The Bill Simmons Podcast - The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll

Episode Date: April 11, 2025

The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Joe House to discuss the Grizzlies' significant loss to the Timberwolves as the regular season comes down to the wire, and the most fun first round western conference matchups, and Luka Doncic returning to Dallas with the Lakers (2:16). Then Bill, House and Nathan Hubbard discuss Round 1 of the Masters, the top 4 gallery-favorite golfers this year, before trying to figure out who the golfer of the decade is (28:59). Finally Bill, Dave Chang, Cousin Sal, and James "Baby Doll" Dixon recount some of Thursday's highlights while they were at Augusta National, run through the greatest hits of Sal's many pranks, and dive deeper into the legend of Baby Doll (55:24). Host: Bill Simmons Guests:Joe House, Nathan Hubbard, Cousin Sal, Dave Chang, and James "Baby Doll" Dixon Producers: Kyle Crichton, Ronak Nair, and Jonathan Frias The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit www.rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please visit theringer.com slash RG to learn more. Listen to them to this episode for additional details. It must be 21 plus presidents like States game problem called when I had your gambler or visit RG dash help.com. Coming up. I am still at the masters. We're going to talk a lot about golf and we're going to do some, maybe at the top. It's all in that.

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You can watch them as video podcasts on Spotify. You can listen to them wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on Zach's YouTube channel that we launched as well. So check it out. I might pop on there next week. Fandel sports book. We're doing 30 on 30 on Fridays where you can bet on 30 point scores for the last

Friday of the NBA regular season. I'll be tweeting out my picks at some point on Friday coming up on this podcast. Joe house and I stayed up late here on the East coast to watch Minnesota, Memphis,, convincing. We're gonna talk about that and what the West picture looks like for the playoffs headed into the final weekend of the season. And then we talk about the Masters,

me and House and Nathan Hubbard, our fairway rolling house. We were at the course all day today, noticed a lot of stuff, we're gonna talk about that. And then last but not least, we had James Babydoll- Dixon on the Tuesday pod. Lot of questions from listeners, from people in my life. What's going on with that guy? So we dove into it with me and Sal and Chang and Babydoll

and we went for a full hour with him. So this is quite a podcast. I think we should bring in our friends from PearlJab. All right. We're taping this past midnight on the East coast because we are here in Augusta, Georgia. We're going to talk a lot of golf. We're going to do a big baby doll deep dive later. We have a lot of good stuff coming up on this podcast, but Joe House is here and we stayed up late to watch Minnesota Memphis, a game that yet again had dramatic Western conference ramifications.

Minnesota wins. Minnesota now the seven seed. Memphis now the eight seed. Looking like they're going to get absolutely slaughtered by OKC. Wait a minute. Unless, unless, unless they lose the eight, nine game. Unless they lose the eight nine game. So Memphis, 12 and 17 in their last 29, that includes the coach firing.

21st net rating in those games, not counting tonight. And they would play their Sacramento or Dallas in the eight nine game. And we were watching them this whole game and I've watched them a few times. They can't guard anybody anymore. It just feels like anyone can go off on them. If they go a little smaller, they can get bullied.

Um, they can't guard anybody's like perimeter point guard scoring guard type guy. It's a mess. And I just don't think they're any kind of threat whatsoever. I wholeheartedly agree. The interesting thing to me is this whole game flipped in the third quarter. It was, yeah, Memphis was winning at halftime. They were up five at halftime. It was 72 to 67.

We knew this. We knew this because you had a first half bet on Minnesota. That somehow, yeah, you played that perfectly. It worked out absolutely sublime as usual. But the third quarter was 52 to 25, 52 points in the third quarter for the Minnesota Timberwolves. What's the coach's name? Coach Beow? Yeah, T.O. Beow. T.O. Beow.

Yeah. The new Memphis coach who apparently didn't have any defensive playbook stuff. The O B O. T O B O. Yeah. The new, the new Memphis coach who apparently didn't have any defensive playbook stuff. The interim Memphis coach. Yeah. The Memphis coach for the moment. What a disappointment when you think where that team was three years ago versus where they're heading going forward and what their assets are.

And you think where that team was two months ago, two and a half months ago. The most interesting thing they have going is, oh, John Morant, he's doing a grenade now. He was doing the gun before, now he's doing the grenade celebration. It's like, how about play some fucking defense, John Morant? How about that? Why don't you guard somebody?

It's a team that needs some shaking up. The coach, fire. Like what? Would you trade for John Morant? If you're the wizard's jam. No, God, no. It'd make, they may, Jameran makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. You got the fourth pick in the draft.

Would you trade Jordan pool in the fourth pit for Jameran? No, well Jordan, no, no, no, no, no. I understand the marketing stuff. He's beloved in Memphis. Birdo reminds us of, you know, the trajectory he was on with a Nike relationship and with the league's interest in promoting him. As my friend Polly Walnuts once said, remember when is the lowest form of conversation. It wasn't that long ago.

Yeah, I get it. Well, so Ant has grabbed, and we knew this happened already, but Jai had that cool young on the rise superstar spot and aunt grabbed it and was awesome tonight. It looked now, who knows this could flip around, but Minnesota plays Brooklyn and Utah at home. Two teams that don't want to win games anymore. Worst case scenario, they're going to be a seven seed unless there's some sort of massive collapse. Gold State is at Portland, home for the Clippers, next to. So Minnesota could potentially climb to six,

where they'd play the Lakers, potentially. They assume the Lakers, they play home Houston and, uh, at Portland. I don't know. This is so good. I feel stupid. Even bringing up all the matchups. My point is if it's two seven and it's Houston, Minnesota, first of all, that's an awesome series.

That's an awesome series. Second of all, there's definitely going to be some sort of altercation altercations. I don't know what it'll be, but there will be an altercation. There'll be a fracas. A fracas and a fracas. So there'll be a Donnybrook. There's going to be an Imbroglio. An Imbroglio. Yes.

They're all of them. We're going to, they're all, they'll all be lined up. You and I've had this. We've known each other since 1988. We never liked to bet a playoff series where we don't have the best player in the series. Houston, Minnesota 2-7. The 7th seed would have the best player in the series. It is undeniable.

Now Houston has a bunch of awesome defensive players and athletes to throw at that best player. They could. Not only do they have Ahmed Thompson who's been coming on like a freight train, and I think has to be heard from in all defense. Tremendous. Not only have Dylan Brooks, who will try to start 19 fights with Ant. And I don't know if you remember that game

they had earlier in the season, which was one of the most fun games of the season. That's of Tari Isen. Yes. So this is like on paper, the perfect team to just throw dudes over and over again at, uh, at ant. So my guess is because of what I just said about, Oh, you never want to not have the best player in a series.

There's going to be Minnesota stuff, but I kind of like Houston if that's the matchup. That's interesting. I do have immense respect for email. I do think they will game plan to try and do their best to limit. And I do think they'll game plan to make sure that Julius Randall has a ball as much as possible. Yeah. But he was good tonight.

I he's figured out where he fits in on this Minnesota team from a bully ball standpoint, like Memphis went a little slow, small in that game tonight. And he was like, cool. I'm going to absolutely, he does that thing. He keeps banging into you, banging into you. Does a little fade away or he goes to the basket. I don't know. I do like his identity a little bit on this team.

My issue. And I've said it a couple of times. I think I said it earlier this week with Houston is I don't trust them scoring getting the tough buckets that you need in a playoff series. You give them credit for the wins lately though? They've had some nice wins. They need the tough buckets in a playoff series where the team has engineered a game plan

to take away what you do, what you wanna do on offense in the last six or seven minutes. There's bad advanced metrics for them in the half court. There's half court stats that are bad. There's crunch time stuff that's terrible. And that would be the hope if you're Minnesota is you have a guy who could score and Houston potentially doesn't.

And it's the Fred Ben Wheat step back. But I don't know, man. Houston feels like the perfect team to just frustrate Ant, throw all kinds of shit at him, throw little staggered little double teams at him. Just get him so that he wants to go in a hero ball mode against really good defenders. It's a really interesting series.

So as unexcited as I would be about Memphis OKC or Sacramento OKC or the Corps of Dallas against OKC. Dallas OKC. Yeah. Niko. Yeah, so then here's the other thing. So it looks like the Lakers can be the three seed. Now they could blow the Houston game on a, they have a home game against Houston who they, I don't know.

It just feels like the Lakers really like where they are right now against most teams, um, but let's say three six is Lakers, Golden State, all-timer, all-timer, all-time, all-time fun. First round. Just a history series. But we watched this happen two weeks ago and the Lakers are really good matchup for Golden State because they can go small. Any team where they can play Draymond at the five is a win for Golden State.

The league doesn't want that. The league does not want the Lakers and Golden State in the first round. Oh, I like where you're going with this. You want to rig it a little bit? Well, I was, let's, let's just pay attention to the referee assignments. That'll be one way you go referee assignments. That'll be one way. You go referee assignments. Just make sure we're monitoring all the data points that are out there that might, you know, impact how you want to handicap these last couple of games of the season. Just be mindful.

That's all I'm saying. Well, so we could get that and then Denver Clippers, but you know, that's not what the league wants. The league does not want Denver Clippers and using up all of the juice of this, you know, moment in LeBron's career. And this moment in Steph Curry's career. I don't want it. I don't want to see this in the first round.

I don't want to see Golden state and the Lakers in the first round. Counter that like we're going to have some sort of matchup where you're like, shit, I wish these teams were playing in round one. It's going to be somebody. If Kawhi is healthy with the Clippers, that's a fun matchup just period against anybody. And then this Denver team, we watched, we were studying the internet video of Denver beats the Kings, Adelman's first game as the interim coach gives a little speech locker room seemed kind of raucous for him after, and it really made me

think like it might even been worse than they were letting on just the vibe. I'm dying for Lakers Clippers in the first round. Lakers. It's, you know, it's never, it's never happened dying for it. Has it ever happened? I can't think of it. I don't, it's never happened. Dying for it. Has it ever happened? I can't think of it. I don't think it's ever happened. You would know you're the one that writes books.

I can't, I can't think of it. I feel like we've had moments. I remember an Oh six when, uh, when the Lakers were up three, one against the sons and then they fell apart and then Kobe didn't shoot in the second half because he was so mad at everybody. That was the year it was supposed to be Lakers Clippers. I don't, other than that, I don't, I don't think it's ever happened. I just love that.

It happened in the bubble, the LA conch aspect of it. Like conch. Cause Balmer with his brand new stadium. Yeah. Right. And, and we have finally have healthy Kawhi, the Clippers absolutely positively will not, you know, go down that they are not going to let the Lakers bully them.

Yeah. Uh, and then I'm, I'm, I quite like the idea of Denver and golden state as, as a series in the first round. That's another one. Golden state. I don't think golden state probably feels like they have a more complete team, better bench. They'll just let Yoko Chavez 35, 15 and 12 and take out everybody.

Denver, the one thing they did, they, they, they started pick it and played him big minutes and seems like they try to confine Westbrook to like, and he was two for 11 and 17 minutes, but, uh, some of the stuff that came out, the athletic had a piece about how Westbrook was a big lightning rod with booths and it sounds like everything was the lightning rod with those guys, but Malone was playing Westbrook too much. The front office was really upset about that. I mean, he did. He's a nightmare in these crunch times.

They, they were resting guys. Like what do you want them to do? I don't know. They keep choosing. This is the game where Porter, uh, Jr. will, will sit out. This is the game that Jamal is going to sit up. Jamal has got an injury that needs some nursing. Where do you stand on just firing your coach in the last month or the last week of the season? Cause we did not grow up with.

I'm flabbergasted by it. I don't understand it. And it doesn't look like, I mean, why did they just fire the GM? That would have been fine. Like if it was all about, this was such a poisonous thing. Why not fire the GM and then figure out they, they must have also felt like the coach had just completely lost the team.

It's the only explanation. I told you, I think that Josh Cronke should have stood up and said, this is on me. There was a moment a long time ago when somebody in that management structure should have intervened and said, we're not going to let this happen. We're not going to have a poisonous relationship and have tension inside this building. But they're, they're patient with all their coaches though, in all the sports. That this is how they do it.

This isn't, they were not, they weren't patient. They just find they weren't. That doesn how they do it. This is they were not, they weren't patient. They just found they weren't. That doesn't make any sense. I think they felt like, you know, we've one of the great offensive players of all time. We're going the wrong way. Can we still salvage this? These West matchups are fucking crazy to figure out why not.

How are they going to salvage it? They, well, they're announcing this was done the way it was. So at least if we do this, maybe it's not done, but this version is done. What's this? What do this is fire the coach, try to change the energy around the team, the energy put somebody in there

who's actually going to play, you know, the, the younger guys and not Russell Westbrook. I don't know. It's the end of the season. What are we doing? Can we talk about what we saw in that? And now granted Chang was making dinner for 20 people. So we had the Laker game on and we're trying to watch them.

We caught up on all the highlights, but I happened to be watching live when Luca just started breaking down during that whole. You called us all over. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Cause I was like, is he getting choked up? Cause he's got no sound on. I couldn't believe it. Cause I was like, is he getting choked up? Cause it's not sound on. It's not believable.

I can't ever remember in the history of sports, a situation like this with a team. I'm talking about Dallas. It reminds us is once again, it's just another chapter in this book that's called, this is the dumbest fucking thing in the history of sports. So chapter 23, the first time that the player that we traded and then immediately started dragging down in every public forum we could. And then we made Slovenian t-shirts for him and did a video. And then did like a five minute celebration video.

It is the dumbest fucking thing. All the incredible things that he did for that franchise to make them relevant. That they were on an ascending trajectory. I was excited to see them in these playoffs this year with Luca. I bet them to exceed their win total. I was bullish on this Dallas team. It's fine for him to have the injury that he had. Well, he wanted to exceed their win total. I was bullish on this Dallas team. It's fine for him to have the injury that he had. Well, he wanted to work out on it, work out his injury on his own.

So I mean, you know, it's, it's, it's the fuck off Mavericks and that's the way they're going to be for the next five years. That would be a good t-shirt. The fuck off Mavericks. Two things. One, I've never seen. It's almost like when they have those probability things of like a coin toss. And it's like, this guy rolled, flipped a quarter and 23 straight times that came up heads.

The Mavericks 23 straight times have made the wrong decision where I've completely disagreed with whatever they decided to do. Starting with shopping, the not, starting with shopping, not shopping the trade. Not shopping. Like you go on through every single piece, then the trade happens. The way they handled it, the way Mark Cuban didn't do anything. And then all of a sudden went on his little tour pretending he didn't have anything to do with it.

Even though he didn't. I heard a wrinkle here in the last 10 days or so that I hadn't heard before. What was it? Which was the idea. The Mavericks had a concussion. Concussion barely covers it. It was, it's brain damage that, um, Palinka was less than forthcoming, less than truthful, less than a hundred percent upfront about the nature of Anthony Davis's injury.

Have you heard anything about this? I have not. That Polinka took advantage of his relationship with his protege, the sneaker boy, and an element of that was an injury that he characterized in their conversations was something that Anthony Davis could overcome was not going to be, you know, as it doesn't matter. Like to me, that's irrelevant. It was still the stupidest trade of our lifetime. Well, I don't disagree.

Get Austin Reeves in the trade, fuck faces. I have no argument with that. You say it remains again, the dumbest effing trade. Also, like if they had called us in, I've said this before, but did anyone bring up, yo, you might be lighting a fire under him. This is already a stupid trade, but the person you're trading, you're basically killing off that person. And he's going to be a much more motivated version of the same person, which is going to be bad for, like, just don't do this. I wonder what, off to your Davis point, I wonder what happens if they bring them in for physical.

They already have the outcry and then they fail him the physical, the way the Lakers failed Mark Williams. They just, they, and they void the trade. I wrote to you. That would be an amazing, that would have been an amazing outcome. And then let it fire under Luca anyway, in the first 12 hours after the trade. Yeah. I wrote in our text thread when all of us were trying to make some sense out of it.

What if this was the most Machiavellian big ball, big baller move, but by Nico, which is, you know, to create a market that he couldn't otherwise create by failing Anthony Davis on the physical and having every team in the league now see that he's available. Cause it just takes too much time and energy to shop Luca and see what might come out of the woodwork to each of the remaining 32 teams. I mean, we were here in Augusta, Georgia, in the company of a really, God, I love

that conversation so much, an NBA upper, upper highest echelon person who shared with us that the price available, all I'm going to say, they would have paid any price. There was no price that was not on the table. I think a lot of teams felt that way. You know who didn't get a chance to participate? All the other teams. 31 teams in the league or 30 teams in the league. And the two expansion teams, they also would have traded everything.

That's right. Well, so that the one thing is just, I can't believe how many decisions in a row the Mavericks screwed up. Even to this week with the way they handled everything was amazing. The second thing, you know, and we've been moving this way now for 20 years. And maybe Jordan even started it in the nineties where player, where fans, like they play are more than a team. We've never seen a trade where the fans went with the player.

Right. So true. We've, we saw Lebron fans follow him to Cleveland, Miami, back to Cleveland, LA, just cause they were LeBron fans. We've seen the phenomenon in the 21st century of I just like this player, I'm following them wherever. Maybe it's Kevin Durant, whoever it is. We've never seen a fan base kind of switch sides against the team, but yet it kind of

makes sense cause you think like people get divorced all the time. Sure. Right. What is it like 50% of marriages and divorce? That's the stat. Is that the way you say it? So nervously, you never tell me. Um, but, but this, this could be the first ever. I've divorced my team and now I am following Luca and the Lakers and that's my new team.

I felt like there was real seeds in the stands last night. I don't know if it was just Laker fans. Those might, some of those fans might've just been Mavs fans who are now like, fuck it. I'm a Laker fan. I don't think that's up for debate. I think that there is a large body of evidence. But this could be the next 10 years of like every time he comes back, he's treat the Lakers are treated like it's a, it's a home game for the Lakers in Dallas.

I expect that. There's only one outcome now. And this has been the conspiracy the whole time, but that, that the family gets the Vegas team and they make the Dallas team, the expansion team. That's actually like a realistic outcome now. The league can't count on that. Can the league really live with that outcome? Well, that would be a bad outcome for the league. What if Cuban bought the team back?

I mean, Mark Cuban conquering hero coming out. I shouldn't have sold the team. Let me, I'll take them back now. My bad. And maybe, maybe it's worth less because they've destroyed a billion dollars of value. I think at least a billion dollars. I think it's easy. You could easily run a math exercise and get to 2 billion. I think we didn't plan on this. Let's do it right now.

Teams you would rather own than the Mavericks. I'll just list every team. than the Mavericks. I'll just list every team. Okay. See Cleveland, Boston, Houston, the Knicks. You'd want to own all of those teams over the Mavericks. True story. Lakers, Indiana.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Denver. Sure. Clippers new arena. Amazing. Golden state.

Sure. Denver. Sure. Clippers, new arena. Amazing. Golden State, sure. Memphis? I would rather own Memphis, yes. Really? Well, they have some things that they have to figure out, but they have assets, they have moves. I'd rather own Dallas. Minnesota?

Oh, Minnesota's awesome. Milwaukee? There, that's a, they're in a, in a crossroads spot. I'd rather have Milwaukee. Detroit? Detroit's incredible. Rather have Detroit. How about that?

If I told you two years ago, you'd rather own the Detroit Pistons than Dallas Mavericks. Well, two years ago, no. You say no way. Orlando? Yeah, I'd rather have Palo. I'm in Florida, no state tax. I guess that's right.

Sacramento. Now we're getting close. Now it's getting a little bit more of a, yeah. Yeah, that's the first one. Atlanta, I'd rather have Atlanta. Me too. Chicago, I'd rather have Chicago and be in a major city. Miami, heat culture.

Come on. Phoenix. So. Tough one. Yeah. Because you inherit the crazy luxury tax and all the terrible front office stuff. I think I'd rather have Dallas. I'd rather have Dallas too.

They're in a very similar. I feel like I can get out of my Dallas situation. They're in a very similar situation. Portland. Portland's great. I'd rather have Portland out of my Dallas situation. They're in a very similar situation. Portland? Portland's great. I'd rather have Portland. San Antonio, obviously. Toronto?

I'd rather be Toronto. Yeah, yeah. Toronto. Brooklyn? Black Sheep, New York scene, but I might get Cooper flag in two months. And I have a bunch of picks. I'd rather be Brooklyn. Philly.

Depends on where that pick is. Five years from now. Yeah. New Orleans. No, I would much rather have to be Dallas than New Orleans. Okay, there's another one. Not even close. Would you rather be Charlotte or Dallas?

Dallas. Hard Dallas, hard Dallas. What if you got the flag pick? So Dallas unless Charlotte gets the flag pick pick and I'd rather be Utah, would you rather be the wizards or Dallas? Would you rather own Washington or Dallas? So me, if it was me, anyone normal person. Well, I mean that, that's, that makes it different.

The problem with, with Washington is there has been no validation of the proof of concept. It's been moribund for two decades now. I think I'd rather have Dallas. I understand. So we, the point is it was less than six teams. Yes. And a year ago you would have put Dallas in the top eight. They were in the finals with Luca.

They're in the finals with an awesome Yeah. They're in the finals. Come on. They had an awesome team. It's like a, you know. So maybe Mark Cuban buys them back for like 2.5 million dollars. He makes. 2.5 billion? It's back for a billion. Yeah, he gets it back for a billion cheaper.

It's just. I'm in a really conflicted spot by the way. Why? Because I kind of enjoy Luca and like, I, I do want him to stick it to them, but he's on the Lakers, the team that other than the Yankees, I hate the most. And this is like really agonizing for me. They have Austin Reeves who I really enjoy watching.

They have Luca who I enjoy the comeback thing, the Lebron things, fascinating. The most comeback thing. The LeBron thing's fascinating. The most incredible thing, and this is why we should never put ourselves in the position of underestimating what the NBA is capable of, is that the first, what was it, quarter of the season, the narratives were stop putting the effing Lakers and the effing Golden State Warriors on television.

It's sick of watching them. Right. They stink. There's nothing those teams can do to improve themselves. We're basically ESPN classicing the league with these two teams. Exactly. Can you please promote some of these younger players? OKC, Cleveland, Detroit, show us some new people.

We want to see that. And ratings down and then they're going to, they're going to stay down. Like where, what can flip this? And here we are now with both of those two franchises. We can't wait to see these Western players. The irony of that Lakers Warriors round one, the biggest ratings in round one history and Adam's over like, ah, that's exactly right. And everyone of their TV partners, like, yeah, two things happen.

Football ended in the league, figured out how to get Luca thatches to the Lakers for 80% off. Unbelievable. Who are you picking? Who are you picking for the West right now? Still okay. See? Yeah, it's gotta be okay.

See me too. All right. We're going to take a break. come back with House and Nathan talking masters. The Bill Simmons podcast brought to you by FanDuel, its final stretch to the NBA season, the playoff picture changing literally by the minute. From three-pointers to steals to assists, FanDuel has so many ways to bet your favorite player props. Plus, after the game tips off, you can combine live prop bets into a same game parlay

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All right. Taping this seven o'clock Eastern time. This part of the podcast, Joe house is here. Nathan Hubbard is here from our fairway rolling podcast. We've been at the masters all week. We went to round one today, trying to keep it a little big picture, just because by the time some people hear this, the masters round two will be going. Things change.

I'm pretty sure Justin Rose is going to be at minus 14 in two days. He has a minus seven now. Scott is at minus four. Why are you making a never say never? Why are you, why are you, uh, taking something away from Justin Rose? He could be minus 14. Uh, I'll give you a hundred dollars. A hundred. You can afford more than that, buddy.

Well, whatever. I'm not saying he's not going to be minus 14 after two days. It's not likely, uh, big picture stuff. First thing, the gallery excitement thing, because we did not have Tiger Woods this time around. And I was trying to think who, and we were able to watch practice rounds on Tuesday, the par three was yesterday's guys were. Messed around. Nathan.

I had a great moment. Well, tell that, tell the moment when we stumbled into those guys on, uh, on the fifth hole yesterday. On the fifth hole. Yeah. When it was Rory and we had Rory playing with Fleetwood and Rom and who was the fourth guy they were betting Shane Lowry and. Lowry. And they had split into teams and it was, it was clearly Tommy and Rom were playing, or Shane and Rom were playing Tommy and Rory and they were definitely betting.

Having a great old time. We were like, these guys are nice and loose. Yeah. But the big thing is Rory, the gallery moves a little differently. And it made me wonder if he now has the conch, as they said, Lord in the Flies, the conch, is that what it was called? Yeah, I mean, and that's the irony and the sadness

of what we just watched happen down the stretch today, because you're exactly right, that he has the energy, he has the crowd, and he kind of was the main character coming in to this masters, playing the best of of anyone two wins on American soil for the first time coming into a masters. And what did we talk about on Tuesday? His problem has been his Thursday score. Yeah. Anytime he plays well on Thursday, he's performed well in these majors. So you think two straight bogeys?

Two straight, two double bogeys. Two straight double bogeys down the stretch. Suboptimal. Bogies. Two straight, two double bogies. Two straight double bogies down the stretch. Suboptimal. How's, how did we get here where he's the number one gallery guy? Cause it was Tiger forever and if Tiger was here, it would still be Tiger. And Rory, when you see him in person, he's jacked. He's not gigantic.

Nice little, nice little Irish guy, but the fans fucking love him. I think two things. In the first place, he became the de facto voice of the PGA tour for all of the, uh, processing in professional golf of the rift between the players that left for live and the PGA tour. And he really was the voice of the tour making arguments on behalf of the tour. He was the front man, not the commissioner of the tour, Rory Effing McElroy. So that is sort of one element of it.

He was a prominent face and prominent voice and he's articulate. He's always, he always gives a sincere interview. So there's a likability factor. You go to authenticity, which is a big term in the mid 2020s. They say, say that people think Roy's authentic. Turns out authentic wins. Yeah. Um, and the other element is this sort of, I don't want to overstate it.

It's not tragedy that he can't win another slightly star-crossed. Yes. Slightly. Yes. Enough because he's been super competitive and a handful of majors. There's been this question since the last major he won in 2014, when will he win his next? And he has been super close a handful of times and not able to get across the goal line.

So there is that element as well. Anything to add on that one, Nate? I think that the last time that we really saw him in a competitive major was at that US Open and he missed two short putts. And he has been doing all this work over these last however many months to get himself mentally to a place where he could overcome that 14 today he had a short putt It was a birdie putt but he pushed it ever so slightly right rolled over the cup Next hole he doubles two holes later. He doubles and he finds himself seven behind

There's no energy that the crowd could give him. He just sapped the energy out of the place. More, uh, more terrible Rory putts and shots today or more meals for you today? What was the bigger number? That meals for her. It's such a pleasure to see you not eating for a half hour. No, I Rory putt, uh, Rory putt, like whatever salve dropped in the upstairs bathroom this morning.

Oh my God, we can't talk about that. So Rory's improbably a clear number one. I feel like Tiger had that spot forever. Mickelson was in there for a little bit. For a little bit. Yeah, well he's more of a kind of villain. He's also 54 years old. I'm saying way back. Oh yeah.

Sure. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Phil. Yeah. He had it a little bit. Yeah.

It's a, it's a pretty small group of people in general, but we, I asked you who you think the top four is right now for gallery. Just watching the way the gallery moves. And when, when you're at the masters, especially when the tournament starts, people, they'll go two holes ahead anticipating when the person's coming, they wanna get like a good spot so they can get as close as possible. Or you'll have the gallery just following,

which is like, you said today when Tigers in the masters, when he was playing, it was like two separate tournaments happening. It was like the gallery following Tiger 25 deep and then everybody else who's also in the tournament. Right. Um, so it's interesting to watch and the number two guy on my list. It was pretty surprised by it's Bryson.

Like clearly unquestionably. And I gotta say it's he's edging closer to the worry spot than I, than I thought. And people, so what is it? Like, let's go through all the reasons here. It's a massive turnaround from a guy who the last years ago, he came into the masters had eaten so poorly, speaking of eating badly, that his body was shutting down and he was getting dizzy and falling over here at Augusta. So you were Bryce. Both. Okay.

I, I, the difference is today, Brice and four years ago, Brice and learned his lesson and has this interesting narrative arc where he's bounced back and starting really house. You mentioned it. It started with his YouTube series where he really, all of the guys who went to live talked about growing the game. Only one guy has actually worked at it and done something different, has it? Yeah, and it's a combination of him having whatever the instinct was to sort of create a personality on YouTube.

Like he's a real, he's a creator and it's interesting content. And he does the series is breaking 50. He started it in the fall of 23. Uh, and it was a weird kind of, of moment, um, for him because he had gone over to live, people were, you know, in, in two camps still in that 2022, 2023 timeframe. But he's like, you know what? I have this thing I'm going to do. It was, it was the breaking 50 thing and it became very popular. Now it has 1.8 million subscribers, but then he went and played excellent

golf on the heels of this YouTube thing. He played great at the PGA championship last year at Valhalla. And Nathan was there on the grounds experiencing the pop, the crowd pop. Right? Yeah. He chipped in to end his third round on Saturday and the place went apeshit. He looked into the camera and did the let's go like he was a YouTube creator. And so all of the energy on Sunday was around Bryce and he didn't quite catch

Xander, but three weeks later he walked into the U S open. I'm telling you, he was the main character there, both for the fans, but also the players were watching him because they felt the energy change in Valhalla. It carried over to pine forest number two and it's out there on the course right now. But he's not crushing the ball like he did four years ago, like as far, right? It's different, different kind of game.

Little bit different game. He's matured. He's still hitting the piss out of it. Yeah, but not like we'll never see it again like it was a few years ago. I mean, it's interesting the way you lay it out, it's like, it's basically the arc, backlash, re-arc that most influencers and people, you know,

on TikTok or YouTube stars or like the people my daughter likes where it's like, I love this person. Oh, they got in a fight. Oh, they got canceled. No, they're back. And he kind of jammed all that into four years because there was like, it really felt like the backlash had arrived for him

in a major way and now it's gone. Right before he and Brooks went to live, the biggest storyline in golf was the rift between Bryson and Brooks and Brooks was bullying Bryson and there's, you know, a bunch of really negative stuff, negative energy was happening. It was clearly affecting Bryson. And then, you know, fast forward to this moment, he's like, he's all the way up here. My hand is very high up and Brooks is a curious place. I had Brooks. So we have Rory one, Bryson two. My hand is very high up and Brooks is in a curious place. Brooks is in a curious place.

So we have Rory one, Bryce and two. Well, let's say I'll do three and four quick. And then we'll talk about the guys who fell off, which includes Brooks. So what's interesting is Spieth is third and it's master's specific. I'm not sure if it's any, every tournament, but one of the great things about the masters, we were walking the course with a couple people today who were coming to the Masters for the first time, didn't really know all the history,

and we were explaining Spieth and how there are these certain tragic figures of Augusta, and they just carry the skeletons around with them as you see them, and you're just like, oh man, just hope, I hope they could break out of this that one time. And you know, it was Greg Norman for ever 30 years, 25, 30 years ago. And speech.

Now that guy, we're like, Oh man, it'd be so nice if he won one more time. And the gallery does follow him and swell up for him. It's interesting. Yeah. I looked at the picture from the champions dinner where he's there with a green jacket, but he's sort of in the back row and he feels like removed from the rest of the guys. Like he just so badly wants one and he had one in his hands. I mean, the other guy in that picture is Danny Willett who has a green jacket because Jordan Spieth coughed up a five shot lead on the 12th hole in just an absolute meltdown of

putting ball after ball after ball into the water. And so that ghost hangs over him. It's not unlike the Rory arc. It's just that in that moment in time, in 2015, he wins two majors. He is being called the golden child by everybody. He's handsome kid. He's 21 years. And so to see him continue to struggle, this place wants him of all people, I think, to win another green jacket. And how old is he now?

He's like early thirties, mid twenties. Yeah. Yes. And he's got kids and he's coming off of injury, but still compelling. Still, you know, people recall because he's been in our lives for 10 years now. Yeah. And when you have that, um, you know, that meteoric appearance into the scene and he's, he's charismatic.

And that's one of the things with, with golf, that's why Bryson, you know, that meteoric appearance into the scene and he's, he's charismatic. And that's one of the things with, with golf. That's why Bryson, you know, resonates Bryson's charismatic. He understands the sort of entertainment proposition. Well, he's not so big in person, which I think is one of the things that works in the gallery and that's like the worry thing is where it goes the other way. We're like, wow, he's not a giant guy. Anyway, speed three and then Scottie's four. We were like, wow, he's not a giant guy.

Anyway, speed three and then Scottie's four. Um, more cause he's just been dominated in the decade, but I still don't feel like. There's, there's something that he hasn't achieved yet from a Scottie's on 15. We got to go over there. There's something missing and I don't know what it is. That's it. Last year when his statistics were analogous to some of the best Tiger years, people just don't get as enthused about Scottie and I think that's part of his superpower.

Like he is very even keeled, he's a man of deep faith, he's a family guy now, he talks about that and he doesn't talk about much else that's particularly interesting out on the golf course. So you can go watch him, his swing is interesting, he plays interesting, but he's not really a character. And that's part of why he's been so successful and able to win all these tournaments, I think, because he's dispassionate in those moments.

Yeah, Rom's almost more interesting in person just because he's you know, who is right away volatility of, you know, his his game and his temper that that's an attractive kind of entertaining proposition. What does Scotty have to do? Like facial hair? Where would you add? Well, I will say this. I do think like- Crazy hair, bleach blonde hair.

He got arrested. It didn't help. Tattoos? On, I've never been to a Masters on a Saturday. I wonder if people, cause like he's in- When he gets close to the hunt. He's the odds on favorite right now. He's plus 190 to win this golf tournament.

He opened at plus 460 or 450 to win this golf tournament. Just being three back from the leader. Man, come on. His odds already went down. Yeah. And the data, I mean today, this is the thing about Scottie. He's got this floor that he's always going to play well.

He is third tee to green this year, which is to say his game off the tee and approach has been awesome. Today it was mediocre, but he was fifth in putting overall. He just finds ways to go get it done. And that, I watched that, look, he played with my brother,

both Saturday and Sunday at the PGA, the days after he got arrested. And on Saturday, there was definitely a lull in the energy. He didn't play great. He'd come off that day where he'd walked in on Friday and gotten arrested. And then he actually put up a good round that day. Saturday, he was just okay. Sunday, heading into the back nine, it's clear he's not going to win. But he and my brother tied through 10 holes. They're both free under at that point. Scotty puts the pedal down, shoots five under on the back and finishes top 10. We get in the clubhouse.

My brother turns to me and goes, that's why he's the number one player in the world. He just has a floor that is so high and a button. He's just got a go button. And when he hits it, he's the best in the world. What about a Berg? Well, he's the second last year minus four today. Uh, he passes the only thing about him. He's the second last year. Yeah minus four today He passes the in-person test He is like a fucking badass. Yeah, I do think he was helped also By the TGL the TGL helped us learn a bit more about some of these guys and he was dominant in some of his

Appearances on that like if you tuned in on a February, Tuesday night, you're like, let me just see what the thing is about. And you happen to catch his team, whichever it's like one of the California teams was the base, I don't remember, but he's like, he was, um, noticeable, distinct, separated himself from other people from how well he played. Yeah. We've, we've been told this guy's a golf Swedish golf robot since he came out of college just a couple years ago. Right. And now he's out there playing the part. And we would have said coming into this tournament after a second place finish last year, this is the guy. It's just that he got sick after winning at Torrey Pines and he has not looked the same.

Well, no, he got sick at the Farmers and then won at Torrey Pines after, but he's been up and down. He missed two cuts coming into this Masters. He just, he just, we, we just didn't know how it was going to play out today. He's first tee to green. He was mid in putting only 40th. So that should scare the crap out of everybody as we head into the weekend. Cause if he starts putting better on these greens after having been in the

pressure situation last year, maybe he is that golf robot and can go get it done. So he's honorable mention and then Rob's honorable mention. The falling off list, it's been interesting. We've been coming since 2018. That is our fourth time in the last seven years. And the Brooks thing has definitely shifted. And it's just not, not an event anymore.

When he's like, oh, here comes Brooks, like whatever. I feel like it's because he's always mailed it in. That's been his reputation is that he just kind of mails it in until the majors. And so we built up this lore around him that he's going to show up and win. But when that stops after that 23 PGA championship and it goes away, then he's just a guy. It might be just a guy. He has won top 20 since winning that PGA championship in Then he's just a guy. Might be just a guy. He has one top 20 since winning that PGA championship in, in, in a major in 2023.

And nobody's watching him on live and he's not out there kicking ass on live. So who is he? Like what's the compelling reason to go like, Oh, I want to go watch Brooks. What? Good. So you can see him shoot two over. What do you end up today? Yes, there. to go watch Brooks. What? So you can see him shoot two over. What do you end up today? Yes, there.

Okay. Right. So great. And DJ was the other one who had that going for a few years. DJ that makes me sad. He's so much talent and he was one of the most consistent guys on tour. He won a PGA tour event every year for like 15 years. He got over the hump with his, uh, us open win in terms of majors at Oakmont.

Incredible. Validated that with a masters, a dominant masters win in the COVID year fall, November of 2020, super weird, but he went on and kicked everybody's ass. And then, you know, they waved a checkout. I've been homies like, ah, I'm going to go fishing. All right. If I go fishing, I go fishing. There's a little Fred couples

Enjoyment that you could feel and he played well today too, but he's he's become the new old guy Yes, it was Watson for a while. It was Nicholas before him and it feels like now it's Fred couples It helps that he's got Nance's blessing So Nance every single round announces how Fred he did and today he hold out on 14 with a, with a hybrid. He chipped in on the front. So like that he was bringing energy to the crowd. We, we could hear it out there. Um, one thing I want to do quick was the golf for the decade,

cause we're halfway through. So Scotty has the most PGA tour wins 13, Roy's got 11, Ram's got eight. Scotty, Bryce and Xander and Rom both have two majors each. So it's, it's in progress, but Scotty has a chance over these next couple of majors to basically take the lead. So I went back and I was trying to figure out, could you figure this out for each decade? And it's hard. Yeah, there's some-

2010 to 2020, especially is hard. Yeah, because Roy had 18, 2020, especially as hard. Yeah. Cause we had Roy at 18 PGA tour wins at four majors. Brooks had four majors. So Rory technically from the stats, Spieth was 11 and three. It's Rory, but I don't think anybody's like 2010s. I think of Rory first. Well, it's a split decade.

Rory owned 10 to 14 and Brooks owned 15 to 20. Which is a little what the nineties were like too. The two thousands, Tiger, Tiger won 59 times and he won 12 majors. So he dominated that. The nineties are a mess. They're a little like the 2010s. Nick Price had the most wins 16. He had three majors. It was all kind of clumped together same way. Uh, and then tiger kind of dominated the last couple of years there. He ended up with 15 wins and two majors in like three years. 97 Augusta. Yeah.

So it's a little, that one was a little split. The eighties is Watson. He was 19 and five, pretty clear. Um, and then seventies was Jack 38 and eight. And then the sixties was a nice little Palmer Nicholas battle. Wonderful. 43 for Palmer 30 for Nicholas PJ Torwinds seven majors for Nicholas six for Palmer. So it wasn't, I thought it would be easier to go through the decades. Like, Oh, that was that guy's decade.

And it's kind of not. I think with this decade though, Scotty could take it. Cause when he, when he started coming up, it was that guy's decade. And it's kind of not, I think with this decade though, Scotty could take it. Cause when he, when he started coming up, it was the beginning, sometimes you need luck with this stuff. Um, and now it feels like he's positioned the best. The thing I think we need to see from Scotty, he needs to win a major. That's not the masters.

That's what will really, I think, advance his, his cause. I mean, the year that he had last year in 2024 was so Tiger ask and we fought each other, you know, all season long. Do we dare say Tiger's name in the context of what I mean, the man won the gold medal, which is f-ing awesome. Yeah. And it really meant a lot to him. He had the wins on tour.

He won the tour championship. He had the masters. He came, uh, I, he had a moment where there was like the, the, the single most prominent thing that occurred for the PGA for all of professional golf last year was him getting arrested at the gate of a major championship as the number one ranked player in the world, because the cop didn't know who the hell he was. So there is like, it's a very interesting arc

where we're ready to anoint him. I would like that to happen. Tiny bit more charisma. I mean, the menu that he served for the champions dinner this week, Chang talked about it. It was the least expensive menu of any menu that any champion coming in had offered up

over the last decade because it was like sliders. Red fish and chili. Yeah, right down the middle. Fuzzy Zara was excited about it. But we have been looking to anoint somebody since Tiger. And in a lot of ways, that's been the problem with golf. We got also used to having a guy, a Jordan, a LeBron in the sport.

In the absence of it, you just pointed it out. It was hard to actually find the guy now for the last 10 plus years as Tigers been hurting out. So we keep trying to see if that's going to happen. It's not and I think that's probably part of the reason why there's been a struggle to get more attention, more eyeballs on golf. I think Bryson winning the Masters could actually catapult him into that position ahead of Rory even in this moment.

I agree. I agree with this because Bryson now like 2 million subscribers to his YouTube thing. And he gets a plus list people that come do breaking 50 with him. Who could have guessed? Biffy Bryson. Unbelievable stuff. Everybody loves a comeback. Biffy Bryson. Unbelievable stuff. Everybody loves a comeback. Beefy Bryson and Beefy Nathan.

When do we eat again? Do we eat before the next podcast segment? Nathan and I are both going on a diet after this week. Ozenpa Jafie was going to show up for the PGA. He was housing Bojangles last night, dipping in a ranch, eating the rice thing Chang made late. At 1.30 in the morning. I'm feeling great. 1.30 in the morning. An amazing beef short rib and kimchi fried rice by Chef Chang at 1.30 in the morning.

Unbelievable. We come back from a party and we're kind of hungry and Chang's just there making stuff. Chang's the true hero. He's a bigger hero than Scotty Scheffler. The number one. He owns Augusta. So this is our fourth masters together. At least yes. Anything different, anything better or worse? Because I think the thing that always strikes me is that I get the exact same feelings, vibes every time. Well, here's the thing. It's the first without Tiger, which is why we began this whole segment. I mean, the thing that, that is a galvanizing, uh, where is he on the golf

course when the tournament starts and let's go see how many, what we can catch. I mean, the most noteworthy thing from two years ago was the birdie that we saw with our own two eyes on Thursday on the 16th hole and that beautiful amphitheater that surrounds 16. And the roar, he finished the first round at one under, you know, top 10 on the leaderboard was able to continue his make the cut streak, made cut streak. And we were there to witness like that's that was in my memory banks, my sporting experiences, I have a lot of great ones.

It will always be there. Tiger on 16, you know, at the sort of end of his career, still rocking it at the masters. What about the par three people picking up their kids? That's you. You'll forever hold that against Russell Henley. He'll forever hold that against Russell Henley. This is an old guy thing for me. I just, I don't know where, how we started involving young kids into professional sports.

Everyone has kids. Congratulations. You had a kid. Poppy McElroy made a putt that was really like inconceivable. We have kids now taking shots in the par three of these people that are waiting. They're like, here are my kids. Whiffing it into the water. They're not even good.

Here are my four kids that are going to, it's like, I actually wonder're like, here are my kids. Whiffing it into the water. They're not even good. Oh, here are my four kids that are gonna, it's like, I actually wonder, like did anybody who had their kids in the par three yesterday play well today? No, that's- I bet Justin Rose didn't have his kids out there, maybe he did. Yeah, Bryson doesn't have kids, that's right.

Right. It seemed like, when you have little kids like that, and we've all had little kids, you're just constantly worried they're gonna just do something stupid. Like when they're six, five, seven, and you have them out in a group of public people, like I would have been terrified of Ben.

Ben would have like run into the freaking water and jumped in. The only good moment for kids on that par three contest ever, I think is when Jack Nicholas had his grandson take a tee shot and he made a hole in one. But at that point he was a grown man. That's the thing, if it's Jack Nicholas,

you can do it every while with your kids. This is your thing, I don't care, doesn't matter. Par three's a fun thing. I just wanted something to be grumpy about, I love the Masters. Less kids. Sure. I didn't fly here to see other people's kids.

Yeah, how about this, don't go. You don't have to go to part three. But we did it. We only saw like one hole. To be fair, we didn't. There we go. But we did see Butler Cabin. We did see Butler Cabin. Scott Van Pelt. Give that man a kiss on the top of his head. Except he's too tall. Alright, so you guys, when are you doing the next Fairway Rolling?

Sunday night recap. We will be, you know, plausibly live for a reaction. You should bring your, both bring your kids in to chip in the podcast. It'll be like the par three. Definitely not doing that. You can lift your kids up during the pod. We'll have our last meal and then I'm gonna retire.

I gotta hang up the food. You know what's funny though? You're gonna be doing that at the same time your son is watching Clippers Warriors for playoff position and his head might explode. You might be cleaning up shrapnel of his head. That'll be an interesting way to bring him into the pod then. And you, are you going to be able to get Cooper tickets?

Cause you cowered it out and didn't get the. Thank you for holding this over my head. The only person who complains more about that than my son is you. That's good. I'm going to egg him on. That's part of my job. I convinced Chang's wife to have another kid. I'm just, yeah, it's all about the kids.

All right, thanks guys. Thanks. All right. Unwrap the early days of your favorite hockey stars with Tim's new retrospective rookies hockey cards featuring exclusive NHL and PWHL players and retired legends. Collect them all only at Tim's

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and restoration of Canadian forests through the Miele Forest Initiative. Join us in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit Miele.ca to learn more. Taping this part of the podcast with David Chang, cousin Sal, James, Baby Doll Dixon, one of the biggest celebrities here at the Masters this week. Sal, what were the highlights other than we,

so let me set the scene. You don't have your phone at the Masters. And if you're with a group of people, the goal is don't get separated from the people. It's the worst thing you can do because you have no way of contacting them. So you take it from here, so. Yeah, and it was looking like back in 1992,

all my buddies, we went to Vegas and none of us had a phone and we were on top of the world and then we all lost each other and we were like a pissed off mood and didn't talk to each other on the way back. And that's kinda how it was. You don't have a phone, you don't have anything and you have Baby Doll who is about 65 minutes late

in estimating where he's gonna be at all times. So we picked a spot, and we're like, we're gonna be there three o'clock, and then we're gonna move, and you come back, you meet us with House, and it's me and Chang and Nathan. You don't have Baby baby doll and I immediately panic because I'm like this is it, this is now a kidnapping movie. We might never see him again.

We've turned in our phones so we have no way, he doesn't have a phone, his phone's with my phone and it's just a complete mess. And how late were you baby and when did you actually show up? Let's see. And why did you feel like you had to buy more stuff? He was shopping, yeah. You spent almost $5,000 on stuff this trip, right?

I think a little more now, but after the last... After the last one. After the pro shop at the Masters, which was thank you, Chang, for... We're not talking about that. No, but, yes. I would say I was an hour late. I actually went before you guys were supposed to leave. You were an hour late after we begged you not to be one minute late.

Fair enough. I was stopped by many people I knew and I just got distracted and it was a confluence of errors including the women who administer the phones. Yeah. First telling me that Mr. Simmons took, because we checked our phones together, took all the phones. Right. So I had to, I walked to the parking lot and you guys were gone. And I borrowed one of the parking attendants' phones. Should we have just left them? Yeah, and I think it was like, you had no problem leaving them.

And House and I felt a little bad, like, oh, this is our child acting up. Why is he kicking everyone in the shins? We should stay back and have a talk with him or at least make sure that he has a ride back because he doesn't have a phone and everything like that. But you have to understand, with him, I'm going to date myself here. This is like the toy when he's there. He is just shopping and nonstop shopping.

He gets shopped for hours and hours. And it's so conflicting because you want to walk and you want to go. You're breaking Roger Bannister's four minute mile. I'm just saying I like to get my steps in and see the course. You want to go. You're not even really looking at the course. You're checking out your sketches and all the way up. And baby's stopping every 25 feet. Like, yeah, this is where Seve Ballesteros bailed himself out on 14. I think it's important. We got to back this up for those that haven't been to the masters.

What kind of rules are we talking about protocol? It's not just the cell phone. There's no running. There's no talking loudly. These are all things that we're talking about. And I think that's the been to the masters What kind of rules that we're talking about protocol? It's not just a cell phone. There's no running. There's no talking loudly These are all things that yeah, he's broken. There's no Smoking in undesignated areas broke that rule. There's no acts of I won't say physical violence, but you can't like

Like do things that you have to be on your best behavior. Basically, that's also a problem for cell step up from church. So like every rule that the masters has baby doll broom. Well, then the other thing that happened today was more your fault. Cause how was this my fault? I mean, I almost got tasered. Well, let's see, we're talking about the right.

We were able to get, well, we were able to get access to this special pro shop. That's like for members only because somebody slipped us a badge. So a couple of us went in and see if there's anything. We earned the badge. Yeah, we earned the badge. Yeah. You did TV today, free as fan. I wasn't invited.

today, free as hell. I wasn't invited. Um, but, uh, baby comes out with another bag of stuff and what happens next, Chang? We're trying to be on our best behavior, but clearly cousin, thousand capable of that. Yeah. And I don't know if people understand the long history you have of playing practical jokes and hydrinks on Babydoll. Yeah. Like I've heard stories of you throwing a suitcase out the window, luggage out of buildings. Yeah. I want to get into that. But in this case, it was a pretty mild-mannered one. You just took the bag and you whipped it into a rope off area.

I was shopping back up all the new purchases that Babydoll just bought and you just threw it. Like, oh, let me see that. And I toss it over. What would it be like two or three rows of ropes? To a place where there was a suddenly pissed off security guard wondering why that happened. Fully restricted area. And then multiple people came over. No, no, no.

He threw it over the head of the security guard. That's what happened. So then baby's trying to get the bag back. They're deciding whether they want to kick us out or not. And Sal thinks this is all hilarious. As I said, when we were there, it was a close second to cousin Sal, um, shoving me very, very violently into the Rose garden at the white house.

Right. Right. And I said, I may be the only guy in the history of the White House who's been shoved into the bodily throne, into the Rose Garden. That'll probably change. Yeah, so this was like a two out of 10 for things to do. Yeah, this was nothing. I mean, Secret Service pulled out their weapons. I was picking thorns out of my ass.

Did they really pull out their weapons? They literally drew weapons. They converged. Yeah, it was good time. You know Obama though. You could have said like Barack baby doll baby. You know me. Who's the president? Come on.

Don't throw me out. Vineyard golf. Come on, baby. Well, the number one thing I ever saw you do to baby doll was Jimmy's wedding. Oh. When, uh, which was a great weekend and just a really lovely night and everybody had a great time and near the end, we're all talking. We're in the corner of wherever the giant reception is. And we're talking, I think you're smoking and they're bringing the cake cake out and it's the three of us and Louis and I think Jimmy and they're bringing this giant cake out and they're walking by us and we see the cake and you just know from knowing the cause for 15 years.

More than that. You put it together. You put it together cake, Sal and Sal's watching the cake. Tongue in cheek. Sal's tongue went to the side of his mouth and you put it together and you just jumped sideways right as Sal was about. It was one of the greatest athletic moves I've ever seen. It was like those drills that at the NFL, you know, draft camps. Like the cones. There's cones, the side to side, sideways.

It was incredibly athletic. About to try to push you and then Jimmy admitted after it would have been worth it. Even if you ruin the cake, the story would have been better. She had known before. It's one of the great what ifs in wedding history. I did a Jedi mind trick. I didn't even touch you that time. No, no, it was actually, I was very proud of myself. You almost fell over. You jumped so violently to the left. I didn't even touch you that time. No, no. It was actually I was very proud of myself.

You almost fell over. You jumped so violently. It was so like for me at this stage of my life at that stage athletic. I've never seen Louis K. laugh harder in the 25 years I've known him. He loved it. If baby had blown out his Achilles jumping sideways, would that have made it funnier or less funnier? No, much funnier.

Way funnier for Sal. One more. Let me just throw one more. We're in Atlanta once. We're in a car. We get picked up by these executives. Jimmy's going there to get a Coca-Cola commercial, we hope. And we're going to tour the factory and everything else. And we get picked up by these guys. And I'm in the back seat with Baby, who's bragging about his sunglasses. Yeah, these are my $300 sunglasses. I couldn't bring my $500 sunglasses because I want to put that through the machine, but are my $300 sunglasses. I couldn't bring my $500 sunglasses because it could, you know, I want to put that through the machine, but these are $300. I've had, I have like four or five of these. And then I had a nerf for the sun. I'm like, Oh, let

me see. Like, what the hell am I going to do? When I say I take a look and it had a sun roof, which was open. And I like Michael Jordan just perfect, like right through the sun outside into traffic. You know, you did that. He didn't get the commercial. I'll say you didn't get it. Well, that same day was Coca-Cola, which is also a good story. Right. Right. Right. He's in the boardroom.

These guys pick PowerPoint presentation. Try to woo Jimmy. They're in suits and everything. And baby is always on the messed up tile. Although the Atlanta should be on the same time as New York. But I think I flew from LA with you guys, but anyway. Fell asleep during the moving, during the meeting. And I take a bottle cap and I said, Baby! And I toss that and it hits you.

And you're like, Spicoli and fast. You did! Nobody knew how to react. I have to set that up slight a little bit. Getting into the Coca-Cola headquarters in Atlanta, it's Fort Knox. There's three layers of security. It's like a big deal to be there. And I will give you an incredible amount of credit.

We were sitting on opposite ends of a giant conference table and you know only his Superpower can kick in in those moments. Yeah, and he it was it was a 25 30 foot Winging of a bottle cap and it hit me square between the eyes I mean literally right between the eyes and we stopped the meeting. We literally start arguing in the meeting. These Coca Cola people were like, these people are insane. What is this? It was really insane. It was really crazy.

But anyway, when do you think the CUS is peak of fucking with you? What was the peak year? If he was an athlete, what would you say? Oh, yeah. 2000s. Uh, yeah, I'd say the early ought says they say. So like first year Jimmy show. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say the early ought says they say. Yeah. So like first year Jimmy show. Yeah.

Yeah. Somewhere in there. Yes. Somewhere in the, the 2002 to 2008 range, I would guess. I remember when I started working for Jimmy show and you were so legendary for fucking with everybody and then we went to San Diego for that super bowl thing and I stayed in a room with you and people are like, you're staying in a room with Sal?

Right, yeah. And I was like, yeah, what's the problem? They're like, oh, good luck, don't fall asleep. Yeah. And then by the time we went to bed that night, I was sufficiently nervous. It was like I was in Shawshank waiting for fucking Boggs to come get me.

I didn't know what was gonna happen, but you left me alone. I did, yeah, I had my sights on baby and others. You probably didn't think about it. Right, right, right. I don't know if people realize, they're long time listeners, but this relationship is real.

Your impersonation, I haven't spent this much time with Baby Doll in my life, but everything you've done over the years, I've heard thousands of impersonations, they're very accurate, number one. Yeah, it really is, it's your magnum opus. You guys have this weird, odd couple relationship, it magma. I have this weird, odd relationship. It's amazing. I honestly I love Sal.

I love him like funeral. What is going on? No, I love it. That's why it's so sad. It's just like it's so hard for me to get mad at him because I genuinely love him. And everybody does, obviously. And that's his that's why he has the ability to terrorize people and get away with it. That plus he's got like superhuman strength.

No, no, no, come on. That kicks in when he needs it to. Don't be afraid, no. No, I'm not afraid. I just know you could like bend me into a pretzel, but other than that, you know, we than that. I mean, the stories are, I was leaving to catch a red-eye. I had my bags packed and we taped Jimmy Kim alive. I had my luggage there and somehow somebody catered in Bay City.

It was a nine-year anniversary of the show.. Nine year anniversary, so that's when it was. For whatever insane reason, he decides to take the tray of meatballs and red sauce and just dump it over my head violently. I was covered, we have pictures of that. Yeah. It was on the ceiling, I'm not kidding. The sauce was on the ceiling, and I'm like leaving in 20 minutes to go to

if I didn't kill you then when would I have done it? I knew it was a bad idea, but it would be good for this. I just instinctively, but this is the side like people know salad, my podcast from guest alliance and we've been together forever, but they don't know this other side of Sal as much. Right. I see.

I think the best South story is the security camera on J.K.L. in the outside Jimmy's office when our friend Brad started choking on a sandwich, which he would choke from time to time because he didn't, doesn't have all his teeth. Yeah. But he started choking and he waved over. Who was that guy? Our friend Scott. Scott comes over and starts performing the Heimlich on Brad who's choking to death.

And instead of being concerned, you could see Sal in the back of the footage running over, grabbing his phone and videotaping Brad choking to death instead of helping Brad. Two things I don't know. It's the most perfect security camera clip I've ever seen. I didn't know the Heimlich and I didn't know what these security guards were catching it. I had to document it for myself. If you knew you had the camera, maybe you still would have filmed it. But Brad lived. He lived, right?

Yeah, he did. He lived. We think. You are the most twisted bastard. Really, you are. Have you tortured Chang or are you still feeling afraid? I'm afraid. I give him as much respect as I can because I live in a constant state of fear that I'm going to get fucked with to some degree because I've seen it.

I don't want to be on the receiving end. So I'll get you with as much respect as I can. You're nicer now. You're older. You're a nicer guy now. But in Chang's case, he's already tortured. I mean, can you find a more tortured man? He's not like bragging about shit like baby.

It is true. Chang's just a mess. He could also poison any meal he wants. This is also true. I didn't even think of that. I told him I was going to do that if he fucked with me yesterday. Well, Chang cooked dinner last night. We had some fando people over, some other people.

It was very fun. And for some reason, Baby decided to give a toast. I don't know why it didn't simultaneously. I thought that was a nice toast. It was a nice toast. Baby was very social for about an hour and a half and then disappeared to make a one and a half hour business call at nine o'clock

and was just gone the rest of the night and then claimed, I was very social. I was. I talked to everybody. I did. You literally missed the second half of the dinner. You were on a call. Did Baby Doll talk to?

I think I literally spoke to every person at that time. Who has a nine o'clock ET business call? Baby Doll, I got business to do. I got deals to close. You had a dinner. It's like we flew out here to like the schmooze people. Right. We're just gone.

It was your cousin, you know. Me. I think you read John Stewart, a bedtime story. How dare you? I think that's what goes on. How dare you? But you know, as you said it, it's kind of genius. He gives the toast to give the impression that he's there for most of the night,

knowing that he's going to bounce 20, 30 minutes later. Fair enough. That was not why I did it, but it worked out that way. You said nice things about him. Of course. And then he put me in a weird, awkward position when he complimented a colleague of ours, a friend of ours that works at a network and we love him very much and you didn't know who he was. And then I have never felt this way before. He's like, you didn't know who he was. And then I did. I've never felt this way before. It's like, uh, w w you don't know this, but David was singing your praises. Yeah. It was

going on and on and on about all the compliments. I was talking about this guy and I, I, I sort of felt weird. I didn't know what to do. That's your own psychosis, baby doll. That's not my problem. That's yours. That was a big move. I was, I, by the way, not only did I do, do you a solid cause he said, wow, he said that I said, yes, of course he did. I said, he never says anything. Right. And he was like, really? Wow. That's really nice to hear. It was very sweet. So, um, yeah, you shouldn't be, uh, and I, you know, yeah,

part of the secret we've known baby for a while. He's known longer than me, but part of his secret is compliments or currency. Right. That's what he does. He always figures out a nice way to be like just hanging out with Chang one day and be like, you know, it's just amazing. Everything you've accomplished. That's right.

I was talking to somebody, he probably didn't talk to anybody. Talking to somebody the other day about just how incredible your journey's been. And it's just, just awesome to see baby. Great job, baby. And then you feel great. And you're like, you know, I love baby doll. I'm a businessman. Yeah.

Where did you learn this? Like, honestly, I don't like violence. Blood is a big expense. You know what I mean? So I go the opposite way. Salazzo. Godfather. Well, we like.

So, so. You know what I mean? So I go the opposite way. So lots of Godfather. So so but no, seriously, I meant what I said. And by the way, you were right. Josh was a hell of a nice guy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no names. Sorry, sorry. It's just not even the right name. So he had a text. He's the pseudonym. Well, is that wrong? Don't make your call. Good. Josh is the wrong Josh. You're sorry.

I love one of the other things I love with that's why I call people baby doll. There you go. What the masters when you run into competitors. I liked a lot of those guys that I met today. I mean, they leave and then one person, then they leave and I don't know, Sal. Yeah, we had last night, we had an incident where we ran into an agent that we both know

and he was, I don't want to say, but he's a little sloppy and it was like, all right, this is gonna be a two minute conversation. We know how, let's just be done in two minutes. And then he's introducing Baby to someone else and he's like, this is James Babydoll Dixon. He manages John Stewart and John Oliver. He doesn't manage John Oliver, but Baby wants this conversation over so fast. Doesn't even correct him, right? But he locks eyes with me like, all right, I'll let him go. 30 seconds later, he's telling this guy, you know you know, Oh, not only that, but, uh,

baby doll is a member of four clubs, four golf clubs, pretty prestigious. Like, excuse me, nine, he's all right. Then it gets out that he manages John Oliver. I'm heaven forbid. You can't get country clubs and cars wrong. Absolutely not. I have my priorities. So we're up to nine? That's the number?

You got rid of a couple. I think so. I'd have to do the math. It's ridiculous. Do you belong to more or less than former president Barack Obama? I'm gonna go with more. Right?

How many could he? Is he paying for these Country Cubs, you think? I think, I don't think so. I don't know that. Do you think Country Cubs charge Obama? They shouldn it, I don't think so. I don't know that. Do you think country cubs charge Obama? They shouldn't, I mean he served our country so they should be honored to have him as a member, right? They should waive the initiation

and have him just pay dues. I'm sure they're delighted to have him. Absolutely. So. As opposed to having you. I'm a dues paying member. That's a lot of dues. What is, how much is that? Is that like a million dollars?

Yeah, that is a lot of dues, baby. He claims it's, I feel like you write it off. Like, what do you do? No, I don't write it off, no. Will you teach him, Chang, about like charity and stuff like that, that he can put his money to other places? Like, really? What is, what's the point of having nine country club memberships?

I just love it. I love being able to go to different, different clubs and different. You just want to be able to snap your fingers. If I'm in Florida, I know I could just go. I don't have to make a call. Correct. I'm a country club hoarder. Can you sell the memberships?

No, no, but you get money back when they, what happens? Some of them and, and some not it just ends on their Arrangement with the members, but I don't plan on ever Doing that because he today we watched him have a long emotional Reunion with somebody from an old country club that he no longer belongs there. Yeah, that one I left, that was one on Long Island. I upgraded, so I didn't need that one. One of your country clubs has Obama in the club.

Yes. Have you played with Obama? I did not play with him, no. I asked him when we were going to play, but I have not golfed with him. It feels like he played with him because he'd follow him on every hole and yelled words of encouragement. Barack! Yeah.

Mr. President. You call him Mr. President? Absolutely. I wouldn't call him Barack. You don't have first name? Unless he said to me, call me Barack, I would never call him Barack. Who do you know better? Roy McElroy or Barack Obama?

Do you call Barack Barry? That's how well you know him? Of McElroy or Barack Obama? Do you call Barack Barry? That's how well you know him? Of course not. Nobody calls him. Of course not. This is a Reese's Peanut Butter Cub sound experiment. We're looking to find the perfect way to hear Reese's so you'll buy more of them.

Here we go. Reese's, Reese's. Reese's, Reese's. Reese's, get out of here you little stinker. Reeses. Reeses. Hey, get out of here, you little stinker. Reeses. Reeses. Reeses. Peanut butter cups.

That breathy one sounded very creepy, am I right? Your perfect family getaway is waiting in Veradero. At Sol Cereve Beach and Malia Peninsula Veradero, you'll wake up to stunning beachfront views, enjoy all-inclusive dining, and dive into endless activities. And now with Transat's Kids Stay and Eat Free promo, your vacation just got even better. Book between April 8th and 21st, 2025. For more details, visit Transat.com. My parents have had a lot of time on their hands lately. At first, it was nice.

Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie. Ooh, what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn.

Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeez, Farmboy, and Longos online, which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable. A little too reliable. Voila. Your groceries delivered. Just like that. This is another segment I wanted to do.

This reminds me, we, last time we talked about greatest celebrity smokers that you've had cigarettes with, we wanted to do blank canvas, if you could have a cigarette, top three people you would wanna have a cigarette with that you haven't had a cigarette with. Is Obama in the top three? Like you're at the Vineyard Country Club,

you see him out there, maybe he sees you out there. I'm gonna say yes. So he'd be in top three. Why not? I mean, yes. All right. Who else? Anybody mean smokers or non-smokers? It doesn't matter.

Cause I mean, it has to be a realistic smoke. He was at one time anyway, a, a, a light closet smoker. As I understand it. Oh, I don't even think it was really a closet smoker. I think it was in the Rose Garden pinching butts. Got it, got it. Hey, I would be too if I was. Who else, anybody?

Is there anybody you really, I mean Sinatra would have been amazing. Oh my God, that would have been amazing. Johnny Carson? Exactly. By the way, Johnny Carson. Why you letting him make your list? One of maybe the top person in show business, you know how I say I've met everybody? Yeah.

That I never met. Really? And based on where my career went, he would have been number one on the list in the late night world of icons. Johnny! You remember me, Johnny. Yeah, Carson McGinn. Those old 70s cars are smokers.

He's smoking on the show. I'm trying to think when you would have crossed. You had Ray Romano when he was on, right? Uh, you know what? I don't know. Oh, all right. Yeah, probably. When did Carson retire? Ninety-five?

Ninety-two. Ninety-two. Ninety-two. Yeah. Everybody loves Raymond probably had not premiered yet, so I don't know. I feel like Baby's had cigarettes probably with all the best possible people to have a cigarette with, right? Well, I had-

There's not a lot of smokers left. I'll tell you who I smoked. I mean, you had three with Chang last night. It's a violent. You're up there. I was finally coughing this morning, but it was more for you. Like, I mean, this it's a Mount Rushmore cigarette for you. It's very true.

I was just having my hero right here. And I think it's a good story today. I didn't realize I was talking to almost a rival agent of yours and he confided to me because I didn't know who he was. I'd love to get, smoke a dart with Baby Doll one day. Yeah, this literally happened. That was like so wild to me. Well, you know what? He's right over there in that rocking chair. Why don't you knock

yourself out? Yeah, he went over, pulled out of parliament, and immediately got heckled by babies. Yeah, it was parliament, you're right. Yeah, he didn't, baby didn't like that. Come on now, you're going to smoke, I mean, those filters alone are not. It's like double A baseball for cigarettes and doing parliaments. But you reminded me of something, now I can't think of it about the smoking. Wait, what were we just talking about? Anyway, that was before that. But anyway, we were smoking a lot of

butts with a lot of people the past week. Yes. So it's been an honor. So the honor was mine. So what's what's the greatest single out of nowhere cigarette you've had with somebody. Oh, that's why I was going to say thank you. I assume we're all huge Game of Thrones fans. Oh, this is good. Which one do you think it is, guys? Oh, can we guess? Yeah, hold on. Yeah, Peter Dinklage. Wait, let's see. Peter Dinklage would have been a good one. That's the way. Queen Cersei? Nope. Jon Snow. Boom. You had a cigarette with Jon Snow. I like exchanged numbers with him because I smoked like two Emmys in a row with him.

He was one of the one of the greatest guys I've ever hung out with. And that was like I couldn't believe I was smoking with Jon Snow. I can't believe the way you defended the North. That was fucking awesome. Let's have a smoke. Let's celebrate. I remember at Jimmy's wedding, we were out where the food trucks were and the valets,

the three of us, for like an hour and a half, just smoking, watching the people come by, and then Sal just started to show up, which I won't talk about, but we had. It was like an hour, then my wife, both of our wives were like, where are our guys? We were just, we were out with baby. But Kit Harrington was definitely up there.

That, in fact, that's what, I mean, honestly, that's why I hung out with him. If I was a non-smoker, I never would have got to hang out with him. He was such a, such a great guy. Really. It was so fun. This could lead to a Kid Harrington resurgence. You never know. This is it.

I mean, he's not, he's short, right? Yeah. He's like my height. It's good. It's good. That's why you liked him so much. Tell the tape 1700 cigarettes a day. What was the what was the key to remember was a little like this, the city that guarded the wall. I don't remember.

Sounds like you need to watch Game of Thrones again. I do. I mean, you don't know that. Like my hand anyway. The night watch. That's what it was. There was a time speaking of smokers. I don't care if you want to cut this. That's fine. But maybe you know how he brags about knowing people.

We saw it with Rory McIlroy. Rory didn't pay attention at all. Then in the time of day, this will happen. Oh, baby. Claims to know people. He doesn't know people. Oh, John Sean Penn is on the show. Jimmy, I have to meet him.

I'm going to go see him. Oh, yeah. On your monologue. And, you know, then he goes on to tell stories about his relationship with Sean. Maybe they did nefarious things. Maybe he was smoking more than cigarettes back in the day. He tells me the story or whatever. So maybe he's like, all right, I'm going to go see Sean.

And I'm like, I'm fucking going with you. I need to see Sean. And I'm like, I'm fucking going with you. I need to see that. So I go in there and he's like, man, baby, remember me from, where would you have known him? Even what? In the early nineties, baby, we did this, we drove here, we went this, I'm this gig. Yeah. Okay. Now, come on, baby. And then he's like, you know, you're, you're biding your time here because he's not being forthcoming. Whatever.

I'm like, I'm like, come on, you smoked whatever with baby back in 1990. You don't remember. And then publicists like shoots up like, get out of here. You get out of here. Now. And he's like, you know, me, baby, you know, you know, me, baby. But I think the line of the week, which I've enjoyed so much, is no matter what's gone on sounds like, listen, we're not looking for any trouble.

Right? It's really great. It works every time. I mean, people love it. About what? About 800 important people guarding whatever or leading you through to somewhere ever. And like, it's a nice way to F with people. That's really great.

After the Tuesday pod, we had some people say, baby should host a smoking podcast for the ringer. Yeah. How would that go? What would that look like? I don't know. I mean, you're the artist. Maybe you were so recognized.

Maybe you have, like video podcasts are becoming more and more popular. Maybe it's one smoke with baby. Well, one thing for sure what would have to happen is. It's like the. It's like hot wings. Hot wings. Whoever comes in must smoke.

Hot ones. If you're in the room, you're smoking. Of course. Multiple cigarettes. Yes. The entire time. First gas chapelle. That would be awesome.

I love this idea for a show. This is genius. Would you do it? It is. Baby becomes talent out of nowhere. All from my crazy habit. Well, it's- My terrible addiction.

You're gonna need some source of income once your guys start retiring from TV. What are you gonna do? I was gonna say- They gotta afford cigarettes, they're expensive. This sounds great, except baby has to negotiate his own deal with you. Give me a nightmare for you.

I'm so insulted. In this case, I'll only take 20% for myself. Do the insulted thing. That's a good question. Because you've been in our lives for a while. We kind of know all your moves from a negotiating standpoint. Yes, what I do now. No, just these are your tricks.

Yes. Number one, completely insulted by the offer. I'm always insulted. By the first offer. First offer, can't, I don't know if I can take it back to so and so like that, I just can't believe. By the way, my rule is no matter what the offer is, no matter if it's triple what I was hoping it was,

it's the first offer and there's more money there. Okay. So that's my evil one. He's like Johnny Sack when they all told that Jenny Sack joke about the whole water ass. I'm insulted. He's like, we're gonna deal with this. Deal with the insult.

Second move is sad and disappointed. Oh, when you get, yes, you're not just disappointed. You're actually like bummed out. Yes. You can't believe that it's gotten. And I often genuinely am. The deal has gotten to this point and you just can't fathom how we got here. And then third is angry.

The anger switch will go on too. Those are the three moves and you just kind of decide which card to play. But my other thing is I'm also very kind and I'm very complimentary people, I am. And listen, I always like to leave a little bit on the table. Do you feel it's a challenge to get through those stages? Like, oh, I really, I reeled them in.

It's like the five phases of grief. Yeah. I told him I was insulted. I was sad. I was angry. And look at that. It bumped up 25%. Does that make it free?

Did you ever get a first offer and you were like, I'm actually not insulted. That's a great offer. No. Okay. What was the most insulted that you ever were? Oh God. That would be a tough one to answer because I've been highly insulted

many more times than I could ever count. I'm doing this a long time. Is there anybody who's not in the executive business anymore that you can discuss who was the most insulting offer person? No. Anybody back in the day? I had some jousts with Comedy Central.

Yeah. I stuck it to them, baby. I was pretty insulted on several occasions there. I'm sorry. But it ultimately works out. Did you ever talk to a therapist about these people that insult you? No, I don't go to a therapist. Right, well I try.

I come from a long line of not believing in therapy. Hard nose. Yeah, yeah. Keep it inside. I'm old school, baby. No, figure it out. Chang, does this make you more or less likely to hire a baby for representation? I feel like we almost had a moment last night smoking cigarettes.

Of course we did. I was like, remember? I was like, is he representing me now? I don't know what was going on. Yeah, what was that thing? Someone approached you. Yeah. Oh, you said how you can't get out of deals.

Like people, well, you can't get specific, but people automatically sign you up to the caterer. Baby just took over and gave me a lecture on what I never let you do. That's right. Listen, we'll talk after this podcast. How many Asian clients on your roster baby you'd be number one with a bridge it out baby one of one day Baby, okay, can I go back because I had to ask when you got you through people need to know they were like the bag was in the air security guards are angry and

They're yelling to have him like please do not cross the line because there's like different Section you're not like buffered from yeah the secret area extra's an extra wrinkle that I love when it's 100% my fault but then he goes and retrieves it and now he's the bad guy. And the bag went over like 20 feet over the security area. The entire time, I don't know if you were listening, I wanted to ask, did you hear the security guard saying do not cross the line? And you just kept on going. Yeah. Well, it pissed me off is that cameraman was sitting, do not cross the line. And you just kept on going. Yeah, he put it down.

Well, what pissed me off is that cameraman was sitting, he wasn't filming anything, he was just sitting there. The bag was basically at his feet with all my shit sprouting on the ground. He just looked at it and I'm like, sir, excuse me, can I get that bag? And he just kind of like ignored me. And I was like, you know what, F this guy.

I'm gonna go get it myself. Is that part of the Dixon negotiating tactics? I tried, it didn't work. He was insulted. Yeah. And he had profoundly disappointed. I do love such a great situation. That is your ideal because you're off the hook.

That's what I'm saying. You're good in trouble. You baited me, I did exactly what you wanted me to do and I got in trouble. Yeah, and these guys are being dicks too. And we all got in trouble because of you. We had to move on. I scattered. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Simmons was in there. But they're so brusque. I didn't want to get kicked out. There wasn't a golfer within four football fields of us. Yeah, it's so ridiculous stuff. And that was like a weird like double barrier that had no reason to be. Right. It's just like, why are there all these gates there?

Just so they could yell at you. Oh. Get you in trouble. I was so mad at you. So baby, baby, what's left career wise? What's left for you? You have grandkids now. I'm never going to retire.

You stuck with me until they throw the dirt on me. I love what I do so much. I love everybody that I work with. Alright, this isn't a commercial. No, I know, but that's the truth. Here's my retirement plan. Hopefully we all slow down a little bit one day and we're still working, but it's not as robust.

And, you know. He just wants to go to his five bedroom house and go back there every night. Yeah. And then sleep on the couch. I'm a simple man. Four bedrooms are just empty. I'm a simple man.

All I want is 10%. Come on. How many hours a day do you sleep? I'd say between four and five a day. On a normal day. Is it a straight four to five a day? Yes, but then as Jimmy told me in 1998, you're waking up because you're having nicotine fits.

And that had, I swear, that had never occurred to me. Like, I don't know why, it's like stupid, I should have figured that out on my own after all these years. And I went, holy shit, he's right. I'm waking up because I'm having a nicotine fit. And now I take a sleeping pill every night. And it still doesn't work.

So anyway, what can I say? Nicotine fit means your body needs to have conditioned it. I'm waking up to have a cigarette, but I don't realize it. Why don't you just have the cigarette and then go back to bed? It's impossible for me to go back. I mean, you'll see I'm often texting you guys at four o'clock in the morning my time.

I've seen those texts and wondered why you're up at 1.38 Pacific time. This is why I'm out on my porch smoking cigarettes and doing emails and texts. And why you can't sleep with your wife in the same bed. Talk about insult. Well, that's the coughing. Oh, okay, yeah, that was a crazy barrage of coughing

we heard the other day. No, it's's the coughing. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was a crazy barrage of coughing we heard. Yeah. No, it's not the coughing. I cannot sleep without watching TV. And she doesn't like TV on once she's ready to go to bed. That's how he lets his clients know that he saw their shows. He's not technically lying. No, I'm not.

You have the shows on as you're asleep. Yes. I'm oh well or I'm dozing often, but I I'm I'm making an attempt to watch. You have been caught lying before. We used to take two Kimmels on a Thursday. Yeah. And he had would have claimed to have seen a show. You did get sloppy a couple of times. I absolutely got nailed. We definitely. There were some TV watchers in baby's life. Great bottle log last night, baby. And then we find out he had like no electricity.

No, and Shau would go, what are you talking about, baby? Tell one joke. Yeah. What did Perry Farrell say to Jimmy? One thing. But then you commissioned, you had your assistants watch and report back to you on stuff. Correct.

Why not? They send you on stuff. Correct. Why not? They send you like bullet points, emails. Yeah. Or, or, and now they say, you knew that when you're representing Chang. Yes. I think this is going to be a fruitful relationship. I love it. Listen, I'm so upfront and transparent.

That's what's going to happen. Listen, I'm going to lie to you sometimes about watching your shit. You're never going to watch anything. I do. That's okay. I'll try. I'll try. How's that? I'll try.

On the Netflix, they're telling Bella like, we don't know what's happening at dinner time. It might not come back. His agent's driving a hard bargain. James Dixon. The guy who gave the toast. He's left. He's insulted.

Burned out. I don't know what to do. One of the famous people here started to tear up. It was like the Indian that was littering, a little tear came down her face. Oh, the old commercial from 50 years ago, yeah. How do you pitch a new client? Let the audience know.

I don't give that out. Come on, baby. Come on, no way. No? No way, absolutely not. I don't give out my trade suit. You insulted him. Now he's insulting him. Now he's insulting him a little bit.

How dare you. Little bit. Little bit. Do people ask you, hey, how do you prepare that dish? You wouldn't give that recipe. He might. Nah, he would sometimes. I would sometimes.

I wouldn't. But not. He has a show where he gives away the dishes every episode. But what's important to lay the groundwork. Yeah. You don't have to get into specifics. Baby's a relationship guy.

That's right. And what are you looking for? Would It's a baby's a relationship guy. That's right. And what are you looking for? Would he click with somebody? Somebody that you want to represent. That's right. And we'll say that again. What are you looking for? Like what's barking your eye when you are like, I got to represent this person. Right. Because you have such a crazy roster of talent over the years. Well, now it's just, all right, one, you got got to make a bottom north of three million dollars. We say that again.

That's what attracts you at this point in your life. Did you make at least three million a year baby doll? I need to know. Because if I can't if I can't money grab 300 grand, we need to talk much later. How's that? I'm just kidding. He's already insulted of yourself. One thing is that you are fearless and relentless and you have no shame or embarrassment whatsoever.

But that's fair enough. Yeah. Reps. Client. You know, I like liking someone and wanting to work with them, especially at this point in my life matters greatly. Yeah. And that's that is a criteria for sure. Baby, could you do a Babydoll Hall of Fame

that you could open in Long Island with your best clients ever, little plaques? Oh, that's good. Maybe put that in the basement? Yes, I could. I'll put it in the golf sim. So who would be the first client inducted? Jay Stu with a bullet.

It's gotta be one. Well, that's your longest relationship basically, right? It is, yes, it is. Since what year? Well, I wasn't even an agent. Right. I would say we're going on 38 years. And John-

38 years? Yes. John wasn't qualified to be a client and I wasn't qualified to represent him. But I said to him, listen, if we, if I get promoted, you're going to be my first client. And so is he first ballot and then we'll take another season before some inductees come in. Can we walk out? He almost screwed up John's 1990s.

Oh yeah. Do that. Yeah. Cause initially MTV show. Well, how was that a screw up? It was got canceled. Um, that was, it was the best and most hottest platform. Supposed to take over the Larry Sanders show.

Didn't happen. That's another story for another day. He was in a horror movie called the faculty. I feel like that was your fault. He's got a go T on. he ends up turning into an alien. Well, as John would say, you know, he learned very quickly. I'm glad he stood by you during all these decisions. You got power bombed by John Cena,

busted up his friends. That was recent. You let him get power bombed to impress his son. I was against it, he didn't listen. Insulting again. But Daily Show, I mean then you talked him into that. I redeemed myself at that point. You talked him into that. I don't know how he trusted you after the faculty.

That's a really good point, I never thought of it that way. But then there was Big Daddy, that was a good one for John. Big Daddy was good. That was really good for John. How about Playing by Heart? Did anyone ever see that movie? My wife likes that movie. She does.

He always does. John was really good in that. He was good in that. He was very good. You might not have seen it yourself. I'm looking at you now. I saw it. I don't remember it, but I know he was good in it at the time.

Can't you tell the Larry Sanders story or you're still not allowed? I don't know if John would want that. Oh, let's go. I won't do it. Do you want to tell the Larry Sanderson story? Out of respect to John, I'm not gonna speak out of school. There was a moment there though when it seemed like the show was gonna continue

with him hosting the show in Larry in retirement. Yes, that is accurate. I would think yes, but yes, it was never guaranteed or firm, but that was maybe the plan. And many people speculated on that. So that's not speaking out of school. I know, right? I never found the right question.

I just don't want to, yeah, listen, I can't talk about clients' deals and shit like that. That wouldn't be okay. Were you angry? I just don't want to. Yeah. Listen, I can't talk about client's deals and shit like that. That that that wouldn't be okay. Were you angry, disappointed? What's the third thing he does? Disappointed, insulted, angry and we more insulted, disappointed or angry

when the layer Sanders thing didn't work. I was rip shit. What's the most rip shit you've been? Is that number one? No. Is that number one? No. What's number one? Just all right. So one through seven is involves Daniel Callas saying that eight is what?

Let's just say, yeah, let's just say I actually can't talk about it, but that was not the number one, but I was talking vague where we don't actually say what happened, but you can give us like a hint of what happened. I'll just say it was some shenanigans in late night television and I'll leave it at that. I know what it is. You may or may not, but. There was some, yeah, I know what you're talking about. There was some possible shanking in the works that you found out about.

That's all I'm gonna say. Yeah, it's not even worth talking about. Yeah. But to be honest, how lucky are you to have navigated this representing three heavy hitters at late night and avoiding conflicts for the most part for two and a half seconds? Listen, conflict is good. It can also benefit. My knowledge of all those can often help each of them, but-

Even as they're competing against each other. Right, I know. When you're worried one of them at some point, I'm like, hey, what's going on here? Does he have my best interests? Of course I do, that's why. They know I always do. That is never in question, ever. That's not what Jimmy said once.

Any last questions, Chang, before we wrap? What happened with the gnomes, baby? Oh yeah, what happened with the gnomes? Stupid gnomes. You wanted the gnomes badly. That pissed me off. You said a lot of times. The Masters, they have stupid gnomes. You wanted the gnomes badly. That pissed me off. You spent a lot of time. The masters, they have these gnomes that you can get

in different parts of the course, and people show up at 6.30 in the morning to try to buy the gnomes. Yeah. I don't really fully understand. Most of them, so they can resell them on eBay for a profit, that obviously isn't my motivation. You wanna put them in one of your seven houses.

Yeah, I wanna display them, of course. Why, they're dumb. If you're not to put them in one of your seven houses? Yeah, I want to display them. Why they're dumb. If you're not reselling them, what's the freaking point? It's like the Beanie Babies of the golf world. Yeah. Speaking of Beanie Babies. I had them. One could say that was freaking dumb. But I did it with the whole. You call it the Beanie Babies.

That's we don't need to talk about. So here's why I was disappointed. I wanted to resell them, though. You did? Well, yeah, I didn't. I wasn't need to talk about that. Here's why I was disappointed. I wanted to resell them though. You did? Well, yeah, I didn't, I wasn't attached. And here's what's disappointing about you getting screwed over on the gnome today that he thought he was getting. I'm positive Sal would have broken it at some point.

I know you were thinking about it. Oh baby, let me see what that would have been. You know, God works in mysterious ways. You're absolutely right. It was a gift from God that I did not get that. It would have been so good. It would have been great. It would have been built up all week and then crash.

Simmons, turn your camera on. You're gonna wanna catch this. Oh my God. He would have like drop kicked it. You know, like really smashed it badly somehow, I know. Baby, who's gonna win the Masters? After first round today. I mean, I know Sche Baby, who's going to win the Masters? After first round today. I mean, I know Scheffler is always hard to bet against,

but it's such a boring pick. Well, I picked, I picked Ulberg and I'm going to go with him. He's in the, he's in the mix. He's in the, he's in the mix. He had a really great shot, 32 on the back. I'm going with the guy picked here. Who'd you ask? I had more Kawa, he had, it was minus three, then bogey, bogey, bogey to even.

I'll stick with him, but I almost feel like at this point, you put money on Scheffler. Cause if he's like this tomorrow, I think it'll be like minus one. He had certainly shifted. Would have any opinions, chain? In our bet, I picked Scheffler and Straka. And Straka is like third from last place.

Yeah, stay with Straka. I'm staying with Straka. He did look strapping when he was out here. What did he finish at? Plus what? Sheffler and Straka, and Straka is like third from last place. Yeah, stay with Straka. I'm staying with Straka. He did look strapping when he was out here. What did he finish at? Plus what? Plus six. Oh, God.

Epic comeback. This is gonna be a movie that you're gonna be able to represent. Baby, the match. Here we go. Sam is the odds on favorite. I do wonder if B.F. Bryson might, this could be the moment for him.

We talked about that earlier. You just picked him, right? He's one of my picks. Yeah, he's in the mix. He's definitely in the mix. He's in the mix. But who do you think will win? I think it's gonna be one of the big guns. This feels like a big guns tournament.

Like a Schaffler kind of thing? Yeah, just one of the real, this feels like a moment this weekend. And just in general, a crazy sports weekend with this, all this stuff happening in basketball, all at the same time. Because God forbid the NBA isn't on a weekend where, you know, other major shit is happening. Can I ask you as the sports guy question? Is this, is the Masters, arguably, the greatest

sporting event overall for like a weekend sport, like on, like a more than one basketball game or one, you know, game seven of a world shit is the Masters the best sporting event if you love it, not even if you love golf just in general. I have an answer. But do you want to answer that Chang? In your opinion? I do. And I think it is for a consistent basis, not a one off. It's not like an underdog that reaches the Super Bowl because this is like Disneyland for adults. My excitement every time.

I said this today, we're getting into the gates and I was like, this is what my kids feel like going to Disneyland. And I hate everything after a while. I'm not, I'm so excited. You're happy every day, right? Yeah, I'm so happy. And you don't even have to like golf.

Right. To have a good time here. The food's great. The hang. This felt like we're like a college road trip this week. You know, and this is the guy that went for the first time. What do you think? Yeah, I love it. I love everything about it, but I don't think you could say that. I don't even have an answer for you, but I think it's eliminated because most people would be rather be home on Sunday watching on TV

Then following the action because it's so hard, right? It's so I had a million two different answers though It's like it's fun to go but you also want to be home on that state so you can catch everything televised event the Sunday Masters is that the greatest? Well, it's the greatest if good stuff's happening. Right. So I was thinking today, cause I was talking to somebody who hadn't been here before. And, you know, we're walking the course, there are huge golf fans.

Um, and I was trying to explain why I love the masters. It's the only sporting event that's exactly the same every year, but the people have changed, you know, and it goes back so far. And, you know, I've been here four times and each time it feels the same. The holes are the same. It's still cool in all the same ways, but the, the really cool thing is like, you said your first masters that you remember was like 1970. Yes.

Billy Casper won in 19, so I was eight years old. Yeah, so I vaguely remember the 75 one as my first one, but I just remember Nicholas in the 70s and hoping he would win the Masters and becoming attached to him. But then you just think these different generations just move through, it's the exact same course. There's nothing else really like it.

Like they don't play the World Series or the Super Bowl. Nothing has the continuity. And even in golf, all the tournaments are in different places. It'll be like, oh cool, the US Open's in Pebble Beach this year, but it might not have been for... So it's just, I think that's what it is. Even when we were talking in the last segment about seeing Spieth, and Spieth is on the 12th hole and you're just like

Right, right. Oh, they say tradition like no other It's like you the players have baggage with the course and the hole Yes, and and they hit these different stages like you saw Freddy couples today. Now. He's the old guy He takes the Tom Watson spot There is nothing like the walk with you guys. You guys know any ins and outs of every hole. And hey, if we're in this spot, we could see three holes. And it's not just amen corner.

There's just a whole bunch. Like, oh my God. Like if you walked around your neighborhood, I don't know if you would know the streets as well as you do, like the holes and especially like being able to be that close to all these famous golfers where you could just be like, all of a sudden, there's Rory, he's three feet away walking by us. Why is he ignoring me? Why is that really tan guy screaming his name?

You're not kidding me. I literally breathe it in. Yeah. The smell, because I know olfactory, even though I probably don't have the smell I should have after all these cigarettes, I literally breathe it in to try to like capture. It has, everything is uniquely Augusta National.

Even the smells. And then- We're all on our best behavior, right? For the most part. But we've been told all these stories this week about players being so nervous because of the history too. So it just makes it such a special place.

So if somebody if somebody wanted asked you to cook the dinner 1000% that would be your number one dinner you've ever cooked. I would probably put it up there. Yeah, for sure. I would be a no no brainer. I'm going to do it. You mean like the champions dinner? Yeah.

Oh, that's a great one. Here's what I'd say to you. They'd be lucky to have you Save it for the Amazon exact, baby Augusta called I did not like their offer That they wouldn't even pay for a sous chef baby, we I don't know if we should do this. Insult. I'm insulting. You should be insulting. That fucking place. Never going there again. Jackasses.

Here's what I would do with that. If they ever called, I'd say, you know what? We're honored. Right. For this offer. And can I stay on the course? In fact, he will obviously do it pro bono. Right.

But there'll be just one little cost. We get to play the course on Monday. We're all playing the course. Yeah. Really? And everyone's getting a gnome. And throwing three gnomes. And you haven't played the course.

I have not. Maybe. We gotta remedy this. I've played it in my mind. What hole would you be the most excited to play? That's a great question. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say 15 because I would want to see if I could get, yeah, get there. I mean, if I really crushed my drive from the members team, there's an absolute chance

that I could put it on in two. And we're talking about baby today or Baby when the Swings Swing was not as apex? Today, today. Today. I will tell you, and then I will boil you, very quick. It's very late. I came within a razor's hair of getting on the course.

Okay, good. I get, I'm going. I get invited on Monday. They play the, they allow the media to play. In placements are the same as Sunday. Right. Okay. Les Moonves, Ray Romano, me and someone else.

I can't remember who. I'm literally in my garage. I'm ready to go. It's the next day. I'm home. It's Sunday. I'm literally taking toothpicks and cleaning the grooves of my irons. I'm ready to go. I'm not kidding. I'm sure I I get it. I get a text from Ray baby doll. I'm so sorry. You got bumped less invited like the CEO of AT&T and you're out. I'm really sorry. And that was it.

I was on my way to go down there and I got bumped at the last minute. Toothpicks stuck in his throat. That was the end of the last. Stuck it in my eyes and that was the last. Yeah. Wow. That was like when Ralph Cox got cut from the 1980 Olympic hockey team. That is-

That's the last cut. Most insulting text ever. That's about as sad as I've ever been. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah, but I'll get on. I know I will. I haven't really worked it.

I haven't tried very hard. I figured it would come organically. I think we have to try to get more involved. We're going to make this happen for you, baby. Yeah. If you guys do that, I love you more than I love you now and I'll be forever indebted. How's that? Well, you're his agent now.

So he's just a contract. I got some papers out there, baby. Baby. A pleasure as always. Thank you. Thanks, bro. All right. That's it for the podcast.

Thanks to Sal and Babydoll and Chang and House and Nathan. Don't forget to listen to Fairway Rowan on Sunday, right after the Masters ends. You can get their recap podcast there. Don't forget about Zach Lowe's new podcast, The Zach Lowe Show. Don't forget that I'm coming back on Sunday night with Rosillo.

We're gonna wait until after all the Sunday night games and the Masters and, uh, and we'll try to break down early preview of the playoff picture and everything we saw over the weekend. I am looking forward to that. Don't forget about Celtic city on max. First six episodes are up. Um, we just finished the bird era. We're about to go into the nineties on Monday night on HBO. So stay tuned for that and

Enjoy the weekend. I will see you on Sunday night I feel it twiskin' on the wayside. On the brink of summer, I never said I don't have it. DC. Gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 1-887-897777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here, visit Gambling Helpline, ma.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 Support Massachusetts or call 1-8778-HOPE-NY or text HOPENY in New York.