The Bill Simmons Podcast - A Niners and Cowboys Party, Tyreek Runs Amok, Six-Man Booths, Four-Box Bliss, and Parent Corner With Cousin Sal and Jimmy Kimmel

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the Cowboys' 40-point shutout victory over the Giants, the Eagles' narrow victory over the Patriots, the Chargers-Dolphins shootout, Titans-Saints, Broncos-Raiders, and more (2:21), before they guess the lines for NFL Week 2 (49:41). Finally, they close the show with Parent Corner with special guest Jimmy Kimmel (1:07:00). Host: Bill Simmons Guests: Cousin Sal and Jimmy Kimmel Producer: Kyle Crichton The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming, please checkout theringer.com/RG to find out more or listen to the end of the episode for additional details. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming up, me, Sal, Sunday night. We're back. This episode is brought to you by my old friend, Miller Lite. I've been a big fan of Miller Lite, man, since college days when I was allowed to have beer. I think nephew Kyle is a fan too. Miller Lite keeps it simple for us. Undebatable quality, great taste. Picture this.

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The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit rg-help.com slash BS to download America's number one sports book. The ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit RG dash help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available and listen to the end of the episode for additional details. You must be 21 plus and present in select States gambling problem called 100 gambler or visit RG dash help.com. We're also brought to you by the ringer podcast network, where I hope you're listening to all of our NFL podcasts, Ringer NFL Show, Ryan Rosillo, the Ringer Gambling Show, the

Ringer Fantasy Football Show, Against All Odds with Cousin Sal, that's back. We have the local pods in Boston, in New York, in Philly, and Chicago. So we are killing it. Killing it on the website as well, theringer.com. Check that out. Benjamin Solex premiering a new Sunday Night column, by the way, that we're excited about. So you can

check that out on theringer.com. I have a new Rewatchables coming on Monday night. It is the all-time one for us. I don't think maybe three other times in the 300-plus movie history of the Rewatchables have we played the one-for-us card harder than this.

But we had to do it. We had done a Michael Mann movie in a while and we're running out of movies. So Chris Ryan and I, we circled it, we circled it. We debated whether we should do it. We let it ferment like a mediocre bottle of wine. And then we finally did it. Black Hat, which after eight years

is a movie that we finally have decided we like, we don't care if you don't like it. It's a fun podcast anyway. We dive into the Michael Mann stuff. He's relevant again because he's got

the Ferrari movie coming out. He's also been saying how he wishes he had a redo of this movie, so we dive into that. But this movie has a lot of good pieces to it and has become increasingly relevant. So that is the rewatchables. And then we're doing two bangers the Mondays after that.

So give this one to us. Just throw us a bone. Coming up, The Cuz, Cousin Sal. Week one, NFL, almost in the books. We're going to cover it and we're going to guess the lines for week two. We're going to talk about our big fandole TV show

that we launched today Wise Guys I hope you watched it what went wrong what went right and everything else but first we'll bring in our friends

from Pearl Jam taping this 825 pacific time sunday night it's a rare role reversal sal we've been doing this for 17 years usually we would come on sund nights. I'm in a great mood. My team just killed somebody. You're upset about something. Now it's a flip. My beloved Patriots blow a game at home that felt super winnable in the second half. And then your team

just decimates the New York Giants. 40 to nothing. I think they had like 35 fantasy points. And it was one of, there were three games today where you knew within three minutes that the game or five minutes that the game was over. And this was one of those. You guys just look so much faster than them.

You must be feeling great. What an ass whooping. The only thing I'll say is it's not a rivalry anymore. I mean, I know you feel this way about, I don't know, you've said this a bunch about teams that you beat up or that you root for, but honestly, this is as much of a rivalry

as Green Bay-Chicago at this point. There's no good games anymore. It's been almost seven or eight years since we've seen something competitive. I guess there's a couple games in there, but that defense was amazing, and that's why all this DAC talk, it hardly matters. This defense

is so good. When you have a top three defense like this team and San Francisco and Philadelphia, I feel like only the lower echelon quarterbacks are just not going to beat you. Not that it was all Daniel Jones' fault. I didn't have a chance. They left him in there to the very end. My God. They must have thought

I guess he's okay with Ty Taylor being quarterback, but your team... Collinsworth was doing the whole, Daniel Jones, he's just trying to prove to his team that he's the guy, and he's going to be out there. I'm like, they should be pulling, get the hook.

He's going to get hurt. He's been sacked a few times. They're down 40 points. Get him out. That's why you have back-up points get him out Collinsworth by the way Collinsworth set the record for pass rush today he really I was laughing I don't know how many yeah I stopped counting at double digits it's like he was hibernating all summer and they woke him up and he was like

pass rush pass rush pass rush he couldn't help himself he could not help himself today counter on your destructive defense this is kind of the perfect opponent for you guys. Where as soon as you have a 7-0 lead and they have to do more stuff

than just their run the ball, run the ball, play action, roll out. Once they actually had to do some stuff, they didn't have a chance. Parsons was plus 450 for the Air for Defensive Player of the Year. He was the best defensive player on any of the TVs today. But you got Jets next week at Arizona, home New England,

and then this San Francisco game in week five at San Francisco Sunday night. There are three teams that jumped out today. It was really two and a half. Your team, the Niners, and then Philly. They did what they had to do, but the class of the day were the three NFC teams. I don't want to make fun of your team too much because I know what happens.

In fact, I'm going to prop them up because you could have been like the Steelers where as soon as they were down 16-0, it was over against the 49ers. They didn't have a chance. They checked out. They went to the bus early. You guys came back. It was 16-14. I don't know what happened. Brady did a lap around the Gillette Stadium,

and then you scored six points the rest of the way, but I have to keep you liking this team because I know what happens. Come October, you're talking about Jason Tatum MVP odds, and I can't take it, so I have to convince you that they're a good team, even though they're not. But, no.

You must be happy. Counter, I actually think they're a good team. I just think Philly's one of the best three teams in the league. But they were, I think for a loss, that was about as good of a loss as you can have because everything goes wrong in the first quarter. Like, everything. They're down 16-0 to a team that has protected

and advanced and built leads about as well as anybody the last couple years. But man, you look at the stats for the end of the game, the Eagles were 4.1 yards per play. They were shutting them down over and over again. They shut them down on 4th and 2. I just thought...

I was going to tell you, don't look at the stats. But the defense was, I thought, legit good today for the Pats. And, you know, they lost the game because there was a terrible, they were driving for the go-ahead score and Hunter Henry gets that really shaky penalty, the holding.

And then they squandered a bunch of, they had a couple weird coaching things. It felt a little like last year in the fourth quarter. But talent-wise, I thought they hung with Philly. The Niners, Steelers, and Cowboys-Giants, there felt like there was a talent deficiency. And I don't know when you want to talk about me admitting defeat on the Steelers. I'm not ready yet.

But that was an absolute ass-kicking. Big picture to me, I'm just leaving today as like the three best teams are in the NFC. And I don't know who the best AFC team is. I watched all the football. We haven't seen Buffalo and the Jets yet, so there's still a chance one of those two will jump out. But man, you go through all the AFC teams, all of them look really flawed. And the three best teams are in the NFC. You're not going to be wrong because you're not going to take Cincinnati as the best team after they scored three points and Burrow was just atrocious, right? You're not going to take Cincinnati as the best team after they scored three points and Burrow was just atrocious, right?

You're not going to take any of the AFC South teams because they're AFC South teams. You're not going to take any West team because the Raiders are in sole possession in first place. And you're right. Tomorrow's game, I guess, decides it. Yeah. But you would say, oh, no, no, the Chiefs.

The Chiefs will be there. And I'm not positive. I don't, from what we saw from their receivers, and then you got Kelsey now hitting his mid-30s, and it's like, I don't, I'm not positive they I don't, from what we saw from their receivers and then you got Kelsey now hitting his mid-30s and it's like, I don't, I'm not positive

they're going to be there. No, they're good. No, I know they're good, but Dallas, San Francisco, different level. No, sure. But we could, well, we take away

from that game and now it's so many days removed that I, like, I don't feel terrible about the Chiefs and I don't feel great about the Lions.

They didn't win because of that high-powered offense, right? That everybody was talking like, oh, I'm on St. Brown and this and that. Like, yeah, it's not what we thought. And, you know, Goff has his interception list streak continued, but they were

a serviceable offense. They really didn't score much. They had the, you know, they scored after the fourth and through the fake punt and they scored on a pick six. Otherwise, it's not a lot of points, right? One legit touchdown offensively. And so everyone could say, Chris Jones, oh, it made a difference. And sure, on third and long, you would have liked some of those pressures. But that defense was very, very good,

I thought. Well, and also, if Tony just catches that ball with two and a half minutes left, they win the game. And then we're like, oh, Lions. I thought their offense was going to be better. The best defenses I saw today, other than San Francisco and Dallas, the Tennessee-New Orleans game was actually some really good defense and pass rushes on both sides, or pass rushes, as Chris would say.

But I actually thought, I'm interested in both of those teams because those teams are both physical and they had the misfortune of just playing each other. But I think there's a lot of teams, both of them would have beaten. So those two stood out to me, but all in all, pretty sloppy. And the San Francisco-Pittsburgh being over in five minutes was probably the biggest disappointment of the early games, right? Well, what do we want to do? Do we want to give all these defenses credit, or do we want to crap on some of these quarterbacks? Or is it not their fault because they don't play in the preseason,

which is understandable because it's like a fireable offense to put your starter in in the fourth game if he gets injured. But the trade-off for that is you get terrible, terrible quarterback play in week one. It just becomes a preseason game. So I don't know. I'm pretty sure the Cowboys defense and the 49ers defense and the Eagles defense will continue to be good. But some of these others, I'm not positive. What do you do if you're Tennessee? They would have started Malik Willis or Will Levis, but it doesn't seem like those guys are ready. I mean, you for sure would have put them in to start the season. Yeah. I mean, the Pickett versus Purdy piece of that game, Purdy was lights out in the first half. He was so good.

And there was a couple times where he had to move around or make a throw, and he did. And Pickett was the opposite. He basically undid all the preseason hype, all the talk, how efficient he was. But this is the thing. After week one, I'm not willing to write anybody off. There's a couple teams that I think stink.

And just because Pittsburgh got killed by San Francisco, we know how long the season is. We usually do. We usually do cross a playoff team off. I have a special cross-off list for you coming up.

Okay. All right. But the big, big piece of today, and we buried the lead. What are we? Almost eight minutes in. Yeah. YouTube TV comes in. They take, and granted, they've done some sponsor stuff for The Ringer and for this pod.

So I'm divorcing everything I'm about to say. Direct TV has this four screen thing. For how many years did they have that? Like what, 12, 15? Did we have that? Where every year we were like, what are they doing with this? Why can't I pick the games?

Why is there stuff on the left side? Why is there ads on the left side and the bottom that shrink the boxes? Why don't I have more choices with this? It would be so cool if it was just the four boxes all next to each other. I'm not even going to say it would be cool to be able to pick the games because that's too crazy. That's too much to ask. Just give me the four boxes that fill up my TV. And YouTube TV pulls it off. They have this multi-view. And I didn't even realize we could pick any combination we wanted.

So it could be you could have the four games or you can scroll to the left. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Kyle was there with me. We were like, do we do red zone in the three games? They had all these different mixes. It can't be every combination. They had every combo. I'm telling you.

There were eight games. Every combination of four for eight games? They had every combo. I did feel like I was going blind reading a Cheesecake Factory menu because I'm like, okay, which logo? I was playing Concentration or something. I really couldn't figure. It was a test.

It keeps our brains going. So we settled on these four games, and then I had the two TVs next to my big TV. And we had six games going legitimately. And I was like, really, I felt like I saw more football today than I've ever seen in my life. So stuff like the Tennessee-New Orleans game, we could actually see how physical that game was.

And then some of the other ones, like Arizona-Washington. Washington was super lucky to win that game. Arizona was lingering and lingering and lingering. They had a quarterback who barely seemed like he knew the offense, but a lot of those early games got really close. What jumped out to you in the early games? Let's see. San Francisco.

I like being right about San Francisco, Pittsburgh. I like being right. That was good. That was good. Although I don't know. I'm not sure how much of a lap I should do for Cleveland Cincinnati. That was such a was there a monsoon or was it just like

lightish rain because nobody could throw a pass like borrow was bad again. He didn't play in the preseason. We understand but I don't know what no one could complete a pass but the Browns seem to be more physical. So I like that. I hate it. Wait, hold that thought. Hold that thought on the Browns.

I thought their defense, we should have mentioned them earlier. I thought their defense was great and I couldn't tell if it was rust with Burrow, weather, fact that the Bengals got behind or the Browns might actually have a really good defense because Deshaun screwed up a couple plays

in the first part of that game. But I didn't take them for million dollar picks, but I did bet them this weekend. I talked myself into that with the Rusty Burrow thing. I think that's something to remember going, you know, for future years. These quarterbacks, no matter how good they are, when you just don't have a training camp

and you just get thrown into these games, especially on the road, like, they were terrible. Like, he was missing throws all over the place. Yeah, there's a couple things. House did a great thing by parlaying. It was so simple. Parlaying the rookie quarterbacks who have atrocious records

in week one and especially on the road. Rookie quarterbacks all to lose. I think it paid like two to one odds. Don't even worry about the spread. So you're talking Richardson, Bryce Young, and C.J. Stroud. And none of them actually covered. So you could have gotten like six to one on it but so that was good but those guys played all year but they were rookies so but you're right yeah

you almost have to gauge a little bit of the preseason but then again what would you do that's probably what sucked you into the Steelers because um Kenny Pickett was so good in the preseason right yeah well and also their home it didn't seem like this is the type of team they can punch them in the mouth. But you know, the thing you realize with the Niners, as long as those three guys are healthy, the Debo, Kittle, and McCaffrey, if you're just getting all those three playing, you almost have to adjust the line by like five points. And as the year goes on, we'll see if they can stay healthy. But yeah um, but yeah, I thought to me, I thought this, this being able to see the four games on, on bigger boxes was the biggest. I remember the first time I got Sunday

ticket, I was living in Charlestown and it was the first time I could watch more than just the stupid games they gave us in Boston. And I remember thinking like, this is amazing. Like, I feel like I'm going to go up a level with what I understand about football, being able to watch and pick and cherry pick. And I felt the same thing with the four box today. Like, um, I just felt like I saw almost everything. The only game we didn't really watch was Baltimore Houston. Cause that one seemed over pretty fast. We didn't watch Arizona Washington until the second half, but those are the two that I more or less left out, was Baltimore-Houston because that one seemed over pretty fast. We didn't watch Arizona-Washington until the second half.

Those are the two that I more or less left out. But that one got pretty good. Yeah. And then we took Pittsburgh-Kansas. We took Pittsburgh-San Francisco off as soon as that was done. I only have one critique

for the YouTube. Well, first of all, how much do they sponsor us for? Yeah. Keep it like a really light critique. A light critique? Like a positive critique. Well, I'm probably the only one who cares about this in the country

because I have to watch these things like I'm a freaking air traffic controller. But I would like an eight box. I want to give me an eight box. I had an eight box. Maybe that's for them. We'll ask Santa YouTube if they could throw the eight box at us. Give us an eight box, Santa YouTube. It's fine.

You just put the two fours together. So that's so the the other big one so going to the later games Tyreek was the best guy

in the in any game today he was unbelievable and I know like people are like oh yeah 215 yards

two TDs that almost didn't capture what was going on in that game every time they needed a play we kept looking Hench came over for the late games People are like, oh yeah, 215 yards, two TDs. That almost didn't capture what was going on in that game. Every time they needed a play, we kept looking. Hench came over for the late games with me and Kyle. Every time we looked at that TV, Tyreek was just wide open in the middle of the field with nobody within six yards of him. We were saying, how great of an athlete does somebody have to be when you're playing at

the highest level of football and you're still just wide open seven times. Then he makes the big catch to set up the winning drive. And then he makes this touchdown catch to win the game that the guys draped all over him. It was a perfect throw by Tua. And yet again, we had a Chargers choke, right? Yeah, I'm bummed out because on Cousin Sal's winning weekend on FanDuel TV, we go over all the games.

And this week I had Harry on and we ran out of time. Otherwise, I had Tyreek Hill for two or more touchdowns, a plus 550. But we ran out. Harry ate the time. He actually literally ate all the time. He's that hungry. So I love that. And, you know, I'm going to change my tune on Tua.

Like, I still don't know what the rules and everything, how long he's going to last. But as long as he's in there, he's so much fun to watch. He's so great to watch. It's not like I should just be recognizing this, but 466 yards and three touchdowns and just sipping it in there to all different guys. That game was the most fun for the day, no question about it. Yeah, we were saying it was almost like an arena game. It's just, it just seemed like anybody who had the ball, they could just get 20, 30, 40 yards of pop to, it was great. Um, the biggest thing to me at the end of the game was the chargers, the dolphins miss an extra point. So the, so dolphins, they take the lead. Oh my God, we did it came from behind and they missed the extra point, and there's like two minutes left.

And it's just like, ah, I've seen this before. Now the Chargers are going to go down and score. But it's the Chargers, so you kind of... I've also seen them completely blow the situation. And the Dolphins, they just took over that last drive. I think, did they have two sacks or three? But they were like, you know, the Chargers are going backwards, backwards,

and they basically eviscerated them. I picked the Dolphins to win the AFCs before the year because I thought they had the most talent. And it's going to come down there. Can they get four months out of two? But I do think they have the most talent. Like you watch Waddle and Hill together. Most of it looked fast today, I thought. They didn't even have their rookie running back that they thought they were going to have as a backup. But they just have so much speed. And I think that's going to end up being the best team in that division. Unless he goes down again.

That's the whole thing. Because Mike White does not have a lot of talent. He'll do some other things. He'll beat the Bengals once in a while or something like that. So that's it. And I hate betting that way. Like, no, no, no, this team's going to be bad eventually because this guy's going to get hurt.

I hate that. And I think that bit me on the ass with the Rams. I mean, should we go over what we were most wrong about? Yeah, let's do regrets. We'll take a break and then let's do that. Get ready for the NFL season with incredible offers from FanDuel, America's number one sportsbook.

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nailed another little Luca Brazzi bet so it would really be five and one for the week and we made some money too so wait until Thursday for Million Dollar Picks. Revamped it, doing it on Thursday nights this year right after the Thursday night game. So as late as possible. And very excited about that.

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I really can't. And now Monday nights are all about hockey. That's right. There's a new exclusive home for streaming Monday night NHL hockey. And it's on Prime. All season long, watch Prime Monday night hockey deliver unreal plays, the biggest goals,

can't miss moments. Matthews, McDavid, Crosby, the NHL's best. They're all on prime, prime Monday night hockey. It's on Monday. It's on prime. All right, coming back. You wanted to go what we were the most wrong about. Before we do that, before we get self-critical, I'm really proud of us for some of the, you

know, on the FanDuel show you guys did today, you called it the rat game. Yeah. I called it on my Thursday, I called it the Luca Brasi fishy game, which was Cardinals plus seven. You guys were all over that Seattle Rams line. Like, wait, this doesn't look right. What's going on with this? And then the other one was Minnesota, Tampa. Those were the three that were pulsating. Like, be careful. Don't do this. What's going on with this? And then the other one was Minnesota-Tampa. Those were the three that were pulsating like, be careful. Don't do this. Something's wrong. Don't go down that alley.

And those games went 0 for 3 if you took the favorites. Oh, by the way, that's a good branding thing. Don't go down that alley. That was good, fellas, right? No, no, no. The dresses. I got to see my mom. It's guys the dresses yeah yeah i like that uh yeah and you knew and you know immediately with those games right you knew immediately with tampa minnesota you knew

uh immediately with arizona washington it was going to be close and that seattle rams i mean i'll i'll start with seattle and the rams like i i love love the Rams to be the worst team in the league. It was 10 to one. And then it went to like plus 650 last week. I'm like, Oh, they're onto it too. But those guys,

and same thing with Tampa, they got some ballers on defense, some veterans who are just going to play their asses off, you know? And, and well, hold on. The Tampa thing,

the Tampa thing was almost more impressive because their defense was pretty good in that game. And then you see they have Evans is out there. It's like, oh, well, he's good. And Mayfield was pretty confident. They're like, all right, well, he's at least been in the playoffs before. So that made me wonder, could that have been the out of nowhere playoff team, Tampa, where they could go 9-8 and they and they're 17. We're like, whoa! Because the odds on them are like

plus 500, right? To make the playoffs or something crazy. I told the Ringer Wise guys, this division is going to drive you nuts, the NFC South. So why don't you save some of your hair and just wait until week 14 or 15 and you'll still see odds for plus 180 or plus 220 and the division will still be up

in the air. But yeah, the Buccaneers will do that to you. But yeah, you're right. They have Devin White and Levante David and Antoine Winfield, like all these guys. Like, oh, yeah, those guys are good. They were either blue chippers or still blue chippers. And 20 to 17, and Kirk Cousins just, I don't know what it was. I was loving Jordan Addison. I loved everything about this team.

He looked good. Until they couldn't convert a third down. It's disgusting. So that's my big disappointment. I love them. They finally lost a one-score game. I guess they deserve it. But that's my big disappointment right now.

Mine is Pickett and Pittsburgh. Yeah. Like, whatever. San Francisco, if they're better, so be it. But to just get your absolute asses kicked, the Giants, that was a manpower thing. And Dallas has owned them over the years.

And, you know, but the, the, the Pittsburgh thing, I'm not willing to give up on that team, but we definitely like the bandwagon. We went off the road.

It was a little like the Griswolds and vacation. Like we actually, like we jumped something, we landed, we had, we, all the tires blew out, but we might be able to get back on the road. like the Griswolds in vacation. We actually jumped something. We landed. All the tires blew out. But we might be able to get back on the road. I don't know.

The other one, I don't know about. You say the NFC South isn't fun. I actually disagree. I think it'll drive you crazy, though, by trying to figure out who to pick. You'll end up betting three of those teams in the next six weeks to win the division. Counter. New Orleans just might be pretty good, and we know they have an easy schedule.

And Carolina, to me, is one of the four worst teams. That was one of the worst teams I saw today. Offensively, I remember we talked about them for the least points in the league. I think it was 8-1. I think it's going to be really hard for them to score. I don't see it.

Their offensive line isn't good. Bryce, all the rookie QBs, but especially asking him to do that. Yeah, he was the least impressive of the three, I think. He was. 24-38, two interceptions. Yeah, and you couldn't beat Desmond Ritter who had 115 passing yards. That was a bizarre game, and I should

have let go of my Atlanta bias and bet it, but if I could add one more, and you talk about owning, I feel like that needs to count more when we consider odds and lines week to week because the Packers own the Bears. I guess it doesn't matter who's quarterback, right? McVay owns Pete Carroll. You have to go according to that.

You have to follow it. You own three city blocks in East Hollywood, right? So everything needs to be considered when you go over these dumb things. But the Rams just... I think Seattle had two yards in the second half. I had a big parlay with Seattle plus seven and a half. Plus seven and a freaking half. And I couldn't cash that.

Moralizing. Seattle's one of the teams. I couldn't find seven teams that I thought from last year's playoffs were going to leave the playoffs. And I had Seattle and the Giants in my playoff picks for this year. But I knew I was wrong about somebody. And it turns out I was probably wrong about both. Seattle, they lost Charles Cross, their tackle today.

Witherspoon didn't play. You could argue maybe they overachieved a tiny bit last year. Now the schedule is a little harder to come back to earth. But this was a team that I think a lot of people felt like after the top three in the NFC, maybe they were in that Detroit kind of section. But I thought the Rams just looked good. And this never happens. I thought the Rams just the Rams just look good and they had

this never happens. The rookie receiver who's a fifth round pick and you always hear about these hype guys and it always ends up being like Marquise Colston right? It's like oh watch out for Marquise Colston they think he's the next Michael Thomas and then you draft him and he does nothing. This fucking guy in the Rams had like

10 catches for 120 yards. Two guys. He was like borderline dominant. 2-2 Atwell and Puka and Makua. Like nobody told me about these guys, that they were going to show up. Right. And then we got DK Matkaff just slamming people all over the field

and like shrugging his shoulders. What a garbage team that was Seattle today. The thing I'm the most happy about that I didn't get involved with was the Chargers because to me it's the same old Chargers. It just is. They had no home field advantage which we knew. They cut to these Miami scoring touchdowns. They're cutting to

entire sections of Dolphin fans. Then we have to hear about how unstoppable and great this Chargers offense is. And they do have stretches where they look awesome. But when they needed to put together a 40-yard drive at the end of the game to kick a field goal, they just went backwards.

And I just don't trust the coach. And I don't believe in them. The other one that I feel vindicated on, I feel good about, is the Packers-Bears. We talked about that a lot. They had the same over-under. There was a FanDuel bet where it was like, Packers plus 122 will have a better record than the Bears. We talked about that a lot. They had the same over-under. There was a FanDuel bet where it was like, Packers plus 122 will have a better

record than the Bears. And we were talking about, is it better to just bet that or bet this game straight up? They fucking smoked the Bears. Right. And if you're a Bears fan, you're like, oh, we got DJ Moore. We had a good draft. Like, they looked like exactly the same team as last year. Fields is becoming the king of garbage time.

Who was the old king of garbage time? Uh... To me. Fields is becoming the king of garbage time. Who was the old king of garbage time? To me, Fields is like that. There was one guy we used to make fun of. Wasn't it? Wasn't it? Oh, yeah.

It was Matt Stafford. Right. And then he won a Super Bowl. Right. But Fields is definitely one of those. Yeah. Maybe,

maybe look at his stats when the game is within 10 points. They're just not good. I'm glad you're saying that because I think the Packers being great and the Packers being back and, oh, we don't need Aaron Rodgers to see. Maybe Rodgers

shouldn't have even played last year. I think that is going to be the biggest overreaction of the weekend. If one of the rookie quarterbacks had won, it would have been that, but I think the Packers almost doubling up the Bears in Chicago. And God help those fans. They must be distraught, right?

The Packers have this huge streak against them. Rodgers screaming about how he owns them. Rodgers was bad last year, and they couldn't even beat him once last year. Now, okay, we have some relief. Jordan Love's coming to town, and it wasn't even close. They have so much work to do, the Bears, from last year, right? It's not just a team with a couple wins. Their defense is bad. So bad.

Their defense is bad. How could they have expected to win six and a half games? What more did you want to see from Jordan Love in that game? I mean, they didn't have Watson. I thought he looked really good. He got to the point where we took the game off one of the TVs because they were up by like

20 plus. I don't want to overreact with the Packers, but I had already picked them to win the division. So I feel like I was probably overreacting with them. Is Aaron Jones okay? I know he stepped out early, Aaron Jones. Yeah, he pulled up lame on a touchdown, which wasn't awesome. So more stuff that happened today.

We had a happy Washington football moment. That was weird. They actually had a crowd. They came back from behind. They had a stop in the old players' clubs. They had a stop in the fourth quarter.

The fans are excited. They're wearing jerseys. I was like, oh my god. Just an unbelievable Snyder era where your team can be probably the worst team in the league and people are reacting like it's another Super Bowl. But that's probably what it felt like that they got rid of that guy. And almost a crazy cover at the end.

I don't know if you saw, but if Arizona had anybody to lateral to, that would have been a 26-16 final. Well, you know what the craziest cover was? Freaking Pat's two-point. Oh, right, right, right. The Pats go, they cut it to five.

And the two-point, and this happens like five times a year where the line during the week goes from like four and a half to three and a half, right? There's money just everywhere on both sides. By the way, they're over under

45.5, 25.25. Oh, right. Matt Jones runs in the two points, cut it to three, and then they go, no, no, flag, call it back, and the Pats end up not getting any two point, and they lose by five and do not cover. Did you agree with the,

I thought they'd go for a field goal. Now I forgot what the score was, but I think they were down eight. Weren't they down eight when they passed on a field goal? Now I can't remember what the score was. They passed on a couple, there was a couple of decisions they made that I didn't feel awesome about.

I didn't like, I also thought they should have punted with two plus minutes left. But in general, that game was so weird because it seemed like they were done. Then they keep cutting

to Brady in the luxury suite and it was unclear what his emotions were. And he does that like kind of generic political candidate. I'll be a patriot my whole life and all that.

You know he doesn't care. And you know he's being nice and probably got some incentives to even be at the game in the first place. He's lost 25 pounds too. He just looks thinner and thinner and that annoys me too. Well, he lost 25 pounds in his body,

but he gained it with his hair. That's right. He has Michael Landon's hair from Little House on the Prairie now. But he came out at halftime, gave a speech. Did you see him? He ran around the field with his arm up.

And at that point, we were thinking maybe this leads to a Pats comeback. But what it led to was a Pats. Well, what it led to was a Pats almost comeback, and then Mack not pulling it off, and then looking at Brady in the suite and being like, yeah. I don't know what kind of split you're looking for. I know the Eagles defense kind of screws you up anyway, but you don't want Mack passing 54 times. Is that how many

attempts he had? You don't want Zeke fumbling either. I'm sorry for that. I take responsibility for Zeke. Mack had the bad pick six. That sucked. The Zeke fumble sucked. They still had a chance Baby Rhino made a huge play

somewhere on either the last drive or the second to last drive where he just filled up entire space and grabbed somebody if I'm an Eagles fan because I have a lot of Eagles fans in my life

and all of them were bummed out it was like a bad win was how it was described. But I actually think the Pats might be good. And there's a couple of these games tonight where you have to go, all right, you're the Bears. Oh my God, they look terrible. They stink. And it's like, or maybe the Packers are good. And then the Bears aren't as bad as they looked in that game because they played a team that was better than you think. Same thing with the Eagles. The Eagles didn't look great in that game, but maybe the Pats are pretty good. If I'm looking at that, Mac Jones is always a question mark.

The belly zappy thing is fun to throw in there, but you want Mac Jones in there if he's good enough. I think he had seven pass catchers with three or more receptions and five or more targets. You definitely want a guy like that to spread it around and become familiar with, you know, as many receivers as he can. So that's, again, I'm talking you up because I don't want you to abandon this team. I'm not going to abandon it. I thought the receivers were better.

And the big thing, and we were laughing watching the game, it's just like we had an offense. We had purpose. We ran plays that were thought out ahead of time and designed to take advantage of certain things. And it's just nothing that they had last year. Last year was such an abomination of strategy and play calling. And this year there seemed to be real purpose. And they were around a win and they couldn't pull it off.

But I think ultimately, you know, I thought that was solid for them. The Raiders is another one where, you know, you look at Denver and you go, oh, man, if you can't beat the Raiders, what is this season? Russell Wilson had a huge first half, did nothing in the second half. It was 9 for 10 and hit seven receivers in that first drive, or first two drives. Like, oh, my God, they're going to put up 40 against this bad Raiders team. That died quick.

But I think if the Raiders are healthy, they're a little like the Rams where they have seven or eight really good players. And as long as all of them are playing, they're pretty good. I thought Jimmy G was really good. And it's interesting watching Atlanta and Ritter was the second worst quarterback I think I watched today with Tannehill being the first. We got to talk about him in a second. But Jimmy G was sitting there for, what, eight teams?

And he was good in that Vegas game. He really was. And that guy's won a lot of games, and he's just better than Desmond Ritter. Yeah, I don't know what to say about him. I mean, they're my team where if I bet on them, garbage performance. If I bet against them, I get shot in the ass every time. It's awful with the Raiders, first place Raiders. Well, you know, nephew Kyle, who's always loved Jimmy G and always loved Jacoby Myers,

I could see his attention kind of drifting to the Raiders TV a bunch of times. And then Jacoby took the worst hit of the day today. Did you see that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was over the middle, and the guy really helmet-to-helmet, late hit. They didn't even replay it. And Jacoby was out. They showed him. He was lying on the ground. Eyes open, out.

He was looking at the side, eyes open. He was out. Yeah, that's the scariest stuff. That's like a 20-minute one. Yeah, that was one of those where, as a football dad, I'm thinking like, okay, is this a good idea that my son plays football? It was hopefully the worst hit we see all weekend.

It's a bad segue, but what did you think of the onside kick? I felt like Sean Payton, like, no, I'm going to make this about me right now. And yet, it kind of worked, except they touched it early, right? That would have been a nice momentum build. And then the Raiders score on that drive.

That was a bizarre drive because they also had to take Jimmy G out because of a late hit for a couple plays. But they still scored. It looked like he got concussed there for a second. Right. Yeah. Anyway, that was interesting. Well, the Raiders are leading the AFC West.

Cleveland is 1-0, and their defense looked, I thought, legit. Yeah. Here's another thing that happened. The home teams got decimated today. Did you see the final numbers for this?

They're 4-11. Was it really? Yeah. The road teams were 11-4 against the spread. The dogs today went 8-7,

but 7 of the 8 won outright. And then the other number trend was there were three NFC versus AFC games, and the NFC went 3-0. And if you're moving toward the theory that the NFC might be better than the AFC, or at least top-heavy or something like that, it's just something to watch. Well, I wonder, though, maybe we should consider that with the home field. Because

if San Francisco goes to Pittsburgh in December, they still win by 30. But you know what I mean. It wasn't much of a home field, except that Pittsburgh's got a rabid fan base. But these games in September don't really matter at home, especially coming off a

preseason when half the guys haven't played. So I wouldn't consider home field as a big factor anymore. Warren Sharp talked about this on Friday's Pod with House about how Vegas has actually changed. When we were growing up as young fledgling gamblers, it was always you had three points for being at home. And he said it's now 1.5. That's what they factor in.

So you've lost a point and a half with that. We gotta talk Tannehill. He was so bad. He was the reason they lost. He threw three picks and they dropped, they dropped a fourth and probably touched, I would say

three more. And it just didn't seem like he could complete out passes anymore. He missed. They ran a trick play at one point. And the guy's wide open. He just sailed it over his head. He just looked to me like he was done. And I think that Tennessee team's pretty good.

And they need to figure that out. If Malik Lewis isn't ready, what do you do? I can't believe they haven't figured it out. Right? It's like a year and a half. I know Levis is new, but they should have figured something out with Malik Willis. I don't know what they could...

I don't even know the value of a player anymore, whether it's a receiver or a running back or a quarterback, but isn't there someone... I'm trying to think who's out there that could... Because did you pick Tennessee to win the division? I still did. I did. I'm not going to give up on it because I think they have a good team.

But Tannehill cost them the game today. 5%, 7% better than Tannehill. I think they're in this race until the end. Honestly. I don't know who that quarterback is or if he's out there. And by the way, Ritter's another one. I just don't think you can win 9 to 10 games

with Ritter. I've still never seen him play even a decent game because I watched the games he played last year. I bet on him a couple of times, let us down. And then today, I thought they won despite him.

I didn't think he did that much. He had one nice start to Pitts near the end. Pitts also made a great play. You have Drake London. Was that you that had Drake London against me? I had Drake.

There was a couple zero. There was Drake London. Tee Higgins put up a couple zero. Like there was Drake London. T Higgins put up a goose egg. Right. Uh, all the chiefs receivers were a catastrophe on Thursday. There was some bad ones. The,

uh, the Bijan Algier thing, which seemed weird when they did it. Now Patterson didn't play today. Mm. The combo was amazing. I was thinking like Gibbs and, uh, Gibbs on Detroit and then Bijan.

Those are probably two of the, what, six most exciting running backs right now? Yeah, definitely. Top four? And he only had, well, only, I guess they're breaking him in, but he had 10 carries, right? And Algier had 15. So that's a nice one too.

And if you had Ritter, I know his yards weren't up there. He had 115. These stats are so weird for Atlanta to have killed Carolina. But he was 15 for 18. So if it's all checked down from Ritter and... He did. He stinks. No, I know. I don't see it.

He might not have to do much to compete in that division that everybody wants to bet. Maybe if they can have some leads in running game and get him confidence. I just haven't seen it yet. Maybe it's there, but I just haven't seen it yet.

We'll take a break and then we'll add one more thing I wanted to play with you and then we'll go to Guess the Lines. This episode is brought to you by Lines. Super Bowl, but your fundraising will support mental health, suicide prevention, and prostate and testicular cancer research. And if you don't want to grow a mustache, you could still walk or run 60 kilometers, host an event, or set your own goal and mow your own way. Do great things this November. Sign up now. Just search Movember. All right. So the second best thing that we didn't talk about today behind the multi-view, CBS decided they would hire J.J. Watt for their studio show, which already had five people. So it's like, well, who are they going to get rid of? Oh, is that it for Phil Simms? Maybe Bill Cowher, It's finally time. Or maybe Boomer. He's busy. No.

No. They just kept J.J. Watt. They moved him in. They have this six-man studio show, which is absurd. So then it's, well, at least in halftime, they're not going to do this, right? Nope. They do it at halftime. They have six guys for the halftime show.

I timed it, Sal. How long do you think the halftime show was with them going through the highlights? Six guys. Did they guess? Nine minutes. Three minutes, 20 seconds was the segment. They had six guys and they just went

they started on the far end and then at first they each read a highlight because it's always good to listen to ex-football players read highlights. Right. And then they actually go for some analysis and they basically just started on the far right and it just kind of went around.

Like it was clearly planned. So there's no back and forth at all. And it's just like, you go. Now you go. Now you go. Those are the best shows. Let's go to commercial. It's like five guys is too many.

Now we're going to have six. We're getting closer and closer to my Hollywood square stream of the nine guys in three stacks. We're only three away now with thanks to CBS. You know what I think it is, and especially with CBS, because they skew older anyway, right? CBS, that's the older network, the older shows. Old people have problems hoarding, right? They can't get rid of old newspapers. And so instead of getting rid of stuff, they just accumulate more. And this time

it's in the form of studio announcers. They go to Phil Simms who had a good broadcasting career once upon a time, but at halftime and he's like, the Eagles, that's a good team and does that thing. I was actually really interested to hear from J.J. Watt. He just played against all these guys for the last 10 years. He's the only guy, him and Burleson are the only guys on this show that have even been in an NFL game probably in the last

20 years. There's a whole thing in Hollywood that you get paid under five. If you deliver under five lines, you get paid a certain rate. If you go over five, you're considered a principal actor. Maybe he's an under five. If you deliver under five lines, you get paid at a certain rate. If you go over five, you're considered a principal actor. Maybe he's an under five. Maybe because they have so many people, they have to pay them as

under fives. I just don't know how networks are getting worse at this. How are you getting worse? Nobody wants a six-person anything. I'm going to make some quick proclamations. Tell me if you disagree or agree. Is Tyreek the guy now?

Jefferson had it for a second But if you're just going forward The guy as a receiver Who are you picking? Let's wait Let's wait on it Jefferson was so damn good Almost broke the record last year We could wait a little bit

We could wait Are we sure Tyreek wasn't a guy last year and his quarterbacks just got hurt? No, we're not sure about that. Definitely marked improvement when Tua's... But I don't want to give up on Jefferson. You think when Mahomes watches these...

Because Mahomes clearly is home today watching football. You think when he's watching that Miami game, there's got to be a couple moments where he's like, oh my like tony flat cadareous tony flashbacks yeah on paper it made sense they won the super bowl but right i think he's uh saying oh my god but it's because his wife is asking him to dust the uh pantry or something i don't think it has anything to do with football is is Tyler Algier secretly the best running back in the league

not openly just secretly is he the stealth it's like how they would call Bill Burr the comics comic for like five six years and then everyone's like no actually he's the best comic

is Tyler Algier just the best running back in the league you watch him when does he not get six yards it's like impossible. He was very good today. I'm looking at his stats. No, I'm not.

No, come on. What's the matter with you? Is it too late already for you? What's wrong? A thousand-yard rusher with three touchdowns last year. If Atlanta signed Jimmy G, would you pick them to win the NFC South? Oh, wow. Yeah, I think so.

And I think that's the same goes for Tennessee, even though I did already pick them to win the AFC South. But I think a guy like that could put a team like some of those South teams over the top. If you had to pick a team to finish last in the AFC North, what's your team?

It remains the same. Pittsburgh Steelers. I was down on this team. I know. And whatever. I know what they're going to do. They're going to be 6-8, and they're going to play everybody's backup

the last three weeks, and then Tomlin will get to 9-8. It's fine. But that's all there. I think it'll be better than that. That's fine. All right. Who's your last person?

I'll buy all your Pittsburgh stock. Go ahead. Who's your last person? I'll buy all your Pittsburgh stock. Go ahead. Who's your last question? I think there's some legitimate year from hell stuff brewing with the Ravens. Wow. Dobbins goes out

for the year with the Achilles. Ronnie Stanley got hurt, but it seems like he's okay. And then they lost their D-back too. And they don't know he might have torn his pec. They've already lost Humphrey.

Humphrey is out. They haven't even had their September receiver injury that they always have. And just in general, their defense was a little shaky anyway. And, you know, they have a really hard schedule. And I'm just monitoring them. I don't know why I got excited. Defensively, they're still okay. You know, Roquan Smith and, you know, they have Darby and Patrick Queen and those guys. But I got excited for Defensively, they're still okay. You know, Roquan Smith and, you know,

they have Darby and Patrick Queen and those guys. But I got excited for Zay Flowers. How often do you see Lamar hook up with a guy nine times, even though it was only 78 yards? It was decent. You mean it. But that whole division. On a football field. Right.

Every quarterback. Right, exactly. Every quarterback in that division was bad today. Right? Yeah. Who do you look to? Well, and then Cleveland lost Conklin. every quarterback in that division was bad today. Right? Who do you look to? Well, and then Cleveland lost Conklin, who's a borderline elite,

depending on how you rank the offensive lineman. He's at least in the upper echelon, and it looks like he's out for the year. So that was their biggest strength, other than the defense was their offensive line. We've got to figure out Joe Burrow, because is that a hidden? I think it's fine. We talked about this when we did the conferences. I thought they would start

slow and I still think they make the playoffs. I would love to look at their playoff odds as, who do they have this week? They have the next couple weeks. They're home Baltimore home Rams which the Rams game suddenly doesn't seem

as easy as it did before. Then they're at Tennessee, at Arizona, then home Seattle, and maybe Seattle's not nearly as good as we thought. So, who knows? They did move.

I'm looking like, I'm not worried about the Chiefs at all. Fandle moved it from 6-1 to plus 650. And the Bengals are also 650 for the AFC now. So who are your top

five AFC favorites? Mine or the real ones? Plus 650 Chiefs. Are you on Super Bowl or conference? Just conference. Plus 380 Chiefs. Plus 470 Bills. Plus 650 Bengals. Plus 950 Ravens. Are you on Super Bowl or conference? Just conference. Plus 380 Chiefs, plus 470 Bills, plus 650 Bengals, plus 950 Ravens, 10-1 Jets, and 10-1 Dolphins. You like the Dolphins.

You want to say the Dolphins? I think the Dolphins are the best ads, but this is what I said in the last segment. The three NFC teams would all be the best AFC teams. Dallas, San Francisco, Philly would be the class of the AFC and it wouldn't even be a question. You can get the first place Raiders for 38-1 if you want for the conference. Oh my God.

That Miami 10-1, that was always the best odds in the division or in the conference just because of the two-a-piece of it. All right. Let's do it. We two guess the lines. If you remember, I'm going to beat you? I think so.

That was way off on several. If you remember in week one, you kicked my ass. Mm-hmm. We two, I have no idea how I did.

I have not seen the lines. So, Thursday night, we were saying we were watching the Eagles-Pats game today, which is a pretty physical game, and it was a late Sunday game. And the fucking Eagles are playing four days later, basically.

They're hosting Minnesota. Like, I just, the NFL is nuts. But they get to host Minnesota, who might not be very good. I have the Eagles laying seven points on Thursday night. You get this one. This was my first big whiff. I had Minnesota getting five and a half, and it's seven and a half.

I got to let go of this Vikings being good thing. Yeah, they're not. Because Vegas doesn't care about what I think. So, yeah, seven and a half is that number. And immediately you're hit with another tease. Yeah. I think they're going to be a really nice live bet opportunity at some point

during the year against somebody who has a crappy secondary because the Addison, Addison looked good today. The Addison-Jefferson combo. I could see that team coming back from like 20,

you know, in the second half and the odds would be like plus 900 or something crazy. Sunday marquee. I went with Jags hosting the Chiefs for a couple reasons. One was the Jags,

I don't want to say they almost beat the Chiefs, but they could have beaten the Chiefs in the playoffs last year. They were at least in the vicinity of beating the Chiefs. It was ridiculous that they didn't. The guy was playing on his knees for crying out loud for the Holmes. I'm shocked I did this, but I had this as a pick-em.

Oh, wow. Jags at home against the Chiefs. Well, you might have been right if the Chiefs didn't lose last week. Now they have 10 days rest. And you're going to see all those stats with Andy Reid when he gets the rest advantage. I got it exactly. I said Chiefs by three. I think that ends up closer to being a pick-em.

It's my prediction. Go ahead and tease the Jags now. You get a full nine or ten, whatever you want. So Kelsey will be back, we think. Yeah. the Jags now. You get a full nine or ten, whatever you want. This is... So, Kelsey will be back, we think. Yeah. I don't know who the top two Chiefs receivers will be.

What did you think of the Jags today? I was surprised they couldn't put them away. That was another thing. I picked the Colts to be one of the worst teams in the league. I love their adjusted wins under and everything. I didn't think they were going to show up for these games and Richardson wasn't ready. Richardson got hurt.

I thought that was a smart thing. If you have your rookie quarterback in the first drive you're about to score from the three-yard line, make them run it in. Don't hand it off. Get the fans going. Get it crazy. I don't know. They hung around for a long time, much longer than I

thought they would. Maybe the Jags were just going through the motions. Didn't matter too much, but I don't know. Were you impressed? I was. I thought the Colts were better than I expected. I meant to talk about that in the last segment. I thought that defensively, they were definitely not like a crap team. Offensively, Richardson, you know, he sailed, what, seven passes, just went flying. But he's, he can move around. They're really good on like third and three, like the shorter

stuff because his ability to run. And I thought the Jags, like I really thought they made them sweat it out. I didn't feel like the Jags, that wasn't like a week 10, oh, we didn't take this. It's week one. You're taking everybody seriously. But I thought the Jags like kind of had to a week 10, oh, we didn't take this. It's week one. You're taking everybody seriously. But I thought the Jags kind of had to sweat that out in a real way.

Yeah, they won by 10, but that wasn't like a double-digit win. No, it was not a 10-point win. Yeah, they were in there. Because the Colts, they took the lead 2017, and it really seemed like they were just going to win the game. All right, so I'm off on that. I got three watchables.

Falcons-Packers. The Falcons are fun to watch. There's just a lot going on. Plus, as a home team, they're fun. And I thought the Packers were really fun to watch too. I have the Falcons favored by one and a half over Green Bay. You're going to get it because I was even further off. I had Atlanta by two.

Green Bay is favored by one and a half. Let me look at this Atlanta by two. Green Bay is favored by one and a half. Let me look at this again. Yes. Green Bay is favored by one and a half. See, this is what everyone's doing. This is nuts. This is nutty behavior by the betters. So that's an overreaction to the Bears win and kind of an

underreaction to the Falcons-Panthers game because the Panthers defense was good in that game for three quarters. I thought Burns played. I thought they were pretty physical. They made the Falcons earn whatever happened. Alright, next game. Bengals home

for the Ravens. I just have this Bengals minus three. Yeah, you got it. I had three and a half. I went slightly. Not that it's a must win but they need it more but yeah they put it right at three and they're going to let the betters decide which way this goes

I would stay away from the Bengals from a betting standpoint in September just wait we'll know the week it'll be in October but we'll know the week when they start looking like the Bengals again they did this such a weird team because like last year they lost their first two. I'm like, okay, well, let's look for someone else to win the AFC North.

They're like, no, no, no. They came back, and then, like I said, they lost to Mike White, right? And then they're right there in January. You'd be surprised if they weren't a Final Four team, right? Their offensive line was bad today, but I don't know if it was because the Browns defense was like fantastic. So we're, this is one of the things

we love about week two. Like we're going to have answers to both of those. Cowboys, Jets. This is in Dallas. Pretty tough. Like, you know,

we already were saying how those first six games look pretty tough for the Jets and for Rodgers. And now you think what the Cowboys looked like, you know, Jets offensive line, no idea what to expect

from them tomorrow night. But all of a sudden the Jets could be staring at 0-2 unless they could block this Bills game. I had the Cowboys by 6 at home. Wow. I had 4.5. It's only 3. I mean, this Jets love is ridiculous.

And I feel bad for all the Aaron Rodgers fans that came off as a likable guy on hard knocks, but he might spend some time in the hospital. I mean, this defense was ferocious. How is it only three? So the Cowboys, I mean, the Jets are underdogs tomorrow night at home on a Monday night against Buffalo by two and a half.

They're playing in Dallas and it's only worth a half point. They're not going to beat the Jets by 40. They won't win 40-0, but yeah, you're right. That makes no sense. This will go up. And I think Dallas is better than Buffalo.

Yeah, that line should go up. Fairly watchables. Bills Raiders. This could be kind of a sneaky one. This is in Buffalo, and I have the Bills laying seven. Oh, okay. Too low? I get this one.

Yeah, I said eight and a half. It's nine and a half. That's too high. They're not believing and a half. That's too high. They're not believing in Jimmy G. That's too high. Because first of all, the Bills don't have like an awesome defense.

And second, like the Raiders can move the ball. Jacobs is good. You know, they have, although maybe Myers won't play next week, but they have Adams and Jimmy G can throw.

Right. You know, even if they were down, they're down 14, they're a cheap touchdown at the end of the game, right? I can't do it soon. I can't get sucked into this Raiders thing again. You know me with this team. I'm looking to win the division. I have a short week too. You're right.

Lions home for the Seahawks. I put this in the Vegas zone. I got Lions by five. You get it. I said four and a half. Also, Vegas zone. I got lines by five. You get it. I said four and a half, also Vegas zone. It's five and a half. So it's three, three right now.

For people listening who aren't used to us, we call the Vegas zone any line four and a half, five or five and a half. Because it makes no sense to make a line to put it in those three because there's really no way to bet it. Games don't end in that territory. And it just means that Vegas has no fucking idea what to do.

So this is a classic. Lions minus five and a half Seahawks. I think it probably stays around there. Back when we didn't have the legal way to go, we called it the Antigua zone. Where you have to go to Western Union to send money. But yeah, That's it. Tennessee is home for the Chargers. And I think the Chargers are going to be favored.

And I actually think it might be a mistake. I have Chargers minus one. I had Chargers minus one and a half. It's Chargers minus three. Jesus. And I'll guarantee this. This is going to be a stupid game with a stupid ending.

And I don't know how it's going to turn out. Can I just do a public service announcement for the people listening? Don't bet this game. Just don't. Don't bet it. Tannehill could... The Chargers could win by 30.

This could also be the Chargers win by by 30 this could also be the Chargers win by 2 this could be the Titans rush for 270 yards and we're all saying Brandon Staley should get fired just stay the fuck away from Chargers let's do it D&B do not D&B do not bet

last one on the fairly watchables 49ers at the Rams interesting two overreaction teams On the Fairly Watchables, 49ers at the Rams. Interesting. Two overreaction teams. The Rams, oh, they're better than we thought. The Niners, oh my God, that's the best team in the league.

At 49ers by eight. So you're going to get it. I said five and a half because I'm like, oh, they're going to overreact more to the Rams win, and it's a division game. But I think you're right, and I think they are considering the owning factor, right? Because this is... 49ers just thrashed this team, even when they were good, right? If I'm not mistaken,

so you get it. It's a full seven. Nice teaser game. I would highly recommend a tease. I don't imagine Matt Stafford doing awesome against that 49ers team. Yeah. You don't think Pacu Nakua and Tutu Atwell are

going to devastate those Niners cornerbacks? I do not. Poop fact though. We'll go quick. Bucks Bears. This is in Tampa. And from what we saw poop fact though we'll go quick Bucks Bears this is in Tampa and from what we saw today this feels like a classic

oh the Bucks oh I took I just put the Bucks in the eliminator because the Bears stink I'd be careful of this one too don't trust Baker Mayfield

I have the Bucks by three you're going to get this one too I said one and a half I don't know why I said one and a half. I don't know why I said one and a half, but it's two and a half.

Even that's low how I think about it. That's stupid. It should be at least three. This is not going to be a pleasurable game to watch either. I wish these quarterbacks were better. I can't get excited for a lot of these games.

Should we get YouTube TV to do a poopfecto multi-view and just brand it the poopfecto? Because I have four poopfecto games. Some brown, all the brown framing. Just poop dripping on it. Colts at Houston is another one. I'll actually watch some of this because

I enjoyed the Colts and I enjoyed Richardson. I actually had it and I thought they were well-coached. I have the Colts favorite by one and a half at Houston. You jerk. Oh, wait. The Colts favorite by one and a half at Houston. Oh, you jerk. Oh, wait. The Colts favorite by one and a half. No.

Okay. I had Houston by two and a half. It's Houston by one and a half. Giants cards. It's at Arizona. You just want to be wrong. You want to move on. That's good.

I like that. Giants cards. Should we just both pass? It's in Arizona, and I have have the giants by two and a half and i feel terrible about it oh all right i got it i said four and it's four and a half oh come on let me check let me let me see because this was now i believe you it's just still four and a half yeah that's one of those where the giants beat beat Arizona and it's like, hey, we're 1-1. Right? Like, all right.

Put week one behind us. It was a 40-0 absolute beating where they put a red ball in our mouths like we were ding-ringed in Pulp Fiction, but it's fine. Now we're 1-1. I wonder, yeah, I just felt the Cardinals just won't get anything less than 3.5 all year, I guess, right?

If the Giants on the road are getting, it's a lot. In the Vegas zone, they got seven today. It's a lot. Can I make a confession? Yeah. I don't really mind Dobbs. No. I don't think he's awful.

I think he's better than a couple of the QBs we watched today, like Ritter and Tannehill. Right. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it was fine. Dobbs, that's why everyone's like, oh, Washington. It's like Dobbs against Howell.

We were talking about it on Wise Guys this morning. I'm like, why? Of course that could be the upset that screws everybody. You know, it wasn't. Turned out it wasn't, but that's a coin flip. Broncos commanders in Denver.

And I'm disappointed Ron Rivera is not going to be the first coach fired because I might have a wager on that. Oh. Although I never want anyone to get fired. But every year somebody gets fired, so it's a wager on that. I have Broncos by two and a half over Washington. We tie there. I said two and a half, and it's three and a half.

So that's a game. It's really tough taking Denver, giving three and a half in any5. So that's a game. It's really tough taking Denver giving 3.5 in any circumstance. Really tough. Yeah, that's a game where Denver wins by one and you don't cover. To me, it's another stay away. Sunday night, Dolphins at the Pats.

And Pats staring at 0-2. I do think from a secondary standpoint, they can hang speed-wise with Hill and Waddle. And those guys are going to get their yards, but they can at least, I think, keep them in check. But I also think the Dolphins are going to be favored.

I have Dolphins by one and a half. That's exactly what I had, and it's two. It's right there. Wait, so let's add these up here. This gets good. Eight for you. Seven. Eight for me.

Two left. Two games on Monday night for some reason. I have no idea why. Yeah. Not even week one. Saints-Panthers looming as an early lock of the week for me.

I don't know how the Panthers get to 14 points against the Saints unless they get special teams in defense. It's in Carolina. Not sure that matters. I have the Saints by three. We tie this one.

It's two and a half. I don't know why that's so low either. It should be a full three, but you're going to smoke me on this second Monday night game, so that'll be that. Steelers-Browns in Pittsburgh? Yep. I had Steelers by two and a half.

Oh! Wow! I had Steelers by two, and it's Browns by one and a half. Oh, the Browns are favored? What a win! Oh my god! Pulled it out! Wow, you might do it. You're going to have Cowboys going? You're beating me against the Lions? That's crazy! Unbelievable. That line it out. Wow. You might do it. You're going to have cowboys going. You're beating me against the lines.

That's crazy. Unbelievable. That line is crazy too. But they've talked about overreactions. This is not. Why are they favored? Is there an injury we don't know about? I don't even know what injury would help the Steelers. That is an overreaction line of all time.

What an insult to the Steelers. If this game was this morning, the Steelers would be favored by two and a half or three, right? That line was probably Steelers by three 24 hours ago. Yeah, they're expected to win the same amount of games, I think. I know we're going to be talking about this one all week.

All right, we're going to take a break. Congrats on beating me. Then we're going to come back and do Parent Corner with a special guest. We are supported by NFL Sunday Ticket on YouTube and YouTube TV. We've been talking about them a little earlier in the podcast.

If you're a Displaced fan, NFL Sunday Ticket, an absolute must-have. And now that it's on YouTube and YouTube TV, it is easier than ever to keep up with all your favorite teams on Sunday afternoons

since you can watch four preset games at once on multi-view, which was absolutely incredible for week one. So if I had to pick any four games for, I think the best four games for week two, Chiefs Jags, Packers Falcons, Bengals Ravens, and Cowboys Jets.

Now I'm not sure all of those are at the same time, but that would be the ultimate multi-view, I think, for week two. Regardless, thanks to NFL Sunday Ticket on YouTube and YouTube TV for sponsoring this segment and for making Sundays a lot more fun. I'll tell you that much. It truly is the best place to keep up with all your favorite teams out of market, Sunday afternoon games, even if your team stinks. And right now, you can get $50 off your subscription when you sign up at youtube.com slash BS. Those are my initials. BS. Terms and blackout restrictions apply. Offer ends September 19th. All right. It's time for Parent Corner. And since this is the official start of the NFL season

heading into week two, we brought in a special guest, our cousin, Jimmy Kimmel. How are you? Wow. What's happening? Hi, cousins. How are you? We're good. It's been so long. You have a new podcast that you're doing with the four other late night hosts that is being helped by Spotify, but it's billable on all platforms called Strength Force 5. What's it like to be a podcaster? I happen to have it standing by, yeah. By the way, I don't think you'll ever give in anyway,

and I'm not even sure they don't like it for real, but you can't never stop. Yeah, you can't stop, no. Here's it. Seth doesn't like it for real, but you can't never stop. Yeah, you can't stop now. Here's it. Seth doesn't like it. Right. Jimmy Fallon doesn't seem to have an opinion on it either way. Steven, I think, kind of favors it but isn't sure,

and John Oliver loves it, so it might stick around for a while. English people. Whenever the title is uttered, Jimmy's right there, right there at the ready. Whenever you say the, whenever anyone is to say the word strike force five, and it's a lot. Oh,

we should do, by the way, we should do over unders on how many times he's going to, he's going to hit the button. That'd be a good bando thing. Yeah. It's like eight and a half. I would say. Yeah.

Yeah. That's smart. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I think I will just don't tell me so i can keep it fair right no of course so sal and i have been doing parent corner for a long time i would say at least like eight or nine years and the key to parent how did it get a name so well when the sperm goes through oh how did it oh i thought he was really asking yeah this was all simmons actually yeah did you guys hear the did you guys hear my um the vasectomy story the vasectomy that didn't happen on the podcast yes well the follow-up to

that story is my wife and i have now forgotten two times since then that I didn't have a vasectomy. Yes. You know what I'm saying? How do you forget? I know what you're saying, but how do you forget? Real easy. I mean, I have other things on my mind at that moment. And like, like 15 minutes later, she was like, Oh no. Oh, Oh, so you may be having another little cousin sometime soon. Oh, that's great. And that's it for Parent Corner. No, I think Parent Corner started right when I had Zoe and Ben.

You're beet red already. I'm just sweating. All the gambling stuff. Yeah, when Ben just became such a character and you had kids and we started doing it. But the key to Parent Corner is little boys, especially little boys from the ages of, I would say, like four to ten. And Jimmy, you have one right in the wheelhouse, almost like Michael Jordan in the early 90s. Just the absolute perfect age. He's more like Dennis Rod rodman i'd say he's um he has a complete lunatic and as

and obsessed with his penis in fact i heard molly say today i was in the kitchen washing the dishes and i overhear her go billy your penis is not for entertainment and i i happen to disagree but i didn't want to get into it yeah that's just a bold-faced lie don't lie to your children yeah exactly so we're watching um the flash ironically um the other morning and we're sitting there just the two of us it's like 7 30 in the morning and he says dad do you eat hot dogs and i said yeah and goes, do you eat many hot dogs? I said, yeah. Then I hear nothing.

And then I look over at him and he's got his dick out and he goes, don't eat this one. How great is that? That he let him into it. He totally let me into it. It was great. And then he did the same routine to his mother uh she was not as amused but he also i was teaching you know kids love tape measures even though they like you know they attack like a like a like a wild snake if you when you let

them loose you know that tape measure coming back at you but little boys especially love tape measures and so i was trying to show them how it worked and we're measuring the table and i was measuring his height and um uh and yeah i again turn my attention to something else and i turn around and he's um measuring his penis with the tape measure i said yes and she go he goes he goes what could be better than that how long is the poops penis stage i don't remember but i remember being multiple years so like two and a half to three well for, for me, it's still going. I'm 55, so I'm not really

sure. I mean, for little kids. Really six? Yeah. It's like five to seven? Five to seven and a half? It's tough. If you have a two-incher, you're going to talk about it for a while. It's a thrill. He likes to get

naked. That's his thing. He's been begging me to take him to a nude beach because he asked me, he said, Dad, can you take off your clothes on the beach? And I said, well, yeah, I mean, you can take off your shirt, but you can't take

off your shorts. And he said, well, is there anywhere you could take off your shorts? I said, yeah, actually, at a nude beach, you can do that. And he goes, well, I want to go there. And I said, well, why do anywhere you could take over a few shorts? I said, yeah, actually at a nude beach, you can do that. And he goes, well, I want to go there. And I said, well, why do you want to go to a new beach? He goes to see people's privates. And now he's bugging his mother to take him to a nude beach.

And she's like, well, how do you know? Why do you know about this? And I act like, I don't know. Well, and she just just what's her family situation with like the amount of females that were in there versus like has she ever been around a crazy little boy before? Well, she has an older brother and a younger

sister. She's the middle one. So she hasn't she had no idea was like this and really like was really wanting a second girl. But now I think is delighted to have a little boy because I think that, you know, there's always closeness between.

And there's no vasectomy. So she could have a second girl, right? Maybe there'll be more coming. She very well could. What's Jane's reaction to all of this? She mimics her mother, but also is quietly delighted.

So I think she has both of our reactions. She sometimes really gets into it billy said he's in kindergarten you know and the teachers they're learning to draw shapes and teacher says okay now we're gonna draw balls and he goes oh you want to draw my balls he's got like 75 stories ready billy he wanted to know what's inside the balls he has questions like a stoner like at night he he comes up with weird questions like um do skeletons bleed was a question that he asked which is pretty good um he asked um can the earth shrink um he said mom put your finger in my butthole. That was not,

that was more of a statement than a, um, than a question. And here's the best one. This is the most stoner question of all. Do leprechauns have bosses? Wow. Oh,

interesting. Yeah. There is like some sort of Venn diagram of, of people stoned in college and then boys around this age and the questions and things they come up with yeah jimmy i don't think you need to you don't need to pay anyone to write three ridiculous questions anymore you do that segment for um diageo um brand flick it right i mean he's right he would he would demand that i pay him if i asked him to do that so does he have like he could

be on a tv show potential or like what kind of character are we talking here? We're thinking maybe prison, but TV show possibly. Yeah. He's very, listen, we got a lot of weird. This kid reminds me more of Sal than any child in our family, including Sal's own children. He has a, he never answers a question seriously. He does very ant-social things without thinking twice he is um sal used to get naked a lot too sal used to streak when he was a little boy

and there was one story in fact it's funny we i showed the kids the movie escape to which mountain the original one which is uh you know it's an absolute classic and i was telling the kids a story of sal in my backyard in brooklyn showed our cousin sally his penis she ran in the house to tell on him locked the door behind her it was one of those glass backyard doors they'd have in brooklyn with like wrought iron and glass and Sal at about four years old, punches way through the glass and had to get a lot of stitches in his hand. Oh my God. And I'm not never forget this either. The gift he got after his hospital visit was the soundtrack album to escape to

which Mount, which I was watching the movie and going, what songs could pop? There are no songs in the movie. It's just like, like scoring. It's a score, right like like scoring it's a score right yeah it was a score all right i mean i didn't get an album so easily and by the way in

1976 having someone threaten to tell aunt chippy on you was the scariest thing and much scarier than which mountain let me just say that yeah yeah yeah it was a witch mountain of its own right sal do you do you uh you still have harrison in his parent corner prime what do you got for us oh yeah uh well it's interesting now because um his buddies from his baseball team decided to do a fantasy draft last tuesday night and as you know we had our own fantasy draft tuesday night so i couldn't go with him like all the other fathers were going to go and oversee their kids picks by the way we never talked about our fantasy draft how our

lunatic friend Brad he knows about it okay so I'll just so we're going he has a draft that I can't attend but I write him out this great cheat sheet I think it's great for a snake draft don't take a quarterback until the sixth or seventh round.

Before that, zigzag running backs and wide receivers all the way up to the, you know, you take a quarterback and then make sure you get backups the rest of the way, right? He's like, okay. So what I failed to realize is these are nine-year-olds and they're in love with quarterbacks. So everybody took a quarterback and Harrison was left with Derek Carr, right?

As probably his best player. So he comes back upset because now like Yahoo will give you a grade and he got like a D minus grade before he even started. So he's, and his kids are laughing at him. And now he's mad at me because of my cheat sheet and everything. I'm like, oh Jesus, what have I done? So the Thursday night game comes and he's a big Chiefs fan because the first year he could really root for a team. The Chiefs won the Super Bowl.

And that's all it really takes in my stupid house. So I'm no one to, you know, what am I to say? I'm a Cowboys fan from my kids were rooting hard for the Cowboys tonight because they were 33 to nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Right. That's good. That's good.

So anyway, he's a Chiefs fan. There's no talking him out of it. Patrick Mahomes came to Jimmy Kimmel Live, and my cousin Mickey got an autograph, so now he's dug in, except for the fact that he has David Montgomery, the running back for the Lions, starting on his team. And when David Montgomery scores, he calls me, and I forget where I was Thursday night.

Oh, I was taping the show. And he's going crazy excited about David Montgomery playing against his team, his team he roots for, scoring. I said, listen, you can't do that. You got to root for your team. I'm nipping this in the bud right now. You have to root for your team. He's like, no, no, no.

My fantasy team is my team. And I'm like, you have to root for this. Now I'm yelling at him to root for the Chiefs. I'm like, why do I care if he roots for the Chiefs or not? But I'm not even sure if I handled that correctly or not. But he's going to root for his fantasy team and not have a team. Maybe it's better to have one less thing to worry about. Did you share the reason the other drafter on that night with Bill?

Did you talk about? Oh, my wife also had a draft with her friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she had that happen. And she had Danielones as a quarterback tonight and she was freaking out it really is a weird thing like uh you either don't care or you

really really really care and um yeah i spent about an hour with your wife melissa today and she a couple of times checked to see how she was doing and she was winning oh my god yeah yeah every so understand there was a Tuesday night on which every member of the Iconos family had their own fantasy draft going. It's true. It really is a fantasy. We were watching the Pats game today,

and Tyreek Hill was doing well. And my son was sitting between me and Kyle, and he hopped on ESPN and just started doing a draft because he wanted to have Tyreek Hill in a draft. Wow. He drafted this whole team next to us. Like week one nearly over. And we were just, I just don't know what's going to happen to that generation just in

general. They just want everything right away. Right. Right. Well, the fact that they'd sit. Yeah. Right. The fact that they have the attention span to sit for a two hour draft is, that's, I

guess, commendable at this point. So Harrison's fantasy team is his team. That's what he's going to wear that as a hat and t-shirts. That's the one. If you can get a logo, that's done. What's the name of the team? I'll work on a logo. You know what? We have to think of a name because you could change it. Otherwise, they just stuck him with a stupid name, but we have to think of something else. The Harrisos.

The Harrisos. Yeah, they just stuck them with a stupid name, but we have to think of something else. The Harrisos. The Harrisos. Yeah, it's not bad. My parent corner, so my son had a football game on Friday night and then my daughter's playing in college

and they streamed the games. So we had, went to the game on Friday and my son took a couple, like, you know, football's not a non-violent sport. Took couple of hits. Like his arm was all swollen after. And just in general, he played both ways. So every play is like the most tense thing ever.

Cause you just, you just don't want anyone to get hurt for three hours. So we finished that. And then we watched the soccer game on Saturday and my daughter started the game and 12 minutes in and it's those cameras where like the cameras, they, they move automatically, but sometimes they miss the play. So there's a throw in and they kind of missed the throw in and the camera moves and my daughter's holding her head and the game stopped and it's in front of the bench and they immediately like take her off and they, they have an announcer for the game and they immediately like take her off and they have an announcer for the game and it's like, oh, that's Zoe Simmons. And there looks like on the throw

in, she might've banged head. So she's going to come out. And my wife and I are like, and there's no side reporter. There's no, we have no family at the game. There's nobody to text. And we're just like, what just happened? Did she get a concussion? So now they're all standing on the sideline. And every time the ball goes by, we're looking to see like, is she sitting on the bench? Is she standing? I was like, oh, she's standing. That's good. And a couple of times she rubs it. And we're just like watching this for 40, it was like the most stressful hour. And the second half starts and she's back in the game. She was fine. It turned out it was, they banged heads and the girl hit her on the side of the head. So she had a bruise, but it was just like sore. It wasn't like a concussion thing. But by the end of Saturday, we went for a walk after my wife's like, I think I

have an ulcer from those two games. It's like too stressful. Are we going to just do this every weekend? There's this, like Sal, you're in the fun part where you're going to these nine-year-old baseball games and you know, you get to make fun of the parents and whatever. But when it gets this higher level where you're just, your kids are in danger every week, it's really fucking stressful. Yeah. My son really banged his penis at a soccer game because he had it out. He was trying to hit the goalie. He had his penis stuck in a tape measure.

Doctors don't know what to do they came out with the chains and he immediately put his penis right there on the stake and it was like a little shish kebab so the other thing that happened my son had a UFC party last night and he invited 8 friends over and he leaves to go on one of those scooters

like I gotta get stuff for the party and we're like what does that mean and he's like I scooters. Like, I got to get stuff for the party. And we're like, what does that mean? And he's like, I got to go to Rite Aid. I got to get stuff. We're like, okay. He comes back and it's just all of the stuff you just don't want anyone under 20 to eat.

It's like every bad fast food, just like Cheez Whiz and like just a bunch of Twizzlers and he just had all this stuff and puts it right in the middle

and all these meatheads watched this whole UFC event and we went down after and like it was like Beavis and Butthead. All of it was

either gone or in wrappers and I'm surprised because Rite Aid usually has the freshest best stuff and UFC fans

are usually very conscious of what they're eating. Yeah. stuff. And UFC fans are usually very conscious of what they're eating. Yeah, and they're just going nuts and doing the testosterone thing. And I was like, what a great age when you're 15. You can eat anything, drink soda. What if he came back with just a bag of rubbers? Like, he's like, all right, boys.

Dad, close the door. Do you have any young daughter any young daughter parent corners jimmy um you know it's funny i i i'm sure i have a lot of good stories maybe i'll come back to another parent corner because i'm sure i have a lot of stories about jane they're not quite as rock so billy's the character. Well, Jane is a character too, but in a very different way. Like Jane will spend every period writing a play and then casting kids in the play and then cutting kids from the play. And then the kids' parents get upset

that Jane's cutting them from the play. And we have to explain that that's show business. It's a great early lesson. But, um, Jane is a, is very different than, than Billy. Are you driving your family crazy during the strike or are they glad to have more of you? I think they're glad. I think the kids are glad to have more of both of us, you know, because we both work at the show.

So I think it's going to be a little weird for them when, when we go back to work. Now they have us driving them to school and picking them up every day. You're watching The Flash at 7.30 in the morning, eating hot dogs. Flash on a Saturday at 7.30 a.m. Can I make a suggestion for Strike Force 5, if I may? Yeah. Because you'll sometimes give us notes. I mean, it's been a while.

But no, no, no. I appreciate it. It's been four while. But no, no, no. I appreciate it. It's been four hours. It was about four hours. Why don't you trade John Oliver for Magic Johnson? No, no, I like John Oliver. No, why don't... You know what would be good?

Because it's Strike Force 5 and you're kind of like superheroes. Why don't you reveal what your superpowers are as talk show hosts? Who of you, I wonder, thinks they're the best at making small talk in between commercials for a lead guest? Oh, that's good. I like that. Things like that, I wonder, right? Or intros, or I'm trying to think, pretending to like the Bachelorette's childhood story,

you know, things like that. Or like without revealing the name, like the single worst interview you've ever had, just telling the story of what it was without saying who it was because I know you guys have a little. It would be hard to figure out what that was, you know? For you?

The story or the powers. Yeah. The stories like, I mean, there've been a lot of bad ones. I mean, the single worst interview, you can say every interview for the first three years was the single worst interview. Even the ones we thought were good. You go back and go, Oh no, that was very bad. Well, the worst one has to be the one that didn't happen.

Right. Who didn't show up? Someone got mad at your star Jones. Who was friends with star Jones? Vivica Fox or somebody. yeah yeah did she not show up or did she know the i can't remember one who didn't show up was the one who thought we were going to give a lie a force a lie detector test on him right and i can't remember who that was right i why can't i either i haven't written somewhere even possible you remember

that yeah i remember it i'm not going out there because there was because we gave uncle frank a lie detector test and this person who i don't know i think was a notorious liar felt we were going to somehow strap him into it and give him one too but it doesn't really work like that no no so will you tell the story of what happened at our fantasy draft, even though Jimmy's heard it? The audience. Yeah, Jimmy heard it. I told him we're at the beach.

But this is somebody that works for Jimmy. I thought I had a good idea. You know, it's my turn to kick somebody out because I won the league last year. Yeah. So I get to kick somebody out and I don't do it until the day of the draft and everybody's got their research done and everything. They have their laptops and it's an uncomfortable situation. And it's all I could think of.

I know Simmons, I have these three shows on Fandle TV and The Ringer and all I could think of, honestly, I had to prepare for those. But I had to figure out a cool way to kick whoever I'm kicking out out. And so we do it. To be clear, I thought he was kicking me out, Jimmy, because it would have been the funniest thing. Sal's going to go to whatever the comedy is. And I just thought since he was coming back and we were doing more stuff together and he'd be like, Simmons, you're out, would have been hilarious. I thought that would be good. Our friend Trevor flew out here for the draft. His wife is nine months and one week pregnant. And he flew out here for the draft his wife is nine months and one week pregnant and he flew out here

for the draft for the one night and then i also from kansas sorry and i had to pick him up from the hotel and drive him to the draft i'm like oh my god that would have been great with this bit you know that and there are some others that are good i'm so disappointed don't rush by that because i've never been more disappointed in you. That John Hamm story is nothing compared to, first of all, this guy. First of all, Trevor deserved to be voted out. His wife is nine months pregnant, and he's coming out for this stupid football draft. He could do over Zoom if he wanted to. Right.

And the fact that you didn't do that indicates that there's something wrong, that you're softening. No. Yeah, that's what it is. He's getting softer in his old age. Ten years ago, you vote him out. You don't even think about it. You're right. I got to start pulling my penis out more. But no, I was obsessed with the fact that we did it at Wheelhouse,

right? This house that Jimmy's company shares with them. It's a long story. Anyway, it's a nice house. It's a party house in Hollywood. We all did it. We got together and did it there. And it has a pool. And I was obsessed with the fact that there's a pool. And I said, why don't I take three people and have them jump in the pool? And the first two in the pool are in and whoever is in the pool last is out. They

have to leave. I don't know why in my mind, this was better than it turned out. Well, I know why better than it turned out, but Jimmy suggested putting a coin in the bottom of the pool, but I got there late and I couldn't set up a coin. So I narrow it down to Elliot, who's Jimmy's childhood friend, right? Who got me in the fantasy league when I first moved out here. And then I turned it around and added all my friends and kicked his friends out. Essentially, um, tall John,

who is a, a mixer and like, uh, you know, was like very verbally, um, I don't want to say abusive, but he was like,

you know, he mixed it up with me a lot over the year. I was like, okay. And it would be fun to see him jump in a pool. He's about seven and a half feet tall. And our friend Brad was the third candidate because I was like, all right,

he'll go in immediately. I won't even be done explaining the rules and he'll be in. So I explained the rules. First two in or in, last one is out. And Brad immediately was like, oh, I'm out. I'm done. I was like, what? This is crazy. I thought he would have spun into the pool by accident, right? Let alone jump in with all his clothes. He just sadly walked over to a chair and sat down and which made the other two guys took their clothes off and just yeah dunked in and that was it nah really like it like bummed me out that uh my my whole plan didn't pay dividends and then like i think a minute later he realized he had screwed up because as he's waiting

for his uber you hear it was nuts like in the front yard that could have been anything though really that's true that's true so let's can we rewind a little bit i want to know like what um what kind of um setup does one have to do when throwing a coin into a pool i mean like how much setup does that actually require? I don't even remember what the coin. I forgot what the, I don't know. It takes me a while. I was saying if you put two coins in the pool, whoever comes, that way they go under, you know, because technically.

But honestly, Brad could have died if he did that. It didn't matter anyway. I mean, only two went in, so I was screwed. But I don't really know. Like, this is a guy. He slept over our place a couple weekends ago, and we took him out for ribs. And his face gets just covered with barbecue sauce like 40 seconds in. And so he goes into the bathroom to wash his face, and it's a whole process.

He went into the women's bathroom twice and then comes out and announces. He's like, I did it again. I did it again. And like some woman like lodged a complaint. I'm like, oh God, I mean, imagine walking out of a stall and seeing that like they're just washing his face. So he doesn't really have a lot of shame. I don't know what happened. I really don't. He couldn't

even explain it to me. I think he wants the barbecue sauce to wash off of his face in the pool. Next time we fill the pool with barbecue sauce and we're fine. I think you're right. So your mistake was thinking our friend Brad would just immediately go in. What does he care? But it was the opposite.

So it would be down to the other. Yeah. I can't say like he has like the greatest balance at this point. Maybe he was afraid again, like wet and. It was in the ocean with us too. A few weeks ago. I don't know.

I feel like, Jimmy, I feel like Sal feels bad about this. Well, it didn't go the way he wanted it to go. And I think this was karmic punishment for not sending Trevor back on that plane to Kansas. But the other crazy thing is this is the third time Brad's been voted out since we started doing this like 12 years ago. We have

two different teams in our draft who've never been voted out. Yeah, that's true. I think so. Who are those people who don't get voted out? So Craig and Brian, Brian Barton. Very nice. They're very nice. You don't want to vote those guys out.

There's not a lot of any trouble. They're not big, big, like, but even those guys are like, I can't believe we haven't been voted out. Like people are now double and triple dipping on getting voted out. It's kind of like survivors under the radar, right? And the survivor, like the ones who like, you know, stand out, stand in the radar, even if they're the best players, you know? So

there's another Billy Kimmel. Go ahead. He's got a water gun held to the back of Molly, his mother's head. And Molly says, don't even think about it. And he said, I'm thinking about it right now. What is your discipline with him? Like, do you do like the finger to the cheek?

Like any sort of contact? What I do is I pretend that I'm not dying laughing. And then I go, Billy, put your pants on. Molly gets mad because I'm supposed to behave like a father. But the truth of the matter is I would be a hypocrite if I didn't laugh. And even though she pretends she doesn't think it's funny because she wants to teach him some kind of a lesson. He knows,

he knows, he looks at her. He knows it doesn't, he just knows. And she knows she thinks it's funny too. Cause someone, she retells the story. She's like laughing all the way through it.

Yeah. She does. Yeah. She doesn't want him doing it, but she thinks it's funny. Right. All right. So strike force five, you're doing, uh, it's funny right all right so strike force five you're doing

uh it's still still twice a week maybe a couple three timers if you get frisky yeah you know i think we've taped five of them and so um we have another new one number four i think coming out tomorrow and um yeah it's fun it's it started as a zoom that we put together every week and it was something that I wound up looking forward to. And then, um, and then we might even have some, we might even add a, uh, a guest host from time to time, a bonus host. So it has to be, if somebody comes on, they have to be somebody who either is hosting a show or has hosted a show, right?

Yes. Yes. Someone who is known as a talk show host. Right. So Magic Johnson is eligible still. Yeah. Just say it. Absolutely.

You're getting saved, Jack. Just say it. Yeah. That's good. 100%. Did the running gag of Photoshopping yourself and Magic's vacations lose any luster when he started photoshopping you in his vacation photos or did it take it to another level not at all and i would say that 85 of the people who look at that believe that i am on vacation with magic some of them every

single year some of them every year like oh man where are you guys and i'd be like uh i'm at home what do you mean where are we like oh you're not in it, uh, I'm at home. What do you mean? Where are we? Like, Oh, you're not in Italy with magic. Look at how bad the Photoshop is. Not that she's the hardest fool, but my mother, I think posted it and reposted it on something. I don't know.

And said, what a blessed life. What a wonderful, blessed life. My nephew. Sal and I were on the ground floor of that because we were obsessed with Magic's summer vacations. And we would text about it. And then at some point, you were bored one night and you just photoshopped yourself in one of the pictures.

You know, I've always loved Magic's Twitter because he puts an exclamation point at the end. Remember we're counting how many tweets in a row had an exclamation point at the end? It was like 12 in a row at one point. Yeah, 12 I think was the record. Yeah. Another thing FanDuel could have up there. Alright. Jimmy, great to see you. Thanks for coming on Parent Corner.

Cousin Sal, you're up 2-0 on me, I guess the lines. Yeah, this is some year. Jimmy, when the Patriots lose and the Cowboys win, it's a great evening. It really is. Yeah, we've flipped places. I was thinking of both of you guys,

but yeah, well, you know what? Enjoy it. Enjoy it. Soak it in. Thank you. All right. Jimmy, good job by you. Sal, good job by you.

Good job by you, buddy. All right, that's it for the podcast. Thanks to Cousin Sal. Thanks to Kyle Creighton and Steve Cerruti for producing, as always. Good job by you, buddy. All right. That's it for the podcast. Thanks to Cousin Sal. Thanks to Kyle Creighton and Steve Cerruti for producing, as always. Thanks to our friends at FanDuel. Don't forget about all of our FanDuel TV shows, including Cousin Sal's winning weekend on Fridays. And we're here wise, guys, on Sundays.

Plus, we have shows every single day. The East Coast Bias guys are on there. The fantasy football show is on there. Just the local guys are on there. The Fantasy Football Show is on there. Just the local guys are on there. Check it out, FanDuel TV. And I will see you on this feed on Tuesday. Looking forward to it. I don't have a few years with him on the wayside on the Bruce

of Leverand I don't have a few years with him on the wayside Must be 21 plus in president select states. FanDuel is offering

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