The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Week 6 With Cousin Sal (Ep. 270)

Episode Date: October 9, 2017

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the Cowboys' collapse (5:00), Aaron Rodgers's MVP odds (9:00), Big Ben's abysmal performance (14:00), the impact of injuries to Odell Beckham Jr. and J.J. Watt (23:00), the Seahawks' struggling offense (26:00), potential trades for the Jaguars (31:00), Eagles-Panthers (34:00), Chiefs-Steelers (38:00), Dolphins-Falcons (44:00), Packers-Vikings (50:30), MLB playoffs (55:00), and another edition of "Parent Corner" (58:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network with the bummed out Cousin Sal. It's like old times. Oh, yeah. Brought to you by SeatGeek, our presenting sponsor. Buy and sell tickets. Two taps on your phone. Everything fully guaranteed.

Football fans, $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase on NFL tickets. Use promo code BSNFL. Download the SeatGeek app or go right to SeatGeek.com. We're also brought to you by Gillette, a Gillette razor blade edge thinner than a single brain cell. That's the product of many brain cells that work from thousands of men and women at Gillette. Always working harder to make your shave better. Now you can get Gillette blades for less at GilletteOnDemand.com. Sal, it's the best man I can get.

Oh, yeah. Pricing applies to select products. Sole discretion of the retailer. We also are brought to you by Against All Odds, Cousin Sal's gambling podcast. How's the scenario going on this week to do an NBA Futures? Let's do it. Let's knock it out.

Let's make some people some money. Yeah, we're going to do that. A lot to cover. How'd the trifecta do this week? One of them won. Brother Brian went 4-5 on his college parlay, and Harry blew it on the Giants. Well, Brother Bill lost everything this weekend. Oh, I of them won. Brother Brian went four to five on his college parlay, and Harry blew it on the Giants. Well, Brother Bill lost everything this weekend.

Oh, I heard about that. We're going to talk about that. Yeah. Finally, we're brought to you by Let's Play 2, a documentary film that chronicles Pearl Jam's legendary performances at Wrigley during the historic 2016 Cubs season. The film captures Pearl Jam's incredible 25-year career showcases a special relationship between the cubs and lifelong fan eddie vetter soundtrack available now it's in

the theaters now it's on fs1 on october 13th it's available on dvd and blu-ray on november 17th go to let's play to film.com or pearljam.com for more details. Here they are. Cousin Sal in the house. I don't know where to begin. Mike Pence ruined Peyton Manning's special day Oh man I think he had diarrhea

And left early That's what he should say Retroactively Right Peter King Look we've all had Bad takes over the years Peter King wrote this whole piece

About how Mike Pence ruined Peyton Manning's special day You think it was a bad take? I don't know if that was The takeaway I would have had yesterday in an obvious political stunt. And the whole thing was ridiculous. No, but it is weird when everyone says,

stay in your lane, stick to sports, and then the political guys are ruining sports. That was completely what they did. Like, yeah, you stick to governing or whatever. He's blindsided that people... I also think the Dolphins offensive line coach ruined Peyton Manning's special day. Yeah, he stick to governing or whatever you do. He's blindsided that people... I also think the Dolphins offensive line coach ruined Peyton Manning's special day. Yeah, he might have too.

And Ben Roethlisberger ruined it a little bit. A lot of people ruined Peyton Manning's special day. Cam Newton ruined it by playing well. What is it with the offense? First of all, who's doing cocaine anymore? Is the other thing. I was stunned by that. Who does it like old school rolling up the dollar bills?

If I were him, I'd be like, you know what? know what dolphins are glory years with the early 80s under merino i want to bring that back and uh also in the early 80s cocaine was big and i'm the offensive line coach it makes sense that i'm snorting cocaine well i think he blew it yeah he might have uh i was thinking today in the car, have the Dolphins this decade, is this the most exciting offensive line anyone's ever had? Because they had the whole Richie Incognito, boring, that whole thing happened, and people got fired for that, and now this guy.

Laramie Tunsil, right? Laramie Tunsil, they took him, the gas mask. I always thought the Hogs were the most exciting offensive line. Maybe this one. Maybe this Dolphins. I'm with you. Just constant storylines year after year. It's like keeping up with the Kardashians.

All right. When do you want to talk about Jason Garrett? Now or do you want to hold it until later? Well, we could talk about it now. And I was challenged. I listened to the GM. By the way, there's no reason to listen to us anymore. Tate and Lombardi knocking it out of the park. But they're Sunday nights.ay nights tate's just hungry he wants it sunday night i have a long ride in yeah

you love it right nine o'clock coffee living it and then right back in the morning here with us i'm sleeping a lot for sure he's getting monday afternoons off now oh do you really yeah goes home that's his life this is charity work. What a life. Does his charity work. I felt bad for Tate, how much he works. And then I heard he blew me off for the Chance the Rapper concert last week. Yeah, that did happen. I was like, all right, he doesn't have much going on. Don't feel bad for Tate.

He's 24. He's doing great. You're 24, right? Yeah. Yeah, Tate's doing great. Tate's doing way better than I did at age 24. He's doing better than Jason Garrett, that's for sure. The Clapper.

I was called out. Lombardi called me out to try to figure out what he does exactly. And I accept your challenge, and I immediately submit. I don't know what he does. I don't know what he does. I know there are some coaches who don't run the offense or run part of the offense and lend a hand to blame and all this other stuff,

but clock management has to be the head coach's thing. And if you look back, Green Bay came to Texas and won three times in the same freaking way. Mid-30s scores, we lose by four points. So working backwards, you cannot leave Aaron Rodgers a minute and a half and a timeout. You can't do that. That's a loss.

The second down lob pass to Dez. One of the worst. It's just inexplicable. We could talk about it for a hundred years and it's the only thing they couldn't do was have an incomplete pass, basically. You can have a screen pass, you can have a little foot pass, whatever. But that, even if you get it,

great. You just scored. You gave them 85 seconds left. And even when they get it, great, you just scored. You gave them 85 seconds left. And even when they scored with the great play, Prescott, that was a great play call. But every Cowboy fan is thinking, there's too much time. And then he's going to come back and kick a field goal. And then there's an 18-yard pass to Bennett. It's like, oh, no, they're going to score a touchdown.

That's it. So how many times do you need to see it? Same thing over and over. The Rodgers scramble 18-yard down the sideline was just magnificent. Yep. It was magnificent. Guy's pawing on him. He's shoving him away.

Brady's the best quarterback ever. What? But Rodgers the last couple years. Like Brady, I don't. Maybe Brady could have done that in 75 seconds, but he couldn't have eluded that. That's what makes Rodgers. That's what pushes him to another level.

It just seemed like he was going to get sacked. They were going to lose the game. And he's tiptoeing around. It was incredible. And then to go to Devontae Adams, who was dead 10 days ago. Yeah. It's like, oh, Devontae Adams died. I'm watching a football game and somebody just died.

And then that guy catches two touchdowns, could be the game winner. Just they went to him again. Like it was just just a guy lewis did a nice job and then they're like no we're gonna go right back to it but um rogers mvp what do you think his odds are i looked at this today because i wanted to see what alex smith's odds were oh yeah i'll show you know even even odds for forgers. Brady's 5-1, and then incredibly, Alex Smith is 8-1. And I actually think Alex Smith is a good bet. Yeah. I think so, too.

Alex Smith, 8-1. They might go like 14-2, 15-1 this season. He's been lights out. He's been lights out. He's been lights out. I know. Who's played better than Alex Smith? Nobody.

But for Rodgers, I don't think I've seen even this early in the season for an MVP in a long, long time. I can't remember. So you have a bye week this week. Yeah. I'm just sick of it. You know how this is. They score the last possession of the first half,

and then they get the ball in the second half, and they score in that possession. That is demoralizing to an already bad defense that can't put any pressure. This defense, I was seeing some screen grabs in that last drive. It was insane how they were lining up. There's so many holes in this defense. I don't know what to talk about.

You're 2-3. Yeah. By week, you're at San Francisco, at Washington. That's a split. Home for KC. That's not split. Home for KC. That's not great. Falcons, right?

At Atlanta. Then you have three straight home games. Philly, LA. I think that's, is that the Chargers? Yeah. And then Washington on Thanksgiving, which all of a sudden is kind of a dangerous game. Of course, always.

And then if you can get to that last week, or last month and kind of hang around, at Giants, at Oakland on a Sunday night, which they might be done at that point, home for Seattle, at Philly. I don't see how you get to 10 wins. I looked at 5-5 after 10. That's what I figure.

That's a pretty good case scenario. 5-5 is like almost the best case scenario. Yeah, Yeah. So then you'd have to go five and one down the stretch. Because you have to get to ten and six.

You think so? I think the Eagles go ten and six. Everyone's crazy about these Eagles. No, I'm not crazy about them. I just think they're

going to go ten and six. They have some easy games left, too. Wentz is good. You know, I don't know about Goff. Obviously, I lost money on the Rams yesterday. i do think though like girly hits the pylon that's seven points gone away zerline misses a field goal

out of nowhere never misses a field goal right um and then cup on that game winner goff just a little much through like four miles an hour too fast but cup was somehow wide open right and that was a touchdown but it did feel like a very winnable game. I liked what I saw from Goff, even though he didn't play well. Didn't he set the record for incomplete passes? Like 25 for the year at least? But he didn't break, though. He didn't break the record?

No, he didn't break. He didn't break emotionally. Oh, yeah. I didn't feel like he folded. I felt like he kept going, and the final drive, he made some good passes. I feel like he's a first-read guy still. I don't know. Well, he does stare. He does kept going and the final drive he made some good passes i feel like he's a first read guy still i don't know he does stare he does stare down there yeah whoever the first receiver is but wentz goff deshaun watson and like it's just funny the browns keep passing up these dudes oh it's great kaiser was awful it's great i first i because i'm a sick person

i had the jets on a little bit yesterday because Because you were a sick person? Well, I was just curious. It was like a car crash, but he was terrible. And then they benched. There's so much bad wrong with the Browns. You can't even blame Kaiser. That's part of it, for sure. But it's like taking Fallujah and saying, well, they're always just going to be a third world country because of the air quality.

It's just not that good. There's so many. There's 500 things wrong with them. Yeah, I them yeah i know thank you took me a while lombardi he's written off the class of 04 for qb's i was listening to lombardi and i thought that was strong yeah so now it's palmer go through and it's like man palmer's almost done um although he he can give you the garbage time fantasy. Yeah. Eli, who knows if he's done or not done. He's got no receivers left.

He's running the two-minute drill with Shane Vereen. I think he wants to be done. I think he's mad that Ben Roethlisberger says, oh, maybe I just don't have it anymore. He's like, that's my line. Yeah, damn it. Why'd you take that from me? He beat me to it. I wonder if they could trade Eli.

I haven't looked at it. I never understand if you can trade big contracts in the NFL. Where would he go? Jacksonville? Tom Coughlin? To me, like Jacksonville, if they get – what happened with that Jacksonville game yesterday was incredible. Obviously, I watched all of that because I had the Steelers in a tease.

Fournette had – after that first pick six, Fournette had eight carries, and he finished with 28. And they just ran – I think he had 20 carries in he finished with 28 And they just ran I think he had 20 carries in the second half You knew they were running the ball every time The Jags were like We're not letting Bortles do anything I think Bortles finished with less yards

To the Jaguars Than Roethlisberger had to the Jaguars Roethlisberger had like 104 Jacksonville defensive back yards And Bortles had 95 yards for the Jags. I don't know if he completed a pass in the fourth quarter. That's how badly they were beating him. I think one of the announcers at some point talked about how well he was managing the game,

which is hilarious. Great handoffs. You get enough pick sixes and you can maybe win a game. Good handoffs by Bortles. Really was handing it left, handing it right. But your boy Fournette was running guys over, calling them out, like stiff-arming and then calling. Have you ever seen that?

No, not really. That was like out of a sports movie. Yeah. It was like a Friday Night Lights scene. So, you know, if they can get a QB, and there's, you know, they could get Carson Palmer, I'm sure. I don't know how the salaries work because nobody's ever been able to figure out NFL trades,

but they can grab one of these guys and just be competent for 12 weeks. That defense is really good. Yeah. Fournette's really good. You think that's the way to go? Well, they're not trading mid-season for like an Eli Manning or a Palmer, right? You're talking next year?

I'm talking right now. Has that ever happened? I'm saying go get Carson Palmer right now. He's still in the league. He's still in the league. He's still in the league. Just get him. Get anybody. I don't know.

You can't keep putting Bortles out there. This team might make the playoffs. The Steelers might want Carson Palmer. Maybe Roethlisberger. The thing with Roethlisberger is, the first thing is I can't say his name. The thing, though, is it's not like he's backpedaling and almost getting sacked and throwing like his arms getting hit and he's like he's thrown with that confidence that you remember right to the end it really does seem like oh my god all right

antonio brown's on the other end of this and he's open by six yards like oh man i don't even see a i don't even see a bumblebee jersey anywhere in the. What's going on here? I made a rare mistake. I really just wanted to do a tease this week. Yeah. And I love the Eagles, and I just wanted to put anybody with the Eagles and just looked at the Steelers. I went to DVOA. I looked at the Steelers' advanced metrics.

They were three in the league. But I've seen at least chunks of almost every Steelers. I think all the Steelers games leading into this game. And he looked terrible in all the games we talked about on the podcast he's had bad throws, missed wide open guys and it all fell apart yesterday and it seemed like okay

they're back on track and this is a simplistic way of looking at it but the Bell and Antonio Brown have four touchdowns combined through five games I know it's like a fantasy nerdy thing to look at, but something's wrong with Ben if that's what's going on. What struck me is how bad the coaching was, though,

because I think the Jags, I want to say they had the number one pass defense, but they were like last in rush defense. Yeah, right. And it seemed like if there was ever a game to just run, run, run, run, and then go play action, this was the game. Instead, Roethlisberger threw it like 55 times. If I'm playing the Jaguars, I just don't want to give them points with my offense. Make them score.

Make them do anything. Bortles stinks. He threw it at least five too many times, Roethlisberger. It was terrible. I'll tell you, the teases have not worked this year. Well, I'm going to get you on board this week. You haven't done a three-team tease in a while? You're coming out of retirement.

I had a rough week. Although, somehow I went three and two in the Super Contest. Really? But in the column, I had the Rams and the Lions. I handed it in. Then at 2.30 in the morning, right after I'd handed in my column, I got your video. Why should I dissuade you at all? No, you picked the Panthers.

Over the Lions, yeah. You made a great case in the video about this line is two and a half. That's suspicious. Something's going on here. You almost did the Francesa. You threw out all logic and you were like, I don't like the way this smells. I'm going the other way. Right.

And it was brilliant. Thank you. It was great. Why was that line two and a half all week? Yeah, it didn't make sense that they're about the same. In fact, everyone thinks the Lions should be undefeated. The Lions are home. Cam has all this crap going on all week,

and they're still can't even give a field goal at home. I'm so mad at myself. I have not believed in the Lions this whole time. I've gone against them over and over again. I think that the close luck, all that stuff, and it was like, this is stupid. And then they finally wrote me in. And they wrote me in during the one week when it became clear that their offensive line just can't block. Terrible.

Yeah, two weeks in a row now he's been running for his life. I don't like a lot of teams. Well, let me ask you this. Let's look at it like this. Who gets the buys? Who gets the buys? Who gets the buys? Yeah. I would say the Chiefs are a great candidate.

I think so, too. I would say... Who else in the conference? You say you guys. You're still saying you guys. Yeah, it's got to be. Our defense is so bad. I know, and you're still getting the buy.

I haven't seen the Patriots, that Thursday night game. And I don't remember the last time they've done this Where Belichick just said I just want to get to the 60th minute Every coaching decision In the second half was just Let's move this along Let's just try to get to minute 60 Where they weren't going for the kill or anything

And I just think I think the Pats are a mediocre team that has a great coach and great quarterback but gronk can't play five straight games the defense the front seven's awful the offensive line has been brady's taking more hits in the first five weeks than than you know anybody ever imagined no edelman has been a real problem the running backs they have four running backs. All of them are fine. None of them are that.

I just don't think it's a very good team. I watch the Chiefs. I'm like, Jesus Christ, these guys have weapons everywhere. Like freaking Tyreek Hill and Hunt and Kelsey. I just think they have more weapons. I don't think that means they'll beat the Patriots in a playoff game. He's running around, man. He looks like he's going to get destroyed every down, Brady.

That offensive line. They have to get somebody to block. The Bucs. The field goal kicker was an atrocity. Well, they're going to miss the playoffs two years in a row because of a field goal kicker. Why didn't they wave him after last Sunday when he missed all those kicks? I don't know who's around. I thought for sure they were going to wave him.

What happened to Lambeau from San Diego? He kicked a game winner against the Giants. He missed two of them. They must have figured, alright, he's got confidence now. He's helping Jameis out, I think, though, because Jameis distracted away from his incompetence.

Jameis was... You never really know until you're rooting against a QB when it's either your team or you have a giant bet. I was rooting for Jameis to throw. I didn't think he was going to... Right. I just didn't believe in his accuracy at all. But my point is, with the buys,

you don't have to be 13-3 to get that second buy. No, it might be 11-5. Patriots could be 11-5 and get that second buy. And the NFC, I think it's Tate, the Snakes, Panthers, and Packers. It really does feel like that 0-8. Yeah, Panthers, Packers. It really does feel like 0-8, though. That weird year when Brady got hurt.

I wrote about this in my column on Friday about how it was just a weird year. And, like, Terry Collins went 13-3, and DeLone got a one seed. And it feels like that might be this year where we look back and we go, holy shit. Yeah. You know? Like, Jared Goff's got a two seed? Right.

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when you sign up at bluehost.com slash bill simmons that is bluehost.com slash bill simmons uh can we talk about your pandering fraud of an owner jerry jones what's the matter now he kneels with the players two weeks ago and now now uh he did it now all of a sudden, anyone who disrespects the anthem, he's going to fire or bench? Yeah, but they have a plan. They're going to kneel together, and then when the anthem comes up, they're going to salute and honor it. Who cares about this stuff? What happened to sticking up with the players?

I don't know. Who cares? Why does anybody... I mean, I wrote about it two weeks ago and I'm still amazed that anybody took these owners seriously in any way. They're just awful people that will run these players into the ground and treat the players like cattle.

Any sort of... If they pretend in any sort of way that they're genuine people who care about the welfare of the people they're paying to play football for them, they're just full of shit all right i hope i don't get fired by espn i hope you do i actually didn't get fired i shouldn't say that let's talk about that i got paid every fucking week until my contract did you not kneel for the anthem or something for chris burman or what what was it i don't know what to say about Jerry Jones.

I mean, I think the players like him as much as players could like an owner. But, yeah, overall, you're probably right. There's a little disconnect, and they don't care as much as they should about the players. Odell's broken ankle? How about this? I think we lost two quarterbacks aside the two biggest personalities in football with Watt and Odell would you agree?

if you don't count any quarterbacks I thought with Odell we lost the most fun receiver because I was trying to think and even you see like I made DraftKings by the way I won a little money the last two weeks in DraftKings I had some good lineups but I had Odell on DraftKings

and you always want to have that $9 million receiver. And Odell's always the most fun guy out of that group, but now who are the fun guys? Antonio Brown's going to get his 10 catches for 90 to 110 yards. He might not score.

Jordy Nelson. Well, what do you mean fun guys? I'm talking big personality. Beckham's a big personality. Watt was a big personality. I'm saying fun. They're both gone. I'm saying, like, fun for production, fun for highlights.

Oh, that was by far the most fun receiver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I don't know who it is. There are no fun receivers now. No, I don't think so. AJ Green. Oh, AJ Green? Yeah.

But AJ Green. He just kind of dominates and is not, I don't know. Nobody's ever had, like, a really exciting AJ Green conversation. Right,'s AJ Green. He just kind of dominates and is not, I don't know. Nobody's ever had a really exciting AJ Green conversation. Don't two football fans be like, hey, man, did you see AJ Green? He hasn't fake urinated on anything in the end. It's just not that fun with him. It's like Julio Jones, too. We don't give him the fun stuff either.

I guess Julio Jones is our most fun guy now. Yeah. But then we have to deal with the injury part, so it's the same thing. We don't know if he's going to be there. Tyreek Hill would be the most fun guy if he didn't assault women. Yeah, right. It's kind of a downer. Yeah.

It's always like the shadow over every Tyreek Hill conversation. What about Hogan? Your boy on the wing. World's greatest athlete? I wouldn't trade him for any of those guys you just mentioned. I have him on my fantasy team. He's terrific. Tate, who do you like out of Rodgers even mvp brady five to one alex smith eight to one or your hero cam newton ten

to one i do like the the cam newton uh pulling down the back end but i i think i think it's smith right they're gonna give cam another mvp i think we should step in on smith eight to one i can't believe i'm saying that you think so i do here's what worries me let's say that team goes 15-1. 15-1, how does he not win the MVP? I just think Vegas has a weird thing on this because Deshaun Watson and Kareem Hunt, now we went over this on our pod, Tate,

they were even for Rookie of the Year, Offensive Rookie of the Year. This week, Deshaun Watson's minus 300 over Kareem Hunt. Kansas City beat the crap out of Houston yesterday. Deshaun Watson's minus 300 over Kareem Hunt. Kansas City beat the crap out of Houston yesterday. Deshaun Watson, I love him. I'm excited to see him play in the next 10 years, whatever. He set the garbage time record for yards forever, forever. And for some reason, the 5-0 Chiefs beat the crap out of Houston,

and Deshaun Watson's the far bigger choice now. This is weird. But the SportsCenter highlight was Deshaun Watson. They showed him stepping up when he almost got second through that 55-yard touchdown. He's been awesome. They just showed, they're like, he's the far bigger choice now. This is weird. But the SportsCenter highlight was Deshaun Watson. They showed him stepping up when he almost got second through that 55-yard touchdown. He's been awesome. They just showed, they're like, he's the guy. We're trying to show him.

All right, but Kareem Hunt, the Chiefs aren't going to lose a game this year. If Kareem Hunt rushes for 2,200 yards. You're right. It should be like a toss-up. They're two and three, the Texans. That's why I'm worried about your Alex. I don't know.

I don't know why the Chiefs are under a pre-shoot. Chiefs, home for Pittsburgh, at Oakland, home for Denver, at Dallas, at the Giants, home for Buffalo, at the Jets, home for Oakland, home for the Chargers, home for Miami, at Denver. That feels like 14-2 to me. Well, when's their first loss? Go slower there. First for you.

Home for Pittsburgh, win. At Oakland, win. Home for Denver. feels like a win Monday night so that would make them 1-2 at Dallas maybe you're up late and you leave Alex Smith too much time

that'll never happen if they can get past at Dallas and they're 9-0 they have a nice little at Giants home for Buffalo at Jets home for Oakland Chargers stretch. I don't think they get to 9-0. Andy Reid just can't go undefeated.

Andy will do something. He can't go undefeated. Yeah. Let's hope Eli Manning stops them from being undefeated when they don't have a win. That would be great. Oh, right.

That would be fun. Can you name the Giants starting receivers next week? Well, Shepard is... No, I can't. I mean, he's definitely out, right? Yeah. No, I can't do it.

Victor Cruz? I won't do it. We're talking about resigning him. Victor Cruz come back? We're talking about resigning him, yeah. I need like 24 points from Jordan Howard tonight to win a fantasy. Oh, I saw that.

Or 24, 25. Yeah. It's conceivable enough that now I have to watch the Bears-Vikings game and have my feelings get hurt. I hate fantasy football. It's an extra touchdown. I had Palmer. I had Breeze on it, but I had Palmer, Manning, and Jared Goff.

I just picked up everybody. Why do you do that to yourself? And I stared at it all weekend. And I'm like, who should I do? And finally, I'm like, I'm going to do Palmer. And Palmer had like half a point more than Eli. You put a poll out on Twitter. I did.

Did they tell you Palmer? I just wanted to make the right choice. What did they tell you? They told you Palmer? It was pretty split. It was close? Yeah, it was pretty split. Fantasy just hurts my feelings. It's bad. Did you think the Rams should have beaten the Seahawks? No, I thought the Seahawks

did a nice job overcoming that win. I know you had the Rams, and you're right with the pylon and everything in that play, but I think the Seahawks' defense finally stepped up. Richardson and Thomas are just going to make a couple plays and everything in that play. But I think the Seahawks' defense finally stepped up. Richardson and Thomas, they're just going to make a couple plays and like, screw this, we're taking it out of the offense's hand and we're going to win.

What, did they force five turnovers? I think the Seahawks are in a lot of trouble. Yeah? They cannot run the ball. They don't really have a deep threat. Jimmy Graham's not Jimmy Graham anymore. It's really hard for them to score 20 points. They can do it on a Sunday night against Indianapolis.

They should figure out the running game. Against any good defense. I don't think they can get past 20. What does a lot of trouble mean, though? They're one of a couple divisions that nobody wants to win. AFC North, nobody wants to win that. NFC West, it's just going to be them and the Rams. Can we officially anoint the AFC North as the league's worst division?

I think so. I was looking at the Bengals' chances of winning a division yesterday. That's not bad, I think. It's not terrible. It seems like they figured it out. No, I was just looking at the rest of theirs. What are the Bengals' odds, though? I didn't see odds.

Let me look. But I didn't see. Can you look that up really quick, Tate? But just looking at their remaining games, like, yeah, they could be in the mix. I have an email for you. Yeah. I'm going to have a sponsor for the email. Do an email of the week.

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Dak Prescott, wouldn't you be doing everything in your power to get your client to take a knee before the next game? Force his release and get your client a $20 million a year paycheck early. It's pretty smart. Wow. Okay.

Dak forces Jerry Jones' hands. Oh, really? You're going to, oh. Right. I'm going to take a knee. What are you going to do? Why don't you give me a raise? Oh, you're going to release me? I'll go get $20 million a year from the Jaguars.

Mm-hmm. No? I don't know. If you want to play for the Jaguars. Little chicken. I don't know if that's a good move. Are they signing these players? Like, all these owners are reluctant to sign the kneelers.

Oh, it would be such a big thing. I like the email, though. I do. Kaepernick should officially just be offended. I wrote on Friday, I think he should sue the NFL. Brandon Whedon got signed by the Titans because he knows the offense. He came in, all he did was, you know, he's throwing ducks and he's just awful. And as soon as he came in, the game's over. Kaepernick should be on a team.

He should be on a team for sure. Should be on one of these teams. Right. If you're Terrell Pryor, won't you just put your hat in the ring and say, I can play quarterback better than most of these people? That's interesting. He's stuck on Washington as their number one receiver. At some point.

He's got to be mad. Two more weeks. You're watching Blake Bortles enough. You're just like, hey, I can do that. Maybe he does the kneeling thing and ends up the Jaguars ends up he does it when he's going out to receive right i think we should actually be rooting for the jags to make the playoffs because then we get to bet against blake bortles you think so yeah i can't believe matt moore can't play for a team matt moore should play for the dolphin he should play for the mi Dolphins. He should start. He should play for that team. Did Cutler have fewer than 100 yards passing yesterday again?

Yeah. Jags and Dolphins. He looks really flat out terrible. Really, really, really, truly awful. Bengals plus 500 for the division. Oh. That could be good. Hmm.

I looked up when Roethlisberger had zero TDs and five picks. Yeah. I went on Football References Play Index, which allows you to look up any single game and put in. So I was like, I wonder how many people have done this. I figured it was like five people. It was like dozens and dozens of people. Really?

Yeah. It happened all the time. Todd Blackledge had zero TDs and six picks. Wow. Yeah. But we call it the DeLome? The four picks? The DeLome is the

four with a pick six was the DeLome. Right. I christened that the DeLome. This is different. Roethlisberger had a double DeLome. A double DeLome. I like that.

He had the five picks with the DeLome combo. Mayo and bacon. Oh, this is weird. Dolphins hired Charlie Sheen as an offensive line coach. What? Yeah, it's a step in the right direction, and bacon. Oh, this is weird. Dolphins hired Charlie Sheen as an offensive line coach. What? Yeah, it's a step in the right direction, I think. Oh, no.

Yeah. They continue to be the most exciting offensive line. Who do we like tonight? Chicago, Minnesota. Well, I don't know. Do you want to apologize in advance for Mitchell Trubisky? Tate, this is a big, big spot. I'm excited.

You are. He gets Monday Night Football in his first game against the best. Well, he's going against the best defense, but I think he's going to have a good time. The Bears are better than people give him credit for because Glennon's so bad. Bears beat the Steelers. Not looking as great now. I would take the points, but I don't love this game. If the Jaguars called Belichick today and said, we'll give you our 2018-2019 first-round picks

and a 2020 second-rounder, give us Garoppolo. What does Belichick do? I don't think he takes the call. I think he laughs any time Jaguars call. I think he's only taking calls from the Bills. It's like those players do well on the Patriots. We can mold them. Okay.

Would you give them up? No. I think if there is ever a time to get 200 cents in the dollar firm, it's right now. Yeah, maybe. The Jaguars have been completely irrelevant for 10 years, and that owner has not even sniffed the playoffs. And if I'm that owner, I'm in the mode.

He's not a lazy owner, I'm in the mode. He's not a lazy owner either. He plays shot con. He pays big money for defense. He did a nice job with their defense. I like the moves they made. I feel bad for him. Their defense is legit good.

Jalen Ramsey's really good. Yeah. He was like all over the place. I really thought. Yeah, that was a highlight reel for that defense. As bad as Roethlisberger was, their defense was also really good. It was the rare combo. Yeah, they were just not good against the Jets when I bet them minus three.

We just shouldn't bet. What about this? Let's just not bet. No, that's not going to happen. We should have taken big underdogs each week. We would have been better off. I'm going to smack you in the face, Ryan. I can't reach you.

Thursday night is the best game of the week yeah and is arguably uh the best non opening night thursday night game i can remember usually the opening night thursday night game is really good and then after that not really downhill they don't have this is a great game and yet i hate that it's on thursday night because one of the teams isn't going to do anything for the first half and we're not going to get a good indication of who's the second best team in the nfc philadelphia at carolina carolina cam now is is just embracing being the villain i think it's good just go the whole nine yards good for him so you know what i meant when i said to the female reporter yeah i don't care i'm not apologizing. I'm a dick.

Right. Just, I'm a dick. Fine. It took two days to figure it out, then he should, yeah. Yeah. He should go that route. You know what? I don't think women should be in the locker room

and I said my piece, so I'm going to go play football now. Yep. Everybody can fuck off. Like, I would rather he did that. Just be a villain. Yeah. Obviously, he felt that way.

He pretty much did do that. Yeah. Just read between the lines a little yeah i'm not waiting for the yogurt industry to weigh in on this i think cam's good and uh dan was dan and was very upset how dare you offend our yogurt eating customers i threw all my yogurts away you did i'm out on dan and see pete went into the ringer refrigerator throughout the day to dare. People are boycotting football and yogurt.

It's such a weird season. We got to get Tate a fuck Dannon t-shirt. Dannon will not be sponsoring the BS podcast. We don't want you either. They went to Dak. Much safer bet. Right, I know. That's why he can't do this thing.

You can almost feel they had a meeting with all the marketing people. They're like, we've got to switch quarterbacks, but we can't switch to a white quarterback. That would look weird. Bob, can you make a list of all the black quarterbacks? They're like, oh, Dak Prescott. You're right. That would have been a great meeting. Poor Tyrod Taylor. He was that close.

Tyrod Taylor. He was second call. He's almost there. They're like, what about Jameis? No, cross him off. Deshaun Kizer. No, he lasted a quarter. Thursday night, Panthers. Home for the Eagles. I said Panthers by five and a half.

You went a little heavy. I went slightly high, too. I went three and a half. It's three. So I get that. I'd like to apologize to america because i said before the year that i would ride the panthers for as long as luke keekly yeah was upright and walking and knew knew his name and and unfortunately uh i stopped doing that and luke keekly has been

in there and the panthers defense is really good when he plays all right well we'll just wait and see if they accept your apology america but that that's as good as back-to-back road wins as you'll get, right? New England and at Detroit. It made me feel a little bit better about the Pats. Sure. That they also look good the next week. The part I don't understand is how Ed Dixon is as good as Greg Olson. Better for some reason yesterday.

Because I did the same thing everyone else did when Greg Olson got hurt. Like, oh, I'll pick up their backup in my free agent auction. And then you go look up Ed Dixon and it's like, oh, he's terrible. That's a waste of free agent money and now he looks like Greg Olson. Tate, I know you don't

like, you're not in love with McCaffrey, but is it guys open now? Is that it? It's like it opens up the offense now that you have to key on McCaffrey sometimes. Yeah, I think it's Funches, too. Funches is really open to everything. They needed a number one. They thought it was Benjamin.

It's just not Benjamin. All right, but Funches was there last year. I don't know. Lions are about to win that game, third and whatever, and Kelvin Benjamin got wide open. Yeah. That's a nice play. Yeah, that's what he's good at.

He's like a third-down big receiver. That was nice nice play. Yeah, that's what he's good at. He's like a third down big receiver. That was nice. I think McCaffrey is a tall Danny Woodhead. That's my takeaway after watching him for five weeks. Not really totally a compliment. That was maybe the smartest play. The shovel pass, getting him the touchdown. It was easy enough.

Obviously, they needed the points. Now he's got some confidence. Every single week, we give him a charity touch or a charity touchdown attempt. Really? I'm tired of it. Wow, you don't like it? It's a month in, your team's 4-1. He's the way Tavon Austin. I can't stand it.

Just because he's not Offensive Rookie of the Year in the conversation, he's done good things for this offense, I think. All right. Sunday, the marquee game. Kansas City Chiefs going for 6-0 at home against the artist formerly known as Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers.

I have the Chiefs. Did I already give away what my guess was? I think I did it accidentally. Did you? I don't know. The Chiefs giving 6. I had some problems with this one. Well, you're going to have a big problem after I tell you what it is, because I also had six.

Chiefs favored by three. Come on. Come on. The Cousin Sal rule, this is keep your guard up. Keep your guard up. I'm not taking the Steelers here, but that's impossible that they're only three points on the dog. Is this a Romo game?

Oh, it's got to be, right? It's got to be a Romo game, right? Oh, I can't wait to hear him break down Roethlisberger. Jim, I just don't see a guy that has any confidence. I'm convinced Tony has a helmet on when he's calling these games. I know they go to him, but I think he's ready to hit the field anytime. Oh, I didn't think of Romo for the Jaguars. Oh, right, right.

There it is. He'd for the Jaguars. Oh, right, right. There it is. He'd save the Jaguars. We're going to lose Tony Romo to the Jaguars. Can you text him and tell him that's signed there? How much would Jim Nance get from this? Tell him Simmons said the Jaguars are a really horrible organization. I think he knows better. We can't lose Romo to...

No, you're right. If the Jags offered him what? Five mil for 12 games? Reconstructed back? I don't know how he'd have to do it. I can't believe Pittsburgh's only a three-point underdog here. And how about this? You give your fans half refund if you don't score 10 points at home.

How about something like that? The Steelers have not looked well-coached to me in these first five games. They look super sloppy. And the game plan they had yesterday was just an abomination. All right. We don't have a poop-fecto this week. There is no poop-fecto quality game. But what we do have are the apple pickers.

Oh, good. Five games that you're better off going apple picking with your girlfriend or wife or your daughters right over watching any of these games first one houston at home for the browns of cleveland the houston just losing dudes they lost they lost two two uh a-list starters doesn't matter i have them laying eight doesn't matter for this game yeah don't let me tease this give me the strength not to tease this no no you're gonna do it give me the strength you have i nine, and it's ten and a half. Oh. This is a win.

That seems too high. Too high? What Cleveland is, this, like it's been said, this could be the worst Cleveland team. And people defend Hugh Jackson. People went crazy on me when I said Hugh was like one and 18 or something. Now he's one and20 over his last 21. I'm sorry, he was 8-8 with the Raiders in 2011,

but great offensive coordinator. That's another Fallujah situation. There's a lot wrong with that. And I don't even get on him for going for it on 4th and 2, but you've got to make it. If you're 1-20, you have to convert that. That's it. Washington at home for the

Niners. The Niners are doing just a wonderful job of staying close every game and then blowing it in the end to try to get the number one pick. I don't know if it's intentional or not, but it's brilliant. Two overtime losses. They hang around, they hang around, they should have won. It's, oh, damn, we didn't win again.

Oh, we're going to get the number one pick. Darn it. I have Washington favored by 10. Good call. It was 9.5. It went to 10. I only had it as 8. But, all right, so there's two. Niners are hanging in these games.

Yeah, but it's funny. The spreads are so low, they didn't even cover that. 11 spreads were three or less yesterday. The biggest DraftKings lock every once a month is T.Y. Hilton against a bad team at home. Oh, that's good. It's a guaranteed 150 yards from T.Y. He lights up the bad teams at home. He really steps it up a notch.

Ravens, home for the Bears of Chicago. You know what? I'm going to change my pick, even though I wrote down three. I'm going to say three and a half. Way higher. I had seven, and though I wrote down three. I'm going to say three and a half. Way higher. I had seven, and that's what it is. Wow. They stink.

The Ravens aren't good. Chicago, short week on the road. You can't make that too well. Can the Ravens really be four and two? Sure. Why not? I don't know who wins that division. I really don't know.

I should have gone higher on that. I don't know who wins that division. I really don't know. I really don't know. I should have gone higher on that. I just don't think the Ravens are good. And that was a team I thought could get to 10 wins in the division just because of their D. Well, I think they got up big. And E.J. Manuel is one of those quarterbacks we discussed who can't, you know, down 10 or down 14, just not going to take them back.

But it became only two 4 p p.m games that you could watch yesterday after that last apple picker tampa at arizona i had bucks by three uh i had two and a half and it's two oh man the cardinals stink i know but that's that's a disgrace let's discuss this cardinals they're gonna pay're going to pay a bounty to us. We're going to bet them. We're going to pick our spots. To go against them. Yeah, I don't think this is one of them, though.

Do you like Lombardi's theory that bad offensive lines don't travel well? I kind of like that. So they're like meat? It is interesting. It's like breakfast. You can't ship meat? You don't order breakfast? Yeah, don't do breakfast on delivery.

That's a bad offensive line. Although their offensive line wasn't great yesterday, but they won on the road. Last one, Oakland at home against the Chargers, who we wrote off last week, but now we're lingering for a wild card at one and four. Oh, wait, they're not lingering at all. I had the Raiders by three and a half.

My guess would be Derek Carr comes back for this one, but there's no way to know. I had three, and there's no line because of Derek Carr. Let me just say, our friend and publicist Louis K also represents the Chargers and has asked us to lay off.

He texted you? He also asked me to not say to lay off, but that part I'm going to ignore. I'll clip this off and send it to him. No, yeah part I'm going to ignore. I'll clip this off and send it to him. No, you're going to have to send it to him. It's a PR push. He doesn't want us bagging on the Chargers. Lewis Simmons doesn't know what to say.

He's beat red. I can't call Dean Spanos dumbass Dean Spanos? I'm still going to do it. I'm sorry. The publicist for the Chargers has a hard enough job, I think is what we're saying there don't have any fans showing up to the games would you see the Eli quote

what did he say there was all these stories about the Eli 2004 trade and he thanked Ernie Acorsi the Giants GM because he was like if it wasn't for Ernie I'd be playing in a soccer stadium

in LA right now wow shots fired you see what Lewis K has to put up with oh my god that's it we're done for Ernie. I'd be playing in a soccer stadium in LA right now. Wow. Shots fired! You see what Louis K has to put up with? Oh my god. That's it. We're done. We're not banging on the charge anymore. We'll never mention this again in the podcast either. We'll never mention the Louis K.

No, no. The barely watchables. The Saints back from an incredible bye week. One of their best bye weeks they've ever had, by all accounts. Home for the Detroit Lions. I think I hit this exact. Saints by two and a half.

We both said two and a half. It's three and a half. Okay. A little high, but coming off a bye, like you said, Detroit's offensive line is messed up. Falcons home for Miami. I can't. If you take anything from this podcast,

take the fact that Jay Cutler is awful. Bo Salah and I have watched him. You might have missed the Dolphins, so maybe you need somebody else's opinion on it. Well, here are two opinions. Jay Cutler's terrible. He's really awful. Not Bortles awful, but awful. Our friend Louis K represents Jay Cutler.

Oh, he does? Yeah. He represents Kristen Cavalieri. I have a whole list of people. Mike Pence. We really need to go back. Mike Pence just stood up and walked out. I had the Falcons by nine against Miami.

Yeah, you got it. I went low. I said seven. It's ten and a half. Oh, they're dying to get teased. Well, so you see what's going on here the three teamers said it's you love it we haven't even gotten to the best one oh god well i do like the falcons i'd like to bet against any team that uh their offensive line

coach resigned in disgrace after cocaine scandal six days before the game hold on oh they just uh they just hired uh char Charlie Sheen is out. Kirstie Alley is the new offensive line coach. There's a lot of updates. Kelsey Grammer is going to help out. You miss a lot. Patriots at the Jets. We do this wins poll every year.

Two teams were not taken. The Jets and the Browns. Jets with three wins. Three wins. I took the Niners with the last 30th and last pick over the Jets. Niners with zero wins. So that didn't work out. Who could have seen this coming? Who could have seen it? I took the Niners with the last 30th and last pick over the Jets. Niners with zero wins. So that didn't work out.

Who could have seen this coming? Who could have seen it? I actually, I'm going to say nobody saw this coming. It's the rarely seen in sports. Absolutely nobody saw this coming. The Jets being 3-2 and the Giants being 0-5. Right. I did not read that prediction anywhere.

Nope. No, I never would have bought it. Jets would be over. Pats, I had giving 8.5 at the Jets. Probably too low. It's too low, although I said, wait, where the hell is this now? 8.5 is too low. 7.5, what I said is way too low. 9.5.

So what's wrong with this three-team teaser? Patriots, Falcons over the Dolphins, Washington over San Francisco, or Houston over Cleveland. I'm not putting Houston in a tease. Okay.

Not Washington? You think San Francisco is too frisky? I need to think about it some more. I like two of those. There's another one coming up. Okay. We'll get to it. We're going to go to the watchables,

and I think this is a good time to pick our captain of the week. Okay. Captain Morgan, they make a lot of rums, all kinds of rums, spice, coconut, you name it. And they really like when you drink like a captain and you act like a captain. And you're basically a captain. They believe in the captain of all of us. Aaron Rodgers is my captain this week, and here's why. Fantasy in our slack, our NFL slack, that was especially funny yesterday.

Fantasy just slacked. I really like watching Aaron Rodgers play sports. Yeah. And that's kind of how I feel. It was really fun when he got the ball back. I know it wasn't fun for you. No, but it is. But as a football fan, it's like there's a minute 10 left

i have a feeling he's gonna do something awesome i can't wait for this they go to commercial they come back it was just exciting it was like vindicated my whole decision yesterday to to do nothing and watch tv with my uh nephew for seven hours um aaron rogers the captain man it was great just the way he carried himself. He's one of a kind. It was something. It was like the whole Aaron Rodgers package. Does Jason Garrett get co-captain?

Aaron Rodgers isn't captain if Jason Garrett isn't born. That's true. Maybe he's the assistant captain. Who's your captain of the week? Let me just add to yours real quick. There are some, and obviously it's a devastating loss for Cowboys fans, but there is an appreciation when a guy like Aaron Rodgers does it to you. Phillip Rebbers would come down and be like, oh, that's just so shitty. Yeah, you take it personally.

Yeah, Aaron Rodgers is a good captain. Very few QBs over the years where as they're kicking your team's ass, you're kind of like, ah, that guy's great. Yeah. I don't even feel that bad. Absolutely. Just got topped by an awesome quarterback. My captain, and Tate the Snake led me into this, Jets head coach Todd Bowles.

Oh. 0-2, dead to rights. Let's go back before that. They get rid of everyone who's 30 years of age or older. Anyone who's played 30 games in the league is gone from the team. They're scrapping this team. Dead. Richardson, gone. They're getting rid this team. Dead. Richardson, gone.

They're getting rid of him. Take it, they're getting rid of him. 0-2. And listen, best years behind them, but Mangold, Brandon Marshall, Decker, Revis, these guys are all like leadership qualities. That's the intangible you take. Todd Bowles, he does it.

And like Tate says, through week five, the only team, the only coach who's reached his over-under was two and a half wins. Somewhere it was three wins, but he's at least got it. And, you know, look, next week probably lose by 40 to New England. That's

next week. This is this week, and Todd Bowles is my captain of the week. It's the second greatest thing he's done, other than play bunny in the wire. That's right. It's the second greatest accomplishment ever. That was a good job. Well, apologies to Harvey Weinstein, but Todd Bowles, my Captain of the Week.

The Watchables. There's two. Let's do it. Packers at Minnesota. Yeah. I feel good about this pick, Packers by three. I know, but they didn't put a line on it. I had Packers at Minnesota. Yeah. I feel good about this pick, Packers by three. I know, but they didn't put a line on it. I had Packers by four.

Can we pretend there's not a huge difference between Bradford and Case Keenum at this point? There shouldn't be. Put a line on that. There's no line. I can't believe this is the second best game of the week. Green Bay, Minnesota? The second best game of Sunday. No. Jacksonville hosting the Rams

of Los Angeles. I can't wait to watch this game. I really enjoy the Rams. I find myself, I root for Jared Goff. I like the 31-year-old coach. I'm confused why Sammy Watkins was... Sammy Watkins

was... I don't know whether the Seahawks shut him down or he had a bad game or what, but he was invisible in that game. When he's not injured, he should be doing things. He should at least have like four catches. I think he was 0 for 4 when they threw to him. I think he tweeted something about Goff freezing him out or something like that.

Did he? Seriously? That's smart. That's a good thing to do. Because I think Torrey Holt tweeted he's like one catch in two weeks and then he did something like the zipper mouth. Everyone was like, oh, Goff's freezing him out. It became a good thing to do I think Torrey Holt tweeted he's like one catch in two weeks And then he did something like the zipper mouth Everyone was like oh Goff's freezing him out

It became a whole thing Cooper Cupp taking his catches Cooper Cupp's pretty good Cooper Cupp needed one more I had the Jags by three At home I had three also It's two and a half

You're going to beat me this week I don't think so How many more are left? Two it's two and a half. Not pulling the trigger on it. You're going to beat me this week. I don't think so. Oh, okay. I don't know. Wait. How many more are left? Two. Let's see.

One, two, three. I think I am going to beat you. I think I'm up. I think I'm up one. Let's see. I'm a little off. I'm a little off with my compass. Sunday night is a really terrible, terrible, terrible football game.

And yet again, I encourage you. This is probably a pretty good day to go apple picking. Or maybe steer it toward late afternoon. Broncos at home against the decimated New York football giants. Decimated. Destroyed.

Let me just say, because the Monday night game is off the board, if you get this right, you tie me. Really? Yeah, so really try. Well, I picked Broncos by eight. I'm not going to sway from that. Probably too low.

It was too low, but I went even lower. I said Broncos by seven, and it's ten and a half. And I'd like to introduce you to your third team on your three-team teaser. I would graciously accept that. Let's do that right after. I need to go big after this week. Broncos, Pats, Falcons. Broncos, Pats, Falcons. Let's do it. I'm in.

Perfect. And McAdoo minus 200 to get fired first. And Chris Collinsworth minus 400 to be like, I mean, he doesn't have any receivers out. He doesn't have a single receiver out there. Chris may have to put a uniform on.

Collins would make the depth chart at this point. What date is Victor? Let's do Captain Morgan's Make-Believe Casino. What date is Victor Cruz publicly lobbying to get re-signed by the Giants? What day this week? Tuesday? I don't know if this will post before that happens. This probably already happened.

Yeah. He should do a DirecTV spot where it's just, Hi, I'm Victor Cruz. Which, I know, yeah. Which receivers, what's going to be the most outrageous? Like, T.O.? Like, will he want to come back? Yeah, what?

Ocho Cinco? Steve Smith? They're going to come out. Ocho Cinco. Yeah. You don't lose four receivers. Like, something's got to give here. Monday night, the Titans home against the Colts of Indianapolis.

And the Colts have somehow kind of hung around in this division. They're 2-3. They're 2-3 also. Tennessee 2-3. They can somehow pull this off and get to 3-3 by the time Luck comes back. All of a sudden, who knows, 9-7 might win that division. Is Luck out for sure? I think ESPN's going to get lucky this week.

If this was last week, they would have had no Luck, no Mariota. They may get both, right? ESPN is going to send Jim Irsay $5 million to tell his team to pretend Luck might play on Monday night to at least get the curiosity. I don't think they have $5 million. I have the Titans by six. I guess we think they have $5 million. I have the Titans by six. I guess we don't have a line there.

There's no line. I had Titans by three. We tied for the week. I'm still up three to two to one after six weeks. Can we talk about the baseball playoffs really quick? Yeah, four games today. Four games today. One about to happen with the Red Sox. Hopefully it doesn't get rained out. Yesterday, my season was over.

We're down 3-0 with Doug Pfister. I can't say I was confident yesterday. No. Mookie saves this three-run homer. Right. Start kind of coming back, crawling back. All of a sudden, we had the lead. David Price comes in.

He's like, lights out. He's throwing 95 high heaters. Pull it off. I started getting ideas. I think the Astros are better, but this is not an inconceivable comeback now. I love the baseball players. 48 hours, it's fun.

And I think your plan for the Patriots should work for the Red Sox. Forget about this pitching. Let's just beat the hell out of the ball, right? Let's win these games 9-6. John Farrell's been, he hasn't been a full atrocity. He's more like an atrocity light, like a light beer, like an atrocity light. But benching Raphael Devers in game two, I'll never get over.

I'll think about it right before I die, how stupid it was. Hench didn't have an opinion on it, did he? His OPS was like over 1,000 against lefties. He's 20 years old. He's one of the guys who's the future of the team. We're not winning the World Series with this team. Get this dude some playoff reps. You're going to bench him for Devin Marrero?

That was so stupid. I mean, they were going to lose that game anyway. One of those teams is going out today, Red Sox or Yankees. I will say I watched a lot of baseball, and the Indians, the teams are really good. These top to bottom, like the Indians, the Dodgers, I think the Astros, the starters, aren't at the level of the other teams, but just really good young power, speed, defense.

Yeah, and even Arizona, who is in the lower echelon of those eight teams that we're talking about, beat the crap out of Dodgers. So they could win two at home, and this could be a series. I almost went to the Dodger game on Saturday with Ben. I was monitoring the secondary market prices just for fun the whole day, kind of watching them. People start to panic, and they start lowering them. What did you want it to get to?

I didn't know. I was just curious to see what the market was. But it definitely does drop. It's fun to watch. Speaking of Ben, it's time for America's favorite segment. Oh. Parent Corner. Yeah.

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on the go a breeze. What was your favorite in-the-moment live bet you almost did yesterday? Packers plus 160 on the last drive. Was that what it was? Yeah.

Plus 160? Well, because I think they figured they would tie and then over time, so whatever. Lay down some cash, try to win big today. Join now.

MyBookie will match your deposit with up to a 100% bonus. MyBookie.ag. Use promo code Bill Simmons to activate the offer. You play. You win. You get paid. You want to go first with Parent Corner? Yeah, I don't have a great one, but did you and Ben, did you guys watch Hell in a Cell

last night? He doesn't care about wrestling anymore. What? Yeah. What does that mean? Now he's, his new obsession is baseball cards. Wow. He goes on, he watches people open baseball cards and, uh, wants baseball cards for his

birthday. The funny thing is he barely watches baseball. Like the Red Sox had this do or die playoff game. And instead of watching the last three innings with me, he was on YouTube watching people up in baseball cards. So that's what they did. Wow, that's fun. I have a friend, but he's almost 50, that does the same thing, but just watches.

Yeah. Oh! Yeah, it's exciting. Oh, Ben and Ted! Yeah, it's like. Well, this leads into what I'm saying. The gist of my thing is that I think wrestling's in trouble because last night Shane McMahon went up against Kevin Owens.

I saw it. I did see this match, yeah. He climbs to the top. He's our age. Now, he did that already. He is our age, exactly. That's my vision. He climbs to the top,

and we've seen him jump. We saw from the first row him jump almost in our last. Frightening. Spectacular. Probably the most spectacular live thing we'll see, right? Yeah. With that close. He does it again, and my kids, my 12-year-old,

my 9-year-old, like, that's just boring. I was like, what? Oh my God. What are these guys? They have to just jump from planes? What has to happen? So I feel my heart goes out to Vince McMahon and everyone in WWE because I don't know what you need to do to keep these kids,

these smug punks, their attention. It was inevitable. It kept going up and up and up, and it's like now the risk would be just somebody dying when they do it. Right. They can't go any higher. No. I also don't know why they had to use that Shane McMahon jumping off

the cell card for this random October 8th pay-per-view that's going against football. I was thinking the same thing. It's like baseball playoffs and Curb and all these shows. I watched the last 15 minutes of Wisdom in the Crowd yesterday with Piven. Oh, do you like it? Well, Piven, as you know, is my favorite celebrity. You love him. He's the only unselfish celebrity we have anymore.

Have you had him on the podcast? Nothing would make me happier. He's actually never heard of a podcast. He doesn't know. Just get him here. He won't know he's on it. He won't know. But I didn't realize Piven, it's a different side of Piven.

Oh, it is? The wisdom of the crowd. Yeah, it's a more emotional, sensitive side. He's trying to save lives, though. Wow, okay. He's not like Ari trying to whatever. Interesting. okay he's not like ari trying to whatever he's interesting it's quite a show um you don't watch episodes did you i thought i thought oh it's real good really good that's it see the series is over are you in or out on curb so far

through two eps i i uh i thought about why i don't love it as much. I got excited for it coming back, and I'm like, four to six of these premises are just ridiculous. It just wouldn't happen. It's a little like the wrestling. Yeah, I guess it is. Keep climbing higher and higher and higher. I think if Vince talks with Larry David, they'll find a happy medium. The best idea they had was having Ted dance and date Cheryl. That was very funny.

My parent corner thing my daughter has been in a slime oh yeah for about a year and a half and it got to the point where my wife basically banned the slime really it was like i'm taking your phone unless you give up slime so tell everyone what slime is because my cousin jimmy did something with a bunch of kids who get they get millions of views on youtube for making slime. So slime is basically, it's like shaving cream with other creams. And you put all this mix together and it becomes this big mound of stuff that you play with. Almost like Play-Doh.

It's like what Play-Doh is crossed with. It's slimier. It's hard to make. It's got to have the right consistency. And for some reason, all these idiot fifth, sixth sixth and seventh graders are doing this all the time and then some girl got burned like she put she put something that shouldn't have gone in there and her hands got burned and all the all the parents that we know including us were like this is great nobody will make slime anymore right no they didn't scare the kids more popular yeah so now my daughter now thinks she's like guy fieri with the slime and it's not just about the shaving cream anymore

it's about what else she can put in so stupid me i didn't know she was making slime again i go i go to new york two weeks ago and i bring shaving cream with me that i just bought i bought this travel thing of shaving cream i'm like like, this is great. I love what it's got. Bring it to New York. I go to shave and it's gone. There's no shaving cream in it, but I didn't realize it. So at like 1245 at night, I have to walk outside and go to a pharmacy and go get shaving cream because I had a meeting the next morning.

So I'm calling my daughter. I'm yelling at her. Last week, I go to put my contacts in my contact solution is almost gone oh come on i just bought it it's gone um and i can't find it so i don't even know it's almost gone yet because it's not where i keep it and i'm looking around and i can't find it and i'm like zoe did you take my she's like oh hold on i'll bring it back So she brings it back. There's no contact solution. Wow. My wife has this $65 hand cream that she puts next to the sink. And we notice there's none left because you can see it.

It's in glass. So we realize our daughter, who doesn't lie, but is this serial stealer of ancillary bathroom items so she can make this fucking slime that she has a secret instagram account with one of her friends and they just does slime for hours and they talk about it and they put it on instagram and i hate it so much i just hate it and now it's affecting my life well here's what you have to do you have have to embrace it, and you have to make your daughter become one of these people who are making $100,000 a month off of this dumb slime. Is that what I should do? Yeah, that's what you should do.

I'm telling you, Jimmy did a thing with these people, these kids, and they're set for life because of this dumb slime. The camera's on the slime and the process of making it and putting it together and all this stuff like you said uh you know solution contact solution everything else and it's a big winner she's she likes it because i had i had shaving cream from um the shaving cream i bought stuff other people have sent me so she's like been secretly just sneaking into our bathroom and stealing different things nice and uh the fact that you're not blaming Ben right away is, what a testament that is. Well, Ben is there if she needs somebody to lie for her because he's a liar. But I just can't believe this is where we are as parents.

Yeah. My daughter's 12 and a half. She's making, this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Right. It could be worse. She could be dealing on the corner. Yeah, it could be different substances. Yeah, exactly. At least it's slime.

Anyway, Gillette, best of man you got. Send Bill some shaving cream. Yeah, what she was using was Gillette. And speaking of Gillette, so anyway, that's this week in Parent Corner. My son's a liar

and my daughter steals items from us to make slime thanks to oh what do you have to plug

let me just against all odds Wednesday night what are we doing we're doing rookie of the year MVP rookie of the year

it's college football it's gonna be baseball what are House and I doing we're doing all the NBA awards I'm sorry yeah so rookie of the year MVP you did the wins totals we could do divisions we could do It's going to be baseball, World Series. What are House and I doing? We're doing all the NBA awards. Oh, you guys. I'm sorry. Yeah. So Rookie of the Year, MVP.

You did the wins totals. We could do divisions. We could do – there's all sorts of weird points per game. There's a couple good division ones to cover. You do? Yeah. The Oklahoma City division, I think, is the most fun one to talk about. I'm excited.

All right. There's a good – Charlotte's case took a hit. How long is Batum out? Eight to ten weeks. Yeah. So it's in six to eight. Then I is Batum out? Eight to ten weeks. Yeah, so it's been six to eight, then I've heard eight to ten, then some people said the whole season.

That was one of our locks, me and Haas, with Charlotte over 42 wins. All right, we'll revisit that. Let me just say Jimmy Kimmel Live, Chadwick Boseman, January Jones music from Donnie Harrison. That's music? I thought that's a free safety of the Jaguars. And hit me at TheCousinSal on Twitter.

There you go. You know that Philly's really mad at Lombardi. Because of Doug Peterson? Yeah. Yeah. It's bad, right, Tate? He's not backing down. Can he go back there now?

I don't know. I mean, he could go to Jersey. Like, Jersey versus Philly is a good rivalry. I like that. Yeah. Maybe they can fight it out. Just go down to Lansing. He's audible to, he really likes Wentz, but hasn't backed off of Peterson yet.

He said the players are good. It's just the coach. He said anybody could be Doug Peterson. He said Jason Garrett could be Doug Peterson. Oh, that's good. The clapper? He said, hey, I said the same thing about McAdoo last year. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. And now look at him. Takes a little bit. Thanks to SeatGeek. $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase on NFL tickets. Use promo code BSNFL. Thanks to Pearl Jam.

Go to letsplaytofilm.com or pearljam.com for more details on their new documentary. Thanks to Bluehost, whether you're a blogger or a small business owner. Bluehost does everything you need to build, host, and manage the website you've always wanted. Simple enough for beginners, powerful enough for even the most advanced users.

Design your website your way. No wonder it's been the top recommended WordPress host on WordPress.org since 2005. Our listeners save 50% when you sign up at Bluehost.com slash Bill Simmons. Thanks to Proper Cloth, stop wearing shirts that don't fit. Start wearing custom shirts that fit perfectly because you created them by answering 10 easy questions. Bring Proper Cloth into your life. Go to propercloth.com slash bs enter gift code bs save 20 off your first shirt um we didn't talk about your cousin versus the president that was fun oh yeah he called out all the uh called out all the late night yeah we were at a we were at a

wedding this weekend in Central California. The reception was in a barn, so we had no reception at this reception for eight hours. And Jimmy's going crazy. He's like, what if the president is tweeting at me right now? Not inconceivable, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's gotten crazy. It's gotten really nuts. Not the show we did in 2003, right?

Very different. In 2003, the highlight was, oh, we didn't mention Ralphie May. I know. R.A.P. That was one of the highlights of year one. Ralphie May falling down the stairs, claiming he didn't fall, and it turned into a whole month-long thing. I tried to convince you to make a Ralphie May,

in honor of Ralphie May, a parlay with the Giants and the Bears because he was a giant bear. He was a giant bear of a man. Good guy. We're going to miss him, but glad we didn't make that parlay. Get Jeff Ross an emotional Instagram post.

Yeah, we liked Ralphie May. Ostentatious. It's a great stand-up, Ralphie May. People want to go back and watch it. Yeah, go back and watch it. It's a great stand-up. Ralphie Mae. There's a tea like Ralphie Mae. Go back and watch it. It's a character. All right, Cousin Sal. Good job on your belly. I feel it's within On the wayside

I'm a bruised soul I never want to say it I don't have to