The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 154: Friday Rollin' With Mike Lombardi, Joe House, and Mallory Rubin

Episode Date: December 16, 2016

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons leans on FS1's Mike Lombardi to discuss another rout of the Rams (6:00), Bengals-Steelers (10:00), Tom Brady's offensive balance (17:00), the Chiefs' need for turnovers (23:00), and Cowboys-Bucs (26:00). Then, Joe House joins to honor the late, great NBA reporter Craig Sager (33:00), offer up the best NFL picks for Week 15 (42:00), and discuss Chris Berman's betting record (45:00). Finally, The Ringer's Mallory Rubin hops on to give the definitive food delivery app breakdown (1:02:00) and explain why 'Star Wars' continues to be such a cultural phenomenon (1:06:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Buy and print official U.S. postage with your own computer and printer. Sign up for Stamps.com. Use promo code BS for a four-week trial plus a $110 bonus offer that includes postage and a digital scale. Click on the microphone at the top of Stamps.com's homepage and type in BS. And we are finally brought to you by TheRinger.com. Go there this week and find our best year in 2016 pieces. You can find Rogue One Week, all of our Star Wars pieces. We wrote a bunch of them, as well as the two NBA columns that I wrote

that went up yesterday about Boogie Cousins. I will not spoil them for you, but you should check them out. Two columns. I have another one coming next week, too. Fingers are starting to work again. Oh, and we have Ringer Swag. What's a better a better gift than ringer swag go to the ringer site right now ringer.com i'm sorry the ringer.com and uh and you could buy some ringer merchandise which would be awesome all right so here's the schedule for today we have mike lombardi coming on

to talk about all the things we have learned from week 14, the revelations about the Rams, the Patriots, the Giants, the Cowboys, a couple other teams. Then we have Joe Haas is going to come on. I want to talk about Craig Sager with him. And also we're going to do the Callaway Part 3. And then we're bringing Mallory Rubin on to talk about Star Wars and food apps. You heard me, food apps. You won't want to miss this one.

All right, let's go. On the line, our buddy Mike Lombardi from FS1 and Fox. You can see him on Sundays at 11 a.m. on the Fox NFL show and he breaks down the NFL every week for us. And this week is especially special for him because he's in California and it's been raining and it's been crappy weather. It's just like

Cleveland and Foxborough, right? Hilarious. I mean the people here, it's so funny. Everybody's dressed in boots. I saw Uggs out. I mean, it's like it's 50 degrees. Are you kidding me? I mean, Belichick wouldn't even think about this weather. It would be like he would be pissed off it wasn't bad enough,

and everybody's in a panic. I mean, it's like, you know, there's nothing that makes him happier than going out to practice and having to wet the balls, and he just sprays and hoses the balls down to make players practice against it. This wouldn't even be enough rain to do that. How great is the driving?

Can you believe how paralyzed LA drivers are by bad weather? You would think there was like a tsunami happening as they drive around. It's unbelievable. We went to see, my wife and I went over to see Jimmy Kimball to see Cousin Sal. We were seven miles from the place. It took us 45 minutes. Like, I don't understand. It's the best.

Like, I don't understand. It's the best. Like, I don't understand it. It's so crazy. So last night, Seattle beat the Rams. I actually stupidly picked the Rams in my pick pool. I thought they could get to 10 points, and I thought they could lose but cover. And it looked like it was happening. And then Goff took a huge hit and went in the concussion protocol. I haven't talked to you since they fired Jeff Fisher.

I know you've talked about that a million times. Is this the spot for McDaniels? Is Goff good enough? Would McDaniels just study Goff tape over the next couple months and be like, all right, if I do this, I believe in this guy. Do you think he would believe in Jared Goff? Well, I think this. I believe in this guy. Do you think he would believe in Jared Goff? Well, I think this. You're not going to beat Pete Carroll

with just hiring one guy. You're not going to take out the Taliban with one bomb. If the Rams don't build an organization, they're never going to be able to compete at the highest level. Bill Walsh said this in 1984, we're only competing against eight teams,

and that was when there was 28 teams in the league. And the Rams aren't one of the eight. I hate to break the news to everybody. So, like, Josh would be certainly interested. He wants to become a head coach, and he's going to be a really good head coach the next time. And having a quarterback would be ideal. But the organization, I mean, is Kevin Demoff picking the players? Who's running the team?

And, you know, when you've been burnt once in the NFL like Jim Harbaugh's been burnt or Josh has really was rendered ineffective in Denver because nobody in Denver bought the New England player philosophy right so when you hire a New England coach you better be willing to say I want to have the philosophy as well and it's very difficult I can't I can't imagine how this Ram season could have gone worse in year one in Los Angeles. There's no buzz at all for the team. They've been blown out now five straight games, which is almost impossible. It's really hard to lose five straight games by 20 points, and they did. And now you think there might be a second team coming.

We might get the Chargers next year. Nobody cares about this Rams team. The attendance is way down. The stadium will solve some of the issues because I'm sure it'll be this state-of-the-art palace. But stadiums don't solve everything. I mean, the Giants built a state-of-the-art palace. Nobody really likes it that much.

It puts a lot of pressure on the stadium. It puts a lot of pressure on what this coach hire is. It puts a lot of pressure on what kind of team they're building because 7-9, 6-10, 8-8, 5-11, that's not going to cut it. Nobody cares enough in L.A. And I really think Coward threw out the Harbaugh thing this week. I was in Weinberger's office this week when Fisher got fired. I think they need to go get a giant, giant

name as the coach just to steal some headlines here. I don't know what their other alternative is. I don't even think Josh McDaniels would do it. What do you think? I think, look, you're trying to win the press conference and that's great. And Jim Harbaugh, his name, I think there were some

reports out there, not from Calvert, but there were reactive reports about it. Jim Harbaugh is a scoring lover. I mean, he took a team to three conference championship games in San Francisco, won Super Bowl, and was fired, never got a contract extension. And there summarizes why most of these jobs aren't that attractive, okay? Because what happens is you have too many people involved. You have way too many people.

I mean, Kevin Demoff is going to be involved in football. He's not really a football person. And so you're going to come in there, and nobody's going to take over a team and then have to report to somebody else. Pete Carroll reports to Paul Allen. John Schneider and Pete Carroll work together. And if their Rams are willing to build an organization in that tenor, they'd have a chance to compete.

But I don't think they are, because everybody's in job protection mode. Nobody wants to hire a guy who's going to come in and threaten your own existence. So it's a challenge. And I think, look, Harbaugh would be great, but he's scorned. He went to Michigan because he was tired of people telling him what he had to do. Nick Saban left Miami because he couldn't sign Drew Brees. And now in Alabama, he can sign whomever he wants to sign. So pro football has a lot of people in the auxiliary that want to say,

the analytical people, the salary. Everybody has a say. And who sits next to the owner on Sunday could be the most influential person, and that could be controlling your future. And most coaches that have this kind of magnitude don't want to do it well i think la football is off to a terrible start and it's going to be worse next year if the chargers end up moving here and i don't know if that would happen next year it's going to be worse next year because the rams need a the rams need a detox i mean the rams the character i mean look it's so funny when last night on television, they're talking about how much the Rams players love Jeff Fisher.

Well, the Texas players love Charlie Strong, too. This isn't love. Like, this isn't a love business. You know, we're not on Love Boat. This is a business of you've got to do what's right. I mean, you know, we're not pouring cocktails at 4 in the afternoon here. You know? Like, we don't have volleyball on the deck.

You know, it's like not everybody's happy. I don't care who's happy. I want to win. And the only way you win is you demand things, and you have to push people to the limits. And if they think they're doing just good enough, they're going to just do less. You've got to get everybody at the highest level, and I think the Rams don't even understand it.

You know, it's the greatest Uncle Junior line ever. Some people are so far out of the race, they actually think they're winning. And that is the Rams. You know, it's the greatest Uncle Junior line ever. Some people are so far out of the race, they actually think they're winning. Right. And that is the Rams. I can't believe how bad our bottom four football teams are. Cleveland, San Francisco, the Rams, and Jacksonville. Those four teams are terrible. Jacksonville can at least hang in games and give the illusion that they might pull off an upset for about a quarter and a half,

and then they'll screw up. But, but man those are four of the most I can't remember having four more incompetent teams at the same time in in years Jacksonville just laid lie to themselves they think Blake Bortles is going to be a good player they sign all these hire free agents and you know they don't get the same level of play out of them and it's you know people look at the Jacksonville job and see that talent there, and they say, you know, it's going to be a good job. And maybe it will be. But right now, there's a lot of people in the Jacksonville organization that run that

team. It isn't just one person. And look, and I've said this numerous times, the NFL is a paramilitary organization. It's got to start from the top down. It's got to be a head coach-driven organization. It's got to start from the top down. It's got to be a head coach driven organization. The head coach has got to be able to control the player's job security. And if he doesn't do that, if you're able to not have those decisions, then I think you're going to have chaos. Well, it's week 15. Let's talk about the important stuff, which is who's quitting and not quitting on their coaches. It looks like that, and maybe not even the coaches,

just who's losing hope, who's in the point of their season now, or where, you know, I look at a team like Cincinnati, their season's over. So this weekend is their Super Bowl against Pittsburgh. But then you go the other way, you look at like the Chargers, their season's just over and it's a disaster. And maybe they just pack it in. What is there one or two teams that you feel like have just reached

the pack it in point of the season? You know, I think the Rams have packed it in. I know they talked about how much they love Jeff, but to me, they've had to pack in for a long, long time. I haven't seen them play with a level. The Bears, I don't think, have packed it in. I think Matt Barkley has a level. And, like, the Bears I don't think have packed it in. I think Matt Barkley has played well. Yeah, I agree.

Jacksonville hasn't packed it in. They play hard even though they know their coach is going to get fired. You know, and so other than San Francisco, they're up 14-0. They play hard, too. I think here's what happens this time of the year, Bill, is the teams that know they have no chance will come out and compete and play hard. And then once they realize they have no chance to win the game,

then they give it up. Then it's like, okay, after the third quarter, all right, it's over. You can have it now. It's all yours. What about the salvage the season with a feel-good win group like the Bengals? Yeah, well, I think if you think your coach is going to be there, you do it. You have to be able to convince the players, like San Diego, for example. I think they'll play the Raiders tough for a couple quarters to see,

and if they're in the game in the third quarter, they'll probably finish it. They'll try to play hard all the way through. But if the Raiders jump up on them 14-21-0, I think sometimes it's hard. If I'm not playing for this guy, if there's going to be a turnover, then no mas. Then they go into the Roberto Duran mode and just say, okay, that's enough. We'll wait until next week.

Where do the Bills fit in this conversation? Well, it's interesting because the Bills have, you know, Rex has a dispute with the front office. The front office has a dispute. You know, the reports come out. You know, I'm sure someone from the front office leaked it that he's going to get fired. If he loses to Cleveland, I'm sure he will get fired this week. There's not a lot of love between the front office leaked it that he's going to get fired. If he loses to Cleveland, I'm sure he will get fired this week. There's not a lot of love between the front office and Rex.

So my sense of it is the Bills have played hard for him. They've run the football effectively. They're just not an explosive team in terms of the passing game. And I think the GM hung Tyrod Taylor out. Like, there's really no need. This is a perfect example of you're better to be seen, not heard. The general manager in Buffalo, Doug Whaley, he needs to just be quiet and not

talk about players' futures with three games or four games to go in the season. Nobody wants to hear about that. Nobody cares. Quick questions. Is the drop-off from Ryan Tannehill to Matt Moore that dramatic? I heard you talk about that with Sal on Monday,

and I would say yes in the sense that people are going to dare Matt Moore to throw it outside the numbers. They're going to dare him to throw it. Now, they've got enough skill in Miami to do it. It's really going to come down to their run game and their ability, and Matt Moore can't go in there and lose the game. They've got to manage the game correctly. It's going to be a challenge for Miami.

They're going to have to run the ball against the Jets, manage it, run some play action, give him some safe throws, and hope that they can turn the ball over with their defense and play on a short field. A lot of the times when you're playing a backup quarterback, field position is the most important indicator. Most of these backup quarterbacks can

drive 40 yards. They just can't go 70. Because there's a roadmap to them getting to 11-5. At the Jets this week, at Buffalo the next week, when Rex might be fired. If he loses to the Browns at home this week, he's done. And then New England week 17.

What's the over-the-under on how many Miami players are near the heaters in Buffalo when they're up there? I mean, 35? That looks good on paper that they could go in there and win, but are they going to really meet the challenge? Mental toughness matters now. How mentally tough are you?

You know, can you go handle the cold and the elements and still play your best football? I think Miami has yet to prove that to me, especially they go into Baltimore and they just piss down their leg. Okay, the three, the two revelations from last week that had been brewing for a while and then we saw them manifest themselves. One, the Patriots' offensive line, and you tweeted about this on Monday night

and I agreed with you and my dad wholeheartedly agrees with you. My dad loves when you come on, by the way. The offensive line just looks good. I mean, this was a real problem last year and it was the biggest reason that the Patriots lost to Denver. I think they've had the same five starters in every game. Absolutely, yeah. Well, I mean, Shaq Mason might have missed a couple early games, you know.

Right. And he's playing at a Pro Bowl level. I mean, this Shaq Mason, this kid that we drafted in the fourth round from Georgia Tech who wasn't even invited to the Comb combine, is really, really a fabulous football player. When he pulls and he goes and blocks in space, he knocks people down. And they figured out where to put Marcus Cannon. Right. So here's my question about Revelation No. 1.

Is the Ravens' front seven secretly much worse than we thought, or is this Pat's offensive line better than we thought? Because I thought when Brady has that kind of time, the Patriots are effectively unstoppable. Great question, and I think the only way to answer that is go back and watch this Baltimore defensive front against the Cowboys and compare an apple to an apple. And I think if you looked at that, they gave the Cowboys some trouble. The Cowboys eventually wore them down.

So to answer your question, this isn't the best Baltimore defensive line ever. Jernigan's a really good player. Brandon Williams is very effective against the run, and Suggs is a good player. But for the most part, I would say their depth and their ability to withstand, and if you can make them play more than 25, 26 minutes, because Baltimore's third down offense is so bad that I think you can wear them down, which is what

Dallas did and which New England did. But New England and Dallas are the two teams that have blocked them the most effectively, and they're the reasons why they scored points on them. And look, say whatever you want about them, they've never put 500 yards of offense on a Baltimore Ravens defense ever and 400 in the passing game. Right.

And I was gloom and doom post-Gronk. I really was. I just feel like it's so hard to win a Super Bowl when you lose one of the three best players on the team. But if the offensive line is going to block like this, when you look at why the Patriots have lost in the playoffs over and over again, it's because Brady doesn't have time to do stuff. And the teams that can pressure him and hit him and make him uncomfortable and make him make mistakes and just kind of bother him for three hours are the teams that beat the Patriots in the playoffs. And if they're going to be able to block, I think they could just outscore everybody.

I don't think the defense is that good, but I think he's going to be able to block. I think they could just outscore everybody. I don't think the defense is that good, but I think he's going to be able to move the ball and get points. So this week against Denver is going to be the test. If they can block Denver and they can handle Von Miller and they can go in there and give Brady time to do stuff, I'm going to feel really optimistic and confident after that game. I mean, that's not the wrong instinct, right? No, I think that's true. And I think all the things you said is very true.

I think having Marty Bennett is really a difference maker, too. Because when you lose Gronk, you still need somebody who can threaten the run game and threaten the passing game without having to substitute to get to both. And I think that's what he can do. And he made himself known in the field. And he's to play because of the ankle injury in the last few weeks. It hasn't been up to the level last week. I thought he played back to what he was like early in the season. So that helps. And look, what Brady wants more than anything is balance. He needs run-pass ratio to be balanced. And why is that? Because

the recipe to beat the Patriots is to play zone and let four guys rush to pass and create problem. Well, if you're playing a lot of zone against them and you're trying to play cover two, if you can't run the ball against it, last year Denver stuck their tongues out at us and said, you know what, we're going to line up a nickel. We don't care if you go to short yardage, we'll be a nickel. And you can't run the ball on us. And now you can't take that approach against New England. New England will run it down your throat, and it'll take – Brady doesn't have to, on third and two, have to run a trick play. Like the play last year that drove me insane, and Josh McDaniels and Bill

and all of us agreed, the trick play on fourth and one, having to run one of those and we didn't get it, but when they had it down in the red zone. When you have to run a Dickham play to get a first down, you're not very good. You're not. You just can't. And so you have to avoid that because when it comes to playoff time,

the third and ones, the third and twos, those short yardage plays are the difference between advancing and not. I was super encouraged by that Ravens game. I thought they dominated them. And you have those two straight special teams miscues is the only reason that game wasn't a 40 to 10 type of game. I just thought I was shocked. I really thought the Ravens were going to play them better. I mean, as always, it turned out to be a one score game because there's no other way when those two teams play each other.

But I really thought they handled them. And I was surprised by the blocking more than everything. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but I feel optimistic. All right, revelation number two. The Giants' defense was spectacular on Sunday night. Was it spectacular because it's a great defense, or was it spectacular because the league has figured out Dak a little bit? No, I think it's been spectacular.

I think if you go watch the Baltimore tape, they've played really well. I think the Giants' defense is getting a lot of publicity and well-deserved. I think the Lions defense is one of those unsung defenses that nobody's talking about. The last six weeks, the Lions defense has played magnificently, much like the Giants defense has. They've played really well, and they've been able to limit the big plays. I mean, the Lions defense has only given up seven plays in the last six weeks of over 25 yards. They've played really well. And I think when you critique Dak, you say, well, Dak didn't play

well against the Giants. True. But Ben Roethlisberger struggled to put points on the board, too. I mean, he had to make a couple plays. It wasn't easy. And I think the Giants are winning with their defense. I mean, when you score 10 points and win, it's all defense. Let's face it. And I think the Giants are really a good defense, and I think their coverage ability, and they understand what Spagnuolo's trying to do. They've had enough time in the system. They get it.

I just think the Giants' offense is going to be the liability for them. Eli. I can't take it. I can't take it anymore. I just can't. It kills me. It ruins can't. It kills me. It ruins my soul. It's not, Eli.

They're trying to run the clock out at the end of the Cowboy game, and he's got one back in the backfield. Get two backs in there and try to get a lead blocker in there. Everybody knows what you're going to run. Eli has three turnovers. They drop three more picks. The only play he makes is an eight-yard pass to Odell that Odell takes for 61 yards, and Eli gets the W.

I can't take it, Lombardi. Barry Church takes a bad angle. Look, I think that game came down to two players. It came down to Dez and it came down to Odell. Odell made the one play. Dez couldn't make a play. They had Dez frustrated the whole night. And if your best player, if your number one receiver,

isn't going to act like a number one receiver in a key game, you're probably not going to win. Can I just go over the quarterbacks that the Lions have played since week three? You sure can. They played the Bears. I don't even remember who started that game, but I promise you the guy wasn't good. Carson Wentz.

Case Keenum. Kirk Cousins. Brock Osweiler. Who was the Vikings quarterback in week nine? I guess that was Sam Bradford. Blake Bortles. Sam Bradford again? No.

Yeah, he was Sam Bradford again. Drew Brees. That was a good one. Matt Barkley. And now Eli this week. So I can't tell if the Lions defense is actually good or if it's a little like what happened with the Patriots where they just had this run of going against just about every quarterback you would have wanted to go against and then all of a sudden Russell Wilson on Sunday night lights them up. I think you talked about it last week. Health really matters.

I mean, I think they're healthy. They're finally a little healthier. They might get Levy back this week. He's practiced. The Lions defense has played really well. Their corner situation has improved. They're getting better coverage from their corners. I do agree.

Look, they haven't played great. But the win, to me, the signature was the win in New Orleans. New Orleans could put up points on most any team, and they struggled to move the ball, just like they struggled to move the ball against Tampa. So for me, I'm saying the Lions defense is playing really well. And if the weather's going to be bad in the East, like it's typically predicted to be this weekend,

I think this will be a defensive struggle between two good defenses, the Lions and the Giants. Two more games I wanted to ask you about. Chiefs-Titans? Well, look, the Chiefs are only favored by like six, which doesn't make sense for me, to me, for a team

that is probably the odds-on pick to play the Patriots in round three. Why doesn't Vegas believe in this Chiefs team totally yet? Because the Chiefs team always needs turnovers. Now, they didn't get them against the Raiders, but they need turnovers to gain those extra possessions because really when you break the Chiefs defense down, you can move the ball on them.

They make a couple plays here and there, and they turn the ball over as their signature. And think that when you look at them their offense none of the numbers back up them having that many wins but they're as i've said many times before they're not a hard team to play they're a hard team to beat and that's why the chiefs are difficult now this matchup to me favors the chiefs because the chiefs the because the Tennessee secondary is not very good. And I think even Denver moved the ball. They had over 300 yards, and they were throwing the ball. They just couldn't get the ball in the end zone.

Kubiak decided to not kick. He made some mistakes, I thought, in that game and didn't take the points when he should have. So they moved the ball on the Tennessee defense. I think Kansas City will move the ball. I think going into Kansas City is going to be a tough challenge. Kansas City will play the run better, and they'll force Mariota to have to make some plays. And can these receivers for Tennessee get open? I don't think so. I think Kansas City is a much better team than Tennessee, and I think Tennessee's a great story. I think

Tennessee's done a great job with what they have. Steelers-Bengals, we both agree that the Bengals, this is their Super Bowl, and that the Steelers should not be sleeping on this game, correct? Correct. And, you know, the funny thing is we talk about the Bengals being an undisciplined team and not being – look, they're the least penalized team in the NFL this year. You know, it's really remarkable. And where the Bengals have failed miserably is offensively. Their defense has been just average, but where they they failed miserably is their inability to convert their downs

in the red zone, and then they drop too many passes. So it's a double-edged sword. They can't convert, and they can't stay on the field, and they can't score. And then, oh, by the way, their field goal kicker's missed six extra points and he's 5'11", outside of 40 yards. If you want to know why the Bengals season is bad, it sums up in two words. Their field goal team, their extra

point team, and their third down defense in the red zone. Third down offense in the red zone. Yeah, I would say the Bengals and the Cardinals have been the two sloppiest decent teams this year. Just sloppy. Just sloppy work the whole season. Cowboys-Bucks is the last one I want to ask you about.

Tampa going to Dallas. Looks like a good matchup on Dallas on paper. Everybody's down on them a little. They've got to have the rebound game. They're going to be able to run the ball. Tampa's not that good against the run. And yet, I'm just so impressed by Tampa. They remind me a little bit of the 0-1 Pats in you know, they just are young and they have no fear. And they really believe in Winston.

They believe in the guy, and the guy is a born leader. And everything I read and watch and all the behind-the-scenes stuff, it just seems like they're really inspired by the guy, and they believe they can beat anybody. I think it's a dangerous team all of a sudden. What do you think? You know, it's funny. I think they're fascinating because you could put together a reel of interceptions that Winston hasn't thrown,

that the other team has dropped. And he's like Phil Mickelson. He's remarkable in the sense that no matter how bad he looks or what a bad shot he makes, he bounces back the next play and it's like he has amnesia and just goes on about his business. It's truly remarkable. He never squeezes the ball tight after he makes a mistake. You feel no nerves in this player. That's the way he played at Florida State, and that's the way he's playing here. And the team rallies around it. I think the challenge for the Cowboys is, look, to beat the Bucs, you have to spread the field horizontally.

You've got to create lanes. It's like playing a basketball team. You've got to spread and space the court. And I think if they can do that and back and throw the short passing game and run with it after the catch, these linebackers are fast. They run to the ball. They tackle well. The windows are going to be tight, but you've got to be able to take the profits

and try to be consistent and run the football. And you've got to hold the ball 32, 33 minutes against them because the Bucs can look really bad on one series, and they can look really good on the football. And you've got to hold the ball 32, 33 minutes against them because the Bucs can look really bad on one series and they can look really good on the next. And so you've got to be able to maximize that. The more chances the Bucs get offensively to look good, they'll play better. But they need a lot of chances.

If you can limit their possessions down to nine, you'll have a chance to beat them. If somebody came to you right now and said, you have to make the right decision on Dak and Romo for the rest of the way. And if it doesn't work, we're taking everything you own. We're taking your house. We're taking,

your wife is leaving. You're just going to be in a shack by yourself. My two dogs, two dogs. You lose both dogs. You have to make the right decision right now. Who do you believe in? Who would you pick?

I said this on my podcast. I believe that Romo's Kaiser Sosa. We just don't know who he is. We just don't know who he is. Nobody's watched him practice. Nobody's seen him move around. And there's no guarantee he can take a hit. There's no guarantee he can withstand the pressure.

The speed of the game is completely different on Sunday than it is Wednesday and Thursday in practice. I'm staying with Dax. I rode this horse. He's won 11 games for me. I've got to get more out of Des Bryant. I've got to get more out of Jason Witt. I know Jason's declining as a player, but I've got to pump his tires up. I've got to get more out of him.

I've got to get more out of Cole Beasley. And I've got to be able to strategize a way to win games by pacing the game and keep my defense off the field, go back to it. And I've got to be able to strategize a way to win games by pacing the game and keep my defense off the field, go back to, and I've got to fix third down. I've got to find a way to have my best third down on Sunday night because I've got to convert third downs. I can't keep going two for 20 on third down. I brought this up to Sal on Monday's podcast. Brady hit a hiccup like this in 2001 where he sucked against Cleveland,

and then the next week I think we won like like 12 to 10 and he had a pick six. And it was right during the height of Brady versus Bledsoe. Bledsoe was back. He was ready to play. Brady looked bad. I think Brady's last five games, he had two touchdowns, five picks. And you guys, you're working for the Raiders at that point. You're playing the Patriots in Foxborough in round two.

Do you remember 15? I know it's been 15 years, but do you remember how you felt about Brady, how the staff felt about him going into that game? Because it's a little similar to what we're seeing with Dak now. You know, we were worried about Brady because Brady was, like, Brady had this Jameis Winston ability to kind of find a way, you could just see his competitive fiber. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't always pretty. But he had this competitive fiber to make plays and they could run the i think it was antoine smith running the football and they they were a balanced team and

they were kind of you looked at them and you didn't really they weren't any household names but you knew they were like the chiefs in the sense that they did they weren't hard to play they were hard to beat and that proved to be right. We had Troy Brown, who was excellent. We had David Patton. We had... Nobody knew who David Patton was. It was unbelievable. He was like a fourth receiver who became a number two receiver.

We had Jermaine Wiggins, who was out of the league the next year, and Antoine Smith, who was three and a half yards and fall down. And the offensive line was just a mixture. Matt Light was the best. It was the left tackle. I mean, it was just a mixture of guys. And, you know, look, that game, there's so many opportunities in the game that the game should have never

came down to the A, the talk, or B, the field goal. But it did. And, you know, but winning is contagious. That's why these analytical people are way wrong in the sense that we're going to lose because it's hard to teach winning. It's hard to teach winning. And like what Tampa's doing, this winning that Tampa's getting is contagious,

and it feeds off of it, and it creates an environment, and people understand it. And that's how you build organizations. I agree. And teams can get it for one year or two years, and then all of a sudden it goes away and you're Arizona wondering why Carson Palmer is throwing off his back foot and why you're getting holding penalties. Or you could be like Baltimore. You go into New England and try to throw it 52 times. Like, really? That's what you're going to do? You're going to go into New England and tell Joe Flacco to have the ball

in his hands 52 times? Yeah, that was't great. This is the recipe to win? I don't think so. For my dad's happiness and welfare, could you just go for, before we go, for like 22 seconds on why you think Michael Floyd could be a sneaky good pickup for the Patriots? I think it's a really good pickup because, first of all, he gives them an outside receiver. Now, he'll learn the outside, which will allow us to put Hogan in the slot. Hogan can go inside and play, take a little heat off Edelman, plus keep Mitchell on the outside.

So it gives them more versatility in terms of they needed the other receiver. Remember, on Monday night, Matthew Slater was the fourth receiver. And, oh, by the way, he forgot his helmet. Love Matthew to death. But he's so used to not playing receiver, he didn't know where his helmet was. It gives them more options. And then eventually when Amendola comes back, it'll help. They've got to get him mentally right.

They've got to make sure his problems are behind him, and I think in the culture they're in, I think he can really help them. I think it was a gift from the sky. Bill Walsh said this to me a long time ago. When everybody's thinking alike, no one's thinking. I think there are all those teams not to claim him. Nobody was thinking. I was shocked because I was like, oh, this guy's a head case.

He's had some real issues. And then I went and I Googled the Arizona Cardinals and the Arizona Republic stories. He was really popular in their locker room. Like Carson Palmer, Fitzgerald, they went out of their way to say great stuff. They were calling him their brother, great teammate. I thought that was really telling. All the calls that they made from New England about him were positive.

Going back to college, smart kid. He works hard. It's a mistake. I'm not advocating that he does it, but I think he deserves a second chance. I mean, look, we know there's a player on the Kansas City Chiefs that's gotten a second chance that I think should have been suspended to start the season. Yeah.

All right. Well, I thought it was good because basically now the trade is Chandler Jones for Joe Thune, Malcolm Mitchell, and Michael Floyd. I think you make that trade every time. When you're Chandler Jones, that's a good one. Mike Lombardi, plug your podcast. Yep. It's Make Me Smarter Podcast.

You can find it on all the platforms. And this week we talked about the Cowboys and we talked about Jeff Fisher and we talked about Andrew Luck and his ability to throw interceptions and not win. So all that stuff there. All right. Thanks, as always. Talk to you next week. See you Saturday. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.

All right, bye-bye. Hey, let's take a quick break to talk about Capital One. Capital One knows that you have got questions about your credit. You may be asking, who's really in charge of my credit score. I actually wonder that a lot, actually. I also wonder how does my credit actually work? I have no idea. Well, that's why Capital One created the CreditWise app. You can check your credit score anytime you want right in the app. And it's free to everybody, Capital One customer or not. In fact, millions of CreditWise users have improved their scores by 20 points or more.

So download the app for free today. Available, it depends on presence of credit history from TransUnion. CreditWise is offered by Capital One Bank, USA, and Dot A Dot. That is Capital One Credit Wise app. All right, we have Joe House on the line. But first, we launched this podcast 14 months ago. MeUndies sponsored the first one. They sent me a big box of comfortable underwear, and I've been wearing them ever since.

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Again, 20% off plus free shipping at meundies.com slash BS on your first order. All right, House, how are you? Fantastic. It's freezing cold here on the East Coast. I don't want to hear how the temperature is out on the West Coast. It's cold and rainy, and it's sad, and yesterday was sad. Let's talk about Craig Sager quickly. Yeah.

Did not expect that one. And, you know, he's been sick for a while, and he's been battling, and I knew he wasn't doing that great, but it came out of nowhere. It was a body blow. I just never knew that he was in that bad shape. And I was surprised by, by, uh, by just how shocked I was that somebody who had been battling cancer for three years, couldn't beat it. And I think that's part of the legacy of Sager, which is the dude was such a fighter. Like I was surprised that cancer beat him. Cancer beats everybody. And,

and in this case I was like, Oh my God, he, he, he died. Like he didn't, I just kept assuming he was going to keep fighting and fighting. But you know, I think that's, that's part of his legacy. I can't remember a public figure fighting harder than that guy did to live. And I think that's what a lot of people were saying last night. I thought the TNT guys were great. I just thought he was a real inspiration the last couple of years. How did you feel when you heard? Yeah, I actually had gone through the mental preparation. I thought not to do any kind of cross-branding plug, but HBO Real Sports, Bernie Goldberg,

did a story on Craig. Yeah, I linked to it last night. That was pretty telling in terms of exactly how strenuous the fight was and the toll it was taking on Craig. So I had kind of prepared myself. It wasn't quite a body blow for me. I thought Steve Kerr did the best job of anybody, and not that we're ranking the eulogies or the memorials or the testaments. But I loved Kerr's encouragement of everybody to applaud the standing O for SEGS as a way of celebrating a life well lived yeah and a life that seemed to yeah and a life that really seemed to positively affect everybody whose path he crossed and i you know for the most part i i'm not a huge fan of the sideline reporter job i think when it's done well it's helpful i think a lot of people don't do it that well and it's hard to ask the right questions and things like that he really carved out a great niche with that job and you know the

the suits and the things like that were were stuff that got him attention and became kind of part of a shtick for lack of a better word but he had the respect of those guys and i thought it was interesting to hear a lot of them last night talk about like when they saw him at the game, their goal is to, you know, be the one that got interviewed by him after the game. I don't think anybody else really in any sport has gotten to that point as a sideline reporter where the, where the athletes see you and they're like, my goal today is to be interviewed by him afterwards, which I thought I just hadn't put a lot of thought into it. But,

uh, you know, so that was one take. And then the other, the other take I thought was a lot of people mentioned about how the NBA is a family and, um, you felt it last night,

you know? And I think the difference between the NBA and the other sports, and this is something that Adam Silver has been really good at the nba cares program how they look out for these guys a lot of the stuff they do and the people that are in the league that have been in there for a long time like the turner guys have been together almost 20 years you know um but i think there's there's definitely more of a familial sense with the NBA than the other leagues, and I definitely felt that last night. Didn't you?

Yeah. Yeah, of course. And, you know, that makes sense because the NBA, you know, with the rosters only being 15 guys, they have the ability to really be a fraternity. And to the credit of, you know, the folks that run the league and all of the players, they all take that responsibility seriously, right? There is now a palpable, a recognizable effort by folks to mentor young players. You know, there's been a recognition, it feels like, between a generation ago

of how important it is for guys coming in without a lot of college experience, needing some mentorship, some guidance. And you see the guys who are just now retiring or have retired taking that responsibility seriously. And that is indeed exactly that kind of family atmosphere you're talking about. And SEGS was a crucial part of that family. And so, you know, that theme definitely resonated. Yeah, and even you think like they just banged out the CBA over the last couple months and they got it done. And I didn't even think about doing anything on a podcast about it

or writing about anything because I had the confidence. Everybody's making money. Everybody's doing well. The personality of the league is in really good shape. I think it took them, man, 25 years to get to the point that they've gotten to with how guys handle their business on and off the court. Think about the mid-'90s, some of the games we were going to, the way guys carried themselves on the court, the lack of professionalism.

Well, that's the mentorship I'm talking about, too. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. It's two decades of it, and it's really starting to pay off. And I think the older guys look out for the younger guys. You think, like, with social media, it should be going wrong in so many different ways. In all sports, like, you're asking, you're giving these guys an instant platform to say and do and type and type and whatever they want.

And in the NBA, for the most part, it's, I think, been really good for the league. I mean, yeah, mostly. The penis still slips out. You still have some dick slips. Yeah, you're going to have some dick slips. But man, if I had said to you 10 years ago, there's this thing coming called social media and here's what it's going to look like and here are all the bad outcomes for it. Wouldn't you have guessed we would have had like a dick pic every week? And we would have had guys firing at reporters and guys firing at other players? I don't know. I've been impressed. I think the league is, for lack of a better word, mature. And it certainly was not the case 10 years ago. One million percent wasn't the case 20 years ago in the too much, too soon, too fast era.

The Sager stuff yesterday made me think all that stuff. The league's just in a good place, and it's very well run, and it's got the owners that they have when you compare it to the nfl a lot of guys who who are a little forward thinking who made their money in more modern ways for the most part i think 17 of the nba owners got their money from tech or new media or new industry or something like mark you know like cuban Vivek guys like that. Whereas the NFL is like old money, old way of doing things. My dad gave me the team and you could feel the effects with how that league is running

and the public perception of them. So anyway, uh, all this, the Sager made me think all that stuff, but it was a sad day and it really, uh, it re it really hit home that, for me at least, that the NBA sometimes really does feel like a giant family. Anyway, let's talk about football. Every week, you and I do the Callaway Par 3, and I really hope people have been going against us the last couple weeks. What's weird is I'm in the Super Contest, which you were in as well,

and I've been crushing it. I was 16 and 28 at one point in the last five weeks i'm 19 five and one i've been destroying it not so coincidentally as soon as i had a little more a little more time on my hands my super contest picks got a lot better but uh but for some reason it has not translated the calloway par three i would love to flip that trend this week. You're raising a great point. I actually had taken some notes that I wanted to mention to you. Have you been tracking, and this isn't to give you an opportunity to talk about ESPN in any way, shape, or form.

Have you been tracking Chris Berman's weekly picks this season? Isn't he doing, like, crazy well? The Swami, as we sit here right now, this very second, is 46-23-1 against the spread this season. Guess what that would put him, what place that would put him in in the Super Contest right now at this moment? What would it put him?

Tied for first place. He doesn't need more money, but I think, you know, first place is worth like a million three or something, a million five this year. Oh my God. Are you sure he's picking against the spread?

Yes. He's 46 and 23? They go up every week. He does you know, picks against the spread. I hit refresh frantically before I get on this phone call with you just to see what the Swami's picking.

What an end of the year for Berman. Wow. The year of the Berman. He loses Tom Jackson. It looks like his ESPN, this is the last year, and now he's 46-23 against the spread. And on Monday nights, he literally has whoever he wants on the Monday night show. It's like, oh, here I am with Ray Nitschke.

He's been dead for 10 years, but we've propped his corpse up. And he's my co-host today because I'm Chris Berman. It's great. It's been wonderful. I've loved it. I'm pro-Berman. The guy was amazing in the 80s. I'm going to miss him.

I still enjoy watching the Blitz. I like when he does his shtick. I don't know. I'm going to miss him. Who's going to host the Blitz next year? It's not going to be as good. I hate to break it to everybody. It's not going to be as fun.

It's not going to be as fun. Berman's just entertaining for a variety of reasons. All you can say is this man is going out on top. So we have to make picks. Why don't you make your pick first, and then I'll make my pick, and then we'll agree on a collective pick. I actually think we're going to go 3-0 this week

because I like the slate again this week. I like the slate as well, although obviously very gun-shy because I've been terrible and encouraging people to go against me. You're awful. You're so horrible. I get emails about how bad you are from people in our lives.

I'm fine with that. I don't care. I mean, look, the guy that ESPN hired to replace the Cuz on their weekly little picks business, Rufus Peabody, predictive analytics expert, that homie's 21 and 30 at a robust 41% with his best bets this season. So I'm okay with where I'm at. Rufus Peabody?

That's a real person? Regular Joe dude on a podcast. I'll own my space. I am picking, having said all of that, New England Patriots this week, minus three. Minus three, okay.

I love that Pat week minus three. Minus three, okay. I love the Pats at three, and that's what I see across the board. I have three and a half for the Pats. I don't know where you're seeing three except in your dreams. Hold on a second. Hold on one cotton-picking second. Hold on right now. Find me a website that has them at three, and I would love to sign up for that website and bet money on it

because it's been three and bet money on it. Because it's been three and a half all week. You always do this. The line spreads somehow always benefit you. Hold on a second. Just take them at three and a half. I will take them at three and a half. I just don't like my integrity being questioned in this way.

I've done questioning integrity. Open at three, still at three. Scoresandodds.com. That's an aggregator of odds and movements across this way. I'm not questioning integrity. Open at three, still at three. Scoresandodds.com. That's an aggregator of odds and movements across the way. Scoresandodds.com is three on there. Tate, do you think the Pats line should be three or three and a half? Three. All right.

I'll give you Pats by three. Tate gives you Pats by three, so there you go. That's good. Give him something. I really like this spot for the Pats. Yeah, give me something, Tater. I love it. I like this spot for the Pats because they showed that they could block.

Lombardi and I talked about this. And I think they're going to be able to block Denver's front seven. And I don't think Denver's going to be able to put up 30 points on them. So I'm with you on that one. I agree. All right. Yeah, that's good. We don't have to talk about it much more other than the fact that Trevor Simeon sucked.

334 yards and 10 points last week after I picked Denver at Tennessee. Congratulations, you suck. I'm going a little contrarian with my pick. Okay. I love division games where it's the second time they've played. Oh. I love rivalry games. I know where you're going with this one.

I love the week 15 or week 16 spot when the team that thought they were going to make the playoffs and didn't and is now basically playing for pride and that's it has the Super Bowl game that they can at least point to and say our season sucked, but hey, at least we won that game in week 15, week 16. I like the way the Cincinnati Bengals have been playing the last couple weeks. I knew it.

I do not like the way the Pittsburgh Steelers have been playing. And I thought they were super sloppy last week. They're relying on Le'Veon Bell to his superhuman degree. He had, I think, like 270 yards from scrimmage or something last week. I think they 270 yards from scrimmage or something last week I think they they have trouble they they've been decimated at receiver and I just don't think they're as explosive as they used to be in the way they were they rely on bell especially if you're a team like the Bengals that can just be like we're gonna hit the hell out of that guy. We're taking a couple 15-yard penalties. And then offensively, cold weather, probably a low-scoring game. I don't know.

I just like it. I like the extra point. They're getting three and a half at home, Cincinnati. And I like Cincinnati. I didn't even know that. I thought it was closer to three, but it doesn't matter. There's a lot of good evidence that Cincinnati, as a home dog, performed extraordinarily well.

Now, Pittsburgh has kicked their ass. Pittsburgh's on a long kind of winning streak of beating the Bengals. But all the observations you just made feel right to me. I'm personally taking Pittsburgh, not for any reason other than it might have a little bit of a wager having to do with them as the division winners at the end of the season. I think Pittsburgh has, you know, they've padded their record against bad teams, right? Yes. They beat the Jets.

I think they got to play the Browns. Oh, no, they played the Browns once. They got to play the crappy Colts on a Thursday without Andrew Luck. They caught Buffalo on a great week when if Buffalo was even in half-decent shape, good stuff would happen. I'm not sure they're that good, and I just need to see more evidence. I think Bell might be the MVP because it's a pretty, I don't know, uninspiring Steelers team for the most part.

And Bell has been the difference maker for them. So anyway, all right, who are we agreeing on for the third pick? People might not like this. They're going to be suspicious. Aren't we going to agree on the Carolina Panthers getting six and a half here in Washington? Yeah. And this is the same philosophy as last week with the Texans line was stupid against the Colts. You were getting three extra points.

And then the Ravens-Pats line was stupid, too. That was seven and a half for most of the week. It finally settled, I think, at seven or six and a half. Yeah, we're telling the people to push. Yeah, but it was just too many points because funky stuff always happens in those games. I'm with you. I don't totally understand why you're laying almost a touchdown at home.

I don't know who trusts this Redskins team to that degree. Carolina looked frisky last week against San Diego. They were playing hard. I saw on Inside the NFL, they Mike Thomas Davis. He's flying around doing stuff. And I don't know. It just feels like we're getting three points. I think it's a line to get folks to take the Panthers because Cam has looked so terrible.

You know, he's been under 50% in completion percentage for two straight weeks. The interesting thing, the reason I couldn't possibly take the dead skins here, they are 1-15, I repeat, 1-15 straight up and against the spread in their last 16 Monday night home games. I have watched this story again and again and again and again and again. They're in prime time with stuff on the line, and they're not up to it. Now, I actually think they're going to win on Monday. I probably shouldn't say that.

But the 6.5 is absurd. This line should be at most like 3.5, 4 if you want to, you know, sort of take into account how bad Cam's been this season. And the other thing with the Native American Washington team, you're 7-5-1. You're looking at on the outskirts of a wild card, right? You got Carolina this week. They have to win out.

You have to win out. They have to win out. You got Chicago at Chicago next week, and then Giants week 17. So this is the one where it's like, oh, we'll win the Monday night one. Well, maybe you won't. Maybe this becomes Carolina's Super Bowl, not to get embarrassed on another night game. And on top of that, I just –

Washington's let me down a couple times. I'll put it that way. They're not that much better than anybody else. I mean, they're a classic NFL parody team. The Eagles had the ball on the 20-yard line with 21 seconds left last week. I mean, Ryan Kerrigan made a spectacular play to cause Wentz to fumble, and the Redskins, the Deadskins Redskins, recovered it. But, you know, they were right there with Arizona but lost.

They were mostly there with Dallas but lost. They were mostly there with Dallas but lost. And they can also beat pretty much anybody. I don't think they could beat Seattle or New England, but everybody else in the league, I give us a fighting chance because the offense is so good. That's the thing. Yeah, if they're a six seed, they're going to be able to at least score some points and do some stuff.

Yeah. Doesn't mean they're going to win. They'll probably shoot themselves in the foot at some point but um hey hold on one second how stay in the line we're gonna bring in mallory rubin from the ringer but first uh i want to say hi to our friends from audible.com do you love books but don't have time to read them mallory you love books i love books audible.com has the perfect solution get audiobooks and and listen at the gym. You don't like the gym. You like books, but you don't like the gym. Morally opposed to exercise.

Right. During commutes, you could listen to Audible.com, even watching football on mute. They provide over 180,000 audio programs from leading book publishers, broadcasters, entertainers, magazine, newspaper publishers, business information providers. Their free app works on iPhones, iPad, Android, Windows, Kindle Fire, and over 500 MP3 players. You own these books. You're not renting them. And there's a great listen guarantee. If you don't like a book, no worries. Exchange it for another title. No question asked. Why listen to sports radio and lousy music channels when you can listen to books? Guess who has audio?

Guess who has Audible? My wife and my kids. They listen to it in the car when they're trapped in traffic. They love it. Right now, audible.com has a free 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com who has audible my wife and my kids they listen to in the car when they're trapped in traffic they love it right now audible.com is a free 30-day trial membership go to audible.com slash bs today and start your free trial right now okay uh house mallory is here and um we were just talking about the washington hey there we're talking about the Washington professional football team. Oh boy. Your Baltimore professional football team. Yeah. Mallory is tortured by a lot of things in life.

That's true. Especially this. Joe Flacco brought her so much joy. He won her a Super Bowl. She's a diehard Ravens fan. Yeah. And yet he's also the bane of her existence. Here's the thing. Joe Flacco.

Because he's not elite. Yeah. He never brought me joy. Because even when he won a Super Bowl, all he did was attempt to invalidate my long-running argument that he's garbage. Right. So it almost like tainted it for you. It was a little like when I complained about Doc Rivers for four years and then the Celtics won a title with Doc Rivers. I'm like, oh, wow, that was weird. It's like all I have in life, other than this beautiful job

and my time with you cherished pals, is being able to every day text my dad or look at a colleague or talk to my husband and say, you know who sucks? Joe Flacco. And he tried to rob me of that. Well, now you have it back because last week on Monday Night he threw the ball 52 times.

And it was 52 times that didn't really work out that well for you other than a couple. He is so terrible. When you texted me about popping over to do this, your phone very fittingly autocorrected his last name to Flaccid. He plays like a flaccid penis out there. The thing is, it's not like he's devoid of ability, but you never see the fire. You never see the fire. I would actually prefer to have a quarterback

with slightly worse physical gifts and skills and ability, like a slightly less of a cannon arm, and somebody who actually looked awake. Joe Flacco is just three and a half hours every week of looking like he's had a meal that was slightly too big at bonefish the neighborhood joint where my mom i swear this is true saw him at dinner after he signed his gigantic contract like that was his idea of celebrating, going to Bonefish. Wow. And so, very fittingly, he's just always out there looking like he needs a snooze.

It's like, dude, get a triple shot of espresso. Take another Gatorade chew. Like, I don't know, Fun Dip? Like, get a sugar high going for a couple hours. Something. Wake up. Wow. I don't even know what else to add, House.

Do you have anything else to add? I'm really speechless. This is from a Ravens fan. This dude won a Super Bowl, and if the Ravens make the playoffs, you know, I expect him to fully flip the Flacco switch. He goes from flaccid to entumessed. He is entumessed by the playoffs. So you're saying he's a grower, not a shower? He's a grower! He's got it! I wrote a shower. He's a grower. You got it.

I, I wrote a column for Grantland once called the two flacos. That's right. I remember. He was literally two people. And in the playoffs, something happens. I actually thought it was going to happen on that Monday night football game

house. We forgot when we did the Callaway par three, which we did our picks. You forgot to tell the listeners about Callaway. So do that really quickly. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to give everybody the gift of forgiveness it's the holiday season get yourself Big Bertha Fusion

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I would love to. Okay, so two things we got to discuss with Mallory. One is small and one is big. Mallory loves Postmates. Wow. Yeah. Mallory's Postmates, her love for that app and the effect that it has on her day to day life

Has been a running topic in the office For five six months How often do you get Postmates Specifically Postmates Or how often do I use like a E-delivery app of any sort Including LA Bite Caviar all sorts of delightful options

We're not doing a Postmate app Food delivery apps. Four nights a week? Well, I'd say it's usually somewhere between three and four nights, but then here's the wrinkle. On the weekends, I love a nice Postmates brunch. Okay. Love a nice Postmates brunch.

So we're thinking six times a week. I think we try to cap it at five and be responsible if at all possible. But every now and then you have to give in. Here's the thing, Bill. Like, I got to work hard for you. I know. Every minute I'm spending slaving over a meal. Yeah, that's a minute I'm not building you your website.

Right. That's true. So that's what this is all about. It's not about laziness or the fact that there are just people out there. I didn't say it was about laziness. No, it's definitely about laziness. No, it there are just people out there i didn't say it was about laziness no it's definitely about laziness no it's not totally you love postmates you like having somebody show up with food now i bring this up because i've known joe house for 28 years 20 29 years nobody on the planet that i've ever met in my life loves having food delivered to him more than joe house okay so when this whole world opened up where now it's an app where you press a couple buttons

and food arrives, House, explain what that meant to you as a human being. Yeah, I couldn't wait. I rushed. There's three services here in the DC, in the DMV area, Postmates being one of them. I rushed to all three and immediately created accounts because once you make the investment of time in getting the account set up and I have to use two or three credit cards in there, I can't just put one credit card in

so I have to rotate it but once you make that small investment of time, it feels like you just breathe you just breathe, I want Mexican up it pops and then there's a menu and I don't have to do anything but order the delicious food so that I won't just pressing the mouse or touching the touchpad or whatever it is on my phone, and then the food is magically on its way.

And I absolutely love the ones that tell you how far away they are and where they are with the GPS. GPS tracking is essential. Essential. Oh, it's just, it's lovely. One of the reasons I wanted to bring this up is, hold on, let me interrupt you for one second. Everyone complains about the internet all the time. I think the internet and technology have brought us some great things.

And I really feel like Postmates, especially like when you have kids and it's a pain in the ass to drag anyone to a restaurant and have to deal with my son, who's just like a human cannonball, bring him to any restaurant. And just to have food show up at the house is really a delight. All right, keep going, house. So there are, I forgot one. There are four options here in the DMV. Okay. Caviar, Postmates, DoorDash, and Uber Eats. So my rankings, my power rankings, my delivery power rankings here in the DMV,

number one is DoorDash because most reliable. No. It's a true fact. They are by far, here in the DMV, the most reliable. Now, DoorDash doesn't have the best. DoorDash, you've stunned Mallory. This is crazy. They don't have the best restaurant options.

Caviar has the best restaurant options. Caviar is 1A for me. But caviar tends towards higher-end stuff, so I'm not ordering on most Friday nights $150 steak dinner to my house. But you've done that some nights. Why not? You've done that some nights. Some nights. That's just not every night.

Number two is is postmates and the reason that they're second tier is because i've found them to not always tell the truth sometimes they say 35 minutes and it ends up being 50 minutes or 55 minutes or 60 minutes. Wow. And sometimes the Postmate liaison that I arrive upon gets the order a little wrong. Yes, that happens a lot. After you've already invested all of the time and the expectation and everything, you're not sending the food back. Can I give you a tip? And you're stuck.

Can I give you a tip? Well, you know, there isn't transparency about who effed up the placement of the order, whether it was the individual person, whether it was somebody at Postmates headquarters. I don't know who effed up the communication. Someone at the restaurant? Here's the thing. Right. You take the control back.

You order two to three extra items, just anticipating that there's going to be a mistake. Oh, wow. Yeah. Veteran Postmates. And that way, no matter what they leave out, maybe you didn't get your salad. Maybe you didn't get your mozzarella sticks. It doesn't matter because you still got your smothered potatoes. And then when you see what's missing, you submit the complaint to customer service. It's a flawless system. You know me, Mallory Rubin. That is the Joe

House strategy to a T. I get that. Believe me, I get that. And I get it right. Here's the crucial fail in that for me. My wife likes two things. She likes meat and she likes potatoes. And she likes nothing else. On too many occasions, the food that I have deliberately and specifically ordered for her comes wrong and she won't touch it. Now, that means more food for me.

Right. Which is wonderful, obviously. But I don't like her to go hungry too often. Hey, house. It's okay once in a while. I went to dinner last week with Rembert and Wesley in Fantasy in New York City, and the menu had a chicken for two.

Oh my God. And Wesley and I ordered the chicken for for two and we joked for like five minutes about how upset you would have been that it took two people to eat the chicken for two and how you just sort of taken it down for two hey can you tell the story about when your husband was doing an order and wanted to use an old order from a place you'd like to go to on postmates what was the number how many times did you order from there? So it's actually even more embarrassing than that because it was caviar, not Postmates, which means it's the one we use far less frequently. Far less frequently. We're like, we're pretty regular Postmates users. We use caviar, I'd say the next most frequently,

then probably LA Bite. DoorDash, only for one restaurant because they have an exclusive. I'll do it for Luxon, nowhere else because they always take two hours and I don't want to wait that long. So we were ordering from Blue Plate Oysterette on 3rd. And I said, you know what I'm in the mood for? I'm in the mood for just a nice, warm, soothing bowl of clam chowder, a little side salad, maybe a lobster roll. Maybe a lobster roll if the spirit moves me in the next 30 seconds while you're placing this order. And so he said, all right, I think that's what you got last time. I'll call up the last order. And then I guess either he had never seen it before or they had recently added the view where you can see how many times you've ordered an item previously.

Again, I just want to state for the record, this is not the app that we use the most frequently. It's your backup app. It was the 44th time I'd ordered the clam chowder. I've only lived in Los Angeles for three years. I think caviar only existed for a couple, at least only in my life. It's so great. That was a dark moment. That's not even my most embarrassing story. Find a clam chowder you can trust.

It's a great moment. Yeah, it's delicious. I have, as somebody who spent years in the restaurant slash bar industry, I've always thought the restaurants, I'm just assuming this because I was in that whole world 20 years ago, take out's a pain in the ass you don't really most people don't tip on it right you just don't like it it's just it's money that goes right to the restaurant you just you morally opposed to it just in general it's it just all it does is take you

away from stuff you could be doing that could be getting you tips and gratuities so i feel like they intentionally i think they know when it's postmates or caviar they must right every time they must know and i think they intentionally either screw stuff up or don't put everything in because they probably don't like it that much maybe it's the opposite though like maybe they're like this is an area of our business that we can now just eliminate and not worry about these people can do they're essentially outsourcing delivery, right? If you think of it that way. We don't have to pay a delivery guy if we've got all these postage people coming.

So then how do the orders keep getting screwed up then? It doesn't make sense. You put in the order. It goes in a website. They call them in. It's six, seven items max. I think I've had, I probably have a 20% success rate with online food ordering of getting every single item. To your earlier point about- Well, you need to try harder. Yeah, order more stuff. Come on, pay attention. 20% success rate with online food ordering of getting every single item to your, to your

earlier point about try harder. Yeah. Order more stuff. Come on, pay attention to your earlier point about how this is like a good by-product of the digital age. Anything, whether it's this or something else, it always cuts both ways. There's a good and the bad, like, you know, the good is that you can get anything you want just literally in 30 seconds. The touch of your phone just appears in your life. It's amazing. It it's fun it's easy you can actually explore more of the culture around you without really doing anything in theory makes the city more accessible but you don't have as much control you can't just turn to someone and say actually where's my second spaghetti bolognese yeah i definitely wanted to and you know what if Postmates had existed a few years ago when Joe Flacco

signed that contract? And my mom had decided to order her salmon, her bonefish salmon dinner on Postmates. She never would have been there. She never would have seen him. Never would have known. I feel like I was maybe a little too mean to Joe Flacco. No. Just a shade too mean. Listen, you were talking like a fan. We weren't journalists in that moment. We were fans. 17 touchdowns, 12 interceptions.

I'm never going to forget Flacco Translate to Placid. House, true or false, if you knew there was a world coming in which you never had to leave your house and you could have food and sex delivered to you, would you have a family right now I absolutely would have a family good answer you would have thought you would have paused for a second though right I think we do live in that world

those things are available yeah it's really You just stay at home Yeah they are available This is our second piece of business How much time do we have? Alright we have like 10 minutes This is too long of a podcast already

Star Wars Okay Mallory loves Star Wars I love all like nerd culture stuff Here's where I break the news to you That I have not seen a Star Wars movie Either in the theater Or on video

or on pay-per-view or anything whether it was an original or a second watch okay since Revenge of the Jedi whenever that came out okay no no what was the third one Revenge of the Jedi is the third one Return Return of the Jedi 1982 that was 83 83 saw that in the theater with my dad so you completed the original trilogy complete Completed the original trilogy. Done. That was it. Saw every one of them once. Out.

So the last time you saw a Star Wars movie was the last time the Orioles won a World Series. Yep. And three years before I was born. And when Eddie Murphy and Michael Jackson were at their apexes. Why did you stop? Never really liked it. I wanted to get House's The Tiebreaker opinion. I don't know what this was about the 76, 77, 78 range of my childhood.

But at least where I lived in Massachusetts, in the tiny little suburb called Chestnut Hill, the kids either went one of two ways. Either they love sports and they played sports all the time. And we played street hockey and basketball. And we bought basketball cards and football cards and baseball cards and watched the games at night. And then there were like the Star Wars people. Right.

And they were really into it. And they were having Star Wars fights and doing that. And the two groups just didn't mesh. I love the lightsaber motion you just did when you said Star Wars fight. That was great. So I knew it was going on, but I just gravitated toward the sports side. And I don't know whether that was like a unique 1970s Massachusetts thing or whether the whole country was like that and just never got into it.

And now I watched a Star Wars movie with my son or tried to. I put it on for him. Which one? The first one. A New Hope. Put to. I put it on for him. Which one? The first one. A New Hope. Put it on. Put it on. Left.

He was like in 10 minutes, they're walking across the desert. Right. And he's like, I'm out. This is too slow. And I don't feel like I'm missing anything. So what am I missing? Well, I think the simplest answer is that you're missing just an enjoyable experience, right? You're also missing arguably the defining cultural phenomenon of our lives.

Well, I know that. Which seems notable. Yeah, it seems notable. But you've chosen to abstain from other things that fall into that category. Like, you're not a Harry Potter fan, right? Right. Lord of the Rings, no. Right.

So basically anything that falls into nerd culture basically fantasy sci-fi if i were being uncharitable i'd say anything that required a shred of imagination not appealing to you but i like game of thrones so explain that nudity easy that's easy come on are you kidding if everyone was walking around showing their tits in star wars you'd be more interested i definitely would that's true Is that in the new one? No, I'm sorry to say. Sorry to say. House, where do you stand?

I'm somewhere in the middle. I grew up revering Star Wars. I saw it at exactly the right moment. I have two brothers, so this could be like a thing where you as the only child. I needed brothers. You were at a bit of a disadvantage. With two brothers that are roughly my same age, we're all in consecutive years, we could play Star Wars and play basketball in the same day,

and we played Star Wars. So each one of those movies in the early 80s was crucial to our own development. We were able to be culturally literate in that moment, and we played the games and got the figures and all that kind of stuff. The next iteration I was out on, when they, when, you know, Jar Jar Binks and all that kind of stuff started coming in, I went to one of those movies and couldn't really sit through it. It was so bad, and I'm completely illiterate on the prequel and all the rest of it, but I am now required to get myself back up to speed because my six-year-old is completely

infatuated. Oh, and only child, so that also goes against theory. So, all right, let's say I wanted to start. Yeah. Would I watch the one that came out last year first? Are you starting? Is this an independent individual journey? Are you going to try to do this with your kids?

My son doesn't care. He's out. Let me peel back 30 seconds here and just share this little personal story with you. Yeah. When they re-released the original trilogy, which was like maybe like late 90s or something like that. My dad took me to the theater to see all them the senator in downtown baltimore okay and it was like such an amazing bonding experience it was this thing that meant a lot to him he got to share that with me and then that yeah exactly kind of passed and

that was more you know he had a genuine affection for it so that wouldn't necessarily be the same but it's a cool part of what makes it a cool cultural thing is that it's an experience that spans generations right so like everybody younger people older people can say like i love star wars and in theory you're discussing the same thing but it can mean something very different to each of you like house is offended by the prequels but maybe his son is like, man, Hayden Christensen is dope. Like, I just love Anakin. Nobody's ever said that. I find him very handsome. I find him very handsome.

I've always been quite enamored. He wants to know when Anakin became Darth Malheur. I have an important question for you. Okay. I didn't actually answer Bill's last one, so I'll try to answer this one. Oh, I'm formulating a strategy for how to introduce my kid.

Okay. We have told him, notwithstanding the fact that through the youth culture, he knows all the storylines and all of the characters and has insisted that we buy Legos for him. We've not permitted him to see any of the movies. We told him he's not allowed to see Star Wars until he turns seven. Okay. I, with the arrival of Rogue One, am leaning towards perhaps sneaking off to the movie theater with him. Picking up on the theme you just described. You know, giving him a moment with Dad where he, Dad and son, sneak off, catch Rogue One, and use Rogue One as the launch point into the entire series. What do you think?

I think it's a beautiful idea. I think that if the concern is that he's maybe a shade too young for what he's actually going to see on screen, it's worth noting, spoiler alert, that Rogue One is basically a war movie. I saw it last night. It is incredibly violent, at least by Star Wars standards. I mean, you never really see like blood or guts or gore in Star Wars, but it's just two hours and 17 minutes or whatever it is of people getting shot. Pretty violent, but it was fun. A lot of of pretty beaches so you could start last year with last year's movie then this is second yeah and then you jump ahead to the the hate and christian i think that it's worth trying to start in the original ones because they're never they're always going to seem really dated

if you go back to them like if you watch got. Got it. If you watch Force Awakens, the one that came out last year, the Adam Driver, Kylo Ren new villain one, that is like, even though it's very derivative and it's kind of like note for note, the same story as A New Hope, it's really beautifully shot. It's really beautifully choreographed. It's fun. It's compelling. It looks cool. And then you'd go back to the originals and you'd be like, well, that's not a cool like

mastermind. That's a puppet. You know, like you'll get Yoda and you're just like, uh, well, that's just, that's just a puppet. You can see his strings. So that's tough. I think it's worth starting at the beginning, trying to talk them into having patience for a few hours and then advancing through the story.

So what you said about, um, your dad bringing you to Star Wars and how that was a great parent child moment. That's how I felt when I took my kids to Creed. I think Rocky is my Star Wars. That's great. I took my kids to Creed. It was the same thing. They loved it.

I was like emotional that my kids were now experiencing the Rocky franchise. We went back. We watched a couple others. It was great. That sounds beautiful, but you're still letting that jocks versus nerds thing define you. But so why do I love advanced metrics so much? I don't know, man.

You've created a website where these things co-mingle and coexist beautifully every day. I'm not against Star Wars. It's just I almost feel like it's too late. It's too late to jump in. I don't my brain is just there's a reboot it's all starting again you know one of the interesting things we had a very nerdy ben limburg article about the video games and one of the interesting things he mentioned in there was that when disney acquired the rights they basically decanonized the whole expanded universe that had existed before and attempted to like Streamline the narratives

Make sure there couldn't be Like things that Contradicted each other And like I think that is Ultimately a way Where you could say I actually didn't really

Like these original movies I wasn't interested In checking out the prequels I am just gonna start fresh This is like a new journey For me from day one It's a new hope for you Bill It's a new hope for me

A new hope for you Yeah I always thought That Carrie Fisher Yeah Really good looking. Her and Margot Kidder were the two lost late 70s ladies. How did you feel about the confirmation of the Harrison Ford affair?

I wasn't shocked at all. I think Harrison Ford, I think he was doing business for a long time. Handsome man, that Harrison Ford. Oh my God. Yeah, that felt like a matter of fact. That felt like it's been on the record for 25 years. I also think during the cocaine era, just everybody slept with everybody for like eight years.

If you didn't sleep with somebody, you couldn't believe it. It was just shock. I think it was just a free-for-all. I didn't think it had anything to do with Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill. Never thought for a second that Mark Hamill ever got it wrong. No, it is. So, House, you'll sneak your son into the Star Wars movie, and then you'll report back. And don't forget to check out Rogue One Week on The Ringer.

Yes. We wrote about all kinds of Star Wars stuff. It was good. Sean Fantasy did a movie review. He did. Said it was the best war movie since Saving Private Ryan. Pulled an all-nighter. Yeah.

What a guy. Wait, he pulled an all-nighter? Yeah. Did he really? Pretty close to it. He's super human yeah so last thing Ravens this week are you playing Eagles you worried not really I mean that's the thing it's like they're just confident enough you should win that one I'm throwing them in a tease

they've got the Eagles the Steelers and the Bengals to close the season I think they can they won't be the Steelers they can't win win, what if they won four or five in a row against the Steelers? They can't keep doing that. It's just impossible. I took the Bengals in the Callaway Par 3 this week. Plus three and a half.

There you go. Divisional rivalry. By the way, Andy Dalton, one of the 38 quarterbacks with a better passer rating than Joe Flacco this year. Joe Flacid.

House, as always a pleasure. Thank you for coming on the BS podcast. Hey, text me when you put in that tease. I went in on the Ravens tease. All right. And explore the whole food app area, and then we can reconvene next week and talk more about this. I can't wait.

Mallory Rubin, one of the originals at the Ringer. Such an honor to be here. Yeah, it was great. It was great to have you on. May the force be with you. Thanks so much to Capital One. They created the CreditWise app. You can check your credit score anytime you want right in the app. It's free to everyone. Download CreditWise today. Availability depends on presence of credit history from TransUnion. CreditWise is offered by Capital

One Bank, USA, N.A. Thanks to SeatGeek, thanks to TheRinger.com, and thanks to Pearl Jam.