The Bill Simmons Podcast - A Week 18 Losers Draft, Belichick’s Sad Ending, First-Round Matchups/Lines, and Parent Corner With Cousin Sal

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the Bills securing the AFC East division with their win over the Dolphins, and reacting to the first-round slate (1:36), before running through the winners (13:48) and many losers (23:01) of NFL Week 18. Next, they guess the lines for wild-card weekend (1:02:05), before closing the show with Parent Corner (1:19:05). Host: Bill Simmons Guest: Cousin Sal Producer: Kyle Crichton The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming, please checkout theringer.com/RG to find out more or listen to the end of the episode for additional details. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Got some good stuff up there. Coming up, the Cuz. We're going to break down week 18. We're going to preview round one. We're going to play Guess the Wines and we're going to do a're going to break down week 18. We're going to preview round one. We're going to play Guess the Wines and we're going to do a big losers draft for week 18 because there were a lot of losers

and not a lot of winners, I got to say. A lot of losers. It's all coming next. First, our friends from ProJet. All right, we are taping this. It is a little after 8.30. It's 8.36 if you're betting on the what time do we start taping Guest Alliance. Cousin Sal is here. He's fresh off of hosting the Golden Globes.

I heard you did great. Thank you. I mean, my tactics, I scold the audience, and then I feel like I win them over. I mean, there's no other way to do it, right? Usually when you put the audience on the defense, that always seems to work. We are going to play a game of Week 18 losers a little bit later. We want to start with some positive stuff including the Bills who there was a moment

during the Jacksonville Tennessee game when it suddenly seemed conceivable that the Bills are going to be out of the playoffs where Jacksonville was going to come back and beat Tennessee Pittsburgh won yesterday and then it was going to be Miami versus Buffalo for all the marbles Buffalo would have to win the stand. It seems super cool. And a couple of people didn't cooperate with us,

including Trevor Lawrence, Doug Peterson, and Ryan Tannehill. So we get to Bill's Dolphins, and it's a little, who's going to win the AFC East? There's all kinds of seeds in play. NBC keeps running graphics telling us what's going to happen. There's just hyphens and diagonal things. And it was too confusing. I was confused when we started the podcast. It seemed like the Dolphins were going to win. It was 14-7. The Bills were doing nothing.

And it just seemed like your classic crap Bills game. Allen had thrown two picks. All of a sudden, they get a punt return. The Dolphins just roll over. And then the Bills look like the Bills. And then all of a sudden, the Bills, not only did they win, they almost screwed up almost screwed up any dolphins teas than anybody had. Yeah.

I don't know if I feel worse about the dolphins or better about the bills. Where do you stand? That's a good question. I here's why I feel bad about the bills. And I'm trying to, maybe you could help me. They, I feel like when I watch their offense and it's humming,

it's pretty great to look at, you know, it's like, wow, why can't this happen? I mean, when he takes off on and it's humming, it's pretty great to look at. It's like, wow, why can't this happen? I mean, when he takes off on third and 13 and runs and makes it and then just like over the middle, just finding digs in stride and everything. It's like, wow, they should have 40 points. Why do they have seven in the third quarter always? Why did it take their kick return to wake them up? I really still think they lose that game.

Their offense doesn't get going again. They do everything except score. Is there a team like this that we felt like, oh man, why don't they score 50 points? In the last decade, I was trying to look and I couldn't find it, but it is a frustrating offense to watch. Yeah, if you think there's two terrible plays

an offense can make per game, then two awesome plays that could go either way. It seems like the long 60 yard bomb is always an inch, an inch further than with the than digs or whoever. And then it seems like the Allen pick, which half the time gets dropped or tipped or whatever, every time the guy catches it. And it's just their balance of those two versus two is always against them. But then when they're humming and it's just like, oh, they need a first down. They're definitely get this. I was shocked when they didn't get the fourth one at the end of the game. Maybe Favre's Packers.

I'm thinking like maybe Favre's Packers. Like I was like, oh, this is dumb that they don't have 35 points by now. But I was trying to go over offenses. But yeah, I want to want to go over the negative. That is Miami was maybe now the worst playoff team out there. Well, it's it's funny how we do this when. Want to go over the negative? That is Miami, who is maybe now the worst playoff team out there. Well, it's funny how we do this when I don't feel good about certain things about Buffalo,

and it makes me think they're not going to win. But then if you go through every other team in the league, do you feel great about anybody? Like KC now is going to be favored in this round one game. They win the lottery.

They get to play this Dolphins team that looks like it's had two injuries a week for like a month that has lost their identity completely and can't seem to be to anybody who matters. And now they get them in Kansas City. I went from thinking there's no way I'm picking KC in round one to I probably want to pick KC in round one. And then the Bills get that funky Pittsburgh team that just lost TJ Watt. So, you know, KC and Buffalo, who we thought, oh, it would be so cute if they play each other in round one,

and now they might end up just advancing to round two anyway. But I got to talk about the Dolphins for a second. I just didn't understand. I know they didn't have Waddle. I know they lost some guys during the game, and their defense is just getting depleted. They're just not only losing major pass rushers, but just glue guys.

It's grim. But I felt like they were running the ball on Buffalo. And then in the second half, they just stopped. And I was like, am I imagining this? Or did they just stop running the ball? And I went and I looked at the play-by-play and it's like two at pass, two at pass, two at pass, two at pass. They just stopped running the ball. Was this strategic? Did they feel like, in the playoffs, we're going to run the ball, so let's not do that now? Oh, interesting.

Did they want to get the seven seed? I've never seen a team just go away from the thing that was going to win them the game. In a game like this. I'm with you. First of all, they didn't have the ball a lot in the second half. I think they would beat time of possession by 17 minutes. I think they had like 15 or 17 ball a lot in the second half. They would beat time of possession by 17 minutes. I think they had like 15 or 17 plays or something in the second half.

But yeah, for HN, who was really running it down their throat, to only end up with 10 carries, you have to wonder what the game plan is, if there is even one at all. They were winning that game, and then they got spooked by the kick return, and everything went out the window. Now, they were out gained, I'm looking at total yards, 473 to 275 plus the 95-yard kick return. So it wasn't even as close as 200 yards off. It was a domination that did not feel like a domination.

The Dolphins have seven losses this year. They lost to the Dolphins. They got killed by the Raiders. No, they haven't lost to the Bills. They lost to the Dolphins they got killed by the Ravens they lost to themselves a lot of people don't realize that was week 3 they lost to the Bills they lost to the Ravens

they barely beat your team and probably should have lost to your team they they lost to the Chiefs they lost to the Eagles they got killed by the Bills in week 4 so I guess they have 6 losses they lost to the Chiefs. They lost to the Eagles. They got killed by the Bills in week four. So I guess they have six losses. There's seven losses, but... No, there's six.

11 and six. Six losses, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Basically, anytime they played somebody who was really good, it didn't turn out that well for them. And it's hard to take them seriously. Now, if Waddle comes back and he's like,

oh, I wouldn't want to face that team if they're heating up. On the flip side, Tua, did you think he was coming through at the end of that game? When Tyreek, when he finally got Tyreek hurt after he threw it, led him into a defender for the 11th time in that game, Tyreek limps off. You're like, I don't think Tua is going to do this with his patchwork receivers. I just don't trust them. No way. No, I don't think so. He doesn't have the running element that Josh Allen

and so many others possess. And yeah, what was he? 17 for 27? Two interceptions? That seems kind of right for that game. And there are a lot of excuses at this point,

but they look so good or at least they could move the ball in the first half. It's just so weird when they can't for the rest of the game. And like you said, the Chiefs now get the first half. It's just so weird when they can't for the rest of the game. And like you said, the Chiefs now get the worst team. It's weird. The Chiefs.

They did it again. They barely do anything today in the last month, and somehow it works out for them. So our schedule is Saturday, Browns at Houston. Shakey's again, baby. They did it. Do you want to do this now, whether that should have been the Shakey's game? We could talk I wanna Do you wanna do this now Whether that should've been

The Shakey's game Uh We could talk about that Yeah I guess I have nothing to do Well I'll read all the games And then we can discuss Yeah

Browns at Houston Dolphins at KC On Saturday night Sunday is Steelers at Bills Green Bay at Dallas And Rams at Lions So they loaded Sunday with I would say the sexiest games

Of round one Are Green Bay at Dallas And Rams at Lions And they just said Sunday with, I would say the sexiest games of round one are Green Bay at Dallas and Rams at Lions. And they just said, fuck it. We're putting both in there. And then Monday is Eagles at Bucks. Now, I think Eagles at Bucks is the worst game. If you're going to say it's like the funniest game or it's the game that has the highest potential

for people flipping out on social media, if you're going to say it's a sociological experiment, a psychological experiment, any sort of experiment, Baker Mayfield against Jalen Hurt with a hurt finger, A.J. Brown probably not playing, the Eagles in just one of the all-time end-of-season free-falls against a Bucs team that nobody likes. If you're going to say, hey, that's a good Monday night game,

I'm not 100% against it, but to me, that cries Shakey's. That is stale Shakey's pizza, winos walking in halfway through and things breaking on the TV. What else do you want from a Shakey's game? I don't understand it. Mojo potatoes in the toilet. Yeah. Well, so now I'm thinking maybe the Monday night game is the Shakey's game. Maybe that's the new Shakey maybe the Monday night game is the Shakey's game. Maybe that's the new Shakey's game. ESPN bought the Shakey's game. Yeah, they did it. For the newer listeners, Sal and I have been doing this forever, but our fantasy league for years and years before COVID, COVID kind of killed it. But we would have a Shakey's banquet for the loser of our fantasy league. The 10th place team would have to pay for a Shakey's lunch for everybody else. And Shakey's on Santa Monica is one of the grimace restaurants you're going to

go to in LA. So we would go there and we called it, we called it a, the Shakey's game because it was always the first game and it was always a bad game except for that one time. What was it? Tebow? It was Tebow,

but one in overtime against Pittsburgh. That was like the only good Shakey's game ever. And they usually put the worst game then, but I don't know. Is it the six games have screwed it up? I don't understand it. I don't know the contracts. Maybe the AFC South has a contract,

but someone looked it up and said every time Houston's played in the first round, they've been in that Shakey's position. So it's not necessarily always the AFC South. So Houston by contract has to be in the Shakey's game? They're contracted. Yeah, it's not necessarily always the AFC South so Houston by contract has to be in the Shakey's game yeah it's a Houston it's like maybe a NASA thing is NASA and Houston and

Shakey's and yeah all the Matt Schaub years we were Shakey's they should name it after Matt Schaub it's the Matt Schaub Shakey's classic presented by whatever yeah he should buy Shakey's it's a coin flip. I don't know how they figured this out anymore.

I always thought I used to be able to, but it was definitely between those two games, Cleveland, Houston, and Philly, Tampa Bay. Well, the Saturday night game, which I think normally they would have loaded up on, and Dolphins KC on paper isn't bad unless you've actually watched KC this year, but that's on Peacock on Saturday.

Exclusively, yep. And on Peacock on Saturday exclusively. Yep. And I think people just realized this today. There was finally some chatter about it, but I don't know if everybody knows yet. This is a disaster. This is one of the all time sports television disasters as people are like, okay,

I can't wait to watch dolphins at KC. What channel is it on? It's like, wait, what? Peacock? My dad is going to realize the game's on Peacock probably in the second half of Dolphins KC. He's going to be looking for it for an hour and a half. Your dad might never find it. It's just he might be three hours and clicking around.

More likely to find a Peacock at the zoo. There's no way he's finding this thing. Yeah. Sorry, dad. You can't watch Patrick Mahomes in the first round. It's just not happening. Peacock spent $200 million on the game and $400 million on commercials to tell people how to get

Peacock in time to get this game. Can I tell you how I found that? I don't know. How did you find out the schedule? Today. I didn't know until like 2 o'clock today. No, no. But I know when they rolled out the games, did you wait for the big graphic on NBC on the Sunday night game? Because I was watchingaefter actually released them like every like four minutes apart you know for 20 minutes straight and there was a point where detroit was going to be

the peacock game was between two games and detroit was going to be one of them like oh my god these poor son of a bitch fans have waited five decades for a home game here or whatever it is and the transplants aren't even going to get to see it it's going to be on Peacock I know the locals get to see it but a lot of Detroit people from living somewhere else now wouldn't want to see that but just the same Miami Kansas City is going to be

people are going to be freaked out Peacock's like tonight's episode of Below Deck Australia and our rerun of SmackDown has been postponed so we can bring you Dolphins at KC. I don't understand it. I feel like this is a major mistake, but we'll see. So we have the Shakey's Mad Shop Classic, Dolphins at KC.

Now we have the, I mean, Browns Houston, and then we have the Peacock game. So Shakey's right into the Peacock game. I don't know if they thought of merging. Right. Quickly, we're going to do some quick winners because we have a whole losers draft. We have so many losers this week and this weekend.

The biggest winners, first of all, Cleveland at number five. Not winning the division, but getting to play this Houston team that just getting to the playoffs like an incredible achievement for them. They're pretty limited. Like they barely beat Indianapolis and shouldn't have. We'll go into that when we do the losers draft. And now Cleveland, they get a week of rest and they get to go in.

I think they're going to be favored. We'll do it when we do Guest Alliance. But just by rolling over to the Bengals didn't even matter. And now they get this young Texans team. That's the epitome of happy to be there. It has all the makings of us losing an incredible amount of money in the Browns.

Like just where it's like Joe Flacco's on his like fifth pick and we're like, oh my God, Houston, the home dog. How did we not see this? Like, I already know we're going to lose money. Joe Flacco's like, Simmons, bring your 13-point teaser to me. I got plans for it. Come on. I can do this. Throw me in more bets. It's just...

Who is taking Houston in that game? I don't know. There's a lot of Stroud buzz. They have the better quarterback. They do. They really do. Flacco's limited a little bit, but fits so well in that system.

And they played already, and maybe there's a revenge thing. I don't know. I'm trying to make a case for a team that I don't even like in this game. But yeah, that's what it is. I mean, I'm looking so far ahead to Cleveland-Baltimore

that it's just not going to happen, right? Yeah. So Cleveland's a winner. Carson Wentz was a winner today. The Rams bring him in to mess around and everybody's like, oh, that's cool. Me included. I'll throw the Niners in a money line tease. The Rams throwing this one away.

Seems like the Rams, maybe they don't even care who they play. And they bring in Wentz and they use Wentz like he's Josh Allen in 2019. He's running the ball over and over again. And somehow it's working. They end up getting a touchdown late. They go for a two point cause they didn't even care if they win or lose.

Of course they get it. They're up one. The Niners come back down and, uh, and do not win the game and the Rams end up winning. But Wentz, we've watched how many awful quarterbacks this year, like 60.

Like I guarantee he's better than either Patriot quarterback this year. Oh, wow. We played Bailey Zappi and Mack Jones all year. There's no way Wentz wasn't better than both of those guys. At least he can run. Are you sure? They put a pretty good performance on today, your quarterbacks. Oh, yeah.

It was great. No, yeah. I'm with you. And as a Cowboys fan, I had that 40 minutes of, oh, all right, we'll play the Rams. Like, oh no, I'd rather play the Packers. Wait, oh no,

but they're just beating up on a Bears team that doesn't care. And so I was going back and forth. I settled on, I'm glad we're playing the Packers because the Rams are a little bit scary. They're one of the scary teams, I think. I agree.

I think both of those teams are scared, but Wentz will be a starting quarterback next year would be my prediction based on that game. Oh wow, interesting. He'll be in the he'll battle for a job because he has a game tape now and he's had success in the past at least

unlike 20 quarterbacks we watched this year who had no success and had no background of a success. Someone needs to do because it ended up being exactly 68 quarterbacks started this year and so that's the number. That was the number? 68. Yeah. Oh my god. That's the number. That was the number? 68. Yeah.

Oh, my God. That's the number for... And by the way, if you look at the playoff teams, aside from like Cleveland, they didn't use a lot of them. So a lot of teams used three, whereas, you know, Cowboys and some other teams used only one. But someone should do like a bracket because 68 is the number of NCAA teams, right? You got the four play-ins. I'd love to see a bracket. Someone like a bracket because 68 is the number of NCAA teams, right? You got the four play-ins.

I'd love to see a bracket. Someone, Rudy, someone do a bracket. We should. We'll give that idea to the ringer.com right now. There you go. There it is. It's a couple more winners. The Packers and Jordan Love.

Jordan Love, this him versus Rodgers thing has just been unbelievable. I love it. Love it. Rodgers, tough week for him. We're a little biased, but not a great week for Rodgers. has just been unbelievable. I love it. Rodgers, tough week for him. We're a little biased, but not a great week for Rodgers. Misunderstood, dude. And then Love, who

they draft, and Rodgers throws a hissy fit about it. And then a couple years go by and then he leaves and Love comes in and the Packers... I didn't get a lot right this year, but I did have the Packers and the Steelers in the playoffs. But the Packers were

one of the youngest teams in the league. I think I saw they were one of the five youngest teams to make the playoffs since 1970. But you could feel them getting better as things went along. Last week against Minnesota, they played really well. And I was dubious. I was like, all right, Minnesota,

the quarterback situation has just murdered them. Packers defense got, DeVito ran around on them. Bryce Young ran around on them. What's Fields going to do? But they were awesome against Fields and the Bears today. And Love, once again, was really good. And you got to be a little scared. Just a little.

I'm a little bit scared. I mean, also, but I'm trying to think, all right, the Bears are just never going to beat this team, no matter what. So I'm not going to go by that, but you're right. He was good love against the Vikings. He's good. I really don't understand. They haven't had their one, two punch at running back really almost all year. And Christian Watson hasn't really been there for them. So he's like doing it. He's like putting this together as he goes along. And they're a formidable squad that seems to play defense when they want. That's the thing.

I got to catch the Joe Barry defense on a right day. And then we won't have to worry about it. But yeah, good job making it to the playoffs. He hasn't made mistakes. And they're getting two, three explosive plays every game. He should have been starting three years ago. Let's face it. I mean, I don't know.

Maybe he should have. I don't understand. Yeah. More of a leader. No doubt about it. Couple more quick losers. Or, I'm sorry, winners. Winners.

On that Packers one. The NFL, let's face it, they might have rigged that Packers-Bears game a tiny bit. Just a little. I think they wanted the Packers to win that game. I'm only saying this with the slight bitterness of somebody who had Bears plus three. I had Bears plus seven and a half, so I'm even worse. They lost by eight.

Bears are driving down for a tying touchdown. They still would need the two-point. And they have momentum. They cross midfield. Field scrambles and goes into a slide and gets nailed by a D back and his head hits the floor. It's the grass. I watch football every week as do you. This is a, if this is any quarterback who is famous at all, at all, it's a flag fields felt famous enough to me for the flag. This one, it's like, well, you know, he starts the flag.

He starts the slide. They go to the official expert. What do you think? Was that a penalty? He's like, well, you know, he started the slide and the defender had already committed. I'm like, this has always been a penalty every time. If the guy starts the slide and he gets hit, it's 15

yards. So not only he gets the first down, now he's woozy. So they got a handoff on first down. They get nothing. Then he has to come out. Nathan Peterman comes in and they do this whole rigmarole. All of a sudden, it's like second and 20 and it's a mess. Well, I feel like they were like, well, we botched this.

I think they made him come out because he was like, what am I doing? They did. They had the concussion spotter. Took him out. Yeah. He's like, what good is it now? He's like, hey, everyone's watching these replays. He bounced his head off the turf like it was a cartoon character three times.

We better bring him into the tent. And he came right back out. But yeah, that would have helped. I don't know. It was a 15-yard play that would have taken them inside the 30. It would have been first down on the 25. Instead, I don't think he made another play the rest of the drive.

That was pretty fishy. Last but not least, one last winner. I did not do well today gambling. You're not one of the winners? I could have done a lot worse. You could say CeeDee Lamb, the MVP. Simmons, if you want. CeeDee Lamb's fine. I won't tell anyone if that's what you want to say

I had two futures I did not do great on the futures but I did have Arizona minus four and a half under wins oh good oh wow and I had the Seahawks nine wins over so Matt Prater goes out for 51 yarder and I have

the rare combo of like if he misses this I push on the Seahawks and I win the rare combo of like, if he misses this, I push on the Seahawks and I win the cards over under. If he makes it, I lose both. Right. And they show the graphic and he's 23 for 23 on, on kicks over whatever.

And it's just every sign. It's like, he's going to make this. Yeah. And he slices it. Right. Thank you, Matt Prater.

I'm going to send you a fruit basket. Good win. So who's the winner there? You, I guess you're the one. Okay. Yeah. And he slices it right. Thank you, Matt Prater. I'm going to send you a fruit basket. Good win. So who's the winner there? You? I guess you're the winner. Okay. It was one of the few things that made me feel good today. I see.

Also a winner. Arizona goes 4-13, but it's like the best kind of 4-13 season. They get the fourth pick. They have momentum. Kyler looked good enough that you think, oh, yeah, we'll keep that guy. Let's just add Marvin Harrison. It'll be great. Three quarterbacks in a row.

We'll take Marvin. Let's go. We're good. They get Houston's pick too. So I think they're a winner. All right, we're gonna take a break. They might be winners too. Yeah.

And the first ever Week 18 Losers Draft is next. Wow. This episode is brought to you by my old friend, Miller Lite. I've been a big fan of Miller Lite, man, since college days when I was allowed to have beer. I think nephew Kyle is a fan too. Miller Lite keeps it simple for us. Undebatable quality, great taste. Picture this, it's game day, all the gang's here. You're tailgating outside the stadium. It's a great time for beer. Or how about when you're standing at the grill and the smell of sizzling burgers is in the air? Moments like that. Or when you want a light beer

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All right, so I asked Sal to make a list of all the losers from the last couple days in the NFL. And I made that list as well. And we're going to have a draft of the biggest losers because there is a lot. For some reason, more losers than usual. I just want to point out before we start this, I'm upset. I'll say this every year that we don't have six games in two days for wildcard weekend. I hate the Monday game. Oh, you don't like it? It screws with guess the lines. Kills the podcast. Just give me three games each day. Let's go. Football, football, football.

We're done Sunday night. We're breathless. We're recapping. I hate the Monday thing. I'm with you. NFL's a loser. So is that your first pick? The schedule maker?

No, I just wanted to point that out. I'm giving you first pick. Your biggest loser of week 18 was? All right. I am going to... Hmm. All right. I didn't. I'm giving you first pick. Your biggest loser of week 18 was? All right. I am going to... Hmm. All right. I didn't know I'd get the first pick.

I'll take the first pick. Want me to go first? Go ahead. You go first. I know who you're going to go with. You do? Well, if our text exchanges are any indication. I mean, it dominated Saturday night.

Go ahead. Oh, I'm actually going to take Arthur Smith. Oh, all right. That's a good one. I think he was the biggest loser of Week 18. He goes into the last game of the season and has a chance to win the division. Coaching for his job, for better or worse.

Playing the Saints team, that's pretty beatable. It's 17-17 at halftime. They have the ball to start the second half. Interception. Saints come down. Touchdown. The Falcons are like, what have we done all year?

We've had long drives that have ended absolutely horribly. They have a 14-play drive that includes second and goal from the three, leading to a fourth down pass, very reminiscent to the Indianapolis pass yesterday. Ritter rolls out, has a guy wide open, and just throws it the wrong way, incompletion. The Saints end up winning the second half 31-0. They blow every possible Falcons tease. And then at the end of the game, when it looks like they're

kneeling, they hand the ball off to Jamal Williams, who scores one last touchdown. And Arthur Smith runs out, and he's screaming at Dennis Allen, the Saints coach, because he's completely humiliated. He's going to get fired tomorrow. Sal, I actually think he should have punched him. That's the only way he could have salvaged

any of this. Like an actual haymaker coach fight. We haven't had one in a while. There was no other way to salvage what happened over those two hours. Meanwhile, it wasn't even Dennis Allen's fault, reportedly, because they went rogue on him as they put Jameis in and Jameis says, no, no,

this was a team decision to hand off. They're in victory formation. I think Taysom Hill is like at the nine-yard line. So either he's not in on it or he is in on it, but they want to disguise it. And they run Williams to get his first touchdown. He led the league in touchdowns last year.

Williams had that touchdown all year and they wanted to get him one. But it's not exactly a Rudy story. He led the league in touchdowns last year. Why are we giving him that? It's not like he's going to the hospital after the game to get chemo or something. He hasn't scored yet.

Yeah, Winston's like, screw you, I'll probably be off this team. And Dennis Allen, you're not making the playoffs, so I don't care what you say. So I'm handing him my jersey here. But then, but I thought you were going to say, like, Arthur Smith made it so much worse. So I think you're right. This was the in-between, right? Either punch

him and make a big deal, go out with a bang. You actually have to fight him at that point. That's the only way to do it. Or don't say anything. Yeah, or don't say anything because now everybody knows about it. No one really even knew you before this. Well, so he had, he starts Ritter again today. So he's bouncing back and forth between Heineken, Ritter. Like he's our wives trying to get ready on Saturday night, holding up two outfits.

And should I try that? I'm going to try. Wait, I thought you tried that out. Now I'm trying this one on. Now I put the other one on and he's just, he's just putting on outfits for the entire NFL season.

Weekend TV is like, should I try Desmond Ritter on again? Yeah, yeah. How does this look? Do you like Ritter on me? No, he's going to suck again. And then they both split their pants at the event.

Yeah. Ritter had a great first half, right? Didn't he have like a memorable first half? Classic Ritter. But he is just like, he's like, when he gets to the red zone, it's like a shark who is now out of water and has to navigate a volcano or something. He really is the worst in the red zone.

So funny. Arthur Smith, my first pick. Who do you have? All right, let me stay in the division. And it's a division. I'm glad that there's only one representative in the playoffs and whatever. I'm not glad it's Tampa Bay because in the playoffs and whatever. It's Tampa.

I'm not glad it's Tampa Bay because you and I in-house at New Orleans and we had no way to hedge it at this point because if they won, which they did. It was an unhedgable division bet. It's like impossible. They score 48 and the Bucs score nine.

I like for the Panthers. Anyway, my loser is both Bryce Young and Scott Fitterer, the GM for the Panthers, who's going to be gone tomorrow. He's another one. So I don't have to call him a loser because he's definitely gone for this Bryce Young deal. But the fact that we lost that game, we needed the Bucs to lose. And Chark fumbles through into the end zone. And that Pinheiro, whatever, misses a field goal.

And all they needed was 10 to win that game. Well, you left out they got a touchdown and there was a penalty and it got called back. I to win that game. And now they left out, they got a touchdown and there was a penalty and it got called back. I forgot about that. Right. Five yard touchdown. They had a touchdown that was called back. They went eight straight quarters without scoring. Um, they never led a game going into the fourth quarter. This is, I know they had two wins and there's teams with like one win, but this is a historically, historically bad team. Of course I could could throw Tepper in there, but right now I'm going to say Bryce and Scott Federer. I was screaming for Andy Dalton. I was like, who's going to

know if Andy Dalton just bench Bryce Young and bring him back. You already locked up the number one pick for another team. Let's get one more. Let's get a score for God's sake. There's my loser. I'm going to follow up on yours. Oh.

Rudy just texted that the Falcons have fired Arthur Smith. They did. Is it because of what you said? I think I just got him fired right now. Wow. Does he have a camera on us? So that's it for Arthur. The least surprising announcement of the year.

Should we stick around and wait to see if Scott Fitterer and Bryce Young are gone too? Maybe they're next. I'm just going to piggyback on yours then because I had David Tepper as a top four pick. Oh, yeah. That game,

to end the season on two scoreless games with your rookie QB, but to not have the wherewithal to bench the rookie QB and be like, you know what?

We'll regroup. We're going to get you a better offensive line and some weapons. Let's cut you a great rookie year. We're going to have the veteran Andy Dalton finish it out, and then we'll come back strong. They don't do that. He's the quickest coach firing since 1978, a coach that he hired last spring.

Right. Awful. He whiffs on the Stroud versus Bryce pick after he makes this trade with the Bears that now ends up being one of the most lopsided trades maybe ever. He gets fined last week for throwing a drink on somebody. And I think unquestionably... That's crazy.

Unquestionably, he's the NFL's new worst owner now that Dana Senners is gone. I think he has the championship belt. This is like Raw where he's just holding the belt up on the top rope. Go. Yeah. I love it.

And I think you're right. Yeah. He's got the money in the bank case. I, I, I, I love it. I think you're right.

And I think it's great that it switches. It's not always the same owner, right? It's not always Mark Davis. It's not always, all right. It was Daniel Snyder for a while, but, uh, now it's Tepper and, and it's great. the same owner, right? It's not always Mark Davis. It's not always, all right, it was Daniel Snyder for a while, but now it's Tepper, and it's great.

That's why parity is so great in football, because it could be the worst owner and just lose the title. It's 32 rich guys, and you just never know who's going to be the worst. You never know who's going to surprise you, but he is. The fact that you have that season and now you don't have a first-round pick, it's like impossible.

Ursae's like, I'm not top five? I'm not even top five worst owners? Oh, no. Don't get in your car. Don't get in your car, Ursae. All right.

What's your next pick? Oh, I go. Okay. I'm going to go. All right. Listen, I don't want to sound biased, so Brad Allen

blew that call against the Cowboys. I do think, you know, we had a kicker that can boot at 70 yards, although he showed it was a little shaky today. But Brad Allen is the loser and his punishment for being a loser and that for, you know, his misdeeds in that Cowboys-Lions game, they stuck him in that Steelers-Ravens game. His crew had to do that. In the pouring rain,

they're like, we want this guy. This guy has to get pneumonia and strep throat so we don't put him on any crew in the playoffs. Now they're just going to sit and wait for the results, I think. It's like Officer and the Gentleman where he just has the guy doing exercises in the pouring rain.

I'm not going to quit. That's a good one. Don't know where else to go. Also a terrible game. I have for my next pick, sadly, the Detroit Lions fans. Ooh. Just feeling great, the Lions fans.

They're just like, this is awesome. We're going to be the three seed playoffs. They lose Laporta. I can't imagine he's playing next week. Laporta was the best tight end in the league. Like he was. Definitely the best going forward in the playoffs for sure. And I think Trey McBride might be second.

Really? From just like watching the last five games of the season, tight ends who repeatedly just got open and made shit happen. I think those were the two impact guys. Is there anyone else you would put? I'm trying to think. This Kincaid kid is really stepping up.

Kincaid was good. Yeah, he was good today. I mean, you can't put him for the whole year. Hawkinson was unquestionably number one. Lose him. Flashbacks a little bit to we lost Welker in the last game in 2010

heading into he tore his knee and we go and then we get waxed by Baltimore the Pats back when we were good at stuff

but that last week of the year injury AJ Brown too with the Eagles but I think the Eagles had bigger problems

than that but now they got the Rams coming to Detroit you You had Stafford coming back. You have Goff against McVay. So it's a whole week of things. So instead of this Detroit Lions celebration, we're in the playoffs. Now it's like, oh shit, we just lost the best tight end in the league. We have this guy coming in who's got this hot offense that can totally match us, that doesn't care where he and then the irony of stafford coming in and knocking detroit out of the playoffs i just feel like this is a loss for if you're alliance fan like fuck why this team this had to be the team this is absolutely this game was going to be hard enough to win and now it carries 10 times

the weight because stafford's coming to town and And there's even people saying, like, I heard them on CBS, like, cower. And they're arguing over whether or not Stafford gets a little bit of a ceremony before the game. They're like, ceremony? They're going to get beat. What are you talking? What are you going to do? Do it after the game. But the fact that they're talking about that is, let's be, and we'll go over the line in a second.

But I think you're right. That would lead to an unbelievable Chris Russo rant, if that happens. Oh, yeah. It's there, Bodie! They gave him a ceremony! He's going to come in and beat your ass around one! Send him a gift basket after the game! Don't stop the game to give him a tribute!

He's here to beat you! All right, what's your next pick? All right, you know what? It's a dual entry here. I'm going to say, first of all, because you're one of these people, anyone who fell for New England minus one and a half after talking about how bad they were all year,

and I labeled this on Ring of Wiseguys, like, this is a rat line. When two bad teams are playing each other and nobody on the planet likes one of them, the Jets and the line is still lower than three. Now, I think it went to two and a half, but everybody had the Patriots in the slop fest of a game. You guys hate your quarterback. And it just comes down to who has the better running game, right? When it's all sloshing around, it's not like your receivers are

going to get a better separation. That's one part of it. The other loser part is the reporters who continually try to trick Bill Belichick into answering an actual question in the press conference after the game about his future. It's like, I don't want to talk about the Jets. If you want to talk about the Jets, I'll talk about the Jets. All right, coach. And then they try to be cute with it. How did this Jets game shape what's going to happen to you in the future and where you're

going to be? Disappointed what happened with the Jets. Next question. Okay. Does this make you want to quit this game with the Jets? Does it make you want to quit football? Just very disappointed. But next question.

I think I addressed that already. Next question. And they never get anything out of them. So there's a dual loser pick for me. Bill, three days from now, when you're in your office thinking about this Jets loss, where would that office be located? Possibly. What area code would that be in? Bill, when you're going to go to the bank, who's going to

sign your checks, do you think? When you endorse the checks over, which owner would you say? That's a lot. I'm going to defend Pat's minus one and a half. The snow, I don't think I had any real idea until they went to the game like 10 minutes before. In November, it was like 28. Yeah, I know. But it's just when you saw it,

and then Belichick comes out, and they're like, he's been under the weather all week, but he's going to gut through it. And they show him, and he's got the hood on with like a ski mask. It looked like he was, you know, like in a Blumhouse movie.

And then the first Bailey Zappi pass, like in a Blumhouse movie. And, and then the first Bailey Zappi pass, I was like, oh my God. I watched Kyle came over and both of us were like, how are we going to score three? Is this going to be like

a three nothing final? I, this leads me to Belichick, which was my next pick for, for the losers draft. You can't pick my pick. What do you mean?

Well, I guess I didn't pick Belichick. Okay, you're right. You didn't necessarily pick Belichick. That's true. So here's how it ends for him. He loses 17 to 3 to the team that he hates the most, the New York Jets, in a snowstorm.

He's sick. And if he didn't feel sick during the game, it definitely got worse as you watch Billy Zappy. One of the worst football games I've ever watched. And Chris Myers was announcing, and it was like, if this isn't rock bottom, I don't, I don't know what else this game needed other. I don't even know what else I would have added. He looked, he was dressed like he was Jack Torrance in the shining about to walk through the maze. I just don't, uh, I just don't understand it.

So I, it's going to open up to all of this. Well, if he leaves and people are going to pick apart the legacy. And the big thing is he was 36 and 44 in Cleveland. He was five and 13 with Drew Bledsoe. He was 11 and five with Matt Castle. And then he was 29-38 after Brady.

It's just mediocrity everywhere, except for that Castle season where they didn't make the playoffs. He needs Castle back. We've been saying that for a while. The Castle thing does screw up the can't win without Brady thing, but the reality is all of his success came with Brady. I think he's the greatest coach of all time. I was there day in, day out, watching him supporting the team. He did a hundred million things that make me think you

can't say it was all because of Brady. But I do feel like the way those last four years went, it does open the door for that argument. It's a bummer. And the reality is they needed each other. And I don't think anybody can win without a QB. Andy Reid. What was that last Andy Reid-Eagle season? It was 4-12? Yeah. If you don't have a QB, you're just not going to win.

His QBs, I mean, the Zappy-Mac Jones combo, I think was even worse than Ritter and Heineke. I think it was worse than anybody had, except maybe Carolina. It was pretty grim. But I think he's going to... I think it was worse than anybody had, except maybe Carolina. It was pretty grim, but I think he's going to... I think it's over. And all indications seem to be the Pats are ready to move on. Maybe he takes a year off.

Maybe somebody trades for him. But it really does seem like it's over. And this was the worst way for it to end. Well, you said last week you wanted him back. That was a big announcement. Yeah, I did. You want him back. I still want him back.

But you don't want him calling the shots. And all those great things he did. Okay, let's say he could still do them. He can't revive this current team. He's got to figure... They got to get someone in there. Those receivers... You can blame the quarterback. You can blame the receivers. I feel like the Texans receivers aren't that

great. Honestly, I feel like going into the season it was Nico Collins and that's it. No, yeah, I get it. But it's like, yeah, and they still move the ball, and I know they have a quarterback that's pretty dynamite. But these guys get separation. I feel like I watch the same games as you, and I don't want to blame McCoy.

I just want to manage your expectations if you get like a Jaden Daniels next year, and it's still not working. That's all I want to manage your expectations if you get like a Jaden Daniels next year and it's still not working. That's all I want to do. I assume that's who they're going to get. Because it seems like this is now a top three is all QBs. Before it seemed like a top two. Now it really does seem like it's going to be one, two, three.

And they'll just take whoever falls to them at three, which I'm fine with. But this was grim. I got to say it was, I was bummed out. So was Kyle because it wasn't just that they lost. It was like watching him walk off at the end. He's got like the ski mask. It's like almost over his face. He looked like freaking Kenny in South Park.

It just was a bummer. And it's the Jets, right? You had won what? 15 in a row against them? Yeah. And they're doing snow angels. It was pretty good. All right.

What's your next one? Okay. Let me see what's left on my list. Did I mention that brain-dead conspiracy theorist, number 12? Okay. All right. You know what? I'm going to jump in front of this one.

I'll say Tyler Goodson. Okay. I know you love him. He's your favorite player in the league. He caught six passes all year for his career. I'm not sure what it was. And then this is a dual entry because I had money on the Colts. I had a nice same game parlay that was about to come in.

And then they blew it. They went on fourth down. And Goodson was wide open. The throw was a little bit behind him. I watched it a million times. I thought he could have caught it. Whatever. It's a two-yard knockout. It would have been a million times. I thought he could have caught it. Whatever. It's a two-yard route.

It would have been a nice catch. It would have been a fine catch. It's a two-and-a-half-yard route. Turns around. There you go. I'll blame him. Not great that Jonathan Taylor went out of bounds when he could have turned it up and gotten an extra yard, a half a yard in the first down.

And not great that the coach, Steichen, who I really still think called a great play with Goodson and he caught it. Not great that he bled the clock and called the timeout on himself with fourth down, one that he could have used. So there you go. I'm going to probably take the Colts as a whole as a loser. So I'll just piggyback on that. I had Steichen because that last drive, the entire conceit of the drive was we just want to chew up clock. We don't want to give Houston back. And it was a drive born out of fear. They should have won the game. They were so concerned about chewing up clock

that it ends up that fourth down play. To me, that was so much worse than Tyler Goodson dropping it. You're going to run off 35 seconds and then call timeout. Now it's like this place do or die because if you don't get it, your season's over. If you call the timeout, right, heading into fourth down,

then at least if you don't get it, you still have a chance to get the ball back. Listen, we argued about it on text. If we published our text threads with me, you, House, and Hench, I think we texted about it for an hour and a half. I'm just planting my flag on this for the rest of my life. I never want to have the ice cold guy decide the game when it's a big game. And this goes back, I mentioned this stupid example of

the Clippers. Any Clipper fan knows what I'm about to say without me even saying it. Game four of Phoenix 2006, they're up three, Timeout. Mike Dunleavy thinks he'd be super smart. Brings in Daniel Ewing off the bench. Ice cold to guard the corner. Rajah Bell. Of course, he's ice cold. Forgets to get his hand out. Rajah Bell three. Tie game. Overtime. Suns win. But I just don't like

ice cold people in big spots. That's my rule in life. But making a three is much harder than catching a two-yard pass if you just have to move a little bit to your left, right? Yeah, but I'm not letting Tyler Goodson decide my season. That's on the coach. But then you hate every...

Anytime a 350-pound lineman catches it, like you must have been ripped shit about Dan Campbell. Forget about how it turned out. That was a bad call. For his season? He's not going to do that with his season on the line. He's not going to throw to his left guard. The two-season is on the line. you meant for his season he's not going to do that with the season on the line he's not it was a big play the two

seasons on the line whatever their whole season but you could always find someone who's had more reps like they could have drawn

the mayor Gibbs or something the fact is nobody's covering this guy because he has six catches all year yeah he's wide open and that's

why it's a good call Tyler Goodson that's why I dropped it we can go back and forth yeah I give me a wide open guy Give me a wide open guy. Give me a wide open guy

on fourth and one every single time. I don't care who he is. If he has hands, then he can catch the ball. Let's bring in Chris Russo. And he's down against it! I would have run that play

with Josh Downs. As my running back. Somebody who actually had the athletic ability to make the play. Also, like, terrible play by Minshew and he was bad

and he's, to me, another reason they lost. Like, he proved that it's really hard to win and get to the playoffs Yeah, well, that's why they ran so much.

Yeah, I agree. I guess we agree. I don't know. I mean, I called him as the loser, but I think he could've called it. All right, you got another one?

Well, we need to do Doug Peterson and Trevor Lawrence. Which one do you want to take? Who? That needs to just be this round, both of them. So do you want Doug Peterson or do you want Trevor Lawrence? I'll take Trevor Lawrence. Okay, good. I'll do Doug Peterson.

So other than the 2017 Eagle season, he is 47 and 49 as a head coach. His 2023 Jaguars team was 2-0 in London and 7-8 in America. He lost five of his last six, starting with an OT loss to Jake Browning. I went back and I looked at his playoff success. So you remember their first playoff win, the Eagles. I went down an Eagles rabbit hole during the Miami game that actually got pretty dark.

I'd forgotten this. It blocked out of my mind. Do you remember their first playoff win? The Eagles. The Eagles? Was it against the Bears? That kick? No. That was the next year. I don't know then. The Atlanta Falcons. They're down five.

They get a first down. First and goal from the eight-yard line. There's like a minute and a half left. First and goal. First play. I watched it on YouTube. I was fucking going nuts. First play was a terrible fade to Julio Jones in the end zone.

No chance. Second down was this awful shovel pass that almost seemed like it was going to be an interception. So now it's third down from the eight. They throw over the middle. Seven yard catch. So now it's fourth and two. Do you remember the fourth and two play their whole season in the line? Was it something? It wasn't with Julio?

Oh, it was. It was the classic awful fade where he's completely covered and he's out of bounds if he catches it. So they win that one. Then they get to play Minnesota the next round who had just won

because that stupid Stefan Diggs play, the miracle play. And it should have been the Saints. They beat them. And then this is what killed me. I swear,

I haven't watched one play of this game other than the occasional highlights, the Eagles-Pats Super Bowl. Do you realize in the Super Bowl, we ran for 113 yards and threw for 505

and we lost? Wow. We had 618 yards of offense and we lost to Nick Foles. We lost to Nick Foles and we had 618 yards of offense. I was so fucking mad, I left a long voicemail on Hench.

I just left him one of those voice texts. I'm just reading him stats. Well, the greatest coach ever screwed that up, it sounds like. Well, so then Peterson goes to Jacksonville and he's done not that much there. And I guess my point is I'm not too sure about Doug Peterson

because that game losing to Tennessee today was fucking awful. Like awful. Ryan Tannehill? Tannehill's trying to throw them picks to keep them in it. It was awful. Yeah, so I'm all right. I agree with all of it and I have the same reasoning for Trevor Lawrence, except I hate picking on an injured guy. Like we kind of

know he was injured going in. I feel like Baker was injured too. It was terrible under through Evans was wide open, but whatever. It was a whole different thing. Trevor Lawrence. Let's remember what happened last year with this team, right?

They win that week 18 game on the road. It was like a defensive touchdown against Tennessee in that Saturday night game. Shouldn't even made the playoffs. They make the playoffs. They blow a gigantic lead. The Chargers do because they're the Chargers. And then the immortal Brandon Staley, who's never going to coach again in the NFL ever. And they lose an unlosable game to the Chiefs, if you really look at it. And what happens? They

come out of that and Trevor Lawrence is, well, he's a top five quarterback going into 2023. I was like, really? Is he? Okay. Well, he's definitely better than Dak, so you better shut up. I'm like, all right, fine. I guess he is. And then they're eight and three. Now, I know he's hurt a couple of these games. You and I are talking about maybe number one seed.

Like, what are the odds for the Jacks to get the number one seed? Because they have such an easy schedule the rest of the way. How did they blow this? They really, this, and I had Tennessee, and I think you had Tennessee too.

It's like, there's just, it's razor thin in that division. It really is. It's, it's all bad. So little faith in them. Tennessee, not even trying to win.

Vrabel might not be come back and I'm like, they're probably going to beat Jacksonville or come close. Yeah. What do you think Trevor Lawrence's career record is? Um, not kind of years. Is it? How many years?

Uh, three and a half, three, three, uh, How many years is it? How many years? Three and a half? Three? 21-23. 20-30. 20-30, wow. I was thinking there's three types of number one overall picks and we'll find out which one this year's pick will be in 2024.

You get the stud. You get the bust. And then you get like Drew Bledsoe. Where it's like pretty good. Sniffing around. Top five, top six. Maybe has a season that looks like an all-pro season. You can win games with him.

You can make the Super Bowl with him. Yeah, he gets you the Super Bowl. Yeah, he got us the 96 Super Bowl. Won a couple of playoff games with him. Really can make the Super Bowl with him. Yeah, he can get you to the Super Bowl. Yeah, he got us the 96 Super Bowl. Won a couple of playoff games with him. Really fun. Not great, but very good. And it's usually those are the three categories. And I guess Lawrence

is maybe, we thought he was going to be a stud and maybe he's Bledsoe. But I don't even think he's been Bledsoe. But he's not a bust. This is the year, if you're fifth or seventh, to rise up the ranks, right? Everybody's like, oh, Herbert, oh, Tua.

You don't think the same about those guys. And now Lawrence? It is disappointing that those three guys just didn't take the next step. If the Jags called the Bears and said, we'll give you Lawrence for the number one, what do the Bears say? What do the Bears say? Yeah. No, the Bears have to say no, I think.

I don't do that. Okay. Number two pick, Washington. The Jags call Washington and say, we'll give you Trevor Lawrence for the second pick. That I might do. I might. I don't know why. I just, I'm with you with established quarterbacks

so he can win a division. Although, I'm not sure. I don't know. What do you do? You do that? I don't know enough about the quarterbacks,

but it is like, and then number three, the Pats. So they call, one of the crafts calls me. He's like, hey man, big fan of the podcast. It's Jonathan Graff there. Just wanted to get your take on this trade.

Jacksonville offered us Trevor Lawrence for the third pick. Would you do it? You got to do it. And you got to do it in that dog's voice. You have to respond. I don't think I would do it. Really?

Yeah, because he's got this big contract coming up and I'm not sure how good he is. But you could say like, oh, he's hurt. He's banged up this year. Okay. It seemed like he had good receivers. Maybe I'd do it. I guess you would just watch tape and try to talk yourself into it.

I think another way to look at it is look at the last 20 guys drafted, and he was still in the top echelon of those. Right, and you could say he had his, didn't have his left tackle. Yeah. Kirk got hurt. Like they had some timely injuries in the, in bad spots and he got hurt.

And, um, yeah, beat the Washington. The number two for Trevor Lawrence is an interesting one. So now you're putting him in Washington with no offensive line. Let's take a break. I got a couple more losers.

Then we got to keep moving. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high intensity focused ultrasound waves, zero incisions. All right, loser draft. I only have a couple more. Do you have any more? I have like two more. I have like one or two more, yeah.

All right, go. two more. I have like one or two more. Yeah. All right, go. All right. I have Let's see. All right. Anyone Okay. Anyone who has a fantasy league that ends in week 18. If you had to start like a draft, just Jeff Driscoll in a week 18. I mean, for God's sakes, I'd be like

my son's in one. I'm like, just get out of that. That's garbage. You're picking up Jordan Mason for $50? Yeah, that's it. Enough. We've seen enough. These games are hard enough to figure out. That's just a That's a good one. I have Drake Bay.

The way this shakes out, he's going to be the second pick or the third pick, right? Van was telling me today that people think Jaden Daniels is going to go in the combine and everyone's going to lose their mind because he's going to be the second picker, the third pick, right? People seem to, Van was telling me today that people think Jaden Daniels is going to go in the combine and everyone's going to lose their mind. Cause he's going to run like a four, three. And they were like,

Jesus Christ, this guy's like taller Lamar. Like how does he not go second? Regardless, Drake Bay is going to go second or third. So either he goes to Washington, they have no offensive line. They have no coach,

no GM. And they have an owner who just gave us the process with the Philadelphia 76ers. That's choice A. Choice B, he goes to New England, no Belichick, literally no skill guys, and you're in Tom Brady's shadow as part of this rebuild with God only knows how that's going to go. Cold weather, both situations. Those are your two options. That's two pretty, two, pretty big strikes coming out of the gate versus like, Oh, that would be so cool. If so-and-so traded up for me and I got to play in a dome, like Atlanta moves up from eight to two. And now I

get all these weapons and I'm in a dome instead I'm in Washington with like nothing. So I feel like he's a loser somehow. Yeah. I don't know. And that's, uh, you'd love to know behind the scenes with, I mean, that's a documentary you want to do right now. Forget about these quarterback ones. It's just these stay with the guy all year, watch games with them on Sunday and see which team they dread the most playing at. Oh, that would like college quarterbacks on Netflix. Yeah. Just sit there. And as they're watching the sewage pour out of the drains in Washington Stadium, like, oh my god, that's where I'm going?

Do I have any eligibility left? Can I claim COVID? No? Okay. He's rooting for the Jets to beat the Patriots. Or rooting for the Pats to beat the Jets. One more quickie loser. Dak Prescott. What?

Why? Bear with me. I won't. If I told him before the year, Dak Prescott will get the two seed.

He's going to throw for 4,600 yards. He's going to have 36 touchdowns, nine picks, 72.7

QBR. He's going to have a couple huge games in the clutch. He's going to turn C.D. to have a couple huge games in the clutch. He's going to turn C.D. Lamb into a top three receiver in the league. And every single Cowboys fan will be like, Dak has answered every fucking question I ever had about this guy. You would say, oh, well, then he won the MVP, right?

And it's like, no, Lamar Jackson did. Okay, yeah. What else? Dak's never winning the MVP if it didn't happen this year with the media, Dallas, all that stuff behind him, and he still couldn't win. My buddy, you're right,

and I'm glad you took that... Yeah, see, I zagged on you. I know, you did. I was like, wow, how can you say anything bad about it with all those stats behind it? But my buddy, the parlay kid, who you know,

we were saying this. We're like, how is Dak not MVP? And it really is the narrative of who played who when, right? It's like, if is Dak not MVP? And it really is the narrative of who played, who went, right? It's like, if the Cowboys, I'll tell you what, the schedule maker again is the bad guy because these division games in week 18 suck. They really don't. A lot of them don't matter and they should matter. So put them in the time of the year when they do matter. Don't play the Chargers and Chiefs and don't play the Browns and Bengals

in week 18 when they don't matter or they kind of matter like they did tonight. And then you're left with Dak in a loser game against Washington. He puts up giant stats and they're like, well, it doesn't matter. It's Washington. They suck. He's getting no credit for that. Lamar Jackson, who sat, who actually sat, is going to get the MVP.

So I'm with you. I appreciate that. You have any more? I'm going to say, Oh, maybe. Oh yeah. This, the clerk at seven 11 who argued with our friend,

Brad, who tried to buy Kodiak tobacco. And what happened? Well, I had custody of our crazy friend, Brad for a couple of days. He's like, yeah,

I'd like to come over. I was like, okay, I alert the family and Brad friend Brad for a couple of days. He's like, yeah, I'd like to come over. I was like, okay. I alert the family and Brad staying over for a couple of nights. And we go to 7-Eleven because he chews tobacco and spits it in every cup around the house. It doesn't tell anybody where everything is. And so, but when he gets there, they're like, no, no, no, no good. It's a city ordinance. We don't sell it there.

And that should have been enough but bradley goes and lambasts this guy as if he is uh going down the town like he's bear care and bass yeah exactly like he's making the decision and uh but uh shame on this 7-eleven clerk for not selling it despite the fact that it's against the law is it against the law here no but we had to go two towns over. Oh, I got you. It was just a town ordinance. Man, where do you live? The fucking town from Footloose? That's exactly right. No dancing,

no spitting tobacco. That's it. I have two more quickie losers. One is Mac Jones, who lost his job to Billy Zappy, who's terrible, who had six first downs today. Mac Jones was also passed on the depth chart by Nathan Rourke.

What a call. Kyle and I were high-fiving for a month after they drafted Mac Jones. I was so excited. For the year, he had better stats than Zappi. Zappi had six starts, six touchdowns, nine picks, 23.2

QBR, just awful in every respect. And somehow people were like, oh, he's better than Mac Jones. Then my other one is just the Eagles fans. You know, we've been talking about them for the last couple of weeks, but what's happened to them? They have that gauntlet of those four hard games

where it's like, ah, there's a lot of holes in this Eagles case, but you know, maybe they'll figure it out. And instead it goes the other way. And by the time it gets to this Giants game, which was the weirdest, I thought that was a rat line. It's like, why are the Giants getting five and a half points against this shit Eagles team that the moment Dallas has the Washington game wrapped up, they're going to go in the tank. Well, it turns out they went in the tank the first minute of the game. They're down 24-0.

Their defense is such a sieve. It's hard to imagine them stopping any NFC offense. A.J. Brown gets hurt. Jalen Hurts gets hurt. The defense, the Matt Patricia thing, he's like the freaking it follows monster. Wherever he goes, people start dying. And if I'm an Eagles fan, I'm just going nuts. And it's been a five year grace period now since the Super Bowl. It's been six years since they won. They're allowed to go crazy. But they had this

embarrassment of riches and Howie Roseman, oh my God, how did he pull all this off? What a genius. And they have this loaded D line. Shil Kapati and I broke it down on Thursday. All these big picks and free-edge signings. Georgia this, Georgia that. They can't get a pass rush.

They can't stop anything. And they can't run the ball. They have this great offensive line. And every week with Hurts, he looks worse and looks less durable. This is the, I can't wait to play this team in round one team. I think it's almost even worse than how you explained it. Cause the way it has

been usually is the loser of the Superbowl then just goes to shit the next year for whatever reason. Maybe the bangers buck the trend, but Philly loses on a questionable call in the Superbowl. They then go 10 and one. So they fool you into thinking, oh, they're going to be a one seed. They're going to be great. Better even than the Jacksonville did to them. And then they get to this point and we saw they've lost five. They could have lost on Christmas Day, too, to the Giants.

Like, okay. And then they got idiots like me and you trying to nuance the lines like, all right, they're going to play hard in the first half. So I like the Eagles minus two and a half in the first half. They'll scoreboard watch. And if the Cowboys are winning, they'll take them out. No, they're just going to go out there and get their asses kicked by Tyrod Taylor and Tommy DeVito.

What the hell is that? As a Cowboys fan, I'm like, why aren't they trying? Or are they trying? Have they taken Hurts out? And then Hurts hurts his finger and everything. Yeah, they're a mess going in there. Am I remembering this wrong? But every year when we do this Week 18 podcast, we always say, why do we bet anything on Week

18? This is a stay away. Just cut everything back. Although I actually won money on Million Dollar Picks somehow. I lost a little more in real life because I added some stuff, but I didn't even know how I won money because it's like half the things I thought were going to happen, the complete opposite happened. And then got lucky with Houston.

I don't think Indianapolis probably should have beaten Houston. That was one of my big bets that I won. I didn't even feel great about it. Houston barely won. But just in general, maybe week 18 is a little too nuts. That might be a cool it down week. Cause you have to either go with the team that has go against the teams that have nothing to play for all of them, or you have to, you can't pick your spots.

Right. So I had Cincinnati. I love them. They won 31, 14. Right. And I was like, I was like, Cleveland's going to be just a little too cute. They're going to want to have, they're going to be like, we're the team with five quarterbacks that have won.

That's going too far. Like that's, um, that's like an extra season of the team with five quarterbacks that have won. That's going too far. Like that's, um, that's like an extra season of the walking dead. Like we get it. Don't get greedy. You know, the main character's gone. But, uh, but then if you did that, you would have had to have taken the 49ers like you did. Right.

The Rams sat everybody. I know the 49ers kind of did too. You would have had to taken the chargers. They sucked. So yeah, we could stay away from Week 18, I think. I think it's the right move. Bill, you know, I'm so tired of talking.

Let's get ready for the Winter Olympics. Let's do some luge talk. Our bobsledders are out of this world. Let's forget about football in Week 18. I thought Collinsworth was good tonight. He was. I thought heworth was good tonight. He was. I thought he was on it tonight. He loves Josh Allen.

All right. We'll take one more break, and then we're going to do Guess the Lines. All right. Guess the Lines. Round one. We have six games. What is the record for the year?

The record is, for Guess the L the record is for Guest of the Lions I'm up 7-6 to 5 that's it so we have five ties yeah I have seven wins you have six

yeah okay Saturday Browns at Texans a game that you and I are going to combine lose a shitload of money

we should mention on Fanduel TV, we've done the Ringer Wise Guys show every single week. Oh, yeah. And this week is something special. Joe House flying out, Raheem Palmer flying out, JJ, John Jastrzewski flying out. I'm bringing my sticks, bro.

Who's playing golf with me, bro? Apparently he's playing golf with Ringer people on Friday. I'm bringing my sticks. I can't wait i can't wait till it's 52 degrees and he starts crying it's gonna be the best so we are gonna do saturday and sunday shows on fandle on saturday and sunday morning this has been we've talked about this for i don't know you and i how many years but we're finally doing it we always felt like especially the round one weekend needed i just need to be with my buddies

here and all kinds of things. So we're finally doing it. So check it out on Fandle TV and on all the Ringer platforms. We're really proud of that show. It's excellent. I might even vomit. You won the title, by the way. I might even vomit in front of Joe House.

That's how it's done. Or on Joe House? On Joe House. It's been a while. It's been many, many years. Yes, I won the title. I was 11-6-1 in my best bet. So there you go. And for million dollar picks, that translates to like 719 million or something. I don't know. Something good.

I wanted House to stay with me when everybody's in town, but our buddy Jacko is coming out too. So you get some Jacko time. But I forgot my daughter is still home. She's not going to college yet. So I don't have a room for house. So he's going to stay in a hotel. But House had always wanted to stay in the hotel. I think it's like the rare situation. I think he was staying in the house because he knew like we like when he's in the house. But House loves hotels.

House is a hotel guy. I think it worked out great for him. And it's so funny. It's the opposite of Babydoll, right? Babydoll forces his way. Babydoll wants to stay with people. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And he's got all the means to stay wherever he wants.

But he loves... I don't give a shit. Yeah. House is the opposite. He loves nothing more than taking a hotel shower, getting water all over the bathroom, throwing towels down. You can stop there.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll slow down. Round one line, Saturday. Browns, Texans, we're both going to lose an incredible amount of money. I have the Browns as favorites. Browns by two and a half in Houston. All right. I get you here. I had

two. And of course, it's in the tic-tac zone. Of course. Why wouldn't they do it? It's one and a half. Dicks. Yep. That line goes to two and a half or three, right? I would think so.

I don't know. Yeah. There seems to be like a little bit of Houston buzz because what they pulled off Saturday night. But it's probably right though. You know? I think it's going to be really hard for them to move the ball because, you know, Colin said,

Colin said the game of his life in week 18 and they still barely won. Um, there's Stroud. There's not, there's a lot of numbers against him. If you send the house at him or you design certain blitzes. Can I, can I,

can I be honest? I shouldn't do this. I don't know why I'm doing this. It's two and a half now. You get it. Oh. I don't know why I'm doing this. You get karma is what you get for that.

Yeah, we'll see. Wow. So does that line end up at two and a half or three? Well, I don't know. I'm so mad right now. I don't even know. I'm seeing red. You've been this mad since you lost your seventh parlay of the weekend.

That's right. I think it stays around there. I feel like that's right. It's been a year of two and a half lines. Next one. So that was the Shakey's Bowl. Then we move on to the Peacock Classic. Below deck, Kansas City.

We're going to Kansas City. Chiefs against the Dolphins. This is a game, before tonight, I would have said Chiefs by two and a half or Chiefs by three. Waddle will be playing.

But I think it has to be at least Chiefs by three and a half. I'm going to say Chiefs by three and a half. Oh, man. You hit two for two now. Are you looking at the page? Are you looking at the page?

I'm not. I haven't looked at one thing. Are you sure? Scott is my witness. It's three and a half. I said three. So you get that right. You know what you got to do because we're going to watch the games together, right?

You got to tell JJ like, I fucked up. I don't get Peacock. I don't know how we're going to see this game. At like 759, I'm like, oh shit, I thought we had it. It's on the radio though. These guys are great. Yeah, do that.

That'll be fun. Oh my God, Peacock. Great stuff. Sunday. I should mention we're making Peacock jokes, but I've been a loyal Peacock subscriber. I like all the SNL stuff. I like all streaming services.

I just think, I know that I'm an anomaly because I like getting every streaming service and all the cable channels. I just enjoy that. I'm like Floyd Gondola. I like butter on my ass and lollipops in my mouth and streaming channels. Now you're talking about Joe House and the hotels again. No, you're SNL. I'm EPL. Every Saturday, I'm up watching a game. Yeah, EPL's great. I still think a lot of people have it. I know, but there's so much money. They have to do it. I don't know how much NBC paid,

but they have to do it this way. It's just so huge. It was either this or sell the game somehow to Saudi Arabia. They couldn't even figure out how to do it. That's right.

Chiefs Dolphins in Saudi Arabia, 8 o'clock, followed by UFC 297. Yeah. All right, Sunday, we got three games. Three good ones. Buffalo at home for Pittsburgh.

This is a line that you told me this was the matchup right before we went on the air, so you know I didn't look at the lines on this one. Oh, like you can't be looking at it right now. Well, go ahead, yeah. I would definitely do that. It's six, six and a half for seven. And I'm going to say six.

And I think I'm low. Either way you get me. I don't know why I said five and a half. It opened at eight and a half. It's up to nine and a half. Oh. Oh. Ooh.

I hate this game now. Is TJ Watt worth that many points? Like if TJ Watt was playing, would you have said Bills by four and a half? Bills by five? I mean, what's their record with and without them? It's ridiculous. It's a ridiculous difference, isn't it?

I'm going to go. I haven't gone through all my playoff manifesto rules yet, but I'm almost positive Mason Rudolph violates about seven of them. He does. The document's going to spit up on you. Yeah, they're running the ball though. They're running the ball though. It's a little bit different, but they are

running. Would this be a possible Cousin Sal bet? You think the Cousin Sal half, first half game parlay? Oh, interesting. Bills to win the first half, Steelers to win the game, like 12 to 1. There's no way they have that yet, right? No, they don't have that yet.

No, they don't have it. Okay. Yeah, I like that. Yep. That hit five times this year. Next one. Your stupid team. In Dallas.

Bill Belichick's shadow looming over every Cowboys playoff game. He's just ready to put the Tom Landry hat on and come take over. To your horror, the Cowboys traded a first round pick for Bill Belichick. And you're like, what's going on? He doesn't come with Trevor Lawrence?

That is a big Mike McCarthy reunion game, right? There's a lot of storylines there. Yeah. This was the hardest one for me. I have this as Cowboys minus six and a half in Dallas and you could say I'm

wrong by two points either way. No, you're good and you win the week because this is, now we tie this. I said seven and a half and it's seven. So I won that one. No, what? We tied it. So I won that one. Yeah. No.

What? We tied it. But you won the week. Oh, it's the line is seven. Okay. Yeah. Don't get greedy. Yeah.

You won the week. God, that tease is staring at us. Oh, that's Sunday. I'm not doing it. Just stay away Saturday and bet those first two Sunday. You are looking live at minus 180, two-team money line. Today was the first day that I actually thought the Packers might be good. Because I thought the Bears played pretty well in that game.

Like, Fields has obvious limitations. They figured out how to blitz him and keep him from running. Like, he couldn't run around like he normally does. They also kept him from having the ball. He had a pretty clean pocket, Jordan Love, though. I don't think that was something to let him from running. Like he couldn't run around like he normally does. They also kept him from having the ball. He had a pretty clean pocket Jordan Love though. I don't think that was something that would

let him do that. I think that made a difference. The thing that was impressive they still have no Watson but then it's just they have athletic receivers who just seem to

get open. Each of them will get open in space at least once in a game and it'll usually happen like four or five times total. Musgrave came back today. I don't know.

Listen. They have some weapons. It's a little scary. Any average quarterback could have won MVP with this team. I totally agree. Average quarterback. No matter what they believe. Lions in Detroit

with Matthew Stafford coming back and Joe Hess on an airplane against the Rams. And I have the Lions by three and a half. It opened at three and a half. You might sweep me this week. It went down to three. I went higher.

I thought it'd be four and a half. That was dumb. But it is three. It went down to three. I went higher. I thought it'd be four and a half. That was dumb. But it is three. It's a field goal right now. I think it stays at three, right? Oh, man. That's going to be a tough one to get off of. Yeah, I think it's three.

I wish I trusted Dan Campbell a tiny bit more in a game like that. Yeah. Against McVay. I'm just thinking this game in my head. I really like the Rams, and I might like them a little too much, but McVay knows every single thing to do against Goff, right? Mm-hmm. He just got so under the hood with that guy,

and he's going to have 19 different things going on. And they're so good in the first, like, I don't know, 20 minutes of a game with the way that he, whatever structure he has in the offense. And they get one guy and all of a sudden it's Rams, 10 Lions, nothing. The crowd is terrified. I can just see it. I'd be so scared to take the Lions in this game.

Well, that's why it's three. That's why the three seed is only a three-point favorite. It's the wild card. The Rams are good, man. I mean, Well, that's why it's three. That's why the three seed is only a three-point favorite against the wild card. The Rams are good, man. I mean, two receivers that get open all the time, a running back who's probably one of the four best running backs in the playoffs, and a quarterback who's just really good and delivers

the ball. And on defense, they have a guy who can wreak havoc. They'll pressure a quarterback. I think you mentioned that last week their special teams is a little weird, a little funky. Oh, it's awful. That's where you may be able to get them. But I think three is a correct number and I would be nervous if I was a Lions fan.

Monday. Wow. Philly at Tampa. So I forgot what we do. We just do a podcast Sunday night, right? We don't even Yeah. Yeah. do. We just do a podcast Sunday night, right? We don't even. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We just did it because the winner covered on cousin's house winning weekend on Monday. Well, the, uh, but the good thing about this is it's a four or five.

So all the matchups will be set. Like we'll know the winner of this goes to the one or. Yeah. We could do contingency guesses freeze. So I really wanted to put this in the tic-tac zone, but the Bucs are so shaky that even as bad as the Eagles look, I think it has to be two and a half

or three. I'm going to say Eagles by two and a half. Congratulations. You swept. What is it? It's two and a half. You went three out of six. Perfect. I am lodging a complaint in a protest here. I went two, and it's two and a half.

You're right. Is that state of the line? Six to one. I don't know, man. I think it might go down a little bit. I wish I knew if Baker were injured. I feel like I watched him enough to know that that shoulder is messed up. But, boy, the Eagles are so uninspired.

I know you and I both watched the Carolina game. I bet a lot of people didn't. Carolina honestly could have won that game. I thought if you played that game 10 times, I think they might win five. And I think if Chark gets that touchdown or at least goes out of bounds

in the one and they go up 7-0, I don't think Tampa wins. I don't think they come back. They weren't really doing that much. They can't run the ball that much. Baker wasn't accurate at all. They did win, but I don't remember two teams having almost no momentum

going against each other in the first round. The Bucs could have lost today. They did lose badly, really, to the Saints. They only scored in the fourth quarter. We know what the Bucks could have lost today. They did lose badly really to the Saints. They only scored in the fourth quarter. We know what the Eagles were about. This is not a fun matchup. It's weird because the Saints were definitely the best team in the NFC South,

but they didn't make the playoffs. But I think whatever the ceiling of each team's best game was, the Saints clearly had the best, highest ceiling. Right. But they're just fucking stupid. They just blew dumb games and Carr had like three awful games. It was getting me mad how good Carr was today. Yeah, right.

Where was this all season? And you know what's funny? I had his over touchdown passes with 21 and a half, and he hit it. I was like, what? Wow. Really? Because in my mind, he worth much worse than he, than he should have been,

but no, he went over. Makes no sense. Ridiculous. All right. Before we do parent corner, uh, quickly on the conference stuff.

Now we have both conferences and we have Baltimore is the favorite plus one 35. San Francisco is the favorite in the NFC, uh, minus one 20 minus oneus 120 now, Jesus. Bills plus 280 for the conference. Chiefs plus 460. Dolphins plus 800.

I still think the Browns at 15-1 is the best bet of all these. And then Steelers 17-1. I'm sorry, Texans 17-1. Yeah, we gave your Browns Niners at 34-1. It's 28 now, if you like that Super Bowl magic. Jesus. Steelers 48-1. Then in the NFC, we have Niners minus 120.

Cowboys 3-1. So you would have to beat the Packers. Then you're playing probably Detroit probably Detroit at home again maybe Tampa slash Philly

right and you're gonna have to win in San Francisco yeah still have to beat the Niners I would take it game by game here Philly has dropped

to 7-1 and it feels low Detroit's 10-1 which feels kind of a little high. They should switch, right? Yeah, that feels like they should switch. Rams 20-1, I think

is a better bet than both of those. Tampa's 34-1 and the Packers are 43-1. I got to say, those are the best odds of anything. If you're going to bet a long shot, you might as well take deep odds, think the Packers could go in and beat

Dallas somehow and then play the Niners who haven't played in three weeks and all of a sudden just get a lead on them. Shanahan has been so bad when the Niners are behind. Oh my God, the Packers, Jordan Love. It's like when Rodgers came in here and they do that whole thing.

They'll be a seven- whole thing. They'll be a seven-point dog. They'll be probably a nine-point dog against the Niners, and then they would still have to win two more, right? But yeah, that is high. That's high for any playoff right now. Rams Ravens is 48-1.

And then Rams Browns is you could bet $10 and win $3,350. Oh, let's do that. Rams-Browns, Stafford Flacco. In Vegas. In Vegas. Yes.

Do you think the Super Bowl has to be weird because it's in Vegas? It kind of feels like it does. Yeah. Feels like it can't just be Baltimore or San Francisco. That's too easy. We're due for a crazy story, like a of feels like it does. Yeah. Feels like it can't just be Baltimore or San Francisco. That's too easy. We're due for a crazy story, like a Spearmint Rhino. Like, let's list odds, Spearmint Rhino odds. Oh.

Like a player, like a Eugene Robinson player going off the rails? Yeah, right. What was Eugene Robinson? It was solicitation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something not great. Barrett Robbins has been some good ones. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. We are going to take a break and do Paracorder. Today's Paracorder is brought to you by CarMax. Every day as a parent is filled with lots of quick decisions to make for your kids, and they aren't always easy. But when it comes to deciding what car to buy, CarMax makes it simple. You can take a full month up to 1,500 miles to love your car.

Return it guaranteed. Learn more and find a car you love today at CarMax.com. All right, guys, what do you got? Does Brad count as a parent corner? Yeah, he's involved in this one. I figured I was stuck, and my wife's like, well, you got to tell them the story with Brad. Well, first of all, I took the kids to see Iron Claw again. I was like, really? Watch it this time and with an open no no i didn't i'll give you more brad we had custody of him as i mentioned and my oldest son uh archie's back from

college since like december 5th and this was his last week before going back to start the new semester or quarter whatever the fuck they call it. And he announces to the family he wants to get back Saturday so that he can go out with his friends Saturday night in Oregon. And my wife is very upset. She's like, wait, you go back Sunday. You'll have one more day with us. So keep in mind, this is a little after he announces that he's going with his friends here in town to Joshua Tree for two nights.

And so she's like, oh, we're losing him. I can't believe it. Now he's going back Saturday night, and he's going to Joshua Tree for two nights. I was like, will you relax? I love the kid, but he's been here since December 5th. It's a month. Let him be with his friends. And so she's like, I don't even know why he's gone. I was like, there's probably girls going. He's like, there's no girls, no high school, no college girl wants to freeze in Joshua Tree. And I'm like, all right, just let him do what he wants. So she expresses her displeasure of this to our friend, Brad, who's a nut. And Brad and I, and a couple of others, we go for ribs. And so now we come home and when he goes back from ribs, he's just a mess of a human being.

I mean, he's got at least 2,500 calories caked onto his beard when he walks back in the house and this is after washing his face in the restaurant and so he comes back and archie had just gotten back from joshua tree he's like ah what's going on he's like how was it he's like oh it was good we had a good time you know i know it's just him and his buddies drinking there for a couple years getting away he's like oh oh, really? What'd you like best? Did you like the, did you like the trees or the dirt? He's like, uh, I don't know.

He still doesn't know how to play. I was like, no, you like the trees or the dirt or maybe the birds, like the birds, like the trees or the dirt or the birds. Or maybe the freezing cold tent. Is it the trees, the dirt dirt the birds or the freezing cold tent because it's got to be one of those four and i like i see arty's like uh i'm freaking done with you people i don't have craziness like this at home in oregon so i was like all right brad just no no it's the five hour car ride that's yeah yeah that was it was the long ride oh i forgot the long ride yeah oh was it the long ride where you're all

breathing on each other do you like that do you like that he's like what I basically have this this hobo like screaming at me and I can't say anything back

and I was like yeah that's it it's about college it's cleaner and safer than being at his own house that's it so he'll never not only do we

you know the Joshua Tree and we lost him for a couple days and a day early. I don't know if he's ever coming back. He's had enough of us. Thanks, Brad.

My son guested on a club lacrosse team in this tournament this weekend. Oh, nice. He got asked, so got to drive to San Diego with him. And it was the same kind of drive that he's doing with my daughter, which I thought I was retired on. Same field, like this big polo field in Del Mar. But I had never been to a lacrosse tournament before.

And, you know, same vibe as the soccer, except the games, the fields are a little tighter. But I'm like, man, this really reminds me of soccer. First game, two minutes in, somebody passes to somebody else around midfield and the ball skips under the stick and bounces hard. And the lady like four feet over from me just gets nailed with a lacrosse ball in his sunglasses. And I thought it was like broken nose. And she's stunned and we're all horrified. And one of the parents says,

you got to be careful when you're at these lacrosse games. And I'm like, this is already 100 times worse than soccer. What the hell is happening? Saw some lady almost get beheaded by a lacrosse ball. And so then the whole rest of the weekend,

I'm watching this lacrosse. People are just walking behind nets. They're on their phone and just getting nailed by balls for people in practice. And it was like the most dangerous tournament I've ever been to. I never thought of it that way. I always thought the people in the stands

were far enough away that it didn't... No, they're all crowded around the field and people are like, they're filming the games they're taking pictures and meanwhile like you know some dumbass throws it to

their midi and it throws it over their head and just pegs somebody that's the worst ball to get hit with isn't that the worst ball no quite

it's like going 70 miles an hour unless you put your head at the bowling ball return right at the top but I don't know what else yeah that's the worst

you can't get out of the way but it seemed like everybody was used to it. And it was just like, you be, people had just been going to tournaments. It's like, oh yeah, Bob got hit by a ball. He's lost his eye.

He's fine. He'll be, he'll be in the sunglasses. He's a broken orbital boat. He's good. Sunglasses was gone. We didn't see her again. I have no idea what happened to her.

Um, so that was weird. The games are 45 minutes with a little five-minute break. So you play three in a day. Parents are a little aggro. Just going to throw that out there.

It's a lot of dads yelling, like, move! Move your legs! Come on, guys! You got to cut! A lot of ag dads yelling like, move, move your legs. Come on guys. You gotta cut. And just a lot of aggro lacrosse stuff, which is it's soccer is definitely a little more mellow and has a little more rhythm,

but for the most part, it was pretty fun. Um, I love it on Saturday, but, uh, it was, it was,

it was a good parent time. I would go to one. What, uh, is he going to do it again? Yeah, maybe he was guessing on some, I don't know when they have those things, good parent time. I would go to one. Is he going to do it again? Yeah, maybe. He was guessing on some,

I don't know when they have those things, but he's got his season starting soon. But in his high school season, we sit in the stands. So you're not going to get hit by a ball. Right, right, right. Yeah. That seems safe.

Oh, and then today, somebody got hit in the nuts. What the hell? And he hasn't worn a cup for any lacrosse game. We've been like, you got to wear a cup, man. You get hit in the balls.

Like say, no, no, it'll be fine. Meanwhile, he's playing defense. Um, so I think that might've been,

you get jabbed with a stick. There's some, not even just the ball. Yeah. I try, you know, an important parent corner lesson is take care of your, take care of your boys.

I don't mean my boy. I mean like your boys down there. Yeah. And it's just like, it's not a sport where you shouldn't have my boy. I mean like your boys down there. Yeah, right. And it's just like, it's not a sport where you shouldn't have a cup. It's ridiculous. But, you know,

as you know with the sun, they always think they're smarter. Yeah, they're not. They never are. Yeah. The other good thing was, you know, we had the long car ride,

so I was able to get some information out of him finally. It's about life. But on the way back, there's... Del Mar coming back and it's a really nice ride along the ocean. It's really cool. It's like West Coast. Hard to explain, but when you're from the East Coast

and the coolest thing you see is some frozen river or something. Then you go on the West Coast, you're just driving next to Pacific Ocean for 20 minutes. Then there's this town called San Clemente that is really nice. It's this little town on the water. It kind of breaks up the ride before it starts to get on the five, but they have a Jimmy John's there. So we like order in the Jimmy John's app. Jimmy John's, by the way, will not sponsor this podcast, even though I love Jimmy John's. It really hurts my feelings.

I have like a specific sandwich I get. I don't know. Jimmy John's just doesn't like me. But so we order in the app, go in, pull up. We're eating Jimmy John's in the car. I'm like, and it's like the most unsafe. I'm driving 80 miles an hour with my knees. I'm eating a roast beef sandwich and pickles and chips and trying to drink a fountain

soda. And I'm doing everything with my right kneecap in the carpool lane. And I'm thinking, I was like, we're probably going to get in an accident. If we get in an accident and they're going to find the wreckage of the car and they'll be like, nah, this didn't seem intentional. He was covered in Jimmy John's. And they wouldn't even sponsor him. Yeah, roast beef. And I think it might've been because they wouldn't sponsor the podcast. But yeah, I'm trying to think,

what's a more unsafe parent activity that we won't admit is unsafe than eating in a car on the highway? It's got to be number one, right? What's more unsafe than that? Well, were you wearing a cup? No, you know. He wasn't wearing a cup.

No. I don't know. Walking behind a lacrosse net seems as negligent as anything. Or just standing midfield next to it apparently is also unsafe. Yeah, they need... It's just...

It's funny. You go to a baseball game and there's a net now all the way around the stadium. But I could go to a youth game and there's a net now all the way around the stadium, but I could go to a youth lacrosse game and get hit 40 different ways by 90 different fields. You got to bring your own net. Yeah, I've started bringing my own net. That's my parent corner for you.

I love it. Today's parent corner is brought to you by CarMax. Parenting is always going to be a little tricky and filled with split-second decisions, but buying a car does not have to be with CarMax. You can take a full month up to 1,500 miles to love your car or return it. That is the 30-day money-back guarantee. Learn more and find

a car you'll love today at CarMax.com. All right, before we go, you said you had, we did a futures draft before this season. How did we do? Oh, well, we didn't do so good. First of all, shout out to Chris Haynes who did this for us. Just kept

track. Chris, you get $1,000 to spend at the Ringer store. Buy what you want. Simmons is going to send you a QR code. We don't have a Ringer store. What happened? Sorry, Chris. You're out of luck. Keep doing this. 8-8 in the AFC you were.

I was six and ten in the AFC. Oh, no. You were nine and seven in the NFC, and I was ten and six in the NFC. So I think you were- Oh, so I had a winning record. You had a winning record. That's great. And I had a 500 record.

And that's all you can do. No, but we knew this was our worst year we'd had in a couple years. But we won our big FanDuel best. Yeah. We won the big boost And that's all. No, but we knew this was our worst year we'd had in a couple years. But we won our big FanDuel best. Yeah. We won the big boost. We hit that KC, San Francisco, Philly.

Philly, by the way, barely wins. If the season goes two more weeks, we'll probably lose that. But yeah, we didn't really have it this year.

No, I know. I can feel it coming in because I actually did the work on this. We did a lot of work and that's what's a bummer when it doesn't pay off.

You have the Colts to have the worst record. They almost make the playoffs. One of our premises, and we always talk about this in August, is there's seven new playoff teams, seven leave. This year, it was like way too many teams were coming back. By the end of the year,

we lost Cincinnati, Jacksonville, and the Chargers from the AFC for playoff teams. We lost Minnesota, the Giants, and the Seahawks from last year. So we lost six. And we would have gotten a seven if it wasn't for that freaking New Orleans-Atlanta quagmire where Tampa Bay got back in. If New Orleans had just done its job, we would have had seven and it would have been right back to where we were. My whole premise with the Futures, I thought Jacksonville was going to be out. I had Tennessee in that spot.

I ended up being Houston. Me too. And then, you know, the Rams, nobody had that. So the ones that were like, holy shit, how did that team make it? Were the Rams and Houston. And every year, we had that list and it's like, will they make the playoffs? It's always like plus 250 or higher.

And every year, two teams make it from the list and we stare at that list and we go, there's no fucking way any of those teams are going to make it. It's plus 300. Houston was like plus 580 or something. Yeah, that was, I mean, you could have even gotten in the middle of the year, you could have gotten three or four to one. But we did well. We had the Chargers under, under nine and a half.

They had five. We both had that. We both had Jacksonville under. That just went under. We had Cincinnati under. That went way under. It was 11 and a half. They had nine. We did okay. Dallas over, nine and a half. They had 12. You lost with Bills.

You would have won that today. I did bad on the... Yeah, I had the Bills not to make the playoffs. I had my eight over unders. I hit six, my locks. Pittsburgh over, Tennessee over, didn't hit. Green Bay over, Miami over. Carolina under, Arizona under, barely. Cincinnati under, Indy under. That did not hit. Green Bay over, Miami over. Carolina under, Arizona under barely, Cincinnati

under, Indy under, that did not hit. Carolina under was beautiful. 6-2, but then I had my Super Bowl picks. I had Cincy Philly as my favorite one was 26-1 and Pittsburgh Philly 110-1. Those had no chance.

Hertz as MVP, Tomlin as coach of the year. Just bad ones all day around. I had some bad ones. I had no chance. Hertz is MVP. Tomlin is coach of the year. Just bad ones all day around. I had some bad ones. Yeah, I had Payton for coach of the year. I had Stroud. I'm happy to say I had Stroud. So now we watch as Pukunuku collects the hardware.

It'll be fun. Alright, so next time you see Sal, people listening, Saturday on FanDuel TV with the whole group, we're going to have Saturday and we're going to have Sunday

as well. And that's it, unless you have anything else to say. That's it. Cousin Sal's winning weekend. I just want to say Friday, we had Joel McHale on and he's a big Washington Husky fan.

Also played for the team, was a tight end in the Rose Bowl in 93. And he offered an impassioned pep talk to Huskies fans ahead of tonight's game. And we'll put that online and you'll see that. But otherwise, I'm back with Tate on Through the Ringer against the

Oz. And like you said, Ring of Wiseguys next Saturday and Sunday in person. It's going to be fun. And I know people are probably expecting us to talk about McAfee and ESPN and Rogers, but I can't be honest. So let's do it. I really don't care. I'm just not that interested.

I just don't care. Also, our publicist is terrified and he said, don't please, please don't breathe oxygen into this. So. Oh yeah. Our publicist, Louis K. So we should probably do it. Don't breathe oxygen into this. Louis K. So we should probably do it.

Don't breathe oxygen into this. Louis K, that's K-A-Y. That's how you spell his last name. But yeah, I don't think it's that interesting. You're welcome, Louis. Also, we're listening to Louis. Maybe we have some thoughts in private, but we're going to keep them to ourselves.

That's right. There's a lot of people out there trying to get a little oxygen from this and I thought it was annoying and I'm not going to be one of those people all I have to do is read my replies and I'm like

you know what I'm not dealing with regular people here this is fine block block block the Kembe block and I did my cleanse for the January

I'm happy alright cuz good job by you good job by you buddy alright that's it for the podcast thanks to Cousin Sal thanks to Steve Cerruti and Kyle Creighton All right, cuz. Good job by you. Good job by you, buddy. All right, that's it for the podcast. Thanks to Cousin Sal. Thanks to Steve Cerruti and Kyle Creighton. As always, I will see you on this feed on Tuesday.

Rewatchables, Monday night. Don't forget youtube.com slash Bill Simmons. And I will see you here on Tuesday. Must be 21 plus and president select States. I don't have to. New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Tennessee, Vermont, and Virginia. You can call 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 in Arizona. Call 1-888-789-777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut. 1-800-9WITHIT in Indiana. 1-800-522-4700 or visit ksgamblinghelp.com in Kansas, 1-877-770-STOP in Louisiana, mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland, 1-800-GAMBLER.NET in West Virginia, or 1-800-522-4700 in Wyoming. Hope is here.

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