The Bill Simmons Podcast - NBA Michelin Ratings With Shea Serrano, Kathryn Hahn on the Harden Trade (?), and Million Dollar NFL Picks | The Bill Simmons Podcast (Ep. 455)

Episode Date: December 14, 2018

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons sits down with Shea Serrano to talk about the mediocre Spurs, Western Conference playoff teams, whether NBA players got Michelin stars, and prison movies (3:05). Then Bill gives out some million dollar NFL bets (32:10) before sitting down with actress Kathryn Hahn to discuss her acting origins, 'Step Brothers,' 'Bad Moms,' raising kids, the Harden trade, and more (48:50). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network is brought to you as always by ZipRecruiter. You know what's not smart? Letting people eat food on your podcast. People are mad that in the last podcast, Katie and Rich were eating food. It'll never happen again, I promise you. You know what else is the smart job sites that overwhelm you with tons of the wrong resumes?

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We're also brought to you by the world's greatest website, TheRinger.com, where Brian Curtis just put up, God, it was like 20,000 words about how Fox stole the NFL from CBS in the 1990s and not only changed football, but created the Fox network. And it might be a little parallel for what happens with streaming over the next, I don't know, next five years, something like that. Check that out. It was an awesome day for our website. We really had some great stuff today. And we premiered This Is Bus.

Did you see This Is Bus, Shay? I watched it. I watched everything. You weren't in it? Everything Jason Gallagher does right now is incredible. He's really in the zone. He's like the Paul Thomas Anderson of internet videos. I made it my, it wasn't a dramatic acting debut because I've acted before, but I put, I'm in it. A lot of Ringer people are in it. It's a good one. Check it out. This is bus.

You can find that on the Ringer Twitter. You can find that on the Ringer YouTube channel. And also speaking of things in the Ringer, the Ringer Podcast Network. I went on Dave Chang's podcast because he wanted to talk about his favorite food trends of 2018. Shea Serrano, you also have a podcast. It's called Villains. It's called Villains.

How many are out now, four? We are out, today was episode five. Five. We have three left. The Gone Girl Lady? Amy Dunn, yes. Yeah. One of the best villains of the last decade.

That movie freaks me out. We're going to talk villains and some other stuff with Shay coming up. We are also going to do NFL picks. And one of my favorite actresses, Katherine Hahn, was in studio a while ago. Actually, we've been holding this until the right week. And something kind of unbelievable happens during the podcast. It involves basketball. It is definitely one of the strangest and most awesome things that have happened on this podcast.

So that's all coming up first. Pearl Jam. All right. Chase Serrano is here. What up? I have some things to throw at you. I have some things to catch. Let's do it. Well, first of all, do you care about football now that the Texans are on fire?

Although they did lose last week. Did you get sucked into that or you moved to San Antonio? Did you give up on Houston? No, I love football more than anything right now. Really? More than anything? Nine games in a row. That's the most we ever won.

I felt like. Oh, it's a we situation now? It's a we. Texans, yeah, for a long time. What's the deal with San Antonio?

Could they have an NFL team? They can't, no. Not big enough? Not big enough. The fans would be incredible. It would be like the Raiders. We were trying to get the Raiders

for a while we even had a professional game in San Antonio I went to that one it was like I think it was at the Alamo Dome it was an incredible environment we would do great

with a football team but they're never gonna give us one the San Antonio Raiders if the fans from another team came in for a San Antonio Raiders home game what would happen to the fans?

It would be like a, it would be like. They just disappear. You'd never be seen again. And shot caller when he starts to fight and everybody's like, that's what it would be. Every game, every game is a prison yard fight.

What is, what has it been like the first Spurs season in 20 years that they're just not a contender and there's no real hope for anything? It feels, it still feels like we're going to turn it around. We haven't really just the infrastructure. Yeah. Well,

like you look on the sidelines, I went to the Lakers game and you look on the sidelines and you see pop and you're like, Oh, there's pop. There's LaMarcus. There's DeMar. Like we're going to be fine.

This is, we're just figuring it out is what it feels like right now. I mean, I still, we're not going to win a title, but we're going to get to the playoffs, I think. I don't know. You don't know. I don't know. There's a lot of good teams in the West. Sure.

We do process of elimination. We just have to be better than the Timberwolves. Yeah, but they might not make it either. That's it. Hold on. I'm going through. One of the theories I wanted to throw at you, would it shock you if like around the All-Star break, Pop just quietly disclosed this was his last season and he's out?

No, that would not shock me at all. That would be one of my outlandish, but not truly crazy predictions for the rest of this year. That's a good call because it's not going to be like a big thing. Like if he, I don't even think he would do it during the all-star break. I think the season would be over

and he'd be like, oh, by the way, this was- Oh, you think he would just quietly get out of there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it would be a whole thing. Like what Tim Duncan did.

You know, there was no- Well, that's Tim Duncan though. There was no, there was no thing. I mean, but those two, they're like an extension of each other. He's just going to disappear one day. So right now the Spurs are 14 and 14.

They are- Yes. Really mediocre. That's good. They are two games out of the playoff spot, basically. See, we're fine. I'm going to go through all the teams. You tell me who's making the playoffs.

Okay. Is Denver a playoff team? Where are they right now? They're 18 and nine. They're the one seed. They have a four and a half game lead over you. A lot of injuries though. Yeah, they'll make the playoffs.

All right, I agree. I think Denver, yes. Golden State, yes. Yes. Oklahoma City, yes. Yes. That's three. That's three.

The Lakers, yes. LeBron, they're 17-10. They're going to, yeah, they're going to make it. He's winning 50 games. I actually think he's pretty locked in with that team though. I think he was great. There's, I think that first two weeks,

you can kind of see it. It was almost like somebody sitting down to play some poker who didn't want to get in any hands yet. It's like, I'm just going to hang out. Yeah. And then he was kind of like, oh,

all right. Kind of like my cards though. This was the first time I saw him in person when we went to this game. Oh really? In my life. Yeah. Oh, hold that thought because I have something in person when we went to this game. Oh, really? In my life, yeah. Oh, hold that thought because I have something I wanted to throw at you with that. Lakers, I have them in.

That's four. Clippers? Where are they right now? 17 and 10. Pretty deep. That's pretty good. They got a lot of depth. They can survive any injury and they're okay.

The only reason I'm going to say yes is because I follow Isaac K Lee on Twitter. Yeah. And he's like, he's in my head. I feel like they're, they in my head, they're,

they're 22 and two right now. Where did you rank Isaac singing? Hello Luca with a Gallagher at the top 10 ringer moment, top 10 moment of your life, like individual life. Unbelievable. How was it? How did he,

I couldn't believe he didn't choke. And like, his voice wasn like his voice wasn't he laughed for a little bit when he did the white and thick part which i think that was expected i couldn't believe that that really happened like i was scrolling through and i said wait a second this is at the game i thought maybe they played a video of it or something yeah holy shit this really happened it's unbelievable the internet is incredible there's some funny videos of people shooting it from the stands where people were both getting into it and getting emotional and also like, what the F is going on right now? Just complete confusion.

That's like, those are my ideal moments for us where it's like half the people love it and half the people are confused. We're right in the middle of that Venn diagram. Yeah, that's great. All right, so we got five. Memphis? No.

Memphis, no. No. And I bet you we got five. Memphis? No. Memphis, no. No. And I bet you don't think Dallas will make it. No. Memphis, 16-11. Dallas, 15-11. Sacramento, 15-12. See, here's my play.

So you think those three spots are open? I think those three spots are open. I think two of those teams are not going to make it. Well, here's who's not in the playoffs right now. Portland, 15-13. New Orleans, 15-15. Nope. You think Davis misses the playoffs right now. Portland, 15 and 13. New Orleans, 15 and 15. Nope. You think Davis misses the playoffs?

I think when they trade him, they're going to... I think they wait till the summer though. You think so? Yeah. Why? Because I think they can make the playoffs and you hope you can make a run because he's one of the best five players in the league.

You trade him, you're basically giving up on basketball in New Orleans. Like for good? You're just like, we're moving at some point soon if we trade this guy. All right. Utah, 14 and 15.

I'm not afraid of Utah. Minnesota, I agree with you. I don't think they're a playoff team. Houston, 12 and 14. See, Houston is the one

that's scary to me. I think Houston makes it. They have to make it. I'm putting them in. I'm going to say that they're going to make it and like, I'm hoping that they don't,

but I think that that takes up the sixth spot. You've got two left. They have trades to make. They have expiring contracts. They have draft picks. They don't care about taking on money. They'll be better.

That team will end up around 45. So two left between Portland, New Orleans, San Antonio, and Utah. Right. And Sacramento, Dallas, Memphis. Yeah. I think out of those six teams. I think Memphis makes it. I think out of those six teams- I think Memphis makes it. I think out of those six teams, San Antonio is going to be the one to not panic.

Like in the last eight games and you need to go five and three. True. I think we'll be okay. LaMarcus isn't playing that well though. He'll be all right. He understands now that it's his team. We're at that point, which is all we need from LaMarcus. That's where we were last year.

He had the best year of his career. Well, he's a free agent next summer. So he's invested interest to kick it in. Get it in. Can DeMar stop talking about how he's upset that Toronto traded him though? I hope he does. No more interviews.

We get it. It's a bummer. He got traded. Sports is a business. It happened. Right. Embrace your new family in San Antonio. Here are my picks.

I would say Denver, Golden State, OKC, Clippers, Lakers, and Houston. Definites. Definites. Those ones for sure. Honestly, if I had to bet, I would bet on Memphis. I can't believe I'm saying this. I would bet on Dallas. I think Dallas can make the playoffs.

They got a little bit of magic in them, right? I think Luka's special, and I think they have a trade to make. I think they can get one other person. They don't have a first round pick, so they have no interest in tanking. I've only watched like three Luka games. What's his ceiling? Like long-term career, what's his ceiling? Is it really? Yeah.

Is it really? That's his ceiling. I don't know if I'll get there. He's definitely an MVP candidate in four years. I was under the impression that this was like just fun because he has a cool name. No. I thought it was one of those situations. He's an incredible offensive player already

for how young he is. He has no idea what he's doing, but he kind of does. But I was like a rookie. It's like, if this is the worst you're going to be and you're already 20 a game and winning games in the last three minutes

and making everybody else better, that's a pretty good sign. Okay. So here's what I want to throw you. I did this on David Chang's show and he went nuts for it. I think I'm going to work it into the trade value column that I think is going to run next week. The Michelin rating for NBA players.

Okay. So the Michelin rating for restaurants is basically it's one star, two star, three stars. And restaurants like die to get a Michelin rating. You get a one star. It's like you're on the map. Okay. Two star.

One star is good. One star is good. Okay. Two. Basically nobody gets a Michelin rating unless you really deserve it. I got you. One star is you made it. We're recognizing you.

This is a place to eat. This is a place you should, you should definitely want to eat at this place. Two stars is like, you should go out of your way to eat at this place. It's really good. And then three stars is like, drop everything, sell your possessions.

You have to eat here. Has any of Chang's restaurants got this rating? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Well, although real chefs are obsessed with the Michelin rating.

Okay. So I was talking about Giannis on the Russillo podcast. I mean, on my podcast with Russillo, I was talking about how Giannis saw him at a Knicks game. And it was just like, I was like, oh my God, it was just amazing to watch him in person. And he had hit this other level where I had reached a point in my life where I'm like, I'm just not missing this guy if he's in town anymore.

Like Giannis is in town, I'm going. Okay. Which means he's a three-star Michelin guy. He's a three-star Michelin. So you saw LeBron in person. Correct. LeBron has been a three-star guy really since like 08. This is like, he's like Tanner. He might've been there in 07, I don't know. guy really since like 08. This is like, he's like Tanner.

He might've been there in 07. I don't know. It was right around 08. 09 was when he was like almost a four-star Michelin guy. But basically for 10 straight years, he's been an undeniable, you have to see him when he's in town kind of guy. But you hadn't seen him until recently.

Right. So what was the three-star LeBron experience like? The three, it was incredible. He went nuts in the first half the second half was like whatever they were up by 15 the Lakers were up by 15

in the third quarter up by 10 in the fourth and like Spurs just got hot and hit some threes but he was just he's the guy

like when he's on the court he's the only one you're watching you're not even watching the ball right you're just watching him standing at the foul during foul shots I just want to see him do a thing

that I would not have seen otherwise. Yeah. That's all that you're looking for. You don't want to go to the bathroom when he's out there. Exactly. That's all that you're looking for. I think you got to say he was a three-star in 07, though, because that's the year when he went nuts against the Pistons.

The 48 special against the Pistons. It's got to be that, yeah. The thing is, that was kind of his breakout game, so I don't know if that qualifies for 07 or not. I would say the next year, coming off that game, definitely. That was kind of his breakout game. So I don't know if that qualifies for 07 or not. I would say the next year coming off that game, definitely. That was the flag? For me, it was like as soon as he was in the league, he was at least two stars.

But I don't think it was like stop everything. LeBron's in town until 09. This Lakers game was a lot of fun because the boy, I took the twins, they're 11 now. And they're finally to the stage where they're going to watch the whole game. But not just watch the whole game. They can look at the scoreboard and understand all of the pieces. So the Spurs are getting waxed, and they're kind of sad about it, and they start coming back.

And I see them getting a little more and more and more excited. And in the fourth quarter, Jakob has a put-back dunk. And it was the first time that we'd ever been in a game, and one of them jumped up and cheered. He had the cutest look on his face. He was so excited. He'd never seen anything like that. It happened right in front of us. He like a little tiny scream came out of his little tiny mouth.

And it was fantastic. I was so, I was so pleased with that moment right there. So you love Jakob Pertl for life now. For life. That's your guy. For life. I will connect those. Those things are connected forever. You're going to get a Jakob jersey.

You might be the first one who will live in your old Jakob jersey. Who are your other three-star dudes right now? The ones we're going to see, the ones we're planning on. The ones that like this guy's in town, we have to go. We're going to the Sixers game. That's coming up. That's a good one. We got to do that one.

And Bede is like a, he's a two for me, but he might be, I haven't seen him this year. He might've turned into a three and I didn't, I didn't realize it yet. Yeah. I'm excited to see him in person. I do want to see Giannis. I said,

I haven't seen him in person yet. Giannis is a must. Either. And when we lived in Houston, all I did was go to the Spurs games. The Spurs are in town. I'm going to go, but now we're in San Antonio.

Every game is a Spurs game. Yeah. So now we're checking the names off of the list. I want to see Steph in person. Those are like my top three right now that I need to see. Steph has been a three-star guy now for six years. Yeah.

I've seen Duran. I've seen Russ. Steph's interesting because his warm-up is like a three-star thing. Yeah, you got to get there early. Yeah, you get there early. And especially at the home games, when it got to the playoffs and especially the finals, there was like 300 people around the court watching the dude warm up.

There's really been nothing like this ever with a player. I wonder who the future three-star guys are. I think Luka's going to get there. Sounds like it. Other than that. Can Donovan get there? I don't think so. Can he get one star?

Can he be a one star guy? I was battling whether he's a one star guy now. I don't feel like if he's in town, I'm not like, oh shit, Donovan Mitchell's here.

I got to at least think about this. He's not there for me yet. He's still like a 40% shooter. I like Donovan a lot. I like that Utah team a lot. Russ used to be a three, but now he's a two.

I'm still a three on Russ. You're still a three on Russ. I'm still gung ho on Russ. I don't appreciate all the Russ slander that's been happening but now he's a two. I'm still a three on Russ. You're still a three on Russ. I'm still gung-ho on Russ. I don't appreciate all the Russ slander that's been happening at TheRinger.com. Yeah, you've never really liked that. You like your individuals. Yeah. You like your individual performers.

I like Russ. Give me Russ. Give me a guy who's never afraid of anything ever. Russ is the most polarizing topic slash player slash anything that we've had at TheRinger these last two years. That's what I don't understand. Like, how is the guy who got triple doubles in two seasons in a row polarizing? Like, why are we not all in love with him?

Because he's mean? Because he's mean to the media? Because triple doubles suck. Oh my God. If you did, if you did a, an episode of villains about an NBA player past or present, who would you do?

Lambert? I mean, if this has got to be something that applies to everybody, then yeah, you've you do? Lambert? I mean, if this has got to be something that applies to everybody, then yeah, you've got to go Lambert. He's the number one basketball villain of all time. If I just get to pick my own, it's going to be Kobe. I don't like Kobe.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, you and I are kind of aligned on that. I'm still mad at Kobe. Kobe and Tatum hung out for a little while. Then all of a sudden- He screwed up his juju. I just watched Silver Linings Playbook again. Kobe screwed up the juju.

No question. I know that for sure. Now, did you not like Kobe just because of Spurs-Lakers or other things? Would you have liked him if he was on the Detroit Pistons his whole career? I don't think so. He's just, he's kind of grading a little bit. I mean, like he's one of the best basketball players of all time. And it certainly didn't help his case that he was destroying the Spurs in the playoffs for all those years.

But he's just kind of like a, like a, he's like a guy that I don't want to talk to or hang out with. But I understand like, cool, you're good at basketball. Yeah. I understand why people love him. Sure. The Spurs fans, I always felt like had a special bird in their saddle about him because- He never missed against the Spurs.

He shot 100% in the playoffs. He played really well against you. Oh my gosh. But I just thought Duncan was better. Duncan is better. And he's a better teammate. If I'm building a franchise for 20 years, I want Duncan. He gives me a better chance to compete for a title

if he's my best guy year after year after year. And at some point something shifted and then it just became like Kobe was the guy and it wasn't Duncan. And if you look at Duncan's first, I think his first eight years in the league, he was first team all NBA. I mean, think about that. He came in as a rookie. He was first team all NBA. Second year he wins the title. and then it just goes on through by the end of his eighth year eight straight first teams

he's got three three titles he's got two MVPs he's got two finals MVPs keep preaching keep preaching and the best players

he ever played with during that stretch Robinson in 99 who was past his prime, who wasn't like washed up yet, but past his prime. He was on the downhill. Headed down. In 03, wins the title.

Robinson is back, is wrecked. Right. Parker and Manu aren't Parker and Manu yet. They're brand new. Nobody knows him. Speedy Claxton's involved. Speedy Claxton is playing closing minutes in game six. Yeah, he's closing.

Steven Jackson. And Captain Jack, who closing minutes in game six. Yeah, he's closing. And then- Steven Jackson. And Captain Jack, who had been on five teams. Yeah. And who's a maniac. And who next year signs with Atlanta and then ends up getting, they give him away within a year. Tim should have had a quadruple double in game six to win that title.

Almost had it. They stole two blocks from him. What did he have? The 21, 20, 10, nine or something? Eight blocks. And they stole two of them from him. You go he have? The 21, 20, 10, 9 or something? Eight blocks. And they stole two of them from him. You go watch the tape. He got 10 blocks.

I never, I never thought about this. They intentionally didn't give them to him? I think so. I think it was a cover up. That was a rough. By Big Kobe. It was a rough. Kobe took away.

That was a rough finals. It was a great finals, I felt like. It was a great finals for you, but for the league? Spurs-Mitts was, I think that was when they realized they really had to start rigging the finals a little bit. That was the year when one of the games was like 76-77. It was tough. The next year was when Fisher somehow made the shot

in like 0.4 seconds. He made a turnaround three to beat you. Should have never happened. And the league was like, we're good with that. Don't review it. The basket is good. Spurs lose. Tim Duncan is better

than Kobe Bryant in every way possible. Tim Duncan's the best power forward of all time. Yeah. I wonder what he's doing. He is, Havlicek was like this too

in the Celtics. Havlicek retired after 16 years and then would occasionally practice with the Celtics for years later. And they retired after 16 years and then would occasionally practice with the Celtics for years later and they would always be like, he could play right now.

He'd be like our seventh man. He was like 41. I feel like Duncan could come back tomorrow and be serviceable. He's in the practice gym all the time. Yeah, I feel like he'd be serviceable.

Yeah. He would be like a 10 and 8 guy off the bench at 49 years old. It would be funny to watch him just dragging around a leg but somehow jump hooking these young guys. like a 10 and 8 guy off the bench at 49 years old. At 49? It would be funny to watch him just dragging around a leg

but somehow jump hooking these young guys. Like taking Vucevic down in the bottom. He did it against Serge when Serge was supposed to be like the guy.

Yeah. And he put him in a torture chamber in game six in Oklahoma City. It is crazy that they came back and avenged

that 2013 thing. It's the best the best thing. It is crazy that they came back and avenged that 2013 thing. It's the best thing. It's really nuts. Yeah, I mean, can you imagine if they don't come back? Yeah. That is just hanging over the whole Spurs. Forever. Semi-dynasty, whatever you want to call it.

Everything that had happened up until that point, it was like, but that's, look how it ended. Pop taking out Duncan for the two Miami possessions. Still haven't gotten over that yeah i could see pop just kind of this would be it yeah then we don't see him anymore he's just gone he's there's no tv there's no features he's just gone he's drinking wine in italy or something yeah it's like november 18th of next year and then somebody's like hey what wait a minute where's pop yeah like Yeah. Like, oh, he retired.

He's gone. Yeah. Last thing for us. Are you okay with Jason Momoa becoming like an A-list star? I feel like- Yes, yes. I feel like we were in on this early and we both bought a lot of stocks.

So did Rafe Bartholomew, our old Grantland teammate. We're getting rich off of this one. We bought the Momoa stock. It was like 50 cents. I missed out on a Keanu stock. Yeah. I missed out on that one,

but I got in early on Momoa. Well, you have an incredible amount of Michael Pena stock. I feel like my portfolio is not diversified. It's Michael Pena, 90%. I needed my boy to come through. You kept going back for more.

Your advisor's like, no, no, you have enough. You're like, no, no. After end of watch, I was like, if I can keep boy to come through. You kept going back for more. Your advisor's like, no, no, you have enough. You're like, no, no. After end of watch, I was like, if I can keep pumping it that way. Do you want to talk about your blood in, blood out interaction? Yeah, we should. We should talk about that. The greatest moment of your life?

The greatest moment of my life. So there's a writer that I made friends with in San Antonio, this young freelance writer. His name is Jose. We text every once in a while. And this is like a hardworking kid. When I was living in Houston, he asked if he could interview me for like no publication. And I was like, yeah, if you, I mean, sure.

I'm in another city. And he's like, no problem. He fucking caught the bus up there and then rode an Uber from the bus station to meet me at a restaurant. We interviewed for like 45 minutes and then he rode the Uber back and then another bus back to San Antonio. Like this is the kind station to meet me at a restaurant. We interviewed for like 45 minutes. And then he wrote the Uber back. And then another bus back to San Antonio.

Like this is the kind of work ethic we're talking about. We like hunger at the ringer. We do. So he texted me one afternoon. And he's like, hey, I'm at whatever street. Like a Hudnall or something like that in San Antonio. Something like South Side Street. And Cruz is here.

Cruz and the original artist from Blood In, Blood Out who did all the paintings, they're here signing prints. We have to stop for a second because I think some people might not know what Blood In, Blood Out is. And I feel sorry for those people. It's the greatest Chicano gangster movie of all time. 1993, I believe.

It's like 25 years old now. We're doing it on the rewatchables. I've been meaning to tell you. Are we really? We're doing next year. We're doing one every week rewatchables. I've been meaning to tell you. Are we really? We're doing next year. Don't play with me. We're doing one every week, 52 weeks. Blood and Blood Ad is happening.

We got to do Blood and Blood Ad for four weeks in a row. But this movie came out as my favorite movie of all time. Cruise is one of my favorite movie characters of all time. It was one of the reasons we initially bonded. Yeah, that was what it was. Because you were the first person I knew who liked that movie, other than myself, because it was on cable for like three straight years. I was like, I fucking love this movie.

So this guy has been, so Cruz has been living in San Antonio for years. He like pops up every once in a while. He's in San Antonio? He lives in San Antonio, yeah. So you guys could be buddies. We can be friends. This is how it starts. He's somewhere in the city. This is all leading to you doing a live podcast in San Antonio

with the entire Blood In Blood Out cast. That would be fantastic. Wouldn't be that hard to get them, right? Benjamin Brown would have to. Benjamin Brown would be tough. Now, if everyone else was in, he'd have to do it. They did a thing recently and almost everybody else was there except for Benjamin Brown. You know, with the streaming, there's so many movies now you can find anything.

The Blood In Blood Out thing, it's amazing. Netflix can't run this for a month? Yeah. It almost makes me wonder if the streaming rights are tied up somehow or if there's some sort of studio chicanery or something i think it's something to do with disney if i'm not yeah they own it they don't like latinos yeah fucking walt disney noted latino hater no they i I asked about it because I wanted to do like a, like a screening at a movie theater.

Yeah. Yeah, Alamo Drafthouse or something. Ooh. But they wouldn't let, they wouldn't let us do it. They wouldn't give you the rights? No, they say you can only show it

like outside. You can't show it in a theater. Like it was a bunch of weird, it's all tied up in a bunch of shit. I have no idea. All I know is they told me no. It's amazing.

I really, I think it might be on Amazon Prime, but you have to either buy it or rent it yeah it's on youtube you can watch it and it's on youtube oh it's on youtube yeah the whole thing the whole fucking 19 hours of it is on youtube now it's like it's like 245 right yeah it's about three hours it's so good so i get that prison stuff i get that text the guy is there he He records a video with Cruz saying a line from the movie. Who shouts you out. Who says my name in the line. And it was like, I've been semi-aroused ever since.

It's amazing. What a gesture from your fan. It was really great. That's a nice one. I was like very touched. Yeah. Well, we're doing the rewatchables next year. I don't care if most people haven't seen it.

It's going to be me and you. and then it's going to have two downloads. I'm going to download it twice. It's also like, it's technically kind of a prison movie. It is a prison movie. They spend 35, 40% of the movie in prison, which I think makes it qualify. Yeah, it's a prison movie. Have you seen the Showtime prison show? What is that?

Escape to Dinamora? No. Seriously? I have not. Is it like a show? uh, Dan Amora. No. Seriously? I have not. Does it like a show? Like Benicio del Toro? No. That's the thing.

You like Benicio del Toro? I love Benicio. It's about the two guys. He's older Michael Pena. It's, it's about the two guys who seduced the female prison guard. And then she helped them escape. And they actually escaped to New York.

Yeah. It's upstate New York. Oh, see, I didn on a true thing. Yeah, it's upstate New York. Oh, see, I didn't know about that. So it's seven episodes where it's all about them seducing her and then planning the escape. And I think it's like four in. You got to catch up. It's a lot of prison stuff. I love it.

A lot of like people sneaking out after hours, people like filing where the radiator, you know, like the little vent. we're spending a lot of time so they can take the vent out. Right. The guards never somehow noticed this, by the way. But it's a lot of that stuff. They make $9 an hour, so I'm not looking at anybody for $9 an hour. Yeah, you're just trying not to get poop thrown at you.

Exactly. That's your number one goal as a prison guard. Don't throw poop or blood at me. Everything else is gravy and other bodily fluids. So three more episodes of villains? Three more. Horror movie villain, gangster movie villain,

karate movie villain. How's your book coming? What book? You have another book coming. No, I'm done with books. Well, you wrote a book. I wrote a PDF. I thought you had another book coming.

No. I think you're spun around right now. There's no other book coming? No, there's no other book. I wrote a PDF. I thought you had another book coming. No. I think you're spun around right now. There's no other book coming? No, there's no other book. You would know if I had a book. I would say, Bill, I got a book. But I... Is there another podcast coming? If you... I mean, will you give me

season two of Villains? What do we... Yeah, do we have eight more Villains? I think I can come up with eight more villains. I'm in. That's peer pressure right there. Let's go, baby. I'm really sorry. The Spurs aren't going to make the playoffs.

They're going to make the playoffs. It's too bad. We're going to be a tough out. It's too bad. For Denver. Do you have an episode? You want to do a quick episode of parent corner? Yeah, let's do it.

Any, I don't know. Give me one. Give me a parent story. I'll give you a parent story. The boys, the twins, want to do a quick episode of parent corner yeah let's do it any i don't know give me one give me a parent story i'll give you a parent story the boys the twins they're doing this thing now i don't know where it happened maybe because they started playing flag football at school yeah they want to play football outside now yeah nice right so we're living in girls play football we're living in an apartment complex at the moment so we go outside and like the parking lot we can't we're not going to play tackle. So we're just like playing catch.

Before they were terrified of the football. Yeah. And now they're like attacking it in the air. They're like DeAndre Hopkins going up and getting it. Odell.

They had a little bit of success. One of them got an interception in the game in school. Another one scored a touchdown. So now they're like, they're football superstars in their head. So we go outside and we play

and we started playing this game called Interception, where one of them just throws it and I catch it and the other one tries to stop me. That's the whole game. Sounds physical. It's not. Okay.

Not at all. Because we're in the parking lot. Yeah. So I'm just like pointing this direction. They throw it over there. I run and catch it. The other one tries to knock it down. We did that for like two days.

And then I guess they started feeling confident. So now they want to be on the team and I'm the one who has to stop it. And we're running routes now. They're like figuring out routes. Oh, wow. And we're doing the thing where it's like, okay, you've got four chances to get to the blue car. That's a touchdown.

Like they understand that part. So they're doing that and they kept trying to like get it over me where they're going to get the whole thing in one shot. But they can't throw it that far yet. They can throw it like 20 yards yards which is not far enough so they figured out this thing where they're gonna run 10 steps come in and do a short pass and now it's a foot race now it's me versus you daddy in the open field yeah they figured out that they're faster than me they're faster they're 100 faster than me i had no idea i had no idea until i tried to chase one of them and i was like getting close and then he turned on the big engines

and pulled away from me. And I was like- Sobering moment. What the fuck is going on? Like I was running as hard as I possibly could and I couldn't get him. And he's laughing. Like he's like Usain Bolt

looking at the other guys laughing. He's doing this to me. He's giving you the shh sign. As he's running to the car. So this is like, like I'm walking around the house now. They're calling me by my first name. They're not even calling me dad anymore.

Just like, Shay, Shay, keep it down out there. I'm playing Fortnite. I'm in a bad spot right now, Bill. So step one is when your kids can beat you in the foot race. Step one is when they can hold their own in a fist fight against you. And then step three is if they kick your ass. That's coming at 18. Yeah.

But they've been talking shit about the football game. They ran like a legit, like we both jumped for the ball. One of them got up and got it over me and burned off. And you might have to get like a personal trainer. I mean, I'm going to need to start exercising. Run with a parachute. Eat healthy. I need like a Creed workout exercise routine.

At what point, at what age will they get where the two of them against you in a fight, handicap match? I think we're like four years away, maybe. It could be like age 14. Yeah, because they're already like, they're up to my chin now. They're tall. They hit like a little growth spurt. Kyle, when can Ben beat me in a fight? Like six months from now?

Does he have the element of surprise? Yeah. He might could do it now if he has the element of surprise? Yeah. He might could do it now if he has the element of surprise. Come in behind me. Get a little baseball or something. I've seen those wrestling videos. My son throws hard punches

and with like real anger behind them. He wants to like box. If he comes off like the arm chair and you're not expecting it, this lights out. Yeah, at least I'd see black for a second. Don't give me any ideas. Shea Serato, pleasure as always.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, we're going to do some football picks in a second. Rockstar Games, creators of the critically acclaimed and record-breaking Grand Theft Auto series, are back with their latest blockbuster, Red Dead Redemption 2, an epic tale of honor and loyalty set in 1899. Nephew, you've played this.

This is one of your favorites ever. Oh man, such a beautiful game. What's your favorite thing about it? Well, the online now, it's great. It's great. Oh really? Yeah. People just running,

just doing terrible things to each other. Would my son like it? Oh yeah. I can't believe he doesn't have it. Cannot believe he doesn't have it. Might have to do it this weekend. It's hailed as the game of the generation by the Hollywood Reporter,

lauded as a triumph by Game Informer. Absolutely gorgeous, says Newsweek. One of the greatest games by IGN. Now the highest rated game of all time on PlayStation 4 and Xbox One. Does that surprise you, Kyle? It does not. Does not surprise me for Kyle.

Experience the life of an outlaw in a notorious gang in Red Dead Redemption 2. On sale now at Rockstarsgames.com. I can barely speak. Hey, since we're here, support for the Bill Simmons Podcast comes from our friends at Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans,

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So people keep blaming, we're going to do some football picks. People keep blaming the Belichick, how dumb their defense was in the last play, Gronk, all that stuff. Nobody blaming nephew Kyle for just not showing up for the game at my house. You didn't show up. You were supposed to be at soccer. You didn't show up for the game. Bad communication.

Are you coming to this week's game? Playing Pittsburgh. I don't know if that's on your radar. I'll be around. Maybe you'll roll out of bed for that one. That game not only screwed up the Patriots season potentially, but it also was an incredible swing for the million-dollar picks. What a bummer.

I would have won $1 million had they just tackled anybody on the last play. I had them parlayed with the Chiefs or teased with the Chiefs. I'm sorry. And then we did this thing that was kind of fun last week. Of course, Joe House ruined it. If you remember, I wanted to take the Seahawks who won on Monday night and parlay the money line with five underdogs. I love the underdogs last week.

I wanted to do the underdog money lines and I wanted to throw San Francisco in there as one of the five. House talked me out of San Francisco and then talked me into just taking the points instead of doing the actual money lines. That little experiment actually was a little bit fruitful. And even though I lost 1.1 million

on the freaking Hail Mary play, I was only down $525,000 for the week. For the year, I am up $4.495 million. And that's going up this week. Here's what we're doing. First of all, I'm staying away from the past Steelers game, and here's why. I'm not convinced the Patriots are good, as you keep hearing me talk about on this podcast. And if anything, I would like the Steelers in this game, but there's this little problem

where the Patriots own Pittsburgh, and I think it's just a stay away. The Patriots cannot stop anybody's running game. But Pittsburgh is probably down to their third string running back, unless Connor plays, nobody knows if he's playing or not. I think it's just a full-fledged stay away. Here's what's not a stay away. The Cleveland Browns are heading to Denver. They're getting two and a half points. And here's the situation. Denver has lost three starters on the offensive line.

They've lost their two best cornerbacks. They've lost their two best wide receivers. They've lost their two best tight ends. If you watch that game last week carefully in San Francisco, a team that is absolutely atrocious, they fell behind 20-0. They gave up big plays. On third down, they were two for 15, which makes total sense because if you watch them earlier in the season, Case Keenum, he was thrown to the tight ends. He was thrown to Emmanuel Sanders. All those guys are gone. And it's basically just Case Keenum, Phillip Lindsey, and a bunch of scrubs. That's their offense. Defensively, they're banged up on the secondary.

They're also the offensive line we mentioned. They're having trouble blocking. All of this is bad. Meanwhile, you have Cleveland. Greg Williams coaching for a 2019 contract, Kyle. The bounty hunter. Bounty hunter, Greg. Here's the crazy thing.

And here's why I really like Cleveland more than anything. There's a world in which they are leading the AFC North in two weeks. Right now, they are 5-6. I'm sorry, 5-7-1. They play at Denver this week. They play home Cincinnati next week. And then at Baltimore in week 17. Right now, they are 5-7-1, Baltimore 7-6, Pittsburgh 7-5-1.

Pittsburgh's next two games, home for New England, they're underdogs. At New Orleans, they're going to be underdogs in that. There's a real good chance Pittsburgh 7-7-1 heading into that last week. And then you have Baltimore 7-6, Tampa this week, their favorite, then at the Chargers,

and then home for Cleveland. If Cleveland runs the slate, they end up 8-7-1. It's not inconceivable that they could be in the driver's seat in the AFC North. So they actually really do have something to play for. Not inconceivable that they could be in the driver's seat in the AFC North. So they actually really do have something to play for.

You could bet a, holy shit, the Browns might win the AFC North parlay. You could bet Cleveland money line, Tampa money line over Baltimore, and then New England to beat Pittsburgh. That is 100 to win plus 1275. I do not recommend that. What I do recommend is take the Browns plus two and a half in Denver. I like the way they've played the last four weeks. Baker's starting to show something. Nick Chubb's really good. They can make big plays. They lost Denzel Ward this week, their star rookie cornerback. He's got a concussion. It looks like he's not playing.

That's the only thing that slightly worries me other than the mile high altitude and the fact that Greg Williams is their coach. But again, Greg Williams coaching for a job next year. And I think there's a chance that they might be a candidate for that spot that you know I love to find the team that just gets hot for no reason in the second half of the year. Here's what they've done. I mean, they lost four straight. Week 10, they beat Atlanta. By week, week 11. Beat Cincinnati week 12.

Lost to Houston week 13. Beat Carolina week 14. I say they win this week. They beat Cincinnati. Now you're talking five and one in their last six heading into that week 17 game. So I like Cleveland. That is one of my picks. 1.1 million bucks. Cleveland plus two and a half in Denver.

I actually think Cleveland should be favorite. So you're getting free points. All right, here's the second one. I love the Rams against Philly. The Rams are home. You can go online and read all the stats about Jared Goff at home versus on the road. You could watch the tape of Dak Prescott

shedding the carcass of an Eagle secondary. They've lost so many guys. They're pulling dudes off the street. Prescott threw for over 400 yards. Cooper destroyed them. The Rams haven't had one of those kick-ass games in a while. And I think they need it.

They need to kind of lay the smack down, get our mojo back. If you remember them early in the year, they were always one of those put the pedal on the gas type teams. So they had a big lead in the second half. They're still throwing the ball, stuff like that. They scored week 9, 35 points. Week 10, 36, week 11, 54 by week, week 13 at Detroit 30. And then last week they played against a defense that statistically one of the best defenses of all time, Chicago put up six. So people are a little off on the Rams now.

It's coming back this week. They're catching Philly at a nice time No Carson Wentz Fractured vertebrae, he's out Secondary in shambles Darren Sproles is playing way too much running back They're favored by 11 I just want them to win The money line is minus 600.

So hold that thought. Second game, Seahawks minus 190 in San Francisco. Again, San Francisco looks good last week because they're playing that beaten up crappy Denver teams. This is all like, all this stuff's related. Seattle only favored by three and a half in San Francisco. In San Francisco, they've had injuries. They really have no above average skill position guys other than George Kittle. And if you actually look through their scores, since week 10, 23 points against the Giants,

nine points against Tampa, which is a disgrace, 16 against Seattle, and then they scored 20 last week against Denver. Now they're playing Seattle again. I should point out, they lost to Seattle 43 to 16 two weeks ago. And now Seattle is favored by three and a half because people are looking at this as a trap game for them.

They got Kansas City a week from now, doing the Miltonboro, pulling just enough out to win. All of that's fine. They are minus 190 to win this game. I am parlaying the Rams minus 600 with the Seahawks minus 190. I'm not done yet though. I'm going to take three other games and I'm doing three parlays, one game each with Rams and Seahawks. Here's the first one. Bears are minus 270 to beat Green Bay in Chicago. I don't really understand the fearfulness of Aaron Rodgers and the Packers, the fact that people seem to think there's some magical run coming for them,

that they figured it out. Now they got rid of Mike McCarthy because Joe Philbin is apparently going to right the ship. I just don't see it. I don't believe it. I think this Bears defense is historically great. I hate using the word historically great, but they really might be. It's starting to seem like they're figuring out how to use their running backs. Trubisky was horrendous last week.

They still won. I just see them running all over Green Bay. And if they can set up the play action, Green Bay's secondary is a disaster. And I'm not buying Green Bay at all. I'm just not. Congratulations. You beat Atlanta last week. Atlanta quit on their coach and they're banged up and they're a mess.

You're not winning in Chicago. So Rams, Seahawks, Bears, all to win $500,000 plus 144. What do you think of that, Kyle? Sounds crazy enough to work. If I win that one, I win almost $740,000 or something. Risking 500 to win almost 750. Well, goddamn, let's do it. Doing that.

Same deal with the Saints. Minus 270 at Carolina on Monday night. I would be afraid of this game if it was a Sunday afternoon. Monday night, I believe in the Saints. They are a prime time. All eyes are on us. We're coming through. And I also thought they had a really key moment

last week where they fell behind early, playing Tampa, a team that's given them... Tampa's kind of their version of the Miami Dolphins for the Pats. And they gutted it out. They put up a whole bunch of points in the second half and showed a little bit of championship

metal. I think this is the Super Bowl team from the NFC. And if you're the Super Bowl team, you don't lose this game on Monday night. Minus 270. I'm putting 500,000 on them with the Rams and Seahawks plus 144. So that's the second one. Third one's a little wacky. The Bills of Buffalo, Kyle. What are you doing with them?

Josh Allen, the greatest running QB we've had as a white guy in some time. The greatest white running QB. He's just an anomaly. I think the Lions are awful. Here are their last seven weeks offensively. 14 points, 19, 22, 20, 16, 16, 17. You know what that tells me, Kyle? They can't score points.

Here's Buffalo. Third in defensive DVOA. Good defense. That's crazy. Okay. They've actually been playing pretty well the last few weeks. They had a tough loss against the Jets last week. It happens. They lost in the last couple minutes.

Week before, lost to Miami. Josh Allen almost won the game. He was a yard short on a play. He made an unbelievable play and just was a yard short and almost beat a Miami team that is somehow seven and six.

They beat Jacksonville a week earlier and then they beat the Jets 41 to 10. So if you look at the last five weeks of work, they've actually been pretty good. They had some bad luck with the schedule. They had to play Chicago. They played New England. They were at Indianapolis during a week

when they needed to win. They're at Houston, right as Houston was starting to come along. I don't think they're quite as horrific as people seem to think, especially not defensively. And I think they have more to play for. I think Detroit, they can't run the ball. Zach Zenner, there's signs of life from him lastly. People are like, oh, Zach Zenner. I don't see it. I don't see anything with this Lions team. So I am doing Buffalo minus two with Rams minus 600, Seahawks minus 190, 300 at plus 240. So if they win, I win 720. So here are the bets again. Rams, Seahawks parlayed with the Bears minus 270 for 500 plus 144, with the Saints 500 plus 144, and with Buffalo minus 200, 300 plus 240.

We're doing that, and we're putting $1.1 million on Baker Mayfield, bounty hunter Greg, and the Cleveland Browns plus two and a half in a banged up Denver. Those are our picks. We're winning. This is going to be good. I think I'm going to sweep these. Making that prediction now, Kyle. Big sweep. Million dollar sweep for me this week. All right. We're going to take a break. Coming up, Catherine Hunt. Hey, turn your dream into reality with Squarespace. They are making it easier than ever to launch your passion project. Whether you're looking to start a new business, showcase your work, publish content,

sell products, and more, Squarespace, the tool for you with beautiful templates created by world-class designers and the ability to customize just about anything

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right out of the box. nothing to patch or upgrade ever. Hey, buying domains is simple. You get the help you need with Squarespace's 24-7 award-winning customer support. Squarespace empowers millions of people from designers to lawyers, artists, gamers, even restaurants and gyms. To turn great ideas into something real, head to squarespace.com slash BS for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code BS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain that is squarespace.com slash BS offer code BS. Why don't I mention before we get to Catherine Han, I've been using Spotify to listen to podcasts lately. I like their app. I've noticed, I don't

know if it's my phone or if I just have the worst luck in the world but if I'm listening to a podcast with the Apple podcast app if somebody calls me it immediately resets the podcast to the beginning and it's super annoying and I've been using the Spotify app

and I actually like it and it's a little easier to maneuver and everything's in there they're not paying us to talk about this I just like the app. I want people to listen to the podcast and have a good experience with it. So I recommend the Spotify app. That's it. Let's talk to Catherine on. Well, this has never happened before in the history of the BS podcast. What? I did a siren call for you. And I heard it. We did the rewatch of both Stepbrothers.

And we were talking about your scene. Or one of the scenes. And I was just like, I love her. I gotta get her on a podcast. If she's listening for some reason, you have an invite whenever you want. And then what happened? My husband, who has been just an enormous fan of yours from like

Grantland days, even pre-Grantland days. Nice. Yeah. He's a heartbroken sonics fan for forever oh that's all the sonics fans like me i defended them that's why i know yeah free darko day like he's like a whole like he anyway he heard it he heard the siren call and was like i mean i think that the 25 years that we've been together has kind of led to this moment. This moment. Like, I really do feel like after this, he might have gotten all he has needed out of me. And you've had kids for him, right?

Yeah, too. So he even through pregnancies and childbirth, this is more impressive. To this moment. I think after this, it just might kind of like fade into, I think it might be it. Yeah, I think he might've wrung it dry. So he's listening and he freaked out and he's like, oh my God, you got to do this. Yeah. And I was like terribly excited too, because I feel like

my into you has not been, no offense, has been, has not been sports just because it's, that's not been my, like, but I have always appreciated how much you appreciate the weirdos. Like I love, I really have appreciated that. so I was really excited to talk to you. I'm a weirdo appreciator. Yeah, I know. And I appreciate that as a weirdo. Well, you've been weird in a lot of different movies, and at some point when you watch this from afar, you go,

that person's probably at least a little weird in real life. Maybe. Tiny bit? Who isn't? I guess so. Do you get typecast as being weird? What happens? No, I mean, I feel like I had always been denying it, and now I feel I'm I'm I feel like I'm I feel like I had always been

denying it and now I feel the older I get the more it's a kind of a badge of a little bit of a badge of honor

I love a weirdo what's the weirdest character you've played so far I have some ideas but I'd be interested to see what your take is

um I think maybe Chris and I love Dick, which we shot here, by the way. It was interesting. You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was awesome to drive on the lot

and be like, oh my gosh. But I think because she just was, there was so, she just was harnessing so much feeling at the same time, I think. So you like the situations where it's someone who's seemingly normal, but there's a lot more going on. That's like one of the dream characters. But I think, because I think it's also like, it's so human.

Yeah. I think as I, you know, I mean, who doesn't? I mean, I think we all kind of put on a layer of that I mean it just feels like middle school to me yeah why'd you start so late acting like in things I didn't

you didn't start late? no I mean I started in oh you were doing like plays and stuff but what made you actually want to be in front of the camera and stuff um I had I mean I started I mean I went to school like plays and stuff, but what made you actually want to be in front of the camera and stuff? I had, I mean, I, I started, I mean, I went to school. I started when I was a kid, kid in Cleveland. Give us your whole background.

Okay. Grew up in, I mean, grew up in Ohio. I'm sorry. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Cleveland. I was just there for the finals. Yeah. I was hearing about it. Yeah. It was fine. Yeah. Cleveland. I was just there for the finals. Yeah, I was hearing about it.

Yeah. It was fine. Yeah, yeah. Cleveland rocks, as they say. I was a curtain puller at the Cleveland Playhouse. Wow. Not an actual curtain puller, but that was like the name of the thing. I moved to, yeah, I was always acting.

Always, always. Would you go to college? Northwestern. I moved to yeah I was always acting always always would you go to college? Northwestern and you were doing theater in that theater there and then I did the Williamstown Theater Festival

I went to grad school for it at Yale which always sounds I always for some reason it's always hard to say it out loud but I was really proud of it I got myself in there

and nice you know paid my way. So what's your goal at this point? At that point, it was to do theater. And I think it was like my Midwest work ethic, like blue collar, like blue collar. Like there was nothing more holy to me than being on a dark stage with like a ghost light

with a bunch of scrappy barefooted, you know, other weirdos. Theater people. Theater people, like making something together like I that was the holiest place in the world for me. Was that feeling and always trying to capture that like I loved that feeling of being in an ensemble.

So you were like jealous of those Christopher Guest movies I bet. That would have been like you could have been in any of those. The Christopher Guest movies, but also like there were some Danish movies, like there's one called The Celebration, which I was like really, really down with. There was some French movies that I was like, ooh, yes. Yes. Like I loved a David Lynch film. Ugh. French movies that I was like, ooh, yes. Yes! Like I loved a David Lynch film.

Wild at Heart really got into my craw when I was in high school. When did you meet your husband? At Northwestern. We were like freshmen and there was a pretty intense like flirtation. And then we got serious, like serious, I guess, like beginning of sophomore year, basically. And then we've been basically, yeah. I mean, we definitely had a hiatus, if you know what I'm saying, but which was imperative in our twenties. And then, but you know, we basically talked the whole time through it. And yeah, that's basically it. basically talked the whole time through it.

Yeah, that's basically it. Yeah. See, I feel like if you end up with somebody you met freshman or sophomore year in college, there has to be the hiatus. Yeah. And if there wasn't the hiatus,

I actually am worried for you down the road. I mean, it was like, you know, like I said, we talked basically through it, but it was, yeah, it was imperative for us. And then we eloped

on our 10-year anniversary up to Big Sur. You eloped? Yeah. Which was awesome. His parents were divorced. My parents were divorced. We were like, let's not take that show on the road.

Oh, that's why we like each other. Yeah. I'm a child of divorce. You are. Yeah, we're bonded by pain. Yeah. Pain and disappointment. Pain and just constantly seeking.

Trauma being used against. Just wanting to be heard. Yeah. Looking, just looking for, just love and approval. Yeah. Yeah, just wanting to be held. Most creative people are from divorced families,

I feel like. But my parents didn't get divorced until they were 30. Really? Yeah. So how old were you? But they kept saying they were going to get divorced. So we were like sitting in that like waiting period.

It was a game of chicken? Yeah. It was just like, wait until you get, they basically were like waiting until we got out of the house. So it's just like, guys, just do it. Like waiting until my brothers got out. You know what I mean? My wife's in a phase now because I have a 13 year old daughter where they're just feuding

all the time. And she's not threatening to get divorced. She's just threatening to leave. She's like, I'll just leave. Kyle's hurt. Nephew Kyle's hurt. She's like, one day I'm just going to be gone. And you'll wonder what happened and I'll be gone. And nobody knows if she's serious or not. So she may be gone when I get home today. I don't know. Just idle, idle fun threats for the whole family. They might not be idle at this point. Okay, okay. 13. 13's rough.

Wait, have you seen 8th Grade? Not only did I see 8th Grade, but my daughter and I interviewed the director of 8th Grade. Together? Yeah. Oh, I gotta listen to that. That was cool. I have not seen that yet.

My daughter on my podcast is so much more likable than she is in real life. Are you serious? But you know what? It is a heart. I have an 11-year-old son, and it is, I mean, my heart is like, I don't know how to handle it.

The online stuff. Well, no, he's not checked into any of that. Like, he's checked into Fortnite. Yeah, that's my son's 10. Same thing. Yeah, really deep into it. Fortnite's driving a lot of it. Yeah, he keeps asking.

He keeps saying, like, a new skin's coming out. And I'm like, God, this sounds real Nazi Germany to me. You know what I mean? Like they keep asking for new skins. And I'm like, what are you talking about? But they're really into it.

It's all cosmetic. Yeah. Well, they play with their friends. I'm actually, so I've come, come around on it. Cause initially I'm like,

oh man, my son's this video game. And they say, but on the other hand, like he's interacting with his friends like at night. Like when I was a kid, when you were a kid and we saw our friends, we had to go out of our way to see our friends. Yes. But now they're in his life kind of every day. And I'm kind of jealous of it.

And especially here where you can't just like go outside and see your friends and like run around. You could get kidnapped. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. There's like- The neighborhoods we came from, you could just kind of be out in your neighborhood all day. I never saw my parents. I'm kidding about the kidnapping thing, but like in LA, you don't like, your kids don't go, hey, I'm going to leave for four hours and I'll be back later.

We were just talking about that. We were like, my mom was a stay at home mom and she knew so much less about my life than I know about my kids, and I'm a working parent. I think that was our generation, though. Yeah. We just kind of would be able to leave from 2.30 to 6.30. Yeah. Just kind of go.

I never saw, yeah. But, like, I know, and I miss. Like, I would just go explore like abandoned houses like it was the best like it was so crazy yeah but Fortnite is that's Fortnite now by the way

yeah yeah that's what that's what Fortnite is you lived abandoned houses I played it with him and he he videotaped me playing it because he was so

delighted by how bad I was at it like I couldn't look up like I could not figure it out at all. And because I wanted to like get in there with him. We're not meant to, I've tried. I spent my whole summer trying to be good at it

so I could play with him. And I just think the Twitch factor of like younger people versus older people. Yeah. We're just too old. I'm not opposed to it on an Xbox screen. It's the iPad dive bomb crap that gets me sad. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like when he's like this, I'm like, okay with it. But when they see little kids like this, that gets me sad. Especially when they're at dinner or something like that. I know. I know. It's hard. I do a lot of judging of other families

I know I truly really really and I'm not saying I have the greatest family but I do a lot of judging totally but it's very hard 13 year old girl

though that's gonna I have a 9 year old daughter so you got like so I have two kids my favorite age for my daughter was 6 and 10 oh

10 was great okay love 10 okay we're having a good time with like yeah nine ten is awesome it's awesome the boys are once they once you realize that there's not something wrong with them and that all boys are just late bloomers it's actually great when they hit like eight nine ten they're both tremendous it's just like you just realize it's this like breaking through into this next phase it's like the emotional life stuff that's

happening like the my heart's just like it's just breaking for this next chapter because you just know his is going to get broken he's just he's just starting to like be vulnerable to things that i can't that it's like it's time it's like that's what it is like he's just gonna be he's gonna get his heart broken so you're like

okay okay in all ways not just i'm not just saying like romantically it's just like okay this is what's about to happen and i just just have to like surrender, you know. Do people in his school know like you're his mom and you're the lady from this movie or that movie? Like, is that even a thing? I mean, he cannot really, he hasn't been able to see anything I've done. That's probably for the best.

No, I mean, they did. Yeah, they haven't been able to see like anything. Hotel Transylvania. Oh yeah, Hotel Transylvania. It's a big movie in the Simmons family. So they I mean, they did. Yeah, they have a middle of the sea like in anything. Hotel Transylvania. Oh yeah, Hotel Transylvania. It's a big movie in the Simmons family. But they've already aged out. So they saw it

and they were like, my daughter thought it was cute, but my son was like, had kind of aged out of it. Like he dutifully saw it, but. Well, Step Brothers hit a point that my son's 10, but he just, he had to see it.

Like his friends. Did he see it? Once it gets, oh my God. Okay, I should not admit this to you, but I'm going to. Yeah. Bill Simmons. What?

He shouldn't see it? I saw it with my children, but I fast, they don't really know that I was in the movie because as I started watching it, I realized that I could not show them one part of me in that movie. And so they really, they know that I'm at a dinner scene

just quietly eating, but they don't really know anything else. And then I forgot about the nutsack on the... On the drum set. And my daughter started going, what is that? What is that? And I was like,

I feel like I traumatized her. And I was like, that feel like I traumatized her. And I was like, that's a scrotum. And she's like, how did it come out first? And I was like, oh no, I shouldn't be admitting this to you people. Why did I do this? Yeah, anyway, so parenting. Listen, kids are going to see whatever they want to see these days. It's pretty easy.

It's true. It's true. When I showed them Step Brothers, I fast forwarded over the first scene when you like mauled. Yes. But I forgot about the second scene. Which is the second scene? When you pulled them away, I forgot that

you actually start having sex with them in the next room. Right. And then you fall through the kitchen. And I'd forgotten about that part. Yes. That's in the extended cut, I kitchen. Yes. And I'd forgotten about that part. Yes. So my son was giggling. That's in the extended cut, I think. Yes. That's what we watched, unfortunately.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we saw the extended cut, which was a mistake. Yeah. The move, which I had done most of the time, was to tape the Comedy Central or TBS version. Yes. Of the comedies, because they cut out all the stuff. It's great. You can watch Wedding Crashers on TBS.

Yeah, yeah. And it's like the sanitized version. Yeah. It's not quite as funny, but- Yes. It's for them, they can watch Wedding Crashers on TBS. Yeah, yeah. And it's like the sanitized version. It's not quite as funny, but. Yes. It's for them, they can watch it. They can watch it. I want my kids to have a sense of humor though. I've made this case before. Like, I don't want to shelter them. I want them to see stuff that's funny. I didn't let

them watch Sausage Party. Like. Right. You gotta draw the line somewhere. I know, but like for real, for real quality. I know. That's true. Like, line somewhere. I know, but like for real quality. I know. That's true. I mean, we showed them, I remember showing them Jaws and I was like, okay, well,

this is like a legit, well-made, beautiful movie, which hinges mostly on suspense. There's actually like not that much gore. Right. Then Quint dies and he's getting chewed in half. Beautiful movie, which hinges mostly on suspense. There's actually like not that much gore. Right. Then Quint dies and he's getting chewed in half. And then, oops. That's a problem.

That's a problem. E.T., I keep getting them to try to like, and I feel like I can't see that movie without bursting into hysterical tears. E.T.'s a good one. We sprung that one on our kids early. Ghostbusters is another good one. Those are. Fantastic. The under 10 generation. At least Vacation

we just watched again recently. They had never seen Vacation, the original. Have you seen that with your kids? Oh, yeah. It's a strange film. I gotta say, I was because that was like one of the OGs for me from the 80s. Yeah. Wait, what does OG stand for?

Just like one of the great comedies of that. What does it stand for? What does OG stand for just like one of the one of the great comedies of that what does it stand for like what does OG stand for Tommy oh okay it had aged I was like old gold it had aged terribly

and awesomely right but some of the parts age really badly and then other stuff was like still really funny I mean there were some parts like details

like that I like there's a couple parts like Chevy was, like there's when they're talking about going on the vacation and Beverly D'Angelo was like scraping off the dish, like washing the dishes, you know, scraping off the dishes to hand to him to put in the dishwasher.

But he thought that it was just put away. So she was just giving him dishes and he was like putting them casually, which I thought was like a beautiful detail. But then something that struck me as being kind of strange was like the, I remember it being a boob movie. Like I remember there being boobs in it, but I was like, it's so interesting that you just,

that we just see mom's boobs. Like it's just Beverly D'Angelo's boobs. She broke them out. Twice. Yeah. That was the era though. So I'm like, are we, so who are we?

Like, who are we as the audience? Are we dads? Like, who is it for? Like, are we the sons? Yeah, I don't think they know. You know what I mean? It's interesting. I think from-

We never get to see Christie's because she's America's sweetheart. That would have been too expensive. And too expensive's sweetheart. That would have been too expensive. And too expensive. Yeah. She would have been $20 million. But isn't that interesting? Well, so I think that was the era from late 70s through like 85.

It was like Porky's and like nudity plus comedy was a thing. And then it kind of went too far. It's just very strange who is watching that. Like who is it for? I don't know. Who are those boobs for? They made a lot of money too. in the kitchen. It's just very strange who is watching that. Who is it for? I don't know. Who are those boobs for? They made a lot of money, too. Yeah.

They made boobs for everybody. I mean, she's amazing in that movie. Yeah, she's really good. She's a comic. I thought her performance was fantastic. I agree. She's so good. Like, her every take, I thought she was just solid.

I just thought that was very interesting. I thought I could get away with watching that movie with my kids. But then there's the scene when the cousin asks, hey, have you ever bopped your baloney? And both of my kids are like, what's that mean? How do you bop your baloney? I'm like, uh. Yeah, but it's kind of great because those can kind of go over the. Yeah, you hope.

Yeah. That was so weird. They both asked. I was like, ah, it's a drug thing. And the young, that was so interesting to be like, oh, it's a drug thing and the young um that was so interesting to be like oh it's the young uh anthony michael hall well yeah and he's awesome in that he's good rusty he's fantastic that scene where they have with the beer when he's talking about life oh yeah he's so good in that um good talk for us but uh the from um uh 30 rock um uh jane oh jane krasinski But from 30 Rock, Jane.

Oh, Jane Krasinski. Amazing. Yeah. My daddy says, I'm totally botching that line, but says I'm the best French kisser. Yeah. She's amazing. I forgot that she was in that movie. They remade that movie, which made me sad.

I only feel like they should remake movies. Oh, they did. I didn't see it. Right. They did. They should only remake movies if the other movie is not watchable. I talked about this with Keegan-Michael Key because he was on and we did- But why would they do that though?

Well, Predator had really bad special effects. So you could say like 30 years later, we could do a better version of this. Like we have better technology now this could be a much cooler better movie I love Keegan and they kind of reinvented it

that's I think where we've gotten into trouble is just like this worked 30 years ago we'll make it again and that doesn't seem like that

ever really works you would sequels you did the Bad Mom sequel and there's gonna be probably a third one right

didn't both of them make money I don there's going to be probably a third one, right? Didn't both of them make money? I don't know if there'll be a third. Who knows? How much badder can those moms get? We saw Predator recently too. The original Predator. I'd never seen it before.

Bad special effects. It's just from the 80s. They didn't have, we didn't have the technology back then boy just dudes blowing shit up yeah a lot of testosterone so much shit just blown up

just like bleh bleh a lot of muscles and tank tops so so much shit being blown up

and just so many red um just red filters just like ahhh that was like a muscle porn era yes yes Rambo Rambo 2 filters just like that was like a muscle porn era yes yes Rambo Rambo 2 is just like Rambo 2 was just him in a tank top

just shooting people that were shooting at him from 5 feet away him just turning and like his side of his face crinkling and getting weird muscle porn and then just like one liners Cobra was another one like that side of his face crinkling and getting weird. Muscle porn. And then just like one-liners. Cobra.

It was another one like that. Cobra. A lot of one-liners. Just like, cause that's like all you need is like a good laugh and then back to it. Well, you know. Not even a good laugh, just kind of like a, and then just like back to it. Cause nobody's funnier than, than selling muscle guys that always have the best sense of humor.

So interesting. And then just so much oil. A lot of oil, best sense of humor. So interesting. And then just so much oil. A lot of oil, a lot of baby oil. Yeah. The rock has taken the baby oil corner now. Yeah. It's covered and glistening and fast seven. Yeah.

Fast seven, fast eight. He's so symmetrical and so charming. You haven't worked with him, have you? No. But I've heard he's the nicest person on the planet. Well, it sounds like just like stepbrothers, we did the oral history of that. And it just sounded like an awesome experience. Everybody's even 10 years later, like that was so much fun.

I love that written oral history. Yeah, it was good. I didn't hear the podcast that my husband was talking about. The rewatchables. Yeah, the rewatchables. But I did read the thing. And I had a really sweet text exchange with Adam after it was like, that was a really, that was sweet to read that because that was a really sweet time in our life.

He said it was the single best acting performance he's ever seen. Your first, when you unleashed yourself on John C. Reilly. Oh, and McKay and I did have a sweet text exchange. Oh, that was crazy to read that. I was like, I will hold that to my heart. Just that little sentence he said. That was really dear McKay. Yeah. You brought it. Was that your first

big movie or was there one before that? I mean What was your first break? Uh, fast break. Um, point break. My first break was, I mean, I don't know. It's all been a little series

of random. Go through your IMDb. I mean, I did a movie called How's all been a little series of random. All right, fine. Go through your IMDb. I mean, I did a movie called How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and that was like my first movie. I like how you act like I don't know what that movie is. I don't know. I mean, I feel like maybe that's not, you're not the demographic.

I'm married to somebody who has seen every single rom-com that's ever been made probably three times each. Yeah. Okay. I'm aware. Okay. Have you seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? seen every single rom-com that's ever been made probably three times. I'm aware. Have you seen How to Lose a Guy on 10 Days? That's the one with Heath Ledger, right? Nope. Freddie Prinze Jr.? No, it's Matthew

McConaughey and Kate Hudson. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I got it. That was my first. I was doing a show called Crossing Jordan at the time. Were you like the wacky friend? I was one of two wacky friends. Each of the leads had two wacky friends. We each had, each of the leads had two wacky friends.

So I, it was myself and Annie Parisi were the two wacky best friends. Annie Parisi. I always say Parisi. God, I love her so much. Were the two wacky friends of Kate Hudson and Tom Lennon and Adam Goldberg were the two wacky friends of McConaughey.

So like big brunch scene where somebody said it's something inappropriate to Kate Hudson? Yeah, exactly. We were both like, you know, we would be on either side of her holding coffee cups filled with like nothing walking into work. Do you know what I mean? Like giving her advice.

Yeah. Yeah. I vaguely remember that one. Yeah. Charming. Did really great. They mean? Like giving her advice. Yeah. Yeah. I vaguely remember that one. Yeah. Charming. Did really great. They had great chemistry. They were just adorable. So that was your big break. I, I, I, it was my first movie. So then what happened?

Um, and then I was still on the show called Crossing Jordan, in which I played the grief counselor in a morgue. The what? Exactly. I don't know if it's an actual position. And then that was on NBC. And then I did- Was that the one with-

Jill Hennessy and Miguel Ferrer. From Law and Order. I like Jill Hennessy. Miguel Ferrer, who's no longer with us and was one of the greatest humans. And Ken Howard, who's no longer with us and also an amazing human. Ken Howard's in my office

in like four different spots. My favorite show ever was The White Shadow. The White Shadow. I accosted him at the 2012 Producer Guild Awards for 20 minutes. Oh, I should say that. He was great. So he's a nice guy? Yeah. I loved him dearly.

And his wife, Linda. They all took very good care of us when we first moved to LA. That was like our home, Ethan and I, was that show and that cast. Anchorman, 2004. Yeah. And then I got a little teeny tiny tiny part in Anchorman, which I said like four lines. But that was my first exposure to that world and you know

I wasn't an improviser I was never did sketch so I was like in awe of these artists like I didn't have any idea that one could do that I thought like you know I'd come from theater where you have like total autonomy

over your path on stage like once the lights go up it's yours yeah the night is yours. And that path is yours. So then I came into this world and it was like, oh, you stand in your mark,

you kind of dutifully fulfill your, so I felt a real disconnect between what I wanted to do and what was being asked of me. And then I saw this world in which you could kind of, there was an opportunity to combine. And then that kind of led to, you know, there was then

that step brother, Summer, which was like the best because they also did this movie called Revolutionary Road that summer, which was the Sam Mendes movie

with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio. That's a rough marriage movie. It's a rough marriage movie. You really have to, your marriage has to be in a really solid place to sit through that one

for two hours. To see through that movie. That is one of those, if it's in a bad place, you just kind of turn at each other. It's a that movie. That is one of those, if it's in a bad place, you just kind of turn at each other. It's a dark movie. It's dark.

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Wait, you skipped some movies. Tell me what I did. It's a memory play in there, guys. I don't know what's happening. You skipped the most underrated rom-com of the 2000s. A personal favorite of my wife. We may or may not own it on DVD. You still have DVDs?

We don't use them anymore, but it's somewhere buried in something. I still have DVDs. I don't know why I'm sitting like that. A Lot Like Love. Oh, right. It's real cute. That's a good movie. It's real cute. It didn't make it for some reason like the way it should have. It should be remembered as one of the icons. It's sweet. It's real cute. That's a good movie. It's real cute. It didn't make it for some reason like the way it should have. It should be remembered as one of the icons. It's sweet.

It's long. It's very, very sweet. And they have very charming chemistry. Ashton Kutcher, Amanda Peet, and really good music. And really good music. The music is like outrageous in it. Yeah, it's really, really good music. That's a good one.

It is really, really good. I highly recommend A Lot Like Love. And I'm not a huge rom-com guy. No, it's really, I think so too. That was a good one. I don't know why that one didn't do better. It had two people at a good point in their career. Yeah, really interesting. I love Amanda Peet.

Yeah, maybe it was like a weird pocket of time or something. But I know, Amanda Peet's just phenomenal. Amazing performer. Get in there, Bill Simmons. What if you're playing Fortnite? How do you know I'm not I don't I'm just trusting you

so then after Step Brothers then it takes off so what was the first time you led a movie it took off what do you mean it took off you're here now

you've made it I am no exactly I am here now you got called out to be in the BS pod I mean that is this is it

seriously that was it's like winning an Emmy I am it's not done now. No, I'm telling you, my marriage might have dissolved after this because there's nowhere for me to go. That's fine. You had a good run. We had a great run.

You should watch Revolutionary Road and then just break up right after. Beautiful music in that too, by the way. I don't know. What was your question? I guess, what was the first time you got put in a position to lead something? Afternoon Delight, which is a movie I did with Jill Soloway, which is like a, I don't know if you've seen it, but I'm really proud of that movie. It's a tiny, teeny independent that we shot in Silver Lake and did it in like 21 days.

Can you remind me what the plot is? Because I probably did see it. I'm just old. I don't know if you did see it, but it would be awesome if you remind me what the plot is? Because I probably did see it. I'm just old. I don't know if you did see it, but it would be awesome if you did. Was it too like under the radar? Yeah, but it would be awesome if you did. But it is about,

it's like a woman that lives in Silver Lake with her husband and her kid and she's kind of dissatisfied and she and her couple of friends, couples decide to go to a strip club on a night, you know, like couples night. They think it'd be hipster. And she kind of becomes captured by this stripper played by Juno Temple. I definitely have not seen this.

This sounds really good, though. It's interesting. She kind of becomes obsessed with this stripper. And she's kind of, it's interesting. Yeah. And that was just like, we did that in 21 days. It's funny and it's dark and it's interesting and it won jill the best director at sundance and jesus i don't know how i didn't see this tommy it's so it was like it's it's indie indie and um

but anyway that kind of led to transparent for her and i played the rabbi in transparent and um i was gonna ask did you see the C you must've seen the seeds for this bigger career she's going to have. It's yes. Well, certainly it was a lot of the same, um, uh, creatives involved in transparent, like a lot of the same crew. Um, yeah, we're born from that movie and from that, from that way of working certainly certainly. And then that led to a lot of that same world and way of working. And a lot of those people led to this show I did called I Love Dick with Kevin and Griffin.

Griffin Dunn, I don't know if you've ever met. Never met him. Delightful. Spent my life or my whole life. I mean, he is a gem. You would just have the greatest time with him. He's a phenomenal human being and such an interesting person. Well, his dad was one of my favorite writers.

Yeah. And his aunt is Joan Didion. Yeah. And he's a really interesting human being. His dad was when the OJ thing was going down. Oh, yes. He was like the guy to read every month. Vanity Fair would come out.

He was amazing. Amazing. Yeah. He was one the guy to read every month. Yes, every month. Vanity Fair would come out. He was amazing. Amazing. Yeah, what a- He wrote about, he was one of the best true crime writers- Ever. That we had.

Yes. He was like in, it was this whole world I was so fascinated by. Like him at these weird LA rich cocktail parties talking about OJ. I'm like,

oh, then what happened? You know, he's just really good at capturing. And then that tied into his legacy. And the daughter die and the whole thing. Yeah. It's like a rich, Kennedy-like, I mean, their whole, it's an interesting person. Could be a documentary.

For sure. His documentary is really beautiful. The Center Will Not Hold. He directed a documentary on his aunt, Joan. I didn't see it. That's beautiful. Yeah. So then the,

and Bad Moms was, was that the biggest hit you've had? That was certainly like, yeah, that was certainly I think the biggest like, I don't know.

I actually don't know if that, but I felt it the biggest I think personally in those ways, I think. That was one of those I saw the, I saw like the was one of those, I saw the, I saw like the trailer, the commercial,

and I was like, oh, that's going to make money. It was just a good, it was such a good idea. It was such a great, the script was so rock solid. Like the chemistry between the ladies was just like so effortless. It was just like, oh, okay. It's like one of those things like, it was just so so it just happened so

to me because I never had expected that to land like as hard as quite as hard I knew it was going to do well but it was like oh

it was like still a real a real thrill I love that part I like bad words too I actually thought that one was going to hit yeah and I was really excited

for Jason it didn't totally hit yeah yeah yeah it was good though yeah I was really excited for Jason he It didn't totally hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good though. Yeah, I was really excited for Jason. He's a solid director. He was on the pod

I think like three or four weeks ago. Yeah. And it was weird because we'd run into each other a bunch of times but we'd never actually done a podcast.

Yeah. And I used to love him in the 80s. Yeah. Because he was in this show called It's Your Move. That was like the weirdest show that's ever been on television. I have never even heard of this.

It was this kid, this child of a divorce, whose mom, the next door neighbor likes his mom. And he just is basically sabotaging it every episode. Sabotaging them getting together. I swear that was the premise. Oh my God. You were like. I was like, this show's for me.

This is great. Yeah. I was like, this is what my life is like. There's a lot of children in the, in the eighties that had that same. Yeah. Some good diverse children and stuff. So what do you have? What's coming up? I have a movie for Netflix. It's coming up called private life that I'm real. Netflix. Super proud of. Yeah. Life that I'm real- Netflix. Super proud of, yeah. Tamara Jenkins directed it. It's Paul Giamatti and myself.

Paul Giamatti? Yeah. This is the greatest. Does he yell at you during the movie? No, he's so tender. It's so opposite of what he's playing in. Really? You don't get berated by him? No, I berate him.

It's real tender. We play a couple that's like been going you know going through trying to find a baby I mean trying to going through infertility

so we're trying to make a family and it's been a long long haul and it's real personal and I couldn't be prouder it's beautiful

Molly Shannon's in it and John Carroll Lynch and this young woman named Kaylee Carter who's incredible and it's yeah couldn't be prouder. Tamara Jenkins is a goddess.

And so that's kind of, that's pretty thrilling. How were you doing the whole movie career thing when you also had young kids? Because I know it was like, for my wife, it was tough for her to like remember to buy toothpaste for like a year because her brain was like broken from all the chaos in the house. We, it is, it is, it's impossible. I don't know, a disaster. It's not happening.

I don't know. It's one foot in front of the other. I mean, I- That would have been my guess. Yeah, it's impossible. You just kind of survived day by day. Yeah, you crawl- Make sure you show up on the set on time.

Crawl into bed and you pray for some uninterrupted hours of sleep Yeah, it's impossible. You just kind of survive day by day. Yeah. Make sure you show up on the set on time. Crawl into bed and you pray for some uninterrupted hours of sleep without waking up panicking about what you'd forgot to do or need to do the next day. Or being thrown up on. Yeah, exactly. Well, they're past that a little bit. Well, now they're past, but I'm saying like eight, nine years ago. Oh, I know. And then we decided to bring a fucking dog, like a puppy into the mix, like an idiot.

Like finally, we're like, why would we do that? I love them. I love I know. And then we decided to bring a fucking dog, like a puppy, into the mix, like an idiot. Like, finally. We're like, why would we do that? I love them. I love him, though. Banjo. It gets better when they get older. It's all good. I just keep trying to, it's all good.

It's like I just keep trying to remember how fast it's going and that we're going to just, it's just, the house is going to be so quiet so soon. And just to try to remember to enjoy the chaos. Because I love that. I love that noise in a house. I don't mind it. Dog feet clicking all over the place. I like it too.

And books all over and just like, I don't mind it. I've been thinking about it a lot this year because my daughter is in the eighth grade. And she's been at the same school since kindergarten. And it's a school that goes kindergarten, eighth grade. So when she got there, the eighth graders, they would take, you know, they would match up a kindergarten kid with an eighth grader. And that would be like your buddy. And I was like, man, someday it's always going to be the one matched up with the kindergarten.

That's going to be so weird. And now she's in the eighth grade and it's happening. And she's like the oldest kid in this school where she was like the baby. And it's now I'm just like, I'm just old. Shoot myself. Yeah. Yeah. No, same with us.

He's in sixth grade and it's like they're planning. They're like, it's like a secular bar and mat mitzvah in their school. Like they're like graduation ceremony. And basically like they have this big ceremony where they have to give speeches and all this, like, and I'm like, I,

they do a slideshow of like how much they've, and I remember sitting there watching. You act like I didn't go to 10 bar mitzvahs last year. The slideshow got me every time. Every time. The slideshows are amazing. They're like directed by Martin Scorsese. Oh,

totally. Especially in LA. Everybody's so good out here. Totally. And I'm a disaster every single time. I feel like I'm on the verge of hysterical tears. Like I look at him and I'm like, I see him underneath this.

We wear the same size shoes now. Yeah. But I see this little boy still. It's the nape of the neck that kills me. That's the most vulnerable still. Like you see that little boy still, it's the nape of the neck that kills me. That's the most vulnerable still. Like you see that little area. And I'm like, I just want to die.

Cause he's still so young, but he's like trying to like, trying to be cool. Anyway, it's all so stupid fast. My, my daughter and wife hit a point this year, this summer where they're exactly the same height and they can wear each other's clothes now and stuff.

So that's been okay. Yeah, it's okay. That's been good for bonding. Nothing else has been good for bonding at all. Not one thing. Yeah, how are they? Are they like- It's rough.

It's rough. That's a rite of passage though, right? That's okay. But this is what happens. That's totally what happens. That's okay. 13-year-old daughters are meant to aggravate their moms and vice versa.

They have to. It's just a rule. You have to. Well, they have to learn how to, you know. My mom used to call it the bitch calling phase. Like, I'd be like, bitch. Door slam. Like, it was like, you just have to slam doors for a while.

Yeah. That's all right. It's fine. I'm just going to live with Kyle. Yeah. Yeah. Me and Ben will move in with Kyle. Should I ask you these questions for my husband? Yeah, let's do it. Ask the questions. I'm just going to live with Kyle. Yeah. Yeah. Me and Ben will move in with Kyle. Should I ask you these questions for my husband?

Yeah, let's do it. Ask the questions. I'm nervous. Nobody's ever turned their tables on me like this. This is pig Latin to me. Then you can do with these what you will, you guys. Okay. He's very passionate.

She's getting a dramatic sip of water first. Okay. This is because I love it. Okay. The hardened trade. Yeah. That's the question? No, I don't know anything about this.

The Harden trade was terrible when it happened. I wrote two different columns about it, and I was right. I would like to assert that this was a great trade for the Thunder. That's your husband said that? First, Harden had to go. I believe this because, A, the night they lost to the Heat in the finals, I remember seeing a video posted of him wearing a phenomenal all-white outfit in a nightclub

showering people with money. While this is not in itself notable, I think it might have slightly indicated a cultural conflict with what the Thunder organization was attempting to build and maintain. Is your husband Sam Presti? You don't get that joke. He just isn't the boy scouty

person they were looking for. This is a conjecture. And B, Harden's first comments after being traded to the Rockets were something like, this is what I've always wanted, my own team. Indicating that this one-way Super Bowl-dominated player on a team with two absurdly high usage players was never going to embrace a Manuian role. Ever. He had to go.

Secondly, I'd argue that the return they got in return was actually sufficient. The pick that became Adams, the rights to Jeremy Lamb, and more minutes for a very young and extremely talented Reggie Jackson, I'm leaving the short-term rental of Kevin Martin out of it.

If Lamb had panned out, which he kind of has now, just a few years too late, and if Jackson embraced his Man-to-win opportunity, I believe that this trade was actually brilliant. For Harden, a redundancy to Westbrook and Durant with zero interest in defense, they got two rotation guys and Adams

and the Jeremy Lamb that should have been, and more time for the Reggie Jackson that should have been. It is terrible luck that Lamb and Jackson broke shitty, but that does not make it a bad trade. Are you prepared to agree with me on this matter? I'll take your answer off the air. That was amazing. I think this could be a new segment for The Ringer.

Okay. Where you dramatically read your husband's hot basketball takes. I got a couple more. All right. I hate to break it to you. I know you've decided to spend the rest of your life with this person

but he's dead wrong okay great yeah he's dead wrong it was a really bad trade it was poorly conceived yes and he's in a lot of denial I love this

I'm all turned on now wait a second though okay your husband stayed with them when they moved from Seattle to OKC I mean it clearly looks like that I don't know anything that's happening you guys I'm like a second though. Okay. Your husband stayed with them when they moved from Seattle to OKC? I mean, it clearly looks like that. I don't know anything that's

happening, you guys. I'm like, this makes me feel so sweaty. Does he watch basketball? It's sweaty because the air conditioning all of a sudden got like 20 degrees higher. No, I'm full of anxiety because I'm reading something that I don't understand. It's just words. When he's watching basketball or OKC playing Oklahoma City,

is he cheering for them? I don't know. Okay. Does he watch sports? All the time. He's obsessed. But you don't know what he's watching? No.

Okay. Number two, the five LeBrons. The five LeBrons. Evaluating all the time. Okay. These aren't questions. It sounds like these are auditions for his basketball problem.

I don't think these are questions. These are like his takes. This is great. We should have just called them. Okay, I'm missing the top of this. Wait, hold on. The five LeBrons. Evaluating all time...

I think it's safe to say that James wins the five LeBrons versus five anybody else tournament. But I further think that five LeBrons would have a shot against any lineup ever of any five players, any lineup ever, even your alien defense lineup. I think Kareem, Tim, Larry, Michael, and Magic would have a very, very tough time with five LeBrons as James would have very big advantages in every match lineup that I think ultimately outweighs his disadvantages in those matchups.

It is this thought that makes me, even as a crotchety old man, lean in that James' direction in the boring, and I'm sorry to bring this up, GOAT conversation. Yeah. No other player could meet this standard. Not Scottie, not Hakeem, not Michael.

Maybe Wilt, but this range, though. Agree or disagree? So this is off. I had an argument about if you had five of the same person yeah playing it's five of other same people yeah who would win and the argument was like five lebrons would beat five michael jordans five shacks yes um i i think five lebrons win so i think we actually agree on this one okay that's that's great. He's just wrong on the hardened trade. Hardened trade wrong. Okay, now this is the last one.

Free Darko. Yeah. As a Sonics fan, Free Darko saved my basketball life. I see its influence everywhere. I'm just from a geek out perspective, wonder how you view the site looking back. And if you know those fellows, and if you've ever flirted with bringing any of those writers onto the ringer.

Did not read the site. And I think one of the people we have that works for us actually wrote for them. Chris Ryan. Chris Ryan. Yeah. Okay. Listen, I don't, literally this was reading pig Latin. I feel like I was led up to the mountain for you.

And now I feel like i can just be let go in into the universe it's amazing anyway you're welcome this podcast was so much more exciting and and and it just went in directions i wasn't expecting well i'm really i've never had somebody i want to now have you come in and read basketball takes let's do it as part of the ringer but like just having someone knowing dramatic reading it's like me reading a freaking car manual well the best part I don't know what I'm

talking about the best part was when you said Manuian which was after Manu Ginobili which is by the way a new you've created a new word that I think actually works Manuian is a word I just never heard it before you gave it this little word that I think actually works. Manoowian is a word. I just never heard it before.

You gave it this little edge that I thought was fantastic. Very good, you guys. Well, you're welcome. Well, this was great. Oh, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I got hot in here, but I don't know. No, it's such a pleasure meeting all of you guys. This was really fun.

Thank you for coming on. So thank you for, really, it was my pleasure. And my husband is going to be goddamn thrilled. He really fun. Ah, well, you're a beautiful brain. So thank you for, really, it was my pleasure. And my husband is going to be goddamn thrilled. He really is. All right, thanks to Catherine Hahn. Thanks to Shea Serrano. Thanks to Catherine Hahn's husband. Thanks to my football picks that are going to sweep this week.

Thanks to ZipCruiter. Don't forget to go to zipcruiter.com slash BS. Thanks to Red Dead Redemption 2, Kyle's favorite game from the creators of the Grand Theft Auto series. It's their latest blockbuster from Rockstar Games. Red Dead Redemption 2, the game of the generation, is what Hollywood Reporter said. It's now the highest rated game on PlayStation 4 and Xbox One. Experience life as an outlaw in a notorious gang in Red Dead Redemption 2.

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it's time to consider Allbirds as a gift for someone on your list or for yourself. The all-new Wool Runners are available in a variety of limited edition colors at allbirds.com. Please check out theringer.com this week. So many good pieces up there. Some great videos, good podcasts all the way around. Enjoy the weekend.

Go Pats. I don't have a few years with him on the wayside on the first side of the river I don't have a few years with him