The Bill Simmons Podcast - The Pats-Cowboys Body Switch, Saquon for MVP, and Elf on the Shelf Chaos With Cousin Sal | The Bill Simmons Podcast (Ep. 453)

Episode Date: December 10, 2018

HBO and The Ringer's Bill Simmons calls up Cousin Sal to discuss the Miami Miracle, the Rams' loss to the Bears, the Cowboys' win streak, and the NFL playoff picture (2:10), before guessing the Week 15 lines (41:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tonight's episode of the Bill Simmons Podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network is brought to you as always by ZipRecruiter. You know what's not smart? Oh, I don't know. Playing Rob Gronkowski in a Hail Mary defense when they're 75 yards away. We're going to talk about this, Kyle. You know what else is smart? Job sites that overwhelm you with tons of the wrong resumes. Luckily, there's a smart way at ZipRecruiter.com.

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where Momentum Generation premieres December 11th Tuesday night I really want you to watch this one. I got involved in this one late. But still, one of the best documentaries

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Check it out. HBO, December 11th. Coming up, we're going to talk to the cuz and talk about an unbelievable role reversal with our football teams. But first, Pearl Jam. Well, we are nearing the end of 2018. It's been a very strange year. Especially strange.

You could nominate a whole bunch of things that made it strange. Nothing stranger than December. Heading toward Christmas on the Bill Simmons podcast. Cousin Sal here for year 12. And for the first time I can remember, I'm traumatized by the Patriots and you're delighted by the Cowboys. The world really has turned upside down, Cousin Sal. This is going to be so much fun.

Wow. Isn't this usually the second weekend in December is usually when you're near tears on the podcast, wondering what happened. I'm sure. What's going on? You'll figure a way to make me cry somehow. But, uh, wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. I mean, you suffered gambling wise because we are guessing the lines and has something to do with gambling. Yeah. That, that had to be your worst loss of all time. Right? lines and has something to do with gambling. Yeah. That, that had to be your worst loss of all time. Right. Now,

Trump, when we had the pats to win the AFC East with Trump to not win the presidency or Hillary Clinton, whatever he had, I think that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Just because it seemed like such a layup. We've had other ones.

We had the warriors up three, one in the 2016 finals. Yeah. Huge bet on that. We've had some bad ones. This was the most shocking one-play loss, I think, of my game. Yeah, I was going to say, as far as one play doing you in, yeah, this was it.

Because I had the Music City Miracle. I had bet on Tennessee on that one. And this was basically the reverse. And the other thing was, my focus was kind of off because I was watching the four TVs at once and Casey Baltimore had gotten really, really exciting. And Mahomes had completed a fourth and nine. My team was running out the clock. We got a first down on the seven. It was just, they had no timeouts left. It was basically the game was over, didn't score, settled for a field goal. And there was only 16 seconds left.

Still really wasn't on the radar. And then all of a sudden kind of looked over to the left TV and dolphins are running around. I'm like, this doesn't look good. And then there's Gronk as the last guy. And Gronk stumbles. And I just want the desperation Stanford type play when you lose in the NFL to just be the ball be touched by more than three people.

Is that too much to ask? Well, yeah. And at first I thought Karonk was, I was like, this guy's lost his mind. He ran out on the field. He's not even supposed to be playing defense. What's he doing? He just ran out basically to stop this touchdown. But what do you think it is with that?

Because we were arguing about it. I was like, the Corolla was like, oh, he's in the Hail Mary. Cause he's big. I was like, no way he's thrown up as you tweeted a 75 yard Hail Mary. So is it the case that they just have a last play thing? Like, okay, last play guys get in there because they're not up against the last play too often that could, that could beat them. Is that what it was? Or what do you think it was? I've had a few hours to think about it,

and I've been racking my brain trying to think of a dumber moment in Belichick Patriots history than this one. They had to go 75 yards. They had a quarterback who was on one leg who can't throw the ball more than 50 yards anyway. There was a 0% chance Gronk had to knock down anything. Gronk had played the whole game, and

it was one of those Gronk games where they actually took him out of the garage, took him for a spin, brought him on the highway, revved his engine a few times. He took some big hits. He's one of the last people. Brady's probably the last person I would have wanted to see out there.

I think Grock was in the top three. But I have no idea why he was out there. McCourty's on the bench, right? Well, here's the other thing. We rushed four people. What are we rushing four people for? It's not like he needs time to set his feet for the 80-yarder. Honestly, it was one of the dumbest plays I've ever seen in my life.

And we saw later, three hours later, Denver had a very similar one against San Francisco. And guess what? San Francisco stopped it because you're not supposed to go 70 yards in the NFL in the last play. It was that extra lateral. Sometimes that extra lateral kills you. And Fedrick found the seam and went through it. But yeah, not Patriot-esque, not Belichickian by any means.

But I felt like the first half, that play before the half ended, like that's when things started feeling weird, right? When Brady gets sacked, no timeouts left. You don't even get a field goal. Yeah, it had all the makings. Gostkowski missed a field goal early. That's usually in the Patriots, bad loss, bad libs. That's usually one of the early signs. He missed a PAT. Brady didn't realize that he was at a timeouts on that last play of the half. He said so after the game. He thought they had a timeout left. An uncommon mental mistake

from the GOAT. Let's put it that way. So they leave three more points. So now I've left seven points on the table. And then that last drive where they're up two and instead of just, you know, play action, whatever, screen pass, anything to just try to score, they're perfectly content going up by five, which is annoying. Not to mention the cover that was at stake.

I had the Pats money line, but. Yeah, they ran three times there, right? Yeah. Or did they throw? They were really happy to just not score and just to kill clock and give Miami the ball back, which between kickoffs or whatever, it was, you know, the Pats ran 75 plays in that game. Did you see that?

Was that what it was? They ran 75 plays. The Dolphins ran 45. The Pats blocked two punts and pretty much did whatever they wanted offensively. I mean, they scored 34 points. They were also, they got three points out of two trips inside the five and still scored 34 points.

They dominated the game. But Miami, the one thing Miami did was run the ball, and that was the thing Minnesota didn't do last week. Minnesota, I think, ran the ball 13 times. Pat's run defense is just slow. They have to play a lot of D-backs to cover the pass. It's really easy to run on them. And the good news, I guess, for them is they play Pittsburgh next week.

Pittsburgh's on their third string running back, and it doesn't look like Connor's going to play next week. Pittsburgh has looked bad now for a few weeks in a row. The Chiefs. Here's what I noticed about the AFC. It's not good. It was a big mess today, but, and you know what? I know you're complaining. We just lost our buy. We lost this. We lost that. Well, that Steelers game doesn't mean anything because you are now a game and a half ahead of them. And you're going to beat the bills. You're going to beat the jets. So you're going to be 11 and five at worst Steelers could be 10,

five and one. So you're going to get a two. So you weren't going to catch the chiefs anyway, probably, but none of these teams, first of all, the Patriots can't stop the run and the Chiefs can't stop the run so far. I mean, the Dolphins had, what, 189 rushing?

And I think the Ravens had close to 200 yards rushing. And nobody runs the ball. When Conner's out, you're looking at New England, Pittsburgh, Houston, Kansas City, nobody runs the ball well. Nobody could hold leads out of those division leaders. And it's weird. Like, the Chargers might be, even though they struggled today, they might be the most complete team in the AFC.

They didn't really unleash Justin Jackson like I thought they would today. I'm with you that the Chiefs are a different team without Kareem Hunt. I will say, I did like what Damian Williams showed in that game. I think maybe they unleashed him a little bit, but man, they worked hard in that game. And I think maybe they unleashed him a little bit,

but man, they worked hard in that game. And it really seemed like the Ravens felt like they could stop the Chiefs every time. I mean, I don't know if the people out there listening, how many of them actually watched that Chiefs game, but they were sending the house every play. And Tyreek Hill got hurt early and that didn't help. But that fourth and nine that Mahomes completed to keep the drive alive in the last regulation was absolutely one of the most sick plays I've ever seen from a quarterback.

Rolling right. Oh, my God. Moving momentum. Rolling right. With the strike. Yeah, having the speed just to roll right, to not get sacked, not to mention throwing across his body, but really clutch. And I was watching that drive thinking, you know, let's see it.

Let's see it, Mahomes. This is, if you're going to win the MVP, we need to see it on this drive. And it came through. Well, it's funny because you texted me. You texted me, you're like, what are Phil Rivers' MVP odds? And of course they don't have them

in the middle of the day, but they were like 12 or 14 to one. I know what you were getting at there. Yeah. You know, with Breeze not doing well MVP odds. And of course, they don't have them in the middle of the day, but they were like 12 or 14 to one. I know what you were getting at there. Yeah. You know, with Breeze not doing well at that point and Mahomes not having a great game.

Yeah, might as well look at someone like Rivers. But yeah, I think you heard his feelings, Mahomes, and he really stepped up. And then the fourth and three play

to keep that to actually score. Well, did you watch that whole game? Because I watched that whole game. Absolutely. Lamar Jackson and Dak Prescott missed a lot of open guys today. And Dak Prescott still ended up with a good game. But the Ravens had guys open.

Jackson's such a good running back, and he's so erratic throwing the ball. But I'm with you. That Chiefs defense does not look like a championship defense. And then you throw in Andy Reid. You throw in the complete inability to run the ball. Reid was getting beat up. Harbaugh beat him up for most of that, like three and a half quarters. And it was weird that Andy Reid actually stepped up in the last two minutes

when he doesn't typically shine. But the Chiefs needed to rely on that screen pass more. I know it's not a screen pass to hunt, but the Ravens were putting Mahomes on his ass every three plays. They need to bail out something somehow. And then you watch the night game with the Rams and the Bears and those quarterbacks. Goff was kind of withing the MVP, not lead candidate,

but he was at least one of the five or six guys mentioned. Right. And was just insanely bad in that game. Cold weather can't affect somebody that badly, and Cooper Cup being out can't affect somebody that badly. He was just bad. And Trubisky wasn't much better. At least Trubisky had an excuse.

Didn't seem like he was something. I don't know if it was a cold weather. The Bears defense stepped up. They did. I haven't seen this year. Maybe it was a little cold weather. But you don't throw four interceptions because of cold weather, right? He was just missing guys.

And then just to turn it back over, I think it was the beginning of the fourth, they were down 10 or 8 or something. And that was the worst interception of all for Goff. Yeah, it was weird. It didn't seem like a kitchen sink game for them at all. You know, like even the way they used Gurley and the announcers finally started talking about it, but it was like midway through the third quarter,

he had eight touches. Right. And they weren't going to him on screens. They weren't trying wheel routes with him. They weren't doing, you know, a reverse or anything. It was a really weird McVay game. He screwed up the timeouts at one point. I was not impressed.

That was the first game where I really felt like he got outcoached. And then I thought Nagy did a really good job. And even that play when the ref screwed up, when they had really tricked the Bears into thinking they were punting and then sent the offense out. But the whole game, he seemed like a step ahead. I like that Bears team. And we've seen this before.

And we've seen it even on this podcast where we really like a team and the only question is the quarterback. And I think we're there with the Bears. I really trust this Bears team, but I think Trubisky can just single-handedly kill them. We've seen this so many times where it's like, I love everything, but I think Trubisky can just single-handedly kill them. We've seen this so many times where it's like, ah, I love everything, but, and it feels like they're one of those teams.

Well, yeah, I'd like to see, I'd like to have a little more stability in the league. We're entering mid-December, you know, Bears lost to the Jets last week. They put it together. They definitely stepped up for this one, but I think everyone's beatable. And more than the Cowboys being the Eagles, like I feel good about the fact that anyone can be beat. I think the Rams obviously can be beat. They already beat the saints. Like who, who I want to get to it later, but who as a Patriots fan, are you most afraid of in the AFC?

Aside from the chiefs, you'd have to go on the road. I'm afraid of my own team. That's what I'm most afraid of. I've been saying it. Everybody thinks it's a bit. The Patriots aren't good. Nobody's good, but the Patriots aren't good. The one thing they're good at is they can move the ball. And Brady was really on it today. Gronk, when he's going.

Gordon did enough. Edelman, like, they have weapons. I think they can put up points in a playoff game. But defensively, I just don't think they're very good. And you know, the, the special teams is a little bit shakier than it's been a while. They got the two block punts today, but you know, it's a classic. If the Pats made the Superbowl, I think we'd all be looking at each other going, wow, this is, that is nuts. Um, but looking at your team though, you know,

pretty good, huh? Yeah. If you're just splitting the season up in halves or thirds or whatever, you, your pass rush has been phenomenal. You can run the ball. You have one receiver who can make a ton of plays and,

and it's now happened in enough games that it's not an accident. Yeah. Your second receiver can also make plays. You got a little from your tight end today. The coach hasn't killed you. Prescott is a rollercoaster, but at least made a couple of really good throws.

And you're tough at home. Running the ball and Zeke, there was a lot to, there was so much to take in in that game. I mean, they, I mean, I was going to be really pissed if they lost. I'm mad anyway, but 576 total yards to 256. You can't lose a game. Yeah.

And I know they had the ball in overtime and they had a free drive there, but that's 320 yards difference. It was just so much weird stuff in that game, a 62-yard field goal. And Cooper, everyone's going a little crazy about this trade. Like, I think I was wrong about it. I thought it was going to be a disaster. It's certainly not a disaster. There's certainly not in this spot if Amari Cooper's not on the team.

But we have to see. If the Cowboys make the playoffs and get smoked by Seattle in the first round, and this first-round draft pick ends up being something special for the Raiders, that's not a great trade, right? I mean, everyone's going just a little nuts, I think, about this. But it's a nice spot. Wow, that's a really interesting move by you there. Yeah, see what I did?

Yeah, I know. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, it's really. People think this is the greatest in-season trade of all time. All right. I get that we're not in this spot without him. Wow. Let's see what happens.

Honestly, if Jason Garrett loses in the... Everybody's safe, right? Jason Garrett, if they get blown out by Seattle in the first round, he's safe. Dak is safe. All these people, right? I'm going the other way. I actually agree with the people who are freaking out about the trade. Really?

Okay. Yeah, because I thought, look, this is like the fifth time in my life I've been wrong. I can count them on one hand. Oh, really? That few? Okay. But, all right, maybe give or take 5,000. But I thought this was a terrible trade.

It made no sense. And I didn't think you were a playoff team. And it seemed like you were giving up a pick between 10 and 15 and then potentially even more catastrophic than that. And then he comes in. He completely swings your season. He's been the best player on the field in in three of the five Cowboys games I watched. And you don't have to worry about the pick.

It's going to be in the 20s. And then on top of that, the case for why they traded for him was that he was young. And then the underlying case was that he's had a shitty quarterback and bad coaches. And then you see him on this team, and it just seems like he's being used correctly, which is weird because I thought you had a shitty coach, but now we do. Okay.

You still do. All right. Well, I don't know what's happening. Maybe the uniform, but, but, uh,

I, the guy's 24 and he looks like he's, if you're doing, if we're doing like, who do you want for the fantasy playoffs next week, week 15. And we're drafting receivers. He's now one of the five guys you would draft. The guy that scored 40 points today?

Yeah, I would think he would be in the mix. Yeah. So I don't know. It's a pretty amazing trade. The shocking thing to me is usually when teams do these mid-season trades, it usually goes the other way. It usually ends up like the Golden Tate thing, right? Or nothing. Yeah, right.

Where it's like, oh, man, I thought that guy was going to be good for us, and he sucks. But in this case, it's like, this guy's the best receiver you've had since Michael Irvin. Honestly, he's more explosive than Dez. Yeah. He's a playmaker. He's great. Like I said, they're not anywhere close to where they are without him.

Prescott threw the ball 54 times today. Yeah. That's insane. And he overthrew Gallup 11 times. I was going crazy. Gallup must hate Prescott because the game could have been over earlier if he hit something like that. Yeah, Gallup's going to break his wrist diving for these balls

that are just outside his hands. Him and everybody on the Bears. The Bears is more dangerous because Trubisky throws those high floaters that can get the guy potentially like a serious neck injury as they jump up and just get undermined. But both guys have to be frustrating. And it's a frozen field, too, when the Bears receivers are diving. But yeah, I don't know. Spend an he's, when the bears receivers are diving, but yeah, I don't know.

Spend an extra 10 minutes when, when the team goes into a grab water, just come on Prescott. That's going to kill us. One of the funniest, one of the funniest things of this is when they show the Cowboys owner suite now, which they have to show contractually,

I think Jones has to just be like a pig and shit right now. Oh yeah. Like they right now. Oh, yeah. Like, they're playing well. It's a realistic Super Bowl possibility to at least make the NFC title game now, right? You're going to host in Seattle in round one, but it's in Dallas. And then in round two, you have the Saints,

who have not exactly lit the world on fire these last two weeks. You'd be going there. But it's not unwinnable. It's not like, I think you will be a single-digit underdog, right? You'd be like a 7.5, 8-point underdog. Yeah, probably right in there. It's winnable.

You already beat them, yeah. You already beat them. And in football, that does right in there. It's winnable. We already beat him. Yeah. You already beat him. And in football, we, that does seem to matter. It's not like basketball. Um, I don't know,

man. What do you do? Do you, do you go to the first playoff game? Uh, you kind of have to, I guess. I've told this kid,

these kids that I'll take that. Yeah. What kids? Who's kids? I don't know. I think they, these kids that I'll take down. What kids? Whose kids? I don't know. I think they're my kids. Your kids? Yeah.

You take Archie? I really want to go. Yeah, he wants to go. This has all the makings of, at some point over the next seven weeks, the worst loss of Archie's life. What if they don't even make the playoffs? What if they blow it? The Giants right now are playing like the best team in the division.

If they were six and seven, I'd be worried. Archie's 13. Is he cried from sports yet? Have you seen tears rolled down his eyes? He said he, um, he said he walked over towards, uh, the pool table and Corolla's warehouse because he was getting, uh, he's getting teary eyed when, uh, when the Eagle scored a touchdown when the Titan got his helmet ripped off and they tied it back. Yeah, the worst call of the season?

The offensive pass interference where he just touched the guy? That was bad. And then as he's scoring a touchdown, the defender rips his helmet off, but that's not a penalty? That was amazing. Yeah, that helmet seemed to come off like four times. Yeah, that is true. I think that helmet's like four sizes too big on him for some reason.

That is true. You trying to, you trying to throw water on the Amari Cooper trade is I think my single favorite podcast moment of the year. There's no way, there's no way you're not like throwing a football in your house and pretending you're Amari Cooper when nobody's around. Just like,

of course, but they would have been able to sign them anyway next year. So what is, if they win the division, I guess it's worth it. Of course, but they would have been able to sign them anyway next year. So if they win the division, I guess it's worth it. You have a chance to make the Super Bowl. You already beat the Saints. I know, I know. But I'm saying if what we think is going to happen happens and they lose

in the first round or something, is it then worth it? Probably, but it's not. Everyone's just going a little too over. It's still worth it. The pick's in the 20s. Who cares at that point? The pick's in their 20s, but they would add a pick Not everyone's just going a little too. It's still worth it. The picks in the twenties. Who cares at that point? Yeah. Who's the picks in their twenties, but they would add a pick without him.

The pick would have been in number eight. And if they hadn't traded it now, Jerry Jones is like 80 and you're getting up there too. You're in your mid forties. Now it's time to fucking go for it. I hear you. Who is that? Who's the second guy Gallup?

Where the fuck do you get him from? Was it Colorado? Colorado State? Where's he from? Is he a high draft pick? No, not too bad. Yeah. The guy's open like seven times a game. He's open by three yards.

I don't understand it. He must be furious with what goes on. All right, let's take a quick break. Let's take a break to talk about Roman. Let's face it, guys are terrible at taking care of their health. Studies show 70% of guys who experience erectile dysfunction don't get treated for it. That's bad. The thing that most people don't realize, ED is like a check engine light for a man's body. It could be an indicator that there's something more serious going on,

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Now Pat's in Houston, both nine and four Pittsburgh seven, five and one Baltimore seven, seven and six. So Baltimore pulled that game off today. They would have been winning the AFC North, which I didn't even think was in play. Chargers at 10-3, locked up.

I mean, definitely a five seed. Still kind of lingering. They're at KC this week. We'll talk about that in a second. So I guess they're still lingering a tiny bit for the AFC West. I don't really see that. But if they don't get that, they could conceivably rest

the last two weeks of the season because they'd be locked into the five seed. And then a four-way tie for the sixth playoff spot. Baltimore, Indy, Miami, Tennessee, all seven and six. Denver, six and seven. As far as cross-offs go, can we get rid of the Broncos?

I think we can, right? You know, I looked at it, and I don't think we can. Really? Yeah, there's still a road for them to finish nine and seven, and it might end up being like a five-way tie at nine and seven. I don't think we can cross them off. So then in the NFC, New Orleans and the Rams, both 11-2. New Orleans has a tiebreaker. Chicago

9-4. Green Bay at San Fran at Minnesota left. So they are not locked into the three seed. Sal, if you can get... If you can leapfrog them, you're 8-5. You got at Indy, home Tampa, at the Giants the last three. If you can get to that three

seed, that road to the Super Bowl gets a hell of a lot easier. You're playing the second best wildcard team, and then you'd have the Rams in round two. And the Rams just look pretty beatable these days. Well, I think we mentioned it last week, but I think everybody wants to avoid the five seeds in both conferences. I think Seattle's playing well. They know the playoffs.

Pete Carroll knows how to win that first game. At least, you know, the chargers, the same thing. Yeah. So with Seattle, if they beat the four seed and then go,

so now it's not the Rams, I guess, but if it were Seattle, the Rams, this will be the third time they'd play them. And they played them close twice. Same kind of deal with the Chargers. The Chargers win the 5-4 matchup, then go to the Chiefs,

provided they play them close Thursday. You know, these are teams. The one-seeds don't want to see these teams for sure. It looks like we're going to have a really bad second wildcard team in the NFC. You got Minnesota 6-5-1 playing Monday night. Carolina 6-7. Washington, Philly, both 6-7.

Washington is a cross-off. We can cross them off, right? They're gone. Yeah, they're gone. And then Green Bay, who somehow we can't cross up at 5-7-1 because there is a world

in which Green Bay and Minnesota are 8-7-1 together. Oh, and then I guess, would Minnesota get the tiebreaker at that point? They would. Well, they play each other, right? No. They already played. Oh, they played twice? Yeah, they tied the first time.

Minnesota plays Chicago. Oh, yeah. Minnesota gets the tiebreaker. They have a win and a tie, right? Well, so let's say Minnesota loses their 6-6-1. They'd have home Miami, at Detroit, home Chicago last three weeks. I mean, they could absolutely finish 7-8-1. I don't think Minnesota's very good.

My point is I'm not crossing off the Packers yet. And everybody made a big deal about, oh, they showed them. To me, I watched that game. The Falcons went down, they scored. Yeah. Joe Philbin blew both challenges in a minute and a half. And then everybody was reminded that he's not very good at coaching. And then the Falcons just kind of rolled over.

And I don't know what quitting on a coach looks like. And I know they've had some injuries on the defensive end. But, man, are they a mess. I mean, they are a mess, and I think there's a real chance that Dan Quinn gets fired. I tweeted this during the game. I hate to just rehash my tweets as podcast content, but it really struck me watching that game

that Matt Ryan's contract is probably the worst contract in the league now. Really? He's 33. He's in the first year of that deal. It's like a hundred million guaranteed. He's 30 million this year, but a hundred million guarantee going forward. And if you watch them play,

like he just looks like he's passed his prime. Doesn't look good anymore. I know, but the numbers don't bear out. He was like the number three quarterback in the league two weeks ago. Like, I don't know. I don't understand.

I know what you're saying. It seems like they quit, and I don't know how long you need to hold on to a Super Bowl coach. It's empty stats, though. I mean, remember Neil Lomax in the 80s? He'd put up these stats and be like,

oh, wow, Neil Lomax is third. It was more impassivating, though, I think. I don't know. There were some other weird things. When you watch the Falcons, does it look to you like Matt Ryan's playing well? No, I don't know. That's what I'm saying. It's not right.asserating, though, I think. I don't know. There were some other weird things. When you watch the Falcons, does it look to you like Matt Ryan's playing well? No, I don't know. That's what I'm saying. It's not right. It doesn't add up.

Rodgers, too, had the same thing, and yet they gave his coach, McCarthy, came back for his belongings, and they gave him a standing ovation. I know. You think it was a sarcastic thing? You think they were like, good, he's finally here to get his shit out of here. Good. Let's give him a round of applause. That coach was quit on for sure.

He was quit on. And then the Winston Moss, who then they fired because he got a little salty on Twitter. He's making the talk show rounds today. It's clear there's so much more to this Aaron Rodgers thing. Yeah. There's just a lot of red flags all over the place with him. I know we've talked about him before. Did you cross off the Eagles? No, because I...

How do they make it? They have the Rams and the Texans, I think, right? They have two crazy games coming up. I know, but nine wins makes it, so I can't cross them off yet. And I also thought they— At Rams, they have to lose that game. I mean, what's with the Rams if they don't win that game Sunday night? What are the Rams showing you at this point, though?

I don't know. It's just not the same team. They might have—we see this every year, these teams that peak in the first eight to nine weeks, but they just don't seem like the same team anymore. And especially, even the throws Trubisky had that they picked today, they were more bad throws than Rams defense. You know what I mean?

He's just sailing balls over people's heads. What else did you see? We had a really funny fantasy week. We had a couple guys, because the fantasy playoffs, I had a bye week in our league, and you were 1-12, so you were a long guy. But there were some classic fantasy playoff moments. Derrick Henry had like 48 points, was on Jon Hamm's bench this week,

and Jon Hamm is now going to lose. He was only in, out of every team that had him, he was only in like 14% of the lineups this week nationwide. So yeah, that was a bad one to have on your bench. And then Amari Cooper, Amari Cooper who conceivably probably got waived in a couple leagues potentially, right? In the first five weeks.

Yeah, for sure. He had like 31 points. Yeah, like 40. He had like 39-7 in my league, yeah. So he's doing it. And then, you know, the guys, the old staples that you would think would be starting, like Cam Newton and some of those types of people. Goff, who was awesome all year and then, you know, shit the bed today.

Pretty strange. Just in general. Rivers only had like 15. Yeah, Breeze only had 19. It was weird. And I don't think Mahomes let it out. Well, we have Derrick Henry. What does that rank in terms of the greatest runs?

I don't put it at number one. I don't know if it's top three. What's number one then? Well, I'm partial to TD, to Tony Dorsett. But I even think Beast Mode, even though it crushed me, I had Saints on every teaser in that wild card game. That run will always stand out to me. It was more important too.

I feel like the significance of the run has to factor in, not just the highlight of it. Because the Beast Mode run was kind of iconic for when it happened. They were big underdogs in that game, home for the playoffs, like just everything about it kind of set up the decade for them. And another one that I think is way up there is the Bo Jackson knocking over Bosworth. Oh, that was great.

But if you start going that way, everybody had their one awesome run. But I'm still partial to Beast, though, just because of the time and whatever. I mean, that Jacksonville, Tennessee, who's going to remember that? I know. And this taints it further for me. The face mask. He threw a guy down by his face mask. They never call in on the running back.

I know. They got to figure that out. And you know, now that they're calling, lowering the head on offensive players. Thanks. Zeke was the first one of the year. And I guess offensive player to be called for that.

Yeah. You could start calling this face mask on the, on the running back. That was weird. Clear as day. Do you want to ask Andrew Luck about his big win? Oh yeah. Yeah.

Andrew Luck. We now take you to comments from Andrew Luck. Big win, sitting pretty in the, well, right now, seventh seed looking in to catapult the Baltimore Ravens for the sixth seed, Andrew Luck, seven and six. Your next game is home against the Dallas Cowboys. What are your thoughts? Bro, last week, it left a terrible taste in everybody's mouth. And I think we just wanted to go out and play Indianapolis Colts football

and do our thing. And that's what we did. And we're taking it one week at a time right now. One week at a time. That's all we can do. Those are the comments of Andrew, the giant luck, who will be facing the Cowboys at the Kiel Auditorium in St. Louis. Why that came to St. Louis, I have no idea.

All right, let's do the Crown Royal water break. Crown Royal is doing something pretty cool this football season. They launched a responsible drinking campaign called the Water Break. All right, let's do the Crown Royal water break. Crown Royal is doing something pretty cool this football season. They launched a responsible drinking campaign called the Water Break. It's all about encouraging people to hydrate between drinks for a better experience while they're at the game, watching at home, or watching in a bar with a cousin, Kyle. Have a great time. Enjoy some Crown.

Don't be that person. That ruins it for everyone. We've all seen that guy who drank too much watching the game. Make the right call. Take a water break. Sal, who made the right call this week? Let's pour a little of Crown Royal, but let's also pour some Captain and Ginger for the Ginger coach of the day.

And you're not going to hear me say this before or after. Jason Garrett made the right call in overtime. Fourth and two. He went for it. Had a field goal. Had a kicker. Made a 62-yard field goal. Could have, certainly was there distance-wise,

even though he had missed one, but Jason Garrett goes for it. The play, I think we got a little bit lucky, the Cowboys did, with Zeke barely crossing the fourth down, the red line on fourth down. I would have liked to have seen a zone, zone read out of Dak Prescott,

which actually was the next play went for seven yards, but good for you, Jason Garrett. Nice call a field goal at best. I think ties you, you leave that a home arena with a tie. So nice job by you, Jason Garrett,

the clapper. I almost wanted to say it. I did it. All right. The clapper. He's going to be your coach until you're like 58 years old. Oh, man. You'd be retiring from locking in after it's two hours a day.

You're going to take too much, but you still have the Clapper. So bad. My call of the week goes to the city of Irvine. Yeah. My daughter, her biggest soccer tournament, probably of the fall slash winter was this weekend. And it rained in California on Wednesday and on Thursday. And on Thursday night, we get this crazy email that they've decided to cancel pretty much three-fourths of the tournament, except for some of the games that were on turf.

You would think it was like a tsunami here or something. We're so pissed off. Not only did we pay to be in the tournament, my daughter's team, but you could have been in a lot of different tournaments. We chose this one. We had this one team that was from Pennsylvania that flew to California to be in the tournament. So they're staying at some hotel in Orange County.

Now they have no tournament, nobody to play. Friday morning, beautiful, sunny, probably peaks it around like, I don't know, 65, 66 degrees, sunny all day. We ended up scrimmaging the team from Pennsylvania on a grass field in Hollywood and then Saturday guess what another sunny beautiful day no tournament for us

great call wait when did they cancel this game because no when when did they they canceled everything on Thursday night

and it stopped raining probably three minutes after the email got sent oh man wow I love living in Southern California but every every once in a while, Southern California is the absolute worst. And this is one of those times.

It honestly rained for a day and a half, and the fields were probably fine five hours later. Right. So anyway, they did not make the right call this week, Sal. And I'm feuding with the city of Irvine. Oh, you are? Yeah. I used to like it because the Irvine spectrum is there but now no

you know what else? Anaheim is a second rate sports town you guys deserve it you suck Irvine. Crown Royal reminds everyone this football season to take a water break and hydrate responsibly hydrate your freaking fields Irvine so you don't have to cancel because it rained

for one day. I feel bad that I never go the negative way. I forgot that the wrong call is an option here. Yeah. Well, this was the wrong call because it was perfectly sunny and really nice for two straight days. Do you know what UC Irvine's mascot is? What is it? Was their team nicknamed that? The Cowards?

It might as well be. The Anteaters. The Anteaters. The Anteaters. Perfect. Perfect. There you go. Anaheim is the Worcester of Southern California. No love.

No love for the Anteaters. Wow. Let's talk about Week 15 lines. We should mention, on this very podcast, we talked about how great the underdogs look this weekend. Yeah. Did the same thing with Joe House when I made my Thursday million dollar picks.

And I wanted to do the money lines for five underdogs because I loved all the underdogs. House talked me out of one of the five, which were the Niners, which won. And then talked me out of doing money lines, just talked me into just doing straight up. Ended up winning a little, but if I had just done all the money lines,

I would have rigged it in. Which one were you going to do? The Eagles lost. The Eagles lost. 49ers, Colts, and then... Dolphins? No, it wasn't the Dolphins. That wasn't funny, and I didn't appreciate that.

The Browns? I don't know. No, I had the Falcons, the Niners, the Eagles, the Colts, and the Browns. Yeah. And if it was I had the Falcons the Niners the Eagles the Colts and the Browns yeah and if I had done all those money lines it would have done

really well I'm banning Joe House from the podcast that's it he's done yeah I'm banning him he can stay in the House of Carbs

and talk about golf on Shack House he's not allowed poor Joe House didn't get in the super contest every Sunday morning emailed us hey guys what are your top five we can go head to head against each other poor Joe house didn't get in the super contest every Sunday morning. Emails us.

Hey guys, what are your top five? We can go head to head against each other and tally it at the end of the year. And you, you tapped out not, not because of a bad record, just you lost interest.

Like in week six. Yeah. It was like week three, three men. Joe house is getting all expenses paid trip to Irvine, California next week. Instead of being on the podcast, he's going to eat ants?

Is that going to be house six? That day and a half of rain was just too much for the city of Irvine. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. We got to call the National Guard. It rained for a day and a half. You would have missed the Patriots game, too.

That would have been great. They really screwed you. Oh, God. The field's a little slippery. Send everyone home. Wait, there's teams here from Pennsylvania and other states? Ah, screw them. They can hang out in the hotel.

They must hate California. God. Good Lord. Way to live up to your reputation, California. All right. Week 15, Thursday night. Pat Mahomes and the KC Chiefs going against the Chargers of Los Angeles. Do you think anybody in your life or your extended life went to the Bengals-Chargers game today?

Oh, that I don't know. Kyle, do you know anybody who went to that game? No, no. I'd love to know who went. It didn't work for them, but they probably didn't go, right? They were very careful about never showing wide shots of the stadium. Interesting. They must have put the word out.

Not a lot of Driscoll fans there. Was his name Jeff Driscoll? Jeff Driscoll. Yeah, not a lot of fans. He almost blew that game too. I have the Chiefs by six over the Chargers, and I think this is a scary game for the Chiefs. The Chargers did the old Milton Berle against the Bengals.

They tried to do as little as possible to pull that one out. I thought something was up. I thought something was up with Vegas in this. So I went four. And something was way up because it's only three and a half. Interesting. I guess they figured the defense is sloppy

there's no running game and they made the Ravens that went off at like 6-6.5 so this is a closer game I guess so you think they're treating this like this is an actual playoff game line

yeah I think so and I think Vegas lost money a little bit when the Chargers went to Pittsburgh last Sunday night. They could weather the elements and they could win on the road. So they want to protect themselves a little bit. Sunday marquee, Steelers, Pats. No way, hold on now. Yeah.

I'm going to hit you with a bombshell. Yeah. It's two Saturday games. Oh, God, I'm so bad at this. Wait, how many schedule screw-ups have I had this year? All of them. Every single one.

Two Saturday games. You should be excited about that. I am excited. I just feel like, you know, I spent a lot of time preparing for the podcast. I should have known. I know, but you're a Luka Doncic.

You've moved on. Did you see that? Did you see they flew our guys, Isaac and Galgar, they flew them to sing Hala Luka. They sang it in front of a mostly delighted and somewhat confused audience during the game, during a timeout. Yeah.

And people seemed to enjoy it. And then Luka came alive at the end and scored 11 in a row to win the game. And the headlines were Hala Luka after alive at the end and scored 11 in a row to win the game. And the headlines were, how Luka after this is a thing now, Sal, he was, it was trending.

It's trending. I love it. Yeah. You know what else is trending? The comparisons to Larry Bird. I know you don't like that. No, I'm okay with it.

Really? Yeah. Cause he's kind of a doughy white guy. Like, like Larry with the good feel for the game. I know you can't endorse this fully because you have a vote, but minus 120 for rookie of the year. Some of the general trifecta got in on that.

What is it now? That's what it was. That's what it is. That's what it is now? Well, yesterday morning. Oh, I'm not allowed to bet on that, though. I know, but I'm just, you know, as an advisory role. He'd have to get hurt.

So Aiden is no chance. I don't really see who's stepping on Luka unless he gets hurt. And if he does get hurt, it's not going to be Aiden. All right. I remember we did the podcast, and I think House, when we did the preseason, I think House was the one who talked about Colin Sexton. One of us did. Yeah, he liked him.

Just about if that team was really bad, he might just put up stats. And he's been putting up stats lately, and the team's really bad. And he has the ball a lot. And he's somebody to watch out for, too. And Trey Young won't sustain. All right, so it's really those. Okay, I'm going to get with House. I know Trey Young won't sustain. Alright, so it's really those. Okay.

I'm going to get with House. I know Trey Young has not played that well. So he's putting up stats just because the team's bad but he hasn't shot really well at all. So he's not really on the radar yet.

I would say Lucas running away. There are two Saturday games. That's really what anybody needs to know. What are they? Tell me what they are. The first one,

4.30 Eastern, Texans at the Jets. I mean, we joke about this every year. They do this specifically to ruin relationships. One party likes football more than the other, and they're supposed to hang out and do the holiday shopping or whatever. Notice how I made this a unisex thing? The holiday shopping is getting killed.

It feels like it's a week early this year, but yeah, it's going to get killed by this. Yeah, that's true. I have a, this is at the Jets. At the Jets, yeah. I have the Texans by six. Who gets it? We both get it.

It's six and a half. I said seven. This is kind of a sneaky losable game for them. You know, if the Jets didn't win this week, I would say you're right. And the Texans, it's kind of fallen into place for me. Texans, betting-wise, I think.

Well, they lost today. What's the other Saturday game? The other one is Browns. It's a night game. Browns at Broncos. Ooh. More fun. You probably wouldn't think these teams would have, well, maybe Denver, but they have 11 wins total through week 14.

That's pretty good. I have the Broncos by three and a half. Yeah, you get it exactly. I said four. Man. So you think a nine and seven. So there won't be a 10 and six succeed, huh? I exactly. I said four. Man. So you think a nine and seven, so there won't be a 10 and six, succeed, huh?

I think it's conceivable. Yeah. All right, let's- Colts, the Dom side. I'm just fascinated by this because I want someone to bet against it. I know the Dolphins are going to be last year's or this year's bills and they're going to sneak in

and we're going to hate it. We're going to bet against them in the next three weeks and we're going to bet them against them in the next three weeks and we're going to get slammed but alright go to Sunday there's an interesting Saturday

underdog money line parlay that I think could be because what are Jets will be like what like plus 240 sure yeah Browns will be like plus 170

plus 180 yeah maybe not that high but yeah so that what's that combined like 5 to 1 uh 180 180 plus 180? Yeah, maybe not that high, but yeah. So that, what's that combined? Like five to one? Uh, 180,

whatever. Yeah, almost six to one. Six to one? Yeah. It's not inconceivable. I liked how the Browns played today. Carolina,

it's not like they weren't trying to win that game. I thought that was one of, even though the stats didn't support it, I thought that was one of Mayfield's best games. Yeah,

he was good. He threaded the needle. He really threw some nice best games. Yeah, he was good. He threaded the needle. He really threw some nice passes there. Yeah, he was good. And there were a couple different moments when it just seemed like the Panthers were probably going to either kind of get the game under control or put it away. Yeah. And the Browns kept coming back.

Maybe he was good next to Cam because Cam can't throw downfield for some reason. Well, Cam's hurt. For some reason. The last couple weeks, it happened. Cam's not healthy. That was the biggest reason I bet on the Browns today. That's it. Sunday game, marquee, Pittsburgh Pats in Pittsburgh.

I have Steelers by three, Sal. There's no line. I said two but there's no line right now. I don't know why they think Big Ben won't play. Jump back in that courageously, I thought, against the Raiders, but it wasn't enough. What was his injury?

I had that on the smaller TV. I never found out. Ribs. I saw ribs. Yeah. He was eating ribs? He was eating ribs. That missed field goal at the end was a killer,

but they never play well there. There were two really terrible plays today that seemed fluky. One was Gronkowski just falling for some reason. It felt like if he doesn't fall at all, he pushes the guy out of bounds. I thought he gets to the corner. Everyone was arguing

against me that he's not going to get there anyway. But I thought he... Gets a hand on him. I was thinking about it with Gronk. Oh, the other terrible play was the Boswell just falling. Yeah. Just a full-fledged face plant. Like, you would see that in a Division III college game.

I was surprised. That's what happens when you play on the wet Anaheim field. Oh, no way. The city of Irvine, yeah. That's why Irvine canceled that soccer tournament. They want Chris Boswell to fall. But I was thinking if Gronkowski had made the tackle on the three-yard line, even if he didn't slip, but if he'd read the play better

and just was the last line of defense and made it, that really would have been a legendary game for him because he was really good on offense. And then it's like, oh, and then he made the game-saving tackle on the music city miracle part two but now he fell down i think he would have it would have been bad because he would have had some crazy celebration the dolphins have cheerleaders and he would have grabbed one swung around by the hair and they would have it would have been an extra play and yeah that would have been it definitely did you see oh you obviously saw,

cause you watched the Cowboys. It was the first time we saw a touchdown celebration. Yeah. Cockblock, I guess is the word I'd use there. The Cowboy came over, the Eagles were in the middle of some idiotic celebration and one of the Cowboys came over and started messing with them.

It was pretty exciting. Well, cause I know, I think the statement there is, Hey, we're shutting you assholes out. And then Dak throws a pick, which allows you guys to start a drive from the two-yard line. Don't shove it in our face right now.

You're not doing anything. Oh, I like this. Look at, now you're all like pro cowboys after you shit on the Amari Cooper trade. I was worked up there, I know. Jesus. Great trade. Go back to your reverse jinx of the Amari Cooper.

I can't even keep track anymore of what I'm supposed to say. He's on pace to be Jerry Rice circa 1988, but I don't know. The jury's still out of this trade. He's on pace for 28 touchdowns and 3,000 yards, but you know, it's early. I do this all the time. I'm locking in Clay Travis baits me with some stat that,

that makes it such that Dak Prescott is an upper echelon quarterback. It drives me crazy. I'm like, Oh, you don't have to kiss his ass. He's going to get the nine figure deal and they're going to win every game or lose every game 20 to 17 for the rest of my life. Yeah, that's it. That's fine. It's okay. It's going to be nine, six going into the fourth quarter of the next 10 years of my life. Yeah, that's it. That's fine. It's okay. It's going to be nine, six going into the fourth quarter of the next 10 years of my life. Yeah.

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I can't say both teams are running on all cylinders right now. I wish this meant something more. They're a game and a half ahead, the Patriots. Well, maybe there'll be some trash talking on one side or the other to get it going. I'm happy to start right now. We've owned the Steelers for this entire century. Regardless of how

good the Patriots are. And they're not especially good this year, but I'm sure of very few things. One of them is that we own Pittsburgh. I think you own the instant replay booth last year when Jesse James scored a touchdown they took it away from him but I see what you're saying

I was finishing up end of the year taxes and I always forget I always had to put in a little extra because the Pats fans we had to pay the tax because you own them? on the Steelers to put in a little extra oh shit yeah I forgot.

Yeah, I'm throwing another 100 on that. Yeah, I forgot about the Steeler ownership. Maybe that'll change. I wish this meant that. Not that worries. Wave your yellow towels, though, as we're walking off the field. Up three. And the game's over.

I'm talking so much trash for somebody who doesn't believe in his team at all. I don't care. I believe in ownership. The watchables. We have two. Chicago is home for the maybe, possibly, we're not sure yet, kind of, sort of rejuvenated Green Bay Packers. I'm going to love when the Bears win this game by 20

and you still refuse to cross the Packers off. But I had five. What did you have? I had four and a half. Yeah, damn. All right, you get it. It's only four. Really? Yeah. So now the first time they played, Bears are better than the first time they played, but

that was a great game. I think the Bears were up 17-0 and the Packers came back and won at home. Oh no, wait. Yeah, that was a great game. I think the Bears were up 17-0, and the Packers came back and won at home. Back when they... Oh, no, wait. Yeah, that was the first game. That was the Bears went way up, and then they... Yeah.

Rodgers got hurt and came back, and that was annoying. It was a Sunday night game, yeah. Yeah, I didn't like that. You know what's funny? I don't think the Packers are good. I think their defense stinks. But they might get through the rest of the season

without playing a quarterback that can torch their defense. I mean, they have nobody left in their secondary. Right. But their next three are Trubisky, Jameis. I'm sorry, Trubisky, Sam Darnold, and then the artist formerly known as Matt Stafford that's it that's their season

so they might actually get to 8-7-1 and then people go oh let's see if they had fired Mike McCarthy earlier it's like no get out of here Packers aren't good I think the big story though is going to be their offensive line they had three on the injury report this week Beluga was a mess

but the Bears could really just they could put Rogers down like 7 or offensive line. They had three on the injury report this week. Beluga was a mess. They didn't play, but the Bears could really just, they could put, they could put Rodgers down like seven or eight times next week. One of my favorite things in football is people really are trapped in the moment of what happened recently. And they, they never go backwards and remember stuff like Joe Philbin,

why he got fired from Miami. Right. The only reason I remember it, cause I had my column back then and we had this podcast. So we would like, Philbin, why he got fired from Miami. Right. The only reason I remember it, cause I had my column back then and we had this podcast. So we would like, you know, dive pretty deep in this stuff. Joe Philbin was reprehensible at Miami. Remember that? They were quitting on him for weeks and weeks

and they wouldn't fire him. And it was like, I remember on Twitter, I had a running joke, like weeks after he got fired, like the Dolphins are still quitting on Joe Philbin. Like that's how bad it was. It was like a full-fledged disaster. Oh, he was a great hard knocks character. And he was horrible.

He was the top three worst hard knocks coach ever. And when he had to fire Houshmandzada, or not Houshmandzada, Ocho Cinco. Yeah. He was almost in tears. He was an awful head coach. And then they fire McCarthy. And you hear the reporters and they're like, people think Joe Philbin has every chance to get this job.

It's like, are you kidding me? Nobody has a long-term memory? Right. That cannot be the coach that they've replaced Mike McCarthy with. So you are not going to put, this is not our teaser number typically, minus four. But I was thinking of Chicago unless you think tonight's win was

just so big that they might let down a little bit. It feels like a Moneyline parlay tease, not a tease tease. I will say though, it is. I stayed away from the Bears today. I love the Bears. I was waiting for that line to get to three and a half and never got there, but part of me was happy not to

have money on Trubisky. And then you watch him just sailing balls all over the place. And it's just not fun to bet on them. It's fun to watch them, not fun to gamble on the Bears. It was great defense, but Goff did have to have his worst game as a pro to do it. Part of me just wants to go to Chicago with a hidden camera and talk to Bears fans excitedly about the team and then about eight minutes in steer their conversation to Trubisky.

Well, I mean, you know, Mitch might pick it up, right. And like start out with some hopefulness. And then by the end of it, they're just bitter. He's another one that might be hurt though, too. They might've rushed him back. That shoulder is probably not right. The ball didn't have a lot of zip on it in the first half. It didn't.

It's not like accuracy was a strong suit of his before the injury, though. No, for sure. The other watchable, your team. We did it. Your team's in Indianapolis. This is a full-fledged watchable game. Andrew the Giant, Dak Prescott, Amari the greatest trade ever, Cooper,

Zeke the offensive headhunter, Elliot, the clapper, a bunch of stars. I have the Colts favored by two and a half over the Cowboys. All right. I hit this one on the head. It's three. They gave it a full three.

Game needs more to the Colts. Need to keep winning. Cowboys really, there's a chance the Cowboys, and I know you say they can jump into a three seed, they may not have to win another game to win this division.

Eight and eight could be enough. God, you hit the lottery with that division. Yeah, well, that's the other thing. How funny was it, by the way? Look,

the Kaepernick thing has turned into, there's two separate arguments happening at the same time, and one is a little bit irrational and one is actually really rational there's the one side that's operating like he was really good the last few years or to some alternate

reality where it's the biggest travesty of all time that somebody as talented as this person doesn't have a job which is a slight exaggeration because we were betting against him religiously in that time that somebody as talented as this person doesn't have a job, which is a slight exaggeration because we were betting against him religiously in that last season. He was putting up pretty empty stats.

Now, he's still somewhere between I would say 25 and 35 for quarterbacks. There's a lot of guys like that who aren't good, but are still kind of, you can, at least they can steer the ship.

He was definitely one of those guys. I don't know. Is he, I know where you're going with this. Is he better than Josh Johnson? Who was probably, if I remember correctly, was one of your original NFL crushes. No, no, no. That was Josh Freeman.

Who was it? Josh Freeman, not Josh Johnson. Oh, Josh Freeman. Who was it? Josh Freeman, not Josh Johnson. Oh, Josh Freeman. Oh. I knew it wasn't Josh Rosen or Josh Allen. But when they still have a chance to make the playoffs and they don't consider Kaepernick because he couldn't

learn their playbook in time, but then Josh Johnson's out there in the second half and they signed him four days ago, that's when it becomes ridiculous. Yeah, right. I wish someone would just work him out already and see, oh, maybe he doesn't throw the ball. Work him out. These guys haven't thrown in years.

Like, you know, Kaepernick, you've seen him in a commercial. That's all you've seen out of him in the last year and a half. Yeah, but that's my point. Bring him in. All right. Bring him in. Throw some passes. Let's see it.

The guy was in a Super Bowl five years ago. And instead, you have Josh Johnson, who then you're playing. That's the part I don't get. But you understand why they didn't have him come in on Thanksgiving, right? No one wants to see him kneel on Thanksgiving, right? Against the Cowboys. That would have been a PR disaster. I know, but this is so annoying because this is a blackballing,

and it's outrageous. But he's also not as good as the layoff has made it seem. But the truth in between these two stories is that it's absolutely ridiculous that nobody's bringing him in to at least work him out. Work him out. Did you see the list of the QBs? Josh Johnson, EJ Manuel. Like, come on. The NFL's going to have to pay him like $150 million is where this is heading.

Because there's no way this is not a blackballing. Yeah. I don't know. I just think the result is going to be disappointing for all Kaepernick fans. 100%. Which is why I did the big qualifier in the beginning. He was not playing very well for multiple years, but he's still better than Josh Johnson. Well, so which game is this?

Oh, this is, oh, we're saying the NFC East is bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm with you. All right, the barely watchables. First one, Minnesota home for the miracle Miami Dolphins. The Dolphins are seven and six. It is the dumbest thing probably of the last five years.

I have them on a monster parlay to not make the playoffs. So whatever you could do to bet them to make the playoffs, go right ahead, young man. That's a winner. I already lost a small fortune on them today. So I have the Vikings by five. I'm putting this right in the Vegas zone. I think this is watchable, actually.

There are two teams vying for the playoffs. I think one of them actually makes it. I said four. This line is eight, Bill Simmons. Ooh. Eight. On a short week. I have to say the Vikings get a lot of respect for a team that's not very good.

Yeah. That doesn't really do anything that well. Eight's crazy. That's dumb. I like the Dolphins. The Dolphins are eight and six after that game. As a Patriots fan, which team, let's say you did make the three seed.

It's not happening, but let's say you dropped all the way down to three. What's the order of teams you don't want to see? Colts one. I'm going to say Colts one, Titans two. No, Colts one.

Oh, I'm sorry. Wait, Colts one. I'm going to say Ravens two, Titans three. Oh, no. I would say Ravens one, Colts two. Because the Ravens

have a good defense. Yeah, the Ravens could do the just run the ball, chew up clock, try to win a 13-10 game. You have trouble with quarterbacks like Mariota too though, right? We have trouble with every quarterback. What are you talking about? Ryan Tannehill was three touchdowns today. No interceptions.

That's what I was going to get you to say. Ryan Tannehill was on one leg today and somehow had over 100 QB rating. Yeah. You're just baiting me. I got you. All right. Giants home, playing the Titans.

I had the Giants by two and a half. I'm going to have to say you cheated on this one. Right. Because there's no way. I had Tennessee by two. The Titans were vying for a playoff spot. No, they stuck. The Titans will have had 10 days off.

No. They're an underdog by two and a half to the Giants. Who knows if Beckham's playing? What's the line? What's the line? You got it. You got it exactly. That's why you cheated.

A couple of things for you, Sal. One is the Ewing theory with Odell Beckham has never been stronger. That's fun. Two. I do like that. I just want you to remember, it was on this podcast. We cut it out and did a little video of it too. It was probably after week five, week six,

when I was on an island by myself telling America that the Saquon Barkley pick was a good pick and that I'd rather have him than Sam Darnold and that he was the greatest running back I've ever seen in my life and that I thought he had a chance to be one of the seven best of all time, maybe even shorter than that. But he had the most, he brought the most things to the table of any running back I've ever seen. People laughed at me. People scoffed at me.

Even the ringer slash ESPN's Ryan Rosillo looked at me skeptically with a weird, suspicious look on his face. And I was alone. I felt alone for a while there. Not much different than Tom Hanks in Castaway. It was just me and a volleyball and some coconuts and a Saquon Barkley jersey. Just you trying to convince the volleyball that Saquon was a good pick.

I'll say this. I was on everyone. I was on Rosella. I was on everybody else's side up until recently. I still thought Darnold would have been the big pick, a nice pick. Now, I think they're going to have to wait. I think they're planning on waiting anyway. I don't know if there's a quarterback

in this draft form, but the more and more I see, and I prefaced it early with those AFC teams that don't have a running back, those top-level, top-echelon teams, my God, would Saquon Barkley help any one of those teams just win a Super Bowl, right?

He is so incredible. And I just think you have to throw, I get it. I get the QB over the running back 49 out of 50 times. This is the 50th time. Yeah. He is unbelievable. I think if the Giants go, what's the Giants record right now? What are they like?

Five and eight. Yeah. If the Giants go eight and eight, I think he's in the MVP conversation. Really? Yeah. How the fuck is that team going to win eight games? They're terrible. They're awful on every part of the ball except for him.

What are they good at? I don't know. They have a completely washed up quarterback that if you blitz him from any angle, he does like a spin roulette and just falls over. Every week you have three new guys for MVP. I know Barkham.

I'm just saying, if they go eight and eight, put him in the mix. He's got to be mentioned. He'll get rookie of the year. That's fine. He's got to be mentioned. He's going to have like 2,400 all-purpose yards running and receiving.

All right. Well, Vegas had them at seven wins. They were supposed to win seven. So they're going to win eight? You're going to go nuts? Well, they're terrible. Yeah. Listen, go talk to the Giants fans.

Ask the Giants fans in your life how they feel about Saquon Barkley. And they get all gushy. I had it happen to me three different times in the last week, and that was before today. It's not worth it. If you do that draft over again, Baker versus Saquon, I get. It's at least an argument, but Sam Darnold, no way. I'm taking Barkley every single time.

I thought it was the right pick. People love Darnold. People still love Darnold. They say his spatial awareness, like important people that you and I talk to from time to time say, this guy's going to get it. It's just a rough year.

Great. I'll take the best running back of all time. Thanks, though. Wow. Yeah, thank you. I thought that was Derek Henry. No, thank you. I'll take the goat talent running back.

Ravens are home for the Bucs. Every week I got a new MVP. Marcus Peters knocked the ball down in the third quarter. Mark Cooper. Mark Cooper's in there. If the Cowboys win 10 straight, it could be a Cooper versus Barkley for MVP. That makes more sense. Oh, my god.

The Cowboys have fewer wins without Cooper than the Giants do without Barkley, I would say. Ravens, I have seven and a half over the Bucs in Baltimore. What is this one? Ravens-Bucs. You blocked me out again. I had seven. It's eight. I think the Ravens are really well coached this year.

Harbaugh, I kind of go in and out on. Yeah. But I think he really knows what this team is. Yep. And they almost won, but they have a real identity. I would not bring Flacco back. I think whatever they have going, I would have messed with it. When they can go into Arrowhead and almost win a game like that,

I would ride that one out. They're not bringing Flacco. They're not. I mean, he was eligible to play in RG3. RG3 and out. Got the last two throws there. Yeah. They did the right thing.

Let's rip through a five-game. Do you like anything? We've mentioned how many games so far. I don't think you like anything. There's eight games we mentioned. I really like the Ravens for T's potential because Jameis is throwing people off the scent a little bit. He hasn't gone against great defenses in a few weeks.

Yeah. He is really ready to throw the ball to the other team. I saw a weird thing. That guy Godwin, that receiver, he had 10 targets and one reception. You're not going to see that much for a wide receiver. One for 10? 10 targets, one reception.

Oh, my God. Amari Cooper was the first player in NFL history with three go-ahead receiving touchdowns in the fourth quarter OT of one game. Yeah. I don't know. That trade might have been good. I'll take that.

The poop fact of five teams. First one, Falcons home for the cards. I have the Falcons by four. Oh, wow. All right. I beat you here in Vegas. Beat you up even worse. I said six and a half. It's nine. Yeah right. I'd beat you here and Vegas beat you up even worse. I said six and a half. It's nine.

Yeah, but I'm telling you, America, that's stupid. These two teams are the same team. All right. Well, that's what I thought about Arizona and the Lions all week. I was screaming about that. This is Arizona should be favored. And then the Lions, they weren't even close to scoring. You know what happened? Arizona's offensive line, they're down

to like 12 stringers. Is that what it is? Yeah. I mean, Atlanta, seriously, if they're ever going to win another game this year, this should be the game. Right.

But we shouldn't be putting money on teams like Atlanta. No. No. 15. Not at all. Okay. Lions are in Buffalo.

Mm-hmm. For some reason, I have the Lions favorite in this. I have no idea what this line is going to be but I have the Lions by two and a half I get this one I said Buffalo by one and a half and it's two

this Allen he runs for 100 yards a game it's a very strange stat line for these box scores yeah I don't know if he's the poor man's Trubisky or the rich man's Trubisky. What would you say? I don't know.

Someone should answer, ask him that in a post game interview. I'm going to run into Tate Frazier at work tomorrow and I'm going to ask him that and he might punch me. Tate was really upset. I don't think he cares that much about that as much as he does Cam Newton. Some of the trifecta members and I were on a text chain with him going off on Cam Newton because everyone seemed to have money on him

today. And he was like, guys, be careful. That's my Tony Romo. I don't want to hear it. He's injured. He's very upset. Speaking of Tony Romo, Schefter had a thing today about how the Cowboys were trying to convince Jason Winton to come out of retirement. Did you see that?

I did see that, yeah. Is there a Patreon fund that I can chip in on? Do they need help paying for the contract or to get the money price up? You just want your Monday nights in peace? Is that what you're saying? I shouldn't feel bad on Monday night. I shouldn't feel bad for the announcers. It's not even like being annoyed by the announcers.

I actually feel bad. Last week was not a good week for the ESPN announcers, It's not even like being annoyed by the announcers. I actually feel bad. Last week was not a good week for the ESPN announcers, I don't think. He just... They had to throw the... First of all, they keep calling it domestic violence.

It's not. He didn't know the girl. It's assault, right? Yeah, it's assault. It's called assault when you just assault somebody. They spent way too much time, I thought, on that.

Yeah, and it was like their attempt to give him a little bit of bite in the booth. Yeah, right. Look, some people aren't meant to be color analysts for football games. It's fine. None of us have any hard feelings. So you want a chip end? Yeah, I think it's a win-win if he comes back to the Cowboys.

You need another tight end. It's a win-win if he comes back to the Cowboys. You need another tight end. It's true. It's a great story. And they could mess around a little bit with the Monday Night Football booth. And they could do the whole thing like, yeah, yeah, after the season, you'll be back next year. It'll be great. And just kind of, that'll be it. And what happened?

Like Jeff Swain takes over the Cowboys tight end right now, goes in the booth? I wouldn't mind it. Maybe figure that out. Listen, I'm not worried about who the replacement is. Let's concentrate on the matter at hand first. I got you. And then we'll try to figure it out.

Next one, Bengals home for the Raiders. I have no freaking idea. I had the Bengals by three. This is such a horrible game. I said three also. For some reason, they made it three and a half. And for some reason, the Bengals, I look at that, and they still have five wins.

I can't believe that. Jags, Redskins in Jacksonville? I mean, Jags by six? I don't know. This is the one that pissed me off, because I thought about it for two minutes, and I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to say Jags by three.

They're closer. It's Jags by seven. Josh Johnson has already been named a quarterback and starter. Wow. Kaepernick's settlement is easily over 150. Kessler and Johnson. What a freaking mess. Kessler-Johnson.

Kidding me? That game has Chris Myers written all over it. Yeah. Seahawks 49ers. This is in San Francisco. There's some fantasy stuff at stake for this one, I think. George Kittle will be on somebody's team. He's unbelievable.

He's great. I had him on the league we're in, and then he got stolen away from me in the other league, but he's been pretty reliable. I don't want to even ask you how much you paid for him. Because I paid $30 for Gronk. It was not worth it. I'm never paying more than $6.

Oh, I paid like $3 for Kittle. Yeah. Sorry about that. And he's like the fastest tight end in like 15 years or something. Plus his name's George. Always nice to have a George. That's nice. I have the Seahawks by six.

I whiffed on this. I went even higher than that. I said eight. It's only four and a the Seahawks by six. I whiffed on this. I went even higher than that. I said eight. It's only four and a half. So you get that. Wait, let me add these up. Five, six. I think it's close.

Three. No, it's not close. Shit. You're up nine, six. Wow. All right, three left. I have to get all of them. Or two left.

Two left. I already won. You're done. Yeah. Damn it. Sunday night Rams-Eagles. I have Rams by seven. Yeah, I it. Sunday night, Rams-Eagles. I have Rams by seven. Yeah, I had seven also.

It's eight and a half. So you're saying to me, what's wrong with the Rams-Ravens Moneyline Parlay or teaser, right? I don't like what I've seen from the Ravens. I'm sorry, from the Rams, and I wouldn't trust them in a tease. Wow.

Yeah. What do you like what you saw from Philly? Well, they did have... Dead to rights, three and a half quarters. They had two D-backs that it's like Prescott couldn't decide which one to torture. And anytime the announcer uses the word, picks him up off the street, it's a bad sign for your D-back who's in one-on-one coverage against like Amari Cooper.

And then their running backs are really bad. They finally figured out just to throw Spurls out there, I think because Clement got hurt. Yeah. I mean, Press got through for 455 against Philly. So an angry Jared Goff has got to be impressive I think in this game they were pressuring him though yeah it's true

one thing I noticed with the Rams and this is to their credit the first 10 weeks they basically are in the same formation every play right they're like this is what we do we have a running back we have three receivers

we have a tight end this is who we are and I wonder after 10-11 weeks if it just becomes easy to scout it. We have running back. We have three receivers. We have a tight end. This is who we are. And I wonder after 10, 11 weeks, if it just becomes easy to scout. You're just comfortable because you're not putting thought into anything other than they're going to be doing this.

What do we do in this situation, this situation? But everything's based off that one thing. It's like they're not keeping the other team on their toes enough. Would be my weird analysis. Maybe. The Bears make you look bad defensively, I think. I guess.

I think that's what happened. I mean, they had 51. I mean, you're going to go after their offense. They had 54 against the Chiefs. They scored 30 against the Lions in a game they didn't care about. 36 against the Seahawks. They'll be fine. Okay.

I'm saying we're putting them in a teaser. Probably with a dumb bowl game to be named later. Saints at Panthers Monday night. Incredible that this doesn't mean anything, right? I mean, they can't come back from this, the Panthers. It's going to be a lot of what's wrong with Cam Newton all day Monday, and I'm going to try to ignore all of it. I know what's wrong with him.

He's hurt. Saints, three and a half over Carolina. No. I said six. It's six and a half. Yeah, that's a little too high. And they play in two ways.

They play week 17 also. I don't agree with that. It's sad that these games don't mean anything. It really is. I think that's too high. That was impressive. Did you feel like the Saints were going to play like the Rams today?

Like it was 14-3 at half. Tampa was winning. It's like, oh, they're going to give up here. This is very weird. One thing I liked about it, which I thought was a good sign for them in January and in February, their team was really into the comeback. Did you see the sidelines like the fist pumps and the celebrations and just seemed like they were locked in

and there must have been some inspiring halftime speech or something but I like that I thought that was important but conversely the Rams and the Bears both teams kind of just didn't have that same kind of vibe the Bears kind of had this vibe like

our defense has to win this because we have Mitch Trubisky and then the Rams just didn't have that same kind of vibe. The Bears kind of had this vibe like, our defense has to win this because we have Mitch Trubisky. And then the Rams just seemed discombobulated. Chiefs, the Ravens, I felt like had that kind of look to them too, that whole game. I really felt like they were locked in. They did everything they could to win that game. And the reality is, it came down to a fourth and nine and a coin toss, you know?

It came down to Mahomes being the best player on the field and they gave him one opportunity too many, right? Yeah. That's kind of what it was, I thought. Let's take one more break. Come back. Let's take a break to talk about Allbirds, dedicated to making stylish, comfortable footwear using premium natural materials designed for life's everyday adventures. Comfy shoes made from wool. That is the Allbirds Wool Runners.

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The all-new Wool Runners are available in a variety of limited edition colors at allbirds.com. So we'll do parent corner in a second, but the Baseball Hall of Fame announced today that Harold Baines and Lee Smith are Hall of Famers. Two guys from our era. Lee Smith I wasn't surprised by. And I think you can make a case

you know, really one of the first great closers of all time. And really was kind of as that role was shifting with Eckersley and some of these other guys, Lee Smith was there.

Like you bring them in the ninth inning, he slams the door. Memorable, huge. I get it. I was a little surprised he was a Hall of Famer, but I'm not shocked. Harold Baines.

I, I thought it was like a prank on the bottom line. All due respect to Harold Baines, but Harold Baines. So I would say all due respect to Harold Baines, but Harold Baines? I would say all due respect to both of them, but I was about to tweet that enough's enough now. I think maybe

there needs to be a second building for some of these guys. At least Smith is great. I think there's a stat with Harold Baines. As far as DHs go, doesn't he have one of the best statistical stat lines for DH? But come on. He didn't have a presence.

To me, that's the thing. What kind of presence does a guy like this have as we were growing up or as we're in our 20s now? Well, the heavy baseball stat nerd guys don't want to hear that. They're just looking at the math of it. And I see that. Well, the math is all different. The math from today is

different from the math from 25 years ago, for sure. Right? Yeah, but even the math isn't really in his favor. He didn't have 400 homers. He didn't hit 300. Did he have 3,000 hits? He had 2866. He was a DH for basically... did he have 3,000 hits he had 2866 he was

a DH for basically I don't know three-fourths of his career I think that's the statement

they're making if anything the DH can make it and this is he put up numbers as a DH he

the bummer my thing is so in the postseason he was there for, he was on the, um, the 90 Oakland team that lost. He never won a world series or it was never on a world series team. My thing, I always go back to this with the hall of fame and now the hall of fame has almost been ruined because of the, the, the arguments are so hyper specific now. It's like, it goes too far,

but I still go back to fundamentally if the, if I'm in the park and this guy was either pitching or playing or on a basketball, like, like, was he memorable? Did it feel like a moment that we're in the same area together? That's what I mean by presence. Yeah. That's what I feel. But now I'm looking at the rest of the ballot. Without looking at numbers, maybe these guys weren't, you know, weren't writer-friendly.

Maybe that's not why they're not getting in. Albert Bell, Joe Carter, Will Clark, not in. I don't know. Just as far as being afraid of a player, being up in the ninth inning, wouldn't you be? I know that's not the yardstick, measuring stick for this, but. I always feel like with the Hall of Fame,

if we're arguing about it for more than five seconds, they're not a Hall of Famer. Yeah. It's just like, it is what it is. You're a Hall of Famer or not. We're past five seconds. Yeah, we're like, it's five minutes. But, you know, this has happened in the NBA too.

They feel like this obligation to have an announcement every year that there's Hall of Famers. And then, you know this has happened in the NBA too they feel like this obligation to have an announcement every year that there's Hall of Famers and then you know Mitch Richmond was a real turning point and that was even more defensible than some of the ones that got in recently Dino Raja got in and

you know if you're going to just keep shoving people into the Hall of Fame just because it's Hall of Fame time we need need a couple of Hall of Famers. Like we're going to be in serious trouble. Mitch Richmond, at least for NBA jam purposes, was a presence. I mean, when he caught fire, he wasn't missing from beyond the arc. The baseball thing is so absurd though,

because some of the guys that aren't in and probably aren't ever getting in, you know, we don't have Bonds and we don't have bonds and we don't mcguire and you know so a rod's not is a rod not gonna get in now like because he cheated and the whole thing is absurd but i it just struck me i knew that because you you and i are roughly the same age and we were there for the entire harold bain's experience it was i i was just like stupefied by that one. Yeah. There needs to be a new building. There's Ruth, Garrett Cobb, and those guys,

and there's Harold Baines who did their job for, you know, and did it well for as long as they were in the league. What do you got for Parent Corner? Well, you know, I put this on Instagram. People might know about this already but this freaking this elf on the shelf is uh wreaking havoc again once once again so the idea is the elf on the shelf you put it on the shelf you move it every night parents move it every night and wherever it ends up it's watching you and it's supposed to inspire the kids to behave for the last month before Santa

gets here. All right. The elf goes back and reports to Santa in the middle of the night and then lands somewhere else in your house every day. But it's a pain in the ass to figure out. I put the over under two and a half days before I would forget to move it. Me and my wife, we made it eight days, but here's what makes it harder. So the 13 year old doesn't give a crap about this. He knows it's fake. I have a 10 year old, God bless him. I love him, but he's a simpleton. Um, and he still believes in this stuff. And then I have a four year old. Now the problem is the 10 year old goes to bed late. So it's kind of like, I'm not in that no man's land. All right. If you, if you were that old, you shouldn't believe in it. And if you're,

if you're going to bed that late, you shouldn't believe in it, but, but, but you do believe in it. So I have to keep it going. Um, so I can't even set an alarm unless it's like one 30 in the morning to hide this thing. I know I'm going to forget it. So, uh, we wake up at, uh, and it's always the same thing. My wife will wake up like at one 30 did you move the elf no i didn't i didn't so you gotta move the elf yeah so i get up and i'm like you know what screw this i'm gonna have some fun with this so i move the elf and the idea is you can't touch the elf once it lands wherever it lands if you touch it it loses its magic and then you're you're in trouble with santa so i do something diabolical i put elf, I place it right on my four-year-old's iPad. And he wakes up and he's in tears.

He's very upset. And now everyone in the family is upset with me. Everyone who knows what's going on. I have to go down. I have to pretend I don't know what's going on. It's crazy. So he's very upset. He can't move it.

He knows if he moves it, he's in trouble. And then, uh, I go to work and he comes back from school and I hear more crying in the background. My wife's like, I told him that the parents are allowed to move the elf. Um, but the kids aren't, I was like, no, no, no, no one's allowed to move that elf. That elf has to stay where it is. I'm the one who woke up and moved it. But anyway, I was overruled. There's a new rule implemented, and the parents are allowed now to move the elf. So I can't put it on iPads or TVs or refrigerators or stuff like that.

So there you go. Wow. More nonsense with the elf on the shelf. I'm going to tell some retro elf on the shelf stories. This is my parent corner because we don't do it anymore. Yeah. I don't miss it. I hated it. I grew to really hate the elf on the shelf's guts.

But we had the same thing where as the kids get older and they're kind of like, they hit that point where they're not sure they still believe it but they want to believe it but they'll kind of stay up late to see if you're going to go up or whatever.

Yeah. And it just gets later and later and later. And one time we both fell asleep and we just woke up the next morning and the kids ran down and the Elf on the Shelf was in the same spot. And my wife on the fly just did this whole, uh, Wait, wife on the fly is different from mouth on the shelf?

Wife on the fly is the spinoff. I have to order one of those. So on the fly, my wife flipped it on my kids. It was really incredible. It was one of the most incredible parenting moments I've ever seen. She was like, well, if you had made your bed and cleaned up your room, like I asked last night, maybe he would have moved. I was like, that was awesome. Really awesome. And it really, she really sold that and it seemed genuine.

But, but. Yeah, it just sucks. It only ends up being a joke on the parents because they don't behave any better. No, they don't. You know, it's a dumb thing. So I don't remember if this was last year or two years ago, but I was so fed up with the Elf on the Shelf and I was so fed up with my wife complaining about it. I stopped participating entirely.

I'm like, I'm out. I'm out. I don't care if my kids believe in this. If you want to perpetuate this whole thing, and my wife's like, well, you don't understand. Once they don't have this, they're going to grow up

and you're going to miss the days when we were hiding the Elf on the Shelf. And I'm like, to grow up and you're going to miss the days when we were hiding the elf on the shelf. And I'm like, nope, I'm definitely not going to miss the days. I know I'm not going to miss any of those days. I'll miss some things, but I'm not going to miss that. So anyway, I finally just told my kids. And they thought I was kidding, but I was like, you realize mom's the elf on the shelf, right? That's confusing.

Because what made me mad was my daughter knew, and she just wanted the elf on the shelf because every day you get a little thing, and she's just interested in what they get out of it. And my son half believed and half didn't, and I just had to break him, so I did. Right. And I have no regrets either, so. Well, the best part is the oldest one is like, he's like laughing at me. I was like, you dumbass, you believed in this two years ago. I don't even want to hear it.

I know. He's like, no, I didn't. Yeah, right. Yeah, he did. So how long is your middle son going to believe in it, do you think? What do you think the overhaul is? I'm going to have to tell him, right?

Because I just can't stay up later than him. I have to figure something out. He's going to be waiting you out, sitting in the living room, just watching. Yeah. He'll probably be like Amari Cooper's age before he figures it out. He's going to be old enough to put a drone camera in your living room to try to capture the Elf on the Shelf movie. Gotcha.

He's 23. Well, there is one thing now. For like $3 more, you could buy the elf on the shelf with a cast on its leg. And then the story is, well, he, you know, he had an accident flying from wherever it ever.

So he's, he stays in one place now. So that is a, that's a value. That's a, there's some value in that. Are you making that up? No,

I swear to God, look up elf on the shelf cast and you'll see. I would love to know how this started, why it started and whether it's just like a total marketing thing. Cause like love to know how this started, why it started, and whether it's just like a total marketing thing. Because they always said Valentine's Day. I don't know when that became what it would become. But clearly there was some major marketing dollars

and merchandising dollars at stake in making Valentine's Day a thing. And I would say Elf on the Shelf is like that too. Yeah, for sure. God. I don't miss those days, Sal. It's so funny that you have like five more years of it. Moving to fucking Elf, you're going to be in your 50s

moving to fucking Elf around at three in the morning. Congratulations. At that point, maybe you'll believe in the Amari Cooper trade though. It's the same thing, right? What do you got to plug? What about your parent corner? Nothing? No, I did retro. The only one I was going to do, but I'll just...

My daughter is now like 13 and a half and instead of us yelling at each other, which doesn't happen very often, but now we get in these text fights because she'll send me a text and she could be like three rooms away,

but we'll be texting each other. And so that's been a new wrinkle. Oh, that hurts when it's in writing, right? Yeah. And then you got to be careful. And then I don't know, she might write a book someday and she'll be like, and then dad texted me this. But we had some heated texts back and forth today about her shirking her

responsibilities yet again. And did it end with you saying, I hope you tear your ACL on a wet field? It did not. Did not. Right. Did not. I did probably blame the city of Irvine for something at some point. I love it.

That reminds me of all the proceeds from today's podcast are dedicated to the fields in Irvine, California, as they rally to come back from a traumatic day and a half of rain. They got it like three-fourths of an inch. So, you know, a lot of careers, a lot of lives at stake. We'll see how that turns out. Does Irvine have a mayor? It must have like a mayor, right? The mayor of Irvine? We should have him on next week.

Yeah, we need to have him on. The mayor of Irvine. Never know. Once those fields get slippery, all bets are off. Anything to plug, Cousin Sal? Yeah, I'm on a show called All Bets Are Off. No, wait, it's called Lock It In, something like that. Monday through Friday, 4.30 to 5.30. I won the week at a nice Moneyline Parlay.

I believed in my team. Cowboys, Chargers, minus 148. I put almost all my money on it. That was a winner. Watch for me. I'll be gloating all week. And then Jimmy Kimmel Live. And then what else?

Oh, against a lot. Yeah. It's going to be a fun one this week. I was shocked how confident you were in your team. Yeah. I just loved what they did last. I was like, you know what? This is a different team.

I have to embrace it. The defense is just too good. Clapper. I saw what Adrian Peterson did against the Eagles on one run. I said, Zeke's going to give him a dose of that all for three hours. And I wasn't right, but it was right enough. Do you want me to convince Isaac Lee and Jason Gallagher to write Clapper Lulia?

Clapper Lulia. Clapperlulia. Just him clapping for three minutes. What would it be? Yeah, I'm going to have Isaac. I'm going to get with Isaac. Get with Isaac. You write Clapperlulia. They could play it on the big giant video screen.

The Jones family can watch it. All right, guys. Good job by you. Good job by you, Billy. All right. Thanks to ZipRecruiter. Don't by you. Good job by you, Billy. All right. Thanks to ZipRecruiter. Don't forget to go to ZipRecruiter.com slash BS. Thanks to SimpliSafe.

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we will have a very famous celebrity for you until then. On the wayside On the first sun Never on I don't have To ever