The Bill Bert Podcast - The Bill Bert Podcast | Episode 57 w. Dan Le Betard

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Bill and Bert prattle with Dan Le Betard about stacked teams, starting a network, and woke media.

all right hey what's going on it's bill burr and burt kreischer on the memorial day podcast it's time for another wonderful edition of the bill burt pod oh and we have a wonderful guest who already came in hot the real hot take about the city of boston oh the white people fuck up in boston because then they get to act like they're not racist and there's no issues in their mayberry live live from the andy griffith show but up we got dan fucking levit tart go ahead Dan uh go ahead what do you mean about how woke you are no you came on the podcast here we interrupted you you were grilling and you didn't want to stop grilling and now you're on the podcast and by way of saying hello I just said that you seemed a little upset

today because we had interrupted your grilling and also because the city of Boston had lost the moral high ground after throwing a water bottle. At the very end, they had done so well. The bar was so low, Bill. The bar was so low. It was just Kyrie Irving said, please don't say racist or do racist things out loud. Like you can keep them to yourself.

And then at the very end, like the game is lost at the very end. It was, everyone almost got out of there safe without any of that making an appearance. And then someone throws very end, like the game is lost. At the very end, everyone almost got out of there safe without any of that making an appearance. And then someone throws a bottle at them. What happened? I didn't watch because, you know, I didn't watch. I don't like watching those Ocean's 11 basketball teams.

Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Matt Damon. We still need another piece. Here comes Don Cheadle. And then they're walking around acting like they're winning championships how mad are you maybe maybe what do you know why the guy threw the water bottle maybe he threw it because we gave up the team to bring him in and he was all moody and we lost all our momentum and we're still trying to rebuild what about that aspect of it there is that aspect there is that aspect of it there are plenty of reasons to be mad at Kyrie Irving in Boston that have no no that's not that you know something dude I want

to know where you live because I'm not saying Boston isn't fucking racist but this fucking bullshit that white guys like you try to do that racism exists only in the south and in Boston Massachusetts is a crock of shit I've been on the road for 30 fucking years and the fucking shit people have said to me and because I got my wife, you know, I got to go home to her and all of that shit. I had to learn how to fucking navigate like knowing the N word was coming and that happened to me in every fucking state. Bar, maybe a couple of cities. So don't come at me, Dan, with, oh, Boston. Who came at you?

All white people look bad. Get the fuck out of here. For the record, Dan Levitar is Cuban, and they are way more racist than white people. Who came at you? Nobody came at you. And I know America is racist. I believe this is you. Well, then stop with this fucking horse shit.

It's like everybody else can fucking do their bullshit Right and then all of a sudden it's just like oh my god How about every time the Lakers win a fucking championship within 20 minutes a police car is turned upside down and on fire What is that an expression of? How well they're being treated out there that is not a an expression of celebration i have ever understood we've all come out it's because they're being oppressed and they're getting pulled over for nothing and getting the shit kicked out of them and that's what happens and then what happens is once again they go down there they're just trying to have a good time because their team won the championship

and then they get this keep it moving fucking vibe that they get every fucking day of their life and next thing you know a police car is upside down. So don't fucking come at me with this, oh, Boston again. Get the fuck out of here. I came at you with anything, Bill. I was saying hello to you. You did with the moral high ground like your heart was broken. My heart is not broken from what happened in the Boston Celtics game yesterday.

My heart is broken as what happened in America over the last year. We come out of a pandemic, and as soon as we do, we're throwing popcorn at Russell Westbrook, we're spitting on Trey Young, and we're throwing bottles at Kyrie Irving after what we just came out of. All right, well, in fairness to me, I don't watch the NBA because I think it's fucking rigged. It's cast like a fucking soap opera.

I think all they try to do, I'm not saying it's fucking rigged. It's cast like a fucking soap opera. I think all they try to do, I'm not saying it's 100% fixed. What I think they try to do is recreate the Showtime Lakers versus the Boston Celtics, which were two teams that were put together because of incredible draft picks and all of that shit. And then they actually passed Major League Baseball on popularity, which was a huge thing back then. That was the national pastime. All the baseball players got all the fucking ad time. And then all of a sudden, all of these basketball players blew up. And then Jordan came in and it took him to 1998. And then there was just this abyss. Bird magic error is gone. And Jordan is gone. Bird, Magic Era's gone. And Jordan is gone.

And the Bulls are gone. Now what do we do? And then instantly you got the Kobe, Shaq, Phil Jackson, Lakers. And that spins it into that's how you win. And then you got LeBron going to Miami. KD going to Sacramento. Whatever. I don't know, Celtics with the big three in 2008?

Like what was, I mean, that whole thing, and then you had KD going to Golden State. You started it, Bill. The Celtics started in 2008 with Ray Allen. No, they didn't. The Lakers did with Kobe, Shaq, and Phil Jackson. None of those guys were Lakers. The last 10 years were started by Ray Allen and by Danny Ainge and Kevin McHale being friends.

And so Garnett and Ray Allen and everybody got together. We were sitting there watching the Lakers win championship after championship, just going out like a buffet, buying free agents and winning titles. So Danny's like, OK, I guess that's the game. And then we go out, we buy one chance. They bought their last six. Bill, you have to be mad at Danny Ainge. He's had all those draft picks forever. Yeah, what are you, Bill Clinton?

The way you just sidestepped that? Which part? What part of it do you think I'm sidestepping? I was just talking about how the lakers bought their last six championships you're objecting to the last 10 years of oceans 11 you're objecting no no no no no i'm saying all the way back to the kobe shack lakers that shack went and left orlando that shack left as a free agent i'm talking about just going around and no salary cap and whoever's got the most money can just buy up all the talent look dude when i was a kid it was the best wanted to beat the best you didn't sit on a

yacht with them and then just go join the team and trounce the league dude even when i always say this dude even when you were a kid even when you were a kid when you were out on a playground and you're choosing upsides, right? Even as a kid, outdoor recess, if it got too lopsided, as kids, you were like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Even as kids, you knew where would the satisfaction be. I like players having the power. There was a general manager arguing in the New Yorker today, an anonymous general manager, arguing in the New Yorker that it's ruined the league and it's been the worst thing in the history of professional sports, that he's

lost his power to the player. I believe in player empowerment. I like player empowerment. In fact, I'm guessing that if Bill Burr wanted to compete on a comedy stage with an all-star team, he might want to put together a couple of his friends if he had to compete in a whole bunch of uh places where terrible analogy you need you need a better analogy than that so you don't you wouldn't want to work with your friends that's all i want to do all-star team what i say the i say the setup and i throw the punch line to to burt i don't know how a comedy all-star team would work i don't know either and i'm a comedian that's why i said it wasn't a good analogy uh okay what are the i don't know you don't like uh performing uh with your friends you don't know either. And I'm a comedian. That's why I said it wasn't a good analogy. Okay. What are the, I don't know. You don't like performing with your friends. You don't like touring with your friends. I wouldn't put together me, Bert and Joe Rogan to go up against a bunch of open micers to see who the best comics in the world were.

That's not what I would do. I would want to face off against the best comics. Okay. Bert, are you still here? Yeah, yeah, yeah, guys. Hey. Side stepping once again. That was a great analogy. You had nothing.

I don't have anything because I happen to like this, and I think you would like it too if your Celtics were winning the championship because they had the three guys. I hate the 2008 championship. I thought that Kevin Garnett trade should have been investigated. Kevin McHale was in the front office. He gives us Kevin Garnett for nothing?

You started it. Oh, my God. The last 12 and 13 years of of basketball being dominated by yeah those rap picks they had all throughout i'm gonna jump in guys boby was a charlotte hornet shack was from the magic phil jackson it's from the bulls i mean it was going right down the buffet table and robert oriola these guys derrick fisher right down the buffet table. Adam Robert, Ori, all of these guys. Derek Fisher, right down the thing. They didn't draft any of those guys.

But, okay, we started. All right. We had a mobbed up ref. You got the commissioner of the league going, hey, what's your dream finals? He goes Lakers versus Lakers. I mean, what am I watching here? How many guys do you have to see? Did you see what's his face? Chris Paul going, I don't know what's with this ref, man. I've lost

11 times in a row with this guy. And everybody's just like, ah, sour grapes. People don't remember the mobbed up ref. They give him the Oswald treatment. Oh, that was just one guy. Kevin Garnett, literally when he was on Brooklyn, goes, yeah, we didn't fit the script that year for the NBA. These are actual soundbites. The mobbed up ref is a true and famously funny thing, unless you're the NBA. I don't think it's funny. I think the thing about basketball, the thing about basketball is it's the easiest, it's the most easiest rigged game there is. It's the only game where the official can take the Tom Brady, the Derek Jeter out of the game.

All I got to do, Dan, is give you two quick fouls. You're on the fucking bench. I give you another one. I'm not going to see you until the third quarter. They can use the out-of-bounds line. I mean, all right, but if you want to sit okay but maybe I don't know the best part about it too is that they convince somehow convince people that that was a a Rogue a Rogue development that that was just one guy and that there's not anybody else doing that

that is was my favorite thing ever because i'm sitting there going if i'm an unoffici if you're an officiating crew with me dan right and all of a sudden i start shaving points or whatever hell i'm doing how long is it going to take you to figure that out i just love that there was other guys in the officiating group and somehow they had no idea that he was doing it i'm going to guess i'm never going to get offered to come to an NBA game after this one. So what's great, guys, is I thought we could get together and talk about Dan's journey and then maybe a little bit about sports. I want to pivot on the sports thing. I was up for that. But before we started, he came at me with the whole, oh, Boston.

Oh, oh, God. That is not how I sounded, Bert. Look, I need you to be clear. Exactly. It's exactly what you did. You lit the fucking fuse, and now you're going to play the victim like some chick on a Real Housewives show. All right, go ahead, do that. Press charges. Shout out to the Real Housewives of Potomac.

charges shout out to the real housewives of potomac all i did was come on here to talk basketball no you didn't i didn't actually come now you did you know what you're doing and you're saying the celtics are the first pile on team you're saying boston's the you know what you're doing you know what you're doing it's great and i took the bait so good on you guys let's get you guys on the same page real quick as two entrepreneurs of entertainment bill with all things comedy dan with your new venture i think you teamed up with the gentleman but i'm curious to know about a little bit dan about your journey from from your your part departure with espn to where what you're doing now because i i don't know if i technically, what you're doing now? Cause I don't know if I technically know what you're doing now. I do know I'm following it, but I know you've

teamed up with someone. I don't know if you're trying to go bigger. I don't know if you're doing the same thing we're trying to do at All Things Comedy, but I'm fascinated by it. Uh, yeah, well, we left the biggest and the safest, uh,. And the story goes back to, you know, my parents are Cuban exiles. They left Cuba for political reasons, came to Miami. And so at the forefront of just about everything that I do is freedom. I never wanted to work for a corporation. And ESPN needed the Latin demo. And so I did a television show with my father for 10 years at ESPN and a radio show. And then we left because a whole lot of things changed everywhere. And so what we're doing now is we're hoping to try and change the way that this is done,

where individuals can go out there. We've teamed with DraftKings. And speaking of what Bill is saying there with mobbed up referees, the gambling money is coming to sports all over. It won't have any effect. It's all above board. If they find a guy, he acted alone. Go ahead, Dan. And so what you end up have happening is in the next 10 years, we're going to feel a little bit more like Europe, I suspect, in terms of just everything that's going to happen in sports and the ability to do things the way fantasy has exploded. And so we've teamed up with them and we're going it alone so that we don't have to have a boss. to have a boss. They are supporting the idea that we can be free and independent and do it away from the comfort and safety of a platform that is super safe. It's got the biggest reach in America

across sports. Now, I want to ask the obvious question, but I don't want you to burn any bridges back. But what was it like to work at ESPN? Was it the classic corporate, you know, every time you make the wrong reference about a home run, all of a sudden you have to go down to HR? Did it become that? Was it cool at first and then it stunk? Or was it sort of the same thing? Or were they just taking too big a bite out of your check? I never wanted to work for any kind of corporation. I never wanted to be with Disney. It wasn't because I knew anything about Disney. I was blissfully naive about any of whatever the reputations are for corporate entanglements. But I went there after many years because the president of ESPN, I wanted to just do a Miami show. I was happy doing Miami newspaper stuff, an afternoon show, and I was

doing Pardon the Interruption and some stuff for ESPN, and that was enough. And so I asked them, or I told them that I wouldn't do anything unless they can make it more Miami than that. And then they let me do a television show with my father, my brother did the art, it's on, you know, Ocean Drive, it's on on the beach. And so they made something that was more Miami than the Miami thing that I already had. And and so in going there, because the president wanted me there badly, they left me alone for for many, many years. And it was free. We were the anti-establishment thing from within the establishment. And then toward the end, just, you know, a lot of things changed in America. And one of my producers was let go, you know, during the pandemic. And I hired

him back because I didn't, we're sort of a small family business, really. We never intended to be anything but a little Miami radio show. And I've seen, you know, my producers have all had kids on my watch. And so it, you know, that part didn't feel terribly, terribly human. And so eventually we just left to start this new thing. And it's been scary and weird and hard. But it's also been, you know, it's been invigorating. I was talking to Bert before we started taping here and just the difficulties of comedy.

Like you guys do the hardest thing. Like stand-up comedy is the hardest thing in entertainment. You're up there with just your vulnerability. You're up there with your writing. You're up there with the expectation of funny, which is a hard, hard thing to navigate. And and you don't have a whole lot of corporate employers providing you the safety. So you become, you know, artists, you become artists. Right. And I'd actually tell you a writer's room is the hardest thing I've ever done, especially after you hammer it for the whole day. And then you send it and then they come back and they're like yeah it's still not working you have to go back it's like watching paint dry because you

don't and you don't get the reward of the fulfillment of the laughter right there's an awful lot of rejection in it at least it yeah i can imagine that it's just it's like this i don't know if you do a needle point you ever see your mom do a needle point she messes up a stitch and she's got to pull out all of this stuff that's like if a script doesn't work whereas like if I'm doing stand-up and a joke doesn't work I get to be like well you know it's funny to me people laugh because it bombed and then I get to plow ahead so I think it's great that you get away from them and that you built your brand on there. Because the thing is, people aren't tuning in to look at the logo. They're tuning in to see

you. So I think you'll be fine. And furthermore, a guy like me, if I started watching your new thing, how long it would take for me to even notice that wait wasn't this guy on espn because i'm going to see your face and hear you talking and i'm just oh stan libertar show i never like watch shows because of what platform they're on it's like if it's a good show like yours i'm just going to watch it but those four letters they have a brand recognition i don't know where you guys would put it in america but when i say espn in terms of brand recognition like that's just it's such a safe space i don't know you know i don't know what the equivalent would be uh what the equivalent would be in comedy i guess i'll tell you right now i'll tell you we lost our equivalent a long time ago you're losing your

equivalent now so like for us, it was Comedy Central. And then at a certain point, and I can almost name the date of Bill's special when we talked to Niamh Prov and he said, so what's the deal? We just do these and no one watches them. And then we just do another one and keep writing hours. At a certain point, Comedy Central fell off for us and it was no longer our ESPN, right, for what we do. And I think why I was really interested in talking to you with Bill is that right now you're finding, and I think the massive layoffs going over on ESPN, is that they are now falling apart the same way Comedy Central did. So we're all witnessing that canary in the mine in our own ways in our own different times

wait who's falling apart espn how many people well i mean it's all because of streaming streaming's like basically was like this sinkhole that kind of just we all thought we were like this this is you know this is how the business has been it's slowly changed incrementally but like the what the amount that it has changed put it this way the first special i had on netflix was like i don't know like 11 years ago 10 11 years ago and people would ask me what do you want for an intro and i say say you might might have seen his special on netflix and the crowd used to snicker. They would laugh like Netflix. You mean those guys that deliver videos? And in 11 years, they passed the big three, everybody and went global. So I don't think I've, you know, I would say maybe the UFC and sports to watch them from the early 90s, where it was just crazy,

you know, no weight classes to all of a sudden having it organized. And then it becomes, isn't like the UFC just like second behind soccer at this point? You're remembering the golden days of UFC when some guy would go to the octagon with like a crucifix on his back and fight Tank Abbott. it has grown a lot uh from those days what i'm amazed by and he's right when he talks about the way that streaming has changed everything my surprise is that it changed so quickly and that people didn't see it coming like i come from newspapers right so now we can see in retrospect but of course newspapers died the business model was throw yesterday's news in your bushes for 25 cents or give it to

you right away on a computer for free. Why would it die if it were just 25 cents? And what you have happen is if you give it to everybody on demand, they get used to not wanting the commercials. And so radio dies and television changes. And nobody saw that Netflix wasn't coming here to be a television competitor. They were here to replace television. And so if you can do it, if you could do it on demand and if you're talented enough in your case to build a following the way you have, that can make you as fearless as you are now, as a lot of comedians end up complaining about the traps of, of comedy, like it there's, it's amazing to be emboldened by that, by that freedom. Once you, once you have success and you realize you can make your own choices, because this is a golden age for,

it's never been this good for, for content creators. You've got, I mean, you know, Amazon and Disney, Disney and Netflixflix are are just you know they're just spilling money trying uh you know trying to get it the you know to become television where do you think it goes though because i look at it like i mean if there's this i don't i think almost everybody single human being at this point has a podcast about something and i'm just picturing like in the future like nobody's listening to anybody everybody's just talking into a microphone um you know i i i don't know it's a way that's i don't want to get into i would talk to

about this other shit like off the air because what, like maybe I can dance around this a little bit. Like I would just say that like, because now, as opposed to back in the day when it seemed like 20 people would get a show, 20 white people, who's kidding who, it was not diversified at all really, or 19 white people in one black show was kind of how it was when I was growing up or two or three, right? Now it's like anybody can get a show, but because there's so many shows, the money is not there anymore. Syndication isn't there anymore. But then the funny thing is, is trying to make a good show is just as much work is it always is

is it so if that that remained constant so i feel like um oh i think we lost burt then i feel bad that i came out so fucking hot i just like you know but he was great like don't you feel bad you should no no no you shouldn't feel bad about that at all like that was funny it's one of those fucking things. It's just one of those things where I, I feel like, you know, that whole scapegoat thing where everybody gets to fucking throw their dirty

dishwater in the South or in Boston. I'm not supporting by any means, any of that behavior. It is sickening and all of that type of shit. But I just get, I get like, uh, you know, when people just try to

you know i don't want to name cities but i've literally done cities where the other side of the tracks was literally you crossed railroad tracks it was literally the other side of the tracks um and it uh you know whatever but it is it is what it's a stupid thing to argue. The whole thing is sad. And, you know, I wish it didn't happen, but it continues. So anyways, getting into this other stuff, I find that that your best bet though now is if is if you could just like I just view this business now like it's this giant mall. is is if you could just like i just view this business now like it's this giant mall and you remember back in the day not the stores not the anchor stores not even the regular store just those little kiosks they'd have in the middle right right and they just sell like sunglasses or whatever i feel like i have my own little sunglass hut in this giant store and once i've looked at it that way and i stopped trying to, oh, I got to sell shirts like them or I got to, you know, sell toys like the hobby store down the way or whatever. I just was just, this is what I do.

I don't read the newspaper. I don't know the nationality of my guests. I just fucking come on here right after making some hot dogs and I start running my, yeah, like that is my brand. If you don't like it, I get it. But that's what i do here well i don't want you to walk anything back and i don't want you to be no no no that's i'm not walking it back your your views on boston are still bullshit but what i'm saying is what i didn't say well first of all you you do accurately you said the bar is now set. So low. Like you weren't excited.

That you weren't excited. After all the championships we won, that we still have this fucking thing that you can just keep fucking doing this. I get it. I get it. Dan Marino retired in fucking 99. I get it. You're still waiting.

I get it, dude. I get it. Florida Panthers. You had an amazing fucking series. Unless 9,000 free agents come down to Miami and Dwayne Wade comes back, I get it. It's a bad fucking time for you. And you used this horrible story.

That's a way to take out a little bit of sports frustration. I think what we should do is just have a recurring thread where I light this fuse, it lands on you, and then you rail. We'll call the show, the new show's called Taking the Bait. No, but hissing rage is such great fuel for you. I know, but I don't want to do it anymore, dude. I was doing, I'm doing so well. Like I fucking, there's like, but there's a, you know, dude, I had a fucking guy.

I already talked about this on my solo podcast where this fucking guy said to me, I was packing up the car. No, he was packing up his car with his wife, throwing bikes on it. And. My car was right next to his. I hit the unlock. He clocks that. And then my kids, the car seats right behind me on the driver's side. So I'm opening the door and he goes walking by. He goes, we're about to leave. And I was like, oh. So I kind of closed the door, got in the other side. It wasn't until he drove away where I was saying like, what do you mean we're about to leave? Why did I just act like this guy signs my checks? What is we're about to leave, right?

But that is something, dude, the old me, I would have carried that. I would be fucking 80 years old smoking my last cigar. We're about to leave, you fucking cocksucker. I would fall over but now i just look at it as now i'm like that's something i need to work on where when that happens what i want to be able to say is like i want to be excuse me i'm sorry instead of being like well you know we're about to leave well I'm about to put my kid in the car you fucking sweaty red-faced cunt because that's not good either because then I said that in front of the kid then I'm in the wrong so you have to you have

to like just be like I'm sorry am I not putting my kid in the car fast enough is that what's going on because it kind of seemed like like that way you keep your tone. And the only thing that works with passive aggressiveness other than, you know, just be, you know, it is passive aggressiveness. You just, I got to go Columbo. I got to act confused. Don't you need it as fuel, though? I would think that you would need that as fuel. And I do love, by the way, and you're not wrong about what you're saying about the podcast,

but that you started that riff about self-discovery and self-analysis while saying, and on my other podcast, the one that I do solo, because you should have as many podcasts as you could possibly have. Well, all of these podcasts came about because I miss seeing Bert. I miss seeing Verzi. We're talking anyways. You're enjoying working with your friends, not unlike the LeBron, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh triumvirate, the Holy Trinity. You're going to try and shoo that in there?

I'm going to keep trying to light this fuse the rest of the time we're talking, hoping that you apologize. Oh, yeah, I know. Okay. But now you just poured water on it because now I know there's no passion behind it. You're doing the chick thing. There is passion behind it. Man, Boston has been super mean to me, Bill. Boston radio stations have said—

Now it unravels, Bert. Remember when he was trying to act like he was a man of the people. It's all about him. Boston radio stations have done super racist things to my father, to my father. Who's like cartoonishly Cuban and, and has an accent. Boston has been Boston's radio talent has been meaner to him than any,

than any city in the union. And so that hits in a personal spot. But all I want to do is have fun with it and continue. What do you mean he's cartoonishly Cuban? Hang on. I'm going to hold a little bit. Growing up in Florida, he's just Cuban to me, meaning listen to your dad is a little heartwarming to me

when I listen to your dad. That's every dad that played in baseball with us that taught us baseball growing up. I do understand what you're saying when you say cartoonishly Cuban. He just is, he's from Cuba and that's it. Let me ask you this. They took it past

making fun of your show, past making fun of your dad and into, I'm going'm gonna say the usual area of morning radio uh yeah i mean but which has been my experience with so many morning radio shows the astounding level of straight across the fucking i don't bird am i wrong here like the astounding level of like just like it's it's it's not even like hidden it's not even like uh maybe it got better i'm sure it got better but i mean i remember the last time i was i know i was the last time i was doing big a big tour, I was with Don L and Charlie Murphy, rest his soul.

And there were radio stations that only took me. And there were clubs that would take them to the black station and then take me to the white station. It was... Neither one of those was Boston. so i'm not defending boston what i'm trying to say is that you know everybody goes to the container store when it comes to fucking racism they say it's in this big box down in the south and it's up there in boston and it's just like well if you really want to see how sad it is should, you should do the road and hit all the fucking, you know, it's,

yeah, it's an unfortunate thing. Well, I'm sorry that they, they did that to your dad. You know, I'm not sorry that, you know,

we've been doing so great in sports though. It's, it's crazy though, that you're talking about that. I mean, Charlie Murphy, you're talking about the nineties, right?

You're talking, that's it. That ain't the sixties you're talking about. That's that was that was 2004 2005 damn so that's not yeah that's not like you're talking about something like it's during the civil rights movement and you're and you're 50 years behind it in the way that morning radio was treating the comedy circuit by well that's what's hilarious about so-called woke white people is because they are acting like they weren't the white people that weren't hiring people of color. Like a few years ago, like somehow they got rid of all of those white people. Now we're all brand new white people.

And it's like, dude, you're in your forties. Like I've never heard you talk like this. I've known you for 20 years. I think so much of that is just people branding and covering their own asses. So they can, you know, they do the hashtag Black Lives Matter. They do the whole little care package. Look at me, I care. And then if they see another white person who gets in trouble for shit, they pile on that person because that's the thing to stick all their shit to and be like, yeah, there he is. There he is. And I think that that happens with the city of Boston, which I'm not saying isn't ridiculously racist, but I'm just saying it does tend to catch, you know, I mean, it does tend to catch a lot of the attention, it seems.

It just seems like... Certainly you've noticed, though. I'm guessing that you've noticed in this climate of people out outraging each other and, you know, scaring your fellow comedians in a way that a lot of them complain about not being able to do comedy. Certainly you've looked around and noticed that there aren't a lot of people doing what you're what's funny about that is the people behind that are like white women it's not black people trying to get white comics male comics not to say what they kick it's white women and they're divorcing themselves from their part in all of this

which is fucking brilliant i gotta give to give it up to them. The same way you brilliantly lit my fucking fuse, right? The way that they have just divorced themselves from any wrongdoing, any wrongdoing, and then not only that, that that bit I did on SNL

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because they're afraid of the flames that have climbed all around this stuff with being led by the mob and what you're talking about, which is people trying to outrage each other and the competition being between, like, I'm going to be morally superior to the person next to me. Like, certainly you went into that.

I'll tell you something funny about that, is another thing that people try to do is they're constantly taking quotes from a comic and then attaching their own political ideology to it, acting like they're explaining what you meant. And it's always, you know, more times than not, it's wrong. Not only is it wrong, it's 180 degrees in the other direction, right? So on that one, when I did that joke,

this dude wrote this article going, you know, when I did that bit about white women go, and the reason why it worked was because he called out himself for being a toxic white male and blah. It's like, that's not why it worked. It worked because it was true. And if you ever saw my position, when I told that joke, I didn't have to get to the punch line for people of color they were laughing during the setup then I do the punch line and I would get half the white people and then I called myself out on that shit to bring white guys like that woke idiot woke idiot who wrote that article it's like i said that for you i said that specifically for people

like you because i know what you're gonna do is then like you know use this thing to try and get more hits while you pretend like you care about the issue because i feel like that's another thing that a lot of people are doing like being being outraged, being all of this shit. I like to think that I can hear when it's sincere or when it's tied to like a brand. And I think so much of it is like an algorithm for how you navigate these new waters on a social media asset. All of that shit. That's like that oh what was i watching last they were talking about starving people and they said if you're um if you're what did they say if

you're if you're experiencing food insecurities i just want to be in that meeting when they're coming up. You remember when you're friends, you'd sit around trying to come up with good band names. I feel like that's what corporate corporations do. There's people starving. We're eating caviar. Okay.

We can't say they're starving. What do you got? Food challenge. Now, if you would challenge is old, we burned it out. Food insecurity. Sorry, Bert. food challenge now if you challenge is old we burned it out food insecurity sorry Bert you may have covered this ground I'm actually curious Bert I I will talk to you in a

second about what it is that I'm doing but I am curious you've talked about I'm guessing you've talked about this but the specifics of the degree of difficulty of doing that monologue that way in this climate like what is nowhere near as difficult to what you're doing now that you've left the spn sorry burke go ahead no no no let me tell you something about bill the things we think about bill bill does not think about bill i've asked those questions about that snl was was pretty epic in my opinion. A lot of things Bill does. I, you know,

I'm a friend of his, but I'm, I'm also a big fan of the way he does what we do. And I think I put more thought into what Bill does than build us. Sometimes. I mean, I know for a fact, that's the genius of what I do because I know exactly what I'm doing.

You think I just go up there and say that shit, Bert? No, I know, I know, but you don't sit the next day. Bert, I knew enough to go, you know, you sit right down to my talks. I knew to do that for that douche who was going to write that article. No, no, no, but you're not sitting there going, like there's no, like you got the same thing Rogan's got

where it's almost like CTE where you guys just say, and you go, I'm tapped out. I don't need to see what anyone says. And you dial out of it. And I don't have that entirely. The last time, Bert, the last time, I remember Louis C.K. went on there and he just, he did like, it was rat-a-tat-tat three things.

One of them was pedophilia one of them was israel palestine i don't remember what the third one was and i'm like good god this guy's living right on the rail and so the the only other time i thought i'm like wow he's going he's going to do it this way there there had to have been he might not think about it on the back end but he's he has to have thought and deconstructed, what are the angles that I can be attacked from on the front end? Like you can't walk into that. You can't walk in totally fearlessly unless you're totally prepared.

Totally prepared. Listen, let me make it very clear. I know for a fact Bill knows what he's doing walking into everything, but Bill has something that Joe has that maybe I don't have. And I see that honestly. You're literally, you're in America and you're going to like, it's like, you know, if you're saying it maliciously. And that's the thing, dude. If I went on stage and I said something, I was in a bad mood and I really fucking meant it. Then I like, I would.

But here's the thing. I would apologize to the person that I said it to. I'm not apologizing. This jerk off who was drinking a cup of coffee and wasn't even at the fucking show. I'm not doing that. No, I'm not talking about that, Bill. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the way that you can do what you do

and then you're cool with what you did. You're not on Instagram. We lost him. I know what you're saying. Okay, I see what you're saying. No. We lost him. I know what you're saying. Okay, I see what you're saying. No, yeah, no. You have to do that. You can't.

I went through the whole reading every comment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not everyone can do that, Bill. Not everyone can do that. No, no, this is what I do. I go on, and what I do is I read until I get to the first negative one, and then I just shut it off. And I went, you know, nine out of 10, that's pretty good. I just do like a survey, but like, listen, dude, if I did something and I just saw like a,

you know, nine out of 10 was saying that sucked. You're not funny anymore. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Something like that. You know, after I did something, not after i just said what i said because now that'll happen but like after i actually did something like legit then i i would definitely you know i would be like okay i need to work harder or i need to uh steer away from something i don't know i don't know but uh it's interesting to me because Bill has been doing the Monday Morning Podcast for, what, 10 years now? No, 14. He's so stunned with 14, he froze.

And I find it – 14 years, Bert. No, no. I find it interesting that you've been doing it 14 years. And Dan, you're stepping into that territory where you're in on your own with a sponsor from the back. I'm curious to know the juxtaposition of how you feel now that you're out on your own. There's no slap on the wrist. Everything is on you, right? Where Bill's been dealing with that for 14 years. I'm curious to

know how you feel about that, Dan. Well, I wanted to be my own boss, okay? But I think that confidence, the only way that confidence is built is you have to build successes on top of each other. Like, Bill can talk now after having started with the, you know, at Netflix and doing this podcast for 14 years, he can talk from the position of, I don't have can say on here right now, he can say, if I know my intent was cool, I don't care what anybody thinks, which is great for him. But I would say that right now in the current climate, people's intent does not end up mattering. That's what makes it all go away. Cause you just say like, listen, well, that's not how I meant it. And then they'll say like, well, that's how I took it. Well, I'm sorry you took it that way. But like, or are they going to tell you what they know, how you like they're in your head more than you are you know what i mean it's just like everybody has the ability to do this

and that the whole thing that i'm sitting there going like i'm not afraid of this stuff i'm absolutely afraid of it it's it's it's insanity it's insanity you don't sound afraid of it. It's insanity. It's insanity. You don't sound afraid of it. You do not sound afraid of it. Well, I mean, what the fuck am I going to do? Are you going to sit there with your knees against your chest? I just do what I do. And then that's it. But, you know, I mean, I had

a friend of mine, you know, they tried to get rid of this person because of an analogy. It's gotten to that point. An analogy? it's just like i i just i feel i gotta be honest with you guys i kind of think that it's going to uh what really needs to happen is i think what gives it strength are as corporations and how they don't want to see one nickel roll out the window in advertising dollars. And these people who try to cancel people know that, so they go after the advertising.

And then the corporations, just how they don't have any loyalty. They don't care about anybody. So they would just as soon throw you out to save a nickel and just bring in somebody else to run their yap and they don't care so it's kind of you know if you just kind of look at their strategy it's like people that they get offended by you got to have like a certain level of being known they're not gonna waste their time hitching their trailer to what who who said what

okay and then you have advertising is another big thing i i've kind of noticed because there's a bunch of guys like that people fucking hated and they used to always talk about them then they got booted from their shows and then they have their own podcast now and i don't hear anybody complaining about them. And it's like, I imagine they're still saying the exact same things. It's like, so all you wanted to do was get them off the network. You know, I just, I don't know. The whole thing is just, it's a really unfortunate thing. And I feel bad for younger comics or anybody trying to come up and you're basically a human

being and you're not allowed to make mistakes you're not allowed I mean how many fucking mistakes I made here I didn't know you were Cuban I've been watching you forever Bert to answer your question though to answer your question because um what that is I don't feel like that would have changed anything about what you said, though. It wouldn't have. I was going, ah, you fucking white guy. He's always like, he's Cuban. I'm like, oh, that's right.

Unless your dad's standing next to you, I forget. But doesn't that mean I'm woke, man? I don't see color, man. That is why my dad was next to me. Because ESPN was under indexing with hispanics and i'm dan specifically because my parents didn't want to name me luis or gonzalo because they were afraid of what i would encounter in this country those are two killer names too man you missed out you would have had at least another 30% of pussy in your life.

Best Cuban name ever is Guillermo. Then Dan. Dan's got to work for it. Hey, Dan, do you speak Spanish? Yes. Uh-huh. Oh, wow. Let's see.

But to answer your question, though, the whole thing is scary because I don't know how it is. Yeah, I just don't know how it is in Yeah, I just, I don't know how it is in comedy, but ESPN is the destination. Like that's the place. And if you want to be credible, like this is a funny thing that happens and it's not at all surprising, but athletes walk into ESPN all the time.

Former athletes, they come from a clubhouse or a locker room culture where guys, like it's such a competitive ecosystem and the week get weeded out and they're perpetually getting criticism and coaching and they get to someplace like ESPN and they look at people who are on television. And the best thing about being on television is being on television. And they marvel at the vanity and the insecurity of everybody in the room. So anybody who's arrived, like think about who sports media is represented by. A bunch of guys who love sports, a bunch of women who love sports, but many of whom weren't good enough to actually make it in sports.

So we chose, we love it so much that we love to talk about it and analyze it and everything else. And then the destination on whatever those insecurities are is ESPN validates you. Those four letters validate you. They make you credible. You know, most people know me as just some guy who was on their television for 10 years in a sports bar. The sound was down.

They just sort of recognized my face and recognized my face with this thing and this i think you're gonna be all right you're catastrophizing here dude you you actually you stayed gainfully employed for 10 years on espn i think you're doing fine if you look at barstool sports what those guys have done i mean those guys literally was you know uh i mean it was i think it was just in boston at first they grew so fast i didn't mean by the time i realized what was going on i remember they had portnoy on very early very early on in uh massachusetts and andrew was the guy going dude these guys are gonna blow up which they did and like you look at some of the guests that they get you know on their shows

they're getting as big a guest as like espn and their whole brand though is they keep it like we're just a bunch of knuckleheads in a sports bar which is why i love it so if you just keep your thing which is i hang with my dad and we do you know we do the sports thing you know i i think your fan base isn't going to be like you know i love the dan libertard show but only if it had the espn logo behind it you're going to be fine you're saying i catastrophize it and i am going to be fine and after five difficult months i realize i'm going to be fine but the part that you can't know because you haven't been living what it is my life has been for five for the last five months is that I've got a bunch of people in our crew. We're we're an ensemble show. And like I told you, those I've got a bunch of, you know, guys who were kids who haven't had really other jobs other than this job that was never intended to be at ESPN.

I know, it's got to work or they all become homeless. Well, I don't know anything about healthcare, Bill. I don't know anything about building a company. I'm not an entrepreneur. I'm not a CEO. I don't know how to do those things. And so I've had to learn them. I've had to learn them very quickly. But you're right. We are going to be fine because we're on the other side of it. And we've got to be fine, man. You got to be fine.

I'll just picture you walking around. I don't know. I don't know how to do these things. Walking around like Seinfeld. What you have is the people want to watch you. When you talk about Barstool, Barstool is where you're drawn to. When you watch the people, I don't really give a fuck about the network.

Like, I don't care about Barstool as a network, but I like the people on Barstool, so I go to Barstool. I don't care about ESPN. I don't care about Comedy Central. It's the people on barstool so i go to barstool i don't care about espn i don't care about comedy central i it's the people i like look bo burnham just released a special on netflix you know obviously i'm a big fan of netflix i'd watch that wherever the fuck it was it's so good and what you do is so good and and that that that microcosm you've set up with your dad and your family and a bunch of people that have never had any other jobs,

for whatever reason, it's kind of like jazz. It's a bunch of family, like a bunch of inside jokes where when you watch it, you end up with a smile on your face, giggling. I remember Mike Bertolini. Oh, boy. We're losing you, dude. Do you know what I'm talking about? You said Mike, and then you cut out.

Mike Bertolino, and then it cut out. All right. Well, listen, I know what he's saying you're gonna be you're gonna be fine you freaked out i mean you left you probably definitely were walking around your apartment going all right how's going on did i just do that who does that but i guarantee you like a year from now you know one of my favorite things i ever saw in uh uh as far as talking about this business, there was some documentary about this heavy metal band that just played forever. I saw that.

That was good. Yeah, there was a couple of them. But in one of them, a guy, he was talking about record deals. And he said, you're better to own something 100% and only sell 20,000 copies than to not own any of it and sell 20 million. Because it's just like the level of like how they put these things together. I'm going to stop short here of naming one of the commandments as far as like what they do. It's just, it's unbelievable. And I think doing

it the way you're doing it, it doesn't make sense because you're working for yourself. Now you'll probably work less hours and you'll, you'll, you'll make more money or it's a way where it's not as much money, but the headache of all of this other shit is an added value to what it is that, um, that you're doing. And then, you know, I gotta be on what I learned in what it is that um that you're doing and then you know i gotta be on what i learned in this pandemic is that i want to work less and i want to be around my kids and hang out and you know you know still do stand up still do my podcast and then you know if something a cool acting gig comes along to to absolutely take it if i can but if that dries up and what the what's what i'll boo who i just get to tell jokes for a living that's fine with me well that's one of the things

that appealed to me it's not just the ownership like the company that we're starting some of the backstory here is the the president of espn who hired me to be at ESPN and, you know, over a six-year period was viewed as the most powerful man in sports. That guy is now the CEO of our company. And all of these people who work with us, who are family and friends, they have equity in that company because the ownership of that stuff and the freedom of that stuff is something that matters me given, you know, where it is that I come from. And I just, I was desperate for it as I entered this stage of my life. You know, you say you have this epiphany during the pandemic of things slowing down so that you could see them clearly. You know, the scary part was starting a business during a pandemic, but this is what we were following.

We were following the idea of, man, wouldn't it be cool to be free and to just bet on ourselves again and again and see if we could cash that bet? Oh, dude, just the amount of time you're going to save from having to have meetings, you know, with just those bullshit meetings where somebody has to justify their desk, that they have an office so they have to talk to you once a week. You know, everything's going fine. Hey, let's just sit here, sit down and talk and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all that type of stuff. Yeah, just keep doing what you're doing. And then you got to do the Jimmy the Gent from Goodfellas.

Don't buy anything. Take it back. Don't fucking buy anything. That's it. Make your money. Don't fucking buy anything. That's it. Make your money. Hang on to this shit. I don't know. We had such a weird situation at ESPN because right now, during this stage, I've got vastly more meetings than I've ever had in my life.

I never had many meetings just because we were an outpost, right? We were weeds growing unattended in Miami. We weren't in Bristol, Connecticut. We weren't overseen by a whole bunch of TV executives who had to justify their jobs. And just in general, it's not specific to ESPN, but there's very little more useless than a TV executive. Like that is not a career anyone dreams of having. Like that is not a career anyone dreams of having.

And nobody knows exactly how to make successful television. And so the meetings stuff is not something that for a long time, the reason we were able to be so different, the reason we were counterculture, the reason all the smart people at ESPN ended up sort of making their way down to Miami is because we were unsupervised, because we were out from under some of that corporate overlording. And it appealed to, you know, people who didn't, creative people who didn't want to be told, well, television has to be done this way, where you walk onto the set and you stand on a mark and you give, you know, this opinion. So it, you know, that part has, like the mechanics of building a business has been complicated for me because that's not the part of my brain that I use.

Like that's not, you know, I have trouble with, you know, balancing, you know, my bank account. If I had to guess, they left you alone in the beginning and then you became successful and then they started making more trips down there. And then it became this fucking like, why can't they just leave me alone? It's because you're successful. They got to get their stink on it.

They got to rub their suit up against it. And I think after a while, I don't know, Bert, I think Dan didn't like that. Orders? You giving me orders? Dan does not like orders. Dan does not like orders dan does not like those don't go very well um well i i got a gig in florida i don't have it down in miami do you have guests on your show i was talking with burt yes you've been on our show you've been on our show and i i you've done so much radio bill that you don't uh yes uh we we have guests on our show we were talking with burt before we started here uh fuck you burt i've done a million

you do it too you do it too what a what a hurtful prostitute you are, making your way through radio morning shows. Yeah, but you know what? I am from Boston. I didn't make fun of your dad, all right? Thank you for not doing that. Listen, I love, I love Lucy. That Ricky Ricardo is hilarious.

No, yeah, if I'm down there, you know, before it's underwater, I would love to, you know, isn't that what's going to happen down there? I would love, yes, but I would love for you to come through our studios and yell at me. I'm really disappointed that we've moved away. I don't want to yell at you. I felt bad that I was that, you know. You know what? You know who fucked this whole thing up was me.

I own a text thread that said, I i can't do this show i'm grilling with my family and then like it was like three card money there's like three texts went back and forth and then i was just like i can do it tomorrow and i meant like tuesday and then right as i finished the hot dogs i was sitting there me and my wife going this is what it's all about i'm gonna get this i told you you came You motherfucker. I told you you came in hot. I told you that you came in hot, and then you blamed me for bringing up this stuff. No, no, no, Dan. Dan, Dan.

I think we're both a little wrong here. We're both a little wrong because you were upset with Boston in general for how they treated your dad. You're upset that the next fucking Dan Marino that came around, Tom Brady, the next gunslinger in the AFC East came our way. You had a lot of issues with Boston. I came in, you knew I was annoyed, right? And then you said something about the bar being set so low in Boston. And then I flipped out so much that not only did I forget I did your show, I forgot you weren't white. I mean, that's kind of what happened. I took you away from your family. That's how it started.

This is a moment of healing. It's an important moment for Americans. I apologize for my end of it. My family would probably send you a thank you letter. Because I wouldn't shut up about how much I do. Bert, I crush these turkey dogs. One was toasted perfectly. My wife, for whatever reason, got a thicker cheese.

So I toasted the one side, then I flipped it over. So I had the heat. I had it on there. I had the heat coming from underneath, and I waited until it was halfway done. Then I set it to the side, and I let it finish. Well, I browned up those. I burned up those hot dogs a little bit. It was delicious. And then what I did a little mustard little pickup pickles and I put a little Blaze potato chips

crunched on top if you want a little crunch in your dog they were delicious people were beside themselves I was getting compliments I was feeling good about myself you know and then Dan Lee batard who evidently doesn't care about his family, wants to do a fucking podcast in the middle of Memorial Day. Because he's freaking out that he's not famous. Because he left ESPN. People know who you are. Not only do you not know that I am Cuban, it's Lebitard, not Lebitard.

It's Lebitard. Oh, Lebitard. I do that all the time. Dan Lebitard. Okay. Dan Levitard, not Levitard. It's Levitard. I do that all the time. Dan Levitard. Okay. Dan Levitard. He's Cuban.

I got it. It's okay. In the back. It's okay. I love that, Bert, this is the place that you and I both, when he started talking about those hot dogs, both you and my mouth started watering. He needs to be around us instead of his family. If that, if they're tired of him talking about that,

you and I would sit here, you should start a third podcast or another, a fifth podcast or a 10th podcast where you just talk about hot, where you talk about hot dogs and things that you're grilling. Well, I got one for Bert. Bert, I frigging had a, who can make the best burger with another friend of mine, which I don't want to name because I was rooting for both of you guys. He had Chef Roy Choi come

down there and Burt Kreischer won. Sebastian Maniscalco. Sebastian showed up like a pool shark. He had his own stick you know he just like opened up this like he was gonna do a mob hit you know what I mean I was just like oh my god Bert why is Bill protecting so many people here where he uh he doesn't want to name Sebastian because he lost a hamburger competition to you I don't know because we all get shit on the internet. That's all it takes is one stupid thing and then 40 cunts are going into his thing and then he's

going to call me up like, why would you bring that up? I'm an asshole. I said to Dan at the beginning, I said, are you familiar with Bill? And he goes, I'm a big fan. And I was like, that's not the question I asked. big fan and I was like that's not the question I asked it killed you on your punchline we got right through there that's not the question you are I'm an asshole but you know I'm trying I'm

an asshole that's trying you are more man look the thing I love about Rap this I'll wrap this up the things that I love about what you're doing damn is that Look my fucking internet's unstable. God damn it. No. No, we hear you. We hear you Is that Bill and I have been making a living off of just being ourselves for now Bill's 12 years. I'm probably nine years and you're stepping into that forum of like, just you being you fuck ESPN. It's just you being you,

man. There is the horizon is forever. It is. You're going to fucking love it, man. You're going to love it. And I, I'm a big fan.

I am a big fan. I grew up in Florida, big fan of you and your dad. And I'm excited to see what you do because you're kind of the first guy out on the horizon taking the boat out there. And you know, Bill and I have been out there for a while, but you're taking it out in a different direction.

And I think it's cool. I'm terrified of the ocean. I'm on land, man. You're too fucking drunk. I'm doing my shit jokes in the trees. You know what, Bert? I think you're a little too deep in the cup there. What's his face says?

You're like, we're out there on the ocean, man. Bring me the horizon. We're sailing around, man. I'll do your show, Dan. I'll do your show when I'm in Miami. That would be great we were talking before we started here about the Miami improv and how hard

how rough that is to do if you're a comedian touring the country how difficult it is to do the Miami improv Dan do you have access to a cigarette boat those Miami Vice ones let's say me and access to a cigarette boat? Those Miami Vice ones? Let's say me and Bert do a co-headlining thing. You cruise us down to Cuba and we stock up on some fucking cigars. Come back. Nobody has to know. Do your podcast the next morning.

We act like it never happened. I think I can get us a cigarette boat. I would like for the stories that would emerge from the three of us going into Cuba. And now that normalized relations are a little more normalized, the three of us going in and out under the cover of darkness. Well, there's no way I would ever go to Cuba by boat. I'm terrified of the ocean. I go by plane. I would. I would. Get it over with. If I'm going to die, get it over with if i'm gonna die get it over with has your dad been back to cuba uh no what was uh what was interesting is that we had a chance when those relationships were being normalized in america we were uh you know america john skipper and espn went over with barack obama as part of like diplomatic baseball games and, and, you know, the way sports is used as political tool and for propaganda. And we were invited over. And as part of what it is

that we were doing, my father and I were ready to go do it in the spirit of, you know, trying to do something different. And my mother would not do it. She simply refused because of, you know, the atrocities. You know, she left at 15. The stories are endless. You know, the ocean is filled with dead bodies, people literally throwing their lives to the wind on, you know, vessels made of tires and stuff to get away from an absence of freedom. I mean, I can't even can you guys imagine the desperation that would have to exist? This is not how my parents came over, but my mother had to leave her country at 15 without knowing if she'd see her parents again. Imagine the desperation that you would have to have to, you know, build. So a lot of Cuban expats hate the Houston Astros then? Because?

Fidel Castro was in their farm system. They had just given that guy a shot. He was with the Colt 45s, wasn't he? He was in the minor leagues. I don't remember. Actually, no, wait a minute. I think his baseball career is overstated. I may be confusing him with Tommy Lasorda,

but I think his baseball career was overstated. But imagine, Bill, as afraid of you are as of the ocean. I don't think dictators tend to exaggerate some of their accomplishments. He probably had everybody lining up acting like they couldn't hit his curve. Like Putin? Like Putin when he plays hockey?

Oh my God, Putin playing hockey. I'm afraid to say that someone's going to spray some mist on me. But Jesus Christ. Wait, wait, wait. Putin flies you over. Putin gives you an offer to go play hockey with him in Russia next week. No fucking way. Oh, I'm there in a heartbeat.

You're the wrong guy. No. No fucking way. I'm there. I'm there. Just so you know, Vladimir, I'm there i'm there just so you know vladimir i'm there yeah you have fun with that uh burt before we get out of here just real quick uh boston is so racist dude see see how much i've grown just in this podcast

you don't remember red dawn Bro, you don't remember Red Dawn? All they're going to do is invite you over like a vampire and you're just going to go over there and play hockey with the guy? Bro, you know what your thing is, Bart? You have too much of a need to be liked. And the third time Vladimir skates around you and you're noticing that the fucking army guys aren't laughing at you shirtless you out there on the ice. You're going to take him into the fucking glass.

You're going to go for the laugh and he's not going to like it. And then that's going to be it. This has been one of my favorite podcasts I've ever done. Without a doubt. Without a fucking doubt. You know, I was worried about my internet connection i didn't have to talk much at all i know well listen don't get mad at the victim here okay i came here as a warrior to try and bring cubans and white guys from tampa. And then I was just attacked.

All right. All right. Well, Dan, you know, the world's opening back up. I think he's suddenly giving me the finger right now. The world is opening back up. I'm just trying to get you agitated again. I believe the hissing fuse. I don't want Bill Burr without rage being the hissing fuse.

Well, then you know what? You're not a true friend. You know what you are? You don't want me to improve myself. You're like that townie drunk wearing your football jacket. Hey, don't leave. you're like that townie drunk wearing your football jacket hey don't leave i want to come down there with like a fucking hawaiian shirt on like the dumb white guy i am you know just confusing whatever there's gonna be tan people

down here i think a hawaiian shirt's acceptable just come down there do your show and say some ignorant shit by the way that fucking playoff series which I missed I just heard about it the Panthers in Tampa that sounded like one of those old school it's just amazing it's amazing unfortunately Tampa yeah brought back uh you know players that hadn't played all season and were the defending champions we haven't had a good hockey team it's first good hockey team we've had down here in 25 years. It must specifically enrage you, though, that that mutation of Annette's team after 10 years and all the distortions of the super teams,

the three trolls, right? You got Harden, Kyrie Irving, and Kyrie Irving who destroyed the Boston Celtics, specifically the way he did, and Kevin Durant, that the three of them would put up almost $1.50 over the weekend and that the Celtics, you know, after so much hope and young players and draft picks, like it looked as recently as – I can tell you don't watch basketball, but that was a nice spin.

You never mentioned that Jalen Brown wasn't playing. You're kind of ignoring the fact that Kyrie Irving also could throw the ball to Harden or KD if he got double teamed. I mean, if listen, if that's what you're into. I mean, do you like watching? What is it? That's the old Doug Stanhope joke. It's like you're rooting for Walmart.

I mean, if that's what you're into. It destroyed that mom and pop hardware store. You made the Boston Celtics a mom and pop hardware store. Yeah. At this point, I think if, listen, if you're going to just draft players, you know what I mean? Listen, I'm not going to begrudge somebody for signing a free agent. I'm not going to do that, but I'm just saying like, Jesus Christ,

how many fucking guys can pile on one team i'm just disappointed that i didn't get him enraged again i was trying bert uh would you allow me before we get out is it because it's just good ratings and then people watch the sports and guys in your position that's all your kid don't you want to see competition so you you would want mario lemieux and wayne gretzky to be on the same fucking team with Messier, and that's what you'd want to see? Bill, when LeBron, Wade, and Bosh got together, they only won two. In the first year, everyone got to laugh at them

because LeBron refused to post up J.J. Barea. And he said he had to be like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Do you remember that Michael Jordan, the big dance, the last dance, right? Yes. You remember that moment where he couldn't get by the Pistons, so he starts lifting weights, the whole Rocky moment, right? And then he comes back and beats them. None of these guys are going to have that moment.

It's going to be, so what'd you do? They're all going to be like, oh, I just joined the Pistons and then destroyed my former team. Man, it looked hard. LeBron suffered plenty for many years and then got that team together, got that team together and lost to the Dallas Mavericks. And it's the last time, well, I guess Kawhi did it too. But winning a

championship with one of those guys Bill that's not something that happens very often and so I'm just do you don't think it's weird that they've kind of just said to the New Orleans fan base like you guys are never going to win a title enjoy Zion while you have him he'll get a couple years of experience and when his initial contract expires he's going to go to greener pastures that's always been basketball though the same team's always winning basketball like it's been how many championships that's a bad argument what do you mean it's a bad argument there aren't many you're taking away the brilliance of the front office of the lakers and the celtics back in the day when you had to look at college

talent every year the whole draft is college talent that dominated at the college level but you're dominating you know 80 90 of those people aren't going to make it to the NBA probably even higher than that there's so few guys on a basketball team so it was like a real skill to draft somebody to just go through the league and see guys that are dominating at the pro level and be like, I want that guy. I don't know. I mean, what's wrong with the way the NFL does it, where all of a sudden Jacksonville can all of a sudden, you know,

win a championship. I think it's great. I think, I don't know. I like the talent spread out. Football is more random though. Anybody can win the championship because they play playoff games that are random. One, and you're done, and you're finished in a best-of-seven series. That's not why.

It's because there's a salary cap, and the talent is spread out evenly around the league. You know this. Why are you dying on this hill, Dan? There's a salary cap in both sports. There's a salary cap. They literally call the all-star teams now the Team LeBron and Team KD. It's fucking ridiculous. There are salary caps in both sports.

Both sports have salary caps. I'm not for salary caps. Are you for salary caps? You're not going to get me here to argue on behalf of salary caps. How would you like that? Listen, I'm not a businessman here. I'm not a businessman. Whatever it is that prevents one team because they have $200 million from spending it,

and then somebody else is in some little shit market and they can't compete. We're like, what happened in baseball? That's all. I just want to see competition. That's why I watch sports. I don't want to watch Night of Too Many Stars. I don't think that you're alone there because the NBA ratings have probably been harmed over the years by what it is that you're talking about. But the Golden State Warriors did lose, Bill.

The Miami Heat did lose. I'm not sure the Nets are going to win. Just these arguments, dude. Do you remember the year before KD went there and they went seven games? Oklahoma was up three games to one, and they didn't know how to win. And then there's that great offseason. Hey, man, are they going to get it together and see what happens? And then the best guy just leaves and joins the other fucking team.

Don't you remember Julius Urban? He kept losing to the Celtics. He didn't join the Celtics. He came back and beat our ass in game seven. Cover Sports Illustrated. Julius jams Jinx. Celtics he didn't join the Celtics no it came back and beat our ass in game seven cover Sports Illustrated Julius jams Jinx bill if Magic Johnson doesn't beat the Celtics in 84 does he say I'm going to Boston no he comes back and wins back to back and becomes the first team to drink champagne in the Boston Garden those are stories I want to see even if it hurts me as a fan i don't want to see magic

join the celtics this is one of the things though that i always find fascinating about sports because so often in sports the sports fan for example would never want to have the boss that the sport that the athlete has the dictator type of boss and if i I gave you free agency, Bill, if I gave you free agency in comedy and you had to go into a draft with a salary cap and then go do comedy in Oklahoma City and then fans would get enraged when you got freedom and used your power because you were ruining comedy,

I don't think you'd like that very much. I'm not saying that, Sal. Whatever the fuck it is, it's just everybody, every team deals has the same amount of money to put together a team. That's all I'm saying. And you want to make it as much money as you can? I don't give a fuck.

Okay? But I really like how you're making out NBA players like they're not making any fucking money here. I mean, that's hilarious. Well, Guy Fieri just got paid more than Tom Brady makes in a season because of these damn salary caps you're arguing for. Like, Guy Fieri. Listen to me

i i'm not familiar with that i don't even know what the fuck that means i just mean i think every team should have the same amount of money to play with that's what i mean they do but the sports are different one of them's random the other one's not if you have the best team in one sport you're going to win a best of seven series almost all the time because it's a better i don't even know what you're talking about right now i don't even know what you're talking i just keep saying what the fuck i'm saying and you just start acting like i'm talking about something else can you at least agree with me that when you were a kid and you were choosing upsides on a playground if it got too lopsided even as kids you evened it out i will

agree with you there if you agree with why why did you want to do that if you agree with me that bill russell said that boston was racist if you agree with me that bill russell heart of the champion celtics i will agree with you that yes i picked to me that's just not a comedic note i actually know this shit that happened to him they smeared shit inside of his house all that type of stuff i know all of of that stuff. Yeah, it's horrible. That's why he never came back, nor should he have. I understand that. When did I ever say that? You missed my point earlier.

I was like, stop acting like it's just there. It's like every time they do bad fan behavior, it's, oh, here goes Philly again. And they ignore that you can get shot at a preseason Raiders 49ers game on the West Coast because it doesn't fit the narrative it's like oh that's all uh that's Silicon Valley and raceroni out there over here they got the heroes down here they got this the out of here that's all I'm saying I'm just trying to bother you, Bill. Let me ask you. No, you're not.

Every time I get a good point in, you just say that. That's your little escape hatch. You know what, Dan? Fuck your show. I'm not doing it. All right. That's it, everybody. What happened?

We were going on a cigarette boat. We were going on a cigarette boat with Hawaiian shirts. You're a fucking rat. You probably set me up with the cops. Put a couple of keys on there. I bet your dad's wearing a wire. All right. That's it, everybody.

Fucking with you. Listen, we're doing 24 hours of programming on Friday as part of our new adventure here on YouTube. It's 24 hours as we partner up with DraftKings on Friday. Why don't you come on with us? Why don't you come on and yell at me on Friday? Well, I'll come on if you start playing the victim. Stop being so fucking passive aggressive. Would you have a Muppet on your hat and all of a sudden everybody's supposed to look at you like you're the innocent one? What's on your hat? What do you got on your hat? You're wearing some sort of a beach hat. What is that? Dan, you need to make it quicker and it's got to be meaner. Work on that and I'll talk to you Friday. Okay. What do you got on your head? You got some sort of blue championship hat?

All right. Good talking to you guys. It was great talking to you. And I apologize for the scheduling mix-up. I tried to come in hot so I could just blame it on you. Or maybe it's because I'm from Boston and I didn't like that you were – I didn't even know I didn't know that you were Cuban. I just sensed it because we're all racist up there.

All right. That's the podcast. God bless all of you. This has been another wonderful bill. There you go.