The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Week 16 With Cousin Sal (Ep. 302)

Episode Date: December 18, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the crazy Pats-Steelers finish (6:00), Todd Gurley's dominant performance in Seattle (15:00), Jimmy G's new groove with the Niners (21:00), the Ravens' playoff chances (36:00), the top NFC contenders (44:00), the Seahawks' struggles (57:00), the NFL games on Christmas Day (1:01:00), and another edition of "Parent Corner" (1:05:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Week 15 was as insane as we predicted it would be. But first, Pearl Jam. Cousin Sal's here. I just spent the entire day with him yesterday. Sal and the degenerate trifecta came over to watch football with me. What a nice time. My dad was there. Nephew Kyle. Can only really fit like seven people in my little house there. Perfect. And then we invited Brad.

Brad Mulcahy. Who you might remember from the Against All Odds podcast Sal and I did with him. Which was either the funniest or second funniest podcast I've been involved with in podcast, Sal and I did with him, which was either the funniest or second funniest podcast I've been involved with in 2015, 17 and beyond. But Brad was out of his mind. He was out of his mind. What happened?

He was so crazy that my dog, Willie, a great dog, never, not a violent moment, just started angrily barking at him. Right. He said something. I have to to you know he god forbid he he's able to have uber on his phone i don't even know that he has a phone anymore so i have to call it uber to get him over here and i think it's wildly uh amusing to put him in an uber pool yes you know and then i could say oh look they're picking up judy oh what what this port and this driver. What, what was that?

So he gets there. He finally gets there. And yeah, yeah, he's crazy. But, but I think sort of respectful because your dad was there too. That was a respectful performance? I think so. I think a tiny bit tame. So he came in, he had five Shastas. No, no, no.

Tiki Punch. Tiki Punch. I thought they were Shasta Tiki Punches. Oh, are they Shastas? Okay, no. Tiki Punch. Tiki Punch. I thought they were Shasta Tiki Punches. Oh, are they Shastas? Okay, yeah. He had five cans of them and was bemoaning the fact that he didn't buy more than just five. They're all for him, yeah. He had three different cans of Pringles, which I thought was interesting.

Instead of just getting two long ones, he got one long one and two short ones. Little coffee cake things. He had a little coffee cake thing. He did not bring tobacco which i was pleasantly surprised by because usually he spills that all over my uh you went through you were you were in a bit of a panic trying to figure out the seating arrangements uh before he got well i yeah i know he needed space um and as it turned out he sat at the table directly in my line of vision and fidgeted and acted crazy for six solid hours, which only stressed me out more and more as the Steelers and Pats game heated up.

But the good news, they didn't spill anything. Only one bathroom trip with loud moaning that frightened my wife and my dogs. So that was good. He did not have any tantrums. I thought he was relatively respectful. So that was good. He did not have any tantrums. No, it was good. I thought he was relatively respectful. Well, what's funny is... And your friends weren't positive that he wasn't an actor prior to portray Brad, right?

No, and I drove him to the airport after your house. I had to do a lot of explaining as to whether or not what we witnessed was legit. Yeah. All that spinning and moaning and talking to himself. They just couldn't believe it was true. What we forgot is we had to force Tate's team, North Carolina, who was playing Tennessee. Brad's a Tennessee fan.

We put that in the top right TV, yeah. For what reason? Couldn't name one player on the team. His uncle played for the Tennessee football team. He's now forever indebted to Tennessee and roots for all the teams. But yes, he couldn't name one player, but was very excited about the game.

And I think Tate, I think they were, Carolina was down a dozen or so at some yeah they were down the entire game of course they blew it and brad went nuts and it was a it was a rollicking day we had harry on the couch who was still celebrating his indonesian open win at four in the morning right right yeah justin rose and then had like a 16 part six player prop parlay that he was obsessed with the whole day. The trifecta is just as degenerate as expected. Lots of bets coming. I loved it. My dad's reaction after,

other than just asking a lot of questions about Brad, was, wow, a lot of gambling going on in the room today. It really dominated the conversation, almost more than the football. I'll tell you'll tell you what I gave your dad who turned 70 recently I gave him a free bet I gave him I'll say I'll give you a 70 bet pick one of the early games we're watching together he studied it for a couple minutes and then pointed to the Packers plus yeah and he was just as vocal in that game as a gambler as he was during the past as he was during the past I think I got during the past. It is true. I think he bought like a timeshare in Summerlin or something. You think he's going to be living at the Morongo in six months?

He's lined up. He's got the shakes. Playing video poker? Yeah. It was quite a day. And I can't think of a better person to spend those last two minutes of the Pittsburgh Pats game with than Brad, who stood up next to the tv and then uh the uh jesse james catch was overruled and he stormed out of the guest house the dog started barking at him

again that really is gonna get balled by that's how he celebrates and then uh and then rothlisberger does the inexcusable pass so that was unbelievable yeah let's go let's go through it so the steelers can close the game with four minutes left and can't get a first down. Terrible third and four pass. Right. Right? Third and four, we haven't really stopped them the whole game.

Two seven-minute drives. One only went for 30 yards. Right. Kind of playing the game you need to play to beat the Patriots. Third and four, they're up five, and they ran a pass that we just sniffed out and the safety tackles them.

Kicked the ball to us. I'm screaming like, do you want to do an imitation of me with why won't we throw to Gronkowski the whole game? Throw to Gronk.

It was just throw to Gronk. The whole second half. Just throw to Gronk. What are we doing? It was just, we try to get cute and do everything but throw to Gronk.

I don't know if they're trying to save his body for the playoffs or it's almost like a begrudging throwing it to the best tight end of all time. Yeah. We try to get cute and do everything but throw to Gronk. I don't know if they're trying to save his body for the playoffs. It's almost like a begrudging throwing it to the best tight end of all time who's wide open the entire game. And then they break down the play, and you look at him, and it's like a baby hanging on to his 12-year-old brother's leg. It's like, all right, just throw it to that guy.

Throw it to the guy whose five inches taller than the guy guarding him and who's wide open every play. He's not open now, but he just throw it to that guy. He's going to be— Throw it to the guy who's five inches taller than the guy guarding him and who's wide open every play. Yeah, he's not open now, but he'll figure it out. But so they're just not throwing it to him. And the drive before, when they got down to, like, I think the 40 or something, and then, like, just did not give him the ball. So this drive, they get the ball back, and Gronk caught every single pass until they got to the 70-yard line.

And it was weird that they weren't double-teaming him. Right. Because who else was going to hurt them? Brandon Cooks couldn't get open. Cooks wasn't getting open the whole game. Amendola can't get open for more than seven yards. There's no Chris Hogan. All the other dudes aren't getting open.

The running backs are getting open on screen passes. I'm just like, let's take out Gronk. We win the game. They don't. We score. Now it's like enough time fork. We win the game. They don't. We score. Now it's like enough time for them to get the field goal. But no.

A crossing route goes for 69 yards because our entire defense falls apart. They would have been happy with a 12-yard and stepping out 12 yards. Yeah. Well, sometimes this happens in football now where they don't hit the guy because they think he's going out of bounds and he doesn't go out of bounds. Stewards go down. Big fat Ben is too slow and fat to run down in time so they can call timeout. So they have to waste the timeout there. And now we know they're going to throw.

They throw him first down. Tight end's wide open. Catches it. Touchdown. They show the replay a hundred times. I was the first one. You are. i was the first one in the room i was like that's that's not that's like this is like the safarian jenkins play stupid we already won on this play yeah right yeah that should be enough then romo and nance take another two minutes before they figure out what's going on

and then the catch gets overturned now everyone's blaming that for the Steelers not winning. And it's a good thing to blame. And it was certainly lucky. And I don't know how many times this has worked out in the Pats' favor. It's amazing over the years. But the Steelers still were on the 10-yard line with Le'Veon Bell, a defense that's not very good, and a quarterback with two rings, who then on the next play gets to like the three yard line yeah and has time to either down it call time out whatever and completely panics and throws a very

hard line drive pass over the middle to a double covered guy nobody else is running a pass route except for this guy ball gets tipped it's the one pass you don't want to do and he threw it and then threw the uh the uh offensive coordinator the bus after the game it's a bad pass that's like blake portals would throw that pass yeah so i think he has to get some heat for how bad that pass was if you want to complain about the call and the rules and all that stuff i get it but at least throw a little bit toward rothlisberger you could go back but you could also go back to their defense they're up 21 13 was it late third or fourth or what whatever it was? Brady throws. Could add a pick.

Oh, yeah. Could add another pick. That would have been it. No, that was with two minutes left. Pat's down five. Right. Then they get down to five. And our pal Romo immediately says, oh, my God,

Brady loves it when you give him a second chance like that. He will kill you every time. And he did. And he did. But, you know, the general trifecta, when we were going to your house, I said, all right, listen, we don't like the Patriots,

but we have to all bet the Patriots because they're going to be rooting for the Patriots. Bill is dead. Yeah, smart. I like it. And if you want to be invited back, you have to bet and root for the Patriots. They have a permanent invite back. I enjoyed the trifecta.

And they were like, that's great. Now we're looked at as good luck, so maybe we will be invited back. But I had money on the Patriots, and even I felt sick with that touchdown getting overturned. I'm like, this is crazy. It's the right rule. I mean, by the rule, it's right, but it's not the way to do it. It's like that guy's got to become a runner at some point.

When you're lunging for extra yards, you're a runner. I 100% agree. Here's my solution. Take one sports bar fan in all the 32 major markets, 32 markets that represent the teams. Show them 20 close call catches and say, how do you want this ruled? Do you want this to be a touchdown or do you want it to be incomplete? And then whatever they come up with,

whatever the data shows, change it so that that's a touchdown or so that that isn't a touchdown. The part I don't get is that a pure runner, all he has to do is cross the plane with the ball and then you can hit it out of his hands and it's like they don't say that he has to complete the run.

Yeah, right. They get so precious precious but the complete the pass is different right um it seemed like if you catch it and you're turning and you have a step at some point you should transition into a runner and that would be the easy solution to this right oh you're a runner now because you have control and you're turning and going for the goal line about two feet down in possession how about that that's something everyone could sink their teeth into, right? Oh, I saw, look, he's got both feet down. He's got possession. He's just lunging for an extra yard.

The other question is, have we gone too far with all this stuff? Because I feel it in basketball too, whether we need to scale back at all. Well, do I? Just watching games? Just this all like split, split, split, hundredth of a second.

Oh, the ball. It's like, come on. I know. We had an email we were sending a couple weeks ago saying that the replays should have to be watched in full speed or half speed, but not one one-hundredth of a speed. I think that's a pretty good rule. I know they won't do it. Right.

But I don't know. It's like on the one hand they're judging all this stuff by one and a hundred all that stuff and then you you see the raiders cowboys last night where they're measuring this crucial fourth down yes and then you can see from the tv they're not holding the pole straight right the pole was tilted away from the ball it was like wow they're are they really gonna lose this because the pole's not tilted correctly yeah i thought they could move the chain closer to the ball. The whole thing's ridiculous.

The whole chain was off. How do we not have a better system? How is there not a chip in the ball? Tennis is the best. I know it's a much smaller court to cover and everything, but it does seem there should be a chip somewhere because tennis replay is the great. Just gets it right down to nothing.

Well, let me ask you this. Did the right team win the game yesterday? Pat Steelers. You don't care either way. Well, let me ask you this. Did the right team win the game yesterday? Pat Steelers. You don't care either way. Yeah, I think they do. I think I feel bad. I think I felt bad for football a little bit. I felt bad that freaking Ryan Shazier has to be taken out of that

with all those miserable fans. It's kind of lousy. It's kind of lousy the way that ended up. But I think the right team did win. They couldn't hold on to the lead. Steelers and the Patriots won. I think it should have been overtime. Yeah.

I think the right solution to that game, because I thought it was so tight and back and forth, and both teams had, at some point, it just felt like the game was going different ways. Both games felt like an overtime game. Yeah. And the reality is the Steelers uh you know they did they did not not pound the clock and finish the game they let us get a go-ahead touchdown

and they blew a couple chances to score in the 10-yard line i think with the overtime the guy dropped the interception that would have won the game would have created more i think whoever got the kickoff would have scored a touchdown those didn of those things. Yeah, I agree. Those did not feel like the two best teams in the AFC. Oh, really? No? Did you feel that way? I thought it was played on a pretty high level. Really? Yeah, I thought it was good. And Antonio Brown goes out. We didn't even mention

that. That was huge. Is he out a week? In a weird way, though. Until the playoffs. Until the playoffs. It did kind of get them to slow down the pace and play the way that I kind of was worried they were going to play. Just using Bell and just very deliberate. And I don't know if they would have done that with Brown. I felt like their offense was really good.

I don't feel like they lost that game because Antonio Brown got hurt. Do you? Right. No, but it's nice to have that big play. It is nice to have that, dude. Yeah. Maybe they win by 10 if he's in there, but I don't feel like they lost.

Well, it's a great game. I'd like to see it again in a month. Let's take a quick break, talk about Hotel Tonight. If you're like me and you're not so great at planning ahead, there's an awesome app called Hotel Tonight that helps you find amazing hotel deals at the last minute. What a great app for the holidays. Oh, yeah, unlike flights, hotel rates get cheaper

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By the way, Brady had some great quotes. What did he say? In the uh just all around about how much like he was locked in yesterday he loves it i think those guys really love playing in pittsburgh because it's just a great crowd and uh it's just there's a real energy and i think they look at it like this is why we play it's like one of those deals like gronk was locked in all the right guys were locked into that game. We still don't have a pass rush. That's a concern. Yeah, right.

Couldn't really stop the running game. You did say to your dad a couple times, I'm not sure we're good. I just don't know if we're good. I'm not sure anyone's good. Who's good? The Rams might be good. Rams might be good. Rams look fast. Both sides of the ball. I think Minnesota's good. Minnesota's good. The Rams might be good. The Rams looked good yesterday. The Rams might be good. The Rams looked fast.

Both sides of the ball. I think Minnesota's good. Minnesota's good. I think Philly's... Minnesota's doing it without... It's not even Adam Thielen lighting it up anymore. I think the Pats... You can't put them higher than third right now. I don't think.

The Rams might have been first if they had held on against the Eagles. The thing is, they're a young team that's learning how to do this this and what they did yesterday is what they needed to do in that game they didn't need just just need to win they need to go in there and send a statement not to sound like sports media guy but that was like they hadn't played a great game against a good team yet well let's go they went in and they beat the shit out of seattle what nfc team the patriots most afraid of? I would say the Rams, but just goth. The Rams are young. Not battle-tested is the only thing. Rams are young, but they really play above their heads, I think,

against these teams. Super fast on D. That's the thing you start looking at now is the teams that are just flying around. That team flies around. Yep. And Gurley is great. And they have guys that I was looking at those 20-plus plays, and they get 20-plus plays over and over again.

These aren't like 19-play 80-yard drives. These are like they're strikes. They're like attacks. How about the 20-plus defensively? It seems like Russell Hustle and Bustle was sacked for minus 20 a bunch of times. That team's really good. They pressured him 48 of his dropbacks that's insane they have uh they're at tennessee this week a team that we both think sucks

and then yeah and then home for san francisco minnesota has is a game better than them with tiebreaker it looks like the rams are locked into the third seed unless they blow one of these. Right? Right, because the Green Bay game for Minnesota, it looks like it's not going to be Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, they shouldn't play him again. Well, I mean, if Atlanta wins, they're out anyway. If Atlanta wins tonight. Right.

So that would, yeah. Who should have been in that game, Brett Hundley or Aaron Rodgers? I don't know. Man, there were flashes ofley or Aaron Rodgers? I don't know. Man, there were flashes of brilliance for Rodgers. He couldn't throw deep. He had no steam on the old kahuna. He was running for first downs and everything. I saw a lot of good things out of him.

Didn't seem like he had arm strength. No, you weren't going to keep him out of that game, though. So the playoff picture, Jacksonville's locked into the third spot unless they can leapfrog Pittsburgh. As gamblers, what do we want to happen there i was looking at the best scenario for as a viewer like a fun scenario yeah the best scenario pittsburgh baltimore round one is the most fun round one oh you think so if jacksonville catches pittsburgh and we get but baltimore gets six that we already know those teams are fun together.

I wasn't even thinking they could drop that much, but I guess... Why? It's one game. Well, yeah. The thing is, they're at Houston, then home for Cleveland, so odds are they're not losing again. Right. KC is looking like an almost mortal lock as the four spot. So does that bum you out?

Like, that's a tough second- round matchup for the Patriots. First game. I'm okay with KC. Really? Yeah. I'm all right. KC, Baltimore, San Diego. Which one are you most afraid of?

San Diego. For your first game. You don't want San Diego on the five. Don't want San Diego. I think they have the most weapons. I don't think any of those teams are good though.

I think Tennessee is abominable. Jimmy G shredded them. That was the best because we had Jimmy G on another TV and we had the Patriots surviving in Pittsburgh at the same time as our lord and savior Jimmy Garoppolo was ripping through another win. He's completely rejuvenated. You love this guy.

There was a big argument in the Ringer NFL Slack last night about did the Pats screw up this Garoppolo thing. And I don't know what else they could have done. Listen, I've criticized the Pats plenty for dumb stuff. I don't understand how else they could have played it. Once Brady is like, I'm not leaving, what do they do? They're not going to release Brady. You can't pay.

Garoppolo's worth $20 million a year this winter. They can't pay him that. Your dad said franchise him. Just keep franchising him. My dad has no idea how the salary cap works. He should have kept both. It's like $30 million for two quarterbacks. He's a degenerate gambler.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know. You've ruined him. But I don't know what else they could have done. I actually think they played it. They used him as an insurance policy for as long as they could the bummer for me is if if brady had just said going into this year i'm done after this year age 40 this is great what a great career i can get out of my health that actually would

have been a better outcome for the patriots because garoppolo is great he's one of the best eight quarterbacks in the league. We traded him for the second round pick. You even made Tate laugh there. Tate, name me eight quarterbacks you'd rather have. Would you rather have Jared Goff or Garoppolo? Trubisky. Go ahead, Tate. Trubisky. Trubisky.

That guy stinks, Tate. I'm sorry. You'd rather have Wentz? Uh-huh. I'd rather have Cam. I'd rather have... You'd rather have Cam than Garoppolo? Absolutely.

Who else? Matt Ryan? Matt Ryan. You'd rather have Matt than Garoppolo. Absolutely. Who else? Matt Ryan. You'd rather have Matt Ryan than Jimmy. Yes, Drew Brees. Drew Brees at age 39 over Jimmy. He's one of the top eight quarterback assets. I'm saying he's an asset. He's top eight.

Oh, man. He's one of the eight best quarterbacks. If you're starting a team, you want Jimmy. You said last week you'd rather have Jimmy than Dak. All right. I didn't say Dak's in the top eight. But it's like... No, for the future, though.

You're talking right now he's a top eight? Right now he's top 10. I think as an asset, he's top eight. Wow. Might even be top seven. And here's the thing. The whole league, everyone blew it. It's like, don't look at the Patriots.

All these teams are idiots. Everyone wants a quarterback. Chicago trades up one spot. They give up the Alvin Kamara pick to get freaking Trubisky, who can't even throw a straight pass. And meanwhile, here's Garoppolo, who's been studying under Brady for four years, who everyone around the team is like, this guy's good.

And everybody blows it. And San Francisco comes in and steals him. Well, how much did the Bears get Glennon? Like, just looking at it that way. It's so's so stupid everyone wants a quarterback these quarterbacks are all terrible he's right there i know he studied under brady for four years he's good do teams give up two first rounders though for uh give up what they give up the 25th pick i'm saying like if you started from scratch right now you couldn't even get i think after what he's seen san francisco could flip him

for two firsts. There's no question. Wow. Did you read the quotes after the game? The Niners were like, oh my God. This guy's special.

Jesus, how did we get this guy? They're all in this league. What are we going to say when Jacksonville sacks him nine times this week? That's who has him, right? Jimmy's good, man. That guy is a real...

A lot of 10 jerseys in this game. That guy's a real quarterback. I can't believe they... I have to say, this makes sense now that you called me. You haven't done this in years, but you left me a message. I did?

Well, you left the ringer Christmas party early. So did Tate the Snake. But I was like, where are you? You're the host. You shouldn't be leaving this. I did leave it on Friday night a little bit early. Yeah, and then I get this message. It was quick, but should I play it for you?

Maybe I shouldn't play it. No, play it. It's fine. Yeah? All right. Here it is. C it is cousin sal sports guy here i just left the ringer party walking home after draining my seventh appletini about to call an uber when lo and behold i get a voice message from san francisco 49 savior my main squeeze jimmy. Want to know what the G stands for? G stands for G.

I wonder if that handsome hunk of machismo will ever lose a professional football game. Stands for G. I wonder if he's going to Jared this Christmas and pick me up that diamond-encrusted personalized tennis bracelet I've been asking for. It stands for G. I wonder if he'll propose and finally make an honest sportsman out of me.

Lots of questions. Hope to have answers soon. I'll keep you posted. Right now, I'm going to vomit in the park bench. Then off to my Jimmy G booty call. Sports guy over and out. Tiago Splitter. That was weird.

That is weird. I don't remember that. I think I blacked out. That's good. That's why I save these things. Well, I was so upset that Jimmy G didn't win me money yesterday. It was the old push. It was a push.

The random Niners by two, and they pushed. And they pushed in the Super Contest. He would have covered for three straight. Yeah, there was three pushes yesterday. What was the third? If you looked at the Super Contest, the Pats were minus three. Dallas was minus three. And then the Niners.

They're good and good at the spread thing. Jimmy's good, man. I think a lot of teams got to be... If I owned a team in the NFC, because it was clear that Pats only wanted to trade them the NFC if possible. You look at some of those teams in the NFC, it's like, where were we? Seriously. Yeah.

But how many games are they going to win? Where's Arizona? Arizona couldn't have given up a second rounder and a third rounder a year from now to get Jimmy G? They were dumb to not draft a quarterback anyway. Really stupid. He's so mad. It's just the guy was good.

Lombardi and I were talking about it all year. People thought we were like homers. It was like, the guy's good at football. Well, there is something. Just to be able to learn from Brady is, honestly, like for, what was it, years like yeah it's invaluable well you also have to research like every however and random things uh we got to pick our captains the captains will not rest the captain will not rest until he's brought his adventurous spirit and delicious from to every corner of america variety the spice of life captain morgan has spiced up life quite a bit

they developed a collection of rum each with its own distinctive flavor and personality. The captain loves anyone who learns to mix like a captain. My captain is Jimmy Garoppolo. No, you're not. No, it's all right. I just raved about him. No, you go first. Who's your captain?

All right. Well, this one's easy for me. My captain of the week is Gene Steratore's index card. Oh, I like it. Or maybe just Gene Steratore. He said he'd already made the decision and then did the thing for drama. That's what he says. Yeah.

But God bless. I mean, had that been a Dean and DeLuca catalog or a Stephen King novel, the Cowboys wouldn't have gotten the first down. The Raiders probably would have won the game. They would have pretended to be still in this playoff picture, even though they're just god-awful Raiders. And it's more exciting for football that the Cowboys are still in with Zeke coming back 8-6.

I agree. They're a dangerous six seed. Yeah, there you go. If you're looking at the six seeds. Well, you don't want the Lions in there. We discussed that. They're the worst good team that we can't win. We might have to go put chicken blood juju, bad juju on them to keep the mat around.

We can't win a bet with them or against them. No, they've cost me more money and heartache this year than any team. Yeah, so if I'm the Rams, would I rather play Dallas in LA or would I rather play Atlanta? I think I'd be more afraid of Dallas because now I have 40,000 Cowboys fans. Now it's like not even a home playoff game. I got Zeke who can run the ball and keep the ball away from me. I think I'd be more afraid of that than dumb Atlanta who tries to shoot itself in the foot every game. Right?

I think so. It's close, though. They're just so inconsistent, Atlanta. The Rams should win either of those. Tate wants to say something. What, Tate? Tate, go ahead. No, I'm just saying that's a tough first-round matchup in general.

Yeah, that's a great— It wouldn't be— The NFC is stacked. Yeah, 3-6. Yeah, 3-6. Yeah, because the good quarterbacks are all 4-5 and 6. And then you have Panther Saints for the third time. Right. Yeah, three-six. Yeah, three-six. Yeah, because the good quarterbacks are all four, five, and six. And then you have Panther Saints for the third time. Right.

Yeah. It's fun. My captain of the week is Blake Bortles, who has put together three really good games. I was looking at him. I'm not buying. I think it's great. I think he's throwing people off the scent of the fact

that we get to bet against Blake Bortles in a playoff game. This is awesome. Please, everyone, America, please thinking that Blake Bortles in a playoff game. This is awesome. Please, everyone, America, please thinking that Blake Bortles has figured it out. Oh, man. They're just playing shady teams. I don't know. Nobody looks at the schedule.

They're playing bad teams. That's why Blake Bortles looks good. He's playing bad teams every week. When we get to the playoffs, he's still Blake Bortles. I hate to say it. I might be on board with Bortles. I love it. Well, all right.

Incredible. Let's flip this on you. Jacksonville, Baltimore, Jacksonville. Blake Bortles. Yeah. Yeah. Just listen, man. You're trying to drop the line down.

It's like playing blackjack. Sometimes the double down against the six, the table's not going right. They're like, ah, should I do it this time? It's like, trust the system, man. Double down against the six. Double down against Blake Bortles in the playoffs. It's fine. Don't get thrown off the scent.

It's not Blake Bortles, that defense that I'm worried about. They win games for you before the second quarter. Great. He's good when you're up 10 in the second quarter, and he can just be Blake Bortles and do play action and very careful throws. And let's see what happens when he's on the road. This is your captain? You're clapping all over him.

No, he's my captain because I think it's fantastic that people are now starting to believe in Blake Bortles as a gambler. I'm really happy we're heading toward this world. So playoff games round one, just throwing these out there. Just assuming everything stays. It looks like Baltimore at Jacksonville, Tennessee at KC. Those are two awful games. So you're saying Buffalo's out of there?

It's a weird thing. I'm crossing out Buffalo. Buffalo's above Baltimore, but Baltimore wins. Buffalo's got two road games left. They're going to lose, right? At Pats, at Miami. They're probably almost out of it when they lose to the Pats. Pats have something to play for.

But you say Tennessee gets there ahead of San Diego, because I could see them losing too. Tennessee. Oh, yeah. Who wins a San Diego-Tennessee tiebreaker? Much less a LA Chargers-Tennessee tiebreaker. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I said San Diego.

You don't think the Chargers will blow this Jets game in Week 16 at the Jets? That's something stupid's happening, right? That feels like a classic. Just win the stupid game. They're just one of those teams. It's like I picked the chiefs and i think that i bet i did i had the chiefs in a tease win them plus eight or something they score they're up charger score a touchdown and the guy misses the extra point it's like oh this is great the

chargers are the chargers dumb shit's gonna happen this is just who they are and that's who they are that's what happens uh nfc looking like rams against falcons or dallas would be my guesses dallas needs a lot to happen you need to beat seattle this week for some reason if detroit wins the next two games they get in over dallas i mean for some reason detroit has it at cincy and then home for green bay it is doable hunley's green bay god we got to stop them oh we should get all the other nfl teams should send their intelligence to whoever's playing the Lions to try to stop them. Well, the Bengals are really stepping it up for Marvin Lewis,

who's, you could say, that's not a win by any means. But we're getting a 4-5, and it's going to be some combination of Rams, New Orleans, Carolina. Two of those three teams are going to be playing each other in round one, and that's going to be the best game. That's fun. That'll be the Saturday night, right? 3-6, New Orleans, Carolina. Two of those three teams are going to be playing each other in round one. That's going to be the best game. That's fun. That'll be the Saturday night. Three six, you mean, right?

Rams will be third. No, I'm saying the four five. Well, it won't be Rams. Yeah, Rams won't be fourth. They might be. What if they drop one? Yeah. Oh, I'm thinking, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I guess so. Two of those three teams are playing in round one, and it's going to be awesome. It's great. That's the Saturday night game, you said? You were saying yesterday with the trifecta when we were watching, you were like, don't tell Tate this, but Cam sucks. I can't wait to bet against him in the playoffs.

That guy doesn't pay attention to detail, and I think it's going to come back to haunt him. I think he's overrated, is what you said. He looks like he'd rather be doing anything else a lot of times. That is not true. He outplayed Aaron Rodgers yesterday. Nobody wants to say it. He outplayed him. He did outplay him. It was great. Aaron Rodgers wasn't good in that game. He also pointed out the defense and said you guys have been watching a lot of tape. I saw that. And then he looked them off and threw a touchdown to McCaffrey on the other side. He's talking a lot. McCaffrey, you don't even like

McCaffrey. He finally stepped up and did something. What, on the outside kick? Not on the outside kick. Everything else. Every single thing else. What's up with Funches? Why does it look like

he has a broken shoulder and they're just hiding it? I don't know. He goes back and forth. Sometimes he looks amazing. Other times he looks lost. Who are you most afraid of? I love Olsen being back.

Olsen was good. He had a couple good ones yesterday. What NFC team are you the most afraid of? The Rams. Olsen was good. He had a couple good ones yesterday. What NFC team are you the most afraid of? The Rams. The Rams? Interesting. That's how I feel.

Your game could be over in four minutes. When we get to December, I always look for fast. It's like the fast teams are the ones that end up that keep going. What is that?

Jimmy G? And fast is what works in January, and the Rams are fast. Now, I think Minnesota is pretty fast, too. Feels like if I had to bet my life, I would bet on Minnesota versus the Rams. But the funny thing is, we might get that in round two. We might not even get that in the NFC title game. Somebody would have to lose. Hey, let's take a break to talk about sheets.

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have to do is use promo code bs 50 plus free shipping it's b-o-l-l and branch.com promo code bs it's a pretty good deal all right we're gonna zoom through the games there's a lot to cover that uh alright that a lot of stuff that just happened since the last time we did a podcast

like the fact that you beat me in fantasy oh yeah Brandon Cooks legitimately we we we fixed that second touchdown score

yeah you beat me by two points Brandon Cooks no grok still couldn't put up like five points Drake and I got a minus one

for my Ravens defense Drake was torturing you. Not getting in the end zone was nothing short of a miracle. You made a good point. I should be rooting for you because Jon Hamm will vote me out. Right. Hamm texted me last night. He's like, congratulations.

Like, I'm not falling for this, you creep. That same thing you did to me. You texted me when you were up like 40 to 70. Man, your bench is going to outscore me. Get the violence. You suck. Saturday, we have two games. No Thursday games.

So long to the Thursday games. No, that was it. Yeah. We went out with a bang with Brock Osweiler against Jacoby Brissett on a Thursday night. It's his coming home game. Saturday, Baltimore, a must win, playing the Colts. Sal, I don't know if you know this, but the Ravens used to be the Colts. This is the Mayflower moving van bowl, right?

Yeah. I like it. Oh, no. The Colts used to be the Ravens. Yeah, one of them. One of them used to be the other. I don't even remember. We did 30 for 30 about this.

I can't even remember. I think this was wishful thinking because I want to put the Ravens in a tease, but I had the Ravens by eight and a half. It is. I was wishful thinking because I want to put the Ravens in a tease, but I had the Ravens by eight and a half. It is. I was wishful thinking myself. I had nine and it's 13. So they don't want, they don't want you to put them in any sort of a tease.

Well, here's why, because the favorites were 13 and oh, if you count the Rams as a pick them and the chiefs as a pick them favorites were 13 and oh, straight up, uh, last week,

13, oh, and two, three. I don't know what it is 9 3 and 1 against the spread yesterday i'm gonna i'm gonna ask these very very high i'm gonna ask our friend dave tooley who is at twitter view from vegas yeah at view from vegas i'm gonna ask him for the numbers for the favorites since that week when the underdogs were like 20 games over 500 after remember that like four or five weeks in sure yeah the underdogs were like 56 and 26 or some crazy thing something like that the favorites have to be 30 games over 500 since that week yeah we should remember that going forward well that's a terrible game i'm gonna try not to watch that one second one also a terrible game minnesota at green bay unless brent hunley brent hunley brent hunley brent hunley unless he's uh playing for a job next year i can't imagine this is going to go

well it might be freezing cold is the only variable that we might have to worry about but i have the vikings by four and a half well there's no line. Because of Rodgers. I said with Rodgers. What do you think it would be with Rodgers? If they were playing for a playoff spot? Minus one. Still can't make that more than minus one or two. Yeah, I would say Vikings by one. Right. Well, those are two bad games.

Yeah. Probably not watching this. On the Christmas Eve. My phone's ringing. Things happened today that weren't great. Yeah, I wonder what's going on. Things happened today that weren't great. I don't want to say anything yet.

I want more information. Sunday marquee. Saints. Home. For the Atlanta Falcons. Now, these teams, they played already. They're playing now,

and they might be playing again. Yeah, 20-17. Was that two weeks ago, two Thursdays ago? I love when the third team between the two games is always a great game. Yeah. There's nothing left. There's no tricks left. They know each other's moves.

It's like the boxer where you just, there's nothing left. It's like, let's do know each other's moves. It's like the boxer where there's nothing left. It's like, let's do it. Let's go toe-to-toe. I have the Saints by four. I'm not 100% sold on the Saints. I said four and a half, and it's six. That's too high. They blew that game a couple weeks ago.

That's too high. You think so? Yeah, I do. I'm not sure the Saints are that good. I think everybody needs to calm down. We even saw yesterday that Jets team was right there. They were lingering and ready for shit to happen. So I was so sick of watching Bryce Petty outplay Breeze.

Yeah, you had the Saints minus 15 and a half. I'm never giving 15 and a half again. That's dumb. Tate, we're watching all these games yesterday, and I'm like, well, the one game we don't have to worry about is Cardinals-Redskins. That's a game that literally has no implications at all. Like six minutes left, Sal starts getting fidgety about Cardinals-Redskins. Like, oh, I wonder what could be going on here.

And we have to put it on one of the TVs. But you say he's really worried about playing Gabbert. Listen, a winner's a winner. Minus four and a half, they won by five. Back in Gabbert. They could have won by a lot more. Yeah. Cards haven't scored a touchdown in like nine quarters, right?

They get down the red zone and just turn it over every time. Bill said it shouldn't even be in the red zone channel, even though both their uniforms have lots of red in them. Well, I think there's fantasy implications, but they have a fantasy channel for that. Oh, that's true. So the red zone should just be games that actually have some sort of whatever and also all browns games because right i gotta say for a team that's gonna go oh and 16 and who has a coach who's i think one one in 29 now i don't

even pay and is and is somehow in line for other jobs he's one in 29 so i wonder if Hugh Jackson's going to get the Bengals job. It's like, the guy's 1-29. So my point is, really entertaining season for them. Yeah. I love it. I love when Kaiser Soso backpedals. Kaiser Soso. A righty quarterback backpedaling to his left and throwing it. You see the red zone quarterback of the year? It only resulted in disaster.

Every time he's going back to the pass on the red zone, it's like, uh-oh, something happened. That's great. He had negative 12 passing yards at the end of the first quarter. Jesus. And yet we're dumb. Why aren't we betting again? Let's just bet against him every week. All right, let's go to the poopfecta, Sal.

We got three this week. All right. The aforementioned Browns playing Mitch. I can't throw a straight pass, and if I'm down 17 in the fourth quarter, we can't run no huddle because I can't throw a straight pass. And if I'm down 17 in the fourth quarter, we can't run no huddle because I don't know any of the plays. Trubisky. I've never seen that before.

They're down 17. They're huddling for 40 seconds. You hated them. You had them in the Super Contest? Had them in Super Contest. Wanted to take one. Nobody else will have this pick game. The Lions suck.

I mean, come on yeah and uh and they couldn't get more than 10 points trubisky mays mays and i were texting and mays is way higher on trubisky and made the points about how they don't have any receivers john fox is of course yeah i mean they're not going on fourth and one and midfield or whatever it was it's all fair points the end of the year i'm not gonna write off, but it does concern me that he can't throw a straight pass to wide open receivers, I think is a problem. And the fact that he can't do anything without a 30-second huddle. Oh, yeah. Seems weird.

It's been the quarterback the whole year. He can't come up with two plays at the line of scrimmage. You're hurting Tate's feelings now. Sorry, Tate. Just wanted a little more. That said, Fox could get fired on the spot if he loses this game, right? Fox should have been fired already. I know, but to the Browns.

What is the point of having John Fox? Well, for this game, I think. Let's see if he can beat the Browns. What did you have for a line? Bears by three. Oh, wow. I said seven. It's six and a half.

I think history will remember me correctly for my guess. Really? Yeah. Why are the Bears better than three points? Because the Browns never, ever, ever cover any spread. And they're on the road? I don't know. Okay. I don't know. Okay. Although I will say... Does it matter where

the Browns play?s play but if you go kaiser sozo against uh against mitch it's it's close you're not you're not gaining should mitch trubisky be favored by a touchdown over anybody anybody it's such it's alien versus predator here it really is if it's third and seven they should just punt that's that was when i watched the entire bears detroit game third and seven or greater and i was like i'm just watching oh wow they have no chance it is weird when you impossible when you bet a team and you're like i want the other team to have the ball more than my team like you feel that with the browns and a little bit with the bears yeah well congratulations to

them redskins home playing the Denver Broncos who are red hot right now they've won two straight Osweiler looked semi-competent on Thursday night and Washington coming off a win both teams surprisingly frisky in the dog days here in December

I don't understand it I have the skins by five I said three only three and a half alright let's never discuss that game again Cards home for the Giants I said three only three and a half alright let's never discuss that game again cards home for the

the Giants and the rejuvenated Eli Manning mm-hmm there's another one we don't need to discuss Gabbard yet again

looking semi-competent yeah I mean but he can't score they don't score yeah semi-competent that's why I said semi I didn't say he was confident

I said he was semi-competent I got cards by three. Where is this game? Oh, this is a late afternoon. I had four and a half. It's five. They're jacking these up.

These are all more than a field goal. Bruce Arians did one of my least favorite things yesterday. What was that when we were watching that game? Six minutes left. Fourth and one. Didn't go for it. Like midfield, the wrench. It's like, what are you doing?

You're not making the playoffs. At this point in the year. Just go for it. What do you care? Try to get guys, maybe Blaine Gabbert will get confidence if you go for it and make it. Look at the clapper getting credit for going for it on fourth and one. But I love that Chris Jones, I love that the punter is like,

yeah, that was my call. Yeah. Screw you. The Clapper, it's second and goal from the one-yard line against a terrible Oakland team. Oh, he went three straight down the middle. The two straight Alfred Morris run. Yeah, he actually did three, but at least one of them

at least got near the goal line. And then it's like, hey, guys, let's do it again. Run it back. No play action. Don't scramble out Dak, who's super athletic. Let's run slow Alfred Morris right into the middle of 20 guys over and over again so we can settle for a field goal and not cover. DeGenerate Harry had an adjusted parlay,

adjusted line parlay over 39. And at 17-17, Clapper takes him down, three straight up the middle, and they kick the field goal. All right, that's bad enough. Now it's 20-17. Clapper takes them down. Yeah. Three straight up the middle, and they kick the field goal. All right, that's bad enough. Now it's 20-17. It should have been over. And then that nonsense at the end. Oh, my God.

With the pile on, you can't win. Yeah. And by the way, David Carr, just go out of bounds. You'll be on the one-yard line. It'll be fine. What are you stretching the ball for? Derek, I think. Yeah.

Derek Carr. Yeah. Derek Carr? Oh, the precious pylon. It's so crazy, that rule. The Brown Zone. These are four games I don't want to watch. Lions at Cincinnati. I have the Lions

by three and a half. You're going to get this. I thought it would only be one and a half, but it's four and a half. So long, Marvin Lewis. What a run. Fifteen great years. No playoff wins at all. The guy's pursuing opportunities elsewhere. He should pursue.

That's the greatest. What he should do is go to college and be a college coach. Yeah. He'd be great. Maybe even longer. He clearly can't succeed as a pro coach. Paula Deen left to pursue opportunities elsewhere. She left the Food Network.

Just needed a change. Chiefs to offense? I hope I'm right on this. I have the Chiefs by their home. They have a little rejuvenation. I would love to see this line stay under nine so we can tease

it. I have the Chiefs by eight and a half. You're going to get it. I went low here. I said six and a half we can tease it. I have the Chiefs by eight and a half. You're going to get it. I went low here. I said six and a half. It's 10. Not going to be able to tease that one. Is this the screw job game? I'd have to look this up, but there's weird Chiefs-Dolphins history

that I think we have to research. DeBerg and Marina. I don't know. Who? One of my first – it was either my first great playoff win or my first terrible playoff win Or my first terrible playoff win But it was whatever that Chiefs to offense playoff game was And somebody won but didn't cover

I think I won on it Who was home, do you remember? I don't remember, it's so long ago, so many bets since then I'll tell you though They averaged just under 30 The last three games Since Andy Reid switched the play calling this is like my friend connor texted me he's a huge chiefs fan a couple weeks ago he's like there's if four plays

go differently we have four more wins and it really is like that like they're in all these stupid games yeah they're not as bad as people probably they don't have as much of a stink on them as i think people think which is why they were a good pick against the Raiders. And I think they were the right pick. Which Kareem Hunter are you getting? Are you getting weeks one through three and the last two weeks? But we said a week ago that line was idiotic. Right.

Yeah, we thought it would go. Why are the Chargers even in Kansas City on a Saturday night in Arrowhead? That's a really hard game. Chiefs are real good apparently against the spread in primetime games. Yeah, it was dumb. Third Brown zone game, Chargers at the Jets. Jets looked a little frisky this week. I have no idea why they weren't frisky the week before against Denver,

but it seems like they're a zigzag frisky team. Chargers playing to save their season. I'm pessimistic. I have the Chargers by six. I said four. It's seven. You get that one. Just win this. Don't let me tease that. Just win it. Don't let me put that in a tease. Don't screw around. Promise me you won't let

me tease that. No, we are teasing it. Don't let me tease that. It'll come down to whatever shit kicker they have this week missing something. Meanwhile, Robbie Gold gets waved's still for everything. Robbie Gold gets waived. And it should have caused like a frenzy.

There should have been 20 teams trying to bid for him. He's one of the only reliable guys we have. Is he Jimmy G's wingman? Do they go out? Jimmy G's married, right? G and G. G and G? Golden Garoppolo.

Yeah, I like it. I have... Good looking fella. I just want... I'm going to bet the Niners to win the NFC next year. So I'll have, so it won't seem like I'm cheating on the Pats as I root for them. Almost as versiferously as I root for the Pats. I want to have a real money interest on it.

Can you imagine Jimmy and Tom Brady? What would you do? That handsome handshake they're going to have before the game would be unbelievable. Panthers home for the Bucs. We know the Bucs are garbage, but tonight we might feel more strongly or less strongly about that because they're playing Atlanta and that game has not been... I have the Panthers by nine. I said nine.

It is nine and a half. I had it exactly. Tate, I might be wrong. Weird Panthers-Bucks history, right? Strange things happen when the Panthers and Bucks play. Yeah, divisional stuff, yeah. Weird stuff. Like, you don't feel great about this game.

I feel good about it. I think the Bucks are done. I think Dirk Cutter's out. They won 17-3. Yeah. Late October. Can you give Tate a raise so he can buy the Panthers? What if it was you, Diddy colin kaepernick oh do it steph curry and that was the ownership and you just announced it and we had lewis k

our pr person released a statement whatever it takes there's heavy rumors i don't have to own it that's too much pressure i'll run errands i'll be a runner for the team wow did you know about them calling jerry richardson mr who the team did you read that article yeah i did the organization called a mr who's the organization just the player everybody panthers that said in that in that crazy story that he'd go in the room and they didn't call him jerry or mr richardson they called him mr mr which is very creepy yeah not to make light of that story but what the fuck it's like so my first days with the panthers oh great come on in hey just so you know when that when

the old creepy guy comes in you gotta call him mister wow well now they're gonna have they're gonna have diddy and no one's gonna know what to call him puff daddy diddy love what's the name now i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Diddy's not going to successfully buy the Panthers. What are my hot takes? I don't think he's worth $1.5 billion. Not quite that much, right? Jay Richardson's like, you can shoot me before I sell the Panthers to a rapper. There's no way that's happening.

If it's Curry, though. He loves Steph Curry. Didn't you have the George Shin thing, too? What? rapper there's no way that's happening if it's curry though you know he loves the george shin thing too what george shin with the that's the reason the hornets left yeah charlotte because they had a owner with a whole bunch of sex stuff and they thought that they were in louisville and then patino blocked it that was that was a new story that came out too i will say who knows with these stories but uh richards Richardson was my least favorite owner. And in the lockout and stuff like that, it just seemed like he was just this old school nasty dude.

You read the comments and the little tidbits. Right. He's 30 years past his prime. Might have been time for him to go. Absolutely. Age 81. Yeah. I'm glad it's going to be a turnover.

Cam deserved better. The whole team deserved better. Cam Lysham. Yeah. I'm glad it's going to be the turnover. Cam deserved better. The whole team deserved better. Cam liked him, though. He was defending. He had the black hat. We could bet on what color cap he had. Brimless.

We were right about the brimless. How much money do you think Steph Curry has? How much money? You think he's making... This year, he's making like $40 million on the court, but probably like another

$20 to $25 off. I think he's got a lot of Under Armour money coming in, yeah. Not to like all the tech tips he probably gets uh-huh and he's got aisha's making a lot of money too so panthers go let's say they go for 1.5 billion and it's only 52 that jerry owns i think that's the misconception everyone thinks he owns the old team it's only 52 so it's only going to be a $1 billion sell for that 52% stake. He's the majority owner, but he only owns 52%.

Interesting. All right. So they would have to do something with the minority owners to be like, whoever buys this team gets a stake. Exactly.

But 52%, if it's $1.5 billion, $7.50, which Diddy probably has a chunk of it. Uh-huh. But if Steph Curry's in for like 50,

isn't the best case scenario here, Steph Curry owning a piece of the Panthers? Isn't that the number one in your heart? Absolutely. Jordan, Curry, Diddy, all in the same city. Wait a minute. Diddy has close to $750 million. He's always top on the Forbes list

when it comes out for hip hop locals every year. I think he's got a lot of money. It says 735. He's 735 so he could put in like for maybe 500 uh get um holy crap get other people to chip in for the 250 yeah exactly jordan can't do it because he owns the hornets i don't think he has any interest you're not allowed to do the nba nfl thing yeah 820 million, Forbes says, for 2017. Good Lord. Curry getting a piece of that would be really fun.

Curry going to the games. Absolutely. And that would also open the door for your dream scenario. Which is him coming home to Charlotte, he just plays for the Hornets

late in life. He's like the old dude at the Y shooting deep threes. It's perfect. Well, what did he say? Kaepernick would be the quarterback?

Yeah, which is which made me skeptical because we already had Kaepernick. Hold on. I'm one of the few good quarterbacks there. We'll psycho Kaepernick. Go buy another team. Go buy the Cardinals.

Let me tell you something. If they want stability with their next owner and somebody who doesn't have maybe a lot of things that people could dig up from the past, I wouldn't go with Diddy. Diddy wouldn't be my choice. We just did 40 seconds of vetting, and Diddy's not our guy. Last break to talk about Uber.

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Uber. The better way to get anywhere you have to be. The watchables. We got four. I think Pat's Bills is a watchable. It's like a borderline playoff game, right? I don't feel like I'm a homer putting that in. I don't know if it's going to be a close game.

I got the Pats by 11.5. Yeah, I went low on this. I said nine and a half. It's 12. Money line parlay. Pats now at the point of the season where if they send Gronk over the middle for any reason and he takes a hit, everybody should be fired, including Bill Belichick five times. Over the middle?

There should be no scenario where Gronk is over the middle, exposed, trying to catch a ball as somebody's about to pop him. Just get him through these next two games. It's my only hope for Week 16. I would also try to protect Deion Lewis because I think he's easily the best running back they have. And this would be a good time to bring out Gillislee. You heard what Romo said. Belichick said he's not worried about the running back

position. It's like, this is the deepest we are. Yeah. That was a little cold. Yeah, he didn't like that. Let's make sure Burkhead had it blown out of his ACL first. Rams at Titans. I will promise you I'm putting this in a tease. This is going in a tease for me.

The Rams I have favored by four and a half. You're going to have to put it in a tease because I said six. It's seven. Interesting. They're not screwing around with these playoff teams. They've been beat up too much, Vegas. Seven's great.

That sounds like I'm throwing them in a tease. Yeah, Mariota, who doesn't seem to want to run anyway, is probably going to have a little trouble back there in the pocket. Letdown factor for the Rams? That's the only thing. Where are they traveling? I think the biggest shocker of that Rams game yesterday was that there wasn't one of the worst fights in the history of sports

in the fourth quarter. Because the Seahawks are just such a nasty, sore loser team. Sorry, it's true. Well, do they do this when they're winning? When they're beating up on the Cardinals? Do they do this when they, well, do they do this when they're winning? When they're like beating up on the Cardinals? Do they do this? I don't see it. But it just seemed like,

it seemed like they're going to spend that second half trying to goad the Rams into some terrible fight. that game was over a long, long time. And they were like challenging spots and golf. Who was in for? Cause the Seahawks were assholes when they won in LA. That's what it was about. And the Rams were passing in the fourth quarter.

They were like the star division. There's a lot of chest thumping. It wouldn't take Russell Hussle and Bustle out until the very end. I don't think any of us thought the Seahawks thing was going to end well. But when you see the guys sniping at each other after, they just had a lot of big personalities that I find it hard to believe they're going to stay together. Jaguars at the Niners.

All right, already. It's almost like something major happened today. Jaguars at the Niners. This is tough for me because these are the two of the better teams to bet on right now. Sure. And they're going head to head. This is so funny.

It's 10 and 4 versus 4 and 10. i know it's a different 4 and 10 they can't do this with football because it defeats the purpose of the season but the entertaining as hell tournament that i always joke about with the nba yeah if they had this for the nfl where it's like you leave one wild card spot open and it's a 16 team playoff to see. They can never do it with football. I think the Niners would be dangerous. Oh, I see. Right?

Yeah. If you're just saying like 11 spots are protected in this 12 spot, we're having a whole tournament and it's like one half. We're like, whatever you did. Jimmy G's Niners. I think the Niners would be in there. They better be careful. They're going to play themselves out of a top 10 pick here.

I don't think they care. I think this is a good example of you feel so good about what happened. They're going to go into this offseason and be like, we're good. What are our next moves? We have something. Cowboys at Seahawks.

Wait, did we say a line? Oh, I had Jaguars by three and a half. I said four and it's five. Who's winning, you or me? Yeah, I have you there. Six, seven, eight to four. Yeah, eight to four. I got your beat.

Cowboys at the Seahawks. This is a weird line. Oh, no. Cowboys home for the Seahawks. My bad. Yeah. I was surprised by how high I put this, considering the clappers involved.

A man who should not be trusted under any circumstances. A man who thinks the other team isn't going to see the Alfred Morris takes five seconds to develop run play through the middle three times in a row, that they're not going to figure out any chicanery. Well, maybe Chris Jones, the punter, could be the play caller for now. Cowboys by six is my prediction.

Yeah, I said five and a half. This can't be right, although I double and triple checked it with other casinos. Two and a half the Cowboys are favored by. Oh, wow. Zeke Elliott is back. Surprised by that one. Seattle gets a lot of respect, man. Zeke Elliott is back. Surprised by that one. Zeke's back. Seattle gets a lot of respect, man.

They have to win. But we see this every year. The team that did it before, and they just keep getting their respect from everybody, and they don't have it anymore. And I do think with football, you can pass the point of no return with injuries. And it seems like they've passed the point of no return.

They lost too many running backs. Seattle lost. Lost too many guys in the defense. Right. And it's just they've passed the point in a return. They lost too many running backs. Seattle lost too many guys in the defense. Right. And it's just too hard for them. Wilson was running for his life that entire game. I can't believe how much he's on the run there. That play when Wilson, he was getting sacked and threw the ball backwards out of bounds

was the worst play of his career. He got annihilated. I don't see. And you guys have a pass rush. David Irving plays. That's the thing. I don't think it's close, but we'll see. Good to have Zeke back.

And what better time as we worry about all this Me Too stuff to have Zeke Elliott back in our lives. Well, it's a good one. He's got to sit out forever because of this? No. It's just great to have him back. All right. Christmas Day.

These games are awful. Yeah, they're not good. How did they screw this up so badly? I could see them thinking that they might be good. I was stunned. I thought it was like a misprint or something. It's like, oh, my God. Well, the good news is we don't have to worry about being distracted by football on Christmas Day.

Right. My NBA wholeness can come right out. I can really embrace the NBA games. My team's Celtics are playing. There's a Christmas gift for the Steelers though. Steelers at the Texans.

TJ Yates. And as Lombardi has been speculating on GM Street for weeks about the Bill O'Brien, Rick Smith, only one person is going to last

and they're probably not going to be O'Brien because Rick Smith just signed a giant extension. People are now writing that're probably not going to be O'Brien because Rick Smith just signed a giant extension. People are now writing that this is probably it for Bill O'Brien. So that's seven coaches, Tate, that are going to go? Mm-hmm. God.

Lombardi said there could be up to nine openings, which is why Hugh Jackson is. I saw he said the other day at four, and then four for sure, two almost definite, and then O'Brien, this would be then like o'brien like this would be that's two divisions worth of coaches hughes and tyson i mean 129 leak stuff to the press and his players get worse i don't know there's a lot to like there you wonder when marvin lewis says he's going to pursue opportunities elsewhere maybe one of these seven or eight teams yeah lombardi even brought up the malarkey with the titans like that could be one that they blow it and don't make the playoffs i mean if they want a good coach they should probably do that yeah malarkey a bunch of malarkey

what is uh what do you have for this deal i have uh i'm hoping this stays under nine because there's a steelers rams tease in our future if it does. I don't think it will. I have Steelers by eight and a half. I said eight and it's ten. There goes that dream. No, don't try to talk me into a three-teamer. I'm not listening to you. I mean, Patriots are a win. Steelers aren't going to lose.

We'll just find a third. The other Christmas Day game is somehow more interesting, I guess, even though the Raiders are awful. But Nick Foles and the Eagles, home, playing the Raiders. I went too high on this, I think. Eagles by 11.

I said 11 also. It's 9.5. Okay. All right, there's your 13th. There's your third. One of those weird underdogs is winning. Santa Claus is not going to be

bringing us three-team teasers. I'm thinking maybe it's a mid-ranger like the Chargers lose or even your Rams. I don't see Tennessee scoring enough to win that. Well, there you go. I don't know. It's tough. Football's getting good. Football's getting getting good though you have to admit football's good so it takes like it takes two months for yeah you know you still have those

moments like davante adam just getting cheap shot and getting knocked out and thomas davis staying in take you didn't feel good about that i like that he was upset visibly upset about it i think he was upset because he thought he was getting thrown out i think he i don't think he no it was after that i mean he would he they would have made the decision but then he was upset upset at someone on the backers right yeah and then he talked to rogers little profile yeah they should probably have somebody watching in new york who's just even if it's 10 minutes later, be like, Davis has to leave the game. Throw him out. That was cheap.

We got to get the kid him out. Parent Corner, before we do Parent Corner this week, America's favorite segment, wanted to mention yesterday our kids hung out together all day. Right. Who have known each other since they were literally like a month old. Your daughter's like three weeks older than my son. They're hanging out. Great time. Afterwards, she's like, like i gotta get archie's number i really miss him there you go a good time a lot of uh it's nice to see the kids that have the the big long history of hanging out yeah and it doesn't get weird even as things like puberty start entering right here the equation uh you want to go first for Parent Corner? I'll go first, yeah.

So my middle son, nine-year-old, is, you know, he's not into anything, really. He watches wrestling on YouTube, but like from the Attitude Era, but if I put Raw on, he's like, nah, I don't want to deal with it, and he's just watching YouTube. But physically, you try to get them, your kids are good, because they focus in

and they know what they want. I didn't realize my kids were good. No. Your daughter's playing soccer. Yeah. Keeps you from watching football for the last 17 years. True. True.

Your son's all over. He likes sports. My nine-year-old doesn't like contact or anything. But anyway, we signed him up for Taekwondo. Good. All right. So he's sort of into it. It's twice a week.

He gets his yellow belt after a couple months. He tests for his purple belt and makes it, like, on the third try. Like, he's not really – like, they put a – he has to break a board, which is the size of the index card, basically, that they used to measure the first down yesterday. So he finally breaks the board. So the purple belt, everybody who tested for their belts, as I look at Prince, I stare at Prince right now talking purple belts,

but you have a, the testing is done on Wednesday. He passed the test. Saturday, you pick up your belt. Yes. It's a big ceremony. You bring a potluck meal and then you pick up your belt and you leave. So we have a million things going on Saturday. It's my younger son's birthday.

Yeah. And I was like, and then Melissa, my wife's talks to the, one of the moms and says, Oh no, this is not something you could just duck in and take the belt. You have to, you have to sit and watch the black belts perform and everything. It's a three hour thing. I was like, Oh, we are not doing this.

I'm telling you right now i have the general trifecta in town yeah we have other things to do i'm gonna watch the black belts perform so i go friday with my son who has his gi on and uh i was like hey uh he'll take a lesson now because there's a friday open session and and can we take his purple belt? And they're like, no, no, you have to wait till tomorrow. I said, oh, well, we're not going to be around tomorrow. We're out of town. And I looked in the corner of my eye, I see like a box with belts and everything. And it's like, it says like Saturday, Saturday outing.

And it's got all this stuff set up. I'm like, it's right there. Why don't I take it? They're like, no, you have to wait. I was like, uh well is he a purple belt or is he not a purple belt like yeah he is a purple belt i'm like well give him his purple belt this is getting stupid now like no uh well let me let me talk to the sensei the main sensei like john crease going on here this is crazy i was like all right well he's here now's here now in dress. So can he get his lesson? He's like, well, he's wearing his yellow belt.

I was like, yeah, well, that's the only belt he has now because you won't give him a belt. He's like, yeah, but he's not a yellow belt, so he can't perform as a yellow belt. I'm like, well, then give him the purple belt, and he'll take the lesson now, and he'll perform as a purple belt. I'm like, no, he can't do that unless you go to the ceremony.

I was like, am I stuck in a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode here? This is the most insane thing. So after 20 minutes of me losing my top, almost getting my ass kicked by this 24-year-old female black belt. She's got the ponytail waving around. They reluctantly

agree to let him practice, do the session as a yellow belt, even though he's not a yellow belt and i have to go next week to pick up the purple belt which one's better yellow or purple i guess is better but this is a joke because just give me the belt i had to pay 250 dollars for the next belt that's what they do they give them more belts to keep them interested until they get to green and brown and then you have to like kind of kick somebody's ass or then it turns into blood sportport with Van Damme.

Right, exactly. But until then, give me the belt that I could see 10 feet away, please, instead of ruining my Saturday. So that was it. Incredible. Yeah. The bottom line is all of these places, people like Parent Corner because a lot of people don't have kids.

Normally their instinct is to be like, I don't want to hear about other people's kids, but this is a window into your future, i think is why people like it but with some of these things it's it's it's a racket it's 250 dollars gymnastics is a racket like my daughter when she was four and she and we knew she was going to be tall like there was no way she was going to gymnastics but she's really strong and they want her to keep doing it. And they're like, we think she could be really special in gymnastics. If she comes 15 hours a week, we think this will happen. And we're like 15 hours a week.

Hmm. I wonder who that's going to profit. Right. My daughter's four. What is she going to be? Mary Lou Retton? She's going to be 5'10". Right.

But with the belts, it's worse because it's like well you know it's like 250 bucks like do you want your son not to get the next belt right no i don't i want him to be done with those video games you have to buy tokens to make to make uh your player better yeah ridiculous my parent corner um do we talk about how my son kind of has a girlfriend? I heard about this. We haven't talked about it on the podcast. My son has this girl. I talked about on the podcast, Kabuiska, how he was on House Party, that app they have, which is kind of like Google Hangout for stupid kids.

You can put that on the poster. It's like Google Hangout for stupid kids, says Bill Simmons. So he's on, and it's him and hisout for stupid kids says bill simmons but uh so he's on and there's it's him and his buddy and these two girls one of whom he's liked for a while and we we he's in fourth grade so it's like who who dates somebody in fourth grade that's ridiculous it's unheard of i've never but uh my son really likes this girl and her birthday was coming up and he was with my mom and comes home and my mom they decided they were going to shop for her birthday and he bought her a necklace that was 25 out of his own money like out of his christmas money

and decided he was going to bring it in on her birthday and give her this bag with the necklace in it, which apparently he did. She opened it. She was totally touched. She put it on. She wore it all day. And then when my wife came to pick up my son, she came over like, Ben got me this for whatever.

And then we had this choir thing on Thursday night, and now her parents are somehow sitting right behind us. Awesome. Which I didn't know, but my wife was talking to them and they seemed okay with it. I don't know if I would have been okay with it if it was like my daughter in the fourth grade and somebody's giving her birthday presents and whatever,

but they thought it was adorable, which was the right reaction. I mean, he's also in the fourth grade. He's not an eighth grader. Yeah, if he was in the 11th grade, it would have been weird. It's cute. So it was all adorable and innocent and she had the necklace on and he gave it

and we're teasing him. And then they're planning on whether they're going to have a date with all the parents coming this weekend and my son's 10. It's just, I don't, I don't know what to make of any of it.

You don't have to pay for the wedding. You're fine. It's just bizarre. The moral of the story is little kids are weird. You never know what's going to float their boat. It's just from house party. This app. You think this.

Yeah. From school. This was born from house. But yeah, school. Yeah. So very strange. But now they could date like with this house party, this app? You think this... Yeah, from school. This was born from house party? From school. Yeah. Very strange. But now they could date with this house party app.

They don't even have to go out. Nobody goes out. Well, he disappears now. So it's definitely a window in the future. Because it'd be like, where's Ben? And then you go upstairs and his door's closed and he's on the phone. But it's... You know, they're 10. So I'll try to overhear the conversations.

And of course, they're the so i'll try to overhear the conversations and of course they're the dumbest conversations you've ever heard it's not like either of them have a lot of life experiences yeah right what are they going to talk about when'd you stop picking your boogers right isn't it funny how we want to listen in on these conversations but if we were that age we would be we'd be so pissed off of our parents like just like leave me alone yeah get out of here i just would have been talking about like hockey fights with my of our parents like just like leave me alone get out of here i just would have been talking about like hockey fights with my friends and on like just watching hockey games and waiting for hockey fight but uh yeah it's it's uh these are weird times you can have somebody in

your life all the time even at age 10 yeah you can basically enact a fake relationship you can't yeah you can't have a purple belt for under 250 dollars i told i told him like look don't you can't date this girl for a long time you just can't just can't you got a couple months in you got to just move on man oh no yeah it's like i'm gonna tie i'm gonna have sal dated somebody for nine years once like you just gotta you can't get tied down. You had Russell, Hustle, and Bustle. You went on to Jimmy G. You're too young.

You're 10. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't get bogged down by this one. Did you really say that? No, I didn't. You should. I'm staying out. Let's hope they're not talking about wrestling,

especially if they talk to your kids. Way to bring that full circle. Yeah, that's it. No shows this week, right? No, no. Jimmy Kimmel Live. We're on reruns. Against All Odds, Wednesday night.

It'll post. And Degenerate Trifecta was undefeated last week. Wow. Heating up. Perfect time. Yeah, they're doing well. And my fantasy team is up 33 points. I have Brayt going against Matt Ryan.

Knocking out Jon Hamm tonight. Oh, that's good. That's good for me because you'd never vote me out. I wouldn't vote you out, but Damoshek won the other game. Beat Hench. Damoshek would vote me out. Damoshek in the finals without David Johnson, who he spent $60 on. Yeah.

That's ridiculous. He deserved something after that Pittsburgh loss. You don't care. That's all we got. Goodbye to Mike Francesa. Oh yeah. Just programming note. Next week we're going to be on Tuesday not Monday because Monday's Christmas obviously but

you're going to call in. I'm not letting you come in next week. No? No. I'll come in. I'll get one of the young ones to produce, and we'll put that up on Tuesday, which will be basically a Week 17 preview. I actually think there will be some games that don't matter. It'll be worth it. I was looking from a gambling perspective,

and it's going to be hard next week. It's usually easy. It's not. I mean, Pittsburgh over Cleveland, but otherwise. All right, cuz. Good job by you. Good job by you. Thanks so much to Hotel Tonight, the app that helps you find amazing hotel deals at the

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That's it for the Monday BS pod. We'll be back later in the week. Until then. I don't have. On the wayside