The Bill Simmons Podcast - The Philly Not-Special, Baker’s Redemption, Bills-Chiefs, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

The Ringer's Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss the Buccaneers shocking the Eagles in the wild-card round, and they make coaching carousel predictions for Bill Belichick, Mike Vrabel, Jim... Harbaugh, and others (1:25) before talking Steelers-Bills and the Bills-Chiefs divisional-round matchup (20:27). Then they guess the lines for the NFL divisional round (37:18) before closing the show with Parent Corner (47:27). Host: Bill Simmons Guest: Cousin Sal Producer: Kyle Crichton The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming, please checkout theringer.com/RG to find out more or listen to the end of the episode for additional details. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Coming up, the Bills take care of business. The Eagles do not next. This episode is brought to you by Prime Video. You know me, I can't go a day without sports. I really can't. And now Monday nights are all about hockey. That's right. There's a new exclusive home
Starting point is 00:00:18 for streaming Monday night NHL hockey. And it's on Prime. All season long, watch Prime Monday night hockey deliver unreal plays, the biggest goals, can't miss moments. Matthews, McDavid, Crosby, the NHL's best. They're all on Prime. Prime Monday Night Hockey. It's on Monday. It's on Prime. It's the Bill Simmons podcast presented by FanDuel. Football is in full action. FanDuel's highest rated sports book
Starting point is 00:00:45 is the best place to bet it all. We've been doing pretty well on million dollar picks this year. I love the first month of the season because you have to go into the season thinking, I think Pittsburgh's going to be good. I think the Chargers are going to be good. I think Seattle's going to be good.
Starting point is 00:01:00 And then trying to back what you think in those first few weeks and then zag the other way if you were wrong. You could bet on new and fun markets on FanDuel like to catch your pass, same game parlays, highest scoring game across the Sunday slate, offensive TDs, the next drive. They have so much stuff. It's crazy. The app is safe and secure and easy to use. And when you win, you'll get paid instantly. Plus look out for Fanuel Squares this season. Here's what you have to do. Visit fanduel.com slash BS to download America's number one sports book. The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines
Starting point is 00:01:37 available and listen to the end of the episode for additional details. You must be 21 plus and present in select states. Gambling problem called Win 100 Gambler or visit rg-help.com. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network, where if you missed part one of this podcast, me and Cousin Sal broke down the first four games and we did Guess the Line because we only knew one game. So part two is coming up in a second. We're reacting off of the Eagles and Bills games. There is a new Rewatchables that is going up tonight as well. Guess what? I'm not on it.
Starting point is 00:02:10 And guess what? The scheduling was pretty prophetic. Chris Ryan, Andy Greenwald, Zach Barron, special guest, all Eagles fans, and we did Silver Linings Playbook. Figuring that tonight might not go that great for the Eagles so a very timely Rewatchables episode
Starting point is 00:02:31 you can go check that out check out all the Ringer podcasts check out the great stuff we've been doing on theringer.com lately as well especially the football
Starting point is 00:02:38 and basketball stuff alright we're going to bring in Sal we're going to bring in Pearl Jam let's get this party started alright Cousin Sal is here. He seems a little more upbeat than yesterday after the Dallas Cowboys season was unmercifully ended. The Eagles season was disgracefully ended tonight.
Starting point is 00:03:17 This had to make you feel a little bit better that the Cowboys might have been knocked out, but the Eagles are in complete disarray. And I actually think, who had a worse weekend or worse extended weekend. Do you think out of who me or the Eagles or the Cowboys Eagles Cowboys who's feeling worse right now? Who's in more disarray? Oh, man, that's tough. I mean, the Joneses go off and they go to like the Caribbean like right afterwards.
Starting point is 00:03:44 So they don't really give a crap. But that's from. I mean, the Joneses go off and they go to the Caribbean right afterwards, so they don't really give a crap. But that's from what I understand. I think the Eagles have to think Hurts is going to get better, and maybe the A.J. Brown thing will resolve itself, and the defense has to tighten up a little bit. But I'm still going to say the Cowboys because it
Starting point is 00:04:00 hurts me most. But I was thinking, like, maybe I was too harsh on the AFC South and the NFC South. Maybe the NFC East was the worst division after all. My God, the way these teams end to things. The crazy thing, and we you like the Bucs in this game, right? I had Philly. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:04:15 You had Philly. Why'd you have Philly? What was the thought process? I just figured like the Chiefs got their shit together and they were not, you know, they were on a down slide. I'm like Philadelphia. We'll figure it out, but you like the Bucs. You love the Bucs, right? down slide. I'm like, Philadelphia, we'll figure it out. But you love the Bucs, right? I did. I really like the Bucs and I put them in a couple teases
Starting point is 00:04:31 and had enough money in them tonight that I was like, I don't know how far I want to push here with Baker Mayfield, but the way this game played out was if you were like, what is the worst case scenario for how an Eagles playoff loss would go and the buildup of it?
Starting point is 00:04:46 This entire day, it starts out, there's an ESPN.com piece about the Eagles and sources saying, and the Sirianni and finger pointing. And it's the kind of article that people write after the season is over. Brian Curtis always calls it the notebook dump. It's like, he calls it the now they tell us,
Starting point is 00:05:07 like the season ends two days later, the guy in the athletic or the guy at ESPN writes the long piece with all these stories and anecdotes about what a fucked up season it was. This made history. They did it on a Monday morning. They hadn't even played their last game yet. So I read that.
Starting point is 00:05:22 I was like, oh my God, this is a wrap. They leaked the obituary. It's like when Arnold Palmer died like six months before he actually did. He came out early. So then the game starts and they are just like walking corpses and the Bucs go right down and they take a lead. But then as the game went on, it seemed like something happened in the Eagles. They started hitting,
Starting point is 00:05:46 they started putting hits on, on Mayfield. And it felt like they were kind of, at least in the vicinity of coming back. And then that safety, they just rolled over the moment that the app and the game was done. Well, it's weird because Mayfield on third and one takes a horrible sack.
Starting point is 00:06:01 They're in field goal range. It's a really bad sack on third and one. Now they're at midfield. They have to punt. And I think was it the Eagles' first play where Hurts was scrambling in the end? He still would have been scrambling if they didn't sack. How is he not getting rid of that ball? They really, sometimes
Starting point is 00:06:16 they look like two. I hated the game anyway. Really, the whole game reminded me of like they just fast-forwarded to next preseason. Didn't it feel like this was the fourth preseason game of the year and this was every game we've watched we're just like dumb weird shit and
Starting point is 00:06:31 disjointed and everyone on the bench looks like they're being water tortured just dirty looks left and right Sirianni who I think had a lot of swagger even through the first three months but just looked like dead man walking tonight. What the hell?
Starting point is 00:06:47 He was just a minute ago balling at the National Anthem in the Super Bowl. But our buddy Raheem sent us a post from Jeff Fogle. Philadelphia will finish 0-8 against the spread in regulation in its last eight games. 1-4 and 1 straight up as favorites during that span. Wow, 0-8. 0-8 against the spread. Nuts.
Starting point is 00:07:06 Four outright losses. I'll say this. I'm really proud of myself, Sal, because this Eagles team burned me a couple times this year. What was that? They had that awful Jets game when they blew everybody's tees and they had a couple other ones. But we started to really sniff them out.
Starting point is 00:07:20 And today, I guess you didn't sniff them out. No, I didn't know i didn't i didn't sniff anything there was no maybe maybe covid maybe maybe you still don't have all your senses i got nothing i sniffed it out i was like you guys aren't doing this to me again and you could see it was all the checkpoints of oh yeah just an awful third and five play oh that fourth and five play basically for the game i don't know what the f they were doing hurts ends up basically throwing off his back foot 35 yards uh the other thing and i think this is really instructive just in general because we've seen seasons kind of go down in the tubes a little bit over but sometimes the teams will turn it back the fan base was so out on this team right
Starting point is 00:08:02 so out like i i said this at the top of the pod, but for rewatchables, I made Chris Ryan and Andy Greenwald and Zach Barron do Silver Linings Playbook. They taped it last week. And we were like, should we rush it before the Eagles game? And they were like,
Starting point is 00:08:19 no, we're almost definitely going to lose. It'll be better if it comes up right after the game. And guess what? It's coming up right after the game because all the Eagle fans knew. So I guess the question is, is it actually better it played out this way? Because now they can go all
Starting point is 00:08:34 in on Vrabel or Belichick. Wow, it's so nuts that we're talking about this. Like, what is the problem with Nick Sirianni? He took him to the Super Bowl. What is it? Did they just turn on him in the clubhouse? All these Georgia recruits? It doesn't really make sense to me, except that they...
Starting point is 00:08:50 Here's why I was a little bit hesitant, because I thought they were slow-playing everybody. Like, hey, we know how to get to the Super Bowl. We know how to win playoff games. We don't need to tough it out. And honestly, after the Cowboys lost, holy crap, the Eagles could get a home game if they went and the Rams went.
Starting point is 00:09:09 Like, they really might have played this right. But no, you were right. They just really sucked the last six weeks of the season. Well, you were thinking on-off switch, which we've seen. Yeah. The problem is the Eagles were telling us who they were here for seven weeks. They lose to the 49ers, 42-19. They lose to your team, 33-13.
Starting point is 00:09:30 Lose to the Seahawks, 20-17. They barely beat the Giants, 33-25, in a game that they were just dying to at least go to overtime in. Cardinals beat them 35-31, run the ball down their throats, dominate the game, control for 40 minutes. And then last but not least, that last week of the season, when it's like, ah, we might somewhat be in, and they just immediately rolled over against the Giants again.
Starting point is 00:09:56 And they were trying to tell us. But I don't think we've seen, have we ever seen anything like this? We've seen it plenty of times with the Super Bowl losing team. Fine, we've seen them go 7-9 or 7-10 whatever. But have we seen a Super Bowl losing team dominate the first like 8-1? I know the DVOA suggests that they were probably
Starting point is 00:10:16 like a 7-4 team and not in... My numbers are all wrong. But they were 8-1 and then they slid. They were 10-1. But that's the thing. This was this year's victory for the nerds. Last year was the Vikings. This year was the Eagles.
Starting point is 00:10:32 The Eagles were 10-1 and all the nerds were going, don't trust this. This doesn't seem right. They also didn't have A.J. Brown tonight. They didn't have any linebackers to speak of. Their secondary got worse as the year went along. And then on top of that,
Starting point is 00:10:48 I was writing down about two lessons from this game. One was that hatchet job piece that comes out day of, which is clearly leaked by somebody. They're setting the stage for... The other is maybe it's just a disaster to lose both coordinators heading into the next
Starting point is 00:11:03 season. I remember it happened way, way back. The Pats lost Charlie Weiss and Romeo Cornell after the third Super Bowl. And you could really feel it the next year. You're promoting and it just makes sense. You know, if I lost Jeff and Sean and Mallory and Juliet and Chris and all of a sudden, I'm just, oh my God. And I'm just trying to learn how to have a new inner circle. And meanwhile, there's a football season going on.
Starting point is 00:11:29 They're televising every game. I would, it would be really hard. You have a shorthand with people that you're used to working with. So you're saying you have no faith in me and Rosillo and Raheem and how. Yeah, like Kyle would have to, Kyle and Saruti would really have to step up. Oh, Kyle. But I do think with the losing the coordinators, I do think as football fans it's something we just don't understand,
Starting point is 00:11:54 so we don't think it's a big deal. And in this case, it clearly was because their offense was completely different this year. I guess so, except for the 10-1 part. But I know you're right. It was the one still. Good for the nerds. You're right. The nerds right. It was the one... Good for the nerds. You're right.
Starting point is 00:12:06 The nerds win. The nerds. Hey, nerd standing ovation. Nerds and Trevor Noah. Might be one and the same. I don't know. And Dahmer's neighbor. Congrats to Dahmer's neighbor.
Starting point is 00:12:18 She pulled it off. Very good. We also had the Matt Patricia, it follows. I don't know where he goes next year what destruction is next oh yeah for Matt Patricia just his six year run
Starting point is 00:12:31 of whatever we have the what happened to the NFC East narrative where if you if you said alright there's gonna be
Starting point is 00:12:38 two teams left standing in round two from one of the NFC divisions the answer would not have been the NFC North yeah nobody would have said that one by the NFC divisions, the answer would not have been the NFC North.
Starting point is 00:12:45 Yeah. Nobody would have said that one. Um, by the way, the AFC South and the NFC South representatives are still alive and neither of the NFC East suck. Right. Pretty spectacular. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:56 And then Detroit, this is the first time tonight where I'm starting to think like, holy shit, this might be coming up all Detroit. They win that Rams game that you could really argue that was an either-or game. The Rams have to be kicking themselves today. A lot of calls went against them too.
Starting point is 00:13:14 We talked about that last night. But now Detroit doesn't have to go to Dallas. Detroit gets to stay home. They have the Bucs coming to Detroit. And they're basically in the NFC title game unless they completely choke now because they're better than the Bucs and they should be able to beat the Bucs at home.
Starting point is 00:13:34 And then you just kind of have to hope the Packers, we guessed that line last night, Packers were not an out-point underdogs. You won that one. Maybe they just hope, hey man, Jordan Love, what about it?
Starting point is 00:13:48 Can you take a lead? Shanahan trying to come from behind. Oh, is it a disaster? Right. Maybe we'll be hosting all three playoff games. Yeah. It's funny.
Starting point is 00:13:56 I looked at it the other way. Like what a cakewalk for San Francisco. But you're right. Yeah. Detroit couldn't have worked out better. If you take their odds, just even momentum wisewise and spiritually,
Starting point is 00:14:07 from that two-point conversion screw-up, it didn't look like they were going anywhere. It's the same old Lions. But yeah, they're in a way in the driver's seat too. So the Rams needed to play tonight. The Rams needed to somehow get in that game between either Tampa Bay and Philadelphia so they could have advanced.
Starting point is 00:14:25 That was what got screwed up. The Rams are the one team that I'm bummed we couldn't find a spot for them somewhere. We've gone how many minutes now? 11 minutes and we didn't talk about the Bucs and we didn't talk about Baker Mayfield. Baker was awesome. He took a lot of
Starting point is 00:14:42 hard hits in that game. I thought he navigated around the pocket and bought extra time, which seems to be the recurring theme in these playoffs. But you'd think from a redemption story, we thought Flacco was going to be the big redemption story and then turned out to be Baker. story Buck told about how Mayfield kind of lost his mojo and he went to the Rams for the last five games and McVay was doing his whole, Hey man, just go out and have fun. Just try it. I'm sorry. I was listening to all the acceptance speeches for beef, but yeah. So what was this? What did he say? He was saying, uh, he was saying McVay was just like, you gotta go out and have fun. You're not having fun anymore. Go out and have fun. And Mayfield's insinuated, like when he was in Cleveland, they tried to put the clamps down on what he was like in college.
Starting point is 00:15:29 How, you know, he's like this aggro leader of men, super demonstrative guy. And they kept kind of putting the kibosh on that. By the time he got to Carolina, he's basically broken. And then McVay kind of rejuvenated him. And now you think like, it's a pretty big what if for the Pats because Belichick loved him before the draft
Starting point is 00:15:49 and tried to trade up for him. And for some reason, they had no interest in him this year. A lot of teams kind of looked at him and said, eh, and passed on him. Now he's going to be around too. This is the kind of guy we talk about
Starting point is 00:16:01 with Belichick. If he could bring this type of player to the Falcons, that's a 10th win playoff team. Why not? Same kind of guy we talk about with Belichick. If he could bring this type of player to the Falcons, that's a 10th-win playoff team. Why not? Same kind of division. But yeah, I think you and I were high on Baker most of the year. It's just the Baker we saw last week,
Starting point is 00:16:14 I think he had like rib implants or something. Because he threw the ball well. He threw like a 23-year-old. He did. Like a stud. Like he really was hitting everybody in stride. Didn't have that against the Panthers last week. That's what I was worried about. But fantastic.
Starting point is 00:16:28 Almost 120 quarterback rating. Really good. And here's the other thing. How many drops in the first half? Evans dropped a touchdown. Otten dropped one over the middle. Evans dropped another one. He was on target the whole game. I had the boost for Fando. We did
Starting point is 00:16:44 Evans TD with the Bucs. I think it was plus whole game. I had the boost for Fando. We did Evans TD with the Bucks. I think it was plus three and a half and they boosted it to three to one. And Evans, you could tell he just didn't have it. He had like but you know, you watch Evans in certain games and he looks like the greatest receiver God ever made other than Randy Moss. He'd be number two.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Then you watch him today and you're like, you watch him today and you're like, that guy has 12,000 yards. He can't even catch the ball. So they survived that. And they survived Baker taking a lot of hits and looking at it a couple times. They had five pass catchers over 40 yards, which is very hard to do.
Starting point is 00:17:16 You don't see that ever. Do you feel like a lesser person when you've watched football for 11 hours a day every week and then somebody makes a play in the playoffs and you're like, who's that guy? Where'd that guy come from? Because we had like three of those this weekend. House was making fun of him. Who was it? Devin Tompkins
Starting point is 00:17:36 or Payne Durham? The third string Texans tight end who had like a 75 yard touchdown. Yeah. There's a lot of good stuff in there. Alright, so who it seems like the Jones are going to take a lot of good stuff in there. All right. So who, it seems like the Jones are going to take a couple of days off and milk this. My guess are the Eagles and the Cowboys now are going to want,
Starting point is 00:17:54 are going to want coaches. And we know the chargers and we know Falcons. They, they tweeted. Right. It kind of pissed me off. I almost did a snarky response. They tweeted. Oh, really? We have interviewed Bill Belichick for the head coach job. It's of pissed me off. I almost did a snarky response. They tweeted,
Starting point is 00:18:05 we have interviewed Bill Belichick for the head coach job. It's like, fuck you guys. 15 minutes away. Remember that tweet they did? Right. 15 minutes away when it was like 28 to 9 with the little screenshot. I don't know. It made me mad. I'm not saying it's rational. They did it or
Starting point is 00:18:21 Schefter did? The Falcons tweeted it? No, the Falcons tweeted out that they interviewed Bill Belichick. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Oh, so that, yeah, that was a dig at your team. And you specifically, actually. I was annoyed.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Oh, good. But they're moving fast. So my guess is Belichick has a team in the next four or five days. There's some Harbaugh Chargers buzz building. Mm-hmm. He met with them. Yeah. Yeah, just in general, it makes sense or five days. There's some Harbaugh Chargers buzz building. He met with them. Just in general, it makes sense because they have hands-off owners.
Starting point is 00:18:51 He gets to live in LA. He's got a quarterback. That makes sense to me. I just like all the nonsense. I love all the nonsense. Like, well, he's got ties. He's got ties to this. Everybody's got ties. If you do the six degrees of Kevin Bacon, you got ties. And then you start following, well, he was
Starting point is 00:19:08 on this plane and he took a private jet here and that ends up being wrong 70% of the time. I love it. This is what reporters are most wrong about. Alright, so pick the coaches. Let's do it right now. It is January 15th. Where do the coaches go? Alright, I'm going to I'll make it simple because
Starting point is 00:19:24 I'll say Harbaugh chargers. I'll say Belichick Falcons. I think that's a really good move for, uh, for Belichick. And then who's left McDaniels, Rabel, P Carol.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Uh, well, I think P Carol sits a year, right? I know he's getting old to 73, but I'm going to say Vrabel to Dallas. And I'm going to say Pete Carroll to the Falcons. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:19:48 And Belichick to the Eagles. Wow. To the Eagles. Belichick to the Eagles. Holy crap. I'm dropping that one down. I think we stick with McCarthy one more year. Only because it'll pain me.
Starting point is 00:20:03 It'll make the most sense. If you guys stick with McCarthy one more year. Only because it'll pain me. It'll make the most sense. If you guys stick with McCarthy one more year, I think we at least have to go get colonoscopies and some other blood work done for you before we head into the next season. What the hell does that mean?
Starting point is 00:20:17 I don't want to lose you halfway through the season. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. You know, all of a sudden, like, you know, Archie's... Sal can't be here tonight, so here's his son, Archie, from the University of Oregon.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Right. Now, you can't do another McCarthy. You should have fired him last year. Last year, we were like, this guy shouldn't come back. They did it way worse this year. I don't know if they see it, the Joneses, as a sign of failure or if they like someone else being blamed. I think it's a nice combination
Starting point is 00:20:45 of both, which leads them to never fire anyone who should be gone. Well, let's take a break because I want to talk about this. Well, we got through NFL Super Wildcard weekend. Now we're on to the divisional round for these teams. It's win or go home, but you will always have a spot in the playoffs with FanDuel, America's number one sportsbook. FanDuel,
Starting point is 00:21:04 so many ways for you to pick up a W. We are going to be doing million-dollar picks on Thursday. We will hopefully be able to do a boost with FanDuel as well, so stay tuned on this podcast or stay tuned on my Twitter feed. I kind of like the Packers. It's a lot of points. It's just a lot of points. So I don't know.
Starting point is 00:21:23 We'll dive into it on Thursday. If you want to follow my pick or my picks, go to FanDuel right now or go to check out my Twitter feed. On FanDuel, new customers get started with $150 in bonus bets guaranteed when you place your first $5 bet. Just visit FanDuel.com slash BS to join today.
Starting point is 00:21:39 That is FanDuel.com slash BS. Make every moment more with FanDuel, an official sportsbook partner in the NFL. You must be 21 plus and president in select states. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit TheRinger.com slash RG. $5 pregame money line wager required. First online real money wager.
Starting point is 00:21:57 Only $10 first deposit required. Bonus issued as non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire seven days after receipt. See terms at Sportsbook.fanduel.com. This episode is brought to you by my old friend, Miller Lite. I've been a big fan of Miller Lite, man, since college days when I was allowed to have beer. I think nephew Kyle is a fan too. Miller Lite keeps it simple for us. Undebatable quality, great taste. Picture this, it's game day, all the gangs here, you're tail day, all the gang's here,
Starting point is 00:22:25 you're tailgating outside the stadium, it's a great time for beer. Or how about when you're standing at the grill and the smell of sizzling burgers is in the air? Moments like that. Or when you want a light beer that tastes like beer, that's delicious. You don't want to load up on those heavier beers and then you only have two of them. Then you feel tired. Your stomach feels full. Miller Lite, it's your friend. It just accompanies whatever else you're doing. You're super happy with it.
Starting point is 00:22:52 Opening an ice cold Miller Lite can signal the beginning of Miller time. Miller Lite is the light beer with all the great beer tastes we like. 90 calories per 355 mil can. So why not grab some Miller Lights today? Your game time tastes like Miller time. Must be legal drinking age. This episode is brought to you by Movember. The mustache is back with a vengeance.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Look at Travis Kelsey. Before he rocked that Super Bowl ring, he rocked that super soup strainer. Grow a mustache for Movember. You'll do great things too. You won't win the Super Bowl, but your fundraising will support mental health, suicide prevention,
Starting point is 00:23:29 and prostate and testicular cancer research. And if you don't want to grow a mustache, you can still walk or run 60 kilometers, host an event, or set your own goal and mow your own way. Do great things this November. Sign up now.
Starting point is 00:23:44 Just search Movember. So I'm doing this from memory. And, you know, as both of us know, as we get older, our memory starts to get a little fuzzy. My memory of the Cowboys is always sticking with the head coach a year too long.
Starting point is 00:24:01 Is that fair? It's like a year too long. So the question is, was it already a year too long so the question is was it already a year too long with mccarthy or starting now heading into one more year of mccarthy is that a year too long i think it's so disgusting because i i you can't really blame mccarthy and dac when it's been happening with the organization for so many years. Can I read you something real quick about the Cowboys? This may be the saddest. I had just gotten over everything, and then I saw this.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Our friend sent this. I won't even say what it is. Our friend begins with an A, but he delights in all this stuff. He really does. Okay. All right. Cowboys ineptitude. Don't even measure it towards the rest of the NFL.
Starting point is 00:24:48 Measure it across all four major sports. And it turns out they're the only franchise over the last 25 years to have a top 10 regular season winning percentage and never reach a conference championship game. In any sport? Four major sports. And only three of the teams didn't make it to the finals. Losers.
Starting point is 00:25:08 Frigging losers. And so, of course, they're going to do the wrong thing all over the place. I think they keep McCarthy another year, and that'll be three years too many. Well, you kept Switzer for four years, which was, what, two years too long? Yeah, maybe a year and a half, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:24 Six and ten. You kept Gailey for two years too long? Yeah, maybe a year and a half, yeah. Six and 10. He kept Gailey for two years. Chan Gailey, I forgot about him. He lost two straight wildcard games. Replaced him with Dave Campo, who had three years, and I think that hard knock season killed him. Had to keep him, yeah. He was the least impressive hard knocks coach we've ever had.
Starting point is 00:25:40 Had to see him in the wetsuit. He's never been worse than hard knocks. At SeaWorld. Yeah, he had to make his big appearance. He really missed out on Twitter. Then you had Parcells, who went 10-6, 6-10, 9-7, 9-7. That's just a weird one. I mean, it was his turn.
Starting point is 00:25:55 He was kind of on the other side of the mountain. Then Wade Phillips for three years. But I guess he jumped on Phillips. Oh, it was during the season in 2010. They go six and 10. Brings in the Clapper. Oh my God. The Clapper was your coach for nine and a half years.
Starting point is 00:26:14 I know. I mean, that was 13 years too long. Maybe 13. Then McCarthy for four. You're right. You might be stuck with McCarthy because they'd be like, well, he won 36 games in his last three years. I feel so good that I made that point.
Starting point is 00:26:27 I'm going to live with it. Don't they just have to do if Rabel is actually available, don't you just have to get him? He's the prize of this whole thing. I would love him. I would love him. I think he might be a tiny bit type A for the Joneses, but you
Starting point is 00:26:43 got to start somewhere with that. If someone raises their voice, they can't be excluded from the coaching pool. It just can't be like that. You know what's the most stunning coaching thing that happened in 2024 so far? Gerard Mayo, new Patriots coach. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Very passionate paragraph-long quote about how much he loves Steve Belichick and how Belichick gets a terrible rap. Steve Belichick. Steve, really? And how good of a coach he is and how many hours he spent talking football with him. And he's a savant. It was really, he talked me into Steve Belichick in a paragraph.
Starting point is 00:27:19 The thing I found fascinating about that is I think they announced Friday morning that there's going to be a press conference Wednesday at noon. I don't think a team's ever been such a ho-hum response to... I know it's not going to come on a Sunday, but Wednesday at noon they're going to announce this? For Mayo? Or not tomorrow?
Starting point is 00:27:38 Yeah. They need time to figure out what kind of stories they're going to leak about how much better the atmosphere is than with Mayo. I see. I know their whole... Yeah. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:27:50 All right. That makes sense. Oh, it's like a cloud is lifted in the building. Right. And Mayo, he actually works with the media and he talks to them and it's just way more accountable. I already know what they're going to do. I love it. It's annoying.
Starting point is 00:28:05 Okay. Let's go to the other game. We had Bills, Steelers. So I took the Steelers plus 10 and million dollar picks. I went the other way. So I did finally win the game. Well, thinking that there was going to be this snowstorm and terrible weather, and I'm just like, oh, it's under 36.
Starting point is 00:28:24 And Steelers plus 10, like this game's going to be like nine to three. And then of course they wait a day and they, they nudged the game to today. And I felt terrible about that pick. Do, do I have to count the pick? I mean, I guess I can make my own rules. It's fake money. It's million dollar picks, but I just, I'm just mad. I had the Steelers plus 10 rooting for some backdoor cover with Mason Rudolph, and the weather was not that bad. The field was rock hard. Yeah, the fans are the ones that got
Starting point is 00:28:52 screwed. They had to dig their way to their own seats, right? But otherwise, the players, it was just like a December 8th game or something where it was cold and everything. Yeah, that was a weird game. I go back and forth with the Bills because I'm like, God, this team is the best. They really
Starting point is 00:29:08 have everything. And Josh Allen's ability to run is the single greatest asset that a quarterback remaining in the playoffs has right now. Then it's like, what the hell? They can't put this team away? Why is it like, you know, 21-10 and the Steelers are driving and
Starting point is 00:29:24 Rudolph throws a bad pick like they're right in this game so I find myself constantly checking the Bills Super Bowl odds and then on the other end I'm like wow they could lose to anybody is it weird you look at the stats the stats are pretty close yeah and it comes down to basically Rudolph throws that pick in the end zone yeah but other than that it felt like Ben watched that. He missed the first hour of the game and then watched the rest with me. And he's like, dad, are the Steelers better? And I'm like, no, no, he missed the first hour.
Starting point is 00:29:55 But they were kind of going toe to toe. I thought they got hosed on so many calls. I didn't really care who won. They did? But I thought there was two guys got concussions. Neither play was called. The Porter thing was one of the most violent things I saw that weekend.
Starting point is 00:30:12 He's tackling a guy and this offensive lineman just comes and nails him from behind with a block. They just didn't call it. They called a 15-yarder on hitting Allen after the whistle. They called some bogus. I just didn't like it.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Well, they also fumbled the ball for some reason that they gave back to Pittsburgh, right? Yeah, that wasn't great. Pittsburgh had two turnovers. And Buffalo missed two field goals. I don't know. I thought it was about right at 31-17. I got to tell you, I'm just sick of the... I know you are too.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Maybe you don't want to say. I'm so down on the Steelers. I'll get into more of it later. But isn't it the same every year? They get above 500. They win the last game of the season against a backup quarterback to make the playoffs. Then they bring a sub
Starting point is 00:30:53 par quarterback into the postseason. If TJ Watt isn't healthy, the only chance is to maybe get a backdoor cover versus a big spread. It's the same every single year. Would you make a Mike Tomlin storming out of his press conference? He didn't like that, right? Was it the question or was he just done with the season?
Starting point is 00:31:12 I thought that was a weird way to handle it. I like when the coach is like, I just want to talk about this demoralizing game. Nothing else. If you go outside of that. All right, we can bring it up, but it seems like this would upset you more than anything. Yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:31:27 He might be done too. Maybe he'll be available. Imagine if he became available too. Go right to Philly. He should go right to Philly. God, that would be an incredible Belichick spot. Perfect. Oh, Pittsburgh?
Starting point is 00:31:39 Oh, yeah. He loves that organization and the history. That's the only thing that's holding me back on him going to Atlanta. There are these teams that have real history. We know at least Dallas is going to be available. We know Philly, probably. And then we know maybe Pittsburgh if this Tomah thing gets weird. Those are three of the most famous franchises we have.
Starting point is 00:32:02 What's your gold, silver, bronze? Which would hurt you the most? Which would hurt your feelings the most? franchise we have. What's your gold, silver, bronze, which would hurt you the most? Which wouldn't hurt your feelings the most? Where he went. I'm rooting for Belichick wherever he goes. No, that's not true.
Starting point is 00:32:11 With that said, Philly would really bug me. Philly's won? The Philly fans are annoying. And I have so many of them in my life, but they hate Belichick and they would just 180 it
Starting point is 00:32:24 immediately. We got the greatest coach of all time. Yeah. You shit on this guy for 20 years. And that was your best friend. Jets wouldn't bother you? No, the Jets are pathetic.
Starting point is 00:32:40 He would never do that. Could have been Jets. You might as well go to the UFL. Wow. All right. Yeah. Go to the jets. You might as well go to the UFL. Wow. All right. So just, wow. The jets are,
Starting point is 00:32:48 they're, they're pathetic. Come on. Even the fans are like, Simmons is right. We're pathetic. I'm saying he ends up beating you. What if he beats your team with,
Starting point is 00:32:58 as a coach of the jets? That sucks. He's never going to the jets. The giants, I think he would go to, but they have a coach and I think he would go to. But they have a coach and I think he likes Dayball. It'd be interesting though
Starting point is 00:33:08 if the Giants, if Belichick wanted to come back and they worked out a deal to let Dayball out of his contract so he could go somewhere else and hired Belichick. I think this Belichick thing, this is one of the most
Starting point is 00:33:21 fascinating subplots we've had because he's still a really good coach. He was just a bad GM. Belichick the GM killed Belichick the coach for five years here. But if you just give him a good... The Giants don't qualify, but if you gave him that Philly team or Dallas,
Starting point is 00:33:36 you don't think he would have fixed that Philly defense and figured out some shit? I guess so. Your defense played tough. We lost Judon and Gonzalez and our defense got better. He's always going to have a good defense.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Cowboys will take him as a defensive coordinator. That's fine. Defensive coordinator. Under the great Mike McCarthy. So, with the Bills, they were fine.
Starting point is 00:34:05 I don't watch them and get the feeling like everyone's on the same page. Bills, they were fine. I still don't watch them and get the feeling like everyone's on the same page. They also lost Bernard. They keep losing. Every once in a while, they just lose one of the best guys in their defense. I thought that was a huge one. It felt like the game shifted after he went
Starting point is 00:34:20 out too. It was already kind of shifting. It doesn't seem like that was an injury where he's going to be waltzing back onto the field next week. It was already kind of shifting. It doesn't seem like that was an injury where he's going to be waltzing back onto the field next week. It was something bad. It was an ankle and he had to go off on the cart. I'm looking at the Chiefs and everybody's
Starting point is 00:34:35 there's going to be all this. It's time. The Bills. They're due. People are thinking they're cresting. Are they cresting? Like the Steelers were really in that game. That was not a 31-17 game. And then last week
Starting point is 00:34:51 you go back to the the Pats and I just don't feel like they're cresting. I think they're beatable. And the Chiefs will do guess the Lions. My guess would be that
Starting point is 00:35:02 it's going to shift a little toward the Bills side. But I like the Chiefs. Until the Bills beat the Chiefs, I don't see how you go against the Chiefs. It's a great game. And by the way, I don't know who we need to talk to about this, but what we just see, six
Starting point is 00:35:17 games, five of them were duds. Five of them were absolute duds. And that Detroit Rams game was good. In fact, we're bummed that one of the teams was eliminated, but give us a good Bills-Chiefs game. I love it. It's one of my favorite second-round games that didn't involve my team
Starting point is 00:35:34 in a long, long time. Sunday night, basically. Just get it right. Get it good. I wonder if the Bills are like the Dominique Wilkins Hawks in the mid-80s. These teams, they're really fun to watch,
Starting point is 00:35:53 but ultimately weren't that impactful. Whereas the Chiefs, I just don't think they're going to beat Mahomes with this team they have. Because Mason Rudolph could have made a couple plays and been in the game. That's how you're looking at it, right? Man, I don't think their defense is,
Starting point is 00:36:13 especially if you're going to take Bernard out of there. Right. I don't know. I don't know. I didn't love how Pittsburgh played. They missed tackles. Buffalo made a couple of big plays, basically off of Pittsburgh just
Starting point is 00:36:25 kind of messing up stuff. Allen's great. As much as we love Allen and Mahomes, if either team gets their running game, we've always said this, if either team gets their running game going, and honestly, if Buffalo really couldn't lose this game with Allen not turning the ball
Starting point is 00:36:42 over and them rushing for almost 180 yards, right? If they could do that next week, same kind of thing, but I don't know. He'll probably be due for one. I don't know, man. Josh Allen, that guy's good, bro. He's just good, bro.
Starting point is 00:36:58 That guy can ball, man. Cold weather, bro. Jesus. He comes down from the mountain. Well, somehow this game is in Buffalo. Even though Casey wrapped up their division like two and a half months ago.
Starting point is 00:37:16 They have to be wondering, like, how do we not have a two seed? Oh, it's because of the freaking Raiders. Blame them. Let's do guest line. Anything else you have on Bill Stewart's pretty mundane? No, I think that was basically it. I, you know, I would have been better, I guess, if TJ Watt was in there. But I mean, what do we think about Allen's fake slide into like a 52 yard touchdown run?
Starting point is 00:37:39 Well, so I just think we have to make a decision as a league. Yeah. First of all, I think the fake slide should make a decision as a league. Yeah. First of all, I think the fake slide should be outlawed. Sure. Just you can't have it both ways where now you can trick people who are terrified to run into anyway that, I mean that one today,
Starting point is 00:37:55 who is, I think it was Alan. I'm getting, I'm blending the games together, but somebody got a late hit on a slide. Oh yeah. And it was ridiculous. And you slow it up and it's like,
Starting point is 00:38:06 how did you not stop? But in real time, like I, like honestly, if you're running forward and you're starting to bend
Starting point is 00:38:13 down and do a dive, like how do you stop that? So what's that call? And I thought he actually stopped and put his hands up and like was trying not
Starting point is 00:38:20 to run into him. And I, you know. Yeah. I mean, it's, it wouldn't be much different from a guy who calls a fair catch
Starting point is 00:38:26 and then starts running with the ball, right? But what do you call it? What would you call the, what would the call be? I think you would call it like, it's almost like a flop. Fake flop, but the announcer,
Starting point is 00:38:38 the referee comes out and says flopping, number two, Josh Allen. No, it's like a fake dive. Dive, dive ch fake dive. Dive chicanery. Dive chicanery, number 17
Starting point is 00:38:49 offense. Dive chicanery is good. From the spot of the chicanery, first down. I had House and I broke down our favorite candy bars on Thursday's pod. And I was saying how one of my favorite things to do is to take
Starting point is 00:39:04 graham cracker, like a cold marshmallow and like a Hershey, like square and just munch it together and just eat it instead of like making it like a real s'more. I called it the raw dog s'mores. Nice. And I think dive chicanery is just as good. Raw dog s'mores and dive chicannery. I'm on fire right now. You might see both on the shelves. Yeah, sometime soon. Whole Foods.
Starting point is 00:39:30 That's great. I don't like the dives. I don't like the fake dives. I don't know what the defenders... When we've reached a point where none of us can tell each other what the defender is supposed to do as the dive's happening, maybe we have to revisit this. I also thought, we didn't talk about yesterday when Higby
Starting point is 00:39:48 got annihilated from behind and it turned out he blew out his ACL and Collinsworth's like, Mike, I've talked to 25 receivers and you ask all of them, would you rather take a head hit or go into your ankles? All
Starting point is 00:40:04 of them would take the head hit, Mike. Right. Which I thought was interesting. I thought that was great. I mean, terrible, but great. But then the guy who laid the hit said, hey, blame the quarterback. He tried to kill his receiver. He actually said that today.
Starting point is 00:40:17 So there's a little of that too. Mike, I asked 25 friends of mine, would you rather have your wife cheat on you with the gardener or the pool boy? And all of them said the gardener. All 25. One was a real whore. She said both, but I don't know. That's few and far between.
Starting point is 00:40:38 All right. We're going to do the round two. Guess the lines. You're up 1-0. Niners minus 9 at Packers. That is the Saturday night game. Congratulations to the Texans. They pulled it off. They are in the shaky spot
Starting point is 00:40:50 yet again. First game of the day. Let me ask you something. If they make the Super Bowl, is it going to be like Saturday at 1.30? They have to move the game. Fanatics has to cancel their party. Texans at Baltimore is our first game.
Starting point is 00:41:10 I really debated whether I wanted to put this in double digits or not. And I think it has to end up in double digits. I have Ravens 10 and a half. Good for me. I said 7 and a half and it's 8 and a half. Oh. Okay. I said seven and a half and it's eight and a half. Oh. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:28 But I will say this. Respect for the Texans. I think they put it in the no, you can't tease this zone. I think you're right. I think it will go to nine. Gets to nine and a half,
Starting point is 00:41:38 right? I think it has to get to ten so you can't even do a seven point tease with it. Maybe. Maybe. It's a fun one. Two teams. Both of the underdogs
Starting point is 00:41:50 on Saturday violate flagrantly a manifesto rule which is be careful of any team that everybody's overreacting to after round one. Packers, Texans who looked awesome in round one, and it always
Starting point is 00:42:05 throws you off for round two. How about, especially if they're first-year playoff quarterbacks? I'm going to go right at the top of the manifesto, too. Oh, we didn't do the quarterback thing we wanted to do. So you always talk about top 10 quarterbacks. Just an aside
Starting point is 00:42:23 before we do the other two lines, my homes, Alan Burrow, Herbert Lamar, and whatever already want. That's like the big five, my homes, Alan Burrow,
Starting point is 00:42:33 Herbert Lamar. Okay. And if you have to bump anyone and make it a Mount Rushmore, Justin Herbert, take a seat. Right. Wait a minute. Let me take it.
Starting point is 00:42:42 So, so Hertz is out of there already. Hertz is out of there for me. I have them on the next level with Love, Stroud, and Stafford. And then the level below Purdy, Dak, Mayfield, Goff. Is there anybody else you would put in there? I wouldn't put Trevor Lawrence on any of those tiers. I did this differently with the against all odds guys on a text.
Starting point is 00:43:15 And I said, they're like, oh, this team shouldn't be excited about their quarterback. I was like, how many teams should actually be excited about their quarterback? I said, is it three? And they were all like, no, it's nine. I said, really? Nine? And it's basically the same first tier that you have. Allen, Stroud, Burrow, Mahomes,
Starting point is 00:43:34 Herbert. So I leave Herbert out of that. Jackson's in there. But they had like Richardson in there. Like excited about the quarterback. But I feel like and Burrow is obviously in there. But I feel like and Burrow is obviously in there, but I feel like Richardson, Purdy, Love,
Starting point is 00:43:49 even Herbert are like one game away from you being like, oh, screw that guy. Like, if you're one game away from you saying, right, then how could you be excited about it? I'm in on Love. I think he has it. I thought he was so good in that Dallas game. I was watching some of the throws he made last night.
Starting point is 00:44:07 SportsCenter was doing a montage. I mean, the guys were wide open, so that was a problem. But he was, you know, you put good pressure on him. He was moving around. Yeah, so maybe Herbert moves out. Maybe it's Mahomes, Allen, Burrow, Lamar. It's like you're Mount Rushmore right now. And then it's Herbert, Stroud, Love, Stafford
Starting point is 00:44:25 and Hertz in some order. But I think Love's on that next line. And then you move into that Purdy, Dak, Mayfield, Goff. And I think Purdy has a chance to move up if they can win a couple of playoff games with them. But I want to see it. So how many have you named so far? Like 12? So I have
Starting point is 00:44:42 four at the top. The next level is five. And then The next level is five. And then the next level is four. So that's 13 total. And you don't have Lawrence. I do. No way I have Lawrence. There's no way I have Lawrence.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Wow. And I wouldn't have Rogers. Is there anybody else you'd even put in there? It's so weird how it moves though. Because people, this year we're talking, oh, Lawrence is definitely cracking the top five. I know we're going to forget somebody and people are going to be mad. I mean, you're not putting Dak in there. No, I'm looking through it.
Starting point is 00:45:09 I didn't forget anybody. You're being spiteful not putting, like, what are we talking about? Are we talking about regular season quarterback? Oh, I guess Cousins is at least, because he'll be healthy by the time next year happens. So he's at least on the third tier. So that's 14. Right. And then Kyler, I kind of want to see a little more from Kyler,
Starting point is 00:45:31 but I think he would be right underneath with Lawrence and some others, but he's not the top 14. You mentioned Mayfield. Yeah. Goff's in there. I had that last level, pretty Dak Mayfield, Goff cousins.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Right. So in the right team with the right people, you could probably win a playoff game or two with those guys. The only, I think, pushback you'd get is people love Richardson in the limited time we saw him. That's fine. I'd like to see him play for a month. I mean, he got hurt two times in the three games he played.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Right. I mean, yeah. Everyone else you're leaving out should be left out. Ritter, Carr, Russ. Yeah, that's fine. Well, I guess the other question is, you got Caleb Williams coming in and Drake May and Jaden Daniels. Which one of those guys has a chance to be Stroud next year
Starting point is 00:46:19 and just be immediately good? If you're going to say good right away, it's probably Jaden Daniels. It'd be fun if it was Jaden Daniels. That's what I was about to say. It'd be really fun if he's on my team. Yeah. With Gerard Mayo. With Gerard Mayo. The clouds lifted. He gave individual one-on-one interviews with different reporters. His press conferences have been super accessible. I already know what they're going to do.
Starting point is 00:46:46 We're not going to know until Wednesday at noon. All this could wait. Makes me mad. All right, last two lines. We have the Lions hosting the Bucs. I know it's one of these two. It's either seven or it's seven and a half. I'm going to say Lions by seven and a half.
Starting point is 00:47:08 All right. I get this again. It started at five and a half, went to six, and I had five. Really? What? Just six? Just six. That's too low.
Starting point is 00:47:18 Right there in that teaser zone. That's going to go up. You think so? Baker was really good. I mean, the playoff. Now I'm going into a dome against a defense that I thought played really well in that Rams game
Starting point is 00:47:30 and hit the shit out of Stafford. Yeah, I have to say out of the three road teams, you have really good quarterback performances in the divisional round. The Techs, Stroud, Love, and Baker. Mahomes is probably fourth
Starting point is 00:47:46 in terms of all those guys and how they were this weekend. It could be just the month of Michigan. That's the other thing. Ooh, right. Because we had first home lines winning forever. We had Michigan win the title.
Starting point is 00:48:01 And then today, it seems like Jalen and C-Web kind of made up. They had four of the Fab Five was at the Michigan basketball game today and Jalen and C-Web and Jalen's like, this is my brother. And I don't know how real it is, but I did not expect to see that. So a Fab Five kind of basic reunion. It was not on my bingo card.
Starting point is 00:48:22 So who knows? Maybe. How about just taking the Celtics to overtime in Boston? I know. How about Monte Williams playing Jaden Ivey real minutes and giving him the ball tonight after 35 games? Maybe they're turning around. I hate to inject them, but you already have.
Starting point is 00:48:37 So Celtics to go undefeated at home, what do you think the odds are? I know what they are. What do you think? Oh, my God. That's got to be like 75 to 1? Close. 60. You could put a few. You could put a couple thousand. There's no way. It's too hard.
Starting point is 00:48:54 Nobody's doing that. The three-point variance, you're not doing it, but I am very focused on the streak. It's fun. 60 to 1. I'm going to the Grizzlies game in a couple weeks, and I'm praying the streak is still alive for that one. Two weeks?
Starting point is 00:49:11 So what is that, four more games? Yeah, they could be at like 24 by then. All right, so you beat me for this week. I did. Kind of spanked me. Last game. I could maybe sweep you here. You swept me last week, I mean. No, because you know what this line is going to be.
Starting point is 00:49:27 Bill's Chiefs. I was a half point off, I'll tell you that much. Bill's Chiefs in Buffalo. It's not going to be three. It's going to be two and a half. Bill's two and a half over the Chiefs. All right, you saved some face there. It is exactly two and a half.
Starting point is 00:49:40 Yeah, it's not quite three. It'll be two and a half. It'll drop to two. It'll go back up to two and a half. And then it'll probably stay there. All right, so you're teasing the Chiefs with everything. No reason for anyone to watch million-dollar picks. You got the Chiefs at eight and a half or eight, whatever.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Not teasing the Chiefs. I think you just bet the money line in that one. What's the money line? Now I'm going to look because I haven't looked at the lines. 122, plus 122. Oh, man, They just hose you on all money line value now these days. Not just FanDuel.
Starting point is 00:50:09 They just... The inefficiencies of 20 years ago where it would be like Chiefs plus two and a half plus 145. It was always 150, 130. Yeah, always. Jesus. You know what I would bet on?
Starting point is 00:50:28 Because Mike Evans sucked today, and I could see him just being awesome in the Lions game. Just like, oh, good Mike Evans is here. Because he does that like, what, five, six times a year? On the car, on the turf. Yeah, like that. All right, let's take a break. We'll do Parent Corner.
Starting point is 00:50:50 After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high-intensity focused ultrasound waves, zero incisions. And that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. Today's Parent Corner is brought to you by CarMax because as any parent knows, there are always two things we can't get enough of, and that's time and money. And that's why CarMax is making it fast and easy to get pre-qualified for your next car. So you can get personalized items and shop within your monthly budget with
Starting point is 00:51:33 no impact to your credit score. Save time, start shopping for a car you'll love and get pre-qualified today. CarMax, the way car buying should be. See details at CarMax.com. All right, Sal, what do you got? All right, so maybe like in the beginning, I was a little like irrationally upset at the Steelers, but there's a reason for it. So my middle son, Jack, as you know, we gave him the middle name Romo, right? Jack Romo.
Starting point is 00:51:57 And that wasn't by accident because my favorite player is Tony Romo. And so what he has done now, he's a great kid, but he's completely spit my face with this football stuff because he has taken on the Steelers as his favorite team for years now. He's got every Christmas I have to see him unwrap a Steelers sweatshirt, terrible towels all over his room and everything. No, it's bad parenting, honestly.
Starting point is 00:52:19 This is your fault. I don't know what I'm supposed to do because it originated. Tony's going to move out unless he changes his team. You're paying for everything. Really? Jack, you want to live here? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:30 I said that to Ben. Ben had like a split second with the Lakers to fuck with me. And I'm like, you can do that. You're just not going to live here. And he's like, hi. And I'm like,
Starting point is 00:52:39 I'm serious. There's going to be no Lakers. Yeah. You can live with your grandmother. I didn't know that. Yeah. He would, he would probably rather live with your grandmother I didn't know that yeah he would he would probably rather live with his grandmother but it was all because of ketchup he fell in love
Starting point is 00:52:49 with Heinz ketchup and it was Heinz Field and it's no longer Heinz Field it's stupid but it's probably just as stupid as me growing up in Long Island rooting for the Cowboys so I'm not saying too much about it so anyway they're off for MLK day right and he's getting very excited for this Steelers game that they're supposed to get crushed in, but he likes the cold and the weather, and he's got all the stats and everything, and we're watching together, and he's rooting hard every play. And I have a gigantic
Starting point is 00:53:14 teaser with the Bills in it. So I'm not at all pretending to have his back or be okay with this. And when they're starting to make the comeback, I'm getting annoyed, and I went upstairs, and there's really no end to this story, but I'm getting annoyed. And I went upstairs. And there's really no end to this story. But I think he was mad that I couldn't sit and root for the Steelers with him.
Starting point is 00:53:31 And just be a supportive dad? Yeah, I couldn't do that. And I'm like, we're going to have to sell some shit if the Bills lose this game. I don't know how else to say this. Jack, here's what a 10-point tease means. Yes, we're going to be listening to the rest of the playoffs in a car on the radio, and it's not going to be our car. It's going to be a shitty rental.
Starting point is 00:53:51 So I don't know. So that's the end of it. That's really not much of a story. So you say I could threaten the house. See, you had a better parent corner. You had that Cowboys game yesterday, but you also weren't able to go to your son's baseball tournament. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:54:06 And you were watching the baseball tournament on your phone. I think the only thing worse than going to a youth baseball tournament is watching it on your phone with some parents streaming. You go, come on, Tommy. Come on. Just get a good licking. Come on. And you're just watching this for seven hours.
Starting point is 00:54:24 They played four games. My wife had to go to Irvine and drive. And she're just watching this for seven hours. They played four games. My wife had to go to Irvine and drive. And she's like, fuck it. She's like, you're watching football all day. I'm like, no, I'm working. We're doing the podcast at the end. And you and I had to time it so that I got home after they did, which was very late. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:40 Because she had been there. Yeah. So that was it. But he got a big, nice plastic fat ring for 11 hours of baseball on Sunday. Irvine, the number one spot to have a kids tournament. Oh, yeah. Because you got the Irvine spectrum. If you got time to kill, there's time between games.
Starting point is 00:54:58 That's right. That's what I told her. I tried to tell her. I got a lot of time to kill. That's tough. I mean, 11 hours on those baseball benches, that's that you end up like Larry Bird in the back brace. I would like to hear like those fancy chairs.
Starting point is 00:55:11 Yeah. Coming off the Emmys. I'd like to hear a story of someone who wrote a screenplay watching their kid play baseball because there's so much downtime. There really is. Oh my God. You could probably get a lot of work done. It's like a Tarantino movie.
Starting point is 00:55:23 Yeah. I mean, all kinds of terrible things could happen. Right. So my daughter went back to Boston yesterday for college. My wife dropped her off. She had two bags that she brought with her that she checked. So she's got to land, got to wait for the bags. Logan Airport is super confusing now.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Ever since they changed stuff around, you've got to like, even I get confused. I've been going to Boston my whole life. You got to go, you got to go up an elevator, you got to walk across the bridge, you got to come back down to the Uber and we're panicked. They, you know. There's these moments in life with your kids where you're just like, look, they're going to have to figure it out one way or the other. And we've had a couple of these, but this is the big one. It's like, all right, she's got two bags. Is she going to be able to find the two bags? Is she going to be able to
Starting point is 00:56:16 navigate, go up, down, get the thing, get the Uber? And we were, before we taped up, I didn't even tell you this, before we taped the podcast, I'm getting texts from her like, um, before we taped up, I didn't even tell you this before we taped the podcast and I'm getting texts from her like, dad, I'm at baggage claim. The bags aren't here yet. And I'm like, oh my God, here we go. She's, it's going to be an absolute murder. And then it was quiet for a while. And then it was like, I did it.
Starting point is 00:56:38 I'm in the Uber. And I was like, oh, I was so fired up. It's, it's these little checkpoints where it's like, I don't know, at some point, because my dad was like, let me go pick her up. I'll pick her up at the airport. And I'm like, no, you know what? She's got to figure out how to do this shit.
Starting point is 00:56:52 She's 18 and a half, and she's in college, and she should be able to pull this off. And she pulled it off. So that was great. On the flip side, my son pulled off, I don't think he wore a shirt for the entire Martin Luther King weekend. I don't know what was going on, even though it was like
Starting point is 00:57:09 50 degrees. I could vouch for Saturday, Sunday. Yeah, you saw two days of it. I think he was just in wrestling shorts and no shirt for three straight days. And even with guests coming over, it didn't seem to matter. Maybe he put a shirt on for five seconds. But yeah, the checkpoints with your kids. And then looked in the room today, and it's Zoe's room, and it looked like, honestly, like those Oklahoma tornadoes after the tornado when there's just telephone poles over
Starting point is 00:57:38 and there's just houses blown off and just like small fires still going. That's what her room looked like. So my wife said, I already miss her, but I'm glad she's gone. What's her quote? She's here for five weeks. But yeah, it's a lot. I know it's a lot.
Starting point is 00:57:55 They're home for a long time. That's what I try to tell my wife. They're home for a long time. They have an attitude. Yeah. They don't want to be with us. They're different people. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:04 Might as well have the yeah they're like adults it's like they're renting a room from us renting a one bedroom right exactly
Starting point is 00:58:10 yeah where did we go wrong and now I gotta tell my where are you going why don't you want to hang out with us because I don't want to hang out with you I want to go out I want to see my friends
Starting point is 00:58:19 alright alright cool you never ask questions and then I'm thinking though alright well you have to see your grandparents and then we're sitting there with the grandparents i'm like oh this is boring as shit i totally get why they don't want to be here right right so i
Starting point is 00:58:33 don't know like hey how are you yeah you know i i should have said when torch when you're threatening jack with the steelers thing you should should have threatened him with your dad, not your mom. I think. Oh, right, right. Exactly. Like you will have to live with my dad. If you don't drop this, I think he would have dropped it. You're right.
Starting point is 00:58:52 I'm going to make a list of the relatives. I'm going to cook for him. Like they, there's some, some positives. I don't know. I don't know if there've been a lot of pluses. No,
Starting point is 00:59:00 he wouldn't. He'd, uh, it might be some corporal punishment in there. Um, carrying over from the early seventies. Hit him with a long ruler. Um, all right. No, he wouldn't. He'd, uh, might be some corporal punishment in there. Carrying over from the early seventies. Hitting with a long ruler. All right.
Starting point is 00:59:10 That's Parrot Corner. Today's Parrot Corner is brought to you by CarMax. With CarMax, you can pre-qualify in as little as five minutes with no impact to your credit score. And you can shop a nationwide inventory with their personalized monthly budget. With all the time and money you'll save, maybe you'll plan your next family road trip even if it's just around the block. CarMax, the way car buying
Starting point is 00:59:29 should be. See details at CarMax.com. All right. Well, we thought we were going to go 30 minutes and we went 52 and we didn't even talk about
Starting point is 00:59:37 Jimmy getting hosed at the Emmys, which whatever. I should have guessed it at this point. I don't know why I was excited. Such a bummer.
Starting point is 00:59:44 It makes me mad at a baby doll. I don't know point. I don't know why I was excited. Such a bummer. It makes me mad at Babydoll. I don't know why. I don't know why. Tell me why I'm mad at Babydoll. He's sitting with his other clients. He's at Jon Stewart's table the whole night. He's staying with Jimmy, our Jimmy, but sits with Jon Stewart. And you saw him today, didn't you?
Starting point is 01:00:05 Yeah, this has turned into aging corner. So I'm power walking. I walked all the way to Beverly Hills because I had calls and I was doing, listening to podcasts. So I go all the way down, I'm walking back on Beverly Boulevard. And all of a sudden, somebody starts beeping the horn and waving. Oh, it was an accident. And I'm like, who's that?
Starting point is 01:00:24 And the person does a U-turn and comes back toward me. And I'm like, who's that? And the person does a U-turn and comes back toward me and I'm like, oh my God, this is going to be a nightmare. And it was Babydoll. And you were right. So he pulled into a parking lot. He pulled into a parking lot and he smoked two Marlboro Reds in 11 minutes as we caught up because he had to get back to
Starting point is 01:00:40 Jimmy's to change for the Emmys. But somehow pulled off two Marlboro Reds in some parking lot. Somebody kept coming out and looking to see what we were doing. And so I'm like, well, this is a weird one for you tonight with Colbert and Jimmy. Like if Colbert wins, it's going to be awkward. Like Jimmy, he's waited 20 years for this. And baby said, I win either way, baby. Yeah, that's what I hate. Yeah, he's pretty, you know, that was his attitude.
Starting point is 01:01:09 Because John Oliver, this was the first time John Oliver had his own, not his own category, but a different category. Different category, yeah. He won that, of course. So it opened it up for the Colberts and Jimmys. But Jon Stewart was in this one as well. So I'm like, all right, if anything, it's going to but Jon Stewart was in this one as well like alright if anything it's going to be Jon Stewart no Trevor Noah who we looked up
Starting point is 01:01:28 last in a show in August of 2012 it's after that but I think one of the things with this Emmy's was it was for like 18 months ago I guess so right that's true it wasn't even yeah this is very late in the season
Starting point is 01:01:44 sorry Jimmy my Emmy's recap is that Succession and the Bear won absolutely every award except for Right? Right, that's true. It wasn't even... Yeah. Yeah, this is very late in the season. Sorry, Jimmy. My Emmy's recap is that Succession and the Bear won absolutely every award except for Dahmer's Neighbor and a couple of beef people. Dahmer's Neighbor came in there. Yeah. And a couple of beef people. That was it. And my dude, Steve.
Starting point is 01:01:58 Shout out, Steve. He got a big one. Yeah. He's a great guy. That's fun. All right, cuz. What do you got to plug we have against the odds a couple times
Starting point is 01:02:08 this week Cousin Sal's winning weekend at the end of the week I will have Andre Reid the great Buffalo Bill on and Ringer Wise guys on Sunday great time seeing the fellas from the Ringer Wise guys you flew them all out we did the shows in person you were like we're gonna
Starting point is 01:02:24 blow this out I was like alright I don't know what that means, but we did. We watched sports. We had the Godfather in the background for two days. We ate like slobs. We saw each other, I think, at our best and at our worst because all our teams lost. Mine and Rheem's lost. JJ's lost. I lost Bill Belichick. You lost Belichick. Kost was losing the ability to hire a coach because Washington wouldn't hire anyone. Jacko doesn't have a team. The most
Starting point is 01:02:49 interesting thing to me was you and Raheem because I said it was like Rocky III after the first round when Rocky's like, I can't keep him off me about Clubber Lang. It was like this new era of boxer. Raheem was at a whole other level. I
Starting point is 01:03:05 almost thought you were in awe. He was on websites that we'd never heard of. He was looking at MLK basketball bets during the first game on Sunday, was planning his next day. I thought you were looking at your own mortality as a gambler in a lot of ways. Well, I mean, there's a whole other story to this, but I ultimately feel bad for him. I look at that and I'm like, wow, this is accursed. I see what he's doing. And he doesn't seem to have trouble winning, but that's only half the game in this business, sadly. Yeah, he's actually too successful.
Starting point is 01:03:41 Right, exactly. Some people won't even take his action, Raheem. But yeah, he was giving us a lot of worse. We're doing everybody a favor by giving you our losing picks. You never see the other side of it where you win and get banned from every casino. The casinos are like, get the hell out of here. Yeah. All right, Sal.
Starting point is 01:03:59 Good job by you. Good job by you, buddy. That's it for the podcast. Thanks to Kyle Creighton and Steve Cerruti. Thanks to Cousin Sal. Don't forget to follow youtube.com slash Bill Simmons if you want clips and other things from this podcast and some walk and talk stuff from me as I walk around the streets of LA trying not to step in dog feces or human feces. New Rewatchables is up. Silver Linings Playbook, Chris Ryan, Zach Barron, Andy Greenwald.
Starting point is 01:04:26 Check that as well. I'm not sure when you're going to see me again. It might be Thursday. It might be earlier than that. So stay tuned. Enjoy the rest of the week until I see you again. On the wayside, I never said I don't have feelings with him. On the wayside, I never said I don't have feelings with him. Must be 21 plus in President's like states.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Fando is offering online sports wagering in Kansas under an agreement with Kansas Star Casino LLC. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit Fandle.com slash RG in Colorado, Iowa, Kentucky, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Tennessee, Vermont, and Virginia. You can call 1-800-NEXTSTEP or text NEXTSTEP to
Starting point is 01:05:19 53342 in Arizona. Call 1-888-789-777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut. 1-800-9WITHIT in Indiana. 1-800-522-4700 or visit ksgamblinghelp.com in Kansas. 1-877-770-STOP in Louisiana. mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. 1-800-GAMBLER.NET in West Virginia, or 1-800-522-4700 in Wyoming. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050
Starting point is 01:05:54 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts, or call 1-877-8HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.