The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 18: Week 9 NFL w/ Cousin Sal

Episode Date: November 2, 2015

HBO's Bill Simmons guesses Week 9 NFL lines, toys with Raiders’ playoff candidacy, discusses Jameis Winston’s NFL cohort and consoles Cousin Sal after his awful weekend in sports. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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because they were nice enough to give me my own television show that launches next spring. Thank you, HBO. If you didn't know you don't need cable or satellite to watch HBO anymore, just download the HBO Now app and start your free one month trial today alright Sal I pictured you

rolling last night and uh I pictured you just being sad doing that thing you do where you're just kind of moping. You probably stayed up until, what, 3 in the morning? Yeah. Just surfed online, read Twitter, blog posts. Cowboys lose.

You lost too many games in the Cowboys, but that wasn't even the bad part. The Mets, a haunting series. Are you okay? It was all so bad i know i clean up really nicely so you can't tell but this is the worst off i am physically and mentally that i think you've ever seen me but uh and it's it's sleep deprivation as a part of it just you can go back to this series is so excruciating but after that saturday night game the mets blow that game and then uh the halloween game the halloween game and then then you know i go to bed i'm like 37 mini almond joys in and

then i wake up early all right we got the hour back with the yeah but i stupidly picked the chiefs as my best bet i mean it ended up winning but i had to wake up and watch the game it was just such a long day and like as you say the cowboys they lose in miserable fashion then i get like a 15 minute respite before the the mets and um yeah it's brutal baseball is the cruelest of all i think it's the worst because it's long and it's tense and yeah it's almost like uh there's relief if you win but if you lose it feels a hundred times worse than it does if you win. Oh, yeah. And the 2-3-2 hurts the fans the most.

You can make an argument, oh, which team? But to have to endure three games in three nights is just, it's asking too much. It really is. Is it fair to say if three plays go differently, you could have won the series in five? Well, I think, you know, obviously the worst predicament is if you're a better team and you lose to the team that that's as a fan you can't take that but i think the royals were better than the mets i did i did too but really across the board they were probably better than the mets but but to blow four eight you know we had four uh out of five games we had a lead in

the eighth inning that's we could have won all of them. Yeah. Well, all right, so a couple of things. One is that you're not winning the World Series unless you're seven, eight, nine guys or lights out. But Familia was great this season. You said on the podcast, maybe I'll have Tate insert it after we finish. Don't do it, Tate. Don't do it.

You said, my biggest fear is Familia in game one on a bigger stage. What's your biggest fear? I'm afraid Familia is going to get exposed in game one. Oh, you're deep down worried about Familia? Yeah. Interesting. How come? I don't know why.

Too much intensity? A little too much. He's been overworked and everything. I love him, but I think that could end the series if he gets exposed in game one. And he gives up the homer to Gordon, which I guess I watch baseball.

I'm always trying to think, what's the craziest thing that could happen here? I never thought Gordon was going to hit a homer. I thought he might get a double or a single. Just tagged it. Yeah, and like you said, you set it up for me like what's your biggest fear i said familia being exposed in game one which is ridiculous thing to say because he had like 21 straight saves yeah stupid but and then it just it just fell over domino effect you were deep down you worried about collins

yeah who did a couple i think saturday night he screwed he screwed up. I think, like, you know, Clippard putting him in there. We had seen enough of Clippard Mets fans have for the last two months to know when he doesn't have it. So one batter, and that's it for him. You know, it's bad that we didn't have a lefty, a good lefty to come out of the pen, and that's what the Royals have,

and that's the difference. But, yeah, I think Collins, Murphy was going to be the GOAT for that game, but I think it was Collins for Saturday. So what are your feelings about murphy right now conflicted i don't know i mean you don't get there if he doesn't do all the stuff i know it's really weird as weird as it was his streak just the fact that he disappeared and played uh bad news bear style defense and and the latter games of the series just killed us. I don't think we've re-signed him. I thought he was under contract.

Huh? Oh, he's a free agent? Yeah, I think he's gone. So the homer to Gordon in game one. Yeah. And then even like the 14 inning game, you lose that one. Right. You never feel good about the series after that.

It reminded me a little bit of the Bruins and the Oilers in 1990 lose that one right just you never feel good about the series after that because it's almost it reminded me a little bit of the bruins and the oilers in 1990 when we lost a triple overtime game in game one i just felt like this series was over after we lost they had to beat us three more times and it just felt like it was over and then uh so game two de grom has to win that game i feel like he can't sit he's just come in and throw a three hitter he doesn't bad yeah but you win game three which is good but then you need a game four to be one of those where you shifted the momentum karma in some way and i don't care what people say about momentum it exists in baseball yeah it really does and when murphy made and i was like you know we have a million people coming to our house for halloween i'm and people are made in the door and i'm coming in and out watching the game yeah and i missed the murphy era live but i caught like a minute

and a half afterwards and they're showing the fans like this and they're showing and i was like oh god something happened like you could just feel it and i rewound and it was there and i was like wow they're gonna lose like baseball it's like a play like that happens you just know you just know you're screwed you can't come back but then you think like rios thinks there's two outs the third out and then we we tag up and darn it we score yeah you know like all right maybe oh wow that plays don't happen in winning teams like that either so i know i was going back and forth and i was texting with your our friend gus last night he's like i'm not even gonna be happy if we win this game last night, he's saying.

He's like, I'm so mad at this team. I know. Don't worry about it because we're not going to win. Well, I actually disagree with you about the Royals being better. I actually thought they were pretty even. And the Mets just kept making dumb plays. Maybe that's a symptom of who they are. The Royals never, like the Hosmer play was symbolic of how that Royals team played.

They were just balls to the wall every time. Yeah, I understand. And I tweeted about it. But I think that's a bonehead play. He's out by, let me show you the screen grab. Oh, no, I saw it. When the ball passed the catcher. He wasn't even in the screen when the ball was hitting the catcher.

Right, he's not in the frame at all. And I just have to show you this, whatever I got here. Oh, it's bad. But yeah, the game's over. Can we say that was one of the worst throws by a first baseman above the high school level ever? So bad. He missed it. That's 15 feet.

Oh, my God. That's not five feet. That's 15 feet he's out by. But he's basically banking on the first baseman screwing up, right? You know what it is? You're not going to like this, but it's the equivalent of Belichick letting the clock go down to nothing because, oh, this is such a screwed up thing. Maybe it'll make Pete Carroll call the wrong play because he's not expecting it.

Why wouldn't I like that? I love that you brought up Belichick. That made me happy. I know. I have a little soft boner right now. It was a terrible play. Yeah, it was. The Royals were just better.

But I don't think that from a talent standpoint, that was much different. Well, when you're better like that, the other team can't make mental mistakes. And that's all the Mets were. We're mental errors the whole way. I'd love to go back through every World Series in the last 30 years and just say,

whoever had the best closer, I wonder what the record was in the series it really is amazing like i didn't feel like you were gonna hit wade davis right when he came in yesterday i was like they're not gonna get him it's funny because the highlights they'll show is accuracy giving up the home run the kirk true and they'll show kim so there's an example arizona although rivero was better but came on arizona giving up the home runs to the Yankees. Right. So there's a couple. Yeah.

But did you feel like that was a World Series championship team? The Mets? Yeah. Oh, you're going to say they weren't? I don't know. I'm asking honestly. Did you feel like that was a championship team? Because I don't know.

I didn't watch them enough. No, I don't know. Going into the playoffs, I thought anyone in the NL Central was better. Pittsburgh, St. Louis, and Chicago. But then when our young guns have 10 strikeouts through four innings, like, wow, maybe no one could touch us. I like Sindergaard, too. I like that he did the high hard run early.

That would have been nice. That was good. And then he talked shit about it. He's like, it's my plate. You have a problem with it? I'm 60 feet away that's what i was looking forward to game seven i told you this already but hench and i had hasmer for the first four years in that stupid league of dorks we're in and he was disappointing for the first three right and we kept talking we just kept waiting and then finally the last two months he started come on and then it felt like this attachment to him much in the playoffs it was like some kid you rooted for in your high school or something.

I thought he was messy in the playoffs. It wasn't just the hits and all the stuff he did and some of the plays he made, but you watched that dugout. He's so intense. Baseball players aren't intense like that anymore. In fact, there was an emotion that emanated from him that i don't know it kind of set the tone for them it seemed like and perez too it seemed like those were the two leaders of that team yeah good why don't you and hosmer get a room and i'll be fine do you feel

like is this a missed window or is this the like the royals last year came damn close young team almost there and they kind of just couldn't get it done. Made a couple, shot themselves in the foot a couple times. It seemed like that helped them for this year. This year they were mentally ready and they kept coming back, coming back. So why can't that be the Mets? They signed Zobrist and Moralt. I mean, they had some additions too, but I think we're going to lose Murphy.

I hope we re-sign Cespedes, you know, provided his leg doesn't get amputated after that foul. I mean, that was so much bigger. So that's the fourth play. Yeah, that was a huge play. That was so much bigger. Bases loaded, no outs. Huge play. Come out with one run.

I didn't think of anything of it at the time because, whatever, you know, we're winning and we're just going to keep winning. But, yeah, that foul ball off the knee that ended up in left field somehow, it was huge. First of all, that play, that specific foul ball happens twice a year. Right. Like throughout the entire league. Where a right-handed hitter is somehow foul ball against his kneecap. It's like the physics are impossible.

Right. And then it screwed up his at-bat. I actually, you could argue they should have taken him out. I think they should have. He couldn't stand on his leg. Well, if he hits a ground ball, it's a double play for sure. And obviously, they took him out. They didn't play the field a couple outs later.

Were there a lot of times during that series where you just looked over and saw Ned Yost and you were like, this is going to be fine. Ned Yost is there. He's going to screw this up for us. I thought so. But we have an even Yostier Yost in our clubhouse. I didn't love what I saw from Collins.

No, I felt bad for him last night. I think Harvey, he's going to take a lot of crap for that. But I would have left Harvey in exactly as long as he did. I would have, too. I didn't like, what was the, didn't he pitch for Million in Game 3? Yeah. I didn't like that at all. That's the crazy thing.

These managers get so caught up. Have your closer like that at all. That's the crazy thing. And these managers get so caught up and like, have your closer start the eighth. You know? Who cares? Just get the win. You have to win. There's four more games you have to win. Just win that day.

You know? And it's like, and everyone's like, well, he should have started the eighth. I'm like, well, he pitched the night. It didn't matter that he pitched the night before. Collins just wouldn't have had him start the eighth. And then he says, he's like, no, well, we had he pitched the night before. Collins just wouldn't have had him start the eighth. And then he says, no, we had him pitch the night before in a freaking 9-3 game. Really? That's why he didn't put Familia in the eighth? That makes me sick.

I'm never a fan of managers changing what they do during the regular season in the playoffs dramatically. Right. It's just a bad track record. I don't like it. I don't mind when you feel like our season turns on this moment and I need to bring my closer in now. But in general, I think closers are like dogs.

My dogs, around 4.30 every afternoon, they start kind of getting a little energy and looking around because at 5 they get fed. It's weird, but I feel like closers are like dogs. They're just used to a routine. And once you knock them out of that, it gets wonky. Maybe I'm overthinking it. My dog just cropped all over the living room.

I know. So what happens to Familia? He's only 25. He'll be fine. Yeah, he'll be around. Did it bother you that they had a whole conversation about how Edison Volquez was suddenly throwing 96 miles an hour? And it was

unironic no last night oh yeah the announcer's like if Volquez usually he's 92 93 he's been 96 this month which is great for him I was like oh okay yeah there's just too much let's leave that one on the table so um you're you're okay I could tell you're hurt you're not like just like I said you know do you want to watch Blood Diamond after the podcast? It's really funny. Did you see they changed the Wikipedia page? What do you mean? For the Blood Diamond, the actual movie.

It said, made Cousin Sal cry. Yeah. That's hilarious. That shouldn't be allowed. Do you feel like the Cowboys are alive? Yeah, now we shift to the Cowboys. We shift to the Cowboys. It's horrific.

Are you alive? Why aren't you alive? Why are you alive? That division sucks. What do you mean? Can you go 9-7? Can you go 9-7? What game are we going to win the rest of the week? When does Roma come back?

Our two easy games were the Jets and Dolphins, and all of a sudden they're okay, you know? And Tampa, who won yesterday. Go ahead. Tampa didn't look bad. Actually, that was one of the—I knew it was going to happen. I had a really good first seven weeks. I knew I was i actually that was one of the i i got abs i i knew it was gonna happen i had a really good first seven weeks i knew i was getting a crush one of these weeks but that was one of the games i was way off on tampa should have won in regulation yeah

controversial controversial fourth and one with atlanta with no timeouts to sneak to go for the win which i i liked but it didn't work so then i I didn't like it. No, I didn't mind that. But why did he wait five seconds to decide where he was going to take the ball? It wasn't great. Yeah. And I also thought it was closer than the spot they gave him. All right. Here's how I know if you've given up on the Cowboys season or not.

Every year you go back for a game. Yeah. Are you still going back for a game? So you haven't given up yet. Yeah, it's in December. But do the Cowboys play Romo if they're 2-7? Well, if they're not going to play him, can't we add him to our Monday podcast?

Why can't he be the third host? Can't we call him? Yeah, we can get him on. But 9-7, I guess 9-7 could still win the division. I thought the play when the Seattle guy got annihilated on the punt, it was weird. It affected the punt. Yeah. It was weird. It affected the momentum of the game. Right.

In a way. It just, the game was really disjointed anyway. And then there was like this 20 minute break where it seemed like Lockett was either dead or paralyzed. And when that, that guy's going to get probably suspended for a game for that hit. They're trying to eliminate those hits.

They're making it like the Cowboys treated it poorly. What was Dez Bryant yelling about? Which time? During that whole hiatus. All of a sudden, he started pointing at Seahawks and yelling at him. It's too much to keep up with Dez Bryant. Now he's got a pet monkey that Pete is furious.

He needs to give it up. Maybe that was it. He's got a baby monkey. I support any situation where Dez Bryant made Peter furious. There you go. We have a Thursday night game. Six teams off this week, Bill. Can you tell us the six?

It's Arizona. It's Baltimore, Detroit, and Kansas City. The two London teams, Seattle and Houston. Wow. I'm going to really miss watching that exciting and electric Texans team. Yeah. Yeah, only one afc south team in there but um so i like the london games by the way i know we talk about this they should be one every week like the thursday night game every nfl team has to play eventually on a thursday night they should do the same thing with london maybe put one in spain too

i don't really don't mind anything that uh unclutters the sunday eight pack of uh early nfl games well with that said the thursday games i just don't see how these guys i know we've talked about it 700 times i don't see how these guys can play on a sunday and then play football again on a Thursday. Right. Like even in soccer, they try to space it out so the guys don't have to play that close together. And yet in football, we're trying to kill each other the whole time. I don't know. Why wouldn't it do better on Friday anyway?

You think Friday? Yeah, why not? Isn't there some sort of rule they don't do that on a Friday? What kind of rule? I thought they had an understanding with the high school football people oh is that what it is okay well there's college games on friday i don't know all right uh thursday night cincinnati at home against the cleveland browns are you since he just keeps selling it and they want us to buy it they're a different team they fight back yeah andy dalton's a different guy came back against seattle throws a pick in pittsburgh looks like old school andy dalton again comes back wins the game i made the joke

that he accidentally he accidentally turned his clock forward to january after that pick because i think that's a good one the The Bengals were my best bet. And I think I am buying it. I think I am. I think their defense is rock solid. Good defense. You know what? Dalton is not a lot asked of him.

He does that pitch and catch thing with the giant A.J. Green and goes for four or six yards most of the time. I don't mind them. I don't mind them. I mean, they're third best NFL team behind Broncos and Patriots, but they're a solid third. I guess the difference with them this year from the other years is that it seems like they really can protect him now.

And we've talked about this before, but I don't mind him when he has time. I mean, every quarterback's better with time, but in his case, if you're pressuring him, he just looks like a mess. But the one thing I don't understand is, I don't understand why they don't throw to the tight end more. Because I'm a fan of Steen. It just seems like he should be open 10 times a game. They always go to A.J. Green.

So then it's like, well, how does A.J. Green beat Pittsburgh around the goal line when that's the one guy Dalton always relies on? I didn't like the game Pittsburgh played at all. And then Bell's like, well, how does A.J. Green beat Pittsburgh around the goal line when that's the one guy Dalton always relies on? I didn't like the game Pittsburgh played at all. And then Bell gets hurt. Maybe that screws them up. There was a lot going on there. Bell got hurt, and Big Ben threw for three interceptions. I think people expected great things from him.

He was still hobbling on his first game back. Yeah, he did not like the same. He could have also thrown five or six interceptions. There were a lot of double coverage passes in there. There was, Kaepernick threw one pass yesterday that got tipped by a ram, and then three rams converged on it, and all of them touched it, and it went incomplete. And I don't think I've ever seen a pass get touched by four defenders before. So congratulations, Colin Kaepernick.

He really did well. And they didn't even know about it because he had his headphones on. That's right. And they made him take it off to tell him. So I have the Bengals by nine in this game. And it's weird. The Browns actually looked competent for a big chunk of that, I guess the first two and a half quarters of that game. And then all of a sudden the cards were up.

Two touchdowns and it was over. We're going to split this. I said nine and a half. Oh, no, I get this. You said nine. I said nine and a sudden the cards were up. Two touchdowns and it was over. We're going to split this. I said 9.5. Oh, no, I get this. You said 9. I said 9.5. It's 10. So I get this one.

And I agree with you. I meant to look up the Browns' first half stats. In my mind, they've covered their 8-0 in the first half and then fall apart in the third quarter. In my mind. I forgot to look. And now they have two guys in the secondary with concussions it could be downhill well and they also they allegedly they're a big

trade deadline candidate yeah they have some dudes thomas hayden yeah i'm i'm hoping that they make some moves because you know lombardi was there for two years right and the pats need a couple things oh that's right's right. Yeah. So maybe. Good offensive lineman in there. Yeah. All right. We can go Sunday. Oakland at Pittsburgh.

Yes. Good game. Really good game. I believe in the Raiders. It was one of the two picks I got right. They can throw the ball. Yeah. They have receivers.

They have a quarterback who can throw deep. Does stuff. Their defense is pretty half decent. And have a quarterback who can throw deep. Does stuff. Their defense is pretty half decent. And they jump on you early, too. I like the Raiders. I think they're a playoff team. If you had to bet your life on the two AFC wildcard teams, wouldn't they be one of the two?

I'm just trying to think of this. Wouldn't it be the Raiders and the Jets? Unless the Jets, the QBs could screw them up. I'd probably go Steelers over Jets. Steelers. So you'd go Steelers-Raiders.. I'd probably go Steelers over Jets. Steelers. So you'd go Steelers-Raiders. I think I'd go Steelers-Raiders. Yeah.

So the Chiefs are gone. They're not going to do anything. The Chiefs are lingering all of a sudden. Didn't we cross them off? No, no, no. We only crossed off six. The Chiefs are three and five. They're kind of...

Yeah. I don't know. If nine and seven gets a wild card... They could do it. No, I think the Raiders are the best of all the teams we just talked about. Steelers, Jets. Should we go Mike and Mad Dog and the rest of their schedule? Go ahead.

All right. Mike, week nine? Oh, no. Do you want to be Mike or Dog? I think I'm the dog. You're Mike. Dog, week nine at Pittsburgh. This is a tough, tough test for them going west to east.

I go Pittsburgh here. Home for Minnesota. Oh, boy, Mike. That's a Super Bowl rematch from when I was a little boy. I played tennis. I played tennis at Von Lender watching this game. I go Minnesota there. At Detroit, at Tennessee.

Nobody's losing to those two teams the rest of the year. Home for the Chiefs. That is, I give it a W there. At Denver. They're not winning that one, dog. They are not winning that one. Mike, I'm holding up a Diet Coke to you. You're right.

You're right. Let's cheers on that. Home for the Packers. Dog, right around the time when Aaron Rodgers gets injured. What week is this, Mike? Week 15. I believe, I believe Djokovic has a tournament that I'm not going to watch that game. That's a loss.

Home for San Diego on a Thursday night. Week 16. That's a win. I like that. I like that spot for them, Mike. Week 17 at Kansas City. Could be wildcat at stake. Wow. No, you're right. I think that's four more wins. You just went out of character.

Oh, I did? Oh, I thought we were done. No. At Kansas City? At Kansas City, yeah. At Kansas City, Mike, that's a great job. You look terrific. You lost 40 pounds. I love it.

It's a win. So you're saying 9-7 or 10-6 for the Raiders? Yeah, I think 9. 9-7? That's going to get it. Wow. That could get it. The Raiders are going to be in the playoffs.

When was the last time the Raiders were in the playoffs? It's been forever, right? So I have a... I don't agree with this line. I'm just trying to factor in where Vegas would set it to try to get an equal amount of gambling on both sides. The Steelers by four and a half. You're going to get it.

It is five. I said six. I went a little heavy there. I love the Raiders. But here's my question. West to east, though. And this is why I're going to get it. It is five. I said six. I went a little heavy there. I love the Raiders. But here's my question. West to East, though. And this is why I won't bet on it. West to East is tough.

West to East and a lot of people blowing a lot of smoke up their buttholes this week, which makes me nervous with young teams. Yeah. They're going to hear for today and tomorrow how great they are. You guys are doing great. You guys are going to make the playoffs. Meanwhile, Roethlisberger, you look terrible. Steeler season's over without Bell I don't I love Bell I thought I think he's either the first

or the second best running back yeah D'Angelo Williams isn't a catastrophe no no they're worst backups yeah like he he'll be able to run for first downs and stuff for them I don't think it kills their season I think it hurts their ceiling as a as a playoff team but i'm trying to analyze this thinking like the steelers defense i was just about to say oh they're really good they're much better than we thought look what they did to bangles they held them under 10 for most of the game but oakland just went up against the jets defense which is as formidable as anybody yeah the west to east might be tough that was a jets game i had been waiting for for a while it seemed improbable that they were going to get through the first two months of the season without their quarterback situation just single-handedly murdering them in a game.

Right. Where the players just get bummed out like, oh my God, we have no chance. We're behind and we have these guys. We're not coming back. Yeah. So, Dan, that's your case for the Jets not making the playoffs. I think that's got to be it. What's the Fitzpatrick injury?

Well, it was his left hand. He came back for a minute. He sadly came back in the last minute. Gino Smith was hurt and he was just like, all right, I'll go back. Right. Yeah. It's more fun to watch Fitzpatrick when you think that he's the ranch hand from The Affair. Because they kind of look alike, but it's but they kind of carry themselves the same way.

You're not watching The Affair? I'm not, I'm not. You know what? I'll tell you what. There was a boner on The Affair last night. What? My son would call a bonus. Oh my God.

They showed a bonus. It was in the old guy's pants. It's a big bonus. It was like, whoa, come on, Showtime. This is what you watched? Yeah, I didn't feel good about it. I didn't want to see a bonus at 11.45 at night. Wow.

Yeah. By the way, I've decided I'm done telling people what I watch on TV. Good, I didn't feel good about it. I didn't want to see a bonus at 11.45 at night. Wow. Yeah. By the way, I've decided I'm done telling people what I watch on TV. Good, I like it. Keep it secret. No, because it's always disappointing. It's like, oh, hey, Narcos was great. The guy who played Escobar was terrific. And then someone says,

you know, HBO had a series where they had like 75 shows of the Pablo Escobar stories. So much better than Narcos. Oh, the guy who played Escobar was so much better. I was like, Oh really? He's feeling adequate. Okay.

All right. Now I have to watch that. Or like whenever you say you watch something, someone else will say, Hey, watch this, this, and this like,

ah, there's just no getting ahead ever. Well, maybe instead of just boycotting it, you should pretend you're watching shows that would make people like do a double take. Yeah. Right.

Just go. I love the CBS stuff. The mentalist was awesome last week. Big theory did it again yeah just be like generic tv guy well i don't really watch cable maybe we make up shows like yeah cbs yeah white shadow reboot the white shadow you see i'm just looking at your post-it here i don't know yeah and that basic instinct remake on fox has been incredible. What? People will search it. Let's keep going. Green Bay at Carolina. What'd you make of Green Bay last night?

Just a fluke bad loss or something worse? That's as fluky as it gets. Right? You can't... 77 passing yards? Or is Green Bay... We touched on it a little bit. They had trouble against the Rams too. We talked about it. Scored under 20 all month. I sounded like Phil Simms there against the Rams, too. We talked about it. They scored under 20 all month. Oh, I sounded like Phil Simms there

for a second. Sal, we talked about that Packers offense and, you know, we talked about when we talked about it that they had trouble against good defenses.

Yeah, you have to remind people when you talked about things. We talked about it. We've been talking about it all week. Yeah. We've been talking about these Packers receivers

all week. We weren't there. We don't care that you and Jim Nance were having private conversations we didn't talk I sky wrote it to you I hired somebody we didn't talk about this but we talked about everything else we should do this at our party well Sal we've been texting about it all week

we've sent texts back and forth like what is this supposed to prove you have a relationship or that you knew ahead of time what is the talk about it the more youchat schematics on the jets defense the better off you are in today's nfl jim we talked about it all week i love having my sacrum massaged right at a thai spa it just feels great and as we talked about it it's just it's the kind of lift i need uh packers i believe in them against not so good defenses and against good defenses i now have some concerns no matter how great rogers is like those receivers weren't

getting open now it's like calvin johnson history against the chiefs who is clearly moving to a different phase of his career he doesn't get separation anymore. And I don't feel like the Packers guys were open. Well, a lot of this is the Lions have a terrible offensive line and Stafford has no time. I know. Sometimes he just looks awful. I would trade for Stafford. You would?

Yeah, I just think he needs a change of scenery. And if you're the Browns or someone, who would? Somebody who had a line. I'd be like, you know know think of all the terrible coaches he's had right he's just had a slew of weird offensive coordinators no game plan he just kind of slings it i would trade for that guy you think he would maybe be a good fit in houston their receivers can catch the ball yeah he needs an offensive line and a receiver and somebody to just kind of build them back up because he looks shot now like now it looks like he's got no confidence i have the packers improbably just because i think vegas

um can get this line i think packers by one and a half in carolina you read it better than i did i had this as a pick i thought about it for a while it's packers by two and a half it was three went down to two and a half i think they just give an extra three points for Rodgers and Packers fans. I guess so. But this defense could shut them down too. Why would they score more than 20 against Carolina? Well, we're taping this on a Monday. We talked about taping this on a Monday.

And we don't know what's going to happen in Panthers-Colts tonight. Right. We kind of do. Well, kind of if don't. But you know what? Speaking of not knowing what's going to happen, a lot of people ask themselves, how should I manage my money? And whether you're a multimillion dollar investor or just starting out, the answer is

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See, you don't need this, Sal. No. Because you make so much money gambling on football. I was just going to say, it's a funny place to put this spot, right? I know. Now we're going to tell people to bet the Titans. It's crazy. Well, we're not as good as Betterment, but we try.

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Oh, God. I want Betterment to make this pick for me. I don't know what to make of my team when they're a high favorite at home. One week they're barely surviving, and the next week they're clearly going to beat the Dolphins by 25, you can see in the first minute. I had the Pats by 12. a half no no you got to go i said 14 and a half and it's 14 you have to make it two touchdowns against any of these crappy teams the redskins aren't crappy though you're not worried cousins have two weeks to prepare

for the patriots but what was it this is what i do this is what we did this is what he what did he say oh yeah he did something like that i loved it you like that you like that yeah you don't think he'll leave new england screaming you like that no i don't think so i don't think so not on the cards i want to tell you something real quick like i i complain i realized the other day that i can't have it both ways i can't say that i hate that a third of the league, the starting quarterbacks don't belong in the league and then go to bed and pray that Tom Brady gets hit by a tractor trailer. I can't have that.

I appreciate Tom Brady now. I do. I think whether he plays three or ten years, it's going to be sad when he's gone. You know what's cool about him? I don't have to convince you, I know. It really feels like he's figured out some different level of how to play quarterback i don't know how he's like all right if you blitz him he just he just stares at you and he laughs and he's like oh you're gonna

do that okay i'm gonna go here yeah and it's just every play but physically he's not the same guy right not the same guy he was 10 years ago he doesn't move the same way he's not the same guy. He's not the same guy he was 10 years ago. He doesn't move the same way. He's constantly playing with nine-year-olds, just laughing them off. And his deep ball, not as good as it was 10 years ago, but none of it matters. It's amazing. Quick question. The AFC East is done, right? Yeah, three of those. Unless there's an injury.

AFC West is done. Denver wins that. AFC North, since that's crossed off, basically. I don't ever remember having three of the four divisions crossed off and going into week nine. And the other one, no one cares about. AFC South. Bizarre. Yeah.

All right, what do we have? Tennessee at New Orleans. Tennessee at New Orleans. What do we make in New Orleans? I already poured dirt on Breeze and spoke at his funeral. Yeah. And apologies to anyone who played against Breeze or Eli Manning in fantasy yesterday. But, I mean, you always want to be on the better side of the 52-49 game.

And that was a big win. He showed a lot there. It was a terrible last two minutes by the Giants. And now the third time they've screwed up a game in the last two minutes. But somehow they rigged it so that the Saints got a punt retirement and all of a sudden the Saints were on the Giants 40. Yeah.

It shouldn't have played out that way. Get it to overtime. No. No. I don't know what went on. That was a stupid game. You know what really bothered me is the Giants were three and a half all week and then on Sunday it moved to three. Went down to three the old push yeah but the over was not 100 no it was not 100 if the over was 100 you covered 88 and a half and you think each team covered right i have the saints by nine over the titans that's probably too low you know it's it's

apparently too high i said 10 and you'll get this because it's eight and uh i mean we're two team teasing the shit out of that if it stays at eight right tennessee has no offensive line well we've been talking about that all week yeah we have been talking about that we actually have it you know what we have been talking about all week yeah how bad rob bryant is as an offensive coordinator oh man that inside the nfl piece like in August about him and his brother and it's like, why haven't you gotten a job yet? It's like,

because five times a year you give up 40 points. That's why you're your defensive coordinator. You always get torched. Always. Halloween weekend is always tough for him.

I know. His mind is elsewhere. Katie, Katie Nolan, our friend, she went as sexy, sexy Rob Ryan. She did? Yeah.

I have to see a picture of that. It was good. Not as good as when Sarah Silverman went a sexy Hitler. I forgot about that. Remember the controversial Halloween costume. Sexy Hitler will be running the Saints defense in no time. I have an amazing Ken Wisenhut stat for you. What is it?

So Ken Wisenhut, in his last 27 games at Arizona, went 3-24. Right. Wow. Ken Wisenhut at Tennessee is 3-20. Ken Wisenhut in his last 50 games is 6-44. He's 6-44. He's lost 44 of his last 50 games

as a coach. We haven't bet against him in every one of those games for reasons that I may not clear. This line, I had to search to find the minus 8 because there's apparently a difference between Marriott and Mettenberg or whatever. But they, yeah, he is under the radar. He gets to fly under the radar with coaches that need to be fired.

He made one Super Bowl. That's it. And if he hadn't made that Super Bowl, he's basically Dave Wonstadt. You know, he's somebody's special teams coordinator. Six and 44? Six and 44. who's basically Dave Wonstadt. You know, he's somebody's special teams coordinator. 6-44? 6-44. And knowing that, I guess not knowing that because I didn't look it up last week,

but I took the Titans plus three and a half in Houston. No, no. I took a guy who was 6-43. Yeah, you didn't know he was 6-44. That sounds so much worse. 6-44. Wow. Congratulations, Ken Wistenhoff.

Now he pulls off the outside. That has to be the stat of the year. We'll see. Jacksonville at New York Jets. Is there even a line on this? Well, I found a line, but... How do you find lines? It's like you're finding plane tickets.

Well, we talked about this, Bill, how I find lines. We talked about it. You've been talking all week about going to find lines. What do you think? We might as well just throw this one out, but what do you think? I had Jets by six and a half, but I had no idea. I don't even know what quarterbacks playing. It's not fair, but I'll give you this one.

I saw two and a half. No. Jets, two and a half. Come on. And it's the weirdest line of the century. Makes no sense. Jacksonville coming off a bye, I guess, but why would it be that? St. Louis at Minnesota.

I'm sorry. I don't believe in Minnesota. I think this is a really soft five and two. I like this game. How much of the Vikings-Bears game did you watch? Very little. You saw a lot? Saw all the highlights, obviously.

The Bears, Cutler was actually half decent, considering they didn't have a ton of weapons. And they had it where they're up seven. Minnesota has the ball, basically like a do-or-die drive. They sack Bridgewater in the first play. So it's second and 17 from his own nine. And somehow they go down and they drive. They get the game-time touchdown.

Chicago goes three and out, and then Minnesota has the ball back basically. Oh, let's see if we can try to get a field goal to the middle left. He throws a jump ball to Charles Johnson like 35 yards down. He just kind of heaves it up like Joe Flacco style. And that made it.

Yeah, and the Bears just screwed it, and all of a sudden the Vikings won. It was a terrible loss. It really was bad. I don't like that, though. I wonder if we discredit them for that. But they... I just don't like...

I don't think Bridgewater's there yet. He missed so many passes. He was awful. I always stare at that. And I think the Rams defense is going to eat him up. I have Vikings by two, and I love the Rams. All right. I had...

You're going to get this. You're killing me this week. I said Vikings by three, I thought for sure. And it's two and a half. Oh, we split it. We split that one. It's two and a half killing me this week. I said Vikings by three. I thought for sure. And it's two and a half. Oh, we split it. We split that one. It's two and a half. You said two.

I said three. I think the Rams D can win that one by themselves. And I really, I liked, I always root for the Vikings. The best man in my wedding is a Vikings fan. I just can't imagine them going six and two with what I've watched. Stefan Diggs. Stefan Diggs was sitting on our waiver wire for like an extra week and a half. What did he go for? How much money?

Like six bucks. That's like a number one receiver all of a sudden. The guy's a stud. Yeah. I don't like it. You know what it is? It's yet another reason that fantasy football has made me feel bad about myself. About yourself? It just always makes me feel bad. I always feel like I let myself down.

Yeah. He was sitting there for a week. I just kept looking at him. I didn't pick him up. But now he's like the new Steve Smith. Right. It's the same guys. He was there for three weeks. And McFadden was there for three weeks.

And now they're worth like $70 on the waiver wire. Like I started. I knew Deion Lewis was going to play last Thursday. And I started freaking Justin Forsett on that crappy Ravens team over him. I still won. Didn't you win big? I was just going to say. Yeah, I had a great week,

but it's just like, and I'm sitting there like, God, I'm so stupid for starting Forsett over Lewis. It's like, why do I need this in my life? What is fun about this? All I do is hate myself for every decision I make. It's great fun. It's not enough to have that in the rest of my life.

It's better to just poke fun of all these other people that have to make decisions, right? Miami at Buffalo. So the Cameron Wake injury I thought was a deal breaker for the Dolphins. I thought they had a decent chance to get the wild card

and that game was like the game from hell. It set them back. They looked terrible. They had no offensive game plan. Wake goes down. They're 3-4? 3-4.

And Bills are also 3-4. So they have to go 6-3 rest of the way. Conceivably to even sniff a wild card. Maybe 7-2. They're not going to do that without Cameron Wake. I'm crossing them off. Well, why don't we wait? Why doesn't the loser leave?

The loser already has his bags packed to leave town, but the Uber is on the way. Loser leaves town. I'm fine with that. Both three and four. We'll make that a loser leaves town match. I have the Bills favored by two and a half over Miami. We split this.

I said three and a half, and it's three. Okay. Do we know who's playing quarterback for Buffalo? Because that's important. I guess that's it. If Tyrod Taylor's playing, I think they win. Well, they lost. Let's not forget, Dolphins lost 41-14 in Miami.

And obviously, totally different team. They've beaten Tennessee and Houston since there. So I go on and on. But I would have thought this was a little higher. You think the Bills? I guess it all depends on who's quarterback. Bills seem... I mean, we made fun of Rob Ryan before. I guess it all depends on who's quarterback. Bills seem, I mean,

we made fun of Rob Ryan before. I even like the way Rex Ryan's coached him. I even like the stuff I've read. It seems like he's too ambitious for,

they should just rush the D-line and have everyone, instead he's doing these blitzes and defensive linemen are dropping back in coverage

and just like, play to your strengths. They don't have any identity now. They're certainly not the team that kills everyone at home that we thought but well when's mccoy gonna be healthy again who knows what these guys was it next this week or next do you realize that one more maybe do you realize that todd girley is now the best running back in the league would you rather have him or peterson i have him i try to just like right now if you

if you're trying to make the playoffs with one of those two guys. Oh, with the way they use it? Oh, on a real team, you mean? Todd Gerland. It's a tough one. I think Todd Gerland. Who's third? Third best. Third was Bell.

There's a guy named... He might have been second. Yeah. Forte was good. I don't know. I mean, there's so many busts. The running back... So many busts.

And every year in a draft. Charles. Yeah, Lacey looks, there's so many busts. The running back. So many busts. And every year in a draft. Yeah, Lacey looks like he's a freaking offensive guard. Forte was okay for a while. I don't even know who you. Yeah. McCoy, Murray, all those guys poorly. Yeah, look at who's starting for fantasy teams now.

Like, Charkandrick West. Deion Lewis. Darren McFadden. Well, Chris Johnson is like top three in the NFL now rushing. All these guys like Doug Martin. Yeah, Doug Martin. Who we've all had on our team and waived. And now all of a sudden he's semi-competent again. And Devonta Freeman.

With Devonta Freeman. You either got for a dollar or you got him in the supplemental. So why are we spending $58 on running backs at a fantasy auction? That error should be done. Yeah, but why are we spending on anything? You can pick up an eight-point receiver in fantasy right now. Well, it seems like there's only seven or eight short things anymore in fantasy. Like Gronk's a short thing.

Sure. We all sat there and like, man, it would be great to have Gronk. Oh, 40 bucks. I can't afford that. Yeah. It's like, yeah, okay. Well, he's going to have 1,400 yards and 20 TDs. He should probably pay the 45 bucks for him.

I think a strong move. Because like, even you look at the quarterback ranks, even Blake Bortles is in the top five. Yeah, Derek Carr. Yeah, all these guys. So I think we should start doing Palmer, like a Phil Helmuth kind of thing. Like show up at the draft, like an hour in, you know, and just like, yeah, psych him out. All right. Who's gone? I'm hour in. You know? And just like, yeah. Just psych him out. All right, who's gone?

I'm going to get Bortles and this year's Freeman and whoever else. That's basically what Elliott tried to do in that draft, didn't he? Right. He let every guy go. Yeah, he let everybody go. And now he's 6-2, I think. Yeah. Late afternoon games.

Atlanta at San Francisco. Oh, I'm going to try not to watch any of this. I'm out of it. out of this three late afternoon games thank you thank you nfl yeah thanks nfl atlanta just done with them well i was gonna say mediocre performances by them i think that's just who they are they can't be bad teams at home that they should have lost to washington at home they're six and two i wanted to say seattle grabs that second wild card i think min Minnesota grabs one just because of their schedule. But Atlanta's schedule is not that hard if you look at it.

I think they have the Panthers twice, and then everything else is easy. They beat your team in week three when it was first Brandon Whedon game. They were down like 14. They killed the Texans, who suck. They barely beat the Skins. They lost to the Saints. They barely beat the Titans, who are atrocious. Yeah.

And then they barely, oh, they lost to the Bucs. Yeah. So they're not good. They're an even worse 6-2 than Minnesota's 5-2. They still have the Texans, though. They still have the Colts.

They have easy games. I can't wait to bet against them in the playoffs. I have Falcons by, I had trouble with this. Falcons by 3.5, and I hate it. You went a little low. I said four and it's five.

Yeah. They're just not giving San Francisco. The old Vegas zone. See, I think Kaepernick could be good in this game. They don't have a pass rush. His teammates aren't even going to let him suit up. They're going to hide him in the locker before the game. Oh, that'd be interesting if they hit his equipment.

Yeah. He's not getting out. Who's their backup? Isn't it Gabbert? Is it Blaine Gabbert? God. What happened to the Niners? I don't know. And their coach is like, he's like the janitor in Bad News Bears and Breaking Training.

There's a dated movie reference. I'm watching the reboot on Netflix. Oh, are you? How is it? Well, yeah, I don't want to get it. You definitely should watch. I heard William Peterson's incredible. He's great, and he does something else.

It's called Celtics Tradition. Have you ever seen it? No. Is that on Hulu? Yeah, that's on Hulu. But half of it's on Hulu, and the other is on Ask Jeeves. I was watching Bryan Cranston's new show on Amazon Prime. He's a psychiatrist.

Right. Really good. Is it good? Yeah, really good. They only did 10 episodes. No, it's new show on Amazon Prime. He's a psychiatrist. Right. Really good. Is it good? Yeah, really good. They only did 10 episodes. No, it's really good. I know. See, that's another one.

By the way, that's not a show either. All right. Giants at Tampa Bay. I really want to like Winston. I'll tell you, he rekindles a lot of the same feelings I had for Josh Freeman. Oh really? Yeah It's like seeing your ex at a bar but it's not your ex, it's some girl who's four years younger and you're like, ah you kind of remind me

of my ex. Interesting. He doesn't make any mistakes. He really doesn't James Winston? He doesn't. Other than the 20 he makes? No, no, the crab leg and standing in the cafeteria Oh, that kind of stuff. The last three games I don't think he's turned the ball over i i've been waiting for a year for somebody to write the 8 000 word long form piece

about what the hell happened to josh freeman the guy was like a lights out young quarterback that if you're starting your franchise he would have been one of the top 10 picks and now he's like i think it's gonna have to be your 8 000 word column. Maybe just tweet it a little at a time. Yeah. I have the Giants giving two and a half points in Tampa Bay. I thought I'd steal that from you. We both had it, and it is two and a half points. Let me add these up.

Three, four, five, six, seven. I think I'm killing you. No, it's like seven to six. We have three ties, but it's like four to three. All right. True or false? You're going to win, though. True or false?

Tampa Bay's three and four. Yeah, they are. That is true. They have some bad teams left on their schedule. The only thing that's hurting them is that their coach went into a coma about a year and a half ago. That was bad. If that hadn't happened, and they weren't propping him up on the sidelines,

and he was just staring at him. I really did like that fourth and one call. I did too. It didn't work, but. I did too. I love just making fun of any bad coaching decision, but in the moment, I was like, yeah. Go for the jugular. It was good.

Oh, they had their own 37 or something? They should have faked the QB sneak and done like a jump pass or something. All right, Denver at Indy. Good one. Good one. Good one. Broncos by three. I guess it's good.

You get that exactly. I thought a little higher. I said four and a half. It is three. Are you enjoying Ribsgate? You love that. Ribsgate. They lied about injured luck on the injury report.

Are Patriots fans allowed to throw stones on injury reports? Lots of stones. Oh, yeah, we've lied on injury reports for 100 years. Every week Brady's on the injury report. Yeah, I think Brady, I actually think he might have played with a broken foot one year. Yeah. And just nobody ever knew about it. And there was another year he had broken ribs for like six weeks just playing with a flak jacket.

And then sometimes they're on and they don't have any injuries. They just mix it all up. The reality is the injury report is for gamblers. It's not like the other teams are like, hey, I heard Luck has injured ribs. We're going to play him differently. Right. It doesn't really matter.

But it does explain a lot. House and I were talking about Luck on Friday. I didn't think he looked right. There's something. The way he was throwing the ball just didn't look right. So now we know why. That's why. The way he was throwing the ball just didn't look right. Yeah. So now we know why.

That's why I thought this would be a little higher. That defensive line is going to get to him on a short week. It does seem like. All right. So Monday night, which is tonight. We're taping this podcast on a Monday. If they lose that game to Carolina. The Colts.

Which they're 7-point underdogs. Yes. They'll be tied with Houston. Now you're going into this game. I wonder if they'll fire the coach. I think they have another one, too. I think they have—who do they have next week? Don't they have Green Bay or somebody?

Who? Indy. I think they have like three monster— Oh, the week after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had a bad schedule. Except for the six games they get against the Putridaves. Right, yeah.

This is a rough stretch. Let's talk about Denver for a second yeah let's talk about odds 10 to 1 i know you think the patriots are coming out and it makes sense but 10 to 1 at this point i don't think anything it's november we know every year that in november you start to realize who's good and who's not good and and we all write off these teams in september i thought denver was gonna be able to score enough you watched last night actually they were blocking for manning that was the first time we've seen them yeah that's true and he still didn't throw a touchdown pass and they still killed and they're double digits to one odds to win the super bowl i think it's i don't trust them in january but so what so you have 10 to 1 odds if they go to new england they're a six point

underdog yeah as a pats fan that's the team that scares me the most right just because they have a really good defense like they they could it's really no one else they could get a low scoring game where they run the ball and do some stuff and the thing is our defense is coming on we actually have a pass rush this year which i feel good about secondaries the revis thing hasn't hurt like i think people thought i like i like the defense. It always works out for you. We can rush the passer, which is super important.

Hey, you know what else is important? Science. No, I don't think so. Have you ever wondered whether inception is scientifically possible or whether a pandemic outbreak could actually resemble a zombie apocalypse? Well, you should subscribe to the Crack Podcast to find out. They've partnered with GE to create a four-part podcast miniseries about the world's most important scientific breakthroughs with help from world-renowned experts in brain research,

robotics, infectious disease, aging. Come on, Sal. You love The Walking Dead. Oh, yeah. The guys from Cracked will figure out on Breakthrough whether science fiction has become science fact. So subscribe to the Cracked Podcast on iTunes or any of your favorite podcast apps today. And speaking of podcast apps, we're now on Stitcher. Oh, good.

And Stitcher is a great app. And they're not even paying us for anything. I just really like the app. I wanted to be on Stitcher. I used it on an airplane a couple weeks ago, and I thought it was cool. I really like the part that if you're listening to a podcast, and then all of a sudden you get taken away, and then you come back, and you can't remember where you got left off. Yeah, you have to scroll all the way. Yeah, yeah.

Somehow they know where you left off, and they bring you back to the spot, which I think is awesome. That scares me. I recommend Stitcher. And I think if you, you know, I love iTunes. iTunes has been great. And that's how I listen to podcasts. That's it. We're saying about iTunes.

No. Oh, no, we still haven't. Well, the iCloud is going to be in cars in like a year. So you're going to want to keep iTunes. But I like Stitcher. I think there's some good stuff out there. Anyway, we are on Stitcher. So check that out.

Let's do it. Sunday night. Sunday night. Philly at Dallas. Oh, boy. Who's your quarterback? Well, that's, I mean, Weedon, Castle, it all seems to be the same. Now maybe we should go back to Weedon. You can't settle for four field goals.

Like, how does Garrett not know that you can't just run your offense to just get by and not win, And that's why we lost to Seattle. That and them not calling a 12-man on the field penalty. Them actually giving Pete Carroll a chance to not call a timeout. That was bizarre. Bizarre. The one thing I like about Whedon is he can throw 45 yards downfield and at least keep your team honest.

Whedon? Whedon. Really? He can throw deep. Yeah. It's the only thing he can do. What do you want, drugs? No, I'm not saying he can complete it to his own receiver.

He can do it? But I'm saying he can throw it 45 yards downfield. I guess. So with Dez, at least you can get some jump balls with him. Yeah, I guess Dez might benefit more from Whedon. I had an idea for you for this week with the Cowboys. Because your season's almost definitely over anyway. Sure.

It's never worked before, but why can't it work now the subbing quarterbacks in for different downs and different series just to keep the defense on their toes it's like oh you thought you're getting a little sucky brandon weenie watch this you're gonna you're gonna get back castle this play right well you maybe do that when you have like a wildcat quarterback or something in there but oh i'm just anything to keep the defense like, wait, who's in now? Is that Whedon? He's the one that sucks because of this reason. Castle, maybe they'll get confused.

Maybe they'll start laughing in the defense. It could work out. You can have a lot of shots of them running back and forth and high-fiving like they're in a youth soccer team. I will say the Hardy interception, great play by a great man. Came down with it. That was nice. First turnover in like five games.

Terrific. I don't want to spoil it, but apparently SI is Sportsman of the Year issue. They're looking hard at Hardy. He's going to make it? I think it's going to be Greg Hardy. Because of that play and his off the field. It's going to be the first ever sarcastic Sportsman of the Year issue. I like it.

They're going to put him on the cover. I like it. I have the Eagles by three and a half in Dallas. Man, don't you think that's a little high? I said Philly by one, but it is three. And you're going to win the week with that. You clinched that. At least I did something good this week because my picks were terrible.

Why do we think Philly is... We don't. So we think they're six and a half, six points better? Do you have Greg Hardy this week? I think he'll play. I like Dallas. He was someone your defense is pretty good i know we just can't score it's all field goals all the time i i keep waiting for seattle to turn around and they they can't really block they get into like inside the 25 the The play calling is always awful. It doesn't seem like they can get any third and eight play. It's always like Wilson goes back and then he scrambles for five yards and gets tackled.

Right. I don't like how they look. I was trying to think of a way they sneak in and it would be Atlanta's spot that they took. They got to get going now. They got to get going now. Well, they have a bye. It doesn't seem like they're explosive at all. No.

And they need to—I mean, last year, this is when they made the push, right around Thanksgiving. They won that Thursday night game, and they kind of got going. But their offense isn't good enough, and they can't extend drives. Well, the problem is they have Arizona and St. Louis, and those are not going to be easy games the rest of the way. What's the Rams' record? Rams are—what do we have, 4-3.

Seattle's 4-4. I think the Rams could win that division. Well, Arizona's 6-2. Yeah, the game would happen. But Palmer hasn't had his annual injury yet. They have the head-to-head win, too. Palmer hasn't had his broken thumb or his broken ribs or his pulled hamstring. He's not going to play 16 games. or he'll get he's not gonna play 16

has he announced when he's gonna get hurt yet he was thinking week 12 really yeah and we talked about week 12 for carson palmer's injury we've been talking for a long time about how important carson palmer south is to that team and he told us when we met with him yes last night actually that he wanted to stay healthy all right monday chicago at San Diego. I don't know when this ever looked like a good game. God. Two and five Bears. San Diego has nobody left. I'm going to say San Diego by one, and I don't feel good about it.

Oh, man. You might have been closer. No, I said San Diego by six, and it was four. That's stupid. First of all, they have no home field advantage at all. Yeah. Zero. If anything, there would be 30,000 Bears fans there. Think of all they have no home field advantage at all yeah zero they if anything there would be 30 000 bears fans there think about the chicago transplants in la who's gonna drive

there yeah so you have 30 000 bears fans everyone on the chargers got hurt yesterday they showed some graphic at one point of all the injuries just from the game and there was like 10 chargers and steve smith just like guys who got knocked out of the game. It was like, oh my God, are they going to have a team next week? It was a really violent week. Yeah, it was. The Le'Veon Bell injury seemed like his... It reminded me of Willis McGahee and that bowl game where it just

looked like, oh my God, he's never going to walk again. But it turns out it's like... Wasn't it last week, week 9, last year, week 8 that it all went down? Anything to plug? I have a few things. Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight, Mark Ruffalo, Constance Wu, Color Me Brad. We do a music mashup, Bill.

We have Color Me Bad and Brad Paisley. They wouldn't perform normally, but we mashed them up. And later in the week, Sharon Stone. Batista is on, if you want to bring the boy by. Seth Rogen, Odenkirk, David Cross. Hillary Clinton will be on later in the week. I think she's going to run. Can we bet on that?

She's going to run. Well, we have Rubio, and Rubio's going to win. So we went one for two. For the Republican? Yeah, we have Rubio plus 650. That's going to win. That should win. That's going to win.

Hit me up at TheCousinSal on Twitter. And SportsCenter, 6-0 the last two weeks. Wow, congratulations, buddy. Thank you. I don't know what's going on, but catch me late Thursday night on the Worldwide Leader in Sports, ESPN. And you can catch every Bill Simmons podcast on BillSimmonsPodcast.com, on iTunes, on SoundCloud, on Stitcher. At some point, I'm going to address the Grantland thing. I'm just not sure when, but it was obviously a really sad weekend for a lot of reasons.

And it's going to take a while to sort out my thoughts. But anyway, that's it for the BS report. Cuz, good job by you. Yeah, I just need a new football team, a new baseball team. We'll be fine. Any thoughts, take me on. Good job by you, Billy. We have the Rockets.

We have the Rockets to win the division. What was that? Their own three, and Dwight Howard's just not already playing. They lose by 25. Yeah, it might have cost us a couple thousand dollars there. What a creep.

Anyway, speaking of dollars, thanks also to Betterment for sponsoring today's episode as the first automated investing service. Betterment has revolutionized investing and made it easier

and less expensive to be a smarter investor. Get personalized advice and investment management for a fraction of the cost of traditional services. Sign up today. Get up to six months of free automated investing, full terms and conditions at Betterment.com slash BS. And thanks to the Cracked Podcast for sponsoring today's episode. Remember, they've partnered with GE to create Breakthrough, a four-part podcast mini

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rewind this track right here, close your eyes, and picture me rolling.