The Bill Simmons Podcast - Jimmy Kimmel on Quarantine Nation, Shaq and Kobe and the Future Of TV. Plus: J.B. Smoove on a Long and Crazy Career | The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode Date: March 25, 2020

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by his pal Jimmy Kimmel to catch up and discuss self-quarantine life, the return of ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire,’ Jimmy hosting the Kobe Bryant memorial, Kobe memories, restaurants being affected by the coronavirus, Parent Corner, and more (2:27). Then Bill talks with actor, writer, and comedian J.B. Smoove about writing on ‘SNL,’ his audition for ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm,’ his comedic influences, being in New York for the inception of hip-hop, his favorite ‘Curb’ episode, doing roasts, his new comedy tour, and much more (52:37). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tonight's episode of the BS podcast is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. The best teams start with great talent. We can't watch best teams live right now, but we can watch them on NFL Network and NBA TV and all these other places. I watched a little 85 finals today, Celtics-Lakers. Two great teams, lots of great talent. No one knows the importance of talent more than ZipRecruiter, our presenting sponsor.

They deliver qualified candidates fast. So effective, four out of five reporters that post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com slash BS. We're also brought to you by theringer.com, where we're still cranking out content, including some office stuff this week. Remember that show, The Office? Kyle Mann did a video breaking down The Office basketball game. That's on our YouTube channel, which you should already subscribe to. But if you haven't, go check that out. We have a lot of great stuff there. And then the Ringer Podcast Network.

We're still putting out about 70% of the pods that we normally put out. But Ringer NFL, there's been some Ringer NBA, JJ Redickdick larry wilmer dave chang the big picture i was on that this week with sean fantasy to talk about the hunt a movie that i actually liked and about us moving into a whole on-demand era ringer dish is still going uh there's a slate of them the ones you follow go check out make sure they're not still publishing and go check them out in the spotify app because their app is awesome on On this podcast, I have a very special guest for Thursday's pod that I don't want to spoil. All right, fine. I'll spoil. It's Eddie Vedder and Jeff Ament from Pearl Jam. We've only been saying, but first our friends from Pearl Jam for four plus years of this podcast.

And now they're actually coming on the podcast. So I'll be throwing it to my friends twice. That's coming Thursday. Coming up right now, Jimmy Kimmel, we called him tonight, actually, Tuesday night, to see what's going on with him and his life and complain about our families and a whole bunch of things. And then JB Smooth, an interview that I taped a couple weeks ago, right before our offices got shut down, just had the last episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. So we're going to run that as well. First, our're taping this. It's 8.30 Tuesday night. This is the best time to get Jimmy Kimmel because not only is he doing all kinds of stuff for his show and other things,

but he's also taking care of his family. He's cooking, he's cleaning. What happened? How come you're doing everything? I don't know what happened. Everyone abandoned me. Everyone except for the children. I woke up at 6.30 this morning with my son, made him breakfast. My daughter came down and made her breakfast. We watched a little Spider-Man, the old Spider-Man from the 70s for about an hour and a half. Oh my god. Then I collected

material, wrote this video I do every day, recorded the video, recorded an interview for the video, cooked, made a chicken for dinner, beets and pasta for the kids, cleaned the whole room. Then I had

to go move my car out of the garage and it was dead, so I had to jump start that. I broke my toe. You broke your toe? Yes. My toe is a strange shade of purple right now. I'm pretty sure I broke it but I'm not going to go to the hospital

to have them checked. Is this the most time you've spent with your family? Because I think for me it is. This is the longest stretch I've had just as a unit, unbroken. The only thing comparable is when we go on a ski vacation and I don't ski and none of us ski. Right. You just sit in a lodge. But there's not as much housework.

What is it like to try to figure out how to have a show when you can't have a show? Cause you're doing these little mini logs. What, what's the destiny in this? Cause we might be locked down now for, you know, eight more weeks. Well, it's kind of, it really reminds me of more than anything at the beginning of my career when I would do a radio show and I had no staff every day. So I just kind of do it.

But even then, I had a radio station to go into and professional equipment to record on. And here I've been just talking into my iPad. Well, you and I, we're a little similar in that we have a lot of people that work with us. But we're also kind of off on our own in our office. And then people kind of pass through. So we're a little semi-quarantined, but not totally quarantined. People come in and out. Now it's like an official quarantine. But I still feel like 80% of my day isn't that different than what it was before, which has made me reevaluate my entire life, basically. Oh, see, mine is very different because now instead of people just popping into my office

and showing me a video and making edits and doing that like six times sometimes, sometimes 10 times, I have to download it. I have to look at it. I have to send back an email. I've got Slack going. I've got emails coming in. I've got something called Everlane that I look at. And then I'm broadcasting on Cisco. It's a whole thing. So you're basically, for your show, you're back

to the early days, the primitive days when we used to have to load video clips from that weird server instead of having YouTube to just go on places. All that stuff. I just realized I've been complaining for like eight minutes, which is a lot of fun, I'm sure, for people to listen to. But yeah, you know what? When Cousin Sal first moved to LA, Sal got his law degree and then started working as a real estate attorney. And I just couldn't imagine him working in an office.

So I convinced him to move to LA, and he moved into the room in our house that I used as my office, where I would record these syndicated sports comedy bits. And back then, you know, the modems were like 28.8, if you're lucky. And then I had an ISDN line installed, but it was a crapshoot sending out your minute and a half long

recorded comedy bit every day. So it would take hours sometimes to send it out. And Sal lived in that room and Sal and I would record these bits and send them to radio stations all around the country. And now I'm doing the same thing, except without Sal. I mean, when you launched the show that first year, and for people out there, I don't know if everyone knows that I worked for you the first year plus of the show.

We didn't even have wireless computers and stuff. So I remember going off to write jokes, and I would write in a notepad and then come in and then type the jokes into my computer to send them to you. Versus just like, I mean, nowadays, you would just go outside with your iPhone, right? And write jokes in a dock and then just mail them away. It was so much more primitive. Well, yeah, it's funny because one thing that you always say is that I invented using the laptop in the toilet.

You did. And now it's very common. In fact, if you were to go on my Instagram account and check my likes, you can track my vowel movements because that's pretty much the only time that I'm on Instagram. If you see a heart, that means something bad has happened in my house. But I wonder how we would handle this. I guess we would have, I don't know. I guess we would have to go in in the same way that news people have to go in. But I don't think anybody would be happy about it.

I do feel like you were the Jackie Robinson of taking your laptop into the computer and working while you were in there. Because you had a toilet in your office and you had work Wi-Fi, but now everybody has wireless. I wonder like, as I'm doing my job from home and talking to all these people that, you know, I don't know,

I'm talking to bosses or different people in the whole world I'm in and you can hear a dog barking in the background or you can hear water running. And odds are I've talked to somebody who was probably going to the bathroom

and not telling me, right? Because you could do it. You could mute the TV or mute the phone. I'm sure you've talked to me in that situation many times. You would tell me though. The only privacy I get at the office is in the bathroom. So if I have a private call, I will go in the bathroom. So I'm sure you and I have spoken many times from that room.

Well, our country, as we slowly start to lock things down, the first person either of us knew who did a self-quarantine was our agent, baby doll James Dixon, who was the first person any of us knew who was scared of the coronavirus and was saying, I'm 57 years old. I'm a smoker. I'm in the demo. This thing's coming for me. I'm not seeing anybody and self-quarantine himself, which we thought for at least a week was his excuse not to work. But now it turned out he was ahead of his time. Yeah. He was paranoid. Now he's calmed down for reasons unknown. But I did say to him, I was like, baby doll,

why are you quarantined? Why are you so panicked? He's like, I am, you know, I'm worried. I'm going to get this and I'm going to die. I said, well, why are you not worried about the fact that you smoke three packs of cigarettes a day and you're going to die? I mean, a lot more people are still dying from that.

He's like, he's telling you he's worried he's going to die as he's smoking a Marlboro Red. He's unbelievable. And then I got a text from Carson Daly's wife. Now, Carson Daly

lives on Babydoll's block and his wife texts me and she is very pregnant, like any day now pregnant oh no she went out went out for a social distance walk with her friends and baby almost hit hit the group of them in his car yeah he didn't stop and didn't acknowledge now carson is his client by the way did not stop and didn't acknowledge until i texted him, uh, busting his balls. And then he's like, Oh, sorry, baby. I, I, uh, I didn't see you there. I asked him if he had enough cigarettes and he said, I'm fine, baby. I don't know. I don't know if he orders them online or if he just goes to, where does he go? What does he go to like Costco?

I don't even know where he would buy them in bulk. No, he doesn't do anything. Like you know, he goes through a bottle of cologne every week. And you would think that he'd maybe do a little price shopping on Amazon or whatever. Who knows? Even Costco to get a lot of cologne. But no, he buys them at a liquor store. He likes to go in the liquor store. He knows everyone there by name. He gives them Christmas gifts.

What alcoholic, what non-alcoholic gives his liquor store guy a Christmas gift? By the way, you know what he gave the guy? He told me, and this is God's honest truth, the guy at the liquor store, what do you think he gave him? Russian guy. Probably like a hundred bucks? No, bottle of vodka. He probably bought it there and handed it back to him.

He just gave it back to him? Oh my God. Well, we were going nuts because he was supposed to fly out. You were taping Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? And this was about a week before everything started shutting down. And he was basically making up excuses and then finally just admitted, I don't want to fly out. But then you found out that Jon Stewart had another thing that he actually was flying with Jon Stewart because it was private. It wasn't a commercial thing. And then Sal wanted to greet them at the private jet with somebody who was coughing, which we thought was just a torture. It all seems hilarious now. Now

it's such darker times. These were the times when we actually were joking about the coronavirus, not knowing what was coming. Yeah, I know. It's funny. Well, the scary thing is I think about that a lot. And I think like, well, are we going to look back in two weeks on today and go, even with this podcast, I'm trying to figure out, you go through this stage of like, do people even want to hear a podcast? And if they do, do they just want to hear us be depressing the whole time? Or do they want us to take their minds off things for 20 minutes?

So I've kind of moved into the, I'm just kind of here to take people's mind off stuff for an hour or whatever. Right. I decided I'm going to depress people for an hour a day. That's my thing. I don't know. To me, like there's nothing anyone else is talking about. I went to the supermarket the other day.

I was like, all right, we have to have some milk. So I go on this adventure. I'm wearing my grilling gloves, big orange gloves. Now, these gloves are not meant for any place other than the yard, and they are bright orange. And I go into the supermarket with these grilling gloves on, and I go to the butcher, and there's this woman. She's got a mask on. She looks sickly, but I don't know. She's touching every sandwich. She's picking up every sandwich and looking at it to see, I don't know what's in it or how much it costs or whatever. I'm going just berserk standing behind her.

Then she finally leaves and I order a chicken from the butcher and he hands me the chicken and he goes, hey, I just want to tell you, this is the funniest thing. I was like, and I thought he was talking about the show or he's like that. I said, what is? He goes, your gloves. It's the funniest thing I've seen in a week. I'm glad I amused you. I'm not just in the house spreading mirth.

I'm getting out there, really. My wife went to the grocery store two days ago and she found this earthquake kit we had. Everybody buys those earthquake kits. So she has it and she's like, because we don't have any masks. All the masks are gone. And she's like, hey, do you think I should open this earthquake kit to get the mask and the gloves out?

And I'm like, yeah, I do. Like, what do we have an earthquake kit for? It's for an emergency. I think this qualifies as an emergency. So anyway, she put that stuff on. Pretty sure I gave you that earthquake kit, right? I think you probably did. I think it was a Christmas gift.

You gave everyone earthquake kits. It was a great gift. This is my Christmas cheer. Yeah. Yeah, she went out and like we had watched Contagion because we did a rewatchables about Contagion

like three weeks ago. And now it's like it's turned into Contagion. Like people are just leaving their house dressed like, you know, like they're in a CDC clinic or something. Doesn't it make sense, though, that somehow Matt Damon would be responsible for this in some way? Right. That he was in Contagion. Yeah, it's a good point. I didn't even think of that. Where is Matt Damon? Matt Damon, is he in this country or in another country? Or we don't even know. Very interesting.

It's like Hunter Biden. Where is he? Interesting that we haven't heard from him. I think he's out of the country. Yeah, and if you're out of the country, how do you get back? Can you even get back in at this point? I hope not.

I guess if you're flying from Europe, you can't. Tell me about who wants to be a millionaire because my kids are really excited about this. Well, we shot it right. I think we shot it right at the end of anyone shooting anything and we had no studio audience. So it was just me. And luckily the chairs are a good distance apart

because it turned out Andy Cohen was one of the contestants. Oh my God. Coronavirus. Yeah. Yeah. So he was a contestant on the show and, uh,

you know, we, we were, we maybe ghost elbowed, but, uh, I didn't shake his hand or anything like that, but,

uh, uh, he seems to be doing okay, I guess. So I'm sure people, it hits them with different degrees of severity, but that was a little weird. But we had a great time though. It was fun, even without the audience.

I mean, I think it would have been really great with the audience there, but even without the audience, it's a fun show to be in the middle of. I'm glad. I thought it was really smart to bring it back. I remember 2000, it was I think the year before I got to ESPN, and it became like a phenomenon that summer.

And I remember putting everything in my comms. I remember all the people in it. And then ABC just like quadrupled down on it, and it was on all the time. And they kind of, they, they kind of burned it out a little bit, but now it's been, you know, I know it's been syndicated. I know they brought it back in a bunch of ways, but it does feel like it's been a long time since it was on and I'm ready to watch it again. It's been 20 years since it was on in prime time. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And I remember the irony of it was

I think they passed on Survivor. Remember like Lloyd Braun brought them Survivor or Michael Davies? No, Burnett brought them Survivor and they ended up passing on it and then Survivor

went head to head against Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and kind of derailed the momentum of some of it. It was the old whoops, we shouldn't have let that one get away coming back to haunt them.

But I think it's, I'm still a game show to me or like horror movies or all these different genres that they're never going to die. They're always going to circle back and have moments every couple of years, you know, and it just feels like we're ready for a game show to kind of become relevant again. I guess we'll find out.

All these game shows do well on ABC, Family Feud and every Saturday edition of everything. But it was fun. I had Hannibal Buress was one of the contestants on the show. Yeah. And it was, I can't even explain it. It was one of the strangest... I know people over and misuse the word surreal,

but we really took a journey into his brain that had no place on who wants to be a millionaire. And yet it was unbelievably fascinating and hilarious. It was... Some of the comedians on the show were really, really funny. Any athletes or no? Let's see. I should have come up with a list.

Any athletes? You should have had an athlete because as you know, there could have been some inherent comedy. You mean besides myself, yes? Yeah, yeah. There could have been some unintentional athlete comedy coming out of that.

Like a Rob Gronkowski? Yeah. No, we didn't have Rob Gronkowski. Maybe the next time around. We actually had to cut it short today, so we didn't get to everybody that we were planning to put on the show. Well, so you launched your show January 2003. And I think The Bachelor launches when? Maybe within a year? 2004?

Well, wasn't it The Bachelor wasn't it The Bachelorette first or was it The Bachelor? No, it was The Bachelor first. It was that guy Alex Michelle and Very soon afterwards. And somehow The Bachelor feels like it's as big as ever and it's been around almost

20 years at this point. Yeah, it is. It's still huge. And it gets a good rating, but the amount of people talking about it is... You have to believe that there are a lot more people watching than there seem to be. Either that or I just know everyone who's watching. Yeah, or people who at least know what's going on and can fake it to some degree. Can we talk about, let's make this depressing again. Can we talk about the Kobe Memorial, which you hosted? That whole, which now that seems like

that was a million years ago. And you think about how distraught, destroyed LA was there for four or five weeks. Isn't it crazy? Yeah. So you get asked to host that. And then how does that,

how many days before the memorial service do you know you're doing it? And who asked you to do it? Vanessa asked me to do it through the Lakers, through Linda Rambis. Uh, I said yes, immediately. Not until the day before did I realize it was going to be on television. Oh, really? Because I don't read the, like, I don't read the entirety of emails sometimes.

And, um, somebody said like, Hey, uh, you know, uh, do you want to, you know, send the grooming along? I was like, uh, no, I don't need it. And they're like, well, do you want to send the grooming along? I was like, no, I don't need it. And they're like, well, it's going to be on TV. I said, oh, really? I didn't know that. But yeah, I didn't know it was going to be on TV. And it was very moving.

And I think just seeing his kids sitting there was really, that was tough. Seeing his wife and kids standing on the stage and looking at them was very difficult. I was, it was something that never occurred to me, but he was on your show, what? 18, you did the memorial show for him. He was on the show, I think, 18 times or 17 times? 17 times on our show. And then there were many other events that I, in which I interviewed him or did things with him outside of the show. Yeah. Cause when you think about it, you launched a show January, 2003,

there's still the three-time defending champs at that point. And then he plays for another 13 years. I remember out of all the appearances he had, I remember the one, one of the years he won when he brought Adam Morrison on. Oh yeah. Remember that? And, and everybody just started kind of making fun of Adam Morrison and his reactions, but he had all his teammates out there and he really was like the dad. It wasn't like a team. It was like watching a dad with his 12 sons and all them were like, weren't sure when to speak. And Kobe was just orchest the court, but personality-wise. Morrison, you know, it's fun when you get a group of players like that. And first of all, they're all in a great mood. But when you hit on something that, or especially you hit on a person that they've been making fun of the whole year long, and it just suddenly rings a bell with them and they all start

dying laughing. And that's basically what happened to poor Adam Morrison. Well, you were the first person who fully realized how funny Shaq was because Shaq was still, you know, he was trying to do Kazam. He was trying to be a rapper. He was trying to be like a spokesman

and it wasn't totally hitting. Like he definitely had a personality, but it was hard to really totally see what it was. And you were, I remember when I got to know you and you were like, Shaq is the funniest fucking guy. He offered, you did a roast and he offered his cousin $50,000 to take a shit in the stage. Not only that, he offered his cousin $250,000 to shit on the stage while he was a guest on Letterman. No, you know what?

The $50,000 was for the Queen Latifah show. He was a guest on the Queen Latifah show. I noticed something about him because I saw something where he was on video goofing around. I was like, wow, he seems to have a good personality. And then I'd see him in interviews and he's always like this. Right.

And I figured it out. I said, oh, I know what this is. He doesn't want to be Charles Barkley where everyone gathers around him on any subject. He doesn't want to spend his whole life talking to these guys. So he's learned that if he gives them nothing, it's kind of like when you walk out of a restaurant half drunk and the cameras from TMZ are there. You could say like, hey, leave me alone, guys. Or you could just not say anything. If you don't say anything, they don't really have anything to show. So you keep quiet. I think that was Shaq's philosophy.

And then over the years when, you know, suddenly basketball wasn't his primary thing anymore. He revealed himself to be, but he's hilarious. I mean, I went into a hotel with Shaq once across the street where I don't, we're doing some prank on somebody.

And the two of us are walking through the hotel, the one, the one right across the street from the show. And he, people us are walking through the hotel, the one right across the street from the show. And people were like, oh my God, of course, you can't miss him. And he told everyone that he just bought the hotel. And all the employees were like, oh my God, this is great. Well, and they're introducing themselves and their positions. I also drove them over there. And at the time I had like a, a BMW SUV and, uh,

you know, you know, decent sized car, but he couldn't fit in the front seat. He had to sit, lay across the back seat. So I drove like I was a chauffeur. Yeah. I, I remember you telling me he was

funny and not believing it because of what you said about how he would go on autopilot in these interviews. But since then he's talked about it. And it was the reason you said, it's like the Bill Belichick thing where you're just like, I'm just going to not give you guys anything. And you kind of, eventually everybody just gives up and then your life is peaceful from that point on with the press. It is really smart. Have you been roped in by the TMZ guys? You're usually good with that. Well, when they try to, hey, Jimmy, what do you think about blah, blah, blah? And you just kind of keep your head down and keep walking. You know, the idea that some of the topics are so random,

it just makes me laugh. It's like, sometimes they'll inform me that someone died. Like, oh, this is a nice way to find this out. Take it with the camera. By the way, speaking of somebody dying and really being overlooked, how about Kenny Rogers? I mean, Kenny Rogers. I felt like six hours went by before I learned that he'd passed away.

It's tough. Any celebrity that dies right now has the worst timing. You know, if it was like an average week, I think the Kenny Rogers would have been a two-day story. If I was a member of Kenny's family, I would have just said he died of the coronavirus because then it would have been a huge,

he would have got, I don't know who's doing his PR right now. They could have done a better job, but Kenny Rogers was the greatest. I mean, he was a huge star. He's right there. And we are the world.

I think he's one of the only country singers in the, well, I guess he was kind of a pop singer, but yeah, he really was. He the, well, I guess he was kind of a pop singer, but yeah, he really was. He also, um, he was the first celebrity I remember who just couldn't decide what weight he

wanted to be. He would get, he would get super fat and then he would have like liposuction and be super skinny again. And then he was never like a, he was never in between the two sizes, him and Luther Vandross. I thought were the two like that.

When you have a beard, I think that's... I think it's either more common or it's easier to manage because you can hide 15 pounds behind a beard, especially if you're just being shot from the neck up. I watched The Way Back last night with Affleck, and Affleck

actually looks like he loses weight as the movie goes along. Cause he has the beard and you have no idea how big he is in the movie, but he's, he's pretty gigantic in the first half hour. And then by the end he leans out. I forgot to ask you about Shaq. Were you surprised that the Shaq Kobe thing, um, that Shaq had that much affection for Kobe? Cause it didn't seem like they had, it didn't seem like they talked that much, but it seemed like they had such a bond. I just didn't really know about that

as much as it came out. Well, you know how that goes. You don't have to talk to somebody that much, especially with somebody you've known for a long time to have a bond. And I also think that when they're, when deep down you do like someone or love someone, but a lot of your relationship is contentious, that it can hit you pretty hard when you realize like, oh, there's nothing I can do now to make that right. Can't fix it.

But one of the most fun things to watch is when they sat down and talked to each other. Oh, on NBA TV? Yeah. Yeah. Fascinating. Well, I remember you hosted something for Kobe. It was at that little place next to the Staples. You had a night with Kobe Bryant.

I'm going to say it was like 2012 or 13. And that was right around the time when Kobe was really trying to, I think he was more conscious of his legacy than maybe he was earlier in his thing. And he was really trying to reach out and become more of a personality and connect with people in a bunch of different ways. And I remember going, I went to that to see you guys and hung out with him. And, and he just seemed like he was really at peace with whoever he ended up being in the 2013 range. And I think that happened to Shaq too, along the way. I think Shaq always had, you know, he, he was always a famous dude.

He was always great at what he did. But I watched Shaq the last 10 years. Like he's one of the biggest spokesmen we have. I don't know if I ever would have predicted that. And he's actually really good on the inside the NBA show now, you know? I bet his Q score, you know, that thing they do where they measure. It's got to be huge. He's got to be right up there with Oprah.

Oh yeah. Like if somebody said, I fucking hate Shaq, you'd be like, what? Like you'd be like completely stunned. Where, at the Kobe Memorial, where were all the celebrities, like where did they put everybody before the event? And was there like a room for people? What was it like? Um,

I, I had a room, but, um, I'm really not sure. I think they have so many rooms there that I think everybody's just congregated. I'm not entirely sure where everyone was because I walked out. A lot of people were already seated.

Was LeBron there or he wasn't there? He was not there. Yeah, because then there are people like, no, no, he was there in a switcher, but he definitely wasn't there. I don't know. That was a weird story. He definitely wasn't there,

but I definitely didn't see him, and he's hard to miss. Yeah. Can we talk about our cousin Sal? Sure. Have you ever been more concerned about him, his mental state, and just what he's doing day to day than right now?

Because he's never been able to not gamble for really the last 35 years. Do you really think he's not gambling? He's not found something to bet on? I mean, he's probably got his kids fighting each other in the basement. Like human cock fights? Yes.

I just I think it's you know when somebody like has an abuse problem and they hide it from people who care about them. I do wonder if there's a world where he's gambling on like eSports but doesn't want to tell me. Like he's world where he's gambling on like e-sports, but doesn't want to tell me like he's embarrassed.

And he's, he's like, uh, I don't know, Twitch, but on some Twitch gambling site, watching 13 year olds play NBA 2k and betting on the outcomes. I just can't imagine him shutting it off.

Don't even say that because he, if he isn't doing that, the only reason he isn't is because he never thought of it before because he doesn't know what Twitch is. He seemed disappointed that they weren't going to have Lock It In for a while because he was like, well, we tried an episode and it's like, there's nothing to gamble about. What are you guys going to talk about?

Just play Monopoly for an hour and bet on who wins? They could just insult each other for an hour. That might be fun to watch. Well, you know, I would watch Sal insult anybody. You know, when things are going well and you're starting, you have chemistry with your co-stars and, you know, you're enjoying talking to them and getting into it. You know, Sal, he loves the action.

He can't live without it. I think you're right. I think he's figured out a way to bet on his kids in all these different random ways, would be my guess. Hey, are you as concerned as I am about the restaurant industry? Because there's all these different things happening right now. We've been getting takeout the last few days just to try to support a couple of the places around here. But I do, when you think about all the fallout of all these different terrible things

that could happen, sports can come back. Eventually, airplanes can come back, all this stuff. But restaurants, there's a point, restaurants, bars, certain retail stores, places like that, there's just a point where they can't stay open anymore. You know a lot of these chefs. What are you hearing? It's grim. It's very bleak.

And these guys are devastated because a lot of them have had to close and most of them have had to lay off 95% of their staff. And these are people that they work with every day. They're friends, they're family members, they're very close to these people. And I do hope that... I mean, thank God people are delivering food. I personally have had a hard time getting... I think if people in the restaurant industry are looking for a job, maybe driving the food is a good way to go because I haven't been able to order food to my house the last four times I've tried. They can't find a driver. Oh, interesting.

One thing I did though that... Because there are restaurants I go to a lot. I know the people that work there. And if you can, if you're in a position, and I know most people aren't, but if you're in a position that you can, I went and bought a whole bunch of gift certificates that I'll use when things aren't so rough anymore. And that's a good way of helping to float your local neighborhood restaurants. Do you think all this is leading to the most terrible version of the We Are The World video we've ever had to do this? Like the Gal Gadot, whatever that Imagine thing was, I felt like that was the tip of the iceberg from the unintentional comedy standpoint.

I don't know where it goes going forward, but it does feel like we could have something really magnificent here from a celebrity standpoint. I don't know where it goes going forward, but it does feel like we could have something really magnificent here from a celebrity standpoint. I think it also happens to be like some anniversary, like maybe the 45th anniversary or something of We Are The World. Yeah, 35th. 35th, yeah. Yeah, I have heard rumblings that somebody's looking into getting that going. Rumblings? I don't know. It seems like celebrity singing is not a great idea right now. I mean, unless they're singers.

Did you ever get, you're good friends with Huey Lewis, did you ever get any stories from the We Are The World shoot? Oh, yeah. Huey's got great stories about that. I you ever get any stories from the We Are The World shoot? Oh, yeah. Huey's got great stories about that. I have to get him on a podcast at some point. It was basically every relevant musical artist in 1985. Was that that thing? You know, they had to teach Bob Dylan his part.

Yeah, he's got great stories about that. And he was like one line, too. He had a couple lines. Yeah, Bob had, I could do the whole song and everyone's voices for you, but I don't want to be the next Imagine video. With Stephen, I won't last. It's true, we've made a great day.

It's you and me. It was like he was intentionally trying to not sing the melody. It was like he was intentionally trying to not sing the melody. It was like, fuck you, Michael Jackson. I'm not going to do it. Well, and then the Dan Aykroyd thing has just never been explained. I Google it maybe once every five years, hoping that there will finally be an explanation.

Never. That's okay. I'm okay with that one. I mean, he was in the Blues Brothers. To me, the Blues Brothers, from my age, I think you're a little young for it, but the Blues Brothers. What are you talking about? We're the same age. Or you're like a year older than me. Yeah, I'm 52, but I don't know. To me, the Blues Brothers were a huge, I had all their albums. They were like a musical group to me. All right. I'll concede. I also love the Blues Brothers, but if it's Dan Aykroyd

and he's there because of the Blues Brothers, then wouldn't he have had to dress like a Blues Brother to have that make sense? He should have just been Elwood Blues. Yeah, well, maybe there was some wardrobe deficiencies. Maybe he forgot his outfit. But wouldn't he? How much fun would we have made of him if he was dressed as Elwood?

I think everybody else probably would have been pretty like, what the fuck's going on with this guy? It's funny though, when you watch that video, some of the people that got prime parts, if you had to do it over again, would not have gotten like Paul Young, who was pretty big there for a couple years. But now when you look back, it's like my kids have no idea who that is. If you go through, they'll know this person, this person. But Paul Young's pretty early in the song. And they kind of probably wasted

a spot in retrospect. I don't think they wanted to follow Ray Charles with Paul Young, probably. Yeah, that's a good one. How about the fact that here's another thing I noticed when I was at the supermarket. Everyone's dressed like Michael Jackson now. Right. I mean, he really wasn't ahead of his time.

People have got the thing around their face and the gloves and they're moonwalking. The whole thing. Are you worried about Corolla? The Corolla virus? The Corolla virus. Yes, of course I'm worried about Corolla.

And I'll tell you why. As you recall, Adam, about 18 months ago, decided to stop bathing altogether, right? Yeah. And do you remember what the result of that was? Didn't he get like a staph infection? He got pink eye. And yeah, he almost went blind. He doesn't open his eyes that much as it is.

If he went blind, he had a real problem for his race career. Yeah. real problem for his race career. Right. Yeah, he's, you know, hygiene is not up there at the top of, on his to-do list. It really isn't. And I don't know if you know this, but he jumps into a freezing cold pool every day with his son. He forces his son to do this too. And he believes it somehow gives him vitality. But I believe that the real reason he does it is number one, to get out of bathing. And number two, it's an excuse to not heat the pool.

Oh, because he's cheap. He is the cheapest person who always tells people how rich he is that I've ever met. He's never had more than $3 in his pocket. At any time. All right. So you, are you going back to doing your show next week? That's happening? I'm not going back to the studio.

No, I'll keep doing from home. Perhaps we'll expand it a bit. Oh, I thought you were expanding it, maybe having guests and stuff and like blowing it out a little bit. I have been having guests, but by you were expanding it, maybe having guests and stuff. And like blowing it out a little bit. I have been having guests, but by remote, you know, I won't have in-person guests, but we'll video chat people in. Oh, but I thought you were like blowing it out though and almost making it like a full show.

That's not, I had bad information. You know, it's funny. I started doing like six minutes and today's was like 20 something. You know how it gets. You get on a roll and you start talking. I had Dave Matthews on today and we talked for a while and then he sang and I did some jokes. Next week, it'll be more structured. Next week, we'll be back on television, I think. Oh, that's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, because you really for the last 17 years other than the writer's strike in 08, but even then you

took a few weeks off and then came back. But for the most part, you've been on TV pretty much consistently now for 17 years. So it's weird to just all of a sudden not be on TV. Do you ever feel like this might be the end of TV? This incident, this time here.

I was saying I was on fantasy's podcast talking about this new on demand thing like Affleck's movie, the way back came out last night. Um, or it came out today actually for 1999. I didn't go see that in the theater, but I would have immediately on demanded it. or it came out today actually for 1999. I didn't go see that in the theater, but I would have immediately on demanded it. And I was wondering if it's going to completely reshape the movie industry and basically just bypass the theaters and people would only go to the theaters for star Wars, comic book movies,

things like that. And I think the same thing with TV, whenever you have something massive like this, it does tend to have repercussions and kind of alter how people do stuff. Like with the NBA, it might, you know, let's say the NBA comes back July, August, and that's the playoffs.

And they're like, wait, this is cool. There's no football. Our ratings are actually higher than we thought. This should just be the new schedule. And then we have that going forward because we saw that happen with the writer's strike when they would make 500 pilots a year and then all of a sudden they're making 100.

And they were like, let's just do it this way. So what do you think happens to TV? I just think that people have, you know, the late night shows, various mediums like the other night that DJ Nice was on Instagram, right?

And everyone started texting me like, oh, you've got to watch this. You've got to listen to this. You've got to get on. And like, you know, they're playing new edition. You would love this. It's weird. People that I don't even hear from that much were specifically telling me I should be watching this. And it occurred to me that if I was getting six text messages about something like this, that there must be millions of people watching.

And the idea that millions of people are tuning in to watch a guy play records and dance along like dance along with it. It's pretty great and pretty unusual. Right. He's not like he's a household name either. And I just think that, that this is going to become the way things go. And it's interesting how many people like, you know, of course people like to say stuff, but people like, Oh, I love that. I like this. You doing this from your house better than, you know, doing it from the studio people like, you know, of course, people like to say stuff, but people like, oh, I love that. I like this.

You doing this from your house better than, you know, doing it from the studio. And, you know, if enough people feel like that, who's going to pay for a studio? You know, who's going to pay for all this? Well, one thing I was thinking watching CNN and they would have these experts who can't come in the studio and they're on video that's just basically looks like the Zoom thing we're shooting right now for this podcast. And guess what? It's fine. You know, it's like, I'm not watching it going, oh, I don't know if I can watch this. The video stream's not good enough or the picture's not clear enough. It made me think like the YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, Instagram era has dropped our standards anyway with video resolution and just what we're used to seeing. And so for something like your show, maybe the future of that show isn't the structured guests coming out, everything looking awesome.

Maybe you could experiment more and just have guests popping in for two, three minutes from all over the place. And it's just way more unpredictable and weird. I don't know. It's similar, I think, in a way to what happened to FM radio once podcasts and, of course, streaming music became a thing. I was in radio for 12 years and there was a way we did it. The highest ad rate was from 6 to 10 AM in the morning. The biggest show was on at 6 to 10 AM in the morning. You always had your personalities. That's where all the talking happened. The music kicked in at 10 AM while people were at work. Um, there was, you know, certain like 13 minutes of commercials per hour, four breaks per hour. It's just how it went. And then all of a sudden, podcasts come along and it's like, I'm going to talk for as long as I feel like talking.

Every once in a while, I'll mention a product and I'll do it in an organic way. And it's just so totally different from... There's a way things are done and people keep doing things the way they are done until something forces them not to or teaches them not to. And in this case, maybe we just all suddenly learned at once that there's a different way to do things. Yeah. You could even do like Wednesdays. You just do the show from where you are right now. Who knows? Or like on Thursdays, I could complain about my toe for 40 minutes.

That would just be Adam Carolla's podcast. You can't do that. If it's just you complaining about one thing for 40 minutes, he's already claimed that territory. Yeah, I don't know. I'm really, you know, it's hard to find any silver linings with all the terrible stuff that's happening these days. But I don't know. I'm a generally optimistic person. Here's a silver lining. Yeah. I'm giving my maid a raise 100% when she comes back because I had no idea what this poor woman is dealing with.

And also, we need to keep eating out I don't know if that's a silver lining but I think it's important what was it, World War II they called it the baby boom when all the soldiers came back from war and there's just a whole bunch of babies I wonder if this would be the corona divorce boom

all these couples that were forced to spend all this time together and there's just going to be a skyrocketing divorce by the time this is over. Could happen. I think it will happen. And not just because of spending a lot of time together. And I think also there'll be a baby boom, uh, as well, but I think that for me, when I got divorced, it was not, I made that decision not long after 9-11. And it was part of just kind of a realization that life is not long. Yeah. You should try to enjoy it. There you go.

This is a good way to end the interview. End of the podcast. Do we do a parent's corner or do you want to... Oh, let's do it. You want to do a parent's corner? Let's go. You do it. Go. Well, my son especially is either dressed as

Spider-Man or naked all the time. And, you know, we like him to put on some pants. So I said to him, I was like, hey, buddy, come on. You got to put some pants in. He goes, I don't need pants. All I need is my penis. There's a lot of good stuff going on that's right

well what's what's his exact age right now two like two two and a half three three on April 21st I think

two and a half to three is when little boys become like comedic geniuses for about like nine months oh he is funny yeah he is everything is funny and he he he is. Everything is funny. And he yells at me.

He's like, you're being rude. I'm not being rude. I'm being your father. My parent corner, the biggest drama in my house right now is when my daughter gets to see her boyfriend again. This is now like... Same here, except my daughter's five.

She sleeps. again. This is now like... Same here, except my daughter's five. She brings a picture of him down to breakfast every morning. It's framed. And she carries it downstairs and sits and eats breakfast with her boyfriend. And then it goes on her bed stand. Ah, that's nice. Well, mine has been...

He's got a boyfriend, huh? Oh, for like eight months. They haven't seen each other mine has been he's got a boyfriend huh oh for like eight months and um they haven't seen each other for almost two weeks and like every day Trump is giving

his press conference with whoever the uh whoever the virus experts are and then around six o'clock I have to give my press conference

when she starts badgering me with questions do you think I'm gonna be able to see Colin this week and it's just the same beats over and over again. And so I don't know. I'm going to end up getting the coronavirus from my daughter and her

boyfriend. One of them is going to give it to the other and then I'll die. That's how this is going to go, I think. Wouldn't that be an extra kick in the balls? I mean, really. I said that to her. I said, look, you could see him, But imagine if I died Because you had to see your boyfriend

And And I could see her wheels turning And she was calculating the risk And that scared me more than anything She was like Ah Yeah she's like Trump

She's figuring out Who's gonna Who's gonna survive Hey You know what you should show her And you really should do this And I know you will do this Yeah

Show her the movie Boy in the Plastic Bubble with Travolta oh yeah that's a good one maybe get her a bubble maybe that's the way to go or get him a bubble get one of them a bubble I mean the conversations we have these days just would have been inconceivable

a month ago right where she's going look he's been quarantined for exactly as long as I have this This is an actual Senate said in my house. So I don't know. We'll see how it plays out. All right. Say hi to everybody in the Kimmel family. One last question. Are you growing a Larry Bird mustache right now? What's going on there? No, I just haven't shaved. I have a lot of weight, whatever. Now, listen, nobody could grow a Larry Bird mustache. There's only one person. Well, it looks like you're halfway there. No, thank you. Jimmy, thanks for coming on as always.

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who are working from home. I need better tools. I could schedule my free product tour right now and receive my free guide, six ways to run a more profitable business at netsuite.com slash BS. Go there, check it out, netsuite.com slash BS. All right, we're going to throw to JB Smooth in one second. I really enjoyed this season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I would say the PR of the show is in the high 20s. I don't think it was in the 30s, like a vintage season, but it was definitely in the high 20s. J.B. Smoove was a big part of that. I had no idea about a lot of his backstory, so I learned a lot from this one. Here's that interview right now. J.B. Smoove is here. I don't know. We've never, I'm pretty sure we've never done this before. There might've been some time at ESPN years ago that I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure we've never done this before. There might have been some time at ESPN years ago that I don't remember, but I'm 99.9% sure this never happened. Not a one-on-one. Not a one-on-one.

We've definitely met. One-on-one is different. It's kind of like sometimes iconic characters get somehow to go one-on-one. And I use the basketball analogy. Now, it depends what kind of game it is, but the two individuals, when they go one-on-one, they got to have,

they both have to have game. You got to have game. We can't put anybody on the court with each other. You know, some people are just not, they're not versatile enough to be on the court

with the other person. But sometimes these two minds have got to meet at some point on the court. We've circled each other for a long time. We circle each other sometimes.

It's like two boxers in the same weight class who just never want to do it. Two southpaws going around in circles. Just going in circles. We're both from Philly. Just waiting for one open spot to throw a punch. And the crowd's going, boo! Hit him! Somebody do something!

And thus, that's when the UFC was born. And now you can kick the shit out of somebody see once the feet get involved it changes the whole game once the feet are involved

it changes everything the feet and able to grapple and tackle somebody and put them on the ground and make their ass tap out now it's a different game I intentionally did no research

for this podcast you don't need no research with me well I figured like I figured we wing, which is something you're very good at. I know on Curb there's a lot of winging. We love to wing on Curb. Curb is built. I mean, I think I was built for that show.

Right. I really do. Well, he realized initially you were only supposed to be in the first season, right? I don't think you were intended to stick around for five more seasons after that. I came in season six. The Meet the Black season. Meet the Black season. So, yeah, man, I think it's one of those things.

But I do believe you precede yourself. Like, this was my favorite show of all time. You know, I watched Curb when I was writing for SNL. Yeah. We were, you know, we would watch Curb, you know, come in to the writing sessions, and we would talk about Curb for 15 minutes. Because while I was on there, before we even started working, we'd just talk about Curb.

And I loved that damn show, man. I loved it so much. That was my favorite show. But years earlier, let's say late 80s. Late 80s? Mid-80s. you're talking about when larry was a writer no i'm talking about when i when i took an improv class uh you know late 80s i took an improv class and um i think that's one of those things that somehow you know i took the improv class with uh marty friedman yeah if you don't know if you know Marty Friedman.

Marty Friedman did SCTV. Yeah, Marty Friedman was on SCTV. Oh, he's a cast member? Yeah, man. He had an improv class at the old Improv Comedy Club in New York. The club actually closed down after that improv class

I took that summer. That was the first thing I ever did was take an improv class. I wanted to see who I wanted to be on stage and off stage. And I think that putting that little tool in my box years later, you know, but even my standup has always been improvised,

somewhat improvised in my standup. I'm a chance taker. So I just go out there and just wing it sometimes. But I like to go where the audience takes me that takes takes me it takes me to and what happened was i put that little improvised tool in my in my toolbox and years later an opportunity to go in for curb and i ended up on the greatest improvised show on tv so you go you audition for the job of uh I can't what was her name Loretta uh

Vivica Fox's character oh yeah yeah she she everybody kind of were you the brother or the cousin brother

brother yeah Leon and you have this great season on the show and then the next season he has to kind of get rid of the whole family

to start a new thing but somehow you just end up staying yeah so I always love when they pulled that off. It's like, no, actually, Leon's going to just stay in the guest room. It's like, oh, great.

More Leon. This is awesome. Yeah. It made no sense, though, why you live there, why this multi-billionaire would have you in his house. It is what I think it is, though. And this can merge over to real life or TV life. But I do believe you have to sometimes,

you got to take a friend, take a job, take a lady. I think at some point in your life, you're going to be doing one of those things. You're going to do, even if it's unintentional, you're going to,

at some point, you're going to take something. Yeah. That you, that's, that's automatically, that pulls you in that direction, whether you intentionally did it or you did it on purpose.

But at some point, you got to take a job, take a friend, take a lady or whatever it is. At some point, you got to take something. It just has to happen. It just has to happen. Sometimes you step on toes and burn bridges that you don't know you did. You know, so at some point, you got to do one of those things. So, you know, I think that you show up to your job, you overdo it. I posted this now for my city of Mount Vernon where I'm from.

They post a bunch of, for Black History Month, they post people from Mount Vernon who are doing things and always have done amazing things, trying to do amazing things. I posted I always try to come to work early. I try to stay late because me coming early, not a regular job, whatever your dream is. For your dream, you come

early, you stay late. I'm not telling you to give your boss damn free time that he's not going to pay you overtime for but i'm not telling you to give your boss damn free time right that he's not gonna pay you overtime for i'm saying for your dream you come early you stay late you know i'm saying that's that's what's gonna propel you into where you want to be at so you're saying that first curb season you were showing up really staying late because it's benefiting me yeah if you gotta shoot a scene over sometimes I'll ask for a scene. Can we shoot that again?

Because I know I can do it better. Or I know I just came up with a better idea. I was improvising, but hey, I got another funny one. Let's try this one. Can we get one more shot? That way, that's benefiting me. You know what I mean?

That's giving me another chance to take a crack at it, which is different. So when I say, you know, tell young people come early, stay late, that means you invest into what you want to do. What is going to make you happy? What is going to make you strive for greater things

is you come early, you stay late. You stay late for yourself. You come early for yourself. Now, I'm not telling you to do that for your boss. You do that for yourself. That's going to benefit you later on. You're not going to be this boss forever. It's not your boss for the rest of your life. It's your boss for right now. So you stroll into that for yourself. That's going to benefit you later on. You're not going to be with this boss forever. It's not your boss for the rest of your life.

It's your boss for right now. So you stroll into that Curb universe. Of course. And within a couple days, you're like, I'm home. This is it. Well, I'll tell you this. When I was on Curb, I remember the first day on Curb, my first day shooting, we had just shot a scene,

a few scenes that day. And then me and Larry were just standing there talking, a few scenes that day. And then me and Larry were just standing there talking, you know, off camera. And Larry said, you know, it feels like we've been working together for years. And that is what you should feel that.

You feel it on your skin. Like, oh, this is what, this is what. So my process of getting on Curb was a route I had to take. So I tell you, take that moment I just said, but I'm going to tell you something right now. So when I was watching Curb, I loved it.

I was in Jersey. I stayed in Jersey City when I worked at SNL. So my wife was washing dishes. My fiancee, who's now my wife, was washing dishes and watching Curb. I said, man, I love this damn show so much. So I'm watching the show, but she wasn't really into it yet. And then she started watching it.

And then she said, man, I love this show so much. I said, I would love to be on this show one day. And she said, you know what? I can see you on this show. She said, you're going to be on this show one day. I can see you and Larry together clearly. You know, he's crazy, saying crazy stuff. You say crazy stuff all the time. She said, you're going to be on that show one day. I could see you and Larry together clearly. You know, he's crazy, saying crazy stuff. You say crazy stuff all the time. She said, you're going to be

on that show one day. And literally a month and a half later, I didn't get renewed. So I was open and free. All this happened from her saying that to me going to Atlanta, going on the road, doing stand-up. Didn't get renewed.

I just signed with a new agent. You know, I got rid of everybody. Got a new agent, knew everything. And then I go to stand-up on the road. I was in Atlanta, Georgia, and I heard a buddy of mine had passed away. So a buddy of mine passed away, and I said, oh man, I got to go to LA for one day because my buddy passed away. So I go to LA.A. for one day, just one day. And I got in town. I said, I'm going to go visit my new agent. They got offices in New York. They got an office in L.A.

I go in there and meet these guys, say hi to them, say, you know, because now it's my transition from being a writer on SNL to me actually being in front of the camera again. Yeah. Even though I was on camera here and there at SNL. So what happened was I get there, I meet my new agent. One comes in late and says, hey, man, how long you in town? So I'm in town for one day because, you know, my buddy passed away.

I came in town. And my buddy was the guy who produced the song, This Is How We Do It by Montel Jordan. Yeah. It's a crazy party song. This is how we do it. Yeah, yeah. So I said I'm in town for one day

my buddy passed away named OG Pierce he passed away I'm only in town for one day so I got an audition can you make it over there you got time to do it today I said yeah

what the hell I said what's it for he said Caribbean Enthusiasm I said wow I freaking love Caribbean Enthusiasm man I would love to go in he said okay

can you go right now I said yeah I leave there go straight over to the audition I walk in there I said okay and they I would love to go in. He said, okay, can you go right now? I said, yeah. I leave there, go straight over to the audition. I walk in there. I said, okay. And they gave me some sides of what the three scenes that we're going to do. And I'm thinking I'm going to go in and go on tape.

You know, I'm probably going to go on tape. I didn't even know the process. I didn't even know I was going to walk in the room and audition directly with Larry. Yeah. I had no idea. I thought I was going to go on tape, review the tape. You know how they normally do auditions. I get in there, man.

Larry's standing in the middle of the room. And I do this thing where I come in the room as my character. I always come in as my character as opposed to coming in as myself and turning on the character. Yeah. It's so hard to turn the character on. But if you come in that room, now you control the room. If I came in there as the character, I'm doing mannerisms. I'm walking in there.

I'm looking around the room. They're looking at me like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? He's walking around. He's looking and looking around, checking people out. You know,

that's my way of showing you how my character enters the room, showing you how my character, his mannerisms, his delivery, everything about him you see immediately.

So now, I control the room now. I'm not sitting there waiting for you to say, action. So now I control the room now. I'm not sitting there waiting for you to say action. Right. I control the room. Larry's looking around like, what the fuck is going on? What the fuck is wrong with this guy? So I walk up to Larry.

I say, okay, Larry, let's do this, baby. It's an audition, right? We're going to improvise. I said, anything can happen. I said, who knows, man. I might slap you in the face. I don't know. And I just walked away, right?

And we start the scene. Larry's like, what the fuck? He's looking at me. He's like, who is this guy? You know what I mean? So I control the room now. So I do the audition. I leave there.

And my agent calls me. He says, how'd it go? I said, man. I said, we laughed our asses off. I mean, it was a funny audition a funny audition I said someone else goes in and gets it gets the character god bless him so I go on the road do my little stand-up a day later you know I'm in uh I'm in Pittsburgh I leave California go straight to Pittsburgh I'm in a snowstorm everything man and my agent calls me I'm driving I leave the show because it's snowing too

bad and I hated the club. I was in a terrible hotel room. I mean, this hotel was fucking filthy. I had to lay down with my coat on and my shoes. It was so filthy. I said, what the hell am I doing here? And I say that because I just know that there's a route to everything. Somehow I was supposed to go through, you know, getting up to

two hours from Pittsburgh to this little comedy club. I was supposed to not get renewed at SNL. I was supposed to be in this dirty hotel room. I was supposed to meet

this crazy promoter, club promoter who was out of his mind. I was supposed to leave there and say, I can't do this. I'm going to go back to Pittsburgh and fly out tomorrow morning.

I was supposed to not do those shows that weekend. I was supposed to be in my car driving from this two hours out of Pittsburgh, driving in a snowstorm, five miles an hour, all the way back to Pittsburgh. I was supposed to get a phone call from my agent saying, yo, go three miles an hour because you got curvy enthusiasm. I was supposed to go through all that. You know, I can't say my buddy was supposed to die, but I can say that I was supposed to be there to pay my respects to him.

So when I got there and paid my respects to him, somehow the universe said, hey, you love Caribbean enthusiasm. Your wife already said you're going to be on

the show. So now you made a decision to show up to California to be at your friend's memorial. In order for that to happen, now you, somehow the universe has put you in a room with Larry. Now, everything you've always done, which is improvise on stage or on stand-up, now you can improvise in front of him. Now he can make a decision if he's going to hire you or somebody else outside that room to be on the show.

So when I got the show, I said, oh, snap, I got the show. So when I, then he said, come back to California immediately. Had to go back to California to start shooting Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is crazy. You left out one piece.

Larry was also on SNL as a writer for a year. He was. Didn't have a great experience. See how all this, isn't that crazy? Yeah, that's bizarre too. It's bizarre that somehow,

I think somehow you meet people before you meet them. Yeah. And I really, I could feel that this show on my skin. I could feel that I was preparing myself

to be on a show that improvised because I took the improv class because I applied that to my standup. I applied that to everything I ever did.

You know, being in line for the party, showing up to parties when I was younger, saying, man, everybody's sitting down. Let me start this party off. Let me be the first one to dance. Let me be the first one to do this. And I think that all played a part in building your character and who you

plan to be later on. But I think all that is laid out somehow. So when you get Curb, you think it's just one season? No, I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. All I know is I'm going to get this dude something he's never seen before. Yeah.

I'm going to go up here and do my best to be the best part of this ensemble. But do they know the arc of like, this family's going to move in Larry's house for the season? Oh, that was already written. Yeah, they know that part. All that they know. But they think it family probably over after the end of the season but see here's the fun thing

about Curb is this you it's improvised of course you got an eight page outline the story is there but the dialogue so I

I make it a point to because the dialogue is open I make it a point to create storylines within the storyline yeah so because it's improvised I get a point to create storylines within the storyline. So because it's improvised, I get a chance to

create my story. There is no Leon origin. The character doesn't have an origin. So I could just sit there and say what the hell I want to say because there's nothing that says, all I know is that I was from LA as opposed to from New Orleans.

My family's from New Orleans. They called, you know, they ended up at Larry's house and they called me. I ended up coming over there and making myself at home. Yeah. So now I got the bass now. The bass is there. Now I know that the bass is there. Now all I got to do is create my own little story, you know.

Every time I perform, every time I do a scene with Larry, I always try to give him something he didn't know about the character, about Leon, a little at a time. You know, and all that plays a part in, I think all that plays a part in, I can't say it played a part in them deciding to bring me back or to keep me on the show. But I can say that I give 200% to everything I try to do.

And I want to give you what you're looking for as a director, as a creator of a show. I'm going to give you exactly what you're looking for. But if you give me the ability to do JB,

I'm going to do JB to my fullest. Well, his favorite thing, it seems like, about that show is like, he's got it with Richard Lewis. He has it with Jeff. Now he has it with you where whatever the plot's going on,

he'll always have those scenes when it's just him and his buddy and they're just kind of shooting the shit, which is basically the Seinfeld DNA of those guys in the coffee shop. Yep. Arguing about like Superman or something. Right. So when I say that, you know, we had, we were talking off season six, talking about how

it feels as though we've been working together for years. I say that because I think that applies to anybody. I think with patience, with going for whatever you are going for, there is several ways to get there. You just got to choose whatever way you choose. You got to be satisfied with that route and make that route work for you. You know, I'm sure that's probably a faster way than anything. But with that way comes with burning bridges, comes with stepping on toes.

You know, it might not come with longevity. Are you saying you're difficult? No, I'm saying that I'm saying that every... I was kidding. Yeah, I'm saying like, you know, I think every chance you get, you just gotta have fun with it, man. I think that... I would say Curb and Seinfeld are two different creative experiences.

Seinfeld's about... I mean, not Seinfeld, Saturday Night Live. Saturday Night Live is about the infrastructure. This is how we do it. We've done it this way since 1975. Monday's the pitch meeting. Wednesday is the day we stay up late. No, no, we have to do that.

You can't. And then we have the dress rehearsal. But it's like there's no deviation from that infrastructure. There's no deviation from that. That curve is the opposite. That is the opposite. That is exactly what, that is the exact order of things at SNL. That's it.

That doesn't sound like that's your cup of tea. You know what? When I actually auditioned for SNL, so that was my second time ever auditioning for SNL. So first time I auditioned was around when Tracy Morgan got on the show, and that cast. Oh, like 96, 97 range. Yeah.

And then the second time I auditioned was I was the last one, the last three people. So it came down to Finesse, Mitchell, Kenan Thompson, and myself. So we had the NBC test. And so they ended up giving it to those two guys. So then I left and went back to LA and they called me up and said, hey, man, would you like to, you know, we know we ended up going with Finesse and Kenan, but, you know, we like you a lot.

Would you want to come in as a writer? So I was like, you know, I wasn't really a writer back then. But I said, you know what, this will look great on my resume. Let me just go ahead and just, you know. But it was hard saying, like, moving from New York to L.A. to go back to New York to audition for SNL, to come back to L.A. to get a phone call to move back to New York. It's like, God damn it. So it's one of those things where I had to sit there like, don't fight packing all this stuff back up again.

Then I have some other things that were on the table. I said, damn, do I do I get ahead and just pack up again and go back to New York? And I said, shit. So I ended up saying, all right, let me just go back because I think it's going to look. And I'm always like, I like to plant seeds. So I'm a seed planter. And whether that tree grows a week, a month, a year, five years, 10 years from now,

at some point it's going to grow. It doesn't matter how fast it's going to grow. So I'm a seed planter. I like to plant a bunch of seeds. And when things start to grow, that's when I can jump on it and, and, and apply that to.

That was a weird time for the show. Cause you had the Will Ferrell era. Yeah. That whole, that whole cast. And then he's leaving and then but then there's this other era coming

but it hadn't come yet yeah and like Sandberg's about to show up yeah man all those guys all those dudes all those guys that was my class

Amy and Tina are kind of there but they're not that's my class they're blossoming and taking over the show that's my class right there but I was lucky Kristen Wiig isn't there yet

nope she came a season later yeah so I was there three seasons and um yeah that's the fun thing about see i got a chance to do four four things though but i i got there i said man i gotta i gotta make it fun for myself and if i'm not gonna get a lot of stuff on air i need i need to like i didn't get a lot i didn't get a lot of stuff on air so i would say what's the most diverse show back then i think i think adding keenan and finesse added a lot

yeah and maya was on the show right so we we we had a good time you know and i can't say it's an easy job yeah i can't say it's it forces you uh to challenge yourself you know um so what were your lauren michaels memories hello for some reason man a lot of people felt they didn't really get along with him too much or they felt terrified by him

yeah but I I never felt like that I'm like this man I'm always been a free spirit and I'm always a guy that's the loudest

guy in the room so I like to go and have fun yeah you know whether it's a pitch meeting when I'm pitching everybody would pitch

two ideas I would go next to last pitching every every every Monday yeah I would go next to last pitching every Monday. Yeah. I would go next to last. And I would pitch four things every time. I would pitch four of the craziest things I could think of. And I would stand up and pitch.

And I would always perform my pitches. Yeah. So I always gave you a little show while I was doing my pitches. And I would have everybody cracking up because I would always think of the most outrageous, some of the most outrageous things I would think of. You know what I mean? Like pregnant dominatrix or when I wrote a sketch when pregnant in the ass. You know what I mean?

It's like stupid shit I would think of. But it would always, I would kill. That one didn't make air. That's a good one. But you know I think that so I got a few things

on air. Also I was I did a warm up for two seasons. I did I was in a bunch of monologue sketches

at the top of the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also I was in a few sketches here and there and I was doing Conan O'Brien who was still an NBC man, downstairs.

So they would call my office and they would get Lawrence's permission. Can we borrow JB? Yeah. And then I would go downstairs and do a sketch with them on camera and then come back upstairs and finish working behind the computer. So I was like, I got a chance to, at least I got a chance to do, to be on air while I was not on air. You know what I mean?

Who was the funniest person just around the office during that stretch? SNL? Yeah. Was there anybody that just blew you away? I loved Fred. Fred Armisen? Yeah. I think Fred was the, I just love Fred so much, man.

Fred was hilarious to me. I just liked his, you know, he had this certain demeanor that just made me laugh, man. And, and I just worked with Fred again on this Quibi show with John Lutz and Paula Pell

and a bunch of us. Yeah. So it was like the reunion of SNL. Everybody on the, on the Quibi thing was all former SNL people

I worked with. Fred's one of those guys that I can't believe he's never done a tour of duty on Curb. Let me tell you something. That would seem like it would almost be too weird to have him on that show. He is so goddamn funny to me, man.

I freaking love Fred, man. I think Fred is hilarious. But everyone who I worked with was amazing, man. We had a great class. Sudeikis was amazing, man. You're talking about Tina Fey was the head writer back then. Yeah. Everybody blossomed, man. You're talking about Tina Fey was the head writer back then. Yeah. Everybody blossomed, man.

Amy Kills kills it now. Kristen Wiig kills it now. Everybody from my class, I like that everybody kind of has their own thing going on. And that's the fun thing about working with an ensemble like that. Yeah. You get a chance to see. It kind of reminds me of comic books. You see the X-Men shows.

So the X-Men has this big-ass mansion with Professor Xavier. I guess Lorne Michaels would be Xavier. And all these damn characters, they're all different. They all have different powers. But somehow, the powers are suppressed in this house because it's a certain, like I said, SNL is a certain kind of show. It's been here forever. It's kind of what, it is what it is. But once you get out

of it, once you graduate out of the school, then you have your own career. You know, whether you're Wolverine or whether you're Iceman or whoever, Angel, everybody blossoms out and they're doing their own thing. That's kind of what reminded me of being a part of a

X-Men kind of mansion or something but because it just had all these characters all these people who had their own thing who

who were your comedy influences because you start when do you start doing stand-up when you're like 20, 22

yep but so that's like after five years after Eddie Eddie hit it I was watching Eddie before I started doing stand-up. I was like, this dude is incredible.

So, yeah. So, I'm 30 years in right now. Yeah. So, you're growing up watching all the sitcoms in the 70s. Everything. That's what I do. Now, my influences were, of course, Pryor, Fox, Cosby. Who else?

And I loved, I think as much as I loved those guys, I think there was a turn when, you know, they always say is, you know, when you start doing standup, 50% of it is being able to walk on that stage,

to walk on the stage and grab the mic. You're halfway there already. Yeah. I think the turn that got me really to walk on that stage, the guts to walk on the stage and grab the mic. You're halfway there already. Yeah. I think the turn that got me really to walk on that stage and grab that microphone, I started renting VHS tapes of George Carlin.

Oh, yeah. As much as, everybody played a part of my stand-up, but at some point, I had to go from listening to it all the time on records

to watching it on videotapes to being able to walk on that stage and grab the microphone. Something had to transition me to get there. Now, I was always a big fan of comedy. I grew up on all the great TV shows I loved. Of course, I loved Genie and Good Look at the Island and all those shows,

The Jeffersons and Sam for the Sun. All my shows, I loved them. What's Happening, all those good shows, Good Times, all my good shows. I was going to be mad if you didn't mention Good Times. You know what I loved, all those good shows, good times, all my good shows. I was going to be mad if you didn't mention good times. You know what I loved, though? I loved, I idolized Peter Sellers.

I freaking idolized Peter Sellers. Like, as far as comedic actors, Peter Sellers was gold to me. We don't really have a Peter Sellers now. Oh, Peter Sellers is incredible. He kind of had his own lane that I haven't seen anyone fill. I think I loved British humor a lot at that time. Yeah. I just loved the hell out of some Peter Sellers, man.

That was my dude, man. So we... He was incredible to me. End of the 80s? Have you ever seen The Party? Which one was that? I don't remember. Oh, my gosh, man.

Of course he did the Inspector... Yeah, I remember him from the Pink Panther movies. He did one called The Party, man. Oh, that's incredible. You got to watch it. I don't want to tell you about it. It's just, to me, that is one of the most amazing performances to me.

It just shows Peter Sellers in his form and what he does. So late 80s, early 90s, you're doing the comedy stuff. Were you on a Young Comedians special? Did we hit all those check marks? I hadn't hit that level yet. But I was doing, I started out

at the Uptown Comedy Club in Harlem. And then, of course, I started working my way downtown, doing the downtown clubs and stuff. What was the Uptown Comedy Club in Harlem like in the 80s? Oh, man. Freaking amazing. Everybody came through there, man. It was like a who's who of comedy yeah it's mostly black comedy so uh the line would come down the stairs all the way around the corner on sunday night man and it was absolutely so who were the ogs during that era other than eddie because the previous

generation was getting old like robert har. Robin Harris was around back then. Martin TV show had just came on. Oh, yeah. So we were sitting there. We were backstage watching Martin backstage while they were calling out who's coming on stage next.

That's how much we were like, like, wow, he did it. You know what I mean? I think it's that he did it thing because we all want to get there. And we're sitting there watching Martin coming to the stage I gotta go

and run on stage and do your show because we were all inspired by that it was a new era for black comedy because you had the Robert Townsend movie

Robert Townsend movie In Living Color In Living Color is popping off Duff Comedy Jam was popping off BZ Comic View was popping off

and it just opened up this whole new genre man right we you know and i think that was more cable channels that was a transition that was a transition uh of black comedy man i think that i'm so happy that here's what i tell people all the time i always say i wouldn't change um my route for anything like a lot of guys probably wish they were they were were fresh right now because of the social media world and how

fast you can get famous quicker. But I wouldn't change my route for anything, man. I feel like me being a part of several eras, I say. I was a part of the inception of hip-hop. I seen every, you name it, you name an artist

back then, I was there. I seen every, you name it, you name an artist. Back then, I was there. I was at all the concerts. Sometimes I even had a fake ID because back then in Times Square,

Times Square was grimy. You sound like Jalen. Jalen always tells me this too. Jalen was there for everything in the 90s. Times Square was grimy. I'm going to tell you something, man,

you can get you a fake ID, anything. I hung out in all the clubs downtown. I'm talking about, I seen everybody. I get you a fake ID, anything. I hung out at all the clubs downtown. I'm talking about I seen everybody. I was at the Tuff and the Leather Tour. I was at, I seen everybody.

If I didn't see you perform on stage at the Funhouse or at Roseland or wherever, all the clubs. If I didn't see you perform there, I seen you perform at block parties. I seen Boogie Down Productions. I seen, you name it, Run DMC, Boogie Down, Airbnb Rakim, you name any rap artist back then that started out, I was there, kiddin' play. I seen all these guys perform. Everybody, whether it was in a small club,

a block party, Doug E. Fresh. I remember seeing Doug E. Fresh when he was performing in the basement of the projects. Because my buddy, his cousin was doing security for him. And I used to go down there and see DJ battles. That's when everything was like the battle. DJs battled each other. MCs battled each other. But it was

fun stuff. It was different than it is now, man. You had crews, rap crews, and oh, man. The Cold Crush Brothers. Biggie? Biggie's way later. It'sgie's way later. It's like five years later. You're talking late 80s, early 90s. I'm talking about Run DMC when they first came out.

Yeah. I'm talking about old school stuff. That's newer school. Biggie's in the middle. 93. I'm talking about R&B by Kim. You're going early. Slick Rick.

I'm talking about... Schoolboy? Declan Hyde. Heavy D and the Boys Boys who's from my hometown I'm talking about I'm talking about old school rappers Curtis Blow

I'm going back back back fake ID and everything man 15 years old going to these parties man grown ass ladies grown ass ladies in dresses

I'm talking about partying in hip hop clubs partying in R&B clubs the the Red Parrot, Bentleys, Justines. I can go on forever, man. I'm talking about hanging out, hanging out. Before, I'm talking about at the inception of hip-hop. Gotcha.

Inception, which is way different than, you know, Biggie and them had their era, Biggie and Pac. I'm talking about before and before that. When Cass was banging on boxes. That era wasn't even in movies. had their era, Biggie and Pac, I'm talking about before and before that. I mean, that was when Cass was banging on boxes. That era wasn't even in movies. We would rap, we would rap

at the lunch table, banging on tables. Yeah. We would rap to that. I'm talking about that is the era, era at the inception of hip hop.

So that's different. We did a, we did a R rewatchables podcast recently about king of new york and that used some of the music from that era is one of the i think the first yeah mainstream like action movie like that that actually relied on was yeah it was good times that's what good times so i say that because you know i've seen i wouldn't change my journey being that my influences are far and beyond. Yeah.

My influences are early hip hop. I used to be a hip hop dancer. I used to dance with two crews back in the day. Wow. I was, roller skating was the greatest thing in the world. Going to the roller rink was the greatest thing in the world. We used to roller skate from Mount Vernon to the Bronx to skate key, change our wheels, put our indoor wheels on, skate for hours, take them off, put our outdoor wheels back on and skate back to Mount Vernon. Jesus.

That's a young energy. You're kids. You just want to have fun and do stuff. My journey involves early hip hop. My journey just involves all the inceptions of black comedy, all the inceptions of hip hop, all the inceptions of all these shows. One day I was on a show and somebody actually ran down my whole IMDb. This stuff I forgot about. I didn't even realize I did.

I did one of the first shows ever on Comedy Central called Short Attention Span Theater. The first pilot ever on MTV called Apartment 2F with the Scar Brothers. I don't remember that. It was the only one in pilot. Did a pilot episode. I think it came back

again later on. Comic Kazi. Remember that one? No. It was a stand-up show also. They took some of the most daring comedians out there and put them on one show. And comedians who were physical and crazy and did crazy stuff. Did anybody do Pregnant in the Ass or no? That was way before his time.

Way before his time, brother. Way before his time. But that's a sketch. They could have written that back. It's a crafted sketch, though's it's a classic sketch though it's a funny sketch if you ever host SNL that you would have to

let me tell you something I got so many so many sketches that didn't make it my monologue would actually be just all the sketches that didn't make it

a singing Broadway style monologue of all my sketches the urine detective the urine detective all my the all day cigarette. You name it. The all day cigarette.

What's that one? It's a long ass cigarette. It's just goes for it. It's an all day cigarette. You name it, man. I would do all my classics, man, in a Broadway style monologue, man. It would finish with Pregnant in the Ass. Where I would walk through.

That's the kicker. Yeah. I would walk through, walk through everybody getting dressed for my sketches and I'm going to walk through there doing my monologue pregnant in the ass you get 20 people

singing pregnant in the ass oh my god that'd be great let's make this happen oh man so many sketches that didn't make it but I would do that

that would be my monologue that's good it would be all my everything I did make it. We just need to find the date when you host. Oh, that's it. We'll figure it out. This will happen one day.

You know, big rush. We'll figure it out. When they call, I'll be ready. What's your favorite Curb episode that you've been in? They all are so fun. What's your number one? My number one. What's your go-to?

What's the one you want on your tombstone? I think getting that ass is probably my favorite. one what's your go-to what's the one you want on your tombstone it's somewhere between get i think getting that ass is probably my favorite because i think the funny thing about that sketch is larry had no idea what getting that ass was his character or himself larry larry and larry david larry david and larry david either larry the real larry david and the tb the TV Larry David had no idea what getting that ass was so the first take I saw Larry's face like what the fuck is that

you know what I mean he's like nodding his head like he's trying to catch it but then once I explained I said getting that ass man it's a metaphor for defending yourself

you know he said oh and then you know but he played it so well he played it as though yeah like he was just getting it.

So now Leon's to the end. I don't think that, however many more seasons, maybe there's not even going to be another season, but Leon's going to be in the final episode. Leon is locked in, man. I think Leon. Does Leon have a job? Leon came up.

What does Leon do for money? That's the fun thing about it. Nobody knows what Leon does. How does he pay for stuff? Just one episode. Does he have a credit card? I told Larry, one episode, man. Just follow Leon for one day.

Yeah, what does he do? What does Larry do? What does Leon do when he's not with you? Does he work out? He does a lot of things. Does he date? Somehow he has money. Somehow he has ladies.

Somehow he does all this stuff. I think Leon does it. It's almost like a cartoon character, like Barney Rubble, where you're just like, what does he do all day? We don't need to know. We don't need to know. I think that's what makes the mystique about Leon is,

what the hell does he do? But he lives by his metaphors, which are bringing a ruckus, that's how I doze it, doing your dizzle, and the main one I think he lives by is, I guess mine. Right.

I guess mine is the greatest phrase ever. Because some people don't know they get stares. You got to know in your heart, no matter what happens in this world, I guess mine's. Well, all we know about him is he lived with his family that was displaced by the hurricane.

That's all you know about him. Ended up at Larry's house. But then the family left. He decided to stay. And he decided to stay. Larry's trying to get rid of him. He said, well, everybody's gone. I guess you're gonna go upstairs.

To my room. And walk your ass and walk away. And he's never kept in touch with his family? Of course he does. He can't be in touch with his family. Okay. You think he knows them? They chose to fucking leave.

So they got out of there. They fucked up. Yeah, that was a mistake. They fucked up. We could all eat that Chinese food together. Let's talk quickly about the, you're always involved in sports stuff. Yes.

Like you were just an NBA All-Star weekend. Yeah, man. You're just kind of, you're like a peripheral athlete. Super Bowl, All-Star. It's like you were a former athlete All-Star weekend. Yo, man. You're just kind of, you're like a peripheral athlete. Super Bowl, All-Star. It's like you were a former athlete, but you never played

in a league. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Sometimes. You should just have a new narrative where you were on the Charlotte Hornets

in like 1992. Well, I went to the Legends brunch, right? I go every year and I sat behind the desk with all the Legends and I said, look at us.

Right. I said, look at us. We're still here. Huh? Okay. Look at that point. We're still here. Huh? Okay. Look at that point. We're still here. Huh, Spencer?

Spencer Hayward and all the great legends. Spencer Hayward, you could probably convince you played in five seconds. I always say us. I never say, look at,

sir, look at us. Right. Look at us. You're a peripheral athlete celebrity. I am. I am the ultimate. You figured out how to do it. I have.

I'm on every team. I have figured a way. All these guys know you. To get traded to every team in the NBA. They all know you. They all know me. They probably give you big greetings, hugs, handshake hugs. I'll tell you why.

Because I give them love. Even though their old rickety ass bodies are past their prime, I speak to them as though they can still dunk. They still take that ball. Well, have you noticed athletes do no look passing? All the things they used to be able to do, I'd speak to them as though they can still dunk. They still take that ball. Well, have you noticed athletes do? No look passing. All the things they used to be able to do, I'd speak to them as though they're still doing it.

When I did Countdown with Magic, when we spent the year together, he would talk about the Lakers and himself as basketball players in present tense. You have to. And he would be like, you know, the thing with James, I like to get James the ball on the right block and what James likes to do. And I'm like, James hasn't played for 20 years. But in Magic's head, it was all still real. That's the only way.

You see Mutombo. He still does this. No, Mutombo. That finger still goes up. That long ass finger still goes up. Shaq and Barkley, they do it on TNT show. They still talk about themselves like they can get out there and defend Zion

they do cause they that's the argument people have their era versus the new era they always mess these old teams up

sometimes they'll do they'll do a little thing line the old teams up with the new teams it's hard well now it's tough cause the the sport changed so much

the last seven years the three pointers different game different game now I was talking to somebody recently about what Larry Bird's stats would have been like in 2020. Yeah. Because he would have taken like 10 threes a game.

It's hard. Faster pace. But it's hard also. Think about Shaq now. Shaq changed the game. They changed the rules because of Shaq. They did. They changed the rules.

They changed the rules in the paint. So as big as Shaq and as powerful as he is, do we know any true big man like Shaq not like him we don't know any true big man now who are playing now who have that presence that big as he was

and strong as he was in this era especially you go back to like blue chip Shaq when he was like skinny young Shaq break dancing and stuff he was like 7 foot 2q. Skinny young Shaq. Breakdancing and stuff. He was like seven foot two and could. Breakdance and doing that fun stuff. Doing the damn wave on the ground.

The worm. That big, that's a big guy, man. I don't think there's going to be another center like that. Just because. I don't know. Everybody's hybrids of these big guys now. They want a guy who can, they want big guys who can shoot from outside. That's the thing is Shaq nowadays would be guys who can shoot from outside in threes.

But that's the thing is, Shaq nowadays would be shooting threes as a freshman in high school. He wouldn't be working around the rim and doing all this stuff. They'd be different.

It's a different game now. So you just did, we're taping this right after All-Star Weekend, you did a roast. Yeah. The NBA was always terrified of roasts

because I remember Shaq, I pay-per-viewed all of them. Shaq used to roast in the early 2000s. And they were really funny, but they would cross some lines. Yeah. Jeff Ross definitely would cross some lines in those. But now that's kind of circled around.

But what was that roast like? The roast was amazing, man. Who'd you get to make fun of? I got fun to make fun of everybody who was also roasting. Charles, Shaq, Ernie,ny so charles is like just fat we also roasted each other right which is jeffrey uh jeff ross myself jay farrell um lily singh uh gary payton was on there oh yeah yeah it was fun so we got to roast each other also which was really fun and so you the go-to things are like Charles Barker, you're just making weight jokes. Oh, man.

Shaq, he's cross-eyed. Yeah. All that stuff. We didn't go harsh because it was TNT. Oh. Yeah. So, it wasn't like- Because Jay Pharoah does that whole Shaq thing.

Oh, he's like- He's amazing. He's amazing. He killed it. Everybody ripped it. It was so fun, man. That was my first time doing a roast. I've never done a roast before.

So, that was my first. I've turned them down numerous times. So how mean did you get on a scale of 1 to 10? Like a 4? Which one now? How mean did you get? Oh, not that mean. Here's what I did. I can't imagine you getting super mean. I told them. I said, look. I went up there and I said, look, man. This roast thing is not me. It's not my, you know,

why should I bring my friends that I love down? Yeah. I'm going to build you up. You're a positive guy. So I said, I'm all about positivity. I'm going to build your asses up. You guys know what's wrong with you.

It's nothing new. Huh? You know exactly what's wrong with you guys. You know. But I'm going to bring you up. So I just, I brought them up. I just started giving them ideas of how to better themselves.

And Tiffany Haddish was the host. Tiffany was amazing as the host. I talked about how, you know, with Tiffany, I talked about how years ago, I remember Tiffany talked to me about she wanted to remove her mole. I said, don't you do it. I like her mole. I told her, everybody loves it.

Don't you cut that mole off. People love that damn mole. And I talked about how she should get more moles. The more moles, the better. Ten more. I told her, everybody loves it. Don't you cut that mole off. People love that damn mole. And I talked about how she should get more moles. The more moles, the better. Ten more. I told her she should rub faces with... I told her to rub faces with... God dang it.

I'm going to lose my mind. I told her to... Somebody else with a famous mole? God dang it. I'm going to lose my mind. I was like, I told her to... Somebody else with a famous mole? God dang it. I'm going to lose my brain right now. He played God. Freeman? Freeman!

Morgan Freeman. I said, rub faces with Morgan Freeman. He got plenty of moles. Right. You got to do what you got to do. What you got to do to get more moles, do it. You know what I mean? I told her to,

I said, people love that black jelly bean on your face. People love it. That black jelly bean is gold right now. You and that black jelly bean are like gold right now. You're famous.

Don't you dare cut that mole off. I talked about, I talked about Lilly Singh, who's amazing amazing has an amazing late night talk show

yeah amazing young lady I told her I said look you claim Indian but I thought you were black so I said you know

why don't you open a 7-Eleven right and kick your own stuff out easy easy little suggestions to better their lives I just kept giving them advice you know I told Shaq Shaq and kick your own stuff out. Easy. Easy little suggestions to better their lives.

I just kept giving them advice. You know? I told Shaq, Shaq, you should get a line of those big inflatable balloons that sit in front of car dealerships or make you put your face on them.

Right. It's just a Shaq balloon. It's a Shaq inflatable promotional balloons. Charles Barkley. I said, Charles, man, Shaq isatable promotional balloons. Charles Barkley. I said, Charles, man, Shaq is everywhere. He's everywhere. He's on.

He's sponsored so many things. Yeah. His name is everywhere. Incredible endorsement. I said, you got to do that, man. I said, you do a good job here, of course. This is great. You do an amazing job.

But you need to get a job as maybe a third or fourth or fifth job. Maybe a banana pudding inspector or how about you break chairs in. You're a comfy chair

breaker in her. That means somebody buys a brand new Lazy Boy couch, a Lazy Boy chair, and it's all stiff and hard. They call you over, you bring your big ass over there and you sit in that chair 70, 80 times in a row. Just keep,

sit down, get up, sit down, get up, sit down, get up. Now that chair, that's comfy. It's broken in now. That's all you do. You know, stuff like that.

That's all, that's like silly stuff we did but I was giving them advice how to better their lives, how to bring themselves up. You know, I talked about Ernie Johnson. I respected him because he's a white man with a black man's name.

Ernie Johnson. Ernie Johnson. That's a black man's name. Oh, man. I used to have a running joke in my column about there was a Red Sox pitcher named Reggie Cleveland, but he was white. And I was the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars for white guys

with names like Ernie Johnson. Ernie Johnson, man. Reggie Cleveland was the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars for white guys with names like Ernie Johnson. Ernie Johnson, man. Reggie Cleveland was the best one. You ever thought in a million years he was a white sinker baller? Oh, man. I was just talking about all kinds of craziness. But the roast was fabulous, man. Jeff Ross.

I told Jeff to gain 30 or 40 pounds and wrap himself in string and put some baste himself and put a little garlic a little garlic on himself that way he'd be a roast master that roast roast

you know it's easy easy stuff I'm giving them easy easy things that they can do to bring themselves up

I think we should create a fake basketball reference page for you I love it where you were on the LJ Alonzo Morning Charlotte team

just for one year you know I played but you hurt your knee you know I played a. Where you were on the LJ Alonzo Morning Charlotte team just for one year. But you hurt your knee. You know I played a character in a movie called Almost Christmas named Lonnie McClay. What was Almost Christmas? I played it on Supersonics and also played in Croatia. Supersonics and Croatia. Two years ago it came out. Great movie

man. I even had my own card on the movie. Kyle, have you seen Almost Christmas? Lonnie McClay. You seen Almost Christmas? I the movie. I had a card. Kyle, have you seen Almost Christmas? Lonnie McClay. You seen Almost Christmas? I don't think I saw that one. I see almost every movie. It's a great holiday movie, man.

It came out two years ago. It's a holiday movie. Two years ago. It came out, man. I played Uncle Lonnie McClay. Lonnie McClay. Ex-basketball player. I played in Croatia. I played on the Seattle Supersonics when he was still there.

Right. Back when Gus Williams played. Oh, yeah. Downtown Freddy. Big shout to Gus Williams. Yeah. I'm a man still there. Right. Back when Gus Williams played. Oh, yeah. Downtown Freddie. Big shout to Gus Williams. Yeah. I'm a man right there. Come on, Bernie.

So my character is named Nick. Oh, he was from your hometown? Yeah, Gus Williams. The Williams brothers. The Williams brothers. The McRae brothers. And Ray. Yeah.

I have the Nike poster with them. Come on, man. Come on, man. Gus Williams. DJ? Gus Williams was the most underrated guard in that era. I tell people all the time. Gus. They won the NBA title. He was the best player on the team. Nobody Williams. DJ? Gus Williams was the most underrated guard in that era. I tell people all the time. Gus.

They won the NBA title. He was the best part of the team. Nobody ran the point better than Gus. He was so good. He had the beard with the balding head combo thing. Come on, man. Come on. He held out for a year, though.

He lost a whole year of his prime. It was amazing, man. Because he held out. Yep. Then he went to Washington. I love that guy. In the movie, my nickname is Chitao. Chitao.

Because I made a last second shot. Everybody talked about Chitao. Chitao. Because I made a last second shot. Everybody talked about Chitao. Chitao became my thing. So much that I couldn't let it go. Time has passed by. People forgot about Chitao. And when someone brings up Chitao, I'm like,

did you say Chitao? What you know about Chitao? What the hell do you know about Chitao? Chitao. Tell me about your tour before we go. Oh, my tour. The Lollyg tour before we go. Oh, my tour. The Lollygagging Tour is an amazing, fun tour.

You can see J.B. Smoove in his element, man. A lot of improvising. A lot of funny, physical. I do a little bit of everything, man. I'm like... That's all over the country? I'm a wild card

when it comes to stand-up. Yeah. Because I've been doing it so long. But people love to come out and see my show because I don't... Every show's a little different. You know,

I perform for the audience in front of me and I just go because sometimes any given night, the audience loves your mannerisms. They love your delivery. They love different things

about you that particular night and that particular crowd. So I always tend to go the direction of the crowd that takes me and where they take me at. But I just love, I've been doing stand-up

for a long time, man. I love it. The Lottie Gaggin Tour I just love I've been doing stand-up for a long time man I love it the Lottie Gaggin tour is a fabulous way of presenting a stand-up show I feel it allows your brain

to relax a little bit and what do you do when you're Lottie Gaggin you're dormant your brain is dormant you're open to whatever and everything to come in

and entertain you you know there's no stress when you're Lottie Gaggin you're just let me see what JB's talking about you know and you watch a great show man and the tour is resuming in and entertain you. You know, there's no stress when you're lardy gagging. You're just, ah, let me see what JB's talking about.

You know, and you watch a great show, man. And the tour is resuming this year. As of course, I started late last year and now it's resuming.

We just finished doing Baltimore last week. Fun time in Baltimore. Sold out four shows. Now I'm going to Sacramento next weekend, the 27th.

Make some Kings jokes. Oh, I love it, man. I love it. I love Sacramento, man. I love it. I love Sacramento, man. I can't wait to go to Sacramento. All my peeps out there in Sacramento, your boy will be there. And also, follow your boy on Old Snap, JBSmooth on all platforms, O-H-S-N-A-P, J-B-S-M-O-N-E.

Last question. Yes. Oh, that was good. Last question. Most surprising person who told you he loved Curb or she? This blew my mind. I was in Craig's restaurant, my favorite restaurant. Yeah.

And I was sitting there with some friends laughing, having a good time. And a lady taps me on the shoulder. And she says, hi, JB, we're big fans. A table full of girl ladies. Oh my God. Hi, we love you. We work for Mick Jagger. JB, Mick Jagger loves you. I said, come on. You're playing around. No, no, I swear. Mick Jagger loves Curb and he loves you. I said, you tell Mick Jagger. I said, thank you. I love Mick Jagger.

I said, how's he doing? He's on tour right now in Ireland. She said, do you want to go to Ireland? I said, don't do this to me right now. Do you want to go to Ireland? We'll surprise him. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait. I said, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You mean to tell me right now we can go to Ireland right now, see the show and surprise Mick Jagger? She wait, wait. You mean to tell me right now we can go to Ireland right now, see the show, and surprise Mick Jagger? She said, yes. I can call him right now and see where they are. They are definitely performing in Ireland tomorrow night. We'll bring you. You'll hang out with us. He'll go crazy because he loves

you. All he talks about is you. He loves Curb Your Enthusiasm. He loves Larry. He loves the show, but he loves Leon. I said, what? I said, I got to, I'm in the middle of shooting something. I can't just leave.

She said, oh, don't worry about it. We'll let him know we saw you. And then I was like, Mick Jagger loves Leon. Mick Jagger. I'm talking about Mick Jagger. The one who, I heard Mick Jagger puts like four miles of walking every show on his body.

He's like in the greatest shape of any non-athlete. You know how hard it is to walk like this? You got to walk like this, number one. Well, why can't he be on Curb? That seems like that's a natural Curb plot. I'm sure he could be. Did you tell Larry about this? I told Larry. I said, Larry, man man Mick Jagger loves his show

but Larry knows a lot of these people already a lot of these folks that's true he is but you know Larry's he's iconic

I'm just J.B. Smoove everybody loves that guy I'm just J.B. Smoove man Mick Jagger Mick Jagger I mean you could have surprised him in Ireland actually

I could have he's old you might have really surprised him you might have had like a heart attack hey man like you should show J.B. Smo JB shows up in Ireland. That's an amazing story.

Good luck with the tour. Good luck with the rest of the season at Curb. The Lotta Jagger tour continues, baby. Hit your boy up. Oh, snap. JB Smooth. Woo! Alright, thanks to ZipRecruiter. Thanks to Jimmy Kimmel and thanks to JB Smooth. We'll be back

later in the week with one more podcast. Until then. On the wayside I'm a bruised soul I never was And I don't have To ever be