The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 162: Friday Rollin' With Mike Lombardi and Jeff Ross

Episode Date: January 12, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons brings on FS1's Mike Lombardi to discuss the NFL playoff divisional-round matchups (6:00) and designate a corresponding character from 'The Wire' for each remaining team. Then, comedian Jeff Ross joins to discuss 'Roast Battle' (33:00), his relationship with Ralphie May (38:00), Jamie Foxx's roast-hosting skills (46:00), the best roast joke of his career (58:00), Pete Davidson’s 9/11 jokes (66:00), beefing with Robert De Niro (71:00), seeing Trump on the golf course (76:00), and brainstorming his next comedy special (84:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the BS Podcast is brought to you by SeatGeek. That's our presenting sponsor and the only fan-friendly app for buying and selling tickets for sports and music. Do me a favor. Go download the free SeatGeek app. You can buy and sell everything on your phone. Tell them we sent you SeatGeek, our sponsor for the last 18 years. Also, we're brought to you by SimpliSafe. Right now, you can save $200 with their Defender package.

That's the best-selling package of 2016. 24-7 protection with alarm monitoring and police dispatch. No long-term contract. No hidden fees. Visit SimpliSafeBS.com and get your $200 off today. SimpliSafe with two I's. We're also brought to you by TheRinger.com. That's where you can find my Friday column during the NFL playoffs. Send me some mailbag questions. I put a mailbag link in

the last one. The mailbag questions are rusty. Come on, step it up out there. Uh, you can also find my sports movie hall of fame series on our channel 33 podcast feed. Subscribe. Now I did Chris. I did with Chris Ryan. We did any given Sunday this week because the inches are all around us. Any given Sunday. The third one we've done Jerry Maguire. We did money ball. And now any given Sunday,

I have a lot of thoughts. It's really Jamie Foxx's breakout movie. And it's the last great movie of Pacino's career. It's not even a great movie, but he's great in it. Anyway, any given Sunday, if you want to hear two guys talk about it for 58 minutes, all the wrinkles,

all the stuff you'd ever want to know. It's on HBO a lot right now. So I would encourage you to go download that one. All right. So here's the plan for today. Mike Lombardi talking about round two of the NFL playoffs. And then my old friend, Jeff Ross, who is the producer of Roast Battle. And that one, you know, Jeff Ross is going to cross some lines. He's the roast master. So I would proceed with caution when you listen to that one. But right now, Mike Lombardi, let's roll. All right, so little-known secret about me before the playoffs. Every year for the last few years, I would somehow talk to Mike Lombardi, even when he wasn't on the podcast, and try to figure out who I was going to pick. And he would help me.

He would give me guidance. He would give me, like, Don Vito Corleone, two and a half hours into The Godfather, like hanging out with Michael in the backyard, warning him about Barzini. This year I did not do that because I knew I had him coming on my podcast. And of course he was completely right about every game

and I went one and three. So I learned a valuable lesson this year is to always talk to Mike Lombardi before I make my picks. So that's what we're doing this week. How are you? I'm great. I'm looking forward to it, yeah.

I'm looking forward to it. Shocking four home teams won, but really when you break it down, I think when you really break down the divisional weekend, and I think it was not – and, you know, people get so upset when you say their team's not a playoff team, but when you really break it down, I mean, Miami and some of these other teams just weren't, you know, at the end of the season, they weren't operating. Miami was outscored, I think, 65-10 at the half against, between Baltimore, New England, and Pittsburgh. The three good teams they played, they were outscored significantly, 64-13. Right. You know, and then when you look at it, you talked about it,

you wrote about Arizona, how they could have snuck in, but Detroit's defense gave up 73 points in two games, and then really the Giants, which to me are, as the fifth seed, they were just remarkable in the sense that they were able to win so many games, close games, and they had the best record of any team. They had 11 wins, but their margin of victory was only five points, which really ranked low in the league. And you called them out on their terrible third down performance and stuff like that, and that started to bear out as that game went along.

It really was. I mean, you know, look, the Giants ranked, the Giants averaged 5.82 for 28th in the league on average margin of victory. And guess who was 27th? The Raiders. Guess who was 26th? Miami. You know, so if you can't beat good teams, like the Falcons,

the average total margin of victory for the Falcons is 14.1. The Steelers is 12.2. So you've got to be able to beat some. Now, I know they beat the Cowboys, and I give them credit for that. But the reality here is, for me, is I think the seedings went, and that's why the home field was such significant, because I think there was a disparity between the five and six seeds in both conferences. All right, enough about round one. Let's talk about round two. So we have a little gimmick for round two. We did this with Goodfellas characters, and it became a smash hit along the lines of Hamilton the Musical.

So we're going to do it again. You wanted to do wire characters. So we're going to go game by game chronologically. We're going to start with Seattle at Arizona. Seattle looked good last week, but they're playing Detroit. And if anything, I think people are a little too excited about Seattle this week. What wire character is Seattle

to you? Seattle's Jimmy McDulty. I mean, they're salty. They love the game. They don't have any respect for the pecking order. Richard Sherman will go over above the line and call out the offensive coordinator for calling pass plays. The chain of command in Seattle doesn't necessarily always go.

They're salty, but they're tough to beat, and they're passionate about what they want to do, and they win. I think they're the classic Jimmy McNulty. I think they're classic Jimmy McNulty. Jimmy McNulty had a drinking problem, Seattle Natterall problem for a while. If a team could feel like collectively it has a drinking problem, it would probably be the Seahawks because they're so irascible. They're yelling at each other.

They have to be separated in the sidelines. They do weird things inside that five-yard line. Like Jimmy McNulty. In season two, he's out there on the boats. The next thing you know, he and Freeman are back to being buddies again. So that's the way Seattle is. Richard Sherman's screaming at it. And really the game that it happened is,

was the Atlanta game when they blow a couple coverages, you know, and they make some mistakes that kind of erupted for them. So to me, they're the perfect Timmy McNulty character. All right, so who's Atlanta? Bodie.

Young, working on a corner, really talented, don't take any crap from anybody, you know, explosive. Atlanta can really move the football. Even though they didn't run the ball well against Seattle, I think the Dome had a lot to do with it. They really struggled to run the ball, and when Atlanta can't run the ball, their offense can't be as balanced. Atlanta, you know, Seattle's looking at this game a little differently than

most of the fans are. Seattle's looking at, look, we blew two coverages. You know, we missed a field goal. We missed an extra point. This game shouldn't have been as close. It really wasn't about the pass interference call that didn't happen. We had them under control. You know, I just, and McNulty and Bodie formed a

bond at the end there. You know, before he got killed, they became kind of, they kind of saw each other. And these two franchises know each other. When you watch the tape of the game, both teams know each other's defense really well. And they attack it really well. And I think Kyle Shanahan will do a good job of attacking it. When you play Seattle, you always have to try to not flood the zone, flood the zone, but then bring another guy across.

This is a numbers game with Seattle, so you're always trying to run another player across the field to get into the void because they don't carry the last player through. They always will carry the second, but not the last. And I think Atlanta knows how to play them. I think it'll be a really good game. I like Seattle only because I think Seattle has to win the game with their defensive front,

and that's the one area where Atlanta's offensive line has problems. It's blocking. Frank Clark didn't play in the last game. Michael Bennett did. I think Michael Bennett's healthier now. I think they need good games out of their defensive front. I think it's a close game. And the one thing I do know about this game,

Thomas Rawls will run the ball well in this game against Atlanta, even though they're on the road. Remember, last time they played him, Christian Michael was the leading rusher for Seattle. Now he's playing in another game. They ran the ball more effectively. The left tackle was their old left tackle. It wasn't Tant, so now they put another guy in there.

I just think Seattle has that kind of Jimmy McNulty attitude. They're going to find a way to get the final way, whether they have to come up with some scheme to convict somebody or to get more money. I think Seattle will find a way to do it. The fact that you compared the Falcons to Bodie, who was shot and killed during the series, I felt like was a bad sign for the Falcons for you were picking for that game.

Wow. I'm surprised. I thought you'd like this Falcons for you were picking for that game. Wow. I'm surprised. I thought you'd like this Falcons team a little bit more than that, but I got to say, you've been a little salty about the Falcons all year. You, it took you a long time to get sucked in.

And obviously you're not a believer. I think Dan, I think Dan Quinn's done a great job coaching the team. I think there are a couple of players away to defend. They don't have Desmond Trufant in their secondary. I think their defense isn't quite as good as it needs to be. And I think come playoff time, the offenses can't carry you. I think we know this. And even though they're playing at home, I think it'll be a challenging game. And I think Pete Carroll's guys have that swagger to them. They know how to play. And I think it's one of those situations where it'll be a really good game. I'm looking forward

to it because it's like an inter-squad game. Both teams know each other really well in terms of how they stack, how they play. I think there's something about Seattle. Who would Dallas rather play, you think? I think Dallas would probably rather play Seattle. Although Seattle's a tough out. Look, I say that, but Seattle's a really tough out. Because Seattle, other than the one game, I forget which game it was this year, they've been

in the fourth quarter, they've been either within seven points in most every game under Pete Carroll. I think your comparison to McNulty and Seattle is, I almost feel like it's a walk-off homer. I don't even know if we do the rest of the teams. It's perfect. And like McNulty,

Seattle just continues to live and continues to somehow be relevant and be in the mix and you keep thinking they're either fired or shot or killed or whatever and they're still hanging around. Let's do the other... And when they clean up, they look good. Let's face it, McNulty, when he cleans

up, he looks good. Now when he's at the restaurant after he tried to take the curve with the car, he looks bad. But I mean, they can clean up and look good and they do it in a weekly fashion so let's do the other nfc game green bay dallas um i promise you dallas doesn't want to see a very hot aaron rogers right now my guess would be that they're going to use the old tom coughlin super bowls against the pats playbook and just try to extend these long, boring, hand-the-ball-off drives and keep Rodgers off the field, which would be bad for Green Bay.

What character is Dallas? Well, Dallas is Marlowe. They're the new kid. They got a chance to be able to run it. They're the new kid, but they still have to go and talk to Avon, which we'll get to him later. But they're the new kids on the block. And I think they're young, they're brash, they're confident. I think they're Marlowe. And who is Green Bay?

Green Bay can only be one. I mean, there's only one person. Green Bay is Omar. Nobody wants to see him coming. Omar coming. Nobody wants to see Green Bay coming. Nobody wants Aaron Rodgers' double-barrel shotgun coming right at him. You know, no Army, nobody really around him. He's just doing it, throwing guys. I mean, look, every time they showed replays of the touchdown passes, the guys weren't even open and he threw the ball. You know?

And his Hail Marys are the equivalent of Omar jumping out the window and surviving. Yeah, that's Spider-Man stuff. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's just, to me, there's only one. Omar can only beat the Packers. And this is why it's a dangerous game. Because the last time the Packers played them, they weren't defensively.

The Packers got off the field. The Cowboys were only 3 of 11 on third down the last time they played them. And it was a really good game. It was 10-6 with about a minute 20 to go in the half. And then Dallas drove the ball down the field. They get a big play from Lucky Whitehead. They get a big pass. And next thing you know, it's 17-6 going into the half.

And Dallas played man-to-man against them, and Green Bay couldn't separate or make any plays. I think Green Bay's a little better now with their receivers. They're healthier now. And I think that even the Cowboys are going to have to control this guy in the pocket because if you don't control Omar, Omar's going to control you. What does Jordan Nelson do for the Packers? I mean, obviously a huge blow, but, man, they just keep pulling receivers off an assembly line.

I wish the Patriots were this lucky. How much does that affect them? No, you're missing it. It's not the receivers. It's the quarterback. He's got until 10 Mississippi to throw the ball. He's standing back there getting guys open. I mean, look, when we play touch football on the beach as kids or in the playground,

you know, if the guy could stand there all day, nobody could cover anybody all day. That's what happens. I mean, how many times? You can make a reel of tape of Aaron Rodgers moving to his right, moving back to his left, moving backwards, moving forwards, oh, and throwing the guy open. That's not the receiver.

It isn't like you go in the game saying, oh, how are we going to stop Allison Hall? You don't. You could. If Rodgers lost any mobility, the receivers would be saying, boy, we're slow at receiving. We just don't have enough explosiveness. I think Green Bay could gain a huge advantage if they used Ty Montgomery more in the passing game.

And everybody knows he's a running back. Now, last week they had him flexed out against Jonathan Cassell in a one-on-one situation, man-to-man. And for whatever reason, Aaron didn't throw the ball on a nine route to him. Threw an inside route to him on a key third down or a second down, made a big play with him. But if they get Dallas in a man-to-man situation and Dallas is counting Montgomery as a running back

and they flex him out, it's going to be ugly. Well, you basically described what I wish the Patriots would do with Deion Lewis all the time. Oh, we're going to run. No, actually, we're not going to run. We're going to split Deion Lewis out and make him a wide receiver. Oh, you're going to defend him with your 245-pound linebacker? Good luck.

He's going to dust him. That's what I – I think the Patriots are saving that for – I think Deion's healthy. He's by far the best running back on the team. And I think they're saving it. I think Belichick just puts bullets in his gun and says to himself, I'm not using this yet. And there's going to be a point when he uses it and maybe it's against

Pittsburgh and maybe it's, Oh, James Harrison. Hey, do you want to try to cover Dion Lewis on this wheel route? Good luck. It's not happening. Yeah.

I agree with you. I think Montgomery, I was watching with the giants last week. I was wondering why they didn't use them that way, but you know, maybe they had so many other great matchups, maybe they didn't need to. Well, you know, they really didn't. I mean, remember that first quarter of the game,

they couldn't get anybody open. I mean, Aikman was saying to everybody, there's nobody open. He was back there. And what happens is, again, it's like the Alabama-Clemson game. Once the defense gets tired of rushing, you can't get it back. Don't you feel like the Hail Mary kind of broke them a little bit? I did. I did.

I thought it did break them. But, you know, look, the Hail Mary came back, and then they went for it on fourth down and didn't get it, and they got right back into the game. Everybody wants to talk about the Hail Mary breaking them, but they had that game close after the Hail Mary. And then they couldn't stop them. That was when McCarthy borrowed Mike McCarthy's cheesecake menu. Yeah.

And what's the name of that big white running back on the Packers? John Coon? No, the guy. Aaron Robiskey. Aaron Robiskey. He ordered the Aaron Robiskey Parmesan. The Cheesecake Factory waitress told him, no, no, that's going to take 25 minutes to cook. And McCarthy's like, I'm getting it

anyway. It looks delicious. And he ran right into the line and fell down. I mean, it was so bad. I mean, you know, but only to be outdone by it. Did you ever see a team run the same plays over and over again like the Giants do? And how about there was one scene where you could even see his face? I know.

I thought the interesting thing was when McAdoo went up to Aaron Rodgers before the game. I kept thinking, do you think Belichick would ever go up to another player before the game? And Aaron Rodgers blew him off. Like, nobody's made any commentary about that. Aaron Rodgers just kind of went about doing what he was doing. That's what I told Sal on Monday's podcast. There was this moment when Connor Cook was talking to Del Rio before he went out for his first series. The Raiders had gotten a stop. Khalil Mack's going off the field and walks

right by him and doesn't give him the ass slap or any sort of signs of encouragement at all. Like, come on, guys. All right, we set it up for you. Just kind of walked by him. I was like, oh, God, I'm done with this Raiders pick. Khalil Mack didn't even touch him. I do believe in that stuff. Like, some of that weird body language stuff is legit. You're right. Belichick would not talk to him. No, and it is.

I mean, look, the reason Khalil Mack didn't go up and pat him on the back, he watched Connor Cook practice. Connor Cook struggles at times to throw spirals in practice. Did you think it was a sign that David Carr didn't go to the game? David Carr's like, screw this, I'm not going. No way Connor Cook's going. I wish I had known that before I made my pick. Well, I think, you know, look, the whole play calling was so bad. I mean, look, you have to have, when you're playing Connor Cook in a game,

you're going to have to have five or six creative ways. You're going to have to do something to take the game. You can't run the conventional offense. And every time they were in third, I mean, they were in third and 11 all the time. You know, and I know Bill Musgrave got fired afterwards. He should have. They replaced him. You know, but that wasn't the kind of game plan.

To me, that's more, I think it's more about the head coach. I think the head coach, when you're in an adverse situation, I think the head coach has to set up the game plan to help the team win. I don't think it can be just because the coordinators are going to do what comes naturally to them. I think the head coach has to come in and say, look, here's how we've got to play the game. Here's how the style we have to play.

Here's what we need to do. We need a lot of throws on first down that are safe that we can make. We need to be able to – like, what really bothers me most about teams with bad quarterbacks is how they – what drives me insane is when they run the ball on second and 10, like they're going to get the change back to third and four. Like you're not, like play Canadian football, throw a first down, get a first down on second down, you know, try to do that because you're not going to win if you don't. Hey, quick break to talk about Blue Apron. Stop wasting money on expensive takeout, Mike Lombardi. What if you signed up with Blue Apron?

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cakes with cabbage and furikake. Right now you can get your first three Blue Apron meals for free with free shipping. Just go to blueapron.com slash BS. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Alright, we gotta go to the AFC. Alright. We'll save the pats to cook. All right, we've got to go to the AFC. All right. We'll save the Pats for last.

Steelers, Chiefs. All right. So it sounds like you like Atlanta. I'm sorry, you like Seattle and you like the Packers, so you like both underdogs in the NFC. Yeah, I do. And AFC, this is Stringer Bell versus Prop Joe. Stringer Bell, the Steelers, don't know what –

is Stringer Bell really a thug, or is he a businessman? What is... The Steelers are a good team, or they're a bad... They're so inconsistent. They look like world beaters last week, and then they go down and they poop down their legs when they play against a good team, but they're lethal. And Stringer Bell could be lethal when he wanted to be. And he died. We should mention he died. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, he did. Well, most of these guys do die, unfortunately.

I wasn't really counting on the death of them to really determine it, but to me, the personality fits. Like I really thought, like I thought Brother Manzone could be also the Steelers. Smart, tactical, you know,

everybody's fearful of them, you know, uh, and, uh, I think stringers, I like your stringer fearful of them, you know, and I think Stringer's a shot. I like your Stringer thing, though, because you're right. Stringer was juggling two people at the same time, which is kind of how I feel about the Steelers team is are they the flinging it with Ben team? Are they the the ground and pound with Le'Veon Bell slash our defense can make plays team?

Do they have an on-off switch? I think Stringer as a character kind of had an on-off switch. I can see that one. That's a good one. And then Prop Joe, to me, the wise, doesn't have a lot of things around him. It's like Andy Reid, Prop Joe, you know, got a lot of trick things, funny sayings, a lot of things he can do. You know, Lethal 2, you know, has a powerful network.

Yeah. But always kind of makes things happen. I think this is really going to be a good game. I think the first game had nothing to do with this game at all. I think it had nothing to do. I think it was one of those games where the Steelers kind of just caught them on fire. Next thing you know, they were behind, and the Chiefs had to buy the next week, and they just regrouped for another day. So do you believe in the revenge thing at all? And the Chiefs had to buy the next week, and they just regrouped for another day.

So do you believe in the revenge thing at all? Because when they were talking about that with the Steelers and the Dolphins, the announcers, I think it was Nance and Sims, that it really made the Steelers mad they lost that game, and they'd been waiting. That game was kind of the pockmark on their season, and they were delighted to have a chance to avenge that game. Couldn't you make the same case for the Chiefs in this round two game?

Not that you need more incentive for a playoff game, but do you think that stuff even matters in the playoffs? I think the tone is going to be we have to play better. I think in the case of Pittsburgh it worked because most teams would look at, like if you're the Steelers and say you wouldn't have played Miami and you watched Miami play New England and New England just drilled them, okay? Mike Tomlin's challenge is to tell his team, look, they're a really good team. They're a really good team. This isn't really how they played against Baltimore.

This isn't really how they played against New England. It's a myth that they were behind 64-13 at the half in three games, or whatever they were in the two games against the other teams. But because they played them, all Mike had to do was turn on his own tape and say, look what they did to us. Look what they did to us. Who's going to play? I mean, Tomlin's, this is Tomlin's greatest strength is his leadership ability. And what he does is he goes to the meeting room and says, look, I'm going to carry seven defensive linemen. I know four I'm going to carry. Who are the next three?

It's going to be determined on the practice field. And it ain't going to be this guy who played like this in this game, or it's not going to be that guy who played like this in that game. So he can challenge the players. And when you can use your own tape to challenge the players, I think it works. In Kansas City's case, I think Kansas City realizes the importance of the game. I think they put that game behind them and said, look, we're playing home. We're a different team now.

That was a bye week. This is live or die. We've got to find a way to figure this out. And Kansas City must control the pace of the game. And Kansas City's thinking to themselves, if Ben's willing to turn the ball over, which he seems to be willing to do come playoff time, we've got to take advantage of it. And as predicted last week, he threw the three picks up for grabs. Miami caught two of them and dropped one of them.

But for whatever reason, he throws three balls a game up for grabs. And that's not going to – this is, to me, the toughest game to figure out of the three because I think there's going to be so many weird variables in play, right? You could have the Le'Veon Bell 80-yard touchdown. You could have the Tyreek Hill 80-yard touchdown. You could have Andy Reid doing Andy Reid things. Maybe we should start calling him Prop Andy. You could have Ben Roethlisberger throwing the worst possible pick

at the worst possible time. You could have the Travis Kelsey 78-yard touchdown. I think anybody who says, I know what's going to happen in this game. Here's how it's going to play out. This is the one game where I feel like it's bullshit. I think all the scenarios are in play. The one thing I don't like for Kansas City is I don't think their defense has been that good. No.

But if they get Justin Houston back, it helps. But if you get him back and he's 60%, does that help? No. him back, it helps. But if you get him back and he's 60%, does that help? No, but look, I think the one strength of the Steelers has been this year, all year, has been the ability of their offensive line. So I give them that credit. I think what the Chiefs must do in this

game is be really good on second down and stay out of as many third downs as they can, but keep the ball on the field. Because this Steeler team, they live for negative plays. They're not a great defense at all, but they want to create a second and 15 or a first and 15 so they can force you and use their team speed defensively to tackle and get off the field.

And I think Alex Smith's got to be really good with the football, and then the home field's got to play a huge advantage here because what Ben was doing to the Miami defense and checking into the right play at the right time because the crowd was on his favorite, he didn't run a bad play most of the game. He's not going to be able to do that in Kansas City. It sounds like you like Prop Andy a little bit here.

I'm with you on this game. I could go either way on this game. I like Pittsburgh because they're so hot right now. I think the one thing that bothers me about Kansas City is there's not enough multidimensional defenses. They don't play enough. If you play Kansas City, it's like the baseball pitcher who just has a great fastball.

And you can win a lot of games with a great fastball. But sometimes you need a changeup and a curveball. And I think Kansas City plays too little of other things and don't play them well enough. And I think Pittsburgh can plays too little of other things and don't play them well enough. And I think Pittsburgh can take advantage of it. Plus, I think Pittsburgh's players, they like playing on the road. I don't think they have – Stringer doesn't mind going in a hostile environment. Right.

And I think they relish this. And I think this is – if they get through the first quarter, I think they're going to be – I think they're going to be – this is going to be a really good game. And I think weather's going to play a factor in it. Ball security's going to play a factor in it. And I think weather is going to play a factor in it. Ball security is going to play a factor in it. And I think kicking is going to play a huge factor in it. And if I have to go with a team on short yards that can get short yards plays,

I think the difference for me is Pittsburgh because of Le'Veon Bell. I think if you play this game 20 times, Pittsburgh wins six, Kansas City wins four, and then 10 come down to like three plays that swing either way. So 50% chance it goes, yeah. All right, last one. The Houston Texans and the Brockening coming to New England. Frank Sabaka versus Avion Barksdale. You know, I almost went with Clay Davis for the Houston Texans.

Kind of fraudulent. They're in the game. You know, always working two sides. But I just think Frank Sabaka was perfect because he doesn't belong where he is. Yeah. And look, I gave Avon to the Patriots because as Avon told Marlowe in prison one day, I'm sort of like what they call an authority figure around here. Right.

And the Patriots are still an authority figure. And they started on episode one of the first season, and they were there in the last episode of the last season. That's right. It looked bleak from time to time. They always rallied back, and in the end, they controlled the streets. I think

one of the greatest scenes of all time is when Marlowe is suspecting the Russian and out comes Ava. Right. And I think that's where, you know, and then Frank Sabaka is really a great character because he tried to do everything good. He tried to make everybody happy,

he tried to dig a deeper port and make everything happen. But he was in way over his head. Yeah. In way over his head. And I think the Houston Texans are in over their head. Did you take anything positive from the Brock performance last week or no? Not really, no. I just thought that, you know, look, I'm disappointed in,

I was disappointed in the lack of pass rush. But, look, the heist is still the heist. I mean, he's still going to have his moments. And if it's cold in New England, he's got to go in there with crowd noise and get them in the right play. I just don't, they're going to double hop hop because they're going to force the ball somewhere else. And this guy doesn't make quick decisions, nor does he throw the ball with any great location and accuracy. I think that's what you saw on Monday night with Watson from Clemson.

You saw a great player, but he doesn't have great accuracy. And that's what you see with Brock. He's not a great player, but he doesn't have great accuracy. And that's what you see with Brock. He's not a great player, don't get me wrong. I thought Oakland was terribly coached last weekend. Their defense, I don't know what they were up to. They certainly weren't playing with a lot of passion. Right. He kept just throwing.

I thought he was coached with his fingers taped on the sideline like he was actually getting ready to play. Did you notice? I never seen a coach with his fingers taped on the sideline like he was actually getting ready to play. Did you notice? I never seen that either. Ken Norton's fingers are taped like he was getting ready to play in the game. I've never seen anything like it before. I mean, it's remarkable. He kept throwing to the tight end over and over again.

It's like, yeah, that's what he's done all year. All he does is throw 10-yard passes to the tight end. Just double cover him. The play's called Ozzie. It-yard passes to the tight end. Just double cover him. The play's called Ozzie. It's an out to the tight end. It's Gronk's play. And my sons and I were watching the game, and here comes another Ozzie, here comes another Ozzie.

And it was so true. And I don't think he's going to be able to run Ozzie all the time. I mean, look, the Patriots weren't playing great defense the first time they played him, and they shut him out. I don't think they're going to shut them out in this game, but I think the Patriots offensively are playing way better. And I think that's going to be the problem, because the last time they lost to them, Jacoby Brissett was the quarterback.

That's not going to be the case. There was no Deion Lewis. This is a different team offensively. I think you'll see Michael Floyd have a bigger role. I think Danny Amendola will have another role. I don't think Malcolm Mitchell will play. I think he'll be replaced by Floyd. I think you'll see, and I think you'll see this Patriot defense,

I think you'll see them flying around to the ball. I think they'll double Hopkins, and I think they'll make it hard for the Heist to walk out of Boston with any money. The Houston defense has a bunch of guys that I like. There's no way they keep Houston hanging around in this game, right? Well, I mean, look, Whitney Marcellus is a good player. I mean, this will be a Newark, Newark, Newark,

and Clowney's great. The cornerbacks. But New England knows their coverages. They know their adjustments to the coverages, and so Brady will go to the line of scrimmage with a good play in his hand. This is where home field really makes a difference, is when you have a great quarterback who can get you into the right play. And you can do that, and they'll go some tempo,

and once they can tire their defensive line out, then I think it becomes a problem. So it sounds like you're leaning toward Avon versus Marleau, which is how the wire played out, with Omar as the wild card, and Omar lasted a long time and then finally tragically died. Right. Okay. So Pat's Dallas with Green Bay as the wild card, and Omar lasted a long time and then finally tragically died. Right. Okay. So Pat's Dallas with Green Bay as the wild card.

That's what I'm taking away from this? Maybe a little bit of Seattle? Yeah. Oh, and McNulty. We can't forget about McNulty. No, I think Seattle's the perfect McNulty. Okay. You know, dress them up.

They look good. Yep. All right. And they'll argue with everybody, and they have no respect for, I mean, look, when Richard Sherman's calling out the play caller, isn't that a McNulty thing?

Totally. Mike Lombardi, it's been a pleasure as always. And don't forget, if my name's on the street, my name is my name! They're talking about my name on the streets?

What? That's the white guy version of that speech. Mike Lombardi, I'll text you. Can I give you my favorite line of all time is when was when Avon comes over

to Prop Joe and he's dressed up coaching a basketball game and Prop Joe tells him he said hey if you want to how's it go if you want to be

if you want to be the part you got to look the part yeah and he was looking the part now he's Prop Andy now he's Prop Andy I love Prop Andy he dressed all warm

Prop Andy and Prop Joe even built a lake. I think this is one of your best ones ever. Yeah. All right. Michael Labarde will talk to you next week. Thank you. Bye-bye. All right.

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Don't get bent out of shape if there's a line that gets crossed that you might not appreciate. I'm not forcing you to listen to this podcast. I'm not. You're making your own choice. This is your own free will. So here we go.

Jeff Ross. Taping this part on a Wednesday. It's like 1230. Somehow Jeff Ross is awake. This is the earliest you've been up in like 10 years. It really is crazy. What time do you get up? Like two?

You're like the Twilight Vampire. Lately in LA, I've been getting up a little, not as late as in New York. Sometimes in New York, I'll miss daylight. You miss daylight completely. Yeah. I'm like, wow, I really am still a still a comedian like to think of myself as other things good person but at my heart the roast master I'm a comedian vampire we did a podcast I think in like 09 or 2010 when I was at ESPN it was like pre-grantland you came over to my house right and it went for like an hour

and a half and it turned into this whole thing about how upset you were about dancing with the stars and our friend cousin Sal tricking you into thinking you were safe when you weren't. And it was like I really felt like a psychiatrist. Then Tom Cruise healed you guys. I still don't feel like it's the same. It's like 75% the same. No, I disagree. You're back. Sal and I, I think in a a weird way we're better than ever oh good okay i think that that was sort of like the midlife crisis of our relationship and now we're we're closer than ever i feel like the midlife

crisis i talked to sal yesterday a little bit good okay i'm glad you're back i think i think we're we're we're through all. I think we've both matured. I've known you for a long time. And a couple years in a row, we wrote for our friend Kimmel for the AMAs. Right. And I remember we were driving around in LA once and you were like, I've got to get out of this roast thing. I don't want to get pigeonholed as the roast guy.

Since then, you've written a book about roasting you've you've renamed yourself the roast master you've done 10 celebrity uh comedy central roasts at least 10 all of which have been successful and really good and now you've mastered it with the roast battle you've actually mastered this whole thing roast battle is my favorite new show of 2016, other than Atlanta. I have Atlanta 1, Roast Battle 2. I loved Roast Battle. It was great. I love it.

I loved how it built as the week went along in Montreal. It was at the Comedy Festival. And the first day, it was like the fans didn't totally get it. And by the last day, people are cheering. It was like an MMA or something. It was awesome. We're doing it again soon. So where is it?

Give us the details. We're going to do it. It's going to air the last four days, I think, of January. I think 26, 27, 28, 29. Like right in there. The last weekend of January. And where are you doing it? Las Vegas?

On Comedy Central. We're doing it from the Sunset Strip in Hollywood. Oh, so I'm invited. You're invited? Thanks for inviting me. Well, it's all coming together right now. Yeah. The Comedy Store on Sunset across the street.

Remember what's across the street? Oh, yeah. The House of Blues, right? So they're tearing that down and building condos. The week before they tear it down, we're building our Roast Battle Arena inside there. And then they're tearing that down. And then we're going to do our four finale shows. And then they're tearing that down and then we're gonna do our four finale shows the last one and then they tear it down forever so we'll be the last four shows ever in

that building can we go over the rules for the roast battle yeah because you're having all these preliminaries right now which i've been watching we did the preliminaries from atlanta and denver this week and uh out next week sunday at nine is uh is um the la, Sunday at 9 is the LA preliminary. Sunday at 10 is the LA preliminary. The Sunday nights. Yeah. Every Sunday night, there's a Rose Battle preliminary. I don't know when people are going to hear this podcast, but they're going to hear it this week.

Yeah. So every Sunday at 11, they put up their preliminaries. And you can always watch them online at any time. The one this week was great because every once in a while, a comedian comes on who has no idea what the format is and just doesn't get it and walks into a bus stop and gets mad as it goes along. And I forget the name of the guy. Carlos Miller. Yeah, he wasn't happy. He was mad.

He didn't like it. He was mad at you. He was mad at the guy he was going against. He was mad at the crowd. He was mad at Comedy Central for having him on. How does he not know? It was like one of the judges was like, just Google it. Just Google roast battle.

See what it's about. Yeah. You know, people, they take it for granted a little bit that they can just walk into our arena. But you can't. You have to prepare. You can't bring a knife to a gunfight. Roast battle is serious, serious comedy. The guys who wing it are always in trouble.

And you can tell right away. It's always like, look at this guy. And they kind of look at him and it's wearing these jeans. And you can just tell they're not prepared. Patton Oswalt tweeted yesterday that roast battle is the most absurd, beautiful expression of friendship that's

out there. That's the thing. It's always there's always hugs before and after. But yet, there was one time where there were hugs. But there was one time there wasn always hugs before and after but yet there was one time where there were but there was one time there wasn't hugs we gotta talk about it what do you mean we had to talk about the great ralphie may incident of 2016 they still hugged they hugged he didn't hug you though he was mad at you he's he's mad at me so you bring in one of your best friends in the world ralphie may into roast battle right you bring him in he doesn't totally know what he's getting into he

knew he'd he'd battled before he knew you set him up you give him a first round you give him an easy first round opponent that's your opinion well it was my opinion i thought it was easy he beat i forget who saunders i think second round not as easy mike lawrence who went on to win the whole tournament gets demolished right but yet you're are you his best friend or one of his three best friends? I'd like to think of Ralphie as a very, very dear friend. One of your... Sure. Longest, oldest friend.

How many jokes have you made about his weight over the last 20 years? Not as many as Jimmy Kimmel. Okay. Almost. So he gets demolished, but thinks, well, my buddy Jeff's over there. I'll be fine. I'm still going to advance. Now he gets voted off.

Well, I'm Jeff's over there. I'll be fine. I'm still going to advance. Now he gets voted off. Well, I'm in a unique position. By all accounts, he was so mad at you after that it might have affected your friendship for a while. Is that fair? I haven't talked to Ralphie since the summer. So you don't talk to Ralphie anymore? No, me and Jimmy tried to talk to him that weekend. He wouldn't talk to me. He's been, you know, I haven't seen him now.

I'm in a really weird position with this show because it's creating a family of roast battlers, but yet I don't think there's any other competition show where you actually book it and judge it. So I'm talking my friends into doing it, or in some cases giving people an opportunity to shine. It's something they'd be great at, but then also judging it. Right. I'm trying to think. It would be like if Adam Silver was the commissioner of the NBA, but also ref the games. He was out there running around. That would be funny, by the way, to see Adam Silver in a referee uniform.

You don't know what he looks like. I do. You don't. Come on. I know what he looks like. What does he look like? He's bald. That's true. You know all the other bald people now does he look like? He's bald. That's true.

You know all the other bald people now. That's another thing that's happened with you. When did you shave your head? Last two summers ago. Don't you think people take me more seriously this way? You do look a little more villainous. Yeah. So what were the reasons?

Walk me through shaving your head. Because there was a three-year span you didn't care about your hair at all. And it was just a subject of a few emails with Jimmy and Sal and those guys. What's going on with Ross's hair? I was looking very clowny. I was looking very clowny. I was going through a breakup. I was on my way to host an outdoor tour, the Oddball Fest. And on top of that, I was headed to a maximum security jail.

Right. And I didn't want to be raped. So you wanted to look more street. I didn't want to be like raped. So you wanted to look more street. I didn't want to look like their lawyer. But yeah, I think I found my look finally. So you went, that was what, two years ago? You go into a jail and you do, and you basically roast the prisoners.

Yeah. Amazing. It was pretty fun. People, I just got a letter from a guy who was inside that show. it's kind of cool when you hear from people later on like he wrote you in all caps i was at florida international university recently and some guy came running through and jumped over the barrier i was like what the heck and all of a sudden this guy's like i was in the audience when you were at our jail

man thank you so much now i'm a freshman at this college and sal is still convinced that you that you had a fat joke ready for the first couple minutes and you went to you used it on somebody who wasn't that fat and sal's like oh there's jeff looking around he doesn't realize there's no fat people in prison he has to go with somebody who's mildly overweight yeah well, well, it's all relative. You know, you got to... I thought that was very effective. But back to Ralphie Mae. Okay.

So when I was working on Kimmel Show, Ralphie Mae did stand-up that first year, remember? I was a guest co-host, I believe. He comes out, you have to walk down the stairs. I was there. And he fell, but he claimed that he fell intentionally and it became we we studied this like the south studied this like the zabruder film in the 1960s for four to five years trying to figure out if it was intentional or not and decided that it was not

you know it's one of those things where it's better left undiscovered you know we'll never know the mystery of it is almost better we really need to get to the bottom of why a guy fell on live TV. Because that's the other thing. It was live. That was back when the show was live. The show was live. I was co-hosting. We couldn't really get guests back then.

Jimmy's like, call some comics. Who's around? Right. So he called Ralphie, and Ralphie came out. He killed. He popped right up. He had a great joke and killed. But then they put him through a lie detector test. we were talking about natural disasters that have happened in la the

last 30 years like earthquakes fires stuff like that and i was saying to jimmy that since i'd been here though i've been two minor earthquakes but no major scary one and he's like that's not true what about when ralphie may fell on the stage that was so funny his brain all the time well it was it was his favorite moment i think in the history of the show because you know how much he loves people tripping falling any any sort of anything like that this was like his dream i tripped coming out when i was on his show once and he was so delighted i once went out the wrong. I once went out the wrong door when I entered. Did you really? Yeah.

Like Don Barris, I think, was talking to me right before they introduced me and I didn't really look at the blocking. And boom, I went out the wrong door. Well, when you, that first year you guest hosted for a week and that was my favorite week we ever had on the show. And it culminated in, well, two great moments. One was you lorenzo lamas i got and matt and trey i almost got to fight you yeah i'm not a fighter like it

was crazy you would have lost to lorenzo lamas that would have been bad yeah it would have been bad he was in good shape at the time now you might have a better like he yanked me oh yeah well that was good so there's three because shug night was mad at you what did you say to shug night i forget shug night was very disrespectful and jimmy kept putting his feet on the coffee Well, that was good. So there's three. So my Suge Knight was mad at you. What did you say to Suge Knight? I forget. Suge Knight was very disrespectful to Jimmy. He kept putting his feet on the coffee table. The show was brand new. It just bothered me, and he seemed real.

He'd just gotten out of jail, and I kept pretending I thought he was a football player, and he didn't like that. I'm like, what team do you play for? And finally, and I think I made a joke before he came out, so when he shook my hand, he like yanked me across the couch a little bit. Ooh. I also remember he made a really inappropriate EZE joke that I think is on YouTube that because it was live, we couldn't edit it. Like it was like a 10 out of 10 of being inappropriate. But then the other time I thought you were going to fight was when you had a new car. Oh.

What kind of car was it? It was a white Porsche Boxster boxster a white porsche and sal was outside spray painting my punch lines on it to my jokes that i done stand do split screen you're sitting in the theater you can't leave and sal's outside with your car well first of all if i recall i was shooting cI as an actor from like 7 a.m. to like 7 p.m. Then I'd run over from the valley. And, you know, I'd have to eat

real quick while I was in makeup. And I'd always order like something hearty, a steak, and Sal would walk in just as a meeting and knock it on the floor. So then I'd have to eat like carrot sticks or whatever was around and then do the show. Because I wouldn't eat the dirty steak and like my blood sugar would drop and I think you know Jimmy and Sal seem to think that I'm funnier when I'm riled up and unprepared they definitely think that you and Sal it's going to be a great documentary when in like 2048 and then you'll

animate it just so yeah it's the 70 years of your friendship with Sal. So when you did, I think 99, you did the Bea Arthur's dick joke. Okay. Which was really the Babe Ruth of roast jokes at the time. Ooh. I wouldn't fuck her with Bea Arthur's dick. Cut away to Bea.

She doesn't know what's going on. What roast was that? Jerry Stiller. Jerry Stiller roast. The great Jerry Stiller. That launched the modern era of roasting. Right. And then goes all the way through to, I still love the Shaq.

All of them are on YouTube. I still love the Shaq roast. I think it was the Emmett Smith. We were roasting Emmett Smith in Las Vegas. That's my favorite roast every day. We were roasting Emmett Smith in Las Vegas. And Shaq, like, sort of the producer. Jamie Foxx was the host.

And you came out and you said, this isn't a roast, it's a barbecue. Because you were like, what are the only white people there? I was the only. And then just from there. But the best part of that, if you're a sports fan, is Moose Johnson was up, the cowboy. And he went before, he didn't know what a roast was. So he kind of gave a wedding speech. He's auditioning to be a broadcaster yeah i

just want to say emmett smith what a teammate he just had no idea and you came out and you were like well moose johnson did all my shit and he didn't know what's going on everyone's laughing at him he wanted to fight you he he was more mad at jamie foxx he pushed they cut it i think from the show but if you watch some of the credits or something you can see moose johnson like like push a stool at jamie sit like in anger yeah really yeah because that was also the one where jamie the other night he brings it up all the time that was the one where jamie kind of ruined doug williams's career a little bit yeah he did he started heckling him well doug will Doug Williams went at him first. I don't know if he ruined his career or just sort of put a punctuation point at the end of it.

He shoveled the last piece of data. Yeah, that wasn't great. Well, you know, these roasts are hard. And it's up to the emcee, the roast master, if you will, who's hosting the roast, Jamie, to keep it moving. And if some guy is not prepared or he's hemming and hawing or making a lecture, I think Jamie took a page out of the Milton Berle roast playbook and kept it alive. I actually think he was probably my favorite other than, I'll absolve Jamie. Jimmy's not eligible for this, but Jamie was my favorite roast master. Because he really got involved and he just was kind of enjoying it.

When he laughed, he was laughing at the right things. It was the right point in his career. He was famous, but he wasn't too famous yet. Now it would almost be weird if he hosted a roast. I would feel like he'd have to scale it back a little bit. Oh, no. I think he'd be like the Billy Crystal Oscar host of Roasted. You think he'd go all out?

Oh, yeah. Jamie. You don't think he's too famous now? Plus he's got a comedy movie coming out with Piven and I think All-Star Weekend or whatever. Get him back. I think this is a good idea, actually. This is the time to bring Jamie back. Who's the next celebrity roast?

We don't have anybody booked. It's hard to get them, right? Well, I mean, I think we'll concentrate on Roast Battle and booking that and the judges and stuff. Well, Roast Battle's going to be American Idol. I mean, that's going to live. You think so? Oh, yeah. We got some big judges this time, too. Roast Battle is going to be American Idol. I mean, that's going to live. You think so? Oh, yeah. We got some big judges this time, too.

Roast Battle is going to be a force of nature. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. The ratings were great, weren't they? Yeah. I mean, Comedy Central was super happy with it. Yeah.

It's just funny. You know what I love about Roast? Everyone's so politically correct now, and everybody's so afraid to say whatever. And Roast are like the one place where just everything's still fair game i don't know how long how much longer that's gonna last either so i think at some point it's gonna flip right what do you mean i just people are so uptight now at some point i don't know if roasts get the same kind of leeway well for 20 years they've been they've been going on for 100 years but they're getting bigger and bigger and bigger i know but

everybody's so tight now you must feel it when you go to colleges right no i just did a college in in pennsylvania it was great real slippery rock university great crowd so the comedians that but the comedians always say that's overrated about how the uptight the colleges is but i think they're great i had a blast at a college i i speed roast volunteers from the audience. They come up on stage, college students. They laugh at each other. They laugh at themselves. I don't know. I think you got, you know, I can't, I don't think you can generalize that.

Okay. I think certain comedians, maybe their act doesn't relate or much or whatever, but I don't know. I've always had good experiences at colleges. Is it like a muscle, the speed roasting thing? I was always impressed by how you can do that. You can walk into a room and you just immediately start cracking on somebody. I can turn it on and off.

It's like an on-off switch. It really, and it takes a lot out of me, so I try to keep it off until I need it. I don't want to ever dilute it. Really? Or take it for granted. Like, when I'm doing a live show, like if I'm headlining and doing an hour and I line up 12 or 15 volunteers, like when I'm done with that, I'm tired. Like my brain is tired. It's not the marijuana?

It might be. It's probably a combination. The coffee, the marijuana. No, I mean, you know, it's your brain's in overdrive. You've really, I think about 10 years ago, you figured out the perfect percentage mix of coffee and marijuana. We had scientists after 30 years of tests yeah what is the fact

that marijuana is legal now in so many different places it's so much easier to get and the quality of it is so much better it's great it's gotta be great for you

it's so great and coffee's better than it's ever been really everything's looking up Jeff Ross. I'm feeling real good, man. Don't eat any other drugs. Unbelievable coffee, unbelievable pot, and roast battles are the hottest they've ever been.

You put those three things together, I'm a happy boy. All right. Let's talk about the roast battle system because our friend Pat Barker. Funny guy. Didn't make the cut last year for season one. Right. Let's talk about the roast battle system because our friend Pat Barker. Funny guy. Didn't make the cut last year for season one. Right. He made the cut this year for the preliminaries. He did the regionals twice, right?

Right. Did the regionals this year in LA and won. And did great. Beat Robin Tran. Thought that that was going to then propel. You put him against Robin Tran, which he had trouble with because it was a transgender. And he didn't know whether, from a roasting standpoint, whether the crowd would be for or against. So I think he just stayed away, which was the right move. Well, apparently not.

What? I would have gone for it if I was Pat. I think he made one. I don't remember what he did. He did great. It's not like he didn't do well enough to get in. But he won. 16 spots.

You have a couple veterans who want to get in a tournament. So you've got to make room for Todd Barry. So you have a couple ringer spots that you just keep open. Of course. Right. For headliners who want to compete. Right. And we have to do that.

And you want to mix it up with people from New York and L.A. So you only have a few spots from LA, from each city. But why do you need the headliners, though, is my question. I think it gives it a little variety and a little sort of something for people to play, different angles. And I think it makes the show interesting. Okay. Because I like that.

For me, the charm of the show last year was discovering people like Mike Lawrence and Sarah Tiana. Sure. But you discovered them because they beat Jimmy Carr and Ralphie May and Steve Ranazzisi and guys with some history. Well, Steve Ranazzisi probably shouldn't have come on. I thought it was great for him. You think it was good for him? He would say that he's thrilled he came on.

Really? He immediately afterwards gave me a hug and said, I can be friends with everybody again. I mean, people might not know the story, but. Tell it quickly. He is a funny guy. He's on a show called the league, very popular. And he, uh, it was, uh, when a special came out, it was figured out by the New York times that he indeed made up a story about surviving the nine 11 attacks that he was working in the world trade center. When in fact he wasn't somehow as a young comedian, he put that out there and he just didn't know how to back when, in fact, he wasn't. Somehow, as a young comedian, he put that out there, and he just didn't know how to backtrack it and kind of held on to it.

Bad idea. When people found out about it, they were really mad at him. He stopped working. He stopped going out. You know, being a comedian is like being in a cult or a fan. It's almost a religion for us. When we see somebody who needs to hit the reset button on their life we tend to bring them in and i asked him to do oddball he didn't want to do the oddball

fest amy schumer and i remember reaching out to him and he canceled those dates i was like this guy's really lost at sea so he asked or we asked i can't remember if he wanted to do roast battle and indeed he did and he wanted to clear the air and take his beating. So I put him up against a New York comedian who I knew would go there. Yeah. Sam Morrell. And it was a vicious battle. But Steve Venezisi, who, by the way, is a great actor, couldn't remember his first line, his first joke.

He's nervous. Stumbled. He had the weight of the Twin Towers on his shoulders. I mean, he collapsed. And he was really bad but i think it was what he needed to clear the air he needed to take a couple big hits yeah because he got demolished but maybe lost in the first round but well that's good to hear that that was actually it was a positive for us because watching it i was like wow this guy's getting demolished i feel

bad for him well i think the roast battles sort of create friendships. I don't think, you know, every now and then somebody's a bad sport. It's very rare. Any examples? Ralphie was upset. I mean, you don't talk to him anymore. I would say he's still upset. I would talk to him. He told me to lose his number.

I love Ralphie. Unbelievable. With the roast battle. Somebody said he's been tweeting about roast battle, so maybe he's coming around about it. The thing is, I think he... And I look back, by the way, at his tournament. He had some great jokes and some funny moments. I mean, he didn't even do bad.

He just didn't take the jokes that were about him so great. Which is part of how you have to handle the roast battle. That's what Sarah was saying. Sarah was really good at that. Tiana. Yeah. She just really enjoyed the other person's jokes, and there was not a hint of, ooh, now I'm mad. Of course, you have to be a good sport.

I saw Mike Lawrence, who won the first tournament last night, and I said, are you willing to challenge whoever wins Roast Battle 2? And he said yes. So if we do Roast Battle 3 this summer, Mikerence will compete against whoever wins this tournament so it really is building like wrestling or i was gonna say you're like don king i like even when you were talking about uh matching the 9-11 i wanted to match him with a new york comedian yeah you're like the new don king only he had more hair and better clothes yeah it's so fun and it does it it is exciting i mean i do walk into that arena going this is like i can't even believe that this is happening sometimes and then we had like you know kevin hart and kimmel and seth rogan and sarah silverman and apatow whoopee like these judges

right i go this is i don't remember any other competition show where other comedians want to watch their friends or younger comedians compete. Normally, we don't care about the open micers at the comedy store, but this is something that the comics have gotten behind. I can't remember watching a show with more stoned judges is another thing. No comment. Maybe Paula Abdul on American Idol. I don't know what she was up to. There were times when she looked a little

zonked out of it. You think our judges were stoned? I wasn't. I think maybe a couple were. No, we're taking it serious. You're in Montreal. Maybe Snoop Dogg's

doing the premiere, so. Is Snoop Dogg doing it? Yeah. So you got 16. Yeah, the sweet 16. But you only have three judges. Right.

If you had five judges, I would feel like people could gamble on this. Why? Well, three is like it would be too easy to buy off one of three judges. Right. If you had five judges, I would feel like people could gamble on this. Why? Well, three is like it would be too easy to buy off one of the judges. I feel like I could buy off Snoop Dogg. Who's buying off Sarah Silverman at a roast battle competition? Oh, that would be easy.

I think you'd buy off any of them. No, I do wonder. There's not enough money at stake. I do wonder if it gets to the point where maybe there's gambling on this. Especially because it's live. I would really, really love that because mike lawrence was a machine he's so good although i sarah and i have talked about this i do think like she she choked on one joke and i think she has a lot of regrets on it like she got something she got rattled or she couldn't remember the phrasing and it kind of

knocked her off for like a minute right and that's why I didn't like the Jimmy Carr. I didn't like the fact that he had the notes. I don't think props, I don't think you should be able to read your jokes. And then you gotta go out there, you gotta wing it, it's gotta come from your heart and your head and that's it.

I come from the writing background. So if somebody wants to use a clipboard for effect or affect or whatever, I think it's fine. But you know, it's too big of an advantage but you know kimball and rogan they they disagreed in that case and they voted against him and that left me um you know with a with no vote so earl moved on and in a weird way i liked staying

out of it because they're both good friends so sometimes i like kind of staying out of the tiebreakers and and that stuff it gets complicated at the end of the day it started out like kind of staying out of the tiebreakers and that stuff. It gets complicated. At the end of the day, it started out as kind of a fun thing to get your ya-ya's out. So when people take it so seriously, it gets really intense. What about the guys that come out? The wave. The wave. Last night I was in a weird mood.

Very polarizing, right? Last night I jumped in just for fun and did the wave with the wave. Did you really? I didn't feel like judging. We do our regular Tuesday last time I jumped in just for fun and did the wave with the wave. Did you really? I didn't feel like judging. You know, we do our regular Tuesday 11 o'clock roast battle for fun. But most people like them and then some people, they get killed on social media. The wave is polarizing. You've noticed that. Some people love the wave.

I like it. Some people don't get it. But the wave grew organically out of the belly room where Roast Battle was born. That's Jeremiah, Willie Hunter, and Jamar Neighbors. They are huge Roast Battle fans, and they couldn't get on. They weren't really passed at the comedy store yet. So to get their ya-ya's out, they would just start heckling and getting involved and having fun during the Roast Battle. And then, of course, we had to keep them on because they're part of the family.

Let's take a quick break from the one and only Jeff Ross to talk about Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans. They bring the mortgage process into the 21st century, which is a good idea because it's not 2017. Did you know you can bang out the entire mortgage process on your phone or tablet? Oh, yeah. It's fast. It's powerful. It's completely online. Rocket Mortgage takes all the complicated, time-consuming parts of applying for a mortgage out of the equation. With Rocket

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Mount Roastmore? Mount Roastmore. Best roast jokes? Yeah, what's your best roast joke? Is it still Bea Arthur? Sandra Bernhardt. Holy shit, I wouldn't fuck you with Bea Arthur. Right, yeah.

I never thought that was a great joke. That was a great moment because... Well, it seems tamer now because the roasting we keep going up, up, up, up. But in 1999,

it was... There just hadn't been anything like that. My favorite all-time joke was at a roast for Jerry Lewis. I don't know if I've ever told you this before.

I don't know. But we were roasting Jerry Lewis at the Friars Club probably 10 years ago. And normally I have a rule not to roast anybody over 80 because they could have a heart attack. And he was in his 70s, I think, at the time.

Maybe he's 90 now. So he's about 80. Well, whatever. Anyway, so it came back to us, you know, like we all love Jerry Lewis. Like he gets very sensitive about jokes about he's about 80 well whatever anyway so it came back to us you know like we all love jerry lewis like he gets very sensitive about jokes about jerry's kids so it's like i think he's sensitive about a lot of stuff that was the only kind of stipulation they gave us like a warning an unwritten kind of like if you don't mind this kind of thing that might upset

him and now of course i'm like oh boy how do I dance around this? I got to go there without going there. I got to really just poke it but not break it. Yeah. Like it just became a personal challenge to make him laugh about Jerry's kids. Like how do I get Jerry to laugh at something that's so important to him and so sensitive? So I thought about it and thought about it. I was on the phone with my friend John Max, and we were riffing, and kind of as one sentence together, the joke came out,

Jerry, you know, what about the good things that Jerry Lewis does? We've all been making fun of me all night. What about the good things that Jerry does? What about the fact that just this past Labor Day, a six-year-old boy got up out of his wheelchair and walked for the first time to turn off the jerry lewis telethon and boom you know the room did he laugh there was a pause and then boom jerry's cracking up like he finally broke was the end of the night. Oh, that's good. And then, of course, on the flight home, he had a heart attack. Did he really?

Yeah. He's fine now, but this was a long time ago. I don't think that could be tied to you. I do think that the roast added something to it. I do. I don't roast anybody over 80 anymore. Good move. The most famous roast moment ever was Gilbert Gottfried

at that 9-11. What was it? Hugh Hefner roast. Were you there? No, you weren't there. But I'd just gotten to know Jimmy a little bit when that whole thing

was going. But then 9-11 happens, you have the roast anyway. And then he does the whole aristocrats thing which turns into a documentary. That's going to be tough.

Any roast moment that turns into a documentary has got to be the standard. I think a lot of people say the ann colter uh bombing was up there oh god that was weird though that was almost like a suicide bomber in that like what did she think was gonna happen she's gonna get annihilated we wrote her a fun self-aware speech she would have crushed like really funny stuff the best joke writers in the business helped her and she dismissed it and she was not cool to work with and and uh hard to believe and then she made the whole thing like a plug for her trump book she put the book up on the

podium and started to talk over her book and she did not endear herself to the crowd. And by the way, when you've been made fun of for an hour and a half and you go on at the end, you have a lot of goodwill. Like she could have gotten away with murder. She could have destroyed all of us. Right.

But she didn't. Saddest roast I think is Chevy Chase. Never saw that one. I've only heard about it. You weren't involved in that one? I wasn't there. It was sad. Yeah.

Like he just didn't get it and within five minutes looked like he didn't want to be there some people love it people say todd barry killed at that i don't know i just remember watching he's coming back for the roast battle so that's his return to roasting i think giraldo was in that one well i remember talking to greg afterwards i said what was wrong with it he goes well you know i don't know none of none of none of chevy's friends were there and he wouldn't take his sunglasses off, and so you couldn't really connect with him.

And I go, what was he like before the show when you met him? He goes, well, I didn't meet him. I go, oh, well, that's the problem. Like when I produce the roast, there's a dinner the night before, or we all have lunch before the show, and we look at each other, and we shake hands and become humans to each other just acknowledge each other before the roast it's like how kids shake hands after a game or before a game or whatever i mean how you never even met him your first time you met him was when

you started making fun of him at the podium yeah i go that's a poorly produced show yeah and that that could have at least helped that show you've mastered the roast a guy or girl for eight minutes and then at the end somehow after you've been killing them killing with that said you've been a hero of mine for the last 30 years and it's been an honor to roast you and then you come in for the hug meanwhile they're like just bleeding from nine different places that That's where it comes from, Bill. It's affectionate. I only roast the ones I love.

God. Pete, I mean, it does feel like the roasts are getting meaner and meaner to the point that you become a little desensitized. Like, poor Pete Davidson. He goes in any of these now, and it's just like you know the 9-11 dad stuff is just going to come in waves.

I don't like that. To me, that was too much. I'm hard to offend. Hard to. But I don't think getting Pete. I think, you know, we did a roast of Justin Bieber, and Pete made a joke about his dad passing away on 9-11. I also made one, but I did it for shock value once. And Pete even knew I was going to do it i never tip

people off but if it's about your dead parent you're 21 years old i tipped him off said how do you feel about this he's like i love it it's great my dad would love it it's great do it but then the next year like everyone is like emulating or imitating what i did and trying to like rally and i'm like no no no yeah no you know it's not what we get Pete Davidson on about the fact that he's ugly can we just do that for Pete for a while and his mom's in the audience you don't have to bring up 9-11 every time Pete Davidson's

there it's just not cool so in the roast battle yeah the two competitors have to exchange information with each other they don't have to exchange information with one each other they don't have to but it's it's it's it's a good idea it's almost like countries it's like us exchanging secrets with russia it's almost better than to give up some secrets to get some back right so like pat barker was saying like he had some very sensitive um his wife had had a miscarriage right put that in his you know in his whatever information he gave him

to get some back. Wow, that's brave. And then, of course. So he's trying to get sympathy in a weird way for his experience. I don't know what the strategy was. I would not be telling people. But I think that's what they do, though.

How does his wife feel about that? I think she's okay. She must be okay. They must check with it, right? What was more embarrassing, the miscarriage or the fact that he's making jokes about it on Comedy Central? Oh, I thought you were going to say something else. That was a better one. Well, he did.

I don't think it was on Comedy Central. Oh. But he was just, so when he was telling us this, I was so fascinated by, so wait a second, like all the terrible things, all all your secrets you have to tell the other person he seemed to think oh now you're holding now you're holding the mic this is great nobody's done this in a pod you actually pulled the the thing out hey i'll be here all week this is good work in the room what's his name taint i get you a picture of this a taint work in the i take a picture of this Nobody's ever grabbed the mic and pulled it off

Well I'm in it for the long haul here What else you got Simmons Tell me the roast battle Who's the favorite You know there's an interesting competition for this next tournament Yeah Who's the up and comer The hot up and comer and who's the favorite

Here's two of the favorites because I talk to a lot of people. Two of the favorites are the two guys who consistently win in New York and L.A. There's a guy in New York named Zach Amico. Okay. Weird-looking guy. You would never know him if it wasn't for Roast Battle. A-plus joke writer and a good target as well.

He's just a weird-looking dude, very into wrestling. All the top Roast Battlers are big wrestling fans usually and makes sense yeah and there's a guy out here called alex hooper who keeps winning and winning and winning he does different characters he's a great joke writer he's weird looking dude super funny nice guy so i think those are two favorites because they do it a lot and anytime you do it a lot i think that makes you great at it right and um a couple veterans todd barry mentioned is doing it which i think is a great booking he's been busting my balls for my entire career now he has he thinks he has what it takes to come into my dojo and roast battle we'll see how that goes that'd be exciting jessica curson i don't know if

you know her super Super funny lady. Big, big, ballsy woman from New York. She's in the comedian movie that I co-wrote. Yeah,

I was going to ask you about that. She's super funny and she's in it. Kurt Metzger writes on Amy Schumer's show and other stuff. Super funny guy. And the regular roast battlers

from the different cities. It's going to be super brutal. Biggest celebrity judge you have? This time around? Yeah. We're not all booked yet. We're still booking the finals. But Sarah Silverman's confirmed.

Snoop Dogg's confirmed. A couple other people I don't want to say yet. Okay. Yeah, it's going to be super. Jezzel Neck's coming back. Whitney Cummings is going to do it this time. I want people with roast cred to judge. I don't want to be willy-nilly about it.

I don't want great roasters to get dismissed. I want the roasting and the writing to be recognized. So we try to get people who have some tie to the roast. I think Jeselnik, who I've always been a fan of, after somebody actually wins roast battle, it should be like a video game, where after you win the video game there's like the secret easter egg person waiting that you also have to beat

and jeslin it just comes out that would be good because jeslin neck would be i mean this is like perfect for him he's i would say he would be the if if you're doing a draft a league a roast battle league and he was available he would be my number one draft pick. I think it's hard to argue with that. He's super great at this stuff. He's a five-two player, Jeff. And he might have been our best judge in the first round. He really breaks it down, and he's funny. He probably was the only one who wasn't stoned.

Don't be so sure. All right. Comedian. You co-wrote this. More importantly, you got to work with De Niro. The comedian. Comes out in February the comedian

yeah comes out right after Roast Battle and there's a huge roast scene in it too it's unclear whether De Niro likes you or not

this has been a big topic of obsession for Jimmy and Sal because De Niro was on Jimmy's show saw that and didn't really seem to sell

the Jeff Ross friendship very well. Right. And now we're wondering if he detests you. You know, we had a good talk after that. You and De Niro did? We hugged it out. We're good.

Was he mad at you? No. You don't want De Niro mad at you. That guy knows people. It wasn't that he was mad at me. It's that his buddy was in the green room who's mad at me. Oh. So he got a little thrown by Jimmy. What do you mean his buddy was mad at me is that his buddy was in the green room who's mad at me oh so he got a little thrown by

jimmy what do you mean his buddy was mad at you yeah you know i don't want to get too into it but it was a not an easy project gotcha and i wrote this movie seven years ago and they finally made it and they did a good job and people have worked on it since i worked on it so i think deniro was protecting that a little bit. Did he think you were taking too much credit? I haven't taken any credit. I got credit. You just said you wrote it.

Well, I co-wrote it with this guy. And I got credit. I got paid. And it's actually a pretty good movie. Is De Niro going to have you whacked? That would be a great way to end my roasting career. He's like, hey, I got you some suits. No, no, over there, a little further.

Go down to the right. They invited me to the Egyptian theater. The AFI, American Film Institute, had a screening. And Taylor Hackford, the director, invited me. And he made me and the other writer take a bow together, which was a nice kind of bonding thing. And I saw Bob afterwards, De Niro. You called him Bob?

I told him how great he was in the role. And we had sort of an emotional reconnection about it. We worked really hard on it together. We worked for a long time together. But we didn't talk to each other during the process the last couple of years. When did you get to call him Bob? Was it right away or was it a little bit later? I called himself Bob,

so I didn't know what else to do. Okay. I still have a bunch of voicemails. And we had a good time. We went to the Comedy Cellar and we went to the Friars Club. We worked in his office. He has a very open mind and collaborative mind.

He's an amazing actor and I learned a lot doing it. But you have no good De Niro stories. Doesn't seem like anyone has good De Niro stories. He's just a very quiet guy, right? I remember he was describing the character and all the comedians he likes. He's like, oh, how do you see this Jackie Burke character? He's like, you know, Jeff, how you do the roasts

and you zets, you slam everybody in the room, you go after everybody. He goes, this character, I want him to slam everybody. But you know how you say something nice at the end? This guy doesn't say the nice part at the end. I was like, oh, okay, I get the character. Wow, so he must have studied you on YouTube. Well, he'd been to the roast. He was at that Jerry Lewis roast I told you,

and his wife's a big comedy fan. And then I remember he loves Jackie Leonard. I remember I took him to the Friars Club. It was a tribute to Mickey Freeman, who was in Sergeant Bilko. He had just passed away, Mickey Freeman. And I brought Bob because I knew he loves the old comedians. We were researching his role.

And I remember Larry Storch was in the lobby. And Bob said, can you introduce me to Larry Storch? I was like, sure. He's available. Larry comes over. And Bob De Niro starts launching into a Larry Storch stand-up bit from the 40s or 50s. Like, De Niro has a photographic memory. It was pretty amazing.

And he must actually like comedy because he did this with king of comedy in the early 80s which is about a comedian so he must have some sort of comedian actually yeah this is like if the king of comedy is about an unfunny guy who can't get arrested literally has to get arrested who has to kidnap somebody to get on tv then this movie the comedian Jackie Burke De Niro's character plays a comedian who's hilarious but he's burned every bridge he can't get work

he plays sort of a comedian at the end of his career be like me if I just pissed everybody off and kind of stopped developing as a person like 20 years from now? yeah that's kind of what it is I think you're developing. I don't know how you can lose more hair.

But other parts are developing. You're still taking some swings. I'm still... No, I'm saying if I didn't. Right. Yeah, it's a hypothetical. I'm trying to hypothetically wonder what that part of your career would look like. It would probably look pretty bleak.

De Niro plays a very lonely character in the movie and leslie man uh plays a love interest in the movie and i do think it's like she does an oscar-winning performance she's so good in it we uh i remember we talked about this a few years ago about the the bond that comedians have and you feel it every time a comedian dies it comes out and it's the brotherhood slash sisterhood of the comedians it's it's weirdly like pro wrestling a little bit you guys are on the road all the time you only you only understand the other you only understand each other basically nobody from the outside world can even figure out what's going on. It's really fascinating.

I don't know what to make of it. I'm part jealous of it and part fascinated by it. I feel like I'm a comedian before I'm anything else. It's weird. I never really maybe articulated it before, but I feel like I'm a comedian before I'm Jewish, before I'm an American, before I'm from New Jersey. I would say you're Jewish first.

But I just feel like that's the thing. It's like, you know, if a comedian was running for president, I'd have to vote for, well, I guess I didn't, but. I saw what you did there. Yeah, I remember when Sarah was dating Jimmy and she'd just be, you know, he'd be at his house I saw what you did there. Yeah, I remember when Sarah was dating Jimmy,

and she'd just be at his house, and all of a sudden she'd just get up and leave because she had some 12-minute set. Of course. She'd get in the car, go, and then she'd be back an hour later. I was like, that's crazy. She was just sitting here. Now she's going to go randomly in front of 175 people or whatever it is, 10 minutes then go back but

i guess you reach a point where it's almost like eating no i think playing golf or all these other things well you know i don't know i mean sarah takes it seriously she doesn't truly relax until her set is over yeah so there's that no i'm not saying she didn't take it seriously. I was amazed that, I guess I'm amazed how you can go from one world to another so seamlessly. Sometimes it's hard. Like when I walk off stage or before I go on stage, if somebody starts talking to me about negative shit or whatever, I have a hard time right before and after. Buddy Hackett taught me to turn my phone off an hour before the show and just sort of, you owe it to yourself

and your audience to focus on that night. You don't want to get any bad news right before you go on. Right. You don't want to find out your uncle just died

right before you go on. He'll still be dead when you get off stage. You know, you don't need, you know, you gotta, you gotta sort of commit

and be all in when you go out there. I remember that time when you went out to perform right after aunt antique died, but you knew. Sal told me to bring up aunt antique.

She said, Sal said she was so old, her vagina had mice. Rest in peace. You know, Sal likes to bring up the passing of my aunt. I don't, I don't find any humor in it.

She was 104 years old. We called her Aunt Teek. Wait, Aunt Teek was real? Yes. Or that was your nickname for her? Both. Oh, I thought Aunt Teek was like a running joke for you. Her name wasn't really Teek.

Oh, I didn't know Aunt Teek was real. No. Yes, of course. So that was your nickname for her, Aunt Teek. Aunt Teek. She had a sister, Aunt Sester, who's still alive. She's 135 at this point. What's going on with you romantically?

What do you want to know? I don't know. Who are you dating? Not dating anyone steady right now. Definitely looking for that. You dabbled in, there were celebrities you were dating at one point? Sure. You're always up to stuff you know i just haven't found the right person but i definitely want to i would definitely

love to settle down and find somebody and love is rare hard to find did your recent celebrity relationship come out because i don't want to bring it up if it didn't okay i have some questions if you want to talk about it as long as you don't say who it is I'm fine with questions but I'd really rather not that's not very fun

if I don't say who it is I'd really rather not bring her into this how many dates did you guys have I don't know a couple months a couple months

yeah and it never came out no alright I'm not gonna say who it is people have to it's not my style to kiss and tell

what's your next like hour long comedy central special that's a great question No. All right, I'm not going to say who it is. People have to. It's not my style to kiss and tell. You have to figure it out. What's your next hour-long Comedy Central special? That's a great question. I'm trying to figure that out. I did The Jail. Then I did Roasted Cops. You can see both of those online. You went into Boston. A lot of Tom Brady jokes, in your honor.

I know. Boston cops have a weird relationship with the Patriots. I asked a Boston cop, I said, what would Tom Brady have to do to get arrested? I said, if Tom Brady were kicking a kitten down the street, would you arrest him? He said he would arrest the kitten for getting in the way of Tom Brady's foot.

Boston cops are the best. See, I would have told you to make more Dunkin' Donuts jokes. I made a lot Okay I wind up not using That many in the show Yeah But they do

They do run on Dunkin up there They don't They totally do So you don't know What the next one is I've been dabbling With a couple ideas If you have a good idea

I'm all ears Don't do the thing Where you decide To get super political With your next Hour long special I would wait on that one Have I ever done that

No But I mean The climate The way it is right now Maybe something With the troops super political with your next hour long special i would wait on that one have i ever done that no i'm but i mean you know the climate the way it is right now maybe something with the troops i just came back i was in iraq over christmas and i was thinking that that would have been a good a good that's been you've been well you did that that was your documentary that's a long time ago i'm a better comic now and the situation there is different and you know i don't know there's something there and there's a lot of comedy there you go to missoula or fallujah there's definitely some tension and when you can break that with jokes and penetrate somebody's kevlar vest to make them laugh it's interesting so i don't know all right the roast master did that. Then I saw Trump in Palm Beach playing golf.

Did I tell you about that? No. I was going to say goodbye to you, but let's hear it. Oh. No, I want to hear the story now. I thought we were done. And I was like, you know, he waved and I said hi. And I just come back from Iraq and I go to tell him about my trip and the soldiers in Iraq.

He's like, how is it? A mess over there? Anyway, how do you think Arnold's going to do on Celebrity Apprentice? He's like, okay. Should be interesting, four years. Yeah, I said, well, actually, they asked me to do it. He's like, oh, better off not doing it. Good move.

He asked me if I play golf. I said, no. You made our friend daniel callison mad you did an instagram post oh yeah you do a picture he commented underneath sal of course was delayed everybody got cody points yeah you know i mean to me you know he's the president i didn't support him but he knows that but this is life is life. We have to be real. And you need him for season three of Roast Battle for the final episode. We got to roast him again. I mean, roasted him twice.

I've got to roast him again. Oh, that's right. I forgot to ask you about that. Of course. It did come out that the one thing that he asked everybody not to roast him about was being poor or bankrupt. No, he didn't ask us not to roast him about it, but he didn't like when we did. I thought he said beforehand, stay away from me.

I didn't get that. I didn't hear that. Okay. No, it was more like, you know, if you want to make him laugh, that's not the thing to make him laugh about. But of course we all made those jokes. How could you not?

What's the right move when you're getting roasted? Lay back and take it. It's like getting molested. And just laugh? Definitely editing that out come on taint's editing that out right now you're the one who said roasting still a safe place it's the only safe place left well you when people die you're doing the roasted peace tweets you have to if we don't laugh we cry bill do you get negative feedback from that yes you should see the ones i don't post sometimes it's hard what was the george michael one

that one killed me he died peacefully surrounded by seven supermodels no i thought his final words were don't wake me up before you go go i love george michael oh man please if anything happens to me you have my permission to roast in peace. By the way, 2017's been boring. I really wish a celebrity would die already. That's been 10 days. What's going on, everybody? Come on. I thought it was fascinating.

Everybody thought the end of the year, because so many had died, we were going to end with a bang. And then the last one was Father Carmichael from MASH. We just went out very peacefully, with like a weird religious kind of interesting celebrity feel which I thought was strange right at the end he squeaked in he's just a little tiny one

at the end amazing 2017 I don't think I don't think it's even conceivable to match as many celebrity deaths as we had

can't even half as many right there's also there's not a lot of 80s icons left in 70s like

think about all the music icons we've lost. I guess you're right. Michael Jackson's gone. Prince is gone. George Michael's gone. I mean, we still have Elton John, Billy Joel, people like that left. Elton John's still alive? Elton John's barely alive, yeah.

He's still in Vegas. Wow. I saw Billy Joel. I mean, he's the size of a piano, man. I hope he doesn't have a heart attack. Man, too many scenes from an Italian restaurant. Can you do a one-minute roast of Tate now that you're heated up? Tate, what are you doing over there on the computer all the entire podcast?

He's typing something. He's typing stuff. He's typing. Probably a resume. Can I get a window seat on Delta? What are you doing over there? Taking notes. He's taking notes. He's taking notes like, I have to edit out that one part where Jeff said this.

Oh, come on. Let it go, bud. Come on. It's all right. Yeah, maybe we'll just keep everything. I'll put a little disclaimer in the beginning. What's the disclaimer? I don't know.

TVMA? You're the one who cursed, not me. You said the S word shit way before I said a word. That's true. We haven't had a lot of cursing in this one. Yeah, I'm not dirty. I just go for it. Don't play boo.

There's nothing worse than people tuning in to your podcast and they go, Jeff Ross held back. That would be awful. That's not the feedback you want. Yeah, I'm not. Jeff Ross watered down for an hour after this. We won't take anything out. Dude, we're good, buddy. Just don't wake me up before you go-go.

Who's going to get offended by that? You'd always be surprised. Linda Evangelistaista whoever was in that video people don't even get that joke it's so old uh all right jeff ross simmons this was a lot of fun please invite me to one of the roast battles i want you to come and we're shooting them 2020 if you go to roastbattletickets.com you can sign up and come to the live tapings so if any of your fans want to actually come to the roast battles you can do that too otherwise i want to cover it like it's like the nfl playoffs or something god i would love that kind of feel in a way that it is

i think i could get there let's work something out i love everything you do though i mean i i love the burn i still have it in my season pass really yeah even i deleted that shit sometimes i leave i leave the shows i like in the season pass like what's gonna happen it's not like it's stealing whatever it was a great show i thought it was a good idea for a show i liked it yeah it was ahead of its time i think yeah but luckily roast battle came and roast battle is the i think a smarter way to do it and i also like the pumping it out so it's like four days in a row, things like that. You like the event style. Oh, yeah. People complain about that.

No, it's smart. They go, by the time it's on, it's over and we missed it. No, it's smart. And also, if you place it in the right weekends, like you're doing with this one, where it's basically between the round three of the playoffs and the Super Bowl, there's nothing that weekend. It's smart. I think this is going to be so cool. 16 comics going head to head, mic to mic.

We're calling it the war of the words. The war of the words. Roast Battle 2. Roast Battle 2, war of the words. We have a seat of honor for you, Bill Simmons. I'm excited for it. Jeff Ross, a pleasure as always.

Thanks, pal. All right, thanks again to SeatGeek. Please download their free SeatGeek app to buy and sell tickets on your phone and tell them we sent you. Thanks to Channel 33. That's where you can find my latest episode of my Sports Movie Hall of Fame series. We did any given Sunday. Check it out.

Subscribe to that. Thanks to TheRinger.com. That's where you can find my Friday column. There's a 99.9% chance it's going to be about the NFL playoffs. Thanks to Mike Lombardi. Thanks to Jeff Ross. Don't forget, roast battle coming up. And thanks to Pearl Jam.

Go to pearljam.com to find out about PJ25. It's their big anniversary. Thanks to Tate Frazier. Listen to his podcast, Teed Up with Mark Titus. They talk college hoops. All right, play us out, Eddie. I want to see them on the way so I never say I don't have feelings with them. On the wayside, on the way so I never say I don't have feelings with them.