The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 124: Week 2 NFL Lines With Cousin Sal

Episode Date: September 14, 2016

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal on the 'Any Given Wednesday' set to discuss Week 2 NFL matchups, Al Michaels's double shift (13:00), Bill's Giants-Pats Super Bowl prediction ...(21:00), RG3's injury bug (28:00), the irrelevant Falcons (36:00), Baby Doll's Emmy prediction (44:00), and Sal's first week on Facebook (52:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode of the BS Podcast Week 2, Guess the Lines with Cousins Out, brought to you by SeatGeek, our presenting sponsor and the only fan-friendly app for buying and selling tickets for sports and music with just two taps on your phone you can instantly buy SeatGeek tickets to an event and you can enter that event using
Starting point is 00:00:16 your phone only, no paper tickets drop your ticket app, use one bill for 2016, download the free SeatGeek app or go to SeatGeek.com we are also brought to you by Slink TV the best way to watch live TV on your turf for just 20 bucks a month stream more than 20 live channels including ESPN TNT AMC and CNN no installation no extra gear no annual contracts just an internet connection and that is it start watching for 7 days free at sling.com slash bill simmons and get sling tv on your favorite device
Starting point is 00:00:48 restrictions do apply and since we're here my new HBO show any given Wednesday this week we have Chris Carter, Amy Trask and Joseph Gordon-Levitt we're talking football and a little Hollywood premieres Wednesday September
Starting point is 00:01:04 14th 10pm p.m. Re-airs on HBO and HBO2 all week. Bonus digital clips on HBO Now, HBO Go, and HBO On Demand. Check out TheRinger.com for columns, features, podcasts, and everything else. And if you want more football content, please check out The Ringer NFL Show. We launched that. It's got good people on it. You get to hear Kevin Clark, then about stuff, Robert Mays, then about stuff,
Starting point is 00:01:29 whole bunch of people from our whole ringer universe. That's the ringer NFL show podcast. Subscribe now. And we are off. Yeah. Clear enough for you? Yeah. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:01:50 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:01:58 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank peacefully. Right. So if you're listening to this at home, we're taping this in my TV studio with 20 people watching us. We just wanted to see what it would be like.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Yeah. Try it out. Maybe we'll take the show on the road. We should take it on the road. Will the 20 people come with us? We have to take the bed of the carefully planted people. Yeah. You had a rough weekend.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Oh, yeah. Well, you had a great weekend. I was really proud of you. This is Cousin Sal, by the way. Thank you. I was really proud of you. You launched your thing on Facebook Live, Cousin Sal Short Thing. Right.
Starting point is 00:02:33 There was a montage that you filmed in Vegas. You were throwing money. It was great. Opening sequence. Very assertive. This is a sure thing. I'm going to bet this money. I'm going to win.
Starting point is 00:02:44 But then the pics didn't come through. Right. Yeah, that's the big thing. It is a sure thing. I'm going to bet this money. I'm going to win. But then the picks didn't come through. Right. Yeah, that's the big thing. It's the fucking picks. That's what always gets you. I hate it. So the Bears, you're watching the Bears game. Have you ever had more at stake in a single game that you didn't actually gamble on? And it's really weird because, no, and I was like, why
Starting point is 00:03:00 am I even gambling anymore? I can't be more into a game when I have these picks that people are going to write terrible things about me after I blow it. But they're up 10-7, and then they didn't score the rest of the game. John Fox gave a Tony Robbins-type motivational speech at halftime, and they scored zero. Did he depress his team? I needed three points, and they couldn't score. What was the other team he lost? And then I had Tennessee, who was up 10-0 on Minnesota. They were getting a couple points, two and a half. Minnesota's defense took over.
Starting point is 00:03:27 That's it. That was it. So were you depressed? Walk me through your reaction. I was really upset. Then I had to go live on Facebook and recap it, and I have Brad, who's very hard to get him to even see that. You went online with what looked to be two homeless people, but I actually knew who they were. They were Brad and Scott.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Scott, yeah. Brad told me he was going to wear his best Tennessee Volunteers sweatshirt, and he didn't. This one was covered with barbecue sauce and everything else. You finished in ten minutes. He was like, you just wanted to get off. Should those be longer? Those need to be longer.
Starting point is 00:04:00 I didn't even realize it was on. Oh, really? They tell me those should be longer, but how much can I trust Brad in a live segment? You can't. I know. I don't trust Brad in a tape segment. I was lucky to get what I did out of him. So that's it. And then I had the
Starting point is 00:04:15 Lions came back and won for me. That's good. One and two is doable. One and two is great. You'll rally back. Thank you. Week one, we're taping this on a Tuesday afternoon. Week one, six teams that stood out. Pats, Steelers, Broncos, Packers, Bengals. And I'm throwing the Packers in there even though they lost. That feels like the top six to me.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Would you throw in the Giants? Oh, I didn't even look. No, no, no. We don't know how. Tier two for the Giants? We don't know how actually terrible the Cowboys are. Giant Seahawks, Texans, Vikings. I don't know how actually terrible the Cowboys are. Giants, Seahawks, Texans. And Vikings.
Starting point is 00:04:46 Vikings. I feel like that's our top ten. I think so. And the cards, it was just so unimpressive that they couldn't beat. I mean, granted, he's so handsome. Yeah. Garoppolo. Like, I do think they were staggered by it for about two quarters.
Starting point is 00:05:00 But then at halftime, they adjusted. Yeah. They looked at photos of other handsome people. I think that was it. And then eventually got used to it, and they came back a little bit. And we were all set to take the Patriots plus nine. It made all the sense in the world. And you're like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:13 I got a bad feeling about this. I think they're going to blow it. It's a huge F you to Goodell if they lose by 40. Wow, that makes sense. All right, yeah. It's like, you know, probably the linemen are saying, hey, LeGarrette Blount, we're not going to block for you today because we have to lose because it's a huge FU to Roger Goodell.
Starting point is 00:05:30 And I'm like, wait a minute, that's insane. How did we not take it? It turns out I'm an insane person. Because I really did. When they scratch Gronk, I'm like, I was like, Belichick wants to lose by 30 points to really stick it to NBC and the NFL. Yeah. And then, of course, we come out.
Starting point is 00:05:45 We look great. Garoppolo, perfect offense. He's throwing, like, little short passes. Is he, like, the 11th best quarterback in the league? I don't know 10 better than him. No, I don't know. How many better? It might be a little overreacting.
Starting point is 00:06:01 How many bad quarterbacks did we see last weekend, though? He's better than at least 10 of them. Yeah. Out of the young quarterbacks, he was in the top two with Carson Wentz. But I think, like, that third and 15 Amendola for 32 yards. Unbelievable. It was, like, what, seven or eight minutes left. It's like the fourth receiver in the play.
Starting point is 00:06:16 He was. He looked off, like, three receivers and threw it in. I was texting back and forth with my dad, and we were waiting for the terrible pick or the terrible fumble or something. And there was that moment when he scrambled out, and the guy was coming at him. He did, like, the juke step with his feet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:30 And it was like, this is it. Here's the fumble. But he didn't fumble. He never had a turnover. Now, you have a theory that they shouldn't sign him. You're thinking Brady doesn't want this guy replacing him. I just know how I'd feel as an only child. Right.
Starting point is 00:06:43 I would want them to get rid of him though. I wouldn't want to. Yeah. It's like what we were talking about with Letterman. Letterman would always have people who could never take his show. Letterman never would have had Jimmy Fallon after him. You want a Craig Ferguson in there. He wants Craig Ferguson. Right. He wanted like Matt Castle was perfect. He's like, this guy's fine. Keep him for 10 years. Exactly. But we have our agent, Babydoll, James Babydoll Dixon. You can relate to this late night talk. He represents everybody.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Well, almost everybody. Now he's waiting to get called up. We're not calling him up. Okay, I didn't know that. But they could trade Garoppolo week five, because I think he's going to be a free agent soon. Brady comes back and just trade him for assets. For though you're gonna need to replace Brady at some point don't you think oh god forbid no I really hope that's not true it's three years and Garoppolo's
Starting point is 00:07:35 29 that's you don't think that's worth it to there were a couple moments when I did have some I've been married to the same person for a long time and now there's new persons in my life who are like, oh, Brady can't do that. Oh, Brady rolls. Brady doesn't roll out that fast. I did catch myself a couple times thinking that way. Oh, Tom wouldn't have been able to do that. And then I felt really guilty. Yeah, seek therapy.
Starting point is 00:07:58 Yeah, stupid actors. I think Brady can play three more years, though. So, my question is, if he gets to spend like 11 games a year, he could play like seven years, though. He's good. So my question is, at some point, If he gets to spend, like, 11 games a year, he could play, like, seven years. I resented that. Brock Osweiler got $18 million a year. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:13 So it feels like that's what Garoppolo's price would be on the open market. Did you watch him, by the way? Osweiler? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Every play of that bear is good. He looks confident, and then he has a couple plays.
Starting point is 00:08:24 He throws it from weird angles, and he's kind of lumbering, and you think he's terrible, and then all of a sudden he makes it. I need to watch him another couple weeks. I was more in on him before the game than after, but I think that team's going to be good. Do you agree with me yet on the AFC South? With that it's going to be the Texans? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:39 I kind of do now. I hate to say it, but the Jags played. That was a better game than I think people want to give credit for. They stayed in the whole way with Green Bay. But Osweiler, Hopkins is phenomenal. Yeah. He gets open or he gets a flag thrown on almost every route that's thrown to him. And this guy, Fuller, is tremendous.
Starting point is 00:08:56 I think he had 107 yards receiving. He's available. And he was overthrown twice. Yeah. Overthrown twice and dropped one. But he's going to be great. Plus, he had the V on his jersey. He did?
Starting point is 00:09:06 He had Fuller V for Fuller V. Oh, I didn't know that. Which I thought was a bold move. I thought he was a fan of the V. No, I'd never seen the V. And then somebody else had a senior, maybe Sunday night or last night. Oh, Gurley has the second, right? No, somebody was a senior because they must have just had a kid who's a junior.
Starting point is 00:09:27 And it's like, I'm pretty sure we're not going to get you confused with your two-year-old son. Steve Smith. Steve Smith did that. Yeah, you don't really need to be a senior. Anything else jump out at you? I don't know. Any surprises? Do you believe in the Bucs yet?
Starting point is 00:09:41 I think that's interesting. That was your team, right? So in our wins pool where we had to pick three teams, I had 10, 12, and 24. Yeah, we both went through. I did Giants 10, Texans 12, and then I had the Bucs at 24, and I was hoping they could get to 9 and 7. Yeah. I really think they can get to 9. I think they're going to make the playoffs. That's a good offense. I don't know. Defensively, they need to step it up a little bit yeah but jamis might be like this is a real deal yeah i was really impressed with him leg skinny jamis can i can i get off pros for a second and talk about the worst beat of all time
Starting point is 00:10:14 i had saturday yeah oklahoma state i know you're maybe familiar with this already but i'm not i don't know i do those five or six team money line parlays where I take 18 point favorites but just take the money line to win you know so it pays garbage but yeah I like it because I don't have to watch most of the games this one I had to watch Oklahoma State home against Central Michigan they are up three with the ball and four seconds left fourth down the quarterback throws it out of bounds they celebrate the clock expires. They celebrate. The clock expires. Zero's all over the place. Clock expires.
Starting point is 00:10:48 Everyone's celebrating. The ref flags them for intentional grounding and adds an extra play for Central Michigan, which is garbage because the game should have been over. You either decline the penalty and the clock expires, or you take the penalty and the game's over. They later apologize for this and are suspended two weeks and all this stuff. Oh, I saw this. Those were the refs? Next play, 50-yard Hail Mary with a lateral and everything else, and I lose.
Starting point is 00:11:14 And you bet on this? You don't get worse than up three with the ball and four seconds left. This is not basketball where it could be a freak thing and a technical. And how many things can you do at the line of scrimmage a thousand to kill that clock and not throw so you bet on oklahoma state versus central michigan yes yeah it was a 9 a.m game our time don't laugh i shouldn't even talk about i'm still like sick like and this stupid coach let the refs give them i would have been doing snow angels at the 50 yard line until they took me off the field. Like, you can't add a play.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Don't gamble, I think. I'm starting to wonder if you have a gamble. Yeah. Add of the weekend, Bo Jackson's Tecmo Bowl ad. Did you see that? I didn't see it. No. Yeah, it was a Bo Jackson for Kia.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Really? Tecmo Bowl. And he leaves the game and comes back with a Kia and starts running around the field. It won the weekend. Wow. Because it was basically like every ad was Peyton Manning or Aaron Rodgers. And then this one really likable Bo Jackson ad, which I was happy about.
Starting point is 00:12:16 Peyton Manning. I really thought, now that he was retired, I didn't think he was going to be in my life as much. But he was all over the place. He was there Thursday night. You were screaming on our last podcast about how he's not, why isn't he coming back? Why isn't he doing? Yeah, but he was there for Thursday night,
Starting point is 00:12:30 and like you said, every other commercial. Did you see how Collinsworth reacted to that? No, I don't think I did. I don't think he'd like to have a Manning in there. Oh, really? I think he saw his future. Threatened, huh? It would be like if I had a CAH and sitting next to a baby right now.
Starting point is 00:12:42 I'd just be flat out threatened by the CAH. She's not a CAA agent? No, she is, actually. Oh, okay. Yeah, she's young. But, yeah, I don't think he totally liked it. Right. I was proud of Al Michaels
Starting point is 00:12:53 because he's like five years older than my dad, and he did two games in four days. Just for doing that much, you should be proud. Yeah, just... My dad watching two games in four days would have been challenging for him. Al Michaels flew to two different destinations and announced the games. Such a pro. Should we do the week
Starting point is 00:13:09 two lines? Let's do them. So we sent these guesses to each other already. Who won last week? I won, yeah. I don't think I announced it, but I won 12 to 8. 12 to 8. We should probably say who wins and loses if we're going to do this.
Starting point is 00:13:26 All right, Don Julio, shot of the week. We've got to take a shot at this. You like the Bills or you like the Jets? I'm going Jets. This line move scares me. I'm going Jets, too. And I really think Rex might be working for a television station in, like, five weeks. Really?
Starting point is 00:13:42 And I actually think that's his destiny. I'm excited for it. Really? Yeah. I think he'll be good. The HBO is going to gonna be a cameraman on your show i would love to have him on hbo rex when when you get fired i have a spot for you it'd be great i would love to talk football with you uh yeah i think i think this is gonna be bad i could see the bills mafia getting very upset i think we might hear our first ryan must go. That's my Don Julio shot of the week. All right. So we have Thursday night.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Rex Ryan, who was looming as the favorite for first coach, fired. Right. And then Jeff Fisher literally pulled his pants down and took a shit on TV. He did. Yeah, Rex had it locked up. Really squeezed it out. For about 36 hours. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Mike McCoy, too. They blew a 20, 24-point lead. It's a bad loss. But I think Jeff Fisher is now in the driver's seat. He might get fired. As we're doing this podcast, he might have got fired. Yeah, please, check your phones and see what's going on. So this is in Buffalo.
Starting point is 00:14:41 I had Bills minus three, and it was minus three Monday morning. Now it's Jets minus one. So you win that one. I think this line ends with Jets favored by three. What happened? The Bills are terrible. I think they're a bottom five team. Weren't they terrible Sunday night? Like when this line came out? I don't understand what happened.
Starting point is 00:15:00 I think people realized the Jets might actually be good. That Jets-Bengals game was almost like a playoff game. Yeah. I thought it was, like, two of, like, the best eight or nine teams. I looked to see why this spread jumped four points, and I was like, all right, someone's got to be hurt. It's either the Watkins or McCoy or something.
Starting point is 00:15:20 And it said, the best I found was Rex Ryan follows in his brother's footsteps and gets the lap band removed. I'm like, well, that can't move the line four points, can it? Maybe three. I'm not kidding. It was like four hours ago, Yahoo. Wait a second. Can we go back to the lap band removed. I'm like, well, that can't move the line four points, can it? Maybe three. I'm not kidding. It was like four hours ago, Yahoo. Wait a second. Can we go back to the lap band? Yeah. So he got it removed? I read it real quick, yeah. He got it followed and he did something with the lap band.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Does that mean it didn't work or he just wants to eat more? How does that work? I think both. Okay. I think it means both. But how about Revis? Can we discuss him for a second? How was he the greatest and now he just gets torched every week?
Starting point is 00:15:47 I just, when Belichick cuts ties. No, when Belichick knows, he's like a dog. Yeah. Like, he sniffs death. He just knows. And Revis is like, all right, thanks. Thanks for everything. We'll see you later.
Starting point is 00:16:01 And it's like the guy is never as good after they leave. That was it. I can't think of one example of a guy coming back to haunt us in like 15 years. No, probably not. But I think also having an Iowan named after you is bad. Rivas Iowan. It does seem like a jinxing type thing. It's like Tommy Bahama.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Got addicted to meth. His wife left him as soon as they named the Iowan. I was listening to the NFL series, NFL radio, which I listen to now more than. Yeah, I just can't do ESPN named Iowa. I was listening to the NFL, Sirius NFL Radio, which I listen to now more than... Yeah, I just can't do ESPN Radio anymore. I understand. I just can't. Why? Is there a history or something? No, it has nothing to do with the history.
Starting point is 00:16:36 I just, you know, I want to hear football talk. It turns out the Sirius NFL channel actually has football talk. They're serious about football, yeah. But one guy was like, you cannot blame Darrell Rivas. A.J. Green made some – I was like, I'm going to blame Darrell Rivas. Yeah, sure. The guy who was like – he cut 12 of 13 passes on him.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Yeah. The same thing with Josh Norman last night where they spent all this money on him and they don't even have him one-on-one against Antonio Brown. Why did you spend all the money on this guy? $75 million. And it's like, you know what? Go off to the other side. Are you done filling out your startup paperwork?
Starting point is 00:17:09 Do you have your Social Security card and your license? Just do B and C. Get your medical benefits out. Yeah, fill that out and then join us in the third quarter. That made no sense at all. The Ringers' Kevin Clark told me like two weeks ago that he was already unhappy there. Really?
Starting point is 00:17:20 And after watching that game. Already? I had the Redskins as a playoff team. I'm out. I'm just, the one thing we've learned with week one sometimes is just move on. I think that might be the good-bad team, though. Well, I wanted to talk, we listed the top five or six, but who's definitely out? Who's, oh, I have, I think two teams.
Starting point is 00:17:37 The Browns are out. I think they were out a week ago, but I think they're out again. I think the Bills. Oh. I'm already Bills. Oh. I'm already crossing. Not the Rams? Oh, you're talking definitely out? That's it.
Starting point is 00:17:48 Remember, we cross off teams. Oh, I'd have the Browns. Just the Browns. How many do we have to cross off to? However many are out. I'm not crossing off the Rams yet. Really? I would cross off.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Yeah, I think just the Browns. Anything that I liked about the Rams yesterday. Yeah, but remember last year, the Vikes got killed by the Niners on that game last year. I think that's just a weird game. It's at 10-20. I feel weird watching it. Berman's announcing it. I think it freaks the players out. It's so strange.
Starting point is 00:18:16 All the Eagles references, it just gets in their head. Yeah, I mean, even he didn't want to listen to himself this year. Not bad for Steve Young. Yeah, I would cross off the Browns. And everyone else I want to see another week. I can't give up on the Rams yet. They have too much talent.
Starting point is 00:18:33 All right. I would have said Browns and Rams. But 9-7 might make wild cards. I just think that division is not – I'm still not done with Arizona. All right, Sunday, Titans at Lions. Titans-Lions. So we have a nice full slate of Titans at Lions. Titans-Lions. So we have a nice full slate of Sunday early games.
Starting point is 00:18:54 And I have Detroit giving four points at home against the Tennessee Titans. That might be too low. It is low. I had six and a half. It is six. That's too high. Not a teaser game we would take. That feels like a Titans-Moneyline game.
Starting point is 00:19:10 To me, the Titans and the Jaguars are the two teams that might be a little better than we think they are. Because that Vikings defense is top five. Right. And the Pack, you just started talking about it before, and then we audibled away from it. Right. I think the Jags, there's a chance they might be good. Like, they played the Pack really well in that game. I don't know if it was because of the weather, because it was It was like 110 degrees in the field But I want to see them another week
Starting point is 00:19:29 We made a lot of TJ Eldon now I think Yeah But You know he's on my fantasy team In our league Yeah But we spent $29 on Thomas Rawls Yeah
Starting point is 00:19:39 Who's a backup Right right So I'm $171 salary cap I'm done I'm like the Browns. Cross me off. I know. I think I've spent $58 on Todd Gurley, who I'm going to bench this week. Oh, Jesus. Same thing.
Starting point is 00:19:52 What about Dominick and Suve stomping on another angle? Ankle, rather. Are we stomp profiling with that, though? Are we sure he did it that time? I think he's got a finishing move. I think he's the first football player to have a wrestling here he comes with a stop like not even a post a touchdown celebration move like he's doing it during the game spectacular okay all right so i
Starting point is 00:20:15 get that one uh saints and giants the saints have another terrible defense and i actually like this giants team and i i know it hurts you deep in your recesses of your soul that the Giants are going to be good again. I feel good about my Super Bowl prediction. Giants and Patriots. Trilogy. The third receiver, like, that Shepard,
Starting point is 00:20:37 that one touchdown catch he made, they didn't have a third receiver who could make a play like that last year. When Eli has those three receivers, I think he's not the black sheep manning anymore i still consider him the black and beckham could go for 600 yards this week that that yeah secondary is so bad they did nothing in free agency they they signed fleener the tight end who i think ended up with zero yards i know and they were throwing to him too yeah the one thing with them is they keep landing these wide receivers that nobody's ever heard of that all of a sudden are having hundreds of games.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Yeah. Willie Sneed wasn't like a first-round pick, was he, or was he? No. I don't think he was. First blonde guy to be picked. So Giants-Saints, I have the Giants by five and a half, and I have a comment after you make your pick. All right, I said four, and it's four and a half,
Starting point is 00:21:22 so I get that barely, right? Okay. I think this is the kind of game the Giants fans and it's four and a half, so I get that barely, right? Okay. I think this is the kind of game the Giants fans, it's on their radar. It looks good. Our offense is great. We're going to put up all these points, and this is like Eli lays those three eggs a year. I don't know if it's going to be this week, but I just want to put everyone on one.
Starting point is 00:21:41 All right. I'm ready for one. Anytime it looks too good for the Giants, something bad happens. Gotcha. All right. During the regular season, not the right. I'm ready for one. Anytime it looks too good for the Giants, something bad happens. Gotcha. All right. During the regular season, not the playoffs. I'm with you. Quick break to talk about DraftKings. I had a frustrating DraftKings weekend in week one.
Starting point is 00:21:54 I put my eggs in the Russell Wilson basket, and the basket spilled over, and the eggs broke. But that doesn't mean I'm not coming back this week on DraftKings. And they are offering another free fantasy contest this week. I repeat, it's free. They're offering $100,000 in total prizes up for grabs. Remember, DraftKings.com, the destination for one-week fantasy football. No season-long commitments. Pick a contest.
Starting point is 00:22:18 Draft a fake team of real players. Be their fake GM. Follow that fake team live. And you might win real money. Do a contest with friends or beginners. Do a 50-50 contest or be like me and do a single entry league. I actually enjoy those. Go to DraftKings.com.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Use the code SIMMONS to play for free in this weekend's $100,000 fantasy contest. Again, it's free. DraftKings.com. Code SIMMONS. Eligibility restrictions may apply. See the website for free. DraftKings.com code Simmons. Eligibility restrictions may apply. See the website for details. Back to the podcast.
Starting point is 00:22:49 Panthers at, I'm sorry, 49ers at Panthers. So I had, it's the biggest spread of the year so far. Definitely double digits. I had the Panthers by 11 and a half. You actually didn't go high enough. I said 13, and it was 14 before yesterday. It's down to 13.5.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Here's flipping around your cross-off question. How many teams in the league, if they're down 10, the game is over? Because I know the 49ers put up 28 in that game. Right. But if the Panthers are up 10-0, it's over. If they're down 10 to the Panthers, it's over. If they're down 10 to the— Any good defense, it's over, right?
Starting point is 00:23:23 They're not going to be able to come back. So I would say the Browns are like that, and the Rams and the Titans would be my three teams. I just don't think they could come back. Browns, Rams, Titans? Yeah. Down 10? Okay. I don't know about Marriott. There's no way to prove this, but yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:40 I like it. Maybe the Dolphins, too. I don't know about Marriott. It just takes them so long to move the ball. And they didn't do them any favors. They cut Justin, what's his name? They cut Doral Green back on them. To keep Andre Johnson.
Starting point is 00:23:56 He was like our age. If Delaney Walker's not open, it's just going to be forever to get that. Did you know Andre Johnson was on the Titans? Be honest. He's back on the Titans? Oh, he's on the Titans. He's on the Titans. You knew that? No. They threw to him on Sunday. I was on the Titans? Be honest. He's back on the Titans? Oh, he's on the Titans. He's on the Titans. You knew that?
Starting point is 00:24:07 No. They threw to him on Sunday. I was like, really? Andre Johnson? Are you sure? Because we once had an A Johnson, and it didn't. No, it was Andre Johnson. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:16 Or it was his body double. Dolphins at Patriots. I had trouble with this one. I put this in the Vegas zone. Pats by five and a half. Yeah, you're going to get it. I said three. I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:24:28 I think I'd made this before the Sunday night game, whatever. It was four and a half. Now it's six and a half. What about this being on a radar? Speaking of a radar game. I'm worried about this game. Yeah. I know it's my job to worry about the Pats.
Starting point is 00:24:41 That Dolphins D-line looked good in Seattle. And Jimmy just spent the last three days hearing from everybody in his life about how great he was and you're so awesome and great job. You're great. This is great. I don't know. Then Sue stomping on his leg. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:57 You know, I don't know. It didn't show a lot offensively, but. I think they're factoring in the three extra points in these lines for the Pats because they know, like, that first half is so tough for the defense when they see Jimmy. Right. It's just... You're in love with this guy. He's very handsome.
Starting point is 00:25:11 He's really, really an attractive guy. Speaking of... Although my daughter did say she thought... She was like, oh, he's really good looking. And then she goes, but Brady's a little bit better looking. Really? That's my girl. Way to do it.
Starting point is 00:25:23 Better be careful. He's a scoundrel, Brady. Come on. They'll wait. They'll wait. He's a happily that's my girl. Way to do it. You better be careful. He's a scoundrel, Brady. Come on. They'll wait. They'll wait. He's a happily married man with children. He's a very good father. You had your fantasy team.
Starting point is 00:25:34 You had Gronk. I did. The news came out Thursday night, Friday, that he wasn't traveling with the team. That started him with the red flag and the O. There has to be a name for that. The first person in your fantasy league to start a player who's not actually playing. I didn't have a choice. We couldn't add a tight end. There were three backup tight ends
Starting point is 00:25:50 who got six points that you could have traded for. You just took a zero. You think I should have traded? Of course. Trade for a backup. Julius Thomas. My team sucks. You took a zero? You lost by five points to Jon Hamm. If Gronk isn't healthy, I don't want to win. You lost by five points.
Starting point is 00:26:05 All right. All right, Ravens at Browns. Ravens at Browns. I have Ravens by four, and I think I'm probably too low. The Browns are terrible. Can we... Our friend Alec, who used to be president of the Browns, is here. Do you want to guess the line, Alec?
Starting point is 00:26:21 You don't want to guess? He can't talk. Is that part of the gag order? You can't even guess the line? You can't say anything. How dare you. You said four? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:28 I said six. It's six and a half. Six and a half? Yeah. In Cleveland? In Cleveland. Who's the Cleveland quarterback this week? It's McCown, which is good for Gary Barnes.
Starting point is 00:26:39 I kind of like the Browns. It might not be bad. Yeah. It might not be bad. I felt bad for Robert Griffin. Yeah. I was actually kind of secretly hoping he'd be half decent, and he just can't stay in the field,
Starting point is 00:26:54 and obviously he's meant to play a context. Right. Much like your beloved Tony Romo. He's not anything like my beloved Tony Romo. Well, sometimes your body's telling you something. He's going to do porn. That's next for me. Romo is? Robert Griffin. It's going to do porn. That's next for me. Robo-ist?
Starting point is 00:27:06 Robert Griffin. It's going to be RG3-some. Bob, RG3-some. Yeah, I'm taking a sip after that. All right. RG3-some. Casey at Texans. This is the game of the early days.
Starting point is 00:27:20 No, I don't think so. I think the next one is. Really? I like this game. I got Texans by two and a half, and I like the Texans. You had it exactly. It's two and a half. I said three.
Starting point is 00:27:28 And, yeah. What a garbage win by the Chiefs. Don't celebrate after that win. No, I don't care. You don't care because you have it? No, I have it. They're one of my three teams that you talked about. Well, the only reason they won is because Keenan Allen blew out his ACL in the first half when the Chargers were up by
Starting point is 00:27:46 21, and the Chargers literally saw their season being carted off, and that was it. Although they still had the ball when we're driving in the third quarter. It was really weird how quickly they blew that game, but I think that was the worst loss of the week for a city for a team. That's going to be the worst loss of the month. This is a team that has to get in good
Starting point is 00:28:02 graces with their fans and their city, come back to San Diego. Huge division rival. They're up three touchdowns, and then they lose their star receiver. That's bad. Pretty bad. I mean, I guess you could say they're done, too. I like when people complain because they had Keenan Allen on their fantasy team.
Starting point is 00:28:19 Like it somehow is a parallel amount of pain to Keenan Allen, who blew out his knee and can't play football anymore. It's like they're sharing this with us. Yeah, you kind of know what you're getting. It's your fake fantasy team. Come on. This is the one I think is the game of the week. Cincy at Pittsburgh. You're right. That is the game of the week.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Always solid. Is that guy still suspended? Perfect? Yeah, yeah. Perfect strangers. He's out. Perfect strangers. I have Steelers by three. I had three and a half,'s right now it's three and a half so i'm gonna take that one but the steelers look great i don't know how they keep finding
Starting point is 00:28:51 these receivers i've never heard of it is unbelievable like this who's the new rogers is that eli rogers where the fuck did he come from yeah i don't know every year they find a new guy he's always between 5 9 and'11. He's running around catching everything. And the Nats are like, they love this guy. They love this. It's like just once, the Patriots, I guess I can't complain because I have four Super Bowls. You can't complain, right? Yeah, I can't complain. D'Angelo Williams was the best backup in maybe football history.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Why doesn't he make $10 million a year? I don't know. I mean, how old is he? Is he 30 or 33? 30. The Steelers pissed me off. The Bengals were good last week, though. Andy Dalton deserves credit.
Starting point is 00:29:28 He was under siege a lot. Yeah, I mean, what did he get? Sacked seven times. I was really impressed by the Jets' defensive line. They didn't even have, which one was that, Wilkerson or Richardson? They have everybody back this week. Richardson. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:41 It's out. Yeah. All right. One more early game. We could skip this one. Cowboys at Redskins. Wow. Two traumatized teams.
Starting point is 00:29:50 I had the Native Americans by three. Yeah. You're going to get it. They're favored by two and a half. I said four and a half. I thought it would be a little higher. This was before I saw them. Do you want like 20 minutes, 20 seconds to talk about the Cowboys or no?
Starting point is 00:30:03 Just, I don't know. Had you ever lost a game like that? What are you talking about? Of course, they're all like that. It's all the same. You can't have lost
Starting point is 00:30:10 a game like that. Oh, a guy not getting out of bounds? Had that happened yet? No, I guess that specifically didn't happen. And Jason Garrett, of course,
Starting point is 00:30:17 looked fine with the whole thing. Like, I just don't like the whole game plan. He played it like he was playing fantasy. He's very fine with terrible losses. He could throw a He played it like he was playing fantasy. He's very fine with terrible losses.
Starting point is 00:30:26 He could throw a headset once. Alfred Morris was clearly better than the kid, Ezekiel Elliott. But, you know, he had to have 25 carries. I think he drafted him. I'm almost positive he drafted him in this fantasy league. Dez gets five touches, five targets a game. Clinton gets 14. It's just such a bad game plan all along,
Starting point is 00:30:46 and we were right there to win that game. I was impressed that Dez didn't flip out on the sidelines on anybody. Yeah. I think he must really like Dak Prescott, is my guess. Maybe, maybe. They might have gone to the Spearmint Ride on that day. Nice vibe with that. That's not Dez's way, but I know what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:31:02 All right, late afternoon. That's not Dez's way. Do you know that for a fact? No. I know that for a lot of fiction. Seahawks at Rams. The Rams are just abominable. Thanks for the gift, St. Louis.
Starting point is 00:31:17 It's great. Thanks for your 53 shitty players. I had the Seahawks by three, and with that said, as we discussed on Twitter last night when we tweeted each other, when we could just text each other, I don't know why we don't. Yeah, you're right. This has all the makings of just a terrible Seahawks loss, or scary. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:39 How many times have the Rams done this to the Seahawks? It'll at least be like it was last week for Seattle. They'll have to eat it out or something. They'll sweat it out. I had them by four, favored by seven. It went from four to seven. Well, see, the problem with this is I mailed you my lines on Monday. I know, but I didn't change mine either.
Starting point is 00:31:58 I don't like your game sometimes. Bucks at cards. Bucks at cards. I'm all in on the B and i think i'm i think my instincts might be right with the cards first of all they look super sloppy i thought they were poorly coached i didn't think palmer played very well he guys opened that whole game right he had a lot of bad throws and i don't know it's not like we had the greatest balls and everything and that william shouldn't be a cornerback for them.
Starting point is 00:32:25 That's going to be a tough one. I'm watching that game for four. Big athletic receivers. Yeah. It's going to be tough for them. And I'm watching that game for four quarters going, please don't throw to Fitzgerald. He's just going to catch it every time.
Starting point is 00:32:35 Please don't hand off to your running back who's going to run for 70 yards. Right. And it was like they didn't go totally. When you were saying this, was your daughter like, Daddy, shut up. I'm trying to stare at Garoppolo. She didn't say that? She didn't go totally. When you were saying this, was your daughter like, Daddy, shut up. I'm trying to stare at Garoppolo. She wasn't. She didn't say that?
Starting point is 00:32:49 She didn't say that. I think this is one of the, you know, there's always a game with teams 1 and 0 that shouldn't be and a team's 0 and 1 that shouldn't be. Yeah. And then you're like, all right, I'll even out. But no. We're going to be like, Team A is 2 and 0.
Starting point is 00:32:59 That's crazy. Team B, the cards are rolling. So who's our team A is 2 and 0? That's crazy. Well, this is the game. What are you talking about? The game we're talking about. Yeah. Bucs. I think the Bucs could be 2-0. Do you think people think it's crazy that the Bucs are 2-0, though?
Starting point is 00:33:11 Arizona almost went to the Super Bowl. It'd be weird for them to start 0-2. I think it'd be crazier if the Niners were... Oh, yeah. But they'd have to beat the Panthers. Yeah, I guess you're right. You don't think the Ravens could qualify? Well, everyone wrote them off. Yeah, I guess you're right. You don't think the Ravens could qualify? Well, everyone wrote them off. Yeah, I guess.
Starting point is 00:33:28 So you think this is possible? I think the Bucs can absolutely beat the Cards. I watched that whole Bucs game. That was my biggest over-under bet. I picked them for the playoffs and kind of in on... You love the Bucs and you like the Cards. Quick break to talk about our friends at Sling TV.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Monday Night Football has started. Well, that's on ESPN. College football has started. I think a lot of those games are on ESPN, too. I hope you're not going to spend the next four months hoping a friend will invite you over to watch football or saving up to splurge on a night of lonely sports bar drinks. That's gambling money.
Starting point is 00:34:01 Oh, and I really hope you don't plan on wasting hours on Mondays looking for a shady live stream that will crash your iPad during Monday Night Football. You have a better, cheaper option. It's Slink TV, the best way to watch live TV on your turf for just $20 a month. Get more than 20 live channels, including ESPN, TNT, AMC, and other top networks. Add on channel packs like the Sports Extra Package for just $5 a month extra. No installation, no extra year, no annual contracts, and easy online cancellation. Just get an internet connection and you're ready to go.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Start watching for seven days free at sling.com slash Bill Simmons. Don't miss out on football when you don't have to. Get Sling TV on your favorite device. Restrictions do apply. Oh, and speaking of football, let's talk about NFLSundayTicket.tv. Did you watch football last Sunday? I watched football. I watched football all day. They had a lot of games on. I think there were nine early games and then three late games. Nine early games. That's a lot of football to be watching at the same time. And it's frustrating if you don't have Sunday ticket. So look, you can still watch football games on Sunday,
Starting point is 00:35:10 even without a satellite. Some people don't have direct view because they don't have the satellite. Well, now you don't need a satellite for just $49.99 a month. You can stream games using your favorite device. And if you're a college student, there's an exclusive deal. You can get NFL Sunday Ticket for only $24.99 a month. And right now, our listeners get 10% off when using the promo code RINGER. So go to NFLSundayTicket.tv, use promo code R-I-N-G-E-E-R today, and you'll be in good shape with the football season. NFL Sunday Ticket.tv. And now, back to the podcast. today and you'll be in good shape with the football season nfl sunday ticket dot tv and now back to the podcast all right falcons at raiders i had the raiders by four and a half and that's
Starting point is 00:35:53 another team i really like and was impressed by you get this it spread is five by the way we both said six and a half and it was it is six and a half for bucks cards uh yeah it spreads five i said three so you get this one. I think the Falcons are flat-out terrible. I just think they stink. Yeah, I think it's over. No defense. That team's a borderline cross-off for me.
Starting point is 00:36:16 They were done in that Bucs game. They rallied back late, but the game was over in the third quarter. And what balls on Del Rio, right? It's the thing we always say, like, yeah, go for two on the road at the end. And then when he does, it's like, are you crazy? You're going to get fired. You're going to kick the extra point. He went for two pretty early in that game, too, and they didn't
Starting point is 00:36:33 get it. The coaching was pretty spotty, and he was calling timeouts at weird times, and then that two-point was great. Could he be the new riverboat Ron? We've talked about this before. Sometimes when a coach does that, it really does give the team a little swagger. I thought that was great.
Starting point is 00:36:52 I really like the Raiders. I'm glad the Raiders are good. Their secondary sucks, though. If Matt Ryan has anything left as a possible anything, then he should throw for 480 yards this week. Just in garbage time, you're saying? Oh, Raiders secondary. Yeah, the Raiders secondary was not good.
Starting point is 00:37:06 You think so? Oh, well, yeah. I mean, to give up a 98-yard touchdown is pretty embarrassing. Breeze shows off. He flexes his muscles. They were picking on, I can't remember his name, but they kept picking on him. It was like how the Pats kept picking on the guy in the cards.
Starting point is 00:37:18 The Raiders had a guy that Breeze kept just going after, going after. We should learn these players' names. Yeah, probably. Jaguars at Chargers. Jaguars at Chargers. Jaguars at Chargers. I have the Chargers by three, and I like the Jags. I think that's going to be a bummed-out crowd.
Starting point is 00:37:34 We both had three, and it is three. You like the Jags here? I do. I think the Jags are pretty good. I don't think the Chargers... We talked about it. I don't think the Chargers have a home field advantage. No, that's why last week was so miserable game to blow. The only good thing for the Chargers in this game is usually there's like 20,000 fans from the other team.
Starting point is 00:37:56 There aren't any Jaguar fans. What guys are driving up from L.A. like the diehard Jaguars fans wearing Basselli jerseys? I'm with you. Colts at Broncos. Colts at Broncos. What guys are driving up from L.A. like the diehard Jaguars fans wearing Basselli jerseys? I don't see it. Colts at Broncos. Colts at Broncos. Broncos by four. And I don't like this game. I'm staying away completely.
Starting point is 00:38:13 Is this Sunday night or is this Sunday? No, not yet. Late afternoon. I said five and it's six. Broncos by six. Wait, let me add these up to build some drama for these last two. Seven. I know the audience is.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Six, seven, eight. Come on, guys. This, six, seven, eight. Come on, guys. This is exciting. Nine, seven. Good guys. I'm winning, and you need the next two to tie. The Colts, we talk about this every year. Yet again, they were down by two touchdowns
Starting point is 00:38:37 in that game. Has any team fallen behind by 14 or more in more games than the Colts? Over and over again, they're down, they rally back. Why do they make it so hard on themselves? Isn't that a sign of a bad coach? Like if every podcast we did, the first 25 minutes, I was incoherent and just terrible,
Starting point is 00:38:57 and then all of a sudden I got better as it went along, I would try to fix that? Yeah. Well, this is one of my cousin Sal's sure thing picks. And I think Chuck Strong or the guy before him was like seven out of eight of the opening games of the Colts, seven of the last eight, they lost and didn't cover. So they are a slow start team just in general.
Starting point is 00:39:18 I was thinking, I have no proof on this, so I don't know if I'm talking out of my ass, but the way they changed the CBA and how many young players every team has, all these undrafted rookies, how you don't know if I'm talking out of my ass, but the way they changed the CBA and how many young players every team has, all these undrafted rookies, how you don't have as many veterans, how you don't get to practice for three months and all this stuff, and it's kind of chaos that first month.
Starting point is 00:39:35 I wonder if the well-coached teams have just this unbelievable advantage. Like the Belichick and Tomlin, all these teams that have the infrastructures. Maybe we should look at that from a gambling standpoint or maybe not maybe we just lose money on it every week it's something you can examine on your show
Starting point is 00:39:54 every other Wednesday whatever it's called Packers at Vikings this is the Sunday night game that's a good one pretty good do you start Bradford or is Hill This is the Sunday night game. That's a good one. Pretty good. Do you start Bradford, or is Hill?
Starting point is 00:40:10 Well, Hill had no offensive touchdowns last week. But are they the poor man's potentially 2015 Broncos where it doesn't matter what their quarterback does, their defense is that good? It's possible. They're going to be in 14 of 16 games if they score two touchdowns. We're going to find out this week. I think I had the Packers by one and a half. I said two and a half. It's
Starting point is 00:40:27 three. I was closer. I win the week. Congratulations. This is big. If I win these early weeks and you're way checked out once NBA rolls around, that's it. You haven't won in like eight years. I know. I haven't won in a long time. So Minnesota's opening
Starting point is 00:40:42 a new stadium. This time we're right about. I think last year we had it wrong last year. And they're making a big deal about how technologically advanced it is. How many TVs there are
Starting point is 00:40:55 and how many things you can do with your cell phone at the game. It's like everyone's admitting now that going to a football game is actually really fucking boring. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:02 And that it's just a lot of dead time. And the more Wi-Fi you have, the better off you are. This is the first team that's really embraced that. It's so weird because football's not... You get on Wi-Fi during the game. It's like, I thought I was going to a football game. Compared to baseball, it's not nearly as boring.
Starting point is 00:41:16 But they would never do this in baseball because you get cracked in the head with a foul ball. Right. And that's it, right? Right. And baseball really is about just... You're there to eat and drink. That's true. And then guys are running around ball. Right. That's it. Right. Right. So. And baseball really is about just, you're there to eat and drink. That's true. And then guys are running around occasionally. Right. Football
Starting point is 00:41:29 is supposed to care about that. New commissioner of baseball right here. One of our writers, Pat, he did the L.A. doubleheader in the same day. Oh, wow. He claimed it was a thing. I'd never lived here 14 years. Yeah, yeah. Angels, Dodgers, same day. I think he made it a thing. Did you make it a thing? I'd never lived here 14 years. Yeah, yeah. Angels-Dodgers, same day. I think he made it a thing. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Did you make it a thing? It was San Diego and the Dodgers. Oh, San Diego? So that's like a Southern California doubleheader. Yeah. San Diego at noon, Dodgers at 7. Is it possible to do San Diego-Anaheim-Dodgers same day, three? I'll find out someday. Cut the Barker triple
Starting point is 00:42:01 crown? I'm not sure. Pat's got a mic. He's loud enough. Oh, Pat's got a mic. So you went to, which one did you go to first? I went to San Diego at noon. They played the Cubs and then I went to
Starting point is 00:42:11 the Dodgers Giants at seven. That's great. That's a good one. I don't know anybody who's done that. No, I did the North, when the Mets were
Starting point is 00:42:18 in the World Series against the Yankees, they played the Giants first. I went to that game and then took the Bart, is it called the Bart? Yeah. To Oakland and I still had my Met hat on and the Yankees. They played the Giants first. I went to that game and then took the BART, is it called the BART? To Oakland. And I still had my Met hat on and the Yankees were playing Oakland. And those fans
Starting point is 00:42:30 you know, they're not the most understanding fans in the world. And they assumed that because I had a Met hat on, I loved the Yankees, which couldn't be further from the truth. And they terrorized me the whole game and I'm just explaining myself for three and a half hours.
Starting point is 00:42:45 Before I went to a Pats game during their streak when they won 21 in a row, and then went to game four of the ALCS. Oh, nice. Yankees. Oh, that's... The comeback. That was pretty good.
Starting point is 00:42:57 Yeah, that's better. It was freezing cold, too. Pat, do you still have your mic? No, they took it away. They took your Pats mic? Give me my mic back. I got my mic back. Pat was supposed to be in Roast Battle.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Oh, really? It's a big topic of conversation. I got cut. You got cut because they wanted some name comics. Like Ralphie May. That wasn't even close. You need to gain like 600 pounds. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:43:22 It's only like 400, but thank you. Season 2, we got to get him on roast battle it's jeff ross the roast master's birthday today actually so it is yeah we should give him a shout out did you see his pop special or no i haven't he roasted the boston cops no i know i haven't i was afraid to watch it i haven't seen yet it's not dvr it's gonna be good it's gonna be good all right uh so wait, I have that one. Last one. Bears-Eagles is the last one. Monday Night Eagles at Bears.
Starting point is 00:43:48 Yeah. You said two and a half. I said four, and it's three and a half. And the Bears can go to hell. Do you believe in Carson Wentz or no? No, no, no. Not yet. Let's wait.
Starting point is 00:43:57 Pat hates the Eagles. Do you believe in Carson Wentz? No. Pat's from Philly, but hates the Eagles. Really? Yeah, my scouting report is he's an Eagle, so it won't end well. But don't Eagles fans hate the Eagles? Aren't they just showing up to boot against the other team?
Starting point is 00:44:11 Everyone hates the Eagles. There's nobody who actually likes the Eagles. Even the Eagles fans hate them. Do you want to bring our agent up here? Maybe we should, yeah. All right, come on, BabyDawg. Baby, can we get the chair for BabyDawg? Baby, look.
Starting point is 00:44:23 Oh, look at this. I'm ready for you. Wow. That's impressive. Thank you. This is exciting. This really is. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:36 I don't know if we've ever had him on the podcast. No, this is a big mistake. Not, not. Well, when I was, when you were at that other network, I sat in that little broom closet that used to do it. Oh, yeah, but you weren't on, though. Kind of, kind of, yeah. Sal, what are the three things you really want to say
Starting point is 00:44:58 to make baby uncomfortable right now? Uncomfortable? Yeah. This is, you thrive on this. I have to say, baby, I've been, you don't smell like smoke or cologne. Really? Yeah, it's astounding.
Starting point is 00:45:08 You know, maybe you're on to something because I was picked up at 4 a.m. for my flight out here. And I will admit, as you see, I have my hat on and I'm unshowered and unshaven. Good. And maybe there's something to not bathing. Yeah, don't bathe. I don't think I'll ever bathe again. We have a friend and client who also agrees with that theory.
Starting point is 00:45:32 But baby's about cigarettes and cologne and we visited him at Martha's Vineyard and he littered all over the beautiful island. One of the last litterers. Did I litter? He'll take bags of McDonald's in a rental car.
Starting point is 00:45:48 They don't have McDonald's in Martha's View. Did he really litter? I didn't know anyone littered anywhere. He'll throw bags of McDonald's out the window of a rental car to clean the rental car, which they clean anyway, rental cars. I got really reamed and yelled at by Tanya for my littering.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Tanya says, I don't think these people know. Well, you guys do. But my wife, who threw something out in our neighborhood recently. Yeah. And I'm going to have to really reconsider this whole littering thing. It wasn't a wedding ring, was it? No, it was not. What is happening right now?
Starting point is 00:46:26 Reconsider the littering. I've got now? Reconsidered a litterer. Serial litterer. It's unbelievable. Serial litterer. Jack Klugman. Baby sold his agency to WMD last year. And gobs of money. And some people say...
Starting point is 00:46:38 $55 million. $55 million. Yeah. It's not backflow if you can't tell. Sal has decided it was $55 million. It's an educated guess. I spoke with some people. I gauged your bracket.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Yeah, I mean, Sal made it his mission. It wasn't, this is more than an educated guess. This was, there was heavy research done. Right. Because he needed to know. Heavy Googling. Oh, he confronted Ari on several occasions.
Starting point is 00:47:13 So tell me who he represents. Yeah, he represents many millions of dollars. Jon Stewart, such a dick. Jon Stewart, Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Carolla. Do you count Carolla anymore? Sure.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Absolutely. Okay. Carson Daly. My client Adam just, I mean, he must be doing well. He just bought a Newman Porsche for close to $5 million. So Baby's got a lot at stake at the Emmys. I wanted to plug my cousin Jimmy Kimmel is hosting this Sunday on ABC. Yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:47:44 8 p.m. Yeah. We're also nominated for Outstanding Variety. We get a chance this year. We do, but you're rooting for John Oliver, aren't you? No. Yeah. No, that'd be better for you.
Starting point is 00:47:56 If Jimmy won an Emmy, that would be one of the happier moments of my life. Is that true? It really would. I'd be so happy for him. But it's also good if Oliver wins and the HBO cachet. I don't know. Being there from way back, to know the peaks and valleys
Starting point is 00:48:13 of the whole experience. Plus he would definitely cry. Jimmy would cry. I thought you were going to cry there. You don't think he'd root for Jimmy over... No, he's looking out for number one. He needs his HBO thing. You know, one thing I'll say about Baby
Starting point is 00:48:29 is when he sold his agency, people thought the guy's not going to work as hard. He's not going to be as available. And they were right. That is true. I think you were on vacation to Barthas Vidian for three months. I'm semi-retired at this point.
Starting point is 00:48:46 That's great. I always wanted a semi-retired agent at one of the most crucial professional times of my life. Of course I'm not. I've actually worked hard. Come on, Sal. You've got to give me that cross. When I was at Martha's Vineyard on a Tuesday, he worked about an hour and 20 minutes. And that was only because he took cigarette breaks during the meals.
Starting point is 00:49:05 His cigarette break is the work. Tell Bill who you saw up there in Martha's Vineyard. Amongst other people. Obama? Yeah, that was pretty cool. Yeah, I know. I don't think you had anything to do with it. Well, it was my club.
Starting point is 00:49:19 Oh, yeah, you did belong there. We allowed the president to golf at my country club. That was very sweet of you. We happened to be having lunch there when he was coming off the back nine. Did you do the thing that you do when you reintroduce yourself to people who don't remember me to you? And then get angry that they didn't remember you? Yes. You remember me.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Yeah, I do. Oh, you remember. We met seven years ago for ten seconds. Absolutely. You remember. I take deep personal offense with people. If I don't leave an indelible impression on people, I take it's their fault. Problem is he had littered all
Starting point is 00:49:58 over the green and it's like ten minutes to go. Real vomiting. Will you do your impression of Baby reintroducing himself to Oprah in Jimmy's dressing room? Yeah. Oprah was in Jimmy's dressing room. What did he say? Oprah, you remember me, right?
Starting point is 00:50:11 I told you how I went to Africa. And she's like, oh, where did you go? I don't know. It was really fucking expensive. Really expensive. Wherever I ended up, nothing but the best. And we saw all those animals. She's like, great. I'm getting out of here. Jimmy's trying all those animals. It was like, great.
Starting point is 00:50:25 I'm getting out of here. Jimmy's trying to cut in. Oh, yeah. Jimmy was mortified. It was great. What was the most mortified Jimmy's ever been by a baby with a guest? I think it was with Letterman, where he basically went through the same thing and was really upset that Letterman didn't remember him.
Starting point is 00:50:42 Really upset. Yeah, I really was. Like, it was going to take a swing. Really upset. Yeah, I really was. Like, I was going to take a swing at him. Yeah, I was pissed. I really got... I took great umbrage at that because I've known Dave since 1984.
Starting point is 00:50:55 It's like, wait, huh? Yeah. How is this possible? Umbrage. It's bullshit. I took great umbrage. It would be a good name for his book. What was the Sean Penn story?
Starting point is 00:51:06 That was the best one. Same thing. I went deeper because Sean Penn got mad at him. I went crazy. Didn't they get mad at each other? There's parts of it that we can't talk about because Baby was discussing their checkered past and how they met and everything.
Starting point is 00:51:21 Didn't Sean Penn tell you to go away at some point? No, the publicist did. He was like, get out. He doesn't know you. Please leave him alone. He was like, this is bullshit. You knew me. I was with, what's his name? Dennis Leary. We were driving around in the hills.
Starting point is 00:51:37 That was $55 million ago. What does it all matter at this point? Anything else we have to cover? That's it. Cousin Sal's shirt thing,
Starting point is 00:51:47 Friday, 9 a.m. Pacific on Facebook. I'm going to deliver winners this week. Try something different. So it's Friday what time? 9 a.m.
Starting point is 00:51:54 Pacific. And you can like the Facebook page, but you're also on Facebook. The irony of this whole thing is you're finally on Facebook.
Starting point is 00:52:00 I got on Facebook, yeah. You can see pictures of your kids now. I haven't done anything like that. Or other people's kids. Yeah, I guess.
Starting point is 00:52:05 Friends that you didn't totally want to keep in touch with. It's terrible. People at work. I'm just snooping and looking at what our friends' stupid wives say online. It's fun. That's my favorite thing about Facebook. I actually do like seeing my friends' kids. I really do.
Starting point is 00:52:22 I don't know what it is about it, but when else am I going to see them? I have friends that live in the south and the east. I'm never all of a sudden like, oh, wow, they're tall. You're past the time. I'm a pretty strange guy. I didn't mean like I'd like to see pictures of them. I'd like to see how they're getting older. I got you.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Prom pictures. So then you can follow that Cousin Sal short thing. Yes. And then Jimmy Kimmel Live all week and then the Emmys Sunday. The Emmys Sunday. I'll be checking in from the Emmys on Facebook, hopefully around 2 p.m. And how many people did Baby invite to
Starting point is 00:52:55 Jimmy's Emmys party? A lot. He used up all the seats and all the after party. How many people are you bringing? A lot. Over 10? Yes. Over 10? Yes. Over 10? These seats are hard to come by, as you can imagine.
Starting point is 00:53:10 It's not a tremendous... Yeah, it's like the after-after party. So he brings, just for the seats in the audience, he's like, you know, my daughter, and she's got a boyfriend, and he'd love to go to the Emmys. He's 6'5". You wouldn't believe it. What is his height?
Starting point is 00:53:22 We need to know his dimensions. Maybe he needs two seats, because he's so big. Oh, you'll love him. He's 6'5". You wouldn't believe it. What is his height? Maybe he needs two seats because he's so big. Oh, you'll love him. He's 6'5". I did say that. I don't know why, but I did say that. I get sent all the emails. Three daughters? Are all of them coming? No, just my
Starting point is 00:53:40 middle one. He actually had more kids just to bring to the event. I actually adopted three other kids to bring. Alright, and then check out the BS podcast coming back on Friday with a bunch of guests, actually. We have Brad Stevens, the Celtics
Starting point is 00:53:56 coach. Wow. Nice. One more mystery cast and then Joe House and I will make picks. Oh, good. Thanks to our audience. Yeah. And everybody, send Bill pictures of your kids. Thanks, Bill. Thanks, Bill. All right.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Back with the next podcast in a couple days. All right. Anytime y'all want to see me again, rewind this track right here. Close your eyes. The pitch will be rolling. Thanks to Sling TV, the best way to watch live TV on your turf, especially football and college football, for just $20 a month, stream more than 20 live channels, including ESPN.
Starting point is 00:54:34 And for an extra $5, you can also get the sports package. No installation, no extra gear, no annual contracts. Only an internet connection, and you're ready to go. Start watching for seven days free at sling.com slash Bill Simmons. Get Sling TV on your favorite device. Restrictions do apply. Do not forget to subscribe to The Ringer NFL show and all of the other great podcasts on the ringer.com podcast network. You can also do me a favor and write some stuff on iTunes on the BS Podcast page.
Starting point is 00:55:06 Write some comments, some thoughts, some reactions. Actually, look at those. Reach out. Write to me. Don't forget about my new HBO show any given Wednesday. This week we have an all-new episode with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Amy Trask, and Chris Carter. 10 p.m. Wednesdays, HBO. Re-airs on HBO and HBO2, and you can watch the replays on demand or on HBO Go or HBO Now. Also look for all the digital clips and all the digital extras we have there.
Starting point is 00:55:35 We'll be back later this week with another podcast. Some surprise guests on this Friday podcast. We have three guests crammed into Friday's podcast and you won't guess the three. I promise you. One of them is Joe House. You'll guess that one, but you won't guess the other ones. We'll see you later in the week. Thanks for listening.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.