The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Week 1, Plus Favorite NFL Futures With Cousin Sal

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to Guess the Lines for Week 1 before having their NFL futures draft. (0:00) Intro (1:08) Guess the Lines Week 1 (55:33) NFL futures draft Host: Bill Simmons Guest: Cousin Sal Producers: Chia Hao Tat, Eduardo Ocampo, and Chris Wohlers Enter for a chance to win superior soccer, basketball, and golf prizes at https://michelobultra.com/SuperiorAccess The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit https://fanduel.com/playwithaplan to learn more about the resources and helplines Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Game problem called 1-800 gamble. our call 888-7-7-7-7 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut. We're back, baby. Year 20, guest aligns. I'm Bill Simmons. That's cousin, Sal. Yeah. Just wanted to mention four podcasts from me this week.

We got Sunday night right now, live on Netflix. Got I'm going to do something Tuesday morning. And then Wednesday, Thursday, I'm going to be live after both games. So a big four spot. And then you're going to be on the ringer. gambling show now called Ringar Wise Guys. We'll be live on Twitch. We have a whole plan for the big Friday weekend show.

The games are starting. Do you like this Wednesday, Thursday thing? Three days. I kind of do. I like it. Three days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we waited long enough. Eight months of soccer and horseshit basketball. No offense. We're good. We're good. Yeah, man. Three days. Very excited.

And this is an emergency podcast because Roger Goodell got extended, right? That's what this is. Right. He got extended over Christian Gonzalez. I have no idea if I'm not on my cornerback. for the Seattle game. So, and then we have our fantasy draft on on Tuesday, too. So we got that, we got games Wednesday night,

game Thursday night, all kinds of stuff to talk about. We have an action-packed plan for this, by the way. We're going to get the lines first. And then afterwards, we're going to have our annual futures draft, which we usually do closer to the AFC-NFC thing, but the season, I can't remember it ever started this late. I know there are reasons for that with the calendar. But we're going to get to the lines first.

powers that be. Don't ever start it this late again. Like we're, we're ready in July. All our research is done, we have. I really felt ready this week. Like, I was ready to get going, but I know with the Labor Day. I was watching college football. I watched college football all day yesterday. UCLA 1 and 0, uh, dramatic, uh, pulled away from Cal in the second half at Cal. That was fun. The Michigan game. Before we did against the Lions, what was your take on the Michigan game and did you lose money? No, I didn't lose money, but I just, you know, my take is, is, okay, a couple things. One,

Hal Mary should never be completed. Like, it should be like one in a hundred, not one in 10. So play some F in defense. That's my big takeaway. Secondly, can we get the stadium clock with the official clock to sync up? Like you and I,

if we put our iPhones on a desk, it's going to go to eight o'clock at the exact same time, even though if you're AT&T and on Verizon or you got your phone wherever and I got my, why can't we get that to sync up? And then all this nonsense goes away. And Michigan's not that good is the other takeaway, right? Like Western Michigan really took it to them because that's one of the tough games

that in UCLA schedule is they have to go to Michigan. And then after you watch that yesterday, it's like, ah, they're feeling less scared of that one. Oh, Michigan people going crazy. Yeah, we did it. Take that. Screw you. And the ones. I was like, hey, you have six losses on your schedule.

A and B, you really lost that game because you stormed the field after beating Western F in Michigan. Right. That's a loss. Sorry. I also felt like we watch a lot of these. That was one of the only times I've seen them be like, oh, no, actually there's a split second left.

One more play. Usually when that's anywhere near zero, the game's over. Everybody walks on the field, all that stuff. All right. We're doing Guest Alliance first. So background, if you've never watched this before, because we are doing this on Netflix this year.

We guessed the lines. We send them to each other. Neither of them look. I try to be surprised. You look after I send the lines. And we have done this now for 20 years. And it started back when we were working together, Jimmy Kim alive. You were doing it on your own with Parlay Kid.

We would sit in an office. We had desks right next to each other. And you'd get a USA Today on a Monday. USA Today. That's a newspaper. Yeah, explain to people what that is. So USA Today was a newspaper that back of the day, people would read a newspaper instead of going online. And you would read the lines that I would guess and we'd go back.

And then when I stopped working at Jimmy Kim alive, you just started calling me on. Sunday night, we started doing it, and then we started doing it one side of podcast. This is year 20. It's an actual anniversary. It's really excited. There's a lot of pride involved, even though we really, anyone could cheat at any time because every line is available from now until January. So, but we really do our best. I don't know. We avoid like seven months worth of people cheating on our behalf. Yeah, I mean, people don't believe us. Like, we're on gambling threads where, you know, somebody will bring up some and we'll just like, hey, hey, get that.

off here. Like we really want to wait. I did see the Pat Seattle line early. It was mistakenly. It was on a Pat's thing. So I had told you that ahead of time. So we're just going to call that a draw. I have not seen any other lines until this weekend after I sent you my picks. Because, you know, I wanted to start thinking about them. And so I looked at some of them for teaser potentials. But I'm going to pretend to be surprised for most of these. And year 20, I think I'm 15, 3. and won or something over the 19 years.

That you've lost? I don't know, probably something like that. Who won last year? I don't remember. Isn't that bad? Like, we don't even have any stakes, anything. I'm talking about all this pride, and I can't remember. We may have even tied. I think you won. No, you won.

I think I won. It's like in wrestling when we just have these title matches, but it just ends up being a countout, like they would do it in the 70s and 80s. It's like, because it's been counted out. I keep beating you by countout. I can't take the strap off. Right. You can't take it. A couple things for week one, just to remember, and we'll talk about this all week on our shows,

but the week one, divisional home underdogs, usually you want to grab those, and we'll see if we have any coming up. Just in general, underdogs over basically a touchdown or more, pretty favorable. I don't want to read all the percentages and records because nobody wants that, but it's just two things to keep in mind. It feels like every year, two or three of those, two or three of those get you. And in general, the underdogs, it's a little shaded. It's like, what is it, like 55% the century or something like that.

And it's a bummer too because the seven plus point underdogs are the teams we hated when we did the over under win totals, right? Like, yeah, I don't like the Browns. I'm not taking the card, you know, but yeah, no, they do cover. They'll necessarily win. And the big thing we're going to be looking, whoa, a bunch of things. First of all, there's some great matchups. Yeah. But there's also, we bookmarked this last year.

the game that ends up meaning the exact opposite of what it seemed like after week one. And last year was Raiders Pats. The Raiders won in New England. And it just seemed like, oh, the peak arrow. Oh, my God. And then, oh, the Pats, same old Pats. Maybe it wasn't Mayo's fault. And then by week 10, it seemed like the most ridiculous result of the season.

So we're going to try to figure that out as we guess lines first. I had a couple of mailback questions really quick before we go. And this is a really important one. Barkley brought this up on my podcast from Kyle Rector. Is Jerry Jones still with us? How many years has he owned the Cowboys and we haven't heard a peep? Interesting. So Barclay's theory is he actually likes his team this year and he scaled back.

You're talking about San Juan, right? Charles Barkley. Okay. All right. Jones is like, I actually like what we did. I'm not going to be a problem this year. Have we heard from him? You follow the Cowboys much more closer than I do.

Has he had a press conference? Where is he? What's happening with him? He's not doing as many. He would do these weekly interviews on the local Dallas stations, not really doing those. Parlay that with the fact that, you know, last August, I think it was really right about this time of a year.

We're in September. But he, yeah, he went behind Michael Parsons, agents back and tried to talk, right? Then he went to the mother or the family. like it was always involved. I think you're right. And whichever Barker, what you're talking about, I think he's right too.

Well, the thing is, we always used to have a joke in mid-August that Jerry just would make a decision. Like, I'm going to lead first take for three straight days. So I'm going to do something. I'm either going to decide. I'm not giving me an extension to somebody.

I'm obviously giving an extension to or I'm going to get into it with somebody. He just didn't do it this year. Kyle Rector actually said, someone get Pablo Torres to get to the bottom of this. That was funny. He added it as. Pablo Torre, big week for him.

But Pablo Tori, that could be a good podcast. If Jerry, we don't hear from Jerry by week four. I almost feel like that's an emergency episode of Pablo's pod. Where did this guy go? I like that. Listen, whatever takes Pablo's attention away from the two of us, I think is a good thing. That'd be great. Yeah.

Pablo, I mean, this is this Clippers thing, I still can't believe it. Not only was Pablo right, but on top of it, the Clippers, I can't even tell you the text threads I'm on. I talked about a little of my pot on Thursday, but the fans are outraged. Yeah. Everyone's like, get, get us out of this. It's like being at a restaurant where they tell you you had a reservation for 730 and they're like, sorry, we're not going to be able to see you to 830. And you're just like, just give me my car. What out? Get me out of this. That's every quipper fan. Pablo should be the interim owner, I think, of the team. I think that should be his prize for cracking this store. That's a good idea. Making like the front office guy,

and Sammy Copp up, man, I would go for that. It's so funny. You and I in House were talking about Deshawn Watson has any player in the four major sports crippled their franchise for as long as DeShan Watson has. That contract, that trade, whatever it is. They would suck anyway. They would probably screw it up.

Yeah, and now it's cool. Now they're one too. You could pick whoever wants, one. The only other mailbag I just wanted to throw at you because I was like when people call us out together. Leo from Pembroke Mass called us the nickname ours. And he said, I'm going to throw a literal dart against the Simmons and Sal

nickname board and see if it sticks. Jackson Dart, as we know, is a reckless idiot daredevil, much like evil-knievel. But he might be, as the kids say, and Sal might say, mid. I give you mid-evil can-con-eval. Oh, nice. It says the Jackson Dart nickname. Mid-evil Cineveal. It's a thinker. Can I, can we do it? What's this guy's name? You can workshop it. It's Leo from Pembroke-Mass. You can workshop it. I don't want to do anything. Right away. Yeah.

Yes, because we play the Giants in six days in seven days. So I'm, I'm going to go medieval. Yeah, it throws for four touchdowns. Good point. All right. Guess the lines. We make guesses, whoever comes closest wins, year 20, Wednesday night. Seahawks, Patriots.

It is in Seattle. The Super Bowl champs are eight four and three against the spread in the kickoff game. I have no idea if my starting all. pro quarterback is going to be playing in this game. It's just the weirdest thing I've ever watched. Like Witherspoon got this giant extension. I think he has the same agent as Gonzalez. It's an argument who's better,

Witherspoon or Gonzalez. You can make a case either way. But they're both young, same draft. Equally, really, really, really good elite cornerbacks. Seattle immediately paid their guy. New England has not paid their guy and I have no idea if he's going to play. With all that said, Sal, I'm going to, I, we tied on this already,

but it's Seattle three and a half. I would have guessed, if I hadn't seen the line, probably a whiff higher, I probably would have said four. Did you think three and a half? I think I would have said four too. It's weird. It's exactly the same as the Super Bowl, or at least what it opened that.

But, yeah, why couldn't people go eight months without sending you the line? Isn't anything sacred? I saw it on Patriots Twitter. I saw one of the guys I followed talked about it. I just couldn't avoid it because he did the thing you just did about. It's the exact same line as the Super Bowl.

Yeah, right, right. So I try to get amnesia if I see any number, but I couldn't avoid it on that one. Yeah, that's a tough one to forget, but I almost forget immediately. Did you say 8-4-1? I wrote that the defending champ is 17 and 4 as a designated home team in the last 21.

I guess that's before they started doing this Thursday game. Yeah, I had the kick-off game. Kick-off game. I think that's a little different than, because sometimes I would have this on Sunday. I'm pumped for this one. I will say this. I think the Pats are a live dog in this one.

I'm not saying this is Pat's Van Bill. Like, Seattle has some secondary stuff going on. they have, Charbonnese is not, you know, not going to be there yet. They're basically riding this rookie running back

and the Pats have eight months to think about this game and revenge. And I don't know. I just, I love the Seahawks. I like they're over as we talked about

or we're going to talk about them more in the futures thing. But I like catching them here instead of week 12, I guess would be my point. I like getting that that's fair.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like they don't have their stuff settled. They thought the safety they took him the second round was going to actually really play for them.

He's out for the year. He broke his ankle. I think the cornerback stuff's a little shaky with them. So it's a nice spot for the pets. Devil's advocate. Drake may be because there isn't as much time in between the Super Bowl and, you know, game one is going to be a little scared again when he sees that defense. Going to get that thing where he drops the ball as soon as he gets it.

I feel like you just root against Drake May now. That was so much fun. I never have rooted against any of your quarterbacks. You should try it. It's fun. Thursday night. The Rams are playing the 49ers and it's in Australia. and both teams have done different travel plans for this.

You guys talked about it a little on Ringer Wise guys on Friday. This has become the most fascinating strategy thing. I can't believe how different the two things is. And it's one game. Whoever wins, that will just now become the strategy for the rest of mankind. The Rams have decided to fly in 24 hours before the game and then just get the fuck out right after. And the 49ers are going to get there.

they're going to try to acclimate. I've asked around. I don't know if you've asked around, but anyone I know who's done this flight thinks this is insane by the Rams, like actually abjectly insane. What's your take? My take is I want to write down every week,

the big, big three narratives of the week. And if you bet accordingly, how do you do? I bet you don't do as well. And this narrative is, like you said, the Rams are getting here too late. It's a little bit of an arrogant move by the Rams. And for the four-niners, it was easy. Let's take it.

let's fly as far away from that cancer box as early as we can on the practice field. But yeah, I think you need that flight. This is not like a three-hour flight. Like, you know, this is like from Philly to Miami or something. This is going to, I mean, you're going to want to stare at the toilet moving backwards for three days before you want to practice. Like, there's a lot of good stuff to look at. What's the furthest you've flown?

Probably Hawaii. Is it Hawaii? No, we, we, we, you've gone to Europe. up. What was that? 11 hours? That's right. Yeah. I just don't, 24 hours, and I can't really sleep on planes to begin with, and I feel like I would lose my mind.

I heard Palliserra was talking about this on The Ringer NFL show because he's got to go. He's going for Netflix. Yep. And it was an interesting, like watching strategy for this where some people think, don't watch movies, because movies have to start and finish and the movie ends.

You're like, oh, my God, I still have 20 hours. Like watch TV shows. shows. It's more addictive. So watch a show where you have to be like, ah, I got to fin it and try to just go on like an eight episode binge. My point is like this is

the guy, it's so long. You have to think about shit like this. And I just, I don't understand. I think it's so arrogant by them to do this. The other thing is like the 49ers were smart about it because a lot of those guys, they're banged up every preseason, right? They have 10 guys going in who are questionable. And they're probably like,

hey, we got to get them. If we could leave in June, let's do that. Because who knows if they're going survive this flight. Wait, 40-Henters, why didn't get away for their practice field? Yeah. They left in July. We may have to get, like, our practice squad guys in there because I don't know if anyone's going to make it to the finish line.

They might actually become normal human beings again after a week away from the electromagnetic magnetism. I can barely speak. I mean, it's just, this is like, you know, I wouldn't have taken this as the Rams home game. The Rams forfeited this game as a home game, right? And now it's even less of a home game because they're getting that late. They're giving themselves every disadvantage they can. You guys had a really good conversation about this on Friday or whatever Thursday when you did the NFC West and Ringar Wise guys.

And we talked about it too last week. I always get a little nervous with the super teams thing. The line is super high and we'll probably, I know I have one in our futures draft. This feels like a nice time to catch them too at the start of the year with all the hype. Anyway, I did Rams minus 4 for my guess. What'd you have? We split this. I said three, and it's three and a half.

See how that works? Right in the middle. You agree with that? I'm trying to think if they had... Do you think the Australian thing messed it, messed it up at all? If they had an actual home game, is it four and a half, five? If it's in L.A.? Yeah.

Four and a half? Yeah, five. It's in the Vegas zone. Yeah, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, may have screwed themselves here. This is the healthiest the 49ers will be all year. So if you had to bet an underdog between Pats plus three and a half and nineers plus three and a half, like you don't have to tell us until Friday, but where are you, are you leaning

or do either of those look tasty? Just say one. You don't have to say the team. I would say San Francisco, but I really want to monitor this narrative, this popular narrative thing and see like this is a top three. Like, would you agree this is a top three narrative? The Rams getting there late? Like we should keep track of the other two.

I had convert like anytime a narrative can cause me to have a conversation with my wife, I feel like that's a huge win for the NFL. I was like, what do you think of this? The Niners left six days before the games. The Rams are just saying, fucking going right in. Which team would you bet on just knowing that? She's like, that's crazy. The first day you're there, your head's spinning.

Like you're trying. I mean, I was just in Boston for five days. I woke up at, you know, six o'clock tonight. I didn't know where I was. And I was only gone five days. and it was in the same country. You should tell her like, honey, I took your advice. We bet $600,000 on the 49ers.

Tell her Friday morning. See what she says. Win or lose. Well, these two games are great. Like, we're two for two. And then the Sunday marquee game, which I have as the Texans and the bills in Houston. And I think, look, we have two different games.

We have the what the fuck just happened game, which we covered with Raiders Pats last year. we'll come up with some candidates for that. Texans bills in Houston has all the makings of the overreaction game. Whoever wins this game, it's going to be Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday. This is it.

The AFC runs through them. And it doesn't matter which one wins. The AFC's going to run through one of them. And the other way, well, the loser's in a little bit of trouble here. Look at their schedule. We're going over the loser's schedule. No question about it Sunday night, right?

Yeah, because if the Texans lose, Texans lose the C.J. Stroud conversations start that night. Right. Right. When we're doing Guestalines on Sunday night, it's C.J. Stroud will be involved five minutes. The bills lose. Then you can zag with the,

eh, McDermott. He was the fall guy, but their defense looked worse. And DJ Moore didn't help him. Josh. How can only do so much? Yeah, I can hear it. Let's just do that podcast now.

And then we'll do guests lines. We'll do all 12 narratives. Yeah. I had Texans minus one and a half at home. Yeah. So this is our first. tick-tack, I had Buffalo minus one to half, and I'm right. Now, I could tick-tack over to your direction, but right now, wait a second, the Texans,

a Super Bowl favorite. Yes. In some respects, the team that I would certainly, coming out of the AFC, the AFC favorite, I guess, a team that I think will be in the Super Bowl against Seattle. Okay. Is not even a home favorite against the Bills who lost. to who they lose to in the playoffs? Denver, right? Denver.

Very last minute, yeah. I agree with that? I think Houston's going to be in the Super Bowl. They have to make it one and a half. So if this game was in Buffalo, it would be Buffalo by three? Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. Well, I don't agree with this at all. So this is the only week I'm kind of not going to be five points off on a spread

because I sort of know I don't have a model, but the power rankings are kind of right there in terms of over under wins, right? I think it's a little bit of a break for Buffalo getting this defense before they get in a rhythm. I know you can say the same about an offense, but this is when they'll play Houston on the turf in September. I think the same kind of thing.

That's when I would sign up for that. I thought defenses were better coming out of the gate than offenses. Am I just misremembered that? I don't know if it'll be shut down just, you know, two scores a game like this early on. That's a great game. I have two watchables. I think this is also a really good game just from a,

I don't know what's going to happen with either of these teams. You're going Texas teaser. No question. Putting that north of seven. If it stays, if it remains one to half. So we changed the rules for Ringer 107 this year. Wait,

is everyone sitting down? You like the rules, right? I like them. Yeah. Oh, I guess we can announce this right now. This is huge. We talked Fandle,

our friends, into giving us a very special price on teasers this year. Yeah. And I think it's going to be for bets up to $50. We are bringing back the teaser. This is a huge passion point of us. We used to love teasers. Basically everybody changed the juice on them.

And it's a little like what happened in blackjack where all of a sudden we weren't getting the same price when you get a blackjack. Can't find any three to two tables. Yeah, yeah. What happened to three to two? We grew up on three to two. Now you're going to be six to five.

So we asked Fandole and we talked to them and we lobbied them and we convinced them to let us bring back teasers this year. So the juice is going to be minus 110. On any one teaser that you do for the week, you use our little code. We'll announce all that stuff later in the week. So you're suggesting Texans to plus seven and a half,

maybe even take the over under down, put it with another game, and that could be a potential fun one for your first tease. Far be it from you or I to explain the way to play a teaser, but the experts say that that's the way to do it. If you take the plus six with a plus one and a half, if you adjust at six points, you're crossing the three, you're crossing the four,

you're crossing the six, you're crossing the seven, and you like Houston to win this game anyway, so that would be the way. And people say, you announced to like, you like, Fandle has it at minus 110, big deal.

Everybody else has these at minus 139, minus 140. Right. It's good. That's good. One thing with the teaser, the funniest thing with the teaser is like twice a year, House and I tease somebody through the zero.

and Rahim reacts like we threw a Molotov cocktail in his apartment. It's the most, nothing upsets Rahim, Paul, more than cross. So basically if you had like Texans were minus two and a half and I tease them the plus three and a half, that's a good way to basically Molotov cocktail Rahim. He can't recover from that for a half hour. So one thing you can't do, you can't tease through the zero ever. Oh, man, you're losing a point. You're losing a point.

It's just gone. It's a five point. It's not a six point. I'll do it again this year. Not going to apologize either. The other rewatchables game we have, or watchables game, it's in Indianapolis. Our first, I guess our second home underdog, I'm guessing,

it's Ravens at Indianapolis. And I think the Ravens are going to be favored. And I have the Ravens favored by two and a half. Let me find this. All right. I add four. I thought the Ravens by four and it's three and a half. So I get this by a half a point.

Three and a half. Yep. Oh, I've skipped. Somehow, I'm so out of practice. I guess so I skip the other one. Sorry, we'll do that one first. Yeah. Baltimore, three and a half,

Indianapolis, a team that I think a lot of people are pretty lukewarm on. Everyone wants to see Daniel Jones. Everyone's excited about the Ravens. Everybody already has them penciled in for six and one, start seven. I have multiple Ravens bets. God, I hate the hook.

I hate that this is a three and a half. This makes me nervous. This feels like a classic. I don't know. I don't like it so. Don't you feel like whether you like it or not, if it's a team you like, if it's a team you picked last week

to go way over the total or over the total versus a team you picked to go under, just go with what you have, right, for week one. Like if you have to look stupid, then it's on you for wasting research for three months. That's kind of what I'm doing here. That was my column I wrote, in mid-2000s, I wrote the Symbotics column.

And it was basically like, you have the whole off-season to figure out who you like. And you got to stick to your guns the first two, three weeks. So it's the only time we're going to be right. And I feel like Daniel Jones, this is another narrative, right? Either he gets buried by the media or praised as an ex-Sam Donald. I feel like there's no in between. Right. I will probably, my guess is I would probably take the Ravens Money Line

and put that with something because the hook scares me. Tees it through zero. Were you up or down on the Colts? I can't remember. No, I'm down. You were under, right? It's one of my...

True unders. Yeah, okay. The other watchable is an awesome game. Bengals, Bucks, fantasy guys all over the place in this game. It's in Cincinnati. The Bengals just continue to be the sexiest off-season team.

Everybody's just all in. People love them. And everybody loves the Bucks at the Ringer, too. I heard your NFC South pod and I talked about it. You were, you had the NFC South when we did over-unders,

everybody going seven and ten. I made an impassion case why I thought Tampa was great value. Even if you look this weekend, Tampa over eight and a half. So just to go nine and eight in a shady division, it was still pretty good odds.

I think it was like plus one, ten. Just for them to win nine games. I'm in on Tampa. I was psyched when Dubundo was also in on them because I was waiting for him to make some long impassioned case why they were fools gold. But I'm like him. I like the front seven.

I think they're going to score. I think Baker was hurt last year. I'm not scared of the Bowles thing yet. They usually start out fast and then fade as the year goes along. And I don't know. I just like this spot for them. So I went Bengals minus three was my pick. All right.

Bengals minus three. Now I lost this. I said Bengals minus three. It's three and a half. So we split it. God, I haven't hit one yet. I don't know, man. I just, I'm really going to, when you tell me,

like, oh, I made all these NFC South bats, future or something. You get so upset. Like, don't tell me, it's like you're telling me like you're cheating on your wife. I'm like, don't even, I don't want, don't tell me. I don't want to hear it. I'm going to do bad things with that information. I like that you compare betting on the NFC South to adultery.

It's worse. It's probably like some kind of second degree. Somebody's got to win the NFC South. I know. No, they just, they hurt my feeling so much the Bucks. They were better than every team last year. I know, but they had a ton of injuries. I know.

The Bundo made a good point about how bad their defense was. So there were basically 28th EPA, the last six, seven games. I can't defend that. I think my zag on that division is it's been so bad and so erratic and so stupid for so many years. It's got to come around. That it's not scared everyone off from even looking at it and logically. I just think if you look at it logically, they easily have the most talent. It's not even close.

And they have, like, their draft, they're way better. Baker being healthy, I think really matters. I like some of their skill guys. I just, to me, they're a live dog in that game. And the team they're playing is similar to what you're saying, right? A lot of talent up and down the roster for Cincinnati, at least offensively. You know, I know Jack Taylor always wants to fast forward to week four because he'd go one and two most years. I got some funny Bengals fan emails that were upset that I was so down on their offensive line.

What? The quarterback is eating I was like, it's not good, but it's not bad. You're wrong. Our offensive line, if you look at stat A,

stat B, stat C, even Brandon Thorne, who's the guy I get most of my offensive line opinions from because he's the best at this.

He studies it. Go check out his substack if you love offensive line stuff. He DM me and was like, they're not that bad. Like they're not like they were a couple years ago. He wasn't saying they were good, but he was like, they're not that bad. Saxon pressure rate?

Like, how deep do I have to look into this? I don't know. They do have a couple above average guys on the line. I don't know. Are they as bad as Washington? No. Are they as bad as their first four of the five draft picks defensively. They were awful too, right?

They scored like 27, like 33, two games in a row in law. 37, two games in row and lost both games. So they, between the offensive line and defense, that's what I worry about a little because they loaded up on defense. I'm still trying to figure out, though, yeah, the whole thing where we made the defense better because this will make it easier for Joe Burrow. Right. Okay. So your defense is going to get off the field more often. So that means Joe Burroughs on the field more often.

How does that make it easier for him if you're still not blocking for them? They claim they're going to block for him. My memory of the Bengals, the last couple years, is Joe Burrow just running for his life over and over again? and taking huge hits. Yeah. I would look to see the camera on Burrow as they drafted defense after defense after defense. Because he's saying, oh, this is going to help me. This is great.

You know, it helps some blockers. Anyway, we'll see that one. Bucks is looming as my favorite one. So with Ringer 107, we're going to do four picks. I'm doing four picks with House on Thursday night. You're going to do four picks on your show, Ringer Fantasy, ringer NFL. We're all going to make four.

And then we're saving the fifth spot for Sunday morning. because we want to get more info. That was our biggest. The thing we're all frustrated with last year is locking these picks on Thursday and you and House and I would be texting each other on Sunday morning like, God damn, like, I really like this team.

I wish I had them and whatever. So now that's the way we're doing it. Okay, we're going to take a break. We're going to come back. We're going to finish the Guest Alines and we're going to do the futures draft. Let's do it all. This episode is brought to you by Mickelope Ultra.

It's the small moments where we have the most fun sometimes. like having a friendly little competition with your friends, it seems the fastest, or if you can put better in the backyard, or who can get to somebody else's house, or the better route, whatever it is. Even better,

if you put some Miklobaltra on the line or a freshen way to up the stakes, like me and House are going to pick games against each other on Thursday. It's the NFL season. Maybe we keep track in ways of Michelobulter six packs. I'm happy to do that. Maybe Michelobulcher will make a special BS podcast or Ringer six-packs, and then we could barter them back and forth, whatever it is.

By the way, they should do that for us. Superior is worth playing for Mikhailobotra, Superior Light Beer, enter for a chance to win Superior Soccer, Basketball, and Golf Prizes at Micklobulture.com slash Superior Access, Enjoy Responsibly Copyrated, 2026. Anheuser-Busch, Mikhailoblutra, Light Beer, St. Louis, Missouri. So I was telling you on during the break about my contact one situation. I have terrible eyesight, as you know, like really, really awful eyesight. And my contacts have to be, I have to order them in advance.

It takes them like four or five weeks for them to make my contacts. I can't just be like, oh, I'll get them online. Like they actually have to like, you know, I'm like minus 10. Every six months I'm supposed to change them. I thought I'd changed them in March, but it was actually January. So I realized this four weeks ago. I'm on month nine with these contacts and the new contacts are coming this week

and I'm now at the point where it's like I can't really read that well anymore. I'm like sliced alone sitting next to Adrian's bed trying to read as she's in the coma. It's just like blotchy. So anyway, that's why I'm squinting and looking because I have four more days.

My contacts are like about literally about to die in my eyes. Oh my God. Yeah. It takes up, but there's no temporary fix. Oh, I guess you're, you have the ones in now, right? I really need to figure out my eye thing. There's, how is, how have they not figured out eyesight better at this point?

Like, I don't know. Remember when they were doing the surgery and it was making, Lasix? Yeah. Yeah, the Lasix, but it's, I'm not eligible for that because my eyes are so bad. But how did they just not figured out any of this? Anyway, that's the, have you tried pouring hot water and lemon in your eyes? Maybe that's what it is.

I'll work on it. All right, guess so it's fairly rewatchables. Detroit is home for the New Orleans Saints. It keeps on rewatchables. Like they're going to make this a movie. I can't see. I can't see if it's rewatchables or watchables. Fairly watchables,

Lyons Saints. It's a buddy cop movie. With Goff and James and Williams. I'm probably too low. I did Lions minus six and a half. No, you're right on. I went seven. I went the full seven and it's six and a half.

You got it. Oh. My first one. This is just, it's a flashing neon sign saying, please tease me. Please, please make us fart of your first tease in the ringer 107. Lions right down to 0.5 points. I really wanted to like the Saints in the offseason. I know we talked about on the pod.

And I just, I don't really like the stuff they did in the off season. I thought on the Wise Guys pod, I think it was Rahim, talking about how Shucks 26. He's like, oh, young QB, finish the year strong. It's like, well, he's going to be 27 next year. So maybe he kind of is who he is. But I don't know, this feels blowouty to me. I have written down that this could be,

I know you like Tampa a lot, and forget my opinion on the NFC South, but this could be a Shakey's game preview. This could be one of our first Shakey's game previews. It's a great call. If they somehow win that doggly bad division. All right. Next fairly watchable. Bears at Carolina, I have this pegged as another home dog.

I had bears minus two and a half. You got it exactly. Why isn't this for? Because I don't think people trust the bears. I trust the bears. I have overs for them. They're going to come up in my future draft later if I can see what I wrote. Because I'm just getting blotches, squeakly lights.

I'm out of focus. You can't read. All right. I don't know, man. I shouldn't have done the rock. I should have worn my leather jacket in my little cap and just tried done the reading to Adrian thing. You can't see, Bill.

I can't see it all. The contact's still on here. You're going to kill you. You can't see. This happened to me 10 years ago for different reasons when my eyesight changed when I turned 45. Remember Daniel told us that was going to happen? Right, right, right.

And my eyesight changed. I thought I had a brain tumor and it was just my eyes actually were getting better. Yeah. So I went from like a minus 10 a half to a minus 10, but it was wearing the stronger contacts. And I was like, why does it take five weeks?

Is your supplier in Australia? I don't know. It takes five weeks from my contacts and one day for the Rams to go to Australia and play a football game. No kidding. Lions look very teaseworthy. Bears do not.

No, I'm saying bears Panthers also looks teaseworthy if you like the Panthers and you want to pull them to plus eight and a half. this is one of those games where I have a big opinion on one and a lesser opinion on the other and I'm just going to go with the

I'll tell you I'm going to go with the bears here but I do wonder here's another narrative is this the you know is this one of the team can't stand to play in a hundred and three degree heat game there's always one so glad he brought this up

Lombardi would talk about this every year Carolina Tampa Miami where's the other one Jackson Jacksonville those four you just you have

to look at the weather as it gets within three days. And if any of those are going to be 80, like 82, 83 or above, you're going to have, the road team's going to have problems. And we see it and they die in the second half and it's just a thing that happens. Yeah, it's like, yeah, the thermometer says 83, but trust me, it's 177 degrees on the field. Right. Who's the former, they go to Jay Feely or that other guy they have? And it's like, guys, it's so hot down here. I can't even see. Yeah. And then you're like, fuck, I bet on the road team. His nipples around, yeah. That feels, Bears Panthers, feels like a stayaway to me.

Next one is Jaguars Browns. I put this as a fairly watchable only because of Deshawn on the road, this weird Jaguars team. This has all the makings of that Raiders' paths game from last year where everybody puts the Jaguars. And this looks like a, let's be careful to me game. I have Jaguar seven and a half over the Browns. Yeah, you got it.

I said seven. I thought that was enough. It's a, it is seven and a half, exactly. But I'm with the... I'm on fire. Well, yeah. This is bad now, right? What do you have?

I have three in a row. Yeah, it's six to five. Okay. Yeah. All right. But yeah, I just, I think this is a must watch, Deshaun, until we've had enough making fun. Couldn't agree more. I'll put it in the four box in the early slip.

I didn't tell you this, but my daughter has a game on Sunday. Should you be saying this? On Sunday. Yeah. At 11 a.m. PT. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah.

This is for some reason a thing that's happening. So I'm going to have her game on the big TV. I'm going to have the Red Zone on another TV. And then probably Bill's Texans. And those will be my three. Wow. I can't not put her on the big TV. Like, this is her last season.

No, you have to watch. But can't they get. You could get them to move it, can't you? Honestly, I'm completely outraged by the Emerson coaches on this. Coach Suve and Coach Collins, just an all-time outrage to put this against the week one NFL. How many Sunday games are there? Honestly, it feels like a personal attack.

Yeah, of course. No, it's like, I think it's the only Sunday afternoon game they have. And for some reason, week one head-to-head against all this stuff. So I will be by myself. I don't want to be near anyone. and I feel like everything's going to be tied together in some way. I don't know if there's a way to parlay her game with any of these games. I love it.

Sorry. I don't watch the Sean throw four interceptions. Yeah, sorry. I didn't realize you scored the second half. The Sean was going for his fifth interception. I had to switch it. Jaguars Browns. Jaguars look like to stay away.

All right. Packers at Vikings. Yeah. I think this is going to be another home. dog, Sal. The Vikings, I think, out of the 32 teams, I think have had the widest array of opinions in all the preseason pods.

People are, like, adamant that they love the Vikings this year. And then other people are like, that team's going to suck. They don't have talent. I've only heard the former that, you know, this is, oh, that defense. They know what they're doing. Nobody can name three good guys in their defense,

but the defense is awesome. Such a step up. Yeah, you know, it's like. Flores doesn't matter who he has. At some point it matters a little bit who he has. Flizzing schemes are the best. Yeah, I don't really know how they won those last four games. And Kyla Murray is a step up, but he's also, we talked about last week.

By every metric, he's not going to make Justin Jefferson a superstar again. Packers feeling a little nobody believes in us, too. Everybody's kind of kicked them in the curb. Parsons isn't coming back until midway through the year, et cetera, et cetera. I have Packers minus two over the Vikings, probably too high. All right, I have to stare at this now because I don't really believe it. I had Packers by one and a half and it's Vikings by one and a half. Whoa.

It's in the Tick-Tac. I guess because there's a lot of Kylo Murray buzz. I mean, he hasn't been a one point favorite since, um, and honestly a lot of a lot of, I don't love the Packers buzz too with no Parsons. Yeah, right. Their defense without a, okay, we lost a home dog. Yep.

This last one. I've already made the tease with this team. I put them in a money parlay with UCLA last night. Thanks to getting to Bob Chesney. Eagles home for Washington. I feel like this particular matchup has lost everybody significant amount of money over the last 10 years. It's true.

How many times, like what has gone right in an Eagles Washington game from a betting standpoint for anyone you know, including us? I can't think of one thing. Yeah, no, I'm usually, you're right. This should be a stayaway for sure. And it's like a 425 kickoff, so there's always a weird one in there. And Washington has a real aroma about them, and it's not a positive aroma.

It's an odor. And the Eagles, you know, they're going to go 11 and 6 like they always do. And this just seems like a layup. Why isn't this line going to be higher than my guess, which is Eagles minus 6 at home? It's not even that high. It gets you. You get the nod here because it's five. and I said four and a half.

Oh. Yeah. That's an absurd price for the Eagles. That's basically bait. It's basically everybody's been burned by this game so many times you're getting two free points. This line should be seven and a half. And you're the very first trend.

You read off, right? The division opponents getting whatever seven, seven and a half. So they don't make it that high. That's also a gigantic narrative. The, you know, the commander's O line sucks. It does. Because it does suck. Singing their eulogy, yeah, against this loaded defense.

I guess so. I think I'm too into Jayden Daniels this year. I don't even know why. Would you make Stewards Falcons of fairly watchable or a poopfecta or are rewatchable? Your pick. I think it's a rewatchable. It's a, I guess, fairly watchable. I hate them.

I hate this stuff. I'm not putting this on. I'm watching Zoe over this one. Well, I'll move it up because otherwise we would have had four poopfectus. Could do that. Steelers Falcons, I do think this is a fairly watchable because I'm really interested to see how bad the Falcons are. I think that's a team that over the course of the month, everybody has turned on and you can see it with the lines. Even since we talked about it last week, I think the juice has moved even further ahead of them on Fandle where they have.

the winning and losing record bets, the losing record bet. There's actually been action on them. They've moved up. I think they're like 12 to 1 now for that. They used to be like over 20 to 1. There's Mike McCarthy. There's some Steelers could be a little bit sleepy in the AFC as like a 10 or an 11 win team. I have Steelers minus three and a half.

You're going to nail this one too. I said three. They made it three and a half. Four, five, six, seven, eight, two, three, three. Cruising. Eight to six for you. Yeah, I don't want to watch this. The Falcons, I read 2-16 and won all-time against the Steelers.

And they have no one to rush the quarterback. So Roger's going to look good. Here, can I give you some reasons to watch other than gambling? Sure. Who's playing quarterback for the Falcons? Yeah, I know. You hate that. I'm literally asking you.

If it's panic or two? Do you know who's playing? Because I don't know who's playing. They didn't announce it, yeah, right? It's one of those, too. who's had no training camp or Tua who should be out of the league. And it's going to be one of those too. With the Steelers, a front seven that is always great,

it feels like the first two months and then loses steam as it goes. So why isn't this higher? Just because you're trying to think of their wind totals. The Steelers are eight and a half, right? Atlanta's down six and a half? What do we have? Atlanta is basically six and a half now, yeah. Yeah.

Steelers at home. Atlanta outdoors, Dome team outdoors. right I hate that already Sal is revenge Titans home for the Jets I can't say the Titans had

had a lot of buzz coming out of the preseason I can't say there's a lot of excitement about this team Jets a whiff of buzz a little bit of bus I have the Titans

as home underdogs in this game I have Jets minus one and a half This is your worst one, I think, and the one we differ on the most. I said, I said Titans by 2, and it's Titans by 2 and a half. So I get this one. Ooh. Okay. Well, we'll see.

Usually when I'm off by that many points, that means I'm going to bet. Well, I'm going to bet on myself on this one. I don't think the tight should be favored against anybody. Whoever wins, let's just not do the, could they make the playoffs? Could the, let's just not do it. I mean, here's what scares me. House said he looked back over the summer. He has eight week one wagers on the Jets.

So maybe they should want us bet before September. Jesus. Let's slip him to $800 number. That game is more fun than Raiders' dolphins, which is in Vegas. Kirk Cousins, Malik Willis, two teams that have been thrown around the number on pick race. I have Vegas minus two and a half over the Dolphins. I had Vegas minus two and a half as well and it's three and a half

By the way we just put a poll up about the about the Jets Titans because we had such a disparity All right All right Malik Willis, Kirk Cousins We'll see what the Netflix people think

Let me ask you this I don't want to really want to watch Any of that game I'm just going to ask you Does the U.S. Open men's finals get a bigger screen than Miami Las Vegas and the Simmons household No, I don't care about the U.S. Open Padas.

Oh, wow. Okay. I did stay up to over 2 o'clock when I was in Boston watching Zverev almost blow it in round one, which would have been the first time that's happened as a one seed losing in a major. It was like in 30 years. The announcers were going nuts. And I got sucked in and then I was up until 3 in the morning after. That's great.

I gave tennis a compliment saying the night edition of tennis, an exciting night game. the disparity between an exciting day game is unlike any and any other sport. I have a hot take, and I think Eduardo needs to get ready to clip this out, because I feel really strongly about it. I've watched tennis my whole life. I play tennis. I love tennis. Serena's done?

Tennis matches are too long. Ooh. We've lost the narrative with this. These guys are too good. The rallies and the points, and these matches are four and half hours routinely now. And I just think it's absurd. And I've talked about this forever. I don't think anything should be four and a half hours.

Like literally anything. Movies, sporting events, a dinner, anything. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything for four and a half hours. That's supposed to be entertainment. And I just think they really have to rethink this. And all the tennis peers are going to be like, that's crazy. Fuck you.

Go fuck yourself. I get it. Whoa. But I think they should seriously think about changing the sets from, six to five for winning the set. Oh, it's changing the set. See, I was going to propose, see, I bet tennis all the time

because it's on third a day. Do the four out of seven? Well, they do two out of three sets for men's when it's not a major. If you're watching the Cincinnati open on a Wednesday, it's like that's two out of three. Women are always two out of three. You would just go to five instead of six.

Whatever we have to do to not make this four and a half hours. I don't, I just don't think it's that entertaining. And I like tennis. And I'm sure people are like, no, no, this is amazing. You did you. I know. And the whole time, I'm like, why the fuck is this four and a half hours?

It's absurd. In baseball, it's, when the baseball game's got too long, what did we do? We were like, this is too long. Let's get a pitch clock. We got to fix this. In tennis, it's like, oh, Joe Kvich is about to have a stroke on the, on the court. This is great. What drama?

He's dying. Like, what's fun about this? it's a lot when it's Joevin couldn't even like hit balls back in the fifth set yeah he was just like letting that letting serves go because he was trying to save his energy for when he served and it's like once we get to that point

I just think it's much harder to play than it was during the McEnroe Borgare it just was it just is they are flying around for every point I'll give you that and that's why maybe the night game is better that's why you won't have to worry about everyone dropping dead from heat stroke but you'd have to check the ratings I feel like a lot of people

start tuning in in that fifth set. They'd also tune in if it was five games instead of six. All right. I don't know. I don't care as much. I'm sorry.

I forgot. I shouldn't have done this to you when you were in football mode. What do you mean you don't care? You bet on all this tennis. I know. I brought it up, but I just,

I never really thought about it. Chargers Cardinals in L.A. A rare L.A. Football game where they're not going to be deluge by fans from the other team because we don't know. them in Arizona Cardinal fans. Won't see a lot of Buda Baker jerseys, Roman,

or outside of SoFi. This is also a classic teaser. I have chargers minus eight. Let me find this. I had eight and a half. It's nine and a half. Went way high on this. Yeah, because they don't want us to tease

because they knew we convinced fandom. All right, those are three poop fictus. Sunday night, Cowboys, Giants at New York. You're going to be favored. You're going to be favored. favorite. You can be favor in this game. I have Cowboys minus two and a half.

I had Cowboys minus three. And I was bummed to see that it was two and a half, not because you got it, because now I have to think about it. I mean, this is potentially awesome for you. You get an immediate crack at celebrating my grief minutes after. Brandon Aubrey misses a game-winning 72-yard field goal at the buzzer. So I was bum to see this thing.

I think you lay this smack down. Oh, really? I do. I love the Cowboys this year. I know. Everybody does. I was looking at them for best record in the NFs, like the one seed, all that shit. Yeah. We just have to lose to the Giants.

Everybody gets off our case for a minute. And somehow we won nine of the Lions. I'm already a basket case about this matchup. What did the Bundo say 17 of the 26 guys from last year's defense are no longer on the team? For Dallas? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that should be all.

Yeah, you guys are going to be good this year. Yep. And there's a poll up now on Netflix. We'll sell be shedding tears next Sunday night. I mean, either way, I think it's yes. I think it was very smart to stay away from medieval conneville.

I don't want any part of that. Yeah. Talk to me next Monday. So we have Giants as a home dog, Panthers. Wait, did you win? Texans. Ten?

I think I won. You're winning 10, 9. We have four home dogs. I think we're both going to hit this one. This is the most obvious Tick-Tac one of all time. Monday night, Kansas City, home for Denver, and I have Chiefs minus one and a half.

I swear on my kids, I had Chiefs minus two, and it is two and a half. See how that works, people? See how unsatisfying that it was? We split. I feel like you cheated.

We tie week one. I feel like you cheated. 8, 9, 10 to 1, 2, 3. 10 to 10, including ties. There you go. Chiefs minus two and half, huh? What are we missing with the chiefs here? It's Mahomes nine months after an ACL.

Yeah. It's Kelsey three months after he got married. It's a complete overhaul of that and all these young people. They have a young secondary. It's a team that I feel like is going to take five, six weeks to be whatever it's going to be. Week one against Sean Payton and the Broncos, a team that felt like they should have made the Super Bowl last year. that feels like they're better,

even though the schedule is not better, I just don't see how the chiefs are favored like this. This feels like a Mahomes Reed thing. I think Fandals throwing their hands in the air a little bit here. Like the chiefs would normally be a three-point favorite, right? But what people aren't talking about is this is Bo Nix's rehab game too, right? We didn't see him. He got hurt in the middle of January.

That's fair. Messed up his leg. So it's like, all right, let's see. I mean, they pushed it as late as they could Monday night. for my homes to rest up. Surprise I didn't play this Tuesday afternoon. In Australia. All right, so we tied.

No, I will not be crying according to our Netflix fateful. 67%. Thanks, guys. Appreciate that. Is that what they said? That's what they say. They're never wrong. This episode is brought to by Uber Eats.

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Workday is the enterprise AI platform for HR, finance, and IT, with AI grounded in your context to get work done and done right. It's a new work day. Futures draft. It's time. Let's go. Come on. I'll give you the first pick since I beat you last year and guessed the lines

so that enables you to get the first pick. You also beat me in this. I look back. We gave out 34 futures bets each. Today we're going to try for 100 each. But no. But I was like, oh, we did well. We both gave out winners.

superfan Chris Haynes reported Simmons ended up up 3.98 units and Sal was down 11.94 units. So mind your damn business. Oh, you were down last year? Yeah, I guess I was down. I blame the Chiefs. So part of the art of this is

we want to have some winners that are going to be around even plus 110 plus 115. But we want to have some long shots too. And we want to be able to go back and forth and have a nice mix of both, but really try to hit.

Like one of the ones I hit last year was Mike Frable coached of the year. And that was like, I don't know, 10 to 1 or 12 to 1. We're putting one unit on all of these, so you hit one of those and it's worth like 10. So the art of this is some long shots,

some staples, and go out of the way around. You have the first pick. We say one unit, we recommend one unit is $10,000, but it's whatever you guys want to do. It's $10,000 per unit. Okay.

how we're going to do this. Oh, we're going to do with Snake? I go first and you take two, or we just go back and forth? I'm fine, just going back and forth. It's up to you, though. All right, I'm going to start with my favorite, and I can't believe it involves the Jets doing something somewhat positive, but it does. The New York Jets to come in third place at even odds.

I think this hits by three or four games on either side. I think the Pats and Bills are 10 plus. I think the dolphins are four minus. they have not built their team like the Jets have. Jets are actually trying to win and believe it or not. I have the Jets at six wins.

I think this is a lock of all locks, especially if Miami's battling for that first pick in December, late December. Give me Jets third place plus 100. I had it written down. It's great. It's a good one.

It's great. Ironically, my first pick was going to be a variation of that. The Falcons, and by the way, you can find all these on Fandall, including the exact order bets for divisions, but also you can bet on the Jets to beat third place. I have a parley, the Falcons and the dolphins, to both be in fourth place,

plus 343 on Fandle, at least yesterday when I did all my work. And by the way, if you want to throw Minnesota in there, which I'm not going to do, plus 1056 for that. But Falcons Dauphins is my first pick. I like that. Plus 3.4.3. Because it's like a two of terror. Like two had killed or was about to kill both the teams.

You're right. It's like a two-a-two timer. Yeah, that's it. I honestly can't figure out how either of these teams don't finish fourth. I think your roadmap for the AFC East is a lot easier because we're going to have the Jets at least trying for the first few weeks. Dolphins don't seem to be care at all. Falcons, I think the Saints or the Panthers would just have to really stink.

But I just don't see how the Falcons aren't in fourth place. So anyway, that's my first one. What do you got? How about this? Chargers get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs plus 172. Wow. In the last three years, they've made the playoffs. I think they're going to enter as a three-seat.

They're going to screw people up a little bit. They'll enter as a three-seat after winning the division and they're going to lose at home. I have them losing to the six-seated cheeps in round one. chalk that up as a win in one way or another, they're losing in the first round. So this is just a Herbert shorting by you. Yeah, right.

It's pretty good. It's like how we would bet Mahomes every year. And then, okay, every three years, they'll win the Super Bowl. This is the other version of that. Yeah. So ways you lose, they don't make the playoffs. Or they're the one seat.

Right. All other scenarios you're in play. I don't really like that. Okay. Oh, man. So many good ones left. Are you done? You could tap out if you want.

No, I have so many. I really love this one. I'm not going to do Atlanta twice. I'll do one that I love that I've wagered on myself. I have Houston and Seattle both to make the playoffs. It's plus 12 on Fandul, basically even odds. And I don't see a world where either of these teams don't make the playoffs unless something horrible happens.

Now, I've learned my lesson from last year because we got burned. We'd had some three-team playoff stuff. And what I took away from that, my mistake and my lesson going forward is three teams you're just opening the door for weird shit to happen. Stick with the two you really like, one in each conference. They're going to each be doing their own thing. I just think Houston's defense and Seattle's defense. Those are going to be two of the three best defenses in the league.

I'd just be shocked if either of these teams didn't win 10. Plus 1, 12 sounds great. I like that. I have them both back in the playoffs. Why not a plus money? Yeah, who beat us last year? In general. Ken City.

Ken City killed us last year. And Detroit? Did you have Detroit too? I think I had to. But Kansas City killed us. We lost multiple. It honestly ruined what should have been an awesome year for me. Right.

But I had all these different Kansas City bets that murdered me. Yeah. But all right. All right. You're up. I have, this is my only end. NFC South bet.

God bless you. You're going to have a dozen. It's a cousin South special on Fandle, Bill. You can check it out. On the ringer specials, right there. All right. It's a combination bet. NFC West to have more wins than the NFC South, duh.

And the AFC West to have more wins than the AFC North. Okay, say that again. I forgot it already. No, NFC West to have more wins than the NFC South. So that's going to happen. Yeah. That's happened. by 10. AFC West

to have more than the AFC North. So you have the you could have three double digit win teams and if the Raiders are competitive against the NFC North Cleveland's going to be. Yeah. Yeah, you need Cleveland not to be good. You're hoping Cincinnati is not like an

11 win team. And I don't think Pittsburgh's going to be very good. And that's plus 165 if you put those together. Wow. That's a really good one. The AFC part makes me a little more nervous. I think the other one I thought was great, but I like the juice, the plus 165.

You mentioned the NFC South. You got me excited, so I'm going to bang this out. Now, Tampa, to win the NFC South, plus 175. I honestly, this is a miracle, but this is still the price. I don't understand it at all. Plus 175? They're by fire their best team. This is like you went to the doctor and they said,

hey, you got to stop drinking. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, doctor. And you get to the parking lot, you're doing shots of Yeagermeister in the car. Like, why? Why with the NFC South enough? One of the things that's appealing is a different team seems to win this stupid division. Although Tampa won a few in a row, but usually when we have the screwed up divisions, a different team wins every year.

And then say, oh, who's out this year? Tampa didn't win last year. Okay. Yeah. So what was that? Tampa? Plus 175. Sign me up.

Just to win. Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. One more Sal special on Fandle, courtesy of the ringer. Rams win the West. the NFC West.

Yep. Chargers make the playoffs and Cardinals lose their first five. That's just a fun one. Wow. Yeah. LSC playoffs. Zona loses their

Zona goes 0 and 5. They have the most oner schedule in the week. They're at the Giants week four. I feel like that's their best shot. Otherwise, they're a seven, 10 point dog. Yeah, you go. Pays over 8 to 1.

8 to 1. Oh, boy. You really, you did your homework this year. I can tell. That's a pretty good one. It always works out. All right, I'm going to take this off the board. It's a defensive one.

I could probably get this later, but I want to do this. It's not a jinx. As you know, I like winning more than jinxing your teams. I have Dak Prescott to win the MVP at 18-1. I just like the odds. I think that team, I think one of those two NFCs teams is going to be really good, especially because of those four Washington Giants games. I just like your team. We talked about earlier. Jerry being quiet is notable. He's got weapons. They figured out the Pickens thing.

They're going to be able to run the ball. I just like the odds. I don't understand why his odds are 18 to 1, but Burrow is like 5 to 1. So you got to be, yeah, that shouldn't be that wide. He should be right in there with the rest of the favorites. Dallas is 12 and 5 or 13 and 4. Dak's going to win the MVP because the freaking media machine behind the Cowboys, you know. Right. Anyway,

I like the odds. Don't clip that off, Kyle. Don't even bother with that. It's nice and everything. I appreciate it. By the way, we forgot to welcome Tony Romo to the podcast.

He's going to be. He's over my shoulder here. Tony's got some time now. He's going to hang with us. And yeah, he's going to. Always invited on the pod to join us. Thank you.

Okay. Yeah, please Tony the real Tony. All right. That's good. I mean, I like DAC for like most passing yards and passing touchdowns. I just wanted a DAC prop before you grabbed one. Yeah.

Because I knew, I figured you're going to grab one. That's fine. You know, he's not in the NFC South, right? Are you still okay making a future bet with him? I'm okay. This is stupid. You're going to hate this. But Zach Taylor, coach of the year at plus $2,700.

Now, I think. Oh, my God. I think he's either first coach, fired or coached of the years, nothing in the middle. And our friends at Fandle are too nice to let us bet forward first coach fired. So the 11, 12, maybe 13 win Bengals could get Zach Taylor some hardware. Imagine that.

27 to 1. Who do you think is going to be the first coach fired if it's not Zach Taylor? Oh. Oh, no. I feel like we talked about this. He's going to have some run. Because Bowles would be up there if Tampa starts out slow. Yeah.

But it's less than you think, right? It's just, there's less candidates this year because we had 10 new coaches. You have some entrenched ones. Andy Reid's kind of a fun guess for this. Interesting. They just stink and they're like two and five. And people are like, he's done. Siriani is a wild card if the Eagles are super disappointing.

But it's way less than you think. KOC is a wild card. KFC is a wild card. Potentially. It's all people you would never expect. Aaron Glenn if it's just As awful as it was last year Yeah yeah

That team has to get an interception All right Okay that was my You go All right I'm going to take this off the board Just because I don't want you to have it Price on the Seahawks

Rookie Notre Dame 750.5 yards rushing This is over under on Fandul He was being drafted like a $25 to $30 running back, if he doesn't get 750 yards, somebody got hurt. Like with the way that that team runs the ball, the zone blocking, which I'm sure they kept. It's a 17-game season.

750 yards. That's 45 yards a game. Right. So he'd basically have to get hurt not to hit that. I think they're going to need him. I don't know if Charbonnet is coming back. And the other guys are all third-string, fourth-string running backs. I think they're going to use this guy and ride him, and I'm grabbing it.

750. This reminds me of the Ibuka last year, which was one of mine that hit. And it hit in like nine weeks. But it was like, who else are they throwing it to other than him and Mike Evans? Like, we just watched it. So anyway, price 750.5. That is a low total. So what is that?

40s? If you play 17 games, it's like 47 yards a game? It's a ludicrous. Total. Yeah. I don't really understand it. I'm right. Price is right.

for price. I'm going to write that down over 7.50 and a half. All right, I'll stay rookie here since we're doing rookie. Yeah. I picked this award, the offensive rookie of the year, correctly, two of the last three. Yeah. I'm going to say two and a half, really, because that Bucco, who brought up, was in the driver's seat for like nine weeks before he just disappeared.

He got hurt. Baker got her. Yeah. He killed a lot of fantasy teams, too. DeJohn Stribling. Oh, for the 49ers plus 850. You got Kirk out, Ricky Pearsall on I. who knows with Diuk if they sign it if he plays whatever. Kittle starts banged up. I think there's plenty of opportunity to catch passes from Purdy

who was like top, I think eight in yards per game. This guy had back to back 800 yards with Ole Miss. So we might have the Mike Evans injury like at some point. Yeah. Right. So he got Evans there. So he had like four catches in the preseason all over 10 yards. I think he's going to be.

I'm going to go O'Roy at plus 850. And I think like you could get him for most receiving yards to a plus 470. but 8.50 for these purposes. So this is my pick. And that was 20 to 1 at one point. It was pretty high. Stribling? I think that dropped.

Yeah. I don't. I'm not getting the best number. So T-MAC won last year. Yep. He came on late like a freight train. Normally I'm always afraid of rookie receivers, but the two almost won last year.

Okay. I have another one. This is the goofiest one. And I can't decide. Fuck, I'm just going to do it. Okay. This is a parlay with three receivers. This is one of the only ones.

Matthew Golden on the Packers to get 600 plus receiving yards. Jalen Coker on the Panthers to get 600 plus receiving yards. And Rahid Shaheed, Rashid Shahid, 500 plus yards. receiving. You put those three together. It's plus 561. Wow. And the only way I lose that is if one of those guys gets hurt for half this season. Shahid is the number two receiver on the on the Seahawks, basically. And if you remember, like they traded a midseason and they were trying to figure out how to use him, but he's their deep threat. I feel like he's 500 seems low. You could talk me in a 750 for him.

Koker, who Holy Cross his own, awesome playoff game. last year against the Rams. I think he was like 12 for 140. He was hurt for most of the year. It was going to be the number two receiver. Basically, was out of the loop for three months, came back. And then Golden, the Packers went from five receivers to three. So if you think, if you think Jordan Love's going to throw for 3500, 4,000 yards, he's got craft and three receivers. All of those receivers should be over 600. So plus 561 for me for that. Does make sense. But it's too many overs. Like this is how, I know.

Money just bed over. That's why I said this is my only one of these. All right. Let me show you how it's done. Okay. Puka under 107.5 receptions. I love it. Now, I know he had 129 last year, and so this would be a big drop-off.

But not that big if you have to sit two or three games for unforeseen reasons or for foreseen reasons. So he's got some groin stuff going into the season. That's the groin stuff we know about. It's the least of his problems. Yeah, exactly. So, 104, 105 catches would still be incredible. 108 over, let's say, 14 games is like eight catches a game. I don't think, like, also the starters might not even play the fourth quarter in some of these ran blowouts.

So I really like the other, I don't root for injuries, but. Also, does he come back from Australia? Yeah, that's the other thing. Yeah. They're going in, they're leaving the next day. It's like 50-50. He's on the plane. Arrested for fornicating with a kangaroo.

which apparently is illegal. I love this one. That's a great one, especially if the kangaroo thing happens. No, you're catching somebody the year after the best year of their life. Right. Somebody who took a lot of big hits who already, you know, might have some injury stuff going and definitely has some other stuff going. So I really like that one.

Okay. Can't believe this is still on the board. I looked at this as under seven and a half plus 210, but I'm going to go one higher because I just want to win this. Washington and Atlanta both under eight and a half wins. Eight and nine or worse,

both teams plus one-twelf. It's good. I just don't see either team. Why do you got to put the South and everything, man? Just open up a waffle house in your backyard already. What are you doing? Who's going nine and eight out of that combo?

Neither. I had to do that. Plus 112. Yeah. Plus 112. I love it. I like that. By the way,

I should mention with Washington, Atlanta, the two NFC team, we talked about this last week, but these are the two NFC teams. I'm just shorting every way I can. The whole time. I just think both of them are going to be bad

and I still feel like the market is not adjusted. I don't really have an AFC team like this that I feel like everybody's, off on. I think you could make the cases like Indianapolis, I was excited. And I think you went under for us. That was one of your favorite picks. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't feel like it's a, like I feel like these are sure things. Wow. That these teams cannot go nine and eight. Yeah, I know.

I just don't see a world where either team is that Washington can't block. Atlanta doesn't have a quarterback. And Atlanta has probably the worst front seven in either conference. So I'm, I just, that signed me up for that. bet them to go 0 and 5. I'm sure there's odds on that. I don't know where they are, but. I might have the worst record in my arsenal. Just parley them losing over and over. All right. This is a bet that you're not going to like this, but you could do this with any team you like in this division, I think. Green Bay to be the two seed at plus 1,000. I have them the win of division. I have them won the division at plus 280. But I think it's a better bet. And you just do this with the NFC North winner who should have not as many wins.

is the NFC West winner, but I think more than the Cowboys Eagles, I know you're high on the Cowboys, and certainly more than the South winner, right? So, wait a second. The West team, the West winner is the one seed, and then I think the NFC North is the two.

So basically instead of betting Packers to win the division, you're betting them to be the two seed because you're gaming that to be the second best division in the conference. They'll have more wins than your, they basically just have to have more wins than the Eagles or Cowboys or your Tampa Bay box, whoever you have. 10-1 odds, pretty good.

Yeah, but who do you have? You have the Bears to win that division, right? Like, you'll get... I have the lines. You have the lions. All right, so you'll get the... I don't like it, though. To me, that...

You're afraid of the NFC South. I'm afraid of the NFC. North. Yeah. Okay. I can't believe I'm doing this one. You're going to be so mad. It's another NFC South bet. What's the matter with you?

What happened? Baker Mayfield, 4,000 plus passing yards plus 340. So I looked at this. I studied it. Two years ago, he threw for 4,500 yards. Last year he was on pace to do it

before seven parts of his body got injured and everybody else got injured. I think their offense is going to be good. 4,017 a game, that's 200. what, 230 yards a game? If they play 17 a game. Every bone is body broken last year.

But yeah, if he goes 17 games. Offensive line didn't have worse last year. He has his left tackle back. I think they have a top four offensive line. I think they're going to protect him. I think he plays 17 games. And I think he gets this easily. I looked at the 4,500 too.

It was 19 to 1. Thought about it long and hard, but that was aggressive. But he did do it two years ago. Did you mention the contract year? I don't know. Contract year as well. Little FU. Little FU as well. So there you go.

The only thing is their defense has, if their defense is better, that hurts there into his numbers a little bit. But all right, as long as we're talking $4,000 plus, how about Trevor Lawrence plus 160? Not as good a number, but probably because he had $4,07 last year. And the team led the league in drops, 45 drops. I love this. So if you cut that number to 30, which is still. really bad.

He should go way over this number. You could escalate it to 4,100. You should be okay there too. But I'm going to go to you law 4K plus 160. I love it. And I'm going to follow it up with another 4K bet. Okay. Caleb Williams plus 210.

That's a good one. All the same reasons you said, I actually think they're positioned to throw the ball a little bit more this year than they did last year. year two of Ben Johnson. I feel like Caleb's going to be better this year. Their schedule's, you know, fairly hard, which I like. You almost want, like, the, you know, the games that are going to come down in the fourth quarter

where you know the guys out there. I think that's what heard Drake May last year with some of the passing stuff because sometimes the games were done. But is Caleb just never going to throw for 4,000 yards? Like, he's going to do it at some point. Just to keep the joke going? Yeah. You want to keep going?

Do you have another 4,000 yard? Of course. I don't know if I have a 4,000 yarder. But similarly, Christian Watson, 10 plus receiving touchdowns is plus 340. So he's never part of that wide receiver slog. He's no longer part with the, you know, love could focus on him and read and craft and golden, like you said. He typically gets between six and seven touchdowns, but I think he ups it to double digits, gets behind the defense a lot. So do that 10 times plus 340.

sadly after having been burned by him multiple times in fantasy i don't know if i can support any christian watson best fine yeah i can't support this bet though david montgomery now in the houston texans thousand-yard rushing season just needs a thousand thousand one would get it just a thousand give me to four digits plus two 20 good defense um he's not sharing it with Gibbs or anything like that. He's going to be a workhorse. I just feel like a lot of 20 for 72, 19 for 75,

22 for 68, thousand yards 17 games. That's less than 60 a game. And he's way, way, way better than anyone they had last year and it was the biggest hole they had last year. So I like that. Plus 220 for that.

Let's take some heat off of woody marks. Yeah, I always try to go by his yards per car. but it's not really fair because he's a goal line vulture. So he's getting a lot of one and two and three yards. He has a move the chains are. Right. And that's a key point. Like they had him out there inside the four.

Chewene up is now he's going to actually go. All right. You're up. All right. Here's a weird one. Vance Joseph. Assistant coach of the year. They have this on Fandle.

11 to 1. One in previous years by Josh McDaniels, Ben Johnson, Jim Schwartz. The Denver defense right up there with Houston. Wow. I didn't even look at this one. Yeah. The 68, 63 sacks the last two years.

They had four guys with at least seven sacks, Denver. He came in second last year, Vance Joseph, to Josh McDaniels. He had like 80 votes. McDaniels had 1.30 or something. So I think he wins it this year. Plus 1100. Was Mike McDaniel the favorite for this? Must have been.

Yes, I believe he was. Yep. Now I can't find it. Who's your Dallas defensive coordinator? Christian Parker, 34 years old. It could be another one. Good one. If you guys go from like one of the five worst defenses in the league to like 14th.

Yeah, that's true. I'm rooting for Vance Joseph, though. All right, going big upside for this one. I can't believe he didn't take it. It had Sal written all over it. Malik, what you're talking about, Willis? Thousand yards rushing this year plus 850. I have something like that.

Damn it. That is the most sound. bet possible. Plus 8.50. He's going to run the ball 10 times a game. Maybe 12. He'll break two of them.

He might have a game where he's like 22 for 70. I don't know. But plus 850, I couldn't resist. All right. This is the one I couldn't resist, Malik Willis.

God forbid we don't have a Malik Willis future here. So I have a special section. Most quarterback rushing yards is plus 500. Oh, that's even better than mine. No, I don't know if it is, but he's going to have 2,000 yards rushing. Unfortunately, only like 600 or so are going to be from beyond the line of scrimmage.

Forget about that with the sacks. Yeah, yeah. But no, they don't count against you. But they, you don't get thing for sacks. So I think plus 500 could work out for him. We haven't seen a lot of them in, you know, preseason, whatever. It's not like he's playing games. But I do wonder if they're going to be a really funky team to play. where it's just like a lot of running and weird shit and almost like watching some of the stuff UCLA was doing last night. He'll kill a teaser with a four-quarter

seven-yard touchdown run against us somewhere. Mark it down. I'm marking it down. I'm also going to mark down this one. Seattle and New England together, over eight and a half wins. You like that piece? Because there's a third piece coming.

Rams under 13. and a half. You put those together, plus 145. So Rams go 13 and 4 or worse, I'm basically going to win because Seattle and New England are both winning nine games. Plus 145.

Interesting. I really like that one. I was trying to figure out different ways to bet against the Rams. And I just feel like them going 14 and 3 seems absurd with a top heavy roster, with the schedule they have, the Aaron Donald probably playing 30 plays a game for the first three months

of the year. Some of the schedule shit, this Australia game, like if they lose that Australia game, are they going 14 and 3? So I wanted to figure out something with that. All right. I feel like an idiot because I did all this research and I'm, you know, I fell out with the Rams. I mean, we'll give our Super Bowl pick at the end. Is that what we do? Yeah, sure. The last one. Yeah. So, but I like the first two. It's hard to believe a year ago, Patriots and. And, Seattle were favored to not make the playoffs like going into this.

Just outrageous. I'm going to do to you what you did to me here with Drake maybe. What do I want to do here? You're going to probably sure. I want to do 35 plus touchdowns or do I want to do A.J. Brown 10 plus.

All right. I'm going to do A.J. Brown 10 plus receiving touchdowns. I knew I should have taken it. I think that's a really good cop for you. I had it written down. You got a read it. It's not enough to read it right now. Plus 240. There's a world. I hate to say this and there's

an emotional hedge where it maybe throws for 41 touchdowns, 39 touchdowns, and AJ Browns can at least 10 of those plus 240. It's a great bet. I also looked at the 12 touchdowns for this, which I think was, what was that? Like plus 300? Something more. Yeah. Maybe a little higher. Yeah. So you got it plus 125? Plus 240. 10. Plus. Plus 240. Yeah, I get it on.

I wrote down plus 125 for that. I feel like you're cheating. For 10 or for 8? I mean, his over under is like... Did you do 8 or 10? I did 10. 10, okay.

Yeah. All right. Well, then I'm going to have to get you back. Miles Garrett, defensive player of the year, 4 to 1. I know it was on your list because I know it was on your list.

I know you've been looking at it and you've probably bet it in real life. And he will have one of those he's just going to love being center of attention and being in big games. And here's the other thing with this. Because he had 23 seconds. I was looking at his sacks

where he'd have like 14, 15, 17. They're in these games where they're down by 20 points, you know, in the beginning of the third quarter. He, like, when you have something like that and you're up 10 in the fourth quarter when you know the other team is passing all the time, that's when people get sacks.

So he's going to be in these situations that he's been in four times a year, for the last five years. And now it's going to be over and over again where he's going to try to be Marion Rivera in these games. So I feel like he had like 25 sacks this year. That's easily the smartest thing you've said in the last hour. Still trying.

That's good. I didn't realize. Yeah. I mean, how does he get all these sacks for the Browns when the team is just running the ball trying to hold a lead? And he did it anyway. And now it's the opposite. Good job by you.

It's something Lombardi always used to talk about. Like these pass rushes when you have leads, that's when you really want the pass. rush because when you know what the other team's going to do, and you have these teams that have a good pass rush, but their offense sucks and they're down 10, it's like, well, what's the point of having a good pass rush? The other team's running the ball. All right, definitely.

All right. I'm only doing one of these because I lose sleep over these when a team like Detroit or the chiefs doesn't make the playoffs. So I'm taking teams to not advance to the postseason. I'm taking the Colts. I'm taking the Browns. I'm taking the Giants. I'm taking the Cardinals.

and it's only plus 156. I got to tell you something, I'm not worried about any goddamn one of them right the second. Thank you in advance to Danny Dimes and Dart and Deshaun and Jacoby and Gino. Good Lord, those names, plus 156. So Indianapolis is the one that could screw here, probably. There's smart people on the Giants. Smart people on playing for the Giants or on the Fedi.

Stucky was on the Giants, which I was shocked by. Like the big, basically using the new coach theory with the Giants, that Harbaugh, you know, changing, which I love the new coach there. I just don't know if Harbaugh is an upgrade from Brian Dayball in that way. Maybe I'm wrong. Old coach. Yeah. I don't know. You are a member of the New York Giants.

I drive it down Stratis. Their playoff odds went way, way up after that. Okay. Vikings fourth in the NFC North plus. 175 is off the board. I like that. I didn't want to parlay that with anything. That's just a straight up.

I think they're the worst team in the division. I think KOC is an outside chance for first coach. I'm just in disbelief with the love for Kyla Murray. I don't get it at all. We'll see. I'm happy to be wrong. We always need more good quarterbacks. But I just like that team by far the least in that division.

So plus 175 sounds great. Good for you, man. You did it. I have a couple of these. You tip me off to these Team X to have more wins than Team Y. Love these. You know what? Since you did the Vikings, I'll do this too.

Chargers, more wins than the Vikings. Minus 130. I just did the math. I have the Bolts win in the AFC West, and I do not have the Kyla Murray-led Vikings at 500. So there you go. Minus 130. Minutes 1.30.

Chargers more than Vikings. That's a really good one. Okay. I'll keep the momentum going with, what I want to do here. I'll keep the momentum going, 30 second pause. You know what? I don't like your attitude, so I'm going to take Cowboys over 10 and a half plus 500. Take all the time you want.

Plus 500. Is that right? Plus 500. Burning. Burning money. I like this because instead of, betting the division um

betting them to go 11 and 6 they'd win the division but the division odds are plus 170 they go 11 and 6 I get plus 500 for that sign me up why would I not do that instead of betting them on the division

I'd rather have the 5 to 1 11 to 6 11 and 6 I hate this jinks I'm betting your team my team it's never going to work listen we're aligned this year in the Cowboys I have actual money the Cowboys this show. I'm going to be rooting for them to win and you just kind of fucking suck it up and get used

to it. Wow. This is what we're doing. We're both rooting for the Cowboys this year. Maybe you'll be more depressed next Sunday night. We'll both be depressed together. What do you got? Bejohn Robinson. I know you didn't like him. We talked about the Ringer Fantasy draft if you had gotten the two seed or if he had dropped

to you, a number two pick. I took him. Most rushing yards plus 750. He was fourth with 1478 last year behind Taylor, Henry and Cook, all three are older than he is. I think they're going to lean on him a lot. If you're right in Atlanta, can't figure out the quarterback thing, this guy is going to get a lot of carries and he's used

to it. So plus 750 for most yards. I'm going to follow that up with Falcons under five and a half wins plus 190. Wow, been that like 90 seconds since you had been in South pick. Good. Plus 190. Falcons, five and 12 are worse. I think they're, they will have a top five pick next year. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good. All right.

How about this? This is an exact finish parlay. Raiders fourth. Yeah. Why not? Jets third. Already liked that. Cardinals fourth plus 229.

Raiders fourth. Jets third. Cardinals fourth. Plus 229? Who scores? Who screws me there? Honestly, nobody. It's good.

Maybe the Jets. Good, man. that's really good we'll take it I'm going to put Seahawks NFC West plus 210 on the board I just like the odds

I for the life of me do not understand why they are such prohibitive underdogs against the Rams I don't get it I think both teams are probably two of the best

teams in the league but I don't understand why there's a dramatic disparity between the two especially when there's way more room for error with the Rams right

you're talking like seven, eight guys where two go down and it's a different team. They have no depth at all. Yeah. We should be able to bet that week 18 decides it because it always seems to. A little hedge. It's a fun one. Yeah. All right. As long as you have plus 210 on your mind. This is my Falcons,

the Colts under six and a half plus 210. Just don't get. Colts. Colts of mine under six and a half plus two 10. Both of them. No, no, just the Colts. Oh, just the Colts. Yeah. Aren't they regularly seven and a half?

Yeah. Yep. I think so. Yeah. So there you go. Wow. So that's a six and 11. Six and 11.

Did you tell the Bundo you're doing this? Yeah. He endorses it. He covers his eyes and he knows what's coming because that was ridiculous what Daniel Jones did. And I think he's going to have the toughest time coming back from this injury. And then what? Richardson's like third screen.

We're skipping over these injuries, not you and I, but just in general. Everybody is superhuman and just come back right away from ACLs and Achilles. And, you know, Tatum came back for the Celtics. They ramped them up and he missed game seven. Quickly, Houston to win the AFC South. It's still plus 120. I like them so much more than every other team in that division. And really, it would only be Jacksonville, who is coming off, as we discussed in the Over Under pods.

Like, not only is there a regression candidate, but they had an abysmal draft. You know, they lost their first round pick in the Hunter trade. Nobody liked the rest of the guys they took. They lost Travis E.N. And I just think Houston's better than them. So plus 120 sounds fantastic. I'm with you. Can I piggyback a plus 120 Texans bet too?

Yeah, what is it? The Texans to have more wins than the Eagles. I just look at my, I'd see 12 is bigger than nine. And that's it. I think that's, honestly, I think they can win that by two games at least. Oh, man, you're going to be mad at me. I have another one. Houston and Seattle over nine and a half wins each.

It's all right. Tampa over eight and a half wins. Plus 422. I need two 10 and sevens from Houston and Seattle and a nine and eight from Tampa plus 22. Sign me up. Sounds great. I have broken my rule of not putting three teams in a parlay with old runners.

I just did it. You had a really good run. Yeah. You know what? I'm not going to apologize. Not even one commercial break. Nine and a half each and then Tampa over eight and a half. I would honestly be stunned if they couldn't win nine games.

That just means Baker got hurt or their left taco got hurt. I hate to do this as a friend, but I really want to root against Tampa and for Atlanta now so that you hate the NFC South as much as I do. And it's the only way this is going to change. This is the only way I'm going to learn? Yeah. Fair.

All right. What do you got? We're running out yet? because I have a lot more. No, no. I can make another offensive rookie of the year pick too, right? Can I have a couple or just the one? Jacoby Lane on the AFC side.

USC guy, third round pick for the Ravens. Harbaugh never would start these guys. He would like these like not first rounders. He was a third round pick. So he would send them right to the special teams. Right. But he's getting first string reps with Jesse Minther's version of the Ravens. So I think it's worth it at plus 2200,

Jacoby Lane, welcome to team Sal. Plus 2,200 is nice odds. Okay. Man, I have a lot of good ones left. I'm going to do this as a tandem, just because I think it's a tandem bet. So it's two bets, but I like the two as a combo because I think it has to be one of these two teams.

Baltimore, one seed plus 500, Houston one seed plus 750. I think you do both and try to hit one. So basically, if it's one unit each, I'm either out two units or I'm up four units or I'm up six and a half units. But it's basically a bet on Baltimore or Houston will be the one seed.

Fandall, if you want to throw that up as a ringer future bet, knock yourself out. But I think it's those two. I don't see any other team in the AFC having a better record than those two teams. So you're saying the West battles each other. Yeah. their winners 11 games

I think it's probably Baltimore do the same yeah yeah it's basically I like the Baltimore for the once thing because of the schedule with Houston as the hedge plus 750 and that's the move I kind of enjoyed that one yeah that's a good one you took me through it

what do you got next let me do let me do Parker Washington over four and a half touchdown receptions minus 122 you mother I just, I knew you had it, and I think you're going to bid. What do you have for $21 on him in our draft?

I love Parker Washington. Five or more touchdowns, minus 122. Oh, man, that's a really good one. It's minus 122, though? Minus 122. Okay. It's all right. Could afford.

I'll take the other, where's the other Parker? Isn't there Parker Washington? Oh, yeah. I have him a thousand yards. The arts plus 165. Not bad. So we both have Parker Washington Insurance. I thought he was incredible down the stretch last year.

I loved him. It was just he put it together. He was open all the time. Teams knew he was going to get open and then he would get open and Lawrence found him and he's awesome. I think he's the best receiver on that team. Yeah. Just their past game in general is going to be great, I think. All right, emotional hedge here.

Oh, boy. Hertz 10 plus rushing touchdowns plus 145. Hasn't this hit like every year? It did. I don't think it didn't hit last year, right? I'm pretty sure it took a tumble last year because that whole offense was not good. And here I am like singing songs about how, oh, the tush push only worked 64% at a time versus 81%. But he's going to shove it right up my keister now again.

Yeah. Yeah, he had eight last year, 14, 15, 13, and 10 the four years before. They'll hit 10. They're going to play with a little more pace this year, too, it sounds like. Yeah. So would you get for odds for that? Plus 145. 10 or more.

All right. Continuing with my Baltimore theme, last year I hit the coach of the year. And this year, I think I'm going to hit it as well. Jesse Minter. plus 850 for coach of the year. I think it's a good way to bet the one seed with Baltimore, and I probably just should have done that instead of what I did. But they won, I think, either won eight games or nine games last year.

I can't remember. But if they're a 12 or 13 win team, combined with all the stuff we've been reading, which we talked about in the pod last week, about how much the players love him, blah, blah, blah. I just think he's – every year there's a guy that comes in who is the hot assistant who comes in, who comes. comes in and just there's an awesome coach right away.

Two years ago was McDonald. Last year, Ben Johnson, this year it's going to be him. I just, I think it's going to be him. So plus $8.50 for that. That's good one. I have Zach Taylor and you have, so I'll be funny if it's one of those two. You have Zach Taylor with way better juice.

It's stupid, yeah. Dolphin's worst record. Let me just grab this plus 220. You want to win money? How much you want to win, Bill? You want to win $22 million, bet a million on, or $10 million on Dolphins worst. Plus 220.

Way too many young players. Way too much dead cap money. We went over it last week. Disgusting. Sorry, Malik Willis, but this is what it's going to be. That's a good one. It was on my list.

Did I do what? I did Washington under yet? Have I done that? I don't think alone. Yeah. I'm going to do Washington under 5 and a half wins. Plus 220. I just like the value

because I have the Atlanta one that I took earlier that was plus 190 this is plus 220 so basically if one of those hit I'm up right it's basically a Washington or Atlanta two to one odds

that one of them will go five and twelve or worse and I think I honestly think both of them could but yeah plus two to You hate Houses team. Thursday nights are going to be fun. The ironic thing, houses like me, when his team sucks, he'll be the first to tell you. And I think he thinks they're going to suck.

Yeah, it does. Yeah. I just feel like we called the regression last year, right? Then, I don't know. Did you think we should have called this podcast Harlan Cohen's guest aligns? Because it's on Netflix? Oh, interesting. Harlan Coben or Harlan Cohen?

I don't know. Who's the guy that's on? Netflix. Very few people get to put their name in front of the show. Like Tyler Perry gets to do this. Well, it obviously didn't work because you don't know how to say. It's Harlan Coben. Harlan Coben. C-O-B-E-N. Yeah, he puts his name in the front of the shows and they always crush on the streamers.

Interesting. And we could have done Harlan Coben's Guest Alliance year 20. And I wonder if it would have done better on Netflix. Yeah, you're right. I really regret that. Is it too late? Let's put a poll up. See if it's too late. All right. This is a thinker, but Pat's sixth seed is plus a thousand. I like them to make the playoffs.

It's really good. But not win the division. Yeah. I don't think they'll have as many wins. It's the two West teams that make it, but still enough to get to the postseason. I like them, I'm for the seven seed, too. But the six seed is plus a thousand. And I do think you can rack your brain and hedge out of it too, week 18 somehow.

Really smart. I was looking at them at to win the AFCs plus 140 and I was going to do it later but since you just directly attacked me I'm going to do it right now Pat's to win the AFC East plus 140

I said this to you and did the overrunners I have no idea why them in Buffalo don't have the same odds nobody can explain it Buffalo as gamblers as people who think about the lines and the action when something doesn't add up to what it actually should be

just because a team is popular or there's narratives that have nothing to do with the actual thing, that's where you want to be. This Buffalo thing, everybody just has decided Josh Allen is going to win 11 games for the rest of his life. And I think there's some real question marks with them. And for some reason, people have way more question marks with the Pats.

I'm not saying who's right or who's wrong. But I think to me it's either or. They have won 11 games six years in a row, haven't they? I get it. But they just fired their coach. Yeah. And it's like Joe Brady's going to be great. I don't know, is he?

What are your favorite Joe Brady moments? He could be the new Vrabel. Who knows? Maybe. Mike Vrable had won, though. He'd gone to the AFC title game. Well, is that a giant? Who's Joe Brady done?

How big a favorites are they for that? For the division. The Buffalo is a slight favorite for the division. There are a minus and the pats are plus 140. Yeah. I'm saying they should be the same odds, so I'm grabbing the action. Okay. That's fine. What do you got?

Well, I think you have one of these, but you haven't said it yet. And I think if you give this guy protection and let him sling it, then the Chargers end up with 12 wins. That 11 to 1 for Justin Herbert for MVP is a fun bet. Yeah, I like it. I'm too high on the Chargers. Who are you too high on? Ravens? I'm too high on the Chargers.

You know, I was going to be there with you until the center got hurt. And the left guard center, right guard combo, everybody was like, this is going to be abominable. That really scared me. Slater's the key. I have a Herbert one as well that I'm going to get off here. I think it's slightly better odds than what you just did. And it's basically the same bet. Justin Herbert, 4,500 yards.

12 to 1. Oh, yeah. Now, I looked up because I was like, he's throwing for somewhere around there, right? He threw for 5,000 yards once. Yep. 2000, 2020 range. And now McDaniel and they're going to have actually a healthy offensive line. This is one of my favorite bets.

Let me write that to that. What did you say, 4,500 yards, 12 to 1. Yeah, that's great. So you figure he has a 475-yard game and like a 460, right? He'll get close to 1,000. in two games and then the rest like where it's just like a shootout whatever happens and then I just need to keep them healthy

the rest of the way and I'm going to get my 45. I like that. Yeah. I don't like it. You're right. All right. What do I do? So you're going to hate this. Okay. But who do you have for comeback play of the year? Because I have Jaden Daniels a plus 750. Oh, I like it.

It doesn't mean he has to win 12 games. So I've boycott this bet after whatever, when they change the rules about what constituted a comeback, I just got too confused. But you're right. It's probably something like that. Don't we want something to scream about?

Like, yeah. Like this is, they tell you Aaron Donald is not eligible because you can't be retired and come back. And yet he's sitting there as a third favorite, a plus eight fifth. Why can't you be retired and come back? Isn't that the definition of a comeback? I think it is. Football for three years.

And then I came back. Yeah. Guess it's coming back. Aaron Donald. Yeah. I think it counts as a. a comeback. The comeback player?

Yeah. I find it hard to believe Mahomes isn't going to win this unless he goes like seven and 10. Man, he's such a big favorite, though, plus 150. All right. Another favorite of mine. One of my favorite guys in the league, Mallory took him in our ringer fantasy draft right ahead of me.

I was upset about it. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Brock Bowers, 1,000 yards, plus 135. That's good. Couple things for this. One, when he's actually healthy, he gets between 90 and 130 yards. That's one. Two, there's always less late games and you need stuff to root for in the late games. And most of the time, it's these two shit teams playing each other that you can't believe you bet on the game. Right. It's really fun. I just root for Brock Bowers to make catches, right? That's two.

Three, their receivers are other than maybe Miami, the worst receivers in the league. But Miami doesn't have anyone like Brock Bowers. like Kubiak even said he had a quote last week about what's that guy's name, Jack Beck? Yeah. Bash, yes. Jack Bash Harvey say it. And they asked Kubiak like, has anybody stood out so far in the receiver room? And he was like, nope. He's like, the answer is no, they have not.

So. Trey Tucker, whatever Tucker, yeah. But Bowers, I just think as long as he doesn't get hurt, and that's the problem with all these, but how does he not get a thousand yards? And we might play 12 games and get a thousand yards. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's a good one. Yeah, because Kubiak and they work well together.

Kubiak and cousins traditionally. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to write that. What do you got? What do you got it right? I just did Bowers. All right, Bill's more wins than the Chiefs minus 120.

Could be a lot more, but I have it 11 to 10. And again, Bill's 11 plus wins six years in a row. that's minus minus 120. Minus 120. Okay. I had a bunch of over the chiefs bets I wanted to do and I got psyched out. You did? I did.

I did. I just, I think the chiefs, I don't think they have the talent. I don't think they're going to be good. And yet I don't want to bet against them because the legal will be so invested in trying to get them to 10 wins and trying to get them to be good. And I just, I don't want to be on the other side of that. Just been burned by them over the. the years. Okay. I'm almost out of things. You want to just feed round five more each? I have more each. What do you want? Well, I'm running out of ones I really like, but one of them is

bears over nine and a half wins plus 120. Okay. 10 and 7 I win. And I still, I'm still a fan. The regression and the harder scheduled thing. I just think that team has a lot of talent, and I really believe in Ben Johnson. As we. We talked about in the overrunners last week. I think he is a top five, six, seven coach in the league. And I find out of believe he's going to go nine and eight with the weapons that they have. I don't see it. It's a good one.

It's a good one. Caleb Downs, defensive rookie of the year plus 700. Have to have it. Have to have it on my ledger. God bless this kid. Already a great leader. Maybe the best leader we've ever had through three preseason games. Such a home run pick.

The Giants passed on him, right? They took the linemen. Yeah, well, they got, yeah. So they, right, they went the other way with it, yeah. Just a huge mistake. Just show them up. Did we do a Buka 1,000 yards at plus 150 yet? I don't think we did.

No. Yeah, I'm taking it. I mean, he almost had this in half the season last year. He's going to have to do it. I have a lot of, now I know exactly what your fantasy team is going to look like Tuesday. I'm off for value, and I don't understand who else is catching a thousand yards on that team out of all the receivers they have when Mike Evans isn't on the team anymore.

You're going to have Baker and all his receivers. You know and mention one. Sounds great. I'll take all of them. You're not going to have any Falcons. You're going to have Brock Bowers. Yeah. How about Stafford most passing yards plus 500?

Ooh. Why not? MVP, you know, gets rid of the ball in like a second and a half. I know I went against myself with Puka under, but, you know, they throw it to like three tight ends. Throw the running backs. Yeah.

I'm going to do another David Montgomery bet because for some reason you left me both of the good ones. David Montgomery, eight touchdowns. Just eight minus one or two. That's better. Eight rushing, right?

rushing. Yeah. I think it's just touchdowns. is it? I thought it was touchdowns. Either way, I'll take it at 8 minus 102. All right. Here we go.

Who's going to tap out? We forgot to call this the Fogu to Chow draft. You got the second. Tap out. Daniel Jones under 18.5. Touchdown passes. Plus 1.2. You get a plus number for that.

Daniel Jones. I don't think he's good for won a game. under 18 and a half touchdowns. It plays 13 games. It's going to have to get like one to half a game. What are the odds on that? Plus 102. It's right there.

So, you know, my dad has six brothers and sisters. Yeah. Michael Chuck, who's been topic of a lot of conversation over the years. Love Uncle Chuck. Great athlete. Quirky. One of the things with Chuck eats a lot. goes out to dinner,

overeats. A combination of Brad, but also like a golden retriever. Like if you just left too much food out and can't stop eating and then is sick. Right. Stayed with my dad last month. When he stays over,

he needs a chair in his bedroom that he can sit in because routinely he eats too much and he can't lie down so he has to get up and he wants to sit in a chair so he can digest better. So when he comes,

they have to make sure there's a chair in there. What? And so they went, they took him like Abe and Louise or something when he was in town. He ate way too much. And my daughter was with them too, watching him just in disbelief how much he was eating.

Like it was house seat style. And then the next day he's like, yeah, I had to sleep in the chair. Uncle Chuck. Holy shit. He's my hero. We're going to make the t-shirts.

The chair. So he starts in the bed. or he starts in the chair. He starts in the bed, but it's like eventually knows he has to end up in the chair. Oh, this is Brad. This is our friend Brad.

Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. This is like house happening to go in the phone booth that time that had no phone. He's just sitting in the phone booth in Portland. Uncle Chuck. Fly him out, please.

All right. Last one. Last couple. Well, then we're going to do a Super Bowl, right? All right, I'll do one more. Yeah, yeah. Oh, am I up? You at Daniel Jones is your last one.

Yeah. Okay. So I will bang out. man, I really did everything. I did everything I wanted to do except for... Come on. Uncle Chuck's waiting. It's getting sleepy.

Yeah, I think I'm tapping out. Really? I think I'm down in a Super Bowl pick. All right. Oh, yeah, I'm tapping out. Oh, I'll do... I'll take a flyer. No, I'm out.

Oh, did we do price for offensive rookie of the year? You did 700 yards or something. Yeah. I'll do, I'll do price offensive rookie of the air plus $650. I'm not doing either Cleveland receiver. I looked at that long and hard. I got excited about Boston.

I actually had that bet. They're going to have four times. Yeah, the quarterback thing is a disaster. Yeah. I'm trying to think if there's another category we missed completely, but we're good, right? Yeah, we're good. Do your Super Bowl pick.

What is it? Well, my Super Bowl pick is the Rams over bills at plus 350. Rams over bills And if it turns out to be the exact score Which I have it as when it will 3116 pays 50,700 No I made that up but 3116 Rams beat the bills In SOFI this year

And what are the odds if that happens Plus 30-50 Plus 30-50 So basically 30 to 1 Yeah bills finally get there What are you going with? Don't say the Patriots come on I feel like you've picked the bills

To win the Super Bowl I know, at least four times. And when you think about it, there's no dumber pick than picking the bills when they've never won a Super Bowl. They're so close. I did it last year. And then it's the playoffs,

and Josh Allen's overthrowing somebody in the end zone and the bill of Juju come back. And it's like, why is anyone betting on this? Like, if it happens, it happens. But we shouldn't be something you put money on, but we can't resist. Well, this could be a good hedge if they make it to the championship game,

which they didn't, well, they didn't do that last year. either. I don't know. One of these years. My Super Bowl pick is Seattle over Houston, Seattle going back to back. It's plus 5340. So it's basically 54 to 1 odds. Wow. I normally avoid the back-to-back Super Bowl champ. The lack of respect for Seattle, this whole offseason, has been truly breathtaking. And if there's ever a team that can be the nobody believes in us, back-to-back Super Bowl champ. I think we found it.

People don't believe in Sam Darnold. Even you guys are talking about the NFC West thing. Like he led the division interceptions last year. Are we sure he was even that good in the playoffs? Are we sure the running backs are good? Kubiak, now that he's in Vegas, are they going to be able to run the ball? Their defense is worse.

Schedule's harder. The Rams are a super team. This is that nobody believes in us. Like, Schmorgasbord. is that they're completely disrespected. They won the title last year. Even the Super Bowl, even the line for week one was disrespectful. Three and a half

playing a team they killed in the Super Bowl eight months ago. It's because it's Sam Darnel. I mean, let's face it, right? You think that's it? What quarter? Yeah, of course. Because you wouldn't be shocked after saying all that. And I pose this to the Ring of Wise guys. If he had like 22 interceptions. And by the way, his interceptions went up last year from the year before.

I think he plays worst defenses this year on paper. But are you going to be shocked if he'd becomes like the Sam Donald of the Jets or like a little worse? I don't know. It's more of a bet for me on McDonald's. And the fact that he just might be 2000s Belichick again. This team, even the games they lost, they almost won't.

You know, dating back to like a year and a half. And I just, I love that everybody does not believe in them. It fits my profile. Boy, I can't even tell who you're going to root for on Wednesday. So what was your favorite of that? That's not funny. What was your favorite of all your things? We did like almost 80, it feels like.

The first one, the Jets. Isn't that sick? Not disgusting that the Jets to come in thirds. My favorite after all this. I think my favorite is Houston and Seattle, both to make the playoffs plus 112. But I also really like Falcons to offense. The first two I took,

the fourth place plus 343. Yeah, your favorite has to be the NFC South. Yeah. All right. That's really fun. Just so people know the plan. We give these out on Netflix, and then we jump in your 2002 Dodge Intrepid, and we drive to the Kentucky, Tennessee border,

and we place these bets, and then we drive back hopefully in time for Pat's Seahawks kickoff. We do that with Harlan Coben. And with Harlan Coben. The three of us, it's going to be his next movie. We do everything by the book. You're going to wear a seatbelt, everything. I've been wearing a seatbelt for the last month.

I'm still unclear why people, made people so upset. Like, if I had said I was smoking 10 cigarettes a day, would that people make people more or less upset than the seatbelt? I think it's right up there. Let's take Baby Doll, for instance.

I think this is something I could see Baby Doll, our agent, our crazy agent doing, not you. And by the way, you throw out there that you can't see, your freaking Helen Keller, you're not able to see it. No, I can see far. I can't see close. I see far great. Isn't the windshield close?

Like, yeah. There's shit that goes on. That's close. Thanks for making it worse. You're using it now. It's good. Today's parent corner, I'm squinting, is brought to you by Instagram. Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections on by default.

Built in content settings for the content teens can see, and I can't see. Contact limits for who can contact them and time management tools like daily time limits and sleep mode. My left eye is so dry. Teens are automatically placed in the teen account. and teens under 16 will need a parent's permission to change any of these settings to be less strict. Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features

to help create age-appropriate experiences. I'm so glad they're doing this. I think I read that correctly. I think it's like five minutes. You're like, so hold on, we got to do, it was Instacart. I read it wrong. It's interstellar.

I don't know. Was it? Instagram. No, it was Instagram. I got that right. Okay, you're up first. All right. All right, I have two beach stories with the summer officially wound down here.

So last week, my youngest 12-year-old, Harris-O and I, we're going to go to the beach. I'm like, we're running out of days here. So he brings his surfboard. We stop at the convenience store, get some fruit, sandwiches, chips, drinks in heaven. We walk down to the beach. I lay it all out on the blanket. I'm like, let's eat first, and then we'll go in the sea, and it'll be great. And he says, he's like, no, no, no, I got to go.

I got to go. The waves are good. They could go away. Like, they go away. He's like, yeah, it really could get less. And, you know, it could be shorter ways. I'm like, all right, fine. So now all the food's out.

And I'm like recording him. He's like, get it. Actually catching a couple. And I'm getting some good shots. And then someone sets up a blanket right in front of me. And so now I can't record. So I have to walk down and record him. I just want a minute of him.

And then I'll walk back. So I'm recording him. And I just happened to look back. And there were 30 effing seagels on our blanket. And they just, devoured everything. The sandwiches, the chips, and I go running up there like I'm a madman.

They took the tub of watermelon, which is heavy for a bird. These scumbag rat birds took everything, everything, everything. And a half hour later, Harrison comes out of the ocean. I'm like, well, we got some bad news. I'm like, the food has got. He's like, well, how much?

I'm like, all of it. Literally all of it. Yeah, yes, all of it. There's a little scrap of lettuce on the blanket, but a single will be there in a minute. to get there. All right. So that's that story.

Can I interrupt you quick on that? Yeah. Yeah. That was my fault. Completely my fault. Nothing cute about kids or any. What does seagulls bring to the table? No, I know.

It's kind of an underrated, they don't get enough scorn bird. I feel like. Awful. Who has a good seagull story? Anyway, keep going. I have a good one. My father hated him so much.

He would maybe plant Alka-Seltzer on the blanket. Yeah. He's a bad dude. Poof. Not good for Seagles. Oh, my God. Read the back of the probably shouldn't have said that.

Anyways, we're not live. I know. Okay. All right. Okay, so fast forward, another beach story to a couple days ago, our friend Brad. How would you describe

for our first time Netflix? Actually, he's been on Netflix. He was in that hitchhiker, that hatchet-wielding hitchhiker thing. Spent on this pod with us. He's been, we've done stuff for them. Go back and listen. He's just a crazy person.

He fled. He joined the Navy to escape paying gambling debts. He doesn't have a nervous system, I think, would be the best way to describe him. That's good. The way he is day to day, to day, hour, hour, minutes, a minute, is like, if somebody came in right now and

threw fireworks into the studios, I was doing the pod, and I jumped up because I was scared, right? That's kind of him all the time. Exactly. say. And he's loud and he's boisterous and he's very confident, right? Very confident. It'll go after you. A lot of opinions. The draft's going to be fun with him just going after. So anyway, all right. So he's come,

I have custody of him for a couple days when Kimmel's on hiatus and he comes out here and he's like, I only want to go to the beach. So you would think if he only want to go to the beach, he would bring a bathing suit. But being 53 years old and having lived here a couple decades, he doesn't own a bathing suit. So I have to lend him a bathing suit. Yeah. Oh, no. Burn that thing. Yeah, that's it. So I lend him to burn him and the seagulls at the same time.

Yeah. I lend him a bathing suit. I don't expect to see it again. So he goes right for the ocean when we get there. And he is getting pounded. He is getting slammed to shit by the waves. And he's screaming at the waves while he's getting slammed. He's like, turn it off.

Turn it off. Like a lot of it is for show. But he's also getting like throwing around. And he also doesn't know how to, like the drawstring is a far. concept to him. He just puts it on. I guess he's never had a bathing suit before. And so when he's getting hit by the waves, his, my bathing suit is immediately coming down. So he's nude and he's screaming in the ocean and onlookers watching from the beach. The reaction range from somewhere between thoroughly amused and considering pressing charges. And so after, I'm not getting like 20 minutes

of this. My son Jack comes up to me. He's like, hey, I think we should get him out. I'm like, all right, let's get him out. I'm on the thoroughly amused side. But let's get him out. Now, as I'm coming out. We should mention you're also videotaping this. Yes. I'm going to have to get video later. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I sent it to you. And like the lifeguard walks up, too, and he's like, hey, should you get him out? Like, he's asking me if I should get him out. Like, this is a situation like he should probably be in there, but he doesn't want to touch Brad. And so I'm going to us to pull him out. He's like, oh, what are you doing?

What are you doing? And I pull him out. I'm like, you're nude. You're screaming. You're a menace. I have to get you out. And he's like, motherfucker. just having fun out there.

I'm like, having fun. You're dying. Then the lifeguard thought he was drowning, right? Yeah, the lifeguard's like, hey, go get him. He's drowning. It's not a lifeguard thing to do. Anyway, that's that. We've watched the Raygun documentary and that was my fourth son.

I mean, here's the thing. He can't keep his normal pants on. Everyone in LA has seen his butt crack for 23 years. So putting a bathing suit on him, I don't know how tight the jar string would have to be. It's true. Yeah. I should have duct taped it to him.

Yeah. Yeah, you might have or do the thing where they painted it on. Well, it's his now. So you can figure it out. Brad. I have two stories, both about walks. I went back to Boston for my daughter's first two games. Walking to the game.

And it's kind of like drizzling a little bit. We're walking through the city. and I'm walking with my daughter's already there I'm walking with her boyfriend the famous Hank and my son Ben and I feel like this thing hit my head

which I thought was water but I was like man that felt heavy pull my head up and it's a giant green bird shit that's just a clump and I throw it down so now it's on my hand I'm wiping on the thing

but then and Ben and Hank are horrified but I'm like no no this is good luck this is good luck this is a big Italian thing. I wrote about this in 2004 when the Red Sox that whole playoff run,

I got shit on by a bird and I didn't wash the shirt because it was good luck and I have a whole column about it. So I was since like, this is great luck. There's no way Zoe's not scoring tonight. Wish we could have bet on it,

but they don't have a lot of D3 women's soccer. But anyway, she did score. It was a good start for the season. I get to the game and people are like, hey, Bill. And I'm like, Don't shake my hand. Hold on. I got burned. I walked like an extra 15 yards. So anyway,

that was one. The other one is go to Fenway with my dad and my son and Hank. And my dad takes an Uber. He meets us there. And then we're going to walk back to his place after, which I would say is a 25-minute walk. We leave Fenway. They get killed by the Mariners. It was the one good game. The Mariners have played probably in 10 days. And I want to mention just as an aside, I hate the Mariners with the passion of seven hells. Wow. We have so many of them on our fantasy team. Kate Anderson, who they yanked around forever, finally brought up, and now he's not

even doing as well as we thought. George Kirby, who I would rather quit fantasy baseball than have him again. Josh Naylor, who's been pretty good this year and limp through, it just didn't run out a double play where the guy, the second baseman bobbled the ball, throws it, and somehow they still get Josh Naylor in the double play. because the whole team has quit on the manager. And then Munoz, the best closer, Nail, who's blown nine saves this year. And every time he comes in, he throws 100 miles an hour and people just hit it everywhere.

I hate this team. I can't even imagine how Mariners feel. I don't know why they haven't fired Dan Wilson, except there's a theory that they want the Mariners. They want the Barrettors fans to feel happy after the year. So they're saving the Dan Wilson firing. Anyway, we lose to the fucking Mariners. And we're leaving Fenway.

and my dad's like, we should take a cab. Now, it's like this huge mass of people. And we're like, no, we'll walk slow. Ask this guy, there's a cab driver there. It's like how much we tell the address? He's like, 35. I'm like, we're not paying 35 to go. It's a short walk.

Dad, he'll be fine. We're walking. He starts complaining halfway through. My dad's 78. He's doing the, I'm 14 months till being 80. We stop at one intersection. He puts his hand on the meter. Then he says he has a pulled groin.

He's like, I pulled my groin. my groin a few months ago. So now we're arguing about it's pulled groin on the intersection. Hey, pulled groin, how? You're playing pickleball? Get to the house. He's completely wiped out. And then the next day, he's supposed to go to the

museum with Ben and Bales because he was still worn out from the Fenway Park 25-minute walk, which we then argued about for the rest of the way. And he's like, you should be more supportive. I have a pulled groin. And I guess this is just what our relationship is

going to be like with our parents for the rest of our lives. I am a thousand percent on his side with this. With the 25 minute walk? 25 minute walk. First of all, that doesn't even count. All the meatheads who are going to approach you. Yeah, I love what you do, man. Hey, you know what you should do?

You should talk about it. When Tatum and then Brown and like, oh, how do you even deal with that for 25 minutes? $35. Who would have, who cared? I thought you were going to say it was like, like, it was a nice day. It was a nice, nice, nice walk. Everyone's going slow anyway. So now you agree with that.

Seventy-old. Wow. I didn't even know he had a pulled groin. So now I felt like I was like an elder abuser. Yeah. Yeah, then he wouldn't go to the museum the next day. Wow. That sucks.

And then I should mention during Power Corner, we have a new strategy with my mom. Yeah. Because you'll know this because the Italian side, they want to be invited, but they never want to come. Oh, yeah. So we now call my mom every time we're doing anything because she'll turn it down,

but then she feels like we thought about her and we asked her. Like, do you want to go to this Labor Day party tonight? Starts at 6 o'clock. There's no way she's going. But now she feels like, oh, they thought of me. They were nice stuff to invite me.

And you somehow win points, inviting them to do something they'll never do. I know you identify with this. Right. That's good, of course. Are you making her walk? Is that why she's ever going? My mom walks every day.

My mom was outraged that my dad wouldn't, he was like, this is why we got divorced. That's why. See, that's going to be mad at me. I don't know. I love it.

Like short, slow 25 minute walk. Yeah. 78. Yeah. I mean, you power walk through the Sistine Chapel. I mean,

it's just a foreign concept to you. When we went to the Red Sox game, I didn't see him on the injury report. Like shouldn't they put questionable? Questionable. You took your mariner's frustration out on a 78 year old man, Very sad. One other thing on Fenway Park, they have the Fenway Frank, which is delicious.

But they also have the jumbo Fenway Frank. It's like a fatter, better one. I think it's the best hot dog of any stadium. It's really delicious. And they have the spicy brown mustard too. I just, I forgot. Oh, they do have it? Okay.

So I think they're like one of four parks that have the spicy brown. There must have been a lawsuit there somewhere because Cityfield has it. Dodger Stadium does not. Yeah, they only have like the gross yellow mustard. They're yellow. For seven-year-old kids, the yellow mustard. Can we make this a passion thing for us for the rest of the year is to push for more spicy brown mustard? It's like, that's what goes with a hot dog.

Of course. The only thing I could think is there was a lawsuit. Someone burnt their tongue or some idiot complained and that was that. Oh, like it was too spicy? Yeah. So just make a nice spicy yellow. Yeah. I just forgot how good that jumbo dog is.

It was great. Had a great time. Anyway, that is a parent corner for us. It was brought to you by Instagram. Instagram, Instagram teen accounts come with automatic protections that limit who can contact teens, the content they can see in the time they spend on the app. Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at Instagram.com slash teen accounts.

I pulled that off. Comes with automatic erections. Protection. Damn it. I can't read. I screwed up again. Oh, man. All right, that's it.

We did it. Let me say one thing. I won't get us in trouble. but with the Hank thing. And I just, I'm not going to get us in trouble here. But you went, the lengths you went through to get rid of your daughter's boyfriend, it was that, it was Tony Spino-esque. I can't believe it.

No, I feel the opposite. I love Hank. I didn't want to put Hank in jeopardy. He fell for it, hook line. So you think it was that Tony Soprano move? Really was. I mean, he's got a work release. He has to get out for three hours to go to a Red Sox game with you.

It's very sad. Listen, it was a very funny bit on the podcast last week and probably colored my opinion on whether it should stay because we're always going to go for the comedy first. This week, you're going to get in trouble because your dad was feeding alcohol salts or to Seagulls. This is just how it's going to go. You fed your dad to the Seagles, making it walk.

Apparently, I did. His mystery pulled grid. People already mad at me. They say I instigated that whole Hank story, and I feel like I run interference on some. of your controversial decisions. Remember when you, at the time you wanted to come out

and brag about tossing your jury summons in the trash? And I'm like, don't, don't do it. You're going to get in trouble. And you know, like,

yeah, you made that up. You made that up. That's it for Harlan Cobbins. Guess the lines? Year 20. Check that out. Thanks,

Eduardo and Chris and Gahow and Jack and everybody at Spotify. Jack Wilson, just a complete maniac, runs production for us. And just went in on Went in today. Just wanted to make sure everything goes right.

He did? Where are you going? He went into work to help produce this. Oh, neither of us are there. And then thanks to, thanks to everybody who voted on the polls. Thanks to everybody who's sending Milback. So when we come back on Sunday,

it will be after Cowboys Giants. It will either be both of us happy because we have Cowboys bets. Yeah. Or Crestfallen Sal and me screaming at you. Why did you let me bet on the Cowboys? Come on, don't screw me. Give me one week of pure joy.

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And their dedication to supporting veterans and their families from coast to coast to coast. Celebrate this enduring legacy. Find the 100th anniversary of the Royal Canadian Legion $2 coin today. Going on vacation? We're here for it. With kids who turned the backseat into a courtroom drama over whose tablet is louder, whose charger is faster,

and while watching the same cartoon for the hundredth time is a human right? Yep, we totally have vehicles to handle that. Because whether it's a road trip or a business trip, where your flight's delayed, Your phone's at 2% and your dinner is whatever is open. Yeah. Here for that, too. Enterprise.

We're here for it.