The Bill Bert Podcast - The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 51 w. George Lopez

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Bill and Bert prattle with George Lopez....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 hello everybody and welcome to another wonderful episode of the bill yes we are back we are back and better than ever we have uh we got a huge guest on here today an absolute legend absolute let me tell you something i don't like the term goat because it implies there's only one, but man, George Lopez is the goat. I mean, you look at like my goats out there, Bernie Mac, George Lopez. I'll tell you what, Paul Rodriguez, when I was a kid, man, Paul Rodriguez, goat. So it is a pleasure to have you on the podcast. Thank you very much. You know, when I was at the comedy store in the early 80s,
Starting point is 00:00:46 I saw Paul Rodriguez one night with my buddy Ernie, and he was wearing a leather jacket. It was hot as fuck. And he had the sleeves rolled up, and he had this eagle on the back like a sewn eagle. It's a little gaudy. You know, I guess his family is like more from Mexico than mine. And he was so good, like really just so funny, man.
Starting point is 00:01:10 And I remember leaving, walking with my friend, and I looked at him, and I said, by the time I get that good, imagine how good that guy's going to be. And he was never that good as he was that night because Paul, you know, we're not, I wouldn't say brothers, but he was a type of guy that would wing it. His style was to go up and wing it and winging it is very inconsistent, but when it hits, it's like something you've never seen. And when it doesn't hit, it's like something everybody's seen. It's like something you don't want to see. It's like something you don't. And if somebody's seen you for the first time, they'll be like, oh, man, I saw the guy last Monday.
Starting point is 00:01:50 He was amazing. And you want a level of consistency because, you know, at that point you're trying to get people to – Gee, I wonder what that's like. Yeah. You just described being a comedian. You know, one of the big turning points that i learned in stand up was when you have one of those nights where you hit a zone and it just everything works you
Starting point is 00:02:12 just come out saying hello just the greeting is going so well you don't think your material can follow it and somehow it happens for you the best thing to do is to forget all about that show because the next night you're gonna walk out there going like okay i said this and then i said that and then you're gonna be in here and not be present and then it just starts doing this and then you try harder then your mouth gets dry and everybody goes ah must have just been a fluke i mean we saw people we saw people go through the laugh factory that were kind of hot that were getting deals in the 90s, and some carried forward a little
Starting point is 00:02:48 bit further, and then some just died in that room, man, and all the people would leave early, or they would not get the deal after. They were there like that one last, maybe last two steps before kind of either getting a holding deal or getting a deal to do your own show. I saw a lot of that happen.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Did you have deals before you worked with Sandra Bullock? I had a deal with Disney in the early 90s with Sandy Gallen. I think it was Deli Parton's manager at Disney for like maybe a holding deal for like $40,000. And then I bought a volvo 850 and then they called me at the last minute because there was something they wanted me to read and i said i'm not think i'm going in and they go how's that volvo that you bought with the money we got you and i said i'll be right i'm on my way over call me out call me out in the car oh so you one of those guys got the deal bought the car
Starting point is 00:03:46 anytime i got a deal which wasn't a lot i would be too afraid to spend the money because i heard all these stories like oh guys remember those stories burt we we see your generation kind of like took the beach so we learned all that oh this guy got a he got a deal man and and he had a go pilot i mean i'm not gonna say the guy's name but this guy had a show it went and i forget what the happened 9 11 or a super bowl i don't remember what it was and this guy already bought the house the fur coat the whole thing and then like a you know two months later they went like three episodes they canceled it and then he was selling all that shit lost all his money dude i knew guys i knew guys in the late 90s got deals and they put it on the stock market
Starting point is 00:04:36 into the dot-com stuff lost it all there oh um yeah there was a guy there was a guy that had a show on CBS and it had just started. It was just on, hadn't grown any roots yet. And he bought a house at the beach with his wife and they went to get the loan. And the guy says, do you have any collateral? And he brought in a copy of TV Guide. He was on the cover of TV Guide that week. And he showed the guy from the bank the cover of TV Guide. And they gave him the loan. And then like six months later he filed for bankruptcy oh my god yeah no there was a lot of those those uh yeah this guy was on TV and then like a year later I I went on an audition he was working the security booth on the lot. I feel like, you know, back then it was real, like now you can save yourself. You have a podcast, you got this going on. But back then,
Starting point is 00:05:31 dude, it was like, there was no way into the league unless they tapped you with the magic wand. And if that didn't work, when you were out, you were out. You went all the way back down to the pavement. You know what? It is like a machine. If you went to the sewer in Palisades and you got in and you took this wonderful trip and then you ended up somewhere in the LA River just surrounded by shit, you saw people go through it. Once you went through it, it was almost like you could never recover. I know a lot of of guys i played golf with a guy that had his own show on abc got canceled had a chance to do a reoccurring part on another sitcom on abc and his manager told him not to because he says hey man you know you're still hot you could
Starting point is 00:06:20 get another show that character filmed 100 episodes and he turned it down and i don't think he's recovered to this day from that decision oh dude i knew a couple guys like that and the big thing is is you have to let it you got to be like a relief pitcher you know the guy just takes you all the way out to the park and like you gotta be like clements yeah give me another ball and you have to forget but like dude i saw guys uh this really isn't the angle i was thinking this was gonna go but this is really interesting no it is interesting because you mean you know it's people some people people have seen and they disappeared some people that were hilarious and great that nobody will ever know yeah but the thing amazing thing about your career is like
Starting point is 00:07:01 you on like so many different platforms where now I think it's easy to kind of be like podcast is basically doing a radio show on the internet but back when you got a radio show you had to get a radio show back when you had a tv show it's like yeah you you had to like there was like that was a small group of people that could actually it's like the beginning of sports leagues when there was only 18s there was only so many spots now it's sort of like infinite but you kind of you crushed it on the stand-up then uh the sitcom and then radio and i remember coming out for pilot season remember that shit i remember hearing you on the radio going this guy is really great at this too so i think that that's one of like the keys to your
Starting point is 00:07:47 success was no matter how uh good you are you're still as you said getting you know get spit out into the ocean at some point if you can like get over that reinvent yourself pivot go in another direction how did you handle um because even if you have like a hit sitcom like you did when that thing ends the stink on that is like oh he already had a show which is weird because it's like yeah i showed that people like me and i can i can carry a show but they're like yeah we want something new something different how do you like navigate stuff like that? You know, that was, that was a, it was a big deal because, you know, no sitcom with like a Latino family, you know, not AKA Pablo went like three episodes. And there was some other people, Viva Valdez and Sanchez of Bel Air and shows like that. And it kind of really disappeared.
Starting point is 00:08:42 And then when Sandra came to see me, Sandra Bullock, and we started to sit down, I remember seeing Tim Allen at the Indianapolis Comedy Club before his Showtime special came out. So he had that act with the power tools and all of home improvement was in that hour that he was doing. And he was incredible man like so funny from the beginning to the end and it was the same every night like i was different every night i started different i was very very strong at that point or you know and that dude was just by the numbers so when you saw him he was consistent and when i started to put that idea together for the first show I was blessed that
Starting point is 00:09:26 I had somebody that was a movie star at the height of her popularity who was a little disillusioned with her career and life because she heard she had just lost her mother so here she was you know Miss Congeniality and she lost her mother and it just didn't seem as fun and it wasn't real and she needed to kind of go and mourn her mom and her dad was still alive her sister was there so when she saw me she saw like a person that was joyful and she's like man George is like so happy with any little thing that it kind of reignited my opinion of the business because here's this guy that is just so happy to, to be having, to having a bat. And, and I, you know,
Starting point is 00:10:11 hadn't turned on anybody and I was really happy and I was working really hard. And when we got Bruce Elford, who was doing Drew Carey at that time, you know, it kind of, it wasn't automatic, but it was just a good time to be talent because Disney and ABC, I mean, it was ABC. It was still about the talent and not about the numbers. I saw it become about the numbers after my show got canceled, but it was still about the talent in 2000, 2001. Meaning that even if it didn't start off with the immediate hit, they were willing to kind of ride with you to see if you could build an audience. maybe were on once or were even in promotions for the upcoming season. Some shows started in October after World Series. So you were in promos for a show that never, it just, nobody wanted to
Starting point is 00:11:13 see comedies and it just, they all evaporated, they all went away. And in 2002, the pilot script was really strong. And we had a meeting at Warner Brothers with ABC on the phone and they said, well, you know, what do you guys want to do do you want to go mid-season or do you want to wait till September and nobody would answer and they looked at me and they said what do you think and I said I said let's let's go right now I said fuck you know let's wait let's it's better to find out now than to find out in September and we went and started writing we put this great group of writers together that bruce knew like almost like a dream team of writers and abc said you have to retain you have to retain
Starting point is 00:11:51 85 of the audience in the four episodes that you're on april of 2002 and we retained 93 of the audience and we got picked up. And then we got the front nine. And then as Bruce Alford was telling me that if this show got picked up, I would become the most important person on the show and not him. Somebody knocked on the door and they said, Hey, the president of ABC wants to talk to me, wants to talk to you. And he said, me. And they said, no, George. And he goes, you see, it's happened already.
Starting point is 00:12:27 You must've been, Hey, we got picked up. That's cool. Yeah, and that was kind of it. So, you know, my thing was that whoever was, you know, I like sports. I like boxing. I like competition. And my thing was whoever was against me either at the midseason or in September, I would take as a personal threat against my career and my show.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Who was it? That was Alicia Silverstone had a show. Daniel Stern was a show called Daniel that only went two weeks. I auditioned for that. Yeah. I auditioned for that. That was a good idea. And then toward the end, American Idol was on.
Starting point is 00:13:05 And I beat American Idol in San Antonio, which nobody did beat American Idol anywhere. And then one time somebody was reading this this article about shows that had to go up against American Idol. And then the guy remember reading the last sentence and he closed it and he goes, fuck, I wouldn't want to have a show that's up against American Idol. I said, my show's up against American Idol. And I survived. I survived against American Idol for like three years when everybody else disappeared. I love that you still remember. I can see how like laser you were like, all right, I got to take out American Idol.
Starting point is 00:13:37 I wish some of these younger kids could have seen like as much as it was way less opportunity. like uh as much as it was way less opportunity there was something so surreal back in the day when you had like an audition and you went on to uh one of the lots and you just saw all these tv shows it was you would walk i remember walking on to cbs radford and seeing like a parking space and there was it said seinfeld and there was a porsche sitting there and it's like oh my god he's here and he's working on it up like some like i didn't know where but i was like that's happening there and i remember there was uh like sybil shepherd had a show there's just everybody like that was back when the show was just called your name it was like lopez you know sybil seinfeld claghorn they had had all of these things and so many of them were comedians and you were just walking
Starting point is 00:14:28 around. It was such a weird time. It was cool and it was also like, I don't think I want to do this, but this is the way the herd is running. I didn't have any desire necessarily to have my own sitcom, but you just sort of got herded
Starting point is 00:14:44 down. Your agent would agent be like I got you this audition and you didn't have anything else going on so you'd go down and try out for him when I started writing the show in 2001 like August of 2001 and then we shot it in like uh the beginning of March 2002 and I would walk onto a lot of Warner Brothers and I had to park in the Midway right there because I didn't have my own show or I was just kind of working there writing and the trams would go by and nobody would say anything and I'd be like in my head I'd be like
Starting point is 00:15:12 you know one day these fucking things are going to stop they're going to be like hey there's George Lopez and you know I just need to I just need to zero in on something and then in 2002 2003 like the Jordan documentary. You just take everything as a personal.
Starting point is 00:15:26 I needed somebody to inspire. Yeah. And then they would say, hey, there's George Lopez. And I would stop and take pictures with him. I'd bring him inside the set and I'd show him around. And, you know, I need. Yeah, you're right. I think I needed something to zero in on or else.
Starting point is 00:15:40 I'm not sure if I would, you know, like fetch. You go, you see see something you go get it what point did you get like the parking spot and there was the sign like this sign yeah because in the beginning they sort of give you like the cone it's a number yeah the wood and that piece of paper sitting there remember that did you just stick it down there and they're like oh man they don't believe in this show at all that's what they do now. That's what they do now when you do it. But, yeah, I think after the first season, it had a number, which was my number, and then it had my name and a post.
Starting point is 00:16:15 And if anybody would even pull in to, like, maybe drop something off, they'd get shooed away by the guard. Every stage had a guard standing out front. And, you know, you get all that stuff, man. I mean, that stuff is, when you have your own show, with their name on it, it's wild, man, the things that you can get. When did you feel financially comfortable? Man, I golf, and in 1999, I went up to Pebble Beach to work at the Monterey Cannery Row or the Monterey Peninsula Club, whatever.
Starting point is 00:16:55 I can't remember. And a lady got me on Spanish Bay and it was $200. And I was like, $200. It was great. And then I went to buy some souvenirs at devil beach and I bought two t-shirts and a hat and it was a hundred bucks. And I remember laughing, walking to my car going, I just spent a hundred bucks on two us open t-shirts and a hat. And, uh, and, uh, three years later I had a house there.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Holy shit. Wow. And three years later, I had a house there. Holy shit. Wow. I made so much money the first year that my accountant said, have you guys ever thought about owning a second home? And I said, yeah. He goes, well, I think it would be a good idea to put some of this money into buying a second home. It's crazy or else they're going to take it.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Have you played Pebble Beach? That's the thing about money. It's like if you don't put it in play, they they're gonna take it have you played pebble beach that's the thing about money it's like if you don't put it in play they're gonna put it in play by taking it from you oh you just they won't they just won't let you stop running man i mean oh taxes i mean just unbelievable you know what in the mid 90s i, I owed $65,000 in taxes. And I remember looking at my accountant, and he's like, what's the matter? And I said, I want to fucking shoot you, man, because you've been negligent in your fucking job. And now I owe money for you doing a fucking bad job with my money. And he says, are you threatening to kill me?
Starting point is 00:18:20 And I said, I'm not going to kill you. I said, I want to. You asked me what I was thinking. I said, I want to fucking kill you i said i wanted you asked me what i was thinking i said i want to kill you and then uh you know just fire him and get a better account i did i fired him yeah but you know when you started to make a little more money you know you go as you go you don't have enough you go to another guy and i didn't really have a lot of money there i just he just was lax and then i remember you know writing checks for $2.5 million to taxes. Oh.
Starting point is 00:18:50 And were you just working like crazy at that time? Because you got the sitcom. And then you also have road jobs where you can go out. And at that time, if I'm not mistaken, at that time, I don't think there were very many comics selling theaters. No. Then we went to arenas by myself. And then, you know, the first hiatus from like 2002 to 2003 was the first year the show was on.
Starting point is 00:19:17 And when we came back in August, I remember what the mother said. I went to Bali. And then the wife said, I went to Tahiti with my fiance. And then they had gone to Costa Rica. And I toured all summer and came back ready. And all the hiatuses, they traveled and I toured. And then I was in the Forbes list like 2005, 6, 7, 8. Oh, man, dude.
Starting point is 00:19:43 I remember all of that shit. I remember like all of those old guys that had like the sitcoms. We used to sit there and talk about you guys going and anytime
Starting point is 00:19:51 there's a hiatus, they just go to Vegas and they do fucking valleys and do four shows and they make another episode worth the money. And it was all about like, dude,
Starting point is 00:20:02 I remember that week when Tim Allen had the number number one movie the number one sitcom and the number one book all in this he had like the triple crown and you were just driving through la and it was just like tim allen billboards it was like toy story uh whatever his book was called. Men Are Pigs and Home Improvement. Yep. You wrote a bestselling book. Printing Money. Why Are You Crying, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:32 Yeah. And I was Why Are You Crying? And we went to the book premiere. It was on the New York Times bestseller list. I hadn't imagined. And then I went to Cartier and I bought myself a watch. And my wife's like, what are you doing? I said, I I bought myself a watch and you know my wife's like what are you doing I said I'm buying myself a watch oh okay so every time something good happens
Starting point is 00:20:49 you're gonna buy yourself something I said yeah why wouldn't I and then uh we went to uh we went to the Bahamas and I was playing golf by myself and this guy dark man, one of the darkest people I've ever seen, man, like goes by and the tools are flying and the dirt's coming off the side of the road by the golf course and he looks over and he goes, and all this dust thing, he puts it in reverse. And he comes onto the golf course
Starting point is 00:21:24 and he sees me and his eyes are all red, this red tongue. And he looks at me and he comes on to the golf course and he sees me and his eyes are all red this red tongue and he looks at me he goes why are you crying man the name of the special in the book that's not fucking hey man he backed up he saw why are you crying man and i was like jesus that's that's that's heavy man so when did you after that when did you do the radio show because i thought that was the late night it was the first one no the radio yeah that's what i thought because i was i was out here during that time and um and in 2001 this is how things work out in life man like you know uh i got fired on uh uh august like the 12th and 13 14 august 15th i was supposed to go to warner brothers to start working on the show and writing the show
Starting point is 00:22:13 so i was already figuring like how am i going to do it man like work on the radio in the morning and i go work all in the afternoon to do the show and then after 10 o'clock, I think I went somewhere where I left the studio and came back. And as I came back, they had a cardboard cutout of me in the lobby. And somebody was carrying the cardboard cutout under their arm. And I saw it go by. And I thought, that's probably not a good sign that my cardboard cutout, somebody has it under their arm. And I got fired. Why did they fire you? They had a guy, this guy Steve Smith or somebody from Arizona
Starting point is 00:22:51 that would flip stations. So if that was like a mega station, he would flip it to like a classic rock or they would flip classic rock to like more of an oldies format, and he was known as a guy that flipped stations so as they fired me through the glass warner brothers is right there off riverside was this radio station and i could see and i said that's all right i'm going to go right there uh monday and start working on my on my show i told the guy that's all right was that guy like one of those clear channels yeah like one of those clear channels yeah guys roy loughlin remember that part right there yeah
Starting point is 00:23:33 i i had built up all these relationships before like the internet and all of this stuff like you had to build those relationships and i still you know i still like randy bauman and in pittsburgh like i still the guys that survived but it was just like if you got in and you killed on the hot radio show like you could i mean those guys maybe not the first time but the second time you came to town you could they could they would build you like randy bauman in pittsburgh used to let me come in on like a tuesday and i would do i would have no show till like thursday and i would just be there doing the remote like come in monday night night and do the morning show and he goes I guarantee you you do this this time and then the next time you're gonna sell that room clean and it was uh it was a really hard room to sell it was one of those improvs it was like 400 seats it was in this location that was sort of like you know it was
Starting point is 00:24:20 I remember you drove in it was only one way in and one way out, and the traffic was horrific. So it was a real tough ticket. But then when those Clear Channel guys started coming in and all of these friends and relationships that I had built, and they just all fucking went away, and I was just like, how the hell am I ever going to promote my shows anymore? And then MySpace came up. Right. And they didn't even have djs after a while it sounded like a guy was in there but they'd have a guy track stuff on the weekends and that was like monday through friday the guy yeah their goal was they wanted
Starting point is 00:24:56 to have one radio station and four djs and then and then they would broadcast that out at different times and what they didn't understand is like like the morning radio shows back in the day when people listen to radio like that was the local guy living there and talking the sports and bitching about the traffic or saying hey man this band came into town last night i saw him you got to check him out there and they got rid of all of that and it just became – it really failed, and it ruined a lot of careers. What about when they would say, don't say Pittsburgh because we're everywhere?
Starting point is 00:25:32 So you're like, oh, okay, don't say L.A. because, you know, we go everywhere. You could do it on this break. Say it on this break. But on the next break, we're all on the... It was weird. It got weird there for a while. But for a while in that, that was the best way to sell tickets was the radio.
Starting point is 00:25:53 It was a beautiful relationship between radio and disc jockeys and comics. And a strong, like all the old days of like, you know, you could see like with Elvis and going to town and being on there and being good and then seeing the difference that night or the next time or the next time when you came. Yeah. And you could, and you could, I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but you could double dip. Cause you could go in and do the morning zoo and then do the Spanish speaking onespeaking one i remember working with a mexican comic in miami and they had me go do the white stations and he did the spanish-speaking ones and dude all we sold were spanish-speaking tickets that's there was not one white person in there i mean
Starting point is 00:26:35 that thing was flood pitbull was there when i toured with uh charlie murphy rest his soul and donnell when we did the rich tour there was a couple places we went to they sent them to the you know the power 106 and the hot 97 stations and then they'd send me out to some you know oldie thing and uh but they they would like maybe sometimes would bid charlie and don l immediately to the white station but they would never let me go over they it was it was like. It was like the 1960s. Radio was still segregated. You'd go on and be like, so you're on the Chappelle show. What is that?
Starting point is 00:27:13 The station that I was going to. Wow. You toured with Charlie Murphy, right? Yeah, man. I was the one that had the idea to do the statue for Richard Pryor. And then I, you know, asked the guys and I really didn't know Charlie. You know, he had done my my talk show and he had done, you know, really well. And I knew from Chappelle and how, you know, great he was.
Starting point is 00:27:38 And, you know, I met him, signed this book for me at the show and he did great. We talked after and I thought, man, that's, that's a good dude right there, man. And when we started to put the comedy get-down together, I asked him, and then I asked, you know, Cedric and D.L. And D.L., it's funny, man, because D.L. was a little bit on his ass. He was doing a lot of clubs. And I remember I called him, and he he said let me check my schedule and I thought oh that means no and then he was in Seattle and he and he canceled two shows to get to get to Peoria
Starting point is 00:28:14 and I remember the girl that worked for him said you're going to cancel two sold out shows to go to Peoria to do a fundraiser and he said, there's just something about this that tells me that I got to go and do this. And he did. And then Cedric was going to be in St. Louis and he said, let me check my schedule. I said, man, these motherfuckers man, why don't you just say no?
Starting point is 00:28:37 And then I asked Charlie, so I had three dudes and listen, I love Eddie Griffin. I had three dudes and, and, and listen, I love Eddie Griffin. I never told the story and I'm on my way to Dodger stadium and my phone rings and it's Eddie Griffin. And I look at the dude that I'm glad. So why would Eddie Griffin be calling me? And he answered,
Starting point is 00:28:55 like, yo, cause Hey, I heard you're doing a show for my daddy. And I said, yeah, yeah. You know, I want to be part of that. And I was like, let me check my schedule. And I love him, man. He was, you know, that was some interesting. Eddie is, I talked to him twice. One time I was doing these interviews, and I don't think I learned anything, got a better understanding of him after sitting for two hours.
Starting point is 00:29:23 And then I remember calling Charlie and going, hey, motherfucker, you ever get an invitation for just you? And you bring somebody and they're like, oh, no, the invitation was just for you. He's like, you know, I go, when I invited you, the invitation was for you. It wasn't plus one. And he said, oh, fuck, I didn't know.
Starting point is 00:29:42 I said, no, it's cool, man. I mean, you know, it's cool. And he said, oh, fuck, I didn't know. I said, no, it's cool, man. I mean, you know, it's cool. I love, you know what? I get to the arenas way fucking early, like 5.30. Shows at like 8.30. I get there at 5.30 and I play music and I just, I don't know, man.
Starting point is 00:30:00 I just feel more comfortable there than sitting in the fucking hotel room or, you know, I don't really kind of mingle before. So it just seemed like a better, I jumped rope in there at some times and I, you know, would fucking walk around or do whatever. And he would be, he would get there first and he would always walk in and smoke weed in there and then tell me some stories. And I think there's nobody, nobody made me laugh harder. And I don't think I've loved the dude more than that guy.
Starting point is 00:30:29 Yeah. He's a beast. I saw him way, way, way back in the day. I saw him in eight. First time I saw him was 88. And he was opening for Dice Clay.
Starting point is 00:30:39 And nobody knew who he was. And I didn't understand, dude, he was my age. That's what I didn't. Because in my head, because I age people by when they started in the business. Yeah. So he started like five years ahead of me.
Starting point is 00:30:52 So I'm thinking he's roughly five years older than me. He might even be younger than me. I remember him opening up and we all booed. And he said, yeah, that's the funny thing. Because people talk about that Philly shit with me. It's kind of karma. Because we were there like, were there like boom bring on dice and he stood up there fuck you motherfuckers ain't going anywhere and be like god i guess he's not leaving then he did his act um so yeah so i remember um yeah all you guys being at charlie's funeral and
Starting point is 00:31:22 everything that was uh what i loved as sad as it was, was Charlie was a New York legend, and you guys gave him a legendary send-off. I mean, this is so crazy. You get to this age, you start saying, you know, what's the best funeral you went to? So Charlie's, Patrice's, those were like legendary. I remember Patrice's was so funny. When the priest came up at the end, he tried to be funny. Like we had totally shifted his mindset. I can't say we because I didn't speak at it.
Starting point is 00:31:55 But like the guys that went up had totally shifted his mindset. And he was, you know, was probably gonna do some heartfelt thing. And I know he died young and blah, blah. He went up there and started to try to tell jokes, but he quickly felt this going like, oh, man, don't do this. Something happened at Charlie's. It was a perfect amount of funny and sadness, and then I think a woman went back up there and spoke at Charlie's,
Starting point is 00:32:24 and it just, oh, man, we're like, oh, no. She only spoke for like an hour. I remember Charlie's kids going up there. Yeah. It was one of the best jokes for the night. Yeah. Saying, my dad was in the service. I don't know if, what was the joke called?
Starting point is 00:32:42 I don't know if he learned how to curse in the Navy, but he definitely swore like a sailor. We all sit there going, Hey, that's pretty good. I probably butchered it, but I was, um,
Starting point is 00:32:53 really impressed with that. But, um, he told me one time he was trying to discipline them and they would laugh at him. And he goes, man, you know how fucked up it is,
Starting point is 00:33:02 man. You try to yell at your kids and they're fucking laughing in your face. And I said, I can't imagine. I go, but look at them. You probably leave the room and they probably say to each other, we just got yelled at by Chet and Matthew. I said, you know, so when your name is like a font, of course they're going to laugh at you because they see. Name is a font. You're sure you're their dad, but they're seeing laugh at you because they see you're sure you're you're their dad but they're they're
Starting point is 00:33:27 seeing what we see it's and it's funny yeah i remember he used to charlie used to come in the limo and he would we i remember me and donnell kept teasing him because he'd always be talking about martial arts and we were like oh you're one of those strip mall tough guys like have you ever had a fight so he started bringing in it was like yeah okay you're gonna throw this punch down but we knew he was we knew he knew what he was doing but we were just trying to get him going so one day we were you know this old ass limo that could still play like vhs tapes and it picked him up he's like oh shit and he went back into his house and he came out with a fight tape him doing fucking karate and like 15 years ago and there was one one clip where he was uh they did like a point thing where you'd sort of punch and the judge could somehow tell who's
Starting point is 00:34:19 would have connected first and he kept giving it to this other dude and charlie got pissed so he they fucking squared off again and he just straight it to this other dude and charlie got pissed so he they fucking squared off again and he just straight right drilled the kid the kid went down like a tree and then charlie did like this this this really like this this formal bow got like ejected and shit you heard this woman the woman off from the side of the tape go oh my god oh shit yeah he was he was i've never met anybody like that character he really was yeah man just uh and such a really uh loyal dude and a good dude like he we did that tour and he called me just religiously and the chappelle show went away
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Starting point is 00:40:13 That's stitchfix.com slash Bill Burtt for 25% off when you're keeping everything in your fix, stitchfix.com slash Bill Burtt. Anyway, one of the reasons you're on here to continue the trajectory of your career here is you have a new podcast on the All Things Comedy Network called Oh My God, Hi. Yeah, we decided to do that.
Starting point is 00:40:35 You know, Al Madrigal and you know, you guys had a big part of me wanting to do it and him, you know, staying on me consistently to do it. But it's not as awful as i thought it would be man and you know all things comedy they make it really easy and it's a it's a good time to do it you know because of all this you know the pandemic and you know i did a joke last year the beginning of 20 that got the secret service to come and visit me at my house. They're just like, what the fuck is this shit, man? Where are we that they would fucking come to your house?
Starting point is 00:41:11 Wait, what was the joke? There was an alleged bounty on our former leader. And I said, we'll do it for half. And it was considered a threat. And it went fucking and goes fast, man. And I told them, I said,
Starting point is 00:41:34 it's an estimate. It's not a fucking threat. It's an estimate. Fucking find somebody to do it cheaper. Fucking get them. And it fucking blew up. Fucking Fox, all right wing. This, that, see Bannon, all the conservatives. That's why.
Starting point is 00:41:51 Because I was wondering, because they know you're a comedian, so then they had to put on a show. They had to go to your house. I never apologized. I just said, fuck it, go. Oh, shit. Yeah, just talking to me. You guys didn't like that one?
Starting point is 00:42:05 Classic setup, punch. Classic setup and punch. And, you know, they came down and, you know, I don't want to disparage, you know. But, you know, there's so many threats that, you know, when they leave, you're like, they're almost like DoorDash. Like, there's so many of them, you know, that for threats, they they they look at every threat well you you can't have i don't know i'm gonna i'm one more don't talk yourself into having more visitors here terminal island yeah i'm cool but it's been fun it's been fun to do it and you know brian kellen who's with me uh you know we we've known each other for like 20 years and he was the one dude i mean you guys
Starting point is 00:42:45 know that the one guy that you know when things go well very few people reach out but when goes bad they're like hey what happened man so he was the one of the few people in my life that reached out when things were going good so when i needed an opening act i thought well who would i want to spend my time with it that guy that guy literally is probably my best friend. And I've known, you know, I'm from L.A. I've got people here my whole life, and he's probably my best friend. Does he golf? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:14 I told him, man, when we first started getting together, I said, listen, man, you want to see me? You better fucking golf, dude, because you'll never see me for two hours a night. I was wondering why I never ran into you. No, never. I don't golf. Look at me. I know, man.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Shit, you'd blow up out there. Bill, you've got the complexion the sport was made for. I can get a membership. I just can't go outside. They got all sleeves and all that shit now. Larry David used to wear like a fucking beekeeper's outfit better two gloves and a whole zip thing with the with that fucking mask that you can't see out of with the big hat i finally worked with that guy uh i now with the pandemic i don't know when i would say a couple years ago yeah and he sort of plays like that sort of you know you know what's going on
Starting point is 00:44:05 dude that guy is in great shape he is in great shape when i saw him i go dude you look like a like a tennis pro a former tennis pro it's just like the gla the look it's it's his head his head looks like a founding father but his body looks like a formula former athlete like they they dress i think they layer him on the show. That's awesome. Yeah. He's all muscle, man. He's all muscle.
Starting point is 00:44:29 How old were you when you started playing golf, George? You know, I played on Christmas Day of 1981 on a dare. You know, because I'm an only child. My grandparents raised me. Christmases were shit. So, you know, around 11 o'clock, my friend Ernie calls me and goes, what are you doing? I go, man, you're doing nothing, dude.
Starting point is 00:44:44 He goes, let's go golf. I go, man, I ain't doing nothing, dude. He goes, let's go golf. I go, where? Up here in San Fernando in Sylmar. He goes, it's probably closed. I called them, but they're open. We don't even have clubs. They'll rent clubs.
Starting point is 00:44:54 So we went and we laughed. They sold us beer. We were 19. They sold us silver bullets, those 32-ounce silver bullets. We drank like four of those. We're drunk, laughing, missing the ball, hitting on the water. And at the end of the day, we hugged and we were like, man, this was awesome. And he stopped playing.
Starting point is 00:45:10 And I continue to play. You have a golf open, correct? I do. I've had a tournament for the last 14 years. I had a kidney transplant in 2005. And then I was really sick know, I was really sick and I was just trying to get better. And I remember telling my doctor, listen, I don't want to be the poster boy for kidney disease. I'm just trying to get better. I want to just go back and
Starting point is 00:45:34 live my life healthy. And then when I had the transplant in April of 2005, a day and a half later, when I woke up in the morning, I felt better than I had in my whole life. I was like 40 in my early 40s. And at that moment, 645 on April 21st, 2005, I said. It would be a disservice to leave people sick when you have an opportunity to help. sick when you have an opportunity to help. And that's when I decided to do the foundation and try to help people because nobody, everybody deserves to live a healthy life. I mean, I've drank and I've done a million things to try to fucking get
Starting point is 00:46:15 this thing not to work, but it's still working pretty good. How did that come about where you had to have a kidney transplant? I didn't really know growing up, you know, I knew I went to bed that was a symptom of of it you know um and then my grandmother would say you're not drinking any water after seven o'clock and i do it again five o'clock and then she goes you're not drinking any water during the day and then you're just going like it's not about you know whatever you know instead of taking me to the doctor you can't drink water for fucking april what are you saying you you were a bed wetter yeah because i had i was born prematurely and the ureters like let's say that a normal ureter is like this mine was like that and it and it couldn't drain that i know i almost did that it couldn't it It couldn't, it couldn't drain, right. It couldn't drain right. And it backed the urine into the kidneys and toxified the kidneys.
Starting point is 00:47:10 But bedwetting is a symptom of somebody being born early. Oh my. So I, I thought for half a second, because you were a bedwetter, she made you not drink water and you still drink water and it dried out your kidneys. Oh, okay. No, it backed, yeah yeah and i didn't know that until you know a few years um it was actually after that a that a specialist said oh you were born early born early and i said wait yeah how did that affect you as a kid like how old were you when that was happening man probably like seven you know through it's the scene there's the scenes
Starting point is 00:47:47 of the first open mic right there right there that's what did it my grandmother would say look at your my grandma my grandmother said what's that look at your mattress look like a french toast yeah i was like you know trying to flip the mattress and she's like it looks like a French toast. Fucking awesome, man. God bless her, man. She was my muse. All my shit came from my grandmother.
Starting point is 00:48:12 My whole attitude, everything came from her. Was she, was tough love, old school type of thing? No, no love, just tough. Like she never said, I love you, George. No love, just tough. No love, just tough. Mom's mom. I would be standing next to how do you want not that i'm just came to see that's that sends you outside which did she get to see your success yeah
Starting point is 00:48:38 so i created the mom on my show was this is fucking awesome like the mom on my show was, this is fucking awesome. The mom on my show was based on my grandmother. And, you know, so here I am, you know, writing jokes like 10 years old, 11, writing on envelopes on the gas company bill. She would hold it in my face. I can not, I gotta go in person because you're fucking running out of that fucking envelope. Stupid. And then, you know, you grow up and then you become a comedian and i put her up you know it's on abc we i take her to the taping of the first episode not pilot first episode and it runs long so it's like two o'clock in the morning i'm taking her home and she's silent the whole way we're driving
Starting point is 00:49:17 on the five about to get off san fernando mission and you can see the lights from the you know from from the freeway just kind of lighting her and guiding her. No expression on her face. I said, so what did you think, Grandma? And she goes, Simon, you want to know? That's what she said. You want to know? And I said, yeah, I want to know.
Starting point is 00:49:36 And she just waits like, you know. And then she goes, if I would have known it was going to take that long, I would have stayed home. And I said, that's fucking perfect, man. I grow up and I do exactly what I said I was going to do. And no one fucking believed me. And the one person that was the closest to it said, I wish I would have known it was going to take that long.
Starting point is 00:50:02 I would have stayed home. Fucking awesome, man. My parents at this point, they never see anything that I do. They can't. Like the TV has changed so much. Yeah. And they just don't give a shit. So if anything's on Netflix, they're not seeing it.
Starting point is 00:50:17 It's just like they can't figure it out. They can't find it. Yeah. I've been doing this animated show for like the Family, and they've never seen it. Because people will say like, is that really like autobiography, whatever the fuck it is. It's like, I mean, it is.
Starting point is 00:50:35 And it's like all of our dads, all of our moms, all of us, you know, the lead guy is really kind of more me than it is anybody else. Yeah. But I was just like oh yeah you know they have to they've never seen it literally never seen it my dad called me one time he goes uh you know i was uh i was asleep on the couch last and i know you told me not to sleep on the couch it's bad for my back but whatever it's my house so i'm asleep on the couch right and he goes i woke up at like three in the morning he goes i see this movie and i see christopher walken and al pacino i've never seen this movie so i'm watching for like 10 minutes i
Starting point is 00:51:13 had like two lines in the movie right it just so happened he picked it up and i go because i'm watching i'm like jesus christ there's bill he wakes up my mom he goes christlin lettuce there's bill he's in a movie so he goes he goes that was a really good movie because when that come out i was like like eight years ago i told you to go see it oh he's like well christ you know i'm so goddamn busy i got all these projects going but i was a really so i mean that's like how many options fucking awesome man dude like when we were coming up if you you had two lines in any movie. Everybody saw it.
Starting point is 00:51:46 In any movie, your whole fucking town would go see it. Now, fucking Taylor Negron, God rest his soul, was the pizza guy in Five Times a Ridge, Ron High. Oh. And he was fucking amazing. He was amazing in everything. Everything he did. Totally underrated. Oh, Easy Money?
Starting point is 00:52:03 Oh. Can I call you dad? Yeah, can I call you dad yeah can I call you dad tell you the man tell you bad I'm bad I'm so bad oh my god it's so good man yeah we watched that a uh couple years ago before all this bullshit we wrapped on a movie the star uh Pete Davidson had us all over his house and that's the movie we watched yeah and we were just we were just like just what's so great about that fucking movie is it breaks every rule like you know like that sid field the first 10 pages you got to set it in motion and then act one that movie you don't even know what it's about for the first 40 minutes
Starting point is 00:52:42 and rodney's just doing his act and he can't sit still his legs are shaking and talking absolute beast and the movie still works joe pesci's in it before i saw pesci i play golf with pesci and uh occasionally i'll ask him about it you know hey we're browsing hey we're brother no yeah we're brothers Hey, we're browsing. Hey, we're browsing. I love Rodney, man. Fucking Robin Do. And now you do Rodney and nobody.
Starting point is 00:53:10 Hey, take it easy. And they look at you like, who the fuck is this? I know. My wife still knows it. Yeah. How'd you sleep last night? Oh, I'll tell you. It was a rough one.
Starting point is 00:53:20 I'll tell you. A rough one. Me and my buddy Verzi love that one. You know, I saw Rodney Dangerfield doing a private on a Sunday at Bally's. And I was working over there. I was opening for Sheena Easton. And when I went through the kitchen, the guy goes like this to me. He goes, Rodney. And I go, where?
Starting point is 00:53:40 He's doing a private. Opens the side door. And he does like 10 jokes in a row. So the audience is already on fire. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. 10. You think he couldn't go any higher. That's a story of my life.
Starting point is 00:53:57 No respect. I was like, oh my God. One of the most amazing things I've seen a performer do. You know the tension and release of doing comedy? He would use that. God, one of the most amazing things I've seen a performer do. You know the tension and release of doing comedy? He would use that. He'd probably be like, okay, this is as high as I can get him. Now I'm going to hit him with the catchphrase.
Starting point is 00:54:14 They're going to die laughing. I can bring it back down again and build him again. That's right. I never thought of that. Wow. That's right. You know my Dr. Vinny Boombatz. Yeah. I'll tell you. You know my doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz.
Starting point is 00:54:30 I'll tell you, the fly is pitched in to get the screen door fixed. You know, there's a classic, somebody told me there was a classic review. Some kid reviewed Rodney Dangerfield and said, like, he just seemed nervous and, like, his clothes didn't fit. Like, totally didn't get the act when he's doing the. Yeah. Look at that little thing. Oh, yeah, he did the fucking tie. He just seemed nervous. Oh, Carlos Santana is, like, a huge Rodney fan.
Starting point is 00:54:57 And when Jay Leno took over, he asked him to be on the show. And he said, no, you know, I don't really do TV. And they goes, well, what do you want? You know, what can we do for you? And he said, can you get me every appearance Rodney Dangerfield ever did on the Tonight Show on a tape? And they said, I think we can. And that's what he got him. And then Santana did the show.
Starting point is 00:55:18 Wow. And I would go to Santana's house a couple of times. And he'd go, you want to see Rodney? And I'd say, fuck yeah, let's put it on. And I got him one of those big dolls that you pushed and it was like the microphone like that and it talked hey I'll tell you they're like you know they did the moves I got on one of those I took it to him and then we would watch Rodney I saw Rodney in uh 86 right after back to school like the third time he made it again you know and i saw him with
Starting point is 00:55:47 uh who's that jiffy jeff's gym that guy um jeff nelson jeff nelson opened up and he came out there and just like dude the people had lawn seats that's how big this guy was i saw eddie murphy on the raw tour like a few weeks later after that but i remember he he had like a plant in the crowd Eddie Murphy on the Rob tour like a few weeks later after that but I remember he he had like a plant in the crowd Rodney did the guy yells out he goes hey Rodney what do you do for a living he goes I find dates for your sister okay that's right right he did he did that the night I saw him at Bally's like 10 years after that I want to know who that guy was you know what he was using Dennis Blair he was using the opening act to do it so it could have been jeff out there yeah and you could tell it like years later i figured i was like oh fuck that was a plant because it's the way the guy did it a shill he yelled it out i mean
Starting point is 00:56:36 dude the guy was in front of like 3 000 people so this guy made sure he's loud and i was like hey rodney what do you do for a living? They're just like butter. I find dates for your sister. We were just like, oh, my God. Yeah. Amazing. And I saw him walking to the casino with these two security guards. So these guys are probably like 5'11", like tall.
Starting point is 00:56:58 And this little dude scrunched over. And we go, that's Rodney. And you look, and you're like, fuck, that is Rodney. He's kind of shuffling like this, walking to the casino. And then he walks out with his tie and the red tie and the white shirt and he's a different guy. I'm sure Coke had a lot to, I'm sure he did some blow on it before he went on.
Starting point is 00:57:17 I never got to see him. Who's one person you never got to see that you wish you could have seen live? A comedian? A comedian? Comedian or musician. I would like to have seen Elvis. Let's see. Elvis would be, I would love. I never saw Richard Pryor live.
Starting point is 00:57:36 I would have liked to have seen Richard Pryor. I never did either. Me either. That kills me. That would have been, to see him on stage would have been amazing. I remember I saw, I remember in the early eight when Mork and Mindy was on, I remember on a Monday, there's a connected door between the main room and the original room of the Comedy Store. And we hear this fucking explosion.
Starting point is 00:57:54 We're like, what the fuck? And somebody opened the door and Robin Williams was still in his Mork and Mindy costume, like the khakis and the rubber, the rainbow. And he walked on, he was doing all this stuff and they were going wild, man. I was like, whoa, dude, that's crazy. One night at the UCB, I was doing Jeff Garland's
Starting point is 00:58:13 improv show. Robin Williams popped in and I got to do improv with all of those guys. In the end, Garland had this thing. I forget. Some game was called the combo platter. You would would be sitting down someone would start to tell the story and then someone could interrupt and then take the story somewhere else so i was sitting next to robin and you know there was like a good like the normal space between chairs and even then his arm
Starting point is 00:58:42 hair was still touching me and i remember thinking like oh my god that is iconic army he's been making fun of how hairy he is all of those uh what was the uh the um comic comic relief comic relief sure yeah he used to always do jokes about how fucking hairy he was and i was like it like, you know, he was like a good six inches away. Yeah, really like that. And that arm hair was just. Yeah. I'm like, holy shit.
Starting point is 00:59:10 I remember being in high school, hearing him joking about that shit. Yeah, shit, man. He was another one that was amazing, man. You dodged all the drug, all the drug shit. You kind of just stuck with just booze, right? Yeah. Yeah, I dodged all the, you know, I did a little – what I would do, a little Adderall, you know, alcohol,
Starting point is 00:59:33 not too much blow and all that shit. I mean, one time this guy in Arizona gave me some, and I said, no, I don't really want it. He said, well, go half. I said – and he went half and just took the money, and then he put it in my fucking suitcase. I didn't know until I got back to LA and he sent me a message. He goes, hey man, half of that shit, your half is in your bag.
Starting point is 00:59:49 I said, you motherfucker. The fuck? He goes, ah, they wouldn't see it. It's like a fucking golf ball of fucking coke, man. I still have it. I went to, I took my daughters and my wife to uh to bali and i i bring my cigars with me so you know i got my cigars my cigar case and i'm sitting out by the pool we're in the middle of a fucking rainforest and i pop open my cigars and i got a joint in there i'm like oh shit i don't even know
Starting point is 01:00:19 how to join here i go babe i got a joint and she fucking goes white. I said, what? She goes, that is punishable by death here. I was like, oh, fuck. Oh, dude. They need a legitimate excuse to go through you. That's going to happen. I hate to say this. That's going to happen to a comic. When I went to Singapore, I was thinking about that.
Starting point is 01:00:43 And I was just saying to my wife, are you positive? No edible, no fucking... Nothing. No oils. Because now they got weed. Is there anything in the fucking glass? Yeah, right. If you're a young comic and you're going to Singapore or Bali,
Starting point is 01:01:00 this is what you do. Buy a brand new backpack and buy a brand new bag. And just buy everything brand new backpack and buy a brand new bag don't and just buy everything get a colonic so you can't have anything in your system anything yeah go up naked i got nothing please don't cane me or kill me i just came here to tell jokes don't fuck around over there man hey have you done stand up in mexico ever uh no you know as much as the mexicans left to hate in the united states they hate more in mexico so i think i'll stay in my lane over here yeah could there's a whole there's a whole bunch of comedians in mexico that are successful in spanish you know and i've been a guy that, you know,
Starting point is 01:01:46 I added some bilingual to it, but I'm pretty much an American, you know, Mexican. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know that the big thing is to go down. A lot of guys are doing like Jesus Trejo is trying to translate their act into Spanish. Well, fortunately, I don't need to. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:04 Yeah. I guess. why the fuck would you? Fucking worry about translating this fucking bullshit. It's hard enough to do it in fucking English. I can just do it in English and make millions. I think I'll do it. Oh, fuck that. I'm looking into German. George, how do you do your act in Spanish? I give a fuck, motherfucker.
Starting point is 01:02:23 I've been doing this, yeah. Dude dude that's that classic that's one of the things you know about getting older that's great is you just start being like that like listen i do what the i do i'm happy with what i have you you guys go you go you go run that down i'm not doing you know i'm divorced i spent a lot of time alone. I always spend a lot of time alone. I got a house in golf areas. I go and golf. People try to talk to me. I talk to them. Hey, what's up? Oh, yeah, I'll take a picture with you. And then I golf and women will be like, hey, you want to have a drink later on? Yeah, I'll go down there. Fucking never do. Nobody's going to tell me what to do. Nobody's
Starting point is 01:03:01 going to tell me where to be. And's going to tell me what to think or i don't even give a what they think for the rest of my life hey i gotta i gotta ask some golf questions because i always make fun i always make fun of golf all right by the way i have three i have three golf bags right here yeah a big golfer i took my dad to pebble beach to play right before my last tour it was a big expense expensive as as shit. How many golf bags do you need to buy before you're going to break 80? That's the funniest thing about that sport. How many golf bags do you have? How many sets of clubs do you have, George?
Starting point is 01:03:34 I'm going to guess 10. I probably have more than that. I've given away 10. I probably have 15 at the house. Yeah. You just get them, Bill. You just get them. You just collect them.
Starting point is 01:03:44 You know, my wife said to me, why are you fucking buying clubs? You're on TV, I just started. And I go, you think they just fucking send people shit because they want it? And yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. Yeah, those are tailor-made and those are PXGs. That's how bad it got. I was a Titleist guy and Callaway came out with some, I still a Titleist guy. And Callaway came out with some...
Starting point is 01:04:05 So I called Callaway. I said, hey, man, you guys think you can make me a set of clubs? I love that you're whispering like you're cheating. In the insert. And then 20 minutes later, the guy from Titleist calls. We got a call that you were called Callaway about some clubs. I said, why would I do that? Why would I call Callaway for some clubs?
Starting point is 01:04:24 Oh, no, because are you with us or are you with them? I said, I'm with you guys. What the fuck are you talking about? Did you call Callaway and ask them to make you a set of clubs? I said, I did not call Callaway and ask them to make me a set of clubs. So my friend said that they're making you a set of clubs. That's not you? I said, it's not.
Starting point is 01:04:43 Why would I call fucking Callaway to make a set of clubs when I not you i said it's not why would i call callaway to make a set when i'm with titleless i'm with you guys putter bag ball irons everything woods come on come on carlito i'm in a bag man that's what should have happened he should have pulled the wire out of your shirt all right i asked for some clubs man All right, I asked for some clubs, man. That's one of my favorite. Oh, that's awesome, dude. Oh, that's awesome. In a movie. So wait, what's your golf question, Bill?
Starting point is 01:05:11 I want to get you into golf. I'm sitting in a bag. My golf question is, it's the only sport I've seen where they have to keep adjusting the equipment. Like, they never had to redesign the football so you could throw it tight you could throw the thing or you just find another sport but my thing is i'm not saying it's not difficult i know it's extremely difficult the mental game and all that but the thing about it is is the amount of non-athletes that do play it that drag the curve down about how hard it is to break 100 how hard it is
Starting point is 01:05:48 to break 80 and i just feel like like comics that i know that are athletic if they golf you know on a routine basis can do it so i was wondering like why do you keep what is the thing that makes you keep chasing like how much lighter does the club have to get? How much bigger does the head have to be on the club before you think you can keep it on the fairway? Well, the head can't get any bigger because it's maxed out already. But some guys play to get better score-wise. I play for the temperament. Like, I was really a poorly adjusted kid.
Starting point is 01:06:29 was really a poorly adjusted kid and golf taught me to be calm, to remain calm, to, you know, stay calm. And all of the flaws that I had in my personality disappeared the more I've played golf. I don't resemble, I don't resemble the person I was at 20 or 30 or 40, uh, because I didn't have a father figure that when I cheated I was cheating on myself and when I cheated you know on people I was fucking only really only hurting myself and as you start to realize that you know you can gain peace from this this game that's been played for you know a thousand years and not worry about how far you hit it but worry about how
Starting point is 01:07:10 You react when you hit it poorly just stay calm So can you do the thing because I know a bunch of guys that like oh man the first eight holes I was killing it then I you know, I went to the trap and the whole thing fell apart Do you have the ability the calmness that if you start off with the classic breakfast ball yep and you have a the first hole goes bad either you or do you guys have the ability to be like i shake it up i never hit another one i play the one i hit and um when i when i started when i play bad or hit it bad I just go back to the fairway, even if it's just a 100-yard shot. I just try to get it back to the middle to get some.
Starting point is 01:07:53 And when you figured that out, how many strokes did that shave? Fucking probably eight because if you try to – out of the rough, you know, Bert, you're going to to re out of the rough, you know, Bert, you're going to hit it back in the rough. So I just get it back on the, in the middle of the fairway and try to get up and down. By the way, George is a much better golfer than I am much better. I've never had a hole in one, but that's the only reason I play.
Starting point is 01:08:19 The only reason I play is for a hole in one. The only reason I play is for an eagle for a oh god i can't believe you carried that water that that one tin cup shot is the whole reason i play and and i don't really like i i yeah i don't get it yeah i just i love i love when you you hit something really spectacular and like oh shit you carried that tree oh that's gonna be by the green i think you might have just drove the green that's's, I mean. But you know, Bill, there's a sensation that goes
Starting point is 01:08:49 through the club from the ground and the ball through your arms and to your chest that almost I guess feels like to have somebody come and hug you from behind, I guess, you know. Somebody that you like. And it's what keeps players, like when you hit it on the sweet spot it's this
Starting point is 01:09:06 amazing feeling that you have for just a second might be like hitting a fucking crack pipe in the alley like just and you're like oh you know and then it's gone there's no better feeling than on a sunday sunday afternoon let's say let's say you you, you tee off at 10 AM you're you're it's, it's now 1137 and you're hitting the back nine. And someone says, Hey, you guys want to do a bloody Mary's? And you're like, yeah, I'll do a bloody Mary. And you light a cigar and you just go shit. Everything just peels away that feeling. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:09:42 By the way, I just told you, I just like drugs and alcohol. That's it. I don't know. It's not even the golf. I just told you I just like drugs and alcohol. That's it. It's not even the golf. I got to stop talking to you guys. You guys are going to have me playing. Shit. Yeah, come on, man. Nah, man.
Starting point is 01:09:53 I'll call Callaway and I'll get you some clubs. I got, yeah. I'll be your fall guy. The next time you want some Callaways, I'll say that to me. I'll get you some PXGs, man. We'll get you some real shit. Somebody gave me some clubs and they just sat there i i you know well i will say this when i play i count every single stroke i don't want to gimme i don't want anything i'm trying to shame the people in the foursome by how much they're fucking cheating oh like dude i'll i'll shoot like i'll shoot like a
Starting point is 01:10:26 fucking 118 on the front nine i'm not even joking i don't give a fuck that's awesome and i i kind of go for the whole too i like phil mickelson well you were saying how you try to get back on the thing yeah yeah he just goes he tries to go around shit. Yeah. Well, it's been a great thing to have you on here, dude. And like, I always knew like how successful you were, but to sit there for like an hour and kind of go through your career and to see all the different areas. And back when, you know, it was really limited, limited. I mean, for a white guy it was limited it
Starting point is 01:11:05 was still difficult forget about what you were going up against man it's really uh impressive but uh we do have to end this thing because i don't want to start golfing yeah we'll get you next time burt you and i'll play we'll send him video and he'll get his ass out there i'll be i will go anywhere to go play around the golf i I would love that. You show the Bloody Mary and the cigar. You'll get me there. All right, good. About anything else. Cubans, baby.
Starting point is 01:11:29 Only Cubans. Now you get real ones. Yeah. You got, yeah. Cause there's so many, I gave up on those things. There's so many like fake ones out there. I'll show you some. All right.
Starting point is 01:11:43 Yeah. Jesus Christ. The best guest ever. I got golf golf we got cuban cigars coming yeah shit we can make this happen you got anything to promote coming up um no no not really i mean the podcast yeah that's it okay all right well i hope to see in a mass free world yes man that'd be great yeah it'd I hope to see you in a mask-free world. Yes, man. That'd be great. Yeah. It'd be good to see you guys.
Starting point is 01:12:06 All right. Well, continued success. I mean, you obviously have the formula down, man. I appreciate that. And thank you so much for taking time to come on our show. Absolutely. Thank you, guys. Everybody, the legendary George Lopez.
Starting point is 01:12:16 Right on, guys. Dude, that was fucking awesome, man. Oh, man. Dude, thank you guys, man. Right on. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

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