The Bill Simmons Podcast - Drowning Dolphins, Mahomes vs. Lamar, Fanny Pack Fangio, Jimmy G Minshew, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal and Joe House | The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode Date: September 16, 2019

HBO and The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal and special guest Joe House to discuss another Rams-Saints debacle, Eagles-Falcons, another Dolphins shutout, Jimmy G’s big day, Broncos-Bears, House’s six-team parlay, and more (2:34), before guessing the NFL lines for Week 3 (38:44). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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there. Check it out. And speaking of podcasts, the Rewatchables is coming back on Tuesday. Beverly Hills Cop. Me, Wesley Morris, Sean Fennessey, Chris Ryan. So we're doing this from D.C. because I'm hosting Pardon the Interruption

tomorrow with my uncle Tony. Monday. Monday's Pardon the Interruption. We're back. It's been four years. Four and a half years since the last Pardon the Interruption. So you can check that out on ESPN at 5 30. And since I'm in D.C., of course, Joe House had to join us. We're doing this at the Vox Media headquarters. Thanks to Jeff the engineer. It's 1130 at night and we are taping a pod with him here and Kyle in LA.

Cousin Sal going to join us in one second. First, our friends from Pearl Jam. All right, me and House are in D.C. The Cuz is in L.A. Week two is in the books. Wanted to mention the cuz and I, we put up a charity auction on Charity Buzz for our friend and Jimmy Kimmel Live co-worker John Carlin who is a talent booker there

and he's more than a talent booker. He's one of my favorite people that I worked with. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with ALS what was it, like two years ago, Sal? 18 months ago? Yeah. Yeah, almost two years ago. Yeah. And we just love the guy.

And nobody loves him more than Jimmy. So Jimmy went on Charity Buzz. He did a whole charity drive with a whole bunch of different auctions from a bunch of people you know, including me and the Cuz. And we have an auction that you have about 10 days left

to bid on out there, if you're interested, you can watch a Sunday night game with us this season, which Joe House just did with me. He can vouch firsthand. Nothing's more delightful than watching football with us. You watch a football game with me and Sal in LA, and then you join us for Guess the Lines. You get to play Guess the Lines. And if you beat us, it goes in the record books as a loss for both of us. Right, Sal? That's exactly right. And I think we've done pretty well so far. I think there's like 40 bids and it's up to, did we say how much it's up to? Or does that, I guess it doesn't matter, right? Yeah. Well, there's 10 days left. We wanted to

go even higher, but you go to, all you do is go to charitybuzz.com and search for us and you could right now it's up to it's up to a lot um and hopefully it'll even go higher but uh we love john carlin if you're listening we're doing this for you and uh and for people who say i've had people say yeah we do love john carlin it all goes to a good cause and for people who say though that you know well i don't have thousands and thousands of dollars to bid on something like this. You know, all we can really say is take a loan out. It's too bad. You know, if you want it bad enough, you want to be with me and Bill, there's a once in a lifetime. We're not going to give you this opportunity again. So take a loan out. Maybe the kids get a few fewer Christmas gifts this year. Do something,

make it happen. And. And by the way, you get to guess the lines against me. It's out. Which house is doing today? House, you've done this before. I've done this before. I don't know that I would call me a success at this.

No. No, you were a success today, though. Oh, daddy. House hit a 16 parlay today. He hit the first five and then Rams Saints was the last one. And it was Rams like minus two. And I'm telling House, be a man. Don't hedge.

Be a man. And House hedges for a little bit. Just a tiny. And then the Rams won anyway. Drew Brees got hurt. Let's start with that game because that was probably the contender versus contender game of the day. House was a big one. It's good to have a winner on this podcast.

I like Bill. We had to bring him on. Maybe he'll forget that my Cowboys trounced his Redskins, but for now he's, he's, he won his bet. So yeah, let's,

let's give the man some praise. So Drew Brees gets hurt early. And then on top of that terrible penalty call touchdown, it was terrible in the moment. It would, it didn't seem like an, like a, like an incomplete pass in the moment. The refs, of course, do the wrong thing,

and the Saints somehow get screwed. Sal, did the Rams win that game anyway? It was just a non-call. A non-call, yeah. They just called it incomplete. Well, they whistled it dead. Right, they just called it a non-call. Yeah.

Don't you think the league should have a talk with the referees, especially for this game, and say, hey, we're under a microscope here. Anything close goes New Orleans way. If this was an airline, if this was American Airlines, they get 10 million frequent flyer miles. That's it. Let's just hook them up the rest of the way. Certainly don't call something iffy the other way against them, right? Yeah. The Saints are turning. Remember Tony Atlas in the 80s, where he would come within a hair of winning the WWF title over and over again. And then something terrible would happen and he'd get hit by a chair or he'd get distracted and then he would lose. It was like,

oh my God. Oh, it happened again. And that's the Saints. They're the Tony Atlas of the NFL right now. That's right. House didn't care. House was just counting his money and heckling the Saints. You loved it, House. Well, I mean, I never root for injuries under any circumstances, especially not the most important player on one of the teams that has a legit chance to win the Super Bowl.

But... Yeah. The Drew Brees thumb, it's always a dry thumb that I'm expecting in these circumstances. Oh, he got five out of six. Here comes the dry thumb. How's the thumb was going to be involved? He just thought it was going to be getting stuck up his butt.

It was a juicy thumb today. Yeah, it was the perfect kind of injury to help you win a bet, right? He'll be back. He'll be back, right? He just was sidelined today. Cuz, I have a question for you. What happened? You have on your show, Against All Odds,

every Wednesday on the Ringer Podcast Network, the Parlay Kid. I mean, can I be an honorary, can I be the Parlay Man for one week? Oh, the Parlay Man. I mean, as if the Parlay Kid grew up, I could see this.

Yeah. A six-way parlay I hit, cuz. It was almost 20 to one odds. You should mention the odds. 19 to one odds plus for that parlay. That's nothing to sneeze at. Give us the parlay, cuz. Mostly me.

I make 16 parlays that pay even odds. And that's nothing. 19 to one odds. God bless you. We did the Colts money line at plus 150. So that was the ballsy one, right? It was the Colts on the road. By the way, anyone who's listening to this podcast the last few weeks, we've been on

the Colts over and over and over again. Keep going. Yeah. The two ballsiest ones were the Colts had, you know, winning straight up at Tennessee. The Lions plus one and a half at home against the Chargers. That one was mine. Boy, did you get lucky on that one. 115.

You pulled that one out of your butthole. Well, that was, we watched that Chargers game 500 times. Very true. We watched Phil Rivers and the Chargers, you know, just lose those games. I was going to use the word choke.

That's not fair. It was vintage Phil Rivers. It was losing by three on the road. It really was. It really was. And vintage Chargers. I had the Packers minus three. Nice. That was not fair. It was vintage Phil Rivers. It was losing by three. It really was. It really was. And vintage Charles. I had the Packers minus three. Nice.

That was even odds. Had to sweat that one out. Yeah, of course. Got a little testy. Kirk Cousins. Yeah. I like that. Oh, I like that.

We had the Pats money line at minus 2,000. I was just thrilled. We're just building bank. Once you start seeing these. I had the Ravens money line at minus 700. Now, I did get a little nervous. That was a little bit of a tightener there in the second half. Kyler Murray.

Fortunately, Cliff Kingsbury isn't aware that touchdowns are worth more points than field goals. Right. They had three trips inside the five-yard line, and each of those came away with a field goal. I believe there was a stat that I saw here. The football perspective people, they say the Cardinals are the first team since 1974 to attempt three field goals from inside the five yard line when trailing a football game. That's a long time. It's almost like that doesn't sound like Cliff, the Texas Tech, Cliff Kingsbury.

It's almost like he got fired for being a below 500 coach. This is the guy who went five. Yeah, but all he had was offense. You figure he'd go for it there. But no, that scared me too, House, because I had Baltimore and a bunch of things too. That was nuts. And then the Rams money line.

Yeah, minus 125. That was terrific. Well, I think the Rams have been undervalued for the past two weeks. I don't totally understand it. I don't know what the gamblers and what Vegas is afraid of. This line dipped to Rams minus two. And I just like their team. I think they have three receivers that can break any play

and are super reliable. They can convert any third and eight. I like the running backs. I actually thought Gurley looked pretty good today. Donald went out of that game. What was that? Midway through the second quarter. And it didn't really matter.

Now, granted, Teddy Bridgewater is out there. But I like that they've passed two big check marks and two and 0. So then tonight, Falcons-Eagles, which just finished. It looked like another classic, just horrendous Falcons loss. That was going to be an all-time matt ryan loss and yeah and vault uh vault dan quinn all the way to the top of the first coach fired let's which by the way he's already at the top he passed jay gruden i don't know if that flip plops today or tomorrow yeah wait a minute round of applause well wait a minute we're talking about the the the first two XFL Super Bowl competitors,

Jay Gruden and Dan Quinn. Those are coaches of the year in the XFL. Do you think they'll be that lucky? Let's be respectful here. Yeah. Wow, that's something. Yeah, the Matt Ryan, it was looking like he was on pace for one of those. Remember those couple bad Eli seasons

where Eli would have like 28 picks? He was throwing the game away. All he had to do was just hand off and they probably wouldn't. The Eagles offense was falling apart at the seams. And I was texting with the trifecta. I was like, I would not be against having Ido Smith carry every offensive play, just a handoff from here to the end of the game in the third quarter. I really think it would have been fine, but yeah,

they were a mass those Falcons. I can't believe the Eagles didn't win that. It's a total Eagles win game and a total game. The Falcons would lose. And you saw there's that fourth, fourth down near midfield situation, fourth. And I think it was three had all the makings of either Matt Ryan taking a bad sack or Matt, the tip pass or the interception. There was a variety of ways we've seen it go with Matt Ryan. And yet this time, Eagles do full blitz, and they run the beautiful play.

Little wide receiver screen. Boom. Julio's gone. Flips the game. Wentz almost brought it back. I actually like the way Wentz played today. He had no weapons. He hit. The Eagles got the ball back with like 90 seconds left. He hit Aguilar

in stride. And that would have been a touchdown, I think, and he just dropped it. Well, considering he was... Oh, he dropped it. Yeah, he's probably concussed. Oh, yeah, from earlier in the game. Yeah, he probably played with a concussion. And then he made a crazy catch to keep the drive alive at the 30.

Like, just a rainbow. Like, I don't know how he gets behind all those guys, but. So Sal, you won on that Falcons game, but you had a tough, tough, tough loss with the Broncos plus one against the Bears, where I had that line all over the place. I had plus three, plus two, plus one. I had them to win the game,

but yeah, that was a miserable, miserable three, three and a half hours to root for the Broncos. Are you done betting on Joe Flacco? Please say yes. I think I have to be. I wanted to give the guy credit because I don't think he has to do much to win these games. And like he didn't do much and they should have won the game. And I still think those are some bad calls. Those bad that that roughing the passer call just really set the tone there and gave Trubisky who really, I don't know how many completions he had up until then. It was like probably none.

And he throws it in the middle of the field and they get the time out. Now I'm not sure how it goes. We talk about this all the time. Simmons, if there's three seconds left, five seconds left, don't tackle the guy, the guy who's on his stomach.

He's not going anywhere. He's, he's struggling to figure out what's going on. And then he may be calling a timeout. Don't touch him down. Maybe the clocks go to zero, or they don't see Trubisky's timeout. I don't know. That was just an unfortunate thing.

And then the kid nails the 53-yarder to win. Very big loss for the Broncos. One of my football dreams is to see the defenders, a guy about to touch that guy in that situation, and another defender coming in and cleaning that guy out so he doesn't touch him. And then the refs are confused and two seconds tip off and that's the game. I still don't understand the rule though. And the concept of when the ball carrier gives himself up and how fast it is that I got to say that seemed

really fast today. It seemed very quick, a split second where he was on the ground and they got the time out. Well, that was it. The two didn't even review it. Right. They don't review that. It happened, you know, for, for a league that indulges so much inaccuracy in terms of where they let the ball get marked seconds, fly off the clock in football because of like,

you know, the time that it takes them to run up to lines of scrimmage and whatnot. And then the whole game comes down to a single play where it requires precision execution by everybody inside of seriously one second. The defense has to touch the guy down and they have to call a timeout and the refs have to recognize that all in one second. And that's what happened. It was it was less than a second. Right.

Right. And by the way, Flacco wasn't hovering over the ball. He was 10 yards away trying to get to the ball. He's signaling, making a tee with his hands and somehow the refs are supposed to be looking at that. Yeah, House, it's crazy. Trubisky, I know. That's what they're supposed to be looking at. Split second. Terrible.

One good thing came out. Did you win the bet or you pushed it or what happened? I mean, I had it on all sorts of parlays and stuff, but I guess for the pick online, I pushed on that. So, House, the good news from that game is House came up with the name for Denver's coach that we picked.

We picked as he was just completely asleep during various points in the fourth quarter. Everybody's been talking for how great it is for years and years that Vic Fangio is finally getting his chance. And now we might be seeing why it's taken so long for old Vic to get his chance. House, what was your nickname for him? I mean, this actually started last week when I was sitting there.

We needed Denver to just win that game at Oakland against the chaos of the Oakland Raiders. And the first glimpse I caught of Vic Fangio on the sidelines in that game against the Raiders, like, oh, we're fucked. We're dead. We're cooked. This is Fanny Pack Vic Fangio. Fanny Pack Fangio is out there, and he's also a mouth breather.

I don't think he closes his mouth for more than 35 seconds over four quarters of football. If you can find me a clip of him with his mouth shut for 30 seconds, I'll send you a cheeseburger from House of Carbs. So, Fanny Pack Fangio, no longer allowed to bet on Fanny Pack Fangio. He's a no-bet. No-back Fanny Pack Fangio.

Another big winner. I like that. So we have Jacoby. I will say real quick about Fanny Pack Vic Fangio what a ballsy call to go for two knowing Joe Flacco is your quarterback and is that

could there be a bigger FU to your former team's defense like nah I have no respect for you guys we're not going to overtime we're going to win it

right here with our quarterback who can't move the ball one and a half yard the fact that it went also that the offside half the distance all that weird stuff with the false start.

When they were kicking, there was a whole bunch of weird stuff. He missed the field goal. And the guy was offsides who wasn't even affecting the field goal. He missed it. It was an incredible sequence. He made the ballsy call. They fucked up the execution of it.

Can I interrupt you for one second? Please. Ballsy is not the right word for that call. What? Trying to win the game at the very end there? These quarterbacks, Joe Flacco, I would say it was reckless. It was a reckless call. If I drive on the left side of the highway instead of the right side

and I don't hit any cars, is that ballsy? What did you feel about the moron Doug Marone? Was he a moron or not a moron? Was that ballsy or not ballsy? Simmons is in love with that team. Simmons thinks he can figure out the AFC South. He puts two AFC South teams on a parlay. No one should ever do that in their life.

Talk about reckless. I almost won. It was 11 to 1. If they got the two point, I win the parlay. No one's ever won with two AFC South teams on a parlay. If Fournette goes two more inches, I win the parlay. So Doug Marone, he's got G Minshew, who just heats up. Marvelous Minshew.

Heats up. Marvelous. Dancing around like John Chabot and Saturday Night Fever. Weaving through the Texans. Glorious. Brings them all the way down. Gets the touchdown to bring them within one. And they decide to go for two.

And House and I like it because we're like, nobody is hotter right now than g minchu and his mustache and he's just like he's got the vibe going the whole sidelines into it houston looks gassed i gotta say bill o'brien calls a really good timeout let's his let's his defense regroup g minchu comes back out and they fucking hand the ball off to leonard fournette. I mean. What the hell was that? What in good God's name? What are you doing, Doug Marone?

Were you watching the last two minutes of this football game, Doug Marone? Let the chef cook. Let the chef cook. What are you doing? He would have been coaching. And this, by the way, coming off a big fight with Jalen Ramsey on the sideline. I don't know what was going on there. So he's like, I'm taking matters into my own hand and then

handing him over to Leonard Fournette to screw things up. I would make the joke about on Tuesday the Patriots are going to trade for Jalen Ramsey, but we don't need them because we have the 85 Bears defense. We don't need another cornerback. We're great. So we might give up 30 points all year. I think

that you have, I think the Patriots defense has a deal. I think I might have said last week with Belichick, they want to go all for September without giving up a touchdown. It was amazing. I don't care who you're playing. I know I'm going to get shit for praising the Patriots, but yeah, please do. They had 60 yards of Dolphins. Dolphins

had 60 yards of offense with five minutes left in the fourth quarter. I don't care who you're playing. That's a ridiculous number for defense to keep a team for two and a half hours in a place where they don't normally win. It's hot, all that other crap. They didn't let up for a second. And that was why you didn't praise me

for my Patriots will win by 22 or more. Wager plus 160. And part of it, this is what we talked about last week. I think this Pats team, their defense, and especially the secondary is so good. It's really hard and garbage time because normally

the Pats would give up, you know, dumb touchdowns in the last like 10, 15 minutes of game, but I don't think that's going to happen this year because did express admiration for that. He thought that was a juicy play by you before the games got that at the Rams. I did. I texted. I did, I texted, I said I like that 22 plus. The only team

that screwed me over was the Jekyll and Hyde Bengals who looked awesome last week and were the worst team of the weekend. That was a stink job. Fact check this. I have a question for you. I thought I saw somewhere in the run up to this week's slate that a

road favorite, favored by 16 or more points. There's only been five instances since like the mid-1980s, and not one of those teams has covered. So this is the first time in history. Is that true? I think that's true. And furthermore, the Patriots, when they're 18-point favored or more, are 0-5 against the spread. 5- or more, are 0-5 against the spread.

5-0 straight up, 0-5 against the spread. So they broke their own futility, if you will, in that category. This is history. This is history. That's all. Well, speaking of futility, I'm teaming up with FanDuel to give you a chance to play fantasy football against me, Sal, and the Trifecta. We didn't invite House.

And the best part, the winner gets to fly to Puerto Rico to be our official correspondent for FanDuel's World Fantasy Football Championship Live Finals. You get to room with Harry. Oh, no, we haven't negotiated that. You do get an all-expense-paid trip to enjoy four days' worth of WFFC events in Puerto Rico. You get to be part of all the action. Go to fanduel.com slash ringer to enter and draft your week three fantasy team before the games kick off on Sunday. I just want to tell you how terrible my team was this week.

Although I did have Patrick Mahomes, but unfortunately I had Marlon Mack. I took a flyer on Deion Kane because he was like 4,500. He didn't even have a catch. I'm just not good at Daily Fantasy. I was good at it for about a year. And I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Sal, are you good at Daily Fantasy or no? No, no. Well, I was happy to come in. I looked it up. I was 389th out of 719. And that's good for me. But Big Ben crushed me. I don't know if and when he's coming back, but that was disgusting. He only had three points. He was

probably on his way to five or six total points, so it didn't really matter. But yeah, I'm not that good at Daily Fantasy. Yeah, so I had Mahomes, Jacobs, Mack, Gallup, Kane, Hopkins, Kittle, Galladay, and the Rams, and I barely broke 100 points.

I'm going to do better, America. I don't know who's winning this week. But remember, you can play against me, Sal, in the trifecta on the Ringer Listener League on Fando. It doesn't matter if you missed last week. You can still take home the top prize. Go to Fando.com slash Ringer to enter now. That is Fando.com slash Ringer.

Sal, you're very upset that Antonio Brown played this week. Were you happy to see him on the field against the Dolphins? No, I thought they could have waited a week. I don't feel like they necessarily needed him in the Miami Dolphins game. Well, they maybe couldn't wait a week because isn't the league meeting with the accuser tomorrow, which might lead to an automatic suspension while they sort things out. It could happen. The good news is the leagues handled these situations.

They've done the wrong thing. I would say 80 to 85 percent of the time. So that'll probably happen. Yeah. I wish he I wish he hadn't played this weekend. Personally, I would I would have rather things had sorted out. And I certainly don't think they needed him. But it also deflects the fact that this Patriots team is freaking awesome.

And now Brown becomes the story and he probably should because this is a very weird situation. Well, I was going to ask you guys. Now we talk about week one overreactions. Yeah. I don't think there was one. I really don't. Oh, wow.

Cowboys are pretty good. Patriots are excellent. Dolphins pretty good. Patriots are excellent. Dolphins are horrible. Giants are horrible. What was the overreaction? Maybe that the Falcons were bad. They might still be bad. That's the only one.

Yeah, Kirk Cousins and Aaron Rodgers were kind of on brand both weeks. The most confusing teams to me coming in were the Panthers because I thought the Panthers, I believed in that playoff buzz. I liked them as kind of the best threat to replace the Saints, and something was obviously wrong with Cam, so we got some clarity around that. And then I didn't know what kind of team this Bengals team was, and we've removed all doubt about what kind of team this Bengals team is.

Or they might just be a team that's frisky one week and awful the next week. I will say, though, I didn't think the Niners looked very good last week. I thought from what we saw of Jimmy G this week, it actually looked like he had it going. And they broke some plays today. That's it. He was the second best passer in the NFL today. It just turns out to be the case that that game last week against Tampa

was his last preseason game for all intents and purposes because this was the old Jimmy G. This is the best passing game he's had in two years. Maybe the 49ers are frisky. Look at the Buffalo Bills and the San Francisco 49ers are both 2-0. Both win all four games for those teams on the road.

Both those teams right now as we sit here with a better than 60% chance of making the playoffs in 2019. House, I have two words for you. Simmons, I don't know if you saw, but I offered you a trade in our Fantasy League. Did you see that? I saw it. You offered me Garoppolo for Nick Chubb. No thanks. You're not

doing it? But you collect quarterbacks. You have four quarterbacks. Why don't you want Jimmy G? You laugh at that, but if I had gone into the season with Baker Mayfield and Ben Roethlisberger, I'd be screwed right now. But you know what I did? I, I decided to also get Lamar Jackson who's on both of my fantasy teams. And I got to say is my highlight of 2019. When I look back at 2019 and I think about my experiences with my family and the ringer

and all the things that have happened to me, I'll think of Lamar Jackson first. That was the year that I just said, you know what? I'm tripling down on the Lamar Jackson experience.

All right. That's great. And I'm very happy for you and Mallory, but that even leans more credence to my thing. Why would you need four quarterbacks?

You might as well, Hal, straighten them out on this. You might as well have four kickers. You're not going to be able to trade G. Minchu for anyone. Because I'm ahead of my time. Because quarterbacks are going down like flies. Drew Brees is down. Roethlisberger. All these dudes are getting hurt.

Guess who has got the quarterbacks? Me. I got G. Minshew. You have shitty quarterbacks. No, I have Lamar and Baker and Roethlisberger. Baker stinks and Roethlisberger's out. Sal, can I read you the Niners schedule really quickly? Because it's a little interesting.

All right, but I'm not done with this because let me read you who's on the waiver wire. Stafford, Brissett, Keenum, and Dalton, who two of those or three of those are as good as three of your quarterbacks. Well, I'm waving. I took a flyer on Minshew just to make sure he wasn't Kurt Warner. I stand by it. Niners, 2-0 already. Playing home next week against the Pittsburgh Steelers, who might not have Ben Roethlisberger.

Bye week. Home for the Cleveland Browns. There's a possibility they're four and oh, after the first four, after the first four and then it's four and oh, after their first four at Memorial. Then they're at the Rams at Washington home for Carolina. Cam Newton might be on the IR by that time at Arizona home, Seattle home, Arizona home,

green Bay, three home games at Baltimore at new Orleans home, Atlanta home Rams at Seattle. So second half of the season is stacked, but, um, we might, you were saying you thought the AFC West might have three playoff teams. So the NFC West is throwing their hat in the ring. Yeah. So I'm going to speak for myself here. I think I way underrated the NFC West. Yep.

I mean, I even think Arizona is good. I think Arizona, look for Kyle Murray to screw up your eliminator pool at some point. He will go on the road to Seattle or to the Rams and win and you'll be screwed. And that's the guy who's going to do it. But I underrated the NFC West and I think I way overrated the AFC North

because I'm not sure that I know Lamar's doing... I hate that they weren't able to finish off that lead in a respectable manner. I mean, they've won the game, but who's great? I mean, Pittsburgh's bad. Cincinnati's bad. I think we're going to see that Cleveland's just okay.

I don't know. Yeah. But the West for sure. The shocking thing for me with Pittsburgh is how awful their defense is. You know, and people kind of threw away last week because it was the Patriots. Oh, well, that's what happens. They'll bounce back. Meanwhile, the line's kind of just lingering at three and a half, four.

I think it finally got to four and a half with Seattle, but mostly because Seattle had some injuries. And then Seattle just sliced and diced them. And it doesn't look like the Steelers have it. And then we had them as maybe the third best team in the AFC. And I would like to rescind that commentary. So for playoff teams, just in the AFC, I would say the Pats, I would say Baltimore, maybe two out of the AFC. And then Kansas City. And who knows with the Chargers?

We might have three AFC South teams. Oh, come on. We might. You're in love with that AFC South. We might, Sal. Three AFC South teams for what? We might. For the playoffs.

We might, Sal. The Titans? Mariota Kings are out. It's a total alignment to succeed. What are you talking about? I think the Colts are a 10- has a total like an alignment to succeed what are you talking about I think the Colts are a 10 win team and maybe an 11 win team

I'm a complete Kool-Aid drinker on the Colts Texans 10 wins and then Minshew who knows

they can't protect their quarterback that guy gets sacked every time he drops back every other time so who are your six playoff teams then you have the Chargers

in there still I'm sticking I'm sticking with Denver oh my god Sal oh no back every other time. So who are your six playoff teams then? You have the Chargers in there still? I'm sticking with Denver. Oh, my God. Sal, no. No, not Fanny Pack. Sal, no. Not Fanny Pack, Fangio. No, Sal.

Well, why not Buffalo then at 9 and 7 or 10 and 6? Well, I think 9 and 7 is a possibility. The one thing I've learned this decade, and this is something that has haunted me in years past, and I finally, like two years ago, figured this out,

is if you think something is going to happen before the season, you line up behind it and you get really, you're all in, and it doesn't work out week one or week two or the first two weeks, whatever, just bail. Move on. Admit defeat. You have to admit defeat with Denver. You just have to. Okay.

Flacco's terrible. Well, their schedule's horrendous the rest of the way, so I don't know what I'm holding on to. But, yeah, I saw all I needed to with that game today. Yeah, that interception he had on the goal line, where he not only overthrew the wide-open guy, but also threw it in a way that the defender could just go down the sideline. That was rough.

I mean, look, good career, won the Super Bowl. He had one of the great postseasons of all time, but that's just not somebody who should be a starting quarterback anymore, in my opinion. Hey, remember when Aaron Rodgers was good? They tried. They tried for two and a half hours to give that game away. What was it, 21-0, right?

Yeah. Yeah. And then I don't know what happened there. They had a fourth and one. The play calling, I don't know how they figured out who's making the play calls between LaFleur or Rodgers if they ever figured that out. But that fourth and one right up the gut

when they could have kicked the field goal to be up 17, and then it was all Vikings staying in that game. Yeah, that wasn't fun to watch. I like their defense. I don't love it. I think it was a little overrated in week one because our man Mitch, who, do you know what? Guess what Mitch Trubisky's stats were today, House.

Don't look. I know that. Oh, you know what that is? Well, I knew that he threw for under 120 yards. No, he ended up at 160. He was 16 for 27 for 160 and zero picks and zero interceptions. I mean, I had zero touchdowns. But probably like 70 yards heading into the fourth quarter.

I don't know exactly, but probably right in there. And like 40 on the last drive. He was at 120 heading into that last drive. Oh, that's what it was. But he did make the big play there with nine seconds left. But if you're a Bears fan on the one hand, all you did was you wanted a reliable kicker, right? Well, you got one. The guy just made an awesome kick and probably in a weird way,

might've saved your season because Owen to a Trubisky, I think would have been a lot of trouble. Um, but now you have Trubisky in a draft where you traded up, as has been said a million times, you traded up and decided not to take the Sean Watson or Pat Mahomes. You traded up for Trubisky and he just doesn't look like a quarterback who can be good for four quarters. I haven't seen it.

Do you, what am I missing? Nothing. Sal? No, not good. No, I don't feel it. What am I missing? Nothing? Sal? No, not good. No, I don't see anything either. But these are tough. Supposedly, these are two tough defenses. I'll give him some credit because he was pressured over 40% of the time

last week against Green Bay, which hadn't happened all of 2018. And I think it was probably similar numbers today against Denver. So maybe, maybe, maybe he plays your Redskins next week, House. Maybe we wait one more week. They're going to catch a W. I can assure you of that. House doesn't like when the Redskins are referred as your Redskins to him. I don't mind Redskins.

They can call them the Deadskins. House has changed his pronouns with the Redskins. It's been don't mind. Really? Why not? You could be the, they can call him the Redskins. House has changed his pronouns with the Redskins. It's been this way for a couple of years. I mean, Sal. What am I supposed to

say? I'm sorry. I'll change. What do you want me to say? House, why don't you tell him what pronouns you would

like to use with the Redskins going forward? I didn't catch, I wasn't picking up what you put down because it's so late at night. I know he used some adjectives

to describe. I'm not so smart. It's just dead skins. That's all. One other. We're going to do Guess the Lines in one second. But one other

really, really important thing happened this week. The return of an NFL primetime Berman and Teej. They're on ESPN+.

I've never been happier about an ESPN Plus decision ever. House and I, we watch Falcons-Eagles. We had it on in my hotel room. We watch Succession and put Falcons-Eagles on my iPad because Succession is at the point

where I'm just not missing it when it's on. I'm just not. I'm sorry. I'm watching it. It gets A-station status. It's A-station. I'm not on my phone. I'm 100% missing it when it's on. I'm just not. I'm sorry. I'm watching it. It gets A station status. It's an A station. I'm not on my phone.

I'm 100% locked in. I was kind of glancing at the Eagles a little bit. All in on succession. That ends. Switch it. Put the Eagles back on the TV. And we watched all of NFL primetime on my iPad. Some highlights.

First of all, you're not going to believe this, but Berman did the whole glancing around, couldn't believe where he was thing, which I loved. I love when he does that. Vance McDonald made a catch and he said, Vance McDonald caught the ball. E I E I O. Oh, you should have had me get, I wanted to guess. Do you have any more of those?

Do you want to get, this is good. Yeah. Do you want to guess what, what his move was for Gardner Minshew? Gardner Minshew. All right all right this is gonna be a little uh tough uh gardner uh i mean uh uh gardner minshu fly shoe uh gardner min uh minshu pork i don't know what did he do i don't know he was he was scrambling down the sidelines and he went, men, men, men, shoo! Did the sneeze. And then Tommy says, God bless you.

Yeah, it was great. And then Marcus Robinson on the Chiefs. What do you think he went for there? Marcus Robinson on the Chiefs. Well, that's Mrs. Robinson or Mr. Robinson. Yeah, Mr. Robinson. I'm so glad that show's back. I really missed it. The music. I missed Mr. Robinson. Yeah, Cuckoo Chip Mr. Robinson. I'm so glad that show's back. I really missed it.

The music. I missed Teej. I missed Berman. It's just the best. I'm so happy. Best decision they've made. I loved it. Now that you break it down the way you did,

I could see it happening. I'm thinking I'm working backwards here. I think it happened like Gardner Minshew fills in for Nick Foles and it hits Berman. He's like, I got this great it happened like Gardner Minshew fills in for Nick Foles and it hits Berman. He's like, I got this great sneeze joke for Gardner Minshew. You just got to last one more week. I will pay everyone's salary if we can get this back going on ESPN3. Let's just do it.

I need the world to hear this Minshew joke. I'm so happy it's back. I honestly think it's my favorite highlight show of all time. Really? Yeah. How long has it been on? 35 years? I just, I really missed it.

My life was incomplete while it was gone. I really like it. Oh, you don't count, all right. So you don't count Barkley and Ernie and Shaq and those guys. You don't count that as a highlight? I guess that's a studio show more. I don't know. Yeah, those are probably my two favorites.

But what's great is on the espn plus there's no commercials so it's just it's a solid 45 minute shoot of just berman like just doing it one in you know no no commercials no start overs anything he's just going what i love about tom jackson's like i want the world to see what i have to go through with no commercials sitting here i thought i was gonna one. He could go all the, and then I thought we'd hear like the headsets drop, like Tom Jackson. I'm out of here. Oh, he did it by the way. He did it. I love it. I hope they do it for the next 20 years. It was really good.

I really, really thoroughly enjoyed it. Let's take a break. Let's take a break to talk about 20th century Fox's new film Ad Astra. You may know it from the Latin phrase per aspera ad astra, which means through hardships to the stars. In this movie, Brad Pitt stars as Roy McBride. I've heard of Brad Pitt, an astronaut who travels to the outer edges of the solar system to find his missing father who disappeared in space years ago. A new discovery suggests Roy's dad is still alive, but he may be leading experiments that threaten our entire universe.

It's then up to Roy to save life on Earth by following his father's trail. Ad Astra also stars Tommy Lee Jones, former offensive tackler in his college years, by the way, along with Ruth Naga, Liv Tyler. It was directed by James Gray. The trailers look great. You know what I love, House?

Space movies. There's a lot of them these days. I like going in space. I think I've watched The Martian like 200 times. I'll probably watch this 100. Poop potatoes. Ad Astra hits theaters September 20th. All right, guess theth. All right.

Guess the lines. Week three. Sal, you beat me the first two weeks. Yeah, I don't have a good feeling about this, but I started off okay, but I slipped a little bit. Well, your best chance is House beating both of us, which would count as a loss for both of us.

Okay. What do I win? I'm trying to keep track here. Do I win a sandwich? You guys used to play for sandwiches. I fucking fed you all day. You won that. Yeah, you did. And keep track here. Do I win a sandwich? You guys used to play for sandwiches. I fucking fed you all day. You won that. Yeah, you did.

And gave you drinks. And I won a parlay. I smelled your farts. We watched Succession. What else do you want from me? We're in a tight room right now. Yeah, Jesus. This poor studio.

All right, Thursday night. Oh, man. AFC South. Inner division. My favorite division this year. Mariota, one of my favorite quarterbacks to bet against. Nothing's better than having money

against Mariota when he needs to make stuff happen in the last two minutes. You just feel so safe and great. It happened again today. He's in Jacksonville. He's going against Gardner Minshew II. The stash robbed of his chance to get a two-point conversion.

I think Vegas was dumb enough to make Tennessee favorites in this game. I think Tennessee is going to be favored by one and a half, and I love the Jags. House, what do you have? I was going to say Tennessee by one on the same premise that Tennessee, the Vegas perspective

on what they did to the Browns in week one, and it was a very, very competitive game this week, even though they lost to the Colts. The Colts have playoff pedigree, clearly. So I still think Tennessee would be favored. Sal? All right. I'm not lying.

We both hit this, Simmons. We both said plus one and a half, and Vegas did open it at one and a half for the Titans. There you go. When I lost, I love G I'm in on G. Don't house. There's a lot of games left.

You're you're okay. Don't, don't get down on yourself. It was like 15 games left. Yeah. How about, what was he doing? Was it like stretching and a jock strap in the,

in the locker room? It's great. That whole thing. That was Steve Spurrier, right? The old Joe Namath back. Yeah, it really is.

It's like Joe Namath just came back. And he came back as Gardner Mitchie II. I love it. The Sunday marquee game. This got a woe for me. Not too many good ones. This got a woe for me when I saw it on the schedule. Chiefs Ravens in Kansas City.

This is a great one. Mahomes versus fantasy god Lamar Jackson. Lamar Jackson, in any other season, all we were doing was talking about his fantasy stuff. Mahomes threw four touchdowns in a quarter today. Sal, can he get 60 touchdowns? Is that possible? Oh, man.

It could be close. You know, his over-under every week is two and a half. And it's like, oh, if you throw three, you're on pace for 48 that's close to 50 he's like oh yeah he could do that and let's say he did 50 he could do 55 but the chiefs at one point i was going to text you guys but i didn't want to throw you off your mojo house the chiefs when when they were down 10 nothing were even odds to win that game we have to look out for stuff. Oh man. Yeah. We just do. Yeah. And I,

I will say this. I do regret. Cause we did have the opportunity with the incredible live bet offerings these days. I could have waited on that Rams hedge. The, the, the saints I could have waited.

And if I'd waited for, for until after breeze got injured, I could have spent a lot less money on that hedge you you would have got nice odds when they cut away to breeze trying to attempting to pick up a football and failing right it shot right up to like 10 to 1 yeah that would have been nice house you you were just such a wuss i'm so shamed well i i mean i i'm so ashamed of you but at the same time i knew it was going to work out for my r Rams bet because you're just throwing money away. You were in the perfect situation with the Rams at basically 19-1 just to win.

You're like, I'm going to put a little down to the Saints. I want to make sure I win a little. I won more than a little, buddy. How's got lucky a little bit with Breeze being out? Yeah. Not as lucky as he got with the Colts and the Lions and all those games, but he did get lucky. Well, Chiefs-R Ravens in Kansas City.

I have Chiefs by six and a half. House, what do you have? Wow. Now I'm embarrassed. I was going to say Chiefs by five. Sal? All right, Simmons, you get this. I said Chiefs by seven.

It is, in fact, six and a half. Oh, my God. Jesus. Two and oh for Simmons. Dead on. That's going to be a fun game. Are you disappointed when the Chiefs don't score? It's like a weird thing when they don't score, right?

When they have to punt or something. Well, I thought Tyreek Hill might be something that could potentially set them back. And they just had other... We didn't know who Robinson was. I feel like I watch football every week and I follow it. Cuckoo Chew? Really? Yeah. We were just know who Robinson was. I feel like I watch football every week and I follow it. Cuckoo Chew? Really? Yeah.

We were just calling him Robinson. But they just have these guys. They just plug in who have speed. And Mahomes has the ability to hit them and find little windows of space. And I'm excited for this game, though. This will be – there will be a lot of hype for this one. It will be well-deserved. Well, to be fair, like, what exactly has Baltimore shown us

to warrant, you know, anything closer, right? I'm with you. They did beat up on, you know, that was going to be a tall order as much as I like Kyle Murray now. Arizona on the road. Yeah. And they beat up on the Dolphins,

one of the worst teams in history. It's all true. It's going to be a good test. And that's why I think we should put the Chiefs in the little teaser basket. I like that. All right. I like that too.

I like that too. The case for the Ravens. It's one of those. They have the ball 38 of the 60 minutes. Mahomes is never on the field. Eight minute drives. Lamar just doing his thing. That would be the case.

But I like the Chiefs. Yeah. All right, let's go. A weird litmus test to say with the Raiders. But the Raiders were up 10-0. I don't know, five minutes into the game.

They shut them down the whole rest of the way. Pretty good. Yeah, House was really praising Derek Carr there for a second. Talking about how nice the ball looked coming out of his hands. And then we quickly moved on with a half hour.

Derek Carr had a nice moment for us, though, in the living room. We were like, ah, Derek Carr, he's back. That fade pattern in the end zone that was thrown right to the D-back was spectacular. It was bad. I don't know how he did it. Well, I think Matt Ryan, if you're just talking about who's had the most worst throws this year,

Matt Ryan and Cam Newton are in the conversation. Kirk Cousins would like a word. And Kirk Cousins is in there as well. I watched every minute of Bucks-Panthers because I was flying back east. And I had JetBlue. I was flying to New York. And Cam had 12 uncatchable passes. And it was weird.

Troy Aikman was just like, I think Cam's fine. I think he's okay. I think this stuff about his arm strength is overblown, blah, blah, blah. And it was like, what are you watching? Like, he's not throwing the ball in the direct line to anybody who's on his team? And then in the fourth quarter, he was fine. Like, yeah, Cam's got to make that throw. fourth quarter, in the fourth quarter, he was finally like, yeah, Cam's got to make that throw.

Cam was just missing. I mean, he was 0 for 7 at one point. When you're seven straight incompletions against Tampa Bay, come on. It would be really bad. I mean, that's a 31st ranked defense in the league last year. You got to put up points at home.

You just have to. But Joe Flacco, I don't know how much he paid you to not mention him in the league last year. You got to put up points at home. You just have to. But Joe Flacco, I don't know how much he paid you to not mention him in the conversation of ugliest throws. Yeah, you're right. I blocked all of his throws out from last week. I wanted to steal this point for myself because I was really jealous of it, but I'm not going to do that

because I don't operate that way. Michael Vick on the 11 o'clock Fox show today. I woke up on East Coast time. It's so boring, Sal. You wake up and it's just all morning. There's no football. It's just terrible pregame shows that you're just stuck with. That's what the time you use that to come up with delicious six-way

parlays. Maybe that's why we won bets today. But Michael Vick, you know at the beginning when they go around and everybody's got their big point. It's like everybody's like in the meeting. It's like and everybody's got their big point it's like everybody's like in the meeting it's like

what's your what's the most important thing you're gonna say and everybody's like oh yeah and then I'm gonna and Michael Vick had a really good one

he said this is gonna be Cam Newton's last season in Carolina and everybody kind of recoiled and he's like he had a great run

took him to the Super Bowl won an MVP he's had a really good decade but I think think it's going to end after this season. I think he's going to be done in Carolina. I was like, that's actually a good prediction. I wish I had stolen that. Not looking good for the Panthers. Yeah.

Oh, I didn't think. Why? People like shuddered at the thought? No, it was just people were kind of like kind of shocked, but at the same time kind of going, yeah, he's probably right. Does that mean he's going to be out of football or going to be somewhere else? I know he's going to be. He's going to be a backup somewhere?

Where is he going to be? The Washington Redskins. Don't even say it. Yeah. I don't know if you used the right pronoun. He's going to be at their Redskins. The owner was going to shut Cam down this year, the Panthers owner. Like, yeah, we have to see how it goes.

Like in the offseason, there was a chance he wasn't going to start. Three games for the watchables this week. Not a lot. That means we only have four good games unless you count G Minshew versus Barry Oda. First one, my Colts, my team, giving it to you. They came within, if Adam,

poor Adam Vinatieri, it sounds like he's going to retire on Monday. If, if he had been remotely competent in those first two games, they would be 2-0. They would have won last week

and this week should not have been as hairy as it was. Their home against Matty Ice in the Atlanta Falcons. I have the Colts favored by three and I think it's too low. House, what do you have?

Just regular old two and a half. Regular old home field advantage for the Colts favored by three, and I think it's too low. House, what do you have? Just regular old two and a half. Regular old home field advantage for the Colts. Sal? I completely whiffed on this. I thought, I don't know when I did this during the Falcons game, but I was feeling Falcons love, and I said Falcons by two. It's a bad, bad

whiff. House gets it. Two and a half is right. Colts favored. I'm on the board, baby. Congrats house. Thank you. I love the coats. I might, I might bet this after we finished the podcast. Do you know what the Brissette numbers weren't amazing,

but Frank Reich has confidence in him. Like they were on their own 20 with 30 seconds left in the first half. And he's throwing, they want to score there. This is not, this is not a backup that wasn't expected to play all year. with 30 seconds left in the first half, and he's throwing. They want to score there. This is not a backup that wasn't expected to play all year. They don't treat him like that at all. Well, their receivers, other than Hilton, it's below average. And their tight ends are good, and they have running backs who can catch the ball.

But the third and longs, I think, would be the problem with them. But, yeah, I agree with you. I thought last week he showed a ton of confidence with him down the stretch in that Chargers game. And they really took their time and same thing for this week. I like the Colts. Chargers-Texans is taking place in Los Angeles in Carson. And, you know, it's actually a good thing for the Chargers because it's not like the

Texans have generations of fans that will travel for this game. I have the Chargers laying four to the Texans' house. Wow. I'm just going to say two and a half again. A little just bare, regular old home field advantage for the Chargers. I didn't like it. The reason I went higher is because I didn't like how Watson seems to be running

for his life in these games. Sal, what do you have? House. House takes it here. Simmons. You went four. I went four. House goes two and a half.

Line is three. Oof. The line is three. And you know why? Because the old Chargers are back, baby. Two touchdowns called back. Two missed field goals.

Yeah. A fumble at the one. Right. They are back. You name it. They touchdowns called back. Two missed field goals. A fumble at the one. They are back. You name it. They did it all today. After that really impressive game last week, Anthony Lynn called Mike McCoy for some advice on how to

screw up more with these games. That's embarrassing for the Chargers that it's only three. Your light's on, House. Of course it is. God, House, it's like being with my dad. You're blinding me with this iPhone light. What does that mean, his light's on?

His light's on his phone. We're past House's bedtime. You can't door dash in the dark, Simmons. You gotta be able to look at what you're looking at. The last watchables, we're in Seattle, and they're playing the 101 Saints. And this, to me, screams, I know I hit this exactly,

Seahawks by three. House? I feel like it's going to be more because it feels like we're going to get news. I'm just going to hedge the Teddy Bridgewater development. I'm going to say Seahawks by four. Okay. Well, we could skip this one.

I had three also, Simmons. No line. Yeah, there's no line. They don't know what's going on with Breeze. I think he's staying in L.A. to get his thumb or hand checked out tomorrow, right? Yeah. Why is it that these guys can't get MRIs on Sunday? Do they wait for the swelling to go down?

I don't understand. What's the wait again? I didn't understand either. Roethlisberger too, same thing. Sal, I did not like the Saints heading into the season. I picked the Bucs to win this division. I just couldn't talk myself into the Saints. One of the reasons was I thought this had heavy potential

for Breeze to have the year he got old season. Now, there was a fluke injury today. I can't take credit for that. But it is the kind of thing that happens when you're having

the season from hell. The thing is, they pulled out that Texans game. I think Teddy Two Gloves, worst case scenario, could go into Seattle and do what Andy Dalton did. Or shut him down completely, Seattle could.

I have no idea what to think about the Seattle team. I don't want to overreact to Bridgewater because I think it's tough to get called into a game cold like that. Right. It's just pretty average. I think it's a more substantial drop-off. He sure waits a long time back there. He really does wait.

He takes his sweet time in the pocket. Yeah, if I was betting against them, I would be more scared of Taysom Hill. Just because I just don't think Bridgewater is very good. I don't see it. I was surprised that they gave him the contract they gave him to be Breeze's backup in the first place because I just don't think what he brings

to the table is that much different than the typical backup. We're gonna take, we're gonna take a break and then do the rest of the slate. Let's talk about LaCroix Sparking Water House. What am I holding in my hand right now? Well, you're drinking one. We walk in the studios and there's a whole refrigerator full of LaCroix. And there was like 14 flavors. And what did I go with? Pure. I'm a pure kind of guy. At 1130 on a Sunday. LaCroix gives health-conscious consumers refreshment, flavor, and sparkle with an innocent twist of zero calories, zero sweeteners, and zero sodium.

Enjoy flavors derived from natural sources with natural fruit essences. Their newest flavor, hibiscus. It's delicious, crisp, refreshing. Just like all the other flavors that include tangerine, mango, passion fruit, peach pear, coconut, a whole bunch of others, and pure. Don't forget pure. The whole Simmons family, just huge fans. And the thing is, they keep adding new flavors to the Nikula theme,

including coconut cola, cubana, coffee, exotica, all of which contain no caffeine or alcohol, only naturally enhanced essence flavors. So LaCroix Sparking Waters and LaCroix Curate Sparking Waters, gluten-free, vegan, kosher, non-GMO, Whole30 approved, environmentally friendly, perpetually sustainable, the cans,

recyclable, the cans. Whole Simmons family loves it. It's a healthier alternative for you and your lifestyle. Available nationwide. For more information and a full list of retailers, go to LaCroixWater.com and join the LaCroix community on social at LaCroixWater. All right, the barely watchables. We'll zoom through a couple of these. The Packers are home against South Denver Broncos. You just can't quit them. They're stuck on him like a, like a whiff of cheap cologne. I have green Bay at home laying seven and a half to the Denver Broncos. I went high. What do you have, Sal? I'm going to say six, just on the idea that the Broncos and each of their two losses thus far this season

have been one score losses. So that's why I'm going to roll with that. Okay. Sal? I don't think that's a terrible take at all. In fact, I have them at six. Simmons, you're going to get this one. They opened at eight, the Packers did. But isn't this just a typical game that the Packers blow in the final minutes?

I mean, put this in the tees basket. Sal, did you put this in the tees basket? Packers? Yeah, but yeah. And then Denver bites us in the ass. But sure, I'll throw it in the basket. What do I care? And it'd be funny if we have Green Bay and Kansas City, right?

Well, just say they're in the tease basket. We might have some more teams coming. I'm, I'm not a hundred percent sure that this Packers thing's going to work out. I, cause they're doing this whole thing. God forbid we ever criticize Aaron Rogers or wonder if maybe he's just passed his prime at this point.

But what if it doesn't turn around? Like, how hard is it once he learns Matt LaFleur's offense? I thought Aaron Rodgers was like a genius. The season already started. He's still learning the offense, getting comfortable in it. What's wrong with this? Well, they're running the ball pretty damn good. Yeah, so how hard is it to just play action?

I don't understand this. Sal, what's your take? I don't know why they Sal, what's your take? I, I don't know why they gave up such a lead, but in house, you're right with those numbers. Uh, Jones had 116 on the ground.

Williams had some tough rushes there too. I don't know why the Vikings were still in this game, but I do think they said, you know, Rogers is 27 and 27 is last 54 heading into this year. So I think everyone was like, hey, screw you. The perception is that you're the greatest of all time or top five or top three playing right now.

But we're going to switch things up. But I don't see an identity yet with this offense, right? That's what it's missing. But you haven't seen an identity for three years. It's funny. I think people tend to think Rodgers was probably the quarterback of the decade, right? If you were going to say

who was the best quarterback this decade, I think most people would be like, oh, it was Aaron Rodgers. Brady's stats are so much... Rodgers, Flacco. One of those two. Flacco, probably.

I'm just saying, Brady's stats are so much better than Rodgers' stats. Regular season is way better. He won three Super Bowls. He's been in eight straight conference championships. And all you dumbasses out there think Aaron Rodgers was the quarterback

of the decade. Go look at the stats. Brady's much better. You know what, Mr. Fantasy? That's all it comes down to. Aaron Rodgers went for like $14. Tom Brady went for $1. And you let him sit there and die as a $1 bid. I had three quarterbacks. I didn't know they were going to get Antonio Bradley. Well Brady went for $1. And you let him sit there and die as a $1 bid.

I had three quarterbacks. I didn't know they were going to get Antonio Brown. Well, you have four now. Speaking of Antonio Brown, his former team, the Raiders, he had an emotional four-month run with them.

They are home playing House's favorite quarterback to bet against, Kirk Cousins. This has all the makings. We have a home dog. This is our second home dog. We are in a home dog situation where home dogs were 2-3 last week.

They were 1-5 this week heading into tonight and almost 1-6. And then Matty Ice pulled the long touchdown out of his butt. So they are four and eight, the home dogs. After we did that whole thing, Sal, about home dogs, the first couple weeks of the season, it was dead wrong. We gave out bad advice. But we have a home dog here. I really like the Raiders.

But let me first explain what's going on to House. It might not be clued in on this. So once a week, at least, Simmons thinks one team is home and they're away, and the other team is gone. Here we go. We hit it. We did like four or five games. What the F is going on here?

Leave this because I want people to know. No, leave this. You know what I want them to know? I'm fallible. I make mistakes too. People look at me and they're like, that guy never makes a mistake. It just makes it seem so easy. So seamless. People do think that, you know, I'm human. I bleed. I go to the bathroom. Are you sticking with your three and a half? I don't know. I kind of feel like you have to stick with it. Uh, well,

I'm going to keep all the home dog stuff in there. Unfortunately, this game's in Minnesota and, uh, and I'm going to say Minnesota by seven and a half. home dog stuff in there. Unfortunately, this game's in Minnesota. And I'm going to say Minnesota by seven and a half. House? Bill was confused. He thought the Raiders were moving to Minnesota, not Vegas.

That's what I would say. Seven and a half. All right, House, it's just like an absurd. Now, this isn't fair. It's absolutely absurd

that I'm going to say that a team with Kirk Cousins at quarterback is going to be, I think they're going to say that a team with Kirk Cousins at quarterback is going to be – I think they're going to be favored by eight. Yeah, that's my guess for this. I think that I'm playing this on the protest because I said eight and a half. Hal says eight. Simmons changes his from three and a half to seven and a half,

and it's F and seven and a half. So Simmons wins that game. Wow. I didn't change it. I just had the wrong information. Then I adjusted. Unbelievable. You wrote I didn't change it. I just had the wrong information. And then I adjusted. Unbelievable. You wrote that? Yeah, okay.

I'm turning 50 in a week, and there's a lot of Vikings Raiders moments in my future. Writing the wrong things in caps. Hey, you know who else is in caps? The New England Patriots. Yeah. Another brutal schedule game for them coming off, uh,

you know, having to go all the way to Miami and playing that hot weather against a really frisky dolphins team that just ran out of gas. Now, now they're home against the jets who we haven't seen the Monday night game yet. We know Sam Donald won't be playing guessing Trevor Simeon will be out there. And I have the Patriots

by 16, House. What do you have? Oh, my God. I can't believe this. We're going to go three straight games without a team scoring a touchdown against

the effing Patriots. It might happen. Is that really what we're up against? It might happen. Shout out to Jamie Collins. Today, the world's greatest athlete running another touchdown back. I miss to Jamie Collins today, the world's greatest athlete,

running another touchdown back. I miss that guy. God, love that guy. This is loathsome. I'll say the Patriots by 18 after the 18 that they covered today. Sal? All right, I like that. I went way low.

I said 15, Simmons 16, House 18, Vegas 17 and a half. Hey! House. Oof, oof House, 18. Vegas, 17 and a half. Hey! House. Oof, oof, oof. I will say we saw a glimmer, a tiny glimmer of hope in the future of the NFL when the Dolphins challenged the no-pick pass interference on the Patriots. I was like, oh, this isn't going to work. I'd lay 101 odds on this.

And they called it a pick. And I was like, oh, if they could just retroactively call all these pick plays, offensive pass interference, we'd be so much better as a nation. I don't think they could do that. I think teams have screwed this up. I don't think they totally understand the pass interference rules and that they should be challenging these and using their timeouts. We've seen it a few times.

We saw it today. I forget who the team was. It was near the end of the first half. And they had, like, two timeouts left anyway. It's like, why not just challenge it? Is it one a half or is it one per game? I believe it's half. I might be wrong on that. I'm not sure. I hate

the rules so much. Well, Dallas got one against the Redskins. I mean, when there's 20 seconds left and you think maybe there's a chance your guy got interfered in the end zone or whatever, just throw the flag. Why not? Why not? Yeah.

I don't think coaches have figured this out yet. Next one. Eagles are home. The potentially really banged up Eagles against a Detroit Lions team that I wouldn't call that. Can we go back, Bill? I'm sorry. Can we go back to the Mono thing? I don't know how much you've discussed this,

but a couple of things. The fact that Joe Namath never got Mono, that Sam Darnold was the first and only Jet quarterback to get Mono, that's unbelievable. Secondly, what kind of odds would you put on Jimmy G to get Mono before Sam Darnold? I think he has other things. Jimmy G has other issues.

Come on, guys. He might be listening. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. All right. Go on to the line. We just praised Jimmy G before. Now we're saying he has to. I'm trying to build him up so I can trade him to you. He's got a hot box. The Lions pulled out a win today, but House, would you

describe them as well-coached? I mean, it is incredible that there are two coaches in the NFL that are ahead of Matt Patricia as most likely to get fired, most deserving of getting fired. I'm sorry that I used the moron for Doug Marone because the true moron alliterative is moron Matt Patricia. I call him malpractice Matt Patricia. Malpractice Matt? Yeah, I mean, that may be a little more technical.

Holy cow, is he terrible. You know what else he is, House? Tell me. He's undefeated. He's undefeated. He's 1-0-1. Yep. Not losing all year. 1-0-1. Yep. Not losing all year.

15-0-1. He's Eagles at home against the Lions. I have the Eagles by six and a half. House? I'm going to say Eagles by seven. All right. House and I get this. It's Eagles by eight.

Does this go in the bin or the basket? No. This is a stay away. We don't know who... Really? After a Philly loss, huh? We don't know what receivers the Eagles are going to have. If Nelson Aguilar is their number one receiver, I don't feel good about that. Yeah. Well, we know what receivers the Lions

have. I don't know. Well, Gallaudet's good. That's it. Berman had a nickname for him today. Hold on. Hold on one second. Did he start singing Madonna like Holiday? No. If he had done that, I would have told that to you immediately.

No, he did Happy Galladay. Oh, there you go. That's nice. It was great. I fucking miss Berman. I just love that show so much. I really get a kick out of it. Panthers at Arizona.

And this has... Is this a loser leaves town match, Sal? Kind of feels like it is. Yeah. Yeah, I think it is. Neither of these teams... Because the NFC West is tough. Yeah.

I don't think either of these teams is capable of West is tough yeah I don't think either of these teams is capable of rallying from 0-3 to make the playoffs well the Cardinals aren't 0-3 they're 0-1-1

Arizona has a tie yeah no I forgot so they'd be 0-2-1 I still say loser leaves town I got killed on this line

I wish you both a lot of luck but this is this is my worst I have the Panthers favored by 3 in Arizona I got killed on this line. I wish you both a lot of luck, but this is my worst. I have the Panthers favored by three in Arizona. How sweet do you have? I'm going to say the Panthers by one, just because these Cardinals hang around and hang around and hang around,

and they beat the odds of how they're being held back by their moronic coach. What? What the hell did he say? I thought you said obscenity. No, no. Get him some food. It sounded like you said the C word. Or some jerky.

Oh, no. I didn't mean that. It's at way after midnight. Kingsbury. Wow. It is an alliteration. I'm not going to call Kingsbury a c**k because I don't think that's the word. Hey, you can't say that.

No, Kyle has to bleep that. That was the word that you said. That's how he might have said it. You thought I said it. Kingsbury the c**t. Kyle's got to bleep that too. Kyle's going to be up until 3 in the morning bleeping stuff. No, it's 8 o'clock on the West Coast, for Christ's sake.

It's happy hour. Listen, hold on. If we need that c**t Kyle to bleep things, then he's going to have to do it. That's all. It's his job. That's what the money is for. Plus three is exactly right. I can't believe it.

I thought it was a pick. Wow. I just do not. I can't imagine any scenario where I would take the Panthers minus three against any team in the league that's not the Dolphins No way Maybe the Jets? Oof

Last game for the barely watchables I put Panthers cards probably as a poop fact again but I think Carla Burr is just really fun I agree I don't think he deserves to be in the poop fact I just want to watch the fourth quarter of all his games Yeah I'm officially in I like think he deserves to be in the poop factory. I just want to watch the fourth quarter of all his games now. Yeah. I'm officially in.

I like that he's revived Larry Fitz, too. Oh. How can Larry Fitz be so open? Like, every time in that fourth quarter. Yeah, he's open by 25 yards. It looks like it, doesn't it? It's incredible. Dusting people.

Last one is the 49ers at home against God knows who quarterbacking the Pittsburgh Steelers. And for first coach fired, they would never fire Mike Tomlin during the season, right? There's no scenario where that happens, so. No, they can't do it. I agree. No chance. Listen, Tomlin's never had a losing season. This, you know.

Cut him a break. What if they start out 0-6? No. I agree. I think he goes down as one. He just can't beat your team when it counts, but he goes down as one of the most underrated coaches out there. Or overrated.

One or the other. I would go with overrated, personally. Over? Yeah. Who likes him? Everyone's calling for his head all the time. Is there a line on this game? Well, he's just been around.

Well, there's no line on this. We could skip this one, too. There's no line on this. We could skip this one, too. There's no line on this. So Steelers go at San Francisco this week, home for Cincinnati, but it's a Monday night ESPN game, week four, home for Baltimore

at the Chargers. Bye week. There's 0-6 potential out of that. Now, Cincinnati's the easy game, but those Cincinnati-Pittsburgh games are always tough. We looked at theirs. They and the Ravens had miserable, miserable schedules for that AFC North.

One more break, and we'll go to the Poopfecta. Hey, let's take a break. Have you tried M&M's Caramel Yet House? No, I had no idea this existed. Caramel has been square for far too long, and M&M's is doing their part by giving you that familiar flavor in a package you love. And I know you love house.

I know you love it. It's a package I love. As always, M&M's knows how to bring spontaneous fun. Just like house is 16 parlay today. That was some spontaneous fun. What else has been spontaneously fun for you, Sal? Other than Succession. I got a record.

I don't know. I'm trying to think. I like Fleabag. Fleabag's good. My daughter really liked Tall Girl on Netflix. She thought it was a brilliant idea, and she wants to recommend it out there to everyone under 20. She thought it was just really well done. Spontaneous fun for her watching that one. Hey, with M&M's caramel,

caramel. Is it caramel or caramel? Why do I always say caramel? I say caramel. That's a message you're trying too hard with caramel. With M&M's caramel, we can all agree that caramel is more fun than ever. Go grab some M&M's caramel today and let your taste buds go for a ride. How so you put M&M's on popcorn before, right? Oh my God. Are you kidding? I'll put M&M's anywhere. I really love M&M's.

What's better than when it gets all hot and soggy in the bottom of the popcorn bucket? You get that salty and the sweet and the crunchy and the crunchy. Come on now. Let's go do that. All right. So check that out. All right. It's poop fact of time.

Should we go over the numbers? You have five. Hal says four. I have two. This is not looking good for me. Do we change the poop facta to Kendall Roy's poop bed? Or do I keep it as poop facta? Kendall's poop bed?

Did something happen today? I didn't watch. No, it's just it's iconic it's from last week we've never had somebody poop all over himself in their own bed

on a TV show before I gotcha I don't know we had the godfather horse we had cartoon cartoon's head waking up in

Jack Waltz's bed and then we have Kendall Roy's poop bed I like Kendall Roy's poop bed alright Kendall's poop bed why wasn't Jets why wasn't Jets Pats in the poop factor or's poop bed. I like Kendall Roy's poop bed. All right. Kendall's poop bed. Why wasn't Jets,

why wasn't Jets, Pats in the poop factor or the poop bed? Because the Patriots are, haven't given up a touchdown yet. This is compelling stuff. So. I know.

It sucks to watch. And then the Jets haven't won in Gillette in like 12 years or something. First one. At Buffalo. I know who you're putting in there. At Buffalo.

Playing the Bengals. I had to put this in the poop fact. It's a borderline barely watchable, but if this game, if I have four TVs to work with, I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be on one of the four TVs. I have the Bills favored by three and a half. House? This is an 0-2 game.

2-0 against 0-2. A perennial. Just be careful. Can I take the same number as you? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to take three and a half off, so I agree with that. Ooh, all right.

I get this one. I went way, way high. I went seven, but the line is five and a half. So... Ooh, Vegas. One and a half off. You're two off. All right.

I'll take it however I can. Yeah, this might be... The Bills have won in in the Meadowlands or whatever you want to call it. Met life. Both games, right? There really should be three teams playing in that stadium. And those counters. I think we don't overreact to the bills right now. Those counters road games.

They won their first two games on the road. It's incredible. Yeah. I mean, pretty good. There's some building buddingding a little bit of excitement. They could be 3-0 heading into home for the Patriots week four. Well, then they're 3-1. That's great.

And then they go at Tennessee, home Miami. 5-2. Listen, every year there's a bad team that either makes the playoffs or almost makes the playoffs. And there's a chance it's Buffalo. I like Singletary. He's fine. They're running back. Yeah, he's Buffalo. I like Singletary. They're running back. Yeah, he's good.

I have him on. He's a nice bonus. I have him in our fantasy league. Let me just add to what Hal said. Betting against a team beginning the season with back-to-back road games. This is from our friend Ben Falks. Back-to-back road games was 14-1 against the spread. Betting against the teams.

This year, it went 0-4. Bills, Chiefs, Colts, 49ers all covered in their second game back-to-back. I don't know what that says. Well, I know what this says. We've been doing guess the lines for a long time, Sal. I never remember writing down a higher line for your Dallas Cowboys to be favored by than the line I wrote down. You've really done it.

You have Zeke's back. for your Dallas Cowboys to be favored by. Me neither. The line I wrote down. You've really done it. You have Zeke's back. Your defense is good. You have two good receivers. Your quarterback is making a really nice contract run. I would dangle that contract in front of him like a carrot. Just wave it for him as he's been pretty good. I have the Cowboys by 19 at home against Miami. What do you have, House?

Why would it be less than 20? Like, what indication from Miami suggests that they can score any points against any NFL team? I'm going to say Dallas by 20 and honestly, I think people will pound three score favorites until Miami shows that they can score twice in a football game.

It's fair. What do you have, Sal? Or once, yeah. I have 19. Simmons has 19. House has 20. Vegas has 21. House gets that one. House? Well, I mean, that makes sense. What is it that Miami is going to do to keep them within 21? I know I'm not feeling cocky.

He's right, and it also could get worse. They're talking about trading Drake Fitzpatrick to the Cowboys, which that would be weird if it happened this week, and Kenyon Drake this morning was rumored to be in the trade on the waiver wire there for the dolphins so i don't know where it's gonna this poor coach this poor freaking coach has to sit there for 16 weeks really bad and he was good last year in the pats i thought they liked him floris and and now he's in the brett brown, basically. So we see the Cowboys at 21, and we see the Patriots at 17,

and I was thinking, I was like, two games? I don't think we've ever seen two games in a week that high, and I did some digging, and it hasn't happened since 1987, week five. I can't even remember what these teams looked like. Three teams were favored by that much. 49ers, 23.5 over the Falcons. Bears, 19 over the Vikings. And the Cowboys, 21 over the Eagles.

But it's been 87, 32 years since we've seen even two games that high. Well, if you go to the NFL standings, the AFC East looks like it's on crazy pills. The Patriots are 2-0 with a plus 73 point differential. They've scored 76 and given up three. And then you go down two spots, and the Dolphins are on two. They've scored 10 points and given up 102. They're minus 92.

Wow. Jesus. Oh, my God. So if you look at it. they're minus 92 wow Jesus oh my god so if you look at so the Patriots are going to be plus 100 through three weeks

if they hold if they just like push even on the spread they'll be right they'll be right there well I think this has a chance to be

the highest line for Miami the rest of the way because they're home for the Chargers that won't be over 21 and then it goes Washington, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Jets, Colts, Buffalo, Cleveland.

They're home for Philly. At Jets, at Giants, home since then, at New England. So maybe that New England game, but by that time, New England will have everything wrapped up. So I think 21 will probably be the peak unless they make some more trades. One more Kendra Roy poop bed game bucks. Do you think real quick, do you think knowing that the Cowboys,

I really think they would have beaten these two teams, Redskins and giants without Zeke, but instead they had Zeke and Dak flexed his muscles so much that Jerry's going to be in the tank for another $10 million. Maybe did he screw up? I mean, I guess we all know he screwed up. He just, Zeke had him over a barrel and took the money, right? Who screwed up?

Could he have waited on Zeke? Would it have been better for the Dak situation? Would they still have been 2-0 facing the Dolphins, a double-digit underdog? I would have waited to really push ahead with Zeke until week four at New Orleans. If I was Dallas. I don't think you needed him for the first three. I think it was in the bag the whole time.

What do you mean? They had the deal cut already? I just think they knew they were going to take care of it. They let Zeke go. They let him save them the wear and tear from training camp. So this is, it was a public relations thing. So that the rest of the Dallas Cowboys who were in training camp were not feeling like assholes because they gave special treatment to Zeke, even though they cut a deal for Zeke probably in July.

Like, hey, Zeke, do you want to go to Cabo for training camp this year? We want to save your legs. And that's what I could see that. It's quite brilliant. It's quite brilliant. Honestly, I think if I'm Prescott, I'm trying to get this contract extension done at some point over the next 10 days. Because then they go at New Orleans, home Green Bay, at the Jets, home Philly. He's never going to be better than he is now.

And we're never going to see a guy just be happy playing for the year that he's paid for. Sal, you watch that Cowboys game closely. I don't think we can overstate how bad the Giants defense is. And I bring that up because our next game is Tampa at home against the Giants. And I think every year there's a team that throws us off their scent in some way. Tampa just looks so atrocious in week one. And I actually thought they played well in week two in Carolina on short rest. They took care of the ball.

I like their receivers. If anything, they could have won by four. Jameis missed some throws. But they have a chance to get going against this Giants defense. And I have the Bucs only favored by six, and I want to put them in the teaser bucket. I agree with the –

I like this Bucs by six because I think this could be the Daniel Jones week. Oh. So, I mean – All right. What do you have, Sal? I said six and a half, and it is six and a half, so I get another one here. Well done, Sal.

Still, I'm not going to – No, I I get another one here. Well done, Sal. No, I'm not going to, but I'll say this. You can't talk enough about how bad that secondary is for the Giants. I mean, Cole Beasley, God bless him, good slot receiver. He's lining up wide and getting open like 18 yards down the field with a 14-yard cushion. I can't believe what I'm watching with this Giants team. I almost think like Tampa Bay is like, hey, we got 10 days

to prepare for the Giants. And it's like, all right, that's right. We don't need to watch tape. It's okay. They should go to Cabo. Yeah, exactly. Well, listen, if the Seahawks beat the Saints, the Saints are 1-2. We assume the Bucs are going to

beat the Giants. They'll be 2-1. Carolina's either going to be 1-2 or 1-2. We assume the Bucs are going to beat the Giants. They'll be 2-1. Carolina's either going to be 1-2 or 0-3. And then who's the other team in that division? Falcons. And the Falcons, 1-1. As bad as Atlanta look tonight in their win, they really could be right up there at the end of the season.

But they're going against my Colts next week. So there's a chance the Bucs are leading the NFC South. Sal, you mocked me in our over-unders before the season. I had the Bucs 20-1 to win the division. Yeah. Not out of the question. I didn't mock you. I just want to throw caution to them.

I feel like I've lost with Tampa Bay four to the last four years. I'm not saying trust them, but it's just I think that division's not that good. And 9-7 could take that division. So we'll see what happens. Sunday night, Rams at home playing the Browns. We have no idea what to expect from the Browns. The Browns will probably have an easy game against the Jets. Hopefully their left tackle won't get kicked out again.

We'll see if Baker looks better than he did. My guess is it's a lot of Nick Chubb. Hold on, I think you did it again. I think you did it again. Did you say Rams at home? Twice in one show. I did it again? I think you did it again. I did it a second time? Twice in one show. I did it again? Unbelievable.

Come on. Did I? How do you read these? No, the team after the at is the home team. No, I don't do it that way, though. I go to the ESPN scoreboard app because I don't want to see the lines. So I go to their scoreboard app, and I just look at the matchups, and I was doing maybe a little hastily.

So it's in Cleveland. It's in Cleveland, yeah. Happy birthday to you. Oh my god. Get this guy some Viagra. Alright, now change the line and get it exact.

Right. Rams, I have the Rams favored by three in Cleveland how about that three only three

yeah the Rams by six the Browns stink they're gonna beat the hell out of the Jets tomorrow and they still stink and the Rams

I mean I'll stop wow alright well he did it again to his house he changed his number and it ended up being closest to it's two and a half. I said three and a half. It's Vegas has two and a half Rams favorite.

Or maybe I, maybe I know where the game is all along and I'm just trying to suck you guys out. I love this. Maybe that's what I'm doing. All right. Let me just say, going into this last one, Simmons has six. I have five house has five. Wow.

Going into the last one, but we do want to, Simmons has six. I have five. House has five. Wow. Going into the last one. But we do want to. Why do we have to see the Browns on two primetime games? They're on five primetime games this year. Enough with the Browns already. Because they had premature scheduling. They got so excited because the Browns had Baker Mayfield and Odell, and they just lost their minds and decided that they were going to be this awesome team.

I know. Big mistake. They fell for all the hype. So dumb. We had some list their nominees for nicknames for Freddy Kitchens because remember we were talking last week about Freddy. It looks like he's standing in front of a 7-Eleven. Some people are saying, call him Scratch Card Freddy Kitchens.

Some people are saying Freddy soup kitchens. I don't feel like we're there yet. House, if you have any ideas. I mean, this is my area of expertise, House of Carbs. I should have a couple kitchens. Freddy Five Fingers, Freddy Middle Fingers. Oh, it's a play on Freddy rather than kitchens. Or kitchens, whatever.

All right. You can marinate on that. Monday night, Chicago at Washington? Did I get that right? This is it. Yep. You got it. You did get that one right.

How's what... Before I guess the line, how many Bears fans are going to be there, do you think, roughly? It's a stadium that holds 75,000 people? I don't know how many people

the stadium holds because every year they remove another 15,000 seats so that it looks full. We could be down to 30,000 right now. I would say that whatever the maximum is, it's going to be 80 to 85% Bears fans. This is one of the great gambling opportunities of all time, except for the fact that Mitch Trubisky is involved, which makes it not an opportunity anymore.

Just watch it. I have the Bears favored by three in Washington. I do not trust them at a number higher than that. What do you have, Wes? No, I'm going to try and apply a little bit of math. On a neutral field here, the bears should be favored by like by a by a touchdown and if you give the the dumb dead skins the benefit of home field which is a haha joke seven minus two and a half is five and a half that's my guess

sal no four and a half i did the math wrong shit I did the math wrong. Shit. I did the math wrong. Don't listen to me. It's probably one in the morning here. I said four. I said four. House says four and a half. Simmons says three. The number is five. So Simmons and House tie for the week. Wow. Which makes me the loser. Yeah. Hey, I'll take

it. I would have done a two point with Leonard Fournette to try to win if I had the opportunity to do that. Simmons is the real winner. That's a Monday game. You think Chicago? I don't know. People have to go to work the next day.

There are a lot. You think they're really going to travel those fans? There's a lot of Chicago fans in the D.C. area. Well, D.C. is made up of transplants. It's Boston and New York and Philly and Chicago and all these different places. They'll all come out because the tickets are going to be very available. It's not going to be a, a, a pricey buy to get out there. It might work in your favor because Trubisky bummed out bears fans who were,

so who bought all their tickets on SeatGeek and then they're there watching him just chuck the ball around. Like it's on fire. Well, let's start booing him. He might get booed by his own fans. Here's the interesting thing. The Deadskins' single biggest vulnerability, the thing that's been exposed, you know, like in a pants-down kind of way for two consecutive weeks is how bad the secondary is.

They cannot get a stop to save their lives. How's that some unkind words about Josh Norman today during the game? I mean, if you're playing two-hand touch, he's your guy. Josh Norman is your guy. If you were to play two-hand touch defense, get Josh Norman lined up out there. I think Josh Norman's closer to being a co-host on the Ringer NFL show than he is to being a cornerback on a playoff game. Well, look, I like him very much.

He's a good media guy. He's got a lot of— Josh, maybe end it early and join the Ringer media guy. He's got a lot of... Josh, maybe end it early and join the ringer.com. He's got a lot of taste. He's got a lot of interest. He could be good at something other than football. But Mitchell Trubisky is so bad a quarterback. Does that really translate into an advantage for the Bears?

It's so weird. They go out of their way to try to finagle this weird offense to take advantage of his supposed strengths. And meanwhile, it just seems like he should be running around like Josh Allen or Lamar, right? They should just be unleashing his athleticism. Or G. Minshew. Or G. Minshew.

Anyone has rostered the Simmons quarterbacks that he has on the roster. I think this is going to be a good game for Mitch. Honestly, I touched on it earlier. I think there's a big pass rush for him in his first two games, and it will not be the same in game three. So the case for Mitch is Packers week one, Denver week two, and he hasn't gone against kind of a simple defense yet. He's got that coming.

I've rejected the case. I will not be betting on Mitch. What is our teaser? We like the Chiefs over Baltimore. You don't like Philly over Detroit. We like Green Bay over Denver, and we like Tampa over the Gi Baltimore. You don't like Philly over Detroit. We like Green Bay over Denver. And we like Tampa over the Giants. Those are the three.

Am I really going to put Jameis in a teaser? I recommend against it. I'll have to do a vote on Twitter whether I'm allowed to do that. Am I allowed to put Jameis Winston in a teaser? I'm going to say no. That breaks my rule. Eli's fucking me over one last time before he retires. I honestly think it could be D. Jones.

Could be D. Jones week. You don't think? That's even better. D. Jones week. Then we could consider it. But you have to act now on the tees. No, we don't see him for a while. We don't see him.

Eli will have one more game against the Patriots. It's a Thursday night game in a few weeks. And then that'll be that. Then you see D. Jones, I think, home for Arizona or something next week. When can we get D. Jones against G. Minshew? All right, let's do Parent Corner. All right, Parent Corner is brought to you by CarMax, America's number one used car retailer.

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It's just that easy. At CarMax, no regrets guaranteed. Check them out today at CarMax.com. House. It's incredible. This segment's sponsored. Can I get a car out of this if I participate? We'll have to ask CarMax. Give them a call. We love CarMax. Yeah. Sal usually goes first on Parent Corner, but we're going to let House go first this time. House has a good one, Sal. Well, this is really a testament to the many inadequacies that I possess as a father, as a grown man, as a tech savvy human being in the 21st century. My son loves the game Roblox.

It is one of these character-driven, avatar-driven, you're the character in all of these environments and situations. And like a lot of these games where you have one character interfacing with others, you can enhance the shit out of this character's attributes and his navigation skills, his fashion. And my son, very early on, showed a real appetite for making his avatar as handsome as possible and also equipping him with whatever modern technology, whatever warfare technology, because I think there are some aspects of these adventures he goes on that include some violence, which

obviously that's a confession of failure on my part because he's not supposed to be doing violent stuff. Has speeded us. But I suck at it so he spent 460 last week on uh roblox enhancements because i have probably four times gone into the stupid effing app and be disabled and untethered by paypal and on and taking the effing credit card off the thing and and i'll be god damned if he hasn't figured out what he just do and then I get a bill from iTunes

460 mother effing dollars and I was like for what for what is it oh daddy he has a mohawk daddy I got him a mohawk a pink mohawk my character has an 11 inch penis dad it cost $90 so he stuck it right in my ass.

He sure did. Are you kidding me? Yeah, so that's my parent quarter. I'm sure there's a fix for this. If you know the fix, please send it to me on the Twitter at House from DC. Please help me fix the effing Roblox. I don't think you have to pay for

that, but I think it's funnier that you do. $460? I hope not. Just have to pay for that, but I think it's funnier that you do. So yeah, $460. I hope not. Just to piggyback on that. My son also did the same thing and we had to like change all the passwords. It's like impossible for an order or anything, but somehow I got this bill last night when I was at Rembrandt's wedding, shout out to Rembrandt's wedding, by the way,

great time. Nice. And it was a $19.99 Sony Interactive Services PlayStation thing. So he went on my account and bought something that I didn't know what it was. So I emailed him. I texted him, did you buy something?

And he emailed me back, look, Alex, the Ofo Show Snoop Dogg GIF. What? He emailed me a GIF of Snoop Dogg GIF. What? He emailed me a GIF of Snoop Dogg nodding, and it said, Ofo Show. It's a question mark. Bill Simmons to Ben Simmons, did you buy something?

What fucking response was a GIF? Ofo Show. And then he texted me, I have money. And then he texted, I pay you back. Not even, I'll pay you back. I pay you back. So his grammar continues to be terrible.

It turns 12 in two months. And he's going, this isn't even my parent corner. Sal, you're up. All right, I'm up. So I told you last week or the week before about my five-year-old who wants to play soccer with his friends, but he's exactly two days too old for that league. So he has to play a league up and this league plays on Sundays. So good for me.

And not only do they play on Sundays, they played Sunday at 1 PM, which for a football fan on the West coast is the worst time, the worst time for a game to start. And by the way, even worse when there's 10 fr early games and 3 late afternoon games. 10 and 3 is not the ratio anybody wants. Shame on you, NFL. What's better? 8 and 5 is best, I think.

Why do they have to mean the product that way? That's a great point, cuz. What the F, NFL? Well, we argue about the insanity of this every year. It's never had a solution. It's just a huge FU by the NFL to its fans. What is it? I guess they want the most eyeballs on only a couple of marquee games in the afternoon.

But why? I don't understand because it gets better ratings. What if they were staggered by 10 minutes? Like, you know what I mean? I never understood it. Or stagger the starts or something. Right. But anyway, it's terrible.

So as you know, you guys are watching. And House, you had most of these games on your parlay there. Green Bay game, Baltimore game, Detroit game, House, as you were watching. The Pittsburgh game all came down to the wire. So I'm scrambling to get out of the house. I finally get to the game. I'm like five minutes late, but not too late to see my five-year-old allow two goals in 45 seconds. He's playing goalie and he's thrown a fit.

And so they take him out of goal. And now we slide tackling everyone. He's playing good defense, but he's getting called for fouls every time. And he's really like tackling everybody, like diving into everybody, like doesn't know what he's doing. And, but like, uh, when he's get called for a foul, he's like crying. So he's like the, this big bully that turns into a wuss like what the hell's going on here so they end up losing like five nothing and i'm like oh i can't wait to talk to this kid i have to i have to i have to get his head straight this is crazy he's aggressive and he's sobbing and it's it's really

weird and he's crying after every goal by the other team wait till i get a hold of him but before i can get a hold of him he has to talk to his team the the coach like tells him oh you did good we lost but losing doesn't matter anyway not only does the coach feed him that but they're the sharks and he um dedicates the shark of the week he acknowledges that there's a shark of the week he pulls out a plastic shark and gives it to harrison for being the shark of the week and i'm like what the hell is going on here how is he the shark of the week. And I'm like, what the hell is going on here? How is he the shark of the week? He was like blubbering on the ground and pounding. Now, how am I going to say, hey, you did wrong. You got to get it together when he's going to hold up the shark and say, oh, really? Someone says that I behave properly. So the shark of the week. So I don't know. This coach is a nice guy and everything, but

you didn't do me any favors with these participation trophies. This one coming in the form of a plastic shark with his name on it. It's not like you pass it around. So now he's, now he's like waving it around. I can't teach this kid that he behaved improperly. I don't know what to do. Do you guys have any recommendations? This is just, you've just explained everybody under 30. Yeah. I'm going to go to my parent corner. Under 30 months. That's ridiculous.

Awful. Shark of the week. My parent corner. So my daughter, who I love, who's been on this podcast, who is a really sweet and thoughtful kid. That's nice. The one hole she has in her sweet and thoughtful resume, not like great at cards and gifts, which makes her like me.

The best person I've ever seen at cards and gifts is me and Sal's cousin, Jimmy. Right, for sure. Who is kind of the Michael Jordan of gifts. He's, I don't know, what does he have, like a Google Doc, Sal? He knows when everybody's birthday and everything is. He's buying Christmas gifts. He's, I don't know what, what does he have? Like a Google doc? Sal, he knows when everybody's birthday and everything is he's, but he's buying Christmas gifts. He probably heard you say that. And to thank you for anointing him the best of cards and gifts bought you like a rookie, uh, Larry Bird jersey, just, just for saying that really incredibly thoughtful gifts. He's buying

gifts for people in like July and March and just has 300 people filed away in his brain that he's just buying stuff for. My daughter is not that person. And I just somehow ended up with these kids that it's like Mother's Day and my wife's home and we're about to have dinner. And they're scrambling around grabbing pieces of paper from the printer and hastily making Mother's Day cards. I don't think I've ever gotten a gift from my daughter ever. Maybe I have, but my wife probably bought it. One time I was, I'll get to that part of the story later. But so I bring this up because she's been dating this guy and they had their one month

anniversary this weekend. Colin, nice guy. I'll give him a shout out. Colin, I like him. Good first boyfriend Zoe come I'm like where's Zoe

is she out oh she went she went downtown to buy some gifts for her anniversary I'm like what she ends up she comes back

and has this whole thing of all these different gifts she bought and she got him a card and she made him so she spent hours like gifts and arranged some photo thing

and I'm listening to this and I'm just getting madder and madder, so we're in DC for the wedding and we're FaceTiming her and she's telling my wife about these gifts she got him and I'm going to see him tomorrow and I'm so excited

and finally I got mad and I'm like, oh, I know and I'm so excited. And finally, I got mad, and I'd be like, oh, I know. You've never gotten me a fucking gift ever. Oh, no. And then she comes back with, that's not true. I made you that Celtics thing once, which was like seven years ago. I was away for the finals, and she made me this painting with like six Celtics on it. So she had to go back to 2013. So my point is this.

You can do the whole daddy's little girl, all that stuff. But as soon as they meet a guy, you're just dumped. Yeah. It's like nine gifts for the new guy. Meanwhile, all I've done is I've been her fucking chauffeur for her entire life. Driven her all around Southern California for every soccer tournament. Where's my dad gifts? Where's my,

I went down to Larchmont and bought dad some gifts because I'm so thankful he stood in 100 degree weather last week to watch me play soccer and sweated and then had to drive two hours.

No gifts for me. I think dad's being a bad first boyfriend. That's what it sounds like to me. That's a great point. If you're a better boyfriend, you will get a gift for one anniversary. I just stand for, I stand for what's right is what I stand for. And you know what's right? Get me a father's day card. Go to the store. Get me like three cards. Just write a nice note, write a nice sappy note. Make me feel good for a minute.

If you want to feel good, Bill, I could send you a plastic shark. I'll put it in the mail tomorrow. I think you would like it if CarMax sent me a car. Yeah.

Maybe that's what I'll do. Well, I'll have my revenge when she can drive in, in, in, what is that?

In two years. Two years. And I'll be like, oh yeah, remember all those, all those birthdays and father's Days that you hastily ignored? I do love my daughter, though, I should say. She will be taking care of me someday when I'm in a nursing home.

She's a good kid. Hopefully with a view of the ocean. Hey, CarMax only sells the best used cars. They rule out millions of cars with their vending process. Select only the best to become CarMax certified with over 200 stores nationwide and more than 50,000 CarMax certified cars to choose from, they make it easy to find the perfect car for your family. They have your back with a seven-day money-back guarantee on every vehicle. No questions asked at CarMax. There's no haggling, never any pressure to buy a drive. Worry-free for 90 days or 4,000 miles. Whatever comes first with the CarMax limited warranty. Start the search for

your next car at CarMax.com. Sal, what do you have to plug? Listen, lock it in Monday through Friday, FS1, 430 to 530 Eastern. I'm the king for the second week in a row. I beat those other clowns, Todd and Clay. You aren't the only one to hit a big parlay house. Ohio State, Washington, Virginia Tech, the Ravens and the Chiefs, Moneyline Plus 120.

Well done. Brought me home against all odds. Jenner trifecta. Hey, what's going on with Harry's college football betting? He's been on fire, right? Harry's like 6-1 this week. He got beat with the Atlanta game over today. But, yeah, he was like 6-1 in college.

He's been spectacular. He'll have more Wednesday and Jimmy Kimmel Live Monday through Friday, 1135 on ABC. And House has House of Carbs. Fairway Rowan is currently in hiatus. In hiatus, but we have our Thursday picks. You won a little money this week. Yeah, I'm up $510,000. Oh, really?

Nice. Through two weeks. That's right. This week's House of Carbs with Alex Delaney from Bon Appetit Football Food. We have another 16, 17 Sundays coming up. If you're looking for some ideas on what to put out on your spread, we got you covered. Well, don't forget, pardon the interruption.

I will be there on Monday, which is tomorrow or today, if you're listening to this on Monday with my uncle Tony. Can't wait to see him again and ride home and color and everybody. And don't forget about on charitybuzz.com, me and Sal. You got 10 days left. If you want to join us for Guest Alliance, you could be in the role. You could feel the glory of house with the incredible tie that you had today. Thanks to ZipCruiter.

Don't forget to go to ZipCruiter.com slash BS. Thanks to LaCroix. LaCroix Sparkling Water, which I just downed during this podcast. Developed to give health conscious consumers refreshment, flavor, and sparkle with zero calories, zero sweeteners, zero sodium, gluten-free, vegan, kosher, non-GMO, Whole30 approved. LaCroix, a healthy alternative for you and your lifestyle available nationwide. For more information, visit LaCroixWater.com. Join the LaCroix community on social at LaCroixWater.

And thanks to Jeff, the engineer. Round of applause for Jeff. Round of applause. Wow. Outstanding. Coming to these Vox studios, it's like 119 in the morning right now. Unbelievable job by him. And thanks to Vox and thanks to Jim Bankoff for lending us the studio.

This was great. Congratulations, Rembert. And we'll see you in a couple days in the BS pod. Oh, Sal, good job by you. Good job by you, boys! I don't have a few years with them

on the wayside I'm a bruised soul I never want to say it I don't have to say it