The Bill Simmons Podcast - Detroit Survives, Week 1 Panic Rankings, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the Lions’ overtime win vs. the Rams, Tom Brady’s NFL broadcast debut, and Week 1 panic rankings, including the Falcons, Browns, Bengals, and more (2:12). Then they run through Week 1's "Nobody believes in us" rankings, including the Steelers, Patriots, and Chargers. They also talk Cardinals-Bills, Broncos-Seahawks, Packers-Eagles, and Dolphins-Jaguars (37:26) before guessing the lines for NFL Week 2 (1:00:54). Finally, they close the show with Parent Corner (1:23:24). Host: Bill Simmons Guest: Cousin Sal Producer: Kyle Crichton The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit www.rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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super happy with it. Opening an ice cold Miller Light can signal the beginning of Miller time. Miller Light is the light beer with all the great beer tastes we like. 90 calories per 355 mil can. So why not grab some Miller Lights today? Your game time tastes like Miller time. Must be legal drinking age. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. If you missed it on the Ringer NBA show podcast feed, we launched a little side project. We're doing a Ringer WNBA show because the season has really kicked into high gear. So we had to do it. Syrit Sohi is the host. It's going to be on Fridays and then maybe, you know, if the playoffs get interesting, maybe we'll do a little more than that, but keep an eye out for it on the Ringer NBA show.

Keep an eye out for the next Rewatchables too. I'm not sure if it's going up Monday night or Wednesday night, but when it does, it'll be one of those two nights. And you can watch a lot of the Rewatchables episodes and almost all of the new ones on the Ringer Movies YouTube feed. I hope, speaking of YouTube, that you watch the Ringer Sunday pregame show that we did for YouTube TV and FanDuel TV. It was a huge success.

JJ, Raheem, House, Sal, I stopped in for the last 25 minutes. It was right up there in the front of YouTube TV. We had a really good show. We had a lot of good picks. We're going to talk about a lot of the stuff we did picks-wise because we kind of did pretty well, or at least I did. But we're going to talk about a pretty wacky week one. Cousin Sal is here. We're going to break down everything that happened.

We're going to do Guest of the Lines. And by the way, on Sunday nights, every Sunday night, if you love listening to this podcast, you might want to watch us do it live as we're doing it because every Sunday night this season Cousin Sal and I on my YouTube channel the Bill Simmons channel we're just going live

right when we do the pod which is usually around 8.30 right maybe 5, 6, 7 minutes after the Sunday night game ends we're just going to do the recording live and hopefully none of us get fired so there you go Sal is next first our friends from Pearl Jet. We are live.

It is Sunday night. A lot of people don't know this, but when we do the BS podcast, Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal, live on YouTube, we get overtime games. Sal, who did you have? Just so I know what kind of mood you're in. I had the Rams plus the points, but I had them bigger on a teaser. But I just feel bad for the better team when they don't cover the spread, even though they don't care. The better team?

We're doing that after week one? No, they were the better team tonight. Why? You had the Lions? That was the wrong side, wasn't it? Well, it was 17-3. They're about to put the game away. And then all of a sudden, Rams score.

The Lions go punt. They go pick. They go punt. And the Rams just have all the the momentum and then somehow the Lions could get it back. I'm going to start here because we both had a lot of money on the Lions futures. I have them to win the Super Bowl. I have them for the one seed. I have them to win the NFC North. And all of that was tied into what happened last year with, you know, golf answered a lot of questions.

He was in some big spots, Dan Campbell, those guys, they've gotten the reps. And yet when we were here on a Sunday night and they were down, I didn't have a lot of faith in golf. I think that's a me problem, not a golf problem,

but I just didn't totally trust them. And even when they had to settle for the field goal, I just wasn't, it wasn't like it when they had to settle for the field goal, I just wasn't, it wasn't like it is with some other quarterbacks like Mahomes, even Lamar on Thursday night. And I think I have to get over that hump mentally with golf. Did that make sense? You don't believe in golf.

You're agnostic. What would that make you? If you don't, you don't believe in golf. I do believe in golf. I bet I'd like to think I'm a, I'm, I'm got friendly,

but there's just, there's that little stuff that happens with him in these tight games where I don't have the same faith in him that I have in some of the, you know, maybe top seven, eight guys. It's going to be very hard to not overreact to all how many games have we seen 15, right? So I, I'll, and this will last for about three minutes, but I'm going to try to keep everything in perspective. Is it possible the Rams who I was joking in the beginning, they're not the better team. They're probably not a top six team. Is it possible they just play great against the lions?

And is it possible they're just like the, uh, the Pernell Whitaker of football teams that are going to make you, they're going to make you look terrible no matter who you are better or worse. You know, let's school boxing with me? I did. We've only been live on YouTube for like three minutes. A little lefty. Why are we live, by the way?

What's your worst idea? Because this is worse than that. You were live this morning on our Sunday, Ringer Sunday pregame. You did fine. I know, but people are just waking up. They don't care. I had a missy afternoon game, so I got Botox because I don't like the way I look on YouTube, but all right, let's keep it going. We're live. Listen, this was a lot more

dangerous 20 years ago. We were on a text chain this weekend. We were talking about the first six months of our cousin Jimmy's show, which he was doing live. And he made the mistake of having you do staff updates live at nine Oh 6 at night, Pacific time or whatever it was. And you would come on and just air out different things that were going on with the staff. And people were absolutely terrified. And it didn't say it went badly and HR had to get involved a couple of times. You're right. It costs a few relationships and jobs and stuff like that. But, and here we are, didn't learn 20 years later, you're older, you're wiser. You've had some kids out with lions Rams. I felt the same way about that game I did about Chiefs-Ravens,

where it's like, these are two playoff teams. Either team can beat either team in different types of situations. I don't think anyone's dramatically better than the other. I guess with the Rams, the big question was, what are they going to look like without Aaron Donald? And they look pretty good. They got overpowered at the end. But I think Collinsworth's right.

When you're talking about week one, week two, week three, when these teams aren't really in shape yet, you know, you're going into overtime. These guys, nobody even plays the preseason anymore. So it's hard to say, oh, they got overpowered at the end, Sal. You know, I don't even, I didn't even watch the game. I just love being in Detroit with Mike, a Coney dog with a, you know, watching the Ford assembly line.

How they make those catalytic converters. It's astounding to me. It really is. You know, there's a bridge that goes right to Canada from here, Mike. You just go right over it and you're right in Canada. Listen, Collinsworth was one of the big winners today because, um, Tom Brady did the Browns Cowboys game and I love Tom Brady. He brought me six Superbowls. Let's just say he was a little raw, uh, to say the least. So when we got to Collinsworth a couple hours later,

Collinsworth seemed like he was Bradley Cooper and limitless compared to Brady. Like he was fucking spotting everything. He had jokes ready. Brady, I was just hoping he could get through sentences. It was a rough debut to say the least. I'm with you. I like Brady and I want him to succeed. I feel like he can easily succeed. Now there's a chance he's better as a studio guy, but yeah, man, there was some lulls that he was supposed to fill and he didn't. Yeah, long stretches of silence where it was like he was waiting for a replay or something.

And not even for drama. It was like, well, yeah, well, the ref sorted stuff out, and I don't know. It was just strange. But he'll be better, I think. Well, I wondered. He felt overprepared to me. Like he was trying to list, oh, now I'm going to go through

all the offensive linemen on the Browns. And it almost reminded me of the excuses after Biden's debate where they're like, he was overprepared. He had too much information. It's like, no, there was actually probably some other problems, too. In Brady's case, I think he was trying to do so many things and he was so overprepared. He forgot the part that it's like we're supposed to be hanging out watching a football game with Tom Brady. Like points and stuff out to Sean. The, the, the thing I care most about from Brady is the quarterback's perspective. The Sean was in an absolute nightmare in that game. And it's like,

walk us through what you're seeing. What's wrong with the Sean? Why is he not the same guy he was four years ago? What's, what's actually happening here. And I thought he would have been useful, but he wasn't. I think he was just happy. Like, you know, all right, let everyone focus on Deshaun's massive contract, 300 plus million and not mine. And,

uh, I won't bring it up. Uh, anything else we need to say about that Sunday night game with Rams lions? Like there wasn't a lot of St. Brown. There wasn't a lot of Laporta.

Um, the Jameson Williams, who I think was in some fantasy auctions, people were excited about him. He had some big plays. On the flip side, Nakua, who came into the season hurt, got hurt again, disappeared. And I think people were afraid of that.

But on the flip side of that, Cup was incredible. And Cup hit the point where it's like, can you just triple team him? Just let anybody else in the fourth quarter. Can you just put two guys on him? Because Stafford's going there every time. So Cup looks like he's back. The Rams, from what we saw from Friday night and then today,

the Rams are a playoff team. There's not six better NFC teams than them, I don't think. Oh, no, no. And you look at the quarterback play, and I think you guys, or Hench was getting mad on our text chain about the defense. I was like, well, the Rams had 20 going into overtime. Oh, no, no. And you look at the quarterback play, and I think you guys or Hench was getting mad on our text chain about the defense. I was like, well, the Rams had 20 going into overtime. They ended up with 20.

I was like, that was their expected point total. Actually, a shade less. So if you want to get on the Lions defense, that's fine. But sometimes the quarterbacks just make the throws. And Stafford had some third down conversions that were spectacular, you know? He was the best player in that game. They're going to be gamers.

They should get to 10 wins. I forget. Maybe it was Shio Kapadia. One of the ringer guys threw out Stafford for MVP. It was like 30-1. Wow. I mean, now they lost today, so that's not helping the MVP case, but it is when you watch him

play a game like that. You're like, this is clearly one of the best 10 or 12 guys in the league, but he took a lot of hits. We'll see if, uh, we'll see how he lasts. All right. So we have some stuff planned for this.

It's week one, which means we have to do the panic rankings. And I think they're not even the panic rankings. They're the absolute sheer sphincter tightening pack, panic ratings, rankings. And, uh,

I have Atlanta number one, unless is there a team? I didn't want to do a draft. Is there a team you would put over Atlanta? And can we get into Atlanta right now? We can get into Atlanta, but I only think because of where they are, it's not panic time. Now I know the Saints look really good

and the Bucks look really good. And one I know the Saints look really good and the Bucs look really good. And one of those teams may actually be good. But I don't want to panic just yet. But if I had a mulligan, are we going to do a mulligan separately? Let's do that separately. So you would have somebody over Atlanta for panics? Yeah.

Yeah, I would have the Browns. Okay, let's start with the Browns then. Because I had them 1A, 1B. So the Browns, we argued about this when we did the AFC over-unders. You were over on the Browns. I was under. And I really only had Deshaun Watson as my reason.

I was like, I just, I'm completely out. I don't see it. I don't think he's salvageable. There's no evidence that the guy from the last Houston season is coming back. He was way worse than whatever I said on that podcast. He was a disaster. And the fans were booing. You must have been absolutely delighted. I mean, that was like the dream Dallas day for you. We could talk about them later, but I just don't know what their moves are with Deshaun. His body language is awful.

His footwork's terrible. There's plays, there was a couple of plays today where they had perfect protection for him in the pocket and he would just scramble out anyway, Zach Wilson style and just kind of create a dangerous situation for himself. There was one play in the second half, like three Browns linemen were all like, why are you going that way? We all blocked our guys. Why'd you go this way? He doesn't seem salvageable to me, Sal. I think you're right. And now when I pick the Browns over, I mentioned Jameis Winston a lot. And I mentioned the fact that they had five quarterbacks and they could do it with five quarterbacks again this year if they could find their flack or maybe he's out there.

And I don't know if it's the YouTube thing, why we're getting so political, but this is a second Joe Biden reference. Is it possible the Browns, this is a Biden thing where they knew he was bad, but they're fully invested. And today was a debate and he crapped himself. And now they have to make a decision. This is a very weak. So they threw him out for the debate, basically. And let's just say it didn't go well. Right. I looked at some of the numbers. Do you know what his cap with his dead cap hit is next year? Is it 90? Something like that. It's 172 million. That would be if they waive them because all the money and all the extra bonuses would all get

thrown into one year. That's bad. So they kind of have to stick this out for two, three more weeks, but worst case scenario, you're just doing what Denver did with Russell Wilson and you're eating it because their teams, I don't think, I don't think it's a bad team. I think it's, they have above average talent. Chubb's coming back in week five and, uh, and he killed them today and that's it. That's what happened in that game. Well, let's, let's do flip side now, right? Maybe we're overreacting. Although I do think it's number one in the panic may, or maybe they ran into a buzzsaw that would just crush anyone today. The Cowboys who stopped playing offense basically in the second quarter and still won

33, 17. And by the way, I was all set to apologize for leaving Guest of Lines last week with our audience thinking Dallas was favored by two and a half when it was really the Browns. Which is a cancelable offense. I should be bagging That was one of our biggest Guest of Lines mistakes we've ever had, I think. Really bad. Really bad. You've got to get

a nephew to produce this and jump on us when something like that happens. I don't know. But Fandles should end up apologizing for not making the Cowboys a two and a half point favorite. That was complete domination. So maybe, maybe this is an outlier. You look good.

And I mean, we'll keep going with the panic rankings, but I mean, to start the day with the DAC contract, you had to have just been. So was this all for show? Is this a little showmanship from our guy, Jerry? Like, oh, we just, you know what?

On September 7th, we just decided, hey, maybe we're closer with these numbers than we thought. Did they know this was going to happen six weeks ago? Is that why Dak didn't really say anything? And is this Jerry's way of being like, I'm going to own week one. We're going to happen six weeks ago. Is that why Dak didn't really say anything? And is this Jerry's way of being like, I'm going to own week one. We're going to beat the Browns. I have my signed quarterback.

And everyone's going to be talking Cowboys on Monday. Yeah, I think, well, it was different, like with a CD lamb who wasn't showing up. But I think, and Romo confirmed this when I talked to him last week. He's like, there's a little, you know, there's a little deviance to this whole thing. But Jerry kind of knows what he's doing. He's saving money in the meantime.

And these guys could get hurt during the week. Russell Wilson had the starting job and got hurt during the week. So the later you let these guys go without playing meaningful downs, the better. So, yeah, he's a genius, except for having not won a Super Bowl in 30 years. Well, you had, you know, I always compared Dak to Cousins. I think this was the day Dak kind of ascended over Cousins because Cousins was so bad. Cousins might be moving to a different point in his career.

Dak got paid. Dak is now the highest priced QB in the league. I have a, this isn his career. Dak got paid. Dak is now the highest-priced QB in the league. This isn't on Fandle yet. I don't know why, but I think it's going up tomorrow. I have a worst trade ever line with Deshaun Watson versus Bryce Young. There's been some movement. Oh, wow.

Deshaun is now minus 140 as the worst NFL trade ever over the Bryce Young trade. I don't know if you saw Bryce Young 13 for 30 with two picks and just a completely devastating loss to a New Orleans team that might not even be good. But I think the Deshaun trade is still worse.

Did that go up today? I'll ask them to put it up even though it's hypothetical and there's no way to bet on it. Yeah, the odds went up today because Deshaun was that bad. Yeah, okay. I see. Yeah, I'm with you. I don't know. You can't go making Derek Carr

looking good like that. Whatever, do that Derek Carr, Dennis Smith combination. That's really a Dennis Allen combination. Can't do it. I guess the good thing for them was Caleb, at least, didn't play that great. Alright, so panic rankings. Cleveland 1A and Atlanta 1B.

You seem a little more willing to work with the Falcons and make excuses for them than I am. I thought House and I were, this is one of our favorite picks, the Pittsburgh defense, just to win this game. So we actually hit it. But the big thing was like, do we have any evidence that Cousins, who was a 500 quarterback for the last few years of his career, who then has an Achilles injury, who's hitting the last part of his mid thirties, who hasn't played for 10 months, what was he going to look like against a pretty frenetic,

rabid defense? And the answer was horrific. Yeah. I'm not going to argue with you. I mean, but the Steelers also might be one of those teams that make you look bad. I mean, the Steelers, Falcons, that game is going to be 12-10 in the fourth quarter. That's the kind of games they play all the time against other teams. So of course, they play each other like that. Yeah. Cousins definitely needed to be better. But let's remember, we did say that Atlanta maybe jump on them to win the division if they're 0-3 or 1-2. Yeah, so we're kind of

getting it how we want it. But out of the skill, like Drake London did nothing. A lot of these guys just didn't show up. And maybe it is Cousins' fault, but they should be able to shut down Bijan. Yeah, we talked about this scenario about how dumb it was to bet Atlanta before the season. Now, they're a favorite in the Pittsburgh game.

They're playing at Philly next week, and then they're home for KC in week three. And that's a legitimate 0-3 potential. I'm sure they weren't expecting Pennix to be a conversation heading into week two. Now, it was interesting. We were in a couple of fantasy auctions together, and Pennix

got drafted in both of them. One was a keeper league, which made more sense, but the other one, he also got, he, I'm in three leagues, he got drafted in two of the three.

And, you know, the Cousins thing, maybe it ends up like, Cousins just doesn't have it in the same way. I know it's way too early to tell, but at least like

they could say, see, this is why you can't have it in the same way. I know it's way too early to tell, but at least they could say, see, this is why you can't have enough quarterbacks. This is why we took the number eight. They could do that. Right. I wonder if the GM is high-fiving someone because he did blow the 10x pick. Yeah. I told you we needed this.

What do we make of Arthur Smith? Did he matter? He didn't matter for the Steelers leaving, but he didn't also didn't help. I don't know. He definitely wasn't good with Atlanta, but he didn't really help the Steelers. Well, if you're going to pick any team this

week, like some team this week will win 18 to 10 and all their points will be on field goals. That's Pittsburgh. There's no question. Cousins had two picks, but I watched that game pretty closely. There was two other plays when Watt, I mean, Watt was unbelievable today,

but he actually should have had two more turnovers. There was, they called offsides on Watt where it was really dicey and he was absolutely furious. He was yelling at the refs for a while. And then they had another one where there was a fumble they recovered, but they called some like kind of dubious hands to the face on a D-back. But so somehow it was actually worse if you watch the game, the Cousins performance and the stats. Yeah. Yeah. They call it the Kirk Cousins game. You should have five,

but you end up with two. Does Pittsburgh have the best defense in the league or am I nuts? Yeah, I think when those guys are healthy, you could get used to the other team not passing midfield a lot, for sure. I thought Watt was out of control. The guys that jumped out of the TV, Watt, your guy, Parsons, Miles Garrett a little bit, but then once Dallas had a big lead, it was harder for him to do it. But those were the three. Well, also the quarterbacks in general, and I don't know why I'm surprised by this.

Just not, you don't see, I think there were four guys who threw for over 200 yards or something today. It really wasn't that much. And some got there by accident. Well, I do wonder with the lack of a preseason, are we just going to get sloppy? You know, the Jacksonville-Miami game,

I thought in particular, which we'll talk about. We'll take a quick break for the podcast. We're going to stay here on YouTube and come back and finish the panic rankings. Well, we just had a great NFL weekend. We're capping it off with 49ers Jets on Monday night. Fandles giving you another chance to start the season with a big return on America's number one sports book.

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Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. This episode is brought to you by Prime Video. You know me, I can't go a day without sports. I really can't. And now Monday nights are all about hockey. That's right. There's a new exclusive home for streaming Monday night NHL hockey, and it's on Prime. All season long, watch Prime Monday Night Hockey deliver unreal plays, the biggest goals, can't miss moments. Matthews, McDavid, Crosby, the NHL's best. They're all on Prime. Prime Monday Night Hockey. It's on Monday. It's on Prime. So my number three panic team, Cincinnati. They were awful. And Kyle, I watched a game with

Nephew Kyle and I was just out on this Pat season. I didn't see a path for them to have even four wins. Kyle is a glass half full, optimistic guy. Came in wearing a defensive jersey because he's like, we're going to have to do it with defense this year.

They played a really good game. And the Bengals, I think, were even worse than the good game the Pats played. And it was just this perfect storm of events. The Pats went 16-10. They did everything right. They didn't turn the ball over. Their offensive line, they were running on the right side. Their right side was actually blocking for Romandre.

Romandre was great. He was breaking tackles. And then defensively, he can't wait at two and a half sacks, like stepped right into Judon. They were getting pushed from their front line. Their safeties were flying around. They were tackling.

They were really playing for each other. They just played really well. They only scored 16, but they were good. And since he was awful. And I don't know what this means long-term for Cincy, but Burrow does not seem like he wants to throw the ball deep. That was, first of all, you should apologize to me

for what I thought about your team, what would happen, and about my team. And the other teams, I was probably wrong about the other 30 or whatever. But I told you, plus 7.5. I told you that was the way to go. The Bengals always crap. Oh, look at Rowdy Roddy. Look at that.

Rowdy Roddy for our first live YouTube. You were right. The Bengals always, always crap the bed. I didn't think they were going to score 10, but maybe Zach Taylor should sit out week one. I mean, maybe isn't he a better week four through 15 coach? That guy is never ready to start the season. Plus, Jamar Chase is like, yeah, all right, I'll go it's like a spouse you know he decided to play at the last minute

yeah it's like you go to a party with your wife or your wife goes with you and she doesn't want to go you could tell like oh that person doesn't want to be there and burrow had a deal with this and they couldn't get more than 10 it's disgusting we called it in the ringer pregame show. Yeah. This was the fishy game. I had, unfortunately, I had money on it from, you know, 10, 14 days ago, but there was going to be no more on this. It was the clear eliminator pick.

It was the clear, throw them in every parlay tease. You asked me what the fishy tease, what the sexy teaser was. Seattle, Cincinnati, and they almost lost. Seattle. And Seattle, like,

was trailing at one point. Are the Pats sneaky good or are the Bengals sneaky bad, if you had to pick one? I think they're both fourth place teams. And I think the Patriots are going to pull off a few more upsets. I don't know if they'll win more games, but you're going to be like, oh, wow, they had it in them. Look at that. Yeah, I don't know.

Brissette's fine. I told you there's no 200-yard passers. Brissette's fine. Didn't throw the ball more than like seven, eight yards. It's okay. Didn't turn it over really. I do feel like when teams watch the game tape, they're going to be going, oh, they only run the ball right and then just throw quick five-yard passes.

We could probably figure out how to stop this. But, I mean, you can't ask for much more from a new coach game. I was really... I mean, the last preseason game was so bad. The offensive line stuff all through training camp was so bad. I was really prepared for the worst.

And they caught this thing. It was a good game plan. Does he deserve the Gatorade? It's your Super Bowl. Does he deserve the Gatorade? You win your first game. Does he deserve the Gatorade? You win your first game. I'm not against it. Burrow had zero TDs. They had one 20-plus yard catch

in the game, the Bengals. And Chase, Christian Gonzalez was on him a lot and did a pretty good job on him, but it was a nice win for the Pats. So there, as the winless team, we talked about, I thought it was going to be the Pats versus whoever lost this Minnesota Giants game. Yeah.

And then the Giants, who I don't think get to, they aren't good enough to be in the panic rankings. You already lost $50,000 in our futures thing. I know I'm down 50 grand. I know. That's a lot. That's a lot to some people. Well, here's the thing with the Bengals though,

because we think the AFC is going to be good and it might even be seven seed, might be 10 wins. That's kind of on the schedule. You have to win the Pats game at home, right? You have the extra home game. You got nine home, eight away. And it's like the Pat, you have to start out 1-0. So now, you know, they got to go 10-6 the rest of the way.

I didn't like what I saw from them, and it didn't seem like they could run the ball as well as they did the last couple of years. It didn't seem like their line was that great. I thought the defensive pressure, it wasn't like they were in Brissette's face. I was not impressed. Okay, next one.

I mean, this happened Friday night, but would you put Green Bay in the top five for the panic rankings? Yeah, I just don't know what you'd do. I mean, I'm Friday night, but would you put Green Bay in the top five for the panic rankings? Yeah, I just don't know what you'd do. I mean, I'm looking at, like, can they survive the next four weeks? You know, let's say it's four weeks. They have Richardson, at Levis, whatever, Darnold, and at Stafford. But if your answer is Malik Willis, who wasn't even holding the ball right in the picture that the team posted when he was traded to the team,

he didn't have one finger on a lace, which is very, very difficult. You think that was a problem? It was a problem when we saw it. And he was like, screw this. I'm not throwing this hell, Mary. This could be embarrassing. It's like if we gave the football to Jeff Ross

and Jeff Ross was like, hey, it's a football. And they have no idea what to do with it. He would roast it and toss it aside. Yeah, he would have no idea. So what do you do? Is Tannehill going to help them win games? I guess it's better. Bailey Zappi? He would roast it and toss it aside. Yeah, he would have no idea. So what do you do? Is Tannehill going to help them win games? I guess it's better.

Bailey Zappi? What's the panic? Could you get one of those Browns guys? Don't the Browns have four quarterbacks? All the other guys are better than what Green... You can't start Malik Willis. I know. If I'm the Packers, I can't start out 0-5 or 1-4.

You have to at least get to 2-3 before Love gets back. You might be able to get nine wins for the seventh seed, but you just have to make sure you don't tank the entire month of September, which they would with Mike Wills. He's not a professional quarterback.

The Browns need Jameis. They need him themselves, right? Yeah, but don't they still have Dorian Thompson-Robinson? Yeah, they have DTR. Yeah. You know, they showed the graphic of the 38 Browns starting quarterbacks since 1999, and it filled the whole screen.

It was 38 names. Really? That's sweet. And I saw Deshaun Kaiseraiser and i think that was my favorite sound nickname kaiser kaiser so say everybody gets kaiser so say every week i really missed that guy we got rich off that guy that was nice yeah he was great so you would have green bay higher than four would you put him for no i guess four is about right i just don't know what the um i guess you just have to sit there and panic. I don't know what the solution is. Because their weapons look good in that game.

Yeah. Defensively, as you're in Brazil, the turf was crazy. The Eagles played really well. I think the Eagles answered some questions we had about, is Kellen Moore going to be different for them? Is Barkley going to be different for them? Are they going to look different? Are they Is Barkley going to be different for them? Are they going to look different? Are they going to have a different kind of mojo?

Like when you consider they had three, two awful turnovers, right? And, and then they get stuffed near the goal line. And I mean, it's just the fact that they won pretty easily anyway by five with all the things that went wrong for them. I thought it was impressive. Barkley looked great for them too.

He looked really good. I hate that that's going to work out for them. The. I thought it was impressive. Barkley looked great for them too. He looked really good. I hate that that's going to work out for them. The only thing was the tush push by the goal line didn't pan out. Right, that one didn't work. Didn't really matter. But it could lead us to your number five. I mean, I can't imagine this one could be any lower than five for the panic. Who do you have?

I mean, it has to be Carolina, right? Oh, I thought we'd mentioned Carolina. No, I just think there was some Carolina buzz. And it's like, I'd pick them in our picks poll. I would never bet on them. Raheem in our wise wager today. You guys went around and Raheem's wise pick was Carolina. It's like, this is ambitious.

They were 2-15 last year. I kind of want to see them play a game. Sometimes it's wise to tank the first wise wager and make people think you're laying down. It's true. Maybe that's what he did. But so I had Steven Ruiz from the ring around a couple weeks ago, who's also a Panthers fan. And I asked him for five hottest takes. And one of his takes was that Bryce Young was going to get benched during the season. And I was like, whoa, that's a great one. Like, I'm jealous of how good that take is. And from what we saw today, we are right on path for the Bryce Young benching.

I don't know what that team's supposed to do. But, you know, let's just people beware. And, you know, maybe they won't turn out 2-15. But maybe they will and they'll actually be able to cash in on their number one pick this year where they weren't last year. But you don't have to bet a team over 6.5 that won two games the year before. You just don't have to do it because they got a little more exciting. I thought Bryce Young had way more than two interceptions.

I'm looking at this now, 13 for 30, only a two. Well, he started each half with an interception. That's right. I don't know if he's going to do that all season. He might have announced that privately to his teammates. Well, only a two. Well, he started each half with an interception. That's right. Which I don't know if he's going to do that all season. He might have announced that privately to his teammates. Well, it got better. The first play of the first half was interception. The second play of the second half was interception.

If it had gone to overtime, maybe it could have waited to the third play. So it was an improvement. I'm very proud to announce that I did not watch a single play of that game. Really? Yeah. I just I just decided, uh, that we would concentrate on six of the eight games. There's eight games in the early slate. I didn't want to do red zone where you're constantly getting, we're trying to watch six TVs at once.

And, uh, and I punted on that one and I punted on Minnesota giants. Cause I was just like, one of those two teams is going to be horrible. and I'll just find out after which one was horrible. And it turned out it was the Giants. But you did a nice job. You put the four games. They were all good games, right? Yeah, they were. You had your own four box.

What was it? Tennessee, Chicago, I wouldn't say we'll be telling our grandkids about it, but it was entertaining. I might be. I might be. I'm like, hey, you know why you live in a $30,000 house? Because Grandpa Sal bet the freaking Titans plus four and a half

and somehow they blew it. Otherwise, things would have been better. You had. I mean, what was there? There was a punt block. There was a kick return. And then Levis just falling down, just flinging it to somebody for the pick six.

And they get the two point. It was 17-16 Titans. They're plus five and a half, and now all of a sudden they're not even covering. I have a stat here. They led the game 17-0 and lost 24-17, failing to cover the spread. Dogs have four more to lead by 17 at any point,

or 66-1 against the spread in the last five years. How many other teams had Will Levis? Hopefully not even this one next week. Any point or we're 66 and one against a spread in the last five years. I mean, that's hopefully not even this one next week. Like that's not a panic team for sure. But that, what was he thinking with that shovel pass? That was disgusting. It had to pass three bears before it got to his receiver.

He was 19 for 32 for 127 yards. It's like basically 4.1, a pass. He pick six the bears got 11 first downs and they somehow won 2.8 yards per per play the bear and uh and they won the game you know for the for the smart people in tennessee who thought they could improve on mike vrabel they had two huge special teams mistakes and their quarterback did some dumb shit who did you have for number five in the panic rankings if it wasn't carolina and Mike Vrabel. They had two huge special teams mistakes and their quarterback did some dumb shit. Who did you have for number five in the panic rankings

if it wasn't Carolina? Well, the Giants are miserable. I mean, I think they're one too. Can the Giants even panic about it? Like, if you're a Giants fan,

are you like, oh my God, I can't believe we're this bad. Like, this is coming down the highway at 10 miles an hour. I think it's more, yeah,

I guess. It's Joe Shane and Mike Dable, I think, are passing. But all these guys are Brian Dable. All these guys are going to get... Why can't I get anyone's name right? Because you've been doing TV and pods for 15 hours. Mike Dable, his brother, he's in trouble, Bill. I'm telling you.

I do think we're... Shane, after the Barkley thing and at McKinney, he had an interception the other day and Danny Dimes is getting screamed at in those terrible uniforms, which looks like they lost a fantasy bet and had to wear like it was a lot wrong with the Giants. They were the most embarrassing, I think. Yeah, they're one of those teams that I'm not sure being home means they have a home field advantage. Yeah. That clip that went around all week about the GM explaining, you know, Barkley goes, he goes, and the Maris are there.

And he's like, I'm just going to tell you, I'm going to be really upset if he leaves and goes to wherever. Like, if this doesn't work out, I'm going to hold. It was like the godfather. I'm going to hold some of the people in this room accountable. That guy should panic. That's what I'm saying. Listen, everyone's getting fired on the Giants and we're on Belichick Watch.

Right. He's on five different shows and podcasts and what not. I hope all of these people have contingency plans for Belichick, like taking the Giants job in week seven. Yeah, especially when the Patriots are 6-0 and he's going to be like, enough of this. I got to get back in the game. I have one more for the sheer panic rankings week one.

Marvin Harrison, fantasy owners. One catch for four yards. He was going for like 32, 33 bucks in these auctions. There was just massive bidding wars. He was being treated like he was one of the nine or 10 best receivers in these options. There was just massive bidding wars. He was being treated like he was one of the 9 or 10 best receivers in the league. Not only did he only have one catch, he actually dropped

a really important catch in the second half because he wasn't even really involved in the game, but he had a big play over the middle and dropped it and just looked totally rookie. Meanwhile, Thomas on Jacksonville was awesome. Not only did he have a touchdown, but he caused

a big pass interference. He got a 50-yard pass interference too, which of course doesn't count for fantasy. I thought he looked like the best rookie receiver today. I didn't see the neighbors game. Best rookie overall? I'm not going to go defensively. Jared Burst was wide open.

Jared Burstyn was good on the Rams. He was good. He had that big sack at the end of the half. But they, yeah, Harrison was wide open the last drive. And that gives you a little insight. It's like Kyle O'Murray was just done with him by then. Like, yeah, and I'm not even looking at that. You're out of my purview right now.

But yeah, well, I think we overrated the rookies at least for week one. If you look at it, Stroud didn't have a good week one either last year. 220 yards interception. We should remember that. It was in pencil and I erased it, but Chicago was in the sheer panic rankings and then they ended up

actually winning. It was not an awesome game for them. I think if they had punted to Caleb Williams up 17-0 every time they had the ball, I don't think that guy was going to take him 20 drives. He was terrible. He was terrible. 14 for

29, 93 yards. Some of those, can we just call them the Zach Wilsons now when the guy panics and rolls to his right and just flings it? I like it. One out of every seven throws was pretty nice, but he missed dudes like he had Keenan Allen wide open going down on a touchdown,

missed them. And they had 11 first downs and they somehow, somehow got the win. Let's, let's take one more break for the podcast and then we'll hit the rest of the games. New guest lines. So let's take one more break for the podcast and then we'll hit the rest of the games through guest lines. This episode is brought to you by Movember.

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RBC has helped millions of young Canadians turn their most likelies into most definitelys, making their ideas happen with scholarships, internships, and skill development, plus resources for artists and athletes. Learn more at rbc.com slash support youth. So some other stuff, the nobody believes in us rankings. I have, I have our week one top four Pittsburgh has to be number one, right? They carried themselves that whole game. Like,

I can't believe you guys thought we were fourth place team. They're the first place team in the AFC North right now. They're a little like Dr. House, right? Oh, who's the, the,

the, or, you know, Quincy. No, no, not Joe house. I'm going to get this first name.

Right? No, but like the, the, I, or Quincy. No, no, not Joe house. I'm going to get this first name, right? No, but like the, the, the, I told you so team, like, yeah,

why don't you believe us after all these years? We're going to make, we're going to knuckle ball our way to make this close. And we're going to beat you with six field goals. Doesn't happen every game. And by the way, why didn't you remind me? Simmons Steelers lose first half Steelers win the game.

It freaking hit. And I just had so much shit Come on. Where were you? We had so much shit going on, I forgot all about it. You're literally on a 90-minute pregame gambling show. No, it needs to be three hours. Oh my God. They should name that thing after you. Falcons had 10 points.

Their longest pass was 20 yards. They only had 226 yards total offense. The D was awesome for Pittsburgh. But the bonus was Fields was pretty good. He fumbled the first snap of the game. No more turnovers or any weird stuff from him. He hit pickings on a couple of long ones. He had a couple of big scrambles and he was like, he's not the reason they won, but he didn't lose the game for them. And I got to say, he made a couple of plays.

He's a little more unpredictable than Russell Wilson. I thought he was okay. Is someone whispering to him like, yeah, you go 17 for 23, a buck 50, a little more. Don't throw any touchdowns, but please don't throw any interceptions. And we're going to win nine or 10 games. Just do that for us. I think that's where he is. Yeah.

Just take off when you're under pressure. Just keep the ball on the sidelines. Don't throw it in traffic. But I thought he, I actually liked how he played. So that's number one. Number two, I think, would be New England, who we covered. For nobody believes in us. I think the Chargers are three.

Yeah. You had the Raiders in that one. It was a weird game. There were some Raiders injuries on the defensive line during the game. It looked like the Chargers couldn't do anything. And then as the game went along, they started running the ball. Dobbins, who looks like he's running like a 5-2-40,

but broke away a couple times. Tate Frazier was there, our friend. Apparently a Chargers season ticket holder. He said it was 70% Raiders fans. It did not matter. Chargers ran 27 times for 176 yards, and they end up winning. But that's not what I want to talk about.

Although, there are some nobody believes in us energy because nobody, they're over under his eight and a half. You know, not a lot of people pick in the playoffs. Antonio Pierce, the Raiders non-interim coach. No one believes in him. They're down six. There's like six minutes left in the game and they're on

the Chargers 40. And it was like fourth and five, fourth and three. I can't remember. What was it? It was fourth and one? Yeah. Yeah. Fourth and one from the 43. They punted. Yeah. Fourth and one from the 43. They punted. They punted.

Yeah. And it will be the worst punt we see all year. Nobody will beat that. It was an absolute disgrace. I can't believe this guy who's like, Raiders way. Right. We're bringing the toughness back. And he's like, I'm going to fucking punt with six minutes left. Unbelievable.

Couldn't believe it. He did it last year, too. There's an account on Twitter, a surrender index or something. I'm not going to do it justice. Yeah, that surrender thing. Right. And in this situation, it had a surrender index of 131.72. This punt ranks as the 100th percentile of cowardly punts of the 2024 season

and the 99th percentile of all punts since 1999 where do you like your surrender index to be with your head coach in the 115s 120s from 131.72 100 is pretty uh so basically you can't do you can't do worse than that punt no i can't get the 101 i'm pretty sure sure. If he punted from the opponent's 20-yard line or something, but I don't think he'd have a job. It's weird to say a week one game was a loser leaves town match, but I do feel like whoever won that game was going to be like, oh my God, they're going to be the seventh seed,

and whoever lost was just going to go into an abyss. But the Chargers, Herbert didn't even really play that well. But when he needed to make a couple throws, Ladd McConkie made a couple plays for him. Maybe he was the best rookie. Yeah, there's always receivers that can make a couple plays at least. So I had them number three.

I'm just starting to realize you might have lost bets today. No, I did okay. I didn't do bad. I mean, that Titans thing is, I should be happy, right? My Cowboys won. Yeah, it just killed me. It was just insulting.

But it was good to get mad at the TV again. It had been a while. Weren't you yelling? It was good to scream at the players. I was really mad during the Lions game. I didn't understand why the Rams were coming back. It's like, you guys should be the one seed and prohibitive favorite in the NFC. I was really mad during the Lions game. I didn't understand why the Rams were coming back. It's like, you guys should be the

one seed and prohibitive favorite in the NFC. What are you guys doing, Lions? Right. The only other nobody believes in us,

Tampa, New Orleans, or both. Tampa, I thought, had a little of the energy. They were only getting three and a half points at home, or giving,

against Washington with a rookie QB and the worst defense, I think, probably in the league. And Baker really poured it on. At the same time, Deshaun is imploding in Cleveland, which was kind of a funny dichotomy.

But, you know, Tampa, everybody was looking for, we all see the same stuff where it's like, you know, six playoff teams from the year before don't make it. So you got to knock out three in each conference and you just go through the NFC. It was like, well, Tampa, I'm knocking them out. I'll put an Atlanta and everyone just knocked Tampa out. Their over under was seven and a half. Yeah. We weren't excited about them when we talked about them, but their offense looked good. And Godwin looked really good in the game today. It's funny. Cause a lot of times when we did the over under wind totals, we, you shouldn't look at the playoffs so much because it doesn't factor in.

But we totally disregarded Tampa. I know that wasn't a 500 team, but they made it to the playoffs. They handed the Eagles head to them. Baker was an exciting player. And this Mike Evans, I know we don't want to put him in our top three receivers right now, but he's playing like it's a contract year every single year. Coming up with 50-50 balls where he's getting elbows in the face mask. It's craziness. They're fun to watch.

My number one favorite future was that NFC South will have under 30 wins. And they got two today. But from what we've seen, if Carolina wins three games, it's going to be a miracle. I don't feel like that's an overreaction. They're terrible. Can I tell you what I realized was a problem with that under 30 wins? What?

They all play each other. Unless you're going to root for a tie every time. Tampa plays New Orleans and Carolina plays Atlanta. But they play six games total against each other. So that's just three wins, right? Is that how it goes? Two, four, six, eight. Hey, we're doing math. I can't do math live.

Doing math live on YouTube. So you want to do mulligans? What's your mulligan? Well, let's do one player and one team. My Kirk Cousins comeback player of the year. It has to go by the wayside. You're tossing it aside

okay is that your player yeah that's my player you want to do your your player or should I do my team I'm not I'm not willing to give up

on Trevor Lawrence yet that was a weird game but I didn't like and there was pass interference yards he didn't get yeah so I wouldn't put him

um he didn't get. Yeah. So, I wouldn't put him. Um, at TN on, on Jacksonville. Yeah. Bigsby looked really good in that game. ETN was going for like 40 bucks. He's on two of my teams.

He was, he was being treated like an RB7, RB8, RB9. Uh, he continues to turn the ball over and do dumb shit. And Bigsby behind him looked really good. And that

one, I think, that would be my regret. I wish I didn't have so much track stock. Yeah, two of my three leagues. That would be mine. What do you have for a team? My team, I mean, I could pick the Browns or the Raiders. They were disasters today. You should pick the Browns. I would, I could pick the Browns or the Raiders. They were disasters today. I would advise you to pick the Browns.

No, they're going to have a different quarterback. You're going to see a guy's going to come in with a mask. It's going to be like old time wrestling. I'll tell you what, I'm going to say the Lions only because I have them to do so great. I have them as a one seed. I have them as the longest undefeated team. I have them as the most wins.

I have Ben Johnson as assistant of the year. I'd like to cut back on a little of that if anybody wants to buy it. You'd like to offload some Lions action? A little bit. I still have him for the Super Bowl, but I may have gotten overly excited about him. I wish I had picked Tampa, not Atlanta,

to win the division. Really? Atlanta checks so many boxes of, don't fall for this. It's a lot of shiny new toys and a lot of new people. And meanwhile, their first round pick, they took somebody who doesn't start. It's the eighth pick in the draft,

which they could have, even Jared Verse or Murphy on Seattle, they could have taken any of those guys. Just had a really good defensive guy who could add a presence today. Their third round pick got hurt. He's out for the year. Um, new coach. Like it just, it seemed too easy.

A GM who seems like he might be kind of a dope the way he tried to explain the cousins Penix thing and then signing Simmons and Jude on where it's like, we have these guys, they're named guys, but maybe they're like a year. They just, and then everybody was on them. Like the odds moved big and there was just a lot of red flags. And I was like, I just didn't want to take anyone else in the division. But if I had to mulligan and I would take Tampa. That's fair. Well, what's the odds? You still get plus odds for that, right? Forget the mulligan, just take the Tampa Bay. But I never bet on Atlanta. I just, I picked, I picked it. Oh, just as a pick. I'm not, Bay. But I never bet on Atlanta. I picked it.

Just as a pick. The only bets I had on that division were shorts. A couple more games. Bill's Cardinals played out exactly like we were all thinking, where the Cardinals offense was going to put up some points. We thought there might be some scenario where Kyler had

the ball near the end, trying to either get a cover or be in there. They took a big lead and then the Bills basically just took over. Do you know how many 10 plus plays Arizona gave up today against Buffalo? 10 plus plays. Plays that got at least 10 yards. Six? 14. Wow. That's bad. That's bad. Wow. Was I not watching that game? That. Wow. That's bad. That's bad.

Wow. Was I not watching that game? That's crazy. Arizona and Washington, I thought, had two awful defenses. Yeah. But Arizona has a lot of talent on offense and moved the ball and kind of stuck around in that game. And I got to say, I thought that was pass interference at the end.

Yeah. I just thought that they call that all day, every day when we watch football. And for some reason, the guy wasn't looking. He had swung his arm in the receiver's chest and it wasn't a call. But I thought Arizona could have stole the game. Russo was awesome for Buffalo. People were wondering who's going to be their front seven maniac. Andousseau was awesome for Buffalo. People were wondering like, who's, who's going to be, you know,

their front seven maniac. And it turned out it was him, but I didn't love what I saw from the bills. What'd you think? No, it's different, right? We're not used to,

we're used to like Gabe Davis and Stefan digs. I think he hit nine receivers or nine pass catchers for 10 yards or more, which is another weird 10 yard stat. So, and that Keon Coleman, I guess that was one of the better rookie standouts, went for 51 yards. So they're spreading it out. They ran

on the ground. They were okay, 130 yards. But it might be a case where Arizona just has a bad defense, and it took Buffalo a minute to get started. But yeah, for sure, they could have thrown that. We've seen that a million times flagged. The worst thing, and I missed a couple games because I didn't watch that Giants-Minnesota and I watched the Carolina game,

but Washington and Arizona, I thought were the two worst defenses I saw today. Washington's defense is awful. And that was ultimately why I really wanted to pick them to make the playoffs tonight. I just couldn't get there with them. A couple more games. Seahawks-Broncos.

Seahawks come back and win. Seattle's offensive line looks really iffy. I have a lot of Seattle stuff. I have them for the playoffs. I have them for the over. I just thought they might be a sneaky, maybe even could steal the division if the Niner season kind of goes sideways.

But from what we saw today, Bo Nix was terrible. Rookie QB on the road, you can't of goes sideways. But from what we saw today, like Bo Nix was terrible. Rookie QB on the road, like you can't be too surprised. But I did not like how the offensive line at Seattle looked. Gino was like doing a lot of backpedaling, running for his life.

They finally got the run game going in the second half. But I think that's something to watch. You don't think a team should have more than one safety? You think two is too many for an offensive line? At one point, and I had a lot on Seattle. You asked me if I lost money. This was my make up money after the Titans. And of course, you should always do this, people. If you're down in the early games, load up on the late games on a big favorite. Oh, it never fails.

But anyway, Seattle's money line was my pick. And I still was rooting for that third safety. I was like, wow, that would be so cool to see three safeties and a half. And it almost happened. They pumped it out of their end zone. It almost happened. Yeah. I was pretty disciplined with the bets. I did a Seattle-Detroit parlay to

later just because I was bored. It just seemed like there was a lot of time between the early games and the late games. And I was trying to think of a phenomenon like that because I was bored. It just seemed like there was a lot of time between the early games and the late games. And I was trying to think of a phenomenon like that because I ended up doing this kind of dopey, like Browns, Washington, Detroit, but adjusted. And it was like five to one odds. And I was like, I never would have done this eight hours ago,

but it's four or five and there's no football. And I'm kind of excited for this. You have to let it fly. Yeah, it's week one. The equivalent would's still football. And I'm kind of excited to let it fly. Yeah. The equivalent would be like when you're in the airport and your plane gets delayed for an hour and you're like, I'm not even hungry, but let's go to the store and see what they have. And then all of a sudden you're eating like jalapeno chips or something. And you're like, I'm not, I don't even want these. Why am I eating these? Right. Or if it's the Vegas airport and you're like,

Oh, I know these slot machines haven't paid off since 1977. Right. I'm going to waste 40 bucks because I, because I need a seat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think if Bo Nix,

I know he wasn't good, but if this was like a week six game, they, they might've won. I don't know. I don't know that it would have been close. Yeah. That's it.

We didn't, the Packers Eagles is the only, this Friday night, but did anything from that game that you would have been close. Yeah, that's it. Packers-Eagles is the only one this Friday night. But did anything from that game that you got excited about? Well, can we just say about the field? I mean, fix the freaking field. Are we trusting someone over there to do the field? Or do we have our own? Like, the ambassador of Brazil, like, hey, we got this guy Hector.

He's great. He's going to take care of the field. And as soon as they showed it, it was bad. And the other thing is, don't the players warm up on the field? Why is everyone changing cleats all throughout the game? Maybe it's just something I don't understand, but they should have been able to see that they couldn't cut on this in warm-ups. I thought it was a disgrace, and I don't think they care.

They don't care. The NFL, they could care less. Yeah. Like, hey man, everyone was playing on that field, both sides. The conditions are the conditions. Like they don't care. If Love had had that knee injury because of the field versus how it actually happened, I think it probably would have been a bigger deal. I don't know whether it's like Twitter and how fast the videos go,

but I feel like I'm getting better and better at figuring out if somebody had a torn ACL or not. Yeah, I think so too. Do you feel like you're getting better at it? Yeah, yeah. I was looking at it. I studied the Twitter. I'm like, you know what? That looks like a meniscus or an MCL. Slow motion replay. The pop threw me off a little bit. You don't usually see the pop in the knee. But yeah, you're right. Because he walked off the way he was on the sidelines. I was like, that doesn't feel ACL-ish to me.

And even how they were talking about it after. What do you think about Fridays in general? I don't know if I can do them. I mean, it's great the first week, but I don't I had this on the docket to talk about. Would you sign up for I give you three choices. I don't. I had this on the docket to talk about. Okay. Would you sign up for,

I give you three choices, a weekly Friday game, bi-weekly or monthly. I have to pick one. I think this really tears into relationships and marriages. And when you're doing Thursday, Friday, if you're a college junkie like me,

Saturday, and then all day, Sunday and Monday night, it just becomes too much. Now there's a law or a rule or something where it said, since the sixties, you can't play on Fridays past Labor Day week. Yeah. That's, but Goodell will have that changed, right? What would you say out of those? It's an actual law? I don't know what it is. What could it be? I thought they just had a gentleman's agreement that they would, you know, never go against high school football on Friday nights. Let's look into this.

It was like a TV had something to do with it too. I don't know. Well, which one would you pick out of those? I would like monthly. I really liked the Friday night game. I had a great time. Our friends Robin and Krista came over. Robin's a big Eagles fan.

Game came on at five. We were watching that and the Tiafa just self-combusting at the same time. Had a little Minnesota Lynx versus the Fever on the third TV. A little tennis, WNBA, Friday night NFL threesome. But I really liked it.

I had a great time. The game ended at like 8.30. It was still like there was some time and the night left and I thought it was just weird and fun. I know liked it. I had a great time. The game ended at like 8.30. It was still like there was some time in the night left. And I thought it was just weird and fun. I know it is. Sports Broadcasting Act 1961 prohibits the NFL from holding games on Friday after 5 p.m. from the second weekend of September through the second weekend of December.

In deference to high school football. I don't know. They'll change that. Was that like in JFK's first term? JFK's like, hey, we got to fix this Friday night

football thing. That's what got him in trouble with the Cubans, I think. Yeah, that's why the mafia took JFK out because he got rid

of Friday night football. So, for next week, we're going to guess the lines in a second, but for next week, it's the dreaded 10 to three scenario, 10 early games.

You have your word cut out for you with this three late box. Yeah. And what's funny is the games all kind of suck. So I was looking at possible multi-view Tampa, Detroit, New Orleans, Dallas, Seattle,

New England, and Green Bay Indy might be our best four. And Green Bay would be with Green Bay's backup quarterback, who could be Ryan Tannehill or Thompson Robinson or who knows. Wait, you said Cleveland-Jacksonville or no? You're done with Cleveland altogether. I don't ever want to watch Deshaun again if I don't have to. I mean, today it was only one of four games. Like, if he's one of the 10 games,

I don't want to watch Deshaun Watson play football. Well, that is the one thing the Friday game did. As you looked at that early slate, it was only one of four games. If he's one of the 10 games, I don't want to watch Deshaun Watson play football. Well, that is the one thing the Friday game did. As you looked at that early slate, it's like, oh, yeah, we could have used a better quarterback in here somewhere, one or two. But no, I think you're right. Although, well, we'll get to the Lions in a second. All right, we'll take a break and we'll do kiss the lines.

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Make every morning unforgettable with Nespresso. Discover a world of possibilities with or without milk. Visit Nespresso.ca to learn more or a Nespresso boutique near you. Week two. You beat me in week one. Guess the lines. We guess the lines every week. Week two. You beat me in week one. Guess the lines.

We guess the lines every week. Week two. Thursday night is actually a pretty good game. Dolphins-Bills. And we didn't talk. I guess Dolphins-Jags was the one game we didn't really talk about. I didn't think the Dolphins looked good at all in that game. And the game got swung by this crazy Travis ETM play where they're up 17,

seven, he's running into the end zone or in his binder style. Somebody pokes the ball out, fumble goes into the end zone. When you have the team where the guy fumbles into the end zone, it's one of like the top four worst football fan on the couch feelings. Right. Oh yeah.

It's like, Oh my, Oh my God. And then you seven points off. If you had the over in the game, that's screwed up. Next play, 80-yard Tyreek touchdown on a play that only he can score.

We haven't talked about the Tyreek thing, too. Yeah, we didn't talk about that either. Yeah, I mean, he was destined to score. I made us bet plus 550 that he scores twice today after that, you know, after they unshackled him there. But he only scored once. But, yeah, when are you going to be more motivated than after you're arrested?

Even Scotty Scheffler was able to figure it out. Well, he seemed really pissed off about it after the game. And, you know, somehow this is another NFL tradition where some sort of off the field something becomes a major story. And this is going to be the major story over the next couple of days is what happened. Why did he get arrested? Who knows what?

And Miami police. And it just feels like this will be a 48-hour thing. I was surprised that it didn't affect him because that touchdown that he scored was one of those. He's the only player in the history of football who could have scored on this. Right. It's an out, but you have to somehow do a 90 degree turn with two guys on you, but then keep your speed, full speed, but not go out of bounds. And he's the only one. Is there any other football player you've ever seen who could do that?

And remember to do the handcuff celebration at the end? Yeah. No, I don't think there is anyone. That's nuts. But yeah, and you broke the news to us before we went live on, about six minutes before we went live on Ring of Pre-Game show. I was like, oh, you're screwing around. This is you just trolling JJ, who's a big Dolphins fan.

But no, this stuff happens pretty regularly now. It's amazing. For the Dolphins, they were about to go down 24-7. They get the fumble. They get the touchdown. The moment he scores, you're like, they're definitely going to win. Then they end up gutting it

out, basically. Jacksonville completely fell apart. I had it written down. I know you had Jacksonville and we're used to Miami, but did it seem like there were more plays for Miami that started seven yards behind the line of scrimmage than ever before?

You got all these speedsters and he's throwing these swing passes that are like five yards beyond the line of scrimmage and they'll run eight but it's only a plus three. Like, what's the offense about? Did you think Tua was good in that game? Because I did not.

No, I don't like the game plan. I don't know. Maybe it was miserably hot, and you just go with the team ultimately with the lighter jerseys. Yeah, that's why when it's, you know, Florida in September, it's hard to say. Miami had 10 quarterback pressure. So that was one thing where I thought,

I didn't think their pass rush maybe, especially in the first month without Chubb, would be the same, but they actually did it. Jacksonville second half, when they had 10-point lead, punt, punt, red zone fumble, turned it over on downs with just a classic stupid Doug Peterson play. He's good for like four of those a year.

Punt, punt, and that's how it went. They got the ball back 17-17. 2-13 left and Lawrence got sacked twice. And they had to get the ball back and that's how Miami ended up winning. That was a pretty awful loss for Jacksonville, but I asked about Jacksonville.

I'm like, we win if ETN doesn't fumble. That game's done. So anyway, as we head to guess the lines for Thursday night, it's in Miami and I have Dolphins minus two and a half. Oh, you went a little high. I said one and it's one and a half. Let me just check. Let me just make sure.

No, you get that. One and a half. Yep. It's a good line. Right in there. It's a good line. Right in there. It's a good line. What a weird week for Miami. They're playing two football games

and they're going to have this Tyreek Hill, why was he arrested fiasco. Yeah. And that's just all going to happen over the course of 96 hours. And Mike McDaniel's trying out for boogie nights too. Humidity was not good for whatever he's trying to do with his hair. I have to say that.

They needed to play Sister Christian while he's just zoning out watching somebody throw firecrackers. Our Sunday marquee game, which we really need because there's only three late afternoon games, but we got a Chiefs-Bengals game in Kansas City.

There's no must-wins in a week, too, but the Bengals getting thrashed by the Chiefs and going down 0-2 for the season. That might be unrecoverable for them. This has to be in the T-zone. I have Chiefs by six. Yeah, that's what I had. Five and a half is the correct answer.

Yeah, we should come up with a name for that because this is where we... There's always an 0-1 team that we're like, oh, they have to win this week. There's no way this team's going 0-2. And then they do go 0-2 and then they show that stat.

Well, like, well, only 12% of the teams who have gone 0-2 have made it to the playoffs or 4%, whatever it is. I mean, I don't think Cincinnati is that stat. Well, only 12% of the teams who have gone 0-2 have made it to the playoffs, or 4%, whatever it is. I don't think Cincinnati is that team. They're pretty hefty underdog in Kansas City. They seem...

Now, granted, this is why you get into trouble with week ones with overreactions, but they just don't seem as potent as they used to. And Higgins didn't play. But they didn't have a running back that scared me. Burrow didn't seem like himself. Chase, the Pats just took him out.

And they didn't really have a lot of places to go. Like, they had a touchdown to Gusecki in the corner that he ended up not holding on to. Gusecki's been bouncing around. Like, he was in the Pats. You know, and that was who they were kind of going to on a key play. And then somebody else fumbled that in the next play.

You want to pencil the Bengals in for 34 points offensively, right? And I just don't think we're even close to that team yet. Well, I remember, so when we did the over-under pod, I had some of the alt-unders for them. Because this is a Raheem thing. Yeah, that under eight and a half wins for them was plus 250. Under seven and a half wins for them was plus 250. Under seven and a half wins for them was plus 440.

Yeah. And it's like, is seven and 10 insane for that team after they lost to that? I wouldn't say seven and 10 is insane. No, we should have

banged that out. Yeah. Especially after the slow starts every year. The watchables. Somehow, in a 16 game slate I only have one watchable and it's Rams Cardinals in Arizona

this is a super fun game two 0-1 teams by the way division matchup these teams have had I want to say they've had entertaining games in the past I feel like I've watched a couple of them. I don't have it on hand, but I feel like these games are usually kind of fun.

I had a wild card playoff a few years ago on a Monday, I think. Yeah. I have the Rams favored, and I didn't know whether to go one and a half or two and a half, and I settled on two and a half. Oh, nice. That's what I had. It's one and a half. We tie. So it's one and a half. Oh, nice. That's what I had. It's one and a half. We tie.

So it's one and a half. Okay. That's fair. You love Arizona on a teaser. Love it. You know, they're just a good teaser team because if you take them

past the touchdown, even if they're down double digits, you still feel like they can get the cheapie to come back you know what i don't want to sound arrogant here but a lot of times we'd say i love this i'm going to bet it right after we do the podcast before the podcast post so that the line doesn't move we don't have that luxury anymore unless we do it right now we're doing like literally right now

oh yeah on youtube right because people are. People are moving the lines on us. Fairly watchables. I have six games. The first one is Ravens Raiders. It's in Baltimore. And I guessed the lines before I watched the week one games. I did a preliminary guessing. Then I changed to my picks after.

This was one of the ones I moved after watching the Raiders. I think this has to be over seven. I have Ravens by seven and a half over the Raiders. You get this. I don't know why I went light. I don't know why I love this Raiders team. I said six and a half. It's eight and a half.

So you were a point off. This is going to be tough sledding for the Raiders team. I said six and a half. It's eight and a half. So you were a point off. This is going to be tough sledding for the for the Raiders. So this is the no way they go 0-2 team. Right. Who? The Ravens. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, and the Raiders, they could lose this game, go 0-2, but their next two are Carolina home, Cleveland home. Then they have at Denver. Right. So the schedule's in their favor against the Raiders. I knew that was the reason I liked them. Yeah, you did love their schedule. Okay.

I like that spot for the Ravens, by the way. Man, it's going to be hard not to tease them. Do we tease that now before it gets to nine? It just got to nine. We got a lot of viewers on there. It's 11 and a half now. Alright, next one. Jaguars-Browns in Jacksonville.

There's a chance it's going to be super hot in this game. I have the Jaguars by three and a half. That's what I had. I'm going to announce what I was off before. What is it? Is it three? Are we way off?

No, it's three. What did you think of the Browns defense today? It reminded me at times of what they did against Houston. They went most of the year without giving up big plays, and then they couldn't help themselves against Dallas. And C.D. wasn't even extraordinary either. But Garrett's

always a menace. Garrett went up against our rookie and beat him up pretty good. But I was happy. Jets Titans is the third fairly watchable. I have this because the Titans, you know, I don't know.

This feels upset-ish to me, especially if the Jets win in San Francisco on a Monday night. And it's like, now they're going to go to Tennessee and easily beat Tennessee. And then all of a sudden, they're down 17-0.

It's in Tennessee. I have the Jets favored by three points. That was a half point off. I said five. It's four and a half. Oh, man. That is not a lot of respect for the Titans. I mean, that Levis, that mayonnaise coffee,

drinking backward peddling, I'm just sick to my stomach. I'm so mad. Do we have to do the rankings of players you hate their guts in the 2021 season? Levis is number one for you? I'll never claim that someone's trying to throw a game, but he was just like, it was like kill the man with the ball.

And he's just like, get away from me. Get away from me. Take this. And then he throws a fit on the field. He's like, watch that too. Go back and watch that. That was sickening. They should not have won,

let alone cover that game. We're back. You know, I should have put lions bucks in the watchables. I apologize to the bucks. I'm going to move that up. That's a mistake. That's a bad job by me.

Lions bucks. So we have two watchables this week. It's in Detroit, Tampa, the way they move the ball, I should have put that in that category. I have the Lions favored by six. Yeah, I was way off here. I said three and a half. It's six and a half.

I thought a little more respect. I don't know. What were they favored over? The Rams? Did they play in round one or am I crazy? They played in round one. Or round two? Didn't they play in the playoffs last year I crazy? They played in round one. Or round two? Didn't they play in the playoffs last year and the Bucs kind of hung around? Round two, right.

Can you imagine that? Yeah, round two. Tampa beat Philly. Round two, Tampa. Yeah, they were in that game. Yeah. Man. Line feels a little high.

Okay, next one for fairly watchables. Colts at Green Bay. God only knows what this line is going to be. We didn't talk about Colts-Texans, so let's do this right now before we do the Colts-Texans guess because I forgot to talk about Colts-Texans. That game was really fun. The Colts, the Texans ran 76 plays.

The Colts ran 43, but Richardson had three 50-yard yard plus passes that were completed. That one, was that one of the craziest passes ever? It's insane. He was falling backwards and just chucked it. Roberto Clemente, Bo Jackson style, like Dave Parker, like a 300 foot bomb. And, uh, he appears and, uh, he was super exciting. He was all over the place, but his, his highs are really high and his lows. He was doing this. I feel you'll get that with the Colts.

I'm trying to think like, uh, who was the fun team? Maybe they're the new chargers or maybe the chargers will always be the chargers, but I like the scoring potential to them. So the Texans ended up not covering that, right? Right. Because it ended up being two and a half? I think we said that was our rat game, right? Yeah.

And our overreaction game. But I don't know. Maybe we didn't overreact to that. I feel like Richardson was not great, but had some really good throws. I thought it was a stay away. Yeah. House had it as his wise guy luck. Houston had 26 first downs.

They had 213 yards rushing. Mixon had 34 for 159. I mean, 34 is by far, I think, his biggest output for carries. Yeah. So you look at the box score, you're like, how is this close? And it was close because Richardson made three insane throws and kept them hanging around. But Kyle mentioned this, this actually when we were watching

it. It was a physical playoff-y kind of game. I thought that was like the most playoff-ish of all the early games for how hard those guys were going and hitting each other and yelling at each other. Yeah, definitely. You expected one of them to roll over by the

fourth quarter. Yeah. The Colts are a little better than I thought. I actually have the Colts favored in Green Bay because I don't know who Green Bay's quarterback is going to be. I have Colts by one and a half. You're going to steal this from me. I had one, and it's three. I mean, I guess it doesn't have to be Malik Willis,

but my God, even three is low if it's Malik Willis. Tom Brady? I guess if he came back, he would have to he'd want the job for the whole year, not for four weeks. I decided I'd do my talking on the field. Yeah. That's right.

Last one, Steelers-Broncos. House tried to get the name Backdoor Bo for Bo Nix going and it didn't take I don't I don't want to call another human being

Backdoor Bo but he was pretty rocky I talked to our friend Gus Ramsey diehard Broncos fan about it after and he's like

I'm not going to overreact talk to me in November but he had he had one throw Kyle and I rewound it. He threw a pick. He's throwing a triple coverage. And the ball was in the air. And it hadn't gone for the interception yet. You could hear the announcer go, oh, no. But the ball was still in the air and hadn't been caught by anyone yet. That's how bad the throw was. So he had a couple no plays. I watched him a lot when he was at Oregon because my kid goes there and everything. And I don't know why. I feel like, whatever.

They were all bad. But I did see five throws I thought were good. And maybe that was just the toughest place to play. He also has a bad history in Washington, losing to that team last year. I can't say their skill position guys were knocking my socks off. That's the other thing.

That was the other thing. That offense might even be worse than the Pats offense. At least we had Ramondre. I like it. I like where you're talking now. No, I didn't. Keep you around. What do you think this line?

Wait, where do we have this? I have the Steelers favored in Denver by one and a half. Do I get this? Yeah. I said three and it's two and a half. I'll tell you this. Going from Seattle on the road to home against Pittsburgh is not the way to start the season. If you're a rookie QB, this Steelers defense is going to go nuts.

I love the Steelers in this game. I might bet this right now. I might bet this as we're talking. Went up to six. Poop. Poopfecta. Five games. We have a five-game Poopfecta. Week two. I don't know. I guess Seahawks-Patriots. Does that qualify

as a Poopfecta or a fairly watchable? I like a lot of these games still. I'll put the Pats in fairly watchable. By the way, do we have to... We usually take a team out of the playoff running. Can we knock out two? I have a spot for that.

Oh, you do? All right. All right, so Seahawks at the Pats. I think the Seahawks are favored. But I can't believe I'm saying this, but it might be a winnable game for the Pats with that Seattle offensive line. As Mike Lombardi always says, bad offensive lines don't travel.

And they'll be traveling to New England. I have Seahawks by two and a half, though. Who gets this? I get it. I said four. It's three and a half. Oh, my God. Are you going to beat me again?

Let's see. Why do you do this to yourself? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One, two, three, seven, one, two, three, four, five,

six. I am up seven, six. I love a few more. I think this line settles at three or two and a half. What do you think? Yeah, probably.

Okay. Yeah. Well, Kenneth Walker has a red cross by his name. He was outstanding today. Oh God. Really? He's already red crossing it.

Yeah. Yeah. a little bit. Poopfecta, 49ers at the Vikings. So you don't think the Vikings are Poopfecta just because they beat up on the Giants? No, I think you're probably right. I think this is when they come down back to earth, but it is a short week, right? For San Francisco? Yeah.

It's in Minnesota. I have 49ers by four. I had four also. It's five and a half. You want to tease that? Chan came over to watch some football today and he was saying how he has some mole with football

stuff. And the mole was telling him how Darnold was going to have a big year in Minnesota. And there's a lot of stats that back up him, him being good. This is Chang. I don't know. I had to tell you.

A mole told him a player was going to be good? A mole. A mole at Amazon told him Darnold was going to be good for the Vikings and to watch out for Darnold. Yeah. I need names. Tell him I need names. We need a source. So 49ers

five and a half next one Darnold was a few years ago Darnold like led the league in rushing touchdowns after three weeks like he does this sometimes he had that run

with the Panthers a couple years ago yeah that was it they might actually make the playoffs yeah speaking of the Panthers

they're home for the Chargers I was on like two and a half points here I'll just warn you really yeah I have the Chargers. I was on like two and a half points here. I'll just warn you. Really? Yeah. I have the Chargers by three and a half. Oh, wow. You went the other way.

You win. I said seven. It's four and a half. Why? Hold on. Teams just lighten this junk squad up by 40. Because the Chargers barely got to 22 points today. I don't know.

They're laying more than five points when they can't really score points. I can see why that line's like that. Yeah, but you're about to, about to, whatever spot you have us in, declare Carolina not playoff worthy. And once they hear that, they're just going to give up on the year.

I am willing to cross off Carolina right now. There you go. All right. That's the cross off, right? I would also cross off the Giants right now. The Giants. Yeah, those were my two. Have we ever crossed off two teams in week one?

I don't think so. But how does either make a comeback? I wonder. I'm going to check on FanDuel really quickly. Because they must have the playoff odds, right? They don't really have it. No, they just. They don't have.

Yeah, they do have the playoff odds. Oh, they do? Oh, just Jets and Niners. No, just for the two teams. Yeah. Damn it. Yeah. Okay.

Well, here's why. It's bad enough the Giants looked as hideous as they did, but we're pretty confident the Cowboys and Eagles are going to be good, right? Yeah, that's four losses. That's four losses, right? By the way, I'm not totally confident on their team. Really? What do you need to see?

I thought Deshaun was that bad. I don't even know what to make of that game. I thought Deshaun was so bad, there was even know what to make of that game I thought Deshaun was so bad there was no way to even tell that much about either team can I say this though this goes underreported and maybe I shit on

running backs too much but I know that's your problem with my team and a lot of other people it's one of many problems would you rather have a 1200 yard rusher and an average kicker or a 750-yard leading rusher and the best kicker in the freaking world that anyone's ever seen? He lined up for 71, and it seemed like they might actually let him try it. Yeah. And when are fans disappointed when they don't let your kicker try a 71-yard field?

Because that's where I was. It's like, this is a no-brainer. Of course you have to let him try a 71. Let's see if he can do it. I think that guy's worth points when we're looking at lines and stuff like that. I think it's a good way Tucker was. I think that's a good point. I think Dicker is that good too on the Chargers. I have Dicker in all three fantasy leagues

and I think he's... How many field goals did he have today? Like four? I think he did, yeah. Four or five? Four. Because he had Look at Luke. Yeah.

Because he had 12 points in our fantasy league. But I could see him having like 40 plus field goals this year. All right, but he's not blasting 65 yards. No, he's not.

He's just a monster. No, that's a good point. Speaking of your team, you're home for the Saints. I threw this right in the biggest zone. This was unwatchable? What do you consider this? Not watchable?

I put this in the poop fact, though. Oh, really? All right. I don't want to watch the Saints. Derek Carr had 200 yards passing today, you understand. They didn't make me think any differently of whatever they did

against the Panthers I don't care fine I'll move it to fairly watchables so this is but this is your no way so we only have

three poop factor games then if we're moving that that's fine I have the Cowboys by five and a half um you lose on this I said six

it's six and a half oh that's too high that's too high. That's stupid. So you're going to beat me this week. Oh, I got three games left. Eight, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

No, I'm only up one. Yeah, there's three left. I'm left by a half a point, two and a half points. I'm sorry, a half a point, three points, and one and a half. You could do this. Washington at home against the New York football Giants. So you have

probably the worst defense in either conference against maybe the worst offense in either conference. I don't know what to make of this game. I only know that it needs to be in the Vegas zone. And I have Washington by five. Wow.

I had three and it's two and a half. Really? I don't get it either because so you're going to beat me. When Minnesota gave points on the road, I was like, what? That's nuts. They can't do that. And then they made it worthwhile.

I mean, this should be probably higher. You know, Washington moved the ball in that game. Their field goal kicker missed a couple kicks, Cade York. I didn't think their offense was that bad. They just can't. They tried to get Daniels killed a couple times, but I thought he got a little

bit better as the game went on. I did too. I will say, he seemed pretty skinny out there. And I know I knew that he was skinny coming in and, you know, but when you actually see him against all those giant NFL players, he's strikingly skinny.

They're bigger than the pros, for sure. He's strikingly skinny. They're bigger in the pros for sure. He stood out. Skinny in a way, when he was scrambling and there were people coming at him, I had real fear for him. I was like, please don't get hurt Jaden Daniels. I've been enjoying him. Sunday night, Texans home for the Bears. I have the Texans by four. You get this. I had three and a half.

It's six and a half. Six and a half is high. Jesus. Well, that's Vegas saying they didn't like the Bears offense. You could tie me here and I'm off by a point and a half. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

One, two, three, six, seven, eight, nine, 9, 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Yeah, 10-9. Good guys. One left. I'm off by a point and a half. Well, I have the Monday night game is Philadelphia home for the Falcons of Atlanta. And I

have the Philadelphia Eagles by five and a half. You got it exactly so. I can't be too upset. I said seven. I'm not buying this Atlanta team at all, but it is five and a half. Nice spot for the Eagles. Yeah.

As a Cowboys fan, were you scared watching them with all the weapons? I didn't like the Barkley thing at all. I thought their defense wasn't that great. But also, it was so hard to tell on that field. So that was my ultimate takeaway. Shame on the NFL. All right. We're just going to do parent corner. Today's parent corner is brought to you by Workday. Get the whole band together with Workday and pair finance and HR on one platform for an epic performance. With Workday AI at the core,

you'll make confident decisions faster than ever, and you'll drive flawless business and finance operations with an agile platform that constantly evolves to future-proof your organization. Be a finance and HR rockstar with Workday. Visit workday.com to learn more. Sal, what's your parent calling? Take it away. All right.

So I don't even know. This is so inside baseball, but I promise it's going to be interesting to people. So how would you describe Don Barris to people? Don Barris, who warmed up the crowd for Jimmy Kimmel Live Forever still does very nice guy

I would describe him as a true one of a kind character super happy and maybe every once in a while gets been out of shape about something. Crazy person. He's a crazy person, too. But also, no, it was a delight, but also much like a lot of people in our

lives, you know? Well, starred in the movie Windy City Heat, the cult classic. So he, Don, hosts a show on Twitch called The Pretty Girl Show. And basically, Don, another way to describe him is like the conductor of the Demented Orchestra, right? At the comedy store, he has a show called the ding dong show. And he brings people from all walks of life who would never be paid to perform in any, um,

capacity and they all get on stage and whatever. And it's like at, at, at midnight. So this show he has on Twitch is an offshoot of that. Um, and somehow my son, Jack, who I talked about in the Grimace costume last week has become a part of this show. And so, um, but now that school started, it's Friday night and it's like nine o'clock or something. And, um, and Jack went to the Redondo Costa football game. Now there's like 2000 kids there. This is our big, uh, our big rival. I think Leinart is son is the quarterback for Redondo. The place is packed. Jack calls us at halftime.

Scores 13-7, by the way. Calls us at halftime and asked if we could pick him up because he has to get home to appear on what's called the Pretty Girls Show, where Don and Jack are on and someone else, and then there's a couple of pretty girls who decide who they would kiss in life. And Melissa hates this, that Jack is on the show, but Jack is only on to give picks for football on Sunday. So Melissa is out of her mind and he did

it. We had to pick him up because he threw a fit to go on the Pretty Girls Show. And he's just on for like 20 minutes. He gets fixed and gets off. But it's not really a place for him. And I kind of laugh at it because Don's our friend. But my wife is really, it's getting bad. So I don't know what the, and I asked him, I was like, hey, did anyone else leave the 13-7 game?

Kostin Redondo to appear on the Pretty Girls Show? No, it turns out he was the only one. Do we need the Pretty Girl Show and the ringer or is it a long-term contract with Twitch? I don't know, man. You can negotiate with them, but they play hardball there. So it's like a dating show but also Jack

comes on and gives football pics. They'll show a picture of Bill Simmons. They'll be like, oh, would you kiss this guy? And then this 45-year-old woman will be like, no, yes, yeah, no. And they'll show a picture of Bill Simmons. They'll be like, oh, would you kiss this guy? And then like this 45-year-old woman will be like, no, yes, yeah, no. And they'll show Snoop Dogg or someone. And it's usually like famous people. But anyway, he doesn't jump on for that part. But when they give pics at the end, which makes no sense.

Yeah, he shouldn't jump on at all. Yeah, I'm wrong about this. I know. I have to ban him from the Pretty Girl Show. I'm sorry, Don. I love you. this. I know. I have to ban him from the Pretty Girl Show. I'm sorry, Don. I love you. I think it's a good idea to ban him. How old do you think your kid should be before they appear on the Pretty Girl Show?

Probably over 18. He's not 18 yet, right? No, no, not yet. Yeah. Okay. All right. Speaking of sons aging into different parts of their lives. So my son got his driver's license three weeks ago and he didn't have it.

You know, he, he, as I, I don't remember if we talked on parent corner, might've failed the test a couple of times and then finally passed it. The test in California is super hard for some reason. I have no idea why. And I have no idea why. You have to wear a mask over your eyes to take it. That's why it's hard. It's just, it is so complicated.

Then you pass the test and then you drive around LA and it's like Mad Max. And you're just seeing all these cars. It's like, how did that person pass the test? That person's weeping between three lids. So anyway, he got the car. When our daughter got the car, it was always like, I'm going here. I'm got, you know, she would be texting us at stoplights. I'm almost there.

Hey guys, I got to, you know, always checking in. So we knew where she was and we could check on Life360. Ben got the license and we basically haven't seen him again. It's, he's now turned into, he's basically renting a room in our house. He's like, hey, what are you doing with that extra bedroom?

Oh, it's just this guy that comes in. He works nights. We don't see him a lot. He passes in. He's just gone. He leaves in the morning. The first day he went to school, he zoomed out of the driveway. My wife and I looked at each other like, oh my God,

how did the kid from, you know, 15 years of parent corners just drove out of our driveway. And then he stays after, he's like, I'm going to study at this guy's friend. I'm going over there. We decided to go to the movies. He just doesn't want to be here for any reason. And I know you went through this with Archie. So you've already been through this, but I don't think people realize just what a massive confidence hit it is when your kids get older and they can drive.

Yeah. Because your kids think you're the coolest person on the earth until they're, what, 11? Yeah, that's fair. And then from 11 to 16, you're just kind of hanging on. And then by 17, and Ben's not even 17 yet, they don't want to be with you at all for any reason. And the kids that want to be with their kids, I'm almost suspicious of them. I'm like, why do you, why do your kids like, why does, why does he like his parents this much? Why doesn't he get some friends and leave the house

like my son? Who's never fucking home. Um My point is, I thought when he went to college, we'd be empty nesters, but I think it's already happened. I think we're empty nesters already. You still have that third kid. Yeah. The car is huge. The car is like the last, I don't need you anymore thing. I mean, obviously you're always going to have to fund stuff, right?

Until they're 18 and beyond. I'm basically like a loan shark for him where he's like, can you spot me $300? You're never getting it back. Paid for gas. Oh, I got to get oil. Can I charge oil to the car? But yeah, he's just gone.

The car is an unbelievable mechanism for independence. And I don't even realize it. And I'm dealing with it with my father now because we're trying to get him off the road. And he's like, no way, no way I'm staying on. And so funny, you and I talked about this morning with the Tyree kill. I'm like, oh, please, someone take my keys. I'd be happy to never drive again. Right.

Great. Just do it. That's awesome. Exactly. So, yeah, no, that's, it is such a symbol of, uh, of independence. Well, Kyle saw it in action this weekend today, because Ben was at this peer leader retreat all weekend. So he's gone, he's gone for two days and we're like, Hey, can you text us, see how it's going? We don't hear from him for 36 hours. We could just tell from life 360 where he is. And

then he's doing the, ah, there's no wifi where I was. I couldn't get ahold of you. It was like, I find it hard to believe there's anywhere in the, ah, there's no wifi where I was. I couldn't get ahold of you. It was like, I find it hard to believe there's anywhere in the United States that doesn't have wifi at this point. Um, so anyway, we don't hear from him. If you're locating him on 360, then I think there's wifi.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure the wifi exists. He just didn't want to talk to us. So then he came home during the early games, right? Comes in, sits down, says hi to Kyle.

He's like, I got to go do homework. We get, what, two minutes. Kyle, we got no info really at all about the retreat. Didn't give us any tidbits. Goes upstairs, comes back down a half hour later with a knapsack on. He's like, I'm going to study at Victor's. And was gone.

And that's been my interaction with him all weekend. That's it. Less than, it's basically our relationship is like the Panthers offense. Wow. It's just three and outs. It's like I see him in the kitchen like, hey man, how's it going? It's like, it's going good. It's going good.

All right. I'll see you later. Wait, so he's not making the playoffs? No, he's probably going to. Like the Panthers? Yeah. So anyway, I'm an empty nester now. So thank God my wife and I like hanging out because I don't...

I can totally see why people get divorced now. Yeah. He's so smart, though. If you don't like each other when that house gets empty, it's fucking brutal. Yeah. You run out of people. If there's a dog there, you can maybe hold on for a couple of years. And if they add football on Friday nights, you're really doomed. Football on Friday nights, maybe a puppy.

Maybe I need a third dog. Yeah. But yeah, it just goes fast, man. I meant to tell you, I was impressed with Ben. What night was it? That was still last week, right? It was Tuesday night. We did our draft and we're on Zoom, but we're doing an auction.

And he pops up right behind you, Ben. And he has like a satchel or something. And he's like, I'm going to go do, oh, who'd you do? He was interested in your team for about like 45 seconds. That was it. He did another three and out drive.

He's like, I'm going to do homework because he knows he's not going to get pushback if he tells you you're going to do homework. Anything else, you're going to be like, where at? What to? To what time? I'm going to do homework.

It's a great line. So boys, so this happened with Archie too, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. Same thing. Because you said he came home from college for the summer and he just slept late. Never wanted to spend time with anybody. Sleeping late, bowling, and that college football game. That was it.

I guess we can go back and see him if he's playing college football now. Well, I thought about it when I was in high school and the moment I got a car, my parents never saw me again. I never wanted to be home. I was always at like Jim Grady's house or Bishop's house or any, any friend I had. I just didn't want to be home. Gus's house, wherever playing video games, getting home at two in the morning. It's healthy. I get it. From parents perspective, it's a little, it's a bummer. Well, I think you think when you have kids, it's going to, this person's going to be in your life, like in this substantial way. But the reality is it's like these little peaks

and valleys and there's these long stretches where they're just kind of gone. Like, you know, my daughter's in college, 3000 miles away. And when she FaceTimes, it's like, oh my God, she's FaceTiming us. This is so exciting. I get to talk to her. Otherwise, she could just... I guess the lesson is have lots of kids. Have kids. Have five, six, seven kids.

They'll need you potentially again when you have grandkids and they have kids. And then you have to watch and stuff like that. That's when you'll get them back, I think, little bit until then they're off on the pretty girl show. Right. Maybe they meet somebody in the pretty girl show. All right. That's it for Parent Corner. Thanks again to Workday for sponsoring this segment. Be a finance and HR rockstar with Workday. To learn more, visit workday.com. So you have the Against All Odds podcast this week, Cousin Sal's winning weekend on Friday, and then Ringer's Sunday pregame show was a huge hit today. It really went great. I loved how it looked. Yeah, I really liked how it looked. It was a real TV show. It was

the kind of TV show we'd always talked about. It was right there on YouTube TV. You could find it immediately. We talked about a lot of bets. How do we do on the wisest wagers, though? Did we go 0 for 4? I don't think they were so wise. I don't know. I had the Titans. You lost that. House lost on the Colts

by a point. Oh, the Colts. Somebody had Arizona. JJ had Arizona? Yeah, I think somebody did. Yeah, we're not in it to win. We also rattled. Yeah, with the Tyreek thing

and the DAC contract was thrown right at us about a minute and a half before we went live. But it's good. You came on. You get to pick your box. We're here. I came on, yeah. I had a great time.

All right, so you can follow that on YouTube TV. You can watch this podcast right now as you're watching on the Bill Simmons channel on YouTube. We're going to do it every Sunday night. This went pretty well, right? I don't think anything bad happened. I think so. I don't know.

Kyle, anyone want to jump in? What would you cut? What would you have cut? No, I don't think anything. I think we were pretty careful. It's week four, week five when we get groggy, I think is when, I think that's when it's going to get a little dangerous. Well, we're going to do it in German, so no one's going to know what we're saying.

The pod was produced by Kyle Creighton and Steve Cerruti. As always, thanks to those guys, and I will see you on this podcast on Tuesday. Thanks, Sal. Good job by you! Alright, that's it for the podcast. Thanks to Cousin Sal. Thanks to Steve Cerruti and Kyle Creighton for producing as well. I'm going to have more

podcasts on Tuesday and Thursday this week. New rewatchables Monday or Wednesday. Not sure which day yet. So stay tuned for that. You can watch all the clips and you can watch the entire live broadcast of this podcast on the Bill Simmons channel on YouTube. I will see you on this feed on Tuesday. Must be 21 plus in President's select states for Kansas and affiliation with Kansas Star Casino I don't have to. mdpg.org slash chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York.