The Bill Simmons Podcast - Cleveland's Bandwagon Crash, Pats Conspiracies, Pittsburgh's Pain, Lamar's Breakout and Guess The Lines With Cousin Sal | The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the Antonio Brown signing, and the Patriots steamrolling the Steelers without him; A tough-fought battle between the Colts and the Chargers, Lamar Jackson's electric performance, Kyler Murray's NFL debut, Chiefs-Jaguars, and more, before guessing the NFL lines for Week 2. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And the cuz is coming on. We're going to play Guest Alliance for week two and talk about week one as well. First, our friends from Pearl Jam. All right, the Cuzz is on the line. We are taping this almost midnight ET, 849 Pacific time. And I'm riding a high south. Patriots look great. I won in fantasy.

I had the highest score in our league. I won some bets this is great i just wish i could bottle this feeling and carry it for the next four months but i know i can't yeah i know i know earlier i said i was glad the giants didn't play the cowboys sunday night but now now i kind of going back on that because we thrashed them so much and then the high let down and then the reality set in that the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl again. It's like, oh, we really learned nothing after one night. Very sad. Kyle and I were in the office yesterday, Saturday, because I was taping a podcast with Sean Penn that we're going to run at some point, I think this week. But

as that was happening, all of a sudden the Patriots had traded for Antonio Brown. So we put up a little mini emergency podcast for like 20 minutes as, you know, at nine o'clock in the morning on Saturday, I thought the guy was a lunatic. And by four o'clock, Kyle and I were high-fiving and trying to figure out where he fit in our offense. Why is that?

Why? Because everything the Patriots ever do has to be good and adorable and great or is that? Why? Because everything the Patriots ever do has to be good and adorable and great or is just blind allegiance? Is it at all good for the league that he's on the Patriots? Oh! Oh! I'm ready.

I'm ready for it. Let's go! This is terrible. This is terrible. Let's hear it. Go ahead. Unleash. You finish your thoughts. You guys high five, then what happened? You took a bath? That's it. I did a podcast.

I gave my thoughts. You give us your thoughts. Well, here's my thoughts. They're the Super Bowl champs. They're expected to win between 11 and 12 games. They're, once again, in the weakest division in maybe all sports. Forget about just the NFL. And, you know, I know you don't like goodell and i i

think he makes some questionable moves and needs to be called out on stuff but if ever someone needed to step in and say oh this doesn't look right that um i don't even think can he do a contract in like three minutes a 15 million dollar when you sign kyle who's related to you did you talk to him about it for more than three minutes? I think you probably did before you agreed to his employment at the ringer. I'm not saying he was in on this and the Patriots were in on this for the last three months or starting from the hot air balloon or whatever. But the last four days, they definitely had this in writing somewhere. And if someone at the top at the NFL wants to cause trouble for the Patriots, then they probably could. And it's for nothing either because they're going to win the Super Bowl, as you saw tonight.

So I don't know what's cool about this. You're saying that a league that four years ago went out of its way to try to railroads the best quarterback who's ever played in the league and actually suspended him for four games is now looking the other way with the Patriots. Yeah. What are you saying? Are you saying this is all on the up and up and the team that tried to trade for him in March and didn't then step aside, didn't have any interest in him at all until he left the team and did these bizarre things. And all of a sudden, all these internet things are going to stop all the Instagram posts and everything. Is that what you're saying? It seems like there was a healthy market for him. I think a lot of people were pinging Drew Rosenhaus, probably realizing at some point late Friday or early Saturday

that this was going in the wrong direction and that he was going to become available. I would love to know what the complete list was. I'm sure your team pinged him. I think the bigger the list, the better my point here. So he had to sift through 10 offers in 40 minutes and still came to terms with the Patriots that fast?

I don't know. It's just not kosher to me. I go back to what he said when he came to visit us at the Ringer in February when we asked him, what's the single best offense you could be in? And he said, Pats or Chiefs. So I thought it was going to be, I actually thought it was going to be the Chiefs.

I didn't think, the Pats were deep enough at receiver and looking healthy enough as a Super Bowl contender. I didn't think they would want to risk it. But they obviously, Belichick and Brady seem to really admire the guy. And they do have a good relationship with his agent. My dad was big on that one. They've had a lot of good experiences with Rosenhouse for some reason. I think there is a minority.

It doesn't feel fair. I don't know how to say it other than put yourself in another team shoes. I definitely feel bad for the Raiders who 14 months ago had either Khalil Mack or Mari Cooper or Antonio Brown on their roster. And now they don't have any of those guys and they're done. And it's all because they asked the guy to wear a helmet in practice. You know, like, I don't know. What did anyone do wrong?

Well, I think the Raiders problem was giving all that money to John Gruden, who clearly doesn't really have an idea what he's doing. I mean, the Brown thing was high risk. And they're putting him in a situation where he's with an average quarterback at best on a team that wasn't a playoff contender with really a rebuilding project. For lack of a better word, all those rookies. It wasn't like that team was going to contend in any way. And they were expecting Brown to behave his best. Seems a little dubious.

I think that's far from his best. But I think this is a Charlie Sheen-esque meltdown, and I would hope there's something weird going on. Not that I hope there's something weird going on mentally, but that would explain things better than the Patriots just swooped in and got him when the league was most vulnerable. You don't think it's as simple as he becomes available

and Belichick's like, hey, what kind of numbers is Antonio thinking? And Rosenau says, well, if it's like 15 million and the signing bonus is 10, he's coming to you. And Belichick's like, well, what about nine? Rosenau's text back, done. And that's it. Like when we make a fantasy trade, it might've been that simple. It might've been a minute. It might have been like a minute. It seems like it was like a minute. I'm saying it's more likely that it was a few days. I think like

I don't know. When did it turn in Antonio Brown's head that he fully did not want to be a Raider? Alright, so let me ask you this. Because it does seem like Brady likes him. And Brady even, Al Michaels reported tonight that Kraft told Al Michaels that Brady told Antonio Brown, you can live with me while you're trying to find a place. So he obviously likes him.

It's all terrible. So Brady and Antonio Brown are texting back and forth. And he's like, hey, man, you should come here. And AB's like, I want to. And then Brady puts that word to the Patriots. How is that different than every single situation that's happened in the NBA that both of us hate? Oh, the NBA is bad too. The NBA does this all the time.

And it's awful. Well, people have been asking me. What are you talking about? It's bad. People have been asking me, don't you feel a little hypocritical that you hate all the player movement and you hate this sneaking back alley dealing

and guys stabbing their teams in the back to go to the teams they want, which I have been in the past hated. And my answer is I hate it unless my team is involved. If my team's involved, I like it. I don't like it when it's the other teams is where I stand. I know Yankee fans who when they got big time free agents, they were a little bummed out.

Like, I don't know. I feel like, whatever. If you're just not built that way, that's fine. If everything's okay all the time, it's good. Here's the thing. After thing after deflacate i'm just in fu mode for the rest of my life with brady belichick so whatever it takes to win more superbowls i'm in and it was great tonight and the steelers who now kyle can you research this can you can you google did the steelers have a training camp just google that see i felt like their locker room was more distracted by the Antonio Brown News than the Raiders or the Patriots or anybody. I don't know what happened.

They realized that game was being televised? Oh, man. That was an abomination. What were they doing? I knew they were in trouble when the third and ones where it's fourth and inches and they're punting. Granted, they're in their own territory, but you have to have a certain mentality when you play the Patriots you know that's why the Eagles beat them in the Super Bowl and any team that's done well against them has had that attitude of we're not afraid of coming at you not like the not like the Steelers are going to come back but you know as soon as the team gets a field goal on fourth and three inside the 15 or fourth and three was fourth and one poor punts from the 45 or something.

You know, that's when Belichick just sticks out as cheating foot and puts it on your rubs it into your throat. It's 20. It's 20 to nothing. Our guys have been open all game. Brady's Brady wasn't fantastic today, but they,

the offense was moving the whole time. Yeah. And they're basically like, well, if we cut it to 17, we might have a chance here. They're in the one yard line. Even if they don it to 17, we might have a chance here. They're in the one-yard line.

Even if they don't get it, we're stuck on the one-yard line. It wasn't like we were running the ball that well, but I thought the Steelers, an atrocious game. It seemed like they were completely unprepared for how good the secondary was, which I was telling you a couple weeks ago. I think this is the best secondary the Patriots have had. It's a top-five secondary.ots have had. It's a top five secondary. It definitely is. It's just deep.

With Gilmore and McCourty and Jackson, it's really not a hole back there. Two McCourty's. Wouldn't you like to win it that way? Wouldn't that be nice? Hey, for once our defense can win us the Super Bowl. We don't have to be saddled with this lunatic. From what I saw tonight, I don't know if Antonio Brown can beat

out Philip Dorsett. I don't know. He might be his backup. Is he better than Josh Gordon and Dorsett? I don't know. From what I saw tonight, maybe not. Do you think this will work out? How's this going to work? Is Antonio Brown going to shut down the social media, which does seem

to be like crack to him? Is he going to shut it down altogether to Belichick's liking, or is Belichick going to bend a little and say hey this guy could do good things for us i'll let it go uh i'm definitely not going to let him tape our conversations but i'm gonna let something go throw one or two things in a week so all right so this could go one of two ways brown might he might be a lunatic it's possible it can't be ruled. He might just have gone off the deep end and there's no coming back. Or this is the situation he wanted all along. He got it.

He is somebody who A, wants a Super Bowl ring and knows what that means for him and his legacy. I really do think he cares about his legacy. And I do think there's a world in which he's just done his best behavior this year. He understands that if he catches 90 to 105 balls, 12 TDs, he's huge in the playoffs. Brady loves him. He gets his just due. This is somebody, if we're making a list of the best receivers of all time,

he's in the top five statistically, but he doesn't have the playoff resume yet. So if he has like that kind of career season, like what Moss had in 07, on top of all the other stuff he's already done, now he's in that conversation. I think that's what's driving him personally. I guess.

You talk about legacy. There's got to be different ways to go about it. I don't know how we're going to remember him in 10 years, but I feel like a lot of this stuff is going to, I don't know, maybe there'll be 20 players between now and then who go about their business the same way. But I feel like this is the shit we're going to remember. The hot air balloon, which nobody – not wearing the helmet, the crazy posts, the crying at a press conference flanked by team captains, taping his coach.

I don't know. Boy, you're really agitated by this. I don't know. I like this. I was so happy with the Cowboys win. Then I'm like, why are we even watching this season? My answer to that is I don't think people will care in like a month. It goes in one ear and out the other with bad behavior with athletes.

Like the whole Jimmy Butler thing, what he did in Minnesota was reprehensible. He went to Philly and everybody was like, cool, he's playing with Joe Embiid and Ben Simmons. Nobody cared. Nobody's going to care about this. I was using that because all week I'm screaming about, oh, the Patriots, this is why the Patriots are winners. Their culture, their locker room culture is different. They would never allow this. They're winners. Raiders are losers. Oh, it sounds good on paper, right? Then the Patriots sign him. I'm thinking like Malcolm Butler didn't play the Super Bowl, a gigantic game, and we still don't really know why. And so they're able to keep things secret. This goes so counter to how the Patriots do their business. It is going to be interesting to see.

Maybe it won't matter. Maybe it won't put up with it at all. And you're right. Maybe it won't make the team. Well, I know the prevailing theory out there is the rich get richer, all that stuff. Just going to remind you, my buddy Hench pointed this out. I don't know if you've ever met him, Kevin Hench. Yeah. You've ever met that guy? Uh-huh. He wants to point out that over the offseason, we lost our Hall of Fame tight end.

We lost our leading passing rusher. We lost our center. We lost our left tackle.her. We lost our center. We lost our left tackle. We have a new punter. We have our first round pick who's on the injured list. Those are a lot of obstacles. I'm really proud of this team for fighting through it and being able to stay together with those massive amount of losses. Good job. Now go beat up on the sophomore team that you have to play every other week. But this schedule, I mean, we knew both of us thought the Steelers were going to be better,

and maybe they will. Again, once they have a couple practices and get back in the swing of playing football again, which obviously their first time they put the pads on all year was tonight. But once they get back in the swing, I still think they'd be pretty good. But this Patriots schedule coming up, they play all three AFC East teams. And I don't know if you noticed today, it was a little under the radar, but the AFC East might not be good other than the Patriots. I don't know if you saw that. They play the Washington Redskins and they play the New York football Giants.

And that's the first six weeks of the season. Well, we always said the Patriots have eight games. The first eight games are against non-playoff teams, non-2018 playoff teams teams and i said it tongue-in-cheek because i'm like oh the steelers are good uh you know i could i could keep saying that but the steelers are good i don't know if the steelers are good anymore i will say this we we typically cross teams off yeah um from the playoffs i don't think we could do that just yet yeah we can yeah we can oh you think we can yeah it was i can we save that? Because I had that coming up later.

Okay. All right. I was going to make it like, there's only one division that's definitely going to be winning. That's the one, and that's the Patriots. And then I was going to say there are a few teams that were definitely going to come in fourth place. But we'll save it. We'll save it your way. We'll do it your way.

Well, after what, from what I saw today, and I didn't like the Saints this year, and I was grasping for straws trying to come up with another team. I picked Tampa Bay. That was a bad choice. As I've learned over the years, we've talked about in the podcast, you try to approach week one

thinking certain things will happen. Yeah. And then once you realize it's not going to happen, audible quickly, just have no memory, move on. Right. The NFC South is really set up for the Saints, it looks like,

because I was not impressed with the Panthers today. The Falcons were awful. And Winston is going to be in the XFL next year, unfortunately for him and for the XFL. So the Saints really just have to go 10 and 6, and they're going to win that division having not played a game they pretty much clinched it

let's give Carolina a shot I think that Rams defense is good I don't think Cam looks particularly great but you got a guy who could get 200 all purpose yards a game offensively did Cam look did he look smaller to you? smaller? I mean he wasn't wearing the hat offensively. Did Cam look, did he look smaller to you? Smaller?

I mean, he wasn't wearing the hat. Both Kyle and I thought he looked leaner. Interesting. I don't know if he took Tate Frazier's ringer departure to like really hard and just stopped eating. But yeah, he looked, I don't know. He just did not look like Cam. He didn't look like the supernatural athletic force today at all.

Now, the Rams are really good. And we've learned over the years not to overreact with week one. But for that third best spot in the AFC, which I think we both thought the Steelers had it, I was really impressed by the Chargers-Colts game today. I want to talk about that in one second. Let's take a quick break. Hey, let's talk about Square. They make that little white square reader that helps businesses around your neighborhood take payments. Like Alexis, who cuts my hair. Yeah, she just takes

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from Square One to whatever's next at square.com slash go slash BS. There's a lot to cover in week one. Chargers Colts was the best game today, and it felt like a playoff game. The Colts blew it 19 different ways. Vinatieri, we've always joked about like, oh, that guy's my age. He actually is our age. I think he's 48. Is he 48? Is he 47? And he just murdered them. He murdered them. Eric Ebron dropped a touchdown in the end zone

that would have cut it to two about midway through the fourth quarter. Then the charges went all the way down. They're about to put the game away and a safety on the Colts makes an Odell catch, one-hander, saves the game. Colts come back down they score get the two point send it in a toe t they don't win the coin toss chargers come down and win it yeah it was gassed on defense i think yeah yeah and it was hot here today in first game of the year all that stuff but i was really impressed

by uh by both teams actually because the chargers were missing a couple guys, too. And the Colts, the luck thing is not a problem for them. It really isn't. The Colts are good. The luck thing, we've been talking about Ewing Theory, all that stuff. I've been all in on the Colts. They were one of my million-dollar picks. But I think that team's legit good. And I think one of those two teams will be the third best. I think they could be. Well, you're not counting Baltimore. I mean, what more, I know they played a bad team, but what more do you have to see out of them? I'd like to see them play a professional football game. Can we see that? I know. All right. But no, you're right. This was a good game, but Bursette was fine. And you're right. It does seem though, we were talking about this,

your buddy Henshaw, everything that seems to have gone wrong for the chargers in the past like they would have lost that game four different times right but now they have a kicker badgley's out they have the backup the punter uh as kicker he nails a field goal um so now they have two good kickers and the teams are playing are missing field goals like it was very weird it was very uncharger-esque and they came in and win and and the Colts, yeah, I don't think Brissette's going to be asked to do a lot in some of these games. What did Mack have, 174 yards rushing? Yeah, he was terrific.

And I thought Brissette was good in that game. I thought he managed it really well, and especially that last drive in regulation. They really took their time. Kyle and I were actually going nuts because we wanted them to score, and we didn't understand why they were going so slow, but they managed it really well. And then on the Chargers side, anybody who watched them last year or grabbed Eckler or Justin Jackson on Fantasy or something like, those guys are good and they didn't really

miss Gordon. And I thought that might be the case, but I thought unequivocally they didn't miss Gordon. And today was great for Dakac prescott and his agent it was kind of the opposite for melvin gordon i felt like oh yeah because coming out of that game if i'm the chargers i'm like look dude you just we're not paying you sorry you can either come back or right you know whatever derwin james is a big miss there i mean that guy was around made every tackle every play play. He was missed in their secondary, especially late when the team's trying to come back. Melvin Gordon, these running backs have to be careful. Just because it worked for Zeke and he had the old man over a barrel,

it's not going to work for everybody. I think Melvin Gordon's going to fall into that category. Yeah, Zeke's a little different because when he was out there today, and granted you're playing the Giants, but we knew within a quarter that that game was over. And Gallup's emergence, which we've heard about the whole offseason,

he definitely had the raw skills last year, but, you know, it was the classic like super talented, physically gifted receiver who didn't know what he was doing. Prescott would overthrow him three times a game, yeah. So you get him going, and then now Zeke's out there. Dak's looking good.

That was everything you wanted to see, I thought, in that game. For sure, yeah. And their defense looked good too. But the Giants' defense, more than anything, we couldn't laugh about Eli and Daniel Jones, and everyone was very excited. Daniel's just, this has got to be, I i was like he's coming in mop up duty he's playing second stringers again on defense don't get excited about him but uh yeah it's it's the giants defense that's trouble

they really they just look slower than everybody they had like nine guys who didn't start last year they're they're gonna be a mess they're at the basement for sure i don't remember coming out week one and having like five teams already that I've just completely written off. Really? See, I only have the one. I only have the Giants. Oh, the Dolphins have to be the write-off team.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. I thought the Lions and the Cardinals, in my opinion, are both write-off teams. Those teams stink. And that game was terrible.

And it wouldn't end. Kyle and I were getting mad because the Pats were going to start. And we wanted to see the banner unveiling all that stuff. Meanwhile, they're playing this overtime tie. And the cards are just basically hoping for the tie, which is pathetic. Should they have poured not a whole Gatorade bucket on Cliff Kingsbury, but like just one of those little bottles? Just like an airplane bottle.

Yeah. And his lower body just like splashes grain with it or something. Yeah. I don't, Patricia blew it. I mean, I know we say that all the time, but this is one of those games where you just let Stafford throw, right? Yeah. You know, he's, there's two cornerbacks out for Arizona.

He didn't have any picks going in the whole game just let him toss it why hand it off to carry on johnson overtime on second day you know like you're playing for the tie there um yeah it's kind of kind of embarrassing for the lions kyler murray was as advertised he looked completely overwhelmed he was running for his life at times and then all of a sudden when he got it going, it was kind of magical. It was really like the fourth quarter was really fun watching him. And he's terrifying. I had no money in the game. I didn't care who won, but if I was betting against him, I would have been completely petrified at the end of the game. It didn't seem like he figured out football halfway through. I think there was a stat where all through college,

he only had three balls deflected or tipped or he had five, uh, in that lions game. And it's like, well, yeah, NFL players are taller. I mean, I've always said that they just, they just are. But, um, yeah, he, he had some kind of like zest in the third and fourth quarter that if they have one more quarter, they probably would have won. Well, he had fits on, I mean, he hit Fitz a few times down the stretch, but he hit him on one that was like a 45-yard rope in stride. And Fitz had to be thinking like, wow, I haven't had that in 12 years. Was that the sideline one?

Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. He must have just been so delighted. Think of all the shitty quarterbacks that have been thrown in passes. Let's talk about a couple other week one storylines. Lamar Jackson is our new fantasy god. He supplanted Pat Mahomes. I think seven, eight touchdowns was in play if they had just kept running it up.

But this is what Mallory was on my podcast on Thursday, talking about how she, I believe that too, because he's on both my fantasy teams, how they spent this whole off season building a team specifically for him. Last year, he's playing on Joe Flacco's offense this year. It's a whole team built for him. And it really felt that way. And he was really good. And their young receivers were super duper exciting. Hard to take too much away from how bad that Miami thing was, but at least the offense felt like it belonged to him, and I was impressed.

Are you jealous? You want to trade for him? Well, no. I mean, you have four. What do you have, like five quarterbacks in fantasy? Well, I have a... I'll be able to have my pick of the litter. I have the reeling Baker Mayfield,

and I have Ben Roethlisberger. Not jealous of that pick. Yeah. So, yeah, I went one for three, but that's why you draft multiple quarterbacks. Should we talk about that game? Lamar Jackson's fantastic. And we should probably look at the AFC North odds tomorrow morning or Monday morning. But I can't believe.

Can you believe now that after seeing that one game? And obviously, there are favorable matchups for the Ravens and maybe not the Browns, but the Browns were favored to win that AFC North. Incredible. We were more than dubious. We discussed this when we did both of the preseason podcasts we did. It had all the makings. My theory was that they were going to be good this week and then the wheels were going to come off and as it turns out the wheels just immediately came off and there was a specific point in this game when it happened when

even though they were having a lot of penalties and stupid stuff the Titans couldn't do anything and then the Titans had I think it was an 87 yard drive the Browns kept it alive with a bunch of penalties. I think they had four penalties on the drive. Mariota's just throwing the ball over everybody's head. He just

looks terrible, but they kept getting more and more chances and more free first downs. And then finally they scored. Then the stupid left tackle on the Browns gets kicked out for kicking somebody. The backup gets hurt. We go into halftime and now they have five linemen. Freddie Kitchens looks like he should just be drinking like a Malt 40 on the sideline. I mean, that's the thing. Everybody, they were in love with Freddie Kitchens. You could talk about anything else, but why is this guy going to succeed?

Why do you love him? I get Odell Beckham Jr. I get all the Landry and everybody. Chubb, who didn't get the goal line carry. I know that killed you after you bid $79 on him. He looked good today, though. I'm still in on Chubb. He did everything except get it at the goal line. Yeah, he did everything except to get the carry

on the four-yard line to score a touchdown. I don't know what they're doing, that team. They're in a lot of trouble. Well, I mean, some teams are just undisciplined. We saw it with the raiders for so many years and it held them back even when they were good it held them back and now 18 penalties for 182 yards you don't expect that every week but that's that's bad you need a good coach to come in there and and sort that out that could be a problem every week it was our biggest fear with them and it was realized in week one. And it had all the check marks. You look at penalties.

You look at dumb decisions. Even their game plan. I felt like Nick Chubb could have run on them that whole game. And over and over again, they were throwing the ball on weird downs. I hated the way they played. Their fans got bummed out. And now we don't get to see them again until Monday night, which we'll get into,

but they're playing an equally disappointing Jets team. So maybe that'll get them going. Yeah, we'll talk about that. You know, it started at, I think we discussed like, hey, that week two could be a really good insightful game in terms of the wild card. Now it might be a loser leaves town match. It might be.

I'm glad I had no money in the Browns. That game would have made me really mad. So another thing that happened, I think Miami's 0-16 is in play. I don't think it could be counted out. Yeah, I wish I would have listened to you, because when they made the trade, when they traded Tunsell, there was still four and a half. There's just no wiggle room. Now there's a lot of wiggle room, we see, if you bet under four and a half. There's just no wiggle room. Now there's a lot of wiggle room we see if you bet under four and a half wins for Miami because it's going to be zero, one, two, or three probably, right? Oh, yeah. I think the mistake was we both thought the Ravens were going to kill the Dolphins.

We threw them in parlays and did stuff like that. But the move should have been to bet the plus. Don't they have the bets like they'll win by more? Somebody will win by more than 20 points? Sure, yeah, the ranges, yep. I think that's the move with Miami going forward. Speaking of bad breaks, Nick Foles broke his clavicle. Yep.

Early. And then somebody came in and we looked him up on the ESPN scoreboard to see who it was and it just said G Minshew. His first name was G. Garner Minshew, yeah. No, I call him G. I think it's better if he goes with G. There's some mystery. He's G Minshew. He actually looked pretty good, but it didn't matter because the Chiefs, Watkins ran amok and

they couldn't cover anybody. It was like 100 degrees. I'm not going to overreact to that game. I don't want to write off the Jaguars yet. I think the tendency would be they got killed by the Chiefs, Nick Foles is out, cross them off, but I'm not crossing them off yet. I want to see one more week with them. I don't want to write off the Chiefs defense, but I feel like I might have to because G. Minshew, Washington State grad,

22 for 25, 275, and I wouldn't say it's all garbage time. We're kind of in it. They're not playing prevent defense in the second quarter, that's for sure. I think they have a lot of problems defensively, Jacksonville or Kansas City. They're going to give up between 35 and 42, maybe five or six games this year. Tyreek Hill is out with some sort of injury for a few weeks. Is that what they said for a few weeks. Is that what they said?

A few weeks? I feel like that was a, that was a karma pick for me. Fantasy wise. I think I, what did I bid? Like $41 on him? It's a karma.

The whole thing, whole thing's karma for him. Ultimately. Well, if you're going karma, he was a loser today. So is Jameis Winston and Ben Roethlisberger scored three points. So I don't know.

Right. If you just want to group those three together in a sentence, feel free. Yeah, right. Well, but the Patriots won, so how do you gauge that? Oh. So G. Minshew, does he get picked up in a fantasy league? Maybe. Let's see.

They're at Houston this week. I'll have to look at their schedule. Kyle, there's some scouting at G. By the way, I think Kirk Cousins is on the waiver wire. There's a lot of good quarterbacks out there. Kirk Cousins, that was a classic. That's another team we should mention. It was only 8 for 10 for 98 yards.

I get that. No, that was the perfect Cousins situation, though, because they had the lead the whole game. They didn't actually have to ask him to do anything. And Cook, in the first half, looked like he was a professional guy playing against a high school team right so much faster than everyone he was great i didn't realize he was going to be all the way back like that um so as long as long as they have the lead they'll be fine the you had the falcons too right you bet

that i did on my i did a little money line parlay with the Colts, not for a little flyer. Oh, right. You would have lost. Yeah. Yeah. I decided during the, as it was going down, I don't think I've won on them since the Pats beat them in the Super Bowl. I think I'm like, oh, for my last 15 Falcons bets. But that was a classic. Like they were terrible. I think it was 28, nothing at some point.

And then Matt Ryan just lighten it up in garbage time. Like always just, 28-0 at some point. And then Matt Ryan just lighting it up in garbage time, like always. He somehow got to 300 yards. He was awful for two and a half quarters in that game. That floater he threw that was picked in the end zone. I was like, that's got to be a touchdown. Just the way he's... The loft he put on it.

Just got to be a touchdown. They should have put it... When he runs on the ticker and it's like, Matt Ryan, 304 yards. It should have an asterisk and be like, none of this meant Jack shit. He did nothing. So that team, I didn't like the vibe of that team at all. And I had high hopes for them. I know I had them as a 10 win team. I would look at, yeah, well, I had them at nine and seven. We both thought they were going to be hanging around that playoff picture. I don't want to write them off yet, but I also think we have to introduce Dan Quinn for first coach fired. Oh, interesting.

Yeah, it's been a little bit. Because we have, they have next week. If you go from 28-3 game on, had a bunch of injuries defensively last year, so the excuses are all over the place, but yeah. They took care of Julio. They changed all the coordinators, all that stuff. but yeah, they took care of Julio. They, they changed all the coordinators,

all that stuff. Sunday night, they're playing the Eagles in Atlanta. And if they have the same type of game they had today, the fans will start booing around halfway through the second quarter. And the Dan Quinn watch will, uh, we'll be on,

um, sure. Yeah. Another one where the watch will be on was, is Jameis who had a pick 12 today. Didn't know that was possible. I've heard of pick sixes, but he threw a pick 12. Two pick sixes.

He's good. Unbelievable. The Niners could barely do anything. Although, I will say George Kittle, who is not on my team in the league we're in, but he had another two touchdowns called back by penalties. Really? This should be a fantasy stat.

I would want to know the leaders of this. George Kittle has 12 fantasy points wiped away. But James looked bad. Our boy Mike Francesa mentioned that George Kittle is the player that nobody knows about, the great player that nobody knows about. So I'm going to start paying attention to that guy. I love when people do that on Twitter.

Nobody except 16 million fantasy players knows about him. I love Jamel, but she did that with Lamar Jackson today where it was one of those tweets, like everybody who thought Lamar Jackson needed to change positions or couldn't play QB. It was one of those. It was like, who thought he shouldn't be a QB? I think Bill Polian was the only person who thought that.

Right. Have you ever been in a conversation where somebody's like, you know, Lamar Jackson should be a slot receiver? No. Has that conversation ever happened? Just email Bill Polian. Yeah. Bill Polian's like, he's 100.

Put the rest of us on notice. We mentioned, oh, Tom Brady. Wanted to talk about him really quickly just as a fantasy guy one dollar at the end of our draft our whole draft remember this i think we did something a few maybe it was just in person i said this is the year the first year brady isn't a starting quarterback in the our fantasy i got mad come on don't stop that don't even talk about that yeah went for a dollar you were having a conversation when he went for a dollar. I was like, hold on, Simmons.

Listen up. Your boy's going to only go for a dollar. And you waved me off. Just let it happen. I don't want to really pay attention to it. Yeah. And I had the extra dollar too. And it was a sad moment.

And now they have Antonio Brown and he's going to end up being a top 10 fantasy guy. One last thing about that game that I forgot to mention. It's 33-3. There's six seconds left. The Steelers are on the Pats 40. Yeah, see what I mean? And Belichick doesn't... Somebody is out there that shouldn't be out there for the Pats.

And Belichick calls timeout. Yeah. And they cut to Tomlin who's like, did they just fucking call timeout? He's got that look at his face. Belichick's like, they're not scoring a touchdown. We have the wrong linebacker in. Flip him in.

It was a bizarre thing because Tomlin's kind of letting the clock go down before that play, before it stopped with six seconds left. He's kind of letting the clock, like Roethlisberger's got his hands in his pockets, but you know he's not done driving here. You know, they have one or two more plays.

The end zone. Fantasy, everyone's watching. But yeah, to call not done driving here. They have one or two more plays. The end zone. Fantasy, everyone's watching. But yeah, to call a timeout there. I don't know what there's more mental disease there. With Belichick or Brown. This is going to be something. This is Alien versus Predator now. Hey, we teamed up with FanDuel to give everybody a chance to play fantasy football against us and the trifecta.

The winner gets to fly out to Puerto Rico to be our official correspondent for FanDuel's World Fantasy Football Championship live finals and all expenses paid trip to enjoy four days worth of WFFC events in Puerto Rico and get to be part of all the action. We still have to figure out a way to get Harry in Puerto Rico. Would he get through customs there or no? No, I don't think so. He would try to smuggle some candy

that I'm almost positive isn't allowed in there. Well, if you go to fanduel.com slash ringer, you can enter and draft your week two fantasy team before the games kick off on Sunday. I did not do well this week. I'm in the 200s. It's not good. There's some people hurt by feelings on my team this week.

I have to look. I had Derrick Henry and Lamar Jackson on, so I had to do well today. You had Lamar Jackson? Yeah. I had him in everything. Well, I have him in our fantasy league. Right. I guess that's all I can say.

Why don't you take some of that. I had I had Brissette, Chubb, Chris Carson, freaking Godwin, Miles Boykin. Oh, Julio killed me. Evan Ingram, Saquon, and the Seahawks defense. I don't know why that didn't have more points. Yeah. I guess whoever had Lamar is just going to be the best person this week.

Yeah, that's good. I mean, like you said, he could have gone for seven touchdowns, whatever he wanted. Well, I'm going to redeem myself next week, and you can redeem yourself, too, in the Ringer Listener League on Fando. It doesn't matter if you missed last week and can still take home the top prize. Go to Fando.com slash Ringer to enter now. That is Fando.com slash Ringer. All right, let's play some Guess the Lines.

Let's do it. We actually have the categories back for this week and we need them because there's a couple poopfecta specials but every week we guess the lines whoever gets closer uh gets more times yeah gets hit by a jimmy johns sub talking to jimmy johns by the way oh really yeah jimmy johns i want to hit you with an unwitched tuna sub because the tuna will go everywhere all over you. It'll be great. Oh, man.

All right. I'm up for it. You won last week, so this is pretty brave of you. You killed me last week. We're going to start with Thursday night, which is not that far away. Panthers, Bucs in Carolina. The Bucs were not good today. I have no idea what happened to Mike Evans.

I kept asking Kyle if he was hurt and Kyle was going, no, no, he's right there. I'm like, well, why aren't they throwing to him? He's- You have like two catches or something? Yeah, they weren't going to him at all. It was weird. I have the pants-

The quarterback had a 45 rating today. I don't know what- Oh, is that high? He just had a sink. Jesus. I went high on this because Jameis was so bad and I just couldn't imagine him getting

seven points or less. I went seven and a half Panthers. Yeah, the line's right in the middle. I went five and a half. The number's six and a half. We split that. They could probably make it a touchdown. I will say this.

San Francisco only had 256 yards. I know they didn't care. They were winning most of the game. That's maybe a better defense than we thought. Or maybe San Fran sucks. I don't know. Jimmy G had – it's funny. It wasn't the most atrocious pick six in the game,

but it was singularly atrocious. Where it was one of those, you know, he's on his own 10, looks to his left, throws the out to the receiver and doesn't see the cornerback just already running toward the ball. And the guy just is running full speed, catches it. He's in the end zone, a split second. Those are the worst. Has Tom Brady ever had

one of those, Kyle? No, I haven't seen one of those. No, I don't feel like he has either. Maybe Jimmy G needs to be hit with the Jimmy John super onion sandwich, whatever it's called.

The Unwich. Sunday. By the way, this game is a Thursday night game. They're parading these two teams out to London. They're showing it off like it's the Globetrotters

Washington Generals rivalry. I don't know why we need to see this showcase twice jesus i can't believe yeah i thought that was a pretty physical rams game it's and they're playing in 100 you know it was like how hot was it in carolina it was hot right wasn't it like 90 and now they have to play four days later. That's rough. That's a tough beat for both teams. Sunday, the marquee game. The Rams are home.

This is the second to last? When are this new stadium opening? It's not next year. It's 2021? Is it next year? Or is it next year? All right. Well, this is their last home opener before they have the most awesome football stadium of all time.

They're playing the Rams. I'm time. They're playing the Rams. I'm sorry. They're playing the saints at home. I have Rams by four. I had three and I got it. It's exactly three. So we haven't seen the saints yet, which makes this one tough.

Well, I think they're both. I'm still, as long as we're early in the season, I'm going by projected win totals. And I think they were both around I'm still, as long as we're early in the season, I'm going by projected win totals. And I think they were both around 10.5, right? Yeah. Or maybe New Orleans. That's usually a minus three.

Yeah, so it added up to minus three. Any predictions for Saints-Texans while we're here? Saints-Texans? Yeah, Monday night. I think we're going to see a lot of points. And it's just based on that we didn't see any points, basically, in the Sunday night game or the Thursday night game, which was just brutal.

I know we just breezed past that. We're not going to talk about Packers-Bears. But I think both offenses let it fly. I would take the over. I don't know. The seven might be too high, but the over is the pick, I think. When I was looking at the slate all week, I thought the two

liveliest underdog money line picks were the Colts and the Texans. Just for like, the line seemed a little too high, and I think they actually have a chance to win the game. So, I guess we'll find out. Alright, so we have four in the watchables.

That's not bad. This is a pretty good Sunday. How badly do the Saints want this? Obviously, it's better at home. in the watchables. That's not bad. This is a pretty good Sunday. How badly does do the Saints want this? Obviously, it's better at home coming off a short week, but, you know, this is the rule change game, right?

Right. And a lot of rehash about that call and the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it could go sideways. We should mention quickly with the Rams.

It was, so I have, I'd had Daryl Henderson, I think in both of my leagues, I thought he was the backup. And then this dude, Malcolm Brown came in and look good and got most of the non girly love. There was a report before the Rams game.

I think Chris Mortensen said, I think it was Chris Mortensen was said how, Oh no, it was Jay Glazer. I'm sorry. Said how the Rams basically have no idea with Gurley's knee. They're just going to play him

and see how it goes. It was like, really? It's that bad? They have no idea what's going to happen with his knee? They're just playing him? So he looked okay. He didn't look like two years ago,

Todd Gurley, but he didn't look gimpy or anything. But they were definitely really careful. The big difference is cup. And there was a couple of big plays in the game today where they, you just forget how important he was with them. And I know everybody spent the summer going, you forget how good Cooper cup is,

but watching the actual game, there were plays where he's just the guy he's, he seems like he's the guy golf likes the most. So sure. When it's third and seven, who, who, who, how many guys in the league would you rather have on the field

better than Kup when it's third and seven? And he looks great, too. Their defense looked good, too. I thought that was a good game for them. If you look at the box score, he's like, oh, 14 for 97, Gurley, 11 for 53 for Malcolm Brown. Give me that every week. Yeah.

I'll take that every single week, and the receivers could split it up however they want offensively. And there was also a moment when it seemed like they might blow that game. Zerline missed a field goal. They had a chance to blow it open and then they settled for a field goal. The Panthers just kind of kept lingering and then the Rams

kind of got out of there with a win, which I like seeing. So we got four for the watchables. First one is Packers at home against the Vikings. Now, the Packers offense in that Thursday night game, basically for 58 minutes, was in a coma and had that one great drive where they scored the touchdown. But the defense looked great. Defense looked great.

I think the Bears defense is really good, and I think the Vikings defense is really good. So I have the Packers at really good And I think the Vikings defense is really good So I have The Packers are home against the Vikes And I have the Packers by three And this feels like a physical low scoring game I actually think this will be a good game Yeah we both picked three

And Vegas picked three as well So I think I might just sit and watch this I'm not sure I saw enough At either team. I don't know. The Vikings kind of didn't have to play the second half, and Green Bay kind of didn't play the second half.

Yeah. I don't know. It was weird. I think it's a stay away as well. I don't trust Cousins. Yeah. And I do think there's... If you're betting Kirk Cousins against Rodgers,

whether Rodgers is in a post-prime portion of his career, whether he still has his fastball, there is that moment where in the third quarter, at some point you realize like, oh my God, I bet on Kirk Cousins. Yeah. I think this Packers defense is really good. Yeah.

They got that Adrian Amos from the Bears, which he made a big play in the game. Preston Smith, Z'Darrius, but they got all these free agents. And by the way, I think Clay Matthews was holding them back. I really do. I think if you ever want to know if a guy's holding you back, like, hey, can you cut your hair this week? I want to see if you look as impressive.

Get a crew cut. You're a white guy flying around with long hair. We kind of think you're better than you are. Right. And you're a Matthews. I don't know. Look for them to be stingy. Second watchable game.

The Dolphins are home against the Patriots of New England. Now, normally I would have put this in the poopfecta. How is this watchable? Well, because it's Antonio Brown's first game. This is 100% watchable for that. And you know they're going to get him involved. And you know he's going to do something something ridiculous and it's going to be great.

Is Antonio Brown any, anywhere as good as Marquise Brown? Because that guy put up 750 yards. Good Lord. They, they got a little something, something with that receiving core. I liked all their skill guys.

I really, you know, hopefully that's not the peak of the season for them. We're beating the terrible dolphins. But anyway, for Miami's home, I went over 14 points for this. I feel like you have to. I settled at Patriots by 15 and a half in Miami. I said they'd be favored by 36.

I was leaning 36, 36 and a half. I wasn't sure what I was going to say. No, I said 16. And I'm like, well, that's still going to be low. But you're right. It's 14 and a half. You're closer, and you get that. It ends around 15 and a half, 16, I think, right?

Mm-hmm. Don't you think? Yeah, sure. I mean, who's crazy enough to bet the Dolphins? I felt bad for Josh Rosen. I was like, he must be hiding. He's hiding behind cheerleaders over there. He doesn't want any part of this game.

I have a weird Patriots theory I'm going to throw at you. You know, in the past, the Pats, I don't know if you knew this, but the Pats have been good for a long time. And they have this habit of when they would dominate a team for a while or whatever, they would ease up or the team would get some garbage time stuff. And the final result would be a little closer than the game actually was. I think their secondary is so good this year that I think it's going to be really hard for teams to, for bad teams to score on them, even in garbage time.

I feel like the, and you know, we could say what we want about the, I think you're right about the timeout with six seconds left, but I kind of feel like they made a deal with Belichick and said, let's see how many, let's see how long we can go without giving up a touchdown. Yeah. I think the defense, can we go September? I think the defense is a real story with this team.

It really, the secondary, like Harmon started in playoff games for them. And is it is now like a, like a dime back, you know, he's it's just, they're just loaded. So I think in a game like this, when they're, is now like a dimeback. They're just loaded.

So I think in a game like this, if they're up like 28-3, 28-7, it's still going to be hard to score on them. Even if they have backups playing, the guys are still pretty good. Find out if there's a side deal, because that could help us gambling-wise. This is a perennial nightmare game for the Patriots.

I just want to point that out. I'm required to point that out. But I think that's, that makes it, uh, unlosable. So every week we cross a team off that we've decided will not make the playoffs. I am willing to do that with the dolphins right now.

I think there is a 0% chance to make the playoffs. The dolphins. Welcome. Welcome to the eliminator pool. You've been eliminated. 0% chance to make the playoffs. The Dolphins, welcome. Welcome to the eliminator pool. You've been eliminated. Good job. Good job by you. Go on vacation, Miami. You live in Miami. You don't really have to go vacation far, but you're not long for this season. Next rewatchable game. I'm sorry.

Next watchable game is the Steelers in Pittsburgh playing a Seattle team that I can't say the Seahawks fans were that fired up by the end of the game. Oh, man. That was brutal. I know you did it again. You hate throwing the Seahawks into those parlays, teases, because they will do this against shitty teams at home.

They've done it to us again and again. We both threw them in a parlay. Had to sweat out fucking Andy Dalton. What we forget is Andy Dalton's a decent quarterback. There are a lot of bad teams with bad quarterbacks. He's a good, decent quarterback on a really bad team. He's going to screw you one or two or three weeks out of the year. You have to be careful.

And Mixon got hurt. We really, really, really got lucky with Seattle. You know how many yards they had on offense? It wasn't great. 150. Mixon was another karma guy I went down today. 150 yards. How did

they win that game? It's insane. The shocking thing to me was I thought Metcalf was going to be like a gimmick this year. Now Russ likes him. Not only does Russ like him, I was shocked by how much they were going to him like a gimmick this year. Now Russ likes him. Not only does Russ like him, I was shocked by how much they were going to him. He was like the new Doug Baldwin.

Or how much they weren't going to lock it, tie the locket. Well, who then ended up making the big play. But Metcalf is like Doug Baldwin after the Incredible Hulk, after he takes the Incredible Hulk serum. Did that feel like Andy Dalton's greatest game ever yards-wise? He threw for 418, and they had like 17 points deep into the fourth. But such a weird feel, that game.

Yeah, well, you said it best. He is like weirdly underrated because he's the guy you don't want to bet on in a wildcard game. But in a game where he's a nine-point underdog against Seattle, and Seattle already thinks they just have to show up and win, he's actually pretty frisky. But the biggest play in that game that kept them around was that ridiculous pseudo Hail Mary at the end of the first half, where the Seahawks just kind of misjumped it.

These D-backs need to play preseason. If you misjudge that, that's really bad. So that really kind of skewed how this game went. Yeah. So I have had the Steelers laying three and a half at home against Seattle. I had you out here. I said four. It's actually up to five.

It opened at five, and it's five. Because I think they're thinking, now that I look at it, you can't go two games behind Baltimore. I know we can't say it's over, but the wild card, maybe most likely not coming from this division. I'm thinking, and do you want to fall to behind Baltimore?

It's a bad look. Well, and they're also factoring in Pittsburgh playing football for the first seven days of the year for them, so that'll be great. Something that resembled it, at least. I thought Seattle was going to be better, and I don't know what to make of that performance by then today. Doesn't it drive you crazy that Russell Hustle and Bustle Man Muscle,

Wilson, doesn't call his own number more than once a game now? Like only when he needs it in the last drive or something. Well, I felt the same way about him that I feel with Trubisky, where you have these guys who are phenomenal athletes and they're not rolling out and using their gifts to kind of, you know, if you're rooting against them or if you're betting against them, it's always the scariest when Wilson's kind of scampering around

and you don't know if he's going to throw a pass. And they weren't really doing that with him. They never seemed to fix that offensive line for him. But the one play I'm talking about, and Chris Carson's good, but you shove it in his stomach, he moves forward for two yards, and then you see Russ, oh, my God, he could really just boot it out. Oh, that play, yeah, yeah, you're right. He went for seven, but he did it once all game.

Yeah, he always feels like they have the shackles on him for some reason. They don't, they don't ever kind of let them roam free last watchable game. I, this is just a tribute to Lamar and what we saw today, but I have Ravens Cardinals in Baltimore as, as a watchable because Lamar versus Kyler Murray is going to be really fun. That will absolutely be on one of my TVs. It's going to happen. I have the Ravens favored by eight. I had 10 and a half and it's 13.

Vegas doesn't think this is as watchable as you might. Oh my God. Wow. So what do you think that line was a week ago? Must have been like seven or eight, right? I don't know. Ten or eleven. I don't think they give any of the rookie quarterbacks that much juice on the road.

Oh, man. I don't agree with that at all. That's too high. No. Yeah. I also won't be betting in Arizona. So there you go. Well, I was looking at it as, well, you don't want this teaser.

You don't want any part of that teaser, anything over 10 points. But in terms of an eliminator pool, if you don't want to use New England, that's a pretty good one. Let's take a quick break. Hey, here's an insider travel secret from Hotel Tonight. Tons of empty hotel rooms are out there just waiting to be booked. Hotel Tonight teams up with awesome hotels to help them sell these rooms. They pass those savings along to your own one-stop shop for booking cool top rated hotels at incredible values. Even though it's called hotel

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All right, we're going to do the barely watchables. The Chargers are in Detroit. The Lions fans, they just have to be feeling good. Another killer Lions season. Off to a great start. They're 0-0-1. Feel the excitement.

A little 0-0-1 start. I have the Chargers getting 3.5 on the road in Detroit. You had the Chargers getting three and a half on the road in Detroit. You had the Chargers giving three and a half? Giving three and a half. I'm sorry. I had them giving three and it is three.

Are you going to beat me again? Yeah, it's six to three if you include the tie. You talk about the Patriots cheating. Jesus. Matt, Patricia, I don't know. Especially like we said, Vikings and Packers are going to be good.

You know the Bears will be good too. Maybe not 12 wins good, but they lost their first game last year and ended up with 12. Detroit really shot themselves in the foot with a tie this week. I'll tell you this much. If that line stays at three, I'm not going to be able to resist the Chargers. Really? Even though I don't like the road favorites, especially this early

in the season, but I just don't think the lines are good. I'm looking at the Chargers differently now. I know travel is a bitch for these teams and when you're up, you know, button up against your bi-week and everything, but I don't see a lot of true road games for them because they're, they play at home and that's a road game. I like that win for them today. I really thought the Colts were good. That was a nice one. Speaking of the Colts, they are in Tennessee,

and whatever this line ends up being, I'm going to be betting the Colts. I'm just telling you now. I think Vegas jacked this a half point higher than it should be. I have Titans by three and a half. You and I both at three and a half. It's only three. Vegas not as impressed with the Titans. I think they know that they're not going to play a team that's going to

allow 18 penalty. 182 yards of penalties every week. I think that's a fair line. We need a derisive nickname for Freddy Kitchens. Like Freddy Malt 40. He just seems like he should be hanging outside I think that's a fair line. We need a derisive nickname for Freddy Kitchens. Yeah. Like Freddy Malt 40. He just seems like he should be hanging outside the 7-Eleven in Kansas City.

I felt bad. I think the last time we did our podcast, I was telling you we were going to do a comedy bit at Lock It In with Hugh Jackson. Yeah. And we saw Hugh, and I really didn't know what to say to him. I really got starstruck a little. I was like, you look good. You know, resting makes you look good.

You look healthy. I had no idea what to say. You know, this poor guy wants a job, something. He can't catch on in some kind of like defensive line coach or something. Can't you just add him to lock it in? Why can't he just be on the show? A fifth box. Yeah, a fourth box. You guys, it's an hour-long show, and Hugh could be the producer,

and you could continually just run out of time each week. There's five minutes of the show left, but it's 5.30. Poor Hugh. Poor Hugh. I hope he makes it come back. He must have enjoyed that today. Yeah, listen, he's not worse than Freddie Kitchens was. No Hugh Jackson game has ever gone worse than Freddie Kitchens was.

No Hugh Jackson game has ever gone worse than that game did. Jesus. Freddie. Freddie, I'll see you outside the 7-Eleven at 1145 tonight. Cowboys are in Washington. Wait, did we pick that? Oh, I guess we did, right? Yeah.

I thought it was, okay. Cowboys are in Washington. Washington got more than frisky in the first half of that Eagles game and was conspiring to mess up every eliminator pull and parlay and everything. And then the Eagles rallied back. And then the Redskins went away. I think I told you the nine-point favorites or higher in week one were 7-17 or 7-19 against the spread. It's just too tough a hill to climb if you don't score in the first quarter,

and that's exactly what happened with the Eagles this week, even though they were covering. John Ewing from the Action Network, he had a stat today after the Eagles did. They did not cover that Redskins game that since 1993, the highest favorite is 12 and 24 in week one. Is that what it is? Yeah. I was surprised.

I wish we had known that. We could have shorted the Eagles this week. Well, we could have shorted the Eagles. I love Seattle. I just thought they were going to run all over Cincinnati, but it didn't happen, but I still like it. I know the game was already played, but I still like the Seahawks. Let's go back in time. I have the Cowboys laying four points in Washington. Boy, I'm never this confident in my team. I promise you I'm not. You know I'm not. I said seven, but you're closer. It's five.

So you take it. So you think you signed Dak this week? No, we don't have to do that. Everyone's got a call. Not everyone's going to be signed every week that they have a good game, right? We're going to have to give them $50 million. That was crazy. You know who was in the owner's booth today was the great one, Dirk Nowitzki.

Oh, was he in there? Yeah, there's a picture of him, which reminded me, I've never brought this up to you on a pod, but Mark Stein is convinced that Dirk Nowitzki is the most popular Dallas athlete of all time. And it's a take that drives the Cowboy fans crazy. They refuse to accept it, but then they can't name a Cowboy who was more popular in Dallas than Dirk Nowitzki. I have to say, I've been out to, I don't want to talk out of school, but we've been out to dinner with Romo. Yeah. I was out there in Dallas, and I think he mentioned that only Dirk gets a greater response when he walks in.

Because I think he's immediately recognizable. Yeah. It's too big to not approach. Texans are home for the Jags. And unfortunately, we haven't seen the Texans yet. So it's a tough one to guess. We do know that, what's his name? G. Minchu?

Yeah, Gardner Minchu. G. Minchu is going to be the QB for the Jags. So I have the Texans by six. I'm picking Texans by six blind, having not seen them this season. I went higher. Same thing I thought with Kylo Murray. No, the rookie on the road thing doesn't even, you're playing against, the blackjack dealer has a six showing. Doesn't really matter. That's the rookie quarterback on the road. You have to give it close to eight or nine. I said seven and a half. It's actually nine. Oh, so it's an

extra field goal for G. Yeah. I don't know. I like Minchu. The Chu? Chewy? It's so hard. The Chiefs, they screw you up. You don't know how good your defense is. You don't know how good your offense is

because their defense is so bad. It's really like a throwaway game when you play that. G-baby? Did you think LeSean McCoy looked like somebody who is going to, let me give you three choices. A, take Damian Williams' job. B, do just enough to ruin Damian Williams' fantasy season, or C, get hurt in two weeks and it's not going to matter? Oh, interesting. I think, well, I have Damian Williams, so I can

answer that. And I'm now one in 14 in the last 15 games in our league after dropping one tonight. So I think just by that, I would say he'll do just enough to screw with Damian Williams' stats. Well, I have good news. You've just been named the new Browns coach. Who, LeSean McCoy? No, you have, Sal. Oh, okay. They heard you were one in 14 in your last 15

and they just said you've been hired. Congrats. No, that's too impressive a resume. I thought LeSean was brought in just to be like Andy Reid's buddy. We have no room for you, but just hang out instead of trouble. Yeah, but if they hadn't done that, do you think they would have been a real player for Antonio Brown?

It's possible. Oh, wow. Because that honestly would have freaked me the fuck out if the Chiefs had gotten him. Yeah. Imagine him, Tyreek, and Watkins. Yeah. Oh, my God.

And Kelsey? Oh. Right. Thank God that didn't happen. I know. Well, but the Patriots signed Brown back in May, so it couldn't have happened. Until you can find the emails, it didn't happen. We can't find.

You talk about Brady texting with Antonio Brown, and Antonio Brown's like, oh, probably, probably like, I don't know about this. Brady's like, relax. I'll just throw my phone in the trash if they ask for it. I'm only laughing because we're going to go 14 and two. Chiefs at Oakland. Wow. Oakland, yet another team we haven't seen yet. Go play against the Chiefs.

That's fun. And you're home. Yeah. I kept this under 10 because of the Tyreek Hill thing. I went Chiefs by nine. Yeah, you edged me out. I said eight and a half. It is nine.

Am I still alive? One, two, three, four, five, six. Eight to six. How many do we have? We have five games left. Including Ty. Oh, yeah. You're still alive.

There was a scary moment in that Chiefs game when Mahomes went in the tent. Yeah. And it looked like somebody fell on his leg and had shades of Brady 11 years ago, but it was fine. I realized that even I am, I love the Patriots more than anything about football. I didn't want Mahomes to get hurt. I was like, no. That's good.

I was like, come on. Mahomes, are you okay? I love watching Mahomes. I didn't want to lose Mahomes. You know, it's funny. This isn't quite parent corner, but my son, freshman in high school, is in now three fantasy leagues.

He had Antonio Brown. When the Raiders dumped him, he was like, owner but my son freshman in high schools and now three fantasy leagues yeah he had antonio brown and uh when the raiders dumped him he was like oh man what a waste what a wasted pick second round pick what am i gonna do and then i say then like saturday morning i was like you know the patriots are the odds on favorite to sign him he says oh no really i said what are you complaining about do you have him on your fantasy team he's, I will gladly lose and be the butt of all jokes and go winless in my fantasy league in front of all my friends in school instead of having the Patriots have him. What does that show you?

That ninth graders are willing to be the butt of the joke in exchange for the Patriots not winning. I just lost a ton of respect for him. I kind of did too. That's terrible. God, what kind of kids are you raising? I don't know. Jesus.

You know, I was flying back from San Francisco. I went to a Metallica show on Friday night. Oh. I saw Metallica with the San Francisco Orchestra and the new Golden State Basketball Arena, which is amazing. Speaking of losing respect. Downtown San Francisco, the Metall new Golden State basketball arena, which is amazing. Speaking of losing respect. Downtown San Francisco,

the Metallica. That was unbelievable. I'm so glad I went. Yeah, it was really something. But on the way back, Antonio Brown got released and we hadn't taken off yet. I was with Fantasy

and it was like, you don't think he'd go to the, it was like one of those, you don't think he'd go to the Pats even now. And I did a tweet about Belichick, joking that Belichick asking Ben Watson to switch from 84 to 89. Oh yeah, you did, didn't you?

Yeah. So then, you know, six hours later he's on the Patriots, but then they tweeted and did some, or he did some Instagram or Snapchat stuff with the brown patriots 84. But Ben Watson's 84. So what happens if Ben Watson's like, fuck you, dude. I've been 84 my whole career. You're not getting it. Pick a new number. No, you can't say that to AB.

What if he does though? It's a free country. Ben Watson can do what he wants. What if he's like, I'm not giving you 84. Then you'll just give him some of his $15 million he got and say here, now you're 89. What if Ben Watson's like i'm not giving you 84 and then just give him some of his 15 million dollars he got and say here now you're 80 now you're 89 what if ben watson's like you're a dick i'm not giving you 84 pick another number and then antonio brown has another freak out like he did with the helmet he's like i can't play unless i have 84 you know what he sits out like this is now these are my

nightmares now that antonio brown's on my team that he might sit out because he doesn't get a number i like where you're going with this i I'm going to do a Kickstarter for Ben Watson to keep the number 84. Well, Belichick will just wave Ben Watson and be like, Ben, you're giving him 84 or you're going to have another team. I forgot about that part. Yeah. We didn't do Bears Bronco, which is the last barely watchables. We have not seen the Broncos yet. We both have them in a couple of wagers that we need them to come through on Monday night against the Raiders. I think you underrated this game.

I mean, probably because I have Denver winning 10 games this year, but it's going to be fun. Here's why I didn't underrate it and why I made it a barely watchable. I don't want to watch Trubisky for a while. I'm not saying I never want to watch him again,

but I need a few weeks to regroup from first game of the year. So excited to have my first football bets down. Yeah. And he just bends over. It was like watching some crazy dude just bend over in the middle of the street and stop traffic by taking a shit all over the road.

That's how it was for three hours. And I don't want to watch him play football for at least a month. Well, I think it gets easier for him. I'm not saying this game because he's going a mile high and Denver swarms on defense anyway. But last week or Thursday night, he had like 40 percent pressures yeah bisky that only happened once last year or 42 somewhere in there so he'll have some good games i just it's just unfortunate he's hitting these dynamite defenses back to back well i have the bears in denver uh

laying three points yeah i i who gets this so i thought this was a pick. Denver is giving a point and a half. Oh, so you get it because I'm four and a half points off. Yeah, I get that one. I get it, but I don't get it. I don't know. The Bears seem to need it more. Well, again, we haven't seen Denver. I don't know.

I guess short week. In my head, I was just thinking the Bears defense looked really good last week, and they're playing Joe Flacco. So what am I missing? Yeah, that might be it. That could be all you need to know about this game. But doesn't Denver, don't they go like five and one in the first six every year? They always do start out nicely.

We have four games left. We are now moving to the Poopfecta division of games. There's two this week. The first one is definitely poopy. It's not as bad as the second one. Bengals. Actually, it is as bad. Bengals at home against the 49ers and Jimmy G.

I have the Bengals laying a point and a half. I had no idea what to do with this game. What do you have? Yeah, you get this, but by the slimmest of margins, I said Bengals laying a point and a half. I had no idea what to do with this game. What do you have? Yeah, you get this, but by the slimmest of margins, I said Bengals minus two. 49ers minus two is the spread. Wow. So Vegas liked them today, too, and they came through.

What are they seeing with the 49ers that I'm not seeing? What am I missing? I don't know. I was trying to look at the win total. So the 49ers, I guess not seeing? What am I missing? I don't know. I was trying to look at the win total. The 49ers, I guess, have a better win total than Cincinnati. I'm not sure because they didn't have a lot of yards either. What did we say

San Francisco had? Didn't have a lot of yards. 256 or something? Secondary was pretty good. Running game, no. Jimmy G up and down is being kind and some dumb penalties, but I can't say I was impressed by them in the game today. It seemed like Tampa probably should have won.

Dalton definitely loses games he's supposed to win, but I don't see the pick 12 in this game, which seems to help a team a lot. Well, if we see the pick 12 again, Jameis won't be seeing week three. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. The other proof of the game. It might be Garoppolo with the pick 12 again, Jameis won't be seeing week three. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. The other proof.

With the big 12, the giants are home and they'll be playing the bills of Buffalo. And we should mention Bill's jets, not the greatest game ever. I don't think we'll be seeing it on the NFL greatest games or any of that stuff. But Kyle and I were both impressed by Josh Allen, who even if he's erratic as a passer, maybe not the number one guy you'd want to run a team, if you're picking best quarterbacks, he does really carry himself like a quarterback.

Like, he definitely is a leader. And I thought he really came through down the stretch. I thought he was pretty good late. Now, C.J. Mosley was out. I think these two have decent defenses, too. So, I feel bad for Jets fans. They had it right there. They really didn't have to do a lot to win this game.

I know Donald got sacked four times and didn't look sharp down the stretch, but I feel bad. Imagine people thought the Jets could win that division. There seemed people actually thought that they were going to contend. So, when did Mosley get hurt in that game? Yeah, I guess it was a little,

was it second or third? Cause he was, he had a touchdown. So that helped. My jets fans, friends were saying how he was looking really good early and then somehow disappeared. But the bills that Singletary looked good too.

And they didn't really unleash him completely in the game, but I'll be interested to see what he does. So, uh, so I had bills by one against the Giants in New York. I had Bills by two and a half, and I got it exactly. I know you're going to think I'm cheating. No.

You're going to be a shade under three. You're hating me with the Jimmy Johns. I don't know how you can give the Giants anything less than three. That is – I could see Saquon rushing for like 380 yards really the best running back i've ever seen in my life yeah he did it today something he busted one time he fumbled did you see how he fumbled yeah that was oh the first time saquon's ever fumbled in his life dating back to seven years old and then the next play he took off, embarrassed the edge for the Cowboy. Just ran right around him. Like, oh boy, this is going to suck tonight.

And yeah, maybe he gets it back this week. Sunday night game is in Atlanta. We mentioned it earlier. Falcons against the Eagles. I do not think the Falcons showed enough to be favored by three in this game. I have Falcons by two. That's exactly what I had. Vegas has Philly by one.

Oh, man. They saw the same. They love Philly. I mean, they have them right around 10 wins anyway. They saw the same horrible Falcons energy that we saw in this game. We didn't talk about how much fun it is to have Deshaun Jackson back in the Eagles

and the beauty of certain players on certain teams who aren't superstars, but when they're in the uniform, it all kinds of falls into place for them. It's kind of like it. Bizarre. That was 2013. Deshaun Jackson speed, everything ability to separate,

great separation. Insane. He had 154 yards. It's scary. I, I don't want to do this blind without looking at the stats, but I would say that he has probably gotten more 40-plus yard touchdowns than just about anybody this decade, right?

Oh, wow. Wouldn't you say? Would you include returns and everything? It just seems like six, seven times a year he has. Even when he was on bad teams, he still finds a way to break a play. He did one today, but I liked having him on the Eagles. I thought that was really fun. I know I had him under four touchdown receptions last year,

and he had four in the first two weeks and ended up with four. So it was one of my luckier bets. But this is a different beast with the Eagles. It sucks. And Wentz, I'm going to say this. I've been crapping on Wentz all summer, but he kind of looks like Brady back there on third down. I feel like there's not any kind of throw he can't make on third down

in the pocket. Well, he put up 28 fantasy points today quietly. First half, he was doing nothing. Then all of a sudden, it took off. That was a good win for them, though. They got a little it took off. That was a good win for them though. You know, they got a little, they got a little tested.

Yeah. But, um, the, what'd you think of the rookie running back? Oh, I didn't get to see him too much. Sanders.

Yeah. He looked pretty good. Did he? Last game. I'm calling it up. Sorry. Browns jets Monday night. Do you want to call this a loser-leaves-town match?

I kind of think we do, right? If the Ravens are 2-0 and the Browns are 2-0, what kind of odds are you going to have to get on the Browns to make the playoffs? And then we know the Jets aren't winning division. I don't care if they win by 50 this game. If you had to pick six AFC playoff teams right now, who would you pick?

The dumbest question of all time because we've had one game and we've had no injuries yet. It sucks that I'm going to have to ditch the Steelers because did you have the Steelers winning the division? Yeah, I still have them as one of the six. I think they start slow. I'll do the same thing. I'll take three playoff teams from the AFC West,

not having seen Denver. I'll take Houston in the South, not having seen them play. I'm going to stick with Pittsburgh and New England. Yeah, I don't think I'd be able to narrow it to six. I think there's probably eight. Oh, well, you told me six. No, I know.

I can give you eight. I just wanted to force you to do something that I didn't want to do. No, if I had to do six, I had the Denver in the Chargers spot. But after watching the Chargers today, I kind of wish I had flipped that. But definitely, definitely at least two from the AFC West. And then I think the Colts are going to be a playoff team. Wow. Baltimore, I'm not ready to be a playoff team. Wow. Baltimore, I'm not ready to call a playoff team yet. But I would still take the pedigree of Pittsburgh over Baltimore.

The Colts play some crazy quarterbacks. I think we went over it, but they obviously played Deshaun Watson twice. We saw that they played Rivers. I think they have Breeze and Mahomes in there somewhere and Big Ben. I would say the thing I would bet on is that I think the AFC East and the AFC North only has one playoff team. So if it's not Pittsburgh, it would be Baltimore and vice versa. That's looking right.

And then I think I could see Indy Houston, Chargers, Denver, KC, four of those five. Well, but then are you taking, where's the other NFC? So you're taking like Green Bay, Minnesota. You're taking one from the north, one wild card from the north. I was talking AFC. Yeah, yeah, no. I thought you said NFC first. I'm sorry.

I meant AFC. Yeah, yeah. I'm saying AFC East, AFC North. I think two playoff teams total out of those divisions. Gotcha. Yeah. Monday night Browns-Jets. I have Browns three and a half at the Jets. Now, why are they doing this? Because this was the

first Monday night game ever? Is that why? I think so. Like, this is the one anniversary of Monday night football. I think that's the only reason they're sticking us with this, but I'm still disappointed in Michelle Tafoya's Thursday night football outfit when they're like,

it's been a hundred years and Al and Chris are dressed like Grantland rice in the 1920s. And it's like, let's go to Michelle. Right. And she doesn't look like she's dressed in the 1920s. Oh, I see.

Yeah. Like she should look like Glenn close in the natural or something. She should look completely absurd. And it's like, all right, you have a cute little hat on that maybe nobody would wear anymore, but you don't, nobody would be like, oh my God, you look like you're in 1920. Come on, Michelle. Come into the bit. Jack holes could dress up.

You can play dress up. I'm not doing it. Did we talk about how that's not the greatest rivalry of all time? What? Which one? Packers Bears. What is the greatest rivalry of all time? I'm Which one? Packers-Bears. What is the greatest rivalry of all time? I'm sorry.

It's not Packers-Bears. How many Packers-Bears games do you remember? I mean, how many in my lifetime? Like, probably none. That's what I mean. Have they ever been good at the same time? That's exactly it. I think at three years in the last half century,

they've both been good. There are so many better Patriot Jet games than there were Packers-Bears. Yeah, that's stupid. I don't agree with that at all. Greatest rivalry of all time. So you beat me again. All right.

Oh, so I said minus one. I said the Jets would be favored by one. You said Cleveland by three and a half. You're going to win this. It's Cleveland by two and a half. Yeah, but you beat me for the week. Eight, nine, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. Yeah, I did.

Get that Jimmy Johns ready. So that cheers you up. Yeah, that's good. That's good. We still have to watch. I'm betting the Patriots to win the Super Bowl. That's it. What's it going to be?

Five and a half, six to one? I'm just going to do it. Can I read you the Steelers decade? Their decade? Yeah. 2010, lose the Super Bowl. 2010, lose a wildcard playoff game to Tim Tebow. 2012 and 13, no playoffs.

2014, playoff loss to the Ravens. 2015, playoff loss to Peyton Manning during the year when he had his arm that was made out of facility. 2016, made the AFC title game, got destroyed by the Patriots. 2017, they blew a playoff game to Blake Bortles. Yeah. I don't know if you remember that one. I do remember it. 2018, no playoffs.

And on the last game, their best player decided not to play. 2019, it all turns for the Steelers fans. They've decided that they just can't stand Antonio Brown. They want the Raiders thing to go as badly as possible for him. And it does. And they spend the whole week celebrating this. And then he ends up

on the New England Patriots. And then they lose to the Patriots 33-3 on opening night. Ladies and gentlemen, that was your Pittsburgh Steelers decade. Thank you and please drive through. We went to great lengths to keep Antoine Brown off the Patriots. I don't know if the Patriots would have paid him $50 million in March, but they would have given up the draft picks.

I'm going to read an email from Carter Wright. The combination of Bill's excitement over the NFL season starting and his cockiness about the Patriots has led me to turn off every BS podcast this week will someone please get him to stop acting like such an arrogant asshole so I can listen to the podcast sometime this season

or get House or Sal to offer some resistance when he gets up on his high horse I can think of some fertile subject matter for doing so. Taping the Rams practice, employing a murderer, massage parlors, et cetera. Sincerely, Carter Wright. Aw. Carter, I've tried all of that.

First of all, we didn't tape the Rams practice. The Patriots hoist the Lombardi trophy. There's nothing we could do, really. We didn't tape the Rams practices. That was a lie. Here come more lies. We might have employed a murderer. The massage parlor, all charges were dropped.

Pictures weren't, though. It's my defenses. Wow. I haven't seen it yet. All right, we're going to do parent quarter, but we're going to take one more break. Hey, if you have the TV on at the office or at school, wherever you just have something on in the background, or if you just like

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fantasy advice, and something we care about deeply here at the BS Podcast, Gambling Picks and Analysis. To get that extra edge as someone who's been playing fantasy and gambling for three decades now, I can confirm that stuff is not easy, although it was pretty easy this week, but it's not always easy for me. But when I turn on CBS Sports HQ, I'll see the tips and trends I need to win my bets. Just download the CBS Sports app on your phone, Apple TV, Roku, Fire TV, or other connected devices that you use at any time to watch CBS Sports HQ. No fake debates, just sports for real sports fans at the great price of, oh, it's completely free. You don't

even have to log in or sign up or anything. Download the CBS Sports app and watch CBS Sports HQ today. All right, it's time for Parent Corner. It's brought to you by CarMax, America's number one used car retailer. As parents, we have enough to worry about without stressing over used car shopping. At CarMax, you've got a full week to decide

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Check them out today at CarMax.com. Sal, what do you got? I got two quick ones. I'll tell you about my five-year-old who is playing soccer. Now, he was on this team last season, actually in the spring, with all his friends in school. Every one of them. There was like six friends in his preschool class. They're all on this baseball team. They were the Mets. He loved it. We got along with the parents. We held the end of the year party at our house.

They weren't insufferable, the parents. I actually liked them, which was tough for me. It was great. Now they have this soccer team in the fall. And Harrison, my son, is two days too old to be in that league. The um the the way they sort out the ages for the soccer is different than the way they do it for baseball so he's two days too old there's a kid on the team that's two days younger than him um but my son can't do it because he's two days too old so he has to play on another team so but the coach offers this he says says, Hey, why don't I, I'll just order an extra Jersey. He could show

up. He's five who gives a shit that, you know, they're not competing for a giant trophy here. The coaches, other coaches are going to know there's no rosters. Not going to call me out. And, uh, that'll be that he can come in as a sub or there's always two kids that can't make it or whatever. I was like, that sounds really good. My wife's like, no, no, no, no. Let's do this by the book. They'll probably let us do that anyway, but let's, let's just let the league decide. I was like, that sounds really good. My wife's like, no, no, no, let's do this by the book. They'll probably let us do that anyway, but let's just let the league decide. I was like, I don't think it's a good idea, but go ahead. Godspeed, do it. Sure enough, calls up, gets a commissioner on the phone or email through email. There are absolutely no exceptions. He cannot play with his friends. He's going to have to be on this other team.

So now she's furious. And now I'm not furious. Now I'm like, well, this is your fault. You screwed this up. We could have had the extra jersey. We could have ordered it. It would have been fine. And now he has to play on this other team. And not only now is he playing on this other team, they moved that game for some reason, the schedule. There's three games on Sunday. So I have to see. Everything was great. Everything's lined up for a Saturday season. Now he has half the schedule is on Sunday. And, and, and their practices are Saturday at 2.

Oh. Two days, two weekend days are ruined for five-year-old soccer. I have a question. In the middle of the day Saturday. I was like, what kind of maniac? I have a question. Yeah. Why are they having practice for five-year-old soccer. I have a question. In the middle of the day, I was like, what kind of maniac? I have a question. Yeah. Why are they having practice

for five-year-olds? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. What are they doing? That's what I said. Five-year-olds run around like a chicken with their head cut off.

There's no practice for them. That's what I said. I was like, he shouldn't go to the practices. This is, we have a couple of beach days left. We have a million things going on. Why at two o'clock

do we have to bring him to practice? Like, well, maybe he won't play. Maybe they won't play him. If they, I was like, this is not a scholarship team. Like, I don't get it. So that's that we're stuck with a Saturday and Sunday real quick. The older one, the freshman has a game in Anaheim football on Thursday. I'm driving out there.

I'm about halfway there. And I get a call from my wife saying the game is canceled because it's too hot. Oh, my God. It's 90, and it's humid, and they don't want to take any chances. I was like, you got to be kidding me. I know I play through heat like this. I don't want to be the old man saying this, but first of all, this reminds me of the NFL, what we talked about. Why are they scheduling early September games in Carolina and Tampa Bay if they know there's going to be a storm hitting, same thing here,

same, same weather in Anaheim every September 10th, have their games on the road. Now that's it. So I had to turn back. I was like in traffic for four hours, but that's that I'm done. That's brutal. I can't believe they have practice for five-year-olds. What is going on with this country? Yeah. Isn't that like, oh, the coaches are nuts. They love it. I was like, if they love it so much, take off work Friday. We'll do Friday at five or something. You throw a soccer ball out with people wearing uniforms of two different teams. Yeah.

And all of them just cluster around the ball. There's no, what are they going to practice? Just running into each other? I was like, you know what? He's not going to remember any of this. He might remember playing with his friends that he grew up with. That would have been cool. But all right, take that away. What are we going to do?

What's his birthday? When's his birthday? December 30th. So there's a kid who was born January 2nd who's on the team. Oh, man, that's a tough sports birthday. Yeah. Oof. Is it's a tough sports birthday. Yeah. Oof. Is it?

I never even thought about it. Zoe has a friend that she played soccer with when they were kids all the way through. And then when California switched to, instead of whatever the cutoff date was, it became the actual birth year. And her friend was December 31st, 2004.

So had to play the 2004. She was like the youngest person in the whole league. If you were January, February, the following year, then you're the oldest kid. It's like the Gladwell book. The outliers with the hockey players. This is why when people ask me

for advice for parenting, the only thing I say is if you think your kids are going to be athletic, try to game it so that they're born late January, early February. That's the move. Yeah, that's good. You really want to stack the deck for your children.

I understand for leagues, there has to be a cutoff. And it matters when they're 8, 9, 10 and above. But come on, 5? 5 is pretty ridiculous. My parent corner, there's just a lot to choose from with my son these days it's it's uh he's really turning into one of the all-time characters you you posted a photo of brad asleep at football today with your son standing next to him and my son's kind of turning into our brad oh no no just like he's just a character. I can pick seven stories.

But so I'll go with these two. My wife gave him $40 to because he was walking downtown to go get coffee or some coffee drink with his friend Ben and they're going to go walk

around. That story's good enough right there. You can stop. That was my whole thing. I was like, why'd you give him $40? Why didn't you give him like $10? She's like, I don't know. I just grabbed money for my wallet. So giving him $40, it's like a game show where you're giving just dumb 11-year-olds money

to just spend. So anyway, he comes back and there was some sale from a store and he's carrying all this stuff. And he's like, mom, the store had a sale. I don't forget the name of it. And I got all this stuff. And it was, I can't even describe what the stuff to one was a thing. It almost looked like a stand.

And he's like, I'm going to keep my trophies on this. He hasn't won a trophy. I don't think yet. I think he won one baseball trophy. So it's like, so that's great. This ugly stand. I don't even know where it's going to go. You have that.

And then it was like there was one giant long key that he really liked because it looked like a key from a scary movie. It's like, look at this. It was marked down from $10 to $1. It's like, yeah, because it's a fucking giant key. Who would want this? Do you know what it says on it? Are you sure it wasn't another one? What did it say on it? It says the key to my heart on it's like, yeah, because it's a fucking giant key. Who would want this? Do you know what it says on it? Are you sure it wasn't another one?

What did it say on it? It says the key to my heart on it. Oh my God. And then there was like some gold chains. So anyway, he spent the whole $40. Then my wife's mad at him. I was like, why are you mad at him? He's an idiot. You should be mad at yourself. So we have that. Then the other thing was I rejoined my fantasy league with my friends from high school. The one that I was in from like 1990, which I had skipped out on cause I was, I didn't want to be in multiple leagues and then they made me feel guilty.

Yeah. So I'm back, I'm back in that did the online draft whole thing. But I wanted, I told my son, I was like, we should be partners for this. He's like,

great. So we do the draft. He's interested right to the point where he really wanted me to take Baker Mayfield, which might be the only quarterback he knows other than Tom Brady. So we take him and then disappears. He's gone for the rest of the draft.

Downloads the CBS app on his phone and then he can look at our team and he's all excited about that. He's like, hey, dad can look at our team and he's all excited about that. He's like, Hey dad, look at our team. We're favored to win this week. All this stuff. I'm going to watch football with you and Kyle on Sunday. Like, great. So comes around. It's like nine 55 West coast time. Like, you're going to come out and watch football. So yeah, I'm going to be out there in one second. I'm just going to go on the trampoline. Comes in.

He's in for two minutes. Watches like two Baker Mayfield passes. He's like, I'll be right back. I never see him again. He's just gone the rest of the day. No interest in anything. Then comes back in and starts yelling at me because we also have Lamar Jackson,

who I didn't start because I started Baker Mayfield because that's the only football player my son's heard of other than everyone in the Patriots. And I'm like because I started Baker Mayfield because that's the only football player my son's heard of other than everyone in the Patriots. And I'm like, I started Baker Mayfield because that was the guy you were all excited about. You wanted Baker Mayfield. He's like, yeah, but dad, Lamar has five touchdowns. What are you doing?

What are you doing? You're so dumb. I'm like, you don't even watch football. You're not even out here. So now we're yelling at each other. And then he ends up not watching any football at all. And now he doesn't care about the fantasy team because we lost and we suck. And I picked a bad team and he doesn't want to be on my team anymore.

So that's it. He's going to end up stabbing you with that giant key. Well, and then the other thing is he has a Pats jersey that has his rap name on the back. Because I got Kyle the Flash Gordon jersey. So he got his melatonin jersey and then wouldn't wear that tonight because he was still mad about the fantasy team. Wow, bastard.

Yeah, because I didn't start Lamar Jackson. So Baker Mayfield basically turned the child off to sports, really, or off to football. All we needed to see was two Baker Mayfield passes. Well, what you realize is when we were growing up, all we want to do was watch sports with our dad, right? It was like, what was better than, oh yeah,

watch a game with my pops. They don't want to do that. They just want to watch a prank video on YouTube. Yeah. Can you imagine yelling at your father for starting something? Cracked outside the head so fast. Well, and then he's been researching his Halloween costume.

Who's the guy who's going to be Kyle? He's going to be this guy from. Is it a YouTuber? It's a YouTube video. That goes right in one ear out of my other. I don't know. And I'm like, who's that Zoe? And Zoe goes, he's this guy in Daniel Dobrik's video who he sleeps with all these girls and

smokes a lot of pot. So Ben thought it'd be funny to be him. And for Halloween, I'm like, that doesn't sound funny at all. Can he not do that? Oh, and then when Kyle came in today, Ben tried to stab him with his knife that plunges into him. I heard it was broken, so I wasn't on the lookout for it. I thought he was actually going to stab me. So he came at Ben with a knife and then it plunged in

and then it receded into itself because this was the $1 thing he bought. He's going kyle on his trophy case yeah that's gonna be the first i'm telling you he's you do character of the year every year this is gonna be the first child in character of the year i love it he also asked kyle today if kyle wanted the bb gun that he bought on amazon because he can't have it i got some you actually kind of need that yeah yeah so kyle's gonna take the bb Kyle, I might need it for defense. From bed. That's right.

All right. So that, that wraps up another exciting episode of parent corner sponsored by CarMax. CarMax rules out millions of cars with their vending process and select only the best to become CarMax certified with over 200 stores nationwide and more than 50,000 CarMax certified cars to choose from. They make it easy to find the perfect car

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What's the top story tomorrow? Patriots? Top story is I'm the king. I won this week. I pulled it out. Oh, man, you know me with those money line parlays. I had a six-teamer. Florida State, I needed to win in overtime.

I needed Michigan to win in overtime and Seattle to pull out that crap game in the fourth quarter. But yeah, that's the top story. I guess the top story has got to be Antonio Brown, right? How he affects the Raiders line. Well, you can bet a certain amount every week, right? You should just put all the money on the Pats to win the AFC East. You just could have won the show. Well, no, you have to do something that pays out every Sunday.

Oh, it has to pay out by the Sunday. Yeah, but that said, when you win the week, you get a free futures bet, and mine's going to be Patriots to win the Super Bowl. I'm just going to get the unpleasantness out of the way and do it, right? What else would you do? There's nothing else, right? I mean, you bitch about this all the time, and yet no team has made

you more money over the years. I'll have to look back, but yeah, you're probably right. Nobody's been more reliable than the New England Patriots for your wallet. Terrible. That's what they do. All right, the Cus, week one in the books. Looking forward to the two Monday night games tomorrow.

We love that second Monday night game. That's good. I love it. It's good. Who's it? It's going to be like Chris Berman's dog sitter calling a game. How did they do it? You didn't see the Dan and Keith on Friday night, did you? No,

I missed it. I was so bummed out that that was the night they picked. Like, who watches SportsCenter on Friday night? I wish they had done that on like Sunday night.

They should have done it tonight. No, I'm going to have to take a look. I know they had to do it on the exact birthday, but. Was it good? Did you see it?

I didn't see it. I was in, at a Metallica concert watching Enter Sandman and the puppets. Don't they know everyone's at Metallica on Friday? Yeah, they should have known. But no, I heard it was great, though.

I heard it was really, really good. Nice, we'll have to check it out. Yeah, so there you go. All right, anything else to plug? No, that's it. I guess Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight and every weeknight on ABC and all the January trifecta and I on Against All Odds Wednesday. Oh, yeah.

We will have a new producer. Yeah, what are you going to do? I think we go Jim Cunningham if it's alright. Did Jim Cunningham get called out of the bullpen? I think so. Jim Cunningham's always a good vote. There you go. Enter Jim Cunningham. Kyle, was it emotional?

I mean, I was getting... Kyle was sending me gifs all night. Oh, yeah. I didn't think they were going through, so sorry. No, yeah, no, I loved them. They're good ones. Those ones I sent you. Was it emotional, Kyle? Yeah, I think so.

Tate was employee number one at the ringer. He was the first one, huh? Yeah, I hired him in my driveway because he brought all my stuff from ESPN. After I left ESPN, I had all the stuff in my office, and they never gave it to me. And I kept asking. And finally, I said to Jacoby, like, hey, I need that stuff. There's some cool pictures.

So they had Tate bring the stuff. And I met Tate, and we talked in my driveway for 20 minutes. I was like, I like this kid. So I was like, when this ringer thing starts i'm hiring you and he ended up being my first podcast producer and he was the producer for i don't know for what two years two and a half years until kyle and then he ended up doing against all odds with titus and then he also joining podcast yeah it's all hats one shining podcast with uh i'm sorry it's late one shining podcast with titus he did gm street with lombardi and he was producing a whole bunch of pods so yeah we're gonna miss him yeah well we wish him we wish him a lot of

luck he's going into porn and i think he's gonna do a great job he's gonna be i think this he's in the right age he's gonna he's gonna act direct, and it's going to be great. Now, he'll tell everybody what he's doing when the time comes. We'll tell them before he tells them, just to screw them up. He'll still make appearances on Against All Odds every so often and stuff like that. For sure. All right, Sal, good job by you. Good job by you, buddy.

All right, thanks so much to ZipRecruiter.com. Don't forget to go to ZipRecruiter.com slash BS. Thanks to the Ryan Rosillo Show, which don't forget, it brings in Chris Long every Monday starting this week. Chris Long and Ryan Rosillo. Check that out. Subscribe to the Rosillo Podcast if you haven't already. I don't know why

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