The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 48: NFL Divisional Lines w/ Cousin Sal

Episode Date: January 11, 2016

HBO's Bill Simmons & Cousin Sal recap Wild-Card weekend, then discuss Minnesota's place in tortured NFL fan base history (5:00), the Cincy catastrophe (14:00), a traumatized Jim Nantz (20:00), Super Bowl odds (29:00), The Golden Globes (32:00), Saturday Round 2 lines (39:00), Bill's Nick Saban hot take (51:00), Sunday Round 2 lines (56:00), and a confusing Revenant moment (1:11:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode is brought to you by SeatGeek, the presenting sponsor of the Bill Simmons podcast and our Channel 33 podcast, as well as our favorite app for buying and selling tickets for sports and music. Go to SeatGeek.com slash BS to learn how to buy and sell on SeatGeek. And don't forget to download the free SeatGeek app and a promo code BS and SeatGeek will send you $20 once you've made your first purchase. Today's episode is also brought to you by SimpliSafe Home Security. They worked with me to put together a massive security arsenal for our listeners. Everything you need to stop criminals from breaking into your apartment or house. Unfortunately, they couldn't stop me from betting on Washington yesterday. No contracts, no commitments.

And right now, you can get 10% off a special post-holiday package from SimpliSafe. Guarantee yourself complete protection for your home. Go to simplisafebuild.com. Save 10% on your first order. I wish they could save my voice. All right, let's start. Yeah. Clear enough for you.

Yeah, my son was sick. Are you kids sick, Sal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just going around like a sniffle cold. Every six through nine year old has something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I knew my wife and my daughter went to New York and it was just me and my son for four days.

I knew he was going to get me sick. Really? So I'm going to, at about the halfway point of this podcast, I'm going to sound like Harvey Fierstein. Nice john lovitz is harvey firestein i just want to be loved is that so wrong shout out to jacko that was his imitation uh congrats that you went three and oh on sports center three no i picked the teaser because i didn't like the packers redskins game much at all so i just threw the packers on the teaser but, we should have won more money. We won a little money this week.

Or we should have won less money. You think so? Well, the only two games we liked were the Chiefs and Bengals. The Bengals had one of the all-time ludicrous playoff covers. I was happy to be on the right side of something for once. But the other two, the cold weather, who the hell knows. Why we didn't go under is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. We teased it with Seattle.

But we did win it, though. We won that one, yeah. But you just watch. It's so freaking cold. The ball's a rock. They're throwing deep balls. They're just dying like they've been shot. Right.

And then Green Bay-Washington, who the hell knew? Well, we knew. I mean, the narrative all year is the AFC South sucks and the NFC East sucks. So why don't we just bet accordingly? Why don't we just go with that, right? Yeah, and also the better quarterback against the worst quarterback is usually a good way to go. Like you said, two screwy endings, but the better quarterback won all four.

I've seen an inordinate amount of Packer games this season just because it always seems like they're the late game with nobody going against them or they're a night game. I mean, they haven't shown any inclination of playing like that for three months other than the one minnesota game and even that game minnesota stunk more than green bay was good and i did not see that performance coming and what what kick-started it in your estimation for me for me it was rogers calling the quick snap while 350 pound defensive tackles ran off and he he got him you know the 12 men on the field call like that was like oh my god wow look at roger look what he's doing and and then you know you put what did randall cobb's in the backfield like that it's

not even like the uh rams play where tayvon austin's in on a reverse he's actually in the backfield taking pitches and somehow davante ad Adams remembered how to catch and it all came together within like 20 minutes it did feel like when Deshaun Jackson screwed up the touchdown which was just the podcast is official Bill's uh phone has run I thought I turned both of them off uh Deshaun Jackson yeah it was weird because somebody I think the announcer's like normally he's so good around the goal line. It's like, this is the guy who fumbled on the one yard line on a,

on a long touchdown when he was holding the ball up and just spiked it. He runs along the goal line. Yeah. Uh, but it was so weird that he didn't just reach out with his left hand. And when he did it and it's like, well, first and goal to go from like the half inch.

And it's like, Oh, they'll screw this up. And they did incomplete to get the safety. They collapsed the line. They would have been up nine nothing and i think green bay because they the safety was two nothing that sean jackson if he reaches over it's nine nothing right instead it was five nothing okay but i i just felt like green bay it was one of those teams that was going to go either way in that game and if washington had gotten some momentum i think

green bay would have fallen apart. Instead, it went the other way. But that's not why. We shouldn't be leading with that game. We should be leading with two of the worst playoff losses I've ever seen in my life. Cincinnati and Minnesota. Now, I was going to ask you, which fan base do you feel worse for?

Which fans do you feel worse for? Minnesota. I feel worse for the Minnesota fans that were at the game, but I think I feel worse overall for the Cincinnati fan base. No, because, all right, well, this is a good argument. Minnesota, I had them in 2010. I wrote a piece about the most tortured NFL fan bases, and I ranked them second.

Okay. Cleveland first? I think I had Buffalo first. Buffalo did lose four straight Super bowls so here's what i wrote i forgot about that so in the tortured tortured fan bases i had these qualifications you need a 35 year drought or more without a title um you have to have your gut guts wrenched a few times during that run um cold weather cities get ranked higher in this just because it's so depressing and when your team and this would happen when i lived in boston

you know you don't really have it as much here because in la you wake up it's like 55 degrees next day when you when you have your guts ripped out and then you wake up the next day and you're scraping ice off your car and it's three degrees. Like, that's just worse. Like, you just like, just shoot me. Can't compare it to anything. You have to be pessimistic enough to keep your guard up for the sucker punch. But just optimistic enough to lower your guard at the worst possible time. You're like a poet.

You really are. I wrote this five, six years ago. And then outsiders need to instinctively empathize During a level one torture takedown So here's what I wrote for the Vikings They lost four Super Bowls in eight years They They I wrote this in 2010 Every ten years or so

They ripped the intestines out of their fans 1975 Hail Mary against Dallas 1988 the Darren Nelson nelson game 1998 gary anderson kick yeah the uh 2009 the brett farve 12 men on the field that whole game that was one of the horrible losses of last decade and now this now 2016 okay so this is like like a stopwatch every seven to ten years yeah they're just gonna rip it out and yesterday i swear to god i can the people i watch the game with can vouch for this they show that hash mark and it's like oh it's gonna be a chippy and it was just out there like yeah it's minnesota you got to be

careful you just don't know did you think were you even thinking he'd miss it i thought he'd make it i thought he'd make it for sure because we Vikings baggage, didn't tie in at all? No, no. He was so golden. And Seahawks were so stupid down the stretch that I thought, this is it. The Vikings are going to win, and that's going to be that. And Cam Chancellor would have been the go to the game. I guess so.

Although I still don't see where the penalty was. That was a terrible, it was a double terrible call. One, it wasn't the pass interference. You could do the five-yard contact penalty. Sure. But that was like Gronkowski's gotten called for offensive pass interference on that exact play ten times. Right. But I just thought, you know, first of all, he ices his kicker.

Yeah. Nobody talked about that. Mike Zimmer. That's true. Iced his own kicker. You know, it's minus seven. I want to give my kicker three more minutes to think about kicking this lead ball with the expectations of my entire fan base.

Let's do it. Let's take three more minutes to think about this. It's such a chip shot, though. It really is. And the laces towards him didn't matter. Like anyone who says the physics of it doesn't really matter at that point. You're kicking. You needed to go straight for 27.

It did seem very far left when they had the camera behind him it was so close it was like it was just there was this five second thing we're like oh my god that's but uh never a chance peterson screwed up the play before because he cut it back to the left well what would they have done if they got a first down there that's still the last play isn't it i guess but just running how about this idea keep the ball in the middle of the field so your kicker's nice yeah it was left there yeah i thought uh i thought they outplayed them 50 of the 60 minutes well that's the problem that's the difference between the bangles and the vikings that was the vikings game i mean you had four games better four games where it was double digits to nothing although i get all right v Vikings were 9-0, but the other games were, you know.

I thought Seattle sucked in that game. They were bad. They looked like they did against the Rams two weeks ago. Like, oh, yeah, this is it. And they can't score. We talked about, a couple weeks ago, we said how the Vikings were a better version of that Rams team.

Yep, we did. And it was basically, their defense was outrageous. It was so good. I didn't think Seattle would be scoreless through three quarters. They basically got one pull it out of their ass play. Wilson, it's like the defense stops for

a second, lock it, breaks a couple tackles. I watched it a bunch of times and I think only Russell Wilson pulls that off. I mean, he's on his knee with the ball and he's got a split second decision and the smart one most of the time is just stay on your knee with the ball there and take it down.

But he got up and found the open receiver. Besides that and the missed field goal, they don't advance. And now they're one of the most dangerous teams. And also the Baldwin catch. We touched on it briefly a few weeks ago. My God. That was amazing. That catch isn't made 15 years ago in 70-degree weather in San Diego,

let alone minus three. That's true. You could talk about your record books and everything else like these gloves are like nba players don't have trampoline shoes like that that's what it would be the equivalent of these catches are being made i think i saw the greatest catch i ever saw with uh martavius brian but oh yeah but i'm not even sure anymore with that yeah and beckham too i don't know what's great anymore. I can't imagine a worse feeling than walking out of that game after sitting there for five hours in minus six. Although they were saying it wasn't that windy. I think when it's windy, that's when it just rips through your soul

and takes years off your life. But it still could not have been a fun experience. And then to have that kick, you're ready to cheer. You're thinking about, oh, we just got to kick it away from Tyler Lockett. And that was a horrible loss. And I just feel terrible for the Minnesota fans. The one thing we saw that I have not seen before was the arm bar on Peterson that caused the mugging and the eventual fumble that Cam Chancellor jumped on.

I think it was K.J. Wright. Like a UFC move? Yeah, he really arm barred him like okay there you go you have one arm to protect and let's let's get three guys pounding on you and see if you can hold on to it that was another game where we always are reminded of this in the playoffs that the star running back it's very easy to take out the star running back yeah just is but you know we we talked about the game on Monday and then House and I

made our picks on Friday. I thought Marshawn Lynch was playing. Right, yeah. And all of a sudden he's not playing. I still like Cincy to win, but the five seemed really high

and it never moved, the five points. Cincy. I mean, I'm sorry, Seattle. Seattle, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how that didn't go to seven.

Like anyone outside of the Mall of America had Seattle in that game. I was so scared. Nobody had Minnesota. Nobody had them. How did that line not go to seven like anyone outside of the mall of america had had seattle in that game i was so nobody had minnesota nobody adam now how did that line not go up but it worked perfectly vegas wins and seattle advanced so how would you rank buffalo cleveland minnesota for most tortured um most traumatized i still throw cleveland at the top there although i will say this since i'm just saying pure football you can't include any other sports. Oh, I see. Yeah. Pure football. Just I'm a fan of that football team who's most traumatized. I still think Buffalo's one. I went to school by Buffalo.

I went to college by there, so I relate to those fans. The four Super Bowls was like something else. Yeah, it's awful. Especially by the fourth just, they know they're going to get just annihilated. I watched the 30 for 30 with my son, my 10 year old son about the Bills for Super Bowls. And he was, he's, he was stunned and sad. He's like, I still, he's like, I don't believe this dad. It was four straight years. Like, yeah. The Norwood kick is the worst, the worst single defeat moment that's happened.

Other than maybe the Tyree catch. But even the Tyree catch we felt like we could still stop them you know we had hope uh-huh that was just like oh my guts have been ripped out I would rank it Buffalo oh man Minnesota versus Cleveland is tough I don't even know second I'd say Minnesota now just because it seems like every Cleveland's had a couple but they've just kind of been bad for the last 15 years. They haven't had any gut-wrenchers. Minnesota really should have won the Super Bowl that Brett Favre year.

They had that game. They were over the 40. It was right there. The Anderson in 98. That team was the best team there. I think they would have won that year. Yeah, yeah. And then this one, it hurts a little less

just because I think they would have lost Arizona this week. I don't think you could say, oh, man, that was a Super Bowl team. Maybe. But it would have been a great win. Cleveland, I mean, is it a hard gut wrench if you hire a different coach every 16 months? You've never had a good quarterback? Yeah. Losing your team is brutal, too.

Yeah, that's tough, man. That's definitely the top three. But congratulations. They're no longer the most pathetic NFL team in even Ohio. I mean, Cincinnati really just stole that from them. We discussed that game. Yeah, so. Oh, my God.

At least with that game, I thought Pittsburgh did more to win it than, I'm sorry, Seattle did. Yeah. Like the Roethlisberger drive at the end, he's got a broken shoulder or whatever he has, separated shoulder. Ridiculous. And clearly can't throw more than five, six yards. And yet, since he's playing way off him, and they're completely stunned by the draw players and the short pass, it's like, this guy cannot throw the football.

What are you guys doing? I thought it was a coaching catastrophe. I didn't care. Did you? The Jeremy Hill fumble, Pittsburgh had three timeouts left. Yeah. If you had a first down, the game's over.

You can't just kneel it there. No, you can't. Because Pittsburgh's getting it back. I didn't have a problem with it. They were fighting for yards. Six yards on their play. Yeah. I mean, maybe cover up with two hands,

but they just hit so hard. You don't know what to expect there. Yeah, that one, I don't blame him for that, but I blame Cincy's defense for not being closer to the receivers with Roethlisberger when he couldn't throw. Right. And then – I blame Hugh Jackson, who's now going to benefit from a head coaching position

for that offensive game plan. They were down 15-0 going into the fourth quarter. It was terrible. You have to know what you're doing here. Short passes. I say this all the time. We always talk about this, but when you have an A.J. McCarron-type quarterback

and you have an A.J. Green-type receiver, throw it downfield once every seven times. Just chuck it. Right. Because two times you're going to make a play. That team had no point. What was it? They had no...

When did they finally score? It's 15-0 going into the... Going to the fourth, right fourth right was it oh yeah i'm not sure whatever it was but late there i don't know um the perfect penalty i i was watching the game and i have witnesses for this we're joking about gambling lines and right i said who's gonna give me odds that Burfik's going to do a dumb penalty that extends his drive? Wow. Said that out loud. Because he was like... Yeah, since he scored all that points.

He was like a caged maniac after the Shazier hit. Right, right, right. He was literally losing his mind. And then to run into the tunnel after the interception was one of the dumbest, weirdest, craziest things I've ever seen. It was a fumble recovery. Yeah, the fumble recovery. What are you doing? Was that the greatest moment in sports history?

So they called him down by contact there. He didn't know he was down by contact. He got up and just ran, you know? So if they call him, if he's not found by contact, if that's a safety, if he runs back, that's a Jim Marshall play. That's the greatest play in NFL history. Oh, the Jim Marshall safety. Yeah, if he runs back, that's a Jim Marshall play. That's the greatest play in NFL history. Oh, the Jim Marshall safety. Yeah, if he runs backward the wrong way, that would be terrific.

Well, what was the play when... I think that was that game, Kat, all those games spun together. They're going for the two-point, and they throw it. It actually was kind of a backwards pass, and Pittsburgh could have scooped it up and just gone down, and they would have actually scored because they changed that role. It would have been a Pittsburgh defensive two point to take the lead. Exactly.

Yeah. That would have been amazing. Yeah. The perfect penalty was just horrible because you're on the 50, the Pittsburgh has no timeouts left and their quarterback can't throw the ball and they have to get to, I would say the 25 with that kicker um but then the pac-man jones i'm in the why is joey porter in the field camp this guy has this huge history rob rob line tribe on uh on uh football outsiders that he's a bengals

fan did a good job of summarizing all the bengals stealers bully stuff over the Steelers have been like the bully to the Bengals for decades and Joey Porter and his crew jumped Levi Jones who was a Bengals lineman in a Vegas casino and it's on YouTube there's video of it all right yes in 2007 remember here jumps him it's a four-on-one fight Joey Porter and his friends against Levi Brown yeah that's the guy who's on the field, not allegedly saying anything, but he has this whole crazy history with Cincinnati. And I just can't believe that wasn't a double penalty. How does that only go on Pac-Man Jones?

I don't blame the referees here. I think they were undermanned. I mean, you have an assistant coach, you have Mike Munchak, pulling Reggie Nelson's hair on the sideline. There's too much to look at. Not even just the players and not even at the end of the play. Now there's coaches on the field. And like with Antonio Brown being down, there are some coaches who are allowed to be on the field.

So are they going to card the guy? I don't know how you tell the difference between every 50-something guy with a headset. They were thrown into Fallujah, these referees, and there's only a few of them. Well, Pittsburgh got a free pass in that game because everyone was like, oh, the Bengals are out of control. It's like, well, Pittsburgh was instigating a lot of that stuff. The Munchak play, DeCastro's blocking perfect 10 minutes after the play ended. Shazier could have gotten called for the Bernard play.

Can we make that a penalty next year? I don't see how they know. If you're leading with your head and you knock a guy out like that, even if it's like whatever, it should be like a five-yard penalty first down for the team that gets the guy with the knocked out guy.

Right. Maybe a team. I'm all for that, man. I thought Pittsburgh was just as chippy, though. I actually like this game, aside from the crazy, the Burfik penalty and everything. It's a great game. I love it. It's AFC North.

It's kind of separate from everything else. It's going to be chippy, and you should understand it. But Burfik's got to come clean. He's got to have to say, I realize that was a bad play. He can't really play in this league unless he acknowledges that that's illegal.'s not on that team next year either way he can't be on any team like that that's just that's no good we're gonna lose this sport like the gladiators the romans loved gladiator the sport right and they took it they must have thought oh this is gonna go around forever right look how much everybody loves it no it's just's going to go away whether the concussion movie is effective or not.

Well, I'll tell you a couple things I loved about that game that didn't get enough attention. Sims was at his all-time best. Talking about switching the chairs around. What was his analogy? Yeah, right. What did he say? I forget.

He said I'm talking about talking about. Oh, no, he said the tables have switched. Oh, yeah, yeah. The tables have switched. We lost a minute of audio it was phil sims's best and that's a job in 10 years and jim nance was so traumatized and upset he was afraid by the game and couldn't even get excited down this stretch he was so disappointed in both teams i was saying it was i think they would have let him leave if he asked to he's like he's like guys i was saying it was i think they would have let him leave if he asked to he's like he's like guys i need a minute yeah i'm choked up i was saying it

was like the bizarro butler cabin you know how happy is in the butler cabin with billy pain and those guys after the masters he's got the jacket he's just beaming he looks like he's gonna have an orgasm on himself that was like the opposite of the butler cabin for jim nance right right right right he was just like it's too violent i'm really disappointed in the fans the somebody threw a water bottle at ben roethlisberger as he's being carried out the field people like that's what a disgrace that's disgusting it's like it's football you get 8 000 people and a half of them have been drinking since two o'clock right oh i can't believe somebody threw a bottle was it didn't howard cosell like like like he uh wrote off boxing after the randall tex cobb that might have been jim nance is it nance jim nance might just be like you know what guys football is too violent for me i just want to do golf tennis and women's basketball right but uh let

me just say i think the most underrated unit in sports steel was offensive line run run blocking 167 yards between that todman and uh fitzgerald tucson guys you've never heard of it i thought both of those guys were pretty good yeah that was one of the reasons we like the bangles we're like how these pittsburgh's on their fifth running back is it just we have we have good punters, 11 good field goal kickers, nine good quarterbacks, and 185 good running backs? That might be it. That might be it.

Why don't the Patriots have any of them? Yeah. There's 185 good running backs, and the Patriots don't have one of them. We have to sign Steven Jackson. Here are the big-name running backs in the AFC bracket. Oh, I'm excited for this. Ware. Yeah.

Niall Davis. Yeah. Spencer Ware and Niall Davis. Don't forget West. Charkandrick West. Charkandrick West. Yeah, what am I thinking? Yeah.

Hillman on the Broncos. Yeah. You're Steven Jackson. C.J. Anderson. C.J. Anderson, Toussaint, and Todman. You left out James White and the one Brandon Bolden carried for minus two yards. I thought he was inactive. Okay.

Hey, I forgot to mention one thing about Blair Walsh. Other than that, his coach did ice him. Literally and figuratively, he was iced because it was freezing. He was the MVP of that game. Sure. He had three field goals. One of them was long. One of them was like a little bit too long, and he made it anyway.

And his kickoffs were incredible. Yeah, didn't give him a chance. Like he was booting the shit out of the ball and in the end zone, and it took Lockett out of the game basically. Lockett did nothing. And if he made that field goal, he's the MVP of that game. Good point. And Pete Carroll, another poor coaching decision that works out.

Well, this one worked out. Fourth and 14, he passes up a field goal. Was it shorter than the one Hoshka ended up kicking to make it 10-9? What's going on in that game? Fourth and 14. What about these teams that complain that they didn't have the headset?

Right. What do you do all week during practice? Your team is just completely... Oh, yeah. It's like the SNL teleprompter skit with David Allen Greer, the morning show, when the teleprompter breaks and it just turns into lord of the flies it's like really you can't can't just say hey guy we're gonna run left on this one on two yeah ready break hey doug do run run it out pattern really the headset's that important it's

a convenient excuse it really does seem like it uh we should mention Brian Hoyer, quickly. That game was over in 11 seconds. It was 7-0, Chiefs, with the 14-49 minute mark of the first quarter. I felt like it was over. Brian Hoyer, though, pulled off a full de l'homme. I was really proud of him. That was nice. Four picks and a fumble. He had three picks and a fumble.

He just had a de l'homme. Needed the fourth pick for the full DeLome and got it off the full DeLome it was great and it's a home game why don't they announce it there they should stop the game for a minute and say the full DeLome full DeLome has just happened how does Brandon Whedon not come into that game in halftime though I thought it was gonna I thought

the drive before halftime then halftime then I thought okay the drive right after the failed drive in the third quarter like yeah i don't i don't think he brings him back because i don't think you're giving the chiefs enough credit and i see why you're not because you're a little nervous this week not nervous really no uh bill o'brien underrated horrendous coaching job because not only did he not pull hoyer when it was clear Hoyer was just broken but we we find out J.J. Watt's been battling this groin injury for seven eight weeks right

put him in the back then he gets hurt again first and goal puts him in like he's Jim Brown in 1960 it's like is he hurt or not right if he's hurt why is he in there with a pulled groin trying to run the ball like this is ridiculous You're down two scores. You're down two scores. You're not up 38-7 in the Super Bowl. This isn't a refrigerator Perry moment. Yeah, you're in the one-yard line. Right.

Everyone knows he's getting it. That was ridiculous. I also, though, think they were just happy to be there. They were outclassed. But let me ask you this. I've been going at it with Twitter jerks. Don't look at them. Oh, stop it. No, it's good.

It keeps me going. Don't look at them. Well, I it. No, it's good. It keeps me going. Don't look at them. Well, I'm like, you know, the Texans are hard knocks. Curse lives on. They're like, how'd your Cowboys do it? I'm like, what's worse, not making the playoffs or making and getting shut out at home in the opening round? I think it's the same.

Well, especially like AFC South is the only reason you made it because you're in the worst. Right. Okay, thanks. The worst. Yeah. Tell them to settle down okay hey uh before we before we talk about the super broads uh i want to give a shout out to meandies.com the home of great fitting underwear that happens to be two times softer than cotton you don't just want your underwear comfy so you want the world's most

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If you don't like your first pair, Don't worry. You won't use it. MeUndies.com slash BS. Okay. Ranking the playoff teams. Down to eight. You can tell me. These are my rankings. If you disagree, disagree.

I have Green Bay eighth. I think they're the worst team left. They didn't throw me off their scent by playing well for three quarters I agree. I have Green Bay eighth. I think they're the worst team left. I'm not. They didn't throw me off their scent by playing well for three quarters against a Redskins defense that just died. Yeah, I guess they have to be. So their odds have dropped from 35 to 1 to 16 to 1. Seems logical. Right.

Number seven, I got Pittsburgh. Yeah, I was almost going to say they could be eighth, too. Just because Roethlisberger's hurt. But then again, it's like... By the way, how about when he goes off with the separated children and he comes back? Mm-hmm. And I'm not accusing anyone of anything. I don't know what happens in a locker room when they check on a shoulder. Right.

I'm guessing there might have been pain medicine involved. I don't think so. Possibly? No, yeah. yeah you don't think so you don't think he just threw he comes back in it's pouring rain they show him on the sidelines and he's just staring out in the field vacantly right and he doesn't have his jacket on and uh and then somebody came over and they put a jacket on it was like he didn't even realize somebody was touching him and may said he looked like i was watching with robert mays uh formerly at grantland he said that he looked like john travolta in the pulp fiction scene after he'd done heroin when he's just driving in the car and he's looking at the sky and it's like everything's in slow motion right lord knows what happened in that locker room but uh it's just funny. And then he sits out a series.

He watches. So they shot him up. They had to have shot him up, right? I'm guessing. But he was on the sideline. So he just needed that much time. They fix the separated shoulder. They pop it back in. He needed time to.

They shoot something in. And then whatever. He was watching his team lose. And then he's like, all right, he's coming back in. Yeah. He was like, hey, Tom, I want to come back in. I was like, no, I'm Mike. I'm Mike Tomlin.

Tom, I want to come back in. Those are Bill's underwear. You're talking about Tom. That's different Tom. We could beat Cleveland. I swear to God. No, no, we're playing Cincinnati. Yeah, so anyway, they dropped from 7-1 last week.

They win. Right. And now they're 12-1. 12-1. Not a good sign. Plus, Antonio Brown got knocked out, but they're claiming it's 12 to 1 not a good sign plus antonio brown got knocked out but they're claiming it's fine and he's passed the concussion protocol i'm sure he's passed it with flying colors everyone will play yeah he was he was down for five minutes face down but he's

fine uh denver i have number six only because i what what is this ranking this is in terms of uh how surprised you'd be if they'd win the Super Bowl? Yeah, which is value of the odds. Okay, what are the odds? Right now they're plus 550. Oh, yeah, that's low for them. Seems low. I don't know what to expect from them this week.

They're favored this week. Next week they'd play probably the Pats at home. That'll be low. It'll be low. And then there'll be underdogs in the Super Bowl. Plus 550 doesn't seem logical to me. Casey, we were on this last week. Casey was 24-1 last week.

We all thought that was too high. Now it's plus 850. Wow. Yeah. That was the best bet last week. So they beat a team that they were like three and a half point favored over. They were supposed to win, but not destroy. So they look so good.

But now the odds aren't good because they're going to be like plus 250 or plus 300 in New England. Right, yeah. And then they're going to be underdogs next week and then they'll be underdogs in the Super Bowl. Take them every week. Yeah, but the week to do it was 24 to 1. Seattle is plus 550. I don't like those odds either. They were plus 600 every week. Yeah, but the week to do it was 24 to 1. Seattle is plus 550. I don't like those odds either. They were plus 600 last week.

Do you just get the feeling they're going to be in the NFC Championship? They got to win in Carolina, in Arizona, and then they got to win the Super Bowl. So even if you parlayed those three games, that doesn't add up to plus 550. New England's plus 450. That gets a little more interesting. Because, oh no, I'm sorry, they're plus 400. Because that dropped a little from plus 450. Because they win this week, probably three-point underdogs next week in Denver.

Unless Denver loses to Pittsburgh, then they'd be like eight-point favorites. Right. So four to one's about right. Four to one's about right. But the thing is, you're going to have people just betting them to win the super bowl them and seattle so you probably just take them game by game also carolina's plus 500 that has not moved and then arizona has dropped they did nothing just sat all week it's dropped from plus 450 to plus 350 people were betting arizona heavily then, I guess.

Maybe they listen to our podcast and listen to our Arizona Pats bet that we have. They're going to the Super Bowl. Plus 700. Anything else I missed? Wait, did you miss a team? You got every team there? Yeah. Oh.

No, I guess we could do the Lions now. Let's do the Lions. So you had a nice viewing experience. We watched, it was at Corolla's, and you've seen The Revenant? Yeah. All right. This is going to be a little spoiler for Revenant. People haven't seen it and want to see it.

No, don't spoil The Revenant. Well, it's one scene. Can we do it right at the end? Yeah. Hold the story until the tail end of the pod. It's just one scene with the bear everyone knows oh it's not a bear people know about the bear okay go ahead keep going keep going we'll come back to it you want to come back to it i don't know there's one scene with dicaprio where he he the the villain says if you believe no no no yeah wait wait all right i'll tell you off there anyway we

spent four hours on it okay yeah golden gloves last night yeah did you watch yeah yeah i caught little in between is denzel done uh with the speech denzel the people just get so bombed they lose uh you tell you denzel's speech was the equivalent of if i threw you a 60th birthday party yeah 14 years from now but it was a surprise right you had no idea it was coming you've had a few drinks then like i'll go up and say a couple words all right i'll say hey guys uh thanks for the party uh here's my family uh one of our sons isn't here. I can't remember why. It was one of those. He knew he was getting the Lifetime Achievement Award.

You're wearing a suit. You knew weeks and weeks ahead of time. Prepare anything, Denzel. It was great. It was the best. Pretty good. I loved Matt Damon's reaction. Ricky Gervais was especially mean yesterday

to the point that... You liked it? Oh, yeah. Come on. It's so uncomfortable. Who cares? He introduces Damon by being the only person Ben Affleck has been able to stay faithful to. Here he is, Matt Damon, or whatever he said.

And Matt Damon just kind of walks out with that dumb look on his face. He didn't say anything. Jennifer Lawrence had an incredible show-stopping necklace. Are we going to talk about that? Great necklace. I liked A.S.U. It made me laugh.

That was funny. Is the Jonah Hill bear thing over yet? Oh, yeah. That went a while. Oh, wait. He's in the driveway. He's still going. Still pushing that one.

Yeah. I just think it really is the best award show they get so hammered these people you can tell even the ones that have prepared speeches are a little out of it they're like roethlisberger coming back from uh the locker room yeah it's true i like that like all award shows they they don't time it right and they get to the end and they're just rushing through everything and it's like the leo moment should have been like five minutes they're like hey leo get off the stage we got to wrap this up but jonah hill was on for three times longer right

right that was uh that was hilarious hey my favorite part of the whole night was sliced alone forgetting to thank any of the black people oh yeah right just left them all out and then he felt bad he's just old it wasn't sly's fault but it's like you maybe want to he mentioned 27 agents and 17 producers hey what about ryan coogler and michael b jordan sure maybe you want to mention those guys for reinvigorating the rocky franchise mentioned his imaginary friend which you know there's concussions in movie making now you can now if he's thanking his imaginary friend rocky balboa it was rough i i actually felt really bad for coogler and mbj because uh well they have to be mentioned by slag when he wins the oscar he'll be all over them they'll

be the first ones what a moment he's like i'd like to thank i'd like to thank uh my sixth wife forgive me the love yeah and my my kids whatever set of kids these are this is great yeah thanks to them it's a great award show i almost wish it was on a night that didn't have so many other things going on right well but it was the first it's the first night without a sunday night game and it's before game of thrones and that. Also, I was excited. The Martian was hilarious. I mean, it was great to see it. What is that? Was it a musical or a comedy?

How does it fall in that category? What was funny, the Martian or the tourist, if you had to guess? The tourist had some good laughs. Good belly chuckles. That got nominated last year. The tourist. The Golden Globes, if you it's just it seems like it's

just a bunch of foreign journalists that live in la that get to vote on who's who and it's not that many of them you can actually it's can we bet on the golden globes because when i watch it i know every category it's like oh of course the revenant's gonna win it's got spanish director and all the stuff i'll find something next year i'm gonna find it it. It's just like, yeah, we should find that. It was like, of course, The Martian's going to win because Ridley Scott's a million years old and they're going to credit him. I really like The Martian.

I don't like that they take out the swearing. Like, NBC just butchered. I could see one word, two words, but they'll do like three lines at a time. They'll just be like, silence. Come on. I thought The Room should have won the Oscar because when i told you what the plot of the movie was you thought you were doing what we were doing one of our fake bits i got a few of those that people said this

is definitely a fake simmons sal uh show here's another one this one is a real show and people don't realize it what was it um? It's called The Shipment. Have you seen it? No. It's on Crackle. Oh, really? Get Crackle? Okay, yeah, I know Crackle.

It's Sports Jeopardy. It's Maya Rudolph. Remember Maya Rudolph from SNL? She's married to Omar Epps. He's a quarterback. He's in his late 30s. His body's breaking down. And he wants to start doing HGHgh kind of prolong his career oh ships it

to his wife because it's you know he doesn't want his name attached to it is this based on a true story no oh not at all they developed this three years ago so she's getting the hgh she's on the road he's with the football team she she gets a little taste let me let me try this starts taking it. Puts on 40 pounds of muscle. Becomes a bodybuilder. I like it. Becomes a competitive bodybuilder. The shipment.

And the great thing is, it's an amazing transformation by Maya Rudolph. She literally puts on the 40 pounds of muscle. You won't even recognize her. Really? She's huge. She's competing. It's great.

The shipment on crack. I gotta have to see that. Yeah, you gotta check that out. Here comes the sheriff. It's great. The shipment on crack. I got to have to see that. Yeah. You got to check that out. It's eight episodes. You'll binge watch it. I have, I would watch the shipment first,

but there's also, there's another one coming out. There is. Yeah. And because there's no Sunday night game, maybe you want to watch it after Pittsburgh. Remember Bronson pinch it. Bronson pinch show.

Pinch show. Sorry. Well, and now he goes by Bronson Pinchot. Okay. Because he's trying to revitalize his career. Yeah, and he's with Vantazzi Perfect. Vantazzi Perfect and Bronson Pinchot. Yeah, they live together.

And Vantazzi, he just beats the shit out of him. What reason? Well, he can't take the accent. He doesn't like it, and he beats him up but and it streams on at the shell station yeah you know the gas station where they have little videos on the little video yeah right yeah yeah that that's the only place you could see it so you have to watch all the episodes there so it's like a little six episode show yeah it's called perfect strangers yeah he really just kicks him around like a dog he hates him

oh you catch it at the shell station you must made me joke perfect it's good it's gonna be good watch it with the shipment the 76 gas stations they're thinking of picking that too. Yeah, they might pick that. It's right now. It's just at the show. People huddled around the pumps.

All right, round two. Let's do it. We have four home favorites. Yes. Four of our eight quarterbacks were number one overall picks. Not counting Tom Brady. Look at that. Teams that won eight of the last 14 Super Bowls still alive.

It's a round where the entire league has been called out by future president Donald Trump. Right. Said everybody's soft. I saw that. He hates the fact that the Bengals-Steelers game that people reacted the way they did. He misses the days when men were men and football is football. Yeah. It'd be interesting to see how the players react to that

when the president calls you out like that. He runs beauty pageants. He thinks the NFL's soft. I love it. Pats-Casey is the first game. I don't know if I like that. Saturday, 435 Eastern. Casey's won 11 straight.

They have 47 sacks, 22 picks this year. Jeremy Macklin, probably about, what, 60%, you think? It's going to hurt them. I could see him playing, but being limited.

Yeah, it's almost better for the Pats if he plays and he's not good. They have not won in New England since 1990. Right. Kansas City Chiefs. Not that that totally matters, but 0-5 since 1990.

All the Patriots are going to be back, it looks like. All the key ones that we were missing. Edelman, Amendola, Hightower, Sebastian Vollmer. I picked the Patriots by six points. In three of the four games, we had exactly the same number, and this is one of them. Wait, what'd you say, four? No, six.

Six, right. I said six, you said six. It's five and a half. You would like that to be higher. And you would have liked to have gotten the first seed. Let's admit it. Let's admit it.

All this genius maybe laying down against the Jets and Dolphins. I'd rather play Pittsburgh with Ben Roethlisberger's separated shoulder and Antonio Brown coming off a concussion. Right. Not that I don't mean to be mean about that, but they're really banged up. Sure.

And they just had a super-duper physical game. The two teams that I'm interested in this week, from just the residue of last week's standpoint, Pittsburgh, because that was such a physical game. And then just Seattle coming off that really physical cold weather game. And then having to play a week later. Yeah. I don't know.

I worry about them physically. I just can't imagine those guys feel good in the morning. I don't worry about them. I don't care about him as much the marcellus wiley story about you know he would talk about how hard football is in your body he would say like right he couldn't get out of bed the next day and you have to put a bottle next to his bed to pee in it because it would hurt too much to walk to the bathroom right so compound that with the minus six and then seattle's gotta ratchet it back up. I don't know.

All right. So you like the Chiefs. You're going to pick the Chiefs on SportsCenter. I can feel it. I don't know. I think this is – all right. I think you have Andy Reid in the back of your head. You're like, we can't lose our first home playoff game to Andy Reid.

Nothing else really matters. I think that's your – There's a playoff upset recipe here for the Chiefs against this Patriots team, right? You shorten the game. Yeah. The Chiefs do a lot of third and four, third and three, these long drives, and it always seems like you're going to stop them. Then all of a sudden they get five yards again.

And then a big pass rush that can disrupt us potentially with the offensive line we have. Yeah. And the tight end is going to be a problem. Kelsey. Kelsey's tough to, yeah. Unless if high towers a hundred percent,

then I'll, and Collins and I'll feel better about that. This could be close. This is not, this is not your 44, seven opening round at home. Patriots win. The only thing I'd say is I think the Patriots threw people off their scent a little the

last two months. I think people forget when they have Amendola and Edelman going across the field and Gronk running over the middle versus being used as a decoy for the last couple months. It's a really good offense. Well, it's all that offensive line. If it truly is back, then you're in good shape, I think. Well, that's the part I'm worried about because I don't know the answer to that. I don't love the 435 Saturday.

It just feels weird. You'd rather have the night game or one of the Sunday games? Or a Sunday. I don't know. Saturday 430. Who plays NFL on Saturday 430? Well, you played the Ravens in that close game where you were down by two touchdowns twice. Was it an overtime?

Or you won 38-35 or something. Yeah. It was Saturday. That was one of Brady's greatest games. That was a Shakey's game. You missed our Shakey's banquet this week. I know. I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's all right. I was on Mr. Mom duty. Here's the highlight. Brad gets the trophy. Within six minutes, pours orange soda on the base of the trophy accidentally or yeah accidentally

this is not NASCAR where you were drinking the milk yeah it's stained it's a mess already he's had it for ten minutes what's the over under of pieces that trophy's gonna be in when are we gonna see it I don't know we can't tell you but the mook was there Paul Kohlers is there big feud cause Brad voted out and when are we going to see it? We're never going to see it. I don't know. We can't tell you. But the MOOC was there. Paul Kohlhurst was there.

Big feud because Brad voted out Paul Kohlhurst twice in three years. Paul voted Brad. I'm sorry. Paul voted out Brad twice in three years. So now the fun of this is you get your trophy, you make everyone sweat it out until September, and then at the draft you kick someone out. Brad gets there and he's like,

you're out. You're done, MOOC. You're done. 21 months. That's the next time. You're done. 21 months. That's the next time we'll see you. 21 months from now. 21. Can you live with that?

21 months. Like, all right. There's like three kids' birthday parties going on at Shakey's. Kids are looking around. It's really weird. And yeah, I kind of felt bad for the Mook a little bit. Well, then again, don't vote out Brad twice in three years baby you don't want to i was like you could have fun with this you could have him show up at the draft and pretend maybe

someone else is getting kicked out and paul could be covered in molasses and then kick him out you know he's like nope he's out i'm telling him right now he's done you don't start a land war with vietnam in the 1950s it's just a bad idea you're gonna lose a lane where that was it he started a lane where with brad it's never gonna end well brad gets a he's sitting on his chair and you know he's everything's very abrupt with him so for some reason he pushes away from the table and like i said there was kids birthday parties going on and he crushes a kid behind him the kid goes flying in a chair and two chairs fall and now everyone's looking and brad i was like i'm like i'm not even gonna deal with this the kid's father is right behind and i like and then like a few

minutes later i said brad what happened he's like nothing i looked at the kid who was about to cry and i gave him the look and he knew after that look that he shouldn't cry and i said to the father my he's all right he's all right now is it it's like great didn't say brad doesn't have any kids keep him away uh well this line i think drops to four by game time really yeah i do i think i think people are going to talk themselves just if you look at the four games the chiefs and the seahawks are the two teams that the two road teams that everyone's going to talk themselves into this week i just want to remind everybody that this is Bill Belichick against Andy Reid. I know. And I'd also like to remind everybody that this is Tom Brady versus Alex Smith.

Just throwing those two things out there for everybody. Andy Reid came within a field goal beating you in the Super Bowl, right? No. No? We're up 10. Oh, all right. They got a cheap touchdown at the end of the game.

We won by seven, I think. Oh, you did? Okay, it was one- Tate, did we win by seven or 10? No, you won all those field goals by three. Oh, yeah, you're right. You won all those by three. Did you ever think Philly was going to win that game when you were watching it? Ever? At any point? No, I don't think so.

I wasn't exactly sweating out in those stands. It was 35-28. Are you sure? No, I think it was... No, they won... It was 24-21. Come on, Tate. That was the weirdest Super Bowl I've ever been to because all the Eagles fans quit on, they were all in the stadium.

It was like half Eagles fans. And they all quit on the Eagles in like the second quarter. They were like, ah, this is, they were just angry. It was in Jacksonville. That was the worst Super Bowl I've ever been to. Green Bay in Arizona, Saturday night. This is fun. How happy was, who has the Saturday night game?

Is it NBC? I think so. How happy are they that it's Rodgers instead of Vikings? Oh, no, it would have been Vikings. Or Washington, whatever. No, no, you're right. No, it would have been Vikings. No, it would have been Washington.

Well, it depends if they. Yeah, Green Bay-Washington was going to Arizona. Yeah, it would have been Kirk Cousins. Oh, yeah, you're right. Okay. No, no, wait a minute. Hold on. Yeah, because the six seed was Seattle.

Seattle's the sixth. They go to one. Right, you got it. Right. All the stats were going to be thrown during the week, and Kirk Cousins 72% at home, even higher at home, 72% otherwise. I read Cousins, 26 starts. He's not beating a team with a winning record.

That would have been nice to know. You don't like that? That would have been nice to know. No, but it's like everyone to convince us to bet the Redskins. The only thing I'll say about your division theory, which was just we should have gone against the AFC South, the NFC East, like no-brainer. There's been years where that theory's been in play

and then the team's won in round one. Like the Seawks saints year remember the seahawks they were like eight and eight right seven and nine right well i like to see the results of the game and then come up with a theory so yeah i'm on that's we're doing that i uh i have the cardinals by eight okay so this is the only game we differed on. Like I said, we had three exactly the same. You're going to pull this out. I said Cardinals by four. I didn't think Vegas respected them.

It's seven. It's a full seven. Who are we teasing the Cardinals with? Oh, wow. Yeah. 38-8, they won December 27th. They beat the Green Bay team. Pat's Cardinals tease.

Really? I don't know who's killing us on that one. All right. We had a... Green Bay left tackle is questionable. David Bakhtari. We had the Chiefs straight up. We had a smaller Chiefs-Skins parlay, or at least I did.

But then we teased the under with the Seahawks that somehow won. Yeah. I've never felt worse about winning a bet. I felt so bad for Boros. It was nice so that you didn't have to worry about one leg of that teaser at all. We knew halfway through the first quarter, like, got the under. That's nice. Rooting for the Seahawks.

Everyone's really cold. Yeah. And then, so Pat's, I think, be at like four and a half on Friday. All right. Well, there's other games you might like better in the tease zone. I don't think so. Namely Alabama tonight. All right. Sunday.

Do you have a pick for that? I like Alabama. I think this is Saban. Saban is your Belichick. That's it like he just wins these kind of games but i would rather have a connor cook type quarterback for alabama to feast on because clemson got lots moves a lot but um bama pulls it out congratulations to nick saban for uh being the checkers champion of the world again checkers yeah he's in college

playing checkers oh wow just recruiting guys he's getting the best cherry picking the best athletes every year he's kicking ass trying to pull him into the nfl you're he tried to play chess in the nfl and he got his ass kicked and now he's playing checkers in college again i like it it's good nine to five he's working a nine to five schedule every day. Maybe a couple of recruiting trips. Doesn't have the balls to come back. I don't know. I'm just calling out Nick Saban. I'm trying to get a sports blog post.

Simmons, Saban has no balls. Plays checkers. We go years. We have to have you guys play checkers. But if you're a great coach, you should be in the NFL. You think so? Yeah, I do. They're just not built.

I don't know. Some guys just aren't built for it. I think college hoops, college football. College hoops, it's like, here's my system, and I'm just going to recruit new guys every year and shove them into my system. You're not coaching. He's not going to make much more or even more money, though.

It's great. Hey, listen, 35-hour work week, it's great. It's a great job. You should keep doing it. All right. Recruit some more dudes in Alabama. I've been to all these years. I had no idea this was your hot take on it.

It's not even a hot take. It's checkers. You feel the same about college basketball? Yes. You do? I do. Really? Especially now that it's the one and done era.

Yeah. Just go out and get guys for a year, throw them in a system. These guys have no idea how to, like Kyle Perry. I just want to say all due respect to John Kyle Perry and all he's achieved. Paying him $12 million a year to coach in the NBA, which is what Wojnarowski reported that's what he wanted. That'd be insane. No idea if this guy would be a good NBA coach. He has none of the characteristics that make for a good NBA coach.

He's panicky. He's like, you watch him in these big games. He gets like really loud, tight. He wants to be the center of attention. That stuff doesn't work in the NBA. Well, that's why I don't think it's necessarily a good or smart transition. You have guys who lose three games in five years. In football or basketball?

Both. And then after a month, they have four losses. I think it's a shame that Saban's not going to try NFL again because I think his Miami situation really came down to not having a quarterback. And we say this every single year. You need a quarterback. There's eight quarterbacks who win the Super Bowl every year. You're not winning it with Kirk Cousins.

You're winning it with Aaron Rodgers or Russell Wilson or Cam Newton or Tom Brady. If you don't have those guys, you're not winning the Super Bowl. And he had a bunch of crappy guys. And it all came down to him not getting Drew Brees. If they just signed Drew Brees, he'd still be in the NFL. He'd be in like year nine in Miami. Yeah, but the average grade college coach is going to be about 50, 55 years old before he's established as a grade college coach.

So you're going to spend the next four years rebuilding. It's just not in their psyche, I don't think. Nick Saban's like, uh-oh, I got less miles this week. I might have to work until 5.30 instead of 5 on Monday. There's also, though, that hatred. You give that up right away. He probably hates six coaches. Just wants to go at their throats.

That's true. Listen, it's an easier life. Congratulations to him. Speaking of easy, it's 2016. It's a new year. I think it's finally time to get organized with LegalZoom, the leader in helping small business owners and families with their legal needs. You might have a family.

You might have assets. You might have property. You might have all three. So why not have an estate plan, Sal? Do you have an estate plan? Let's do it. I don't yet. No.

I don't have a website. Do you have a will? I don't have underwear. I don't have anything? Do you have an estate plan? Let's do it. I don't yet. No. Do you have a will? I don't have underwear. I don't have anything. Do you have a will? No. Everybody knows where it goes. Oh my God. You have to have a will. That's terrible.

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They'll walk you through your options. They'll recommend an estate plan that offers the best solution to fit your needs. Who are you going to leave all your cowboy stuff to? Can I just say, a will is weird. Maybe Darren. You're afraid of a will because it's an admission that you might die someday. Well, it's more that on any given Monday, my net worth varies widely. Yeah, I see that.

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Really? Yeah. I left you an uncut sheet from the mid-70s. Oh, really? Nice. I didn't really, but I'll do it. I'm going to add that to the list. Come on, do it. Leave me something.

I'm going to add that to the list. You've got a lot of stuff around here. Yeah, I've got a lot. What am I going to do with all this stuff? That's the thing. You hit your mid-40s. You're like, why did I collect all this stuff? Yeah.

Note to the people in their 20s and 30s, don't collect stuff. Right. It just goes in your garage. It's heartbreaking. Yeah. Note to the people in their 20s and 30s, don't collect stuff. Right. It just goes in your garage. It's heartbreaking. Yeah, you have like 10, 12 frames, 10 awesome things. You might have an office

you get to decorate. That's it. Just leave me Tate. I'll be happy. That's it. Tate's in the will. Sunday games. It's 1.05 p.m.

Seattle, Carolina. Is this the game of the week? They're all pretty good. Poor Seattle's getting brutalized with these morning games that aren't on West Coast time. They're trying to beat every theory that we've ever had about West Coast to East Coast, cold weather, week after cold weather.

Hold on, I can't remember. Oh, I picked Carolina by four. Would you have? You had the same? And I had them by four would you have you had a by four and you just like you said west coast to east coast cold weather brutal tough game against a 15-1 team really Seattle couldn't have looked worse in a win and they're only getting three points. Wow. Yeah. Last four meetings. Thanks to Peter King for this.

Very close. Seattle by four in 2012. Seattle by five in 2013. Seattle by four in 2014. Carolina by four this season. And when they won this season over Seattle, it did feel like the bully getting upended by the little brother. The little brother finally beating the big brother in the backyard and something. One of those kind

of things. I don't know if that translates. Week six, we still didn't think Carolina was good. Apparently, nobody still thinks Carolina's that good, but in week six, we weren't convinced with Carolina. They were down nine in that game in the fourth quarter, and they won 27-23. I really like Carolina in this game, and yet, going against Russell Wilson,

it's just scary because he has those plays, like the one he pulled out of his butt in the game yesterday, where it's like he fumbles the snap. He's about to just fall on it, looks up for a second, realizes he's not going to get sacked, and gets up and creates a 48-yard play. As you said, nobody can do that. So he's going to have two of those moments.

It sucks to go against him. Let me ask you this. Tom Brady gets hurt. I don't know what happens. He falls down the steps. Why are we talking about this? I want to say it. I don't want Tom Brady to be hurt.

All right, forget that part. But Roger Goodell says, you know, I haven't been fair to the Patriots. I'm going to give him either Russell Wilson or Cam Newton for this game against the Chiefs. Sam and Jude decide. Who do you want? With the offense that we have, I'd want Cam Newton. Yeah.

Actually, I think Cam Newton's the best quarterback in the league right now. Yeah, I do. I do. He's the MVP. I mean, it's hard to argue, but... I just think he did the most with the least. Like Ted Ginn. Deion had that great quote

uh this weekend about ted green's having a great year but i still wouldn't drop my baby out of a burning building to him which sums up the ted ginn experience to a t who said that dion tannis a good line by he's very quotable this weekend unbelievable yeah he really was wow but um i like the matchup for carolina like car like se Seattle's really had trouble covering these tight ends all season. And Carolina's tight end is the second best one in the league. They can run and camp can extend plays. I just think, well, Norman's great. Great defense.

You're going to see that deep ball. Wilson, he's going to connect. Unless it's cold again. It's going to be cold again? So you like Seattle, it sounds like. I don't know. I don't hate that line. That's a terrible line.

Minus three. I need to think about it somewhere. All right. Pittsburgh at Denver, 4.40 p.m. Sunday. Nance and Sims, I'm hoping, right? That's got to be. Nance is like... Whatever, like, Viagra and Cialis, all that stuff does,

Nance gets that naturally from a Peyton Manning game. He does? At this stage of his career, yeah. It's almost like you're just dousing him in Viagra. Nance has that all shipped to Manning's wife and then comes and picks it up. We both said three here. And Jim, what an audible by peyton manning right there jim maybe he doesn't have the arm strength but it's the know-how listen to you i can't wait

oh god it's gonna be great jim that's the best eight yard pass i've ever seen thank god for peyton manning oh it's gonna be unbelievable let's never talk about any controversy with him at all. You have no voice. I don't. You're fighting through this. Maybe Jim Nance might not even do this game. No, of course not.

It might have been a Randall Cobb, Randall Tex Cobb, Howard Cosell moment. Right, that might be it. That's it for him. I'm doing golf. Guys, just golf. Jordan Spieth is 30 under. I'm going back. Tennis and some selected women's college basketball.

That's all I can handle emotionally. I don't want any violence. You're going to be shocked by this line. We both said three. Obviously. I had Broncos by three. As did I. And it's Broncos by seven.

Because the Roethlisberger's hurt. But everyone's going to forget about that by Friday-ish. Right? And they're like, oh my God, I can get Pittsburgh plus seven against a Peyton Manning. I don't even know which one's going to show up. Definitely not the one from 2006. I think people need to really remember how bad he was

in the first two months of the season and how lucky that team's been. You know, I keep track of those straight wins, straight losses, and then either-or games, and they only had four legitimate wins the whole year. Denver. They are the luckiest team in a while. Wow. Just break after break after break in games, like Gronkowski gets hurt in that Patriot game.

Just over and over again, and then now it's round two. For some reason, the Pats throw away the last two weeks of the season give denver the one seed and now they get the steelers with ross's rothlisberger who has a separated right shoulder which is a problem since he throws with his right arm yeah now that is bad the catch is that he's been rothlisberger and he's almost like frankenstein like it just seems like he whatever happens to him you always feel like he's going to be fine. Yeah. He's like out of the 1960s. I know. It's outrageous. He just comes up. He's like indestructible.

34-27, Pittsburgh beat them. That was like a late afternoon, December 20th. Denver had a big lead. That was Osweiler's team. It's a good matchup for Pittsburgh if he's healthy. I like all four games. I'm excited. What do they have?

I think Barnwell said Pittsburgh has the fifth-ranked run defense. Right. I think that sounds right. Denver is going to have to do the ball control, running, play action, all that thing. But I don't know if they're going to be able to run the ball in Pittsburgh. If you can throw the ball on them. It might be the other way around, too.

One of these guys fumbles, right? Toussaint, Tod todman something stupid happens well that's the thing so pittsburgh man i thought since he's d i thought they i was really surprised it seemed like they wanted pittsburgh to run the ball but i was surprised i couldn't stop it right there's a lot of yardage there so you it sounds like you're leaning toward and you're red high 14 and four in your best bets sounds like you're leaning a little bit toward the Seahawks and the Steelers. I'm surprised that, looking at these four lines, I'm surprised the Chiefs are as, Patriots are as low as they are.

I'm surprised the Broncos, and I'm surprised that Carolina's as low as they are. That's it. Those are the two biggest. I ran into Bob Kraft at the HBO Golden Globes party last night. Oh yeah? Yeah. He's feeling good about where the, about everybody back. I ran into Bob Craft at the HBO Golden Globes party last night. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He's feeling good about everybody back.

Is this true? I really did. Really? Yeah, I took a picture. I'll put it on social media. Yeah, put it up there. Were you wearing your MeUndies? I wasn't.

I was wearing a suit. But, uh, no, we were just talking about just how miserable it was to be a Patriots fan for, I don't know, 40 years? Right.

First 35 years of my life or whatever. We just, just sucked. Yeah. It was like, it was really like being a Jets fan. Like the Jets fan, Jets fans and Pats fans were kindred spirits.

And then it just flipped. Would there be, I don't think it works out this way, just the way some teams can, can't do it, but you did, you know, it would have been nice for HBO. They've done a lot for you convince craft to do hard knocks next year

oh my god can you imagine that'd be great they would never do that wouldn't allow oh my god yeah he never allowed he is belichick's interesting though he does like being documented the nfl films has gotten some really good behind the scenes stuff with them yeah the coach's life thing that they did with them was excellent a couple years ago yeah and that the thing they did this year what's funny is mcdaniel should be one of the candidates for all these jobs right not even not gonna happen i think i think some silent agreement have some deal i think it's just like when i retire this is all yours really and mcdaniel deal. I think it's just like, when I retire, this is all yours. Really? And McDaniels is smart

and he's only like 40. I would definitely trust anything he says, Belichick, if I'm McDaniels. That felt like a dig. It's good that he's turned down all these jobs.

How are you feeling about our boy at the Browns going super analytical? Hired the Dodgers metrics guy. They're going all metrics that's that's metric guy that's metric guy yeah i know my worlds are colliding here listen they're the laughingstock anyway right and now they just have to why not get super smart yeah and they have to hire a coach that goes along with this stuff but but i'm so frustrated my boy lombardi who did a really good

job in the year he was there Just by trading Trent Richardson And getting a pick for him And You know He brought in Hoyer And Hoyer blew out his knee That wasn't his fault

But Hoyer was a starting quarterback And they're set up for that draft They have the fourth pick And a second first runner Yeah They have the fourth pick In a draft that has On the board

Sammy Watkins Khalil Mack, Odell Beckham, and Aaron Donald. Those are four of the next eight picks. And Josh Gordon is not going to be it.

The easy one is to take Watkins. Even if you make the deal that they made with Buffalo to get another pick and move down to nine, you take Aaron Donald

or you take Odell. I'm with you. That's one of the greatest trades of all time. I'm with you. Or they take the cornerback, Gilbert, right? What a shame. I think Lombardi should be considered. The guy's done a good job for the Pats, too.

He's found a lot of dudes. I love Lombardi. I love him. But I don't blame the Manziel pick. At the time, everybody, not even just fans, all the GMs were like, yeah, that's a good spot. Good grab for the Browns there. I love Manziel.

Yeah. Who knew that he was a child actor, basically. Yeah. It's like a child actor. It's like if Corey Feldman was a quarterback, it'd be Johnny Manziel. He's literally a child. He's wearing disguises and stuff. He's dressing up.

I like that. Who hasn't worn a disguise in Vegas? What do you got to plug, Sal, other than your Red Hot Sports Center picks? That's it. Jimmy Kimmel Live. Tonight, Ice Cube and Joanne Frogat from Downtown Abbey. I know I read that wrong. City and Color Music.

And later in the week, David Duchovny, Jillian Anderson, Chloe Grace Moretz, Josh Holloway, Leslie Mann, and Ariana Grande. Catch me on Twitter at TheCousinSal. And Thursday night, Friday AM, SportsCenter 3-0 last week, 5-1 the last two weeks 14-4 my best bets great week for Italian Americans me with my best bets

Mike Piazza, Sly Stallone, so there we go Mike Piazza? yeah, he made the Hall of Fame, ever hear of him? don't say anything bad come on, don't say anything bad come on don't say anything and Mike Lombardi throw him in there he did it

tell your Revenant story now and then we'll go well maybe maybe I should okay yeah actually let me do let me

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I have a bachelor podcast I did with Juliet. I might come back on this week. Oh, nice. If you want to hear my bachelor thoughts, I have a lot of bachelor thoughts. All right, here's your revenant story.

Well, and Carolla is like, we often miss plays and games and begin end of games or beginning of the next game because we're like, TiVo has hurt the commercial. You're supposed to zoom through the commercial. Yeah. He now stops it and analyzes it. you know the commercials are the game the oh the

commercials in painstaking fashion there's a mcdonald's commercial with the with the one woman eating a uh a breakfast sandwich in the car a motherly type and then a rebel type uh similar looking woman redhead pulls up on a motorcycle and she's like beat out by the woman, the motherly type. It's like, who's the rebel now? And he claims it was the same woman or it wasn't the same. Anyway, for four hours, we have to discuss if it's the same woman until I get our casting department. I said, I can't deal with this anymore.

We have to settle it this week. It ends up being two different women. He moves on to the Revenant. There's a scene where DiCaprio is dying they have to decide if they're going to bring them across wherever thousands of miles the bad guy the clear villain in there looks at dicaprio and says if you blink the cap is not able to speak if you blink i will kill you y'all i'll understand that you want me to kill you for the good of our our mission here you know yeah and which is a trick

of course you're gonna eventually blink right you have to blink right and dicaprio tries hard how do you remember the rest of this scene going i remember him trying hard not to blink right but then he blinks because human beings have to blink that's exactly how i remember it adam says that he he didn't even acknowledge that he tried not to blink, but he says he purposely blinks hard, like to say, okay, you're right. This is going to be too hard to carry me the rest of the way. You could kill me. I think he blinked because I think he knew Tom Hardy was going to kill him.

Yeah. And he's like, there's no way I could just sit here and not blink for the rest of my life. You have to blink. So when he blinked, he's like, this guy's going to kill me. Yeah. Like I'm screwed. Yeah, exactly. You blinked. You have to blink. So when he blinked, he's like, I'm going to, this guy's going to kill me. Yeah. Like, like I'm screwed.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You blinked because you had to blink. There's just no way not to blink. And once he blinked, he knew he was dead. So he's like,

ah, I blinked, I'm dead. That's what I said. But he tried not to, right? Tried not to. Tried not to.

Tried hard not to. Tried really hard. Spilled the orange soda on his, on his face, football trophy. All right. So the kid,

three hours later, we're like, listen, we get sent these screeners. We also get sent the scripts and you can kind of look online yeah scripts too we'll figure out if he tried to blink corolla's right the two men stare at each other we could see glasses mind racing after a tense moment glass slowly and deliberately blinks. So we're never going to hear the end of this. So Corolla was right? He was right. He deliberately blinked. Oh, no.

I know. Oh, there's nothing worse than when Corolla's right. What are we going to do? You have to come this Sunday and help me out. Every time you try to get me to come, you preface it with some 10-minute story about how horrible it is to be there because Corolla's stopping the commercials.

I do love it. You love it. Come on. I'm definitely not coming Saturday. I can tell you to be there because Corolla stopped in the commercial. So I do love it. You love it. Come on. I'm definitely not coming Saturday. I can tell you that much. No, no. Sunday. Sunday.

I'm going to get you to come Sunday for sure. Hanch is there. Everybody talks about how they hate their wives. It's great. I'm out for the Super Bowl. You're going to the game? No, I'm not going. Oh, you're out.

Oh, you're not going to the game. You know for sure. Why? Soccer. Oh, stop. It worked last year really yeah who was scheduling soccer tournaments in february 6th or whatever you know who doesn't care about about uh american football our number one sport yeah people who plan soccer tournaments really yeah is it like german soccer like how dare you call it football i'll show you you're not gonna watch any football It's a state cup, though.

It's important. All right. The Cuss, as always. Good job by you. Good job by you. We about this bitch. Anytime y'all want to see me again, rewind this track right here. Close your eyes.

And picture me rollin'