The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 119: Michael Rapaport

Episode Date: August 26, 2016

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons and Michael Rapaport discuss the NBA's crazy summer, Belichick and Popovich (13:00), Dwight Howard and Boogie Cousins (16:15), KD and the Warriors (26:00), OKC and Westbrook (46:00), Mike's fantasy football obsession (53:30), Robert De Niro (1:02:30), more all-time consummate stickmen (1:12:00), and LeBron's spot in the NBA pantheon (1:17:45) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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We have Michael Rapaport coming up and you know what that means. If you are driving your kids to school or if you're in a car on a family trip maybe this isn't the podcast to listen to he's been known to drop a few f-bombs and and and say some inappropriate things everyone else by all means start listening uh we might have broken the swear record for this one check it out right now. Here we go. It's been a while.

I don't know what took so long. Michael Rappaport. Haven't seen you since we tried the Flake 8. I won Boston Sports beats New York Sports again. We did it on episode I think five of Any Given Wednesday. Monumental. Award-winning content.

Monumental. We had to edit out your Aaron Hernandez jokes. I don't think that makes sense. I mean, he did murder two people. Right. You've got to have compassion for the families. Holding a big photo of Aaron Hernandez probably had to come out. But I think for the most part, the edits reflected the debate.

I think that was – I've got to be honest. I hate myself. Had to come out. But I think for the most part, the edits reflected the debate. I think that was, I got to be honest, I hate myself. Yeah. Okay. I laughed at that skit. I'm glad. I literally laughed at that skit. It's seven minutes. I didn't laugh the whole seven minutes.

I'm not going to say that. But I made myself laugh, and I can't stand myself. Yeah. So I thought it was fantastic. As you can attest, we shot for, I think, you said it was an hour and a half. It was at least two hours. It was at least two hours. And Judge Joe Brown was fantastic.

Went a little bit off script. There was no script, but he went a little. He might have inserted himself into the proceedings in a way that made the edit a little tougher than we expected. Yes, but it was fantastic. He had a high usage rate. High usage rate. Unprepared for Judge Joe Brown's usage rate. Yes, yes.

I just thought he was there to set some picks. That's it. I need you to set a couple of picks. Yeah, grab a rebound. I'll feed you, but like, pick and pop, but I'm probably going to shoot Judge Joe Brown. Judge Joe Brown is like Dan Waders. Judge over your head. Yeah, yeah.

He's like, you guys done with your comedy sketch yet? I have some thoughts. You're going on and on and on. But he was just like Dan Waiters. Judge. Yeah. Yeah. You guys done with your comedy sketch yet? I have some thoughts. You're going on and on and on. But he was great. It was fantastic. I love doing it. And like I told you, people have come up to me and talked to me about that, whether they agree with me, disagree with me.

The people got such a kick out of that skit. Well, what happened? I'm glad. We're talking about the show. Any given Wednesday. I mean, we can't assume that just because they're watching the ringer. It's a great assumption. You're right.

Right? We can't assume that. But the problem is I felt like we did content together. But what we didn't do is talk about the summer of the NBA. No. And I looked it up. And you haven't been on my podcast, I don't think, since round three or round four of the playoffs. Yes.

And there is a lot of meat on the bone. Might as well start with the Knicks. What about us? I could tell you what's happening. It's a very different Knicks team since the last time I saw you. Yes, that's right. The Knicks fans are in two camps. They're either in the, I don't know why we're pretending we're a contender camp.

We should have traded Carmelo. We should be building around Porzingis and picksICS and trying to build for next decade. The other camp is kind of like, well, Derrick Rose, contract here. Carmelo's in great shape. Joakim Noah, change of scenery. Kusamangas Mubadingas. Yeah, that guy.

Kusamangas. Willie Hernan Gomez? Hernan Gomez and Kusamangas Mubadingas. Kusamangas. We call him Cousy. Whereusamangas Singadingas. We call him Kuzzy. Where's he from? Lithuania. Well, he's another Latvian gangbanger? No, wait, no, he's not. He's

Lativia. Lativian is Porzingis. Latvia. Do you not even... You call it Lativia. Wait, I get confused. Lativia is Porzingis. Latvia. Lithuanian, we call him the Lithuanian launcher, Kusamangas. He's kicking ass. So you have. Lithuanian. We call him the Lithuanian launcher. Kusamangas. He's kicking ass. So you have the Lithuanian launcher

and you have the Latvian gangbanger. That's it. That's great. And Hernan Gomez is the last name I've never heard of. Can't it just be Gomez? The Hernan Gomez. No disrespect, but it makes it something. It makes it hard for me to pronounce it. Hernan Gomez. What's his first name? Willie? Willie. Just call him Willie.

Yeah, or like Nene. Just Willie. You have a history with Willie. Willie was in Beautiful Girls. Willie was in Beautiful Girls. Willie Randolph. Yeah. There's been some good Willies. Listen, I'm telling you right now. Oh, so it sounds like you're in Camp 2. I am in Camp. And I'm going to tell you why I'm in Camp.

Camp 2. Oh, yeah. I'm in the other camp. You're not in the cynical, skeptical what are we doing? I've done that too much? Why are we chasing a five-seed camp? I grew up also doing that. I've learned to let go and appreciate what the Knicks are. Number one, I love the fact that Derrick Rose is bringing the fight to the press. He is a quote machine. He really is.

First of all, we're one of the super teams. Second of all, we could win all 82 games. Who knew that was possible? But we haven't had a quote machine like this in years. And I think people are misunderstanding like he's fucking nuts.

He is bringing the fight to the New York press. Yeah. Like, we're not going to come for me. I'm going to give this to you and confuse you. He's in Seoul, Korea.

That's where he made this latest comment that we could win all 82 games. Why is he in Seoul, Korea? He's doing the fucking Derrick Rose World Tour. For what?

Who's the tour for? I don't know, but he's doing the Derrick Rose World Tour. I don't know if he's hopped up on Absinthe or whatever he's doing over there, but I like that he's bringing the fight to the New York press. You can't lay dormant and let them sort of create stories. He's giving them the fucking stories. So that's number one. Number two, Noah will now be the spokesperson for the

Knicks. Okay? Mello is... But wait, Carmelo is the spokesperson for America. Yeah, I got that. So does that mean he's too big for the Knicks? Like he's got to hand off the Knicks spokesman to Joe Keem? Let me explain this to you. Okay. Carmelo Anthony looks the part, but I think at the

end of the day, Carmelo Anthony, my vibe about Carmelo is that he's a shy, laid back dude. He's good looking. His name's Melo. He's got a cool name and all that stuff. But I don't think he genuinely feels comfortable. He does it. He does it good.

He smiles and all that stuff. But I don't think he really goes out of his way to speak to the press. Noah is comfortable with it. He's a New Yorker. He's excited to be there. It's a revitalization. Remember how? You're claiming him as a New Yorker? He's a New Yorker. He's excited to be there. It's a revitalization. Remember how- You're claiming him as a New Yorker?

He's from New York. He's French, but he grew up in New York. I thought he- What is he, French? He's French, but he grew up in New York? No, didn't he play- I thought he was just French. No, no, no, no, no, no.

He played, but I think he went to high school in New York. He claims Harlem. Like a lot of his time, I think it was split. His father, I don't want to jump the gun on Coxman. I don't want to jump the gun. That's an underrated stick man. Not underrated. I think he's properly rated.

He got it in. Yeah. There's some great, great stick men from tennis in the 80s. Gerolitis, the late great. McEnroe, married, but he got it in. The French guy, Roscoe Tanner, known for a big serve and a big loaf. Putting it down. First of all, Connors married the Playboy Playmate of the Year,

Patty McGuire. Coxman. I would say Gerolitis, though, was such an incredible Coxman. Stickman? Stickman. Stickman? incredible coxsman, stickman. Stickman. Stickman. Stickman. Such an incredible stickman that he actually derailed his career.

Absolutely. He was drugs, Studio 54. Right. Ladies. Yep. More drugs. Fast cars. And like his friends, I always thought it would be an interesting documentary.

That sounds like a film. Maybe that's your next documentary. Do it with HBO. Yes. We just came up with an idea. The Venus Garolitis story. All-time coxswain. All-time.

I wanted to at least get 30 minutes into this before we got. I knew we were going to get derailed. We'll shelve it. It's a little appetizer. Because I got a stick man surprise. It's an appetizer. It's a little appetizer. Oh, it's a surprise stick. It's an appetizer. It's a little appetizer. Oh, it's a surprise stick man. I got a surprise for you.

I got a surprise for you. I'm going to show you something you're going to get a kick out of. So anyway. Don't sleep on Joe Keem in this conversation. In terms of what? Coxman? Stickman. Fantastic stickman.

To the point that there's a little buzz in the NBA circles. Maybe not a great idea for him to be in New York. No, he got it under control. You sure? Yeah. He learned from one of the best. It's the lineage. He knows how to keep it under control.

You don't think things were going out in Chicago? I think New York, it's a lot easier. He'll be all right. He's older. If it had been when he first got drafted, it would have been a problem. He's good. He's ready to go. Put it this way.

There's a reason he did not sign with Oklahoma City or Memphis or San Antonio. There's nothing out there for him. He wanted to be in a big city. Yes. There's nothing out there for him. Yes. But I'm not worried about him getting out of control with that. Okay.

So I think he'll be the default spokesperson for the Knicks. Okay? Same way Latrell Sprewell was the default spokesperson for the Knicks during his tenure for the 90s. The press always used to go to him, not Pat, not Mr. Personality, Patrick Ewing. Yeah, how is he not a coach with his dynamic personality? Have we talked about him not being a coach? How fucked up is it that Patrick? You don't think that Patrick Ewing would?

Check this out. I don't think Patrick Ewing should be a coach. Check this out. Check this out. A head coach. Check this out. Let me break this down to you. The Sacramento Kings, if they brought Patrick Ewing in as A head coach. Check this out. Let me break this down to you. The Sacramento Kings,

if they brought Patrick Ewing in as a head coach and he taught DeMarcus Cousins at least how to snarl instead of looking like a fucking baby with Kleenex in his socks. Have you ever seen a 280 pound seven foot guy look like he's about to cry more than DeMarcus Cousins? He does have one face that I think, yeah. He's just. Yo, you're 280 pounds.

You're seven feet. Man the fuck up. If Patrick Ewing just taught him how to snarl and scowl, that would be worth hiring him as a head coach at least for one year. That sounds like an assistant coach to me. No, no, no. He deserves a coaching job. Michael Jordan is playing a sick joke on Patrick Ewing by stuffing him. Do you think Kareem deserves a coaching job. Michael Jordan is playing a sick joke on Patrick Ewing by stuffing him.

Do you think Kareem deserves a coaching job? He did. Now I think he's over the hill. I think he is dealing with health problems. I think he did. I know these guys weren't Mr. Personality. I know they were low-key. Part of being a coach is you're dealing with the press.

You're a babysitter for the guys. Patrick was better than Kareem. I would say Patrick was a better candidate. Kareem being a head coach is an absurd notion. Yes. Just flat out absurd. I agree. But I feel like, okay, Earl Watson has an extension with the Phoenix Suns.

Jock Vaughn was a fucking head coach. And you can't give Patrick Ewing. Sacramento, what do you have to lose? How about Scott Skiles just, like, gave up? Right. He did it for years. I'm done. I'm going to go back to Indiana and drink beers.

Right? That's what he, you know, I played, I played Larry Bird. Yeah. I'm going to just chill and drink beers. I played ball with Scott Skiles once.

Yeah. When I was in high school, when he, in the summer league, after he got out of Michigan state, there's that summer league, I think it was the pro-am or whatever. I played pickup games with Scott Skiles.

The year he got drafted, he was ready to fight people. This was before his game. Yeah. Drinking beers in between. He's like, he's no joke. But he said, fuck it. But I feel like as far as Pat Ewing, it would be worth the price of admission.

It would be worth his coaching job for one year to teach DeMarcus Cousins to stop being such a fucking big baby. The thing about Shaq. Can you hold this thought because I want to do Dream Team in a little bit. Go ahead. Go ahead. But you're talking about spokesmen. Yeah.

Spokesmen. And we're talking about, you said Latrell Sprewell... Yes. ...was the spokesman for the Knicks. Yes. Which is true. Yes.

It's amazing that Latrell Sprewell was the spokesman of anything. I know. But he was very good at it. Very good at it. I agree. He was a great interviewer. Great interviewer.

Thoughtful, articulate, giving to the press. You have to be giving. You know, you can't be reluctant. It can't be like, you know, like a sledgehammer, like your guy, Mr. Reluctance, Bill Belichick. Right. Every fuck. And I'm going to ask you this. I like that strategy, though. What? He owns it. He doesn't want to say anything. So he's just a dick the whole time. Exactly. At least he is who he is. By the way, Popovich does the exact same thing. Everyone's like, oh, that Pop.

Oh, ho, ho. But he's not as bad. He's just as bad. What are you talking about? He's an asshole to these people. Every now and then he breaks character. So does Belichick. When I've never seen him. There's a whole NFL Films documentary where Belichick lets us behind the curtain and we get to see him do Belichick things.

Yeah, but do we see him do Belichick things? The thing about Belichick that I can't stand is every question that every single reporter always asks, it's always a bad one. Can you please... I agree. I think he's right. Every question... Yeah, they're all terrible. Come on, man. I mean, I think it's so

rude and disrespectful. It'd be like this. It'd be like this. It'd be like this. If you have me come on your podcast and you're like, ask me a question. Ask me about beautiful girls. So say, ask me about anything. Are we going to talk? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were.

Great set. Yeah. Boy, I probably wouldn't have you on my podcast. That's with Bill Belichick. It's like, come on, man. These are real professionals here. Every question isn't bad It's funny I think it's so rude

And disrespectful I get I mean he does it When they win or they lose Give a fucking guy a break I would ask you I'll fly myself there If you can give me a press pass

I will go and ask This fucking guy questions And I'll ask him Straight questions And when he mumbles I'm gonna be like What the fuck asshole That's a straightforward question I want a straightforward answer And then they'll say You can he mumbles, I'm going to be like, what the fuck, asshole? That's a straightforward question.

I want a straightforward answer. And then they'll say, you can't say that. And I'm going to be like, raise my hand again, because that's what I was taught in school. And ask him again. And then I want to challenge him to answer a question. He'd probably disarm you by complimenting one of your movies. That would be my guess. I was just watching Copland the other night.

He would charm me to death, huh? Yeah. He doesn't have that charm in him. Whatever happened to the, what was your character in Copland? Superboy. Whatevermed me to death, huh? Yeah. He doesn't have that charm in him. Whatever happened to the... What was your character in Copland? Superboy. Whatever happened to Superboy? What do you think he's doing now? He'd do something that would disarm you and you'd be like putty in his hands. See, this goes to show

how fucking... how boss and swig you are. You just said charm and Bill Belichick in the same sentence. Well, he's a charming man. No, Popovich would do that. Popovich would charm. Bill Belichick, he doesn't have it in him. I've never seen him do it on the podium after games. I think it's rude.

It's fucking rude. Not every single question is a bad question, Belichick. I think you might be right because, like, the difference to them is when Craig Sager's son did the sideline thing, Popovich was very gracious and awesome and sold it and did the whole thing. I think Belichick would have been an asshole to Craig Sager's son. Who the fuck is this guy? He's not a real reporter. Exactly.

He's put a dick to him. Your dad's not feeling good? I don't give a shit. So his son gets to do this? Get the fuck out of here. I'm going to give you a shitty answer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I— Voted it.

Because Sager's son had the pony. Yeah, he would have just been like, who is this poser? But so anyway, so I'm behind the Knicks. I'm predicting a fifth seed. Okay. I'm predicting coach of the year. Who are the four teams ahead of you? Cleveland.

Yeah. Boston. Thank you. Indiana. Indiana. Indiana. Okay. Who else is there?

I think you can get to a three seed. I mean, if all things are. I think you can get to a three seed. I think you can get to a 13 seed. I think you can get to a 13 seed. Yeah, well, either way. But who's the other one? It's Cleveland, Indiana, Boston. People like Detroit.

Detroit's good. Detroit's getting some momentum. Atlanta's still lingering. The Dwight Howard thing. We should talk about that at some point. He keeps posting photographs. He keeps posting videos of him shooting every day. Dwight.

Dwight, revan and buck shots. That's why God created you. Yeah, I don't need you working on your elbow jump shot. Nobody cares.

Nobody cares. If you improve your free throws, that's cool, but why do I need to see that? Like, did De Niro,

did he show you eating himself, eating donuts? Do your fucking job. You know what I mean? Just do your fucking job. Right. That's it.

I don't need to see you posting, like, his friends, like, screaming in his ear. Get me. You wanted somebody to scream. Let me scream in your ear and see if you can make some free throws. Why the fuck are you smiling so much? Can you list off? This is what I say to Dwight Howard to make sure he's improving his free throws. Okay.

He has the ball. Give him the ball. Okay. Name all your children's baby mamas. Go, shoot the free throw. That's what you do. Oh, he just says all of them as he shoots? Like how Carl Malone used to whisper something? Exactly, but like that's how, like, can you name them all? Shoot the free throw.

Name all your children's baby mamas. That's funny. I told my daughter when she takes penalty kicks. Yes. To relax her. Yes. So she's not thinking about them. To say every dog that we've had so we've had four dogs so now she does it when she needs to like regroup that's cool she says the four so if dwight howard did that he'd be he'd have we've only had four dogs i mean i don't know

how many kids he's up to it's a it's like seven or eight might be more is it 11 i don't however many but if he's rattling that off by the time he gets to the seventh or the eighth like he's very peaceful at that point he's peaceful he's angry he's trying to remember he's rattling that off, by the time he gets to the seventh or the eighth, he's very peaceful at that point. He's peaceful. He's angry. Because he's trying to remember. He's like, is it Omar? I don't know. There's a Bob. I think I had a Bob. If he makes the first one, then name all your kids.

I fuck with Dwight. I love Dwight. I want to see him do good. I'm with you. I was thinking about Dwight. He's at no point in his career has he ever played with a decent point guard. What about? Jameer Nelson's the best. Right. In Orlando, right? Right.

I think that was when Jameer was good. And Jameer was like not quite an all-star, but you could compete with him. Right. But I don't think he was Chris Paul. No. You know? Obviously, he's not even like next level. He was like two levels between him and the Chris Paul, Darren Williams types at the time. No. Obviously, he's not even next level. He was like two levels between him and the Chris Paul, Darren Williams types

at the time. Then he goes to the Lakers. Steve Nash breaks down in five minutes. That was a mess. Then he goes to Houston. That was a fucking mess. And he's with James Harden, who's just one on five, and that was a bad situation too. So with him and Schroeder,

maybe get some fast break points they didn't normally get that's true I just think like and and this goes back I want to talk to you about the dream team too I don't want to lose track of the dream team this was a dream team yeah yeah I call the Olympics the dream team dream this is the nap team yeah but I I think there's real value in just having a quarterback. I agree. And I don't think Dennis Schroeder, Schroeder, I don't think he's an official, like, full-fledged quarterback, but he's at least better than playing with Patrick Beverly and James Harden. Anything is better than playing with James Harden.

Any fucking thing. How many years did you play hoops? Like 30? Me? Yeah. Like 30. 28. Rule of the big guy. Take care of the big guy gotta feed them you gotta pick guys gotta run if we want

the big guy to run he's he's got to get the ball if he if the big guy gets a rebound he takes off down court he doesn't get the ball stops running big guy stops running that's what happened to Dwight Howard in Houston now physically is he breaking down I don't know he's slowing down but I mean he still looks I mean he could still run he breaking down? I don't know. He's slowing down, but I mean, he still looks, I mean, he could still run. He could still jump. I mean, you know,

his offensive skills are, they've never gotten that good. He doesn't have them. But like with the Clippers, the Clippers with DeAndre Jordan, Doc Rivers, smartest thing he did with the job,

did a lot of dumb things. This was smart. Goes to DeAndre Jordan, he's like, we're not running plays for you. Right. You're not an offensive player. Right.

I want you to rebound. I want you to block shots like, we're not running plays for you. Right. You're not an offensive player. Right. I want you to rebound. I want you to block shots, and you're going to make all NBA. Right. If you do those two things. Stay out of the way. Roll to the basket every once in a while. That's it. Nobody's ever had that conversation with Dwight. They just cut him out of the offense, and then he gets bitter about it. Right. And now I hear you. I agree. I agree. I think he's

still physically gifted. I think he's more than most. Yeah. And I would like to see him do well. I like Dw I agree. I think he's still physically gifted. I think he's, you know, he's more than most. Yeah. And I would like to see him do well. I like Dwight Howard. And I feel like, you know, I do like Dwight Howard. I feel like his personality. The one thing about Dwight Howard that's always bothered me is that he's not mean. You got to fucking be mean if you're a big man. Be nasty. You have to have that in you. You could bullshit around and put your capes on and be friendly. Like Shaq was that.

But on the court, he was a fucking, there was, he was so mean. Like no one fucked with Shaq. And also like the thing about DeMarcus Cousins, like you don't have to try to be a bully. You could be mean. Like Shaq, the thing about Shaq to me that the modern day big man, he epitomized it so much is that he wasn't even a bully. Like he'd bully ball you, but you never see him getting in people's faces, because it was just like,

this is what, it's total domination. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? If Shaq was more of a bully, the league would have been in trouble. Right. If he was a meaner person. He laid back. He only got mad a couple times during the 15, 16 years he played. I agree, and I think, like, when you're truly

dominant, when you're truly a bad motherfucker, you're not DeMarcus Cousin whining and crying and, you know, scowling behind. Like, I remember there was a clip of him. He went behind Stephen Adams' head like he was going to hit Stephen Adams. Stephen Adams would fuck you up, DeMarcus Cousins. Can I defend DeMarcus for a second?

Because he's my dude. I fuck with DeMarcus. I met him. He's cool. I like DeMarcus Cousins. Can I defend DeMarcus for a second? Because he's my dude. I fuck with DeMarcus. I met him. He's cool. I like DeMarcus. I like him too, but I don't like 300-pound fucking babies. Why do you want to defend him? Be a fucking man now.

You're not 20 anymore. You're unfulfilled talent at this point. I would compare him. He's almost like a rescue dog. Like when a rescue dog that's been passed around different houses. He's been in one house. And has never. No, he hasn't.

Sacramento. That's the thing. He went from Kentucky. He goes to Sacramento. Three different owners. Yes. Like six different coaches. I got that.

Nine different point guards. I got that. It's like he's just being passed around into different systems and philosophies and whatever. Like nobody's ever said to him like, you're my dude. I have your back. This is your home now. I got that. I respect that.

You're going to stay here. We're not trading you. This is Dave Yeager. This is our new coach. Right. This is Dave. He introduced himself to him. This is Dave.

Dave's got your back. Right. And we're going to get you a point guard. It's going to be great here. I got you. That's never happened to him. And he's. Dave's got your back. Right. And we're going to get you a point guard. It's going to be great here. I got you. That's never happened to him. He's like, he's 27 now. I respect that and I get that, but even just the most recent thing is during the Olympics.

You're whining and complaining too much. Be a bad motherfucker. I think that's just who he is. But I'm saying, but that's not going to get it. But in the gold medal game, he did kind of kick some ass. He kicks ass, but then he's like... Granted, it was like...

Who did he kick out of the fucking Serbia? Like, when he was... I mean, come on, man. It wasn't Jokic, it was the other guy. Yeah. It was whoever the other guy was

with the beard who looked like the Superman 2 villain a little bit. Yes. Yeah, that guy. But I just think his disposition,

it's like, no one wants to see a 7-foot, 300-pound baby. No one's gonna feel bad for you. Like you're whining and all this shit. The bigger issue to me is defensively he's just not good enough. And I really wonder if – and I've been thinking about him a lot because I can't decide if I want the Celtics to trade for him or not.

Because I think at some point he might be out there. If the Kings suck again, he says a couple more things, the Kings might have to trade him. And I just can't figure out if he's my most expensive player or my best player and the heart of my team. He's not the heart. And I have

a center who fundamentally just isn't a good defensive player and you can take him out of the game. He'll get in foul trouble. Where am I going? That's not Celtic pride. No, where am I going with that? That's what I'm saying. But I do think, on the other hand, if you put him, like, if his stock fell

and it became like a Rasheed Wallace situation, and you put him on a team with a bunch of different pieces around him, like, let's say he just ended up on Cleveland. Right. Let's just say they flipped Kevin Love into Boogie, and now he's with LeBron and Kyrie, and he's part of something.

If he's your third best guy, that'll help. He's a monster. And you don't have to, he's not the guy, the focal point. He's a talent. His talent is immense.

It's just at a certain point you have to decide what do you want to do? Define what your career is going to be. Like, you know, he could do all the shit. He could shoot.

He could go. You see flashes of it. It's just the disposition. It's funny that people, even now, now that we have all these stats and stuff and a much better understanding of basketball, people still judge guys by points, rebounds, and assists. Right. And block shots.

As opposed to what? How can they better judge them? DeMarcus is a below average defensive assists. Right. And block shots. As opposed to what? How can they better judge him? DeMarcus is a below average defensive player, which last time I checked was half of basketball. Right. And if he's your center, you're going to give up a lot of points. It's going to be a layup line. You're going to have trouble switching him.

There's all these things that he's not great at. The same thing with Kevin Love. Same thing with Kyrie. Right. I think Kyrie hit the lottery. Like you saw, he's got some limitations. Yes. When he was asked to be the quote-unquote quarterback of the Olympic team.

Yes. Couldn't do it. Everybody's just standing there watching him. Right. Not a great defensive player. But if you put him with LeBron, and they're doing the dueling ball stopper thing, and it's like, pick your poison, one of these guys is going to, all of a sudden, he's super dangerous.

I agree. But the Olympic team, why was that so complicated? I don't know. And why is there 19 coaches coaching the Olympic team? Why don't they send fucking Boeheim and Coach K and who else did they have? Thibodeau was there. Send Thibs to Serbia. Let them coach it.

Make it competitive. I remember, I think it was during the gold medal game, I was going to say the finals, Marv Albert said, he commented on the ball movement. He said, that's the first time I've seen that. Oh, yeah, I remember that. See, this is all to me mentality. Ball movement is a mentality.

You should not have to teach professional basketball players to move the ball. Well, you know what happened. They made Durant the point forward. And what, does he hold the ball? No, once he did that, the ball started moving. Because the whole. They made Durant the point forward. And what, does he hold the ball? No. Once he did that, the ball started moving. Right. Because the whole time he should have been the point forward,

but they had to go through this charade of Kyrie Irving and Kyle Lowry as being the old school traditional Chris Paul guys, and they're not. Right. And then from what I read, Coach K kind of had a heart-to-heart with Durant. And said what? He said that Durant was broken from the summer. Yeah, he was fucking broken. He looked sad and like he was out of it. And supposedly Coach K showed him a video of the 2010 Turkey game when Durant was awesome

in the World Championships and was like, can I have this guy? Uh-huh. Can I have the guy who takes like 30 footers and just has a lot of swagger? Uh-huh. And then Durant became that guy. And I think Durant climbed out of the wormhole. Where do you think, we never talked about that. Where do you think he should go?

Or where do you think he should have gone? I think he should have re-upped 150% with Oklahoma. I think. Really? Oh, 150%. If you can have back, if you can have back your worst show, your worst interview, your worst take, your worst movie, and say, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna go at it again. I go, fuck yeah. So let's, that was the worst nightmare. You're up

3-1, right? We know the script. So you go, we're gonna do this one more time. We're bringing in Oladipo, right? We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna have this, we're gonna re-up for this one more time. We're gonna give you you, what, $25 million? What do you have to lose? You're 27. Why are you going to be the third option, sometimes the fourth option? It's going to vary. It's going to change on a team that cracked that ass open, real proper.

Why? Why do you want to do that? Like, it doesn't make any sense to me. We're saying, let's do it one more shot. We're going to go one more time. The gang's all here, and we have Oladipo. When I had Bosh on my HBO show, I thought he had a really cool point about this.

What did he say again? He basically said, sometimes when you're that close, that's when it hurts the most, you want to get away from it. Yeah, but that's when the heart, that's what I'm talking about. That's when, like, it's about. How do you think Rocky felt after losing Apollo, watching Apollo get killed by Clubber Lane? I gotta say, I kind of felt that way, not to get

too deep, but one of the reasons I wanted to leave Boston is I had had so many disappointments in Boston, professionally, that I just felt like I had skeletons there and I had to just get away and just start somewhere new. But you didn't come to New York. You came to fucking L.A.

I'm just saying, like, I get if he wanted to leave. I respect that. I think he felt like he had too much baggage, and I honestly think he was just done with playing with Westbrook. That I could get. I think he just had it. I think it had been eight years. Imagine, I mean, both of us played for a long time.

You're in those games where it's like, I had my best chance. I love that we compare our basketball careers to professionals. I love nothing more than to compare my shitty basketball career to Kevin Durant. Yeah, go ahead, but break it down. We played for a long time. Go ahead. We're both veterans. We're both veterans.

We're cagey veterans. Of the cage circle. Yeah. But when you're on that pickup team and it's like, I fucking hate playing with this guy, but I might be able to stay on the court for two hours if I'm with this guy. And you have this internal battle of, is it going to be worth it? I'm going to be standing around a lot. Right.

But this guy's going to play super hard. And if we're down 10 to 8, he'll score the last three and we'll win. Right. And we can to be standing around a lot. But this guy's going to play super hard. And if we're down 10-8, he'll score the last three and we'll win. And we'll stay in the court. And I'll have to sit out for an hour. Get stiff. My knees hurt. I've got to stretch again. Chat with people on the sidelines. And you make a deal with the devil. And you stay with the guy.

And I think after eight years, Durant was just like, I'm good. He's like a blackjack dealer. He's like, guys, I'll be back in 20 minutes. And he got out. I understand. I don't agree with it. And I think, you know.

But you didn't have to play with Westbrook for eight years. I understand. Look how long eight years is. It was the entire Obama presidency. But Russell Westbrook didn't lose you the last three fucking games. No, he didn't. I just think it was a style of play thing. I think Duran is actually.

But now what's he going to do? He's going to average what, 15, 17 points a game? And the thing about it also is like, you know how the star players always, you know, they'll go, this one, that one, and Kevin Durant. Who's... When does Kevin Durant get announced in the thing in the

beginning? Third? That's why he should have gone to Boston. I agree. Boston was the move. I agree. And it was the most defensible move to Boston. I agree. Boston was the move. I agree. And it was the most defensible move too. I agree. Eastern Conference, New City, own team, fresh start, great coach, ton of assets. I think this is going to, I think that the backlash from this and the pressure from this and everything that's already come and we haven't even, we're not even in training camp. All of it that's happened from this, I we're not even in training camp. All of it that's happened from this,

I think it's going to be bad. Well, you know what else is going to be bad? There's some Draymond sliding down the hill going the wrong way momentum now. The fuck is wrong with him? He's out of his fucking tree. He was just awful in the Olympics. Yeah, awful in the Olympics. You could make a case it was a bad situation for him.

I agree. It was the wrong situation. It's going to happen to some guys on that team. Some guys aren't going to play. Snapchat thing happens. He costs his team the title by getting suspended, basically. Fucking God. Now Durant's going to come in as the point forward.

Draymond gets shoved to the side. Bad idea. And, you know, I think obviously Kevin Durant's a better basketball player, but Draymond has that heart. He has that energy. He has that meanness. He has that I'm going to fucking, you know, live and die. Obviously the dick kicking, that's an issue.

The dick picking, also an issue. He just dicks. Him and dicks. Might have to scale it back in the dick department. All things dick. The thing that I don't get is why would Golden State want to go after him? You guys, again,

you fucked that up also. You fucked it up to Cleveland. You had it. Why do you need to bring in it's not like they're bringing in some six-man off the bench. You're bringing in a major league dude who wants to shoot the ball. Draymond is your guy. What the fuck's going to happen to Draymond?

I mean, if you think about it just this way, they traded Harrison Barnes and Andrew Bogut for Kevin Durant. I got it. I understand all that. You have to do that. I get it. They didn't even have to give up a first-round pick. It's an amazing trade.

I understand. I just think that they put themselves in from being like the glory boys and the underdog to like now they have an X on their back and they didn't even win the fucking championship. They're the ones with the X on their back and they didn't win. As opposed to Cleveland who sort of, you know, skirted away. Although LeBron, you know, he couldn't take the fact that Golden State was getting all the attention and Durant was getting all the attention. During the middle of the Olympics, he calls up Sports Illustrated and goes I need to be on the cover and I'm going to make stupid quotes about chasing ghosts and chasing

Michael Jordan and the ghosts of this one and then I'm going to do the Olympic Sunday when the Olympics end, I'm going to do the sit down Sunday conversation. What the fuck is a Sunday conversation? Why are we talking to you? You won the championship six weeks ago go away, go back on your Snapchat work out with your shirt off and why is What the fuck is a Sunday conversation? Why are we talking to you? You won the championship six weeks ago. Go away. Go back on your Snapchat.

Work out with your shirt off. And why is your shirt off, LeBron? That's why you're never going to be Michael Jordan. Why the fuck do you? We know you're in shape. You're LeBron. You're LeBron. What the fuck do you have your shirt off for every day?

We know you're working out. Strive for greatness. The land. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But go away. You won the championship. I'm still waiting for him to have an interesting interview. Never.

It's never going to happen. I feel like after he won in 2013 when it was me, Magic, and Jalen, we actually got a really interesting eight minutes out of him. But I think part of it was because he had just had a bunch of champagne. Right. So he was kind of loosened up. He's so media trained. It's so media trained.

It's so contrived. What about when he's like, Sports Illustrated put that whole piece about he's chasing Jordan's ghost. Right. It's like,

guess what? He said I'm chasing Jordan's ghost. Guess what? I would fucking hope so. I would hope you're chasing Jordan's ghost. You're never gonna be...

Because you've won three titles and you have four MVPs. Like, I hope you're thinking about that as you head into season 14. I would hope Jordan's on your mind.

Right. If he didn't say that, that would be news. But why are you doing this interview anyway? It's not even basketball season. He's trying to get attention. I know. Because, like, it's Olympic. Let Simone Biles be on the cover.

Who got bumped? Somebody got bumped from that cover. It was like a cheap photo. It wasn't like a stylized photo. I want to find out who got bumped from that cover. It was like a cheap photo. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't like a stylized photo. So I want to find out who got bumped from the Sports Illustrated cover that week. It might have been your girl, Caitlyn Jenner, because, you know, they had her on the Where Are They Now. That was a good one. I enjoyed that. I like the Where Are They Now issue. I love that issue.

That's a great one. It's a, it's one of, it's, it's when. I think they should put pop culture in there too, but just throw in Potsy from Happy Days and a couple. Right. A couple. Because he can only do so many things on William the Refrigerator Perry. Because he's always in there. And Birdman.

What is it? Fidget? Yeah, there's only so many. There's only so many. Wait, I had a question for you. Let's say we're making a bet and you have to bet. Yeah. You have to bet $100,000 on this.

Oh, fuck. Okay. I'm not saying you have to, but I'm saying hypothetically. Yeah, but I got it. Theoretically. Hypothetically. Give it to me. What is it? If I said, Kevin Durant is only going to be...

He's going to be one and done in Golden State. Hmm. He's going to be one and done. No, I wouldn't... I'd bet no on that. I'd bet that he's going to stay more. And I gave you 20 to 1 odds. What does that mean?

That means you could bet. I bet $100 and I could win. You bet $100, you win $20,000 and 20 to 1 odds. Would you do it? Fuck. He's not going to be there one season. So you wouldn't bet 20 to 1? No.

I would. You would? I would do anything up to like 8 to 1. Yo, you think that... I think it's in play. Out of all this bullshit that he's went through. Yo, you think that- I think it's in play. Out of all this bullshit that he's went through, then what do you do? I think it's in play. He is a one-year out.

I'm not saying it's going to happen. I think there's a very small chance that this is a really unhappy season. It's not a small chance. It's a big chance. The Nash, Dwight Howard, Kobe Lakers, the Malone, all those guys, the 0-4, that Lakers team was super unhappy. Fucking Carl, Carl, Jerry Pagney. First year in Miami, Bosh, LeBron.

It's really hard to just throw superstars together. I agree. Now, this team is situated the best to do it. I agree. But let's say they're unhappy. Let's say Curry gets hurt. Let's say Durant can't fit in. Let's say he just looks at the landscape and says, I don't really like it here.

I like the ball. Who knows? I like to shoot. Yeah. I made the wrong move. I got talked into this. Roc Nation and somebody else talked to me. It would be a fun wrinkle if they were like 15 and 11 and the buzz started like,

ooh, could Durant be one and done? Because he could. If they're 0 and 1, the buzz started like, ooh, could Durant be one and done? Because he could. If they're 0 and 1, the buzz is going to be that. If they lose their first game, the whole thing's going downhill. Basketball's turned into a 12-month sport. Yeah. We're talking about the Warriors in, like, late August. I know.

It's crazy because there's nothing else to talk about. I mean, God bless Michael Phelps and that dumb fuck, lying Ryan Lochte. I mean, that's all fantastic. And Hussein Bolt. Talk about, can a stick man stick? Can a coxswain cock? Like, yo, there was pictures of him on Snapchat.

Who? Hussein Bolt, the day after he won his, what, his 12th fucking gold medal? Yeah. Let this stick man stick it in. He's in Brazil. And they're like, reports are that his girlfriend, the girlfriend knows what he's doing. He's a world traveling, talk about a coxswain.

He just did 100 meters. Did he do the relay too for Jamaica? Which relay? The race relay? No, the 400 meter relay. The sex relay. I think he did that too. Yo, can a coxswain,

can a coxswain cock? Can a stick man stick? Let Hussein ball. Of course he's fucking after he just won the 200-meter gold medal. They're like his girlfriend might be upset. You don't think she should be watching. She should be applauding him while he's down in Brazil doing his thing. Let him do his thing.

I don't know how we got on that. I'm glad you brought it up, though, because I do think that was part of the reason the Olympic hoops team didn't do well right away. Oh, they were freaking off down there. Brazil? My God. I think the combination of Brazil, but also all of these incredible female athletes who are hot from all these different countries. Oh, my goodness.

Like, you're telling me these guys aren't in somebody's room watching, like, the Brazil versus Mexico volleyball game, being like, who's number 17? Look her up up go on their website let's dm her i'm gonna follow her on twitter i'll see if she follows me back there's no way that wasn't happening dream on you just launching his dick off the thing it's it's like it's like a bell he didn't give a let me tell you something i'm not a big porn guy straight up okay but when i do dip into porn and i don't really do it now. When you make a cameo. Yo, Brazilian girls, yo. Okay.

So you think the Dream Team 5 might have had some trouble. At least a couple of them probably got. Are you kidding me? Did you think this team liked each other? They seem like they love each other. That's another thing I don't like. It seemed like DeAndre and DeAndre, did you notice how

three years... He's like, they make a shot, he's like Bruce Lee every time. He's like, that's what he does. His first year at the Clippers, he was an unbelievable 12th man when he wasn't playing. How's he going in those games? I was like, I like this guy. Great bench guy? Oh, he was awesome. He was so good. It was like they lost him as a bench guy when he started playing. It was

actually hurt the team. But three years ago, he went to Greece with Blake Griffin. And then this week, photos surfaced. He was in Greece with Kevin Durant. It's like he did this with Blake Griffin. Well, I think everybody's kind of done this with Blake Griffin, right? I'm buying Blake Griffin stock. I'm buying your Blake Griffin stock. I'm buying his.

I'm buying everyone's. To do what? You think this year is going to be the year? I think you have a big comeback year. I hope so. I like Blake his. I'm buying everyone's. To do what? You think this year's gonna be the year? I think you have a big comeback year. I hope so. I like Blake Griffin. I like him too. But your Clippers, they're fucked. Why? They're not doing shit. Why? They're just not a threat.

They just don't have it. I would argue they had the year from hell last year and that they have one more good run of them. Well, I love Doc. I love Chris Paul. I love the organization. They're just not doing it. It's just not happening.

They're not winning a championship, and that's what that team was put together for, and the whole thing with the racial, what was the owner's name? That whole thing, and the protest. What kind of protest was that anyway? We're going to take off my shirt, and I'm going to slam my shirt down.

That's when things, like, we fucking do something. Like, we're going to put our fucking warm-up jerseys down. Like come on man, do some shit man. You know what I'm saying? If they hadn't played that game. I'm not saying don't play the game but you know get out there and be like fuck you. You need to get the fuck out do something. We're gonna put our jerseys down. That's our protest. If they hadn't played the game, that's one of the great sports moments of the decade. If they said, if they really, that would have been. They're like, fuck this guy. We've got to raise this owner.

We're not playing. Right. And ABC's like, I was doing the studio show that day. Right. We had a game. It was the 330 East Coast game. Did you think, like, was there a word that they might not play? No, not only was there that word.

There initially was that Jalen got involved, actually. I will say I was behind the scenes for that. And we talked about it, and I could see Jalen getting more and more fired up. And he started texting some of the players, like, you guys really aren't going to do anything? And it led to kind of that impromptu warm-ups thing. But Jalen definitely peer pressured them. I was there for that. Why are you thinking Blake Griffin's stock is going up?

What's going to change about his game? Well, one of the things that makes me laugh, Oklahoma City, which they're just masters of the benevolent smear campaign on the guys out of town, leaking stuff to reporters, leaking information. Durant left, and they made it seem like he was like Forrest Gump when he left. It's like, oh, well, you know, Kevin, he's just so impressionable. He'll do anything anyone tells him. So he's going to make $200 million.

You make it seem like he's got some sort of social disability. He's very impressionable. I think he is impressionable. I think he's, I think there's a difference to him being impressionable, but still having an awareness of the right decision versus like just being a freaking moron who gets dragged into meetings and then is like, where should I go?

Yeah, I know. I agree. I think he's actually, he's similar to like one of those, like one of those guys. Like I think when he first came in the league, he was smiley. He was doing all these commercials. And then sort of the real him came out, which he's sort of a tough guy. I think he reads the internet too much.

I do too. I think he reads everything. It fucks him up. And I think it made him angry. And I think he takes stuff personally. I agree. But I think there's this thing being impressionable and having people in your life who genuinely it's in their interest for you to do something. So in his situation, he had Nike. Great for Nike if he goes to Golden State because that's an Under Armour team.

Now that becomes a Nike slash Under Armour team. So it's great for them. But no one's buying the KDs. No, but it's just good for them. Right. It's good for them to make. Actually, his KDs are good. His KDs are good.

Yeah. They're way better than the fucking Steph Curry 2s and that trash. I mean, did you see James Harden sneakers? Ooh. What the fuck? They're like, I don't know what the, I can't even describe them.

They're terrible. Indescribable. They're as bad as his fucking beard and his fashion sense. They go right along with everything. And his. James Harden characterable. They're as bad as his fucking beard and his fashion sense. They go right along with everything and his... James Harden's character assassination. Oh my god. I can't stand James Harden's game. Wait, one more thing on

KD. So then you have Roc Nation. Yes. Shout out to the Roc. Jigga man. A lot of business investment possibility opportunities. Silicon Valley. The Bay Area. Yep. basically all of our wealth is concentrated in this one area like 80 of america's wealth is it better for them to have kevin durant

in the bay area or oklahoma city so you have two two people two groups of people in his life who it's in their interest but i still think he's smart enough to know what the best situation is he'll figure it out they were reinforcing stuff that he already was feeling. Yeah. But anyway, with the Oklahoma City stuff, there's a reason we got on this. Blake. You said Blake's stock is going up. No.

So all of a sudden, stuff comes out about, and Blake in Oklahoma City is going to line up to get Blake, and the possibility of Blake coming back to Oklahoma City. Why the fuck would Blake go back to Oklahoma City? What do you mean go back? Was he on Oklahoma City? He was from Oklahoma. Oh, yeah. So he's going to go back and play there?

No one wants to. That's why he wanted to get the fuck. He knows better than anyone else. He lives on the beach. He lives in L.A. He hangs out with comedians. He was just in Montreal at the stand-up festival. He's going to be like, all right, guys, I'm done with this A-list celebrity life.

I'm going back to Oklahoma. I'm going home. I found a mansion right near-list celebrity life. I'm going back to Oklahoma. I'm going home. I found a mansion right near the Purina facility. Get the fuck out of here. He's not going to Oakland. He knows better not to go home. But the team's leaking that stuff. It's like, well, you never know with Blake.

Which, ironically, is the same stuff that they got mad at Golden State for doing. That Golden State was leaking stuff about Durant and texting Durant during the season. Oklahoma City's like, what are they cheating? They're confused. Now they're doing the same thing with Blake. Oklahoma City's the same thing that traded Jeff Green to the Celtics when he needed open-heart surgery eventually. Second-round pick was the violation.

Shit. Yeah. Celtics couldn't even get a first-round pick for that. They traded for a guy who needed open-heart surgery. That's fucked up. And the league was like, eh, second-round pick for that. They traded for a guy who needed open-heart surgery. That's fucked up. And the league was like, eh, second-round pick. We'll let that go. Yeah.

I think Oklahoma's going to be good. I think they're going to be competitive. I think they're going to be just as competitive as your Clippers. Well, you know, Wes, because— You still got those season tickets? I do. I split them with Mike Tolan. Yeah, right.

I'll take you. Can I go to a fucking game? I'll take you. We probably—the people in our section will probably complain. About what? The conversations we're having in the seats. Nah, they'll be alright. Were they rich? Are they like big time?

It's actually, it's a great section. It's the old school Clippers section from like the 19, they call them the 1984s. I want to go to a game. Alright, I'll take you. I want to go to a game. On Oklahoma City, Westbrook has the best MVP ads. Absolutely. He's coming out. He's going to be fucking hard body karate, wild for the night.

I want to take these motherfuckers down from beginning to end. So we had a guy on The Ringer, this new guy we have, Kevin O'Connor, who I think's good. Okay. He wrote this piece that I agreed with about how Westbrook being in that crazy going for triple doubles every night mode does not necessarily translate to success. I agree. When Durant was out and he went into that mode two years ago and Durant had to redo his foot because he needed three surgeries. Right. For his foot.

He needed a new foot, a bionic foot. But meanwhile, it's like, oh, why would he leave Oklahoma City? Like maybe he wants to have a franchise that spends $120 million on players. And if Kevin Durant has a broken foot, they'll go get the best fucking doctor in the entire world to look at his foot versus whatever, you know, happened in Oklahoma City. Anyway, wait, there was a reason I was trying to. You said because Oklahoma City, when you were saying, I love that I have to bring the conversation. I know. I love that I'm the.

I got upset. I'm the fact checker. I got upset. No, it was because Westbrook didn't do well. Oh, yeah, yeah. The team didn't do well. Right. So Westbrook was 15.

They were 15 and 12 during that crazy stretch when he was taking like 25 shots a game. Right. So, and if you compare him to 06, if you compare him to 06 Kobe. This is why I love you. Well, same situation, right? Like he's going to. But 06 Kobe was just a better offensive player. Yes.

I mean, he could shoot the mid-range jumper. He could post up a little bit at that point. He could get to the basket. He could bounce off people. Yes. Westbrook's just balls to the wall. Balls to the wall. I think that's pretty easy to stop if you don't have Durant and Ibaka out there.

We're going to see. We're going to see. No one's been able to stop it yet. It's just, it's too, it's like a tsunami. He just, the fucking, the energy is just, it's, to me, that is truly an artistic expression. It's beyond basketball. That energy, that tenacity, it's just, it's just, you can't. Force of nature stuff. For real. Yeah. It's, basketball. That energy, that tenacity, it's just you can't. Force of nature stuff.

For real. Yeah. It's Picasso. It's like, what is this shit? It has nothing to do with skill. It's all will. Derrick Rose used to play like that. Well, yeah, yeah.

And the last two bowl seasons, when you would go see him in person, it was very similar to Westbrook where it's just like jesus christ but this guy's a maniac yeah i mean hopefully we could get 65 games out of him in new york here's the case for him it could have happened last year and i think he did well last year he broke an orbital bone i think it screwed up the first couple months in his face yeah your point guard last year was jose calderon right and And who was the other one? Pergione, the pizza maker, or did we trade him? Did we get rid of him in the beginning of the season? It was Calderon.

It was Langston Galloway. Langston Galloway. This is the case for Derrick Rose. He's even in impaired. B. Jennings we have. Not nearly as good. And then B. Jennings. B. Jennings.

I think B. Jennings, fan favorite potential. Absolutely. No question. One of the best NBA Twitter accounts ever. Old school New York pointnings. B. Jennings. I think B. Jennings, fan favorite potential. Absolutely. No question. One of the best NBA Twitter accounts ever. Old school New York point guard. Yep. Lefty. Lefty.

He got passed up. Who did they pick? Pick Jordan Hill. They picked Jordan Hill instead of B. Jennings in the draft. Yeah. That was a tough pick because Curry was right before. Achilles are making me nervous, but I've always liked Brandon Jennings. I agree with you on the Achilles. That worries me a little., but I've always liked Brandon Jennings. I agree with you

on the Achilles. That worries me a little. Wesley Matthews was not the same last year. That seems like a two-year recovery for that injury. Yeah, Courtney Lee.

Courtney Lee would be nice. Let's take a quick break to talk about our friends at Sonos. They're the smart speaker system that streams all your favorite music to any room

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It is your friend. Add it to your existing music services or discover something new. Sonos. Check it out. Sonos.com. And since we're here, let's talk about our friends at SimpliSafe. There's still a couple weeks left in the summer. And as we've discussed many times, burglaries skyrocket over the summer, protecting your home and your family. It really cannot wait. That's why we worked with SimpliS Safe to put together a massive security arsenal for you. A special package that has entry sensors, motion sensors, glass break, everything you need

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And I can't remember what happened on my daughter's fifth birthday. Believe me, I would much rather have the relevant information. Right, the things I remember. My brain just sponges basketball. I can't explain it. Football too? Fantasy football. Yeah, I don't...

The thing with football though is we always look forward in football. In basketball, you're always, like, trying to piece together the history and compare it to now. Right. It's just the history is so important. There's interchangeable things. The injuries are so prominent in football, though. Like, so many things are. Football is just like, what's happening this year?

I don't care what happened last year. Last year's over. I agree. 40% of the team's different every year. And baseball used to be another one where the history was so important. I don't care what happened last year. Last year's over. I agree. 40% of the team's different every year. And baseball used to be another one where the history was so important. And then the steroids just screwed up the history. Ortiz had 30 homers and 100 RBI.

He had 30th homer. He got his 100. So they put this graphic up of oldest people to get 100 RBI in a season. And it was him, Ted Williams, and then Barry Bonds. Right. And I'm like, well, what do I make of that? Like, what, am I supposed to, like... Ortiz, too, though.

Stop it. Didn't he almost go blind with those fucking steroids? No, come on, no. Didn't he fucking lose an eye fucking with the steroids? No. You know I'm not a baseball guy. Lose an eye? But doesn't he have a glass eye from the steroids?

What did he do with the steroids? I don't know, you know, I'm not a baseball guy. Not a glass eye. I love Big Papi. I love him. And I love that he fucking cursed after the fucking... This is our fucking city. I love that.

It was the best. I love... You've got to love Big Papi. Best moment of three... That's real. It was emotional. It was genuine. I love Big Papi.

But he didn't lose an eye from the steroids? No, he didn't. He's had the same body for 20 years. Okay, okay, just ask it. Fantasy football, you want to talk about? Are you into fantasy? You want to talk about fantasy? I've been, I was doing fantasy football

when nobody knew what the fuck it was. So you're into it. I wrote the first fantasy football column on ESPN.com. I didn't know this. I wrote two in 2001. And my editors were like, are we running this? Are you serious? Yeah.

Okay, let me ask you a question. Because you're a numbers guy, you're a stat guy, you've got a memory, like a sort of a human Google machine quality. Like, what's your fantasy football prowess? So, I've done it all in fantasy. I've won. I've lost. I've laughed.

I've cried. Yes. I'm in the greatest league that ever existed in the West Coast. What is this fucking league and why aren't I in it? It's 11 teams. Who the fuck are these guys? It's 11. It's Cousin Sal. It's the whole Jimmy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Extended Jimmy circle. Who's in it? Jimmy,

Sal, who? You want a piece of me? John Hamm. I don't know. John Hamm, he wants a fucking piece of me? We don't have any spots open. Let me tell you something. Okay, who else? Who else is in there? You can drop names. Oh, just regular hangar honors. Not hangar honors. People with jobs.

Okay, I'm just saying, but hangar honors, though. 11-person league. Why 11? That's weird. Well, because 11 show up for the draft. The guy who won the year before gets to vote off somebody, survivor style. Nobody knows who it's going to be. That would never be me.

Nobody ever knows. Huh? You mock draft? No, I don't do that. You don't mock? You just step up to the plate. I like that. The cuz does that.

Cousin Sal. Like for three straight weekends, he's in some chamber with all these weirdos doing fake drafts. I'm so into mock drafting. Yeah? And because my fantasy football shit, like this is my third season doing it. And this is my first season drafting alone. This is your third season?

Only third. Were you like Tom Hanks in Castaway? Yeah. Like on a desert island? I know. I shunned it. To me, it was some Dungeons and Dragons, Game of Thrones type fucking nerd shit. And then I got invited into the Howard.

But it still is. I just want to point that out. No, no. Now that, no. Oh, you've made it cool? No, I haven't made it cool.. I just want to point that out. No, no. Now that, no, now I... Oh, you've made it cool? No, I haven't made it cool, but I understand that it's not that.

Okay. First of all, it's made me... Unclear. No, I love fantasy football. It's made me appreciate the NFL as a whole. It's given me agony. It's given me pain.

It's given me joy. I kind of want... There's not a lot of joy in fantasy football. Oh, yes, there is. No, there really isn't. Yes, there fucking is. I kind of want... There's not a lot of joy in fantasy football. Oh, yes, there is. No, there really isn't. Yes, there fucking is. You have a 1 in 10 or a 1 in 12 chance of winning

and an 11 in 12 or a 9 in 10 chance of just being unhappy. See, you're looking at it as just a winning... I'm grizzled. I've been in a marriage with fantasy football since 1990. I got that. I can't even get a fantasy football erection anymore. There's nothing I can... Nothing can happen to me with fantasy football erection anymore. There's nothing I can... Nothing can happen to me with fantasy football anymore.

Maybe you should step away from a season. I tried to quit my East Coast league, and the guys wouldn't let me quit. Why not? They gave me a guilt trip. They're like, we've been together this long. This is part of friendship, and they made me feel bad. Fuck a leave for a year.

We spent time with your family. I tried to get... It would have been easier to divorce my wife than my East Coast fantasy league. Shit. You don't want to divorce your wife. Well, that to spend time with your family. I try to get family. It would have been easier to divorce my wife than my East Coast Fantasy League. Shit. You don't want to divorce your wife. Well, that would have been much more expensive. Yeah, it's cheaper to keep her.

That fucking song didn't just come out of nowhere, that song like that. But I'm impressed that you don't mock draft. But that makes sense because you're one of those guys, you got it all in your head. But this is my second year in fantasy. And I've been doing it in the Stern League, the Howard Stern Fantasy Football League, right? Is that a name drop? Yeah, I'm just telling you.

Howard Stern's on it, and he just never even watched a football game. He's using a fucking name. Matthew Berry's in it. Gorilla, Fafafui, they're in it and all that. But the first two years, my son and his friend, Gray, Guru Gray, who's sort of a mini Bill Simmons he's like a beautiful mind of sports he's done my drafts. Now they make me draft on my own. Smart.

So I'm mock drafting and mock drafting has become too easy so now what I'm doing is duress mock drafting. You solved mock drafting? Oh yeah. But I duress mock draft. I do pushups blindfolded in between picks so like when it's time for me to pick like I'm a duress so draft. I do push-ups blindfolded in between picks. So when it's time for me to pick, I'm in duress.

So when the real draft, it's like some Navy SEALs. Exactly. So when it's time to really draft, I take a shower. You're blindfolded. You take the blindfold out. I don't know what the fuck's going on. I'm disoriented. I'm breathing heavy. You got 14, 15 seconds to make your pick.

That's how you really get ready for the real draft. Do you do auction or just snake dpr snake draft straight up snake drafts like come on yo yo but you're saying drafts like eight foot rims yo no it's great play with the eight foot rims you're so what are you i i i auction's the only way to go i mean it's like it's like it's texas hold'em versus like freaking you're not understanding what what it is to me i don't play any steak i, it's like, it's like, it's Texas Hold'em versus like freaking playing gin rummy. No, no, Bill, Bill, you're not understanding what it is to me. I don't play any steak.

I play, to me, it's all, all about the shit. Do you even know what auction is? Yes, I do. I know what it is. You have a salary cap and you get to be Isaiah Thomas. I know, I know. So it's like, do I want to spend 80 million on Zach Randolph or do I spend it more wisely? Want me to tell you a good Isaiah Thomas story?

Please. It's not as good as your story. Okay. I was in Philadelphia. The day of the Democratic National Convention. Okay. I was filming something for Snapple. Okay?

It's a little tip-off for Snapple. I get in late, like 2 in the morning. I'm in the hotel where all, like, the fucking people are, right? Like, everybody who was, like, it was a nice hotel. I can't remember the name of the hotel. I get in at two in the morning. I have to be up at like seven in the morning. I fall asleep probably 3.30, 5.21.

Fire alarm, fire alarm, fire alarm. I'm like, fucking fire alarm. And then I'm like, I'm gonna go back to sleep. It's like, fire alarm. You must evacuate the hotel right now. And I'm thinking, holy shit, it's a Democratic National Convention. This could be something serious. Right.

This could be like, you know, it's real shit. And I'm at like a real hotel. More serious than Doc and Larry Bird getting in a fight? So I'm in my underwear. I put all my shit in a bag. And I run downstairs. What did you do with the hooker? I left her in there. She didn't want to get up. She was fucking out. She was out of it. She was out. Why are you bringing with the hooker? I left her in there.

She didn't want to get up. She was fucking out. She was out of it. She was out. Why are you bringing up the hooker? The people filming this. I'm literally running. There's people.

Some people are meandering down the stairs. Some people are like, you know, running. People are crying. I fucking, I'm like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. Yeah. I bust through the exit door. I'm on like at the back of the hotel. It's pouring raining. I'm totally, I'm getting the fuck out of here. I bust through the exit door. I'm on like at the back of the hotel. It's pouring raining.

I'm totally disoriented. I got woken up out of my two hours of sleep. I'm like, what the fuck? I have my bag with me. I'm in my boxer shorts and T-shirt. And I have like a hoodie on top of my head. I'm like, you know, people are like, what's going on? Some people are freaking out.

I get to the front of the hotel. There's firemen. There's all this shit. 20 minutes later, now it's like 5.45, you know, they go, you can go back into the hotel, you can check back into your room, this is all over a megaphone, right? So I'm going to check back into my,

you know, I go there, I need my room key, they're like, well, you have your ID? I go, I just, I fucking just, I have my bag, like I just escaped the hotel, it could've been, anything could've happened. They give me my room key. I'm going towards the elevator. And who the fuck do I see?

And it was like literally like a, I was dreaming. Fucking Zeke Thomas, Isaiah Thomas, was in the hotel. And he's like, and he tells me, he goes, yo, I thought the end was coming. I was like, I know, I was scared. He goes, I filled up my bathtub with water. I looked out the third floor. I was like, I'm going to fucking jump out of the third floor. I was like, I know I was scared. He goes, I filled up my bathtub with water. I looked out the third floor. I was like, I'm going to fucking jump out of the third floor. I was like, you're going to fill up his bathtub with water? Yeah, he goes, when would you do that?

I think he thought like if it was a fire or some shit like that. Oh, like he would get in the water? Yeah, like I don't know. But he was, I know it was a panic. Like he panicked. And he said, I went to my window. He's like, I could jump from the third floor. And, you know, because like your heart was racing because of the hotel that you were at

and the reason why you were, you know, you're in Philadelphia at the Democratic National Convention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, whatever. But it was just so weird out of all those people to see Isaiah. And he was freaked the fuck, even more so than I was. And I was freaked out because I was like, I ran my shower and filled my bathtub up with water. I was like, why did you stay in the room? He goes, I fucking panicked. I freaked out. So you get through all that and then you're like, but seriously, why the fuck did you take Bachman over Rondo?

Right. And how the fuck did you get rehired for the Knicks? Why did you take Ronaldo Bachman? We needed a point guard. Trust me, I wanted to start talking Knicks with him. Why did you do that? But it was just so surreal. It was like,... What is it called when you're seeing water? A mirage. A mirage. And Isaiah looks fucking good, man.

He's a very handsome man. And he doesn't age. And he's got that fucking smile and that voice. Handsome dude. Yeah. You know, anyway. New boxing movie coming out this weekend, by the way. The Duran Leonard movie, Hands of Stone.

I'm concerned about... How many boxing movies can we realistically have? Listen. I really like Creed. I thought Creed was great. In on Creed, I did not like Southpaw. I did not like Southpaw. I don't care how ripped you got, Jake Gyllenhaal.

You want to test for PEDs, they should start testing actors for PEDs. That'd be amazing. Test actors for fucking PEDs. That'd be amazing. He looked fantastic. But I did not like Southpaw. The fact that you know that the world is changing

when Robert De Niro will do a car wash at ESPN to promote a movie. The fact that they got Robert De Niro up in Bristol, Connecticut, the man who can't stand talking to anybody, up two hours out of the city, you know the landscape of television and film and the internet and just like the media is changing when Robert De Niro will go up there and do multiple shows

in one day. How much money does he need? Because like, did you see Bad Grandpa? It starts off with him jerking off. I didn't see it. Is that how it starts? It starts out with him jerking off. I didn't see it. Is that how it starts? It starts out with him jerking off. Flat out.

I don't think he needs money. Flat out. Stop doing those movies. Like, protect your legacy a little, Robert De Niro. The legacy will never be fucked up. The legacy can't be touched. Now you sound like you're talking about Birdman and Beautiful Girls. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

No, the legacy. You know that I seriously, this is crazy. I seriously, I fantasize about interviewing Robert De Niro. Like, talking to him and getting all the information. I don't think it's coming. It's never happening. No. And even if you did the interview, you're never going to get the information.

And you want to get all these details and all that stuff. But the thing that makes it so, the prize jewels. Like, if you interview actors now. I was reading this interview with this actor the other day i'm not gonna say his name the interview was so pathetic he's like well i drilled out my teeth to do this part and then the director told me that he didn't want it so i had to go to the dentist and get it put back in and i shaved my beard with a buck knife and vodka i'm like just do your job like when the concrete guy is laying the concrete, he's like, I spun the concrete.

Just do your fucking job. Like you drill, you got a power drill? This is a real thing. And drilled your fucking teeth out? You lost a ton of weight and shaved your head for higher learning. Yeah, but I- That's as far as you went. I bet, but I- You skipped like,

you skipped sandwiches for like three weeks. Whatever, I had ulcerative colitis. It was easy. But I'm just saying, like, the thing about De Niro and the real method actors, they don't talk about their method. True. And that's the thing. When you interview De Niro, he's not going to give you some secrets of, he just, because that's your job requirement. You know, that's what you're supposed to do. If I ever interviewed him, I would want to, I would be more interested in like, did you feel like when you did the diner scene with Pacino,

like it was like almost like a sporting event and you had to like win the scene? Or like what movie, if any of the movies you've ever done came on. Would you stop and watch? What would you watch? I thought about that question. I've always been fascinated how he studied Marlon Brando to do Godfather II and put real, genuine thought into what would Brando's character, Vito Corleone, be like at age 23. What would his mannerisms be? To me, that's one of the great De Niro performances.

Absolutely. I'm not breaking news by saying that, but the amount of thought he put into that. If somebody did that in 2016, the internet would be like, oh! It'd be going crazy. And his approach now, how it's changed, like does he take shortcuts? Because he was so notorious for going... I think his approach now is just like

just make the cue card print as big as you can. No, don't say that with the cue cards. There's no fucking cue cards. Bob, don't use cue cards. Don't you fucking say that. Don't say that. He's like this. No, no, no, no, no, no.

That, you just made my heart race saying that. He's 80. He's not fucking 80. He's 70. He looks good. Bob ain't no fucking old man.

You know Nicholson's 79? Yeah, well, yeah, that's, is he 79? He's 79. He is fucking bloated, isn't he?

That motherfucker is big and bloated. He's had a great life fantastic life i think when when you talk about a stick man well i think when he died talking about a man it's gonna be like when they when they did the secretariat autopsy and his heart was twice the size of a normal heart he's an animal they're gonna be like oh my god look at these internal organs yeah yeah she's been going hard since like like, the late 60s. He's a beast. He's a fucking beast. He doesn't act anymore, right?

He's like, fuck it, right? He had to have been one of the seven most excited people when Viagra was created. Getting it in. In the 90s, right? No, whenever it came out, he must have been like, oh, my God, so many more boners. Yeah. Jack. Jack.

He's an animal. Legendary stickman. What was your stickman story you're going to tell us? No, it wasn't a stickman story. It was false advertising. No, it wasn't a stickman story. It's just I got something sent to me. And one of the places where the stickman was here,

and there's a basketball team, a pickup team, called the Stick Men, and they sent me the jersey. That is hilarious. I need to get you one so you can hang it in your office. Incredible. I mean, how, look at this. Is this not fantastic? If I was to be able to pull off getting you a stick man shirt.

We would absolutely hang it when we redo the pocket. But what number would you want? 33? 33, yeah. 33, all right. What are you talking about? Yo These guys are in Australia It's a rec league

I want 33 They started the stickman We never talked There's Unfortunately there's not a stickman website There should be There should be But there's some big stickmen

I asked Barkley on my first show I had Barkley Did a speed round with him Yes And I asked Barkley I think it was like if Dr. J, Michael Jordan, and... This wasn't on the show. It was on the deleted scenes.

Well, this should have been on the scene scenes. I know. It should have. They're all going after the same girl. Who wins? At a bar. Who wins? He's like, Dr. J.

Whoa. Maybe it was like Dr. J, Ali, and Michael Jordan. Who? He's like Dr. J. He wouldn't even consider a conversation that didn't involve... Yeah, it was like Dr. J, Ali, and Michael Jordan. He was like Dr. J. He wouldn't even consider a conversation. Are you serious? Yeah. Did he say why?

It was almost like he answered it so quickly, directly, and without even having to think about it. Oh, it was Dominique Wilkins. That's who it was. Dominique got it in. Dr. J, Dominique. Dominique was Jalen's idol. Coxman.

Yeah. Fantastic Coxman. Own the South. Had it's idol. Coxman. Yeah. Fantastic Coxman. Owned the South. Had it all locked down. Even Magic. He was kind of on Magic's radar in the 80s. Magic had his LA side, and Dominique basically had the South. Right.

It was like if they had a thing like in The Godfather where you brought together all the families, Dominique would represent the South. Magic would be the West Coast. I don't know who would be. Patrick. Who would be in New York? There's plenty of people from New York. Too many people in New York. But he said Dr. J, huh? Dr. J without hesitation. And he played with Dr. J, which made me...

He knows the deal. Yeah, he knew. Now listen. Wait, all that. One quick thing on Dominique because I interviewed him once and Jalen told me to ask him. Apparently Dr. J, Dominique owned, a nightclub or something in Atlanta. A strip club or was it a nightclub? It was, like, a nightclub. I'm sure it was fantastic.

It was a nightclub. Dominique was. And it was, like, he had his whole thing, and he was, like, all-time under the radar. Magic was pretty flamboyant about, like, he's LA, he's at these clubs. Dominique was just, like. I'm sure it was beautiful. Yeah. I'm sure it was beautiful. Yeah. I'm sure it was beautiful, magical.

Dominique, you know, not decent interview. Not like, not the most dynamic guy ever. But fun interview, loves basketball. Like, I love talking to him. I love talking to all these guys. But I started to talk about like Atlanta in the 80s and what was going on there. And I could see, like, the wheels were turning.

First of all, he was like, you motherfucker, Jalen must have told you to ask you this. I could see that in his head. And there was a split second of him deciding whether he wanted to go there. And then he just went

class act Dominique, which is what Jalen told me he would do. He's like, Dominique, class act. Well, that's... Doesn't talk about his business. And that's the thing about people, people,

people misunderstand about a true stickman. There's a difference between being a savage and a pig and a scumbag and a stickman. A coxman. There's a... Anybody could be a scumbag. Anybody could be a degenerate. Fuck anything. But to be a true stickman like Dominique Wilkins, I'm not talking about it. I don't need to talk about it. I don't need to talk about it.

The work is out there. It's out there. You want to find out about me? I'm not going to. It's like, I don't need to discuss it. It's like De Niro method acting. I was going to say, it's like Daniel Day-Lewis. I don't need to do interviews about my work. No, it's right here. The work's out there. Go do an

interview. Go down to Atlanta. Find every 40-year-old girl that's half good-looking. And then come back to me and you tell me what they said about me. That they're not wearing Dominique Cherses. Exactly. With a little number 21 tattooed on their ankle. The last time we talked about stick man, like we talked about it every time you come out. It's every time.

Do people come up to you now? Do they shout names at you? Burgess Meredith always gets love. Because he's the guy. But nobody in the industry is like, oh, when you guys do Stickman next time, you've got to talk about Blank. No, people like the Matt Dillon.

That was great. Burgess, people will say to me, consummate Stickman. People get off on the stick man thing. But the thing about the stick man thing is you understood it and got it as much as me. And I saw when you interviewed Jonah Hill, I was like, he's going to say something. Like, you asked him one question. I went down the Leo road.

I wanted to see how he played it. And he goes, well, ask him. I'm asking you, motherfucker. There's two people that don't get mentioned enough. Who? That we've never really talked about. Who? When we do the first bout at Hall of Fame.

Who is this? DiMaggio. Oh, yes. And Sinatra. Oh, forget it. Frank? Frankie Baby? I think Frank.

I don't know what that, like, if we were just starting a basketball Hall of Fame from scratch. A stick man Hall of Fame. And it would, yeah. No, I'm saying if, like, basketball Hall of Fame from scratch, you'd be like, all right, we would, yeah. No, I'm saying if like basketball Hall of Fame from scratch, you'd be like, all right, we got to have Jordan. We got to have Russell. We got to have Bird, Magic. You have your like seven essentials.

There's no way we can have a first ballot without these guys. Absolutely. Sinatra and DiMaggio to me are all time first ballot. No doubt. DiMaggio stuck to your credo. You never knew what he was up to. Never.

Even Marilyn Monroe. That was the big point of contention with him knew what he was up to. Never. Even Marilyn Monroe. That was the big point of contention with him. He didn't like to be public. Joe D. liked it, you know. Right. It's down low because I got 17 other Marilyn Monroes running around that aren't named Marilyn Monroe.

But the other great one was Ted Williams. Fantastic coxswain. You wouldn't even know until you read the book. Right. And he apparently really was a splendid splinter was he yeah like okay like splendid he had a battle yeah he did he had a little fucking all these books they always talk about how gigantic the guy's dong was my buddy jacko and i it's a running joke there's always an autobiography it's like oh and by the way he

was very well and down right it's always that guy's always dead like there's no way to actually put that in the big book of basketball somehow or another. I did have a dick footnote section. I had one about... You mentioned somebody. Something dead. Yeah, there was a couple guys. No, it should have been about yourself. You should have been like the writer.

Forget these guys. I think it can only happen when you're dead. Right. It has to be. And by the way, because that's the way it is. And that's the thing with Burgess Meredith. JFK, bad stickman because all the... Messy.

Yeah, messy. That's not a stickman. Quick. Had a bad back. Yeah. Had to be in the bottom. Yes. That's not a stickman. No. Bad stickman. But I think people think he's a stickman. JFK Jr., stickman. Coxman. He's definitely up there. I mean, he was great. In the 80s, in the you know, I mean he was great in the 80s and the 90s.

I mean he was notorious. People are still crying. Ladies are still crying about the loss of JFK Jr. Do you count David Spade as a stickman? Hell no. Okay. Hell no. So you have standards.

There's standards. David Spade and his trucker hat and his weird hair. And I love David Spade. And he's had a lot of girlfriends. Yeah. I mean he's got it in. He gets an award for something. How about Cannon Crowe's guy?

With the fucking afro? Yeah, but he dated like every relevant person in the 90s. Eh. No? But we saw it. We knew it. I mean, again, there's levels. To get that title, Coxman, true, like stamped, boom.

Stickman, boom. It's, you know what I'm saying. It's like Jeter, DiCaprio. You love when they're, you love when the, like Dylan is a good one because. Matt Dylan. So subtle about it. So subtle.

Jeter tried to be subtle about it. Tried to be. So many every night for 20 years. Yeah, but he. Like at some point. But he just, like, he was like, he was walking on water. like when he did it. Like, there was no, you could ask him about it.

Like, he just had that glassy kind of thing about it. Like, it just, it is what it is. Like, you're talking about Dominique. He got it in. You know what I'm saying? Who are the, I'll tell you here, I'll give you, reveal you a great coxswain. Okay. And I haven't spoke to him recently.

He's going to fucking die if he ever hears this. Benicio Del Toro. He's going to fucking die. he's a friend of mine haven't spoken no much reason but just because we're busy whatever spanish fantastic spanish porto rican porto rican porto rican from pennsylvania which i always say it doesn't work porto rican great name benicio. Yeah, it's great. Keep your wives away from anyone with that name. Consummate stick man. Now, he's a little older now, too. But, I mean, again, he's one of these people.

He had a run. Beautiful run. He's going to die if he ever hears this. How about you worked with Ed Burns? Does he count? Because he kind of settled down. No, he's a married guy. He's a married guy.

I don't think that was ever his thing. No? He's a family guy. He's like a Catholic guilty, he's got Catholic guilt. If he dated Heather Graham in like her movie Apex, then went right to Christy Turlington. Right. I didn't mean that, Heather Graham.

You see, you don't have to cut that out. See, I keep that in. I keep the messy. There's things in this fucking podcast that were cut out, okay, that you're missing out on, and you can keep the Heather Graham thing. I love you. That was just a joke. It's just a fucking joke.

She's got to have a sense of humor. Roller girl has a sense of humor. She's fine. So, yeah, but I wouldn't say Ed Burns is one of those guys. He's a family guy. He's like, you know, Irish Catholic, Irish Catholic guilt, which could compare with Jewish guilt. You know, so he's not one of those guys.

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I'm getting this. I just feel like I owe Sunday Ticket money. It's that good of a product. NFLSundayTicket.tv. And now back to Michael Rapaport. LeBron James, do you feel any differently about him? No. He's a great, great player. Is he in your top three? Of all time? Yeah.

He's in my top five. I think he's third for me now. Third best player of all time, one being Jordan? Jordan Russell LeBron. Oh, God. I just think the body of work now is unassailable. I hate it. I hate doing it.

I'm not even arguing about LeBron. You're still with the Bill Russell, huh? He won 11 titles in 13 years. Yeah. Again, he's playing against Uncle Maury. I don't care. He's the most successful team athlete of all time. Do you know that when I was playing?

I'm not just because we're older doesn't mean he starts dropping down a list that he owned. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. No, it really doesn't. I'm going to tell you something. When I was playing basketball in my career, at one point, my team won titles, fourth grade, fifth grade, and sixth grade. Nobody's talking about it.

You know why? Because it was at the YMCA League. Same thing with Bill Russell. You can't do it that way. How many teams were in the league? Eight teams in the NBA? This isn't even the ACC tournament. This is what I wrote my book about.

You have to judge it by the era. I got it. How good they were in their era because you can't compare the ACC tournament. This is what I wrote my book about. You have to judge it by the era. I got it. How good they were in their era because you can't compare the eras. DeAndre Jordan in 1960 would have had 50 rebounds a game. Exactly. Right. Exactly.

So he was an athlete who was ahead of his time. But evolutionary Bill Russell now would have been unbelievable. Bill Russell now wouldn't even make the D League. In the 1960s, he was blocking like 15 blocks. He'd have 15 blocks in a game. Now? He just blocked 15 in like the 1968 playoffs. There's box scores where they have little write-ups. And Bill Russell chipped in with 11 points, 30 rebounds, and 16 block shots.

This is in like 1968. Brian Scalabrini would win four championships in a row during that era. All right, by this logic, then the Knicks fans can't talk about the 70 and 73 Knicks anymore. You just got to let it go. It never happened. Why not? We won one. That was real.

Let's destroy your documentary. No. Let's burn your documentary. When the garden was eaten, we're not burning that. Yeah, we're burning that. We're not burning that. If Bill Russell's not the second best player ever, then I don't want... So you got Jordan?

Jordan Russell is unassailable, the top two. You got Russell over Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? Yeah. Okay, and who's fourth and fifth? Is this Pantheon? In my book, Kareem was third, Magic was fourth, Bird was fifth. Right, and the book was how old now? Ten years? The book's 2009. Okay, so

Kobe's where? Six, seven, eight? D. Wade? I have Kobe behind Duncan. Okay, that's fine. So now my new list would be MJ, Russell. Oh, with the fucking Russell, man. LeBron.

Kareem. Yes. Magic. Bird. Isaiah. Duncan. Yes. Magic. Bird. Isaiah. Duncan. Duncan. Kobe. Kobe.

Jerry and Oscar. And then I think Shaq, Hakeem. Listen, it's like a 14-person pantheon. Have you ever seen? LeBron can't be lower than 30. He just can't. Okay, you know your basketball. He just can't. When you wrote your book, you were deep into it.

You mentioned a few times about watching tape, watching tape. Yeah, yeah. Now it would be a lot easier to do this with tape. You know a lot about basketball. I mean, you know a lot. Thank you. Have you ever seen footage of Oscar Robertson dribbling with his left hand? Ever.

Oscar Robertson talking shit last year about Steph Curry. He, in his best game of his life, didn't do what Steph Curry did in one fucking playoff game. I mean, have you ever seen, is there any footage out there? I want to see footage of Oscar Robertson making a layup with his left hand. The big O, the big hater, I want to see footage

of that. That's how they played back then, though. But I'm saying, if he's so great. They pound the dribble, you bodied somebody down, it was all about, like, positioning. That's a good impression. Yeah. But I'm just saying, like, for him to sit there and question, like, these players now, and they're soft, and Steph Curry, and blah, blah.

Well, that's it. They're just bitter. Bitter? They're just bitter. I want to see. Can you use your left hand? But guess what happens if Steph Curry's in 1967? He scores 700 points a game?

No. He's out of the league in four years. Why? Because his ankles break down. He's done. He wouldn't even be... No, he sprains his ankles seven times. Oh, you mean with the shoes?

Children ligaments. No, he's wearing those low-top Converse. His ankles go. He's done. I don't... He's done. He could go half speed and break... All the shit that makes him great...

Fucking JoJo White? Look at all the shit he has to wear. He's wearing fucking... I know. The tie pad thingies. You know what has to wear. He's wearing fucking... I know. The tie pad thingies. You know what I'm saying. He's wearing these things, the compressor things. He's doing Pilates.

He's got somebody working on his legs. You know what I'm saying. In 1967, he's out of the league. Okay, how many points did Brandon Jennings average in 1968? He would fucking average 45 points a game. Yeah, he would have been like when Tiny Archibald was 35 a game. Exactly. So I don't like to discredit these dudes.

I just don't like to compare errors. Let me just ask you this. I don't think it's fair. Dr. J was like, oh, my God, Dr. J is revolutionized playing above the rim. There's like 20 guys who jump like him now. Right, but because of him. Right. So Russell, same thing.

All right. He made basketball vertical. I get that. But to put him in your top three of actual players, maybe obviously he's the number one winner. He never lost a seventh game. He never lost a deciding game. I know all that. I sat down with Bob Ryan. You know what else he did? What? You know what else he did? What'd he do? Wilt was the most unstoppable basketball player of all time. And all he did was fuck with Wilt's head, get in his head, twist things around, make Wilt think like he was his buddy.

And Wilt took it a little easy on him. He just Jedi mind tricked him for 11 years. I get all that. But he's like DeMarcus Cousins. Wilt was his light up here. He was banging three, four, five cocktail waitresses at a time. He made Wilt honestly think to himself, like, I don't want to be like Russell.

All Russell cares about is winning. Right. I don't want to end up like that. I want to enjoy my basketball. It was kind of what MJ did to all those guys in the 90s. They were all like, I don't want to end up like this guy. I'm not saying that he's not great. You can't compare the errors.

It's the evolution of man. I'm just saying I'm surprised for you to still say, when say guys like Michael Jordan, Bill Russell and LeBron. 11 and 13. Huh? 11 and 13 titles. 11 rings. 11 rings in 13 seasons. Right. And they lost in 58 because he sprained his ankle. And it'll never happen again because the league is far more competitive than it ever was. So that's why it'll never happen again. It's not because it'll never happen again because the league is far more competitive than it ever was. So that's why it'll never happen again. It's not because it'll never happen again because there's never a player who's great as Bill Russell. Well, I think it's the same thing with cars. So, you know, we live in L.A. You'll see a really nice 1966 Chevy.

Yes. Where you see like a 63 Porsche. Right. You'll be like, that is unbelievable. I can't even believe that car still exists. I would kill somebody for that car. It doesn't compare technically to the cars they have now. Right, the little space machines.

It's still a greater car. It's a more memorable car. It's like fucking amazing. You could drive that car 50 years later and it's still great. I understand, but it's different. That's the logic. I get it, I get it.

But can you just do me a favor here? I think I brought this up to you before. The next time, he's an older gentleman, and I say this with all due respect. The next time Bill Russell makes a public appearance. I know. You don't like how he dresses. No, can we shave him down so he doesn't look like he just escaped some fucking clinic somewhere? He comes up looking like a homeless guy.

Come on. Come on. No, honestly. He's gold. He's a god. Can we at least make him presentable? He always looks like he, I mean, give him a haircut. If we're going to do this, let's all stop talking about how cute Clyde Frazier's suits are.

But at least he's putting effort. Like, he's coming out looking sharp. He's a 70-year-old man. It's Clyde. It's part of his image. But at least he's putting effort. He knows he's on TV. I thought I could go the other way.

Fuck, Bill Russell. Can you at least, like, I mean, somebody in his camp, somebody at the, what the name of the arena, the Boston Arena? The TD Bank North Garden. Somebody at the TD Bank something can hand him a brush and a comb and say just, and an electric razor and be like, you have a hair. It's hanging off your face, Bill Russell. You're going to be on camera.

It's NBA royalty. I know. You're jinxing the Knicks. you're going to be on camera royalty i know you're jinxing the knicks rose is going to break a bone in his foot from all this don't you say that no this is you're doing you're no dancing on hollow somebody should just come up to him you know they'll come to me you're going to be on camera with an electric race and just be like you're on tv bill russell we just you're royalty he's the greatest living winner of all time he doesn't need to shave and And I hope he lives forever. And I know he's an older gentleman.

I say this a little. It's all fun and games. You know, when you poke fun at Boston and Boston shit, man. Motherfucker. Did you take shit for the deflacate thing? I take shit for, like, deflacate. Like, you, even when I say it to you, like, your lip literally, just now, when I talk about Bill Russell, like, there's a physical reaction you have. Can you replay that? Replay when I, like, his reaction a physical reaction you have. Can you replay that?

Replay when I, like, his reaction to when I. It happened when we did the HBO show. No, you literally have, like, a fucking, like, a physical reaction. That's why I poke. Look, I love Big Papi and his one eye and the glass eye. I have no problem with him. But the Boston people, they take their shit so seriously. When do you start the show again?

September 7th. Do we have a first guest booked? Yeah, we have a whole football show guest. It's going to be a whole football show. You're coming on at some point. You're in the mix for one of the first six. I'm ready. Yeah, we're ready. When we get a little closer to basketball.

We caught lightning in a bottle. I mean, you should do a fantasy football sequence. Something about fantasy football. Because the thing about fantasy football, it's so fucking nerd analytics. And at the end of the day, when you're playing fantasy football, you're naked. You're in a jockstrap. You got fucking, I got Q-tips up my nose, ice cream in one hand, and a phone checking the stats.

Like, fantasy football shouldn't be all so nerd analytics. It should be fun. So maybe we do something with fantasy because I love it. Maybe we should do a stickman fantasy draft. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. The greatest stickman. Eight teams, see who can draft the best thing. You get four, like a five-man roster. I got Sinatra.

That would be good. You could put names in there. You know what's going to be interesting? Who's on the board? Ooh, Javier Bardem. I didn't think he'd go that fast. Right, right. People would be like, well, I heard about him in Cuba in the 80s.

Don Johnson. Yeah. Legendary. Legendary. All-time legendary. But he slowed down. But I give him gold. He does what he wants. Michael Radford, it's always a pleasure. You're the man. Anytime y'all want to see me again,

rewind this track right here. Close your eyes. Pitching me rolling that's it for our show we'd like to thank simply safe remember burglar is skyrocket over the summer why not protect your home get a massive security arsenal with glass break entry sensors motion sensors everything you want be protected 24 24-7, year-round. And right now, SimpliSafe is giving you an absolutely incredible offer. $100 off a package that gives you complete protection of your home. SimpliSafeBill.com will get you that discount. Again, SimpliSafeBill.com.

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A $110 bonus offer that includes postage and a digital scale. Go to stamps.com. Click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in bs stamps.com enter bs thanks to c geek our presenting sponsor thanks to everyone at the ringer.com man is it boring right now in august and we've been writing about all kinds of stuff to keep it a little bit exciting a lot more nba than i expected and i've been enjoying all of them russell westbrook uh there was a post today about beal and john wall and the wizards they're not getting along

we've had a whole bunch of basketball and obviously a ton of football and college football and pop culture frank ocean the vma is coming up a bunch of tech that's been really good ringer.com check that out and check out all of our podcast networks, including two Keeping It 1600 podcasts this week because we're ramping it up right before the election. And finally, my show, Any Given Wednesday on HBO, comes back September 7th. You can check out the first eight episodes

and some bonus clips, including a Jonah Hill speed round that we put up this week on HBO Now, HBO Go, or HBO On Demand. We're putting out more stuff next week. And again, we're back on September 7th. Enjoy the weekend. We'll be back next week.