The Bill Simmons Podcast - Bill Burr on the NHL Playoffs, Kelly Olynyk's Magic, Chris Farley, and R-Rated Sports (Ep. 217)

Episode Date: May 24, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by comedian Bill Burr to discuss his love for hockey (10:00), the great food in Winnipeg (15:00), the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry (23:00), the major changes at Fenway (34:00), the weirdness of hockey (41:00), Kelly Olynyk's Game 7 (53:00), Chris Farley's comedic intensity (1:02:00), the potential for R-rated sports channels (1:17:00), Paul Pierce's farewell (1:21:00), and Trump's international tour (1:25:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This is our second podcast together. Yes, it is. Yeah. You have F is for Family. What day is our second podcast together. Yes, it is. Yeah. You have F is for Family. What day is it? May 30th. May 30th. The second season of F is for Family comes out. And this time we have 10 episodes rather than just six.

I think the first season they just wanted to see, all right, what is this? Because it was kind of weird for a comic to do an animated show. Yeah. Because it hadn't, you know, I mean, there's a bunch of guys that did them, Louis Anderson, all the way back to Bill Cosby and stuff, but just they hadn't done it in a while, so they're kind of like, eh.

So I think they just were like, eh, we'll give him six. Yours was set in the past, too. Yeah. So maybe they were dubious whether that might work. Yeah. It worked.

There was a bunch of red flags, but Netflix, thank God, went with it and let us do whatever the hell we wanted to do. And we brought the great Mike Price from The Simpsons on board, and that's when it took off. He's one of the creators of the show. And yeah, so we got 10 more coming. Well, you accomplished one of your goals, which was we had to decide that my son couldn't watch it. Oh, is that right?

Yeah, because it was too, it was too far over the line, but now he's a year older. I think he's ready. Nine and a half. He's nine and a half. Yeah. I'd wait.

Come on. I'd wait. If he was the youngest and had like, you know, some teenage siblings, if he does, then, then that'd be,

then that's a different kind of nine year old, but like taking the beach as the oldest is a nine-year-old jumping in, you know, there's that weird dynamic, you know? I saw in the preview trailer, like there's a guy in a bathrobe and his balls were kind of hanging out underneath the bathrobe a little bit. It was the head of his dick.

That sort of was... Yeah, it goes by real quick. And I was thinking like, that is in my son's wheelhouse. That is his kind of humor. So I'm going to let him watch it. We started early in the simmons house there you go i like it because they're gonna find it anyway all right i just

want to take responsibility if he starts cursing his brains out but all right let's uh there's a lot to cover for us um since the last time i talked to you but we might as well start with the fact that you you have a child that now probably she's four and a half months which means i'm gonna say seven weeks ago she stared at you for the first time with that look like hey it's that guy i like that guy yeah and then that's it you're done for life when that happens that's pretty much it and now uh but she's also at that age when she's totally attached to her wonderful mother so it's like when i hold her she looks at me and then she just is like it's just like a surveillance

camera looking at my mother my wife her mother jesus christ bill um all over the uh all the room so um and my wife can make her laugh and i can't i'm bombing with my own kid i'm like stealing my wife's jokes it's basically faces and holding them up over your head and and dropping them quickly and then bringing them back up yeah she's starting to turn over and she's getting ready to go. So we agreed that we were going to look at child gates and all that stuff. We've got to go Trump on her. We've got to wall her in. You know?

And, you know, child-proof the outlets and stuff. But it's awesome. You're like four months away from that. And I don't want to get caught flat footed. Because she's already rolling up. It's already to the point we can't walk away if she's on the bed. Because she figured that out. She gets her legs up in the air and she just kind of does a little lean to the side.

And then that's it. Then she gets on her stomach. And once she puts together like, oh, I just keep going this way. Yeah. Then, you know. Donald said there in Culver City. Yeah. I want her to learn about gravity when she's

like standing on the floor not you know up on a king-size bed it's like a two-story drop at her age so we definitely well listen stuff's gonna happen that you're not gonna like you're gonna have about nine of these i understand you have a kid you have nine of those why do parents always have to bring the fear and i know i know it's coming you don't think it's out of fear it's that i went out on the porch one day with her, just holding her, and I immediately thought, what if a bird of prey came,

snatched her and took her away? I'm already scared enough. I don't need a vet here. Oh, dude, wait to this in a few months. Yeah, I don't need that. I'm like the Chris Chaleos of parenting. Just wait. I've been around the block.

Yeah, this is a business kid. Don't get too attached to these colors. Yeah. Could you imagine having two of these? Definitely good definitely so that's good some people get scared off after the one and they're like i'm good the only thing i'm scared is she's so chill and mellow that usually the next one comes and is like you know the tasmanian devil yeah so um so then that's usually from what i've talked to with parents that's about a year and a half of your life before you can even begin to be like hey you're kind of being a douche can you knock it off you're exhausting so but whatever if that

happens it happens because uh i'm so excited to be a dad because i always wanted to be but i was a lunatic and whatever i became a dad when i was supposed to and i didn't think it was going to happen for me so i'm glad that i didn't go down this cliched comic route of not being married not having a family or anything like that and even though it's later in life for me I just didn't want to be that guy you know working the new copa whenever they open that up when I'm 90 coming in there in my coffee stained tie you know bitching about the green room I didn't want to be that guy I remember 25 years ago I bet that you would have a kid right before Janet Jackson. Oh, is that right?

She didn't have hers yet? No, she had hers. I was going to say. No, it's like she's the other one who waited a long time, Janet Jackson. She was 50. Yeah, 50. Imagine being a 50-year-old and passing out a child.

I can't imagine being 20 and doing it. I know. I was watching my wife do it. 20's insane, 30's crazy, 50. No, that was like, I saw a level of toughness in my wife that you know i knew she was tough to argue with but like their ability to just they are built because they're gonna have to you know they're built pre-modern medicine to have these things in a cave yeah so that's like the level of pain that they can...

It's human nature. Yeah, so I was joking with this, saying like, you know, I used to think if an intruder came through the door, you were going to be standing behind me after seeing that performance. I might be behind you. They're like, hips this place. All these laws of physics come in that we didn't even know were possible. It's amazing.

Yeah, yeah. I would say a woman during childbirth and hockey players in the third and fourth rounds of the playoffs are the two toughest species we have. Yeah, I'd still give... Those last two rounds. I'd still give the edge. I would rather take a puck off the skate than... They take them off the face. Oh, I know.

Those guys slide down. That's the craziest. They're like, I got to gotta come out the puck hit my face slap i don't know i'll come out i'll be back do you ever play hockey no oh my god one time one time i took one out and it wasn't even it was just a wrist shot yeah it just caught me running the side of my foot hit my toe like my whole toe turned purple the next one was like half the toe and then the next toe was like just the top of the toe and like it was like this weird like unbelievable pain and then totally numb and then uh and i started you know like everything i do in life i started i started playing hockey late and then ever since

then i had an even more of an appreciation that i can't imagine an nhl level wrist shot forget about a slap shot like back in the day that guy al mcginnis was like over 100 miles an hour chelios you know not chelios sorry uh um chara chara when he had the hardest slap shot i saw him hit some guy on the side of the foot and it was just over this guy i don't know where the hell he was he made these things called skate fenders and they they apply these plastic things i used to wear them when i play pickup hockey and if i get hit the side of the foot they were great these plastic things and they claimed a lot of guys in the NHLs would wear them. They're like clear plastic.

It's so weird that they protect all your body except for your feet, which is so important, and of course, you know, behind your calves.

And some spots in the back, it seems like, there's like a couple spots the puck can sneak in there. Yeah, it's not fun. I went to the All-Star Challenge,

which was for the most part terrible in February, but they had the fastest-Star Challenge, which was for the most part terrible in February. But they had the fastest shot competition. And we were behind the net. And Ovechkin shot. And he missed the net. And it was coming right at us. And it was the most frightening moment of my life.

Oh, yeah. It felt like it was 300 miles an hour. I don't know how the goalies do it. Yeah, that poor guy, man. He's taking all the heat. He always seems to take the heat. It's like, no, this is the guy you need to build around. He's not the problem.

I was like one of the best guys in the league, the problem, but they always do that. That's like when Isaiah missed game three and we won and all these people are going like, you know, are they better without him? Should the Celtics not have Isaiah Thomas? It's the best. I always just look at it like there is so many sports shows

and there's so many hours to fill that you actually have to do that you have to be stupid you almost hear it in their voice where it's just like guys are we really gonna try to we're gonna commercial fish on this one let's throw the net out there

that's Boston Sports at Midian in a nutshell though they have so many hours now it's all day two stations and then one of the TV stations is three hours at night so they're just staring at each other going should we do

the Isaiah thing no that's crazy we can't do that no well maybe we need to get one segment out of it and then the callers go nuts

what side of the argument do you want to do can I please can I please be the guy who doesn't think that they're going to be better without him can I please be that guy

you pay for the Chinese food I'll say that they're better off without him you owe me on the next without you owe me on the next two you owe me on the next two when they want to bench tom brady after a pre-season loss where he only played the first quarter and they're asking for uh garoppolo again i want to be i want to be

the guy arguing for tom brady there was some great boston sports media stuff in the like 48 hours like isaiah goes down and then one of the guys i think think Tony Mazzarati, who's on the show with Felger, had this tweet where it was basically like, it's hard not to conclude that the Celtics and Isaiah haven't quit on this season. Meanwhile, Isaiah's got like a torn labrum in his hip. He said it's hard to conclude that what?

That they haven't quit on the season. Basically, he's saying they've packed it in. I'm pretty sure Isaiah's hip packed it in. I don't know if he packed it in. But it's also, I think that not only the Cavs were arrested, I thought they came in with a chip on their shoulder. I thought it bugged them that we were the number one seed. Yeah, it wasn't great.

I went to game one. It was over in three minutes. Yeah. I, unfortunately, was traveling. I think it was in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, for the great town. Yeah? Oh, yeah. No, it's awesome.

You have no idea how psyched. If you go to Canada, you must love it, though. I love it, but everybody goes to the major ones, and those people, as happy as they are for you to go there, they're never going to be happier than if you go to Saskatoon or Regina, Winnipeg. They're like, finally, I don't have to drive eight hours to go to your show. But then, and then the other cities like the Torontos, the Montreals and Vancouver's, when

you go to those cities, what's great is just the cosmopolitan experience and like, you know, all these incredible restaurants and all that. But I will tell you, dude, the food in Canada is unbelievable. Unbelievable in Winnipeg specifically. You must love just putting on the Canadian Sports Center and it's like 28 straight minutes of hockey. It's the greatest. It's the greatest.

And then you draw, I was working up there with this guy, Nate Craig, he came up out of Wisconsin. He's a really good hockey player. And we would drove by this basketball court and there's all this wood around the court and he goes, dude, that's for a rink. They're just going to flood that. And I think when I was in Ottawa,

I played on a flooded basketball rink. So it was this really small rink and I can't even tell you how fun it is. Everybody who bitches about the winter, it's like if you did that, you'd actually be excited that it was getting cold out. I felt like a little kid. I did a whole tour

through canada like maybe three years ago and i brought my hockey stuff because everybody kept going like nah dude we got stuff i'm like yeah i'm sure you do and i know what that smells like and i'm not putting that stuff on so yeah i hated going to and from the airport but when i would be suiting up or whatever just having my own stinky sweaty stuff was uh you know i'm too old like you get to a point as a guy you're too old to have a roommate. You get too old to be single. There's certain things. And at some point, I don't know what age,

I got too old to borrow somebody's hockey, stinky hockey stuff. I couldn't do it. My son, after the 2014 playoffs, my son got super into hockey and wanted to play it. So we got him skates, started playing. There was like two rinks in LA. And I was thinking like. Maybe down to one.

I heard Pickwick's closing. If think it's pickwick closes it's done no it's valley you still got valley ice uh out in sherman oak there used to be more than one call closing culver city but anyway yep culver city that one i went to that one when i did your show and wayne gretzky was on he told me that they the kings used to practice there right he said you could stand at the blue line, not move your feet, and you would slowly move down towards the goal because it was like that uneven after all the earthquakes and stuff. But that was a great rink, though, man. Oh, well, but the thing is, I mean,

it was so hard to get them to these different places. And then the ice times and everything, it was like it just wasn't worth it. And it started to discourage them from playing. Whereas, like, if you lived in, like, Saskatchewan, your dad just, like, pours water on the driveway and you're skating around. I mean, it's such an event. It's amazing for any American hockey players.

When you're in Ottawa, they have this little canal. I don't know how deep it was. I mean, I immediately, when I started skating on it, was thinking about the omen that I was going to go underneath it and people would be digging on the ice

trying to save me. But I guess it's only like two feet deep. So they flood it during the wintertime. And it goes like right through the middle of the city. And people like skate to work. You can go get like hot chocolate and stuff. I mean, it's like you're in some Christmas movie. And then they had a free outdoor rink.

Like there's just these women were like figure skating. Another guy was just skating around with like a puck and stuff. And was just and i was like do you gotta pay like like oh no it's free go ahead go have a good time and just like nice nice as hell and um i mean as much as i loved it uh nate who i just worked with like he's like he wants to not only move but he wants to marry a canadian woman like he he's in. He's just in. He's just like, this is the nicest stuff. Well, think about if basketball worked that way and none of our basketball players, all of them, if they ever, like, shot basketball, they would have to, like, drive 25 minutes

to go play for an hour. Oh, yeah, and buy, like, $500 worth of stuff just to get started. We'd be done. Basketball, you just go outside, you shoot. And hockey, you you know no wonder the canadians are still killing us although we have more americans than we've had probably at any point that are good i have to be honest with you once they got all the uh players from around the world and most of the names became difficult to pronounce that's when i kind of like back in the

day it was just canadians and a few americans yeah and then um once they opened it up which has been a great thing it's been great for the nba it's you know the more the great thing in the 80s i remember really resenting the stastny brothers oh you didn't like that i just like who are these guys well i thought they i would just assume they were canadian the guys they played for the nordiques right right? Yeah. Marion, Anton, and Peter, right? They were like Czechoslovakia. Oh, they were. That's right. That's right.

And they were all in the same line. Like, what is the odds of that? Other than like the Sutter brothers were like six out of seven. Right. All made it to the NHL. And you know a couple of them barely made it and were like black sheepy. But they just, at that point, it was just bet on the Sutter. They were all kind of good.

They really, I don't even know who the best one was. They were all kind of good they really they were all kind of good to like all-stars they were um i you know they were just all i think i i've seen this story like a zillion times i can't believe i forgot it or but it was just a bunch of uh they grew up on a farm you know did all that farm work all day and then their idea of playing was beating the crap out of each other playing pick a pocket all of them had like faces that looked like they'd been broken no yeah they were cool they're definitely you know he so he was the kings coach daryl and his son was special needs and would wear a king's jersey every game and they would show him on the jumbotron and after like year three year four he became like the most popular kings fan and when they needed to get the crowd going

they would show him ch Chris Sutter and he would do this whole thing, like this Hulk Hogan, he'd Hulk up. He'd go crazy. And the crowd would go bonkers. And then they fired Daryl Sutter this spring. And it's like, it's, I've never seen anything like this before because it's like all the Kings fans are like, so we're going to lose Chris, right? Like Chris was like the guy at the games.

So they lose him because they fired his dad. I can't imagine he would go to the games. I can't imagine the Kings didn't see that coming because eventually. They should have like hired him. It's going to happen. You're going to go your separate ways with the coach. It's a double loss. But hockey coaches never seem to last more than a couple of years,

except for the true greats. Somebody tweeted something funny saying, every coach in the NHL looks like a Bond villain. And I said, look, that kind of is true. It kind of is true. But hey, how about the Yankees, huh? You don't like that. I like that they're relevant again,

because I didn't feel like I cared about the Sox-Yankee rivalry anymore. That's never fun. But now we're the evil empire, man. I know. Now it's like we're the 03 Yankees. Exactly. We're the inept empire. When Steinbrenner, rest his soul,

was saying nothing he liked better, I used to always joke, than a 37-year-old future Hall of Famer. He loved to pick up that last contract and give him an extra 10 million bucks. Yeah, and there was some, I'm not going to name the names, but there was some bad endings of careers

during those early 2000s. The Kevin Brown, Randy Johnson era, yeah. Yeah, all of those guys. And then even like, what was his face from the Orioles? He just couldn't get lucky because he was great for them. The pitcher.

Messina? Mike Messina, yeah. He just was one of those just bad luck guys where he didn't get one with them. But the Red Sox, I feel like we're going to gel and we're going to turn it around. We're going to go on a run. But like, how the fuck did the Yankees always find, they always find that guy. Like, he can't just be good he's gotta be like a hero

like this guy like Aaron Judge yeah he's all like humble and stuff he's like a 6'7 right fielder I read this whole thing in Sports Illustrated he's like

where does he live he like lives in a hotel in Times Square cause he's not sure if he's gonna make the team yet he's got 18 homers and he's all humble and he's handling the media

effortlessly it's like is this gonna be another Roy Hobbs Yankee guy you know it is like i just wish they could have guys that i could hate again like i couldn't hate jeter he was much as in the beginning i had trouble hating him too yeah it's just he was what you're basically you hate greatness i mean what is he doing he's doing his job yeah he doesn't talk trashy guy i love when he would argue a call too he never got in the ump's face he had this thing he. He would kind of grab the ear hole on his helmet, and he would sort of stand perpendicular to him. He wouldn't get in his face and just kind of, in his own way, handled it with respect,

let him know that he didn't agree with it. I never saw him get it. Did he ever get ejected? I don't think I ever saw him get ejected. No, the smartest NBA players do that, too. They don't get mad right away. They kind of walk over, and they put the hand on the side and just kind of rip into the ref.

Yeah. God, that was fucking terrible. You're the worst. Do they say stuff like that? Yeah. They'll get mad. They'll get mad at the refs, but the smart ones, the refs don't want to be shown up.

Don't show them up, yeah. They don't want to replay with Kobe yelling the F-bomb at you and it's on Twitter. Yeah, no, the thing with the Red Sox, they brought this guy Dombrowski in to run the team and he's one of those guys like, prospects? They might not pan out.

Let's turn them into stars now, which works sometimes, but when it does work out, you feel like you almost cheated. Chris Sale's amazing. We gave up two of our best prospects for him. He's amazing. Did we get him as a gave up two of our best prospects for him. He's amazing. Did we get him as a free agent?

No, we traded for him. We traded two of the best prospects in the organization. Okay. So, you know, that's kind of the big market bully move, right? Where you're like, ah, we're going to take your best pitcher, but here are some two prospects, and they might work out, they might not. And then they traded for Pomerantz, which was another one of those big market moves where you go, all right, here are two prospects.

We'll take this guy too. And in that case, he's been terrible. One of the prospects is already starting for the putter. It's like you can't win either way with this thing. You know, sales are awesome. So how we spent like 210 million because i want something like that yeah and but when i look on the field i don't feel dirty i don't feel like super no we we uh it does it feels a little like we were talking about but we had already done that we did that in

oh seven like oh seven was ridiculous see i always thought after we won three world series i just would have been like let's just build around the kids. Everybody's cool with that. Just stockpile awesome young kids and we can watch them blossom. I've only seen a few games. They keep raving about our outfield like it's the most talented since Rice, Shrewsbury, and St. Lynn. I think they're going to come out of it, though. They're just having the slump early. It's better than a collapse in September.

We'll see. Well, I told you, Ben Intende has, the last time we did this, Ben Intende has a chance to be the all-time ladies man out of any boston sports guy who ben intende andrew ben intende i don't know who that is you really haven't watched the red side no i haven't you've been touring i know i know like xander bogarts i know pedroia uh what else so ben intende is the fred lynn he's kind of fred lynn oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay i just from cincinnati that's a tough name to remember what else so Benintendi is the Fred Lynn he's kind of Fred Lynn reincarnated

oh yeah yeah from Cincinnati that's a tough name to remember you've only seen a couple games a year yeah okay

he I have seen yeah he's got a lot of potential to well I always this is always the time of year I'm watching

the Stanley Cup finals NBA final and then I'm gonna then I get take a break then I get into the baseball I get into I start really getting into it after NBA playoffs. Because it's like that late June.

All of a sudden, there's no sports on. It's like, all right, baseball. Right. But baseball should not be a 162-game sport. It's pretty insane. Oh, that's another thing that Aaron Judge, he loves the grind. Just everything about it is like, this guy is like... Sounds like you like Aaron

Judge maybe you should switch teams he's airtight he's airtight no I'm fast dude you can't you have to take yourself out of being a Red Sox fan and be like okay all right we messed up we said we sell Babe Ruth right then they have Garrick and then they go to DiMaggio then they go to Mantle and then Steinbrenner comes in and he buys up the Oakland A's. But the Oakland A guy didn't want to pay, so whatever. He had it flamed out with Dave Winfield and all of that type of stuff. Trying to frame Dave Winfield. Yeah.

I was trying to say it nicely. Then they go Jeter. Then Jeter leaves. He's gone for one year. One year they don't have the do-the-right-stuff astronaut guy. And then in comes this guy just to fill the void. And it's always from their system too, other than the Babe Ruth thing. But it's always from their system.

Well, this was out of nowhere because I'm in this crazy American League only fantasy league where you draft minor leaguers. This guy in our league got traded for Mike Trout by this team that was trying to win the title. So he traded Aaron Judge for Mike Trout. And none of us were like, oh, you just gave up the next Babe Ruth. Like it just was not like that. So it happens. That's the thing with prospects.

Sometimes they blossom. Yeah, but here's the thing, though. The fact that they've been able to do it so consistently. Do you realize that the 1980s was the only, I'm like a total nerd for stats and stuff. Like the 1980s is the only decade the Yankees haven't won a title. How insane is that?

Well, in this decade. This decade, well, it's not over yet, is all I'm saying. I still feel like the two titles that, actually there's three that bother me the most as a sports fan because it ruined the narrative I wanted in my head. That's very mature that you realize that.

I'm selfish. The 09 Yankees bothers me because it would have been so much fun if they just never won a title with A-Rod. And A-Rod was credited as the guy who literally ruined Yankee pride. I was kind of hoping that after the collapse in 04 that they never never won another one for a while, and it would be like, and there would be some sort of thing like that. But I wasn't just going to put it on A-Rod. I want just... All right, so yeah.

So the combo of the 04 comeback and A-Rod, and then it's just that the Yankee fans become like sad Mets fans. Like the Mets fans are sad now, and the Mets made us really unhappy in the mid-80s, and now it's kind of come around, and now they become sad sacks again. You can kind of hate Mets fans, because they've always been like the you know the ugly sister and i don't hate mets fans i hated them for years so that was one title another one was when peyton manning beat rex

grossman in the super bowl if if if brady just holds on and completes the third and three and manny never wins the super bowl and then finally gets it as this decrepit guy on denver who the defense wanted to him that would have been fantastic and then i would i really am bummed that kobe won a title without shack because that would have been fun to make jokes about you only won because of shack you never won one on your own well at some point you just gotta admit you were wrong that maybe kobe could play a little bit i was wrong on all three yeah i was like kobe's too selfish she can't i was writing my book and i was actually i had to hand it in in the spring and the last chapter was about the secret of basketball and i go to bill walton and he's like my guru and right and we can't agree on how kobe

played and all this stuff but then kobe just won the title and it completely changed you know what i what the theme my book was that unselfish play chemistry teamwork that's what always is going to trump people like wilton kobe and then kobe won the title yeah taking like 28 shots a game ordering everyone around yeah that was that awful game seven right where they won it from the line that was the that 2010 that was when they repeated 09 was when the magic beat lebron and then kobe beat the magic okay okay it was the next year that yeah the next year the celtics should have won and well and i would never say they should have won what i would have said i always say it i always i always know it would have been nice to see whatever team was

going to win that game it that it wouldn't be taking unguarded shots from the foul line. You can't call ticky-tack shots. I mean, the Celtics and Lakers are the NBA. That would have been nice. But, you know, I don't... Did you watch the lottery? No, I didn't know what was happening. Dude, I was up in Saskatchewan.

You really? I was completely out of the loop. I had no idea giselle said something about brady's concussions and that wasn't great either i didn't i didn't hear anything about that um that was tough because you know it's true you know what's her idea of a concussion she twists her ankle on like the you know they always do that thing where they walk with the high heels and they start doing it's like you're on a skateboard that's going 90 miles an hour but they're just walking uh maybe i don't know i

think he's all right the wives know everything because it's always like when you you know your wife tells you something hey mary told me this but you can't tell her husband you're always gonna it's always gonna be that circle yeah so he must have told her yeah yeah remember the super bowl when i hit my head in that falcons game i got a concussion i didn't she wouldn't have made that up is my point he's been doing it too long to be i don't i think these guys are like i think football players and hockey players they're just if they have a concussion and they feel like they can play they're not telling the doctors some of the times especially in hockey i know for a fact because he had a concussion he didn't that that thing that says hey don't tell your wife this wasn't wasn't yeah it wasn't going he forgot he forgot to tell her yeah jesus that's scary man

well what a time for a break let's talk about propertycloth.com every guy knows that it's hard to find a dress shirt that fits maybe the collar is too tight the sleeves are too long their shirts too loose i have some good news by the way everyone always says that you're the best at doing the reads of anyone yeah because i would have said maybe maybe you ate too much quit blaming the clothes order a custom you need to do some cardio custom fit shirt has never been easier thanks to proper cloth create a custom shirt size in seconds by just answering 10 easy questions no measuring required over 500 fabric styles to choose from everything from classic business to casual shirts all high quality starting at just 85 when you go to canada

what are you packing like two suitcases you're gonna bring the heavy jackets right it's cold no no this time of year no one suitcase you're carrying on you're trying to carry on backpack that's it if i didn't have to do my podcast when i was on the road i would be just the one bad guy okay backpack that's the pro uh it's the pro proper cloth guarantees a perfect fit remakes are free the proper cloth team makes it super easy to stop wearing shirts that don't fit look your best go to propercloth.com slash bs enter gift code BS to save $20 on your first shirt. Again, Propercloth.com slash BS. Gift code BS. You've had the podcast even longer than I have.

10 years. I was May 2007, and I think you were even earlier than that. I was all proud. I felt like I was the first guy with the podcast. But you even beat that. I think it was May 2007. I was about to say. We were right around the same time.

I think so. Well, I just did my 10th anniversary one whenever i said that my producer knew that it was a 10-year anniversary i thought i started in july he's like no it's may check it out and he had like the first one that i did which was like literally like 20 seconds long what were you just doing like riffing no i just i didn't know what a podcast was in this uh comedian robert kelly uh lived around the corner from me in new york and he just said you should do one and i had a little flip phone and you called the you called this number and it recorded you on the phone so my original like year and a half two years was me

on the phone just walking through airports ripping on fat people yeah yeah i think i had a flip phone back then yeah i had a flip phone right up because i had a head chef man on a flip phone yeah yeah i'm not i'm not a technology guy but now you're bringing equipment on the airplane it's more than i did last week i forgot to bring mine but it's like it's literally it's like a 90 mixer yeah you know plug a mic in i don't have all that i don't have theme music like my whole i got into this business to not have a job yeah. I don't have all the, I don't have theme music. Like my whole, I got into this business to not have a job. Yeah.

And I don't want to get involved in all these greens. There's two ways to do it. You can keep it, I'm doing the independent movie version of it. And then other people do like a superhero movie version of it

where they get logos and drop cloths and studios and shit. I'm like right dead center between those two worlds. Yeah, I don't know. This is pretty swank. But this is my office. I just have two microphones in a microphone stand.

Oh, all right. I thought this was just your podcast thing. I don't know. No, it's my office. Studio lot. This is where I'm meeting. I'm kind of in the middle. I'm in Hollywood on a lot.

You've got to check in with a guard to get in and to do this podcast this is like upper class stuff all right i don't know what that larry bird thing is but i know you bought it because that is the worst larry bird what is that that doesn't even look like him a friend of mine gave it to me he has the neck of a football player yeah it's, it's a freezer activated. What does it say? Puppet? Puppet cooler. It's a puppet cooler.

It's a Larry Bird puppet cooler. That is roided up Larry Bird. Like if he played baseball in the late 90s and was chasing. I'm going to put a picture of it on Instagram so people know what you're talking about. Oh yeah, they got to see that. One of the great things about rooting for Larry bird in the 80s was he was responsible for more ugly posters and ugly paraphernalia than any athlete of all time there's like 30 like the worst t-shirts t-shirts that made his face look like a bird well back then they used to have things were like the nba like their licensing and stuff like i just remember like like stop and shop would just hand out celtics

shirts after they won and they would just say celtics nba 84 nba world champions and then it would say stop and shop their logo would be on the bottom and uh that was long before you know before femway park blot up bought up like all the all the blocks like around it and right i mean you can't even walk by the park unless you have a ticket on game day you know you all a yaki way and all those they own everything there you have to i would love i've never really read the right story to find out how they pulled that off because that was they pulled it off well how many palms were greased how what they actually paid to do it um there had to be the two holdouts that south park episode which one when they had how Magic Johnson beat HIV

and they just had a blender and he was just putting gold and cash in there and then it would come out as a drink and he would drink it there had to have been two people that were like nah I'm not selling I'm not selling no price is high enough

and at some point they just broke those people down there's this famous story it's on Highland I'm not selling no price is high enough and at some point they just broke those people down yeah there's this famous story on um it's on Highland in Hollywood basically where there's all this

construction now like this part of Hollywood is really like buildings going up left and right and these people wanted to put up this giant building

there was this hot dog burger stand that was pretty famous yeah I remember that place and the guy wouldn't sell. And they were like, here's $2 million. The guy's like, nope, $3 million, nope. But they really needed his territory because it was the last part for the building.

And then all of a sudden, the burger stand was gone. And we were always like, God, how much? He probably made like $10 million just for this burger stand. But that's basically what the Red Sox did. They just bought out all the land and probably did some strong armings places by the way the little the old school i love those stands yeah as long as there's not a line down the street you know once somebody on the food network comes by and like this is the spot you gotta go to then you can't go to it for like six years yeah and you

always can tell when they rerun the episode yeah when you show up like ah fuck they rerun the episode i gotta stay away for another six months but i yeah i mean i love those type the la truck scene's pretty big out here but now there's like apps telling you where they are there's that you can't discover anything anywhere there's there's a whole science to everything yeah and then everybody knows the burger stand that's on this corner that nobody knows about it's a big whisker yep everything's a boy band now it just blows up and then implodes within like three years. When you go back

for Red Sox games, are you just blown away by how different it is? Because I'm always amazed. I still can't get over the fact that people can sit on the monster. It's been like 12 years.

Yeah. It's like landing on... And then I was also when they put the Coke bottles up there, they took them down but when they had it up there and they started writing

all over the wall. But now when I look back to what it looked like when i was a kid it's like wow that was a real kind of plain jane looking field really was because if you look at like ebbets field and all those like the whole outfield wall was was billboards yeah so i i like i like all the stuff that they've done to it i don't like that you can't walk around the park you know all of a sudden like a public street closes before the game. That's a little military police to me. Wait, let's talk hockey because I had some bad questions I wanted to go through

with you. That was an abrupt change. You're like, I am bored with this. I'm on a schedule. I'm on a schedule. We're half an hour in. I respect your schedule. Successful people all have a schedule. They adhere to it. That felt like a compliment and an insult.

No, my wife tweeted something to me. I don't know. Send a link. I don't know how the fuck you say it. But it was just like the top 20 things that super rich people do. And the one that I related to the most is they don't take meetings unless there's an offer on the table because it's just a time sponge and I was just like,

I started to understand why they have drivers because you can just get so much done in, they're like, oh, rich people understand that there's 1,440 minutes in a day. They try to, you know, that's hilarious.

I know. It's like, do they know that? Do they break it down to that level? Like who wants to hang out with that guy? Well, anyone who's ever moved out here has this stage

when people are asking to go to lunch or meetings or hey and it takes like about nine months to realize that it's a complete waste of time

and totally stupid to do it yeah hey we'll go yeah okay great yeah let's keep talking such a big fan yeah

try the sandwich and then nothing comes of it nothing happens yeah I'll talk call you a couple of drinks. A bunch of empty calories. You're going home bloated. You just keep getting fatter, and then no one wants to book you. Hey, he's like him.

He got fat. He took too many meetings. So hockey playoffs. We had a final four of Pittsburgh, Ottawa, who has brought back the corpse of the 95 Devils and kicked it around a couple of times and just brought that whole style back. Nashville. You don't think Anderson's a big part of that? Their goaltending's been crazy.

And he's been good. And Anaheim. Are they dropping three on the blue line? I didn't notice that. I just couldn't understand why. There's a lot of clutter and clogging. And then Nashville and Anaheim, and it's like,

you can't get less star-studded than that other than Pittsburgh. The casual fans just look at that and go, eh, I'm out. They needed Edmonton. Fuck the casual fans. But does that set you up for the fuck the casual fans? Fuck the casual fans.

If you can't get into the conference finals, you're not a casual fan. You're just not a fan. And I'm so sick of people that aren't hockey fans telling them how to fix the game. Just leave it alone. Nashville is one of the great stories. Their fans are insane.

They went from not knowing shit about hockey to having some of the greatest chants. They stole a lot. You know, it's all your fault. I mean, I've seen that on college games. But like, you're sitting there listening. For half a second, it sounded like a soccer game, you know, where they're singing songs and shit.

And Section 303, they're getting all these write-ups and stuff and it's just a great environment and then i was just talking about this uh as a boston fan i love that the canadians traded pk suban for whoever the hell they got and now this guy can win a cup to me that's it's going to be the patrick waugh thing all over again we had it just be something that i can tease him about yeah because they have way more cups than we're ever going to. I mean, we need like 30 teams now. The only way to catch them is, I don't know, you'd have to play for another two centuries.

They'd have to suck for 200 years. He came on my pod in February, I think. Was it February? March. March. Sat on that couch. And at that point, they were doing fine. They weren't running away with it or anything. And we were like, so what do you think? Do you think you can win?

He was like, absolutely. But the way he said it, I was kind of like, should I put some down on this? He seemed pretty confident. Pecorino has been playing crazy. So you're more a pro-Bettman than I am. I hate the fact that they expanded to places like Phoenix and all these stupid places. But Nashville is the big success story. Yes. Well, look. Nashville is like a real market that they've created out of thin air.

Smashville is what they call it. They've got a nickname. They've got everything. It's a huge part of the city. They did a nice job with the Star Spangled Banners. They had all these different celebrities. People are wondering if they, you know, Game 3 of the Cup, what celebrity would come in. Yeah.

That's good. That's all. Kelly Clarkson. It's a bonus. Yeah, well, if the other cities wouldn't, if they embraced hockey, it's all about the environment. You go down there, it's like,

you always got to give like an expansion team a little bit of time for it to see if it gels with the city. But it was the combination of going south and then teams leaving Canada. And it was the combination of going south and then teams leaving Canada. And it was the thing that I always thought was great about hockey. I liked all the weirdness. I loved the two national anthems.

Yeah, me too. I loved three 20-minute periods. The fact that Winnipeg and Edmonton had teams was just insane. These little two tiny cities. Yeah, Calgary. And I liked... had teams yeah it was just insane these little two tiny cities calgary and i i liked uh and then all back then too all the teams were so smashed in together yeah it was like you could knock out if you wanted to you know go see all the baseball parks if you want to go to all the hockey arenas

if you just went like you could have saw quebec nordiques canadians buffalo hartford boston Appenordiques, Canadians, Buffalo, Hartford, Boston, Long Island, Rangers. I'm just going on the East Coast. Yeah. Just driving. True. The Devils, the Flyers, and the Capitals and Penguins. I mean, that's half the league was just all jammed up there in the Adams, in the Patrick's division.

And they hated each other. And you could, whatever game they had was like a three-hour, four-hour drive in your car if you wanted to. If you were that much of a lunatic. But I think now because of, that got into favor with the 24-hour sports networks. And all these behind-the-scenes things. You could really learn about these other teams. Rather than sports just being five minutes at the end of a newscast like um like one of the things that made me go to all the ballparks who's watching this week in baseball like every saturday with mel allen i would see all these ballparks and i just thought like the fountains in kansas

city were cool i like the king dome i thought astro turf was the shit you know when i was in the 70s for some reason i i didn't realize how much it was hurting the players. But once ESPN and all that came out. Simpler times. Yeah, and you just learned about all these places. I don't know what happened. Only airline travel went through the roof. Now I guess everybody does it.

But back then, of all the sports, you could go see half the league in your car. The NHL was it. I watched Bad News Bears in breaking uh with my son over the weekend which is the second one the sequel when they drive to astrodome and a stolen van yeah and uh you know some really last one was in japan right yeah we don't talk about that one it's a two movie franchise japan never happened but uh but the astrodome it's vintage astrodome and you know the bull blowing out the smoke and you know and my son was watching he's like dad this stadium so stupid and i was like this is 40 years ago this is it this is all we had this was the coolest stadium i love those those teams. You forget how many years ago that was.

Jose Cruz, J.R. Richards. Oh, yeah. Well, Bob Watson has a cameo in it. Oh, he does? He starts to let them play. He starts at the end with little tanners. I went to a game there. I went to the Astrodome.

I did, too. I've gone to a bunch that are no longer there anymore. Yeah, those old concrete domes are basically gone. Did you ever go to County Stadium? Milwaukee Brewers? I have, actually. Yeah, that was an interesting one, too. I liked that one.

I think I went in both. I went with the old one and then the new one. The old one had the guy that slid down the slide into the beer. And in the 70s, though, it was a big-boobed woman. A guy would hit a home run, and then some big-boobed woman would slide down a slide into a keg of beer. It was supposed to be a keg of beer. It was like the Ron Burgundy years in the major league baseball. That sounds like an F is for family plot.

Yeah. Well, that's been so much fun with F is for family. It's like just the people in the rise room will remember stuff like that. They didn't do that. Look it up. Look at it on YouTube. You put it on and then we'll laugh. And then it's just like, all right, we got to do something like that.

We'll just, you know, knock it up a little bit you can just mine old threes companies episodes and get 28 oh i loved larry upstairs i mean that guy was just like he's just banging every night he was like 50 just didn't care all hairy and stuff that guy was hilarious uh the hockey thing though didn't you feel like they kind of needed Edmonton in there? I mean, I know, whatever, it's conference finals. It's fun anyway. But I was enjoying the McDavid experience. Yes, but I also think no matter what happens, people are going to complain.

That somebody's not in there? In this country. Because there's too many people who don't watch it. So there's always going to be, like, the easiest thing, the thing the best thing i think for the nhl a lot of times aside from a teams that have big stars is two original six teams yeah because anybody who doesn't even know anything about hockey it's easy for them to jump on the bandwagon you know right well they last met in 1958 one of the original 68 like they'll they'll be able to talk about it. But, you know, when it's Anaheim, Nashville, and Ottawa in there, that's work. Then you have to do your job, you know?

Anaheim was not work, though, for me anyway, because I can't stand Anaheim. And they have— A lot of people don't like that. If you can't get behind hating Perry, then I don't know what to tell you. My whole thing is I could just never get past that it was Disney-owned, and they actually were called the Mighty Ducks. It's amazing. And that they now just called the Mighty Ducks. It's amazing. And that they now just go by the Ducks and they're trying to have a tougher looking uniform.

It's like, no, no, you're the Mighty Ducks. You guys are mighty. You are the Emilio Estevez. So you're in on Nashville. Whatever happens, it sounds like you're on the bandwagon. Yeah, I actually like. I agree with your Canadians logic. It would be pretty funny if that trade ended up winning nashville oh just because their ownership there is gonna

the amount of complaining that they're gonna have to listen to from their fan base if that actually happens um will be enjoyable but uh i am as much as it's surprising that nashville's made the finals uh what otto is doing is crazy i mean anderson as much as it's surprising that Nashville's made the finals, what Ottawa's doing is crazy. I mean, Anderson, as much as you're saying, I guess, they're playing like, what, a lock or a trap defense, I don't watch it at that level. But I just know Anderson, their goaltender's been playing unbelievable. And they have Dave Grohl-looking defensemen.

Every good defenseman looks like Dave Grohl in the NHL. You got your guy on the Kings. I'm so bad with names. Yeah, Downey looks, yeah. Never seen Dave Grohl in a game either, so I don't know. I think when he's not doing a Foo Fighters album. Quick break to talk about Hotel Tonight. If you're like me and you're not so great at planning ahead,

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10 seconds, just three taps and a swipe. Get in on these killer last minute deals. Download the Hotel Tonight app right now. Back to Bill Burr. Hey, Mark from Madison in Wisconsin said, I've noticed that in your podcast, you will do sponsor advertisement live reads with most of your guests. However however you'll usually do pre-recorded commercials for your more let's say distinguished guests which isn't technically true because sometimes we're on location you can't do the ads right uh would you ever like you wouldn't do certain commercials with barack obama or bill belichick staring at you my question what would be the most famous important distinguished guests you would feel comfortable doing a live read in front of?

Oh, this is what it really is. So who's the answer for you? Is there a level? No, he has a misinterpretation. I have another comic in there. Yeah. And we're doing it, then I'm just going to read them live. If I actually have somebody who's more like an actor or something like that,

I just feel like they're not going to riff along with this and it's going to bore them. I just look at it more like it's going to bore them than I'm going to sit there and, you know i i just feel like they're not going to riff along with this and it's going to bore them i just look at it more like it's going to bore them then i'm going to sit there and you know have you ever had a sponsor get mad because you made a joke i've lost a bunch of them you've jesus you've lost sponsors yeah but i never did it to make money so it's it's all free it's all silly it's it's monopoly money so the thing is i never talked to any of them either like when they want to complain it's i am never available did you not like it do you want your money back fine fine but i don't i'm not getting on the fucking phone with you this is how i'm

going to do it and if you had half a brain you'd realize that the way i read it makes people listen i just knew that show doesn't stop you keep it has to keep being entertaining so i mean i don't say that i i guess i've said that a few times that the product was stupid the most infamous one was uh nature box which i somehow with my borderline dyslexia read as nate nature's box like possessive and i was like they're going down on mother nature and i just started reading this stupid thing it's like it was just such a service you didn't need it's like you don't need these fucking guys what are you two years old just eat a banana have a salad you know what you got to do this is fucking stupid and then they got all mad thinking that we

cared like you know what we're gonna do what are you gonna do we're gonna take the advertising all right see you later but they should this is the thing about them is if is if they stayed on and they let me say every week some version of you're going down on mother nature people would love it it becomes like a hit song they want to hear it and then people are also lazy they know yeah just bring me the food i don't have time to go get bananas and they would have sold because i do that me undies thing me undies me undies no more sweaty balls and every time i do it it's it's more and more filthy and they love it and people buy the fucking underwear i did a me and his last week i was talking about how they have these certain boxers where they're just like these loose boxers and I like them

I mean they're my favorite ones and I said how they let the boys I like to let the boys roam the ranch and then Tate afterwards is like do you want to keep that I'm like yeah let's keep it that's what they want they want you to know that you're using the product so the NBA awards are coming on TNT on June 26

show will be hosted by drake and we'll get to find out the awards for mvp rookie of the year all that stuff as well as awards voted by fans for things it's going to be hosted by drake best dunk and best performance hosted by why why is it hosted by drake yeah why not like dr j or basketball they're trying to they everything's about getting all these different yeah people to watch right if Drake's hosting maybe somebody who's into Drake but doesn't watch basketball will then watch and be like oh hey

maybe I'll give basketball a chance if Drake's watching it I think Drake is cool then maybe this is cool to watch but he does have like season tickets he always goes to the Toronto games I think he's actually a legit fan. I had him

when I was doing Countdown he came on and he was able to have a basketball conversation with us. I was impressed. He does go to Toronto games. I'm extremely impressed because how busy that guy is

you wouldn't think he'd have time to keep up on stuff. True. Because they're always calling him on his cell phone. Well you used to

you used to. My wife listens all that shit. I have no idea what any of that stuff is he's upset a lot when you become that famous i think you spend more time alone than people realize because where are you gonna go you're not gonna go like to i'm gonna take a walk down on melrose like he's gonna get mobbed so he's like stuck in his hotel suite half the time so he probably just walked down the street? Oh my God, you're Drake. Be like, yeah.

Yes, I am. What are you doing? I'm going for a walk, man. You just can't do that? No, you definitely can't. Well, what do you, okay, so just put yourself in the place of the other person. What are you doing?

Like, yeah, I asked him and he confirmed it. I mean, it's the end. I think it's more like he's walking and people are like can i get a picture and then you have to stop you take an iphone picture and the next guy wants one and then he's on the corner of melrose for an hour headphones on that's lebron's move you have the headphones i think lebron just walks around with headphones 24 hours a day so the nba awards inNT. That's fucking hilarious. I've always wanted an award called the McKeskey,

which I have not done yet, for the league's best white player, named after Paul McKeskey. And I think this year the winner is Gordon Hayward. All right. I don't even know who any of those people are. Gordon Hayward. You remember Paul McKeskey on the Bucs 30 ago He had the Afro perm Big center on the Bucks

Goofy center Celtics played the Bucks That year Was the Sidney Moncrief That year Yeah yeah yeah I was always trying to remember Who

I always get them Because of the colors They always had a bunch Of white centers Jack Sikma was Seattle They had three white centers At the same time Jack Sikma

Randy Brewer And Paul McKeskey McKeskey had this like Perm And you just watched him And you went How is this guy in the league Because he's seven feet tall So I named him Paul McKeskey. McKeskey had this like perm and you just watched him and you went, how is this guy in the league? So I've named him the McKeskey. So anyway, I have Gordon Hayward as my McKeskey winner this year.

Alright, we're going to go through a couple, I'm going to throw a couple emails at you. What about like the white guy out of nowhere for one game award? That's got to be Kelly Olenek. Well, that's now the Kelly Olenek. That was like a movie. What was that Robbie Benson movie?

It was one-on-one with Robbie Benson. Yeah, all of a sudden the guy, oh, you hot dog, you can stick it up your ass with a red hot poker. Hear me? A red hot poker. And he goes up and just lights him up.

He was on fire. They were chanting his name in the garden. It was like a fucking Disney movie. I couldn't believe it. He just kept hitting him. And I was just like, I just did a 180. I was like, this guy is a fucking animal. I was off the couch.

Kelly Olenek had me off the couch after being on the wrong side of the poster. I got back on the NBA a year and a half ago and a buddy of mine, Nick Phan, came to town. And so I ordered the NBA package to be. Because I'm a good host, right? And I just started watching the Celtics. And they were fun to watch. And I was just like, who the fuck is this guy? It looks like he's in a jam band.

Like, what is going on with this guy? Is he a bass player? Just got this guy out there, like, waiting for, you know, like a joint behind his ear or something. And I just so wish the Celtics could somehow get to a game seven with the Cavaliers. Because I need to know. One more Atlantic game? I need to know if that was a fluke. No, it was a fluke.

It was 1,000% a fluke. He's got that thing where he. I have your answer already. It was a fluke. I went to that game. People leaving. It was a combination of euphoric and everybody just laughing. Yeah.

It was like, Kelly O'Lantern! Oh, my God! It was just everybody had the same reaction. They couldn't believe it. I wasn't sure if it was a little Eli Manning. Well, I feel Eli Manning is bored the first six to seven weeks of the season. Then all of a sudden they're like, hey, Eli, I don't know if you're looking at the standings, but you have to win like eight of the last nine and then he just goes oh

all right now and then he just still has that same look on his face but he just gets dialed in like he's one it's like some guys if it's if it's just a who gives a shit game that's their attitude i don't know what do i know i told you have a levar ball point Ball point of view? Because I had Mike from Boston ask, has LeVar Ball become the sports version of Donald Trump? He's the Lonzo Ball dad who keeps getting in. Oh, that guy's hilarious. See, I think he's hilarious, too. Oh, my God. He goes, I got a son.

He's good. The next guy's even better. And the third one, he goes, I make sons like the way they make cell phones. He goes, each one keeps getting better. I'm like that's like some of the greatest shit talk i've heard in a long time i love it dude and he's old enough to just be saying crazy shit and you know if people want to stick a microphone in his face i love how his kids handle it going like yeah you know dad says crazy shit right i'm just out here trying to play. And no, there's fun. Like Venus and Serena's dad's fun.

I love those dads like that. They know the game. They talk shit. I'm not positive Venus and Serena's dad. I think he was fun initially. I'm not sure it ended as fun. I think he went a little loopy. I don't know.

I don't totally remember that story. I'd have to research it. So you just threw that out there? Well, I just... I was trying to have fun here. No, I like... I like... I don't know that it did,

but I don't remember how it ended. I'm just going to say that. No, I love... I love people like that. They just remind me of comedians that don't give a shit, and when you watch them, you know that they don't care who's in the room

and they're going to say what they want to say. And to me, that's kind of what stand-up is. Go up there and say what you think is funny. Don't go up there and be like, well, I want to say this, but if I say that, I'm worried the crowd's going to think that. Then you just dropped everything down like 60%, at least for me. This is me selfishly as a comedian. It's like, I want to see you go up there and just the shit that you think by yourself,

I want to hear it. Right. It's interesting. It's interesting how people look at stuff. ESPN put him on first take with Stephen A. And it was good television and also illuminated how dumb those shows are. Because then this crazy dad comes on. He's just firing back and forth with steven a was good natured yeah but it's like yeah smith too steven a smith after the game seven when he was standing on the court you know that

look he has on his face with his eyebrows down where he's waiting to talk it always cracks me up because he looks like a little like a school kid who's had enough he's buried of sucker punch somebody and i don't know what it is about him but he was sitting there and they go they're going steven a smith there's actually a linic lit everything up there you go yeah in all of your game seven scenarios was there anything in there that said kelly olenek was gonna take this game over and they went to him he just goes nothing not a thing and he just went off on how insane it was. But he was talking about, the way he was talking about Kelly Olenek was awesome.

And like that guy, like if he didn't do what he did, he could promote wrestlers. He could just like, he is such a great like hype man. Like when he gets into something, or if it's terrible, the way he trashes them has always made me. Have you ever heard of his radio show? Well, this was absolutely disgusting.

And it just, he always makes me laugh. His radio show, which is on, you can get on Sirius out here, I think like, I don't know, like 10 o'clock range. But he's just by himself, just making himself get madder and madder about certain things. Oh, that sounds like my podcast. I want to listen. He's just screaming

he had this great one when uh i don't know if i told this story in the podcast before but it was right at when the bulls were like self-combusting right and this young guy in the bulls jerry and grant had some comment and steven a was really upset that this guy weighed in because it was between wade and butler and those guys and he's like, guess what, Jeremy Grant? Is it Jeremy or Jerry? Jerry. Jerry. Guess what, Jerry and Grant?

Nobody's talking to you. OK? We don't care what you think. OK? And just started berating him. Like he was in the room? I mean, come on. That's entertaining.

He knows what he's doing. And I think for a while, things swung against him with ESPN. And then once noise started to matter. When they fired those 100 people, people were saying, you should have made Stephen A. Smith one of them. And then he played the race card. It was hilarious. He's like, there's plenty of the loud white guys out there.

You don't go after them. I was fucking crying. It was was hilarious. He's like, there's plenty of the loud white guys out there. You don't go after them. I was fucking crying. It's fucking hilarious. That guy is fucking hilarious and always needs to be on TV. Well, I mean, he's on all the time. When people complain about him, it's like there's a reason

that they're using him all the time. They study this stuff. Yeah, he knows what he's doing. They do focus groups. But you know what? I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. I know that when I do something that the people who are into me are laughing.

And half the reason they're laughing is because they want to hear the response from the people that don't want to hear it. And it is shtick. Because I had him on my podcast when I was at Grantland. And, you know, we were in this little room. It was just me and him. And he unshticked. And it was like, oh, there's... Yeah, but you also play in the room.

But it's also like, you also have to entertain that people say like you know when you do that guy we see on stage are you like that 24 7 it's like would you want to be around that right some screaming and yelling idiot like i just just i'm doing a show i'm trying to entertain people so i i act stuff out and i do all that but then afterwards i mean i just go to a dive bar and i chill out i'm not to sit there being like, what's up with these peanuts? Yelling at people. I think people think Seinfeld is like that.

That if you run into him, he's just like, so what's the deal with socks? And just goes into that. But that's the thing. There's no way to be like that all the time. You'd lose your mind. Yeah, no, no, no. Anyone who's like the way they are on TV or in stand-up or whatever all the time yeah it's called being on off stage it would be

you'd be a maniac exhausting it's exhausting to be around no one wants to be around that that was always the problem they always said that was the problem with like chris farley and belushi and some of the guys who had ended up having drug issues with snl was when they weren't on snl they were trying to be the life of the party all the time and it's like you just can't sustain that who knows why you would do that but i think it's also like uh i think it's i think it's also like a need to be liked and want to uh not let people down so you feel like you have to do stuff like You're kind of putting other people before your own best self-interest. But there's a bunch of people from that whole era that just say Chris Farley was the funniest guy ever. I've heard Chris Rock say that, Bob Odenkirk.

Just everybody was like, that dude would hurt you. He was so funny. It seems like it would be almost unanimous. Everybody agrees on that. Yeah. Because there's different types of funny like there's the conventional yeah i know 20 years ago the guy who's like the combo of physical i can't believe he's doing that funny is usually beats all the

other funny like they would say he would like try to take a shit out the window on the 30th floor and just like fucking crazy stuff. My thing was his intensity. Yeah. And his also, his physicality, like the way the guy moved, man. He was like, he was really fast.

And like, I remember him sitting down one time doing like a talk show and he sat down, he told a joke and then he kind of, he snapped his head to the left and snapped to the right

and his hair like changed parts on top of his head the way he did it. And it was was just like even like when he would get really small like when he was doing the guy who lived down by the river the van down by the river like he would get really small and then like he knew how to he knew how to unleash it right and then put in like recoil it and pull it back but he was just so like uh so intense and seemed like a really sweet guy too like they were talking about he was maybe going to do some dramatic stuff i bet he would he would have killed that uh you never got to see kinnison did you never saw him live no

they said in person he was the force of nature aspect of it was pretty great yeah i mean i can't i can't imagine seeing that. Those were like, he died like right as I started. Yeah. I think he died in like 93 maybe. I started in 92. But he was a big one for me to watch. I remember when he was in that Young Comedian special, seeing that for the first time, and it was like a UFO had landed.

Oh, yeah. His first Letterman where Dave is going like, all right, guys, I don't know. Like, then we sort of act like somebody's dangerous. You really felt it. Like, we really don't know what the hell this guy's going to do. And he came out and he went up into the crowd. I mean, the balls that that takes. Like, what if this doesn't work?

What if I walk all the way into the crowd, this this bombs and then i have to do that long journey back out in front of the cameras i mean that would have been like legendary like bomb it but it it somehow worked what was your first late night show that you did uh i did conan o'brien conan o'brien was the first one i did was it the whole thing you had like your best four minutes or did you not even overthink it like that oh you know absolutely well the best four clean minutes that weren't gonna offend people and it would have me back and i'd get the job done um that's kind of what the first one's about it's just like i just want to get out there you know and i actually by the end i mean it took me a number of them to figure out how to do late night. Rich

Little was the guy I learned how to do it from because Dave Letterman, you know, one of his final years had these old school guys come on. Yeah. And he came out and like I used to always come out like, OK, I'm at a comedy club. I got to get these people and then, you know, you know, really give me energy and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it looks unprofessional on TV. You need to come out there like relaxed and what you really are doing is you're hosting the show it's a weird thing that's interesting yeah because i noticed when he came out he was just like you know i've been doing this for a number of years and over the years one of my favorite jokes that i ever got to tell like to me already i'd be in

panic mode like holy shit you just went like you're going on 10 seconds. It was like 12 seconds, yeah. Yeah, and they just settled in. Like, oh, tell us a story. Bam, hits him. Waits for the laughs. And then, of course, you know, with this guy. And I was just like, oh, that's what you do. So the next time I went out, I was like, all right, this is how you do it.

And I just, you know, the most energy I would do, I would just sort of lean in when I did the joke and then when I laughed I just would step back and then when I told it to set up I get to the middle I was doing this little two-step and it was just like oh my god I was exerting all of this energy and all I had to do was just sort of stand there because I noticed you can move forward and backwards but if you move side to side and the camera has to move that's it's fucking weird for whatever reason if you're watching a stand-up special that's fine but i just found on late night because nobody's done that movement yet and then also they're gonna move like that and all of a sudden you start to see that oh the band's right there there's dave's desk you want to stay like right in the alley of course i learned all of this and then i only i did it one more one more

time and then that was the end of it but uh I finally figured out how to do it well now when you do them you just you're like on the couch right yeah which is then that's its own different skill set yes and what that skill set is is here's what we're gonna talk about and then and that ends after about 30 seconds and then you just riff it on something and then the person will go back to it a little bit or or whatever so that's a uh it seems like conan's the one that you i guess you're the most comfortable with you've done that one the most times he gave me the the shot to start doing it yeah he's the reason why i can do it on the other shows but like conan's and andy are like old school where yeah if you're if you're doing

well they just let you go and they're laughing everything but if you if you start to you know stutter or whatever and falter conan will go back to the car or andy's great with andy saved me so many times on that show um because it seems like when you go on those your goal is to make conan either laugh or be uncomfortable. Like you're... No, that's neither. That's not true? I want to make the crowd laugh. I want to go out there and like...

It's more of a sound. That's interesting. It's a sound. You have in your head what killing sounds like. So I'm trying to get that sound in the room really is what it really is.

It's not like I'm not going out there like, you know, I want to make them laugh. Now I want to make them uncomfortable. And it isn't. It's just more like I'm going to talk about what I'm going to talk and I'm not going out there like, you know, I want to make them laugh. Now I want to make them uncomfortable. And it isn't. It's just more like I'm going to talk about what I'm going to talk. And I'm trying to think as little as possible so you can get into the Kelly Olenek game seven zone where no matter what you throw up, it's going to go through the hoop. So they chant your name in the end.

Yeah, that's basically it. And it's like. But there's a couple of different sounds, though, right? Like sometimes the uncomfortable sound is a good sound, too. Yeah, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. Last night I had an uncomfortable one that didn't come off the way I would have liked it to. And I seem to have survived it. You want to tell the story or not?

I'm not really. I mean, it was just one of those stupid like... Bad joke and it just died? No, those upfront things where you're going on in front of these emmy people and the subject of like trump came up and of course everybody's here's like oh my god he's like the worst thing ever you know doing that red ties are bad blue ties are good rather than seeing the common thread so i tried to see the common thread and everybody oh i guess we know who he voted for it's like no you don, you don't. No, you don't.

I didn't vote for any of them. And they all went, oh. Like, I was the one who gave it away. It's like, Hillary still won this state, you assholes. I mean, what are you talking about? And it was just one of those things where anybody wearing red is just horrific. Like, somebody on there was talking about how they were watching CNN at home, and then they watched it driving to work.

And by the time they driving to work and by the time they got to work he's like you got to turn this on but blah blah blah and i wanted to be like well maybe you should have watched the little fox news too we just sort of leveled out the lies so you wouldn't be like it's like why are you watching either one of those dude when when trump won there was there was that the woman there with the Mary Lou Retina haircut. She, like, cried. It's like that's not news. You're not supposed to cry. Like, when you watch CNN and you watch Fox, you know who they voted for.

So you're no longer, you're not watching, like, unbiased shit. I just love how they try to, they actually say that on Fox. Fair and unbiased. Like, both of those channels are two of the funniest channels. If what they were talking about wasn't actually happening, it would be like, you know, gut bustingly funny. But it's just funny to watch them act, you know, that I'm reporting

look on their face. It's like, these are op-ed pieces. It's the equivalent of like if you watch NBA League Pass and they have the home team announcers. And the home team announcers always think they're getting a job by the refs. Oh, totally. Tommy Heinsohn, the refs have never, ever been on the Celtics side

in any game that's ever happened. But then you go to San Antonio and Sean Elliott's having a stroke every time there's a call against the Spurs. I love the homers. That's the way it is. Oh, well, you know, once again. Who's the guy? Once again, another call by him.

Tommy's freaking out. I love Heinsohn. The little guy. I was freaking out saying, who's the guy? Once again, another call by him. Tommy's freaking out. I love Heinsohn. The little guy. I was freaking out saying, who's the guy who does the play-by-play with? Tommy Heinsohn? Yeah, Tommy. Mike Gorman. They've been partners for like 37 years.

When he talked about, we had some road game. We were just getting screwed on everyone. And he had a great one because Heinsohn was screaming and yelling. Mike just was sort of like low-key. He goes, this reminds me of, you know, when you'd have an away game with a rival and the referees were made up of faculty members for the other school. I just love the word faculty. I can't get their feed, though, during the playoffs. Yeah, sometimes they don't do the games.

Sometimes it's like the national game. feed though when when during the playoffs like i yeah sometimes they don't do the games sometimes it's like somebody was saying like i've shack was saying how tommy heinzen was going crazy when kelly olenek like i have to find the there's got to be audio of him somebody must have put a clip together him absolutely of heinzen reacting to kelly olenek oh my god taking over that game i mean that's like i'm telling you that's a game like i don't know i don't we were saying when we're leaving we're like somehow win the championship like that would be like that'd be the bernie carbo home run right of uh of celtics lore all of us knew it as it was happening like in the in the thing like leaving going that was the olynyc game we just saw the

olynyc game because the odds of it ever happening again. And also like. I was so happy for him. We were walking out. We were walking by all the wizards, like the owner and people like that. And they were just like shell shocked. And I was like, man, did you lose game seven? Because Kelly Olenek got hot. That's what sent you home. You're just sitting there in some, like the owner's probably like in Nantucket or somewhere in mid-July.

Like just having a margarita at five. And he just starts thinking about Kelly Olenek and gets pissed off. Yeah, that's a long, bitter offseason for those guys. But I like that team, the Wizards, man. I like them. Yeah, I think we'll be seeing them again. I think they're going to be back for seconds.

Do the Celtics have a strict no-explosive power clause with whoever they seem to draft? It's just why is everybody always jumping out of the gym over us we got it i mean obviously isaiah thomas is lightning quick but we always just seemed we either have like brute force or just like kelly olynyx i don't understand what do we have against somebody we got green though green can get up right there's some of the young kids like uh um If they trade back in the draft, there's this kid, Jonathan Isaac, who's like this 6'11 jumper, over-the-rim guy. The kind of guy the Celtics never have.

Ever. And it would be fun to just watch that guy in the Celtics once. Jalen Brown might be a little bit like that, but he's only 6'8". Yeah, you're right. It's always like – even during the KG era, there was never that – the guys off the bench was like, big baby. He's 6'8". Yeah, you're right. It's always like, even during the KG era, there was never that, you know, the guys off the bench was like, big baby. He's 6'5". We always had that, we're never going to quit.

You can't wear us down. We're just going to keep coming. We're like Jason on Friday the 13th. No matter how fast you run, we're just walking through the woods. You're going to trip over a branch and we're going to go on a run. But we've just never been like

when I was watching the Wizards I was just like all of these guys they got that quick first step explosive thing and I don't know we never talked about the Pats winning the Super Bowl and coming back from 28-3 oh yeah how nuts was that yeah 28-3

it was 28-3 there wasn't a lot of time left either that was the weirdest Super Bowl as far as like when it started, I was nervous and they were so kicking our ass. It was just over. And so I was just sitting there waiting for the inevitable. And as we started to come back, you know, 28-10, I'm like, ah, maybe they'll make it respectable.

Even when they got the first two-point conversion, I was like, all right, that's cool. There's no way you're going to get two two-point conversions in one NFL game, forget about in a Super Bowl, and I didn't get nervous until overtime. I was like, oh my, we could like win this, and then they got the ball, and then I was standing up the entire time, you know, and my, this was so funny, my daughter was like, I think think 12 days and that's what I was joking about on my podcast that I was so happy the Patriots broke the 12 day drought in my daughter's life of

them finally winning a Super Bowl she can now she can finally move on to the next chapter as a sports fandom but yeah that was I did the craziest quietest celebration dance

when they scored the touchdown to win it. And I was still going, like, are they going to call it back? You know, how many times do people run out on the field and they're like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. So I waited until the confetti came down. Everybody left. The coaches were shaking hands. I had to see a ref on TV, like, or just maybe not see a ref.

It took me a minute. And I was like, all right, they're not calling it back then. That was it. In my socks, almost broke my neck. Did you watch,

did you see any, like, the sounds of the game stuff or anything, like the week later? I saw that great clip of, what's it, second of the season's,

oh, I forget everybody's name, the unbelievable catch by, Edelman, Edelman, where he's just like, he just literally goes like, I got it. I caught that.

Yeah, I got that one. And then the other guy's like, no, you didn't. He goes, yeah, I did. Check out the screen. It just sounded like they were like his house. Oh, yeah, I got a lazy boy. No, you don't. Yeah, I do.

It's right over there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you did. Like, you wouldn't know that what was happening was happening, that this one team was choking, the other one was coming back, and then a championship was on the line. And so much of the sports world was watching. Just the way they said it. I was blown away by how casual that conversation was.

There's nothing better than Mike when the players are right. At the end of the game, after Blunt was celebrating with Brady, and then Belichick came over, and Belichick and Brady had this big hug, and Blunt's kind of in there, and then they have this three-man hug. And Blunt steps away and goes to Belichick and Brady this big hug and Blunt's kind of in there and then they have this three-man hug and Blunt steps away and goes he's like goes to Belichick he's like you're the greatest ever and he goes to Brayley and you you're the fucking greatest ever and then they all have this three man hug again I'm like we gotta sign him for seven more years this guy just captured the moment now he's on the Eagles I don't know if I ever, but I had an idea for a new sports package,

which was like an adult rated R football or whatever. All the players are mic'd up. You make a concession that nobody can get fined for whatever they say. It's just a free-for-all, yeah. Yeah, and you get to listen to them saying all this shit that you know that they're saying like i would love in as long but the thing that would kill that

is then everyone would gossip about it yeah and uh you know there's a couple guys that you're mad you just you say crazy that you can call somebody a motherfucker that's fine because everybody in all races has mothers, I think. You're trying. He's trying. Yeah. I think that's not like it's got to be specific. You're trying to really hurt somebody's feelings with language. Yeah. On a sports field.

Yeah. I mean, who knows? I mean, those people might have meant that thing, but I mean, that's a hell of a level that we're getting to that you're reading lips now have you seen have you seen Area 21 with KG because he had this

like Celtics reunion with Rondo and Big Baby and Pierce and it was kind of a little bit like where you talked about

they did not invite Ray Allen are they they're still upset about that I think it goes deeper than just him going to Miami I would think so because I never I wasn't upset just him going to Miami. I would think so. Because I wasn't upset when he went to Miami. I was like, he wasn't ours.

He was a Sonic. This is how we got him. Anytime there's bad blood like this with NBA players, I always assume it's a woman or cards. I remember that from your book. Yeah, but it's just, and I think this Rondo-Ray Allen thing was probably one of the two, would be my guess. But these guys were so

canon together you would like the andy cohen of nba now rondo when ray allen said this about your girlfriend yeah was this about cards or was this about i feel like if they were together i could get them to tell them what it was about. Yeah, you know what? It wasn't just Miami. These guys change teams too much. You can't just be like, ah, you went to Miami, you're out.

We're never talking to you again. And then they brought up, so they had all these guys on, and he came up, and Rondo wouldn't even acknowledge. They wouldn't even talk about it. Okay, yeah. I'm going to go with your instincts. Felt deeper.

But this thing you would have loved because it was very loose, guys busting each other's balls, super candid. It was kind of the future of a studio show. There were no media people on there. It was just the guys. Somebody brought a wheelchair out for Pierce.

They're making fun of him in the wheelchair. He's still playing? Did he finally retire? He finally retired. He's going to be on ABC. That was retired he's gonna be on abc that last that was unbelievable perfect he'll be a really good tv guy because uh the people who are good on tv don't give a shit you know he'll be on like paul george choked he did tear you know but he can say that because he won a finals mvp and those are the ones like barkley's good because he didn't

give a shit he'll just say whatever sketchers Skechers, those Skechers they wear, are those like the new, like, remember they said the Steve Jobs New Balance was like the old guy sneaker? Like those Skechers. Who's wearing Skechers? Whatever those things, those all black with the white soles. They're not wearing Skechers. They're probably wearing Jordans, but they look like Skechers to me. I just noticed like Joe Montana, all these guys, whatever those sneakers are. What are they, Tommy?

For old feet. Tommy's disgusted. He's like any non-cool sneakers he's out on completely you haven't noticed that like there's all oh my god he's just so comfortable they're like the ugliest sneakers ever um i really didn't think i was gonna be out on a limb on that one oh yeah yeah we know exactly what you're talking about this has been killing killing me. Who is, is that Kansas? Who is that band right there? That's the band from Almost Famous. You ever see that movie? Oh my God.

That's Stillwater. That's right, because that's the guy from My Name is Earl right there. Yeah. It's the Echo Sneakers. Echo Sneakers. Oh, is it Echo? Here, we have an answer for you. The White Souls.

Oh, okay. I think it's sponsored the show. So we have a... All right, my souls I think it's sponsored the show so we have alright my fault I thought those were like I thought all their feet hurt all their feet hurt cause to me wearing a suit

with the sneakers is like that shit from the 70s when women started wearing their power suits and they'd have their sneakers on that was like

in the early 80s oh yeah that was in the early 80s that was like the look for a second they would then they'd put their stilettos on at the office. I'm going to fucking stick this through your chest

if you don't sign this deal. And then they put on their cute little Chrissy Everett sneakers and walk out of the building. You guys don't remember that? It was right after Urban Cowboy and right before breakdancing became mainstream. It was this time. This is tight window.

If Hillary Clinton rocked the fucking sneakers with her pantsuit, I'm telling you, that might have turned it around. Efforts for Family? What day is it coming out? It comes out May 30th,

and for those of you who haven't watched, we already have a first season of six episodes with the talents of people like Laura Dern, Justin Long,

Sam Rockwell, David Koechner, Haley Reinhart, Mo Collins, a zillion people. TJ Miller. We got a bunch of people. A bunch of people on propping me up. And if you search for Bill Burr on Netflix, like, what, seven things, eight things comes up at this point? How many specials have you done for them?

At least four. You just had one a couple weeks ago. Five. Five, yep. You're one of the first ones. I think everybody's had one a couple weeks ago at this point. That's true. I mean, they basically bought that corner.

Every week they have a new one. They're putting out one a week. Really, really good comedy. 52 hours of stand-up comedy. Are you ready? Let's buckle up. It's better than 15 years ago. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah? Yes, it is. Now you get to go to Saskatchewan. People have Netflix there. You know, that is true. They have Netflix in Ottawa. They have Netflix everywhere. They have Netflix in Regina.

Everywhere except North Korea, Syria, and one other place. Is that true? Yeah. They're in every country except for those, like, there's like. North Korea, Syria, and one other place. Is that true? Yeah. They're in every country except for those like... There's like... North Korea. Yeah. Well, don't...

You're probably not playing in North Korea anytime soon anyway. I would guess. There's no way I would go. Yeah, that's not a good thing. You've got a guy who's out of his mind. Not a great place for you. All right.

I still maintain that he should be allowed to shoot off his fireworks in his own backyard. I mean, that is his country. he ought to be able to do that fireworks you mean like i mean we do it the fuck we're flowing we're at that weird place in vegas we used to test them in the ocean how many fish do we just randomly kill people need to eat those fucking things only we can do it we're saying you're out of your mind but that guy is out of his mind i already i mean i don't just propaganda already fed his uncle like naked to dogs you know what it is he's going through his michael corleone years you know where like mo green and all those guys were coming at

him so he had to feed a few naked people to dogs just to be like, hey, I may be a fat, hairless son of a bitch, but I may look like I'm 15 and ate donuts. But I'm going to tell you something. You fuck with me. I'm throwing you to the dogs. You have to do that as a dictator. And if you're going to be the only fat guy in your country, you've got to be throwing down. Everybody else is starving to death. You need fear.

So technically, he's doing, you know, if you look at, you know, read The Art of War and all of that shit, he's doing everything that if you look at you know read the art of war and all of that shit he's doing everything that he's supposed to be doing all right he probably missed a few chapters you know what'd be great i knew we're gonna trump versus what is his name what kim jong-il kim jong-il great name east West. Bare knuckle grappling. It's all fucking, they go in there with like the sumo wrestler diaper on. Well, Trump's secretly big. He's like 6'4". I think he's a heavy favorite.

Yeah, he's like 6'3 or 6'4". How long is that tie? It still hangs down below his balls. Is that the Andre the Giant collection? So they should have those two. Like, war shouldn't be legal anymore. It's just enough already.

Let's just grow up. Let's just get it. You know, you get Dana White to put together, like, a world leader, like UFC. Okay? And then you really will see ageism will get in there because, you know, Trump's an old guy going up against him. That would be great. I don't think that— Old guy's with size, though.

Once he gets you on the ground or, yeah, he's going to— Finally get to see if that hair's real or not when he gets him in a headlock. Yeah, it's probably not. Jimmy Fallon taught us, I thought. He taught us that it might be real. He mustered up. I think what was happening was he he was losing it and he was growing it out

and he was wrapping it around but then since then like a spaghetti bowl yeah like the Italians where they spin it around on the spoon he was doing that

on top of his head and then I think the Bosley system came in so he was able to to then fill it in but he was smart enough so under the spaghetti he was getting like

plugs and stuff but he was smart enough to wait because when he first started swirling around like angel hair pasta, that was one of the times where they were putting like the insect legs, the doll hair. Like I saw a guy the other day on the plane and like whenever I see it, my eyes water. Like that looks like it was like a hair nail gun.

Yeah. And you're just like, ah, let's go. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. And you're just like, ah! It's going, gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha! So I think he has, I think he's got a, I think he was losing it in the back and he was swirling it around. If I had to guess. Having gone down that road.

Spaghetti followed by the hair plugs followed by not as much spaghetti. He brought in reinforcement. He brought in reinforcement. I think that's a good call. But I also think he also knows his brand, and he knows his brand is the extra long red tie, and he knows that he has to coif it up. So even if it is all real, he might have some extensions up there. He might have gone a little Beyonce.

I mean, you never know. There's a lot going on up there. There's more secrets on the top of his head than in the Pentagon. It'd be interesting if... It'd be interesting if he His wife's the only one who has the codes to the top of his head. Oh, did you see those pictures today? Yeah, it's crazy.

She slapped his hand away when he went to hold hands with her. They're traveling all these different countries, and I don't think it's going well. The internets are having fun with it. Oh, come on. The internets are having fun analyzing the pictures. You're not married until your wife slaps your hand away i was gonna say and the couple you're hanging out with sees it it's like just great you give them something to talk about on the way home what do you think they were fighting about now she no she really slapped

his hand away that wasn't playful i'm sorry that was not playful it was one of the few times i identified with trump was like ah tough to travel with the wife for that long. You didn't know what happened. He was probably looking at some beautiful chick. Oh, the stewardess. Yeah. He's probably checking out the stewardess. Oh, he probably was.

Probably over there fucking, you know, he said hello. Now I'm the leader of the free world. I'm not going to do the tacky pussy grabbing joke. Hey, thank you for having me. Oh, wait, hold on. Thanks to Hotel Tonight. The weather changes, your mood changes. Why lock yourself into plans that might change?

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propercloth.com slash BS. Gift code BS. Don't forget to check out theringer.com. Don't forget about our new podcast, Larry Wilmer, Black on the Air, Against All Odds with Cousin Sal. Bill Burr, thank you. All right. Thank you so much for having me. We'll see you. I don't want to see them when we're so dead or unsealed.

I don't have A few years with him On the wayside Never once said I don't have