The Bill Simmons Podcast - Jason Segel and Adam Carolla | The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode Date: February 26, 2020

HBO and The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by actor Jason Segel to discuss California prep school basketball, starting out in acting, ‘Freaks and Geeks,’ ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall,’ I Love... You, Man,’ ‘How I Met Your Mother,’ learning from Judd Apatow, early-2000s comedies, movie set stories, and more (3:24). Then Bill sits down with his old friend Adam Carolla to talk about the early days of podcasting, the Deontay Wilder–Tyson Fury boxing match, fatherhood, cars, fake movies, and much more (55:16). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Today's episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network brought to you by ZipRecruiter. They have the tools to make hiring more efficient and effective. The smartest way to hire. We like to work hard and smart here at the Ringer. You know, we have something in common with ZipRecruiter. Yeah, they do that too. Four to five employees who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within
Starting point is 00:00:24 the first day. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com slash BS. Meanwhile, Tecovus believes that Western goods could be accessible to anyone and everyone. Their cowboy boots are handmade with high quality, full grain leathers by world-class bootmakers. Tons of time with styles designed to stay fashionable forever. Shipping returns, exchanges free and easy.
Starting point is 00:00:48 They sent some to me and Kyle. Man. I'm so excited. Yeah. Wear that out on a Saturday night. You got to feel taller. I like the brown ones. Yeah, I like the brown ones.
Starting point is 00:00:57 You though, I liked your black ones. I wish we could trade. Get yourself a pair of Toccova's cowboy boots today at toccovas.com slash B-S-T-E-C-O-V-A-S.com slash B-S. Also brought to you by TheRinger.com, one of the world's great websites, The Ringer Podcast Network, where if you like this podcast, go check out the book of basketball. We did the second to last one this week, Tim Duncan versus Shaq and Kobe, game five, 2003. The great underrated game of the 2000s that includes a shocking ending. You can check that one out.
Starting point is 00:01:31 People forget how close the Lakers came to a four-peat, not a three-peat. People also forget that the Duncan Spurs, those were some great teams. We also have the rewatchables coming Wednesday night. We did Vision Quest, the greatest wrestling movie of all time. One of the only wrestling movies of all time, but part of our flawed rewatchable series, Ryan Rosillo and Chris Ryan on that one. Oh, and if I wasn't on enough podcasts this week, you can also catch me on Bachelor Party, the smash hit bachelor podcast hosted by Juliet Lipman. Me, Juliet, Mally, Rubenen we did a fantasy draft of all the contestants
Starting point is 00:02:05 of this season of The Bachelor heading into Bachelor in Paradise it's a loaded draft class I'll just put it that way there's a couple of Zions in there and we broke all of it down it is a bonkers podcast and I think we're all going to have to fire ourselves afterwards
Starting point is 00:02:21 so check that out as well coming up Jason Segel, first time ever. We had a really fun podcast talking about the last 20 years of comedy. And then speaking of comedy, the second guest I ever had, Adam Carolla. He's back. I don't know where he's been, but he's back. We talked boxing.
Starting point is 00:02:39 We talked fake movies that we made up. We probably had to edit some stuff out because he's always working hot. We made fun of Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, actually we didn't. He was afraid to. That's right. I wanted to make fun of it. He's just, everyone's,
Starting point is 00:02:53 Jimmy's just, he's untouchable now. He's like Vito Corleone. What a guy. Shout out to Jimmy. You're a great guy. Don't hurt me. All right.
Starting point is 00:03:03 That's all coming up first. Our friends from Pearl Jam. This is great. Jason Siegel is finally here. We get to talk LA high school basketball for a solid three straight hours. I'm so ready. Yeah, good. You backed up one of the Collins brothers.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Yes, Jason. In the mid-90s. Yeah. But what people don't realize in the outside world is this LA kind of prep school basketball scene is really good. I was telling my daughter's school has a seven-foot center, and they're not even one of the best teams. This guy's athletic. Yeah, I had no context. I mean, I was basically just trying to emulate my brother. My brother was my idol, still is growing up. And he played at public school. He played at Palisades High. And he was
Starting point is 00:04:05 just really good. And he ran pickup games every weekend and all that. And I just, I wanted my brother's approval so bad. But I went to Harvard Westlake, which is sort of a fancy prep school in the Valley. But yeah, we had these identical twins, Jason and Jaron Collins. Were they both there or was there just one of them? No, they were both there. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, yeah. They were both there. And we were ranked like 20th in the nation or something like that, you know, all on their backs. But it was fun and crazy.
Starting point is 00:04:32 I mean, it was special. So you were just the white guy who came in when one of them was in foul trouble? Yeah. Or did you play more than that? I played a little bit. I wasn't that good at the actual game, but I was good at the performative aspects.
Starting point is 00:04:42 Like I could jump really high. So I used to win dunk contests. Oh. Yeah oh yeah yeah they called me Dr. Dunk in high school that was the the newspaper called me that and then it stuck really yeah I couldn't do much else like I wasn't a good shooter or anything but I could just I could jump pretty high uh were you into the whole like acting thing at that point too and doing both paths or you didn't know yet? So I was like kind of a secret actor. Yeah. I was a shy kid and I was also kind of a weird kid to be just straightforward about it. And you were probably like 6'5 in the ninth grade, one of those kids?
Starting point is 00:05:17 I was 6'4 since I was 12. Yeah. And so I always felt a little bit like I had been invited by mistake kind of feeling. Pretty typical. Yeah. Probably at that age. But my parents enrolled me in an acting class when I was really young, Santa Monica Playhouse. And it was this after-school program that was not for kids who wanted to be actors.
Starting point is 00:05:36 It was for, like, kids who needed friends. Yeah. You know, like the smelly kid and the tall kid and the awkward kid. Right. We were all in this room together. But I really liked it But I really liked it. I really liked it. And I had a sense that I was good at it too.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Yeah. But then I think in high school, two movies came out. What's Eating Gilbert Grape? Yeah. With that crazy DiCaprio performance. Oh, yeah. And Primal Fear with that crazy DiCaprio performance. Oh, yeah. And Primal Fear with that crazy Edward Norton performance.
Starting point is 00:06:08 I just remember feeling really inspired, super, super inspired, thinking I really want to do that. We had a fancy school, like I said, and we had this theater coach called Ted Walsh who's still there. Theater coach? Yeah, like theater director. We had a theater department and we would put on these, they would put on these shows that were really, really high class.
Starting point is 00:06:28 Like he used to be Paul Newman's theater director back in the day. He was really good. This school like has the best of everything. There's an electron microscope
Starting point is 00:06:37 in the science department. Like whatever you want to do, they have the resources for you. But I was like a, you know, I was a basketball guy. So I'd sneak in there and I would take plays off of the bookshelf and I would read them and practice them alone in my house, like shame acting in front of the mirror. And then one day
Starting point is 00:06:58 I took this play off the shelf by Edward Albee called The Zoo Story. And it's a short play, but at one point, there's like a 25-minute monologue from this one guy uninterrupted. And I really thought, okay, it would be really cool to see if I can even memorize this. It started with just, could I memorize it? And I went and talked to Ted and he said, yeah, if you want to put this on, we can put it on in the small theater for just a little group. I'll direct it. So we rehearsed, I rehearsed sort of in secret from the basketball team because I was shy for a few months and we did this performance. And without telling me, he invited the head of casting at Paramount Pictures to come watch the show. Really? Yeah. I mean, this is real. So you got freaked out if you knew.
Starting point is 00:07:47 Yeah. Yeah. And also sometimes, you know, I like talk to kids and stuff because I write these kids books and they say, how do you get started as an actor? And I don't have a good answer because I got like blessed, you know? Yeah. And being out here probably helped too. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:02 I mean, it's just, I had everything on helped too. Yeah. I mean, it's just I had everything on my side. Yeah. But about like a week later, my parents sat me down and said, we've been talking to Paramount Pictures. And if you want to be an actor, they're ready to help you out. And so that was my junior year and senior year I started. And Harvard-Westlake is a really hard school. Yeah. I mean, it's academically intense.
Starting point is 00:08:26 So it's funny that you just went from there right into acting. Yeah. You could have the high school experience. Could have been easier. Yeah. They post the matriculation for everyone to see, like with names. Yeah. This person's going to this school.
Starting point is 00:08:38 This person's going to this school. And I remember I had decided what I thought was like pretty cool. I'm going to go do movies. Not even try to be an actor. I was going to do an actual movie. And on the matriculation, the head of the newspaper put Jason Segel, school of hard knocks. Like there's just like no respect for anything but academic rigor. That's hilarious. I went to a prep school that did the exact same thing.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Oh, you did? Where it's like when they trot out the colleges. It's like a big thing. And then they put it in the magazine for the school and it's on the last page, all that stuff. And God bless them. Like the kids turn out amazing and go really far in life. I always felt a little, again, this theme of feeling like invited by mistake has sort of run through my whole life and been very useful to me. Yeah. Honestly, you know, like that's the, that's the tone of freaks and geeks. And that's
Starting point is 00:09:29 the tone of all the comedy I've written is a little like, I don't, I don't think I'm quite supposed to be here. Yeah. Yeah. What was the movie you got that you ended up not going to college for? Do you even remember? Yeah. Well, uh, or did it get made? Yeah. There are three before I got freaks and geeks. One was called dead man on campus. I was still a junior. It was about, uh, people's first year in a college freshman dorm. I'm positive.
Starting point is 00:09:53 I saw that, but I can't remember one thing from it. That sounds about right. It was a lot of movies in the late nineties. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I remember my, my character's big trait was that he masturbated a lot. Oh, there you go. Yeah, it was a lot of prep.
Starting point is 00:10:12 And then the next one was called Can't Hardly Wait. Yeah. Yeah, which was a lot of people. So that one's endured. A little bit, I guess so, yeah. We do this podcast called The Rewatchables, and that's been on the list for a while. Yeah. And that one I'm watermelon guy. Yeah. That, that one, you know, there was this whole high school movie boom basically from 97 to 03. And that was one of the OG high school movies. It's got a lot of people in it. A lot of the people went on to be,
Starting point is 00:10:38 yeah. You know, whoever. Yeah. It was a cool time. It was that period in movies too. I mean, movies have really changed what you can get made. But, you know, you could make these kind of mid-level comedies. They're not made so much anymore. Well, you know where they're made. Netflix. Yeah. No, exactly.
Starting point is 00:10:53 I can't hardly wait in 2020. I'm amazed they haven't just rebooted it. I know. We're back. Yeah, totally. And then the third one, which was what I view as like my first real acting professionally, it was called SLC Punk. And it was this movie about, yeah, punk music in Salt Lake City in the 80s.
Starting point is 00:11:13 And it was cool. And I lied on my paperwork because this is pre-digital age. I was 17, but I got a fake ID and said I was 18 so I could work. And it all felt really, it felt cool. I thought you were going to say you lied that you knew how to do skateboarding stuff and things like that. No, no. I lied about my age and all that kind of stuff. Because people do that with sports movies all the time.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Yeah, I'm great at basketball. And then they show up and they can't dribble. We just had that on my TV show without mentioning any names. There was a character. It was very important that he be able to roller skate. And this guy said, expert roller skater. Right. And then he showed up, could not, definitely couldn't roller skate. How have you not done, or have you done a basketball movie that I didn't remember watching? Have you done it? I did one basketball movie. It was a mock documentary
Starting point is 00:12:01 before mock documentaries were really a thing. Like a little pre-Christopher Guest called The New Jersey Turnpikes. It was about the ABA. And it never got released. Oh, I was going to say, I don't know how I missed that one. Yes, it got swallowed up. New Jersey Turnpikes? The New Jersey Turnpikes, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:23 So you could have, if they ever brought back The White Shadow. Oh, fully. You easily could have back the white shadow. Oh, fully. You easily could have been Ken Reeves. Yes, fully. Could have pretended you had like the knee injury on the balls and now you're moving back home to, all right, we'll put that in the pile over there just in case. Yeah, I played a little bit of like one scene in this movie called Jeff Who Lives at Home. And I hadn't played in a really long time. And I was not good. Really?
Starting point is 00:12:45 I was not Lives at Home. And I hadn't played in a really long time. And I was not good. Really? I was not good at all. There was one, it happened in Freaks and Geeks too, where I was just supposed to hit a jumper. It was kind of an integral part of the scene. Like Nick Andopolis got his stuff together. Are we allowed to swear on this? Oh, we, fuck yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Yeah, Nick Andopolis got his shit together. And all I had to do in the scene is just like hit a jumper at the end. And it took us like four or five hours for it. The Freaks and Geeks thing which has become mythologized
Starting point is 00:13:11 over the years and turned into its own every anniversary and it's always like is you right what was that show two years?
Starting point is 00:13:20 No. One year? Yeah it was one and a half? Thirteen episodes or eighteen episodes something like that. That was it? Yeah. We was 18. One and a half? 13 episodes or 18 episodes. That was it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:26 We knew that we were going downhill because there was a craft service area, you know, where there's food to eat during the day. And when it started out, everyone was so excited. And there was like this, it was filled with meats and cheeses and, you know, all this delicious food. And then by the end, it slowly got whittled down to like a box of corn pops and some creamer. Like, oh, this isn't going well. And yeah, so they did something really smart on Freaks and Geeks. I don't know how many people know this, but we had the sense we were getting canceled. All the signs were pointing towards it. And sometimes on TV, they'll just pull the plug. Like, you're not coming back next week. And so we shot the finale halfway through
Starting point is 00:14:05 the season and just held it so that when they canceled us, there was an end to the show. That's kind of morbid, but really smart. Yeah. Yeah. You can see the grim reaper coming, but you actually, everyone was smart enough to plan for it creatively. It was most of our first real big thing. And so we had the naivety of youth thinking like, well, even if this gets canceled, we'll go on to the next groundbreaking show. We had no idea that it then gets hard and how special and unique that little capsule was. It's a weird time that basically mid-90s all the way through when Friday Night Lights was on, where you could have
Starting point is 00:14:47 these shows that were just super beloved, but you still had to hit this ratings threshold. And then once we hit the last decade, the 2010s, all that mattered was that your show was loved. They didn't measure it that same way anymore. The Freaks and Geeks was right
Starting point is 00:15:03 in the middle of that, where you had to deliver a certain audience as well, or they didn't measure it that same way anymore. But like the Freaks and Geeks is right in the middle of that where you had to deliver a certain audience as well. Or they didn't stick with it. Yeah. And I think that also entertainment for a long time was very much about wish fulfillment and feel good, feel good TV and all that. And Freaks and Geeks was the tone of most people's high school. It was melancholy and uncomfortable. Yeah. And I just remember at one point they told, NBC told Judd that like this doesn't feel like what high school feels like.
Starting point is 00:15:34 And we realized that there was just a disconnect. Yeah. Between whoever was giving that note and the rest of us. But that was basically my so-called life five years before that too. Same thing. Yeah. This is, it's like, no, this is actually what high school is like. It's sad and it's depressing and it's weird.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Yeah. They told Judd that they needed more victories. Like, next episode, we need more victories. So Judd wrote this thing, which I don't know if it's a fuck you or not, or if it is like our version of a victory. But Martin Starr is like terrible at baseball on this team. And then at one point he catches this fly ball and it's filmed and scored as like super triumphant. He catches it and it goes crazy and his friends go crazy. But then you find out it's
Starting point is 00:16:16 just like the first out of the third inning, you know, it's a catch of no consequence except to him. That's, That's realism to me. Did you feel like with everybody on that show that everybody was heading places? Or did you just feel like this is another job and I hope we all get to still work after this? Because when you look back at some of the talent on that show and you go, oh, my God. Yeah, I think that the first thing is much easier to say in retrospect. I don't know if you can actually feel that way when you're doing it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:46 But I do think one of the things I learned, we all learned from Judd during that, is that everything is in the casting. They did an international search for geeky, freaky kids. Yeah. So that nobody was faking it. Everyone was some version of the character that they were playing. And then I think the other thing about that show is it was most of our apprenticeship. So it is the cause, I think, of a lot of people going on to be great. Yeah. I mean, I learned so much just from working with Judd for all those years. It seems like Dazed and Confused was a little like that too,
Starting point is 00:17:22 where Linklater put so much time and effort and energy into who was going to be who in the movie. Yeah. And it just happened that he had great taste in a lot of the guys, McConaughey and Affleck and people like that. But everybody's kind of perfect. between those two things and Judd's whole ethos is it's like how honest are you willing to be on screen even amongst set comedy pieces or you know like absurdity what's the the most honest version of it and like push for that I think that that is what sort of has made a lot of us endure is how honest are you willing to be on screen? That seems to be the big test. Yeah. I would say that's a dominant theme in his movies, right? It's somebody who has
Starting point is 00:18:12 faults, but you like them anyway. Yeah. Or somebody who kind of knows they're fucked up, but they're trying to get through it as it is. Yeah. Like what does it really look like if you're a 40 year old virgin? What does it really look like if you get someone pregnant unintentionally? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder how many more of those he can pull off, though. I guess there's a lot of fucked up people out there. Yeah, and I mean, I think that— I know he's doing something with Pete Davidson now that's loosely based on probably some of Pete's picadillos.
Starting point is 00:18:44 I'm sure, yeah. And I think that too, as the creator of stuff, as long as you're doing constant check-ins, you'll keep finding stuff to explore. What do you think your big break was? Do you think it was that or was it something later? I think it was Freaks and Geeks. Yeah. Well, Freaks and Geeks was my big break
Starting point is 00:19:00 in that I learned everything I was going to learn and then my later relationship with Judd is how I got any of those movies made. At one point, so I personally think, I've never talked about this with Judd,
Starting point is 00:19:11 but I think when Freaks and Geeks got canceled early and a similar thing happened with Undeclared, there was a mentality of Judd like Count of Monte Cristo,
Starting point is 00:19:19 I am going to prove everyone wrong by making each one of these people stars systematically. Right. You know, like, watch this. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:28 I will prove to you that you were wrong. And so after Knocked Up, Judd and I went to a Laker game and he had instilled in us, right, right, right, you know. And we were at this Laker game and he said, okay, I think it's, I think it's your turn now. Do you have a script? And I said, yeah, I have this thing I've been working on. And I pitched him really loosely at a Laker game. Um, forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yeah. Like two days later, he said, all right, let's make it. It was, again, it was not dissimilar to my high school situation where I think there was a lot of working hard involved, but I also got really, really lucky.
Starting point is 00:20:08 And so I think that relationship was sort of my big break. And then weirdly simultaneously I got How I Met Your Mother. Yeah. And so I had this parallel. I had this thing on TV, which is very mainstream, and then I had these movies, which were a little more subversive, but still mainstream going side by side. It was cool. That whole era of comedy, which we've talked about a lot on different podcasts here, but that basically that 04 through kind of cresting with The Hangover, which wasn't just, but six years where we kind of redefined, I guess it maybe started with old school, but then maybe so maybe
Starting point is 00:20:45 it's seven years, but these R-rated comedies taking it to the next level and really good actors, really well-written, just everything. Now I look back at that generation really fondly. Yeah. It's a fun run. Comedy, unlike drama, which is consistent themes back to the beginning of time. Yeah. Comedy really goes in these cyclical phases, right? And so right before that era is the era of the high concept character, like the Ace Venturas. Yes. And then that gave way to this other era of comedy, which was people hanging out. That felt like your friends. Like, oh, that I see myself in that group. And then I think that sort of gave way to people wanting more of a
Starting point is 00:21:32 plot. But for a little while there, it was different iterations of dudes hanging out. You know, and it was, it was, the internet was around, but it was still fairly early internet and definitely before Twitter. Yeah. And the thing I used to love about movies like that is when the characters, when they're hanging out and they'd be talking about something that like my friends and I had talked about. And I was like, oh, it wasn't just us. Yes. These guys, you see, they did that in the movie.
Starting point is 00:21:58 We were talking about that. Yeah. And there's a lot of like identifying that you would do through these stupid scenes that you would then watch a hundred times on Blu-ray or all that stuff. It was a neat era. I look back on it fondly too. It was cool. It's, and there were so many good comedies. I'm not just saying this because you're here, but I thought I Love You Man was really good.
Starting point is 00:22:19 Thanks. And it's just like kind of, there's movies like that that just got lost because there were so many big. I mean, I don't remember if it did well, if it did mediocre or whatever. It did well enough. Yeah. But I think if that movie comes out, you know, at a different time when people, you know, comedies every four or five, six months, you need one. Yeah. My big wish is that Rudd and I do a sequel to I Love You, Man when we're like 70.
Starting point is 00:22:44 Kyle, would you see that? No doubt. Kyle liked that movie. That movie was really good, but it was like it was at the tail end of 20 good comedies in the span of seven years or whatever, and some of them just got lost a little. Well, I think there's only so many, that's like you said,
Starting point is 00:22:59 there's only so many of those conversations you can have before they've been had. Yeah. Right? That seemed like that was a fun movie to do. My guess guess was like there was like a lot of ad-libbing and yeah all kinds of shit all those movies there's a script that is worked hard on you know it's not it's not just like a loose blueprint it's we all work really hard on them but then there's this idea that you can't write anything as funny as the actor if you cast right like knows themselves and knows their moves better than anyone and so then you then you let everyone do their thing and that was basically apatow and adam mckay those were big things for both of those guys
Starting point is 00:23:38 is put funny people yeah in a situation with the script but then also let them kind of do their thing and but they both talked about that on this podcast. Like, yeah, this is the biggest advantage we have. If we have the right funny people and we trust them, more funny stuff will come out that none of us could have ever thought of. Yeah. The other cool thing that happens is I think Rudd and I did five movies together or something like that. Right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:00 So by the time you're getting towards, you know, three, four, five, you really know how to, it's like sports. Yeah. You know what I mean? You really know each other's strengths and can set each other up really well and all that. Was there a movie during that stretch where you were like, fuck, man, I'm right here. How am I not in this? Well, sure. Although I was, I mean, The Hangover, I think all of us were like, oh, man, that was a special one.
Starting point is 00:24:25 But I was super busy during that time. Because you're in the CBS show. I was doing the show. And so I was also writing some of those movies. And so during the year, I'd be doing the TV show, writing a movie, and then shooting it over the break. So I didn't have too much,, like regret about missing out on stuff. I was actually kind of the opposite. I was feeling pretty tired.
Starting point is 00:24:49 Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. So that when How I Met Your Mother starts and everyone's just comparing it to Friends right away. Yes. So were we.
Starting point is 00:24:57 And it was after Friends was just gone, right? We were like the next year. We were clearly just right in the middle. And everybody's like, hey, can I have some Friends? Is there anybody? Oh, these guys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:07 But it was a good show. And I think it kind of held up at least people's expectations for if there's going to be another show. What does that look like? Yeah. I think generationally, it has become its own thing. Hasn't it that weird Netflix kind of Hulu bounce back that I think has kept friends alive for people like my daughter?
Starting point is 00:25:30 Yes. But I think it will though at some point. Yeah, I think it went on Netflix and a whole other generation of people who now call me sir are watching it. That's been the weirdest thing
Starting point is 00:25:41 about getting older. People who I am sure I look at them and I think they're my contemporaries say like, have a good day, sir. That's freaking the weirdest thing about getting older. Yeah. People who I am sure I look at them and I think they're my contemporaries say like, have a good day, sir. That's freaking me out. You're 18. How do you know that joke?
Starting point is 00:25:52 Yeah. So you think that show has the legs now? Because I have no feel for this stuff unless my daughter tells me she got into a show. I don't follow too much either, but I think it's like back on people in colleges are watching it. It's on syndication everywhere. Like if you go to the gym, it's on the TV. Right. That's why I think it's like back on. People in colleges are watching it. It's on syndication everywhere. Like, if you go to the gym, it's on the TV. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:07 That's why I don't go to the gym. It's from that last era of if you could have a comedy and it's on for five seasons and then it just prints money
Starting point is 00:26:19 from that point on and everybody tries to get to the 100 episodes. I don't know how it works now. I think you just get paid more right away now. I think, yeah. I think we just missed the era you're talking about. You think you were late to it?
Starting point is 00:26:29 We were a little late to it. I remember recently somewhere, Seinfeld was, it might have been the SNL anniversary, but he called out to Larry David saying like, hey, we got the last two tickets to Disneyland before it closed. I think that era was the big, the Seinfeld friends era. How big was that show at its peak? How I Met Your Mother?
Starting point is 00:26:51 Yeah. I think it was really, really popular. Was it kind of the number, was Big Bang Theory bigger? Yeah, much bigger, yeah. But you were still in the conversation though. So you were like the Rockets, you're a contender. I think that's a great analogy, absolutely. No rings, but you were, you were made the conference finals a couple of times. Yeah. Yeah. And Neil Patrick Harris was like James Harden. Right. Yeah. Like
Starting point is 00:27:13 look at all those crazy moves. What was, what was the end for your character on that show? Uh, I became a judge. Okay. I can't remember if it was a Supreme Court judge, but I became- Supreme Court judge? Yeah. Appointed by Trump. No, I became like a big judge, man. Yeah. Well, congratulations on that.
Starting point is 00:27:33 Yeah, thanks. So maybe that comes back when you're 10 years from now. Yeah. Judge Sir. Judge Sir. He's the only man we can trust on this Supreme Court. Yeah. He's Judge Sir. He's Judge Sir. He's the only man we can trust on this Supreme Court. Yeah. He's judged her.
Starting point is 00:27:48 He's back. Yeah, I like that. Hey, companies around the world are solving their most important challenges with Google Cloud. Like PayPal, who's solving for millions of daily hopes, dreams, and financial ambitions. And Google Cloud is helping them achieve their mission to transform the prosperity and opportunity of millions of businesses around the world with massive scale and processing power. PayPal is connecting Main Street to every street. Google Cloud, what are you solving for? Visit g.co slash cloud slash solving to find out more.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Forgetting Sarah Marshall. We could make that tomorrow, by the way. Judge Sir, yeah, just pitch it to somebody. All right, I will. Well, you're doing this AMC show now that we have to talk about too. But yeah, Judge Sir, that's like your retirement, your retirement retirement.
Starting point is 00:28:42 Yes, yes. After I Love You Man 2. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This time it's personal. So you did the David Foster Wallace movie. Yeah, end of the tour. And I obviously, like many writers, super fascinated by him and blatantly, unapologetically stole his footnotes gimmick for both of my books.
Starting point is 00:29:03 Didn't do it as well as he did it, but was so fascinated by him. And he wrote, I think, a couple of the best nonfiction pieces of the last 50 years. Just the tennis piece that he wrote, a couple other things. A supposedly fun thing you'll never do again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A cruise ship essay is amazing. The footnotes thing to me, because I obviously had to read Infinite Jest for the movie. He is a complicated guy,
Starting point is 00:29:34 as we all know. And I think the footnotes thing was, it was like a barrier to entry for him. It was like a test. How hard are you willing to work to finish this book? And there's this experience when you read it with a physical book, which I think you have to, of, you know, you'll be on page 30 of this thousand plus page book. So you're physically, you're like at the beginning of the book and then you'll reach an end note and you have to flip to the back and then you'll read this punishing 70 page end note on tennis. Right. And you'll get to the end of it and you'll feel some sense of accomplishment because now physically you're at the end of the book. But then you have to go back to page 30. And it's demoralizing in a way.
Starting point is 00:30:14 And I personally think that it was intentional. It was this really complicated guy saying, like, how hard are you willing to work to know me? That's definitely that book specifically. Yes. Yeah. It's like 800 and something pages. It's crazy. I think it's over a thousand once you add the footnotes in.
Starting point is 00:30:33 That was an experience too where I was in full fake it till you make it mode. What would a real actor do in prep? I had no experience doing anything like that. I didn't know if I'd be good enough. I had this knowledge from doing comedy that if I get this wrong, this is going to look like a Saturday Night Live sketch. I have the glasses on and the bandana on
Starting point is 00:30:58 and I'm trying to do his voice. Like the chance of this being hugely embarrassing is really high. But I thought to myself during that period, like how I met your mother had just ended. I was 34. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and career. And I thought, are you going to find out if you can do this stuff? Or are you going to be the guy who sits resentfully at a dinner party for the rest of his life? And it's like, well, if I had done the revenant, you know, I just, I have too many examples of that guy. And I, we just have the entire internet. Cause that's, yeah, Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, you say and believe that you're good at this and you've devoted your life to it.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Let's find out. Go high degree of difficulty. What was the family and friends reaction from his end as you dove into this? Were they even happy there was a movie being made? I don't think so. I don't want to speak for them, but I don't think so. And I think that there was fairly some skepticism that I was going to play David Foster Wallace. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Because there was no model for that I could come anywhere close to being good enough. Yeah. And that was really healthy for me to feel like you really can't fuck this up, you know? Well, you didn't. Thanks. It turned out well for you. Yeah, yeah. It was a very well out well for you. Yeah, yeah. It was a very well-received movie.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Yeah, yeah. It's weird because you, I think this happens sometimes with writers that you really like. You almost don't want to know anything about them other than the stuff you're reading. And I think that's become impossible the last 30 years, especially now that we have social media
Starting point is 00:32:44 and things like that. You're always going to have insight on the person too. I think what was interesting about him, his stuff was so personal, but I also didn't really know that much about him. And the only clues you could really find were in his actual work. Yes. So it was one of those things, especially after he died, where you're just like, man, and you go on this deep dive and you read all these different things about him and people knew him and he still didn't really have a feel for him. I think it's why the movie, that particular movie is really interesting in that it is, it's a real three or four days that he spent with this Rolling Stone writer where it was all being recorded by the Rolling Stone writer, David Lipsky. So we had the full recordings and it was the closest you can get to seeing what someone like that is like at rest.
Starting point is 00:33:30 Yeah. It took like a day for him to get there because he's on guard for the first period. But he says this thing. He says this thing in there that really stuck with me that I think about a lot. He says to David Lipsky, it's not in the movie, it's just on these recordings. We all have this other voice. It's the voice that either tells us we're doing fine
Starting point is 00:33:54 or that we're a piece of shit. Yeah. And I've realized that my job is to make friends with that voice. I think about it all the time. It's a good one. Yeah, yeah. This, this constant war we're in, in our heads, like that's, that's going to be the most intimate relationship we have our whole lives, isn't it? But he ultimately, I mean, he couldn't navigate
Starting point is 00:34:16 that war. It was one of the reasons he had so many issues. It was like, he was so far in his own head. Yeah. Well, there's a great commencement speech he gave called This Is Water. And you watch it and I think that what makes it so accessible and profound is that it is someone talking to you on your level about some really important ideas because you know that they're struggling with these same things. They're not talking at you. It's not an enlightened philosopher telling you this thing that always feels unattainable to me. It's somebody who I know is right where I am at times of, man, this shit is more complicated than I thought. I did all of the things everyone told me I was supposed to do. And I still feel really confused or scared or this impending sense of doom. So what do I do now? Right.
Starting point is 00:35:13 You know, because it seems like checking things off this American list isn't going to get me there. Yeah. Yeah. We did a rewatch of what was about forgetting Sarah Marshall last year. Cool. And did a, I did a, we have this Marshall last year oh cool and did a we have this whole we have categories and did a whole bunch
Starting point is 00:35:28 of research on it and all that stuff so I knew some of the how appetite was just basically like yeah man go yeah go write this now
Starting point is 00:35:36 but I think what's what's really cool about that movie all these years later is how fucking rewatchable it is and that's why we did a pod about it
Starting point is 00:35:44 where you can kind of, you can kind of dive in at any point of the movie. Yeah. If he's in Hawaii, it's like, Oh, this part. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:52 All right. I'll stick in for 15 minutes. And then Rudd comes in and it's like, Oh, Rudd's here. Yeah. And then you're kind of sucked in for an hour. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:00 There was a special one for me too, because I, uh, I was really unsavvy. And so I wasn't writing from any place of strategy. I was just writing what I thought was good and what I thought was funny. The movie ends with a lavish Dracula puppet musical. It's interesting because when I talk about dispatches, I'm not trying to segue,
Starting point is 00:36:22 but there was a part of me when I started to write that where I thought to myself, man, at 35, which is when I started to write the show, you don't have the balls to be the guy who wrote the Dracula puppet musical. Right. Like something along that decade became too conscious of trying to have stuff be popular or successful or any of that. And it was really helpful for me to think about both the full frontal nudity in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and the Dracula puppet musical where I was like, just do what you think is really interesting and funny and would make you laugh and like what you like, you know? Yeah. I watched it with my daughter. Oh no, no, no, but no, no, hold on. Knowing the two scenes, I'm really good with the, I really want my kids to be funny and have sense of humor and I want to watch, and I don't want to watch like the watered down TBS version. Yeah. So I'll know what scenes, so it's like, oh, here's a scene where he's going to be naked. I'm just going to fast forward this. She'll, you know,
Starting point is 00:37:27 I'm like, look away, fast forward, go to the next scene. Yeah. And then there's a scene where they're both having sex in different rooms. I'm like, all right, we're fast forwarding over this.
Starting point is 00:37:34 But so it's like, you don't need to know what happens here, but there's some sex. It's like, great. And then I forgot you got naked again at the end. Yeah, I get you at the end too.
Starting point is 00:37:42 So we're just watching it all of a sudden. I was like, oh no! And she's like, dad! It was fine. It was fine. We worked it out. But yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:51 But no, it's, I mean, for the most part, it's only a couple of scenes, but what I learned is just do the Comedy Central version. Yeah, the airplane version. Yeah. They're much better at cutting that out. Did you know what you had with Mila Kunis in that movie? Because at that point, she's just a TV actress.
Starting point is 00:38:10 She hadn't shown that she's somebody who could lead a movie. And then she jumped off the screen in that thing. Yeah. Well, we did improv auditions with everybody. Oh. Yeah. And nobody was famous enough at that point to not do the auditions, which was really helpful actually,
Starting point is 00:38:32 because we could see what the chemistry was. A lot of times if somebody's already successful, they're like an offer only. And so that's when much more faith is involved. But we improv these scenes and she was just so no bullshit in a way that was perfect for that character. Kristen Bell was perfect for her character. And then the big surprise was Russell Brand. Because that part was written to be like an uptight British author.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Like a Hugh Grant type. That was really like really straight laced and buttoned up, but just way better than me, you know? And, and so people were coming in and they were doing these fake British accents and trying to be real posh and all this. And Russell came in, I'll never forget in his full Russell regalia and sort of sat down and he said, you'll have to forgive me, mate. I've only had a chance to take a cursory glance of your little script. Perhaps you should tell me what it is you require. And I was like, oh, it's this guy. Yeah. This changes everything. This has to be the guy. Yeah. And so this goes back to the lessons of Judd. So then you rewrite. Yeah. You
Starting point is 00:39:41 don't try to change Russell Brand intoon to something else you write towards him so we rewrote the whole script nick stoller and i for um for russell and i i honestly think that's why the movie's successful that that character is what makes the whole thing elevate and then the the fake mbc procedural stuff yeah but you could have made like 20 of those. Yeah, I think we made a couple more. There's some on like the Blu-ray or something, right? It's my favorite thing in the world. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:11 So who has that idea? And then you probably become obsessed with that, right? Oh, God. Oh, I thought of another one. I wrote a rough one. I think I wrote crime scene, scene of the crime, and I think Nick Stoller wrote Pet Detective or whichever one that was, Pet Psychic or whatever. But it was really fun to think about those.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Those are easy. Procedurals are really fun to make fun of. There could have been 20 of those. Nick Stoller has done a lot of stuff since. Yeah, yeah. Did you catch him early with that? We worked together on Undeclared. Yeah. He was a writer on Undeclared. He read, so we all read each other's scripts back in that time and give
Starting point is 00:40:51 each other notes. And we do these big table reads where all of this little community we had would come and give notes. So Nick liked the script and said, hey, I think I know how to direct this. And so that was a match made in heaven. I had never starred in a movie or written a movie. Nick had never directed. So like we were truly, yeah, it was perfect in a way. We didn't know that it was hard. Plus you stumbled into the Adam Sandler formula of if you're going to film a comedy, go somewhere awesome. So smart.
Starting point is 00:41:20 I felt like we tricked everyone. Yeah. That's Sandler every three movies. He's like, I'm going somewhere. I've always wanted to go. I don't know if that's possible. I caught him out on that in this podcast. You did? He's like, come on. Yeah. He's probably pretty open about it, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. To me, I say it's integral to the plot, but. Listen, they have to be in Hawaii and specifically Kapalua. Yeah. It was, I mean, it was a dream come true. Like you said, I mean, I think that era of movies is true like you said I mean I think that era
Starting point is 00:41:45 of movies is sort of gone I don't know that you can do do that kind of stuff anymore yeah people when Todd Phillips is making the Joker
Starting point is 00:41:53 yeah movie that's I think I think we're in a weird place with comedy yeah what happens when you're on a show
Starting point is 00:42:00 like uh How I Met Your Mother and it's successful yeah and you're making money and it's great and everyone says how like you show up for a sitcom it's actually a great gig once it gets going
Starting point is 00:42:11 you're there set hours you only have to perform one time a week and at some point some of the people either that or with the drama they're just like I don't want to do this anymore and they'll try to get out like fifth season, sixth season. Maybe like in the case of like Sherry Stringfield on ER, she tried to get out after three seasons.
Starting point is 00:42:30 She's like, I don't want to do this anymore. This sucks. Yeah. What happens to people mentally with that? Where they just, is it like you don't get challenged by it or what's going on? Yeah. Well, I had it right in front of me actually. Like it wasn't hypothetical.
Starting point is 00:42:46 So I was doing these movies over the break and doing the TV show during the year. And there was definitely a huge part of me that was thinking, oh, I could just be doing these movies. And it's just more interesting or it's more money or both? The money. No, it's not the money because the money on the show is really nice. Also, I think it's more the, um, for me at the time, my, my perspective has really changed with some distance from it at the time. You're 26, 27 years old.
Starting point is 00:43:17 You're a kid. I felt like I was working with the cool kids in the movies and that the TV show was very mainstream and, uh, that there was something cool kids in the movies and that the TV show was very mainstream and that there was something cooler about doing the movies. It's only with some distance that I look back as like a grown man and think oh you
Starting point is 00:43:35 hit the lottery. Both financially but then also like those were the nicest people in the world. It was like a really loving environment. We took care of each other. It felt really special. At the time, I had a little bit of a hard time seeing it because I thought, like, oh, what I could be if I had total freedom.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Because they had to, like, talk you into going into the last season, right? Yeah. You're pretty much out. No, no. Well, I went to go do a couple movies on the last season. And so my schedule became really difficult, but they accommodated me. They were very, very kind. But yeah, I think by, you know, by the time you get to nine years, that was longer than I'd spent with anybody. Right. Except my family. Yeah. I mean, that's like twice the length of any school I had attended. Yeah, it was a really long time. They're like, hey, what if we make you a judge?
Starting point is 00:44:34 You get to wear a robe. You can decide a case. I never saw it until now. That's exactly what they did. He'll be a man of esteem. Yeah, I'm like, I want to be taken seriously as an actor. No problem, judge. Judge, sir. If you've seen a show called Judging
Starting point is 00:44:52 Amy, it's really special. Yeah. Another thing about 10 years at that point, because it ends up being around 10 years. That was 24 when I started. 34 when I finished. And so I was like a, I was like suddenly a man.
Starting point is 00:45:09 Right. I was a whole different person. And, you know, the premise of trying to find the girl of your dreams is really interesting at 24. And I think by the time you reach 34, I had some life experience and wanted to make art about different stuff. And your family was in L.A. this entire time? Yeah. So you're just working in L.A. as a super successful actor and then you could be like, hey, I'm coming over tonight, Dad. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:35 Coming over for chicken tonight. You know, I didn't do it enough as I wish I had. I do it a lot more now. Yeah. Yeah. And my brother was in Boston. Yeah. Ah.
Starting point is 00:45:44 Yeah. My brother was, my whole family's Boston. We have a clothing store out there called Mr. Sid's in Newton. Really? Newton? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:54 So shout out to Mr. Sid's. That's like three generations of seagulls. There's like, I don't know, some huge number of my relatives. Mr. Sid's isn't tuxedos, is it? It used to be tuxedos. Oh, yeah. I feel like I've rented from Mr. Sidd's. Yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:46:08 When I was living there. Wow. Yes, they've now expanded into all sorts of leisure wear. All kinds of leisure wear. Yeah. You were big in the tabloids back then. What was true and not true? What was it like reading about your stuff?
Starting point is 00:46:23 People saying this, that, the other thing. He's dating this. He's going through whatever. I never look at any of it. Did people in your life go, hey, man, what's going on here? Not in relation to tabloids. Yeah. Just in relation to being my friends or my intimates.
Starting point is 00:46:38 You know what I mean? Well, you're a single guy in LA. You must have been thrown. That was the height of the Us Weekly era. Yeah, it was a really weird time. I feel like that all calmed down a little bit when the iPhone was invented. Because people were sharing their own pictures and their own Instagram and their own Twitter and all that. Yeah, I think social media killed Robertson Boulevard.
Starting point is 00:47:00 That's one of my weird theories. Remember Robertson Boulevard was such a thing and the celebrities would walk down and it'd be like paris hilton was outside the ivy today yeah there's a picture now it's like paris hilton could just take a selfie and there she is well it would also just be living your life like you get photographed uh coming out of like a grocery store right and the thing about being when someone jumps out and takes a picture of you, is you feel like you've been caught. Yeah. Like you've done something wrong. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:30 And so there's like an hour where you're like, is what just happened okay? Yeah. And then you're like, oh, everything's fine. I was, Affleck was always holding a Starbucks coffee coming out of some Palisade Starbucks. Yeah. And it was like, Ben Affleck, he's just like us. He gets coffee. I'm like, really?
Starting point is 00:47:50 It's kind of hard to believe that worked as a model as a magazine for 10 years. Look at Ben Affleck. He's getting his garbage. Yeah. Oh, okay. My life's very calm now, and it is much more like Jason Segel in another plaid shirt. You know, there's not much to report on. Jason Segel getting a green tee.
Starting point is 00:48:07 Yeah. Is that Buck Mason, what you're wearing? It is Buck Mason. Yeah, I'm wearing a lot of Buck Mason myself. Buck Mason. Shout out to him. Men of a certain age. Tell the AMC what's going on with this show.
Starting point is 00:48:17 And how many episodes is it? What are we supposed to look for? Is it on demand? It's not on demand yet. I looked for it last night. No, it's, no, no, no. It hasn't come out yet. It starts March 1st.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Right. After Walking Dead. I thought they would put the, put the first one on demand, but no. God forbid. I think they do actually after it airs. Okay. I think it airs and then you can get it. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:48:38 So give us the one minute explanation of the show. Sure. What happened to me in real life was I couldn't figure out what to write about. Yeah. And I spent a long time trying to figure out what I wanted to write about. And then one day I was walking down a street and I saw a flyer on a lamppost that said dolphin communications testing. And I'm interested in stuff. I had a hunch that it led somewhere, but there's nothing pointing you towards it. Yeah. So I called the number and it turned out to be part of this very weird social experiment that was happening in San Francisco at the time. Really? Yes. And basically I went through this induction and by the time I
Starting point is 00:49:20 was done doing this strange experiment, I knew what I wanted to write about. So it's about four people, myself, Sally Field, Andre Benjamin, and Eve Lindley, four different people. Yes. In four states of existential crisis who participate in this really unique game experiments and are trying to find the thing that is missing in their lives. Is this a show that could go on for nine seasons, or is it like a short show? This is 10 episodes. That's it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Did you tell Sally Field how incredible she was in Smoking the Bandit? I told Sally Field how incredible she was every chance I got. She doesn't get, because she's won Oscars and stuff. Yeah. So the Smoking the Bandit type roles have slipped through the cracks. Yeah. But her and Burt, all time. and stuff. Yeah. So the smoking the bandit type roles have slipped through the cracks. But her and Bert
Starting point is 00:50:07 all time. Yeah. They're the best. All time. That movie is just him driving around in a fucking car with a truck behind him. There's no plot.
Starting point is 00:50:16 Yeah. And it's just like five minute scenes of him and Sally Field just flirting with each other. It's like this is great. Yeah. That movie never gets made now.
Starting point is 00:50:24 She's a badass. She really is. It's very easy to think of Sally Field just flirting with each other. It's like, this is great. Yeah. This movie never gets made now. She's a badass. She really is. It's very easy to think of Sally Field as like sweet Sally Field, but she is a badass woman. Or like Forrest Gump's mom. Yes. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Is she in Steel Magnolias? She's been in, I mean, she's had an amazing career.
Starting point is 00:50:41 Yeah. So in addition to that persona, she's also just, she's really amazing. When I was growing up, it was her and Meryl Streep. Maybe Sissy Spacek, I can't remember. But there was only a couple of kind of monster actresses that you're like, oh, if there's a really important part, it will be one of these people that get it. Sissy Spacek took a big break. She did.
Starting point is 00:51:08 Yeah, Sissy Spacek and Badlands is like perhaps my favorite performance. Those were kind of the three. Yeah. All right, so The White Shadow. Yeah. We'll figure that out later. Judge Sir. Along with Judge Sir.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Yeah. Those two. Yeah. And then your show starts March 1st. It starts March 1st. It's a two-night premiere. So we have the first episode on Sunday night after Walking Dead, second episode after Better Call Saul,
Starting point is 00:51:31 and then it's once weekly after Better Call Saul. But the show itself is an adventure that mirrors what I went through, the real experiment. So as much as you want to be involved in the show, we let you participate. Oh, good. It sounds really interesting. It's cool, man. Funniest person you've ever been on a set with?
Starting point is 00:51:50 Oh, wow. I think that Jonah Hill has the most encyclopedic knowledge of references, perfect references for any joke occasion. Interesting. As fast as anyone I've been around. Best actor you've ever worked with? Oh, I've worked with a bunch of really amazing ones. I got lucky. Anybody that made you feel incompetent or insecure
Starting point is 00:52:13 about your own acting because they were so ridiculous? I was in awe of working with Robert Redford. Oh. Yes. Where was that? I did a movie called The Discovery, a Netflix movie, a few years ago where Robert Redford played my dad.
Starting point is 00:52:27 And there are some- Yeah, it was really cool. I've worked with a lot of great actors, but there were some moments when Robert Redford would go what I can only describe as full Redford. Yeah. Yeah. Where he turns to you. It's like the turn is perfect, and then the smile is perfect, and the conflicted look
Starting point is 00:52:43 is perfect. And I'm like, oh. Jesus. Right. Yeah. It'm like, oh. Jesus. Right. Yeah. It's like, oh, you're full Redford right now. I've been watching a lot of 70s movies because I've just worn out the movies from the last 30 years. I just have nowhere to go with any of them.
Starting point is 00:52:56 So I've been circling back and I just watched him in The Candidate, which is a really relevant movie for right now just because we're in this whole election process. And the themes really aren't that different of how you basically try to blow up somebody's candidacy. And he is amazing in that. Yeah. I think you can release that movie right now and people would not be disappointed. He's also a guy who's been doing it right
Starting point is 00:53:20 for his entire career. He also, talk about getting in at the right time, he bought a mountain. Yeah. Like he owns a mountain next to Sundance. You know, you did well when you're buying mountains. I think they're all taken.
Starting point is 00:53:37 I didn't take that mountain. Yeah. Good luck with the show. This was fun. Thanks for being on. Yeah. Thanks, man. I had a blast.
Starting point is 00:53:43 All right. Before we get to Corolla, chances are you've heard of Salesforce, but if you're like a lot of people, you don't know exactly what Salesforce on. Yeah, thanks, man. I had a blast. All right, before we get to Corolla, chances are you've heard of Salesforce, but if you're like a lot of people, you don't know exactly what Salesforce does. Well, here's what they do. They bring companies and customers together, different employees across different departments,
Starting point is 00:53:57 say Steven Sales, Mary Marketing, Katie Customer Service, whatever. They all get a single shared 306 degree view of each of your customers. That means two things. First, whenever your customers talk with any of the people I just mentioned, they'll feel like they're having a relationship with one united company, not a series of disconnected departments, which is important. Second, even more important, all those people I mentioned have everything they need to make your customers happy, not just a little happy,
Starting point is 00:54:19 happy like, wow, I love this company. They really get me. You know what else I love? One of my oldest friends in the world, Steve Bishop, he worked for there for a while and still works there. And I've mentioned him in these reads and people have come up to him and been like, hey, are you the Bish from Bill's podcast? Because I know he's my friend Bish. He actually, I think he's okay with it.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Nice. I think he liked the little positive notoriety, but yeah, my friend Bish. He actually, I think he's okay with it. Nice. I think he liked the little positive notoriety, but yeah, that's Bish. And at some point, if we do more of these reads, I'll tell the story about how Bish got a four on his AP bio exam because it's an awesome story. I should just have him in and tell that story. When your customers are that happy, everyone's happy.
Starting point is 00:55:02 That's how Salesforce brings companies and customers together. Like it's a four and an AP bio test. If that makes sense to learn more, visit salesforce.com slash learn more. And now without further ado, Adam Carolla. All right. Adam Carolla said we're taping this on a Monday. He recently celebrated his 40th anniversary of masturbation.
Starting point is 00:55:24 11. You have a splint on your hand. 11, well, God. I think you really celebrated it. No, well, this is good. Good timing. Crazily, 11th anniversary of podcasting today. 11 years.
Starting point is 00:55:36 Really? And I thank you because I don't know when I did your first podcast from your garage. I know exactly when it was. At your old house. What was that date? It was May 2007. Wow. So I started...
Starting point is 00:55:49 When I didn't even have two microphones in my little guest house, my house in the back, and you had to call in from my landline and wander around the backyard 20 feet away from me, and we did a podcast that way. Early technology. I couldn't stand in the room you were in because it would feed back over the mic. So you're just wandering outside the... I think people forget there was a thing between the phone that was mounted on the wall in the kitchen and your mobile phone. It was a phone that was a cordless phone.
Starting point is 00:56:23 Yep. And that's what I was using. Right. Back in the day. Standing. And that's what I was using. Right. Back in the day. Standing in the driveway. All right, crazy. So now I'm 11 years in. You're 13 years in or so, something like that?
Starting point is 00:56:34 Yeah, this is going to be in May. It'll be 13 years. But when you... Jesus Christ. So you were doing your radio show. I was doing my radio show. I would stop by on my way home from the radio show. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:46 I would go by your first house out in the garage, and then your second house in the den, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We moved from the garage, or you moved from the garage to the den. Really primitive equipment. Now, the equipment's actually pretty nice, though. Anybody can start a podcast, and it can sound pretty decent. Back then, not the case.
Starting point is 00:57:04 It was funny i want to do this thing called rich man poor man which is something i came up with when i was at kimmel with you i think a million years ago and i'll i'll launch into it or maybe i'll just get into it now because the podcast yeah does kyle know that podcast kind of reminds me of this doing a pod so a million years ago it's a game i play on my podcast and of reminds me of this. Doing a pod. So a million years ago, it's a game I play on my podcast, and people tweet me them all day, and they make me laugh. So when we were at Kimmel, and we're sitting around the writer's table, you know, 13, 15, I don't know, 15 years ago?
Starting point is 00:57:39 15 years ago. 15 years ago. I was sitting there, and I thought, an outdoor shower. I thought, if you're taking an outdoor shower, you're either super rich or super poor. With no in-between. No, the middle class doesn't take an outdoor shower. You're either by the pool cabana, just had a tennis lesson, and you're showering up in your front yard, just made of dirt, and you're standing in a tub with a busted hose.
Starting point is 00:58:05 So this is rich man, poor man. And somebody tweeted me, building your own podcast studio is like rich man, poor man. You're either physically making a studio, or you're in your apartment, and you've got a folding table, and your mom's helping you set it up in the kitchen. Yeah. Right. All right. So you ready for rich man, poor man? That's a really good rich man, poor man.
Starting point is 00:58:28 People give you clothing and hope you wear them, like the red carpet versus the goodwill. Oh, yeah, like when Beyonce is at the Grammys. Right, you get free clothes and people hope you wear them. Or when you donate free clothes to that family, you hope they put them on. When you donate free clothes to that family, you know, you hope they put them on. When you go into a fancy department store, somebody who works at that department store
Starting point is 00:58:52 runs toward you screaming, may I help you? That's a rich man, poor man right there. You have a refrigerator in your yard. Could either be Amstel lights in the back next to the pool and the tennis court, or there's raccoons screwing in it, and it's just laying open. But it's refrigerator in yard.
Starting point is 00:59:19 Here's one you have to think about, but it's very true with me. Never eaten at an Outback steakhouse i was too poor to afford an outback steakhouse and now i'm way too rich to eat in an outback steakhouse we're going to morton's or lauren's or whatever it is i've never eaten at outback steakhouse because i've been too poor and too rich i did ugly Ugly Delicious with Chang for his Netflix show. It comes out in, I think, March 6th. And we went to Outback Steakhouse. That was our thing.
Starting point is 00:59:49 It was about different ways to make steak. I had never been. Ironically, though. It was really good. But you may have been rich man, poor man, too, without Outback Steakhouse. True. When you were 23,
Starting point is 00:59:59 you couldn't afford Outback Steakhouse. I'd never been in my entire life. Now you're too wealthy. All right. Thank you. ford outback i've never been in my entire life now you're too you're too wealthy all right thank you drives a car that no longer exists a car make that no longer like a delorean so no like yeah like leno drives a dusenberg around and my stepdad drives a 74 amc Matador, but both defunct. Rich and poor. Has had sex near a fountain. Picture that big fountain at Griffith Park. This is like the Kennedy compound in Martha's Vineyard.
Starting point is 01:00:40 It's not a middle class move. I'm saying it's either a compound or it's the fountain off of Los Feliz and Griffith Park, and you're just on the ground. Right. You know what I'm saying? Possibly in the fountain. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:00:54 Leaning against the fountain. All right, I got a couple more. Greatly affected by raising the minimum wage. You either work at the Taco Bell or you own 128 of them. Right. I got one more um lives next door to a rapper you're either with kim and kanye in calabasas or you're in some
Starting point is 01:01:20 miniature apartment in van eyes you got some white kid next to you who's super skinny and 14. He goes by the handle mayonnaise and he's like rapping all day. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. That's my white rap name. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. My son's rap name is melatonin. It really
Starting point is 01:01:39 is. Alright, so those are my rich man I like that you immediately launched into your act. I wasn't expecting that. I've been really, you know, the thing that's funny about rich man poor man, I've been screwing around with it for a million years. Now you're honing it like a golf swing almost. And like 10 years ago, I was in a parking lot on CBS Radford and I go, I saw Jerry Seinfeld.
Starting point is 01:02:03 Like I was like, ooh, I saw Jerry Seinfeld like I was like oh there's Jerry Seinfeld and I know like I don't really know him but maybe we know who we are and he just walked right up to me and he goes that rich man poor man bit that's your bit like that's your that's your signature bit and I'm like it is like I just screw around with it Jesus but I started thinking you know who you're gonna you know no one you're gonna take notes from Seinfeld and stand up. So I just started writing them down. Right. I felt like you had a lot of signature bits.
Starting point is 01:02:31 That's for prom. A lot means none. When we found each other in the Kimmel writers room, I'd never had anyone else in my life who was willing to talk for 45 straight minutes about terrible movies on cable. Oh, man. And that was really how we bonded. about terrible movies on cable. Oh, man. And that was really how we bonded. I got one planned for you today, man. Oh, you're doing a fake movie later?
Starting point is 01:02:50 I got a fake movie later. And I, look, I don't want to, you know, you always want to under-promise and over-deliver. Yeah. And I want to manage expectations. But I think you're going to love this one. Okay, great. You're going to love this one. We have a lot to talk about. Well think you're going to love this one. You're going to love this.
Starting point is 01:03:05 We have a lot to talk about. Well, you were going to watch this anyway, but I wanted you to watch Wilder Fury, the rematch on Saturday night. It was the most anticipated heavyweight fight in a long time. It was a fascinating event that lost me money, as always. I was trying to figure out a way to lose money on sporting events. And now Fury is looming now that he's got his shit together.
Starting point is 01:03:28 That's pretty much the most imposing heavyweight champ we've had probably since Lennox Lewis when we thought Lennox Lewis was really good. 6'9", 270, has his shit together in a lot of different ways now. Has the ringmanship, has power.
Starting point is 01:03:44 He can clinch with the guy and then put the guy, bend him down and just kind of wear him down. And I'm not totally sure how you beat him the way he looked on Saturday night. You know, there's certain guys, I think, I always said this about like John Jones in the UFC. I said, nobody's going to beat John Jones. John Jones can beat himself. He can get into drugs. He can get into drugs.
Starting point is 01:04:05 He can get into trouble. He can run around with the wrong people. But as long as he stays focused and trains and is healthy, no one's going to beat John Jones. And it turns out he did get into trouble, and he did screw himself. He still hasn't gotten beaten, but it screwed him up a little bit.
Starting point is 01:04:19 I feel like Tyson Fury, I'd say the same thing about him. If he trains, he doesn't drink 37 diet cokes a day and stays focused I'm not sure who in this modern era is going to beat him I don't think Anthony Joshua's going to beat him I don't know certainly Ruiz is not going to be I mean there's a couple guys out there but I don't think so because he has skills for a guy who's that long. So boxing is like gymnastics, you know, like gymnastics, like a bunch of guys that are five foot seven because guys that are six three can't tumble that way and can't do all
Starting point is 01:04:55 that. And boxing historically was always that way. You see the middle weight guys looking like real sharpshooters and stuff. And you see the heavyweights, especially when they got into the super super heavyweights they look kind of clumsy and gangly or whatever he's a guy who's six nine he has a wingspan like a condor and he has form which you never formally saw like in the past mike tyson you know five ten and a half could beat a guy who was 6'5", because the 6'5 guy was like too gangly. Then Lennox Lewis was like, and then the Klitschko's, were like the first real tall guys who also had form. He's now taking it to the next level.
Starting point is 01:05:35 There was a knockdown in that fight where he switched from an orthodox stance to like a southpaw stance, sort of in the middle of a punch through a left hook and then went right to the liver with a left with another left and you don't see really long heavyweights like super heavyweights doing that shot where they take their bad arm their left arm they throw a good hook to the head and then go right back to the body with that that's middle weight activity so if you're gonna have a guy like that, who's that size, who has that kind of reach over everybody, good luck. I watched it again to prepare for this. And I was so surprised by how easily he was able to get two punches in as Wilder was loading up his right hand. And Wilder's plan was like, I don't mind taking some punches because eventually I'm
Starting point is 01:06:27 knocking you out with my right hand. And just every time Fury was one, two, one, two, moving forward, had him moving back and was just quicker each time for a 6'9 guy. That seems like impossible. Yeah. And also when you're Wilder, and I mean, we saw it with Tyson at some point, when you're wilder and i mean we saw it with tyson at some point when you're used to being the bully and then you get bullied you just don't have another gear you can shift into yeah you're the bully that's how it works once buster douglas starts coming out there firing
Starting point is 01:06:58 jabs and throwing the right behind it you don't really have a plan for that you have you have the michael spinks i'm gonna go hide in the corner plan but you don't really have a plan for that. You have the Michael Spinks, I'm going to go hide in the corner plan, but you don't really have the guy coming after you. That's a good – the Douglas thing is a good example because that whole fight, he's just beating Tyson. Each time they're about to exchange and Mike thinks, oh, I'm going to get him this time. Douglas is like, one, two, boom.
Starting point is 01:07:21 Yeah, and Douglas is a guy who's fighting Tyson when everyone else is scared. So fighting Tyson back in the day, it used to be like being abducted by terrorists if you were like a camera crew in Baghdad or something. It's like, you got one chance. Once you get into the van, it's over. And you go, well, what are my chances outside of the van? It's like, not very good, but that's it's over you know and you go well what are my chances outside of the van it's like not
Starting point is 01:07:46 very good but that's your chance right you'll get up there and trade and throw haymakers if you're in there trying not to get hurt Tyson walks you down and destroys you and you watch a lot of those Tyson fights a lot of those guys made the decision to get in the get in the van right like they didn't want to just go out and throw a haymaker. They're moving backwards. They're looking out for stuff, and they get dropped every time. Well, Wider didn't want to move backwards by after he got nailed a few
Starting point is 01:08:14 times, all of a sudden was going backwards, and he was going against the ropes and doing stuff that I hadn't really seen him do before. Also, I can tell you from being hit behind the head by Mario Lopez he was never the same. By Mario Lopez. I sparred with Mario Lopez once
Starting point is 01:08:29 and he clocked me behind the head real good. Yeah. You get hit behind the head, you're not right for a week. Right. Like you get busted in the nose, busted in the eye, busted in the mouth. It hurts.
Starting point is 01:08:41 Hit behind the head is super, you're disoriented for a long period of time and that's why it's illegal that's why it's illegal and the thing about it is is they do it and then the ref goes hey man no more of that meanwhile the guys on on on mars over there because you just hit him when that shot you thought hit him in the ear really hit him behind the head and he went down you feel like a weird little electric shock go through your foot when you get hit that way. It's literally like your circuits get disrupted.
Starting point is 01:09:12 And then when you get up, I don't care how much toweling off and sponge water you get in the corner, you're not right for days. You've been concussed. Well, it's going to be too hard for me to find the text I sent to Sal, but I was talking about the fight over the weekend.
Starting point is 01:09:28 I was like, I think Fury's a fraud. I don't believe in him at all. I think this is ridiculous. I think Wilder is going to absolutely knock him out. My bet is on Wilder minus 110 by knockout. Fury has no chance. This guy is going to be in the WWE in six months. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Starting point is 01:09:46 I picked Wilder, knockout, and the seventh. You think Tyson Fury, if he keeps his shit together, he's here for the long haul. He's 30, 31. He's young. Do you know what's crazy? For heavyweight. He is basically the same size as LeBron James.
Starting point is 01:10:04 And I think LeBron might even be 10, 15 pounds heavier than him. But he's 6'9", 270. And you just think, like, in the NBA, this guy's a power forward. Right. In the NFL, he's actually too big to be a tight end. Right. So if he's going to have the ringmanship that he has, I don't really—and he keeps his nose clean and all that stuff i don't really see the game
Starting point is 01:10:26 plan to beat him uh i guess you trade punches with him and hope you knock him down first that's about it i i think that if he stays clean and stays focused and also heavyweights you can fight to your 42 you know right and he's 30 or 31 i mean he could have a decade long reign he he really he really could and i i don't know what you know i you know maybe wilder could change up some of his training and put on a little muscle or yeah something and come back but it's also when you've been beaten down like when you've when you've really been disrupted emotionally, like while they're like, I don't know if he comes back emotionally from this. He'll come back physically. But when you really get busted up, it's tough psychologically to come back.
Starting point is 01:11:20 I want to talk about fatherhood with you. Yeah. Your kids are 13? Yep. You have twins. Yep. I have a 14-year-old and a 12-year-old. So it's like we're even.
Starting point is 01:11:29 Yeah, we're pretty much even. Combined age. At some point, it's adorable to have kids for years and years. And then at some point, they just become people who are renting a room in your house. Yeah. And occasionally you cross paths with them. They're not that interested in hanging out with us anymore no as a matter of fact sadly when i was driving in i was just listening to the the kobe memorial yeah and they were talking about his daughter and his other daughters and i was like they're so much better than my kids like they
Starting point is 01:11:59 love doing homework they helped each other they spoke mand Mandarin. Yeah, they hugged all the time. I felt the same way. I was like, I have a terrible relationship with my kids, apparently. My kid's in his room playing Fortnite, and when I walk in, he yells, get the Grubhub guy and bust it in. And then he yells, good talk. Talk to you in college. Like, what the hell?
Starting point is 01:12:20 Who's? Now, I get it. Like, maybe there's a little hyperbole there, but all I could think of is these kids were so much better than my kids. Do you think we would have been the same way with all the devices when we were 13? I mean, tougher for you. I was probably a little closer to my parents than you were. But I think there's so many ways to just disappear now with all the technology.
Starting point is 01:12:42 You don't even really need human interaction. I literally said to my son last night when I walked in and he was wearing his time-life operator headset and looking at his phone and battling someone. Talking to somebody who lives in the Philippines. Yeah, probably talking to some pedophile in Ukraine who thought he was 13, you know.
Starting point is 01:13:01 I just looked at him and I said, and he's got the, he's got the Shake Shack burger containers, like stacked up pyramid on top of his desk, all spent. And I just looked at him and I said, look, I'm being serious. When you're in therapy later, don't blame me. I told you to get away from this. I said, stop it, go outside and, you know, kick a hacky sack around or play some ditch or something. So remember, when you're sitting with your therapist, don't pin it on me.
Starting point is 01:13:29 Don't do that thing where it's like, they should have never let me. Don't. I tried 1,000 times. This is your decision. Leave me out of it. Well, it's so funny. The 40th anniversary of the Olympic hockey team was this weekend.
Starting point is 01:13:40 I watched it last night. Yeah, and then Marica was on all this stuff. And I have a really hard time explaining to people under 30 what like a transformative moment it was and it mostly hit through the fact that we didn't have a lot to do in 1980 right we had like the 10 channels we know it on a friday you might walk down to the local dump and look for playboys and baseball cards and sports illustrated for this to fall out of the sky, this amazing underdog story, where it was on tape delay, we didn't have the internet to have it ruined.
Starting point is 01:14:11 And this amazing thing. And then we all got to share it with each other. It was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. You know, it's interesting back then when there was three stations and they didn't have the internet and all that kind of stuff. No video games it took the stuff that were zero burgers like the dukes of hazard and the love boat and all that kind of stuff and turned it into a 40 share on tv you know like it took the stuff that was a zero and made it into an eight and then the stuff that was actually something like the american hockey team that then
Starting point is 01:14:46 just turned into an 11 right that just was the biggest thing ever so it took stuff like you know this nation hockey today i mean cold war it'd get a little traction into today's world but my son wouldn't be moved by that that that event i'm not really sure what would have a collective impact like that from a sports standpoint the closest thing we have at this point is the super bowl but you're never going to have an underdog situation like that and if right and if we did both you and i would probably end up losing money on it i was watching that and i forgot the 30 for 30 on it and and I forgot they pulled the goalie. I mean, during the break, they pulled the goalie,
Starting point is 01:15:30 and it was 2-2. Like, all right, he gave up two goals. Oh, yeah, the greatest goalie of all time, Tretiak. Just took him out. I get that they're sending a message, but send the message after you guys win the game, not during the game. The Miracle movie, which I was against when I heard about it, because I was like, fuck you.
Starting point is 01:15:49 We don't need a movie about the greatest moment of all time. I'm really glad it happened now. I like Kurt Russell as Herb Brooks. I think we did a good job with it. Oh, we definitely did. In Italy. The worst movie we saw together was Troy. We saw that together? Yeah, it was almost like a grinder date. I was like, let's together was Troy. We saw that together? Yeah, it was almost like a grinder date. I was like, let's go see Troy. I thought it was the Marine. I thought the Marine was the
Starting point is 01:16:12 worst movie. I kind of enjoyed the Marine. Troy was bad. Troy was actively bad. I was sitting with Chris Morgan, who writes all the Fast and Furious movies and produces all those things, and he's a real nice guy and he's a neighbor and we just hang out sometimes we'll just go to the local whatever
Starting point is 01:16:30 and have some have some martinis on a Saturday and just talk and I remember once I was saying to him a few months ago I was like you know I'm it's this weird thing because I'm like I love Fast and Furious and then I'll go, I love bad movies, but not that bad. Right. Not your movie. Not yours. Not yours.
Starting point is 01:16:49 I mean, I like other. I go, me and Bill Simmons went to see The Marine. That's how much I love bad movies. He's like, yeah, that was my movie. I was like, oh yeah. You got to be careful because these guys had careers. Like they did things before they did their franchise. You know what I mean mean i didn't see
Starting point is 01:17:05 21 bridges in the theater but to me that's like perfect wheelhouse thing i had this night it was saturday night my son had a sleepover my wife had to go to some event and my daughter was on a date and i was home for like three and a half hours. I'm like, it's time. 21 bridges. Right. Bozeman. Right. And,
Starting point is 01:17:28 uh, I, I just wish those movies came out once a week. Yeah. It was everything I wanted. It's not going to win the Oscar. There's, you know,
Starting point is 01:17:36 there's maybe some bad cops, little JK Simmons, Sienna Miller with an accent. Um, you know, the heist gone wrong always when a heist goes wrong I'm always there
Starting point is 01:17:48 it was just good it was solid I just wish they made more of them I wish Netflix their algorithm which I think is just turning out true crime horror movies
Starting point is 01:17:57 rom-coms but yet when they do like Triple Threat and these different with the one that Frank Grillo was in and things like that i was like just more of those i figured i know the new algorithm for netflix and tbs and like all usa i realized that if you add a mother's nightmare behind the title you'll just get everyone to watch it because all because we have a, which is our wives don't have real problems.
Starting point is 01:18:30 Yeah. So they have to sit around and watch shows about kids being abducted so they can actually create problems in their head. And if you look at these things, every single one of them is tagged with a mother's nightmare. And once you hear a mother's nightmare all the women are drawn in is that does that explain the lifetime movie slate yeah they literally changed one of the names of their titles to a mother's nightmare like that's that's that sucks in all the moms they all want to have do you go on lifetime runs because i i will go on
Starting point is 01:19:03 runs where i'll just start watching them for two straight weeks. And it's always the nanny that comes in. Basically, they try to keep remaking him, that rocks the cradle in different ways. But it's always the nanny, but the mother has a back injury or she's coming off some medication thing or something. And it kind of loses control of the steering wheel at home,
Starting point is 01:19:26 and the nanny starts coming in on the dad a little bit. Yeah. They just remake that 97 different ways. Yeah. And it seems like every time it has an audience. I don't get it. The nanny not coming on to the husband is a father's nightmare.
Starting point is 01:19:43 I'd like to start producing that stuff, where we get get like, remember Tiger's ex-wife, Elon? She moves in and doesn't find me attractive. Yeah. A father's nightmare. What if I did? The cold nanny. A father's nightmare. We have those situations where I'm in the kitchen in my bathrobe and she's making the
Starting point is 01:20:02 kid eggs and she goes, don't you think that's a little inappropriate, being in the bathrobe? And I'm like, it's my house. And she's like, could you change? And I just slink out of the room. A father's nightmare. I like it. Let's start developing.
Starting point is 01:20:15 Remember that Shane and Tweed Skinamax movie? Yeah. Where she hooked up with everyone in the house? She was the nanny for, it was a married couple with a son. Yeah. And at some point there in the movie, everyone became involved with Shane and Tweed. I think it's called Scorned.
Starting point is 01:20:32 It's, you know, what to do today if you're like a former playmate or a nine, but you're 37 years old. In the old days, you had Skinamax. You had like this whole middle ground of pornography. Or Baywatch, maybe? Yeah, you could do an arc on Baywatch, but there was all like,
Starting point is 01:20:51 my tutor, my whatever, like you're the person. And if you're willing to show a little boobie, you can get paid. Now it's either nothing or you got to go porn. Or like full porn.
Starting point is 01:21:03 Or like social media influencer influencer i would say would be the third path yeah but i don't know who's who would be listening to shannon tweed today well so like what is denise richards would be like this generation's shannon tweed right yeah she's kind of i guess maybe you do reality maybe you end up on like real housewives yeah yeah you watch those shows or you stay away from those shows? I watch those shows just for this moment. Just for this moment. I lay on top of my bed. That's full leisure, by the way, when you're on top of all your bedding.
Starting point is 01:21:38 But not under any sheets. Not under anything. Certainly not under any obligation to do anything. Just laying on top. Yeah. You got your wife next to you. The only reason I watch those Real Housewife shows is when at some point my wife will find the housewife she doesn't like. And she'll go, look at her.
Starting point is 01:21:59 She lays around all day. She's got a full-time nanny. She doesn't even have a job. She doesn't even make her kids. And I go, uh-huh. She's got a full-time nanny. She doesn't even have a job. She doesn't even make her kids egg. And I go, uh-huh. That's interesting. Let me write this down. By the way, you're not yelling this down from the roof because you're cleaning the gutters. We're just laying on top of the bed and the nanny's in the other room making eggs for the kitchen. I find it ironic. You know, that's what's in it for me. I like that moment.
Starting point is 01:22:26 My wife is watching Love is Blind on Netflix. It's a show where two people, nobody can see each other, but they spend a lot of time talking and they form these connections and they decide they're in love and then they meet yeah and then it's like you're not gonna believe this but it doesn't go as well after they meet it's how it plays out but it's like 12 episodes the show that ever that that i feel like my computer and my cable tv package wants me to watch but i just won't watch it is naked and afraid i'veraid. I've done a tour of duty on that show. My feeling is like I have shows on the internet called Naked and Humping for Free. Like, I will watch that show.
Starting point is 01:23:14 Naked and Afraid is like seeing fire ants on some guy's junk, you know? Yeah. I don't know. I feel like it's a deal breaker. I'm amazed by how much they blur out on those shows. Because remember, you've been in a lot of editing bays. They're dark. You always feel bad for the editor.
Starting point is 01:23:33 He's in there for 12 straight hours. There's some fast food over on the right. And the guy's just like, he looks like he's doing a tour of duty, basically. But you add in just blurkeling people's junk for six, seven hours where like, Hey, uh, kind of saw that guy's sphincter and this one,
Starting point is 01:23:53 can you go back and fix those seven frames? I saw a hint of a red eye. Could you take that out? Like they talk about PTSD with the people that do the Facebook when they get rid of the videos of that. I think the editors who do naked and when they get rid of the videos of that I think the editors who do naked and afraid that would be in the same vicinity right I would have PTSD from I wonder and PTSD I'm glad you brought that up because it's a theme of my made-up movie that
Starting point is 01:24:15 we're teasing great I wonder if those guys have that PTSD and like I wonder if they have a syndrome like if you do terrestrial radio like I did terrestrial radio for like 14 years right and then what what'll happen is you'll find yourself sitting at a bar with your buddies having a few beers like watching a game and you'll go listen I don't give an F or two S's if that C word wants to give a GD. And they go like, why don't you just say the word? And you're like, oh, I'm so used to saying F and S. Yeah, you're so used to deleting yourself. I'm editing and deleting.
Starting point is 01:24:56 Like I'm blurring, I'm tiling myself out because I'm so used to saying it during the week that I can't shut it off. And I wonder if that editor when he's suffering from his PTSD like goes back to his home and when his wife steps out of the shower and wants to become intimate he sees her genitalia tiled out giant blur girl giant blur like he can no longer enjoy his wife's form anymore because every time he sees boobies it just looks like a cloud it could be a syndrome you know what I wanted to talk to you about i haven't talked to you
Starting point is 01:25:29 blurkle syndrome i have some syndromes from you too i haven't do you know that uh i i suffer from um my wife suffers from canine hydration disorder which is she's obsessed with the dog and the water and any dog and any water oh making sure they're hydrated my dog down the street had middle-aged women pull over and offer bottles of water for my dog like once a woman hits 40 she becomes obsessed with the hydration of their dog. And when my wife isn't, like when she leaves for two days, she's like, she didn't say anything. She just goes, you make sure Phil's got water. He's got to have water.
Starting point is 01:26:13 Like, why doesn't he have water? Like, she'll come back and go, why isn't it? The kitchen could be on fire. She'd walk like right past and go, there's no water. And Phil's, so she has female canine hydration disorder. That's a good one. And I, I'd like to invent this because everyone's getting me too'd and everything. So she has female canine hydration disorder. That's a good one. And I, I'd like to invent this because everyone's getting Me Too'd and everything.
Starting point is 01:26:30 Uh-oh. Kyle, get the edit button ready. I have RCS. I have restless cock syndrome, which I think many men are afflicted with. Or just constant adjustment? It's just, I don't know. You're never happy with your cock?
Starting point is 01:26:44 It never feels like it's in the right place. It always wants attention. You know, it acts out. I could get a note from Dr. Drew that say, we all have restless cock syndrome. And it would cover a lot of troubles. Yeah, restless cock syndrome. 3.8 billion men are afflicted with restless
Starting point is 01:27:05 especially in the summers it gets really tough balls get involved yeah oh my balls can't talk them down not with the restless not with the RCS if you suffer hey if you're enjoying this podcast
Starting point is 01:27:22 and I hope you are it's a pretty good podcast you have to admit check out the bachelor party podcast if you're enjoying this podcast, and I hope you are, it's a pretty good podcast. You have to admit, check out the Bachelor Party podcast. If you love The Bachelor, hosted by Julia Lippman. I'm actually on that podcast this week with Mallory Rubin. We did a fantasy draft of all the possible Bachelorette contestants that could be in Bachelor in Paradise. The podcast is completely insane. If much like that show, you can listen to that.
Starting point is 01:27:44 You can listen to that. You can listen to Music Exists, our new podcast with Chuck Klosterman and Chris Ryan that is exclusive to Spotify. You can also listen to The Hottest Take, which is exclusive on Spotify, where me and Carolla are popping up a couple times because nobody, I mean, his whole life is a hottest take. We did a couple that you can hear on that feed as well,
Starting point is 01:28:04 only on Spotify. Check all those out. Don't forget about book of basketball. Don't forget about rewatch. Well, don't forget about all of the awesome podcasts we have, especially heading into, um,
Starting point is 01:28:14 the basketball playoffs here. Cause we got JJ Reddick on, we got Vince Carter gone. We got the ringer MBA show. We have Rosillo's pod, all these different avenues talking about basketball. Check all them out. The ringer podcast network. you can find us on Spotify
Starting point is 01:28:27 as well as on Apple, on Stitcher, wherever you get your podcasts. All right, back to Corolla. Two things that I've been dying to talk to you on a podcast about. First one, the only person I know who hates the concept of dogs on airplanes more than me is you. I did a hottest take about unless unless it's a service dog, the people that have now decided, I'm going to get a note from my buddy who's a doctor.
Starting point is 01:28:55 Now I get to bring my golden retriever on the plane with our family because we don't want to pay for the dog to get boarded for a week. Sure. But we really need this dog, and you just see these people with their golden retriever in their lap, or they're sitting in first class with a second seat for the dog. We've lost our minds. I love animals.
Starting point is 01:29:17 We both have dogs. We've all lost our minds with the dog thing. I've been on a few flights. I was sitting in first class there was another dog in first class right next to me just right across the aisle and another dog was walking to coach and they got into like a class warfare battle like they scrapped it out at my feet like they were going at it yeah the dog who was going into coach didn't like the elite look on the first class dog. And it's insane that there's a dog fight on a plane.
Starting point is 01:29:50 I would say. There's also, when we have our next major commercial airline disaster, they're going to have to do that thing where it's like 286 passengers uh nine crew members and 51 dogs like they're gonna give a dog body count on the next commercial flight right and i think both of our wives would be more upset about the dogs oh all women oh i know 51 dogs like honestly like if you go if you said 300 people died on the plane and nine dogs, they'd go, ooh. Yeah, that's part of that hydration syndrome we're talking about. But I had two things. I was flying to Seattle.
Starting point is 01:30:36 You know when you sit in the very front, you have the bulkhead just against you, and you're in the very front of the plane, and you put your backpack down, and they go, sir, you can't have your backpack there. You have to stow it up above you because there's no seat to slide it under because there's no seat in front of you me and mike august got yelled at for putting our backpacks in front of us meanwhile there's a medium-sized labrador across the aisle laying against and all i'm saying is is if there's an emergency and we have to exit the plane what's more difficult like stepping over a transport backpack or stepping over a 90 pound dog who's on the move panicked running up and down the aisle like you would think the the goal of a plane would
Starting point is 01:31:18 be if there is chaos you would want the people in the plane to be as controlled as possible. I'm positive that dogs can't help. Would not be a great idea. And then also, what about the nut, the wackadoodle nut job, middle-aged broad who you're trying to get off the plane, but she's going back. Did you say broad? Broad. I'm being pejorative.
Starting point is 01:31:38 We're not allowed to say that anymore. I called her a wackadoodle. I called her a nut job, and now I'm calling her broad. What are you, like Jackie Gleason? These are pejoratives. She's going to circle back and go for her dog. She's not going to want to hit the inflatable slide. True.
Starting point is 01:31:53 She's going to want to make sure she's got her dog with her. I was just watching, don't ask why, but my son- That dame needs to be banned from the airport. Listen, Missy. Yeah. My son and I were watching Amityville Horror with James Brolin. Yeah. Which I still feel like is one of the great horror movies of all time.
Starting point is 01:32:09 It's also terrible. Oh, but yeah. And he slowly goes insane during the movie from the house. Sure, the house drives him insane. Nobody ever makes the larger connection that, oh, five people were shot to death in this house a year ago. Maybe there's something wrong with it. About two-thirds of the way through the movie,
Starting point is 01:32:26 they figure out that the gateway to hell is in the basement. They still don't move. Right. And he's unraveling, losing his mind. And finally almost ends up killing the family, snaps out of it. Blood starts coming out of the stairs, goo's coming out of the toilet.
Starting point is 01:32:40 And they're like, we got to get the fuck out of here. Like they're gathering the kids. They're just sprinting out of this house before it kills them. They're in the van. They're about to leave. And they're like, what about Larry? Larry the black lab. And all the kids are looking at him like, dad?
Starting point is 01:32:56 Gets out of the car. He goes to get Larry. Goes into this house that is combusting, has the gateway to hell, has blood goo coming out of the walls. Larry goes, finds it Larry falls in the basement, gets Larry, brings the dog out. And I love dogs. I'm out of there. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:13 I have never had a dog in my life that I'm like, you're right, we should go back and get the dog. It's an amazing dog moment. If I was walking my dog and you pulled over and you said, I'll trade you this burrito for your dog i wouldn't say yes but i would say what's in the burrito right like because you know he says if it was a pork burrito with fresh guac and where's it from yeah if it's chipotle and it's up the street if it's taco bell i need three burritos if it's chip would ask i'm not saying i trade i just say i was asked
Starting point is 01:33:46 yeah i got a good brolin story for you here's why well you you and josh oh yeah oh no this is a james but i mean you and josh you've gone a couple around you've hung out with josh he's a fun guy um bro here's how i know we're doomed when it comes to the whole climate change thing. Yeah. Okay. He lives in Malibu with Babs, right? Barbara Streisand is very much invested in the movement, in the climate change and recycling and all the ozone and the Green New Deal.
Starting point is 01:34:23 She's very much invested in that. I like when people are invested in that, but then they also fly by private plane. Yeah, and they also live in like 16,000 square feet, which is like probably burning a few kilowatts, but she's into the movement. He came to do my podcast. He goes, when we were done doing the podcast,
Starting point is 01:34:41 he goes, you're a car guy, right? And I go, oh yeah, I'm a car guy. I showed him all the Newman race cars and everything in the other shop. He goes, well, check out what I got. He's driving a fully loaded 2016 Ford Raptor. The Ford Raptor is basically a trophy truck, like 500 or 1,000 miles of Baja, Baja 500 trophy truck, just street legal. And then he goes to me, you know,
Starting point is 01:35:08 I got to 2016 and I said, well, why didn't you get a new one? And he goes, Oh, cause after 2016, they switched to a turbo charge V6. This has the V8 in it.
Starting point is 01:35:21 And I'm like, Oh, it burns more fossil fuels. Like the guy who's married to Babs couldn't even drive an off-road truck. First off, nobody needs that off-road truck in Los Angeles. True. But
Starting point is 01:35:33 he's still driving an off-road truck, and he's driving the one with the naturally aspirated V8 in it, which gets much worse mileage than the V6 with the turbo. I have a Jeep question for you. Yeah. So, you know those, what are those, Land Rovers from the Defenders? Defenders, yeah. From like 94, 95, 96, 97, and they're like impossible to find online.
Starting point is 01:35:55 They only made a few of them. Jeeps that basically become convertibles, but they're sturdy. Right. And then the Jeep Wrangler has tried to make their version of this, but it's not like the Mac Daddy version. Why hasn't one of these companies made the Mac Daddy Jeep? The awesome version of those. There's a lot of aftermarket companies you could bring your stock Jeep to
Starting point is 01:36:16 and have it done. Yeah, but why do I have to do that? Why isn't Jeep doing it? Why can't they just make an awesome one? Why does everyone have to soup these up? This is my car question of the day for you. Okay. About 12, God, 15 years ago, VW came out with like the Phaeton or something.
Starting point is 01:36:36 The VW. The Phaeton. Yeah, I think it was called the Phaeton. And it was like a V. Sounds like a new casino. It was like a W12 cylinder motor in it. And it was like $100,000. And it was probably 2005 or 7 or something like that. 04, I see.
Starting point is 01:36:57 What's that? I see 04 here. 04, right. And the sticker price was like $97,000. And nobody would pay $97,000 for a VW. So that was it. That's our answer. So they go, who's going to pay $104,000 for a Jeep? Because so many people are into the brand, you know what I mean? The label. So Genesis just became Genesis. They're not Hyundai Genesis
Starting point is 01:37:21 anymore. They're just Genesis because they realized the Hyundai was holding them down. Throwing people off. Right. So your answer is probably Jeep doesn't think they can make their money back on $107,000 Jeep. But Jeep can sell a $46,000 product, and then you can take it somewhere and pay them $55,000. That makes sense. I knew you'd be able to explain that to me. How many cars are you up to these days? I have 12 Paul Newman race cars now,
Starting point is 01:37:48 and I'm up to, I don't know, maybe 25 or something. 20, 25 overall. This is like, you could have just bought baseball cards, and it would have just been so much easier. Instead, you have these cars that are super expensive, and you have to store in various places but this is like this whole market that it's you and like nine other people are at this whole other level of car collecting yeah i well i can't imagine anyone has more paul
Starting point is 01:38:20 newman cars than you no no i don't think anyone has more. I don't think anyone has three Paul Newman cars. But, you know, I drive them. I mean, I race them too. So I get to drive them. At what point do you have to retire from racing? Because I feel like my reflex is, I turned 50. I feel like my eyesight and, you remember, I'm one of the world's great drivers.
Starting point is 01:38:43 Well, I don't. You saw me in action. We drove home from Vegas. You made it in three hours. Yeah, I'm one of the world's great drivers. What? You saw me in action. We drove home from Vegas. You made it in three hours. Yeah, I'm one of the great ones, but now I feel like I'm past my prime. Well, Newman drove until he was like 82. Did he really?
Starting point is 01:38:57 It's ironic that I have all these Newman cars, but he drove until- 82 was on the side of his car. What ends up happening is what you lose a little in reflex and eyesight, you kind of gain in experience. So you, I don't know, in a weird way, it's like, I guess it's like being a quarterback when you're 36 or something. Like you kind of lose the legs a little bit.
Starting point is 01:39:25 Or 43 in Brady's case. Or Brady case. But you know the game better. Yeah. Like there's an element of that. All right, that makes sense. There's an element of like knowing the game better. Speaking of Brady and football,
Starting point is 01:39:36 we're now a couple years into this Rams-Chargers experience. Mm-hmm. And you're a Rams fan. Mm-hmm. Although you're really a fan of whoever you gambled on that week yeah but i like the ramps we're building this out here yeah you're a legit rams fan but um they're building this giant stadium that looks like it's gonna end up costing like six billion dollars and yeah it's like two i think i heard it was like two point something billion no that's what it was supposed to be.
Starting point is 01:40:05 But now we're up toward five. Because it was way more expensive than they thought. The weirdest part of this whole thing is that the Chargers are involved. It's like people don't care about the Clippers, but at least they're relevant because they've been here a while. It's an NBA team. Now they have Kawhi. The Angels, they're in Anaheim.
Starting point is 01:40:25 There's like Angels fans are just different than Dodgers fans. It makes sense, the delineation of those two things. The Kings and the Mighty Ducks, same thing. In this case, I don't know what the roadmap for success is for the Chargers in Los Angeles, where you barely have enough fans for the Rams. A lot of the people like the Raiders. Most people are transplants, which you invite over to your house every Sunday to watch football, and everybody's rooting for a team that's not an LA team.
Starting point is 01:40:57 Literally. What is the path to success for the Chargers? If they hired you and they were like, please help us out, how do we win in L.A.? What would you tell them? First thing, they just dealt rivers or rivers is going to go somewhere. Yeah. Man, the worst thing that could happen to your team is to get that quarterback who's good but not great and he's just there for 13 lackluster.
Starting point is 01:41:20 Like Matthew Stafford. Yeah, just wins enough to never bench him or deal him never wins any playoff games never goes to the show but you can never really get rid of him because he's putting up numbers you know like no wiley on er yeah he can't be the lead of the show but yeah much better to flame out Ryan Leaf. Just flame out or go Clooney. But don't just hang out and put up decent stats. Do you think if they got Brady,
Starting point is 01:41:53 it would change how people cared about the Chargers in L.A.? Because I actually don't think people would care. No, I've been around long enough to remember when Namath came to the Rams. Oh, yeah. Man, was he broken down. Yeah, he was totally broken down at that point. And it's just like, yeah, we know the name.
Starting point is 01:42:12 But also, you know, the thing about sports is you don't get to coast very long on your reputation. It's like pushing a car with four flat tires. It's just like all Brady would have to do is have two games in a row where he threw three picks, and it's like it's immediately over. Who cares? They'd be calling for whoever the next kid is to come up off the bench. I think they have to deal. Rivers will be dealt, and then they'll get some great mobile quarterback from college,
Starting point is 01:42:47 like some highlight reel. Like Tua. Trade up for Tua or something. Yeah, or some young Mike. Yeah, Tua. Something like that. Some exciting, electric, mobile, new breed NFL quarterback. By the way, the greatest thing to happen michael vick is all these great running
Starting point is 01:43:05 quarterbacks in the league now because we used to just talk about him and dog fighting for like the last five years and now it's not since michael vick not since michael vick and now all of a sudden he's back on the happy side of history right definitely the other thing we haven't talked about so one of the first times you came on my podcast, you did a whole fake movie for Pedophile, which was your action movie where a plane carrying the president lands on this island that has basically escaped from New York where they've just decided to put all the worst people in the world,
Starting point is 01:43:43 including a lot of pedophiles. It was a Cub Scout troop originally. It was a Cub Scout troop originally. It was a Cub Scout troop. Yeah, yeah, I screwed that up. So Cub Scout troop, Lance and pedophile, and then they have to kind of fight their way out. And we did a couple versions. It was the most popular fake movie done on my podcast.
Starting point is 01:43:58 Then I get this email all the time. When are you talking to Kroll about this? And I don't mean to make light of it, but we have to at least talk about it jeffrey epstein one of the worst people we've produced in the last 50 years actually had an island yeah that it seemed like terrible stuff was happening and it seemed like the real life pedophile and it's almost so crazy i can't wrap my head around it. You did it on my 09, maybe, 2009? This was a running bit we did on a podcast. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:44:30 Well, I'd like to talk about it, but my attorneys, I'm suing the estate for ripping off my idea, so I can't. I hope you didn't get the idea from the podcast. Well, you know, Garagos has done, I probably shouldn't say it, but he's done some due diligence, as he calls it. How fucking crazy was that, though? Purchased the island in 2011. Who did we have initially?
Starting point is 01:44:53 Shia LaBeouf was the lead. It was younger Shia LaBeouf. I think LaBeouf was in there. I think Jon Hamm was the dad. He gets taken down. Yeah, yeah. They crash landed. They have to survive on the island
Starting point is 01:45:06 i think one of the things that i found interesting is the island had broken off into pockets you know sort of different tribes yeah like when you do those escape from new york's or warrior type movies you know you run into you know the bear population you run into the an order population i don't even know what's going on anymore but they have the different populations you know, the bear population. You run into the otter population. I don't even know what's going on anymore. But they have the different populations, you know. It's on YouTube if anyone wants to listen to it. It really is your finest work. It's powerful.
Starting point is 01:45:33 Listen, I can't believe this whole remake culture we're in now, especially where they remake movies as TV shows. I can't believe they haven't redone Escape from New York. Well, yeah. And make it like Escape from New York. Well, they, yeah. And make it like, you can do Brooklyn. Oh, right. Instead of New York, just make it like, man, New York's falling apart.
Starting point is 01:45:52 Now we're putting all the criminals in Brooklyn. There's no way out. And just make that like a 12-episode TV series. It's basically The Purge, but better. Well, I mean, obviously they did Escape from L.A., which, man, is dated boy that's a tough one the special effects i didn't really like that one in the time no but escape from new york's iconic yeah well i got a movie so let's do it let's do it now and then we can talk about
Starting point is 01:46:17 uh uppity after okay the movie that i did that wasn't up. It's called PTS Drone. Not PTSD, but the D stands for drone. Got it. PTSD Drone. So we go into the future.
Starting point is 01:46:38 Now here's the move. It's 2027. I don't want to do that thing where it's the year is 40 40 because i'm already out we're dead my kids are dead their kids are dead everyone i know is dead i want to pick a time where you go wait a minute my son's gonna be 20 you know what i mean like we got to live in this world all right all these drones who are now being used by the military exclusively. I mean, we're kind of at the point now where we don't need boots on the ground.
Starting point is 01:47:10 We get drones. And the drones have artificial intelligence. And the drones, when we're done with the conflict, come back and they have PTSD. The drones have PTSD. The drones are scarred The drones are scarred. They're scarred. Amazon says, you know what? No one knows they have the PTSD.
Starting point is 01:47:32 It doesn't show, you know. Amazon hires the drones to do the deliveries. Now there's a whole fleet of domestic drones that have been hired by Amazon to drop off packages, but they start malfunctioning with the PTSD and shooting into the kitchen and going after people. And now we have this whole group of artificial intelligence, PTSD, military drones, and they're all going wild in the United States, and we can't control them.
Starting point is 01:48:04 We got one kid, and I think it's either... Shia LaBeouf? This is too old. Timothy... Timothée Chalamet. Chalamet. Oh, yeah. Him, him.
Starting point is 01:48:16 Chalamet. This guy was a championship Fortnite player, took everything until there was a big Fortnite scandal, and he was drummed out of the circuit, right? That's tough. Now he's back at home. He's eating cereal. His dad wants him to get a job.
Starting point is 01:48:33 Somebody's got to fight these drones. Yeah. Now, the only drones we have are the old school drones that don't have artificial intelligence, but someone's got to fly those drones. I mean, from an area, from a bunker, but someone physically needs to fly those drones. They don't fly themselves like the new ones do. There's only one kid who can do it. Chalamet. Chalamet, right. Or-
Starting point is 01:48:59 Who's Chalamet's dad who's overbearing and keeps telling him to get a job but doesn't realize Chalamet's saving the world? J.K. Simmons? Yeah, J.K. Simmons. A little too close to Whiplash? Yeah, yeah. Ham? What, do we have Ham in here? Yeah, Ham.
Starting point is 01:49:13 Ham's always gray the sides of his hair so he looks a little older. He comes in, divorced dad, got custody. Yeah. Kid was, you know, we see the room. When we first see him, we pan to all the trophies on the wall from all these, you know, all the battle. Now they have all these esports and everything. It's all that. And then we pan down to him just eating Froot Loops, you know, sitting on a futon because he's banned from the circuit.
Starting point is 01:49:39 Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, but now we have that thing where the military shows up. You know, the SUVs come pulling up. Who plays Bezos? Because I feel like at some point they have to go to Bezos and be like, hey, man, these drones thing, we got to stop the operation. Yeah, I think we get Cranston to shave his head. That's a big move.
Starting point is 01:50:00 I like that. He shaves his head, right? We have Cranston with a shaved head. He's Bezos. He's talking about how much money they could save using the military drones you know building the drones themselves he can get them for pennies on the dollar from the from the military it's surplus we don't they don't need them anymore and then someone has to do that thing where it's like well these are weapons of war yeah but we'll just rechip them they'll just put the new chip in
Starting point is 01:50:23 they'll be fine i don't like, I don't know. You need the scene where they go to Bezos and they tell him, look, everything has to stop. And he goes, nothing stops. Right. Right. I like that. You have to have that. I also have a better title for you.
Starting point is 01:50:39 The Droning. The Droning. Yeah. It's good. I like the PTS drone. You like PTS drone? Well, it's good. I like the PTS drone. You like PTS drone? Well, it's tough. I'd have to massage it a little bit.
Starting point is 01:50:49 But it's got to follow your rule that they have to say the title of the movie in dialogue during the movie. Yeah. So we have this scene where the blacked out Chevy Suburbans all pull up to the apartment with Ham answers the door.
Starting point is 01:51:05 He's wearing his boxer shorts. He's like, what? He's like, is your boy in there? Chevy Suburbans all pull up to the apartment with ham answers the door, you know, swearing his boxer shorts. He's like, what is your boy in there? It's like, what'd he do this time? So you in trouble. So you have that thing where now the military has to coax him into this one
Starting point is 01:51:16 last. And, you know, he, he says after he left the circuit, he'd never pick up another joystick. Some point they pull them to the bunker, you know, in Cheyenne Mountain, you know,
Starting point is 01:51:27 right inside the bunker, and he can run as a whole fleet on his... I think we need a voice. I think the drone... Morgan Freeman? Needs a voice. I was thinking that thing, but I was thinking a little more
Starting point is 01:51:39 Jaden Smith, like Will Smith's kids. Like a younger, sassy, urban kind of thing. Maybe somebody with a high social media profile. Yeah, talking back, you know, that kind of thing. Of course, we got to clear this all through China first. So you want to call this PTS Drone? Well, that's a working title.
Starting point is 01:51:57 That's a working title. I don't know how they say that in the dialogue, though. Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe we have it for the slug line. Maybe we do the droned, and then at the bottom, we go post-traumatic stress drone or something. That's at the bottom of the poster. Are you the most jealous of the purge of any movie that somebody actually made that we could have just thought of on a podcast really like i'm kind of mad we've spent so much time together over the
Starting point is 01:52:31 years i'm mad we didn't come up with that the sad part about all our 24 hours all crimes are are legal all the stupid ideas the problem with all the stupid ideas is i was when you sit around with the guy who makes it fast and furious and hobbs versus shaw and you go grand theft submarine that's where the summer the soviet sub pulls up to pebble beach and there's cars on the out on the lawn that are millions and millions of dollars and it's a former soviet sub and it's been commandeered by like some you know black market guys and they were going to load them all up and and he just sits there and goes yeah that would work right you can do that i'm like you're like under siege crossed with tin cup yeah that's right crossed
Starting point is 01:53:23 with toy soldiers that That's right. Yeah, I thought of, I didn't do this with you, but I did half-baked ideas with, Kevin Wilds used to come on my old podcast, and we'd do these ideas that were like halfway there, not totally there. And I had a whole idea about leap year, which is every four years.
Starting point is 01:53:40 Right. Every leap year, there's no, the police disappears for a day anything can happen well that yeah so i said that in 2013 then the purge happened in 2015 i have no idea if leap year affected the purge this is basically the same idea yeah i don't know if i should get the well i mean obviously as part of the lawsuit, you know, Epstein was probably listening, you know, he listens. I don't, I don't say he did it because of it,
Starting point is 01:54:09 but, uh, it seems that there's, there's things that indicate he may have. Um, can you talk about your new documentary? Oh yeah. Uppity.
Starting point is 01:54:18 It's on, uh, Netflix as we speak. Oh, we got three movies on Netflix. We have uppity, we have Shelby American, and we have The 24-Hour War,
Starting point is 01:54:28 which is Ford v. Ferrari. So speaking of movies we made that they then made, we made the documentary The 24-Hour War like four years ago. And then that Ford v. Ferrari. It's the same movie. And also we're working on Shelby,
Starting point is 01:54:44 who was Matt Damon's character. Uppity's Willie T. Ribs story, it's the first black driver at Indy. And it's just a crazy story. It's like a Jackie Robinson story that nobody knows about. It's that people know about a lot of integration. I watched it, I learned a lot. I didn't...
Starting point is 01:55:06 My memory of him was just like, oh, yeah, that was the one black guy that raced cars. Right. Other than that, I didn't remember anything. But, yeah, I mean, he was definitely a little more polarizing than I remembered. I didn't know anything about that world. The thing that was interesting about Willie T
Starting point is 01:55:22 is if you watch the doc, it's unclear. Is it racism or is it because he was just a dude that didn't play by the rules? He didn't get any shit. He just did his own thing. And that world is kind of a little buttoned down. Nobody would jump on the roof of their car and celebrate and do the Ali shuffle and stuff like that. We didn't do that. They didn't do that.
Starting point is 01:55:49 So some of the stuff is racism. And then some of the stuff is just, that's not the way we do things, regardless of the color of your skin. And we don't, you don't really know. You have to watch it and kind of see. It's also. He's also alive, which helps. He's also alive, which helps. Because you have a big interview with him in it. Yeah, he's also alive which helps he's also live which helps and you have a big interview with him in it yeah he's in fine form and he's just a great storyteller and he's a powerful
Starting point is 01:56:12 storyteller and we met him when we're doing winning the racing life of paul newman so we're doing the newman doc and when we're doing the the Newman doc, Willie was part of that story because Newman helped them get sponsorship to race in Trans Am. So we went out and interviewed Willie for the Newman doc. And then once we're done interviewing Willie for the Newman doc, we're like, this is our next doc. This guy, Willie T. Ribbs. Super interesting story. Well, it's on Netflix. I have to do the search uppity. It's up there. And you can go to chassis, C-H-A-S-S-Y.com and get all these things in Blu-ray with all the extras and all the Shelby stuff. And we have them all there. So we have a whole racing website.
Starting point is 01:56:58 All right. Now we've hit the point of the podcast. That's just for us, where we get to make fun of Mike August and and uh and jimmy i don't know where you want to start you want to start mike august yeah so you travel you've been doing way more stand-up and you mike august who uh is our longtime friend who used to work for uh with baby doll dixon our agent and then mysteriously stopped working for baby doll dicks and we're not we're still not sure what happened right now he's one of the guys that he's he's like your right hand guy he runs your whole podcast empire all that stuff and you guys travel together yes at dinner recently he told us he moved like an hour and a half away for a bigger house but then has an apartment here that he
Starting point is 01:57:43 shares with a couple roommates so he can do all his Corolla stuff. Yes. And then we spent most of the dinner talking about that, trying to get more information. I still don't feel satisfied. He bought a house in Yorba Linda. Right, Yorba Linda. Because his family wanted like a yard. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:57:59 He has to go back and forth all the time from here, the West Side, where I'm at, Glendale and everything else. Yorba Linda, his former condo was in Toluca Lake. So he rented it out, but he rented it out to people who don't mind him living there at the same time. So he's a guy in his early 50s, successful, who has roommates, but also a family in a different location. It's a lifetime movie with no drama. Yeah. It's a mother's nightmare.
Starting point is 01:58:35 That's not what it is. And Mike's greatest gift is eating almost everything all the time, just devouring food. Because I travel with him, and he just goes ballistic. And also misunderstanding almost every conversation you have with him. That's another one of his great traits. Definitely somebody who's not handling your business. And he drives like a maniac. He drives like an insane person.
Starting point is 01:59:16 And I'll give you a great Mike August driving like a maniac and misunderstanding what you're saying conversation it all be under one okay one umbrella we were doing a show in god minneapolis or something i can't remember the city we've been all over the country and mike like gets the rental car and we're like staying out somewhere in the sticks and it's like a 40 minute drive in and the whole time we're talking it's like show starts at eight we should roll into town at like seven we'll eat dinner and then we'll do the show because after the show everything's going to be closed and so mike's like all right well we'll leave at 6 30 we'll get to the tent we'll get there at seven
Starting point is 02:00:04 and then we'll eat dinner and then the shows today we'll do the show and i said okay that's good so i'll pile in the suv and mike's driving like a maniac as per usual mike has this thing where he doesn't think cops exist in other cities you know that thing where it's like oh i'm not gonna drive that way in la we got cops but i'll go to minneapolis or baltimore and drive like an where it's like, oh, I'm not going to drive that way in LA. We got cops, but I'll go to Minneapolis or Baltimore and drive like an asshole. It's like, yeah, they have their own cops. It's not like the LAPD goes to Baltimore. They just have their own cops. They hand out their own tickets over there. He drives like a maniac. And there's this dude that's driving in the left lane and he's just going like 59 miles an hour. And Mike's flipping the high beams at him.
Starting point is 02:00:46 Like, get over, get over, get over. And when you're in that left lane, what happened to us is the most satisfying thing that could ever happen. Mike eventually swings out to the right, gasses it, blasts past him, does the hard tuck right in front of him. Just hard, like sends a message, slides in front of him hard,
Starting point is 02:01:02 and then hauls us into the night right two minutes later we get lit up by the cops we're getting pulled over by the cops as the guy who's driving in the left lane is going past us now laughing because we just slapped his face oh it's tough as we're getting pulled over i'm Mike, you didn't have to drive like an asshole. He's like, God damn it. We're getting pulled over. And I, I'm in the passenger seat. I go, Mike, Mike, listen to me, listen to me.
Starting point is 02:01:31 It's, you know, cause now it's like six 47 or something. You know, I go, Mike, Mike, you're with Adam Carolla. We're going to town. Show starts at seven. Okay. We're running late. Show starts at seven. And he goes, show starts at seven and he goes show starts at eight and he looks back at the cop and i'm like of course i know the show starts at eight
Starting point is 02:01:53 i'm trying to get your ass out of a ticket you imbecile we talked about going there to eat five times oh god i got another great oh my god i got another great eating story the funniest part about that story is mike gets the $380 speeding ticket, but it has you staying at the Red Roof Inn for like $29. Oh, we only- He doesn't understand the math of that. He won't book a hotel unless it starts with the word airport. That's his thing.
Starting point is 02:02:20 It has to have airport in front, and then he'll consider booking us there. Yeah. I don't know. I think you have to be... I don't think Louis C.K. could travel the world with Mike. I think he'd be too upset. You guys are like an old married couple at this point.
Starting point is 02:02:43 I have a high tolerance for... I grew up with my buddies in a constant headlock, trying to pants me or give me a wedgie or eating stuff that had fur on it from the refrigerator from someone else's house that was seven days old. I'm good. I can do Mike. I don't think most people could handle it.
Starting point is 02:03:03 We got to make fun of Kim a little bit know, he's listening to this entire thing. Well, listen, I don't want to undo any goodwill because I had Huey Lewis on my podcast last week. Oh, my God. And, of course, the conversation turned to in praise of Kimmel. And so my stock is very high with Kimmel right now. You don't want to mess with that. I don't want to undo it. I got a nice email saying, you know, thanks for you and Huey.
Starting point is 02:03:38 I think you're playing this correctly. That's nice. But I'll go along with you. No, it's all right. I'm good. And also, if you're listening, like if Jimmy's listening, you have to understand, I suffer from RCS.
Starting point is 02:03:49 Like I have Restless Cock Syndrome. I don't sometimes think straightly. I don't speak correctly. The things that come out that I'm really not responsible for because I have this syndrome. Yeah. The RCS. But go ahead.
Starting point is 02:04:00 No, it's all right. I think you're right. We should just get a nice text. Thanks for all the nice words. He's a swell friend and a good human being. I concur. All right. We can listen to the Adam Carolla podcast.
Starting point is 02:04:15 How many days are you doing it? Four? Five days a week. Five days a week. Yeah. Just go to adamcarolla.com or podcast one or whatever. All right. Google it or something.
Starting point is 02:04:23 All right. A pleasure as always. Good to see you. All right. A pleasure as always. Good to see you. All right. Thanks to Jason Siegel. Thanks to Corolla. Thanks to ZipRecruiter. Don't forget about Rewatchables,
Starting point is 02:04:33 Book of Basketball, and Bachelor Party if you want to hear more of me this week. And why wouldn't you? Having a great week this week. And back on Thursday with a whole bunch of stuff.
Starting point is 02:04:42 We'll see you then.

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