The Bill Simmons Podcast - Adam Carolla on 'Fast' 7/8, 'Cobra,' + 'Cast Away' (Ep. 211)

Episode Date: May 10, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons celebrates 10 years of podcasting by bringing on 'B.S. Report' Hall of Famer Adam Carolla to discuss Sylvester Stallone's 1980s cop thriller 'Cobra' (9:00), the best '80s montages (14:00), the lifestyle of liking "bad movies" (28:00), Tom Hanks in 'Cast Away' (33:00), hanging out with Helen Hunt (39:00), the start of the 'Fast' franchise (44:00), the plot holes in 'Furious 7' (49:00), Vin Diesel's global lifestyle (1:02:00), Charlize Theron in 'Fate of the Furious' (1:11:00), and the perfect plot for the ninth 'Fast' movie (1:17:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tonight's episode of the BS Podcast is brought to you by SeatGeek. That has been our presenting sponsor one quarter mile at a time ever since we've been running this race. Well, you'll understand what all this means when we have Adam Kroll on. But right now, find the best tickets for hockey, basketball, baseball, opera, Hamilton, music, you name it. I have SeatGeek on my phone. It is the easiest way by far to shop for the best tickets thanks to their revolutionary grading system. You can buy and sell tickets in two taps on your phone.

Everything fully guaranteed. Try it out. Download the SeatGeek app or go right to SeatGeek.com. We are also brought to you by two new Ringer podcasts, including a brand new one that launches on Thursday, May 11th. Larry Wilmore's Black on the Air. That's right. Larry Wilmore has joined the Ringer Podcast Network.

Our friend. He is going to interview people. I think it's going to be every week, but he is going to interview people from sports, pop culture, politics, hard news, you name it. Larry Wilmore, talented dude. So happy to have him aboard. Subscribe to his podcast right now on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.

Larry Wilmore, Black on the Air. And don't forget Cousin Sal, our good friend and a longtime staple of the BS Podcast and BS Report. He has his own podcast. It's called Against All Odds. And it did great last week. It was in the top five on iTunes for a while. A lot of people listened. They handed out some winners. It is a gambling podcast. You was in the top five on iTunes for a while. A lot of people listened. They handed out some winners.

It is a gambling podcast. You can subscribe to it right now, Against All Odds, with Cousin Sal, available wherever you get your podcasts. And coming up right now, Adam Carolla, my second podcast guest ever. We're going to talk about that on this podcast. We taped it on Friday. If you don't like 80s movies, you don't like Cast Away, and you don't like Fast and Furious, I don't know if this is the podcast for you. My guess is that you like at least one of those things

or you wouldn't be listening. Adam Carolla coming up right now, a podcast hall of famer in the BS empire. Here he is. We're taping this on a Friday afternoon, first week of May, which is a shame because we could have talked about the Chavez versus Canelo fight. So if anything crazy happened in that fight, we are not going to talk about it because we're taping it before then.

But the heavyweight champion in the world, Adam Carolla, is here. Thank you. It's been a while. Mexican fight fans are the greatest because they love fighting so much. They love it the most and they have this great bravado which is hey he's a mexican style fighter meaning he's the guy who's losing like if it was if you're a mexican style bar fighter you'd just be in a coma your entire life like oh he's really taking a beating he got back up again and then you've worked the body a

little philly is the same thing yeah he's a philly fighter he's swinging he'll trade punches with you right i'd rather be a floyd money mayweather fighter where you just hammer checks but don't get hammered in the head you have most of your brain cells yeah so a couple things we have not done a podcast together on this i've done yours but you haven't done mine since i've had the new one yeah you were my second guest ever that's right it is may 8th which i think is we i think the day we might even be posting this is the 10 year anniversary of my first podcast god and then five days later you came over and we didn't even have the technology yet to to have two people on the same machine.

And you had to call in and wander around my backyard as we did a podcast. And I could watch you wandering around like a crazy person. Now, 10 years later, here we are. I can remember as if it was yesterday. Long driveway. Yeah. My first house. Little sort of converted garage in the back.

Illegally converted. All conversions. Not one permit to be seen. driveway yeah little sort of converted garage in the back illegally converted all conversions every time there's a conversion it's illegal even if it's a van conversion anyone who's ever turned a garage into a guest house in southern california has not had a permit for that i grew up sleeping in a garage that was converted and it wasn't even it was converted it still had the hinges and springs on the door they just sort of bolted the door shut and i slept out there so yeah it was perfect well now you're we should mention your show on spike yeah you finally figured out a way to do construction be filmed for it have ray, your buddy from way back when, somehow get paid and to be filmed and to have that on television.

You figured this out. It took how many years? Almost 50. Well, it's funny because it's like this new era we're living in, which is like Phil Rosenthal has a show called I'll Have What Phil's Having because Phil likes traveling. He likes eating. And in the old world order, if you like traveling and eating, you just do it on your dime. Yeah.

That's what you did during your vacation. You go to Tuscany during your vacation, but Universal Studios is not paying for it. We now, you know who the master of this is? Doug Benson. He just gets high. He's like, what do I like doing? Well, I like getting high and I like not working. All right. So his first show was called the Benson interruption, which I've done. I've done all his shows. And it's like, how's that work? We go out

to Largo. You come out and sweat your ass off doing a 20 minuteminute comedy set, I sit on a Barca lounger off to the right and make comments about it. High. But that wasn't good enough. His new one then became Getting Doug with High, and that's where you come to his place in Culver City and watch him rip bong loads while you do comedy. Yeah.

He's going to do a show. His next show is going to be called Watch Doug Benson Take a Nap, Later Maybe He'll Masturbate. And we're just going to put the whole thing up on YouTube. It's diabolical. Watch Doug Benson Take a Nap and then Masturbate would be my least favorite show.

But it will be his next show. Mark my words it's just funny he started with like all right you do your set and i'll hang out and sit on a folding chair and comment on it that went into i'm just gonna smoke weed and we can talk about it now it's him getting high and sitting in a in a robe with a gavel in his hand but it will digress to this one day so he's smarter than all of us. One of the emails I get the most is you and Corolla never did a fast seven pod. Oh yeah.

Because we did fast four for my old podcast. We did four or five and six, which we broke down the correct way, the way it should be broken down. So later in this podcast, we're going to cover seven and eight. Sure. But I know you're watching other stuff. I just rented Sleepless on Friday night with Jamie Foxx.

Familiar with this one? No, but yeah, I know what, I'm familiar with it, but I did not see it. Mortal Lock, you like this movie? Jamie Foxx is a cop in Las Vegas. Uh-huh. He is a dirty cop.

Is a cop on the edge? He's a cop on the edge. He's a cop on the edge. He's losing control a little bit. He doesn't go by the book. He goes by a pamphlet. It's a faster read. Well, you don't know. Is he dirty?

Is he not dirty? Is he being dirty because he's trying to infiltrate the dirty cops? Or is he just dirty? The bad guys don't like it. They take his son. Oh. He's got to get his son back. He's got to go in a casino take the dope that he stole give it to the people he stole it from to get his son back and

you're not going to believe it but uh but but craziness ensues can we talk about one there's one theme about all the cops on the edge like yeah you see him and it I think it pisses off every other middle-aged dude. The morning, so it's like lights up on the dimly lit apartment with the sun coming through the tattered curtains. As he gets out of bed, a pizza box falls off the top of the bed. He takes a hit off a liquor bottle just to get his day started. Yeah. Then grabs a handful of Percocet, throws it in his mouth, takes another shot off the liquor bottle just to get his day started yeah then grabs a handful of uh percocet throws it in his mouth takes another shot off the liquor bottle jack kate's in 48 hours it's the recipe for 35

years basically looks at what's the remaining what's left from the pizza a couple of tattered pieces of crust takes a bite off that gets out of bed and is completely jacked like ripped six pack big traps hanging out veins stridated it's like hold on no wait a minute i i'm with you on the part where he's tattered and percocets and sucking sucking right off a flask to get himself started in the morning i'm not down with the part where he looks apt like hugh jackman and wolverine right but they always do if Stallone plays that part if Will Smith plays that part they always look amazing it's never convincing nuts when it's Stallone it's never convinced Stallone and Cruz are two people that you can just never buy the Percocets with the whiskey swig at 10 in the morning right but there's been a lot it would

be an interesting YouTube montage yes it's like How many movies have started with that scene? And it's like the sun's coming in. Let me tell you a guy who does live that life. Artie Lang. Have you seen what he looks like with his shirt off? Right. He looks like he's 100 years old. Right.

That's what you look like when you take drugs and drink and eat pizza all night and pass out. And never go to the gym. There's never a scene in the movie where the guy's going to the 24-hour fitness. Right. He never works out. He wears boots. He wears a boot. Yeah.

He's just in amazing shape all the time. And it sends a weird message to all the young men out there. We've been watching all the same terrible movies for 40 years. Who do you think was the first cop that became the recipe for this? I feel like it might have been Jack Cates in 48 Hours. I don't know if anybody was earlier than that. So that was 1982. Yeah.

I mean, you know, there's Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry, but he wasn't. Clint Eastwood was never rolling out of bed having Percocets and getting drunk. Right. Bronson, like the guys we grew up with were always these didn't say that much kind of cops like Bronson, Eastwood, Steve McQueen. Right, yeah. It wasn't until the 80s that, maybe it was like Mel Gibson, Lethal Weapon

that popularized it, I don't know. Yeah, well, Mel Gibson was another like, yeah, phenomenal shape guy for a guy who just had a problem. And again, they're living off of carbs, but they have the six pack abs. It's a weird message to send to the youth of America. Well, when Stallone finally said, I want in, in 86 with Cobra, he's just like, I want in. I need to do a cop movie.

I did it the first time where I had the beard. What was that movie with Rucker Hauer? Nighthawks. Nighthawks. Nighthawks, I want to redo. I've been watching the shit out of I had the beard. What was that movie with Rucker Hauer? Nighthawks. Nighthawks. Nighthawks I want to redo. I've been watching the shit out of Cobra. Yeah. I'm really on a Cobra roll.

There are so many great things about that forgotten classic. First off, there's that great scene, you know, like eight minutes and 12 minutes into act one where we discover why he's called Cobra the best part of any cop movie. Cabretti, my office now. Yeah,

that's great. He always has to have the love interest or the partner has to call him by his sort of pussified real God, Christian name, Marian. Yeah. Yeah. That's always a,

but that's always good for some awkward comedy in there there is a car they always have to have some car that is allegedly beat it up beat up but really it's like 120 000 car there's there's a couple things that are always funny about these guys in their cars in act one he's driving by the way a chopped slammed uh frenched headlight completely done uh 50 mercury right and and that would take this to a car show it's his pride and joy is this 50 merc he's driving except for somewhere in the middle act two he's driving next to the bad guys and he's just turning the wheel and mashing into them and sparks are flying out and he's mashing into them again like it's not something you'd even do if you leased a car much less your pride and joy but the movie's great it's it starts

with a maniac who's just taken over a supermarket and the SWAT team is on the roof and they've they've surrounded the joint and somebody goes call Cope Yeah. And they do that great 80s movie thing where you see the 50 Merc pull up, you see the door open, that low shot, and the boots just get out of the car. For some reason, seeing the boots, like it wouldn't work with Crocs. No.

You know what I mean? Like a guy who's wearing cargo shorts with Crocs and no socks would be weird. It just wouldn't look. But maybe he was gardening at that moment and he would be wearing Crocs, but the boots come out of the car and there's Cobretti. And he's like, what's the problem?

We got a maniac in there. He's got hostages. He's like, alright. And he just walks in the front door, which is weird because they have the SWAT team there. No fit at all. There's no plan at all. No bow proof vest. He never takes his sunglasses off. He's wearing the sunglasses.

He's like Jay-Z in a Clipper game. Yeah. Yeah. Except for he's in a dimly lit Albertsons. I don't know how you can find this guy. And then they do a lot of great, by the way, the greatest part. Wait, wait, hold on. Sorry.

You didn't really dive into the whole part where there's hostages at a grocery store there's this guy's a maniac so he's just but I never understood that part like why the grocery store

there what kind of money is at the Albertsons in South Central no but this was evil to be evil right

not for profit this was the this was the extension of like the last couple Death Wish movies. Yeah, just 80s maniac. Very violent, rapey. Right, a lot of

axes and stuff for no reason. Torturing your victims. That's what this guy was. But I don't know why he's taking over Albertsons. But in comes Cobretti. The best part about any 80s movie that involves a

supermarket and a hostage situation is they just use a regular supermarket and they're going up and down the aisle and you get to go Jesus cheese it's 89 cents and that's a huge box that's a big box of cheese it's 80 how much for a Chex Mix oh oh if you like pause it to go 69 cents for a big box of chex mix it's like it's awesome two liters of sprite buck 21 you know like you're wow this stuff was really cheap yeah it's like seeing the gas prices in like a 70s movie when it's like 44 cents or something in 1972 and you're like whoa i love when they whenever there's an la movie from this late 70s early 80s when they'll be on like sunset or s love when they whenever there's an la movie from this late 70s early 80s when they'll be on like sunset or santa monica and there's no build no buildings up yet

yes you're like whoa the skyline yeah there's a fun version of all this there's one you can play called god that chick's teeth were yellow like before all the actresses had their teeth whitened and everything nobody whitened their teeth I mean if you turn on like Fox News now those chicks teeth are like it's like sunlight coming from their face and you see movies from like the 60s and 70s they didn't

they didn't do it no they had like film over the teeth almost they didn't know they all smoked they drank black coffee and then they'd yell alright let's film so they put their cigarette out and their cup of coffee down and start Well, they all smoke. They drink black coffee and then they yell, all right, let's film. So they put their cigarette out and their cup of coffee down and start filming. So Cabretti, there's his wife, Brigitte. They're dating.

He started shoehorning her in his movies. Right. Always a red flag. So she's in there. She plays the role of a model. So she really had to stretch and use her acting chops on this one. They have an insane 80s montage of her modeling in the middle of the movie, which is so- Tremendous. Is so incredibly 80s.

What's funny is that you didn't tell me you wanted to talk about Cobra. No, I didn't. I'm ready. It's not like I've been like oh man I wish I had researched this last night it's like I'm 30 years ready for this yeah I know it kind of fell between the cracks of Stallone movies not for me not for me either but just for society for society I agree I love the

montage but also there's a lot of good like just but there was also an 80s plot with her the reason she's in the movie she's just driving home randomly everyone in la back then they're always driving home on the worst streets possible right i i mean i've lived there for 15 years i try to stay toward the streets where the other cars are but in the 80s movies they don't and she witnesses basically a murder right is that what happens yeah yeah yeah but she doesn't really see her and they somehow doesn't see anything yeah

she just knows something bad it's a bad premise because it's like we have to take her out so she doesn't testify although she doesn't know anything but it leads to a really effective 10 minute horror movie section in this movie in the hospital when they're trying to kill her yeah it's actually good i like there's there's a there's an interesting thing that movies do that i sort of liken to cops no cops and then patients and staff versus patients and no no patients no staff in the hospital so it's like cop movies. So what they'll do in movies is they'll have like a 25 minute shootout. Yeah. There'll be no cops. And then at some point when they need the cops, like, oh, here come the cops.

And then they'll get out of there. Like even in like Pulp Fiction, they were just standing around that apartment firing guns and talking about big kahuna burgers for like 20 minutes. And everyone was like, hey, somebody just took a 38 special and fired nine shots, which probably, by the way, are in the neighboring apartment suns or in this crib. Like, we should stop talking about burgers and get the hell out of here because the propo's right down the street. Like, everyone in this apartment unit must have called the cops by now. We need to leave.

But this is a kind of cops, no cops. And they have it with hospitals. It's dark. There's nobody at the hospital. There's never anyone at the hospital. The maniac gets like a fire axe. Brigitte Nielsen has barricaded herself in the bathroom. And he's just swinging at the door.

I'm going to kill you, smash. I'm going to kill you. This goes on for 20 minutes right no sign of any staff or nurses or seven story authority it's a sorry it's a huge building that's open 24 hours it is very well lit yeah and then at some point after the guy gets away everyone piles out into the halls like what happened what's going on it's like where were you 20 minutes ago when this guy had a fire axe so they were nowhere to be found and then there's some great the other one what's the one with seagal when he's in a coma for a while and he's grows the beard and he sees i think

it's out for justice mason storm yeah he sees the ad i'm gonna take you to the bank the blood bank yeah whatever that movie is but he's in hospital, but he can't totally move yet. And Kelly LeBrock, the bad guys come to get him. And she's maneuvering him through the hospital. And there's like nobody there. It's during the day. I've never been to a hospital that didn't have like a thousand people in it. I know.

And there's no mood lighting in a hospital. It's light all the time. One of the first things you do when you lay out your hospital is like lay out the lighting. People need to see. They're putting syringes into people's veins here. They need to see.

Right. So, oh, you know, Seagal did probably the blowhardiest move you can do as a celebrity, which is sort of become American Indian at some point. Oh, that's when he made Undeadly Grand.

Yeah, Tom Laughlin did that with Billy Jack at a certain point. Tom Laughlin's just a blue-eyed guy from Fresno, but at a certain point, he became Comanche. Yeah. And he lived it. He was that dude. And it's a super blowhardy move,

but I think Seagal did that too back to cobra now later on it was this great scene so stallone is sitting at his home has his super they always have super cool digs you know he's in his always a great car in a great great apartment yeah he also does this move he loves his car he parks it right on the street in Venice. And there's 80s things you don't see anymore from the 80s, which is generic lowrider dudes hanging around, doing nothing, just waiting. So it's like the guy with the hairnet. He's wearing the wife beater.

And he's like, hey, you got a problem, man. But the best part about all those movies is the little business they give the five guys before Stallone pulls up like they're just hanging around doing nothing but in Venice

like they're not going to the beach they're not those people are just on the internet now yeah they're just they're just bullying people on the internet

they're just hanging around and then he pulls up like you got a problem Holmes you know and then he's got to do is how tough he is kind of thing because we're the 80s was sort of the height of scared of hispanic gangbanger guys like oh i wouldn't say right but stallone rips the guy's shirt open and goes you

got a problem home you know and then he leaves his car and he goes up to his apartment and it's like they're not gonna touch you don't mess with with the guys um you don't you don't take a guy's and by the way those guys would have uh you know the nice long sleeve with the print on it there you don't take a guy's shirt and rip it and then leave your 50 merc and then go walk upstairs and not expect it to be keyed or the tires you know whatever yeah they at least key it he goes upstairs he's eating pizza with scissors that that's a bizarre forgot about that he keeps his leather gloves on he keeps his sunglasses on i think he keeps his matchstick in his mouth and he's using scissors to cut up pizza then later on

a whole bunch of guys show up to his apartment and he beats them all up but they're all swinging machetes then later on he has a chase through the streets of long beach with like eight guys and pickup trucks and like standing in the pickup trucks firing uzis adam and stuff and then they go to the inside of the commissioner's office where the mayor and the da and the commissioner and they're like cabretti we don't buy your idea of more than one killer we know it's a lone wolf and you got no proof to back up your theory yeah and he's like uh how about the 26 car chase that just went through downtown la hello or the 19 guys who showed up in my apartment with the axes like that would suggest more than one well there's always one cop that never believes in the hero and has to give him shit and grind him down

and right and he and that guy always gets punched at the end of the movie, which is what happens in Cobra. The punch at the end of the movie is great. Also, at the end of the movie... Did we ever figure out who were the bad guys in this? What was going on? It was like a cult. It was back... A violent cult?

You didn't... It was back... Like Scientology, but with weapons? You did not have to explain evil in the 80s. It was just, these guys are evil, and that's who they are. Because there's that one part when it's like they're protecting Brigitte Nielsen

in a remote location, which the bad guys always find in a remote location in the 80s. Yeah, they're all in an empty swimming pool. Yeah, the one female cop who turns out she's on the other side. She belongs to the cult. It's like, what?

By the way, I like by the way i i like that i like it when nobody really has a job either like hey this is doris yeah what do you do i work at dispatch okay i'm but i'm going up to mount pinos for two weeks you're gonna stay in a cabin with these guys like excuse me you're you don't even get to carry a gun sweetheart you're low level you don't get to just leave the phone bank yeah she was just like well i'll just be going along too if you guys are going up to the but she the movie's got so many holes and i still don't know who when stallone won in the end what did he win uh he got a free harley he got brigitte nielsen on the back of the har that he commandeered. He got to punch out Mr. Naysayer

back then who was wearing the McGruff raincoat. He got to punch him out or the... So he got to punch that guy out. But there's something very interesting about the end of that movie. When he jumped... This guy, Cobra, is so

committed to his reflective shades that he wore them in the Albertsons trying to catch the homicidal maniac with no lights on. He wore them inside his apartment. When he gets on the hog with Brigitte on the back, no sunglasses for that ride. Now he's just going to tool down the highway. Sun, noon, not a cloud in the sky. Very hard guy to figure out as far as the shades go with. And Al Pacino and cruising are the two hardest to figure out 80s cops.

And this movie had fire. There's that part where they would go to the abandoned warehouse, but at some point they flip a switch and all the conveyor belts start up and fire just starts shooting from everything. You know, guys batting, there's a great scene where there's more fire coming from the hall and Cabretti's at the end of the hall

and he just grabs this random knob and he turns it and a big plume of fire shoots out and burns the guy. Remember they do the stuntman catch on fire move? I miss that. The batting average of guys in industrial situations who turn a valve and have the exact right thing happen to them

is 1,000% in movies. I feel like if I was at a warehouse and you were coming down the hall and I just started turning a random valve, I would catch on fire. I don't think it'd hurt you. I would say it's the same batting average as the there's gas on the ground, flick the lighter,

throw the lighter, and the lighter somehow doesn't go out as it travels through the air, which I think, what was that, Fast Five? There was a great... That was the big plot twist of Fast Five. No, there was a great, yeah, there was the perfect one for like, the movies would be like, pull the gas hose off the,

pull the gas hose off the kitchen range, put the mic, set the microwave for 55 seconds or whatever it is. And then just walk like that was the greatest thing from the fast four. I think it was four when he turned the nose on. It's on inside the car and then hit the cigarette lighter and then sat there casually for like 10 minutes talking. He knew exactly

how long it was going to be. It's also when they have the timing. Like at a certain point when the guy takes the gun, cocks it, like puts it to the guy's temple and goes, I'm going to see you

in hell, Dom. And he'll go, I'm not so sure about that. It's like, how do you know you have it down to the second? Yeah. Because I'd be stalling for time.

I'd be like, let me give you a blowjob. I mean, I wouldn't really blow him, but I'd tell him that. And I'd say, start preparing, and this is going to be awesome. Oh, let me get my knee pads. Hold on. I'm not wearing my blowjob shoes. Hold on a second. I'd stall, and then the car would blow up.

But I wouldn't be like, yeah, I'm not so sure about that. Or not if you get to hell first. The guy's just going to squeeze the trigger. It's not even one of the 130 most improbable moments in the series. No, but Cobretti, go back and watch Cobra in that factory. Kate's never seen Cobra, I bet. There is fire shooting from, like, who would devise such a factory where just fire shot out from every wall

everywhere you are not how many people are in your whole universe now in terms of well you're doing like six podcasts and you have a whole podcast network yeah i i have you but it's mostly older people around you right i have no no i have i have the podcast guys that are the kids, the young guys. So, all right, so those guys. Does it drive you crazy when you mention a movie and they haven't seen it? And it shouldn't because it's the equivalent of in the 80s if somebody said to us, like, oh, you haven't seen so-and-so and it's a movie that came out in 1959, we wouldn't have seen it. Yeah, no, I know.

I have people who work for the ringer and i'll be like yeah you've seen the good son right like the good son what's that i'm like yeah i've seen the good son it only came out 20 years ago well also part of it is just a sort of narcissism that we have which is you should know what i like and you should get familiar with it now god damn it yeah you know i love cabretti now you should go torture yourself with Cabretti. And they're like, but this is the same thing that a lot of people have with us. Like our friend Kevin Hinch. He's like, I'll go, you should definitely check out Cabretti.

And he'll go, is it good? And I'll go, no, it's not good. And he'll go, well, then what do I want to watch it for? You don't get it. You don't get it. You have the point. The part that it works bad means you have to watch it right right but the problem for us is that in the last 10 12 years people became so hip to the it's it's good because it's bad that they try to make the movies bad but they're trying too hard yeah which is why

we love fast the fastious franchise so much. Yeah. One quick break to talk about audible.com. Do you love books, but you don't have time to read them? Well, audible.com has the perfect solution. Get audio books and listen at the gym during commutes, or even when you're watching basketball on mute.

You know who loves audible? The Simmons family. Oh yeah. My wife and daughter use it on longer commutes, or even when they're just going to and from school. They love it. Audible's free app works on iPhones, iPads, Android, Windows, Kindle Fire, over 500 MP3 players. And you own these books. You're not renting them.

There's a great listen guarantee. If you don't like a book, no worries. Exchange it for another title. No questions asked. Why listen to sports radio and lousy music channels when you just listen to books to get smarter? And if you're committed to a new workout regime, increase your reps while you free your mind. Look, you can't make more time, but you can make the most of it. Turn your community into something more with a free trial

at Audible. Go to audible.com slash BS today and start your free trial right now. That is audible.com slash BS. Oh, I forgot. I forgot. I haven't told you this. Uh-oh. I went out.

So it turns out the writer who wrote all of them and is in charge of the entire franchise. Chris Morgan or whatever? Yeah. Yeah. And is now in charge of all the monster movies that are coming back to Universal,

like The Mummy and all that kind of stuff. The man has acreage on the lot. You can imagine how much money. It turns out he's the nicest guy in the world. Yeah. And it turns out he's a neighbor of mine. And it turns out he's the nicest guy in the world. Yeah. And it turns out he's a neighbor of mine. Oh. And it turns out he's a big fan of mine.

And we found ourselves sitting around having lunch. It was actually on the Saturday before the Oscars. He's the sweetest, nicest guy in the world. And I said to him, it's funny at a certain point. It was funny because he was trying to pick my brain. I want to know about Loveline and the man show and stuff like that. And I was like, I want to know about, you know, what's going on. And talked about Paul Walker and where that movie was at and how he had to get all the footage and scrape everything together from previous movies.

Yeah, his hair had to match and crazy great super sweet guy but at a certain point I had a couple of drinks and I was like I like bad movies and I was like well not your I mean they're not bad I don't mean bad like saying anything

bad I mean like it's stupid you know lame and they're going like yeah that's worse so I was like I said to him I like bad movies and I was like but not fast bad i mean like it's stupid you know lame yeah going like yeah that's worse yeah so i'm saying like i said to him i like bad movies and i was like but not no no not not not fast you know not the fast movies those are good but i said like me and bill simmons we we i said let me tell you how much we like bad movies when the day the marine came out with john cena we were sitting alone at the arc light at the like the 1 p.m. show in an empty theater. It was great.

So that's how much we like bad movies. And he's like, yeah, that was my movie. The Marine? Yeah. I was like, oh, wow. This is getting worse. He had to know, though. It was his premise and his script

that he gave to somebody or whatever. Oh, that's hilarious. Nicest guy in the world, but it was. So I love it. I love all this stuff. And I'm looking at the poster of All the Right Moves, and I love All the Right Moves. Another 80s with some flaws. I can't get into it, but I will just say just one thing about all the right moves.

The whole thing is they build this premise, and it's always kind of weird when they build a premise and it becomes sort of their whole movie, except for it doesn't work. Which is they build this premise where he's like this overachieving guy and he has this coach that's you know up his butt and and unfair and blah blah blah but in practice when the guy does the 10 yard out and he closes the window he gets there too soon and it's interference and it's interference so the coach like you know goes hey knock it off like don't do that you're gonna get flagged for that he's like and everyone else like that was a good play. That was a clean play. Then in the championship, you know,

in the iron bowl at the end, after he gets the pick and always when it rains, it rains, the water, it rains way too hard. It's a monsoon. And then, but, but then when he does it in the game,

he interferes with the guy again. Like he wraps. It's, it's so, it's such a, it's such a cruise move, but he closes the window and wraps the guy up before the ball gets there. Right. And then they throw the flag.

And I was like, what? What? It's like, yeah, that deserved a flag. So whatever the premise is. Tate, you haven't seen that one either. Oh, all right, Tate. He got he got there too early, didn't he, T? Do you know what movie?

Yeah. What cable movie? I think I've rewatched the most times in the last 10 years? Fast and Furious accepted. Castaway. I don't know where you're staying on Castaway. My thing about Castaway, I'm right with you. The thing about Castaway is it's really like three movies. It's like Fat Tom Hanks on the plane.

It's like a rom-com for 25 minutes. It's small, medium, and large, Tom Hanks. But there's no point in that movie, and I think you can say this about all good movies. There's no point. No, no, I don't mean no point. There's no juncture in that movie where if you start it, you can't just keep moving forward.

Because I can catch him on the plane. I can catch him on the island. I think it's the most rewatchable movie of this century. The best thing you can say about a movie is you could come in nine minutes in or 81 minutes in, and you're just in until the end. I can't do the cave dentistry with the Bauer hockey skate. That's the only part where I have to pause and fast forward. I can't.

Self-dentistry. So I've watched this movie, God knows how many times, and my son watched it with me like a month ago. And it was like we jumped in halfway through and we just watched the last hour so at the end when he's driving around in the car the volleyball is in the in the passenger seat which i never noticed i've seen it a hundred times my son's like look dad the volleyball right so we had a new volleyball in a box right

what's going on there yeah i think that's their small sign that hanks lost his mind right also and it's it's gonna really go off the rails because why else would he have a volleyball what's he gonna do like put he's gonna paint it and bring it around and talk to it i never even noticed that either there there i love the scene where he comes back and there's just big king crab legs everywhere for the buffet oh that's that's great. That's great. That's a brilliant scene. I love that scene. Well, let's talk about it.

Is there any way that he survives, A, the plane crash? Yeah. The plane crashes in the water and it throws him back. Yeah. He's dead. I think everyone's dead right there. Somehow he doesn't die. Then he gets caught underneath, pops out, lands in that raft.

That raft's in the Pacific. There's a monsoon. Somehow never flips. He passes out and wakes up on the island. Well, my favorite part of any movie, and at least he had a raft. I like movies where there's 30-foot waves, the ship's going, listening to the left. The person falls off. There's thunder, lightning, storm-foot waves. The ship's going, you know, listening to the left. The person falls off. There's thunder, lightning, storm, huge waves.

And then they cut to not a cloud in the sky, and the person's laying on the beach, and they're like, ugh. What happened? I don't know. In the history of maritime disaster, do you think there's anyone who went over on, like, a tuna boat, went 30- foot seas,

and just woke up on the beach? Nah, I mean, he's obviously concussed. I like it when they wake up on the beach. Like, how did you get here? By the way, you're face down. This would never work. But I bought everything in that movie. Here's what I did buy.

So we find out later that he almost killed himself. He went up to the top of the mountain. He got a whole bunch of rope. He was going to hang himself. I didn't even get that part. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because he goes, he's like, oh, he's going to go. He starts talking to Wilson and he says, oh, you know where there's 30 feet of rope.

Ah, but we said we'd never go back up there. And he goes up. He pulls the rope. I thought he was going for like vulture eggs or something. No, because when he pulls the rope up, there's like this piece wood that they he obviously tried to simulate if he would have died right all right if you're gonna kill yourself yeah how do you not open the last fedex box first yeah he leaves the one box he doesn't open also there should have been a masturbation scene as well because at least like you're going getting ready to master if i'm alone on an island

and i got a picture of my honey bunny and i'm gonna do myself in in 20 minutes that's how he well they they hinted that after he gets out when he can't sleep and he's lying on the floor right and he looks over at the helen hunt picture it's like oh no come on stop spanking it's that thing yeah yeah precious battery times yeah so the the you know the thing that's always funny about all survival rescue island movies yeah is they always have that part in the middle act two after they've been on the island for two days where the luxury liner goes by and they're going like and the other thing that's always funny for me is I'm always cheering like, come on, turn around, turn around.

He's right there. Right. But we're 37 minutes into a movie. Yeah. And I have to know on some level there's no way

the cruise ship turns around but I'm still screaming like, get those pomfrons lit. Get them lit. It's weird emotionally, right? Like, I must know better by now. We all open

all of those boxes right away. Oh, yeah. I'm going to save that last one in case I get out down. I'm opening it. What if it has like an iPhone in there? Full charge. Actually, you wouldn't have an iPhone in 2000. But would it, you know, some sort of something that can help?

Yeah, a satellite phone. Anything. Yeah. You never know. He found, I mean, he got ice skates in one of them. You never know. I agree. I used ice skates in one of them you never know i agree i used that for dentistry got the small shoes do you think you would be that good of a spearfisher after four years no i've never 40 feet away you're just plucking out marlins no

all right what we're here talking we're talking about? We were talking about... No, we were talking about the Fast movies. Yeah, the Fast movies. I have one more Castaway thing for you. Yeah, go ahead. You're married to Helen Hunt. Yeah. You marry her after this guy dies in the plane crash. Yeah.

Yeah. The guy comes back. Yeah. She's so emotional about it. She can't even see him. Yeah. Your living room has all the maps from the crash which she has somehow kept even though they already found this guy she's obviously obsessed

bad enough that she's still trying to figure out right where this guy is yeah first night back 11 30 at night he's outside your house you don't wake up. Yeah. I had this whole conversation. He drives the car out of the garage. Yeah. She comes running after him. What's his name? Chuck. Chuck! Right.

Pouring rain. They make out in the driveway. He drives her back. She's soaking wet. You're not up with a gun at this point. It's very complex. It makes me think... You think you just had too much to drink?

Yeah. Remember there was that model, there was that Victoria's Secret model that was with her boyfriend when the tsunami hit that island. Oh my God, that was horrible. And it took him out to sea and she ended up being fine

and he was never seen again. That to me is the ideal ex-boyfriend to me because really the other alternative is well she was banging david spade right and now he keeps like you go to a cool restaurant he comes walking in with some 23 year old blonde and it's like should he say something should i say something and then later on you gotta work and do something with him and It's like, what do I say? This is weird. He texted her. Chuck's.

Yeah, I feel bad for the guy, but I don't feel bad for the next boyfriend. You got a supermodel and your last boyfriend was just taken out to sea. Right. Like literally that was just God's force majeure. God's will. Now I'm here. That's just me. Her next boyfriend.

That's a good deal because normally they're banging some producer or something and ultimately you're gonna run into him or see a movie or whatever it is all right so um i'm with you i'm with you on that okay let's talk about helen hunt yeah um i want to um okay dan finnerty of of the Dan Band is married to Kathy Najimy. And Dan Finnerty was a big fan of mine, and I'm a big fan of the Dan Band. And I think Kathy Najimy, like I said, we're throwing this big Vegas 40th birthday party for Dan. Could you come? He'd be really excited if you were there. And I'm inviting a handful of friends

and I'm paying for the dinner and whatever. And I was like, okay. And I went there and I found myself just sitting next to Helen Hunt at this like 10 person table in the middle of the Bellagio or something. Did you ask her why she didn't go back with Chuck Nolan? That would have been my first question.

I was just sitting there going like, ah, what do I say to Helen Hunt? Like, oh man, I love, I love that Twister movie or whatever. I really did like Twister. I kind of liked that movie. I don't feel like it got its due. Yeah, it's solid. She like went to me and she said, uh, Hey, I loved your movie. And I said, you love my movie?

And she's like yeah i saw the hammer and i said oh how did you see the hammer and she went i went to the theater and i was like what and she's like yeah i was playing at the theater for like two days and we just went there and saw it we really enjoyed it and i was like wow i love helen hunt but i this i have no idea that the best way to core his heart is to praise anything he's done immediately. She went to the movie theater and saw my stupid movie based on nothing. So that was awesome. I told you my daughter, we watched The Hammer.

My wife was away. My daughter and I were hanging out. And The Hammer was on. I was like, that's Adam's movie. She's like, Adam made a movie? Sonny Natale's dad was in a movie? She was stunned. Watch the whole thing.

My kids don't even know I made a movie. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah. It's solid. It held up. And then I was like, that lady's married to Hench, my friend Hench that I own a baseball team with. She's like, oh, cool.

Yeah. And then you started kissing Hench's wife. Yeah. A lot of confusion. A lot of confusion. Yeah. All right. I also shared the confusion. Well, this is one of those confusion. Yeah. All right. I also shared the confusion.

Well, this is one of those. Let's take a quick break. All right. Quick break. Yeah. Let's talk about propercloth.com. Every guy knows that it's hard to find a dress shirt that fits. Maybe the collar is too tight.

Maybe the sleeves are too long. Maybe the shirt's too loose. Guess what? I have some good news. Ordering a custom fit shirt has never been easier thanks to Proper Cloth. Create a custom shirt size in seconds. Just answer 10 easy questions. No measuring required.

Over 500 fabric styles to choose from. Everything from classic business to casual shirts. All high quality starting at $85. They have hundreds of five-star reviews on Google and Yelp. It is the highest rated custom shirt maker on Google. Go to their easy-to-use website, make a custom profile, even order from your phone. And again, the key words, custom fit.

They guarantee a perfect fit. Remakes are free. The Proper Cloth team makes it super easy to do. Stop wearing shirts that don't fit. Don't look like Vin Diesel. Wear shirts that fit. Vin Diesel's shirts are too tight. Look your best.

Go to propercloth.com slash BS. Enter gift code BS, and you get saved $20 on your first shirt. Oh, yeah. Again, propercloth.com slash BS. Gift code BS. And since we're here, what's worse than having lousy sheets? Tate, do you have lousy sheets? Yeah.

Tate's nodding sadly. I remember being in college and even a couple years after college trying to prolong the same set of sheets for weeks because I did not feel like doing laundry. I still have nightmares about it. There's nothing worse than sleeping on crappy sheets. Well, guess what? Great sleep starts with the right sheets. They're more affordable than you think. With Ball & Branch,

they make the most comfortable sheets you'll ever sleep on, fall asleep faster, sleep deeper, wake up ready to kick some ass. Each sheet is crafted from 100% organic cotton.

Feels incredible, looks amazing, and since Ball & Branch sells exclusively online, no expensive retail markup, half the price, twice the quality. Anyone who loves on Ball & Branch sheets

loves them except Tate who doesn't sleep on them because they're going to have to send you some. Alright, they'll look out for Tate. That's why they have thousands of five star reviews raised in the New York Times and Forbes. Even three U.S. presidents have Ball & Branch sheets. Go to ballandbranch.com today. You will get $50

off your first set of sheets plus free shipping when you use the promo code BS. Try them for 30 nights. If you're not impressed, return them for a full refund. Once again, that is B-O-L-L and branch.com, ballandbranch.com. $50 off, plus free shipping. All you have to do is use the promo code BS. And now, back to the one and only adam carolla

all right let's do it fast seven fast eight we a lot of ground to cover yeah fast seven which we did not see together yes and i don't remember why i think you were away you're up to something we just never ended up seeing it together fast eight i saw in boston i wasn't here either. Fast 7, we didn't know what to expect with Paul Walker. Right. We knew he died. Yep.

In real life. Yep. We didn't know if he was going to die in the movie. Nope. We didn't know how they would resolve it. Nope. We didn't know how they were going to do the CGI'd Paul Walker face, all that stuff.

Right. Fast 7 turned out to be a really good movie. And the ending is, i would dare say the most emotional ending of any action movie that i've ever seen i would agree with that i can't think of another one that that matches it and i still get a might even like the 20th time i still get kind of choked up certainly not in the seventh installment. You know what I mean? Like maybe you had an emotional moment at the end of Rocky one. But by the time you got to Rocky seven. Or first blood, like Rambo, like crying about. Right.

All that. Yeah, there's been moments, but not like this. Well, not in the seventh version of it for sure. Because they just jumped the shark by two and a half. Did you ever imagine this would turn into the James Bond of this generation? Where they could just keep releasing these basically forever? I got to say, I remember it very well. I would always go to the LA Auto Show.

And you know I'm a car guy. And I would go to the LA auto show and you know, I'm a car guy and I would go there. And one of the things I like to do is I would like go there on preview night. So it wasn't that crowded, like press night or something. And while everyone else would be looking at the Ferraris and the Lamborghinis up in the top, like in the a pavilion, I'd go down into the basement and walk around where the guys sold like spinner rims and

and the sham wow guy was there hawking a chamois for your car that could dry dry denali and and not leave a streak i love all those weirdos down there and i came upon a bunch of like slam to the ground pink miatas with stupid stripes and stuff on it like three or four cars and they were just you know when you see those cars in person they look pretty junky you know and because they do really fast paint jobs on them and slap stuff on them and stuff doesn't even work and it was like the new movie fast and furious coming out in august you know or whatever it is. And these are three cars from the movie.

And I remember just stopped and I just looked at the stupid pink Miata and the stupid Honda Civic, you know. And I was like, oh, this is lame. I just said, this is going to be a list. You didn't know your life was going to be changed. Oh, not only my life, my family. I mean, they're miserable, but it's still a change. There's a negative change. It's family anyway.

But I was looking at these three like crappy, like literally like a Honda Civic, you know, front wheel drive with a 1.6 liter, nothing in it with a bunch of light, you know, with neon lights underneath it. Like all real car guys, we hate all that stuff because it's just a bunch of window dressing and weight and junk and everything else. And I was like, and the name, you know, Fast and Furious, it just sounded stupid.

And I was like, this is going to be super lame. And that was all I remember. I remember seeing it and being angry how unabashedly they ripped off Point Break. Yeah. And it was just Point Break with cars. And it made me mad, but I enjoyed the whole movie. Yes. And then I drove home 130 miles an hour and I'm like,

I didn't love that movie, but yet I'm still thinking about it. But by the third one, by Tokyo Drift, I assumed it was over. I mean, I don't even think I saw Tokyo Drift in the theater. And then I heard Vin Diesel had the little cameo at the end. Yeah. And I had Neil Moritz, the producer who produced all of them. And he said he convinced Diesel to do that little cameo at the end. But they didn't know if the third one was going to be straight to video.

I mean, the guy who's in the third one is not a great actor. Lucas Black, the Texas guy. Oh, yeah. You're right. But then it goes to four, which we saw in the theater, and it's like the band's back together. And it was just magic. Yeah.

Five's the best. I still feel like five, the Brazil one, and just that ending, and the safe. It's like that's peak Fast Furious. It's everything. Doesn't get any better than five. But seven was really good. And seven starts out with...

Seven was good because you had a major obstacle to overcome, which is the star of the franchise passed away halfway. Halfway through filming it. Halfway into filming this. And how, A, are you going to deal logistically with that? But then how are you going to deal with the story of where this guy is. And there's a little bit of a story break with Fast 7. Yes.

With Fast 7 slash Fast 8, which there's going to be a spoiler alert, but I don't care. Anyone who's listening to this has probably seen the Fast movie at this point. If you haven't, come on. I don't want you. I don't care.

At the end of Fast 3, or not at the end the in the middle of fast three han dies right comes back so we it's almost like we're ahead of time in tokyo drift there's like a whole time lapse thing yeah and then when four five six happens that's kind of earlier than fast 3. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But at the end of Fast 6, Han dies and it's Jason Statham. Now you sound like Lynette from this morning. She never, oh no, wait a minute. She has no idea what I'm talking about. So, Jason Statham.

Yeah. Jason Statham. Statham. Jason Statham was the guy who kills Han, basically. Yeah, yeah. Right in the middle of whatever Tokyo's Times Square is. In Fast 7, he's the bad guy. He almost kills The Rock.

Yeah. He tries to kill everybody. He blows up people. Speaking of the deserted hospital from Cobra. Deserted police office. Yeah, the police station. It's just The Rock. He's the last one there.

Yeah. It's eight o'clock at night yeah he was he was just putting cocoa butter on his arms everyone else had cleared out of the building and he was just chillaxing back in his office yeah so fast eight it's like we need jason statham we're gonna let the basically the two bad guys from five and seven, we now have to team up with them. But Statham killed Han. Yeah. He tried to kill The Rock. He basically tried to kill everyone in the movie and they're like, let's let bygones be bygones.

Right. Too big of a stretch for me. He definitely 100% killed Han, who they all loved. And Vin Diesel's like, it's all about family. It's like, this guy killed most of your family. They invited him to the barbecue at the end of Fast 8. I know. Hey, Jason Statham, can you get me a hot dog?

It's like you're trying to kill everyone in the building. Yeah, you got to have a short memory in that game. Really short. Well, he lives his life a quarter mile at a time. That's true. That's a pretty short memory. His brain goes a quarter mile at a time. The part that's less believable for me is when they're constantly having their chicken ram fights where he. Oh, the straight the straight on collision in Fast 7 is ludicrous.

I literally interviewed a guy for my Take a Knee podcast who invented the railing that goes around NASCAR. He investigated Dale Earnhardt's death, why he died. He invented this kind of barrier that had this cush barrier. So if you hit it, it wasn't cement. It gave and blah, blah, blah. And he basically says, like, if two cars are going at each other at 35 miles an hour, that's 70 miles an hour combined just double and you die yeah and that's how it works and they're fast seven it's like 70 versus

70 oh man they're going like 110 and 110 at i mean their combined speed is like 240 miles an hour and they're like peeling out and they're coming right at each other and they both just hit each other with this you take a look at what killed Dale Earnhardt. It didn't look like anything compared to this. I don't think Vin was wearing a seatbelt. Vin didn't move where he turned his neck. He cracked his neck. First off, his head wouldn't be attached to him.

But then it gets better. He walks out. He looks at the Aston Martin Vanquish or DB9 or whatever he's driving, Statham's driving, and he goes, reinforced front clip. So what Statham did is he bought a bone stock Aston Martin Vanquish and then completely reinforced the front end on the off chance that he'd be ramming somebody at some

point but he let be tens of thousands of dollars sunk into a car and tons of weight and then and then he accuses him of of not fighting fairs like that's like putting a i say i say he says like that's like using weighted gloves or putting a horseshoe in your gloves in the boxing match. And he has to explain to him this isn't Marquise of Queensbury. But the point is that there's a lot of discussion about reinforcing the front of that car. I just feel like that's something. And at the end of Fast Eight, Vince flipping him a cheeseburger. Right.

How do you like this, Jason? Is it medium rare? I like it when they're in seven. They were both equally... You know, the whole thing about the Fast series, I've realized, is they can both... Both the antagonists and the protagonists are equally angry at each other.

Like, if you'd watch a Tyson fight from the 90s, Tyson was pissed, but the guy who was fighting was kind of scared normally. It's usually how it worked. They weren't equally as pissed at each other. And you see it like UFC and sporting events and stuff like that. One guy's really pissed. The other guy, you can tell, is a little bit scared.

It was like Amanda Nunez against Rousey. Nunez was madder and really wanted to play. Rousey looked a little bit scared. Yeah. Right. Nunes was madder and really wanted to play. Rousey looked a little bit scared. Yeah. Right. The thing about like Statham and Vin Diesel or The Rock and Statham or Vin, they're equally outraged at each other all the time. And they're like both going to kill each other to the point where they're both just in a car and they're high performance cars and they're just going to throw it low, peel out

and ram each other with the same velocity. All right. So when this happens a lot in the fast movies, the two cars next to each other and they're ramming into each other. Yeah. If you do that, like when I watched NASCAR and these are the best drivers on the earth and a lot of the, a lot of the accidents happen because somebody like gently nudges the back of somebody's car and sends them in this tailspin.

Yes. And yet in the fast movies they're going 90 100 miles an hour ramming into each other and keeping the car straight is that conceivable i can tell you that as a five-time participant in the toyota celebrity grand prix you can ram a lot of cars and and everyone does and have some races have been cleaner than others some have been just all-out carnage but if you go around the hairpin at the very beginning of the shoreline drive and they even do it with indie cars and regular cars race there and you go around it and somebody just bumps you in the back you'll you'll spin around if you're turning in any way you got

to be turning and they got a bump if bump you straight ahead just straight ahead you can pretty much rub paint you'll be fine just like in nascar it's just when they tap them right as they're going into the turn and they they spin them all right so fast seven that's a movie that has a bunch of planes landing on a mountain with parachutes yeah Yeah. Perfectly on the mountain. But also has the cars jumping through the two buildings in Dubai or Qatar or wherever that is. Yeah. The double Vin Diesel.

Oh, the brakes are gone. Right. Goes through the second one. Which one was more improbable for you? Well, I'd say the building to building one. I always feel like the passenger is a little too calm you know what i mean god rest his soul paul walker like when vin's like we're going to the next building paul's like let's do it you know it's not like what like you gotta think you gotta

put yourself in paul's position yeah you're sitting in a car you got a guy controlling it he lives his life a quarter mile at a time that's on the ground you know what i mean now he's in the he doesn't do he doesn't do nautical miles in the air he doesn't quarter miles do you think the car would sink immediately you mean when it when it flew flying through from one building the other wouldn't it just gravity immediately it falls it's like if you got enough inertia i'll buy that you can travel like jump on a motorcycle or jump on a snowmobile or like X Games thing. Like you can cover a lot of ground.

Because the bus in speed was always the most improbable. And the bus in speed actually went up. Well, the bus in speed is a little improbable because the takeoff and the landing ramp were at the same elevation. Yeah. So, and no angle, just the same elevation. And somehow no angle just the same elevation and somehow it went up somehow it went up yeah so you think that was more improbable than parachuting from a plane the car dropping them going wait wait no and the parachute goes up and they just land it

right on the right on the road the the the most improbable part of the whole let's jump out of the c17 in our modified dodge challenger was the direction they were facing it's like they all loaded the cars in forward and go and then try to flip it they should have backed all the cars in so when the when the tailgate dropped on the c130 they could just drive out forward, not go out backwards. I don't know why. That always bothered me. If I'm ever going out of a C-130 and a Challenger. I like that that's what bothered you. The other thing that bothered me, too,

is he had his modified Dodge Charger. I think he had a Dodge Charger. Vin Diesel always drives the Hemi Charger. He's a Mopar guy. And he had the thing all lifted up with the all-terrain tires. He had two spare tires on there. Not sure what he would have done with the spare tires. I just don't feel like there would have been time on the side of the road to get the scissor jack out and pull the lug wrench out.

I feel like the game's over by the time you change that tire. It's just extra weight. All right. Here's my next question. My next fast kind of big picture question vin diesel and fast one he's like a street racer right he's just in in downtown la somewhere like this modest house and in the heart of the city yeah and he races is it fair to say he probably hasn't gotten out of LA much at that point?

Well, maybe so. Go to Nevada or something for road rage or whatever. West coast only. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Whatever they got out to race wars or wherever that was in the desert. But I don't know. Unclear if that was even in Nevada. So we get to four. Mm hmm. Stoke seems us bound. Right. Get to five. He's now in brazil yeah his connections in brazil somehow yes yeah by the time we get to seven paul walker like the whole thing it's like

they they blow up somebody blows up paul walker's house yeah though it's like we got to find you somewhere safe we'll call my friend in the dr yeah here's the dr so now he's in dr and these guys knows all these people in the r he by the time we get to eight he's in cuba he went he's on the down low in cuba just living there how does how does dom toretto you know all these people in all these countries he went from like low level street punk to la la to To the world's greatest traveler. Maybe parts of Orange County. Yeah.

To, and maybe venture to Ventura County. To basically Richard Branson meets the Dos Equis guy. Right. In terms of his international reach. Yeah. He's like, I know where we'll be safe in the DR. Yeah. We'll go down there.

My friend knows the mansion. It's like, how do you have friends? You're like DR. We'll go down there. My friend knows the mansion. It's like, how do you have friends? You're like a street racer in East LA. Yeah, I don't know. It's a mystery. It's called personal growth, Bill. You should look into it. Oh, so Vin Diesel cares about family, loves family.

He's all about family. That's his thing. He finds out he has this bastard son he didn't even know about yeah in fast eight with this woman he has broken up with yeah immediately turns on everyone in his family his quote-unquote family nothing more than family la salute me familia does all these toasts they're done now he's now he's on the other side committing hundreds of millions of dollars of crimes. New York City, cars flying out the garage. I mean, I can't even calculate the damage.

Hold on a second now. Because his son is in danger. I can't say too much because of the pending lawsuit, but I did lay down a little premise of a movie called Navigatin' a few years ago. You did? You should take it up with your friend Chris Morgan. I will give him an earful because on my radio show in 2006,

they had this whole thing where it's like, oh, the car parallel parks itself. Remember that? They show commercials, like you hit a button and the car just backs in and turns or whatever. In Navageddon, Bruce Willis plays a a jpl scientist but he's old school you show the beginning of him pulling up in his vintage bronco yeah right and he's putting like he's putting water in it because it's overheating and all the other guys are pulling up in their

priuses and stuff and making fun of them hey why don't you join us in the 21st century? He's like, ah. But when the satellite goes rogue and is hacked into by the Russian hackers, well, the scene is that the mother and the daughter are just driving their Prius, and all of a sudden the doors lock. They're like, what happened? And all of a sudden they can't control the wheel. He drives them all into the Grand Canyon in Navigant.

But Bruce can't be affected because he's still driving the 71 bronco smart navigating man so they ripped it off because of the lawsuit i can't really say my i can't talk anymore about it i'm really not even supposed to bring it up so that's all here's my next fast question yeah this. This one's going to hurt. This is going to hurt your feelings. All right. So Dom is with the Brazilian cop. Oh, can I say this just real quick? Like if my wife, like if Lynette's listening.

She's not listening. All right. But if or if anyone knows her can tell her. If we're ever in that situation, we're on our like cabana in Cancun or something or we're in Cuba or wherever port of call Dom lands in. Yeah. And we just make sweet love under the mosquito net, you know, with the ceiling fan that's turning slow enough to not really do anything. Nothing like that mosquito net love. And at a certain point, I just go out into the balcony where the curtains, the gauzy curtains are flowing and I look really good with my shirt off

and I'm just standing there giving like a 10,000 yard stare and I'm like just looking, drinking a Corona where I hold it so far up the neck that half my hand is actually off the bottle and actually drinking through my hand. All right, if that ever happens, don't do what you normally do,

which is just watch TV inside for an unlimited amount of time i need you to come out put your hand on my shoulder and ask what i'm thinking okay because that never happens to me that's true i stand out of the balcony for days lynette just shuts the door and watches my wife never asked me what i'm thinking my wife never asked me what i'm thinking she tells me to shut up all the time but i feel like every time Dom steps out on a balcony, he's there for like 14 seconds sucking off that Corona before some hot chick comes up and goes,

what's going on? I can tell you're thinking about something. So when I had Neil Moritz on, the producer, Neil Moritz, I asked him why Vin Diesel drank beer that way. He didn't really have an answer. You can't teach that in acting class that there's this great book we wrote about on the ringer on billions they ordered pizza and it was damian brody the english guy

who plays axe and malin ackerman the sweetest actress who plays his wife on the show and they're eating pizza and they're eating it like you know like they're like they'd never held a piece of pizza before yeah it's my non-smoker who has to smoke in a movie. Doesn't hold a cigarette, right? And Vin has obviously only had Coronas when he's filmed these movies. He's never drank a beer. And now he's such a big star, nobody has the balls to go up and say, Vin, maybe hold it lower.

Hold it like two inches lower and don't tilt it the whole way. You know what he needs? He needs a koozie. I feel like this could be solved with a koozie. Like we'd go, hey, all the cool kids are like, you know how there's that old picture of The Rock and he's wearing the fanny pack? Yeah.

This will be your fanny pack. It's the Vin koozie. One of his Latin American friends should tell him when he's traveling. Yeah, it's like it's all the rage. It's all the his latin american friends should tell him when he's traveling yeah it's like it's all the rage it's all the rage all right so here's the koozie this is gonna hurt your feelings fast five eds he's with the brazilian cop yeah fast six he's incredibly understanding by the way like well so no i mean we're gonna get like if lynette's listening if i discover love this thing well okay but someone tell her like if i if a love comes

back into my life i'm gonna need you to understand that that's what i'm thinking about on the balcony right okay so fast five he's with the brazilian cop at the end right fast six letty's alive right right finds letty the bra The Brazilian cop at the end says, you follow your heart. Basically, like, I'm not going to stand in your way. That's what I'm telling Lynette. That's what I'm saying. Like, I got to follow my heart. Fast seven.

Right. Fast forward. Paul Walker's got a house. The gang's all spread out. Right. Stuff starts blowing up. We got to get the band back together. I mean, how many months do you think goes by

between, let's say, the end of Fast Five all the way through Fast Seven? I'm going to say like two, three years. Here's why I know. Yeah. Paul Walker's kid, when the house blows up, he's taking the kids to school, right? Right.

It's been at least three years because initially they had the baby in Fast Five. Right. But then by the start of Fast Seven, that kid's in like pre-K or first grade kindergarten. So it's been a few years. Can I jump in for a second? Yeah. I've dropped my kids off at school dozens of times.

I was never greeted by a milf like the one who greets Paul Walker when he drives. She's smoking. It's never happened. I get the chick with the like thyroid problem becky ann we we get it she volunteers she's pretty lonely you know there's not much to go home to yeah so can we say can we say it's way too hot to be volunteering three three and a half years yeah i'm gonna say fast eight turns out the brazilian cop whatever his old flame had a kid yeah it's a baby it's about eight months old yeah math doesn't add up no it doesn't add up and they were like they

hadn't dated for four years how's the kid eight months old so did either did they screw up the math or did vin go back and get a little extra? Well, once you do the sort of Han time continuum where you're able to hop back and forth, you know, you can do it with offspring as well. The bigger question is, what's up with her hair? Like, she's a hot chick. Then she cut it short and did some weird. Because she's better looking than Letty. They had to they had to start messing with her hair.

I hope I get into a point. I thought you'd be more upset about this time continuity thing. I'm more upset about her hair. I think Vin went back and stepped in. He should have gone back and fixed her hair. Letty's got to be like, wait a second. What happened? This baby's only eight months old.

We've been dating for three years. I thought we were exclusive. But he would have just gone out in the balcony and thought about it. I mean, how many hours collectively would you and I... Has he stayed in a balcony? If you and I just went out on a balcony... Before my wife said anything? I feel like I would just die of exposure

before my wife came out put her hand on my shoulder and wanted to give me a penny for my thoughts i just died of exposure i'd be eating my crows so like what happened to your father he went to the balcony to think about an old girlfriend and that's the last time we saw him so fast seven ends the last 30 minutes the os shootout which i thought was pretty weak uh oh sorry fast seven fast seven before the paul walker farewell to paul walker scene with with god's the rock rips his arm off goes just once in my life i'd like to have a cast removed by flexing yeah just literally just flexing a tricep and having the cast it wasn't that hard because he there's so much body butter from the last six weeks

that it melted the cast. Yeah, he's taking off. I liked it when he started calling everyone woman. That's another one, yeah. What'd you got, woman? There should have been a cameo. There should have been a cameo by Caitlyn Jenner just so he could go, woman, I don't got time for this stuff

it'd be awesome so fast eight yes uh everything's okay dom then has to go dom's in cuba but now has to go rogue to save his bastard baby who should be four years old can i say this too yeah in every movie not just fast and it was in fast uh seven and it was fast because at the end when like paul walker and it it goes all the way back to karate kid yeah it goes back to every one of those like movies every every every kickboxing movie and every karate movie and everything at some point like walker squared off with the dude inside the bus when it was on the highway. Great scene. They always start this.

They did it with the Karate Kid. They do it with all this. They start the move where the guy we're rooting for, who really is kind of a street fighter and doesn't have any serious training, like not spent a lot of time on the mat in the dojo. The guy does a move and then the guy does a backflip and then a spinning crescent kick

and like kicks out the light bulb and then pulls out nunchucks and does a wha! And you go, well, this guy's like a seventh degree black belt who's been doing this his entire life. He's probably been competing and doing this. And then our guy just comes in and kicks his ass

like Ralph Macchio or the guy. They'll do the move where you knock the guy down, and he gets up by going into a full back bridge, and it springs back up those feet. And our guy's wearing jeans and boots. How does he actually? Maybe that guy shouldn't be that highly skilled. And how would Vin Diesel develop all these judo skills?

He's a street racer at East LA, but on the side, he's sneaking over. I think if they did a little bit of storyline where that guy did all the crazy stuff, skills i you know he's a street racer at east la but on the side he's like sneaking over i think if they did a little bit of storyline where that guy did all the crazy stuff and he then went but i have drank four beers i would then go okay now this is a little i can believe this now i can believe now but the guy sobers the day is long he's a chinese acrobat yeah and he's a human weapon why does our guy get to kick his ass every time so fast seven the ending of fast seven is incredible i loved it i loved it could you have any we couldn't have ended the series there but we could have we could have and i don't think any of us could ever complain about just seven movies or or any walking off in

the sunset literally we go back to Fast 8. Dom's now bad. We are under the premise that Brian is still alive. Yeah. Dom's gone off the rails. He's causing hundreds and millions of dollars of damage. Right. Nobody in the group says,

we should call Brian except for one person, and they're quickly poo-pooed. Right. Brian, Brian, who has, you know, has worked with,

um, against, um, the emotional, spiritual leader of the group. Well, and it's just poo-pooed. It was,

it was this kind of thing. They did it in, um, uh, they did it in the specialist. Yeah. With Stallone. Hmm. They, they. They have to address something, but they can't spend any real time

on it. Address it. The answer's ridiculous, but at least we can say we addressed it. In The Specialist, they had to go to Sharon Stone. This guy raped your mom and killed your dad. Why not just hire a guy assassin? Why not just shoot him?

Too imprecise. Too messy. Oh, so you hire a guy? Just going to put C4 in every mailbox and just blow up all of Miami? So somebody said, why not just get a guy to shoot him? And she's like, too many innocent people could get hurt. I'm going to hire a guy who's going to blow up the cabana the guy's living in. So they had to address it, but the answer wasn't very good.

That's what it was. Were you happy with Fast 8? I thought it was the weakest one since, I thought it was the weakest of the last five. I still enjoyed the hell out of it, but. I, yes, I realized for me, it's become like McDonald's, like a Big Mac. Like a Big Mac isn't even a good hamburger. It's just a Big Mac. And like when you're in the mood for a Big Mac, it's awesome.

But it's not like you go, oh, this is a fantastic hamburger. You just go, it's a Big Mac. I think Fast Five was a $27 gourmet hamburger. Yeah, I agree. it's a big mac i think fast five was a 27 gourmet hamburger yeah i i agree but the thing is you can't go wrong with the whole franchise with me because it just is what it is now it's like i had a couple issues yeah so it i wish they really should have consulted they should consult with us when they make these well here's what we were missing because you had it you nailed it with the cuba the balcony they did that we never had the scene i i need vin talking about family or like that that scene we love from i think it was fast five we're just inexplicably vin and paul walker hanging out and

he's like tell me about your father yeah and vin's like my father my father used to because this whole ridiculous monologue about his dad right my dad used to go out there and it didn't have those moments i didn't feel like it was it was like a formula movie yeah i was missing a couple of the human elements well there is this thing where maybe it becomes so big it like can't support its own weight like it needs so much it needs to be done they literally have to go to ice. They have to do nuclear bomb on ice and ice riding and ice driving and missiles.

I like the part where the Soviet sub from the 80s was catching up to the Lamborghini. I just don't feel like you can go through ice that quick. You probably go about two knots an hour or something like that. But it's like, that sub's catching us. Hit it. Were you happy with Charlize Theroneron yeah i like uh let's see what was her name scyther

cypher cypher i like cypher not since angelina jolie and gone in 60 seconds being called sway yeah has there been a hot chick with a cooler name yeah she was sway cypher yeah uh i i didn't i didn't like that she just cruelly shot uh the cop in the head dom's baby mama yeah gunned her down shot her yeah took her i mean it was like one way to resolve the versus the old girlfriend plot but it was pretty. Letty was crying no tears over it. They got a thing going with airplanes in the Fast series, which is in six, they had the unlimited runway. Yeah. Like that plane.

Never ended. 28 miles. That plane was just never took off and never ran out of runway. No. Number one. was just never took off and never ran out of runway no number number one this one i kept wanting waiting for them to refuel like i just feel like you gotta you gotta refuel in the air or something like we gotta know that her plane never landed and never refueled just weeks would go by this thing was flying you want to talk about range, this thing, like the thing about planes is like,

they got to refuel every 10 hours or so. That's kind of go. That for me, also when they got his car in the middle of the square and they got the grappling hooks all hooked into the door and they were doing the crazy pull thing on it

and they're pulling it all apart. They were doing that thing where they're like, that car's got a thousand horsepower two thousand horsepower three thousand horsepower and i just i'm just here to tell you no there's no three thousand horsepower car no no no there's no two thousand it's really no the answer but i brought you know what for the first time i brought the lynette and i brought the kids. And we went to a movie theater.

I brought my two kids. And I was like, I was waiting for that balcony scene because I want to say to Lynette, hey, hey, okay, huh? How about a little something when I head out to the porch? Right. But it never came. Yeah. But they loved it. Yeah, my kids loved it too.

And I was like, well, good for you because they had not seen any of the other movies prior to this one, which is good. Too bad they're never on. It's a standalone. At least it works that way. Can I pitch you Fast 9? Yeah. And then we'll wrap it up.

Fast 9, I'm playing off the success of Dom from becoming just this guy in East LA who's a street racer to now this richard branson of street racing and also the fact that no whatever he does seems to have no repercussions and he never has to serve any time in jail and none of that stuff it's like you caused a billion point two dollars worth of damage yeah but i had to get my son back oh okay cool that's fine so that so he's there's no repercussions in nine dom is now he's famous he's a famous guy he's now a celebrity right he's his his street racing slash whatever world he's in he's out he's he's now open about it yeah and has a reality show yeah it, it's like Jesse James.

Remember when he, you know, one minute he's just... Netflix gave him a big offer. He's just like sitting around welding in some shop. Next thing you know, he's married to Sandra Bullock. He's got his, you know, selling more T-shirts than the Dodgers. So Netflix goes to him and says, we want to do like an Anthony Bourdain type of travel show with cars and how you'll be on the road.

And here's a great check. Vin's in. Right. He goes to that thing that you went to, the thing that you go to, the celebrity. The celebrity. The Toyota celebrity. Yeah. What's the best celebrity car racing one?

Well, the Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix from Long Beach is canceled now, but they did it for 40 years. All right, well, in the movie, it's back. You can go to Pebble Beach and go to the Laguna Seca. Pebble Beach, it's back. Yeah. So Vin's a celebrity now. One of his celebrity friends, I don't know who the cameo is. Maybe it's Adam Carolla, since you know the guy.

Let's go Doug Benson. Doug Benson. Doug Benson's high. He's like, Vin, you should do this, take down the celebrity thing. He's like, I don't race celebrities. It's too easy. He's like, Vin, you should do this, take down the celebrity things. I don't race celebrities. It's too easy. He's like, I just do it, just banging out. So he goes, and what he doesn't know is that terrorists are going to take over the celebrity thing.

And now it's Vin and a bunch of B-list celebrities, and they're stuck there. The team has to come fast nine. Yeah, I'm in. You're in. Well, you'd literally be in because I think you'd be in the movie. I have you dying at the 1 hour and 15 minute mark. What's that? You, in the movie.

Yeah, I'd make a cameo. Yeah, I love it. What would be your dream scenario for Fast 9? You know, I... Because it feels like Statham's now part of the gang. Well, I guess you have to take Charlize Theron and... Oh, okay. All right, I just thought of this.

Okay, good. I figured you'd come up with this. Because we have a time... I never had given it any thought at all because I just wait and want to be surprised. But because we have our sort of time continuum thing and babies being born out of wedlock and dates not lining up. We have Charlize Theron returns,

but she returns as her character from road warrior. Okay. She's missing an arm. Yeah. Mad Max. Her head is shaved. We don't really explain it. She's just that now who knows when that movie took place. We don't really explain it. She's just that.

Now, who knows when that movie took place? We don't know if that was the present, the future, the past, or whatever it is. But she shows up not only on the side of good, but as the character from that movie. I would watch the shit out of that. Would you combine John Wick and Fast and Furious? Yes. Yes. Keanu shows up. I think I enjoyed John Wick, too, more than Fast and Furious. Yes, yes. Keanu shows up. I think I enjoyed John Wick 2

more than Fast and Furious. Wow. Yeah. I did. I thought John Wick 2 was one of the best five action movies I've ever seen in my life.

I only saw the first one. I didn't see the second one. Oh my God. I gotta see it. I don't want to devastate you. I want to watch that one with you. All right, so Wick shows up and she shows up

from Mad Men. That sounds great. Yeah. Did you see the Anthony Joshua heavyweight match? Yes. I think we're done with the Klitschko's finally. I think we might be. I think our long national nightmare is over.

But ironically, Vladimir, Vladimir, Vladimir finally had a good fight. Yeah. That was an awesome fight. That was the best heavyweight fight in at least 10 years. And yeah, it was none of the drape and hug and everything. It was Joshua's throwing wicked uppercuts in the 11th round and following it up with combinations. It seemed like he was going to die in there.

Yeah. In the sixth, it just seemed like he ran out of gas and then somehow he was able to sound I bet on him. You took Joshua. We took Joshua with Canelo. We parlayed them. Oh, oh yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. We got to, yeah Joshua? We took Joshua with Canelo. We parlayed them. Oh, oh. Yeah.

Yeah, that's good. Yeah. We got to figure out Canelo. Yeah, I thought it was a great fight. I mean, he's literally super heavy. I mean, the thing is- He's not even heavyweights anymore. Klitschko's running into guys that are bigger than him for the first time ever, and he's

never run into guys that were bigger than him. It's like this guy, six, nine, 300. Yeah. Ridiculous. No.

And they're there. And, and, and he has skills. Normally guys that are six, six don't have skills. Joshua has, it was the most even match we've had since rock versus Vin Diesel and fast

five, which is to this day, the most evenly matched fight we've ever had in a movie. I, I love it. I don't even know who won. Adam Carolla, any of the six podcasts you want to plug? You can just go to adamcarolla.com.

We do podcasts all the time over there. I'm coming on. Which one am I coming on? Take a Knee, which we've had everyone from Norman Lear to guys that invented guardrails and things like that. It's our inspirational podcast. So you check that one out. Okay. All right.

And your shows on spike 11 o'clock, uh, spike Adam Crow and friends, uh, build stuff live. And, uh, it's a fun show.

Check it out. And, uh, you can see, uh, I got a Newman documentary. I got, I got,

uh, winning the racing life of Paul Newman. I also have a movie on the 20 called 24 hour war, which is Ford versus Ferrari at Lamont, the sixties epic battle. So if you're into that, check it out. Okay. Adam Carolla, thank you.

Thank you. Thanks again to Adam Carolla. Don't forget to subscribe to our new podcast, Larry Wilmore, Black on the Air. You can subscribe to that right now before it launches on Thursday, May 11th. And don't forget to subscribe to Against All Odds with Cousin Sal. No relation

to the 1984 terrible movie with Phil Collins. Oh no, he did the theme for it. Jeff Bridges, James Woods, Rachel Ward. No, no relation to that at all, but you can get some gambling tips. Welcome aboard, Larry Wilmore. Glad you're here, Cousin Sal. And we'll be back later in the week on the BS Podcast. There's like a slim outside chance I might show up on the Ringer NBA show on Thursday if the Celtics, if something crazy happens in that game. If not, we'll be back on Friday morning on the BS Podcast. As always, thanks for listening.