The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Week 15 With Cousin Sal (Ep. 299)

Episode Date: December 11, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss their fantasy football showdown (5:00), Carson Wentz's injury (11:00), Derek Carr's struggles (21:00), the holiday shopping showdown (33:00), Keenan Allen's comeback (39:00), Ravens-Browns (47:00), Winston vs. Mariota (54:00), Raiders-Cowboys (59:00), and another edition of "Parent Corner" (1:02:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network. It's a sad episode today for the Philly fans. Brought to you by SeatGeek, our presenting sponsor. Philly fans, you can make up for this Wentz thing. Buy NBA tickets on SeatGeek. $20 off your first purchase. All you have to do is use promo code BSNBA. Download the SeatGeek app or go right to SeatGeek.com.

We're not brought to you by CBSSports.com, which has a fraudulent fantasy website, which Sal and I are going to talk to. We're also brought to you by Grasshopper, the phone system for entrepreneurs, small business owners, anyone with a side gig. Grasshopper lets you send and receive calls and texts from your new business phone number, run your business,

respond to clients quickly with Grasshopper's mobile apps. Be professional, responsive, and efficient. Get your business respond to clients quickly with grasshoppers mobile apps be professional responsive and efficient get your business phone number today go to grasshopper.com slash bs to get 20 off your first month brought to you by the ringer.com you can find my column there every friday i wrote about the fake nba trades that need to happen on friday and uh a lot of fan bases got mad about it but that's fine nobody has ever been happy with the fake trade column. Every year people get furious that they want to trade your place. And we're brought to you by a couple of our podcasts. Tate's One Shiny Podcast hasn't been canceled yet.

We've done like four of them, right? What was the over-under? Tate's doing well. I know. It's a good one. I think it was four and a half. Was it four and a half? You made it.

Pretty soon they're going to go prima donna on us and say i'm wait i'm ready for all of it oh yeah um we're also brought to you by the jj reddick podcast which launched two weeks ago and i said joel and beat and james corden and i think they have another good one today that they're taping i don't want to give away and then against all odds with cousin salin Sal. Mm-hmm. Yeah. How was the trifecta doing? It won. It hit on an Eagles-Panthers parlay. The parlay kid. I bought it on Sharp Tank.

And it hit. Winner. Two weeks in a row. But your video picks didn't do well. One and one. Oh, one and one. One and one. Jags.

Every Friday, Sal does video picks. You go to theringer.com slash videos, and you can find Sal's. Or find it on our Twitter feed or his Twitter feed. And just can't get momentum going. Every time it seems like you're going to get hot, it's just. Well, shame on me for betting the Browns. I don't know where you want to start this week. I have a feeling I know where you want to start this week.

Yeah, let's throw it to Pearl Jam. And then we're off with a rollicking edition of the BS podcast. All right. Monday morning. You think we're starting with Carson Witts. I want to start with fantasy football. You're so mad at me. We're in the playoffs. You said a word to me when I walked in.

First you text me. You're down like 40 to 7. Your pitch is going to outscore me. You do the whole reverse jinx thing. I know what you're up to. Halftime of the early games, I had eight points, and I had five guys going. You basically had Le'Veon Bell. You had Devontae Adams, who put up a garbage time performance for the ages

that actually swung the game. And then the Rams defense. And here's where it gets controversial. The Rams defense gave up 38 points? 37. Well, yeah, yeah, 37. 43 points. The defense didn't, but the Eagles scored 43.

The Eagles scored 43 points. The Rams had, I'm looking Eagles scored 43. The Eagles scored 43 points. Yeah. The Rams had, I'm looking at it right now, how many sacks did they have? Two? Two sacks. Two sacks. Congratulations on that. Thank you.

You get negative points if it's over 35 points because my Ravens defense got a minus one. Yeah, an interception. And then you had a blocked punt touchdown that somehow counted twice. Yeah. Did you see it? I did see it. I never knew you could get a double touchdown in fantasy football. It's incredible. What a whole new world this is. It was a great play. It was a great play.

He blocked it. He scooped it. If they gave me 20 points. And it was worth 14 points in our league somehow. And now you're up 99 to 68 and I have Kenyon Drake. Kenyon Drake? Kenyon? Kenyon. You better learn how to say it. I should learn how to say it since I'm counting it today. Brandon Cooks.

And I have no idea if they're going to dock you the double touchdown that you got and you're going to end up at like 91 points. My whole night's ruined because I'm going to be watching this. And I have no idea

how you're ahead of me. You started Andy Dalton at nine points. Anyway. Here's what I'll say. I'll tell you this. And I have no idea how you're ahead of me. You started Andy Dalton at nine points. Here's all I'll say. I'll tell you this. If I lose this game, I'm out on Fantasy Football. I'm voting out myself. How are you going to get Brady? I'm voting out myself.

You're going to have to steal Brady from the bar hours. I'm done. If I lose because of a double touchdown, I'm out. Let me ease your mind here. CBS Sports has been doing this for decades. They've been running this online. They know what they're doing. So what?

You worked for ESPN a couple years. These guys are the experts. If they want to give me 14 points for a touchdown, they must have a reason. I never heard of it. I kept waiting for them to change it. Then people were like, no, no, overnight they change it. Nope, still 15-pointer. You're going to win.

And I'm not even jinxing myself. I picked the wrong quarterback. I went Dalton over Cousins. You're going to win. And I'm not even jinxing myself. I picked the wrong quarterback. I went Dalton over Cousins. You picked all the wrong receivers, too. I benched Demarius Thomas after eight pitiful weeks. I said, I had enough. He scored.

I had the wrong tight end. You benched Paul Richardson. He scored. Yeah, everybody. It's an outrage. But not as bad. I mean, week 14 is hilarious. But our other matchup in the wild card. And by the way, screw people who are like, oh, fantasy football.

This is entertaining. Chris Boswell with Damoshek needs like 18 and a half points from Chris Boswell, which is absurd for a kicker. What kicker ever scores 18 points in fantasy and gets 19 and wins? And wins by a point. And it's his team. And they needed the field goal for his team. It's all of them. He's making 52 yarders. Oh, it his team. And they needed the field goal for his team.

It makes all of them. He's making 52 yarders. Oh, it's insane. I hate fantasy football. I'm so out. If I lose this, I'm out. You'll never hear me talk about it again. God bless CBS Sports.

I hate it so much. Oh, my God. I should have started Handsome Jimmy. Handsome Jimmy would have brought me the karma. Yeah, what happened? I thought you were going to do that. Yeah, I started Breeze. I don't even want to bring this up to you, but can't you start? I could potentially have some chicanery tonight i could start rex burkhead yeah that's i could start jarvis no jarvis landry over cooks yeah yeah do it all right let's talk about a

great great day of football yeah it was the carson winston is terrible but there were nine compelling games that were played at a high level, I thought, with really good endings. It felt like there were three games that felt like playoff games. Okay. Panthers-Vikings? Panthers-Vikings. I always judge it by, not only is it a good game, but how's the sideline reacting?

There's a lot of guys running on the field with fist pumps, stuff like that. I thought Eagles-Rams felt like an NFC title game, and then Wentz got hurt. But there was about three quarters there. I even joked on Twitter about having Romo Skype in to announce the fourth. It was like, that game was that good. Oh, to announce it. Oh, I thought he might come in and play the fourth.

And Aikman's doing his usual Aikman, well, you know, it's special teams play, they've been working on that, and it came back to haunt them right there. It's like, yeah, I know, Troy. They just gave up a block punt. That game had 14 endings. It was crazy.

And Foles isn't terrible. I don't think they can win the Super Bowl with him, but it's not like. Well, so here's why Brady's the MVP, because Wentz goes out, and you're like, eh, Foles could still maybe take them to the Super Bowl. It's like, ah, shit. Well, that's all you need to know. True. That stinks.

Well, I don't. He could take them. Here's what's going to be interesting. Can you really take them to the Super Bowl. It's like, ah, shit. Well, that's all you need to know. That stinks. He could take them. Can you really take them to the Super Bowl, though? The top three seeds probably will be Wentz, Case Keenum, and who am I missing? Jared Goff. And then the four through six are going to be established quarterbacks who everyone

loves. It's going to be Matt Ryan. It's going to be like Matt Ryan. It's going to be Drew Brees. It could be Aaron Rodgers. Cam Newton. Cam Newton, I'm sorry. Let's praise Cam Newton for a second. That 62-yard run, that was spectacular, Tate.

And he held on to the ball. That was even more impressive. Cam's been a hot potato this year, Tate. He said he went down on purpose so that they could waste the three-time loss. Oh, that's smart, too. That's why he slowed down. It wasn't because he got caught. Oh, I love that.

He was out on Friday night, but he slowed down. Did you see him in the press conference? He looked like he was... A brimless hat. What was that? Yeah. He said it was the first time anyone's worn a brimless hat. He was auditioning for the Coming to America sequel.

Well, so Philly's got... They're at the Giants, home for Oakland, home for Dallas. Yeah. So they're probably going to get the one seat anyway. Get a bye week in round one. Round two, they're playing

whoever the worst playoff team is that's left. Yeah, but it could be Aaron Rodgers. It could be, you know, Matt Ryan. It could be your Cowboys.

It could be Cowboys, yeah. I don't know. It's conceivable that they have two home games, round two, round three, and that they could somehow sneak in because they're front seven and cold weather and three-headed running game and Foles doesn't do much to lose. I'm not writing them off is my point.

But just think three out of these five quarterbacks are probably going to be a four, five, or six seed. Like I said, it's Breeze, Cam, Matt Ryan, Russell, ryan russell hustle and bustle or aaron rogers pretty good your team has a path now rams beat seattle you take care of oakland you win it you win at home against seattle zeke back for that game yeah that's the one he's back for week 16 and then you play foals at philly week 17, and the game might not mean anything to them. I'm hoping that it did. And all of a sudden you're 10-6,

and your shit-ass team sneaks into the playoffs. Can you believe that? Still lose the tiebreaker. Sean Liebeck, what do you mean? To Green Bay. What do you mean? I mean, I'm just a liar. I don't have Green Bay winning at Carolina

and Rodgers' first game back after having 13 pins removed from his shoulder. Like, get the fuck out of here. Green Bay's defense sucks. I didn't know you loved Carolina so much. I love how everyone's, oh, Rodgers, game back after having 13 pins removed from his shoulder. Like, get the fuck out of here. Green Bay's defense sucks. I didn't know you loved Carolina so much. I love how everyone's, oh, Rodgers, here we go. They're going to go on a run. It's like, if you watch their defense,

the Browns were doing whatever they wanted against them. Believe me, it was one of the games I did watch. Shame on me. Please kick me in the nuts as hard as you can, if I ever even suggest betting the Browns. I just thought it was the fixed game of the week plus three and a half went to three at home i did that i had in super contest i had just had too many shitty teams i had the bucks it was like all the lions stafford's broken hand or whatever he's got it covered though right or no no they didn't they lost

they lost by three but then i had the stupid jets coming off like two good games in a row in denver denver's terrible right and then it was one of those games you immediately know denver's gonna win like in the first drive like oh here we go demarius thomas is gone yeah the celebrating on the side yeah stuff stuff they never do and the ones i stayed away from were like i really liked the ravens last night and i was like i got scared at pittsburgh shazier who the hell knows with that like what kind of emotions in the stadium yeah and Baltimore went right at him I cannot believe what the Steelers did to their defense what they did to their defense oh I was about to say what they did to Baltimore's defense I mean I know Jimmy Smith's out I know they've had injuries but yeah 500 yards passing when the Ravens have like a

half decent pass rush but he threw 66 times I don't even know how you get that many plays in a game. I know. 44 for 66. It's three games worth for a lot of these teams. Bad loss. There's bad coaching in the AFC North. Yeah. I think Harbaugh has really taken a step back, and I think Tomlin's always up and down. So I guess let's hit Wentz first.

I had the same reaction everybody else has who watches his team. As he was doing that play, he's been doing this all year. He's reckless. Yeah. And, you know, look, the guy's been incredible to watch. He's so much fun. And the one thing when you watch him was like, dude, just, yo, be careful. It was a lot of that this year.

He had a couple other of those where it seemed like he was gonna get hurt and then he did that and it was i thought he had a concussion i think everybody did didn't they never really had the replay of his leg but um the announcers were always scolding him this year he's gotta learn not to take those you gotta i know you're trying to fire up your team i know your competitor there's a lot of scolding of him and then it finally bit him in the butt and what a gutty performance though first of all so then they get that that was all for not because they go back on a whole more place yeah and then uh to go for it on fourth down down 35 was 35 31 i know they could have kicked the field goal to cut it to one yeah it was still early in the fourth or whatever and

they go for it and the guy's on one leg. And you just show the three plays. I don't think they knew, though. He knew. How did he do it? I'm just saying, what a gutty performance. Well, when you get hurt like that, though, you think like, oh, it'll be fine. Yeah.

You know, like, he's like, oh, that hurts. It'll be fine. Like, my daughter had a soccer tournament this weekend. So we kicked her in the knee. She started crying and limping around. I'm like, oh, my God, she got hurt. And two minutes later, she was fine. So I kicked her in the knee. She started crying and limping around. I'm like, oh my God, she got hurt. And two minutes later, she was fine.

So I think they, I think. But he knew, if you saw how he avoided his pocket presence those three plays, you could tell that he knew

something was wrong. But don't you think they're like, this hurts, but it's going to go away? Yeah. And then I think he realized this isn't going away.

Right. Something that feels like your knee just starts to feel wobbly. But that throw was great. I think he actually was throwing it to Jeffrey. I don't think he was throwing it to the other guy. I thought that was just...

He had a couple of plays in that game. He's just really good. It's such a shame to lose him. That was a great game. To lose him and Watson. Him and Watson. Such a bummer, man. All the new players, too.

And even though he scored this week, Kareem Hunt was going to be a great, huge rising star. And it's like, oh, they figured out a way to bottle him up. But, yeah, I know. It is a bummer. Football's a bummer in that regard. But there were nine great games. That's why I'm torn. Do you think Antonio Brown is in the MVP conversation?

I'm hearing that a lot. I haven't seen his – well, we have to put someone in now that – Well, the announcers were yelling about it yesterday. I mean, he has been awesome, and we just write off wide receivers now. Right. Tate, what do you think? Yeah, we said that on GM Street. I mean, I guess he is in the conversation.

In the top three? I mean, yeah, but that's more of like a filler, right? You're just like, oh, yeah, Antonio Brown, sure. Why not? But I think Wentz, if he threw his last pass on a torn ACL for a touchdown. You would still give it to him? Yeah. So if they get the one seed anyway, it's conceivable.

Like there was Brady talk last year that in 12 games he should have been the MVP. Yeah, right. I don't know how I feel about it. I think if Brady's awesome tonight in Miami and Brady goes into Pittsburgh and beats the shit out of them, then it's not an argument. But if they lose one of the next two

and he looks shaky and... He's going to get it. It's stupid. He'll get it. I don't know. This is dumb. I don't know. Why are we doing this?

Why are we talking about this? Quick break to talk about wine. Sal, our wives love wine. Oh, yeah. They love whining about our faults. There you go. They love wine. I'm so glad we signed them up for Wink,

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Ship them right to your door for as little as $13 a bottle. Tate doesn't care. He drinks beer. He's not getting any wine. He's still in his mid-20s. I drink both. You would never. If you gave somebody wine, they'd be like, that's weird, Tate.

I'm 24. I'm 24. How do you open this thing? For Sal and I, our generation generation this is a very important thing if you could do a keg stand of wine he would do it I think

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$20 off your first shipment. Lost in the shuffle of yesterday was a very impressive Jacksonville Jaguars performance, and they actually threw the ball. Now, Seattle's down a couple of their key secondary guys, which you knew already. Bobby Wagner gets hurt during the game.

That doesn't help. They still put up 30 points. Yeah, I think any time Blake Bortles converts like third and six, you're like, whoa. It's shocking. All right. Now I'm watching this game. It's like when the shittiest shooter on your favorite NBA team makes a three. You're like, oh!

Right. Exactly. It's one of those. It's like every time Marcus Smart makes a three, that's Blake Bortles on third and six. Do you think that was a little bit? I thought it was a hangover game for Seattle. They won that Sunday night game against Philly. Now they're traveling.

It's a weird late start in Jacksonville, late afternoon. I thought it was a fishy line. I was going to put them in super contest, Jacksonville minus two and a half. They were my best bet. I could not understand why it wasn't three. Well, it started three. And I stared at it. I stared at it.

I stared at it. I was like, I feel like they're roping us in on this one. They know something. People got crazy on Seattle's December record, December-January record, and Pete Carroll and everything. But I just thought it was a bad, bad matchup. Russell hustle and bustle, throwing deep interceptions, brings it back with two long pads.

That was what was weird to me. You see, I like when you snap on Twitter. I do the same thing. I was so mad at the Jets. Todd Bowles yesterday. There's a minute left. Denver is going to kick a field goal. He lets 30 seconds run off the clock.

Gets it to 30. Denver kicks the field goal. Then they kick off. They have three timeouts left. Does the kneel. It's like you're losing, and your team's not a playoff team. What are you preserving? Right, right, right.

But it was the same thing you snapped about. Jacksonville gave up the two long passes. Two wide open guys. I had the Browns plus three and a half. They're up 21-7 in the fourth. I had Jacksonville minus two and a half up 27-10 in the fourth. I'm like, I'm going to lose both these games? This is insane.

But I don't trust the stoppable. Jacksonville on paper has the recipe to beat the Patriots where it's just like slow the game down, rush Brady up the middle, make him uncomfortable, make it a 17-14, 20-17 type game. Time of possession, four net has 38 carries, and just keep the ball away from Brady. But you can throw on them. That's the thing.

I think you can throw deep on them. Maybe not a great idea to throw Jalen Ramsey, but I think you can go over the top on them. That's the thing. I think you can throw deep on them. Maybe not a great idea to throw Jalen Ramsey, but I think you can go over the top on them. I think the Pats... And the thing with Jacksonville is once they're down 10, it's over. Would Blake be the worst quarterback that ever beat the Patriots in the playoffs? Sanchez. We lost to Sanchez.

Oh, right. That's right. Yeah. I think we lost to him twice. I might have blocked one of them out of my mind. Sanchez was highly regarded back then. Sanchez could throw a decent deep ball. Yeah, he didn't score a lot. He wasn't awful. I don't know what of them out of my mind. Sanchez was highly regarded. Sanchez could throw a decent deep ball. Yeah, he didn't screw up.

He wasn't awful. I don't know what happened to him confidence-wise. But the Steelers, the Pats have owned the Steelers. I think all the Steelers fans have just kind of given up. How are you not going to score 90 on them this week? There's something going on with them, though. They've pulled out some wins. Yeah.

And I think this Shazier thing, which is awful, and I'm amazed by the lack of information we have. From minute one, just couldn't get any information about what happened. I still, I was reading it yesterday. It seems like it's bad. I think it's bad. And they've just kept it out of the public limelight. His teammates yesterday, I mean, you could feel it the whole game.

They're going to the hospital after the game. Oh, yeah. I think they're hearing worse things than we are. It's just a really resilient team. Roethlisberger, who the Pats have always done well against, but just resilient and tough. Tough is the word because they've had, and the schedule makers haven't done them a favor,

five out of the last six games have been night games. And you're not going to get a stretch against tougher teams than Cincinnati on a Monday night, Baltimore on a Sunday night, and followed up with New England. That's just, they're going to be a wreck. The thing I'm maddest about from yesterday is I almost had, I had Arizona and Super, I sent, Lombardi and I were texting, I was like, here are my four. And then we started talking about Arizona,

who we both like, because we think Tennessee sucks. Do the research, Arizona, the injuries everywhere. They're down there, they're four string running back. They're missing all these dudes in the offensive line.

They're missing guys on defense. And it was just like, wow, I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait a week. You said to me, you texted me. Yeah,

I said, then I was texting you about it. You said there's going to be a good time to bet against Tennessee. It's not this week, but I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait a week. You said to me. You texted me. Yeah, I said. Then I was texting you about it. You said there's going to be a good time to bet against Tennessee. It's not this week, but there's going to be a week that's going to be incredible to bet against Tennessee because they suck. Right. And we talked about how much they sucked last week on the podcast. It was this week.

Yeah. And it turned out it was yesterday. And I missed out. I feel like I just, the party bus left and I wasn't on it. I think the party bus is coming back around for you because they're going to play at San Francisco and you're going to lose your mind. But don't you think that people

there's going to be Jimmy G hype? Yeah. From you. So damn handsome. See? He's just wonderful. Wonderful handsome guy. Kind of guy you would introduce to your daughter. Can I just say you likened him to Tate. Tate did not like, he didn't approve of that. Tate loved it. Oh, no, no.

I was scared of being Jimmy G. That's too much. Tate held the clip for it for a couple years. Now he's got two podcasts. He's a rising star. No, he appreciates the analogy, but he said he'd rather be a Ryan Mallett. He doesn't like Jimmy G. He'd rather be Michael Bishop. Yeah.

So Ryan Mallett has more fun. I like that you made yourself Brady in this scenario. 100%. That's my favorite. Yeah. 11 years Mallett has more fun. I like that you made yourself Brady in this scenario. 100%. That's my favorite thing. Yeah. 11 years straight of most downloads for a sports podcast. Wow. I'm Brady.

Look at this. What's going on here? And a first round exit in the fantasy playoffs. The GBGs took, as Lombardi pointed out in the Lombardi tape podcast today, took some hits in that game. Yeah. Got beaten up a little bit. Still kept coming back.

Damn good. Was he average, like nine yards per attempt? Like that's the new big stat. That's the one like – That's the one Lombardi loves. He loves that. Well, no, he's always loved that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because when he started coming on my pod like 2010 11 he was always like look at yards attempt that tells you everything you need to know about a quarterback right and i would start looking at it um when i started making my picks because he was like if it's seven or under the guy sucks he's a check down artist right does he won't throw the ball downfield and it's fucking accurate and what's funny is this is six years ago we was talking about this Derek Carr's like the litmus test for this he's like exactly at seven

yeah he's the and when you watch him it's like he won't throw deep until they're down 14, 20 whatever like yesterday

against the Chiefs started throwing it deep and shit started to happen but yeah Derek Carr I think we've learned that he's not good this year I thought that was

a 10 win team easy he's not good and their. I thought that was a 10-win team easy. He's not good, and their coach isn't good. I think, you know, they're just a fantasy darling. I hate to bring fantasy back into this, Bill, but they got five players you want to draft, and everyone's like, oh, they're going to win 12 games. They need to start getting 14-point TDs, double defensive TDs would really help them, I think.

The other funny thing is you somehow got the Rams defense over me, even though I was lower in the standings than you and we both paid $2. No, you had already put in a bid for something. That's right. You run the website. It's fine. This is the greatest. We didn't talk about the snowball.

That was so much fun. What a shitty game. Two crap teams. And you know what? Ratings are down. That's what they should do they should put snow everywhere blow snow into the ram stadium into the coliseum get three feet in there who cares that doesn't make sense snow games are great every week we pick the captain of the week the captain will not rest until he brought his adventurous spirit and delicious rum to every

corner of america variety is the spice of life that That's why Captain Morgan has spiced up life quite a bit. They've developed a collection of rum, each with its own distinctive flavor and personality. The captain loves anyone who learns to mix like a captain. Sal, I am making my captain of the week. It's the first time we've not picked a person. Okay. Blizzard Games is my captain of the week.

Here's the great thing about Blizzard Games. Anyone can walk by a TV where it's a snow football game and it stops the room like my nine-year-old kate who could care less and who pretends he likes the patriots but then he's on youtube watching logan paul do something idiotic um there's snow he stopped me he's like, Oh, it's, it's the, the reaction is the best. It's compelling. I always feel bad for the players. It just can't be fun. And then,

and then you really kind of find out what kind of team you have. Like I actually, Buffalo is kind of a tough team. They're seven and six. They suck. I can't name five good Buffalo bills. They were made for that, that weather.

They really were. And here's the other thing. Safer. Apparently LeSean McCoy said the, the hits didn't hurt as good Buffalo Bills. They were made for that weather. It's great. And here's the other thing. Safer, apparently. LeSean McCoy said the hits didn't hurt as much in the snow. Oh, you land better? But you're soaking wet, though. That's what I thought. I was like, this must be miserable for the players.

But they were pretty much saying they all had fun. So they have Miami this week at home. Should be a win. Yeah. They'd be 8-6. At New England, week 16. Now, if the Pats win today and they beat Pittsburgh, the Pats would be 12-2.

Pittsburgh would be 11-3. And the AFC's basically done. I could see the Pats slipping up in that Buffalo game. Yeah, why not? At New England, yeah. Why not? They could slip up in something. There is a slight path to 10-6 for this terrible Buffalo team.

I guess so. Can't be ruled out. Well, they end with Miami. I think they lose one of those Miami games. But my point is you can't cross them off. Sure, yeah. And then Baltimore's got at Cleveland, home for Indy, home for Cincy. That feels like 10-6, amazingly.

That's the 10-6 team, and I think... And then Casey and the Chargers, one of them has to have seven losses because they play this weekend. But I think that'll be the other wild card. I think that'll be the stronger nine and seven. I have a prediction for Chiefs-Chargers. We're going to have to figure out if we can bet on this.

All right. A tie. It feels like the only thing that the AFC that would make it just even dumber than it already is is to have the tie. You know what's funny? It feels like the only thing that the AFC that would make it just even dumber than it already is is to have the tie that would just totally screw up how we figure it out. I don't know. They're 8-6-1. I was scrambling on our various sites to find a tie when the Bills went to overtime.

What do you think that would have been? Even odds? Like no one scores in 10 minutes? Should have been about even. I would have said it would be like minus 200. Oh, really? Yeah. We would have lost that too.

10 minutes. It was 7-7. Yeah. Back on your snow thing, though. Steph Curry hitting threes. You know, Spieth putting from 15 feet. This is all things you love to see. You know, Kershaw when he's at his best.

Vinatieri kicking in the snow. The best. I know he missed the field goal to win it, Vinatieri kicking in the snow. The best. I know he missed the field goal to win it, but that was the greatest extra point of all time. Well, we always talk about how do you spin up, how do you – and by the way, like the 19th best kick of his career probably. Oh, yeah. He's like, yeah, great kick.

Yeah, it's like – I'm a cult now. It's Sunday for him. He doesn't even – but that weekend they have when they have no idea what to do with All-Pro Weekend and the All-Pro game. What's it called? Pro Bowl?

Pro Bowl, yeah. All the stupid things they have. Really, they should have like a kick in the snow challenge. That's great. Should be one of them. Just put man-made snow. I love it. Don't let anybody like dust it off.

And like it should do like the element should be involved in Pro Bowl weekend. Maybe they should have it in Minnesota or Alaska. How about just do it every game? Take the worst game of the week and blow snow into the stadium. The Thursday night game is Denver-Indy. Sorry, Indy. You get snow two weeks in a row. If you don't have seven combined wins by week 15,

you have to play the snow game. And two-cross that three-win barrier. That's what it's going to be. That is one of the worst Thursday night games we've ever had. It's bad. Denver-Indianapolis. You've got to do your captain. Let me do my captain.

Let me do my captain. You went snow. I went fire. LA Firefighters. Captain of the week. Oh, great one. Why not? I love what you're doing there.

Yeah, you talk about football. That's not important. Those are fires. It's like 90,000 people evacuated uh they're working around the clock there's still fires there's still like five major fires the one near santa barbara is bad that's not getting better than boston yeah fire yeah that's insane to me it's taking out carpentaria which is frightening you drive to work in the in the dark on wednesday and it was like you were riding towards a volcano it was insane and these guys are all over it uh and uh you know some of them are actual captains but i'm gonna make it official on my end i'm making the la firefighters captain of the week that's awesome

and cbs sports uh great idea fantasy and second silver medalist yeah that's great yeah the fires are really scary and Oh, man. We saw my best friend Jeff, who lives in Sonoma County. It got really close to him like a month and a half ago. And you get texts from everybody now. Is it near you? So us out here in L.A., L.A. is so gigantic. But everyone we know is still texting us like, is that near you? How far away is it? Because you

just don't know. You almost feel like a jerk saying, no, I've nothing to do with this. I'm fine. We're fine, but eight miles down the road. Jesus. But yeah, it's... The crazy thing with fires, especially this one, nobody's been able to say how it started. No, I know.

Did it start with some asshole like throwing a cigarette out in the woods i think it's roger goodell that's what you want to blame we're smoky the bear yeah what how do you know smoky the bear we learned that in school wow of course 10 years ago smoky the north car Carolina's behind Well they Did they say that Are the winds gonna be bad this week? I didn't see I didn't see

It's fucked up man It's weird what's going on Fits in with the rest of 2017 No kidding Which just feels like Well Alright on that note We're gonna move on Sorry to bum you out with jesus i should have

just made the cbs sports i know um what do we got what else do we have for oh so i looked this up if if brady wins mvp yeah how many times do you think he's won the MVP? Three. Two. If he wins? Oh, he's won two. He's won two. Yeah, that's fair. How many three-time MVPs in the history of the league do you think we've had?

Oh, man. Three. Tate? Five. Jim Brown. Johnny Unitas. Brett Favre, Peyton Manning five times. Which is outrageous. You hate that?

That is so annoying. You hate that. Oh, my God. Congratulations. He's the best. They put up some more big yards in your crappy division in a dome. Crappy division? God.

Who are you to talk? At least we're playing outdoors. Peyton Manning. So that's four. Who's the fifth? That's it. Brady would be the fifth. Oh, Brady would be the fifth.

I was surprised by that, though. Yeah. It's weird when you look through. Maybe we're doing the MVP wrong, because it's weird to me that. Who won in the Montana years and all that? Montana didn't have three. Rice trade off and all. It was like a free for all.

Bo Jackson. The craziest one is mark mosley won one year which i wrote about a million years ago on page two but it remains it was the strike season yeah and he just made some field goals and everybody looked around like mark mosley's rvp it's crazy place kickers should never win let's hit uh let's hit the games let's do it thursday night broncos colts there's four games that don't have lines because of quarterback uh availability question oh i thought because you're cheating like you cheated with fantasy broncos colts is i i'm gonna go out of my way not to watch one minute of this

oh i did something i did something unconventional that i swore i wouldn't do all year i bet on a thursday night game last week you did you loved it. I parlayed the Falcons with three different teams. I won on two. We're not even including that in the great games. That kicked off the week. That was really good. Great game. I really liked them,

and they did everything they could to give that game away, and they are poorly coached, and Matt Ryan has been weirdly shaky this year and doesn't look confident. I hate to judge people from my TV screen, but when he's standing over, he looks fidgety and not comfortable. I don't know.

It's like the after effects of the Super Bowl weren't great for him. I just knew it. I know they're going to say it's second guessing, but that fourth and one when they took the field goal instead of going forward. Yeah, it was awful. You knew it.

Thursday Night Football was awful. That was unbreezingly. Those teams were, yeah, it was poorly played, poorly coached. Yeah, it was just not good. I had Broncos by two and a half. You get it. See, I'm not cheating.

I had two, and it's two and a half. So you get that. I think the Broncos are terrible, and I think the Jets just didn't show up. It's so bad. And I would not recommend this game. Sunday Marquee. I would say this is one of the top three games of the year. I'm probably biased because the Patriots are involved. You know, first off, you know there are two Saturday games, right?

Look at that look I'm getting from you. Maybe we should do those. Let's do the two Saturday games. Let's do the two Saturday games. Can you tell me what they were? The first one, sure, I'll tell you. Chicago at Detroit. This is the holiday shopping showdown.

This is the Saturday afternoon. Oh, we do this bit every year. Right, I know. This is the NFL deciding that our wives don't hate us enough after 14 straight weeks of watching football that they throw the random Saturday, the doubleheader, as we're trying to do last minute Christmas shopping or doing stuff for our family.

With the kids. But now there's a TV on and devices and we're staring at stuff. And the games aren't bad either. They're good. By the way, when we do this riff, we do have a lot of female football fans out there. Shout out to them. We're talking about the ones that don't care. So this might be your husband who doesn't care about sports at all who's mad

at you because you care about the football game that's more likely thank you i know um but usually it's it's people like our wives i just i know i know how i get it on my end but yeah when did your wife have the i fucking hate football when is it over rant this year because mine had it two weeks ago oh i don't know she doesn't even talk she just hates it i just get a look i don't get a verbal uh commitment every year two weeks ago i've been with my wife almost 20 years going back to when we were dating soccer game what do you how do you get in trouble for this but every year she's like when does it end oh now playoffs are coming great it's like you've been together since 1998. You know the schedule at this point.

Saturday games. Jesus. Lions-Bears. The Lions are flat out awful. You hated them going in. I think the Lions suck. You questioned me on the Tampa line. The Lions stink. The Bucs turned the ball over five times because Jameis Winston,

who's just getting a free pass every week because something else happened so we can't have the 24-hour Jameis Winston sucks conversation on all the usual 24-7 suspects. But he's been awful. It's inexcusable that they didn't beat the Lions with Stafford, who is compromised, and they have no running game at all. Theoretic is the running back, who's the third down back, and they still almost won. They turned the third down back. They still almost won. They turned the ball over five times. They almost won.

It was 21-21 with five minutes left. You discussed Green Bay and Dallas, the seven and six teams that could get in. Detroit. We have to stop them. Home against Chicago. We can't let them in. Don't you want to bet against them? Wouldn't you rather how much... Home for Chicago, at Cincy, at

Green Bay. Home for Green Bay home for Green Bay and if Green Bay is done they're gonna pull Rodgers he won't play that game I I don't know I think I want Detroit at the Rams for a betting uh that's a no we don't want the Lions in the playoffs that's that's terrible all right let's have a good playoffs for once what do you mean right now we could have I could have Ram Seattle round one or we could have Rams-Seattle round one. Or we could have Rams-Rogers. Or we could have Rams-Falcons. I don't want Rams-Lions. All right.

I'm trying to make money here. Why do you want that? You just want to tease? I want to make money. Let's make some money. That's terrible. Rams-Seahawks for the fourth time. Don't be so selfish.

You had a 14-point touchdown this week. Now you want a Lions tease? It was a great play. Lions four over the Bears is what I have. See, you really hate the same. I said seven. It's six and a half. I over the Bears is what I have. See, you really hate the same. I said seven. It's six and a half. I think the Bears are pretty good.

Well. That Bengals line was three points too high, too. Three. Apparently, it was 20 points too high. That's true. What happened there? I can't bet on Trubisky on the road, but I picked him in ZFL. He was good, Tate.

He was all right. Oh, Tate. Yeah, a little hop in your step today. Cam's back. 10th minute. TJ Yates was good. Oh, Tate's favorites little hop in your step today. Cam's back. T.J. Yates was good. All of Tate's favorites. Maybe your best football day all year.

Absolutely. Robert Quinn had a great day. The funniest was Tate telling Lombardi, like, just in all seriousness, like, made it seem like it was a conspiracy against T.J. Yates. T.J. Yates is a quality quarterback. He's just waiting for his chance. He's got, like, 20 chances. Every year he gets a chance. He's, waiting for his chance. He's got like 20 chances. Every year he gets a chance.

He's like 30 years old. But not with the Texans. Is he 30? Yeah, I think he's around 30 now. I'm saying he's got enough chances. But he could be Keenan Poorman's version. I think he's better than Tom Savage. That's all I'm saying.

Poor Tom Savage. We didn't talk about that. Last week, Tom Savage got a concussion and they put him back in. And he hit his head against the turf. This poor i was tweeting and i tweeted the video they just threw him back in no concussion and now he has another one that one is like well his freaking fingers are twitching and then they bring them to this blue tent i don't know what goes on under that blue tent but it's nothing scientific i'll tell tell you that. Hey, fuckface concussion protocol, people. If the guy is twitching like he's been electrocuted,

pull him out of the game. That's enough. That's it. Because we see it in boxing, too. Sometimes the boxers get knocked out on their handshake. It's not rocket science. What do you have for Lions Bears? I got it right.

I had seven. Okay. So that's six and a half is the actual line. I don't agree with that. The Saturday night game is Chargers or Chiefs. See, I knew this. I just forgot. All right. Chargers or Chief Okay. So that's six and a half is the actual line. I don't agree with that line. So that night game is Chargers or Chiefs. See, I knew this. I just forgot. All right.

Chargers or Chiefs. That's a really good game. Really good. My friend Connor, who's a Chiefs fan, pointed out that you could really go through those Chiefs losses. Yeah. And they could have four more wins. Oh, yeah.

It comes down to four plays for four losses for them. Jets, Raiders, for sure. That Raiders game was idiotic. They had four different chances to win the game and didn't, with no time left. Giants, Raiders. Giants game, if they don't do the Kelsey pass, they win the game. What was the one after that?

The Jets game. And then there was one other one. They only have one loss where you'd be like, oh, they got their asses kicked. Every week it's weird, yeah. So who knows? Maybe we always used to talk about, we didn't do it last year because I forgot about it,

but I used to write about on Grantland about the Wonk team, how every year there was the Wonk playoff team that would come in and be like, oh, they suck, and then all of a sudden they're in the title game oh could they qualify the chiefs could be oh the chiefs are a total wonk team wow every year there's one there's always the one that we write off and then all of a sudden there they are and we're like well the scoring points are definitely scoring since andy reed turned over the play calling duties but cold weather kc arrowheads get freaking great kareem hunt scored they have have Chargers this weekend, Miami at home, and then at Denver.

That's a pretty nice schedule. That's got to be two and one, even if they lose tonight. But as Tate pointed out on the Lombardi podcast today, Keenan Allen's turned into the story of the year. He's come back player of the year, right? He's easy comeback player of the year. Usually that's a two-year injury for receivers, running backs, all that stuff. He's come back play of the year. He's easy comeback play of the year. Usually that's a two year injury for receivers, running backs, all that stuff.

He's been dominant. It's more fun if Rivers is in I think than the Chiefs. Just from a fun standpoint who would you rather have? I think Rivers. I like the LA thing. I like the mystique of this team. What were they 0-4 to start? I like one team like that

to make it. Plus, it might be fun to bet against Anthony Lynn in the playoffs. Andy's unpredictable. He's like a cobra. Right. You might be able to kill him, but he also might bite you. That's going to be such a mess. Anthony Lynn will screw up in the playoffs. Those AFC first-round playoff games, good luck if you can pick them.

Do you think Andy Reid knows about Sonos? No, you should pick a line for this game, though, right? I thought I did. No. Chargers-Chiefs. Oh, Chiefs by three and a half. I nailed it. No, I said Chiefs by three.

It's only one. Oh, that's a mistake. I don't know. Vegas loves the Chargers. That's a mistake. CBS Sportsline has it as one. We're in playoff rules now. That's a three-point line.

So you're saying we should take the Chiefs? I'm just saying that line should be three. That line will get to three. You can't. One of those teams has to be favored by three because we're in playoff mode now. So if Chargers are going to be favored, then they have to be favored by three. Playoff games are never in the one-point range. Are they maybe because of Thursday night game,

you don't get a full three-point home field advantage for the spread? It's not Thursday, but it's Saturday. Yeah, I guess. Chiefs should be favored by three. I think that flips. Well, Andy Reid hasn't heard about Sonos One, but you guys have. It blends great sound with Amazon Alexa for hands-free control of your music and more. Use your voice to play songs, turn on lights, adjust the temperature, check news and traffic,

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Once again, Sonos.com, code Simmons10. We're heading toward a world where our devices will just be able to do everything for us. Yeah, let's get there already. It'll be like, Alexa, tell me who to bet on in the Chiefs-Chargers game. We'll be like, Sal, the line is too high. People are underestimating Andy Reid at Arrowhead. I in the Chiefs-Chargers game. He was like, Sal, the line is too high. People are underestimating Andy Reid at Arrowhead. I recommend the Chiefs. You know what? I'm going to try that.

You should try that. I need all the help I can get. Well, those are two... Those are good games. Half decent Saturday games. Yeah, sure. I think the Bears are a fun shit team. I like Jordan Howard,

who is great for me in fantasy history. I like Tariq Cohen. It's always amazing when anyone kicks to him. I like Jordan Howard, who is great for me in fantasy history. I like Tariq Cohen. It's always amazing when anyone kicks to him. They have some guys who can do stuff on defense. John Fox is basically just checked out

and maybe pound for pound the worst coach this season. Really? Who's the worst coach this season, Tate? Dirt cutter. Yeah, that's a pretty good choice. That's tough to beat.

We should have our, maybe week 17 we'll do our worst of the year awards. Well, this seems easy. Dirk Cutter, that team is a train wreck. I wrote this down, but it seems too easy. But how about the guy who hasn't won a Sunday game in 729 days? How about Hugh Jackson? 0-29 on Sundays. And by the way, most of the games, I know we just read Saturday games,

but most of the games are played on Sunday. Yeah, the vast majority. Oh, so, yeah, at least 50%. These are great points. Hugh Jackson has worst of the year. Oh, my God. That team plays to not. You know how we like, oh, I don't want.

We bet Moneyline parlays because, like, yeah, teams play to win, not to cover. Like, look at the Steelers last night. That's why we like, we bet money line parlays because teams play to win, not to cover. Like look at the Steelers last night. That's why we like it. The Browns play to lose. Once they know they're going to lose, which is very early in the game a lot of times, not yesterday, they play to not cover. I mean, getting three and a half and getting the ball in overtime, what are your odds of covering?

I'm so mad about this. You can't even. They just fired their GM. So it's not like it's a vast conspiracy. It's just like an incredible level of incompetence. Mess after mess. Hugh Jackson's awful. Hey, Sunday. Marquee. Alright. Top three game of the year. Pats

at Steelers. There are four really good ones. This is Yeah. Romo announcing. This is it. This is a... Yeah. Romo announcing? This is it. This is a good one. Romo, he's going to have to hose him down before this game? If he's not playing for the Eagles, yeah.

Why can't Romo call into your podcast? He can't call for 10 minutes? We'll both have him on. Can't call into Against All Odds? He can't, no. He's my MVP of the year. I voted for Romo over Brady. You got him a couple times.

Yeah. I have the Pats. I think this is a textbook classic. No doubt about it. Pats by three. That's what I said. Right now it's two and a half. Oh, no. That's not a lot of respect for the beating that the Pats have.

I can't believe the D. I mean, the Ryan Chazier last Steelers are a tough bet. I'm trying to remember all the times the Steelers beat the Pats. I'm done. It's happened like twice. You don't like it. The Steelers fans know.

They're not even going to get mad. They beat us, I think, in 05. There was like a one around like 2010 range. And Gronk comes back for this. Yeah. Talk about conspiracies. Listen, sometimes you have a team's number. Poop Fecta.

Only two this week. Right. Buffalo at home for the Dolphins. That's an awful game. Yeah, not on the board. Somehow playoff implications. No line for that? No, no line.

I don't know what they're looking for, but no line. The Washington Deadskins, three weeks away from a total house cleaning yet again, are home. Tickets very available on SeatGeek. Really? Very available. They're hosting the Blaine Gabbert-led Arizona Cardinals, who put up a whopping 12 points last week.

This is an awful game. I have a feeling Dick Stockton's going to be involved. I don't want to guarantee it, but I think he's going to be. I have Redskins by three. I said three also. Four and a half they have it at. That's high. Not sure I agree with that.

Hey, after I defeat you, should I start Cousins against Arizona, or should I start Dalton? At that point, I'm deleting my team. Wow. I'm deleting my CBS account and I'm not giving whoever wins our league the satisfaction of voting me out. Just write the check.

We don't need the satisfaction. We're going to the Brown zone. Hey, you know what? I'm going to move one of them to the watchables because we'll go Ravens at Browns first. Not quite a poop-fecta game because I got to say, the Browns have been pretty entertaining

in some of these games. That's what got me crazy. It's fun to have Josh Gordon back. Kaiser Soso was like, Joe Montana is converting on third and 18. Crowell was running the ball. Yeah, they have school guys. They own that game

and they just don't know how to finish. They need a finisher coach or something. I miss Josh Gordon. I miss the dude who can just jump up over people and get the ball. I don't know what they were doing

with the sunglasses on the sideline though. It's pretty weird. Calm down. You have zero wins. Yeah. You literally have zero wins. It's a Sunday,

don't you know? I have Ravens by seven and a half. They're dying for us to tease them. You get that. They really want to tease. I went higher. Don't tease them. Just bet them straight. I said eight and a half. They're dying for us to tease them. You get that. They really want to tease. I went higher. Don't tease them. Just bet them straight.

I said eight and a half. It's seven. Another tease candidate. The Vikings against the Bengals. Vikings are home? Vikings are home. I have nine and a half

for this. You're closer. I said seven and a half. Ten and a half. Another teaser. Ten and a half is too high. Have to do that5. 10.5. Another teaser. 10.5 is too high. Have to do that three-team seven-pointer. Well, what do you think of this?

You're Patriots tonight, Vikings at home, and then there's another one we'll get to in a second, I think. Saints home for the Jets, who, look, every once in a while you're just gonna be wrong about a game that jets broncos game the jets putting up the uh whopping 100 yards of offense bryce petty threw the worst fourth and three pass i've ever seen in my life we put it on the ringer twitter right it's fourth and three guy wide open and he threw it not over not only over his head but over everybody's head who was standing on the sideline out of bounds. It went over, hit the blue tent.

That's the one thing about betting these games with bad teams. Maybe it's best to just figure out Minnesota, Carolina, or Seattle, and Jacksonville. Yeah, I knew it. As soon as you're down in this game, now you have Bryce Petty who needs to come back from 10 points. The thing with bad teams is when they do well at home, you're like, that's it. Just remind myself, bad teams at home, that's better.

But then sometimes a bad team will be better on the road. Yeah, look at the Bears. Yeah, here's the point. There's no rhyme or reason in bad teams. There's no line on this one. I would have said 10.5. I said 11, but if there were one. Why isn't there a line?

Because if Josh McCown broke his arm? I guess so, I guess. I guess Bryce Petty's probably worth an extra five points for the Saints. This is our third teaser team, I think. The announcer's like, well, they're going to get a look here at Bryce Petty. Possibly Hackenberg. He's going to be active. Hackenberg.

Just do it. Oh, please. Bring back Sanchez. Eagles on the road for the New York football Giants. Nick Foles versus the prodigal son. Standing ovation yesterday. You were scared of him during that game, even though he had no receivers. You were a little frightened.

Eli Manning. No, you weren't frightened? No, I think the Giant fans ought to be ashamed. They begged for Eli to go out there, and now their poor hero had to be embarrassed. He threw two picks. They lost. They got slaughtered by their arch rival.

Sad. Sad what happened. You're going with slaughtered? 30 to 10? What was it? Okay. What do you want? What's a slaughter?

It was 10 to 10 at one point. Yeah, it was. It got fast. I have Nick Foles and the Eagles on the road. Seven points. Favorites. This is another one they don't have a line on. I don't blame them.

You don't blame them? Let's not bet it. Nick Foles. Well, no. They're waiting for confirmation, but it's definitely Nick Foles, right? Yeah. It's definitely Nick Foles. But Nick Foles.

It's confirmed now. It is. Yeah, Wentz is done. Okay, so what are they waiting for here? Let me see. Didn't Nick Foles have like concussion stuff a couple years ago? Yeah.

And he was the Eagles quarterback. Like they picked him, you know. But then he went to the Rams and had concussion stuff. Yep. I'm going to guess this. They did put a line up. It's nine.

I said eight and a half. Oh, you just gave yourself a win. What just happened? You said there was no line. I don't understand. Stuff happens as we're going. lineup it's nine i said eight and a half oh that's you just gave yourself a win what just happened you said there was no line i don't understand stuff happens as well double td jesus uh who is the eagles backup to foals do they have one tate look that up as we do this next game i think uh i think it's actually burton is it aguilar? No, I think it's Burton because he was the quarterback at Florida. You know, he was the backup.

The tight end Burton? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's their backup. So they have to sign somebody. No, they have to get somebody. Yeah, I think they'll obviously sign. Sanchez. Speaking of not, Davis Webb wasn't even active yesterday.

Like, I don't know what the Giants are going to do. Start him anyway. They've got Matt McGloin, Penn State quarterback. That's right. Wow, we've got two Penn State quarterbacks. Kerry Collins. That's rough. Jags, Texans.

Jags home. Texans with Tate's hero, T.J. Yates. I just have trouble putting the Jags over seven against anybody. I'm going to say Jags by seven. Oh, wow. I said 10. It's 11 and a half. I don't think they like what they saw to the Texans yesterday.

I don't know. TJ Yates had two touchdown drives. That's a lot of points for the Jags. That is a lot. But they destroyed the Colts. They beat up on Seattle. I guess I just can't. You wouldn't even take that on a teaser?

I can't take Bortles seriously. I just would never bet on him. I just can't do it. I'm not betting on Blake Bortles. You don't really need him this game, though. They won 29-7 the first time they played. Four watchables. I'm putting this one in the watchable category because he's so damn handsome.

So poised. Just what a quarterback. What a specimen. My man Jimmy G, he's home for the piece of shit Tennessee Titans. By the way, I thought I would get emails from Titans fans that were angry. No. It's the opposite. They're like, thank you.

I got the same thing. Thank you. They suck. I'm glad somebody in the national media finally noticed. We hate them. Right. It was hilarious. What's his name? Mario is awful.

Our coach is awful. We suck. We're awful. He is so disappointing, Mario. I can't believe he can't get it going. I think it's 10 touchdowns, 14 interceptions. Yeah. Okay, that's like a season out of 1978.

Wow, I know. It's like what we grew up with. It's Archie Manning. I think Mariota versus Winston is a potential documentary at some point. Oh, yeah. They should do a sit-down. Winston's just a train wreck. Can't believe how bad he is.

Unless he's hurt. I hope he's hurt. Do you think they have an agreement? Like, hey, we're going to suck this one. Yeah, you can't suck more than that. Next year we'll come back. Yeah, I'm going to really suck today. How about you?

What did you have for this line? It's tough for me because, as you know, I believe in Jimmy as much as I've ever believed in anybody. I think the Titans are going to be favored, but I think it's going to be out of ignorance for how gambling works. I have the Titans favored by one and a half. You were closer than I was. I had the Titans by three and a half.

The three-win San Francisco 49ers are favored by two and a half. Oh, wow. Okay, no ignorance. Let me tell you, this is why. I'm still taking them. Speaking to an NBA hole extraordinaire here, this is why football is better than basketball. Because this team, you have a team, the Tennessee is in the five spot.

They can make the playoffs. They're in a playoff position right now. You have San Francisco who, can they still get the number one draft pick if they tank? Well, maybe definitely top two if they tank the rest of the games. No, they're not thinking about it. In fact, they're favored at home over the playoff team. If the Niners called you right now and said,

Jimmy G for Dak straight up, what would you do? I don't know what you thought about it. Well, first of all, I'd be like, I don't know why you're calling me. I have nothing to do with these decisions at all. I think there's 17 Joneses I need to speak to. And then I'd say yes. Tate, Jimmy J or Dak? I think it's Garoppolo right now.

Oh, man. This is great. I always believed Lombardi and I are in the first seat of the bandwagon. We could not understand why teams weren't ponying up a first-round pick for him. He learned under the master. Learned all his tricks. Your Patriots didn't get enough. Probably. After all, so did after all god bless this guy he doesn't have to play a snap for the browns so far belichick loved him so

much and thought he was so handsome he's like i just want you to be in a great situation here's kyle shanahan go to san francisco in the niners second re uh watchable game panthers packers rogers come back. Any other week, this is the marquee game. It might even be the marquee game anyway. It's more than watchable. I think you need another category. It's like the uber watchable.

I got the Panthers by three and a half. I had four, and there's no line on this either. He's got to start, Brett. He's got to start Rodgers. So Rodgers doesn't... We don't see rogers this year if they lose that browns game right fox who loses carson wentz well they don't know they're gonna lose carson wentz at that point but how much do you think fox is rooting for rogers oh the difference

between yeah lions rams round one versus packers rams round one in LA all their dudes at the Coliseum for sure oh my god and if I'm a Rams fan I'm fucking scared even though the Packers defense sucks for that game I'm just scared of Rodgers I don't want to see Rodgers in the playoffs give me anybody I know but you know

it's gonna be Ryan it's gonna like I said it's gonna be one of those guys I want to see the Falcons I think they're poorly coached. I think the Quinn-Sarkisian combo is really something. And there's just something off with that team. They have so much talent. Other rewatchable, watchable. Rewatchable.

Watchable and rewatchable. Watch it once first. Seahawks-Rams. What a day. Great. Great. I got, it's in Seattle. once first. Seahawks-Rams. What a day. Great. Great. It's in Seattle.

I think the line should be lower than this, but I think out of respect, for a veteran team, Seahawks by three. I had three also. It was a pick, and it moved to Seattle minus one. Tough one. I think the Rams should be favored by three in this game.

And yet I wouldn't bet it. Are they better than the team in October that lost 16-10 to Seattle? Yes. Do you think they're better already? Especially if they get Woods back. My man Cooper Cup came through yesterday. He's finally making plays. Can I have a quick rant on Seattle?

Go ahead. They did this at the end of Super Bowl XLIX, too. When they're about to lose the game, they start fights. There might have been another instance of them doing this. I know some of the players are different. But I think that's such bullshit when teams do that. Obviously, we're not professional athletes. We don't know what goes on over the course of the game, but Michael Bennett,

who's considered to be some man of esteem and he's so socially aware and he's had really good and a good impact in a lot of ways on the perception of football players and how thoughtful he is on anything. He's got a, I don't know. I don't want to get on my sports reporter's high horse here but that was like bullshit rolling into the guy's legs trying to injure him what the fuck was that that's bad and why am i supposed to take him seriously now as some sort of man of esteem

when he does that it wasn't even like spur of the moment oh he didn't hold up on a hard hit it was like they're they're huddled up and he's waiting waiting, and he's like, as soon as the ball snapped, I'm going to go after this guy's legs. Yeah. I thought that was bullshit. I can't believe he did that. I was so disappointed in him. Actually, I thought— I want to have him on my podcast.

I'm uninviting him. Really? You're out, Michael Bennett. And he's not going to be— Don't want you on my podcast. Not going to be captain of the week? No. He's my anti-captain of the week.

That was horseshit. We should have something like that. Yeah, there's enough opportunity to hurt your opponent in this game and to sully the game. And when the guy's kneeling, let's just let the game play out. Unless that guy leg-whipped him or did something that we didn't see and it was like he was so mad about it the whole game because the guy tried to affect his livelihood. If there was nothing like that.

It's an intense sport, Bill. That was bullshit. Don't do that. It's the most likable thing Fournette's ever done. When he went into the middle of all those guys and tried to make a push. He was like, I've got to defend my teammates. I was like, good for you, Fournette, finally. Yeah, this is what he means.

Football is easy. We have mounting evidence that the Seahawks are just sore losers. They're like the sore losers of this decade. They could be. All they do is bitch about stuff. When you give yourself a nickname, a legion, a boom, it's only going to go one way. Sunday night, your team in Oakland playing the horrific Oakland Raiders. If you don't win this game.

Zeke not back, though. No, it was the last one. Last one without Zeke. I had the Cowboys by four. I think the Raiders are atrocious. You get it. I said five and a half. Why are they atrocious? It should be closer to a touchdown.

How did they almost cover yesterday? I was so mad. Oh, man. Can you imagine? 26-0 and all of a sudden Oakland's driving. It's 26-15 for the worst backdoor cover of the year. That would have been bad. And Tate the Snake says a lot on his podcast, and we all know it,

but Sean Lee, 18 tackles and interception. But that is such a difference. He's there kinkly. Are you kidding me? If he's out there, it's different. You can't count on him ever. You kidding me having that guy in there? Yeah.

So much confusion at the underneath passes. Can you get seven more weeks out of him? Seven? You need seven to win the Super Bowl. No. We can get one. Seven straight, Sean Lee. One and a half.

Can you get seven Keekly weeks, Tate? Yeah. Keekly's back. We'll combine Keekly with Sean Lee. I love it. Seven and a half weeks. You going over or under? I'm going over.

I'm buying in. That's good. That's a good one. Millennials are so optimistic. Monday night falcons at bucks the bucks are another dumpster fire worst awful poorly coached no character i need this one to tie you for the week i had the falcons by three oh and i got it said six. It's five and a half. Why do you rail on Tampa how bad they are? Well, it's not like the Falcons are barrel laughs.

They still need to win. They still need to win this game. Well, that's going to be the poorly coached Olympics right there. They beat them 34-20 a couple weeks ago. All right, we're going to set up parent corner. But first, Framebridge, if you've ever seen anything we've done in my office on Instagram, when I take pictures with guests, and you notice those beautiful framed photos in the background on my account,

at spitguy33, you probably noticed how nice my posters looked. Our friends at FrameBridge framed everything in there. FrameBridge's experts custom frame my items in days, not weeks or months. Delivered my finished pieces ready to hang. Go to framebridge.com. You can upload digital photos, Instagram, whatever you want. Their designers will help you pick the perfect frames. Instead of the hundreds you'd pay at a framing store, their prices start at $39. All shipping is free.

The TLC they put in their framing and packaging is incredible. It's one of my favorite companies i'm a frame bridge groupie what's your favorite frame piece in the office macho man yeah i think macho man well it makes me think of tom savage though now so we we taped a pod with paul thomas anderson that was just top five podcasts of the year that we've done he was amazing but he came in he's like right same age range as us and was just looking at the walls and immediately got bummed out that we didn't have a Boogie Nights poster.

I could tell. Oh, yeah. So I was like, look, there's no good Boogie Nights poster. There's only that one. It's too generic. Like I like to have posters that stand out a little bit.

And he's like, oh, there's one. I have one in my garage. There's this cool Italy one I'll get it to you and I was like I'll bump the Macho Man I pointed the Macho Man I was like

I'll bump Macho Man right now for your awesome Boogie Nights poster so hopefully Paul Thomas Anderson the greatest director in the last 20 years

will find time to send us that awesome poster I'll take the Macho Man off your hands if you need to well I'm not saying we dump the Macho Man. We're just moving him out of that prominent real estate. Eh, we'll find a spot for him.

Maybe Tate can stare at him and Miss Elizabeth instead of the uncut. All right, Tate. Go to framebridge.com. Use promo code BS. You save an additional 15% off your first order. Again, framebridge.com. Promo code BS.

Parent Corner had an awkward situation this week when a girl on Zoe's soccer team talked about how much she loved Parent Corner. Her and her parents listened to the whole Parent Podcast. Now there's 12-year-old girls hearing about your sex life. Yeah. Why don't you go first? We have to be careful with these?

Mine isn't that good this week, so I don't know whether... Mine's okay, dude. I don't know. I'll go first? We have to be careful with these. Mine isn't that good this week, so I don't know whether... Mine's okay, though. I don't know. I'll go first. It's not that good. So every year we do a Christmas card. You do one, right?

Yeah. You have all nice, beautiful pictures, right, of the kids. I don't know if my wife has even finished it yet this year. It's an issue. Yeah. Yeah. It's always an issue with me, too. With me, it's stupid.

I did a dumb thing where I i said let's get creative with these so like uh one year we had the kids on santa's lap and their eyes were closed all three of their eyes were closed and one year they were all playing on ipads on santa's lap not right not paying attention one year i had rowdy roddy piper uh with the family um so i now i have to keep this going it has to be like a bit just a a, another bit. And, and my wife is like at day after Thanksgiving, he's like, what's our Christmas car. I said, I don't even want to think about this. I have football and Trump jokes and crazy stuff. I have no time for this. Now it's December 9th and we don't have a Christmas card. And I say to the kids, all right, we're

going to get our Christmas tree. I say to the wife and kids, I said, let's, uh, let's have the kids fight by the, just have a fight and I'll just snap pictures and buy the Christmas trees. I said to the wife and kids, I said, let's, uh, let's have the kids fight by the, just have a fight. And I'll just snap pictures and buy the Christmas trees. And, and that'll be it. No, no, I don't want to fight. My wife's like, I don't want that. That'll show that they're crazy and it's not going to be good. And all this, I'm like, all right. And I fight with her. So we go in for the Christmas tree. I'm like, get, get dressed. And my oldest, like, why it's like 75 degrees. I was like, put a scarf on. I don't care.

It has to look holiday-ish. So he goes there, and we're all now right around the trees, and I yell, all right, kids, fight. And they're just like going at it and running and chasing around the trees, and I'm now running with the camera, and I'm knocking like old ladies over, and the help, you know. Like, I don't know if you know those Christmas tree helpers. Like they're kind of like on work parole, like they're, they're kind of just out of jail. A lot of them. Or maybe I'd like one of those work weekend passes where they

have to go back on Monday. They have no time for my nonsense. That's for sure. But I'm not getting it. Like the branches are in the kid's eyes and the nine-year-old can't stand a three-year-old. So he wants to tackle him right away. And the 12-year-old gets mad at the nine-year-old can't stand a three-year-old so he wants to tackle him right away and the 12-year-old gets mad the nine-year-old but i'm not getting a good shot and i'm backing in the people and the wife is mad and uh there's no great ending to it but i ended up deleting every picture and now that was it you caused a royal rumble at the christmas tree store rumble for no reason and now i was like you know what we're going to use the 2013 christmas card the kids good you're running it back the four-year-old and i'm gonna say sorry we were just too lazy this year cross out 2007 13 that's a good idea that's it that's it i like that idea i don't know what the christmas cards

it never ends though right it gets competitive with with uh i know the moms get a little competitive about it yeah like there's so so much Christmas card judgment in our house. Oh, my God. I love it. We don't open it. What we do is we get them, and we just put them in this giant bowl, and we don't look at them. What do you mean? We get them, we don't open them, and then we have this night where we go through all of them.

It's the most judgmental my daughter can get. It really is. It's so good. Oh, that's not even in focus like a lot of those. It's great. I should get. It really is. It's so good. Oh, that's not even in focus. Like a lot of those. It's great. I should Instagram live it this year. The funny thing is, you should definitely should do it.

Depending on who it is, but if it's a shot at the beach, my wife can be like, oh, look at the Smiths. It looks so nice. And then if it's someone she doesn't like, she's like, look at these people rubbing it in at the beach. It was disgusting. I i was like we just looked at three that you liked about that

talking about that's a good one um i'm gonna tell my story of my daughter's soccer tournament that she had this weekend which was a saturday sunday thing we drive down on saturday win the first game now we have like seven hours to kill the second games at 7 30 at night how do you do it so 11 o'clock so we're in the double tree in irvine irvine's the best place for a soccer tournament because uh they have this giant irvine spectrum mall so my daughter conks out for two hours and I'm just watching bad TV and Clippers, all this stuff. And then eventually wakes up and then we're off. Get there 7.30.

We're playing this team. There's a rule with soccer. Like you pick a side. The parents pick one side. The other parents pick the other side. And you do it for a couple reasons. One is like some people like to sit close to the line. You can't just, it's not like the NBA where you just get to sit in court and pick a side um

this this team for whatever reason they just took all the best territory right around midfield on both sides both sides so we're like and there's a lot of them and we don't have as many parents and some in the past we've done the whole hey you know you're supposed to pick a side they want they want people to do this because it's a great way for parents to get in fights when they're right next to each other um there's so many at this point we just kind of set up in one spot so the game starts the people on our left start complaining that we're on their side. And we're like, we're not on it. You guys took both sides.

And they're like, we're supposed to be on the side that where our benches. And we're like, well, then we'll go on the other side, but tell your parents to move here. And they're just sitting in chairs, not moving. They're like, well, whatever. Giving us attitude. We're like, well, what side do you want to be on? So now we're yelling back and forth with these parents. It goes, the us attitude. We're like, well, what side do you want to be on? So now we're yelling back and forth with these parents. It goes, the moment passes.

Three minutes later, somebody on the other side's like, you know, we score, we're applauding, and somebody makes a comment. Basically like, you're on the wrong side. We're like, what side are we supposed to be on? Look, there are all your parents over there. So I'm mad, somebody else. And it's like, is this going to go down?

We're going to get in a fight? And then it settles down again. And it's ridiculous. And we lose the dumbest game I think we've ever lost. Two to one. They score on both of their two chances. We have 75,000 chances that we don't score on. But we had won the first game.

Three team brackets. Final four. So the best team in each bracket advances. So now we're in a three-way tiebreaker with these other two teams. The team we beat and the team that we lost the stupid game to. The bracket sends us through. Some sort of tiebreaker system. So now we're in the semis.

We're like, thank God. That would have been the worst if we lost this team. We never should have lost to show up the next morning. The other team protests how the tiebreaker rules were interpreted. Oh, so we're all there. We're ready. We're playing semifinals. Zoe's all fired up.

She got up early. She had a bagel. She's got blister blister stuff on. She's like ready to roll. Really wants to win this tournament. And now there's a bagel. She's got blister stuff on. She's like ready to roll, really wants to win this tournament. And now there's a big conference. Our manager's yelling at the whole thing. And it turns out our kids get bumped and have to go to the consolation game because the first tiebreaker's head to head.

So everybody beat each other. Second tiebreaker's goal differential. Everybody had the same goal differential. We scored three goals and gave up three goals. The other two teams scored two goals, gave up two goals. The third tirebreaker, what do you think it is? Do you think it's goals scored or goals or least goals allowed? Hold on, let me check CBS Sportsline and see how they do it.

Least goals allowed. Okay, that was the tirebreaker. Yeah, you're saying that's wrong. So two teams had two goals allowed. We had three. So the coach argued that we should have now been eliminated from the three-way tiebreaker because we weren't, and it should have been the other two advanced.

The tournament director decides that this is actually the correct interpretation, apologizes to us. Here's my point. By the way, all yelling yelling we're all mad every team shows up the team that was eliminated shows up thinking they were in another consolation game that was like two fields over so they're like hey we're gonna play if we can get this so we we take their spot in the consolation that team ends up winning the tournament the team that we beat wow um here's my point here's why i tell on Parent Corner, other than the fact that I almost was in two different altercations this weekend.

U.S. soccer is terrible, right? U.S. soccer is the worst. We didn't make the World Cup. We have no creativity. We have no scoring on our team. Pulisic is the only good player we have. This is why. We just stink.

We're just offensively, we're so uncreative. This whole youth soccer system is set up to play kickball and to not give up goals. And to not have possession, to not be creative, to not attack. You're basically trying to play one-nothing games and get into penalty kicks. And just be as conservative as possible. If there's any danger, you think, kick it out. Then they reward it with this tiebreaker thing. And the tiebreaker is least goals allowed versus most goals allowed.

Yeah. They reward you to play like shit. Interesting. All right. So fuck you, U.S. soccer. That's my parent quarter. We had the best team in that tournament. Sponsored by Doubletree.

Yeah. You believe that, though? Least goals allowed. I can't believe you should what time was that game sunday you're you're literally better off going to this turn it was 9 30 and so you show up with everybody we're like yeah we're playing the semis here we go oh that's bad and then uh you're you're better off playing zero zero games and just going penalty kicks this is why u.s soccer sucks because this is how we think as a country. That should have been your Christmas card. You brawling with the parents.

Yeah, and by the way, parents out there, pick a fucking side. Pick one side or the other side. You don't get to sit on both sides. This is why U.S. soccer sucks because in the World Cup, we're all on all different sides.

Seriously, you're going to see me in like TMZ and some sort of... I can't wait. I'm going to have to alert them. Ringer CEO Bill Simmons in fist fight over seat location. I'm going to send the crew. Pick one fucking side and sit in the side, and then we get the other side.

This isn't hard. I love it. God damn it. I hate you, soccer. I'm so glad it's over. I can't wait for it to come back. Is it over? Our season's over now.

Yeah, but that's when you get two weeks off. Yeah, then it comes back in January. Coming back. January's three weeks. I've decided there's one more piece to the story season's over now yeah but that's so that's yeah then it comes back in january yeah coming back january's three weeks i i've decided there's one more piece to the story that i'm not gonna say because it would cause too much parent tension oh really all right yeah um just say it what is it i can't what is it i care i don't worry about the 12-year-old listening and her parents. Yeah. You just ruined it. That's fine. Now he's skittish.

What do you got to plug? Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. Jack Black, Kirk Herbstreit, Lee Corso, and Desmond Howard are on. And Walk the Moon, Against All Odds. Yeah, the Parlay Kid hit with the Eagles Panthers. I bought it. We'll have best bets, bowl games, props, and the ring of Christmas parties. Saturday night on Olympic and La Brea, you're all invited.

I'm excited for that. The General Trifecta is coming. Are you going to give Tate an Employee of the Year award? You should give him the award. The Jimmy Garoppolo award? Just give it to him. Have a trophy for him. Hand some up a cover.

The EOD, Employee of the Year. Who would get upset, most upset, and cover the o e o t employee of the year who would get upset most upset if you give tate the uh employee of the year oh lots of people a lot of people really millennials are very touchy really oh you gotta do this you have to do this thanks to harry harry might eat it yeah we we might have to hire a security guard just to watch Harry for the entire program. I'm kidding. Thanks to SeatGeek. Don't forget, NBA tickets first time. Go to SeatGeek.

Code is BSNBA. Thanks to Sonos. Don't forget about Sonos One. Blends great sound with Amazon Alexa for hands-free control of your music and more. First time ever, Sonos offering listeners of the BS Podcast 10% off one order of $2,500 or less for any product on Sonos.com. Limited time only cannot be combined

with any other discounts or promotions. Use promo code SIMMONS10 at Sonos.com to receive this exclusive offer. When are we going to get Romo? We'll get him on. I'll talk to him. I mean, he can't be on Against the Law. It's a gambling podcast, but he can be on this one, right?

So we'll do a special podcast on this one. Yeah. I want to find out about what his year was like as an announcer and what he liked and stories about coaches. We just got to get him on. The problem is he's on AFC, so he'll never be out here for LA. Well, he did, what do you call it? He did Panthers.

Could he be Chargers Chiefs on Saturday night? No. That would be the B team. No, I thought he said he's doing Patriots. Oh, he'll do Pats. He's got to be doing that one. But potentially he could do week 17. It could be Chargers home for Oakland.

Right. That could be AFC on the line. We could have a playoff game too. All right. There you go. All right. We'll go. One last thing we got to talk about.

Jimmy Kimmel's son, Billy Kimmel. Oh, great news. Big week last week. Yeah. Got through big surgery. Second one. There's my captain. I don't know why.

That was bad of me. Yeah. The firefighters. He should have been my captain. That's right. why. That was bad of me. Yeah. The firefighters. He should have been my captain. That's right. He'll be our third captain of the week. Co-captain. Big surgery on Monday.

Made it through out of the hospital. All good news. Not a scratch on him. The wire started coming off four and five at a time. And by the end of the week, he was brand new. He's a tough little dude. Yeah, he really is. Snap his home and then that's it for a while that's his surgeries i think uh had this amazing amazing doctor

yeah it's really uh it's all good and uh we thank the guest host for last week stepping in and now we have uh another week it's gonna be good i mean i can't even imagine but having your kid especially after you've gotten to know him for a few months and then having to go through that and then having anesthesia, all that shit. That's so much. Count your blessings, man. We're in the waiting room waiting for the results of the surgery

and Jimmy and his wife come. He comes in and he's like, everything's good. It all worked out and we're all hugging i'm like you see what was everyone worried about you guys worry for nothing i knew what is wrong with you that's how you cope with awkward awkward sadness though you have to make a joke uh well he's doing great um that's it that's it that's it for the bs pod good job oh princesses last week this oh is it what is it the 15th right is it it's it that's it for the BS pod good job by you good job by you Billy oh Princess is last week this week

oh is it what is it the 15th right is it it's Friday is it are you his last guest no I'm coming

I'm going out on Wednesday I think oh you are for an hour yeah oh nice yeah he loved you he's uh

he's gonna be missed you would have added we didn't talk about Yankee's judge either or Yankee's Stanton I don't either you would have added five years to his career

what if you had taken him up to his career what if you had taken him up on his uh oh yeah if you had dated if you had uh no if you would oh 2009 is that when it was oh yeah yeah yeah that would have been good i think it would have been it would have been fun of course i don't i don't know if i could spend five hours a week with any five hours a day with anybody like that though no yeah is it five even if we were any five hours a day with anybody like that though no yeah is it five even if we were doing five hours a day at some point we would start hating each other right i just feel like you have to yeah the parent corners would be just three hours sorry all

right thanks everybody for listening we're back on uh on wednesday with a little bit more uh good I don't want to see them on the wayside never I don't have feelings with them On the wayside never