The Bill Simmons Podcast - Half-Baked Ideas (the Return!) and Best Summer Foods With Kevin Wildes, Mallory Rubin, Joe House, and Ryen Russillo | The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode Date: August 19, 2019

HBO and The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Kevin Wildes to throw out some half-baked ideas (2:45). Then, from their live show at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, Bill, Mallory Rubin, Joe House, and Ryen Russillo discuss summer foods (1:07:17). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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You can listen to Mays and Clark breaking down everything they think's going on in the NFL and all the other awesome podcasts we have on the Ringer Podcast Network. Coming up, my old friend Kevin Wilds, who has not done half-baked ideas in a long time, and he's coming out of retirement to do them on this podcast. And then we're going to run something we did in Vegas last month. Me, Mallory, Ruben, Joe House, Ryan Rosillo, we broke down the best summer foods. And it was basically Mallory Rubin, Joe House, Ryan Rosillo. We broke down the best summer foods.

And it was basically Mallory versus House with an audience grading who did a better job of talking about their top five summer foods. So it's self-explanatory, but it was really fun. By the way, there's nothing going on in sports, pop culture, or anything right now. So this is the kind of podcast you have on a Monday. Things about to heat up though with football, but here we go. Our friends from Pearl Jam. Okay, back in the old Grantland days, Kevin Wilds and I used to do Half-Baked Ideas.

He was my old ESPN teammate for a long, long time. He has not been on the BS podcast to do Half-Baked Ideas. That's my fault. That's his fault. We talk. We just give them to each other on the phone, but for some reason we haven't put them on podcast form. Now we're back. Wilds, is it good to be back? I'm very excited. I just want to jump into the first idea since I've got eight years of ideas that have just been filling a notebook. Well, we had in 2012, we had a pretty good run with half-baked ideas that included, I think the longest conversation ever about root beer.

That's probably a 15-minute breakdown of what's the point of root beer and how can we do better with it. But the point of half-baked ideas is this. It's a kernel of an idea. It's 50% of an idea. It's 42% of an idea. It's almost there. You can't quite get it over the finish line. It's like you're inside the 10-yard line. You can't quite get it over the finish line. It's like you're inside the 10-yard line. You're trying to ram it into the end zone, and you can't totally do it, but you got all the way down there in the first place, and that's a half-baked idea. That's right. It's a great drive that just ends in nothing. Just like, hey, good job, everybody, but there's still value in it, even though it means nothing. I think my favorite one ever was the basketball batting cages.

Because I've been thinking about that a lot over the years. And the concept of that was like, you go to a batting cage, you just want to hit baseballs, do 30 minutes, and you take 100 swings. And you just get it out of your system. And it's like, that was great. We do not have this for basketball. So you, you're, you were, the original half-baked idea was what if there was a basketball batting cage

and then we spitball that. And I think we landed on rebounders for hire. Yeah, we did rebounders for, well, the basketball batting cage also became, I wanted to install it in NBA arenas. So you just don't come off the bench totally cold. Oh, yeah, yeah. So Kyle Korver, once you see Kyle Korver warming up,

like, oh, here comes Korver, he's coming into the game. And I don't see any reason why Kyle Korver wouldn't shoot just a little bit better by shooting 100 jumpers before he enters the game. Right. Cuban said it was a real estateers before he enters the game. Right. So human said it was a real estate issue. Like he didn't have enough. No space.

So like you put it under the runway of the arena or something. It's a little like envision quest before the final match lab and swinging and shoot. He had this whole separate part of the gym where he was able to do jump ropes and do some fall to the mats and stuff like that. He was ready by the time he came in to shoot. You're saying Kyle Korver, he's going underneath. He's got this little mini three point court and he can get like 23s off in two minutes. The thing with the rebounder for hire, which we all settled on,

was like, there's nothing more fun than just shooting jump shots. The problem is there's either you're doing it with 10 other people shooting jump shots or you're doing it by yourself and you have to go rebound for yourself. Instead of a lemonade stand, some kid in your neighborhood, some 12 year old is like, I'm a rebounder for hire. All I do is rebound. Yeah. Pay me 20 bucks.

I'll come over for 40 minutes and I'll just rebound for you. And I think that's going to be more successful than lemonade stand. So anyway, that's the concept of the half-paked ideas. Take the floor. What's your first one? Okay. So I'll paint the picture for you. Go to the gym. You see like a pulsating purple light in the corner of the gym. And outside of the gym there's like a guy who looks like a sober jackson main if like jackson main was in wearing like a lot of like vintage patagonia okay he's shaving he's shaving with a straight razor in an old like uh old um gold prospector's pin and And he looks at you.

He's like, Simmons, get your life jacket. You're like, what? What's going on? He throws you a life jacket. You go into this room where all the bikes used to be. The bikes are all gone. It's a huge tank. In the tank is a whitewater rafting raft.

Seven other people. Guy gets in. You get in there. Everyone is very nervous. The music is blasting, blasting, blasting. Dustin, his name's Dustin. Dustin turns on the turbines, and it's just chaos. And you're just going for

an insane whitewater rafting. At one point you fall off, like a buddy falls off and Dustin's like, leave him. He's gone. You're like, never. You dive in, you save him. He's like, you're my hero. He's like, you're mine, dude. And like, you're back on. And Dustin's like, and then it ends. And Dustin's like, great job guys. See you next Wednesday. Indoor whitewater rafting. Are you buying it? So the concept is you want all of the thrills and danger of what it would be like to go whitewater rafting without actually going whitewater rafting or dying. Well, my gym has a mountain climbing thing inside.

This has already been done. So I was like, you know what? Bring the mountain indoors. So I just want to bring the whitewater rafting indoors. How much space do I need? I don't want to die. How much space do I need? There's also a home version. It can fit in the smallest apartment.

Play Peloton. Play Peloton. Smallest apartment will make it work. In the gym, how much space do I realistically need for like 20 feet? I think you need a lot. You have to have room to go overboard. Yeah. And these are like the turbines that turn this thing, that create the waves.

These are industrial type things that they get to start moving dams to really get it chaotic. I wonder if you can combine this with one of your other greatest ideas, which was half-baked ideas, which was Dolphins to Go. Yeah, this is a side hustle of Dolphins to Go, because Dolphins to Go never took off, so now I'm stuck with all these tanks. I need something to do with them.

I got blamed for Dolphins to Go taking off, because a lot of people liked that idea, and they felt like I didn't sell it hard enough. with them. I got blamed for dolphins to go taking off because a lot of people liked that idea and they felt like I didn't sell it hard enough. And ironically, I think I went to Mexico like a year and a half later with my family and we swam with dolphins and it was the best. And I belatedly came around with dolphins to go. What's better than swimming with a dolphin? Nothing. God, it's great. I've, alright Oh, it's called Rapidly What's it called?

Rapidly Rapidly Yeah, it's like Kind of like Sounds like an app It's weird It sounds good Feels like you can get

Venture capital behind that It's called the name Rapidly Maybe I drop a vowel It's just R-A-P-D-L-Y Yeah, you need some sort of Cool spelling thing. Dropping a vowel is always an aggressive move for any startup. It's like, yeah, R-A-P-D.

All right, I'm going to do a palate cleanser before your second half baked idea. Okay. My dad, a couple weeks ago, was walking in Beacon Hill, and he fell and really got banged up. Had to go to the hospital and there was like, he might've chipped something in his shoulder and his arm's been in a sling for two weeks. And my entire family has been mystified by this. Cause if you've ever walked with my dad, he walks about a mile an hour. He's like really the all-time slow walker. So when they walk the dogs, his dogs are always fat because he walks so slow. It's like, there's no exercise for

the dogs. So my whole family has been trying to figure out how he was going fast enough to fall on the, on Charles street, Beacon Hill and what the chain of events were, and also how he got so banged up. And it got me thinking, when I was watching Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, there's that scene when Leo throws the eight-year-old girl down, and she's okay because she has padding on her elbows. So I was thinking, for people over 70, their wardrobe should also be equipped with a lot of padding. So my dad goes to buy a shirt from wherever, Macy's. But he's buying the over 70 shirt, and it's covered in padding you can't see. So if he falls again on Charles Street, he's actually landing in clothes like a stuntman would wear. I don't have a name for this yet.

Over 70 padded clothing, basically, is all I got. Half-baked idea. Is your dad okay now? Yeah, he's okay. He has a sling on. Okay, good. And we've been making jokes about it for two weeks, and I'm talking about different nursing homes

in Southern California, and does he want a view? Does it, there's a partial beach view or a full beach view, stuff like that. Because he's, this was like really his ultimate old guy moment. But this is what happens when you, when you hit 70, like your parents start, you know,

weird accidents and injuries start happening. Padded clothing. Yes or no. You buying? I'm buying. I think it needs probably, it needs a little bit more, but overall it can't hurt.

I'll put it under like the, it can't hurt. I'll put it under like the it can't hurt policy. Like I was with my half-baked ideas it was in the oven for about a minute and a half.

The top of it browned and that was about it. It didn't really cook. Half-baked. Your second one. Productivity Airlines. Okay. Only takes you

to one location. Accomplishment bill. What does that mean? What do you got? You working on a column bill? Working on a something for the ringer? Go over to the airport. I'll take you up at three hours.

Land you right back. In the same airport. Don't, we Don't go anywhere. Just fly because you can get stuff done. There's three options. One, you go to the actual, you're in the air, you're flying around, people are working, people next to you are on spreadsheets, they're doing stuff. Option two, care about the environment?

Who doesn't? A grounded plane version that's pumping in air like a plane, but you're never leaving the ground. It's cheaper. I save a ton on fuel. Third version, just a movie theater. It's version two, but I'm just showing movies. You're not supposed to be working.

But I'm showing first-run movies. Because plane movies are better. Productivity Airlines. Why couldn't it be like a giant WeWork type office that's built like a plane? Right. It has the same kind of

plane type of dynamics. I'm with you. I've written some of the, I mean, my fingers barely work anymore, but I've written some of the best pieces, emails, whatever. Always on a plane. I need the chaos of the, I mean, my fingers barely work anymore, but I've written some of the best pieces, emails, whatever, always on a plane. I need the chaos of the plane.

People walking around. Bad Wi-Fi. Yeah, the Wi-Fi makes you sort of get focused. You can't really surf. You can't really watch any videos. Productivity airline. That's pretty good. That's a great one.

I don't think the plane should fly around for three hours and then land in the same spot. It feels like that's bad for the environment. Okay. We'll do number two. It's a lot cheaper. Hey, can we have dumb service animals in productivity airlines however it ends up playing out?

Like, can somebody just have, like, a small horse and then the passengers get... Like, the stuff like that unites the, and then the passengers get like the stuff like that unites the people on the plane. That's the thing. People think that you don't like, you'll still have to go through security and everything. It's still going to be a huge hassle. Like I'm not going to take away any of the, um, I'm not going to take away any of the

inconvenience because that's what actually like sharpens your mind. Like you have like going, getting to the plane, like I got to really be focused here. I got to get through this line. I'm trying to avoid things. I'm trying to get a sandwich, trying to run to the bathroom. Then once you're on the plane, you're like locked in.

So I'm still going to have all of that. So I'm going to take your shoes off the whole night. Do you have to hire an actor to be the one who's crop dusting everybody as he walks by them on his way to the airport, John? Or is that just happening naturally? That may happen naturally. If it's the same cross-section of customers,

everyone will be using this. It'll be the most popular. It'll be like WeWork. It'll be on planes. That's always Kyle, by the way, just in case. If you're ever on a plane with Kyle and you're like, who's doing that? It's Kyle.

Or Kyle doesn't have a mic. No, he has a mic. He was just nodding. Kyle's having a good time. Third half-baked idea unless you want a palate cleanser. You need a palate cleanser? I'll just give you a fast one.

Okay. This is stupid. Uber competitor. I'm not in any hurry when I'm in an Uber. Just an Uber competitor called Slow Ride. Slow Ride? Take it easy. That's it.

Just go slow. Just go slow and it plays Foghat the whole time. It's a slow Uber? It's a slow Uber. More often than not whole time. It's a slow Uber. It's a slow Uber. I don't need to, more often than not, I'm telling my Uber driver to chill out. Like I'm good,

buddy. I've, I've allotted enough time for us to go the speed limit. I just want to get there. It's fine. I'm not in a rush. So it should go slow. And I know there might be some financial incentive to go fast.

Totally get it. That's why I don't want to compromise your money. I just want to start a side business. Just go slow. It's almost like a horse-drawn carriage slow. So instead of Uber, it's called Foghat because they sang Slow Ride. Yeah, and they're partners in it.

And when they pull up and they know you're there, it's not like, drop off, Kevin. It just starts, Slow Ride! And they come out and they're you're there, it's not like, drop off, Kevin. It just starts, slow ride. And they factor in how much longer it's going to take. Oh, yeah. It's part of the price. Oh, totally. It's like, oh, do you need to go somewhere?

It's going to be an hour. Like, okay, great. I'd rather have a chill hour than a stressful 45 minutes. All right, I'm going to give you a palate cleanser. All right. I was at a... My daughter had soccer this weekend. And, you know, whether it's soccer or lacrosse,

sometimes baseball, not really baseball as much, but the ones where outdoors where parents are standing, especially this game yesterday was at... I think, like, it started at 10 o'clock, but you knew the sun was going to become a factor. And depending, the parents are on one side, the coaches are on the other side. The dream scenario, if you're the parent is you're facing the sun. So you can get actual sun on your, on your face, you can wear a hat, whatever, but you can at least get the worst case scenario is the sun's at your back

and you got to put lotion on your back and on your neck. You have a shirt on? You got to put lotion on the back of your neck or you got to wear a hat and turn around or what a lot

of parents do is they'll bring an umbrella and then they'll hold an umbrella to block the sun. But now you have these umbrellas that, you know, the umpires running by the sidelines, there's umbrellas poking out, there's umbrellas everywhere. It's like an umbrella. It just seems like there's a better way to do this where we've had youth sports for the last, I don't know, 40, 50, 60. I don't know how long we've been having soccer with parents on the sidelines, but we've all

just kind of settled on the umbrella thing. And that's, that's the only way out. What about like a sweatshirt or a jacket that has a built-in like little umbrella that pops up? So you're getting the shade, but it's, it's close to your body. It's attached. And it's almost like a little pseudo umbrella slash oversized hood that goes over you. So you're blocking the sun,

but you're also not intruding on other people's personal space. Is it a visibility thing? You don't like the umbrellas because you can't see the game because someone has a big golf umbrella there. Yeah. here's the thing people will have an umbrella but they'll be i'm going to bring an umbrella and then they'll bring like a golf umbrella that you would use at the masters or some giant umbrella and then it's like it's it's an umbrella that's big enough maybe one other person can fit underneath it but if i have my own little personal mini umbrella now i now i'm umbrella, now it's just for me.

I'm just worried about me, and it's not jutting out. I'm not worried about poking somebody in the eye. I'm not holding it. I don't have to hold it on the sidelines. I'm outside in the sun for an hour and a half holding an umbrella. That's stupid. So it's like a hoodie crossed with an umbrella. You just kind of pop it on, and that's it.

Looks like a hoodie crossed with an umbrella. You just kind of pop it on and that's it. Looks like a jet pack almost. Is everyone standing? Because all of my kids' soccer games, there's like a lawn chair culture. I think it depends on how competitive the games are. Oh, I'm not supposed to. Wow. Bad parent, I guess.

No, I think when it gets older and the games get intense, you want to stand. It's like being at a concert when gets older and the games get intense, you want to stand. It's like being at a concert when it's like the encore. Like, you're not going to sit. Yeah, it gets intense. You have seats in an NBA arena. You're sitting there. I may or may not pace the sideline a little bit like Bobby Knight.

Oh, my goodness gracious. I just have a lot of energy. I get nervous. Especially, like, we had a come-from-behind win yesterday. Like, I get nervous, especially like we had a come from behind win yesterday. Like, I get nervous. You know, I don't want to sit. Sit? So you're pacing the sidelines with your umbrella.

That's why you're running into multiple umbrellas. I do not have the umbrella. We got scolded yesterday by the linesman because one of the umbrellas is poking out. He almost got hit by the umbrella. That's what made me think about it, that we need personal hoodie umbrellas. And then that would be better for everybody involved. Let's take a quick break. Hey, we've all made some bad choices in life. I know I have. I look at pictures of myself in the nineties. I would take back every single pair of shirt and jeans that I wore. But hey,

this isn't about me. It's about you. Don't make where you play fantasy football a bad life decision. Play Yahoo Fantasy Football. Yahoo offers up free expert advice. It has the best player experience and they'll never delete your league history like other apps. Yahoo also has all kinds of fun fantasy games like the new Best Ball. Just draft and you're done. No trades, no waivers, no drama. All season, Yahoo is the number one rated app by the FSGA. Make better choices. Choose Yahoo Fantasy Football. And if you want to catch up on your league,

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All right, back to Wilds. All right, we're back. Kevin Wilds, Half-Baked Ideas. I guess this is your third and a half one. Fourth one, technically. Yeah, what do I got here? Oh third and a half one. Fourth one, technically. Yeah, what do I got here? Oh, you like this one. What's your take on the NBA mid-season tournament?

You know me. I love dumb ideas with the NBA. I've probably pitched more of them than any other human being that has a platform. And I can't wrap my head around how the mid-season tournament works, what the incentive would be, why the players would care, unless it was just like, you know, $50 million for the winning team. Okay.

So I don't think this gets us over the finish line, but just for the thought experiment of it, I think when it was announced or when it was kind of like floated, they talked about like, oh, it was called like the Commissioner's Cup or something like that, right? It was some sort of like another trophy. Everyone kept on talking about, oh, you could play for another trophy. Yeah. And everyone, I don't know, I don't know.

So here's where I think it got off on the wrong foot, that it can gain some momentum. There's too many trophies, right? Especially if you're a professional athlete, you've been getting trophies since you were six years old. You don't need another trophy. You're just not into it. What people do like, wearable trophies are totally underrated. Championship belts, championship rings, gold medals, green jackets, crowns,

the turnover chain. You need a trophy that you can wear. So I was kicking it around, and those are all taken. They're largely accessories. So I was like, oh, championship watch. Just a great watch. Doesn't have to be super expensive, but it's unique. And it's a trophy you can wear around.

It's different from the Larry O'Brien trophy. It's not the championship ring. It's cool. It's a championship watch. That's big. That's big, but it's something. I mean, it's something. All right.

There's a twist to this. They used to do this in the 60s in the NBA. Oh, you know what? It's seen like old Lakers watches for sale on some auction site. There's, instead of championship rings, the Celtics won so many times in a row

that, you know, the picture of Bill Russell, the famous picture with him and the 11 rings. Yeah. It's actually a bullshit picture because unless they retroactively gave him rings

for the other seasons, there were seasons where there were no rings, and they would get like a watch. Or I think there was one year they might have even just gotten a plate. But the thing is, the reason I know this is because in the memorabilia world, getting those watches is like a big deal because they're engraved for the player and stuff like that. And I'm with you.

The World Series poker bracelet. The World Series poker bracelet. The World Series poker bracelet. Oh, bracelet. Yeah, good call. That and the green jacket are probably the two best things. Stanley Cup, it's like probably the best trophy that we have. But you get a day with it, and then you have to give it up. And then I look at like, you know, I don't know if you know this,

but the Patriots have won a few Super Bowls this century. I think something like five, six, seven. I can't even remember the exact number at this point, but every year they try to outdo the ring. And the thing is they can't wear the ring because the ring is so heavy and gigantic.

It's like, you can't, you can't do anything with your hand. You might as well be wearing like a fucking metal claw so what so I was thought like

what they should do is it should be like a necklace like when you when you land in Hawaii and they put the the lay around you

it should be a necklace like that with the ring dangling from it which I think a couple players have done so anyway I'm with you

yeah Mr. Big did it in Sex and the City too it was like oh not'm with you. Yeah, Mr. Big did it in Sex and the City, too. It was like, oh, not good. There you go. Or not Mr. Big, the other guy. Kyle, what would you rather have? You win the title. We win the title for the BS Podcast this year. Would you rather have a watch, a necklace with a ring on it?

Or a straight-up ring? A bracelet. Is this my first title? It's your first title. You'd want the ring. Probably a bracelet. Bracelet? Yeah. Like a World Series of Poker bracelet? Exactly, yeah. Classy like that. Hmm. Yeah, I'm with you.

I don't think we're doing rings and trophies correctly, because the other thing with the rings, I've talked to players about this on the podcast. It's all about gotta get that ring, gotta get that ring, got to get that ring. And then you get it and you put it in a safety deposit box and you never do anything with it.

It's idiotic. No. It's like, what happened to your ring? Oh, it's at my bank. You have to talk to a guy named Victor and then put in a 10 combination safe to open it. So yeah, that's what I spent the last year fighting for. Yeah, I'm with you. I like the

bracelet. Alright, what's the next one? Alright. Okay, this is stupid. So this is called conversation peace of mind. So when we lived in the city, we lived up the street from a meteorite shop. They sold meteors, not meteors, they're too hot, meteorites, fossils, things like that.

And I was never into fossils, but you can only walk past the meteorite shop so many times. You're like, all right, enough, I'll go into the fossil shop. So walking into the fossil shop, and they got a T-Rex tooth in there. I'm like, oh, that's got a T-Rex tooth in there. I'm like, oh, that's got a cool T-Rex tooth. I think it was like $3,000, $2,800 they would have sales, which is way too much for just a nothing item, but at the same time not so prohibitively expensive that I don't still want it. So I was talking to my wife.

I was like, hey, I'm thinking about buying this T-Rex tooth. It'd be a good conversation. It'd be a good conversation. It'd be an all-time conversation piece. Yeah. It would be a piece of furniture. It's not just a... I'm like, yeah, I know. But what if you could rent these conversation pieces, have a house party?

You don't want to talk about work. You don't want to talk about work. You don't want to talk about your kids. Uh-oh. Nothing else to talk about in the world. Need some conversation pieces. Oh, hello. Look at me. Got a T-Rex tooth here.

I got Babe Ruth's ashtray. I got Abraham Lincoln's top hat. I got something from a caveman. I got Phoebe's acoustic guitar from Friends. I got Secretary from a caveman. I got Phoebe's acoustic guitar from Friends. I got Secretary's horseshoe. I got an old Lakers ring from the old championship that Bill got. Rental. Now, just do the quick math.

T-Rex 2 cut $2,800 for 30 years. Lay it out. $93 a year. Excuse me, $93 a year. It's $7.75 a month, which means it's $'s 25 cents a day to own the T-Rex suit. And you have it for two years. You give it back. No, just for a weekend. You're having a house party. You get a few of these, I can give you 20 bucks.

Have the T-Rex suit. Oh, hey, how are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. No, things are going good. Have you ever seen this T-Rex suit? Oh yeah. hold it. Everyone leaves you parted. That Bill Simmons interesting guy, not just sports, he's into fossils too. Did you return it on Monday?

Yeah, yeah. I have to go get it. Go get it from you. Or you can get an additional day if you want. So you're tapping into something that is... Kara Swisher was on my podcast a couple weeks ago, and we talked about this a little bit,

about the concept of renting stuff, where I think she was the one that said it, or maybe I heard it somewhere else about... Was it about renting clothes? Everything. She's like, we're just going to rent everything. Why can't we rent clothes? Yeah, my wife does rent the runway.

She just gets a big trunk full of stuff, and she looks awesome. And she sends it back. It's like renting a tux, but every day. Yeah, we rent tuxedos. But let's say Kyle's going to a fancy party where you wouldn't wear a tuxedo, but you get to wear a nice suit. Kyle doesn't want to buy a $2,500 suit. He just wants a suit where he'll look awesome for

one night. Why can't you do that? Or maybe you can and I'm not aware of it. I'm all for this because you can rent cars, you can rent tuxes, you can rent boats, you can rent a helicopter, but I can't rent a Tom Ford suit for one day. Or Al Capone's shoes that you just want on yourself. That's interesting. Al Capone's body parts.

Just interesting stuff. So you go in, you just have interesting stuff. You know, you've done this before with half-baked ideas. Some of your ideas center around impressing people that are at your house for a party. That's not true. You've had a couple in the past.

You had the eBay house that time where everything in the house was available. Yeah, that's Dibiase House. Dibiase House. You know that one, Kyle? No. Everything in the house has a price tag got a price. You know that one, Kyle? No. Everything in the house has a price tag

and a scanner. If you're at my house and you're like, wow, I really like that plate. You just scan it. It's like $49.99. You just take it. You leave. DBS house. That was a good one.

Everybody's got a price. I'm all for renting everything. I think that's a great idea. Maybe I could rent a soccer umbrella jacket. I have one. This is stolen from my daughter. My daughter and I, we were driving in the car once for soccer, and she got this text, and she goes, oh, no.

So I look over on the phone, and you know how when you get a text from somebody, it could say like Wilds or Kyle. But then sometimes there will be like a group name for the text, right? This group name was called Post Patrol. I'm like, what's Post Patrol? She said her and a bunch of her friends from school last year they had this text thread where if they were going to post something on instagram they kind of sent it to the other four friends to make sure if they should post it or not it was like this committee of should

i post this picture of you know me in a bathing suit is this too over the top send it to the friends and the friends would be like no no don't post suit. Is this too over the top? Send it to the friends and the friends would be like, no, no, don't post that one. That's too over the top or no, no, there's a prettier picture of you or whatever. Post patrol. I think this is a business. So you get, maybe not everybody has a group of friends like what Zoe has, but maybe there's a little committee and you grab, you sign up, you have, you up. Let's say you're in the seventh grade. There's these four seventh graders that are your post patrol. They get assigned to you and you send them the pictures. Maybe you don't want your friends to have input on your pictures. You want them to be surprised. So you want outsiders, friends for hire. Post patrol,

you post the pictures. they give you feedback. What are those things when you can like, you can change what the, what the picture looks like the filters filter. Yeah. They'd be like, well, maybe you should use a, a dramatic cool filter or whatever, you know, whatever the thing is, or yeah. Photoshop that out. I wouldn't, I wouldn't put from your knees down. And they give you feedback post-patrol, and then you post the picture. It's like $2.99 a month. I think it should be mandatory when you sign up for Twitter

that you have to run it up. You have a few editors. Oh, Twitter editors. Yeah, it's mandatory. Like you sign up, like, hey, to make sure this Twitter community is the best it can be. Like there's, you know, you have to be a part of this editing process. You get three people.

And it's just like, ah, no, you spelled there wrong. That's bottom line. It's like, hey, no, that's the worst thing I've ever read in my life. That's gone. So it's, yes, it's mandatory. No, no,

you didn't, you didn't Alex Jones tweet last week. Not worth it. Don't do a second one. Wait three more weeks. Mandatory. Twitter editors. I like that.

I think that's great. You like post patrol. I think it's fantastic. The problem is, I like anything that I think that's great. You like Post Patrol? I think it's fantastic. The problem is... I like anything that's sort of like... I think social media just in general needs another layer of like... You know. I don't know.

I think Post Patrol works perfectly. The problem with Post Patrol is it would succeed early and then lead to a scandal as it turns out that it's like a bunch of 35-year-old guys pretending to be 13-year-old girls. Something goes wrong. I'm talking about it's for everybody. It's for like politicians have post-patrol. Everyone has it. The president?

No, he wouldn't get it. Probably not. You're just dead silent. Whatever the president of wow. Comedy killer. Wow. Just like, I'm not saying anything.

Nothing. Nothing nice to say. What's your next? I have picked idea. Gloober. It's called, this is similar to rebounder for hire. New York times article on Canadian adult league rec hockey.

Everybody in Canada plays rec hockey. There's not enough goalies. So the goalies are mercenaries. The goalies get paid 50 bucks. I was like, oh, that's a great idea. The goalies are actually like kind of professional goalies. Everyone else is playing rec. Like this works for, so at, it was an idea about basketball.

When I'm playing basketball, I'm not shooting well. I just turn into a glue guy. I'm like, yeah, I'll set picks. I'll rebound. I'll dive on the ground and give you the ball. But when I come home, it's not like, how was basketball?

Yeah, awesome. I set a lot of picks, spread the floor, and let other people shine. It's not great. I'd like to kind of, I'd like to outsource that work. So that's the idea. Like you bring guy in,

they, they do all that stuff. Um, they will also raise their hand for an additional fee and be like, Oh, it's my bad when it's actually your fault. It's like, no,

my bad. It's like, okay. So it's like a basketball handyman. Yeah. He just, not bad. My bad.

He's like totally your fault. Like you threw the bag. Like I should have been faster. That's myman. Yeah. Not bad. Not bad. He's like, totally your fault. Like you threw the bat. He's like, I should have been faster. That's my bad. That's my bad. But I actually thought this would be better. I was also kicking around an idea called a home field advantage,

where it's just like the power of positivity and good vibes. So then I was like, Oh, maybe Gloober works better outside of sports and in like the corporate atmosphere. So suppose you're having like a big meeting. I suppose you're works better outside of sports and in the corporate atmosphere. So suppose you're having a big meeting. Suppose you're not you, though. You're not the ringer.

Suppose you're like a bunch of, let's say, airplane mechanics. The airplane mechanics are there because they're the best airplane mechanics. They're not necessarily like rah-rah. Maybe they are. Maybe it's a rah-rah team. Maybe it's not. But if you're going to have a big meeting, it's helpful to have the rah-rah person in there. And you can't say, oh yeah, well we have Tyler. He's not a great airplane

mechanic, but he's a great rah-rah guy. But that doesn't work. He's got to be mechanic first. So you outsource the rah-rah guy. You outsource the glue guy, Gruber. Gruber comes in for the airplane mechanics. You're having a big meeting and Gloober's like, hey, first of all, I just want to say you guys are off

doing an awesome job. Awesome job. Like the way you did that tire, Todd, that was really good. He has no idea what he's talking about. But he's just glue guys

making everybody like feel good about themselves. Gloober. You could have that for pickup soccer too. Guys in the middle. Yeah.

I like that one. That's a good one. Hey, we should mention just a quick aside for half-baked ideas. That we created the Purge franchise? No, you created that. No, we created it together. You created that for February 29 we created it together you created that

for February 29th you wanted like leap year chaos yeah my my half-baked idea was that leap year happens every four years

and it's one of those things that maybe we just remove it from the calendar completely and there's no record of it and anything can happen and there are no rules

and you got really freaked out when I did that one. Well, I'm just more of a positive, happy fella. I was just like, hey, for one day, anything can happen. And I think they took that idea and turned it into The Purge. I think somebody heard. I'm convinced. It's basically the same premise, right? Leap year, there are no rules, it's the one day.

I was saying there would be no electricity, and The Leap year. There are no rules. It's the one day I was saying there'd be no electricity. And, uh, and the purge. Swim with dolphins. Then the tanks. Do anything. That would be the giveaway.

It's like, why don't the dolphins in the tank? Uh, all right. Next half picked idea. There's another social media. You want to hear a social media idea? Or do you want to hear a,

or a Thanksgiving idea? Thanksgiving. Kyle's favorite holiday. It's called Thanksgiving or Treat. Okay. I did some research for this. 2005, $3.3 billion spent on Halloween. 2018, $9 billion.

2019, last year, $100 billion. That's not true. I made that last year. Anyways, it just tripled from $3.3 billion to $9 billion. And Halloween, it's like a lot of, obviously, outside decorations have really taken off. It's like right there with Christmas. I think Thanksgiving should,

I've already got my extension cords out. Thanksgiving needs to get into it. Like more Thanksgiving lights. I don't know where it is. I don't know what colors are available, but I've got my extension cords out. I just want to put up some Thanksgiving lights and then transfer right into Christmas.

Thanksgiving lights, Kyle, you buying them? I'm in. I'm 100%. Kyle, you just made Kyle hungry. He started thinking about stuffing and the Lions at 9.30 in the morning. So once the lights are up, get this. The one problem with Thanksgiving, you're in the house too long

and there's too much food. Two problems. Yeah. At the end of Thanksgiving, it's like Halloween where you go and trick-or-treat around your neighborhood and you're switching out desserts. You're tired of being in your house. You've been with the same people for a long time.

There's too many desserts. You know what? Let's walk the neighborhood. It's also a good exercise for everybody. And it's because of tradition. It's pretty solid. Just walk around, just knock on the door. It's like, Hey, how are you? What do you got? Oh, great. Boston cream pie. That's fantastic. I've got this. Maybe it's more trading. Let's just giving

and add some energy to your house. Come on in. Just switches it up a little bit. You got to just, the group's getting a little stale. We're on, you know, hour 14 here. Like, let's mix it up. We're going to take another break. Hey, let's talk about Google Fi. Doesn't it feel like most phone plans just weren't made with us in mind? Between bad coverage, paying too much for data

you don't ever actually use, and crazy roaming charges. Google Fi is a phone plan by Google made with features that people like you and I actually want. Features like free international roaming, so you never have to worry about calling up your provider to let them know you'll be traveling. And three networks in one,

so you can stay connected wherever you are, from your home to your office, and everywhere in between. Google Fi works on your favorite smartphone, so you don't have to switch phones just to switch plans. In fact, it's as easy as just downloading the app, and you only have to pay for the data you use. Plus, with bill protection, if you ever do use a lot of data, your bill is capped at a reasonable amount. Learn more at fi.google.com. That is fi.google.com. Switch to Google Fi, a phone plan by Google. So I was thinking about the Thanksgiving lights. There has to be some sort of half-baked idea for people like my dad that do not take their tree down until like April.

But I don't know the idea. Maybe one of the listeners will have a suggestion for that. Or the people that keep the lights on until like February, or the lights outside their house for the holidays until like February 15th. We're starting to become that. It just looks better.

Maybe just keep them year-round. It just looks better. Yeah, it's like, maybe just keep them year round. It just looks better. Like, I'm not going to, like when the lights come off of my house, I'm like, well, boring house.

Um, all right, I got one for you. Go. This is called, uh, the Pander Fantasy League. So,

noticed on social media, there's people out there. I'm not going to call any names this is going to be terrible I'm not going to comment on this one I can tell there's there's there's people out there where kind of the art for them

is to go to tackle certain subjects in a way that there's kind of no counter to what the point is. It's all win, no losses. Like I noticed that during the US Women's World Cup, people just love the US Women's team. Any positive tweet about the women's team is a win, right?

So then there becomes an art to how do I make my tweet stand out that is kind of that pandering tweet where I just seem like a good person because I like this US women's team so much. Now we have a fantasy league and I'm not sure how we score the tweets, but it's for stuff like that. It's for stuff where Boogie Cousins gets injured and everybody's got to do their tweets about how sad it is and upsetting it is and all that. Now we're grading the tweets based on, oh man, who really captured the moment? Who pandered the best?

Who is our best panderer on the Boogie Cousins ACL injury? I don't know. It's a half-baked idea. I don't know how we would score it. Just dead silence for you? Can I give you a happier Twitter idea? Sure. A more uplifting idea.

Yeah. What was the Women's World Cup? That was uplifting. Yeah, I know, but you're like, you know, passing judgment on the authenticity of people's enthusiasm. I'm not passing judgment. I just think there's a certain style on Twitter where it's like, oh, Federer and Nadal are playing. I'm going to just stroke myself for the next four hours on Twitter and nobody's going to, there's no counter to it. So this is just a free four hours for me to just basically Twitter masturbation.

Mine's called Truman Show Twitter. Okay. What's that? Happy trolls. Happy trolls. Suppose you're an NBA team. You've seen this come up, like, have a bad game, social media attacks you.

This guy's no good, almost like a Markel Fultz thing. There's a lot of pressure to perform well at all times, and you always hear, like, oh, there used to just be one beat writer covering the Sacramento Kings, but now you've got millions of people mad at you because you went 0-13 that game. But this is similar to the Glover idea. Truman Show Twitter is just an angry of reformed trolls that are like, you call it,

oh, somebody had a bad game. Can you bombard them with like, great job, man. Hey, you got to shoot out of it. I can you bombard them with like, great job, man. Hey, you got to shoot out of it. I know you're over 13, but you got to keep shooting. Shoot or shoot. Let's go.

We believe in you. Yeah. We believe in you. It's just like the guy logs on after like the worst game. He feels terrible. His mom's calling. He's like,

don't worry. You know, he just gets one text from his mom. He's like, you know, I believe in you. And he's like, it just feels bad. And he goes on to Twitter and it's just like all these thumbs up emoticons

and you can do it and happy gifts. So like the Red Sox bullpen when it was falling apart April, May, it's just people texting Ryan Brazier being like, the light bulb is almost on, baby. Keep firing strikes. It's going to turn. You got this. And you're using all the same techniques

that, you know, the Russian trolls use, but you're just switching it around just to be good. Just to be happy and positive. The pandering... Posit positive. The Pander. Positive positivity. Truman Show Twitter. It's all controlled.

Your whole Twitter is now like, I call it Truman Show. It's like it's all manufactured. And he's just helping you play better basketball. The Pander Fantasy League? It's like, here's a video of somebody giving up their first class seat

to an old person. Kind of thing that makes you realize America is great. Be like, whoa, that's like a 92. Add that

to their fantasy rankings. Terrible. Great stuff. Twitter pander fantasy league. America's ripping all right what's your next half-baked idea all right they tried a lot of basketball once so you know that you know in the movies when um like the character who's who's just getting on the straight and narrow runs into his old buddies at the mall.

They're like, oh, hey, Brandon. It's like the guy that he used to do drugs with. And then we're going down to the old spelunking hole. Do you want a car? He's like, no, no, it's not me. He's so stressed out he starts sweating. It's just a classic scene in every movie. That's, that's sort of like, he's like trying not to do it.

He's trying his hardest not to like fall back into that trap, but he's an act. So when I go into HomeGoods and I go into the, the, the distressed wooden signs, that's me. It's like the distressed wooden signs with like beautiful calligraphy that has little sayings about like friendship and family, like, or like something like something about how you need your morning, Joe. Like, don't talk to me. I need my coffee. But it's on a beautiful sign. I told her I want all of those. I just want to buy them all and I actively am like stopping myself and doing I start like sweating in the line excuse this mess memories being made friendships like the stars you don't always see them

but you know they're there like I just love it I just I'm like yes I need that I should be in the bathroom like why wouldn't you bet that out there the kids need to learn that I'm like but yes, I need that. I should be in the bathroom. Like, why wouldn't you put that out there? The kids need to learn that. So I'm like, but I don't want to become the guy that just buys all the signs of home good. So anyways, that's inside of me, and I recognize it. So I'm like, all right, I need an outlet for this. Like, where else has there been these sort of, like, how can I temper this? I want these things in my life.

And then I thought about these old And One shirts. Do you remember the And One shirts? It was like a shirtless, muscular model, but it was the exact, and he was playing basketball. He would be saying the meanest things to you. Here's $5, go buy a jump shot, you little jerk. And that would be on the shirt.

And the guy like, huh? Like, what's wrong? You mother fucker, that's a game, huh? Like, what's wrong? Your mother forgot to pack your game? I'm like, oh, okay. Yikes. So I'm like, oh, maybe I can make a shirt with that. All right, Kyle,

now you have to show Bill what I texted you. I texted, full story, I had one of these made from a graphic designer on Fiverr just to see what it would look like. And I sent it to Kyle to show Bill. Bill, you have to read it.

It says, a friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be. And it's a picture of somebody with an eight-pack dribbling a basketball. Isn't that nice? Isn't that nice? I could wear that.

And people would be like, oh, cool, man. I think so. I think people would like that. So we'll put that on Instagram so people can see it. So you're basically, this was, remember in Forrest Gump, the Have a Nice Life t-shirts with the smiley face? Yeah. Or Have a Good Day?

What was it? Have a Good Day. Yeah, it's like, yes, yes. He invented it when he was running in the mud. And then, that was ludicrous, by the way. But then it led to this whole kind of happy slogan thing. You're saying, let's go to the next level with these. Well, I just don't want it to be so saccharine.

I got the guy there. The guy's tough. The guy's like, hey, I'm still tough. I don't like home goods, calligraphy signs, distressed wooden signs. I'm playing basketball. Balances it out. Takes some of the sting off of it. That one's pretty good.

I do like that one. No, no, I do like that one. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. I have one for you. So all of these athletes are getting the content now. Mm-hmm. And they're forming their own companies.

And in some cases, like LeBron has Maverick. KD has Rich Kleiman. Steph has Jerron, who's a really nice guy. Some of them have their guys, right? And their guys, they're just thinking about, how can I leverage this guy's star and the connections he has and the people who want to get in the room with them and we'll just create content and we'll produce documentaries,

we'll do all this stuff. Some stars don't have that person, right? Maybe they just never had the rich climate and passed through their life or they never grew up with somebody or whatever. They don't have

their cousin who's into it or they never met a producer at a party and just hit it off or whatever. Yeah, they haven't clicked with something. Yeah, they don't have

their sort of partner in crime. Don't have that person. Well, now we're going to form a school. You know how USC has the School of Journalism? Or Northwestern has the Sports Media, the school Adande teaches at.

This program, let's say there's a program at UCLA, and it's basically to become the guy for famous athlete. And you take all these courses and you, and you learn all these different pieces of the business about, you know, how to make a documentary, um, how to be on a panel and talk about storytelling, how to, how to, uh, how to, how to study from media companies that have been successful. And you just, you arm this person with information and then it's like a mix and match

with athletes who don't have their guy. That's all I have. Half-baked idea. I'm going to say, unfortunately, so this happens every once in a while. We didn't really go over this part of half-baked ideas.

When an idea is not a half-baked idea, it's just an idea. So, so, you know, obviously like having indoor whitewater rafting, just that's half-baked. That is actually just a good idea.

Because of that, because of that, I, it's terrible. You're disqualifying it. It was too fully baked. Too fully, just a normal idea.

Like I've got normal ideas too. I don't bring them up. That's a great idea. I think that's just a normal idea. I've got normal ideas too. That's a great idea. I think that's just a solid idea rather than going off the chain from a production assistant. This job is to amplify and showcase star athletes and

their storytelling abilities in a very bespoke, good word Kevin, in a bespoke way that you've been trained for. So you can come right out and be ready to go. Yeah, it works. It just works. That's just plain old works. I apologize.

I left that one in the oven too long and it actually cooked. Yeah, don't do that one. Yeah, my bad. My bad. I'm going to rescind that idea. All right, what do you have? Last one? All right, last one.

Shark tanks for movies? No. Hold on. We'll go. Let's, let's, let's. Chaosville. Beer Flight. Beer Flight.

Father and Claw. All right. I think the best one is. All right. This one, this one actually works too. Okay. It doesn't have, it doesn't have a clever name. It's just called Kids Movies for Kids.

So, uh, it was somewhere with my kid, and we saw some Batman thing. And he's like, oh, Dad, I want to go see that. I went to Batman and Superman a long time ago. And out of my mouth, I was like, no, that's for grownups. And his little brain started to melt and fall out of his ears. He's like people you like that's for grown-ups like i'm in a full batman gear i've got batman sheet like that's not for grosses in my thing my act pg-13 so i got it he was like frustrated he can't see any

of these movies that originally meant for kids they're action movies they're for children so but i get it you know the financial have a financial structure involved but why don't you make these movies kid friendly they do it with books just make everything that comes out has to be G rated

and it's 50 minutes and you start showing them at 7 o'clock in the morning when kids are up and you want to do something and you're running it

7, 8 now you're running on the hour. So you're getting, you can't show it past seven or six p.m. while you're last showing, but you're getting 11 showings in there. You're only showing half the movie. It just has to barely make sense.

They're just eating popcorn anyways. They just want to see something, but there's no killing. It's G-rated. Plain, simple, it's nice. It's like even more G-rated than the TV version. Kids movies for kids. And you're churning them.

Every movie, it's a kids movie now. So you do like, so Boogie Nights, which is like two and a half hours. No, not Boogie Nights. No, you edit that into like a 50-minute kids movie. No. That's a bad idea? Not about 70s filmmaking.

No, just about like Guardians of the Galaxy. I just can't have too, it can't be too scary or too loud. What about Fatal Attraction? That doesn't work either? I see now the dynamic of it is like you say outrageous things to ruin my ideas. This is a million dollars. No, that is a good idea. So you're saying, so there are YouTube clips out there

where they'll just be like edited the best parts of a movie. Right? So you're just saying this is like the greatest hits of the movie. It's 50 minutes

instead of two and a half hours and you're in and you're out. I would say that the problem is the director I think would have an issue. Oh, give me a break. His mutilated cut. The director,

it's for a four-year-old. The director. God, I'm like, no. You can buy a children's book. It's seven pages long about Spider-Man or about Iron Man. But it's not like,

oh, the nuclear things and what are you doing? It's like, huh? Like, no, dude. You're good and the other people are bad. You're flying around. End of story. Do you know... One-syllable words. There's a half-baked idea that actually really happened out here in LA when my wife,

when she had our daughter, the Grove Movie Theater, I think it was on like Tuesdays in the morning, they would have these Mommy and Me events. And it was basically, the concept of it was moms don't have time to go to the movies because they're stuck with their kid all day.

So they actually called it Mommy and Me. And it was a movie theater where you had to bring your kid and they would blare the movie. So if there was a kid crying in row two, like it didn't matter because the movie was so freaking loud. And my, my wife and Sal's wife would go with,

with their two small children to mommy and me on Tuesdays and go see movies that they had kind of wanted to see or weren't able to see or whatever. And it would just be super loud in there. And my wife actually enjoyed this. It was like her way to go to a movie. I think like sometimes I'm going to see a movie, like we see Toy Story, we're going to see the movie. Like they're selling me, they're selling me a piece of art and I'm consuming it perfectly. Other times movie theaters are selling me a place to get out of the rain.

I'm more like, hey, it's raining. I need to get out of the house. I got a five-year-old. We just got to be somewhere else. I don't care what it is. It can be 50 minutes. Let's go in and out. Where do you stand on Sinopolis' because it feels like those

are half-baked ideas that actually happened and became real things. Have you been to a Sonopolis? Do they have those in the East Coast? I don't even know what that is. It's a movie theater where it's like big recliner seats. You have a menu. There's waiters walking around. You can

buzz people. They're bringing food. They're bringing drinks. They're bringing you everything. It's like being at a restaurant movie theater. It's a little weird. I don't know. I am in on drive-ins. There's a drive-in we went to at one time.

So if you're going to do all like, I'm in for like, you know, non-traditional movie experiences, I guess. But if the industry is looking to invest money, I'm like pro-drive-in.

Just cooler. I don't know what pro-drive-ins. Just cooler. I don't know what happened to drive-ins. They were a huge part of at least my childhood. And now they're gone. I don't even think there's one within an hour of LA. I have another half-baked idea based on an idea I just thought of as you were talking about that. Your idea. Oh, boy.

This is going to be great. No. There was... It Too is coming out. And there's an It Too pop-up whole carnival place in Hollywood right now in Hollywood and Vine.

Have you been to it, Kyle? I walked past it. You walked past it? You didn't go in? I didn't go in. My son loves It. I think it was his favorite movie of two years ago his favorite movie this year

is Good Boys my son he's always ahead of his time with whatever he's watching much to everybody's chagrin but he's really excited for It Too and he really wanted to go to the It Too carnival

but it's 18 and over yeah no kids because it's like scary but my son still really wanted to go. And my wife and I were joking about trying to figure out how to dress him up. So it would just seem like he was an adult,

just a really short adult. He's five feet tall now. And what? Could it be on your shoulders? Little trench coat? No, just, but, but is there, is there a place where like, there's some makeup slash wardrobe place? It's a store.

And I bring my son in. I'm like, can you make my son look 22? And they like dress them differently. They give them like maybe, maybe some facial hair, um, some glasses. They soup them up so that by the time it's done, he just looks like a short 22 year old dude. They give him like maybe some facial hair, some glasses. They soup him up so that by the time it's done, he just looks like a short 22-year-old dude. Yeah, you live in L.A. You could make him look like a dragon if you wanted to.

Right. That's how much money you want to spend for him to walk around and see a clown, scary clown. You're going to send him $2,000. Does it have to be $2,000 though? What if it's like a $50 makeover? No, you got to get like a full Mission Impossible flesh mask. Flesh mask? Yeah, like Tom Cruise

rips it off. Like, ah, it's me, Ben! Why don't you do it? It's probably easier. I don't know. There's Hollywood makeup people. why don't you it's probably easier I don't know that one yeah you do there's Hollywood makeup people

alright well that's why it was a half-baked idea I felt like after I did a fully baked idea I had to come back and finish trying

that's true yeah that balanced it out because one was 98% done the other one was 3 actually over the other thing I was thinking was,

I think we have to, you know, there's a new whole bottled water shaming thing that's happening right now. Are you aware of this? Is this, this might just be an LA thing. It'll trickle down to the other States. Everything starts here.

About consumption of plastic or about the actual water? Cause plastic bottles are terrible. And we're, we have more plastic bottles in our life than ever. Totally agree. A couple times we've done podcasts where we've had

plastic bottled water things on the table and I've noticed in the replies to the Instagram post people like, hey man, you really got to cool it

with those bottled waters. By the way, huge points in the Panda Fantasy League. But I was thinking like those, they make those, you see them at Costco or you see them at Target or at Dick's Sporting Goods. Those awesome metal like water things,

because my daughter loves these. This is what, she goes to soccer. She has like this 32 ounceounce awesome $35 cooler thing. But it feels like we're just scratching the surface on how those should go. And what's the next level as we all combine to get rid of bottled water and make the planet safer, which we should? What is the next iteration of those awesome $35 whatever thingies? I don't know. I'm throwing that out there.

With a canteen, you want to bring canteens back? Canteens, but I feel like it's a combo of that idea you had earlier with the t-shirts, with the slogans. There's a way to make them happier and maybe you get matching sets or you get like team logos.

Like I could have like a Celtics awesome cooler. And then when we're doing the rewatchables, I have my nice awesome 32 ounce Celtics cooler thingy. Something there. I don't know. That's like a quarter baked idea. You're talking about a glass of water? Is that where we got to? a glass of water? Is that where we got to?

A glass of water. Well, what are those things called? What are those things called that Zoe drinks? Those giant 32 ounce... Hydro flask? Is that what it's called? Yeah, the hydro flask. I don't know the hydro flask.

Yeah, this is like a thing for, you know, especially if you see soccer, a lot of people have the hydro flask, you know, instead of just bringing like a big bottle of smart water. All right, Kevin Wilds, we're back. This is happening. It was long overdue. We got to get, we did one, I remember, in the Super Bowl,

and House was the third party, and I thought House had some good, next time we do this, we got to have House involved. Excellent. Because we got to do, there's got to be some, a food one too. He gets all excited. He starts groaning.

It's it's a, it'll be good. Wow. This is a pleasure. Thank you. All right. Coming up in one second, we are going to run these summer foods,

extravaganza, Joe house versus badly Ruben with me and Ryan Rosillo and a whole audience as judges. But first let's talk about luminary, a relatively new podcast subscription service with some of the best content around, including our show, Break Stuff, the story of Woodstock 99,

which is wrapping up this month. It is a podcast I really hope you're not missing. It's excellent. It goes through really everything you ever want to know about Woodstock 99 and some of the misconceptions and some of the crazy stuff that happened and really why nothing like it has ever happened again for good reasons. Along with Woodstock 99, Luminary gives you access to a bunch of other original shows from innovative, dynamic creators that you can't find anywhere else, including Hannibal Buress' podcast. Trevor Noah has one, a whole bunch of people. The Luminary app is free to download.

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sign up at luminary.link slash Simmons. After that, it's only $7.99 per month. Luminary.link slash Simmons. Two months of free access. Cancel anytime. Terms do apply. All right, coming up. We did this in Vegas last month. Me, Mallory Rubin, Joe House, Ryan Russillo Top 5 Summer foods, Mallory made a list House made a list, we counted down from 5 to 1 We argued about it We made fun of them and then we all decided Who the winner was And you're about to hear that right now

We wanted to This is a finishing act here We wanted to talk about food Specifically summer food. And we're going to play a little gimmick. Uh-oh. House and Mallory are going to count down

from five to one their favorite summer foods, and then Rossello and I are going to decide whose list we liked more. Oh, boy. He sprung it on us. He didn't tell us it was going to go down like this. I told you to come up with five foods. I have five.

Don't worry. Mallory, you go first. Your fifth choice. Okay. My fifth favorite summer food is soup. Allow me to explain. This is the weirdest start to any segment we've done. And I want to clarify, not gazpacho.

No way. We don't count gazpacho as gazpacho. Gazpacho is delicious, but I want to be clear that this is not a seasonal specific cheat pick. Hot soup. Boiling soup. A vat of it, if I can get it. You know, tender greens switch from the cup to the bowl, and I get two of them. It's like a vat.

Two. It's like a bucket. Here's why. Soup is delicious. I don't like constructs. I don't like living my life by anyone else's rules other than Bill's and Sean's. And why should somebody tell me that it's no longer soup season?

So you're going against the grain. Soup in the summer represents to me agency, free will, empowerment, and it's also delicious. Variety every day. Is it? Rousseau, what did you think of that choice? I was not expecting that.

House, you're up. Number five. Hot take. Number five. My number five, I mean, I'm going right down the middle. I'm starting with delicious summer corn.

And I have a very particular way You got some applause for the corn. No, he didn't. It's the corn guy back there. He got one confused moan. What's confusing

about summer corn? It's the best. You do it on the grill. You must have a minimum of three cobs. It's a three cob minimum because the first two cobs, as soon as they come off the grill, they're going

down. I mean, there's just no... You're not even savoring them or anything. No, no, no. You get that nice char. You might have it wrapped up in some foil. You might roast it inside of its own wrapping. As soon as it comes out, the first one, I'm not putting anything on it. No butter, no salt. The first one, I'm getting the fresh summer mouthful.

It's all the way down. The second one, butter and salt. That's just to sate the enjoyment. I mean, I'm experiencing summer in my mouth. The third cob is for slicing. You've roasted this beautiful, you've roasted three, you've had two. You're cutting off the kernels and setting them aside for your 10.30 snack, your 10.30 corn snack.

This is what summer tastes like. All right. So we've done one already. Who has the advantage right now? Wait, can I offer something back? Do you have a rebuttal? Do you want a rebuttal? Well, now that I know it's a competition, which I did not know until we got up here

I like to not tell you things. I would just like to compliment Joe on the extremely phallic, not only imagery and verbiage, but hand motions. Thank you for bringing the audience into that. And I think if, by definition, you're saying that the first two portions are so unsatisfying that you need at a minimum a third, it's invalid as a selection. Continue. Who do you want to vote for? Who wins so far, Priscilla? That's a gross, it's invalid as a selection. Continue. Who do you want to vote for? Who wins so far, Priscilla? That's a gross mischaracterization.

Super corn. You know, seriously, the description, it didn't really matter what the food was on that first round because you were so passionate about the corn. So advantage house early. Corn passion. Corn passion. Playing from behind.

What about you? Who are you voting for? I'm not. I'm just refereeing. Your fourth favorite summer food. Yeah, we're the jury. Fourth favorite summer food. Chili cheese dog.

Specifically from Yucca's Hut in Los Feliz. Okay. Okay. Literally a shack in a parking lot, right? Yeah. On caviar, so I can have it delivered to my home, but I know I'm getting the authentic shack in a parking lot experience without leaving my home, which is wonderful, convenient, delicious.

We ride for caviar. Love caviar, love caviar. You're getting the summer hot dog experience, right? Oh, I'm out at a baseball game. I got a Dodger dog. Wonderful. I'll be grilling your corn. Great.

But I'm also being efficient because it's summer. I have a lot of choices about how I want to spend my day, a lot of things I could do. So I'm also adding the chili, the cheese. Oh, so you're doubling up. Yeah. Because they put a little mustard on, some onions for the texture, the crunch. Hassel is defeated right now. I also pair that with the shredded beef burrito and a carnitas taco.

Excellent meal. But the key in the summer is the chili cheese dog. It's pretty good. Strong. I love chili cheese. Your rebuttal for your fourth pick. I feel like I'm going to lose this one right away. You lost the last one, but that's fine.

Incorrect. I'm going in a sort of highbrow direction. I absolutely love caprese in the summer because of that combination of the, you can do two different ways. You can have the burrata. you can have the buffalo milk mozzarella, however you want to do it, but paired with tomato. Tomatoes are the freshest possible tomato. You can innovate also.

Any kind of ripe fruit, you can do a peach caprese, you can do a fig caprese, any kind of jammy, ripe, where the seeds are overflowing and you have that cool, delicious, salty cheese to go along with it. A little olive oil. All right, we get it. Caprese. A little mint. All right, Jesus. I like how he pronounced it.

You're not a caprese. House talks about food, it could just go. You can just see. You can see the love, the affection, the care. I'm paid to talk about food. Rossella, would you rather have chili cheese dog or caprese? I don't think I've ever had a chili cheese dog. Actually, I know I haven't.

Oh, wow. Caprese. I'm with you, Mal. I give the advantage to you. No, I actually think she sold it better. Yeah, she won round two. Although that olive oil pronunciation was odd. Have you ever heard of the Evo?

No, House will do that. He's old. Mallory, your third choice? I did like the way he said fig. Very passionate. Third choice, ice cream. Specifically, Jenny's ice cream. Man, so good. ice cream specifically jenny's ice cream man specifically right now on the summer menu

the sweet cream with biscuits and peach jam so fucking good perfection in a pint every other sunday i place a postmates order for six to nine pints depending on how many flavors are on the menu at a given time. And right now. Incredible. Incredible. What? Yeah. Yeah. She postmates ice cream.

This is true. I just assume no one did. No, it's true. Sometimes I'll text Bill pictures because it's really embarrassing. Like, they have these freezer bags, which is, you know, great and practical. But every now and then I order so many, they have to bring a box. Mortifying. Mortifying. Can I do a box. Mortifying. Mortifying.

Can I do a quick Postmates interjection? Please. I ordered it today because we did a podcast, and Nephew Kyle and I, we wanted something healthy, so we did Joe the Juice. So it said, by the way, the moral of the story is Postmates is falling apart, but we'll get to that. It said my order had been delivered, but there was no guy.

So now I open my front door. I wander out. I'm looking around. I'm texting him. There's no sign of him. Five minutes pass. Seven minutes pass. I see somebody walking up my driveway, and it's this guy, and he's just holding three sandwiches and one juice.

We'd ordered three. And he was like, I've been in a car accident. I've lost two of the juices. Oh, no. But here's your food sir i'm like are you okay is it are you he's like i'm fine i was rear-ended was there i lost two of the juices i'm like it's fine where was the car could not see the car this is i'm calling bullshit this is some bullshit it seemed like a bullshit this is some Postmates bullshit right here. The fake car accident in Postmates?

You tip them? I haven't tipped them yet. I wanted to get House's take. I can't wait for Postmates to be out of business. I'm so out on Postmates. They've done a terrible, terrible job in Washington, D.C. of these grand expectations and creating this thing that's hyper easy. Reliable.

And it is absolutely useless. I feel like every startup now, though, that's like that. They're like, hey, this is a great idea. I'm like, this is great, except when people start using it. Right. It falls apart. These fucking scooters are everywhere. The problem with the delivery economy is that the good thing is also the bad thing, right?

So the service is better if a restaurant is exclusive to an app. That's why we like Caviar so much. Yes. But once other apps start doing that, like John and Vinny's going to DoorDash. Now I have to download DoorDash, right? It's like the cord cutting with cable. You need all of the apps so you can watch all of your shows. You need all the apps so that you can get all of your restaurants.

But then by definition, if they're exclusive to other apps they can't be on postmates so each product is diluted i agree sad times house what's your third choice do this one quickly ballpark hot dogs okay it's the starts in april so a less good version of a thing i already said okay are we on number two what specific ballparkpark? No, I mean, a lot. There's a high competition. The Dodger dogs. I love Boston's hot dogs. You guys pro or anti Dodger dogs?

Love Dodger dogs. Yeah. See, they're very polarized. Yeah. I like them. Why? What's the problem? I don't know.

I don't know. They're great. I'm not sure if they're actual hot dogs. Some people are worried about the meat. I mean, that's like the hot dog experience. Being worried about the meat. That's part of it. I always thought fear was a good part of eating a hot dog.

It's like, am I eating a pig's asshole? It's part of the fun. And the answer is yes. Nice. All right, second to last. Watching that euphoria. Keep watching euphoria. That's episode four.

Ballpark hot dogs and euphoria. That's episode four. Ballpark hot dogs and euphoria. That's also episode one of Black Mirror, by the way. Number two. You got two left. A classic, watermelon. Right? What is summer food about? Thank you, folks.

It's about enjoying something delicious. It's about the satisfaction, the pleasure. But it's also about tapping into your youth, the child within, nostalgia. Like the way you felt when you watched Stranger Things season three, despite not having seen seasons one or two. That's true. I was confused.

You got to think back to what it was like to be a kid in the world. I wanted to hang out with my son and he was watching it and I'm like, what's the deal with Eleven she's weird nosebleed every time huh I just didn't know what was going on are you going to do your Eleven impression

no the audience I'm still workshopping I have an Eleven impression there you go it's that same feeling that you have when you're watching something with Ben and you're sharing something special with somebody you love that's every bite of watermelon. See, I know, House loves

watermelon more than just about anything. I do love watermelon. There's no rebuttal from House. This is going to be very unfair. She's going to be very mad at me. The Maryland blue crab. That's my number one. Crab feet. Oh, that's my number one. That's fine. We can just have it out.

I mean, any of the things that you just described, but especially you must have Old Bay. They must be boiled all together in a giant pot. Everybody has to be assembled. It has to take too long for them to come out, and they have to be over doused. You have to get cuts in your hands. You have to pay the price to pry the beautiful lump crab meat out. That's the key, misery right because you are working so fucking hard to get the smallest yield it's like making the ringer every day right we're putting so much into it so much into it and it feels like we've

birthed it from our loins. You feel the old bag going into the butts on your finger actually entering your bloodstream. Absolutely delicious. Do you feel like as a New England thing crab was never really on the radar for me that much

growing up. It was always like lobster. Lobster. The ham thing was big because lobster you don't pay any prime thing was big you know because if you didn't have money you know your dad was gonna get you like six lobsters for everybody you'd be just sitting there eating clam strips and when you're a kid you're like this is just a weirder tasting french fries so yeah that was good but yeah the clam strip was annoying the maryland the dc the whole crab thing like i know i'm not even gonna talk to you guys

about it because I just know. You know what I mean? It's almost like you guys are kind of arrogant about it. I know. That's just your boy Van Pelt. I mean, you're just talking about Scotty Tuhati. He's the one who... I will not eat a crab cake outside of the state of Maryland.

Will not eat a crab cake outside of the state of Maryland. I understand. You have standards. You're a person of principle. This is why we get along. I have a hot take on crab. I don't like it. I don't like working for when I'm eating food.

Everything you described about how it's the journey and it sucks and it's torture and it's like, yeah, that sucks. I just like my food brought out to me and I can eat it. I don't want to work for it. Can you guys tell the

bill is the boss no that's fair uh no i've never even lobster right i like when you order a lobster and they've actually like opened it and done stuff and then it's like all right now i'm gonna eat it thank you for preparing it for me but then it's, I gotta put a fucking bib on and it's splashing on me. It's going in my contacts. You do also have that option with crab. You can get a delicious crab cake. You can get a Maryland crab soup. Wonderful. You can get a soft shell crab. Crab

imperial. Yes. All terrific. Crab dip on a soft pretzel. Every variety of it. That's right. Yes. House, what was your number one? It's like that scene in Forrest Gump. There are a lot of things you can do with crab, let there be no doubt. A ribeye, a ribeye on the grill. It's my favorite cut of meat in the summer. I love the fat on the grill.

I love the sear. I love the way that the muscle tendon melts down in kind of a buttery kind of way inside there. If you cook it properly. I feel like we're in a biology lesson here. Muscle tendon? This is how we enjoy it. It all builds to this beautiful, delicious mouthful. So you were steak, crabs, corn.

Hot dogs and caprese. And you were crab, ice cream. Watermelon. Chili cheese dog. Chili cheese dog. Watermelon. Soup. Soup.

So to recap. So undermined you. Did it? One of us talked about muscle tendons and figs. And one of us talked about peaches and cream and that feeling of tapping into your childhood and remembering what it was like to be young and free. And reminding you that you can make your own choices and that you're your own person. All right. So we have three votes.

One vote is me. One vote is Rusillo. And the third vote is the audience rusello who wins that ice cream thing just i'm sorry house but it was so beautifully delivered the the recovery there was incredible after the soup so i'm gonna have to go with mal thank you thank you uh i'm voting for House because the combination of... Ridiculous. No, if we're eating all this stuff at once,

hot soup, chili cheese dog, and then ice cream, it's like the diarrhea special. No thanks. Why do you think they make Imodium? Remember, she's home. All right, so the audience, we're just going to judge by the noise. How many of you think Mallory won that one?

Come on. Yes! Even House is voting for me. Nine points. How many have House? Oh! It was the soup. It killed you.

I think you lost. The Mother of Dragons. I think it was a draw. How many thought it was a draw? Yeah, nobody. We'll go have some crabs together. We'll have a crab feast and sort it out. We will. Can we quickly talk about

you know, Ryan's a writer. I'm a writer, obviously. Game of Thrones, they made some choices. Ryan and I were always confused about how to pronounce Gendry? That. Some of the names.

There's a few names we struggled with. Twitter let us know. The food scene, though, on Game of Thrones. What are they eating? How are they keeping the livestock? Is there a menu? What's going on in the 1300s? This is my favorite bit of yours, the 1300s.

What are they eating? It depends on where they are and when. If they're up at Castle Black, then Three-Fingered Hob is probably preparing mutton stew of some sort. Mutton stew. Mutton stew. Yes? No? Sure, sure.

I am. I like that. A lot of mutton. Remember when Arya serves Tywin the mutton in season two at Harrenhal and he says, I don't like mutton and lets her eat it, right? If it's Joffrey's wedding, then it's a 77 course meal. What does he eat right before he drinks the poisoned wine? Spoiler alert, I guess, if you haven't seen season four, episode two of Game of Thrones. Pigeon pie. Pigeon pie. A lot of lamprey pie in Game of Thrones, which is eel.

I think the 1300s were disgusting, personally. A lot of mead. Tormund drinks sour goat's milk, giant's milk, he would tell you. The Dothraki drink mare's milk, clotted mare's milk. What does that mean? It's like milk with clots in it so that it's fermented, alcoholic. I was surprised they were so jacked on just that fermented milk. It's all the horse jerky.

Is that going to make a comeback? Some sort of protein supplement? What was the exercise like back then, Ryan? Sex and fighting. There's no lifting stuff? Lifting large logs? Well, historians have argued. No, yeah, I think murdering, pretty much.

Yeah, murdering. Murdering kept everyone in shape. Can you imagine if you were murdering people regularly, how motivated you'd be to stay in shape? Like, that's such a different level than just showing off on Instagram. It's like, if I go to the wrong village and I'm not in shape, I'm going to die. I actually, speaking of Game of Thrones, I got a great email from somebody, from

a listener who was saying how how is it possible that Kawhi Leonard out-thought people better than anyone did in the last season of Game of Thrones? And he actually did. He played it perfectly. He ended up on the team he wanted. He got the second star he wanted.

And he screwed the Lakers. It was very kind of what we wanted from the final episode. Maybe he up on the team he wanted. He got the second star he wanted. And he screwed the Lakers. It was very kind of what we wanted from the final episode. Maybe he should be on Bran's small council. Maybe he should. Instead, in Game of Thrones, we had... Be a better master of coin than Bronn. We had Dinklage in handcuffs laying out everything for the government, for the future. Yeah, standing there in manacles telling them how the future of the realm would be conducted.

That makes sense. Have you come to grips with the final season at all or no? What do you mean by come to grips with it? Do you feel better or worse about it? I've made peace with it. That sounds like worse. Game of Thrones is very important to me, and I feel like we're lucky to have been alive to share this together. That's where I am with it.

Okay. I know House came to peace with the fact that not nearly enough nudity in the final season for House. I'm not talking about that. I want to see Rosillo's murder Instagram. Murdered a guy. Stay fit. Box jumps. Hashtag.

I think people are going to watch the last season again a couple years from now because we're so predictable. And they'll be like, you know what? It wasn't that bad. It would be like some promise. Yeah, like in the moment there was almost nothing that could happen for it to meet the expectations. You seem pretty skeptical over there. Three more episodes in each of the final two seasons

or three and four. Would have been nice. And then you're fine because none of, it wasn't about the final outcome in literally almost any case. It was just a pacing and plotting issue, right?

Went too fast. So it took a season and a half. I said this to Bill on his pod a couple weeks ago, but a season and a half from Mance Rayder saying he was going to light a fire to lighting ago, but a season and a half from Mance Rayder saying he was going to light a fire to lighting it, right?

A season and a half. But we get two scenes with Danny between, obviously spoilers, lighting King's Landing on fire and dying with one of the primary protagonists of the show. That's just a pacing issue. You would have thrown in a mutton stew scene, you think?

You need the mutton. Some clout milk? I think if you look back at the mutton sequences with Ari on Tywin, some of the best dialogue in the show, you can see that's what we're talking about right here. Sharing a meal, sharing your passions, learning about each other, right?

Then you lean in for the kiss stab. Well, we learned a lot today. We learned that Magic Johnson continues to confound us on Twitter. We learned about summer food. We learned that there was a Rosillo-Morrie rivalry. We learned what everybody would do as they headed to free agency. How's your medical dentist? We learned that.

Thanks for coming out. This was really fun. We really appreciate it. How's your medical dentist? We learned that. Thanks for coming out. This was really fun. We really appreciate it. It's nice to be here. Enjoy the rest of the weekend with some money tonight. Thanks to ZipRecruiter. Don't forget to go to ZipRecruiter.com slash BS. Thanks to Kevin Wilds.

Thanks to everybody who is at the Vegas show and everybody who participated in that. Don't forget about the Rewatchables Fatal Attraction coming up this week. We have two more podcasts coming on this one. And shout out to our friends at Lock It In on FS1 because that show came back today. So check that out.

Back later in the week. I want to see them on the way so I never say I don't have feelings with them. On the wayside, on the way so I never say I don't have feelings with them.