The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 182: Reliving the Oscars With Jimmy Kimmel and Cousin Sal

Episode Date: March 2, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons ventures over to 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!' to discuss the Oscars Best Picture mix-up (5:00), Ryan Gosling laughing (13:00), Cousin Sal's bad beats (16:00), Jimmy's near-death experience during rehearsal (25:00), behind-the-scenes Oscars insight (33:00), Jimmy's next hosting gig (44:00), and Jimmy's favorite fast food items (52:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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which has a bunch of stuff going on right now. First of all, I went on Channel 33 with Joe House, who has been on this podcast more than anyone else since we relaunched the podcast. This is a BS podcast. And we broke down the Rers, um, really indefensible top 50 fast food rankings that I feel like I should have thrown my body in front of house is very upset. Waffle fries were number one from Chick-fil-A and, uh, and we decided to do a podcast and house is really the Mel Kiper jr.

Fast food. He's the Chad Ford. He's the Barry Melrose. Name the top analyst. That's House. We broke it down. You can listen to that podcast on Channel 33. I would say it's House at his best. And people on Twitter were saying House should become the next food czar. I think I agree with them.

Check that out on Channel 33. And also, the Ring of the NFL show. We have Mike Lombardi kevin clark robert mays and danny kelly are all in indianapolis at the combine we were doing ringer nfl shows from there and we launched tate did we launch the mass man podcast oh it's launched the mass man has his own podcast a wrestling podcast oh yeah it's got its own. You used to be able to find it on Channel 33, and now it is on its own feed. Subscribe now. iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, Overcast FM.

What other places have podcasts? Google Play. Google Play. Yeah. Masked Man Podcast, hosted by David Shoemaker. Lots of wrestling people on. I'm going to be going over there on that before Wrestlemania

to break down Wrestlemania but check it out that's our newest and latest podcast feed the Masked Man podcast David Shoemaker it was time

it was time for him to branch off leave his friends at channel 33 behind and don't forget about Tate and mark titus teed up college basketball podcast that uh if you want to win your march madness pool i would start listening to that podcast right now anyway jimmy kimmel and cousin sal coming up we taped

this on a wednesday night we went to their office because jimmy is you know he's a celebrity he just hosted the oscars for god's sakes we had to go to him even though he's two miles away uh and that is coming up right now but first our friends from pearl jam All right, taping this on on Wednesday night in Jimmy Kimmel's office. Cousin Sal, Jimmy Kimmel here. You just did a show with Al Bob and a bunch of people, and you had a very tumultuous weekend, both of you. Yeah, I wouldn't say it was tumultuous. More Jimmy than me. I would say it was tumultuous.

It was the biggest, most famous thing that ever happened in the Oscars. Yeah, it is funny. Somebody said to me yesterday, you better get your story exactly straight because you're going to be telling this story for the rest of your life. And I thought, I don't want to tell this story for the rest of my life. It's about the wrong envelope being handed over. It's essentially a boring story, but the impact was...

It's never going to go away. Yeah, I know. I guess it's not. Oh, yeah. I'm just going to say it wasn't me. I said to... I was saying to somebody, it was like the JFK assassination, and you were kind of the Jackie O.

You were crawling on the back of the limo, wondering what happened. I was, in a way. You know, I haven't done really any interviews since the Oscars. And so there are many things that people don't know about what happened that night. Like afterwards, somehow I wound up in the huddle trying to figure out what is going on. Well, there are producers, you know, deluca and jennifer todd are the producers of the show and then there's dawn and cheryl who run the academy and they were trying to figure out what happened and for some reason i became a part of that with warren baby like

you're a decision maker and i really was in the middle of this and everybody was very keyed up trying to figure out you know what happened and who did what and whatever and i just kept screwing around through the whole thing i told warren he was in trouble i told warren beta i said there's only one way to handle this you need to come on my show tomorrow night and we'll explain what happened he said well that sounds um that sounds great for you but i think i'm just going to wait a while. And I said, I'm going to tell you right now that I think that's a mistake.

Forget me. I'm not speaking for myself here. It would be great if you were on the show, but I'm saying I think you need to handle this immediately and a great place to do it would be on my show because I am actually an eyewitness to what happened. And he didn't think that was a great idea, but he did a very smart thing. And I was really impressed by this. He kept those envelopes. He would not hand them to anybody. He showed them to people,

but he would not hand them over. The two envelopes. The two envelopes. He kept both of them because that's the evidence. That's the smoking gun there. As soon as you give those envelopes up, who knows who switches what out and who knows what happened. The other smart thing was that he went to the microphone. He went to clear things up. I just want you guys to know. And it was like at that point. I guess. But everyone now blames him because he did that.

And he didn't even read it. Although he did throw her under the bus and let her read it. Well, I don't. She was in an Uber back to Malibu and he's explaining like he didn't even say it. He's not the one who said it. It is funny, too, because one of our writers saw somebody posted on Instagram or something, a close up. They zoomed in on the envelope that was in his hand.

They got it off the television broadcast. And I went into the after all this commotion, it was still going on. I left. We the television broadcast. And I went into the, after all this commotion, it was still going on. I left. We went, we had a little toast after the show. I went back in and I said, Warren, you could see on the envelope, you can see right here,

the envelope that you were handed said, outstanding female, you know, actress. And I said, so, and I just announced him. I said, you're free to walk the streets of Hollywood again. And I walked out of the room. Everybody laughed and that was kind of the end of it. You know, the whole thing is so, we were talking about before.

Well, why it took so long. The guy must have had two envelopes left, right? The accountant. They have one set of envelopes on one side of the stage and another set of envelopes on the other side of the stage. So each time somebody wins an award, he's probably putting the duplicate or either they took it away,

he's putting in some suitcase. Yeah. And gradually he just had the two left, but he's walking around, he's tweeting, he's taking photos, and then they're like, hey, we need that best, and then he just gives it,

and he just gives the right. It's kind of amazing. I just can't believe. So it takes a minute to get on stage. They go through two and a half speeches and then, I mean, it was like two and a half minutes. These are not people you want watching your six-year-old around the pool, right?

Like, get in there before anyone gets on stage. Immediately they're running in going, whoa, whoa, whoa, like this. I think at that point people were hoping it somehow went away you know well you know what they could have done they could have just went with it they they could i don't know i don't know what i would have done in that situation but the thought would definitely cross my mind of just letting uh la la land have the best picture and everybody kind of

look at it because it was the favorite it's not like it would have been a huge surprise nobody would have been like what what the hell happened how did how did you know it's not like it was arrival or something or hell or high water i think that's another reason she read the name she's like well this doesn't look right because there's an actress's name here but everyone has been telling me all day that la la land should win so yeah i'll just read the thing you know emma stone she gave a like an interview thing right after when they're in that room right and she's like you could tell she thought there was some sort of conspiracy and that and she's like i just want you know i had my envelope the whole time right yeah i don't think there was this 20 minutes where nobody knew how it was

going to play out yeah i don't know that she thought there was a conspiracy i think she i think she thought that warren had made a mistake instead she didn't realize there were two versions of that of that envelope in that card yeah yeah it was crazy old people can't see is really one of the morals to this like i said like well not only that they came to two different rehearsals because it was hard to see the teleprompter. Yeah. So that definitely was part of the issue, I think, is just vision in general. But, you know, I can't read the menu in a restaurant. We have our iPhone lights as we're at any restaurant.

And, you know, they're expected to be able to read this with a spotlight kind of shining in your face. I told Jimmy the only thing that would have made it better is if Jimmy announced, release the Raisinets all over these bozos just as they were trying to figure it out. I wish we had one more load of candy and Sal was in charge.

That would have been the greatest first moment ever. Wait a second. Let's go back to when it happens. You're in the row with Damon. So I'm sitting in the audience. What was the plan for the last joke that we never saw? The plan for the last joke was the Best Picture winners announced. They make a speech.

I was assuming the Best Picture was not going to be Manchester by the Sea. And I said to Matt, if it's not Manchester by the Sea, I'm going to be sitting next to you. This would be my revenge for the Emmys. Because at the Emmys, he walked on stage after we lost our category. And I'd be sitting next to him and it would start on me and I'd start wrapping the show up and then I'd the camera would widen we'd see that Matt was sitting next to me and I would say wow you know oh unbelievable you know Casey won and uh Kenneth won and it's really only one person who didn't win tonight and it's you for this movie and yeah

it would have been just a nice little button to the whole night but we're watching we're waiting for the camera to come to us and we're kind of you know we're concentrating it's set and suddenly the stage manager wanders up on stage which is never supposed to happen and he's in the shot which i know is not supposed to happen so i really don't know what's going on and i don't hear very well So Matt hears somebody say something to the effect of they had the wrong movie for Best Picture. And so he says to me, I think they announced the wrong Best Picture. And I said, what? He said, yeah, I heard them saying that it's the wrong movie. And I looked at Matt and I said, well, I guess I better go up there.

And he said, yeah, I guess you better. And I walked up on stage and and all hell is breaking loose, and people are mad and confused. And I start, you know, I'm trying, I mean, I feel bad for them, but I can't help but laugh because it's such an uncomfortable situation. And then, you know, the microphone actually goes down to the ground. It's the microphone that comes up from the stage and then goes down. So I bent over,

I leaned forward to talk to the microphone and it disappeared, which is almost a comedy moment on its own. And then it came back up and I didn't know if my mic was on, my lavalier mic that I have attached to my shirt. I didn't know if people could hear me. People were very confused.

It wasn't exact. It wasn't like, it wasn't a great moment for a joke because people wanted to know what was going on i didn't know what was going on and so but your default mechanism in that in that exact situation is to make a joke is yes to make it worse yeah well you're gonna you're uncomfortable so you're gonna immediately go to humor that's right and i would have expected nothing less. And then I think I yelled at Warren.

He said, Warren Beatty said, I'm not trying to be funny. I said, well, you are. No one laughed. And I think I screamed at him, Warren, what did you do?

Yeah, you did. I assumed that he read the, I thought it was his mistake because I had this backstory in my head of him coming to two rehearsals and not being able to see the teleprompter. So I thought, oh thought oh you know this is what happened between the two of them

they couldn't read the the card although now thinking back that's a ridiculous yeah I mean you see the words La La Land don't look anything like the words Moonlight you know so yeah um so then I got up there and I said something. I don't even remember what I said. And I wandered off stage with everybody at the end of the show. And then people started going like, is this, did you do this? I was like, hold on a minute. I'm just going to make one thing very, very clear right now that this was not a, if this was a prank, I'm not in on it. You know, I'm one of the victims here.

Although if Sal had wandered out with a big smile on his face, it would have been the greatest thing both of you have ever seen. Anyone could have wandered up on that stage at that point and taken the microphone. Literally any person in that house could have walked up and said anything they wanted to. Well, when I was watching it, because... Remember that for next year, guys.

They did a wide shot. I wasn't really totally paying attention. And we were talking about what, you know, whether we're going to watch Big Little Liar or whatever, that new HBO show. And I was like, we got to keep it on because Jimmy might come back on one more time. And then they did this weird wide shot and there were people on the stage. And I thought like a streaker ran on or somebody came in to pretend they were the producer, like it was an imposter. But other people immediately knew that it was the wrong movie and i don't know how you would have known that i saw a picture today of ryan gosling on somebody took a picture of him on stage he's

laughing his ass off well so the moonlight people come up could you hear the conversations yeah and they didn't nobody wanted to make a speech, you know, because it was so unclear what was happening. They kind of absorbed the fact that they'd won, but nobody took the next step of saying like, oh, I guess now we have to make a speech now that we won. Until Denzel Washington literally was waving at me and, you know, he's yelling. That part's incredible. He's yelling Barry at me. He's going, you know, he's yelling. That part's incredible. Yelling Barry at me.

He's going, Barry, and he's pointing. And I don't know, but the director, Barry of Moonlight, is behind me. And he wanted me to get him. I think Denzel just wanted to go home, really, is what it was. And he knew he couldn't leave. Wrap it up. So I went, I grabbed Barry, and I kind of pushed him toward the mic. I think, I don't even, I don't really remember exactly what happened.

I do remember Denzel kind of, it may have been another six minutes long if Denzel hadn't directed me to go get Barry and bring him to the microphone. And are they telling you rap, rap, rap? Nobody, no, no. There's no, I mean, there's nobody to tell me rap. I don't have an earpiece on. It's almost like a natural disaster has just happened. Yeah. Like there's been an earthquake and people are trying to figure out what to do.

It's not scary. It's just confusing. And uncomfortable when you watch it again. I watch it again and again and again today. It's like, this is really uncomfortable. Even for me, this is weird. Yeah. It was very uncomfortable.

It made sense because after it was over and they went off, then we rewound it to be like, all right, what the fuck just happened? And you can see Beatty, he's looking, he's confused. He opens the envelope to see if there's another card. And then he just punts. I compared it to everyone blamed him. But he's really like, it's the Justin timberlake janet jackson scenario where he faye dunaway is the one that pulled the boob but he got blamed for the envelope but she was the one that read it yeah he was the one who was like i don't know what to do this doesn't seem right

and then faye la la land and just she goes but i think it's the most famous oscar moment of all time it might be it's the most famous television show we have and you're in it forever. Yeah. Is that good? I think it's good. Oh, it is good. Oh, okay. I think it'll be in the first paragraph

of your obituary 50 years from now. I really do. Oh, I hope that's not true. No, I think it is. That would be terrible for a while. No, it'll be like Jimmy hosted a show and did all these things and also hosted the fateful Oscars

with the Moonlight. I really think it's going to be that big. Well, the first paragraph just asking my obituary would be that I went four to five with my only loser on Oscar poll. I think La La Land. That is the best part of the whole thing. Can we quickly go over my bad beats of the year? Explain the what happened.

They're worse than bad. Explain it. So you had four. You hit four out of four. Your last pick was La La Land. Let me go back even further, if I can. Golden State, 73-win team, up 3-1 against Cleveland. Simmons, you were in on me with that one.

Hillary Clinton, 10-1 favorite morning of the election. I lose that one. And we also had multiple chances to go against it. Atlanta Falcons up 25 points, plus 3 Falcons. Plus three and a half. Even if they screw everything up, it goes to overtime. Everyone loses by three. I'm plus three and a half. I lose that one.

And then four to five, I have Emma Stone. I have freaking Zootopia. I have, I don't even know what else. I had Affleck. I forgot what the fourth one. Mahershala Ali. La La, yeah, Mahershala Ali. Wow, you had Affleck too.

Yeah, it would have been a nice payday. And then I have La La Land, and I see all this commotion. And Jimmy, I don't know if you know this, but there's live betting. You could bet during an event or a game. What were the live odds on La La Land after they announced La La Land won? How do you know this? I know! That's why it's the worst loss ever.

Well, certainly in sports, we've never seen an actual result reversed within three minutes where you celebrated it. Yeah, I'm trying to think. Have we? I mean, almost at the Super Bowl, in a way. Yeah. I guess it would be the equivalent of the tuck rule. If you bet the Raiders on the tuck rule

and the game's over and then all of a sudden they flip it. Now, I hate to eject gambling into it, but this is a real thing I saw. Was it Pricewaterhouse? Is that what it is? Pricewaterhouse Cooper? Yeah.

Minus 260 to keep the job next year. Oh, the firm itself. Yes. You can bet on that. You can bet on it. I'm going to say there's going to be a new firm next year. Oh, you think so? My gut reaction.

Because they already announced that the guy isn't coming back. Yeah, I would think that. Yeah, they fired the—they didn't fire them, actually. They just took them off the account, which is interesting. I think they come back. Yeah. We'll be back to Jimmy and Sal in one second, but first I want to talk about our friends at Lyft.

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the rest of his life. I think it'll turn out fine for him. I really do. I think Kyle, Kyle's going to enter this new world where he, you know, everything is delivered. Maybe he just relies on Postmates and Lyft. And I don't know. I don't know how he finds companionship. Maybe Tinder. Maybe girls just show up at the house. We'll see. I'll let you know what happens. But definitely try out Lyft. And now back to the podcast. You go to the parties. Yeah. What are the parties? This party, this should have been like a celebration. You did an awesome job hosting, by the way. I'm not just saying that because I'm your friend. Thank you. You were really good.

I really enjoyed the show. The narrative changed. It just becomes what happened, what happened, what happened for four hours, right? Yeah, it did. And it did. Yeah. Well, I didn't stay out for four hours, but yeah, that's pretty much all we talked about the whole time.

And what was the mood well you know one other thing that we did discuss is that if it if it had been manchester by the sea you know every other year they rotate the lead actor and lead actress as the second to last category so let's imagine that instead of actress and emma stone it was casey affleck in Manchester by the Sea. And let's imagine that Warren Beatty had an envelope that said Manchester by the Sea on it. If that had happened, everyone would have thought Matt Damon won for producer.

He would have went up on stage, and then I would have had to go on stage and tell Matt Damon that he didn't win. And nobody would have believed that. And we would still be on that stage, right? And like today, many days later. And we would still be on that stage. Right. And like today, many days later, the show would still be on.

Yeah. The only thing more, less likely to happen, but if Mel Gibson, if somehow Hacksaw Ridge had been announced. Oh, that would have been crazy. And if they had to take it from him and give it to. That would have been chalked up to karma.

Definitely. He should be mic'd up at all these things anyway. He was an asset for you in the crowd. I mean, he looks like a crazy person. You know, it's funny. I don't even really know because I couldn't see the show as it was happening, and I've not gone back and watched it. The only thing I watched was the envelope thing,

so I could kind of give my account of what was happening. What was it like to, I mean, you've hosted everything from the roast. Which roast was that, Hugh Hefner i've hosted a few i've been a couple roasts the first roast of hugh hefner was a really big one because it was right after 9-11 yeah amas i hosted american music awards five times i think emmys emmys twice what else Awards? No, never that one. White House Correspondents Dinner. So this Oscars, you come out and like the biggest movie stars in the world. Usually you can see the first couple rows because it's bright, right? You can't see everybody.

I can see everybody. Okay. Because it's a TV show. So everything's live. And it's all the famous actors we have in the world. They're just all staring at you. Right. Like, what's the reaction?

Do you even think about it that doesn't that doesn't really affect me because it's weird but i know almost every one of those people because they've been on the show yeah it's um you know you're thinking about the home audience you're thinking about it's an interesting it's a tricky crowd it's a tricky situation because in every other comedy situation the audience is in darkness even on my show you know the audience they're not lit so they're not worried about laughing at an off-color joke being caught on camera you know people they they examine every second of these broadcasts i mean somebody has a puss on their face and everybody assumes they're getting divorced you know and like poor denzel after the Affleck award. Yeah, exactly. I mean, the next

day. Exactly. So they're very conscious of this stuff, you know, and so you've got an audience that's very conscious of not laughing in the wrong places. And sometimes just to be careful, they won't laugh. So you have to really hit them over the head and you have a lot of people from different countries you have a lot of nervous people you have a lot of people who clearly haven't seen the movies i'm making jokes about right in this particular situation i don't ever talk about that before that became very obvious that's one thing we underestimate or overestimate whatever i kind of had a feeling that was gonna happen but i made a joke about the movie moonlight which i thought was interesting everybody a standing ovation joke about the movie moonlight which i thought was interesting

everybody a standing ovation every time the movie is mentioned but the joke was uh you know the the happiest ending was in the middle of moonlight you know because there was a uh as my wife dubbed it hand job by the sea the movie and um and the people that got it laughed really hard but they were in the vast minority. You knew because you showed me the rough draft and you knew there was a possibility of just confusion. Yeah, I did. But not to the level that probably was actually in the theater with that joke.

You know what? I decided it was a great joke and I didn't care. I figured people at home or people in retrospect, if they didn't know, they'd figure it out later because it's a great joke I thought the more egregious example was the hidden figures the one with the

what women could accomplish when they go pee which is a solid joke and it's like come on this movie made a hundred million dollars yeah definitely that was another one where you could see the people that saw the movie. You could just see them because they were laughing, and then you could tell who did it.

It's weird. You get these screeners sent to your house. You're in the academy. You think you'd watch the movies that people are talking about, but it became obvious that it's like anything else. A lot of people will vote for the people they know or their friends or people they worked with or their own projects or whatever. And and they may not watch their screeners. Those screeners should expire on Oscar night.

Somehow they should figure it out because people would watch them if they did. What was other than the final envelope? Did anything else go wrong that we didn't see? Oh, yeah. There was a complete crazy disaster on the afternoon of the of the oh yeah i was i wanted to talk about that should we talk about that now much bigger deal than the you could have died scary well you know not necessarily me but i i was on stage i was on stage we were rehearsing the tour bus bit yeah and we had

stand-ins pretending to be the tourists that were going to round up and i i stepped off stage as i did during the tour bus bit to start giving the tour and as soon as i stepped off stage a huge structure i i think it was probably 30 feet tall i'm not sure exactly how big it was and a slightly smaller structure fell or just toppled over and this is a huge wooden structure and it was like everybody you guys were the writers were in the back room we couldn't even see i mean you couldn't see it either probably because your back was turned but we hear voices like and we thought like people were rushing in like this is terrorist crap and like jane was there and we're like my wife stuffed my daughter

under the table you know yeah it was really scary and then finally they cut to meanwhile the whole band was in the orchestra pit under this oh my god they were terrified you know erin said that she ran out and she couldn't find you and she thought you were under the wood and well everything got really quiet for about 30 seconds after the stage toppled over because i think people were nervous and also you wanted to hear if anybody was going to cry out from under that and that after the stage toppled over, because I think people were nervous, and also you wanted to hear if anybody was going to cry out from under them. And that was a very tense moment when that thing happened,

because someone easily could have been killed. It really is a miracle that nobody was hurt by that. So you were on the stage two minutes before it collapsed? Less than two minutes before it collapsed, yeah. And I had a parlay with the stage not collapsing at all. Usually golden. I can sound good for that. And by the way, this is day of show.

So we didn't have the rehearsal. We canceled the rest of the rehearsal. We had no rehearsal today. We only rehearsed the first half of the show. Aaron said Aaron's one of your EPs for people not listening. Or people who don't know that. Aaron said it had like, it gave it like a weird edge

because it was so scary for a couple hours after. Yeah, I think it did, yeah. Maybe a foreboding edge. Meanwhile, I was the only one. I was like, oh good, no more rehearsal. I'm going to go take a nap. I went and laid down for a half an hour.

Did they know what happened? Did they know why it collapsed? Was it the Price Waterhouse guy? Can we blame him for this? Everything. The stage has an elevator under it and for whatever reason, the building wasn't in the slot

it was supposed to be in. And when the elevator came up, it toppled it over. Wow. Yeah. Sal, you were preparing for this Oscars for a long time. You've worked with this guy for a long time. Is this the all-time most anal he's ever been about anything?

The most anal? Yeah. Where would you rank his two months before the Oscars compared to the other stuff? Yeah, no, I think this was. But, you know, I wanted to ask you. I never asked you about this. You were told late that you were hosting around christmas time right it was on christmas break is do you think now that it's better that we didn't start in october

um maybe or maybe it's one less month of of uh actually no it was not christmas break it was before that right wasn't it oh yeah well you're right yeah it was after christmas it was late yeah it was after christmas yeah. Well, you're right. Yeah. It was after Christmas. It was late. Yeah. It was after Christmas. Yeah. I mean, sometimes I think it would be better if they just like ran into my room the night before and said,

Hey, tomorrow you're hosting the Oscars. Right. Right. And I didn't have to worry about it leading up because I really wasn't that nervous. Like moments. I could see he felt it like Friday night we had the rehearsal and,

uh, and afterwards I saw him like, you should have been exhausted and you probably were, but you were in a good mood and you were up. And I think I saw in your eye, you're like, I got this. Well, the fact that I went to the party, I think, is all you need to know. Oh, Dixon. Yeah, Baby Dolls Dinner.

Because I wouldn't have gone if I wasn't feeling confident or ready. But I did. I just felt like I had good jokes and I felt like I was pretty much ready to go. Also, having done a lot of these, you're almost like an athlete. You play in the high school championship. You play in the Rose Bowl. Then you play in a playoff game.

It's exactly like that. And it just moves up. It's exactly like that. Bigger room, but... I think of it more in the way... I think of it more of uh in the way i think of it like as being a a coroner your first day on the job you're uh horrified by all the gore and dead bodies and then like five years into it you know you're like you got your dick in a dead body's ear and yes yes you're shooting your christmas car i was gonna say that

you know in a way it's the same thing it seemed like a monumental task after the emmys but i think it helped that it was after the you know like yeah yeah we had the muscle by the way you know we haven't talked about maybe we're gonna get to it where i totally lost the crowd the moment where i was with the oj jo Joe oh yeah and the whole thing went south and I'm like really like the whole deal flashed before my eyes because the monologue went over great you know people loved that me people were jumping up and down when I walked backstage and I knew it I knew it went great and you know you kind of think like that's the main thing what's right what's that's you, even if everything else is mediocre, people will remember your monologue.

Yeah. Until I get out there and I'm standing out there and we're following a very kind of serious speech. And after the OJ documentary, which, by the way, you should have been thanked for, right? Well. I was wondering also if you were going to be thanked for it, too. And I was thinking, well, maybe I'll say something. I used to work there.

Maybe I'll say a little something. You know, your 30 for 30 thing. You know, whatever. I don't know. So I'm sitting there and I have a couple of OJ jokes in my pocket

and I don't have them on prompt or anything. They're just in my head. And I think, oh, these are not going to, these are not going to work at all. Because he's a double murderer?

Well, no, not because of that. Just because of the tone at that moment. Because the OG jokes at the Emmys worked very well. But the tone at that time, it was one of those moments where people knew they're on camera and they knew they had to react in a certain way. And I'm standing in the audience, which makes it even more invasive in a way

you know the people around me know that they're on camera so they can't laugh the only one laughing was Anthony Anderson who was dying

he's the best and so I make this joke and nobody laughs and I'm like what was the joke I don't remember I said this is OJ's

well I got to that one and I said this is OJ's. Oh, I got to that one. This is OJ's second biggest victory ever. That's right. And nobody laughs. It's just dead. And then I turn on the crowd and I go, oh, come on. Oh, so, you know, whatever. Right.

Which because, you know, listen, really, we don't want to offend OJ. Halfway through the Oscars, the crowd turns. And then they made the bologna joke. Yeah. And the bologna joke. One more slice of bologna for OJ tonight. And that goes over. That's a great joke.

In no way. And then I find myself in a very deep hole because I've put myself in it. And I said, and I just said, I just, I don't know. I said something to the effect of, I was just basically kind of enacting the review I would get. Kimmel and the crowd until a very distasteful OJ joke. It was poorly received. Their beloved OJ.

And I kind of got them back at that. And people did laugh. And then people would have just moved on. But they held it against me for two acts. I had to, I really had to do a little, I had to win them back at that. And people did laugh. And then people would have just moved on. But they held it against me for two acts. I had to I really had to do a little. I had to win them back. I needed like two more appearances to finally get them back on board. Dropping this stuff from the roof probably helped, too, from a.

Yeah, that was, you know, it's funny because people like, oh, you're doing you're giving food to the audience. Everybody does it because the audience needs food or they're terrible or else they will hate you and they hate being there and that's the worst kind of a group of people. And every award show I ever do, I will make sure there's, I don't care if, I don't care if a thousand people say,

enough already. Every award show I ever do, there will be some kind of food for the audience. You know, have you seen, have you watched the whole show? After the show? Because after you made the coffee joke, I forget who the actor was.

And now here comes the coffee. Really? I forget who it was. It was like Casey Affleck. Like jerked up and looked up. You're dropping coffee. That's when you know you've done a lot of bad things when people think you might actually drop coffee on them at the Oscars. Yeah.

It was realistic to him. What was your biggest surprise from actually hosting it that you didn't expect? Well, the envelope was number one. Well, I mean, other than. Let's see. Just the whole process of the night where you're like, oh. Nothing really. You know, it's very similar to the emmys

so maybe some of the background stories for the tour bus guests oh yeah well yeah when our yeah our tour bus yeah it turned out the guy that um was kind of the star of the tour bus had just been released from prison he'd done 20 years in prison for stealing perfume this guy yeah and he had just gotten out right like three or four days before? He was released on Thursday. He was live on the Oscars on Sunday. And I was wondering why this guy, I was getting annoyed because he was taking so many pictures,

I couldn't have a conversation with him. Yeah. And I wanted to speak to him, but he was so zeroed in, I realized, oh, this might be the first time he ever held a cell phone. Yeah.

You know, because Oh, yeah. We gave them cell phones before they came into the theater and we did it in a very tricky way because they didn't know what was going on we didn't want to but we you know they have a deal with samsung so we had to make sure that people weren't waving other brand phones around right on the broadcast so they made it they concocted the story like we're samsung wanted you to test these phones and say what you thought about them. And so everybody said, okay.

And we put cases on all the phones. So it looked kind of normal. But this guy got hold of a cell phone and he went nuts. He was just flat, just picture, picture, picture, picture, picture. And yeah, because think of it. The first time you held a cell phone, you went nuts too. When he went into prison, there were nothing but flip phones. Who was the guy from the third Trump debate? The guy with the red sweater who immediately became an actor? you went nuts too when he went into prison there were nothing but flip phones you know he never even had a text

who was the guy from the third Trump debate the guy with the red sweater who immediately became an animal Ken Bone it felt like there was some Ken Bone potential

with Gary from Chicago yeah especially when you could see the green cigarettes hanging out of his pocket I didn't even see that I could tell you were delighted right away

I was you were like wow this is the jackpot I was I haven't seen any of that stuff the next night then the envelope thing happens then like very quietly two days later it's like yeah that guy was in jail for 20 years yeah not gonna have the same ken bone well at least people know we didn't

set it up because there were people like oh that was a setup and like no it wasn't can i just say that was the consensus yeah i think our mike and the Mad Dog impression days are over. Why? Francesa turned on Jimmy, one of the... Oh, no. Very few negative reviews. Oh, is that right? Francesa? Well, I think he's a Trump guy, and his boy got beat up a little bit, so he was annoyed at that.

But his... It's such a weird take about how fake the tour bus bit was. Like, they're not giving tours at 8 o'clock at night on Oscar night. First of all, it's a three-hour difference. Right. It's five in the afternoon. And yes, they do give tours in the afternoon. He's like, I wasn't buying it for a minute.

Oh, he was going crazy. And then he's like this. Oh, he didn't like the candy drop. This pompous hippopotamus did not like the candy drop. Well, maybe because none of the candy wound up in his mouth. Here's Jimmy Kimmel dropping candy at the Oscars. Who's he think he is? That's amazing.

Yeah, it was the Trump stuff, though. He's a Trump guy. It got me mad. I don't know if we can get past this. No, I don't think so. So the Trump stuff, let's be honest, your number one goal for the Oscars from a creative standpoint was for Trump to tweet at some point. It would have been great if he tweeted.

You know what happened in rehearsal? We tested the technology to make sure I could tweet back to him if he tweeted at us. And I was just screwing around in rehearsal and everybody was laughing so hard because I don't know what I wrote in rehearsal. I wrote something really dumb and simple. But everybody was laughing so hard. They're like, you I wrote in rehearsal. I wrote something really dumb and simple. But everybody was laughing so hard.

They're like, you have to do it anyway. You have to do it anyway. I was like, all right, I'll do it anyway. So that was really kind of unscripted and just kind of very loose. We decided it was a game time decision there. And he sat it out, though. He didn't take the bait. He didn't.

I'm guessing that he wasn't watching is probably what it was. I think someone got to him on the last like Sunday morning because since then he hasn't tweeted anything there's a countdown clock I saw online how long it's been since he attacked someone

on Twitter and as of this afternoon it was three days and one hour so yeah it seems like maybe somebody's somebody's

he gave him an offline account to tweet it's offline for real? yeah he can tweet they said that today gave him an offline account to tweet. It's offline. For real? Yeah, he can tweet. They said that today he has an offline account. He can tweet.

It doesn't go out to the world. Why don't I believe anything Tate's saying? Can we hear anything Tate's saying? No, we can't. One of the things about microphones is you have to speak into them. Tate likes to do that. What's a podcast? That's one of his moves.

Tate said they gave him an offline account for the people listening. So he thinks tweeting at people it's like like you give like a kid a fake cell phone like a baby did what how much debate was there with how far to go with the trump humor and what the lines were and all that stuff um because you have how many people watching 30 million people i guess i don't know not much i people, you know, I think they're used to letting the host kind of do what he or she wants. Well, I'm talking about what you wanted. Oh. Did you feel like there was a chance

you might lose the room if you went too far? No, I thought there was a chance I might lose the room if I didn't go far enough. But I just felt like it was just a matter of balance. I didn't want to at any point for people to feel like oh all right we got it you know and and that mostly depends on the quality of the jokes i thought it'd be if you bet the under everything's in terms of betting on politically charged speeches you i think you would have won like i would expect i expected more and especially

like even casey affleck had a bigger you know like Casey was shocked that I talked to him afterwards really like the night before the spirit awards he had a huge thing and he couldn't believe he won he was totally unprepared and he walked he said he forgot to thank his kids and he was despondent about that and um and his brother was crying in the audience and that really like threw him off because I don't think Ben does a whole lot of crying. Right. And I think that was a very spontaneous and totally unprepared speech that he gave. The gambling odds shifted big time toward Denzel. Right.

By the time the Oscars started, he was almost a two-to-one favorite. Yeah. So I never know, like, what does that mean? It's just people waiting to make their Denzel run or they have inside info. I wasn't as surprised that he won after Lonergan won for a screenplay.

That made me think like, oh, okay. I wasn't surprised that he won because that was an unbelievably fantastic performance. I mean, it's a very sad movie, but he was great in that movie. I can't really honestly think of any more natural performances than that one it never for one moment seemed like acting was going on i like the thing he said to to ben at

the end too about like you're not heavy he was kind of snuck it in yeah yeah um yeah there was all these moments from the oscars that i think would have been really played out the next day and dissected and instead if not for the envelope just and it's not really fair because you know they gave out 25 awards 24 to 25 they got right but you got one wrong and everyone freaks out yeah Brady completes 24 or 25 passes that's a great day for them one more quick break from the cousins to talk about our friends at Squarespace. They make it easy to build beautiful websites

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Make your next move. Make your next website. Back to Jimmy and Sal. So what were the next two days like? A lot of emails to respond to. A lot of more well wishes probably than i've received and compliments in my entire life combined and you had some heavy hitters and even personally he's in like in the first in the same minute you got to that right al gore called me today wow al gore yeah so weird right yeah yeah yeah it went well i think i think everybody was very happy. You know, the difference I think was

the people in the audience enjoyed the show. And typically that is not the case when I'm told. And I think we kept just enough stuff happening live in studio for them to really enjoy the show. It wasn't stuffy at all. It wasn't like that's, you know, that's what makes, it didn't feel like three hours and 39 minutes maybe just for to me but it wasn't stuffy it was it pretty smooth i'm gonna give him a good review

it's because no one at the ringer will give him a good review i'm gonna do it i gave him a great review i know you did now but you can't have anyone write anything good about it i was i did somebody no no nothing bad but the usual lukewarm, you know, nothing great. No, tepid. What's the nicest thing anyone says about people with Tourette's? That's the thing. Wesley and Sean Fenton and I raved about him the next day on a podcast. Everything podcast, sure.

But the writing, you never, I don't know. That's the thing. You really can't ever win. Like, I mean, you just can't. You know, it couldn't have gone better than it did. Except for the envelope thing, which had nothing to do with me. It literally could not have possibly gone better. And you get people, you know, there are some people that will acknowledge me.

You get people like, eh, yeah. Yeah. The best you get is not insulted. I think Simmons is in a tough spot because I do think there's a... How did I lie about this? Well, I think there is a direct of like, don't ever write anything bad about Kimmel. But on the other hand, if anyone writes... Maybe that's what makes them resent me.

It's a puff piece. No. And then you get, oh, you're writing about your friend. So it's tough. Oh, yeah. I don't know. You're in a tough spot, buddy. I'm sorry.

I thought you did a good job. I was proud of you. Finally. Well, here's the thing. But as you told me in the email, you would have told me... I would have lied. You would have told me that, you would have told me. I would have lied. You would have told me that I did a great job. I totally would have lied.

I remember one of the AMAs that we did. I was like, yeah, he's all right. I'm going to tell him he did great. But I think what people, one of the things that people, like my mom said this to me. She's like, I don't know if Jimmy handled the ending very well. I'm like, what did you expect from him? Oh, I just thought he should have taken more control. She's like, I don't know if Jimmy handled the ending very well. What did you expect from him? Oh, I just thought he should have taken more control. He's the host.

I'm like, Mom, that's insane. I didn't know what was going on. He didn't know what to go on. He was sitting in the stands. Can I tell you honestly, I feel like I've gotten too much credit for how I handled the ending. Because I really didn't do anything other than jerk around at the ending. I mean, I made fun of Warren Beatty twice. I fucked around. I really did. anything other than jerk around at the ending i mean i made fun of warren beatty twice i fucked

around i i really did i mean i i i guess i apologize what people seem to like but like if a plane just crashed into your window right now yeah and then people were filming us they're like i don't know if sal stood up in time and then like that's kind of what that moment was like yeah except for in this case i rescued everyone on board especially what that's right warren baby's like just holding the envelope like it's the last five hours of his life he doesn't know what the hell happened i know faye dunaway is so much smarter than warren baby she i could see her she was so far in the back of the stage she was actually she was not even in the Dolby Theater anymore.

She was at Dave and Buster's next door. She retreated. I saw her way in the background, just kind of like, just blonde hair flashing as she left. You talk about obituaries and everything. Where does this go in Warren Beatty's? We talked about this on Monday's Pot. I think it's in the first couple sentences. I hope not.

Yeah, that would be a real, that would be a tragedy. I think, see, you're too deep in this. All the women he fucked, that should be the first. First list, alphabetical order, all the women he fucked, then this. I think this lives on in a way that you'll see in about two months. You're probably right. Because I think about when we were growing up, we always heard about The girl that

The Indian that came up to Decline Marlon Brando's Oscar Yeah Feather And shit like that Those are Those are like these moments That just haven't gone away Yeah

And this is way bigger than that So what now? What happens to you now? I know I gotta find Another award show You did the Emmys and the Oscars What's next? There's nothing left

I have to do the Upfront You did the ESPYs too Oh we forgot to mention You hosted the ESPYs too. I am? That was another award show. No, you did 10 years ago. Oh, yeah.

I hosted the ESPYs. That's right. I forgot. Yeah, I've hosted a lot of them. That was your darkest award show moment because you had a 10-minute monologue and they edited it down to about three and a half. Yeah, that was bad. That was the worst because I felt like I really killed at that event.

Yeah. And that audience is great that's a different audience from well that's that's your audience yeah those are your people those are my guys uh but that was that was a real that was a shocking and horrible disappointment yeah we were watching it at huey lewis's house in uh montana yep i left for a fishing trip with that behind me. I killed. I was on a high. It was great. I got to Montana.

The monologue in no way resembled what I had done. And no heads up. No, the no heads up was the issue. Yeah. Well, no, it was all. I mean, they were probably smart to give me a no heads up because I would have went berserk if they gave me a heads up. But the stuff that you wind up keeping, it was so political, the whole deal.

I remember being 95% really upset that they did that and 5% excited that you finally knew what I was going through. Oh, really? Yeah. It's like 5% of me is like, I'm glad somebody else gets it now. It was crazy. It wasn't even edited for like, like oh this was off color it was like we can't make fun of soccer that kind of thing you know but it was even worse than the mangling because i think you had like you had six five or six jokes that just killed the most

and i think they took out like five yeah and that was what really hurt is they took out the flow now it seems like a million years ago. It was. It was a long time ago. So now what? Now you're just in the late night wars. Yeah, no, now I will. Now you have to win the late night wars.

Yeah. That's the next thing. That's not going to happen. What do you mean that's not going to happen? Yeah, maybe I could win the Cola Wars. I think I'd have a better chance with it. How do you handle Trump now in the age of President Trump? You did Trump Free Tuesday this week.

Yeah. Is that going to be a gimmick? I don't know. Maybe if we, you know, sometimes you just, it's like enough already. I think Trump Free Tuesday is brilliant. Yeah. You must go through the same thing, right? When your writers tell you they want to all write about Trump or do they?

Well, it's weird because, yeah, we could run a million trump pieces but you know people come to our safe to read about sports and pop culture and tech and they don't want to read like 20 angry pieces or 20 pieces the other way so we got to find like the it's hard to write angles every day all the writers you know they'll write their jokes, however many jokes they write. And a lot of the jokes are about Donald Trump or the people in his world. And then I get everybody's jokes and I go through all of them. And I'm like, I got nothing but Donald Trump jokes here to choose from. And it's like, just read them all. And even on Trump Free Tuesday, a day that I said, don't write any.

There will be zero mentions of Donald Trump. I got a bunch of Donald Trump jokes. It's like people just can't, it's so oppressive that they can't not write about it. He's not going to win. Don't worry about it. So what did you do? Like the Congress speech was last night,

but that wasn't in your monologue. Yeah, no, that was Trump Free Tuesday. And I'm glad it wasn't because there wasn't much to go on there. He just sat there and read. Oh, did you film? You know what's funny? He is getting so much credit for not behaving like a maniac last night. It's like when you take a baby to a restaurant.

You know? It's like, you were so good. You were really good. And you're going to now get a piece of cake or something. It was really interesting to watch adam carolla wrote for you for the askers he did how'd that go you hadn't worked together in a while um it went great actually it was kind of shocking in a way whoa because adam wrote not only wrote so many jokes not only invested so much time in it, but I actually typed them. Typed them himself?

Himself. I mean, he sent me many typed pages of jokes, and I'm going through, and they were great, and I actually was, like, looking forward to opening them because they were so funny. He took a typing class at night and gave Jimmy jokes during the day. And they were really, you know what's funny is, like, you know, you get away from working with Adam every single day.

Yeah. You forget how funny. You kind of forget, like, you know, he's super funny, but you kind of forget. And he came into the office for a meeting. A lot of the young writers, you know, they don't know him. They don't really, you know, they don't know the man. So they're too young. They don't listen to his podcast.

So they don't know what's going on. As far as they know, he's like my racist uncle, you know? Right. Yeah. And he comes in my racist uncle, you know? Yeah. And he comes in the meeting and he just destroys the meeting. Everybody's dying, laughing. He's kind of holding court the whole time. And you go like,

Oh yeah, that's right. That's right. Adam is, is, is ridiculously funny. I remember the first year writing in, if you got late to the lunch meeting where we all had to pitch and the only

seat was like next to Corolla falling, Corolla was like the death seat. Oh, yeah. Because Corolla would be funny for 20 minutes. He's like, all right, what do you have? With nothing written down. One word written down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not even a word.

Technically not even a word. Well, he was smart. He would sit. You'd go in order around the room. He'd do no work. But then he would listen to the other pitches and just make them better. Yeah.

Like Tony mentioned before about changing the speed limit in Nevada. And then he would go on his rant. Yeah. And then you ruined lunch for everybody. And then he still blames me. For what? Because I intervened on the Chinese food. Because when we would get Chinese food

Everybody would be incompetent after Because of the MSG And I mentioned that to you And you used to listen to me back then And you were like, you're right That's a terrible idea Why are we drugging the writers with Chinese food? We should get healthier

Probably I just didn't really like the Chinese food It might have been bad Chinese food too James' Babydoll Dixon stories? Oh yeah Well, Sally and I have been bad chinese food uh james baby doll dixon stories oh yeah well sally and i've been trying to figure out how much of the show of the oscar show baby doll who is my agent actually saw you know he didn't go three hours and 40 minutes without a cigarette no we know where would he have smoked yeah well first of all anywhere he smokes you know wherever but he definitely exited the building to smoke at some point, which means he had to have missed something.

You know, I wish he was here so we could have quizzed him and gone through and read him a list of things that happened and then made a couple up and listened to him kind of bullshit his way through it. But, yeah, he was on pretty good behavior because his wife and daughter were there. But there were people walking by, and his go-to line is, I don't know, this guy with a cane. He looked like he was 90, just trying to make his way through. You know, he was important at some point. And baby's like, hey, Mark, do you remember me?

You remember me, right? Which is the most annoying question you can ask. You remember me? Yeah, you're just immediately making the person feel stupid. I'm telling you, you remember me. I do? So go ahead and remember me. He, you're just immediately making the person feel stupid. I'm telling you, you remember me. I do? So go ahead and remember me. He's out of his mind.

He's crazy. He didn't have like a Denzel Washington? He didn't force his way into the Vanity Fair party afterwards. Yeah, you're right. He had his family. He was off his game. He really was. The family's like his kryptonite.

Yeah. He didn't stay with you? He didn't stay with me. No. like his kryptonite yeah he didn't stay with you he didn't stay with me no he um yeah no he was uh he was disappointingly well behaved and you had a pregnant wife as your date i did very pregnant wife very pregnant great in the gown when is that when is the second child coming in a couple months so that'll be your next big project yeah i guess I guess so. Yeah. Not sleeping. Yeah. I know we sleep. I sleep through everything. You know, as long as that's a great thing about breastfeeding.

We can't do it. Yeah, it's true. It's like, well, what am I going to do? You know, I would do. I always say to Molly, you know, I would have the baby for you if I could. Jimmy's got a fishing trip planned three hours before the due date. You're going to be fine. Do we cover everything? I think so. Right. Let's see. I still can't believe. You're going to be fine. Did we cover everything?

I think so, right? Let's see. I still can't believe. Sal lost a lot of money. When is this going to end? You losing a lot of money? No, never. Did you lose on the Cubs?

No, somehow I stayed away from that. Somehow you stayed away. Somehow you didn't have the Indians. Yeah. And we had other stupid things. The Lions not to make the playoffs. No, but when you talk about. I know, I know. You talk about 3-1 Cavs. Yeah. And we had other stupid things. The Lions not to make the playoffs. No, but when you talk about, you talk about three, one calves. Yeah.

Patriots coming back for 25 down. Hillary losing to Trump. And then the envelope switch. And you're on the wrong side of all four of those. We shouldn't be in the same room as you. It's dangerous. I feel like I should have a helmet on. That plane Simmons talked about coming through.

And you also, you had Pat's Rams you lost on? That was years ago. I know. I'm trying to think of some of the other great upsets. You need to make a list and we just need to rattle it off. Where would this one rank in your worst? Super Bowl had to be worse, right?

To think you won and then it gets taken away. I had a college football game. This got me on the streak, the bad streak this year. This is boring, but Oklahoma State was winning by four with four seconds left, and they had the ball over Central Michigan. Now, you'll never get that scenario again. You're winning by four with the ball and four seconds left,

and they let the clock expire. I can can't even say it i get so crazy and they throw it out of bounds and they call it grounding which gives the defense one more play sure enough hail mary the other way and it wins unbelievable yeah that's a pretty good one yeah scott van pelt and espn they talk about bad beats but they don't they don't live them yes they don't get beat by them. I think probably the Trump-Clinton one is the worst one because we stared at it and tried to figure out ways

to go against it forever. And I had the states parlay too. The Bush thing happened. We were like, we don't need to go against this now. It's done. Last thing, it's Food Week on the ringer. And we did this top 50 fast food list. Which was voted on by the entire

staff which includes are these chains or regional chains it's there was a couple regional chains that climbed in but for the most part it was like the in-and-out burger and all that stuff right the one that won the vote was the was the uh chick-fil-a waffle fries oh interesting which won over the chicken sandwich and it's caused a lot of tension in the office. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't even name those the top fries. So what are your top fries? Nathan's. There we go.

Nathan's. So Nathan's hot dog didn't make the list either. It's a cup of fries. The salt is perfect. And there's a red fork. It's like a spear that you put on it. And when they come out they spring

they almost spring out of the cup and you get the little salt packet and you have to use it and it's great and the ketchup how about best burger

go in and out for fast food yeah it's got I mean steak shacks involved like you can steak or shake shake

all those you can go. The Shake Shack chicken sandwich I think is better than their hamburger. And an Outs hamburger is really good. You were an Arby's guy for a long time. Yeah, but I don't eat there anymore. I used to eat two Arby's sandwiches pretty much every day. Yeah, when we worked at Ben Stein's Money.

Seriously? Every day, yeah. Arby's was only 32 on the list, and Joe House was really upset about that. My 30th birthday was catered by Arby's. only 32 on the list And Joe House was really upset about that I had My 30th birthday was catered by Arby's Oh right I still I still support Arby's It's the best sauce

The Arby's sauce Yeah The barbecue sauce Of all the sauce It's tangy It's sweet How about chicken sandwich? I like the Shake Shack chicken sandwich

More than the Chick-fil-A? Yeah What do you think? It's meatier You have a Chick-fil-A Very close to this office Yeah I haven't had the Shake Shack chicken sandwich I guess I have to It's really good Tryfil-A? Yeah. It's meatier. You have a Chick-fil-A very close to this office. Yeah. I haven't had the Shake Shack chicken sandwich.

I guess I have to try it. It's really good. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Good stuff. It doesn't really compare to like In-N-Out, but I could eat 100 White Castle hamburgers right now.

Yeah. That didn't make the list either. That is so good. I still think McDonald's French fries are right up there too. Oh, by the way, In-N-Out's French fries are excellent. Yeah, they're good. They have, what, a 12-minute shelf life, though? Because they take a potato in front of you, and they cut it,

and they throw it in the deep fryer, and that doesn't happen at other places. I've rekindled my love for In-N-Out, because I had a great double-double Saturday, and it got me the melted cheese. On Food Week, you're talking about fast food huh no it's just one of the things i see we have a whole bunch of stuff we had a whole i'll send it to you how about this the meatless burger that would really hurt your feelings somebody trying to perfect the vegan i had that i tried it yeah it's okay they put there's there's a way to put

blood in it so it bleeds like a burger yeah yeah, yeah. I had one of those, and it was okay, but it didn't really taste like a hamburger. McDonald's Coca-Cola. I like Wendy's Coca-Cola best of all. What is it? Just because their machines are cut? Yeah. McDonald's is pretty good, though. They use copper tubing in their machines, someone explained to me once.

How sad a whole thing about how he thought the egg, the egg McMuffin is the most important fast food item ever created. Really? Yeah, because it like created the breakfast sandwich.

It created the breakfast industry and he's like, McDonald's had to go to the all day breakfast menu. That's how good the egg McMuffin is. It's been, there's never been anything

that compared to it. Every kid has eaten a million of them. How does that not win? Pretty good case. Yeah, it's good, but still, you know, the McDonald's hamburger's got to be the most important item in fast food history.

Yes? Yeah, I would agree with that. Yeah. It's certainly not one of my favorites, though. No, but it's still, it's the original. Yeah. I've had bad onion rings, too. Burger King doesn't get enough credit for their onion rings.

Do you want to tell Jimmy about your parlay In round one of the Vermont tournament today? Sal had the Vermont catamounts In a parlay tonight If you're worried about that he's not gambling enough I'm not going to check until tomorrow The Vermont catamounts? They were winning 41-16

This sounds like the beginning of a movie Where someone hit rock bottom I had the Vermont catamounts. He's straight after the Oscars. There's no mountains left to climb for him. No counter mountains. His wife got shown during the telecast. I mean, it's like, where else do you go to this?

That was the weirdest part of the Oscars, was seeing my parents and kids on camera in the audience. You know, when you're hosting something, you're in the middle of it, but when you're watching the monitor and you're like, oh my God, there's my parents. It's a very strange thing. It was our camera guy. A lot of our camera guys worked on it.

Yeah, right. Jimmy Kimmel, Cousin Sal, thank you. Thanks for making the time. We covered a lot. I'm glad you were able to finally tell your story. Yeah, finally. Thank you, Bill. And I'm glad we finally got a Ringer-related compliment.

I mean, that was nice. Took a lot of guts. Tell your story. Yeah, finally. Thank you, Bill. And I'm glad we finally got a Ringer-related compliment on the end. That was nice. Took a lot of guts. Is that Ringer with a W? That's it for the podcast. Thanks so much to SeatGeek. Download the SeatGeek app today or go right to SeatGeek.com. Thanks so much for Lyft. Don't forget, three free rides for up to a $30 value

if you go to Lyft and enter Bill Simmons in the payment code. And thanks to Squarespace.com. Start your free trial today. Offer code BS. Don't forget to download the new Masked Man podcast on its own feed that you can subscribe to. The Masked Man podcast, Ringer NFL show, Ringer NBA show, teed up.

All our podcasts are humming. And most important, it's NBA show, teed up. Our podcasts are humming and most important. It's food week on the ringer. If you haven't checked out some of the content, it is fantastic. Written podcasts, videos, you name it.

Who doesn't love food? Who doesn't have an opinion on food? Go check that out. We're going to be back later this week with another podcast and it's going to be an athlete that you've heard of and we also might have a coach that you've heard of we might we might team them into one podcast potentially or we might just save them for for and cut them up into two different podcasts but that's coming up the bs podcast thanks to tay frazier thanks for driving a mile and a half to Jim's office with me.

We got a picture. It was great. We didn't get to go to Chick-fil-A too bad. Back later this week on the BS podcast. I don't have feelings within On the wayside I'm a person never lost I don't have feelings within