The Bill Simmons Podcast - Handing Out the ‘Heat’ Awards for This NBA Season With Chris Ryan, Van Lathan, and Rob Mahoney

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Chris Ryan, Van Lathan, and Rob Mahoney LIVE at the Wiltern in Los Angeles to hand out quotes from ‘Heat’ as awards for this NBA season (1:11).  Host: Bill Simmons Guests: Chris Ryan, Van Lathan, and Rob Mahoney Producers: Chia Hao Tat and Eduardo Ocampo #ULTRAinstructor could get you closer to the action! https://michelobultra.com/instructor MICHELOB ULTRA® ULTRA Instructor. No Purchase Necessary. Open to US residents 21 plus. Begins on January 30, 2026 and ends on February 22, 2026. See Official Rules at https://michelobultra.com/rules for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit⁠⁠⁠ www.rg-help.com⁠⁠⁠ to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Problem call 100 Gambler or visit RG-Dash help.com. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut. Little do you guys know you're here for the Tommy Lies recap podcast? Two hours. Thanks to Micklo Bultra for having us. I haven't done a live show in L.A. in a while. So it's great to be here with the one and only Chris Ryan over on the ground. That's the troublemaker of the ringer.

Dan Lathen. You don't want to do it's on a laptop. I got to make sure y'all can't see my computer screen. That's the very level-headed Rob Mahoney. Hey, how's it going? So we're going to try something tonight. I'm not positive it's going to work. This is like Nico Harrison trying to talk the Mavericks owners into the

Luca Dantches trade. That went super well. It's ambitious. It's ambitious. I'm not positive it's going to work. But I really like, I think we could win the title if we do this. So you guys know the movie Heat? That's great.

That's really going to help us tonight. We were going to, I used to do when I had a column way back when I'm back when my fingers wrote, I used to do a gimmick where we handed out quotes from movies as awards. And we're going to do that for the 2025-26 NBA season. We were going to hand out quotes from Heat. But it's really just, CR was like, I need it, brother. I need it. He just wanted to do heat.

We were trying to come up to the gimmick. In your metaphor, I'm Rob Polinka. You're the only phone call I made. And I'm like, it sounds like a good deal. Don't tell anybody else. So, CR and I on my old podcast, after I left ESPN, we did Heat on my podcast, not as a rewatchable. It was the 20-year anniversary.

And we just said, fuck it. And we did an entire podcast about heat. Had no idea if people would like it. And then we started to get feedback. back, yo, the Heat Podcast. That was fucking awesome. And it eventually led to the rewatchables where we've done Heat three times.

Yep. Including with the director, Michael Mann, who I think is still confused by what happened. So anyway, CR, why do we keep coming back to this movie? I mean, this is the Bible, man. This is the greatest story ever told. It's two guys struggling each other

in L.A. One takes down scores. One goes after guys like him. and I've gotten to the point now where I can't just watch it straight. I've tried watching it end to beginning. I try watching it. I don't watch Pacino and De Niro scenes. I only focus on like Hank Azaria. Like, I'm doing things with heat that are like,

they need second spectrum. You know, I have to filter things out. So it's just, it never, it's a never-ending gift. You haven't tried to watch it on that Spanish HBO, haven't. Rob Boney, what's your relationship with this? movie? It feels like a loaded question. Will I be fired if I don't like it?

You love it. You told me you love it. I do love it. I mean, it's educational. I think it taught me a lot about masculinity, about books about medals, about... The culture of the ringer? Yeah. Oh, certainly. Interior design, most crucially. Yeah. Or lack of interior design. I mean, Ben Lathan, you love this movie. Love it.

Love it. Cool as bunch of motherfuckers doing the coolest shit that you could imagine. Look, it's also, I see why y'all love the movie so much. That feels pointless. It's too early. Don't start. What's that just sat down? We just sat down.

What do you mean? I see why y'all, this is the type of movie that like two Caucasians could be at a bar together and they don't know what to bond over. And one of them goes, yo, dude, you fucking see heat, dude. Next thing you know, a whole podcast network. his forms. True. That's actually how Chris and I met,

to be honest, to be fair. Well, I'm going to do the lessons of heat. We always do this when we do heat. There's a bunch of lessons, things to take away little fortune cookie things. Number one, never fall for a guy with no furniture. Number two, never leave a living witness

if you've already banked a murder in the same location. Just take them all out. If you've taken two out, just three. It doesn't really matter at that point. Never sell bearer bonds back to the guy you stole them from. Never do it. Yep. You pulled it off.

Don't circle back. Don't go for the second three. You made the first three. Just run back and play some deep. Don't ask for the pick protection. If you're dating someone whose husband is a robbery homicide detective, have her come to your place. Don't go.

She's married. Don't go there. Don't stick around town after someone tells you. you, I'm talking to an empty telephone because there's a dead man on the other line. Pack a fucking bag and get out. Also, CR, don't put your money

into Malibu. I could be in investments. It's been a tough month. Yeah, tough month for them. Two more. Don't settle for a life that revolves around barbecues and ballgames. Isn't that what we did? I think that's what most of us did. Well, is that what Pacino did? Well, no, but us. Oh, us, yeah.

Well, it's a lesson from heat. I'm not saying we should heat it. Oh. Well, then What are these lessons for? Well, these are the lessons from heat. But for whom? Who's supposed to take away this? There's the audience. For the audience.

We're lost soul. We're rude. And then never have anything in life that you can't walk away from in 30 seconds. If the heats around the corner. Rob, so this was Neil's big mantra in the movie. Yeah. And yet in the big famous bank shootout, Val Kilmer's character gets shot. Yep.

What does Neil do? drags him to save him. He goes and gets him. The heat's around the corner. He's like, I got to get my guy. So is this only the opposite sex? What was this rule? Because he saved his buddy.

I think it's aspirational. He wants to believe he's that guy, but he can't be that guy. Van, are you out or are you going back getting Chris? Am I going back? If you're kneel in that situation. You're like, oh, my buddy got shot. I better go get him. 1997.

Oh, God. We go to a place called just a place. for feet in Baton Rouge. Just for feet? Just for feet was the name of the store. Please tell me this is a sneaker store. It was a sneaker store. Okay, great.

Thank God. It was a run by Rex Ryan? No, yeah. And Quinn Tarantino. We go in there and my homies are in there and they got that look in their eye. That looked like they're about to steal.

And I see them milling around and doing their thing. And I tell them straight up, when it goes down, I'm telling. You're straight snitching on him? My daddy not going for it, man. You know? And you know what happened? They stole Nike socks.

And I waved on my way into Cortana Mall. I was like, y'all got them. This are three of the guys right there at peace. Talk to dad, dad said, if you'd have been with him, I'd have left you in jail all weekend. So, yeah, no, I'm not there. You get shot by the police. When the police come, I'm going to take my gun,

steal another car, drive the other way. I'm out. So Michael Mann, he writes this, so Neil says it twice during the movie. The heats around the corner 30 seconds, leading to the end when he pulls the fire alarm. He kills Wayne Grove. He's about to leave.

His paramour is waiting for him in the car. They're going to some. Where were they going to C.R? I thought they were going to South America, but I don't know if we ever get specified where their destination is. Nobody's really looking for them. Nate's playing travel agent, so who knows.

Yeah. And then he sees Pacino from really far away. The heat is now around the corner and he's out. Best tie in two lessons earlier in the movie for an ending. Yeah, I mean, the way that the movie ends with Pacino, or sorry, with De Niro not being able to leave Waingrove alone is the real tell there because it's corrupted him. His need for vengeance is need to set that score right is what does him in at the end.

It's barely Eadie. Eadie is kind of just a passenger at that point. Tough one. When does she date again, Van, do you think? How many months? You think she eases back into it or just like, I'm single now for life? When you look at the movie, first of all, he hits and then the next time they talk, she is like legitimately, she's like, I didn't think you were going to call.

Right. So it's been some time, right? And this is, remember, like, she can't text him at this point. Yeah. So she's waiting for it. She's like, I didn't think you're going to call. Then he comes back. He quasi-kidaps her.

At first it goes, like, you can't leave. you know, on some Sunny from Bronx Tale ship, now you can't leave, then comes back and goes, you know what, I like you enough, you can go if you want. And she's kind of this whole time,

her mind is like, in the blender, she's like, is this the man of my dreams or am I now dating like Hannibal Lecter? Right? And so then,

but at the end, it comes full circle. She likes them. They're on a good accord. She's sitting in the car. The police are riding by. She's like, oh my God,

I've never seen this before. And then he comes out, walks right by her. Yeah. She got tortured this whole fucking film I felt so bad for. She needs to bounce back with somebody that can really put something on her for like a long time. But how long does she wait before she re-enters the dating pool? She got to go right away. Okay.

Right away? Yeah. She got to go right away, man. I'm telling you, Pete Davidson? This is what Pete Davidson is made for. Like, he can smell them. Like, he's out in the... He's like, who just broke up with somebody?

Who just got fucking? over. Here I come. So like this that's what that's what she needs. She got to go right back. Yeah. Is that a pheromonal thing or what's he to picking up on? He can just, he sees the weakness. Makes them laugh. Gotcha.

We're going to do heat quotes. I'm going to try to explain them as much as I can as we do them. I think this is going to work. Some of them are going to be just we have the group answer. Other ones will go around. The first one, this is the Val Kilmer. For me,

Sun rises and sets with her man award. I want to give this... Hold on for a second. Somebody said yeah. That was the one woman in the office. She was fucking somebody else. So is he? Don't matter.

I know. He said nothing regular though. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. He made the wrong decision. This award goes to Mavericks fans. Rob, they have not gotten over the Lucca d'Dontia trade yet. They ended up with Cooper flag. This worked out in a roundabout way.

Why can't they let go? What happened here? I mean, it's too deep. It was too sudden. It was been a year. No, that one's going to the grave. That one's always going to be the one. You're from Texas, so you have real thoughts on this.

So that's it. They're never going to forgive. Absolutely. Would you? So they got rid of the GM. There was a story that the team might actually, like Mark Cuban's allegedly trying to buy them back. For sure.

Definitely going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't sure. with that. If you're the Dallas owners, what's in it to keep the teams here? What's in it to keep the NBA team that they have? Yeah. Where everyone hates you. You go to games and people are like,

there's the motherfucker who sold Luka Donchis. I hate you. I think the kind of people who buy NBA teams are not like their public opinion, like their public approval is not their number one concern. What their concern is is that Texas has gambling and that they could have a sports team that goes along with it, right?

They like searching their name in the Epstein files. They don't care about this type of shit. They're like, oh, no, did Mavs fan 4, 5, 9? Did he got a tweet of a finger thing? So be worried about it. They don't care what the fans think. And people at 10 Horn Flats in Southern Dallas. What the fuck?

This is interesting, though. So why would you want to own a team? So it's basically an investment, like if you bought, like, 10 Starbucks? Because you get talked about on stages like this. Like, nobody would talk about Patrick Dumont, like, ever, you know, in the world. But now he is like, yeah, an arch villain. But he gets to be like, the Mavericks. I own the Mavericks.

See, I think they do want to be like, or else they wouldn't have fired Nico Harrison, right? To save face to do something. You guys fucking, what are you talking about? I think they want to be like. So we're split. Can we ask the crowd? Yeah, I want to know what the crowd is.

Do you think the Mavericks fan owners want to or Mavericks owners want to be liked by the fence? Hey, this is a lot of know. Oh, wow. 50-50. I'm telling you, this is why these billionaires was running y'all. They don't care. Like, they are, they got money.

They own planes. They're doing different type of shit. Yeah. Like, they don't give a damn about none of that. The GMs and the people like that that have to exist inside of basketball culture, they might care. But, like, it's another acquisition for them. I really don't think that they do. Did you have anybody else for this award?

I did. I loved the briefly, like, the briefly lived rumor during trade deadline of Damien Lillard encouraging the Blazers to trade for Yonis. I thought that was awesome. Just the idea of him staring over a fogged in Portland being like the sun, man, sunrises in. That's with him. You don't have invented it. What about you and Concanipple? Oh.

Oh. I think it's beautiful what you found together. I will say, you know, he's my second son. Did you slip up on the Nick Wright Pye, did you say that you drove him somewhere? I drove him back to his hotel after the power of Jesus bill. That's weird. How did it end up in this situation? What you did.

He's 20. I didn't want to put up in an Uber. He's two years older than my son. What did you guys talk about? Talked about a lot of stuff. Talked about life. How long was his drive?

About 30 minutes. 30 minutes? He was in Santa Monica. I had to get my ride. Was he like, call me when you get home just so I know you're safe? I did get worried when the fight

happened last night. Khan was out there. I was like, Khan. Don't get hurt. Next to word Oh this is good I get to do an imitation 30 minutes

That is wild What music did you play? Did you play music? Yeah well what we have to say here for a second How do you set the mood with con? Bill what happened So like So Khan's got to go somewhere

Bill's never giving me a ride by the way Never in life Bill is never like Oh hey do you need me to drop you off somewhere No Visited this motherfucker in Malibu Bill's like I All right. Peace, Gaska. Hope you get home right.

Like, you drove him home. Like, what happened? I drove him to Santa Monica. Okay, drove him to Santa Monica. What? Draft him off and that was that. Okay. I don't want to put him in an Uber. He was, he came all the way over to my house to do the podcast. I don't know. You guys agree with me. The crowd's behind me.

Just a nice person. Sorry, guys. I get to do an imitation here. The Danny Trey Award for Neil. Don't let me like to. this, Neil, please arms. I'm giving this to Steph Curry. Oh, wow. Tough.

Tough. It's over. He's just lying on his back in a pool of blood. There's no more titles to be had. Neil, please. Is there anybody else you would give this to? Steve. Who's holding the gun? Don't trade for yonis. Don't leave me like this. Guy Santos

is holding the gun. He's just begging and he's supporting a warrior to help him out. Who do you have for this year? I agree with you about Steph Curry. What do you think the odds are that he plays for a different team before he is done? Wow, the crowd groaned. Like they were, they can't. Because everybody's thinking the same thing. That can't possibly happen.

You don't want to see that. You don't want to see Stefan a different team. See, the problem is he's won four titles, right, Rob? It's not like he needs to chase a fifth title. Unimpeachable. I don't know why he would leave. I think he's just going to go down with that ship or be put out of his misery, maybe. We saw it with Kobe, where Kobe was just like, yeah, I'm retiring a Laker.

I don't really care what happens with winning. Yeah, because honestly, that means something. It means something to be a guy that wasn't a traded around the league, didn't have to leave to go find a championship somewhere else, to have been the cultural and competitive stability for a franchise for 17, 18, there's not a lot of players who can say that. With that said, wow. Oh, Jesus.

Crowds in the back for a van, I can tell. It's February. It's Black History Month. they should be in the back from me. Shout out Jomi. I saw Jomi in the crowd too. Y'all give it up a Jomi. It is interesting that Charlotte is becoming good

right as Steph Curry's Charlotte that's been bad the entire time he's been on Golden State basically. His hometown team they're retiring his dad's number this season. I saw that. Seating the ground.

Sure. Yeah. Would Steph come off the bench behind Lamello, do you think? Well, we're talking two, three years from now. Sure. Like Steph's 40. This is like,

the tail end. Like, the weird shit happens at the end of people's curse. I don't think he leaves. Okay.

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slash rules for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. Next one. This Slick is no motherfucking joke award for the single flimsyest tidbit that should not have been a major plot device. So the entire plot of heat hinges on... Yeah.

Who played that character, Albert? It's Ricky Martin. Him mentioning this guy that just got out of... Tonloke. Tone Loak. Tone Loak. I know you know Tone Loak. Yeah, yeah. Tone Loak.

Also in Ace Ventura, right? Oh, yeah. The year before. So it all hinges on him remembering that this guy that got out of jail called people slick, triggering Pacino's memory of a witness saying that, and that's it, we're off. Now we've found slick.

Are we buying this? No. Okay. Well, who do you have for this award? I had the 65 game requirement for MVP and the awards. Like, this was not something that I had in my list of things that I was going to need to care about in my 40s. And I don't even know who's it going to be the, like,

if these guys keep dropping. And like, who's going to win MVP this year? So Yokic is going to be out. Janice is our guy out. Shay is going to miss it. Shay, I mean, it depends on how long they keep him out. Right. He's dealing with his abit.

LeBron's gone. Luca is on pace to be out. And if you care about like Joelle Embed, Steph, those guys are out. I mean. Yeah. How many heartbeats away are we from Kauai Leonard fucking around not planting a tree and becoming MVP? Like how many people have to drop out?

It's closer than you think. Yeah. I mean, that sponsorship would finally pay off, you know? I think they should give it to Shadua Sanders. They should have, the mistake they made is they should have done 2,000 minutes or 65 games. Because 2,000 minutes is significant. Like, if you played 58 games and 2,000 minutes, you're playing 34, 35 minutes in the games you played. How does they put enough thought into it?

How do we square our animus for that rule also with our general? animus for load management and guys not playing in games and things of that nature. Well, I think I understand why they did it because they were trying to prevent these guys from a situation like last night. Right. Where if you had Spurs, Lakers tickets and you're like, I'm so excited.

Wambi, LeBron, Luca. And then the Lakers are like, here's our team and there was literally nobody. Yeah. They're running the video before the game and the JumboTron and none of the guys in the video are playing in the game. And you're like, I just paid $700 for these seats or whatever. So I think they're trying to

trying to fix that, but the schedule is too long, as we've discussed a million times. And that's it. Did you have anything for this, Rob? How sicko do you want to go this early in the show? Oh, let's go. We got to keep the crowd awake. I think Landry Shamet saved the Knicks. I don't know how that happened. He starts flying. All of a sudden, they can't lose to anybody

except the Indiana Pacers somehow. We don't want to talk about that. But I don't know. Like, they were in shambles. And then Landry Shamit came back from the dead, and all of a sudden they're a functional team again. That's pretty good. That's a good one. Sixth Banner Award? Let's give it to him.

He's the only eligible player. I'm really excited for this next award. This gimmicks work in, right? Right. Yeah. All right. Thanks. Why don't you be confident?

Yeah. Well, I'm having a good time. I just want to make sure. Is it better or worse than driving conques? I was about to say, you spent 30 minutes in the car with Conkin. You was confident enough to do that. You could conquer the whole fucking world. You were like 20-year-old man getting my car.

That's so creepy, Bill. Bill, like, you don't know. understand? That's so odd. What is that about it? I know him, though. All right. This award kind of made up. It's the Making Out Without Pacino's Coffee,

Cigarette, Morning Breath for multiple takes award for the single worst day in the job. The poor actress who has to make out without Al. Diane Vinora, yeah. All morning. They're like, Michael Mann's like, let's do Take 8. She's like, kill me, honestly. outside of 64 ounce coffee and five Marlboro Reds. Who'd you have for this year?

I had Adam Silver seeing the Janus Kalshi partnership tweet. Love it. You know like shit. Love it. Can you imagine? Think about that. What a bad. Think about like if 2015 Kobe was like,

I would like to announce my partnership with Brazzers. Like, what a bad. It's gambling, dog. Like, you know what a bad look. What the fuck is going on with y'all? Especially like the day after he didn't get traded when there were all these bets about whether he get traded or not. He concocted a fiction to get people betting on it

and didn't say, hey, put some money down. It's weird. He perpetrated a fraud. The facts were like not that serious about trading that they were like, you can call. But we're not, so clearly there was something mysterious going on. Allegedly. Do you have one for this, Rob?

Chris Paul, the day no one showed up. to his Halloween party. Oh, man. I mean, that just sucks. Second grown from the crowd. Rob cooking. I'm sorry. That was one of the, so they have these,

Brian Curtis always calls these, the now they tell us article after something bad has happened. There was just one today about Jonathan Cominga. Yeah. Whereas his family was eating too much food from the pregame Warriors table. Unbelievable. Now they tell us. But now they tell us for the Chris Paul was that Halloween story.

It's like, here's how bad a guy. I got a fantastic joke about the. being a thing, but I can't let it fly. Nah. They can edit it out? No, no, no, no. Nobody will treat about it. Somebody said, be a man.

For a single worst day of the job, Paul, Paul Pierce's kind of crisis team? Paul Pierce? I mean, Paul George. Paul George. Paul Pierce's too. Paul Pierce, he doesn't even have a crisis team anymore. I like them more. They all quit.

PG, I don't really even know if he would have a crisis team. His career has been relatively crisis-free in that way until now. Yeah, that was tough. Next award, Dennis Hayesbert's in this movie. He plays the guy who ends up becoming the driver. This is the Dennis Hayesbert, briefly becoming a short-order cook award for worst and most forgettable career step. And I have to do Anthony Davis and the Wizards here.

I don't know how long. is going to last. It's clearly a trade for we're trying to figure out new ways to tank, Rob. And the traditional tanking doesn't work. Oh, I see. Like short term for the Wizards tank. Yeah, let's trade for

a guy who's not playing again this year and we'll give up some stuff for him. Then we have a built-in excuse and then maybe he's an asset next year. Well, what if they're good? I'm about to say. This is what I'm going to say is like in retrospect, Donald should have probably stayed on the line cooking omelets that day. Yeah. Because it was a pretty tough end

He hated his boss. That is the lesson from Pete. Do not give up your short order cook's job to go drive. But every time I watch the movie, I want to kick the boss in his fucking teeth, man. The boss is just a terrible fucking guy. He actually passed away today. The actor, Bud Court.

Did he really? Is that for real? Oh, man, rest of peace. You mean for real? Yeah, he did. Oh, dog. I fucked with the boss, man. It was a really inspired performance.

That's fucked up. It's a messed up character. It is, man. I feel bad now, though. Chris actually gave me that same spiel when I came to the ringer. He's like 25% of your salary off the top. Write whatever fucking blog posts I don't want to do.

How long is AD in the Wizards? Is it there in 2027? I think it'll be two seasons. Oh, interesting. Two full seasons after this little chunk of change, I think. I think he's out in January. Are they not like a weirdly interesting team? I think this is going to work.

Having added him and what they have now, this is amazing to watch you guys talk. I think there's like a game. There's a sleeping giant basketball fandom in that area. I think Trey and him probably are going to play pretty well together, and it's a good look for the young guys to be like, it's not all on us. You know, I think it's going to work.

It's too bad it's not 2020. Next award. The selling Roger Van Zant has stolen bonds back at 60% of their value to make 40% on top of the 100% award. For Best Idea on Paper, that was actually insane in retrospect. I have to give this to, if this story is true, Mark Cuban, trying to buy back the Mavericks. Sold super low in the market right after it exploded

and the team was probably worth, what were the Mavericks? What would they have been worth last year? What was the final soap? I thought it was like three and a half. Isn't it like six? Wouldn't it be six? I mean, a massive team with a clear superstar and one of the biggest markets in the country.

I would think he'd be huge sale. Hasn't he spent all his money on Indiana football now, though? I guess it went well. Chris, did you believe this story? I did not. It just sounded like kind of a PR move. I mean, also it's like,

what is that? A phone call? It's like, no, click. Right. Yeah, that's a good point. It would be kind of funny if Patrick Dumont was like,

if the word is on the street that you can take my money. Right. Next to word, Kelso, the guy in the wheelchair. You want to do it, Chris?

It comes to you. This stuff just flies through the air. They send this information beamed out all over the fucking place. So, The Kelso predicts the entire future of the internet from a wheelchair award for single best vision of 2026. What do you have, Rob?

Is he the best hang in the movie? Like, just a normal, well-adjusted a guy with a hobby? You think he's normal? He seems pretty normal. Honestly, relatively speaking? I would give him a ringer podcast right now. I think he had really good ideas. You should make him the third chair on Game Over.

Put him in there. Or put him plain English. He could be a rotating host with Derek. Sign him with Clutch. Who'd you have for, who'd you have for this? I had the wizards and the jazz buying distressed assets and immediately tabling them in order to tank. Is this not the Derek Queen trait? From which for best,

best fishing or worst fishing? I mean, this is like, it seems to me this is the best vision. Like, he turned into like an actual player. Yeah, the idea is that this is something nobody had thought of. Nobody thought of. They didn't know now he's Negroa Yokic. I'm glad you didn't share that before. Yeah.

I got another one too. You want to get it up your chest now or you want to wait? Nigelow Yogich. What'd you have for this, right? You're moving on. Keep it a moving all. What are you supposed to do? Keep it a moving.

You drove 30 minutes with confidence. But you can't, but you're too shy to laugh. This is, that ties into my answer. I had the Hornets for this. Okay. It took them forever, but they finally figured out a nucleus that I kind of like. What'd you have?

Is it not just the Thunder having everything, all the young players, all the future plans, the Clippers pick. I don't know how they aren't the vision for every future at this point, unfortunately. Yeah, you're probably right. Sorry. Like, when is Rob going to be wrong? It's weird. No, the problem with the Thunder, we struggle with this doing basketball on our podcast.

There's just not a lot of angles. It's like everything's been said. They have a ton of assets. They did everything perfectly. Their team likes each other. There's no drama. Coach is a normal guy. GM just kind of keeps his head down does his job.

I don't even know who the owners are. Like, what's there to say? I've got a wrinkle for them later. I got something from later. Spurs might have their number. All right, three more, and then we have a special list from Vann. The Vincent's girlfriend telling him, I'm stoned on grass and prozac,

and now I have to demean myself with Ralph just to get closure with you. Award. For a single worst relationship. Poor Ralph. What'd you go with here? John Morant and the Grizzlies. Awesome.

That's the answer. What'd you have CR? Kaminga and the Warriors. Oh, that's a good one. I had Balmer and Kauai. I mean, they're still finding LLCs.

Paolo's finding out more more LLCs every week. Kauai has more LLCs than anyone who's ever lived. But you don't feel like, you don't feel like they trauma bonding? I see a world where Balmer calling up Kauai

like, hey man, this little motherfucker's at it again. What we're going to do about the problem? like hey man you got to know anybody they talk to all this we gotta get rid of this motherfucker man Chris

what were the high times for Vincent and and his girlfriend for Diane Van yeah had it what were the oh I bet they were what was the courting process

maybe he had like a little bit of a like a soft spark in his schedule like a lull in major crimes between and he was just like you and me

we're going out we're going to we're going to so you think it was dinners like they were just 95 let's go see what, Nick Van Exel? I don't know who was playing in 95.

The Lakers are going to get Shaquille O'Neal. The Malibu Equity Investment Special Achievement Award for Best Money Laundering Operation. I mean, I don't even think we have to answer this one. I mean, there's one that's literal money laundering. So I would also, I don't know if does Tankapalooza, 2006, qualify for this as a money laundering operation? No, that's more out front, I think, now. Like, that's...

You're basically, you're charging your fans full price. Like, look at Utah the other night. You're charging your fans full price. In the fourth quarter, you take out all the best players in your team and play, like, the player seven through 11 and try to lose the game, but you don't. And then everyone's in the locker. After, like, yeah, weird one. Whoa.

But then they asked Will Hardy, did you think about putting those guys back in? He's like, nah. No, I didn't. So it's not laundering. You're right. It's just out front. All right. Last one. The Natalie Portman has Vincent's Troubled Stepdaughter Award for I'm not sure why we needed this plot.

But maybe I can see why, if I squint long enough at this award. C.R., did we need the Natalie Portman plot? Like, ultimately, is this a cut? It's a little bit of a drag on rewatches, but in the totality of the movie, it kind of works. You know, like, I wouldn't want it without Natalie Portman. It's so weird. The Barrettes. It's interesting because there's a scene in the movie

where he gives her a ride back to the house. And even in the movie, it's like there wasn't expecting to see her as odd. You can come and call her mom's like, why would you do that? They're in the car 30 minutes. Like, what happens? And so...

That's pretty good, man. I'm not letting it cold. That's wild. I had for this one. Inside the NBA on ESPN. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Another third groan of the night.

What is going on with this? These guys, the whole point of the show being special was they would come on after the games for like over an hour and just do their thing. And now they're getting shoved out in a half hour. Yeah. And then everyone said, no, no, it's not going to have it. And then it just feels like neutered inside the NBA. It's sad, bro. I don't think it's good for anybody.

I don't think they like doing it. I don't like watching it. Like, who is that product for if you're going to contain those guys into a 15-minute block? It's really strange. I hope it changes in the second half of the season. I mean, they said their schedule was going to be weighted towards that. They're grown in a little bit now, like the audience. But the question is, like, how long do they, they are used to being sort of the cultural standard center for commentary of the NBA?

Right. And, like, how long do those guys who are, like, legends at this? How long do they stay comfortable? At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup

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What with that? Speaking of comfortable and uncomfortable, it's time for Van's special top five list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I ask fans, sometimes when he comes on the rewatchables, he makes a top five list for us, and what do you have for us, Van? All right, so I'm going to do some NBA comps to heat, right?

I'm doing my whole top five here. So Neil, Neil is clearly LeBron, okay? A cultural, psychological leader of the movie and team claims to know when to quit, but obviously doesn't. Secretly, he knows it's over, but he wants somebody to take it from him. I'm not going back, right? Also, he is willing to make an example

out of any subpar player that doesn't share his DNA. Okay, my. Shiharlis, Kyrie Irving. Oh, that's good. I like it. Beautiful killer. looks better doing his job than anyone.

Perfect 1A? Probably not an ideal one. Wouldn't want to build the crew around him. Least likely person in the crew to get vaccinated, most likely person in the crew to maybe be right about it. Okay, let's move on. Okay. All right.

I apologize. Been on YouTube. Okay. Vincent. Steph. Highly technical. natural, skilled foil to Neil's force of nature, computer-minded, methodical,

but when he is on, he is the entire reason to watch the movie. Has a marriage that the movie is probably too concerned with. Man, be careful. I'm just saying, we need to get out of the people business. I'm saying we probably too invest it, just like we were probably too invested in the movie. Okay.

Trita, Draymond Green. Yes. Yes. Indispensable do-it-all glue guy. the crew, who doesn't realize that his mouth probably caused the end of the dinosaur. But it did.

Van Zant. Son's owner, Matt Ishiba. Soup-wearing business guy who thinks he can control what goes on in these podcasts and Internet streets. And just like Van Zant, we might have

to make an example out of him if he keep running his motherfucking mouth. One more. Wayne Groh. Dylan Brooks. No further explanation. You know, that was good.

The thing with Vincent and Steph, Steph would have the hot streaks from three. Like out of nowhere, it would hit the three threes in a row. Kind of like Vincent, just the random scenes. Just yelling randomly. Yeah. By the time I get to Phoenix. It'll be rising. All right. More quotes.

We have a special Vincent Hanna section coming up. The What the Fuck is a Regular Life Barbecues and Ball Games Award for most depressing, but probably accurate look on life. Tanking works, Rob. Most of the best players in the league have ended up on teams that probably tanked to get them for the most part. And that's why teams keep doing this. This is why we've had tanking for 42 years and counting. This is why we've never come up with the rules to stop it.

And there's this awesome draft this year. All of these teams that are doing this are probably going to be rewarded in some way. Fucking bleak. Yeah. What would you do? How would you stop it? How would I stop tanking? Yeah.

Everyone, this is what everyone's talking about this week. I don't think there's a good fix for it. I would in the NBA draft, to be honest with you. I would do rookie free agency. I would do you have an allotted rookie exception based on how bad your record is, but ultimately, like, make it a marketplace. Like, why? Like, who would ever be like, I'll go to Utah then? I mean, the question is, like, are you going to take $8 million to go to Utah?

Or are you going to take the minimum salary to go to L.A.? Right. So how does this work in soccer, Chris? But even with that, though, there's going to be cultural considerations. You can't take in soccer. You get relegated. You lose tons of money. And lots of teams, like, fall down the toilet and never get back. Like, it's really hard. Yeah. I mean, if you end the draft, you change the structure of the league competitively for a while.

But look, I mean, the tanking thing is like a deeper question about, is there a, Is there a method of thinking that tanking is actually a competitive strategy? But this is the problem is that these guys just don't know branding. The Sixers had it. They called it the process. They announced what they were going to be doing. They were talking about what was going to go into it instead of pretending. You know, they sat Embed for his rookie year.

They sat Simmons. They had injuries. And the fans kind of loved it. They were got super defensive. We got insane. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. This is working.

Yeah. But also how did it go? We got to the second round of the playoffs. Just like we did with Drew Holiday. It's fair. The you see me doing thrill-seeker liquor store holdups with a born to lose tattoo on my chest award for best hope for the future. What do you have, Rob? I mean, I think it's got to be Cooper.

Is there a better answer than that? Yeah, I was going to say the entire draft class. I was going to combine that with this coming draft class, this is like, we're talking next generation of the week right now. I was going for in-game dunks. Yeah. Any disagreement, Van? No. Okay.

The Neil McCauley. I am alone. I am not lonely romance award. So what is the romance in that? Well, I'm going to give it to you now. First of all, bleak display of how you feel about maybe falling in love and caring about other people. Sure. I'm giving it to the Bulls owners in front office for 11 years and counting of just being like,

Fuck you guys. Don't really care about any of you. We're going to go 40 and 42. We're not going to pay the luxury tax. Middle finger right here, baby. You love Michael Jordan 30 years ago? You can come and look at his jersey. We're going to have a shitty team to give you.

Here it is. I think that's the right answer. I think that's the right answer. All right. All right. Two more. The Evil Wain Grow. The Grim Reaper's Visiting with you Award.

Did you have one for this? Because I have a good one. I didn't. I want to hear yours is. It's Palo with the advanced basketball metric nerds coming after him this year. They came after them early. They're still coming. They're talking about his long twos, Rob.

They don't like the lack of playmaking. God forbid someone talks about your long twos. So the big salary, could he be available this summer? The nerds are out on Palo. I think people were hopeful and waiting. And it's just like the magic have not turned any corner whatsoever for years now. They lost tonight to Camp Thomas and the Bucks. I mean, just kind of embarrassing.

Yeah. Camp Thomas is on the books. He's on the bucks. He's got to start out with the bucks. Not only is Camp Thomas on the bucks, there is a two and a half minute Camp Thomas highlight video from tonight's game when he had 34 points.

He kind of, and he is fucking cooking the magic. He is the bucks right now. And you can see Doc Rivers, a look at his face like, I thought I was going to be playing golf early April. Now I might be in the plane.

I have to cancel some trips. Can we shift focus back to the movie for one second? Yeah. Wayne girl is a serial killer. Yes. It's a hobby of his outside of bank robbery. Yeah. Yeah. Wingo's killed several young women. So if they did the scripted version, the scripted TV version in this movie, there's a wingro episode where he's just killing.

In the movie, they kind of throw it in as a little extra. Yeah. It's strange. All right. Last one. I do appreciate you not throwing those quotes about being a real cowboy and a hot dog and the fuck of her young life as one of the themes. to save the audience from that. All right, we got to do this. I hesitate to do this because I know how excited Vann's going to be, but the Diner Scene Showdown Award for there's a flip side to that coin.

What if you got me boxed and I got to put you down? This is every Celtics fans fair with Jalen and Jason Tatum when Jason Tatum comes back. Them staring at each other across the diner table and Jalen like, this is my team now. Right, that's not what he would say. he's going to look at me and be like get that light skin shit out of here okay it's a real motherfucker in the room

back up when a G comes in this bitch 30 again what the fuck you've been doing get out of here okay and you know it's happening you know it's happening and I told you was going to happen I do study I do study the interviews that they give in the quotes and whether one guy's mentioned the other guy it's it's dark not great I'm not proud of it's like I'm from Minta bitch You can only understand what I'm saying.

Do you really think you really do? Wouldn't you be happier if Jason Tatum just took a year off to recover from the Achilles injury, which is what he's supposed to do? I think if he's healthy, like, why would he play basketball? But that's how it works. But if they clear him and they're like, you're ready to play basketball. They cleared Lindsey Vaughn. Like, what are you talking about?

They definitely didn't clear Lindsay Vaugh. Shout out to her. She's been giving back to the community for a long time. Man, we... The fact that that happened in February, that was a shot to us all, man. Rob, are you worried about this? I'm worried about my career at this point.

Are you worried about this Celtics thing at all? I don't know what the negotiation is. Like, I'm kind of with Van. Like, they're one of the best offenses in the league and Jalen's been cooking. Like, what are we talking about exactly? Great. You made me all feel better.

Can I ask you a question, though? You want Jason Statham to come back. and the Celtics fans are really invested in Jason Tatum. But obviously, to his point, like, what's the big deal? Take the year off. The Celtics weren't going to, like, just get as healthy as you possibly can. It's an Achilles injury. It's a very serious injury.

Why to rush back? Does he need to assert dominance over the team to let people know that he's the big swing of dick? I just think these guys are meant to do what they're meant to do, and he's a basketball player. And if they're telling him, he's healthy, he's just going to want to put another six months to play? Right. I think that's what it comes down to. I'm hoping it.

I mean, these guys, I love having these guys in the same team. I'm hoping it works out. I'm hoping it's great. I'm hoping it fits in. I'm hoping it's one big happy family. I'm hoping it blows the fuck up. Sierra.

You hope to hate each other. That's what I'm hoping. Yeah, I'm in L.A. And by the way, I just want to say something real quick, real quick before we move on, man. You know, I get accused by the people on Reddit and stuff and ejecting politics into everything and stuff like that.

And I know that this is a time where as a country we're pretty divided. But I do want to take the time right now, right here, to really give congrats to a group of American heroes who this past Sunday stopped the evil empire from rising up again. So up there in Seattle, man, y'all like the Jedi, baby. That's what I'm talking about, baby.

Twelve men. Twelve. Twelve man in this bitch. I heard you talking shit about. that Eagles Super Bowl 2 on the on the pod where you were like that didn't count that was a 50-50 game I honestly have no comeback at all

we got destroyed I watched all of Will Campbell's pass protection no no I literally did I did that today I watched every pass block he did I was like it wasn't that bad wasn't as bad as I remember that's the stage I'm at now defending the left tackle

who gave up two sacks and nine All right, we have a special Vincent Hanna section, and we have the best Vincent Hanna person on the planet, Chris Ryan. Chris is going to do these quotes. Take it away, Chris. Here's the first one. I've got three dead bodies on a sidewalk off Venice Boulevard, Justine. I'm sorry if the goddamn chicken got overcoops award for Guymos,

Guy most beaten down by his own profession. There's just nobody doing it like you. We got many more too. I got Billy Donovan for this. For the 1442 for nine straight years. Third chamber of hell. Just like here we are again. What new kings do I have on my team?

Yeah. Is Nico Harrison eligible anymore for this? Absolutely still eligible. Yeah, I think he would be my pick. I don't know if he works again. What's his next shot? I would be shocked in the NBA. He's going to work at Foot Palace and Baton Rouge.

Just for feet. I think the detail I'm always going to remember out, Nico Harrison's like right before he was fired, a Dallas fan, like accosted him and his daughter out to dinner, and it was because he took his daughter to Twin Peaks, which was like a Hooters adjacent restaurant. It's like, of all, why any of this? For a second, I thought it was like a rep theater screening of Twin Peas.

No. It's like, David Lynch was just in his bag, honey. watch this. Do the next one. The next one is the Give me all you got! Give me all you got! Award. I have the

bucks at the trade deadline, and I don't even think they were serious. Yeah. That's the one. They're just like, we want all your picks, and we want an All-Star, and more guys. Just, and throw some other stuff in, and I don't think they were ever serious. And also, Rob, the weird thing

was some of the best teams in the league were not serious about trading for him. Spurs were like, no thanks. Rockets were like, we're good. OKC's like, fuck no. Celtics, no. You go through the top, Cleveland couldn't do it because of the apron. So why wasn't he as popular of a trade asset as you would have thought he would have been

if he was a top 20 guy of all time? I think it shows hard with that level of salary if you're not in the off season. Like, it's just easier to wait and trade him later because if you do trade him now, it's like, do you want Jonathan Cumingo or Colell Ware in exchange for one of the greatest players with a bunch of weird picks. Yeah.

It just didn't really make sense. Well, maybe he'll be in the playoffs. What's the next one, Sierra? The, I told you when we hooked up, baby, that you were going to have to share me with all the bad people and all the ugly events on this planet award for best excuse for being terrible at something.

Yo, this should not be this funny to me. I'm on the rewouse with one. all the time. It kills me with the fucking voices. One of his best things. I have Adam Sover just being able to unable to stop tanking at all.

She's like, I just can't. I can't stop it. I can't stop this from happening. What you have? Aaron Gordon and Christian Brown got hurt and the Nuggets just didn't play defense

for three months. Like, yeah, we're good. No, there's no way to fix it. Like, let's just wait. Yeah. All right. Next one, Sierra. The, you could get hurt

walking your doggy award. Uh, I think I know what this is for. Go for it. That's what he says. I mean, this is the Achilles calf thing. This is the soft tissue and the Achilles stuff. Yeah.

More calf stuff in the last two years, I feel like, than we had in the previous 20. And I have no explanation for it other than it seems like they run more. Eurostep, stepbacks on threes. You said this with Eurostep. Why is that Eurostep is really doing people's Achilles like that? I don't know. It's a conspiracy bill theory.

I'm not going to apologize for it. I think they do unnatural emotions that in our, you go back and watch games from the 70s and 80s. Everybody's just going this way, back and forth. They try to get through. We're all high on cocaine running in those three lines. Now we're doing this. We're going backwards.

We're doing these fancy steps. What do you think it is, Rob? I mean, I think it's exactly what you said. Explosive movement in ways that players were never doing before. They refuse to touch the sketch. which is the one thing they actually need to fix and they don't want to mess with it. I think it's these bullshit-ass skill coaches

teaching these motherfuckers all this kind of shit that don't make no sense. In and out, dribble, left right, tween, tweed, back, spin, half-360, move up under the basket, over the top. Okay, that's the way fuck all that shit. Get the ball, make a move, pass the motherfucker. Do cocaine throw an entry pass?

The whole nine. Let the center hold it for four seconds. Right. Throw that bad at it. Kim Elijah won't let them go get a bucket. Think about all that shit we have in 2006. Like, probably the best sneakers we've ever had.

All of these things you can put on your legs and, like, we have ice bass and saunas and a million different things that you would think people would be getting healthier, less healthy. Well, I mean, you know, the game is different. The pace is different. They're playing the game in a totally different way.

So nothing is a substitute for, like, the stress that you put on your body. I actually heard Dr. Clapper one time talked about the fact that the game has played so much in gyms that the players might not be getting the vitamin D. Who's Dr. Clapper? Why'd you say that?

Like, everybody would know what that it is. You guys don't listen to The Weekend Warrior Show? No. Y'all know the Weekend Warrior Show? So he was talking about the fact that what he thought, and you know, this is one of those things to where, because you guys know I'm hypersensitive to almost everything.

So, like, this is one of those things to where I listened to it. And the first, I was just, driving in my car, I was like, what does he mean by that? And then by the end, I was like, oh, he's spitting. So he said that they should pump in UV light into gyms. Yeah.

Did you, oh, you like that? No, I don't. That sounds horrible. Why are we pumping in UV light? This is what Dr. Clapper said. I don't know who that is. Let me cook. Dr. Clapper said that it used to be that a lot of these players who are

black, that they would play out. side and they would get raised from the sun. And these rays from the sun would strengthen them because they got melanin and what have you. And so they would get stronger bones or whatever. He was like, but what happened was y'all laughing, this is what Dr. Clapper said.

So he said, what happened was they went into gyms and they're not getting as much sun exposure as they need as the original people of planet Earth. You feel what I'm saying? And so the injuries that you see might be because of that. So he said what they should do is they should put UV lamps inside of gyms to feed the skin, the soul, and the bones of these. You guys are all laughing.

RFK is definitely appointing this guy. This is really important thing. This guy wants to put UV lights and I agree. I mean, so basically they could also just take vitamin D. Wow, Bill. that would hope. If I was running an NBA team, if I was doing especially the medical department,

I'd zag hard and move my practice facility closer to an electrical substation. Oh, like the numbers, yeah. Because pressure makes diamonds. You guys, they'll all turn into Wolverine by the end of six months, yeah. I thought you're going to say outdoor practice facility suggested by Dr. Clapper.

We're joking, but this is actually like an actual real problem at the league. Yeah. I'm sorry. When you say Dr. Clapper, I was prepared for any job for him. Like, Bouncer at a strip club, rapper, doctor. He was a doctor for the Lakers or something like that. I'm surprised you don't know.

Like Dr. Pepper was a doctor. Like John Clapper. C.R., what's the next one? The, I had coffee with McCauley, half an hour ago award for most dumbfounded reaction? Yeah, I just, I didn't really have an award for this. You just wanted me to do that line. I have one.

This is me when Van told me the Lakers should just straight up cut LeBron at the office. And then tried to explain it. Wait, could you explain that?

You wanted them to cut LeBron? Yeah, get them out of here. So would it help the salary cap? I mean, this is my thing. First of all, I love LeBron James. I have to say that. I have to say it.

Or else, you know, you won't get invited to Image Awards and all that stuff. So, like, I love LeBron James. I think LeBron James is a fantastic. human being

the right career the right guy great father humanitarian astronaut physicist sociologists all of that stuff economist

one time I sit down LeBron was talking about let me tell you something about Kinsey and economics I was like oh shit was he reading a book in the locker room? The whole deal all of it I just was like one day I was

pissed off I think I maybe I saw two possessions where he went like that And I was like, you can't have Luca doing like that And LeBron doing like that And I just called Rob and I said, Get him out of here! It was emotional. So you cut him, you save salary cap,

he goes to a contender, everyone wins. Oh, no, this wasn't even a save salary cap. This was just in the middle of the season And a fit of rage. They just cut LeBron. Yeah, I was just venting to Rob. Like it was Mac McLung, just like, write him off. Well, you know what?

I wasn't expecting, but the shit to be brought up. Appreciate it. All right. buckle up for this last award for Vincent Hanna section, part one, because there's a part two later. The, she's got a great ass! And you got your head all the way up it!

Award for, okay, what drug was this guy on here? So, some background. I have a subcategory for this, which is from Ricky Martin in this movie. This could also be the, it's a substance abuse problem, brother. Where's your empathy? What's your empathy?

So we found out years later, as research keeps coming out about this movie, that Al Pacino allegedly decided that Vincent Hanna had a cocaine problem. Yes. And that he plays him in certain scenes. He was shipping coke. Like somebody who had just done cocaine,

explaining they'd give me all you got. Which we have a pretty confirmed. Hank Azari didn't know that was coming? No. You could see it on his face. Yeah, he's like, what's this guy doing? So what drug was this guy on? It's obviously this is the Paul George discussion.

Yeah. We still don't know what he did. Nope. I have some educated guesses. Yeah. Well, we'll end it there. All right. Vince and Hanna's coming back later for part two.

Some more quotes. The BJs at Alvarado at 2 a.m. award for what the hell actually happens there? That place was busing. BJs? BJs. It was what? It was busing. Two o'clock.

What the fuck are you talking about right now? BJ's in Alvarado. BJ's on Alvarado in Ktown. It's hopping. Yeah. Hoping works better for you. Busing. Okay, Bill.

I'm fucking with it. That's what... Con Cinnipple said. I got that from my daughter. No, my daughter got it. That's actually my daughter's thing. You decided to shout to shout to Zohie. Shout to Ben being here, too.

I put NBA player podcast for this. Okay. Because I only say the clips on social and I've never actually listened to any of them. And I'm not actually sure what happens in the universe, but then occasionally there's four... And it just happened on the Jeff Teague pod. Occasionally people...

Occasionally, people... Yeah, occasionally they're like almost a fight is going to break out. And it's two minutes, and then there's an article the next day that everything's fine. And it just seems like it's now this new subculture of media. I watched that whole podcast. It was one of the most entertaining podcast I've ever listened to. Shout out to T for coming back and apologize.

And I do not know what T was on that day, but that was a great podcast. So he was, like, trying to antagonize a linebacker. They were having an argument over what sport is, like, what's more meaningful or what's better. like out of the NBA and the NFL, obviously to completely different sports with completely different structures. 520 is one of the best podcasts out there, but like that was actually interesting content.

And I think that's what I kind of dig about the player pods is that they are not media trained. So when it's authentic, it does feel like your eaves dropping on conversations that people actually have. I don't count the TIG one as a quote unquote player podcast because he's a retired athlete. And I think his podcast is pretty unique.

Yeah, it is. It is. There's a really good pocket. It feels like the ones with the actual players are multiplying. I'm more of a thanalysis guy myself. Next one, the Roger Van Zant. I'm just hanging out watching a college hockey game and, oh, my God, help me! Shot award for most unexpected murder.

Yeah. Did that happen in the NBA season? So the Mavs fans have finally calmed down. Nico Harrison's out. They have Cooper flag. And then it's the one-year anniversary of the Luca train. and it becomes a two-day media story about, hey, it's the one-year university of Luca trade.

And they're just Roger Van Zandh hanging out, watching some college hockey. And all of a sudden, they're getting shot. The chair's going through the slider and they're getting shot. All right, this is a big one. The Tom Seismore. Say, thank you, Niko. The Tom Sizemore, for me,

the action is the juice. Award for a supporting star throwing a team on its back. C.R. Take the stage with Tyrese Maxi. Tyrese Maxi. Now, no longer the supporting star. Now is the star. I would die for him. Thank you to the COVID draft for letting him fall into the Sixers.

Thank you to Darrell Mori for drafting him. Thank you to Vijay Edgecombe, who will play his backcourt partner for 10 years, hopefully. And Joe L.M.B., like, thank you, brother. You can just chill, score 40 at night, do whatever you got to do. Take a week off. It's Maxie's time. Today. It took today.

Yeah. Is he ever first team all NBA? I feel like he has to be at this point. Yeah. You think he's better than Jalen Brunson? I do. Yeah. Sorry.

I do. It's a long season. Hey, you right here. Who are you a fan of? No, you. Yeah, him. You got, you pointed out with the black hat right here. When I said that, you, you like that shit.

Nah, you, right here in the front. He was like, I. He's like, all those people, which he was, like, he said, I think he's better than Jalen Brunson. And you was like, yeah, this motherfucker talking that real shit. You like Maxie. Are you breaking out for social right now? I'm not breaking off for social right? I'm not watching them.

I'm watching what's going on right here in the front. Can we talk a little Sizemar here? I'll talk to my man. We've talked about this on three rewatchables about heat. It's the famous scene when, when first it goes to Kilmer and says the bank's worth the risk. Seismore's like, I don't know if we should do it. He's like, no, no, you got to tell me, Michael, what are we doing? You know, this is your call.

Forget about me. He's like, I'm down with whatever you do. And Seizmore does the step back. Yes. And then there's a smile. And it's like, he's just chewing up the scenery. And it's like our favorite moment in a movie of somebody who's not as big of a star. Yeah.

As the person in the scene being like, fuck it. I think I'm as good as De Niro. I'm just going for it right here. And this was the highlight of his career. Yeah. Right? Yes. Gotta be.

I love how there are actors who read as like this guy feels so cerebral or this guy feels so charismatic and you're right. There's like heavy weights in this movie. He reads as like, that's just a solid dude. That guy will just show up for you and give you a ride to the airport even if you're not confident. I wouldn't leave your kid with him. No. Right. He did use a child as a shield later during a shootout.

Not his child. That's true. Well, we have two awards going to our next guy. It's the Wingrow Memorial. He was making a move. I had to get it on award. With the Henry Rollins Tough Guy Award to the character you'd at least like to piss off at a bar.

Both of these go to Isaiah Stewart. Uncontested. We were waiting for the brawl that he was going to be prominently involved with. I think he was waiting for it too. Unfortunately, he wasn't on the court when it happened. And then he had to just take matters into his own hands to get out there anyway.

Even though we've had 30 plus years of rules of don't leave the bench during a fight. We have coaches jumping, holding the guys back, begging them not to go out, and he was like, fuck it. And he cost him $700,000 to go try to beat up Miles Bridges

in front of 15,000 people. Yeah. Seven games. What's the right number, Van? I don't think it was, you know, a lot of people thought that, obviously, his previous psychotic nature

would play into sort of, like how this, but when I look back at it, I think our threshold for the vicious NBA fight, we're a little bit more precious by it than we used to be. When I saw it, I didn't think it was as big a deal as everybody else did. Like when I was, when the mouse is. It just doesn't happen anymore. Yeah. You know what I think is the fool about it?

It was a bunch of guys who wanted to fight. You know what I mean? It wasn't anybody who was like, oh, shit, don't touch Luca. It was like, no, Duran, Diabate, and beef stew and bridges want to fuck each. other of the way. Duncan Robinson, get out of the way. Duncan, Duncan, nobody had to tell Duncan. Duncan was like,

I know, what they got over here on the sideline. Look, it might be somebody in the league office that saw him going at Bridges and went, eh. Yeah. Knock a couple games off. Yeah, a little justice there. Speaking of a...

Mention this quote before, but the Valken Comer, the bank is worth the risk. I need it, brother. Yeah. I had for this Will Hardy asking Danny Hange for the Jaron Jackson Jr. trade. I know we're tanking for the fifth straight year. Just Jared Jackson's worth the risk. I need it, brother.

A defensive player of the year or something. I need it. Just give me a taste. What'd you have, C.R. I had Chauncey Billups looking at an invitation to play cards at someone's house. Allegedly. allegedly. Do you have anything, Rob? James Harden. Cleveland trading for James Hardin.

Worth the squeeze. You've got a stretch for it. That's fair. The bank robbery, we're here for the bank's money, not yours. Don't try to be a hero award, which is always my favorite line in any movie that has a bank robbery. Before we get to the answer for this, so if we're all robbing a bank, what are our jobs? I think Chris has to be the mouthpiece. He's the guy in the lobby because,

we would hit uncharted levels of Stockholm syndrome if you were taking people hostage. My job is the motherfucker that's going to jail. If I'm robbing a bank with y'all three? No, no. We're not talking whether it's a success. Oh, that's like an episode of Star Trek. You know which one.

No, this is going to succeed in this scenario. Okay, so, like, what would I do if we robbing the bank? I think that I would be like... I'm vibes guy. You vibes. I would be polite crowd control because I'm not like aggressive like that. You're good cop.

People would be like trying to bug up against you. I'd be like, hey, chill. We're going to be gone in one minute. Your girl, fine and shit. I think Sierra hops up. Sierra hops up on the... I hop up. There for the bank's money.

Your money's insured. Rob goes and gets the money and I'm driving. You do... I'm in the car. I'm ready to get the fuck out of there. You're a good driver. You don't really rely on GPS. I mean, I don't know.

It's been a while since I've driven with you. You're driving. I'm fucking driving. Yeah. And we all get in and con canipples are... Khan and I are waiting.

You're like, hey, Khan, I'll take you to Sanamara. I just have to stop down on Wiltshire for a second. Do you think your seatbelt thing would be better or worse as a getaway driver

because Bill doesn't wear a seatbelt a lot? What? Fourth grown of the night. I've been wearing it more. That's great. When Kahn's in the car, you're like, buckle up. Actually, actually, he reached over and put Kahn seatbelt off for him.

Precious cargo. Maybe on board, yeah. Every time they got to a red light, somebody didn't stop, Bill's like, whoa. He's playing the next night. I had to be careful. I had the Pelicans for this. We're here for the bank's money, not yours. Yeah.

Because you're, you know, fans for. from Louisiana. They've hit the sweet spot that the old Clippers used to have of, yeah, we're just not going to pay the tax every year. We have a bunch of weird assets and we'll just collect luxury tax from everybody else. And we don't really care how many fans we have at the games. And you can do this in the NBA in a 30 team league. Why are you making a face, right?

I mean, it's a real cool sweet spot. It's what we love is the aspiration that we want of all of our sports teams. Yeah. They're just like, we're good. The lease is expiring in three years. We'll see what happens. They have good players. They have good assets.

But this is what the Clippers did in the 90s and the 2000s. Next award. The Neal's No Furniture Malibu House Award for cheapest decoration. I actually got something for this. Okay. It's coaches wearing track suits. And this is why I think coaches are getting younger. I think your Jim Boylan's of the world are getting phased out because they don't look good in track suits.

Because they would just look like they were in the deli and the Sopranos if they were wearing a track suit. Right. And so it's like only Will Hardy and JJ Reddick and Charles League can rock track suits. And I think it's, I think it's ageist. So the third phase of the interview process is just like quarter zips. Yes. So see what you look like? It's like what does it look like when you wear joggers?

If we see a little ankle, what happens, yeah. Well, how many are you watching the Winter Olympics right now? Ooh, tepid response. Well, they're here, so they're not watching it. Well, this is ice dancing crowd, though. Those luge suits, those luge tracks suits and the, bobsled track suits. You like that shit.

Not a lot of room left for the imagination, man. The Franks and beans are really crammed in there. But yeah, I was thinking that might be the next iteration. It would be good. Nick Nelson, like a skinned tag suit. Yeah. Like, and now that we're more focused, we're more ass focused than we've ever been before. People are starting to notice.

Was it always like this? Was it always like? I think the TVs are better. I'm just saying. The issue. That's what it is. The HD. Yeah.

You're really seeing shit now. You're watching the speed skating. It's like Magic City out there. Yeah. You mean to tell me it was, hey Kalika. Like, not to disrespect. But like it was like, it was like, I never noticed that before. That's what I'm saying.

TVs are better. Van, are you up on the penis inflation controversy and ski jump? Why would you ask me that? I feel like you would be. Oh, no. When they were, they're injecting their penises so they can fly further? Yeah, so they can have bigger suits for like better drag or something. Wait a minute.

Are they injecting... Wait, is this an actual scandal? It's an actual scandal. What the hell is going? I legitimately thought that they were injecting their penises so they looked better in the suit. No, it's for performance. It's for performance. So when they get measured for the suit, they have more junk.

And then for some reason, having more material is beneficial for the ski jump. That's what I fuck I'm talking about. That's science. That is. You guys are having a good time, I hope. Yeah, we have a high age. Two more awards for another special section. And this is the Hank Azaria who plays Alan Marciano in this movie.

Does he look like Alan Marciano to you? He definitely looks like a liquor wholesaler. So yes. The Hank Azaria is Alan Marciano word for worst idea to steadfastly believe in a former lottery pick. And in this case, that's Ashley Judd, who I think was a lottery pick. But now she has a kid. She's married to degenerate gambler. Is having kids bad?

No, he's, you have the kid, you have a criminal who's probably going to kill you if you find you're having an affair with the wife. And you're still talking yourself into the lottery pick. This is the John Morant trade decision for a month heading into the trade deadline of this guy was the number two pick of the draft. He was second team on NBA. Face of the league for a lot of a sudden. You're in a hotel room with them at two in the morning. Neil's busting in, yelling at people.

That's who I have. Do you have one for this year? I misinterpreted this. So I just had Benedict Mathurin, but I don't think that's what you meant. Just a guy I still believe in. Here's a positive one. The final airport chase scene for most underrated moment of the movie year's season. And I mentioned the final airport thing because I think people focus on the shootout

and the diner scene. And I think the ending in this movie is fucking awesome. I think it's like a big three for me, the way they shoot it with the lights and the planes and it's dark and then the lights come again. Watching Pacino who's had fucking 28 cigarettes probably that night chugging through the gun. He's running the 800. I think that's like an awesome scene and never gets mentioned.

Oh, it's a banger. Yeah, I think the two scenes are actually dancing with each other. The brutality of the bank robbery scene is kind of indicative of like Neal's character is so regimented. He has such morals.

He has such a point of view that it's difficult to look at him as a villain, like as a bad guy. But when they get to the bank, like you start to, there's a couple things that happen in the movie. You start to see him like the minute Shiharlas sees the cops, he opens up. He's smiling. And then the minute he sees it, he just starts to kill.

And all of the mayhem that they have throughout that scene, like this breathtaking violence kind of dances a little bit with that. At the end of the film, it's actually kind of intimate. It's like, it's really the same as the coffee scene at the same time. and it's these two guys almost having a conversation with you. Yeah, they find each other at the end. We're both here to do one job. I won, but we both won.

Now die. But it only works because Vincent Hanna shoots before he sees him. Like he shoots before he looks, he's leaning into that. And by the way, when you're watching that, you're not quite sure who you want to get. This is Bill's thing. You don't know who you want to die in that scene. And I still watch it and I'm like, you know, actually,

I wish Vincent would have some nitpicks after seeing this movie 130 times. I feel like Neil could have made some better decisions on the sprint. Yeah, obviously. He had a big 50-yard lead. He's got a wide airport. There's all these places to hide. I don't know how he gets caught. No, no, no, no.

It makes absolutely zero sense. Zero since. He should have gotten away. That Vincent could have found Neil with, he doesn't know where he went. They just cut two when he's on his tail. They don't only explain it. I think in real life, Vincent's chasing him for, I don't know, two minutes and then has to stop. And it's a massive heart attack.

And it does. So anyway, for this award, most underrated moment in movie or season, I think it's that we have San Antonio in Oklahoma City and Denver, Minnesota looming as this awesome final four in the West. Like, I consider San Antonio a legitimate threat. They're great. Thank you, you too. I'm still in on Minnesota, even though it's always hard to trust them. But I think with Edwards and the team they have, and then the other two. And I don't know how it's going to be one through four.

two through three in the playoffs. But it's going to be awesome, like really, really high end. So, all right, special section. This is the Edy the Librarian Award for most red flags you've ever ignored when you're falling in love. She worked at a bookstore. What was she? She worked at a bookstore lady, whatever she was.

For most red flags. Side hobby of graphic design, but that's not the deal. Went to Parsons. Yeah. Most red flags you've ever ignored when you're falling in love. her first exchange with him starts like this what are you reading a book about metals

what kind of work do you do lady why are you so interested in what I read or what I do that's her introduction to this man he tells her he's in sales as he's reading a book about stress fractures in titanium yep

then he asked about his family and he tells her the following three things. My father died a long time ago. I don't know where my mother is. I got a brother somewhere. She asks if he has anyone if he's dating and he says, I am alone, I'm not lonely. To have sex, she falls asleep, he leaves,

but not before he gives her a glass of water bedside that has a paper towel wrapped around it so there won't be fingerprints. And he has a place with no furniture. And she's like, I'm hooked. This is my guy. There's only one thing you're leaving out.

What is it? This is in Los Angeles. This is the first non-actor bullshit halfway eligible guy that she's met in a long time. She's just so happy that he didn't say, fuck it, man. I got this fucking pilot for this medical show coming up and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. So she saw him like cowboy, salt of America. a guy. She's like, I'm in. So who's your MBA person for this?

James Hardin. Yeah. Yeah. The Cavaliers are, they look at it, they look at it, they look at it. At some point, the person who's in charge of convincing somebody else to make the trade is like, don't look at his basketball reference in the playoffs part. They keep pushing. They're like, he's got more size, more size than Garland. We'll be able to have more flexibility.

He'll be able to get some more assist. And all of a sudden, you have James Harden on your team in round two in a game six. where he shoots three for 21. Are we getting to the point... Are we getting to the point where James Harden is an underrated asset on the... Like there's a redemption coming from James Hardin's career. So, like, obviously, the narrative about James Hardin's career,

it's well documented and you can... It's not like it's not true. But at this point, that motherfucker's a badass basketball player. The problem is we did this last year, and then in game seven, he did not look at the rim for the first hour of the game. But we don't do this about Deere and Fox or like the guys who have never really been in those games. Like James Hardin gets scrutiny because he goes deep in the playoffs. Every time he's not a clipper, basically.

C. Are you rooted for James Hardin? The honeymoon's amazing. I think he should only sign nine-month deals. And every year he's on another cool team random like Cleveland. And it's just like Hardin's on the Pacers. Let's fucking go. And it's just like, if that would be an exciting subplied to any NBA season, is that James Harden only has three more weeks in his contract sweepstakes?

What's going to happen? Like, where's he going? Is he going to Rail Madrid? Like, who knows? Yeah, you could see with the Cavs Denver game the other day, like, they beat Denver and they're all celebrating and congratulating each other. And it's like, oh, we're in the real honeymoon face right now. This is...

Daryl Morey's like, first time. Speaking of people you were before, the Wingrow escaping a padded trunk award for... for most improbable escape from certain death. I think we got to do Embed here. Yeah, man. Do you believe? On his name.

Yeah, I believe. Look at those numbers. He's incredible. He's playing on one leg. We don't know what's wrong with the other leg, but still, like, I think that the thing I've kind of come to with Embed is that because of the next generation of Sixers looking pretty good, that he's like an incredible added bonus. So I hope he's happy.

I don't really understand what's happened over the last three years. but he had any given night and go for 40, so. I'm going to skip through the you don't live with me, you live with the Remains of Dead People Award and the Dominic Shurhaerless Award for the young kid who has no chance whatsoever.

That award as well, sorry, I'm running out of breath there. Let's go to the Chris Scherliss Award for single worst gambler of the 2025, 26 season. There's some candidates. Do we know if Rozier, but like, Oh, we're actually literally talking about gamblers. The worst gambler.

I think it's Billups, though, right? I mean, those games were rigged, so he was winning. Yeah, but he ended up losing his job. He's never going to cook again. Look how uncomfortable everybody is. You don't like the gambling thing. I want to talk about Chris as a gambor, though. So there were two Super Bowls in the last 50 years where Vegas lost and got killed.

One of them was Chargers, Niners. The 94 Super Bowl. Niners were favored by 18 and a half. half. Everybody bet the Niners, and then they won, and every bet with them won. This is the Super Bowl that Chris got cleaned out on when he has to. So he's obviously the worst. Chris is a fucking moron.

Chris Zagg. Very dumb. Humphreys. I'm in. Like Humphreys and Natron means and everybody knew. My grandmama was like, oh, Steve Young about to bust them boys' ass. Like, Chris is stupid. I never thought about that.

This is why I fuck with the pot. Because, like, I never thought about how dumb Chris is. whole time I feel bad for him. Now he's the easiest Super Bowl we've had in the last 30 years. Chris got smoked. He's like selling everything. Speaking of Chris, the cop who let Chris go outside the park, even though he looked exactly like Chris award, even though Chris had just been in a high profile bank shootout 36 hours

earlier, this is for the worst job by anybody this season award, or we could go most incompetent character. So two people from the movie, you can go, this guy or the OAPD. guy guarding Wayne Groes's hotel room. That was just a hotel security guy, I think. Who did a worst job out of those two? Clearly the hotel security guy, because he had one job. What about the cop who set, like, alerts them to the bus by sitting down too hard?

I feel like that guy really hard. Oh, yeah, he hit his rifle. Oh, yeah, he sucks. You know what? I'm going to go with the cop that lets Chris go. First of all, they are in an active. It's an active stakeout. It's an active stakeout.

They're looking for Chris. Chris cuts his hair He stops the cop goes That can't be him let him go And Bubba from Forrest Gump He didn't do anything better He just let the fuck That would never fucking happen

I think he was starting to feel for Charlene though I think he was just like I want to give her a break You know? Yeah I think he knew that she kind of gave him The no go sign Oh shit I feel like it

I think he has Oh I don't think that at all I think this was abject incompetence They're like his ID says He's from New Mexico And meanwhile he's got the same hair All of his stuff, man, take him in and fingerprint. I'm not rooting for the police.

But yeah, anyway. I think the winner for this award for most incompetent character, basically, Joe Dumar is not putting the top three protection on the pick, which we've talked about forever. Is there another one of the worst records in the league? And there's a real chance that might be a top three pick. Is there another room in America right now where Joe Dumar's not protecting the pick enough would get applause.

Get applause for multiple people. Yeah. All right, a couple more here. the let's have a big family and friends dinner right after we just committed a huge heist that led to three dead bodies award for single worst idea they just committed this they're on the news all over the place they're like you guys like italian open table there's a reservation for eight uh this was chris paul's retirement tour yeah oh shit is homecoming yeah just say it's your last year like maybe don't say this is going to be a tour when you don't know it's going to work what'd you have c r uh i think that the Brooklyn Nets drafting like five international point cards was kind of weird. Well, it seems like that was a tanking strategy. Yeah, I guess so, but it's

tough for those guys' career. Do you have one, Rob? The Magic doing nothing at the deadline, just sitting on their hands. I guess that's good enough that they're going to be a middling to bad team, and they're just going to hang with that. Lost at Camp Thomas tonight. Oh, this is a good one.

The Al Pacino's Asian stunt double award for funniest in-season Glitch. So when they go to get Henry Rollins, and you can see it now that the TVs are clearer, a stuntman plays Pacino jumping on Henry Rollins. And it's, I can't believe

they didn't do another take of it. Honestly, Michael Man was just like, TVs will never get better. It's the funniest it's the funniest freeze frame of the movie. So funniest season glitch. Should we do the white guy revolution here? Sure, man. Why not?

Nick Red on my podcast yesterday Was calling for it, Van. Yeah. The White Guy versus Black Guy All-Star Game? I've never heard an idea that I like more. Nick is out of this world right now. I love it. Nick's going to his fucking back.

Let's do it. Let's do three different levels of it. Let's do it with the All-Stars. Then let's do it with the rookies. Oh, that's a good idea. Let's do it. And let's just make it about this. Because it is about that anyway.

It should be an entire team of dudes named Luke. Yeah. Like, that's it. Yeah. I'm fucking with it. What guy in the black team tries the hardest? Probably like a Russell Westbrook. Russell out there going.

He demands to be in the game. Yeah, Russell's like, and here's the thing about this. Because I know that Bill, you guys are feeling now that, you know, things have changed and you're going to have your shot at it and all of that stuff like that. I'm telling you, if you, it depends on how you look at this, right? Because if you do all the black guys against the white guys, all stars, and you let the black players have their international players, the white players are getting ran.

But if that's another team. If you take the international brothers out, which sometimes we do. Is that kind of Canada? Canada out. Okay. I don't know if you know, but there was a whole rap situation

that's been happening over the last couple of years. But we've even relitigated that. We're not sure anymore. Okay. then the game gets kind of interesting but I'm telling you right now if you put Russell Westbrook in full up in front of

a just got to Santa Monica after a 30 minute drive Concanemper Nice and relaxed Yeah Westbrook is going fucking ape shit After everything I've been through I'm not about to let you bust my ass

with that police ass haircut You know what I'm saying? So that game would be, Nick is right, that game would fix it. I don't know who would win the game. It would honestly, it would do better ratings than the Super Bowl. It would just be like 100%.

Even people who never watch basketball, would be like, what? I got to see this. But see, here's the deal, though. What you want to do around the game is you want to put in a bunch of different cultural fail safes to make sure this doesn't go too far, right?

Because like, So like Isaiah Stewart plays for the white guys? At the beginning of the... Well, I mean, it's like at the beginning of the game, you know, you got the players on one side,

you got the players on the other side. You got to have, like, I don't know, Obama and Ryan Gosling meet at center court. So, like... Why is Ryan Gosling a representative?

That's the coolest white boy y'all got. I don't think we can do any better than that. Right? Everybody else's number one? Everybody else got some shit with them. Who would you have to be the celebrity coaches? I'm saying it would be

have to be like Obama for the black Because all the black Oh I thought they were just representing A coin toss No man all the black guys Are they gonna play hard for Obama? Oh like they're gonna play hard for Obama And then the white guys

You have Gosling Who would y'all want? Who would y'all want? Y'all gonna put just gotta say somebody vaguely problematic Who are the white guys by the hardest for? No who would who would be the white guys coach? Who? Timothy Shalbay

Timothy Shalemate. Timothy Shalemate. Timothy Shalemate. Yeah he doesn't have a lot of our team. bro, y'all going to get Timothy Shalamey out there, y'all going to pass on the ball, he'd be going to be missing shots.

Then looking back at the black people like, I gotcha. It would be Sean Penn, but as lockjaw. Hey, that would be the name of the white guys team, the Christmas adventure. Yeah. That would be their team.

One more of the, I'm talking to an empty telephone because there's a dead man on this fucking line of word for single best threat. I have the speed. Spurs. Because we know OKC and Denver, those are two best teams.

And the spurs are just kind of lingering. Yeah. They're smoldering in the background. And I don't know what they are. They're this good. And I don't think it's near as good as they could be. Yeah. We don't know what this is, but we've seen it with the 86 rockets.

They came out of nowhere, the 95 magic. Like, we've seen these young teams that are just like, we're here. The Thunder do not want to see the spurs come in. They just, the spurs have figured out a way to jail and really, present real problems. So, okay, see, man. But it's good for them. Like, the Spurs existing is good.

In the same way we're talking about, they don't have that internal drama. They don't have a lot of, like, storytelling. But if the Spurs are this amazing, it's, I think we're going to like the Thundermore even if they win. I have good news for you guys. It's time for the next Vince and Hannah

section part two. Oh, yeah. CR is back. He's taking a big swing of water. You thought you were done hearing him do Pacino? You're not. Okay, so this is a two-parter, or is this? No, you're doing the second part of?

part. Okay. The By the time I get to Phoenix he'll be rising. He'll probably leave a note right on the door. Give me a Lille again. Award goes to Oh, that's got to go to Matt Ishmael.

Anyone else on the Suns? Would you do Devin Brooker? Yeah. We could do Devin Booker. A quick question. What is this award? Oh, we don't know. It was an excuse for... He just wanted him to do it. Do the Phoenix thing. Let go to the next one. don't waste my motherfucking time award. This goes to having our time wasted. This goes to the Yannis story.

Ultimately, we got a lot of content out of it. I certainly led my podcast a few times with Janus Trades. You guys did as well. Every pod. And ultimately, it was just completely meaningless and nothing happened. And then he signed up with Kalshi the next day. Yeah.

And that's how it played out. Cool, cool, cool. The, my life's a disaster zone. I got a stepdaughter so fucked up because a real father's this large type asshole. I got a wife, we're passing each other on the downslope of a marriage. My third, because I spend all my time chasing guys like you around the block. That's my life award. And this is a really good one.

This is Pat. This is Pat Riley. I was thinking somebody heat related. Pat Riley doomed to chase unicorns in a league he actually hates. Where he's just, every quote is just like, they don't fucking do it the way we used to do it in the 80s. And then he's just like,

but I guess I have to pretend like Damien Lillard might come here, you know? Yeah, you get the feeling when you have dinner with Pat Riley, he has like one drink. We're in the entrees. And he just starts talking about when LeBron left in 2014 at the first sign of adversity. He left and I hate this league and I don't know why we're like this anymore.

And then the waiter comes over and he's like, Pat another glass? He's like, yes. I would love another glass. Yeah, I think that's the answer. Next one. The, you know what they're looking at? Us.

The LAPD police department. Ha! Okay, motherfucker, award. I got one for this. This is the Thunder

finding out that they are slowly becoming villains with all this lewd dort shit and shame flopping and now thunder fans are litigating calls. I mean like well if you go back to this you can see jakelorevia bumps him and it's like that's just

not going to earn you casual fans or neutral fans and I think we're about to see a little bit of a turn in the narrative I think they're going to become annoying yeah people are tired of the of everybody doing the post game interview together it's like fuck just do pick one guy stop it.

The entire league is tired of Presti, hearing how great Presti is compared to everybody else. What else, Rob? Plus, they have all these picks, including the clippers. I still kind of like them. I got to be honest with you guys.

Rob's just their basketball, appreciate it. All right, two more. What do you got? The, you know, you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here

on her sofa in her ex-husband's dead tech, post-modernistic bullshit house if you want to but you do not get to watch my fucking television set!

Give it up, y'all. Come on. Award. I have Raptors fans for this because we haven't mentioned them the entire podcast and I think they got pissed 20 minutes ago. It's the most sensitive fan base we have. All right, one more. The

Bon Voyage, motherfucker, you were good. Award. this has to be the Pacers, right? We had them in the finals. They bond by odds. They're executing a flawless tanking season. They traded for Zubots. Hal Burton's coming back.

And they're probably one of the lead contenders of 27. They'll be right back. They're going to be awesome. Even though they suck, they still own the Knicks. They still own them. They had nobody in the game the other night. I had a Durant's failing body language. Yeah.

Oh. And just, and him sadly standing in the corner. One of like the all-time crashouts was when we got to see Sun Spurs in Texas. I believe that was last season. It was. And just watching him motherfucker buttonholzer for an entire game. And I don't think he's going to do that with EMA, but I am clocking his body language. It doesn't seem great.

Well, speaking of people, motherfucking other people, what about Draymond Green's last ride as a warrior? Like could this be a... Bonvoy, yeah, being in trade rumors for the first time. Got to be. And then Mike Dunliff, he's like, the Warriors' Jam. He wasn't in trade rumors. And they were like, well, who was in the trade rumors? Well, I can't talk about it.

And it was an unbelievable non-denial. All right, we have two more awards. These are the big ones. The Roger Van Zahn Award, Van Santor Van Zant. I believe the S is pronounced like a Z. Yeah. The Roger Van Zant Award for most comically bad performance from a management figure. Thank God the Kings are back in our life, Rob.

Scott Perry. Yeah. I missed it. I was happy for their fans during the two late, the beam seasons when we had some competent Kings basketball and a playoff series. But honestly, it's kind of fun to have them back, Rob. When is the next time the Kings will be good? A long time.

Because they didn't hinge on this lottery. Will we get the big one before the Kings win a playoff series again? I would be worried legitimately, like, if they had the number one pick that Darren Peterson be like, cramps. I'm not doing this. He does that every other game now. Eternal cramps. It's brutal. I think even if they got a lottery pick,

it would still be a couple years from them. What's crazy is they have a team that's so bad. The tanking is just play the guys you have on the team. It's like, who are like legitimately good NBA players. It's like guys, we're tanking. Just go out and do your thing and we'll probably lose.

Is this not our guy Adam Silver? Is he not the comically bad managerial figure of the season. Wow. I mean... Bill might have some dinners this week, you know, you gotta watch out. A third of the teams are tanking.

Yeah. Everybody's hurt. Multiple huge controversies that he has not really spoken to. Off the court issues, like that strike directly at the heart of the competition of the game. Yep. Huge.

Like, no one can watch their local broadcasts in a lot of markets. No one wants to watch the regular season. Yeah. Like, the league is in a really off. awful place and no one seems to want to do anything about it. How quickly did this change? The first month, month and a half,

two months, maybe even three months of the season, everyone was talking about how awesome things were. How many awesome players we had? How many awesome players we were. The coverage was being lauded everywhere, the studio teams and new places that were covering it and stuff. Now, I'm just,

it just kind of wears on me. I got to go five different places to watch the games, all of this stuff. It seems like it's coming apart. But then the cycle comes back to the playoffs when we're like, basketball, this is fucking awesome. Yeah, for sure. You know, we've talked a lot about tanking, but let me throw an idea at you. You tell me, it would be bad for our company, but it would be interesting to see the effect of the league if we got rid of the midseason trade deadline.

I know it would be very hard for teams to improve or to replace guys that got hurt, but I felt like the trade deadline talk started earlier than ever this year. Yeah. Yonis dominated it. It was all bullshit. it. What if you just removed the transactional part from the middle of the season? It was like, your team is your team. You can sign guys off the street. You can have

guys in the G League, but you cannot trade for Janus or harden in the middle of the season because you didn't like what you did in the summer. I thought you liked content, C.R. I do, but to the point of Vans making, pretty much when we started talking about trades is when everybody was like, yeah, we better just sell the farm

on this team. Yeah. The season's too long. We've been saying it every year. This is a real crisis. I did a podcast part of it about it yesterday. And I was texting with a couple of people about it today. And one of the best arguments I've heard. So in the NFL, they might add an extra game, right? None of us think it's a good idea.

We're going to an 18 game season, 19 weeks. It feels inevitable. It's not great. I don't think it's like, it's not an idea. I'd be like, this is the dumbest thing ever. I'm never watching football anymore. Can you imagine at the NBA? We're like, we're actually, we're going to go to 88 games.

We're adding six. Who would think this was a good idea? Everybody would be like, this is the dumbest thing. You're adding games, you dumb motherfuckers? They should be taking games away and going to 66 to 70s

should be the length. And it's just clear as day. And they're not doing it because of money. And that's it. And they've made so much money from the media deals and all this other stuff. There are certain in-game things like with the replays

and the way the end of games generally play out. If they fix that, I wouldn't be so mad about the 82 games. If the ends of games just felt like they had more flow. It feels like they're getting worse. Yeah. Yeah.

Last award. This is it. Don't let yourself get attached to anything. You're not willing to walk out in 30 seconds flat. If you feel the heat around the corner award. I mean, we got to do the Lakers and LeBron here, right? You have to do it for Lakers and LeBron. Why is it just me?

But this is, this is LeBron's last Lakers season. so first of all he's been here longer than he's been here twice as long as I think he was with Miami he won a title so how do we feel about LeBron and the Lakers

eight years in it's like it's a little bit do you guys Lakers fans in the crowd LeBron statue but everyone has a statue Taylor and Horton Tucker has a statue out there

might be yeah I mean would you put it him in the Kareem Magic, Kobe. It's a weird one, but it's been an amazing thing to have them on the team, but it's in this weird spot now. I think after

Kareem, Magic, and Kobe Jerry West, Eljabiller. Okay. You keep going and going. Shack. Yeah. Yeah, we're going and going. James Worthy. Nick Young. Yeah. I think I think that's a thing that when I think about the Laker Run he had,

the weirdest part was that they won the title in that crazy COVID year, And I think they probably would have won the title anyway. Like if you remember what was happening right before COVID, it was them and the quippers and the bucks who hadn't really done anything. But we were really like, holy shit, this is finally going to happen. We're going to get L.A. versus L.A. for real. And then COVID happened, the bubble.

He wins with no fans. There's no parade after. And it was just a weird one. And, like, Rich thinks it's the best title anyone ever won because of mental warfare. No. I don't think you can compare it to any other title that's ever happened because nobody's ever been in that situation before. You know, it's interesting about LeBron. I was talking to my grandma one time and, well, I was like, okay, I'm sorry, guys, I tell stories, I'm sorry.

I'm talking to my grandmother one time and my grandmother was really involved in civil rights throughout, you know, her entire life. And when I was a kid, I was talking to her about Martin Luther King Jr., I'm not comparing the two guys. but she said that it's different when you were living. When you were living through it, like y'all look at it now and their statues and their birthdays and their days like that and history looks at the guy in a certain way. She's like when you were living through it, people had opinions. People had opinions about whether or not he should be doing this and this way. People had opinions about whether or not they liked them.

There was all kinds of ways. People wanted to go do it this way. People want to do it that way. But you don't have to go through any of that. You just look at what actually happened in the history of it. I think as people get further away from LeBron James's career, the only thing that they're going to remember is most points ever for championships. They're going to see all of that stuff.

But when you live through it, it was a little staccata. It never really felt like this unbridled, unassailable dominance, or it always felt like there was some other bullshit that got in the way. It was just, it was never quite what you thought it was going to be. And that's not saying that he hasn't been. consistently great because he has. But when you're going through it, the championship is there. The championship is in the bubble.

That's NBA players playing against NBA players. You still got to respect it. But then there's all other stuff. There's the drafting of Bronny. There's all kinds of stuff that's in the middle of it. There's the decision. There's just stuff that just stopped him from being the unassailable, like completely dominant figure that you felt like he should have been.

I don't know how to explain any better than that. But he is kind of unassailable. You know, I think your point about how it feels different in the moment is totally true. And LeBron has dealt with more opinion in the moment than any superstar ever. Just like the pure volume of shit that is talked about with him all the time, I think is completely unparalleled. And for him to do that and still be this successful. Like, he did win a title here. Like, you can call it whatever it is.

You can throw an asterisk. You can think it's impressive or not. He did what he set out to do as a Laker, but it is complicated. I think the stuff he's doing now, I'm the most amazed at with that. how many years he's been in the league, and you just seem to take over game stuff. It's like, how is this still happening? It's like, it just breaks your brain.

I'm just, I'm not in any way trying to head. I'm just saying, but think about this. Think about the cultural capture that Kobe Bryant, with all the problems that Kobe Bryant had off, off the court. Yeah. With, and I'm not just talking about any of the stuff. I'm talking about like, just conversations about Kobe's personality. Like Phil Jackson talking about Kobe's.

Phil Jackson writing books about how often. And you think about like when I first got here, there was a real black versus Mexican thing that was going on. It happened. It was a thing. People was like, yo, if you see somebody with tattoos on their neck, get on the ground, they're going to kill you. And so, but you would see the Lakers where this like bonding kind of thing between black and brown people. If you saw somebody with a Kobe jersey on, you knew they was kind of cool. There was this thing in the city.

There was this kind of like, I can't even explain it. And Kobe Bryant was able to do that and able to be this guy that inspired a generation of basketball players despite everything that went on off the court. LeBron James, perfect off the court, but there's something missing. And I'm not trying to be a hater at all. I'm just saying there always kind of has been. Well, do you think in 2018, if he had to do it over again, CR, would he stay in Cleveland or would you come here? I think that his career has just been defined by the movement so much that it seems like... Made sense for him to come here.

He would be like... And I also just think his relationship with Gilbert seems so... Dan Gilbert seems so contentious that it was going to be an exit. I wish, just for the sake of the theater, that it had been the Knicks, like, just to watch him at the Garden. And I say that as a Sixers fan. We might get that next year, by the way. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. You think...

That's what I was going to ask you is, like, what's... What's the last chapter? If this is the end of the... There's no way he's quitting yet because we just lived through this with Tom Brady. He's too good. And as long as you're good enough

to keep doing this, you're going to keep doing it. You're not going to be like, yeah, I could do this first. But how creative could he get? Would he, could he go to the thunder? I think he goes back to Cleveland.

I think how that... It makes the most sense. Yeah. And they are a good team. He'd have a chance to win the title there. Yeah, Vegas won't be probably... Operational. Yeah.

All right, before we go, do you want CR to redo one quote? One Pacino quote Just redo one and then we're out Which one do you want, Van? Are you want to do... I'm not doing Wayne Jenkins. Oh, you want to do Wayne?

No, I don't. Is there a quote from Heat that you want me to do? Great ass. Oh, yeah. She's got a great ass! And you got your head all the way up it. Thanks. That was for Mickelope Ultra.

Thanks for helping us out. Mickelow Ultra, you got a great ass. Thanks to Chris Ryan, Van Laith, Rob Moni. Thanks to everybody for sticking with us. We had a great time. Appreciate it. Must be 21 plus in President Select States for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino

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