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Giannis, I love Giannis. He thinks everything's over. New York City's over. Yeah. This country's over. Stand-up is over.

Yeah. That's Giannis. It's been over a long time. Yeah. What was your favorite drive-in, Nate? You know, Cape Cod, I thought thought was like just where it's at. I've never been to Cape Cod. And so where it was located and how they built it up,

I'm talking about just the location of it, I thought was very, very cool. Yeah. You watched movies? We watched Halloween in Louisville or the lorraine's they played halloween for us and we watched it alone sitting in chairs when no one was there just watch it on the big screen on the drive-in by herself yeah i do two shows nate so like it's really late when i get done i get it you know you're out there uh playing game you think there's other occupations where they bust balls like that like do you think doctors are like yeah i'm not a podiatrist i'm a

heart surgeon so i'll be parking over here i bet they do you got to do yeah how many surgeries you got four oh all right uh now i got a baby heart surgery so So, you know, some big boy stuff. But, yeah, I bet they do. Did you play Butler, Pennsylvania? That was the first one I did. That's my favorite one. That's my favorite one. That was the first one.

I did enjoy it. But that was the first one. It took me a second to get used to it. I saw one and a half shows, and then you just get used to, oh, this is what it sounds like. I did a parking lot out here, and they were in their cars. I was also trying to remember my act. Then by the second show, it just becomes like, oh, all right, now this level of laughing is killing, so now I feel comfortable and I can tell my shit jokes here.

Hey, by the way, speaking of the great Giannis Pappas, Nate Land, he kind of coined that phrase. Isn't that the name of your podcast? Yeah, because he says once you leave New York, everybody's just a bunch of me's walking around with this hat and, like, this hat and Walmart parking lots, no mask. It's actually pretty

insulting what he said. No, but it's classic the astounding ignorance of so many New Yorkers. Dude, you know when I worked with Verzi when we were in San Antonio, Texas

to Austin, Texas, he legitimately asked know, when I worked with Verzi when we were in San Antonio, Texas, to Austin, Texas, he legitimately asked me, do you think we need a gun? Because there's people sneaking over the Mexican border. It's just like, how dumb are you guys? This is my theory. Too many songs were written about New york city that blow new york city i you know if i can make it there and then you know in new york all that shit they get so mesmerized by it that when they go out into the world like like they go and they they look at a skyline and they just go this place sucks we have more have more buildings than you. And it's just like,

I always said, you can make it in New York. You got to move to LA now. So people always talk about how difficult New York is. It's infinitely more easy. I feel than Los Angeles, Los Angeles is brutal. You come out here. It's like the entire, you fly across the country. You watch it slowly dying, right? It goes through this really rich, green, beautiful thing to just this fucking patch of dirt out here. And yeah, if you don't make it, then I mean, you're looking, you got a 3,000 mile ride back. If I didn't make it in New York, I could be in my car three hours, I'd be back at my parents' house.

It wasn't that big a deal. Well, that's what Giannis would do because he would always tell me, I don't have culture. And I'm like, you live three blocks from your mother, from your mom's house. She lives three blocks from here. I go, I'm from Tennessee. I go, what are you talking about? Just because there's a guy from Nigeria that's next door to you

doesn't mean you get what he's been through, you know? No, and they're meatheads. I'm not saying I'm not a meathead, but Giannis and all of those – He is a meathead. He is a meathead. I love him. Giannis is a meathead. This doesn't feel right because he's not here because I would definitely say that.

It feels only right. Don't worry. He trashes us on his podcast when none of us are there. only right. Don't worry. He trashes us on his podcast when none of us are there. I actually think that New Yorkers get scared when they leave New York or something. Something happens

because they always have to take a picture of the skyline and say that it's lame. Where it's kind of like you know, I go to like I don't know. I go to New York and I think it's fucking amazing. It's like the Paris of America.

I think it's great. But I can still go to Philly and do Philly shit and have a good time. Pittsburgh's one of my favorite places. I like Milwaukee. I like Chattanooga. I just do what people do when you go there. I don't try to fucking get, you know, a great slice of pizza when I'm in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

Not saying they don't have one. You can't get a good slice in Chattanooga. Yeah, you can't get it. The fucking place is fucking closed. It's like you guys go out at 11 at night. Yeah, nobody does that. You're drinking for four hours. You could be done by 11 if you left at 7.

Wait, are you drinking these days, Nate? No, I haven't drank for a year and a half, two years. No. Yeah. For good? I don't know. I mean, maybe. I mean, it's, you know, dude, it just hurts too much.

It's no fun. We're on the road constantly. Me and Burr had two different experiences we went daytona was a real big problem and then uh talladega we were very normal and just sitting watch the race i don't even remember what happened at daytona there wasn't a problem i'm just saying we we we got we went out we got after it we because i was like yeah i was like well we guys we had to start drinking early because i was like yeah i was like well we had to start drinking early because i was like dude this is what they do so we have to drink at 8 a.m so we woke up and just had booze at eight

awesome i remember that we had our hotel rooms were on the same floor yeah i think i had like the same room because i only found in the we had a I found a two-bedroom apartment it was impossible to get a place that's right because it sells out like a year before you could do it so wait did you guys do a show there or just go there we did a show one of your specials just aired the week before and it was your first show back and I was actually going to take my stand-ups, the half hour on Netflix, that next week. I was flying back to L.A. And then we went to Daytona. We met up.

We did the show. And then the next day we went to Talladega. I mean, Daytona. And just the Gronkowski was there. Keanu Reeves said he was a big fan and was doing an impression of you to you. Wait, Keanu Reeves was doing an impression of Bill Burr to Bill Burr? Yeah.

Do you remember that? I mean, he's all set up in the – they sent us in the – you know, they introduced all the celebrities. And so I thought – because I thought, well, Burr's up there. And then I actually got up there. I was in the corner, and I just got to be like – Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was next to Keanu Reeves, and he was like a big fan.

No fucking way. Bill, how do you not tell me this? Dude, I was pretty hammered. There was another one. Gronkowski, the whole Gronkowski family was there. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Push pause. What did Bill – you had to have interacted with the G, wait, wait. Hold on. Push pause.

You had to have interacted with the Gronks, Bill. No, I just leave them alone. My thank you to them is I leave them alone. I'm not going to go in and be like, I grew up

with a fucking dude from the state and then he's stuck in that conversation again. I want to take Rick's ride. If he looked over and just said, oh, you're that comedy guy, listen to comedy, hey, I would talk to him. But if he doesn't say shit to me, dude, Gronkowski, nothing but getting bothered. All they do is just get bothered, dude.

Dude, I know you, Bert. You're coming in the side. Hey, Gronk, I know you, Bert. You're coming in the side. Hey, Grok, I just want to say. That is totally me. I never watched that whole clip. When you talk to Sandler, I love you too much, Bert. I can't watch it. When you fucking do this shit, when it's over, it's perfect,

and then you just go, hey, hey adam i just want to say before you go when you did that i was just like going like oh no rewind rewind go back to pre-decision oh i can't help it man it's who i am i gotta be who i am you do and that's working for you and I gotta be who I am which means I get fucking I used to get hammered oh man the glory days they'll pass you by man we have I had fun at both of those I had fun in Talladega watching other other everybody else getting ripped and doing that was deep south there was some people out there wearing some shit that like, you know, I don't think a hipster could put together if they were doing like some sort of sketch.

But they were totally. But the thing about the hipster sketch is it takes out the fact that the guy you're looking at who's, you know, dressed crazy also can take an entire car apart, put it back together and it's better than it was. Though which is my big complaint with liberals in their elitist attitudes towards flyover states. It's like there's doctors, there's mechanics, there's scientists, all of these fucking people

live there too, you know what I mean? And what, you tell jokes and you left the state to go fucking host a game show and all of a sudden you're better? I don't know. What if we announce one day as a national fall off the wagon day where everyone in America can just drink for one day and it doesn't count against your streak or whatever makes you feel good about not drinking because i'm bummed that i'm never gonna have a wake up early morning drinking day

with bill and with nate like like i'm glad you guys are happy i'm glad you guys are healthy but fuck i'm bummed that sounds so awesome together you know because uh i was i was too like when i was on the borderline worried about, like, or saying I should stop drinking. Me and you did get skank, at Skank Fest, we had a week together. Yeah. Like, that was a week where both our wives were, we didn't call them. And we'd just get a call the next day and go, well, you're not calling.

Yeah. And I'm like, I don't. It's like, me and Bird, me and Bird are together. I don't know what to say. DeRosa was there. And I mean, it was like a real, it's like me and bird murder. I don't know what to say. Rosa was there. And it was like a real man like we were out every night. That was the funnest fucking shit. That was the greatest weekend ever.

And I mean, my wife was the whole week was like, I mean, you're not called. You're just not calling when you go to bed. I go, I don't I don't know. I'm really going to bed. And oh, I would I do the thing with my wife where I talk to her when I'm hammered, and then the next morning I go, so where are the girls? And she goes, do you not remember what happened last night? I was like, what?

She goes, I told you all about this last night. And I go, no, I'm asking now where are they? She goes, they're still camping. And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, right, right, right, right, right. I thought they got back. I know. I've been in your position. There's people that I would love to have drank,

but you had 35 years to drink with me. Did we really drink, though? We only did it a couple of times. We only drank. Me and you, I'll tell you what. I'm going to give you a very meaningful, because, Nate, that was one of my favorite drinking times with you, a very meaningful Bill Burr drinking moment.

We're about to do the Roxy for a goddamn comedy jam. We go up and we're in the green room. And the green room was just, it was like people that were on hit shows and they didn't know, there weren't like, there was some people that just didn't know comedy. And I remember one girl said to Bill,

you do stand up and Bill just kind of looked at me. He goes, uh, let's go next door. Let's go get a drink. Went to the rainbow room, right? We went over, we had a whiskey and Bill and I both have a whiskey and he goes, we made it man. Like we're at the rainbow room having a whiskey before doing a show with a fucking Roxy got, and we toasted and I went fuck man it was I appreciate the fact that you could find the small thing and enjoy it with your cocktail you could take that cocktail and let it represent something more than just let's just go get a drink and I was like fuck I didn't I didn't slow down to smell the roses I'm at the

goddamn rainbow room we're performing at the fucking roxy like this is this is like if you had told me this in eighth grade i'd be like no fucking way and i'm here and and i was like i remember wanting to go bill actually you've made it i'm with you dude i've been saying that for 15 years once I quit my day job and I told jokes for a living, the fact that I got up when I wanted to, it's just, I mean, that's as free as they'll let you be. When do you get up? When I'm not tired. I mean, now I got kids, so that changed. But when I was a single man, and I was just telling jokes, and I had no other gig other than my 10 minute set at night and middling on the weekend, when I didn't have a fucking day job, and I was in New York City, my little walkthrough bedroom, I felt like a fucking king. Anytime I i could i could i could stay out as late as i wanted i had nobody to

fucking answer to and i was making enough money to keep that going i mean like i don't know i i was i i for the longest time i am a very i'm a simple dude you get me a bottle of bourbon and MeTV, that's it. You're not going to see me for a week. What is MeTV? MeTV shows all the shows I grew up watching and all the ones I missed. Like Banachek. I never even saw that. It took place in Boston.

77 Sunset Strip. I knew Ephraim Zimbalist Jr. from the FBI show. I didn't know him from that. Peter Gunn. That's that song. That was the theme song to that. I just got into all of these old cop gumshoe shows, old movies. It makes you feel good too as i think as far as just like watching today's news where they just they just focus on hysteria to a fault to a fault like if you do a show in front of 1500 people in 1499 have a great fucking time and one person says they were triggered the story is that you had a controversial show which is just it's not true but uh it's 2 30 here i got some shit i gotta do here man so let's uh let's wrap this up nate we can have you on anytime you're an easy fucking podcast man

yeah i would love it i love to hang with y'all i always enjoy it and he's right in between both of us right he's a southern guy leans towards you he doesn't drink anymore leans towards And he's right in between both of us, right? He's a southern guy, leans towards you. He doesn't drink anymore, leans towards me. He's got a beard. He made fun of Giannis Pappas. I mean, what else do we need here? This is the perfect guest. What else do you want?

We got to have Giannis on now, Bill. Have him defend himself. Oh, Giannis? I'd love to have Giannis. I'd love to have Giannis on. I think he just had a baby girl, right? Yep. So what upcoming a baby girl, right? Yep. So what upcoming shows you got, Nate?

This weekend is Dallas, Austin, two shows in Austin and Dallas too. So that's something. Nice, nice. Outdoors, outdoors? Outdoors. And Houston we're doing half a show. So there's one show in Houston. And then I think December five and six or four and

five i'm doing san diego and anaheim the that weekend december five six i believe san diego and anaheim so nice hit me hit us up when you come out here i will i want to go go ahead and watch we'll take some video let's go that's why you're going bad you're going and part three. We'll take some video. That's your problem. That's why you're going to part three. We're going to go to a real nice place. Okay. Nice. All right. All right.

Beautiful. And I'm not going to practice, and I'll show you. I'll still keep it on the fairway. So one last question. One last question, Nate. Have you seen The Cabin on Netflix, and what do you think? Yeah. I'm a huge fan.

I was excited for you to see it. I not uh i haven't got to watch it yet but uh i know everybody's in it i didn't get asked to be in it so i appreciate that so uh i'll watch it as much as you ask me to be in it so there you go all right burns to the ground burt i hope that show ruins your career season, you and Bill in an episode. What do you think? I'm down. I'm probably busy, but I'm down. Let me check. We'll all go golfing.

All right. The great Nate Bargatze, everybody. Thank you so much, Nate. Thanks, Nate. See you guys next time. All right.