The Bill Simmons Podcast - Ep. 5: Week 5 NFL w/ Cousin Sal

Episode Date: October 7, 2015

HBO's Bill Simmons discusses shaky kickers, Pats-Cowboys, Todd Gurley's emergence, Kaepernick's swoon, Peyton Manning's gluten-free arm, NHL sleepers and "Guess the Lines" for Week 5 with Cousin Sal. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hopefully that will work out. And also I should mention I sound like crap because I'm on a hotel phone in San Francisco. I'm doing this Vanity Fair conference thingy today. And this is the only time for the rest of the year that Cousin Sal and I will not be doing the podcast on a Monday or a Tuesday. We'll try to be in the same room the whole time. Sal, how are you? Good, Bill. What's happening with you, man? Let's see. You had a bad loss, a bad Sunday night loss. People were upset that we didn't have a podcast the next day because

it's become kind of a tradition for us yeah I know I know they don't get they don't get my uh my vitriol my my instant vitriol after the game but yeah it's it's better for me better for my psyche can you feel like you had the rug pulled out from under you and got screwed over in a game when your quarterback is Brandon Whedon? What is that experience like? You know, once the missed field goal, I don't even know where to start with this. It just stinks that we're at the quarter pole mark or whatever you want to call it, and every single minute of every game has been a roller coaster. Like we said, like week one, Giants, they went on the last play of the game,

but they lose Dez. Week two, against the Eagles, they lose Romo, but win the game week three. What am I missing, Ray? I already forgot, but then the Saints lost. I liked it. It was a good race. No, you had the Falcons. The Falcons, of course, winning by 14, and then they blow that game,

and then the Saints, and it's just terrible stuff. I can't stand it. I have to watch these games alone. It's Sunday night. It's the last chance I have to spend with my kids, and I'm locked in a room saying the F word over and over and over. Well, they have the Pats this week, a bye week at the Giants. The Giants were good last week.

Home against the Seahawks, and then home for Philly on a Sunday night. That's pretty tough. That's a possible goose egg. It's torturous. You're doing this to me, and I get the value in it. You like it. But I know. I looked at it, and we have to be 5-5 by the time Romo gets back.

And that means either win home against Philly or at the Giants and then beat Miami and Tampa. And that just has to happen. We're not beating New England this week for sure. The good news is 8-8 or 7-9 might win that division. Yeah. I'm worried the Giants might be a little better than they're letting on. I mean, they could have been 4-0 too with a couple plays going one way or the other.

Yeah, and that was the only team that I really liked last weekend straight up. And, of course, I somehow figured out a way to lose money on it anyway. I did a parlay with them in the over. I thought that was going to be an offensive battle, and the Bills couldn't do anything. The Giants look good, though. The Giants are, I would say, a top-eight team, right? Yeah, I think right now.

Yeah. Right now they are. I don't know really how they're doing it. Like, Beckham's not the light in the world on fire and still not confident in Eli or their pass rush. But, yeah, it's enough to almost separate themselves from the rest of the NFC East. They have some playmakers.

Their defense is better than I think all of us thought. And their schedule's not that hard. They played your team in week one was probably the toughest game they had. They lost to the Falcons, Washington, Buffalo that last week. But now coming up, San Francisco at home, at Philly, home for Dallas. I don't think we're almost back by then. At New Orleans, at Tampa. And then they have the Pats and a bye.

And then they go at Washington, Jets, at Miami, Carolina will be tough, at Minnesota might be tough, home for Philly. That is not a tough schedule to play in a stretch. They're going to be alright. Are you in San Francisco to walk on to the team? What are you doing? Are you trying out coach? Let's talk about

Kaepernick because this might be the great gambling inefficiency to exploit of these next two weeks I think there's some real Chuck Knobloch here like did you watch that game like the throws that he was missing it was like wide open guys over the middle and him just throwing ground balls to them I I actually think he he he might be losing it, like literally unraveling. Did you see that? I did.

I saw a lot of it. And, you know, our inclination right away, or the average sports fan, football fan, is to say, oh, the quarterback stinks. But then I wonder, all right, this guy's under siege a lot. That's bad. You know, it plays with his mind a little bit. But, yeah, his throws are way off, way off. He's Steve Saxon or Knobloch or whatever you just said.

Yeah, and he seems – I think he's an atypical QB anyway. He seems like a little bit of a strange guy, kind of a loner, a little eccentric, not your typical, like, let me galvanize my teammates kind of quarterback. And it just seems like he's weighing his own head. I actually think, and this is crazy, but their backup is Blaine Gabbert, who is terrible. He can't be worse than Kaepernick.

I mean, they could have beaten the Packers if he made throws. Their defense played good in that game. I thought they did a lot of nice things. Well, it's weird. Who was it, Matthews, who sacked them and said, you're no Russell Wilson? Yeah. I'd like to see every week from here forward, someone sack Kaepernick and say, hey, you're no Peyton Manning.

You're no Blaine Gabbert. When does the light of fire under his ass? What are they going to do? But you know, he came within five yards of winning the Super Bowl. They had first down and goal to go from the five. And, you know, I didn't love the play calling.

I think they had one play that they almost got to TD. I think it hit the guy's hands. Maybe that changes the destiny of his career if they win the Super Bowl. Who knows? Maybe he just realized I'm never going to get that close again. I might as well just suck. When you watch him now and you think like he's you know 26 27 whatever he is like it is incredible

that he played in the super bowl yeah um let's let's hit week five lines and we can talk about all this stuff let's do it um last week let's just say that underdogs eight five and one the unders were ten and four um everything's very close the favorites are 30 29 and two over 30 29 and four there were two pick'em games and there are four buys this week carolina miami minnesota and the jets who have sheldon richardson coming back next week and the two things like just going forward like from a big picture standpoint it really does seem like the Bengals man I'm so hesitant to believe in them because Dalton but um and the case has been made by multiple writers and people but they they can block and he doesn't get touched and there's been stat after stat after stat about how different he is when you pressure him versus when he has time.

Right. If he has, if he's going to have time all year, he's going to have a really good season and that's going to be a really good team. And it really does seem like they might have one of the best offensive lines. So that jumps out at me. Do you put them top three? Are they, I think I had Arizona ahead of them last week. You have Cincinnati ahead of, uh, yeah, they, they, they're in top five. I never want to overreact in September. Right. But if they're going to be able to block for him all year and they have a better pass rush than they had last year,

they're pretty good. They're a pretty good all-around team. So we'll have to watch that one because if that O-line stays healthy, I actually think they can sustain this. And then the other thing that just jumped out last week, and everybody talked about it on Monday, but Gurley was a beast. I mean, he really just demolished Arizona in that fourth quarter,

and it's really scary and it's built like – he's like Marshawn Lynch crossed with Adrian Peterson. We might have to recalibrate our expectations with that team because if they can play defense and run the ball, although they did lose Ogletree this week, but if they can run the ball and play defense, that's going to be a wild card team. We have to figure out which of the games this year,

there's been four weeks so far, were an enigma. You take away the Redskins blew out the Rams. They weren't even ever in that game. I'm wondering if that was a game that shouldn't count And, you know, you take away the Redskins blew out the Rams, you know. They weren't even ever in that game. I'm wondering if that was the game that shouldn't count or maybe the Redskins are good. We'll have to figure that out. But, yeah, I didn't even know what I was watching with Gurley. I watched it back.

I watched the highlights again, and I said, wow, this guy, are the holes just so far open or is he falling forward? It doesn't seem like he could ever gain less than a yard the way he carries the ball. It doesn't seem like he could ever gain less than a yard the way he carries the ball. It's spectacular. He's so physical, which is the Lynch part that he reminds me of, but the way he can be going full speed, but he's not going full speed because he can move and juke is almost like watching a point guard. It's like watching Chris Paul or something. His full speed, he's not going full speed. Right.

But what a great pick that was. I liked it when they did it. I thought it was ballsy. But they needed something offensively. That team has always been impotent. They needed, like, the one guy, and they might have the one guy. The other thing. They have the best running back in the division right now, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And the other thing that, I guess the other big storylines, the field goal kicker thing, it's just been a shadow over every week in a fun way, you know, but you just never feel safe with any kick down. And I do think those PTs have shaken the confidence of some of these guys. There's some, I think the worst kicking situations, I wrote this down. Pittsburgh, obviously, because they just waved the guy. Tampa's a disaster.

The New Orleans guy stinks. And Philly. I think those are the worst four. But, man, we're just, from a gambling standpoint, it's a roller coaster. Like, if you had the Cowboys on Sunday night, you win if the guy makes a 30-yarder and he misses it, and then the Saints get a td at overtime they cover it's terrible i just can't stand it it's like good for everybody who wanted

the extra point move back like i'm sorry you were bored but this stinks i'm watching trying to fight watch like five or six games at once and i'm seeing missed kicks like every four minutes it's insane like it's it's worse than like seeing too many flags on the field. Like you don't want the kicker to be that important. You just don't, it's like you're going to a U2 concert and getting a 40 minute drum solo at the end. You know, you want to hear Bono sing. Who, who runs the peach pit on a 90210? Oh, how dare you?

What's his name? Nat. Nat? Do you want to see three episodes featuring Nat? No. Maybe you do. Well, speak for yourself. I don't want to see three episodes featuring Nat? No. Maybe you do. Well, speak for yourself. I don't want to see it.

It's crazy. It's like, I guess there are 12, not rookie kickers, but 12 kickers who are new to their team, 17 missed extra points already versus eight all of last year. I don't want to talk about Kyle Brenza and Jason Myers on Monday. It's enough. It's also, we say, I think this would be the eighth year in a and Jason Myers on Monday. It's enough. Enough already. We say I think this would be the eighth year in a row that we've said this on the podcast.

It's incredible to me that there aren't 32 punters and 32 kickers in America. Where are the soccer players? Yeah, it doesn't seem like we have three generations now of kids playing soccer. Right. Ever since we were grown up. And every week I'm taking my daughter to these soccer games all around Southern California. There's a million kids playing. We can't find 32 kickers?

What about even the pro soccer players? Some of them make like $65,000 a year. Don't you want to take a chance here and step it up? And you could be a hero in the NFL. Then go back to playing soccer. It would be, you know, Landon Donovan, somebody tweeted at him about it and he tweeted, but what a great story that would be if Landon Donovan was like,

screw it, I'm going to try to be a field goal kicker because he would be calm because he's been in so many big soccer games and he has a good leg. Like, why not? How could it be worse? It can't be worse. It can't be worse than that guy in Tampa. That guy looks like a section eight no i just i can't stand watching it anymore it's only gonna get worse i think the other thing we should mention is uh it's october

it's the month that the nfl cares about women oh right right right great yeah yeah put the pink on we care about women it's October. It's so insulting. Yeah. Yeah. It's not good. I don't even know what to say about it anymore. But one more thing with the – how about Joe Philbin? We called that.

Not that it was a great call. We urged everyone to bet him plus 240. We, of course, did not bet Joe Philbin. Of course not. I hope he did. I hope he – I mean, I think that would be a smart thing to do for a coach who knew he was going to be fired. I'm setting up my own severance package here, you know? Right.

And put $50,000 on myself being fired first. It's so funny. We talked about it. We talked about it. I did a podcast with House on Friday. He somehow single-handedly swung me from the Jets to the Dolphins and was like, just we'll go with the Dolphins and we'll also bet on Joe Philbin.

And then we never bet on Joe Philbin. I think they fired him as he was flying over the Atlantic Ocean. That was it, yeah. They had Mr. Bean do it. I don't know. Did you watch all the games Sunday? It was 6.30 start out here in California. I actually flew from L.A. to Washington on Virgin America.

Nice. And I timed the flight, so I had the games. And I was so excited that there was a London game because my flight was at like 8 o'clock. Oh, good. And I was like, this is great. You know, I'll get this Dolphins-Jets game. And it was just the worst game.

I started thinking about auto-bling to an on-demand movie pretty soon. But then the next game, and it was the New York channels, right? On Virgin. So the next game was Giants-Bills. And they had to preempt whatever was on

whatever the other channel was. So it was just Giants-Bills. But I was like, oh, this is a great game too. I'm so excited, and the Bills were awful. Yeah. And it was still fun, but not as fun as it could have been. I turned the game on at 6.30. I was like, you know what, I'm going to sleep. I can sleep in a little bit.

And then I'm like, you know what, the thought of a game going on and me not being aware of it and watching is ludicrous. So I turned it on with no sound. I'm in bed, 6.30. The wife looks up. She goes back to sleep, and then she wakes up. She's like, oh, my God, I thought I was having a nightmare that there was football this early.

I said, no, it's a nightmare for the Dolphins, nobody else. It's great. I love it in the morning. Yesterday I flew to San Francisco, and San Andreas was the airplane movie. Nice. Have you seen that movie? I have not. Is it worth it?

I mean, my dad used to call these movies five o'clockers, or still does. Movies you'd see at five o'clock when it's still a matinee. It's not quite good enough to see it at night and pay the full money. But The Rock, his ex-wife in the movie is Carla Gugino, who I've always loved. Right. And then their daughter, who's also in peril the whole movie, is Alexandra Daddario, the girl from True Detective season one that lit up the internet, who might be the most beautiful woman on the earth.

Yes. And I didn't realize this when I started watching the movie. It was excellent. I'm ready for like seven sequels. I would get rid of The Rock and just focus on the mom and daughter. Why do you have to get rid of him? Well, he could be there. Yeah.

It's good, though, but Giamatti's in it. Paul Giamatti. He's the best. And he gives up about two scenes in and just starts doing an snl sketch of himself it's good i i recommend san andre all right we'll watch it all right let's do that let's do it the week five lines i guess the thursday night game it's cool it's uh the colson texans and now you know luck he might have a dislocated shoulder he might not they're picking up quarterbacks like there's no line on this game, right?

He's taken most of the snaps, and there is a line on it. I picked three-and-a-half Colts. You said Colts three-and-a-half. I said a pick-em. I threw my hands in the air with this whole thing, with Luck starting or not, and it's Colts by one-and-a-half. And the assumption is that he's starting. So I get that one.

Well, but when I picked the Colts three and a half, I thought Luck was playing. I didn't realize he was, like, banged up Luck. What do you mean you thought he was? He didn't play last week. I kind of cheated. You had to think. You didn't know for sure he was playing, right?

I just want to say this. I just want America to hear me. All right. It's still up in the air. Colts 0-4 against the spread. The coach should be fired just for that. I have a very important point to make. After this game, they have 10 days

off, and then they play the New England Patriots at home on a Sunday night. I think the Patriots are going to score 95 points in that game. What's the record for points in a game? I don't know. You're going to see it. You think so, huh? Yeah, you're going to see the record.

I was going to say this. I don't think there will ever be more FU points worked into a line than there will be next week. Oh, yeah. It'll be a five-point cushion. You think that's what it'll be? I can't even imagine. What an unbelievable break, though,

because you have at Dallas this week and at Indiana Sunday night next week. And, like, in July, that looked like a really tough stretch. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know all about it. And instead it's like Brandon Whedon and one-armed Andrew Luck. And then they have three games at home in a row.

If Judge Berman had any balls, this would be interesting. Oh, stop it. No, it's not the case. Why would you say that? What do you mean? I'm in a bad mood. You know it's true. What do I know is true?

You have to take that guy to lunch or something. Tom Brady's an honorable man. How dare you. Cleveland at Baltimore starts the Sunday slate. Hold on. Maybe, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to switch phones here. All right.

Let's see if... Hold on. That's how you know you've arrived. You have 14 phones in your hotel room. Good for you. Is that better? Or does that sound worse? I think worse, right?

Yeah, I think it sounds good. Sounds worse? Shit. Hold on. Yeah. Alright. That sounds better. I'm worried that this cordless phone is going to go out that's a better line Cleveland at Baltimore here we go

this is going to be a push you had 7.5 I had 7.5 right now it's 6.5 I don't like when you tell America what I picked. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead, you do it. Don't do that. Start over.

Don't make my picks for me. Go ahead. It's a tie. I always like the Ravens-Browns game. Yeah. They always feel like it should be more of a rivalry and a hatred between them than there is. But the Browns are a little frisky, just a wee bit.

I was impressed. They're down eight in that San Diego game. And McCown, who's been on 15 teams in 10 years, drove them down. They get the touchdown. They get the two-point. It was pretty good. The Chargers lost that game. They would have been in trouble this season because

you can't lose that game and make the playoffs I don't think yeah they are really in trouble they're really banged up and they're not a good they're not going to win a lot of these close games but um and Cleveland kind of screwed themselves there but let me ask you does anyone on this Ravens team scare you I think there's about four teams in the league that don't have a player that scares me, and two of them are in this game, Cleveland and Baltimore. It does seem like Torrey Smith and the Niners and the Ravens should just all be like, you know what, this was stupid.

Give us back Torrey Smith, and we'll give you a psychiatrist for Colin Kaepernick. Right. I like that. And a third-round pick. I wonder if they could do that. Does that go against the collective bargaining agreement? They should be able to do that. You'd have to sign a player as the psychiatrist on your 53-man roster and then trade him. But the Ravens should...

They could be 3-1. They could be 2-2. They could be 1-3. But they should not have won that Pittsburgh game. They don't scare me at all. And all of a sudden now they're going to be 2-3 after this Browns game if they get through the Browns. Maybe, yeah.

And then they have at San Francisco. Kaepernick at that point will be being wheeled out in the Hannibal Lecter stretcher. The two of them. Remember we played in the Super Bowl? Was that 14 years ago or 14 months ago? Remember how fun that was? Yeah.

Oh, we should talk quickly about the stupid Monday night thing when the guy batted out of bounds and then everyone – ESPN basically turned into the batted ball out of bounds channel for the next 18 hours. Yeah, it went forever. And as you said on Twitter, we've seen 45 punters do this in the last five years. Everyone does this. Why was this such a big thing now? I don't get it. I guess it's

different because the change of possession and everything, it's a bigger deal. Oh, because if it's your own ball, you can, yeah. But, let me tell you this, how many times do we see guys bat onside kicks out of bounds? And I know I guess the sideline's different from the end zone, but it seems infuriating

that a guy could just bat an onside kick out and then the kicking team doesn't and then you get, you know, the kicking team doesn't get to redo it. You know, the big winner in that whole thing was Calvin Johnson. Oh yeah. Who fumbles that like the one inch line. Right.

And then everyone spends the time talking about the batter ball. And meanwhile, that was like just a horrendous fumble. Of course. Look, I'm going to get shit for this, but I also think like some rules you have to look the other way. Like Ty goes to the great play.

I know I have to make this personal, but the Dez Bryant catch was a great catch. I don't care if you're going to extrapolate that rule that nobody understands. And same with this. You're not going to see a better defensive play than Cam Chancellor made weeks five through the end of the season. That should be what we're talking about. Now, the ball was going out of bounds. The guy could have grabbed it.

It wasn't a mad scramble for the ball. I'm sorry, Lions fans, but I would have ruled it the same way. Well, you know what, Steph? If you're going to do a website protest in that play, I have an idea for you. Go ahead. Our friends at Squarespace make it easy to build beautiful websites without breaking a sweat, regardless of skill level. No coding needed.

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He gets these things in his head, and you have to let him rant for a minute, and it's fine. So you're a good guy for doing that. We're going to keep going. What game do we have now? All right, now we have St. Louis at Green Bay. Two and two Rams, four and oh Packers. And these might be two of the four best teams in the NFC.

We don't know. They could be. It could be an NFC title preview. It could be the sucker bet of the week, too. It's a high line. So were you concerned at all that the Packers had so much trouble putting a point against the Niners? Yeah, probably, a little bit.

You know, Aaron Rodgers was my fantasy quarterback in the league. It was bugging me a bit. But they always seemed to be in control, I thought. Yeah. I mean, that's a double-digit win on the road. It's still good. I had the Packers by eight. Might be too low.

Yeah, I said nine and a half. I hit it exactly. So, I get that one. That's a lot of points, man. It is. I think a lot of people are going to jump on the Rams. The Rams are a good team. I know, but what do you – all right, so you're already behind the eight ball

because Aaron Rodgers is not going to throw an interception. He's just not at Lambeau. So, all right, so you have to make that – you have to get a turnover some other way and I'm just I don't know I think it's a 7-10 point game right in there don't you here's where I point out that the Packers are 4-0 and they've covered all four spreads right at some point that's gotta that's gotta over correct itself Yeah. Maybe a hangover game, though, for the Rams. Let down. Yeah, definitely. There's hangover potential.

There's a young team who just came off a giant win, feeling really good about themselves' potential. Through the Packers, though, they have San Diego next week and then a bye. Right. They're going to win the San Diego game. They're definitely going to win the bye week. This Rams thing, you know, if they get through this,

they're looking pretty good. They got at Denver after the bye, at Carolina. That's the tough stretch for them. I don't know. I don't have a feel for this game. I would stay away. I feel like it's a stay away. What else do we got? If it's 24-3 in the second quarter, you're like, oh yeah, that sounds right. But alright, Buffalo

at Tennessee. Music City Miracle rematch. Oh, you know, quickly on the Packers, the James Jones thing bothers me. What, that I got him for a dollar in our league? Yeah, that bothered me. The fact that

he landed on two other teams who couldn't really figure out how to use him correctly. But Rodgers, you know, James Jones can't really get that open, but he catches everything. Yeah, right. And Rodgers just puts the ball near him and he'll catch it. Like, where were the Patriots in this whole thing? Tom Brady loves to put the ball right where guys are.

James Jones would have been a great Patriot. I'm mad at Belichick. They're about the only two guys that can make that guy good. Brady and Rodgers. It's almost like in basketball, the power forward who all he's good at is just finishing alley-oops and nice passes from a great point guard.

I wish Tomady was his quarterback all right you'll be all right i think you're gonna be you'll be 14 and 2 you won't even think about james jones he'll be fine yeah buffalo tennessee um you had uh well go ahead say what you have because i had a i had the bills by three and i think i hit it exactly you did hit it exactly i had two and a half so you're gonna going to win that by a half a point. Bills by three on the road. I just think the Bills are going to be, at least for me, they're going to be the team that I'm just not going to be able to make money

off of betting for or against them. I watched that game very carefully because I was trapped on an airplane with it. I don't think Tyrod Taylor's healthy. I know he's got some weird ankle thing, but it doesn't seem like he can move around that well, or at least not as well as he's supposed to be moving around. I will say, though, I really like that Carlos Williams, the Bills running back. I think that guy's good. He's concussed now, so I don't even know if he's playing.

They're going to have a little trouble offensively. I don't know if Watkins is in and Shady McCoy. Yeah, they're banged up. They missed Watkins last week because Woods and the – I forget who the other guys, but they just weren't getting open. The penalties were the killer. I don't mind the Titans. They had a ton of penalties, the Bills.

They let the Giants, you know, Giants were letting them back in that game and holding after holding after holding call. I don't mind the Titans. They easily could have won week three against the Colts coming off a bye. They have a really interesting schedule. They have Buffalo, Miami, Atlanta

next three weeks all home. Yeah, it pays to be terrible every year. They have Buffalo, Miami, Atlanta next three weeks all home. Yeah. Yeah, it pays to be terrible every year. Then you're rewarded with a nice schedule the following season. I like the Titans. New Orleans at Philly. Is this a lose or leaves town match? What do you think?

It might be. Both one and three. They wouldn't fire Chip Kelly, right? No, I don't think so. It's too embarrassing. I have the Eagles by four. I thought Breeze looked... I know he did the game when he dropped it.

He doesn't look right. I said 5.5, and you're going to get it at 4.5. 4.5 is the actual spread. It's right in that Vegas zone we talk about. And, yeah, Bree breeze doesn't look right and it's infuriating because it became apparent very early on and throughout the game that he couldn't throw 15 yards downfield but jason garrett he can't make an adjustment but maybe maybe uh chip kelly can he's a genius he'll figure it out i have a new episode of Are We Sure He's Good nice Brandon Cook

are we sure he's good no we're not sure okay because I overpaid for him in one of my two fantasy leagues and you think like he's going to be this T.Y. Hilton type guy

I'm just not sure he is it's funny there's a ton of receivers brandon cooks and then like the four dolphins receivers that everyone keeps recycling that's supposed to be great between like parker and landry and this guy and everybody and just and you're like oh my god all these receivers have fallen off the shelf but then you look seven wide receivers average over 100 yards per game i think that's the first time that's happened this far in so well you know i'll tell you that jarvis jarvis landry i'm sure he's good he's at some point he's going to find the right quarterback in the right situation that guy's a beast cano was i i've never seen anything like what that whatever their offense was in that game.

Apparently they don't allow him to audible. So the Jets were just putting like seven, eight guys on the line, and he knew he was going to get blitzed, and they didn't have receivers that could get open other than Landry. And he would just run backwards and throw the ball off his back foot. It was the worst thing I've ever seen. Terrible. I'm starting to think with DeMarco Murray, just thinking about the

Eagles now, maybe you should never sign a free agent other than on your own team. Maybe Green Bay and New England, for the most part, have it right. Just doesn't ever seem to work out for these teams. The only time it seems to work out is... Marshawn Lynch?

Who was it? There's a few, but – Well, it seems like defenders work out more than offensive players. Right. But definitely running backs. It's just big running backs, big receivers. It's not great. Yeah. All right, Washington and Atlanta.

Two and two Redskins. Undefeated Falcons. Yeah, I had the Falcons by seven. Might be a little low. I don't mind this Washington team. It's a tiny bit low. I said seven and a half, and it is, in fact, seven and a half. And we haven't mentioned the teaser yet.

Arizona killed everyone on the teasers last week. We stayed away. We stayed away. We stayed away from that, but Baltimore looks okay maybe over Cleveland. I don't know. How many points are going to score? I'm not going near Baltimore. Did we take Atlanta? I mean, Atlanta could be the Arizona of last week. Like everyone jumps on the bandwagon,

and then they win a close one or lose to Washington. I'm not sure. Well, we haven't gotten to the Giants game yet, but the Giants are going to be in every bet I make this week. Right. They're good. Washington, at New Orleans, at Tennessee, and at San Francisco. It's three road games, but they could be 8-0.

There's two weeks left to bet against Kaepernick. That's it? We're running out? bet against Kaepernick. That's it? We're running out? Sorry, Kaepernick. We're giving our two weeks notice for Colin Kaepernick backers. This is a rare situation. It's like Joe Philbin where House talked me out of it, but sometimes you can see the fumes emanating off the body. Yeah.

And you've got to take advantage as a gambler. All right. Well, that's a stand-away teaser-wise, we're saying. You're dying to talk about that Giant game. We'll get to it. Well, wait a second, though. Yeah. I think the Falcons are...

It's funny. They had no respect last week in the line against the Texans. That went way down. It went down like a point before game time. Down to five, five and a half? Right. Now they're getting a lot of respect, but Washington, good offensive line,

pretty good defense, couple guys who can make plays, that can run the ball. I would be afraid that, I'm probably going to pick the Falcons, but I'd be afraid to tease them. Yeah, that's a tough one. Washington gets beat long.

That's the only thing I'll say. Some of those Eagles receivers were open, and then they did connect. Bradford did. But that's the only thing. Julio Jones didn't have a great game, even though they destroyed Houston last week. So maybe they step up. Devonta Freeman, best running back in fantasy, went for a dollar in our league. I think, does he have seven touchdowns?

Like, that's why fantasy is the stupidest thing we do. It's idiotic. And, like, the day before, there was some story that Tevin Coleman was going to get most of the carries, and Devonta Freeman's price dropped $20. There might have been some guy making it up. Now, is it Devontae Freeman?

It's Devontae Adams, but Devontae Freeman, right? If you roll it right into the last name, it doesn't really matter, but it's just a little too tall. Devontae Iacono. That's it. We bet on the Falcons to win the NFC South at plus 190, and they're 4-0, and we should be feeling fantastic. And somehow Carolina's 4-0.

Yeah, I think 4 won the division last year. 4-11-1 won the division or something. I know. I don't know if Carolina's got any pace. Let's do that game next. Carolina's 4-0 to beat the Jaguars, Texans, the Saints, and the Bucs. I'd like to wish them a hearty congratulations for those four tough wins. They're off this week.

What do you mean? Oh, yeah, they have a bye. Yeah, they're a bye. We'll do them next week. I promise. They have at Seattle next week. Yeah, yeah. Seattle, that's the one we'll do.

Seattle and Cincinnati. Great game. It's game of the week. Yeah. Seattle, that's the one we'll do. Seattle and Cincinnati. Great game. It's game of the week. You know, we did this last year with Seattle. We wrote them off, and they caught fire, and they got momentum. Right. Their offensive line isn't as good, and it was really hard for them to move the ball in that Lions game.

It just should not have been that hard to move the ball against the Lions. And I don't know how fixable that is. What did you take away from that? I thought Russell Wilson's very nifty back there. He's almost a magician-like. But the Lions defense got him to fumble twice. And now you have, you know, now you have Geno Atkins and Dunlop. They have like three sacks each.

It's going to be bad for Russell Wilson, I think. But they haven't given up any offensive touchdowns in two games. First sellout in Cincinnati since 2012. I'm so tired of counting them out. I'm so tired of counting them out. I'm so tired of counting them out. And then, you know, they win 20-0 in Cincinnati and Andy Dalton has five turnovers. I can totally see that happening. Right.

On the other hand, you could make a case. Like, this could be one of those magical, awesome crowd, Bengals finally arrive as a Super Bowl contender type of game. Right. Yeah. I like the Bengals. I'm going to pick them this week. West team going east on a short week.

That's what we usually like. You said, I said by three Cincinnati would be favored. You said, what, one and a half? I said one and a half. It is three right now. Yeah. So I get that one. What is it?

It's three. Cincinnati minus three. Oh. I get that one. What is it? It's three. Cincinnati minus three. Oh. Do we tease the plus nine? What do we do? That's the only thing. Should be close. No.

No? I think I'm going to bet the Bengals. All right. All right. Chicago at Kansas City. All right. So what do we make of Kansas City? Because they might have lost. I'm going to find their schedule.

So they lose to the Broncos, the Packers, and the Bengals. Their losses are to 12-0 teams, right? Those might be three of the best four teams in the league. Yeah, I see. And they lost to all of them consecutively, and I don't want to write them off yet. I just don't see their defenses in those last three games. And they have a pass rush, and they've allowed 35 points a game.

It seems insane to me. And Alex Smith has been sacked like 18 times this year. I don't know what to think. I mean, this will be a win for them, I'm pretty sure. But Chicago will score points Jay Cutler's a man that's got a lot of courage he does keeps rallying back

I had the Chiefs by 8 I had 7 you're going to get it because it's 9 and then if I trusted the Chiefs 38% more that seems like a logical tease yeah but I don't

Jacksonville or Tampa Bay this ends the early games last year we did our talk with who's eliminated who we think is out of the playoffs right now do we want to do that? are either or both of these teams out? Are we sure we can rule out an AFC South team yet?

No, I think just Tampa. Yeah, Tampa's out. I think Tampa's out. I think the Niners are out. Yeah. Even though no one's like 4-0 in that division, I think the Niners are out. Yeah. Even though no one's like 4-0 in that division, I think the Niners are out. Who else would you say? Cleveland?

I think the Lions are out. Cleveland and the Lions. Yeah. And did we miss anybody? Cleveland has a win, though, right? Aren't they 1-3? Who's that? Cleveland?

Yeah, Cleveland's probably out. I'm sorry, Cleveland. Yeah. Those four teams, I would say. Yeah. All right, what's the next game? Jacksonville, Tampa Bay. Both one and three.

I have the Bucs by three and a half, and I'm not surprised at all by all these Jameis Winston turnovers that lead to teams scoring. I mean, it was so inevitable how his first season was going to go. Yeah. I think you missed on this line, and this is Football 101, Gam went picking lines. Tampa minus three, and that's what it is.

So I get that one. Tampa minus three. Yep. Just enough to make you think. I agree with that. Two and a half, you're taking tap, but three and a half, you're throwing Jacksonville on something. Right?

All right, before we do the late games, I have one more for you. Go ahead. How should I manage my money? Whether you're a multi-million dollar investor just starting out, the answer is Betterment. Five years ago, Betterment created the first automated investing service to help make it easier and less expensive to make better financial decisions, from building wealth to staying on track for retirement. Betterment's smarter technology provides personalized investment advice based on your financial goals, then builds and automatically manages a customized portfolio for each goal. With automation, rebalancing, deposits, and tax-efficient investing, Betterment helps save you time and money and gives you peace of mind for a fraction of the cost of traditional investment services. It's easy to start investing by linking your bank account or rolling over your 401k or IRA. Betterment is already managing billions of

dollars for more than 100,000 customers. Don't you want to be a smarter investor, Sal? I do. Sign up today on your computer or smartphone. Get up to six months of free automated investing. Get the offers in full terms and conditions at Betterment.com. Betterment. Investing made better. And speaking of investing, we've done pretty well in this NFL season.

I mean, it's like losing that tease with the Hawks, I was surprised. I was really confident. It really felt like I had the league figured out. It hurt my feelings. I know. Yeah, that was stupid. That was another one. It just seemed like they couldn't.

It was like 13-3. It was over. Right. And we can go right to it. Arizona at Detroit. That Detroit team. Demoralized. Let me just say one more thing

about the camp chancellor thing because I know everyone's going to say rules are rules and you have to stick by them but let's say in the Patriots Cowboys game this week Brady throws to Edelman and Claiborne tackles Edelman but the ball is overthrown

by 35 yards what are they going to do there what do they do I don't know but the ball is overthrown by 35 yards. What are they going to do there? What do they do? I don't know. They pick up the flag. They call it uncatchable. Actually, the Patriots probably get the call because they get every call,

but the point is the refs are able to pick up a flag and say, that was uncatchable. So when this K.J. Wright is going after the ball, they say, hey, that was unattainable by any lion who wasn't even thinking of getting the ball to play. You could do that. You could fudge the rules. All right. I'm back.

I've given up with all officiating. I just feel like we're just never going to figure it out. It's never going to totally work. Even yesterday, that Yankees-Astros game, the home plate umpireire of the first three innings really kind of destroyed the game and that hit the Yankees but it just sent the momentum going in such a bad place yeah I know

and that poor Jerry what's his name that came on with Ray Lewis he looked terrified of Ray Lewis did you watch him who's the official there how can he not be terrified of Ray Lewis he Did you watch him? Who's the official there? Well, I mean, how can you not be terrified of Ray Lewis? He wandered out of an old age home. And what did they do?

He ended up on the sidelines somehow. Yeah. I can't blame him. We have all these Pirates World Series bets. And they're in the wild card game against Jake Arrieta. And they're in the Yankee game yesterday. They just kept flashing that Jake Arrieta has only given up, like, one run in the last two months.

And I don't know what to do now. I don't know what the solution is, but I thought, like, the two wild card thing and let them play for one game. It's like, oh, okay, that makes sense. That's great. These guys didn't win the division, so it should be one game, and they should have to reconfigure their rotation and you know accordingly and that'll screw up the rest of the series and that's how they're at a disadvantage but it doesn't seem fair what the pirates have

98 wins and now the yeah the cubs had so far a lead with their second place wild card that they could stack their rotation so ariana could didn't have to go until this game. It really just doesn't seem fair. That's not how it's supposed to work. Cole is really good, though. I still feel semi-confident about this part. Not that good. The last couple months, not as great.

All right, Arizona at Detroit. Yeah, but he's a good pitcher, though. It's not like he's a schmuck. No, it'll be good. It'll be a good game. Arizona at Detroit. I, but he's a good pitcher, though. It's not like he's a schmuck. No, it'll be good. It'll be a good game. Arizona at Detroit. I said plus four here. I said Arizona would be favored by four.

Oh, yeah. I have Arizona by two and a half. And you're going to get it because it's three. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it's just. What's the score right now between us? Yeah.

It's right now it is one, three four five six and one two three uh six to five it's five to four with one tie i'm winning it's gonna be close all right i don't know about that you know oh and four they're probably not gonna do anything anyway but that was a demoralizing loss it doesn't seem like they rebound physical team you're. I also think the Cardinals are good and the Rams just played really well. Palmer missed one throw that he shouldn't have missed

late. That if he connects with the guy they probably win the game by one. Late start too. Denver at Oakland. I had the most trouble with this line out of anything because we always used to joke about Peyton Manning's noodle arm, but that thing is now like a freaking free linguine arm.

It is. Some of his passes in that Vikings game were just atrocious. And once they had that lead, the game should have been over. Once they were up 10-0, that should have been it. And he got them back. I don't know what to make of the Broncos anymore. I had Broncos 5-1. I put in the Vegas zone.

You had so much trouble with this that you cheated and just looked at the line because it is 5-1. You got it. I said 6. So you're going to get that exactly. I put Vegas zone. You're right though. It's all those years like Manning would have died to have a defense like this with the Colts

and all the early years of Denver. And now they're going to lose. They're not going to make it to the Super Bowl because of him. It really doesn't – really is weird. But they are 7-0 against the spread in road games versus division. So, before you take the points, consider that. This is a super, super winnable game for the Raiders. Yeah.

I just hate – it's just so hard betting against Denver in the division. And now we come to our game for the Raiders. Yeah. It's just so hard betting against Denver in the division. And now we come to our game. Oh, go ahead. Yeah, I was going to say, you know what's not a super winnable game? It's Patriots or Cowboys. All right, good. Get good and confident.

Let's see. I'm very confident. I can't be more confident. Got Hardy and McClain coming back. They're going to make a statement here. What do you have? I have Pats by nine, but who's making a statement? Oh, we got Hardy coming back.

We have McClain. We got a lot going on. Better watch out, Tom Brady. It's not going to be a walk in the park. You had nine. I had eight. It shot up to ten. It was seven Monday morning.

Now it is ten points. You love that on a two-team teaser. Well, the problem is if the Pats are up 24-14 in the second half and Whedon has to start throwing the ball, I'll take it. That's trouble.

If the Cowboys are up 14-0 and Whedon has to hand off the ball, it's trouble. Can I defend Brandon Whedon for one second? Sure, go ahead. He throws a nice deep ball. He does? When do you see it? We saw it once. He threw one in that Saints game that was pretty far down the field. It had a nice little spiral to it. I was impressed. You know, they were picking on that cornerback, Bro,

who was covering Terrence Williams, and like ten times in a row it was unsuccessful. I said, at what point is it picking on the guy? You know, enough already. And then he connected with Terrence Williams on a diving catch. That was a nice catch. Not looking forward to this. Can I just say we joke around a lot, but can I give a shout-out to my friend Darren who's had some tough times the last couple of days?

Buddy Darren, you met him from New York. Let me take you through his last 48 hours. He's as big, if not a bigger Cowboys fan than me. He had to suffer through that nonsense Sunday night. Then Monday, his fantasy team is up two, and Russell Wilson running out the clock on third and two throws a 50-yard pass. He loses that

and he's a giant. I'm sorry. He's a Yankees fan and they lost yesterday. It's been a tough time. He's got a cocaine problem too, so I don't want him to, you know, we don't want him to fall off the wagon again. So we're thinking of him there. Alright, so we go to Sunday night? Yeah, I know. It's sad. San Francisco Giants. So we go to Sunday night. Yeah. No, it's sad.

San Francisco Giants. There you go. This is the one your favorite game. Yeah. I had Giants by eight.

Might be low. Giants by eight is high, but you get it. I said five and a half. It's seven. And there you go.

There's who you tease. I see a lot of Chris Collinsworth going. I just, I of Chris Collinsworth going, I just think Colin Kaepernick's in his own head right now, Al. He's in his own head. Give me a lot of that.

Chris Collinsworth, I love him, but I'm not sure he understands the pick plays as well as he – for someone who talks about it so much, I can see one play and I see what seems like exactly the same place. Like, Oh, come on, they got to call that.

And then he's, you know, he's congratulating them to play before. One thing's for sure. You need to find out how to do the pick plays and not get called for it. Cause all the good teams do it. Arizona, the Packers,

the Patriots, all they all do it. They get away with it. The saints did it. That's one thing you should, if you're an offensive coordinator, figure that out. Michaels and Collinsworth are by far the best broadcasting team. And I like Lynch and Burkhart second most.

The guy that's really flipped, and it's just bizarre to me because I used to think he was actually pretty good 10 years ago, but Phil Simms just says nothing now. Wow. You think so? Like, I just don't learn anything about the game from him. It's a lot of like, ah, big play here, big third down here for them. I just keep waiting for him to tell me anything.

I don't know. Like, Collinsworth, you watch the game, and a play happens. He's like, ah, watch the left guard here. He just misses a lot. You know what I mean? He's's like, watch the left guard here. He's just missing the play. You know what I mean? He's like calling stuff out. Do you think what happens maybe is because Phil Simms is the voice of Madden 2K16. Is that what it's called for the football?

Yeah. 2K16. And they get all these cliche-like voice, these drops, these sound bites. Right. Maybe they just run over and over in your head. You're like a radio DJ. You're just saying the time and the traffic over and over, and it ends up being nothing.

Big day, big down, huge play. That's a killer. It's like karaoke. I get a little more of the Sims because I watch Inside the NFL. I know you gave up on it. Oh, yeah, I could have. The other thing that's amazing to me is how protective they are of quarterback. All they got, like Gruden, Sims, Aikman, all these guys.

It's excuses left and right. And the way they announce these Peyton Manning games, like he's still Peyton Manning. Right. And as we talked about last week, I really admire the way Peyton Manning has been able to play because he's old and he can't throw anymore. And he's still just so freaking smart.

He's making it work. But for them to not acknowledge the elephant in the room in these Peyton Manning games. It's crazy to watch. It's like watching a game with two people who just aren't watching the same game. Yeah, you're right. And you know what's funny with those guys? He's like, oh, great play by the linebacker jumping that route. It's like, yeah, he jumped the route because the ball was in the air for 17 seconds.

Yeah, they'll do that. But also they get it both ways because the Aikmans and the Sims, they praise the quarterbacks left and right, but then it's like, oh, back in my day, they never would have called that. That wouldn't have been a penalty. They protect the quarterback so much these days. I think Burkhart and Lynch are really good. I really like those guys.

Yeah, I don't mind them. And Lynch is so disgusted by the way they call games now. I enjoy that part of him. He's just like, oh, my. You know, any, like, borderline unnecessary roughness or any of that stuff, because back in his day, he just would lay people out left and right. I love it. Yeah, they're good.

Well, I'm throwing the Giants in every tease I have for the next 10 years. I know, but who with? Where do we go? We have to go look at college games? If you don't like Atlanta, I guess Green Bay could be a way to go. It's a little too high. You don't want to do Baltimore. You don't know what you're getting there.

The Chiefs, a little high. I guess your Patriots are not losing. Yeah, that pass is not losing. It's a one-score game, a little high. I guess your Patriots are not losing. Yeah, that pass is not losing. It's a one-score game, no way. One thing we could do, because we have Chiefs-Giants, and it would be over quickly, is if we did Chiefs-Giants and Chiefs games first, so if Andy murders us in that game,

we could still bet the Giants after. That's true. Straight up, you mean. And it'd be fun. We could text each other for three hours about how we can't believe we teased Andy Reid. That'd be fun. I always enjoy losing money on Andy Reid. That is fun.

That's true. It's so stupid. It's good comic value. Well, there's no one that... It's like, oh, betting on him or teasing him. It's the same thing as when I'm out and I had a few drinks and somebody had cigarettes. I'm like, yeah, I have cigarettes.

What could go wrong? And then the next day I wake up and I'm coughing for three hours. That's what Andy Reid is like. And it's built in now, that last shot. I think we're seeing the same shot from 2011 of Andy Reid in the last minute of a game. The perplexed look, same that Jason Garrett has, as if the guy from Catch a Predator just entered your house.

You don't even know how to react. You're so out there. You told me the Denny's venue. If I were them, I would start Chase Daniel because I just don't think it's going to happen without Smith. I think we all know. It's just not going to happen. You're not winning the Super Bowl without Smith,

so what's the point of playing him? At least he would chase Daniel. I always liked Chase Daniel. I like his arm. Yeah, he throws the deep ball, which doesn't seem to be allowed in the Kansas City Chiefs offense. All right, let's do Monday night. We got Pittsburgh at San Diego.

I don't know what to make of this. Two sloppy coach teams. This feels like this will be some sort of sloppy play that leads to some sort of sloppy cover for somebody, and I don't know who. I had the Chargers by three and a half. You nailed it exactly. I went a little lower.

I said one and a half. It is three and a half. And, yeah, both teams should be a good deal better than they are. I mean, at least Pittsburgh has an excuse with Roethlisberger. But I don't trust them. So who won? Oh, I'm sorry. You won.

If I don't mention it, you won. Let's just say that. Oh, okay. Nine to eight to five to one, and you take a three to two lead after five weeks. Yeah, I wanted to mention, we did really well with downloads and iTunes and all that stuff, so I wanted to thank everybody for spreading the word for us. Top four? What was it? We had the four most downloaded podcast on iTunes all

at the same time. We had one, two, three, and four and everybody else was just placed them below, which was exciting. Top four is nice, but I think we could step it up and do a little better. Well, the iTunes people are very, very nice to us and they promoted us on the iTunes podcast page. So thanks to them. Excellent. Uh, and thanks to everybody, and they promoted us on the iTunes podcast page, so thanks to them. Excellent. And thanks to everybody for spreading the word. That was awesome. And to reward you for spreading the word for us and helping us out with all that stuff.

I have a hockey bet that I'm giving to America. Oh, that's right. Yeah, a hockey bet. I saw this email as I was driving over to here. What is this? Well, from the producers of the movie of the 2015 Stanley Cup Finals matchup bet, which we won, Lightning Blackhawk. Oh, yeah.

We had that one last year. Yep. So whenever we do these future bets i always i like to get value right you know it's it's not necessarily you're not saying this team's going to win the win the title or the or the conference title whatever you're just saying those odds are wrong those odds should be different that's what you're betting on so columbus oh no columbus is plus 1200 on. So Columbus Oh no. Columbus is plus 1,200 to win the

East. And the other teams like Tampa and the Rangers and Montreal, they're all way lower. I think Columbus is as good as anyone in the East. I like the 12-1. Sal, we're in for 12-1. Let's do that. Alright, we'll do that. But I just think it's a slap in the face. This like the 12-1. Sal, we're in for 12-1. Let's do that. All right, we'll do that, but I just

think it's a slap in the face. This is how you're thanking the subscribers for listening? You're going to tell them to bet the Blue Jackets? We're going to fall to 40th place. We're not going to rank on iTunes this week now. Hey, listen, I try to give back. All right, that's good.

And then, what was the other thing we had to mention? Oh, do your Jimmy Kimmel Live plug. Oh, yeah, Jimmy Kimmel Live, you catch it tonight. Keanu Reeves, you remember him, right? I love Keanu. Hurry back, Bill, you can meet him. He'll be on, Guillermo del Toro, music from Thomas Rhett.

Later in the week, your HBO BFF, Lena Dunham is on, and Darby Stanfield, and Don Henley, lots, lots more. You can catch me at atdcousinsal on Twitter, and on ESPN Thursday night, Friday morning, two and one the last three weeks. I hit my best bet three out of four weeks. I had the Vikings plus six and a half, so watch me there. Nice, and you can check out this podcast. You can subscribe on itunes or you can go to billsimmonspodcast.com and you can get uh all the links as they go up we're going to go to a more

traditional schedule starting next week we have podcasts coming up on thursday and friday this week and then next week when are we going to do ours are we going to do it on mondays or tuesdays monday tuesday let's do? I think Monday. I know people complain and say you have to talk about the Tuesday game, but doesn't it seem like everything we talk about has already been discussed if we do it Tuesday? Yeah, I always

like the Mondays. Yeah. We'll talk off air. Next week we'll go to a Monday schedule. We'll let the Columbus Blue Jackets decide. We'll let the players vote on it. Just don't ask me to name more than five Blue Jackets. Five?

You got it. I can get to five and that's it. All right. Because, as always, good job by you. All right. Good job by you, Belly. And before we go, this episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Even if you know nothing about coding, you can start building a beautiful website today at squarespace.com.

Enter offer code BS at checkout to get 10% off. Squarespace, build it beautiful. And thanks also to Betterment for sponsoring today's episode. It's the first automated investing service. Betterment has revolutionized investing and made it easier and less expensive. To be a smarter investor, get personalized advice, invest in management for a fraction of the cost of traditional services. Sign up today.

Get six months of free automated investing, full terms and conditions at Betterment.com. Slash BS. Betterment. Invest and made better. Thanks. Sorry for the weird phone situation. We will fix that tomorrow.

We'll be back in the studio. It'll be great. Until then.