The Bill Simmons Podcast - NFC East Fever, Peak Dumbass Coaches, Bills-Chiefs, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal and Joe House

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal and Joe House to discuss the Cowboys’ win over the Rams, Eagles-Cardinals, the Giants’ win over the Packers in London, Dolphins-Jets, Browns-Chargers, Ravens-Bengals, questionable coaching, a hot start for NFC East teams through five weeks, and more (1:43). Then, they guess the lines for Week 6 in the NFL (37:20), before closing the show with Parent Corner (1:12:03). Host: Bill Simmons Guests: Cousin Sal and Joe House Producer: Kyle Crichton Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hope you checked out me on Plain English and on Slow News Day and on the Prestige TV podcast the last few days, not to mention this podcast. And this one we have coming up, it's a very special time. Joe House is here because me and him and Rosillo are going to tape our big over-unders pod on Tuesday. So house comes, we watch football. My mom cooks for us. House gets groggy. And then we decide to do the pod with Sal. And guess what? As always, I lost some bets. So it's like a holiday. Every October, you know it's coming. NBA, groggy house, me complaining about bets that I should have won. Sal coming up, the little bonus that the Mets lost and he's going to be even pissier than usual. Although the Cowboys did win. Although the Patriots did win. Maybe we'll be in a good mood.

We'll see. It's all coming up next. First, our friends from Pearl Jam. All right, Cousin Sal is here. Special guest Joe House is here. We do this once a year. There's always some chicanery with the NFL, but this time around, a little different because the Cubs had a make or break Mets game on top of a Cowboys game

that went great, and it seemed like it was going to be the day of Sal, and just you celebrating. No. Happy Sal. No, we can't have happy Sal ever. We can't have nice things. I'm glad. Yeah, I'm glad House is here. He's going to have to pick up the slack for me. Once the Cowboys won, I knew I was going to be happy.

Happy Sal. It was just going to be one. And if... You know how it is with the baseball teams. It's so mixed. Because I want them to continue. Right, House? But I don't want to devote four hours of misery a night for the next two weeks so

house way in here it's too much anguish the baseball playoffs just get it out of the way now you're rolling with the cowboys it's better that way and everybody in your life will appreciate you that much more not you know sacrificing every evening you know the last time i came out for this uh occasion there was it was a year ago, the Red Sox were in the playoffs. I had to go meet Bill Simmons somewhere. You know, we weren't near home base. We had to go abroad. He couldn't order me food. We had to have salads because he was tracking the Red Sox the whole time. We barely got any basketball or football podcasting in. I had no idea he was still bitter about this.

Nobody has ever been bitter about being fed for three straight days until Joe House just now. It was salad. And Sal, we didn't leave anything to chance this year. Well, here's the thing, Sal, because I was on a Red Sox thread and my Red Sox season ended the first week of August. And then none of us really watched the Red Sox after that. And you had to live and die for another two months and have this tumultuous weekend. And then it's over abruptly and you're just bummed out. And we were like, we might have

gotten off better than the Mets fans did. We were done seven weeks ago. We're moving on to losing football bets. Oh, listen. Believe me, there's part of me that's delighted that I don't have to pay $2,500 for Dodger Stadium tickets for the family Wednesday, which I can now blow on the Thursday night game.

But you saw how it is. It was you and me. We texted with Fantasy and our buddy Gus, and it just did feel different for the Mets. This was our year. This team felt there. I know everyone says it, but they were fun. They had a crazy pitcher with different colored eyes. We had a grumpy manager

who actually had his shit together. We had a super intimidating closer who had a song. We had a song that everyone stole. We had a fat guy. And best of all, we had an excuse. When DeGrom comes back, we're going to go all Amazon on everyone and take over the world. And we had it all. And now it's like, you know, I can't even name the seven free agents. I know our owner likes to sign. You know, he's not cheap, but, you know, the Grom is going to be 35 next year. Scherzer 38. You know, when you feel like this was the year, like this, this was the year.

It's funny that when the Mets had the bullpen song when that became a thing with Diaz you start to think like oh this might be their year just from dumb stuff like those little things always add up to like something I remember that one year with the Red Sox in 2013 when they had the beards and all of a sudden there were beards, t-shirts

and it's like oh this is something something's happening but then Sal the good news I remember that guy t-shirts and it's like oh this is something something's happening but then abruptly Sal the good news I remember that guy Dak Prescott who used to play quarterback for you before the unstoppable undefeated Cooper Rush and the Ewing Theory Committee came in and turned your season around now the Cowboys I made a list I tried to figure out who the best 32 teams were, one through 32, and I have you guys sixth, and you lost Dak Prescott four weeks ago,

and everybody wrote them off, and the Eagles were in, and I think you have one of the six best teams in the league, and you don't even have your quarterback. Yeah, it was almost even better, right, if Kyla Murray didn't, you know, first of all, he comes to the game dressed like Margaret Thatcher,

and then he spikes the ball on third and one, and then they have to kick the field goal. They show a whole... Has that ever happened where they show a whole montage of missed field goals with the guy in practice, and then it actually happens? Anyway, we could have been tied with the Eagles, but I'm happy. But is it really Cooper Rush, he had 102 yards passing. This defense is everything.

It's everything. What a great defense. It's the best I've seen in forever. It's a little 2001 Pats-ish. Game manager Cooper Rush, good defense, and one of the greatest coaches of all time in Mike McCarthy. House is all fired up about the NFC East. He thinks the NFC East is back.

Even the C words. He's kind of excited. Well, it's just the old NFC East that we grew up with. Cause it's like this mouth football. It's defensive football. It's rushing, grounding out,

pounding out yards on the ground. The Cowboys, you know, consecutive weeks, more yards on the ground than, than passing. That's the right way to play it. And I give credit to Kellen Moore.

He's called three great games, three great game plans to manage Cooper Rush and let Cooper Rush just do the little bit that he needs to do to let the team go ahead and win, not snatch defeat from the jaws of victory like a lot of these clowns that we watch since Thursday night. Hold on. That's the next topic. We're going to do dumb ass coaches later. The Dallas thing, the recipe is there. And I got to be honest, I feel like my team has a little bit of the same recipe.

Starting to get ideas. Like I made this list and the Pats weren't that far away from the top 10. Same recipe though. Good defense, run the ball, good coaching. Are we willing to say you at least have decent coaching now, Cuz? I think so in certain spots. It does seem like McCarthy's a better coach when Cooper rushes the quarterback.

It's an odd thing to say, but we really can't neglect this defense. They could quadruple team Mic you know, Micah Parsons and it doesn't seem to matter. Like that Rams, I know the Rams have trouble moving the ball anyway, but we suffocated them.

They really didn't have a shot. I know they missed the field goal. They could have been in it, but House, you want to play quarterback next week? I mean, you had 102 yards. We had 264 total yards of offense. You want to play wide receiver, House?

Whatever you want to do. Well, the fans here in LA chant MVP for me me the way they chant an MVP for Micah? Did you hear that? I mean, that was sick. Amazing. Imagine being a Rams fan. Yeah. Cuz, did you go?

No, I didn't because I'm an idiot. My big thing was I didn't want to watch the Mets in the car or listen to the car and get mad. That's defensible. I know I have road rage and that'll be the end of me because, you know, Musgrove is striking out the side, you know, three out of four innings or whatever.

So yeah, well, I stayed away from the good game. Those Dallas Philly games, a couple of interesting things there. One, it really seems like the Rams are done as a possible contender. They've gotten their ass kicked now in three games.

I thought that was the weirdest line of the day. I thought we were talking about it all day. I love the Cowboys money line. I like the Cowboys straight up. In general, I thought the line should have been Rams by three when you factor in all the Dallas fans that we knew were going to be there, but the Rams just don't have it.

So you have that. Then you have Arizona, who once again did the thing where they suck for a quarter, they kind of rally back near the end, and then it gets super wonky with like five minutes left. Kyler does the slide, what,

six feet short of the third down thing and then spikes it on third down. He definitely thought he made it, right? Yeah, somebody tweeted that the in-stadium board flashed up first and ten. And the theory is that Kyler saw that,

popped up, saw that the board showed first down, and went and spiked it, producing a fourth down opportunity. So the in-house Cardinal production effed the Cardinals, which goes along with everything else. I would say watching their game management

over the last couple years, I'm going to gravitate toward the slide-spike combo maybe being part of the DNA. There's no benefit of any doubt anymore with Coach Kingsbury. Both teams were who we thought they were in that game

though because the Eagles look great early, had trouble protecting the lead like they always do. I felt like that game was sitting there to be stolen. The reason we bring this up is next week we have two awesome games. We have your teams playing Philly

and we have KC Buffalo. Those are four of the six best teams in the league right now. We just saw Baltimore-Cincy on a Sunday, which we'll talk about in a second, but that was another good game. But next week really feels like the official start of the season, right? Yeah. These could be the AFC title, NFC title games potentially. I just want to very quickly, I'm not ready to completely eliminate the Rams.

The three losses that they have are to credible teams this is they're playing the schedule of the guy of the team that won the super bowl and they still have games against arizona and seattle in conference that you know they they there's still an opportunity to right the ship the thing that's stark right now with them it seems like they don't have enough talent offensively. There is something going on in terms of, you know, guys that can get open and catch the ball.

And we're all praying for Cooper Cubs health every week. What do you mean there's something going on? They were a top-heavy team and then they lost two guys. Yeah. Like that 2-2 Atwell,

I didn't even know was still on their team. Made a good nice catch. They threw to him deep twice in that game and it was like, 2-2 Atwell's on their roster? I thought he catch. They threw to him deep twice in that game. And it was like, two, two at-wells on their roster?

I thought he was, you know, on the practice squad or whatever. But it just doesn't seem like they have enough talent. The stats with them are really discouraging. I think they're third, third from the bottom in point differential right now. And all the advanced stats say

they're one of the five worst teams in the league. So it happens. They mortgaged their future to win last year. They played the Bills defense, the 49ers defense, and the Dallas defense. Three of the top five defenses in the league. Fair. That is a tough early first five schedule, first place schedule for sure. Well, the one thing they have going for them is everybody is two and three.

All 32 teams are two and three. It hasn't happened since 1916. Not the C-words. Oh yeah, not the C-words. They just should be two and three. Yeah, you're right. We have the 5-0 Eagles. We have two 4-1 teams. Minnesota

Oh, three. Minnesota, Dallas, and the Giants. And then we have the Bucs, Niners, Packers at three and two. The Packers were one of the big losers today because they lost to a Giants team that had no receivers. They had the lead. They're up 10-0.

It was a lot of Saquon Barkley, but then he missed a quarter. I was so relieved. I couldn't believe I didn't have the Packers in a tease. I kept looking. I was like, how am I not losing money the Packers in a tease. I kept looking. I was like, I was like, how am I not losing money on this game? What happened?

I did it. How's, how do you like, how do you like losing four figures before 10 AM? It was fun, right? It was good. It's like before your first meal.

Yeah. The London game is a do not bet for me, but, but the Giants somehow sneak it out. Dave Ball, who all these new coaches we've had over the last couple years we'll get to I have a whole thing I want to do about dumbass coaches but

Dayball's the opposite that team the game management's great they're really smart he puts his players in position to succeed he takes somebody like Daniel Jones who you know is pretty athletic who can move the ball he can run he looks okay from time to time.

And he just, all he does is maximize like the very small things Daniel Jones is good at. I've been really impressed by them. The Giants are four and one. It actually feels like right around the right record. I feel like they should be three and two, four and one, right? I agree. Yeah, from what we've seen,

the thing to me today that was so impressive was it was the most confident I've ever seen Daniel Jones. Yeah. Like, confident, like, the competent, confident thing that goes hand in hand, and it's because of Dayball. It's got to be. And it coincided with the Packers just losing control of their offense, right? Because they were, you know, Rodgers seemed dialed in, right?

Nickel and diming, four-yard pass past the Lazard seven to Tanya and all that thing where it just doesn't even take a snap step away from the center. And he's already got a completion for nine yards. And then he got sacked on third and long, got him out of field goal range and they never, ever made it back. But yeah, to your point, this, this Giants team would have given up on this game every year for the last six years. But not under Brian Dable. He's got it going. And then we had the Jets beat Miami. That was a weirder game because Bridgewater got hurt early. The spotter came in because the NFL, just during the season, had to change their concussion protocol rules. I can't remember another. Imagine having the NFL as the commissioner

of your fantasy league where they would just be like, hey, I know guys, I know it's week five, but I've now decided that 250 yard plus for passing is now going to be worth eight points. Like what?

Why didn't we decide this before the season? The NFL just is changing things on the fly. Now they have spotters where, and by the way, this is all stuff they should have 10 years ago, so I'm not

complaining. But now it's like, hey, if somebody's wobbling like they're a drunk coming out of the bar, we're going to put them in concussion protocol. That's one of our new rules. It's like, oh, thank you. Thanks, NFL. This sounds great. But especially the Dolphins,

they're not going to let them slide. Skyler Thompson should have taken 50-50 snaps this week knowing that they're going to, if anybody comes away with a stubbed toe, that they're going to be like, all right, Bridgewater, you're sitting. Maybe Bridgewater is messed up a little bit. But yeah, as soon as they brought that guy in, I was like, wow, the Jets are going to have their third win. Well, the Jets are in a, they're basically in a multi-team tie for the three seed.

Yeah. The three and two teams right now are Tennessee, Baltimore, the Jets, the Dolphins, and that goofy Chargers team that is minus 14 for the season that pulled another one out. Jacoby Brissett, did you see the stat? The Chargers beat the Browns. Brissett's thrown three interceptions. All of them have come in the last three minutes of the game. Oh, no. Yeah. And two

of them, back-to-back weeks where he's cost his team wins. Normally, we'd call that a wince, but I guess we just call that a Jacoby. We can still call it a wince. It's a wince. But I mean, that team could have been four and one with Watson coming back in week 13.

Brissette's job was just to try to keep them somewhere around 7-6, 6-7 range, which they still might be able to do. But this is two weeks in a row where the Browns have kicked the shit out of somebody and somehow lost the game. They're up 14-0. And they hadn't given to them. But then when the coaches, that Stanley is like, it just drives me crazy that he gets the benefit from going up for it on 4 and two and his own side of the field when they could just punt it away.

You know, it's like this is this taking chances thing. It's fun for the aggressive thing, but it's still got to be right. Right. It's like it's like your drunk friend playing blackjack with you. Right. And you're like, all right, it's the other show in six. We're all staying right, guys. Right.

And then this drunk idiot friend hits and gets a three and then the dealer busts and your idiot friend's like, I told you, bitch. Don't you ever deny me. Don't you? Like, no, no, you were wrong. You were wrong to go for it there. What's going on?

I want to talk about this. Let's take a break and let's talk about dumb ass coaches. This episode is brought to you by Prime Video. You know me, I can't go a day without sports. I really can't. And now Monday nights are all about hockey. That's right. There's a new exclusive home for streaming Monday night NHL hockey, and it's on Prime. All season long, watch Prime Monday Night Hockey deliver unreal plays, the biggest goals, can't miss moments. Matthews, McDavid, Crosby, the NHL's best, they're all on Prime. Prime Monday Night Hockey. It's on Monday. It's on Prime. This episode is brought to you by Movember. The mustache is back with a vengeance. Look at Travis Kelsey. Before he rocked that Super Bowl ring, he rocked that super soup strainer.

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host an event, or set your own goal and mow your own way. Do great things this November. Sign up now. Just search Movember. All right. So this starts on Thursday night with Nat Hackett, who's up three. Listen, people have talked about it, but we're just going to rehash it quick.

They're up three. It's fourth and one. Matt Ryan has been sacked or hit 230 times in a four quarter game. The Colts have six points. They have no receivers. They have no chance, zero, none of going 80 yards. And that Hackett sees all of this and he says, you know what? We're going to go for it on fourth and one. Not only are we going to go for it, we're going to throw it with my quarterback who's been completely erratic and had terrible judgment and looks washed up this whole game. That's what we're going to do. They do it. They don't get it. Colts come back down. We end up in overtime. I had the Broncos. I mean, this whole analytics

thing, it's been beaten to death ad nauseum and it's turned into a, you have to be on one side or the other. I like analytics. I also like the concept of just watching a football game and feeling the rhythms of it. And sometimes maybe throwing out the next gen stats and just looking at stuff like, all right, I've stood on the sideline here for three hours. Do I think the Colts can go 80 yards? I do not. I'm going to take the, I'm going to take the three points and go up six because I don't think they can score. We were talking tonight,

Bengals Ravens, where the, the Bengals, I mean, talk about year of the dumb ass, Zach Taylor, first down and goal from the two. They do,

they do a reverse. Somehow they do a reverse that ends up third and third down. They tried to Philly special, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was. They tried a Philly special, right? Yeah. Yeah, it was a version of the Philly special and then the shovel pass. But no, I know what you're saying. I didn't want to jump games either. But yeah, Joe Mixon has 13 touchdowns. Analytics

dictates that that guy can't get the ball now. Just run the ball. How about your 6'5 quarterback who could do a QB sneak, which by the way, they did the next time around. They get the fourth and two. And I would have taken the field. I would have taken the points. It was a field goal game. Nope. We got to go for it. Next gen stats say that we have a 2% chance more to get it. fourth and short and Harbaugh takes the points and everyone goes, I went on Twitter, everyone went nuts. Oh my God. Baltimore's betrayed who they are. It's like, I don't know. Did they, they're up six. Even if that was smart. Yeah. Even if the Bengals go down and score a touchdown, you still get the ball back with a chance to kick

a field goal to go up to nobody factors in that part. If you don't get that fourth and one, now the Bengals can get a touchdown and go up four. It's just nobody talks about the football situations or the fact that you have Justin Tucker. We're house and are talking about it. You have Justin Tucker. Even if I'm down two, I just have to get to the 50-yard line. I win the game. Worst case scenario, you have three timeouts, two minutes left, and the best kicker has ever done it. That was it. Right?

That was it. And so, yeah, you go up six. And plus, you've been stifled on fourth and one before. I'm with you. Nate Hackett is a breed of his own, though, I think. He is. And you're saying there's no way the Colts would come down? Nobody scored that game. Analytics, you're right, doesn't see that there were no touchdowns in that game.

And there weren't going to be. You know? Right. doesn't see that there were no touchdowns in that game and there weren't going to be. My issue with the analytics is that the situation has, you and I were talking about this, it doesn't seem to factor in stuff like, well, this team has Justin Tucker. So if they go up six, even if the Bengals come down and score a touchdown,

they're still going to win by two. We knew it was going to happen when the Bengals scored. It was 17-16. It's like, guess what? The Ravens are going to get to the 40 and Justin Tucker's going to kick by two. We knew it was going to happen when the Bengals scored. It was 17-16. It's like, guess what? The Ravens are going to get to the 40 and Justin Tucker's going to kick a field goal. It's just these analytics that happen in a vacuum without...

That's the point. We all have observed analytics at work in a lot of different situations in sports over the last 15 years or so. In many ways, I think it's pretty enjoyable. It's added to my enjoyment of the NBA, the revolution with the three points and so forth. And in football,

there is this weird binary. Either the analytics dictate the direction you're going to go in, or you're going against the analytics. And I think that's the wrong framework. I think it needs to be... The analytics provide information. It's a data point. It's information about... You want to mitigate the risk

position that you're in. You want to slightly increase the likelihood that you can win. Okay, the math is supportive of it. Also, I'm coaching this fucking football game. I know how the game's been going and i know who my kicker is and i know how my defense is playing and i know who's gassed i know who in the secondary i need to sub out like all of those things are data points that are important elements

of making a complete comprehensive decision and it's why the guys up in the booth you know they have analytics guys but those guys are also football coaches, I believe. They're not just mathematicians. So that's the point. If there's a hint of the idea that your quarterback has a torn labrum, I think at that point you could stiff arm the 26-year-old computer nerd and say, hey, step back here. We're going to kick it. I hate to bring blackjack back into it, but I was thinking, okay, I think analytics nerds treat it like we do like when you have a two when you have a 12 against a two you're like i always hit or i always stay i'm not gonna change but there are other factors right if the last 10 cards were picture cards you're going to do something different than you might if there were threes

and fours coming out right yeah well so harbaugh who people were saying or people thought maybe because of what happened to them last week they have now betrayed their identity by not going in on fourth down. I look at it the other way. I didn't think, you know, the running, I know they're running for like four and a half yards, but they don't have, right? Like he missed throws left and right. And I don't want to give the Bengals life. I just want to go up six. The Bengals had scored 10 points to that point. They had a bunch of three and outs. I was getting pressure on Burrow. And I'm going to make the bet that they can't go 80 yards and get seven. And even if they get the seven, I'm going to bet on my guy to come back down

and the best field goal kicker of all time. I don't know. I just feel like this isn't like cut and dry. It's not like it says 82% they should have gone versus 75% that they shouldn't. So they should have gone. Like you have to weigh the situation. I thought it was debatable at least. Yeah.

I won't put devil's advocate with you, even though I 100% agree with you. I didn't know if you have fourth and one I didn't know you could have players push you now and legally so that's that does I mean you really at this point we should have a center and a quarterback and nine guys pushing from behind that's what I want to see that's how you got to get the yard yeah they should have like the undertaker behind Joe yeah exactly. The pusher should be in position. Who would be the best pusher? When Michael Parsons,

bring Parsons in and let him be a pusher. Well, what did Staley do today? What was it? It was fourth and one on his own 46. Yes. Up two. He went for it. Mm-hmm.

And he just should have punted, right? Yeah. Pretty much make Jacoby Brissette go 60 yards to beat me. And the play calls suck too, but that's just a whole other part of it. But yeah, these guys are getting a little too crazy. I don't know. And that's why everyone's 2-3. Well, the thing is, this is when it started with the Pats-Colts game

where Belichick went for it in his own 28. And I remember writing like a 10,000 word column about this when it happened. Going for it was defensible. The play was bad. And that like those things have to go hand in hand. Like if I'm going for it, I'm fourth and two for my own 28. I better have an awesome player. I have that one guy I know can get open.

Like the Ravens have Mark Andrews, right? If you're going to tell me Harbaugh's looking down and going, you know what? Mark Andrews has gotten open this whole game. It's fourth and one. He's going to get open. I'm going for it. I'd be like, you know what? That sounds great. I thought that was a 50-50 call. The stuff the Bengals did, the Bengals

going for it on fourth and two, we did not agree with. Just take the points, tie game, got a quarter left. We see this over and over again, but it does feel like this new wave of people coming in that are trying to make their mark by being aggressive. It's like, is it aggressive or stupid? Well, the other thing is, why don't these coaches just in the press conference say, hey, get off my back.

Sometimes it's going to work and sometimes it isn't. My job is at stake here. For the ones who aren't aggressive, that's what they should say. Like, hey, this is what I don't even care about analytics or I care about analytics and this is what we're going to do. And don't worry about it. It's going to work out sometimes and sometimes. It's turning into backgammon. Where if you play somebody, I played a lot of backgammon in my day.

Prone to play for money from time to time. Backgammon and NBA. This is all he talks about. You knew a lot of backgammon in my day. I'm prone to play for money from time to time. Backgammon and NBA. This is all he talks about. You knew it cut to backgammon. Very weird. But you play somebody in backgammon who's super aggressive, right? And they just start hitting you and they'll hit you when they're in their corner, when you can bring the guys in at the end, whatever that corner is called.

And it's so frustrating. You're like, oh, that's so stupid that he did that. And then you roll and you can't get in. And it's so frustrating. You're like, oh, that's so stupid that he did that. And then you roll and you can't get in. And it worked. And you're like, so is that a good idea or is that insane? We don't know what the hell you're saying. Well, people play him back in the know. Can I give you some biggest surprises?

Yeah. New York football being 7-1? Wow. Wait. No being 7-1? Wow. Wait. No, 7-2. Giants are 4-1. No, 7-3. See, it would have been a surprise if they were 7-1.

Wow, you keep surprising us. New York football being 7-3. You can't add. Well, if you add Buffalo, it's what? 11-4? 11-4. NFC East, 14-6.

Best division. With three of those, like cannibal losses, right? Because Washington's lost to Dallas and Philly, and the Giants lost to Dallas. Is that what we call them now? Cannibal losses? Like Jeffrey Dahmer losses? We're going to do the inside the conference.

Take out the head-to-heads. Another surprise. I think Pittsburgh is unquestionably the worst the inside the conference. Take out the head-to-heads. Another surprise. I think Pittsburgh is unquestionably the worst team in the league. Right? Who's worse than them? I think the Panthers would like a word. I think that Baker Mayfield would like to have a conversation maybe, make his case.

I can't put the C words in the conversation as frustrated as I am. You can. You can do that. You can. You can do that. You can. You give me permission, cuz. Sure, yeah. Why not? Yeah.

Well, Detroit's probably lingering in that combo too now. When you say the worst team, is it the team that's going to end up with the worst record? Because it might be the Steelers anyway. You might be right. I think it's the Steelers. I think they take their time with TJ Watt. They move to the picket era. Well, this is the thing. This upcoming draft

has five quarterbacks projected in the first 15 selections. And Stroud is supposed to be the prize catch. So the teams that are right now, the only team that obviously most prominently needs a quarterback is Carolina. I mean, Carolina's quarterback has single-handedly cost them probably three wins. I think they have a pretty okay team. The defense is competent. Yeah.

They hung around that Niners game. Baker just wouldn't let them do anything. He's in a walking boot. He's in a walking boot. He's in a walking boot now, though. So I think he's arguably going to be more mobile than we've seen him. I was thinking about all the teams that could have traded for Garoppolo. Which is basically Pittsburgh, Carolina, Indy. Washington tried to.

Washington and Denver are the five, right? There's this alternate universe for Denver where they just give a second rounder for Jimmy G. They keep all the other stuff and instead they went down this road with Russ. I was talking to some Seattle fans who were, I won't say who they were, but they were celebrating.

All right, fine. It was Danny Kelly and Mina Kimes. Celebrating the Russell Wilson trade. It really looks like they got out unscathed. This is my buddy Gus, who's a huge Broncos fan, who was so fired up to have Russell Wilson. And within four weeks, you're like, oh my God, not only is this trade not working, this is the next five years of my life.

And I was thinking that, I don't know what, you tell me what your Washington equivalent of this, but for me, as a Celtics fan, we traded for Vin Baker and we went, we took his max contract in like 03. And I didn't want them to do it. I wrote a whole column, like, this is like a car crash. Please don't, I can't believe we did this. And you watch for two weeks and you're like, oh my God, we're screwed for the next four years. There's no exit from this. This is done. It's a wrap. Nothing good could happen from this. And I wonder, do you think the Denver fans got that way with Wilson? I feel like they did. Yeah, but there's also a big part of this. And if you've had him in fantasy before, or if you've watched him, you realize even the Russ from two years ago, he would carry the ball every day, would design plays for him. He never, ever runs it. But that play where he'd stick the ball in Rashad Penny's stomach and maybe pull it back and end the round for third and four and ice the game. That was it. And so before he signed the contract,

he's like, oh, by the way, I'm not going to do that anymore. Can I still get the $200 million? They're like, yeah, I mean, we're here. You might as well sign. I feel like they're getting not only damaged goods, but a different player. I think it's impossible, though,

to separate out Russell Wilson from Nathaniel Hackett. I think they go hand in hand. I would really like to see Wilson in a competent offense and a competent organization with proper game management and see what that looks like before we pour the dirt

over Russ. Well, I'm going to still pour the dirt on him. But had they hired Dayball instead of Hackett, that is a great word of, because those are really like the fork in the road coaching hires, right? Dayball has just been magnificent on the Giants. I love

every single thing I've seen from them. Even the sideline, it's like very, there's like a confidence to him. And we talked about it, but like the Hackett thing is the complete opposite. And they cut to Hackett and it looks like he looks like a kid in the third grade who's about to be called on to read his essay and he doesn't want to go up in front of the class. And he's the head coach of the team. How do you feel good if you're on that team? And it's like, this is the guy who's

in charge. Like, I actually think he can get fired like by week 10. At some point, you just got to admit that this guy's not a coach. So Rule's going to go, right? Is that where you were talking about Carolina? But he's the first probably to go, right? Rule. So we said Rule or Rivera before the season. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait till... House is waiting for Rivera to come back, much like we're waiting for Dak to come back. What's it going to be when that shows up? Yeah. It's very strange. it's very strange. It's very strange.

But let me ask you this about Dayball. You talked about all that draft house and next year. Are they stuck with Danny Dimes now? Did he screw himself a little bit here? It's too early to say that. If they go nine and eight, what do you do? It's in play now, isn't it? Yeah.

He looks confident. They have easy games. They have easy games on their schedule. They can go nine and eight and still not be great. You know, I remember when they asked, should we get him as a weekly guest for the New York, New York podcast with John Jastrzemski? And I said, I believe in dimes. Let's get him.

I think this is dimes this year. No, the only person I knew who thought the Giants had a chance was Raheem Palmer on our gambling show. Remember, he was adamant that they were the sleeper of the NFC. We all thought he was insane. It was like, they have seven players. What is the roadmap? But this happens.

Every year we have the, how the fuck did they get in the playoffs team? And I thought it was going to be the Panthers, but I think it's going to be the Giants quickly is it time to worry about dot dot dot Trevor Lawrence horrible two games in a row horrible

I just have a weird feeling about that division did you say you bet oh you did bet the Broncos like I feel like if you bet any game involving the AFC South you deserve exactly what you get and when you bet them playing each other all bets are off the table right there like so if you're I don't know I could see I took Texans in the points and I thought there could be an upset because I think all these teams are junk well I did the opposite I had took Texans in the points and I thought there could be an upset because I think all these teams are junk. Well, I did the opposite.

I had the Texans and the Niners and the Tees. I mean, I'm sorry, the Jags and the Niners and the Tees. And I don't know whether I need an exercise. We talked about exorcisms and things I could do, but like over and over again, I have the game where the QB throws the interception when they're on the one yard line. And then on the other side, the one time that the team that hasn't scored a touchdown

the whole game has the third and 15 and gets stopped. But there's the play after the whistle, the unsportsmanlike contact, the roof of the passer. That's happened to me twice now. Chiefs Colts and Jags Texans. The drive's done. Penalty.

Drive is now kept alive. Let's go score a touchdown. I don't know what I have to do, but I think I'm going to go buy chicken blood tomorrow at Erewhon. I think they sell it at Erewhon. And I'm just going to pour chicken blood on my chest and do a little dance around my pool. Maybe that'll work.

Tell him he doesn't have to dance or chicken blood or anything. He could live bet the other side. It's a beautiful world we live in now. I could have live bet the Mariners when they were losing 8-1 to the Blue Jays, but I didn't because I'm an idiot and they came back and won. So we could get out of these miserable bets we set ourselves up with. All right, so we're not worried about Trevor Lawrence. Do you have anybody else we should worry about?

Just Jerome Boger. Jerome. I mean, somehow I didn't have money on that one. Not worried about Trevor Lawrence. Do you have anybody else we should worry about? Just Jerome Boger. Jerome! I mean, somehow I didn't have money on that one. Jerome Boger keeping the Brady drive alive. That was the worst call of the year. It was literally the worst call of the year. The game hung in the balance on that play. Atlanta made the stop.

They were at home with the opportunity to really give it to Tampa. And Jerome Boger said, nope, not on my watch. Jerome Boger is like, yeah. Can I tell you my theory on this? Let's hear it. I think they said, you know what? We're going to give the best player who ever lived a break.

He's had a tough week. His old lady filed for divorce. His mental patient of a friend is posting children's books suggesting he's going to stay back and have his way with her. All right, it's going to look a little bad, but let's give them a break. They got to get out of this home game with a win. Tom versus prison time, his next Facebook thing.

I think that might have been what happened, but I do feel like Jerome Bogart, he's like one of those SNL cast members when it's the first episode of the season and you're like, wait, that person's still on the show? How did they not get rid of that person yet? Jerome Bogart, how is he still on the show? That's the point.

They make a concussion rule on the fly. Like week five, new concussion rule, new protocol. And Jerome Bogart's still out there? We can't fix that? It's like when Ed Hockley was terrible for like three extra years before they were finally like, hey Ed, we've got a gift basket for you. Alright, let's take a break and then we'll do

I guess the lines. When you ride transit, please be safe. Yeah, be safe. Because what you do, others will do too. Others will do it too. So don't take shortcuts across tracks. Don't do that. In fact, just don't walk on tracks at all. Not at all. Trains move quietly so you won't hear them coming. You won't hear them coming. See, safe riding sets an example. Yeah, an example for me. Because safety is learned. It's learned. Okay, give it up. Give what up? Really? Really, really. Ugh.

This message is brought to you by Metrolinx. All right, guess the lines. Week six. What is it? I'm up. Is it 2-2-1? 2-1-2. You have two.

I have one win, and there are two ties. All right, so when we have house in, it's just, it's a three person thing. If we both lose, it's a loss for us. If we get a win, it's a win. And if house wins, we just kind of roll it over. I already won because I got your mom to make me a giant Italian feast today. The only way to make up for the fact that I had to fly out here. Sal, they fly me out here, right? I had the first thing in the morning on a Sunday morning to get out here. My

NFL, all my prep, I'm in a middle seat. Middle seat from the East Coast to the... I'm 6'3". I barely fit. It's a Swedish company. I don't know what to say. Do they not know? My name is literally House. When we were on our own, House

was flying business class. Now he's middle seat. We're really stepping up i'm i'm happy to sit with my legs out for this podcast tonight cuz well house uh house bullies not bullies but he my mom loves house yeah so house house tries to uh get the momentum going for my mom to cook it's just sweet talk that's all yeah my mom gets super excited and cooks for three days what does she make us, House? We had a beautiful array. We had a nice... We always start with a beautiful

roasted red pepper with the garlic and the oil, nice olive oil. Deviled eggs. Very special recipe of deviled eggs. She likes to ease us into it. She went to the farmer's market and got for us the fresh baguette with the the garlic uh

inside and we have a beautiful caesar salad all made by hand oh the the dressing made by hand perfect and then we get into the main course the stuffed shells with a nice sauce the cheese baked on top and then the really the heavy hitters the meatballs and the brajol. And, you know, the brajol. So we, this year's version of the brajol, no raisins. Your mother, she can do whatever she wants in terms of recipe. And there are a million brajol recipes. There's no wrong way of doing it.

I just was surprised. No raisins this year. And I felt like Kyle went above his brajol limit. Oh, you did try to impose a two. No, no. Kyle knows. Kyle, three was probably the limit,

but I feel like he might have snuck in five. You know, it sounds amazing, and it also sounds like you had enough to invite me, but Simmons stuck me in the middle seat for the whole day, it seems like. Because you had the Mets. We weren't messing with you today. You had the Cowboys-Mets combo.

I haven't eaten since 1.30. That's how bummed out I am about these stupid Mets. We weren't messing with you today. You had the Cowboys-Mets combo. I haven't eaten since 1.30. That's how bummed out I am about these stupid Mets. I'll make up for it. Well, week six, speaking of making up for it, speaking of being cheered up, Thursday night, the Bears against the Seawords. We thought

we couldn't have a worse Thursday night game, and now we've topped it. Justin Fields against Carson Wentz. Ron Rivera against whoever the hell the Bears coach is. Al Michaels. Ibra Floos. Al Michaels just, what do you think? Should they let him drink during the game, Sal?

Yeah, this one for sure. Yeah. If we're all drinking, why can't he drink? What's the difference? It's probably going to be cold too, right? It should be, yeah. Yeah, let him drink. The guy I feel terrible for, Herbstreet's never seen an NFL game before four weeks ago.

So I think he thinks this is what the product is. That he thinks, you know, he's coming in fresh. He's coming in almost like an alien. And he's watching this and he's like, I heard Russell Wilson was good. I thought he won a Superbowl. Like he's just, he's confused. He's dumbfounded.

He's great. He's a great guy. He just didn't follow football in the NFL until this year. And it's pretty obvious. But he's retired after they left college. He's like, yeah, they must go out and sell insurance or something, right?

He's like, Justin Fields, I saw him at Ohio State. This is great. He's going to see him again. It's at Chicago. And I'm going to guess Bears by one and a half. What do you have, Sal? I hit it exactly. So I'll let Hal guess first. I think it's going to be Bears by two and a half. What do you have, Sal? I hit it exactly. So I'll let Hal guess first.

I think it's going to be Bears by two and a half. The standard home field advantage for the Bears. All right. The odds makers just said we want nothing to do with this, and they made it a pick. And that's exactly what I said when I looked at it. I'm like, I can't figure this out. This is a pick-em.

Well, I will say the one thing, and you went against this angle, there is the rookie head coaches on Thursday nights have a horrendous record. They're like 8 and 20. Yeah, so there's an angle. And, you know, it was just borne out in the Thursday night game of last week. Another rookie head coach going up

against a veteran head coach. The theory being that the rookie head coach on a short week, you know, has even less time to get his act together. Wait, I'm reading it says unless it's against Ron Rivera, in which case they're 11-2.

And Carson Wentz is the opposing quarterback. God. I might actually skip this, guys. No, come on. There'll be playoff baseball on that night, right? Oh, right. At least get on the Twitter.

The Twitter was so fun. The Twitter was fun. It really was. I mean, Hackett. Hackett's the best Twitter NFL coach we've probably had since Twitter was invented, right?

It's really been terrific. I've disagreed with 90% of his decisions. Sunday Marquis. I'll give Spotify a little love here because we did the Spotify live Thursday night. We also did it at 620 this morning. I thought this would be, I'm like, hey, we'll do the first quarter of the Giants Packers. I did it with my eyes closed.

But Thursday night we do it and it's such a bad game. And we have like, we don't have that many in the room. We have like 75 or 80, which I think is okay. But I'm like, yeah, no one cares about this game. When it got to the fourth quarter in overtime, that number went 5X. I was like, wow, people really care. It doesn't really matter what the first 75 minutes of this game looked like. They're going to tune in at the end if it's close.

So something to say about the NFL and Spotify. House is going to get a Spotify live show called The Middle Seat. It's just him cramping the close quarters. I just want to know, does it have an E rating? Does that room have an E for explicit rating? Yeah. And is there a video? Sunday marquee game is a beautiful one.

It's at Kansas City. It's Chiefs-Bills. America gets to remember that the Bills had a chance to go to round three and somehow lost it in 13 seconds. I could not quite get to three on this one, Sal. I went Chiefs by

two and a half. What do you have, House? I'm going to say pick them because we haven't seen the Chiefs against the Raiders yet. You mean the Bills? No, no. The Chiefs play the Raiders on Monday night. We know the Bills just kicked the Steelers' ass.

What do you got, Sal? You're going to think I'm cheating because this is the second one I got in a row, right? But plus two. It's a bills minus two bills. Oh, wow. Holy shit. Yeah. So the chiefs are home dogs.

If they beat the crap out of the Raiders tomorrow night, though, how do you think that moves the line? It'll tighten up a little bit. That's what I'm wondering aloud. I'm wondering aloud. So the storyline is payback against a team that's on a short week and they

don't care if they go on the road. I mean, they went on the road. Tennessee is not the caliber of KC, but they crushed Tennessee on the road, right? Trying to get at road games. Rams, they beat up. Dolphins. Sal, can I... I feel like I've already done this segment with you before this season, but can we run it back?

Yeah. Are we sure the Bills should be getting this kind of respect? Yeah, yeah. Come on. How many times are you going to be wrong about this? Well, let's go backwards. They had one hiccup. One hiccup against the Dolphins.

That was stupid. I hear you. Week one. I don't think you do. Week one, they kill the Rams. It felt like a substantial thing. Now we've seen the Rams for five weeks. Is it as impressive as it seemed

in week one? No. No. They beat the hell out of them, though. But the Rams aren't good. I'm saying, looking backwards, I'm not as impressed by that win as I was in the moment. Week two, they beat the hell. I understand. All right. Week two, they beat the hell out of Tennessee.

Week three, they lose to Miami. Week four, they pull it out at Baltimore. Whatever. Yeah, it was good. It was kind of left all of us cold. I didn't feel great about either team after that game. And then week five, they kill Pittsburgh, who's the worst team in the league. All I'm saying is I'm not sure all that leads to them being favored over the Chiefs in

Kansas City. At least give me pick them. Bills minus two? I don't get it. I disagree. Take the Chiefs. Take the Chiefs. I might. The Chiefs should be insulted by this. Can I... With the whole... You got me thinking about,

the underhand, opposite hand shovel pass with Burrow. No one's going to ever be better than that or just by the four-yard line. Patrick Mahomes is the one guy you want at the four-yard line, right? You wouldn't pick anyone else. Who is even second? I don't even, is it Josh Allen maybe?

I don't even know if there's a second best. Is it Baker? Can I say something about the Philly special? It's going to seem like sour grapes. I swear to God, it's not. Yeah. So that play works in the Super Bowl, and it's this huge momentum, great moment for the game,

and it becomes this symbolic moment of them outsmarting the Pats. They scored on us like every series the game. And it's like, becomes a symbolic moment of them outsmarting the Pats. They scored on us like every series, that game, any play they ran in that game succeeded or scored in some way. It was either a first down a long pass, whatever. Right. So the Philly special was just one of many plays.

Nick Foles. I don't know. What was he like 29 for 30 for 700 yards? I don't remember his stats. Everything they did work. They ended up scoring, like, I remember it was over 40 points. I've blocked this game out. I refuse to watch it. The whole game was a Philly special. They scored at least

45 points. My point is now people think you get around the goal line. It's like, well, the Philly special worked. It's like everything fucking worked in that game. They could have run triple reverses. It would have worked. We couldn't stop anything. It's like, why did the Globetrotters

have to pull out the confetti? They're making, you know, backdoor layups left and right. Right. It was just showing off. Everyone can calm down with emulating the Philly special. The watchables.

I got four. First one. At Cleveland. Browns Patriots. Wow. You know who always gets a hop in his step for these games? My guy, Bill Belichick. Yeah.

Fired by the Cleveland Browns once upon a time. I love my team's chances in this game, and I'm very bullish on the New England Patriots, on Panda Jack, on Ramondre. I love this team. My favorite two and three team we've had in a long time. I think the Browns are favored by two and a half. What do you have, Wes?

Damn. Damn. Now I'm stuck. I'm going to be dead wrong on this. I think the Patriots are going to be favored by a point. Simmons, you get it. I say Cleveland by two. It's two and a half. You get it exactly.

Just a standard home field advantage for the Browns based on what we've seen thus far. That's reasonable. I have a couple of predictions. Go ahead. I think Belichick will have a long monologue about what a great guy Jacoby Brissett is I think you can lock that down

like a 70 second speech about what a wonderful human being he is and he's so proud of him and he's one of the hardest workers he's ever had he'll do that and I think somebody's got to get a good Jack Jones interview this week he's one of the great

fourth round pick. They finally hit on a cornerback. He's got this whole great backstory. He persevered after getting kicked out of school and the whole thing. Panda Jack, give me a Panda Jack story this week. All right. I'll buy all of it, but I'm not letting you fall for this Bailey's happy thing. I don't care if he throws four touchdown passes next week.

I'm not. I let you do this. I wasn't a good friend. I let you do this with the last guy, and now you hate him. And frankly, I shouldn't have let you do it with Brady 20 years ago. He wasn't that good, as it turns out, either. But no, back off Bailey Zappy. Zappy is fine.

He didn't do much today. They didn't really need him. As soon as Matt's healthy, he'll be back. But they got Tyquan Thornton back today. And he played a little bit, but I think that could be an X-File. I'm telling you, I like this Pats team. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. It's not sad.

That is how sad. We got Tyquan Thornton. Put the camera on. You would take him. Put the TikTok camera on. You would take him. Next game is in Atlanta. 49ers at the Falcons.

Falcons tried their damnedest to win some sort of money parlay. I think they're 5-0 against the spread now. 5-0. They're not screwed up yet. It's amazing. Today, no Kyle Pitts. Didn't matter. No Cordero Patterson. Didn't matter. The 49ers

who were getting a lot of killer defense buzz, including on this podcast, but they lost a couple guys in the game today. They were a little banged up by the end of that game, House. This is a little sneaky one. I think the 49ers, I have them favored by four and a half, but I

could see the case for the Falcons. What do you have? I had more. I think like six. What do you got, Sal? House nails it. I said four and a half, but I could see the case for the Falcons. What do you have? Oh, I had more. I think like six. Okay. What do you got, Sal? House nails it. I said four and a half also. It's six. And I thought this week was,

I'm ashamed of taking, that I took the Panthers this week. I thought this was going to be the upset or they at least covered. But yeah, how many times could the Niners go on the road against these middling teams and cover? But I was surprised they made it six.

I think one of the funniest outcomes with the Niners, and I don't know if this is Shanahan related or what, is just whoever the running back is is going to be good and rush for like 120 yards. In our league, after Mitchell got hurt, I spent $64 of our $100 salary cap on Jeff Wilson. So it was like eight weeks of Niners running back. It doesn't matter.

If this guy gets hurt, I'll just get Marlon Mack. It just doesn't matter. Who put somebody in, they're going to get between 75 and 120 yards. Next one. I can't believe I put this as a watchable, but I think it is. There's a lot of subplots. Packers-Jets. It's in Green Bay.

The Jets are downright frisky. The Packers are a whole week of what's going on coming out of London, and I think this could be maybe a tighter game than people expect. I'm going to say Packers by 7.5, House. I think it's more than that because it's Lambeau.

It's probably already 30 degrees there. It's the Jets on the road. I'm going to say, I'm just going to say eight. I said seven. Simmons gets it. It's exactly seven and a half. Wow.

You know, I didn't think about this, but they don't have an extra rest. So the teams have a choice if they want their bye week seven and a half. Wow. You know, I didn't think about this, but they're, they don't have an extra rest. They, so the teams have a choice if they want their bye week after the London game. And the Packers said, I guarantee the Packers

said something like, no, but let us play someone like the Jets next week. And the league figured it out because they don't want Aaron Rodgers crying. But this is,

this is a short week for Green Bay. This could be another weird spot. The Jets had something happen in the game today that I filed away. And it might mean nothing or it might mean something. Did you see the play when Quinn Williams stiff-armed Tyreek Hill? Yeah. I didn't see it.

And there was a whole Tyreek Hill subplot this week about how he almost went to the Jets and he kind of shat on him. There was a whole story about the Jets were way more into that than you think. And basically Tyreek Hill was a little bit of a dick about it. And William stiff-armed Hill. And it was like a big thing with the Jets. And if you go read the stories, they were all like fired up. It's like the kind of little moment where if a team ends up you know, lingering around in the playoffs like week 16, week 17,

you point back to them. I'm just following it away. The playoffs? The Jets? Listen, find me seven FC playoff teams. What are you talking about? Well, look, I mean, the two wins that they had coming into today that come from behind, the way that they beat Cleveland,

I'll never get over it. I was eliminated in the eliminator whatever week that was, week two or week three. I think we counted on three AFC West teams going to the playoffs, and that might just be one. There's like what you would say one and a half would be the over-under right now.

There's going to be one from the AFC South. There could only be one from the AFC North, and we might have three, potentially four, from the AFC East. I don't know. That's crazy. That's crazy talk. I feel like the Pats can get in. I'm just telling you. I don't know what she put in that

for Joel, but it's doing crazy things to your brain. All I know is we had the best coach of all time, and he likes his team. Kyle, you hear me. Kyle's thinking about getting a Panda Jack jersey. They're not selling them on Fanatics yet. Went out to special order a Panda Jack. Last one for the watchables.

Now this is a fun one. In Giants Stadium, Ravens at Giants. It's a good football game. Giants trying to gos at Giants. It's a good football game. Giants trying to go to 5-1. I have no idea who's playing receiver for them. And if there's ever been a road team by three and a half line

in the history of football, this is it. Ravens by three and a half. What do you have, House? I'm just going to say four so that I don't have the same number as you, but I totally agree. That's exactly what I think. Thank you, House. Thank you for stealing that. I had three and it's six. Wow!

The Ravens by six? Yeah. No respect for the G-men. None at all. No respect for Dan Dimes. Well, there is a thing for the teams that went to London and then come back. There is some kind of

angle to those teams covering the next week. I like the Jets, but that's high. That's so high. It feels high. We didn't talk about Tucker, actually, that last kick he made. When it's

43 yards and you know he's going to make it but there's still that 1% chance where you're like maybe this will be the time and then he kicks it and it is like dead straight yeah if there if it was like three extra points to just hit it completely in the middle of the two uprights

it would have been a six point field goal yeah that guy's unbelievable we've never had a case even Vin and Terry wasn't like this. Who said it on our thread? Was it Hench? It looks like a Tiger Woods, you know, it's the 18th hole.

Right. And he needs to hit one down the middle and, you know, stays up there. That's it. Yeah. I, it still gets me nutty that they don't get it in the thirties.

Like make it a 37 yard field goal. Why are you letting all this clock go? But it doesn't matter for a guy like him. It just doesn't. Actually, let's take a break. Fairly watchables. I got four. All these are fairly watchable. First one is in Miami. I have no idea who the starting quarterback is, but they'll be playing the 4-1 Minnesota Vikings. How do we feel about the Vikings being 4-1 house?

Well, in the preseason run-up, we had Minnesota as a potential sneaky, could win the NFC North. The problem is I've watched Minnesota play these games, and now I absolutely distrust them. I wish I hadn't wagered on them to win the NFC North. I don't like them. I wish I hadn't wagered on them to win the NFC North. I mean, I don't like Minnesota. I don't like Kirk Cousins. I don't like their defense.

I don't trust them. I don't like their coach. I don't trust the coach at all. Yeah. Other than that, great forward one team. I think they played better defense under Coach Zimmer. I really do. You're right.

As much as it was time for him to go. But what's their most impressive win? Week one against the Packers, who we now know are a completely flawed team. So four and one's fine, but we know they're not great. What did you have for this? I have the Dolphins by one. Is there a line? We don't know who's playing quarterback.

I found the line, but wow, we're going to be off by a million here. But go ahead, House. I think Minnesota's favored. I think we should say no line for this because we don't know the quarterback. You want to say no line? Yeah. Let's say no line. That benefits me greatly because I think they're having the Kansas State quarterback,

and I made it like seven, but it's three. All right. Dolphins plus three. We're not counting that. No, Minnesota. Vikings. Yeah, I thought Minnesota was going to be favored. We're not counting that one. No, Minnesota Vikings. Yeah, I thought Minnesota was going to be favored. I thought Bridgewater, why wouldn't he be back?

We have no idea. We don't know what's wrong with them. Because Dolphins, this is their punishment. They have to keep their quarterbacks out for weeks on end. St. Spangles is in New Orleans. Mm-hmm. This feels like this game is just on the do not bet list.

I agree. Don't let me bet this game, House. Don't let me bet any games, actually. Don't let me bet any games that are happening. How many millions are you allowed to bet on million dollar picks? Infinite millions?

We're going to find out this year. House, will you explain to him. Will you explain to him? Will you explain to him that it's only fun if he's actually betting the millions? Otherwise, it's just words. You can bet the million. Bet the $700,000 on a game. Just words. You went on that one streak at ESPN and you acted like it was the fucking reverse Iran hostage crisis.

The National Media should be covering it. Let me show you my sheet. This. The National Media should be covering it. Let me show you my sheet. This is my betting sheet for the three days. Now that's a betting sheet. Not a winner on there. I have the Saints in New Orleans favored by one over the Bengals. The Saints home, New Orleans, Bengals traveling, Sunday night. I'm going to go off to Sunday night I'm gonna

little case on case of Hill yeah Renaissance I like this I want to say Saints by two okay

well let me change let me check this because this I did this before the game and who knows what they did with this

all right Saints this is Bengals I had I'll tell you what I had since he by two and a half. And it is Cincy by one and a half.

Okay. So yeah, I get it, right? I was the only one who had it. Yeah. There you go. Saints are a home dog against the two and three Bengals. Just want to make sure I get that right. Okay. What do you mean?

The Cincinnati is going to wallop somebody because they're a record? No, I just don't know if... I don't know if I'd be taking Zach Taylor as a road favorite in New Orleans anytime soon. It's not going to be on my agenda. This is a do not bet. Who takes... Oh, it's also an Andy Dalton revenge game if he stays in there, right?

Against his old team. I didn't even realize that. Next one is Rams-Panthers. It's in LA. I have no idea who the Panthers coach is going to be, but I don't think it's going to be Matt Ruhle. The Rams, this is a must win. This will be a rare home game for them

because there can't be that many Carolina fans traveling. I'm going to say Rams by six house. Is Tate Frazier a Carolina fan? Will Tate go to this game? Oh, Tate will be there. Yeah, Tate will be there. He's the quarterback, actually. He's going to take snaps.

Now we have an answer to who will play quarterback with the Panthers. If Tate's there, then I'm going to say Rams by eight. If Tate doesn't go, then it's only Rams by seven or six and a half. I beat you both there. I said eight and a half. It's nine. Nine!

There's no reason to respect the Panthers on the road. I have a great Tate story. Oh, let's hear it. You know, he's one of Coach K's biggest non-fans. So I was watching the Redeem Team doc on Friday, early Friday night. And it's, you know, very favorable to Coach K, which I knew would bother our friend Tate.

So I texted Tate, you should watch this Redeem Team doc. More hagiography of Coach K. You'll hate it. I don't know what Tate was doing, but within a half hour, he's texting me. He's watching it. And he literally stopped everything he could do to hate watch the Redeem Team doc

to get mad about Coach K stuff. Tate, you're the best. We love you, Tate. Coach K is good in that doc. He has a couple good speeches. Is he lucid? Yeah, he had a couple good speeches. Okay. Yeah, he kind of wins you over a little bit. I had to take a shower after. He should coach the Broncos. Put him in there. I'm positive he would have kicked the field goal up three. The cards are at Seattle. And this is another do not bet list game.

I have the cards by two over the Seahawks house. Totally agree. I'll say cards by one and a half. All right. Simmons and I split it. It's two and a half. I said, maybe that's what makes sense.

What's the score, Sal? We only have a couple of games left. One, two, three for me, two for house, four,

five for me, two for House, three for you. Okay. Let's go. I'm getting this week. We're going. You need House. House is like your secret weapon. You come back every week, House. We need you.

Only if there's Brejoes. The poopfecta. We have two games. One is an AFC South encounter between the Jags and the Colts. It is taking place in Indianapolis. The Colts, I think are the worst two and three team of at least the last five years.

I literally cannot believe they're two and three. They should be 0-5. It is the Chiefs-Colts game. I still can't believe they won that game. And then last week was a whole other level. They are an 0-5 team with a 2-3 record. No, 2-2-1. They tied the Texans.

Another game they should have lost. Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah, they're 2-2-1. Oh, my God. I have the Jags favored by three in Indianapolis. No way. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances.

I have the Colts by two and a half. You're going to get it. I said Col Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. I have the Colts by two and a half. You're going to get it. I said Colts by three and a half. It's one and a half. House gets it. That's stupid.

Yeah. Just listen. The Colts are terrible. Make every home team in the South a three-point favorite against the other. Just do it.

Don't even worry about it anymore. I'm going to see if I can lose money in the Jags for three weeks in a row. The Jags, aren't they 0-17 on the road or 1-17 in the last 18? You have to give them three.

I don't understand. Travis, at the end, feel free to just catch balls and pull them near your chest and then run after. Your first round draft pick. Great pick. The Bucs are in Pittsburgh. I went too low. I first round draft pick. Great pick. The Bucs are in Pittsburgh. I went too low. I'm going to go higher on this.

I have the Bucs favored by eight in Pittsburgh house. I'm just going to say ten. It's got to be double digit. Damn it, Simmons. I said eight and a half. It is seven and a half. You get it, Simmons. Seven and a half.

Now it's five to four to three. What color will Brady's hair be? That's the thing that will help. The Bucs have been mildly alarming this season. Now, you could argue that come November, we'll be like, ah, you knew they would bring it around. But they beat Dallas week one,

beat New Orleans week two, lose to Green Bay by two, which looks worse now because Green Bay's looked like crap the last two weeks, lose to KC by 10, and then barely beat Atlanta, who really had no skill position, guys,

other than the first round pick, London. Yeah. I'm with you. I think they're going to grind. I think they're going to grind. I think they're going to have to grind all year. It's not going to come easy. Sunday night.

Come on. Eagles. Home. For the Dallas Cowboys. I'm going to stick with my original guess. House, you go first. I'm going to say Eagles by four. I have Eagles against the Ewing Theory Cowboys

by six. Wow. Simmons gets it. It's five and a half. I said four and a half. Oh. That's high. I don't care what you guys say.

That's high. I agree the Rams gave them six demolished them but the Rams aren't good this is my point the Eagles are actually good they're going to be flying around it's going to be a hard game

they should have lost today alright we got one more Simmons and I have five and Hal says three you can't catch us, Hal. That's fine. I'm stuck in the middle seat as usual. He's going to have seven more Bajals. He's fine.

When was the last time McCarthy had a bad McCarthy game? Week one? I thought this was going to be it. I predicted all week. I was like, that's what we haven't seen the first month. He's going to screw something up in the last two minutes in a winnable game. But it hasn't come down to it because the defense

has been so good. Monday night. Chargers-Broncos in LA. We can't flex this. When do we get to start flexing? No, this is fun. The Broncos are fun TV. Come on. But this is four primetime

games to the Broncos in six weeks. That's outrageous. I could have told you Russ wasn't going to be that good. Four primetime games to the Broncos in six weeks. That's outrageous. I could have told you Ross wasn't going to be that good. Four primetime games. I have a counter. What TV show has been funnier in 2022 than the Broncos? The Daniel Hackett show? That's true.

Is there a funnier comedy than the Broncos? I'm trying to think. Are there funny comedies anymore? I don't know. Is Veep still on? You're right. Veep is not on. I have the Chargers favored by five and a half against the Broncos.

The Chargers are home against the Broncos. It's a division game. I like them by six. Okay. Sal? House and I split, and so I win. I had seven. He had six.

It's six and a half. Yes. Thank you, House. Wait, why do you win? House and I each get one for that. When you split, you get one. Oh, your weird scoring system. Oh, come on.

It's not a win. It's a split. Six, five, four. 15 years. The skins roll over to the next skin. I should change the scoring like they did the concussion protocol. This is how we've done it. Six, five, four. Skins roll over to the next skin. I should change the scoring like they did

the concussion protocol. This is how we've done it. I have a Broncos fan question because Denver is not that far away from LA, right?

And it's, hey, we'll go to LA. The Broncos are playing Monday night. We'll do a weekend trip. We'll stay in there and then we'll go to the game.

We'll see our guys guys we'll wear our Wilson jerseys we just bought do you cancel the trip what do you do interesting nah you don't cancel it oh well they would they do it for a Monday Monday games they never have fans it doesn't matter the Chargers so maybe you go but you don't wear the

Wilson jersey you break out like the Drew Luck jersey. Cortland Sutton? Cortland Sutton, whatever. Do you think, we were talking this week, do the Chargers wish they were back in a soccer stadium? Could it have been that much worse?

Like, they shouldn't have 40,000 people rooting against you. I think if I were them, I wouldn't have left San Diego. You're the Clippers in a city that doesn't even really care about going to football games. There's no way this was a better outcome for them. Why did the league step in, buy the team from the cheapo, dumb, dumb owner, and put it back in San Diego where it belongs? I don't know. To answer, Simmons, I asked you a question. I don't know. To answer Simmons,

he asked you a question. I don't know. San Diego should have a team. It doesn't make sense. Yeah. Wait, before we do parent corner, Sal. Yeah.

Not to step on your against all odds podcast, but Astros minus 225 against the Mariners. Hmm. Who do you like? I'm going,

I think it's a little high, but the Astros, the Mariners are like 24-2 in one run games. So we never know what to do with that stat, right? Does that mean they're a good team? Or does that mean they're full of shit? Or they're well coached? Or what? But I'm going to say Astros win that.

Yeah, I mean the same thing. Why would you go against the Astros? I think that line is too high. Seattle's lineup is not that great despite the 10 runs. Toronto's bullpen was garbage. Yankees, Guardians, I like the Yankees. The Yankees are minus T20. I'm upset.

That Guardians team, yeah, they're like 25 and 6 this month over the last 31,32 games. I like that team. Well, I hope you're right. I certainly wouldn't bet on the Yankees. Well, you know the National League more, so we got Braves minus 186 against the Phillies.

Yeah, they kind of just have their number. I would go Braves. No upsets in the National League for me. Dodgers over Padres and Braves. Dodgers minus 220. Yeah, they own the Padres. Dodgers, Padres and Braves. Dodgers minus 220. Yeah. They own the Padres. Dodgers, Padres, everyone's trying to get that going as a rivalry.

And it just couldn't get going. And then Tatis goes out for 80 games. Yeah. So I'm trying to think on paper, you could have Dodgers, Braves, Yankees, Astros as the final four, which would be pretty great. But we know that's how baseball,

they always have the one party crasher, which will definitely be either the Mariners or the Guardians. I'm close with a front office guy in Major League Baseball. He says that they don't want the Astros anymore. They want them out of there. They would rather, yeah. It can't work this way, but they would rather have had the Guardians.

But now the Guardians, it can't work that way, but they've had have had the Guardians. But now the Guardians, it can't work that way. But they've had enough of the Astros. Too much stink on that team. They're certainly fun to root against. All right, let's do Parent Corner. Today's Parent Corner is brought to you by Simply Safe Home Security. A lot has changed since I was a teenager when kids had an easier time flying under their parents' radar. I'm from the generation where we just came home from school and our parents were at work and we just killed four to five hours. Our parents had

no idea what we were doing. Now we have smartphones, we have modern technology, all this stuff to keep our kids safer. We complain about it, but guess what? It's pretty good. It's better than leaving your kids alone for five hours. SimpliSafe's advanced security technology gives your family the best of both worlds. 24-7 protection and independence, like video doorbell and HD security cameras that let you keep an eye on the kids playing in the yard through the SimpliSafe app. All right, Sal, parent corner, you're on the clock.

All right, so, you know, like your world, mine is dominated now by high school football and Friday nights. And we're good. My son is a senior playing defensive end. They're five and one. They lose 40 to 14 to this team, who is just a complete team. Seven, seven late in the first quarter, but they lose 40 to 14. And I just, this parent corner is about other parents who are just out of control. I think more out of control than ever. And our team has only a few, but they feed off of each other and they try to be encouraging, but they say things like, guys, we're losing the battle up front. Is that acceptable to you? Like it always ends in a question and they're screaming it from like, we want to be proud of your play at the end of the night, don't you? I feel like they expect the guys to break the huddle and answer them like, yeah, I think you're right. We could do a little more.

They really become part of the show and it gets me mad. And then there's a couple that just scream at the refs for every single play. Every single play went against us because the refs have a vendetta against us. And they'll be like, 78's holding there, ref. I'm like, no, 78's up against my kid. He's not holding. I would have been saying it. I don't even think he's being held. But the worst is when they're putting down kids that aren't theirs.

They'll point out like, oh, that's three drops for you, Paul. And I look back and I go, that's not even Paul's father. Shut up. What are you doing? So I think parents need to calm down a little. I think this is why God gave us COVID because he didn't want us to be outdoors for a while, but no one learned their lesson. In fact, they got worse. So I don't know if anyone could hear me, but just calm down. You're a kid's football game, even if they're 16 and 17. I know they're not eight and nine, but enough. You're not the show. Do you hear this too?

You must hear this. Listen, bitching about somebody else's kid that's on your team, to me, that's like the third rail. I would actually say something if that was near me. You can't do that. Yeah. No, it's awful. It's awful. You could mutter under your breath to your spouse

about one of the kids, but you can't say it out loud. That's all it is, is muttering. That's all you should be doing is muttering and stomping your feet if you want to make some noise. Football parents are bad, but I still think baseball parents are the worst from what I've seen, having gone

through all the different sports. I think the baseball, there's just too much spare time in the baseball. And it's very easy to think you know every aspect of what's going on. There's all these dumb things to complain about. And it just sucks. It's a bad vibe. I was so glad when Ben stopped playing baseball. It was one of the greatest decisions he ever made. I fully support it. House, what do you have for Parent Corner? I have a slightly different

kind of experience. Have either one of you guys ever been to a Renaissance Fair? Do you even know what this is? So in Maryland, there is this giant fairgrounds that is only open from the end of August through like October, maybe into early November.

It's open on the weekends and 15,000 or more people come to this 30 acre plot of land, the center of which has a giant like jousting pavilion and people sit around but my kid is 12 so he was kind of intrigued by like the middle earth idea he still likes swords he's still you know he's like he's a he's a genuine tween i just want to say i was surprised by the experience this thing the folks that attend this people of all ages really go out and it is in many respects I mean maybe I haven't got out enough

maybe this goes to the COVID thing an opportunity for people to really dress up i saw a lot of very provocatively dressed middle-aged but like middle earth kind of costumes out and about what's going on right now i i don't know this is why i started asking was this like a swingers convention i'm befuddled by the entire thing there were men dressed up i'll show you a lot of it looked like a raiders game there were a lot of men dressed up like they we were at you know uh the old oakland raiders or now vegas you know with the armor and the body and face paint and and had their hair pulled back hold on i have a question i have a question

was anyone playing backgammon no i don't know then i don't want to hear about the old backgammon pavilion maybe maybe i i don't know but i hadn't experienced this before i'm glad that my kid dragged dragged us out for it it was a slice of life I might not have otherwise encountered. And if you were a creepy person with a cell phone, there's a lot of opportunities to go down that path if you want. I'm not that kind of person.

But it was very, very outside of my walk of life. That's the way I'll put it. Is it weird I have a boner right now? I'm telling you, the Renaissance Festival. I'm going to leave the Zoom and you guys can be alone. Yeah, dim the lights, Kyle. Who knew the Renaissance Festival was...

I'm going to find some pictures and send them to you guys. I did not take any pictures. Yeah, I want to see some pictures. I'm sure people post them on the Facebook and everywhere else. That's how he's pouring search tonight in his hotel room. The middle seat lounge. My parent corner. I went to my daughter's soccer game today,

which was, I timed it. I had the red zone on my phone and the Pats game. And I really did feel like I had, her game was at like about half time of the early game. So I felt like I was able to, I knew what was going on. But I drove her to the game like we used to. This is her last year playing for a club team.

And I was thinking about, you know, we've been, she's been doing soccer, I think like, I don't know, maybe 11 years, 12 years, something like that. And we'd drive to these games and she would have all these different phases where, you know, the early ones,

she'd be all hyped up to go. And we'd talk about like, all right, don't forget, try to walk through the things she'd have to do during the game or then games where she'd be nervous. And we played music to try to get her to calm down. We used to play a lot of Kanye ironically, to hype music, things like that. And then she would have these little funks when she hurt her back or some other times when you had these ebbs and flows when your kid plays sports, when you try to play these music and we'd be driving the last five minutes and I'd keep her legs moving. I'd tell her all these different things. And now she's got to the point, she's a senior in high school and she's just really good at soccer. She's in good shape. I don't really need to have to tell

her anything. And we drove to the game and I didn't, we were just, I was listening to football and she had her headphones on and pulled up and I was like, all right, keep your legs moving. And she's like, all right, dad, and just went out and played the game and had to assist. And I just, my work is done, Sal. I took her to the finish line. I got nothing left. No more car advice. We're done. And even if you did, the earbuds win over everything else. It's so hard to get them out of those kids' ears, right? So, yeah.

That's it. I feel like I did my job. I took her to the finish line. Let's all just head to the Renaissance Fair. Good. Do not take her to the Renaissance Fair. Definitely not doing that. All right.

That's it for Parent Corner. Today's Parent Corner is brought to you by SimpliSafe Home Security. When it comes to protecting your family, no parent wants to play small. With SimpliSafe's 24-7 professional monitoring and exclusive Fast Protect technology, agents can take immediate action

to verify your emergency for a faster police response and you're always in control of your family's safety through the SimpliSafe app. Arm or disarm, unlock for a guest, access your cameras, adjust system settings anywhere, anytime. When you sign up for 24-7 interactive monitoring for under $1 a day, you can get your first month free and save 20% on your home security system. Customize the perfect system at simplisafe.com. There is no safe like SimpliSafe. All right, Sal, what do you got to plug?

Yeah, the Extra Points Podcast Network powered by Omaha Audio and Against All Odds, Minus Three, Covered in Glory, Megan Fun of Sports, Waiver Wired, whole bunch of good stuff going on there. Check it out. What do you got to put, Cass? I'm here with you.

We're going to pump out 15 hours of NBA content. The East Coast Bias Boys will be up with gambling advice both tomorrow, Monday for the Monday Night Game, and Tuesday. I'm going to have to miss that because we're doing this NBA stuff. You might have to do it. We know where I'm taking him tomorrow, Sal.

Where are you going? I don't know if you make yourself available. Bianco Pizza. He's never had real Bianco Pizza. He's only had it ordered. Flown in. So I have to take him. What time are you going? I may have to dive. Early afternoon.

Let's go, Bianco. And for the listeners, if you want Sal to buy you a piece of pizza, come at 1.30. Well, that's not good. Now everybody knows. No, no, no. We're going at some point tomorrow because he somehow never had the magical Bianco pizza. Wow.

You're going to fall in love. I can't wait. You're going to love it. You know, I don't want to spoil this, but I think Bianco is going to buy the Suns. Why do you say that? He's going to buy the Suns. Why do you say that? He's going to be the majority owner of the Phoenix Suns. That's what I heard. He got rich off the pizza.

He has. He spent the last 20 years. He has all these like, you know, rich guys in Phoenix that he's been feeding that love him. Right. And they're just going to put a group together and make him the GM. Well,

we were there. Kevin Johnson was there when we were there. Listen, I don't know. Don't be surprised if Bianco's not running the draft next year. Kevin Johnson. Making people pizza. Kevin Johnson's at the Renaissance Fair now. All right.

Sal, good job by you. House, good job by you. Good to see you guys. Good job by you, Billy. All right. That's it for the podcast. Thanks to Cousin Sal. Thanks to Joe House.

Thanks to Kyle Creighton for producing. Thanks to Steve Cerruti and Dylan Berkey as well. I will see you on Tuesday for the extravaganza, the over-unders pod. It's happening. Multi-parts, lots of hours, lots of NBA stuff. I cannot wait. Cannot wait. I cannot wait. Cannot wait. I cannot wait.

See you Tuesday. On the wayside On the first side of the river I'm saying I don't have to ever