The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 36: Katie Nolan

Episode Date: December 9, 2015

HBO's Bill Simmons catches up with Katie Nolan on the Left Coast. Topics include: L.A. sports scene (3:00 mark), Larry Bird's 59th birthday (14:00), Tom Brady's end-of-career ability (20:00), current NFL model (26:00), Katie and Jaromir Jagr's uncanny haircut (37:00), social media etiquette (48:00), Jamie Horowitz's Kobe Bryant comparison (57:00) and NHL support in November (1:05:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode is brought to you by SeatGeek, our presenting sponsor and the best app for buying and selling tickets for sports and music. Their new feature is SeatGeek Marketplace. It's an easy way to sell tickets without getting hijacked by ridiculous after the sale costs. Go to SeatGeek.com slash BS to learn how to buy and sell tickets on SeatGeek. Today's episode is also brought to you by SimpliSafe, the best way to protect your home without writing huge checks or signing long-term contracts with no way out.

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you can subscribe to this podcast and the Channel 33 podcast on iTunes, SoundCloud, or Stitcher. Catch up on any episodes you missed at billsimmonspodcast.com. And remember, I have a new show launching on HBO at some point over the next 19 years. Shout out to HBO, and we're off. I probably could have done all that before you got here. No, you did a really good job, though. Thank you. It was fun to listen to.

When's that show coming out? I don't know. Who knows? You just have to stay tuned. I went to the fight game. They were taping the fight game yesterday. HBO does this show, the boxing show, Jim Lampley. Yeah.

He read off the teleprompter for like a minute and 15 seconds straight, just completely flawlessly. And it really kind of psyched me out for everything I'm going to do. You just read that really, really well. Yeah'm he's jim lampley though like there's like five or six people who are just broadcasters like costas could just give a monologue an off-the-cuff beautiful broadcaster monologue for four and a half minutes without any flaws whatsoever i feel like i would have like 19 flaws i'm not a traditional broadcaster you're way more of a traditional broadcaster than i am that is okay maybe actually we're both a traditional i guess that's katie nolan that's katie nolan's voice right there hi

i think you're the first official female only podcast guest i've had but it's not because it's it's a weird male female thing it's because mostly it's just been my four friends who keep coming on. Wait, female only? Like you had people who were hybrids? What does that mean? No, I mean like I've had females on the podcast, but I haven't had a whole podcast with just a female guest. That's it.

He's laughing because last night I yelled at him for calling women females. We don't like it. Women? Yeah, women's good. Would I say a woman guest? No, no, a female guest lady female as a descriptor is fine but when you say like when it comes to females that's bad don't do that women women ladies women ladies girls not good bitches

bitches i wouldn't have said yeah that would have been a bad start to the podcast you're in Los Angeles. Yep. You're scared of Los Angeles. No. No, you're a little scared. A little scared. Not really.

A little scared. There's no sports fans out here. That's not true. It is. See, now you're putting me in a position where I have to defend Los Angeles, the city that gave us the Lakers and Kobe Bryant. This is how it always goes with us, that you defend LA to me, when I'm pretty sure you hated it here, too, originally. When I hated it when I got here? No, like before you came here, you were like, ew, L.A.

I kind of still hate L.A. Yeah, okay. But it's great to live here. I mean, look at today. You strolled up, you're wearing a sleeveless shirt because it's so warm outside. It's great. You'd be in Boston, you'd have like a parka on scarf gloves but like i don't want to work today being inside and working and looking out at this lovely day is torture at least in new york or boston

it's rainy and cold and it's like i might as well work so you're saying the east coast and how depressing the weather situation is which then depresses the people. It makes people want to work because that's really their only recourse. Yeah. I find my happiness in my work because there's nothing else to make me happy in New York. Well, there's drinking and eating. Well, yeah. But you can get that anywhere.

This is an interesting topic because I worry about this sometimes with when weather makes people too happy. Yeah. Does it reduce their drive? It does. And also like games are on really early out here. But that part's good though. No, it's not good.

No, that's good. It's good for, I mean, it doesn't really matter for us because it's our job to watch them. But like if you worked an office job, then sometimes games are on like four o'clock. You're still at work. You just leave early. You can just leave early whenever you want to just go you guys are so lazy if you go back after you've had football the way it is now when you go back east and you're waiting until one o'clock for the first game it feels like it's a hundred hours long well so i wake up at like noon on sunday so it's sort of like how it is out here.

That's true. You don't have kids. Just wait till you have one kid. That's all going to change. Okay. And then I need to move to LA. No, noon is like when you take a nap after you've been up for seven hours. Oh, God.

That sounds awful. Yeah. Stick it out for as long as you can. Are there good things about kids or we're just going with straight up? Yeah. They take care of you when you're old. That part's good. You have somebody to like handle your stuff when you're old. That part's good. You have somebody to like handle

your stuff when you're dead. Well, I don't care what happens to my stuff because I'm dead. It's got to go somewhere. Now, kids are great as long as they turn about five and a half. If they make it to five and a half, they become people. Now it's fun. Like I hang out with my daughter now.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Alright. Go out, go to hockey games. Oh yeah, that's right. You're making your kids Kings fans. No, it's fun. Like I hang out with my daughter now. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. All right. Go out, go to hockey games. Oh yeah, that's right. You're making your kids Kings fans. No, they made themselves Kings fans. The one thing I talked to Sal about this on Monday, the one thing I didn't like, this is the first time I've been in this situation. You know how little, you wouldn't know this, little kids, you might know this part.

I might know this. Little kids love Steph Curry. I didn't know that. Like if Steph Curry, if there was a presidential election where little kids could also vote, Steph Curry would be our next president. All the kids would vote for him under like 15. So Odell Beckham's like a very poor man's version of that. Little kids love Odell Beckham because of the one-handed catches and he's fun to watch.

Because fantasy is ruining sports and they see people, they don't see teams. Yes, exactly. So my son kind of, somebody at school likes Odell Beckham and then he's fun to watch. Because fantasy is ruining sports and they see people, they don't see teams. Yes, exactly. So my son kind of, somebody at school likes Odell Beckham and then he's kind of like, who's this Odell Beckham? And he went on YouTube and he saw a couple catches

and then we were watching football on Sunday and Odell Beckham in the first quarter made an unbelievable one-hand catch over the middle. My son was really into it. He's like throwing me some passes. He's trying to catch one hand. He's like, Odell, Odell over the middle. And I'm middle and i'm like wait a second this is terrible what's happening you're pretending you're a giant that's not good so then i kicked him out good i was gonna say bad parenting but

yeah yeah i didn't realize it took me like three minutes but um i've talked about this before but you really have to establish boundaries with your kid if you're not living in the city where all the teams are yeah and basically they can root for whoever but they just can't root for certain teams like your kids won't be lakers fans right right yankees yeah giants yeah um mets jets i'd say jets don't want to be jets fans just for their own sake the jets are kind of sad though it's almost like yeah it's it's they're not threatening all right that was really insulting to the jets it was they're not that threatening though it's almost like yeah it's it's they're not threatening all right that was really insulting to the jets it was they're not that threatening though it's like oh my son's a jets fan it's

it's like no that's not a sentence i would say though you can't let your son be a jets fan i don't think it's gonna happen because why would he be what is he a huge ryan fitzpatrick fan like ryan fitzpatrick's beard captivates oh I love Harvard, so I want to be a jet. Doesn't make sense. So the last time we did a podcast together, I was working for Espen. Yep. I don't know, when was it? Like last spring?

It was right before my show launched. So when did your show launch? March 15th, so it was probably around like March, beginning of March, I think. Yeah, so that was the beginning of this year, basically. And now we're at the end of the year. Yeah. I feel like you have some momentum. I don't want to jinx it, but.

You just did, though. Well, a little bit. People know when your show's on. It's midnight, Wednesday nights. Yeah, midnight Eastern, nine o'clock out here. Nine o'clock out here. Yeah, that's right. Not as helpful for you at the nine o'clock out here.

You're going against a lot of TV. Yeah. But you've gotten some momentum. You've had some viral stuff. Yeah launched a podcast yeah you've kind of you're establishing your corner i'm making my my brand your corner yeah it's a little like uh i don't know marlo season four just just kind of kind of nailing it down yeah all right i'll give you that but you said you were working really hard, though. Yeah.

But it's a half-hour show every week, so how are you working that hard? Tell me what you're doing. Well, we don't have a big team of people. We have like five. I mean, you met everybody when you came by the show. You were basically working in a closet. Yeah, and that's our big studio

because we just built this podcast studio. That's where you saw, but then we have the downstairs studio, which is even smaller than that. I mean, we have a really small team. So we're trying to come up with things and book people and make 22 solid minutes. 22, 10? Don't look at him.

22, 10. I'm trying to think about the exact. 21, 20. No, look at me. Keep your attention over here. 21 minutes and 20 seconds of solid television every week. So yeah, it sounds crazy to think that we work five days a week, a ton of time for 21 minutes and 20 seconds.

But we do because everything we do is so weird and different because we're just trying to see what sticks right now. You're doing it the right way, which is you just have to try shit. Yeah. We can swear on this podcast. Oh, amazing. Because I said bitch and you got, you like, ooh. I didn't know. So fuck that shit. shit i got scared let's get into it um no you should be trying stuff

because the show you have won't be really the show you have for like two years yeah that's what everybody keeps saying yeah and i don't start stuff against the wall scary yeah well so eventually hopefully we'll move to like more days a week and we'll have found more days a week yeah what does that mean like like every day that would be ideal or like monday through thursday yeah oh look at you yeah that would be great i don't know if it's gonna happen i would love for it to happen so right now we're just trying to find bits that we like that we can reuse so that'll be easier when that happens because we won't be able to work this hard on every single show when we have four of them to do in a week. Well, four nights a week, you'd have a little more of an interview crutch, I'm guessing.

Yeah. Yes. We'd be a little up against it. So the way the show evolved so far, initially you were doing basically what you did when you were online, where you're writing stuff, writing a whole bunch of jokes and firing them off. And now you seem like you're experimenting more with the format. Yeah, because we don't have an audience.

So it's tough to write into a format that works really well with an audience. Yeah. Because we just have the three producers chuckling in the background sometimes. But like one of them is usually running prompter and one of them is trying to do audio levels. And so no one can actually focus on laughing at jokes. And they're all hilarious and deserve laughter. Right. But we figured instead of writing the show we wanted to make with the resources that we have we wrote the

show that we can do with the resources that we have you know when you say prompter were you talking about that that guy who's just basically scrolling with a mac so that was when you came or his ipad we didn't have an ipad well so you gave us like yeah look at the prompter i'm like that's an iPad You gave us Like five minutes warning That you were coming It was like seven Seven minutes

So we don't have prompter In the upstairs studio And we didn't have access To the downstairs studio So it was like What the fuck are we gonna do? So we had Our producer

I think it was Chris Kirk Scrolling through a laptop For you So that you had A prompter He like was on his knees That whole segment, which was really impressive. But we have actual teleprompters

downstairs. Gotcha. I don't think you gave me enough credit for my stop-by. You crushed it. But I didn't know I was going to be able to do it because I was in that JFK to New York City rush hour traffic, which is usually like 17 hours. Yeah, you never know. Could be two hours, could be an hour. And I was able

to bust through it. Something happened. Some lane opened up and then all of a sudden we were doing a cameo. I feel like our cameo would have been much better if we'd had like an hour though. Like we only had like 12 minutes. It would have been fantastic. But we had you for 10 minutes. Yeah.

I think it was good for the time we had. Yeah. It was fine. It was an unexpected fun surprise. People told me that they thought we wrote it specifically like we had yeah yeah it was fine it was an unexpected people told me that they thought they thought we wrote it specifically like we had planned in advance that the um back to the future day we were going to book bill simmons on that day and yeah that was funny how that worked out yeah the fact that people thought we wrote it specifically for you and planned it with you was

like cool because we wrote it about five minutes before we did it so you're not even 30 yet like movie like back to the future is that do you even yeah i love that okay good so you're the generation after the generation but it was on cable all the time you watch that i think so because i feel like i'm i'm almost now two generations removed from people which is really scary like i'm almost done it's really this is like my last hurrah because. I'm starting to hit the age where you make references to movies you liked that people look at you and are like, what are you talking about? So like a Ferris Bueller. Like those high school kids. Yeah, like a Ferris Bueller reference and people are like, what is that?

Like, what do you mean? What is that? I think there's a certain number of movies that I don't care how old you are. I agree. Your parents should have made you watch that movie. You're preaching in the choir. Yeah, I know. Because like Larry Bird turned 59 yesterday. Yikes. are your parents should have made you watch that movie you're preaching in the choir yeah i know because i like larry bird turned 59 yesterday yikes and i was thinking when he peaked in the

mid-80s that was also when i peaked as well so so when i was in the mid-80s it would be like when somebody was talking about george mikan you're like oh whatever george mikan so now 30 years later i want like i really worry like when when i talk about somebody like bird if people under 25 are like whatever dude he's still a white guy he sucked there's no way i mean maybe but probably everyone is so in the moment yeah although the steph curry thing's legit like i'm actually condoning this genuinely worried to see what fantasy sports does to like kids and their involvement in sports because now kids all have dear how old are your kids my kids are 10 and 8 do you give them do they have iphones and ipads and my daughter has like an old iphone that doesn't actually it isn't you're not it it's restricted. Like she can use the wifi, but it doesn't have like a number.

Yeah, she can use the wifi in her house. We get to look at everything she does on it. It doesn't get to leave the house. It's all that stuff. And she's how old? 10 and a half. Ay, ay, ay. It's too young.

Too young for a phone. No, but you don't understand. Does she have like a Snapchat? You don't want that? No, no, no. She doesn't have any of that stuff. Instagram? No.

Don't let them do it until they're like're like 21 well this is what i'm saying i've seen kids with instagram accounts that are like seven and a half what are you instagramming and they're always on their phone yeah maybe but they're like kids now have like eight fantasy teams because if you think about it fantasy you got to find a league and in in school, when you're growing up, you have so many friends because they're like friends. You know, they're not like actual friends of yours. Nowadays, when we need to make a league, it's like, I got to go with people I've met or that I know through work. But you never know more people. Yeah.

You never know more people than when you're in school. And so kids are in a fuck ton of leagues and are just all about individual players. And no one ever really, I don't think kids care about teams as much anymore. Well, and then the other problem is, like when I was a kid, or even when I was like in junior high, high school, whatever, it was really hard to see other teams

other than the teams that were on in your city. Yeah, that's true. And now it's like, you could be a Warriors fan, you could see every Warriors game. Yeah. And when they come to town. You could buy Warriors tickets on StubHub. Yeah.

Or make your parents do it. Or whatever. Yeah. There's availability that didn't exist. And I think we all. Like when Red Zone became a thing. We all looked at it as convenience for us. But didn't think about.

Kids. That wouldn't grow up watching all. Like a full football game and then switch to Red Zone. They just want to only watch Red Zone. So now getting a kid to watch an entire football game is probably torturous for them. They just want to see all the touchdowns.

That's why baseball is in trouble. Yeah. Because my kid wouldn't even conceive of watching a baseball game. There's just no way. You have to teach them the value of it. You're in LA. It's really tough. You guys are supposed to be the people who slow everything down.

I know a lot of people with kids, and I only know two younger kids, two of those kids who actually grasped baseball. And they both played it. And it started with the video game. The video game is very important for this stuff. Yeah, but it's probably the least fun video game. The baseball. Baseball video game is, I agree.

It's not, there's too much to do. It's always been that way. They've never figured out video baseball. Like the last baseball video game I played that I enjoyed was that Little League game.

The Little League World Series game for Nintendo. I didn't know they had that. Oh yeah. Little League World Series? Yeah. What happens? Do the kids cry

when they're down 9-0? No, because their graphics weren't that advanced at the time. But I was always Japan. Japan was a really good team in that game. So when I was growing up, and I lived in Brooklyn until eighth grade. But if anybody was a fan of anyone other than a Boston team, I don't even know what we would have done or said. We all would have been just confused.

He would have been like an alien. And now I feel like well then my my generation started started that they i've started shift a little yeah a lot of like a la carte sports fan friends who are like yeah i like the spurs but i also like the vikings it's like why where did you why did you do that though i just picked them because i liked players on those teams the years that I was growing up. There's a lot of that now. Yeah, we had some of that because you saw it with like because the Patriots, you know, the Patriots are in the late 70s. But for the most part, they're kind of sad sacks. And there were people that drifted a little bit towards Steelers, Cowboys because they were always winning and they were always on.

Didn't like those kids. You don't go with the winner. Did not want to winner friends with those kids yeah because though you know those kids came back when the patriots got good it's like you're not welcome here you left you're not welcome back go be a steelers fan so the pit you were like were you even high school yet when the patriots got good yeah yes or like right before high school because you missed the whole era when the patriots were like the worst thing you could have had in your life. So I missed a lot of the Boston heartbreak.

And I'm very aware of that. But I also like went to Red Sox games with my dad. That's how I liked baseball. And he would relay all of the years of devastation to me to the point where I feel like I almost lived in myself. Cause he didn't ever, when I said you missed it, I think it's a good thing.

It isn't though. It wasn't that, it wasn't that fun. I know, but that's, I think we're, we're like on the cusp of getting there again. We're going to have that dark,

you know, winter is coming for Boston sports. You think so? Once, once Brady retires. Yeah. In seven years. Yeah, sure.

I just don't want Brady to go out like Peyton. I want him to, when it's his time, which isn't now, go with a little bit of dignity. So in the early 90s when Bird kind of went down, he was wearing the 30-pound Brack Brayids. He's slogging through games. Um, what you realize is you, you, first of all, you remember the good games and none of the terror. Like he had a bunch of bad games.

I don't remember any of those at this point. I just remember the good ones, but in the moment it did, the stakes were different. Cause you know, he's not the same guy, but you're just rooting for him to recapture it. And you get there.

And then when it happens, like, Oh, he's there. There it is. It's back. Like Kobe right now. Yeah. like kobe now except kobe it's never back it's just gone completely and manning i feel like the same thing except for that one packers game when all of a sudden he was throwing darts a couple sunday nights ago it was kind of his last hurrah yeah

when brady gets there i don't see it just being terrible like that. I think it'll just be a gradual, all of a sudden he's just not as efficient and it's almost like a slow and inexorable crawl toward mediocrity. You know what I mean? It was very poetic. Manning was like physically he just broke. And you could see his face was like, every time he threw it was like, ow.

Four neck surgeries. He had no zip on the ball. Brady, I don't, if it slips, there would have to be an injury first. And I think he would just have to become immobile and just start taking a ton of hits. That's what happened to Dan Marino. Dan Marino, there was just target practice on him. I don't want to see Tommy like that. When you're in New York, what do people say about the Patriots?

Do they make fun of you? Yeah, of course. They call you a cheater? It's like you cheated. Oh my God, all the time. It's like we cheated. It's like we're the cheaters. What do people say about the Patriots? Do they make fun of you? Yeah, of course. They call you a cheater? It's like you cheated. Oh my God, all the time. It's like we cheated. It's like we're the cheaters. It's my fault.

I'm the deflator. Yeah. I knew it was going on. Yep, the whole time. It's such a dumb controversy. People still talk about that out here? Is that still a thing? I don't think anyone's talking about it at this point.

I do think that it seems like people have gone one or two away with the Patriots. Either the hatred is as strong and as fervent and passionate as it's ever been or there's like a begrudging

respect that they're still good after all these years and that Brady's 38 and like all his rivals have died off and Manning was the last one

and he's still like chugging along. Now you see Drew Brees although he looked pretty good on Sunday but Brady's just outlasted all these people people there's this picture of him with dion branch they honored dion branch yeah sunday's game like dm ranch was drafted after brady and retired like four years ago oh shit you know yeah and it's just brady's just outlasted everyone

who's ever played with he's still chugging along because of that because of that guy alex carrera yeah i worry about that guy a little bit you know what i do too but when when i see articles of people being like oh he pushes his snake oil salesman on people i don't i don't think tom brady's that smart i think this guy works whatever he does for tom brady works for tom br. It's gotten him to this amazing career. And if people want to talk about Brady's physical training and how he got to where he is, Brady's like, why don't you talk to my trainer? I don't think he's pushing this sketchy dude and his weird science, but I imagine that

guy's probably somehow stealing some money from him or something. Yeah. Like you wouldn't be shocked if there was a massive real sports piece about him a long time from now. I don't think he's a great guy necessarily. I don't know much about him, but I don't think it reflects on Tom Brady as much as people want it to desperately. Yeah, people, they try to,

people's real goal would be for this guy to have some connection with like the HGH doctor that got tied with A-Rod and all those people who was bringing stuff over from Canada or whatever he was bringing. And then it became a whole thing. Like that's what people want this to be. And I don't think that's it.

I don't think it's that. It's almost more toward the Scientology side of things. There was a deadspin thing on it. That was like, he got asked by, I think it was a hockey team. I don't know who it was. Maple Leafs maybe? To talk to the athletes.

And he wanted his trainer to do it. And they were like, look at these emails where he says this and this. And he pushes them. I'm like, I don't think that's really that bad. Didn't you feel bad for Brady that his emails leaked out? Yeah, I did. I thought that was terrible. Did you read the pool cover one, though?

Yeah. I love that he has normal people problems. But who wants their emails to come out like that? That was terrible. I certainly would not. That's terrible. We have to say hi to our friends at stamps.com. The holidays are here.

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bonus offer that includes postage and a digital scale. Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone on the top of the homepage and type in BS stamps.com enter BS. The post office does suck. It does suck. We have a producer on our show who does a very good impersonation of you doing a stamps.com promo read. Was it, is his imitation better or worse than my thing?

Um, I'd say they're about the same that's how imitations go they're pretty much the same yeah you should he's really good at it live reads are tough they are there's an art to them i you don't have to worry about it you're on your fancy tv show i'm just here doing my adidas ones on my podcast oh you do yeah i do was that a corporate sponsor shout out? I can do my read right now. How many podcasts have you done? This is, I think we just did our ninth.

So this week will be 10. What was the best one? Last week was actually very solid. I'd say maybe week two or one or two or three. We started off strong. They're pretty good. You had Beatle on. Yeah.

Skype. You know, I still haven't met her Like physically face to face I know That was a weird face She's here now You should just meet her now I texted her You're in LA

But she's busy I know She's a very busy woman Maybe I'll see her Just drive to her house Stand outside with the radio NFL changed for you at all Over the last year and a half

By how scummy they've been With different things? Yeah. Yeah. Like, I tried not for it, too, but it did a little. What changed? Do you care as much? Not as much.

I mean, I still care. I don't want to act like I have some very strong moral compass that stops me from watching football. But it's harder than I thought it was going to be just hearing names that you're used to hearing in other contexts of how they're awful people. And then we celebrate them because they sacked somebody. It's kind of shitty. I've had the weirdest football fan season. I think I've ever had.

I think it's, it's weird to watch the games and to constantly have the whole concussion thing. Yeah. Is he hurt? Wow, he got a little wobbly there. He gets up. And there were some bad ones this season so far. The really bad ones.

Where you're just like, can we not zoom in on Teddy Bridgewater sleeping, taking a nap in the middle of the field? Right. I don't need to see that. And I also think that the way they actually play football, I don't know if you can change it. Like I go to a lot of hockey games and the hockey players have really figured out how to change their style of how they play to kind of accommodate for all the safety stuff. Like they can do it. Like they'll hold back on a check in the boards or like slamming somebody's head in the when they're not looking at the open ice checks, all that stuff.

They've kind of cooled off on the stuff that, you know, I definitely grew up with and even you grew up with, like the Stevens hit on Eric Lindros in center ice. Like, you'd get suspended for the season if you did that now. Right. And they figured out how to navigate around it and the games changed. And also you'll get your ass kicked

the next time you're on the ice. True. Somebody will come at you. Yeah. In football, these guys are so big and so strong and going so fast. And getting bigger and getting stronger every year. With no checks and balances for the bigger, faster, stronger stuff because I don't know how much, how natural it is.

Yeah. I think, you know, I'm a little dubious. But these guys, these guys, I don't know how you hold up when you're going 23 miles an hour and you've already launched and at the last second the wide receiver ducks his head and it looks fine when we're watching split you know split second instant replay that's slowing everything down to the insta second

but at real speed how do you make that decision? so I think you just get rid of helmets get rid of helmets. Get rid of helmets completely. No helmets. You're not going to launch your head into another guy's head if your head isn't covered. Because if I hit you with this part of my head, the front, like the forehead part, with a helmet on, and I get like your temple area, I'll be fine.

You're screwed now But if we both have No helmet on Then I'm not gonna ram my head into your head Well maybe I mean I have before but you really pissed me off that day That's my hot take No helmets

Let's go back to leather heads So you're saying no helmets The pads are much different What about weight limits Do we need 375 pound Offensive linemen That fall on each other and just their legs bend In different directions

I feel like that's happening more than ever I don't know what the stats are for that Like the Giants have lost Five offensive linemen now I think I think they've lost all five starters I don't want to live in a world where Vince Wilfork isn't a thing. You know? If we had a weight limit, then I would never see him on the grill, like, dancing while he makes ribs.

And my life would be worse. So you're saying to keep the Vince Wilforks of the world, you're willing to sacrifice all this? Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. I don't care about concussions. I care more about seeing that fat man dance seeing him get excited about yeah I love a fat guy touchdown well I wonder like so Vince Woolfork what's he gonna look like and he'll retire after this season what's he gonna look like in two years will he be like 75 pounds

lighter I was gonna say what if he got super fit he He retired and... I think that happens, though. Yeah? Like that guy Jeff Saturday, the Colts center, he did TV. He was like 70 pounds lighter when he started doing TV. I think these guys have to bulk up because they need... I wonder what percentage of Vince Wilfork is muscle. And what is delicious fat. know i don't think sumo wrestler i don't think i think if you poke him i don't think it's i think it's soft i don't think any of it's really muscly so that's losable yeah yeah they say the bad fat is the fat like when it's hard because that means it's in between your vital organs.

The guy I want to see, I do think, I keep coming back to Adam Silver and how he's running the NBA. You even saw it with Philadelphia, right? Yeah. Philadelphia, they did this whole plan. They're basically like, we're going to stink. We don't care. We don't care what kind of product we put out.

We're just going to try to get good draft picks. And this is our plan. And there's no rule in the league that can really stop us from doing this. So they did this for a couple years. They made five picks. They never ended up with a franchise player out of those five lottery picks they had. And I'm not even sure if they have a guaranteed all-star. And they're going to these other NBA cities, and nobody's going to the games.

And the people who own the teams are like, what the hell? Like, this is a Sixer game. I might as well not even have a game other than have these guys show up. The people in Philly don't care. Adam Silver says, he brings in Jerry Colangelo. He's like, I'm bringing an adult to help you run this team. I don't know if the NFL has somebody like that. I mean, forget about Goodell.

Who's the guy who's going to be like, hey guys, I have a five-year plan to make our game safer. I don't think they care. Yeah, I don't think they care either. It's more successful than ever. Yeah, all they care about is how to make it look like they care.

Not about actually caring, because actually caring will cost them money, cost them resources, and it'll cost them time. and it'll cost them time. And it could cost them viewers. People might lose out on wanting to watch football if it's not, you know, macho. It does seem like it's more popular than it's ever been, football. I don't think people are going away in droves or any of that stuff is there

a tipping point though there has to be where another sport comes back and then it's that sports time for a while like right now it's football but basketball is the best position because it's got the marketable guys but the the gap between the basketball ratings and the football ratings it's like no contest yeah you could put the worst thursday night game ever on versus the best nba you could have the warriors going tonight against cleveland yeah on tnt and it wouldn't do as well as football i think it's because football did it the opposite way that everybody else would have to do it now to be football was like a sunday thing it was all you knew what day it was on. It was only on that day. And then it grew to, which one was first, Monday?

Monday. And then it grew to Thursday. Don't forget Sunday night. Well, yeah. So it was Sunday, then Sunday night, then Monday, then Thursday. And it's sort of expanding slowly so that even when there's a crappy Thursday night game on, we want football so badly because we haven't had it since Monday that we watch it. And it's growing backwards.

So you're saying it's almost like cigarettes. It's good to start in one concentrated, I know there's only this many weeks to the season, there's only this many games and I only have to watch them on Sunday. Very easy to consume. Whereas if you're a hockey fan or a basketball fan, it's like I don't necessarily know

which night we have a game and then there's all these other games on these other nights and it's too much to keep track of. And there's so many games in a season like baseball. There's so many games in that season, but football is about the length of a post season in another sport. Yeah. It's easily consumable. You look forward to it when it comes back yep it's like oh football's coming back it's like the hall of fame it's like in and out which probably wouldn't be that great if it were everywhere and we could have it all the time but because you can only have it when you're in certain areas you look forward to it you go to it you get excited that's what baseball should do they would never lose the gates though but baseball should be 140 games i don't think

you can go backwards i don't think you can go backwards i don't think you can go from having a huge season and be like we're just actually going to do the postseason instead is that cool with everybody but that would be great because look at any other sports post season ratings i think are great and they're fun to watch they're exciting there's stakes it's not like well we're at the beginning of the season and there's hundreds more of these so i don't really basketball and hockey could do it. I feel like hockey is the one especially that really needs a shorter season. Going to these freaking regular season games in October.

That just don't matter. They don't matter at all. And everyone in hockey, 16 of the teams make the playoffs anyway. So there's no urgency at all. And they're just skating around. And it's hockey hockey unlike almost unlike basketball it's like basketball like i'm going to see anthony davis tonight in hockey i guess chicago's like that there's a couple teams but not going through the league these teams show up

and you're like oh that guy hey that guy looks familiar but it's just not the same you're basically paying for the product not the players yeah and I love the product. Me too. That's why I like hockey more than basketball, because I like team more than star. And the fans are great. It's like old school fans. We have in our section, this guy, whoever the goalie is, it would be like Crawford. Hey, Crawford! And then everyone else yells, you suck! And he goes, hey, Crawford!

And he does it like 10 times and everyone gets you suck and my kids think this kid this guy's like a hero he's like an American hero they just love this guy the you suck guy so the but the best is when the goalies have these weird names like hey Vasilevsky it's like seven syllable names but you hear some really rude things at hockey games still I like it it's like it's like a bridge to an old culture. Yeah. An old politically incorrect culture. They have those family sections where they put people that you can't drink beer in those sections and it's all children.

Yeah. And it's kind of nice if somebody yells at me for cursing at a hockey game. I'm like, fuck you. Sit in the family section. This is not the family section. Yeah. I always worry about whether i'm too liberal with swearing and stuff with my kids like when we listen to music if we listen to like kanye or

somebody i can't do the edited lyrics i just can't is that too much of a sacrifice it just feels mutilated it's i want my kids to like music i don't want them to like like this mutilated version of music so you have to train them to not say not say certain words when they're and just kind of mute themselves and that's a parenting great all right great fantastic i want my kids to listen to mutilated music your kid's gonna drop an n-bomb in a bad situation no that'll never happen it could no what if they're rapping along to lyrics that you didn't edit for them what if they're rapping along to lyrics that you didn't edit for them in front of their friends no they know that they know to mute it yeah well

once they start drinking they might not you never know drinking they're like eight yeah i know you've got time you've got three years three years three years so they pick up a beer i have when did you when did you turn on your parents what year 12 like when did i start to openly just fight with them all the time yeah when did you just like you all of a sudden your hormones are going nuts you're like my i hate my mom i want to run over in a car i well that i never thought but would it make you feel better if i said that i did is this what do you need to talk about some stuff no i'm just worried i have like i'm a year and a half away from, and it might not happen. Maybe my kids will just continue to love us.

Middle school. Middle school. I resented my mother because she gave me an awful haircut and wouldn't let me grow it out until high school. What did it look like? So it's like, it was a little bit like Yarmir Yager, but like a little shorter. I think you've tweeted you've tweeted about this before i definitely have the yarmir yager is really rough it it was a it was a bad

haircut by everyone's standards my mom nowadays says that it gave me my personality uh which could be true but also it gave me a lot of shit in middle school. Like middle school is when kids are the meanest. I know high school, the movies are always about high school but middle school was really mean. Yeah. Because it's the first time the attractive girls start to realize they're attractive and it's the first time the not attractive girls realize,

oh shit, wait, I don't have that. Right. And so we get very, it was a bad time. And I had braces. I wasn't doing myself any favors for that all to happen in the same span it's good for you to work on your personality so that's how I made friends by liking sports

and trying to be funny so it all worked out so then once I finally grew my hair out and was like oh I feel like a pretty girl then I kind of sucked for a while and then I got over it and went back to who I actually was it's very difficult being a woman in the world i like that to your daughter take good care of her i it's my number one thing that i think about all the time it's really over

everything else i really worry about all this stuff with girls it sucks you can see it in fifth grade fifth grade she's in fifth grade now fifth grade is when it starts that's because that's when school dances start. Oh. For me, it was. Fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth grade. No? No. Don't let her go to those.

Mean things happen. You have the triangles. You have the two girls. The three girls, but two girls are always closer than the third girl. Never let your daughter have friends in threes. Yeah, ever. Because two will always gang up on the third. The triangles start in third grade, but in fifth grade is when they start to get mean. Yeah, they're bad. Yeah. Ever. Because two will always gang up on the third. The triangles start in third grade but in fifth grade is when they start to get mean. Yeah they're bad.

Yeah. I listen to the conversations down in the car like I'm pretending I'm just playing the radio or something but I'm really listening to everything they're saying. Yeah. And listen and talk about other girls. I'm like oh my god. My daughter's ten and a half. Like this is the next 50 60 years of her life is her complaining

about other friends to the friend that when that friend leaves the car, there'll be another girl in there and then they'll probably end up talking about some. Teach your daughter to, to, to love all women. That's what I've been trying.

It's so hard. Cause we're raised to think, to see other women as competition for everything all the time. You're not supposed to be friends with all of them. Whereas boys, you guys were friends with everybody. We're like dogs. And you sort of like wrestled when you got into fights.

And then you moved on with it. Whereas we turn around and tell our other friends. And it's just a bad. Just tell her that all women are wonderful. And to make everybody her friend. Trying to do that. Try. You know what's a hard conversation to have?

Is to talk about how careful you have to be with who you trust with information. Because you even see it in fifth grade. You tell somebody, yeah, I don't like the way that girl dresses or something. Don't tell her. Yeah, I won't tell her. And then she tells somebody and then it goes and it gets back. They always tell. They always tell.

So our thing is like, who are your friends that you would trust completely? 100%? Who do you trust? And it's a smaller list than you think. It's like, that's, those are the people you should tell that stuff. But kids don't have a grasp of trust.

They don't, but you can work on them a little bit because you know, kids are, kids do have the instincts though. But anyway, with girls, I mean, you see it like a fifth grade is definitely the transition year for that

stuff. Cause then you have puberty starting. Girls starting to, you know, things are happening. That's going to be a fun conversation to have. Well, she had a friend that it happened. What happened? You know. Oh, all right.

Yeah. Yeah, all right. Yeah. Did she get it? Was she confused? What do you mean? How do you handle that? Is that a mom conversation?

I stayed out. Mom does that? Here's how I handled it handled it i stayed in here my dad wanted to talk to me i couldn't i would have no words to say to my father i stayed out that's where that's where the wife really really becomes valuable kind of laying it out but somehow my son overheard it he a lot of questions most of them are appropriate yeah a lot of questions. Oh, God. Most of them were inappropriate. Yeah. A lot of inappropriate questions. Give me one. Tell me one. Him creating a song called The Tampon Song.

Oh, God. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Sounds like a hit. Yeah. So you think the Yaramir Yager haircut that you got is really responsible for your career? I might have a picture of it. Can you tweet it after we put up the link to the podcast?

Maybe, except maybe not. My mom will love to hear me say that it's responsible for my career. She would love that too much. You know, you said how girls who are good looking, like in fifth, sixth grade, and they get the confidence from that. And it just kind of goes. So my mom, shout out to my mom, has this Kobe Bryant theory that she has actually about everybody. Okay. And her theory is this.

When a woman is like 16, 17, if they're pretty and they're getting attention from guys, they think they're that person for the rest of their life. So that person can now be a 70-year-old old lady and be 200 pounds heavier. And she still thinks of herself as a 70. This is my mom's theory, not mine. She still thinks of herself as the hot 17-year-old who had all the guys vying for her. And her theory is this is Kobe Bryant's problem right now. He still thinks he's great, Kobe. He's trapped in I'm 22-year is this is Kobe Bryant's problem right now. He still thinks he's still trapped in. I'm 22 year old. Awesome. Kobe Bryant. Yeah. And that's just, he's always going

to think that he's always going to think he's great at basketball. He's never going to realize that that was an interesting theory. That is an interesting theory. My mom has a lot of bad theories, but that one actually made me think a little bit. Well, so in college and after college, um, I gained a bunch of weight as as girls do yeah college is rough bad eating habits bad drinking i can kind of prove your mom's theory in that i was still interacting with people as if i was skinny katie and thought i was you know cute and i and i it took somebody being like tell your fat friend to shut up for me to go oh my god is that me i'm the fat friend you're looking you're looking around like, fat who?

Wait, this personality isn't cute when I'm chubby? I still did it. I didn't care. But yeah, I guess that theory is... Are you looking for a picture or are you doing text? No, I'm looking for me as a child. But I think once my mom sends them to me, I delete them because I don't want anyone to...

I would rather a nude leak than a picture of me as a child. You know, that's something that's, by the way, if a nude leaked, it would last like a day and then everybody would go on to the next terrible thing that happened. Like, no, I'd say two days. They're not bad. They're worth taking two days of, of the, of your life. And then you move on. My daughter's generation is now learning it's like

the generation of no shame yeah it's just everybody's you can get any photo of anyone or any terrible story about anyone and it's just all online you can just nobody's perfect it's crazy that's kind of what they're learning hey you know who is perfect who um katie you grew up in a town outside of boston Framingham, Massachusetts, a town big enough to get two Mass Pike exits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The Route 30 exit. What was the other one? Route 9. Yeah. Okay. Uh, growing up, you can't remember life without Dunkin' Donuts, I bet. I cannot. In 2015, you have all these new hotshot coffee places popping up left and right.

You have coffee chains in the body. You have coffee machines. Dunkin' Donuts just keeps fighting everyone off. It's a little like the Brady Belichick Patriots. That's what it reminds me of. Just the machine, the excellence of the machine. Anyway, it's my pleasure to tell you about the DD Perks loyalty program. It's how Dunkin' Donuts shows its appreciation to its loyal fans.

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Participation may vary. D.D. Perks loyalty program. You must be loyal to Dunkin' Donuts since you're a Massachusetts person. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. So it's not even a very good one. It's a picture of a picture from my mom. Ooh.

That is a little Yager-ish. Oh, man. It gets, it got worse through the years. Why did she do that to you? Because, um, no, that's a cute one. No, that's a cute one. I was cute then. That's before I cut it. Yeah, that's not bad. It went much that's a cute one. I was cute then. That's before I cut it.

Yeah, that's not bad. It went much shorter than that. Yeah, they're not good. All you're missing is a hockey helmet. Yeah. Well, I had one for a little while. Most famous people from Framingham. I just looked this up.

Oh, you did? Yeah, I was preparing. Lumerloni. Crispus Attucks. Okay. Rich Gedman. Yep. Krista McAuliffe, the astronaut.

Yeah. Nancy Travis, actress. I don't know who that is. She was in a whole bunch of stuff in the 90s. And Tony Barbieri, Jimmy Kimmel Live Writer. Oh, yep. Yep. I knew that because he's my friend's uncle.

That's it. Am I not on that list? That's rude. This was me at my wedding. You made that list. I think you're definitely. That's not a bad list? That's rude This was me at my wedding You made that list I think you're definitely That's not a bad one That hair Are you seeing the hair?

Your hair's fine Oh my god You're out of your mind These aren't good enough He's seen some really awful ones But I delete them Hey When people do interviews

With you and Beat On all these people They always want to talk about How mean social media is To women in sports And you always yell at me For I'm not I don't want to talk about how mean social media is to women in sports. And you always yell at me for... I don't want to talk about that. The only reason I brought it up was I'm not going to talk about that.

I don't know why people always have these... All right, put your phone down. Now it's like being with my daughter. You're right. Wow, that's bad. You need to take your daughter's phone away. No, because now these friends are texting her now. And it's like they have a whole fifth grade text chain.

It's not good. Oh, it is the dumbest conversation you're ever going to read in your life. A lot of three letter. So you go through her phone? Oh, yeah. At the end of the night? Beginning of the day? Whenever I want.

I can go through my phone. She can delete messages, you know. No, she wouldn't do that. But she could do that. She can't lie to me. I know when she's lying. Well, you think you know when she's lying. Well, you think you know when she's lying. Her lip does a certain thing when she's lying, and I always know.

But she's going to learn. Have you told her that that's her tell? Because then she'll learn to not do it. She has like seven tells. My daughter can't lie yet. Eventually she will. She will. And she'll be good at it.

The ones who are the good liars are the ones that the parents are like, oh, no, I can always tell when she lies. And then they're like sneaking out the window in the room. But anyway, my point is, there's always this little touch button because it's like, oh, it's a female in sports media.

I'm going to talk about female sport, but it's... I have no new things to add to it. I talk about it a lot. I don't think it's interesting. First of all,

I think social media is mean to everybody. I agree with you. Yeah. Like who's getting like the free pass on social media? mean to everybody. I agree with you. Yeah. Like who's getting, who's getting like a, like the, the free pass on social media? Zero. Nobody.

Not one person. Well, I've never trended on Twitter, Bill. So I don't know. You, you have. I imagine yours are a mess. You just don't look. For terror. No, I don't look.

I don't know how you don't look. Just like peek. Why? You don't peek at all. You're not curious to know what people are saying. And cause that's how I came't look Just like peek Why? You don't peek at all You're not curious But why though? To know what people are saying And because that's how I came up

What are the people? That's how you came up What do you mean? Yeah like through Twitter Through interacting with people on Twitter That's your generation though Yeah No I'm doing less of it

You have Every time I do it now I have a little Bill Simmons in my head That's like I don't like when you I don't like when you take somebody Who's being a dick and you engage with them and you give them basically your platform so they can be a dick. Right, but I use my platform to make fun of them. So if somebody tees me up for a perfect joke where I can make fun of that person, then I'll do it.

I know you don't like that. No. I like it. I think you've elevated beyond it. Yeah, we'll get there. I think you're a higher elevated beyond it We'll get there You're a higher species now I think I might have said that to you last time I was on your podcast When I get to a point where there are so many

That I can't read them Like after the Greg Hardy thing we did on the show Yeah that was excellent Thank you I didn't look that day Because at first I was doing my usual Go back through, look through my replies and they were coming in faster than I could read them and I saw a couple that were mean and I just

thought I don't want to spend my day doing this I don't want to spend my day defending myself to idiots I made a very simple point that I don't think you can really argue um and I don't want to it's not worth debating with with morons on the internet and so I didn't think you can really argue. And I don't want to, it's not worth debating with, with morons on the internet. And so I didn't look that day. And you would have been very proud of me. But then of course I get phone calls from my mother. That's like, how you doing? I just looked at your Facebook.

Are you holding up? Okay. The parents are the worst. I'm like, mom, I'm not looking on purpose. Don't call me and tell me, or people will tweet at me like that day. I only looked at verified or people that I follow. Cause you can do that. And mostly those people are nice.

And I had those people tweeting at me with screen grabs of mean tweets saying, wow, it must be nice to be a woman in sports media. And so then I saw them. I'm trying to avoid them. I'm trying to not look at them. Isn't it weird when the parents get involved? Yes. And I have a feeling I would do the same thing if it was either of my kids I know

But I hate when my mom does it When I was like hey I saw that thing they wrote I was like what thing? I didn't Yeah I was like oh forget it forget it And now I'm like what thing? Just tell me

Exactly My mom got into it with people on Facebook Really? One of my producers had to tell me She was like did you know that your mother is mixing it up in the comments About your Greg Hardy thing on Facebook I still haven't looked and I love my mother that your mother is mixing it up in the comments about your Greg Hardy thing on Facebook. I still haven't looked and I love my mother and I sort of gave her the mom, you can't do that.

But then she gave me the Kate, you're my daughter and I don't like when people say nasty things about you and they're not understanding your point and you can't jump in. So I'm jumping in. So I get it. Um, I like that they call you Kate. Yeah. I've heard you say that before. Yeah. Soie's your

professional name yes no katherine is my professional name you know my my uh my parents call me billy yeah i couldn't call you billy i know i'm not a billy but my dad was bill oh well that makes sense then so like when i'm with my family they're like billy billy and i'm that's why i didn't want to name my son after me that's a good idea because then he'd have to be billy then it's like now we're now what's happening my parents are they don't even i don't think they call me kate on purpose i've always been katie i just kate will be like when you're working for cnn in seven years and you're you're hosting some political show like and with kate nolan see i always thought i would transition to... And Jake Tapper.

I don't think Kate Nolan is enough syllables. I think Katie Nolan. Well, you'll get... Maybe you'll marry Jake Tapper with Kate Nolan Tapper. You think I'm going to hyphenate? I don't know. I don't know you.

I'll never hyphenate. I'm so anti-hyphenation. I think when I change my first name as I get older, I think I'm going to have to go to Kathy. Because I think I'm going to... Kathy? Yeah, I think I'm going to age into a Kathy. No, I think you're a Katie. I'm not going to change my first name as I get older. I think I'm going to have to go to Kathy. Kathy? Yeah, I think I'm going to age into a Kathy. I'm not going to age like a Kate.

I'm going to age like a Kathy. I'm not going to be Kate Beckinsale. I'm going to be Kathy Bates. So who are the other Katies on your corner? Katie Couric? Yep. Is she too old to be a Katie now? No, she's good. She shouldn't be Kate Couric.

No, you're fine. You're Katie. All right, we'll see. We'll see what happens. Smart money's on Kathy. So like about a year ago, I'm sure people are reaching out to you. Hey,

I think you could do this. So then you can do that. Hey, here's an idea. Hey, here's an offer. What's the, what's the weirdest offer that you got from a career standpoint over the last

year and a half? That's a good question. I don't think I've had that many offers. I'm not. That's baloney. No, it isn't. But also like I don't, I say no to most things

or my agent knows that I'm pretty focused on what I'm doing now. So I think most of the really weird stuff just doesn't, he doesn't even tell me because he's sick of hearing me say. He vets it for you? Yeah, I think he's sick of me being say he vets it for you yeah i think

he's sick of me being like no i'm not doing that which i did which i did a couple of times i don't think like not a cameo on scorpion that's a hard yes all the time for me i'll cameo or scandal special guest katie noah let's do it nashville i'd love to be on Nashville. Nashville? Yeah. Is that still on? I think so. I just, I'll be, I'll play the part of Connie Britton's hairdresser. What about like Celebrity Jeopardy? None of that stuff? I don't, well, so that word celebrity, Bill, doesn't describe me yet.

So I don't think I would be on Celebrity. Almost Celebrity Jeopardy? Jeopardy. I think you're basically a celebrity. D-list. Celebrity Jeopardy. You're not D-list. E?

F. So I went through this whole, when my calm took off, I started working for Jimmy. At some point I did like, remember those I Love the Whatever shows? Yeah. Yeah, I did. I like those. That was before I learned to just say no to absolutely everything. No, I love like Best Week Ever.

Those are fun. I would love to have done one of those. Really? I don't get those offers. These aren't things that happen to me. Oh, there's no way you don't get those offers. Don't get those offers. They don't really do those shows that much anymore. At Midnight was one.

Did you do that one? No. You should do At Midnight. I'm going to. I think I'm going to. I like Chris Hardwick. He's great. He's really good at what he does. Yeah, I respect him. People haven't turned on him yet like they did with Ryan Seacrest. Yeah. People are still kind of in on the Chris Hardy.

He seems more relatable. Yeah, I think you're right. And his hair is a normal color. Not frosted. I think frosted is really tough. It's never good. For a guy. Unless we're talking like Cheerios and donuts.

It's really rough. Yeah. So what's going to happen to you? That's a vague question. I'm sure I'll die someday. You think there's a chance you could have a daily show? That would be great. I think they think that we can only do that in L.A. And I'm determined to'll die someday. You think there's a chance you could have a daily show? That would be great. I think they think that we can only do that in LA, and I'm determined to find a way to

do it in New York. How long have you been dating your boyfriend? Wow. Hello. Two years? Almost three years? I can ask you that. I'm not going to feel ashamed for asking that question.

It just came out of nowhere. All right. Two and a half years? Yeah. Between two and, I think, three. Almost three. East Coast guy? Yes.

Boston guy. Boston guy. That's right. So he's not going to want to move here. No. half years yeah between two and i think three almost three east coast guy yes boston guy boston guy that's right so he's not gonna want to move here no yeah not at all that's a problem yeah yeah but yeah at some point you're gonna end up out here i don't agree with that no it's what everybody says no you will there's too many things going on out here i think sports television should be based in New York. Because there's just more... That sounds like something my mom would say. Does it?

I just think gluten-free just shouldn't exist. Your mother and I agree on a lot of things. And gluten-free? Gluten-free is not a thing. Kale, get it away from me. That used to be a garnish. You wouldn't like that about LA either. Yeah, I know. We talked about this last time.

I'm out on kale. Unless it's kale chips. And that's only because I like salt and things that are crunchy. Are you Italian? Yes. How much? 75%. Makes sense.

Does it? Yeah. Well, my mom's 100% Italian and you agree on the gluten-free. I don't know. It never dawned on me that you were Italian. It didn't. So what's the maiden name for your mom? Leone.

And Magni is her... Can you make your own meatballs? Yes. And they're really good. Can you make your own tomato sauce? But I can't make much of anything else. Yeah, sauce, meatballs. How long is your tomato sauce?

How many hours? Well, so that's a tough question. No, it's not. If it's like, oh, Katie's cooking today. I've adapted it to my lifestyle That I can make the quick version And I do that more often I'm not going to sit here and say I spend 8 hours on a Sunday Making sauce bill

It would make me sound cool But it wouldn't be true Well if you wanted it to be good Yeah no exactly I don't care if it's good I just want to eat it That's the 75% that's why you're not 100% Yeah exactly If that extra 25% wouldn't care about the eight hours.

I just screw the top off the jar and dump it into a saucepan. I stir it. Done. Oh, my God. I'm fucking with you. You're like 33%. I'm fucking with you. Do you cook for your boyfriend?

Mm-mm. You don't cook for him? He cooks for me. He cooks for you? Yeah, he's a pretty good cook. I mean, he cooks for you yeah he's a really he's a pretty good cook i mean he worked he worked in restaurants his whole life so he's a pretty good cook i can cook and i have cooked but it just takes so much time there's just so much stuff to do and you gotta clean it after cleaning is the bad part i just want to do the eating part I love that part

And if I could get rid of the other two parts On the ends of it And just do the middle part Is the boyfriend alright with everything that's happened with you? Like you're definitely more high profile Than you were when you started dating Yeah My wife never cared about that stuff

So one of the things about him I didn't know Was a great thing about him until now Is that he doesn't really care about celebrities. So he doesn't freak out when somebody that he likes is somewhere. He's really cool around people that he admires. But he also doesn't admire that many people. But does he get protective? Is he Googling you?

Is it like a parent thing? No. I think we squashed that pretty quickly. We decided that wasn't going to be a healthy thing for him to do. He's just good at keeping me grounded. Like without him, I think it would have been very easy to float off into the world of thinking I'm better than I am. I mean, I did that.

Just kidding. No, I think it would have been easy to lose my footing and buy into my own hype if I didn't have him to remind me. Buy into your own hype. I like that. Yeah. To remind me that I'm lazy and I didn't do my laundry that week. Like he's there to bring me back, which is good. I feel bad for him.

He's going to put up with a lot of shit. Like what? Like me, you know, going out to L.A. Like right now he's back home and I'm here and I'm going back and forth and I'm busy a lot and I'm working a lot. Well, it sounds like you left him with the kids. Yeah, that's true. That's true. We want to get a dog and it's been tough to figure out a time that my life will slow down for a second because I want to get a dog and it'll be my first dog.

So I want to do it right and learn how to be good at training it the first dog always means the most yeah kids i love my kids equally my first dog i love the most because it's the first one it's like it becomes like your fake kid basically right so i just loved our first dog of course she had to go die when she was six but it's not fair yeah it wasn't fair i'm not prepared don't get a golden retriever. Golden retrievers are cancer machines. That's my advice. After having two of them. So I was between golden retriever and black lab.

Yeah. We had two that lasted a combined 16 years. Yeah. And then, and then one was gone at six and one was gone overnight at age 10. Oh yeah. And that's it. And meanwhile, these mutts live until they're like 200. You've got a beautiful mutt now.

I know. She's great, right? She's the best. That's the, I think that's where you go. I think the mutts live until they're like 200. You've got a beautiful mutt now. I know. She's great, right? She's the best. I think that's where you go. I think the mutts live. Yeah. But when I was a kid, golden retrievers lived until they were like 60 and 70. I don't know what changed.

Yeah, I thought they were the reliable breed. I think they got too inbred. Speaking of dogs. Don't do this Westminster Dog Show thing. Speaking of dogs. Speaking of dogs. Tell us about the Westminster Dog Show. What's going on there?

I don't even know what I'm allowed to say about it. Okay, don't say anything. It's just a special. It was a best of special. We did it with Fred Willard from Best in Show. Yeah. He was unbelievable in that movie. Yeah, he was.

And also on this special. So I don't know when that airs. He's one of the rare underrated funny people. Most funny people are either properly rated or overrated. He's actually underrated. Like, the body of his work, he's been involved in a lot of good stuff. Anything else? No. For Fox? Nothing?

The network's kind of changed. A little bit. They've hired some people. What do you think of Jamie Horowitz? This has been a very fun podcast, Bill. What do you think of Jamie Horowitz? I think he is a lovely, kind, funny man Who is very nice I've known him for a long time Yeah

Big Pats fan What do you think of Jamie Horowitz? Big Pats fan? Yes he is Tall Very tall Excellent hoops player Cool

Selfish though When he plays basketball? Yeah he's me first Yeah There's a lot of Kobe Bryant and Jamie Horowitz Oh yeah There's a sentence I Kobe Bryant and Jamie Horowitz. Oh, yeah. There's a sentence I'd love to take out of context.

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yes. Okay. But in a good way, like, especially in a game he should be shooting most of the time, unless it's the highest level game. Yeah. Like, it's your best chance to win and stay on the court. Right.

But at the same time, there are times where you feel a little like Lamar Odom Kwame Brown, circa mid-2006. Where you're just kind of like, all right, I'm going to set some picks and be good. But he is helpful that way. Yeah. He's a good guy. He is a good guy. He's very nice.

I've known him a long time. He takes too much shit in certain circles, which I don't like. Really? Yeah. Oh, you mean, I know what circles you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. But he's okay with that. He can play the heel.

He enjoys it. He does. He does like the wrestling heel thing. You never got into the wrestling thing. No, I tried. You tried. I tried because of you and people who I like that like it. But I think I was too late to it.

I can't get over the acting. I gotta watch soap operas. I can't. It's not a thing for me. I respect you. Soap operas? Yeah, it's what a thing for me. So I respect you. Soap operas. Yeah. It's what everybody always compares it to.

It's one of those things that you had to, if you didn't get into it by the time you're eight, it's probably not happening. Like I liked it as a kid and then I just sort of left it and I never came back to it. I watched all the other sports that were real. Did I make you 10% uncomfortable with some of the questions? I feel like I did. No. Are you sure?

Yeah. I just don't, I never know what i'm allowed to say and then i get phone calls and i get yelled at that like why did you say that you did that thing and we weren't supposed to say anything so oh we can take it out feign ignorance no i'm it's fine i don't want you know what i'm not taking out is the jamie horowitz kobe bryant you said that so don't know well it's true that's why i said don't edit your podcast He's actually more like Gilbert Arenas Pre-gun Gilbert Arenas

That's an important distinction Because he will pass Colby would never pass Jamie would pass It's just normally You know it's going up Yeah And he will pull up

On three and ones And shoot a three With the two other Wide open guys You know those guys You know how to basketball Like oh that was A terrible shot

Jamie will take those Yeah So how long are you in la till uh thursday afternoon thanks for coming by now i owe you a podcast you okay so you'll edit this out no i won't i won't edit it i won't you're you already are promised for your first ever podcast guest right no i have to go on i have to do one other podcast thing we're on the guest yeah and i promised you i would do the second one yeah but do where do we do that in new york well we could do it in new york we wanted to do it here now but fine you can't so um here now yeah well so my thought was that we would do like a part one part two

so we'd do yours we'd stop we'd say to listen to the rest of it. Go to Katie's podcast. That would have been a good idea. Yeah, it was a fantastic idea. And you said no. Can't do it. Rude. I only have one request when we do the one on your thing.

You have to wear a Yarmulke Yager wig the entire time. Okay, fine. The things I do for you. Yeah, that's fine. Have you broken one out in the show yet? Have you had Yager on? No. Now, you should have Yager on.

I agree. That should absolutely be somebody on your show. So you are under the impression that booking for my show is as easy as booking for your show. What's he doing? Where is he? He's not still playing hockey.

Yeah, he is. Is he still on the team? He won the all-star vote and then he tweeted like, I'm too old. I'm not actually going to do this. What team is he on? Yep. Panthers. Oh, I haven't seen them yet this year.

Yeah. But anyway, booking for our show is a little bit more difficult. When he comes to New York, I can't believe Jaromir Jagr is still playing. I thought when he did that little Bruins thing, I thought it was over. Yeah. It wasn't i until the playoff start i only follow hockey based on who came to play the kings so like they had uh which mccollum i'm so ashamed of you right now no they had tampa i'm just like it hurts i know what's it's freaking just be a 10 month season how hard is that well be a bruins fan you're a sellout How hard is that? Just be a Bruins fan. You're a sellout.

I get in when it comes to, when around March. Oh, cool. Around March. Fuck you. I don't want to watch hockey. I don't want to watch hockey on TV in November. But you're watching the Kings.

I know what's going on at the Bruins. I'm going to the games. Yeah, I know. I'm going to the Kings games. It hurts. It hurts. Why does it hurt? Because it's an LA team

and you're just like a fan of them. Not a fan. Yeah. I like going to hockey games. Yeah, whatever. You're right. When the Bruins come, I wear a Bruins jersey. I'm not going to argue with you about it.

I will argue. You have to do my... I'm not kidding. By the way, this wasn't a year to jump in feet first with the Bruins. Yeah, I know. After they gutted the team and drafted a whole bunch of dudes. This was the year, are you jumping in feet first? You should already be submersed with water way

over your head in november yeah whatever bill i don't have time for this it's a special breed of people who watch hockey on tv in december what up cammy nolan that's my mom all the time doesn't miss it those are the old schools doesn't miss it my dad watches all the bruins my favorite thing my parents have season tickets but they're in the balcony. They're in 319, something like that. And I love going home and sitting in their section. It's so fun. It's so much more fun than sitting anywhere else. You get some legit fans up there.

There's character. We know all the people that have season tickets around us. They're wonderful people, like lifelong friends now. That's what we had with the Celtics. And then all those people eventually, each year, three more of them were gone. It was like walking dead. From the early 80s all the way through to the Fleet Center, the section just changed. And then it was just didn't know anybody.

Fleet Center. Fleet Center. Remember that? Yeah. What's it now? TD Bank North Garden? Yeah. Just the garden, like it should be.

I don't feel right about calling it the garden. Let's say you get a dog, dog dies. Do you just name the second dog the same dog name? No. I guess that's fair. They murdered the garden. They knocked it down. It's TD Garden, whatever.

Just call it like TD whatever. It's tough because in New York, the garden is Madison Square Garden, which growing up for me, the garden was the garden. I know that's a big point of contention with the New York people. Yeah. Well, I let them win because they're exhausting. Yermer Yager's still playing? Don't look at him.

Look at me. Is he 45? I'd say 30, 40, two. He's mid 40s. No He's mid-40s. No, he's mid-40s. Yeah. 43. He's in college.

Crushing it still. The Bruins played, I think it was 91. He was on that team. It was Lemieux and Yager. That was like, it was 91. That was like when Samus and basically ruined Neal's career. Dickhead. This leg out thing.

My son's playing hockey now and it's like I know him. Oh, yeah. That's exciting. Oh, yeah. He's into it. He loves it. What's he? Center?

Wing? What's he rocking? Goalie? Don't let him be a goalie. Goalies are psychopaths. He likes scoring. Okay. That'll come in useful.

What do you mean? I was making a joke. You said your son likes scoring. Oh, No. That'll come in useful. Which, what do you mean? I was making a joke. You said your son likes scoring. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The goalies, that's a different breed. Yeah. We sit behind the goalies at the Kings games, and they all have some sort of mutant form of like ADD crossed with something.

They have all these little rituals that they have to stick to, and they are maniacs. Even Quick, who's pretty normal, and I've talked to him a couple times. Yeah. They're a little, they have to be a little crazy. Yeah, they got to drink the water bottle. They got to spray it a certain way. Yeah. Whole thing.

Plug something. My show is called Garbage Time. Midnight, East Coast, Wednesday. And nine o'clock west coast is it every every wednesday or do you take little hiatus every wednesday you don't have a little hiatus we only get 20 episodes at a time they only pick up 20 episodes at a time so is that because they want you to feel like you you're not totally loved and you have to probably work for their love probably some sort of Haven't they come out With some giant deal Not yet Bill

Just 20 episodes Out of time Crushing them though And what's the podcast called The Katie Nolan podcast Or the Garbage Time podcast Garbage Time podcast Garbage Time with Katie Nolan podcast

Garbage Garbage Time podcast Available on Stitcher Yep iTunes Yep SoundCloud Yep

So are mine Those are all things My podcast is available. It's almost as if we followed a model. Thanks to Dunkin' Donuts, they just launched their DD Perks loyalty program. It's how Dunkin' Donuts shows its appreciation to its loyal fans because that's how they roll. Members earn points toward free beverage rewards.

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today's podcast. Don't threaten the holiday spirit by being miserable online at the post office. Who do you love when I do the stamps.com? This is a good one. I need to meet your person who does the impersonation. But he hasn't done the impersonation for you. I'm have to call you have to do on the phone yeah well don't threaten the holiday spirit by being miserable in the post office people head over to stamps.com get a free week four-week trial that includes a 110 bonus offer free postage and a digital scale

go to stamps.com click on that microphone top of the home page type in bs that stamps.com enter bs thanks to c geek our presenting sponsor that just launched a new platform to buy and sell event tickets. Learn more at SeatGeek.com slash BS. They sent an awesome hat. SeatGeek did? Yeah, they have great hats. This is a weird.

Most people have lousy hats. Okay. Or maybe they just don't look good on me because I have a giant head. Is it like a. This hat actually looks good on me. I have a big head. Is it like a. I hat actually looks good on me. I have a big head. A trucker hat? Is it like a...

I'll show it to you when you're leaving. Oh, I'm excited to see the Siki cat. You're going to be jealous of the Siki cat. Thanks to Katie and all. Good seeing you. Next time we do this, it will be on your turf. Goddamn right it will be. You've played two road games.

Yeah, I have. And now I have to go. This is a home and home. And I get to ask you questions. You get to ask me questions. About your boyfriend. I'll be so... I don't want to talk about him.

Yeah, we'll do this again. Thank you. Congratulations on everything. Thank you. You too. I'm very proud of you. Aw. I mean that in the least condescending way possible.

That's not condescending. No, it's good. You've done really good. Had a nice little arc. Thank you. All right, good. Talk to you soon. Okay.

We about this bitch. Anytime y'all want to see me again rewind this track right here close your eyes and picture me rolling