The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Week 17 With Cousin Sal (Ep. 305)

Episode Date: December 26, 2017

HBO and The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the end of the Cowboys’ playoff hopes after their loss to the Seahawks (2:40), Jimmy Garoppolo’s continuing success as a 49er (5:40), and the gambling implications of the Eagles’ fourth-quarter field goal (11:00). Then they guess Week 17 lines (37:20) and share a very special Christmas edition of Parent Corner (1:06:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network is brought to you by SeatGeek. That's our presenting sponsor for $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase on NBA tickets. Use promo code BSNBA, download the SeatGeek app, or go right to SeatGeek.com. We're also brought to you by State Farm. With over 19,000 State Farm agents nationwide, you can get an agent to get you as well as Chris Paul and James Harden. Get each other. That's the focus of the Ringer's First MBA Relationships Goals video. Find it on theringer.com, our YouTube channel,

or our Facebook, Twitter pages. Remember, like teammates on the court, a relationship with a State Farm agent sets you up for success off the court. Go to statefarm.com to get an agent that gets you. Finally, we are brought to you by One Shining Podcast. Me, Mark Titus, Tate Frazier. Part one of our two-part podcast, trying to figure out the 12 schools that should just be better at

college basketball. And we don't understand why they're not better. We covered a whole bunch of them in part one. Part two is coming later in the week. Subscribe to that now. Don't forget about Cousin Sal's podcast where Cousin Sal's on the line right now. He's calling in. He's not in the studio today. Cousin Sal's podcast, Against All Odds, the highest rated most downloaded podcast of the year, Brad Mulcahy.

That's not true. By far. 20% higher than any other podcast you did. Oh, man. He would have been able to join you and pick the 12 basketball teams I could have done better, too. He probably would have berated the list. I think he would have berated all of our choices.

Anyway, I think that was the best podcast I've been involved with all year. I've had all these celebrities and A-list guests, and the highlight for me of the year was Brad Mulcahy and also the reactions on the internet over the next few days. We should probably just repost that for New Year's Eve or something, just in case anyone missed it. Yeah, throw that back up for Brad. Yeah, that was a great hour and a half,

and then we went to dinner afterwards, and Brad threatened Tate's life. Yeah, it was great. It was just a, what an overall great night. In fairness to Brad, Tate's still alive. That's true. We're going to, we're going to talk about week 17, the weekend that was NFL MVP, the death of the Cowboys season and a whole lot more. But first, Pearl Jam.

All right, the cuz is on the line. Normally, we tape this on a Monday. We are doing this on a Tuesday. It's Southside 48 hours to lick his wounds over the end of the Cowboys season. One of the lessons I learned over the weekend was when you have Zeke Elliott and it's first down and goal from the three, maybe give him the ball once. I don't know. It's one of the things I learned. Yeah, this is what we waited for.

This is what we waited six weeks for, to just pass on that opportunity to give him the ball. You know, Troy Aikman, not the greatest analyst anymore, but he did say, like, you know, back when I played, first and second down, the running back got the ball. Unless you have some dynamic offense at the goal line, the best running back got the ball at the goal line, first and second down from the two. But the Clapper will ruin just about anything.

Any opportunity can. He's coming back. Here he comes. Two more years. I love Earl Thomas singling out the Clapper, finding Jason Garrett after the game and saying, hey, I want you to take me with you next year. It's like, what?

Do you know if this guy's even going to be working? He could be running a car wash next year. What do you mean take me with you next year. It's like, what? Do you know if this guy's even going to be working? He could be running a car wash next year. What do you mean, take you with him? Yeah, that's true. Anything could happen to the clapper. Well, now, right before we taped this, it was announced Bruce Arians is leaving Arizona after the year.

I always thought he was pretty good. But then I saw that wasn't true. We should check that, because then I saw false reports. But who knows? By the time, it could go back and forth three times. I mean, there could be, I think when Barty said seven coaching vacancies, there could be 13 or 14. Well, our heads could be spinning doing this podcast this time next year.

Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, we should have done a seventh coach fired bet would have been a fun one, trying to figure out who the seventh one is. On the flip side of just handing it to your best running back within the three-yard line just to score, Atlanta did that over and over again, and it went horribly wrong. We both had them in a bunch of stuff this weekend. They lost to the Saints in a game that the final score was deceiving,

but that's really the Falcons. They somehow took the mantle from the Chargers as the league's slappiest, dumbest, stupidest, most talented yet shoot themselves in the foot team. We're going to talk about their big matchup this week. They have the marquee game of the week against the Saints. We sure... Well, no, the Falcons played... I mean, the Panthers. The Chargers played the Panthers this week. Yeah, but no, we should have, if we were wise, when Lattimore had that interception, you know,

just laying on his ass for five seconds before he grabbed it. I think the Saints were up 6-0 at the time. Like, oh, why don't we live bet the Saints right now? There's just no way. We never do that. Yeah, that was dumb. But, yeah, I don't know. I joked about this, but can Kyle Shanahan win coach of the year?

Not so much for what he's done with the 49ers, but for how much the Falcons have dropped off their offense, at least. Oh, the combo. I like that. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. He's rebuilt hope in San Francisco and he destroyed the Falcons. I'm so mad at myself.

You know, Lombardi's the president of the Jimmy G bandwagon because I think he was in the draft room when they drafted him. So I think that trumps me. But I'm at least vice president. And I might also be the secretary of state. And every week I've been betting on Jimmy G. And then last week I got a little scared off. And I didn't like the line. I didn't like that everybody was talking about how obvious of a pick they were.

And I stayed away. And then they just ran amok. And Jimmy G is not only the best player in the league, but I think we have to start thinking about him against people like Babe Ruth, Jesse Owens, Jim Thorpe, Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali. He's on that list. He's completely rejuvenated a football team in five weeks that was dead. And the crowds are good.

They have hope. I think they're going to be a top five Super Bowl favorite. We've never seen anything like this. The defense is scoring touchdown. Like every facet of that team is revitalized. It's bizarre to me. It's not bizarre. This is it. Tootlage of Brady.. It's not bizarre. This is it.

Tootledge of Brady. He went to the school. School of Brady. Stole all his tricks. So handsome. It does make sense, I guess. It does make sense. You and Jimmy Jesus sitting in front of the Christmas tree.

Jimmy Jesus. I like that. Drinking eggnog shooters. Jimmy Jesus. Let it ride. Well, people are trying to get Jimmy GQ, and I don't like that. Yeah. I think Jimmy Jesus is better.

How about Jimmy G Spot? Is that too dirty? It's probably a little dirty. I can't remember if he's married or not, but what model could he date that would trump Gisele Bundchen? Oh, man. It's got to be part of his master plan, right? Or does he go to Jennifer Lawrence?

I think he's got to go higher profile. Maybe RuPaul? I don't know. I don't know. This guy's a woman, man. It's got to be part of his master plan, right? Or does he go to Jennifer Lawrence? At least he's got a higher profile. Maybe RuPaul? I don't know. I don't know. This guy's a woman, really. It's not like the Jags played terrible in that game. He had a couple of awesome plays in that game. That one touchdown when he rolled to the left and he did the Dan Marino quick fling, he's

so much fun. It almost makes you think, I know they would never do this, but there should be 11 seeds for the playoffs, and then the 12th seed should just be whoever's playing the best in December. It could be anybody. It doesn't matter what your record is. That's interesting. They would be so much fun to have in the playoffs. It's a shame.

But we'll get them next year. I think you said they'd be the third best team in the AFC. Oh, yeah. I thought they were flat out better than Jacksonville. Again, I didn't think Jacksonville played a bad game. Bortles is bad, but Bortles is bad. I want to say that. I have a couple of controversial takes this week,

and this is going to be the first one. I think the Jaguars, I think we're sleeping on the Jaguars. It was a bad game all around. I hate Bortles. I had the Jaguars given four. But first of all, who's he throwing to? Do you even know their receivers' names, the healthy ones anymore? D.D. Westbrook. D.D. Westbrook and Keelan Cole, like these guys. I don't think it's going to matter when they get to

the playoffs. I think they have two defensive ends of like 26 and a half sacks. Malik Jackson at the deep tackle as eight. Do they definitely go into Pittsburgh in the second round and lose? I don't think so. I don't know if you want to face them. They may not be able to score enough against the Patriots, but Brady doesn't want to face that

defense. I know it took a week off, but that's my controversial pick. I'm positive I want to face the Jaguars. Really? Yeah. Blake Bortles is their quarterback. He's not coming into Fox I'm positive I want to face the Jaguars. Really? Yeah. Yeah, Blake Bortles is their quarterback. He's not coming into Foxborough and beating the Patriots. Come on. All right.

Stop it. All right. They did score 45 against Houston. But I will say this about their defense, because I was looking at this. Defense looked great in week one. They played Houston. That was the Tom Savage week. Mariota torched them. The one quarterback that they played legit well against

was Roethlisberger in week five. Legit well. They destroyed. That was a destruction from the start. Give them that one. They only gave up 17 to the Chargers in week 10. But other than that, they've played QB soup of bad QBs. I mean, they've played 10 bad QBs.

And Wilson put up 24 on them. Jimmy put up 44 on them with some help from the defense. Yeah. I just think there's a lot of bad quarterbacks and for whatever reason, they played a lot of them. Their defense statistically might be great. I know they're the seventh

best team by DVOA, all that stuff, but I also think they just didn't play a lot of good teams. They never played the Patriots. They never played Minnesota. They never played Philly. They never played... Did they play the Rams? They did. They lost to the Rams. And their one

big win was Pittsburgh. I'm just saying, from a gambler's standpoint, I'm not taking... First of all, that first round matchup is probably Jags-Titans again. And I'm not betting against them there. And I'm telling you, if they go to Pittsburgh, I'm not betting against them there either. I just don't trust it.

I don't like the way Fournette's running. I don't think he looks the same. If I had Fournette in peak form, that would be one thing. But we should go through all these playoff things. But before we do, I want to just mention quickly another Miracle gambling cover last night. For some. Eagles, field goal

last minute. The lateral play, which has somehow resulted in a defensive touchdown 100% of the time this year. I don't know why. Every time it's a touchdown for the defense. Eagles score. They go up by nine. The line was either eight and a half or nine for a lot of the week and then moved to 10.

Right. PAT time. They don't kick the PAT. He doesn't even know. Peterson doesn't even know that he's supposed to go out there and kick it. And then says, all right, forget it. I don't want to rub it in. He takes the knee, right?

What is the rubbing it in? Everybody kicks the PAT there. That was unbelievable. Yeah. See, this is. I think that someone didn't do that again with the stupid lateral play. No, didn't the Chiefs... When was that last lateral play?

Terrible lateral play. We've had three of them this year. I'm positive. But I think two of them, they didn't kick the point after. I don't know. Well, here's the case... All I know is, not to get back to me, but I was in the fantasy finals against Damoshek. I basically needed seven points out of Jesse James and Michael effing Crabtree, and I got zero. Zero from both of them.

And I've heard, besides that Eagles play, like, everyone had the Christmas teaser of the Steelers-Eagles, minus three and minus four. That was a miracle teaser win. But I've read dozens of accounts of people losing their fantasy title on that Eagles touchdown at the end. That's just brutal. That's as brutal as it gets. Dozens of accounts you've heard. Yeah. Well, can we talk about...

Two dozen? I don't know. That's dozens, right? Can we talk about the fact that you started Michael Crabtree in the finals? Maybe you didn't deserve to win. That's a decent third receiver. He's going in Philadelphia, though. You could add Ted Ginn. Ted Ginn had 15 points.

I'm looking at your 10. Ted Ginn was a zero the last three weeks. I know. Listen, I'm going to lose sleep over this until September, for sure, until I'm voted out. But, yeah. The worst. And then Damoshek had the Eagles defense on his bench and still beat you by 8 points

and my team would have destroyed both of you I have an announcement to make I'm not even showing up for the draft I'm not giving Damoshek that cad the dignity of voting me out as his little revenge for the fact that the Patriots have kicked the Steelers asses

the entire time I've known him. I'm not even going. Wow. Yeah. Wow. You can go to hell. I'm not going. You don't get the satisfaction of voting me off.

There's going to be an empty seat. You can vote me off. It'll be bittersweet. It's not happening. I'm not going. Oh, my God. I'm out. I have to say.

I'm voting myself out right now. You don't get the dignity, Damoshek. I'm out. Ten teams next year. I'm not one of them. Holy crap. This is very, very bold. I don't believe it for a second, but it's a very, very bold move.

It really is. No, I'm not going. I'm not. This would be the only Steelers win over the Patriots in like 12 years if he got to vote me out. If he voted you out? Yeah. Because they haven't beaten the Patriots.

I would say you're not even in the top three of his consideration. Well, now I am cause I'm not going oh for sure now you are I'm not getting any dignity wow he can go to hell

and that's it I'm not that's it so you're out for next year I'm not going I don't want to hear his little Pittsburgh accent

voting me off no way what if he voted Brad out it would be the funniest thing and then you won't be there for it he'll get it'll be the highest profile. He'll get to say on Twitter, I voted off Simmons.

He never voted off. Finally, a win for the Steelers. No, I'm voting myself off. You don't get the satisfaction, damn it, Shaq. Good for you, pal. Good for you. Yeah, that's it. Well, I'll find another fantasy league for next year.

Oh, and they'll vote you out too. They'll want to keep you around. Quick break to talk about Audible. Audible offers an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more from the leading audiobook publishers, broadcasters, entertainers, magazines, newspaper publishers, and business information providers.

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Do people still have house phones? You still have a house phone, right? I'm calling from right now from a house phone. I'm still pro-landline, but we're old. I think the power's going to go out, and I worry about stuff like that. But this thing is plugged into the wall, so I don't know what I'm talking about

really. You know who loves Audible? The Simmons family. My wife and dad use it when they drive to school sometimes. Right now, Audible is offering my listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Go to audible.com slash BS. Browse the unmatched selection of audio programs. Download a title free.

Start listening. It's that easy. Go to audible.com slash BS or text BS to 500-500 to get started today. Do you do the audibles in the Sal House or no? No, we don't have it yet. I would get it. I really recommend it for the kids on the drives. You don't really have to drive anywhere

because your school's right near your house. The school's close, but yeah, we take a lot of road trips. Maybe when Brad Mulcahy's book comes out on Audible, maybe you could get it there. That's true. Oh, that'd be great. So you blew the Fantasy League and now I'm voting myself out. And now we don't get to play fantasy football next year. And what are

the listeners going to do? They want to have to hear us talk about their teams. It's ridiculous. You're playing choked. I don't, even with this crazy proclamation, I put it at a three to one odds that you're, you're not going to be in next year. I'm out. Speaking about, for the 45th straight Christmas, I lost a Christmas parlay on the first game. I was very excited about that. We had the Sixers. Oh, the basketball. Yeah, we had the Sixers against the Knicks.

We took the Knicks. Did not realize Joel Embiid was playing. That was great. Double down. That just sucks. Is that how it's going to be all year? He's going to not. Ten minutes before the game, you're not going to know if he plays.

Don't bet on the Sixers or against the Sixers. Next game, Cavs-Warriors. Even game in the last minute. Somehow the Warriors won by seven, so that bet was done. Before you read by that, they're down five. I know the spread was five or four and a half,

but they're down five. They foul with eight seconds left to Cavs, and then dribble the clock out after the free throw. Like, why are you going to foul if you're not going to try to score afterwards? I hate that. Yeah. I didn't like it either.

Speaking of the NBA, Kevin O'Connor and I are doing the Ringer NBA show. I should have mentioned that. Nice. That's going to be, we're taping right after we tape with you we're going to break down Christmas some trades all star all that stuff so anyway the moral of the story is don't bet on

don't bet on basketball I think especially on Christmas who knows who knows who wants to play who doesn't want to play all that stuff so playoff picture I'm going to rip through these really quick. Pats clinch one with a Pitt loss. Or a win.

Pats win, they get number one. Or if Pitt loses, they get number one. Pittsburgh clinched a bye. And they get a one if the Pats blow this Jets game, which I don't think they will. So, basically, we're looking at Pats, Steelers as the bye teams. Jacksonville locked in at number three. and KC locked into number four. That's boring.

Yep. Baltimore gets the five seed if they win. They still clinch a wild card, even if they lose, if the Bills lose or the Titans lose. Tennessee gets into the playoffs somehow, even though they suck. All they have to do, either they win or they could also get in if the Chargers and Bills both lose

and they're all in a three-way eight-and-eight tie. At that point, they should just call in the Niners. Just bring the Niners in for that. If that happens, none of those teams should make the playoffs. Buffalo... I don't think it's going to happen because the Titans are playing the Jaguars, who are probably going to sit everybody. So Buffalo gets in if they win,

and they need one loss from either Tennessee, the Chargers, or Baltimore. They need the Ravens to win, I think. I think they need the Ravens to win. No, that's the Chargers. The Chargers win if Tennessee loses and the Ravens to win, I think. I think they need the Ravens to win. No, that's the Chargers. The Chargers win if Tennessee loses and the Ravens win. That's how the Chargers get in. Oh, the Chargers. But I think Buffalo needs to get in.

The Ravens need to win so they don't get locked in a tie, and those other two teams need to win. I'm already confused. I know. It's a mess. The reality is the Chargers are probably not getting in. And we're going to get stuck with either Tennessee or Buffalo in the playoffs. I think Buffalo stinks.

Buffalo's had, I think, five double-digit losses in the past eight weeks. And two of the games, they just got slaughtered. The Pats played them twice in three weeks and each time beat them by, I think, 20 plus. Do you think that's a slaughter, though, that was close at halftime that the win was taken out of their sales with the replay and everything? Sure. They got beat up in the second half

for sure. We had 37 points. It was a slaughter. 37 points is a lot of points. I just think, like, once the replay, you know, the Kelvin Benjamin thing, it's like, oh, I get it. We're not allowed to win this game. So, all right, let's not get hurt.

You mean the play that was interpreted correctly? Yeah. All right, so that's my other. I make light of it, but that's my other controversial stance. I don't know if it was interpreted correctly, because if it's clear and convincing, but I hate the clear and convincing thing. I think it should be whatever we see on the replay.

That's what it is. It seemed like a catch. If it's 53-47, that it's not a catch, that it didn't drag his foot, I don't like the, well, it's not enough to overturn the original bad call. I think that's how it should be. Whatever we see on the replay, that's how it should be. So, there you go. It's just unfair that the Patriots seem to benefit every single time as if they need

this help. It's like Jude Law getting a free Invisalign kit. Like, alright, we know he's going to get the girl anyway. He doesn't need this stuff. Patriots are the best. Who cares? I love instant replay. It's worked out for the Patriots benefit over and over again. I think it's great. It's been one of the

five best assets we've had during the Belichick-Brady era. Instant replay. It's been incredible. I've loved every second of it. It's much worse for the NBA. In the NBA, it's run amok, and even worse, you have Van Gundy, who's become and I really like Van Gundy

as a human being, and I think he's smart. He's become one of the most insufferable TV people now all he does is bitch about the officials in the replay every game yesterday he lost his mind it's like you do this every game the replay's not going to change the officiating's always going to be bad

let's talk about the game that Warriors-Cavs game was incredible yesterday it was really fascinating and Durant went toe-to-toe with LeBron there were all these other subplots to it. He spent the whole game bitching about the officials. Mark Jackson said nothing and Breen doesn't know what to do.

That team needs an intervention. People don't want to hear that. Just stop. We don't want to hear you bitch about the replay every fucking game. I know, but what if LeBron benefited like the Patriots in that 15th season? I think maybe he should. Some of those calls down the stretch. He should get more calls than he does.

Well, sometimes he gets too many calls. And then other games, like yesterday, he gets refereed like he's Shaq or Wilt, where it's like you have to hit him with a two-by-four to get a foul. Yeah. Well, the problem with the NBA replay, it's almost always the same play they're replaying. It's two guys going for a ball out of bounds. The one guy does hit it out of bounds, but he was clearly fouled. So what do you do there? You know, and it's just bad, but you have to live with it, I think.

They need to get rid of it should just be replay for whether your foot was on the line for a three, whether your foot was out of bounds in the last two minutes, and whether a shot should have counted. They need to strip it down. It's just not fun. It's bad for the game.

I think it emasculates the referees. Now they're always afraid to make calls. We've seen it in the NFL. There used to be too many timeouts in the last minute. It ruins games. Now it's too many timeouts and all these replay calls in the last minute. Human error should be part of it. If the ref called it out on LeBron,

but it actually tipped Durant's finger down, then screw it. He made the call. Move on. For the NFC, Philly clinched number one. If you're a Philly fan, you just can't feel worse about your team going into the playoffs because Nick Foles was atrocious. He was flat out atrocious.

And their receivers were worse. I mean, even when he had a pass on the mark, they would drop it. That team's in trouble. I'm not sure about Doug Peterson. I think Lombardi might be vindicated by the end of this. Minnesota, number two right now,

with a win or a Carolina loss, or if the Rams or Saints win, weirdly. Yeah, they can't end up with a tie with just Carolina. Right. That's the only way they lose the two. Or all they have to do is win. They don't have to worry about it.

Right. The Rams are pretty much locked into number three with a win. They clinched number three with a win, but they're playing Jimmy Jesus. Right. The Saints, so the worst they could go is go to four. The Saints clinched number three if they win and the Rams lose. The wonk team is Carolina. Carolina can be anywhere from two, three, four, five.

There's so many possibilities, I'm not even going to list them, but they could win the NFC South if they win and the Saints lose. Most likely a four seed if the Panthers win. Most likely a four seed. There's a scenario where they could climb to two. Atlanta

gets in if they win or Seattle loses. And then Seattle gets the six seed if they win and Atlanta loses. The Dallas Cowboys cannot get in no matter what happens. and then Seattle gets to succeed if they win and Atlanta loses. And Atlanta loses. The Dallas Cowboys cannot get in no matter what happens. Right, right, right. But Jason Garrett's clapping.

He's clapping. Listen, he's clapping because Seattle won with more penalty yards than offensive yards. Stats like that should just be like, he should walk into Jerry Jones' office and like, hey, I pulled up this stat and, uh, you're fired, dude.

They had more penalty yards and offensive yards. You can't, you can't come back next year. Yeah. All you have to do is just hand off three times and punt and you probably would have won the game. Yeah. You just punt it every,

every time. I know. Oh, let's get off the Cowboys. Cause it's depressing, but the Rams, the Rams, man,

what would you do if you're the Rams? Do you get the four seed? Now the Eagles, now going to Philly for that second round isn't such a chore, I think. Oh, I like how you're thinking. Do you tank the three, get the four, and hope that the six doesn't upset the three in the first round? See, I would be scared of that, though. I would be scared of the six beating the

three. Because then it would just be Atlanta-Carolina again or Atlanta-New Orleans again and then just yeah, maybe. But then so what? Then you would have just ended up being where you were anyway, right? I don't want to give away because Atlanta-Carolina is our marquee game to break down at the end of this podcast.

Do you trust Atlanta to win that game? Because I don't. All Atlanta has done all year is just completely shoot themselves in the foot and be assholes to anyone who bet on them. Right. So, really, I won a few times. Well, I know. That's why I think this is a good risk for the Rams to lose to Jimmy Jesus and just go to Philly in two weeks.

So, let's say they do that. I think the Saints are going to win in Tampa. So the Rams flip spots with them. The Saints are three. Seattle at the Saints or Atlanta at the Saints. The Rams will get Carolina at home. You're saying the Rams would rather do that? If I'm the Rams, I'd will get Carolina at home. You're saying the Rams would rather do that? If I'm the Rams, I'd rather

play the six seed. I'm looking for the second round. I don't know. I think the Rams win that first round game. They're going to have to play at Minnesota anyway. I'd rather play the six seed. Yeah, wouldn't you rather go to Philly? Wouldn't you rather go to 4-1

than the 3-2? It's a lot of speculation. It's a lot of speculation. It really is. You know I love conspiracy, like a team tanking a game is one of my favorite things. Yeah, I know. It happens game six in the NBA, and this is just a playoff team tanking is unheard of in the NFL. Hey, Sal, the captain will not rest until he has brought his adventurous spirit

and delicious rum to every corner of America. Variety is the spice of life. That's why Captain Morgan has spiced up life quite a bit. They developed a collection of rum, each with its own distinctive flavor and personality. Original spice, coconut, pineapple, white, black grapefruit, whatever you want. The captain loves anyone who learns to mix like a captain.

Every week, Sal and I pick captains of the week. I'm going to go first. My captain loves anyone who learns to mix like a captain. Every week Sal and I pick captains of the week. I'm going to go first. My captain is Todd Gurley. The best player I saw this season. Somebody that we should have been on for MVP last week when he was 5-1. I don't think Tom Brady

should win the MVP. I've watched the Patriots all year. I don't think it's been one of the great Brady seasons. I think he's been good. I think if Garoppolo had played in his spot all season, they probably would have had the same record because he's Jimmy Jesus.

No, but seriously, I just think Gurley's been... The distance between Gurley and the second-best running back in the league, and also what he means to the team in some of these games where he's just completely destroyed teams, I just think he's been the best player. I think he has a chance to, he has 19 touchdowns right now. He's a chance to get to, I don't know, 21, something like that. No other running back has 13 touchdowns. Hopkins has 13 touchdowns.

Gurley has 19. What Gurley did for the fantasy teams that owned him the last couple weeks, Roger Sherman wrote for the Ringer yesterday that he had the best week 14, 15, 16, three-week stretch in fantasy football history, which seems incredible, but apparently it's true. Did you read that? You couldn't beat him. Yeah, you couldn't beat him.

I played him in one league in the semifinals, and he put up 42, I think. Yeah. It was phenomenal. And, you know, you look at- This is a bold call by you, though. Not going with Brady, who didn't have Edelman all year, and, you know, offensive line struggled, and had no defense for the first five weeks. Yeah, but when you look at Brady's at almost 4,400 yards, 30 TDs, eight picks, 104 rating.

Who the hell knows what these QB ratings? Sacked 33 times. I'm just saying from the eye test, he's been very good. I wouldn't say it was the best Brady season. If you want to give it to him for a career achievement, I would think about it. His stats really aren't that much different than, you know, he's got less interceptions than Roethlisberger.

They have about the same yards to these. Rivers and Stafford are really close to him. It's not like he's, you know, lapping the field at quarterback. And I don't know, he's got Gronk. He's got by far the best tight end in the league. The cold weather thing, I think, matters. He's got Gronk. He has by far the best tight end in the league. The cold weather thing, I think, matters. He's been good in big games. I wouldn't be, if he won it, I wouldn't be like, wow, that's embarrassing.

He never should have won it. I just think Gurley's been the best player. What do you think? All right. Let the record show, December 26th. It's all been fun and games with this Jimmy G stuff, but you have officially moved on from Brady to Jimmy G now with this proclamation.

Listen, I can't win. There's an odds-on favorite to win MVP. Your hero should not be the MVP. December 26, 2017. I can't win either way, because if I say Brady's the MVP, I'm a homer. And if I don't, then I'm a heathen. I think the Alex Guerrero stuff's been a little weird. Todd Gurley doesn't have weird stuff where his personal coach is sitting in the locker room.

He might have a Chavo Guerrero. Yeah, I don't know. I just think week nine, he would have laughed if anyone said Gurley was MVP. I don't know. It's just a steady thing throughout the year. And then I guess if you add up the numbers the last three weeks, that's the way to do it. That's the way you do it.

So that's fine. That's good. All right. Here's my caveat. I think week 17, I think it's pretty much dead even, and week 17 is going to help it. Like if the Rams lose to the Niners this week and they're trying and they play badly and he gets shut down then Brady wins the MVP if Gurley has another

150 yards and two touchdowns and ends up at like 2200 yards combined receiving and rushing I think he's pretty close to 2000 combined yards now which is crazy and he's over 22 and for what he means to that team and I don't know

how he doesn't win but Everyone's so afraid of better running back. I also thought Brown was in the mix until he got hurt. I think it would have been a three-man race if Brown didn't go down. Yeah, it could have been. Well, I think that's why Gurley needs to announce early on, Tuesday, Wednesday, we're tanking for

the fourth seed, so don't let these stats work against me. We can't find MVP odds anymore, though. No, I know. They should be out by Tuesday. That's stupid. But I checked all the major sites.

I didn't see them. Just Brady was minus 550 last week, and then Gurley was second. But other than that, nothing else. I hate when odds aren't available. What do these sites

have to do all day? Some dude in the Caribbean. Just put some odds up. Who's your captain this week? This week, with the holidays, you're around old people, and I think you learn to appreciate them more.

In some cases, you want to strangle them more. In this case, I'm going to honor the senior guard in the NFL. It's a three-headed captain of the week. Frank Gore, Larry Fitzgerald, Antonio Gates, none of these guys have any business being in football anymore. Frank Gore, 10 years of 1,000 yards rushing, put up a touchdown, made that Colts-Ravens game close, had no business being close.

He's phenomenal. I think he's 139 yards away from 10,000-yard rushing season. Larry Fitzgerald, nine catches, 119 yards, three straight years, 1,000 yards, 100 catches. He's phenomenal. Great guy in general, I think, from all accounts. Antonio Gates scored a touchdown. Yeah. He is 114 receiving touchdowns it's good to see with that that's the kind of guy I want in the playoffs

Antonio Gates NFL record for tight ends and that's it that's my three headed captain of the week Frank Gore, Larry Fitzgerald, Antonio Gates and I didn't even mention James Harrison who was cut who could still do some damage I think in the NFL you should have mentioned Tom Brady who's older than everybody you just mentioned

except James Harrison yeah yeah yeah. Well, you had such a glowing tribute to him before. I didn't want to pile on. No, this is classic. Now you're going to turn this around on me. We should also mention the Rams kicker who single-handedly cost everybody who picked the Rams. I didn't bet on them.

I was afraid that line seemed too high. That Rams kicker, his first PAT was just a line drive duck. It wasn't even close. And then his field goal after that was also a duck. And all of a sudden, it was in play that the Rams kicker was going to completely destroy this game. And then he settled down. He made one or two. I want to know.

I'm seeing David Chan this week. I want him to get this going on Twitter. Young Waiku, who's on this podcast, who kicked for the Chargers, who made the game tire on Monday night, but it was an ice in the kicker. They made him re-kick it. It got

blocked. Week two, he missed one kick. He made a bunch of other ones. He might have missed three kicks total and they waived him and he's never been seen again yeah he's like the fourth best kicker just by virtue of what's going on

all these other kickers that are getting chances and Young Wae Koo is just never seen again wins the Chargers job in training camp and has a couple bad luck kicks and is just gone and I don't know. Bring the dude back, man. Let's go.

We're in a weird spot where having a good backup kicker is potentially, in a lot of cases, more important than having a good backup quarterback. In fantasy or fantasy football in real life? I think in real life, there's going to be one of these guys that's going to miss a bad field goal. Even Elliott on the Eagles missed one. Like you said, the Rams aren't going to be the same without Zerline. These guys can't kick, and it's only going to get colder.

Weird temperature and weather. Alright. We're going to rip through the games. Alright, let's do it. I'm going to mention, though, for every game, quickly, the teams over-under for wins and how they did. We'll go through fast. Do you have the records against the spread, too?

I don't have that with me. I should have grabbed that. Maybe we could do that next week, I guess. Yeah, let's do that next week. I think the Browns are, what, like 3-12, something like that? Yeah, I don't think they've had more than three wins. They might have pushed one also. One of my favorite traditions is in August when you tell me

that we should bet against the Browns every week and we agree that we should and then we never do it. Right. Stupid. Not even close. The bear, what was that? 20 to three that ended up like, what are we even kidding around? Did you see that stat? Uh, the Browns have had nine red zone turnovers this year and nobody else has had more than three. Wow. And, uh, I think it was Barnwell said, since they've been tracking, it's the record. I don't even, I think Kaiser Soso might be too nice of a nickname. It is. It's very generous.

It really is. Because Insignia said he's Soso. They cut to the red zone. Someone should ask him about it. Someone should ask him about it. Say, hey, is this a good depiction of your play this year, Kaiser So-So, or do you take offense? They cut to the red zone when Kaiser So-So's involved,

and every time it's like minus 200, it was bad for the Browns, and minus 150, that it was a positive play. You just, you're always leaning toward, oh God, something bad happened. Alright, we have five games.

First of all, kudos to the NFL for throwing all these games in the afternoon and getting rid of the Sunday night game that nobody would watch. Nine late afternoon games, seven early games. I know. It's pretty good. There's five games that have no stakes whatsoever. So let's just blow through these. And we should mention

week 17, the lines are always crazy. Sal and I are always way off. This is the one week when all hell breaks loose. And they're going to jump around. By the time this podcast posts to Sunday, there's going to be like five point difference in some of these. First one, Detroit home. Thank God we got Detroit out of the playoffs. I actually picked the Bengals in the Super Contest. I was proud of myself. I kept staring the Lions in the eye and they kept screwing me. And then finally,

finally I took them down. Lions home, Brett Hundley in the Packers. I have the lions by five and Jim Caldwell's farewell game for the Detroit. I'm glad you said Brent Hundley. Probably the last time you'll mention his name this year. So I'll just keep it like that.

But I said seven and it is that. But I said seven, and it is seven. And like you said, double-edged sword here, though, I think. We don't have to watch the Lions in the playoffs, but that would have been nice to bet against them. Yeah, they... Man, what are they, eight and seven? Eight and seven.

Their over-under was seven and a half, so they hit the over somehow. Packers was ten and a half. Obviously, Rodgers out. They're over under was seven. They're over under was seven and a half. So they hit the over somehow. Packers was 10 and a half. Obviously Rogers out. Uh, they went way under. So that's, that's game one.

Second one Colts home for the Texans. I have no idea who the Texas quarterback is. I think, I think, uh, everyone on that team now has a, has some sort of a injury who plays quarterback Colts. I have favored by two and a half.

I said three. It's up to four. Yeah, it's weird with this game. What were the odds that both of these teams would have not even close to a playoff implication in week 17? Texans have four wins. Their over-under was eight and a half way on their Colts. Over-under was eight.

They have three wins. Really weird. Another thing with this game, next year you'll have two different starting quarterbacks and two different coaches because I don't think either coach comes back, Colts, Texans. I think both of those guys are gone. No, I think you're right. I think here's another thing to think about. I know some teams are going to fall off, some current playoff teams,

but we could have a lot of teams that are better and contending for a playoff spot. Like you said, both these teams, the giants, you and Francesca mentioned that they could, they could compete next year. Obviously the 49ers, maybe even the Cardinals with David Johnson and a different quarterback.

So it's going to be good. Hey, I have a little holiday surprise for you. Yeah. Andrew Lux on the line. He wants to talk to you about the season. Oh, let's hear it from rehabbing quarterback Colts

Andrew the Giant Luck. Andrew, how are you feeling? Obviously, not a great year. Not a great year for me. Health-wise, shoulder feels good. I'm just frustrated. I just want to get out there and play football again.

And I'm looking forward to 2018. I love it. You know, as we listen to Andrew, by the way, thanks for the comments. And we also look forward to your return, Andrew. But now, honestly, though, as I heard that, I think there was a big swing and miss that you didn't narrate the Andre, the giant documentary and Andrew, Andrew,

the giant Lux voice. It's just dubbed the Andrew. Can you redo it? Go talk to the people on HBO. You watched, you watched the Andre, the giant documentary, the degenerate trifecta. Loved it.

Loved it. Loved it. It's going to be good. People are going to be, this is one of the best ones I've been involved with. I'm excited. It's so good. The music choices are great. It's just, I don't know.

I don't know. You get a weird feeling that Andre's still alive and in our lives while you're watching it. You think it's like a Tupac thing? Yeah, a little bit. That could have been an alternate ending. Yeah. Well, there's still time. Three more no stakes whatsoever games. The

Deadskins are at the Giants. This is another game where we have no idea there might be two new quarterbacks and two new head coaches when those teams play again next year. I have the Deadskins favored by three in Giants data. I had

three and a half and it is three and a half. So I get that win. The Redskins, where are they? Both these teams went under, right? Yeah. Most likely to come back. Oh no, Redskins are seven and eight. Redskins were seven and a half. They could go over. Giants, one of the biggest underachievers over under was 9. Obviously, they have two wins.

Most likely to come back out of the two quarterbacks and two coaches on that team. Who would you pick on those two teams? I guess Cousins, right? I think I would pick Eli. I think Eli comes back. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He might even play Week 17.

Eagles home for the Cowboys in a game that means nothing and is just... We always struggle with these. You could argue that the Eagles are just going to arrest absolutely everybody and the Cowboys are going to roll

and sometimes the line will reflect this. I don't know what to do. I just have the Eagles by three. I'm probably wrong. I made it a pick them and Dallas is favored by two. Oh man, every year I get screwed that up. Well, it's a dumb thing. Eagles obviously went over eight and a half. They were the biggest overachiever or can be, I think.

Cowboys under nine and a half. They're eight and seven. But this, Bill, this is a Christmas gift. The Cowboys might not even get off the bus. That's what Fred says. Those freaking Raiders got off the bus. What the hell was that? Oh, my God. I think Foles sucked the life out of everybody in the stadium by the second quarter.

That was the only reason. The Raiders were dying to roll over. It was 7-0. They were ready to do their thing. I mean, you're thinking like the Raiders, like Foles. Okay, you have to run the whole fourth quarter. You have to hand off here, Foles. Maybe, maybe a screen pass on third and eight.

But if you have any chance of winning this game, it's either going to be the defense or J.J. breaks something. The Raiders knew it, too. They had eight guys on the line and they were still handing off. Now, if the Cowboys had won that stupid game on Sunday,

it would have been a gift because then you would have gone to Philly to play an Eagles team that could have given a shit and you probably would have made the playoffs. Yeah, I know, Bill. I know all about it. Eagles had 37 yards in the second half. A game that was tied at halftime. They had 37 yards in the second half

and won what should have been by double digits, I guess. Last one with no stakes. Denver, home for the Chiefs. The Chiefs locked into the four seed no matter what happens. I have the Broncos by three. You get this. I said two. It is three and

a half. And the Broncos were they're over on there was eight. They're five and ten. Chiefs over on there was nine. They're nine and six. They have a chance to get over. My favorite thing I saw all week was Brock Osweiler's speech to the sidelines and no one was paying attention. I watched that ten times. They

were treating him like he's just some drunk fan from the other team behind them screaming. They might have thought that. Yeah. Three games with, I'm going to call them ho-hum stakes. Some stakes. Not a lot of stakes. The Vikings, home for the Bears. We covered what the Vikings basically clinch a two-seed if they win.

The Bears can look okay against bad teams. This is not a great matchup for them. Feeding them to the Vikings defense in Minnesota is not going to go well. I have the Vikings favored by 12, and I'm hoping it stays under 13, because I want to 10-point tease them. What do you have? I had also 12. I had 12 as well.

It was 13. It's 12 and a half now. Now's a good time to jump on it. Bears over under was 5 and a half. They have a chance to go over. Maybe that's inspiring. Vikings hit the over easily. They were 8 and a half.

They have 12 wins. But the thing about this is this is one of the early games. This is one of the few early games that kind of matters. It's not a late afternoon game. I guess the Panthers will still play hard, but these other teams, the Vikings will have the two seed by the time those games start.

The Bears have a chance to win the most games ever by a team with a dead coach. Is that right? Yeah. Did Peter King say that? It hasn't been reported widely, but John Fox died two years ago.

Why did they ever hire him? I don't understand that. Especially because he's dead. Why would they hire a dead guy? That's so strange. Yeah, you got to be a little more selective if you're going to do that. Second, you got to be a little more selective. Second ho-hum game, Pats home for the Jets. I had Pats by 14, probably too low. I said 14 and a half. It's 16.

Yeah, damn it. It's all right. You had an off year. Patriots, though, going to top their season wins total, they have 12. It was 12 and a half. It's always 12 and a half with them, right? Jets were three and a half. That was easy.

They went over. They have five already. And it always comes down to one stupid game that they either lost or won. It's always by a half game, the over-under. And this year, it was the Steelers game that they probably shouldn't have won. They lose that. Yeah, but they could have won the Chiefs game that they probably shouldn't have won. They lose that.

Yeah, but they could have won the Chiefs game. That was some interesting one. Here's my goal for Pat's Jets. Get Gronk off the field the moment we know we're going to win the game. Can we just get him to round two healthy? I can't believe we made it 16 weeks with a healthy Gronk. I'm so excited. I was so worried during that Bills game that they were going to cheap shot him or something.

Yeah, well, that's the thing with these. Pats and Steelers both play early games, 1 p.m. Eastern. They're going to be scoreboard watching, right? Like, when do the Steelers sit there? Start it against the Browns. Yeah, I mean, those are reasons. I feel like the Pats have been in this situation 100 times in the past 15 years, week 16 and week 17, and it always seems like they end up covering.

So I have no evidence whatsoever. Oh, they just looked at the instant replay from a touchdown from that game. The Patriots won. The Patriots just beat the Jets. Come on. No, that's how we're going to do it for now. It's not our fault that, for whatever reason, the rules are always interpreted correctly in our favor.

It is bizarre. Oh, God. Steelers home for the Browns. And this could be Kaiser Soso's farewell. The next time we see him, it might be the CFL. Interesting. All right, this will be fun. I have the Steelers by 13 and a half.

Wow, you were very close. I said 19, because why the hell not? Why should this team get anything less than three touchdowns or close on the road for a team that needs to win? But like you said, there will be scoreboard watching. 14 is the line right now. There's cheap garbage time touchdown potential. Yeah, it just never happens with the Browns.

They're not even close to hitting their second biggest underachiever. Four and a half was their season total over-under. They have zero. Pittsburgh was ten and a half. They went over. Let's take a break to talk about Uber. Christmas Eve. Nice dinner. My wife, my kids,

my wife's parents my mom went to went to a restaurant in Beverly Hills took the nice Uber SUV both ways

Christmas Eve yeah great experience as always Uber a safe and comfortable way to get where you need to be for sporting events

you won't have to pay for parking or spend time looking for a spot grab a ride to your company's holiday party that already happened your company's holiday party that already happened. Your company's New Year's party? Whatever. Whatever your next party is. Or a night out with friends or family.

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New riders get $5 off their first three rides by using the code BillSimmons. That's my name. Offer expires February 18, 2018. Uber. The better way to get anywhere you have to be. We should mention, Sal, no Tate Frazier this week. Tate the Snake is

on vacation in Charlotte for spending time with the holidays. Isaac is producing this week. Isaac, what's it like to finally work with a pro? Must be great, right? Just rolling through the ads, no breaks, no restarts. It's great. He's so happy. He's just loving this.

It's really like... Isaac's like, I'll let you know when it happens. All right. Two games with more exciting stakes, but I wouldn't say do or die stakes, but exciting. Rams, home for Jimmy Jesus. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is happening.

I don't think Jimmy Jesus can be getting more than a touchdown anywhere in the NFL at this point. I'm going to say Rams by 6.5. Here's why I think they might be tanking, and Vegas knows. I said 1, and it's 3.5. Are they shitting everybody? I think maybe they will be shitting everybody. Wait, the line's 3.5? Yeah, maybe they will be shitting everybody. Wait, the line's three and a half? Yeah. Because they can't get a bye.

Teams don't necessarily care if they get the three or four seed, usually. You don't like this. And the Jimmy Jesus phenomenon. Rams over six. That was one of the biggest overachievers. They have 11 wins. 49ers, right on their number, we're expected to have 5 wins so Vegas is basically saying

there's a very good chance the Rams won't care about this game right can't get a bye Jimmy Jesus could go would this be 5 in a row that'd be amazing well for

I have this vague memory of Scott Mitchell doing this 20 years ago am I imagining that that'd be amazing well for yes for the 9 I have this vague memory of Scott Mitchell doing this 20 years ago am I imagining that wow ripping off 5 in a row and then getting a big

free agent contract by the way Jimmy G is much better than him you better hope he's not the next Scott Mitchell I vaguely remember

Scott Mitchell doing this for maybe the Lions and then getting signed by the Dolphins or did it for the Dolphins and got signed by the Lions? It was some sort of Scott Mitchell thing that shouldn't have happened. If you left Tom Brady

in the lurch for the next Scott Mitchell, what a terrific thing. No, he's a hundred times better than Scott Mitchell. Stop it. Isaac, isolate that clip, please. Scott Mitchell. Let's see. Don't do this to yourself.

This could get ugly. 1993, Miami. Scott Mitchell won a couple of playoff games now. Maybe he did this for the Lions, and then they re-signed him. That might have been what it is. Well, whatever. Scott Mitchell killed the Cowboys. I think it was 48-17 or something.

He was fun to bet against. You know what he loved to do is throw the ball to the other team, which always made that fun. Who was this guy? Herman Moore? Who did he have? Yeah, it was Herman Moore. Great Herman Moore. One of the great first fantasy football receivers, Herman Moore.

The other one with some stakes, Saints at the Bucs. Yeah. I think the Bucs are dying to spoil everybody's tease or whatever. They've been dying to do it for eight weeks and just aren't competent enough to do it. And this could be the week. The Saints by five in Tampa because they actually need this game. What do you have?

I said seven, and it's up to seven and a half. I guess they just need to win. Their over-under was eight. They have 11. That's a win for the over. Buck's over-under was eight and a half. Way under. Second biggest underachiever.

I had a great stat, and now I can't find it for the hard knocks teams, how bad they are. I can't find it for the hard knocks teams, how bad they are. I can't find it, but I think they average 6-9-1 against the spread. Saints seem like they want to be teased. I would urge everyone not to do

that because they haven't had the dumb outdoor loss yet and the Bucs are dying to ruin something. Yeah. Mike Evans seems to want to play football too now. Remember when Mike Evans was the seventh pick in everyone's fantasy draft? Yeah, I had him in one of my leagues. I guess, aside from David

Johnson, probably the biggest first round bust in a snake, right? That was, you know, Sheck won our fantasy league. You had David Johnson who got hurt like in two weeks and still won our league.. He had David Johnson who got hurt in two weeks and still won our league. By the way, Sheck was 9-7 in our fantasy league and still won the league.

Fantasy football continues to be the dumbest thing on the planet. I lost to you because the Ravens got a minus one in our matchup, but that's why I lost to you. All you needed was two points for them. Doesn't it feel good? You don't have to worry about it? Yeah.

I will never give that man the satisfaction of voting me out. Wow. This is so good. It's such a bombshell. I can't wait to text him after this. He can take his Promethean and go stick it. Do or die stakes. We have six games, including our marquee game.

First one, Titans home for the Jags, who have nothing to play for, which makes this line impossible to guess. I took a stab at it and guessed Titans by six. I think you got it exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I said five and a half. That's pretty good. What are the odds the Jaguars say

this is a division rival, let's stick it to them, we'll knock them out of the playoffs? Well, yeah. there's that possibility, but what better team to play in the first round, right, at home? Give them a little false confidence, play your backups, let the Jags win, let the Titans win by two touchdowns. I don't know, that's how I would play it.

Titans over under was nine, they're at eight wins. Jag's how I would play it. Titans over under was nine. They're at eight wins. Jaguars was six and a half. They went way over. The Titans are very poorly coached, and I actually wonder when I watch them why they don't go no huddle because I don't mind their receivers. Yeah.

It's weird that Decker's not having a better season because whenever I watch them, it seems like he gets open and makes some stuff happen every once in a while, and so does Matthews. I like their tight end. It just seems like they could be a little more explosive. They're really deliberate. Of course.

I mean, we've said this through. Whenever we had them last, we bet them. They're just not fun to watch offensively. I don't think they would have been. They've had that defensive touchdown. I think the Rams had that game in hand. Oh, I'm with you. But it took them a while to open it up,

and when they opened it up, they actually started moving the ball a little, which I've noticed with them. I don't know why they don't open it up more. So this is the shaky. I mean, it's almost definitely going to be the rematch. So this will be the shakies bowl, right? We do our banquet at shakies.

This is the bad game that gets buried Saturday morning. Yeah, the 1 o'clock Saturday game? Yeah. You think they should have Indy Dalton and Marvin Lewis flip the coin before the game? Oh, I like that. Maybe with one of the McDowell brothers? And they should take the coin with them because they're going to need it probably. Second game, which really doesn't belong here,

and nobody thinks the Bills are actually going to make the playoffs, but Dolphins home for the Bills. And it's weird. It's a do-or-die game for the Bills. It means nothing to the Dolphins. The Dolphins have really not shown any inspiration at all, and yet I kind of like the Dolphins, and I think they're favored. I have Dolphins by two and a half.

I said one and a half. Bills are favored by three. I guess if only one team can make the playoffs, they have to be favored. Is that the thinking here? I don't think the Bills are good. I watched them for four straight quarters, two out of the last three weeks, and I just don't think the Bills are good. I watched them for four straight quarters, two out of the last three weeks, and I just don't think they're that good.

How much is that coach praying that starting Nathan Peterman, who had five interceptions against the Chargers, how much is he praying that that's not the tiebreaker after this week? That should be the only thing on their mind. We were arguing about this in the Ringer NFL Slack because people were making that same case in the Slack. You said they would have lost anyway? They absolutely would have lost.

The whole reason they did that was because they were coming off a game. They lost 47-10. Taylor had done jack shit the whole season, and he was just trying to see what he had in Peterman. He thought they were going to lose the game anyway, and it was a bad move, but I don't think they would have beaten. What have the Bills done this year to make you think they would have gone in and beaten the Chargers?

I guess they won that one stupid Chiefs game, but that was a 16-10, and the Chiefs kind of lost that game more than the Bills won it. I just don't think the Bills are good. I don't either. I have a giant parlay with the Bills to not make the playoffs, and that's the only one that needs to survive here. Am I in that? The Chargers are the Chargers.

The Chargers are the Chargers. They can always beat themselves. Am I in that Bills parlay? I think I am. You might be. I'll look back. Yeah, I think I am. I'll look back.

Niners, Bears, there's a few of them. I think Kenyon Drake, I could see him going for like 240 yards in this game. Yeah. I thought it might happen in week 16, but they fell behind against the Chiefs, and Cutler just looked like he wanted to get out of there. He was cold. They do seem like, oh, they're going to be in this game. This is weird.

They have better players than everyone, and it's like, oh, no. It's a dolphin. Adam Gase is kind of a stealth is he going to be a coach next year guy because that team looks super sloppy and undisciplined the whole year. I liked him last year. This year I haven't been impressed.

Chargers home, if you can call it home, against the Oakland Raiders. There will be 28,000 seats available for this game. I'm going to guess 20,000 will be Raider fans. Is that possible?

It's almost a road game. On the flip side for the Chargers who need to win this and then have some help, the Raiders still employ Jack Del Rio and they still employ Derek Carr who just looks hurt. There's two possibilities.

Either Derek Carr sucks or Derek Carr's hurt. He broke his back. Remember he had that weird back fracture? Yeah. I'm just going to assume he's not healthy because he looks atrocious. He wasn't nearly this. There was no signs that he was going to play this badly last year. I don't know.

I would not play him. But didn't we say his yards per yards per attempt are about the same as they've always been? They were, but he... Maybe we just rated him higher than maybe we should have. He throws the ball for grabs. I don't know. I wouldn't play him if I were the Raiders.

But I have the Chargers by nine. That's good. You hit it exactly. I went higher. I said ten and a half. Yeah, you're right, though. I think that's... They might be better off at home than they. I said 10 and a half. Yeah, you're right though. I think that's, that's, it might be better off at home than they were on the road. Who do they have though? They're saying like,

uh, say Melvin Gordon might not play. Now you got like Brandon Oliver is, uh, it's going to have to kill clock for you. Ooh. Well, what about that other dude? What's that guy?

The, uh, he's been out for a while. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah. Raiders under nine. Raiders went under nine and a half wins. Tomlinson? Boy yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. Raiders went under 9.5 wins.

Tomlinson? Boy, that was weird. Chargers went over 7.5. What do you think of this? What do you think of this, Simmons? Float this by you. Chargers 50-1 to win the AFC. It's a fun bet if they make it, right?

You don't want to see them come to Foxborough. Bosa, Ingram. So they'd have to get the sixth seed. They'd play the Jags around one. they'd have to get the sixth seed, play the Jags round one, they'd have to go to Pittsburgh, and then they'd have to hope that Pat's lost. Because I don't think they're winning in New England.

It's not great, but 50-1's fun. 50-1 seems too high. No, I'm with you. What needs to happen for them to make the playoffs? They need to win. I guess Tennessee would have to lose. That can't be ruled out. The Jaguars might just decide,

let's show we don't want to lose two games in a row going into the playoffs. Let's just win this. Let's get Bortles going. Let's do it. Let's do it. 50-1. Let's just put $10,000 on it and just be done with it. Why don't we just put $50 each on it?

Okay. All right, I'm in. All right, good. Seattle hosting the Arizona Cardinals. This stupid Seahawks team. I can't believe they're going to make it. I think they're going to make it. The move is the Seahawks-Panthers parlay, right?

Oh, that's smart. Yeah, right. Because if you think Seattle is going to make it, yeah. So I have the Seahawks favored by 8.5. I had 9, and it is 9 right now against the Cardinals. Seahawks went under 10.5 was their expected win total. Arizona went under 8.5 was theirs. Let's talk about that parlay in a second.

Last one, Ravens home for the Bengals, who really played pretty well yesterday. I had that game on because that was one of my super contest picks. That was one of my best bets, too. Yeah, it's a tough bet in the Bengals, but they pulled it out. I'm 47-30-3

in the super Contest. Wow. If I can get to 51, I think I need to go 4 and 1 this week. I can get into the money. The top 50 get the money. I think I need to go 4 and 1. So if you went 51, 31,

and something, that's what you need to get. That seems so hard to get in the money. 51-31-3, I think, gets me in the money. 63%? Right now, I'm 61%. I need to go 4-1 or 5-0 this week. Right.

Good luck. I don't know what you're going to do. Ravens home for the Bengals. From what the Bengals showed us this week, I actually think they're going to play hard in this game. It's a division game. Their skill position guys are playing okay. Bernard was good yesterday. A.J. Green's still making

plays. A.J. Green loves playing Baltimore. I think we should flag this one. I have the Ravens by eight. I went higher. It's at nine and a half. It's up to ten. I think that's too high. Don't bet the Bengals two weeks in a row.

Just don't do it. I think that line's too high. I don't think the Ravens are good enough. They just don't show up two weeks in a row, the Bengals. Ravens over-under was 8.5. They went over. Bengals was 8.5. They went under. I tried to tell Mallory Rubin for the entire month of August because she's a Ravens fan that I thought they were going to make the playoffs,

and she just berated and mocked me. Oh, really? Yeah. So, listen, Mallory, I'm sorry. I know more about football than you. Well, Flacco is infuriating to watch, because it looks like he's such a pocket passer, but it looks like he's not really caring back there. And a lot of times it doesn't work out.

They've used a ton of running backs too. You know, they showed a graphic for Seattle yesterday during the Seattle-Dallas game where all the running backs they've used in the last two years, there was like 15 guys. Right. I couldn't believe it.

That has to be the record for most running backs anyone's ever thrown out there. Yeah, and yet their quarterback runs for his life every single play. Throw him in there. Last one, marquee game. Falcons home for the Panthers. This is really, it's like trying to pick a playoff game.

Yep. This would have been the Sunday night game if they were going to do anything with Sunday night game, but they figured this might not mean anything for the Panthers. Right? If the Vikings won or something. Right. Or if the Saints lost.

So normally I would have done pick them, but I do I did worry about the possibility of the game meaning nothing for Carolina, so I did Atlanta by three. I said three and a half and it's shame the devil that Atlanta's favored by four. Ooh. Jesus.

I think people are going to be afraid to give points here, but that might be the way to go. Okay. I went on Sportsbook. Now I'm clicking the parlay. Yeah, it's still four. You mean Moneyline, though, right? The Moneyline. The Moneyline. the parlay. Yeah, it's still four. You mean money line though, right? The money line. So Seattle's minus 370. Carolina's

plus 170. So if you think Seattle is making the playoffs and not Atlanta, it is plus 243. 243? Okay. That is the, I think Seattle is in the playoffs parlay. I like that. I don parlay. I like that.

I don't know if I like that. Why not? I don't know. I could actually see both teams losing. What happens if both teams lose? Do neither of them make it? No, Atlanta makes it. I'm calling this now. The Saturday night game, the playoff game, will be Panthers-Saints.

In the Dome. Yeah. Calling it now. That's Dome. Yeah. Calling it now. That's the Saturday night game. Jags-Titans or whatever the Jags play. That's the early game Saturday. Two weeks from now. There you go.

Atlanta had, I'd say Falcons were nine and a half over on there. They could still go over. Panthers were nine. They went way over. We're going to do parent corner, but first I want to talk about MyBookie. The playoffs are almost here. You're probably worn out from parties, gifts, spending from the

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Use the promo code BillSimmons to activate the offer. You play. You win. You get paid. Well, I think the one time we did inline betting this year was actually basically a halftime bet. Who did we have?

The Warriors over the Thunder, right? Weren't they down like 10 or 12 or something? Yeah, we lost. We lost that one. That was fun. So, Parent Corner. What a week to do Parent Corner. We just had Christmas. We just had Christmas vacation.

Yeah, I didn't see my kids all week, so I don't know what I'm going to say. I'll let you go first. All right. Well, so my nine-year-old, you know, I love him to death, but he's kind of a simpleton. Still believes in Santa. Maybe if you're listening with your kids right now, turn this off. So when he goes to the mall and sits on Santa's lap and asks for a SpongeBob camper van, and Santa says, all right, you'll get a SpongeBob camper van.

And then the nine-year-old's mother orders it online and doesn't realize she ordered it from France. And it's not going to get here until, like, the second week in January. You know, we all of a sudden have a problem. The kid asked Santa for something. He's not going to get it. So she's getting all her. She has a French friend trying to translate this request. So we're getting it in January.

So this kid's not getting it. So now we have to figure this request. So we're getting it in January. So this kid's not getting it. So now we have to figure something out. So now it's Christmas Eve, and she wants to write a letter from Santa explaining what happened, and, like, the elves got busy and all this stuff. And she's, like, got a piece of paper, and she's, like, lighting it up,

lighting the edges up over the sink. She's charring it up. Like, what are you doing? It's like, well, I want to make it like it's from Santa. I was like, well, what are you going to say in this thing? She's like, I'm just going to say that elves got packed up and you were a good boy and all this stuff. I was like, that's ridiculous. Just tell

him he's not getting it and he'll get it in January. That's it. He wasn't great the last week leading up. Do you find the kids don't get along? They fight more the week leading up to Christmas, even though the threats are more real? No question. So that was the case here.

I was like, just shake. No way. We're not doing that. Like, let me write the letter. So that was like midnight Christmas Eve and all the presents are in their trees. And the kid's not getting anything. He's not getting this camper. He's got other gifts.

I can't write this letter. I find something online. The kid's not getting anything. He's not getting this camper. He's got other gifts. I can't write this letter. I find something online. If you pay $3.50 through PayPal, they will write you this letter. I kind of like personalize it and everything. I have his name in there. You're a good boy. You've done great work.

But the elves, what is it? Sometimes Santa doesn't bring you the special present that you want, but he'll surprise you this year with something else. And thanks for leaving candy canes. Like, I had all this personalized stuff. I go to pay for it. I'm up to, like, 2.30 in the morning because they haven't sent it. It should be something you could download immediately. They didn't send it.

So now I'm like, oh, my God, I'm not going to get this letter. Finally it comes in. I print it out. I put it outside his stocking. He reads it, and he says, he looks at us and he says so what happened target ran out of these so there you go just like that oh it's not it's not worth it it's not worth it it just isn't so So there you go. Look for the SpongeBob camper van to come sometime in February. Incredible. Wow.

This was, yeah, this really is a parent corner. You shouldn't listen to it. If your kids still believe in Santa. This was our first Christmas where our kids didn't believe in elf in the shelf or Santa where they knew. So that was great.

That didn't stop my wife from waiting until the kids went to bed and then putting down more gifts that weren't under the tree yet. Right. Unfortunately for us, my daughter, who I still feel like 10% might believe in Santa and was hoping it was true,

was like waiting her out on Christmas Eve and was just up. And it was 11 o'clock and my wife's waiting for her to fall asleep. 11.30, my daughter comes in again. Hey, I wanted to ask you. So she's clearly just waiting. And now it's like 12.15 and I'm tired because we went out to dinner. So I fell asleep. And now it's just a staring contest between them. And finally at 12.30, my daughter falls asleep and my wife goes down and arranges the things and then is back up at like 1.15 and now she's mad at me that I didn't help her.

And now wakes me up and then we start yelling at each other at 1.50 in the morning. It's like, yeah, Christmas, woo-hoo. I'm like, well, if you'd help, maybe I wouldn't have woken you up. It was like one of those arguments. But that's not my parent corner story. This is a quickie.

I was hanging out with my son on Thursday because my wife and my daughter were out. And we were like, boys night, boys night, we're hanging out. And his phone starts beeping and I grab it and I look and it's his girlfriend who's sending him heart emojis. Oh no. Just one after another. And then my son looks at me and goes,

damn, it feels good to be a G. What? A G? Yeah. I don't know where that came from or why he said that. I was so excited. You sure he didn't say Jimmy G? Maybe he did. I don't know.

So yeah, he said, damn, it feels good to be a G. Because he was getting card emojis from his 10-year-old girlfriend. And he's 10 as well. Oh, man. And that's my son. He's going to be like for Marty. He's going to have 14 kids. I was going to say,

would it be weird if I got him a vasectomy before he even hits puberty? Has anyone ever done that before? That should be your new guy's night out, your next guy's night out. That's funny. Maybe have prenups for everyone he starts dating from now on. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know the laws of a G getting a vasectomy before 10 years old.

He's a G. David feels good to be a G. My son, you have nothing to plug this week. You have no Jimmy Kimmel Live this week, correct? No, but we do have, against all odds, the best of the degenerate Gambler Hall of Fame submissions. The Degenerate Trifecta and I, every week

or every other week, we take an email of someone with a hard luck case or just a crazy gambling story, and we decide if they're eligible for the Degenerate Gambler's Hall of Fame in Pahrump, Nevada. We're building it up. It's really looking good. It's coming close to being done.

We have, I think We're building it up. It's really looking good. It's coming close to being done. And yeah, so we have, I think, like Tate Frazier had looked into it. We have like eight or 10 submissions and it's good. It's entertaining. Excellent. I look forward to that. My podcast, I have two more coming this week

after this one. Paul Thomas Anderson, one of my favorite ones that I've done, not just this year, but maybe ever. The guy who directed Boogie Nights and is the best director of the past 20 years. He's coming out. We're putting that one up. And also, we're going to do a shorter one.

Francesa, who just cannot play on the road, apparently, with his picks, went 0-2-1 or 0-3-1. He's going to do Friday. We might have a couple other people on that one too that we'll put up friday morning and i'm also on the ringer nba show with kevin o'connor so check out for those uh thanks to c geek 20 off your first c geek purchase on nba tickets use promo code bsnba i forgot to mention one shining podcast the second part of the college but what just for the, what school do you think, what school should have been better at college basketball?

And you, you're perplexed that they're not better. It's funny. You said, did Tate bring up North Carolina, University of North Carolina? Because they should make me be better. I should have held on to that.

Was this before or after they lost to Wofford? Wow. Thank God he's not here. Thank God. Thanks to State Farm. Get an agent that gets you as well as Chris Paul and James Harden to get each other. That's the focus of the Ringer's first NBA Relationship Goals video on theringer.com and all of our social media outlets.

Go to statefarm.com to get an agent that gets you. Sal, when we do this again, we'll be in person on, I think, Tuesday, right? We're doing it Tuesday again. Yeah. And we're going to break down the big four. And also some terrible parlay that we probably lost in week 17 that I can't wait to do. Absolutely. It'll be great.

It's good to be a G. Cuz, great 2017. A pleasure, as always. Talk to you in 2018. You too, pal. Good job by you. Good job by you. Good job by you. Good job by you.