The Bill Simmons Podcast - Magical Mahomes, an All-Red Super Bowl, Aaron Hernandez, and the Big 'Curb' Return With Cousin Sal and Joe House | The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal and Massage-Chair Joe House to discuss the Chiefs taking care of business at home vs. the Titans and the 49ers' win over the Packers, before guessing the NFL lines for Super Bowl LIV, predicting annoying Super Bowl story lines, talking Parent Corner, discussing the return of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm', and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network brought to you by ZipRecruiter. The best teams start with great talent. Talent like, I don't know, Patrick Mahomes, the best quarterback in the world right now. No one knows the importance of talents more than our presenting sponsor, ZipRecruiter. They deliver qualified candidates fast. They're powerful technology. It scans thousands of resumes to find people the right experience for your job so effective four to five employers will post on ZipRecruiter to get a quality candidate through the site within the first day right now my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com

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We're also brought to you by TheRinger.com, one of the world's last great websites, as well as The Ringer Podcast Network, where we're covering football. We have the Oscars coming up. Knee deep in the NBA. And we've had a whole bunch of cool features and all kinds of things.

If you love Curb Your Enthusiasm, which we're going to talk about later, I think two and a half years ago, we counted down the top 100 Curb episodes or the top 80. Yeah. Top 80 Curb episodes. So if you want to dive into that, into our archives, feel free. Book of Basketball, we have another new podcast coming this week. If you're a Knicks fan, I would highly recommend it. And then I'm not sure if rewatchables is going to be this week or not. Stay tuned on that. But we did the 100th episode with Quentin Tarantino ran

last week. Fairway Rowan house. When is, when is that making a comeback? It's it's back. I think we're going to run it Tuesday night, Wednesday morning, but this is it's tiger time. He's making his 2020 debut calendar year. He played already in the, in the fall. They have this season that starts in September. You could have, this could have been three seconds. Just say it's back on Tuesday.

Tiger's back. The podcast is back presented by our good friends at Callaway golf. Oh, well, there you go. Maybe I'll even be on one of those podcasts at some point. And then should mention Tuesday, Tuesday, Well, there you go. Maybe I'll even be on one of those podcasts. Hey now! At some point. And then, should mention, Tuesday, me, you, Ryan Rosillo, the gang is back.

We're going to do our mega all-star pod. And then we have a whole bunch of other wrinkles. We've been workshopping it on text. Very excited for this one. It's going to be easily two hours. Easily. No question. So that's all coming up. Joe House and Cousin Sal are going to as always. Special guest Joe House is here.

We're in my back house where my wife got me a massage chair for Christmas. And you might remember it, Sal, when we were in Vegas. Yes. Those awesome massage chairs, which I've just been super jealous of ever since. And for Christmas, my wife got me a really good one. And House insisted on doing the podcast as he's being massaged. Oh, no. So he is now in the chair. And I don't think we're going to be hearing from him much.

We might just hear some groaning. That's great. You just filled his belly with meatballs. What a better life than this. Let's move out here already. It could be every day. I just want to make it abundantly clear to the Bill Simmons podcast audience,

this is not a Robert Kraft massage chair. Oh, no. It a Robert Kraft massage chair. Oh, no. It's a regular massage chair. Too soon. That's a good start. We had championship weekend today, and it was completely

overshadowed by the season premiere of Curb Your Enthusiasm, which returned triumphantly yet again. We are going to talk about that at the tail end of this podcast. After we do football and parent corner, um, it was really great. And I'm excited to talk about it. Not as excited to talk about those two football games. Sal, what was the biggest surprise for you?

The biggest surprise is not one of us had a two team teaser with the chiefs and the fricking 49ers. All we do is take favorites all the freaking time. And we couldn't take the plunge. We didn't trust it. I look at it the other way. I think we single-handedly. Can you hear House's chair in the background?

I can't hear it. Okay, good. There might be somebody driving right now wondering why there's squeaking. There's some glute work going on right now. Yeah, I think we would have single-handedly switched the outcome of that game. I see. We would have been looking at a Green Bay-Tennessee Super Bowl. Yeah.

I mean, the most exciting thing was the Packers really seeming poised for the dumbest cover of all time. Oh, yeah. Where the seven and a half, house and I were watching with Kyle, not even thinking about the spread, just, you know, kind of monitoring it for no real reason.

And then all of a sudden house points out that one more Packers touchdown would have been the cover. The, I, my biggest surprise today was I actually think that game played in Tennessee's hands and was set up perfectly for them. Yeah. I'm not sure what happened

because they were able to move the ball down, you know, downfield over and over again. They got the ball with four minutes left and it was 17-14, they're up. Chiefs felt like they were getting a little momentum. And it just seemed like the Titans were just going to get their two first downs. We're going to halftime, They had a three-point lead.

But for whatever reason, they just couldn't keep the Derrick Henry thing going. And I'm not totally sure what Kansas City was doing. They were stacking the line. They were doing the video game in gauge eight, which at that point, if you're Tennessee, you're just doing Henry and play action. For some reason, they kind of started, you know, either Henry was getting stopped at the line or they weren't doing and play action. For some reason, they kind of started, either Henry was getting stopped at the line or they weren't doing the play action.

They lost the momentum. Mahomes makes one of the great plays in conference championship history. Flips the game. And then even in the third quarter, they still had a chance to come back. And they just couldn't get a drive going. I was really surprised by that.

Well, I was looking. Well, first of all, that second half, aside from the last couple drives in the fourth quarter, very reminiscent offensively of the second half against the Patriots, in which I don't want to open up an old wound here, but they did nothing in the second half offensively against the Patriots. They really couldn't move the ball. But you're right.

If you're in the camp that, you know what, the Chiefs are just not getting beat. Doesn't matter. They were down 24-0 to the Texans. They came back from that. There was some weird stuff in this game. 33rd and 22, pass interference play against the Chiefs. Stupid.

Sets up a first down. Fourth and two. Henry's not even in the backfield, and they convert the fourth down. Tennessee. You got the fattest guy ever to catch a touchdown pass. Right. Guy Kelly. He does it like it's,

it's amazing. They got caught off guard on a fake punt. Like so many weird things happen. And yet Casey, not only one, but one handily, like they were up 18 at one point, weren't they?

Yeah. And control the game. And at some, at one point it just seemed like they were going to score every time they got the ball. So Casey four minutes minutes left second quarter. They get the ball on their own 25. Henry for one yard.

Henry gets stuffed. Tannehill has to dump it to Deion Lewis. And they end up punting with 230 left. And that enabled Casey to score the go-ahead touchdown. Third quarter, they get a stop at the beginning of the half. Get the ball back. Henry rushes for four.

Henry, no gain. Henry, no gain, but then they get a penalty, and it goes from third and one to third and 10. Tannehill scrambles nothing, so they have to punt on that one. And then even the third time, when it was 28-17, it seemed like they were going to have one long drive again, and they just couldn't get it going. And it was weird.

It felt like Henry wasn't involved enough, but at the same time, it did feel like the Chiefs figured out how to stop him, which I think, if you're a Chiefs fan, has to give you hope for this Super Bowl against the Niners. Yeah. So he was 19. Well, that's the thing. If you like the Chiefs,

you like the fact that they're invincible. It doesn't matter what odds are stacked against them, although this has happened at home, so maybe there'll be a different story in Miami. But Henry was 19 for 69, and I saw you could get really good odds. Like 110 was about the highest I've ever seen for a running back in the playoffs,

for over, under, for yards. But you could get like under 90. You get like plus 280 or three to one. I'm like, God, he could have 88 yards and still be effective. But you're right. The Chiefs played it tough. They weren't going to allow the 35 yard run from Henry. He had 69 yards and Tannehill, like you said,

he had been hitting at an 80% clip, even though his numbers were dismal the last two games, still throwing for 80% on play action. And they kind of abandoned that or the chiefs play tough against it. And the biggest thing though, my biggest takeaway is you have to pressure Mahomes. It sounds so simple, but you have to pressure him. And in a way that he can't, I don't know if I've ever seen a right-handed quarterback take off running down the left sideline so well. Like, oh my God, he doesn't have the angle at all. It's like, wow, he does. And then he turns it up for an extra like six or eight yards. He was phenomenal. Eight for 53 on the ground. And that's what really

sealed it, I thought. Yeah. He created some plays with his legs. None of which, House, you were on an airplane. Don't kill United yet. We're going to do that later. But you were able to see Mahomes scramble around in your little airplane. House's plane got delayed five hours today. No. That was one of the reasons we lost on our Titans bet. Because we win when we're together. United kept us apart. That should be their new slogan.

United Airlines, we keep loved ones apart. So that was it. But Mahomes was great. And by the way, I was talking about those three drives. So let's walk through this really quick. Tennessee's down four third quarter. They get a stop. They get a first and five off a penalty.

Henry runs for four. Now it's second and one. They're on their own 41. Henry gets stuffed on second and one. Then on third and one, gets stuffed again and they get the holding penalty. So they went from a second and one to going backwards and they had to punt.

They get over midfield. You know, now you can do the play action. You can take some shots. And I thought that was the key moment of the game. The other one obviously was the Mahomes. Not only that, how incredible that scramble was, but how awful the tackling was. And it's almost like,

if you let Mahomes score in that play, you don't deserve to go to the Super Bowl. That play's got to haunt them. But I think we all thought... By the way, I texted you knuckleheads when they were down 17-7. I was like, Casey, still minus one fit. We can get them at 150 now. Again, crickets. That's it. We're done.

The rest of the year, we can't have, we can't capitalize on Kansas City like that. But I thought the key was the third quarter, and we all thought the same thing. When they were up 21-17 at half, like, all right, the Chiefs get the ball. If they score first drive of the half, this game's over. It's worse what they did. Nothing happened the entire quarter. They scored, I think, the last play or two plays before the they nothing happened the entire quarter they scored i think the last

play or two plays before the last play of the third quarter right now you're taking 25 of the game away from tennessee to come back and uh yeah they had a long drive yeah because and that goes back to that key point at the beginning of the third it was so set up for henry to start wearing the chiefs down and when they couldn't get over the hump at midfield and then all of a sudden they just didn't have the ball anymore and and now you're playing from behind. Now you're doing stuff you don't have to normally do. You mentioned Mahomes. A couple things with that.

You know, as I look at my mortality as a Patriots fan, and House is just, I think he's dead as a Redskins fan. He's dead inside. Do you even examine your mortality as a Redskins fan or no? Riverboat Ron, Jack Del Rio. What are you talking about? House is in a massage food coma right now. Is there a setting where you could have your mortality

massage? House, figure it out. It's right in there right now. But Mahomes, watching him create first downs on third down with his legs and doing the old video game routine where it's like, I'm going to send all my receivers out. I'm going to wait But Holmes, watching him create first downs on third down with his legs. Yeah. And doing the old video game routine where it's like, I'm going to send all my receivers out.

I'm going to wait a second. Then I'm just going to scramble nine yards to get another first down. And you start to think like, man, can you win the Super Bowl anymore if you don't have a quarterback like that? Well, I think we're going to find out. I mean, that's exactly what we're going to find out with Jimmy G, who, what do you have, like 77 passing yards? By the way, let's throw passer rating out of there. Let's retire it for good because he had 104.7 passer rating. It doesn't measure

efficiency, nothing else. They should make a rule that your passer rating can't be higher than your total yards passed. Absolutely. I agree. It should just be stuck at the yards. I mean, he didn't throw the ball. I know we're going to move on to this game. But with two minutes left in the first half through seven and a half minutes left into the fourth quarter, he didn't throw the ball. And I know he didn't have to. But if you have a gigantic parlay with Jimmy Garoppolo to throw a touchdown on it, you don't you don't love that necessarily how they're playing.

I'm just saying I have a lot of friends who have big parlays today, and that was one of them. You asked the question, Bill, about can you win without a quarterback like that? I mean, the Super Bowl last year was Tom Brady against Jared Goff. I know, and we scored 13 points. And won! But here's the thing. We won three in four years because we had Tom Brady,

the best quarterback of all time, but it was still like a jenga stack every game where every single eight yard, everything has to be executed perfectly. He wasn't going to be able to save plays. And I just wonder going forward as football changes and continues to change and you can't hit people over the middle

and there's just more and more D-backs out there and everybody's doing the same things, whether the traditional old school Manning on the Colts, Brady on the Pats type of quarterback is somebody that teams will even think about anymore. Yeah, your LSU guy, that dude can create some plays with his legs.

I wouldn't even consider a quarterback who couldn't move. No, I know. Would you ever in a million years draft somebody who couldn't move around? You can't anymore. But let's just say we saw Patrick Mahomes the cleanest pockets have been in a while. True.

I think Green Bay would have done a nice job with him with Preston and Darius Smith and Blake Martinez. But 49ers have guys who are all over the ball too. Bosa, Kwon, Alexander. They're very disruptive. That's the only way you're going to beat the ball too. Bosa, Kwon, Alexander, they're very disruptive. That's the only way you're going to beat someone like that. You know, I was thinking, Mahomes gets hurt.

And actually, it looks like he blew out his knee in that game. And I was watching when it happened. Did the QB sneak? And I think he dislocated his kneecap or whatever it did. They popped it back in. And then watching them the next few weeks, and he just wasn't right. You could see it.

It wasn't a secret. He couldn't really move around he's limping and his throws were off and the whole thing now he had 406 yards when he came back against tennessee no but remember he remember he he just didn't look the same he doesn't look like he didn't look like he did today like he wasn't moving around like a you know athlete extraordinaire. He's at his best running-wise. Yeah. And I wonder if we missed a huge gambling opportunity because the injury he had, he was going to be fine by mid-December. And you think about what the Chiefs have looked like when he's healthy and the speed that they have

that you've talked about on this podcast with the receivers and Kelsey and the whole thing. And it's like, how did we not see this coming? Well, can we blame United Airlines? House, can you say you didn't get my text saying Casey's minus 150? Alert, we got to jump on this. Can you, I mean,

I know you're just going to get like three drink coupons out of this, but. I'm even talking for the AFC in general, though, because everybody just handed the AFC to the Ravens. Yeah. I can't speak right now because this thing is in my back. It's all the way up.

All right, take it. We'll handle it, House. You'll come back to us at some point. I'm working on it. I'm sorry, House. I didn't speak right now because this thing is in my back. We'll handle it, House. You'll come back to us at some point. I'm working on it. I didn't see that text. I'm sorry to involve you. I screwed up. Yeah.

It's a bad job. Bad job talking to one of the hosts of the podcast. You shouldn't have done that. But yeah, I think that's something to remember going forward when a key guy on a team has an injury, but it's an injury that they're going to be fine. It's not like a broken arm or a broken wrist or a team has an injury, but it's an injury that they're going to be fine. It's not like a broken arm or a broken wrist or a torn

ACL, but something that the guy's going to recover at some point. That offense is ridiculous. Damian Williams, I actually thought they could have run the ball more than they did on Tennessee. It seemed like it was five, six yards every time. They might have just been tired. I think everything you talked about

last week with Der Derek Henry and like, Oh, nobody does this three games in a row. Well, it's the fourth game. I mean, I'm including the Texans, the last,

the last game of the season where Henry went crazy too, but they did look, they did look a little exhausted over there. And it, it did seem cold because when I really got concerned about the Titans covering was when they showed that Tannehill moving the iPad with his nose. Oh, right. And his hands were in like these two basically plaster casts trying to warm up.

And he just didn't see. And then on the other sideline, Mahomes is, you know, strutting around and doing his whole thing. And you think about, and they're going to compare. We'll talk about that, the Super Bowl matchups and everything, but Kelsey, not a big game. He looked like the Kelsey that didn't care about catching passes or going to a knee. I think he only had 30 yards.

And then you got Sammy Watkins. It's just a track meet. You have silver medalists everywhere on that field. So I have a Chiefs fan who texted me early in the fourth quarter and said, this game is Andy Reid's Mona Lisa and at that point Andy was throwing a perfect game and then it all falls apart with

six minutes left when down 18 on fourth and 15 the Titans pull the old oh my god we're so disheveled we might not get this punt off and then run the fake punt pass and the Chiefs are completely blindsided. Right.

They had no idea. It's like the game's over in six minutes. What do you think they were going to do? And then the Titans go down and score and it seemed like they actually might cover from that. But between that and they get the ball back and they run six passes, I'm sorry, six plays

and somehow only burned one Tennessee timeout. And it just had all the makings, but then the pass interference. And he kept all his timeouts, right, Andy? He didn't have to worry about that. That was a big thing. But Andy, he pulled off a challenge today. Yeah. That happened.

He got just a lot of praise all over the place. People feel really happy for him. It goes back to what Peter Schrager said on my podcast on Thursday about Ethan Hawke casually telling him in some coffee shop that it just felt like this was Andy Reid's year. And that's a good theory. Like Belichick gets knocked out.

Lamar just runs into this bizarre Titans team that just cold cocks them, pulls a Douglas Tyson on him. And now they're in the Superbowl against his team, that house. I'm not sure. I didn't get the feeling today that the Niners have a hundred percent faith in their quarterback.

Well, they don't necessarily need to win with him. Right. He's the, he's a, he's a game manager. Shanahan has, has,

uh, resolved that last week after he threw the pick at the end of the second quarter against Minnesota. He came out. That's exactly right. Jimmy, you're you have the scooter for the next quarter. You have to ride the bike.

He's got the driver's permit, but a parent has to be in the car. That's exactly right. The parents have not let him do the car yet. I want to talk about that game in one car. That's exactly right. The parents have not let him do the car yet. I want to talk about that game in one second. Let's take a break. Hey, did you know you can take a Sonos speaker anywhere you can go? It's the Sonos Move, the durable battery-powered smart speaker for indoor and outdoor listening.

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S-O-N-O-S.com. Okay, Niners, Packers. I wish there was more to talk about in this one. Then I, the over hit early. The Niners looked awesome. Most are looked, um,

as good as Derek Henry on his best day. Debo is terrifying. Kittle didn't really do that much. Uh, the defense was swarming and it felt like this game was over pretty early. And then Rogers did a valiant effort for the cover. But did you learn anything from this game? Well,

I learned, I thought I already knew this, but speed wise. Now just watching these games, the chiefs, a number one in the AFC, they're far and away the fastest team, 49ers,

really fast defense, all facets, special teams, even fast. And, and if you could run, yeah, you said it, Jimmy G, we're going to learn a lot here. Can you win a Super Bowl with a quarterback?

He really Tannehill them. He threw like he was six for eight at one point, very, very late in the game. And they were just destroyed on the ground. And Tevin Coleman, like you said, got hurt. Raheem Mostert, did you know he was on six teams? This is his seventh team. Yeah, and he's kind of quietly 27 years old, isn't he?

Or 28, something like that. Yeah, he's been playing. I mean, he's got like 300 total yards since 2015 before this year. He was on Miami, Cleveland, Baltimore, Chicago, and San Francisco. But it's hard to believe that Raheem Mostert could potentially decide who's going to win this Super Bowl. It's very, very strange, but Rodgers really never just had a chance. They kind of did to 49ers what they did to the Packers what the Packers did to Seattle last week.

Yeah. I don't know. It's cool to see the 49ers good again. They're just one of those teams. We grew up. They were good. They never changed their uniforms, which I really appreciate. They have real history with some of the legends. I thought it was interesting with the Chiefs, even though that team's been around our entire life. It's like, oh, the Chiefs legends are on the field. I don't know who that would be, whereas the Niners can just trot out Steve Young and Montana. Oh, sure. Rice and whoever they have. But yeah, it was just a cool day. Like if you're a Niners fan, everything went right except for the Tevin Coleman thing.

You're coming out of that game being like, wow, we can do this. Our team is so clearly superior to all the other NFC teams. And I think as we head toward the Super Bowl, it's clear that the Chiefs, the Ravens, and the Niners were the three best teams. And the Ravens, you know, everything went wrong that game.

I'm sure if you play that game 10 times, maybe they win five or six, but it was just a bad matchup for them in a lot of ways. But I think that was the class of the league this season. It feels like these are the right two teams, which doesn't always happen.

We go to Super Bowls and it's always like one team's the right team and the other one's like, how the fuck did that team get in there? And this year, it's like the two right teams. Yeah, this is good. San Francisco, they did it. They beat the Pack And this year it's like the two right teams. Well, this is good. I think San Francisco, they did it. They, you know,

they beat the Packers twice. They beat new Orleans in new Orleans. And I think we take it for granted. We don't realize what they've done. I feel like they've been good for so long, but they weren't good last year. They were very bad last year and coming back and playing in the best division in football.

You have to beat Seattle. You have to beat the Rams. And they did it. They did it handily. They were heads and shoulders above those teams, I thought. They're really good. I'm excited for this Super Bowl matchup, except for the colors. The colors suck. I know

you said they never changed their uniform. Maybe they should. I like the red on red here. What were you going to say, Hess? Just that I felt like we were cheated with the Saints. The four best teams were the Saints, the Niners, the Chiefs, and the Ravens over the course of the season. And the Saints laid an egg against the Vikings.

They cheated us. Win a goddamn home game, yeah. Exactly. The more I think about that Saints game, because I'm with you, I thought they were the second best team. Or maybe Minnesota was, or maybe it was too A to B.

But the whole quarterback thing was so weird. And I thought about this well after the fact, well, after we did the podcast about it that night, the whole concept of just not sticking with the same QB all game and bringing in the other QB for certain plays. And just, it just doesn't work. Like what are the examples of where it's like, Oh, remember when that team did this and they won the Super Bowl? Because I remember Pittsburgh used to do this in the early Cordell days.

And I just don't like it. I don't think it's a good idea. You're talking about the Saints. I'm talking about the Saints. Like, because then if you're Breeze subconsciously, you're never totally in a rhythm. You're jogging to the sidelines four or five times during the course of a game. And then have you also deep down your coach is saying

this is my best chance for a first down if you're not on the field which is just kind of odd like indy reed's never taking mahomes off the field well yeah i know but but i think if you ask the saints fans probably maybe 60 of them would have wanted tasem hill to play the whole game after seeing the version of drew breeze you were getting in the second quarter. Yeah, but that's my point. That was kind of their fatal flaw. They had this backup quarterback that their fans are like, man, when this guy's in, some good shit happens. It's funny you say, okay, we'll take Mahomes and Brees. Obviously, one's much older than the other. And I thought Brees, I thought the four weeks off or whatever it was, that would help. It's like, hey,

he's got a 12-game season. That's good. Yeah. He's late 30s. This is going to be, this is going to work out for him. It didn't work great for Mahomes because he wasn't as sharp,

as you say, at least running the ball wise when he first came back. But he eventually is now right there at the top, number one in the game. But yeah, you thought the Saints really screwed it up.

They screwed it up for me. They screwed it up for everybody. Yeah, I was thinking about the Mahomes thing and how everybody was just so Lamar, Lamar, Lamar, Lamar, including myself. I absolutely loved watching Lamar. We were the same with Mahomes last year. All Mahomes did was just have some bad luck and get hurt.

And then he just became this afterthought to the rest of the season. And I was trying to think how's has, was there an NBA season where something like this happened? Well, sure. We we've had seasons where guys win the MVP based on their regular season performance, but they're not,

nobody thinks that they're, it's the best guy in the league or that he even deserved the MVP. It's like new star syndrome. Because I was thinking about... Steve Nash stole from Shaq an MVP one of those years. Right. I was thinking more like when Barkley won in 93,

but we knew MJ was the best player. I guess what's different with this Mahomes thing is we kind of stopped thinking Mah MJ was the best player. I guess what's different with this Mahomes thing is we kind of stopped thinking Mahomes was the best player. Whereas we left last year knowing that he was the best player. And just because they had a weird start to the season, uh, it, we just kind of got thrown off the scent. Now he hasn't won a title and you can't officially become the guy until you have a ring. But from a basketball standpoint, I don't know. Maybe it's like the 09 when LeBron took over the league and he won his first MVP, but then Dwight Howard knocked him out

and Kobe ended up winning his title. And it was like, oh, Kobe's the best player. Where the whole year we thought it was LeBron. So maybe it's something like that. I think this team is also focused and they think they were the best team last year. And they might have been. They really might have been. I mean, Dee Ford, it's something like that. I think this team is also focused, and they think they were the best team last year, and they might have been. They really might have been. I mean, Dee Ford, if he does like any other smart defensive lineman does

and blows off his fingertip in a fireworks accident, he's not off sides. And they make it to the Super Bowl against a lethargic Rams team. Who knows? Maybe the game would have been different. And now if that happens, we're talking about Mahomes building a dynasty. So I think they feel like they're behind the eight ball right now.

This is way behind where they should be. Well, and it is one of those things where setup wise, if they were able to pull off the Super Bowl, they are kind of set up. Like they'll definitely be the favorite next year. Sure. Whereas San Francisco, I'm not sure sure i think from a contract standpoint they're actually better off this year

maybe than going forward although they do have some young guys but the garoppolo contract's pretty heavy uh when i was thinking about with most are today how dumb it is like first of all i still defend the saquon barkley pick just because I thought he was a better bet than the quarterbacks that got taken after them. But just in general, when you can make the Super Bowl with some guy who's on six teams, do you just feel dumb that your team paid all that money for Zeke Elliott? Do you wish that hadn't happened now? I guess. But Derrick Henry almost took the Titans to the Super Bowl. Yeah, but he was like a backup for four years.

That's how you want to build your team. No, I get it. I get it. You're going to get that every now and then. And it's been, you know, who got the Rams there? Yeah, it's the claim jumper Anderson, right? What was his name? The big guy, C.J. Anderson. Yeah, so for the most part,

I think you're right. Belichick has been on this forever. After the one time he spent money was cory dylan and we needed him and football was a little different back then in 04 but right from that point on it was like late first rounders running back by committee etc etc kyle and i had a moment you know who cares about coach belichick honestly i was so excited i really wanted to talk about him. I'm sorry.

I saw the Aaron Hernandez doc. I'm down. The Red Sox cheating again. Boston sports should just take a three-year break. They should all be in massage lounge chairs like Joe House right now. The Robert Kraft massage chair is terrific. Yeah. Boston.

I'm sure the Bruins, we're going to find out. Their goalies, their goals at home were four inches shorter, smaller, you know, or something. Let's just take a break, Boston. There's been no Red Sox evidence that's come out yet. It's just our manager cheated on his previous team. He's going to be banned for life. Well, the crazy thing is he's more of a persona non grata than A-Rod.

Well, what do you mean? Why is that the crazy thing? A-Rod is like the all-time liar slash cheater. And it just took a victory lap for the last two years. It is the Sunday night baseball guy. And everybody loves A-Rod again. Alex Cora is going to like have to get a job at Home Depot. I mean, the Red Sox should never

bring up Starod. You got such a great pass on that. Such a great pass that none of your stars were implicated, even though mentioned in all the Mitchell reports. The thing is, who wasn't cheating in baseball? And who doesn't cheat in baseball? This is so much worse.

Isn't it so much worse than the Starod? We could tell by looking at the guys before they even came out with the reports that guys in the seventies players were much smaller than guys in the nineties. We just, we just knew it. So it's like, we just assumed that it was equal cheating on each team,

but the stealing signals. Well, you remember when Brady Anderson went from 18 homers to 50 and 96, right? How nuts everybody went about that. It was like one of the main talking points of that season. Right. And he was like a singles hitter of the Red Sox.

I think I'm just bummed because it's three weeks from pitchers, catchers, and we don't have a manager. It's insane. You don't either. I think the Mets, you've made history in a bunch of different ways since you stole the 86 World Series from me.

Now you're on year 34 of the drought. I think being in the cheating scandal without actually having cheated was like a really incredible job by the Mets. That's good. Where you literally didn't do anything and you were still in it. Yeah.

I was like, you know what? The Mets are going to somehow end up with Jason Garrett. I'm going to have to run into traffic repeatedly. Yeah, I don't know. I look at it this way. Half of my teams haven't cheated. Good. Who's the

other one? No cheating with the Celtics. Holy Cross? Oh, the Celtics. The 2011 Bruin Stanley Cup before I abandoned hockey. That was... No cheating with that one. The Paul Pierce wheelchair? That wasn't cheating? That was mind games.

We're going to find out something there. That was... The timing of the Hernandez documentary wasn't helping. Although I do want to point out, he only played with us for three years. People act like he was... First of all, we never won a Super Bowl with him. And I think he played 38 games total. He played six playoff games.

His only real good season was 2011. But yeah, I watched that whole documentary. And I thought it kept my attention the whole time. You admit that he's at least tangentially tied to some of these crimes? What the hell? You know, it tries to make these, I don't want to say case, but bring up the possibilities like, oh, man, this guy was battling some demons and maybe he had CTE and it's like,

or maybe he was just a piece of shit. Yeah. Maybe he was just an unredeemable piece of shit who somebody bumped into at a nightclub and he decided to shoot the guy. I agree. I think, well, I say PCP over CTE if you're going to blame anything.

It seemed like every time he smoked something, he was then staring at Mad Dog and someone at a bar that he didn't meet the night before. We had both. We had the CTE and the PCP. I think he did. It was a combination of facts. Can we all agree no more Aaron Hernandez content?

Can we be done now? Oh, sure. I can see why you wouldn't want it. Two different podcasts. We had a documentary. There was a book. I think we're all good now. Yeah. Right? Good enough. We get it. Not a good a book. I think we're all good now. Yeah. Right? Good enough. We get it.

Not a good guy. Bad guy. Cautionary tale. Bad guy. Cautionary tale for what? The culture. You're right. We'll move on to the next mass hole.

I agree. There's got to be plenty. That 08 Celtics title is fucking pristine, man. I just look back at that. No asterisks. No cheating scandals. Just Ubuntu. Wait, which one?

The KG title. You mean after Kevin McHale walked KG on the silver platter? Nah, that was good trade. We gave up more than that. He gave up nothing. More than enough. The one where KG buys this illegal gem and gets superpowers from it? Really?

That's not a tainted title? Can we talk about Aaron Rodgers really quickly? Yeah. 10 years now since that Super Bowl run that he had. I think he's 6-7 in the playoffs now. Yeah, and 1-3 in championship games. Is that it? Yeah, and there's been some ass-kickings

out of the seven losses too. And now he's hitting, I think he turns 36 next year. And, you know, if you're going to make the case for them, part of the case had to be that 97 Broncos, 98 Broncos kind of vibe where it's more of a running team,

but you still have the great quarterback. I'm not ready to pile dirt on him yet. I just want to point out, he's only won one Super Bowl and has only been in one Super Bowl. Right? Yeah. I mean, it's hard to get to Super Bowls

except in your case. It really is, I think. But this was a guy a couple years ago during that unbelievable run he had in 2017 when he dragged that team to the title game. We were talking about him as the best quarterback, not just in the league,

but potentially of all time. Like the most talented. So what year was that? He won Super Bowl MVP that year. 2017. Oh, he won the Super Bowl in 2010, but it was when they lost to the Falcons when he put the Packers on his back.

So he was 26 years old when he won that. Yeah. Yeah, now he's the Packers on his back. So he was 26 years old when he won the, yeah. Yeah, now he's going to be 36. Right. I would personally, with all due respect to Rodgers, and I thought he was fantastic, and I thought he should have been one of the 10 quarterbacks that they picked in NFL 100. I think Mahomes is a higher level of him, talent-wise.

What, all time or right now? No, I'm just saying ceiling of his talent. I think he's more talented than Rodgers is. And I always thought Rodgers was kind of the most talented quarterback. You know what I mean? House is like either considering this or the massage chair is working on his boots. House, what do you think? It's kind of weird.

I'm having a hard time with the... I'm talking pure talent. Pure talent. Like what we saw from Mahomes those last two games, I don't know what the hole is. It's like if you're going to do a scouting report

and just rate all of these different qualities from one to ten, I'm not sure what's lower than a nine. He can do every single thing. And he's got a fucking cannon. I don't think there's anything. I mean, he could throw behind his back also. He could do trick shots too, so it doesn't really matter. I mean, those

third downs that he was running and turning into first downs today were out of control. They were Russell Wilson-esque. What does Lamar Jackson do with those receivers, though? No, I don't think that's the missing piece here with Jackson. We need to see Jackson one time in a proper pressure situation come through, put the team on his back.

He's gotten a pretty nice white glove kind of treatment so far. Well, he's young. He's like 22. So is Mahomes. He's like 22. So is Mahomes. He's younger than Sal's LSU buddy. Right. Sal's going to be on the Bengals next year. You might see Sal buy a Bengals hat.

He loves that guy. I love that Baker's the fourth best quarterback in the division. If Big Ben comes back at even 70%. Oh my God. The poise of Mahomes is what distinguishes him. And he showed it last year. And the leadership.

Yes. Because he was doing it again today. Absolutely. That team's down 10 and everybody believes in what's going on. Okay. Last year, Crown Royal launched the first off the field water break to encourage fans of the game to moderate and hydrate, to stay in the game, whether you're watching in the stadium at home or in a massage chair, have a great time.

Enjoy some Crown. Don't be that person that ruins it for everyone. Make the right call. Take a water break. So, Sal, who made the right call this week or not? I think I did. I want to give it to myself. I bet Conor McGregor.

I had him all over the place. I should have really reached out to you, Yahoo's. I knew it was easy. I talked to Dana White on my podcast. I could tell in his voice. He was trying to make it more of an even matchup than it was. So I took Conor McGregor. Not only did I take him, I took him inside 60 seconds, 16 to 1 odds on Fox. Because I love that.

Why didn't we get the tip? I know. I know. You were stuck on a flight somewhere. I don't know where you were. I probably was. United. Good job by me.

16-1. Terrific. That's a really good one. Do you have a great call this week, Cass? Well, I did hit, on the very last playoff game, an absolutely ridiculous parlay. I put together the San Francisco Moneyline with Jimmy Garoppolo under 242.5 yards. That's beautiful. And the over.

Nice. The 47-point point over and it came through but like plus 330 and it's tough to bet under a pass of a quarterback's yard total and win the over for the game you really painted yourself in a corner and uh yeah you you told me i was betting against myself well which is why i'm an expert at that. My great call of the week. I didn't have the best gambling playoff so far, but I did put for plus 375 a sizable wager on the Niners before the Super Bowl, which now we're going to have to figure out how I lose money on that when I have favorable odds. Crown Royal reminds everyone this football season, take a water break and moderate to stay in the game.

Guess the lines. Super Bowl 54. I picked the Chiefs by three points over the Niners. Sal, what did you have? Well, let me just say, we were tied for the year going into this week. You picked the Chiefs by three.

I also picked the Chiefs by three. How anticlimactic. That needs to be a tiebreaker somehow. No, our tiebreaker is going to be we have to do XFL lines for week one XFL. Seriously, we got to do it. We need a winner. No, Pro Bowl is out. We got to do week one XFL.

Let's do it. The Richmond Rough Riders had the AFC minus two and a half before today. They stuck with that. They opened Chiefs minus two and a half over the 49ers. It went down to pick them. And now it's back up to Chiefs minus one and a half. 54 is the over-under. What did you have, House?

I would have said two and a half. Oh, all right. So House would have won. You didn't let House pick. Sorry. House didn't fight for himself because he's basically horizontal right now. I pushed the Chinese button. I'm doing the Chinese massage right now. Oh, you're doing the Chinese massage?

Yeah. I told you to check out the Chinese one. That was a good one. It is. I like it. Yeah. All right. So I'm trying to remember.

This has only happened a handful of times, right? When we've had a Super Bowl line that was under three. Under three? Yeah. Yeah. The Pats were minus two and a half. Last year. Last year.

Right. Against the Rams. In 2015, Seahawks-Pats was a pick-em. Broncos-Seahawks, minus two and a half. Pats-Giants in 2012 was a minus two and a half. And then before that, you have to go back to 1982 49ers minus one wow yeah dolphins minus one in 1973 colts minus two and a half in 1971 so it's only happened this is the eighth time it's happened but weirdly it's happened one two three this would be the fourth

time in the last right seven hats of favor by three over the Falcons. I don't know why I said the other way. Yeah, that's something. It's going to be good. And most of the games ended up close with the small spreads, right? Right. Yeah. Because they know. So where do you think this line ends up? I think there's going to be

a solid game for equal betting or big betting on both sides. You might see a mattress Mac put a million dollars on something late in the game, but I don't know. I mean, see, the public I think more or less goes with the

better quarterback, so I think the Chiefs could tick up a point, but I don't think it'll get to three. I would say it's going to land at two and a half. Yeah, because I think there's going to be a lot of Chiefs momentum. This is the year for Andy Reid, et cetera, et cetera. So we'll do props next week. I did want to introduce to you guys.

I made a quickie list of the most annoying Super Bowl storylines that we can. Oh, good. And you can chime in some after. All right. These are in no particular order. Andy Reid is greater than you thought he was. I think that's going to be one storyline. A lot of Andy Reid love.

A lot of... He may have never won a Super Bowl, but his peers will tell you. He's one of the best coaches ever to do it. Nice. You'll be hearing a lot of that. Let me just interrupt you there. Yeah.

I know you're being facetious, maybe. He's a Hall of Famer, right? Now that we see the Cowers in. Once Cower got in, it was done. That's not like Hench and Brad were like, oh, yeah, Andy. Come on, Andy. He's on. I'm like, he has 15 double-digit win seasons.

He's getting it. Also, he's had some 12-4s and 13-3s and playoff wins with some pretty kind of forgettable quarterbacks. The Super Bowl, two different teams. Yeah. House would have taken him the last 15 years

for the Redskins. Believe me. Another annoying Super Bowl storyline. That Travis Kelsey is a character. See something? Well, I mean,

is he wacky or what? Kelsey and Kittle. Which one's a bigger character? Kelsey will be going for it, though. I'm telling you, Kelsey. Kelsey, I bet, has a team around him

who's like, Travis, if you win the Super Bowl, if we play our cards right, we think we can get the State Farm commercial in 2020. Right. And we think we can get a beer, and we think we can get a car. I think we can get three commercials for you. Another annoying Super Bowl storyline. Richard Sherman, parentheses,

filling some sort of controversy that he's going to generate at some point over the next two weeks. That's a lot. That'll happen, right? Yeah. He's going to insult somebody, bring up some touchy point that no other player would bring up. My prediction, and by the way,

I hope he does this because somebody at the Super Bowl has to do this, is he's the one who will make the Rooney rule a real issue in a whole 36 hour talking point. He's going to use the stage to he's a really smart guy. He's not afraid of anything and he loves stirring shit. I think he will not be

afraid. I'm going to say he spits on Guillermo during media day. That's a very positive. Or he could go that way. It could go anyway. Another one. Another annoying Super Bowl storyline. Kyle Shanahan. His parents are proud of him.

Super. He learned everything there was to learn from his dad. Hold on. Do you have some violins? Can I get the Vaseline camera that Barbara Walters uses? The little hazy camera? Mom, can you get some tears going? I'm ready for that 11-minute segment.

That'll be good. I don't know if you know this. This is the first time in NFL history the dad and the son both coached the Super Bowl. What? I don't know if you heard that one. Another annoying Super Bowl storyline. Aaron Hernandez was a bisexual serial killer. I think that's going to come up.

What? I think that one's going away. Netflix won't stop running. Tyreek Hill and Frank Clark, they have some baggage. People will be kicking the tires on that. Right. Here's another one.

Lamar Hunt would have loved this. Oh, yeah. It's like, yeah, he probably would have. But, you know, people die in football. The owners, and then they die, and they pass their team to their family. Not just in football, in life. Yeah.

Death happens. People die. I'm sure he would have loved this, but he's not here. That documentary told me it's just in football. Just in football. Yeah, and Hank Stram, how many times are we going to see that?

Him on the sidelines, right? The Chiefs, it's been 50 football. Just in football. Yeah, and Hank Stram. How many times are we going to see that? Him on the sidelines, right? Really miss these guys. It's been 50 years since they made the Super Bowl. Yeah, it happens. So that just in general. During the course of 50 years, people die. And then why did the Patriots trade Jimmy Garoppolo? Because most of the pieces are out there for the jigsaw puzzle

for somebody to write the giant piece of how it was really a spite trade by Belichick, who I think Seth Wickersham's reporting, and he was on this pod a couple weeks ago. I think he was right. I think Belichick shopped into one team, and he wanted to put him with a coach that he really liked, that he thought he could succeed with. And somehow the Patriots are going to be involved in the Super Bowl. Not that anyone cares, but who is Belichick rooting for? Oh, a thousand million percent, Jimmy G. Really? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Because then he could still claim to be the AFC king. Yeah. Any other annoying Super Bowl storylines you feel like on the horizon? I don't know that these are annoying, but I would say that all the quarterbacks

that played for both teams. It's actually an extensive list. It's not just Montana. It's DeBerg, Bono, Gerbach, Alex Smith. You're very familiar with him, right? God, that's weird. Yeah, five teams. I'm glad he has two legs still.

Yeah, this is not Bears-Packers. This is Chiefs-Niners, five players. The D-Ford trade. The whole D-Ford thing. That'll be big. Played last year on this team. D-Ford cost them a Super Bowl last year. Now he's trying to cost them one this year. That's a good one. Basically, they got McCall Hardman for them. They got a second round pick

and became McCall Hardman. Let's see. Jimmy G's season ended in 2018 at the hands of the Chiefs. That'll be annoying. That was week three. What do I want to do? Not as big a deal, but they picked Solomon Thomas over Mahomes.

The Niners did. Right. Yeah, that'll be a whole all the teams that passed on Mahomes. People will get two days out. All the teams that screwed up by trading Raheem Mostert there, the 16th, Miami, Cleveland, Baltimore, Chicago, lands in San Francisco.

And what about this? Jimmy G's porn star girlfriend. Do we hear from her? Oh, yeah. I would assume she's coming on Kimmel Show on like Wednesday. Honestly, though. Our friend Brad's probably trying to book her.

You're right. I should have talked to Brad about that. Yeah, submit the name to Brad. I have a Super Bowl storyline that actually isn't that annoying. It's kind of funny. Jimmy G has a chance to win his third Super Bowl ring. Oh, interesting. Wow. One more than Peyton Manning. One more than Eli Manning. That's rude. Half as many as the goat, Tom Brady. That's rude. Three ring Jimmy. He went brady that's rude three ring jimmy he went to two as a backup and then the third one probably throwing 82 yards yeah right under 100 yards right three ring jimmy man that's a good one anything else house house is house just hates football because

first of all you're not very good at gambling on it. Although you did okay today. No, and then the Redskins thing. The Redskins thing is really starting to wear on House. No, I'm very happy. I'm just my- House, you won a lot of money on your futures. I can't say that about me or Simmons. I took all that money and immediately lost it in the playoffs. But I hit a ton of futures.

Did you really? Yeah. Yeah, it was good. Well, House's gambling time is coming up now. Golf season's upon us. We're doing? Yeah. It was good. Well, House's gambling time is coming up now. Golf season's upon us. Yeah! Are you doing some fairway rolling this week? We got a little golf preview. Absolutely. It's time. House

is really, really circling. By the way, Tennessee is, someone was driving for the cover. Oh, no. Green Bay's driving for a cover, and I'm getting a text from Harry, our friend Harry. Sung Joe M. fucking bogeyed 18 and put him out of the top five. I was going to get plus 350 on that. I was like, Harry, please friend Harry, sung Joe M, fucking bogeyed 18 and put him out of the top five. I was going to get plus 350 on that.

I was like, Harry, please. You can tell him just to text that to me. I could be sympathetic. I know. That should go right to you. Yeah, it should go right to me. I would say this is really Harry's time of year because the Australian Open just kicked off. Oh, you're right.

We have the Pro Bowl, the ZFL. We have lots of bad college basketball and weird tournaments. And all that stuff is coming. And he's deep on the golf already. We have NBA All-Star Game and the Slam Dunk Contest. We have the NHL All-Star Game. And all these weird golf tournaments are starting up. I know.

What did I miss? He loves it. I hate it. I have to do an hour-long TV show and talk about, there's no Zion this year. Who's the third best college basketball player out there? Nobody knows. This is the worst college basketball season.

I remember 06 was really bad, the J.J. Adam Morrison season, but at least that had stars and we were following and stuff. This year, it's like, you could walk down the street and say college basketball player names to people and they wouldn't know what's going on. It's the kid that Penny Hardaway bought a house for.

That's it. The best player was on Memphis. Yeah. Who could have guessed something bad was going to happen with that story? Yeah. His one-time benefactor. Yeah. It's very strange.

I am excited for all of the bad gambling that's about to come. I'm also excited that we have some fun NBA futures in play. And then I talked to you guys into Giannis MVP, which I'm not allowed to bet on, but I was like, they're going to have a potentially historic season. And he's going to average a 30-14.

That was good. I got a little upset with you because as soon as you lambasted us for not taking it hard and went average 50 over two weeks. He's definitely winning again. That team wins by their point differential right now, I think, is plus 12. It's borderline historic top three all time. They're so good defensively. We'll have our time to talk about this as the spring comes along.

They're so good defensively. All right. We'll take one more break. Then we're going to do parent corner and then talk about curb. Hey, we know you've heard of Salesforce, but if you're like a lot of people, you might not know exactly what Salesforce does. Here's what it does. It brings companies and customers together with Salesforce, different employees across your different departments, like Steve and Sales, Marion Marketing, Katie and Customer Service. They all get a single shared 360-degree view of each of your customers. So whenever your customers talk to all the people I just mentioned, they'll feel like they're having a relationship with one United company.

And one United massage chair. One United chakra. We had drug house and now we have massage house. This is unbelievable. It's on the glutes. Not a series of disconnected departments, but one united company. And second, it means that all of those people I mentioned earlier, not including house, have everything they need to make your customers happy. Not just a little happy, happy, like, wow, I love this company. They really get me. I'm never going anywhere else. Kind of happy. That kind of happy. I've loved Salesforce forever because my buddy, Steve Bishop, Bish. Yeah, I know Bish. The immortal Bish. I love Bish. Yeah. Big Salesforce guy. Oh,

great. So there you go. When Bish is happy and your customers are that happy, everyone's happy. That's how Salesforce brings companies and customers together. If that makes sense, I hope it does. To learn more, go to salesforce.com slash Simmons. All right, before we do Parent Corner, Clay Travis's team lost. You got to be happy. That was nice. Although I know it would have been great for the show for two weeks and we're going to Miami for a week, but it would have been terrible for life. So I'm happy to say goodbye to that team. Enough. What do you got for Parent Corner? I'm going to co-opt it. First of all, I'm getting in a little trouble

with Parent Corner, what I'm doing with my oldest because he listens. Oh, he got bad about last week? Season finale. I got to tame it a little bit, but I'm going to steal one from Corolla and make it mine. It ends up being mine, but we're watching football today.

Everyone settled in. It's the end of the chiefs Titans game. Like you said, there might be a untimely cover by the Titans and Adam's son announces that he has a basketball game in 25 minutes and he needs a ride. And Adam's like, well, isn't your mother driving you? She's like, yeah, she said she doesn't feel like it. So kid's got 25 minutes and then has to hear a 20-minute tirade.

And now he's got five minutes. He's like, okay, so is anyone going to drive me? That kind of thing. And finally, reluctantly, in the most reluctant way, Adam gets up and says, I hope we die in a fiery crash and walks out and takes his son to the basketball game and then i come home and uh my oldest son archie was there relays the the story to uh my wife and guess what she did instead of thinking it's funny

she is now all over adam and saying how, well, Lynette, she drives everyone everywhere. I was like, oh, that's not the point of this. And we end up getting in a fight about this. And then she claims right in the middle. She's like, I'm just telling your son that he should appreciate what he has in you. And I was like, oh, OK, well, that's good. I don't mind that.

I would never I'd never hear that. So that's good. But so I I abandoned defending and uh it was all okay but so carola's kids need to ride to uh games i have a question yeah how old is this boy he's the same he is 13 yeah what he's a teenager he's yeah i i think uber's in play you beat me to it they have uber in california why are we this? Well, so here's the thing. We did a parent corner about a month ago. And Simmons, you talked about Uber.

Yeah. And we got some nasty email. I don't know if you saw, but some Uber drivers were like, hey, you put us in a bad position if you put someone under 18 in an Uber and you put them in a bad position. I was like, oh, all right. Why is that? What does that mean?

What's the bad position? What are you talking about? I don't know. I don't know if they're legally allowed to do it. And there's all like, you know, the reports of whatever. Oh, my God. I don't know. I don't know the dark side of this.

I like I mean, there's accountability with Uber. At least you can watch the route. You can. Right. You know, you know, the identity of the driver. I mean, I don't know. I think I think safer than my wife yeah sure i think a responsible uber driver is better than an angry buzzed dad anytime do you

have a parent corner house i have a a very quick one and this is uh me thanking the the the both of you for for the example that you set i have my my kid turned nine this year and we're just now starting we're at the fledgling stages of of wrestling introducing him oh yeah to the wwe what a great stage and i started now he knows the rock and he loves the rock because the rock is a is a hero in a lot of kids movies um that he's seen um but the the gateway drug the thing that i've introduced him to so far and you guys could tell me whether or not this was a mistake uh rakishi i've been i've been i've been i first of all i showed him the videos of the stink face and then i've been just walking in and giving him a stink face. Unexpected, without any warning,

here comes the stink face. So this is a Jaya wrestle with a gigantic ass whose finishing move, whose finisher is to drop his rear end. And his other face. His other claim to fame was that when my son had a dirty diaper, he would sneak behind us and do the Rikishi stink face.

Wait, did he know? Yeah, he knew. He just saw it on the wrestling one time and he thought the stink face. If he's in a diaper, was he four? He was like, I don't know, one years old in 10 months or two years. And he knew the Rikishi then? Or maybe he invented it. I always thought he got it from Rikishi.

Maybe they're spiritual animals. My parent corner, it's a little bit of a downer, but then it ends on a good thing. So my daughter's playing high school soccer this year for her school. And she plays high forward. And she's in ninth grade. She's 14, but she's playing against women. Like there's, you know, juniors and seniors and, and it's a lot kind of nastier and more physical than club soccer is. Club soccer is one of those things where

it's also, you know, it'll have nasty moments. It'll get physical, but everybody knows what they're doing. You know, it's like when you play an awesome pickup basketball game and you're in a game where everybody knows what to do and nobody's going to get it with an elbow. There's just, it's almost like a giant ballet. High school soccer, there's some wild cards. You have some kids that maybe weren't as well trained as some of the club kids who try to make up for it by just kicking you in the back of your leg

as you're dribbling by them. The elbows are up. Way more physical. So we have this game. There's this annual extravaganza game that our school plays against Brentwood. And there was like 350 people there. And at one point, there was a goal kick that my daughter was going for, and the sweeper basically Earl Thomas her, and my daughter was Gronk,

and my daughter usually doesn't go down. She's just a strong kid. I mean, you posted that. Talk about pro wrestling. That was Roman Reigns' spear. Yeah, it was bad. I put it on Facebook just for my friends, and people were absolutely shocked that she didn't get a concussion

and all this stuff. So I've been going to these games, and she was fine. She ended up coming back in, no yellow card. And I hate Brentwood and they're the Cobra Kai of LA prep schools. But anyway, so I go to these games and I'm just terrified she's going to get hurt, you know, because it's just like, you just never know. Thursday, we're playing this team. It's near the end, we're losing. And there's a ball. It's like, it's kind of a cross that bounces and it's going toward the goal.

And Z has a chance to get a header and the goal is coming out. And these are always my worst case scenario collisions. Like if you watch soccer, if you play the high forward position, the most common play you're going to get hurt is when the goal is coming out and the high forward's going for the ball and they don't see each other and they hit heads. There's all these ways it can go bad. So every time that

happens, I just stop breathing. Collision and Z goes down and she goes down. She's not moving. Like she's just on her side, not moving. And two seconds pass, three seconds pass. She doesn't move. And I don't know what happened, but I just started walking on the field. Cause it's like, it's your kid, your kids, you think your kid's out, but as a parent, you're not supposed to go on the field. So I took two steps, but I don't even know I'm doing it. I'm just walking toward my injured kid. And then the parents on my team are like, hey, get off the field. Because you can get like a whatever. And so I realized and I hop back.

And then she gets up. First, she does kind of the Paul Pierce wheelchair where she kind of gets up and she's like feeling her jaw. And she's really mad and finishes the game. And she's just pissed off and so mad that because it turns out the goalie was trying to punch the ball and actually hit her in the chin oh but she would she as we're driving home and i'm like i i thought you were like out cold i walked on the field and she's like i was trying to get the penalty is that right i was like what the fuck i had like a heart attack the flopper her first flop.

Her first flop. She went down and she was just like, I knew it hit and it hurt. And I just thought if I lay down, maybe they'd get a yellow card. I was like, you can't do that again. That's not fair. The flop doesn't mean dead. Yeah. You got to roll around.

You got to writhe around a little bit. I was like, you got to move a little. I thought you were dead. And she's like, oh, well, I thought if I lay there longer, they might get a feeling. I was like, you got to move a little. I thought you were dead. And she's like, oh, well, I thought if I lay there longer, they might get a penalty. I was like, oh, my God. I think she needs to do something. You have to signal. Bring the Houston Astros into it.

You need a signal. You need like three flails with the right hand or something. And that's how you know she's all right. She's just milking it for the yellow. Get a buzzer in there. So high school soccer is teaching my daughter how to get the crap kicked out of her, how to flop for penalties. And that Brentwood is the Cobra Kai of LA.

That's great. And there you go. That's Paracordia. Good job by you, Zoe. Let's take one more break and then we'll do Curb Your Enthusiasm. Hey, SimpliSafe Home Security is like getting commercial grade,

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and get 350% faster. Dispatch SimpliSafe.com slash BS. That is SimpliSafe with two I's. All right, we're going to talk about Curb One Second. You have an RIP for us, though. Yeah, Rocky Johnson. I mean, he was one of the first, I remember, tag team champs with Tony Atlas.

Obviously, The Rock, Dwayne Johnson's father. Yeah, he was great. What a physique. Nothing like you've ever seen back then. And he was a talented wrestler back in the early, mid-80s. And he'll be missed. Soul Patrol was their tag team. How did they ever lose?

Look at the two of them. But that was the thing, that WWE was pretty racist back then. What? Hold on a minute. No, but they used to do this thing where Tony Atlas would always almost win the title, and then it was like,

oh, if he wasn't so dumb, he would have won the title. It was really fucked up. Oh, yeah, they would say that. It was always like he would get distracted by Captain Lobano or Freddie Blassie. He couldn't play the mental game. That's why he couldn't win the title.

And you also couldn't have two African-American wrestlers at the top of a card. Like SD Jones, whatever his fate was set early, and maybe he was going to be a jobber. But he could never rise to the level of Rocky because he couldn't have more than two right there at the top. Even Superfly Snuka, who was the most popular guy for like a year before hogan and now they could never give him the title either right because it had to be bob backham with the fucking crew cut from minnesota wherever he's from harvard step yeah rocky johnson best drop kicks of that era yeah the physicality everyone else to do the drop kicks and they would hit somebody like kind of lower sternum.

Rocky Johnson would like go for the, you know, he'd drop kick the dude's head. Yeah, way up high. He'd get you in the neck. He'd do the foot shuffle. He did a nice sunset flip. He did it all. He was one of those born too soon guys

because I think he was so athletic. The sport didn't start to get aerial until Snuka and Ricky Steamboat, mid-80s. And guys started jumping off the top rope, all that stuff. He would have, I think, done all that, but nobody did that in the 70s. Right. I agree. Yeah, he was a good deal older than Tony Atlas, too.

So when that happened, I ended up on an internet deep dive because there was always this, you know, they gave them the tag team title. And then something happened with Atlas and Rocky Johnson where they didn't get along for a little while. I listened to all those interviews. Yeah. So there's all these interviews and you could just go and there's really nothing sadder than the old wrestling interviews with the guy looks, you know, the old wrestler looks 30 years older than he actually is. And then the guy interviewing the old wrestler is always the most depressing

human being on the internet. Yeah. Maybe it's the people who make the basketball, uh, strategy instructional videos might be more depressing. I don't know. Um, but those,

the combo of those, and it's always like at some card show or in some lobby of a super eight Newark. Yeah. And it's like, Tony, what happened with you and superstar Billy Graham? Right. He, or in some lobby of a Super 8 in Newark. Yeah. And it's like, Tony, what happened with you and superstar Billy Graham?

Right. He wasn't nice to you, was he? And you know the wrestler can't remember anything, but it's just weird. There's some weird details. And then it's like, and Rocky and I, we had our differences. He talks about Rocky Johnson. He's like, yeah, he left me in an arena a couple times.

And then I found out, oh, it's because I was on drugs and I wanted to bring drugs in his car. It's like, oh, okay. That makes sense. Yeah. It's like, so I forgave him. I don't know why he doesn't have a podcast on the Rigger Podcast Network. The Curb Your Enthusiasm comes back. This show has been in our lives for 20 years. I was living in Boston and writing the Boston Sports Guy website when this show started. I didn't know Sal. Is it really that long? Yeah. 2000. Y2K. And still going. And I was a little nervous because at some point these things have to end. And I thought this was one of the funniest episodes. I was watching a bunch of them this weekend. They were having marathons on two

different HBO channels. And I hadn't seen some of them in a while. And I was watching a bunch of them this weekend. They were having marathons on two different HBO channels and I hadn't seen some of them in a while and I was just enjoying it so much. And I was just like, man, I hope they're like 70% is the new ones are 70% as good. House and I were dying. Kyle was, Kyle was keeled over. It was just really, it was a really strong one. I was happy with it. It was good. What was your best moment? What was your best moment? Cause I liked moment cuz i like the uh harvey weinstein stuff because i was thinking exactly that like two days ago driving in my car i was like you know jeff jeff garland looks like harvey weinstein a little i wonder if they'll do something with that and they nailed it and they brought it back at the end too it was great i also i loved when he broke the selfie stick. Yeah.

And then when he knocked over all the bird scooters, just casually, it's not even mentioned, he just knocks them all over. I think they're establishing that he is just, doesn't belong in this current society anymore, which is the card I had been waiting for them to play and they're finally playing it. Well, and the other thing is that they,

like blasted out of a cannon this season like usually there's about six things that bother him and it's like oh yeah that bothers me too they were like 40 we're just gonna write down all of them so i don't even care everybody he's sticking his nose in coffee he's like all right they would just heat up the coffee the guy wouldn't kick him out right but there was some good some good stuff. But I do want to say Super Dave was next. I was hoping they'd make a hologram of him or something. Obviously, he passed last January. And his wife,

Simmons, wanted a thank you. She read the article on The Ringer, Berta Einstein, and she wanted a thank you. She said that was great. That was by Justin Sales. Fellow muscle. They yeah, just the fact that it's coming back. That was by Justin Sales. Fellow muscle. That's right. The,

the, they didn't play the card today, but you know they will. Yeah. They're not, he's not going through the whole season without some sort of

Marty Funkhouser something. It'll be Marty died and left something crazy to Larry and his will or they,

it will be, it will turn into an episode. Right, Seth? Right, House? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I know there's going to be...

I bet it goes a while. Just the way that Larry takes the nugget of something, drops it in at some point, and then it'll be... I bet it's like four or five episodes worth yeah i was uh the seinfeld season was on that curb did oh yeah and and i knew i knew it was the episode and then i and you could just go online and youtube and watch it when super dave tells seinfeld the joke the joke and i was just waiting for it for 15 minutes or whatever. Your is in the sink.

Sleep that Kyle. Don't sleep that Kyle. It's my single favorite curb moment. Yeah, I think it is. It's really hard to top because you get Jerry laughing legitimately, just legitimate belly laugh. Well,

and then also we made, didn't we make him, didn't we make super Dave tell the story on your podcast about that scene? Oh, yes. Yeah, he told it. He did. Yeah, go back and listen to that too. That's a great one. It was shocking to both of us, but he was really proud of it. Right. And really praised himself, which is unlike Super Dave.

Stupid, dirty jokes more than Super Dave. Yeah. I hear him. I forget dirty jokes more than Super Dave. Yeah. I hear him. I forget him immediately. He had a catalog. Well, it's awesome that he lives on in that show. Yeah, definitely. Because I think some of the other stuff he did,

even if you watch the old series on Showtime, it's pretty dated. It feels like it belongs to a certain era. The Curb stuff is timeless. My daughter actually was watching a couple of them with us this weekend and just started getting into it. I was thinking there's just going to be

new generations that go into the show. A lot like what happened to the Seinfeld and Friends. My son and my 14-year-old and all his friends watched all the offices. I was like, this is different, but you could sink your teeth into this, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Definitely some inappropriate content, but it's okay. I'm glad it's back. I would also recommend The Outsider. I keep hearing that. Brad, our friend Randy, is killing me for not watching it. Oh, he likes it? Yeah, he loves it.

And then Homeland's coming back. Enough of that. Come on. I'm out of Homeland 2. Last year. She should have died two years ago. Oh, she's coming on the BS pod soon. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Claire. Big fan. Big fan. Big fan of your work. You meant the character

should have died. Yeah, the character, of course. Yeah, she'll live on in nine lives, that character. Yeah. Sal, what else do you have? Anything? That's it. What do we have?

Against all odds, on Wednesday, we'll go over some of the early Super Bowl props. Locking in 430 to 530 Eastern on FS1. And we're going to dinner this week. And you better eat, Simmons. I know you're like, I lost eight pounds. This is not going to be one of those things where you watch us. You need to participate.

I ate today. You did eat. We had chicken parm. We had pizza. I don't know how much of it was gluten-free. We ordered a giant John and Vinny spread. Yeah, that's why House barely talked during the pod. Well, that and the massage.

Ten pounds of food he ate and the gluten massage, the combo of it. My chakra. Oh, we never really talked about united airlines let's do that and then what happened no no no it's a i it really wasn't their fault i mean i think that's their slogan coming on against a lot they bring they bring every single everybody's loaded onto the plane 15 minutes before we're scheduled to take off, they do a safety check. Somebody outside notices that there are some nicks on the blade inside the engine. Yeah.

They think it was caused by rocks. And it was like, well, we can file it down, but then we have to see whether or not if we file it, it takes it out uh equilibrium or whatever it is there's a i can remember the calibration the term of art that they tried to use on us to make us all feel stupid but you know they string us along in 15 minute increments so you're on the i'm supposed to leave at 8 30 in the morning washington dc time and they don't they leave us on the plane all the way until 10 30 oh my god they finally are like okay that's we're not gonna get this fixed you gotta get off uh and then it's like we we might be able to get another airplane or you're gonna go on the five o'clock flight this doesn't sound like united airlines at all

i mean the butt fuck is i had to get up at 5 45 in the morning for an 8 30 flight like if the guy could have inspected it you know a little earlier i could have come four hours later like i don't mind but spending the time at the airport the airport airports and i you guys just had this problem at lax the filthiest places on earth right like the air, because people have to sit. Right. And convenience. Yeah, exactly. The good news is that

there's a ton of dogs now because we needed that. Oh, yeah. The airports weren't disgusting enough. Now we need dogs. I have three dogs. I'm allowed to say this. I sat across from a dog

on, you know, the five-hour trip. I don't think that's nice to call our dog house. Oh, it's an the five hour trip. I don't think that's nice to call our dog house. Oh, it's actual dogs. Sorry. The, yeah, I was going to ask you how many dogs on the plane. I only saw one, but that doesn't mean that there were.

I only saw one. We flew back from Boston on the end of December is 11 dogs on the plane. Oh, shut up. 11. I'm telling you, there's 11 dogs in the plane. What are you talking about? People fly with their fucking dogs. And they think it's like instead of paying to put them in a kennel,

they just put them in an airplane. That's enough of that. I did a hottest take that I don't think we've run yet about this, how this needs to end. And I think I'm allowed to do it because I've had five dogs in the last 15 years and I currently have three. I love dogs. That doesn't mean they should be in an airplane.

You may want to bring Karol on that for the emotional support animal. Unless, I don't know, your hottest takes usually go like two and a half hours. Not really, right? Is there any way he can merge that with the goalpost? I think if it's a service dog, it's one thing. But if it's, I got my buddy who's a doctor to write me a note so I could bring my golden retriever on the plane when there's nothing wrong with me. That's fucking crazy. And that's that's fucking crazy. And that's what's happening now. Yeah.

Don't bring your dogs on airplanes. Nobody wants to see your dog. Keep them at home. And flight attendants, don't be nicer to the people who has the dog than the normal human being in the seat next to them. It's not hard to have a dog and carry a dog. It's not hard to rescue a dog. It's not hard to bring a dog on an airplane.

You don't get special bonus points. Amen. I don't disagree with any of that. Sorry. Yeah, you just had your Corolla rant for seven hours. Now you're going to listen to me. Yeah, that's right. All right, Sal, as always, good job by you. Good job by you. All right. Thanks to ZipRecruiter. Thanks to House and Sal. Thanks to Sonos.

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You can have it right on your lap right now. You can enjoy up to 10 hours of battery life on a single charge. Go to Sonos.com to learn more. And thanks to SimpliSafe, comprehensive enterprise level security for your own home. If there's a break-in, if somebody tries to steal your massage chair, SimpliSafe uses real video evidence to give police an eyewitness account of the crime. We have two eyewitnesses right now, so we won't need an eyewitness in this case. But normally, it costs just 50 cents a day. Go to SimpliSafe.com slash BS. Get a free SimpliSafe security camera.

Normally $100. Go today. It's free. It will help you capture crucial evidence for the police and get 350% faster dispatch. SimpliSafe.com slash BS. SimpliSafe with two I's. We will see you Tuesday with that mega NBA pod. Me, Hassan Rosillo.

And we'll be putting that up probably late afternoon Tuesday. Your time. So look out for it then. Until that moment. Enjoy the next couple of days. On the wayside On the front side Never lost it I don't have to ever forget