The Bill Simmons Podcast - Million-Dollar NFL Picks, Stand-up Comedy, and Teen Culture Watch With Mallory Rubin, Jeff Ross, Dave Attell, and Bill's Daughter | The Bill Simmons Podcast (Ep. 449)

Episode Date: November 29, 2018

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Mallory Rubin to talk Ravens football and Bill's Week 13 gambling picks (02:45), then Bill sits down with comic legends Dave Attell and Jeff Ross to discuss their new Netflix series 'Bumping Mics,' their favorite roasts, the evolution of comedy in a changing America, and more (33:45). Finally, Bill checks in with his daughter Zoe on teen culture by way of Netflix, TV, movies, books, and more (01:29:30). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast on the ringer! Podcast Network brought to you as always by ZipRecruiter. You know what's not smart? Passing. I'm Luka Doncic. God, that's dumb. You know what else isn't smart? Job sites that overwhelm you with tons of the wrong resumes.

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or go right to SeatGeek.com. We're also brought to you by the world's best website, TheRinger.com. I got to say, I think this site is always good, but Wednesday was an all-time day for us. So much good stuff.

All week, really great stuff on basketball, soccer, pop culture, tech, some great features. Just go check it out. It's really good. If you like reading, you might not like reading. You might not like using your brain. I don't know. I can't judge you. It's a great site.

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The JJ one's turned out great. You're listening to the JJ Reddick podcast, right? Well, if you're listening to that and you like that one, you like a little inside NBA stuff mixed with some interviews, I think you'll like this one as well. This is a little more centered on basketball life, but still a good one. We also, Shea Serrano's podcast, Villains, third episode went up this week. Hope you're checking that out. And coming up, we are going to do NFL picks at the top we're going to talk to my old friend Jeff

Ross who brought his best friend Dave Attell they have a new Netflix series coming out and we're going to talk about stand up comedy and all kinds of stuff make fun of Jeff Ross basically and then my daughter's coming on at the tail end we were overdue for a new episode of 4 Reelsies

so she's got a lot of thoughts on a lot of things in pop culture right now. So all of that is happening. But first, our friends from Pearl Jam. All right, we're going to do some football picks. I'm red hot. Throw some water on me. Mallory Rubin is here. Hello.

She knows about hot. She loves the Dragons on Game of Thrones. I feel like I'm one of the Dragons right now. Oh, my God. The million dollar picks. Which one? 5-0 last two weeks. I'm up $6.8 million since we brought this back.

Kyle, you love this. I just love that you're a dragon now. I'm up $6.8 million. Can you believe that? I'm curious which dragon you think you are and what that says about your future and your past. What's the one that's still alive? Well, there are two right now.

You think you're Drogon? You're the favorite? The favorite boy? I'm feeling like Drogon right now. Who was the one that died still alive? Well, there are two right now. You think you're Drogon? You're the favorite? The favorite boy? I'm feeling like Drogon right now. Who was the one that died? What was his name? Well, he was resurrected by the Night King, Viserion. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Spoiler alert. Dear sweet boy. Yeah, he was. Brought down the wall, remember? Are you going to bring down the wall? I need to rewatch because you know when these shows go away for a year, I can't remember what happened three weeks ago. Yeah. I have great news for you. I have a podcast that i'd like to recommend to you what's it called on game of thrones it's called game of thrones you guys do game of thrones on

binge mode i had no idea i thought you're like on episode 158 of harry potter i forgot you did game of thrones only wouldn't that be great what episode are you on on harry pot 54. 54. That's a lot of Harry Potter. We're nearing the end. I'm sad. You're nearing the end? Yeah. We're on the last book. You gonna cry at the end? Oh, undoubtedly. We're forcing you to take a mandatory break from Binge Boat after this. Just for my tears? Just to regroup. Well, you gotta get ready for Game of Thrones.

It's true. It's true. It's almost like in Creed 2 when you had to go in the desert to train for the fight. There's a new book, Fire and Blood, that came out last week. And Jason and I have been talking about it a lot this week. Shifting back into the Westerosi headspace. Start thinking about Game of Thrones

again. It's almost time. Season 8. We gotta get into fighting shape. There's no way you guys are gonna be happy with how it ends. The expectations are gonna be so high. You're just gonna be let down somehow. You might be right. Something will happen that you just won't like. I'm going in, as I always do in all aspects of life, as you know, I'm famous for this.

Yeah. Positivity and open mind. What are you talking about? You're not like that at all. Except for Lamar Jackson. This is a good segue. Flacco is back at practice today. I know. So you're a Ravens fan. Lamar Jackson comes in, doesn't light it on fire, but at least with, uh, you know, the running game, little game management kind of changes the personality of the team. You don't have to worry about an interception. Every time your quarterback goes back pass, you win two in a row. You love it. You've been all in from the get-go. Yeah. You turned on Joe Flacco a while ago, even though

he brought you a Super Bowl. This is one of your worst takes. Well, that's what happened. It's not a take. I didn't turn on him. It's not a take if it's not true. You did turn on him. I didn't turn on him. You turned on him. Turning on him implies a change. You used him for a Super Bowl. You used him for a Super Bowl and you dumped him. No, I will be eternally grateful for

that Super Bowl, which many players on that team contributed to. That does not mean that Joe Flacco should still, in the year of our Lord, 2018 with Lamar Jackson on the roster, be playing quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens. I heard Colin Coward, I was driving on the radio the other day,

and he was doing a whole thing about Lamar Jackson, how this is flashing a panty, be careful. He's basically like the same stuff he did seven years ago with Tebow. He is what he is. Don't get seduced by this.

There's not a lot of directions this can go. Teams will figure this out. There's going to be no plan B when they figure out what he can do, all that stuff. I just don't agree. I don't. I just don't agree. I don't know how I feel about it. I think there is a world where that take might be true because it's not like from a passing

standpoint, he's been amazing. And he's 209 pounds, right? Here's the way it can be true. That's an indictment of the coaching around him and the approach to having him as a player, not to him as a player himself. I actually don't understand how anyone who's watched any of his college tape can think that he can't throw. He has an incredible arm. Sure. Are there going to be adjustments and a learning curve with accuracy and with decision-making of course, but that's true for every young quarterback. So when you add in his athletic ability and his ability as a runner and you

factor in the arm strength, like he's, he's taken a lot of flack for the little sidearm whips. Yeah. I think that's awesome. I mean, you want to talk about someone with a fucked up throwing motion. Has anyone watched Sam Darnold release the football from his ankle? Right. It's just I don't know. It's all of this is so bizarre to me, like. most predictable and yet absurd overcorrection of all time, where in the first half of his second

start, he basically looked afraid to run, even if there was clearly a path ahead of him that he should have taken. And again, that's coaching. Give the kid the confidence to use his abilities. So you've turned on Harbaugh too. He also brought you to Super Bowl. I have not turned on- Who else can you turn on? Ray Lewis? I have not. Bill, I'll never turn on you. Terrell Suggs? I'll never turn on you and that's all that counts.

That's true. That's all that matters to me. I have not turned on Harbaugh. I'm in on Lamar Jackson. I've been in since the get-go. You know I wanted the pass to take him. Yes. He does seem small, and it does worry me when he's scrambling. By the way, he's not alone.

Mahomes scares me. I don't like when Mahomes takes hits. You don't want any of these guys taking that many hits. No, but certain guys, they take the hit, and you're like, all right, he's big enough. He can withstand that. This one, it just seems like Lamar Jackson can get broken on the wrong hit. I think that again, it's about awareness. And I think that he actually has shown decent instincts for when to slide, particularly when to try to get out of bounds. Like he knows he can't take 12 hits to his legs every game. Obviously nobody can sustain that kind of damage,

but again, it's just on what the strategy is. I don't understand how the dominant narrative has become. Can this work as opposed to, wow, isn't this exciting? A team that for the better part of its existence in the NFL, since the first Superbowl has had a dominant or at least good defense,

decent coaching, and just no energy and excitement on offense. Finally has a spark. And it's just a list of problems and questions instead of euphoria and joy. Guess what? I'm leaning into the euphoria and joy. I think people miss the Joe Flacco pass interference offense, though. The way he would lure those cornerbacks into just bumping the receiver at the wrong time. It was really special. Well, I pray we never see it again. Flacco PI. That was my video idea.

We never did. I was so excited for it. Nobody remembers Magnum PI, even though it's on now. The reason I bring up the Ravens, they are, so million dollar picks. I'm red hot right now. The Ravens are getting one and a half

in Atlanta okay Atlanta season is basically over yes four and seven it seems like a winnable game

Vegas obviously feels like you're better because you get three points for being at home the Falcons couldn't even get that from a DVOA standpoint

the Ravens are eighth DVOA right now I like this is the time year when I actually in DVOA right now I like this is the time of year when I actually like DVOA because we have enough football and sample size

they are 15th offensively 5th defensively 6th special teams Atlanta as we know the rare combination of the shaky defense

and the shaky coaching they're 32nd in DVOA not to mention all the other stuff that comes up with being in Atlanta. On the other hand, you look at their games that they've played and they've lost to some good teams. So we're hitting a point now where you almost have to look at the loss. You go, all right, they lost to New Orleans in overtime. They lost to Philly in opening night. They lost to Cincy last minute when Cincy was healthy before they lost all their guys.

Before they fell off the – They got killed by Pittsburgh. Lost to Cleveland, Dallas, and New Orleans the last three. Kind of like the Browns. Dallas has been playing well. They only lost by three, and then they got killed by the Saints. I'm not sure they're bad is my point. They're not like a bottom 18.

They're probably that next level up. But it's a winnable game for you. They've just been killed by injuries. I mean, particularly on the defensive side. So when I think about this game from the Ravens' perspective, it's an appealing matchup for Lamar Jackson against that defense to try to establish the balance, the hybrid approach. Here's the running, but also I can challenge those corners.

I can go deep. If we ever find Willie Snead again, you know, let me throw six times to Michael Crabtree. Maybe he'll catch a couple of them. And suddenly Gus Edwards being a part of this offense the last couple weeks, the running back from Rutgers. Yeah, Gus Edwards is going to like swing a fantasy league. A little bit of a bruising style there in the backfield.

I think that is appealing. The question is, can the defense, which pretty rapidly swung from is this the best defense in football in the first month and a half of the season to, oh boy, we have some problems here.

I don't know if they can stop Julio and Ridley. So the question is, while it looks like a tempting matchup for Lamar on the offense, can they get in and hang in a shootout? I don't know. Like, can that Ravens offense put up 38 points right now?

Because that's probably what the Falcons are going to put up. Let me throw one more scenario at you. The Falcons are four and seven up. Let me throw one more scenario at you. The Falcons are 4-7. If you look at their schedule, there's some run-the-slate potential. I don't know if they're good enough, but home for Baltimore at Green Bay. Neither of us think Green Bay is very good. Home Arizona at Carolina at Tampa. I do not think they will go 5-0 the last five,

but I was trying to figure out, there's going to be some team that's under 500 right now that runs the slate and is kind of lingering in the playoffs. It might be Denver. Denver, we already might have selected that team, but for whatever reason, I'm hesitant to move Atlanta just out

because they can move the ball. This is the game they need to keep any hope alive. Yeah. Which is a little scary. It's weird because they're still not out of the playoff picture. Nine and seven could make the playoffs in the NFC. Yeah, I mean, there's so much parody in the league right now that barely anyone is out of it. That Carolina game late looks tough

because Carolina will be fighting for a playoff spot at that point. But you're right. I mean, Green Bay, Arizona, Tampa, those are wins. So they need the Ravens win. You know what I love in this game for the Ravens though? What? Justin Tucker. Yeah.

In a dome. Unstoppable. Let him kick it from 75 yards. Yeah. Why not? How about Lamar in a dome? I think it's going to be great. All right.

We're going to hold this. I'm going to make my picks and then we'll decide at the end whether I want to do that. I have $1 million bet this week. Okay. The Los Angeles Rams are playing in Detroit. They're favored by 10. The money line is minus 480. I am going to parlay the money line of the Rams.

All they have to do is win the game with the Bears of Chicago, who are minus 200 and minus four in New York, playing Pat Shermer and the Giants. The rejuvenated Giants. Not really rejuvenated Giants. I'm not a believer. They rolled over last week in the second half. They're a mess.

I'm not sure they can block. And I think it's been hit in the last couple of weeks by who they've played. They have not played a defense like the bears in a while. And I just think the bears D can win this game by itself, but I don't trust the minus four. So you're not, you're not worried at all that it sounds like Trubisky is still out.

I'm okay with chase Daniel. Chase Daniel's in. I'm okay with chase Daniel. Taking chase Daniel over Eli Manning. That's where it's gotten for Eli Manning. No, bring him in. He's all right.

He can watch. Wilds. come sit down. We're finishing a pod. What's up? How are you? How are you? What's up, dude? You know Nephew Kyle?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're chilling in Cleveland. Oh, yeah, it's up to you. How are you? Hi, buddy. So I know Chase. I kind of like Chase Daniel

I thought it took him a half to kind of remember how to play quarterback because it's not like he's getting reps practice reps I don't think he's bad

you famously as a college football enthusiast I've always loved Chase Daniel's Missouri tape you're talking about it all the time he's my next he's the next

Case Keenum in my opinion like four years from now he's going to be making 20 million dollars a year for a 7-9 team and we we'll be going, what's happening? Interesting. Chase Daniels quietly made a lot of money in his career.

Yeah, he's been pretty good. He's doing fine. How many picks is Eli going to throw against the Bears? And how many sacks is he going to take? There's a couple things I really like about this game. The Giants have played three pretty good offensive games in a row, and Eli's been pretty good offensive games in a row. And Eli's been pretty good three games in a row. And now there's buzz about, well, they might bring him back. Well, you know- Eli's reanimated corpse has been pretty good.

You know what I really love? Eli at home against a good defense, just sucking it up and being bad and throwing picks and the fans getting bummed out and people leaving in the fourth quarter. I am putting, the odds are minus 123 for this money parlay. Okay. I'm putting $1.23 million to win a million. Okay. It's my million dollar pick. Rams, Bears, all they have to do is win. I love it.

So that's my first one. Now, I'm going to- A Khalil Mack strip sack. Khalil versus Eli, sign me up. I'm right there. Basically, a guarantee. I'm in. By the way, Tariq Cohen, kind of do.

Yeah. Kind of do. Has hurt my feelings, fantasy-wise, a couple times this year. They've been, all of their offense, weirdly, other than Biscuit, Titty, Strabisky. I don't like it. It's been tough to own. It's like those years when Belichick is just like, I hate fantasy. I'm just splitting up

carries with everybody and nobody can have any of my guys. And Tom Brady can never score a touchdown this year. So Kyle, I'm doing something unusual. Even though I'm on

a hot streak right now. I'm going to pick three underdogs and try to go two and one. Yeah, you told me about this. If I go three and oh, fine. But I'm perfectly fine throwing away a thing.

If I go three and oh, fine. If I go three and throwing away a thing. If I go 3-0, fine. If I go 3-0, it'd be great. I think you said 2-1 the first time you said it to me. No, but I'm hoping to go 2-1. All right, let's do it. And I'm not putting a million dollars in any of these. I'm doing half a million. Okay.

What restraint? Half a million picks. What admirable restraint. I know. I like these three. The first one, you're going to laugh. Okay. The Cleveland Browns at Houston getting six points.

I love this. I don't think Houston's good. I'm still not a believer. Eight wins in a row. Tennessee would have beaten them last week. Did you watch that game? I did. Tennessee's up 10-0.

Kickoff fumble. Ball's bouncing around. Their guy somehow doesn't get it. Then they come down. I think it's like 10-10 or 14-10 or whatever. Fourth and inches. Don't give it to Derrick Henry. Don't give it to Derrick Henry.

They line up everybody and they give it to some white fifth string tight end I've never heard of who tip-tops before he goes in. Very tough. Lose the ball. I just felt like they blew that game. I do not think Houston's good. I'm not buying them. I like the way the Browns,

the new coaching staff, their offensive line's been good the last couple of weeks. Baker's starting to feel a little bit. Baker's playing great. My man, Nick Chubb. Nick Chubb. You love Nick Chubb. Both fantasy teams.

I have him in Daily Fantasy every week. I love Nick Chubb. I just think they keep it close and I think they can win. So I'm grabbing the six. The idea of the Texans winning nine games in a row is inconceivable. It's absurd. It just defies comprehension in any respect.

They were dying to give away that game. So now here's the other thing with the Texans. Also, we need the Colts-Andrew Luck narrative to maintain and regain and then maintain momentum down the stretch. So we need the Texans to lose a game so that the Colts can start keeping pace in the division. Uh-oh the Texans to lose a game so that the Colts can start. I have bad news for you on that one. Uh-oh. Did I inadvertently just set up your next pick?

No, I don't feel good about what I'm about to do on that one. Oh, boy. Are you taking Cody Kessler and the Jags? Here's the other thing with Houston. Oh, my God, you are. No, hold on. Here's the other thing with Houston. Tennessee last week, Monday night.

It went great. Oh, man, big party. We, hold on. Seriously, I live in Houston. Tennessee last week, Monday night. It went great. Oh man, let's big party. We're doing great. Now they have two more home games in a row. Home for Cleveland, home for Indy. They're already thinking ahead to Indy a little bit. We'll beat the Browns. We got Indy next week. They're home. The guys, they have like their

girlfriend in the one apartment and the other girlfriend in the other apartment. They're really settled in the home life, not as focused on this Browns game. Ah, we'll beat the Browns. It feels a little trap game-ish. I like the idea of the Browns making a run. I'm putting 550,000 to win 500 in the Browns plus six. So that's one.

Next one. Oh, man. Can't believe I'm doing this. Oh, man. Can't believe I'm doing this. Oh, boy. The Vikings are getting five points in New England. Okay. The line's too high. These two teams are even, and the line should be three.

It's out of respect to the five time Super Bowl champ Bill Belichick and Tom Brady and their success at Gillette Stadium and just the infrastructure that's been in place

just this wonderful franchise that has brought me and other football fans nothing but joys over the years what other football fans true

what other football fans who are you talking about it's been wonderful but all I can do is this. When the lines are off and I'm getting free points with a team that could win on the road. You lean in. Have to do it.

Wrap your arms around those points. I can't. My teams are like my children. I would bet against my son in the right circumstance. You turn on them that quickly. If my son was getting too many points, I'll bet against him this week. Gambling is gambling. The Pats are son in the right circumstance. You turn on them that quickly. If my son was getting too many points, I'll bet against him this week. Gambling is gambling.

The Pats are ninth in DVOA. The Vikings are 14th. Everson Griffin's back. They lost Rhodes. It doesn't look like they're getting Rhodes. But I think they're going to have a pass rush. Brady has just not been good. What's going on with that?

He just hasn't been good. He hasn't been bad. He hasn't been good. I don't tell Brady it's been three fantasy leagues. has just not been good. What's going on with that? He just hasn't been good. He hasn't been bad. He just hasn't been good. I don't tell Brady it's been three fantasy leagues. He hasn't been good. It's been a debacle. He hasn't been bad. He hasn't been good.

Oh, I think it's two things. It's Gronk isn't Gronk anymore. Edelman looked good last week, but they ran the ball a lot more last week. And that Jets game was hairier than I think anyone expected. Do you think the Jets are good? No, I do not. The Jets, Kyle, the Jets are good? No, I do not. Kyle, the Jets could have beaten us last week.

It was close for a long time. For the first two, I was like, we're going to lose this game. What happened to Chris Hogan? He's just, I don't know. Did he just say, I'm actually going to go play lacrosse again? What happened there? Maybe he's thinking about the new pro lacrosse league. I think the Vikes can win.

The other thing with the Pats is they'll give up the cheap garbage time touchdown at the end even if they're up 10. They'll give up the one late. I think Minnesota can win this game.

Are you worried about seeding for the Patriots? Yeah, I'm worried about the Patriots just everything. I think from a skill position standpoint, this is the scariest

receiver Corey's had in a few years. I like to get this stuff on tape from you. You were doing this is the scariest receiver Corey's had in a few years. I like to get this stuff on tape from you. You were doing this a lot with the Red Sox. I'm so... I didn't realize that. When was the last time Benny got a hit? Chris Sale's diarrhea.

This is a good impression. His body's not built to withstand bloody diarrhea. I never realized that America's hero, Nathan Evaldi, one of our true heroes. Do you think he'll be the time man of the year? I think he'll be lucky if his arm is attached to his body next year. He won us a World Series.

Everything else is gravy with Nathan Evaldi's arm. I am betting $550,000 to win $500,000. Okay. So you betrayed your own team and you put. It's not a betrayal. Half a mil on Kirk, Kirk Cousins. Got it.

It's not a betrayal. Okay. I think it's a three point game. No, some people think integrity matters. It's fine. I think it's a three point game. I think somebody will win by three points. So that's my second one.

Here's my last one. I'm excited for this. Where will you go with this? This is one of the weird lines of the year. This line is three points higher than I expected it. The Washington Redskins. Oh my God. In Philadelphia on a Monday night,

getting six and a half points. There is no evidence, zero, none, zilch that Philadelphia is better in any way than Washington. I would say they are probably dead even as two mediocre teams in a mediocre division. I checked out DVOA. I was like, oh, maybe DVOA will tell me something differently. Washington, 17th in DVOA.

Philadelphia, 24th. They're 24th in DVOA. They cannot move the ball. They have bad running backs. Have not been impressed with Carson Wentz. They're injured all over the place. They've had trouble blocking. They squeezed out a win last week against the terrible

Giants. Basically because the Giants just gave it to them. They barely did anything to win that game. I just don't think they're good. Now you've got a Monday night with the potential of pissed off fans who can't believe that Colt McCoy has come into their house and is ending their season. And I'm taking the points.

Plus six and a half, $550,000 to win $500,000. I'm out on this one. You're out on this one. Why? Tell me. Talk me out of it. I haven't called it in yet. One.

I haven't moved money from my Caribbean accounts yet to make this happen I don't think you can look at DVOA or really anything with Washington right now because those are Alex Smith numbers and he's not their quarterback anymore but this is the Joe House point is Colt McCoy better or worse than Alex Smith? Alex Smith was like a solid C-

I've always been famously out on Alex Smith but come on I mean he's a is he any worse? is Colt McCoy any out on Alex Smith, but come on. I mean, he's a... Is he any worse? Is Colt McCoy any worse than Alex Smith? Yes. He might be like 10% worse. One of my favorite alternate histories to think about is if Colt McCoy had not gotten

hurt in the title game against Alabama, what could have been? But that's for another podcast. Here's the other thing, though. Yeah. Karma. The Redskins are not winning a game this week with everything happening with that franchise right now with the Reuben Foster situation. Oh, that's a great one. And the comments coming out.

The quotes coming out of that. I'm really, really rarely surprised by anything that NFL teams say or do, no matter how disgraceful. But the comments coming out of that organization this week are shameful. I cannot believe it. This is great. You've talked me out of this completely. You're right. The anger,

the karma police are in radio head, Tom York. He's playing, he's playing acoustic guitar. This is good game. They're not winning this game. Kai rescind the bet. Call.

I'm doing some research. I'm sorry. Call the mafia and tell them I've taken this one off. Got it. So should I replace this with the Ravens in Atlanta? Oh, I thought you were going to go to Cody Kessler here because you don't like the Colts. It's not that I don't like the Colts.

I watched that Jags-Colts game because I had money on the Colts. And I watched it carefully. And those teams were pretty close. Here's the thing, though. Jack Doyle got hurt. And I watched it carefully. And those teams were pretty close. Here's the thing though. Jack Doyle got hurt. And this sounds stupid. This is like now we're in like maze territory where I'm just, I'm making football points for like 20 people who follow

football. You have not started talking about the backup right guard yet. And so we are not yet in maze territory. We haven't done backup right guard yet. Carry on. One of the things I really liked about the Colts was they would do like this weird three tight end offense with the one running back or the two or the double tight end. And it was just really, it was almost like how the Pats used to use Gronkowski and double murder Aaron Hernandez. Doyle and Ebron, I really liked that combo. Now Doyle's out. He got hit in the kidneys.

He's done. So that part worries me. I also think the Colts have Houston next week. Right. So it's, ah, we'll beat Cody Kessler, and then next week's the game. And a lot of people on the Colts bandwagon. And the Jags are getting four and a half points at home. I'm not positive the Jags are that bad.

I mean, that's like the kind of line where Josh Rosen and the Cardinals would be getting four and a half points. I am all in on Josh Rosen. You love Josh? Yeah, chosen Rosen. Getting 14 against the Packers this week? That's a little steep. I don't know. The Jags are such a debacle right now. I'm not betting on them,

but I did think about it for a while. I think as long as the Colts stop trying to re-injure Andrew Luck's shoulder by making him go full extension diving for catches as a receiver, the Colts will be okay. That's my take on the Colts. So should I do the Ravens as the third pick? Let's do it.

Can you beat Atlanta? Yeah, I think so. I believe in Lamar. I can't lose with this pick because if I win all the other picks, but the Redskins cover and the Ravens don't cover, I can just blame you next week. But that would continue our proud now five or six year tradition of me giving you terrible gambling advice.

Well, then why am I going to listen to you then? You're the one who asked me to come on the podcast. No, I wanted to bounce my picks off you. You talked to me out of a great karma pick. You served your purpose wonderfully there. I don't know.

You're right. I would have been watching that game going, Oh my God, I picked the Redskins. They just signed Reuben Foster. talked to me out of a great karma pick you served your purpose wonderfully there i don't know you're right i would have been watching that game going oh my god i picked the redskins they just signed reuben foster i don't think i've ever given you good gambling advice just for what that's worth would you be surprised if the ravens won in atlanta i would not be surprised if the ravens would you be surprised if they lost no i would not be surprised if they lost i would be less surprised if they lost but i would not be surprised what they lost. I would be less surprised if they lost, but I would not be surprised. What's your worst case scenario for this game? Joe Flacco starting a quarterback. See, that's why I can't take them.

That's why I can't. Worst case scenario is like a three touchdown game from Calvin Ridley. Just something that they cannot stop. That's the worst case scenario. I don't know. Again, I just think Justin Tucker in the dome,

Lamar getting the momentum going, Gus Edwards, the train unstoppable. I like the game. They have a chance again with the Bengals completely falling out of it. They're in the sixth wild card right now. What do you think, Kyle?

That John Brown. I really like him. Can they win in Atlanta in the Dome? I think most people can win in Atlanta nowadays. All right. They cannot stop Julio. So that's where the Ridley thing comes into play. Can they stop Ridley?

I'm not sure. I don't know. This is a tough one. Let's do it. It'll be fun. You can send me angry texts. No, I'm on sure. I don't know. This is a tough one. Let's do it. It'll be fun. You can send me angry texts. No, I'm on a hot streak. I can't just, I'm not just throwing picks around to have fun with them.

I always think my teams are going to lose. So the fact that I'm slightly optimistic here, I think is a bad sign. Is it bad sign? Yeah. If I'm being honest with myself, I think I've lost my bearings a little bit here. I'm too emotionally invested in Lamar and I can't quite see it clearly anymore.

Well, then I'm definitely staying away. All right. But then you're going to, now you're going to blame me no matter what. No, I'm not. Cause I,

cause I wanted to do the Redskins as 13, but you rightly talked me out of it. Yeah. Don't do that. That was really weird. It was one of the weirder football stories in a while. It's horrible. The sad thing with football now

is that when franchises act irresponsibly and terribly, everybody's just like, ah, yeah, that's football. Eh, eh, whatever. Yeah. Is he healthy? Can he play this week? It's kind of where we are now. There's such a saturation of horrifying news all the time

that you don't necessarily know how to respond in any given case. But that's part of what's been so deeply distressing about this particular story is I think people are responding to it because it's so shockingly appalling, even in today's landscape. All right, I'm doing for the, I'm putting 550 to, I'm sorry, this will probably be minus 125. So I'm going to put 725 to win 500, Kyle. Money line tees.

The Broncos and Cincinnati, like the Broncos, with Seattle home against San Francisco. All those teams have to do is win. I feel better about that than Baltimore. I need the Broncos to keep me out of last place in the wins pool. I'm all in on the Broncos. I think the Broncos really have a chance to make the playoffs now. Sal and I talked about it on the podcast on Sunday.

Everyone shit on me when I took the Broncos and the Seahawks in the wins pool. And both of those picks were looking great, by the way. The problem, of course, is that my first pick was the Packers. And that's less good. But that's okay. You have sad Aaron Rodgers on your side. When's Binge Mode done?

Bill. You know, is the thing we love ever- I'm plugging Binge Mode. Is the thing we love ever really done, if you think about it that way? But when's the last episode? Mid-December. Okay. We're in our last few weeks.

All right. Yeah. My three picks. A million dollars. Rams. Bears. Bears. 1.23 million to win a million.

And then three half bets, Broncos, Seahawks, Moneyline Tees, 750 to win 500. And then 550,000 to win 500 on the Browns plus six. And then what was the other one? Oh, and the Vikings plus five. There you go. There you go, America. Just gave you some more winners.

Incredible. Thanks, Mallory Rubin. Thank you, William. Let's talk about FanDuel. The fantasy playoffs fast approaching at this point. You probably know whether your team is in the championship mix or not. Probably not. Odds are against you in fantasy.

If it's not, FanDuel wants you to know there's no shame in walking away from a losing team. Just play FanDuel. I did this. I've been doing it all year. I've had bad luck with FanDuel. Not last week. I was in, I think, a $50 Sunday NFL small blitz, finished top 10, won 250 bucks. Phil Rivers, Nick Chubb, Austin Eckler. Antonio Brown didn't really help me that much. T.Y. Hilton,

Boyd, Tyler Boyd, Cameron Brate, Joe Mixon, and the Patriots D. What a winner. How great is that? So yeah, I'm on a hot streak on FanDuel. You can be on a hot streak with me. I've tried other DFS sites before. If you're not a fantasy expert, FanDuel is clearly the place to play. You have to believe me. Come on over to FanDuel, get a $5 bonus when you make your first deposit. Come play with me at fanduel.com slash BS. New users only, bonus not available for withdrawal. State and age restrictions apply for full eligibility rules and terms and conditions. Go to fanduel.com.

And since we're here, let's talk about Microsoft Surface. If you need a device that helps you get stuff done, but is also perfect when you want to catch up on some fun, like streaming live sports or checking on your daily fantasy team, check out the latest member of the Microsoft Surface family, the new Surface Pro 6. Just take the keyboard off, use it like a tablet, or snap it back on and use it like a laptop with up to 13 and a half hours of battery life and the new 8th Gen Intel Core processor.

It's everything you love about the Surface Pro now, even more powerful. Check it out, the new Surface Pro 6 from the Microsoft Surface family. All right. We are taping this midweek. The Roastmasters here, Jeff Ross. Hi, Bill. I remember once upon a time, we were writing for Jimmy in the AMAs. And you were telling me, I got to get away from these roasts.

I don't want to be pigeonholed. And then the roasting blew up, and now you're doing like 90 things. I'm glad you didn't get away from the roasts. It was a slow, methodical movement. It was like a roast. It was like a pot roast. It was roasting. A roast, you know, it just evolved.

And, you know, I talked about this with you at the time and I also talked about Chappelle saying stay in your lane and not just that make a five lane highway that was one of the first really great podcasts that I ever did see that I don't think you had been on one it was before it was right before the era where every comedian had a podcast you had to go on each other's podcast but you came on mine you did the whole stay your lane thing

and uh and then you told the whole story about how Cousin Sal betrayed you and we just had like this we had like a like an hour and a half

life talk and then you were like is that are people gonna listen I'm like yeah people like it I want roast fans all over the world

to know that Bill Simmons was the first person of note to call roasts a sport. So now we have roast battle. That is true. You're the first one to really understand the strategic thought behind good roasting. So I want all the fans to know that. And I'm grateful for that. Because it helped me understand what I do better you know except unlike most sports like I can kind of do it forever

right you know yeah you're like a golfer who doesn't even have to go to the senior tour yeah I wish there was a way to gamble on it maybe that's the next step for the roast like fantasy roasting yeah because or even, like, people are roasting, and it's like, this guy's a two-to-one favorite. You can bet one or the other, and I'm on mine. I guess the judges could get bribed. Maybe it's scoring. Maybe it's like you have 30 jokes, and how many are going to hit?

How many are funny? How many are original? Well, I mean, the season you just had, Jeselnik was at a whole other level. He is my single favorite Twitter follow out of anyone on Twitter. He's ruthless and has no fear. He has no fear. He doesn't care.

He doesn't care if he crossed the line. He's like the last person in America who's just like, fuck it. You got to get him in here because he just did a show at a jail. I don know what i'm at a jail i'm dying to hear the whole story that's kind of like your corner though he just did a one-off just for fun he's sitting there as one of the judges and he has this crazy maniacal smile on his face he's so happy it's like he's like in his environment he just loves it it's all built around his skill set. It was judging people and roasting. And just evil, evil. And of course, he's a nice guy at heart.

Yeah. What was the highlight of the roast season other than the Blake Griffin? You know, well- Blake Griffin was shockingly good. I learned so much by roast battling Blake because I didn't realize how much I would love the battle. Yeah. I usually judge, produce everything else, book it, host it with Brian Moses. But suddenly I was in the ring.

Yeah, you're in the ring. And I really liked it. It made me not want to judge as much as I really want to battle. I really liked the competition, the thrill of it. It reminded me of karate tournaments when I was a kid where one misstep, you are done. Right. And then when you land it, it's like a knockout.

Did Blake write his own jokes? He worked very hard on it. He wrote a lot of his own stuff. I was worried that you wrote all his jokes for him and then you knew what the jokes were. Absolutely not. I thought that across my mind with certain people like to do a stunt roast but with blake he's a competitive person and the second that we agreed to roast each other he immediately like within minutes

was writing stuff down trying stuff out like a comic he didn He didn't have Neil Brennan writing his jokes for him? No. Are we sure? It definitely wasn't Neil Brennan. But, you know, it's a TV show. I definitely pushed him towards funny people to run his stuff by. But honestly, he really worked on it. I liked he had good timing, too. I was impressed. That really could have been terrible in the wrong hands.

There's a lot of basketball players that if they had decided, oh, I can do this, it could have been just awful and might've been unrunnable. I think you're right. And I think it works for Blake Griffin is because he's not saying him in a, he doesn't smack talk in a bullying way. Like he has, he's a thoughtful guy. Like he'll write you the next day and say how much fun he had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's follow through. He's a class act. And I got to know him by roasting him. You start researching somebody, you kind of get to know him,

then you talk to him, you see how they take a joke, and you really get to somebody's soul. Yeah, right. To me, that's how you're really, I don't know, a champion. Hi, Dave. Hi, guys. So David Tell is here. Yeah, I'm sorry. I was just punching up a script for a scandal.

Sorry, I was just doing a one-off on how to get away with murder. This is where they do the TV shows. You have to realize Dave just landed from New York. He's only been in Hollywood a few hours. And I just learned to drive coming out of the airport. We told Tommy you could have had a cigarette right outside the office. I did by the fountain like a rehab. We had Tommy you could have had a cigarette right outside the office and watched us. I did by the fountain like a rehab.

The reflection pool. The second choice area. We were just talking about the roast. This last season of the roast. Way to promote bumping mics. No, we're getting into it. I understand the build.

I'll back down. ahead you've you've you've dipped into the roast with jeff right not really i think i did like one of them one of them see here's the thing about the roast he's a genius at it it's his thing his brand he totally revitalized the roast he energized the roast and um i'll say this it's a lot of work to come up with roast jokes. Yeah. So I always feel like every time you're writing a roast joke, you could be writing one for,

you know, your act. So when it's specific to. So you'd rather keep the material. Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, but when it's the roast jokes,

you know, the comics, they really go all in on it, you know, like for weeks, maybe even months, they'll be like sitting around there. I need a,

you know, I need a line on, you know, Paula Abdul. What's going on? Martha Stewart, what does her hair look like? So it's tough. So how long have you guys known each other? Oh, decades now, I guess. Beginning of our careers.

Dave was already hosting the best open mics when i was starting to be the open mic or dave was already the host early 90s early 90s but i started in the late 80s so i've been doing i'm older and i've been doing it longer than jeff were you on one of the danger field young comedian shows no i'm not that old that is that's the that be the, that's a really good benchmark of like comedy. Cause I think that's like a generational shift. Right. From Dom Irera and Bill Hicks and Sam Kinison. Bill Maher.

Bill Maher was on there. Bill Maher, of course. And yeah, those guys. I wish Rod Apatow was on there. They're all legends, those guys. I wish Rodney was still alive. Hey, I'll tell you, this next guy has over a hundred million hits on Instagram. Here he comes.

You got to check out this guy's vine. Hey, I'll tell you, this guy is a killer on vine. My wife showed me the vines. I love the vines. Please welcome a lot of followers. Fuck. That's so great. Your generation was the half-hour comedy central show.

The half-hour comedy central show is the thing you wanted. Yeah, that was the thing where once you got that going, then you get an hour for sure. It was almost a given that you would do an hour a year or two later. And then you would sell seats everywhere. But there were no where to do hours. There weren't many places you could do an hour. You got to get HBO or Showtime or you were out of luck. When I was growing up in the 80s,

it was either somebody who's on Letterman or the Dangerfield special. Maybe Carson. Carson really would have like the older comedians at that point. What was the late night show that was up against Letterman in the early 90s? Evening at the Improv was a big show too. Yeah, that one was.

That was Bud's show. That was Caroline's Comedy Hour. It was really hard to find people you liked. I wrote for Caroline's Comedy Hour. I love when Bill plays his stand-up comedy fantasy life with comics

I'm always fascinated by it I always feel like in your head you're like what would I have worn if I was on Evening at the Improv

a blazer a cheap leather jacket I wore a denim jacket when I did Evening at the Improv I wore a denim jacket and Bud wants me hey thanks for

dressing up and I was like wow I'm really a comic so who's in your class like who's your group like in sports you have like the NBA draft that has the Carmelo to win I might be ahead of him a little bit I think who did you

yeah I don't know a lot of the guys I did stand up with who really started when I started almost all of them fell off almost all of them fell off. Yeah? Almost all of them. And then I had to catch up to, like, Dave's league. Yeah.

No, I think I'm ahead of him. They've had a couple years on me. And, yeah, Sarah Silverman, Todd Barry, the whole Boston Comedy Club scene, Greer. Yeah, I'm ahead of those guys. Keith. I'm with, like, Kevin Brennan and who else? So many other ones that, you know, like even,

I'd say even the younger ones like Zach and all those guys, they were way after me. You know, Zach and who's another good one? I don't know. There's so many you know is it is it harder or easier to stand up in 2018 that's a good question when people can just cell phone video any of your stuff that's a good question bill i think it's really hard i think the whole process is hard from from the airport to the hotel to the promotion to the to the to the show and then uh to the to the web where it's really everything on the web now is like has its own life the virtual the virtual

life of a show is way bigger than the actual we're talking about a live performance of it you know but you grew up in the 80s so you know that like you go see a show and if it was good that was awesome if it wasn't you're like okay i'll go see another show now you know people ruminate over you know a show or a line or you know we we work the crowd you know like that's our thing and like to this day people will come up to me hey remember me you called me a pizza boy you know hey hey you remember i was with my wife you didn't you didn't like her shirt you know like that kind of thing and I'm like I don't know what I always remember cause you look like a pizza boy with that outfit on

I always remember I was checking twitter last night and you were tweeting that Bumping Mics was on or that was finally up so I was like oh shit I'm on Pacific Time it might be up and I went on Netflix and it was leading all of Netflix oh really? was it?

yeah which I was like, wow, that's a lot of people. Wait a minute. Yeah, it was. On the front page of Netflix? On the front page of Netflix. Wow. Bump it up. So it really is interesting because a lot of, some of our friends. This is good for Jeff. Thanks. Some of our friends. People have Netflix.

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's going to be a big show. Wait, so that means because we didn't think it was going to be on the front page it was I think you bumped off a horror movie where something was wrong with the house we did? damn somebody told us

that this is the edgiest thing they've ever seen comedy wise wow I watched the first one how much is ad-libbed oh that's a good question I would say like 30% of it as far as going forward. I watched the first one. How much is ad-libbed? That's a good question. I would say 30% of it is definitely stuff that's riffing with the crowd. Then there's some material

because we felt we had to give material. The wild card is all those people that you see coming up there, that wasn't rehearsed. On the first episode, it was Amy, Amy Schumer, Nikki Glaser, Rachel Feinstein, and your aunt. My aunt Donna, Bruce Willis.

Yeah, Bruce Willis. It was a great week. It's called Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Those are the episodes. Yeah. Basically, we took over the Village Underground in Greenwich Village in New York for a weekend in June this year. And it was the end of a tour. We had just done like 20 tour dates of big theaters.

And we talked about it. And to finish it up, we would just go home and invite everyone from my Aunt Donna to Michael Che on stage and just have a party, basically, on stage. Dave had a cake every night. We did dancing. We went out for falafels. And we shot it and I don't know if you you know Andrew Jarecki who directed the jinx so he directed us and it's

it's stand-up it's three night series of stand-up specials but there's this other sort of documentary about stand-up and our friendship that goes sort of through it but the but all those people like I said besides all that stuff all those people like i said besides all that stuff all those people we have no idea what they're going to say or how they're going to react so they did this is total solid to come on stage and then all the riffing with them is definitely all unscripted a lot of our stuff changes from night to night to night so there's definitely the the spontaneity uh factor of this one is really high. Well, it seems like that would be part of the thrill, right?

Is that you're like walking a tightrope basically because you don't know where it's going to go. And I'm going to say right now. How many years does it take to get to that level where you could be like, I'm going out there. I don't even know what I'm going to say, but we'll figure it out. All I'm going to say is we're on your back, Steve Martin and Martin Short. They had a

great like hour special where they both come out as a team like two legends so i looked at that like i was like jeff you got to look at this you know see what they're doing and like they do sketches they do riffing they also do like you know like big banjo interludes dance numbers so i was like we have none of those skills so we'll just have to keep making fun of each other's looks. Well, it's funny. Like with the award shows that started to happen. Oh,

really? We've seen it. Like Amy and Tina were doing it. Oh yeah. The Golden Globes. And then Melanie and Nick Kroll were hosting the Independent Spirit. Well, that's,

that did not start on, that started as a Broadway. No, I know, but just, but that's how I've seen like the whole team concept right seems like it came back

this decade because I think if two headliners get together right I always think if two headliners get together

it's one plus one is three it's triple but you have to have the relationship though right well I'm saying they have to want it can't just be like

two random people no you can't get cast together you have to it has to be organic because there's so many ways you can undermine each other if you wanted to that you need the friendship, it seems like. Psych outs.

You're exactly right. I think that the fun I have in it is trying to keep it together, move it forward, and come up with stuff on the spot, like tags and whatever he's he's he's introducing trying like throw my two cents in on it and that stuff is like really uh i'd say it hit hits 50 of the time you never know right you just never know so plus dave wears the same thing every single show so there's not a lot for me to riff on that's right he looks like the guy who puts the animals to sleep when they're what'd you say in the first episode? You had a good

one. I don't know. I can't remember, but it was He buys his clothes at AutoZone. Yeah, that's a good one. I like that. It's kind of a gift for every year for Christmas, I give Dave that exact outfit just so I can keep making different jokes about it. But you know, I wear something different every night

so it's an endless array of material. So the audience is there. They know there's a potential you guys are going to make fun of them. I don't know. Every audience now, like it was a really hot weekend. And it was really like any TV taping, of course, there's tons of equipment. But at the end of the day.

You mean lights, like physically we were like hot. Yeah. Yeah. But it really was, it was, it was difficult shoot, but still like, you know, but it really was a difficult shoot, but still the audience really met us more than halfway. And that's all you can ask for on these things. And we did tape two shows a night, and we took the best of all that stuff

and put it together with some interstitial stuff. So when you look at the show, you have to kind of go like, this is like old school comedy. This is like take no prisoners, kind of like shoot from the hip kind of stuff and a lot of it you know you could say like there's some smart stuff there's some silly stuff there's some cheesy stuff there's some corny stuff but at the end of the day it's flowing so quickly it's not like long form i guess you could say almost like storytelling stuff yeah you see now which is really unheard of

back in the 80s like that kind of form would have been a theater piece it would not have been called comedy stand-up special it would have been something totally like spalding gray you know that was like the beginning of one-man shows you know yeah bill cosby had a couple ones of uh two or yeah just memory or just sitting on the stool. Yeah. Telling like stories. Dave sits on the stool for a lot of the show. And then we just have friends that we don't even know. There's a Israel Del Toro, shout out. Yes. Is he?

He's definitely listening to this right now. He's a severely wounded soldier, but that's not even something you think about when you talk to him. And he came on stage. He's like challenged us to roast him. So he's up there. I saw roast him. So he's up there. I saw that part. So he's up there for two minutes.

And then two minutes later, Ken Jeong is like pretending to get me out of a yoga position as a doctor. And then, you know, so it never gets a chance to be any one thing is what I'm saying. Do you feel like the audience is willing to laugh at itself when you make jokes on them as they were 20 years ago? Oh, absolutely. Because everyone's so sensitive now. I'd say absolutely not. Everybody is not only sensitive, but it's also there's the sense of humor factor I think is so low now. You know, I just think there's so much serious stuff going on.

We've been told who's allowed to say what, who's not allowed to say what. And it's not fun. say what and it's it's not fun you know it's just definitely not as fun as it used to be i rethink everything he's more fearless than me he runs at this stuff i i'm always like okay let me see another way to say it and all that kind of thing but at the end of the day like the audience did come on our side right on all of it you know i i think they really did. And when you bring up Israel, who is not only a great man, a war hero, but a super big comedy fan.

And, you know, when you, when you first look at them, you know, you're immediately like, what, what,

uh, this, this poor man, why, why are they talking to him like that? But at the end of the day, he gives back as good as he gets. And that's the fun of it.

And that was Jeff's thing. I mean, it's like, bring up these people, let people, you know, see them.. And that's the fun of it. And that was Jeff's thing. I mean, it's like, bring up these people. Let people see them and hear them. I think that's really cool. It really is. Do you miss Jeff's hair?

No, I like this new Jeff look, too. It looks more like he's a life coach. Maybe it's the couch. The couch definitely reads life coach. It's my rainbow gi. It's my rainbow gi home. When was the last time you had your hair? Three summers ago.

That was it? Well, I'm bald too, you know, and I don't wear the hat for the baldness. I wear it, you know, just to hide. But you have a nice head of hair. What's your makeup that you have that kind of gray hair? It's half Italian. Oh, yeah? He has a stress-free life.

Look at him. Stress-free. He's still wearing his shirt from 11th grade. He has no worries at all. You know what you're doing. He's still wearing a shirt from 11th grade. He has no worries at all. You know what you're doing over there. He dresses like he's coming right out of detention. Let's take a break to talk about 99 Designs. What a Carmelo Anthony, Matthew De La Vidova, DraftKings, Tim Ferriss, The Ringer,

and nearly half a million entrepreneurs and businesses having common businesses. I can't speak. They all use 99 Designs to get custom design created for their brands, websites, and books. It's a global creative platform that makes it easy for designers and clients to work together. From logos and apps to product packaging and books, it's your go-to design resource for any budget. We use these guys and ladies to design some custom merch for the ringer. The quality was amazing. You can check it all out at 99designs.com forward slash bill. Right now you can receive a free $99 upgrade on your first design contest.

99designs.com forward slash bill. It's where creativity meets possibility. Check out the Pearl Jam shirt we did. It says, but first Pearl Jam Jam shirt we did. It says, butt first Pearl Jam with a foam finger. It's cool. What'd you think of the Chappelle specials?

Great. I know he's your boy. I thought they were great. I love them all. He was crossing lines. He just didn't give a shit. It was weirdly refreshing. And oddly,

he does give a shit. You know, he cares about everything he says and he's a very thoughtful guy. So it's fun to see him take big swings and daring ideas you've spent a lot of time

with him yeah yeah recently too right all the time were you traveling with him all the time what was the last tour you did

no the last big show I did with Dave was probably last New Year's I did Radio City with him last year but I most of my adventures

with Dave are at 1.30 in the morning at a comedy club or we just go out to eat or sometimes he doesn't sleep right oh he he never sleeps or eats you know he's sort of like a superhero in that way you never really see that because baby doll was was traveling with him when he was with john stewart and they did that thing he's like he doesn't sleep he's like 5 30 in the morning he's ordering and he's always looks Stewart and they did that thing. He was like, he doesn't sleep. He's like 5.30 in the morning. He's ordering. And he always looks good and he's never like cranky. He's amazing.

Dave Chappelle's amazing. And for Chris Rock, when he was doing the warm-up for his special. Oh, yeah. Jeff was all over the world with him. Yeah. I went, I toured Scandinavia, Europe, Israel. How many countries have you been to now? That's the thing about comedy now.

Must be like dozens. The thing about comedy now with Comedy Central going international and Netflix being worldwide. And YouTube. And YouTube and podcasts. People really understand. Like, I'll be in Oslo. I'll be in Tel Aviv.

I'll be in Copenhagen. And they understand every word I say. But then a Dutch comedian goes on and I can't, I can't understand one thing they're saying. Not that I don't get it. I don't even know what they're saying. The accents are so different, but because comedy is such a big export out of America and in the rest of the world, I feel like all these people in Scandinavia learned English from watching Friends and listening to Eddie Murphy

and Chris Rock specials. Do you do as much traveling, Dave, or no? I'm domestic. I used to do that. And I would like to go on a world tour. Dave's work release visa doesn't allow him out of it. Poor baby flew in all day today. I feel bad.

I dragged him all over. That's all right. The, uh, no, I was going to say that, uh, you know, if you, if you're wondering like, what's the next thing for comedy, it is international. Like Netflix is definitely a big part of that. But in New York, you run into comics from India and it's funny. He says Scandinavian because there's a Norwegian guy who's super funny. I love listening to him. And it seems like now the rest of the world got comedy and we kind of gave it up. So now it's time for us like jazz. It's time for the American people to kind of step up again and come out and see their own comics.

But it's big overseas, that's for sure. Plus, I think the news gets – people are judging whether the news is too objective or compromised. It's too tainted by big business. Like comedy somehow manages to stay reasonably pure. And no one tells us, here's one thing. We have some Anne Frank jokes in the special that I say. Yeah, you do. Yeah, I was going to say, jokes in the special that i do yeah i was gonna say you have

that day i don't remember a time where they would be like yeah those are cool as a matter of fact you can even put them towards the front like episode one yeah you know oh netflix yeah so there's a lot of who's the guy at netflix who that? Otto van. Otto van. Otto van. Otto van Schindler. I'm just saying, like, there's something to be said about, you know, comedy not getting watered down as everything else in life is getting watered down. Like, I feel like stand-up is as potent as ever. And it is medicine.

You wouldn't want it watered down. He's very optimistic about comedy. I'm very negative about it. Dave's always afraid comedy's going to go out of style. Dave's always afraid comedy is going to go out of style. I don't think it's going to go out of style. I think it's just like, I'm not going to be, I'm not relevant to today's comedy,

but the cool thing about his optimistic view of comedy is that like, you know, I think a lot of people would like it to be that way, would like it to be, you know, like this, this pure form of, of,

you know, just like a way, a way for people to like be you know like this this pure form of of uh you know uh just like a way a way for people to like you know let go and like and whatever but i i don't see much of that now anymore i see that like for our fans the ones who know what we do and kind of get what we do and what we what we're trying to do this is really for them you know and if the other people find this and and agree with that then i'm totally for it but i totally understand when people get upset and all that kind of stuff but it's not you know i'm i'm kind of like towards the end of it instead of towards the beginning of comedy i mean so no but that's what that's how i look at it well listen i just bought an olive garden i'm we're i'll be managing an olive garden in two years dave talks like he's death of a salesman but he just but he's

always done he's crushing it he has a new brand a salesman, but he just He's crushing it. He has a brand new show on Netflix. He just bought a giant brand new apartment. Giant brand new apartment. I sure did. He'll be mad at me now. It's a mini storage unit. But wait, hold on a second. Wait, I want to ask about politics.

Oh, no, I don't. He has the politics. He's a big politician. The last 30 years, this is really the first time politics became like people would just get up and be like, oh, I don't. No, no, no. He has the politics. He's a big politician. The last 30 years, this is really the first time politics became, like people would just get up and be like, oh, fuck you. I'm out of here. And they'll leave, right? I don't know about that, but I will say one thing. I think my great, great grandfather, Roastmaster General,

during the Civil War, he had some similar issues. Back in 1860s. A lot of times he would go into his slave material, and the Confederates would just get up and walk out. And the, you know what I was going to say is that when I first started doing comedy, there was three political comics, three of them. And nobody, if anything, the audience would be looking at their watches.

Mark Twain. Sir John Licklock. No, there was three people who did it. And then now everybody does it. Now everyone's a political, you know, satirist or whatever it is. And it's funny how, you know, the audience is definitely, there's an oversaturation of that. But just from going from like where that was always almost like a novelty,

a niche, to now it's like everybody has to weigh in on it is pretty amazing. It's surprising. I was watching, there's this movie about Gary Hart called The Front Runner. Yeah, I heard about that one. Jason Reitman. There's this scene when after the scandal breaks, Gary Hart's watching The Tonight Show, and Carson comes on and does a couple jokes about him.

And it carries so much. That's when he realizes the significance of what had happened. I was trying to think, like, there's no centralist like that anymore with comedy. Because even like the stuff you guys are doing, your fans are going to come to it. And you might be able to pull in some other people. But for the most part, you have your turf over here. Other people have their turf. Colbert has his turf.

Right. There's no Walter Crononkite and there's no johnny carl no but there's twitter and twitter is the new thing i guess twitter and if stuff gets retweeted i guess that's what that is and you're absolutely right like johnny carson would be like the final voice of the night to weigh in on it the fact that he weighed in was a big deal it's like oh shit johnny carson's making jokes about this he also he also had his like uh line in the sand like he wouldn't talk about the vietnam war one way or the other and this? He also had his line in the sand. He wouldn't talk about the Vietnam War one way or the other.

And I remember he also had a political thing where he said also people want to go to bed. They want to whatever. They want to be entertained. They want to go to bed. So he'd only take it so far. He wouldn't get deep into his own politics. So he never really knew his politics. Letterman did a nice job, at least in the first 15 years or so,

of keeping it kind of obscured. I've been surprised with our friend Kimmel. The last two, three years, he really waded in. I did not see it coming. It's a mission for him. I think he's very good at it. I think there's some guys who are very good at it, some people who are just pretty much preaching to the choir.

But Jimmy's really good at it. There's a couple of people out there now who definitely it is almost like a calling where they are stepping up. You got to give people credit, too, who turn. Some people are always that way. But people who go that way, that's really a statement. Did you ever go on Dave's Porn Show? I never did. On what?

How many years did you have the show? Two years seasons as they call it in television it was one of the most incredible flipping channel experiences probably ever in the history cable where it'd be like all of a sudden you're there you're breaking down a porn and then the actress 40 years later yeah i love that from the movie is suddenly sitting next to you and it's like, what the fuck is happening? That's my best work so far. That should have been like 12 seasons. How did you find the actresses?

That show also could have been called Bumping Mics, by the way. Mics with a K. That was my favorite thing I've ever did because it was so cool where we got to get the footage that was my favorite thing I've ever did because it was like so cool where we got to like get the footage and then find the stars and it was like great

research all the way around. But how'd you find the stars? How do you go about finding a porn star? How do you do it? Yeah. Craigslist. No. How do you do it? You basically These are people that are just gone. They're out of the loop. Yeah, no loop no no but i'm telling you they go to they go to sam they go to what is it called like comic cons of porn the avns

and all that so like they have reps and all that and stuff and websites so it's a lot easier now it would be very difficult it was the 70s you know we'd have to like call around or something like that but they were great and every one of them was so interesting and the footage is so funny because it's more dramatic than it is sexy and uh it's so different than today's world of uh erotica as they call it and i love doing it i also like bringing in the comics and it was great to get in like a very uh a very uh cool amy schumer was one of my favorites and Chelsea Handler and Margaret Cho and just like all these great ladies and also Artie Lang and, you know, Bill Burr and all these people that would come in and like riff on the on the things. And it's something that you would do anyhow at home when you see like a cheesy porn. But it had like a relevance to me because it was like that's a different time. The 70s is different.

Yeah. Now it's kind of been we've all been retroed out where it's like, oh yeah, they had cord phones and all that kind of, there's plenty of shows like it. But thanks for knowing that because that really is like the show. Like that always is the show. Like when I go through airport security, the guy goes, I love that Dave's old porn. Yeah. Who is the most amazing guest out of all the old porn stars?

Seika. She's my favorite. I find her fascinating now. Should we give her a ringer podcast? What's that? Should we give her a ringer podcast? Yeah, please do. Yeah, because she is so interesting.

And she also is straight up, just knows what she wants and knows how to do it. And has done a million different things, different jobs. But when I still watch her stuff today and I didn't watch it today but I've watched it a few days ago on the airplane?

it holds up is that why you were late? that's why she's so beautiful and like to me that's like what like the 70s like she's a

she's just a knockout but the people listening who don't know who that is Seika S-E-K-A beautiful she was the yeah she was basically Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

in the NBA and Seca in porn. Yes. She was the star. She was the A-lister. Ask your dad who I'm talking about and he'll know because she definitely is so cool. And there's a million other ones. Did you ever feel like potentially asking her out after?

No, she's married actually. Yeah, but still. What I was going to say is that it the thing about the doing a tribute to older people and jeff will know this too it's like you got to get them while they're alive yeah like we call up i go who's that in the film and then we do the research it's like oh maybe we can get her and it's like you just lost her you know two weeks ago they put her in the ground damn it you it. And a lot of them would come down from Debbie Does Dallas. She died of pussy failure.

But these are real people, and they've had real lives. And Georgina Spelvin, who's a legendary porn actress, she was in Behind the Green Door and all that different stuff. The Devil and Miss Jones. The Devil and Miss Jones. I'm sorry. I don't think she was in Behind the Green Door. But she was a MILF before milf was a, was a term.

Like she was older than the rest of them. And she had millions of different jobs. I can go on and on and about, but thank you for watching. You go off on porn. This is the most excited you've seen him in a while. He doesn't, he doesn't do any of that stuff. He's not a porn guy. Well, I was fascinated. He's a food guy. I remember watching one and it was, it was a guy

and I can't remember who the actor was, but he was like an old guy now and he was watching himself 40 years earlier. Yes. And he was,

Robert Kerman? I don't remember who it was. And he was so like, kind of, kind of proud. It was like watching old home movies. Yeah,

they get aroused again. It's kind of like a deja splooge as I called it. The show needs to come back. I think there's so many channels now. I'm waiting for that check, but I was trying to get it in all of these countries. What?

Like a German, maybe German Netflix? Netflix, yeah. No, Netflix doesn't do this. Oh, yeah, Netflix doesn't do this. No penetration. No. Not until it's irrelevant for today's times, something like that. They're always on the cusp

of that producer jim is trying to pretend he didn't enjoy it yeah jim's one of my favorite shows ever i think you gotta recut it as a documentary no i'm all for moving on to the next project but i i did enjoy doing it i almost went broke doing that i threw a lot of my own money at it over a couple hundred grand really because I didn't give us enough money. You're the first person ever to lose money on porn. Very good, Jeff. You're the worst producer ever. I am the worst producer. I'm like the heaven's gate of porn.

I can't believe it. So what's next? What happens is Bumpy Mike's just keeps going? Tell them about your other project, too. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about the historical roasts. Yeah, there's a historical roast that I'm editing now. You're not allowed to say who it is.

But I will say that there's a lot of pictures on your wall that I find reminiscent of. How did you go about this? How much are you allowed to tell us? It's historical roasts where we roast dream roasts for me. We roast people that I've always wanted to meet or roast. And other comedians, my pals, play the roles. And I got to work with a lot of my favorite writers. And it's so much fun.

That'll come out in a few months. So the person has to be dead. Yes. It can't be like Kobe Bryant. No. Now, you know me. I'm a marketing expert. This is it.

You take dead people, you bring them alive, and then you roast them to where they wish they were dead. They wish they could die a second time. You see Custer sticking an arrow in his own heart. Get me out of here. Lincoln's like i love it so how many people are roasting the person who's dead and not there the dais is usually three and then don't give it away and then there'd be a couple interruptions some other sort

of side guests in the audience and what i love about this is that now we're almost at the end of all variations of roasting. Yeah. We did the roast battles. Awesome. Right. We did celebrity roasts. It's an icon. And now we have the historical roast. The next one.

Ready? Yeah. Animals roasting each other. Animals. You call yourself a chipmunk? What are you, a prairie dog? That's all I can think of. The planet. Hey, Pluto, you're not even a planet. What are you, a prairie dog? That's all I can think of. The planet.

Hey, Pluto, you're not even a planet. What are you doing, Neptune? I can't think of another variation. By the way, Dog Roast would be the most successful of all these franchises. Netflix literally has a show called Dogs right now that's documentaries about dogs and people. It's called Dogs. My wife watched three this weekend people it's called dogs my wife watched three this weekend it's just dogs it's like hey here's a dog who changes family's life my wife's like

what's this watch three so you put dogs roasting each other i don't know that could be big i can see dogs roasting everyone's teaming up on the chihuahua what uh what do you think it's been 15 years what was the best roast what was the best start to finish one um well Hugh Hefner for me it was the most fun I ever had

was at Flava Flav's roast because he liked it so much it was like his birthday he was just a little delighted man jumping up and down with a crown on so on sheer Snoop Dogg Kimmel me. He was just a little delighted man jumping up and down with a crown on. So on sheer Snoop Dogg, Kimmel, me, it was just a really fun time. And it was a year where the world really needed it. And we went for it. It was provocative, but it was good-hearted.

Well, you know what my favorite roast ever was. It wasn't one of the ones you produced. Which one? It was the Shaq roast. Of course. You're an expert on that one. That was the best one. Dave, did you ever see this one?

That's when I fell in love with you. These are like the Fight Club roasts that I don't even know about. Shaq decided to pay for his own roast. Shaq's all-star coffee. It's not exactly what it was. What was it? Corporate? They roasted Emmett Smith.

Wasn't he the first one? Yeah. That might have been the second one i did the emmett smith roast and he followed he followed moose johnson the dallas cowboy who didn't know what a roast was and went up and just gave like a speech no he gave like a nice speech about emmett smith and then jeff came up after he just a nice speech, a 20 minute reading every word. It was like a best man's wedding speech. So then Jeff follows him and he goes up, he goes, sorry, I don't have anything. Moose Johnson stole all my shit. And they cut to him and he's just mad immediately.

Everyone was mad. And then Jamie Foxx clowned him pretty hard. And then Moose Johnson like pushed his chair at Jamie. It was very it's actually very aggressive when when they're kind of tricked into it like when they don't get it you know that i feel bad for them too like when they don't get it they don't understand like sit down watch this here's here's like the roasting it's all in good fun and like if you want to be a part of it that's cool but instead of going like you know what a roast is everyone's gonna go oh yeah absolutely

when they really don't you know did were you involved in the ESPN roast that they ended up just destroying all the tapes? I saw Greeny not too long ago. You were involved in that, right? Yeah, I was a host of it. Everybody got drunk. It was one of the worst ideas of all time. It was one person who worked for the network. And I remember she got in some kind of suspension or something, some reprimand.

So just to save face, they just didn't air it. But I remember it being a wonderful night in Atlantic City, sold out. For those two guys, it was a huge night in their lives. Like everybody came out, their friends and family. So, you know, I think that was a long time ago. What I have noticed, and you'll appreciate this, and part of it is people like you talking about it in the sports world, but everywhere you don't really get bad sports anymore. Everyone's down.

If you come in, you can't say, I don't know what I was getting into anymore. So it's been kind of fun, and then it gives me a license to kill. Because between YouTube and Comedy Central, all that stuff. I actually love the process of this last comedy central bruce willis roast yeah because bruce kept calling me and saying make fun of this make fun of that don't hold back i don't want to seem like i held back i'm bringing i'm bringing my a game i want tell everyone to bring their a game. He wanted to shoot promos himself. Like, I don't know.

Big movie star. Like when it's like Shaq Shaq, when I, when I, when I first did that Emmett Smith roast at rehearsal, I don't know if I ever told you this. Um, I was nervous.

Um, because I was like kind of the sort of unknown roast. Weren't that popular? You're the only white person. I was the only white person in a room of 2 000 people and beforehand i said to shack i said i have some pretty like hard-hitting material do you think emmet will be okay are you going to be okay shack and he said he shook my hand he said no one never told me to hold back on a basketball court i'm never going to ask you to hold back at a roast well the, the thing is that- He already knew my rep and he was really giving me-

The athletes, that's what they do. They're just being fun of each other. Not every athlete is like that. He's like that. Yeah, he's the king of that. I think a lot of them now, and you could tell us better than this, they know what they're- They're so worried about branding and promotions

and they have all these deals that they're not allowed to say things. They're not allowed to laugh at certain things. They don't want to be seen in certain places because of the business model. You know what I'm saying? And I totally give it to them. It's like they really have to watch it. Otherwise they can lose whatever it is, a contract or whatever it is. What would be the best sports person at roast right now?

Alive? Yeah. The best sports guy? Yeah, man. Yeah. I don't know. What would be a great sports roast? I'd love to do one.

I mean, Rob Gronkowski would be pretty great. That would be great. You've got a lot of ways to go with him. I would like to do a series of them, though. Like a series of sports ones. I think that would be really cool. I remember ESPN was, they asked me for my opinion on it once about whether they should do sports roasts.

And I was like, I can't even, You're taking out jokes out of my columns. You're going to do a roast? Right. You can't even handle one-liners in the fucking online column. They would have to go through such a filter. Oh, my god. There's no way. It would look corny.

It wouldn't look good. I roasted Terry Bradshaw once. And I roasted Boomer. And I've done PG roasts of athletes in certain situations. I hosted the Golden Glove Awards. Who's the- Gold Glove, sorry. Who killed the most?

You're self-accepted at one of those. Because you basically, what are you? It's like nine minutes, 10 minutes? Everybody's different. Yeah, you're not answering that question. What do you mean? What's nine minutes, 10 minutes? No, about when somebody just goes up and just absolutely slays

it who's who had the all-time slaying giraldo was really good or at any giraldo is really good yeah he was really good giraldo i mean he would get exponentially better every roast like he knew he had to step it up for a while there it was like this almost like an arms race of uh insults between him and lisa like who, who could throw harder against you? Here's the thing about Geraldo that people overlook and they have to remember when they would watch him on those Comedy Central roasts. There's no warm-up.

Yeah. People would eat, drink, and then the show would start, and Greg would be the first roaster out. The host would do a warm-up, you know, would do whatever the host does and set the tone. But you would watch Greg hitting homers before there's even... Yeah, the stands aren't even filled with any cake. So the crowd is literally like you could hear forks hitting the dish

and people just sort of like leaning in going, wait, what did he say? So he kind of, he just slapped them awake so that it's not not the word bombing's not right though this is more like he was just like shooting he's just slapping people before they could even laugh and then he got him on there then he by the end of it he was like crushing and it was just a different approach he he didn't have time or the patience to ease into it he's amazing that way like fearless just like you don't see that you know just pushing pushing down the door it was great i knew jeff took rose seriously when he started the rose battle and

ralphie may got voted out i was like oh this is definitely not rigged. If he's voted, that was traumatic for you. Yeah. He was bad for a while. It was. It was. Jimmy Kimmel and I were the judges, and that was tough. But I do take it seriously, and Ralphie lost that battle. And sometimes it takes a little while, but he figured out that he lost.

When did Ralphie die? Last year? Yeah. Yeah. It was a tough year for comics. You lost a couple friends. Yeah. How many?

I'm trying to think who else. Geraldo died. Greg Geraldo, Ralphie, Patrice, a lot of comedians. I know at least 10. Sean Rouse was a good friend of Dave's, passed away recently. Funny comedian from Texas. It ain't easy being a comic. But let's not.

But I think that's why people. I'm going to tip of the hat to Ricky Jay, everybody. Oh, my God. A great magician. I reread that New Yorker piece about him from 25 years ago. That was one of the best ones I've ever heard. I got to look at that. It's like this whole deep dive feature on how crazy great he was.

He was like a magician's magician this guy and he uh he also like was like classic where he like you know ran away to become a magician i like that you know who is who what younger person is doing the most inventive stuff right now that in magic or in comedy in comedy let's put both or magic comedy ventriloquism the in-between art form is there anybody out there who's pushing the envelope ventriloquism. The in-between art form. Is there anybody out there that's pushing the envelope? Vantriloquism, the gateway to law school. My favorite comic right now, one of them is Yamanika. She's great.

Yamanika Saunders. She has a new Netflix special called The Deplorables. She really kills me. She really, really kills me. She is great. She's like that. She came out on the road with Dave and I during some of the bumping mike's tour dates and you know like she she comes out right away and just wakes the audience up she's completely self-deprecating look her up she's so funny i like her a lot i have a

ton of names i can i love the joke people i like people who like you know like fanatical joke writers like louis katz mike vecchione uh mark norman and sam morel just awesome great at it mike fiona all these guys are really good they're all like uh super hardcore comics and like you will see them you know a lot i i have a feeling that they will see them a lot and then there's like you know the guys that used to open for me who are now super great headliners like jay okerson Jay and Sam and I'm sorry, Dan Show, Dan Soder. That's a fun ride. Funny guys.

They're both really great comics. There's a lot of funny people right now. There's so many good people out there now, but everybody's kind of like in their own bubble of what they think they like or what they should watch. You know who we love, Dan? You can go out and go to a comedy club, like sight unseen, and just check it out? And even if it sucks, you go like, hey, you know what? I checked it out. I did something that people used to do all the time.

Sight unseen, I went to a comedy show. The worst thing that's happened is you have a drink and leave. I mean, honestly. How many times have you walked out of a movie in your life? God, maybe twice. OK, so do it twice. That's what I'm going to say. Go twice.

What's the best? I'm trying to support bad comedy. You know who's funny? Joe Mackey, who's on our show. Joe is awesome. And Will Silvins. And Will Silvins. What's the best LA club right now?

I'm sorry I didn't bring them up. Very good job. Does the top club shift, or is it just everybody's got their little corner? Of what? Just the best comedy club right now. Oh, I don't know. I would say out here that, you know,

I'm a huge fan of both the improv and the comedy store because not only do I have work there, but I know the people that run it. And I really do like know that they used to start as waiters and waitresses at another comedy club where I was headlining. And it's like people are like, how do you get it? How do you become a, like, when you're in the comedy world like from from like almost like i guess you could

say it like squire tonight to king to whatever it's like a lot of people have started at the at the i used to work the door at a comedy club and like have just like worked their way through the whole system there right so i love that but they're great clubs uh all of them actually out here i think are really cool like the improv and the laugh factory and but the comedy there's no signature one right now the comedy story you can tell you out here in new york it's still like the cellar carolines you know yeah i feel like they're all kind of having a moment every every club in la in new york and a lot of the clubs on the road there it's it's out of it's like a mission right now the world is uncertain

politics no one ever if you do commit cop political comedy never once in a blue moon you heard about someone coming around it was but now it's permeates all comedy it's like the way sports or it's like nascar politics everyone has a team and a slogan so i think comedy clubs support different ideas free speech comics who think one way or another they don't book that way they book on popularity and and and being able to kill and i think the comedy club should get a lot of credit for that you know the comedy seller for for example, will book the most liberal and the most conservative comics, and they book just the funniest people. You have a mix of everything. And, you know, you've got to give the Comedy Store credit, and Roast Battle is where you'll see disabled comics, transgender comics, more Asian comics than you would normally see on a lineup and of course

black and white and irish and italian and comedy is more diverse and mixed i'm not saying woke the woke comics put me to sleep practically but just general like funny people are coming around and maybe because i don't know there's high unemployment comic i don't just. What's a woke comic? That sounds terrible. Super politically correct, trying to, I don't know. How's that comedy? Social justice warrior type. Well, sometimes people are funny, making a point. Someone would say George Carlin was a woke comic.

When was the last time? Is Jeff officially dating people that he's twice as old as? Jeez. Has he, has he lapped it? It's like lapping the field. As part of the Bumping Mike team, so we never let it out of the small circle,

but I will say this, I will say this, that Jeff, you know, when, when, when he says all these comics, they all grew up watching you and watching me on Comedy Central.

And like, you know, it's kind of, it's kind of like creepy and cool that like, you of creepy and cool that you've been doing it this long. And now there's a whole generation coming up behind it. And I think it's cool to see. I don't really see myself going past that. But for the younger generation, yeah, they are coming up now.

And what they're going to do and what they're going to have to face, I can only imagine. I really feel for them. It's really a tougher game. It definitely has more stakes to it. I really feel for them in terms of comedy. Yeah, and also if you do two really good minutes, that could end up being in a special down the road.

But then somebody videotapes it, and now it's on YouTube. How do you get it to come down? The whole idea of going to a comedy club is in debate when there's like YouTube sensations that these people, you know, like they, they basically are raising our children. They're the ones that these kids watch,

you know, like every day putting up a new tutorial or whatever it is. And then they, then they go to the clubs and they sell out big time. So if you own the comedy club, you know, you got to balance the two of like, you know, I need to pay the bills. tutorial or whatever it is and then they then they go to the clubs and they sell out big time so if you own the comedy club you know you got to balance the two of like you know i need to pay the bills and i also want to like support comedy so right you want somebody who's got a ton of followers or absolutely yeah do we cover everything i think hey man it's great meeting you bumping

bumping mics bumping mics three episodes but then it said season one, which makes me think another season is coming. It does. Yeah, it said season one. I didn't know. I didn't realize that. You're right. Dave. Wow.

We got another check coming. I love it. It sounds like it. No, but we're not signed up for that. You could finally make the money back from the porn show. That would be great. That would be awesome. Get back in the black.

I'm not saying we're going to do it again. I'm taking it in bitcoins. I don't know how he's doing it. I'm not saying we're going to do it again. I don't know how he's doing it. I'm not saying we would do another season, but if we did, I think it would be fun to go on the road or to Europe or something. How would you not do another season? You taped everything in one weekend. I know, yeah.

It was smooth sailing all the way through. Get to hang out together, do your thing. Surely. But it's our material. We don't do it unless there's firepower like it takes a long time to like he's getting up now for some reason you're done i'm not i had one more question i have one more question i have a question when was the last time you guys were really mad at each other oh i was mad on the drive over so it's not gonna take 30 minutes

i'm afraid to tell the story because we're finally not fighting about it anymore he's gonna you're gonna go have a cigarette now he's standing up I didn't know you had the breakfast club in here I just got that one I haven't hung it yet wow it's a great one you're one poster away from a hot topic

the only time I get mad the only time Dave lets bruce lee wooden in trucks the only time dave lets me get mad at him is when i'm not allowed to visibly do it in front of people like we'll be on stage it's called being professional we'll be on stage first of all there'll be like a promoter in the room and he'll start yelling at me about some nonsense from the night before and i'm like dave don't fight in front of the people but we'll be on stage and i'll set him up for the same joke three nights in a row and then we'll finally be like shooting the big show or whatever and i'll be like hey dave how is how is that trip to oregon like just setting them up for the vegan strip club

bit or whatever and he'll just look at me like I'm speaking Portuguese. There you go. And let me just give him these ridiculous setups. So inside, I'll be steaming where my blood pressure is like raging. Because he squandered your assist. Like in basketball, he gave me this pass for a layup. It's like I gave him an alley-oop and he just batted it down. You know who else had the same problem?

The Eagles. I'll put us had the same problem? The Eagles. I'll put us on that level of. All right. Bumping mics. Check it out on Netflix. Dave, pleasure to meet you. Jeff, great to see you as always.

Great to see you, bud. Talk to you soon. Love you, bud. All right. We're going to jump to four realsies with my daughter, America's favorite teen pop culture segment.

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The new Allwool Runners are available in a variety of limited edition colors at allbirds.com. All right. My daughter Zoe's here. It's time for another installment of America's favorite teen culture segment, For Realsies. That's an epic intro. You're consuming a lot of media lately, especially because you had Thanksgiving break off.

You plowed through the haunting of Hill House is that what it's called yeah why was this your favorite tv show of all time um so to like give a little backstory or the plot of the show if you haven't watched it which if you haven't i'm concerned for your health because it's the best show I've ever watched. It is about this family who have kind of, they lived in a house called the Hill House, which had been around for thousands of years and rumored to be haunted throughout the town. And the family, weird things begin to happen and they kind of start falling apart, but it flashes back from when the kids in the family are kids and showing their lives, living with like these ghosts in the house to how it's affected them being adults and like how it's still affecting them. And it's just, it's insane. That sounds depressing.

It's, but it's like, it's not depressing. It's really scary. And like, if you're one of those kids or people, whoever you are that are really into being scared and emotionally attached to a TV show, this is your show. It's so good. Why do you like movies and TV shows so much where something's wrong with the house? Do you really secretly want something to be wrong with our house? Or do you want to move into a house that something's wrong with it i think i like watching those types of shows that have issues with house because that's like my worst fear living in a house that has something wrong with it like the basement's filled with something or every time you turn on the shower blood comes out like i'm just

well i think most people would be afraid of that if blood was coming out of the shower uh yeah i mean you won't go into our attic. No, never. No. No. How much would I have to pay you to go into the attic for five minutes? I mean. Lots of money. Yeah, lots of money.

All right, so you love that one. You, since the last time, I can't remember the last time you were on, but you were predicting that To All the Boys I Loved Before was going to be a massive hit because you read those books. And then it became a hit and we talked about that. But now you read the other book that she did. What was that book? I've read The Summer I Turned Pretty

and I'm finished with the second book going on to the third book in the series. And I also read her book called Shug, which they're both, they're all great books that I feel like would make fantastic movies. Like To All The Boys I've Loved Before was so successful, not only because of like the plot of the movie, but the cast. Yeah. Like Noah Centineo like is a big hit right now.

Everyone's obsessed with him. Yeah. This year, we talked about this last time you were on, but this year this was social media combining with teen movies yeah so his instagram was like under a million and now it's like 16 million yeah he has gained more followers in like a shorter amount of time than like anybody else says he i'm pretty sure has more followers than the president and you i hope that's true yeah or not the current president, but yeah. You follow him on Instagram? Yeah. What's going on with his life?

Why are people so interested in him? He, I feel like everyone's so interested in him because he was like a very quirky character that was like adorable more so than like. He was lovably adorable, but lovably awkward. Yeah, exactly. so than like he was lovably adorable but lovably awkward yeah exactly and his instagram is like he's doing this modeling campaign with some company i'm pretty sure but all of his posts are like him with his dog or him eating breakfast like it's always someone else he's in no way narcissistic like he'll always be posting pictures of other people or his fans or like he's very so he hasn't

been selfless tainted yet by fame no and he has a lot of it you dm back and forth with your friends where you get attached to certain celebrities and send pictures who are those celebrities no centennial um the dole and twins are like my favorite YouTubers right now. Yeah. And so like there's a bunch of conspiracy theories between like the Dolan twins, the one of the twins, Ethan. This other YouTuber, Emma Chamberlain, who just moved to LA like a year or two ago, that they're like dating secretly, but she's 17 and he's almost 20. So they're not allowed to like announce them dating. Wait, that's illegal. I know.

You're not allowed to date somebody. You're only 13. You're not allowed to date anybody of any age. It's just a conspiracy theory. Like you don't actually know that it's happening, but it's like a lot of people are kind of. Like he has to wait till she turns 18 and then they're going to announce it. I don't know.

That still feels illegal. It's like, it's's just a conspiracy theory i think we should throw him in jail don't ever say that i love ethan dolan but like we send um videos back and forth which are like edits that other people make who also like the dolan twins and they like create edits with pictures from like all of their videos and like songs and they're really funny craig did you know any of this no i i really feel separated from team called this is why we do for realsies and craig's not even that much older than you i know it's crazy yeah thank god you're not allowed to date i don't have to worry about you having somebody waiting until you turned 18 today that's not what's happening it's just it sounds like that's kind of what's happening best friends and it's like everyone's just

you know how when people are best friends they have to make it awkward and they have to like throw in there oh they're probably dating. It sounds like you and b****. You better cut that out. Definitely not cutting that out. That was funny.

B**** your friend continue hey Netflix announced some movie that they were casting for that when I told you the plot you just not knowing anything about it they haven't even made the movie yet or cast the lead and you were like that's gonna be a big hit

the tall girl remember I sent you that thing it was they were casting for somebody who's like in high school who's like five foot ten five foot eleven and can't find a boyfriend because she's so tall and you were like that one's that one's a massive hit mark it down i wish we could buy stock in this stuff honestly but the one thing that will make it a massive hit is if they have like an attractive male character it won't so it has to be she's she's like 5 10 5 11 and he's like 5 8 but he's super handsome or does she find somebody who's taller how does that? What would you want to see? That's a tough call because that's a movie that I've never seen. That's the movie that you want, though.

Yeah, that's a movie that I'd want for sure because it has a weird twist. And you can't date somebody. Well, you're not allowed to date anyway, but you'd have trouble dating somebody who is shorter than you. Yeah. I think they would have to be taller. Right. Yeah. You have a couple of tall friends too who have issues with this.

Oh, yeah. I do. That's why this movie would work because everybody has at least one friend who's beautiful but six feet tall or 5'10 or whatever and it's harder for them to find people. Yeah. So you're buying stock in this one? Yeah. Yeah.

I'll buy stock in that. It sounds like you should be in it. Maybe they could cast you. Maybe you could have a podcast with the tall girl. What else? So A Star is Born. A Star is Born, great. I don't know if we've talked about that one on the pod.

I think we have. We did? Last time. How many times have you seen it? We got the screener because I'm in the Producers Guild. Well, I haven't watched a screener yet because I haven't had a chance to. But most definitely we'll be watching that like another. Bohemian Rhapsody we have not talked about.

Oh, Bohemian Rhapsody. Yeah, give us your review of that one. Okay, so I did not want to see the movie. I thought that it was going to be like, I don't know. I just didn't want to see it. I wasn't really interested um and but ben simmons your brother obsessive queen fan since seeing bohemian rhapsody has um had forced me to go see the movie with him and i feel transformed after seeing it it was so good it was just basically the concert stuff made it great yeah but like

there wasn't much of a movie though it was just basically it showed no it showed is like how his road to fame went and like everything that happened to get him to the point where he was but it was like i don't know it was one of those movies that you really felt connected to because it was like so emotionally hard to watch because he was going through so many things in a fast amount of time which like fame can do to you but um i know that's happened to you after for realsies when you got to 4 000 instagram fans and it was hard to deal with but um like as loving music I love music so much. So the movie was even better to me because all the songs were great.

And then also coming home and then Ben's on YouTube watching the Prince's Trust concert from 1983. Freddie Mercury. Singing Freddie Mercury in his weird outfits. We're calling him Benny Mercury. Ben, your brother goes through these obsessive stages this one hasn't been that bad but he got Michael Jackson Michael Jackson has come back at least

three times and we're kind of expecting a fourth it started off when he was like what six right well now he's at the age to get invited to the Neverland Ranch if Michael Jackson was still around so thank god he's not yeah to the Neverland Ranch if Michael Jackson was still around. So thank God he's not. Yeah, hopefully not. But he went through Michael Jackson, then back to wrestling.

Hamilton. Hamilton. Couple Hamilton runs. Yeah. Then Michael Jackson, then Hamilton. Baseball. Baseball. No, it was hockey.

Fortnite. Oh, hockey, baseball. And then Michael Jackson again. Fortnite. Baseball and girls. girls yeah that's true he had cotillion this week he's so concerned with his appearance now like he made me do

his hair like five different times in the bathroom to go to school seriously? is he concerned with it or is there somebody he's trying to impress? I don't know I think I think there's somebody at school again Ben's a cool kid in his grade like he's he's

like the funny clown of the class but he's like the cool kid so I think our listeners know that he's a clown yeah well yeah yeah they've heard the stories and he asked if he could be the president of a frat someday so I know

I know we're in trouble there wait what other pop culture so we have Bohemian Rhapsody you loved so you think that's a family movie

the whole family should go to that one yeah you loved The Star is Born but we talked about that already The Good Place

The Good Place you've been watching yeah how many episodes so the funny thing is I think I'm on 7 or 8 in the first season so the guy who created the good place his son is on ben's baseball team so you have all these

you can talk to him about it awesome can ask him questions i um i started watching it because all of my friends were obsessing over it yeah and um i was hanging out with my friend ella who was like our family friend and i've known since forever and she just put the episode on and I've like literally blown through it since then and I've only had like maybe a day or two and then I got back into school but it's such a good

show like I really like it I think it's understandable that some people might not like it but I really have enjoyed watching it. Really? It's a very popular show at The Ringer. Yeah.

Really? A lot of The Ringer people have gotten into it. And The Hate U Give. Oh, The Hate U Give. I have so many things to say about it. For one, if you're going to see the movie, please read the book first. I know that sounds like cliche and like stupid, but you really should read the book first. This is one of those scenarios where like the book is so good and it includes more than the movie.

I love the movie the same amount as I love the book, but you really should read the book first. Okay. I thought the movie was so good and it like exceeded every expectation I had for it since reading the book. But it's like, it very heart-throbbing like i never cry and you know that i never cry during movies that's my side yeah and like mom cries for everything mom cried during a michael jordan commercial once the only movie i've ever cried in is marley and me but like this movie i cried the entire time. And it was just, it's so emotionally impacting. Like you definitely should see it or read the book.

You're going through, you're applying to high schools next year. You've had to do applications and write about yourself and take tests. Are you excited for it to be over soon? Yes. So excited. So, so excited. Just like not have the stress of it and just like be waiting to know at schools i don't miss that that's one of the few things i don't miss about being a kid

yeah one of the best things about being a kid is you don't have to pay for everything anything and yeah you don't have a job but i like i realized i didn't appreciate my kindergarten homework which was like drawing a smiley face on a piece of paper and turning it in. I really just did not appreciate that enough. Do we need to go back and watch some of the old high school movies now that you're

about to go into high school? Yeah. We got to bang out like Breakfast Club and 16 Candles. I've seen that a billion times. We'll run it back. Never Been Kissed. Is that kind of a high school movie? Okay, so my school is doing electives. We do electives on Friday. And one of my favorite teachers at my school, Lil,

she's running an elective that's called Teenage Movies Empowerment for Girls. And they're based on a female main character. And it's just a bunch of movies. And we're going to be watching movies and eating snacks the entire time. So I'm going to get to watch those high school movies. I like you're's just a bunch of movies and we're going to be watching movies and eating snacks the entire time. So I'm going to get to watch those high school movies.

I like you're becoming more and more of a feminist as you're getting older. Age 13, it's starting to happen. Yeah. I mean, I'm not like an insane person.

No, you're a proud female. Yeah. What books are you reading other than the ones you mentioned? Any other ones? Because you've been plowing through books.

Yeah. Make some book recommendations. What about those two that the publisher sent you? You read one of those, right? Yeah. I started the first one. So I got sent two books from a publisher and I was in the middle of- For realsies, becoming a brand. Publisher sending you books. I was in the middle of reading three other books, but i just started the first book that she sent which i believe it had a traumatic start like so that's good you like traumatic yeah i don't want to spoil anything but like something happens within the family and then it like brings a

we didn't say what the book was so you're not spoiling anything i can't remember what it's called but it's really good so far. All right. Well, over Christmas, you have to read a ton of books. Yes. And I've been reading a book a week about, like maybe a book a week and a half.

And I have a couple book recommendations. Every Jenny Han book that I have read has been super successful and I've completely loved and felt torn apart when I finished. What was the book you read when we had the soccer trip and you read the book in one day? Oh, that was the first, The Summer I Turned Pretty. Yeah, yeah. That was the first one. You plowed through that one. I plowed through that one. I love that book.

That entire series is really good. Shug is really good. I finished that in like two hours it's a short read but it's really really good and then um right now i'm finishing there's a there's three books to the series to all the boys i've ever loved before yeah and then i'm on the second book of that and yeah so all the jenny hon books are are really really. Do you care about Ariana Grande's Thank U, Next thing? Oh, yeah, her song. No, has that reached your demo? Because that's become a big social media thing. Yeah. I listened to that song a couple of times.

I don't know if I like the song. It hasn't hit you yet? It hasn't hit me. What's the thing you're going to Friday that has Shawn Mendes? Oh, Jingle Ball? I am so excited. Let's end on that one. Shawn Mendes, who else? It's Shawn hit me. What's the thing you're going to Friday that has Shawn Mendes? Oh, Jingle Ball. I am so excited. I literally- Let's end on that one.

Shawn Mendes, who else? It's Shawn Mendes. Who else is in it? Shawn Mendes, very high on the power rankings. Oh, very high. I love him. He's amazing. And then there's, it's Shawn Mendes.

I thought there was somebody else really good. Cardi B? Yeah, I think Cardi B is doing it. She's always doing those type of stuff. I'm excited for her. She's a great performer. Who else, I think Cardi B is doing it. She's always doing those type of stuff. I'm excited for her. She's a great performer. Who else? I think there was like Dua Lipa.

I really like her. She's awesome. Who's your favorite new artist of 2018? That's difficult. I mean. I don't feel like there's been a new one in your demo. There's like an artist that I'm just really obsessed with. I like a couple of different songs from different artists,

but I haven't found an artist that really everything they do I love. The biggest thing that's happened to you that you've liked is that Logan Paul and Jake Paul are kind of on the outs now. Oh, yeah. For sure. Love that. They're not cool anymore. No.

The cool group right now is James Charles.les yeah by the way he just released his first palette okay which is really cool and that's created a lot of controversy on the internet about his palette because he's like the most successful youtuber right now yeah negotiable but he is very um well known and like no matter who you are when you're my age you know who he is very well-known. And no matter who you are, when you're my age, you know who he is. James Charles. James Charles. Big win for him. Big win.

Who knew, Craig? I didn't. Yeah. Everyone knows about James Charles, and he just released his palette. And that's been a crazy kind of thing that he did. Well, congrats, James Charles. What about Brat? What's going on at Brat?

Oh, okay. kind of well congrats james charles what about brat what's going on at brat oh okay so i short my computer short-circuited so i haven't i hadn't been able to watch a couple of their episodes so i caught up on like at least four i think of my favorite one of their shows totally eclipse yeah with maddie ziegler and johnny or johnny orlando you like maddie ziegler yeah or not maddie ziegler it's mackenzie oh yeah yeah it's mackenzie and johnny orlando and like a bunch of other people but i really really what happened to that netflix show you liked where the girl had cancer and then everybody shaved their heads that's coming back soon right yeah oh alexa and katie yeah i

love that show i literally watched it over the summer and i've been waiting for it yeah when it ended you were traumatized after you were like where's the next one you don't understand that they'd only done one season i just like i sometimes get emotional and attached to like tv shows that i watch or books that i read and there's been a couple like The Hill House. I'm- Alexa and Katie, definitely. Literally missing that so much. Alexa and Katie, Stranger Things,

which isn't coming out until summer 2019. Yeah, that's a long time. And it came out almost a year ago now. So that's kind of depressing because I really love that show. But yeah, that and my book, Shug. All right. So you're going to have Christmas break soon. You're going to have to watch a lot of stuff. Give us an update. Yeah. If you have any recommendations, any of you listeners,

please send them or comment them on my Instagram or whatever, which is 4 Resies. Because I really do need more TV shows and books that people like so I can talk about them. This is a great plug. Your Instagram. That was a great plug. It's the number four. And then it is, it's the number four, R-E-A-L-S-E-E-Z. Yeah.

You're up to a whopping 4,000 followers, but you're supposed to give more recommendations though. You're not going to build your audience when you only have four posts. This is what's happening right now. I only have four posts because I've been going through like the applications process and interviews.

I'm about to go to an interview today, but once it's all over, I will be more active on that account. I promise. I know Craig's been disappointed. Thanks for coming on, Zoe Simmons. Yeah. Thank you.

All right. Thanks to zipcruiter.com. Don't forget to go to zipcruiter.com slash BS. Thanks to Allbirds. They believe comfort, design, and sustainability don't have to be mutually exclusive. They're Allbirds wool runners, comfy shoes made from wool. So soft, it feels like walking on clouds with the holiday right around the corner. It's time to consider Allbirds as a gift for someone on your list or for yourself.

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there's only bonus not available for withdrawal state and age restrictions apply for full eligibility rules and terms and conditions. Go to fanduel.com. We are done for this week.

We have three good pods coming next week, Sunday Night with Sal and the rewatchables that we actually taped yesterday, me, Fantasy, and Chris Ryan. That's all coming soon on The Ringer Podcast Network. Enjoy the weekend On the wayside On the first I never said I don't have to ever say