The Bill Bert Podcast - The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 47 w. Jeff Richards

Episode Date: February 3, 2021

Bill and Bert prattle with Jeff Richards, Dustin Hoffman, David Attenborough, and Louis Anderson.

Hey, what's going on, everybody? It's time for another wonderful episode of The Bill. Bert. Pod. Gast. All right. Yeah. We got a guest.

What's up? We got a guest. We got a guest. This guy's one of my favorite fucking stand-up comedians, one of the most original, darkest, craziest people on stage, and does some of the best impressions. I don't want to, I'm giving you an intro. You know, you're gonna be like, how do I follow this? Please welcome the absolutely brilliant Jeff Richards. Thank you. Thank you very much, Bill. Thank you, Bert. It's great to be here. I thank you for having me on. Thank you. I still remember a bit

you did. I forget quite how it goes but we were we were working together in brea and you were talking about people putting babies in crawl spaces after they killed them and you said something like where are they gonna stick them next and you said something absolutely ridiculous and then you just looked at the crowd were like great point and they didn't know how to handle it. I was in the fucking back crying. It would be helpful if I remembered the punchline. I don't remember.

You know what you reminded me of? That chick with the big square head that fucking acts like she's a lawyer. Maybe she used to be one, but now she's on TV. It's not Judge Judy. She doesn't even do a judge show. She's like an ambulance chaser. She acts like she's trying to help people out. I know who you're talking about.

Paul? Paul? No, what's the lady's name? Nancy Grace? Andrea Grace, yeah. Nancy Grace? Oh, Nancy Grace. Yeah.

Oh, Nancy Grace, right, right. I remember that. It was something that that wasn't it something about a suitcase too with like like you're gonna go to the trouble to chop up a body but you you don't yank the teeth out you know you don't get rid of the fillings you know you go to all that length of to you know something like that this is this started off real dark no no you were fucking talking about it was though you were talking about this like you were just shooting the breeze about putting a deck on your house and you

were talking about the darkest and then you did like this nancy grace look in the end of it and they were staring at you yeah that was it and i was crying and your commitment and the characters and shit like it is a fucking travesty that not more people know when this stupid pandemic is over to go out and and go see jeff richards live if you really want something different to really do like you you're absolutely super talented. This is the guy you got to see. You're so sweet. Thank you. What was, what was, how, what did, how, how do you come up with a bit? I'm just curious. I remember seeing you one time about to go up in the O and in the belly room and you

were in a complete, I think blue and gold leotard. And I was like, wait, what the fuck's Jeff doing? And they're like, Oh, he's trying to figure something out tonight. And I was like, Oh, I just, fuck heard all fuck yeah no that's the music stuff that's like having fun with the music and you know smoking a little weed before you go up there and just letting letting loose yeah he did it one time he was tom petty for like an hour i sat and i played drums on a song or two yeah and he would go up there and he would just sing the song. But before the song, he would do some story about how he came up with the song.

And it was the most darkest twisted shit ever. And then he'd go into this huge hit that everyone wanted to hear while they had to shake off the story. Like he'd get into like getting touched by a relative. And then all of a sudden we would be playing like refugee yeah don't do me like that oh don't do me like that that was the one i played on yeah yeah all your jokes up yeah he was talking about how he got diddled uh you know my dad was a great guy he took me out fishing and up one day i don't know we were sitting there on the on the couch and i i didn't really know what was going on anyway let's let's I don't know. We were sitting there on the couch and I didn't really know what was going on.

Anyway, let's hear Don't Do Me Like That. Here we go. Show me Don't Do Me Like That. I just did his podcast. That's my favorite thing ever. The Louis Anderson point. Show it. Show me baloney.

Show it. What are you looking at? Show me bologna. Show me croissant. Can you please say it's time for the feud? You guys ready to play the feud? Top five rings on the board. We serve it.

Hang down. Demand it. Hang down. Demand it. Dang it. show me water I'm dying you ever do that you ever do that

what uh what have you been doing during the pandemic you started this podcast what the fuck is going on with my microphone saying that it changed to a yeti What have you been doing during the pandemic? You started this podcast. What the fuck is going on with my microphone? You're saying that it changed to a Yeti. Nano, fine. What do I do here? Good.

Bottom left. Did it come off? There you go. I just literally yelled that only I could see. Nope, there it is. Your default microphone has changed to MacBook Pro microphone. What do I want to do here, Andrew? You sound fine.

It did click back and forth. Keep it set as the Yeti. I don't know. Is it your microphone? Is the input on the second? No, the microphone is charged. The Yeti is gone. No, it's its plug.

That's so funny. Mine just did the same thing. What? Is somebody hacking in here? Where are you? You in the corners? Yeah, just. Oh, no.

Let's just keep going. Fuck it. Yeah, he's doing good, Bill. Okay. All right. Sorry. What have you been doing during this uh this pandemic jeff just the my show just the podcast uh making these uh deep fakes and just banging one out

every we're gonna go to one every two weeks we were doing once a week is a little little much getting everything together but yeah just just trying to do a new impression. How long does that take you to come? Oh yeah. You gotta give yourself time to come up with the impression, right? Yeah. I got to figure out, you know, the pairing of, of, of, you know, which impression with the guests, which, which is a good one, you know, like you and Louie was good. I thought, because I could diffuse you as Louie a little bit, you know. Just trying to pick ones that kind of spar well together, you know. Yeah. What's your favorite impression to do right now? Oh, I like doing – I always like doing Letterman.

I always like – nice to see it. You would hope at some point, I don't know how. would hope at some point I don't know how there's a certain definability that that isn't quite uh isn't quite an apple isn't quite a banana I feel like a fucking I feel like a child whenever I hear an impression i'm always like wait how do you start it like how do you like take me through like the coming up with an impression because i've always felt like i could do notorious big singing well but i could never do an impression yeah i think you just have to have a feeling about that person you know uh you know something in you that makes you kind of want to mock them a little bit you know something that you oh i kind of see what this guy is a little bit you know like uh

you know and kind of go from there like robert downey jr was like that for me he always sounded like a surfer from southern california just in general you know and it's like you know like you know hang ten you know carol bunga dude you know this is what it is you know, it's like, you know, hang 10, you know, cowabunga dude, you know, this is what it is, you know, it's like surfing, it's like a metaphor for like, you know, it's like mash kismet, it's like, you know, you know, like neuron Nazi, like, you know, Vancouver, you know, post pineapple vibes. That's great. You know, just, just kind of where it's just fun to get into it.

Like always like Jimmy Fallon is fun. fun yeah it's so cool you know that's the most amazing that's the coolest thing in the world yeah i just found a i found a paper clip yesterday you know you know what i mean i found a paper clip you know i found a little little piece of twisted metal you know when i first saw it i was like oh my god no way you know you just sit at home you just start doing them because i can like imitate somebody if i work with them but i had to like spend 40 hours a week with them and then it was really just everybody's impression of the guy and then just exaggerating a few things but i've never been able to like i can do impressions of people's impressions yeah like i do a little bit of a um ray romano but it was only after i heard this guy rob magnotti do it yeah you know what i mean once they do it it's just like crack it crack the yeah

there was a guy uh jim loletta in boston did the best fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger because he just didn't do the he had that lower register of him just talking when he was being firm and everybody was all about that he wouldn't do that like Craig Gass was the only guy I could see do Pacino like post-90s Pacino talking. Right. Like that gravelly sort of that cadence that he got into.

Yeah. The way he would do it. Everybody sort of does the hacky version of it. He actually literally sounded like him. And you have that gift is that something you you're just born with it i guess yeah a little bit it's um it's like getting the tone right you're just talking about you're talking like getting a getting kind of like that that that impression that people haven't seen yet like you know like hoffman like dustin hoffman is just you you happen like you know like hoffman like dustin hoffman is just you you happen there was a long hallway i didn't know where i was going i didn't know so we're trying to we try to open we tried to open the different doors but they wouldn't open nobody had a key so we couldn't open the doors so we had to go we had to go back out we had to wait for a while we had to wait for a while don't tell me what you don't know what i know don't look at me like that yeah

that's fucking great how the fuck do you do so are you just watching you just noticed i never noticed he shook his head when he or the lips lips, the lips, the lips one is what gets me. Oh, that little thing. Yeah, that little. It's just, it is what it is. Yeah. I want some, I want some cotton candy, but you can't just get cotton candy. You can't just buy cotton candy.

You got to know a guy yeah you gotta know you gotta know a cotton candy guy i just it's just fun you know fucking insane man you notice that there are do you notice that there are guys that catch other people's cracking the code and then they steal the code cracker i mean i don't know yeah maybe it's hard to prove right but i don't know yeah maybe some what's your favorite obscure one what's your favorite obscure i like doing willem dafoe oh oh my god how do you even do that okay just i i just i i just want to ask you a few questions so um but what do you like to do for fun i do it out of uh willem dafoe from american psycho you know he's a detective yeah he's like so um what do you got where do you go to eat and then patrick bateman christian feels like lucy's the sky room johnny's

don't you already know all this and he goes i just wanted to know if you knew this and he goes i just wanted to know if you knew so you just sit at home and can do the whole fucking movie no i just there's certain ones like speak to me more certain ones grow on me you know certain ones i can are in my wheelhouse i can't do everybody just certain ones kind of come in like david attenborough, I don't even know. Okay, okay, I know who that is now. Oh, a snow finch. A mercurial creature and still not yet born. This tiny speck of dirt is not just a speck of dirt inside a mustard spiders

millions of them you know guys when we were on snl oh one to oh four oh one to oh four and how much did they use you i wasn't pretty good for you know first few years you know um not all the time but you know update a lot because i would just think that you like like that's the they could just write anything and then i will stick willem dafoe in it i always felt like the impression guys had the best shot of getting on that show. Yeah. And that is what got me on. I think, you know, I, I got to do like, you know, a bunch, bunch of different ones, you know, I'd, I would read one at the, at, you know, the read through and so the table can maybe kind of hear it for maybe next time and then yeah they would kind of put me in different sketches

so you were in like at the height of will ferrell he was on his way out then bill hater and those guys came in yeah will ferrell's last year was my first year wow i remember what was that like being on the show with him man that guy's just the king it was great great just to watch him watch how he behaved and how funny he was and cool and yeah he was a great guy to to mirror or try to mirror a little bit you know would he crush it at those table reads oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah who uh could you can you do impressions of the people you were on SNL with? I could do Daryl a little bit. Daryl Hammond's interesting.

You know, it's like a whole thing. You know, the mafia was, for years, they had wild embargoes and these weird parties. And, you know, it's kind of weird because I think stand-up is, you know, I don't know what's happening with it no but seriously it's like you know it's like you know the gaudy family was for years trying to trying to infiltrate you know these massive extinctions of propaganda i don't know if that sounds anything like them by the way massive extinctions of propaganda.

I don't know if that sounds anything like him, by the way. No, it has his essence, though. Essence of it. Yeah, I don't know if the voice quite sounded like on that one, but the essence of it is there. That reminds me of, yeah, the first time I saw him doing stand-up. Who do you like that does impressions? Like, who do you go, man, that guy fucking kills it? Josh Robert Thompson. who do you like that does impressions like who do you go man that guy kills it josh robert thompson

um uh evan ferrante does an amazing tom cruise there's um there's a lot of guys out there um obviously uh kyle dunnigan is great and oh god kyle's a friend kelly ando and yeah what was the one that the the the most recent one that was just so, I would think amongst impressionists, the obscurity slash level of difficulty, sort of uncharted waters of people that you've seen. Anything stick out that you just saw somebody doing with like, oh my God.

Oh, that's a good one um let me think well dunagan's always surprising me you know he's always doing so many new his like his his biden i thought was just fantastic you know um you know just to do something different with it and uh you know i loved I love this Ray Liotta. Yeah, as really as awesome. It quit fucking smoking with chantix. Yeah, yeah. With the cigarette going in and out of

Yeah, going in and out. He's smoking while he's doing it. Ain't fucking say well fucking green screen it up. Yeah. Come on, Kevin. Massive. You see when when someone cracks the code do you go fuck it was the lip and you're like shit it was right there or do you go uh they missed it yeah it just depends on what what impression it is if it's like if it's been how much it's been done and how you feel about it yourself what you can do with it

like as far as making it funny i don't know just just depends just depends um i need to try so i want to try to do biden i got to figure out how to do biden so that's that's the answer to your question i don't yeah up against that like everyone's version of them but i just watch interviews and i just like watching interviews are the best you know to try to get down an impression yeah wow you know what's weird is just how like that i i've always amazed at like when somebody's president and then they're not president like they go away like a boy band yeah except for bill clinton that guy just you know he's a hound so he's always sniffing around the parties right but like everybody else it's just like i don't think i think i've seen george w bush like three times

since he was president at one time because he was hanging out with ellen like he just they just go into the ether yeah and it's just like you are so like maybe like burnt out and just the level of fame that that is and then no matter what you do 50 of the country thinks you have your head up your ass yeah it's got to be the craziest gig aging the way that they age and all of that stuff I was just thinking that you know we said Biden it was the first time I thought of Trump in a while I know whatever since he left I don't know yeah Do you think he goes in the ether? Trump?

Yeah. No. I don't know. I think that would be so fucking cool if he did that. What do you mean goes out in the ether? What do you mean? Just like, just never tweeted again. I know they kicked him off Twitter, right?

Oh, yeah. Like, you just never heard from him again. I know they kicked him off Twitter, right? Oh, yeah. You just never heard from him again. And I swear to God, and I'm fucking talking, even CNN, after a while, the curiosity factor would get to them, and they would want to go talk to him. Yeah. No matter how, whatever disgraced you are whatever if you just shut the up for a good 10 12 years people will come will we fair to him and they'll come back around so what are you trying to do you're trying to put your life back

together yeah was the time out long enough yeah it'd be funny to see him sit down with that uh was it rachel meadows the one who cried when he got elected really a low point in journalism i always bring that up it's just like jesus christ there's no crying on the news sorry anyway hey do you have a this is gonna sound super obscure do you have impressions of people we don't know that like you grew up with that are really funny um like you you have to have impressions of like oh this is like because like for us i do sometimes i'll do an impression of brody and my daughters did an impression of Brody one time. Yeah.

There's someone that didn't know who Brody was because Brody used to live by us. So if we ever crossed the street, you know, where his Starbucks was, my daughters would always go, Dad, Brody Stevens. And someone heard their impression of Brody and goes, who's that? And they go, it's a comedian. You wouldn't know. And they're like, no, it's funny. It's like if you did an impression of Ian Bagg, it's still funny even not

knowing Ian Bagg, right? Yeah, like Francisco Ramos. You guys know Francisco? Yes. My tongue is too big for my mouth. My name is Francisco Ramos. My tongue is too big for my mouth.

Other girls like me. They all dig me. I'm supposed to go up next. So anyways. Okay. Relief band, everybody. Did you know that a third of Americans regularly suffer from nausea? A third.

What is that, 350 million people? That's like 100 million people. A lot of people. I get it sometimes, Bill. Sometimes when I'm driving in the backseat of a van and I can't see the front dashboard and stuff, I get nauseous. Why do you think it's bad and what do you think causes it, Bert? I think because I get disoriented and then all of a sudden I feel like I have blinders on and I can't see the horizon. Yeah. And the last thing you want to do is puke on somebody you love or a stranger. Because these are somebody you love, they're in your life and you can apologize

to them down the road. Somebody puked on me in a bus one time. Actually hit the woman in front of me, and it ricocheted off of her and hit my leg in my luggage. I was on my way to do a gig in Minnesota. I had to throw out the luggage. But anyways, that's why I'm so excited about our new partner, ReliefBand. Hey, who wants to puke? Nobody. Who wants to feel like they're going to puke? Nobody.

Who wants to puke? Nobody. Who wants to feel like they're going to puke? Nobody. ReliefBand is the number one FDA-cleared anti-nausea wristband that has been clinically proven to quickly relieve and effectively prevent nausea and vomiting, which is great if you fly on planes like me. I don't want some puker sitting next to me, right? Take this shit.

Associated with motion sickness, anxiety, migraine, hangover, morning sickness, chemotherapy, and so much more. The product is 100% drug-free, non-drowsy, and provides all natural relief with zero side effects. How do you beat that? For as long as it's needed. The technology was originally developed over 20 years ago in hospitals to relieve nausea from patients, but now through relief band, it's available to the masses. How it works, yeah, it's amazing. How it works is relief band stimulates a nerve in the wrist that travels to the part of the brain that controls nausea. Then it blocks the signal your brain is sending to your stomach telling you that you are sick. Relief band is the only over-the-counter wearable device that has been used in hospitals and oncology clinics to treat nausea and vomiting.

This year, ensure nausea is never the reason to miss out on life's important moments. Hey, you don't want to puke at your buddy's wedding. Right now, Relief Band has an exclusive offer just for Bill Burt listeners. If you go to ReliefBand.com, R-E-L-I-E-F, Band.com, for all you guys who went to public schools like me, and use the promo code BillBurt, you'll receive 20% off plus free shipping and a no-questions-asked 30-day money-back guarantee. So head to reliefband.com and use the promo code BillB advantage of customers, data caps, streaming throttles, the list goes on. It does. But worst of all, many ISPs log your internet activity and sell that data to other big tech companies or advertisers. To prevent ISPs from seeing my internet activity, I protect all my devices with ExpressVPN. What is ExpressVPN?

It's a simple app for your computer or smartphone that encrypts all your network data and tunnels it through a secure VPN server so that ISPs cannot, cannot see any of your activity. Just think about how much of your life is on the internet. Sadly, every site you visit, video you watch, message you send gets tracked by ISPs or other giant techs, tech giants, who then can sell your information for a profit. That's the reason I recommend ExpressVPN as the best way to hide your online activity from your ISP.

Just download the app, tap one button on your device, and you're protected. And ExpressVPN does all of this without slowing your connection. That's why it's the number one rated VPN service by CNET and Wired. Did you do an impression of Rogan? I tried to do Rogan. It's not easy. Okay. All right.

Okay. I don't really. Okay. Okay. Here's the thing. All right, dude. All right. So that's how it starts.

You start with that little seed of like a cadence, not even words. It starts out with that. That's the bottom layer and then and then there's the the good the good crack is uh yeah like he always takes a uh yeah like he'll always okay all right okay okay okay it's far off yeah this is this is building the skeleton yeah you build the skeleton that way yeah so if you just watched him for like how long couple weeks you could have something i have something for you i could bring something back to you i'm not trying to add to your workload here, man.

I was just curious. No, I don't. Yeah. I mean, yeah, if I had to do it like that's how I did one Bill O'Reilly once on SNL. And that's that was like, can you learn this? And then I did learn it. Really? It can't happen.

How long did you have to learn it? The week? Yeah, just no specific time. Just like try to get this down. Try to see if you can do this one, you know. But I got it pretty quick. Is there someone you can't crack? Like where you go, I've been trying forever and I just can't get that guy.

I don't know. I need to be more aggressive about, you know, like Breaking Bad, like Jesse Pinkman, that one took a little while. You know, if they finally did. You do a little Jesse? Right, bitch. All right. You know, I don't care what you know.

All right, bitch. Don't tell me what I need to know. Okay, bitch. Right? I don't even, I didn't care. Okay. All right, bitch. I don't know.

Do you remember a long time ago, fucking 30 something years ago, I worked in a warehouse and we all, we had an impression of everybody down in the warehouse. People we had never even talked to out in the suit area, what we just thought, and then we built backstories. I never even realized it, but some of those guys that I worked with

could have been comedy writers. One of the guys really had a good ear, and he came up with this impression of this guy, and we all started doing it. He had this weird way of talking like you call his name and he goes yeah what hey it's a jab so we started talking like that and his whole back story was he was a vietnam vet rapist and we used to say I swear to God we would sing this you could do this at work we would sing along to the radio changing the lyrics making it rhyme

singing about his rapes in Vietnam at the top of our fucking lungs loading loading and unloading trucks how old are you like 1920 i remember he was like six six and one day i pissed him off and he threw a punch and dude like i thought he was too far away he was so tall it just kept coming and at the last second i went oh he punched me right in the back of the head dude there was like i swear there was like a person in a workstation between me and him. And all he did was lean forward. I remember he had the keys. And he had one of those fucking little exacto, one of those quick knives.

He had that on his fucking hip. And he had had enough. I was right around Christmas. So every song, if I had a hammer we'd just kick crime that he would commit I don't know but that's the only people I could ever do

I could only do people I ever worked with you know club owners or something like that but then the second I leave after the weekend, I can't fucking do them anymore. Right. Yeah, that happens.

I wanted to be able to do impressions so bad when I started because I could do impressions of musicians if I sang the song. Like I had a great impression of Eddie Vedder when I was in college. I had long hair, and I'd put my hat on backwards, tuck my hair by my ears, and I'd start going even flow! And I could get into it and everyone, like you can't tell

how, I feel like I was strong-arming my impressions. People were like, that's fucking identical! But I think it was that I committed. They felt embarrassed not to like, they're like, he's really committed. You probably looked like him too. I did look like him that the guy from the b-52s i used to do uh this is my impression of the lead singer of the b-52s

singing jane says and i hear jane says done with sergio oh wait does this happen to you all the time jeff people do bad impressions back to you? Like my stupid one about a guy you never met. Ray, how you doing? Yeah. You're just like, oh, I never met that guy. I'm sure that's right on point. That's nice.

Yeah. Yeah. Happy for you? No. Sorry. These are good impressions. There's no bad impression, really, is there? Sure there is.

You don't know the guy, but this is what he sounded like. Does that mean can you do accents then? Can you do like, this is a perfect Russian accent across the room? Not really. I mean, it just depends. It depends sometimes. Sometimes I can do it. This woman we lived next to was really talented,

but she was a fucking character she just said yeah like it was her anxiety thing like you come over you go to talk to her she'd be like yeah yeah yeah yeah as you were talking and my favorite one was she went she said yeah cuz yeah when i talking to her one time, she goes, yeah, because yeah. I'm just like. And I remember when we moved into the house, the guy who sold it said, yeah. He goes, the neighbor says, yeah, a lot. It's a great disclaimer. I dropped something here.

Where did you grow up? Where did you grow up? Walnut Creek,ia in the bay area oh so you don't so you kind of were born without an accent yeah i guess yeah california i could say like a lot yeah i feel like i feel like i wonder if it's harder for people that are like come from like texas and like i can just do stuff can you do is it inappropriate to do black dudes it's a good question i don't know i think you got to get it just right here with the voice if you miss it just ends the makeup yeah you gotta nail that um but i do like east coast yeah i could do this guy

ronnie there's fucking ronnie there's fucking fucking Ronnie, dude. It's like I used to wear pajamas until I fucking realized I don't need to wear pajamas anymore. So I stopped wearing pajamas, you know. That's it, you know. Do you find yourself not listening to people and you just, you're more trying to pick up on what they're doing? Like if you really need like a character. I don't really do it on purpose. I kind of like just naturally study people, I think.

And it just kind of, just something I find myself doing. I just imagine being other people, I think. It's maybe the root of it wow i'm a shapeshifter from another planet coming to get you i'm coming to get yeah what's the name of your podcast the jeff richard show and you just bring on you bring on a comic but then you do the character So, and you just bring on, you bring on a comic, but then you do the character.

Then I'll, I'll basically the guys is I've never had my own show. And each week I get a guest host and that's like me doing an impression and then have the guest. So the guest host and interviews. So you, when you were on with Harlan Williams, that's Harlan Williams, right? Yeah. Interesting. uh interviews so you when you were on with harlan williams that's harlan williams right yeah interesting and then um and like with bill we had louie i did louis what if he had louis on who would you do that's a good question maybe you yeah do bill let's get you down all you gotta do is i want to learn you i don't i don't know if it's i don't know if i'm i don't think i'm ready to do it right now but this seems like the right time let's hear it well i just there was a moment that you said remember when i said

as louis i was like i was like i said what's your relationship with sunscreen? And he goes, I don't have one. And I go, well, you know, they have moisturizer that has built-in sunscreen. And he goes, yeah, that's like shampoo when they put the conditioner and the shampoo together. It's never as good as if you just have the shampoo or you just have the conditioner on their own. That's the kind. My tongue is the worst. I watched Bill's special with my girls the other night. It was really fascinating to watch because Lene is my wife has doubled over isla is isla's things it's hilarious and georgia is laughing but you can tell that her her so like

when he goes out women suck or something and you can tell georgia is 16 her social justice warrior pops up but it as i'm watching it i I'm like, God damn it, man. I bet there is an impression here. Like Bill's laugh, that ha ha. God, I hope I don't laugh like that. All right, you guys work on your impression when I'm not here. This is like fucking brutal.

There's been a couple guys i've seen have done like did it better than me a couple people like just people on the internet like random people yeah um yeah some guy in germany my wife sent it to me and i was just like whoa like he sounded exactly like me fun right it's fun to hear yourself right yeah but you don't listen to too much of it because then you don't want to start like either leaning into what they're doing or stop doing what you're doing you still have to kind of be yourself but you don't you must find that a lot like people like listen i love that you do impression i can't listen to the one that you're doing me. I'm totally flattered, but I I can't be then i'm like Outside of me watching me

Yeah, okay. Here you go. You ready? I'm going to teach you how to do an impression of the comedian bill burr So put a hat on so you look bald bill is so bold then you want to lean your head back And you'll sort of know when you have the right angle right there freaking hold it oh i'm a german and i do impressions of comedians and i shove schnitzel down my dumb face and that's brutal freaking brutal all right not trying to be perfect that's it it's easy oh my god i'm not trying to be a jerk bill that sounds That was fucking amazing. That guy was like... He just copied it.

That was the best one. Not like I watch a bunch of them, but my wife came in going, you got to see this. I thought he was mocking doing impressions in the beginning because his voice was so high up. Then out of nowhere,

which was really a great misdirection then he came in I was just like whoa all right let's see if there's an impression of me no my impression I've always been insulted by an impression of me it's always like me me me me me me me me me me and I'm like I don't sound like that. Well, you're listening to you inside your head. That's why. Don't you remember the first time you listened to a recording of yourself or a recording of your act? I thought my voice was a lot deeper than that, all right?

I thought I was talking a lot slower. I'm going 90 miles an hour. I feel like I sound like I took a hit of fucking helium. Yeah. God. Jon Favreau would be a good impression because i feel like john favaro's got he's super identifiable you know yeah vince baughn john favaro favaro be hard because his energy is like really super super chill like i got to work with him a couple times and even if there's like

a stressful thing going on he's just he's a thinker man he just like super smart and just kind of takes it in like really like uh like i don't know really like measured like um i just remember that because i aspire to be more like that rather than flying off the fucking handle like i want to with this stupid little fly that keeps going by my screen so wait how you you've been doing your podcast twice a week no once a week but i think i'm gonna start doing it once every other week yeah you got to work up the impression yeah it's just too much too much and booking all the guests is you know is not easy

to do and so do you script out pretty much all of your parts or get chunks of ideas or do you just free form it i'll write some questions uh um a couple people helped me with the questions. Kelly Kirsten, a couple people. I get the questions, put them on the board, some keywords. Then I just try not to go to the questions right away. Like with Bill, I don't think we even got it to a question until halfway through or something. No, he was amazing.

He was just riffing the whole time. Yeah. Thanks. Show me what? Show me blood vessels. That's what it is. It's back. I was going up. It's back. He doesn't move anything

but the elbow just about two inches. Two inches on the elbow. And he just does this. Show me laundry man how often like like how many times did you watch the feud before you got that down you just start looking at the man I mean do that's like really like high-level acting I feel like those impressions because I remember the first time Joe DeRosa told me I watched this thing on John Travolta and he showed how each of these different iconic characters he did how they walked.

And I was like, he does the walks to every fucking thing I've ever done. The guy walked exactly like me. Right. And the fact that like character actors and impressionists that you guys get all the way like it's it's unreal. If you fucking zip up just somebody else. I don't know. I don't know how you guys do that shit. My hat's off to you to show you my bald head. Thank you.

You ever do that? You ever do that you ever do that i think you just kind of get into it and just you know just just because you don't have time to think with this show you don't have time to think and you're trying to throw me off so all my friends coming on there they're all trying to throw me off right so so you got that challenge of it and it's just fun though i just really i wasn't trying to throw you off i just no but in a good way but in a good way you're playing you're playing with me you know okay right so it's like you know you're trying to get me to break you know I got one can can I throw out a scenario and a guy and maybe you can do it that's right can you do Dustin Hoffman if he was working security at the Capitol when all those lunatics came in to break in?

They're breaking the windows. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. This is Dustin Hoffman. Can you hear me? Coming in loud, it's Dustin Hoffman. SOS, we got a meltdown, baby. Yeah.

They're coming up the steps. Some them are painted some of them got sticks some of them got little tasers I don't know what to do yeah bitch I'm gonna wait I'm gonna go around the corner and wait I'll be around the corner if you need me dustin hoffman kind of sounds like barry katz a little bit

well you know it's just it is what it is yeah you want me to give you manager manager advice get out of the business get out of the business get out while you can did you ever hear brewer does the best barry cats oh do they were you at one point at one point yeah yeah brewers does i'll tell you what in all all honesty, I do the best Barry Katz, but you have to have enough mind fucks from Barry to get it. All right, let me hear it. Okay, so.

Then I'll do mine. Everybody does a Barry. So this is how Barry always talked to me, okay? So Jeff, you play me and I'll be Barry, okay? Okay. Hi, Barry. Hey, Papa hey hey papa hold on hold on bear with me for a second bear with me for a second all right hey uh you drink last night yeah a little bit why is that the bad i uh you know i drink

because i was i would melt down every time i'd be like yeah i was drinking i mean we got some weed and a little bit of coke jesus christ barry what do you want i'm fucking it's that technique when you don't say anything to someone they just let let them melt down yeah he wouldn't say a fucking word he'd just sit on the other end of the phone and i was like is he still there i remember taking i remember taking a meeting with that guy and on his coffee table he had a book on mind control just right out there in the open let me hear you always call me up he used to call me up like two months after i left him a message on something important when he was managing me and he'd be like yeah bill this is barry katz calling i'm returning your phone call from the carter

administration he did that joke every fucking time from the carter administration listen i'm all over it, covering it. Okay. They decided to pass, but don't worry. You're going to be a big star. Okay, Papa. All right. I'll talk to you again soon.

And then I wouldn't talk to him again for like fucking six months. And I'd call him like a month after that. Wouldn't hear him for four months. Hey, this is very cats calling you back from the Carter administration. He did the same same joke every time oh you're incredibly talented and you're you have abilities that i want to be able to exploit on hollywood i want you to give yourself to me and I'll make you powerful. Good night. I'm still waiting around the bed. Yeah.

I would make sure when you get the check tonight at the college gig, you don't open it up. It's made out to me. And I'm going to take you off my own check. don't open it up it's made out to me and i'm gonna take you off my own check you're gonna be a big star you're gonna be a big star no the thing i love about bert he loves the pressure he got it he i'll tell you what man for as much as everyone shits on barry and i'm right now barry's going people shit on me i he gave me some of those most moving speeches the most moving fucking like just his cadence could get into my head top of yamashiro i want to tell you a story about hideo nomo you know who that is can i tell you what's great can i tell you what's great is is it was one of the best

speeches i've ever gotten the day no more i guess gets traded to the gets traded to the fucking red socks or whatever and he because he hasn't done anything in the first game out he throws a no-hitter do you know know why he threw a no-hitter they didn't see him coming papa no one expected anything from him that's why you're gonna go in and you're gonna book this fucking part you're gonna show les moonbez that you're a motherfucking rock star and then i booked the goddamn part and i'm talking to someone like six years later i'm telling him about bar cats and i started to tell the story and he goes you got the hideo nomo speech too i went fuck i remember one time he fucked me out of money he owed it for me for so long

when they came to pay me back i didn't know what they were talking about i just just keep the fucking money. I don't give a shit. What is it, 75 bucks I did some hell gig for you in New Hampshire? I'm trying to make it right. I'm trying to make it right. Well, Barry, what if you didn't make it? You would have left with my money.

Now that you fucking got all this money. I was protecting our money. You fucking Boston guys, man. I love Barry. I did his podcast one time and I just shit on him for fucking an hour and a half. And I don't think I've ever seen anybody enjoy it more. He was dying laughing. I listened to that podcast.

That was a good podcast. We had a great time. I love Barry. I love Barry. I wouldn't be a business. Oh no. I wouldn't open a fucking lemonade stand with him. That was a joke I said, but I'd fucking hang out with him in a second.

I love Barry. I wouldn't open a lemonade stand. Oh, no. Buddy, I don't know what happened. I came here. All of a sudden, the lemons were gone. We don't have any more money. I just, I'm sorry.

Can you get rid of this stand for me? You're going to be a big star. I'll see you later. Someone told me someone... Earl Campbell got traded to the Saints. Bob Phillips had used him up. He had no hips left.

Career ends there. That's what's going to happen to you here tonight. Your career is going to end if you do that fucking joke sorry was it brewer brewer told me and this was like the best especially like when you're young when you were young client berries he's like papa how about the grammys you want to go and you're like yeah did they invite me he's like yeah of course so when you get there they're gonna have you put on a waiter's suit listen here's the deal you're gonna wait tables for the first 30

minutes and then they're gonna get you a seat it's funny oh he's a character it's he is people that are characters are easy to kind of like I don't think Barry's aware that he sounds like that even he doesn't sound like I'm just doing a bad impression of Brewers amazing impression of him I don't know I'm a one trick pony

I can just get mad at inanimate shit alright well where can uh it's so weird to end these podcasts because nobody has any fucking gigs anymore um the jeff richards show i imagine you can see it on um apple and all your streaming devices yeah just if you go to the jeffrichardshow.com take you from there and uh youtube and spotify and all those things yeah all right last question yo your favorite impression growing up to do no just that you saw somebody do like when i was growing up I loved Vinnie Barbarino and Ted Baxter were my two

favorite oh it's easy to grin when your ship comes in and you got the stock market beat Danny why did you mow my lawn no no no no when he's gone married when he was on Mary Tyler Moore I worked with the guy who had that laugh in the way up top and then coming down it was just was bananas so what about you when you were growing up like what were the ones phil hartman phil hartman and dana carvey ones i loved those those guys um like frank sinatra and um you know all all dana carvey stuff i really zoned in on him as being like the one i wanted to try to be like the most really i think out of every like i think on the mount he's on the mount rushmore. Yeah. Belushi, Eddie, Dana Carvey, and I don't know, maybe Will Ferrell or something like that.

Yeah. So many good ones. There are. There's too many good ones, and I didn't name any women there, so now I'm going to get shit. What about the ladies? Maria Villasenor is really great. Yeah. Oh, my God. Sherry O'Terry. what about the ladies Maria Villasenor is really great yeah listen to this one

Sherry O'Terry Sherry O'Terry was great Rachel Dratch is one of a sleeper I've always said the women Debbie Downer is one of the funniest characters ever Debbie Downer is the funniest fucking I mean it's official I can't have kids

I mean that's's official. I can't have kids. Yeah. I got to say this before I forget the guy who does all the deep fakes, Scott Welsh is doing the deep fakes for a very, very reasonable price. And it's awesome. Oh, for, for yours. Yeah. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, that's awesome yeah I'm gonna need to pay someone to do some deep fakes of me to say some really outlandish to cover all the regular outlandish that I said I'm not gonna let you read his name I thought he was an SNL cast member so I just yeah yeah that's what he's talking about um all right we gotta wrap this I'll be readily waiting for your Rogan impression okay start incubating all right we gotta wrap this thing up everybody

yeah dude I when this fucking thing is finally over you know what I mean thank God for Schwarzenegger Jesus Christ did you see the logic this guy's like tweeting now just fucking oh just google it because i don't want to read it and ruin it because he fucking he just put it perfectly of why you should be listening to doctors hopefully you listen to doctors um all right. Anyway, we have the wonderful Jeff Richards here, everybody. This has been another

amazing episode of the Bill Bert Podcast. All right. Please, please check out the Jeff Richards show

on all your streaming networks. Is that how you say it? All right. We'll see you next week.