The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Week 14 With Cousin Sal (Ep. 295)

Episode Date: December 4, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss Gronk's cheap shot (4:15), the Music City Miracle 2.0, (8:20), feeling sorry for Eli Manning (23:30), Jimmy Garoppolo and Bill’s new favorite NFC team (27:05), the goofy playoff picture (33:55), Week 14 lines (39:40), and another edition of Parent Corner (67:12). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network is brought to you by SeatGeek. That's our presenting sponsor. For $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase on NBA tickets, use promo code BSNBASOUTH. I think Clipper tickets are worth $20. So you might be able to get Clipper tickets for $0. Really? Yeah, the Clippers are in the tank. The paper itself is worth not even $20.

Maybe. It might be that good of a deal. Download the Seat tank. The paper itself is worth not even $20. Maybe. It might be that good of a deal. Download the SeatGeek app or go right to SeatGeek.com. We're also brought to you by Verizon. From my friend Peter Berg, the creator of Friday Night Lights, comes QB1, a series that takes you inside the lives of the nation's top high school quarterbacks. True story of high school football in America told through the eyes of the nation's top prospects. Watch QB1 every episode is streaming online.

All you have to do is go to go90.show slash BS go90.show slash BS. Peter Berg. Yeah. You've been in social situations with him before. I like Peter Berg. Our friend Daniel.

Oh, yeah. He's always in the back. They have a very up and down relationship. Yeah. As long as Daniel is at Tiki Bar. We're also brought to you by TheRinger.com where you can find my column every Friday. I might even write twice this week, but I had an Eli mailbag last week comparing Eli to Matt Saracen. Did you agree with that?

That was great. I was really fired up for that one. I think your readers really stepped it up there. Yeah, they really did. It was good. Eli Manning didn't deserve a whole mailbag but deserved an almost mailbag. And then finally, we have the Ringer Podcast Network, the JJ Reddick Podcast that we launched last week that was number one on iTunes for a couple days there.

And then we relaunched Binge Road with Mallory and Jason. People are wondering if because we have the Sixers under bet, that's why you brought JJ Reddick on. To try to jinx them? Like a reverse jinx kind of thing. Interesting. I actually really like watching the Sixers. If we lose that bet, I'll be fine. I love that. watching the Sixers. If we lose that bet, I'll be fine. I love that.

Between you and House, House makes us bet against Tiger Woods, and Tiger Woods is like three strokes up on whoever we had him against, Justin Thomas or something. I stayed away from that one. He's like, I love this. This is so good for my podcast. I'm like, yes, but what about the dollars that we're losing? The worst was when I watched the Celtics kill the Knicks

and talked to you guys in a hornet's sack for Knicks coach. Oh, yeah. That was great. And they immediately won like 7-8. We're terrible at this. Yeah, we're not good. Coming up, we're going to talk about Week 13, Preview Week 14, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

But first, Pearl Jam. So we're taping this on a Sunday night. Yes. A rare one. We had some scheduled conflicts. Came to the office after the Seattle-Philly game. Got locked out of my office. Took an extra half hour freezing before a friendly security guard was able to get us in. This is actually a road game.

We're in another, a different studio. This is where I usually do my podcast. I know. It feels frisky. I feel like this is the invigoration we needed for our relationship. I'll let you know. I'll teach you everything you need to know. We watched Philly and Seattle. Yeah. I don't get to watch football with you a you need to know. We watched Philly and Seattle.

Yeah, I don't get to watch football with you a lot. I know. You actually know what you're – you know about the game. Like you know the rules and everything. You hurt my feelings when you call me an NBA ho all those times. I really had to step it up this year. We usually just watch the Super Bowl together and half of the Shakey's game. But there was a four-year stretch where we watched like every Sunday together.

Yeah, we did. To my wife's chagrin and your wife's chagrin. I don't even think we had kids at that point. No, just a lot of chagrin. There was one year Jimmy was renovating his house and there was another house and he just had like these four crappy TVs next to each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now it's like, now he's got 130-inch TV. Right. Shout out to him. Interesting week. I think Tom Brady took the MVP lead. Really? He didn't throw a touchdown today.

What did he do? I don't care. No? He wasn't a stat whore. He took a huge hit. I was proud of him. He took a huge hit in that game and kept coming, kept coming. A couple of them.

I think Grock's going to get suspended, though. Let's get that out of the way. He should get suspended. Of course he should get suspended. If you don't be like, oh, you weren't hard enough on Simmons. You didn't put it yeah I think rock should be suspended for

that definitely well how many games you don't want just one game nobody gets suspended for two years you know they're gonna beat the Dolphins of course you say one

game you need him there for the Steeler game in two weeks well if he had done that in the Steelers game was next week I'd be pretty mad it was weird I don't I hasn't been explained to

me why he was so upset. I was trying to, and then the other players were like, oh, I would expect him to do that for anyone in that situation. But what happened, there was no impetus for it. I didn't really see it either. I think Gronk should claim insanity. He might get off that way. He's like, you know, I'm a crazy person.

I'm sorry. This is not, and I'm not crazy from football either. I was just born like this. Yeah. Maybe it'll be len I'm not crazy from football either. I was just born like this. Yeah. Maybe it will be lenient. He did like a flying – it was almost a cowboy bob board. Yeah. Like the big thing on his left arm.

He did like the – but the poor guy got concussed. I think he saw the trail of the Andre the Giant dock trailer and he got excited and started – Maybe he did. A lot of people are excited about that. Throwing flying headbutts. That was not good. There's a tortured Pats history in Miami. That was the place where famously—

Three-team teasers went there. The two-month straight of three-team teasers in 04, and then Brady blew a 10-point lead in like a minute. Right. But just going back to my childhood, there's been a lot of losses there. I never write off the Dolphins in Miami. And now no Gronk. Gronk was big in that game.

That game, Bill's Pats was closer than I think people realize. Well, maybe it was. At halftime. This is what you get, Belichick. I was nervous at halftime. Halftime's one thing, but up 20 with 350 left. I know. Why is he in?

This is what you get, Belichick. I'm sorry. I emailed nephew Kyle, who was passed out on some couch in Los Feliz from the night before. Right. And I was like, Brady's getting the shit kicked out of him. This might be the last game of his career. Get over here. What?

By the time Kyle got over here, we're up by 20. Yeah. I was scared. He's taking a lot of hits. The man's 40. We don't run our QB sneak play anymore? It wasn't good. Guy's old.

That's the one thing your offense—because now your defense is as good as anybody else's you pressure the quarterback speaking of nba hole what was more overrated the that the that the calves were going to get an eight seed or that the patriots defense was going to keep them out of the playoff contention yeah that's pretty it's the same thing the problem the calves are putting a bunch of miles on lebron early for no reason at all yeah like he's doing everything. He's playing like it's June, and you're not going to be able to sustain that for 100 games. They won't have to. The Pats, the secondary came through with the Pats.

That's what's happened. Right. They can cover, and now that's enabled them to do a whole bunch of other stuff. And they have trouble with the mobile quarterbacks too. You know what else has really helped the Patriots? What? They play shitty teams every week. Yeah.

It gets easier too. Every year we have the easiest schedule of all time, and you think, like, oh, what a gift from the gods, and then it gets even better the next year. I know. They even caught the Saints in week two. Like, if that game's in week 12, that's a completely different game. Right. The Saints.

And then they went on their eight game. Kamara, yeah. Kamara would torture the Patriots. I don't even think he was born then. He wasn't. He was barely in there. Lombardi had some tweets today about Christian McCaffrey versus Kamara and how the Panthers took McCaffrey eighth overall, and Kamara's just twice as good as him.

And he's doing everything that they wanted McCaffrey to do. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And he breaks tackles at Kamara. He'll break the first three tackles. Don't even go after his legs. It's stupid. Not so Jackson-esque,

but so slippery. I don't watch college football, but everybody seems to agree this guy was awesome in college and was a super sleeper and should have at least gone in the second round. It's like, why would you take Joe Mixon over him? It seems, why would you take Joe Mixon over him?

Right. Like, it seems like he's better than Joe Mixon anyway, and then he doesn't have all the Joe Mixon baggage. Mixon had a criminal past. You got to like that. Maybe that's the team's one of the teams to get tougher. All right, so we got a lot going on this week. Can we talk about my greatest gambling moment ever, I think?

I'm ready. Let's do it. I like Tennessee. This couldn't have been your greatest ever. I think. I'm ready. Let's do it. I like Tennessee. This couldn't have been your greatest ever. I think Gary Russell is still your greatest. Yeah, I think so. I mean, there's different levels of this, but in terms of how effing lucky I got, no, I don't think this will be topped.

The Titans are my best bet. It's the only thing I liked. Was it seven or six and a half? It was six and a half a lot of places, but when I made the video for the ringer, I said seven. I was like, you know what? It's seven on this site that I always use. Let's go with seven. I don't care.

They lost 57-14 to Houston with Deshaun Watson. Houston's whole off. I saw on Twitter today, it's like they're missing their left tackle. Yeah, right. All these guys in the line. All these guys and Titans had 11 sacks in the last two games. Macho man Tommy Savage is involved. He always turns the ball over.

He had like 11 turnovers and 12 turnovers in five games. I pig-piled on it in the Super Contest. Everything was great. Of course they're going to win by seven. And it was a dogshit pick. They were terrible. They were down 10-0. They miraculously come back.

And then they're up 17-10. And then it's 17-13. And then they're running out the clock. And it's third and five. their own 25 with 57 seconds left, and the Texans have no timeouts. Arguably, you take a knee there, and you punt with 15 seconds. You even left out stuff. I know, I know.

I'm just too nervous. They're down four. Savage throws an interception in the end zone. Right. And the guy, instead of just down in the end zone, runs it out. So I have a chance there. So there's this dick tease of the 108-yard, and then he gets tackled. And it's like, all right, they can't kneel because there's two timeouts,

minute 10, and then it was 39. But they've done this before. Derrick Henry broke one earlier in the thing. It was a night game against the Colts. It was earlier in the season. So I was kind of happy. I hadn't totally given up, but I was. I was in a bar.

I brought my 12-year-old boy to a bar because I'm a good father. That's right. I love it. I brought him to a sports bar. And I'm watching, and I have my arms folded, and then Henry breaks it off. Like I said. Then the guy's coming over.

It looks like he's going to shove him out of bounds. It looks so close. He's going to get shoved out of bounds. Yeah. And my son's like watching and like grab. And I let out a noise that only like World War II veterans let out. And maybe our friend Brad every once in a while. Yeah.

And everyone's looking at me because it means nothing towards a game that already won. And Henry probably should have gone down in bounds anywhere from his own 25 to the goal line. That's when he turns it on, going for those garbage time TVs. God bless. Whatever cleat he was wearing with the charity, I have to donate. So I'm going to find out. Do you feel like with gambling that you can go on little runs where these things start happening in your favor? I think so.

For at least a few months, you just end up on the right side of history over and over again with these. I am hoping I'm going to knock on wood. I'm hoping this is a sign for... You've been good anyway. Tell them about your super contest picks. Everybody did well. I'm in the super contest.

I'm 39-25-1. And you pick five a week. I've been at 11-4 the last three weeks. Somehow it's not translated into my column. I don't know. Somehow I picked the best one. This week I had the Falcons, which we should talk about that game. Let's talk about it.

Everything happened in that game that I thought was going to happen except the Falcons couldn't throw the ball. Like Minnesota didn't even get to 20 points. They finished at 17. They hit Keenan the whole game. Murray was good. Murray was kind of a sneaky signing for them. But I just can't believe the Falcons couldn't get to 20 points at home.

And it wasn't like a fluke or they missed some throws. Like, in other games where the Falcons left points on the table, you're like, oh, man, Ryan missed some throws. They had nothing going that whole game. The guys weren't open. Ryan was terrified and had happy feet. And I never felt like they were going to come back in that game. And now I think they're out of the playoffs.

I don't think they happened. I think I'll do us both a favor right now. I think we should say something nice about the Minnesota Vikings. There's a lot of hatred. I tried on Friday. People hate us on Twitter. I tried on Friday. I made the case for Case Keenum as a lot of hatred. I tried on Friday. People hate us on Twitter. I tried on Friday. All over the place.

I did a whole—I made the case for Case Keenum as a late bloomer. You made the case for Keenum. QB, I listed all these old— Yeah. 13—there was 13 quarterbacks late 20s or later. Tony Romo, one of them. It's conceivable. Yeah.

They're good. They're damn good defensively. You hold Julio to—what do you have, 24 yards? Well, they did something today that I wasn't— Atlanta had under 300 yards total offense at home. Right. I wasn't convinced that their pass defense could do that, and they did it. So now.

Very good. They're going to be tough. The NFC is good, man. I don't know. Rams, Vikings, Saints, Seahawks now. So Eagles 10-2, but at Rams this week. Yeah. Eagles.

I'm sorry, the Eagles. Yeah, no. At the Rams 10-2, but at Rams this week. Yeah. Eagles. I'm sorry, the Eagles. Yeah, no. At the Rams 10-2. Minnesota's at Carolina, and I didn't like how Carolina looked today, but we've seen them zig when you think they're going to zag all season. But there's a path now for Minnesota to be the one seed. Sure. Which would be amazing because conceivably, round two, round three in Minnesota,

Super Bowl in Minnesota, they might not have to leave Minnesota now. All they have to do is hope the Rams beat Philly. They've already beaten the Rams. Hard to believe, but yet I guess not that hard to believe because this happens every year. There's always a team. We wait for them to hit for the clock to strike midnight,

and then it just doesn't happen. And unlike we've discussed this before, but I think there could be an 11-5-6 seed, or at least an 11-5-5 seed. Right. In the NFC. Right now we have Carolina and Seattle at 8-4 as the two wild cards. Yeah.

So if one of them goes 3-1, they have tough slates kind of the rest of the way, but I think one of them could go through. I don't think Carolina wins three out of the next four. Carolina's home for Minnesota, home for Green Bay, home for Tampa. Green Bay is— But Rogers, week 15. Mm-hmm Tampa. But Rodgers, week 15. And then at Atlanta, week 17.

And Green Bay, they screwed up with the injured reserve, right? They didn't have to put Rodgers on injured reserve? They screwed up. And the thing I don't understand about that is it's a, what, a 53-man roster? Yeah. So they did that when, what is it, like at the ninth defensive back?

Mm-hmm. It's not like, couldn't have been that. Well, I guess it doesn't matter if Green Bay goes to Cleveland this week and wins, but they'd better. I wouldn't sleep on Seattle's last four as not even sneaky difficult, like openly difficult. They're at Jacksonville this weekend, home for the Rams week 15. Right. At Dallas week 16. You have Zeke back for that game or not?

And then home for Arizona, that's an easy one, I guess. But those next three are rough. We watched tonight. What do you take from tonight? I think they were good. They rushed a passer, which we haven't seen before in a while with Seattle, but they got a little lucky. Obviously, Wendz

fumbling through the end zone. The pitch that was forward, they would have had a punt up seven in the fourth. Wentz fumbling through the end zone was big. Wentz on the fourth and one when he just screwed up the lob screen pass to that guy who then most running backs would have figured out how to catch that ball and he couldn't. That was a touchdown. And then there was another time he... I actually...

You remember from Madden in the 90s. I used to call this the no fucking way game. When you're playing a Madden season and the computer at some point is like, fuck you. You're not winning. And you're just like five interceptions, fumbles. Everything goes wrong. You just can't win. That was tonight for

Philly. That felt like tonight for Philly. It was just everything that could have went wrong, went wrong. I could see that, and yet they were in it. But look, Seattle, this is what they show with Stat. He's like 19-5 in December slash January. Pete Carroll in the last however many years, five, six years.

They're still sloppy. Dumb timeouts. You see that there's sloppiness with them this year that I think is a bad sign. I feel like that Graham wide open in the end zone. I think he scored like eight of the last nine games or something. This could be where they pick it up, but they are sloppy. There's a legitimate Wilson MVP case that's going to be a narrative.

That's another thing people are all over us for. We're taping this Sunday night. It's going to be up Sunday night. Yeah. I bet Monday, Tuesday will be, I'll tell you who might be the MVP, Russell Wilson. Oh, yeah. That's going to be two days of that. Get ready for that.

Oh, I was getting whose resume is this and this, and Wentz wasn't too much ahead of hustle and bustle, Russell. Wentz was great, though. I mean, my thing is if the Eagles were 10-1 and the Pats were 9-2 and the Seahawks are 7-4, I don't know how you say Wilson's the MVP. Yeah. Wins have to matter at least somewhat. This isn't baseball. Right, but if Seattle wins the much better NFC West then

Wentz beating up on the NFC East, I don't know. Your division's not that bad. It's alright. It's okay. The Redskins were, at least the first half of the season, were a little friskier than it. And your team, you know, even despite the clapper. I will say tomorrow, if it's pile on Gronkowski day tomorrow

with all the ESPN people, I'm probably not going to take it well. Really? I might fire some tweets, yeah. What are you going to say? Well, ESPN just loves whenever the Pats, there's any sort of anything, and they can come at the Pats. We all agree. Gronk suspended for a game.

There are 50 to 70 plays during a season that people get suspended for. He's one of the 50 to 70. This happens all the time. That's it. We all agree. Gronk should get suspended. I wish we did this Monday now. I want to see the vitriol of one of your beloved Patriots get suspended.

I know what ESPN will do tomorrow. They'll make a big deal out of this and they'll show 90 angles of the forearm. Can they fire Gronk? They seem to like doing stuff like that. What if Belichick preemptively suspended him for a week before the NFL

says that happened before? No, I'm going to suspend him. But Gronk's like, but coach, you told me to hit that guy. Wait a week. Oh, wow. Before the NFL says, that happened before? Wow, the team suspended him. No, I'm going to suspend him. Yeah. But Gronk's like, but coach, you told me to You told me to hit that guy. Wait a minute. There was some weird post-game stuff where the Pats were mad because they felt Buffalo was trying to score on Stephon Gilmore.

Oh, I didn't see that. And there was like Bill's Pats bitterness. There's always like weird Bill's Pats bitterness. Why is there bitterness? The Patriots take all their players and make them stars. Yeah, we take all their players and we just beat them like a drum. Chris Hogan had to sit out today. But otherwise, he would have three touchdowns. Yeah.

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in 2017 than it was in 1992 how would you know? 25 years because I was single in 1992 oh yeah but

we didn't have all this stuff oh we didn't have this yeah no I know it would have been great it would have been nice to go on eHarmony and fill out a lot of questions

and try to meet somebody that I was compatible with alright it just would have what do we have at 1992? You just go to a bar and hope you start talking to somebody. We didn't have anything. I'm trying to think what there was.

I want to read a couple emails. All right. Glenn Riley wants to know, we need an app that tells coaches how to handle fourth quarter run pass plays when they're protecting a leader managing the clock. Can we name it the Andy Reader? Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. He even. Can we name it the Andy Reader? Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. He even spelled it like Reed, the Andy Reader.

Yeah. He didn't – it wasn't a time management thing today. And it's funny. It's just a bad, bad mojo. He turned over the play calling to the offensive coordinator, Andy Reed. And they scored. They were up 14-0. Yeah.

And they scored in the 30s and they still lost to the freaking Jets. Team has bad mode. I mean, the dude throwing the flag into Marcus Peters, who everybody says is nuts, but throwing the flag in the stands. Yeah. Never seen anything like that before. I love that. I love it.

And then the ref threw his hat because, you know, when you don't have a flag and when you have to throw another flag, you only have one, you throw the hat. And I was like, oh, please pick it up and throw that into the stands too. How much shit can you throw? Just throw all the reps clothes. His shirt, everything. It would have been so Jetsy for the fan to get hit in the eye like Orlando Brown

with the flag and like wheel the guy out. The guy's blinded. The guy was so excited to have a handkerchief. It was crazy. It's been a great season for the Jets. I guess you'll never catch, like you can catch 100 home run balls, but you will never, he'll brag to his friends, like you'll never, I don't care where you sit, how many games you go to,

you'll never catch a flag like I did. Well, I'm always jealous when the people get the bats. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the baseball games, yeah. But almost every time nobody gets hurt. The person who gets the bat, it's like they're holding

like a deer head. Right. Right. John from Boston wants to know, who would you rather start at QB in a playoff game, Joe Flacco or Edie Falco? He says he makes a case for Edie.

Edie would understand her job is to hand the ball off to Alex Collins, and her performances in the post-game press conferences would blow Joe out of the water. I don't know. I think Edie's tougher. You saw her on the Sopranos. Edie's tougher.

She had a lot of adversity to deal with, and she got through it all. I'd have about the same amount of hope with both on a road playoff game. Yeah. He wasn't awful today. He was awful in the first drive and then all of a sudden looked competent for a few drives. They're a little bit, tiny bit scary when they're on. Well, they lost Jimmy Smith today.

Yeah, that was bad. Mallory Rubin, deputy editor of The Ringer, host of Binge Mode and the most beloved crazy person on our staff. She pointed out on our Slack today that both people involved with the Kaepernick Super Bowl, like that last drive when they didn't score, when they could have won the

Super Bowl, both Ravens are now out for the year with injuries. What do you mean? Oh, Jimmy Smith. And then who else is out for the year on the Ravens defense? Not Suggs, but one of those other types of guys. Right. Who knows? I probably should have prepared one of those other types of guys. Right. Who knows? I probably should have prepared one for that fact.

I'm not sure. Steve from Barnes, Kansas says, with all the Eli-loving hating going on, I can't believe you always seem to leave out the most Eli thing ever. Leading a come-from-behind drive in the Super Bowl for the win and somehow accidentally scoring the winning points.

There's nothing more Eli than we didn't mean to score the touchdown that won us the Super Bowl. He's talking about the second Super Bowl. That was a very Eli moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should talk about Eli. Let's discuss it. This happened after our last podcast.

I decided there's no way I'm ever going to feel bad for this guy after what he's been through. I think he had two excellent playoff runs and then all mediocre the rest of the way. He was 8-0 in two postseasons and never won another playoff game. Never again. It's an incredible stat. And now I feel bad for him. That's the thing with Eli.

That's why he's the luckiest MF-er of all time. Yeah, but why? He's been mediocre or worse for two and a half years, and now everyone feels bad for him, and he's probably going to get another awesome job out of this. But why do we feel bad for him? He's not charismatic. He does seem like a nice guy, I will say.

Sure, but he doesn't get excited when his brother wins a Super Bowl. Like they cut away. His brother's a dick. I know there's something wrong, but I know. I'm just personality-wise, why are we like, oh, boy, this is wrong to do to Eli. And yet I feel that way. I think people feel just fundamentally rude for the youngest brother. Interesting.

Okay. I think it's a scenario. Is he the youngest? There's not a younger one. He's the youngest. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right.

And he was always in the shadow of Peyton. Yeah. And also, like, the streak was pretty okay. Yeah. All right. And he was always in the shadow of Peyton. Yeah. And also, like, the streak was pretty cool. I don't know. 210 straight starts is something. That's fun. And I thought if he had gotten a 250, he would have had a chance to go to the All-Star. I'll tell you what.

I want him to play against the Cowboys next week. I think he deserves that. Gino wasn't awful this week. It was fine. They might have the worst slew of running backs in the history of the league, which is weird because everybody has multiple running – like we were watching the Seahawks game today. Who was that guy, Mike Davis?

Yeah, they got everyone. It's like, who is this guy? This guy's the fourth best running back in the league. Right. The Pats have Deion Lewis and Rex Burkhead, who either guy could do anything. And the Giants have five guys who stink. And Darkwood, what do you have, seven carries for a yard?

Seven carries for a yard for Darkwood. I think they have one offensive touchdown in the last three weeks. By the time this posts, are they going to have a new coach? Or are they going to be without a coach? Yeah, so we're taping this. It's 9.23 Sunday night West Coast time right now. By the time you hear this, Ben McAdoo might be a Ben McAdone officially. And here's what I don't get.

At this point, you're rooting for the draft pick, right? Yeah. I want the worst coach possible. If you're going to replace him, I need to know I'm getting somebody worse than Ben McAdoo. Maybe an Edie Falco is available? Well, should we have her on the Ravens already? Oh, yeah, that's right. All the good ones.

Yeah. Maybe the late James Gandoffini. Yeah, just stick him in there. Just a mannequin. I don't know. I don't know. They can't mess with that pick. It is such a weird thing

because the management wants a better pick. Yeah. This guy wants to win, so he puts Geno Smith in. He's like, no, no, no, you're screwing with our plan. Are we sure he did that, though?

I still haven't heard the right story. You know, Eli also— Are you sure the owners didn't tell them to do this? I thought Eli said something to the effect of, don't keep me in just to keep the streak going. And that kind of opened the floodgates. Like, that made the decision for them. McAdoo's like, all right, then we won't do that.

And everyone's like, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Who do you think you are? Yeah. Hard timer? You know, it's strange. Well, we saw the good version of it with the Niners today. Oh, you're putting them in the Hall of Fame.

I had that game. I had the three TVs going today. You love this guy. Four TVs, three TVs. Garoppolo is awesome in that game. They only had 15 points. He has the worst slew of receivers and running backs probably of anyone who played today. Yeah. Other than maybe the Giants. And I think Evan Ingram is probably backs probably of anyone who played today. Yeah.

Other than maybe the Giants. And I think Evan Ingram's probably better than anyone in the Niners. Yeah. He threw one pick because Marquise Lee caught it and then just held it out for the defensive back to rip it away from him. But Garoppolo, he's under pressure the whole game. Really good Bears defense at home. Not a really good Bears defense, but at home they have a certain energy.

They lost Pernell McPhee during the game, which is enough. I don't care who you are. You start that last drive on the road inside your five. 80 yards. And get them all the way down. He just lights out that whole game and making the right moves. I'll tell you, that's kind of a dangerous December spoiler team. I think he's good. I think he's good.

I think he's one of the nine best quarterbacks in the league. They've played Arizona probably twice. That's true. Forty-nine. Well, like this week, they're playing— I guess they have the Rams and the Titans and the Jaguars. That's true. And the Texans.

So this week they're playing the Texans in Houston. We haven't done the lines yet. We've crossed them both off, right? I'm picking the Niners. I'm betting on them. I'm putting them in the Super Conference. You love them. I believe in Jimmy G.

And I think they're hesitant to put him in because they didn't want to screw their pickup. But I think it's better to do it this way. They're still going to get a top seven pick. You get this guy for five weeks. He kicks ass. You feel great. It's like we have a this way. They're still going to get a top seven pick. You get this guy for five weeks. He kicks ass. You feel great. It's like we have a quarterback. This is awesome.

It's going to the offseason with our quarterback. It's a much better way to do it. I like what you said tonight while we were watching the game. You're like, I finally have an NFC team. I do. I love Jimmy G. The Rams moved to L.A. after 700 years. The Chargers, I know they're AFC, but that's your new team now.

Well, yeah. He's two-time champ, Jimmy Garoppolo. He's got two rigs. I love that guy. And you picked him up in fantasy. You know. That was adorable.

I saw that. Yeah. Well, I might start him. I might start him with one of these playoff games. This is, you know who your first playoff game is against?

I didn't bring this up to you before. It's me and you. Are you sure? The four versus five. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh, no.

Bring it on. Oh, let's do this. I'm in a terrible slump. This is perfect time to play me. You're going to get some Ricky Seals Jones thrown at you. I don't even know what that is. Yeah.

That's what's going to happen. Hey, let's talk about our captains. Oh, yeah. Every week, Sal and I pick captains. Mm-hmm. And the reason we do this is because the captain will not rest

until he's brought his adventurous spirit and delicious rum to every corner of America. Is that why we do it? Yeah, that's why we do it. Captain Morgan has spiced up life

quite a bit. Collection of rum, each with its own distinctive flavor and personality. Original spice, coconut, pineapple, white, black,

grapefruit, can't speak, whatever you want. The captain loves anyone who learns to mix like a captain. Who's your captain this week? I'll tell you what. This is a little out there. My captain, a friend of ours, Jake Bird.

Oh, my old fantasy partner. Your old fantasy partner. Yeah. For those of you who don't know Jake Bird, shame on you. Jake Bird is a character. He appears on Jimmy Kimmel Live. I know this is a little self-serving, but— A character played by a character.

Played by our friend Tony Barbieri. And Jake has broken up, like, the Paris Hilton trial, the Michael Jackson trial, Trump rally. This week he went to Roy Moore's church where he was having a rally. His thing is he pretends to be on the side of these people who are under scrutiny. Roy Moore has had trouble. And he got in the church. He was right in front of Roy Moore. And God bless.

He's all over the news. He put together a great piece. He's the funniest thing on television. He's crazy, our friend Tony Barbieri. He's nuts. He's been doing Jake Byrd for so long that I was working for Jimmy Show and he created Jake Byrd. He was a little tiny bird. It was named after Jake Lentz's – it was named after Jake Lentz and Jake Lentz had a bird.

I got Jake Lentz. He wanted to get a bird? No, no. No, no. We had a secret Santa and I got Jake a bird. And normally people would be like, screw you. I'm not taking care of this bird. But because Jake is such a nice person, it's like, oh, damn it. I have to take care of this bird. But because Jake is such a nice person,

he's like, oh, damn it, I have to take care of this bird and became the bane of his existence. Jake Bird came from that. But he is fearless, our friend. He is. He is like those MMA fighters. Like, oh, this guy doesn't care what happens to him. He's comedy's version of that.

And he has a family. He doesn't care. And Tony was voted out of our Fantasy League. So props to him for this. I want to win our Fantasy League because I'm voting out Craig Powell and Brian Barton. You are? Yeah. Why? That's happening. I'm just telling you now. Don't even show up to the draft

for us. Wow. Only three people in our draft have not been voted out. They're one of the three. Every year, I get in a bidding war with them for Tom Brady and they always it just becomes clear that whatever price

it's going to go to Powell's going to pay right guess what he's not going to be paying for Tom Brady this year he's going to be sitting he's going to be leaving

don't even bring your notebooks fellas wow I'm keeping Tom Brady to myself wow you better hope I don't win you better hope it

I love that you think Tom Brady's going to be a quarterback next year oh he sure is and guess what if I don't take him I better hope it. I love that you think Tom Brady's going to be a quarterback next year. Oh, he sure is. And guess what? If I don't take him, I'm going to take my man Jimmy Garoppolo because he's my captain. Well, no one's. Oh, he is.

Oh, he's such my captain. I'll wear a captain's hat for the next Niners game. I love that guy. Do it. What a great guy. You know, he learns from Brady. He just takes all of his knowledge. He just follows him.

He studies him. It's a little like Tate Frazier, my podcast producer, who just studies my every move, sits waiting in the ring. And now Tate has two podcasts. Tate's the Jimmy Garoppolo of the rigor. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And now here's Jimmy G.

He learns the ropes. Never threatens Tom Brady. Just supportive as hell. Never says, when am I getting my turn? And they finally do him a solid. They send him to San Francisco with Kyle Shanahan, and now he's a franchise guy for them, my captain. Wow.

So Tate's sort of a co-captain there. Tate is the Jimmy Garoppolo of podcasts. I like that. Oh, poor Powell and Barton. You're going to rip both of them out. Those guys are done. You know what else you could do? That's the thing is that I'm not going to do the thing where you're going to go to the draft

and not know if you're going to vote it out. You don't like that? I'm telling them right now. It's December. They're out. Well, that's good. Well, they're out of the playoffs, so you don't have to worry about them retaliating. Yeah, I know.

They're out. Yeah. The other thing is you could vote yourself out because you've been saying for years that you don't want to vote. I love fantasy. I'm totally back. I really, really enjoy it. It's been really fun this year. I have to be. So let's do

some Week 13 lines. Anything else you want to cover? 14. Oh wait, we've got to do quickly just the playoff picture because we talk about this all the time. Pat Steelers top two. Jags Tennessee are somehow 8-4, still the third and fourth best teams in the AFC. It's unbelievable.

But even more unbelievable, Baltimore is our fifth best AFC team. And even more unbelievable than that, if Cincy somehow beats Pittsburgh tomorrow, we're going to have a five-way tie at six and six. Wow. For the fifth playoff seed between Buffalo, who lost Tyrod Taylor. They said he's not out for the year. They got to be done now. They're awful.

They lose a tiebreaker to the Chargers and the Bengals. Right. KC, who's basically gotten the Ebola virus. The Red Heart Chargers. The Raiders, who are terrible. I don't know how to go against them, but maybe at KC this week. They stink. And then, yeah, at KC this week. They stink.

And then, yeah, one of those teams is making the playoffs. In the Bengals, you said, right? Yeah. In the Bengals, yeah. So Baltimore, 7-5 at Pittsburgh Sunday night this week. At Cleveland, home for Indy, home for Cincy. They're going to get to 10 wins. Yeah.

Wow. The Baltimore Ravens are going to win 10 games. They've lost I don't know, 5 of their 11 best players for the season. I've seen them lose 8 games. Their quarterback's awful. Their running back was way by the Seahawks. He was like the 5th string Seahawks guy. They have no receivers.

I don't know who they throw to. Every time somebody catches it, it's either Mike Wallace or somebody I've never heard of. They're going to be 10-6. And we are going to be looking at who – so I guess the tiebreaker for Tennessee – The Ravens lost to the Jaguars 44-7. They lost to the Steelers 26-9. So week 17 is Jacksonville.

I can't believe this. Yeah. Jacksonville is at Tennessee, and that's going to decide the AFC South. Yes. That will also decide who Baltimore plays. And I was saying to you, Baltimore-Jacksonville is a stay away from us if it's a playoff game for us. It feels like the defenses could score more than the offenses.

How do you even? Baltimore at Tennessee. I think Baltimore could beat Tennessee. I think Tennessee blows. Yeah. I'm not betting Tennessee Tennessee I was so mad at them today I was saying to you after I was like I don't know

Tennessee's 8-4 I can't think of one thing they do well they run the ball kinda well Mariota looks skittish today Marietta just sails passes

over people's heads how long's he been in the league? this is his third year right? this is it was his Winston year. Yeah. Their defense blows. I talk about how teams don't practice.

I was like, did this guy practice this week? Tennessee has that out route, that eight-yard route, and it doesn't really matter who the cornerback is, but the ball is nowhere close. Did you practice this week? Because it looks like you didn't. And here's the other thing with them. They take 40 seconds to run every play.

The pace of it is just so freaking slow. It's like they love themselves. It's always in the red. Four, three, two, one. Yeah. You know, and sometimes people like blog, they'll take like excerpts of us saying something and then it'll seem like it's blown out of proportion. They'll grab.

They don't capture the irony of our conversation. There is no irony to be captured. Tennessee sucks. Wow. That team stinks. I was so mad I bet on them today. I was angry too. It's like Tom Savage had a concussion in the second quarter.

He's throwing for 300 yards. They blow. Yeah. Yeah, Tom Savage had, what did he have, like 316 yards or something? I think like 12 teams stink and they're one of the 12 that stinks. I can't, at some point we will bet against them. 365, yeah. Tom Savage.

And Tennessee had, before that last drive, I think they had like 270 yards or something. I don't know. It was unbelievable. No, less than that. We were talking about it earlier, about how Hopkins was the only guy on the field who could hurt them. Yeah. They knew that, and he was open over and over again. Or they held him.

Or they committed pass interference. Yeah, that was really bad. I'm sorry. How is that team 8-4? I'm sorry I made you watch that for three hours. They're poorly coached? Ugh. I mean, look.

By the way, we could be ripping— The 95-year-old defensive coordinator. We could be ripping 20 teams like this, but I just can't believe— They're going to make the playoffs. I can't believe they might go 11-5. But if you look at their schedule at Arizona this week, and Arizona's not awful. Gabbard was bad today. But then at San Francisco, I think they could lose.

Home for the Rams, they could lose. Home for Jacksonville, they might finish at nine wins. Maybe that isn't for the title then, the AFC South. I think Jacksonville is better than Tennessee. Yeah, at least they have identity. You may not love their quarterback, but. Yeah, I'm sorry. The good thing is that no Tennessee fan who actually watches their team

will get mad about this. Going to disagree? Because they stink. Yeah, they were bad today. I know. I was so pissed off at them. And they covered. Even like when you watch a team like Baltimore who also stinks,

you at least go, oh, they have a good defense. Oh, man, that team's pretty good with a lead. They're going to make plays. Jacksonville, same thing. It's like, oh, they have a good defense. You can point to things. Try this. Tennessee, I can't point to anything.

I was in the sports bar, and the Tennessee Texans game was next to the Patriots game, and I hate stale offenses. And that's what it was, Tennessee. It's like, second and eight after a run, we're going to run again to make third down more manageable, right into the line, right into the line, and then hopefully the tight end's open, doesn't drop the pass. Mariano was a top two pick in the draft. They act like he's Tom Savage.

I don't understand that. They shouldn't go backwards. And where's the imagination? How about going to no huddle every once in a while? Just mix it up in some way. Nothing. Ugh, that was like the walking dead for three hours. Thursday night, a really good game.

A shockingly good game. Atlanta playing for their season. Yeah, this is it. This is a must win for them. Against New Orleans, who took care of business today in Carolina. Caught a couple breaks. McCaffrey was banged up. Greg Olson was scratched.

They got the lead. I don't know. I think the Saints won by 10, but that was a beatdown at home. It was a beatdown. That was another one. They hadn't had one of those since, I think, like, I 10, but that was a beatdown at home. It was a beatdown. That was another one. They hadn't had one of those since, I think, like, I might be wrong on this, but I think Detroit was the last one, and that ended up kind of close too. But they would do for just an all-out, the offense comes to life,

and Drew Brees reminds you who he is, and that's what that was. Well, they're good with the lead because the two running backs, if they're up 10, the game's basically over. Ingram's been awesome this year. How is Ingram? He has different moves. Yeah. How do you create different moves this late in your career?

That's probably – is that the best one-two back combo? Has to be, right? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. I was thinking both all pros. Deion Lewis and Rex Burkard, but that – I don't know. Probably not.

No. I don't think it's so. So relax there. No, but Deion – Ingram, if you had like a Sega controller, you'd have to add three buttons for what he does. He's just phenomenal. Yeah, he does a very good job of just stopping and changing direction. Yeah, a little bit of Le'Veon Bell in this year.

I have the Falcons by two and a half. You're going to get this. I said three. It's one and a half. You're going to get this. I said three. It's one and a half. That's fair. I think. Well, they got down to, what, two, two and a half against Minnesota by the time it kicked off?

I think the Vikings, whatever they figured out against the Falcons today is not a good sign for the Falcons because they cannot get anybody open. Lattimore makes a big difference. And if you have, I mean, obviously, it's all Julio Jones. If he's going to get 250 yards against you, you're not going to win. If he's going to get 24, you're going to be on the short end. That's the thing with the Falcons, especially when they can't get going like they couldn't today.

Just run the mat and play. Just run the straight line, 45-yard pass. I think they tried, though. I think they did try. I would just run it every four plays. Yeah. Sunday marquee game. Great one.

Eagles at the Rams. Yeah. I am not going to overreact to the Eagles' loss because I think they were due for a game like that, and it's a long season, and everybody has a game like that, and they were completely overdue for it. So we'll see how they respond. We have seen – so you have the team that starts off 4-0 or 5-0 and collapses.

We had that this year with the Chiefs. Right. We also have the – we have the contender team that with about four or five weeks to go, Craters. I don't know who that team is going to be. Oh. I'm not saying it's the Eagles. You think it might be in this game?

No, it's usually we have that team every year, right? We have them like we bet them? Yes. No, no, no. Just we see that team. So it could be. Yeah, you're right. Well, maybe it's Atlanta.

Maybe it is Atlanta. Or it could be Carolina. It's probably from Atlanta. Or Atlanta. I mean, Atlanta might not even be a playoff team. Yeah. The one thing we should mention with the Eagles that we didn't mention, Doug Peterson didn't challenge the forward throw on the Russell Wilson.

He did that weird pitch play over the line of scrimmage. Yeah. And they didn't challenge it, and I thought that was egregious. It made me worried for—Lombardi's been killing Doug Peterson all year. He needs that to happen. He needs Doug Peterson to be bad. Yeah, he needs a couple more of those moments. That was pretty bad, though. Well, here's a good rule of thumb.

Whenever a quarterback is running full speed ahead and doesn't slow down to pitch it, that's going to be a forward. That's not going to be a lateral. That's going forward. I'm saying that to you in the moment. It's not like he stopped on a dive. It's an optical illusion, but the ball, you really have to throw it backwards for the ball not to go forward.

Yeah. You have to fling it behind your head. Wilson was great in that game. He was excellent. I got Eagles minus three over the Rams. See, you nailed this one. I said Rams minus two. I figured home field. Why not?

And it's Philly minus two. But now I'm thinking there are going to be a lot of Philly fans there. A lot of Philly fans. That's a borderline home game for Philly. I forgot about that. I didn't realize that. But this is Goff and Wentz. There's so much to prove with these guys.

I think the Rams miss Woods a little bit. Yeah? Noticed that a little bit in that Cardinals game. I was scared early. But they're like one wide receiver short for how they play, and I'll be interested to see if it manifests itself against the Eagles. It is weird. It's a great game. The Rams, the

Vikings, and who were we just talking about? The Eagles. No great receivers. Yeah, you could say Adam Thielen. Adam Thielen's good. I know, but two years ago you weren't, you know. Nah, but he's in the top three now. I guess.

Don't be biased against a kid these weight. I'm just saying these teams are doing it. I hate these white guys. I don't know. I don't know what they're doing. No, I don't care.

Well, the Eagles are the one that That's what I said, yeah. Jeffrey's probably their best guy, but Aguilar is, like, he steps up, but I think these quarterbacks are making these guys better. The Pats,

you know, Gronk and Cooks are making these guys better. The Pats, you know, Gronk and Cooks are A-listers. Buffalo took out Cooks today and the Pats just went to Gronk and they went to their running backs and figured it out.

But those two guys are better than anyone the Eagles have. Wow. Poop Fecta is six deep this week. No, there's got to be some. Oh, okay.

Then we go to the Watchables. Right. All right. No, then we go to the Browns. The Browns. Yeah. I had six deep. week. No, there's got to be – oh, okay. Then we go to the watchables. Right. All right. No, then we go to the Browns. The Browns. Yeah. I had six deep. You could really talk me into seven or eight, but I had six.

Okay. We'll start, as always, with the Cleveland Browns. They covered. They covered. Congratulations to them. They are home for the Green Bay Packers who won a game in overtime and covered today where their quarterback, even late in the fourth quarter, had like 80 yards passing. He did, didn't he?

Yeah. I don't know what he finished with, but it wasn't a lot. He had that drive and then the overtime. He's not very talented. They won anyway. And now they're in Cleveland with, it's amazing, but a legitimate chance to hang around here in the playoffs. Yeah.

They win this. They're at Carolina the next week, home from Minnesota. And then Detroit. We'll have Aaron Rodgers if they win, right? That's what I mean. Yeah. They get through this game at Carolina, home from Minnesota, at Detroit with allegedly healthy Aaron Rodgers.

That's all they wanted him to be, 7-6 going into those last three games. They could get to 10-6. Yep. And then it would come down to tiebreakers, stuff like that. Well, Carolina plays Green Bay, obviously, in Week 15. Right. And if that was their tiebreaker and Green Bay beat Carolina, Green Bay's going.

Mm-hmm. So there's a path. I don't know how they're 6-6. By the way, they almost won that Steelers game. Yeah. I have Packers by 7.5. Oh, wow. You went high.

I don't blame you for going high, but I said 4.5, and it's 4. There is some truth to that you can't make the Browns anything less than seven points. Yeah, I was trying to figure out what line would make me think about the Browns, and it had to be over seven. Next poop fact again. Let me just say this. Can I just say about Josh Gordon? It's always like a great thing when he's coming back.

Is he going to be the guy that plays like one game every three years for the Browns? It's like we got a lot of plays in our system for him. Until he's like 60 years old and the Browns are still's like, we got a lot of plays in our system for him. Until he's like 60 years old and the Browns are still trying to figure out their quarterback situation. It's like, oh, he caught one pass for 28 yards. He's back. Wow. What he does for this offense. I just think after, you know, failed test

after failed test, he's just going to be around for three more decades. Seven years later, Jason Garrett's going to be figuring out how to get him in his offense. Speaking of Jason Garrett, the Clapper. He's at the New York Giants this week. Wow, what a beautiful game for you. Put Eli back.

Come on, let's see it. I have the Cowboys favored by six and a half. Yeah, that's what I said. And it's currently six. Took care of business Thursday. I don't know. Chino wasn't awful in that game. Wasn't awful.

Still the same offense. There was five worst quarterbacks that I watched today. I don't think you realize how bad the Raiders defense is. He probably should have done more against them. The Raiders are terrible. Yeah. They're another one. Another bad one to watch.

Raiders-Titans. I don't know what I would bet. But yeah, the Raiders, they stink too. Another team that stinks that you could make a decent case. This is now the worst team in the league, the Denver Broncos, right? Denver Broncos versus Cleveland Browns on a neutral field. Who do you bet on? Denver. Although I have to say.

Denver minus three. I would take Cleveland plus three. You would? I would. I think Denver is a dumpster fire. I think Kaiser Soso is better than Simeon. I really do. Kaiser Soso is definitely better than Simeon.

Simeon doesn't go through his progressions. He doesn't look off receivers. It's just bad. He's a pick six waiting to happen every time he drops back. Well, congratulations because I think Vance Joseph is going to be one and done like Marvin Bagley. Oh, man. Bad hire. This is Jets at Denver?

Yeah. I got the Jets by four. I said Jets by two. I was lost with this one. So pick them. Oh, that's bad. I love the Jets. I think the Jets are good.

The Jets could have like three more wins. They're better than the Broncos. They absolutely could have beaten Carolina last week. They blew that game. But they're always in these games. Here's another terrible one. The aforementioned poo-poo Titans. They're at Arizona.

Such a stay away. I kind of like Arizona. This is a stay away ball. If the line gets high enough. Yeah, don't put – trust us. From first state experience, don't put Tennessee in a parlay or a tease. I get the Titans by three and a half. I said three, and it is three right now.

I mean, how embarrassing is that? This is an 8-4 team going against Blaine Gabbert, and they're favored by three. Yeah, you're right. At this point? Cardinals... They stayed in there longer than you wanted them to

they're at home they're at home the crowd's loud and they hang around yeah I feel bad for Fitzgerald I think he really has to figure this out

either retire or find a quarterback for the tail end here yeah cause he won't leave that team he won't go but that's the thing

it's like oh I can't leave Arizona it's like what's so great about Arizona I don't know it's just very loyal all the awesome memories with that one time he made the Super Bowl Ryan Lindley But that's the thing. It's like, oh, I can't leave Arizona. It's like, what's so great about Arizona? I don't know. It's just very loyal. All the awesome memories with that one time you made the Super Bowl.

Ryan Lindley. Go play for one good team before you retire. You had Kurt Warner pass through his life like a comet for two years. And other than that, it's been like a shit show. Bengals Bears. Speaking of shit shows. Tyree Cohen officially has reached why does anybody

kick to him status that was kick it out of bounds that was some run back kick it out of bounds yeah and he had another one that was called back not for a touchdown

but he went far you think could have won that game that was the only reason Tate the Snake's Trubitsky is really is lighting it up I think he had the lowest

QBR last week. Yeah. And now this week just doesn't give him a chance to win. Well, they have no receivers. I have no feel for whether Trubisky is good or not. But they have a good running game, though. Devin Hester, the young quarterback, needs a better running game than receivers.

Devin Hester in his prime or Tariq Cohen in 2017? I go Hester. Who would you be more afraid to kick to? It's not Hester level yet, I don't think. Okay, I agree. Bengals home. Bengals home. We don't know what they're going to do.

Playing the Steelers tomorrow. We have no idea what's going to happen there for the Bears. I have Bengals by six and a half. I said seven, and it is seven right now. You like that teaser. You like it. It's a borderline Brown zone game. Yeah.

Because I do like the Bears. Paul Brown zone. It is fun to watch Trubisky play quarterback where they run no plays for him. Basically, every once in a while, they let him roll out. Yeah. When he actually has to get in the pocket and throw, it's just always something bad happens.

I'm looking to— And nobody's open. Super contest. I don't see five games. I see a lot of games I don't want to touch. At this point in the year, so many teams have screwed us over. It's so hard to— Don't forget about the captain, Jimmy Garoppolo.

Oh, that's right. We haven't gotten to him yet. Okay. One more poop-fecta game. Buffalo at home. Quite possibly with Nathan Peterman or Joe Webb at quarterback if Tyrod Taylor's out for long haul

against the Colts who have just given up. Right. They've packed it in for the year. And yet, as a 3-9, I think they're a good 3-9 team. Well, they rolled over today, though. That wasn't good. Even when T.Y. Hilton

scored during that game and didn't even do T.Y. Hilton stuff. I think he's quit. We could almost cross Buffalo off. They had like three more defensive at- No, we're crossing them off. Right? Shaq Lawson, Leonard Johnson, Davius White, thanks to your guy. They also have no wide receivers.

It's weird to- When your team plays them, you don't really fully realize it. And they're throwing to guys. I'm like, well, I'm not scared of that guy, and I'm not scared of this guy, and they just don't have anyone for me. What a great move. Kelvin Benjamin, after trading everyone to the round. And he gets hurt.

Yeah. So who do they have? Indy, Miami, at New England, and at Miami. They're done. Still, yeah. Do you think they have to go 10-6? Oh, so you're saying they could get to 9-7? I don't know.

Right? What if they beat Miami twice? They could do that. Yeah, Miami looked pretty good today. As I was telling you last week, that kid Kenyon Drake is good. Yeah, you like him. Yeah, they should have unleashed him a couple weeks ago. Is he on your fantasy team?

He is. Are you going to start him against me? I started him this week. Oh, so he'll— And I have 22 points. So you'll start him next week. I'm starting him. You'll be rooting against him.

I have Buffalo by four. You're not starting him. I'm starting him. You'll be rooting against him. I have Buffalo by four. You're not starting him. I'm starting him. Against the Patriots? You're not going to start him. Oh, you're right. I was looking at the wrong game. I should have convinced you.

Buffalo, there's no line on this game because they don't know if Ty Taylor is in. I might start him. You will just to keep me crazy Monday night, right? The Brown Zone. Wow. Chiefs Raiders. A borderline poop fact the game, but there's such perverse delight in watching the Chiefs. It's really hard to say this is a team you want to avoid.

Terrible game, yet this is the perfect team for them to play. The Raiders stink. Well, this is the team that sent them in the tailspin. I know. It's a revenge game. Thursday night. Yeah. If they can't score 30 points against that Raiders defense,

it's embarrassing. Chiefs, I have five and a half. Yeah, that's exactly what I had, and it's four. And that's a scary number. That's really stupid that it's four. That's too low. Is Marcus Peters suspended? No.

No? No. That's a pretty bold move. If suspended? No. No? No. That's a pretty bold move. If the Jet fan got hurt, he'd be suspended. I know, but I don't think they want players doing that. They might want to set an example. Lions-Bucks. It's in Tampa.

Stafford really looked like he hurt his hand. They said x-rays were negative, but he's really banged up. He looked banged up on Thanksgiving. He looked 100 times more banged up today. And I still have them favored somehow. Lions by one. There's no – yeah, I had the Lions by one also, but there's also no line here. Texans hosting my man Jimmy G.

He might be my captain of the year if he can run the table here these last two games. I have the Texans by three. I'm taking the Niners. Oh, see, I was way off I have the Texans by three. I'm taking the Niners. Oh, see, I was way off. I said Texans by six. It's still four and eight against two and ten. It's minus one and a half. Wow, Jimmy G.

You hear that, Neff? Jimmy G. That's our dude. Macho man Tom Savage, though. Nothing to sneeze at this week. The macho man, yeah, except he's going to be a concussion protocol a week. Yeah, I guess a little bit. That was terrible.

The concussion protocol. They brought him in that blue tent. His head slammed against. I tweeted about it when it happened. His head slammed against the turf on a sack, and both of his legs went completely rigid and up for a second, like he was levitating. And then it was like clearly something happened.

Next shot, he's warming up on the sideline. Yeah, they bring him in the blue tent for a second. They shine a flashlight. He tells them he's okay. He doesn't want to come out. He's playing for another contract. Let me ask you. Then the announcer's like, there's Tom Savage.

Looks like he's going to be okay. It's like, you had the replay. Slammed his head. They're playing on turf. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad for our bet, but it was.

I thought concussed Tom Savage was going to be good for our bet. I don't know. Quick question. Don't overthink this either. Yeah. More wins. The Jimmy Garoppolo era

or the Hugh Jackson era? As of now. What do you mean? The whole era? It's one to one. Oh, I was going to say, I thought you were asking me to predict for the future. No, this is it. Oh, Jesus.

It's tied. Hugh is now past the box. I think they're one in 28 now? Yeah. One in 27? Hey, what's worse than having lousy sheets? Nothing. I remember being in college trying to pull on the same set of sheets

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All right. Texans one and a half over the Niners, huh? Yeah. That one makes me happy. No, that's just getting you a little nervous. No. I'm grabbing them. Okay.

Yeah. Chargers home for the Washington Deadskins. Chargers could be 7-6 after this game. Probably will be. Chargers dying for us to throw them in a tease. They better win. Dying for us to throw them in a tease. Dying for it. Don't let me throw them in a tease. They better win. Dying for us to throw them in a tease. Dying for it.

Don't let me throw them in a tease. This might be the team that you talked about. I know they're not like an 8-4, but this could be the one that we think is going to be around. And then they crater? It was 3 out of 4. Yeah, I could see that. A lot of Washington fans could be at that game too, right?

Sure. I have the Chargers by 7. You're going to get it. I said 4. I went low, and it's six. Right around the tee, that dreaded tee as you talked about. This one, last one in the brown zone. This is a watchable.

I'm going to move this to the watchables. My bad. I apologize to this next game. Two watchables. This first one, Jacksonville at home This is good This should be good This should be 21-20

I mistakenly put in the brain But it could be bad Who knows which Blake will show up So I had a lot of trouble with this line You could tell me it's Seahawks minus 3 You could tell me it's Jags minus 3 I would not be shocked Either way, I have the Jags minus 1.5 half I'm gonna tell you you were right with the options I'm gonna tell

you it's the Jags minus three oh and you barely beat me out because I said one Jags minus three not a lot of respect for the Seahawks that Seahawks Eagles line was plus six for like four days yeah I mean they haven't been, they haven't gotten that many points in Seattle since before Russell Wilson. No, before Russell Wilson, right? Who was the guy since like Matt Flynn? Yeah.

Jim Zorn, I think. Yeah, no, Atlanta was favored by one and then they hadn't even been an underdog. And now it's twice in like three weeks. This is a good one. Carolina home for the Vikings, who both of us progredually now believe in. Yeah. I'm not saying a bad thing about the Vikings.

I'm not either. I'm going the whole podcast. I'm apparently biased against the Vikings, even though the best man at my wedding was a Vikings fan, Jeff Gallo. And for his wedding present, I bought him an authentic Vikings helmet, which his wife was, I think, horrified by. But he still has it. And did he not thank you for it? Like, why do you hate the team so much?

I love the Vikings. I have the Vikings. How about this? I have them favored by three and a half. Okay, well, I guess I did disrespect them a little, because I thought Carolina would be favored by two. And it is the Vikings by two and a half, so you get it. Ooh.

If that's less than three, it's— They're so solid on the road. They're tough to bet against. I say throw this in the hopper, too, and just watch it. I think Mike Zimmer handled this Case Keenum thing perfectly. Never gave him the job, let him earn it, turned it into the whole locker room's galvanized behind him. Yeah.

And it kind of dangled the carrot over him a little bit. I like it. I like how he handled it. Sunday night. Steelers. Home. For Joe Flacco and the Baltimore Ravens. A team not built to come from behind.

If they get up seven, it's over. Steelers dying for us to throw them in a tease. Dying for it. I have them by eight and a half. You went a little high. I said six and a half, and it's seven. The Steelers have had some real clunkers this year. I know Jaguars beat them up at home.

That Packers Sunday night game. That Packers game. The Colts they could have lost in Indy. It's rough. And I'll tell you this. I don't blame, you know, the Monday game hasn't played yet. This Antonio Brown, mysterious toe injury. Is it possible he's just like a—

You think he has turf toe? What do you think is wrong with him? I think he's like, hey, there's a guy on the other team who wants to kill me, who literally wants to kill me, Vontaze Perfect and others. I'm going to sit this one out, guys. We'll be – at worst, we'll be what, nine and three? You think he's saving his life? Yeah, I'm good.

I just checked ESPN to see if Ben McAdoo had been fired. It's now 10 o'clock West Coast time. Not been fired. What are they waitingAdoo had been fired. It's now 10 o'clock West Coast time. Not been fired. What are they waiting for? Not been fired. Wow. Monday night, Patriots at the Dolphins. Oh, my God.

Oh, you just got another preview of them. Andre, Doc. I need this to tie you. This is the last one, right? Yeah. I hit this exactly, though. Okay. Pat's minus 10.

Nope. I said 10.5, and it's exactly, though. Okay. Pats minus 10. Nope. I said 10.5, and it's 12. So we tie. 12? Yeah. They're not falling for this Dolphins stuff. Why? Because they beat up on the miserable Broncos?

I just assumed Gronk wasn't playing. I saw 12. Wow. You're nervous for this game. You're nervous. Dolphins, Pats. Not nervous. Big.

The Pats are either going to be the one seed or the two seed, and we own Pittsburgh. I'm not nervous. 35-17, you beat them two weeks ago. What do you make of Brady and McDaniels screaming at each other? I like it. You do? I like it.

I like when the ringer staff yells at each other. You do, really? Yeah. Wow. It's a sign of a close-knit group. Ringer staff never yells at each other. They don't? No.

Too many millennials. On Slack, they do. There's probably like a couple angry Slack listeners. Can you raise your voice on Slack? Can you in all caps? I like, for teaser purposes, I like nothing. We did a nice tease today. We had a six and a half point tease that was plus

150. Three teams. Patriots, Rams, and the crummy Texans who made us sweat it out. Titans, yeah. Our crummy Titans. And they all covered it. That was nice. Look into the plus 150. I know it's three teams, six points, but you won't get big doubt

over a year. It might be worth it. 750. I know it's three teams, six points, but you'll— Six and a half points. Six and a half, but you won't get big doubt. Yeah. Over a year, it might be worth it. That's what we did. Well, here's what I would love to know from these teases. It seems like every time I do a tease, I don't ever end up actually needing the points. Right, right. At least for one of the games.

There's a blowout. For all of them. Today, all of them covered. You mean if you win. Right. But if you lose, you'll blow out and won and then barely lose

the second game. Every time I win a tease, I would have won it without the points. Yeah, I know. I would love to know the advanced metrics.

I'm sure the Vegas can help us out. This is one of the things when you die, you can go, you ask God all about it. Yeah. All right,

so we tied. We'll take that. Forgot to mention, I wrote about it. Yeah. All right. So we tied. We'll take that. Forgot to mention, I wrote about Dr. Dick Chopp in my mailbag a few weeks ago. He was a urologist in Texas. And he had some other guy with him, Dr. Lester Wang, who was also his practice. Dick Chopp and Lester Wang. Dream come true. Dr. Pablo Pistola emailed me and wondered, why didn't I plunge deeper?

You would have discovered that there's another partner in that practice named Dr. Stephen Hardiman. Oh, come on. It's I. I looked it up. It's true. Dick Chopp, Lester Wang, and Stephen Hardiman. No.

They're all in the same urology practice. That's fucking weird. No, that can't be. That's in Texas? Yeah. And then Adam Caldwell said there's a better Dick Chopp. In Southern California, there's an OBGYN named Bonnie Beaver. Oh, I think we-

Is that better than Dick Chopp? We had her on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Dr. Bonnie Beaver? We had unfortunate names, and we had them all on our wall, American. We had them talk, and they introduced themselves. Yeah. This is my doctor. Bonnie Beaver.

Bonnie Beaver. Yeah. Incredible. If you have any other great doctor names or names. Yeah, we need unfortunate names. As good as Dr. Dick Chopp and Dr. Bonnie Beaver. Email them to the mailbag at therigger.com. There was another weird thing with Dr bonnie beaver like her maiden name

was almost as bad i'm gonna find it or something like dr bonnie hyman yeah i don't know what it was all right we're gonna do parent corner but before we do if that wasn't parent corner no if you've ever seen anything we've done in my office on instagram which is at spit guy 33 by the way spttguy33. You probably noticed how nice my posters look. Our friends at Framebridge framed everything in there. Have you used Framebridge yet? I haven't, no.

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Go to framebridge.com. Use promo code BS. You save an additional 15% off your first order. Once again, that is framebridge.com. Promo code BS. Alex Lee, who works for The Ringer, got, see, you can see in the studio here. Yeah. All of our podcast logos are framed from Framebridge and put all around our office because we like them.

They're cool. All right, pair corner. You want to go first? Coin flip? I'll go first. I don't care. Well, you don't have younger kids, but I do. But you probably remember this.

You remember the elf on the shelf? Yeah. Like it was going out of my house last year with my 11 year old, nine year old. Oh, they still, they were still on board. I think my son was actually might've believed in it. My daughter was playing along cause she wanted the gifts. Right. I got it. Yeah. Okay. So for those of you not familiar, the elf on the shelf is something you buy. And in the whole month of December, you convince your stupid kid that the elf is there to witness your behavior. And then at night, the elf flies away while you're sleeping and goes to report to Santa how you behaved. And then magically in the middle of the night, reappears, but in a different spot

every day for December. Yeah. So it's the parent's job to move this thing. And it's the worst burden on earth. Yes. You have to wait till everybody goes to bed. Terrible. If you have an older kid that might be 10, 30, 11, you just got to wait.

You got to wait. Everyone finally goes to bed. You got to go downstairs and do stuff around. So I put the over-under at December 3rd before one of us, my wife, or I forget to hide the elf on the shelf. And we didn't make it. Yeah. December 2nd, my four-year-old comes down and says,

why is Goldie by the fireplace when he was by the fireplace last night? So now you have to make up this stupid story like, oh, Goldie. Goldie got drunk. Yeah, he got drunk. The truth is mom got drunk and forgot to move it. Like we were taking turns. And especially on the weekend it's tough because they stay up later and everything. So that's basically the story.

Like this kid, now we have to lie to this kid. You're lying now for the Christmas tradition. On top of a lie, this stupid thing. But there needs to be a service that does this for you. We'll walk your dog at midnight and we'll switch. Oh, like how you pay $20 for a dog walk? Yes, yes. It needs to do this.

It's like $15 for the Elf of the... Yeah, so... That sounds like that could lead to a lot of crime. Whatever, whatever. I mean, I don't want to lie to my kid anymore. Do you want to know I handled Elf and the Shelf? What did you do? My wife was complaining about it last year.

And the kids were like, oh, Elf and the Shelf. I wonder where he's going to go tonight. And I was so tired of hearing my wife complain about it because I refused to do it. That I said to them, you know who the Elf and the Shelf is? It's mom. She's right there. Oh, no. And my son thought I was kidding.

My daughter, I think she was still holding on to 10% and yeah well I saw your son tonight and I asked him about because he was watching something with Elf on the Shelf I was like what do you think about the Elf on the Shelf because I had this story prepared and he's like I don't believe it I'm like

oh why not he's like well it's not real I said why do you think that he's like like, I learned the hard way. My father told me. Did he say that? So there you go. Yeah, that's the hard way to learn. It's the worst thing I've ever done to him.

Oh, if only that were true. So first I have a parent corner correction from my story last week. Okay. Where I said that my son, when we were watching Smurf, my son said um she was going to put a vibrator in her vajayjay my wife points out oh he actually said dildo not vibrate oh okay he's going to put a dildo in her vajayjay oh all right so yeah just they wanted to clear that up right and the bills fans celebrated that yeah the bills fans had another

another dildo incredible okay. Okay, that's good clarifications. So last night watching a movie with my wife, and my daughter's at another bat mitzvah because every week there's a bat mitzvah now. Right. And I'm texting her to just make sure she's alive. And I'm texting her to just make sure she's alive. And I'm holding the phone, and the text I had sent her, like two texts before, was a picture of her with our dog. Mm-hmm.

So my wife's looking over my shoulder, and I'm like, what is that? And I click on the picture because I had forgotten I sent it. And it was this picture of her and the dog. My wife leans over my shoulder. She's kind of far away. And she goes, what the hell is that? And I'm like, what do you mean? And she's like, what's that?

What's that picture? And I'm like, it's Zoe. And she was like, oh. Oh, wow. Because my daughter is now five foot five right she thought some girl had mailed me a picture

wow this is a picture of my daughter with the dog and she looks cute in it but she thought it was some

like lassie mailed me a picture and it was our daughter that she got super upset about for four seconds that she thought

I was texting or like some sort of whatever. Now, does that make you feel good or do you become scared? So it made me feel bad twice. It made me mad at my wife that she thought I was exchanging texts with somebody, especially now during the craziest day of all time. But then also it made me mad that she mistook our 12-year-old daughter for somebody who would send me provocative pictures from far away. Now, it turns out my wife wasn't wearing her glasses anyway either. Right, right, right.

So she had kind of whatever. Because she lost them. She probably did. But yeah, so that was the first time. Wow. Yeah. That's great. I don't even know if that's parent corner.

Well, yeah, that's like almost it goes into husband corner. You're in a lot of trouble. You need to remove all the females from your NFL slack. Carrie's going to be furious. So I have two parent corner stories this week. The other one is my son is on house Party, which is this, it's like kind of that Google Hangout app, but the kids use it and they can all go in the same room. I've heard not great things about this.

It's not great. It's not great. So for the first time he's had girls, these two girls from schools that he's friends with, one of whom that he likes, and then this other friend of theirs, and they were on house party for three and a half hours on Friday night. Wow. And we snuck up a couple of times to listen to what they were talking about. And each time my son heard us and said, code red. Like in all dead serious. No shit.

Like to tell that the parents are coming. I mean, they're like 10. What the hell are they talking about? Yeah. I don't know. So I kept sneaking back to hear what are they talking about yeah i don't know what so i kept thinking back there they're talking about and um you're not going to be surprised to hear this but it was some of the dumbest conversational banner you'll ever hear in your life really really the lowest level of dumbness but uh like what well at one point he was showing he was showing the other kids what

was in his room oh and just narrating it and boring tenure. I mean, it was just, it was the worst. They were on for two and a half hours. Yeah. But I think this is how this generation is going to interact. No one leaves their house. No one leaves their house. There's no reason to.

And everything's in a group. Like my daughter does, she studies with like her friend on FaceTime and they do math together. Everything is like, you're with somebody at all times but not really. I think we're screwed. Yeah, but it gets bad. If Trump doesn't kill us, the next generation will. I have a bad story about this. Like a buddy of mine and like some girl –

and like the girls are flashing and stuff. And then like a father walks by and now he's seen it and it's really – Oh, God. And it becomes like a criminal thing by and now he's seen it and it's really. Oh, God. And it's like becomes like a criminal thing. It's really fucking bad. That he's seen. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like, well, now and then now he can't even say anything. It's very. It's bad news. Parent Corner was brought to you by Sony. I can't believe no one wants to sponsor this segment. Why does anyone want to sponsor this? God, it got so dark. Jesus.

Sponsored by House Party. What do you have to plug this week? You have a lot of guests this week. Jimmy Kimmel Live. Chris Pratt is on. Melissa McCarthy. Neil Patrick Harris. Tracy Ellis Ross.

Against all odds, Bob Arum is coming on. Bob Arum? That Lomachenko fight is this week against Rigondeaux. Rigondeaux, however you want to say it. Why don't we just put Lomachenko with like seven of these teams? We should do it. What are the odds for him? I think it's like minus 450 or something, but he's going to win.

Minus 450? Yeah. Nobody's ever beating him. No. I love that guy. Degenerate trifecta was two for three this week. Parley Kidd hit his parley. Brother Briar was constant plus six and a half.

And on my ringer video, I want to, you know, I get it the hard way. Seven out of the last ten weeks, I'm plussing the money. And you're – I might be a little bit on a roll. You have my little nest egg right here, right? Yes, yes. Almost 2,000 to plus. I feel like we're going to look back at that Derrick Henry touchdown.

That's what turned it around for us? As a positive for us. Yeah. Because I think we have a pretty nice feel right now. I agree. I miss the Falcons. But other than that, even the Seahawks today, we've done a nice job of kind of steering clear from games that seem a little too obvious.

Trappish, yeah. And steering clear of the teams that don't really deserve it. And also, like, a lot of these favorites are covering these teases and parlays, which is usually when we do well. It's funny because I look at the Patriots and I'm like, oh, why don't we just take the Patriots? I feel bad telling your ringer guys, make me a video where I'm picking the Patriots as my, like, it just seems like a way.

Yeah, it's stupid. Yeah, they'll win and then, like, you don't get credit for it. But, damn it, they covered. We should make that video where it's just, a generic yeah it's stupid yeah they'll win and then like you don't get credit for it but we should make that video where it's just like a generic yeah where

like a weird just you do your thing and yeah somebody else puts it Bills Titans Martyrs 13

we should do that there we go throw them in a tease with the Eagles alright so yeah next week week 15

that's the good one great NFL week looking forward to that one good job by you thanks again to SeatGeek don't forget $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase an NBA ticket to use promo code BSek. Don't forget, $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase and NBA tickets. Use promo code BSNBA.

Don't forget about the JJ Redick podcast. You can subscribe now. Don't forget about our awesome college basketball podcast, One Shining Podcast with Titus and Tate. College basketball, really interesting this year. I don't know how to describe Marvin Bagley on Duke, but he's unlike – have you seen him? He's fun. I know Tate's a big fan.

I don't even have a doppelganger for him. Usually like these guys come up, I'm like, oh, I don't even know who he reminds me of. He's so like – he's got just so – he's so active and he's so fast to the rim. I don't know. He's going to be awesome. I'm looking at him right now. He reminds me a little – work with me. He reminds me a little of Dr. Bonnie Beaver.

Maybe not. I don't know. And on that note, back in the next podcast, I think he's going to be with Brian Cranston, which we taped last week, and he was an incredible guest. Really one of my favorite ones that we've done. So stay looking forward to that. See you in a little bit on the BS Podcast. Good job, A.U.

Good job, A.U. I feel it's within On the wayside I'm a person I never was And I don't have to be