The Bill Simmons Podcast - The Annual AFC Over/Unders With Cousin Sal | The Bill Simmons Podcast

Episode Date: August 29, 2019

In Part 1 of their two-part podcast, Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal gear up for the 2019 NFL regular season by running through each team in the AFC and talking odds, sleepers, parlays, Parent Corner, and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's very special AFC over-unders edition of the Bill Simmons podcast is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Having a high sports IQ is important. Unless you're us trying to win money in football, where usually we don't. But normally it's very important. When it comes to hiring, you don't need a higher hiring IQ. You just need ZipRecruiter. They send your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards with one click. So effective.

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I am on there doing NFC over-unders, and you can listen to this and then that or vice versa. Whatever you want to do. We don't judge you. Listen both at the same time. We're also brought to you by the rewatchables that we don't allow Sal on. Yeah, what the hell? He's never been on one. Yeah.

You're really upset. You weren't on Do the Right Thing. How many do you have to do? Sal's Pizza. How many of these have you done already? I know. When we get to 100, I was going to bring that. Radio Raheem.

Oh, I could have talked forever about it. No. I never knew. Never would have guessed that was one of your movies. You're in for the Goodfellas one. I am so in. It's going to be me, you, Fantasy, and Chris, and we're going to go for three hours. I may not leave the studio now just to wait for that.

Just to make sure you're in? Yeah. Coming up, we are going to do AFC over-unders. It's time. Our 13th season together. Coming up right after our friends from Pro Gym. All right, the Cuz is here in studio. We're doing this. 13 years, really?

I know. Wow. I can't believe it. I'm going to start this on a little bit of a downer. What happened? Guy J. Lovinger died, who was my first page two editor. Quick story, just because this is how crazy life is. So 2001, I decided I can't do my own site anymore.

The Boston Herald is offering me the chance to go beyond a paywall but bring my site over to them. I think it was for like $45,000 a year, something like that. It wasn't a lot, but it was benefits. And I was like, oh, finally benefits. I wanted to get married to my wife, all that stuff. But I had been writing a couple pieces for ESPN, and I told the ESPN guys, if I do this Herald thing,

I'm probably not going to be able to write for you guys. So they were like, hold on, hold on. Jay Lovinger, Kevin Jackson, they go into John Walsh's office. They're like, we got to hire this guy. Convinced them to hire me. So I ended up going to ESPN instead. Fork in the road moment for me. Nice.

But he was a good guy. He was a really good editor. And I was a pain in the ass back then. No. When you got to know me, I was not a pain in the ass. Really? It was before? In the Kimmel Live.

Yeah, I think by Kimmel I had it figured out. But back then I was definitely like, I'd never really been edited by somebody before. I was always like fighting with them for stuff. And I look back now, like if I was managing that guy, I would have been fucking killing that person but he was a really good editor he was a good guy

he he was in charge of a lot of different really good writers that passed through ESPN, he was at Life Magazine he had a really good career so anyway I want to give a shout out to him because he just threw me a bone there

way back when there you go so there we go all right so afc over-unders here we go every year we we say take the over with the patriots and bet on them to win the division we We're going to do the AFC East first. 11 and a half, which I think has been the over-under for what? All 13 years that we've done this. Probably. Since 2004? Even. Even odds.

Division minus 450 to win the conference plus 350 to win the Super Bowl 7-1. Playoffs minus 850. Do you want to do your parlay bet now? I think, well, there's no sense of doing playoffs minus 850 when you go 450 to win the division, and they're expected to win the division by 3.5 games.

But the 11.5, it's interesting because especially with all these perennial double-digit win teams, Patriots could very well be 11-4 home against Miami, and that game might not mean anything. It feels like it's happening for half our life we've been in that situation. That's it. So I would go over, but be careful because that could be the scenario looking there. I like the Patriots everywhere else.

They've gone over their projected win total in 13 of 18 seasons. be the scenario looking there and i like the patriots everywhere else they're there they've gone over their projected win total in 13 of 18 seasons 13 of 18 seasons they've gone over a inflated number as it was in that brady belichick area six era 16 straight seasons double digit wins well last year was it was a disappointing year for us. Only 11 wins. Lowest total of the decade. They should be ashamed. I mean, there was a mitigating factor. They won the Super Bowl, which I guess some people care about.

Do people remember that though? For us, it was like the 12-win streak was over. I was upset about that. But yeah, so the decade, 14, 13, 12, 12, 12, 12, 14, 13, 11. And this is the final year of the decade. You're not going to believe this, Sal, but I like the over. And I actually really like this Patriots team. Last year, it was one of those, well, if this guy, receiver short, it's draft, and I just love their draft.

Well, even this year, the receiver short thing, everyone's like, oh, they're in trouble. Gronk is gone. And who else did they lose? And then Josh Gordon comes back like, this could be the best receiving core they've had in a decade. Right. And the rookie receivers, Myers and Harry.

Is Harry going to be on the field? I don't know. He might not play that much. I think Myers actually probably took a spot. Dorsett's back. It's a really unique wide receiving core for them. Chris Hogan couldn't get open last year. You lose Hogan, you lose Patterson.

No, who also couldn't get open. Patterson was basically out there to run reverses and quick passes, but those guys couldn't actually get open. They have guys who can get open this year. Flash is the wild card. I tried to rig the flash season i bought nephew kyle flash gordon jersey oh he's gonna be wearing it all season is that his guy um for a variety of reasons he loves watching him um he feels like they would hang out in the dark room together potentially right he would be talking flash out of like no

don't do that come on come on we on. We got to go, Flash. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just have a beer instead. Yeah, no, no. One last. We're not going to that one last part. You're going home. You got a game tomorrow.

I have something for Flash if you want to do player props is comeback player of the year. Flash is plus 450. Now, do they give it to a guy who just kind of sat out or do you have to? I don't know what the process is anymore. I saw those ads. Plus 450 seemed kind of low. So it's Garoppolo and Le'Veon are the favorites. I saw that.

Plus 450 for Gordon. I don't know. You're not going to believe this, but I have an opinion on this. Go ahead. Cooper Cup, 18-1. Oh, that's fun. That's a fun one. Torn ACL, that counts as a comeback.

Right. All the reports say he's faster and stronger and better than ever. The other one I kind of liked was Fournette at 25-1. Are we writing off Fournette? What's going on here? Because I actually am going the other way, and I could see him having a good year and maybe having a— Oh, man, you know who's awesome?

Leonard Fournette. The sharp fantasy guys kind of like him. 25-1 just seems high. That's pretty good. There's a world where he goes for 1,300 yards and 12 TDs. Do the people who vote for these things like him? What was he throwing? I almost sense that they dislike him.

But 25 to 1, I thought, was high. That's pretty good odds. But Flash Gordon plus 450, that would mean he would have to play at least 14 games. If he does that, God bless America, that would be amazing. What's amazing is you got Michael Bennett for nothing. I know. I know he's older, but he has seven more sacks or more sacks in six or seven years.

Can you see him being a force? You've never had like a – not that you've never had, but this could turn everything around. Like the Patriots, it's the same thing every year. This defense is terrible. They gave up 31 to the Chiefs. Defense isn't terrible this year. How are they going to do this in January?

Yeah, I feel like you've solved that riddle. When they took the Michigan rookie, everyone who follows college football and hates the Patriots was immediately furious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Immediately furious. As you know, I don't watch college football. Right.

I'm like, whoa, is this good? They're like, everything you liked about Gronk, you're getting it again. Only he's on defense. Beautiful, long, luscious locks of hair. He's going to be good right away. You're going to love him. Yeah. Needless to say, I love him.

He's been the star of the preseason. I hate this already. You're going to win everything. Bennett's been great. And I got to say, this might be the best secondary they've had. Loaded. Loaded. I like this team. Let me knock

you off a little bit. Lance Kendricks, BD, Patrick Chung, cocaine. All right. Let's go on. Who's next, Chaps? How many seconds do I have to defend Patrick Chung? Zero. Go. How many seconds? What are you going to say? They came into his Zero. Go. How many seconds? What are you going to say? They came into his house.

Yeah. That's why everyone keeps- There was cocaine in the house. Nobody knows if it was his cocaine. First of all, where's your search warrant? Oh, look at you. Look at Mark Argos over here. All right.

So you have some- Let's say Harry comes to visit you you and the police get called to your house and Harry, Harry's doing rails. He got fired up from Goodfellas. He's doing rails on your living room table and there, and then leaves to go get Popeye's fried chicken. Yeah.

And the police come in, they break in lots of cocaine on the table and they're like, Oh, Sal has cocaine. Right. I'm just saying it's a little flimsy. You think Harry would go out for chicken after the cocaine i don't know i don't want to judge him before um yeah so patriots over

everything i really like this team this year and i actually think 13 and 3 is in play let me ask factor we did not mention yet the one who could fuck this up tom brady he's 42 years old yeah let's we're just penciling him in like he's great. Let's see any bit of drop off. I know the NBA center at 36 gets old and there's a quick shelf there that falls, but I don't see anything with Brady dropping

off. Why would we? At some point it's going to happen. I just don't think it's going to be this year, but that would be the turd in the punch bowl part of this season would be Tom Brady suddenly being 42 years old and the rookie stidum is not ready yet. Let me ask you this.

Brian Hoyer, don't really want to see him this year at all. If you talk about value, though, and barring a Brady meltdown, 7-1 to win the Super Bowl, okay? Why don't we have money on it? Like I said, they're expected to win this division by a 3.5 game. So let's say they win 11. They get a bye. They'll probably get a bye if you look at the other divisions.

So now you're one. What are their odds after getting a bye? 3, 3.5 to 1? What are you asking them to do? I just don't think their odds are ever going to be worse than 7-1. they're going to be half in a matter of a month or two like what chain of events has to happen for those odds to go down like you said um do you want to go through their schedule really quick yeah it's terrible like they had four losses for me no playoff teams all right pittsburgh not a playoff team but what those first eight games, there's no playoff team.

Well, some people don't realize Bob Craft pays rent on Gillette Stadium and the Steelers. Is that right? Yeah. He sends a check to the Maroonies every year. Son of a bitch. He's writing some questionable checks. Pittsburgh at Miami, the worst team in the league.

Yeah. Getting out that – questionable checks. The at Miami week two would normally scare me if they weren't the worst team in the league. Right. But that's like the classic 101 degrees. Right. Brady throws two picks in the first half.

And you're coming off that terrible loss at Miami. It's not like they're going to sneak up on them, that lateral at the end of the game. Yeah, that's not happening. At Jets week three. I'm sorry, home Jets week three. I'm not sure if you're familiar with this, but the Jets aren't very good. They haven't won at Gillette. I know this game's not at Gillette.

In 11 years. At Buffalo, week four. I mean, this is comical. At Washington, week five. At the New York Giants, week six. At the New York Jets, week seven. That feels like seven and oh. At Baltimore, at Philly, at Houston.

Home against Kansas City. I'm just saying, those are the, at Houston. Well, no. Home against Kansas City. I'm just saying, those are the four games you have to worry about. You'll probably win two. Well, they have home for Cleveland week eight. Yeah. Which is probably their first hard to semi-hard game in six weeks. Right.

And then at Baltimore and NBC the next week. It gets tough for the second half of the year because the toughest games are crammed. Cleveland atveland at baltimore bi-week at philly yeah home dallas at houston home case november early december but then the last three at cincy home buffalo home miami that's fucking cream well that's why yeah so let well maybe they went 13 games i'm telling you i think 13 and 3 this year so here's a player prop i like we've won six six Super Bowls. I looked it up. Shut up. No, I googled how many Super Bowls for the Patriots and the answer was six. I don't think it's that many. That's ridiculous. It wouldn't be that many. If it were that

many, why would Bill Belichick be 14 and one for coach of the year? Why aren't you outraged that he's not coach of the year? He's never going to win. Is it because I don't understand. I know it's because the playoffs. People don't respect legends. Well, it's a regular season vote, first of all. Right.

So it has to be someone like the Bears coach won last year. It has to be someone who jumps up to 11 wins from nothing. Or Andy Reid because that's his consolation prize for never being able to win a Super Bowl. Yeah, that's it. It's like I've got nine Coach of the Year trophies. That's it. But I'm going to make a case for this. I'm going to put money on it because

he did win a couple times, Belichick. I can't even remember when. You're not going to go there, are you? You're going to say Belichick, Coach of the Year? It's kind of like LeBron. They have to give it to him at some point again. They spaced it out. 2010, I think he gets it again. If he wins like 13,

14 games, give it to him again. 14-1, but also, I'm going to coach of the year and first coach fired at 150-1. He's going to be tied into this Patrick Chung thing, you'll see. They're going to have to let him go. So I'm betting both.

Coach of the year. We don't know whose cocaine it was, Sal. So at gunpoint, even before we do the over-unders for the next three, which team do you like second most in the AFC East? I like the Jets and Bills at 8-8.

Because there's some momentum for both teams as kind of sleeper-ish, but not totally sleepery. Right. Jets are fun. The Jets are like the Browns of the AFC East. They have the nice shiny toys and everything, except they keep their mouth shut, you know?

So maybe they can do enough to sneak up on you. I like that 8-8. What's their over-under? Are we going right to the Jets here? Seven and a half, right? So it's Buffalo Jets week one, and i feel like the winner of that game it's in uh it's in it's a home jets jets yep the winner of that game becomes the team that might go eight and eight in the afcs or nine and seven even maybe but uh well you could take it a

step further they're home for cleveland the second week the jets and that's you know you win both of those and you're kind of knocking out a couple of those here's what i don't get buffalo buffalo the over under six and a half minus 200 because so there's been a lot of action on that minus 200 is as high as you'll get they won't move that to seven but right and then the jets are seven and a half i'm with you i felt i felt like those two are pretty even i'm not sure what the jets did to earn the extra win in the over under right what's so like are they a win better than buffalo just blind i feel like those teams are pretty even yeah i think you're right well the jets below 500 teams jets won four games last year and the bills

won six so yeah to to reverse that so much. People are high on Sam Darnold, which I don't totally see. Are we doing the Jets? Let me just read you this on Sam Darnold. I got 7.5 for them, division 6-1, conference 4-1, to make the playoffs minus 250. Yeah, 85 for Super Bowl. Rookie quarterbacks to throw more interceptions than Darnold

in the last 30 seasons. Only four. Peyton Manning, Troy Aikman, Andrew Luck, and Cam Newton. Those are pretty good names. Those are Hall of Famers or should be Hall of Famers. Which means, yeah, just zing it. Just find a guy in a different color jersey and throw it to him. That's a recipe to get to Canton. Right there.

Give me... Figure it out, Sam Donald. The fantasy guy in the Jets you'd be the happiest with. Aside from Le'Veon Bell? Is that who you'd go with? Yeah, because if you look at his numbers in his full seasons, he's right around 1,300 yards. And he's got fresh legs, sat out.

They're fresher, right? This could work out. This really could work out for them. I feel like he gets lumped in with Antonio Brown unfairly, but this could be a nice little offense for him. I know what you're saying. There's Quincy and other than that. So you think it's more likely he's good again versus him being completely disappointment and people wondering, oh, man, it's hard to take a year off when you're a running back.

It's probably 50-50, but 17-1 to win the rushing title. And like I said, if he's around 1,300 yards like he's been in full seasons, not bad. Well, he's off to a good start because after they traded for him, it came out the coach didn't want him, and they ended up firing the GM. Right. That was good. It's always good to know your coach didn't want you

and was feuding with your GM after they had you. How did Pittsburgh keep this a secret between Antonio Brown and Le'Veon Bell? These guys are such head cases for all these years. I don't think the Brown thing was a secret. Really? You didn't know Antonio Brown was loony? He missed the last game of the season? No, I know, but years before that.

I don't know how they did it. It seems like he was a recent loon. I like the Jets. I think... I don't love Gase. I think he can get away in the way of a good team here a little bit. But I still say A.K. I like Gase for a while because of the whole Peyton Manning QB whisper thing.

Right. We have no evidence at all that he's a good coach. Right. There's nothing to point to other than when he was at Miami, he had bad luck with his rosters and stuff. Right. Yeah. So he might be a good coach, but we just don't have any evidence that he is.

Maybe. To me, Buffalo is more realistic to be the 8-8 team. They're over under 6.5, plus 325 to make the playoffs, plus 800 for the division, 6-1 conference, 110-1 for the Super Bowl. I like the Josh Allen stats the last six, seven weeks of the year. Right. And I don't know.

They were a little bit frisky to me. They had all the different running backs to have. Like one of those guys wound up being good. It won't be somebody that is drafted high in a fantasy team, but one of those guys wound up being good. It's Gore. It's Yeldon. It's McCoy.

Who's the rookie they have? Yeah, so I think they're Singletary from Florida Atlantic. Oh, but that's a guy under 300 yards. That's the sleeper guy, though. The guy he had all that pretty... He's like this year's Lindsey, potentially. He could be, yeah. It's crowded backfield, but they could do it. That offense just wasn't

great. They just had... It's always the same story. A defense only allowed like 14 touchdown passes, but the offense is under 300 yards a game, right? They're like 30th. They have a ways to go with that. They got John Brown and Beasley. Beasley wasn't a good fit for Dak Prescott, I don't think.

But maybe he works out for Buffalo. I have him right at eight wins. That's a good over. But you have to lay a lot big vig there, right? So I feel like I have to pick one or the other. Either Buffalo going seven and nine. You don't have to. Or the Jets going 7-9. You don't have to. Or the Jets going 8-8.

Why do you have to do that? I'm going to go under on the Jets and over on Buffalo. Well, it's funny. You're going under Jets over Buffalo. They play the first game of the season and the last game of the season. Yeah. I think Buffalo gets to 7-9. I think the Jets are 7-9.

And they can just be 7-9 together. Look at Thanksgiving on at Dallas, Baltimore, at Pittsburgh, at New England. Tough for Buffalo. Tough. Better get off to a good start. Team that's not going to is the Dolphins, though. God, why don't we have more money in the Pats to win the AFC?

What are we doing? More than what? I mean, the AFC is... Yeah. What are we doing? Minus 450? So we put that with the Rams to win their division minus 280? What does that got to do? The Rams are less than that. Rams are 280 to make the playoffs.

The Rams are 140 to win the division. Rams minus 140 with Pats minus 450 is what? We're in the plus, I think, then. Yeah, for sure. Oh, man. You're going to fucking do it to me again. Division parlays. No, I got a better. After I for sure. Oh, man. You're going to fucking do it to me again. Division parlays. No, I got a better.

After I promised you no division parlays. You know, I like the not make the playoff parlay better. You know that. I like Cincinnati, Miami, Washington, Giants. I think you've lost that every single year. Of course, yeah. Because a team like the freaking Buffalo Bills jumps up out of nowhere. Yeah, I'm definitely not doing that with you.

All right. Football is a really dumb sport. The Dolphins, we could say at, what, four and a half wins? Probably not going to make the playoffs. Four and a half? That's low. Chosen Rosen? Nothing?

That is really low. I'm kind of stunned that Brian Flores, new coach, everyone has just assumed that's the worst team. I was even looking at the worst team in the league odds. Yeah, I think you can get better odds on some teams. Two to one? Right. Cardinals six to one. better odds on some teams. They're 2-1. Right. Cardinals 6-1.

Raiders 8-1. Raiders 6-1. Redskins 6-1. Bengals 8-1. The Bengals are my team there. Giants 12-1. Tampa 15-1. How dare they?

I have them as my NFC South champ. Buffalo 18-1. Jets 18-1. I think that it worked out with the Rosen thing. Rosen fits magic. They'll figure that out. Bengals 8-1 is kind of tasty. Yeah, that's the one I like.

I'm going to convince you to do that. Okay. Well, let's go to that division because we both love that division except for the Bengals. All right. So we don't have anything to say about Dolphins? We're going – I mean, can they win five games? Oh, I forgot to do their numbers.

Four and a half over under, 100-1 division, conference 150, Super Bowl 300-1, and then playoffs 8-1. When you have 100-1 to win the division but 150 to win the conference, something's up. I got to say, to not make the playoffs that were minus 1,600, I don't think I've ever seen a number that high. That is very high. We must have seen it with the Browns, but I don't think they'd screw around.

When you stare in the Patriots' face, a team that doesn't play a varsity team until Week 9, yeah, that's what's going to happen. I'd have to go under. Under? Under 4.5? It's so low, it just seems like it's taunting me. I have them at five. I have the Patriots over. Bills and Jets over.

The problem for them is they're not going to win their token Pats game because the Pats will be ready for them. Well, somehow they have a second-place schedule. They're at the Colts, which doesn't seem as daunting anymore, against the Chargers. But they should be 0-4 entering the bye. Hey, here's an insider travel secret from Hotel Tonight. There are tons of empty hotel rooms out there

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Go to hoteltonight.com or download the app to unlock your daily drop. AFC North Cleveland is over nine, division plus 150, conference plus 650, Super Bowl 15 to 1. I thought that was weird. And then to make the playoffs minus one 35 to not make the playoffs plus one Oh five. This team is driving me crazy already. I did this with Dallas.

I'm doing it again. I have them at exactly nine. Really? Yeah. You're doing that. That's what I mean. Well, it was a year ago when they were struggling to open her fridge to get a win. Remember that?

Like, why? Why is everyone penciling them in? Okay, you talk me into it. I'm going over. I'm going under. You're going under. Yeah, go under. Why are they nine?

So they were seven, eight, and one. Like, do we trust Freddie Kitchens so much? Who cares about this guy? It was their defense that was 30th in the league. Let Baker throw all the touchdowns he wants. Freddie Kitchens on hard knocks last year was like the equivalent of one of the Goodfellas side characters. Like who's Maury, the guy who comes up? Right.

It was like, oh, he's adorable, Freddie Kitchens. Exactly. That's our new head coach. What? What's his name? Called him an idiot. Baker called him an idiot on hard knocks, remember? So, I don't know.

It seems like everything's too good. Beckham. I think it's not going to add up. So here's the case for it. Go ahead. Nick Chubb being awesome, which I'm already on record. I love Nick Chubb. I love all the Nick Chubb bets.

But if he's good right away and then Odell has the 2007 Randy Moss resurgence season, not that he wasn't good last year, but finally being with a good QB. Right. It just seems like a lot of people are on Baker right now. Including myself. I'm going back to where I was initially. I think they win nine games.

I'm not letting you shit on me. You're falling in love with the offense. They're going to have a lot of 31-28, 38-35 games. They were like 30th in the league in yards allowed last year 28th and rushing yards allowed i know they they picked up you know sheldon richardson and vernon and i they i think there's a lot still going on with that team i like the field the field over the brown simmons at minus 175 you can make that bet what does that mean the division Anyone else in the division?

Pittsburgh, Baltimore? You know them. They beat the hell out of each other every year. I could have Baltimore or Pittsburgh for minus 175. Really? You're not going to lose that bet until week 17 anyway, right? You could get out of it. Ah, fuck it.

Let's go through the schedule. Home, Tennessee, they're 1-0. Yeah. At the Jets. That's a big game. This is the same team. All right. So if they're good, they win that game.

Home, Rams. So they could be 1-2 coming out of the gate. At Baltimore. At San Francisco. They could be 1-3. Yeah. Home, Seattle. At New England.

At Denver. Home, Buffalo. Home, Pittsburgh. Home,, at Denver. Home Buffalo, home Pittsburgh, home Miami. At Pittsburgh, home Cincy, at Arizona. Home Baltimore, at Cincy. The problem is Cincy's two wins. That's why I think they get to nine. I think Cincy's going to suck. Yeah, they for sure are.

But those top three will beat the hell out of each other. They'll all be around eight or nine. I just think nine is too high a number for this team. Team of losers. The other thing is they got the AFC East. That might be three easy games, right? So the AFC East for three games, they have Cincy. And then on the other side, they get to play San Francisco and Arizona.

I mean, those are seven really pretty simple games. I got it. I'm with you on counting them to be the Browns. I think their offense is going to be good. Same kind of thing. They're not sneaking up on anyone. True. Bengals were supposed to split against them last year.

You're not going to be surprised. So I feel like they're going to have a target on their back. And Baker just won't shut his mouth. My God. How does this happen just won't shut his mouth. My God. How does this happen? Pittsburgh, over under is 9. It's up to – bet up to minus 140. The division is plus 150.

Conference is 8-1. Super Bowl is 20-1. Playoffs, minus 115. I like this team. I teased this out last week. I was talking about how I'm circling these guys. The Antonio Brown-Ewing theory. Yeah.

Everyone, like, you know, they lost Bell. They lost Brown. Everyone's kind of out. The infrastructure is still in place. Schuster will be great. They'll find some fucking receiver neither of us have ever heard of who gets 58 catches. Moncrief is there.

Yeah. Look, you have Roethlisberger. You could chalk this up to Antonio Brown. 5,200 yards passing last year. By the way, I like him at 10-1 to repeat his most yards passing. I got to say, I followed the entire football season last year and did this podcast with you and bet every week and watched all the games and was stunned to remember

that Ben Roethlisberger had 5,200 yards passing. It's insane. How many TDs? It was close to 40, right? I forgot. 38 touchdowns or something? There are some games where he's going to throw 60 times, right? I don't care if Antonio Brown's on the other side of the field.

He's just like, holy crap. Ben Roethlisberger just threw 58 passes. That's going to happen. Why not? So they got Baltimore twice. They play the Patriots in New England week one. Both L.A. teams. Their schedule gets easier after Thanksgiving.

It feels – I got 10 and 6. Here's something to remember. I actually – I'm going higher. I think 11 and 5. All right. They have a chip on their shoulder. Mike Tomlin has never had a losing season. It's amazing.

He's got to go down as one of the most underrated coaches of all time. And overrated. And overrated? Yeah. I don't know why. It can't beat your team. That's it. That's the only team they had to beat all decade. Let him announce that during this Hall of Fame acceptance.

He lost a playoff game to Tim Tebow. Right. That's tough. That's embarrassing. That's pretty hard. All right. I agree. He's the most overrated coach of all time.

Tim Tebow's been in mid-triple-A for four years. That was terrible. Or double-A or whatever. That was terrible. But after missing the playoffs, he averaged wins per season as 10. And they're the only ranked team in the top six in offense and defense i like this devin bush for rook defensive rookie of the year i mean it's gonna be good that was another one of those the people who watch college football

were like oh fuck they got devin bush yeah well we're gonna make a play for this because four to one and also like kind of like ryan chaiseer's replacement you know he's gonna have a couple games like we did it for ryan chaiseer he's gonna get a lot of the uh the momentum behind him i like that at four to one i like them over and to win the division plus one so i was looking at their schedule as you know i love the narratives yeah you figure they're playing the Rams Sunday night, week six on NBC. Steelers? The Steelers.

Not the Rams. The Chargers. Is that the Chargers? Yeah, it's the Chargers. I'm trying to read the little stupid symbols on the ESPN. So they're at the Chargers. It's a Sunday night NBC game. That's fun.

They'll do the Roethlisberger-Riverstein, but then they'll also do the... They'll cut to Collinsworth in the booth for the game, and he'll do the whole... They're 4-1, and he'll do the... I mean, Al, you talk to the guys here, and they don't want to throw Antonio Brown under the bus, okay? But they'll say, they'll tell you it's

a different atmosphere around here it's it's it's just a little happier and that's got to mean something now right that was a bad Collinsworth no that's good but I do feel like that becomes the narrative like oh man actually it's just kind of fun to show up and play football this year and not deal with fucking

weirdos right so that should get them to 10 yes I got them at 11 and five possible 12 and four. All right. Baltimore. Another team. I really like eight and a half. I think people forget that they won the division last year. There were 10 and six and it goes down to eight and a half.

And their quarterback killed them until, until they changed quarterbacks. Right. Exactly. Over under eight and a half division plus three 50 conference 21, Super Bowl 51, playoffs plus 175. I'm penciling in playoffs plus 175. I think that's good value. I like their team. I like that they know who they are.

This is a team that is going to run the fucking ball. I think the Lamar Jackson stuff, he was bad in that playoff game, and it threw people off the scent a little bit. Tough spot. He's in the playoffs. He was a rookie. He didn't have a lot of reps. Like, he sucked.

I don't think that means he sucks as a quarterback. The advanced metric stuff on him was actually pretty good. And I don't know. Do they change? Ten and six. He claims he's changing his game. You think he gets smarter? Is he going to run less? The problem is he's a his game. He gets smarter. He's not going to run less.

The problem is he's a 58% completion guy. So he's got to throw a lot. He lost Brown. He lost Crabtree. He's got the two rookies. He's got Boykins. And I think, like, I don't know, that Mark Andrews is good at tight end. He has to throw a lot to get a lot of yards.

I don't know if they move the ball. I say eight wins. I'm going slightly under. I like them. Over under frame for rushing yards is 860. That's a lot. It's a lot, but it's also not a lot if he's getting 60 a game, which I think they can't succeed unless he gets 60 a game.

He for sure beat that last year. Yeah. Passing TDs, I texted Ringer editor-in-chief of the month, Bally Rubin, about this. I was like, what do you think Lamar's passing TD over under is? And she's like, I'm sure it's low because they hate Lamar. So 20? And I was like, no, it's actually 15 and a half.

Yeah. And she was like, what? That's like you could have one arm and throw 16 i think it's him and eli have like the out of the starting quarterbacks those are the lowest like right right in there 15 absurd that's one a game he should have more than one a game he'll have one game where he has three right so then in the other 15 games it's 12 but you get to 15 what we always say about these player probs you gotta you're you're we're always counting on 16-game starts. True.

I don't know. I have them right at 8-8. I think this division beats the hell out of each other. The Browns will be 8-8. Steelers are the only ones that jump out to me. I think there's two playoff teams from this division, and I have Baltimore as the team, not Cleveland. Which road games do you like them in?

Kansas City, Pittsburgh, Seattle, Rams, Cleveland. That's tough. Jesus. what is uh which road games do you like them in kansas city pittsburgh seattle rams cleveland that's tough jesus that's fucking well they go so they go miami arizona first two weeks and then third week is the mahomes battle right they just need is if they're three and two through the first five weeks they're fine then after that after that, they have the Pats in Week 9, Houston Week 11, Rams Week 12. At Rams, yeah. And then Cleveland-Pittsburgh to finish. It's a fun division. I think they're going to be bunched up there.

I really like this division. You know who I don't like is Cincinnati. No, why would you? They're over under 6.5, seems high. No, why would you? Their over-under is 6.5. Seems high. It's plus 160 to bet the over, so it must be, what, minus 200 on the under. Makes sense. 30-1 in the division, which is an atrocity.

61 conference. I've never seen the division's 31 and the conference is 60-1. Right. Super Bowl is 200-1. Playoffs plus 600. Don't't do it that sounds like a dumb bet uh we touched on it fewest wins is a better bet at seven or eight to one wherever you can get it first round pick is out for the year aj green banged up might see him week three aj green i was reading i'm actually doing homework on fantasy this year which almost guarantees i'm

gonna get voted out yeah Don't do that. AJ Green, people do the tears. He was in the tear with Schmucks. Oh, yeah. It's over for AJ Green. Yeah. As a respected fantasy guy. I think everybody's just been burned by him.

It's over, but bet the under on him. Yeah, I know what you're saying. Four of the first six on the road. This is the rookie coach, Zach Tower, the Rams guy. Doesn't look good. Doesn't look good for them. This is Dalton's ninth year. The Sean McVay coaching tree that produced three points in the Super Bowl. And their defense

is rough, too. They averaged 28 points. Sometimes I'm just doing jokes just for Kyle. Kyle's like, any joke that puts the Patriots in good light or a Patriot opponent in bad light, I'm laughing. I can't endorse any of that. You're my guy, Kyle.

Yeah. I think Cincy's going to be fucking awful, and I love the under at 6.5. I'm really excited for it. Who do you think, just out of curiosity, who's the new coach who does well this year? Because every year we have a new coach who does kind of well. Well, do you count, like, LaFleur for the Packers?

Yeah, I do count him. Yeah, I like him. They said there was a stat, like, only 13% of rookie coaches, and it counts as a rookie coach, win the division. So, yeah, you're best off betting against them, but I like LaFleur. Was Gase? It's year one for Gase. Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought.

Oh, you like him? Yeah. So Gase could be the rookie coach. Sure. Who are we missing? Is there anyone else? I actually think. Oh, this is the one.

Well, we'll get to it in a minute. I found you on the Broncos. Oh, so that could be our guy. That's it. I like Flores. And unfortunately, he went to a terrible team. Yeah. I think he could have been good on the right team. It's so funny.

He was good with the Pats last year. You know, they're talking about trading clowning. Like, he wants out. It's like, the Dolphins are the Pats last year. You know, they're talking about trading Clowney. Like, he wants out. It's like, the Dolphins are the number one suitor right now. Are you sure you want that? They're going to win four games. Right. He's going to leave the Texans, who, by default, should win that division.

Right. Go to a good team. We'll talk about that. But, yeah. AFC South. So, real quick, we like Pittsburgh. We both like Pittsburgh. Love Pittsburgh. Good. Love Pittsburgh.

Good. Love Pittsburgh. All right, now people know what to stay away from. You know what's funny with me when I like Pittsburgh for betting? People should know I care about being right on this podcast and winning money more than sticking it to Patriots rivals. But when I say I like Pittsburgh this year, the Steelers fans, their antennas go up.

They're like, you're fucking trying to jinx us. Oh i'm not i'm honestly not you can't win you know why i'm not trying to jinx them because i don't need to because the patriots beat them every year you want to play them in the play that one's for you kyle kyle's not gonna disagree he's got flash jordan jersey now that's our guy what a pickup well we taught sony how to catch a screen pass this summer. It's great, man. We're feeling great about the pass. How old is Sony?

Like eight that he needs to be taught how to catch a screen pass? Remember I bet him one catch in the Super Bowl? Oh, right. One catch. That's Belichick always screws up. But he dropped it. Remember? He fucking dropped it.

That's right. Yeah. That's bad. AFC South. Well, this has been turned on its ear, this division. As far as over-unders. Andrew Luck had the right to be happy. Be happy for Andrew Luck.

I'm happy. Be happy for him, Sal. Well, I was happy for myself because I had the Texans at plus 260, and now they're only, what are they? We're doing the Texans now, right? They're two to one. I actually did research on this. I had my advanced metrics crew check this out.

The percentage of people who were happy for Andrew Luck when he retired, who were also offended by the Chappelle special. Yeah. Was 82%. Is that what it is? Yeah. 82%. I watched that Chappelle pushed it too far and totally believed in Andrew Luck.

Is that right? Wow. The Chappelle special was fucking funny. Of course it was. Guess what? He's Dave Chappelle. He gets to say what he wants. He makes fun of it. He's an equal opportunity.

I'm making fun of every person. And I'm glad he exists in life. I fucking laughed my ass off during that special. I laughed my ass off. I found myself agreeing with almost everything. Comedy is supposed to be uncomfortable. Last time I checked, you're making jokes about things

that also make people uncomfortable. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable anymore. now it's like oh right it's like guess what don't don't watch comedy special then no i know sorry no well how else is anyone going to complain if they don't watch really i'm really in the edge i'm on the fucking edge you just do the cults or you want to do the texans no we we'll save the Colts. All right. I'm on the edge, though. Texans, 8.5, 2-1 for the division, 15-1 AFC, 30-1 Super Bowl, playoffs plus 120. I like it. I like they're over 8.5. I didn't love it.

Now I like it. I think they sweep the Colts. They're right there. All right, so Jacksonville is also 8.5. Mm-hmm. They're 2-1 for the division, 18-1 for the conference, 35 for the Super Bowl, plus 130 to make the playoffs. So Houston, Vegas and the gambling public is basically saying, we like Houston just a smidge more than we like Jacksonville.

And my question is why? Why should it be? Well, they won 11 games. 11 and 5. Bill O'Brien's won the division three of the last four years. Okay. They just lost Lamar Miller for the year. They lost Lamar?

Duke Johnson's that much worse? I don't know. I think they'll be okay. Duke Johnson? They'll be fine. What's Lamar Miller? If I'm starting Duke Johnson in a fantasy week, I'd be like, Jesus. You would not start Lamar.

You wouldn't be happy as an RB2 with Lamar Miller. Deshaun Watson, he's going to stay healthy all year? The way he runs around and takes hits? I like all Deshaun Watson numbers. I like 17-1 for MVP. He makes me nervous. I don't like the hits he takes. They went undefeated weeks four through 13.

First team ever to do that in history. Nine straight wins after starting 0-3. What happened in the playoffs? I'm in on Bill O'Brien. We're talking division here. Who's going to win this division? I can't remember. Who did they lose to?

Chargers? I don't know. Was it Chargers? Oh, who did they lose to? I'm trying to remember. It's funny. We obsess over this, and then I can't remember who they lost in the playoffs. I thought you were making a Patriots.

I just assumed they lost to the Patriots. No, they did in years past. I think that was the Shakeys game, I just assumed they lost to the Patriots. No, they did in years past. I think that was the Shakey's game, didn't they? It was the Shakey's game. Who'd they lose to? I think it was the Chargers. Yeah. Who knows?

We got to check. See? By the way, nobody can get mad at us. We're just old. I like DeAndre Hopkins. Most receiving touchdowns, 10 to 1. I'm all over the Texans. You don't think people are just blind, all in, I like DeAndre Hopkins. Most receiving touchdowns, 10 to 1. I'm all over the Texans.

You don't think people are just blind all in, all over them, and not really thinking it through? No. I've heard people like the Jags. Are people out there liking the Jags? Oh, yeah, and the Titans. All of them. Titans.

They gave up 62 sacks last year, the Texans, but they addressed it. Two of their first three picks were offensive linemen. They went to free agency. They helped out. Did they address it, though? Because everything I read the last two weeks was we need to trade Clowney for a tackle because we need a tackle. Oh, I thought they were trading for a running back. I thought that's what they're looking for here.

But I don't know. Very tough schedule. The worst schedule in all the league if you go by. A red flag and a half. But all these AFC South teams have it, I think. Let's pick your poison here. But I like them over 8.5. What about Big Dick Nick and Jacksonville, though?

Isn't that going to be a mess? Why? You like that? I don't know. Who are his receivers? You talk about that. They were crippled by Bortles last year. The Bortles thing ruined their season. Like Marquis. I don't even know who their receivers are.

It is tough for their receivers. Westbrook, Sharks. I don't know any of these guys. I have a confession. I'm with you on Houston. I just wanted to talk it out. That's fine. I just wanted to make sure we weren't being too hasty.

Well, one team's 11-5, and the other team was 5-11 last year. And like you said, they both have the same over-unders. Right. But I just felt like Jacksonville had the year from hell. They're coming off so freaking close to beating the Pats. Right. To, oh, my God, I can't believe we blew it. To, oh, my God, Blake Bortles.

And then Fournette falls, and then they're 5-11. But I don't think they're out of that turmoil yet. Like, Telvin Smith is sitting out the year, the linebacker. He's done. They have, like, type A personalities. By the way, who keeps it now, Telvin? Yeah, Marone and Tom Coughlin. I think, like, something gives there.

Why is Leonard Fournette, like, going crazy? The Khan family is doing AEW. They don't care about the Jaguars anymore. Right. Just worried about the pay-per-view. I forgot about the Khan family. The Khans. The AEW thing I'm in on.

I think that was really smart. And Marquise Lee, is he ready? Is he not ready? Like, that's the big question for their offense. They do have winnable games. What about a Fournette comeback? Yeah, I think that's a good—now I know what to overbid you on in the fantasy if we get to the auction next week.

I have a vague memory of him hurting my feelings. Yeah. I'm going under with this team. One thing I don't like about the Jags, home KC week one at Houston week two. It could be the 0-2 start. Right. And then Tennessee home. And then at Denver, at Carolina, 4-5, which are both winnable,

but also if their season's not going well, could go badly. Yes. Yeah, I have them five or six. I think they win six games. I know you like them a little more than I do. No, I just wanted to talk it out. All right.

I think you have to pick between those two. That defense is always good. I think Houston is safer. And O'Brien has produced. Yeah. We're ready to write him off after that hard knocks year. But three out of four division, pretty good. I'll tell you this. I like seeing him on the other sideline when he's going against William Stephen Belichick.

Yeah. Yeah. Does he have a middle name? Stephen. Wow. Yeah. Stupid patient. I have over for Houston eight and a half. I have. Wow. Yeah. Stupid Patriots. I have over for Houston, 8.5.

I have under for Jacksonville, 8.5. But I wouldn't be surprised if that flipped. That would be a double loss. But I think you have to do it that way. And then Indianapolis. Are you ready? I'm not ready yet. Is the Giants?

Oh. You want to do Titans and then the Giants? No. Oh, yeah. Let's do Titans. All the Giants? No. Oh, yeah. Let's do Titans. All right. Titans numbers eight. It's so perfect for them, right?

Sure. Their numbers should be eight because they're mediocre and they're probably going to go eight and eight. It sucks that we have to be forced to figure out this division. Remember, if Mariota starts, he had that home game against the Colts. They make the playoffs. They win the division. Oh, no. They lost. They got killed right sunday night i'm out i'm third completely out i don't like him either i've cut i've moved all the stuff out of my guest room he's out yeah this is year five here's my question go ahead what if tan hill come in and he's actually

like half decent because i do think that's in play for like week five, week six, week seven range. He could be half decent. Yeah. I was with, uh, does half decent get them the nine wins? I was with Clay Travis in Vegas last week for some promotion. And he bet big on the Titans over the Patriots in that game. And I was looking at, I was like,

Mario does the third best quarterback in this game. You got Stidham on the Patriots who lit them up and Tannehill, I think is better. I think he plays and I have them under, I have them under. I have them under as well. And all right, Indianapolis. Well, just real quick. I mean, at Cleveland Indy, at Jacksonville, at Atlanta, three of the first four on the road for Tennessee, they could be done early. And now your team.

I like the over. For the Colts. So it went from 9.5 to 7.5 with the news of Andrew Luck. I was upset the division odds weren't better. Really? I was thinking if they were 8-1, I was going to try to convince you to bet it. Here's the only problem. 4-1 for division, 35-1 conference, 75-1 Super Bowl, plus 270 for the playoffs.

Everyone was saying this was a contender to win the Super Bowl. Right. They were considered to be the third best team in the AFC. And now they're below 500 team, according to Vegas. I just don't think Jacoby Brissett's that bad. I don't think he's that bad. And I also, this is not like Andrew Luck getting hurt week three and Jacoby Brissett has to run.

He's been taking snaps all summer. He's with the first team. He's got protection on an offensive line. He's played and started multiple games in a row before and was actually half decent. Funches, T.Y. Hilton, he's got some weapons back there. I think they can go 3-3 in the division, but look at

the quarterbacks they have to face. Phillip Rivers, Matt Ryan, Mahomes, Deshaun Watson times two, Drew Brees, and Ben Roethlisberger. That's a lot of good quarterbacks on the other side. And you left out my man Jameisis yes not my man like i not personally yeah is that your man just like for fit for fantasy sleeper okay status that's it um so so i i would go over i think they get eight they can go three and three in the division why couldn't i go three and three

in the division i think they get to eight wins i think they win the division you Why couldn't they go 3-3 in the division? I think they get to eight wins. I think they win the division. You do? Really? I do. Oh, you want them to. You want this all to fly in their face. I just like this Colts thing. I like how it's lining up. Here's the thing. Awesome offensive line. Sure. Right?

Is it awesome for a guy like Luck who kind of knows what he's doing, or is it just awesome? He had great protection last year. They really invested in the offensive line. Sure. I think most QBs who are half decent or better, if you give them a really good offensive line, can be good. All right.

And I think he can be good behind that offensive line. I don't think he can outdo Pat Mahomes, but I think he can be good. You get to be like, oh, this is the expatriate. This is the only reason he's good. It's a huge win for me and Kyle. You get to say that. We're winning left and right. We've won six Super Bowls. Kyle gets another jersey. Flash Gordon's back.

Jacoby doing his thing. But they have a lot of weapons. I really like marlon mack i thought he was one of the most impressive running backs last year i love ty i like their offensive line good one nine the last 10 last year they have they stacked the deck so that this 2019 and 20 combo season right we're gonna be their seasons well they have justin houston like 18 and a half sacks over the last two years so that was a nice signing and we left out one very important note what happened the ewing theory the ewing

what the fuck did andrew luck ever win yeah he never won 12 games he got to the afc title game once and lost by 38 points why why is this the most devastating retirement of all time i am so fired up i am this is all the makings. He's a classic Ewing Theory candidate. I've been looking at it all week. I'm like, why can't they go 11 and 5? Why can't they go 10 and 6? Is it okay to be in the middle of this Andrew Luck thing?

Is it okay to be like- It's totally fine. Is it okay? It is because I have- I feel like I'm in the middle too. Shame on you for booing, but maybe we don't have to name a national park after him. Can we be right in the middle? Honestly. It's fine. It's fine to be

in the middle. Coward had a good take about the fans booing him. Why? He's like, fans is short for fanatics. Yeah. Fans are crazy. They're irrational. I heard somebody else say on one of their shows, fans flip cars over after they win the title. These are not normal human beings to begin with.

I thought it was awful that they booed him. But it also makes sense because we've seen bad behavior by fans all the time. But I feel bad for them, too. If you're spending top dollar, I'm not saying, like, everybody should get their money back. But if you have season tickets to the Colts, it's like, oh, crap, that sucks. Like, you're paying for Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt in the leading role. And all of a sudden, uh, Johnny Lawrence for karate kid jumps in and he's the, he's the leading man.

12 days before filming starts. Exactly. Yeah. The timing could have been a little better. Why was he on the sideline? Well, I don't think he thought it was going to break when it, when it was on the sideline, he's retiring the next day. That's what's weird.

And if they knew two weeks before he doesn't, they knew 10 days before he's on the sideline? He's retiring the next day. That's what's weird. And if they knew two weeks before, he doesn't need to be on the sideline. They knew 10 days before. He's on the sideline anyway. Yeah. Right. So is he going to be on the sideline this week? I don't know. Yeah, you're right.

Probably not, right? I get it. The whole thing was weird. He's allowed to walk away. Of course he's allowed to walk away. But what's that going to do to that game? Are we going to see three-year – we're going to see guys like we should see in college basketball. Like we're just going to see guys for three years

and that's it. And if they go any more than that, I think it's okay to be in the middle, everybody. You don't have to be outraged on Twitter. You also don't have to read Twitter to figure out which side. I think people just want to be outraged. Yeah. They're just dying for outrage. Probably getting outraged about this. Well, we like the

over. We're Colts fans all of a sudden. I am all in on over 7.5. I'm just delighted by it. I don't think the division odds are good enough, though. I think they couldn't be in a situation where they just cratered the division odds to 10-1 or something. Because here's why. They're not sure that the Colts aren't still going to be really good right and that maybe Andrew Luck who was a really good fantasy guy to

have who did a really nice job the first couple years in Indianapolis on shit teams bringing the playoffs and who had a really good year last year but is also not Aaron Rodgers should we bring him in right now is he ready to talk bring him in, let's bring him in. Hey, let's talk about Luminary. It's a new podcast subscription service with some of the best content around. It's the only place you can listen to the latest show on the Ringer Network, Break Stuff, the story of Woodstock, 1999. If you missed it, I don't know what the hell you were thinking. great, great, great pop culture kind of dissection of a really, really nutty, crazy musical festival that really there's never been another one like that where more things went wrong.

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Terms do apply. All right. With us right now, former quarterback of the Indianapolis Colts. For the last time. Possibly for the last time. This is it. He will be performing signing autographs at the Omni in Atlanta, Georgia. Andrew, the giant luck.

A big decision. One you're ready to back up. Well, you know, it's not something I took lightly. I just, you know, I kept coming back to just whether I just had the fire to do this. And I just, it wasn't there. And I felt like I was hurting my team and myself. And I have an incredible camping trip planned for Bolivia for three months with my wife. And I just felt like that was what I should do.

There you go. Andrew the Giant Luck, who will be camping in Bolivia and then at the Mid-Hudson Civic Center in Poughkeepsie, New York. Oh, man. Poor, that's it. That's it for Andrew the Giant, unless he comes back. And the Twitter and the Civil War guy went away too, the Twitter account. That's gone? Yeah.

Andrew the Giant's gone? No. Well, he's not gone. He's going to, he's huge camping trip. By the way, he's coming back. He's coming back next year. It does seem like that's why they let him keep the money, right? It's the only reason. That's a huge camping trip. By the way, he's coming back. He's coming back next year. It does seem like that's why they let him keep the money, right? It's the only reason.

That cripples the salary cap. It cripples a team for three. It's imposing recruiting sanctions on your own team for three years if you're giving up $25 million without the promise or some kind of agreement that he'll be back. It's a lot of money. It would be funny if he came back. Yeah.

One division, Delaney Walker. funny if he came back yeah uh one uh division but if he came back yeah that's great for him yeah yeah i'm just whatever's great for him and this is what i care about do you think he should have to come back or only if he wants to i just want what he wants oh that's how i'd like to think about sports right so if he wants i just want what the player wants. Yeah. I don't care about my own feelings. Mm-hmm. I want people to be happy. I just, I look around when I follow sports now.

I don't think about wins and losses. I just think about happiness. I'm just reading that. I want everybody to be happy. Oh, this is weird. Jacoby Brissett just retired. Are you happy for him? Totally happy.

Wow. I'm sure he had his reasons. Okay. Interesting. Who's the quarterback now? Dan Orlovsky's son? Well, it was John Kitna. They signed him, and then he just retired, too.

John Kitna? Yeah. Are you okay with that? Really happy for that guy. Okay, good. I'm sure he put some thought into it. Jeff George. Jeff George, I'm not happy for.

Not happy for? No. All right. Although maybe things have come around for Jeff George now, because we're not allowed to be mean to athletes. Right. Maybe Jeff George was misunderstood. Yeah. He grew. He grew. You've got to think back on all the times I've made mean jokes for Jeff George now because we're not allowed to be mean athletes right maybe Jeff George was misunderstood he grew he got to think back on all the times I made mean jokes about Jeff George he was way ahead I wish I hadn't done that Delaney Walker for

the division Tennessee 50 to 1 comeback player of the year that's that's my longest god that's such a sad award winner what do you mean why like if that's how we remember the 2019 season where we're like this happened this happened oh, remember Delaney Walker's comeback? You get nine or ten touchdowns flukishly. Who knows? I hope he's starting for your fantasy team. We got through that. The toughest division, I think.

I don't know. You're going Colts and I'm going Texans. Yes. All right. I feel good. Listen, the Ewing theory has been a force, much like the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick. They could go 3-3 in that division and work it out from there, for sure.

AFC West got a lot of people like KC. 7-1. Same odds as the Patriots to win the Super Bowl. Right. Over or under 10.5. Division, minus 180. Conference, plus 350. To make the playoffs, minus 140.

So they're minus 140. Who else did we say was minus 140? If you go Chiefs, Rams, Patriots to make the playoffs, who beat you there? Let's make the case for the Chiefs not making the playoffs. Mahomes would have to get hurt. Oh, yeah, for sure. That's the only way, right?

Yeah, I think so. So you're betting minus 140 and Mahomes not getting hurt? I'm going the other way. I think Mahomes is going to be better this year. I've read all this fantasy regression stuff. Better than 50 touchdowns? I know. Better? Yeah.

I know. 50 touchdowns and 5 000 passing yards well you like his over then because his over is 32 and a half so you you should you should definitely bet the over touchdowns how is somebody worse in their second year right he just went through all this and now it's like all he has to do is oh i've hit every checkpoint now i'm just gonna be really good at football. Right. I think he'll be better. Here's the other thing he has going for him. Maybe he won't have the same stats because they'll have more blowouts and stuff. Andy Reid, you touched on this. He has gone over the projected win total in every season since 2013.

That's his Super Bowl. He doesn't care to win the trophy. He doesn't care about the Lombardi trophy. He's like, hey, we went over our win total. That's good enough for me. And don't forget his Coach of the Year trophies. The Coach of the Year. The George Hallis Coach of the Year. Is it George Hallis? Win totals? I think it is George Hallis.

Yeah. It's Jeff George Hallis. Offense, 565 points. Third most by any team. And people want Tyreek Hill suspended, but he's not going to be. They got everybody back. Maybe they should think about Tyreek Hill's feelings more.

That guy doesn't have feelings. No. Good point. 21-3 in the division. Average margin of victory, 12-plus. We both like Damian Williams. Yeah, for sure.

I think losing Hunt on paper, which they would have lost him anyway because he was suspended for eight games. But I remember I picked up Williams in both of my fantasy leagues because he came in in one game I was watching. I was like, Jesus, this guy's good. And I felt like that even in the Pats game. I think one of the reasons the Pats won

is they didn't really unleash Williams like I felt like they were going to. They held back there. Yeah. They got a slow start too. Yeah. But it's like I kept waiting for him to kill us on screen passes and all the shit that killed us all year, and they never really tapped into it. I like him.

I think he's going to be good. I think I said 32.5. It's 35.5 Mahomes touchdowns, but that's good. And McCall Hardman could be a good fill in there, that wide receiver slot. Yeah, I hate going chalk on the best teams, although I guess I didn't because I went against New Orleans in the NFC pod. But it's hard for me to imagine that this offense doesn't produce 11 wins. Right.

And unless Tyreek Hill does something else dumb, which is conceivable. No way. But him, Kelsey, they're just a nightmare. That's a lot. That's a lot. I will say they lost. They got Frank Clark. They paid a lot for him because they lost Justin Houston and Dee Ford. You get a Dee Ford jersey. That's who nephew Kyle should have. They have one fingertip offside. That's why he won that Super Bowl. Hanch and I text about him once every two weeks. Do you really? Because it's the second biggest break of the entire

six Super Bowl run was D4 just lining up like a yard and a half offsides for no reason at all. And the play was on the other side. And if he's just a yard back, we lose the game and it's like, oh my god, Brady, has he washed up? What happened? That's an interesting column or something. Who would you give five rings to from another team over the years for the page

it would be funny if d ford gets one for sure oh yeah who else who else uh oh i mean anyone matt anyone involved in the malcolm butler play oh yeah i'd give three rings out the coaching staff the whole seattle coaching staff gets one. Also, the Falcons offensive coordinator. They could have run the ball. So the Falcons won. Matt Ryan gets one because he just didn't kill the clock and run the clock down to one second for every play. Dan Quinn definitely gets one.

Sure. And who is the one? I'm trying to remember who caught the screen pass that kept the clock going was another big one. But that was on your team. Who dropped the screen pass. Oh, for Atlanta? Yeah, there was one where the guy dropped the screen pass,

and if he just caught it, it would have been another 40 seconds. I can't remember. How about John Casey kicking the ball out of bounds? Yeah, there's so many. Oh, John Casey? That was you, though. You should get the ring for that. You did the Jimmy Kim remember. How about John Casey kicking the ball out of bounds? Yeah, there's so many. Oh, John Casey? That was you, though. You should get the ring for that. You did the Jimmy Come Alive thing with John Casey, and then he blew it.

I pretended to be him at media day and was banned for years after that. Then for the Rams, I would give it to the ref who said J.R. Redman was still in bounds. Right. When he got tackled. Or when J.R. Redman got out of bounds. When he got tackled, five yards in bounds. I mean,.R. Redman got out of bounds. When he got tackled five yards inbounds. I mean, there was no way he was out of bounds. Yeah, that was bad.

And then the tuck roll. Everybody who was involved in that gets a win. Yeah, well, that's unfortunate because they called it right. And then this is a good little thing here. The only one with the Eagles is that was like a legit Super Bowl all the way through where we didn't benefit from anybody else like like the error mistake slash whatever it was like that was just the best team they took care of business the eagles game eagles i guess mcnabb maybe doing the 10 minute

two minute drill and throwing up and all that stuff maybe he gets it yeah but you got to think back to like there's some championship games too when you beat the Steelers or some other. I'm trying to think what other. What other stupid? Oh, Cordell in 01 definitely gets one. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. He just stunk in that game.

I don't even know why I brought this up. I'm really enjoying it. Can we keep talking about it? No, I don't like it. Just write a column on your own. 03, Peyton Manning. Yeah. He gets one. So the the chiefs people forget and

the chargers both at 12 wins um the chiefs won the division it was the night of the ringer party the holiday party that the chargers stunned them on the road right that was a thursday night game i think we all had money on the uh chiefs line. Killed them. Went for two points and got it. Chargers only 9.5. Chiefs 10.5. Over under. I don't like the way it looks for the Chargers this year. There's a lot of red flags.

The over under is suspiciously low, which we covered in the NFC podcast. Who was the team that had the over under? Oh, the Bears. Oh, the Bears. Yeah. It was also 9.5. Yeah. The Chargers, this looks low.

What's even more confusing is it's 9.5, but to bet the over is minus 150, whereas I thought that would be like minus 200. They're basically daring you to lay a huge fake just to bet 10 wins. It's not quite high. The whole thing makes me suspicious. Plus 2255 doing the division plus 900 for the conference 21 for the super bowl minus 190 for the playoffs melvin gordon's still out at the time we're taping that bad uh they say they might be close but yeah bad off season for

them derwin james who you know you could say enough about him look at his stats tackles 105 in the first passes defense 13 13, three interceptions. That's like the one defensive player they can't replace. He was kind of all over the place all the time. We had some good difference. He had multiple ringer pieces about him over the last two years about all the stuff he does. Right.

And how long has he gone for? He's done. He's done for the whole season, right? Yeah, I think he's done for the whole year. That's a disaster. Yeah. I'm almost positive he's done. He's done for the whole season, right? Yeah. That's a disaster. Yeah. I'm almost positive he's out. But I still think I still like them to get in the playoffs. I think maybe minus 190 is too steep,

but they're the fifth team in the last 10 years to win 12 or more games and not win their division. Still pretty good. I think they fall out. We have to knock a couple 2018 playoff teams out, and I'm knocking them out. I also think the whole, we're now in what, year three of them playing in a home stadium

where every time it's the fans of the other team. That's always weird. I'm thinking for week one, there might be as many Jacoby Brissett jerseys as there are Phil Rivers or Melvin Gordon. Oh, yeah, that's weird. And I'm thinking like for week one, there might be as many Jacoby Brissett jerseys as there are Phil Rivers or Melvin Gordon. Oh, yeah, that's right. But maybe they're just used to nothing being a road game.

You know what I mean? They have home back-to-back Denver, Pittsburgh. They also have Green Bay. That's going to be all Packers fans. They have Chiefs. That's going to be all Chiefs fans. Vikings, all Vikings fans. Oakland. Every home game, it's like teams be all Chiefs fans. Vikings, all Vikings fans. Oakland.

Every home game, it's like teams with huge traveling fan bases. For sure. Except for the Texans in week three. Yep. But even the Colts. The Colts kind of travel. They're pretty big. I like their first five.

I think they win like three out of their first five at least. I was looking at it. I think they have to go out of their first five at least. I was looking at it. I think they have to go. At Detroit, at Miami, home for Houston. They have to go four and one first five. Yeah. And if they don't, they're going, they have the Pittsburgh game week six, at Chicago, at Oakland, at Denver, at Jacksonville, at KC to end the year.

Right. Yeah, the schedule's really not that hard, I got to say. I think their mojo, aside from the holdouts in Derwin James, it's kind of like four of the last five first-round picks made the Pro Bowl. They figured out the kicking thing. They maybe aren't scouting South Korea anymore. Where was that guy from? I don't know.

They figured it out. I still think they're over 9.5. I have them at 10. You have them at 10? I have them at 10, but I also have Denver. I have three playoff teams. I'm going under for them. I think they're 9 and 7. You are. Denver is over under 7.5.

This is my favorite. 8-1 division. 35-1 conference. 75-1 Super Bowl plus 325 playoffs make the case. I think Flacco's going to be really good with this team. I don't know why. I just have a weird feeling, and maybe it's just for one year,

but they're loaded defensively. Seven and a half is too low. I like it. Vic Fangio, everything you read about him, players love him. So that was my number one reason that I liked the over was I could just, I can see the stories in mid-October about like he waited too long for his chance, but when he got it, he delivered. Right.

You know, by Seth Wickersham or whatever. That's just. Now he's got to write that article. Yeah, now he's got to write it. Get on that, Seth. But. They can win 10 games but the coaching upgrade and we do this every year in this podcast yeah and every year i try to find one team where

i'm like well they had that guy last year and now they're getting this guy that's just with four wins and you go last year vance joseph who i think pretty much everyone agreed was a bad head coach. Yeah. Maybe a great coordinator. Yeah. Go to him. If our man Vic, if he can be above average, that's three and a half wins. Sure. Right there. And then Flacco, I'm with you.

Man, he sucked the last couple years, but that was also, they never had the right team with him, and I think he had a lot of baggage there by the end, especially when they drafted Lamar. And there is a possibility he could just chuck it. He's got one more. I think he's got one more year. He had some success a mile high way back in the day,

that miracle touchdown. The first week, and we'll hit on this Monday, at Oakland in that late Monday game, I think that's a big disappointment for Gruden. That's a win. And then week two, Chicago, the Vic Fangio game at home. I think they win both those games. Oh, that's a nice one.

You know I love when the coordinator goes against his old team. So then go 2-1 out of those first three. Then they got Jacksonville week four. Tennessee could be a win at Indy cleveland i don't know i like buffalo in there oh they got a little detroit at the end of the season yep i'm with you it's a 10 win team i had them as uh they weren't on my radar until you told me you

liked them and i have them as my second playoff team oh there you go did you say you also like bradley chubb to lead the league in sacks? Did you mention that? No, but that sounds fantastic. Oh, 18-1. 18-1? Yeah. Could be the year of the Chubb.

Yeah. Do you have Nick Chubb? I have some. Oh, do a Chubb parlay? Chubb and Chubb. Oakland. I don't know how they keep doing it to us, where they give us pats at reasonable odds

where we can make money on them to win the division, and then they give us the Oakland over-under at six, and if they're five and 11 or worse, we win money on that too. Right. We have no evidence, zero, that John Gruden is still a good football coach. We have really no evidence at all that... Hold on, did you see him count backwards from 100 by threes yesterday?

No evidence. What else do you need to see? All right, you're right. 197, 94, 91, 88, 85. Did you see this? It was a little Rain Manny. Yeah, yeah. And everyone's so impressed by it, including him.

It's like, what? I got to tell you. How long did that take you to do? A couple of years to figure it out. Derek Carr. I'm just not a believer. They're moving to Vegas next season. Right.

This has really never worked out that well. If it has, my apologies, but usually that last season before you leave is usually weird and awkward. I wanted them to wait on the hard knocks. Wouldn't you rather have seen it in Vegas? Do the Lions. You think they'll do both? I don't think they can. I think them to wait on the hard knocks. Wouldn't you rather have seen it in Vegas? Do the Lions. You think they'll do both? I don't think they can.

I think the Brown thing is going to be a catastrophe. Yeah. It already is. It's bad. I just think he's off his rocker. How much are we betting under 11 and a half receiving touchdowns for Brown at minus 135? Because just switching teams, those guys never get double digit touchdowns. So he has under 12,250 for receiving yards.

What did you have for all that? 11.5. 11.5. He's going to have 1,250 receiving yards? I just don't see it. Forget about him. Their car doesn't hook up with one receiver that much. Crabtree would have eight or six.

That would be the most he'd ever have. Also, Brown really struggled with his relationship with Roethlisberger, who's a really good quarterback. Yeah. And was still pissed at him all the time, and they had a million probably tiny blowouts. Right. He's never had like a Derek Carr.

It's going to be rough. Where it's like, I was open, you motherfucker. What happened? Yeah. That's right. I was wide open. You didn't even see me. Yeah, we'll open, you motherfucker. What happened? Yeah, that's right. I was wide open. You didn't even see me. Yeah, we'll see that a lot.

What happened? Derek Carr's going to be like, I'm not very good. I don't know what to tell you. Just happy to be here. And that schedule. I didn't mean to hurt Derek Carr's feelings, by the way. If you're listening to Derek Carr, I didn't mean that. We'll issue a blanket apology for anyone's feelings were hurt.

Yeah, sorry about that. Sorry. So many losses on this schedule. Kansas City, at Minnesota, at Green Bay, at Houston. What did we see from Oakland last year where people were like, wow, you know, John Gruden's building something. It should not, yeah. They had four wins.

They're 4-12. Like what I saw from that Oakland team. I do like Josh Jacobs to win offensive rookie of the year, 10-1. It was 10-1. I think it's 8-1 now. Who are my other options? Well, you can go the quarterbacks. You can go Haskins or Kyler Murray, and then I think Josh Jacobs is third.

What about Jacoby Myers? First choice, best choice. How many touchdowns is he going to have in that offense? But, no, Josh Jacobs is elusive. You haven't seen – he's the most elusive running back I've known because you've never seen him on hard knocks. He's evaded the camera.

He hasn't seen one camera. How did that spend one minute on him in three weeks so far? So it makes me think like maybe he's focused. I think he'll get a lot of volume,

a lot of big numbers just because he's the only one out there. Crowell was injured and he could get 1,100 yards just by accident and not be that good. Josh Jacobs, 8-1. You know who's not going to

be good? Oakland. Yeah. That's an under. So who are your playoff teams? So I have the Patriots of New England. I have Baltimore and Pittsburgh. Indianapolis. Chiefs, Denver. Okay.

I have Denver okay I have Denver and I have I have Denver and Chargers as wild cards Chiefs division winner Texans no big deal

Steelers and so we differ in Baltimore and Chargers I have Baltimore you have the Chargers yeah

hey CBS Sports HQ I have mentioned it before on this podcast. Sports TV changing, not always for the better. Lots of yelling, beating topics in the ground. Hot takes that I'm not even sure the hosts believe. Well, CBS Sports HQ is looking to change that coverage.

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you have. Couldn't be easier. Download the CBS Sports app and watch CBS Sports HQ today. A couple other ones. A couple other bets. Roethlisberger. Passing TD is 28 and a half. Yeah.

Passing yard is 44.50. He's always hovering around 4,000, 5,000. And like we said— But he threw for 5,200 yards last year. So why is he going to throw for 800 less yards this year? And you could be behind in that. Because of Antonio Brown? I don't buy it.

I think he'll be fine. I like the over for that, right? Yeah. James Conner, his over was 1070 for rushing yards. Mm-hmm. Didn't he average like almost 100 yards a game? He had better numbers than Lev Bell. Yeah.

I just don't know how durable he's going to be. See, I'm giving you all overs except for the Antonio Brown. That's the only problem. Yeah. Kamara's rushing yards. Kamara. I always call him Kamara. Like kamara that you got in jane right is he's rushing is he running for president kamara harris his over under was 950

interesting what did he have last year do we know he's never gotten over a thousand oh yeah but they got rid of angra and they're no no we're not changing anything i i think they're rope it opening us with him really i think but you don't like your briefs i don't want to spoil no i like i like more kamara kamara yeah mara that you got a giant i like more kamara we need an andrew the giant luck replacement maybe it's kamara that you got maybe he makes his debut you got a giant and i guess blinds um i could see him kyle and I are debating his fit whether he is the best back for fantasy

or Barkley is well PPR he's right there he and McCaffrey right but he's more fun to have on your team

he would be more fun because he's definitely the let's go to New Orleans yeah and then it's like he's ripping off an 82 yard screen pass they'll score points and that's the same reason to take barkley i don't feel like mccaffrey's fun

like that right if if all their stats are even i'd rather have the fun first coach fired we talked about a little on your pod with jay gruden but um i i just want to commend jason garrett what is is he yet again top five for first coach fired. No, he's 12 to 1. Yeah. Oh, right. He was 12. Yeah. He's been top five first coach fired, I think, since I was at ESPN.

Right. Like in 2015, I think he was first coach. I think it's been since I got ESPN on cable. I think it's even further than that. Come back. The problem with him is they won't do it during the regular season. They'll just never fire him during the regular season. Come back. So that was interesting. I don't ever remember seeing the no coach fired.

Maybe they had that, but is that a new bet? I think it's part of the we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings thing. They have to put that up as an option. First coach relieved. Right. Rushing touchdowns. Leaders. Barkley's 7-1. rushing touchdowns leaders Barkley 7-1

Nick Chubb 14-1 that's pretty good I would take Zeke out of the equation I know he's up there but Dak has 18 rushing touchdowns in the last three years yeah Chubb could be the one Connor's 18-1, Fournette 20-1

Sonny Michel 22-1 here's the thing with Chubb could be the one. Conner's 18-1, Fournette 20-1, Sonny Michel 22-1. Here's the thing with Chubb. Hunt's gone for the first eight weeks. I had him in both fantasy teams last year, and that guy was an absolute beast in the second half of the year. Every time he got the ball, it seemed like he was going to break and go 60 yards, and guys were just bowling backwards. That's the case for the browns this year if he's

awesome i think we bet mccaffrey under i think we bet mccaffrey under i like it yeah i don't like that team and we bet uh we bet barkley under highest receiving touchdowns i thought all three of these are interesting odell is 15 to 1 if you're going to make the case that he's 07 Moss. Yeah. Schuster, 16-1. Mm-hmm. And then Michael Thomas, 18-1. Why not Michael Thomas? Yeah. Isn't he the best receiver in the league?

For sure. I like him for most yards, and I like him for most touchdowns. Why is he 18-1? What am I missing? I don't know. Well, because Julio Jones, who struggled to score a touchdown for months, is always up there. Yeah, 18-1 is very high.

Receiving yards, Thomas was 11-1 and Schuster was 14-1. Those were the two just from a value point that I thought stood out. Well, if Schuster's in an offense that's going to produce 4,500 yards, why not? So then last thing, we should just, even though we did the Super Bowl ads for everybody, Chiefs-Pats were the only teams under 10-1, 7-1 each. Teams we liked, the Rams 12-1, I thought was the best value.

The best long shot, I have Steelers 20-1, I kind of liked. That's pretty good. And then just the Colts are 75-1. Oh, stop it. I'm just saying. They're 75-1. That's basically saying they suck. They can't win.

Preset should be 75-1 in this road playoff game if they're lucky to get that far. 75-1. I mean, the freaking Buccaneers are 85 to 1. Did Bill not hear about Andrew Luck? They changed the odds, Bill. 75 to 1 is really high. Any long shots you like? I like the Broncos, and I like the Falcons.

And I like a lot of Matt Ryan pops. So Broncos, 75 to 1. Yeah. Falcons. Falcons only a couple years removed from that. Falcons, they're your weakness, though. Yeah. Falcons. Falcons only a couple years removed from that. Falcons are your weakness, though. Yeah, I know. You like them every year.

And they made the Super Bowl. They've vindicated you. But they've hurt your feelings more than they've made you feel good about yourself. I mean, 28-3. You remember that game? Disgusting. I watched it with Neff. Oh, no Super Bowl matchups.

I saw a few. That's why I like New Orleans, New England, which I think was 24-1 or something. Regular season MVP? Yeah. I think you get a lot of quarterbacks in that middle range. I think you can get Watson. You can get Big Ben.

So if you like the Falcons, then you might like Matt Ryan at 25-21. Sure. He's got some protection this year. Going through. What else did we say? Kamara, the Ugandan giant, is 60-1. They just don't give it to running backs. I mean, Mahomes is 4-1.

That's probably a boring bet, but probably half-decent. What's Aaron Donald? For MVP. Oh, God. Because if they ever decide to give it to a defender, his stats dwarf everybody else. 60 to 1. Yeah.

There was a lot of people saying that that's who we should just focus in on for defensive player of the year, but I don't even see that. I saw him for most sacks, 3 to 1. Yeah, you could do defensive player of the year. I I don't even see that. I saw him for most sacks three to one. Yeah, you could do defensive player of the year. I think he was right around there too. All right. We did it. It's time for Parent Corner.

Oh, yeah. Sal, I have some exciting news. What happened? Parent Corner, after years of joking about us getting a sponsor for it, actually has a sponsor. No. It's unbelievable. Who was smart enough to do this?

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At CarMax, no regrets guaranteed. Check them out today at CarMax.com. CarMax, smart enough to sponsor Parent Corner, America's favorite segment. Yeah. Thank you, CarMax. smart enough to sponsor Parent Corner, America's favorite segment. Yeah. Thank you, CarMax. We're back. We're back. 22 straight weeks of Parent Corner. We still have kids that the government won't take away, huh?

You want to trust them. Apparently not. Maybe this could be the year. This might be it. This could be the year that people are going to have to worry about my feelings. Oh, really? Yeah, when they're just worried about my parenting. I just want, I'm a human being.

Okay. If you want to retire right now, I'll understand. I'm going to retire from parenting. We'll explain it to Carmack. Go ahead. You have the floor. Okay. Well, my son is a freshman.

Your daughter's a freshman in high school. She's playing football. Yes. I broke the old lady down. Yeah. He just loves it so much. He was done with flag football. She's playing football. Yes. That broke the old lady down. Yeah. He just loves it so much. He was done with flag football. He's putting the pads on.

They had their first game last week. He's tall somehow, you know, and I have to look into this even more, but he's almost 6'1". He's playing linebacker. What do you mean look into it? Well, I'm short. Dude, 23 and big? Yeah, it just doesn't make sense.

I'm eyeballing every FedEx guy that comes by. Any FedEx guy who's 6'2 and over? Yeah, it's not right. I try to ignore it, but it's obvious, so we have to figure it out. Your son, he's like a mutant. He is very big. He's 14? Yeah, he's 14.

And he's like 6'1 and just looks like he's going to be like 6'8. Right, so he has to play football. He loves the game. He watches all the games and plays. Never tackled before. Goes in there. First game, two tackles. Only played half the game at linebacker.

Played the full game guard. Two tackles. Recovered a fumble. Tipped two passes. They beat a team from Compton. Really? 34-16. Yeah. The quarterback's good. good quarterback trained with Matt Leinart

over the summer could be a good team this is Manhattan Beach 9th grade freshman year everything's great and we get the announcement from the wife that one concussion

and he's done. And so. Wow. And I thought about this and I'm like, I have to have her back. And so I did. And I told my son, I was like, that's right. One and you're done. And that's why if you ever feel woozy, don't freaking say anything.

And my wife didn't like that too much. It's terrible. I know. It's a bad thing. We shouldn't be laughing about this. But is that fair in your estimation? One and done? Am I just a horrible father if he gets one and I'm like,

well, you can keep going. It's like half a one? Yeah. I mean, is it bad enough we're letting him play? And then if he had one, I shouldn't even be talking about it, but it's a possibility, right? It's an incredible start to Paracorder. Is CarMax still on?

They're still on? CarMax is canceled. Start the search for your next car at CarMax.com anyway, even though they're not with us anymore. I don't want to make a joke of it, but is that where we're at? If you let your kid play, you can only allow one of these. I think that's a smart way to handle this. All right.

The one and done. Okay. The new one and done. I'm fine. I'm fine with that. My son, Ben Simmons, he's had quite a summer. Yeah. my son, Ben Simmons, he's had quite a summer. Yeah.

Um, I wish we'd had a parent corner during, um, during the whole summer because a lot of stuff happened. I've seen some videos. Including him. Um, he's,

he likes Bohemian Rhapsody. Oh. And, uh, and he dressed, he, he watched the Freddie Mercury live aid performance of Bohemian Rhapsody and can now imitate it on the piano. What? And decided he would wear this white T-shirt with the roll-up and actually imitate Freddie Mercury.

It's quite an amazing summer for him. Wow. He can still do trampoline dunks and the wrestling, all that stuff. He's just all over the map with his interest my my uh mother-in-law comes and sends him a gift certificate for amazon because she's coming and um i forget it was for was is for like back to school or something so he's all excited and he decides he's going to spend the money on the gift certificate himself. We get a $50 BB gun that was for ages 16 and over.

What do you mean we get? We get it in the mail. We're like, oh, it's some package from Amazon. It's a BB gun with 200 bullets in it. And it's for people 16 and over and we're and my wife's like what the hell is this why why did we get a bb gun ben claims it was a he wanted to buy a prop gun because when he acts out scenes from movies in the backyard that he wants he wanted to have a prop gun acting out scarface what kind of movies is it he sees different movies freddie mercury shot up live i don't remember um so that

happens and then a day later this fake knife comes in the mail oh no and it's one of those knives where you stab somebody and the blade just sinks right it's like a prop thing yeah yeah and we're like what's going on do you need to see a psychiatrist he's like i just need props for the backyard and we're like what the hell is going on with you and he thought it was like the funniest thing and i forget what was the other thing he bought oh the third thing was the szechuan sauce 50 so rick and morty's has this mcdonald's szechuan sauce you can't kill anyone with that you can't kill anyone with the szechuan sauce it's like a joke right yeah it's an episode that ben loves rick and morty and he

just wanted to get it and they brought it back for a limited time for mcdonald's and now you can only get it from third-party sellers for like X amount of dollars. So he bought that as well. It all came in. It was all smushed. Half of the Szechuan sauce was all whatever. It was more than $50 because he'd already had some stuff. So three things he bought were something he thought was a prop toy gun that was actually a BB gun that he's never even seen. A knife that he was pretending to stab us with, but then immediately broke because it was like a dollar.

That's good. And then Szechuan stuff that all broke, and it spilled all over the place. And that was the end of his summer. She was devastated when she found out about the Szechuan stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this supposed to be for chicken, like McNuggets? I didn't really understand that.

It came out when Mulan came out in the 90s. And that's like, it's like an episode of the show. Oh, I see. He just loves it. Okay. He brought it back. The other thing with him was when we bought Kyle a Flash Gordon jersey, and Ben's grown now, so none of the Pats jerseys fit.

So I was like, do you need another Pats jersey? And he's like, I do. So I'm like, all right, I'm going to get you a new Pats jersey. Which one do you want? He's like, I want my name on it.aron hernandez no he didn't like that so i'm like all right you want your name on it so i'll get simmons what number is it no no i want melatonin that's his rap name you should know about it of course it's a name wants. So he wanted melatonin 69 because the rappers have 69. And I'm like, I'm 1,000% not doing that.

So he got 33. So Kyle has a flash quarter jersey, and my son has a melatonin 33. And he's like, it's going to be good for our first video. And I'm like, you're 11? You're going to jail? You just bought a BB gun online? You're 11 you're gonna you're gonna jail you just bought a bb gun online oh man so 33 for larry bird but on the patriots and melatonin is that why yeah okay 33 it's like a simmons family number and melatonin and he's all fired up i'll post an instagram photo he's

all fired up he thinks it's gonna be great for the rap video. Nice. And that's my son, who's now starting sixth grade, who is going to do the travel baseball and play for the football team. Oh, really? And hopefully not do Last Boy Scout with the prop gun he bought as he's running on the field. Well, there you go, CarMax. BB guns, knives, and concussions. We're back.

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What is it? You're writing a book. Oh we launched ringer books this week and you're writing a gambling guide i didn't know until you uh you posted that that i'm writing a book so you're writing a book we talked you into it you've spent the summer yeah um trying to write what 1400 words a week? Oh, no, more than that. No. So, yeah, over the summer it was more. I have like 20.

I don't know how the hell you did. You wrote a 700,000-word book. Every time I talked to you, you were just like, how did you do this? Well, I'm in awe of that because you probably had to read 100 books. But, yeah, I'm doing it. It's about gambling. I actually bet my editor that I would sell fewer than 18,500 books. So I'm hoping to win that bet. Do you really make the bet?

I did bet him, yeah. Oh, I'm taking the over. Well, I want to win. Taking the over on you and the Colts. I would like to win a bet. So I'm going to win. So it's going to be a memoir. It's going to be all your gambling stories. And it's basically going to be- Our friend Daniel, Harry, all these guys' stories. I didn't realize how many stories I have, but one by one, it's basically going to be our friend daniel harry all these guys's stories i didn't

realize how many stories i have but i just um one by one it's crazy it's a gambling memoir slash appreciation slash don't do this guy yeah you know like matthew berry has like information how to win fantasy writes a book on it this is like a how to stay away from here's what not to do yeah yeah well fortunately you have a lot of people in your life who gamble that's right so when are we thinking for when this comes out uh we still have another year i think and we need a title we need a title yeah maybe we'll have a title options i have to get all that stuff going oh that's that's in one of rossillo's favorite twitter gimmicks oh really just give me a title like do the open-ended question that people just post replies,

and then it makes it seem like you have a lot of engagement. Oh, right. Interesting. He goes crazy when people do that. Right, right, right. What did Priscilla do? What tweet did he do? It was something like, tell me something somebody said to you once.

Oh, right. And people replied to it. Right. No, that would be good to crowdsource for a title, though. Titles are hard. All right. The only thing is you get your feelings hurt a lot with those because people come at you with shitty titles.

How about you suck? Yeah. How about- Your book sucks. How to never win and you have to sell a book to get your family out of debt. Yeah, like all that stuff. Yeah. I'll do it.

But thank you for the opportunity. Well, you'll have more. Thank you for considering it. You son of a bitch. No free time now. I'm so excited I ruined your life. I have two podcasts. I don't want to brag or complain.

Two podcasts. I'm doing the Thursday night pregame show on Fox. I'm doing a comedy bit there. Yeah, we could do that. So when does that start? That starts week four. Fox's coverage starts week four. I think I'm going to go down to Lambeau Field and screw around.

So there's 11 Thursday nights you're doing that. Right. You're writing a book. Yeah. Two podcasts against all odds. You're monitoring your son for concussions. That's right. You got to keep it under one.

You're monitoring my son for God knows what. Under a half and lock it in Monday through Friday. Yeah. Wow. I think you can do it. It's good. Not to mention this is your favorite time of the year. Yeah, it really is.

It's good to be back. Season 13? Is it really 13? Unlucky 13. Season 13. A pleasure as always. And then we're coming back. So Tuesday, we're doing Guest Alliance for week one.

Right, on Monday night. We're taping it Monday night. Yeah, so it'll go overnight Monday night. you'll have it uh in your inboxes on tuesday making kyle work on labor day because that's that's that's what happens when your family it's the person you married you're what you're your aunt married into my family so you have no choice since that day you have no choice you'll get a half christmas day we'll give you half the day off the good thing is the the BB gun has been hidden, and the toy knife's already broken,

so it's safe to come back to my house. All right. The Szechuan sauce is all cleaned up. The Szechuan sauce is all already in the garbage. Cuz, good job by you. Good job by you. All right, thanks to ZipRecruiter. Thanks so much to CarMax.

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Be ready for that one. Guess the Lines, season 13. We're back. On the wayside, never once said I don't have feelings within. On the wayside, never once said I don't have feelings within.