The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Week 3 With Cousin Sal (Ep. 261)

Episode Date: September 18, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss Sunday night's Emmys (5:00), Triple G vs. Canelo (8:00), the stout NFC South (16:00), Jay Cutler's first win with the Dolphins (22:00), Trevor Siemian impressing in Denver (27:00), Buccaneers-Vikings (34:00), Marshal Yanda's injury (38:00), Texans-Pats (44:00), Romo's rapport with Jim Nantz (48:00), Steelers-Bears (53:00), Marshawn Lynch's impressive return to form (1:01:00), Eli Manning's struggles (1:06:00), and Jerry Jones turning on Roger Goodell (1:10:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network is brought to you by SeatGeek, our presenting sponsor. The easiest way to shop for tickets thanks to their revolutionary grading system. Buy and sell tickets in two taps on your phone. Everything fully guaranteed. Football fans, $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase on NFL tickets. Use promo code BSNFL. Download the SeatGeek app or go right to SeatGeek.com.

We're also brought to you by Hotel Tonight, the app that helps you find amazing deals on hotels up to seven days in advance, perfect for an unexpected trip or spontaneous staycation. I just used it a couple weeks ago for my daughter's soccer tournament. Fantastic. Got into the Marriott in San Diego at last minute. I was so excited. You'll have the freedom to score a great price and a great place. It takes 10 seconds. Three taps and a swipe. A lot of short tap sponsors today. I like the three taps.

Two taps, three taps. Grab killer last minute deals by downloading the Hotel Tonight app now. We are also brought to you by TheRinger.com. That's where I have my football column. Combination mailbag NFL picks every Friday in the morning on TheRinger.com. A whole bunch of great stuff. We have a lot of Emmys coverage today. Sean Fantasy wrote about Mother, which is the most polarizing movie.

It's not even polarizing. People hate it. People detest this movie. It's really an unconventional release. Poor J-Law. I hope she's fine. God bless J-Law. And don't forget the Rewatchables, our newest movie podcast. We had another one last week, Silence of the Lambs. A lot of good feedback for this one. I probably crossed the line. There's really a breakdown of throwing body fluids at one point. Migs, Jame Gum, crossed some lines in this one. Near the end, so be careful.

Don't listen with your kids in the car. We have Speed coming up this week. Stay on or get off. Stay on or get off. Stay on or get off. It's coming. And then we're taping a whole bunch this week because Cam Collins, the Ringer movie critic, is in town. So we're going to bank a whole bunch of them too.

The Rewatchables, subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Coming up, the Cuz, week three, NFL. But first, Pearl Jam. nfl but first pearl jam because it's out in the studio for week three picks and a whole bunch of other stuff uh yet again came up short in the Emmys oh yeah we're getting good

at this you got one like 20 years ago though so you have that one the Ben Stein's money one right yeah I do have that I got one for

effing Ben effing Matt Damon no Matt Damon Matt Damon nice co-writer of that but then best late night show

yeah I thought this was this had a chance i thought so too we'll have to kill john oliver's with how this is gonna happen that or we'll move to once a week we'll see what that is true it is crazy that you could win for what's he on once a week like 30 times yeah i think jimmy's putting out 180 shows a year how are those two equal i know i like i like john ol, but he's talking about, oh, we don't want our staff to get too excited because we have a show to do next week. It's like, we have big ideas due at 7 a.m. tomorrow.

God bless you. I like How Big Little Lies, which I loved, which is a great show, but is it in the same category with shows that have like 22 episodes? They just need more categories with the Emmys. I think they do. There should be a once a week late night show. There should be like a seven, eight episode type thing, Night Of, Big Little Lies, all those.

And then like Chicago Fire should have more of a chance. Yeah, I think so. I'm with you. It's hard to do. Instead of Fire. Or This Is Us. It's hard to do 18 episodes and make my wife cry in 16 of them. Well, there's so much right, and there's so much more TV,

or whatever you want to call it now. They do need to reconfigure this. We need more categories. Do it. I mean, there's some stupid things. Transparency, comedy, and there's some weird things. They could really tweak that system a little bit. Guess who we don't need to see during the actual Sunday night ceremony?

Who's that? Best director. Oh, yeah. Just have more categories for shows. Give me some. Do you have any Emmy stories? Anything? Make that the creative arts thing?

I do have one, but it was from a party Friday night. Okay, great. So I'm walking through. This is a WME party. Our agent, James Baby Doll Dixon, held it. And I'm walking through through looking to find my wife who had gone ahead of me um and this uh smoking hot blonde approaches me and hugs me and she's like i love you on jimmy kim alive i was like oh my god this is crazy this is this is

going to keep me uh going in my mind for months and months and months and i was like all right well thank you that. Thanks for watching. I have to go. She said, can I just take a picture with you? I would love to take a picture with you. I said, yeah, that's great. And she has her friend taking the picture, and she's like, I don't know where you're going to party, but Sunset Tower, that's where we're going to be, and you definitely need to show up there.

I was like, okay, this is all of a sudden ridiculous. And as she's taking, as her friend's trying to figure out the camera, she says, I really loved you on Kimmel last week. And I'm like, oh, I wasn't on last week, but I was on the week before. Okay, all right, all right. And I'm not even a Republican. Jeez.

She thought I was Sean Spicer. Oh, no! She thought I was freaking Sean Spicer. It's going to take me six months to figure out if that's a compliment or not. You don't look anything like Sean Spicer. I don't know. I don't know. Also, who wants to party with Sean Spicer?

I'll give you a card. That's the weirdest story I've ever heard. Yes. She works on Game of Thrones. It was really a dream come true and then a nightmare all at once. Did you pull any Sal stuff at the Emmys? No, not really. Did you push anyone into a cake?

That's the thing. No, I just want to win one so I can push Shrifty or someone offstage. Anybody. once did you pull any south stuff at the emmys no not push anyone into a cake no i just i just want to win one so i could push shrifty or someone off stage anybody you know um one one one one that was that's a pretty uh lukewarm emmys report what do you want me to do why don't you go to any of these parties i went last year i don't need to go they're gonna kick you out of hollywood i'm done i'm done with this i'm moving to Boston. We have Kyrie Irving. I'm moving. Triple G.

I bet on the Canelo knockout. Yeah. Parlayed with the Raiders. What did you ultimately bet on? I bet a couple things. I bet that either fighter would win in 7 to 12 rounds. Nope. No, that didn't happen.

And then I bet Triple G by knockout. So I was kind of on the opposite. I'm like, one of us is going to win. Of course, neither of us won. So at the time of the decision, I had no horse in the race. Yeah. You didn't either, right? No. Felt like it was going to be a draw, though. You really did?

I really did. Wow. You felt like the judges would screw up, or you felt like it was a draw? I had it either 6-6 or 7-5 Triple G. That's unbelievable. I thought Canelo won at least two of the first three, and maybe all three, because depending on how you felt on round one where nothing happened. And then I thought he won the last three. And I think you make a case he won the fifth.

So I know punch count isn't the be-all, end-all. So you're giving him six rounds, and Triple G had more punches in 10 out of the 12 rounds. He just stalked him. He stalked him the whole fight. I thought he was missing too much, though. It reminded me a lot of Hagler in 87 against Leonard. Just like he looked the same, fought the same.

It was the old Triple g except like his punches were missing and i don't know and it seemed like in the middle rounds of that canelo got tired no question like he just wasn't power punches were connecting at a far greater rate like i don't know i don't know what more so you thought triple g won one of the last three rounds i thought he won seven five maybe i think he was on his way to 8-4, somewhere in there. I really did. It's funny. I'll tell you what it wasn't. It wasn't 10 rounds to 2 Canelo. It wasn't 1-18, 1-10.

That's crazy, though. I mean, when you have somebody has a score like that, I don't even know how to respond to it. It'd be like if somebody watched Alice Denver yesterday and was like, I actually thought I gave the Cowboys a split decision. It's like, well, I don't even know what to say. You don't have to rub it in anymore.

Sorry, I know what you're saying. No, it is like a home plate umpire calling 10 pitches in a row in the dirt. Well, why not? So if we have, I think all championship fights should have five judges. I think if it's like there's four fights a year that are like the fights of the year, why not have like seven judges? What more would it cost them? Then you're mitigating like

the one idiot who's like i sat ringside i thought canelo went 10 of the 12 rounds right but he first of all that person shouldn't judge again because i don't know what they were watching but yeah but i'm a girl it doesn't matter but they should go up to him like all right you have two choices here you're incompetent or you're crooked which one do you want to take because my wife uh is not a great judge but she could sit and say oh this round was won by this one this round was won by that you know the first three were tough obviously you could have given all three to canelo if you talked yourself into it right um maybe five 10 11 12 but then you still have to give him three more somehow i thought it was a really entertaining fight i genuinely enjoyed it to give him three more somehow. I thought it was a really entertaining fight. I genuinely enjoyed it.

To give him round seven was great. And the decision didn't matter as long as they didn't screw it up. There was no 118, 110 in there. And the thing with the five judges, I like the idea, but that wouldn't have helped Pacquiao Horn. That was unanimous for Horn for some reason. So I don't know what you do. I'll tell you this.

Boxing would be in a lot of trouble if mayweather had lost like why would there be any reason to watch with all these all these controversies and everything else like yeah it's tough like boxing doesn't need this right now so bad do you think that it should be 13 rounds for championship fights you can't have a draw if it's 13 rounds. I was trying to do the math. Even if somebody won a 10-8 round, I still think it would be hard to have a draw with 13. Yeah, I think so too. But maybe just add a round. Maybe if the guys deteriorate a little more mentally in their late 60s, that's the price we pay.

Right. I agree. No, that's terrible. Or maybe go 11 rounds. Maybe add one more. Four-minute round. Four-minute round. I agree. No, that's terrible. Or maybe go 11 rounds. Maybe one big round. Maybe one more. No. Four-minute round.

Four-minute round. Super round. But the judges, I think, should be watching on TV like the rest of us without the benefit of the play-by-play. They're hearing the crowd. The crowd is definitely taking effect. No question. If you're going to listen to the popcorn concession guy behind you

screaming about who he thinks is winning, you should have access to the punch count too, the CompuBox stats too. Why not? Have everything. So if you were a judge, what I would do is, like the round one, which nobody won. There was no winners in round one. You just do whatever you want.

But then after you're done with the fight and you watch it and you're like, all right, I know I have these nine definite opinions on that. I feel like Triple G won the fight, so I'm going to slide round one to him. I wonder if they do that. Retroactively do it? Yeah, or just like I'm going to leave this open, and if a push comes to shove, then I'll nudge it the way I want it to go. Or do they have to put each round in at the time?

I think they do have to put it. I think that's what they have to do they said adelaide bird's card was such a mess like who knows what they know i think they do have to submit round by round it would have been funny if uh they just said uh one of the cards canelo won but um we're just gonna move on to the next card i'm gonna tell you what the scores were but uh canelo won i thought it was a really fascinating fight. Two years ago, three years ago, Triple G demolishes Canelo. And Triple G definitely gotten older.

His last fight wasn't great either. I didn't think he was great in this fight. He definitely had the old tricks. Canelo looked like a monster, right? He looked like real. Canelo, it just felt like his punches hurt more. I don't know why he stopped going to the body in the middle rounds. Right.

Those body punches was his ticket. Right. But he seemed super confident the first four rounds. Yeah. Like, he was going against the ropes, just like, you can't. But then after a while, you just can't fight that way. I didn't feel like Canelo was in the greatest shape. No, right.

He did. I don't think he could Put together combinations Like he wanted to In those middle rounds No Because he lost some energy As a result of that There's always been rumors That I mean he's not

Like Adrian Broner Out every night But there's always been rumors Canelo has Partier Yeah It's more women I think Back Staccate right

That's his big I think he's Big with the women Yeah Big having a good time And I think if he had been In better shape I think he wins

I'm excited to see it again and let's see it three times but you know really the decision the only one it matters for is the gamblers because we are going to see this fight again

no matter what so where were we on the draw the draw was anywhere from 15 to 20 somewhere we say this all the time I know

because it was we knew it was it was a great the line was minus 130 minus 150 it was in that range where it was super close yeah it a great the line was minus 130 minus 150 it was in that range where it was super close

yeah it's so funny we analyzed it for an hour like oh god I don't know who to take someone just smacked us in the head like you guys are both

saying draw so take draw well there's only so many opportunities in life to wear a tux so oh did you wear one last night I did wear one I wore two you should have got you should have got life to wear a tux, though. Oh. Did you wear one last night?

I did wear one. I wore two. You should have gotten it from theblacktux.com. It can look great, make it look easy, too. High-quality rental suits and tuxedos delivered to your doorstep. The blacktux.com makes weddings or special events easier than it's ever been. The Black Tux offers free home try-on, so you can see the fit and feel the quality of the suit months before your event, or in your case, last night. It's completely done online.

No trips to the tuck shop required. No creepy tailors breathing all over. Do you have a creepy tailor? No, no. Oh, yeah, a little bit. A little bit creepy. Tiny bit. Create your look or choose from tons of stylists selected outfits starting at just $95 made from fine Italian wool.

The highest quality in the rental market. Any issues in there, expert customer care team will have your back. After ordering, your suit will arrive 14 days before your event, a full two weeks to try it on. Make sure everything fits. If not, the Black Tux will send you a free replacement right away. After you're done, drop your rental back in the mail, shipping free both ways. Get started right now.

Visit theblacktux.com slash bs to get 20 dollars off your purchase experience a new way to rent tuxedos again that's the black tux.com wasn't black tux bs didn't they win uh the black tux new hulu show yeah that would be a good hulu show why not handmaid's tale it's great it was the best show this year it's great it's the best one Tough Watch oh yeah Rough Watch yeah

the rough for the watch seems like the better it is for award season the aunt what's her name what do they call her aunt she won right

why do they Sterling K. Brown getting played off the stage was unbelievable it was one of the best speeches I've ever seen in an award show it was like

get off the stage meanwhile Nicole Kidman was going for five minutes she couldn't stop, right? She's famous enough. The band can't come in on Nicole Kidman. It stinks because I understand the network has to get off the air at a certain time. So those awards that are getting-

Do they really? I don't know. Well, do they have the local news? Yeah, they have. Yes, they're contracted. But Don Roy King, we got to see his whole speech for the best director. Well, that's the thing. The latter awards get screwed because, hey, we're at. But Don Roy King, we got to see his whole speech for the best director. Well, that's the thing. The latter awards get screwed because, hey, we're at a time crunch here.

You have now 18 seconds to do your thing. This happens all the time. They've never properly figured it out. Were you in the theater, right? I was right there, yeah. I was in the theater checking the Packers Falcons reloading on my phone every 30 seconds. That was an interesting Falcons game as we move on to week three. Good job by you jumping on the Falcons reloading on my phone every 30 seconds. That was an interesting Falcons game as we move on to week three. Good job by you jumping on the Falcons,

the team that we hadn't even talked about all week, and you right before the game. I kept thinking about it, and I was just like, I think I was wrong on the Falcons. Part of the key to doing this and picking games and gambling and all this stuff is to go into week one, and you have your thoughts, but be prepared to audible. And that's something I'm always stubborn. I'm like, no, no, I don't think.

And then you get your ass kicked for four weeks. I think the Falcons are fine because you look at that division. The Saints suck. I was worried about the Saints being good. They're not good. Earmuffs, Tate. Panthers? Yeah. Not good. Yeah, they're not very good. It're not good. Earmuffs, Tate. Panthers?

Yeah. Not good. Yeah, they're not very good. It's not going to happen for you, I don't think. There's no way they go 3-0. There's no way the Saints go 0-3 and they go 3-0. Is there a road to 10-6 for Carolina? I think there's a road for that, but I think the Falcons are the best in the NFC South. You need 16 Keekly games.

Yeah. You need Cam to stay healthy. He's getting rocked. The son of Easy Ed McCaffrey has not been lighting my TVs on fire I had to hear all summer about Christian McCaffrey how great he's going to be, they're going to run the offense through him I haven't seen it yet

I'm mad at Tate by the way Tariq Cohen who went to his school went to NC A&T, North Carolina A&T went to school in his state he was very aware of Tariq Cohen. Yes. Did he throw a bone to me before my famous draft?

Hey, watch out for this Tariq Cohen. Goes for $51 in my free agent. Mad at you, Tate. Oh, Jordan Howard went for $51. No, Jordan. I'd spend $45 on Jordan Howard. Oh, on the free agent thing. Yeah, week one free agent.

I like, though, is there nothing worse for a sports fan when your team is bad and your friends ask you to defend it? Like, take it. The Panthers suck. Come on, man. Come on. You just got to deal with it. It's a matter of deal.

What's wrong? Just take it. Well, so it seems like Tampa and Atlanta are not only the two teams, the breakout teams of that division, maybe the best two teams in the NFC. I think that division can have three playoff teams. Think about it. It's not going to be the Saints from what I watched yesterday. No.

I watched every play of that game. I think Tate's team rebounds. You still like the Panthers. Yeah, I do. I don't think Cam looks right. No, of course he doesn't. And now Olsen broke his foot. Right.

That's not great. That's a disaster. What receiver do you trust the most, Tate? Funks. I mean, I guess it's got to be Kelvin Benjamin, but that's the other thing. Good luck with that. Yeah, I think that's an 8-18. The defense is pretty solid, though.

What is it? How many points in two games? Right now, Keekly playing. He's one more hit away from he's out. I think that team's a cross-off. I mean, not cross-off like how as the season goes on, we actually cross-off, but just as like this team i had penciled in drag the pen though no i i think i think they're i think the vikings

are panthers i like i don't know what this bradford thing i know and thank you for the pep talk on twitter like the vikings my best bet i had that earlier in the week and then when it was announced that bradford was out and it was case keen're like, it's not going from Luck to Tolson. And you're right. But the problem with these guys. No, you were right. But the problem is these guys that don't work with the first team all week, you know what you're getting out of them.

It's just check down, check down, check down for two and a half quarters. And then maybe they go deep. Keenum never went deep to Diggs. And I think that's all it would have taken was one big play to get back in that game. The other problem is once they're down 10, it's over. That's the whole thing. And that's the Jacksonville problem. I still think Jacksonville, Tennessee,

I picked the Jags. I think I made them one of my super contest picks. I don't feel bad about it. He had two deflected passes at the line for intercepted. They fall behind 10, the game's over. They're in it for a while. They have Alan Hearns, Marquise Lee, like Fournette. They were just stacking the line on them.

But I don't know. If you play that game 10 times, the Jags probably win a couple of them. But once they're down 10, it's like you just take the game off the wall of TVs. You don't even need to watch it. There's only about five quarterbacks you trust down 10, right? That's a good way to put these guys in tears. Well, I think the Ravens are like that. If the Ravens fall down 13 to 3 to somebody,

you turn the game off. They're not coming back for that. Another check down quarterback. Yeah. Big stories from this week. But I do want to say, Atlanta, you were talking about Atlanta. I want to get back to that. Oh, good.

All right. No Super Bowl hangover for them, doesn't look like. There was seeds yesterday. You could feel it. You were at the Emmys. When Green Bay scored, they cut it. They missed the two-point, but they're going for the two-point. It would have cut it to 16.

There was a lot of time left. Terrifying. Everybody in the planet had the same thought. It was like, oh, no. Oh, God. That would have been really, really bad for their first bet. Would have been bad. I've been bad at predicting these emotional games.

Like Houston, I thought, would come out and crush Jacksonville because of the emotion of the hurricane and everything and Mark coming out with the flag and everything. I thought Atlanta would let down because of this big emotion in the opening of the stadium. I was wrong about both. But Atlanta plus 360 to win the NFC, not so bad. That's only going to go lower and lower.

Lombardi made a good point. Lombardi and Tate did GM Street last night for Ring around NFL. Excellent. And Lombardi's point, which I think you can always say this about the Patriots, the Falcons, now that the Packers are banged up. I don't know if you can say that about them. But I think those are the only two teams when you know they're going to pass and the defense is like, all right, you're passing,

and they can still get it. That's it, right? Is there anybody else who can get a first down in that situation, like third and nine? You're saying Packers and Falcons? No, I think Falcons and Pats. Falcons and Pats. And I think the Packers, if everyone's healthy

and they have their tackles back and stuff like that, but I think that's it. No, you're right. I need to watch more of Tampa. It was hard to judge that game because they were better than the Bears. They're home. They took care of business. Tampa might be the third team, potentially, because they have a lot of weapons.

The third what team? The third team that if we know they're passing, they can still get the first down anyway. I think the Steelers will eventually get there. I don't know what's wrong exactly with their offense, but I think that's the kind of team that if we know they're passing, they can still get the first down anyway. I think the Steelers will eventually get there. I don't know what's wrong exactly with their offense, but I think that's the kind of team that's there. Big Ben doesn't look good. Oh, man. Where are the big players?

Anywhere. So no Super Bowl hangover for them. I think coming out of the first two weeks, the most shocking thing to me is how bad the Bengals and Cards are. Because I have like... They're your Florida Evans team? They're your most disappointed in them? I'm not disappointed because I wasn't expecting much.

But what I'm shocked by, I do the power pull every week to try to figure out where these teams are. I have the Bengals and the Cards in the bottom six. I think your bottom six right now is Bengals, Bears, Cardinals, Colts, Browns, Jets. Okay, so, yeah, I guess. I mean, we might eventually throw Jacksonville in there and we see a little more.

Their defense is good. I'm not going to overreact to that Jacksonville game. I think the Saints might be in there potentially. Really? The only thing with the Saints is when they get Willie Sneed back, I think that's going to help them because they really had one receiver to worry about they have this weird peterson ingram situation where they're basically the same guy but neither of them's getting enough carries yeah and then they want to be there tomorrow guy into

and i think he only had like one carry yesterday yeah um the team i was the most impressed by and i and i don't know if it's a playoff team or not, but just I thought it was a tough game. I thought the Chargers outplayed the Dolphins, but the Dolphins kind of hung around. Cutler wasn't bad. I was prepared for him to be awful. He never killed them. Parker's like this new toy for him.

He's just throwing these jump balls for him. And they made plays, and it came down to Koo missing the game winner, and they should have lost. But I thought the Chargers were better and should have won, and the Dolphins snuck it out, which is a good sign for them. Landry had 100 targets like that. Yeah. I'm actually impressed with both Florida teams.

So you didn't know how they were going to react. They're traveling all over. They're making arrangements for their family and everything, especially Miami then having to go all the way to San Diego and they pull that out. Kudos to them. Then you look at the Chargers and you think...

Maybe they're in your bottom six. No, I feel the opposite. I know, but they're very entertaining every week. They almost won in Denver. Denver looked like world beaters last week. They should have won yesterday. It just basically came down to their kicker missed two 43-yard field goals. Miami's kicker made a 54-yarder.

Mm-hmm. It's a nine-point swing, and that's why they lost. But I would argue that they're a pretty good team. They played at a level of the competition. They really do. And you put your daughter's soccer team against them, and they will lose or win by three. I'm telling you. I'd like to see that.

The biggest revelation from that game, we were excited for the 27,000 seat stadium. This is going to be great. Finally a home field advantage for the Chargers. There's 40% offense fans there. My friend Chris Williams, he went with his sons Gabe

and Ben. Huge offense fan. I would know. They had good seats but took pictures. He said it was 40%. He said when the Dolphins, when they made the 54-yard field goal, it was like a home game, and then when the Chargers missed at the end, it was,

and then the idiots set off fireworks. Yeah. It was like, yes, the Chargers lost. Oh, wait, that's our team. They have no idea. You know what's a good way to get the local fans in? Announce that you're charging $100 for general parking. At that point, just Uber. Are you kidding me?

$100? And it was probably a nightmare to get there anyway? Let me tell you something. Game four, I've flipped on the Chargers after seeing that yesterday. I think they're in trouble in these home games. Game four, week four, they're in trouble in these home games. Game four, week four, they play Philly in the stadium. I'm going to say it's like 85% Philly fans.

Right. There's a lot of Philly transplants out here. I personally know five that work for the ringer. Yeah. But I think it's going to be loaded with Philly fans. But let's put it in perspective. They never really had a great home field advantage in San Diego. Not that their fans didn't show up. It was a bad home field advantage.

But they just couldn't really win at home. But it was bad. They were 19-21 the last five years. I know. I thought this was going to be better. It might be worse. Yeah, it could be a little worse, but it was never good. So we have a new segment.

What is it? In this podcast. Every week, you and I are going to pick captains because Captain Morgan, our friends, the captain will not rest until he has brought his adventurous spirit and delicious rum to every corner of America. Now he's bringing it to this podcast. They have original spice, coconut, pineapple, white, black, grapefruit, whatever you want. They love blending it with stuff.

The rum and ginger, the rum mule is fantastic. The captain loves anyone who learns how to mix like a captain. We're going to pick captains coming out of week two. These are our MVPs of the week. Not even MVPs. They're the captains. They were in charge. My captain is Trevor Simeon of the Denver Broncos.

Did I steal your captain? No, no, no. Okay, good. No. So Lombardi made the case before the season that Trevor Simeon is actually a good quarterback. He was urging me not to take San Diego and Denver in week one because he's like, Trevor Simeon's healthy this year. I actually think he's pretty good.

I'm like, get out of here, Trevor Simeon. Stop. He's been good. Denver is a team that we all kind of subconsciously wrote off. They lost some guys. They weren't that great last year. Defense, home field, quarterbacks making plays. They have two receivers.

Run game is typically you never totally know who's getting the ball, but they're good. And I think he's been really good and kind of eye-opening. I think you go P pats you go steelers broncos raiders ravens if they can get to 10 wins with their d that those are probably five of the six playoff teams i think you can oh okay almost lock them in at this point that that those are your first five unless we have some injuries it's funny i have i didn't do it afc nfc i had uh broncos up there with chiefs ra Raiders, Falcons, Pats.

Chiefs, that's another one. As the top five. We might have our six AFC playoff teams. And I'll tell you, going into this year, I thought the AFC was not going to be good. I thought the sixth seed was going to be 8-8 or worse. And that's not the case at all. You have hard press to find a great NFC team. But Trevor Simeon's a nice captain.

Four touchdowns yesterday against Cowboys defense. You weren't watching the game because you were at the Emmys. But if you had been watching the game, I think you would have. Oh, did you watch the game? Yeah, that one I was watching. Okay. Watching it in the red carpet light? Yeah.

Okay. You're a little afraid of Trevor Simeon. Yeah, sure. Yeah, they get that momentum at home, and it's like no one's going to stop them. C.J. Anderson is running downhill. That 12-yard route to the tight end is open you know i have seven tier one teams heading into week three bats raiders falcons bucks chiefs broncos steelers five of those are afc teams yep then my second tier is just seahawks packers cowboys that's it three nfc teams that have not looked great so far

but i just long term we have to keep them hanging around the top tier. I think mine is the same, but I think you didn't have the Packers in your top seven? No. I had them in. No, because I'm worried about the injuries they've had already. Yeah. And I want to see how that plays out. I think they'll eventually end up there.

And Chiefs versus Broncos, one of those is going to drop down. Right. I don't know. I'd have to look at the schedules and figure it out. All right. Who's your captain, Seth? I have co-captains. Okay, great.

So the first week of this, I have co-captains. Thanks. You mean Tate? No, not Tate Frazier. It's not going to be Tate Frazier. Maybe next week for you guys. But I'm going to give it to Triple G. I'm sorry.

I think he got screwed a little. And for him to be named captain, maybe it eases the pain a little bit. Like I said, 10 out of 12 rounds, he out-slugged Canelo. And I had him 8 rounds to 4 and you'll get him in the rematch, G. My second captain, technically last week, but

started Monday. We talked about Sergio Dipp. ESPN sideline reporter, Sergio Dipp. We didn't get to talk about him. We never did. I think he got a raw deal. Me too. I think he should be on there. They never went back to him after the first time.

Classic ESPN. You could bet on I don't know what site that it's like 10 to 1 odds if you'll ever see him on the sideline or just for the rest of the year. Weeks 3 to 2 to 16. I think they're foolish for not putting him on. I think these games are so bad, he's going to be the only reason people are going to want to watch.

Leave him on the sideline. I'm pro Sergio. It was a triple whammy. They didn't set it up properly that English was not his first language. They threw it at him and he seemed awkward. The internet erupted. And then they just squashed it and pretended it never happened it's like you have to fix this like get them ready come back acknowledge

that that oh man that last one went bad i'm gonna do better this time guys here you can't just but you know bury him it was like goodfellas they just they dug a hole for him also you have worse problems and i'm not sure rex r Ryan English is his first language. Also, he's way off mic. He's having conversations off mic. I think he's already... He had no idea he was on live TV. They should paint the mic like an ice cream cone.

And he'll get much closer. I'm promising that. It felt like him and Beth Mowens had met about three minutes before the game started. They had literally no chemistry at all. Yeah. She wasn't trying to get him to tell stories. It was like there were two ships passing.

And he farted in the booth and she wants nothing to do with it. All right. Captain Morgan. Thank you. The captain. Loves anyone. Yep. Who learns to mix like a captain.

Let's do some week three lines. Can I say something? This is incredible. We are, what do we take? 27 minutes in? About 30 minutes. Not one Patriots mention. Yeah. Not one. Not yet.

What are you waiting? Let's hear it. I guess you put them in your top five. I guess that's it. We'll talk about them when we get there. All right. Hey, some people emailed us. They were mad that the way we were setting up some of the games, they didn't get to play along. My apologies. Year 11, we're trying to keep it fresh

a little bit, but we've got to construct a little bit better. I have the categories. We're good. Thursday night, the Rams. My apologies for this game. The Rams at San Francisco. Oh, man. Jared Goff,

the Washington professional football team, first of all, the Rams should have put in the end zone. They call Robert Woods on a pick play. They get a field goal instead of a touchdown. So now it's 20-20 instead of 24-20. You liked the Rams yesterday. I liked the Rams. I think they're better.

And they just screwed up. Why did they get run on so much? What kind of defense is that? They have over 200 yards. Yeah, Washington's clear. Like, we're not letting Cousins screw this game up. We're just get run on so much? What kind of defense is that? They have over 200 yards. Yeah, Washington's clear. We're not letting Cousins screw this game up. We're just going to run it up the middle. Yeah.

And they just run it all the way down the field. They score. They're up seven, two minutes left. Jared Goff makes me nervous. Sure. But two minutes left, we're like, all right, maybe this will be a good breakout. Down 10, he's not one of your – Down seven.

No, it's like, maybe, who right, maybe this will be a good breakout. Down 10, he's not one of your quarterbacks? No, it's like, maybe, who knows? He's had a couple good throws. Immediate telegraph interception, just horrible. And it would have been a pick six,

but the guy smartly fell down. He gave the Redskins faithful what they wanted. Oh no, that was a Rams home game. And he's still probably the 13th best quarterback in the league. I think there might be like 17 quarterbacks worse than Jerry. I hate this game. I hate it. So I have 49ers by two in the league. Yeah, he might be. I think there might be like 17 quarterbacks worth of journey. Oh, I hate this game. I hate it.

So I have 49ers by two over the Rams. Send this game to London. I hit it exactly, and I'm not proud. Rams by three. Oh, no. Really? Yeah. It's in San Francisco.

Rams are favored by three. I don't know about this one. We always say week two, week three. Be careful, because teams can you might think oh they they're not that good but it turned out they played a really good team or i think the 49ers i liked what i saw from them against in that seattle game sure yeah they defensively they have a quarterback who can't throw for over 100 yards but but they but they they did stuff they they stayed in the game and And then in the first game, which wasn't as good of a performance,

but they did, the coach screwed up some fourth downs and stuff like that. I don't think they're that bad is my point. I don't think they should be a home dog on a Thursday because these Thursday games in general seem like they favor the home teams. I'm rarely going to do this, but don't bet this game. Yeah, don't bet this game. Just don't bet it. And if you're in a pool that's making you choose, just quit the pool.

Don't do it. These Thursdays, there's more injuries in these games. There's more commercials. There's more three and outs. I don't know what it is, but just get rid of it altogether. Bengals-Texans was on last Thursday. It was about as unwatchable as it gets. All right. Sunday Marquee, youatchable as it gets. All right.

Sunday Marquee. You might disagree with this one. I do. What do you have for Sunday Marquee? What's each get a pick? I think it's Tennessee-Seattle. Nah, that was the other one I was looking at. I thought it was Bucs-Vikings.

It's the one I'm the most interested in because if Bradford comes back, and these are two, you could argue, two of the five or six best teams. I want to see the Bucs win a game on the road. It's Tampa at Minnesota. I have the Bucs by three. Well, there's no line.

Because of Bradford. There's no line. Titans-Seahawks, Seattle-Tennessee. I had the Titans by one for that one. So Titans-Seahawks, Seattle at Tennessee. I had the Titans by one for that one. I had Tennessee by two. It's two and a half. So I get this one.

And that's a good game. Tennessee laying two and a half. Yes. And rightfully so, I think. Where do we stand on Tennessee? I've changed my mind seven times. I think they're going to be fun to watch. I think they're the team in the AFC South.

They're minus 110 to win the division. You still go with Houston? No. Yeah. I mean, I think minus 110, that only gets higher and higher. I think I'm at a whiff on Houston. Yeah, me too. Me too.

I'm not happy about it. And they have your team this week. That's going to be ugly. They did take care of business on Thursday night. They are 1-1, but they're going to be 1-2 team this week that's going to be ugly they did take care of business on Thursday night they are 1-1 but they're going to be 1-2 after this week I just feel like you throw the Thursday games out and I meant to look up last year's Thursday games

which ones were wonky and which weren't but I don't know no good that's a bad division so if Tennessee takes care of business in this game that AFC south line shifts to what tennessee minus 250 if houston gets slaughtered by your team yeah colts doesn't even really matter right and jacksonville probably lose it in london against

baltimore yeah yeah 250 no matter what we haven't done this in a while. Let's go through the schedule. We're doing the whole thing. Already trying to figure out the answer. Seattle home at Houston week four. Is that a win? That's a big game. Let's say they're 3-1 after the first four at Miami. Home for Indy at Cleveland.

They could be 5-2 or 6-1 by the break. This is why their odds were good because they had a favorable schedule. Baltimore home, Cincy home, which suddenly looks like the game they're favored by 10. At Pittsburgh's tough. They get Indy again. Houston home. At Arizona. At San Francisco.

Those are two easy wins. Home for Rams, home for Jacksonville. I might have to admit defeat on this. Tennessee's making the playoffs. How do they not get 10 wins now? I don't know. I think Tennessee minus 110 is a smart bet. Let's jump on that.

What do you think, Tate? Yeah, I like that. I like it a lot. That schedule's ridiculous. That was the easiest thing. It was like every bad team they play on the road. Yeah, and now there's teams that we didn't know were bad. Yeah, the Bengals especially.

So we can count on Mariota to something terrible to happen to them within the next seven days. Yeah, and we discussed how as long as Luck is out, Mariota's far and away the best quarterback. I'd like to see him play 16 straight solid games first. Luck's got to be thinking, oh, if I can come back. Did you see how badly they blew that game? I did, and I heard Lombardi's recap.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, it's Pagano and Marvin Lowe. Neck and neck. Neck and neck. Who wants it more? So close. First coach fired.

Who wants it? When the Grim Reaper is circling and they always have the, they fire the offensive or the defensive coordinator, try to stave them off. Right, right, right. So easy gone. Yeah. There was a report that the Bengals locker room,

some guys in there want a Kaepernick. Really? As head coach? Offensive coordinator. It'd be funny if they heard of it as offensive coordinator, like, look, see? Like the old days Pagano could have bought himself a month

I think If he wins that Cardinals game Here's what I don't understand If I'm a shitty team And the Bengals qualify Isn't It's like The case against bringing Kaepernick in

That we keep hearing Is it's a distraction To have him as your backup Who needs a distraction More than the Bengals? Yeah that's true. This would be the greatest distraction ever. They're 0-2.

They're terrible. Everybody thinks they're coaching their QB. That's hopeless. Like, all right, here's Colin Kaepernick. Yeah. Here he is. He saved the season. Everyone's rooting for you now.

Like, I don't know what this team's doing. You know how we don't want people watching us. We're going to have Colin Kaepernick. If you want to do your protest and not watch us, now's a good time. We're not happy with Colin Kaepernick. If you want to do your protest and not watch us, now's a good time. We're not happy with our team. Come on. The other thing is like, well, you can't, it's really hard to bring a quarterback in during this season. It's like, well, your plays

are terrible anyway. Right. And you just change your offensive coordinator. Actually, you should be bringing him in tomorrow. So you're Marvin Lewis. So what do you do? You have one more game with Dalton and it's at Green Bay. I think you got to pack it in with Dalton. And then it's McCarron. I would try McCarron. McCarron at Green Bay. I think you got to pack it in with Dalton. And then it's McCarron. I would try McCarron this week. McCarron at Green Bay. I think Dalton's lost the team.

Right. We've seen this happen too many times. And FYI, Colin Kaepernick lost the 49ers for like three straight years. Like he was not good the last three years. You can throw any stat you want. All I know is you and I were betting against him. And it's like Bortles yesterday.

Bortles was awful. And then in the fourth quarter when they're way down, he put up his huge garbage time stats as always. Typical Bortles yesterday. Bortles was awful. And then in the fourth quarter, when they're way down, he put up his huge garbage time stats as always. Typical Bortles. Hey, we have a London game this week, Sal. Yeah, we do. Good times. You know, they almost would have been nice if Jacksonville had beat Tennessee.

Like, hey, we're sending two 2-0 teams to London. Right. Well, we're not doing that. It is the Ravens against the Jaguars in the city of London. The city of London. The city of London. The city of London. That's right. That's a city, right?

I know. I've got to check my geography. I have the Ravens by four. You're going to be closer. I had six, and it's four and a half. Great. It's a home game for the Jaguars. Jaguars home game, technically.

Man. How little is that, Matt? What do they do? I just love that they're the team of London. It's amazing. Of all teams that we give them, the Jaguars. Right. They said like it's Bortles and Wayne Rooney are the two top-selling jerseys.

Do they refuse to sell Ravens memorabilia at the game because it's a Jags home game? Yes, absolutely. How long do they take that? How far do they take it? Ravens defense is good. They lost yet another dude yesterday. Another key guy for them, Marshall Yonda. Yeah, the guard.

Yep. He was a blue chipper in the Lombardi pod, right? Yeah, he was. That's a tough one. Broken ankle. Knowing that dude, they'll probably just staple that thing together. He'll be out there for like week six. Offensive linemen have a different pain tolerance.

How about a guy? Like, hey, Marshall, you can play, but we have to cut your leg off. He's like, do it. Take it off. It's worth it. We're in London. Brandon Carr, by the way,

for the Ravens, two picks. My buddy, the Parley kid, points out, I don't think in six years he had two picks with the Cowboys,

but good job. All he did was like show up to play. How did the... We should mention, you host against all odds with cousin sal our hit gambling podcast how did trifecta do last week trifecta two of them uh did poorly one of them the the one you know so you inspired this uh bit called um it's based on

shark tank except i think we're gonna call it sharp tank sharp tank i like it where the uh smart they pitch their the trifecta pitch is their best bet and you have to Tank. I like it. Smart. They pitch their, the trifecta pitches their best bet to me. And you have to decide whether you like it. I have to decide. And the one I pick is the- Can I be a guest judge on Sharp Tank with you? You should. We could probably pitch, yeah.

Yeah. Sneak in with, yeah. All right, great. An 18 parlay, seven of them hit going into last night at the Packers. Oh! We go against it at that point. Yeah, you go against it. Who had that one?

The parlay kid? The parlay kid. That's why they call him the parlay kid. Yeah, that's right. That last night, yesterday was, I I think 8-0 in the early games for the Moneyline Parleys for favorites. We should have made a ton. What did we do?

I had the Chargers with the – I went 1-2 in my column and would have been 2-1 if Coup made the field goal. And I think there might be a BS report curse. I'm getting emails about it. With Dave Roberts and C and uh and both of them went into a free fall hopefully ku can work his way out of it but it was it was basically like uh i don't know minus 129 raiders seahawks chargers but if you put sterling k brown in there it was plus 142 oh nice and he won but the charges we had on our make-believe prop Sterling K. Brown minus half a win over the Cleveland Browns on Sunday.

Oh. And Sterling K. pulled it out. That's a good one. Yeah. I like it. Quick break to talk about Gillette. Did you know the tip of a Gillette razor blade is measured on an atomic scale, meaning their blade edges are thinner than a single brain cell? The precision is the work of many brain cells. Hundreds of members of Gillette's research and development team have spent over 4,700

years combined working to make your shave closer and more comfortable. That's longer than the Egyptian pyramids have been around. So while over a thousand craftsmen and women in Boston are busy making your blades, another team is putting your blades through more than 60 extremely strict and precise quality checks. I shaved with one today. You did? I shaved my beard today. I was bored of looking for it.

Thank you. Fall. Failed just one of those tests and it doesn't leave the factor. In other words, the hardworking people at Gillette never stop working to make your blades better. And now, that includes the price tag. You can get Gillette blades at their lowest prices in years. And you can do it during a week when the Pats are double-digit favorites in Gillette Stadium.

See for yourself at GilletteOnDemand.com. Gillette, the best a man can get. Pricing applies to select products and is at the sole discretion of the retailer. Should we, you know, let's go to the barely watchables. We'll save the poopfecta for the next category. Pats, home in Gillette Stadium. The best a team can get, they got the Texans coming in who are reeling a little bit.

I had the Pats favored by 12. Who do you have? You got it. I said 10. I don't know why I said 10. It should have gone higher. 13. 13.

So you're going to get that one. And, yeah, they beat up on this team. Can that drop to 12.5 so we can put it in three teams? We may have to throw a two-team seven-pointer in there or something. Let's talk about your team. Let's hear it. You're happy. Okay. I have a couple. I'd like

to throw a couple caution flags. Okay. The Texans played the Patriots really well last january and osweiler basically they had a puncher's chance at an upset but that should have been a three-point game and their quarterback killed them but their defense that was about as well as anyone's played the pats this year the pats are banged up they have no receivers left even yesterday like uh dorsett got hurt and he was really good in that game.

He started with three. Gron pulled a groin. Hogan, they showed him four different times limping around. And Amendola's out. I'm concerned. I don't think they have enough receivers for this game. Look, they're going to get super creative. They'll put Burkhead in the backfield with Deion Lewis,

and they'll do multiple tight ends and fullback spread out wide and all this stuff but it's gonna have to get pretty gimmicky and I think against the Texans they're gonna have trouble my recommendation would be

not to put this in a parlay or tease even if it gets to 12 and a half and I'm gonna text you on like Friday hey

let's put the pad don't just delete the text cause I'm really concerned about the receivers. But Burkhead is a recent. Like, they figured it out. I think he had 11 snaps in game one.

They figured it out against the worst defense in the league. Right. This is a totally different defense. All right. All right. I think you win this game. I think we win. I don't think it's a typical, oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. We're home. It'll be great. They're banged up. Look, I think this is what you want out of your team. I think there's three things you look for in a team when they play. You want a convincing win. You got that. You want no injuries. So, okay, you got a receiver

banged up or so. And you want a breakout player. And this Dietrich Weiss, where did he come from all of a sudden? What did he have, five? Lombardi was calling him all summer yeah he was yeah he was five quarterback Rivers blew out his ACL but those

those two guys they were counting on Rivers was a third round the right linebacker yeah you got your three right there some interesting stuff going on with them I as somebody who's followed Belichick pretty intently for the last 17 years so Malcolm Butler didn't start yesterday hmm as somebody who's followed Belichick pretty intently for the last 17 years.

So Malcolm Butler didn't start yesterday. They started Eric Rowe over him, who's not as good as Malcolm Butler. There's no scenario where he's better. And you could argue, oh, they need more size to go against Michael Tom. Whatever. I'm predicting a Malcolm Butler trade in the next three weeks. Really? Yeah. I have no inside info whatsoever.

Nothing. Not a whisper from anybody. Just feels a little Jamie Collins-ish. Like last year, yeah. Yeah. Where Jamie Collins is like, I want a new contract. And they're like, eh. And then they don't like a couple things.

And all of a sudden, he's gone. For like Jordy Nelson or something, right? Yeah, or. You'll get like the best whatever. Well, what they really need is somebody in the front seven yeah i guess but um i don't know something something stinks a little getting a scent from this i could see them flipping them or for like a third rounder a second rounder i think he's relatively easy tate is he easy to trade yeah i think he's like that qualifier thing yeah exactly he has to worry about his qualifying. What week was Collins traded last year?

Right around, it was like week four, week five. Week five. Yeah. Belichick, the moment he feels, and he did this with Collins and it was borne out, the moment he feels like you're thinking about your next contract, you're not 100%, but you're out. He doesn't wait. He doesn't try to coach you out of it.

I just wanted to talk about Tom Brady. This speaks to his greatness, and you won't see this in any stat. And no one was beating him. The way he's got these refs under his thumb. First it was the, what do you call it, the pick play. And they throw a

flag and he's like, no, no, no, no, no. You didn't see a pick play. And Romo did a nice job analyzing that he's like no it's it's legal at the line of scrimmage a yard off it's not legal i just don't like it it's just too hard to call and yeah i just don't like it and the patriots insinuated to get the benefit of the doubt then the 12 men on the field thing's like no no i didn't just throw an interception yeah it was interception because there was 12 men on the field like don't even try challenging it even though every replay shows there were 11 guys on.

How does he do it? I don't want to spend five minutes every week on this podcast praising Romo. But it was unbelievable having him announce your favorite team's game. Really? We enjoyed it so much. I watched Kevin Brady, a couple other people came over yesterday. He's so solid, right? When Brady did that pass pass all of us were like

what the hell what was that like the only way he waited he's like ah maybe he knew it was 12 men on the field he said the only way that's possible is if it was 12 men on the field and then then it was but he was picking stuff all game he's just really he just made me smarter some of the defenses he was talking about is like's like, oh, if the cornerback's there, you got to do this. I felt like I learned more about football. Here's what he needs to work on. Because the problem with Romo right now as an analyst is Jim Nance was with Sims for the last 10 years

and just went into a coma. And now he has this guy who's this fountain of information and opinions. And Jim Nance, it's like we have to reactivate his brain. He's like Tom Hanks in Castaway, learning how to socialize again. So it's a blowout the last six minutes. It's like just Romo should be unbelievable. But he was actually bad during the blowout. Oh, really?

Because he was starting to get punchy. And Nance couldn't figure out how to engage him. And they're showing the schedule at one point for um are you saying romo can't finish the game i thought that's what this is leading to i just want to beat you to it no i i think nance has to work on last six minutes of this is a blowout how do i engage to oh nance okay hey tony some teams need a quarterback right now. Right. Arizona, Cincinnati.

There's no way. You're not going to leave me now, partner, are you? Just do that stuff. That'll be fun. They should bet on weird things. It looks like they're going in that direction anyway. Yeah. When there's downtime.

Nance definitely is the guy who married the high school girlfriend and they broke up in his late 40s, and now he's got this hot new girlfriend. Oh, my God. Whoa. An original point. Oh, my God. He's making fun of my golf swing.

I love it. So we went from that, and then the next game we watched, it was like Chris Spielman. Just now we're back to the, well, that guy's a football player. Oh, yeah. That guy is a football player. It's yeah. That guy is a football player. It's like a lot of that. It's like, oh, man, I miss Romo.

Can Romo nuts every game? He should finish the one game, and they should just have him by satellite during the next game. I agree. And throw in some Sergio dip, and you have a nice little combination. Sergio. Bring back Sergio. All right.

Carolina home for the New Orleans Saints, who we just talked about. I had the Panthers laying four and a half. What'd you have? You're going to get this one, too. It was six, and it went to five and a half. I had four. So four and a half is good enough. Carolina, I favor by five and a half.

Panthers, four and a half. Saints? Yeah, I would take the Saints. You'd take the Saints? Yeah. I don't feel good. I think the defense can't hold up like they have so far against Breeze. That's tough.

Usually we cross teams off. You hit on it a little earlier. Are the Saints a cross off if they go 0-3? If they lose this? We know heading into week three, we've been here a million times, the 0-2 teams play with an extra level of... No, right. I know. I say if they go 0-3

and they're in the division that we think three playoff teams are coming I think 9-7 can get a wild card in the NFC. I don't think there's six 10-win teams. Maybe, but they have to play those good teams over and over. True. I just don't think they're good. I mean, that would be a good reason to cross them off. Right.

But... Not yet. All right. I think they have to strongly consider trading Breeze. I don't know how hard it is to do this contract and whether that's impossible, but he's 38. What the hell are you doing with him? Could you get a first-rounder for him?

Right. Could Jacksonville give up a first-rounder for him? Breeze for Butler. Do you do it straight up? You'd make him our backup? Maybe as a wide receiver. Where's the other thing? All right, here's Garoppolo.

What if the Jags said, we'll give you next year's first rounder and the first rounder after that for Garoppolo right now? What do the Pats do? What do we think anyone offered for – because I feel like the Browns did offer. They offered like the 12th pick and like a third rounder for him. Yeah. Yeah. They've been very stubborn.

Very stubborn. I don't blame you. Steelers are at Chicago. Yep. very stubborn i don't blame you steelers are at chicago yep i i'm gonna cross off that chicago performance i think they're gonna be a little more frightening at home than on the road i had pittsburgh laying six and a half in chicago would you have i had seven and it's seven and a half and you love this on a teaser. You love it. I'm a little scared of Chicago. They have some playmakers.

Howard was hurt this week. I think the game got away from him. This guy, Tate the Snake Frazier, is salivating. He knows it's Mitch time. He knows it is. I kind of don't want it to be Mitch. I want him to wait it out. Just have a bad year, and then, you know, it's like redshirt. Pull a Blake Griffin, sit the year out, and then come back next year refreshed.

I feel the opposite. Get him out there. Let him take his lumps. Yeah, of course. Let him take the lumps. Let him do it. He's not ready. Because then the Chicago fans will turn on him too quick.

The problem with that. They're too fickle. It's going to happen. Who are their top two receivers now that Kevin White's out? It's a shit show. Yeah. And Meredith's out. Yeah.

Meredith's out. They lost their top two receivers. So it's just a lot of screen passes anyway. Maybe you do hold on to them. Or try to trade for a receiver. Green Bay home against either Indy Dalton or AJ McCarron in the Bengals. But they're super banged up. We have no idea what level of injuries are going to be in play by Sunday.

I had the Packers by 8.5. Wow. That's exactly what it is. I thought it was 11. I thought it was 11. I think it's 11 if they're... You're going to Lambeau, a team that hasn't scored a touchdown. Too many injuries. They have not scored a touchdown.

0-2? Yeah. It probably will be close, but I'm just... Now that I see the line is 8.5, but I don't know. I guess maybe Marvin Lewis is 15th year. I guess you have to suspect he'll get it together. The best thing about Marvin Lewis now is he has the old man, I don't give a shit, pot belly.

You look at him, he's just like, yeah. Hey, you working out today, Marvin? Nah, I'll be in around 1030. Marvin is at Green Bay, at Cleveland, and versus Buffalo. I think he needs two of those three to keep his job midseason. If you're the Colts, are you better off firing Pagano, or are you better off having him steer the ship? Colts or Bengals?

No, I'm thinking first coach fired between Pagano and Lewis. Yeah. If you're the Colts, you're almost better off keep Chuck Pagano. He single-handedly lost week two. You should have won. That was so bad. This guy's great. This guy might get a Sam Darnold. Then we can flip Sam Darnold for like four first round picks.

That's interesting. Maybe he gets an extension as a result. Yeah. Like Chuck. We'd like to double down on Chuck. We really believe in him. Last barely watchable game. This is a good game. You know what? this probably should be in the watchables category but uh i have the chargers hosting the kansas city chiefs who took care of

business again last week or yesterday i have the chiefs's three point favorites in san diego it's in san diego right it's in it's no it's in la i, right? No, it's in L.A. I mean L.A. Yeah. And you hit it exactly again. It's three. I said four. I thought a little higher.

How many Chiefs fans did this game? 40% Dolphins fans. Every single one of them. How many Dolphins fans do we collectively know? I know two. I know, I think I know two also. How many Chiefs fans do you know? I know a producer, Trevor, is a Chiefs fan. I don't know that too also how many Chiefs fans do you know I know

a producer Trevor is a Chiefs fan I don't know that John Hamm is a Chiefs fan he acted like he was after they beat the Patriots and he I don't think John Hamm

he doesn't know what he is at this point he's just all over the map yeah I don't even think he knows what car company he's doing ads for at this point

he's a Mercedes Audi BMW whatever is it German I'm in I'll do the VO the Hatsu this point he's a mercedes outing with bmw whatever is it german i'm in i'll do the hatu charade he's all over it yeah i'll see if he shows up at the game so you're saying as many chiefs fans at that game as there were dolphins fans and it might be less oh less okay i would say there's probably more dolphins fans out there in america than chiefs fans because it was a 70s bandwagon team. Yeah, probably.

I'm with you. But at this point, I don't know. I mean, you might see just 20,000 fans. I'm prepared for it to be a depressing experience. One last break to talk about Bluehost, a top-rated website provider powering over 2 million websites for bloggers or small business owners. Bluehost has everything you need to build, host, and manage the personal or small business website you've always wanted. Design your website your way without being limited by templates. Simple enough for beginners.

Powerful enough for even the most advanced users. Fully customized templates. Third-party app support. A 99% uptime guarantee. Maximum security, including malware monitoring and protection and automatic secure WordPress installs, not to mention 24-7 tech support, online resources, expert services. It's been the top recommended WordPress host on WordPress.org since 2005.

Bluehost makes hosting your website stress-free, and now you can get back to what matters most. That's right, gambling. Yeah. your website stress-free and now you can get back to what matters most that's right gambling yeah now our listeners say 50 when you sign up at bluehost.com slash bluehost.com slash bill simmons so do that right now all right the poop factor i usually like when there's three and there's only really two horrible games unless you count the l London game. First one, Indianapolis. Home for the Browns of Cleveland. That is an awful game. It's so bad.

Wow. Send them to London. Let them get three games this year, this week. Rams, 49ers, Cleveland Indy, and Baltimore Jackson. This would be a good game. I was thinking about the Madden 2018 technology. Yeah. How they had the announcers pre-record a whole bunch of stuff. Oh, interesting.

And then they had the automated announcers. Yeah. I would rather have automated Romo for this game than really anything else that I'd want from this game. I have Indy laying two and a half points to Cleveland. What do you have? I had Indy laying two. And the Browns are favored on the road by one and a half.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. When was the last time the Browns were favored on the road by one and a half. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. When was the last time the Browns were favored on the road? That's a very good question. I should have looked that up. Like Belichick was the coach? It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be.

The Browns are favored on the road? It's probably Butch Davis days, like 2003 or something. Yeah, right in there. Oh, when they had Derek Anderson? Yeah. Yeah, 2007, Derek Anderson. like 2003 or something yeah right in there oh and they had like derrick anderson yeah yeah 2007 derrick anderson a buddy of ours uh that uh maybe worked for the browns it's not lombardi i swear it isn't um wanted to point out that hugh jackson is 2 and 22 as a head coach and you you will not find any worse than that i looked i looked it up all these raiders guys that you think were bad

2 and 22 wow pretty spectacular There's been some bad records. That's way up there. Yeah. That's it. That's the one. It was the rare coaching hire that made two teams worse because it made the Bengals worse, too. He was clearly a great offensive coordinator

to make whatever happened with the Bengals happen. Then he goes to the Browns, and they're overmatched. All right, the other poop fact of the game. Yeah, you could be a good offensive coordinator, not a great coach. Do we have to buy Shaq's rap albums? He's a great basketball player. Not everyone's like Tate.

Tate's a great podcast producer and also a very good podcast host. Not everyone can do two things. Some people are just Charlie Weiss. Yeah, that's it. Jets have a home game. They're the other member of the poop fact of this week. They're hosting Jay Cutler and the Miami Dolphins

Oh my god I don't think I'm going to watch One minute of this game I'd like to not watch one minute of either of these games But if the Jets are up Like 13 to 12 With 5 minutes left on my flip over Anyway I have Dolphins by 6

I have 6 also It's 6 and a half So you like the Dolphins and Steelers on the teaser. We know that. I'm not teasing Jay Cutler. I don't trust him. I will never trust him. It's not happening.

Can I say this? The Jets, for a 25-point loss, the Jets were a little more impressive than I thought they would be. They went down a touchdown, and then the punt returner fumbles it inside his 10. Somehow it doesn't go out of bounds. He's like straddling the sidelines, hits him in the chest, and recovered by the Raiders, and they go up. The Jets were getting the ball. If they're down seven with the ball, obviously they're going to get beat anyway,

but they hung in that game. It might say more about the Raiders' defense. Yeah, maybe it is. They might just not have a defense. Maybe that's it. Another thing I was wrong about, Marshawn Lynch. Maybe he just not have a defense. Maybe that's it. Another thing I was wrong about. Yeah. Marshawn Lynch.

Maybe he'll play for four months. I thought he was going to be gone by week seven, but it seems like he's invigorated. Really good dancer. Dancing with the Stars starts tonight. It's too late. I think he knows it's too late. By the way, I went on Francesca's show for an hour on Friday. Oh, yeah.

Someone said I didn't listen. Was it good? He was going to do the picks. I was like, let me stay on. I want to do the picks with you. I became the first person who wasn't dogged to ever do the picks with him and subsequently went 0-3. Oh, you did?

Yeah. I did 0-3. I had the Jaguars, the Rams, and the Chargers. And Mike went 3-0. Did he? Yeah. He might have you on every week now. You may have to do this every week. Oh, he loved it. If he went 3-0, here's a good luck charm. Well, I'm embarrassed.

I'd like to apologize to the Tri-State area. You're embarrassed. Jaguars, the rest of the teams you took. Well, that was part of the problem. I see. I didn't like this week, and it just seemed like a lot of the favorites were in the cover, and that's kind of what happened, right? I went a lot of road teams

this week. I think I played you in ZFL. You must have crushed me. I got killed. Oh no, you had to kill me. Oh really? I was like 5 and 10 or something. I would take 5 and 10. Alright, the watchables. We got four games in this category. I can't believe this is a watchable game, but I like it.

Buffalo home for the Denver Broncos. i'm really impressed by buffalo i think they have a good coach lombardi was calling it in august even when they were trading ronald darby and sammy walkins lombardi's like mcdermott's a good coach that team's gonna follow him he's a leader and uh they really almost beat carolina yeah they came the guy arguably should have caught at the ricky. The degenerate trifecta. Everybody had Carolina on a money line. Everybody.

So that last play, and the degenerate trifecta, the guys I have on my pocket, a sick bunch, they watch it in slow motion. They watch the last play. And Zay Jones gets turned around. I mean, he looks wide open if you watch in slow motion. And yeah, they would have won that game. Unbelievable.

I had the Broncos by three. And I actually, you know what? I'm going to say three and a half. I'm Unbelievable. I had the Broncos by three and I actually you know what I'm going to say three and a half. I'm changing that. Oh. Broncos by three and a half. Are you allowed to do that? Yeah. Alright good I'm glad you did because it's three and I also I also had three and a half. I'm so

stupid. This is the this might be the sucker bet of the week right? I would be very careful of Denver in this game. Do not bet on Denver. Traveling East. Stay away. You don't want to just put money on Buffalo. I know they're better than I thought.

I really thought they and the Jets were tanking it, and that's a miserable AFC East because two teams are tanking it. And McCoy didn't do much. I don't think he hit double digits in rushing yards. Well, part of the problem is they don't have any receivers. So I think they're just like, you're not beating us, McCoy. Which is probably what Denver's going to do. But this looks like a Michael Conrad memorial.

Let's be careful out there. I would stay away. Stay away from that one. We have a lot of home favorites. I mean, our home dogs this week. Here's another one.lanta is at detroit i believe atlanta is favored i said atlanta by three you should have said three and a half because that's what i said okay well it is this is one of those where depending on what happens tonight with the lions and the giants the lions go into giant stadium and win tonight i think this line settles at three. They'll go down.

But good news for Falcons here. The Falcons. Dome. Oh, another dome. I like when dome teams play in a dome. I think it's good for them. They're in Chicago. That's a different story.

But just going into the Silver Dome, whatever it's called now. What are the Ford Dome? What's it called, Tate? I think they gave it to Ford. Yeah, I think it's Ford. Last watchable game. I actually like the slate this week. Whatever it's called now. What are the Ford Dome? What's it called? I think they gave it to Ford. Yeah, I think it's Ford. Yeah. Last watchable game. I actually like the slate this week.

I think there's no marquee awesome games, but there's a bunch of games I'm interested in. This last one. Oh, we did it already. Tennessee, Seattle. No, we didn't do Giants, Philly. That's right. Eagles, home. Right.

For the Giants. And again, we don't know with this Giants team. They might score nine points today, and everybody might be calling for Eli to get benched. Who knows? I had the Eagles by three. Do we split this? Yeah, we do. I had it by four. It's three and a half. I don't know what to make of it. Eli hasn't scored 20 points since Hillary was giving a concession speech.

Wow. Is that right? Something like that, yeah. Do you think one has something to do with the other? Maybe he's like, I'm with her, I'm with Eli. Are you depressed by that? Yeah, I don't know. Lock him up. Yeah.

Get Eli in jail. Get him in bars. I just think the Giants fans, I think if we're living in an alternate universe where Eli has no Super Bowls, it's a Carson Palmer slash Andy Dalton discussion about Eli right now. People are like, is Eli a starting quarterback anymore? But the two Super Bowls have bought him an unbelievable amount of cachet.

And when Odell comes back, from what I've seen, he looks like he has passed his prime. But we'll see. We'll see tonight. I know Lombardi doesn't like the eagles and uh i hate to pick against my team but plus 240 to win a division they kind of look like the most solid team eagles yeah i can't do doug peterson no i think nine and seven could win your division this year could we didn't talk about some of the weird shit that happened with

your team yesterday. No. Everyone, all the white sports writers were very upset about the the Ezekiel Elliott quitting on

All the white sports writers? I don't know. I was just trying to start a race controversy. Yeah, I know. I think it was just a lot of different people. He took one playoff

that was 30 yards behind him. Yeah, what was he going to do? Chase the guy down from 30 yards behind? Yeah. And they made that. They could do that to 10 players on almost every play. Garrett kind of threw Dak under the bus a little.

Yeah, not kind of. Yeah, it was a little bit. It was a slight shove. Yeah. Didn't like that. No, it's never his fault. Never his fault. Like these guys pointed out,

they punted on fourth and three down 18. When is he planning on getting in this game? Is Dez the same Dez? They threw to him a lot. I don't know. This is as good a lockdown as you're going to have on Dez with this Denver defense. It's secondary.

Sunday night, Washington at home for the Oakland Raiders. I'm actually excited for this game. This will be fun. I have Oakland favored by three on the road. What do you have? I said three also. Three and a half. I wasn't too impressed by Washington.

They lost Fat Rob, fractured his rib, it looks like. The Rams were dying to give that game away. They fell behind 13-0 and somehow got it to 20-20. I didn't love what I saw from Washington. I'm suffering with cousins in two leagues, fantasy leagues, and I'm 0-4 combined. Who's happy with their fantasy quarterback right now? Yeah, that's true.

I guess you're happy with Brady. Happy with Matt Ryan, who went for like seven bucks in our league. Yeah, that's true. Is there anyone? Yeah, Matt Ryan, I guess. Yeah, not Ty Taylor. Yeah. Monday night, yet another road favorite.

So we have, let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten road favorites? Is that possible? Seven. Ten road favorites? Yes, this is the tenth. my god it's a lot i might not gamble this week watch your tone ten ten home dogs this week oh my lord i'm staying away monday night arizona has a home game and dallas is coming to town you might have 50 000 dallas

fans of this game oh that's true i'm ainals fan, I'm like, my tickets are on secondary market. Please take them. I went to a preseason game, Dallas at Arizona, three years ago, and it was probably 25 Cardinals fans in the whole time. It's going to be less than this one. I have the Cowboys laying three and a half to Arizona. You did well this week. I had four and a half. It is three and a half You did well this week I had four and a half

It is three and a half Can that Yesterday's game count As one of Zeke's Suspension games Since he did Kind of take off A lot of it

I was going to ask you About that I mean I know The NFO PA Has a job to You beat me Well If we both get credits for ties,

you beat me 10 to nine. Would they have been better off just letting the suspension happen now? I mean, like starting week one through week six. Giants home at Denver, at Zona, home for the Rams, home for Green Bay by week at San Francisco.

I would have rather he missed those games and then came back. If you think nine and seven wins a division, it might be, but McFadden's banged up too, so not a lot of great options. It's a shame you didn't sign Adrian Peterson. Yeah. Not just because he would have fit in with the character weirdness on your team. Your new favorite owner, Jerry Jones.

Oh, God bless that dude, man. I love it. Not so fast, Commissioner Goodell. You can picture him after his 17th bourbon and soda. They're being like, why are we paying this guy $44 million a year? What the hell? This guy makes more than me. I can't believe this.

Goodell's like, oh, I was so close to no one noticing that I'm a zillionaire from this. I've screwed up nine straight sagas in a row. I was so close to nobody putting it together that I'm completely wildly overpaid. That's a fun little wrinkle there. Jerry Jones. America sides with Jerry Jones in this, right? Who's going to be like, no, I like Goodell. Sure.

What do you mean, just sides with him? Well, if this turns into a high profile feud which it feels like it could potentially not if you have Kraft and Jones against Goodell right

there's a chance like I watched Goodfellas this weekend which is I hadn't seen in a while and it's just extraordinary I almost feel like if we did a rewatchables

pod about it it'd have to be like three parts yeah there's so much so much greatness in it Lombardi would have 17 hours on it

you wouldn't be able to Lombardi would have 17 hours on you wouldn't be lombardi's only seen four movies there's two godfathers brockstale good good times each yeah um billy batts just disappears right he's just gone they're like what happened to billy batts last time we saw him he's with jimmy and tommy and uh and henry at a bar getting drunk and somebody insulted somebody and now he's missing. I wonder where he is.

And the guy with the glasses was in his crew and still wasn't there. And why'd the crew leave? Well, he's dead now for real. Phil Leotardo

and Frank Vincent. R.I.P. Rest in peace. Didn't make the memoriam. I think Goodell could be a Billy Batts situation. Where's Goodell? It is weird because

Kraft and I think the Cowboys and Patriots are probably the two most hated teams in the league. But if Kraft and Jones team up against Goodell, you might go with evil. Goodell would tap into the Damaris and Biscotti from the Ravens. He'd go in a couple of his

and then it would turn into a nuclear war. That's fun. Let's do it. That's how this plays out. I love it. Rich, old rich white guys feeding one another. Fewer concussions this way. It'd be great. What do you got to plug this week, Sal? Against all odds, me and my degenerate trifecta, we break down the fight, NFL, college football.

They're going to offer me their best bets, sharp tank. Sharp tank. Special guest, Carrot Top. Let's see what Carrot Top has for us. Jimmy Kimmel Live, Tonight Julie Bowen, Camille Nanjiani, Fall Out Boy, later in the week Kirsten Dunst, Kira Sedgwick, Halle Berry, Al Franken, lots to go on. I'll have my best bet later in the week.

I went one and one on the ringer. You can catch it on Facebook, Twitter all over the place I'd like to end our Monday podcast before we sign off with our parent story of the week what is it?

I don't know I just think we should have a parent story of the week every week parent? oh our parent no as parents I wasn't prepared for this

a story about our kids I know I'm going to do it this week and next week you can do it okay good so my daughter had this teacher that she loved named Nick who was like in charge of of the playground he babysit for us a couple times

like crazy over-the-top guy lovable he's on love connection really goes on love connection the andy cohen they brought back love connection and he's one of the three people who are trying to get a date with this girl from Jersey. It's actually a pretty entertaining show. So we watch it last night. Who hosts Love Connection even? It's Andy Cohen. Oh, it is Andy Cohen.

So we watch it last night. And the three contestants, they start. They're telling a little something about themselves. And Nick's like, I'm a guy that loves MILFs. That's his starter. He's 27. I love MILFs. That's his starter. He's 27. I love MILFs. I used to work at this school.

And my favorite part of working there was when the carpool line, when the moms would come in. I'm looking at Karen like, what the hell? You've texted with this guy. Now I'm suspicious of Nick. This guy's babysitting our kids. He loves MILFs. So then it goes. It goes he the date's a disaster and then she so my daughter's like having a seizure watching this

like she just can't believe this so then the date's going badly and uh and the girl goes and then we're at dinner and he starts talking about his penis and how big it is. Oh, come on. My daughter's having a stroke. Oh, what is that about? What is that? I'm like, my wife thinks it's hilarious. Is he a biology teacher? What does he teach? I don't know what to tell you, Sal.

It was pretty, it was an emotionally scarring dad moment. Love connection. Not as good story, but my son, my 12-year-old, his science teacher is posting crazy pictures of herself on Instagram by the pool at Caesars. Oh, no. And my wife dug him up, and now he's really embarrassed by it because I don't know what he's doing with these pictures, but he wants us, he needs us to stop talking about it immediately, and it's all we want to talk about. So we go head-to-head with this. I don't know how it's going to end. Tate, what did you think of the first episode of Parent Corner?

That was amazing. Should we get a sponsor? I've never had teachers like that in my life. That's awesome. Hey, listen, sponsor available for Parent Corner. Thanks to the Black Tux, high-quality rental suits and tuxedos delivered to your doorstep. The Black Tux gives you a new way to rent.

Plus, with their free home try-on, you can see the fit and feel the quality of your suit months before your event. The best part, completely done online. To get $20 off your purchase, visit theblacktux.com slash BS for $20 off. Thanks to Blue House. Whether you're a blogger or a small business owner, Blue House has everything you need to build, host, and manage the website you've always wanted. Simple enough for beginners. Powerful enough for even the most advanced users. Design your website your way.

And now, our listeners save 50% when you sign up at bluehost.com slash bluehost.com slash Bill Simmons. Don't forget to subscribe to Against All Odds with Cousin Sal. Yeah, do it. You can hear the trifecta. Don't forget about GM Street on the Ringer NFL show with Tate Frazier and Lombardi. Don't forget to go to theringer.com and thanks to captain morgan's yeah i'm excited to see who the next captain is i'll tell you who the captain isn't going to be next week who nick the teacher collects milfs he's out he's out this is not babysitting my kids again nick i may have to

name him captain what if you i don't know if you, I don't know. If you name him Captain, I can't stop you. All right. Good job by you. Good job by you. That is crazy. That is crazy. I feel it's within On the wayside I'm a bruised soul

I never was And I don't have To be