The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Week 10 With Cousin Sal (Ep. 283)

Episode Date: November 6, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the lowlights of the NFL weekend (6:00), Sal's fantasy mishaps (14:00), Eagles-Chiefs (24:00), the Cardinals' playoff chances (28:00), the end of Eli Manning (35:00), Steelers-Colts (40:00), Chargers-Jaguars (45:00), Dolphins-Panthers (54:00), and another rousing edition of "Parent Corner" (57:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast and the Ringer Podcast Network brought to you by SeatGeek, our presenting sponsor. Hey, Wizards fans, Nuggets fans, Knicks fans, rejuvenated Knicks fans, you all have home games on Tuesday night for $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase on NBA tickets. Use promo code BSNBA. Go see Porzingis, people in New York. It's happening. It's all real. Download the SeatGeek app or go right to SeatGeek.com. Also brought to you by Bluehost, a top-rated website provider powering over 2 million websites for bloggers and small business owners. Don't let yourself be limited by templates. It's

simple enough for beginners, powerful enough for even the most advanced users. Right now, our listeners save 50% when you sign up at Bluehost.com slash Bill Simmons. Again, Bluehost.com slash Bill Simmons. Again, Bluehost.com slash Bill Simmons. Sal is here. He hosts the Against All Odds Gambling Podcast, which I listened to last week. Your friends are degenerates.

I don't think the degenerate trifecta is even a fair enough name for them. It seems like they should be something worse. Don't forget about TheRinger.com. Every Friday I have a column. This week, last Friday, I wrote about quarterback names and whether Blake Bortles is screwed just because his name is Blake Bortles. Sal, what do you think of that? You think quarterback names matter?

I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the column. Do you think a quarterback is screwed with the wrong name? I think. Could you have been a quarterback with Sal Iacono hard to spell? Colt McCoy should be better. Ben Roethlisberger should be worse. I agree 100%.

Okay. I got a good email from somebody who was saying how college names are different. Oh, so Colt McCoy is a good college. But who's the Baker guy? Front of the Night Lights, Baker Mayfield. Yeah, like he might not be a good NFL quarterback, but Baker Mayfield's great. Interesting. Johnny Manziel, Colt McCoy.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You have an opinion on that that I think it's right let's agree that Mitch Trubisky doesn't work in college or the NFL it's Mitchell Mitchell I'm sorry Sam Darnold coming up Sal and I are going to recap a devastating game on weekend but, Pearl Jam. All right, Sal, since our last podcast, Deshaun Watson went out for the year. After we raved about him for 10 minutes.

The Patriots traded the most handsome quarterback of all time,immy garoppolo got a second round pick the browns botched a trade for aj mccarron that they apparently didn't call in in time i'm not sure what happened there i bet they might try to sabotage it miami traded jay ajay to the eagles because adam gaze wants his type of guy he wants hard-working guys in there, and they still lost. That's a good message. Good message. You're not going to work hard. You're going to go to a Super Bowl contender.

Right, with a much better offensive line. We're going to teach you. Same thing, Leonard Fournette, benched. Missed some stuff. Missed a rehab thing. Missed a meeting. Team picture. Missed team picture.

That was it. What do you do if someone misses the ring or team picture? I tweeted. We've had a lot of problems with Shea Serrano. You have? Last few weeks. Yeah. I mean, we had to, you know, he berated Tate the last time they were there.

He called him a snake. Oh, yeah. The Rams are now a Super Bowl contender. That happened. Andrew Luck's out for the year. Jameis Winston might as well be out for the year. This is all stuff that's happened in the last seven days. I didn't even mention us losing every

bet we made this year. That's a lot. I'm thinking Wincing is a good name for Jameis. Because every time he goes back to pass, he's Wincing. Jameis Wincing. And every time he goes past the pass, anyone who's bet on him is Wincing. Did you see the viral clip of him getting the teammates fired up

with eating his fingers? Eating his fingers. It ends up being a W. Good stuff. It was a W, all right. It wasn't a W that went for win. I don't know what they're supposed to make of that. I really don't.

David from Flemington, New Jersey sent, we talked about Scam Newton and Flat Ryan and these dumb monikers that sports radio hosts do. He suggests Phlegm Roethlisberger, Whack Prescott, Flake Bortles, Bitch Trubisky, Philip Quivers, and Arson Palmer. Quivers. I like Arson Palmer. Arson Palmer's great.

It's a good one. So, yeah. That's really good. That does look good. What was your low light of the weekend? I don't know. There's so many. We bet these MMA parlays. We get an Ohio State money line. I don't know. Where's so many. We bet these MMA parlays.

We get an Ohio State money line. I don't know. Where do you want to go? We had two people that I trusted more than anyone. My buddy, Jeff Gallo, who always has great UFC advice. Every pick he gave us was wrong. And then Lombardi, who was a house of fire last few weeks, goes into this week and he had some weird picks.

Right. I had, on thursday night i texted him and i was like i'm leaning toward i'm gonna take the panthers the rams and an eagle seahawks team so i would have gone two in one and he's like i like these five teams it was like everybody that i was the opposite on i'm like oh my god i'm so skid lombardi and he was just he he was finally due for a bad week we should have shorted him but and it had nothing to do with him it was just due sure and if you read your column and i was discussed with you, I was like, we didn't like much this week.

No, we didn't. We really didn't. We told each other, let's stay away. This is bad. We don't need much. I like the Panthers only because it didn't make any sense. They traded Benjamin. They seemed out of sorts.

Atlanta needed it more, I thought. But then that game starts, and you think Atlanta, it's 10-0. Cam's making faces. Oh, they're driving down the field. Yeah. Julio's open every0. Cam's making faces. Julio's open every play. Really weird game. Really weird game.

We should have just stayed with it. And then something happens. Sunday morning happens. Ertz isn't playing and all of a sudden we like Denver. Who else? We like the Bucs. Oh, they're getting seven, seven and a half in New Orleans. This is where they turn around. I somehow stayed away from the Bucs, even though I stared at it.

It's unbelievable how you convince yourself, though, of these things. Oh, yeah. Well, you know what happened? I blamed Daylight Savings. Oh. Because you had the extra hour. I really felt like I watched an incredible amount of pregame. More laughing than ever in the pregame this year.

Fox is just, Bradshaw's just laughing. I think it's almost like they've CGI'd him. He's like this human laugh track. Yeah, when those guys get an extra hour of sleep, it's all that's rough, too. But that extra hour, you just start talking yourself into stuff. I finally texted you, and I was like, I think I want to do an Eagles-Seahawks thing.

I think the Eagles... Brock Osweiler, why are we overthinking this? He's terrible. Never thinking Seattle was going to be the one that screwed. But it was one of those games like Blair Walsh misses a field goal. Seattle's up 2-0. Any time a team's up 2-0, it's like getting the dealer's ace of blackjack. You're just like, this is going to go badly.

You had Blair Walsh on your fantasy team, which I thought you bet on him and you had him on a fantasy. Zero points. Is that the worst pickup, free agent pickup of the year? I picked him up last week. Seattle, home, the kick will get six, seven points. It was bad. I'm going to give you a stat

right now. It's going to make you sick. Do we have a barf bag here, Tate? Yeah, I'll go find one. Bill's going to go crazy here. The last three weeks, only one seven-plus point favorite has lost on the field. The one we wagered on? Three weeks. All we do is bet money line

favorites and parlays and teasers and everything else. I want to trash the Seahawks for about three minutes because they ruined my Sunday and they hurt my feelings. Go ahead. So, first of all, Tate's right. Don't pick up the guy who's the worst lowest moment of his career

was when he missed the easiest chip shot field goal that anybody has missed to knock their team out of the playoffs. He did it in their stadium, and now he's on their team, which is weird. It would be like the Mets signing Bill Buckner in 87 and being like, you're our new first baseman. We could use him right now. Yeah, okay. That was the most poorly coached, sloppiest, worst clock management, dumbest penalties. I've never seen anything like it.

They had 16 penalties. I mean, the Skins are trying to put it away in the last five minutes. The Seahawks used no timeouts. They're just letting it go. Then they finally get the ball back. Oh, they were about to get the ball back at like 250. They let 20 seconds run off before they call a timeout. A timeout, yeah.

Get the ball back. They complete one play, two-minute warning. I mean, it was just terrible. And on top of it, all the points they gave away on field goals, they go up four with like a minute and a half left. They go for the two-point. Why do teams do this? This drives me crazy.

Why? I got in a Twitter war with people. I told people to unfollow me. I was going crazy about this. You have to get to 15 to 10. 16 to 10 does nothing. You're not banking on the other team missing the extra point. Did you hear what the announcer said?

They were like, whoa, if they get it to six, they have a chance to block the extra point. What are the odds of that? Who blocks an extra point? Yours is the bad kicker, not the extra point. Did you hear what the announcer said? They were like, whoa, if they get it to six, they have a chance to block the extra point. I'm like, who did the answer that? Who blocks an extra point? Yours is the bad kicker, not the other guy. It's like- How about this? Just go up five.

Also, you just almost had a two-point conversion run back for two the other way. Well, that was another terrible thing they did. Just a minute ago. Right. Of course. Carroll, he should just give up inside the five-yard line. He has such bad luck inside the five. He should just turn it off.

But it's the other thing. They ran the Malcolm Butler play twice. Right. right how about this take that play out of your playbook it's the it's you have that you have the haunted vikings kicker you have to go up 15 10 you you have to because then that for the very reason that happened the redskins score make it 17 what 14 should have been 15 if they kick the extra point and the guy's gonna make the extra point don't worry you can't you can't like yeah look if they clock the ball with two seconds left on a gram completion at the 30 they're gonna try a field goal they're not gonna go for the hell mary there so that i mean that was 17 15 yet another horrible play wilson completes a pass 20 seconds left

they're in field goal range runs up just just down it if it is down right it's first down goes for another play. You need three plays anyway. Instead, he does this haphazard, hikes it, and they attack him. That's when he got sacked. Yeah. Just spike the ball. You have 19 seconds left.

You're in field goal range already. You're Russell Wilson. And the announcers are like, this is how they got there. This is what the Seahawks do. This is how they got there. The announcers just blow Russell Wilson the whole game. Russell Wilson is treated like this exalted figure. Meanwhile, how many guys did he under throw in that game?

Oh, I know. Like five? How many wide open guys did he have where he just hung up these passes that the D-backs were able to come back for? The Redskins could have had seven interceptions in that game. It seems like both teams were kind of going through the motions and just wanted to get us to the last three minutes. It was horrible.

Washington had nobody on offense. They had no offensive line. Their D was good, though. And I got scared when I saw D'Angelo Hall. Very good. Norman's back. All of a sudden, it was like, oh, this is going to be harder than I thought for the Seahawks offense.

Pressure on them. Obviously, offensive line's bad. Terrible running backs. Does anybody have worse running backs than the Seahawks? No. No they put pressure on them. Obviously, offensive line's bad. Terrible running backs. Does anybody have worse running backs than the Seahawks? No. No. They just, like, they were so... No, enough with Eddie Lacy.

I don't even know what they're doing anymore. It's weird, though. People, everybody just says, like, point blank, Pete Carroll's one of the best three coaches. And that might have been true. But the team I watched yesterday was incredibly sloppy and really poorly coached, I thought. And they're very, very lucky to be 5-3.

Like that Cooper Cup, their one Cooper Cup catch away. If he makes that catch, they're out of first place. How about this? They beat the Niners 12-9. Where's a good win on their schedule? How about this? They have none. How about this?

They're up four with a minute and a half left at home where nobody can hear anything. And Cousins, incomplete first down, whatever happens. How about this? They're up four with a minute and a half left at home where nobody can hear anything. And Cousins, incomplete first down, whatever happened. Second down, just chucks it up. Guy's wide open, 30 yards down the field. He catches it. Next play, another guy wide open. Great catch.

That was spectacular. But why are people getting behind the defense? They're up four. You put everybody in front of them. That was really, really horrible. It's not your grandfather Seahawks. This team might be tough to make the play. I don't know.

I don't know if they're making it. Who do you have for your six playoff teams in the NFC? Who are the guaranteed playoff teams? Are the Vikings a guaranteed playoff team? Eagles, definitely. Eagles, definitely. I would say Rams with their schedule. Oh, Rams, yeah.

Yeah, they're in. And then... Hold on. Here's what we got for the Rams. Home for Houston. I would say Rams with their schedule. Oh, Rams, yeah. Yeah, they're in. And then... Hold on. Here's what we got for the Rams. Home for Houston. Two from the NFC South, right? Rams, definitely. Rams and Eagles, definitely.

The Rams are definitely a playoff team. Oh, yeah. Wow. They could be 8-1. How about this? Rams, Houston this week, they catch another team that doesn't have a quarterback. I mean, the Rams are good, but they're also catching all these teams that have just lost the best player on the team.

At Minnesota, they're not going to have a quarterback then. Home for New Orleans. At Arizona, they're missing their quarterback. Home for Philly, at Seattle, at Tennessee, home for San Francisco. That feels like 12-4. Yeah, it could be. I don't know who the wild card team is. I would say the NFC gets two in.

I would say Dallas still makes it, and I would say... So you think Dallas makes it because Zeke Elliott's just going to... I'll tell you what. I think people aren't giving the defense enough credit here. I know Zeke Elliott, they need him probably to win the Super Bowl. People give Lawrence credit. Lawrence gets credit now. Lawrence gets credit.

You've got David Irving's phenomenal. Tate Frazier, God bless you, did a nice job hounding Sean Lee. Does it well. That's a good defense. That's not bad. And Taco got his first sack. And Taco Charlton got his first sack. Fun team.

The Clapper, though, gave up the first ever miniature Hail Mary. I've never seen that before. A screen Mary? He gave up a screen Mary. The team's completely unprepared. Right. Alex Smith, can he even throw out 70 yards? I don't know.

No, no, no. They have no tall receiver to catch a Hail Mary, but they do have Tyreek Hill, who's used to just zooming through people. That was a bad defensive play, but otherwise. And then they had to interview Garrett right afterwards. Right afterwards. Great. You know, you hate giving up that terrible 80-yard touchdown.

Why is he not clapping during these interviews? How does he know to shut it down? That was so bad. Your team looked pretty good, though. That was really bad. And the other thing is Kansas City is not that good, and we should have known. Well, it's weird because they're the only ones. They're a lock, though, to win that division, don't you think?

Denver's going away. I can't rule out Oakland yet for some reason, even though there's another poorly coached team. There's a lot of poorly coached teams. Yeah. Like Oakland, they're going down. They're up, what, 11? Like three minutes left?

Right, somewhere in there, yeah. Just like trying to put the clock away. Third down. Guy chucks it downfield. It gets intercepted. Oh, Carr. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Carr.

Chucks it. Interception. Miami comes back. Now they have a chance for an onside kick to tie that was awful teams don't know how to hold leads anymore either hey if you've ever seen anything we've done in my office on instagram which is at spic 33 by the way you probably noticed how nice my posters look our friends at frame bridge framed everything in there custom frame my items in days not weeks or months delivered my finished pieces ready to hang if you go to framebridge.com sal you upload digital photos instagram photos

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Macho Man, yeah. It's just beautiful. Poor Elizabeth looking up. Yeah, I like it. Go to framebridge.com. Use promo code BS. You save an additional 15% off your first order. Again, framebridge.com, promo code BS.

Framebridge, I got a million more stuff because I have some good stuff to frame. All right, let's talk about, you have a chance to have the worst fantasy week I've ever seen in my life. Right now, you have 38.7 points. You got zero from your kicker, Blair Walsh. Yeah.

How is that a zero? Why is that like a minus three? It should be minus. You should get a minus two if you miss a kick, right? I thought we had minuses for kickers I'm not sure, we'll have to look into that Well somehow he's only a zero Your highest ranked person on your team was the Rams D

Six teams on a bye, what do you want me to do? Rams D was 11 points Right You had Chris Thompson, Lamar Miller, Michael Crabtree, Paul Richardson. I had Richardson. I benched Demarius Thomas because he's been a slug the whole year. He had 13 points. I would have been right in this.

Michael Thomas. Yeah. Cam Brate with a 0.9. 0.9. Great. See, 38.7. But then it's like, oh, you must have benched some guys. But no.

What are you talking about? Everyone on your bench total was 44 points so that's good what do you mean there's six teams off i love you on bell you have a win tonight you have 83 points i need 21 from staff if stafford doesn't get to 17 your entire team won't get to 100 points meanwhile look at damn look at damage check while i'm playing if he doesn't have that tyreek hill play he's got nothing damage check with the 58.4, including the minus one from Willie Sneed, which I didn't even know receivers could have negative points. So right now it's 58.4 to Dave Damoshek.

And I have 37.7. And you have 38.7. There's a reason I mention this. Go ahead. The captain will not rest until his adventurous spirit and delicious rum has been brought to every corner of America. Variety is the spice of life. That's why the captain Morgan has spiced up life quite a bit.

They've developed a collection of rum, each with their own distinctive flavor and personality. Original spice, coconut, pineapple, white, black, grapefruit, whatever you want. The captain loves anyone who learns to mix like a captain. Every week we pick a captain. Yes. What do you say, captain? Who do you like, captain? My captain, captain. Both of you guys are captain? Who do you like, captain? My captain, captain.

Both of you guys are my captains. Oh, really? Yeah. Captain Dave Dabracek and Captain Sal Aikato. All right. Combined, you have 97 fantasy points of everyone you started. I've never seen a matchup like this in my life. I think fantasy football, I want to retire desperately, captain.

And this is proof right here. Wow. I think fantasy football I want to retire desperately captain and and and this this is proof right here wow this is it I like it good less than 100 points

fantasy football the dumbest thing we do all I want to do is be named captain so I you know I bench some of my best players and now I'm there

should I get my captain by the way I benched Jared Goff yet again he had like 34 points ridiculous he's they have the highest scoring offense in the league I cap? By the way, I benched Jared Goff yet again. He had like 34 points. Ridiculous. They have the highest scoring offense in the league. I've had them the whole year.

I never play them. They're phenomenal. I never started them. They're better than the Rams, the Kurt Warner Rams. Jared Goff is a captain. That offensive team is crazy. Yeah. Who do you have for a captain?

This one's easy for me. Better X. Better X is a captain of the league. Went six for six betting baseball games. We don't know who he is. Made between $10 and $14 million. Oh, yeah, you talked about him on your podcast. Oh, my God.

He's crazy. Going in and out of casinos. They're changing the line on him. They hear he's coming, which is illegal. You're not supposed to, at least unethical, not supposed to change the line. Oh, he's coming, he's coming. They change the line from plus $110 to minus $150. He bet it anyway.

He went out, didn't bet game seven, won between 10 and $14 million. There was a rumor that he betted game seven, so he didn't? It's not substantiated that he bet game seven, but incredible. That's our dream, right? Just have a week like that. So he won somewhere around- Between 10 and $14 million. And we don't know who it is.

Don't know who it is. Does BetterX want to come on your podcast? He should want to. Come on. Come on. Come on this podcast. Do something. How would BetterX see you just hit you on Twitter?

Yeah. Don't get Baba Booey, though, as somebody who pretends to be BetterX and it's not. Yeah. These guys are wrong. They don't want to be known. They don't want to be known. How does our friend Dave Tooley not know who BetterX is? Come on, Tooley.

Tooley knows everything. Do some recons. Leave the buffet and find out who Better X is, Tooley. Better X also had 11, they said 11 MMA fights in a row in September. We could use help with that. Maybe a co-captain that Rose Namahunas, what was her name? Yeah, incredible. Yeah.

Rose Namahunas. Sports movie waiting to happen. Big win. It was like the million dollar baby right with a good ending that didn't

leave her like with a in a neck brace with plenty to suffocate her yeah it was a good one she won the

strawweight title in UFC Saturday so that UFC card I think I'm a good litmus test for the UFC because if I get the card that means you probably

have a good card I'm very judgmental of every card that one I'm like I'm getting this I'm a good litmus test for the UFC, because if I get the card, that means you probably have a good card. I'm very judgmental of every card. That one, I'm like, I'm getting this, I'm betting it, which was a disaster. But that was like four awesome fights in that one. And ending with GSP, who was a pretty heavy underdog against Bisping, right? Yeah. Wasn't he like plus 200? Plus 190? Wasn't that much that much yeah somewhere in there was in the high um just choked him out choke so that was bleeding all over the

place somehow wins anyway you would love the live lines for that because after the first round bisping was uh gsp was minus 400 and then after the second round, GSP is plus 170. Wow. It's like, what's going on? At best, it could be one-to-one. Then he just chokes him out. The fight before that, the 170 pounds? Is that what it was?

No, no, that one. The one, Dillashaw. That one, it seemed like it was over, and then it flipped Foreman Lyle style. Yeah. I enjoyed that. I was watching that uh my son's birthday party was saturday and he had a bunch of 10 year olds over and we had this giant bouncy castle i don't want to step on parent corner no it's all right this wasn't my parent corner store anyway and uh and a bunch of the kids would come because i was watching mma in the living room and a and a couple of the kids trickled in they're watching

and my wife's like, I don't know if they should be watching this. I'm like, are you kidding me? These kids are 10. They've already been through the darkest corners of the internet already. Pretty sure they can handle it. They've seen their friends die on the streets. They can watch this in Hancock Park.

Come on. That's horrible. We lost all of our UFC bets yeah we lost everything we're not good at this we had the last two fights in UFC we lost both parlayed with the Seahawks who also lost Seahawks got choked out

Blair Walsh getting choked out we should have gone Costanza this week we knew it the whole week. Why didn't we do the Costanza? Just go right against it. Just stop. I know. Too much pumpkin patching. Alright. I have

one email to read and then we'll go to the week 10. Is it week 10? Week 10 already. It's from Ryan in Palo Alto. I have listened to up and comer Tate Frazier on the podcast

for about a year now and I established a picture in my mind about what he looked like the other day I finally decided to google him and it turns out

he looks exactly like I envisioned him nice basically he's a Duke lacrosse player oh wow what the hell

Jesus Christ says the guy from Palo Alto. I thought comparing you to anyone from Duke I thought was the most insulting thing I've ever heard. Those guys were found innocent. You're alright. Don't worry about it.

I thought the Duke part was so much worse. Alright Duke, I'm sorry. Really? Like, come on. The internet. Tell the guy who went after you on Twitter. The internet's a bad place. Yeah, it was just a drunk guy.

He was basically like, you know, I said I hope that defense has learned not to bite on Russell Wilson pump fakes 10 yards down the field. You know, just a normal thing that happens all the time. He responds, I hope that you get off all the podcasts that I like i like all those people and stop saying things and it goes at me really hard and i was like and his profile just said i'm awesome and i was like well for someone that claims to be so awesome i hope you have some goodwill in your life you know try to spin it forward be kind nice and he responds this morning he's like i'm sorry man i'm i was hammered last night and i was a duke fan so i was like that ends up happening more times than not.

People just want to be recognized, and that happens. And then it's like, yeah, no, I'm actually a big fan for years. Like, oh, my God. She's like, wow, now I feel like I know. They're like hecklers in a basketball crowd. And then the players turn. Yeah, the players turn to the fans and be like, what's up, man? Oh, man, I'm sorry.

I'm a huge fan. But he's right. How do we get Tate off all our podcasts? Yeah, Tate. We got to calm Tate down. Bye weeks this week. Baltimore, our podcasts? Yeah, Tate. We got to calm Tate down. Buy weeks this week. Baltimore, Kansas City, Oakland, Philly. Two of those teams are fun.

Eagles and Chiefs? Yeah, Eagles and Chiefs are fun to watch. I'm going to score 37 points again. Fantasy. All my guys are on those teams. How do you have all these dudes on buy weeks? I don't know. I have everyone on a buy.

I might drop Blair Walsh this week. I'm warning you. Those most added, most dropped things on our website, the CBS website, I think he's going to be in the most dropped. Good Lord. What? He won't be the kicker next week, right? You can't bring him back.

They're bringing guys in, from what I understand. They should bring all the guys in. That doesn't help our bet at all. You know the guy, Lam Lambeau Who I think Jacksonville picked up Yeah L-A-M-B-O I thought that guy was pretty good last year I don't know what the stats were But I never felt like he was one of the truly shaky ones And then the Chargers waved him

He was kind of floating around for a few weeks And then yesterday I think he made like a 56 yarder I think It definitely shouldn't be as hard to find a kicker as it is a quarterback in this league, right? There should be 100 guys who can kick 50 yards. Well, I also think, how do you not have a running back? One of the amazing things with Seattle is that they have no running backs.

It's like every team has four running backs. The Patriots have four running backs that are better than anyone in Seattle. It's funny you say the Patriots because I think Carroll has that Patriots arrogance. Like, we could do this without a running back. Or we could do this without whatever. A kicker. I don't know. But it's catching up to him.

Well, they waved that Alex Collins guy or they put him on the practice squad or whatever happened. The Ravens got him. The Ravens told him. I think he's pretty good. I like the two Miami guys who I went all in on on fantasy because I needed running backs. Drake and Williams. I thought both of those guys were good drake's fast williams is more of like a williams had one good play but i

yeah i feel bad for adam gaze i he really just looks like he's gonna have a heart attack on the sideline he's just he just sighs he just every cutaway to him he's sighing and he's like i don't know how this is uh not adding up for us but that said how, how are they 4-4? I'll never know. I've seen that team lose seven times this year. Collinsworth and Michaels didn't totally want to be there for that game yesterday. And there's a worse one this week because they have the 49ers and the Giants. Oh, that's a Sunday night? No.

Yeah. It's a Sunday night. No, no. New England-Denver. They moved that. Oh, they flexed them? Yeah. Oh, in the website I was looking at. Oh. Yeah. Oh, no, no. New England-Denver. They moved that. Oh, they flexed them? Yeah. Oh, in the website I was looking at.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, no, no. They wouldn't do that. That is a late afternoon game, though. Yet another one to throw into the poopfecta. Right. Let's do Thursday night.

Collinsworth, and I thought for sure, Michael, say what you will about that game. The last touchdown blew the spread and the over. Yeah, Michaels fell asleep. I'm telling you, Michaels, he was already thinking about golf on Monday. He was out of that game. Thursday night, Seahawks at the Cardinals. Drew Stanton actually looked half decent. AP looked half decent.

The Cardinals are not out of the playoff picture, which I think is crazy. But if you think like nine and seven could make. These teams could have the same record after Thursday? Yeah. Wow. Arizona's... Are they...

They're 4-4. Are they 4-4? 4-4. Seattle's 5-3. They're 4-4, Tate? Mm-hmm. So they play Seattle. They win that.

They're at Houston. Home, Jacksonville. Home for Rams. Home for Tennessee. Three home games in a row, which is good. At Washington, home for the Giants at Seattle. There's a road to 9-7 in that. A 9-7 could get a wild card.

And what's weird is Drew Stanton is now, I think, 7-3 as a starter for them, even though he's Drew Stanton. If we have Drew Stanton to bet against in the playoffs. I have Seahawks by four in Arizona. This is one of two that I got exactly right. It's plus six. Seattle's given six. AP, 37 carries.

I like it. Remarkable. What happened to Jimmy Graham? Why isn't he good anymore? I don't know. Did you see the two-point conversion he made? He put his hands up all the way. What the hell was that?

I don't know. And I feel like Russell Hustle and Bustle did his best to keep him on the team. He was talked about in trade room. They almost gave him up for Dwayne Brown, right? It's like, no, no, he's my best friend. He's my roommate, all this. But just try a little harder, Jimmy Brown. I would have thrown him in the trade.

Yeah. Who do you pick for this division? Listen, I am not accusing anyone of throwing that game. Okay. Who do you pick for this division? If I'm the, listen, I am not accusing anyone of throwing that game. Okay. My point is, if it came out a year later and there was like

an NFL game was fixed and four players were, you'd guess, Seahawks, Redskins, I'd be like, well,

obviously the kicker because he missed all his kicks. Jimmy Graham would have been my second choice. And then somebody in the Seattle secondary in the last play. And then Pete Carroll would have been my fourth choice. And then somebody in the Seattle secondary in the last play.

And then Pete Carroll would have been my fourth choice. Sure, Pete's always there. I think he was. Meanwhile, just really quick. Seattle, minus 110 to win the division. Rams, minus 110 to win the division. Oh, I think the Rams are definitely going to win the division. Let's look at that.

That might be a fun one. Yeah, but with how ice cold we've been, I think we would bet on the Rams. Oh, all right. And we'd, like, golf would get hurt. Let's bet Seattle then. Sunday's marquee game. Your boys, I think, are in this.

Atlanta home for Dallas. This is kind of a loser leaves town match. Really? Our first one, week 10. Wow. Yeah. I don't think Atlanta can lose this game and make the playoffs. I don't think they're catching up anyway. I don't think they are either, but I know they aren't if they lose this game.

What do you have to line up? I thought Lombardi made a good point on his podcast today with Tate. That their first couple drives are fine because they obviously script out the plays, but as the game goes on, it's like they almost don't have an offensive coordinator anymore. Sarkeesian is worse than

I thought he was going to be. It is very strange. It's very strange. And it must be very frustrating, Tate, to root for that Panthers team because they're 6-3. They're an odd 6-3. But don't you think when they're putting the Falcons away and it's 3-3, I just feel they should convert every time.

You got Cam Newton who looks sleepy at times, but I feel he can run for seven yards every single time. He can fall forward for three yards. Couldn't he? He shouldn't be close these games. It's unbelievable. Yeah, but something important happened in that Panthers game. They finally realized that they should go with the young guys. And they actually used McCaffrey

in smart ways, I thought. Samuel made a couple plays. You could kind of feel... Jonathan Stewart, I've never heard a running back get booed after he had just had the ball handed off to him. Has that ever happened before? Every time he got the ball, the fans are like, boo! Well, you have Cameron Artis Payne.

They had him active, so everyone was like, why don't we just try him? He can't be worse than Jonathan Stewart, who had two fumbles in the first quarter. I like their offensive play call. It's fun. There's just like a shovel pass. Like, oh, is that a count as a run for McCaffrey? Or like, there's a lot of fun stuff going on. That was the first time I felt like McCaffrey might actually make it.

For sure. Yeah. The way they kept ripping him off right or left on these little screen, and they ran some wheel routes. He was open a lot. They couldn't cover him. His first rushing touchdown was an eight-yard pitch from Cam Newton. That was the most incredible pitch I think I've ever seen.

His left hand from one hash mark to the other hash mark. And they were like, a rushing touchdown from a captain. It makes you think guys practice during the week when you see stuff like that. Exactly. It's all timing. I texted Tate that I thought Cam was sabotaging the pitches to Jonathan Stewart. One pitch I was just way behind him so he could tackle. I was like, get this guy out of there. It's so funny that when running backs just lose it

Like I remember the Patriots And Marion Butts like 20 years ago And he was just done And it was like having a left guard as you're running back And that's what Stewart looks like now He can't make anyone miss Matt Forte's like that too Even though he put up some stats the other day

But Matt Forte, first guys who can tackle him Is tackling him. He doesn't make anyone miss. That year from 31 to 32, 38 to 39 as an NBA center. If it came up, the Panthers have waived Jonathan Stewart today, I wouldn't be shocked. People were asking for D'Angelo Williams to get re-signed. Wow.

Which is an even worse sign if people think that he's better than Jonathan Stewart. Where is he, though? He had such a good start with Pittsburgh. He's not on a team? No, he's a free agent right now. Really, the Giants couldn't use him? Yeah, it's weird. Well, you know what the really dot, dot, dot couldn't have used him is Adrian Peterson and the Panthers.

Yeah. Like, he's just way better than Jonathan Stewart is. I think they just couldn't handle the – Cam's already got enough, like, attitude problems in the locker room with people. I don't think they needed to add Adrian Peterson demanding the ball from him. Cam selling out Ron Rivera on the fourth and one was pretty amazing. Because I was watching that live.

I was like, oh my God, are they going to have to bench him? He was yelling, go, go! He was jumping up and down. He was like my son hearing that we're not going to the movies. He's having a heart attack. Is that your parent corner right there? No. I have a great parent corner this week. Who'd you have for Atlanta? What'd you have for this game? I had Fal a heart attack. Is that your parent corner right there? No. I have a great parent corner this week. Who'd you have for Atlanta?

What'd you have for this game? I had Falcons by three. I said three also. They made it three and a half. So your team just every week, Zeke's not going to play, then he plays, and then he scores a touchdown. He does the feed me more thing. I love it.

We're not supposed to acknowledge his horrible domestic violence scandal. Listen, it's bigger than the suspension. I don't know what that means, but he keeps saying it. Let's talk about Wish.com really quick. If you like buying stuff online, you like buying stuff online. Love it.

Why wouldn't you want to unleash? It's how I got my first wife, I think. We don't talk about her anymore. Why wouldn't you want to unleash on a global marketplace? There's a trick. Good things come to those who wait. Like we should have waited this week and not Campbell.

Wait a few weeks for delivery. You'll get lower product prices than almost anywhere else. It's like patient Black Friday. Here's what you do. You download the Wish app. Pretty easy. W-I-S-H. Then search for the latest fashions,

makeup, home goods, electronics, over 150 million products. Sometimes they will be 60 to 90% off. Tate's like really, Tate's excited about Wish. No markups,

no yearly fee, no middleman, no need to overpay again. It's even the official mobile shopping partner of the LA Lakers. Wow. I personally, that doesn't make me happy, but I think it would make a lot of people happy.

If you can wish it, you can own it. Even if Wish is offering all new users a free gift with a purchase, dedicated Wish lovers don't have to worry about being left out. All of my listeners can get 20% off your purchase by using my code Simmons. Download, open your Wish app, find things you didn't even know you needed. Enter my code Simmons for 20% off your purchase. Remember, if you can wish it, you can own it. All right. Huge, burgeoning poopfecta this week.

I have five terrible games I don't want to watch. Five is a good number. Now that you told me 49ers, Giants is the Sunday night game. Let's start with that. 49ers, home for the Giants. I have the 49ers by three. Wow. You're going to get this. I had the Giants by two and

a half. It's 49ers by one and a half. So you get it. And this, I think, forget the Joe Pisarczyk play in the Meadowlands. Forget the fact that they got blown out by the Ravens in the Super Bowl. The fact that they're an underdog to the winless 49ers is the most embarrassing moment in Giants history. I'm sorry. I will say there's some Patriots fans on my smartphone that I communicate with every once in a while who are really enjoying this Giants thing. They like it, right?

I mean, they got annihilated by the Rams. God, I hate the Giants. Is this it for Eli? Yeah, I think so. I hate to blame him too much for this season. It's just when McAdoo's right there, ready to take the blame. McAdoo's in a coma. I think that you guys, Tate and Lombardi, touched on it a little before.

They also touched on it. I'm going to have to go back and listen, but I think Lombardi accused Jason Garrett of shooting JFK. But I'm going to have to listen again. He didn't make my sense out all came together, but I liked it. McAdoo, when a team converts third and 33, that should be it. You know in the comedy club where they have the red light? They start blinking.

They're like, that's your time, buddy. You got to go. What about when a team gives up a Hail Mary at a screen pass? Oh, yeah. At the end of a half. Yeah, maybe. That should also be it. Guy killed JFK, and he gave that up, too.

The clapper. Second poop-fected game of the week. Detroit is at home playing the Zombie Browns. I have the Lions favored by 7.5. That's too low. I said 9. It's 9.5. We don't do three-team teasers anymore, but keep that in mind.

We don't gamble anymore. No, we're done. Detroit, Tennessee on a short week. The league is trying to help Cleveland in the last couple games, and it's just not working. Well, so Detroit's 3-4, and they're at Green Bay tonight against Brett Hundley. Brent Hundley.

Mm-hmm. Brett Hudley? It ends in the last name, so it's not in the first name. Yeah, Brett Hundley. Yeah. They win that somehow. They're 4-4. Then they win that somehow they're four and four then they have cleveland they're five and four at chicago home from minnesota thanksgiving

feels like six and five at baltimore at tampa home for chicago at cincinnati home for green bay there is a road to like 10 and six for this crappy lion so i think detroit arizona and atlanta are the three teams fighting for that six seed. Yeah. I'm trying to prepare everyone now because in week 15 people go, I can't believe this. There's going to be weird playoff teams. I was watching that Baltimore-Tennessee game, which was awful, but I had picked the

Baltimore Ravens in the Super Contest. That was a horrible game. It was really, really not enjoyable. It was just bad. And then the Ravens covered by half point. Bears, home for the Packers of Green Bay. I'm sure this line will be affected by whatever happens tonight. We'll learn more.

I don't mind this Bears team, especially coming off a bye. I had the Bears by one. I hope it stays less than three. I'm going to make this one of my super contest picks. I had the same one, and right now it's three. But like you said, we'll learn more tonight. They play good defense. They're ball hawks.

They're all over the place. Crowd likes them at home. I think the crowd likes the team. They like Trubisky. Maybe they'll open it up, but they'll open it up from seven plays to nine in his offense this week. Hey, you don't like that. Mitch, we added another scramble right

where you have to decide whether they're passing or not. Yeah, you're going to run with the ball in your left hand. You're going to fake the sweep. Stop. Fourth horrible game. I debated whether to put this in there, but what's worse than much than the Bengals? Very few things.

Titans, home for the Bengals? Very few things. Titans, home for the Bengals. I have Titans by six. You got it exactly. I said five and a half. It is six. And are we thinking A.J. Green suspended? I support what A.J. Green and Mike Evans are doing. They just want to get out of there. They want out?

That's the way to get out? It's like they're at a bar. They're just starting to fight with somebody to get out. They can still get paid. Now they're going to be suspended. That's true. The get out? It's like they're at a bar. They're just starting to fight with somebody to get out. Like, kick me out. But they can still get paid. I want to go home. Now they're going to be suspended. That's true. The Mike Evans thing was worse. That was really bad. AJ Green, it had been festering that whole game.

And they had been chirping and chirping and chirping. And then he finally just snapped because Andy Dalton's his quarterback. The Mike Evans thing was clearly, I just want to get kicked out. Please kick me out. I don't want to be here anymore. AJ Green also knew that I had Cincinnati as one of my best bets and that they need him on the field he's the only player you would have covered that 20 plus uh yard you know play you would have covered that good lord last one man these are some bad games this one wow uh i don't even think there's a line on this i know what

you're gonna say bucks home yeah for the jets of new y York. If Jameis was playing, I would have maybe said Bucs minus one. I like the Jets, so I don't think the Jets are bad. Oh, come on, McCown, Fitzpatrick. That's what we have to root for here. Oh, wow. That would be so much fun. Let's get that going. Fitzpatrick came in and did a couple Fitzpatrick things.

I thought there was a chance for them to maybe cover that crazy spread. But no. No line here because they don't know the quarterback. But yeah, the Jets could be 5-5. Wow. Is it possible every team's going to be 8-8 except for three teams? Well, we haven't even tried to cross anyone off anymore, right? It's just the same teams.

Can we add anybody? I think we had four or five. I think the Bengals are a cross off. I don't think we had crossed them off the think the bangles are a cross off uh i don't think we had crossed them off the last time yeah and and i'm definitely not betting them again would you cross off the texans yeah you know what you know what's steep is the drop off from the sean watson to tom yeah people were right about that that watson's better than sad yeah it turns out everybody was exactly right about macho man to man Tommy Savage just couldn't get it done.

Poor Hopkins. We were raving about him last week, what an awesome spot he was in. Right. I think that's the – now you have the jinx. Now you have the captain jinx, Captain. Oh, come on, Captain. I think you jinxed it. The red zone.

Four games for this one. First one. I'm not ashamed to put a colts home game in the red zone they do stuff ty hilton will break some passes they're home against pittsburgh coming off a bye week and uh i have the steelers favored by seven and a half oh you have to go higher there i said eight and it's ten i think that's a. I think the Colts can get garbage time points. Yeah, he's fine. You know what I realized during that game? He's not on anyone's fantasy team in our league.

He's going to decide a playoff matchup in our fantasy league. You think so? Yeah, somebody's going to start Jacoby Brissett, and it'll be against some crap team like the Niners or somebody. Let's see who they have. There's a schedule? Yeah, so week 14, they're at Buffalo. Mm-hmm.

That could be like, you know, he's behind the whole game. He throws for 340 yards and two touchdowns. Yeah, that could be all right. All right, so Bill Simmons is picking up... I'm going to pick him up. I don't need to. I have Jared Goff and Drew Brees. He's like 6 quarterbacks

Drew Brees just gives you 20 points every week never the hope for 30 just bangs out of his 20 our friend Brad our crazy friend Brad has I know fantasy talk

is lame but so he drafted Antonio Brown Julio Jones and Odell Beckham Jr no this isn't lame because this was a really

this was almost like a Sam Henke Cleveland Browns type strategy he went all in on three receivers and figured out he would and Odell Beckham Jr. No, this isn't lame because this was almost like a Sam Henke, Cleveland Browns type strategy. He went all in on three receivers and figured out he would. Right, right, right. It didn't work because it turns out one of them can get hurt. There's more John Henke than Sam Henke.

But, yeah, yeah. But Antonio Brown, Julio Jones, Odell Beckham spent like $170 of the $200 on them and then had dollar players the rest of the way. It didn't work. Beckham's out. Jones averages six a game. So I'm trying to trade these guys. I'm offering them good players. Yeah, they don't want to trade.

They're mad. They're like, nope, these guys are going down with the ship. I was like, great, that's good. You're going to pay for the banquet. It's great. Yeah, nobody wants to pay for the banquet. Vikings at Washington. I have the Vikings favored by one.

After what I saw from that Washington offensive line yesterday, I don't know how they're going to block Minnesota's front seven, but what do you have? I whiffed on this. I said Washington minus two, and you're closer. It's Minnesota minus two. Yeah, that has all the makings of Kirk Cousins running for his life. That's a tough one.

The Skins are tough to bet against. Unless they're playing the Eagles, I wouldn't want to bet against them. Just a weird... Tate, you hearing these murmurings coming from Minneapolis? What murmurings? It's the Viking fans kind of quietly getting excited about Teddy Bridgewater, just a little bit. Oh, him coming back? Yeah, just it's starting to become a thing.

Have you heard anything about him looking good? I heard a week's in like three weeks ago. I mean, I love Teddy Two Gloves, but I don't know. There's no way Teddy Two Gloves comes back and saves the season. I just haven't heard it. Like, oh, he's zipping the ball in practice and he's hitting guys in stride. I just heard that he's ready. It's like the Andrew Luck thing.

No news is maybe not good news. Who knows? Andrew Luck thing's sad. Yeah. Basically lost three years of his career. Because he played hurt, right? He's not even a character on the podcast anymore. He lost his BS podcast spot.

When you do the Andre the Giant documentary, are you going to make an Andrew Luck documentary? We'll interview Andrew Luck for the Andre the Giant documentary. Andrew the Giant. Yeah, Andrew the Giant. Jaguars home for the Andrew the Giant. Jaguars home for the Chargers. Kind of like this game. I'll watch some of this game.

Fournette learned his lesson. You can't miss team pictures. I have the Jaguars favored by three and a half. You're going to get it. You edged me out here. I said six. I went high. It's four and a half. You like that to get it. You edged me out here. I said 6. I went high. It's 4.5. Yeah, that Chargers aren't bad.

You like that Vegas zone, though. This is interesting. Just 3-5 against 5-3. Jaguars playing defensively like they are. They should be a 6-point. Coming off a bye? I think that's higher. Last one that I put in the red zone,

and it really could be a poop-fected game, but the Rams are fun to watch, even in blowouts. I think I have the Rams by nine at home against Houston. I said 10.5. It's 11. I wasn't ready to go double figures for them, but I guess we're here. When they put Savage against that defense, I think that's all the oddsmakers had to see.

Oh, yeah! The macho man. 4-0 on the road, though, these Rams. You can't say enough about them. And Wade Phillips should get a little more credit. I like Wade Phillips. I know it's all Sean McVay, gadget plays. These guys like playing for them.

The offense come together. Wade Phillips, this is some defense. I like the Millennials. You do? Yeah. I went all in on McVay. I've had good experiences with Millennials. How much fun would this have been, Deshaun, at the Ram?

This would have been your marquee game, probably. Which one? If Deshaun had made it to this game, this would have been so much fun. Oh, this is one of the games of the year for you. I got tickets to that game. I was going to go to that game to see Deshaun, and then he got hurt. Really? So what'd you do with him?

I don't know. They definitely have no value now, I don't think. Oh, no. No, people are in the Rams. LA's a bandwagon city. Yeah, that's right. I'll do my best. You'll find someone to go. Over on the bandwagon city. Yeah, that's right. I'll do my best. You'll find someone to go.

Over on there. Take your girlfriend. Yeah, there you go. How much did you pay for those tickets? I think like 80 a piece. All right. I'm going to say over on there. SeatGeek used the BSNFO code.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I did use SeatGeek. Yeah, he did. He really did. Can you sell them back on SeatGeek? Yeah, that's right. You can. All right.

You can get $37.50 each. When do you want to talk about Tate's girlfriend moving to LA? Is that happening, Tate? No, it already happened. It's already here. It can get $37.50 each. When do you want to talk about Tate's girlfriend moving to LA? Is that happening, Tate? No, it already happened. It's already here. It's happened. Yes. I know it.

I feel like I was instrumental in this because I was offered a free mattress along the way and now Tate's got it. I'm like, give it to Tate. And now that's it. That's all she needed. Now she's out. And I used that mattress and then that was a gift. Unbelievable.

She found out tate was getting shouted out by steph curry and verified on twitter and immediately decided to move here yeah i think it was a good move yeah she has to keep it i just moved at the same time so i like my work wife move here and my real you know it was nice and lombardi's like his work uncle it's a nice is this is he's the carlos correa of the ringer though like maybe like he could have george springer i just felt like Carlos Correa. He could have bedded 45 women that night and said he got engaged on national television. Tate's verified.

He's got all this stuff going on. I was furious when Carlos Correa got engaged. And then I Googled him and saw he was 23. And I went to another level of anger. You were angry? Yeah. Nobody should get married at age 23. Not one person. He's on Jimmy Kimmel Live with the fiancee, if you want to come by tonight. I think it should be a rule. You have to at least be 27 before you get married at age 23. Not one person. He's on Jimmy Kimmel Live with the fiance, if you want to come by tonight.

I think it should be a rule. You have to at least be 27 before you get married. Yeah. It'd be a great rule. Think of all the money we would save in divorces and divorce suits, all that stuff. It's true. But, Tate, good luck. Yeah.

Great move, Tate. The watchables. Saints at Bills. This is a fun game. I know, but this line pisses me off. Go ahead. Tell me what you think. All right, I had Saints by one and a half.

I had Bills by two and a half. It's Saints by two and a half. You get that. Yeah, the Bills. You're beating me on this. The Bills on Thursday night. They don't lose at all. It's the same thing every game with them.

Yeah, they were bad on Thursday night. I know. They seem like smoke and mirrors to me. Did anything look more like a Thursday night game than that Thursday night game? Like the more physical team just doesn't show up and they get crushed by the Jets? We talked, I think after that game, I was saying to you that, or maybe we didn't talk. I was saying to somebody that Thursday night games, which never should be wagered on ever, even we're not dumb enough to bet on Thursday night games.

You know within 10 minutes who's going to win. Exactly. There's never been another football contest like that where you can watch the first 10 minutes and go, I know it's going to happen. Maybe we should bet the live lines on this. Maybe that's a good way to make $3 or $4 going into the weekend. Live betting is the last

frontier that I haven't lost money on. That's great. Yeah, that's great. You would have loved it with the MMA. Quick thing about the Saints, because, Tate, you guys talked about it with the Rookie of the Year. 15-1. That's a steal. 15-1 for Offensive Rookie of the Year. Who is it?

Alvin Kamara. Saints. Six straight wins for the Saints. Kareem Hunt seems to be getting bottled up. I know he's favored at minus 300. Fournette's going to miss the rookie of the year team picture. Kamara's third at 15-1. I like Kamara.

He's good. He's kind of the guy they've tried to have for the last 12 years, and then they finally stumbled into him. You know what's different about them? He's the guy they wanted Reggie Bush to be and all that stuff. They play nice defense, the Saints. They seem to get a special team's crazy play every game, and they can kill the clock now.

They can kill the clock. That was Drew Brees' problem all these years. It's a 17-point lead, and he has to pass. Kamara, you know, for whatever reason, Ingram, they're able to kill the clock. I read Peter King's column today, and they were talking about the Saints had Lattimore and Pat Mahomes were the top two players on their board. I'm like, what kind of board is this? How does my house get out of one of the top two players on their board. I'm like, what kind of board is this? How is Miles Garrett not one of the top two players on your board?

Right, yeah. Pat Mahomes is over Miles Garrett? Very strange. And then Sean Watson. Patriots playing the heist in the Denver Broncos. So you said it's a Sunday night. This is it for Denver, right? I don't know what they do with the quarterback thing.

Simeon was awful, and the heist was somehow worse. And Paxton Lynch must be the worst quarterback ever if he can't beat either of these guys. Talk about feelings being hurt. Paxton Lynch, hey, just put me in just to spare my feelings at this point. We've made this joke before, but I don't think it was ever banged home more than during that Bronco game yesterday. Kaepernick's got to be like,

like his price for this collusion settlement is just going up. All he has to do is just show the game tapes of these different awful performances. He should say that. He's like, hey, if we settle before week 12, here's a chart I made of how bad the quarterback play is about to get. Yeah, watch these clips. The heist was good for about 10 plays because there were these 10 scripted plays that he knew what he had to do. And the Nets clips. The heist was good for about 10 plays because there were

these 10 scripted plays that he knew what he had to do and the Nets were like, I'll tell you who lost why this looks good. I'm like, all right,

just wait. That play action pass that was intercepted. The guy was never, ever open. Eight yards over the middle was amongst the worst I've ever seen.

It's bad when your QB has decided what he's doing before the snap. Yeah, exactly. Never good. What did you have for that? I had the pats by five and a half seven and a half okay that's the other one i had exactly well let's count these up four five six seven two three oh we're tied going into this last game

you're gonna get it though all right well let's take a quick break to build up the drama. All right. Sal, they say in life there are no guarantees and no sure things. Well, there might just be two exceptions. Sal and I losing a three-team tease, that's a sure thing, and Husky Tools. In 1924, Husky started making things for people who make things. They did it with common sense. That meant adding function, never-for-alls, making tools that stood the test of time. Ninety-three years later, Husky still making quality crafted durable

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guaranteed for a lifetime, found only at The Home Depot. Husky's a great name for tools. That's good. That's a solid. Not so good for clothes. No. Good for tools. I had a backup captain this week.

Go ahead. My buddy Sully, the MVP of my wedding. I like Sully. Yeah. Great guy. Had these two little boys who, like eight years ago, were at the beach with Wilds and Jacoby and the younger one, Keegan, who was like ago, were at the beach with Wilds and Jacoby. And the younger one, Keegan, who was like six,

were playing touch football on the beach. And Keegan's just dusting Wilds, who is a pretty good athlete. And it's become this running joke forever. Now, both of these kids are stars in situate. Aiden is a junior at situate high, quarterback. And this team is now advancing up the playoffs. They're playing at Fenway Park. They have a chance to play in the Super Bowl.

I'm so proud. I've known him since he was a little tiny kid. Shout out to Aiden Sullivan, Scituate High. I'm on the big one. All right, last two games. Oh, there's two. Did we miss one? Oh, no, I guess we don't miss one.

One more, right? Monday night. Panthers, home for the Dolph for the dolphins think about this because you can win the week and you need to because you're down five to three to five to two to two in weeks so if you get this right i owe you like 17 sub hits though i have the panthers by six and a half over the Dolphins. You win, Bill Simmons. Yeah? I said five and a half. It's eight. I think this is a McCaffrey fantasy breakout week.

Is it? With Gruden just going nuts. I love this kid. Watch this guy. Watch him right here. Right. I see that happening. Is this why they smack you in the face a little, the Panthers, or what?

They've only beat the Dolphins once ever in history. What's the score when Kikwi's in the game versus when he's When he wins, they're good. He's spectacular. Good job, NFL.

This is the third straight night game for the Dolphins. Nice work. How did they not see that coming? What were they looking at for the Dolphins. Nice work. How did they not see that coming? I know. What were they looking at with the Dolphins? Were they like, let's get these guys on TV? No idea.

When does Greg Olsen come back for this team? I don't know. Cam was super excited. He did this whole video. He was like, wait until I get my guy back. Apparently it's three weeks from now. I want to see that. I want to see that offense like that. It's time.

Parent Corner. I'll go that. It's time. Parent Corner. I'll go first. America's favorite segment. Yours is going to be much better. Okay. I also think, I'm not sure we should do this every week. Why? Because I don't think we're, we're not with our kids enough to have one good, two good stories.

Oh, I have one every week. I have a good one this week. All right. Yeah. All right. Okay. Oh, so for Halloween, my kid, my kid, I told the whole story about how you're not allowed to cover your face with paint and you can't wear a mask because it'll freak out the other kids

and the teachers don't want it. They want to know who's creating mischief and they want to be able to identify kids. So we went through costumes and my boy Jack, my nine-year-old, wants to be a wrestler. Yeah. And there's not too many come October. There's not too many in his size left. So we went through costumes and my boy Jack, my nine-year-old, wants to be a wrestler. Yeah. And there's not too many come October. There's not too many in his size left. He goes with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Oh. And the wife is, my wife's against it. She's so against it. No one's going to get this. This is stupid. And the more she doesn't want it, the more he wants it. Yeah. So I was like, let's just go with it. Let's see what happens.

He's already a quirky kid. Everyone thinks he's weird, mostly because he's my son. So we're going with Stone Cold Steve Austin. He shows up. None of the kids recognize him. For the bald head, he's got that little yellow. It looks like he's wearing a condom over his head. It's not even sitting tight.

Is it Dr. Evil? Yeah, it's kind of loose. It's really weird. He looks like a middle-aged redneck he's got the leather vest you know all stone culled out the shoes and everything and uh he gets there and the kids are and the kids are just ignoring him and then there's the gym teacher who's got a microphone it's like oh there's some princesses there's some you know the what's, you know, they're announcing all the costumes. And he sees Jack, and he gets all excited.

And he yells in the microphone. He says, and that's the bottom line. And then sticks the mic out. He's like, because Stone Cold said so. And the place, it doesn't erupt. But Jack is excited. And that made it. That was a good move.

Jack wins. He wins. Everyone else went on thinking it was weird the rest of the day. But it. That confirmed it was a good move. Jack wins. He wins. Everyone else went on thinking it was weird the rest of the day. But the gym teacher thought it was good. Yeah. Well, Melissa learned her lesson. I hope so. Wins them for all.

That's a good one. We had Halloween. And my son went as, this isn't my parent corner story, but my son went as Zac Efron from Baywatch. Because he wanted to be shirtless. Trick or treat. Because my daughter had friends. And he's already in that mode. It's hilarious. He's trying to impress your daughter's friends?

He's trying to impress women who are older than him in the same age. That's awesome. And, uh, and was just shirtless for six hours. Yeah. But that wasn't, uh, my parent corner. He had a doctor checkup on, uh, on on thursday you know the annual checkup where they measure you they make sure you're whenever they might check parts of your body right and uh so he was excited because he's he's been growing and he's like he's now on pace to be six feet tall

which is this is a doctor that supplies his steroids no no That's another doctor. That's Dr. George Saharian. Right. If you remember from the WW days. So at some point, he's like, Ben, we got to talk about your penis. And who's allowed to see your penis? The doctors always say this to little kids. Who's allowed to see your penis? I'm allowed to see it, right? Your mom's allowed to see it.

Like, just getting, parent court is getting dark. Yeah. Your mom's allowed to see it, and your dad, and nobody else, right? And Ben's like, nobody else. Like, he's locked in. So he's like, all right, let's go check. Let's go check, make sure everything's all right. Can you take off your pants?

And I'm going to go. So Ben pulls his pants down. He's got no underwear on. He just just naked for the waist down the doctor's like oh okay and did one of those like ben take bent my son doesn't wear underwear not even to the doctor really and my wife was mortified and that's my parent did she know he doesn't wear assumed he was gonna wear underwear at the doctor oh but he doesn't she knows he didn't wear underwear at the doctor? No, she assumed he was going to wear underwear at the doctor. Oh, but she knows he doesn't wear it. He usually doesn't, but if we thought for the doctor,

maybe he was going to wear underwear. Clothes himself up. No, he's like, here's one of the two people allowed to see my Johnson. I'm going to show it. The moral of the story is everybody's going to see my son's Johnson unless he starts wearing underwear. Exactly. That's very Zac Efron.

I wanted to get a penis story you got it you did it buddy thank you uh speaking of penis stories can we just discuss this deon sanders thing with tony romo real quick let's do it damn it this gets me mad like romo makes like he's doing the game. It's an emotional game anyway for him. Nice job by him in Dallas against the Chiefs. Talks about Marcus Peters. He's like, this guy likes to tackle less than Deion Sanders. Deion Sanders goes

on. Yeah. What did he say? He says all these things about Romo's stats and everything. He said, I usually take the high road, but I don't know the address. And then he went after Romo. Good one. And then starts talking about his history, two and four in the playoffs.

Not winning Super Bowls. Why is Deion Sanders mad at attacking? He didn't tackle people. I know. He didn't like to tackle people. It would be like if somebody said Shaq wasn't in shape during his career and he just came back with the nuclear weapons. He's like, Shaq, you weren't in shape for almost the entire part of your career.

I think it's like saying Roger Clemens couldn't hit. It's like, he can't hit. It's like, yeah, he wasn't trying. It wasn't his thing. We know Deion. You shoved guys out of bounds. I try to look up his total tackles, but they didn't have tackle stats until 2001. So he had two years worth of no tackles.

It was pretty internet. This is crazy. During the internet, if we had the internet now for the Deion Sanders career, there would have been week after week of people talking about how he never tackled. There would have been video clips of him shying away and going out of bounds over hitting a guy. That was like his weakness.

He was still the best cover corner probably ever. Of course, you made the Hall of Fame and you didn't tackle. That should be even a bigger accomplishment. This is cowboy on cowboy crime for you. I don't like this. And you know why? This is why Deion's not even in the top 10 mentioned of those championship teams.

He's a jerk. Romo's probably going to apologize or let it go. I don't like this, how it goes. What about when he poured the four buckets of water on McCarver's head, who was like in his 50s or early 60s at that point. You're a real man, Dion. I never liked Dan Sanders. No. Take your yellow jacket

and shove it up your ass, Dion. That's all. We have one more thing to talk about before we go. I'm a good parent. Dion does wear underwear apparently. Jennifer Lawrence was awesome as the guest host. Jimmy broke the cardinal rule and he knew what the rule was. Never have anyone guest

host your show who's awesome. And he thought he was, oh, I'll just have all these actors. It won't be, like, this is the Johnny Carson, Jay Leno. Now it's like, you know, does Jennifer Lawrence live? Does that happen at 1135? I'm concerned. Fortunately, she's a hugely famous A-list actress.

She makes like $20 million a picture. She won't want to do this right yeah I don't think she'll want to host the show I don't think she'll want to I considered making her

my captain because she was delightful she was great what you saw the Kardashian interview was unbelievable she was we were like

that was like a 14 minute she went two segments she went crazy with it and that was good it was all entertaining her man in the street piece was really good

that was good she came she worked she came to rehearsals she made everyone laugh she liked the writer's joke she added stuff she was good. She came. She worked. She came to rehearsals. She made everyone laugh. She liked the writer's joke. She added stuff. She was excellent.

Turns out she's attractive. Good looking, too. Didn't realize that either. Yeah. Yeah. This is what I mean. Look good. Tate, I don't know if I'd be moving girlfriends in, Tate.

Yeah, Jay Law. I didn't get invited. I didn't get to meet her. She was great, though. It made me- Excellent. Made me wonder, like, could she do that once a week? I don't think she can do a daily show, but I wonder if she could do whatever that Chelsea

Handler model was on Netflix that didn't work. Could Jennifer Lawrence do that? Absolutely. Why not? She was a very natural, awesome conversationalist. You've never had her on, have you? Never had her on. Now it'd be intimidating.

Well, now she's afraid of you. You're stalking her. Just saying she was a good host. She was excellent. It would be interesting if she did come on the BS podcast, which she's invited whenever she wants.

Not that she cares. We want Jennifer Lawrence. Charlize is the highest standard. The guy who won $14 million, if he could appear with Jennifer Lawrence on the same podcast. Better Axe and J-Law

in one week. J-Law, Axe, J-Law. Yeah, we got it. So she came in. She charmed all the writers. She was so funny. She was great during rehearsal. Had her dog, real person.

Really good. I don't know. I don't know, Kimmo. This week, though, Jimmy's back with Idris Elba. Tonight, like I mentioned, Carlos Correa and Daniela Rodriguez, a former Miss Texas. And they're engaged now. Music from Brad Paisley and John Fogerty.

We lost money on Game 6 of the World Series, too. I can't remember. We did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we had. We took the Astros. We thought Houston would, yeah, wrap it up. And then they won anyway.

I stayed away from Game 7. Yeah. I think I lost every bet I made last week. You're better seven. Yeah. I think I lost every bet I made last week. You're better why? WHY? Better Z. Jesus. All right.

Listen, I know my weekly picks on the ringer, I get a lot of flack from one and one, oh and two. I've made money five of the last seven weeks. Take a look at the money I'm betting on each, not just the one and ones. I lost money in the Seahawks. I blew my whole profit wide. We're going to get them back. I am 26-18-1 in the Super Contest.

In the Super Contest, yeah. Yeah, I'm like five games back from the leader. And you don't take the same five games as you do in your column? No. Well, maybe I should. No, I... It's just too much to root for if you're doing pools and super contests and picks right in the column and thursday night and then friday morning you get more intel on stuff i'd like to know what lombardi's doing oh that didn't

work this week thanks to c geek use offer code bsnba for 20 off your first NBA purchase. Go see Porzingis. Did you see Porzingis last night? He's great. Phil Jackson. That block leading to the dunk the other day? Spectacular. Do you think if New Yorkers could only protect one athlete for the next 15 years, would it be Porzingis or Judge?

Oh, man. I think Porzingis is number one now. Eli Manning. Yeah. What do you think, Tate? It's Porzingis. Yeah, I think it would be Judge. I don't know. Over Porzingis? one now. Eli Manning. Porzingis. Yeah. What do you think, Tate? It's Porzingis. Yeah, I think it'd be Judge. I don't know. Over Porzingis? Right now. I think people, I think they fell in love with Judge. There's no wig. There's no

Porzingis wig. It's not as fun. It'd be funny if Porzingis and Judge started hanging out and people started worrying about them. They'd be like, they're out till four in the morning. Matt Harvey. Thanks to Home Depot in 1924, Husky Tools started making things for people who make things.

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at the Home Depot. Who do you have on this week so i'm thinking of getting titus on it you know it's uh we cover uh football college football nfl titus is available college hoop starts this week titus is available titus can also talk mos really yeah will you let him can i borrow him you can borrow titus you have Titus. Maybe he'll help us make money. Yeah, you can have Titus. Okay, good. We haven't announced it yet. Well, we may as well announce it now.

We are spinning off the Tate and Titus podcast. I love it. I heard something about this. Nice. On Wednesday, we'll tell you what the title is. Does it get any better for Tate? The girlfriend's moving in. Verified.

Curry. He's got a work uncle. Spin off. Work dad or work. Work dad. Work wife. It's a lot. A lot going on here.

The Panthers are back. Tate used to respond to my text right away. Now, seven, eight hours in between. Really? Except for Tate. I don't like hearing that. No, that's not true. I just don't like looking at my phone because I get berated.

The more I talk on this podcast, the more hate I get. So I try to pull back. You're doing great, buddy. Doing great. Tate goes back for Thanksgiving in a couple weeks and all the North Carolina people. Yeah. He goes out on Wednesday night and they're going to be shouting things at him that he said on podcasts. They don't care.

They don't care? They don't care. They know what you look like. They're listening to local radio. They're like, David Glenn said this and that. I'm like, all right, thanks, guys. Local radio. Scott Fowler wrote a great column.

Everyone's in the bar like, hey, what's that guy from the Duke lacrosse team doing here? Bounce him. That was a lovely podcast. All right, we're back on, I guess, on Wednesday with another BS podcast. Don't forget to subscribe to Sal's as well. Sal, good job on you. Good job on you,

buddy. Bye. On the wayside I'm a person never lost And I don't have to ever