The Bill Simmons Podcast - Guess the Lines Wild Card Weekend With Cousin Sal (Ep. 308)

Episode Date: January 2, 2018

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the battle for the 6-seed in the AFC (5:00), Andy Dalton's clutch TD for the Bills (9:00), the terrible Titans (13:00), Jon Gruden's potential new gig (16:00), the best teams against the spread in the regular season (28:00), Titans-Chiefs (34:00), Falcons-Rams (41:00), Bills-Jaguars (47:00), Panthers-Saints (51:00), and another edition of "Parent Corner" (1:05:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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subscribe now to bachelor party incredible episode last night most talented pool of women they've had in some time we had him on Kimmel tonight Larry Lierendijk Jr. is on yeah not as high on Larry you don't like him yeah not as high on him

but very high on the group of ladies they picked tell Larry I'm a little lukewarm I'll let him know you're not as high on him, but very high on the group of ladies they picked. Tell Harry I'm a little lukewarm. I'll let him know. Not as lukewarm as I am on Nick Foles, but lukewarm. Coming up, the Cuzz and I are going to rip through the round one playoffs and a whole bunch of other stories. Tay-Tay, we're going to make fun of the Carolina Panthers. But first, Pearl Jam.

All right. Well, we did it again. We lost another college football bowl parlay. I'm so proud of myself. I think I single-handedly swung the Oklahoma. There's no way they should have lost yesterday, but once they knew I had money in them, they blew it.

My Oklahoma-Alabama parlay went up in flames. They had the Heisman Trophy winner with a seven-point lead with five minutes left. And then randomly, Andy Reid just took over the play calling. Terrible plays. They give up the tying touchdown, get the ball back with a minute left. More terrible plays. Going to overtime. Why go to overtime?

Fourth and one? You have a chance of winning a regulation? Nah, that's too easy. The opposing team has 14 yards to carry. You want to go to overtime? They had two third and twos that they couldn't convert with a guy who is basically like college version of russell wilson where you just if i'm the other team i'm terrified of him running around and doing stuff right uh doesn't seem like he's a great pocket guy it seemed like lombardi tweeted last night they were very careful about um exposing

him just as a drop back guy the Georgia freshman was incredible he's like six years older than our kids but frustrating now I remembered why I don't bet on college football because he's a college kid I'm done again until next year you bet on basketball though and they're like 17 year olds in the league

that's true I shouldn't do that alright NFL lots to discuss. First of all, congrats to the NFL. Week 17, stacking the late games was magnificent. You were in Hawaii. You went away with... I was in Hawaii. I was...

Look, I'm the loser at 7.45 a.m. in a sports bar in Maui while the family's on a boat or whatever they're doing. I forgot to ask you. You were the only one. Who else was in the sports bar? How many people? There's like three other people. For the early games, there were like three other people.

How many TVs? There were 13 TVs. And the late afternoon game, what fan base do you think dominates Maui? Hawaii? Yeah. Probably somebody from the 70s because Hawaii is like 25 years behind just in general. So I would say the Cowboys, but they didn't play in the late games

or not the Steelers, the 49ers. You would think something like that, man. The Seahawks. What? Crazy for the Seahawks.

What? I don't know what it was. In Hawaii? Were there some like Hawaiian Samoan players in the 80s and 90s? I don't know. I don't know what it was, but crazy Seahawks fans.

And, you know, they're eliminated once the Falcons finish off the Panthers. So they're done. But that didn't matter. 20 minutes later, the field goal kicker attempts and misses. And they are furious. They're going at it in their mind. Like, I hate to tell you, but this means nothing. Wow.

This means nothing. Yeah, it was actually better for them to lose at that point. I enjoyed the nine-game frenzy. It's good. The most fun part was Miami rising from the dead with some quarterback I had literally never heard of. Who's Fales? I think he's...

Who's Fales, Tate? Is he not... Six-round pick from San Jose State. He's not related to Foles? That's what I... You can't? He's not? He's about as good as Foles.

Oh, no. He brought him back. Trust me, as someone who had the Dolphins plus two and a half, Fales is not as good as Foles? You can't? He's about as good as Foles. Oh, no. He brought him back. Trust me, as someone who had the Dolphins plus two and a half, Foles is not as good as Foles. You wanted to parlay them or tease them. They covered on a teaser. They did, but it was 22-3. He's a guy. He did

things at some quarterbacks. On the third and four when you're going for the first down, you're all alone. All you have to do is reach the ball over and you can see the flag for the first he's just falling over yeah now he's just short of it doesn't care like oh boy how did i get stuck what's crazy is he was terrible and he wasn't one of the four worst quarterbacks i watched this season yeah you're right peterman still won kaiser sozo had some moments he he connects that deep throws every so often pass there are some bad ones this year.

This was the year of like just. This was the year of getting the six seed in the AFC because nobody wanted it. Nobody wanted that six seed. How about the fact that I thought this was, I was so fascinated by the four-way nine and seven tiebreaker. You know how I feel about tiebreakers after my daughter's soccer experience last month. Goals allowed. So this was basically what it was.

It was San Diego beats Buffalo by like 40 points, but doesn't make it. And the reason they didn't make it was because of this weird four-way thing they had. So they're out. But then Baltimore doesn't make it because of strength of schedule, basically. They got penalized because Cleveland was in their division.

So Cleveland, who Baltimore, the Ravens, they leave, they become the Ravens, they steal football from Cleveland. Cleveland takes five years to get it back, four years, get it back. It's been a shit show ever since. Cleveland gets some revenge by being so horrible they actually knock down

the Ravens' strength of schedule and the Ravens don't make it. What strength of schedule doesn't take into account is the Dolphins starting a guy named Fales in Week 17. That's not now a 6-10 team, the Dolphins. That's a 2-14 team.

Strength of schedule is garbage. And really, the Bills' biggest highlight in the last 19 years is an Andy Dalton pass to Tyler Boyd for a touchdown, knocking the Ravens out of the playoffs. So I was thinking maybe we have a committee in the NFL so that the next time this happens, it doesn't come down to these stupid gimmick tiebreakers. But it's almost like how they do BCS, where BCS was like, these are the best four teams. People are going to get pissed off that Ohio State's not in it, but just trust us. BCS was like, these are the best four teams. People are going to get pissed off

that Ohio State's not in it, but just trust us. We watch football and these are the best four. With this one, San Diego, clearly the best one. Ridiculous.

I would have said Baltimore until they gave up that fourth and 12. I almost feel like you give up that pass to Andy Dalton. They suck so bad. Then you don't deserve to win.

The Bengals had nothing in the second half and Dalton comes back and throws that and the Ravens, the Ravens are stupid. Then you don't deserve to win. The Bengals had nothing in the second half, and Dalton comes back and throws that. And the Ravens. Well, it seemed like EJ Green got hurt. Right. The Ravens are dumb because they could have done some damage in the playoffs. They can go to Jacksonville and win.

Then it's a toss-up game against Pittsburgh. They should be embarrassed. It's always crazy. Now they're out of it. And I think Flacco had 47 pass attempts, 203 yards. Do you know how miserable that is to watch with a bunch of uh samoan seahawk fans and a bar at 7 45 in the morning and you have the bills to not make the playoffs they were into two jerseys oh man so i would say san diego was definitely

at least the fifth best team probably the third best team but it's a shame they didn't make it but again like they throw away the kicker spot every year yeah and and then they i guess not every year because nate kating had a couple good years but then he lost to the jet he blew one against the jets right in the playoffs but just not being able to get a good kicker this year it's bizarre cost them a five seed much less a six i like idea, and I want to take it a step further. The committee? Well, you said for the... I think you said the Niners could be

in the playoffs and the Chargers could be in the playoffs. But how about the fans vote Sunday after all the games. They get to see one AFC team, one NFC team. It would have been the 49ers against the Chargers. They play Monday night, next Monday night after the first-round playoffs. Winner gets the loser's first-round draft pick.

Who's not watching that? How crazy would that be? That would be the best. I just want to know how Hugh Jackson's coming back. He's 1-31. All these other coaches got fired. I like how arrogant he is, Oh, he's the worst. He's so confident.

It's like, all right, you covered the spread in week 17. We get it. You're not that good. Somebody on Cleveland.com, his name I can't remember, wrote this piece just skewering him that I tweeted yesterday. And it's basically like, how can you be this arrogant? Are you really expecting us to believe that of the 12 games you had that were close last year and your team lost basically all of them?

Yeah. Like, that wasn't your fault. That's not your responsibility at all. He was actually like, nope, nope. Look, we got to get better at stuff. It's like, you're the coach. Right. I just think, and the Browns, bad Browns stats are endless.

If you go on Twitter, you could just find, you'll get a belly laugh from like 10 of them if you just try to dig a little bit. But the fact that Landry Jones beat him in the first day of the year and the last day of the year, you should lose your job right there. Landry Jones has more wins against him than Hugh Jackson had. He does, right. And Ben Roethlisberger is the winningest quarterback in Cleveland.

It's so embarrassing. So I really enjoyed the frenzy. It was fun when Miami almost came back. The Bengals thing was fantastic and was one of the great moments of the year. Meanwhile, Buffalo has McCoy hurt. I think they might be the worst playoff team I've ever seen actually get in the playoffs because I thought they were bad anyway. Without McCoy?

Yeah. Without McCoy, but with McCoy. They lost five of their last ten games. They lost by double digits. It's unclear what they do well. They have a lot of luck. That's what they do well. It seems like it.

To face the Dolphins without, who would have ever thought? I'd be hoping that Cutler was the quarterback. What about Matt Moore? Where was he? No Matt Moore. The game they beat the Colts in the snow, whatever it was, in overtime. The two-point conversion that was called back. They had a lot of luck on their side.

I don't know if that continues or not. The one legit win they had was that Chiefs game. When they went in Kansas City, they beat them 16-10. But even that was like classic ugly Buffalo game. I always worry about teams going into the playoffs who reacted like they won the Super Bowl because they made the playoffs. There's always a red flag. Just having watched them really closely because they played the Patriots twice. McCoy was the only dangerous guy in their whole offense.

And now he's compromised. Now they're going into Jacksonville. People are down on Jacksonville because they looked like shit the last two weeks. Right. But Jacksonville is two teams. They're the team that if it's actually a back and forth football game, they're in a lot of trouble because their QB stinks.

If they're up by 10, they're a really dangerous team that you don't want to bet against. Right. And who's going to show up? This looks like. Let me ask you this. As a Patriots fan, you won't see Jacksonville in the second round. You keep trying to show up? Let me ask you this. As a Patriots fan, you won't see Jacksonville in the second round.

You keep trying to get me scared of Jacksonville. You won't see them. I'm not even including them. It's ludicrous. Stop it. For your first game, Jacksonville's not in the mix because you can't play them. It's Buffalo, it's Tennessee, or it's Kansas City. Who are you most afraid of, least afraid of?

My dad asked me this yesterday, and he's very scared of KC because they look good against the Pats in Week 1 in a game that if Gronk just catches the touchdown, we're up 14-0 and the game's over. And also, I think we've learned now that you just have to throw away September in the NFL, right? Because there's no practice at all. Every team has 70% new guys.

Did the Browns win all their preseason games? Probably i think they did throw away august and september i just i don't think we can learn anything from september i think everybody's kind of learning what to do think about how bad pittsburgh was in september yeah but you should be most afraid of the chiefs most afraid absolutely most afraid because they have they have playmate they have the only of those three teams they're the only ones with speed they have a coach who's coached in a lot of playoff games and blown a lot of playoff games, but has also coached a lot of them. So you want one of these upsets. A quarterback who's gone into Foxborough

and made us sweat a little bit two years ago. Last year or two years ago? When was that game? A couple years ago. It was two, I think, yeah. And, yeah. Two years ago. I think Tennessee's terrible.

They're just flat-out awful. And somehow they. Two years ago. I think Tennessee's terrible. They're just flat-out awful. And somehow they're the five seed. But Jacksonville couldn't do anything. Fournette still looks hurt to me. Right. He's blame-banged up. He doesn't look great. When he's on the sideline, you don't know if he pissed off a coach

or if he tweaked a hamstring or something. That's what's weird with him. Jacksonville has no receiver who can make a play. Like, Westbrook got open for a 40-yard tee. He just dropped it. Well, that's why I kind of feel bad for Bortles a little sometimes. Same with Flacco. I'll rail on him all I can.

But get these guys a deep threat. It's not Mike Wallace for Baltimore. Let's see what this is like with a speedster who can stretch the field. Well, he has Mercedes Lewis is okay. He's like a C-plus tight end. Tight end, yeah. They really don't have that third down scary back who can create a play in the backfield.

The D.N. Lewis type. Although D.N. Lewis is better than that now. Yeldon. Those are the two guys that Bortles would probably need the most. Because anytime he has to actually throw the ball, it's a disaster. He's bad. And yet, I don't know.

They're going to make round two. They're not going to lose to Buffalo. I don't think they will. Unless Buffalo, this is just like a whole team of destiny. This is like one of the great stories. And what needs to happen for Chris Berman to come back? What, as a coach? Where is he?

He should be walking in right now joining this podcast. He was in Maui. Circle the wagons! Oh, he was? You could have watched the game with him. He's one of those Seahawks fans. He's just really tan now.

Right, right, right. But now John Gruden is back. Speaking of broadcasters, he's coaching and he's going to own the Raiders. Is that what's going on? Is this what we have to do to get the sportscasters

we don't like to listen to? Yeah, I don't want to make fun of this because I want to make sure it happens. Great hire by the Raiders to see the stability they need. I'm so confused by the Gruden thing because, for one thing, he hasn't been successful for 15 solid years. Right. There was nine years he didn't coach, and then he had 500 years between the Super Bowl year and his death.

He won the Super Bowl with a completely stacked Tampa team, which he knew, which is why he wanted to go there. Right. And then they went 500 for five straight years, and then he's been on ESPN for the last nine. Yeah. The only case I can remember of somebody coming back like this was Vermeule. Mm-hmm. I don't think he's Dick Vermeer.

Right. He's been in a freaking TV booth for 10 years. Is it just like getting Vegas excited about? I mean, it's a total Al Mark Davis deal anyway. Well, it's funny. Who's excited if your team has John Gruden? Why is this exciting? I think he can cut stupid promos that people sink their teeth it's

like having a character it's like having rex ryan right would you be excited if john gruden was the cowboys coach uh anyone sure any single person tate would you be excited if john gruden was your coach uh tate's all right yeah tate kind of likes john gruden yeah i mean whatever spider 2 web banana i mean it's entertaining my thing'm glad we're getting him off television. That's a big win. Plus, how many jobs did we just save at ESPN? He's making like $7 million a year. That's true.

I don't know if it's fair to think lowly of a coach because of how mediocre they are as a TV announcer. But listening to him announce games the last nine years, he just seemed like the most surface kind of whatever. Maybe he's holding back. I don't know. But do you ever watch a game? Like Romo, I think, could be a coach just from watching the games.

Like, wow, Romo notices shit and picks stuff out. He'd be amazing. Grudens is like, oh, great effort by that guy. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We'll see what happens. But the Raiders need a lot of work. Well, Jerry's bringing the clapper back.

We learned that. I saw that. Great. Great quote about. What did he say? We're in a really good place with him or something? He said something like, we've invested a lot of years in Jason. And now, you know, I'm proud with the progress we've made.

He's invested a lot of years in Jason. I'm at the point where I'm proud with the progress we've made We've invested a lot of years in Jason I'm at the point where I'm reading half the quote I'm not even finishing the one line blurb Because I know where it's going What is Jason doing? So we lost We lost Del Rio We lost Jim Caldwell

We lost John Fox two years ago To death Winless in the division, my god We lost Bruce Fox two years ago to death. Winless in the division. My God. We lost Bruce Arians. Yeah. And we lost Chuck Pagano. We should have known that with the Cardinals.

We had the Seahawks and everything. They're going to play for Arians. They like them. They'll cover that spread at least. I picked them in ZFL. And we lost Pagano. But we only lost five. I thought we would lose like nine or ten.

That's it, right? The problem is there are no good candidates out there because Jim Schwartz is being thrown in all those jobs. Like, great, bring Jim Schwartz back into the NFL. That is the problem. He stunk. Tate, can you look up his record? I'm going to say he was 20 games under.500 as a head coach.

Jim Schwartz? Yeah. It's fair, right? Yeah, maybe. Probably coached for six years. Yeah, probably because those last two years, yeah. What about Tom Cable? He's another big one.

Well, Tom Cable, that's negligence if you hire him. Right. Who's going to hire him? Who was looking at him? I forget. Was it? The Colts. The Colts were.

Yeah. Right? He was one of the worst coaches of the past 15 years. Getting fights. I think Art Schell needs to come back. Schwartz is 29 and 51. 29 and 51. Nice.

Good call. I was 22. I was 22. Was that all with Detroit or did he do anything else? Yeah, that's all with the Lions. Five years with the Lions. He'll go back to the Lions. 29 and 51.

Now, how does he sell that? What were the years that he was a coach, Tate? 09 to 13. How does he sell that in a were the years that he was a coach, Tate? 09 to 13. How does he sell that in a job interview? Five years out. Yeah. Like, I learned some stuff. You know, the GM, that situation didn't help me.

I don't know what you say. What do you say? They say these guys are in a meeting for four hours. Like, for four hours. Who could you talk to for four hours and be impressed? On top cable, on Jim be impressed? Interview me. On top cable, on Jim Schwartz. Interview me.

Pretend you're the Giants GM. I'll be Jim Schwartz. Okay. So in the last five years, what have you done to improve yourself as a coach and a human being? You know, it was a sobering experience in Detroit. I learned a lot. We were in a tough division. Matthew was young at that point. I really think I grew him a lot as a lot. We're in a tough division. Matthew was young

at that point. I really think I grew him a lot as a quarterback. I learned how to deal with the media and how to manage a staff. You're hired. I don't know what he would say. Give me his playbook, Bruce. If you have a normal job

interview, there's no win-loss record. Yeah, right. If you got fired from Jimmy's show tomorrow, which would be hard because you're related, but if you got fired, you went to another job, and you had a win-loss record of your bits, you're like, wow, Sal, you did 1,000 bits, and 89% of them didn't hit with the audience. Yeah, you could still get a boss that doesn't like you to write something nice about you, give you a favorable recommendation. The win-loss record, there's no hiding from it. It's like, you were 29 and a boss that doesn't like you to write something nice about you, give you a favorable recommendation.

The win-loss record, there's no hiding from it. It's like, you were 29-51. What happened? Right. So that was amazing. I think, what do you think is the best job out of those five? Let's assume Gruden takes Oakland. So, all right, we'll say four.

You got Detroit, Chicago, Arizona, or Indianapolis. And you have no idea if Andrew Luck is coming back? I think Detroit. Detroit? I think that division just flips every year, that division. You said Chicago? Detroit, Chicago? Maybe Chicago, just because it's Chicago.

I watch a lot of Trubisky. Before I took that Chicago, I'd want to watch every play he did. It's Tate's boy. He has moments, though. I will say Mays and Tate are both really in on Trubisky. I feel like Trubisky and Mariota are one and the same. You want to

give up on him. Then he just scrambled for a big first down on third and 11. I don't know what's going on. The thing is, I watched every play of that Texans-Jags game basically. Not Texans-Jags, Titans-Jags. They actually could have blown them out.

Like, Decker had a couple big drops in that game that would have been 30-yard plays downfield that he just muffed. They weren't even trying Jacksonville, and they were right in it. It didn't seem like they were trying. They got this fumble down five. They got the ball back down five.

And I think we have to think about we're going to do the lines in a little bit, that Jacksonville-Buffalo game. If Buffalo can just hang and just keep it within three points and maybe get some dumb whatever and just make it so that Jacksonville can't just do play

action and that's the only way Bortles can succeed. They can hang around. Can I just say this? We look for an underdog in these games. The favorites were 4-0 in the wildcard round last year. I don't even think it was close. I think they were all double digits. Pittsburgh beat up on Miami. Houston beat Oakland with no quarterback.

What were some of the others? The Giants lost to Green Bay. And the fourth was Seattle late into Detroit, I think. But we don't have to find an underdog in this batch if we don't want to. No, I mean, this has been the year. Could be all four favorites. The favorites have been phenomenal.

I had a really good year. I went 50. How much did you make? 52, 30, and 3 in the Super Contest. Oh, I thought you were going to tell us your salary. You said you had a really good year. Tate, didn't you think? How much did you save?

I can beep it out. I missed the money in the Super Contest by a half count. Oh, that's crazy. I had the Z. It basically came down to Jacksonville plus three. And then in ZFL, I think it's been a relatively easy year, which makes me nervous for the playoffs. You and I are in the playoffs.

This is where we go head-to-head. You pick every game on the slate. But I have an advantage against you. Yeah, I don't play you this week. Oh, you don't play me this week. Yeah, yeah. It makes me nervous that things have been so easy. That's never a good sign.

Right, right. So a couple questions. I've written about this for years and years. The WOC team. Every year there's one team. Everybody writes off. Everybody thinks they're terrible. so a couple questions we i've written about this for years and years the walk team every year there's one team everybody writes off everybody thinks they're terrible cross them off they're not and then all of a sudden they start making shit happen in january i think a great example were the 2015 ravens who people just wrote off they sucked sucked. They win round one. They go on to Foxborough.

They're up 14 against the Pats in the second half. The Pats have to fight back just to pull it out. Who do you think would be the wonk team this year? Out of the 12 we have. The team that has talent, but everybody's crossing them off. Is it the Chiefs? I don't trust these AFC teams. Is it the Jags? I think it's the Chiefs. Can you call them a wonk team? They won their division. Could it be the Chiefs? I don't trust these AFC teams. Is it the Jags? I can't.

I think it's the Chiefs. Can you call them a Wong team? Like they won their division. Could it be the Panthers? Because I feel like terrible about the Panthers. You don't want to sleep. Those NFC South offenses seem so sleepy sometimes, you know? They don't go two games in a row, three games in a row. Could it be the Eagles?

No, it's not the Eagles. Everyone's crossed the Eagles off. I was just in Jeff Chow's office, Eagles fan. And I was like, yeah, so you'll lose in round two. He's like, wow, we're losing now. I'm like, yeah, everybody thinks you're going to lose. Maybe that's the one. I think they're an underdog.

In round two? If the Saints go to, would it be Saints, Eagles? Let's say the Saints go there. It'd be Saints, Panthers, or Falcons. Right. I think they're an underdog, the Eagles. I can't think of a scenario that would make me want to bet on Nick Foles in a

playoff game. No, you couldn't do it. If he was playing one of the AFC teams, maybe. They were trying against the miserable Cowboys, and they didn't score. Let's take a quick break to talk about wine. Sal, our wives love wine. They love whining about our faults. They love wine. Did your wife drink wine in Hawaii?

Lots of wine, lots of champagne. Lots of champagne. Yeah. Great. Well, I'm glad we signed them up for Wink, a personalized wine membership that recommends wine specifically for me based on the results of my palate profile quiz. What a great day for a holiday gift.

Too bad the holidays are past. Their wine experts match wines to your personal taste and ship them right to your door for as little as $13 a bottle. You were with Carollo. Oh, yeah. How many bottles of wine for him? He's a big wine guy. We should sign him up for Wink.

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Right now, Wink, offering my listeners $20 off your first shipment. All you have to do is go to trywink, with a C, trywink.com, slash BS. That is T-R-Y-W-I-N-C dot com slash BS. Give me one Corolla story before we talk about round one. Corolla, New Year's Eve, we paid for this, we went to a luau. Yeah. And you know how, they just got you over a barrel New Year's Eve. So it's like 160 for adults and 80 for kids, whatever. He didn't like that. So it's like $160 for adults and $80 for kids, whatever.

He didn't like that. He didn't like it. And the kids, eight minutes into the luau, are like, can we get out of here? And he's furious because he's paid for all this thing. And there's guys eating fire and throwing fire to their buddies and everything. Kids didn't like that? If this was on America's Got Talent, you would be like, that's the winner right there. But these kids, they're looking at their iPads and they're on their phones like, hey, can we go?

I was like, what are you going to do? You're going to go back to the room and just look at your iPads and be on your phone. At least you might catch a fire to the head or something. So Carolla's like, he's furious that they want to leave. And they finally, my wife and his wife are like, I'm just going to take them back to the room. So now it's me, him, and Danny. He's like, these kids are worthless he says so that they could all hear he says they're worthless

and then we get back to the room now it's still new year's eve now it's like eight nine o'clock and daniel our friend daniel who's just on fire the whole time he's like hey let's order room service for the kids we want to order room service for the kids dan's like we just we're at a luau we're just at a luau we're not now we're on a room service for the kids? Dan's like, we just were at a luau. We're just at a luau. We're not, no, we're on a room service for the kids. Like, two pizzas and four Sprites is 90 bucks. Carol's like, I give up, Dan. I was like, our lives are a thousand times better than, our kids' lives are a thousand times better than our lives were as kids.

Do they have to be 10,000 times better? Do you have to make it 10? So they were fighting. It was great. You would have loved it. Oh, man. It is crazy. The kid's intention.

Ah, we're stepping on parent quarter. I know. Parent quarter's coming up. It's like the luau. It's like July 4th fireworks, which when we were kids were the most exciting things possible. Yeah, you look up from your freaking iPad. And now it's like it's just another thing. I don't care.

Real quick. Best team against the spread? I know you wanted to go over this real quick oh yeah that well i was proud of my pats 11 and 5 again but they weren't the best though vikes 11 4 and 1 vikings case makes sense eagles 10 and 6 chiefs 10 and 6 kind of surprises me uh worst team it was the browns the seahawks? Browns, 4-12. If you bet $1,000 on each game, you win $7,600. Broncos, 4-11-1,

starting with that Sunday night Giants. They shit the bed. Raiders, 5-9-2. The Broncos, though, they're 4-11-1, but they covered the first two. That's what I'm saying. So 2-11-1 after. It started with that Giants Sunday night game. I think they had to be 3-0, 4-0. No, it was the Chargers Monday night game when Koo missed the kick.

Was that what it was? Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, their slide started with that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Raiders 5-9-2, Dolphins 5-9-2. Who do we have for MVP? I didn't see odds for that. Oh, I didn't see it either.

I looked for it today. It wasn't even available. I talked you and House out of it. I hope I'm not wrong here. No, I think you were right. I think Brady's going to win because Gur either. I looked for it today. It wasn't even available. I talked you in-house out of it. I hope I'm not wrong here. No, I think you were right. I think Brady's going to win because Gurley sat out week 17, which was stupid. Before we get to round one, let's talk about Jimmy Guapolo. A couple readers suggested Jimmy Guapolo for Jimmy G.

It's pretty good. Jimmy Guapolo. It's pretty good. Or do you like Jimmy Guapo? Jimmy Guapo's cleaner, I think. What do you think, Tate? I can do Jimmy Guapo. Yeah. Jimmy Guapo or Guapo? Jimmy Guapo, though. That's pretty good. Or do you like Jimmy Guapo? Jimmy Guapo's cleaner, I think. What do you think, Tate? I can do Jimmy Guapo. Yeah.

Jimmy Guapo or Jimmy Jesus? How about Jimmy? But all week, you and I are texting. Right. And we're just making more and more bets with the Niners money line in it. And I think by the time Sunday rolled around, I had like seven different parlays with the Niners money line, just basically using them as the swing team. And I'm texting you going, do we have enough money on the Niners?

Should we put more money on this? Why don't we have more money on this? It seemed like a setup. I felt like Joe Pesci in the Goodfellas scene, going to get made and walking into the hotel room that has the plastic over the carpets already. And it wasn't a setup. They killed them.

And so the moment I saw Sean Mannion throw a spiral, I was like, oh, man. I just like, do we trust Mannion at home? What are we worried about? Let's let it all go on the Niners. Jimmy G. Congrats to Jimmy, though. Jimmy was, I think the gambling MVPs of this year were Jimmy G and going against the Falcons in weeks when they had too much respect for them, which, of course, I didn't do half the time.

Tate, have you ever in your life, ever in your life, seen people make a bigger deal out of a guy with eight touchdowns and five interceptions? Has it ever been close? He's 5-0 as a starter, Sal. Five interceptions. Eight touchdowns, five interceptions. Those are his stats?

Yeah. He had two interceptions yesterday, and no one talked about it. Seven and five as a starter. He had one bad interception. I got to say. He had one interception. I was like, oh, man.

Not so guapo. I told my dad about it. Let's just calm down a little bit. Just a tiny bit. Let's calm down with the Jimmy G stuff. My dad's won 10 titles. The Celtics have three lottery picks in a row and have real good chance to get the Lakers' top five pick.

And you're upset. And completely won the Kyrie trade. And every time I talk to my dad, we have to talk about Garoppolo for five minutes. And why did we give up a second round pick for him? And why did Belichick cave? And what's wrong with Belichick? Well, listen, you're doing the right thing.

You're making money off him, so it doesn't sting as much. That's what I told him. It didn't. He's just like, I don't understand. We could have kept him. They should have just told Brady to leave.

My dad was ready to like just shank Brady for Jimmy. If we had a good run with Brady, it's time for him to go. You got to move on for the next guy. My dad's like, that's what I did as superintendent.

When it's time, it's time. I'm like, all right, settle down, Dad. How many unnecessary minutes has Brady played under Belichick? And he just never bites him in the ass. He's in that jet game. They're up two and a half touchdowns. Like, come on. Never, ever.

Like, thousands of unnecessary minutes. I will say, Belichick handled Gronk this year. I give him an A++++ for every decision they made with Gronkowski this entire year. They didn't even throw him the ball in Week 17. No, zero. He blocked, and that was it. We never sent him over the middle of the whole year unless we absolutely had to. And that Pittsburgh game, needed touchdown.

That last drive, every single time they threw it to him, the field opens up. Like, they could throw to him all the time. They just wanted to get him to round two. Well, you think that's it? Or is he a company guy? And did you see the bonus he missed out on? No, he's fine. What was it?

He needed like 166 more yards? They'll take care of him under the table. He's probably got a stake in TB12. That Kraft cheese money. That's right. Oh, one more thing before we get to the lines. Cleveland with the first pick and the fourth pick. Almost impossible.

Why couldn't they just take two quarterbacks? Impossible for them to get it right, you mean. What if they took two quarterbacks? They could. What if they took whoever is the number one guy and then take another franchise guy of four and just bring them both in and just be like 50% chance with one of these guys? Go at it, yeah.

And now it's like now we have 100% chance. Like Steve Walsh and Aikman. When was the last time they did something like that? Trade one of them? Yeah. They can do that? Listen, they have a lot of work to do. Tate, would you do that? Just bring in two top four quarterbacks? You can't do that? Listen, they have a lot of work to do. Tate, would you do that?

Just bring in two top four quarterbacks? You can't do that. Not this year. I would just draft an actual offensive lineman. Can they fix the whole line? Not this year. I'm not Adam Kaiser. I'm not totally out of here.

Tate's not Adam Kaiser. Kaiser's like 18 years old. Maybe they should just trade for Landry. That guy beats the hell out of them. Landry Jones is good. He should be their quarterback, Landry Jones. He's a good backup. I like Landry Jones.

That's our guy. All right, let's do round one, because we also have to talk about Super Bowl matchup bets and stuff like that, too. So let's do round one. All right. First game. What's the shaky special this year, Sal? Shakey special. We gather for the banquet, our fantasy league at Shakey's this Saturday.

My farewell. Tennessee at Kansas City. There's a lot of controversy surrounding your statements, whether they be legit or not. Controversy in what sense? Well, should you be legit or not. Controversy in what sense? Well, should you be allowed to do this? Just take yourself out of the running,

denying Damoshek the joy of kicking somebody out. I'm an American. I can make my own choices. Well, first of all, prove that you're an American. I thought you were born in the United States. I thought you were born in Kenya, but okay. But I don't know. Damoshek says you should sit for three years for doing something like this. Oh, like I care what Damoshek says.

He's nine and seven and wins our stupid fantasy title. Ridiculous. All right, well, you guys can talk about it, Shakey. He's Tennessee at Kansas City. Can't wait to talk about it with Damoshek. Did we figure out why this isn't Buffalo versus Jacksonville? I called it wrong.

I thought for sure it was Buffalo-Jacksonville. What was their reasoning? Tennessee-Kent City is a much better game than Buffalo-Jacksonville. I don't understand it. I thought this would be early Sunday for sure. It's not. So what did I pick for Tennessee-Kent? You got this. You said 7.5.

You killed me this week. I said 5. I thought it'd be low. Okay, we should say we sent our lines to each other Sunday night because it's too easy to see them. Right. Phil actually sent his lines to me for the first time. Yeah. You said 7.5.

It opened at 7.5. Chiefs are 9. Favorite by 9. 9? Up to 9. That's too high. As bad as Tennessee is, that's too high. The Chiefs should

not be trusted. So it's just a stay away then. You can't even tease the Chiefs. They're the only home team that won this past Sunday. Everybody, every other home team is coming in with a loss. Is it a tale of three seasons like Peter King says? They had the big first three

or four games. They beat up the Patriots. Then they lost in the middle. They couldn't find themselves. And now they've really kind of come together. Won an unnecessary game against the Broncos and three before that, right? I go back to what my friend Connor texted me as a big Chiefs fan when they were in their swoon,

that they were three plays away from being one of the best four teams in the league. They blew three games on three specific plays that blew the game for them. It wasn't like they were getting their asses kicked. I thought that was an interesting point. And they righted the ship. We bet on them a couple times. I think the Chiefs, I thought they were the fourth best team in the AFC.

They took care of business on a Saturday night against the Chars, I thought they were the fourth best team in the AFC. They took care of business on a Saturday night against the Chargers, which I think we have to respect. And they finished the season all right. And I think Smith's playing a little bit better. You don't want to play Tyreek Hill. You don't want to play Kareem Hunt. Kelsey gets hot. That could be a decent

offense if it starts clicking for a month. Make the case for Tennessee for me in this game. I don't know. I was thinking about your gambling manifesto. Yeah. And I know we're dying to pick an underdog here, but one of the big ones might have been the top one was don't pick an underdog unless you think they can win.

You know? I don't think they can win. I don't know if I would take Titans here. I don't think this is my underdog. It's really... Mariota takes so long to get going. Are we getting DeMarco Murray in this game? We don't know.

They don't know that. I do like Derrick Henry, but he was having a little trouble against the eight-man Jacksonville front. Did these teams play this year? No, they did not. No. I would say my fear with Tennessee

is just what happens if they're down 10 and they have to throw the ball because I don't trust any of their receivers I don't trust one of them well if they're down used to be good just is has not been uh yeah not been great yeah but it's like even yesterday they got a 66 yard screen pass other than that they didn't really do much chiefs are more talented I think their defense is finding itself. Mike Malarkey, too. Don't sleep on that one.

Reid could beat Malarkey. The shame of it is that they're not the sixth seed because they played Jacksonville so many times now. I actually think they— You would want to see that again? Yeah. Well, I wouldn't want to see it as a football fan, but I think from— Just let them take care of themselves? Well, no.

I just think it would be a better game. I think they have a lot of confidence against Jacksonville and they feel like they can run the ball down their throat and do some stuff. Do we take anything from the Mariota stiff arm? Oh. I don't know. That was a great play. He almost got sacked twice.

That's what I mean. He comes alive, but it's not enough. I have to look at this more. Listen, I always have the same fear with Andy Reid that I did with Marty Schottenheimer last decade. When they are favored by more than seven points in a home playoff game with a team that's not that good, that makes me nervous.

Let's look at it. I don't know that that's happened a lot. Tank, quick thoughts. Yeah, I think the Chiefs won that one. Okay. Yeah. It feels like 27-13. The Titans are the worst playoff team I've seen. Tink, quick thoughts. Yeah, I think the Chiefs won that one. Okay. Yeah. It feels like 27-13. The Titans are the worst playoff team I've seen.

Titans worse than Bills. Yeah. Since that Seahawks team that was 7-9. Wow. That team was pretty bad. And the Titans had, they were getting a five no matter what if they won. A five seed like that.

They couldn't even drop to six. Jesus. Just say FC. Tennessee's best win this year they beat they beat the hell out of jacksonville week two they beat seattle in week three they beat indy cleveland baltimore and cincy the last three by three three and four they beat the colts their best one was houston when we bet them and they had that Henry touchdown to break the bus and spread at the end. That was Houston week 13.

No Deshaun Watson. They lose three straight and then they beat Jacksonville 15-10. Last... Wow. They lost three straight and then beat Jacksonville who wasn't really trying. Jesus.

Tate might be right about this. Since week seven, 12 points, 23, 24, 17, 20, 24, 7, 23, 23, 15. That is not an explosive offense. It's going to be hard to determine which is our favorite teaser this week. Well, that worries me, though, because I think everybody's going to be throwing KC in a tease. They're going to be right. They're going to win. It feels like a six-and-a-half pointer.

KC's last four games, 26, 30, 29, and 27, and they had 31 in week 13. And that's changing the offensive court, not the offensive court, but the play caller exactly right when you started reading those off, I think, four weeks ago. So 31 against the Jets in New York, 26 against Oakland, 30 against the Chargers, 29 against Miami, 27 against Denver with the second string. So if they're in that 27 range, I don't think the Titans beat them. I think if they get to 24, they probably win. I need to look at it more. It looks too easy.

I don't trust Andy Reid. What's the next one? Saturday night, Atlanta at it more. It looks too easy. I don't trust Andy Reid. What's the next one? Saturday night, Atlanta at LA Rams. Someone will ask you to go to this game, and you will say what? I'll laugh. I'll laugh for like 30 seconds, and then ask them if they're crazy. Why? This is a good game.

This is a good game. Can I watch it on TV? Of course. Have a nice TV. Yeah, I know, but there's nothing. This is one like there's nothing else going on. Could be fun, Saturday night, under the lights. Sounds like he went and got invited.

No, I don't care. I don't care to be invited, but I think we're taking this for granted. This is a good playoff game. It's a Super Bowl. Who's taking it for granted? I love this game. I love this game. It's a great game.

At the Rams. Great game. What do you have for me? I said four. I went way low on these. You said six. You get it. It's six and a half. It opened at six. Now up to six and a half. And you are taking the Rams, no question. I know you have to write a column and everything, but you love the Rams all year. I really like the Rams. I think they're good. And I think the one game that was shaky for them was

that at Minnesota game when it was 24-7, but it was a closer game than that. And they dropped some passes and they looked young and inexperienced. And the Eagles game. They learned from that. And which one? No, the Eagles. They played better in that game.

The one game that I would look at and make me nervous is that Minnesota game. But I think they're fast on both sides. I thought Gurley was the best player I saw all year. Goff would be the thing that makes me nervous. But on the flip side, I don't know why, but I watched a lot of Atlanta this year. I either was betting for them or against them in a lot of these games, including Week 17.

Seven to nine against the spread, yep. You just watch them every week, and you don't understand why they're not better. The weapons they have. They're the great pumpkin of the NFL, right? It's just every week. Let's just say it's not coming. It's like Julio had his 200-yard game, I think, somewhere in there,

but that's just not going to happen. Their receivers are never open. They either run it right up the middle for two yards, or they run those 45-degree angle things that work for about a quarter before the other team figures it out. There's no trickery at all. They never have a reverse. There's never any sort of quick screen pass, any of that stuff.

And then they throw the ball over the middle, and their guys get racked. Like Jones in the first quarter got annihilated over the middle. Just like needless shit. They don't make it easy for their guys at all. It doesn't seem like their guys are open and they have bad luck and they're super sloppy. I actually trust their defense more than their offense. I was just going to say, I think their defense could maybe keep them in. Their front seven's good.

Right. And I think with this game, I think they could shut down Gurley, and I think the Rams are going to have to beat them going deep. It'll be close, you think? But I think the Rams are fast, and they could feast on Ryan and just make it uncomfortable. Also, like, outdoors, don't team outdoors. Yeah. Don't team outdoors at night.

Ryan could just get his ass kicked, or the Rams could be like, this is great, we're in the playoffs and we have to find our footing for three quarters. They're poorly coached. I keep coming back to that. I think the Rams are really well coached. I think they have good coaches and a plan and they'll run it up

and they'll do stuff and the Falcons are just they're dumbasses. Sarkeesian is just awful. He's a terrible offensive coordinator. That was a bad switch. I mean, there's nothing they could do about it. Really hurts them. It's frustrating because I...

Sarkeesian against Wade Phillips. That's a loss. It seems like it. It seems like Wade Phillips, if you just watch a week of... You're just watching four months of tape on this team. Wade Phillips would be like, oh, they do this, this, and this.

I'll just take that stuff out. Now what do you do? I don't know what they're going to do. And I think Ryan, even though he had bad luck with the interceptions this year, he doesn't look right. He doesn't look, doesn't seem confident. Is this line over seven? I'm higher in the Rams than you, though.

You are, but I think this line could be eight if they weren't the NFC champions. And then if you don't have the new team getting their jitters out in the playoff game versus the team that's been there before. Because talent-wise, I think this is an eight or nine point favorite. Yeah, but they've gotten a lot of respect the whole year. The Falcons, right? It seems like even that Week 17 game against the Panthers, I thought the line was going to be two. And they always get the extra two points

because people keep waiting for Atlanta to come together. I don't know. I would be very concerned about them on the road, too. All right. Sunday. And also, the other thing, I hesitate to mention this because it bums me out But I don't think Freeman's

Been the same Since the concussions And I don't blame him Yeah But I just think he was The guy that we saw Last year in the Super Bowl

That the Patriots Could not stop For any Any hope at all And for some reason They weren't giving the ball enough I don't I haven't seen that

That from him this year I'm trying to see What his best game was I don't even know It just doesn't look the same. No. Tate, NFC South, you've watched the Falcons. Is there a stink to them? Yeah, but

I wouldn't count them out. I don't know. I don't like teams that rest before they go in the playoffs like that. What do you mean? Like what the Rams did last week. They take that bad loss to the 49ers. The Falcons get a big win to get in the playoffs. I don't know. Yeah.

The case for the Falcons is they're talented, and they played a really good schedule against good division opponents, and they're weathered. Yeah. Whereas the Rams have only played, I don't know, five tough games that whole season. It's good. It's a weird position for a first-round Super Bowl team who's winning 28-3 to be in the no-one-believes-in-us spot

in the first round of the playoffs against a team that hasn't been there forever. I will say this from a manifesto standpoint. It's okay to take the Falcons because they could win their game. Right, sure. You take them plus 6.5, it's like, yeah, they could win. They could play well, and Julio could go off. That would now have gone back and forth 17 times.

I like the Rams. I don't think I'm wavering on that one. But, you know, they have a good pass rush. Yeah. I like Beasley. They have talent. But I just think everyone's sleeping on the Rams. I actually think they're better than people realize.

All right, Sunday morning. Sunday, 10 a.m., 1 p.m. Eastern. Buffalo at Jacksonville. There it is. I said five. I don't know why I went solo. That was really dumb. You said nine.

Opens at seven. It's up to nine. If McCoy was healthy I think the line's 7.5 a little better a little better I think he's worth

at least 2 points we haven't mentioned Doug Marone that he's a pretty good coach I think I would say he's in the upper half

he fled the Bills yeah I don't think the Bills care I don't think any of the Bills blame him no

I think they would also try Kyle Williams is the only one who seems to like being a Bill. Yeah, everyone else is kind of horrified by it. I think it's a bad sign for the Bills that they have all these double-digit losses. And what happens if they're down 20-10? I haven't seen a receiver on their team that is above average. Even Kelvin Benjamin's probably

the closest but he looks like he's got like 17 injuries I think that uh that play against the Patriots took him out of the season I just think like he's like all right I'm done that's it I feel like playing much anyway but after that see it's a very easy team to stop I don't know listen I don't want to crap on him I had them not to make the playoffs. I went to school upstate New York. There's no better fan base. They're diehards. They're showing up without their shirts at 2 in the morning to greet the Bills, but

I don't think this is close. What does I don't want to crap on them mean? We're having a football conversation here. They're not a good team. The Bills fans know they're not a good team. You think the Bills are like, we have a great team we're gonna win the super i think they do i think they do was the music city miracle their last playoff game is that 99 yeah 99 that was it this is the first playoff game in the 21st century that's insane 2018 all right well let them

go to the playoffs they won that's fine i'll i'll write my bookie a check for that. I don't care, but let them go. They beat the Jets. They beat the Broncos. Say no more. They beat the Falcons in Atlanta in week four. That was a crazy game. Something was called bad. There was something weird there with a long play or something.

They beat Tampa and Oakland at home. They beat KC 16-10. They beat the Colts 13-7 in that crazy blizzard game. That was a gift. They beat that Jekyll and Hyde Miami team. Tampa, right? And then they beat Miami again. Oh, right.

Miami. They beat Miami twice in the past three weeks. Once with Fales. Once with Nick Fales. Once with McC Fales. What was Fales' first name? I don't even think he had one. The parents were like, you're Fales.

The really crazy thing is the point differential. When they lose, it's bad? No, they're minus 57 for the year they made the playoffs. And then Tennessee was minus 22. The Chargers were plus 83. And the Ravens were plus 92. They didn't make it. Wow.

That's fucking nuts. Wow. Insane. I'm telling you. Chargers, Niners, Monday night for the first round pick. Just do it. That'd be great. Just do it. But then you'd be better off playing in that game versus the real playoffs.

No, but listen. Football wants a little... That doesn't affect anybody's season stats or anything. Just do that. It's fun. What's that? Oh, no. We got one more.

One more. Carolina at New Orleans. Sunday late afternoon. This is a good game. Tate is terrified of this game. Terrified. Well, I'm sure somebody's going to have the stats. Dave Tooley.

Every time I challenge Dave Tooley, he comes through. He'll do it. Dave Tooley, at view from Vegas. I'd love to know the team that gets swept twice in the regular season series when they play the third time, what their record is against the spread. Against the spread. Because I bet that's happened. It seems to happen like once every three years.

Look at that. He just said that. Is he here? 14-12-1. No, I don't know. So they lose to the Saints twice. Yeah. But I remember being in this situation before

with the Steelers and Bengals maybe. Yeah, sure. And the third time it's really tough to do the three game sweep they say that that's the thing that everyone says all the time but I wonder if it is so yeah help us out Dave Tooley I don't know I think we gauge it by how nervous Tate is of

this game well what do we have for a line what did I pick we both said four and it's six and a half that surprised me you think it's too high? I do. I do. I think the Saints— I've just seen both these offenses struggle so much when I needed them to come through.

Watching the Saints with the amount of talent they have, you never felt like they were running on all cylinders for four straight quarters. Right. When they need to pass, I'm never totally confident they're going to get it. Kamara's unstoppable. Maybe they've been kind of saving him for the playoffs. If they fully unleash him in a playoff game, I'd be terrified if I was betting on the other team. Kamara, Ingram, top five running back group in 10 years.

Well, so that's their recipe, right? When that Rams game slipped away from them, they flipped and they started power running, and they actually almost came back in that game. And maybe that's just what they should do. Maybe it's like ball control, just ram it down Carolina's throat. Tate, what are you most nervous about? Michael Thomas.

Can you cover him? No. They can't. I think they've given up 30 points in both games. It was 34 in the first game I was at that game. The Saints dominated. Then the second game they gave up 31. They can't stop Drew Brees.

It's just, yeah. I don't see it changing, really. What is Drew Brees versus the Panthers in your life? How scared are you on a scale of 1 to 10? 10. 10? I still think Drew Brees, in my personal opinion, I think he's the best quarterback in the NFL.

So he tears off the Panthers. Well, then why didn't they try against the Falcons? They could have had the home game. That's what I was telling Bill. They should have tried. Freaking tried. If they win the Atlanta game, they get a home game against the Saints because the Saints lose to the Buccaneers.

And then this changes everything if they play at home. They were so bad. Brees outdoors. Yeah, they were so bad Sunday. It was terrible. And that was the worst thing to see going into the playoffs. But Jonathan Stewart's coming back So that may help

They have a run game at least But I'm not optimistic Do you have an above average receiver? Yeah, well Funches is hurt That's the problem Yeah It seems like he's got like a fucked up shoulder Yeah

And it's like And they don't want to send him over the middle anymore Yeah The only time he does that is on the goal line now He runs these slants where they's like a run pass option, and then Cam just throws it as hard as he can. Sometimes he catches it, sometimes he doesn't. And your second receiver's out now.

Yeah. Because I was looking for my playoff DraftKings lineup. Who's that guy, Burson, the white guy? Yeah. He's like three million. He's like the minimum. This is his last year. Burson might be one of my DraftKings guys.

He's Jerry's guy. He went to Wofford, so this might be his last year. So who's your second receiver? Who's your DraftKings minimum salary guy? Yeah, I mean, it might be Burson. It's basically McCaffrey's the number two guy. Probably number one. Carolina's got to drop anyone that went to Wofford at this point, right?

You have a big gripe with Wofford now. The case for Carolina in this game is Cam's just going to have to be out of his mind. And even then, I don't know if he has the receivers. I don't think they're going to be able to pound the ball on the Saints. I'm not counting McCaffrey because I think out of the eight teams, Stewart's the worst running back out of all eight teams we're going to see this weekend. Well, unless Buffalo's second string. I guess if McCoy doesn't play. Is that going to Buffalo's second string. I guess if McCoy doesn't play.

Is that going to be Mike Tolbert? Yeah, if McCoy doesn't play, yeah. But this feels like another one this game could get out of hand. Cam's been weird. He's had a couple great games, but for the most part, I think he's been a little too erratic. If the Panthers can get ahead and get like 10-3, 10-0, have the ball, run the ball, then that changes everything.

But if Drew Brees is on the field for the majority of the game, I mean, it's over. When was Keekly's last blue tent visit? No, he's fine. Has he had a blue tent visit in 2017? Well, he's had two, I think. Two? Yeah. The Vicodin?

Yeah, he's all right. One, two, he was just going by. He was just going by to say hi to one of them and give holidays. Seeing old friends. How are Thomas Davis's knees? Good. He's okay. He'll be back.

You got Charles. Charles Johnson will be back. I mean, the whole defense is healthy, so that's good news, but I don't know. Do you like playing in a dome? No. This is bad for them. You're scrambling for an underdog. This is what you're doing right now.

You're looking so hard for an underdog. It might be the Titans. It really might be. That line just might be too high. You might have to just trust Andy going against Andy Reid. Boy. Well, it does seem like Jacksonville and the Saints is a very logical tease. And you like the Rams, too.

You love the Rams. Well, I'm just saying, if you're just like, I'm going to bet my life on a tease. Jacksonville and the Saints. You do a six and a half point tease with Jacksonville and the Saints, and basically Cam Newton has to beat you. Right. But that's what Cam does. He has a really, really bad game, and then somehow he comes back the next week

and looks like an MVP again, and everyone freaks out. He'll scramble for 30 yards in a big play. The one thing with Cam in a game like this is you're getting like Russell Westbrook, off russell westbrook cam yeah where it's just like i'm not trying to slide i'm not running out of bounds i'm throwing my body around when they lost the falcons everybody and he always plays bad in atlanta people get upset about that because it's like a hometown thing but he always plays bad there for some reason and uh i don't know for for whatever reason i could see him running for like 100 yards

against the saints and they win somehow. Do you like your coach? Yeah. Riverboat. All right. They're going to pull out all the stops, I hope. Well, here's a New Year's resolution you can keep. What was your New Year's resolution, Sal? I want to gain 35 pounds.

I'm getting in crazy shape this year. All carbs. You are? Yeah. I'm getting in crazy shape this year. All carbs. You are? Yeah. I'm getting rid of sugars and desserts and I want to play in the Drew League. Which league? I want to play in the Drew League. The LA Summer League. Oh, really? Oh, nice.

The Ringer had a team in the Drew League. I want to play basketball with Tate and Titus. I'm coming back. I'm getting in shape. That was my New Year's resolution. Here's another New Year's resolution you can keep. Add stamps.com to your business and save a ton of time and money this year. Buy and print official U.S. postage with your own computer and printer.

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Use my code BS for this special offer a four-week trial plus postage plus a digital scale ready for a happy new year go to stamps.com click on the microphone top of the home page type in bs that is stamps.com enter bs sign up today um there you go as people who love gambling and love any dumb excuse to gamble neither of us can recommend the Super Bowl matchup bet. We've learned over time. They've figured it out. They've figured it out. There are no odds that really make it worth in your favor.

Like, for instance, I think— They look nice, some of them, but it's just not— They look nice, but I like Rams-Patriots. It's only 8-1. I'm better off just betting the Rams week after week and doing it that way versus bringing in five different games into that bet, basically, because the Rams would have to win three straight.

The Pats would have to win two. 8-1 is just a dumb bet. I did Rams-Patriots and Vikings-Patriots two weeks ago. But those aren't Yeah those aren't The odds weren't good two weeks ago I know But I have to bet it What are you going to do

I'm degenerate The I was looking at some of like the long shot ones And you'd have to take like the Falcons For anything to be kind of worth it Right Even like Falcons Steelers Is only 35 to 1

Right Yeah You'd be better off just betting the Falcons every week at that point. Three in a row, Falcons. There'll be an underdog every week. Yep. Yeah.

With a lot less risk. Steelers would have to beat the Patriots in Foxborough. Sure. Rams-Steelers was 17-1. I thought that... The problem with the Rams is they had that third game, which makes it tough. Eagles-Pats was only nine to

one which I don't understand oh god so NFC champions Vikings are plus 160 Jesus Saints plus 360 Rams plus 450 Eagles plus 500 Falcons 10 to 1 Panthers 14-1 They basically don't want you to make money from these bets No And then The AFC champions Pats are minus 150 Which is actually a pretty good bet That's probably the only really

Yeah Right? Smart bet Okay so if they They're gonna play They're gonna be 10 point favorites in round two over anybody. Right. And then the Steelers game, they'll be six-point favorites.

Minus 250. So you're basically parlaying round two with round three. You can go against it. Yeah, it's about right. Chiefs are 9-1. Jags 10-1. The Bills are 6-1, and the Titans are 65-1. So Vegas agrees with you that the Titans

are actually worse. Tate, Panthers 14 to one. Jump on it. NFC. I like it. Let's do it. Why wouldn't we bet the Pats minus 150? No, we should. We should because it's a little... We go against that. We won't, but yeah. Yeah, they have to play the Steelers in the championship game. Steelers round two would

be plus 200, I'm guessing. Yeah, it would be 250, 200, I think. Minus 150, that's pretty good. They must know something. My dad's really worried about this Pats team. Because the trainer's not allowed on the sidelines? Well, there's that. He doesn't like the fact that our receivers,

like Mitchell's probably not playing, Hogan's banged up. he thinks we're missing a receiver. Listen to you. We don't have – This is what it's come to. My dad's worried Mitchell's not playing. Running back. This is the worst thing you could say about the Patriots.

He's worried Deion Lewis is getting too many carries. All right, that's a real thing. Deion Lewis has been amazing. Yeah. By the way, Matt Patricia's getting thrown around as a head coach. Oh, someone's going to get him, right? You don't think so? It's pretty funny. Yeah. By the way, Matt Patricia is getting thrown around as a, as a head coach. Someone's going to get him, right?

You don't think so? It's pretty funny. Yeah. I put this way. I will lose no sleep that night. Really? Yeah. They just get somebody else.

Belichick's the defensive coordinator. I know, but you're worried about Mitchell not playing this week. Not worried about Matt Patricia. I think, uh, where can he go? The success rate of these guys that leave the Belichick nest has not been good. What's weird is it's not going to be any team because Bowles is staying, which is good.

I like him. Gase seems to be staying. And so everybody in the East, you don't have to worry about anybody losing Patricia. Gase did a really bad job this year, and that team was a top three sloppy slash undisciplined team that I watched.

And they had way more talent than... I don't know what happened with them. Quickly, before we get to parent corner... Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. before we get to parent corner oh oh yeah okay eastern conference nba oh just just throwing this out here for america because i like to do nice stuff from time to time and i don't think i'm not saying this will happen

i'm just saying you know i like to go where the value is The Milwaukee Bucks 25-1 They're winning the East right now Watch them pretty carefully over the break They have one of the best five players In the league I like their crunch time

I actually think they have guys who can play defense. The X factor is the coach. But that's too high to me. They have to beat Boston and Cleveland. They'll be a 3-7-1 underdog? I'm just saying, I don't know if the numbers make sense. They have one of the best five guys in the league. And other good guys.

And they have Jabari Parker coming back. And there's a possibility of that. There's another trade they can maybe make, too. Yeah. But they lost this crazy game in Toronto last night that they should have won. That they're up for. Giannis going to the basket. Ibaka blocks him at the rim.

Crazy block. DeRozan gets a three-point play. Ends up going to overtime. DeRozan gets 52. We're looking all right. We're looking all right with our... 25-1 is intriguing. I'm just going to mention that to America.

All right. We have... What are our big ones? We have Philly under wins. We have the Sixers under. That's going to happen. That's looking good. Yeah, that team's a mess. We have Philly on their wins. We have the Sixers under. That's going to happen. That's looking good. Yeah, that team's a mess. We have OKC over, though.

Don't worry about that. I looked it up last night. They have to go 32-12. The good news is they've unleashed Russ. Yeah. They're just going full Russ now, and he's going to get his taking 30 shots a game, and it's really fun to watch.

He's going to get his triple-double every night. Everybody else stands around, and it's going to work because they're better this year than last year. Well, the one thing we're going to lose is Kyrie's scoring title. That one's a goner. Oh, my God, Harden. But that was a 20-1 flyer, though. 32. He's having 32?

He's hurt now. Well, he's hurt now. He might not get the—I was actually watching when he got hurt. The refs are trying to get Kyrie that scoring title with Harden. No, I don't know who wins it if Harden doesn't qualify. Giannis probably. Yeah, he's 29. LeBron, 27.8.

There's a good Celtics-Cavs game on Wednesday night that Isaiah's not playing, but they haven't really played the Cavs. The only time they played them this year was when Hayward got hurt in five minutes. And this is like a very nice—it'll feel like a playoff game the crowd will be into it right and they're basically gonna have to figure out if they can slow down LeBron at all and he'll have his a-game they Jalen Brown to throw at him and uh Tatum and Semmy all these dudes and it'll be nice to see whether they can actually slow him down a little or not. My guess would be not. But then what happens with Kyrie in the other end?

It's a must-watch game. What's the spread on that? We should figure that out. Cleveland should be favored would be my guess. You know who's playing well for them is Wade. Yeah, I know. Tate, have you watched him at all? Yeah, I have.

I'm not saying Wade's the old Wade but Wade has moments when he's just getting to the rim now he's not afraid to shoot looks like he's in shape yeah they're trying to make him six man of the year right

that's like their big campaign I like how he's playing Thompson's the one that has just gone off the deep end alright parent corner you want to go first you were in Hawaii

I can't wait for this well this is going to sound a little douchey and it's short please we're in Hawaii. I'm with Corolla and Daniel Kallison and their families. We should mention Daniel Kallison is a top four craziest friend we have.

Yeah, yeah. Very aggressive. Lots of fun on trips like this. Shirts off the whole time. Shirts off. Drinks. Who wants a drink? Doesn't care how much he spends.

It's good. Talking to random people. Oh, yeah. Good time. Yeah. Is this the beginning of New Year's for you or the end of New Year's? Why are you guys going in so early? who wants a drink doesn't care how much he spends it's talking to random people oh yeah good time yeah is this the beginning of new year's for you or the end of new year's why are you guys going in so early you know like people we don't even know in the elevator like all right just leave everyone alone but he was great fun it was a lot of fun but uh so we run into howie mandel yeah and howie mandel is one of the nicest celebrities I've ever met. I put him up with John Ritter and Henry Winkler and all those guys.

Wow. Just a super nice guy. Me too. I've met him like twice through the show. Carolla knows him better. But he's one of those guys who like you meet your kids and then he's calling them by name within two minutes. And like he'll have met eight kids. Just don't touch him though.

Just don't touch him. He has that weird crazy OCD thing. Crazy OCD. Can't touch him. Crazy germs Purell hasn't worked on him in like 15 years Right Because he used so much of it

He's just pouring gasoline on his hands He's done the fist bump thing Like Yeah When history is rewritten He'll have invented it He didn't but You know

The fist bump He did the fist bump He doesn't like germs Yeah That's his thing Everybody knows that You just mentioned Everybody knows it

My son Harrison Who just turned four this week Yeah, that's his thing. Everybody knows that. You just mentioned everybody knows it. My son, Harrison, who just turned four this week, was out of his mind on sugar the whole time and just like ramped up, just crazy all over the place. So he's meeting these kids, and I'm on the other side of the room at this point when he's meeting everybody, and Harrison has this thing where if you stick your hand out for a high five,

he bites your hand. He literally bites the hand that feeds him. So here's Howie Mandel, super sweet guy, fist pumping all the kids, and Harrison is in line to meet this guy. What did he know from Howie Mandel? But he goes, and he sees a fist bump, and I see the mouth open, and now it's on. And now it's like Bosworth against Bo Jackson. And I'm coming across the room because I need to intercept this

because if he bites Howie Mandel's hand, it's going to be bad shit. And there it's like the mouth is open. It's like Jaws goes to fist bump. And I like lower the shoulder into my four-year-old and get him out of the way just in time. And Howie Mandel's looking at me like, what's the matter with you? Why did you abuse your child? Do I need to call Child Protective Services?

Does Hawaii even have something like that? So that was the story. I just avoided tragedy there, getting Harrison out of the way. That's so weird. Is that why you bought your son a Marv Albert wig for Christmas? That's exactly why. Secret's out now. I didn't know your son had a biting thing.

No, he just likes to, he does it to fuck with people. He thinks it's like, he's not even like doing it to be aggressive. He likes to get yelled at for attempting to bite people. That's it. Wow. Thank God for Howie. I don't know if he ever would have recovered. No, I know.

How was the Howie Mandel's boat? I was at the freaking sports bar at 745. Everyone else went, though. Everyone loved it. They went scuba diving. Corolla didn't fall off? Super nice. He didn't fall off.

No. How many times in a week did Corolla's eyes roll in the back of his head as he told the story? How many times did he look up and his eyes just went? Every time? Every time. Yeah. My parent corner. So much to work with with Christmas. Yeah, I know.

I mean, really, really something else, really magnificent. But, you know, there's this big controversy with Logan Paul this week. I don't know if you follow. You know Logan Paul, this YouTube star? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I saw this. This is a somber parent corner. Right. Not a lot of somber parent corner. Right.

Not a lot of laughs in this one. Right. So Logan Paul, one of my son's heroes. He's part of the Lo Gang. Yeah. He has a Logan Paul knapsack. He has a jacket. Watches his vlog every day.

He's seen all his videos. My daughter likes him too, but not as much as my son. My son's kind of in the Logan Paul wheelhouse because he's 10 and he's an all his videos my daughter likes him too but not as much as my son my son's kind of in the logan paul wheelhouse because he's tan and he's an idiot which which really fits in with the logan paul demo um logan paul goes to japan yeah goes to this suicide forest that's like this allegedly haunted forest where people go and commit suicide sometimes apparently i'd never even heard of it and they're taping and they see this guy is hanging and it was like what is that what's that is that is this for real and the whole 15 minute video of it's this guy who's dead hanging yeah so i was ready to give logan paul the benefit of the doubt because I thought this was live.

But no, not live at all. Actually taped. They they blurkeled the guy out. So they spent a couple hours on it. And he's sitting there at one point. He makes a joke at the end. It's horrible. So I find out about this last night because it's in my Apple News. I'm like, what the fuck is this?

And I'm reading it. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I'm so glad my kids didn't see this. So I call I call young Ben and I'm reading it, and I'm like, oh, my God. I'm so glad my kids didn't see this. Uh-oh. So I call young Ben, and I'm like, Ben, don't watch that Logan Paul. There's this crazy, well, they'd already taken it down, but I was like, don't go looking for this video. I don't want you to watch this.

And he's like, oh, I watched that last night. And I'm like, wow, you watched the Japanese suicide forest video last thing he's like yeah happy new year it was like is he in trouble for it I'm like yeah he's in a lot of trouble like his career might be over and uh and my son was like I didn't know whatever I didn't know if it was real or not and it was just it seemed like one of his videos and just bounced right off him unbelievable and I'm like you realize I was like a dead guy. Is that it? And I'm thinking like, that generation is so screwed.

Like the stuff that they could see in the internet, the Japanese suicide forest videos just bouncing off him. Yeah. How depressing is this? I think if he were 12 and 13 and was bouncing off, it'd be a little worse. But I think he's still in the, I don't know what's going on. I don't think he knew what it was. I don't think he totally knew what it was.

I was explaining to him that it was bad. Yeah, then you have to explain the whole thing to him. That's what ends up being worse. So then I'm talking to him and my daughter about it, and I'm like, this might be it for Logan Paul. His career might be over. And they're like, his career's not over. He'll be fine.

They're ready to fight for Logan Paul. He made a mistake. He'll be fine. He apologized. They like defending this guy i'm like oh my god this guy this is this is the worst person well everyone complained about trump but maybe we should be complaining about logan paul and jake paul i think every kid's uh i'm still mad about to add aaron paul about the breaking bad ending i don't like no but, but he... Well, Air Paul was in this somehow. I know. He had this crazy tweet about it. I was like, wait a minute, are they related?

He's a nothing brother. First, I need to tell everybody we're not related. And also, this guy sucks. But yeah, it is a strange thing. I don't know. Every kid's hero is invincible. That's why your kids are saying, no, he'll be back. Right.

So my question is, do I ban Logan Paul videos? Can you do it? Which I don't think I could. I think we'd have to basically, I'd have to take away the iPad, the whole thing. Like my son would not be able to go online. Yeah, I don't think you could do it physically. And it would be the biggest fight I've ever had with my kids. Yeah.

Well, then you should do it. I don't know. Well, first of all. I don't know what to do on this one First of all If you're just If you're just against Logan Paul That's one thing But I think he'll be Don't you think he'll be more careful now at this point?

Well, so the hope is Well, maybe this is the only time he'll pose a Japanese suicide force video On his fucking website But like, Jesus Christ He's taking a boatload of shit. He should. No one's forgiving him and this is...

And his apology was awful. And I don't know. I'm not a member of the outrage culture and I think it's become sport in a lot of ways and it really bugs me. But what does it mean

for this guy to be done? Like, all right, he started and had no sponsors and now he's got like a billion dollar sponsor. Well, he'd be done if parents all banded together and were no sponsors and now he's got like a billion dollars well he'd be done if parents all banded together and were like you can't watch this guy's videos anymore but all that's gonna do is make them want to watch them more so in a weird way this is like the greatest thing that ever could have happened to him i know i think he's a jackass for 300 people

and he'll do it for 300 people again and they'll find a way to get to him honestly like the fact that they edited that and took the time to blur the guy's body out and thought this was a good idea it's like fucking as scary as donald trump to me right the crazy thing is he's the cults are interviewing him for a job it's him and tom cable yeah oh my god anyway he i he should apologize the second time yeah and he should maybe put some thought into this, not to sound like old dad on the hill. But holy shit, I can't believe my son watched that and didn't tell me. How does that not come up? I was with him the whole day on Sunday.

I can't believe it wasn't live. They had a lot of time to think this was a bad idea. And didn't pull the plug on it. I think he said, I've done a video every day for 450 days. Wow. And you're going to make mistakes. He's like, this is way more than a mistake. He's an American hero.

God damn it. Anyway, the somber edition of the parent corner this week. I wish I had had a more fun New Year's whatever, but I didn't. What do you got to plug, Sam? All right. Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. David Duchovny, Aaron Leyendeck Jr. I'm going to talk to him about Bill's not a big fan so far.

Just be like, have more of a personality, maybe. More of a personality? Yeah, a little bit more. All right, I'll get into it with him. Against all odds, Wednesday. That's tomorrow already. Degenerate trifecta. They're hot.

Harry had a parlay with UCF. Listen to this, Tate. UCF money line, Alabama money line, and the Cardinals money line pay 28 to 1. He's telling everyone in the world about it. Proud of you, Harry. He loves it. And we should congratulate Brad Mulcahy for winning the 2017 Character of the Year, the award you give out every year.

It's perfect because my friend Brad is depressed that he won, and my friend Ken is furious that he came in second, only second. And mad at Johnny Knoxville. And mad at Johnny Knoxville. And mad at Johnny Knoxville. Johnny Knoxville was mad that Ken won last year. Yeah, and he said, he's like, Johnny Knoxville, what do I care what that guy says? I never thought he was funny, ever.

And that made Johnny Knoxville's day, by the way. I've heard from Knoxville. Yeah, we know a lot of loons. I think Brad should win every year, so it's like Brady with the NFL MVP. Every once in a while, you just got to give it to him. Right, the fact that he threatened Tate's life weighed heavily. so it's like Brady with the NFL MVP. Every once in a while, you just got to give it to him. Right. The fact that he threatened Tate's life weighed heavily.

Yeah, that was a huge highlight moment. I never felt like he was serious with that. You seem to feel like he was a little more serious. I haven't seen him since, so we're not sure. He's got to come back. I like that this year he shortened his nervous tick from cheeseburger to cheese. To cheese, yeah. He says cheese to come back. I like that this year he shortened his nervous tick from cheeseburger to cheese. To cheese, yeah. He just says cheese a lot now.

And one of the revelations you had in that was that his superintendent in his building made this new rule that everybody's windows had to be closed because the tenants were complaining that Brad was yelling cheeseburgers in his apartment. Not just the tenants. The homeless people outside were screaming, shut up out there at four in the morning when Brad's cheeseburgering around

in a circle in his apartment. Wow. And Brad went downstairs to make amends and the guy was killed. Once again, the podcast of the year against all odds was...

With Brad. We'll have to have him back on. Yeah, we'll have to have him back on. Cuz, good job by you. Good job by you. Thanks again to ZipRecruiter. Don't forget to try ZipRecruiter out for free. ZipRecruiter.com slash BS.

You no longer have to wait for the right candidates to find you. ZipRecruiter. We'll find them. And don't forget about SeatGeek for $20 off your first SeatGeek purchase on any game or sporting event. Use promo code BS. We have a couple more good things this week. I will have a column on Friday and every week during the playoffs.

And we have a couple more podcasts this week. So until then. I want to see them on the way. So I don't have. I feel it's within On the wayside On the bruised side Never once said I don't have to